bad vibes from my new boss, I got in trouble for sending mail with upside down stamps, and more

by Alison Green on March 12, 2025

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I get bad vibes from my new boss

A new director recently joined my department, and I’ve had an immediate bad feeling about her. I’m not typically quick to judge, and I recognize that she reminds me — at least in some ways — of a family member who is a bit of a narcissist. I want to stay professional and give her a fair chance, but I also don’t want to ignore my instincts if they’re picking up on real red flags.

I’ve just been having a gut feeling and maybe, unfairly to her, I am reacting to speech patterns and mannerisms that remind me of my relative. I don’t think I’m imagining all of it though. For example, despite us having met several times in person, she has made no effort to introduce herself to me or ask any questions about me or my role. I suppose I could have taken more initiative myself to engage, but since she is the leader of our team, it feels like initial outreach is her responsibility. I have a fair amount of influence and seniority at my company, but that is not obvious to new people, and to me it feels like she is ignoring or snubbing people who she perceives as having less power. There is probably a more generous way for me to look at this complaint (e.g., bosses can be introverts too) but something just feels off.

How can I balance professionalism with due diligence in assessing this situation? And how do I determine whether my concerns are valid or just baggage from my past experience? I don’t want to accidentally start a whisper campaign over something as subjective as bad vibes.

Keep your eyes open, but until you have actual signs that there are real problems, treat her exactly the way you would if she weren’t setting off your alarm bells.

It’s very possible that you’re reacting to baggage from a family member. It’s also possible that you’re not, and instead your gut is picking up on something real. But until you know for sure, there’s no action to take! After all, if you decided to just blindly trust your gut, what would that look like? You definitely shouldn’t go around sharing your concerns with other people (which I’m assuming is what “accidentally start a whisper campaign” refers to) when she hasn’t done anything! And if you let your gut affect the way you interacting with her, there’s a very high chance of making the relationship worse than it otherwise would be — like not taking any initiative to engage with her even though taking that initiative could help you professionally. (We can argue over whether that should be her responsibility, but the fact is she hasn’t done it herself — so the more relevant question is whether it’s in your best interests to initiate some contact yourself, and in many cases it would be.)

You asked about how to balance professionalism with due diligence in assessing the situation, and the answer to that is easy: professionalism wins out, because it’s in your own interests to remain professional. As for due diligence, that just means being willing to give the situation time. At some point, once enough time has gone by, you’ll have learned more about who she is and how she operates, and you’ll know whether your concerns are valid or not. But you won’t know that from day one, just like you wouldn’t know it about someone who wasn’t setting off alarms for you either.

2. I got in trouble for sending mail with upside down flag stamps

I’m an admin who processes our outgoing mail. We buy rolls of stamps that over the last couple of years have had a three-flag design. For whatever reason, my brain has trouble with orienting them — I often place them on the mail upside down. (You can see here that they have even been posed for purchase upside down.) It’s not intentional, it’s not a political statement on my part, it just happens when I’m peeling them off and working in a hurry. My supervisor, however, has gotten very upset about it several times. I’ve tried to do better, but he wrote me up today for “making political statements in the company’s name with company materials” when he saw one I accidentally placed upside down.

I want to speak to his boss about this to explain and ask if this can be removed from my file. Do you have any suggestions? My coworker suggested I go to the optometrist and get some kind of note but that seems like overkill.

Yes, a note from the optometrist would be overkill. (What would it even say?)

Your boss isn’t wrong to tell you that you need to place the stamps right-side up. I know it seems like a small thing that might not matter, but because the upside down flag is a symbol of distress, there is a movement around placing flag stamps upside down to make a political statement. It’s reasonable that your boss doesn’t want company mail going out with what could look like a political statement on it, whether or not you intended that way. Or just looking sloppy, for that matter — it might not be something you personally would notice or care about, but other people do and some will read it as less polished.

You can certainly try explaining that this was a mistake, not an intentional act, and asking that the write-up be removed or at least if you can add a response to the write-up explaining it was a mistake. But your boss isn’t wrong to be concerned that it’s continued to happen after he’s told you to stop — whether you intended it or not, you’re still sending out mail with what looks like a political statement on it, and you say it’s happening often — and so you do need to figure out a system for making sure it doesn’t keep happening. (Can you lay them out correctly oriented before you start applying them?)

3. Using inappropriate passwords when someone else might see them

I work for a large organization as the LMS manager. Someone recently reached out to me because they forgot their password. When I looked it up, I was surprised with the word they chose. I’m not offended but I felt that it was inappropriate for a workplace (mild swear but not offensive — “asshat”). I let them know they need to change it to a more workplace-appropriate word, reset the password back to the default, and they changed their password right back to the inappropriate one. (Makes me wonder how they could forget that!)

I know passwords are to be private but if you forget it and have to ask for it, I do see them. Is using swear words in password okay for work? Should I not have said anything and just laughed it off?

Well, first, in a secure password system, no one should be seeing anyone else’s passwords, even IT.

But in a system where someone else can see the passwords and might need to retrieve one for someone, it’s pretty bad professional judgment to use a swear word (mild and ridiculous as “asshat” is; it’s really on the far fringes of what qualifies as a swear word, but we don’t have a good name for the work-inappropriate category it is in). It’s even worse judgment to refuse to change it after being directly told to.

It’s not something I’d bother pursuing any further (unless you’re the person’s manager and there’s a pattern of bad judgment, in which case it’s the pattern that would matter more anyway), but I’d certainly think of them as someone with questionable judgment after this.

4. How to say thanks to a senior leader doing a great job in a terrible time

I’m in an industry that’s been very hard hit by the insanity around the executive orders. The actual policy changes and funding cuts, combined with the sheer chaos, volume of new directives, and inconsistency around what’s going on have been brutal. Everyone at my organization has been working around the clock for weeks to try to figure out how to navigate the next meteor that has come crashing through from the government.

With a few exceptions, people inside the organization have been amazing about this. We’re exhausted and confused, but people are pulling together and trying to problem solve as much as we can. We have a couple of senior leaders that I don’t work with regularly, but I’ve spent a ton of time with recently. One in particular has been nothing short of heroic. He’s been kind, patient, always available, expert, and fundamentally decent in every single interaction I’ve seen. He manages to combine a strong leadership steer with an ethical grounding and a recognition for the humans he’s working with that is not easy to figure out in the current nightmare. I cannot imagine how he’s doing it, and I shudder to think where we would be if he weren’t here. Is there any way that it would be appropriate to thank him for this? I know gifts are supposed to flow downward in the workplace, but this is so far above and beyond that I’d love to give some token of thanks for what he is doing. Any recommendations? A bottle of his favorite drink? A gift card to a meal out? Something else?

I’m a broken record about this but: a personal note telling them everything you said above. That will have more far more meaning, and probably be kept and cherished far longer, than any physical gift you could give him.

5. My company is violating the state law on paid sick time

Our office is in California and has three full-time employees. We’re paid by the hour, at the end of the month. In 2024, we were only allowed 24 sick hours and now this year as well. If we’ll need more than 24 hours, we must use vacation time or log zero hours. I’ve told the owner in mid-2023 and again in December 2023 that when we received the employment law posters employers are required to display, they clearly showed that as of January 2024, California employers must provide 40 hours of paid sick leave per year. I’ve also called our payroll company and asked them about this, and they stated our employer is not in compliance. They called and spoke to the owner’s daughter, who reports our monthly hours, yet nothing changed. What do we do about this? My two coworkers will not deal with this and are afraid to rock the boat.

File a report with the California department of labor. California happens to be a state that is very assertive about enforcing compliance with its employment laws, and they’ll handle it from there.

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{ 141 comments }

{ 141 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. WHAT*

    LW3, I work in IT and who in the blazes set this system up??? No wonder we get so many requests from people asking us if we can give them their password if there are still companies out there whose password system actually allows that.

    Are you working for Neopets?

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    1. WHAT*

      (Just for the record, I am not attempting to out the LW, just referring to a hack that occurred because Neopets stored usernames and passwords in a plain text file.

      Coincidentally, this is why you should not save your password in a browser: a lot of browsers just store it in a plain text file on your computer that is always in the same place. Frankly writing it down on a post-it on your screen would be more secure than saving it in a lot of browsers because at least then someone needs to be actually in front of your screen to see it, though obviously I’m not advocating for that practice either.

      Obligatory mention that I have not tried every single browser)

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      1. Irish Teacher.*

        If it’s of help to anybody, I tend to write only clues to my passwords, stuff that is obvious to me but would make no sense to anybody else, like “Gmail password: Hotmail password but in Irish.” Like if my Hotmail password was “dog” and my Gmail one was “Madra,” the Irish word for dog. (None of that is close to anything real; it’s just an example of how vague the clues are to anybody but me; they aren’t things like “my date of birth” or “pet’s name.”)

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          1. Misty*

            Maybe this ìs regional, but when I was growing up an upside-down stamp means ‘Love’. You would put it on birthday cards upside-down to say you were sending love.

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      2. SheriffFatman*

        Which browsers, so I can avoid them? Google Chrome, MS Edge, Safari and Firefox all store passwords encrypted (or at least, they all claim to). Surely that must cover the great majority of browsers in common use?

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        1. andy*

          You can decrypt chrome passwords and read then. It is in the settings, passwords section.

          The issue with OP setup is that severs should never have password like that.

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        2. WHAT*

          So I just rechecked and I was misremembering: they do store them in encrypted files.

          With the encryption key stored close by. Both of these files are in predictable places so writing a script to get them is pretty trivial (I’ll post a video in a reply). It’s basically the equivalent of locking your front door and leaving the key under a flower pot (with the added security loophole that everyone knows the key is under the flower pot).

          So I was wrong about them being in plain text files, but functionally they might as well be.

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        3. Mongrel*

          You’re better off shifting all your passwords out of your browser to a Password Manager. Have one, secure, password and let the software sort everything else for you.

          And like the username, is that from the song of the same name from the band that no-one else seems to remember?

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    2. nnn*

      I have to admit, I would be tempted to set a new password that comments on the fact that it’s bad security for anyone to be able to see anyone’s password.

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      1. WHAT*

        I’m honestly wondering if that’s why the employee used the same password again.

        Do the employees know some people in the org have access to their passwords? Because I can definitely see someone picking that password thinking “easy to remember, and no one should see this anyway” (well apparently not so easy to remember I guess) and then when confronted setting it to the same to make a statement.

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        1. Bilateralrope*

          Then planning to complain about the LW looking at employee passwords with a good reason if they complain about it.

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          1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

            They shouldn’t be able to look at passwords for ANY reason. Passwords should never be stored in plain text.

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      2. Calamity Janine*

        it’s really a situation begging for increasingly obnoxious malicious compliance. not that this is what the LW should do in any way, mind you. but i would be very tempted to comply in the direction you suggest!

        …it’s far more classy and impactful than my initial impulse which is to simply remove the cuss in as absurdly overwrought a manner as possible. goodbye Asshat, hello Rectumchapeau! (what a word i have now burdened autocorrect with the knowledge of)

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          1. bamcheeks*

            Ahh Rectumchapeau, the mouse famously created by beloved Victorian children’s author S. S. Fry, and immortalised in the 1948 Disney film of the same name.

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      3. Wendy Darling*

        I would be so tempted to set my password to something like “StopLookingAtMyPasswordJan”, as a person who just… assumes no one’s ever gonna see my passwords because that’s how that’s supposed to work!

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    3. Tiger Snake*

      Hashes. Salted. Hashes.

      I can’t say anything more. I can’t. Alison would have to delete my messages if I tried.

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    4. Certaintroublemaker*

      For real—the system should only allow the admin to reset it to default for recreating a new password, not view the passwords in plain text.

      Not to mention, they’re allowing a 6-character, all lowercase password, no capitals, numbers, or special characters.

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      1. WHAT*

        Yup. Or even better, not have a default at all – ours is set up so that way. If the user forgets their password they get a randomised code to set up a new password.

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      2. KJC*

        Actually, it’s a myth that all those characters and capitals make it more secure. Machines that are used to break passwords don’t have any difficulty going through all the characters just like they would lowercase letters. It’s based on old ideas that just will not go away! What actually makes a password more secure is it being very long, such as “peanutmanagerllamarainbow.”

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        1. Grizabella the Glamour Cat*

          And yet SOOOO many websites require all those characters and stuff when you set up a password. I’ve always found it to be a pita, but if it really doesn’t make things safer, that makes it even more annoying!

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          1. Disappointed with the Staff*

            And many of those websites don’t accept some special characters. Nothing like a discovery process… no backslashes. Ok, and no angle brackets. Hmm, no forward slashes either. And no non-ASCII characters, not even high ASCII. And it has to be long, but not more than 21 characters.

            The best ones don’t tell you that when you’re setting the password, they just don’t let you log in with them.

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            1. Tea Rocket*

              These are especially annoying for me since I use a password manager. It’s easy enough to set it up to follow rules, but you have to say what they are—and ideally validate the proposed password before it’s set.

              I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who has been allowed to set an invalid password and then been locked out of an account because of it.

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              1. Tea Rocket*

                ^I use a password manager which lets me generate new passwords.

                I always submit my comment too soon.

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          2. bamcheeks*

            And then don’t tell you when you’re signing in, so you can’t remember whether you need the surprised version of your password or not!

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        2. Nodramalama*

          Also, they run into the problem where the more complex the password requirements, the more likely it is for people to write them down

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        3. Tiger Snake*

          It’s not a myth, it’s a simplification.

          The more character sets your password is permitted to contain, the greater the entropy. The longer the password, the greater the entropy. Greater entropy means brute forcing takes longer. If my password uses 16 sets, its going to be just as effective at stopping a brute force as a really long password.

          But that’s going to be harder for me to remember, probably. And then I’m more likely to use an insecure method to store it – getting the browser to remember, writing it down, etc. A really long password you remember avoids that problem.

          Our passwords will also have to constantly get longer, because processing power can funnel big words just as easily as complex words and that’s always getting faster. One day, we’ll also reach a point where it’s not reasonable to expect people to remember passwords at all because of sheer length. Goodness knows I already have my C-suite screaming that they can’t possibly be expected to type more than 16 characters without mistyping it.

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          1. Disappointed with the Staff*

            Once you accept unicode the complexity of the character set stops mattering. Especially if you also don’t limit the length in an unreasonable way.

            One of the test passwords we use is pure unicode non-printing characters. Just because we can :) And some fun printable ones, including bobby tables and ‍‍‍‍

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        4. Roland*

          It’s not either-or. A six letter password is never secure, but a 16 character password with just lowercase letters is still faster to crack than a 16 character password with some other characters too. Trying only lowercase combos first is the most obvious optimization ever for a cracker.

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    5. allathian*

      Yeah, the whole system is insecure. A more secure system where nobody ever sees anyone else’s password, including IT, is liberating in another way as well, you can set as rude a password as you want with nobody knowing.

      At one point I had to use a very annoying system that required us to reset the password once a month and we weren’t allowed to use the same password again within the same 12-month period. So I kept a list of passwords in an encrypted file (this was before password apps were a thing) and the first one was anodyne but they got ruder as the year went on. I think it was a 20-character string of alphanumerics and special characters, totally impossible for me to remember without help.

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      1. WHAT*

        Yeah once a month is usually overkill, unless you are dealing with really really really sensitive stuff I suppose (and even then to be honest – as you point out this just leads to less security. Most people won’t have an *encrypted* file).

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            1. Crypto-no*

              Also because with MFA there’s significantly reduced risk in the first place.

              If it’s not protected by MFA, then you have some problems.

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              1. WHAT*

                That too.

                Though I can say from experience people really resist being told they need to use MFA.

                Funnily enough those same people also tend to quickly discover why MFA is a good idea.

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    6. JM60*

      #3 For those who don’t know, not only should IT not know your password. In a secure system, your password shouldn’t even be stored anywhere. Instead, the system should create a “hash” of your password by passing your password through a one-way hash function, store that hash. Then when you later enter your password, passing it through the hash and checking if it matches to determine if you entered the right password.

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    7. hedgewitch*

      Agree, the IT security failure of the password being discoverable at all is a much bigger problem than whatever the content of the password is.

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      1. KateM*

        Agreed. The questionable judgment and unprofessionalism of the password-owner is absolutely insignificant compared to the questionable judgment and unprofessionalism of the IT.

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  2. Eric*

    LW5, are you sure the plan is a violation? If you look at questions 20 and 21 in the link you provide, they are allowed to count vacation time towards the sick leave requirement if they let you use the vacation time when you are sick.

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    1. Meat Oatmeal*

      I think questions 20 and 21 are referring to workplaces that combine sick leave and vacation into a single all-purpose type of leave. Those workplaces typically don’t also give specific sick leave.

      I would still encourage the LW to file the complaint with the state government. If the state thinks there’s no violation, they can tell the LW so, and there’s no penalty.

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      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        That’s my read on it as well, bolstered by the fact that their payroll company agreed it was a legal violation — but filing with the state will tell them for sure.

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    2. Runner up*

      20 and 21 refer to paid time off (ie one bucket for sick and vacation) policies, not what LW5’s employer is up to.

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    1. Jinni*

      That was my first thought! Whenever I’ve used a payroll company, they’re pretty good about flagging new state laws because, at least in my case, they provided liability against claims (from the state/employees). Odd that they’d process violations….

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  4. Andy*

    #2, if it’s that exact stamp, I can see a faint year on the bottom left (top right in the image where it’s upside down). Could you use the text for orientation?

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    2. Cmdrshprd*

      Could buying the sheets instead of the rolls help, you only have to orient the entire bigger sheet? They are all the same price based on total stamps, 500 stamps in sheets of 20 costs the same as 500 stamps in rolls of 100.

      But at the end of the day you have been told this is a problem and need to find a way to fix it. While it might not seem like a bid deal and I don’t think it is, some people might see it as ” if they can’t even put the stamp the right way, how can I trust them to be competent in X job/service.”

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      1. Coverage Associate*

        Or request to buy one of the styles that doesn’t have as much of a top and bottom. There are first class Forever stamps of round flowers or sea creatures, for example.

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    3. Suus*

      Maybe a visual reference could help that you could keep in sight, like a photograph you take with your phone? You could also print a picture and write “up” on top and “down” on the bottom and keep it on the table. That way you can check before stamping.

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    4. Cohort1*

      #2, somewhere in this list of ideas to help you get the stamps on right side up, I hope you’ll find the trick that works for you. Here’s another possibility: those stamps say “Forever” up top. Every time you stick a stamp on, say (in your head) “Forever up” when you stick it down. Don’t just think it, say the words silently to yourself and make sure your fingers are obeying your orders. After the 20th time you’ve said it to yourself using your words, keep saying it until that batch is done. Tedious, I know, but you need to get it right and it does work for some brain malfunctions.*

      *I have trouble with numbers. The phone number ends 5703? In my head I’m saying “five-seven-zero-three” and watching my fingers to get it right. What adult needs to do that!? I do.

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      1. gyrfalcon17*

        As I understand the stamp when correctly oriented, “Forever” is not at the top. Rather, it runs upwards along the left side.

        The visual cue for me would be that the top of the stamp has a flag all the way across.

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      2. Lady Knittington*

        Yup, I have to add numbers to a spreadsheet. If I mentally say: category one, 3 people; category 2, nine people; category three, five people etc, then I make fewer mistakes.

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      3. Emmy Noether*

        I have the same thing with numbers! I cannot remember numbers at all, I can only remember the words for them. To memorize phone numbers, I have a little song in my head and have to listen to myself sing it, in full, to retrieve the number. If I have to say it in a different language, I have to internally sing it and translate on the fly.
        Even for numbers I only have to remember a few seconds, like to enter a code, I have to repeat the words to myself on a loop.
        Brains are weird.

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    5. Natalie*

      I have a similar problem as LW#2.

      My brain simply can’t seem to remember which corner gets a return address sticker, and which gets the stamp. Both seem equally plausible to me.

      My solution was to get an envelope that I knew had both applied correctly and take a picture to use as a reference. Maybe try something like that, that you can refer to and make sure that yours looks the same as the picture?

      Good luck; sometimes brains are just bad at braining. :)

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  5. Tiger Snake*

    LW1 – Also don’t forget that this director has come from outside. They’re used to a different work culture.
    For example, in my current organisation introducing my team would feel like I was overreaching; that I was speaking for them instead of giving them room to speak. I’d never introduce them in the meeting and instead let them introduce themselves. That’s not a snub, it is a culture clash.

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    1. Cmdrshprd*

      I think the issue is the boss has not introduced themselves to OP, not that they don’t introduce OP in meetings.

      Aka boss has not said: “hi OP I am jane your new boss nice to meet you, what do you do?”

      But I was a little confused by OP saying:
      .”For example, despite us having met several times in person, she has made no effort to introduce herself to me or ask any questions about me or my role.”

      If they have met several times before IMO it would be weird for boss to introduce themselves. I only introduce myself to people I have not met in person before, or like someone Ive emailed with but never personally met. If by introduce OP just means saying hello/checking in I can see it being a little off but not red flag level.

      OP 1 i would caution you not to create a self fulfilling prophecy, I would say you should be extra friendly/warm. Based on the letter there really isn’t much if anything here. If you are on guard/lookout you might already be looking at this with dark colored glasses/sunglasses (opposite of rose colored ones) and subconsciously act a little colder, and she acts slightly colder and it creates a feedback loop that proves your hunch. I would try give them the benefit of the doubt.

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      1. Ellis Bell*

        I really agree with your last paragraph, even as someone who places a lot of weight on gut instinct. If you have food gut instincts, it’s an opportunity to look at what’s going on with clear eyes, and see how the person is affecting things in the usual context. If you change the context yourself, you miss the opportunity to control the experiment. OP’s feelings are a sign to be aggressively normal and to behave with the benefit of the doubt, regardless of feelings.

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        2. DJ Abbott*

          Give the benefit of doubt, but don’t give an opportunity for the new Director to hurt or compromise OP. Practice CYA, just in case.

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  6. Calamity Janine*

    LW4, if you feel like you should still be doing more… why not encourage others to do the same thing? it’s highly unlikely that you’re the only person who has noticed this excellent leadership, and i also bet that people may want to thank others similarly. it might be a rather nice way to take a breather in the chaos! and as far as fads to try and induce in the workplace, you can do way worse than “what if it’s en vogue to write personal notes to people who you sincerely appreciate for their work during this uncertain time” :)

    …plus it’s potentially an excuse to buy stationary, and who doesn’t love an excuse to buy stationary (she says, with her pile of nicely printed pretty cards that are blank on the inside and she will get around to using someday she swears)

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    1. WoodswomanWrites*

      LW4, it wounds like we’re in comparable circumstances. Like you, I’m at a workplace that is caught in the unpredictable landscape of executive orders.

      Coincidentally, this very thought of expressing appreciation for a leader at my organization came up today. For logistical reasons, I’m unable to give them a physical card. Instead, I sent them an email about how much I appreciate their above and beyond leadership during this tough time, and copied our CEO to elevate the person’s recognition.

      I timed my message so it could be in their inbox first thing tomorrow morning. If it’s buried with everything they’re dealing with, it will no doubt be appreciated when they find it. And I know our CEO will see it.

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  7. New job anon*

    Oh OP1, this just happened to me last week. A coworker at my new job, for lack of a better word, triggered me with behavior similar to that of the coworker who was responsible for leaving my last job. He hijacked a team meeting with complaints and unfounded accusations and just overall pompousness and rudeness. Alison’s advice is what I am doing (I don’t have enough info yet!) and I also spoke with a coworker who saw I was activated. I was like “this is probably me being activated about x,y and z but is this something coworker does” ? like i was sitting there wondering if every team meeting was gonna be this dude’s ranty ego fest. it threw me.

    I didn’t make it a bigger deal than it was because I was mortified that I was visibly upset (even though I was still within reasonably professional norms and the triggering coworker was objectively being a jerk) and the context from this coworker helped. I wish it hadn’t happened so early but on some level I was because the coworker who talked me down gave me info I needed to pump the brakes and follow through with just recognizing how I feel but not acting.

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  8. Nodramalama*

    LW1 I am also confused what “doing due diligence” would look like. Even if they have narccisistic traits, I’m not sure there’s any due diligence to do. That doesn’t mean they can’t so their job. But for now it appears that all that’s happened is that the new boss hasn’t been particuarly friendly. There’s really nothing to do.

    LW2, I don’t know if this is an American thing, but can you ask to buy different stamps so you don’t run into this issue moving forward?

    LW3 it seems pretty weird to me that 1. There is a security system where you can see people’s passwords, which seems like a quite obvious security flaw. And 2. That you’d direct them to change it to something else. OK, so it’s unprofessional to use that as a password, but why does it really matter?

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    1. Chirpy*

      re: stamps: most businesses just buy the generic Forever stamps that come in rolls, which have mostly just had flags on them for years, ever since they were introduced. It’s the most cost effective option (and avoids any controversy over stamp choices).

      (For non-Americans: The Forever stamp is purchased at whatever the current rate for a first class envelope is, but remains good forever even if the price of stamps goes up. So a Forever stamp purchased 15+ years ago for 34 cents can still be used even though the current price is 73 cents, and you don’t need to cover the envelope in one cent stamps to make up the difference. Typically, the fun designs come in sheets of 10-20, and the one the OP uses comes in rolls of 100, which are more commonly used by businesses and are much easier to use when you’re stamping a lot of envelopes.)

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      1. Nodramalama*

        Yeah ok that’s good to know. When I was buying stamps for work we just bought whatever from the post office, which usually are decorated with native plants or animals. I cant imagine anyone being upset by an upside down wombat.

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      2. allathian*

        I’m in Finland, and we have a similar system with forever stamps. The value at the time of purchase is irrelevant so it’s not even posted on the stamp.

        That said, the last time I did any mailing, I worked for a customer survey company. Most of the time I cold called people, which wasn’t as bad as it sounds because all of the people I called had opted in to accept customer survey calls from whichever client we worked for.

        Some of our surveys were written questionnaires, and when I had to mail those, I was so happy to use a franking machine instead of stamps! It was bad enough having to put the questionnaires and cover letters in the envelopes by hand… So many papercuts! Most of those are probably done online now.

        Reply ↓
        1. Bird names*

          I was really stoked the first time I learned of franking machines.
          My last workplace at least used one and it made things so much easier. They were also always set to the current price, so no checking required before digging out old stamps.

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      3. Wendy Darling*

        As a person who has not bought stamps in 10+ years, I’m sorry stamps cost WHAT now? (I am on my last forever stamp from a sheet of 20 forever stamps I bought sometime in something like 2012.)

        Reply ↓
        1. WHAT*

          I’m afraid that’s exactly why stamps cost more these days – they’re used much less so the prices need to go up in order to maintain the service at a profitable level (personally I’m of the opinion that public services shouldn’t need to be run like a private company because your profit comes from a functioning economy but you know).

          I’m pretty sure prices for physical letters will be going up next year when PostNord stops delivering them and private companies take over, because they’ll likely charge the same as delivering a small package.

          Not sure how much I like that decision to be honest.

          Reply ↓
        2. londonedit*

          First-class stamps in the UK will cost £1.70 each from next month, if it makes you feel any better! Of course businesses will usually have franking machines rather than using stamps, because if you’re sending a lot of post then you can get a better deal on postage costs if you have a franking machine for the post room. But yeah, sending things in the post is ridiculously expensive here these days.

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      4. Emmy Noether*

        Thank you for the explanation!

        In systems that have both forever stamps and fixed-value stamps, why would one ever buy the latter? Just for a pretty design and immediate use?

        Germany doesn’t have forever stamps because it was thought that people might buy and hoard stamps as an investment (and with the development of postage prices in recent years, stamps would indeed have quite a nice return – if you could manage to find a buyer).

        My husband is French and used to always buying forever stamps. I had to explain the concept of complement stamps to him.

        Reply ↓
        1. CTT*

          The Post Office regularly does temporary releases of stamps with special designs that people buy even if the value may not be enough in the future. For example, last year they put out a Jeopardy stamp that looked like a clue from the show (I bought a sheet the day they came out). Or I know people who always buys a sheet of whatever winter-specific stamps are out to put on Christmas cards.

          Reply ↓
          1. Emmy Noether*

            I can definitely see Holiday stamps and the like to use right away – especially if the forever stamps have more boring designs.

            I just always end up buying a sheet of ten (with pretty designs!) and then using it over the course of about three years – by which time there have been two price increases. Maybe I should just always buy two sheets of 5 cent stamps at the same time to be prepared.

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        2. Insert Clever Name Here*

          The limited time releases are often fun and sometimes fandom-related, so if I’m at the post office I might buy a sheet of 10 “Women’s History Month” with influential women from US history, or the space themed ones. It also helps support the post office to buy the valued stamps.

          Reply ↓
        3. perstreperous*

          Yes – fixed-value/commemorative stamps are sold exactly for those reasons, and also to collectors which nowadays, I suspect, is the bulk of sales.

          At least in the UK commemorative stamps are rarely seen because you have to go specifically to a Post Office to buy them – definitive stamps (the small single-colour ones with the King’s head as a large part of the design) can be bought from all sorts of locations.

          We had the problem noted by the German authorities but neatly solved it by invalidating all existing forever stamps a few years ago and releasing replacements. To rescue sunk costs there was an official swap scheme – send old forever stamps to a particular address by post and get the same number of replacements, not a cash equivalent, sent back to you a couple of weeks later. As I now rarely use stamps I had about 20 replaced.

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      5. Nina*

        (Non American here – it’s much more common for businesses in my country to buy blocks of postage-included envelopes if they do a lot of mailing – the postage is included in the envelope price, and pre-printed on the corner where a stamp would normally go. Actual stamps are very much for personal/domestic mail nowadays, so there are lots of fun ones.)

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      6. EventPlannerGal*

        Do offices in the US ever use franking machines? If they’re sending enough letters that this is a recurring issue, might that be a worthwhile investment?

        Reply ↓
        1. Insert Clever Name Here*

          My department no longer has an admin, but when we did she kept a role of stamps for one-off mailings. Our company has a franking machine but then you have to go through the whole convoluted mail services workflow.

          Reply ↓
      7. Amy*

        There’s a gazillion choices of Forever stamps. All the choices are online or post offices usually carry 20 or so different lines that change out seasonally.

        They have the new 2025 Love Stamp, Year of the Wood Snake, and then ones like National Parks, orchids, baby wild animals, and Betty White.

        No reason to just stick to flags. Especially in this political environment, I’d go with baby koalas.

        Reply ↓
        1. Emmy Noether*

          Absurdly, the way it’s going, national parks, endangered species, women/minorities and love can also be read as political (even rightside-up). Especially if they are replacing a flag *gasp*. Cute animals do provide good plausible deniability at least, though.

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  9. Cmdrshprd*

    OP 5 IANAL but if you have “vacation time” that you can use for sick leave/time, and that time is at least 16 hrs, plus the 24 hrs of “sick time” they are in compliance, because you have access to 40 hrs to use for sick leave. As I understand it, California does not require paid vacation time. So really the requirement is just 40 hrs of paid leave that can be used for sick/health care reasons. What it is called I don’t think matters as much. So 3 days of official sick time and 2/3+ days of “vacation time” still meets the requirements. But any cali labor lawyers correct me if I am wrong.

    “My employer provides paid time off which I can use for vacation or illness. Will my employer have to provide additional sick leave?
    No, as long as your employer provides the minimum of at least 40 hours or five days per year of paid leave that can be used for health care and that meets other requirements in the law.” From Allison’s link to California sick leave FAQ.

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  10. RLC*

    LW4: A personal note of appreciation/gratitude is the most enduring thing you could give! Sorting through the personal papers of family members after their deaths has clearly shown me the value of a simple yet meaningful note. People will literally keep a note like that until the day they die, it’s so special to them.

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  11. RCB*

    #2, regarding the stamps: I am left handed, though do somethings as a right hander would do, so I can’t remember which is the issue in this case, but everytime I stamp a bunch of envelopes from a roll of stamps, the natural way my hands grab a roll of stamps and peel them off and put them on envelopes has the stamps upside down. I bet that’s your problem, and it’s super easy to solve, you have two options:
    1) Retrain your hands to do it the other direction. (flip the roll of stamps the other direction and then learn to peel and stick with the other hand.)
    2) flip the envelopes 180 degrees clockwise so they are upside down now.

    Personally I would, and did do #2, just flip the envelopes over so they are upside down, the stamp is upside down, the two wrong make a right.

    Reply ↓
    1. Cmdrshprd*

      But for option 2 you have to make sure you retrain your self to put the stamp on the bottom left instead of top right. For mass mailings that might be harder.

      Reply ↓
      1. Allonge*

        Obviously only OP will know if this is a solution or not but ‘which corner’ may be easier to remember than ‘check the stamp orientation’ seems to be.

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  12. Samwise*

    OP 1
    If she’s been there long enough to interact with you several times, a likely explanation is that for some reason she didn’t do it the first day or the r first time you met (forgot, assumed she’d already done it because she’d already introduced herself to a lot of others, got distracted…), and now doesn’t even know she didn’t introduce herself. You’re making quite a big drama about quite a small thing which is easily explained.

    For what it’s worth: it’s appropriate to introduce yourself first. When we’ve had a new supervisor or new hire, I’ve just always walked up to them and said, hi, I’m samwise, the widget specialist. You must be New Person’s Name — pleased to meet with you. I’m not the only one to do this. After all, you have the advantage— she’s new and has to learn a lot of names and faces, whereas you only have to learn hers

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    1. el l*

      Guts do tell us true things. But frequently its not what we think.

      You’re primed to think narcissism. Eliminate far more likely explanations like, they’re shy/awkward. Or really busy. Or even wired benign but different.

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  13. TommieGuard*

    #2: You’re lucky you haven’t been fired – yet – for a repeated offense…unless that’s the plan. What is the problem?

    Reply ↓
      1. Nodramalama*

        They’re lucky they haven’t been fired because they keep putting stamps on upside down? Come on now.

        Reply ↓
    2. WoodswomanWrites*

      That’s an unkind comment to the letter writer. They wrote to receive help solving a workplace problem, not to receive criticism.

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    3. Irish Teacher.*

      There are two problems. One is that this is not deliberate; it is accidental and they are worried it could happen again. And the other is that they got a write-up that wasn’t really accurate. It accused them of making a political statement which they had not done.

      And one can’t really “plan” to do something accidentally.

      I can see why the manager is concerned, but honestly, firing somebody for putting a stamp on imperfectly, even repeatedly, would be overkill. Yes, it could happen if the manager thinks the LW is doing it deliberately as a political statement and that is a major problem, that they could lose their job over something any of us could easily do without noticing at any point.

      Reply ↓
      1. KateM*

        There are two problems with what you wrote, too. One, if something keeps happening accidentally, it is quite understandable for their boss to wonder if it is accident or “accident”. Two, if you know you keep accidentally doing something wrong, it’s your problem to make sure that this accident will not happen in the future, and again it is quite understandable that failing to do so may be grounds for a write-up.

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        1. Irish Teacher.*

          Yes, it is grounds for a write-up but the fact remains that the specific write-up is inaccurate. It is understandable that the boss would wonder and I never said anything to suggest otherwise, but there is a big difference between wondering and writing it down as a fact.

          The problem isn’t that they got a write-up – well, I guess that is a problem in the sense that it’s something nobody wants, but it’s reasonable that they should get one. The problem is that the write-up is not accurate about what happened.

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      2. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

        In the US at-will environment I suspect that the write-up would happen anyway, whatever the reason for the OP’s error, because the upside-down stamp risks causing the org embarassment – at a time of great instability and finger-pointing.

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  14. Jen*

    LW2-if it were me, I would have that write-up matted and framed and hang it on my wall as a badge of honor.

    Reply ↓
    1. Meaningful hats*

      My first reaction reading #2 was that receiving mail from a business with an upside down flag stamp would make me think better of them.

      Reply ↓
    2. Anima*

      Yes, from my privileged European perspective, all US stamps with flags should be upside down. I am quite concerned for y’all and the country.

      Reply ↓
  15. Anastasia Krupnik*

    Op2, you say the issue happens when you are in a hurry. You have to take the time you need to do this task. Do it more slowly and build in a checking step.

    Reply ↓
    1. Nodramalama*

      I don’t know that we can just say, you have the time you need to do this task. What if they in fact do NOT have the time

      Reply ↓
      1. Meaningful hats*

        I used to work at a non-profit that insisted on mailing everything by paper mail. It was not uncommon to have 900+ letters dropped on my desk at 3 pm and being told they needed to be folded, stuffed, addressed, stamped, and mailed by 5 pm. They’re lucky the stamps made it on the correct side of the envelope!

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      2. Anastasia Krupnik*

        Then it seems like they might lose their job.
        Telling the supervisor that time is needed to do this without error seems the smarter move here.

        Reply ↓
        1. Nodramalama*

          Asking for more time is different to just deciding LW HAS more time. If their boss drops 30 letters on their desk at 4.30 to seal and post by 5 before the post comes, then no, they can’t just magically get more time.

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  16. Kella*

    OP2- I can’t articulate what it is but looking at the stamps, I understand why your brain keeps wanting to put them on upside down. There’s a lot of tools you could use. If it’s enough just to remember that the blue goes up, you could focus on that. Or you could place a stamp that’s correctly oriented and tape it to the wall and reference it each time you’re unsure. Or make sure whatever you’re peeling the stamps off of is oriented the correct way and practice the physical movement from stamp to envelope that doesn’t flip it/results in the orientation you want.

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    1. WS*

      Same, they look correct the wrong way up in the image OP linked! Maybe because it feels like the sky should be at the top? But either way, it doesn’t matter why, it just matters that OP finds a way to train themselves to do it the right way.

      Reply ↓
      1. Emmy Noether*

        Yes, I think it’s that we’re used to having sky be at the top, and larger, visually “heavier” objects at the bottom. The largest flag reads almost like a landscape when it’s at the bottom, and it’s cut off so it doesn’t immediately read “flag”. All the shapes and colors want it to be flipped.

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    2. WoodswomanWrites*

      Exactly this. Create an envelope with the stamp on it correctly that you can use as a template, and then just look at that example every time.

      Reply ↓
  17. hedgewitch*

    #2 reminded me that I haven’t seen actual stamps on mail from a company in ages. All the stamped mail I get is from family, friends or really tiny charities.
    Commercial mail usually has a matrix/QR code next to the address that proves that postage has been paid for that letter through some kind of online system.
    If something like that exists with USPS, maybe you could advocate for switching to that? It won’t just fix your stamp orientation problem (which likely isn’t a sufficient argument), but would make the whole mailing process more efficient, leaving you in less of a hurry.

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  18. Ellis Bell*

    Not a diagnosis, but a clarifying question for OP1; you mention how your brain works, and you also mention an optometrist – are you talking about visual processing disorder or dyslexia? It’s my understanding that an optometrist can’t diagnose that, they can only raise the visual issues for further investigation, so if that’s what you mean, I would investigate thoroughly first. Discarding that outside chance for the moment, if you’re struggling to visually check at speed for any reason, don’t rely on visuals. Place the roll of stamps a particular side up, unroll them in a certain direction which benefits your dominant hand (If you struggle with left and right that’s a different symptom to be checked out! But a trick is to wear a watch). Or, just set them out in advance when you have time. Keep true to the orientation you set them out in, and build in time to double check them afterwards (or you and a colleague could check each other’s). Good luck, whether our brains are diagnosably awkward or not, there’s usually a workaround and check points you can build in for any and all levels of blind spots.

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  19. Irish Teacher.*

    LW1, while I’m not not ignoring the possibility that you are picking up on something vague that you can’t really express in words, there is nothing in what you have said that would indicate narcissistic tendencies. The director’s failure to reach out to you could indicate a lack of interest in her job or specifically in yours or it could be that she is feeling overwhelmed and hasn’t had time to talk to you. It could even indicate that she isn’t very competent or invested in her job. But I really don’t think that it would be indicative of narcissistic tendencies.

    Even if it is that she isn’t interested in talking to people she perceives as being in lower roles, I don’t think that would necessarily indicate narcissism. Narcissism has become a bit of a buzz word recently and I think it’s starting to get overused. If she is arrogant and ignores people she perceives as less important than her, it’s an obnoxious trait but unlikely to be much more than an irritation. I had a manager once who basically did that and kind of asked the mid-level managers to get information from lower level people when he could have done it himself but…it was no skin of anybody else’s nose. He was really only making his own life more difficult.

    But I don’t think that is the most likely explanation anyway. It is far more likely she is just trying to get to know everybody and overlooked you or that she is overwhelmed adjusting to a new job and is dropping balls or that she isn’t very familiar with the expectations of her role or a whole load of other things.

    Most people are focussed on themselves.

    Again, I know that was just an example and it is possible to just get a sense of something “off” that is hard to put in words and it is very possible there is a tone that gives you the impression she is deliberately ignoring you, but…I’m not sure there is much “due diligence” to do anyway. Even if she is a bully or a manipulator, there isn’t much you can do about it at this point.

    Due diligence in this case would probably look like not accepting anything she says about other people without question and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, but until/unless she starts making unreasonable demands or trying to set people against each other or isolating people, there isn’t anything to do.

    LW4, as a teacher, I 100% agree on the note. Teachers often get presents from students or parents and honestly, a lot of them get regifted or forgotten about. The things I keep and remember are the cards from students with personal messages and occasionally (though this would not be relevant in the office!) the random things, like a friendship bracelet a student made me or a random gift from a cereal packet that a student brought in for me for some odd reason, because those are things that showed the student was really thinking of me and not just that the parents felt obliged to buy an end-of-year gift.

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    1. Nodramalama*

      I msan also, people have narcisstic tendencies. Doesn’t mean they ARE a narcissist, and doesn’t mean they’re a bad boss or bad person

      Reply ↓
    2. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      Y, narcissism is a leap on this evidence:
      Not bothering much with lower level people usually indicates either snobbishness or not investing more than the bare minimum in those who can’t accelerate her career.

      Reply ↓
  20. Mrs. Pommeroy*

    LW2, I have no idea how stamps in the US work, since I’m in a different part of the world, BUT couldn’t your company simply order stamps with a different motive and same value??
    That would be the easiest solution by far. So maybe you could ask the office admin about that.

    (If you can’t or they won’t, other commenters have already given lots of great ideas for how to tackle your problem :)

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    1. Insert Clever Name Here*

      There are lots of different picture options for Forever stamps, but I would imagine they 1) have several rolls of the flags already purchased and aren’t going to buy more (especially if the cost has gone up) just because LW1 has trouble putting them the right way and 2) may feel like the flag version is more “professional” than the baby koalas.

      Reply ↓
  21. Other Alice*

    #3, you store your passwords in plain text and have a default password, but your main concern is someone using a mildly rude word in their password?? That is not your main problem!

    Reply ↓
  23. Expectations*

    LW1, I’m confused why you think it’s her job to reach out and ask about you. In most places I’ve worked I might never (or very rarely) even meet a director unless I was a direct report, and if I did it would likely be in a large meeting with no 1-1 time. Unless I ran into them in a line or elevator or somesuch and one of us started social chitchat to pass the time I likely wouldn’t converse at all. Further, in my experience, it is far more common for folks to introduce themselves to a director (or other bigwig) if/when the opportunity arises.

    These are gross overgeneralizations, of course, but unless you work in a top heavy environment or a tiny organization, a director often has too many people in too many layers underneath to actively try to get to know every person in their department.

    An example: I once started a job in a group with 8 employees. My boss was the equivalent of a Sr Director. A few months later we were a group of ~12 and she brought a manager in to manage about 8 of us including me. She was still polite if we met in the hallways, but I only saw her once a week in her staff meeting which, by virtue of my role, I was still attending (it was her direct reports + me) but when that new boss left after a few months, the new boss was more senior (more director level) and had me excluded. I almost never saw my original boss again. As we grew more, the new boss built some management structure although, by virtue of my role, I continued to report to him and work across the other teams. He wasn’t really interested in having non-managerial direct reports, though, and point blank told me my work wasn’t a priority for him. When we had about 30 people in the group under 3 different managers, he decided to hire a 4th manager to oversee people in a specific role across all of the teams and shoved me in that management structure. I almost never saw the director-level boss again.

    Both my original boss and that director-level boss remained in my reporting structure until I was laid off, and the director remained my boss’s boss. I had very limited contact with either and, had I been a new employee coming into a 20-30 person group, I likely would have never met the original boss and had limited enough contact with the director that he wouldn’t know much about what I did.

    In general, unless I work directly with or for someone, I don’t know that much about them personally or what they do for the company at any company. If there’s a legitimate business reason I think they need to know more than they do, it would be my responsibility to try to ensure they hear it. I wouldn’t wait around until they think they need to know it as that may never happen (especially if they don’t have the information that would make the need clear).

    So if you think your director needs to know more about what you do and you have the opportunity, tell her.

    So while there may, in fact, be something weird going on, but it’s totally normal for folks you

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  24. Turingtested*

    LW 1, I’m in a similar position to you that I don’t have a high title but I’m well respected at work and my opinion holds a lot of weight. I try really hard to not use that power on things that aren’t concrete. It sounds like you get a bad feeling from the director but can’t put your finger on any clear cut bad actions. I’d hang back, be careful around this person and try to reserve judgement.

    A few years ago we hired an intern. Intern simply would not speak to me. Asked how she was settling in, blank stare. Hi at a meeting, blank stare. She reported to the CEO who asked me what I thought of her. I said nothing, she won’t speak to me. I was hoping he’d coach her on proper office behavior (acknowledge people when they speak to you, not kiss my ass or anything) but he was extremely unhappy and ended her internship. I assume there were a lot of issues but I always felt like I used my power for bad. I should have said she needs coaching on office norms!

    So be careful how you use your capital and influence this person’s success at your organization.

    Reply ↓
    1. So Glad I'm Outta There*

      Is it possible this person had an invisible disability? I had a job once with an older man who had a very deep, raspy type of voice and sometimes I couldn’t immediately understand what he was saying so I would freeze for a second in trying to figure out what he had said in conversation. I have hearing loss and that includes having a harder time understanding people with deeper voices.

      I remember telling both this man and my boss this more than once, but I’m pretty sure they both used it as an excuse to eventually hate on me by the time I left that job. Sometimes it’s not about you, but about their insecurities.

      Reply ↓
      1. Turingtested*

        it’s certainly possible, but we made eye contact and I observed the intern speaking to other people (higher up the chain than me) when spoken to without eye contact and a smile on their end. And I was literally saying Hi or Hello, not giving complicated instructions.

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  25. DJ Abbott*

    Haha, One of the outside companies I access would never take my password. I’m sure we’ve all had that experience where we know the password, but the program keeps saying it’s wrong.
    I changed it to “[Company initials] sucks”, and after that it always worked until the next password change cycle came around, when I changed it back to normal password. :D
    With one of the other outside systems I access, the password has to be typed *t h i s s l o w l y* or it won’t take it. It’s a slow, glitchy, and balky system, but management loves the bells and whistles.

    Reply ↓
  27. Apex Mountain*

    I never knew putting stamps upside down was some kind of political statement. I can’t think of anything less petty to get burned up about. Jesus Christ I wish people would focus on the things that matter

    Reply ↓
    1. Insert Clever Name Here*

      I know that flying the flag upside down is a distress symbol and now a political statement but if I saw an upside down flag stamp I’d just think “oh someone was in a hurry.”

      Reply ↓
    2. londonedit*

      It’s an urban myth in the UK that it’s illegal to put a stamp on upside-down – because our stamps have the monarch’s head on them and allegedly putting that upside-down would count as treason.

      It’s not true – the Royal Mail doesn’t mind which way up the stamp is, as long as there’s a stamp – but apparently Buckingham Palace hasn’t confirmed or denied either way, so there might be a slim chance that you could actually get arrested and thrown in the Tower, I suppose.

      Reply ↓
    3. Pierrot*

      It’s not about the stamps, it’s that the stamps have an image of a flag on them. Q-anon/Q adjacent people were displaying upside down flags after the 2020 election.

      Reply ↓
  28. Corporate Goth*

    LW4, those notes really are appreciated, especially if you can do a physical form someone can take with them as they leave. I found several notes yesterday from a past job that articulated how I’d positively impacted people without even realizing it, and recently received a personalized retirement invitation from someone who really wanted me to be at the ceremony.

    I haven’t been in that job for years, but those notes put me on such a nostalgia trip that I also had to create a list of why no one should ever work at that organization. (Why yes, we did bond over shared trauma.)

    On a few occasions, I did give a select few a bottle of their favorite alcohol, which fit with the unfortunate culture at that org. I ultimately regretted it each time for various reasons. That said, they were mostly peers, plus I was in a position to afford it, was expected by position to express gratitude, and wouldn’t have been able to write a sincere note.

    Reply ↓
  29. Sammy*

    If upside down stamps are a political statement, then rightside up stamps are ALSO a political statement.

    Reply ↓
  31. Ccbac*

    generally, I think that the advice here has been far too generous to op #1. Jumping to call your new boss a narcissist bc they’ve maybe snubbed you by not asking you questions about your role and don’t realize how much power you actually have… feels like something a narcissist might do.

    Reply ↓

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