weekend open thread – February 8-9, 2025

by Alison Green on February 7, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Perfume and Pain, by Anna Dorn. A cancelled writer searches for inspiration and develops a surprising relationship with her new neighbor. Funny and smart. (Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

You may also like:
{ 83 comments }

{ 83 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    The weekend posts are for relatively light discussion — think office break room — and comments should ask questions and/or seek to discuss ideas. “Here’s what happened to me today” personal-blog-style posts will be removed (because they got out of control in the past). We also can’t do medical advice here.

    These threads are no politics.

    Please give the full rules a re-read.

    Reply ↓
    1. Karriegrace*

      I’m reading the fourth of the Thursday Murder Club books by Richard Osman. They have sll been really fun.

      Reply ↓
    3. Falling Diphthong*

      Full Speed to a Crash Landing and its sequel How to Steal a Galaxy, by Beth Revis. Heists in space! Follows an operative (think Rick Blaine from Casablanca; expects to be paid but often works for the little guys) retrieving a package from a space ship crashed onto a heavily volcanic planet, and then stealing something from an art museum during a black tie gala. Lots of fun.

      Reply ↓
    4. Atheist Nun*

      I just finished, and recommend, The Stolen Queen by Fiona Davis. It was a light book with some cutesy coincidences and resolutions, but it also held my interest through a mature woman protagonist and careful discussions about the repatriation of objects of cultural heritage. I also enjoyed reading about places I have loved visiting, like the Valley of the Kings, Luxor Temple, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

      Reply ↓
    5. Mobie's Mom*

      Just started The Anteater of Death, by Betty Webb! Picked it up at the library based solely on the name – looks like a fun little murder mystery!

      Reply ↓
    6. Loredena*

      I just finished a litrpg series Dungeon Crawler Carl! It was surprisingly entertaining, I read all 7 in short order and am looking forward to the next. It’s on KU

      Reply ↓
    7. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I just finished a book of essays by Zadie Smith titled ‘Feel Free’. I liked some better than others: sometimes it went deep into art, movies, or music I am not familiar with, but sometimes it also made me look them up and find something new to appreciate! About to start Sally Rooney’s Intermezzo…I had read Conversations with Friends (and loved it) before the Normal People buzz, and I didn’t dislike her third book the way many seemed to – but it did feel she was retreading some similar ground. Reviews of the latest seemed to say she tackled some new types of relationships, so I am curious to see how I find it!

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I like Zadie Smith’s essays–I remember one she wrote about being in Italy with her dad and enjoying this particular park because a lot of expat Brits hung out there, and thus “You can drink British amounts of alcohol without anyone looking at you pityingly.”

        Reply ↓
    8. goddessoftransitory*

      I’m still working through my giant pile; not helped by inadvertently ordering Mona Acts Out when I was trying to stick it on my wish list so I wouldn’t forget it. It sounds good, though!

      *burrows back into mountain on bedside table*

      Reply ↓
    9. Fun Novel Lover*

      Just finished “Someone Else’s Shoes” by Jojo Moyes. Fun read and very satisfying ending. Highly recommended!

      Reply ↓
    10. Bluebell Brenham*

      Finished Paula Hawkins’ The Blue Hour. Interesting set up – famous woman artist and friend on an island, got his mystery vibes- but it wasn’t nearly as good as her debut, Girl on the Train. Now I’m finishing up Mrs Porter Calling, the third book in AJ Pearce’s Dear Mrs Bird series. It’s still charming.

      Reply ↓
    11. Commander Shepard's Favorite Store*

      I absolutely inhaled the entire Dungeon Crawler Carl series in the last, like, two weeks after seeing it recommended over and over and every time thinking “But it sounds so dumb, I really don’t get litRPG”. Let me tell you friends, I could not have been more wrong. It is SO GOOD. I am obsessed. It made me cry multiple times–at work, nonetheless–and books almost never do that to me. I listened to the audiobooks and the narrator is hands down the best I have ever heard, he’s incredible. The latest book is coming out on audio on Tuesday and I am dyyying from the wait.

      Reply ↓
    12. My Brain is Exploding*

      I finished “Just Mercy” by Brian Stevenson. It’s a deep dive into serious problems within the criminal justice system and what the Equal Justice Initiative is doing to effect systemic change and provide aid to incarcerated individuals. It isn’t for the faint of heart; there are gut-wrenching stories that brought me to tears and successes that gave me hope. (I know many of the commenters here are more aware about these issues than I was before reading this book.)

      Reply ↓
    13. Heffalump*

      Just finished The Yugo: The Rise and Fall of the Worst Car in History by Jason Vuic, and enjoyed it. Interesting from the business angle or the gearhead angle.

      Reply ↓
    14. AG*

      Just finished ‘Same as it Ever Was’ by Claire Lombardo. Loved it! I ordered her other book & will begin that when it arrives.

      Reply ↓
    1. Just Another Cog*

      I finally found a cabinet at our local thrift store for our dining area! It is a very small area and I needed some enclosed storage for extra placemats, napkins, etc. I wanted real wood and found a few for retail sale that were very expensive. Even press wood pieces of garbage were going for $250! I’ll have to clean up the one I found and maybe refinish it, but it was only $25! I’m so excited – I’ve been looking for one I could afford for almost two years!

      Reply ↓
    2. WellRed*

      I was picking up lunch in a local specialty grocer and discovered they carry a new product I can’t find in regular stores and on Amazon you’d have to buy a case. It’s Brianna’s new chipotle lime marinade, fyi.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Jealous! I have a ton of recipes I want to try but have some odd ingredient you can only get in job lots of fifty or whatever,

        Reply ↓
    3. fallingleavesofnovember*

      Two days at home with my husband following a very useful virtual training, followed up one day by a post-work skate and the other a post-work ski! We’re having such a good winter here after several disappointing ones!

      Reply ↓
    4. old curmudgeon*

      I have to say that the cuddle puddle in the photo on this thread made me pretty darned joyful just now – what an amazing bunch of felines Alison has!

      Reply ↓
      1. RLC*

        Same here! Alison’s trio is modeling “agreeably sharing” what appears to be a heated pad; our cat crew would be modeling “feline territorial behavior” for that pad. I need to show them this as proof that cats can indeed share a comfy spot without slapping of paws and munching of ears.

        Reply ↓
    5. ThatGirl*

      We adopted a new dog last April and he’s been to a new to us groomer 3 times now. He’s very sweet but can be mouthy (young, and we’re working on it) so I was a little worried about how he’d act at the groomer. But when I picked him up today I was told they “just love him!” Made my dog mom heart proud.

      Reply ↓
    6. Karriegrace*

      Buffalo is a SHEET of ice after freezing rain. But I just got crampons! They’re amazing! I walked all over the neighborhood with them. No slipping at all. Its like magic.

      Oh and Josh Allen won MVP.

      Reply ↓
    7. Falling Diphthong*

      I tried a new salon and got a really good haircut–I felt like the stylist both listened to me before the haircut, and checked in midway in a useful way.

      Reply ↓
    8. Knighthope*

      My amaryllis bloomed from two buds! The variety is “Double Dragon,” but it should be called “Triple” because there’s a third bud coming up!

      Reply ↓
  4. Cabbagepants*

    Do you have a favorite recipe that you personally created or perfected? I’ve build a recipe for tender chicken-style seitan that even my meat-and-potatoes relatives rave about. Decent seitan is very hard to find where I live so I make this at least once a week.

    1 15oz can white beans, including liquid
    4 T water
    1 T oil
    1 t MSG or salt
    1 small onion, chopped coarse
    2 cloves garlic
    1 T soy sauce
    Bouillon for 1 cup broth (e.g. 1 t “Better than Bouillon)
    2 T nutritional yeast
    375 g (around 3 cups) vital wheat gluten

    Puree all ingredients besides gluten. Put liquid in a large bowl and then mix in gluten. Stir to combine and then knead until very bouncy (3 minutes by kitchenaide or 10 minutes by hand). Wrap in aluminum foil. Put steamer basket and enough water to just reach basket into Instapot, then put in wrapped dough. Pressure cook on high for 45 minutes. When done, release pressure and carefully shred the seitan, still hot, with two forks. Sautee in abundant butter or olive oil.

    Reply ↓
    1. AG*

      Ooh, these sound good!! I’m making seitan wings this weekend (didn’t create the recipe, Rabbits & Wolves did, but have altered it).

      Reply ↓
    2. old curmudgeon*

      I came up with a pork and black bean stew recipe about a year ago, and after a fair bit of tweaking, I think it’s finally where I want it to be. It’s scaled for exactly two servings and goes together in an hour or less, so it’s ideal for my spouse and me. I’m not usually the one in our household who develops recipes, but I’m pretty proud of this one.

      Reply ↓
    3. theinone*

      I usually just follow recipes but I have a lentil soup thing I make that takes care of dinner for a full week (or more if I’m not particularly hungry). And it’s really cheap and doesn’t take a lot of bulky ingredients- great for me, a college student who bikes to the grocery store!

      1 onion
      Jarred garlic (jarlic)
      1 can tomato sauce
      Water
      2 carrots
      1 pound bag of lentils
      Stuff that makes it taste good (bullion powder, garlic powder, worcestershire sauce, italian seasoning, soy sauce, pepper, etc… this is personal preference but what I’ve listed is what I like)
      1 bag spinach
      Lemon pepper
      That parmesan that comes in the green container (shakey cheese)

      Chop and cook the onion until translucent in a big pot, add jarlic and cook until it smells good
      Once it’s browning add the can of tomato sauce and like 4 cans of water
      Chop the carrots into half-moons and add them
      Add the lentils
      Add your stuff that tastes good
      Simmer until lentils are soft (add more water as needed, if you think it needs it)
      Add a whole bag of washed spinach
      Cook until the spinach is small
      Serve with lemon pepper and shakey cheese

      It’s naturally vegetarian (vegan if you use veggie bullion and omit shakey cheese) but you could also add like frozen meatballs or cooked Italian sausage or sweet potatoes or whatever you think tastes good. Takes about an hour to make but most of that time is just the lentils getting soft which just takes some occasional stirring.

      Reply ↓
    5. goddessoftransitory*

      I’ve reworked How To Cook Everything’s spaghetti sauce until it’s pretty much mine–I eliminated the carrots and celery and layer on the spices with a lavish hand. The big trio of ingredients that take it over the top are ginger (minced and lots of powdered as well) bacon, and cream. You cook the bacon first, but set it aside and don’t put it back in the sauce until the last fifteen minutes of simmering (otherwise it turns to leather.)

      Husband adores this and wants me to make it every week.

      Reply ↓
  5. Wellie*

    I recently said “to heck with keto,” and I am having my first potato chips in almost a year.

    Anyone else just say, “nah, bro”?

    Reply ↓
      1. Wellie*

        I was not able to completely give up candy! I just cut way, way back. Like, one square of chocolate was my serving. Now I have a couple squares. It is kind of comforting to have a little something yummy.

        Reply ↓
  6. Ginger Cat Lady*

    What’s your best recommendation for the dry, chapped, cracking skin of winter? My hands are killing me and I need a good lotion/salve or something.

    Reply ↓
      1. Wellie*

        Was going to say! I buy the Rich Creme for Very Dry, Compromised Skin. It’s like half petroleum products, and a little goes a long, long way.

        If petroleum products aren’t your thing, I love my Nivea Cocoa Butter lotion.

        Reply ↓
    2. Decidedly Me*

      I recently did Vaseline and gloves overnight for a few nights, which made a huge, quick difference. Now I’m using Vaseline Deep Restore lotion regularly so I don’t have to go drastic again.

      Reply ↓
    3. old curmudgeon*

      I’ve asked several doctors for suggestions, and they all recommended Aquaphor, which is similar to Vaseline but has some additional ingredients. As long as I use it every night before I go to bed, I can avoid skin cracks.

      Reply ↓
      1. ThatGirl*

        Those are good tips for overall dry skin but dry hands often come from a lot of washing in hot water, soap, rough towels etc. which the weather makes worse.

        Reply ↓
    7. osmoglossum*

      Porter’s Lotion — it’s a liquid, non-greasy lotion that actually heals the skin. It’s amazing stuff.

      Reply ↓
  8. Skytext*

    Has anybody seen Ben Askins videos on Facebook? At first I liked them, but now I realize he is just stealing AAM letters! First there was the one about the boss who fired any employee who wouldn’t agree to be tested as a liver donor for his brother, then today there was the one about the boss who made an employee leave a letter on the grave of a relative of an employee who was out on bereavement leave.

    Reply ↓
    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      I can report those for copyright violations and have them taken down — are you able to link me directly to them? (I looked at his page and couldn’t easily find them.)

      Reply ↓
      2. Skytext*

        I’m sorry, I can’t figure out how to do that. But I went to his page and one letter is the most recent post and the other is a few posts down. They are captioned “Worst Boss “2” and “ Worst Boss #3”.

        Reply ↓
  9. Robin's sister*

    I belong to a senior center that, among other things, takes us on bus trips to shopping malls or Walmart on Wednesdays (but not every Wednesday). I was pleased to see that in January, we were going to the Henderson Mall on the 15th, the Dawson Mall on the 22nd, and the Sturgis Mall on the 29th. I really wanted to go to the Sturgis Mall, because I had a number of watches that needed new batteries, and I really like the people who work at a store there. I signed up to go to the Henderson Mall and the Sturgis Mall.

    On January 15, when I got out of the bus, I was surprised to see that we were at the Sturgis Mall, not the Henderson Mall. I asked the driver, “Weren’t we supposed to go to the Henderson Mall today?” She insisted that we were supposed to go to the Sturgis Mall. I didn’t want to start a fight, so I said, “Okay. I guess I was wrong.” So I was at the Sturgis Mall without my watches. And I was afraid that on January 29, we would go to the Henderson Mall instead of the Sturgis Mall, and I didn’t know when I’d get back to the Sturgis Mall with my watches.

    On the way home, the driver admitted that she had taken us to the wrong mall, and she said, “We’ll go to the Henderson Mall next Wednesday!” I didn’t say anything, but I didn’t think that that was a good idea, because the people who would get on the bus on January 22, expecting to go to the Dawson Mall, might not be happy to wind up at the Henderson Mall. And a lot of people don’t like the Henderson Mall. And if the driver wound up driving to the Henderson Mall on January 29, people expecting to go to the Sturgis Mall would not be happy, because, as I said, a lot of people don’t like the Henderson Mall.

    Afterwards, I told Diane, the dispatcher, that we had been taken to the wrong mall, and that the driver had announced that we would go to the Henderson Mall the following week, and I wasn’t sure that that would work out. Diane told me to let the head of the Transportation Dept. know about this.

    So I notified the head of the Transportation Dept. and asked that it be mentioned in our Sunday newsletter exactly which mall we would be going to on January 22 and 29. The newsletter said that even though there had been a mix-up on January 15, we would follow the schedule and go to the Dawson Mall on January 22 and the Sturgis Mall on January 29. The February schedule was already set, but we would go to the Henderson Mall in March. So I went to the Sturgis Mall on January 29 with my watches.

    The driver was extremely nasty to me on January 29. She claimed that I wasn’t on the list of people who had signed up to go to the mall that day. I always make a written list of the days I want a bus ride, and I get a copy from Diane after she enters my rides into the computer. I tried to show the driver my copy to prove that I had signed up for the trip, but she refused to look at my list She grudgingly let me board the bus. Afterwards, I told Diane that the driver had refused to look at my list. Diane said that the driver had been rude to me.

    On February 5, when we went to the Campbell Mall, the driver was nasty to me again, but she did acknowledge that I was on the list of people who had signed up to go to the mall. I think she is angry at me for telling Diane and the head of Transportation Department that she had taken us to the wrong mall and for telling Diane that she (the driver) had refused to look at my list. What should I have done? Should I have said nothing and pretended that we went to the correct mall? If I hadn’t said anything, and if the driver took the people to the wrong mall the following Wednesday, what would have happened? And what can I do so that the driver isn’t nasty to me any longer?

    Reply ↓
      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        Yes! As your story shows, people plan trips to different malls based on what ships there are. Also, what if someone went on a trip meaning to meet up with a friend or relative?

        Reply ↓
    2. Reba*

      “And what can I do so that the driver isn’t nasty to me any longer?”
      Probably nothing, unfortunately, but to continue to report back to her supervisor about her behavior towards you. The way she is acting is not your fault.

      Reply ↓
      1. RLC*

        My first thought is that the driver may also be exhibiting ageist behavior: 1) expecting the passengers to be quietly compliant and grateful to be transported, and 2) assuming (inappropriately!!!) that senior center residents are forgetful and won’t recall which trip they signed up for. Angry when she gets called out on her bad behavior and wrong assumptions. Nasty and ageist too, what a horrid combination of traits.
        LW is doing the right thing, keep reporting driver back to her supervisor.

        Reply ↓
        1. Robin's sister*

          “grateful to be transported”

          It’s funny that you say that, because my cousin (who is a senior citizen living in another state and whose senior center is nowhere as good as mine is) told me that I should appreciate the fact that my senior center is so wonderful (which it is) and I should be grateful to be taken anywhere. I tried asking her how she would like it if she signed up for a bus trip to go somewhere and wound up in an entirely different place, but I couldn’t get through to her, since she doesn’t go on bus trips.

          “assuming (inappropriately!!!) that senior center residents are forgetful and won’t recall which trip they signed up for.”

          Unfortunately, that happens to be true (most of the time) in this case. Most of the people who go on bus trips to shopping malls (because they don’t drive) don’t speak or understand English at all. That is because where I live, there are a lot of young people originally from a foreign country where English is not spoken, and their parents (from that foreign country) visit them for most of the year, and the senior center allows those parents to become members.

          All of the passengers on the trip that wound up at the Sturgis Mall by mistake were these parents (who had no idea that they were at the wrong mall), with the exception of three of us – a woman originally from a different foreign country who spoke very little English, a woman originally from the USA who has some brain damage from a stroke, and me.

          What’s funny is that in December, we boarded the bus for a trip to Delicious Orchards (not a pseudonym), and some of the parents from the foreign country started screaming because they thought that we were going to Von Thun Farm (not a pseudonym). The driver tried to calm them down and asked a woman who spoke their language to explain to them that the trip was supposed to go to Delicious Orchards. The woman just stared blankly, because she didn’t understand a word the driver said. Diane came out and tried to settle things down. She wound up going into the senior center and finding someone who spoke the parents’ language (who was not even going on the trip) and persuaded her to get into the bus and explain to the parents that we were going to Delicious Orchards. I used the real names because I want to show you that they didn’t know any English. They could not tell the difference between Delicious Orchards and Von Thun Farm when they read the words on the newsletter.

          Reply ↓
    3. fhqwhgads*

      It’s clearly not within the driver’s purview to change the schedule to cover their own mistake. You called them out, twice, so they’re holding a grudge against you basically for making them look bad. Which is another error on their part, beyond the first two. It’s not a you problem. It’s a them problem.
      You did the right thing. Continue to do so. Remain calm and polite even when it’s not reciprocated.

      Reply ↓
      1. Robin's sister*

        There was another time that this driver might have screwed up, but I couldn’t be sure, so I didn’t say anything.

        The senior center also takes us on lunch trips. In the past, the driver has come into the restaurant with us and has eaten with us. Someone always pays for her. The last time I went, instead of coming in with us, she dropped us off, saying that she would return in one hour. It took a very long time for the restaurant to set up a table accommodating 12 or 14 of us. Then we had to wait to get our menus, and it took a while for everyone to decide what to order. Then it took the waitress some time to take everyone’s order. By the time we were all served, 52 minutes of the hour were gone. So we all had to ask for boxes, and we stood on line to pay. All of us hadn’t paid by the time one hour was up, so a waitress had to go outside and tell the driver that we would be late.

        I don’t know if the driver was supposed to eat with us. If she had eaten with us, she would have seen how long everything was taking, and we wouldn’t have had to rush out of there without having eaten. But maybe she was given some errand to run and was told to drop us off and pick us up later. I just don’t know, so I didn’t complain to Diane or the head of the Transportation Dept. It was the first lunch trip under the direction of the new head of the Transportation Dept., and I didn’t know if it was a new way of doing things.

        I have not gone on any lunch trips since then, since I didn’t consider the previous trip to be a genuine lunch trip. It was more like “We’ll drive you to that restaurant, where you can get a take-out order and bring it back to the senior center, and you can either eat it at the senior center or bring it home.”

        Reply ↓
  10. Falling Diphthong*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    For a movie, Furiosa. This was good and satisfying–I was in the mood for someone fighting the apocalypse. Really like that the kidnappee is not just an inert box of chocolates dragged back and forth. Discovered Anya Taylor Joy was Beth in The Queen’s Gambit, causing my spouse to observe “Oh! That’s the ferocious stare.”

    Reply ↓
    1. Falling Diphthong*

      Just watched episode 4 of season 2 of Severance. I cannot say that I expected anything specific from this one, and yet was totally gobsmacked by what they threw at us. Really knocking it out of the park. I did not expect Irving B to work so thoroughly into my heart.

      I’ve caught up on Mythic Quest. Since I am invested in Brad, Dana, and Jo, and bored by Ian and Poppy, feeling pretty eh.

      Spouse was traveling so I went back and revisited Orphan Black, which really holds up. It’s just such a delight how e.g. Alison, and Sarah pretending to be Alison, are immediately different.

      Reply ↓
    2. fhqwhgads*

      Bee and Puppycat. I am obsessed. I absolutely recommend it but it’s the sort of thing where if I try to explain it I’ll ruin it.

      Reply ↓
    3. CTT*

      I really wanted to like Furiosa more than I did – I like all the people in it and loved Fury Road, but the excessive callbacks (call-forwards?) to that movie really dragged on me. I’m looking forward to the future This Had Oscar Buzz episode on it though.

      I’m trying to catch up on Oscar movies but I am just not feeling this season for the first time in a while. But I did watch The English Patient for a film club I’m in (the topic is Best Picture winners) and I’m glad I watched it and good lord 1996 Ralph Fiennes was gorgeous, but I think that Seinfeld episode about how much Elaine hated it is where I fell.

      Reply ↓
    4. Charlotte Lucas*

      I never watched Firefly the first time around, so decided to give it a whirl (love the actors and I’ve heard good things). So far, I have seen the pilot, and I was pretty unimpressed. Does it get better? It feels like a bunch of great actors were brought together to wear poorly made/designed costumes and speak stilted dialogue in a blatant ripoff of Star Wars. And Nathan Fillion is seriously miscast as a world-weary veteran. Lovable rogue, yes, but he is not the Han Solo type.

      I try to give SF pilots a bit of grace, because world-building is hard, but I am having to push myself to watch the next episode. And low budgets don’t bother me – I am old enough to remember when Doctor Who had no budget to speak of. But it did have a creative premise, excellent writing, and good acting (usually).

      Reply ↓
      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        I would say the pilot was never one of my favourite episodes, but it’s hard to say if you’ll like it if you continue – you do get to see more and more of the characters and that’s definitely what makes the show. I’d definitely say the comedy element is the main enjoyment over the politics / war veteran element.

        Reply ↓
    6. goddessoftransitory*

      Also, still watching My Life is Murder (love the new kitty in season 2) and season 3 of Invincible, which just dropped. That is one plot heavy show.

      Reply ↓
  11. Charlotte Lucas*

    Who are actors who you consider the embodiment of a role? As in, No Substitute Will Do.

    – David Suchet as Poirot (Branagh is an excellent actor, but he doesn’t inhabit the role like Suchet does)
    – Fry and Laurie as Jeeves and Wooster
    – Jeremy Brett and Benedict Cumberbatch are both excellent Sherlocks, but Brett has a bit of an edge in my heart
    – Peter Falk as Columbo (but I do love the homage of how Tasha Lynne plays her role in Poker Face)

    I’m sure there are more, but this is off the top of my head.

    Reply ↓
  12. Radar’s Glasses*

    Sam Neill in “Sidney Reilly, Ace of Spies”
    George Clooney in “ER” (1980s TV series)
    Essie Davis in “Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries” (Australian tv series)
    James Garner in “Maverick” (way before Mel Gibson’s version)

    Reply ↓

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