the questionable drop-off, the kazoo lover, and other tales of carpooling for work

by Alison Green on February 12, 2025

Last week, we talked about carpooling for work, and here are eight of my favorite stories you shared — some heartwarming, some not.

1. The kazoo music

I fondly think of the coworker who, when I offered her the aux cable to play music off her device, looked hesitant and then said, “Look, I need to warn you, there’s going to be a lot more kazoo music then you’d expect.”

2. The trick

I carpooled once with a coworker who lived in my neighborhood. I didn’t even realize he lived near me until he approached me one day and asked if I would like to carpool. Gas was hideously expensive, so I thought why not. The next day, before he dropped me off at home, he swung past his ex-wife’s house. He pulled over to chat with her for a minute and heavily implied that he and I were an item. When he actually took me home after that I told him I would be driving myself in the future.

3. The dog

I carpooled only once. The coworker did not tell me that she would drop her Great Dane at the dog daycare. I could not sit in the passenger seat because apparently that is her husband’s seat (?), and only he can. I should have just said I changed my mind then and there, but no, apparently young me was a glutton for punishment.

I had to sit in the back of the car with the enormous dog, which kept trying to push his muzzle in my face, full force. I asked my coworker to help me, as I was covered in drool, and she told me — seriously, and I’m quoting here — “My husband lets him put his tongue in his mouth; that calms him down.”

I took a taxi to go back home after work.

4. The drop-off

A long time ago, I had a job in an office building in the middle of an industrial park one town over. I had to bus-train-bus every day. One day a coworker offered to drive me to my train station because she passes that way on her way home. That sounded wonderful until we got to the road that the train station was named after and she said cheerily, “Here we are!” Except the train station was nowhere in sight. I asked her where the station was, or even which direction it was and got another cheery, “No idea! But I have to turn here so you better hop out!” (Note she hadn’t even pulled over, she was just at an intersection waiting to turn right.)

Basically I was in the middle of nowhere, no clue where I was, on a busy road with no sidewalks. Luckily I guessed the right direction and after a LOT of walking got to the train station. I never accepted a ride from her again.

5. The morning person

In my first job out of college, I started carpooling with two colleagues, a man about my age and a slightly older woman. It was fine at first, but soon enough the guy drove me bonkers! I, dear reader, am not a morning person, in any sense. But this guy. He never. Stopped. Talking. Usually about fascinating topics, and I often love a good thought-provoking debate, but like – not at 6 am before the first cup of coffee’s kicked in, ya know? He even once printed out a several page article about one of our “lively” morning discussion topics and left it in my mailbox for me later in the day. Thanks, but dude – sun’s not even up yet, and I barely remember my own name. I was at least grateful for the other woman in our carpool who could absorb some of the mental demand of thoughtful interaction at screw-this o’clock in the morning.

Eventually, he and I got opportunities to talk at later times in the day when I was a fully functioning human, and I found out that I actually enjoyed his conversation and company (when I was awake enough to participate.) We got on famously everywhere EXCEPT the early-morning carpool.

20 years later, we no longer work at the same place. However, he’s still a hopeless morning person, and I still have to remind him regularly that, really, I cannot absorb an in-depth analysis on the state of foreign politics before my first cup of coffee. He’s an excellent cook and the kids are adorable, though.

6. The neighbor

I was at the train station one day waiting for my commuter train. It didn’t come when it was due, and after several minutes went by there was finally an announcement that it wasn’t coming at all due to technical difficulties. I was about to call an Uber when a kind-looking woman on the platform told me she was going to drive into the city and offered me a ride.

It was risky because she was a stranger, but I said yes. She began leading me back to her house, and she said, “I just live there on the corner. My dogs have probably barked at you.” And then I realized with dread that she was the Barky Dog Mom. Her dogs have charged and barked at me on numerous occasions, and I’m afraid of them because them seem vicious and an invisible fence is the only thing between them and me (and I don’t completely trust those things). One day I recorded her dogs barking at me. I had no plans of posting it anywhere, and it was honestly because I thought there was a real possibility of them attacking me and I wanted evidence if that happened. She came out of her house and confronted me, telling me that I didn’t need to record it. I’m not proud of my behavior, but I yelled back at her how her dogs were a menace to then neighborhood, and we got into a shouting match.

Fast forwarding to that day at the train station, we didn’t recognize each other because we had been 40 or 50 feet away from each other when that altercation took place. I didn’t know what to do, so I just got in her car and let her drive me. It’s about a 30- or 40-minute drive, so we had plenty of time to talk. She was so nice!! We talked about our jobs, our families, our childhoods … just about everything. Toward the end I finally fessed up, identifying myself as the neighbor who had recorded her dogs and screamed at her, and said that I’d understand if she wanted to kick me out of her car. But she was so cool about it, she said she understood me being frightened of her dogs and didn’t hold grudges. And I said I understood how me taking a video of her dogs would antagonize her and reassured her I had never shared it with anyone. I also promised to delete it, which I later did.

My neighbor and I are on great terms now. She invited me to come over and meet her dogs, and I’m not afraid of them anymore! The next day I sent her some thank-you flowers for giving me a ride to work that day. And for not kicking me out of her car!

7. The problem with time

I carpooled for years with an otherwise lovely colleague who simply could not be on time. No matter what time I asked her to be ready, she would be at least five minutes late. The excuses varied from “I slept in” to “my kids are sick” to “I had to redo my hair.” There was always a reason, an apology, and a promise to do better the next day that would inevitably be broken. This really stressed me out because we worked for a micromanager who hated when employees were late.

She lived about a five-minute drive from my home, so I started texting her “I’m outside” when I was getting ready to leave. She never ever caught on because I was still there before she emerged, with an excuse and an apology and a promise to do better the next day. We carpooled for years.

(No regrets – she paid me in free Starbucks and it was worth it!)

8. The friend

I have a good story! 20 years ago, I had a coworker who lived nearby. Once she asked if I could drive her to work, car issues, no biggie. She wanted to pay me something for gas but since it was truly on the way I said, “Nah, maybe save me a couple cookies next time you make some” (she did).

Some time later there was a road construction project that made a good part of the commute a real PITA. My wife got tired of hearing me gripe about it and said why don’t you and Tammy (real name) carpool? So we started carpooling for the next year or two until I moved. And we LOVED it. We switched off every day or two, saved money on gas, and would gab about all kinds of things … fav foods and cooking usually. Having someone to talk to made the lousy parts of the commute go by much easier. Tammy, if you’re out there, I hope you’re doing well!

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{ 154 comments }

{ 154 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Juicebox Hero*

    Wait… how does the husband snog the dog if he’s in his sacred front seat and the dog is in the back?

    Why do I have a brain that wonders about stuff like this?

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      1. Antilles*

        Yeah. A fully-grown Great Dane can reach up to 4 ft or more in length, which can certainly reach the front seat from the back seat.

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      2. allathian*

        Eww indeed. I hate the idea of exchanging body fluids with any animal, but well trained Great Danes are lovely dogs.

        They’re huge, a male can stand 3 ft at the shoulder and weigh 200 lbs. A friend had one of those, and when he got home from work, the dog would stand on his hind legs and put his front paws on my friend’s shoulders in a doggie hug.

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        1. allathian*

          But the dog was very well trained and never attempted to hug anyone else. And the teen kid in the family regularly took the dog for walks, because he was so good on the leash. Sure, the dog was twice as heavy as the kid who wouldn’t have had a chance of holding him if he got spooked, but a large, well trained and untraumatized dog doesn’t spook easily.

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      3. Justme, The OG*

        I have a St Bernard. Weighs more than but is shorter than most Danes. Mine is ginormous. Nobody could share the back seat with him from 9 months of age. If he wanted to lick the driver he could.

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      4. Union nerd*

        I have a 60 lb dog and he likes to sit on the back seat while resting his head on the passenger seat next to the head rest. If he can manage to be that close to a passenger’s head then a larger dog could easily get to snogging distance.

        LW’s situation is so gross that I’d really struggle to spend time with that person in future. I don’t tolerate my own dogs drooling on me (they get told to go away for a bit if they are slobbery) and would be very unhappy in that situation.

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      5. Strive to Excel*

        That dog is probably big enough to be able to stick its head out of the window and lick the drivers of neighboring cars, let alone the passenger!

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    3. PercyJax*

      I LOVE my dogs. Like, borderline obsessed with them. And I cringed SO HARD at that line. You know it’s bad when even the dog fanatics among us know that that behaviour (both letting your dog stick their tongue in your mouth and encouraging other people to do so) is completely bananapants.

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      1. cat herder*

        My husband does this with our best friend’s dog (a lab). Dog LOVES it, best friend and I are grossed out to high heavens, but Husband IS kind of bananapants (in a silly, childlike way). It’s beige flag relationship behavior to me, so oh well, mouthwash after and I’ll allow it. (Maybe I, too, am bananapants?)

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        1. another cat person*

          …all these weirdo dog people are making me feel a lot more normal for knowing that 2 of our cats have loved licking human earwax (in my defense, it was not an intentional discovery! just you scratch your ear and then all of a sudden they’re interested in your finger!).

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          1. Dog and cat fosterer*

            Dogs and cats are obsessed with ear wax. Even skittish cats and dogs who refuse regular treats. I learned this because one of the first steps to becoming friends is to give them a good scalp and ear massage, and they often relax if I massage a bit into their ears. If I got close to their nose then they’d perk up and want to lick my fingers. Now I do it as part of the plan, because they all want to lick their earwax. I haven’t met a dog or cat who doesn’t love it, though I don’t do it very often.

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          2. Zona the Great*

            Mine spend the early hours trying to dig my earplugs out of my ear. It disturbs me both emotionally and physically.

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          3. Tired Social Worker*

            One of my cats insists on being held over my shoulder like a baby. He then attempts to shove his tongue down my ear canal. It sounds like the vacuum from Teletubbies. It’s surprisingly difficult to disengage a very determined 12lb cat.

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          4. Elizabeth West*

            That reminds me of a story in a collection of spooky legends, etc. that I read as a kid (and have a copy of) — there was a guy who severely disliked cats and he went to visit friends who had one. Well, the guy had a cold, and he put some kind of medicinal oil on his chest before he went to sleep. He woke up to a pain in his side, blood ALL over his sheets and pajama top, and the cat there with him in the bed. Screaming ensued . . . the house was in an uproar.

            The next day, he was demanding the demise of the “horrid animal.” Of course the people didn’t want to put their pet down, but they couldn’t understand why the kitty had done what he did. They finally found out their guest had put on the medicine oil, and *LIGHT BULB* Apparently, the cat loved the taste of it and had licked him raw right through his PJ top.

            Everyone laughed like hell, except the guy, who was probably freaked out for the rest of his days. Anyway, the story ended something like “And for the rest of his happy life, Blackie had no idea that, for a little while at least, he had been a vampire.”

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    4. FMNDL*

      I’ve only owned a car once for a couple of years. It was a small SUV and when I moved to the city I sold it to a man with a motorcycle who wanted to be able to take his Great Dane to the vet and the dog park. I hope they loved the car (and didn’t also try to carpool)

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    6. LaurCha*

      This reminds me: I once knew an enormous black Great Dane named Elvis. I saw him delicately stick his tongue in a little cream pitcher on a tea tray and slurp the whole thing empty. It was icky but also extremely impressive.

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          2. Annie*

            yeah, I watched about 10 seconds of each of those kazoo videos and that was too much. I would’ve had to thrown the guy out of the car.

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    3. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      I would demand kazoo music at that point. I wouldn’t ever expect it, but after that? I need it.

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    6. noncommitally anonymous*

      I’m not saying I wouldn’t be interested to hear kazoo music or even potentially enjoy it, but it would not be expected.

      Now I really want to make a “Nobody expects the kazoo music!” joke.

      Reply ↓
  3. Pastor Petty Labelle*

    #1 – not gonna lie, I kinda like how the coworker warned about the kazoo. Given the politeness I would still have given it a try.

    #5 is adorable. Awwwwwwwwww. But yeah married to a morning person too. He loves to say “morning sunshine” then start singing “its a brand new day.” I give him the finger often in the morning. things get better later in the day.

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      2. The Wild Fergus (pantalonicus bananensis)*

        OP5 here. We have, delightfully, produced one child who shares my husband’s early-bird proclivities. The two of them entertain each other while the rest of us sleep on in blissful peace!

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    2. Beth*

      My wife is a morning person. She makes me espresso and hands it to me when I get out of bed, and does not start complicated conversations until later. She is the absolute best and I’ve got her and nobody else does, nya nyah.

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      1. Elizabeth West*

        I need a husband like this. I can’t do anything first thing in the morning. I set everything coffee-related up the night before, even on weekends.

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    3. Artemesia*

      my husband is married to the morning person — we met in a grad dorm where luckily we met when I sat down next to him at dinner because a girl I knew was across from his friend. Instant attraction. In the morning though he would be hunched over a cup of coffee facing the wall — luckily that was not when I met him.

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    4. Drago Cucina*

      One reason I’ve been happily for more than 40 years is my husband, the morning person, quietly gets up makes his coffee and breakfast. On Saturdays, when our children were young it was a Saturday morning routine for him to take them out for pancakes. Mom slept in.

      He did have to learn early on that when he left work at 5 am, don’t try and tell me anything of importance.

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      1. SMP*

        I’m the morning person and got up with our kids for years. When our youngest was 5, I was sick so my husband got up with him. My son just couldn’t fathom where I was and how his dad was going to make breakfast.

        He makes up for it now by picking up our teenagers late at night when I am sound asleep.

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    5. swingbattabatta*

      My husband is a morning person (and I very much am not). He’s wonderful on the weekends – is already up when the kids get up, has his coffee and makes pancakes and hangs out while I get to sleep in. And then he gets to take a nap later in the day while the kids and I go run around.

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    6. Lenora Rose*

      I know it’s not the one you mean, but my brain went to Dr Horrible’s Sing-along Blog, which would be the song the NON-morning person starts singing back:

      “It’s a brand new day
      and the sun is high
      all the birds are singing
      that you’re gonna die…”

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    2. Goldenrod*

      The twist was amazing!

      Also, I think the LW of #5 should submit that to the NYT as one of their condensed love stories.

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    3. I guess my entire company was the real work wife the whole time.*

      ohhhhh, I didn’t know what you meant until someone below said that they got married. I just assumed they ended up including school drop-off in their carpooling activities.

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  5. Good Fences make Good Neighbors*

    The invisible fence probably made the dogs as nervous as it made you – hence the barking and lunging. They couldn’t cross it, but people could, with impunity. She really needed a real fence, for both of your sakes.

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  6. Antilles*

    #7 is a solid strategy, I’m just honestly surprised that it worked if you really had a tight arrive on time deadline at the end (micromanaging boss).
    When I’ve tried similar strategies, it’s usually failed because the person who’s constantly late like that has never been consistent amounts of lateness. Sometimes they’ll be five minutes late because they hit the snooze once before rolling out of bed, but other times it’ll be completely losing track of time and 20 minutes late since they haven’t even showered or gotten dressed or etc yet. And very occasionally, they might be fully on time, in which case the “I’m outside text” plan gets figured out pretty quickly because I’m actually not there yet.

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    4. The Wild Fergus (pantalonicus bananensis)*

      OP5 here: Hahaha, yes – I’m now Mrs Morning Person. Apologies for the confusion! :)

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    5. I guess my entire company was the real work wife the whole time.*

      Thanks for making this explicit. I didn’t get it at all.

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  9. Texan in Exile*

    “My husband lets him put his tongue in his mouth; that calms him down.”

    And this is where I threw up just a little.

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    3. Goldenrod*

      As a huge dog lover, most of the time when people write in about dog-related work issues on this site, I think, awwww, that wouldn’t bother me.

      Not this time.

      Reply ↓
  10. aunttora*

    Ugh re #7 – I briefly carpooled with someone who worked in my office, same hours. We both lived across water (ferry ride) from the city. We didn’t live super close to each other, but her house was just a few miles out of my way from my house to the dock. It was a good move economically because parking at the ferry terminal was expensive and sometimes unavailable. I always drove, and I’d ALWAYS be at her house on time, even usually early. She was NEVER on time. This was incredibly stressful, because due to leaving her house late we’d get to the parking lot as they were “last calling” the boat, meaning we’d have to sprint the hundred yards or so to get on before they shut the gate. She actually LOVED that, I did not. If we missed it, it was 40 minutes to the next one. Her boss was pretty forgiving, but in my role it didn’t go over well. In hindsight she was just not a very considerate person.
    Years later another coworker who traveled a lot told me that unless you missed 10% or so of your flights, you were getting to the airport too early. This mindset is just baffling to me.

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    1. PostalMixup*

      What?! I have never once missed a flight, and I have never once considered arriving at the airport later than I currently do. If I do not have time for an unexpectedly long TSA line and also an unexpectedly long line for caffeine and also a bathroom stop, then I don’t have enough time. But maybe that’s a Type A/me problem.

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      1. Chelle*

        I’m also type A, but I’m a person who likes to cut it a little close at the airport and I’ve never missed a flight either. If no bags are being checked, my goal is to arrive at my gate exactly as they’re starting the boarding process, which in practice means I have 10min of wiggle room. I became this way after three years of flying three weeks out of each month for work, which got me a) TSA PreCheck and b) a finely honed sense of how long the process takes for me, at a medium sized non-hub airport. I live 10min away and leave my house 30min before boarding.

        This gives my friends with airport anxiety a lot of stress

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    2. Tobias Funke*

      I dated the flight-missing guy! It was terrible. (The flight-missing and the relationship.) I’m sure 93275239742309 people are going to come yell at me about what diagnosis he might have had and why I am ableist for wanting to get on the plane that I booked and planned for and paid for, actually. But I have a hard time seeing that behavior as anything but selfishness and the childlike belief in other people not actually being real and instead just being one dimensional characters in their play of life.

      Also, the airport isn’t…great? But it’s not the worst thing in the world. Get some kind of beverage and/or sustenance and read a fking book/watch a fking show/contemplate the universe/count what team’s gear you see/notice where other flights are going…do literally anything.

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      1. MigraineMonth*

        I’m not sure following how missing one’s flight is an indicator of sociopathy? Unless he was making you miss your flight or causing you anxiety and not caring about that, I guess.

        I confess, I may be biased: I missed a couple of flights when had to travel for work (because I’m not at my best after multiple 12+ hour work days and messed up, not as an actual strategy).

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        1. Lenora Rose*

          “wanting to get on the plane that I booked and planned for and paid for, actually.” pretty clearly indicates Tobias Funke’s ex did indeed make THEM miss flights.

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    3. Antilles*

      Years later another coworker who traveled a lot told me that unless you missed 10% or so of your flights, you were getting to the airport too early. This mindset is just baffling to me.
      What exactly was he doing with the extra time?
      If you’re flying on a given day, that already basically dictates your day. If anything, that extra 30 minutes is probably just you delaying leaving to watch another episode of Netflix or on your phone or whatever…which you could also just leave earlier and then do at the airport just as well.

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      1. noncommitally anonymous*

        I was once giving a coworker a life to the airport for an international flight. We were already running late when she suddenly remembered a task she HAD to do before leaving, sat down, and proceeded to balance her checkbook. Not write checks for bills – balance her checkbook. This was in 2012. She made the flight by the skin of her teeth. I never gave her a ride to the airport again. It was too stressful for me.

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    4. Caller 2*

      I missed a flight once in my early 20s – one of the very first times I was travelling on my own to an airport. Luckily it was just a jump from London to Dublin and there were frequent low-cost options so I was fine, but never again. I had to sleep on the floor of Stansted airport and go in to work the next day. I would rather not have to repeat the experience.

      The feeling of getting to your gate with time to spare for a coffee or a drink is pretty nice.

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      1. Elizabeth West*

        I missed one once during March Madness/spring break. This resulted in an abnormally long line, which was compounded by other factors (for some reason they were going more slowly than usual even for that time). I got to my gate right as the plane door shut. :(

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    5. Artemesia*

      My husband and I tussled for years over airport arrival times. Then we visited his folks and i said ”’we need to leave at 1 to make our plane’ and he said ‘oh 2:30 is plenty of time. So there we are in a parking lot on the toll road from South Bend to Chicago on our way to Midway — we head for the ground and go stop sign to stop sign across south Chicago. And the adrenaline has kicked off my kidneys and I MUST stop. We pull into a gas station and I ask for the rest room and they say ‘well there is a toilet in the back room’. It is open no door and a place for mops and stored oil and such. And I didn’t care. Pissed. Off we go. Drop rental car and run for the plane which is at the furthest terminal and my husband realizes he still has the car keys — he gives them to a guard with some money to return the. Guess he did as we never heard from the rental company. Got on the plane with them closing it on our butts and an uncharacteristically nasty SW agent. Grabbed las two seats by the restroom in back and he turns to me and says ‘see we made it.’

      Now we spend hours of useless time in airport gate lounges; we are luckily readers; have never come close to missing a plane again. that was our last argument about it.

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      3. Claire*

        When my cousin and her husband travel together, they each go to the airport on their own and sometimes even take separate flights. Keeps them from having these arguments.

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    6. Guacamole Bob*

      I have heard that rule of thumb for flights, though 10% is far too high. I think it really only applies to frequent work travel, though. If you’re in the kind of job where you’re taking 4+ flights a week, then if you never miss a flight (due to long lines, a delayed shuttle, whatever) then you probably are spending an awful lot of time hanging out at the airport instead of sleeping or interacting with clients or whatever else you could be doing, and maybe you need to adjust your risk tolerance a little. The business expense trade off of the traveler’s time versus the occasional extra ticket is in favor of cutting down a bit on airport waiting time.

      That attitude really doesn’t translate to an individual who has bought expensive flights for a highly anticipated vacation.

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      1. Antilles*

        Even in that case, I’d argue it depends on why you’re missing flights.
        Missing an evening flight home because you were spending time with the client all afternoon and ended up rushing to the airport feels much more understandable than if you’re missing morning flights from the hotel (or our home city) and just didn’t get moving or failed to include time for normal traffic.

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      2. umami*

        This isn’t really a carpool story, but the first time I flew it waws to go to my MOS school (so Virginia to Indianapolis). I was … young and naive, and didn’t realize I would need to arrange for transportation from the airport to the base. So I stood there after getting my C-bag off the carousel, wondering what to do next, when an older couple saw me and asked if they could do me the honor of giving me a ride to base. I was so relieved! Since then, I have been obsessive about figuring out the best route to and from whatever airport I’m going to be at.

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      3. Six for the truth over solace in lies*

        Yeah, my FIL is in sales, and he used to regularly spend more time away on work trips than at home. LOTS of flights. For him it made sense: trimming even fifteen minutes each way off of dozens of round-trips added up fast, and rescheduling a flight lacked stress for him because he was so familiar with the airlines and their policies, had access to MVP lines with better rescheduling options, etc. And also because of the frequency of the flights, he had an excellent sense of which airports were slow, when they were likely to be clogged up, how far the gate was, etc.

        But, notably, he never did it when flying with others. Just when it was him taking the risk.

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      4. L.H. Puttgrass*

        Plus, if you’re flying that often you probably have sufficient frequent flyer status to get booked on another flight that’s not too far in the future. I think I missed a flight or two back in my traveling consultant days, and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. But that’s because I flew enough that the airlines made sure it wasn’t that big of a deal.

        For those frequent flyers, the math on missing a flight now and then works out. If you can shave an hour off of your waiting time for every flight, but you might have to wait an extra couple of hours for one flight out of ten, you’re still getting 8 hours back for every 10 flights.

        But that only works for very frequent travelers.

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        1. MigraineMonth*

          Or, if you’re traveling for work, it’s just a business expense.

          I worked for a company that had a punishing 75% travel schedule for one role, where you were often expected to work 12-hour shifts when you arrived at your destination and then go back to your hotel, order room service and keep working. If there was an urgent issue, you had to be working the issue, not getting to the airport with adequate time. I imagine the company paid for plenty of missed flights, but that was the workload they chose to give their employees.

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    7. LoraC*

      Oh man, now I have a combo carpool-airport story. When I was in college, I didn’t have a car but a friend from my hometown did. During our first winter break, I decided to carpool with her to the airport together since we’d catch the same flight.

      The flight from out university was our of a tiny airport with no lines, so it was fine to arrive like 20 minutes before. The flight back was at a major international airport with obviously long holiday lines. I remember arriving an hour early and wondering where she was. If she missed the flight, I’d have to call a taxi back on my own or wait for her to arrive on the next flight to carpool back together. So texted her and she’d just left the house! The airport was 50 minutes away from our hometown without traffic!

      Luckily the flight was delayed and she made it just as they we were lining up to enter the plane and was annoyed that I’d rushed her.

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    8. Hlao-roo*

      I think 10% is way too high (though I do appreciate Guacamole Bob’s take and think some % makes sense for a frequent work traveler) but I can explain the mindset a little bit. The first part is that a lot of people think waiting is boring. Most people will minimize the boredom by reading books, playing phone games, etc. and think that boredom is an acceptable price to pay to not be stressed rushing to catch the boat/plane/train. For some people though, the rushing isn’t stressful, it’s exciting! (I am not one of these people by the way. But some of my friends are and I have asked them about this.) To them, sprinting to the ferry gates or rushing to the airport is like a roller coaster. “On my way to catch the boat, weeeee!” And when/if they make it, there’s a big “made it in the nick of time” endorphin rush.

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      1. MigraineMonth*

        I once arrived with plenty of time, got absorbed in a book and missed a flight *while waiting at the gate*. I now set alarms on my phone for boarding time in addition to getting to the airport.

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      2. different seudonym*

        I’ve heard the inverse too, that for some folks long waits are not just tedious but unbearable, like phobia-level awful. As an hours-early person, I find this hard to imagine, but I think they’re telling the truth.

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    9. Lexi Vipond*

      I kind of get the ferry one – if you spend 10 minutes hanging about about the terminal every day that’s about 3.5 hours of ‘wasted’ time a month, while a minute most days and 40 minutes once or twice a month would be less than half of that. But it depends a lot on whether it matters exactly what time you get t0 the other side (and also on not missing it more often!)

      I don’t fly enough for the airport one to make sense to me, but I suppose you could be in a situation where it did.

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    10. Shellfish Constable*

      The whole premise of this thread is giving me a vicarious panic attack.

      Signed, someone who arrives at the airport* 2-3 hours early

      *Public service announcement: if you ever fly out of MIA you should get there early, too

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      1. Bumblebee*

        Me too, re: the panic attack. I prefer to be through security at least an hour before my flight. This was more fun when I was younger and drinking a latte in the airport seemed glamorous, but even now that everything is terrible I’d still rather wait in the airport than worry about being late.

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      2. Elizabeth West*

        I’m like this too. I can amuse myself in the airport for quite a while. It beats trying to wind down after freaking out when I think I’m going to miss a plane.

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    3. Six for the truth over solace in lies*

      I had heard that wolves (for instance, in rehab situations) will try to stick their muzzles in the mouths of humans in imitation of their own social play, so I was envisioning that. Wolf rehabbers generally don’t *let* them, though, it’s more like something they’ll warn visitors about.

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  12. Another Morning Person*

    Please tell me I’m not the only one who finished #5 and just thought, “Oh, how nice that OP and chatty morning coworker have kept in touch enough all these years for them to know that he’s a good cook and has cute kids!”

    Read the rest of the stories (also loved the Barky Dog Mom one because it shows how people have layers), and something was nagging at the back of my mind, so I went back and read #5 again and twigged!

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    2. Analystical Tree Hugger*

      Same! It took me several moments to figure it out (even with the line about kids).

      Brilliantly subtle, LW5.

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    3. Pastor Petty Labelle*

      I had to read it about 5 times before it sank in. So I have said that in order for others to feel less embarrassed at how long it took them to get it.

      Fun fact, it took me almost 40 years to realize that my morning person husband took the long way home from school on his bike to go past my house not because he liked the baseball games we had going in the backyard when we were kids but because he liked me specifically. I am officially the slowest on the uptake person on the planet. May you all feel better.

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      1. FunkyMunky*

        haaaa! my then friend/now husband apparently had a crush on me, too
        it takes a while, like as long as a giraffe’s neck lol

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      2. umami*

        Yeah, my spouse somehow always bumped into me in a common area on campus, and I honestly thought it was random, not that his office overlooked that area and he would see me lol!

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      1. linger*

        Wait, was that actually OP5? I thought that was just another commenter explaining #5 using the ending quote from Jane Eyre. (Famous enough that it was once parodied in a short story “Love Among The Cannibals” as “Reader, I marinated him!”)

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    7. boof*

      I read it over a few times and was debating whether to ask “so… are you saying married* with children now??” *or social equivalent

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    8. I guess my entire company was the real work wife the whole time.*

      I didn’t get it even when someone said there was a twist ending. I was like, “I guess including school drop-off in the car pool is *sort* of a twist, but not really?”

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    1. Discombobulated and Tired*

      OP #4 here: she was absolutely a bubblehead. An otherwise lovely coworker, but she’d heard me saying I take the bus to [train station name], thought “oh, I drive on a road called that” and assumed it was all the same thing. She’d never taken public transit in her life, and it showed.

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      1. Caller 2*

        I had something similar (but not quite as bad) happen to me. I took two trains and two buses (or two long walks) each way for that commute and a coworker offered to give me a lift that meant I could skip the first bus and train home. She ended up dropping me in a parking lot quite far from the train station, and the rush hour traffic meant that the amount of time we spent driving was actually a bit longer than the amount of time I’d have taken to get to the station anyway.

        Another time a different coworker kindly offered to drive me all the way home and it turned out that the traffic would get so bad at rush hour that it was actually usually faster to take my two trains and two buses – and I could just chill out and read and listen to music instead of stress about traffic.

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    3. Ana Gram*

      Reminds me of the time my friend and I were on vacation. We’d flown to another state to go to a concert and made a weekend of it. We decided to meet up with an old coworker of hers prior to dinner and he was nice. Offered to drive us to the stadium where the concert was which was lovely. When he realized how bad the traffic was, he stopped on an overpass about 3/4 mile from the stadium and told us we could walk. We just…didn’t get out of the car. He ended up driving us pretty close but that was the end of their friendship. It was an awkward ride.

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    4. Anon Architect*

      I had a boss who was born, raised, and still lived in a posh suburb of town, and wouldn’t take public transit if you paid him.
      We happened to have a project in that suburb, and were headed down for a late-afternoon meeting. He waited until we’d been in his car, on the freeway for about 10 minutes before he informed me that he was just going to go straight home after the meeting, and I could take the bus back to the office.
      Now, I took transit to/from the office on a regular basis, but I was dressed for our meeting (heels, not commuting sneakers), had left my bus pass at my desk because it was in my backpack (not the small wallet I was taking to the meeting), and the posh suburb had one of those lines that ran about once an hour, in an era before smartphones.
      Luckily I was able to talk him into driving me back to the office, but that was quite the moment of panic for me, and very on-brand for him.

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  16. Dust Bunny*

    The Great Dane one is gonna give me nightmares.

    OP1: A coworker wanted music for a presentation and forgot her flash drive, so I let him borrow the one I use in my car, with the firmly-stated warning that the first several folders were organized by decade and he should be careful to get folder six–1980s pop– and not folder 7–1990s–or else he would open his session with P.J. Harvey screaming “50-FOOT QUEENIE!”, which would have been . . . memorable, I guess.

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  20. CubeFarmer*

    The getting dropped off in the middle of nowhere story reminds me of a time when I was a funeral for a close colleague’s father-in-law. I had taken the train and the funeral home was close to the train station. The family asked everyone to accompany them to cemetery, and a fellow funeral attendee offered to give me a ride there. Fine, that’s very nice of you.

    Once the service concluded, the guy said that he was going to the family’s house, so he couldn’t drive me back to the train station, and I was miles away from the train station, down small-town roads. The crowd quickly dissipated. He essentially stranded me at the cemetery. I managed to find the name of a local cab company (this was years before Uber,) and was able to get a cab to pick me up. IIRC I texted Google (remember when you could do that?) because fortunately I had a cell signal.

    My colleague heard the story and she was pissed at this guy for leaving me. As I get older, the less funny and more strange I find it. You offer to give someone a ride THERE, but then you renege on the ride back, leaving someone in an unfamiliar area by herself with no sure way of getting back.

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    1. Lana Kane*

      This happened to me but fortunately I knew where the train station was. I had to go to an offsite location for work for a week, and I carpooled with 2 other coworkers who live near me. On one of those days, another coworker asked if we wanted to go out for drinks after work. I said I had to get home to my kid, but the other 2 went “Sure!” And I just kinda stood there until the other passenger kind of woke up and said “Oh Lana, is that ok with you?” I was newish to the team so I just said it was ok, I’d take the train. Which was a mile walk, and the commute on the train was an hour long. I still work on the same team and I haven’t forgiven the driver – she should have known better. (Also she’s kind of an insufferable know-it-all so it’s easy to hold the grudge! I’m not convinced she didn’t know what she was doing.)

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  22. Drive Me Crazy with Melissa Joan Hart*

    I have always wondered if I was the unreasonable one in this scenario. Around 2007ish I had a commute from Chicago to Oakbrook Terrace, which is about 1.5 hours in traffic. Looked for a carpool on Craigslist and found this guy who worked nearby. He even belonged to the same gym I did in the burbs. So, we decided first carpool I would pick him up. Except, he told me he would rollerblade to the gym and work out but I could get him there. Except, he got out earlier than me so I would not be able to work out … annoying. I decided to try it out anyway because there was a gym in my office building albeit much smaller with less equipment that I could use at my lunch.

    anyways first day, he comments a lot on my driving behind a truck (traffic was thick, moving was pointless as we were about to get off) and he was like I just can’t believe you’re driving behind this truck for so long. Sir, who gives a shit there are trucks everywhere. Drop him off, go to work, pick him and his stupid roller blades up.

    Then he reveals that when HE drives he expects me to drive and find a parking spot in his area instead of having him pick me up, because he was “on the way” to the expressway and I was not. I was not at ALL far from him or the X-way. I was like the whole point of carpooling? Is to not drive on those days at all, let alone park in a risky spot (he recommended a parking lot with very strict out times that wouldn’t work with unpredictable traffic plus, again, why do I have to drive every day?) He acted like I was CRAZY for wanting him to go slightly out of his way (I guess?) to get me on his days. I am still annoyed by him years later but maybe I am the crazy one? Quinn wherever you are I still think you suck.

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    1. Jessastory*

      he was crazy to expect you to pick him up and not return the favor, at least without prior negotiations. just plain inconsiderate of him.

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    2. Antilles*

      Him commenting on the driving is ridiculous. Unless I ask for your opinion or you’re warning me about an imminent danger, keep your opinions to yourself. Frankly, I might have started looking for a new carpool buddy right then and there because no I’m not dealing with this for 1.5 hours (each way?) several times per week.
      The commute thing in this case is also ridiculous. There are scenarios where I’d think it’s reasonable (e.g., if him traveling backwards to grab you added a significant time and his place had plenty of free parking). But in a scenario where you have to leave your car in a parking lot with strict in/out times? Nope, that’s absurd, spend the extra 10 minutes round-trip buddy.

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    4. Hlao-roo*

      No, you’re not the unreasonable one. Putting up with picking him up at the gym and not getting time to workout is probably worth putting up with for the sake of carpooling. But putting up with that and with him commenting on you driving behind a truck (what?) and putting up with him wanting you to drive to his place on his driving days (maybe OK) where you don’t have a great parking situation (scratch “maybe OK,” definitely not OK)? Entirely too much to put up with.

      He’s basically saying “my schedule will stay the same, the only change is half the days I will be chauffeured and half the days I will do my usual routine with an extra person in the car” meanwhile you were expected to change many parts of your routine for the sake of this carpool. That’s a bad deal for you.

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  23. Sentra*

    I offered to carpool with someone in my last DnD campaign because they lived close by. I had to drive 40 minutes home, drop work stuff, grab DnD stuff, go pick them up, drive 40 minutes to DnD, play DnD, drive them home, drive me home. I had to practically beg them to meet at my place instead of me picking them up so I would have five extra minutes to grab food. They didn’t have a car, so I was the only one who could give them a ride (another player offered, but only if they could meet a subway stop and they wouldn’t/couldn’t do that). The car rides were super awkward too because they wouldnt talk much and insisted on sitting in the backseat, so i just felt like a free Uber driver (they never offered to pitch in for gas or tolls). The entire process caused me so much stress I nearly dropped out of the campaign entirely instead of just saying no to driving them.
    Then one night, my car stalled out at a stop light on the way back to their place. The other player just went, “well, I live a block from here, so see ya!” and left me and my stalled car in the middle of the street. I had to wave people around my car myself while trying to figure out what to do. Thank God my car started again when I tried it a few minutes later. I drove right home, then took it to a shop the next day.
    I sent the other player a message rescinding my offer of carpooling on account of my car not being able to handle it. The player joined sessions remotely until the campaign died.

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    1. Ann O'Nemity*

      For a while, I used to get a ride from someone who listened exclusively to Kenny G. Every. Single. Day. I would have gladly listened to the kazoo or the bagpipes for variety’s sake.

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  26. Dr. Rebecca*

    Haven’t finished reading yet, but had to drop down to say: what the fuuuuuuck was up with #4???That’s so randomly hostile!!

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    1. Hlao-roo*

      OP#4 commented as Discombobulated and Tired to provide a bit more context in a reply to PieAdmin upthread. The short version is “thoughtless, not intentionally malicious.”

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  27. umami*

    Aww #5! That is cute, and so much me and my spouse – he wakes up ready to debate. He doesn’t understand how I have bandwidth for the dogs in the morning but not him. Because the dogs don’t talk back! :)

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    1. IHaveKittens*

      My husband and I are just the opposite. Back when we were dating, I tried to reach him early one morning from the train station and he gently said “My heart hasn’t even started beating yet.” 20 years later and I still have to wait until he has consumed at least one large mug of coffee before I try to engage him in any conversation.

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      1. umami*

        I wish coffee would do it! I just need … time to human. We started off as running buddies and would meet at 5 am to run, and my rule was that he couldn’t speak to me until 3 miles in. And then he would literally word-vomit the rest of the time lol!

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  29. IHaveKittens*

    Aww, #5 and #6 were just what I needed to defrost my cold, cynical heart. I love the twist on #5! So cute! I hope all are doing well.

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    2. RCB*

      Exactly my thought too, they were a good reminder that people are a lot more than the little snippets of annoying that we first see of them and given the chance to know them better we’d probably really get along great.

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      1. Zona the Great*

        My fav story from a colleague is when she met her now husband at work. He struck up the first convo by saying, “my, you’re a thirsty woman”. And she laughs at how stupid that first line was.

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  30. A Hopeless Romantic*

    Call me a hopeless romantic, but I always like seeing the “Reader, I married him*” anecdotes.

    *Find/replace correct pronoun as necessary.

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  34. Undine Spragg*

    Oh, I have two casual carpool stories!

    Prior to the pandemic, in the SF Bay Area, there was a “casual carpool.” (I don’t know its status now.) People would line up at designated pickup points in the East Bay, and cars would pull over and pick them up. The drivers got to go through the carpool lane and skip the bridge tolls, and the riders got a ride. It only worked in the mornings, because people were more clustered at the pickup points.

    The first time I did it, I admit I was kind of nervous. Driving in a car with strangers! What would it be like? I got in the back of a car and another woman got in the front seat. Every one seemed nice. There was perhaps a bit of chat and then suddenly the woman in the front seat said, “Are you the judge who …?” And the driver, a woman, said, “You’re the reporter who …!” I felt a lot better about being picked up by strangers after that.

    There was an unwritten rule that the driver picked the radio, if any, and mostly they played music quietly. (Also, if there was music, it meant they didn’t want to talk.) But once, I got in a car where the guy was playing right-wing talk radio. The man on the radio was bloviating about Obama this and Obama that, and, in case you are wondering, he was not a fan. This was the morning after the superbowl, and the radio host phoned the quarterback of the winning team. They were talking superbowl talk, which I can’t remember at all, but imagine was first downs and shoulder pads and pats on the bum, when suddenly a very official male voice cut in on the line and said “You have to get off the line, the President of the United States is calling.”

    The talk show host got off the line, and he was clearly awestruck that he had been that close to an official call from the US President. As we drove along he kept saying, “The President of the United States! Can you believe it. Wow!” Finally, just as we got over the bridge and were pulling into San Francisco, the quarterback called back. The talk-show host was just about ready to kiss his (virtual) feet. “Oh, wow, you called back. Yes, really nice to keep talking to you — Sir.” When the guy dropped me off in downtown San Francisco, I was extremely relieved I hadn’t exploded from repressed laughter.

    [It occurs to me as I write this out that there is a Sufi story just like this.

    Mullah Nasrudin returned from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. “At this time,” said Nasrudin, “I only want to say that the King spoke to me.” All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news. The remaining villager asked, “What did the King say to you?”

    “What he said, and said quite distinctly, for everyone to hear,” said the Mullah, “was, ‘Get out of my way, you imbecile!’”

    So he got to be interrupted by the President, and I got to see a Mullah Nasrudin story in real life!]

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