can I back out after accepting a job?

by Alison Green on March 18, 2025

A reader writes:

What do you owe a company when you accept a position? Is it ever okay to leave a good job only a few weeks after starting?

I worked for a decade in an industry I loved, then burned out hard and left for a better-paying sector. For the past 18 months, I’ve been contracting part-time with a successful startup, doing work that’s similar but less engaging (to me). Since I started here, I’ve made it clear that I’d love to come on as a full-time employee, and for a long time they’ve been saying it’ll happen. My interest is really about the good pay and benefits, since I’ve found this job market very, very tough. I don’t mind the work I’m doing now, but it’s not something I feel invested in.

A few weeks ago, I heard back from an application I’d sent months ago for a once-in-a-blue-moon job in a third industry that I’m very passionate about. The job seemed amazing, but after interviewing I was so stressed about what would happen if I got an offer … because the same day of my interview, my contract job let me know that I had been approved to be hired there as a full-time employee. In the end, I didn’t get the passion job, so nothing came of it and I didn’t have to wrestle with a real decision.

Yesterday, I received the official offer letter at the company where I’ve been contracting. BUT. Another job that sort of mixes my two sectors (passion and practical) popped up on LinkedIn. I felt like I had to at least apply, because it’s exactly in line with my experience and interests. I got a referral from a friend of a friend. And now I’m wracked with guilt.

The job I applied for is competitive, so I don’t expect to get an offer. But if I did, I’d have just officially started my full-time position. My sense of right and wrong is telling me that it’d be awful and would burn bridges if I were to leave a company just a few weeks or a month after starting, especially one where someone used their political capital to get me an offer.

I ran this by some friends and everyone seems to think I should just follow what’s best for my own career – that it’s not an ideal scenario, but that shouldn’t stop me from pursuing the other offer. What’s your take?

You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it.

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{ 39 comments }

{ 39 comments… read them below }

  1. CubeFarmer*

    These companies will throw you over in a second if they needed to, stating “it’s just business.” I don’t think there’s a lot of disincentive to not do the same when something better for you comes along.

  2. Honey Badger*

    Your current company would not lose a wink of sleep if they had to cut you off. Make an informed decision but do what’s best for you.

  3. Skytext*

    Take the other job! Don’t feel bad about it. This company strung you along for A YEAR AND A HALF with vague promises of someday making you full time, while they squeezed all the work they could get out of you with minimal pay and no benefits. And then after “pulling teeth”, a coworker going to bat for you, they reluctantly make the magnanimous and generous offer of……a job. Just a job. And not one you are particularly excited about. You know, something you normally get after a simple interview process, not 18 months of work. It’s no different than when companies drag their feet on making an offer to their top candidate, and then are shocked, SHOCKED, that they didn’t wait around and took another offer. If the company you are currently contracting to truly valued you, you wouldn’t have needed to beg for full time, and they shouldn’t be surprised you found something better by the time they finally grudgingly agreed.

    1. CubeFarmer*

      Yeah, this is a good point. They had no qualms about stringing LW along. LW should have no qualms about making the decision that’s best for themselves.

    2. Beth*

      This is a pretty hostile read of the situation, but there is something behind it.

      It’s not crazy that a startup would need time to demonstrate that there’s enough work to add a full-time hire, shift their finances to allocate the budget for it, go through the logistics of creating a role (write a job description, decide who’s managing it, etc), and show that LW is the right hire for that role. Most startups, even successful ones, are small and working with limited resources. Granted, 18 months is a long time for that. But given that LW has mostly liked this company, and they pay well and have good benefits, odds are they aren’t actively trying to string people along or take advantage of them.

      But even assuming the best of intentions, it’s a fact that OP’s employment was negatively impacted by their business decisions. It shouldn’t be a shock to them, or a big insult, that OP might also make business decisions that might impact them negatively. Assuming they’re as decent as OP seems to think, I’m guessing they’ll be able to roll with it as “business is business”.

      1. rebelwithmouseyhair*

        As a contractor, I’m not sure OP enjoyed all the benefits, surely that’s for staff actually on the pay-roll?

        1. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

          Correct. Beth was saying the company offers good benefits and good pay, both indicators they are not likely stringing contractors along like Skytext was saying.

          1. Raktajino*

            OP said their main interest for a full time job was *in* the good benefits and pay, not that they were currently getting those benefits. To declare whether they were getting them (or not) would be reading a lot into a sentence or two.

            My employer offers good benefits and pay but not to contractors or otherwise temp/part time employees.

            1. Beth*

              My point in noting that the company has good benefits and pay isn’t necessarily that OP was getting them–I hope OP was being paid well, of course, but I assume they at least didn’t get benefits as a contractor.

              But culturally speaking, an employer offering good pay and benefits is usually a sign that they’re a decent place to work. It means they know employee retention is good business in the long run, so they’re not looking to screw people over. That culture of treating people fairly often (not always, but often) extends beyond their full time employees–a smart employer who knows how to value their people usually isn’t the type to throw away a skilled contractor by treating them badly.

    3. X*

      Yep! I lost an employee a couple of years ago after a difficult battle to get him a promotion he very much deserved. He put in his notice shortly after. I didn’t blame him at all, I expected him to be looking after months of fruitless discussion about his career path. I use his example as leverage in similar conversations now.

    4. Letter Writer*

      LW here – oh, this is kind of not how it went down :)

      It was a very generous freelance gig with a great hourly rate that led to the possibility of a full-time position.

      Everyone was very cool and open with me, and was clear that it was hard to get headcount but they wanted me onboard. It took a long time, but I wasn’t getting bites anywhere else, really until the last minute.

      Also, a coworker didn’t go to bat for me – it was at the passion position where a friend of a friend gave me a referral. Not my contract to full-time position.

      I never begged for anything, believe me!

  4. Amber Rose*

    I can’t read the article, but the LW is so relatable. I’m absolutely miserable with guilt over applying to jobs because I’ve only been in this one for 3 months.

    What we feel and what we know don’t always mesh. You KNOW you have to do what’s best for you because the company will do what’s best for them without a second thought. But you still feel like garbage about it.

    Some bridges are OK to burn I think.

    1. Letter Writer*

      LW here… I’m so sorry you’re feeling the same guilt. That’s exactly it – I KNOW it was right to prioritize my career, but in practice, it’s really uncomfortable when people are congratulating you and putting a lot of work into welcoming you onto a team.

  5. Jennifer Strange*

    I mean, would taking the other job burn a bridge? Probably. But it doesn’t sound like a bridge that is particularly useful to you anyway. If you were hoping to return to this company later on or were hoping to move to a position that would require you to engaged/collaborate with this company professionally you might want to consider your options carefully (which doesn’t necessarily mean turning down the other job), but it sounds like you took this work as just a means of income (perfectly valid!) and if you’re able to move to a job that provides both income and interest it’s probably good for you and the other company (as then maybe they can hire someone who is more interested in the work).

    1. Peanut Hamper*

      Agreed. Any time I’ve asked “is this going to burn a bridge?” the answer is usually “yes”. I’ve since learned that the question is not “will this burn a bridge?” but “will I ever have to cross this bridge again?”

      1. MsM*

        And also, “Am I burning a bridge with everyone who I might need to toss me a rope in future, or just the people I’d have to be incredibly desperate to go back to?”

  6. Beth*

    Do what’s best for your career. In a better job market, you might be able to time your job change such that it’s not right after you started your full-time role. Or you might’ve been able to trust that you’d find a more ideal job soon, and not felt the need to push for your contracting role to move to full-time. But in the job market we have, you have to take advantage of job offers when they come to you.

    This is what “I wasn’t really looking, but this opportunity fell in my lap and I couldn’t turn it down” messaging was made for.

  7. Chairman of the Bored*

    Employers generally have no loyalty and are therefore owed none.

    There are whole industries based around enabling companies to send jobs to low cost regions or eliminate them entirely via AI and LLM tools.

    It is very easy to find stories of people who were hired and then laid off within just a few weeks, unrelated to their performance. Nothing personal, just business, etc.

    Since this potential new job seems to be a different industry entirely I wouldn’t worry too much about burning bridges to the extent that it would impact future opportunities.

    I’m a hiring manager. If I found out that a candidate has skedaddled on a previous job under the circumstances LW describes I’d see it as a positive rather than a negative.

    1. Peanut Hamper*

      Your last paragraph: I work in a highly regulated industry and we definitely want people who will speak up if they think something is off, rather than just go with the flow. (We even ask for examples in the interview.) So yeah, I want someone who will advocate for the right things, and this is a prime example.

      This is definitely a good thing.

  8. pally*

    Couple things:
    Only you have your best interests at heart. So only you can take the steps necessary to serve your best interest. No employer does that for you (although sometimes it may seem like they are).

    Maybe modify your sense of right and wrong to include what’s right FOR YOU (and also wrong for you). For some, being very loyal to an employer IS what is right. But there’s a cost either way.

    Now, look ahead a few years. How will you feel -THEN-about turning down a great job solely because you don’t want to cause upset to your current employer of a few weeks? You may have regrets. Are you good with that?

    Lastly, you only live once!

  9. Letter Writer*

    LW here! Oh, point of clarification: I actually got a referral to the 2nd passion job opportunity, not the job I’d been contracting at. Didn’t end up getting either passion job, so it’s a moot point, but hoping this answer from Alison is affirming to others! :)

    1. A Simple Narwhal*

      Thanks for clarifying! I actually just posted another comment asking exactly that, since my interpretation was that the referral was for the other job and not the current contracting company, but that was different than the advice offered. Nice to see I wasn’t imagining things!

      It’s a bummer that you didn’t get the second passion job, are you still looking around or are you happily full time at the startup?

    2. Higgins*

      I’m really glad you submitted, I’m in a similar contract to hopefully permanent situation and trying to figure out what I owe the organization that may or may not make me a permanent employee!

      1. Letter Writer*

        I’m glad it’s helpful! I feel pretty good about having a full-time position now, it’s a relief after getting absolutely no offers for the past year!!

  10. A Simple Narwhal*

    My interpretation of the referral is that a friend of a friend referred them for the other job they just applied for, not for the current contracting job, but Alison and another reader’s responses seem to be giving advice based on the referral being for the full time offer. I thought LW mentioned the referral because it increases the likelihood of getting an offer and having the issue occur, showing us that they’re not just worrying about it after simply applying for another job.

    It doesn’t materially change the advice but I was curious if anyone else interpreted it similarly.

    1. Letter Writer*

      You’re correct – I was referred by a friend of a friend for the 2nd passion job that I did not get. Didn’t have/need a referral for my contract –> full-time postion.

  11. Lily Rowan*

    For the second LW, I would think you could get a good sense of whether that will be an issue or not by looking at the company’s website – do they have a lot of individual contacts listed? Are there lots of group photos? etc. Depending on how large the employer is, different units might have different practices — I’m at a university and it’s all over the map depending on the area and department.

    1. AtoZ*

      I had a manager who was the CFO in a similar situation. That role historically was always published across the website and highlighted pretty significantly. But when this new CFO came in, they were able to keep the info private. I expect the CFO asked for this once the offer was in hand.

  12. Ex manager*

    14 years ago I was offered and accepted a job – signed the paperwork and everything, but then backed out in favor of another, higher paying job where I rose to management. 7 years ago that job outsourced my employees overseas, and laid me off, and I ended up…applying to, being offered, and accepting a higher level version of the same job at the same place I had been offered 7 years earlier, where I still work. It happens.

  13. My Outie Hoards Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs*

    I once got to the final phase after interviewing and got a “sorry, you were our top candidate but management has just instituted a hiring freeze so now there’s no job” phone call. I later found out that a person who had already been hired at that company and was supposed to start work the following Monday after giving notice had her job offer rescinded. Companies do what’s best for them all the time. You should not feel guilty for doing that yourself.

  14. Sloanicota*

    Other people must have better returns on applications than I do. It doesn’t sound like getting the other job is super likely (edit I now see OP’s comment that she didn’t get it) so this is kind of borrowing trouble to me – just applying for a job isn’t some irrevocable mistake. By the time you actually got the offer stage, if you did, you would have a lot more information to make the decision. If I were you at this point I might take a break from job searching and focus on settling into the job you just took, but one delayed application is not something to get wrought up about.

  15. K Smith*

    Purely anecdotal, but I am observing an increase in people getting job offers, and then those job offers are pulled *by the employer* a few days later because of budgeting deficiencies (aka ‘whoops we realized we don’t have enough money to hire you’).

    Ya gotta look out for yourself OP – it sure would suck if you accepted the lesser job offer out of some misplaced sense of obligation, turned down the great job offer, and then the lesser job offer was rescinded!

  16. Cinderella*

    We had a new hire quit before lunch on his first day because a better job came along. It ended up totally fine. The only reason I even remember that guy is because I took it as a lesson to never feel bad about doing what’s best for my career.

  17. Southern Violet*

    Sure. Be exactly as loyal to them as they are to you: not at all. They’d lay you off with no thought so why not leave when you want to?

  18. learnedthehardway*

    Recruiter here – do what is best for you / your career. The company will definitely do the same.

    It’s not personal: it’s business. That goes both ways. If someone is offended and takes it personally, that’s on them.

    If you got the second job to which you were referred, just tell your current employer that you hadn’t expected to be referred or hired, but that it is too good an opportunity to pass up.

    Also, think of it another way – you taking that other job frees up the one you have for someone else. Perhaps a colleague will be promoted or another contractor will be made perm, or someone who needs career growth / better compensation / a sane workplace will be hired from outside. Maybe the business will reorganize how it does things to become more efficient, or maybe a new person will bring a different perspective. Businesses are like organisms – they need challenge and change to adapt and evolve.

  19. Bookworm*

    I backed out of a job earlier this year (signed the paperwork, etc.) from a place that had initially rejected me a few years ago. I had some hesitation (I just didn’t get the job, no issues that I know of) because this job would require direct interaction with the US government. Nothing contentious like legal proceedings or whatever, but I’d have to deal with the offices/departments, etc. and, well, uh.

    At this time the office I would have interacting with quite had the issues other departments/agencies/etc. have had (ie, as of now, it still exists and still functions AFAIK) but this was not something I wanted to deal with. The bridge is burned but even if the the general situation was different I think in retrospect I closed that door when they rejected me a few years ago. But given the chaos with the USG, I think mentally this was the best course for me.

    Perhaps not directly related, but maybe some perspective? There isn’t any one or “correct” answer.

  20. IT Manager*

    This just happened to me yesterday – a candidate accepted a job offer, went through background screen, had a start date set and then reneged.

    I’m not “mad”, but we do mark him ineligible for hire in the future. Ok, yeah I’m slightly mad, we expended significant effort on recruiting and we’ve released all the other good candidates at this point. So yeah, do what’s best for your career but recognize that your career isn’t going to include coming back to my company.

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