my job wants me to hit up everyone I know for money and other help

by Alison Green on February 5, 2025

A reader writes:

I work for a small-ish (100 people) British nonprofit. The work we do is similar to helping disabled people find homes and jobs, coaching them in social and life skills. We have developed a network of connections with local businesses who help us make this all happen.

All good so far. I love my job, my coworkers and my boss. The work we do is valuable and I’m proud of it.

We have plans for growth in our city so we can help more people. Again all good. But … the CEO recently brought in a consultant to work on the growth project.

Next thing we know, that network of local connections is being expanded beyond businesses. All of us staff members are being asked to systematically share our own personal contacts. A series of meetings is planned over the next few weeks where small groups of us will each talk about where in the city we live and map out our connections. (It sounds like there will be some kind of actual map involved.)

For me, this would look like giving details of my book group and the cafe where we meet, my local church and related discussion group, my yoga classes, art group, and so on.

Then once all that information has been collected, we’re expected to go along to each location with a coworker and encourage our own private social contacts to get involved in the work we do, which might mean asking for money or seeking people with the skills we need to volunteer or work for us.

This sounds a lot like the equivalent of a MLM scheme. Also, my friends are my friends, and I don’t want to mix those boundaries with my paid employment.

But I’m much more introverted than most of my coworkers, and I’m hearing a lot of enthusiasm for this scheme from those who are more social. The level of fervor from the CEO and consultant in particular is beginning to sound almost cult-ish.

Although my work is well thought of, I’m concerned that refusing this madness will affect my prospects. My boss is away for a couple of weeks. I think he’ll be sympathetic but he’s two levels below the CEO (who is pretty autocratic). Any ideas on how to handle this? Maybe I just need to pretend I have no friends.

Yeah, one option is that it turns out that you’re a hermit! You don’t know many people locally — maybe most of your friends and family are long-distance — and perhaps that one group people know you’re involved with has an explicit rule against any sort of business solicitation among members.

That said, I’d be inclined instead to just decide that of course this request is not “open up your entire life to us to exploit,” but instead is “let us know of any parts of your network that you think would be amenable to this and which you would be comfortable approaching.” Take it as a given that that’s what’s being asked of you and proceed accordingly. That might mean your answer is, “There’s really no one in my local network who fits this, but I’ll keep thinking about it.” Feel free to add, “The groups I’m in have rules against any kind of solicitations.”

By the way, the idea that you’re supposed to physically show up in these places with a coworker is really odd. It would be one thing to say to you, “Hey, if you think people would be interested, could you mention us at your next art class?” But you’re supposed to show up at all these physical locations with a colleague who no one knows and just flagrantly go into business pitch mode? That’s super weird — so you also might be able to say, “They would react really poorly to that approach and we would definitely not succeed that way, so instead I will feel out their interest one-on-one.” (And then maybe “feel out their interest one-on-one” ends up meaning “in my head, after which I’ll conclude they’re not going to be interested.”)

However, the best option of all is to push back more honestly if you feel you safely can. It’s not unusual in nonprofit work for staff to be asked who in their networks might be interested in supporting the organization’s work, but pressuring people to feel like they have to turn over their personal contacts is not okay.

That said, it’s also possible this won’t turn out to be as high-pressure as you currently fear. Maybe when you sit down to do it, it will end up being more in the vein of “anyone who you’d be comfortable approaching, if anyone.” Which is another reason to go into it assuming that of course we’re all being reasonable about this … while simultaneously being prepared with a plan in case they’re not.

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{ 125 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Looper*

    I would do a little research on that consultant and see what you find. I will bet there is MLM work in their background and they are possibly misrepresenting that as “business management experience”. This scheme is so off-putting as to be damaging to the non-profit and its mission. Get a group of you together and address your concerns to the CEO. This kind of outreach is unlikely to be worth the cost of paying this consultant.

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    1. MsSolo (UK)*

      There’s at least one life coaching / business coaching company in the UK which is explicitly an MLM in itself. Check out the BBC the podcast A Very British Cult, and double check the name of the consultant’s business and whether it’s changed recently, or if they have a history in another group – the whack-a-mole nature of these things mean even when one is shut down in the courts all the members just start their own.

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      1. LW Hermit*

        Hi, LW here, thanks Looper and MsSolo I’ll check this out. I had a quick look just now for the person’s name and couldn’t find anything too suspicious. Will check again later.

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    2. Nia*

      I got the impression that LW doesn’t think there is a group to push back with. She mentions her coworkers seem enthusiastic. It might just be that the best she can do is declining to participate herself.

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      1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

        coworkers might not be as enthusiatic as she thinks. Extrovert does not exploit my personal contacts for my job. Even extroverts like to keep work and personal lives separate.

        I think sometimes the non-profit world forgets that not everyone on the planet is just aching to help out this particular mission.

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        1. Max*

          “I think sometimes the non-profit world forgets that not everyone on the planet is just aching to help out this particular mission.”

          I’ve been really feeling this with a volunteer group I’m involved in. They’re trying to get more local businesses involved as sponsors which in and of itself is fine but it feels like there’s an expectation that we all have the time and enthusiasm to go bug businesses to help out. And I feel like I don’t really want to complicate my relationship with places where I’m a regular by pestering them about this.

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          1. Richard Hershberger*

            I can see bringing it up once at a place where I am a regular, but Always Be Closing mode? Not a chance.

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          2. Butterfly Counter*

            I also volunteer at a non-profit.

            What I feel comfortable doing is posting volunteer opportunities or donation opportunities to my friends on Facebook and leaving it at that. If I know of someone who wants to give more, I of course let them know how. But, as passionate as I am about my cause, I’m not going to push anyone into giving time or money they don’t want to, especially people I like.

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        2. LW Hermit*

          Hi, LW here. You’re right. Since I wrote in about a week ago, some of my fellow hermits have been coming out of the woodwork, and we’re making some plans to push back.

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    3. Bringerofbrownies*

      It strikes me as a little MLM, but a lot like religious proselytizing. Especially the “go in pairs” to make your pitch part of it. Either way, yikes. I also wonder what the board thinks of this? In many respects, isn’t your board of directors kind of the ones most expected to make valuable connections and complement the work of your development/fundraising team?

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      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        It strikes me as a little MLM, but a lot like religious proselytizing…the Venn diagram overlap is greater than you imagine. The pairs is definitely a thing with MLMs. The recruiting member will ask to meet the new person’s friends and family to answer questions and help.

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        1. Ally McBeal*

          Yeah MLMs are very popular among Christian evangelicals in part because the tactics are so similar. I graduated from a Independent Baptist high school (terrible experience, 0/10, do not recommend) and while I’m not social media friends with 90% of them, I occasionally do some light stalking and SO many of them are in MLMs – to the point where I don’t accept friend requests from my former classmates because several of them have done this and immediately popped into my DMs with a “hey girly/hey hun” pitch.

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      2. Rex Libris*

        That was my first thought too. What are they supposed to do, show up, ring the doorbell and ask if they’ve heard the good news about Nonprofit Org?

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    4. tw1968*

      Yes, sounds like dumba$$ consultant doesn’t know how to raise funds. Also…another possible way to shut this down might be to ask if all the people who are supposed to go out into the world and hit up everyone they know for money…will be paid for their time? It’s one thing to say “if you know anyone in your local network…” but it’s quite another to assign folks to work overtime without pay (not sure what British rules are on that tho).

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  3. Yvette*

    Am I the only one who thinks this sounds an awful lot like what some religious groups do? Going around in pairs and soliciting?

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    2. An American(ish) Werewolf in London(ish)*

      I just saw The Book of Mormon (for the second time) in the West End (London) and yeah, I now have ‘Hello!’ running through my brain.

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    4. Fíriel*

      I mean – most responsible groups making asks should have the people doing it travelling at least in pairs (if not pairs at the same door than pairs at nearby houses). Sadly, it can be a safety consideration sending people out alone, particularly depending on the ask you’re making and who you’re making it of. The pairs evoking religion is the least concerning piece of this to me IMO.

      Reply ↓
  4. Sloanicota*

    Hmm, I think I’d do some brainstorming on the outreach I want to do anyway – like, logical affinity groups to partner with – and report those ideas, just kind of eliding the “share your friends and family” suggestion. And I will share one (1) social media post on my platforms, maybe, soliciting donations or driving people to the website or whatever. Being in the nonprofit sector for a long time, these types of ideas come and go fairly often, but they usually blow over.

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    1. A Significant Tree*

      This sounds like a good approach! Maybe you can deflect the “you personally go bug your friends and family to donate/volunteer” directive into “hey what if we increase our outreach by expanding our web presence/flyers/speaking opportunities/other passive marketing” and leave out the MLM-style approach.

      Otherwise I’m concerned that you all will be given quotas to fill and that sounds miserable for everyone but the CEO and the consultant.

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    2. Artemesia*

      yes aim for minimal compliance if the pressure is big. A notice asking for funds on facebook for example or even in bluesky is not very intrusive; most of my friends post fund raising info in these groups from organizations they work for, to those they support to go fund mes == and since there is no direct pressure no one minds. You can claim that you have send word out to your contacts (having posted a fund raising note in Facebook or whatever social media you use)

      but yeah I’d be very interested if this consultant were a Mormon missionary, or in some other high pressure religious group or if he had a background in MLMs and would push back with CEO around the cult like appearance of these efforts. The go by twos is a dead giveaway.

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    3. Great Frogs of Literature*

      I was just thinking that a local charity I volunteer for recently sent out a “We would love some success stories of the work you’ve done that will encourage other people to want to volunteer for us!” request. (It’s work that potentially results in feel-good stories but does not have human clients whose privacy might be infringed upon by this.) And I think that’s a great way to go about something like this. I’m perfectly willing to write up a paragraph or two, once I think of something suitable, and it makes it clear that they’re looking for more volunteers, so I’ll likely consider whether any of my friends might want to volunteer for this group.

      I would be SO ANNOYED if, instead, I’d gotten an email from a board member telling me that they wanted to accompany me to hit up my friends to try to get them to sign up for a complicated and labor-intensive volunteer opportunity.

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  5. bamcheeks*

    There is a version of this which is much less icky, which is about getting people to think about things like, “hey, my church / nearby Tesco / nearby Rotary Club / wife’s employer does charity collections for named groups every week/month/year– I should find out how we get onto that rotation”. That’s a pretty useful and entirely appropriate thing to get people brainstorming. It is still getting people to think about their personal connections in the context of donations, but it’s looking for existing charity connections and opportunities rather than trying to leverage your actual social connections into donations. Any chance it’s more like that?

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    1. Kay Tee*

      I really hope this is the case, and the enthusiastic coworkers just have some obvious fits that come to mind for them. Like I would be happy to share news about a charity 5K with my run club, and my company has a volunteer committee who highlight a local nonprofit in their monthly newsletter.

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    2. misspiggy*

      Yes, and the physical visits thing is probably to get human contact going and give the people concerned a sense of accomplishment.

      Even with that more positive perspective, it’s a bit odd that staff weren’t given all sorts of caveats about only doing what they’re comfortable with.

      Reply ↓
  6. Cat and dog fosterer*

    Much of my social life outside of work is animal rescue. Asking them for anything would not be well received! The whole thing seems really weird.

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      1. cindylouwho*

        I love the implication here that the commenter is not asking other animal rescue volunteers but rather the animals themselves lol

        Reply ↓
        1. Cat and dog fosterer*

          I hadn’t thought of it that way (I was picturing a bunch of stressed, financially struggling rescuers who rely on online auctions, bake sales, and begging for loose change at official pet store fundraisers), but I really like that! Would it be wrong to have a coworker come to my home and expect them to scrape puppy poop off my floor?

          Thanks to ruthling for the good laugh!

          Reply ↓
    2. Calamity Janine*

      well there’s your problem, you just need to work on your sales pitch! the consultant can help you refine your market and communicate so you can be heard!

      and by that i mean, it’s definitely time to befriend a flock of crows, ravens, or other corvids. then you just get them bringing you things in exchange for food. that’s why you’re proud to present to the company your charitable contributions of… three shiny buttons, a tire valve cap, fifteen different beads from entirely different sources, two interesting pebbles, five missing earrings again from entirely different sources, a screw with matching washer, another screw and another washer that absolutely do not match, and somebody’s spare housekey. oh, and one dollar and seventy five cents entirely in change.

      surely that’s exactly what the company needs, right?! ( / silly )

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        1. LW Hermit*

          LW here! Loving this so much. Gonna turn up at the local rescue place with my colleague along and recruit me a load of rescue cats to spread the word!

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  7. Kate*

    Nonprofits love to make this type of ask! like having staff volunteer at their fundraisers, sell raffle tickets to friends and family etc. I always resented the expectation that I’ll cash in the social goodwill I’ve built up for the benefit of my employer.

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    1. Sloanicota*

      Although TBH I’ve also seen for-profits push employees and families to participate in their walkathons etc which is almost worse. “Make our company look good with your volunteer labor!” is a real look.

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      1. Dawn*

        I used to work for a partly for-profit company that did the same thing. (They had a non-profit side and a for-profit side and I doubt it was even set up legally.)

        If you didn’t donate to or participate in at least two charitable things a month, you lost marks on your performance review, which affected your raise – and they weren’t really paying that much to begin with.

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      2. MtnLaurel*

        I’m ok with that as along as 2 criteria are met: 1. It’s truly voluntary, and 2. the company pays them for the time spent volunteering.

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  8. Goose*

    I’ve run into this a few times on the well meaning side of “who in your network is a *connector*” and “who in your network might be a good fit for *specific opportunity*” but even well meaning it can be annoying. I like to keep my worlds separate.

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    1. HonorBox*

      The “who in your network might be a good fit for specific opportunity” is one that I’m not THAT upset about. If the consultant came in and asked “Does anyone have a contact with a butcher, baker, candlestick maker, because we are looking to engage in business with them for reasons” that’s at least not asking “can you pitch us to your friends.”

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  9. Dawn*

    Halfway through this my mind started screaming “MLM, MLM! PYRAMID SCHEME, RUN AWAY!” so you’re not at all alone in thinking that.

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  10. Funraiser*

    A version of this is pretty common advice for volunteers and volunteer leaders (think board members). The thinking is that affinity for the cause and connection to the organization is more important to cultivate a potential donor relationship than going after random people with donor capacity. (In that context, it’s not bad advice.)

    However, it’s really inappropriate for staff and random social connections. If you don’t have the capital to push back in a big way, just quietly don’t have friends or demur when asked for updates. I recommend reading up on the CFRE (Certified Fund Raising Executive) code of conduct/framework if you want to read more about this topic. It’s an international credential.

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    1. Generic Name*

      Yeah, I’m on the board of a nonprofit, and we’ve been making an effort to be more strategic in our outreach efforts (our target audience is large landowners). Every so often, staff will show the board a map of landowners they are trying to reach out to and they ask the board if we have any connections. Which I think makes a lot of sense for what we do, but I’m a board member, and I signed on knowing I might be asked to leverage my network to further the organization’s mission. Asking staff to bring a coworker to their monthly stitch-n-bitch is intrusive, and asking for contact info of friends and acquaintances is really over the line.

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    2. Ann O'Nemity*

      The chair of the board at my last nonprofit actually suggested that all the board members solicit from their potential *vendors*. This was enthusiastically embraced! There was mixed support for asking personal connections, but those high ranking executives had zero concerns turning the tables on pushy salespeople. “You want to pitch me a 6-figure business solution? Well first you can listen to presentation about a local nonprofit that needs our support.”

      Reply ↓
  11. bunniferous*

    This sounds somewhat like how real estate agents are taught to prospect for leads. While this actually works for real estate or other sales (if you do it properly) it sounds dreadfully inappropriate in this scenario.

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      1. HonorBox*

        There are a few industries where this can work. People will know if they have a friend in the market for new insurance. But that’s more of a straight line between A and B. This puts employees in the position of using those non-work contacts to complete a work job, and that’s not ideal in any way, shape, or form.

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      2. I have some thoughts*

        Your simplest approach here might be quoting UK GDPR law. You’re not allowed to hand over details to an organisation without their explicit consent which you don’t have.

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        1. Ann O'Nemity*

          Signal boosting this comment. Gold!

          If you do not have explicit consent, you cannot simply share the data.

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    2. KaciHall*

      ugh, i used my cousin (of some degree – not actually my parents’ siblings’ kid) as my realtor and I keep getting mail from her about asking my house or in the market for a new house, and since she family, I don’t feel comfortable just saying “stop!”

      Reply ↓
  12. Gudrid The Well-Traveled*

    Also, would these “field trips” be during work hours or outside of work? And if outside of work, how does that tie into British laws regarding pay? This is for down the road if this actually gets implemented as described, but those sort of questions could help turn the plan into something more palatable. And who knows, maybe your coworkers are excited about getting out of the office and stopping by their favorite local bakery and not so much about the sales part.

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    2. LW Hermit*

      LW here – ooh that’s a really interesting question which I hadn’t thought about. I guess it’ll become clearer along the way.

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  13. Mockingjay*

    It’s a problematic approach. Most people’s personal interests and connections likely don’t intersect with the org’s mission in order to provide volunteer support, let alone to have the funds to contribute significantly. (There are many, many worthy causes, but I’m in no way rich enough to support every ask I get.)

    Advice: echoing the suggestions in this thread to interpret the request generally. Mention it once at the book club or other gathering, done.

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    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Agreed. It seems like, among all the other problematic things mentioned here, a total waste of time and resources. It’s almost cold calling; even though the employees will have a personal connection to the person they’re asking, there’s no other connection and no evidence that *any* of these connections will be interested and/or able to support the cause. It wouldn’t be upselling or offering a deal to a past customer who is more likely to buy another related product. It’s just a downright terrible sales tactic, but it would seem to a clueless CEO like a great one because it’ll take a lot of work (of the employees, that is, and of course not the CEO, I’m guessing) and he probably doesn’t have any idea how low the ROI will be.

      If you *really* wanna spend some capital on this, OP, you could mention to someone above you that it doesn’t seem like it’ll actually get many results, but if I were you I’d just follow AAM’s advice and be like, “Oh, my friends? Yeah, I don’t have any. I’ll see if my cats are interested, though.”

      Reply ↓
  14. Librarian*

    Job is job, life is life, and never the twain shall meet. This crosses the line between ethical and unethical for me. If I do share information about an organization I work for, it’s only to people who I think would be interested, not everybody I know.

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  15. Upside down Question Mark*

    showing up with a coworker is real missionary vibes, and wholly unprofessional. signed, an (ex) Mormon missionary

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    1. pope suburban*

      This is absolutely a tactic that would put me off an organization I had previously supported. I don’t like feeling pressured, I see and despise guilt-tripping, and I hate when employers strong-arm their employees into cheapening their own social circles/doing presumably-unpaid work during what should be their own time. I wouldn’t say any of this to the employees, either, except perhaps in passing with sympathy if they seem uncomfortable. I would, however, take it up in strong terms with leadership and the board. It’s beyond the pale and I’m sick of nonprofits exploiting people in the name of their commitment to the mission. I mean, really, if people are passionate about this, they’ll discuss it organically with friends/relatives, and they’ll answer any questions people have about being involved without marching orders to convert everyone by “persuasion.” That’s more than enough for me and it should be more than enough for the organization too.

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      1. LW Hermit*

        LW here. Yes this, 100%. Thinking about it all after a week since writing, it’s the missionary vibes and the guilt-tripping that are making me most uncomfortable.

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  16. samwise*

    Yeah, this is BS. Nonprofits have boards to do this kind of networking and schmoozing and fundraising. If yours doesn’t have a board, maybe the consultant needs to think about that. (Not that you’re going to say so — it’s neither your place nor your obligation to help out this consultant).

    I personally would not say things like, my groups have rules against this, unless they actually do. The more you explain, the more consultant and CEO can push on it. I also wouldn’t lie and say “I don’t belong to any groups” — too easy for someone to catch you out. Stick with a bland, “I’m sorry, I don’t have any groups or connections that would work for this. I’ll let you know if that changes” (totally true — it’s never gonna change)

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    1. Generic Name*

      Exactly! As I mentioned above, I am on a nonprofit board, and I joined knowing that leveraging my network is part of the deal. That’s my (volunteer) job.

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  18. Zona the Great*

    I’m not in a world where this would be even close to normal or appropriate so if I received such a request I’d probably think it was a hilarious joke.

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  19. OrdinaryJoe*

    Don’t overthink it and stress by feeling as if you HAVE to do this :-) Sort of like … “No” is a complete sentence, so is, “Thanks – nothing comes to mind but I’ll keep thinking about it!” Smile, sound cheerful, and then ignore as soon as your out of the meeting. Or, you could always hedge on what you’re actually doing and how much effort. A flier on the church Community Boards for nonprofits or a social media post works and is very low pressure and low commitment.

    Remember, only YOU know how involved you are and what your connections are!

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  20. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    I would also be concerned that they want free labor. After all, you are doing business, especially being the coworker that comes and pitches to the group. That sounds like business outreach that should be paid.

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  21. HonorBox*

    This is (apologies for the very technical term) icky. If the consultant is coming in with the goal of helping the organization expand its work, they should be focused on ways to make that sustainable. Leveraging social connections of employees in the way the LW highlights is not going to be as sustainable as actual fundraising. People can back out for any number of reasons and it is hard to expand business – non-profit or for profit both – with pledges of support that a) can change more easily than a foundation’s support and b) are given under the pressure of social connections.

    This puts employees in a really awkward spot because is using them for their connections, and no one should have to feel awkward attending their next book club or yoga class because they made a pitch to support their work.

    Do as @Looper suggested above. Check into this consultant. Read up on them. Make some calls if you can figure out any businesses they’ve done work for. If the reports are that employees there were put in an icky and uncomfortable spot, you have some data to bring to your boss. And you may get some insight for how to play the best defense against pitching your friends in crochet club on helping your business.

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  22. Guest*

    Nonprofit worker at an org that relies heavily on donations here: I’m very social and wouldn’t be comfortable giving out my friends’ info so my workplace could hit them up for donations. Going to book club, the gym, whatever to pressure people in pairs? Nooooo! This is 100% high pressure and I’m quite surprised at Alison’s response.

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  23. dulcinea47*

    If I were expecting to be meeting up with my knitting group, or book club, or yoga class, and instead someone showed up to try to get money out of me….. I would be very unhappy and unlikely to give them anything. You don’t get to show up and hijack an existing event for your own interests. Maybe you can point out to the higher-ups that this is a huge turnoff for people.

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    1. Artemesia*

      I quit a book club when I was new to an area and had finally found one and then 4 meetings in the leader allowed a member to do a pampered chef presentation. I was out. It is abusive to hijack personal relationships for business especially with a captive audience or aggressively.

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    2. HonorBox*

      Yep. Plus, in order to make a fundraising/support pitch effectively, you need to not catch people off-guard. If I’m rolling out my yoga mat, I’m not in any frame of mind to hear a pitch about supporting someone’s business, charity, community event, etc. And let’s say there’s a potential best case… someone says they may be interested in hearing more. But then you’re going to spend more time preparing for and going to that pitch.

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  24. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    A lot of people are commenting about OP and her coworkers brainstorming. I’m struck by how much the consultant is pushing toward brainwashing.
    In the same way Alison suggests OP treat a variation of the new plan as the true meaning: of course they don’t mean we march into my art class and double team the participants with a plea, I think the consultant means exactly that and it talking fast and furiously to make OP and her coworkers think it is perfectly reasonable and normal to pair up with each other and proselytize the organization’s mission at hot yoga in the park.

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  25. Throwaway Account*

    If I lived there, I would totally volunteer as tribute. By all means, come to my crochet/book/animal/tea group and make your pitch. I’ll tell your coworker exactly what I think of this scheme.

    But the UK is the place where the double-glazing salesman spent a night on the couch bc the homeowners were unwilling to say no to him. He offered/decided to sleep on the couch when they said they wanted to think about it overnight.

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    2. Frieda*

      I cannot imagine. I mean, I can.

      My worst sales experience was someone who was like the third or fourth guy we called to give us a bid on insulation in our attic and where all the other guys spent maybe 20-30 minutes poking around up there, and 10 or 15 talking with me, this guy sat in my actual house for two hours until I said, “I need to leave the house in ten minutes, so.”

      Finally he left. Then he never sent me a bid. Then he texted me weeks later asking if we were still interested because he had some openings that week.

      He also described his wife as “a real mama bear” and I don’t actually need to get into that with people, although it was better than the plumber who made the mistake of complaining to me that his wife, SIX WEEKS POSTPARTUM, wasn’t doing enough cooking and I very firmly said a lot of things in a neutral voice like “that is such an important time for her to rest and care for the baby, so of course you’ll be doing a lot more around the house, it’s just what good partners do, what’s her favorite meal?”

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  26. Nilsson Schmilsson*

    Usually, your Board members are more connected to people with deep pockets. Which is why they are Board members. I think it’s ok to suggest a social media post publicizing your important work, with a link to donate. But your Board and your Development office should be doing the heavy lifting, not staffers.

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    1. OhGee*

      I’ve spent a bunch of my career in fundraising and this is why nonprofit staff hate fundraising consultants. They often have truly bad, unsustainable ideas.

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  27. Sparkles McFadden*

    It’s actually OK that your coworkers are enthusiastic about this because you can let them all go to that and you can say “I’ll just be right here doing…other stuff.”

    Throughout my career (and in regular life too) I practiced something I call “Willful Interpretation.” It’s the same thing as Alison’s advice. I take some person’s ridiculous suggestion and translate it into something sensible that I might actually do and, then I do that (non-crazy) thing. Most of the time, no one actually catches on to this because the “idea people” are notoriously bad with follow-through. If someone does follow through and asks for personal contacts, then it’s unfortunate that your only local social group has a no soliciting policy.

    Reply ↓
  28. Calamity Janine*

    well, my brain kinda ground to a stop in wheezing disbelief at this plan, so count me as another person whose heebies have been jeebied by these tactics.

    i am sure that as a worker at a place that does disability advocacy, you are way ahead of me on this one. but in the very slim chance you aren’t, and for people who may be reading in similar or adjacent situations… please have your antenna up to ping for ableism creeping into the pitch. there’s a lot of it that is accepted widely but nonetheless hurts disabled people in the end, mainly by way of saying “oh, aren’t they so inspirational!”, using disabled folks as mascots, using disabled folks as mascots to further pressure the hard sell, even recruiting disabled people to be doing the sales pitches directly with the idea that they’re more likely to get a donation if they show up being “abnormal” in society so they can induce people to pay to get them to go away again. if the expectation is that you will exploit your social connections for the company’s cash flow… well, it’s not too big of a jump that next up to be exploited are the social connections that your clients have for existing while not perfectly able-bodied. if they really expect you to use your friends and family for business ends, there’s a resource closer to the company that will probably end up just as appealing (to those who have jumped the ethical shark). hopefully this has already been headed off at the pass by corporate policy, and the consultant has already firmly been told that’s against the rules and thus they moved on to this other idea. but if someone’s already pushing on the boundaries of good business ethics for the sake of a sales pitch… it becomes more likely that they’ll be pushing on more than just one singular boundary.

    i will also admit that as someone who is disabled, i am coming to this with my own bias. but it’s my hope that the bias will be useful.

    and hey, if the consultant does push in this dubious direction? it may be the ammo you need against them. the CEO may have a harder time fighting back against “as you can see here we clearly codified this as an ethical line that we would not cross in this mission statement where we outlined Da Rules, and from these articles you can see such ethical lines are best practices and robustly defended with evidence from studies x, y and z…”. it’s much easier to fall in with the idea that is all too common that your job should be your life, and therefore your job should have access to every part of your life (and if it’s a non profit then that goes triple because if you don’t they get to make it into your moral failing! and doubt your commitment to sparkle motion!). the CEO may indeed believe it is their whole life and be on board with that attitude. it’s harder to justify if it becomes the CEO needing to contradict themselves and what they agreed to in the mission statement, as well as what is agreed as industry best practices. most importantly, it’s a way to make the discussion not about you and your failing to believe in the mission hard enough.

    boy howdy do i wish “look out for your clients being exploited as convenient props” was advice that nobody had to give because it would be just too ludicrous to believe! but, uh, unfortunately… yeah… not every disabled person who you see in such a position is this – we are allowed to have agency and choose to do things we believe in. but being used as a source of inspirational stories and then dropped out of society when we need something inconvenient (like to exist as more than an inspirational poster and needing, idk, accomodations, or medical care, or help, or just generally being something more than ornamentation) is a well-established pattern of ableism. now is a great time to be extra diligent about spotting it, and to be extra suspicious of requests inching towards this pattern.

    in conclusion: thanks for joining me for this Cynical Disabled Person Sermon everyone, we now adjourn for coffee and donuts in the fellowship hall,

    Reply ↓
    2. LW Hermit*

      LW here. Yes I know what you mean. It’s “disability porn”: oh aren’t they so brave to you know, live and breathe while having a disability, did you see how they managed to be articulate in that meeting, it’s just amazing, and they’re even married, I admire them so much!
      Othering much?
      Now just on my way to join you for a donut, thank you for this excellent comment.

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    1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

      THANK YOU

      I read this in still silence, with the letters GDPR dancing through my mind.

      There’s “leveraging your network” and then there’s exploitation. Sharing on your personal social media is about the limit of what anybody should be asked to do (and there should not be adverse consequences for declining).

      Reply ↓
      2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Your comment reminds me of the biggest bullet point in our corporate data safety training:
        *YOU
        “the first line of defense in data theft is YOU.
        Social engineering is a tactic that involves convincing you to act against your better interest.”
        If OP pushes back or “creatively interprets” this MLM business model as “think about it” and finds hits a wall of No, I will go with you and explain, then it really is a malicious business practice!

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    3. LW Hermit*

      LW here. Yes it’s not been made at all clear how this might work, and even with a public org like a church say, with public contact details, I wouldn’t hand over the contact details of the woman who helps weed the graveyard who happens to be a friend.
      So one of the questions I will have when these info-gathering meetings take place is just what is expected and what safeguards are in place regarding GDPR – or even basic courtesy.

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  30. Thepuppiesareok*

    This is one of many reasons that my personal policy is I don’t give out anyone’s contact information without their permission.

    Reply ↓
    1. Don't share*

      This is another good argument for OP.
      “People in my group are very private and I feel not comfortable to share details about this group without their consent.”

      Reply ↓
    2. HonorBox*

      Maybe employing the statement, “I’ll share with those in my life who might have interest and connect them with the right person here if they’d like to hear more.”

      You don’t have to expand on that and say that those who might have interest are none of them and that they DON’T want to hear more.

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  32. CubeFarmer*

    Exploiting employees’ personal contacts for professional fundraising? That is a sign of a flailing development person. I doubt that organization is financially healthy.

    Reply ↓
  33. chocolate lover*

    Pigs will fly before I provided that level of information on my personal contacts, much less took a coworker to an event and disrupted the activity to harangue people for money.

    Reply ↓
  34. Hey, I'm Wohrking Heah!*

    I’m contrary, so in addition to most of my contacts not being local I’d say “Oh, 3 people in book club work for { competing org with same mission} and have that group locked down.” Sad face.

    Reply ↓
  35. Time for Tea*

    On the face of it this seems to be a clear GDPR breach which *surely* your organisation would not want to commit…

    Every local (charity) fundraising initiative I’ve been involved with has also had to obtain permission from the relevant body, company, group, etc well in advance to attend any location for fundraising purposes.

    Do please be the voice of sanity generally, and specifically refuse to pass on any contact details at all without a consent form being provided that you can give to all contacts to obtain express permission first to opt in to this. I mean, should they do a consent form I still wouldn’t hit up contacts in any reality, but let them see what they need to do and how crackers they sound.

    Reply ↓
  36. Cupcakes are awesome*

    I agree that this is an outrageous request. However, if push comes to shove and for some reason you are absolutely pushed into doing something like this then join one or two networking groups, where it will be perfectly acceptable to talk about your organization and even solicit volunteers. The plus side is that you’ll meet some new people. You should also ask for event fee reimbursement.

    Reply ↓
    1. Richard Hershberger*

      I don’t get explicit networking groups. Yes, you would meet new people, but they would be hitting you up even as you hit them up. If the networking leads to actual business opportunities for both parties (e.g. referring potential clients back and forth) then this makes sense. If you are there to ask people to volunteer or donate money, they are likely to expect you to return the favor. And just from a social interaction perspective, it sounds hideous.

      Reply ↓
      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Funny! I thought that’s why OP suggested it. A group like this sounds like such a circle of silliness, that adding to it to see if the group would implode was the real reason.

        Reply ↓
  37. Richard Hershberger*

    I am good at what I do. What I do is neither sales nor fundraising. I suck at those. Pity. I could probably make more money doing those. But in this reality, if they try to make me into a salesperson or fundraiser, they will find how bad I am at these. It is a given that they will receive no benefit from the effort. The only question is whether and how much harm would result.

    Delay and deflect. Put your head down and keep it down until this blows over. If pressed, you have no friends in this time zone.

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  38. Yes And*

    This sounds to me like a consultant who needs to earn their outsized fee by coming up with something “outside the box.” It’s the nonprofit equivalent of those career coaches who tell you to bake your resume into a cake or whatever. Just nod and smile through this meeting, and it will likely go the same way as all nonprofit consultant “solutions”: as soon as the consultant’s contract is up, the organization will forget about the whole thing. It’s just a waste of money.

    Reply ↓
    1. Rainy*

      I’m immediately thinking about the many ways that baking your resume into a cake could go wrong. I guess you could have the bakery print it on rice paper to put on top like they do with those cakes with photos, at least it would be edible?

      Reply ↓
        1. Rainy*

          Well, glad I guessed right about how a totally bonkers person would accomplish this. Yikes on bikes.

          Also…she doxxed herself on LinkedIn???!!!??? I hope she changed her phone number and email address, and I especially hope she moved. Holy bad opsec, Batman.

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  39. Rainy*

    Just to let you know, LW, this is definitely not an introvert/extrovert thing–I’m an extrovert, and no way would I even entertain the idea of disclosing any information on my friends and non-work associates to my employer for the purposes of soliciting their money or time “for the cause”.

    You say the people who are on board with this are “more social” but I think they might just be the subset (colleagues(social(unhinged with poor boundaries))). I bet there are plenty of social people in your organization who are suddenly becoming hermits to all outward appearances because this makes them as uncomfortable as it does you.

    Reply ↓
    1. HonorBox*

      I am more extroverted, too. And because of that, I’d be far more uncomfortable with this request. I don’t want to mess up my relationships with people I enjoy socializing with.

      Now a caveat: If this was an explicit requirement, I’d push back on doing this with a colleague, and make it a situation where I’m talking to friends and presenting this as “look at that stupid idea my work suggested.”

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  40. I have some thoughts*

    Your simplest approach here might be quoting UK GDPR law. You’re not allowed to hand over details to an organisation without their explicit consent which you don’t have.

    Reply ↓
  41. Abogado Avocado*

    LW, having worked in a non-profit for a significant portion of my work life, I can tell you that this is the sort of stuff that “development consultants” come up with all the time. The exercise is helpful only to determine if staff have any close relationships with people in the “donor class.” The donor class generally falls into three categories: corporations (usually large) that engage in local philanthropy, people in the upper middle class who devote some disposable income to charitable purposes, or the ultra-wealthy, who usually have private foundations that may have a local focus.

    Any consultant who thinks your org will develop a lasting donor base through the staff’s “friends and family” contacts is, basically, inexperienced or not good at fundraising (or both). As much as we’d all like to believe that small donors can sustain an organization with lots of moving parts, it is a fantasy — as any review of a non-profit organization’s 990 return will show. The consultant is better off focusing on how your org can develop large donors and go after large grants.

    So, please, feel no guilt about following Alison’s advice.

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  42. velomont*

    To me, everything about this screams “inappropriate” and “WTF are they thinking?” If I was in my local coffee joint quietly reading in the corner or chatting with staff, and two people waltzed in to flog their non-profit, that would really annoy me. And if the coffee place didn’t shut it down really quickly I wouldn’t be thrilled with that either.

    It’s a really stupid, bad idea IMHO

    Reply ↓
  43. Snarkastic*

    Love the answer.

    Showing up with a co-worker sounds a lot like the approach I keep getting from a local church. Groups of young women, usually in a pack of three or four, asking if I’d like to come to bible study. They’re always nice and take my “no” well, but this would be super odd to do to friends.

    Reply ↓
  44. Aphrodite*

    I’m not sure it will turn out to be “it will end up being more in the vein of ‘anyone who you’d be comfortable approaching, if anyone’ ” simply because consultants, once hired, have to earn their money and will push and push their agenda that they already sold to the CEO.

    I’m sorry but I loathe even ethical ones, of which I know there are some or many on here.

    Reply ↓
  45. Isabel Archer*

    Just when I think I’ve heard all the possible ways an employer expects employees to leverage their personal lives/hobbies/friends & families to benefit the business…I would 100% be the hermit that Alison advises. A friendless, hobby-less hermit orphan.

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  46. ReallyBadPerson*

    If a friend approached me at yoga class with one of her work colleagues to talk about their company, I’d absolutely not trust that friend anymore, and I’d certainly not support the non-profit.

    Reply ↓
  47. Ellis Bell*

    OP, there’s no need for radical honesty in a situation where you are being asked for your “personal network”. Like, protect your actual book group, favourite cafe, church, yoga class, art group, by just not mentioning them. You can use them as inspiration for other places to mention, however. Contact another local pub or cafe (or whatever type of organisation would be amenable) and refer to it as “my local pub” or “The trendiest coffee place where I live, I see loads of local people there”. Mention “my local community centre which I found when I was looking for yoga classes” (it doesn’t matter that you actually decided to do yoga somewhere else!). Make your introduction to these businesses as a local person, (call them during working hours) but proceed like you would usually, with any business. Even if your company have explicitly said that they’re expanding “beyond businesses”, just be very obtuse on that point: “Oh it’s the most sociable place in my neighborhood actually! The landlord also agreed to let me put something on the noticeboard.” You say you live in a city, which implies you would all live in separate neighborhoods. So, rather than focusing on the personal part of the brief, focus on the geographical one. Use your knowledge of a particular neighborhood without sacrificing anything too personal. As a protection against being asked about friends and individuals simply post something on your socials and just say you’re excited to see who is interested in joining in.

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  48. Snoozing not schmoozing*

    I worked at not-for-profits for decades. Never were staff asked to involve family, friends, or personal connections in fundraising or volunteering – although some would volunteer on their own. Even in the smallest organization of about 12-15 paid staff, we had one part-time dedicated professional fundraiser who hit up the rich people in our area, businesses, and did grant writing. Another person aided funding through memberships of varying levels and also did volunteer recruiting. The rest of us had jobs to support the mission of the organization, plus two facilities/housekeeper staff.

    Reply ↓

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