coworker swears angrily during the day

by Alison Green on February 11, 2025

A reader writes:

My office is next to a person who swears a lot during the work day. I assume it’s frustration with his computer, but a least a couple times an hour I’ll hear an onslaught of expletives coming from his desk. It’s pretty disconcerting to hear and it’s also really distracting. Otherwise, he’s a great person to work with but I’m not sure how to approach this. What should I do?

I answer this question — and two others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

  • Should I offer a paid job trial before hiring people?
  • Who does HR serve?
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{ 75 comments }

{ 75 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Peanut Hamper*

    A local bakery used to do something similar to #2. But there were some key differences:

    1) You only came in for a single shift, not a month or a fortnight.
    2) It’s a bakery, so you’re working odd hours (usually in the middle of the night)
    3) It tended to hire a lot of young workers who were in college and probably not otherwise employeed.
    4) You got paid immediately for that eight hours and also got a free loaf of bread.
    5) You were free to opt out at any point in that eight hours, because bakery work is not for everybody.

    I suspect that a lot of the reason for this approach is really related to #5: a lot of people would love to work in a bakery, because they think it’s just wandering around smelling fresh bread all day. But bakery work is hard work, and they didn’t want to hire anybody long term who did not know exactly what was involved.

    But yeah, I think most people know what it’s like to answer phones and file stuff. This is only a good idea in very specific areas and for very specific reasons.

    Reply ↓
    1. Aww, coffee, no*

      Yes, when I started reading I thought #2 was going to say a single day or a half day. When I read 14-30 days I was very much: nope. Nope, nope, nope.

      Reply ↓
      1. Typity*

        Yes, that’s a a long time to be wondering whether you’ll get the job in the end.

        It also puts people in the position of suspending their job search and possibly turning down other interviews or even offers. I can see why an employer would be tempted to try this, but it’s so impractical.

        Reply ↓
        1. Required*

          If I decided to do this trial, I would absolutely not stop other interviews or offers. I’d treat it as a way to get paid temporarily if I was not currently employed. I don’t think I’d even consider this a full-time position at that point, but that’s probably me being a bit petty.

          Reply ↓
          1. Kevin Sours*

            That’s my thought from the employer’s perspective. Why would the person you hire stop looking or feel particularly bad about jumping ship during the trial period. They shouldn’t be more committed to you than you are to them.

            Reply ↓
    2. Childish*

      I’m in the UK and work with children under 5. This sort of thing is fairly typical of interviews for childcare roles here (although it’s usually only an hour or two at most – I did one in the past that asked for a whole morning but that’s rare). It makes sense really as the best judge of how you’ll get on is how you are around the children, but they’re obviously too young to be involved in the interview in any other way!

      Reply ↓
    3. Nola*

      I have a good friend who owns a bakery/cafe and she does trials for this very reason. A lot of people think the want to work in a bakery but, if the whole “you’re shift starts at 3:00 am” part doesn’t get to them, the “carrying 40 pounds of dough from one area of the kitchen to another multiple times a shift” often does.

      Reply ↓
      1. Strive to Excel*

        Yeah, I could never, and I have the highest respect for those who do!

        I worked for a while at a deli. We had someone do a full Night Shift, 4-5 times a week, just to prepare all the sandwiches. Especially if we had a special order.

        Reply ↓
    4. Don’t make me come over there*

      I worked at a wholesale bakery over a few holiday seasons and oof, I slept well at night! So physical. This place offered a 25% reimbursement on massages for regular employees.

      Reply ↓
  2. Tom R*

    I have been in this situation when for whatever reason my desk was next to the IT department. I had a job where I was frequently on the phone and my clients could hear the f bombs coming from a couple of the IT guys when they were frustrated (which was pretty much always). It was exhausting to have to apologize all the time and when I complained to my manager they said nothing could be done because we would need like our great great great grandboss to complain to their great great great grandboss and it wasn’t worth it for a small issue

    Reply ↓
  3. YoungTen*

    I dealt with this at my old job. She was the manager’s daughter and thought she could get away with everything. It is so unprofessional especially when you’re in earshot of clients. Eventually, it did catch up with her and she was fired. Not really for the profanity but for her overall anger issues. Speak to him. If you can hear it and find it uncomfortable, you’re probably not the only one

    Reply ↓
  4. CTA*

    Re: HR question

    I once had a friend who didn’t know her career path after finishing college/university. One day she said to me, “Maybe I’ll go into HR because I want to help people.” I immediately told her, “HR doesn’t help people [in the way she thinks]. You’re thinking about social workers.” She really didn’t have a clue about what HR involved, or a clue about jobs that weren’t service jobs (such as retail, waitressing…). She really thought HR was about “helping people” in the sense of being an admin and helping them file their working documents and things like that.

    Reply ↓
    1. Always Tired*

      I always explain HR as having two goals: (1) prevent the company from being sued and (2) keep staff happy so we have good retention. Turns out a lot of Goal 1 feeds into Goal 2. There’s all the background of government filing and compliance documentation, but there’s also ensuring employee rights aren’t trampled and we treat people like humans and we pay them appropriately and help them access benefits.

      Reply ↓
      1. Orora*

        THIS. A lot of people say, “HR works for the company.” Yeah, the same people that sign your paychecks sign ours. We’re not an independent watchdog. This means we can’t force management to do anything they don’t want to. We advise, we give them the facts and laws, but just like you have to do what your boss tells you (even if it’s dumb or will create more hassle), we do too. I will go to the mat for my employees on certain things, but I can’t afford to lose my job, just like you can’t afford to lose yours.

        Everyone hates HR. Employees think we are a tool of the company management and management thinks we’re too intent on employee satisfaction. We can’t win. Often people don’t see HR until something goes wrong. What they don’t see is all the stuff we’re doing behind the scenes to try to keep both sides happy (or at least functional). We know that good HR creates happier employees, which creates better retention, which creates better ROI for the company.

        Of course there are terrible HR people out there, just like there are terrible garbage collectors and dentists. But many of us are just trying to get through the day without a lawsuit and/or fisticuffs.

        Reply ↓
        1. FrivYeti*

          Yes, I think a lot of people say “HR works for the company” because their experience is working at *bad companies*. HR can’t save you from a situation in which everyone above them is corrupt, greedy, or foolish, and if a company is run by significantly corrupt, greedy, and foolish people they will tend to staff their HR department with suck-ups instead of people who are dedicated to getting the work done.

          My memory of the phrase is that it started as a warning to people who thought that HR by itself was a firebreak that would protect them from a thoroughly rotten management structure – a reminder that HR is, as a rule, going to be about as good or bad as the company as a whole. If you’re in a company that you can generally trust, and your problem is with one bad employee, HR will help. If the company is fundamentally broken, HR isn’t going to be *less* broken just because it’s HR.

          But the internet being the internet, the phrase got rapidly picked up by folks who think *all* company structures are fundamentally broken, and things went downhill from there.

          Reply ↓
    2. Sneaky Squirrel*

      You see that one a lot with entry level HR applicants too. Helping people is nice and conflict resolution is important. As HR, it makes me happy when I can make an employee’s day by advocating effectively for them against bad company decisions, or helping them get the answers they need, or by pushing back against a bad manager who is trying to undercut their employee in some way (it happens so much). But I would argue that having a data background is also important, if not more important depending on the HR role. Most of my days are spent in doing research and modeling data to help support business decisions. Should we make changes to a benefit? Here’s all the data that supports how much employees are using that benefit now, here’s my thoughts on what perceptions would look like if we changed the benefit, and here’s what is common in the industry, and here’s a cost analysis of what it would be to make changes to that benefit.

      Reply ↓
    3. bamcheeks*

      I think this is an overly narrow way to define “helping people”. HR is also a lot of explaining policies, giving advice and helping people find relevant and useful information, and tons of people get a lot of satisfaction from that.

      Reply ↓
      1. ecnaseener*

        Agreed. Maybe the friend could’ve been more precise with her wording, but she wasn’t necessarily wrong that HR work might be satisfying because she would get to be helpful. It’s part of what I like about my (not at all HR-related) work – enforcing requirements often manifests as helping people navigate those requirements as painlessly as possible. I’m sure it’s not *as* rewarding as social work or other helping professions, but it’s also not as emotionally taxing.

        Reply ↓
      2. Eldritch Office Worker*

        Also general counseling/coaching/training, which can be very helpful for people! I help people a lot. Sometimes I help people by firing the bad employees that are making their jobs harder – I’m sure the employees being fired don’t think I’m very good HR, but the ones who stay typically appreciate the way things are handled and having better support to do their jobs. A lot of people’s opinions about HR (assuming you have competent HR) are based on what capacity they need to interact with them in.

        Reply ↓
    4. bye*

      I mean, to be fair, HR can help you file your working documents. But yeah, not really close to the main core of their responsibilities.

      Reply ↓
    6. HR Exec Popping In*

      One of my biggest pet peeves are the many people who think HR is the department where you just get to “help people” and “work on company culture”. HR provides people related services to the organization. Just like IT provides technology related services to the organization. IT can’t just let everyone have whatever technology they want. They have to make decisions for the entire organization. Same thing goes for HR.

      Reply ↓
  5. Jen*

    Swearing is one of those things I don’t understand people getting upset over, usually because it’s those who aren’t offended at stuff they should be, who then get offended over swearing.
    Loud talking and shouting – not ok and would drive me crazy.
    Swearing? Whatever. I have more important things to be offended about.

    Reply ↓
    1. HonorBox*

      I don’t mind hearing swearing, and I also am known to dish out my fair share of swears. But if someone is repeatedly swearing or even loudly remarking nonsense at their desk, multiple times an hour, I think that others around them have a right to say something because that can be disruptive. If coworker down the hall listened to baseball games every day and cheered multiple times an hour, I think the irritation would be the same.

      Reply ↓
    2. xylocopa*

      Well, an “onslaught of expletives” that you’re hearing from the next office over is probably loud and kind of hard not to interpret as anger, at least initially?

      Reply ↓
    3. Lenora Rose*

      I don’t know that it’s the words alone. In this case it sounds like the anger and volume and distraction are the issue rather than the chosen words. In other cases (see other comments) it’s the professionalism and disruption as well, where one person is trying to speak to clients appropriately while another person is swearing audibly in the background.

      I have a friend who almost never swears, and when she does, she does it with nicely folded hands in a voice no louder and only slightly more clipped and sharp than the voice she’s already using to project professionalism. It makes the point, and it’s startling, but doesn’t create the sort of instinctive threat flinch that shouting does, and if it were happening in the background of a call or a cubicle over, it would either be inaudible or no worse than other conversation. This does not sound like that.

      Reply ↓
    4. Aggretsuko*

      I enjoy swearing, but if you are loudly dropping the F bomb or worse in every third word, I’ll get tired of hearing it.

      Reply ↓
    5. Alex*

      I don’t get the sense that it is the specific words themselves, but rather the anger that is being spewed into the environment through the swearing.

      I used to ride a bus where the bus driver had this problem–he would swear and just exhibit extreme frustration at red lights, when people wanted to get off, etc. Every few seconds he would swear and verbalize anger, and it was scary! Riding the bus with the driver like that was really scary.

      Reply ↓
    6. Suzie and Elaine Problem*

      Having grown up in a volatile household, hearing ANGRY swears is legitimately triggering for me. A casual “f-it!” or “I can’t stand this shit” – no problem.

      A loud and angry F-bomb? I’m immediately leaving the room.

      Reply ↓
    7. Bubbles*

      Ah, but there’s a difference between casual swearing or just irritated swearing and *angry* swearing. I used to work for someone who would erupt with enraged, snarled swears out of nowhere, accompanied by slammed mugs or him kicking or hammering on the desk.

      I’m Irish and working class. I have been around bad language and irritated people. This had me really twitchy. I’d be sitting working on something and he’d suddenly scream ‘FUCK’ at the top of lungs and slamming things around. It got to the point where I was always a little wary that he was about to go off.

      And the fact it was swearing was…angry swearing has a very specific place. It means that something really bad has happened, something serious. I mean it never was. It was also some minor hiccup like he’d forgotten to attach a file or he’d used a formula wrong in sheets. Tell that to my fight or flight response though.

      Reply ↓
      1. LaurCha*

        I work with the female version of this person. She sits just the other side of a very hollow wall and shrieks and swears and slams things around and I hate it. Unfortunately the big boss is also a screamer, so the youngsters around here think it’s appropriate office behavior. It’d be a losing battle to get her to turn the volume down.

        I have just about had it with her yelling when she’s in the middle of a tantrum [aaaand trigger warning]

        that wants to shoot herself in the face. I have lost several people to that particular action and I flinch every time.

        I’m still trying to figure out how to get her to stop with that.

        Reply ↓
        1. LaurCha*

          dammit, I tried to put a bunch of spaces there so people would have to scroll down after the trigger warning. Sorry, y’all.

          Reply ↓
          1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

            Put a period on each line instead.

            What would happen if you straight-up said to her that you’ve lost people to them being shot in the face?

            I might get to the point of asking if they care about what their corpse looks like, or the mess it would leave behind for other to up, or something. But probably I would just say that to someone else who also had to hear her comments.

            Reply ↓
      2. Frieda*

        Yep, “tell it to my fight or flight” is right on for me. Swearing in and of itself, not that big a deal. Angry swearing, especially accompanied by slamming things around, or throwing stuff (like a book onto a desk, not even necessarily a chair into a wall) and I will be like a cat with its fur standing up for longer than I’d like.

        I get that not everybody works that way, and that my particular life experiences don’t dictate professional standards for everyone, but not having adults do a temper tantrum at work is a reasonable expectation. It’s disruptive and unnecessary.

        Reply ↓
    9. Fíriel*

      I agree – the central problem here is the volume and the content of the volume is only secondary. If your coworker started shouting “oh fiddlesticks! Gosh dang it!!” That would wear thin pretty fucking fast too.

      Reply ↓
    10. Statler von Waldorf*

      Outrage over swearing is a very white collar thing that I don’t really understand either, but I’ve learned to play along with it over the years.

      My first job was working as a roughneck on an oil rig many decades ago. I still remember when I switched to my first white collar job, and I had to have a meeting with management about further toning down my “colorful” language. I thought I was doing pretty well by getting down to one swear word in ten from the one in two I was used to, but I was told that zero swearing in the office was actually the norm that I should be aiming for.

      Reply ↓
  6. IHaveKittens*

    I read the headline too quickly and I thought we were going to hear about someone sweating angrily and I thought that might be a good skill to cultivate.

    Reply ↓
    1. LaurCha*

      My mom swears that my temperature would literally go up when I was angry as a child. I still get heated and sweaty when I’m super-mad.

      Reply ↓
  7. Monsieur Bouc*

    There was some wiring kerfuffle in my old office (literally old, in a 100+ year old building in historic neighborhood) by which my computer would shut down when my office neighbor used her printer. She was in the office just a few days a week and didn’t print all that much, so it took a while to make the connection.

    What solved it is when office neighbor asked if I was okay because, “You seem to say ‘d@mn it’ every time I print something.”

    Reply ↓
    3. Aspiring Chicken Lady*

      I can tell if our database system is working by a subtle system of verbal and nonverbal noises that flows across our workspace. A few minutes ago a colleague was tapping his feet in a particular rhythm that I immediately recognized as “the system is slow”.

      Reply ↓
    4. Names are Hard*

      This reminds me of the time I hit print and the supervisor in the office next to mine had a fit about what we were doing to cause the power to go out. I told her all I did was print.

      She had a space heater, a lamp, and an eyebrow wax thing all plugged in. The breaker could handle all of her extra until we printed.

      And yes, it was known that we couldn’t have anything “extra” plugged in due to electrical limitations in our building. She just knew she was high enough up that she wouldn’t get in trouble.

      Reply ↓
  8. Apples and Oranges*

    LR 2 might consider incorporating skills testing into their interview process. My company has started skills testing for almost all positions (nothing super time consuming, just some quick assessments) and it’s been really revealing of deficiencies that didn’t come out in the interview process.

    Reply ↓
    1. Project Maniac-ger*

      Yes! Thankfully these types of office skills can be tested easily and quickly.
      Administer a typing test – literally one minute.
      Have them alphebetize/organize a stack of files – 5 minutes.
      OP can spend 30 minutes skills testing candidates and know who is going to be able to do the work.

      Reply ↓
  9. HonorBox*

    As I started to read the second letter, I was thinking that it sounded like the LW was proposing a shorter probationary period, which might work just fine. But if a long-term offer is contingent on this trial period, this won’t work if you’re trying to hire someone who is already working. You’re not going to get someone to move from one company to another if there’s not an expectation of longer-term employment. Sure things can go sideways even with the expectation of longer-term, but a 30 day test is not going to give someone adequate enough stability to make a move.

    Reply ↓
    1. A manager, but not your manager*

      Apologies if someone else said it, but it sounds like Letter Writer 2 just wants temp to hire, which is a normal enough thing in low level white collar roles that it’s how two of my family members got their most recent jobs. if they use the system that already exists (temp agencies), they might be able to get what they want while not incurring additional risk for applicants.

      Reply ↓
  10. Amber Rose*

    I hear about good HR but I have yet to encounter it in the wild.

    I know they suffer the same problem as my own field, with the comparable result of not being able to be as effective as they should and getting an undeserved bad rap, but I also feel like a good chunk of them go on power trips.

    Reply ↓
  12. Hiring Mgr*

    Maybe in some fields a paid trial like that is normal, but tbh it sounds like a terrible idea both for company and employee.

    Reply ↓
  13. HigherEd Escapee*

    There is a case for what LW2 proposes and where it works quite well and that it in certain programs for hiring of people with disabilities (PWD). I am very specifically not talking about sheltered sub-minimum wage work situations, but places where PWD can work for an employer for ~30 days or so as a part of a training and learning program and find out if the job will be right for them and then, should the employer and potential employee agree, they’re hired with a raise and brought on full time. Major tech companies have employed this technique in bringing all kinds of folks into the work force and it is in addition to good hiring practices, not in lieu of them.

    Reply ↓
    1. metadata minion*

      Do you have more information about this sort of program? People with disabilities don’t necessarily have any more trouble evaluating whether a job is right for them than anyone else, and they shouldn’t have to go through some extended probationary period to get a job they’re qualified for.

      Reply ↓
  14. Hamilton’s Square*

    Letter 2 might be from a while ago but that type of setup especially for that type of job the OP describes (admin duties) has been a mainstay of phishing scams for a while now. At least in my experience. “We’ll pay you X for the first few weeks because you’re on probation and then X + $10 more going forward” is such a recurring feature of certain job-related phishing scams that if I see it show up I immediately report the email, block the sender, etc.

    Reply ↓
  15. Box of Rain*

    How do you approach someone who just swears a LOT in their normal conversations? By “a LOT” I mean every 3rd sentence. We are in a laid back office, but there’s a limit, right?

    Reply ↓
    1. Eldritch Office Worker*

      There may be a limit, but your limit could very well be different than someone else’s. I don’t think that amount of swearing would necessarily register for me. I don’t swear all that often myself unless I’m trying to punctuate something, but I don’t really notice when other people do it unless it’s framed in anger or yelling.

      You could just say something in the moment like a light “Was that really eff worthy?” or “we’re talking like sailors today!” but I’d probably let it go.

      Reply ↓
    2. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

      I think that LW’s real issue is the answer being expressed, along with volume. Swear words themselves are often not an issue, especially in conversation. HOWEVER, if your colleague is not swearing loudly or in anger, but rather as part of their vocabulary, I think your only real option is to own it, similar to what Alison suggests: “All the cuss words bother me. Could you tone it down when we’re talking?”

      Reply ↓
    3. wfh_addict*

      Language style is like work clothing — it’s a social convention that differs from workplace to workplace. What is appropriate in one environment may not be appropriate in another.

      Reply ↓
  16. Scarlet ribbons in her hair*

    One time, while I was currently employed, I answered an ad for a job and was called and asked to come in for an interview. Upon being told the company’s address, I said that I worked in the same building. During the interview, the interviewer commented on my lack of experience in their industry (which he had already known about before I was called in for an interview), and he suggested that I take a two-week vacation from my job and work there for those two weeks to see if I could do the job. Nothing was said about my being paid for those two weeks, and I didn’t even bother to ask, because there was no way I would agree to that. He also said that if hired, I wouldn’t be paid the salary that was listed in the ad, due to my lack of experience in the field. I said that it would be very difficult, maybe even impossible, for me to work at his company for two weeks, reminding him that I worked in the same building, and at least one of my co-workers would be sure to see me every day either in the building lobby or in an elevator.

    At another company, the office manager told everyone how delighted she was with an applicant for the position of receptionist, that she was an absolutely perfect person, and she carried on so much that one employee said that maybe she was expecting too much. The office manager said that the applicant agreed to come in the following day and work as a receptionist to see how things went.

    So the applicant came in, and I trained her, and everything was fine until she went to lunch and never came back or called. I was frantic, thinking that she had been hit by a bus or something. The office manager, because she thought that this applicant was absolutely wonderful, kept making excuses, saying “Maybe she didn’t know how much time she was supposed to get for lunch.” I said no, saying that I had told the applicant, “I go to lunch at noon, so you’ll go at 1:00 PM, okay?” The office manager had to agree that that was a way of saying that we get one hour for lunch. Then the office manager said, “Maybe she didn’t realize that she was supposed to come back. Maybe she thought that she was just supposed to work half a day.” I said no, saying that someone had given her a task that had to be done after 3:00 PM, and the applicant knew that it would have to be done after 3:00 PM.

    Eventually the office manager told me that she called the applicant’s home phone number, and the applicant answered, saying that she hadn’t returned to the office because she didn’t think that she was doing a good job. The office manager told me that she asked the applicant if anyone had told her that she wasn’t doing a good job or had given her a lot of criticism, and the applicant had answered no, that she just didn’t think that she was doing a good job, and she had decided that the best thing to do was to go home and not call us. The office manager told me that she told the applicant that she wasn’t going to hire her. It’s just as well that this didn’t happen on the applicant’s first day of work (without having had a one-day trial).

    Reply ↓
  18. Colette*

    LW2. I’ve had a number of temp to perm admin jobs in my life through temp agencies that contract with organizations to provide admin staff. For each of those, I interviewed with the agency first and took all of their tests and then was in their temp pool.

    When someone worked with that agency to fill a permanent role, the agency would send a bunch of resumes, the employer would decide who to interview, and the selected admin got a 6-month placement in which both sides had a chance to determine whether or not the job and the admin were the right fit. If the combination didn’t work out (and sometimes it didn’t), the agency sent over a new batch of resumes and the process started over.

    You might consider that as an option.

    Reply ↓
  19. Aphrodite*

    I loathe profanity, especially casual and otherwise “unnecessary” profanity. Why do so many other people take it as par for the course? When did it become so acceptable in public and even in businesses? Why do companies make their customer service people take it from customers? I wouldn’t allow employees to be abused were I a CEO. It’s just ugly and very limiting language.

    Reply ↓
    1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

      I think there’s a huge difference between casual swearing and abusively swearing AT people. People shouldn’t abusively yell at others with any kind of language! You can be completely clean and still be abusive. It’s not the swears that are the problem.

      Reply ↓
    2. Wellie*

      All my profanity is necessary.

      Maybe if you started accepting it as a difference in communication styles, you would be less bothered by it.

      Now, abusing someone is different. But—customers can abuse service reps without swearing. So maybe learn to differentiate between abusing people with language and swearing.

      Reply ↓
    3. Statler von Waldorf*

      This comment just makes me curious to what you think necessary profanity is. If I hit my thumb with a hammer, do I only get one necessary F-bomb, and the second one is “unnecessary”? I’m honestly curious how you draw such an arbitrary line.

      Reply ↓
    4. metadata minion*

      Not everyone views profanity as inherently offensive. I like to save it for special occasions, but customers abusing employees should be about attitude and meaning, not the specific language they’re using. “F– you!” is inappropriate in almost any circumstances, but “wow, this cake is f–ing amazing!”, while maybe not really appropriate in a fancy restaurant, isn’t insulting or threatening.

      Reply ↓
  20. It's Marie - Not Maria*

    I’m in HR, and run into this all the time. We are a call center, and people are on the phone all day. The microphones on the headsets are pretty sensitive, so second hand profanity is a problem.

    We have two people that are really bad about it. One is C-Suite and there is ZERO I can do to stop them from coming out of their office cussing. The other is a Claims Person, who constantly talks to himself and DENIES he is doing it every time I call him out on it. His Manager refuses to do anything about it.

    Reply ↓
  21. Julie*

    I worked in an office that was rude with loud swearing, and it was just part of the industry.

    BUT I had multiple colleagues beg me to do something about a coworker who would call his wife frequently to swear at her, accuse her of sexual things, etc. This targeted, misogynistic rage was too much, and coworkers’ headphones weren’t drowning it out.

    When I told him he was making his coworkers uncomfortable and asked him to use an empty office when he called his wife, he insisted it wasn’t his fault that she was a … well, he described her using a wide variety of hateful terms while accusing her of awful things that he said most women do. I am a woman, btw.

    He did agree to not call her from his desk. Winning?

    Reply ↓
  22. Another Hiring Manager*

    I think Allison’s response to #2 was too gentle. It’s a terrible way to hire, and honestly I’d be offended if someone offered me a trial period at a lower rate and I’d swear at them loudly and angrily.

    Learn how to write good job descriptions, read resumes, and interview.

    Reply ↓
  23. An Australian in London*

    I have begun swearing using the Finnish “perkele” at work and at home. No brief comment can do this justice. Even the Wikipedia page on Finnish swearing doesn’t do it justice. It is linked closely to the Finnish “sisu” which also needs a whole article. “Perkele” can be used anywhere we might say “OMFG” in English, but it conveys so much more. These examples utterly charmed me:

    <>

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    1. An Australian in London*

      (I see my characters were interpreted as markup. Trying again.)

      ”
      I greeted a dear friend of mine, who I hadn’t seen for a few months. They were surprised to see me, so they said: “Look it’s (my name), perkele.” The perkele in this is said in a lower voice, and delivers the feelings of deep companionship, immediate forgiveness for not keeping in touch, and the delight to meet again, in a single word. It’s like saying, ‘You devil, I missed you and I’m happy to see you again, you are forgiven, and may you be blessed by the strongest god we know.’

      When a Finnish girl puts on their false eyelashes and struggles and drops one, she may whisper “Perkele.” In this context, it means ‘Almighty god, I’m frustrated, please give me strength and patience to deal with this and give this object strength to work with me so that we can achieve it together.’ Then they pick it up and try again much more calm.
      “

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