when someone tells you you’re too sick to be at work (but you’re not)

by Alison Green on April 1, 2025

A reader writes:

How should I respond when someone tells me that I am too sick to be at work and I should be at home?

The context here, one of my directs popped her head into my doorway and said, “You should really be at home today.” I am recovering from a cold/flu and have been out of the office for a couple of days because of it. I am feeling much better. I have a lingering cough that comes on periodically. That seems to be the case with most people that have been sick lately.

I was a little surprised by their comment and mumbled something about feeling better and just dealing with this cough now.

I am in a supervisory position and needed to be on-site as the department manager is off with this flu. They are in worse shape than me. Our site requires that one member of the department’s management team be on-site. I would have been on-site anyway since I am feeling better. I am also much more productive being in the office.

I understand that people have varying levels of concern about getting sick. They may be immunocompromised or have a young or elderly family member they are worried about getting sick. But I have been doing my best to isolate myself in my office, washing my hands frequently, etc. to minimize the risk to others. It feels wrong to me that someone thinks they know better about my current state of health than I do. Is there a graceful way to acknowledge their concern and let them know I am taking the necessary precautions required to be at work?

First, it’s worth noting that some people will say “you should be at home!” as a way to express care for you, not because they really think it’s outrageous that you’re in the office or are worried about their own health.

But some people will say “you should be at home!” because they’re worried about their own health and are annoyed that you’re there. And sometimes they are right to be annoyed. It’s reasonable for people to be upset if they think you’re being reckless with their health and well-being (and there are a whole lot of people who come into work and expose other people to germs when they should have stayed home).

You’re right that your employee doesn’t know as much as your current state of health as you do — but it’s because they don’t know as much about your state of health as you do, and because lots of people do come into work when they shouldn’t, that it’s not unreasonable for them to worry, if in fact they were. Try not to be annoyed by that.

That said, it’s definitely true that you can have a lingering cough for weeks or even months after some colds. It doesn’t mean you’re contagious or shouldn’t be working.

But it’s also true that you can also have a lingering cough because of things that are contagious. So even if something seems like a cold or the flu, at a minimum you should do a Covid test before returning to work out of consideration for your coworkers and their families.

Back to your question: is there a graceful way to acknowledge someone’s concern and let them know you are taking the precautions needed to be at work? Yes! Here are a few ways to say it if you do indeed know you’re not contagious — based on actual medical advice, testing, common sense*, etc. (* I’m aware it’s risky to include “common sense” on this list, given the amount of variation in people’s risk assessments. But realistically, people aren’t going to consult with a doctor every time they have a cold.)

* “I’m not sick anymore, just have a lingering cough. My doctor says I’m not contagious.” (Obviously this needs to be true! Don’t say it if it’s not.)

* “I’m over the cold, but I’ll probably have the cough for a while. I did test for Covid and it’s negative.”

* “It’s run its course and I don’t think I’m contagious at this point, but I’m staying in my office to be safe.”

Also, if there’s any risk you’re still in a contagion period but you’re still at work, please consider wearing a mask — again, out of consideration for your coworkers and their families.

Final thought: if you’re required to have one member of the department’s management team on-site at all times and there are only two of you, is there a back-up plan for what happens if you’re both very sick/potentially contagious? If not, there needs to be!

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  1. teensyslews*

    I feel like wearing a mask could be a bigger suggestion here! If you have an office with a door you don’t need to wear it while at your desk, but masking while in common areas is a great way to convey that you are taking all available precautions when you need to be in office. I know it has become very politicized in some areas, but I always find it helpful to think of how a mask would be used in parts of the world where masking is more common and follow those trends (ex in public, on transit, in an office if you are coughing/sniffling).

    1. Mark This Confidential And Leave It Laying Around*

      Yes, please, MASK. I don’t know you’re not contagious! If you are coughing, you should be masked.

      1. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

        Coughs can last for weeks. I sympathize that people may be anxious but I personally would not wear a mask for weeks just to help manage someone else’s anxiety/ concern. I don’t want to deal with the extra hot flashes and fogged up glasses for the better part of a month. Others are free to meet with me by Teams only during that time.

        1. MVS*

          As someone with a history of disability that previously made me more vulnerable to severe illness and who now has contact with a cancer patient on chemo, I would take care not to dismiss others’ health concerns in the workplace. Masking for an extended period of time is inconvenient, sure, but being exposed to a cough (which expels saliva into the air) could be a matter of serious consequence to someone else.

          1. I Don't Want to Catch Your Cold*

            Plus the fact that even if the person is negative for covid, there are a heck of a lot of other airborne viral diseases that are spread by sneezing and/or coughing. I don’t want to get those either, so please mask up!

        2. califragilistic*

          You’re addressing ‘anxiety’ like it’s just an emotional issue– but the anxiety in this case is tied to the potential of real, legitimate negative health consequences. And lingering coughs can absolutely be infectious. So you’re not ‘managing someone’s anxiety’; you’re managing their health. Please do keep that in mind.

        3. Touchofthe'Tism*

          If you’re going to be around people and you have a persistent cough you should be masking. The ‘anxiety’ isn’t unfounded and slight discomfort is overridden by consideration for other’s well being. Obviously if you’re in a Teams meeting or alone in your office you don’t need a mask.

        4. D*

          I have found a strip of felt right at the inside, top of the mask to be very effective in eliminating glasses fogging.

          1. Slow Gin Lizz*

            I have found that having the glasses slightly further down the nose helps too, but that does get a little inconvenient as it affects your vision a little bit. Not enough to be dangerous, but just enough to be a little annoying.

          2. TGIF*

            That’s good to know thanks! I mask everywhere I go and I get annoyed with the glasses fogging too.

        5. Insert Pun Here*

          Yep, same. I stay home when sick (I get plenty of sick time) and if necessary do the “answer emails from bed in the morning and then take half a sick day in the afternoon to nap” thing as I get better. But I’m just not willing to wear a mask for weeks on end for a lingering cough.

              1. Weatherwax*

                I wear an N95 for 12-13 hour shifts of physical work, only taking it off to eat when I’m alone. I have done this for almost exactly five years now, including two full pregnancies. I have done this to protect myself, my family, and my (very vulnerable) patients. I have faith in your ability to wear a surgical mask for a few weeks!

                1. Insert Pun Here*

                  I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you. It’s not something I’m willing to do. (And again, to be clear: I stay home when I’m sick (fever, sneezing, congestion, vomiting/etc.) I work from home in the “not quite ready to come back into the office but can knock out some emails” stage. I’m only speaking here of the “no longer contagious but cough lingers” stage.)

              3. Vipsania Agrippina*

                Compared to getting Long Covid, which still happens mote often than people assume, I assure youbthat wearing a mask is a small inconvenience.

        6. Slow Gin Lizz*

          I wear glasses all the time except when I’m sleeping or showering and I hate wearing a mask for the reasons you mention, Cyborg Llama, but what I hate even more is the idea of getting someone else sick. I’ve always hated that feeling, and one of the only good things about the pandemic was that it has normalized mask-wearing so that when I wear one when I’m under the weather but have to be out doing things it’s not a weird thing at all.

          I have asthma so when I get a cold I do get a lingering cough that lasts for about two months afterwards, but I wear a mask when I’m coughing like crazy even when I feel totally fine, because a) I don’t want people to think I’m getting them sick on purpose, b) I might feel fine but who knows, I might still be contagious (science seems to indicate otherwise, but why not play it safe?) and c) I might be coming down with something else and my coughing spreads germs more effectively than just breathing normally does.

          So, sure, masks are a pain especially when they fog up your glasses, but if you have any kind of COVID symptom even if it’s not COVID, it’s a kindness to wear a mask if you’re around other people to protect their health. And if you’re just going to meet with everyone via Zoom/Teams anyway, why not just work from home and then you don’t have to wear a mask at all AND don’t have to cause your fellow workers health concerns?

          1. not currently contagious*

            asthma sufferer too, and with permanently damaged vocal cords from pneumonia complications a couple years ago. So I’m usually dealing with some amount of coughing, and I *always* sound sick. But I like being part of a community, and I generally try to avoid making anyone uncomfortable- even unintentionally. Just like not everyone can tell that their mild cold will likely send me to the hospital, not everyone can tell that my hoarse voice and frequent cough won’t send them there themselves.

            So if I’m around people for prolonged periods, especially if they are required to be in my presence, I have a couple scripts depending on my current health status and the situation. In many of those situations I already have a mask on, in all of the exceptions I offer to put on a mask if it would make them more comfortable, and when appropriate (work travel, family gatherings) I designate a third party contact (manager, sibling) in case someone would prefer I not attend and doesn’t feel comfortable telling me personally.

            I’m part of a fully remote team, but if I were required to be in the office to earn a living it would follow that my coworkers are similarly required to be there in order to earn theirs. My comfort doesn’t trump theirs, and I hope that theirs doesn’t trump mine. What works for me is to model the behaviour I hope for from others, but, out of an abundance of caution, not to expect it when making choices to protect my own health.

        7. Distracted Librarian*

          In some cases (like mine) coughs are permanent. I explain to people when I cough that it’s due to a chronic condition and not contagious.

        8. Ineffable Bastard*

          Fogged up glasses only happen with your mask has a poor fit.
          I agree that you don’t need to mask for weeks, but for a week is not asking for too much. The LW was out a couple days; they can mask for a week and thus make sure they do not spread the virus in the air.

        9. LL*

          yeah, I think it’s good to wear one when first returning for being out sick, but once all your other symptoms are gone, if the cough is there, you’re probably not contagious anymore.

        10. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

          I figure that’s why Alison said if there’s any risk you’re still in a contagion period but you’re still at work, please consider wearing a mask. It has nothing to do with other people’s feelings, it’s about the risk of you getting someone sick.

        11. Selfishness, the modern virtue*

          And I don’t want to deal with the fact my mother died because people around her weren’t masking, but here we are! Sorry about your glasses fogging up; I’m certain that’s a lifelong inconvenience for you.

          1. Philosophia*

            I am sorry about your mother. I’ve also been masking routinely for five years. Please allow me to say that not being able to see because one’s glasses have fogged up—or in winter iced up—can in some circumstances pose danger to life and limb.

        12. Specks*

          My friend brought her toddler who has had a cough “for weeks” to meet my newborn. Without warning me. She’s normally a thoughtful person, so I’m assuming she just thought he was well, well past being contagious. My toddler got it from playing with hers and getting coughed at literally once or twice, and then gave it to me, the baby, his dad, his childcare, and my elderly mom. Then he picked up another infection because he was weakened by this one, and then got hand foot mouth that resulted in a febrile seizure and landed us in the ER. Six weeks of suffering for several people and a couple of grand of hospital bills. The truth is, you don’t know if you’re contagious or not. Now, you may care about your comfort more than that fact, but don’t dismiss it as others’ “anxiety”.

        13. Nat20*

          So as an immunocompromised person myself, your refusal to take extremely simple steps to protect coworkers is my problem to deal with? I have to meet you on Teams because you can’t handle the inconvenience of not infecting me? You don’t want to “deal with” the mask, so that takes precedence over me not wanting to “deal with” you possibly giving me a disease that could land me in the hospital?

          It’s not about “managing other people’s anxiety”, it’s about caring for each other. And not just abstractly; masking is an act of physical care to others. You have no idea what you’re still spreading and who you’re spreading it to. This individualism is exactly why covid is/was so devastating; we’re more concerned with personal comfort than community health.

          If you’re still recovering, wearing a mask makes it so that you can return to work AND ensure you’re not spreading it around the office. How is that not a win-win? Why have we decided foggy glasses and sweaty chins are worse than letting our collective health deteriorate?

        14. Southern Violet*

          Being a well adjusted (read: not breathtaking selfish) part of a society means caring about other people’s health and wellness and not dismissing perfectly reasonable concerns as just being overly anxious. If you are coughing, sneezing, habe a runny nose, or a fever wear the damn mask. Its not a hardship, and its just spoiled teen logic to suggest it is.

      2. Kyrielle*

        I have seasonal/hayfever allergies to just about everything you can and will *frequently* have coughing. I wear a mask if I am coughing, even if I’m confident due to other symptoms that it’s allergies. The coughing might be allergies! And I might still have an early-stages asymptomatic cold, Covid, flu, or RSV – and no one wants those. If I’m coughing, I’m expelling droplets (ew) and those can carry those germs whether or not the germs are causing the cough.

        Do I enjoy masking? Not in the least. I also don’t enjoy getting sick, however, and I certainly don’t want to contribute to anyone else getting sick. (Also, to those who have complained about the effects of masking, feeling uncomfortable in a mask is a thing, but if your glasses are fogging up, your mask is not well-fitted. It’s probably still catching most expelled droplets and protecting other people, but if you can get one that fits better – or get the current one to fit better – it shouldn’t let that hot damp air escape up into your glasses either.)

    2. Ann O'Nemity*

      Some places now have mask bans, unfortunately. And even if there are exceptions for health issues, there is a very real fear of retaliation, harassment, or other negative consequences – not to mention required documentation of medical need that you’re unlikely to get for a common cold.

      1. Ms. Eleanous*

        Wait, what?
        A mask BAN?
        Like when I am sneezing and coughing all through allergy season, a governmental institution took it upon itself to forbid me to wear a mask.
        Oh, please name names; I would love to send them a nasty letter (cc to their opposition/ opponent).

        1. Three Flowers*

          A lot of it is entangled with anti-protest laws and regulations. New York is considering a state mask ban. I believe they already exist on some college campuses.

        2. ArchivesPony*

          A lot of states actually have bans on masks on the books but they’re no enforced (kind of like in Florid, you can’t walk a porcupine down the street) (see Mask bans and proposed bans by state By Justine Barron), especially after COVID. But within the last year, places like NYC and Los Angeles are considering it and NC passed one last year

          1. TGIF*

            Well there is no AFTER covid, we are still in it and to ban masks at ALL is stupid. And if that ever happens where I am they will just have to arrest me because I’m not going to stop wearing one. I don’t want covid again. Plus I don’t even get colds anymore.

        3. Ann O'Nemity*

          Several universities, now including Columbia; Nassau County, NY; and the state of North Carolina have implemented post-Covid mask bans, just to name a few of the more visible examples. More areas are now enforcing old anti-mask laws still on the books (many of which were originally enacted to deter activities of groups like the KKK). Some businesses have also adopted mask restrictions for employees, often citing the belief that face coverings hinder personal interaction and undermine quality customer service.

          The mask bans feel very political to me, even when they’re framed around public safety or customer experience.

          1. TGIF*

            Wow so “quality customer service” is more important than people’s health? Damn that is not good. I would feel much better and would appreciate people wearing masks again, I don’t need to see anyone’s face.

      2. SofiaDeo*

        Apparently these places in the US banning masks have yet to see a lawsuit from people with disabilities like me, with leukemia/zero antibodies. I’ve had 2 skin infections since October, zero respiratory ones which I am sure is due to my masking.

        I’d pit my ADA right to wear my N95 mask against any ban “for social interactions”.

        1. Escape from the Bay Area*

          The bans have exemptions for people who need to mask for medical reasons, they’re often being used to quell protests. Civil rights and disability rights groups have been actively fighting them for years.

    3. Amy*

      Agreed! Covid tests give false negatives all the time, you never know who is immunocompromised or caring for someone who is immunocompromised, and even “just a cold” can knock people out for days or a week when they can’t afford to be out. Masking when people feel unwell should be the norm even in non-pandemic times (and we ARE still in a pandemic regardless of what folks seem to think).

      1. SweetCider*

        Asked with curiosity: Do you have a source for the point that COVID tests have a moderate it high false negative rate?

        the last time I really looked at the peer reviewed data the false negative rate was mostly attributed to people testing shortly after exposure or very early symptom phase s of the diseases and then people tested positive later. Someone testing after they’ve started to recover and getting a negative either did not have COVID or was recovered enough to not be contagious. if there’s newer info/data I’m curious to read it.

        1. Amy*

          Per the CDC, “During November 2022–May 2023, among persons infected with SARS-CoV-2, sensitivity of rapid antigen tests was 47% compared with RT-PCR and 80% compared with viral culture. Antigen tests continue to detect potentially transmissible infection but miss many infections identified by positive RT-PCR test results.” https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/73/wr/mm7316a2.htm

          My understanding is that best practice with rapids is to test 3 times, 2 days apart each. Personally, I prefer to use a molecular test instead like Metrix or Pluslife. More expensive, but MUCH more accurate.

        2. Amy*

          I posted a link to a CDC study but the comment doesn’t seem to have appeared – it might need to go through moderation first, here’s hoping!

          To be clear, I’m not trying to encourage folks to NOT use rapid tests. Just commenting that a single rapid test negative is nowhere near a confirmation that someone doesn’t have covid. Testing 2-3 times, 2 days apart each is the best bet with a rapid (I prefer relying on a Metrix test instead though, much better peace of mind for me).

      2. Magpie*

        The Covid pandemic was officially ended in May 2023. It’s now considered endemic, which means it will likely always exist and sicken people, but in a much more limited way. It’s no longer the exponential growth that defines a pandemic, and we now have more effective treatments and preventive measures to limit its effects.

        1. Amy*

          Part of the characteristic of a disease becoming endemic is that the numbers remain stable or have seasonal “surges”. Neither is the case with Covid, unfortunately – we are still having unpredictable surges year-round (unlike the flu). Early in the pandemic Fauci said we’d be able to return to “normal” when US cases reached 10000, and they have never once gotten that low since 2020 – not even close. People are still being mass-disabled by long covid. Officials said the pandemic was “over” because of political pressure to return to normal, not because of the state of Covid within the population. But even if we were to call it “endemic”, that doesn’t make it not severe or that we can go back to how things were pre-pandemic. Malaria is endemic in some parts of the world, that doesn’t mean you stop taking precautions against malaria.

          1. Magpie*

            Endemic doesn’t mean it’s unnecessary to take any precautions. The flu is endemic and every year everyone is reminded to get a flu vaccination and stay home when sick to reduce the spread. Same thing is true of Covid now. We have a widely available vaccine that everyone is encouraged to take once a year, and we have widely available treatments for people who do contract the virus, and we have widely available tests that people can use to determine which virus they’ve contracted. Endemic also doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. Tens of thousands of people die of the flu every year. Last month, more people died from the flu than from Covid. It’s important to take precautions against Covid but I don’t think it’s a national emergency at this point. It’s the same as any other common but potentially serious illness that regularly circulates through the country.

            1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

              I have to push back a bit on your comment about treatments being widely available. In some parts of Canada, where I live, it is borderline impossible to actually access the treatments. When my mom (in her late 60s, with risk factors) got COVID last year, she was denied. I live in a totally different part of Canada and I doubt I’d be eligible, either, because of my age. I can’t speak to willingness of the medical system to prescribe in the US, but I’m guessing the treatment can be pretty expensive, especially for the uninsured.

          2. Anon Forthis*

            Yep. I was in my late 20s and generally healthy, and then I got covid. Now I use a wheelchair or a cane to get around and my parents are part-time caregivers to their 30something year old child. I have chronic pain and fatigue, a spotty memory, and I’ll probably never be able to have kids, which was something I really wanted out of life. I’m not as sick as I used to be (shoutout to my amazing care team), but the whole shape of my life changed, and it’s been long enough that I’m unlikely to get much better. All of that suffering could have been prevented if my sick coworker wore a mask. If you’re sick, or just got over being sick, mask up! It’s the absolute least you can do.

        2. Alice*

          It’s hilarious that the people who love to point out that the WHO declared the COVID public health emergency over in May 2023 are not interested in quotations from the same org (in the person of WHO spokesperson Maria Van Kerkhove) saying in May 2024: “We’re still in a pandemic. There’s a lot of complacency at the individual level, and more concerning to me is that at the government level.”
          Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/rampant-covid-poses-new-challenges-in-the-fifth-year-of-the-pandemic/

        3. Covidexpert*

          We have 2 treatments have done one is Pax loaded but it’s difficult to get a prescription unless you were over 65 immune compromised or have other factors. The other treatment is for immunocompromised people and it’s injections given usually in a hospital or outpatient hospital setting. we don’t have easy fixes.

          1. Magpie*

            I think Paxlovid is a lot easier to get than it used to be. My husband is in his early 40s with no risk factors and when he had Covid a year ago, he had no trouble getting a prescription from his doctor. It’s certainly not an easy fix but it can help minimize effects from the virus.

        4. Tea Monk*

          My body has not heard that memo. The last time I got COVID I lost 10 pounds and don’t remember the entire week.

        5. iglwif*

          The COVID-19 emergency was declared over in May 2023. But people continue to die or become disabled in various ways as a result of COVID.

        6. mlem*

          The public health emergency was ended. That was a political statement that in no way affected the actual science.

        7. Xeniati*

          I’ve had COVID at least twice since May 2023 and its effect on my body has been awful. I can’t access treatments where I live (which is Canada), and I’m not sure what “effective preventive measures” unrelated to masking you’re referring to, but I haven’t seen or benefited from them. That we are still in a pandemic is a fairly common assessment of the current global COVID situation, despite what the WHO said in May 2023 (and, as another person pointed out in reply to you, has since contradicted).

          1. Sparky*

            While I agree with you that the COVID pandemic never truly ended, I think you’re leaving out vaccines, which are the biggest other effective preventative measure besides masking.

        8. TGIF*

          Yeah that’s why we had a summer surge in 2024 where 1 in 36 people had covid at any given time right? It IS still pandemic, the government and everyone else just wants to pretend it’s over so they don’t have to help us anymore.

        9. Reading Rainbow*

          we now have more effective treatments and preventive measures to limit its effects

          Like what?

      3. A*

        Covid will always be a virus in circulation, so to speak.

        Covid restrictions in March 2020 cannot be sustained indefinitely. Some individuals can function with that level of restrictions but society cannot.

        1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

          Nobody’s asking for that, though – they’re asking a symptomatic person in an indoor space with others to mask. There’s lots of room between “only leave your house for groceries and medical needs, and when you do wear a mask and keep six feet” like we were in March 2020 and “go ahead and cough in the office when you’re sick without masking”.

          1. A*

            “we ARE still in a pandemic regardless of what folks seem to think”

            I am responding to this line.

            1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

              That line does not imply a return to the public health measures of early 2020, though. Let alone doing so indefinitely.

        2. iglwif*

          You know, I hear this a lot from people who are asking why I still mask (or explaining why they don’t, as they sniffle and cough on a zoom committee call), but the thing is, nobody is suggesting we revert to March 2020 practices. Many of those practices ended up being hygiene theatre rather than useful precautions anyway, because we didn’t know what we were dealing with yet.

          I’m not missing out on anything by wearing a mask, except for eating indoors in large groups. I am literally missing out on less social time than I used to before the pandemic, because I used to get sick all the time and have to miss things I wanted to do.

          1. A*

            I fully support people masking if they want to or if that is what they need to feel safe. I would never question or doubt somebody masking. Go right ahead.

            What I will push back on, though, is people who say anybody who isn’t masking is selfish or ignoring public health.

            I respect your mask. Your mask is not the issue.

            1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

              In my opinion, if someone is contagious or likely contagious and is able to mask, but chooses not to, that action is selfish. It’s prioritizing their wants and comfort over preventing getting other people sick.

              Like iglwif, I go out and do things, I just mask when I’m doing it. Luckily, most people leave me alone. And I leave unmasked people alone, too. But if someone is sick and they’re out and about unmasked, I’m going to silently judge them. And they can feel however they want about that.

              1. Magpie*

                I think everyone here is talking about people who mask as a preventive measure, not because they’re actively sick. If someone is so sick that they’re likely to spread their illness to other people, honestly they shouldn’t be out at all. Masking only contains the germs so much and they probably still have germs on their hands that they’re spreading around. In this day and age where you can have pretty much anything delivered to your house, the only reason you should be out while sick is if you’re going to the doctor.

                1. A*

                  I think you are overestimating the ability for everybody to get everything they need delivered.

                  Some people have to leave the house when they are sick or they face very serious consequences like unemployment.

                  If people can stay home when they are sick without suffering harm to themselves then that is what they should do. I don’t take as far as to say that nobody can ever leave the house when they are sick. I understand wanting that to be the rule but I think it’s unrealistic.

        3. TGIF*

          Yes they can if they do it long enough to eradicate the virus. It IS possible. But it can’t be done for a month and then call it good. It needs to be done for a couple of years. Society would survive just fine.

      4. So they all cheap-ass rolled over and one fell out*

        And COVID is not the only respiratory illness out there. Could be “just” a cold, sure, but it could also be flu, RSV, whooping cough, heck it could be Bird Flu.

          1. mlem*

            Like my supervisor’s symptoms were “just allergies” … until she tested positive later that same day?

          2. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

            That’s why the advice was for the LW to figure out if there’s a risk they’re still contagious. And to consider a mask if they are.

    4. iglwif*

      Seriously.

      Honestly, I don’t understand why more people don’t just mask in common areas as a matter of course. Why get sick all the time (even if it’s just a cold) when you don’t have to?

      But especially if you have symptoms.

      1. But Of Course*

        Because masking in America means you care about other people, and we must be as selfish as humanly possible because it’s fun to get sick all the time and also it owns the libs or something. (Still masking, still never had COVID, worst thing I’ve had in years is allergies.)

        1. iglwif*

          Yeah. Ugh.

          I’m in Canada and very few people mask here either, although the hostility towards those of us who do is way less than what I hear from friends in some parts of the US.

          My entire family got COVID in late 2021. I haven’t had it, or anything else, since then–and I really like it that way!

          1. But Of Course*

            My mother developed long COVID and died of a cardiac arrest I suspect was directly caused by it. I will mask until hell freezes over.

            We don’t face much pushback in my part of the country – my partner had one person make a nasty comment in five years – but you can definitely tell when people are feeling more or less anxious by the number of masks. Right now, people appear to be anxious.

            I also plan to survive bird flu when it makes the jump.

      2. Polaris*

        Heh, my sarcastic thought here is that it would certainly be an interesting thing in an open office.

        I’ve been sick more now in six months in a new facility (with open collaborative space office) than I was in the combined four years previous with an actual full height and a door office at the old facility.

        1. iglwif*

          Until I started working from home in 2017, I always worked in an open office. Everyone brought their germs to work (many of us had small kids, which of course increases your exposure to horrible things EXPONENTIALLY), and someone was always sick with something. I once literally went to work with the flu; my boss said I looked like death and sent me home, which was absolutely the right decision, but of course I had already exposed all the people on the bus and all the people in the office.

          If I had to go back to working in an office full time, I would absolutely be masking at all times and eating my lunch outdoors. (Yes, even in the winter.) I refuse to go back to my pre-pandemic lifestyle of simply getting sick all the time.

          1. Kelsi*

            I work in an office with half-height cubicle walls. Pre-pandemic, any time I heard someone cough or sneeze around the office, I knew I was going to be getting sick soon.

            I don’t mask ALL day, because my cube is in a relatively unpopulated area where we’re all fairly spaced out, but I do mask any time I leave my desk (and any time someone visits my desk). The difference it’s made is unbelievable–I was sick more in 2019 than I have been in the 6 years since, and 2019 was a relatively normal year for me at the time. I managed to dodge COVID until this past December, and even then I am about 99% sure when I got it (I unmasked at our work holiday party to eat lunch, symptoms started almost exactly 48 hours later, and I wasn’t the only person off sick afterwards, though I haven’t gotten confirmation from any of the others whether they had COVID).

            Anyway, all that to say–masking works, and I trust that my neighboring coworkers are being respectful of my health because they DO mask when they have to come into work still coughing/sneezing.

          2. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

            I’m having flashbacks to an all-day meeting last winter that legitimately had to be in person. I grabbed my food and ate outside in the wind and cold, sheltered under a tree. Wasn’t the most pleasant, but whatever.

      3. Oh January*

        Big same. I’m immunocompromised, but even if I wasn’t… I work in a school. Out of my ~90 students, I have 2 who mask regularly. After a few years of teaching in a KN95, I barely notice it anymore. I have a handkerchief to de-sweat my face periodically as needed and I just throw them in the laundry with my socks n’ underwear.

        Is there a stigma around it? Yeah, I get questions sometimes, but I’m mostly just matter of fact about it and people leave it alone. I bought masks that match the shoes I wear every day (a bright colour) so that people tend to focus less on the mask and more my status as local eccentric… but that might not work for everyone lol

        1. iglwif*

          Heh.

          I have some brightly-coloured KN95s that I can match to specific work-appropriate tops, and I deploy those when I have to go to a Work Thing, because it does lead people to comment on the matching rather than the masking.

          Those ones have earloops, which makes them less comfy. So the rest of the time it’s a boring but efficient 3M Aura (white, somewhat hideous, very comfortable) or a black headstrap CAN99 (can’t wear a white mask for choir concerts!).

          Do some people think I’m a weirdo? Absolutely! But I haven’t been sick since late 2021 so I don’t care.

          1. Ineffable Bastard*

            I wish I could wear the Aura! My husband loves it, but it is so uncomfortable for me!

            We have KN95s of several colours, too. I once asked for burgundy and he got lavender ones instead because he misunderstood the assignment. Lavender looks hideous on me but he looks awesome in them, so he’s wearing them everywhere. I am wearing the black ones, and my youngest favours sky blue masks.

        2. But Of Course*

          I wish masking had been normal when I taught college. Every finals week for eight quarters straight, I got whatever was going around, including swine flu. The combination of stress and fatigue just made my students and I more susceptible to any little thing, and it was both predictable and miserable. I’ve been told if you teach college for 4-5 years you’ll never get sick again, but it was terrible.

      4. Sar*

        Specifically, masks 1) continue to be very annoying with glasses; 2) are uncomfortable behind the ears after more than 10 minutes or so; and 3) make me break out something fierce. I still wear them when I am concerned I might be infectious (and I kept my kids wearing them in school long after their peers stopped) but they are not a cost-free delight that I am happy to go back to. (And that’s leaving aside the financial cost and the social cost to the extent that there is one, which is an enormous shame, but here we are.)

        1. mango chiffon*

          re: your 2nd point, there are headstrap masks that go around your head and don’t irritate your ears. I would know as I am a glasses wearer who wears a mask daily in the office for hours on end. Personally the cost of getting sick and having to either work while sick or have to come back to a backlog of work is more than the cost of buying a mask.

          1. Nightengale*

            you know what is interesting is I am a still masking glasses wearer who does fine with earloop masks but found headstrap masks terribly uncomfortable. Must be a head size/shape thing. I can’t find earloop N95s locally anymore but fortunately can online

        2. iglwif*

          They’re not cost-free and certainly not a delight lol, but I will absolutely take the sore ears (which are worse for me with earloop masks but don’t completely go away with headstrap ones because of the interaction with my glasses) and other mask-related annoyances over the three or four times a year I used to get sick with something, feel miserable for a week, and have to miss or cancel something I really wanted to do.

          That said, I very much appreciate that you are still masking when possibly infectious! And I’m sure people IRL appreciate it, too, because I really really appreciate the people I know IRL who do that.

        3. Kelsi*

          Not arguing with your points, especially the ongoing cost–that’s a real and frustrating fact!–but just offering a suggestion to make it more comfortable for the times when you DO need to wear one (this is for the KN95 style):

          If you get one of the ear savers that are fabric with snaps or buttons, then put the mask + saver on BELOW your ears and scoot the saver up the back of your head until the mask sits properly in the front (with no gap at the bottom), it is much more comfortable to wear for long periods. Also, if you can, make sure you’re getting masks sized for your face–the place I get mine from has two sizes, and the smaller one fits me better and is more comfortable for long wear. I’m a glasses-wearer and I mask daily, usually for long periods of time, and rarely have the issues with fogging or glasses/mask collision that I did when wearing larger masks without an ear saver (I do lift my glasses up to form the metal strip to my nose when I first put the mask on, then set them back down resting on the top edge of the mask).

        4. Nat20*

          Standard N95s (not KN95s) are the around-the-head type which eliminates the ear pain. The typical white ones have a very good seal on the nose that completely prevents glasses fog for me (once properly fitted to my nose). They also make ones with good stretchy bands that don’t tend to cause me headaches while maintaining a good seal. The breakouts, yeah, they’re still sweaty. But I’d rather be pimply than sick any day of the week.

          I never stopped masking at work and not getting sick is so, so worth all the costs you mention here. You can buy big packs online for not too much anyway. (Plus it means I have no reason to wear foundation anymore, so I’ve actually saved a bit of money on makeup.)

        5. Wish this was just my problem.*

          I wish I knew a solution to the breakout issue. I’ve been a mask-wearer for many years and am immunocompromised, but after about 4 years of consistent wear I now break out into hives no matter what mask I wear. I’ve spent hundreds trying to find one that doesn’t cause it. I can wear a surgical mask with only a little discomfort but I get lectured by well-meaning folks who think I’m too stupid to wear a fitted one.

    5. e271828*

      Yes. Wear a mask over your nose and mouth. An N95; those loose folded-paper ones are no good with a cough or sneeze.

      I got sick from a hygienist who, wearing a loose folded-paper mask, stepped away to the cubicle door and coughed. Sure, she washed her hands afterward, but her cold was aerosolized.

      1. Magc*

        My dental office is awesome at precautions (they had HEPA filters in each exam space by April or May 2020). What made me really comfortable was verifying that their nitrous system is closed (doesn’t use office air), as I am a wimp for all dental procedures (including clenaing) and pay for nitrous so I go in regularly.

        That’s the only place that I share air without anyone outside of my household, all of whom mask outside of the home.

    6. RC*

      And a *well-fitting* mask, please! None of those baggy surgicals, get a KN95 at least (or ideally an N95; easier on your ears too IMO).

      Think of it like how air moves re: smoking; if you spent all day isolated in your office with multiple cigarettes, it would (depending on the building’s ventilation system) likely *mostly* be contained in the office, but every time you go to the bathroom or the break room or someone opens the door or at the end of the day… pretty soon everyone outside will be able to whiff it. Masks contain those particles so there’s less in circulation (and surgical masks just make the smoke go around the edges rather than being trapped in the mask material). A mechanical air cleaner (basically filter + fan) can also reduce the concentration of potentially infectious particles.

      It sounds like these procedures might be good to implement going forward, if (at least) two of you have been off with the same virus at the same time.

    7. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Masking was my first thought. It isn’t just COVID; it’s flu, RSV, whatever is tickling your throat. Whatever it is, I don’t want it, and I don’t even have an autoimmune disease or a family member who would be compromised. Don’t spray your cough at me. Even if you stay in your office you’re going down the hall to the bathroom, going to the breakroom, whatever. Your little droplets are Right There.

      Normalize masking, please.

        2. Calamity Janine*

          what’s wrong with people wearing a mask for medical reasons? it’s useful to their health. i don’t know why we need to do attempted scorn towards “some of you” about it. some people also use wheelchairs, and it’s also completely fine.

          the idea that one should mask up when you’ve got the sniffles, even if you’re well enough to go to work or school, is… pretty normal in some countries such as Japan. it’s part of politely recognizing there are people around you. even if your cough doesn’t contain enough of a viral load to infect somebody, you’re still expelling mucus because that’s why the body makes coughs happen, and that’s still kinda gross for people around you to deal with. i don’t know why you’d get snippy with looking out for the humans around you like that unless you’re working towards a strange political point and are trying to be coy about it. so what’s up? why this comment?

        3. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

          Why do you care that some people are still masking?

          I would be delighted to stop masking, as soon as there are long-term effective vaccines against covid and flu and most of the population is vaccinated. Which in the current climate in the US may be never, given that we have a Secretary of Health who was advising vitamin A rather than vaccines to deal with an active measles outbreak.

          I already have a chronic lung condition, from a case of covid in 2021. I caught that after being vaccinated and before they realized that the covid vaccine is effective against serious illness, but not very useful against transmission.

          A chronic cough doesn’t just mean you’d have to believe me that the thing I have isn’t contagious. It also means that if I did come down with something like covid, flu, or RSV, I might not notice right away, because I was already coughing.

          1. Magc*

            Ever since catching bronchitis when my first kid (a terrible sleeper) was 10 weeks old, every single upper respiratory virus I catch leads to a month of coughing. He’s over 30 now, and I will NEVER stop masking because I haven’t had a cold since March of 2020.

            Well, that and the fact that we’re still in a pandemic and probably on the way to having a second one start before the first one is over.

        6. TGIF*

          Nope! I haven’t had a cold since 2019 and I want it to stay that way. I did manage to get covid twice inspite of precautions (because OTHERS don’t take the same precautions) and it turned into a heart issue for me, so YAY for that. I am certain I have fibro from the two times I had it and I don’t want to be disabled any further than I already am.

        7. Jennifer @unchartedworlds*

          I probably would mask a lot less if/when we get a proper “sterilising” vaccine for covid, supposing H5N1 bird flu (or something similar) hasn’t yet started going human to human by then. Don’t feel like rolling the dice on another covid infection, though.

    8. CEMgr*

      A month or two ago, an employee came into our office, teary-eyed, short of breath, and coughing. (He had previously mentioned that he had lung damage from a previous case of COVID.) He wore a mask for a few hours, but then removed it. While standing in the lunch room, he coughed hard with his mouth full open, within a few feet of two people including me, and made no attempt to turn away or cover the cough in any way. Then he said, “I’m not contagious, I just have lung damage.”

      I said, “You can’t do that, Fernando!” I did not report this or even mention it to anyone. I did not catch anything that I am aware of.

      About two weeks later, he got fire for incompetence. Unrelated.

    9. Calamity Janine*

      it’s also a great visual and cultural shorthand for “i know this is a thing and i am looking out for the people around me, i promise”.

      i think everyone is a bit twitchy these post-pandemic days. why not employ a good solution also from those times? it may not be that the cough is contagious, but it also may be a good symbol of recognizing you’re coughing and trying to be mindful of your impact on others. even just masking for the first week or so back will help everyone know that you’re being cautious, and they can accept that you’re now out of the contagious stage and it’s just a persistent cough.

      also if we’re being honest one of the joys of a mask is that it’s harder for people to tell if you’re currently working on a cough drop, lol. you don’t need to stuff a mask full of ludens like you’re a horse with a feedbag, LW, but you can certainly keep up a steady supply of them with a bit more impunity lol! the other welcome effect is that even if it won’t be as perfect as a HEPA filter, if your cough is being made worse by pollen season (why yes i AM in the metro Atlanta area and why yes i AM suffering, however did you guess), something to catch at least some of the pollen before it gets in your lungs might really help. i mean if you’re near my neck of the woods… a pollen count of nearly 15,000 cares not if you are actually allergic. your body is going to object to the air having all these spiky things in it regardless lol! there’s just so many of them! it’s going to cause more irritation by arriving in such force, allergies not needed.

    10. Nat20*

      Yes, I agree. Masking should be the top of the suggestion list. It will make everyone around you a lot more comfortable with you being back at work and will minimize risk in case you are still possibly contagious.

    11. WillowSunstar*

      Agreed, masking when you’re not in your office with the door closed (if you have one) at least sends a signal that you care about others and are trying not to spread germs.

  2. Molly*

    if you’re a supervisor/manager, be aware that you may be setting expectations for your workers that they come in when they’re sick.

    1. RedinSC*

      LW did say they were off for a few days for the cold, so it sounds like, they’re not doing that here.

  3. Dadjokesareforeveryone*

    At my office, we require anyone that comes in with Covid symptoms (which is most symptoms, honestly) to wear an N95 or KN95 mask, which is also provided by the company. Perhaps an edict like that would help?

      1. Paint N Drip*

        I tend to think people with that degree of anti-social programming would be fine to lose in most workplaces

          1. Silver Robin*

            No, being so against wearing a mask that you would quit if your job says “if you have xyz symptoms, you have to mask up so we reduce spread of disease” is anti-social programming.

          2. Ineffable Bastard*

            I think they meant the opposite of what you said; that somebody who would prefer to quit a job instead of wearing a mask are so anti-social that they are fine to lose.

    2. Laser99*

      I’m assuming you are new to this site. There are countless entries of employees LOSING THEIR MINDS over requests to refrain from making orgasm sounds over the phone/groping co-workers/employing racially charged language.

      1. Zona the Great*

        I don’t understand your comment. Was this in response to Dadjokesareforeveryone? And what letters or comments shows people losing their minds over being told not to use O sounds or grope coworkers? What?

        1. Hroethvitnir*

          I think Laser is saying that the suggestion has a decent chance of falling on its face based on letters with people doubling down on next-level egregious behaviour (there was that letter where the LW had people around them making o sounds when they’re on the phone), never mind something as simple but politicised as wearing a mask. :(

          Ie: not “the comments section won’t support you here” but “IRL it might not help at all”. IMO that’s a know your office thing, but they’re not wrong.

  4. I'm A Little Teapot*

    Also, please don’t use allergies as a get out of jail free card. Those of us with allergies often look and sound terrible but legitimately are not contagious (just gross), and people who actually are sick who try to pass it off as just allergies make it a lot harder for us.

    1. Constance Lloyd*

      My pollen allergies are so bad right now, I’m masking in shared spaces just to help people feel more at ease! The bonus here is that if I’m wrong and my allergies have indeed combined forces with a virus, maybe I won’t share it.

      1. NotAManager*

        I work directly with kids and have been dealing with allergies the past 2/3 weeks (thankfully getting way better). I had a coworker cover some activities for me just to avoid giving families with young kids anxiety that I was actually sick, it’s worth it to take the burden of worrying off of other people.

      2. Ineffable Bastard*

        Do you mask outside? Not for other’s comfort in this case, but to protect you from pollen. I have an allergic family member and they found out that it helps.

        1. Constance Lloyd*

          I do! Especially right now. I sat outside yesterday at lunch and forgot my mask, which is especially unfortunate because I noticed a thick green film of pollen on the Ben h I used only after standing up. I’ve felt like death ever since, but it’s starting to improve. Cherry Blossom season is great, until it isn’t.

        2. Constance Lloyd*

          I do! Or, I usually do. Yesterday I forgot to bring my mask outside at lunch and didn’t notice the bench I’d sat on was coated in a thick green film of pollen. It’s been a rough 24 hours!

        3. TM*

          Yep, when people mention “allergies” (from airborne allergens like dust or pollen) as a reason *not* to mask, I’m always a little WTF in my reaction – a (K)N95 mask is rated to block particles down to 0.3 microns. Pollen sizes start at 9 microns. Some dust particles can be very fine, but the vast majority are blocked too. I always do the vacuuming in a mask these days – it works great.

          1. Calamity Janine*

            even partial coverage from a cloth mask does wonders when the pollen count is astronomical! seriously, when 35-year-old records are being broken by pollen counts terrifyingly close to 15,000… cutting down even some of that helps. and it’s not like you have to be allergic to benefit. at those levels, anyone’s body will get irritated at the air turning into Spiky Pollen Ball Soup lmao!

            she said, bitterly, surrounded by all this pollen

          2. Isben Takes Tea*

            Right?! My allergies have been the least problematic the last 4 years since I started masking; I now wear masks outside in the springtime and hardly ever have itchy eyes or coughs or sneezes. They’re GREAT for allergies!

          3. WillowSunstar*

            So what are glasses wearers to do? If we mask, our glasses fog up and we cannot see to walk. Yeah you rub them and it comes off, but then I’m rubbing my glasses every few minutes and that’s very annoying/unproductive.

            Tried contacts when younger and they just don’t work for my too-sensitive eyes.

    2. Might Be Spam*

      Masking helps control my allergies. I can walk outside and walk down the laundry soap aisle at the grocery store without feeling miserable. I also like getting sick less often.

  5. Come On Eileen*

    Wearing a mask when you are recovering from a cold is a HUGE benefit to those around you. You can still spread a cold virus even when you are feeling better and are back at work – a mask is a visible sign to others that you take their health seriously.

    1. iglwif*

      And a cold is no big deal (other than a day or two of missed work and misery) for most people, but can be a HUGE deal for someone with a compromised immune system. One time, long before COVID or even SARS, I caught someone’s cold when I was midway through 6 months of chemo and ended up in hospital with bronchitis. That was 30 years ago, and we now know better and should be able to do better.

  6. No Achoo for You*

    As someone who is immunocompromised and got the flu in February from a boss who came to work sick, then got secondary bronchitis from that flu, then got fired for calling off for 3 days due to the flu and bronchitis and being in the hospital, then having my autoimmune disease flare immensely from the illness and stress to the point I can’t work, YOU are in the wrong. My boss “felt better” too but got 7 of us sick, 3 of us got fired for “attendance” and my life is basically crumbling because they “felt better” but didn’t wear a mask and coughed on everything. I’m about to be homeless with my autistic son, my health is in shambles from the auto immune flare, my liver is actually failing from how sick I was, my water and sewer are getting shut off and I am fighting for unemployment and living off of a fundraiser and people on Reddit sending us stuff off our Amazon list.

    COVID didn’t change ANYTHING. This letter enrages me.

    1. JS*

      The fact that he got you sick and then fired you for being sick it absolutely awful. What a clueless arse.

      1. No Achoo for You*

        Yes. the general manager, assistant managers and everyone in HR and the owners all have generous PTO, vacation time, and they work with each other on coverage if they take time off. everyone else had zero PTO, no unpaid leave, and we had a points attendance system where 2 – 5 minutes late was 2 points, 5-15 minutes late was 5 points, anything after 15 minutes was 10 points and any call off where you did not arrange your own coverage in advance was 10 points. 30 points was a week suspension 40 automatic termination.

        Most of our employees were minors and we were very shortstaffed so finding coverage for opens and day shift was already difficult. Most of the time you had to swap shifts with someone and I was too sick to know when I would be back to work and so they suspended me for a week then fired me the day I was supposed to be put back on the schedule. For “attendance points”. they fired 3 managers before me so I was sick and also panicking I would be fired, especially after they suspended me, and I think the stress of that made my autoimmune flare and liver issues even worse.

        1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

          Is this a retail/grocery or service industry establishment? These rules are bonkers, especially the ones with minors. This sounds like an absolute hot mess.

          1. No Achoo for You*

            Fast casual restaurant. It’s set up like chipotle kind of but it’s Indian food. They had a very strict dress code that mainly affected women, (very detailed instructions on how we could wear our hair and makeup for example) and micromanaged every last thing down to the expiration labels. we would get group texts multiple times a day about any slight deviation from perfect and get write ups if anything on an order was incorrect or even just reported as incorrect by a customer. They would literally pull security footage to see who packed the order so they could write them up for the mistake.

            1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

              Oof, that sucks. I’m so sorry. That’s definitely way too restrictive.

            2. Laser99*

              I can’t speak for restaurant work, but this is very common in retail and other types of ill-paid shift work. If you can’t find someone else to cover you in time, not coming in means you are in Big Trouble. And in my experience, you are expected to find coverage yourself.

    2. MrsThePlague*

      No advice, just so, so sorry that this is happening to you, and feeling enraged on your behalf. Enraged at your boss, at a workplace that would do this to their employees, and at an employment system that allows workplaces to do this. Sending you so much strength and energy and hoping for a swift and positive resolution to all this (I know that isn’t anything super useful, but it’s all this internet stranger can do).

      1. No Achoo for You*

        Thank you. I am still fighting to get unemployment at this time. if I get it I’ll get $181 a week before taxes which is better than nothing, but won’t even cover one months house payment. I’m also applying for disability. I’m not giving up without a fight but my gosh every day I feel worthless and discarded and hopeless.

      1. No Achoo for You*

        They fired 4 people including me due to the GM coming in sick and getting everyone else sick. 3 of us were single mothers. Meanwhile the owners wear Gucci shoes, have Prada bags, wear $4,000 silk scarves and own 2 separate restaurant franchises, each with 10 – 30 locations around the country.

        1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

          If you’re willing to share the franchise names I’d love to know so I could avoid them and tell them it’s because of what I’ve heard about their exploitative workforce practices.

    4. Oh January*

      That f’in sucks, No Achoo for You. Solidarity. I used to work in a call centre with similar “points” rules. Ended up quitting with nothing lined up before they could fire me.

      So many people who haven’t experienced chronic illness (personally or someone close to them) just don’t get how big a deal getting even a cold can be. Even when you explain it. They just can’t conceive of their actions affecting you.

  7. Dawn*

    “I needed to be on site….”

    And yet if this had put you in the hospital, you wouldn’t be.

    It’s the seeming mindset of “it doesn’t actually matter how sick I am, because I would have had to be here anyway” that bothers me in this letter and really, to me, undermines your argument that you’re back because you’re sufficiently recovered to be.

    2. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      But the letter writer says they are better. You can have a cough for weeks or months. I have asthma and I was sick in November and had a cough until after Christmas! Does this mean that I shouldn’t have worked for over a month?

      1. Dawn*

        If you had come back to work after “a couple of days” and said “It’s fine, I’m all better now!” then I would have disbelieved you.

        The situation you describe is otherwise not at all the same as this one.

    3. Snarkus Aurelius*

      “Cemeteries are full of indispensable people.”

      I have no idea who originally said it, but it’s one of my favorite quotes about work.

  8. Burnt Out Librarian*

    It is jaw-dropping to me how many places do not have contingency plans like suggested at the end of this response. There seems to just be an expectation that no one gets sick/has an emergency/is indisposed at the same time. It’s completely detached from reality.

    1. KB*

      Exactly! Is the effing place going to burn down if one of two possible people are not present?
      Unless you’re the only doctor/firefighter/superhero within 80 miles, stay home.

      1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

        You’re ignoring the idea that that person might have the literal keys to the building, be able to open the safe if it’s a bank, count the registers if it’s a store, etc. You can’t assume that you can have a functioning business if both members of management decided to stay home- that isn’t a possibility in a great many businesses.

        When I was in retail, I once was left “in charge” for a few hours while all members of management were off- the only one on duty had left to do something work related (I think that was literally the only time that happened, so no contingency for it!) but his solution was to hand me his scan-badge and a key, with the instructions, “Don’t burn the building down.” Nothing happened and I could have handled a decent amount of issues just because I had been there long enough to know what was up, but I definitely couldn’t have opened or closed for the day and I had had to get into the safe, I wouldn’t have been able.

        1. Burnt Out Librarian*

          This, which is why having a plan is important. It’s really not that outlandish to imagine that both managers could be unavailable due to unavoidable circumstances. I’m working somewhere that when the person who writes checks is out, everything halts that requires a check to be cut. It boggles my mind that places don’t plan for these sorts of possibilities or have back-ups, but I guess we’ve all been running on skeleton crew, understaffed rules for so long that having more than one person to rely on for specific tasks just in case isn’t the default anymore.

          1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

            At one of my previous jobs, I sat next to the AR person. She kept calling about an invoice that hadn’t been paid. For SIX WEEKS they kept saying that they couldn’t cut a check because their accounts payable person was out with pneumonia. SIX WEEKS. “Pneumonia girl” was a phrase we used ever after to mean inefficiency/work stoppage due to circumstances that should have been planned for.

        2. Laser99*

          I had to run two separate stores with the power off. One was a drugstore, and they made me write the sale codes on a bag—this was back when cash was still used frequently—jot down the sale, make change out out of the change drawer, and so forth.

          1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

            Fortunately, I only lived through a power outage during a shift ONCE and I say “fortunately” because it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. The store was big enough that you couldn’t get sunlight in from the windows to about the middle of the store back, let alone the stock room. The cash registers didn’t work. We didn’t have phones- we had ONE landline that was in the back of the store in a locked room (no windows, no light). This was the early 00’s, so lots of people had cellphones, but not everyone. And lots of people wanted to use credit cards. We just gently chased people out of store- they wanted to keep shopping, but it was a literal hazard (couldn’t see, they could have tripped, etc) and a theft risk.

            I was super sick on Christmas Day a few years back and the only store open was Walgreens- and they couldn’t figure out how to get the lights on. I looked super pitiful and muttered, masked, “Can I just get some Theraflu?” Fortunately the power was on and they had enough back up lights/windows that you could navigate okay, but yeah, I didn’t dawdle and thanked them profusely.

    2. Leia Oregano*

      I’ve been confronted with the reality of this likelihood a lot this year! I’m a one-person event coordinator for a series of events on our campus that bring in 15k-20k visitors a year, and not a single person on my team has the bandwidth to step in and take over if I’m out unexpectedly or for a long period of time — it would all fall to my boss, who is not great at this sort of large-scale event stuff and who has his own job to do. In the past nine months, I’ve fractured a foot and been non-weight-bearing/in a boot; come down with the flu the day before an event (and had to work the event, in a mask and on as much cold medicine as I could force into my body); and most recently I had norovirus less than two weeks before my next event. A conversation I’ll be having with my higher-ups over the summer (once I figure out how to broach this topic) will be the need for more assistance for me just in general, but also to cover in case of an emergency. When I had the flu my boss and his boss were all also sick/injured, so we were a motley crew attempting to keep the event running that day. We’re state employees running on pretty much the same size staff as we had pre-COVID despite a huge increase in workload, so I’m not anticipating the conversation will be well-received.

    3. Coverage Associate*

      It’s an interesting balance between not having a Plan B and planning for every contingency. At least some of the stories involve having 2 managers or key holders, but not having 3 or more.

      Solo practitioner lawyers are ethically bound to have contingency plans with another lawyer in case they get sick, though it’s usually for extended absences rather than something like the flu. For the flu, I have found that small but not solo practices can be the worst. Too small to always have an extra body to cover a hearing, too big to have procedures for special appearances when the lead attorney is sick.

  9. Bex (in computers)*

    Oddly enough this happened to me this morning (or a version of it), and I’m so grateful.

    I traveled tail end of last week for some work, and on the return trip I picked something up. I felt guilty about not being in after having been gone half the week previous, so I dragged myself in. Masked up and all, of course.

    And my colleagues looked at me and said I should be home. And I started to bristle. And then I backed down and thought for a second. They weren’t being mean, or excluding me. They were speaking from a place of genuine care and concern. And for my role, I wasn’t really in a place to work anyways.

    So. I thanked them, posted a note to the rest of our team, and headed home.

    Sometimes care can come across as bossy. Doesnt make it less caring, doesn’t make it less true.

    —

    On days when I’ve just looked poorly but been okay, I’ve found gentle responses such as “Much better than I look”, or “I’m very much on the upswing” have helped.

    1. Beth*

      I think it’s important to be thoughtful about when you push people to go home. When someone is in that in-between “I’m sick but not sick enough to call out” zone, and they’ve made a judgment call to come in, telling them to go home can come off as questioning their judgment or being bossy at them. If they’re at work because they feel like they have to be (they have an important upcoming deadline and no one else can do the work, they’re a supervisor and the other supervisor is even sicker, they’re hourly and can’t afford to lose the hours), it can come off as straight up insensitive.

      But sometimes it needs to be said. I once told a colleague to go home–she was a new hire who had just started, and she looked like death. It turned out that she felt like she couldn’t call out when she was that new, and since I was relatively senior on the team, I was able to tell her it was fine. I was glad I said something in that case; I had information she didn’t, and that information changed her judgment call.

    2. WellRed*

      Not sure why you felt guilty to start with, let alone showing up to work sick to assuage the guilt. You were traveling For Work.

  10. Just a Pile of Oranges*

    “you should do a Covid test before returning to work”

    How? I am actually asking, because I was direly ill a few months back and getting a covid test was impossible. My husband asked everywhere. Do they even exist anymore?

    1. Plus +*

      I’ve just had to go to urgent care the last couple of times I’ve needed one, which comes with a $40 copay. It’s not always feasible.

    3. ThatGirl*

      I’ve still seen them at Target and our grocery store pharmacy – bought more back in February – but if worse comes to worse you can get them on Amazon or other online stores. Good to have them on hand just in case.

      1. ThatGirl*

        And just to be clear I mean the home rapid tests; might be hard to find a PCR test, not sure about that.

      1. Just a Pile of Oranges*

        Not here they aren’t. Amazon US might have them, but Amazon Canada is a no.

        1. Hlao-roo*

          It looks like Walmart Canada has covid rapid tests. I’ll link in a reply to this comment.

        2. Fíriel*

          It probably varies by province but in Manitoba I was still able to get them for free at Shopper’s just a few months ago. Had to go to the front instead of the pharmacy though.

        3. LadyMTL*

          I live in Quebec and last year I bought a box of 4 at my local pharmacy. I don’t know if there are any places that offer the kits for free anymore, but they are still around.

        4. Tokei*

          I can get them for free at any pharmacy here in BC. You just have to go up to the pharmacy counter and tell them you need one; they’re not out on the floor.

    5. Constance Lloyd*

      They’re easy to find where I live. I’m sure availability will vary by location, but they do still exist.

    6. Tired Social Worker*

      Basically any pharmacy or online. Amazon has them, CVS has them, if your insurance has an online pharmacy/FSA store, you can get them through that.

      I visit healthcare settings for work and I always keep a few boxes on hand just in case.

      I’ve never had any trouble sourcing them.

      1. Tired Social Worker*

        Also, just a note, if you have medical insurance, and tests are available on the insurance’s online pharmacy/FSA store, they may be subsidized or free.

    7. Joielle*

      I just bought a combined covid/flu test at my local pharmacy a couple weeks ago, so apparently they’re available in some places! It was $12. They had a whole stack.

    8. testing 1-2-3*

      Good question! Since local/federal governments stopped distributing them, they are a lot harder to get & way more expensive when you do find them in stores! The most reliable option I know of is local mutual aid organizations that still source & distribute them – if you search your city + “mask bloc” you may be able to find an org near you that provides masks & tests for free.

    9. Dahlia*

      Yeah, I have a few very expired ones left, but in my country which is not America, it’s basically impossible to get them. You can’t buy them on amazon, and buying them is extremely expensive, honestly.

    10. KB*

      Uh—I just have the tests at home so I have one in case I need one. Buy now, use as needed. Replace when expired.

      1. Just a Pile of Oranges*

        Yeah but buy from where? Pharmacies aren’t stocking them anymore, Amazon doesn’t even sell them where I am. The few online stores I looked up were very, very expensive.

        My point was basically that access to Covid tests is not reliable for a lot of people.

    11. Ann O'Nemity*

      It seems like I see self tests when I don’t need them and can’t find them when I do want to buy one! I have better luck finding them at pharmacies than grocery or big box stores, but I agree that there still seem to be some supply chain issues.

    12. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      As others have said, I’ve seen the rapid tests at big box stores and pharmacies. Doctors and urgent cares should have them, as well as the ER (but those are expensive options). If it’s super rare or hard to find, try your local board of health- I don’t know that they give them out or administer them for free, but they may know more about local resources.

    13. Anti-germ*

      I really dislike the ‘just get a covid test’ advice. There are so many other contagious diseases! It’s great that someone doesn’t have covid, but they still have something (flu, other virus, strep throat,etc) that can get everyone else sick.

      2. Paint N Drip*

        Salient point! My very-much-an-adult coworker came in last week and announced he had mono – glad to know it isn’t covid, but I ALSO do NOT want mono!! or the flu! or anything you’re sharing with the class

      3. Amy*

        There are probably good reasons to sometimes want to know if something is covid (if your symptoms are super mild where you’re questioning if it’s just allergies, if you had contact with someone who had covid but you yourself aren’t showing symptoms, if you’re trying to determine if you need to get ahold of treatments, etc), but overall your point is fair. I don’t want to get someone’s cold, flu, strep, etc just because a covid test was negative!

    14. ArlynPage*

      I’m surprised to hear that covid home tests are not available where you are; every pharmacy / grocery store carries them near me (Northeast USA) and we also have free tests available at every library branch in our city as well.

    15. Anon in Ohio*

      I’ve seen them for sale in just about every grocery store and pharmacy I’ve been in in the last year or so

    16. Exme*

      In the U.S., I order online from WellBefore and get their combo flu/covid test. I just restocked after taking a couple tests over a few days while having a sore throat, and they were $9-10 depending on quantity. Personally, I wear a mask while having symptoms even if testing negative because tests aren’t always positive first day and no one wants my just-a-cold either, but if I tested positive or had extreme symptoms I would skip optional appointments and work from home.

    17. TeaAndToast*

      I am with you, Just a Pile of Oranges. I am in Ontario and COVID tests are nigh on impossible to find in stores and difficult to find online. Not a great situation.

    19. Generic Name*

      I just saw a rack of at-home COVID and COVID + flu tests at the grocery store when I went on Sunday.

    20. RC*

      I haven’t gotten a PCR for like 2 years, because it’s like $300 now. RATs are iffy unless you’re in the right symptomatic range. We have been using Metrix now when needed, it’s one reader device and then $25/test last I checked; they’re supposed to be as good as a PCR (and also you can do either saliva or swab, so e.g. one test for a household if you don’t think too hard about spitting into the same tube). We last bought some tests probably 6 mo ago, they were still readily available on their website as of then.

      1. Magc*

        Same — I got a Metrix reader and some tests once I realized how much cheaper that was than getting a PCR test at a regular lab. RATs are mostly useful for positive tests since their false negative rate is so high, and with two of three in my household being high risk for chronic covid issues, having something more reliable was a no-brainer.

        (Yes, I do realize I’m privileged enough that I can afford better testing.)

  11. DeliCat*

    Yeah, that comment about needing at least one manager on-site gave me pause. I mean, yes, that’s not unusual but is there really only two people that could do it?

    I wonder what the contingency plan for that is cause the tone of the letter implies that they’d perhaps still have needed to come in even if they were still unwell, simply because their counterpart is technically worse.

    1. K Smith*

      Yeah, that comment, along with “I am also much more productive being in the office” indicates that the OP is, at least to some extent, prioritizing work culture over the health of the other employees.

      There could be times with both on-site managers are sick! That doesn’t excuse a sick person knowingly showing up at work and risking infecting others.

      Nor does “I’m more productive on site” excuse knowingly exposing others to your illness.

    2. Coverage Associate*

      There are certainly organizations that small that there’s only 2 managers, or only one, but I personally don’t know any organizations so small that there’s only 2 people with keys.

      The priest at my church was probably one of the first people in the region with Covid in early March 2020. He was our only priest at the time, with the next closest 400 miles away. They were going to cancel all services until I told the board I had trained to lead an alternative service. There was at least once when we only had one priest that services were canceled altogether.

      Which, yes, at very small shops, you occasionally see signs about unexpected closures due to staffing or illness.

  12. appo*

    I feel this, I had bronchitis back in January and had a lingering cough that really just went away in the last couple of weeks. I just did a courtesy “as a FYI I’m no longer contagious but do still have a cough” to anyone I interacted with and had no issues

    1. Strive to Excel*

      Ugh, same. I had bronchitis almost three weeks ago and have had a lingering cough *forever*. I hate the stupid cough.

        1. Bast*

          We had the flu in January, and it was particularly nasty this year. One of the lingering side effects for my husband was this awful sounding cough that took a little over a month to go away. It was greatly aggravated by physical exertion and the cold, and –of course–it was a ridiculously cold winter, which didn’t help matters. He went to his PCP after a couple of weeks of it lingering and was told that it was taking 4-6 weeks for these lingering symptoms to disappear and he just needed to wait it out.

          1. Slothy*

            That stinks – I had a cold that took me down for not long at all but the cough would NOT go away – I ended up going to urgent care and they gave me a steroid which definitely helped after the full course of it. I did a week of mucinex and then a week of a cough supressant before going to the urgent care.

    2. Laura*

      I am an asthmatic whose main symptom is coughing, and my asthma flares are often triggered by viral infections. I legit had a bad cough for 3 months last winter after a nasty cold. I saw a doctor multiple times and confirmed it was nothing contagious, and it ultimately took several rounds of steroids to resolve. My role is 100% on site (they frown on you doing laboratory experiments at home) so while I tried to stay away from others as much as possible I was limited in my ability to stay home, especially because the initial illness used up nearly all of my sick time.

  13. Beth*

    This is one reason that I think it’s good for employers to give as much WFH flexibility as is possible for a given role. There are definitely roles that need everyone on site, or need at least one supervisor on site, or etc. But the more you can let people work remotely–and have that be a normal process that most people are well set up for–the more likely people will be to stay home when they’re in that in-between of “not 100% healthy but also not too sick to work.”

    We’ve all been in an office where someone’s kid got a cold from school, so they caught it, and then their team members caught it, and then it ran through the teams that sometimes work with their team members, and all of a sudden this thing’s been circulating around the office for the last 2 months. Even when it’s a minor cold, it usually leads to some people taking sick leave, and a lot more working at less than their usual best for a week or two. People being able to stay home without needing to use PTO or risk missing important deadlines can really cut off that cycle before it starts, which is great both for workers (who get sick less) and employers (who can avoid those productivity impacts).

  14. JS*

    Thank you Alison, for saying that some people will be uneasy if we feel there is a person in the office who could be contagious.

  15. Touchofthe'Tism*

    Mmmm… Yeah, sorry but I’m on the employee’s side here. You’re her boss so she can’t directly say she’s unhappy you’re risking getting everyone sick, but I’d bet that’s her concern. If you absolutely have to be there like you say you should be wearing a mask and/or telling everyone your doctor has cleared you as being not contagious

  16. MAOM7*

    You should still be home. “A couple of days” if you’ve had the flu is not enough – you are still likely contagious!! And did you get tested? And are you wearing a mask if you MUST be there? I’m one of those who is tired of catching every little bug that gets passed around at the office because people don’t stay home, and I’d be giving you the side-eye if I was in your office. Now that I work mostly from home (all but one day a month) it is amazing how little I’ve been sick in the last few years. And when I DO get sick, it’s after I’ve been to the office (caught Covid at the office three years ago, thanks for THAT). Stay home more than a couple days. Seriously.

      1. KateM*

        OP said themselves they had flu, though, and we are supposed to believe them. And flu is “less contagious after 5 days”.

    2. Lynn*

      My employer does not offer sick days, and so if I stay home for an extended amount of time when sick, I do not get paid

  17. stacers*

    I always reply with a version of: ‘you know how it goes, you often don’t look/sound sick when you feel terrible and then you sound the worst when you’re actually improved.’ That usually gets agreement and we all move on.

  18. pinkjar*

    I completely understand OP’s frustration here. But I also just went through flu season while 6 months pregnant, and let me tell you, some people TRULY have no regard for the health of others. I had a coworker get within a foot of me, cough, and then complain (in a horridly raspy voice) that her doctor told her to stay home but she “just had too much to do.” It was infuriating, especially because the office next to mine belongs to a coworker going through chemo.
    All that to say, I recognize the frustration of people commenting on your health, but I think it’s often a reflection of their own frustration with *others* coming to work very ill.

    1. Cabbagepants*

      Ok but in no other context is it considered at all appropriate to diagnose others based on a handful of observations, let alone give unsolicited scoldings and medical advice. People can be as upset as they want about other people coming to work “sick” and the solution is to control what you can control and wear a good mask.

      1. Cradletotherave*

        In this specific story, pinkjar is saying her co-worker acknowledged being sick, so…there’s no scare quotes needed. The co-worker was actually sick, and I think being upset someone came to work sick *against doctors orders* when you are pregnant and another co-worker is in cancer treatment is a normal response. It’s also disingenuous to pretend that someone with visible URV symptoms has some sort of secret, inscrutable medical diagnosis that no reasonable person can dare infer is contagious.

  19. RWM*

    Just adding to the chorus of voices asking you to please wear a mask and keep your distance from others! Sometimes “you should be at home!” is polite code for “you are coughing all over the place and it’s icky.” This flu is really nasty and I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t want to get sick, and wearing a mask is a very reasonable option here.

  20. desk platypus*

    Being honest is definitely a must, especially when you have coworkers who might be watching you more closely than usual. I have a coworker who got over a cold recently and has a gross lingering cough. But the thing that gets me with her is that she made a loud point of saying she’s washing her hands more, using sanitizer for anytime she touches something for others, etc. I work near her space. Not a drop of sanitizer and she wetly coughs right into her hands.

    So people will be more inclined to trust you if you’re actually taking common sense measures.

    1. SW*

      Reasonable people can also agree that we do not exist in a bubble and that our choices can and will affect others. Being more cautious is prudent when people’s lives are on the line. We live in a society.

      1. A*

        I think it’s important not to be hyperbolic, though.

        “People’s lives are on the line” is really strong language for this situation.

        1. Pocket Mouse*

          …But it’s literally true, which I think you’ve read multiple times just today in these comments here?

        2. Sar*

          I find this fascinating when over 1 million americans died of covid. All the while, Americans were hearing “actually this isn’t that big of a deal.” If that’s the case, why do we commemorate 9/11 at all?

          Not to say that things aren’t less dicey and scary than they were for, e.g., most of 2020. But * is * it really strong language for this situation? Or is it not strong enough, because if more people had believed this in their hearts (“it is both kind and reasonable to be more cautious than you might naturally be”), some unknown fraction of those million Americans wouldn’t be dead?

          1. A*

            I do not think Covid is “not a big deal” I got vaccinated at my first opportunity to do so. I wear a mask when appropriate. I always wash hands and take other precautions.

            I also think some people have set their risk analysis dial at “I will never get sick again” or “anybody who coughs without a mask is trying to kill people” and those are unreasonable expectations.

            Some nuance in this discussion would be really great.

            1. Alice*

              I don’t think that “anybody who coughs without a mask is trying to kill people.” I haven’t read any comment, but I doubt anyone said that.

              I think that someone who is not fully recovered from a respiratory infection (the flu, OP said) is probably exhaling infectious aerosols that float in the air and linger like smoke, and if they are insisting on spending time in indoor shared spaces without wearing a mask, then they are *willing* to kill people.

        3. Bike Walk Bake Books*

          Dying is a “really strong situation”. A coworker shouldn’t have to bring a communicable disease home to a vulnerable family member due to someone else’s nonchalance about really basic facts.

          1. A*

            Do you know the LW has a communicable disease right now?

            It is entirely possible the LW is not sick anymore but has a lingering cough. That is a possibility everybody is outright ignoring. Why?

            1. Calamity Janine*

              regardless of the additional danger of the exact contents, coughing still is projecting mucus out of the body via droplets – that is objectively the point of it, even dry coughing. this is a fact that *you* are outright ignoring and dismissing, as well as how we have societal standards that already say one should try to be mindful of one’s bodily fluids and where they end up. why?

        4. moql*

          I’m immunocompromised. I look like a healthy 30 year old but a cold can put me out for a month and might put me in the hospital. You wearing a mask when you have cold symptoms is just such a minor consideration for your fellow humans.

          The number of people who have told me ‘oh, it’s just my seasonal allergies’ who have turned out to *also* be sick is much higher than I would like.

          1. A*

            I get that, I really do.

            I think where I struggle in this discussion is the degree to which the LW is wrong. To use a driving example, I think the LW not masking at work under these circumstances is like driving a 60 in a 45. It’s not great but it’s not terrible and I’ve done it myself.

            Other people are acting like the LW drove 110 in a 65, drunk, going the wrong way down the freeway during rush hour.

            I think there is some room to discuss where this actually falls on this spectrum because I suspect it is somewhere in between these extremes.

    2. Pocket Mouse*

      Not all reasonable people are starting with the same awareness of what the potential outcomes are, or incorporating other people’s wellbeing in their risk analyses. Conscientious people at least do the latter.

    3. Cosmic Crisp*

      I agree with you, people can disagree about risk.

      I’ve heard it said that there should be two factors considered when you think about taking a risk: how likely a bad outcome is, and how serious the bad outcome is.

      The thing is, for the past five years, people who are in danger of becoming seriously ill and/or dying have seen others make risk decisions that seem not to factor in the danger they are in at all, up to and including actively decieving them. This is what people are reacting to: the fact that even if someone is entirely well-meaning but doesn’t know for sure if they’re contagious, they don’t consider the vulnerable people around them in thir risk factors and make decisions that can seriously harm or kill those vulnerable people. LW may or may not have been contagious. We have no way to know for sure. But vulnerable people do tend to get upset when the very serious danger to them doesn’t factor into someone’s risk assessment at all.

  22. phira*

    LW, I think it’s a little worrisome that you mention ways you’ve been minimizing risk but just say “etc” instead of mentioning wearing a mask. You should be masking if you’re coughing!

    I do think you are in the wrong here, not because your employees are correct that you should be at home specifically, but because it’s not unreasonable for them to expect you to take their health more seriously.

    1. A*

      I think there is a difference between coming into work at the height of illness while taking no precautions and coming into work at the end of illness taking some precautions.

      The LW is perhaps not taking health as seriously as other people here but that does not mean the LW is objectively wrong or bad.

      It is very, very hard to be objective about this stuff and I don’t want to see the LW’s actions blown out of proportion because they are not exactly what other people think they would do in the same situation.

      1. Alice*

        My goal is not to be “objective” about “this stuff.” My goal is to work onsite enough to keep my job while also not bringing home COVID, flu, TB (very unlikely to be sure, but a lot more likely than a year ago), or anything else that will hurt or kill my immunocompromised partner. That’s the stakes of “this stuff” for some of us.
        A lot of people in this comment section could benefit from being in community with people with disabilities.

      2. Paint N Drip*

        I tend to think there is no ‘objective’ when it comes to this – some people are prioritizing work and productivity and teamwork, and other people are prioritizing NOT DYING, and those people are probably on the opposite sides of the health continuum. I tend to think that since the risk is so extremely high (immunocompromised person genuinely could be at risk of death) and the risk-prevention is so simple (take sick time if needed, work from home if you can, wear a mask if symptomatic but not contagious) that everyone should err on the side of pro-social engagement and the group can ethically encourage that

        1. A*

          I think framing this as “you either prioritize work or you prioritizing living” is reductive.

          There is a lot more space in between these two extremes than most conversations on the Internet entertain.

      3. Calamity Janine*

        well, we can objectively say that even if the LW is absolutely not contagious…

        …it’s still considered rude in our society to get your mucus out onto your environment without much done to corral it. and a mask is a very efficient and safe way to keep your boogers to yourself as you cough and sneeze.

        objectively, the purpose of a cough is to get stuff out of your body, quite similar to a sneeze. there doesn’t need to be nasty pathogens that will absolutely infect someone in those respiratory droplets to make it grody and rude to the people around you. the LW isn’t doing the greatest amount of control here, and that’s probably an aspect of the response of “are you sure you should be here (instead of at home where you can be gross away from me and our shared space)”. there are many bodily fluids that don’t have to be contagious dangers to other people to be… gross and ill-mannered if you don’t pay attention to where they’re going and who they’re getting on. to exaggerate my point for a much more clear example: there are very few things that are dangerous pathogens that could be spread to someone in proximity of period blood. this does not mean it’s cool to freebleed at the office.

        in short, i think you have narrowly defined objectivity in a way that means you’ve missed the forest for the trees. the callousness to disabled people by calling our worries “blown out of proportion” isn’t something that you even had to get to. instead just look at the objective facts about what coughs are, what they do, and the societal rules of politeness about bodily excretions that we are all already holding each other to.

        …well, i hope, anyway. please nobody mistake my hair for a kleenex, i will actually cry

      4. phira*

        I don’t think that this is about any kind of objectivity. This is just a rehash of all the stuff we’ve been going through since COVID. The LW is free to be as serious or not as they want about their own health, but showing up to work while coughing and not masking is not acceptable in 2025.

  23. Annony*

    I am so happy that my workplace requires masks for anyone with a cough. There is no “use your judgment” involved. If you have a cough and feel up to coming to work, you wear a mask.

  24. Statler von Waldorf*

    “It feels wrong to me that someone thinks they know better about my current state of health than I do.”

    Yet my reading of the letter indicates that this wrongness only goes one way. The LW does not appear to feel the same way about her unstated assumption that she knows better about her co-workers current state of health than they do.

    I mean, I only see two possibilities here. One is that the LW is assuming that no one she works with is immunocompromised to the point where the flu would kill them or cause them serious harm. The other is that the LW has a near criminal indifference to human life. Even if I assume the best case scenario here, it’s still not a good look.

  25. mango chiffon*

    Wearing a mask can prevent one from getting sick! I can trace every last time I got sick in the last several years to times when I was unmasked around my germy daycare-going nephews. Wearing a mask can also help if you are coughing so you’re not spreading around germs! Even if you’re not technically contagious anymore, it helps if you’re not coughing up droplets all over the place. Also I get that it’s difficult because someone else is out, but it sets a bad example for your direct reports if you are coming in looking like you’re sick. They may feel pressured to come in while sick because their manager did.

  26. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

    Gotta admit it’s been 2 years+ since I’ve seen anyone in a mask or heard of anyone taking a Covid test here (Germany). I’m retired, so I don’t know if it’s different in offices.
    Are masks & tests still fairly normal in the US?

    I’ve always stayed home if I feel unwell, for my own health & comfort (6 weeks paid sick leave is mandatory here) but I wouldn’t feel like wfh either when ill, unless the most minor sniffles. I get better more quickly if I just rest and chill.

    1. mango chiffon*

      I mask every single day I leave my home and go into another building or public transit. I’m definitely an odd one out, but I do see a few other people still masking on public transit or at my office. I get good sick time and can work remotely if I am ill, but I’d rather just not get sick in the first place. And I haven’t been sick except for when I’ve been open mouth coughed on by toddlers

    2. Touchofthe'Tism*

      Not as normal as it should be imo. But if I’m sick at all (I had a nasty flu earlier this year) I wear a mask for as long as I’m coughing and test Covid if I’m not feeling well. A lot of people I know do the same, but then again a lot of people don’t. It was definitely more common when, say, I was in NYC, than it is here in FL.

    3. Silver Robin*

      No, they are not, but they should be.

      And, I know you know, but the US does not have 6 weeks mandatory sick leave either. So we cannot stay home, “rest and chill”, until we get better. We cannot afford a lot of medicine or testing either because our healthcare sucks. Honestly, KN95 masks are probably the most accessible mitigation measure because they are truly cheap and available on Amazon for delivery.

      But masks are not only not normalized, they have become a political signifier, as reviewed in other comments. Wearing them in a hostile community gets jeers and eye rolls and sometimes outright verbal abuse. Mask bans are back in style too as our governments get ever more authoritarian and afraid of public demonstrations. The idea of wearing them because you care about other people is just…rare. And all the exhaustion from COVID, the politicization, the lack of government support or coherent public health efforts mean that mask wearing is uncommon everywhere, even in my social justice oriented workplace. Probably because it is really hard to be the only one doing things that everyone else *should* be doing; collective action pitfalls abound. If you require masking to be around other people….there are not a lot of other people to be around.

      1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

        I’m baffled why – or even how! – healthcare masks could be banned. It’s not like you’re entering a bank wearing a ski mask. I thought your Constitution protected against arbitrary measures like this when there is no harm being prevented. Or do you mean individual shops with weird owners, maybe banks etc banning them?

        Masks should be personal choice imo (except for a couple of years during the height of the pandemic, when e.g. FFP95 were mandatory here and we also had vaccine passes)

        1. mango chiffon*

          State governments are enacting mask bans because student protesters on campuses work masks and it’s entirely because of opposition to protest. The Constitution is an absolute joke right now, I’m afraid.

        2. Ann O'Nemity*

          The resurgence of mask bans is largely a response to protests and demonstrations, though it also reflects lingering resentment and pushback from earlier mask mandates. The issue has become highly politicized. For many, especially in areas with mask bans or in politically conservative regions, wearing a mask can invite suspicion, harassment, or even contact with law enforcement. This creates real barriers for individuals who need to wear masks for legitimate health reasons!

        3. Ana Gram*

          Many jurisdictions have had mask bans on the books for decades (Halloween was often listed in the law as an exception). The bans were suspended for COVID and many are now reinstated. The original, old time mask bans were for the KKK and prevalence of people wearing masks to commit crimes in public and go unrecognized.

          I see both sides but that’s the background.

    4. Constance Lloyd*

      I live in a huge US city. I mask 100% of the time on public transit, large places like grocery stores, and at work if I’m sniffly (or if coworkers are sniffly). I get 3 days sick leave each year.

    5. Enders*

      The U.S. employees typically do not have a lot of or any paid sick time, so going to work while symptoms continue is going to happen unless people can work from home. That’s the way we’ve set up our system. Because of that, conscientious people will now wear a mask and practice hygiene to try to limit impact on coworkers while they are coughing or risk of being contagious. Because your coworkers also can’t afford to miss work sick. In Germany you might just stay home while sick.

      1. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

        Yeah, the answer here isn’t “blame OP for coming in sick” or “blame OP’s coworker for being too cautious.” Individuals are being forced into shitty choices by systemic factors. In the US, what we actually need is more sick time, better health care, and less idiocy like masking bans. So basically, the opposite of the way we’re going.

    6. LL*

      No, they aren’t. I see people masking sometimes, but they’re definitely in the minority. My local grocery store sells COVID tests (as well as COVID + flu tests), so the tests still exist, but I’m not sure how many people are still using them. I had a bad cold/sinus infection this winter and I masked when I needed to leave the house, especially when I was on public transit or at the doctor, but otherwise I don’t mask.

    7. Lisa*

      Masks are uncommon but I do see them occasionally.

      Tests are easy to find in a pharmacy here, either rapid to purchase or in-clinic testing, so I’m surprised at the people posting that they aren’t available. What I have seen a lot lately for sale is combination flu+Covid tests, which is a great innovation since you get a lot of the same symptoms for both.

      (North Central US, for reference.)

  27. Nilsson Schmilsson*

    If your cough is from a cold (bronchitis), flu, Covid, or any other virus, you are contagious as long as you are coughing.

    1. Distracted Librarian*

      Citation needed. Coughs can linger for weeks when all other symptoms have resolved.

    2. Troubadour*

      That’s true taken very literally ie if you have an active virus which is causing your cough then you’re contagious.

      But if the virus is defeated, but left behind lung damage, or a hyped-up immune system, then a cough might persist for weeks/months and you wouldn’t be contagious.

      I say this as someone who does mask all the time because as an asthmatic I’m *really* enjoying not getting colds anymore – I used to recover from the cold just fine but the asthma (and its itchy-throat coughing) would last for *ages*. So I still think it’s a good idea to wear a mask even if no longer contagious because who wants to recover from one virus and then immediately catch another one?

      1. mpe1*

        As an asthmatic, I don’t wear a mask. Because it triggers my asthma. Not dying within the next few seconds is a priority for me.

  28. Indolent Libertine*

    Once again, for those in the back, you can still be shedding virus for up to a couple of weeks after you feel completely recovered, and if you are coughing, you are spreading droplets and aerosols everywhere and risking the health of everyone you come into contact with. Wear. A. Damn. Mask!!

  29. Wear A Mask Or Stay Home*

    If you really “need to be on-site” (which I’m seriously side-eyeing) and are coughing, wear a mask. I don’t care if you think you’re getting over it. I do not want to breathe in the aeresolized germs you’re spreading around.

  30. Deborah M*

    My recent “lingering cough” turned out to be bronchitis, which tends to follow colds, flu, and Covid, and which is contagious. Please consider seeing a doctor if your cough doesn’t go away soon. And PLEASE consider masking at work until it does.

  31. toolegittoresign*

    I tend to sound way worse with the lingering cough than I do when sick, and I usually tell people that. BUT! I work from home. So I know people are just saying that to make sure I’m not working when I don’t feel well. If I were in the office, I would definitely mask up.

  32. Gimme Shelter*

    You can be contagious from the flu for 5-6 days even after feeling better. Isolating and masking only goes so far. The idea you understand how people can be concerned regarding compromised health situations rings false. I work with a woman like that and she came to work “feeling better” but still coughing despite our generous PTO policy. She ended up getting most of the office sick, including someone who’s young daughter has cancer and is going through chemo. You guessed it, the little girl became ill and ended up hospitalized.

  33. Too many dogs*

    Adding my voice to the Wear a Mask advice. You might still be contagious, you might not be. You wrote that “the department manager is off WITH THIS FLU…” Your employee knows that, knows you have been sick, and might be worried that this flu is more contagious than you know. Wear the mask, not out of “I don’t think I’m contagious, but….” but “I don’t think I’m contagious, but I want you to feel safe..”

  34. blink14*

    As an immunocompromised person who is at higher risk to contract and develop severe lung and sinus infections, this is a case where I would sincerely hope you consider wearing a mask, if you can’t totally isolate yourself and/or work from home.

    I have worked the spectrum of jobs with little sick time to a lot of sick time. I fought through seriously declining health at a job with little sick time and I literally do not know how I functioned some days. My current job has a very generous sick time policy, and it is encouraged to use that time to stay home to keep your co-workers away from exposure and to also really recover. A lot of times, a few days out is enough to get through the acute illness, but not the recovery period.

    Prior to Covid, there was a winter where I was pretty ill (and just before my main chronic illness was diagnosed, so everything was a risk factor for me). I had pneumonia followed by bronchitis, and was out of work for over a week. Within about a week of me coming back to work (with doctor approval of both my health and no risk of being further contagious) my co-worker came in to the office coughing and saying they felt ill.

    My boss at the time asked them to leave and work from home, or take a sick day. And specifically, the person was asked to leave because they knew I had just been very sick and but were completely unbothered or unaware that them being sick was putting me in harm’s way, along with my boss who was older and recovering from a surgery. The combination of a complete lack of awareness of others, with the immense amount of sick time available, was so frustrating and a good example of how bad our work culture is in the US.

    Turns out, the co-worker has some kind of viral lung infection, which they could’ve passed to me. And I may have ended up hospitalized. Which, in work terms, would’ve meant someone out for a significant amount of time in a small department.

    Awareness is key. Appropriate sick time allowance is key. Appropriate time to recover to be able to work well is key. Knowing what to do in the case of two people being out is key. All things to look at to better prepare for the future.

  35. cathy*

    I will say, with combined sick & vacation time (PTO) I have to be pretty darn sick to use my PTO. I begrudge each sick day when it could have been a fun day.

    But I also am very willing to wear a mask.

    1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      A great illustration why combined PTO is a really bad idea – certainly for those around you

  36. Raida*

    How should I respond when someone tells me that I am too sick to be at work and I should be at home?
    “…and mumbled something about feeling better and just dealing with this cough now.”

    Well, you don’t mumble something.

    You say “No, I’m not tired, no headache, I’m thinking clearly and breathing easily. And I am paying attention to what I touch so I can keep it clean, don’t worry!” and look a little chipper.

    If they insist either “are you sure” or “you really should go home” then feel free to give them a “Of course I’m sure.”
    Or a kindly blank stare and say “I must look a lot worse than I thought, huh.” and go back to work.

  37. mpe1*

    For the past half century, I’ve been told I’m “not really ill” when I’m ill.
    For the past quarter of a century, I’ve been told I’m “too ill to work” and also “just trying to get sympathy” when I’m simply dealing with the day-to-day of chronic health issues (including asthma) that pose *zero* risk to anyone else.
    People will project their own bullshit. Just smile, give a capsule comment (“I’m actually feeling lots better, but thanks!”) and carry on.

  38. Nat20*

    I’m sorry, but if you have a lingering cough and you’re not wearing a mask, you are NOT “taking every possible precaution”. I’d say you’re not even taking the most important/effective one.

  39. RJ*

    Years ago at my old job, our department had a new employee still on her probationary period who was deathly ill, coughing and hacking all day. I asked my boss to send her home and his response was “We can’t, she doesn’t have her sick days yet” and so over the next two weeks, everyone in our department got sick. Incredible minds at work!

  40. Anon attorney*

    your report wasn’t trying to suggest she knows better than you how you feel. she was politely indicating that she thought you shouldn’t be there because you might infect others. consider that your subordinate might not feel able to say to you directly “I’m worried about getting this, and I want you to work from home” so this is the best they can do.

    I feel like by this point in human history it should surely be obvious to everyone that if you are sick but still able to work, and you can perform your work at home, then you should do just that. I know that’s not an option for everyone but not only do I not want your virus (even if it’s not Covid) neither does my clinically vulnerable elderly parent or immunocompromised friend. rather than getting offended perhaps consider the risk you were requiring your report to run by being around you while you were sick and how little she could do about that.

    1. Yes OP Would Ideally Mask*

      She wasn’t necessarily indicating she thought OP would infect others. “You should be at home” is frequently just an expression of sympathy, or in companies with terrible illness policies, one of solidarity: “You should be allowed to be at home without being punished for it.”

  41. kikioh*

    As someone who is immunocompromised, I get anxious when people come in to work and sound like they are dying. The second point is so valid. I always go over my allotted sick days each year because of people coming in sick.

  42. Liz Bender*

    Honest question here, I stopped masking quite a while ago because I assumed there are negative repercussions from extremely limiting germ exposure. We need to encounter germs to build our immune systems right? Eventually, if you’re limiting germ contact for a prolonged period of time wouldn’t that ultimately lower your immune response when you do encounter germs? Or is that only applicable to building your immune system as a kid?

  43. Hroethvitnir*

    I am not the first and probably won’t be the last to say this: but it is unlikely you are 100% non-contagious from a cold after two days at home. I agree that it’s unrealistic to take the entire course of most URIs off (whether we like it or not), but two days is not it – and masks cut transmission massively.

    Rhinoviruses are generally contagious for 7-13 days after you become symptomatic (with lowering load over time but enough to be considered transmissable). Influenza is similar, COVID is wildly variable by subtype but considering it 1-3 weeks of transmissibility is sensible.

    Sorry to be preachy, but I want to be clear that a cold (rhinovirus) and influenza are not particularly similar. Flu generally comes fever and overall more severe symptoms. Influenza has been killing immune compromised people since forever, and all of them carry a risk of post-viral inflammation, but COVID has a massively increased chance of post-viral inflammation that can render you disabled.

    As someone who has post-chemotherapy chronic fatigue and multiple friends with long COVID, I cannot tell you how much I wish people who think a mild course of COVID means it’s not a real risk to them personally really grasped how much it screws up your life.

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