weekend open thread – March 15-16, 2025

by Alison Green on March 14, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: The Rachel Incident, by Caroline O’Donoghue. A best friendship is upended when one of the friends begins an affair with a married professor. (Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

You may also like:
{ 100 comments }

{ 100 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. reading thread*

    Reading thread! What are you reading and what do you think of it?

    I just finished the Safekeep which was one of the recommendations here a few weeks ago and wow, it took my breath away when I realized what was going on. (I won’t spoil it.)

    Reply ↓
    1. Dark Macadamia*

      I finished “The Great Believers”, which was really good but had my frequent pet peeve of mixing a lackluster modern storyline with an excellent historical one. I felt so immersed and invested in the 1980s chapters but the 2015 ones felt pretty much unnecessary to me, like the story I wanted kept getting interrupted. Still a nice read overall, sad but in a cozy/comforting way.

      Reply ↓
      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        I finished the mystery short story collection *The Adventures of Ellery Queen*. It was okay–some of the mysteries were easier to figure out than others. Content warning for some racist language in the story “Three Lame Men.”

        I did not finish Toni Cade Bambara’s *The Salt Eaters*, which had some magical realism and stream of consciousness and also wasn’t the most informative about who was speaking all the time. It was a cool story — about women with healing, magical powers, about activism, about sexism in activist movements — but I just wasn’t cognitively up to the difficulty of reading it right now.

        Reply ↓
      2. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        I liked it too, and I 100% agree with you — we could have just skipped the later parts of the book and stayed in the 1980s! A really good look at the AIDS crisis in Chicago in the 80s.

        Reply ↓
        1. Dark Macadamia*

          Yeah, I had just come from reading Girl with the Louding Voice (book club pick I wouldn’t have chosen for myself) and abandoning Parable of the Talents (good but Too Much) which were both sad in the “brutal suffering” way so the comparative “quiet grief” type of sadness in this one was a better reading experience. Like I didn’t “enjoy” the book but it struck a chord I appreciated.

          Reply ↓
    2. Strive to Excel*

      I have gone back to a childhood comfort series and reread Talking To Dragons, by Patricia Wrede. The adventures of a princess who decides she’s not interested in Proper Princess behavior, so she goes off to work for a dragon. It’s an excellent little lighthearted take on the “twist a fairy tale” genre and I highly recommend it for middle schoolers and up. Wrede has some more serious young adult/adult fiction that’s good too.

      Reply ↓
      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        My sister was just recommending Rebecca to me (in the context of saying she’s bored now that her kids have grown up and left home and she feels like she needs all the work of running a big house that Rebecca had to deal with to keep herself entertained — I told her she needs to crochet, make sourdough, and foster cats*). Are you liking it?

        * I think she’s going to foster cats.

        Reply ↓
        2. Falling Diphthong*

          The series My Life is Murder, with Lucy Lawless, is set around the idea of a police detective who retires from policing to bake sourdough bread, but winds up consulting on the occasional interesting murder. A possible life path!

          Reply ↓
        3. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

          Oh, you (and everyone, I feel) should totally read *Rebecca*, and don’t let anyone spoil for you any of the surprises that pop up in the plot. It starts slowly, but it gets more and more exciting.

          The book is still good if you’ve seen the movie (which is slightly, but not that materially, different, but it would be even better if you didn’t know what was coming.

          And to anyone whose gaydar/transdar is picking up some stuff as you read, it’s not your imagination! Daphne DuMaurier was bi, as I think one of DuMaurier’s sisters was, and I think the third sister was a lesbian. As a teen, DuMaurier also lived for a couple of years identifying as a boy.

          After you read *Rebecca*, you might be interested in Mary Wings’s *Divine Victim*, which is a lesbian re-imagining of *Rebecca*. It’s not nearly as fun to read and is a rather difficult read (content warning for lesbian domestic violence/sexual assault), but it is a super-creative and interesting take on what happens in the original novel.

          Reply ↓
          1. Charlotte Lucas*

            It was Jasper Fforde’s The Eyre Affair that got me to read Rebecca.

            I love du Maurice’s use of scents. And there’s some interesting things about names, too.

            Reply ↓
    4. CeeLee*

      I finished listening to Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki by Haruki Murakami. I read a lot of his books years ago and always liked them. This one was darker than the others, and more upsetting.

      My evening Kindle read has been the Artefacts of Ouranos series. I’m finishing up on the 3rd book, and though there are also some dark parts, it’s overall an enjoyable romantasy series.

      Reply ↓
    6. Reader Robert*

      I’m reading The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean. Just started but definitely not what I expected. Should have read the cover a little more closely.

      Reply ↓
    7. Falling Diphthong*

      I reread Killers of a Certain Age because I so enjoyed the sequel, Kills Well with Others. Four assassins–initially recruited for being pretty young women everyone underestimates; now 60 year old women everyone underestimates–are given a retirement cruise, on which they discover their employer is trying to kill them. Assassinating ensues.

      I picked up The Conductors by Nicole Glover, magical alternate history set in 1871 Philadelphia. Main character, Hetty, was a conductor on the Underground Railroad and now uses those skills to solve mysteries the authorities overlook, since the crimes are committed against the Black residents of Philly. So far really engaging.

      Reply ↓
    8. Lizard*

      I’ve switched to reading one chapter of Vanity Fair a week so that I can read other things the rest of the week. I’m estimating that I’ll finish it in November, but I think I’ll appreciate it more.

      Finished:
      The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood. I really liked how it tied together with the first book in the series (Oryx and Crake), even though the main characters were completely different.
      The Case of the Missing Servant by Tarquin Hall. It’s a good, solid mystery. If you’re anything like me, you should make sure that you have access to Indian food while you’re reading it so that you don’t get to jealous of his meals.
      From The Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. I hadn’t read this since my dad read it to me, so it was a lot of fun to revisit.

      Currently reading:
      The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty – enjoying it so far!
      The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley. It’s a fun idea, but I’m really struggling with the writing. She uses as lot of weird metaphors and adjectives that distract me from the story. I think I would probably prefer it as a Mork and Mindy-style sitcom.

      Reply ↓
      2. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        I love that you’re getting into the spirit of treating a 19th-century novel as a serial! Great idea!

        Reply ↓
    9. Charlotte Lucas*

      I finished Piranesi, loved it, and just bought my own copy for a future reread.

      I am now reading Artists in Crime, as part of my project to read all Ngaio Marsh’s mysteries.

      Reply ↓
    10. Jackalope*

      I just started We’ll Prescribe You a Cat, by Syou Ishida. I feel like I may have heard about it here, but not sure. It’s about a mysterious clinic that prescribes cats to all of the people who come in, and the stories of those people and their new cats. I’d say it’s kind of magical realism, although that’s just based on vibes and not an official determination. I would definitely recommend it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jackalope*

        I forgot; I also read the latest in Seanan McGuire’s Incryptid series. It’s just came out this week, and I rushed through it. So much fun, and I love that series a lot. For anyone who is interested, it’s a series about a family of cryptid zoologists (fantasy/sci-fi -ish). I’d recommend starting back at the beginning, though, since this book won’t make sense if you don’t know who anyone is.

        Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          I remembered this one was coming out and reread the previous one first, and I’m so glad I did.

          Reply ↓
    11. Bluebell Brenham*

      A lot of female-centered reading this week. Started with Blob, which Alison recommended. I liked it, but definitely think it could have been better. Then read Chelsea Devantez’s excellent memoir I Shouldn’t be Telling you This [but I’m Going To Anyway]. Definitely a notch above most comedy writer memoirs. Now I’m reading Perfume and Pain by Anna Dorn. Very messy main character and I’m liking it, but not loving it.

      Reply ↓
    1. MissB*

      Walking. Simple joy of walking.

      I had a total knee replacement 2.5 weeks ago and I was able to walk without a walker at the 2 week mark. I met my range of motion goals already too.

      I still have some pain, but it isn’t arthritic pain and I’m just so incredibly happy.

      Reply ↓
      1. CeeLee*

        Woo! I’ve been going to PT for tennis elbow for 3 months, and this week has been the first week I could put dishes away in the cabinet without intense pain.

        Reply ↓
    2. Peanut Hamper*

      Very little made me happy this week (The Place That Shall Not Be Named was especially delightful this week) but we have had sunny days for most of the week and just walking out of the building, closing my eyes, and standing there feeling sunshine on my face for the first time in weeks was pure delight.

      Reply ↓
    3. word nerd*

      My son had the day off school, so we celebrated Pi Day by making a delicious pear galette with ginger and cinnamon, homemade pizza, and boba tea (uh, because the boba is round?). The crust was so amazing despite my being a baking novice that now I’m thinking about using the recipe again without sugar for a savory galette…

      Reply ↓
    4. AnotherRetiredLibrarian*

      This week I discovered that my mini-waffle maker and slightly larger griddle works for cooking more than just waffles, hamburgers, and grilled cheese sandwiches. Mind boggling for a basically lazy uninspired cook.

      Reply ↓
  3. Challenger*

    For those of you who have purposefully gone no contact with long-standing friends from childhood, what was the trigger to walk away? How are you coping? Any advice? I had to make that decision recently after 25+ years of friendship. It was needed but difficult.

    Reply ↓
    1. Zona the Great*

      I ended a 15 year friendship after a long series of really bad life choices on her part. The final straw involved her child and I realized I could no longer be part of her life. She and her husband are still together last I checked even after a serious DV incident. I have felt free and light after ending it, to be honest. It’s been almost 10 years since then and I don’t have any regrets.

      Reply ↓
    2. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      With a cousin — she had been super-controlling about a health problem that I had had already. When she called to “check in,” I had just gotten diagnosed with cancer. I hadn’t even told her yet, and I was dreading dealing with her again so much that when she started being controlling about the previous problem, I politely said goodbye and hung up the phone. She called back and harangued me for hanging up, and that was the last straw for me.

      Reply ↓
    3. Bek the Wreck*

      It’s definitely hard, and I hope that my situation can help a little. I did this with a childhood friend of about 30 years after realising that spending time with her made me sad and anxious. The final straw was her sending me vile political propaganda after promising to re-examine where she gets her information. After that, I realised that I could no longer consider her a good person.

      I grieved the friendship for a long time – I still do, I suppose – but what helped me the most was remembering my reasons for ending it. I feel that by tolerating her terrible opinions, I would have been supporting or encouraging them. And that’s not the kind of person I want to be.

      Reply ↓
    4. HannahS*

      I had a 13 year friendship end a few years ago. It was hard and very abrupt (we argued over text and never spoke again) and it took me a good 3 or 4 years to make peace with it. It helped me to think about it like ending a romantic relationship, and to let myself grieve the loss of someone who had been a big part of my life for a long time. And after a few years, I feel at peace with it, and I can remember the good times fondly while also not needing to get back in touch.

      Reply ↓
  4. Cheesesteak in Paradise*

    Crock Pot or Instant Pot GOATs

    Sometimes for my schedule using a crock pot or instant pot works better for making dinner. But I’m bored of my current recipe ideas. What are your GOAT recipes for either appliance? We have no dietary restrictions.

    Mine is turkey meatballs in marinara – 1 pound ground turkey, 1/4 cup Parmesan, 1/4 cup breadcrumbs, Italian seasoning, 1 egg, S&P. Briefly sear meatballs then cook in crockpot in marinara sauce for 4 hours on high.

    Reply ↓
    1. CeeLee*

      Lasagna soup in the IP. Our go-to is the pumpkin lasagna soup from Rainbow Plant Life. She has an Instant Pot cookbook too

      Reply ↓
    2. Peanut Hamper*

      I like Instant Pot “lasagna”. I found a YouTube video which I’ll add in a follow-up comment.

      Reply ↓
    4. Atheist Nun*

      Rajma in the Instant Pot is delicious (I mean, rajma via any method is delicious in my opinion). I found a good recipe on Piping Pot Curry.

      Reply ↓
      1. Pepper*

        All kinds of soups and beans in the Instant Pot – especially green split peas.
        I do all kinds of variations. For the last one I had some green peppers, and fresh (but grocery store blah) tomatoes, plus onion, garlic, some Italian seasonings, and I added a bit of lentils to the dry split peas.

        I tend to make them really more like a thick stew than a soup. So, how soup like or how stew like is another variation.

        Reply ↓
    1. Victoria, Please*

      I was thinking it’s like a Renaissance portrait. Wallace has this little sly smirk going on over the shoulder.

      Reply ↓
  6. Jazz and Manhattans*

    I need a new hairdo as my current cut just is not working even though I’ve had it for 4 ys. Not sure if it’s my hair doing weird things now that I’m getting older or my stylist. I had this cut before (with the same stylist) and just don’t remember these issues. Does anyone have sites they like to use to find new styles (extra points if I can upload a picture and see how the style might look on me!)? I’m looking for short to mid length styles. Note that I’ve been working with my stylist to get things right for some time, I’m at the point of looking at other styles rather than looking for a new stylist.

    Reply ↓
  7. HannahS*

    I need help buying underwear. I’ve been wearing the same, incredibly boring hip-height briefs from Jockey for what feels like 10 000 years and I could do with a change. I like full coverage behind, and a mid-rise. Mostly cotton is ideal. Any stores or brands I should check out?

    Reply ↓
    2. RC*

      I got annoyed with VS having nothing cotton anymore (seriously… even the ones categorized as “cotton”… but I had a gift card, so). Just bought some to try from Pact and Duluth Trading Co (based on suggestions a couple weeks ago actually) and I think they’ll be good although I haven’t put them into rotation yet. I will say that the Duluth bikini ones that are *not* high-cut go way too high for most of my jeans (which seemed counter-intuitive… what does high cut actually mean??) but that pair was on sale and fit okay enough so I’m not going to bother returning them. But now that I know my size for sure I think I’ll get more later on. Pact had various cuts from bikini to boy shorts too, depending on what you like. Only thing that might be annoying is some front-hip seams, TBD.

      tl;dr: I’ll follow this thread too!

      Reply ↓
    4. Chapeau*

      I love the house brand from Macy’s. Charter Club, I think. Lots of cute prints, seasonal stuff, variety of cuts and styles.

      Reply ↓
  8. Teapot Translator*

    What are you listening to? Let’s hear about the podcasts, radio shows or even albums/playlists you’ve been listening to!

    Reply ↓
    1. Teapot Translator*

      I’ve been catching up on No Such Thing as A Fish and slowly listening to the newest You’re Dead to Me season.

      Reply ↓
    2. Falling Diphthong*

      You’re Dead to Me is my go to for doing stuff with my hands while my brain is less occupied. (Sewing, cooking, cleaning.)

      Reply ↓
    3. Unwelcome Guest*

      I’ve been listening to Overdue, a podcast with two guys talking about books. I find them quite funny, their episode on Beauty And The Beast had me cracking up in the car.

      Reply ↓
    4. RC*

      How Did This Get Made is my escapist ridiculousness at the moment. There have been some quality bad movies there recently.

      I also have the audiobook checked out for “What if we get it right?” by Ayana Elizabeth Johnson but I haven’t played it yet because I can’t tell if it’ll just make me angry because we are in the Worst Timeline and she wrote it before that.

      Reply ↓
    5. Weekender*

      the popcast with knox and Jamie! a fun, quirky podcast about pop culture, movies, and general chatter

      Reply ↓
  9. Green Goose*

    Hi all! I’m trying to be better about not spending my evening scrolling on my phone after putting the littles to bed.
    Any tips? I can’t really leave the house, and can’t make a lot of noise (small house where small noises can wake up said littles). I LOVE making Lego kits but it’s a bit pricey and they are starting to take over my bookcase, I like painting but sometimes when I’m feeling a tad lazy it just feels like too much to set up, paint and then clean everything up.
    I like crosswords, card games, really up for suggestions and this seems like the perfect group for this type of question.

    Reply ↓
    1. Pidgeot*

      Are you interested in knitting or crocheting? Cross stitch can be pretty easy to get into if you start with the pre-printed kits (it’s like color by numbers but with stabbing). Couple those with podcasts or audiobooks and it should keep your hands and mind occupied.

      Reply ↓
    3. Falling Diphthong*

      Do you have a tablet, Macbook Air or Pro? Procreate is incredible software I discovered in an art class (it was used by the professional illustrator teaching the class) that really is like working with a brush, or pencils, or charcoal, but without the potential mess of paint and ink, the need to store everything and do something with the finished piece, etc. Works with the Apple pencil but also with your finger.

      Bonus: Procreate is sold to you for a one-time price of around $15 and then you own it. They rejected the subscription model. And they have rejected AI, reading their userbase as really not seeing any value there.

      Extra bonus: My library, under “Lifelong Learning,” offers a ton of videos from CreativeBug, teaching Procreate and a zillion other crafts. Worth checking as a resource.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hlao-roo*

        I’ll add on to this a little bit: reading magazines or short stories? Or even comic books/graphic novels? Those are all generally easier to start and stop than full-length novels or non-fiction books, so it might be easier an easier switch away from the phone.

        Reply ↓
    5. RagingADHD*

      Murdles are logic puzzles that are like a cross between sudoku and Clue. There are at least 3 books in the series. Very nice for a lightweight but kind of tricky puzzle.

      Reply ↓
    7. Peanut Hamper*

      I just bought a set of Left Right Center dice and chips at the dollar-and-a-quarter store with the intention of developing a solitaire version of it. If you like card games, maybe figuring out different versions of them?

      And if you like games in general, you can always figure out a new version of Piecepack (piecepack dot net). Given your situation, a game where you have to accomplish something (making dinner, exerrcising, laundry, watching TV, etc.) without waking up the “littlest monsters” might be something a lot of people could relate to.

      Reply ↓
    1. Sloanicota*

      My pie was a disaster haha sob. I was trying to make a chocolate chess pie with a graham cracker crust, but I couldn’t find the vinegar I bought specifically for the recipe, and when I pulled down my mixing bowl I dropped it and shattered my pre-baked crust. Still proceeded because, I mean, it’s butter and sugar, it’s going to taste okay even if it’s not ready for instagram.

      Reply ↓
    2. Falling Diphthong*

      Ordered pizza for dinner in honor.

      When I stopped at the farmstand they had individual apple pies, but only large size pecan pies. I love pecan pie but one slice does me for the next month.

      Reply ↓
    3. Dark Macadamia*

      THAT’S why my math teacher coworker had a pumpkin shirt with Pi on it today! I saw her from far enough away that I wasn’t able to ask and it seemed a bit Halloweenish for March :)

      Reply ↓
    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      We had pizza. I got the makings for a key lime pie but didn’t remember until it was too late so I’ll make that in the morning :)

      Reply ↓
  12. Unwelcome Guest*

    Is it rude to ask to stay with a family member/friend so you can go to an event near them when you don’t normally go to visit them?

    I have a brother who lives several states away from me, a plane flight away. He moved right before Covid and obviously I didn’t see him in-person for a while due to Covid. I finally saw him in-person at a family gathering back in our hometown but I had not gone out to see him in his new place. A year or two ago, there was a one-time event held in the city where he lives that I wanted to see. I talked with another family member about asking my brother if I could visit and stay with him to attend this event. This person said it was rude to ask this when I hadn’t been out just to see my brother and now I was only asking to go for this event. I said that I would obviously spend time with my brother, buy him some meals as a thank you, and even offer to pay if he wanted to go to the event with me (I doubt he would have been interested in the event but I would have been delighted if he wanted to come with me), but this other family member insisted it was rude. Partially due to that person’s remarks and partially due to finances, I didn’t ask my brother and didn’t go to the event, which I still regret as it’s never come back.

    Now there’s a different event in a different location with a different family member (my aunt) who I also only see at large family gatherings and haven’t made an effort to visit at her house before. I’m just as friendly and close with my aunt as my brother and I’d extend the same offer of meals and an invite to the event. Personally if either my brother or my aunt asked to stay at my place for an event when they’ve never come just to see me before, I would welcome them. But is this an error in social decorum that I’ve overlooked?

    Reply ↓
    1. Falling Diphthong*

      It’s one of those things that varies by the people involved. If you overall have a warm relationship (even if just when you see each other at family gatherings every few years) I think it’s usually a good idea, if the person has a spare room. If the other person privately feels ignored or used by you, then it’s likely to land poorly.

      There are many people who would think “Great, a chance to see Ungie! And with built in entertainment for her so I don’t have to plan stuff.”

      Reply ↓
    2. Sloanicota*

      This is a tough one as there are plenty of people I’d expect to be totally happy to hear “I’m in your area, I’d love to hang out while I’m there” (my siblings) and others who would struggle with this (my elderly aunt). If I’m only willing to do the event if I get a free place to stay, that’s a bit tough too; ideally, I’d be totally willing to rent a hotel room but if they offer that I can stay with them, great.

      Reply ↓
    3. Peanut Hamper*

      My family is Extremely Not Normal™ but I think in your situation I would have approached your brother and said “Hey, I’m coming to your city for _event_ and was wondering if you could recommend any places to stay and if you would have any time to visit while I’m in town?” and then just go off of whatever he said. He might have recommended a hotel, or he might have said “A hotel? No, come and stay with me!” That puts the ball pretty firmly in his court and lets him establish whatever boundaries he might need.

      Reply ↓
      1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        This. I absolutely one thousand percent do not tolerate anyone inviting themselves to stay at my house, including my parents and ESPECIALLY my siblings, but if someone I was willing to host asked me for where-to-stay suggestions in my neck of the woods, I’d be happy to offer them my guest room if timing/logistics worked out, or a hotel recommendation with an invite for dinner if it didn’t. But the emphasis there is definitely on OFFER.

        Reply ↓
      2. Despachito*

        This is a great idea!

        So you make him feel free to offer if he feels like it, and if he doesn’t, he is not forced to refuse.

        Reply ↓
    4. Dark Macadamia*

      I think it’s fine in theory but depends on the relationship – how close you are, if they are the type of person to enjoy houseguests in general, etc. Maybe a good way to split the difference is let them know you’re going to be in their area and want to see them, and let them decide if they want to offer to host you.

      Reply ↓
  13. Just Want to Mess Around*

    Okay, maybe a weird question. I have kind of a boring, finicky career so I love to do messy creative projects on my own time as an antidote. However, I keep running into people who have a lot of enjoyment and emphasis on Doing Things Right, and in my hobby spaces, I am ticking these people off (and honestly, vice versa). I suspect some people are just a lot naturally higher on the conscientiousness scale than I am, so Doing Things Right is a source of joy in its own merit, as is “working hard at something with a lot of discipline to show improvement.” They would really like to teach me the right way and want me to listen respectfully and then diligently labor at the task. Mad respect, but I am the OPPOSITE of that in my hobby life. I want to jump in and play around, not follow directions or listen to a lot of rules. What hobbies do you think might lend itself better to my fellow Type-B people? And am I totally alone in this predilection?

    Reply ↓
    1. Peanut Hamper*

      Sounds like you’ve run into a lot of gatekeepers.

      I’m not sure what hobbies you’re into, but there are a lot of people on Instragram that do really cool crafts who don’t insist on doing it The One True Way.

      Maybe search for your craft and add “for kids” to the search query? People who do crafts with kids tend to be a lot less rigid about The One True Way. I saw someone doing the equivalent of a linoleum block print the other day, only they were using the foam trays that come under meat or produce, and I thought “yep, that’s about where I am with this” and went and dug some of those trays out of the recycling bin.

      Honestly, the point of doing crafts is to have fun and relax, so any time I run into people like the ones you are running into, I just use a pointed stick to push them away. Gatekeepers be damned.

      Reply ↓
      1. Just Want to Mess Around*

        So far the hobbies are: knitting group (I may not hold my needles correctly and don’t use patterns, and when I need to do something tricky I switch back and forth between knit and crochet – so my projects are sometimes kind of ugly, but that’s not … really hurting anyone but myself?) cello, but I just play for myself, not with an orchestra or anything – stained glass, although I did pay attention in the “basics” class so I’m not a safety hazard, but my pieces rarely fit perfectly together and I don’t mind uneven soldering if I think the final product is cool. I’m thinking if I switched to something like painting w/ acrylics perhaps people wouldn’t be as annoyed by my failings?

        Reply ↓
    2. RagingADHD*

      Does your practice of the hobby impinge on theirs? Like, if you were all performing together, would your messy practice screw up the show? Or is it the kind of thing that presents safety issues?

      If so, then you probably need to find solo hobbies so you aren’t negatively impacting other people.

      But if that’s not a factor and these people are just interfering and trying to boss you around, then I think you may have just run into a common problem in hobby spaces, where the gatekeepers / killjoys glom onto newbies because the newbies are the only ones who will put up with them. It’s not necessarily the nature of the hobby, but a theme in pretty much all group dynamics.

      Usually if you politely insist that you’re fine, thanks, or some noncommittal comment like, “Well, that’s one way of looking at it,” they will eventually get tired of it. And then you can look for the folks who are also doing their own thing creatively. They tend to not put themselves forward as much, because they’re minding their own business instead of trying to mind everyone else’s.

      Reply ↓
    3. RLC*

      Firstly: you’re not alone! There’s at least two of us….
      My hobbies include quilting, gardening, and furniture restoration. Mostly self taught from books and questions to like minded hobbyists. The “hobby rules enforcement” has criticized me for developing my own quilt designs and rejecting published patterns (also for never taking classroom sewing lessons) and for filling my garden with unfashionable Victorian flowers, among other “concerns”.
      Perhaps the best part of self teaching from books or other media is the ability to set aside or to choose to ignore the guidance without criticism. Humans can be deeply invested in their way of doing a hobby, to the point of discouraging others as you have found.
      Also, I’ve observed that older (pre-1950) books and magazines on hobbies and crafts tend to be less structured and prescriptive in their guidance, more a collection of ideas and suggestions and general framework.
      Good luck and hope you discover a fun hobby: in my eyes the entire point of a hobby is to play!

      Reply ↓
      1. Just Want to Mess Around*

        Ooh yeah I had to stop quilting. The “right” way to quilt was a lot of to-me-ugly-looking repetitive patterns that are very precise to cut, and the quilts I liked were “picture quilts” that “weren’t really quilting.” LOL.

        Reply ↓
  14. Falling Diphthong*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    Discovered that The Bletchley Circle (excellent short series set a few years after WW2, in which women who worked as British code breakers solve a series of murders by analyzing the pattern behind the killing) has a third season in which two of the characters come to San Francisco. Well drawn characters I really like, and the setting is well done. The mysteries (it’s 8 episodes split into 4 mystery arcs) are a little pat compared to the complexity of the first two entries in the series, but serviceable and it’s nice to see the approach broken down the way you would tackle a tough coding/computing problem.

    Reply ↓
    1. Charlotte Lucas*

      Just finished Season 5 of Miss Scarlet (formerly Miss Scarlet and the Duke, but the Duke is now gone). I miss the Duke but still love the show.

      Saw Season 1 of The Outlaws. It was really good. Funny and thoughtful, with a gradual unfolding of how everyone got to the point where they’re all doing community service. Darren Boyd and Christopher Walken are both in it, which was a real selling point for me.

      Reply ↓
    2. Teapot Translator*

      I’m watching Saint-Pierre, a new CBC police series set in Saint-Pierre-et-Miquelon, near Newfoundland. It’s not very good, wish it was better.

      Reply ↓
    3. Peanut Hamper*

      I found out a little bit ago that most episodes of the original In Search Of… with Leonard Nimoy are available on YouTube, so I downloaded them and have been using them to fall asleep. Most of the topics are kind of ridiculous (plant ESP, mummy curses, etc), the music is amazing (quite techno for the late 1970s), and I have Mr. Spock telling me weird stories as I drift off to sleep.

      Reply ↓
  15. CTT*

    Multi-room speakers! I just moved into my first house, and unlike my previous apartments, it’s big enough that you can’t hear music from wherever you’re standing, not to mention the yard. Sonos is the brand I first heard of ages ago for multi-room speakers, but I know there are other options. If you have strong feelings for or against any particular brand, please share!

    Reply ↓
  16. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing, and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    My spouse is prepping for our new D&D campaign which is coming up soon. We didn’t play this week, but are figuring out our characters and starting to decide how the group will come together. I think it’s going to be fun, although I’m still wrestling with my back story.

    Reply ↓
    1. Margot*

      I played 1000 Year Old Vampire. An amazing solo role-playing game.

      I also love Wingspan for when I’m playing with a group.

      Reply ↓

Leave a Comment

Before you comment: Please be kind, stay on-topic, and follow the site's commenting rules.
You can report an ad, tech, or typo issue here.

Subscribe to all comments on this post by RSS