can I use a wedding photo as my work avatar, I sneeze constantly, and more

by Alison Green on February 6, 2025

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I use a wedding photo — with a veil — as my work avatar?

My company is fully remote, so they really encourage us to upload a headshot to our company chat service so people can put a face to the name.

Would it look out of touch or immature to use a photo from my wedding? It’s probably the best I’ll ever look in any photo because of the professional hair and makeup and because it was taken by a professional photographer. But because of the veil, it’s very obviously a wedding photo. (I’d choose a shot without my husband in it.)

I think some of my male coworkers have done this, but it feels different because they’re just wearing suits rather than the whole Bridal Outfit ™.

Yeah, a wedding veil will look out of place for a headshot.

For most companies, at least. There are undoubtedly exceptions, but we’re trafficking in generalities for questions like this.

(I totally understand the temptation to use it though and feel the same way about my wedding photos, and in hindsight everyone who’s just had their hair and makeup done for their wedding should consider taking a couple of shots with no obviously wedding-ish accoutrements while they are looking like that.)

2. I sneeze constantly, and my coworkers say “bless you” Every. Single. Time

I sneeze. A lot. Like, when I sneeze, I sneeze six times in a row and I do this multiple times a day. Even with regular visits to an allergist and daily medication, it’s something I have to deal with.

My issue is that I work in a huge open-concept office. Every time I sneeze, I’m greeted with a chorus of “Bless you!” from around the office. Putting aside the fact that I have no concerns about my soul escaping via my nose, it’s just annoying. If I sneeze six times, they’ll say “bless you!” six times.

I’ve tried to jokingly tell people that I’m okay, to just ignore me, or to at least wait until I’ve finished, but several people still do it. I already worry that I’m creating a disruption, but my sneezing isn’t something I can control. How do I get these well-intentioned colleagues to stop?

You might not be able to; some people feel too rude letting a sneeze go unacknowledged. But you can try! The thing is, you’ve got to stop saying it jokingly and start saying it more seriously: “I appreciate the thought, but it’s making it more of a disruption than it already is. I’d be grateful to agree there’s a blanket ‘bless you’ in effect and no more are needed.” If saying it to the group doesn’t work, start talking to the hold-out’s one-on-one.

3. What is the normal amount of extra staffing a team should plan for?

I work in a support role on a team which physically moves objects, devices, and equipment around. No working from home!

A normal complement of staff to cover the needs on a normal day is six people. But there are only six people, total, employed on my team.

If even one team member calls in sick or goes on holiday or on a training course, the team is short-staffed. This causes friction and delays and impacts the work of the whole place. I feel that management is in denial and expects us to just do our best and work harder.

Is there a number which any sensible manager applies to a situation like this? Should a six-position team have a complement of say nine staff? Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s at least seven, right?

Not really. It’s actually very normal for a team with a six-person workload to be staffed by six people. Well-resourced and well-managed organizations might staff it with seven, but you’d be hard-pressed to find an organization that could justify overstaffing by 50% (nine staff).

It absolutely does make sense to build in a buffer for times when people are out or when work is higher, but it can be a very hard sell and it’s common for managers not to be able to get the budget for it. Ideally you’d build in an additional staff position that does other useful work when they’re not needed to cover for someone, but there isn’t always enough other work to justify the additional position, or it’s not high-priority enough relative to other things that money could be spent on.

That said, a decently managed place will recognize the situation and manage workflow accordingly — meaning that when someone is out, they’ll adjust the workload, reprioritize as needed, push back on demands from other teams, bring in temp help, and so forth. It’s when that doesn’t happen that it really becomes a problem.

4. Telling an employer I’ll need time off to promote a book

This is still a hypothetical, but I want to be prepared to navigate the situation. I have a book being released by a major publisher this year. It’s beyond exciting, and I am contractually obligated to do any and all promotional activities asked of me.

However, I won’t see any more money from my publisher until I earn out my advance, and I need a job. I just concluded a second interview for a really fantastic position. If I get an offer, I know my obligations to my publisher have to be an immediate discussion with my supervisor.

How would I navigate this without getting my offer pulled? “I’m delighted to accept this rigorous and team-work based role but also I might be on a book tour lol” is not really the note I want to strike, you know?

Well, first, look at your contract with your publisher — it’s very unlikely that you are contractually obligated to do “any and all” promotional activities asked of you. You’re typically expected to do a lot of them, even most of them, but that doesn’t mean you can never push back and have a conflict with something. You should also talk to your publisher about exactly what it’s likely to look like; book tours are less and less common these days, unless the author has a massive audience (or in some cases unless the author is highly motivated to do one). It’s possible you’ve already discussed this with your publisher and know for sure they expect a book tour, but either way, talk to them and get really clear on what promotion is likely to look like and how much flexibility you’ll have. (For most authors, it’s likely to be a lot of demands on your time the month the book comes out — although keep in mind a lot of it will be interviews that you will do remotely — and then decreasing demands on your time after that.)

Once you have that discussion, you’ll be in a better position to talk to a would-be employer about it since they’ll need to hear specifics of what you’re asking them to agree to. Ideally you can say something like, “I have a book being published by Oatmeal Press in June and will need time for promotional activities that month, including being at the Groats fan convention on June 20 and away for a signing event on June 30 and general availability for interviews around the time of publication.” You won’t be able to predict everything that will come up (and media stuff in particular can come up last minute), but talking to your publisher should position you to be able to provide a general idea of what it will look like.

Congratulations on the book!

5. I work for the federal government — how can I stay in touch with coworkers?

I have worked for the federal government for over 15 years — almost all of my professional references are federal employees and I only have their official contact information. In the event of a mass layoff or other mass exodus of employees from the government, how should we handle reference checks for future employment? I have the personal contact info for 3-4 people who would provide relevant info (not just “we were neighbors and played volleyball on Tuesdays” or “we worked together a decade ago”), but if I had to provide a list of more people, or those who fit a certain description, I’d be in trouble if I couldn’t look people up. I have no expectation of any privacy related to official communication channels right now.

This might seem like I’m overthinking or focusing on a relatively minor issue while everything is falling apart, but, due to health concerns, I’m terrified of losing my health insurance and need to be able to find new work ASAP if I somehow find myself unemployed. The only thing that’s keeping me going right now is figuring out how to get as many ducks in a row as possible.

LinkedIn is the easiest way to keep in touch with people after you’re no longer working together. You don’t need to be active on LinkedIn to use it this way; you just need to connect to colleagues and other contacts so you can find each other in the future. So if you’re not already connected there, do that right away. There’s also nothing wrong with saying to people, “With everything going on, I want to make sure we can stay in touch if anything changes. My personal email address is X and I’d love to have yours as well if you’re comfortable exchanging it.”

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{ 373 comments }

{ 373 comments… read them below }

  1. Viki*

    1) I feel you. Did I make my mom take a photo of me against a white wall with prom make up on so I could use it for my student ID for undergrad and grad school? Yes, yes I did.

    Do I think the veil makes it harder to keep professionalism as a head shot, yes. Though trust me, I also want to do that.

    1. Seeking Second Childhood*

      An off the shoulders is also problematic. I saw one user icon that auto-cropped in a way that showed *no dress at all*.

      And for the record I think tux shots with boutonieres look out of place too.

      1. Archi-detect*

        yeah suit jacket and a tie is very dressy for most people these days outside of an interview but perfect for a headshot, a tux is borderline outrageously dressy

        1. MK*

          A tux is just completely out of place in a professional context, unless you are a server is a ludicrously fancy restaurant. That’s the issue with bridal attire too, it’s just 100% “personal life”.

            1. Beehoppy*

              Your primary photo that your colleagues will associate with you should be professional. You can have personal photos on a desk or other areas.

            2. Dust Bunny*

              Wedding photos are too personal. It implies that your wedding is somehow relevant to your job, and it’s not.

            3. Half a Cupcake*

              My primary work photo was me with my dog licking my face. Before that it was me dressed up for the Ren Faire. Given, our CEO wears cute jeans and flip-flops to the office, but I think this is very workplace dependent. In some places, a professional headshot would look quite stodgy and out of place.

              1. AKchic*

                The majority of my photos are professional photos of me at ren fair, or for promotional events in my fair garb (ah, the joys of being on the PR committee).
                Most people publicly know me from my time at fair (26 years this season).
                So, yeah, my professional and professional volunteer life blur together when it comes to photographs.
                In recent years, I’ve pivoted my professional career and work more with kids (used to work military contracts), so I can get away with the irreverent photos.

            4. Lola*

              The avatar photo is just a stand-in for seeing your coworkers in person. It’s not a moment for sharing something about your personal life, it’s literally how you present yourself at work. There are other, better ways to connect and share your personal life at work!

            5. Last tiger of Tasmania*

              A little bit of personal life is fine (e.g. photo of you doing a hobby, with a pet) but I think a wedding photo is something different. That’s a day that you are supposed to be the center of attention, extremely special and exciting. Having it as your avatar kind of implies you want to bring that to everyone’s minds at all time when they talk to you. There is a reason, I think, that even on social media it’s kind of a faux pas to use bridal photos as your main photo unless your wedding was very recent. It makes you seem like you’re trying to hang on to that “special day” high and can’t move on.

            6. EC*

              Because work is for work, not personal life. Your headshot for your job should reflect who you are when you are at your job. A wedding dress and veil, or a tuxedo, is not appropriate in a professional context.

          2. Analyst*

            I wouldn’t have the first clue how to tell if someone was wearing a tux vs a suit, especially in a head shot….

              1. duinath*

                For people who work in a setting where a suit would be appropriate would most likely notice it was off, at the very least.

                If you see suits all day, a tux will make you go hmm…

            2. SchuylerSeestra*

              Tux is more formal and usually is worn with a bow tie, cummerbund and corsage. Occasionally a vest as well.

              1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

                Not necessarily black. Even aside from white tie, colored bowties are generally acceptable with tuxedos.

      2. iglwif*

        An off the shoulders is also problematic.

        Yikes, I can imagine!! D:

        I am baffled by the recent trend of strapless and off-the-shoulder wedding gowns. Like, you do you, my sisters! But I cannot think of anything more stressful than wearing something that (a) shows so much skin and (b) could so easily produce a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction, (c) while dancing energetically in front of practically everyone I know.

        1. Aerin*

          The hardest part of a garment to piece and shape correctly is the neck, shoulders, and upper back. Strapless gowns are much easier to manufacture and require much less tailoring. This is also the reason why most bridal gowns feature corseted waists, since you can change the shape quite a bit just by how you lace it.

          1. iglwif*

            To be clear: I understand why the people who make wedding gowns like these styles. (I’m not very good at sewing, but I did learn how.) What I don’t understand is why anyone wears them.

            1. Dust Bunny*

              Because they are what is offered, because of the sewing/fitting issues. The alternative is basically a bespoke wedding gown, and it’s not like wedding gowns aren’t expensive enough as it is.

              It’s like buying a stick shift in the US: Even if you prefer them, buying one in an ordinary everyday car is such an ordeal that most people just get the automatic.

              1. iglwif*

                I mean, lots of people don’t wear either bespoke gowns or strapless ones (like, there are entire religious and cultural communities who would never even consider it). But I take your point.

              2. Aerin*

                There’s also a perception that, because this is what they see everyone else wearing, that’s what wedding dresses Look Like. So when shopping, that’s what’s going to make them feel like they’re wearing a wedding dress, even if they’re not looking for that particular aesthetic.

                1. iglwif*

                  Oooohhhh I hadn’t thought of that!

                  It really has been a LONG-ASS time since I got married, and my now-adult child is showing zero interest in that whole thing.

              3. sb51*

                They’ve come back into style at least enough to be an option, but when I was wedding-dress shopping, I wanted something sleeveless but not strapless, a pretty normal silhouette for formal dresses most of the time. I even did one of these “tell us your body/face shape and we’ll tell you your most flattering style” quizzes on one of the big wedding-dress manufacturers and it agreed that that was the style that works for me. And then when I clicked the “show me dresses in this style”, there were ZERO.

                (This was while the asymmetric/one-shoulder trend was very very hot, so the options were basically strapless, one-shoulder, and full-sleeved/modest. And they all looked alike everywhere. When I was shopping for “regular” dresses the same year to wear to the rehearsal dinner/other wedding-related fancy things, while those styles were very popular, there was still a variety of shapes/necklines out there, but the wedding industry goes a lot harder on trends.)

            2. A Simple Narwhal*

              I can only speak from my experience, but my wedding dress was a strapless dress that I had off-the shoulder sleeves added to (they were purely decorative, they served no structural/support purpose), and not once was I ever worried about having a wardrobe malfunction.

              A strapless gown is not like a tube top (strapless shirt) where it’s solely being held up by an elastic at the top and you’re fighting gravity. It’s a structured garment that is designed and built to maintain its shape, so it’s essentially holding itself up. On top of that it is tailored to fit your exact body so there’s not really anywhere for the dress to go, either up, down, or side to side.

              On top of that, I loved how I looked and felt in the dress. Showing my shoulders did not leave me feeling exposed, and strapless doesn’t mean low-cut. I felt comfortable and elegant, even as I danced the night away.

              Just my two cents on why I chose to where a strapless off the shoulder wedding dress!

              2. Annie2*

                Yes, this was my experience as well. My dress was made for me. It fit like a glove – a properly fitted corset is very different from a tube top in terms of wardrobe malfunction likelihood. I had no concerns at all.

              3. Parakeet*

                It’s been a while now, but mine was strapless and I wore a crocheted shawl (my sister’s gift to me) to cover my shoulders. It wasn’t low-cut, which I would have been uncomfortable with – just structured and tailored. I was originally insistent that I was going to have sleeves on whatever I chose, but it restricted my options so much. The shawl served the purpose of my not wanting to have bare shoulders just fine.

                I was way more uncomfortable with the dress I had to wear as an attendant for my sister’s wedding. It had straps, but it wasn’t designed for someone with a large chest and I basically had to wear a shawl to escape showing, uh, much too much every time I bent over.

                1. iglwif*

                  The dress with straps that I had to wear as someone’s matron of honour about 25 years ago definitely had that issue. I also wore a shawl … not just to hide all the exposed skin but also to hide the sunburn, because between the ketubah signing and the chuppah we took pictures all afternoon outdoors under an overcast sky, and I apparently did not put on enough layers of sunscreen.

                  The bride for some reason was the only person who got to have sleeves on her dress — lovely person, I was happy to be in her wedding party, but the wedding itself was entirely her mother’s project and I was not quite such a fan of mom haha.

            3. Lisa*

              As a short-torsoed person who frequently has to have straps or shoulders altered, a strapless dress avoids the trouble (and cost) of alterations. If the dress or your undergarments are well-structured falling down shouldn’t be an issue.

          2. Dancing Otter*

            I don’t know about the “less tailoring.” If your bust isn’t the same shape/size as the bust of a strapless gown, it’s going to be a problem. Even the best corsettiere can’t make a DDD cup into a B; that mammary tissue has to go somewhere. So the manufacturer may be cutting corners, but the buyer will generally need to have the bodice altered, which is not simple. (You can buy a larger size, but then it will be too big everywhere else, like the back and waist and ribcage; a slightly easier alteration, but still expensive.)
            I know this because I used to assist a friend who specialized in making or altering custom wedding attire. If I had even a penny for every pearl and crystal I sewed on individually…

        2. Annie*

          Yes, I advised my friend who recently got married that a strapless dress was rife for problems. Aside from showing too much skin it always seems brides are too constricted and are always pulling at their dress because they feel that a potential wardrobe malfunction is possible, even if it’s unlikely.
          Straps are your friend.

          1. iglwif*

            I generally feel that when you are in any kind of high-stakes situation, it is not a terrific idea to wear clothing that makes you nervous, anxious, itchy, exposed, or compressed. Obviously that’s going to vary from person to person, but for me, a strapless dress with a structured bodice and a big heavy skirt would combine all 5 of those stressors, and I would be a nervous wreck!

          2. SnackAttack*

            I wore a strapless dress and had zero issues. I was able to dance and move around without pulling it up or worrying about it slipping. I’m also kind of baffled at these people saying it shows too much skin. If you don’t want that for you, that’s your prerogative, but it’s not like these are boudoir photoshoot corsets. And straps don’t add THAT much more coverage…

            1. iglwif*

              I’m interested in your assumption that the options are “strapless” or “straps”. Dresses can have sleeves!

              But yeah, someone who’s comfortable in a low-cut dress with thin straps might be just as comfortable in a strapless dress, from an amount-of-skin-showing perspective. Others of us simply do not want to be showing that much skin at a formal occasion (or perhaps at all).

          3. Laura1*

            I don’t understand how a strapless gown shows “too much skin” It’s just the shoulders and the area just below the shoulders.

            1. iglwif*

              That would be waaaaaaay too much skin for me. (And many other people I know!) And some of the dresses I see online have incredibly low necklines as well as no sleeves! Just not for me.

              My wedding dress (formerly my mom’s, circa 1971) was perfect for me except in having short sleeves instead of long ones. But I have tiny T-Rex arms so even the short sleeves came most of the way down to my elbow, which was not perfect but fine. In a strapless dress or even a dress with straps, I would have felt deeply uncomfortable and like everyone was looking at me for all the wrong reasons — not to mention the issue of boob spillage.

              However! I am relieved to learn that the people purchasing and wearing these wedding dresses are more comfortable in them than I (or anyone I personally know) would be, and not wearing them because that’s the only thing available.

        3. SchuylerSeestra*

          Good foundation garments, and double stick tape keep everything in place! Plus a lot of dresses have built in corsets.

          I’m not married, nor do I usually like strapless aesthetic. When I was maid of honor for my sisters wedding I was able to choose my own dress, with the caveat that it was within the color palate(the wedding was celestial themed).

          Lo and behold the dress I went with was strappless! I found it at a sample sale, and it was this beautiful bluish/purple color that reminded me of a galaxy. Other than needing hemming it fit like a glove. Even better it was deeply discounted so I only paid $10 for it.

          I did add a cross body strap with the extra fabric from the hem, but it was for aesthetic rather than support.

          1. iglwif*

            The colour sounds fantabulous! And finding a dress you love that fits you at a deep discount is the trifecta of shopping!!

            I was extremely fortunate in my wedding dress “shopping” because I was able to resurrect my mum’s first wedding dress, which my grandma had stored post-divorce, and the only alteration it needed was taking up the hem. Not quite $10 but extremely reasonable compared to buying something new!

            I know several folks who swear by fashion tape, and I wonder if I’ve just always been unlucky with it? Most recently, I had to sew someone into a dress to avoid wardrobe malfunctions on a high-stakes occasion (that is, I basted the shoulder seams to her bra straps so the shoulders wouldn’t slide down, then basted together the two halves of the wraparound top so the contents of the bra would not be revealed) because fashion tape was simply not doing the trick.

            1. SchuylerSeestra*

              Lucky on the wedding dress! My mom’s dress was gorgeous, but also very 1970s flower child. If I ever get married I’d love to incorporate the veil.

              In terms of fashion tape, there certainly is a science to it! My sis’s dress was practically backless, so that’s what she went with. She did do a test run with varies options first so there weren’t any suprises.

              1. iglwif*

                My mom wore a mantilla veil, which was not a style I was into, so I folded it in almost-half, basted across the middle to create gathers, and then stitched it to a transparent comb which I could stick in my hair and cover up with a puffy ivory headband. That way the front half of my actual veil could be brought down over my face for the veiling, instead of futzing around with a separate one. Fortunately her actual dress was more … sleek late 1960s, I guess? than 70s flower child.

                My approach to the science of fashion tape is mostly to avoid wearing things that might require it XD but I greatly respect people with expertise!

        4. Liz the Snackbrarian*

          I had a strapless gown, the place I ordered it from did my alterations. With a good tailor wardrobe malfunctions aren’t a huge concern.

          1. iglwif*

            I can understand that they might not be a rational concern! But some of us are just never going to feel comfortable like that and I wish there were more options.

            1. Bella Ridley*

              In all honesty, have you looked lately? Strapless wedding gowns had a huge moment in the 2000s and 2010s, and will likely always be a sort of perennial of wedding gown design, but gowns with straps and sleeves of almost any kind have been really, really common for about 10+ years now. There was a gigantic trend for sleeves following Kate Middleton’s wedding dress, and they are now really common. Right now, the uber-trendy thing is off-the-shoulder sleeves, but really there are a boatload of options, both for bridal and bridesmaids.

              1. iglwif*

                I have not looked lately — except at what comes across my instagram feed. (It goes in waves; some weeks it’s all wedding dresses and baby sleep tips, other weeks it’s something completely different.)

                I am 50 years old and thus have been married for more than half my life, and my adult child seems deeply uninterested so far XD

        5. Curvy but strapless*

          My strapless dress had lots of structure in the bodice and it was tailored for me (not unusual with wedding dresses). It fit like a dream and held up despite tons of very energetic dancing.

        6. NotAnotherManager!*

          Strapless is not new – it was very popular when I got married… 20+ years ago. It also should not be a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. Those dresses have built-in boning and are fitted in such a way that you should not lose your dress nor pop out of it if it fits correctly. You can also use garment tape, if some extra security is needed. My dress had straps, but I must have very short shoulders because I had to have them altered (and have this generally a lot with camis and tank tops). They did not provide any structural support to the dress, they were just part of the design.

          They’re also not that much more revealing than dresses that have spaghetti straps or tank-top sized straps. If you want coverage you need a fuller sleeve, jacket, or shawl. In comparison to some of the mesh, plunge, and lingere-style dresses that are popular now, the strapless dresses are pretty modest.

          1. iglwif*

            I genuinely don’t remember seeing a lot of strapless wedding gowns at the time when I was getting married and going to all my friends’ weddings (late 1990s — I’m over 50), but maybe that was just me and my friends. If I did see strapless dresses, and/or dresses with spaghetti straps or tank straps, I would have dismissed them immediately from consideration, so I might just not remember! I did not have the budget for the kind of bridal store that requires appointments etc., so that may have affected what I was seeing, too. And also I was getting married in December, which is presumably not a time of year when people wear strapless dresses very much.

            What I do remember is hating how floofy and bright white all the dresses seemed to be, and deciding that I was not going to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress I didn’t love, and ultimately deciding to wear my mom’s dress instead, which was an excellent and, incidentally, extremely cost-effective decision.

        7. me*

          I, like I assume, many other brides got my wedding dress tailored and the tailor added thick straps to the otherwise strapless dress, so I could wear my normal undergarments. I made that change because my prom dress’s funky neckline meant that the special undergarments were super uncomfortable and I didn’t want a repeat experience.

          Like actual dresses, headshots can be altered. It can’t be so hard to photo shop something that looks like a black shirt onto bare shoulders.

        8. Laura1*

          I’d worry about it slipping down too far too, but that isn’t too much skin for me. Everyone has different levels of comfort with showing skin.

          1. iglwif*

            Absolutely true, they do.

            And while I feel like what I see on the internet skews extremely heavily towards showing a lot of skin (strapless gowns, plunging necklines, low backs, skirts slit up to mid-thigh, all of the above), that doesn’t mean that’s all there is!

    2. Ally McBeal*

      That was such a smart idea you had! A lot of bridal hair is obviously bridal, but assuming one gets their makeup done first, the bride could throw on a button-down shirt at some point in the hair styling process (e.g. hair is half up, not fully curled and teased) and snap some quick shots for a headshot.

      I’m glad I work at a company that has staff photographers so I can get my headshots done easily, but I’m going to be thinking about this mini-photoshoot idea for a while.

    3. A Simple Narwhal*

      I took the photo for my passport the day after my wedding so my hair looks amazing, and it looks way better than my official company headshot so I use it for all the places I can upload my own photo.

      I’m also smiling and the lighting looks amazing because I got to take the photo myself as a selfie on my phone at home, so it has none of the harsh overhead lights or no smiling you usually get from the standard photo places. (I used hitchswitch to change my name and part of the package included an app that let you take and upload official passport photos from your phone as long as you follow the provided guidelines).

    4. Elizabeth West*

      Someone on one of my project teams (a man) has a profile pic that looks suspiciously like a wedding photo with someone cropped out. He’s not wearing a tux, but it looks like he’s very dressed up. Unless he was a groomsman, or something.
      Pictures at most places I’ve worked seem to be a mix of professional headshots, a shot obviously taken in the office, and “this is all I had.”

    5. A Pocket Lawyer*

      I am still a bit salty that everyone in our wedding party *except for me* got professional quality headshots out of it, which I paid for. And I didn’t even wear a veil! But my hair was in an updo and even my solo shots are very obviously wedding pictures. Gah!

    6. Mockingbird*

      LW1 – Experienced photoshoppers can do AMAZING work. There’s a subreddit called r/photoshoprequest where people post photos they want edited. You should give something like that a shot – give them the wedding picture you like and maybe a second picture that shows your regular hair, and ask them to edit out the veil and put you in a professional-looking outfit. People on that subreddit usually tip in the $10-25 range for the one they choose.

      1. MidWasabiPeas*

        I was just scrolling down to suggest this! There are so many options now to edit photos, especially if you have one without a veil, but even that can be edited out by someone who knows what they’re doing.

        1. Miss Chanandler Bong*

          I did that with my headshot, lol. I actually am good enough at photo editing that I did it myself with some help from AI.

          Though mine was from a day that I was going to see a Broadway show, and I was in full makeup and a nice blouse, so I took the shot against a wall in my house. Edited the background, fixed the hair a bit, smoothed the skin out, got rid of a necklace that was distracting, boom, I have a gorgeous headshot that I’m obsessed with, lol.

  2. AllergiesSuck*

    Fellow constant sneeze and cougher here. Folks I work with regularly just ignore it. I would be annoyed beyond all get out with the bless yous. Even one each time would be too much. My biggest problem is when folks on one time/infrequent calls try to insist on rescheduling because I’m sick.

    1. Annie*

      I learned my co-worker’s sneeze patterns. Often he’d sneeze twice, and then wait a few beats, and then sneeze one final time. Then I would offer the “bless you.” I definitely wouldn’t do it six times (except maybe the first time, jokingly).

      1. JSPA*

        This is lovely of you, but in a large open office, I don’t think we can expect this level of awareness of which sneezes are whose, and what each person’s sneeze pattern is, and what each person’s “bless you” preference is.

        Hearing “bless you” may be more distracting to the letter writer, or it may make them feel worse about their sneezing being a distraction.

        But having to parse the sneeze situation individually is almost certainly much more of a distraction for all of the people who otherwise say it reflexively (no thinking required).

        As a sneezer myself (though dramatically less so if I wear a mask) I would never shame another sneezer for sneezing. But it’s only fair to own the minor disruptive effect oneself, rather than displacing it onto people who respond with a socially-standard response.

        Having stated one’s preference it’s probably now best to let third parties intervene with the “blessers” if they’re more disturbed by the responses than by the sneezes alone.

        1. Annie*

          No, of course not, but if this person sneezes that often it should be a little easier to identify that and know she was going to sneeze six times in a row.
          At least understand that it’s not a single sneeze (which probably is more rare than multiple sneezes) or that once you say it once, and she continues to sneeze, you wait a little before saying it again.

        2. Laura1*

          That’s why I don’t think people need to say bless you in this situation. Just ignore it the way you ignore other sounds.

      2. tes vitrines infinies, tes horizons dorees, je veux m'en passer*

        Good opportunity for the French way here, if anyone wants a quick laugh:

        1er – à tes souhaites
        2ème – à tes amours
        3ème – et qu’elles durent toujours !

        1. JustaTech*

          There’s a fun German phrase for after someone sneezes repeatedly that essentially means “It’s a good thing our teeth don’t fall out!”

      3. Random Bystander*

        I always sneeze in multiples. People who know me will just wait and then it’s “Bless you, squared” (two sneezes), “cubed” (three sneezes), or “Bless you times [number of sneezes]”.

    2. allathian*

      Just as long as they don’t go the French route:

      First sneeze: à vos/tes souhaits (roughly equivalent to “bless you” or “good wishes,” or “to your health” the pronoun depends on whether you use formal or informal address with the person)
      Second sneeze: à vos/tes amours (“to your loves”)
      Third sneeze, several options:
      – et qu’elles/qu’ils durent toujours – “and may they last forever”
      – que les tiennes / vôtres durent toujours – “may yours last forever”
      – avec un grand A et beaucoup de s – “with a capital A and many an s”
      – et à tes enfants / et à vos enfants – “and to your children”
      – et à ton argent / et à votre argent – “and to your money”

      Credit to Lawless French, link in a follow-up comment.

      And I agree with you on allergies, sneezing season’s here, too.

      2. Oh brother*

        I learned
        1. One sneeze “god bless you”
        2. Two “God save you”
        3. Three “may the devil take you!”

      3. Putting the Dys in Dysfunction*

        My partner and I are both serial (and very loud) sneezers. I will start with “Bless you” and then move on to the standard sneeze response in various languages, but sometimes she out-sneezes my trove of memorized responses.

      4. Silver Robin*

        A Colombian friend of mine taught me salud, amor, dinero as their progression. Except my partner will regularly sneeze more than thrice (I wait till he is finished) and so I tease that they need to come up with a longer list to keep up!

    3. Weaponized Pumpkin*

      I do my best to discourage bless-yous, because I am an epic sneezer. (It runs in my family.) Not just 3 or 6 — it could be 20 or more. It goes on and on! And it SUCKS. Extra commentary and blessings (from a god i don’t believe in) only make it more uncomfortable. If they really feel the need to say something, I let them know that one blessing is more than enough to cover the whole fit, but honestly wish they’d just ignore me.

      1. Aerin*

        First offense: “No more blessings, please! Go bless someone else!”
        Second offense: “Haha no but seriously if I hear ‘bless you’ one more time I’m gonna hold in the sneezes until my head explodes Scanners-style.”
        Third offense: ::direct eye contact:: “Scanners.”

      2. Hats Are Great*

        Honestly it’s reflexive to the point of Pavlovian. I don’t believe in that God either, nor that anybody’s soul is flying out their nose, nor did my parents, nor was I raised that way, but I if I hear a sneeze I say “bless you” whether I mean to or not.

        I tried to switch to “gezundheit” (which is not uncommon where I live in the US as an adult), but the problem is … “bless you” is Pavlovianly ingrained in me.

    4. KC*

      Super sneezer here too! Mine seems to be genetic (as I get older I gain one; I’m at 7 and my mom is at 13). During the pandemic I had to bring multiple masks every where in case of a sneeze attack (and then I’d have to reassure people that the sneezing was normal).

      I’ve always had good luck being light-hearted about it and telling people “Don’t waste your blessings, there are more on the way” or holding up a finger as a wait signal — I sometimes have a pause between them so this lets people know I’m not done.

      My favorite reaction to this was a friend who would alternate “Bless you!” and “Go to hell!” for each sneeze and we’d see where I’d land (usually hell).

      1. Queen Esmeralda*

        I started saying “Bless you” anytime someone coughed. When asked why, I asked why they said “bless you” for one form of respiratory symptom and not another. Shouldn’t it be equal across the board? It didn’t end the “bless yous” that I got, but they certainly decreased in number.

    5. Magda*

      You can definitely ask a Committed Blesser to save it for only the first or last sneeze. If they are a kindly person, you could say “I feel awkward being such a distraction and having a lot of attention called to my sneezing, could I ask you to just say it once?”

    6. Cazaril*

      Same problem—non-allergic rhinitis means my sneezing is year-round! I generally tell people that this will go on, and just consider me blessed.

    7. Tiffany*

      As a serial sneezer, it is annoying when folks say bless you after each one.

      Even worse are the folks who are convinced that I am holding back and I just need to let myself do one big sneeze, and that it is their duty to convince me of this.

      1. Selina Luna*

        That is annoying. I’m not typically a serial sneezer, but when I am, it’s because one really finicky bit of pollen, dirt, or dandelion fluff got up my nose, not because I just need one really big sneeze.

    8. Phony Genius*

      I had a teacher who had his own way of solving the problem. On the first day of school, when one of the students sneezed and several kids said “bless you”or “gesundheit,” he stood up on a chair, raised his arms and said “you are all hereby blessed for all sneezes in this room for the remainder of the school year.”

    9. StressedButOkay*

      My dad and I both suffer terrible year round allergies and we are both LOUD sneezers, too. No dainty sneezes for me, sadly! What we do – and I’ve carried into other aspects of my life, including work – is just to say “bless you times a thousand” (or a million if it’s a really bad day). It is far less annoying than a bless you EVERY time we sneeze.

      1. HigherEd Escapee*

        This is pretty much what happened in a former workplace years ago. A friend who sneezes a lot and is also a vocal atheist and didn’t like being blessed when she sneezed, moved cubicles. She and one of her former cube mates, who believed in blessing everyone for sneezing, had sort of come to a détente in the bless vs. sneeze fight. On the morning after my friend moved into her new cube, which was very near to her boss’s new office but away from most other folks, former cube mate had put a small magnet by the entrance that said “BLESS YOU SINCE YOU’RE WAY OVER THERE NOW” that she’d made herself. The magnet stayed, the détente continued, problem solved.

    10. AnneSch*

      For all sneezers who can rule out infect or allergies: They might be interested in this phenomenon “photic sneeze reflex” – according to Wikipedia it’s also known as ACHOO syndrome, a “contrived acronym for Autosomal-dominant Compelling Helio-Ophthalmic Outburst” :-)

      The causes are still debated, as a photic sneezer myself, I find the various speculations on the Wikipedia article interesting!

      1. Sir Nose d'Voidoffunk*

        I’ve had that for years (so did my dad) and I use it to my advantage at this point. If I get a tickle in my throat that I’m not sure is going to result in a sneeze, I just stare at a light. 99% of the time, it works and I’m not left with the near-sneeze feeling.

    11. ThatGirl*

      I tend to get sneezy too, especially during allergy season. I have told my immediate coworkers at every job “I usually sneeze 5-8 times in a row, you don’t have to keep saying bless you” and after seeing it a few days in a row they really get it. I would definitely be annoyed if people kept it up for weeks.

    12. Landry*

      A former coworker would sneeze up to 10 times in a row — not an exaggeration! We’d usually say “bless you” after the first one or two and then graciously ignore her after that. We were all so used to it being a part of her charm and office life in general that repeated “bless you” after that would have been overkill.

    13. PhyllisB*

      My late Irish grandmother ALWAYS said “God Bless You” to any sneezes. Once I had hay fever and COULD NOT quit sneezing. Finally, she said “God Bless You!! For the rest of the day!! We all cracked up and said we wondered when she was going to do that.
      I don’t sneeze much as a rule ordinarily, but when I do it’s always three in a row. My granddaughter will count them and say Bless You after the third one.

    14. Lisa*

      This tradition is so incredibly regional, at least within the US. I zigzagged coasts and regions as a child and was dumbfounded when I first moved to a region where “Bless You” to a sneezer was common, I had no idea what they were on about. Then as an adult I lived again where it was uncommon and would be startled when someone said it. I do not have the habit of saying it myself and would struggle if I moved somewhere it is seen as rude not to.
      I think it’s one of those things that can seem so incredibly normal when you’re surrounded by it, but if you step outside that bubble it is actually a really weird thing to do. For most body noises either we ignore them, or the person who made them apologies (e.g. “excuse me” for an audible burp). Somehow this idea has stuck that for sneezing and sneezing alone it is the job of the people who heard it not only to acknowledge it, but to do so in a blatantly religious and/or superstitious manner.
      If you are a frequent sneezer and you come from a “bless you” culture you could, in a new setting at least, pretend to come from someplace where that isn’t common and be confused when people say it. It MIGHT get them to stop if they knew you actually find it kinda weird. Because if you’re not used to it, it’s really weird.

      1. Leenie*

        I think that might come across as odd. I’m not doubting your experience. But I’ve lived in every region of the US except for the Northwest, and I’ve never been to a place where people didn’t say, “bless you” after a sneeze. You’re absolutely right that it’s a weird custom, but it has been universally customary in the US in my experience. So acting baffled by it seems more likely to make the sneezer seem weird to the blessers than it is to make the blessers themselves feel like weirdos.

    15. fhqwhgads*

      I mean really, for the OP, the valid beef is them doing it six times when it’s clear the pattern is a repeat. I wouldn’t hold out any hope of getting people to stop altogether, but at least wait til the sequence is over, and if you hear someone else already saying it, you don’t need to add on.
      So fhqwhgads’s official sneezing etiquette rule of thumb:
      Person obviously still sneezing, say nothing
      Someone else already said/saying gesundheit, say nothing
      Person definitely done with sequence of sneezes and nobody said anything, if you feel so inclined to say it, fine say it, but saying nothing is fine too

    16. D*

      I’m also a frequent chain-sneezer in an open office space! My coworkers have actually been pretty great at issuing one or two blanket blessings in my chain of 6+ sneezes.

      Sometimes, if I can manage it after the first “bless you,” I’ll say something like, “Thank you! I’ve been sufficiently blessed for the day!” or, “Thanks! Your duty is done!” or, “I have more coming, just one is good!”

      It didn’t take many statements like that to do the trick. Although we’ve also talked about it when I’m not sneezing. Rather than telling them I’m worried about being disruptive (putting the option back on their preference about whether or not to bless me), I tell them that my preference is one (or even no) blessing because of how hard it is to thank them in between sneezes. I’ve also joked that I’ve been blessed so many times that I should issue all future blessings from now on.

      My coworkers even joke, “[My name] bless!” when I or someone else sneeze, or that I’m the patron saint of sneezes.

    17. CMBG*

      My uncle says (joking, but also meaning it), “You’re allowed one ‘bless you,’ and you just used it up. Now you have to ignore me.”

      Something like that is easier in a small group than in a large open office, because the people more than a couple cubes away might not be able to tell who is sneezing each sneeze, and if there’s a chance that some of the sneezes aren’t yours, well, maybe they won’t want to miss “bless-you-ing” the other sneezer.

  3. AnotherSarah*

    For OP4 (book tour): My sense (from my discussions with my publisher as well as with friends who have done a lot of promotion on their books) is that a “book tour” is often something like a week of promotional stops without coming home, and after (or before!) that, a few events closer to home and often on weekends. Like if you live in the mid-Atlantic, you might have a whirlwind week in the Midwest and West Coast, but after that, it’s a weekend in New England, a weekend in the South, etc. It’s still a lot, of course, and a company might not be okay with it, but it’s not like touring with a band for weeks/months.

    1. lyonite*

      And even that is optimistic! Unless you’re a Big Deal, you’re going to be organizing and paying for any book tour yourself, which in practical terms means mostly stops in your area, and generally on evenings and weekends. (Source: I am a traditionally published author, and have many author friends.) And, honestly, doing much more doesn’t make a lot of sense–bookstore events don’t sell many books, unless you’re popular enough not to need them. If you have reason to think your situation may be different, your agent can help you navigate the requirements, and should be able to run interference with your publisher if they ask for something that doesn’t work for you.

      1. Writer Claire*

        And I’d recommend against paying for promotion whenever possible–especially a book tour that costs a lot for little return.

        Author here. Not a big time author but published by Harper Voyager, Penguin, and Tor.
        Your publisher will assign you a publicist, and you can ask them what their plans are. Quite often, this won’t involve you at all–they’ll send out advance review copies to print and online reviewers, to news sources, etc. (I once got a mention in Oprah’s online magazine!) They’ll also arrange for a lot of virtual interviews, which you can do on your own time.

        Where you might need to take some PTO… If your publisher is trying to create a huge buzz, or a buzz is building, they might try to get you booked for a major event such as the New York Book Festival or a genre related event such as Comicon. They would also love if you attended some smaller regional events on your own.

        But all those events only require a day or two for each, and you can and should push back if you don’t have the time or money to attend ALL of them. It’s a balance, to be sure. As lyonite said, your agent can run interference for you. That’s part of their job.

        And congratulations!!! I am so happy for you.

      2. Magda*

        I know precisely one author (out of hundreds) who is a really Big Deal who travels all over the world doing book things. That’s awesome and would be a good problem to have. If you get there, you’ll know it. Not to crush a dream but it’s not most author’s experience. (That author has a working spouse).

      3. Dahlia*

        Yeah, honestly, for a first book? You’re probably going to be asked to make some tiktoks and do a lot of your own promo online. Most book tours these days are virtual IME.

    2. Not Australian*

      ‘Virtual book tours’ are also a thing these days: they still require a time commitment, but less travelling. They usually require little more than an online Q&A and a few giveaways for each ‘stop’.

      1. MsSolo (UK)*

        Yes, even some pretty established authors I know tend to have their tours as a couple of local bookshops in the evenings* + virtual events at other bookshops or syndicated bookclubs + some kind of local festival / event like ‘literacy week’ or ‘self employment week’.

        *this being the UK, there’s usually multiple towns close enough to do these after work

      2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

        The virtual events are also often in the evenings, so depending on your work schedule they may not interfere much – maybe leaving early because of timezones, but not taking off days at a time to be able to travel.

    3. Limmy*

      I trad published a book last year, and my book promo was almost entirely just doing TV and radio appearances (in London, where I live) and siting down for interviews and photoshoots with newspapers and magazines. I didn’t do many actual bookshop events.

    4. Magda*

      My book promo (although by no means a massive press blitz) was easily accomplished with existing PTO. Did I *want* a few more days, yes – and I think I took the week of the release off – these days a lot of it happens that week, which is stressful – but otherwise it wasn’t that hard to schedule podcasts on my lunch break, do written interviews after work, etc. Fortunately most conferences have a weekend component although irritatingly a lot of them start Thursdays and if you want to be a speaker you can’t get too picky – in fact you mostly have to apply before you know the schedule. But then sometimes you take PTO, sometimes you decline or ask for a different day.

      1. Analyst*

        Except OP4 is starting a new job and will not have any leave accrued initially…I foresee this causing a lot of problems.

        2. LongTimeReader*

          OP4 here: Yes, this is the concern. The book is thematically related to the organization I have been interviewing with, and it may bring them enough prestige that negotiating will be painless, but this is the language in my contract: “Author shall be available for multi-city tours, any and all appearances (e.g. local and national media, bookstore signings), including print, radio, TV and online promotion as deemed necessary by Publisher which shall include a minimum of 14 days within the first 30 days following Publisher’s first publication of the Work.”

          1. Drielgalad*

            That’s a fairly unusual stipulation, the “any and all”–and I am wondering why your agent didn’t push back on that. Assuming that you didn’t get a big enough advance to make a day job irrelevant, or at least delayable, it sets you up for issues. That said, you may have to simply pitch it to your new employer when accepting their (fingers crossed!) offer as “a two-week period I am already contracted for,” then explain to your publishers that they get you for those fourteen days and no others. It is a rare publisher that won’t work with you on this.

            1. LongTimeReader*

              OP4: I’d like to respond with more in-depth detail, but I’m concerned anything else I say could make me easily identifiable. Thank you so much for your insight! I have emailed my agent and editor.

            2. Ask a Manager* Post author

              I would also talk to your agent about that now and get their sense of how much wiggle room you have, because it would be really unusual for your publisher to not understand you have a day job that you can’t jeopardize. It would be surprising if you’re not able to push back on anything at all. Your agent will be able to guide you on it.

          2. Anon this time*

            So question: have you had a marketing plan / promo plan call with the marketing people from your publisher yet? (Especially since your timing concerns for accruing leave suggest your book is publishing earlier rather than later in the year—if it drops in November you’d have leave accrued, right?) If not, or if you haven’t been given other indications as to what your specific obligations are going to be for publicity outside of what’s in this contract, I might ping your agent to inquire about getting that set up. Because here’s the thing— this is what your contract stipulates that *you* have to be available and willing to do, not what your publisher is promising is going to happen for you in terms of promo. This language could well be boilerplate. If those details haven’t been discussed yet, I think it’s absolutely acceptable to ask your agent to initiate conversations because it’s becoming relevant to the rest of your life to know what their expectations of you are going to be.

    5. Anon this time*

      Yes, even this is very optimistic, especially for a debut. It’s a lot more likely (I’m sorry to sound pessimistic but) a publisher would plan zero events than an entire tour. In fact…if you haven’t had the convo yet, OP, and you want to have a launch event, you might discover you’re planning your own. (I’m an author with five books out and almost ten years in trad publishing fwiw)

      1. Alianne*

        My husband is coming up on his 8th book published since 2016, and 99% of all his author events (cons, podcast interviews, bookstore appearances) have been virtual or carefully scheduled to happen on weekends/holidays or after his day job is done. Only once has his publisher asked him to attend a con that was happening during the regular work week, and they footed the whole bill for his travel and hotel and such because they knew he’d be taking time off for it.

        Congratulations!

      2. blank for now*

        Yep. I have a lot of published friends (I’m agented but thus far only have experienced dying on sub) and most of them haven’t had a ton of events organized by their publishers. And one who did get sent to a lot of conferences still underperformed based on publisher expectations.

        For the OP, r/pubtips on reddit might be a good resource for connecting with writers in the trad pub space to get an idea of what debut obligations might look like, and to learn more about others experiences navigating around a day job.

    6. Drielgalad*

      The consensus here is dead-on: travel is rarer than it once was, your publisher understands when you have conflicts, and the large majority of your promotional work will be done from home. A couple things I wanted to add:

      1) Doing the promotional work from home will take more time/attention/energy than you think it will. Talk with your editor and agent about when they’ll be asking the most of you in that regard (usually over the two months pre-release), and be aware that these promotional tasks (and, probably, pre-first-release giddiness and terror) will be eating your brain. If you have some control over your schedule at your new job, insofar as possible, try not to undertake any particularly difficult/challenging/time-consuming task there at during this time period.

      2) For me, and some other author friends I’ve discussed this with, offices have proved surprisingly understanding about book-related travel. It’s fun and interesting to many, and writing fiction is a side gig that doesn’t get side-eyed. In other words, asking for a few days off for book-promo travel will often get more latitude than other time-off requests. Not inevitably true–but it can work out this way.

    7. Bee*

      I’m in the industry and my experience is that for the vast majority of authors the promotional requirements can be easily done around your day job. A lot of it will be written on your own schedule, and bookstore events (which, yes, you will probably only have 1-3 and will not have to travel for) are also scheduled around when attendees would be in the office/school. It’s probably a good idea to take your pub day off if only because you won’t be good for much, and you may be sent to a festival or two (also on weekends) that might need a vacation day for travel. But yeah, you’re not going to need months off to promote the book. That’s why there are publicity and marketing departments!

      1. AVP*

        Yup — I organize these types of campaigns as part of my job and am often doing the back-and-forth between authors, festivals, bookstores, media. All of those entities are generally very amenable and know that you have a day job to work around, and it’s pretty easy to schedule media only for lunch times, or events only from 7-9pm on certain nights of the week, etc.

        The contract with the publisher is also pretty amenable to be futzed with in this way. Good ones know that they’re barely paying you enough to do this as a side hustle, and will treat your time accordingly.

        I usually counsel people to try to take a short day-job vacation for their pub week, or at least for 2-3 days around pub day, but other than that OP should be fine.

    8. PhyllisB*

      Yep.I have a cousin who has published several books and most of his appearances are within a hundred miles of his home, so day trips.
      Now that he’s retired from his “day job” he and his wife bought a motor home and do a lot of traveling so I think he arranges publicity stops along the way.

    9. Brett*

      I had a friend publish a graphic memoir last year and she was on the road doing events for like 4-5 solid months. However I suspect that was not solely organized by the publisher.

    10. daffodil*

      My experience with a commercially published book was exactly 0 book events. All my publicity activities were writing/excerpts.
      It would be a good idea for OP4 to ask their agent and editor what to expect since they know the identifying details, but I wouldn’t automat anticipate a huge disruption.

  4. Cmdrshprd*

    OP3 when you say “This causes friction and delays and impacts the work of the whole place.”

    If the situation is that some moves take longer while people are out, it’s seems like that is a reasonable expectation. Just because people are upset about something their moves taking a day or a few days longer (internal customers/clients) does not mean it is an actual problem that is worth or needs solving.

    I get that it sucks to be the person likely receiving the complaints, I would suggest that you can try to redirect them to management, but a lot of times people will find something to complain about. I would try not to take it personally.

    Especially if people on your team still call out sick as need and take PTO.

    you can try to have a stock saying, “yes it sucks this is taking longer than you want but we are doing our best.” repeat adnauseum.

    1. Metal Gru*

      I’ve been wondering about this for a while: if people are out (like in LW’s case) and desk moves will take longer or whatever the delay is – is it “unprofessional” to say something like “due to short staffing today it will take longer”, “we are closed today due to sickness absence”, etc? I feel like it could be, because it’s attributing the cause to the person who’s out rather than due to lean staffing. I have the same issue sometimes and try to avoid saying something like “we’re short staffed” but rather the amount of urgent work we have is higher than we can accommodate in the usual time frames etc.. Is this a “correct” approach?

      1. TechWorker*

        Personally I don’t think it’s unprofessional, *especially* if your clients are internal which it sounds like they are for this LW. I also wouldn’t view saying ‘we’re understaffed today so please be patient’ as blaming it on the person who’s out, you are being accurate about the problem. If it’s REALLY a problem then making people know that also helps – if the complaints turn into ‘there’s not enough resource on team X it slows my team down which has impact Y,Z’ that may be the push the company needs to add more staff.

      2. Nebula*

        Personally, I think being upfront about being short-staffed due to sickness absence is the better approach. If I’m the person who needs something done ‘The amount of urgent work we have is higher than we can accommodate’ etc etc (which happens to be along the lines of an automated message I received yesterday in response to a helpdesk request) is kind of annoying because it’s just like, OK you don’t have any capacity to cope with being busier than usual? Which, to be clear, is an issue I would attribute to management not hiring enough staff or something rather than the people actually dealing with my request. But if I had received a message saying ‘We’re short-staffed due to sickness absence’ well now I know that this can’t be helped, since people get sick and it’s no one’s fault. It also means I know that this is an acute issue rather than a chronic one (leaving aside the question of whether the team should have more staff in the first place).

        This actually reminds me of an article I read recently about language guidelines given to railway staff here in the UK. Apparently there’s an emphasis on person-focused language (so using second person ‘you’ instead of saying ‘passengers’ or ‘customers’), and on being specific and honest about any issues, using natural language. There was an example scenario of all trains from a station being cancelled because of a tree falling on the line. Instead of having an announcement saying e.g. ‘Services this evening are cancelled due to recent storm events. We apologise for any inconvenience’ the handbook encourages something more like ‘We’re really sorry but we’ve had to cancel all the trains for the next few hours as a tree has fallen on the line just outside the station, and it will take some time to clear.’ The latter is less ‘professional’ but more useful.

        1. Magda*

          Thinking of plane delays etc, I agree that opaque/formal language just makes you feel like they’re hiding something or trying to “manage” you, or even that they don’t understand that sitting on the tarmac for hours is actually a really big problem. I have appreciated the time the pilot explains in normal language what is going on. So I agree with this.

      3. Insert Clever Name Here*

        I wonder if OP’s management has any control over the timelines given out — if a desk move takes 2 days assuming all six employees are in the office but can take up to 4 days if only five are in the office, then ideally the range given when a request comes in would be “we will have you moved in 2-4 days.” If requests only ever get quoted as taking the 100% attendance time then that’s a pretty easy fix to alleviate friction!

        1. Edwina*

          Yes, I’ve found that managing expectations in advance is a lot more effective (and better for my mental health) than apologizing and explaining when things don’t go according to plan.

        2. Smithy*

          I would also add that making this case may make it easier to hire more people. If one person being out reducing internal turn around from 2 days to 4 days (hypothetically speaking) – then you can show how many days of PTO everyone on that team has all year. And say if the team is taking 75% of their PTO on average every year, that’s how many days to expect that 4 day turn around.

          Depending on the nature of the need – that may make management decide that it’s too much of the year with that 4 day turn around, and it’s worth hiring at least one extra person. Or, it’s a case where a 4 day turn around is an acceptable length and that’s the new standard expectation – but people can be happy when the turnaround is shorter.

          I joined a new team during COVID in a job where there’s regularly travel, but it had almost entirely been stopped. When travel resumed, along with people taking PTO – I remember having a conversation with my boss where she was commenting on our team being short staffed. And it was like – you give us X days of PTO a year. Additionally our work is known to have travel. We’re not short staffed, you’ve just gotten used to no one traveling – and if with this staffing we can’t work – that’s another problem.

        3. Sara without an H*

          Remember that old gag, “Always underpromise and over perform”? I used to caution my own team against over-enthusiasm in setting timeframes. Maybe OP#3 needs to be more upfront about setting expectations? “Jobs like the one you’ve requested typically take 3-5 days. [That is, 3 days if fully staffed, 5 if somebody’s out.] Will that work for you?”

          1. Can't get the hang of Thursdays*

            I was able to make the case for a floating staffer for a group of admin when we got up close to 20 staff. At that point, if everyone took just their PTO,it worked out to 1 person out every day of the year. But I had to show the math to my executives in order to make my case!

      4. Magda*

        Also, like OP says, this isn’t really “short staffing” it’s .. expected staffing? If you have six total people who all get PTO (I hope they do) then most days probably one person will be out, right? I have been patent when a service is deficient and blames short staffing, but the second or third time it happens I’m aware that this IS the normal and expected service.

        1. kiki*

          Yeah, I do think it sounds like part of the issue here is that the group may not be building in leave and time off into their estimates for projects. The estimates really should be given assuming 5 people will be working. And even that may be fallible if two people are out sick at the same time.

        2. Starbuck*

          Yeah, with 260 weekdays in a year divided by 6 people, you get 40. So if each person has a reasonable number of sick/vacation/holidays (say, like, 20…) that’s every other day on average you’d expect to have someone out, assuming no overlaps. So having your year-round default assumption being 6 people always available probably isn’t wise.

      5. LaminarFlow*

        I don’t find either reason unprofessional – small teams are small teams. I find that people are usually pretty understanding of whatever reason for a delay if they are informed before the work starts. That way, they can adjust their expectations, and figure out an alternative before the work starts.

        If by some stroke of luck, the work takes less time, welp, awesome! Nobody has ever been mad that work is finished earlier than planned. And, the person doing the work can look like a hero for simply underpromising and overdelivering.

    2. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      What I wonder is the friction among the others on their team or the people they serve? Does it have a real impact on the other members? Like is there a safety concern because 4 people can move X but its safer and easier with 6? If there is a concern like that then I think the OP should be able to push back with management and give clear data on why they need at least 1 more person.

  5. Purple People Eater*

    Chronic coughers & sneezers: after having congestion issues from long term use of Cpaps and decongestants we (large family) researched how to deal with allergy-like symptoms despite allergy management.

    Alas, we found that you could have allergies AND non-allergic rhinitis, and having one problem didn’t preclude the other. Inflamed sinus tissue (caused by medications, acid reflux, irritants, weather, hormones, foods, and infections) can cause the sneezing and coughing symptoms like allergies.

    There’s like 100’s of potential triggers to test that takes time but if it’s worth it for you, you might consider this info. I hope it can help someone.

    https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/nonallergic-rhinitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20351229

    1. SchuylerSeestra*

      I’ve had acid reflux since I was a teenager, but didn’t learn it impacts my sinuses until adulthood.

      I also get running induced rhinitis on occasion. Which is really annoying because it isn’t consistent.

  6. Mockingbird*

    LW5, LinkedIn is good, but get personal emails for everyone as well. My best professional reference died, his backup offered to be a reference. Great, except he’s now retired and has never replied to the message I sent him on LinkedIn. My second best reference has changed jobs and even the personal email i had for her isn’t working.

    It’s also good to build a network in the situation you’re in. Just remember to keep personal communication to devices you own, transfer any contacts you need now, backup all important data to your personal devices, and wipe any and all personal data off any device you don’t own.

    1. Free Meerkats*

      All the yesses to this. I was barely on LinkedIn when I was working. Now that I’ve been retired for almost 2 years (has it really been that long?), I’m not even sure Id remember my login info if I tried to log into it.

      1. learnedthehardway*

        True – but if many email programs will split your mail up for you. Mine splits into Inbox, Social Media (this is where most of my LinkedIn messages go), Promotions (ie. Advertising), Updates (don’t even ask me why that exists), and that’s not even counting the Spam folder, which doesn’t show up unless I look for it.

        Just yesterday, I found a message I had been waiting for from LinkedIn in my Spam. I was not happy about that, as it was for an urgent project I’m working on.

        While LinkedIn is important for networking, I would get direct emails as well.

    3. Kate*

      Yes, don’t rely on LinkedIn. Many senior (and non-senior) career feds are completely deleting their online presence. Signal is now the best way to contact many of these folks to request info like personal email addresses, etc.

    4. T.N.H*

      My husband works in government and not a single person in his office has a LinkedIn. It’s pretty uncommon in some agencies.

      1. Tired Fed*

        It can be, but I believe a lot of feds are creating their first Linked In profile now. Some friends of mine did when they were put on Admin Leave for DEI.

    5. AKchic*

      Very much all of this.

      I have a lot of wonderful references, but a lot of my references are older. A few retired. I tend to stay with jobs a long time, so within a few years, my references at previous jobs become stale or out of date real quick. After the plague, many have passed. I had two pass within the last 3 months. Can’t use political references for any position in my area due to the conflict of interest.
      LinkedIn is a wasteland as far as I can tell. Scam jobs, self-promotion, ghost jobs, and inbox jumpers looking for a date.
      Social media? Not helpful when you want to keep professional distance with current coworkers. Best to set up private email/phone number exchange only.

  7. Honey cocoa*

    OP1Do you know anyone who’s really good at photo editing? Like maybe your wedding photographer? If it’s just edit out the veil, maybe someone could do that for you – or maybe you could do that. Might be worth a try!

      1. March*

        Not a good one, and definitely not one that won’t use up the amount of water and energy that an entire city uses in a month.

        1. Spooz*

          Serious question, because I am hearing more and more about how much water and energy AI uses:

          If it uses up this much resources for each task, how come it’s free?

          It doesn’t really make sense to me that companies would not charge for this if it is so costly for them. What am I missing here?

          (NB: I experimented with ChatGPT a few times and with an AI image creator once to see what they were like but am not a habitual current user of AI.)

          1. bamcheeks*

            Tons of venture capital funding in the hope that it will turn into something profitable eventually— that’s the model that most digital development has. Most of the big digital companies had a few years of being unprofitable for years before they figured out how to make money from what they were doing.

            And capitalism REALLY isn’t set up to preserve resources. It’s totally fine with capitalism if a product eats up water/air/energy etc as long as it looks like it’ll make someone lots of money eventually.

            1. Spooz*

              “And capitalism REALLY isn’t set up to preserve resources. It’s totally fine with capitalism if a product eats up water/air/energy etc as long as it looks like it’ll make someone lots of money eventually.”

              That’s kind of what I’m getting at. The water and energy ISN’T free to the AI company. It costs them money. So why would they not charge for something which costs them money?

              I guess it makes sense that they’re regarding that money as an investment that will one day rake in the big bucks. I’ve not seen anything about advertising on AI, but maybe this is what we should expect soon, a la Facebook and YouTube.

              1. Falling Diphthong*

                They are not charging because they think they can create a demand and then a way to make money will materialize.

                It is very bizarre, and reminds me a bit of the suggestion that the stock market has gone up because people with a lot of money needed to put it somewhere.

              2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

                This is absolutely standard for “disruptive” startups. Undersell the competition, like Uber and Lyft did with cabs, or become viewed as indespensible in a new area, like Google Maps, and then jack up the price or introduce ads. Right now they’re losing money – that’s why venture capital exists – with the expectation they’ll make Big Profit soon. (Most startups fail at getting to Big Profit, of course!)

              3. Emmy Noether*

                I remember thinking the same thing when Youtube and Google were free and had no or very few ads. I expect this will go the same way.

                Except worse. Because you can probably make AI output 100% advertisements, or skewed in some kind of sponsored direction, and you won’t even necessarily notice how it’s skewed. Just program the AI to shill a thing and it can put it *everywhere*.

              4. Mantic Re*

                LW1 – I actually use a cropped version of one of engagement photos as my avatar, haha. I was wearing a top that reads decently professional, my hair and makeup looked good (but not unusually formal), and it was a professional photo so it looks a lot nicer than a random photo of me.

              5. Elizabeth West*

                The bigger problem with generative AI, anyway, is that it scrapes other people’s content. That’s how it gets trained. So regardless of environmental impact, using it is fundamentally unethical.

                The other day I saw someone had reposted a video of a robot doing something very mundane and they said, “This is the kind of work AI should be doing, not art and literature.”

            2. Starbuck*

              Thanks for writing the comment I was about to. It’s just gross, I’m never going to be a fan of resource-draining AI.

          2. TechWorker*

            Training is hugely expensive, once the model exists I don’t have precise numbers but it is clearly not huge amounts per task. At some point I would expect it to get more expensive to use though (& note lots of companies are already charging businesses to use AI).

            1. TechWorker*

              From Google, running a model once trained costs ‘a few cents to a dollar’ per run, depending on the hardware and the complexity of the model. That’s maybe still more than I expected, so the point that at some point they might have to charge ‘more’ remains. That said social media & streaming endless video can’t be free either.

            2. amoeba*

              Yeah, like, using an AI tool *once* certainly doesn’t use up anything remotely close to “the amount of water and energy that an entire city uses in a month”? Like, yes, AI definitely has downsides, but that kind of exaggeration really doesn’t help the debate.

              Quickly googled and found that if one out of 10 working Americans used GPT-4 once a week for a year, *that* would equal the electricity consumed by all households in Washington DC. Which is still a lot, for sure! But a tool that used that much for *a single query* just… couldn’t exist.

            3. Hlao-roo*

              I was able to dig up few numbers from various sources (I will link directly to the articles in a follow-up comment).

              From “AI and energy: Will AI help reduce emissions or increase demand? Here’s what to know”:

              Training a model such as Generative Pre-trained Transformer 3 (or GPT-3) is estimated to use just under 1,300 megawatt hours (MWh) of electricity. This is roughly equivalent to the annual power consumption of 130 homes in the US.

              Training the more advanced GPT-4, meanwhile, is estimated to have used 50 times more electricity.

              From “AI already uses as much energy as a small country. It’s only the beginning.”

              According to the IEA, a single Google search takes 0.3 watt-hours of electricity, while a ChatGPT request takes 2.9 watt-hours. (An incandescent light bulb draws an average of 60 watt-hours of juice.) If ChatGPT were integrated into the 9 billion searches done each day, the IEA says, the electricity demand would increase by 10 terawatt-hours a year — the amount consumed by about 1.5 million European Union residents.

              From “AI Is Accelerating the Loss of Our Scarcest Natural Resource: Water”:

              AI server cooling consumes significant water, with data centers using cooling towers and air mechanisms to dissipate heat, causing up to 9 liters of water to evaporate per kWh of energy used.

              The U.S. relies on water-intensive thermoelectric plants for electricity, indirectly increasing data centers’ water footprint, with an average of 43.8L/kWh withdrawn for power generation.

              So the final numbers are:
              Training for GPT-3 energy cost: 1,300 MWh (= 1,300,000,000 watt-hours)
              Training for GPT-3 direct water cost: 11,700,000 Liters
              Training for GPT-3 indirect water cost: 56,940,000 L

              Single use of GPT-3 energy cost: 2.9 watt-hour
              Single use of GPT-3 direct water cost: 0.0261 L (= 26.1 mL)
              Single use of GPT-3 indirect water cost: 0.127 L (= 127 mL)

              As TechWorker said, not a huge amount per task on an already trained model. But (1) it takes a huge amount of energy/water to train a model and (2) the more people who use AI for more tasks, the faster those relatively small per-task costs will add up.

              1. Hlao-roo*

                Link to “AI and energy: Will AI help reduce emissions or increase demand? Here’s what to know” article:

                https://www.weforum.org/stories/2024/07/generative-ai-energy-emissions/

                Link to “AI already uses as much energy as a small country. It’s only the beginning.” article:

                https://www.vox.com/climate/2024/3/28/24111721/climate-ai-tech-energy-demand-rising

                Link to “AI Is Accelerating the Loss of Our Scarcest Natural Resource: Water” article:

                https://www.forbes.com/sites/cindygordon/2024/02/25/ai-is-accelerating-the-loss-of-our-scarcest-natural-resource-water/

          3. Nonsense pt2*

            Most free AI tools are also betting on the “slow creep” or “freemium” model. Start off with a ridiculous amount of venture capital funding, offer all services to the public for free, and then start locking some features behind paywalls until eventually the whole product is yet another subscription – and then jack up the price higher.

            They’re gambling that enough people will just sigh and pay the fees that it will offset the losses they technically operate at now.

          5. Ally McBeal*

            Social media is “free” because they take our data. LLMs are currently free because they’re training with the inputs we give them. I predict we’ll start seeing significant paywalls on currently free AI tools before the end of this decade.

          6. Alice*

            I read the terms of service of one free (“free”) AI tool and they are admirably clear that they are providing their “summarize medical journal articles” tool for free to physicians (you have to register with your NPI) so that they can sell info about how exactly individual physicians respond to various advertisements. If I were marketing a drug or a device, I would pay $$$$$$$$ for that info.

    2. WS*

      I was going to say this too! One of my co-workers is also a wedding photographer and has done pretty good photoshopping jobs on various wedding photos for various reasons (the worst being that the groom’s brother went to jail for something really awful and they could no longer look at the photos with him in them).

      1. Angstrom*

        Given the size of the Teams photo, it doesn’t even have to be a great Photoshop job. Photoshop now has a built-in Remove tool to simplify tasks like that. I’d ask around at work for anyone with Photoshop experience and let them try.

    3. MightWork*

      There are subreddits just for photoshop requests, so might be able to find someone there to help too!

    4. iglwif*

      Came here to say this!

      A good photo editor could erase the veil and perhaps also adjust the colour of your dress so it looks like you’re wearing a nice blouse instead of a wedding dress. (I mean, maybe you’re the kind of person who wears white shirts or blouses regularly! I am not, because any white garment I wear seems to magically attract food stains. So I have a couple of white / ivory tops that I wear only for Yom Kippur, because (1) that’s traditional and (2) can’t spill food on your blouse if you’re fasting!!)

      I have no idea what people mean when they say “wedding hair” and “wedding makeup” — I am old enough that when I got married, wedding makeup was whatever makeup you normally wore, if any — but I certainly do understand the value of a professional photographer!!

      1. Observer*

        I am old enough that when I got married, wedding makeup was whatever makeup you normally wore, if any

        Not an age thing, I think. When I got married people definitely did their makeup differently for their weddings than for every day.

        1. iglwif*

          Maybe a budget thing, then? Back in my day, 23yos in their first job out of uni tended to have a budget for food, flowers, and cake OR a thousand-dollar dress, a professional hairdo, and unusual makeup.

          So perhaps it’s that people get married later now and have more money.

          1. Observer*

            Maybe a budget thing. But I certainly did not have the budget for a $1K dress – not close to it. I actually didn’t pay anything for my dress as I borrowed it (which was quite common.)

            My parents paid for the wedding, and spending $1K on a wedding dress was not even something to consider. At All. But hair and makeup? Yup.

            1. iglwif*

              I wore my mom’s wedding dress, which (a) I liked much, much better than anything I was seeing in the wedding magazines or at consignment stores, and (b) I could have for the price of getting it dry-cleaned and the hem taken up, so, about $200. I did look into borrowing a dress, of course, but that depends on the dress’s owner being either exactly your size or willing to let you alter it (at least temporarily), and none of my inquiries ended up working out. I was very fortunate that my mom’s dress fit me so well!

              I did wear makeup for my wedding. It was the same makeup I wore to work in those days, because I was in my early 20s and hadn’t outgrown makeup yet. I did my own makeup and also my own hair. (Not a fancy situation with braids and curls and stuff, just neat and tidy hair.)

              Now that you mention it, I did once get my hair done professionally for someone else’s wedding, a few years later — I was matron of honour, and the bride’s mom (who planned the whole thing) insisted on professional hairdos for the women in the wedding party. It looked 95% the same as when I did it myself for my own wedding, but felt like when you are a young child in a dance production and someone else’s mom puts your hair in a tight bun and sprays half a can of hairspray on it XD

              Anyway, even if it had occurred to me to pay for professional makeup and hair, which it did not, the funds to pay for it would’ve had to come out of something more important, like the catering budget, so.

    5. learnedthehardway*

      I think it would be easier and less expensive to just get a nice picture taken. Doesn’t have to be professional. I did my own and it looks plenty good enough for a website photo.

    6. No Longer Gig-less Data Analyst*

      There is a sub on Reddit called PhotoshopRequest where you can upload you photo and the members will either do it for free (some are trying to polish their skills and see it as a fair exchange for the experience) or for a $5-10 tip via Ko-fi or Venmo. Not sure how OP would feel about uploading her picture to a public forum, but if she doesn’t care it’s a cheap and easy way to get it done.

    7. Forrest Gumption*

      Or just get a free Canva account and use the “erase” tool. It’s surprisingly easy and doesn’t require graphic design skills.

    8. Typity*

      OP1, if you’re a redditor — or willing to briefly become one (and willing to put your face on Reddit) — the r/PhotoshopRequest sub has some members who do amazing work. Requests can be free or paid, and offering a $10 tip will get some great work done.

    9. Sisi*

      Reddit actually has a subreddit where photography editors will do things like this for free or for small tips!

  8. An American(ish) Werewolf in London(ish)*

    I too am a multiple sneezer – I sneeze like a cat (little, tiny ‘tschews’ – usually 7). It’s less relevant at the moment as I’m mostly WFH, but yeah, I have often said, ‘yeah, just wait til I’m finished.’ People do tend to find my tiny cat sneezes amusing, and, in truth, it doesn’t really bother me – I’ve been living with this since I was a child (my 12th grade maths teacher would jokingly get annoyed if I didn’t sneeze exactly 7 times at 10.15 as it would ‘throw out our timing’; my dad said he could always find my mother or me in a crowd by waiting until we sneezed) and it really doesn’t bother me.

    But that’s me – I can see that it could get real old, real fast. I don’t have much useful advice (except for the lighthearted ‘yeah, I’d wait until I were done if I were you’) but fellow multiple sneezer sends her solidarity.

  9. ThePeanutGallery*

    Re: book tours. It’s (now) very rare for publishers to pay for authors to go on tour, although my in-house publicist is always happy to set up bookstore events for me if I pay my own travel expenses. There is an occasional exception but the only authors I know who travel extensively do school visits, which is an entirely different conversation.

    (I say this as someone with six books published by major houses, with three more under contract.)

    Launch week can weirdly anticlimactic. Try to carve out time to sign stock at your local bookstore(s) if they’ve decided to carry your book. And find a way to celebrate with a few close friends or even by yourself. (Sitting down with your book, a cup of coffee, and a pastry, and taking a moment to say “I did it” can be a quiet highlight of your release day.)

    1. londonedit*

      I was going to say the same. I’m in the UK and I don’t work with fiction books, where things might be slightly different, but generally book tours only happen here if the author is a big-name celebrity who can pull in a crowd with or without their book. Book signings can be a minefield – there’s nothing worse than the publicist booking in a signing and then no one turning up – so again that only really happens for big-name authors. We don’t even really do book launches anymore – as you say, we’re happy to help an author to organise one, but they really need to find a location and make the arrangements, and then we can help with things like bringing stock to sell or putting a bit of money behind the bar. We (and the publicity department) spend quite a lot of time managing authors’ expectations about the fact that no, we won’t be hosting a massive launch for their book. Most are then happy to organise their own launch (mainly for friends and family) if they want to.

      In terms of publicity, most things tend to happen online these days. Even something like an interview for a podcast will often be over Zoom or whatever rather than needing the author to go somewhere in person. And of course things like radio appearances are done by phone. It would be very rare for one of our authors to appear on TV – that would be the only thing that probably would require them to be somewhere at a specific time.

      This is not to dampen the OP’s enthusiasm – just to say that these days book publicity can fairly easily be slotted in around other commitments like work.

      1. Magda*

        Also, as the income has been winnowed away, MOST authors at this point have day jobs so OP won’t be at all out of the norm to say they have to work around their existing schedule or can’t do midweek or midday events. We’re all in the same boat, it’s very normal.

        1. iglwif*

          Yep. It generally takes a certain number of books that consistently sell at a certain level to give you the income you need in order to not have a day job.

          Writing income is notoriously spotty and irregular, and book sales are notoriously unpredictable, and royalty math is notoriously complicated.

        1. londonedit*

          Well, not really. If an author wants their own party, they can have their own party, and the publisher will help out. If an author has a local bookshop that will host an event, again, the author can organise that and the publisher will help out (by creating marketing assets or offering a little bit of money for drinks, or whatever). But publishers simply don’t have the money or the resources to give every author a launch party (which, realistically, won’t have much of an impact on sales), and there simply isn’t the demand for run-of-the-mill authors to do in-person ‘book tours’. Maybe if you write about a niche subject that has clubs or organisations related to that subject, you could organise something, but 99% of authors aren’t going to get members of the general public to come and listen to them talking about their book. You’ve either got to be a celebrity already, or you’ve got to have a book that’s so successful that you become famous as an author.

          1. ThePeanutGallery*

            My in-house publicists have never put money behind the bar (clearly, I need to sell rights to a UK publisher!)

    2. Anon This Time*

      Totally agree about launch week feeling like a downer! Most of my writer friends have developed some little tradition–a special dinner out, having friends over for cake, buying themselves a present (I have my eye on a new work tote…). I highly recommend planning something celebratory to new authors.

    3. iglwif*

      I haven’t published a book in nearly a decade, but this was my experience back then as well. My “book tour” was a “blog tour” where I did “interviews” via email (honestly I prefer that! it gives you time to consider your responses and decline to answer questions that are weird or inappropriate), wrote a few guest blog posts, and at one point did a real-time Q&A in the comments section of someone’s blog and an AMA on Twitter (z”l).

      My first book got a big launch party! … because my friends and family thought I deserved one and helped me pay for it, and I already knew the folks at my local genre bookshop and it was very easy to email them and go, “I’m having a launch party in the party room at X library on Y date, can you come and sell some books?”

      Maybe OP’s book is so unusual and fantastic that they really will get to do a whole book tour! My fingers are crossed for them and their book to be hugely successful and earn out that advance.

  10. Ellis Bell*

    I feel like the answer to 3, depends a lot on what the reduced workflow output looks like on one of the days someone is off. I feel like “less gets done than usual” is obviously fine, and “nothing at all gets done” or “it’s unsafe when we don’t have the whole team” are obvious no-nos. OP’s situation seems to fall somewhere in the middle but I can’t tell which end of the spectrum. OP cites “friction and delays and impacts the work of the whole place” but is that friction because of magical thinking and setting them the exact same deadlines as when they’re full power, or is it because their work is just close to impossible when they’re not full power?

    1. Lexi Vipond*

      Yes – a football team needs 11 players even if some other players are injured, some kind of production line might need six positions filled to work at all – it depends a lot on the team.

      And even without that, if there really is exactly 6 person-worths of work to be done (is there a real word for that unit?), then 6 people to do it doesn’t seem enough – even if each person gets 3 or 4 weeks of leave a year that’s nearly half the year without 6 people to do 6 people’s work, if they get 7 weeks it’s getting on for all the year.

      Of courses, there may be actually be 5.5 person-worths of work for the 5.5 people actually available, work doesn’t necessarily divide neatly into person-sized chunks, but it doesn’t sound like it from the OP’s description.

      1. AcademiaNut*

        That’s what occurred to me. With 6 people, and even fairly modest sick leave and vacation policies, plus training courses, being ‘understaffed’ is significant part of the year, and should be treated as normal operations. So they either need another staff member, or they need to readjust expectations so they aren’t spending half the year running behind schedule.

      2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

        FTE (full-time equivalent) is the terminology I usually see for what you’re calling “person-worths”.

      3. metadata minion*

        (is there a real word for that unit?)

        __

        Depending on what exactly you’re doing with the unit, the term you’re looking for might be “FTE”s — full-time equivalents. So a team with four FTEs might be four full-time employees, or three full-time and two half-time, or some other variation that works out to 4 times [whatever full-time hours are in your workplace] hours of work being done per week.

      4. Dust Bunny*

        thank you, I’ve been trying to figure out how to phrase this.

        If the amount of work to be done is a full six peoples-worth, then you’re bordering on understaffed. If it’s more like 5.5 people and six people can do it comfortably, so being down a person sometimes doesn’t max everyone out, you’re OK.

        My current job has five peoples worth of work but a lot of it isn’t urgent so if someone, or two someones, are out for awhile it’s not a crisis. My previous jobs couldn’t be down a person without creating too much for everyone else to handle, so they were actually kind of understaffed.

      5. fhqwhgads*

        Yeah my first thought was, if everyone on the 6 person team has 4 weeks PTO (say that’s a mix of vacation and sick), then that’s 24 weeks of down a person. So, not accounting for any day when 2 people might be out at the same time, to have coverage, they need 6.5 people. Which is why Alison’s suggestion of a person who is a backup for this and does other work too makes a ton of sense. But if it is a “5 people means this team cannot do anything at all today” situation, then clearly having exactly 6 people is probably a dumb decision on management’s part, unless the cost of those non-functional days is already baked into the budget.

    2. Magda*

      Agree. When my grandfather needed around-the-clock care, that was I think either 3 or 4 staff people for one spot. If you can’t move the furniture without six people, I’d say the team must have a staff or seven. If it’s just a bit harder/slower I agree more with the advice given. The tough part is if you can move it, but just not safely … that’s hard to push back on in our society.

    3. Transit Worker*

      It also depends on team size, and I think OP’s team of six may be kind of borderline, or maybe the work is slowed but not halted by one person being out. With larger teams or roles where exact numbers of people matter, it’s very much the norm to plan for vacation coverage in calculating staffing levels.

      I work in public transit, and we have hundreds of bus drivers assigned each day. All transit agencies maintain staffing pools to fill in when the regular operator for a shift is out, either planned or unexpectedly. The number of people per bus garage and shift is a matter of some analysis and level of risk tolerance versus budget.

      Airlines don’t cancel flights when pilots go on vacation, they have complex systems for making sure they have the right people in the right spots. Same with any number of medical, emergency response, customer-facing services, security, etc. positions. That’s not to say that these roles never have staffing gaps or run into issues, but you absolutely do not plan to have a role that requires X people on duty every shift staffed by only X full-time employees.

      1. transit worker too*

        i work in transit as well and i agree–the nature and conditions of the work really affect how much spare staff is called for/budgeted. no one can operate two buses at once no matter how hard you push them, and a bus that shows up four hours late may as well not have existed.

        my company is on the extreme end of redundancy for a number of reasons (very small company, strong self-selection among operators against taking OT voluntarily, union and federal law both limit how much OT can be forced, and missing one operator really disrupts fallback train operations, even more than buses). today we had 20 operators on the roster against 12 full-day shifts.

        (the 8 extra: 1 long term illness, 1 paternity leave, 2 in annual training, 1 excused day off, 1 loaned to another base, 2 standby operators)

    4. Aggretsuko*

      Everywhere these days is short staffed. EVERYONE. EVERYWHERE. They hire the absolute bare minimum and then are perpetually short staffed if people get sick or retire or get another job or whatever. My old work unit was supposed to have a bare minimum of six people and we probably had six people for maybe a few weeks to a month or two before someone got another job, all the time.

      1. EvilQueenRegina*

        Or if you’re my ex boss, refuse to fill vacancies because you’re convinced layoffs are on the way and you want to be able to cut a vacant post rather than lose a person. (Spoiler alert: the layoffs never happened, and funnily enough were never mentioned again after that boss left and her replacement took over.) We were also supposed to be six people; at one point we were two and a half FTE with her still trying to skimp on staffing. (Again, constant turnover less of an issue once that boss was gone. She was a bit of a “Dolores from the update posted today”.)

    5. Elbe*

      Agreed. This was my read on it, too.

      If it’s just delays due to a lack of efficiency, that’s usually fine for a day when someone is out. But if the team is responsible for physically moving items, it’s very easy to imagine a scenario when it just would not be possible or safe to be short staffed. Are “delays” caused by everything grinding to a halt because five people can’t safely to the job? are the remaining members being pressured into doing potentially unsafe things in order to meet the deadline?

      If the issue is more about efficiency, the solution would likely be to just pad in some time to the work estimates to account for staff PTO. If understaffing creates a dangerous environment, the LW should flag that to management and then start looking for a new job if nothing changes.

  11. Apollo Warbucks*

    OP1

    You could get the photo edited, there are a few photoshop subs on Reddit that will take requests for a small tip you could have the veil removed and photo cropped to make it less obviously from you wedding

  12. Viette*

    LW1 photos for the work avatar question – I think you should let go of trying to look “really good” in your work avatar. (This is different than a headshot for marketing purposes.)

    For your own sake, you need to look good enough in your work avatar photo that you can stand to look at it often. For everyone else’s sake, you need to look recognizable.

    It’s just not the place for a full on glamor moment. You don’t need to be a babe or a stud in your work avatar photo. If you look too done up, it even fails at being recognizable. In fact, too much of a glamor shot and I think it can actually come across as unprofessional because it seems to miss the point of looking recognizable in favor of looking attractive.

    1. WoodswomanWrites*

      I agree on this one. LW1, I remember a couple of times seeing photos of people on LinkedIn and even their own websites that weren’t images that aligned with a professional purpose. Not saying this is you, but your post is reminding me of one that looked more like a dating profile. I once saw a photo of a guy on his professional website who had this suggestive look and posture and when I showed it to a couple colleagues who work in marketing, they were appalled.

      1. Frieda*

        Someone I used to work with (a couple steps above me) had used a filter on her professional headshot on our website and she looked like a Barbie doll. You know: doll eyes disproportionately large for her face, smooth plastic-looking skin, perfect pink lipstick.

        Her self-presentation was in the same neighborhood – lots of pink print dresses and pink heels. She was in her 50s and hey, I admire people sticking with the look they like even if it isn’t my preferred look. But she seemed maybe stuck in a place where she was a young go-getter and the photo editing to try to reiterate that was very disconcerting.

        1. KateM*

          Well, at least she looked at her headshot like she looked in her real life? “So people can put a face to the name” won’t happen if your photo looks much different from what you are in real life. I remember how I after working only remote I went to an in-person event and sneaked around trying to gauge if this or other person could possibly by my colleague – didn’t make it very easy to join the group.

    2. bamcheeks*

      It doesn’t have to be “full-on glamour”, though– professional make-up doesn’t necessarily mean heavy make-up. And the really big difference is having a photo taken by someone who has a good professional camera and knows how to use it. I can see which of my colleagues have professional photos as their Teams avatars because they survive much better being shrunk down to 30×30 pixels!

      I don’t think I would use a photo with a veil but I did use my CP photos for work things because they were much brighter and clearer than any others I had. And my standard Teams and LinkedIn photo (now eight years old and due for replacing, sigh) is a headshot taken by a colleague who is a wedding photographer on his weekends. In both of those I’m wearing basic make-up I did myself, but the quality of the picture is light-years ahead of pretty much any other photograph I have.

      1. Aww, coffee, no*

        Yes, there’s a *huge* benefit to a photo taken by a professional.
        I was lucky enough to be part of a team that were interviewed about our contributions to a project, and the interview included a professional photographer taking shots of us all. I was at work so it’s clearly a work-appropriate photo; I’m wearing an outfit I often wear to work, and did my own everyday light make-up.
        It’s recognisably me – and work-me at that – but it is also a *really* nice shot of me and I’m seriously not looking forward to the point when I have to change it because it looks too young compared to me-now.
        LW1, if you do want a nice photo for work and can afford it then maybe look for professional photographers in your area who can take one of you in your ‘work-persona’.

        1. Marion Ravenwood*

          I work in internal communications and have organised a couple of staff photoshoots to get candids of people going about their jobs, so we can use them in things like staff newsletters or on the intranet. As part of those, we’d offer people who took part a couple of headshots they could use for their email avatar, LinkedIn etc – things like sitting at their computer but looking at the camera, or just posing against a neutral background. It may be worth LW1 checking in with their organisation’s comms team to see if they have anything like that coming up that they could take part, or if it’s something they could organise as an add-on to any photography they might be getting done internally.

      2. Ellis Bell*

        Yeah it’s really common in my city for people to get hair and makeup done professionally for much more frequent occasions, but even they could be in OP’s position because a) The professional photography element is a rarer and more important aspect and b) bridal makeup is much more likely to be recognisable and natural than the full on glamour you might employ for an evening event. Lots of wedding events happen in the daytime, and very few people want to say their vows to a stranger!

    3. amoeba*

      I’d say it also depends on the company culture – most people here use snapshots, basically nobody in my department has any kind of professional headshot as their Teams avatar. So even a more professional version would probably stand out more (although not in a horrible way or anything) than just taking the head bit from a nice pic from your last holiday.

      1. KateM*

        If it is very much out of sync with company culture, it may make one stand out as someone who can’t read the room.

      2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

        Yeah, same here. Most people either use the headshot from their badge or a cropped snapshot or selfie. A professional headshot of any sort would stand out (and not in a “wow, they really went above and beyond” way, more of a “that’s an odd choice” way.)

      3. londonedit*

        Same where I work – we’re not a formal company or industry in general (the usual standard of dress in publishing is on the casual side of business casual) so it would look a bit odd if someone had an obviously professionally done corporate headshot. Mine is cropped from a snapshot of me at the beach, so I’m wearing sunglasses and my hair is being blown about a bit – that’s the sort of thing most people have. Or a photo of their cat.

      4. Magda*

        I admit, in my workplace the website snaps are more casual, but one person has full makeup and I suspect photoshopping – and I’m sure she thinks she looks nice, “me on my best day” etc. But to the rest of us it comes across as a bit precious, and something about the photo also makes her look like she’s going for “appealing romantic prospect” rather than “our wonderful IT support person.”

      5. MsSolo (UK)*

        I’m in a webinar atm, so most people’s cameras are off and avatars are showing, and of 40 attendees I can see at least one (male) wedding photo, six probable holiday snaps, three professional headshots, five with no image, and one AI generated avatar. The rest are selfies or “got a colleagues to take a quick photo” (and if the people on the call I actually work with are anything to go by, all 5-10 years out of date). The AI avatar looks more out of place than the wedding photo, but they’re all much of a muchness.

      6. Spencer Hastings*

        My company culture is not to use avatars at all — I’m very glad not to have to worry about this stuff and just be a little blue circle that says “SH” on Teams.

    4. Big BaDaBoom*

      Yeah. I know it’s judgy but there have been a couple of people at my work who use clearly wedding pictures for their Teams avatars. And it comes across to me as weird. Like this person is either very vain or so technologically inept they can’t take and upload a new picture. To me it just feels like the person’s online image should look generally like the person would if we were working in an office together.

      I don’t even know why I feel strongly about it haha

    5. Cat Tree*

      I was about to make the same comment. I work at a huge company where I often first work with people virtually, and then meet in person later for specific projects. Sometimes people look nothing like their photos and it makes it hard to find them.

    6. el l*

      Like other photos in life (passport is another great example), it’s a particular photo for a particular purpose, and there is a “good enough” standard.

      Should you look good? Yes. Reasonably attractive and above all competent.
      Should you look your best ever? Really not necessary, and frankly, I’d keep it more for family and friends than show it on the initial-introduction Zoom call with the sales guy.

      1. Sunflower*

        I once had a driver’s license picture that was amazing and I didn’t even put on makeup. Better than I think I actually look and wanted to show the world. I was so disappointed when I had to renew. LOL

        But yeah, I wouldn’t like my headshot for work to stand out. I’ve seen nice smiling photos, candid shots (for example, people with their garden or a vacation landmark in the background, etc.), but I think a glam wedding photo with veil is too distracting.

  13. Agent Diane*

    OP3 is there any flex for the team to set different expectations to allow for someone being out? So if you’re currently committed to doing the task within 2 working days, can it be expanded to 3 working days?

    Then when the team is fully staffed, you’re all under promising and over delivering. And when someone is out, you have the extra day to still meet service delivery commitments.

    If that isn’t possible, talk to your manager about what to do with anyone who is complaining to you. If someone hears “we’ll get to that on Tuesday” and starts complaining, can you transfer them to your manager? Then the pains in the a*** become your manager’s problem and they might start to consider having the extra cover or resetting service level expectations.

  14. JM60*

    #2 Personally, I’d like the whole “bless you” thing to go. Whenever I sneeze, I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything if someone didn’t say it, and I don’t feel like it has any point whenever someone does say it. If someone says it repeatedly after repeated sneezes (like in this post) I find it annoying.

    I don’t get what the benefit of saying it is to either person.

    I think this is one of those cases where people do it solely because they’ve been trained that it’s rude not to say, but there’s no underlying reason why it’s rude other than people have always considered it rude to not say.

    1. amoeba*

      In Germany, they (being the “Knigge”, which is basically… *the* “official” manners guide here) tried to make that a thing a few years back – they said instead it would be best to just politely ignore it.

      They have since changed that again because there was a *huge* backlash. I believe they still recommend foregoing the “bless you” in large groups though because it creates to much of a disturbance – so LW’s situation might be covered, haha!

    2. Oniya*

      I’ve heard two possible origins for the ‘bless you’. One is that sneezing was an early symptom of the plague. The other, more fanciful, is that people believed that the soul left the body(!) when someone sneezed. In either case, Divine Intervention was being sought to keep the sneezer safe.

      This is the reason that I use ‘gesundheit’ (literally ‘healthiness’) – it’s a non-religious wish for the sneezer to feel better.

    3. Sneaky Squirrel*

      I’ll say “bless you” to people because it’s the expected polite thing to do but I’d be okay with it going. I don’t feel like I need people to acknowledge me every time I sneeze and I personally don’t like the religious connotation that comes with it.

    4. JMC*

      Me too. I also feel it comes from “god bless you” which I do NOT want said to me ever. That is pushing your religion onto me. Nope.

    5. Spencer Hastings*

      Yeah, I honestly just find it embarrassing when people say it to me, so I tend not to say it to other people either!

    6. Silver Robin*

      Gut reaction with minimal analysis:

      I like it because it feels weird not to acknowledge it. Sneezes are a sign of discomfort, potentially illness, that is involuntary and socially considered a reason for sympathy (unlike burps or farts, which are in a similar category). It also feels like a shortcut for saying “hope you feel better soon” or “hope this causes minimal discomfort to you” or some other form of sympathy. One-on-one it feels much weirder not to say anything. Though I do not always say “bless you”; I might go for “oof, are you feeling okay?” if the person seems particularly bedraggled, or something, but I generally say *something*.

      As the group gets bigger…it can go either way; they can become part of the background noise unless they are particularly noticeable.

      But again, this is a minimally examined habit of mine so none of these opinions should be considered particularly strong

      1. Roland*

        I feel similarly. It’s so nice to have one small social situation where we still have a script to follow to express “I noticed and I care” without having to think of what to say.

      2. JM60*

        Sneezes are a sign of discomfort, potentially illness, that is involuntary and socially considered a reason for sympathy (unlike burps or farts, which are in a similar category).

        I don’t see how sneezes are much different from burps and farts in this regard. They’re just as mundane as each other, and about as much a sign of discomfort and potentially illness as each other.

        Moreover, as the sneezer, someone barking “bless you/gesundheit” has never made me felt cared about. At most, I think the other person does it because they think it’s the polite thing to do (even though I’d rather them not do it). I don’t want or need my mundane discomfort of sneezing to be announced/acknowledge.

        I suspect that the real reason you feel weird not to acknowledge a sneeze is because it’s the culturally expected thing to do. I suspect that you wouldn’t feel weird not acknowledging it if you lived your whole life in a culture where acknowledging it was not the norm (which I believe is the case in many countries in Asia).

    7. Throwaway Account*

      My grandma taught me that saying “bless you” was catholic superstition (she was very anti-catholic!) bc it was intended to say that god blessed you by keeping you alive after your heart stopped when you sneezed and we all know the heart does not stop!

      Consequently, I don’t ever say “bless you” – it just is not in me as a tradition. But I realize, people cannot help saying it, it is so ingrained to say it. Years ago, people looked at me strangely when I did not say it, but now no one even notices.

  15. AnonFed*

    As a fed, people have been sharing personal phone numbers around the office like crazy. Just ask, everyone will understand.

    1. Anon for this one*

      Yeah. Or they’re connecting on Signal, while not connected to the wifi. (Not a fed, but my spouse and a large fraction of local friends and neighbors are). I hear you on the health insurance thing – given my own medical issues my spouse is basically paid in health insurance these days, with the salary a nice extra benefit. (I exaggerate, but not by much.)

      1. MsM*

        Came here to make sure someone recommended Signal. My former tech policy colleagues basically refuse to use anything else.

          1. Observer*

            Signal has the advantage that it collests a *lot* less Metadata. (ie who you and your contacts are).

            1. Silver Robin*

              Signal is also not owned by Meta, so they are less likely to be pressured by whatever Zuckerberg and his stakeholders want

        2. Jules the 3rd*

          My highly-security conscious computer professional spouse has Signal for texting and a VPN for internet use. Throw Signal a dollar or two if you do use them!

          1. I Have RBF*

            I’ve had Signal since well before they stopped doing regular SMS. At least a decade. A late friend of mine used to chat on it regularly. Nothing nefarious, just the principal of privacy.

    2. JMC*

      I just want to say to you and any other fed workers, I am so sorry y’all are going through this. I’m appalled at all that is happening due to the current administration. He has no clue what he’s doing.

      1. Tired Fed*

        Unfortunately, I think he does know what he’s doing. He knows the congressional environment he has (in his favor), he knows how slow the Judicial Branch is (painfully slow), and he knows he has enough support from ordinary citizens to wipe out any form of resistance (See articles referencing finance people beingnmarched out by Marshals when Musk took over.)

        Does he know the ins and outs of the United States Code? No, but he doesn’t need to, because he knows he has enough people on his side to ignore it and enforce his will.

        1. JMC*

          Yeah I know about that plan but as a person he has no idea how government actually works. Elon is the dangerous one, and he has been given free will illegally, which everyone seems to be ignoring.

  16. r..*

    LW1,

    in general internal chat avatars are to facilitate internal communication, not for marketing purposes. I get that you want to look good in it, and that’s entirely normal, but my suggestion would be to choose one that 1) is something you are content to look at, and 2) is appropriate for your work culture, and 3) helps people remember you.

    What this means will depend a lot on how your internal communication works, and it may also be something you can be creative with.

    For example I run an engineering org across three different countries, and my avatar is … a somewhat cheeky looking mountain goat. The thing is that compared to the rest of the industry in I tend to have very above-average standards on a number of things; the goat and the story that goes with it serves to take the edge off of that, and helps to convince people that despite of me sometimes being very demanding I can take a joke and laugh about myself.

    1. iglwif*

      At my (fully distributed, small, not-for-profit) employer, chat avatars run the gamut from professional (not wedding) headshots to fun snapshots to one person whose avatar is their dog. It is extremely chill.

      My avatar is a selfie I took in early COVID on a day when my hair unexpectedly looked cute, with the random bits of my apartment in the background erased in favour of a neutral background via Canva. My hair looks cute so rarely that I felt I had to seize the moment!

      1. Aerin*

        Yeah, we definitely have people whose avatar is a pet picture or similar. As long as you have some kind of image that people can associate with you, it serves roughly the same purpose.

        Funnily enough, my avatar on most sites (including here!) is a wedding photo. My work chat avatar is a vacation selfie that turned out really good. (Spouse has adopted a different selfie from that same trip as his avatar. My phone camera really delivered that week!)

    2. JMC*

      Two jobs ago, I had my headshot done by the company by a photographer at work (they made everyone do it) and the next one it was taken by a security guard under horrible lighting who had no idea what they were doing, and now I took my own photo at my desk and it’s the best one. You be you.

    3. I Have RBF*

      At the risk of outing myself, my usual avatar is a pom pom with eyes in my favorite color. Other people in my division at work have science fiction themed avatars – my boss is Yoda, for example.

  17. Shirley B*

    Respectfully disagree on number 3! If you have a team that needs six pairs of boots on the ground at all times, you can’t consider yourself fully staffed with six people. Taking into account the collective amount of annual leave and sick days, plus a small contingency margin, you should have a staff of seven.

    1. Colette*

      If everyone takes 3 weeks off a year for vacation/sick time, that’s 18 weeks a year, which is considerably less than 52 weeks. If they each take 4 weeks off a year, that’s 24 weeks – still less than half the year. Which means that if you have 7 people instead, that’s 28 weeks, which means that 24 weeks of the year, you have one person sitting around doing nothing.

      Depending on the job/industry/location, it may be possible to hire someone part time, or get a temp in. But it’s really common to just accept that you won’t get as much done when someone is out.

      1. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

        The 7th person would also get their PTO/STD/sick time/etc, so it’d 21/31 and 28/24 weeks, respectively.

        No. 7 might also enable a few “nice to have” projects, process improvements, etc, or even just a rotation out of a stressful part of the job to improve retention and/or performance the rest of the year.

        1. Colette*

          Maybe, if that’s the kind of job. But some jobs don’t have a lot of “nice to do” stuff.

          If the job is home health care, you may need six people enough to pay for the 7th. But if it’s shipping and receiving, you might not; packages will take longer to get where they’re going and that might be OK.

    2. Allonge*

      Sure, but ‘there is work for six people’ is not the same thing as ‘(most) work cannot proceed unless six people are present at the same time’, and that makes a difference.

  18. Frosty*

    #3 I think this depends on several factors: how important it is to the employer to always achieve the output of 6 people, and on the amount of PTO and scheduling.
    In general, my opinion is that if the boss strictly insists on the output of 6 people everyday, they have to make sure you are staffed with 6 people every day, with overstaffing, temps, jumping in themselves, whatever.

    But let’s look at the math of a 6-person department: This year has 234 working days in my location (i.e. days that aren’t on a weekend or a statutory holiday). If everyone has 30 days PTO, that means on 180 of those days you are short-staffed. That’s 77%, just for the minimum absences! We don’t yet have any sick days or training days! In that case I would say: if this department needs the work of 6 people every day, it actually needs 7 employees to be fully staffed.

    1. bamcheeks*

      Yeah, this is the maths you should be doing, LW, based on whatever your specific working patterns and PTO allowance is, and then look at typical sickness patterns over 1-2 years. What you cannot do is assume that “six people employed full-time” means “six people every working day of the year” — it is usually much closer to 5.4 people when averaged out across the year. Whether that’s enough depends on the type of work you do, and whether that 6 people is just the optimum number to get the job done or a non-negotiable safe minimum. If you are doing business-critical work which requires 6 people working all or the majority of the time, you do the maths in the opposite direction and then tell your managers that you should be employing 6.8FTE or whatever.

      (Incidentally, this is one of the reasons why care-work looks so incredibly expensive as soon as you start to treat it like a real job! One parent looking after any number of their own children can work an 18+ hour day without a break. As soon as you want to staff a daycare that takes children from 7am-7pm, you pretty much need a minimum of 2 full-time staff to every 3 children simply to make sure everyone gets a 8 hour day, lunch and toilet breaks. And with children under 5 you don’t get much economy of scale whether it’s 3 children or 30.)

    2. Abigail*

      I think it depends on what operations look like with 4 or 5 people.

      If things run at maximum efficiency with 6 but are doable with 4 or 5, then 6 full time employees make sense. If somebody needs extended leave that is when you hire a temp.

      I think sometimes people in this comments section assume margins in operating budgets are much bigger than they are.

      1. bamcheeks*

        I think nearly every commenter who has commented on this letter has made a distinction between “things take longer with <6 staff but that's OK" and "things are unsafe / illegal / non-compliant with <6"?

    3. Box of Rain*

      Seconding bamcheeks with “this is the math you should be doing.” Numbers are difficult to ignore, which is why data is king even in industries or teams you wouldn’t automatically connect with math. Speaking as an English teacher who was the data nerd of our 30+ teacher Language Arts department, data is how change happens.

    4. guy-*

      You’re assuming that all six people take their days off separately. If you want to calculate the probability of all six people working on any given day, it’s:
      ( (234-30) / 234) ^6 = 43.90%
      234 * 0.4390 = 102 days of the 234 will be fully staffed

      If they were to add a 7th person:
      choosing one person to be off out of 7 * probability that six people are working * probability that one person is off + probability that all seven people are working
      7 * (204/234)^6 * (30/234) + (204/234)^7 = 77.67%
      234 * 0.7767 = 182 days of the 234 will be staffed by at least 6 out of 7 people.

      1. Emmy Noether*

        Except that PTO is NOT randomly distributed. You can make a rule for vacation days that only one person can be out. Sick days are more random (they tend to cluster a bit because of seasonal effects and contagion).

        Also, in your random model, there will be 6.5 days where only 3 of 6 workers are there, and 1.5 with only 2, which seems very understaffed.

      2. Silver Robin*

        Thank you for mentioning this; was thinking about how there are absolutely more popular days off (major holidays, for example) so the probabilities skew the number of fully staffed days higher than if there were no overlap.

    5. Jules the 3rd*

      30 days PTO? Not in the US, 15 would be generous. My guess is they could get by if they could hire a full-time temp for either busy times or high-vacation times.

      1. Yes And*

        I thought of this too, but given that OP refers to people being “on holiday” rather than “on vacation,” I’m assuming they’re not in the US.

  19. 2cents*

    2) There was a time when I’d had terrible sneezing fits (to this day I think they were stress/emotional related because they went away after some time), and a dear colleague, upon witnessing it for the first time, naively said “bless you” after the first one. As it went on, he waved it off and said “you know, I’ll just wait until you’re done” – and so he did, every time from that day on!

  20. AlsoSneezy*

    I am another frequent multiple sneezer. Years ago at my job, I used to get so many “bless you”s, even texts and IMs from people too far away to yell it out, but who recognized my sneeze pattern from down the hall. Or people who would say one “bless you” for each of my nine-in-a-row sneezes.

    I went on a crusade for a few weeks replying to every person “one per day is plenty! I’m sure it covers me all day once I get one bless you.”

    Eventually it slowed down and stopped altogether. If a new person starts at work I just let them know my “policy” of one per day and they get over the amusement of my sneezes pretty quickly.

    1. Constance Lloyd*

      I have an aunt who says, “Bless you” after the first sneeze, then, “Bless you for the rest of the day” if you sneeze a second time. It strikes a nice balance between performing an often expected social nicety while not letting said nicety become too much of a nuisance.

  21. Rebekah*

    OP#1 Get the photo edited to remove the veil/anything that screams wedding. There are places online (Reddit comes to mind) where people will edit a photo like that for $5-10.

  22. Apex Mountain*

    If the avatar is just used for internal stuff like slack or whatever, I don’t think it matters if it’s your wedding photo. I certainly wouldn’t care. Though a veil is a little unique for sure. But seems like if you want to, why not?

  23. Anon for this*

    Letter 3 – Staffing levels are so tricky. There are two in my dept. I’m the manager and one other person. I’ve been there four years and get two weeks vacation. My direct report has been there 10 years and get four weeks vacation. There were three people in the dept before, but third person quit way before I started and was never replaced.

    He takes two one-week vacations and then random days for the rest of it. Two years ago he wanted to take more than a month of long weekends so use up the rest of his time. I said no and the executive we report to backed me up. It would have been too much of a burden on me, especially since those long weekends partially fell during our busy time. To add to it, if you’re gone, all work possible must be done ahead so it’s much less of a burden on the other in the office.

    Our busy times are seasonal. For what we do, getting temps is not possible since what we do is very specialized and quite complicated. The executives’ response to all this is to just send more stuff to our overseas office but what happens is we often end up dealing with many problems after overseas does something and having to fix.

  24. HailRobonia*

    #2: My in-laws get offended if you sneeze and they say “bless you” and you don’t say “thank you” in response.

    I swear I nearly lose my contact lenses from eye-rolling at this.

  25. Bill and Heather's Excellent Adventure*

    LW1, you don’t want potential employers immediately knowing you’re married. No, people shouldn’t discriminate against married women; yes, it’s illegal; sadly, it still happens. Don’t give them that info.

  26. Anon This Time*

    LW4–Just some perspective from almost ten years in and five books out: It’s not very likely they would be scheduling an entire tour (I’m sorry to be pessimistic here!) unless you’re a lead title. You don’t mention your pub date, but unless you’re really late in the year, you would have a sense of a marketing plan and what events might be required of you by now. (Point of reference–my next book is out in June and we’re discussing a couple local events now. No tour for little midlist me, alas!)

    If you haven’t been told you’re a lead title with updates on how they’re hyping your book and at least one call or series of emails to discuss marketing…you’re probably not a lead title (no one ever tells you where you land on the pecking order unless you’re at the top, FWIW). If you’re not a lead title, it’s a lot more likely that they would be looking at one book launch event local to you if anything at all. If you haven’t had a conversation about marketing yet, talk to your agent about whether this is something that you should expect–or if your agent can ask for a marketing call. (And if they aren’t planning anything for you, I’ve known plenty of authors who planned their own launch event/readings with a local bookstore, so DIY if this is something you want!)

    Now–if I’m fortunately wrong here and you ARE a lead title or some publisher is really treating their midlist and debuts better than a lot of others, rest assured that they will most likely work with YOUR schedule. If there is any conflict over this, that’s what agents are for! Ask for your events to be planned adjacent to weekends and to prioritize closer locations if work will be an issue, and then use PTO (you should have some accrued by then) like a normal human would for any travel or days off for events :D For future reference, ask for this to be negotiated into your contract. (I have a clause in mine that all promotion work is subject to my schedule–honestly, shame on your agent for not catching that if so!) Asynchronous stuff like filling out interviews and recording podcasts should be on your own time anyway–evenings and weekends. (I co-hosted a podcast for years and we always recorded off-hours for our guests.)

    When it comes to extra stuff like going to conferences or conventions to promote your book (this stuff sometimes shows up on author’s personal “book tour” posts on socials), that’s typically 100% on you, so you’d decide if you wanted to “send yourself” and use PTO. If it’s not feasible your first year in this job, it’s not feasible. That kind of stuff is fun and nice but it doesn’t move the needle much on sales, so it’s debatable if it’s a great career investment beyond networking.

    Sorry for writing a book (heh) but I feel like a lot of debuts get kind of thrown in the deep end! If you haven’t found some mentors and peers in the community (especially who are writing the same kind of stuff you are, at different stages in their publishing careers), seek them out!

  27. MBK*

    My aunt used to have an escalating series of four responses in Yiddish whenever someone sneezed multiple times. If I’m remembering correctly – and with some help from the Internet – they were “gesund” (health), “tzu leben” (to life), “tzu lange yorn” (to long years), and “Gey in dr’erd, du host a kalt” (go to hell, you have a cold).

    She found it hilarious, and she had a laugh that made it hard to disagree.

    2. iglwif*

      lmaooooooooo

      For those wondering, “Gey in dr’erd” literally means “go in the earth” or “go underground”, as in the equally picturesque expression “legn in dr’erd bakn beygl” (lying in the ground baking bagels”), meaning “dead.”

    3. Observer*

      “Gey in dr’erd, du host a kalt” (go to hell, you have a cold).

      If your aunt actually spoek Yiddish, rather than just using those phrases, she would have been saying “Du Bist varkilt” (you are sick with a cold).

      1. MBK*

        My aunt was raised by her Yiddish speaking immigrant parents who spoke English as much as possible because they were very “we’re in America now; we will speak English” kind of people. So she never really spoke Yiddish as a native language, but as someone who was exposed to a lot of it in her early years and then forgot most of it.

        Also, I couldn’t remember the specific words she used, which is why I sought help from Google (as I noted in the comment you replied to). So it’s quite possible she said it your way, or some other way altogether. I just remembered the English translations she gave me.

    4. HailRobonia*

      Once again showing how Yiddish can be not only humorous but wise at the same time!

      I love checking out Wikipedia’s entry on “Response to sneezing” (keeping in mind that many cultures don’t have any particular response… the same way many cultures don’t have a set remark when someone burps, farts, hiccups, yawns….)

    6. metadata minion*

      Oh, that’s awesome — I know several versions of these, but I haven’t’ heard the “gey in dr’erd” one before!

  28. Oniya*

    My kid is a ‘serial sneezer’. Almost never less than three. I’ve learned to wait for number three before the ‘gesundheit’. If it’s more than three, I sometimes ask ‘Are you done?’ (this is an ongoing joke, not a criticism. No one can help how many times they sneeze!)

  29. Jupitergal*

    LW2: I had to giggle at your letter.

    I work remotely now, but when I was in an office, my co-workers learned not to say “Bless you!” until I had sneezed twice. I almost always sneeze twice!

    If I ever sneezed only once or more than twice, there was a running joke that it was a sign of good luck.

    1. iglwif*

      Everyone in my family almost always sneezes twice, except for my offspring, who usually sneezes three times. We have learned to hold off on the “gesundheit” until after the second sneeze!

  31. desk platypus*

    After working with a few chronic sneezers I just stopped saying “bless you” at work altogether even if just the one sneeze. I personally hate hearing it because I myself unfortunately sneeze very loud and trying to quiet it down just makes a weirder sound. I think I accidentally offended my cubicle neighbor with this because I’d be the only one in the cube farm to not say “bless you” but hopefully she’s picked up on my blanket ban.

  32. WantonSeedStitch*

    I am a multiple-sneezer. I usually sneeze three times in a row when I sneeze, even if it’s just a tickle/dust/sun. When I’m actually sick, I’ve hit the teens. When I was in the office regularly, I used to have a manager who sat on the other side of a cubicle divide from me, and she figured out my pattern. She declared she wouldn’t say “bless you” to me until I’d sneezed three times, and when I was super-sneezy, she’d just say, “here’s your ‘bless you’ for the rest of the day!” I appreciated that, especially since she said it in a way that made it clear she saw the humor in the situation rather than being annoyed by the sneezing.

  33. Whatever*

    LW 1 – I absolutely have a wedding photo as my LinkedIn profile haha. It’s before I had my veil on and is strategically cropped so my getting ready robe looks like a business blouse. I did get multiple people to confirm it looked legitimate before using it in case I was biased!

    1. LunaLena*

      Same here – though to be fair it doesn’t look like a wedding photo. I didn’t have a veil at all and the dress I chose was black and red. The venue was an indoor garden, so it’s a picture of me gazing at some plants. It’s not really a headshot and I’m not looking into the camera so it’s probably not the best photo to be using anyways, but I really dislike posed pictures of myself and I don’t use LinkedIn for much anyways, so it doesn’t matter much to me.

  35. DarkShadows*

    #2 – As much as I think the need to say bless you is annoying on its own, think of how annoying it must be for your coworkers to hear you sneezing a lot too. I’d count it as a win that at least they’re saying bless you and not writing in letters about how their coworkers sneezes all the time.

    1. Spencer Hastings*

      I feel like hearing people sneeze and stuff like that is just kind of the price of admission of sharing space with other people.

    2. Head Sheep Counter*

      Agreed. Sneezing startles me and might make me sympathetically sneeze. Add in scream sneezers and its just a freaking nightmare. But… the body does as it does. Be grateful for folks being nice.

  36. Mizzmarymack*

    LW#1

    I work in public transit. If we need X number of bus drivers to show up on time to drive all our routes (say 1000) we schedule X+15% (1150) where the 15 percent are on-call or supervisors who can take any route.

    This is very normal for blue and pink collar work you need people to do things (see also substitute teachers / my father’s owned a small factory; he and his brothers were the floaters covering shortages)

    It’s not so common for white collar workers to, or things that can slide a day as long as they’re done in time.

    Let’s say there are 252 work-days in a year, less 12 holidays: 240 days your team is expected to do things. Employees use 24 days PTO annually (maybe you have 2 weeks sick and 3 vacation, but you don’t take it all, idk, I picked the number to make the math easy) – 10% of the total work days.

    If there are never overlapping days, for a team of 6, you will be short of what you need 60% of the time! Assuming you also take your PTO (you don’t see the 10% of the time you’re out) that means that 50% – 1/2 of the time you’re in – the team would be short-staffed.

    If the team is short staffed to the point it’s affecting the ability to do your jobs 50% of the time it’s absolutely a staffing issue for your company. If it’s specialized work but the team is mostly interchangeable (say IT setup) it might make sense for the company to hire), otherwise maybe a temp agency could provide you with ‘substitutes’ or a more senior member of staff (like my dad or our bus supervisors) who know all of the machines/roles/work your team does could step in.

    But you’re going to need to make the case based on the allowed time off and other policies (for example, if you’re not allowed to have more than one person on vacation it guarantees short staffing during vacations) causing this issue. If possible, when a 5 person team can’t complete the job in the time allotted – I wouldn’t want our mechanics rushing engine repair! – just leave it undone.

    I fully understand that leaving things undone or working your wage may not be possible. But I’ve worked construction, have my OSHA-30, etc. SAFETY FIRST. If you are moving things and you are exhausted you are more likely to injure yourself. Working with power? Change injury to death. Setting up IT security? Leaving holes for malware to slip in. There’s a real case if you can’t do it safely and do it right to not do it at all.

  37. BethPlusBooks*

    Re: scheduling for overages, I’m a library director who has to schedule to staff three circulation desks as well as ILL packing and unpacking, shelving, etc. I build a base schedule that can easily absorb one absence, can manage a second absence with a little stress, and once a third person is out it means I’m on desk all day and there will be a cart of books for TomorrowBeth to manage. I can do this because I have staff that are capable of being on desk but their main job isn’t desk related, like Adult Programming Assistants or Technical Processors. If there’s a work flow but not specific tasks and locations to be, it would be hard to justify a 7th person if there truly is only work for 6.

    1. Aerin*

      The cross-training piece is how it was handled at the Mouse. Pirates of the Caribbean required (I think) 16 people to operate and 44 people to evacuate. So they operated with 16 +however many rotations there were so people could get breaks. If the ride went down, an immediate call went out for anyone with Pirates knowledge to get over there. So you might be evac’ed by a Mansion maid, a canoe guide, and a manager in business casual.

    2. Turquoisecow*

      Yeah I was gonna say cross training is the way to go, assuming this is a small team inside a larger organization, and not a small business with six people total. Have people on various teams trained to do the work (at least the bare minimum) of other teams in case of emergency, so if two people are out, Bob from Operations can come and run a few reports so Jane and Sally can help customers. Or maybe Joe from accounting knows how to help clients with sales questions so he can handle that and free up Jane and Sally to work on more complex questions. Good employees appreciate learning new skills (that might one day lead to new jobs) and good managers create backups in the case of the “hit by a bus” scenario, so that employees can take vacation or sick days without worrying.

      If there’s a budget maybe you build in a floater who isn’t an expert but can help with the basics in multiple teams as needed, so maybe they work.

  38. cmdrspacebabe*

    OP2: I had a boss once with a multi-sneeze. No one in our (small, enclosed) office space ever said “bless you”, but we DID have a running joke of collectively stopping what we were doing to count along with his sneezes and then cheer if he broke a record.

    So… could be worse? Or maybe better? Highly subjective I suppose.

  39. Anon Fed*

    Absolutely random, but I vote to have a universal change to “unknown variable = X” to something less…. contentious. (Yes, I had a bit of a visceral reaction to “…my email address is X…”, and yes, I am laughing at myself; and no I don’t except anyone to actually change it because it’s a _math_ thing. I just knew this was a safe place to comment.)

  40. Box of Rain*

    LW3 – Is there an opportunity to cross train staff from another team? Then both teams have potential help during times one of their team members is out.

  41. Sassafras*

    #3 Cross-training is your friend here. Look for critical tasks that can’t be missed and then rotate who is responsible for those tasks.

    Then as a team look for effeciencies. tell you teams you expect them to spend tonight 10-20% of their time on self-developement amd for anyone whose takes don’t give them that much free time, to work with you in finding effeciencies.

    What tends to happen on teams that burn out is that the workload matches the output of 6 highly efficient and well trained

  42. Tired Fed*

    #5 Re: No privacy on Comms

    Once you find all your professional contacts on Linked In, I recommend using an encrypted messaging app like Signal or WhatsApp to discuss job prospects.

    If you need an excuse beyond the current environment, FBI even warned a couple months ago that text messages between Apple and Android devices can (and are) freely snooped on.

    1. I Have RBF*

      Yeah, IIRC, they explicitly called out SMS with company IP being vulnerable. It was weird to see the federal government recommending an end-to-end encrypted app, but the foreign hacking thing is apparently huge. Current feds have their hair on fire, so…

    2. Turquoisecow*

      WhatsApp isn’t encrypted and it’s owned by Meta (Facebook) now so I wouldn’t count on that being secure. Signal is the way to go if you’re worried about privacy concerns.

  43. ElizabethJane*

    LW 1 – definitely next time you’re at a photo taking occasion ask the photographer to snap a few headshots. Mine is from a lingerie shoot I did to help a boudoir photographer build her portfolio. Professional hair and make up, wear a blouse and a blazer, got 4 options out of it.

  44. Jane Lane*

    LW 1 should look into professional photoshopping services. There are plenty of people who could take your veil off and put on a business-y top by editing your photo. The ones that end up looking weird are the ones that photoshop your face. You could get a good result if you just want to make changes to your attire.

  45. my four cents worth*

    i feel for the federal govt employees who are impacted, i know it’s terrible to potentially lose a job. but the bloat of government is enormous and real. i’m in local govt, and it’s bad enough at this level. in 2008 we laid off 10% of my department and nobody really noticed. and we could’ve laid off another 30% and still kept services and consituents from being impacted. govt keeps growing and growing and growing, and the work it produces is terrible. this isn’t an endorsement of trump or musk by any means. but reducing govt is a good thing. and those using twitter takeover as an example – you’re correct. it’s a good example. he fire almost 80% of the staff – and twitter/x still works right? you can tweet right? you can retweet? still functioning, with 20% of the people. that’s a great example. govt is worse.

    1. Colette*

      Does any large organization have stuff they can cut? Sure.

      Is the current approach in the US in any way effective? Only if your goal is to dismantle the government and loot it for profit.

      You used X as an example; it appears to be still functioning, but it is increasingly hostile to people who aren’t straight white men, and we don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes. I’d be surprised if things like security updates were being prioritized.

      2. I Have RBF*

        Xitter is an operations dumpster fire right now. It is not functioning well, and the only reason it doesn’t crash more often is that people are leaving it in droves, so the server load is less. Sure, the “basic” functions are mostly there. But it’s trust and safety group is gone, it’s content moderation is nothing but an algorithmic mess, and the entire platform is overrun by right wing troll bots. I would never use it as an example of a well run organization. Same with Tesla – their QA is abysmal, which is horrible considering how much they charge.

        Government is not supposed to be run like a fucking business. Yes, there’s bureaucracy, primarily because “move fast and break things” in government can cost people their livelihood, freedom, or even their life.

        I suppose you could theoretically trim 10% from any organization and it would still function. But that’s only until there’s a major flu outbreak, winter cold season, or whatever, because that 10% is their staffing buffer – see the issue from LW #3.

    2. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      I mean, Twitter turned into such a hellscape that it lost what, 80% of it’s value and users left en masse, one of whom is me. In the short term, it was super buggy and stuff just…didn’t work. Which is fine for a “luxury” like a social media platform but is maybe less so for agencies that provide literal live saving services. Also, looking at government as if it’s a business and should be run as such is an irresponsible position to take- the purpose of the government SHOULD be to provide services to citizens to improve their wellbeing, not make money.

      1. Elizabeth West*

        It’s still buggy. I’m still on it, but I had to delete the app — I can only use it on a browser. And there is value in employing moderators on social media — because if it turns into a hellscape because of rampant awful posts, then advertisers will leave and there goes your revenue.

        So yeah, cutting a ton of staff is not always the best idea. Everyone always goes for labor first but no one ever cuts the CEO’s pay. That would save a ton of money right there. :P

    3. Tired Fed*

      When a company removes bloat, they (usually) do so with forethought and planning. Musk didn’t and Trump is following his example.

      RIFs have happened before, but there were discussions then, there were pros and cons weighed, performance evaluations read, and lawful procedures followed.

      What is happening now is NONE of those things.

    4. Tired Fed*

      When a company removes bloat, they (usually) do so with forethought and planning. Musk didn’t and Trump is following his example.

      RIFs have happened before, but there were discussions then, there were pros and cons weighed, performance evaluations read, and lawful procedures followed.

      What is happening now is NONE of those things. Civil servants exist to buffer the public and public services from the winds of politics. There could be improvements to things, sure, but comparing Formerly Called Twitter to a Nation State Government is ludicrous.

    5. Peanut Hamper*

      Please (clap) stop (clap) comparing (clap) government (clap) to (clap) businesses (clap).

      They are NOT the same.

      Government agencies are there to provide services to people who need them. Business are there to make a profit. They are NOT equivalent. Please stop making these comparisons. Every time I see someone who does this, I think “There’s a person who doesn’t understand how government or business works” — because you don’t.

    6. Hlao-roo*

      and the work it produces is terrible

      This is a huge, sweeping statement. There are so many different parts of the government doing different things. Are they all uniformly terrible? What do you mean by “terrible”? Poor quality? Unnecessary? Something else?

      I’m sure there’s some bloat in some places of the government. I’m sure some work the government produces is poor quality (or unnecessary or whatever else you mean when you say “terrible”). But, like Tired Fed said, the way to tackle bloat and “terrible”-ness is with forethought and planning. Targeted RIFs. Evaluating how to increase quality of certain work.

      Slashing the federal workforce willy-nilly (and slashing the Twitter/X workforce willy-nilly, for that matter) might get rid of the bloat, but at the cost of a lot of collateral damage–like quality.

    7. Jules the 3rd*

      There’s ways to tackle bloat without impacting services. In 1993, Clinton told Gore to work on reducing the federal govt. He started by saying any positions open for more than a year were immediately closed. (Depts would keep a position open so they had money budgeted for it, which they could use for other things.) Check out the wiki article on “National Partnership for Reinventing Government” for more info, but tldr is 5 years, 250K jobs cut (about 10%), tech updates prioritized (like electronic forms and notifications, instead of printed ones), a full 1% of GDP spending cut, and no significant impact. Unlike last week’s “oh hey, the Medicaid portal is down”…

      And if you’re gonna use twitter as an example – the takeover has been an utter failure.
      – The service is less reliable (you can’t always tweet or retweet)
      – They’re losing money rapidly (revenue down 22% in one year), no profit since 2019
      – Subscriber growth is slowing and there is 0 proof that new users are real people not bots

      Twitter is only ‘alive’ because someone is pouring money into it, probably $200M/year or so post lay-offs and their actions are not getting them to more revenue. Someone will eventually get tired of doing that, at which point Twitter will shut down.

    8. Stuckinacrazyjob*

      I don’t want to be mean, but if I get worse services, people are burnt out, and people don’t have jobs when they could be providing services, that sounds worse instead of better.

    9. Head Sheep Counter*

      I think your opinion is worth less than four cents and that you do not really know what you are talking about. Perhaps your job is bloat and perhaps there are opportunities for fixing or changing the government… but I am 100% certain Musk isn’t the right person and this isn’t the right approach. To even vaguely hint that it is… is… awful. Enjoy the hellscape you voted for.

    10. Observer*

      and the work it produces is terrible.

      That is demonstrably untrue. Some agencies and departments do bad work, others do good to excellent work, and there are those that have a mix.

      Your example of Twitter / X is also factually flawd. It still works – but at a *much* smaller scale (usage numbers are down by a LOT), their customer service is non-existent, they have not been able to add a single one of the services Musk spoke about (including ones that would have brought in some income), and finances are so bad that Musk actually admitted that they are not bringing profits and every entity that helped bankroll the purchase has either written off the “investment” or is trying to sell for pennies on the dollar.

      And this was on a firm that was legendary for its bad management. So bad, in fact, that even a lot of people who were not Musk fans thought he could make things that much worse. Management that was so bad that when Musk first took over some of the people who criticized his behavior repeatedly pointed out that their criticisms should not be taken as an endorsement of the prior management. As one person put it, the incompetent management was replaced by chaos monkeys.

      That is *not* what you ever want to risk in government.

    11. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

      A lot of what government–at all levels–does isn’t terrible, it’s valuable and done well. If you live in a city, they’re your firefighters, as well as the people who pave roads, inspect restaurants for health violations, staff libraries, teach school, arrest drunk drivers…. At the federal level, that’s air traffic control, the National Park Service, the Coast Guard, emergency management, the Social Security Administration, the VA….

      Shut some of those down, or cut them too far, and people die. That recent air crash near DC between a passenger plane and a military helicopter happened while they were making one air traffic controller do two people’s jobs.

      1. Observer*

        That recent air crash near DC between a passenger plane and a military helicopter happened while they were making one air traffic controller do two people’s jobs.

        Which is a hold over from the Biden days.

        That’s not a defense of Trump and Musk. It’s just pointing out that the idea that “all” government agencies are “overstaffed” has not been true for decades! In fact, I’ve been hearing warnings for years that something like this is going to happen.

        But that also means that your core point – that going after size without any sense or rationality *is* going to mean even more loss of life – is really urgent. Yes, some agencies are over-staffed. But some are absolutely *understaffed* and that needs to change even more urgently than we need to cut the bloat that does exist.

    12. Parakeet*

      It doesn’t sound like you actually feel for the federal government employees who are potentially impacted. If you did, you wouldn’t be using the dysfunction at your own specific job and department to publicly justify the hell other people are being put through right now. Your various disclaimers ring hollow.

    13. Helewise*

      Please post publicly what local government you work for so I can apply. The one I work for is grossly understaffed and everyone in our office is exhausted. Comments like this make it worse, because people believe you and think we’re lazy rather than juggling a chronically overwhelming workload.

      1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

        My dad used to say people would complain about him having a cushy government job. He would reply, “If you think I have it so easy, apply for one yourself.”

  46. VP of Monitoring Employees’ LinkedIn and Indeed Profiles*

    For LW 2…

    After the second sneeze, I reply with “Continued Blessings!” to cover all subsequent sneezes.

  47. blupuck*

    Waiting in line at the pharmacy, woman behind me sneezes.
    From me- “Bless You”
    sneezes again.
    From me- “Bless You. You only get two”
    laughs all around.
    general convo between several people about sneeze sayings and serial sneezes, etc.
    A fun interaction and much better than the usual drag of waiting in line.

  48. Caller 2*

    I’ve found that sometimes people done up for their weddings don’t actually look like themselves. So much as to sometimes be unrecognisable. Maybe it’s just me? But anyway, maybe something to keep in mind.

  49. Matt*

    I’ve wondered about this “Bless you” thing my whole life. I don’t sneeze often, but if, then it’s multiple times, and I always hated it. General agreement is that you don’t comment on other people’s bodily functions, so why is sneezing the big exception here? (Yes, I know the superstitious background with your soul leaving your body, but there isn’t yet a case to be documented of someone dying because his soul couldn’t come back because it wasn’t blessed enough.)
    In German it’s “Gesundheit” (“Health”).

    1. JustaTech*

      Interestingly, when I was growing up in the mid-Atlantic in the 90’s everyone said “gesundheit” rather than “bless you”. Like, it was what we were taught in public school, it’s what people said out and about, it was just normal.

      Why do I say it? Other than ingrained habit? I don’t know, I guess just acknowledging a fellow human with a body that sometimes makes loud noises.

  50. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    For #5 would you be comfortable creating something like a google doc that you could send out to people you work with and so everyone could update their info and it could be shared with others. I’m sure you are not the only person who is thinking about this. Get everyone’s personal emails at least and then you can start an email chain. It could also be helpful if/when you need to look for work, as you could all share job openings, etc with each other.
    Wishing you all the best!

  51. River*

    #2. Some of the people I work with don’t like religion so to them when someone says “Bless you” they think of it on a religious context. Some from that group will never say “Thank you/thanks” if someone does say “Bless You” to them. They do however have other words they say instead of Bless You that other people would never use. (Not Gesundheit, or similar words).

  52. Jules the 3rd*

    LW3: Run the numbers.
    Six employees, assume a (generous for the US) avg of 3 weeks vacation: 18 weeks
    Assume similar time sick or in training: 18 weeks
    That’s 36 weeks of work, some of which will overlap, out of an annual 52 weeks.

    Not enough work for an additional full-time person, but probably enough for a temp if hired strategically. If your workload is normal in the summer, a summer hire would help during common vacation times.

    You can definitely ask your boss if that’s an option, or how a temp might work – sometimes they like to see this kind of pr0active thinking from team members.

    LW5: My deepest sympathy for your situation. Getting laid off is rough, and all the confusion / demonization / uncertainty just makes it worse.

    When I was laid off last year after 22 years at the same company, and 19 in the same team, it was hard. The two consolations I had:
    1. I knew it wasn’t my fault. The company was moving out of manufacturing, didn’t need my role anymore. You also have this consolation: If you lose your position, it’s not due to any fault of yours, and anyone you apply to will know that.
    2. My terrible, awful, no good team lead was also let go. Petty, yeah, but ooooh so satisfying. And satisfying to behave professionally my last three weeks, handing off my remaining work, in comparison to her immediate disappearance.

    It’s scary, especially since the job market will be competitive, but it’s also an opportunity. I switched gears back to an interest I had in college (ironically, govt, but local) and am now in a good job with new people I like (sooooo young, tho!) and a possible training path to the job I really want, if there’s any of those positions around by the time I get up to speed.

    Hold out for as much money and time as you can get, and really think about what you *want* to do, not just what you think you can do. I had to take a side-step into some secondary technical skills, away from my MBA training, but it’s making my path forward possible.

    Good luck to you and all of us.

  53. NMitford*

    FWIW #1, I got my headshots done at the Picture People at the mall for a decent price. While there was a part of me that wanted to pose with the giant teddy bear, sit on the wooden train, or have the birthday backdrop with the balloons and streamers, I got a wide selection of images against a plain gray backdrop and could choose the three best on CD for a reasonable price. I was, I swear, the only person over the age of seven getting her picture taken that Saturday afternoon, but it worked out well.

    J.C. Penney has reasonable photo packages as well.

  54. Forrest Gumption*

    I’m sure it’s been said already, but it’s super easy to erase a veil (or other clothing item) from an image using Canva or Photoshop. The headshot I use on most of my social media accounts is a wedding headshot minus veil. No one can tell.

  55. Nusuth*

    LW #2 – I feel you! I am also a multiple sneezer, also with a weird sneeze that has never gone without comment. I’ve had no luck getting people to not say bless you, BUT I have successfully trained everyone in my life to wait until I’m done! Maybe that’s one step you can take to make it less disruptive. I typically just say something like, “no need for six bless-yous! I’ll take one at the end!”

  56. Gesundheit x 6*

    Saying it six times in quick succession sounds excessive, but no one is saying “bless you” because they genuinely believe your soul is trying to escape your body.

    They’re saying it because “bless you” (and to a lesser extent “gesundheit”) are the conventional expressions we’ve settled on in the US as the polite response to a sneeze.

    Certainly, ask people to at least cut it down a bit, but don’t treat people trying to practice basic good manners as though they were superstitious rubes trying to convert you to their brand of vague spirituality.

    1. Camellia*

      In my family we say ‘Bless you!’ for the first sneeze, but for every sneeze after that (for example, I almost always sneeze three times in a row), we say ‘And again!’, ‘And again!’, for however many follow-up sneezes. But I would never do this in a work/group setting.

      1. JustMe*

        I knew a family who said “Bless you” then “Bless you again” then “Bless you all day.” Then you were covered and it stopped. And if someone sneezed several times quickly, you would be saying it all at once, but then you were done.

        I wonder if LW2’s coworkers could be trained to just say “Bless you all day” at the first sneeze and be done with it? Would be better than what’s happening now.

  57. TurtlesAllTheWayDown*

    When I was on Jeopardy! they took pics of us both with Alex Trebek and alone because, obviously, professional makeup and studio lighting. They found people were cutting or photoshopping Alex out of the pics to use on LinkedIn, etc, so they just cut to the chase, I guess!

  58. Jack Russell Terrier*

    You would also need to check with your wedding photographer / your contract. Mine has that I have rights to reproduce *for personal use*.

    I used to work in documentaries and commercial rights for visuals are always at the front of my mind. Thank goodness I never had to deal with music rights – they’re real headache.

  60. Fellow Fed*

    #5 – I’m sure you are aware, but most Feds aren’t on LinkedIn since it’s not typically used in the federal hiring process. Federal applications require application through a single web site and the resume format is pretty strict. As suggested above, I would reach out and provide your own personal contact info and see if you can get others to reciprocate. Might be even better if you can do so through offline channels like in-person discussions or texts.

  61. Doug*

    I’ve seen this for some women at my job, and we definitely aren’t picky about that kind of thing. All the same, I’ve often wondered, especially being in a male dominated field, if it is in part to keep away creeps. I don’t feel like that’s an issue where I work, but I don’t know people’s past experiences, and sometimes kind of see it like a wedding ring as shorthand for “don’t flirt with me” etc.

  62. LongTimeReader*

    OP4: Thank you everyone for your advice! I have emails my agent and editor as suggested. Would love to provide further detail about my book, imprint, etc, but I don’t want to dox myself.

  63. I Have RBF*

    #5, might I suggest doing a small Vista Print run of personal cards, with your personal contact info on it, so you can just hand someone your card to network. Then it’s not using any government resources, not even wifi, and it durable, cheap and fast. If a lot of your colleagues do the same, then you have basically done the networking thing without being Muskized. No public profiles or other stuff.

  64. thatsjustme*

    I was a little surprised about the staffing answer. I work a desk job for a business that operates 365 days a year, with a deliverable every single day, and there are a total of three people (including myself) who can do my job. There are essentially two overlapping shifts each day, since we need coverage from about 9 a.m. to 10 p.m. And many of the night shifts require two or even three of us. And my boss (who’s among the three people who can do my job) works both shifts most days, putting in probably 70-80 hours in a typical week. All this to say: When one of us goes on vacation or gets sick, there’s a good chance at least one person will have to work six or seven consecutive days. I really hate it!

    It is important to my sanity to believe we are understaffed, whether that’s true or not.

  65. FunkyMunky*

    #1 – if you have non veiled photos from your day, just use those instead. I totally get it, we all looked so nice the day off, these photos make great profile pics!

    1. KateM*

      Speak for yourself, I looked UGLY. :D And our official photographer was a bad one to boot, we took who the official recommended and only later saw that many people had complained.

      1. Dancing Otter*

        Yeah, well, mine didn’t show up at all. My now-ex found him; it was an unrecognized omen of problems to come.
        On the other hand, I would have burned the pictures later, anyway.

      2. I Have RBF*

        I actually ended up taking the photos at the wedding of a friend of mine with my cell phone because the photographer showed up, took maybe five shots, and vanished. I took all of the reception and after-wedding shots. They actually came out well.

  66. CatPerson*

    I used to work with a lot of Blessyouers and I hated it. There might be a chorus of Bless yous for every sneeze! My only advice is that you should never acknowledge the Bless You (no “thank you” reply)–just ignore it. And never say Bless You when someone else sneezes.

  67. Tirzah Price*

    L4: Congrats on the book! I’m a traditionally published author with 4 books from HarperCollins and a day job and I agree with all of Alison’s advice, and I’d check with your agent because while there is likely language in your contract about supporting marketing and publicity I highly doubt you’re contractually obligated to do it all (I have tons of pubbed friends and I’ve never heard that–but if you have a high level of marketing support, that is awesome and there might be more expectations).

    I also started my current job about six months before promoting my newest book release. I agree with Alison to ask your publisher about any and all travel–some they might be able to tell you about, and some stuff might come up last minute so you can’t really prepare for that, but most travel should be at least on your calendar 2-4 months in advance. I negotiated unpaid time off for a couple of events that fell in my probationary period before I could take vacation leave. The week I release a book, I typically take release day off and the Friday off, and I am trying to shift all of my in-person events to the weekend. (Tuesday night release parties seem fun but it’s hard to get people to come out for them so I don’t see them as worthwhile as planning a Saturday or Friday night event.) Most interviews can be done off work hours. I am fortunate to have an amazing manager who doesn’t mind if I flex my time and take lunch at 2 pm if I need to run to my car and do a quick phone interview. Releasing a book with a day job is a LOT of work and I basically expect my entire month to get sucked into release madness, so I also highly recommend building in some recovery time! Good luck with the release!

  68. Book Friend*

    #4, I wanted to reach out with my own experience as a full time employee who has promoted 5 books while having a job (though not with a MAJOR publisher, there were lots of events and interviews).

    In general, if you’re on a book tour, nearly all events will be happening in the evening and interviews are often pre-taped at times that work for you, or are such short spurts of time, it wouldn’t be a hardship for most employers to miss you for half an hour or so—think, a 20 minute conversation cut down to a 2-3 minute radio piece.

    If your employer can give you some flexibility to work remotely on days you might be traveling or need to get to an event by a certain time, that’d be ideal! You could also ask for the time as part of your starting date negotiations.

    In my own most recent tour this past falls, At WORST I took a vacation day or half day to drive to an event, and two Fridays to fly in for weekend book festivals.

    That’s not to minimize your achievement to tell you not to worry, but I don’t think you should expect a promotional tour to take up so much of your day to day!

  69. Sparkly Librarian*

    I hope it’s appropriate to recommend a specific service for the headshots. I’ve had a lot of success both with family photos and headshots using Shoott (two Ts). They hire multiple photographers to come to a public location like a park; around here they’re almost all outdoors, but that may vary depending on regional weather. It’s free to book a session at a location near you, and you only have to pay for the pictures you want to keep (if you’re just getting a handful, it’d be $15-20 each, which I found very reasonable).

  70. SageTracey*

    Number 3 – there are employers that do recognise the value of building a bit of extra into essential teams, especially in growing businesses.
    My team of six works with immoveable deadlines. Most of us have six weeks’ annual leave (clue: not a US company), plus sick leave.
    We are well managed with quieter days, busier days but there is always something to do. And when someone is off for any reason, the rest of us divide their work and cover it.
    At five members, it was extremely difficult to keep up the pace when someone was off for any reason.
    Our manager pitched the need for an extra team member and was successful.
    I spent a lot of last year out on sick leave (thanks cancer) and having that extra person on board made a huge difference.
    Now I am almost back to normal and will be able to take up more of my usual workload again.

  71. Susie*

    To LW1: treat yourself to some headshots for work, or pay someone to photoshop a picture you take yourself. I got professional headshots done for $165 (in Orange County) and they came out great. You can get makeup done for not that much at Sephora or Ulta, and you can be proud of both a lovely wedding photo for your social media and a great headshot for work. Some companies will pay for it, doesn’t hurt to ask.

    Nothing makes you feel better than uploading your first pro headshot!

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