my best employee quit on the spot because I wouldn’t let her go to her college graduation

by Alison Green on July 5, 2016

A reader writes:

I manage a team, and part of their jobs is to provide customer support over the phone. Due to a new product launch, we are expected to provide service outside of our normal hours for a time. This includes some of my team coming in on a day our office is normally closed (based on lowest seniority because no one volunteered).

One employee asked to come in two hours after the start time due to her college graduation ceremony being that same day (she was taking night classes part-time in order to earn her degree). I was unable to grant her request because she was the employee with the lowest seniority and we need coverage for that day. I said that if she could find someone to replace her for those two hours, she could start later. She asked her coworkers, but no one was willing to come in on their day off. After she asked around, some people who were not scheduled for the overtime did switch shifts with other people (but not her) and volunteered to take on overtime from others who were scheduled, but these people are friends outside of work, and as long as there is coverage I don’t interfere if people want to give or take overtime of their own accord. (Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.)

I told this team member that she could not start two hours late and that she would have to skip the ceremony. An hour later, she handed me her work ID and a list of all the times she had worked late/come in early/worked overtime for each and every one of her coworkers. Then she quit on the spot.

I’m a bit upset because she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.

Even though she doesn’t work here any longer, I want to reach out and tell her that quitting without notice because she didn’t get her way isn’t exactly professional. I only want to do this because she was an otherwise great employee, and I don’t want her to derail her career by doing this again and thinking it is okay. She was raised in a few dozen different foster homes and has no living family. She was homeless for a bit after she turned 18 and besides us she doesn’t have anyone in her life that has ever had professional employment. This is the only job she has had. Since she’s never had anyone to teach her professional norms, I want to help her so she doesn’t make the same mistake again. What do you think is the best way for me to do this?

What?! No, under no circumstances should you do that.

If anything, you should consider reaching out to her, apologizing for how you handled the situation, and offering her the job back if she wants it.

I’m not usually a fan of people quitting on the spot, but I applaud her for doing it in this case. She was raised in dozens of foster homes, used to be homeless, has no living family, and apparently managed to graduate from college all on her own. That’s amazing. And while I normally think graduation ceremonies are primarily fluff, I’m hard-pressed to think of anyone who deserves to be able to attend her own graduation ceremony as much as this woman does. You should have been bending over backwards to ensure she could attend.

Rigidly adhering to rules generally isn’t good management. Good management requires nuance and judgment. Sometimes it requires making exceptions for good employees so that you don’t lose them. Sometimes it requires assessing not just what the rules say but what the right and smart thing to do would be.

One of the frustrating things about your letter is that despite rigidly adhering to the rules with this person, you were willing to make an exception for someone else (the person with the concert tickets). I’m at a loss to understand how concert tickets are an obvious exception-maker but this person’s situation wasn’t.

And you note that she was your “best employee by far”! She never missed a day of work in six years, she was your go-to person, she covered for every other person there, and she was all-around excellent … and yet when she needed you to help her out with something that was important to her, you refused.

There’s a lesson to be learned here, but it’s not for her.

Read an update to this letter here. 

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  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    Y’all, I know that this letter-writer’s actions are stirring up strong reactions, but please remember that the site rules ask you to ensure your comments are constructive and come from a kind place. It’s becoming onerous to explain that over and over so I’m moving more toward a willingness to simply remove comments that violate those rules.

    1. John Hedtke*

      I have to say that I’m dazzled by the poor quality of the manager. The lack of concern and appreciation for someone’s personal efforts, particularly when they are cited as one’s best employee, is staggeringly narcissistic. There are plenty of other things besides working for a company as small-minded as this and I am very happy to hear that the employee in question didn’t buy into the BS that this job was more important than anything.

      And, btw, if she *had* been dumb enough to forego her graduation in favor of working that add’l two hours, what would her reward have been? I didn’t hear of a darn thing save the implicit idea that she could keep her job. Well, I think she made it very clear what her priorities were.

      For the record, if I had someone who came to me for an interview and said “You should know I did this” and described handing the manager his/her a clear “Up yours!” in this situation, I would be strongly inclined to hire her, because I view the employee’s actions as perfectly professional. The manager, OTOH, wouldn’t be worth sour owl spit.

      1. Christopher Tracy*

        Yup. Her career will be fine. No reasonable hiring manager will hear this story and blame the employee for quitting without notice – what was done to her was really shitty.

        1. Dan E*

          Conversely, if I was in a position to hire this manager and heard this story I would seriously reconsider. This manager made a very poor decision.

          1. Haakon L*

            Well, if you asked him about a time that he messed up and learned from, then that might make a good story?

        2. James Chism*

          Yes, the cost of a college degree is far more and more important than the cost of a concert ticket! Did this manager think that because she was such a good employee he could just railroad her into working and not attending her graduation?

          1. Lyn*

            Exactly what I was thinking! The cost of those graduation tickets was far higher. What strange logic, and lack of foresight.

          2. Raf*

            Exactly. When you always always say yes the one time you say no RAILROAD. That aught a teach your best employ against saying no!

      2. Frank*

        I’m kinda hoping that the State UI people will be explaining things to him more forcefully. Kind of like the way you get a mule’s attention, only with monetary forfeits.

          1. MsTeeCee2U*

            Yes you can, once you meet the mandatory 10 week clause. But I have a feeling she’ll be employed within that time.

          2. Will Rhodes*

            There are situations where you can do so. Basically, if you have a good reason to quit, you qualify. An employee at a company I worked for quit after management threatened to withhold paychecks until paperwork was completed. He got UI benefits. Had to fight for them, tho.

            1. Terry Lambert*

              The threat was on the table, and he had already made an exception for freaking concert tickets!

              I’m sorry, but as life events go, there’s death in the family, birth of the first kid, graduating college, etc.. Concert tickets are down in the noise.

              If I were adjudicating this, I’d call it “a forced resignation in an attempt to avoid paying unemployment”.

              By the way… was the manager going to be there at the odd hours as well? Because in the limit, were I her manager, I would have been volunteering to cover that 2 hour window.

              1. Suzan H*

                I agree with Terri.
                The cost involved for the concert tickets was far less than the cost of graduation. To say there was cost involved over a graduation is to say that her years of college, cost of books, school supplies and cap and gown were all free and had no value.
                What this woman had worked for over the years has more value than 1,000 concert tickets and in 10 minutes you devalued everyone college degrees.

                1. James*

                  The audacity and the irony of it all. I love the readers blatant self-awareness as she compares CONCERT tickets to 4 years of gas, tuition, books, fees, etc. I’m sure this guys concert tickets were worth less than 3 units that this hero of an employee paid for.

                1. John28619*

                  Better yet, not only find someone to cover a couple of hours – but do so for the both of you. Then ask the young lady if you as her manager may attend the ceremony as well, and if she says yes, then take her in you vehicle to the ceremony and show the employee how much they mean to you, based on you own definition of her value.

                  I never, repeat never, allow myself to miss one of my officers graduation from either the academy or college of higher learning. Then afterwards I look for voids in our staffing where I can maximize their talent, give them a raise (if possible) and show them by my actions how much their willingness to attain their certificates, degrees or honors means to me and every member of management above me.

                  Kindness costs us so little, but failing to offer it has a definite cost as you have outlined.

              3. Jules*

                Birth of a first kid?
                But no others? Careful now.. You’re not far behind this guy’s thinking

                1. Kurt*

                  I have to say i do think all children’s birth should be attended but I think the first holds a real priority.

          3. JenniP*

            I received UI after quitting on the spot due to an abusive and vindictive supervisor. You just have to prove you have just cause for leaving. Which this employee certainly does. Her stellar track record, from her manager’s own mouth is fuel for her cause.

          4. LK*

            Incorrect, an employee can quit under duress and receive UI — it is a fact because I did this exact same thing and lived 6 months on UI then went back to school to finish my degree. All she needs is to give them the exact same proof she gave this “mgr” and she is fine.

            1. Francis J Marrano*

              I’m currently assisting in an unemployment dispute. Quitting does not preclude you from unemployment insurance. If the voluntary separation is for just cause benefits will be awarded. In this case, I don’t believe she would receive unemployment benefits. I would have recommended she call in late that day and suffer the internal consequences.

              I’m sure she’ll find a better job and be a much better manager than her former superior.

              2. JakeBe5*

                It does depend on location. In Virginia for example she wouldn’t have a case for constructive dismissal. It is (at present) a two-prong test. 1) Were the working conditions in direct conflict with clear public policy of the State, and 2) did the employer create that environment.

                There isn’t a clear public policy on attending college graduations, so it would likely fail. They could fight it in court and get it changed, but not right now.

                Virginia is not exactly employee friendly in employment law. For example, lets say you got fired on account of your gender. You can’t sue under a common law tort (which is where big money judgement come from), it is forbidden. So you can only sue for the statutory remedy. “In any case where the employee prevails, the court shall award attorney fees from the amount recovered, not to exceed 25 percent of the back pay awarded. The court shall not award other damages, compensatory or punitive, nor shall it order reinstatement of the employee.”

                (the courts have recognized this is pretty messed up but have found a way to let people sue again if the dismissal was for refusal to engage in sexual acts since there are criminal laws on fornication and that becomes the basis of the lawsuit, not gender discrimination)

                But with tiny judgments no one is going to take those cases unless you were making good money and had a slam dunk case.

                Other at-will States (where employers have fought for the right of employees to quit without notice) may have similar arrangements.

                1. Carrie*

                  The federal law of overtime hours cannot be made mandatory fits both of those criterion. It also would superceded any state law.

            3. Bill*

              Morally she was within reason without question, she would have been in a better position if she simply said she wasn’t showing up due to personal reasons, then returned to the job, if she was released for not showing up for that shift then she likely would have been able to receive benefits. By quitting she is required to establish a basis for leaving a job, being fired the employer has to establish good cause for separation.

              Each case is different and the determination is based upon the evidence presented. There isn’t sufficient evidence here to establish the behavior on the employer’s part that would rise to the level of duress, though with more evidence it might be established. As always I wish everyone well.

              1. Martin*

                Of course, not showing up stating “personal reasons” is something a “lesser employee” might have done.
                That she did not do this just underscores that she was indeed a very good colleague.

                1. Sara E*

                  I agree 100% that being dishonest by saying she had personal reasons, would have all but negated her stand for what should have been a celebration and not a termination!
                  This “manager” employs ID #’s rather than seeing them as real people!
                  -Yes, the job must be done!
                  -Yes, there are sorry employees that do quit at the drop of a hat!
                  -Yes, there are people who only work long enough to gather real or imaginary dirt in order to sue!
                  -Yes, being responsible for others and their performances requires significant sacrifices and motivation!
                  -Yes, it’s easy to get lost in “the business” and miss out on the important things in your life, your loved ones and your co-workers/employees!
                  But…
                  -No, we can never forget the excitement we had when we met personal and professional goals!
                  -No we are assisting with the lives of not only clients and employees. True leaders realize sacrifices have to made daily by employees re: family, finances, etc.
                  -No, we can’t allow all requests to be honored.
                  Common sense and realizing all people aren’t going to sacrifice everything over a paycheck are definitely necessary in being a leader that others aspire to be!

            4. Bridget*

              I agree with Allison on this one. I don’t know how you were blinded by what was right and wrong in her asking for 2 hours off. Seriously, your explanation of your side of the situation sounds like all the responses people post about their nutty bosses. You really need to step back and evaluate your judgment about your respect and humanity towards your employees. I also think your professionalism should be questioned not hers.

          5. BTW*

            I’m in Canada but the same rules apply and you can’t get benefits for being fired either (unless it’s a layoff) I was able to obtain benefits however, after pleading my case. It was pretty clear what happened to me when an explanation was given.

            1. anonB*

              Actually, you can get EI if you are fired, just not if you are fired for “misconduct”. “any inappropriate action, offence, or professional fault committed willingly or deliberately by a person while working for an employer. Misconduct occurs when an employee’s behaviour is in violation of the obligations set out in his contract of employment and when, under normal circumstances, the employee should have known that the actions, omissions or faults could result in a dismissal.”

            2. Tom*

              Not true, I am in Canada (Ontario) and evena firing for cause can be challenged. If not specifically with cause you are likely get U.I.

              1. SignalLost*

                I know I’m way late, but maybe someone will see it. Cause means that the employer can prove you did the thing, that they did not misconstrue the thing deliberately, and that they took prompt and immediate action. UI might well decide that an employee fired for stealing the cash register six months ago deserves unemployment because clearly the cause of the firing was not the theft if they let the thief remain on staff for six more months.

          6. Linda McGoey*

            There are exceptions. I know first hand. It’s not always up to the Employer if UI feels they were in the wrong.

          10. Barbara Holtzman*

            Oh, no, that’s not true. If you had no choice but to quit, or you were forced to quit, or the terms of you remaining were unreasonable, then you could get benefits. In New York, anyway. Plus, no one at UI would hear that story and say no. And if they did, she could ask for a hearing and no judge, no hearing officer would deny benefits based on that story. Besides which, that story, that experience, and a degree? Wouldn’t be on UI for very long.

          11. Kathy*

            Not true, I got it when I quit 2 jobs over the last 19 years. But she probably would not get it.

          12. Bill*

            You can receive UI benefits even if you leave of your own accord. Most people can eventually receive UI benefits one specific exemption is if you are released for a gross misconduct (the release of due to a felony). There are separations for good cause, a specific example is leaving a job because it made you ill. An example of this is working in a perfume or chemical factory – the chemicals or perfume gave the employee an allergic reaction that caused asthma, and a doctor indicated that in their opinion the employee must leave the job due to health reasons. In this circumstance there is insufficient evidence to indicate the employee had no alternative but to leave, however laudatory her actions, paying an employee because an employer was insensitive, unthinking or basically ignorant would likely lead to a third to half the nation being out on benefits. I speak as a former adjudicator for UI. I wish everyone well. I wish everyone was able to be paid on moral grounds but unfortunately that isn’t the test for receiving said benefits.

            1. Owly*

              Excessive required overtime (if the implication is that if you don’t work the overtime, you will lose your job, which sounds like was the case here) is often reasonable cause to quit a job and still collect employment insurance in a lot of jurisdictions.

          13. Robin Erickson*

            Sometimes they do. I gave my 2 week notice one day after my manager cut my hour from 40 to 20!because he had hired another person full time for the next day. Fortunately, I had been keeping emails between me an some other people about what was happening for months. When EI finally got in touch with the manager, he said he planned to get rid of me. (ouch – 13 months). My documentation was sufficient and I got EI right away.

      3. Anonymous Owl Lover*

        Making a comment just to tell you that I’ll be using ‘sour owl spit’ from now on, and that your typing is absolutely pleasant to read.

        1. Teri Sears*

          “Sour owl spit” has to be THE best thing I’ve heard in years. I’m going to use this. 8-)

        3. Ruffingit*

          Totally agree on both counts – loved the post and the expression of sour owl spit. Awesome! I hope you stick around and post more often.

      4. Kimberley*

        I had a similar incident happen to me when I needed to take off work to defend my dissertation. I’d rarely missed work in 7 yeas and was the right hand “woman.” I was the one always at work last. When I truly thought about it, I had earned a degree my boss hadn’t. Maybe her boss was intimidated and thought she could take his job; esp. if she earned a degree he may not have.

        1. Laura*

          I hadn’t thought of the boss being intimidated, but I can easily see that. No degree seems to be necessary to get the employee position. If the manager had moved up from within the ranks, the manager might not have the degree. This is a threat. The manager could be in the clique as well because of the past position.
          I wonder if the employee had help paying for school through a company sponsored tuition reimbursement program. I know not to burn bridges, however, as the employee I would be tempted to email the HR contact for the program that after all the help the company has given, it was disappointing to not be allowed to attend the graduation.

          1. DrewK*

            “If the manager had moved up from within the ranks, the manager might not have the degree. This is a threat. The manager could be in the clique as well because of the past position.”

            When that’s the case, it’s proof of the Peter principle, through-and-through. Employee’s rise to the level of their incompetence. It might also be proof of the Dunning-Kruger effect, in which people who think they’re the perfect fit for a job are so inexpert in their jobs that they have the least ability to make that call.

        2. Doesn'tmatterdoesit*

          Thank you for your story. In the real world these kind of job-killers happen all the time. Watch out, folks!

          1. Lucybud*

            I agree that “in the real world these kind of job-killers happen all the time.” It doesn”t have to happen all the time. That’s why sites like this are important to get the word out there.

        3. Ruthann Kordell*

          I have a sense that the manager was somewhat younger than the woman who was graduating. His lack of life experience may account (but by no means excuse) for his reaction. His attempt to “reach out and advise her” seems like one last grab at a power trip that even he may not consciously be aware of. This situation is fraught with extremes, so much so, that it seems contrived, but sadly, I know it’s not.

          1. Channel John*

            It sounded to me like he viewed her education as not a real education. Ie, she’s taking night classes (presumably at a local community college) rather than “going to a real college.” Everything in his tone said that he didn’t take her education seriously at all, to the point that he feels the need to “reach out and instruct her.” I may be wrong, but I detected some snobbiness in his attitude that may have lead to not taking her graduation seriously. I mean, he let another employee go to a concert because “there was cost involved” (ie, the tickets), but didn’t even consider the cost of time and money the woman in question spent to go to school and graduate. That contrast in attitude regarding the two situations is VERY telling, imo.

            1. Froggzzz*

              Plus there is actual cost for commencement (gap, gown, etc) two hours, ridiculous they should have given her the day plus just for the accomplishment.

            2. Rebba*

              Please don’t assume community college just because it is at night. I got my bachelors at night and my masters on line. My hubby got both his bachelors and masters at night, colleges and universities at all levels hold classes during the day and at night.

            3. RUKiddingMe*

              Many “real” universities have night classes. This is particular common in grad/doctoral programs where the students have day jobs.

              The manager sounds like an overly entitled douchebag on a power trip. He wants to reach out and advise? Who does he think he is? If I were the worker and he was the manager and he reached out to me I would have no problem whatsoever telling him just exactly where to get off.

      5. Barbara A*

        What’s most upsetting is that this employee was the “go to person for weekends and holidays.” Sounds as if an employee who seemed vulnerable– foster homes, no family of her own– was taken advantage of. An appropriate rotation schedule for weekends and holidays would be fair… Not singling out the most jr, vulnerable employee to be the ONE go to person.

        1. Charles M.*

          Even more upsetting is the very real possibility that because she has no family support she also has no family obligations; the manager may be, knowingly or not (the former would be heinous) using her because she has nothing to stand in the way of working more hours, at least from the manager’s perspective. I’ve seen managers generate or perpetuate toxic work environments. This young lady did exactly the right thing and I’ll wager that in 5 years when her former manager has remained static she will be well on her way up the ladder. Anyone with her personal story who has done what she did on her own (and it saddens me to have to say this but even more because she is a young woman) is someone I want working for me, with me, or to be working for.

        2. Menno T.*

          Of all the things wrong with this manager’s attitude and management style, this detail is the least off me. If by “go to person” he meant someone who was compelled to work on those days, then yes – certainly. But it could mean that she was the one who was always willing to work and glad for the overtime.
          At one of my past jobs, I was my boss’s go to person whenever he needed someone to work extra hours, weekends or holidays. This was because I was the one person who was always delighted to work the extra hours; in my quest to save up money for my future dreams, I wanted all the overtime I could get. Holidays and weekends meant nothing to me, as I had no family obligations and no life to speak of outside of work.
          Regardless, this manager clearly does not know how to treat his valuable employees, and has an entitlement mentality the size of Texas. He very well may have been compelling her to work the extra hours against her preference.

      6. Chu Baka*

        The “my best employee” talk echos from my performance reviews, where I am told I’m “integral to the team”, that my contributions are “invaluable” and that the company is doing everything it can to keep me. Cept, you know, giving a decent raise and promotion that’s been dangled over my head for 5 years, despite me winning award after award.

        BTW, when one of your most esteemed employees only rates an “average” rating, you might as well just say “you’re doing okay”, because verbal honors don’t really mean much when managers don’t back up their claims with real actions.

        As a side note, it’s been explained to me that the only reason I’m not getting promoted is because my manager is holding it up. My manager’s manager is the one that keeps insisting I’m ready for a promotion, but needs my manager to recommend it to make it happen. At this point, I’ve asked them both to stop talking to me about promotions, and for me… I’m just cleaning up my resume. I can take my invaluable and esteemed skills to a place that actually values my work.

        1. Jack*

          Sounds like a job i had, they had a 5 point rating system for reviews. No matter how good you were the highest you could get was a 4, supervisors were told not to give 5s because they wanted people to continue to work harder to try to get thet 5. I learned real quick why try so hard it you will never get a 5 and the raise that comes with it.

            1. Jason Peter*

              A lot of companies use this very dishonest tactic to push associates. I was working for a company that had the system in place but had put a freeze on all raises. However still performed a performance review using the 1-5 scale. Needless to say very few went out of their way for that 5.

            2. Been There*

              I had this exact situation. Both a promotion and a lateral move in a company were squashed because the VP I reported to and supported didn’t want to lose me. During my annual review also with a 1-5 rating system I was told by him that the highest anyone could ever earn was a 4 and that I would be lucky to earn a 4 since I was out part of the year on maternity leave. Despite exceeding every goal I got a 3.5. I gave my 2 weeks notice, then during my exit interview I filed a complaint with HR about having my merit increase reduced because of my maternity leave. I actually had his comments on tape because he encouraged employees to record the review so that we could refer back to his comments to help us improve ( to get that 4!). A few days later I was offered a promotion, I would no longer report to him but I would still work in his department. I still left.

              1. Snuffy Cha-ching*

                I had a similar situation where I tried to leave only to be offered more. I rationalized that leaving was cathartic, however staying looked better on my resume. I stayed for just short of a year but looked for work having the new job title on my resume, thus getting a better job elsewhere.

          2. Matt*

            My situation is a little different. We have a 5 point system, and I am a manager. I was honest on the reviews, but he called me and said I had to change a couple of them because they were to low, and none of the other managers gave that low. So I changed everyones to around an average. If the owners don’t want to know the truth, then I don’t get the point of doing them.

          3. Ruffingit*

            Yeah, that’s the thing about this kind of BS – if you set up a system where it’s near impossible to get the highest rating, it doesn’t cause people to strive to make that rating, it causes them to give up because what’s the point? It’s way too much work for something that will likely not be achieved.

            1. Tim*

              Yes I had the same issue at the consultancy I used to work for…I worked loads of extra hours regularly – in fact my timesheets previously had been used to hire 3 extra people since I was averaging 60+ hour weeks – and also was doing loads of weekend work in the office with video editing and getting the video part of the department started.

              I got a 2 – average in the appraisal, out of 4 I think but no-one ever got a 4, let alone a 3. Of course bonuses etc were linked to all of it. I scaled all of that extra work back, realising that I wasn’t appreciated. They also gave me grief for turning up at 9:30-10am even though I was regularly staying til 7-10pm or later, and could prove it – the bosses had gone at 5pm. So again, I worked to rule – I was tired anyway from getting in early (for me) – ironically they’d have gotten more work out of me leaving me be.

              Thanks Paul! Git.

          4. Hryflex*

            I was reviewed by a former manager as being “a real workhorse” and “always ready to pitch in”, but he rated me as a 2 because I was always having dental appointments when he needed me. He would ask me to work until 7 when I had a dental appointment at 4, and wanted me back by 4:30. BY 4:30. I paid for lots of dental appointments that never happened.

            1. Han Seoul-oh*

              Our good performance raise is 0.5%, and our exceeds expectations raise is 1%
              Compared to my previous company which was 5%, and back then, someone who was failing to meet expectations got 1%.

              We do get a bonus. The bonus is less than 4% after taxes, and was diminished this year because our company -had- to build a stadium

        3. KK*

          Those rating systems drive me batshit. Who wants to be called adequate sharpen you’re trying to shine?

        4. Mike*

          My company makes it even more fun by making 3 ‘meets expectations’, then setting the expectations so high that its an achievement to get a 3.

          their criteria for 4 is ‘so good you make others better’ and 5 is ‘so impactful you permanently improve the performance of your business unit’, which is an absurdly high standard for people who make $11 an hour.

          1. Ruffingit*

            For $11/hour they want you to be so impactful you permanently improve the performance of your business unit? I really wonder sometimes what kind of drugs these people are on.

          2. KH*

            Ugh, my old company was totally exactly like this. We were trained to tell the employees “don’t worry, a 3 is a really good rating!” – but there were no bonus/profit sharing for anyone who got “just” a 3. It was more like, “congratulations, you get to keep your job.”
            2 was the next rank down, and if you didn’t improve that to a 3 or higher by the next review period, you were shown the door.
            We were allowed to give 5s if we had a real superstar, but only once for that person – if we tried to give another 5, we’d have to justify something new and really amazing for that year…

            1. KH*

              I forgot to mention – I’m now working as a contractor and don’t even get performance reviews. I almost don’t miss them, but there’s nobody to tell me in what areas I should improve…plus I don’t get a raise because I never get reviewed.

          3. Molly*

            I worked for a “forced ratings” corporation. The standard was 10% of the employees HAD to be “needs improvement” every rating cycle (6 months). One senior director decided to improve on this by requiring his management team come up with 20% who needed improvement. This meant that his budget for raises and promotions wasn’t used and GUESS who got a bigger raise for that? Yeah..the senior director and his band of merry henchmen.

            My personal theory is, get whatever salary you’re happy with upfront. Likely you’ll never see another raise or promotion, so be okay with the initial offer. Or, my personal preference….contract employee.

        5. Cowgirl Tough*

          Chu Bakka that’s exactly what happened to and what I did. They were blown away. It took three people to replace me, and my immediate manager was immediately demoted and eventually fired. The best revenge is getting a much better job.

        6. Katt*

          I wouldn’t necessarily believe your manager’s manager either (just my opinion).

          It seems inconceivable that his/her supervisor can’t override your manager’s decision.
          They are not promoting you, or giving you a raise, and you are being rated as “average”.
          That says a lot more than any words they utter. I remember a mentor once told me that the way a business shows real appreciation for an employee is through salary. Awards are great and meaningful, but bottom line, it’s money.

          Are you looking for an alternative company that would truly appreciate you? I hope so.

          1. Chu Baka*

            I am. And thank you.

            It’s really sad when we bust our butts to release code, earn the company millions in sales along with an innovative award, and each of us gets a $300 gift card for our troubles. And the year before, when we had to make changes that normally takes 3 months to do in 1 month due to auditors, which I headed up for development, and senior VP of other departments were leaving at critical moments to eat “cake”, and I held the ship together… for those troubles, I got a $200 card and a hearty thank you email. I think I averaged 80 hours a week for that entire month…

            I’m rather exhausted. And I’m not the only one. We’ve literally lost 2/3 of our senior development team, and only recently somewhat recouped the warm body count with a couple of junior developers. Yet, when it comes to raises, we’re told that we better amp up performance or else raises may not be there. I think I used up my gift cards earned through smashed headsets. Yes, it’s unprofessional to break office equipment, but what else do you do when you hear such nonsense on a call.

            Our last town hall was epic. Four separate times, our new VP of dev was asked by different engineers when we’ll do market-level adjustments of our salaries, since we’re really below market level. The VP dodged the question, and the last time, he asked his secretary to give us a response, which was a clear “No, end of discussion”. So I hung up. There was nothing else he could say on that town hall that would matter.

            1. MKW*

              You got a $300 and $300 gift card for all your hard work?
              Geez, all my team ever got was a half-threat of “good thing you got it done by deadline”, after having the deadline push up by 3 weeks, thanks to marketing! Yep, keeping our jobs was our reward!

              1. Chu Baka*

                Oh, we got those too. Trust me.

                I think the gift card are a means of showing face, since each of those projects were extremely public-facing. For the other instances where we bust our butts to get things done under time crunches (“Why can’t you crank out [Language] code like [Other language]” questions come all the time, even though the process for getting code sent out is vastly different) there is no reward. There might be a nicely worded email, one we can cite for consideration for a raise. But no reward. Because the raises are a joke.

        7. Danni*

          This happened to me at two different companies. One, I kept getting promoted but no raise or benefits. Basically since I was their go to person’s they just gave me more responsibility and work with promises of more money.

          Well six months later they call me in and let me know once again I was one of their best employees and I was finally getting a raise! Never telling us how much the raise was. It was 25 cents. And everyone, including the people I managed got a 25 cent raise.

          To put this in perspective I was in charge of: training, FDA paperwork, safety. I managed 10 people and had “director” in my title. Yet the people on my team made mine 50 cents less than me. I had long been an advocate of paying everyone more, or at least having some sort of benefits.

          Needless to say I asked for a meeting. We sat down and I professionally lay out all of my concerns including the cut to safety procedures to save time. My boss was personally offended. He had paid for my training and certifications. He had given me a job and hadn’t fired me when I had the flu and had to stay home. He told me I was ungratefuland I should just he happy I have a job in times like these.

          I gave my two weeks, he fired me on the spot.

          The other I was just trying to move to a different department. Manager’s manager approved but my manager wouldn’t and he had to let me go and recommend me. Instead he kept playing this game with me to keep me scared for my job, like if I wasn’t his go to person I would lose it. As soon as I had enough money saved I had a meeting with HR about how he was treating me. They releaved that he has too high of a turn over rate and did not want to lose me and that explained his behavior and why he wouldn’t let me go. I left right then.

          1. Joe Average*

            I had one of those jobs where I received a basic raise during review time. I felt pretty good b/c they told me how I was their “go to guy” and I knew the business, etc. Then chatting quietly with other employees I realized everyone got that raise – even the coworker who didn’t know their left hand from their right hand.

            I quit soon after. Employer actually had the gaul to call my house and ask questions that they could not answer themselves. I quit answering the phone.

            1. FootballBat*

              “Employer actually had the gaul to call my house and ask questions that they could not answer themselves.”

              I had one of those: I told him to send me an email with his questions. In response I sent a consulting agreement that charged $600/hr with a minimum purchase of 4hrs/week. The calls stopped.

      7. Rich*

        Sir… you are vastly mistaken!…. it is not sour owl spit… it is sour owl sh!t…..

        All of your other points are spot on ;-)

          1. Becky*

            Technically they regurgitate the indigestible parts of their meal – fur, bones, beaks, etc. They definitely do also pass waste in the normal bird fashion.

      9. Ellen Mahan*

        I can not believe that the manager on the one hand valued the employee in question but made no effort to help her find a way to attend her college graduation… He/she could have worked that two hour period that she would be missing…..
        If I owned a business and found out that a manager treated and excellent employee like that, we would be having a very long conversation.
        Props to the woman in question and good luck in the future.

        1. Ruffingit*

          I’d fire the manager immediately and hire the woman back and put her in the manager’s now vacant position.

        2. Xarcady*

          Think of the message it would send to other employees if the manager worked those two hours. How respected the employee was for getting the degree, how the manager would go to any lengths to make sure she could attend her graduation. I’d respect a manager like that.

          A manager who let someone avoid overtime for concert tickets, but tried to prevent a very good employee from attending her graduation? Well, I’d look at those priorities, and lose all respect for the manager.

      10. Carlette*

        Ask your company for immediate manager training. I would hire her in a heartbeat. She will be far beyond you in a year or two.

      11. Lucybud*

        Foster care, homeless, paid for college on her own etc. should have nothing to do with anything. The employee’ worked late/ come in early/ worked overtime for each and every one of her coworkers list has nothing to do with this as well. Assuming she did it on her own accord…
        Are the rules regarding: working overtime when new products are being released in writing? If they are, was she given a copy? If there is nothing in writing, then there should be and every employee should be given a copy for them to sign, having acknowledged everything in writing, as well as a personal copy with their acknowledgement signature. If it’s in writing and you acknowledge everything with your signature then it’s in stone.
        A few important piece of missing information…how much notice do employees need to give employers for time off and how much notice do employers need to give employees when it comes to working overtime when new products are being released? If none of this is in writing, then it should be. If seniority is the basis, then it needs to be in writing and every employee should have a copy that they sign.
        I don’t think anyone’s a bad guy here…I think there needs to be clear written rules that everyone has to follow.

        1. Manabi*

          By the manager’s own admission, he made an exception for someone with concert tickets. So obviously it was within their discretion to allow this, no matter what the rules said. And she was his best employee, meaning he let someone who _wasn’t_ his best employee off to go to a concert. So yes, there’s one bad guy here and it’s the manager.

        2. Michelle*

          Are you SERIOUS? Yes, there’s a bad guy here. And putting shitty policies in writing doesn’t make them less shitty.

        3. John*

          No. No amount of rule making can replace the good sense this manager should have but didn’t.

        4. Barbara Holtzman*

          I disagree that no one’s the bad guy – the manager clearly made exceptions for everyone else and freely admitted doing so, thought this one employee to be the best of the bunch despite being the one with the least seniority (which could mean she’s been there twenty years, if everyone else was there longer), and just as clearly had no problem abusing this one employee with the justification that she couldn’t tell anyone else what to do because they had “seniority.” Forgetting the manager, I wouldn’t want to work with all the other miserable poeple who couldn’t be bothered to swap two freaking hours so this person could go – alone – to her graduation and rush right back with no celebration, especially when she swapped with THEM when they needed the time.

          There are few small shops that put absolutely everything in writing, nor do they have an employee manual to refer to. These things cost time and money. Even if they were, there’s a place for humanity in every workplace, and this one has none. I wouldn’t want to work there either.

        5. Philip*

          Just from an employee point of view. The conversation with my supervisor tends to go like this; You have me on the schedule for this day, did you see that I’d put in a time off request several weeks ago? I will not be available on that day.
          (Don’t tell me I might loose my job, been there, done that and I’m wearing my walking shoes.)

      12. Kevin*

        When I had special requests like this as a Manager I covered for my Employees. I would have never denied such a request. For anything like this so personal (their graduation, their Kids graduation, other special events) I always approved the requests and the Employees repaid the perceived time deficit 10 fold without my even asking. This Manager just doesn’t get it.

      13. Lizz*

        If this employee had put in a request to be off for her graduation and was approved then she could have just reminded her boss of that then show up 2 hours later. However, if the employee did not ask to be off prior to the request to work that day, then quitting that day like she did was very unprofessional. Since she had been employed by this company for 6 years, she should have known not to take for granted she would not be required to work on a day when the office is normally closed.

        1. Jill*

          Quuitting is highly professional. People are allowed to decide for themselves for whom they work and under what circumstances. Clearly in this job it did not pay to be a good employee and someone who takes pride in their work – no day off in six years!! – wants to be in a workplace where their hard work is acknowledged and they are treated properly.

          I think you and Lucybud need to really read why other commenters have disdained the complainant and take it on board. Work is not JUST about rules which in any case were not adhered to for others.

        2. Nicole*

          He says in his letter that they were being required to work on a day when their office is normally closed due to a new product launch. It is entirely possible that she didn’t know she would need to work until a short time before. I worked in a similar situation and suddenly, a launch would be pushed up and BAM, we were expected to work that weekend!

          What I find saddest about this whole thing is this woman’s coworkers. She’s been a stellar employee for six years, and even covered for them on multiple occasions, according to the manager. After she asks for help and is refused, some of them switch with others who are scheduled or even worked overtime for them- and not ONE of these pricks could cover for her for two lousy hours???

          Also, the manager’s comment about intervening because of someone spent money on concert tickets? Ridiculous. Her college cost a hell of a lot more than any concert tickets. If the manager was good at his job and a halfway decent human being, he would have covered for her himself. At any rate, he doesn’t need to worry about her career. With no family guidance and growing up in a series of foster homes, she has held the same job for six years, been a stellar employee, and put herself through college. She’s going to be just fine.

          1. Joe Average*

            Tell me why she couldn’t just come in two hours late and work two hours late. Okay – there is alot of work to be done. Tell me why they can’t shift it two hours?

            A goo dmanager would have either reached in his pocket or passed the hat and bought this college graduate a cake and celebrated her success on the fly. Ten minutes of the team celebrating. Now take your cake back to your cubicles and get back to work. Sorry we can’t celebrate longer, the schedule is tight. Thank you folks for your enthusiasm and congrats to our new college graduate.

        3. Missy*

          If you read this closely, in the very first paragraph, you will see that the manager stated they were working during hours they were normally closed. This means that the employee wouldn’t have needed to ask for time off until she was advised that she would need to work on a day she normally had off, which it sounds like she did. This actually makes the situation worse in my opinion because this person should have had the day off to start with and this manager was not willing to be the least bit flexible in allowing her to recognize her hard won achievement.

        4. Lujotu*

          Are you kidding? Quitting is professional. If you don’t like your job or how you’re treated, you quit. You’re a free agent.

        5. Bea W*

          Read the letter. The employee asked well in advance, was told she could take the time if she was able to find someone to cover for her, and no one would step up. She didn’t wait until the last minute then quit because her boss said no.

        6. Joshua*

          Lizz, per the manager’s letter, the employee put in a request which the manager denied (even though he granted an exception for a person with concert tickets), then the employee asked co-workers to cover her shift, but nobody would do so. Then the employee had time to compile a list of times she had covered for her co-workers. All of this suggests that the employee gave ample time to the manager to address the situation appropriately (which he did NOT do). Therefore, it was not “unprofessional” for the employee to quit as you stated in your post.

        7. Menno T.*

          There is no reason she should have to request a day off that she is already scheduled to be off, *until* that status changes. The only person in this scenario who was unprofessional was her manager, in choosing to rigidly adhere to the rules instead of accommodating her best employee’s completely reasonable request to take just *two hours* off for a once-in-a-lifetime ceremony.
          Refusing to accept that kind of treatment and firing her employer on the spot, is the most professional thing she could have done. I would hire her in a heartbeat.

      14. Eugene*

        Lol “sour owl spit” i know what you really wanted to say… But this manager must be the craziest person in mgmt. The only thing i see againts the employee is that she gave “same day notice” for the graduation which is still not a good reason to be an idiot because i wouldn’t have asked for two hrs, I would have told the mgr two days in advance that i am “taking” the day off to deal with graduation and dared any back chat. But God bless that employee for doing the right thing and not cursing the mgr out. Foster homes, broken families and homelessness was the only reason that Alison Green felt she could take advantage of this woman but Christ is up above and will bless her with another job. Concert tickets… really? I won’t even respond to that garbage, why would Alison even admit to that? Lol. What puzzles me is how a person after six years of hard, consistent work can have the lowest in seniority that is very puzzling and stupid on behalf of the mgr. I think i will be a manager when i grow up… i can be better than…

        1. Eugene*

          In fact i retract my first stament about the employee being wrong for giving same day notice because Missy brought up a good point… She wasn’t even supposed to work that day… that makes thing REAL BAD on behalf of the manager

          1. Eugene*

            Lol im so sorry Alison. Relay the mesage to the mgr for me. Smh. See i should be a manager we all make mistakes ;-)

        3. Donny*

          I think you can add non-college graduate then to the list of reasons why the manager (NOT Alison Green) felt she could take advantage of the employee.

      15. Bret*

        Just like to follow-up on your comment. I would actually recommend to a job seeker in a similar situation to definitely bring it up during an interview. Do it in a factual manner. The goal would be to measure the response of the interviewer(s) as an insight on whether the employer is likely to repeat this type of behavior.

        There are lots of people like John who would value the initiative and action of the woman, there are lots of people who would consider those attributes as negatives or threatening. When a job seeker has a choice, avoid those employers.

        To managers who do this to employees, I will share my experience with you. In my market, we were one of two leaders with a couple dozen smaller players trying to catch up. We focused on improving our work conditions (in what is really a very employee non-friendly industry). Within a few years, we had the pick of the talent pool in our market. Any time we announced an opening, we were flooded with resumes from our competitors. We improved in almost all areas, from employee productivity to work ethic to customer service. Even better, our main competitor, lost a number of their top employees to us and gained none of ours. Among our smaller competitors, their employees seemed to regard us like the UFC of our market. . .we were where they wanted to play.

        My suggestion is that the manager who wrote the OP might want to look into adapting his behavior. A natural human mistake we are all liable to make it to take our stars for granted. Don’t do that. Screw the squeaky wheel sometimes and take care of the wheels that are awesome.

      17. Angel Verges*

        She wasn’t high on the seniority but she was the best employee? You basically denied your golden goose and she chose to lay her eggs elsewhere. The manager is not trying to save her and other employees from doing this, the manager is telling you what NOT TO DO to your best employee of 6 years. Bouncing around foster homes made her realize she deserved better. Letting someone off for tickets to a concert because “there was cost involved?” Did those tickets cost thousands of dollars in tuition, books, travel to and from? The time spent on these? This was the one positive thing in her life that she accomplished and you were going to try to take that away from her after working 6 years, perfect attendance, and labeled best employee? She left because the exchange wasn’t matching up. You dropped the ball on this one

      18. Weiwen*

        Actually, as a manager, if that employee is that good, why wouldn’t you get her out of the fix yourself? She quit because this small incident shows that the environment that she works in is heartless and cruel. No one will help her, not even her own manager. As a manager, sometimes you need to take one for the team. If it was me, I would have told her not to worry, I will personally take over that shift, she should go enjoy herself after her graduation ceremony, have a good meal with her fellow graduates. And she deserved the day.

      19. RUKiddingMe*

        Yep. If I were hiring I would hire the former employee. The manager, well that’s just a title isn’t it? S/he’s not really doing anything like managing. Not well anyway. If I were the employee int he story, I would have quit on the spot too.

    2. Destiny D*

      How in the world can you justify letting someone go early because they paid for a concert ticket, but ignore the tens of thousands of dollars this woman put into her education? Then you want to give her a talking to like she’s a delinquent because she was raised in foster care? Are you insane?

      1. Christopher Tracy*

        Then you want to give her a talking to like she’s a delinquent because she was raised in foster care?

        That was the part of the letter that had me seeing red. As if being raised in foster care meant she doesn’t know how to act when the OP was the one acting a fool. The nerve.

        1. Ryan Basham*

          Agreed. This letter is drenched with classism and implicit bias, otherwise known as judgemental superiority. It’s not good management to bring your own prejudices and preconcieved notions into people management. Employees are resources, but they’re also humans (thus, “Human Resources”). We’re developing people, and people have whole lives. Navel gazing over my own already established norms is a great way to avoid being flexible enough to learn new things and expand my abilities to nurtue the people who report to me.

          1. Vince Medlock*

            I must admit that I long for the days when employees were considered people. Just people. Not a resource to be managed like steel or lumber. I miss our Personnel department.

            1. sstabeler*

              The ironic thing is that the term “Human Resources” was supposed to emphasise that employees are more than just the cost of their salary.

        2. LK*

          Absolutely!! Seemed a clear case of taking advantage of her goodwill as well!! I had a manager like that — (actually I’ve had several) I had more training and experience but never the title so I always worked my way up. A manager was hired in over me, that had previously been a manager for the company, 10 years prior. I had to train him!! Then he would meander in and out of the office as he pleased because his title allowed for it, meanwhile I was doing all of the work!! Eventually, it caught up to him when the regional manager would show up unannounced. I never offered up information but I dang sure didn’t cover it up either!! Often, he wouldn’t return until the end of the day and it was slightly entertaining to see him stammer to come up with details to explain his lengthy absences. One day I ended up having dental pain so bad that on my lunch break I went to the dentist and found I had to have my wisdom teeth extracted!! I had to go back to work after because there was an auditor in the office!! I found out that anything he did not know he explained as my fault!! I was under so much stress that I had not concerned myself with pain meds for my surgery, my face had swollen, and I got laryngitis — but still I showed up to clearly prove my name — continuing to answer phones, greet customers, make sales and collection calls, and run and close loans!!
          Eventually, even he left believing he could file disability and UI which he never received. I however, quit a year later and justifiably did receive UI.
          Some people have this crazy sense of superiority over others. The way I see it — it’s those “little people” that make you and in the same token they can be the ones to take (bring you with them when they rise) or break you!! Not to mention, if you don’t want to be in their position then you’d better show some appreciation so they’ll continue to do for you what you don’t want to do!!
          I’ve learned early — the people willing to do the lowliest jobs are the ones you go out of your way to show your appreciation for!! Case in point, custodians…. I do NOT ever want to clean up after other people and so I always acknowledge them and speak kindly to them. In doing so, I never have to ask for things that others do. I find people go above and beyond the minimum expectations when you go above and beyond in their recognition. We are all alike — no better or worse — we all have to put our pants on one leg at a time.

      3. Not So NewReader*

        This woman confided a lot in you, OP. She thought something of you to tell you her life story. I can’t even get angry, OP. I just want to cry for this woman.

        Former Employee: If you happen to see this and know that it is you the OP is talking about, please see the 1200 plus posts here and know that there are hundreds of us that would happily hire you in a heart beat. If you told me you needed to go to an event-important-to-you, then you would be there.

      4. Laura*

        YES! To be clear, I have no problem making the exception for the concert tickets. However, this is a once in a lifetime event for someone who had many reasons to never reach it. Also, I’d question the coworkers for not being willing to trade with her as well.

        1. Rose*

          I remember my first job as a clerk in a grocery store. I thought I was being a great employee and team player by covering shifts and coming in when there were absentees. However, I learned the favors I did for others were not reciprocated. Somehow all of the answers I received where, “I’m sorry.” I then realized that I no longer wanted to work at anyplace where one had to “cover my shift”, because people will prioritize others before your needs. They probably saw her as someone not worthy of their time. Did the Manager tell everyone about her past? Even though one would think they would not use that against their own co-worker, but my experience tells me otherwise.

        2. Master FOo*

          If *every* co-worker simply didn’t want to switch, I wouldn’t judge them as much as the working environment i.e. systemic factors.

          1. TechnoMistress*

            Except that the OP stated that they were willing to switch with others, just not with her even though she had covered for them in the past.

        3. Red*

          If this employee was the “nice” “accommodating” one, it’s possible the entire office has gotten used to using her and disregarding her needs.
          I’m glad this woman got the gumption to stand up for herself. Sometimes a negative situation like this can be the making of a person. She finally understood her true value in contrast to the way she was being devalued at her old job.

        4. d*

          That’s what got me.. The coworkers who wouldn’t cover her shift. What a bunch of poopholes.

      5. McKenna Duffy*

        This made me so angry, I had to put my choice words elsewhere. I’m so glad that the employee knew she was worth more than this. This is abusive and classist management.

        And let’s not forget, at most colleges, you have to pay for not only your cap/gown, but to just attend graduation. To ignore this huge financial commitment is a travesty.

      6. Radar's Mum*

        Plus college graduation ceremony participation isn’t free. Cap & gown purchase or rent, possibly invitations and a new outfit, and the day can easily equal or exceed the cost of a concert ticket. I think commenters who suggest the young woman was being exploited are onto something here.

      7. Sally M*

        Another thing had me seeing red was the part about other employees covering for each other, but hey, it’s ok, they’re friends outside of work, too. Say what?!? She’ll do well because she can stand up for herself. Clueless boss will eventually shoot himself in the foot.

    3. Jeanne*

      By the way Alison, you’re famous these days. This column is already an article on Jezebel. And the letter about interns asking for the dress code change and getting fired showed up in an article on FB.

        2. customerservice*

          I’ll bet it’s A. how good these are and B. how often Nicole from The Toast loved to put your articles as links in Link Roundup.

          1. Mamunia*

            I admit I found this site through the Toast (r.i.p.). I’m pleased to see it getting broader attention.. I’m not anything near a manager, but the advice here, as well as the comments section, has some really insightful nuggets for navigating the workplace.

            1. Honeybee*

              Aw, they closed down The Toast? I liked that site. I didn’t visit all the time but when I did it was entertaining.

          2. Kay J*

            I know I got here from both Captain Awkward and The Toast recommending the site. Good sources!

          3. Liana*

            I read both AAM and The Toast independently for awhile, and when The Toast (RIP) started linking to AAM I freaked out. It was pretty cool.

        3. Glen Bradley*

          It’s great! You are doing a good thing here. The more people see this the better. The general ignorance surrounding these topics out in the world is stunning. Every drop of light you shed is making it a better place. Thank you!

        5. animaniactoo*

          You probably want to get used to it. You’re now a “found” site that will be checked regularly by those other sites for interesting bits to cover/promote, and it will likely happen more often.

          You may want to look into grabbing an additional moderator or 2 for a few weeks to kill the more egregious posts until the new wave is more cognizant of the commenting rules and prepared to abide by them.

        7. MarcD*

          I’m a manager and think you’re batting about 1,000 in your responses here. The FB post on the interns’ attire brought me here, and you’re now in my regular reading feeds .

          Great stuff, thank you!

      3. Fafaflunkie*

        This is the one instance where Google really is my friend. If it weren’t for Google Now putting a post from AaM into one of my cards a year and change ago, I would have never discovered this site, and all the wonderful advise both Alison and the community give. Especially in this case.

        Now I come here every day, and spend far more time than I should (especially at work…don’t tell the boss :D).

      4. Thomas*

        Here from Reddit! Posted in r/rage. I’ve had some bad bosses over the years but this story takes the cake.

      6. Jill*

        I’ve been reading your blog for awhile Alison, but a post of yours – the interns with the petition -even showed up on the Tim Blair blog at the Australian Daily Telegraph. There’s glory for you! ;)

    4. Jayeff*

      The place I work, the manager herself would have come in to cover the employee’s shift.

      1. Ana*

        Hell, I would have worked the whole shift for her. This employee deserves the whole day off for her hard work.

      2. Mamunia*

        Right? The manager says the coworkers are the only family this woman has, and yet treats her appallingly. If she were as supportive as she claims, she’d be watching the graduation from the stands.

            1. Jill*

              I want to like a lot of comments!! Consider the goodies Liked!
              (This is getting addictive!)

        3. AIP*

          I would be inclined to agree. She was the lowest rung on the ladder, despite working there as a stellar employee for years, and for all the regard that the boss had for his/her dogsbody, he and his colleagues showed her just how much they thought of her loyalty. This sounds very much like it has been building for a long time and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back (a non-timesheet list of non-standard hours that was ready in no-time?): the managers really needs to reevaluate how he treats good employees, because her replacement may not be so desperate to put up with it.

      3. LibrarianHeather*

        I would have worked her shift too and asked her to make up the work when she could. It’s graduation. Hell I let my team make up work when they took off too. That is a once in a lifetime event and such an investment. I regret not going to my masters graduation all the time so I’d not let an employee miss their bachelors.

        1. Lucybud*

          I would have worked her shift as a “graduation gift” as well as a “thank you for your hard work over the years” with pay. It may not see like much, but that would me the world to me.

      5. CEO Cat*

        This would have been the only proper response. The co-workers should have covered for her too. A favor earned for this lady. Roll up your sleeves and do it yourself would be my advice. I’ve had to do it many times.

    5. Gk*

      Ok, even if he follows your advice and offers her the job back, my advice to her would be KEEP WALKING. Even she takes a job for less pay, it’s not worth going back.

      1. Kimberly*

        I understand your point and I would like to add another…he owes her a letter of recommendation. If he isn’t manager enough to offer her her job back, he owes her a glowing LOR.

        1. Sheera*

          This is the best letter of recommendation he could give her. All he needs to do is forward the link & say, I wrote this, this is her.

    6. Jayeff*

      Something isn’t making sense. I don’t believe Alison is telling the entire truth. The now ex-employee was lowest in seniority but has been there for six years?

      And I don’t believe for a minute that you “want to help her so she doesn’t make the same mistake again.” I believe you are angry and insulted that she did this to you. I believe you are taking this as a personal sleight. The arrogance and hubris in your letter: “(B)esides us she doesn’t have anyone in her life that has ever had professional employment”, is simply appalling. You make it sound like you feel she OWES you.

      She doesn’t.

      From the description of your management style, you are anything BUT a place of professional employment. I feel confident that she will land on her feet. And since it appears this letter and situation is Jezebel and RawStory, businesses will be fighting to have her in their employ. ANY negative mark against her for quitting on the spot will be FAR outweighed by the drive, determination, and integrity it took for her to earn that degree.

      And if YOU have any bosses, you may soon find yourself out of work.

      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        Dude, I’m not the letter-writer. I’m the person answering the letter who runs the site and gives advice here.

        (Weirdly, this happened with a post last week — where a couple of sites attributed a letter as being from me.)

        2. Michael*

          I found it perfectly clear who was saying what myself, but if this has been an issue more than once I would consider finding a way to make the distinction even more… unmistakable. Perhaps put the whole letter in a quote block?

          Anyway, great article as always! thanks!

        3. Chris*

          This is a common thing on advice site comment sections, where commenters think that the comments section is for them to give their advice as if the letter writer wrote to them. Dear Abby’s comments are always a cringeworthy dumpster fire of out of touch regulars alternately flirting with or bullying each other while offering their judgmental “advice” to everyone who writes in.

        4. AlexT*

          I think it is because of the fonts you chose. They’re easy to confuse. The letter and your response have got very similar fonts, and there isn’t a clear distinction as to where one starts and the other ends. I’d advise you to make it clearer. It took me a few seconds to process that, and I can understand how some people might not be able to make the distinction.

          1. AlexT*

            Perhaps separating the texts a little more, using bold or different colours might make it a lot easier to distinguish.

            1. Anonymousse*

              I think the fact that the letters are always in italics and Allison’s replies are not makes it perfectly clear.

              2. fluffy*

                I didn’t personally have a problem with it, but I know exactly why a lot of people would – not all browsers display italics, and they aren’t always obvious in every font, and they’re certainly not obvious to someone using a screen reader or other visual impairment assistance.

                I would recommend to Allison that she start using a blockquote for the letters to make them visually distinct in a way that is also universal across browsers. By default, blockquote will just indent the text a bit, but then the stylesheet can also add in things like italics and a “quote” marker on the left and so on.

                It’ll do a world of good for people with visual or cognitive impairments that make it difficult for them to distinguish italics from non-italics!

                1. Buddy Brannan*

                  Oh wow. Thanks for mentioning people with disabilities. We always get forgotten about for some reason (diversity training springs to mind, but certainly that isn’t the only thing…) I, for one, found it very clear that the letter writer wasn’t Allison, since the article was by Allison (says so right under the title), and she says “A reader asks”. Still, as much clarity as possible is never a bad idea.

          2. Susi*

            This is not about Alison needing to do things differently (this is my first time to this site and it was immediately obvious what the deal was). This is a clear case of blatant user error (mingled with some hardcore inattention).

            1. AF*

              Exactly – she writes “A reader writes…” at the beginning of every single post, and the text of letters are italicized.

        5. Glen Bradley*

          I didn’t get that impression, of course, but looking back I can see how someone would. Simplicity is an excellent goal, but some visual break distinguishing your reply might help pacify a large swath of newly minted readers who don’t look so deep as your customary audience.

          Your reply of course is excellent, the reader at the top of the thread probably just caught a name from somewhere and was venting in blind rage. You have found a couple of stories recently that inspire a blind rage. Keep that up and you will go completely viral. The good news is you are about to get a 300-fold increase in submitted stories to pick from, so it will be easier to pick great examples. The bad news is you are about to get a 300-fold increase in submitted stories to pick from, and maybe some people who actually need answers can get overlooked. :-/

          I can see you already refer people to previously written stories that address their topic, which is more than one can hope if your cyber empire explodes by 500%+. On the other hand if you monetize the growth tastefully, those proceeds would allow you to hire a person or two staff to ferret out the people who really need help as well as finding the questions that will continue to expand your reach.

          Sorry, I don’t mean to go crazy. I just like what you are doing here and am glad to see your star rising.

        6. AF*

          That would be funny if people thought you personally ran into all of these situations at your own place of employment! Like “wow, this person has REALLY bad luck with jobs!”

      2. snuck*

        I don’t understand / appreciate seniority rules the same way many American’s seem to… I’ve never encouraged that sort of thinking… (And been fortunate to work in environments where it’s not too great an issue)

        That said. Surely somewhere after SIX YEARS of being your most awesome go to best staff member seniority should be thrown out the window and performance rewarded?

        And I’d say a graduation ceremony trumps a concert. A grad ceremony is the culmination of thousands of hours of work and is a one off. The rock concert will come around again… and if you really want to say they paid for the tickets think how much this employee paid for her degree!

        I don’t think you’ll get this employee back, and I suspect you’ll lose others over your treatment of her. They will now be looking at this and seeing what has happened and making assumptions about how you will treat themselves for other requests. Serious damage control needed – effective immediately I’d abolish the seniority rule – if your newest hire is six years on (and it’s a tech support line by the sounds of it) then it’s time to go to a more fair system, one that balances who is on when. If there was a culture of swapping shifts that is between friends but not doing it for anyone else and htis was causing resentment I would consider actually having this back under your direct input/control instead of throwing it out to the crowd – that doesn’t sound like it’s working well. And … I’d put graduations, medical appointments and major family events higher up the priority list than rock concerts… especially if they are organised outside of normal work hours and YOU swap up the work hours, or they are forewarned.

        1. Charles R Batchelor*

          And you pay for Graduation whether you go or not, your Cap and Gown cost you money too.

          1. Renee*

            Not to mention that her education cost her a helluva lot more than those concert tickets. Even with scholarships and grants, the small things add up quickly for anyone in higher education.

          2. Lucille*

            You do not pay for graduation if you do not go actually. I never went to any of my four and did not pay.

            2. Ubercorn*

              She would of already paid already as the ceremony was held on her day off, when the business was usually closed.
              I know mine was scheduled 6months after completion, you could attend or not but you had to state your intention to go and pay upfront.
              Being somewhat of a big achievement due to her rocky start to the world, her choosing to do all the pomp and bells n whistles of an actual ceremony would be clearly obvious.

        2. Big Yellow Taxi*

          “I suspect you’ll lose others over your treatment of her.”

          I doubt it. I get the impression that the culture there is pretty cliquish — and the departed employee wasn’t part of the “in” crowd if the co-workers blew off her attempts to attend her own college graduation.

          And the manager seems oblivious to the fact that she’s managing a middle school.

          1. snuck*

            Quite possibly. And what happens is anyone decent left who isn’t part of the club will make exit plans, and the club people have had their ‘seniority’ reinforced.

            So not only is it middle school. It’s now been rewarded as middle school behaviour.

            But seeing the OP’s letter are we really surprised that there is interpersonal and professional behaviour issues in this workplace?!

            1. AmyR*

              I agree that the seniority club will take command and eventually the manager won’t be able to keep anyone who recognizes the seniority club clique and despises it as they should. Once you let a clique start running your organization, their childishness quickly turns off other employees and they leave, so that only friends that the clique finds non-threatening (weak and unskilled) will be allowed to remain as employees. It’s a nightmare from a management standpoint.

          2. Nickolah*

            She sounds like she was in the role that I often am put in, always the person left to clean up after everyone else or do whatever they don’t feel like doing. Unfortunately, people that always bend over backwards tend to be unappreciated when they actually speak up or need something. Maybe that is just my luck that I end up in these type of companies where if you complain enough, you’re the one that gets your way.

            My fiance goes through the same thing as his job. He’s known as the reliable manager that doesn’t slack like the other managers do. Guess who got July 4th off? The manager that has almost been fired several times, never goes above and beyond, and spends her shift mostly on her phone while the business suffers. But, because the GM doesn’t want to hear her attitude, guess who is chosen to work the holidays they are open, to run tasks, or cover other stores that tend to be far away :-/

        3. fluffy*

          Some places take seniority to a ridiculous extreme. I once worked at a software engineering job where I was ‘junior’ to someone else who started about a week before me, despite having an advanced degree in the field and actual work experience while this ‘senior’ employee only had an associate’s degree and was fresh out of community college. But because he was senior to me he ended up having WAY more sway when it came to major design decisions.

        4. trisha*

          She originally said, the concert involved a price paid…..well, from my point of view college costs thousands of dollars, costs sacrifice, hardwork and determination. All on top of being the best employee you had. That is higher ranked than a concert. It is so sad that many jobs think that it is just okay for us to.miss milestone moments like graduations, tea with mom, donoughts with dad kids are young once and you or they grad once. I would have done same thing. Good for her

      3. Irene.*

        I would be so proud to have an employee like that and work it out for her. There is no need to contact her about professionalism when you don’t have much. Cost shouldn’t have been a factor with the concert employee. A college graduation is a momentous achievement and especially for her situation it was much more. Im glad she quit. She will have better opportunities. I hope your other employees can step up as much as she did but if they haven’t already they never will. There are lessons here and I hope you have learned them.

        1. Chuck*

          Has anyone heard who the employee is.. And what are we doing to help her other than venting our frustrations. Surely by now someone has to know who the employee was.. Incase unemployment office doesn’t pay her separation benefits let’s create a gofund me page.. Put some dollars in this girls pocket while she gets back on her feet. Hell, I think we could get her back on her feet and pay off some of the loans I am sure she took out while working herself thru college. Where and how do we start?

      4. Tina*

        At the top it says, “A reader writes…”

        Dude, it’s pretty clear OP is not the author.

      6. Blaine Cash*

        and thanks to this letter, she now has PROOF of why she quit, to give to perspective employers.

        1. GDouglas*

          Agree — this reads as a very glowing LOR.
          Many employees quit over far less than this. Graduation is the same thing as a Wedding and a Funeral, and most other employers (other than thos one) understands this.

      7. LK*

        I concluded the exact same thing. Especially, after having a very similar experience of bosses putting their errors off on me. I believe they felt they could get away with it — thinking I was younger and not as well educated however they were gravely mistaken. “Do not underestimate my kindness for weakness!!”

    7. Sonda*

      My question for the manager is, Did you never consider working the two jours this employee needed to attend her graduation? Part of being a manager or in a position of leadership is leading not ruling. You lost a great employee, your best employee by not being a leader which sometimes means being a doer.

    8. Mustache Cat*

      Thank you for posting this reminder! The sheer volume of unkind language was making me uncomfortable

    9. Dana*

      Wow I’m in shock. What kind of management handles things this way? I was a manager and I would have covered for this employee myself. Really concert tickets? Why would think there is no cost in a graduation? Plus the rule is if you do it for one but not someone else it can be favoritism. A big no no.

    10. 42*

      Out of respect to you Alison, I’m trying really hard to find a kind place to speak from but I just can’t. The employee in question hit my heart in in a tender way and this OP is like a punch straight to the gut and I’m aching. This is Worst Boss of the Year roundup material.

    11. ArtsNerd*

      I love this rule and your enforcement of it. I absolutely think it’s fair to remove them. For posts like this one, though, where the OP really does get a serious reality check, a reminder at the top of the comments like you have here will call attention to this policy for the hundreds of new readers I’m sure all of us are sending to you every day. They might not check out the site rules otherwise.

      (Side note: I only recommended AAM once today! Feels weird.)

    12. Cassidy Melczak*

      Is OP not aware that graduation ceremonies involve a cost (not to mention all the tuition involved.)

      Clearly there are no double standards involved here.

    13. Tony Young*

      Whoever wrote this letter to you needs to read this comments section, read your article, and look deep, deep inside themselves, and remember that a job is a job, and a life is a life. 2 hours of overtime for them (the manager) to answer for was worth far, far less than a hard working woman missing her hard earned graduation. Let this be a lesson to everyone: never become a drone like this person did, to the point that they missed the significance of what was happening for that fine young woman that day.

    14. Robin Miller*

      The main lesson I hope the former “best employee” learns is to check future bosses carefully before going to work for them.

    15. Christopher Solano*

      I think its funny how this person made changes for a person with concert tickets because of money involved… im pretty sure spending 15k+ for your degree overrides 40 dollar concert tickets

    16. XOXO*

      This article was making rounds on my twitter feed the other day, where I’ve not seen your site often discussed prior. I think that may mean that there are a lot of first time readers commenting on this post and the intern post from a few days prior.

    17. LK*

      I think the reply written to this letter is the most excellent response that could be given. Kudos to both the employee and the responder!! I have worked since I was 13 (I worked before this as my dad was his own mechanic and building contractor — I helped lay bricks, build wall frames, put down flooring and shingles on a 2 story building, dug footers, ran chalk lines, shingled and insulated our house before I went into 4th grade!!) for an unrelated business. I volunteered and worked multiple jobs through high school — with as many as 4 jobs in my senior year and still graduated with Honors. I paid for my own car and belongings since I had money. I also put a down payment on my own home and paid for the larger portion of my own wedding. I missed out on a lot because I thought it better to be professional than living life. Boy, was I wrong!! I was always the youngest and most responsible employee; asked to cover and train others for them to be given positions OVER my pay grade and then take exception that people came to me for direction instead of them…. It got me no where!! I, being lowest paid and youngest employee was often given the overtime pay because it was cheaper to pay me overtime than it was to pay my superiors regular time. I worked for several banks and financial institutions that always have me highly effective evaluations and acknowledged my responsible nature and dependability. I filled in for every position in my last bank, including the CEO, when they were out and needed things done. Yet, I was overlooked in every aspect — no bonuses, no awards, no vacation requests granted. As I inquired up the ladder as to recognition for myself and every other person in my position — I was put aside because people were intimidated by the higher-ups. Eventually, I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with the VP and laid it out — when you have a service to offer and you want that service offered with gratitude you need to make sure you’re expressing that same gratitude to those that are the “faces” and “forefront” of your business. Shareholders came in for meetings and were catered to at great expense. We didn’t even receive a box of donuts to share. When chamber meetings or holiday events were held — we were expected to be there but we’re not accommodated or recognized in any form. Then we asked about a Christmas bonus — not anything of great value — just something to recognize that we existed — the VP giggled and emptied out his pockets and had enough to drop $.03 in each stocking!! Talk about disrespect!! So, after our “chat” the very next day we had a meeting and breakfast of fruits, donuts, & juice was provided. At Christmas they began a $50 bonus which eventually evolved into a % based on performance and tenure as well as a host of various other privileges. After that, I became the VPs untitled assistant — not because I had gone through business school not because I had achieved the accolades of professionalism as he had — but because I knew the difference of right and wrong and helped him to remember the little things that don’t occur to the big-wigs… He told me that himself. Eventually, we all moved on and I found myself in a very similar situation where I went from doing a job WITH 4 – 6 other employees to being the sole employee doing the jobs OF 5-7 employees. I was very loyal and very respectful of others and did everything I could to keep their franchise afloat. Our policies allowed for 1 week vacation per year. I worked there for 4 years — the last year alone. Steps were not made to procure employees so they would rotate employees from surrounding offices — 2 at a time. They did this as a requirement for management training — which I could not receive because they could not afford to send me to another office without base employees. I had paid a year in advance for a specialty cruise (meaning 3x the normal expense) and had put in for the week off when I paid for the cruise AND we were functionally staffed. However, Spring Break for our county came 3 weeks prior and when school was out daycare also closed. I had no other means for my 6yo child and I was told they could not allow any time off!! When I brought up the legalities involved — I was then told I would have to choose. I, too, turned my resignation on the spot. I outlined my time table for the appropriate 2 weeks notice and an additional week if they’d like me to help train anyone. At my leaving they still had not hired anyone. I left, filed for unemployment, and received it. I took my child to D.C. for a week then West Palm Beach and Ft Myers. Three weeks later I cruised to Mexico with more than 10 star bands, including Train and The Script, for a week!! Then I volunteered in my daughter’s classroom until summer college began and started my Bachelor’s program. I have lived just grand regardless of the manner in which I left.
      So, to answer the question of how to get managers to sympathize — in most cases you can’t because they have never been in “our” shoes so the most you can hope for is empathy — until a few more folks do exactly as “we” have done and provided them the experience to realize if they want to retain valuable employees they must first show that they value their employees!! As the old adage states, “You get what you give.”

    18. SJL*

      I have a friend who works as a Forensic Psychologist once told me that we teach people how to treat us. Somewhere along the line, her boss and co-worker’s thought it was okay to take advantage of her willingness to be team player. It doesn’t appear that anytime in the past she ever said “no” to a request. Regardless, this boss is clueless and should not be a manager. Because of his ineptness, he lost his “best employee so far”. So sad

      1. Serafina*

        I beg to differ – that attitude is essentially victim blaming. There are sadly far too many people in this world who have a “default” way of treating people: namely, as badly as they can get away with. The more power they have over a person, the worse they will treat that person. It happens in all kinds of workplaces and all kinds of industries, from retail to call centers to highly specialized white collar to academia. In this job market, which is so very much an “employer’s market,” that kind of behavior is only exacerbated. It’s not the employees’ fault – goodwill and team player behavior should be rewarded, not taken advantage of or taken for granted. The LW in this case has no one to blame but herself, and the employee is blameless.

      2. RinCleveland*

        I was just about to reply with that same addage. It is true. It’s almost as if no good deed goes unpunished as has been said. Just because you are a professional doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. Managers and supervisors are people just like subordinates are. As professional as you are in your work ethic, be that professional in voicing your concerns and needs. If they still won’t acknowledge your value then take your value somewhere that will.

    19. Mary Stahl*

      I would have done the same thing! She was looking for a job when she came there…she will be able to find another one.

    20. RinCleveland*

      I agree with what has been said but I also feel like we are missing a teachable moment with the manager. Ms. Green is correct in her advice, but I also feel that, based on the letter the manager wrote, that he is hard pressed to see why his decision was the wrong one to make unless spelled out for him.

      Bottom line, if you have an excellent employee, even though the person is the lowest in seniority, her dedication and dependability should count for something. Even though to miss the ceremony would not have cost her monetarily (as it would have the employee who paid for the concert tickets), missing it would have cost her emotionally. It’s like telling a pro-athelete who has won the ultimate championship that they can’t attend the parade honoring that accomplishment because the GM feels that practice is more important. She wasn’t even asking for the entire day, just two hours! The message you sent was that she is not valued as a person, just as an employee who produces. Not good at all.

      Should you offer her the job back, I’d be surprised if she would take it without some type of incentive but at least apologize to her so that she knows someone really does care about her as a person.

      Good luck!

    21. Kms1025*

      For his/her own good and the good of future employees, a course in management, how to supervise, inter-personal skills for the workplace, SOMETHING, seems to be in order. To be so out of touch is really incomprehensible, but there it is. This manager might be a very nice person who has never looked outside the fishbowl of their own workplace. It’s time to take a “look-see” at how well-managed places operate.

    22. Jojo*

      I’m amazed by this manager. To make an accept ion for something like concert tickets and not for something like an educational achievement is astounding. Please remind this manager that education costs money too, and a lot more time as well and should definitely be supported. What a shame that they were so short sighted.

    23. Pam Mosgrove*

      I am unclear how the manager would arbitrarily assume the employee had no costs attributed to graduation from college. There are tuition books supplies countless hours of study traveling to and from school. Cap gown ceremony invitation for guest attending ceremony. These costs surpass the cost of a concert. Graduation from college is something one should have the upmost respect. If no one would step up as a manager would have offered an incentive to fill in so that your employee would be afforded their hard earned right of passage.

    24. John S. Harvey*

      Very simple solution, the manager’s boss should issue an ultimatum, the manager is to apologize to the ex-employee, and if possible get the employee back, then the ultimate boss should transfer the manager elsewhere (as well as enroll them in a remedial management theory course).

    25. Paula Schultz*

      I use to manage a restaurant and you know it was all teenager. They went too different schools so thier graduations were different times , but I let them off , because this is a moment in thier lives that can’t be redone. I would rather work short and do thier jobs than make them miss something this important.

    26. Stephanie*

      I am in complete disbelief that this manager helped someone out that had concert tickets due to cost, but does not recognize the cost of getting a degree. The investment of not only money, but time. I am a nurse manager and we always are short, but would have found a way to accommodate an important life event like this.

    27. Wayne Durham*

      I had a simple solution…but, for some reason, managers are not open to that solution.
      I am a Registered Nurse and have been both in management and a member of the workforce. I have had employees who, like the person in this story, was a great employee and often went over and beyond when asked.
      When those employees needed to be off , even for half of a shift for something important, I was always willing to go work that time necessary. It always gave me the chance to see “how things really work”. After 40 years, I still do that for my staff….and guess what, they appreciate the gesture and I have never found one to abuse the favor. For some reason, most managers think they are too good to do that.

    28. Jon T.*

      I can understand the outrage. I think this manager needs to see some of it, just not… cursing and complete toxicity.

    29. Jeffrey Deneau*

      supervisor should have covered the 2 hrs for her. conversely, if employee would have called in sick for the 1st time in 6 years that day, I doubt she would have been disciplined.

    30. Pam*

      If it was my day off, and she was my employee, I would have worked for my employee so she could enjoy her graduation. I can not believe the manager did not think of a way for her employee to do so. I worked for a company that had a vacation scheduling team to manage time off for a large multi-state group of employees. They refused a woman to take vacation days off for her wedding day!

      So the staff and her manager banded together to work for her so she could have her wedding day and honeymoon. That is what a good manager does…

    31. Paul Turcott*

      I’m really glad that the employee finally realized her value in light of how this manager deliberately and knowingly refused to recognize it, and according to the contents of the letter, just kept her from advancing so she can be a convenience for other employees. She wasn’t this manager’s best employee, but their best excuse. This is the corporate model of 30 years ago which doesn’t work anymore – where managers that have been peter principled into their positions, just throw people at problems as they arise. I agree with one of the posters that if this employee was that impressive, they would have covered her shift themselves. This manager will undoubtedly not last much longer.

    32. LTG*

      Correct me if I am wrong but does UK employment law allow for the following:
      The manager wanted staff to be available outside their contracted hour, i.e. at a time when the office is normally shut. Am I right in thinking that there is no obligation on the part of the staff to come in on a favour to the manager and they could all tell the manager to f-off?

      Secondly am I also right in thinking that if the manager makes unfair demands, the employee could resign on the spot and claim unfair dismissal?

      On a moral level. The manager had staff to cover the shift, the employee has gone out of their way, above and beyond the call, and has an exemplary record. It was her graduation, something she had worked hard for, where is the common sense. The problem today is that people are too “computer says no”.

      Look at this now the manager has brought the company in to disrepute and possibly damaged the reputation of the business. Now in my book that could be a more serious offence than trying to dictate draconian rules.

      1. Allison*

        In France that would be true as well, but in the US there are very few employee protections. Most states are ‘at-will’, and as long as the employer isn’t firing you for being in a protected class, they can fire you because they don’t like the color of your shirt that day.

    33. Chrissy*

      “(Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.)” Second paragraph.

      What I love is how he thinks it’s fine to justify skipping a college graduation ceremony vs a concert because there was a cost involved. Does he think graduating DOESN’T require a COST? How about both money and time?! Good for her for graduating college and leaving to find a place that will take proper life balance into consideration.

    34. Crystal Thomas*

      Sadly this situation occurs more often than we know. The only feedback I have for this manager is come out of you office-pick up a headset- and take a couple hours of calls. This action would have spoke VOLUMES to not only this employee but you whole team. Unfortunately a lack of common sense and compassion seem to be requirements for filling leadership roles for many organizations. I hope this feedback is reviewed by the offending manager and their leadership team.

    35. Ashley Sampeck*

      Can I just say, that there is absolutely cost involved in attending a college graduation? The cap and gown are expensive, not to mention the tuition, books, hours studying, etc that go along with attending college. Shame on this woman for prioritizing other crappy employees and their concert tickets (because there’s cost involved??) over this woman’s college graduation, and shame on her employees for not stepping up to help out a fellow co-worker that had helped them in the past. She was absolutely right to quit on the spot.

    36. Valda*

      Knowing all about this woman and her strength to overcome homelessness and being without family, her job was her family and on that day the manager should have closed the office and everyone go to celebrate their coworker’s graduation.

    37. Tyanna*

      I just want to point out something that’s bugging me about this. This employee worked there for 6 years, and she had the lowest seniority? That seems highly unlikely to me. If she was hired for a junior position, she is most definitely not a junior any more. Not after 6 years! So, why wasn’t another junior level position filled? Even the most stable of jobs have some turn over in 6 years.

      If it’s a low entry, minimum wage type job, then why hasn’t there been anyone junior hired in 6 years? Or, have people been hired, but they have all quit recently? Maybe this manager is reasonable for more than one person quitting.

      I just can’t wrap my head around how your best employee who has been with the company for 6 years has the least seniority.

      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        Seniority doesn’t always mean length of service. It often means rank in a hierarchy based on your job. (That’s normally how I use it personally.)

    39. Jesse McCormick*

      Wow. I can’t believe this manager. To think a concert was more important because costs were involved. What about the $30,000-$80,000 this woman paid for tuition and books for college? I’m sure the costs of the concert tickets pale in comparison.

      I agree that quitting on the spot is unprofessional. But in this case it was necessary. I would like to reach out to this woman and give her a high 5!

      1. Bill*

        Completely agree with the cost argument you make. But I don’t agree that quitting was “unprofessional”. The employer, in one action, destroyed the mutual trust this employee had obviously greatly contributed to and created great inequity in the employee and employer relationship. The employer forfeited their right to maintain the relationship agreement immediately upon saying no to this employee.

    40. eekamouse*

      Sounds to me like the manager is inconsistent and plays favorites. If a manager admits to making an exception for concert tickets because a cost was involved, then why not make an exception for a graduation? College classes aren’t free, easy, and non time consuming! The employee who never missed work was able to work and earn a degree. Shame on that manager! What’s two hours? The employee was willing to come in after the ceremony. The employee should have been given the day off, or at the very least, the two hours. What kind of manager is that? And to write a letter admitting how terrible the employee was treated?? I would be embarrassed if I was the manager. Kudos to the employee, and congratulations!!

    41. Amanda*

      Wow, I’m a tad blown away by the attitude and opinion of the manager; what’s good for one is good for others and helping someone be off for a concert and not their graduation shows some skewed priorities.
      I would advise this person that not only should they reach out to that employee and apologize, but also to look around at other employees still around and see if this has changed their opinions of you as their manager.
      Had I been an employee here and this was my coworker who quit under the circumstances I would start looking for another job. Showing no interest in supporting employees as they better themselves means you generally do. Not care about their over all welfare or for them as a total person vs a faceless worker and generally this leads to morale and productivity breakdown. You may have already found yourself in a pickle with your staff afternoon his event. Recommend some soul searching and to consider that people work harder, more reliably, and with better results when they feel that they matter as more than just a number to their immediate supervisor. Good luck, but this was a terrible judgment call quite frankly.

    43. Funny about Money*

      Okay, I’m going to try to be good, and so I will not say “what an insensitive wretch Manager is.” Your response is SO much more temperate, polite, and humane than anything I could manage…which is probably why you’re the management consultant.

      Seems to me Manager had two choices:

      a) Come in for a couple of hours on Saturday and do the darned job himself(!). How hard could this be?
      or
      b) Order another employee to cover for Wonder-Employee.

      The third choice, to deny Wonder-Employee her tiny moment in the sun and rank the importance of her graduation (accomplished while holding down a full-time job, f’rhevvinsake) over some concert ticket is truly repellent. Manager got what s/he deserved. I hope Wonder-Employee will turn down any and all blandishments and find a better job with a decent human being sitting in the boss’s chair.

    44. Robert Hotel manager*

      According to his words, he has an employee who is working for him for 6 years, who has excellent attendance at work, who “is the best employee” and as a Manager he could not organize any replacement for this two hours? He basically left her on her own. If no co-employee agreed to come to replace her, then HE supposed to be doing it!
      I work for 10 years on the manager position and swear of God I would come for whole day if necessary to let her attend her graduation. I was replacing my colleges many times. I work in the hospitality and even I work as a manager I was replacing my porters at work, handling ordinary tasks like cleaning. I think that there is a second bottom of this story: he wants his orders to be executed with no resistance (I am a manager here and you have to obey my orders).
      I have to confess, I’ve quit the job some time ago in similar circumstances: I was working at two places. 2 days for one of the hotels, three in another hotel. I have manage my work schedules wisely, but for 1 year there was no problem whatsoever. Then I have some argue with my supervisor about parking spaces. He took it personally and when I was trying to swap my shift with other colleges to match other work schedule, he did not agree for it even I had a replacement. I quit the job on the spot. There was no effect on my carrier whatsoever. I was honest on the job interviews about this what happened and I got the job as a manager again.

    45. Jack DSonice*

      Maybe it is not his fault. Maybe he never had anyone teach him what it means to be a good manager and take care of your people. When I became a manager I knew that my boss was watching over me. I remember I once spoke rudely to one of my reports and my boss saw it. A few minutes when I was in her office she explained to me what I did was wrong and how I should have handled it.

      Having a good mentor is critical to being a successful manager.

      Having said all that I have to say that not allowing this lady to attend her graduation was a new low.

    46. Stephan*

      I am proud of the employee for quitting on the spot. Very sad state when people are this robotic and void of basic human sensibilities.

    47. Amanda*

      I think the person writing this letter, needs to hear these words of wisdom. I also think these thought and feelings are coming from a kind place that has been shook by this lady.. She can’t be serious???

    48. Jo-Anne Paradis*

      Seems to me even after the woman left he still wanted control. Wants to “help her career by ensuring she doesn’t make the same kind of mistake somewhere else”. That is phooey. He thought for that whole list of reasons he gave himself. (no family etc…) He thought he could control her and use her and she would put up with it. His best employee by far.
      He should have given her the time off and paid for her cab. Possibly flowers. It was a very special occasion for her. Now he’s lost her. Now he cannot stand that she left. He still wants the last word. This kind of Manager is dangerous and possibly quite toxic to an organisation.

    2. Emmie*

      My heart does as well. She put in tremendous work over the years at this company – covering extra shifts for years, never takes a sick day, and probably put in very late nights studying to cover these extra shifts. Her coworkers refuse to cover these shifts, and even refuse to cover her graduation. She approaches her manager about this issue – who refuses to cover a monumental life event for a stellar employee – and she now has no job with no family to help her out. OP: It takes a lot for an employee like this to quit – especially with no family support to speak of. It’s time to rethink your policies, and how you handled this situation. Do not call – unless you offer her job back and potentially offer her some paid time off for her work she missed as a result of the unfair policies.

        1. Christopher Tracy*

          Right! Two hours would have killed these people?! I wouldn’t want this shitty job back; they could keep their apologies too.

      2. Stranger than fiction*

        Yes, the coworkers need talking to too. They help each other out because they’re friends outside of work but wouldn’t help her out? Thats horrible and sounds like they have a “what’s in it for me” attitude.

        1. wncguy*

          Agreed but that also shows a lack of competence on the part of the manager. If she hasn’t fostered a team that looks out for one another and simply a “what’s in it for me culture,” then they have bigger problem then losing this employee.

          1. Just Another Techie*

            Exactly. My situation is different (exempt creative professional) but we do have to arrange our own coverage for vacations. I’m realizing I have no idea what my manager would do if I said I couldn’t find coverage, because I can’t imagine that even being a question. Of course you’d cover for co-workers, not just for big life events but even just for “I’m exhausted and want a personal day to recharge.” We all benefit from having an ecosystem where that just happens without a whole lot of agita.

        2. Chalupa Batman*

          That was a big thing that bothered me, too-in what kind of culture will NO ONE cover for someone who sounds like she’s willing to cover for them pretty regularly and is great at her job (which is a definite time and frustration saver for coworkers, too) so that she can go to her college graduation? Either they have a very small team with a highly coincidental cluster of situations that made them unavailable beyond “didn’t want to come in on their day off,” or she worked with a bunch of jerks. I’m putting massive amounts of good energy in the universe for this woman, and hoping OP is drafting a glowing recommendation of her as we speak to read verbatim to anyone who asks.

          1. Vanessa*

            Although it’s impossible to know what is going on there in reality, it sound like overtime might be frequent and everyone either feels they’ve already given up enough OR the climate there doesn’t inspire them to give more than they have to. Not that you aren’t going to always have selfless, thoughtful co-workers, but if cooperation is as endemically lacking as it sounds there, that too is a management issue.

      3. blatantlybianca*

        I feel compelled to comment. I was a foster child and graduating from college was one of my greatest achievements. No one attended my graduation and even though my friends families stepped in to be there for me, what I remember thinking in that moment is that I did it, I fought against incredible odds to graduate with a degree that could and would propel me into a successful life. For a foster child moments of accomplishment are few and far between. We fight really hard to face each day without the love and support others have, and we often have to fight stereotypes and other incredible challenges like bouncing from home to home (often b/c of further abuse) and many end up homeless. Foster children often age out at the age of 18 (some states are 21) and have no one to lend support to find their footing. 35% of foster children who age out end up homeless. 20% end up arrested/incarcerated, 54% drop out of high school and a staggering amount will never graduate from college (Source: First Place for Youth). I said all of that to say this young lady beat the odds.

        I think you should look at this as a huge lesson in how to be compassionate. You don’t have to experience foster care to understand that this was a big moment in her life and as someone involved in her life, you had an opportunity to show her that you cared about her. And you chose not to.

        1. Marisol*

          Great comment. Hopefully hearing this perspective will teach the OP something.

          Although I would add, that this isn’t *just* a lesson in compassion, but business–since she lost her most productive worker, she hurt the company’s bottom line as well. When employees are treated well, everybody wins.

        2. The Strand*

          An awesome comment. Thanks for sharing what you overcame; it makes us appreciate what the OP’s employee was dealing with.

        3. Lee Merrick*

          Preach! You have that completely right. As a child who went through numerous foster homes, I can attest to the challenges and strength it takes to make it though college–a challenge for most, to be sure, but exponentially so for those of us who’ve been through the foster-home factory. I am also so glad this woman quit on the spot, and that this site is supporting her, not the &%#&! boss!

        4. One of the Sarahs*

          That made me tear up a little – thank you for explaining it so well. Big love to you.

        5. Troutwaxer*

          What you should have done was given her the whole day off, then advised HR that a really tough, motivated person had just graduated from college and needed a raise/promotion/be management tracked… etc. In other words, you could have used this to do a bit of internal recruiting and sent her up through the ranks. The payback in loyalty alone would have been amazing! Instead, you blew it.

          1. Craig*

            As a high level manager, I’d have given her the day off paid, and taken the shift for her without a word. And that has nothing to do with her growing up in foster care. Good managers don’t lose good people, plain and simple. The details of her personal life should have been meaningless to this manager, and could easily have solely based the decision on the performance of the employee. (That is not to say the details don’t make it a bit more poignant, just that once it’s stripped down to brass tacks … it’s a poor decision on the managers part either way).

            That being said … can someone give me this employees contact info … I’ll hire her in a heartbeat.

        6. Emmie*

          Sending lots of love and encouragement your way as well. You’ve overcame really tough odds, and I wish you much success, happiness, and support.

        7. Lynne*

          If the person in charge was a leader, s/he would have let the girl go to graduation. S/he should have also attempted to attend the ceremony and/or have a small party for her at work after the ceremony. It would have been a minimal cost and would have meant a lot to the now former employee. I hope the manager has learned something from this experience. Human kindness goes a long way and usually the receiver will give back more to the organization. Huge FAIL on the manager. Huge win for the girl who had the guts to quit.

          2. snuck*

            I like the party idea.

            Everyone is pulling over time, and having to work extra… so why not throw a cake in to celebrate this graduation – and in doing so everyone gets to join in the morale boost and celebrate. How often does someone celebrate a degree graduation???!!!

        10. Effective Immediately*

          Absolutely. My father was a foster child and his whole story is incredibly painful. I was already in the employee’s corner before OP revealed her status as a foster kid, and that just put it right over the edge for me.

          And making an exception for concert tickets but not a graduation?! I’m speculating here, but it sounds like this manager comes from a place of privilege where she can identify with the struggle of paying for concert tickets, but not with the struggle of overcoming a life of foster care and earning a degree.

          This letter just made me sad/angry and reminded me so much of the disconnect you often see in this profession (management),

        11. Jill*

          Kudos to you!

          Yes, he/she was using that foster care thing to beat her down, not recognise the professionalism she achieved in spite of it. Good lord.

      4. Justin K*

        A very close family friend who was essentially a grandfather figure for much of my life growing up passed away several years ago, and I had wanted to attend his funeral. I was told by the owner of the company that since he was not a blood relative that there was no bereavement leave policy covering my taking off to go to the funeral, and that I could take a couple hours off to attend the funeral (I wasn’t even asking for the whole day off) I had to make the choice whether I felt my job was as important as attending this funeral. I should have taken that as a huge red flag and walked away from that job then and there, but I didn’t. I missed the funeral and regret it to this day.
        Also, if it is her first professional job, leaving it can be a blessing in disguise. Many companies that will train their employees in a profession from the ground up are smaller companies that have difficulty finding people who are already trained because they don’t have the payroll to attract experienced talent. So instead of paying great salaries to highly experienced employees, they pay minimal “trainee” salaries to those whom they can train to perform the job to a satisfactory level. I had a supervisor (my first supervisor at that same company, actually) tell me that “the company that trains you will never pay you what you are worth”. In the end, he was right. These types of arrangements are great symbiotic relationships for entry-level candidates and cash strapped small businesses, but employees need to know when to “cut the umbilical cord” so to speak and use their newfound profession to make some real money and advance their careers as they will eventually find themselves becoming too experienced for the small payroll and could end up training their future entry-level replacement (as I did). While I was fired from that particular company after my recently hired final supervisor threw me under the bus to cover up his failure at quoting a job properly and I thought it was the end of the world at the time (having just gotten married/buying a new house two weeks prior), it ended up being a serendipitous happenstance as I found a job doing the same work with a bigger company within two weeks, and received an instant $9,000 salary increase and better benefits to boot as a reward for my experience and niche expertise. Getting fired was the best possible career move for me at the time and I learned a valuable lesson that I should pay attention to the specifics of where my experience level fits into the company dynamic and pull the trigger on an employment shift when I have outgrown the position.

        1. E*

          “the company that trains you will never pay you what you are worth”

          I’m learning this now at my first employer (of 7 years). It hurts because I want to be here forever but I want to be paid what I’m worth. I have worked in every department except IT in those years, and know so much about the company. Why am I not worth what you’d pay an outsider (who’d have to learn all of this)?

      5. Allannah*

        This is exactly why it is not a good idea to work at a company for more than 2-3 years.. you give one single company too much power over your professional references.

    3. PaisleyAvocado*

      6 years in — with an exemplary record of performance, attendance and willingness to work overtime — and she has the lowest seniority? That sounds suspicious to me. This employee should have been moving up the ranks. And yes, this manager needs to seriously reevaluate his/her management style. Unbelievably rude and selfish to put the ‘needs’ of the company before this employee’s right to celebrate such a huge accomplishment. Being a manager means knowing when to bend the rules for the greater good, not arbitrarily enforcing them.

        1. Allisonthe5th*

          +1000
          this is seriously the most shockingly unaware OP I can remember in the history of this column. Nominee for Bad Boss of 2016. And kudos to the hard working young lady who surpassed the hardships of her background and finished college!!

          1. Kristine*

            I agree; the only other OP who comes close was the one who wanted to speed up the retirement of an older employee. I know a lot of employers would like to have an employee with this young woman’s initiative.

              1. Allisonthe5th*

                Oh yes….that was pretty bad. But at least the OP wasn’t the one writing in to ask for advice to get everyone to fall in line!

          2. Chocolate lover*

            The guy with the fat girls bumper sticker was also pretty unaware, but this one is bad.

      2. LN*

        Agreed – how is someone with that track record the “lowest seniority?” Even if she declined promotions (which I’ve known people to do when they’re juggling school and work) she still should’ve been given the consideration due for six years of exemplary service.

        1. SF*

          Seniority jobs are based on time served, not any form of promotion, skill, or employee merit. So if she’s among the people who have been there the longest, and outside of that longstanding crew they have high turnover, it’s very possible for her to be “the least senior” while still having been present for six years.

          It’s exactly that mentality toward seniority that prevents me from joining strictly union jobs – I expect to be rewarded for merit.

          1. Michael J. "Orange Mike" Lowrey*

            Speaking as a union president, I can only say that the sole merit of seniority is that it is impartial: it cannot be manipulated or evaded due to an employer’s prejudices, favoritism, hidden agendas, etc. It’s like one person, one vote: better than any of the alternatives I’ve seen offered over the decades I’ve been in the workforce.

            1. Matt*

              It protects the incompetent at the expense of the competent. All in the name of fairness. Can’t wait for unions to take their last breaths.

              1. Jak Crow*

                The very nature of seniority indicates a competent employee, otherwise they wouldn’t have seniority. And the day unions disappear completely is the day your salary starts going down and your rights as a worker dry up.

                2. Michael*

                  That’s really just not true on seniority. There are plenty of places (union and non-union) that keep incompetent employees because they do just enough to avoid being fired or there is some kind of protection in place (for example, I worked as a fed contractor and one guy didn’t show up for 3 weeks and still wasn’t able to be fired due to protections as a vet… also Teacher tenure can protect incompetent teachers). I’m pro-union, but solely looking at seniority is just lunacy… reward merit.

                3. Erynn*

                  Seniority based on time employed means nothing. People stay employed long enough abd they won’t get fired no matter what they do in half the places I’ve ever seen. It is not ‘fair’.

                4. Yvette*

                  I feel like the entire setup with teachers unions right now us a prime example of why this isn’t true.

                5. catsAreCool*

                  “The very nature of seniority indicates a competent employee, otherwise they wouldn’t have seniority.” Absolutely not true. Also doesn’t tell you if the person has any follow through, puts in any effort, or treats others decently.

                6. Tyler Avi*

                  No, it indicates an employee that has been at the job for a period of time. It does help prevent “firing the old to hiring younger/newer employees for less”, but it doesn’t protect competence as the same group which dictates seniority-based policies also protects the employment status via seniority (i.e. by bumping rights, if your position is eliminated you can “bump” another person of less seniority so they lose their job instead, even if that person is more competent).

              2. Tegdirb*

                Yeah, what have unions ever done for workers?

                I mean, beyond an 8 hour/5 day workweek and things like that.

                1. theironjef*

                  That was in 1937. What have they done lately? Are we also keeping them around due to seniority?

                2. Big Yellow Taxi*

                  Fair pay — everybody knows what everybody else makes, it’s a published scale
                  Regular raises (cost of living keeps going up, why should you take home less and less money to stay in your job?)
                  Vacation time
                  SICK LEAVE (keep your germs home, please!)
                  Workplace safety
                  Protections against capricious treatment and favoritism

                  It’s darkly amusing that workers have been convinced to hate the handful of people who abuse union protections, while shrugging off what upper management chisels from them routinely. It’s like the dozen cookie meme — the CEO takes 11 cookies, then tells his employee that the other guy (union, foreigner, whatever) wants the one cookie that is left.

                3. Curtis Schmalenberger*

                  After all, Henry Ford didn’t institute this at his factories without Union pressures.

                4. A. L. Wakely*

                  I worked for a company that would schedule us for 4/6 hours a day, seven days a week, and call themselves “flexible”. What they were doing was staffing for the busy times and giving zero farts for what sort of chaos that causes for a work/life balance. Of course, you could insist on having only a 5-day week…Know what that got you? Ineligible for benefits. BARRELS of fun! Sort of CRACKEd sounding, eh?

              3. Calvin Neal*

                That is not really true. I retired from AT&T. Many incompetent people were fired by the company in my time there. Once the unions die which you cannot wait for, expect another huge jump in economic equality. AT&T never had a problem getting rid of bad employees, happened damn near every week in southeast Michigan.

                1. Kenna*

                  Except that while working for AT&T, I saw the best Assembler in Pleasanton get laid off because she only had 27 years against other people there.

              4. Chaordic One*

                WRONG!

                Unions protect the competent from being fired for frivolous reasons, and they ensure that even the incompetent get a fair hearing before they are deservedly fired for cause.

                1. Robin*

                  Neither my husband nor I are union. We both got in a pickle because we were some of the most competent (best paid) non-managers. When budgets were cut, the beancounters didn’t look at performance at all, but only decided that they could save the most by letting the best people go.

              5. tk*

                If the senior employee is incompetent, that’s indicating a deep management issue.
                Does this mean that the competent people all leave for better pay or environments?
                Does this mean the guy knows where the bodies are buried, or is related to management?
                How the hell is an employer holding on to an employee who is Incompetent, long enough for that employee to get seniority?

            2. Pat*

              I am proud to have been a union member (I just retired). However, if you are suggesting that in a case like this that “seniority” should prevail over someone’s being allowed to attend a hard-won college graduation (while excusing someone who purchased concert tickets), your’s is not a union I would be a part of…

              1. Pig Lightning*

                Not sure that this is a union shop, but it would be a messed up union, not worthy of the ideals of solidarity, where one’s sisters and brothers wouldn’t step up and fill in for a shift, given such a circumstance.

                Frankly I doubt it’s a union shop, since any contract worth a damn would have provisions for such exigencies. This just sounds like a pink collar sweatshop.

                1. UnionMade*

                  Yeah, no union shop has this problem. a shop steward would have stepped up for sure, even if it were a rtw state and the steward didnt like the coworker bc they were anti-union. this doesnt happen in union shops. there are disagreements, but union shops dont lose their best workers bc of petulance.

                  this is a case of bad management unchecked by the workers voice.

                  Matt’ll definitely take his last breaths before the proletariat give up the struggle for the fruits of their labor. Seniority is the fairest way to decide time-off. If you do your job, you keep your job, for as long as you do it. and your time is being fairly paid for just like everyone else.

          2. MaggiePi*

            Agreed. Seniority is not a good way to delegate work or perks. Merit should matter.

            1. Jak Crow*

              Most places, people have seniority based on the merit that they’re a good employee and thus has been kept on long enough to have said seniority.

              1. Jeremy Werst*

                I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily true. I’ve seen people with seniority because they just don’t rock the boat, who do the least possible when it comes to actual work or innovation. And I’ve seen them throw people with lower seniority but greater skill and speed under the bus to save their own butt.

                It’s a sad fact, but it’s true.

                They’re not the go-getters, the hardest workers, or the greatest earners. And if someone comes along that’s going to show how lazily they’re actually working, do it better and faster, they push back…

                1. Programmer Dude*

                  If doing the least possible work is the way to gain seniority, then that’s a failure of leadership. It means that innovation and hard work are not rewarded over doing just enough to not get fired. If the high performers are the ones that leave, then you as a manager should ask yourself why. At my last job (in fairness, no union involved) I received the typical kick-in-the-balls 2.5% raise for a “meets expectations” performance review. I asked what I would have gotten if I’d walked on water, and was told 3%. That’s right, the difference between moistening a chair and going above and beyond was half a percent. Considering that going above and beyond meant that you were effectively working a lot of unpaid overtime, getting that glowing performance review could actually HURT your hourly rate.

                  If you don’t give people incentive to work hard, they’re not going to, union or not. If their hard work is not rewarded, they’re not going to work hard anymore, or they’ll leave for a company that treats them better. The ironic thing is that if employers across-the-board stopped treating people like walking cost centers and instead rewarded hard work, unions would be less necessary. Which is why they still are; most employers would rather rip off their own noses than consider treating their employees well.

      3. Philipp*

        The was this letter is written she might have done her job too good. A lazy incompetent manager doesn’t want to “give away” their “go to” employee. I’ve seen this happen before.

        1. Journalist Wife*

          I was just thinking that. In my first career was I repeatedly denied promotions after several years of service because they claimed they would not find another entry level employee who could manage things as well as I could. Ugh. I’m so glad I got out of there.

          1. Adam V*

            > they claimed they would not find another entry level employee who could manage things as well as I could

            “Well, now you have to. I quit.”

            1. Susan*

              I did that very same thing in my very first job, and this was after having to threaten to quit in order to get a raise. I was being fobbed off on getting a raise, and then I found out that the boss had just HIRED someone at my salary. So I confronted her, & she said “Well, people won’t work for less.” & that’s when I told her that *I* wasn’t going to work for anything less than the raise I demanded. She then countered that no one else would pay me more. I then countered that obviously no one was going to pay me less. I did end up having to quit when she started fobbing me off on a promotion. I found a job somewhere else that offered promotions at the end of a training course. My manager tried to talk me out of it by pointing out that “it wasn’t guaranteed”, but I retorted, “And it’s guaranteed I *won’t* get one *here*!” She didn’t say anything else. But the place closed several months after I left!

              1. Chris*

                The place closed several months after you left? That is karma right there. She lost it all and you got a better job. The grass was clearly much greener on your side! Good for you!

        2. littlestripes*

          Also, after 6 years, perhaps it was time for this young woman to move on. Six years is a long time at one company these days, *especially* if it was her first job. I’m sure she’ll do just fine.

          1. ausoleil*

            Especially now that she’s armed with a shiny college degree to go along with that working experience.

          2. Milton Waddams*

            Not sure about that. Six years doesn’t count for much if your manager gives you a bad reference and you have no other jobs to fall back on.

      4. Nursey Nurse*

        I thought the same thing. Either this letter is fake or these are the happiest call center employees in the history of time.

        3. littlestripes*

          I once worked in a pretty small call center that wasn’t terrible. The pay sucked, but the people were pretty chill and we didn’t have many rules. It was for a rather unique industry, though.

          That said, I’ve also held customer service jobs in small companies wherein you only have one or two customer service “agents” who also may run the front desk for those who enter the business/shop/warehouse, whatever. I also did dispatch for one such company, as well as customer service and tech support for drivers AND customers.

      5. Mabel*

        I agree. And it doesn’t even matter what the time off was for. If a stellar employee wanted two hours off for something that was important to them, the manager should have been willing to look at the whole picture and not just enforcing the rules with blinders on.

      6. Deborrah*

        Wondering why the manager didn’t attend the graduation if her best employee, assign other staff to cover for them both, and give her flowers and a gift? I would have quit too. The OP is a very poor motivator and fails at team building. This was a golden opportunity to embrace and support a real winner. Instead the OP snubbed her. And with all those kudos, she should have been promoted long ago. Lots of mistakes made here, none by the worker. Oh and dont you dare send her anything after she no longer works there but an apology. Anything else is cobsidered harassment. You already ruined her graduation by making her quit to experience a once in a lifetime event. Thats quite enough damage to her psyche from you.

        1. SheLooksFamiliar*

          Perfectly said, Deborrah. I hope the OP reads this, and takes your words to bear.

      7. Alex*

        Working customer service myself I know that the most talented don’t always (or even usually) see the promotions they should. The harder I work and the more I accomplish the more valuable I am at the position I’m at and they “can’t afford to lose me” by promoting me. Sadly hard work isn’t always rewarded.

      8. Monica*

        Several people have said this, but it isn’t that outlandish! I’ve been in my current position over 5 years, and I have the lowest seniority by 10 years! If it is a relatively small company, it isn’t that crazy! (My company has 300+ employees, but none outside of my department could do my job/cover for me.)

      9. Annonymouse*

        It depends.
        If it is a small company or family run kind of business there tends not to be a lot upward movement.

        And if you aren’t family or in the inner circle you can forget fairness or ever being senior even if you’ve been there longer than above mentioned people.

        The letter reads to me like they’re used to employee always covering for everyone else and the one time she needs it no one wanted to step in. Maybe it’s a culture thing at work or maybe the job is one where extra work = expected with no thanks you just keep your job so if you get the day off you take it.

    4. C.L.*

      She gave notice. The notice was that she was going to attend her college graduation regardless of any schedule. I believe she made a good faith effort to do the right thing by asking her manager, as well as other employees to cover for her. This request wasn’t just any casual request, it was her college graduation that she put in time, effort and money to attain a degree. If she were truly a valuable employee to the manager, the manager would have found a way to accommodate her request. It isn’t as if she graduates everyday, this event was too important to forsake. If i were her manager, i would have required someone to cover her shift. Good for her!

        1. Chantel*

          Right?! I mean, the last concert I went to cost $45 a ticker, and my college education cost almost $30,000.

          1. Jennifer Morrison*

            Even if I don’t count the cost of the tuition and books. I had to pay $100 for my cap and gown, and there was a fee for the graduation ceremony too – I think $60 – (2011) – that’s as much a as a concert.

            1. Charity*

              I was thinking the same thing. My school requires a graduation application with a fee and the cap gown package to graduate. That’s a couple hundred bucks. More than a concert. So how does an exception get made for cost? Graduations cost too and concerts are usually on more than one date.

              1. millsapian87*

                Furthermore, most schools require their undergrads and Ph.D. candidates to attend the commencement ceremony. Think about it: if they weren’t so, there’d be no students at commencement! The ceremonies are often boring and feature a long-winded, uninteresting speaker–although once in a while one gets lucky and Jon Steward or Al Franken or somebody is the commencement speaker. There are ramifications to not attending commencement if you are required to do so.

        2. Stranger than fiction*

          Yeah what kind of horrible message was that to this woman? That may have been the part that was the final “wtf cersei can go see Justin bieber but I can’t go to my graduation? boss clearly doesn’t care about me like I thought. I’m out”.

          1. Dan*

            Not true. She’s reselling her college education right now at her new job which pays better because of her degree.

      2. John*

        ” If i were her manager, i would have required someone to cover her shift.”

        Heck. If I were her manager, I’d have covered her shift. Employees bettering themselves, even if it means they will be moving on from under my employ, should be the goal of any manager.

        1. Collarbone High*

          SERIOUSLY. I’d have covered the entire day so she could not only go to the ceremony, but enjoy the day she’s worked so hard for.

          1. Fafaflunkie*

            This manager will reap what she sows. I’m glad we’re all in agreement on this one. That “worst boss of 2016” list just keeps on growing. But to have said bad boss write, trying to make her look like the victim, especially since this employee didn’t even ask for the day off, just for two stinking hours so she can attend her college graduation, one she made incredible sacrifices to achieve? Truly this one takes the cake.

        3. phedre*

          Right?! I would have bent over backwards to let a great employee (or any employee for that matter) attend a college graduation. That’s a big deal! If I had to cover the shift myself I would make it happen. Now the OP has lost a stellar employee over 2 hours of work.

          1. Effective Immediately*

            This is what’s truly mindblowing to me. This manager looked at the benefit (have someone cover 2 hours) and the cost (lose great employee) of this decision and thought, “Yep, seems fine.”

            ???

        5. Anna Helvie*

          Yes. I would not have asked her to find her own substitutes. I would have volunteered to cover her shift, if I could, plus bought her a present. What a loser of a manager. I hope they see this.

        6. Claire Swazey*

          Exactly. And I have indeed pitched in on weekends and evenings with production tasks when people were behind- regardless of the reason. For someone like this who wants to go to her college graduation- it’s a no brainer. I’d also have gotten her some flowers.

        7. Matt Cohen*

          John hit this one on the head. The manager should have covered the shift themselves if they had to. Loyalty for loyalty, for the past and for the future.

        8. Cindy W.*

          That’s the first thing I thought of too! It would never have occurred to me to not allow her to go. I’d have covered her shift and made everyone else do plenty of non-desirable chores in the meantime, just because.

          1. Christopher Tracy*

            I’d have covered her shift and made everyone else do plenty of non-desirable chores in the meantime, just because.

            LOL, I like how you think. Her coworkers are assholes for not helping her out and they all should have been written up. I have never seen that kind of selfishness in the workplace in my life.

        9. Megan Evans*

          I’m with you. I would have covered the entire shift. She should go out an celebrate not have to run back to work.

      3. Peredur*

        I wouldn’t have forced it on anyone but if I couldn’t get anyone to do it then I would have covered that shift myself. It’s the least that should be done for “the best employee”

        Another note: No-one keeps a list of all the times they have worked extra hours or covered for colleagues unless they felt (rightly or wrongly) that they were always getting the bad end of the stick.

        1. Dawn*

          When working hourly, it’s always advisable to track your time separately to ensure you are paid properly. Especially if shifts are catawumpas as this place sounds with all the shift trading. So I can see her having the data handy.

        2. Liz*

          Yeah, the fact that she has a list was a red flag. I wonder what other ways she’s been getting the shaft over the last six years.

        3. Tom Thompson*

          Re: no one keeping a list of extra hours worked etc.
          Unless you have a copy of your original schedule, and a copy of the hours you actually worked so you know the difference and can get paid correctly. I’d have been able to do this at several jobs, and at one of them as the scheduling manager I did it for the entire company.

    5. coffeepowerd*

      I would have quit too, if I were in her situation, after putting in night-classes while working for 6 years in presumably a low-prestige entry level job. This manager reeks of borne entitlement the same way Trump reeks of a small loan of a million dollars.

      I hope she gets a better job. She certainly has the drive to get wherever she needs to!!! *applause*

    6. Lex*

      This man is an ass and a horrible manager. He is a excellent example of why some organizations lose talented members of their team. I’m sorry sir it is you who needs to learn a lesson in this case.

      Congratulations to this young lady on her great achievement and I wish for her many wonderful opportunities in her future

    7. Markyd*

      I have read this letter twice and it stuns me that a manager can be THIS lacking in self-awareness. Unreal.

    8. Linguist Curmudgeon*

      Likewise. I am on “Team Employee” and “Team This Is The Worst Manager Of The Year” here.

      Almost to the point where I have to wonder if LW is sincere…could the letter have been written by a different employee of the company? Usually folks who write in here have more self-awareness.

  3. Karyn*

    I am flabbergasted.

    I can’t believe this is a thing that happened. I had no interest in going to either my college or my law school graduations, but my mother put herself through college AND law school with three kids and a full time job at the age of 45, and you can bet it was important to her. If her bosses hadn’t allowed her to go, she’d have quit on the spot too.

    I also have a hard time understanding how you justify the concert attendance as necessary “because there was cost involved,” but not a college graduation. There’s a substantial cost involved there, too – much more than concert tickets cost.

    I have nothing else to say other than “wow.”

    1. KW*

      That’s all I could think of when I read the post – wow. I hope OP is open minded enough to take Alison’s advice seriously.

    2. MD*

      Seriously. Same reaction here. I’m absolutely stunned. My mouth was literally hanging open reading this even before LW mentioned this employee had the challenging life she’s had. I would have quit too, and I’ve never given less than three weeks notice to an employer.

      1. Mallory Janis Ian*

        Same here. My mouth was hanging open and and my eyebrows were up in my hairline. Every statement by the OP was worse than the last: Won’t let employee attend their graduation. Wow. Allows other employees to make coverage arrangements based upon friendships when she knew this person needed the time to go to her graduation; more “Wow”. Let’s another employee have off because concerts are more important than graduations; whut the whut!? And does all of this to an extremely disadvantaged young person — her best, go-to employee [to take advantage of] — and sees absolutely nothing wrong with it!! Head exploding.

        1. Adlib*

          +1,000 to the “take advantage of”. This happens way too often with stand out employees. Short end of the stick constantly.

          1. Andy*

            Yep. I’ve noticed my years of work that part of the problem is the whole “squeaky wheel gets the grease” idea. Many, MANY hardworking, extremely valuable employees are the quiet worker types. They don’t complain, they go above and beyond with expectation of much gratitude, and unfortunately, they end up getting taken advantage of until they can’t take the unfairness anymore and something like this triggers them to leave. Meanwhile, more entitled, schmoozy types are the ones making demands for pay and vacation time. Bosses, even if they mean well, sometimes do not seem well-equipped for juggling these personalities and rewarding their actual most valuable people. This lady seems way more egregious though. What really bothers me here is the feeling I’m getting that the employee’s background led to her being treated as a second-class worker, and to her being left at the bottom of the totem pole there, despite her status as a great employee for years.

            1. littlestripes*

              Obviously this is just complete conjecture, but something tells me this young woman is not white, while her manager is. And I also wonder if the manager is male. Just an inkling. The whole “I want to teach her a lesson” thing reeks of male entitlement.

              1. Kittyface*

                I didn’t go to gender or race on this, I read it as the manager hasn’t gone to college and doesn’t understand what an achievement it is or even worse is intimidated by this underling having gotten a degree, so isn’t going to make an exception for it. And that’s why they feel the need to keep “teaching” the employee things even after she’s quit. Either way it shows an amazing lack of empathy.

                1. catsAreCool*

                  Or maybe the manager went to college and had it all paid for by his/her parents. People sometimes don’t appreciate something as much if it was free.

              2. Doc*

                I have had this happen to me before, and it has never been a man employing some kind of mythical “male entitlement.” Every time an employer has told me they’re doing this for my own good or teaching me a lesson, it has been a woman.

                As an example, I was assaulted at work by a boss. She was, I later found out, going through a tough divorce at the time. Security literally had to pull her away from me. They came to me later and told me that I should press charges as this was NOT okay. Anywho, she later set up a one-on-one meeting with me where she A) threatened to fire me if I ever spoke to anyone in HR again, and B) repeatedly insisted that she was doing this all for my own good. This was a “learning experience” for me.

                Last year, I was let go from a position because of my ailing health. They added a new task to my workload that we had agreed I would not do when I was hired due to health reasons, I got sent to the hospital, and they let me go. Again, a woman was the one doing the firing, and trying to “teach me a lesson” out of this somehow. Her idea of a lesson boiled down to “well maybe you shouldn’t be disabled; people would like you more if you weren’t sick.” As if I could help it. It’s outrageous.

                I’m disabled. People take advantage of that. Male and female. This isn’t a gender thing.

                I’m not trying to say that women are the only people who do this, but I want to shoot down the blatant sexism in your remark. In my experience, it has always been women who try to make it sound like they’re teaching someone something, but even then, I’m not going to say that it’s something only women do, and I’m not going to assume the gender of the manager in this column. I think it’s sexist and wrong to assume that it’s “male entitlement” or that this is a gender-specific problem.

                1. Dynamic Beige*

                  The original letter is bad enough but your boss hit you — in front of witnesses with security involved — and then threatened you? She wasn’t let go immediately? And then another person dumped on you over something out of your control that they bait-and-switched you on? Things like this make me despair for humanity.

      2. many bells down*

        I think this resonates with people because it’s exactly the sort of injustice so many of us have experienced in real life. I mean, liver-donor boss may be objectively worse, but that’s not going to happen to 99.9% of us so we can be amused and horrified at the same time.

        It’s like why people hate Dolores Umbridge more than Voldemort. You’re not likely to actually encounter an evil zombie wizard, but I’d wager nearly all of us have had that teacher who hated us and made our lives hell.

        1. MK*

          It’s debatable that liver-donor boss is objectively worse. I mean, what he asks is worse, but he is trying to save his brother’s life, not safeguard another employee’s concert experience. And maybe he is driven to act crazy out of grief; I cannot even fathom how this OP fails to see how in the wrong they are.

    3. Cafe au Lait*

      That was my first thought too! College is a $20,000 (tuition-only) expense at a cheap in-state school, much more at higher tier schools.

      1. Sally-O*

        Yes! There was absolutely a huge “cost involved”! Her graduation was the culmination of an education that was way way way more expensive than some concert tickets. :-/

      2. Ife*

        Plus, there is probably a direct cost to attend the graduation ceremony: you have to buy/rent robes and the graduation cap, and possibly reserve seats for friends/family. I didn’t attend my own graduation ceremonies, but I recall seeing that those costs were not-negligible, probably in the same ballpark as the coworker’s concert ticket.

        1. Seuuze*

          At my university, the graduation gown, cap and tassel totaled about $80 or more. And the stuff was super flimsy and cheap. It is a racket, but one must wear the garb and it is just the one time you would wear it, unless you go on to another degree, or two. One of the many reasons I didn’t go to my graduation.

      3. Friday Brain All Week Long*

        I wonder if the manager went to college. She doesn’t seem to value it.

        1. littlestripes*

          There’s no indication that the manager is a woman, from what I can gather.

          Also, you bet the manager went to college. It’s just that the manager didn’t have to take night classes while working six years for an entitled boss, that’s all. The manager likely went to college right after high school, then got a job in their current industry.

          2. Sam*

            Just so you know, AAM tends to default to female pronouns when gender isn’t specified, and this commenter may be following that convention.

        2. Ralph S. Mouse*

          It does seem like those who didn’t go are the loudest about what a worthless accomplishment it is. Or the ones who went back when tuition was $2K a year and you were guaranteed a good job afterward think that the people who pay $10K a year are racking up those loans just to be friviolous, because the $2k 4-year schools totally still exist everywhere.

          The thing is, even if you go to a school not known for its rigorous academics, just sticking with anything for four years and doing whatever you need to do to scrape by with a degree is something of an accomplishment. People get presents and parties every year just for getting a year older whether they did anything that year or not, but let’s knock college because you didn’t come out of it with a cure for cancer.

      4. Fish Microwaer*

        That’s only taking into account the actual costs of tuition, books etc. There is an opportunity cost as well. It seems to me that the employee stayed in the job with low seniority for six years in order to gain her degree at night. There’s also the personal cost of never taking a sick day and covering for others . The OP is certainly not aware of the employee’s sacrifice, determination or achievement.

    4. CH*

      Well said Karyn.

      Very few letters on Ask A Manager get me so caught up with emotion. Wow, just wow. OP did you even read your letter to see how unprofessional you sound? Your a manager, people should be able to look up to you and follow your example. If you can make an exception for one person (that was for a social event), surely you can make an exception for another (for a major life event positive accomplishment). Did you even consider covering for her yourself? I’m all for following rules, but some rules are meant to be bent. This person proved they are a great employee – if anything you are the one that will get the short end of the stick. You need to reexamine this situation and let this be a career lesson to you. If anything you owe that employee an apology and an amazing recommendation.

      2. INTP*

        Same! The more I think about this the more I fill with rage and I can normally stay fairly detached.

        Seriously…This employee shows up on time, does quality work, and is a go-to for undesirable shifts, all while finishing her degree (which even if online is not always an easy thing to schedule around). The OP has her entire scheduling system designed around avoiding decisions and conflict for herself rather than fairness. The coworkers refuse to help cover shifts based on nothing other than not liking someone. And it is THAT EMPLOYEE whose professionalism OP is concerned about?

        1. Adlib*

          Exactly. If she was a great employee, she knows exactly how to turn in a 2 weeks notice, but this was a deal breaker that necessitated an extreme action. Good on her.

        2. OhNo*

          Me, too. I’m usually all for giving the letter writer the benefit of the doubt, but even my usually even-handed nature was getting sorely tested through this one. And then that last paragraph…

          This is the kind of thing that makes me see red. I’m so upset on the employee’s behalf, and I’m honestly really, really glad that she quit and can move on to another job. Hopefully one where they actually do value her, and not just pay lip service to the idea.

      3. SophieChotek*

        Agreed. Six years is a long time to be the best person…and 2 hours late is…
        I want to be at this graduation to cheer this amazing person on!

        1. Sally-O*

          A less-professional employee might have just called in sick on graduation day, but your employee was honest and only asked for 2 measly hours off. Please reach out to her and let her know you will give her a stellar recommendation!

        2. AnonInSC*

          Agreed. LW – You should have given her the entire day off to enjoy her accomplishment.

        3. Patricia Delzell*

          Being a manager of an outstanding employee myself in the past… Situations of this caliper have arisen. Do unto others , I myself pulled the double or extra hours to allow my associate to better themselves. Accomplishment and compliments make stronger employees. You dropped the ball. The two extra hours would not have broken or hurt you ! YOUR THE MANAGER ! Earn the respect of this title

    5. Bee Eye LL*

      What if it had been a funeral or wedding instead of a graduation? I bet it would have been treated the same way.

      1. Edith*

        If it was a small, intimate wedding she would’ve had to come in. But a big blowout wedding would have been accommodated. You know, because of the cost involved.

        Ugh.

        If I were the employee in question the fact that a coworker was allowed to switch because of concert tickets would have been what pushed me over the edge. Such a blatant slap in the face. But, yeah OP. *She’s* the one who’s unprofessional.

        2. INTP*

          Yeah, the concert tickets thing and the coworkers refusing to cover for her but covering for each other makes this seem like the employee is being bullied by everyone. Maybe they’re being more obliviously cruel than intentionally cruel, but even if it was obliviousness rather than bullying (a big “if” imo), it’s clear the employee didn’t have anyone’s support and her schedule was going to be absolute crap until she did. Maybe giving notice would have been more professional, but quitting was 100% justified.

          1. Zillah*

            Yeah, unless I had something important to do, I really can’t imagine not covering for a coworker in this position. The OP should have stepped in, ofc, but I give a massive side eye to her coworkers as well.

            1. INTP*

              And even if it weren’t such a major event, it’s weird that they’re accepting and declining requests for coverage based on who they are buddies with in the first place. When I had a similar job, if I wanted the hours and was available for the time slot, I’d accept the first person who asked, not refuse a shift just because I wasn’t friends with the asker then seek overtime from other coworkers. They all sound cliquish and unprofessional if not downright mean.

              1. Kyrielle*

                I wonder if they didn’t want the shift, but ‘could’ do it, and thus responded to a friend saying “Please? Timmy has a game that day and I really want to watch it” but not to a non-friend asking so they could go to their own graduation. Still not nice, but – not quite the same as wanting the swap but being careful who benefits.

          2. Kyrielle*

            Also, how much warning was given for this *unexpected* work day? If it was less than 2 weeks away by the time it was crystal clear she couldn’t have the two hours off, giving two weeks notice may not have been possible. If the whole discussion took place the same week as the Saturday in question, for example, and it was Wednesday or Thursday when she got final “you’re screwed” confirmation…well, is quitting on the spot *really* any different from giving a day or two of notice? I’d have taken the extra time to vent into a journal, take a hot bath, and generally get over my distress at being treated that way.

            Yes, if this happened a month in advance of graduation, the quit-on-the-spot is a bit much. But…I’d be surprised if it did.

            1. Rater Z*

              I had the feeling that the request was finally denied the night before the graduation. The employee seems to have spent some effort trying to come with up with someone to cover for them only to have everyone turn her down. It also looks like the extra day was sprung on them without notice or very short notice making it even worse for the employee who’s desperately trying to find a way to do both things the proper way.

        3. Joseph*

          “If I were the employee in question the fact that a coworker was allowed to switch because of concert tickets would have been what pushed me over the edge.”
          This exactly.

          I can 100% guarantee you that the employee heard this as “Your graduation, a once-in-a-lifetime-event is less important than John seeing the concert”.

        4. MashaKasha*

          Hah, I guess the funeral would’ve had to involve the most expensive coffin and a giant stone. Otherwise, there’s no significant cost involved, go ahead and come in.

      2. EvanMax*

        It was years before I left, but I always remember when I was denied leaving work a couple of hours early at one job in order to attend my cousin’s funeral (we are Jewish, so funerals are scheduled short notice.) My boss had given me a tentative “maybe” on being able to attend, as soon as I had the time and date and gave it to him, and when the moment came for me to leave he informed me that we hadn’t made enough outbound calls as a store that day, and so I couldn’t leave until those were done.

        I honestly don’t even blame that boss (he’s a really nice guy otherwise, even if he had some failings as a boss) so much as I blame the culture of retail and coverage scheduling. The pressure comes down from the top, and it is far too easy to lean on your best employees to their own detriment, rather than find a way to manage all of your people up.

        1. Manders*

          That’s a good point. OP still made a really bad call, but there’s a good chance there’s a larger issue in this department with pressure to make the numbers look right while forgetting about the people behind those numbers. That pressure might be coming from somewhere well above OP’s level.

          1. EvanMax*

            Just to clarify, my boss at the time didn’t let some one else out who had paid for tickets to something while I was forced to stay behind and miss the funeral. The fact that the OP had the latitude to allow the ticket holder out of work shows that the pressure in place wasn’t enough to prevent anyone from leaving.

            That’s the real issue here. If the boss had zero latitude to allow anyone off from work, then it would be an unfortunate story that sadly ended the way it did. The fact that the boss did indeed have discretion, but used it poorly, is the real problem that I see here.

            I’m just conjecturing, but I imagine that the employee with concert tickets was more of a “squeaky wheel” type, and the manager assumed that they would deal with a larger wrath of that employee complaining about sunk costs versus the top employee being upset about missing their graduation. This is why greasing only the squeaky wheels is a terrible terrible idea.

            1. KSm*

              I think you forgot that the boss mocked her background for being an orphan. The problem here is not on how the system works but rather on people’s decreasing emphathy. The system is pre-made and fixed, but humans are not. I’ll accept your boss and the OP’s action of denying your leave if and only if there’s no one else who can cover for you and that it would be very detrimental to your employers company/business. What is a little sacrifice for something very personal and monimental in someone else’s life.

              I applaud her for not giving into the system and for celebrating her own hard work and achievement which most people take for granted just to please others. Yes, she might have ended jobless afterwards but that’s only for certain period of time. She did not achieve the title “best employee” for nothing. She has skills and it will reflect on her future job interviews, especially with a college diploma attached to her cv.

      3. Kenya Coviak*

        I actually had HR show up at my foster mom’s funeral. Out of “kindness”. Because they disputed the validity of the bereavement.

        4. Karen*

          Did they go to make sure you were there and weren’t just making something up to get time off?

          No matter what this is horrible and I hate these people

    6. Liana*

      +1 to this. She was willing to make an exception for a $100 concert ticket, but not for a college degree that presumably cost thousands of dollars more? That poor employee.

      After all we do to push kids into college and encourage them to place so much self-worth in having a college degree, to refuse to let someone attend their own graduation just seems cruel.

    7. louise*

      I got the concert ticket part and sarcastically thought, oh, yup, college graduation is a no cost event–anyone can just show up and get a flippin’ degree.

      1. Anon Moose*

        Not to mention- maybe there are people who are coming to see her graduate? If not family, perhaps former mentors etc? There’s a cost there for them.

      2. davey1983*

        The school where I got my undergraduate degree is a well known state school. Anybody can go to graduation and fill out a card and they will announce your name (I actually know a couple of people who did this as they didn’t want to admit to their parents they had failed a course and was going to retake the course over the summer or next fall).

        The diplomas were mailed about a week or so later, however. All that was received at the graduation ceremony was a nice diploma holder with a picture of some random building at the school.

        1. Abby*

          That’s just lazy. I went to a university with 30,000 students and all our names were printed on cards beforehand. No pretending to graduate allowed.

    8. BWooster*

      I work in retail managing a team. I have a colleague who I can count on for just about anything. I have overtime to fill but no one to fill it? She will do it. Two employees called in sick and I have no coverage? She will stay on. She cross trained herself on every job in the department and I can put her in any gap which is an enormous help when working out a schedule.

      Forget graduation, if she asked for a mental health day and I couldn’t fill her shift, I’d do it myself. Considering how much easier she makes my life, I will bend over backwards to accommodate her requests. I can not imagine treating her the way the letter writer treated the standout in her staff. This is so egregious, I gotta wonder if the letter writer had been promoted to a manager literally 30 seconds before the employee made her request.

      Teams live or die by colleagues like this, as the manager is about to find out.

      1. BWooster*

        And after all that, she wants to lecture her on her professionalism? Physician, heal thyself!

          1. Emmie*

            The only issue I could see as relevant would be notice of the event. For instance, did the employee give enough notice to attend? You usually know the grad date months in advance. Even so, if the employee did not give notice w/in the required timeframe, the OP would’ve stated that as a reason for denial. ( I wouldn’t deny the request for improper notice. I would address it with the employee – assuming the policy was known and consistently enforced)

            1. Jessica*

              My read of this is that since the office isn’t normally open on that day, the employee wouldn’t have known that she’d need to give notice of her graduation (until the change was announced).

            2. JHow*

              It sounds like this was a day they normally didn’t work, so if they’re normally closed on Saturdays, she wouldn’t have needed to even ask about a Saturday ceremony until this extra day of work was brought up.

            3. Emmie*

              Good points, Jessica and JHow. I am just trying to see if there is even one valid concern for the manager.

              1. Desdemona*

                Even if the graduation was a month away when the request was denied, if this were done to me, I don’t know that I could give them even another hour of honest work. Not one coworker willing to let me celebrate my accomplishment, and my manager playing favorites for a guy with concert tickets? Let them scramble to cover the next month, plus make one of those jerks cover the dang two hours.

      2. CollegeAdmin*

        I was that type of employee – covering shifts, working late, never taking time off, etc. – when I worked retail in high school and college. My usually obnoxious boss filled in for me once so I could go to the beach to celebrate my friends’ graduation, since no one was available to cover my shift. I’ve never forgotten it.

        OP, your former employee will also never forget this instance, but in a very different way.

        1. BWooster*

          I was also an employee like that before I was promoted. And I was always a bit outside looking in with other members of my group. Everyone was lovely but swapping a shift was difficult. So my manager found swaps for me when I asked even though I was supposed to find cover myself. Because of that, and many other ways she made me feel valued, I almost never said “No” when she needed something. I’d have been heartbroken if she treated me the same way the letter writer treated her employee.

          1. CW*

            I was the same way. I bartended for four years during and after college, and would pick up any shift needed, stay on late, etc. As a result, my managers were always the first ones to grant me special permissions in the instance that I needed them – and it kept me working there far longer than I probably needed to. It fostered a work environment where I felt valued for my service. Not letting someone go to a college graduation – especially their own, given their situation? That’s deplorable. Hard to even imagine how this person managed to justify it in their own mind.

        2. CJB*

          I was this employee too when I worked in retail. Always covered shifts for other people, came in with 30 minutes notice on my day off and very rarely called in sick.
          I wasn’t given the opportunity to book holidays as I wasn’t told the process in January and could never get anyone to agree to covering my shifts. I once came back from a holiday to do a scheduled shift and then return to my holiday, paying more than I earned in that shift. I almost missed going to my parents for Christmas one year as my shift finished at the same time as the last train on Christmas eve and I wasn’t able to swap it to a slightly earlier shift.
          I really hope this employee found a job that appreciates her!

        3. Chalupa Batman*

          It broke my heart to imagine how the employee’s special day that she worked so hard for was tarnished because she was thinking about how she’s going to eat next week. She’ll forget a lot of day to day crap about this job, but she’ll never forget the moments they took away from her that day.

      3. Mallory Janis Ian*

        From the subtext of the letter, I got the impression that this employee has been doing this job with little to no support from anyone. Her coworkers sound cliquish: they wouldn’t cover for her for an important life event, but then they frivolously rearranged their time for whatever shifts were convenient to them. The manager doesn’t manage; sometimes it’s okay to let people arrange their own coverage, but I think some intervention is called for when it’s warranted, as it was in this case. And it sounds like the manager kind of took advantage of the OP (relying on her for all the worst shifts and refusing to make any accommodations in return) because she knew she had few options. The whole situation is simply appalling.

        1. Eplawyer*

          I saw that too. Oh this person always puts the company first so no problem ignoring their needs. They would never quit so who cares how they get treated. Guess op learned it does matter to treat your employees who work hard well.

        2. BWooster*

          The whole “least seniority” policy is such crock of you-know-what too. It’s fine if people with more seniority had first pick of undesirable shifts they need to work, but everyone should be working at least some of these shifts. This burden shouldn’t fall on the shoulders of least senior colleagues only.

          2. Sherry*

            Perhaps the company should look at offering some kind of premium pay for working these unusual hours. For example, some companies will pay an extra $1 or $2 per hour for working overnights or Sundays. Could be worth it if there’s often trouble filling those shifts.

              1. Liz*

                I work in food service, and it’s pretty common for managers to cover a meal for us if we cover a shift on short notice. It’s a nice perk, anyway; who doesn’t like free food?

          3. LCL*

            Seniority works great if the manager does their job. This manager isn’t-having people arrange their own coverage is crap. And will fail spectacularly.

            1. Allisonthe5th*

              I’m not sure about the seniority thing working in this scenario. If the org has a steady flow of employees that stay less than a year, it definitely makes sense to reward some for staying. However, in the scenario where someone with 6 years of perfect attendance is still stuck with the worst shifts Bc of “seniority” that’s definitely broken Bc there is no way for her to get ahead. Ever. Unless EVERYONE else quits! Ridiculous!

              1. Zweisatz*

                Seriously. And I have to wonder if the others aren’t staying partly because they don’t have to take the terrible shifts often. Ironic…

        3. Honeybee*

          Yeah, that’s what I saw, too. It seems to me like this employee didn’t just quit because of the graduation – the graduation was the last straw for her. It seems to me that she felt taken advantage of and maybe overwhelmed and unsupported, and so when she couldn’t even get the time off for her graduation – because no one would switch with her, and because her manager didn’t help her get the time – she just snapped and quit.

        4. catsAreCool*

          It bothers me that the manager said that the people at work are about the only people the young woman has in place of family. I hope the manager is wrong about that too, because these people at work, including the co-workers, don’t seem like much of a family to her.

      4. Joseph*

        “Considering how much easier she makes my life, I will bend over backwards to accommodate her requests. ”
        Exactly. It may sound unfair, but the best employees tend to get more leash than the rest, because the brutal truth is that your all-star employees are what really keeps everything else running smoothly:
        >Your best salesman sells enough teapots that you can still make a profit even if the rest are barely making quota.
        >Your best engineer saves the company money by making small-but-crucial adjustments to the design that others didn’t think of.
        >Your best retail employees make sure things still run smoothly even when someone fakes an illness or shows up hungover and slacks off.

        It’s also worth noting that it’s much easier to replace an average performer than an all-star. You can always find another mediocre customer service rep [insert Comcast joke here]. But finding or developing a great one takes a lot of time and effort.

    9. Artemesia*

      I skipped two of my own graduations and yet am just appalled at the cruelty shown to this excellent worker. A concert ticket is a home free card because there is ‘cost involved’ but celebrating an achievement so impressive for this excellent worker is nothing? Just WOW. I hope she gets a great job and has a great boss. There was unprofessional behavior here, but it wasn’t the graduating employee.

    10. pope suburban*

      A part of me died when I read about the concert tickets. I mean…stinkin’ CONCERT TICKETS? Versus a college graduation after such hardship, while working hard enough to be the company’s best employee? That is just beyond belief. I really have a hard time believing that the whole business would fall apart if this employee came in two hours late (Which, by the way, wow, she wasn’t even asking for the full day off to celebrate) and the manager maybe, maaaayyyybe had to cover some of her duties. This is so needlessly mean, especially when it seems that other employees can get out of a shift for what are pretty minor reasons.

      2. Andy*

        This, and OP saying “Oh and I now I’d like to guilt trip her, so I can get the last word in and still exert a sense of power over her, and pretend it’s under the guise of wanting to be a mentor.”

        2. Big Yellow Taxi*

          OP seems unable to comprehend and/or deal with this employee finally standing up for herself, so his/her gut reaction is to badger her back into her place.

          Yikes.

          Keep walking, Graduate Gal. Don’t look back.

      3. Nic*

        The fact that she wasn’t even asking for a full day off is what blows my mind and says a lot about the kind of employee she was – all she asked for was 2 hrs leeway to be able to attend the actual ceremony, not even the full day to partake in other celebrations. You’re telling me the business couldn’t have survived without her for those 2 hrs? Cause if that’s the case, you’re in deep trouble, since now she’s going to be gone for the rest of forever.

    11. Newby*

      So true. Monetary cost should not be the only consideration. Graduating was a huge accomplishment for her and she will never get the opportunity to attend that ceremony again. She was right to quit since apparently she was not actually valued at that company.

    12. Jen*

      This was my thought. “well so and so paid money for concert tickets so I et them go”

      College is 2748462 times more expensive than a concert, and this employee has been thru hell to get there.

    13. LizC*

      My response to the “there was cost involved” for the concert tickets: you can resell concert tickets. There’s no StubHub for your own college graduation. The OP was definitely taking advantage of the stellar employee not having any family around, because you can bet a lot of parents would have showed up at work to help deliver their child’s resignation letter in this scenario.

      1. dbpb*

        WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN AWFUL – any parents reading: no matter how tempting, do not ever help deliver your adult child’s resignation.

        But yes, your point is an excellent one. :)

      2. Gaia*

        I know you didn’t mean it, but man I wish there was a StubHub for college degrees. I would gladly sell mine and get something different instead.

  4. KT*

    I just…whut?

    OP, your former employee will be fine. She displayed excellent work ethic, went above and beyond, got a degree on her own time and has pride in herself.

    You were way out of line. I absolutely would have quit on the spot too, and explaining WHY she quit to any future employer is going to fix any concerns they have. Any reasonable employer would have allowed her to go to her graduation ceremony. Geez, she was a foster child, homeless, yet somehow your best employee AND got a degree? You should have thrown her a party.

    And the fact that you allowed someone to switch because of concert tickets (?!?!?!?!) just blows my mind.

    Unless you are calling her to grovel and apologize and offer her her job back, leave her alone.

    3. Barefoot Librarian*

      “Unless you are calling her to grovel and apologize and offer her her job back, leave her alone.”

      I couldn’t have put it better myself!

      Seriously though, OP, concert tickets are not more important or more costly than an graduation. Reasonable exceptions are fine, but that one sent a terrible message. This young woman had a lot of money and time invested in her education and succeeded against overwhelming odds. I think you might want to swallow your pride on this one and invite her back.

    4. Sadsack*

      But be prepared to give her a nothing-but-positive reference in the future, no matter what happens if you offer her the job back.

      1. Jess*

        Oh yes. OP, you had better give this amazing woman the best reference of your life after this. She was an outstanding employee and you treated her so, so cruelly.

    5. louise*

      And if the OP does offer the job back (with groveling, of course)? I really hope the newly minted college grad has a better option and can enjoy the satisfaction of turning it down.

      3. Lily Rowan*

        Ooh, I really hope she was planning on quitting shortly anyway (but was just waiting on an offer letter or something), and THAT’s why she quit on the spot!

    7. Artemesia*

      This concert detail ticket makes me wonder if this letter was actually written by the employee or an onlooker rather than the boss who made this heartless and short sighted decision.

      1. Anon Moose*

        Why would they then put the bit in about lecturing the employee about professionalism?

        1. Trout 'Waver*

          I got the same vibe as Artemesia. Why throw in the parts about homelessness, foster system, etc.? They’re not at all relevant. And 6 years is an eternity in a call center. The bit about the lecture is so over that top that it sounds off. But it has to be phrased as a question to be submitted here.

          Honestly, it sounds like it was written by an employee seeking validation for quitting and not by a manager asking for advice.

          1. Koko*

            Because OP thinks the homelessnesss &etc are why she has no sense of professional norms.

            We have been asked to take LWs at their word here and not assume they are lying.

            It seems far more likely to me that someone would just be clueless than for someone to go through the trouble of obscuring their identity when writing in to an anonymous advice column on the internet.

            1. my two cents*

              I’m fairly sure that folks who have endured hardships like that certainly wouldn’t say the hardships were why someone lacked a sense of professional norms. Out of ALL of the possible effects of such an upbringing, why would ‘professional norms’ be the top of the list?! Also, why would the letter be phrased as wanting to dole out more “advice” to the employee who quit? C’mon guys – just assume the letters are real.

              I can’t IMAGINE being that employee – walking out on a job after such a slap in the face and then for the manager to NOT address their error, but instead turn it around that my reaction was only because I ‘wasn’t raised right’ or ‘grew up in a poor household’ or something. You’re minimizing their reaction to YOUR (yes you, OP) bad management by trying to make it about your feelings instead.

              An employee who has been in a role for 6 years understands the ‘professional norms’ of that workplace, and this one even went above-and-beyond the professional norms of that office to out-perform the apparently ‘more senior’ folks.

            3. Lucy*

              Exactly. I have never ever heard anyone from those types of situations (foster care, poverty, etc) speak in that kind of voice. However, as an Asperger’s autistic person who was treated badly by teachers at a segregated Special Ed school, I have heard many of my unfriendly teachers take this sort of tone. Particularly the remarkably Dolores Umbridge-like woman who ran the Transitions department (the department that gave the people at my school work experience, which was one 4-hour day a week and for which we earned a 50-cent “stipend” to see what pay is like – way less than even an elementary-school kid’s allowance, which we could save if we choose; I always did) who had no problem doing such things as arranging a mock-professional event for which a parent needed to sign a permission slip and send in about 14 bucks (these were high-school students, mind you), and then for someone (not me, I’m female and I believe that student was male) who probably forgot to send in the money due to executive functioning problems (after all, that is a special ed school), or else because the family forgot, took away most of that saved stipend (like 14 out of 20 bucks for the whole year) for “fulfilling financial obligations”, when. I mean, come on. How about giving that kid a warning first, before the event? Or, if there is financial trouble in the home, either allowing him to miss the event or simply euphemizing the payment as a “scholarship fund” of sorts. Besides, when a permission slip is signed, it is the parent’s responsibility to provide the funds, provided the parent is unable to afford it. I mean, I can see that if this was a situation in which students were generally expected to front such payments themselves, but doing this when a permission slip is signed for the event? That’s essentially punishing someone for something the parent did. How about just warning him to bring in the money, calling his parents, and, if he forgets, issuing a school consequence? After all, docking a large majority of a year’s stipend when the pay is only 50 cents a week is a mockery; it kind of says that because you forgot something once, your recognition of the year’s training isn’t worth much at all.
              As for me, I once won first place in a Halloween costume contest at school in which a prize was promised for the winner because of a handmade flowering bush costume which, while it was crafted with safety pins and silk flowers from a nursery on a shirt so I would be able to use the shirt again, was quite beautiful if I do say so myself; it took quite a while to make it even so. However, when it came to giving me the prize, no prize was available, not even an IOU for the choice of gift certificates they gave us. Furthermore, every time I asked when they would be getting me the prize, a Barnes and Noble gift certificate I requested out of a number of choices (no more often than once a month, as I believe those administrators would have considered me a pest if I had asked more often, and I also didn’t tell my parents because I believed at the time that that would be “whiny” and “babyish”; you must understand, I had been in schools that treated me this way for all of my school life until college, and I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to be treated this way) they kept saying that they forgot to order it, and in this small school in which “everyone knows everyone else”, they didn’t arrange to order the prize right there when they had time, which they probably did; it would have taken them a few minutes to order it online, even to get it delivered to my home address just to be sure they remembered. I believe most people would agree that if you promise a prize for a well-earned victory, you should give it.
              Furthermore, I helped run a small stuffed-animal drive for the homeless once, which I started by giving away some of my old stuffed animals, yet the description they gave of me at my high school graduation ceremony said nothing about it. What is really gross in retrospect is that they waxed warmly about a bodybuilder-in-training who wanted to be Mr. Universe. I don’t know about you, but a bodybuilder, who is pursuing a goal only for himself that isn’t even related to most careers, should not get more accolades than someone who runs a small charity drive, writing posters, putting out boxes, packing stuffs, whatnot; this type of act is not only not self-aggrandizing, it actually does contain skills (planning, packing, proposing) that could be applicable to careers.
              I’ll say one thing; those people certainly gave me good training in what bad bosses look like. And one of the things I learned about what bad bosses look like is that only bad bosses talk the way the OP does in this letter; no student, poor person, or otherwise unprivileged person talks like this – it would feel like a punch in the gut to type out a letter in this manner, and a person who was treated in an underappreciated fashion, like both I and the employee was for different reasons, would be deathly afraid that people would think the boos they made up was right; if “Ask a Manager” had thought the boss was right and the employee was actually the one who wrote the letter, it would have crushed the employee after all that hard work; as someone who was often bullied by teachers not even including the ones I mentioned here, I know. I would feel the same types of emotions even though my experiences differ from those of the OP. I don’t talk like this manager, either, and I recognize that, while the way I was treated at high school graduation makes such ceremonies meaningless to me, especially since me and my parents are “poor relations” in a fairly well-to-do, 1% but not super-wealthy, family, who went to schools that would be undeniably privileged (one of things that stuck out to me was that I was one of the few students who couldn’t afford to go on a high school trip to Europe because we didn’t have the money) if the teachers had treated me like an adequate human being, and has attended some other fairly fancy ceremonies, that the same kind of ceremony would be deeply meaningful to a person from the foster care system who beat the odds and had never gone to such a fancy ceremony in her life; a ceremony would surely be recognition of that.
              And no, bullying, bad teacher behavior, and emotional abuse are not something that can be excused with privileged luxuries. Nope.

          2. Kate M*

            People keep mentioning that this is a call center, but the letter doesn’t say that. It’s possible that it is, but the letter says that PART of their job is customer support. I definitely know other workplaces than call centers that give customer support sometimes, especially when they launch a new product. So all this speculation about how six years is way too long for a call center isn’t even based in what the letter says.

            1. kyle*

              Exactly — I know someone who works in customer support for a well-known video game company and it sounds a lot like how the OP describes the job; it would be possible to hold onto a job there for 6 years (the person I know has), and it has the product release cycle, as well as a similar …non-employee-oriented… management style, somewhat crazy seniority rules, employees with a range of educational backgrounds, much more complex jobs than simple call-center work, cliques, etc. (I almost wonder if this is the same place or at least the same industry.)

          3. Anon Moose*

            Honestly, if these are the facts of the situation then I think that the advice (and the direction of the sympathy/ comfort) would likely have been the same- supportive of the employee who quit for her graduation. So even in your worst case scenario “its really the quitting employee seeking validation,” I think it doesn’t really matter.

          4. Jayn*

            I think it was a manager looking for validation, feeling vaguely guilty and wanting to justify their decisions.

            (Cost?! FFS there is a HUGE cost to missing graduation for this employee. It’s not financial, But that doesn’t make it unworthy of consideration.)

          5. littlestripes*

            “customer service” doesn’t necessarily mean “call center” though.

        2. Jessica*

          Maybe a second-in-command who is trying to convince the boss not to call up the former employee to deliver the lecture?

          1. OhNo*

            If that’s the case, one can only hope the boss listens.

            No matter who in this situation actually sent the letter, the fact that reader opinions are so unilaterally in favor of the employee really says all anyone needs to know.

      2. Jane Gloriana Villanueva*

        Not to mention that a concert ticket is purchased with full knowledge of the day and time that it is scheduled, so employee had a choice, and knew s/he could get away with this. Graduating employee has no choice in scheduling. Everyone else here has covered every other comment I want to make about the unfairness and lack of professionalism by the LW and the staff, so I won’t pile on, but boy did I tear up reading this letter, and cheer at Alison’s response. I wish New Graduate a lifetime of success and empathy when she eventually becomes a manager, and the letter writer a gentle taste of humble pie. I hope this comment backlash doesn’t fall on deaf ears. Please don’t punish the New Grad further with unsolicited unprofessional advice or a poor recommendation..this was a learning experience all around.

        1. Cactus*

          Yeah, but there’s a good chance that neither the concertgoing employee nor the graduating employee knew that they’d have to work on this day far in advance–the letter says it was out of their ordinary work hours. The concertgoer probably bought the tickets (possibly far in advance) thinking they’d have the day off anyway, and the graduate didn’t alert the boss months and months ahead of time that she’d need that day off because she also assumed that it wouldn’t be a normal working day.
          I don’t think the concertgoer is behaving nefariously here; but they are receiving favoritism from the boss while the graduate is getting the short end of the stick, and that’s really not okay. The boss should know that making fairly last-minute scheduling changes like that might result in some people having previous commitments that they can’t get out of, and should work around that in a way that doesn’t involve some people having to miss graduations.

          2. Jane Gloriana Villanueva*

            It wasn’t clear to me that the concert and the graduation were the same day, hence the first part of my comment. Regardless, poor choice of intervening to reward one employee over another.

            1. Jessica*

              After rereading the letter, my understanding is that both the concert and graduation were on the same day (I think it’s safe to say that both concert and graduation dates were announced months in advance, since those things usually are, whereas the weekend support requirement was made known with much less notice). Both the concert-goer and graduate asked the manager to be excused because of prior obligations, and the manager LW excused the concert-goer while denying the graduate.

        2. Marzipan*

          Yeah, I would agree that someone buying tickets for an event on a day they wouldn’t normally expect to be working could reasonably have assumed they’d be OK. I’ve certainly bought theatre tickets many months in advance before (a year in advance, in the case of Hamlet with Benedict Cumberbatch) and would have been unhappy had someone suddenly decided I was working that day.

          Actually, thinking about it, I booked tickets a few months ago for a play in October, carefully timing it so I’d be past the busy time of year at work… only for them to later casually mention that they’ve moved one of the key events of the year to that day. So I told them that was unfortunate for them but I wouldn’t be working that day. And that’s OK. So I think it was reasonable to adjust the schedule for the concert-goer, but I also (and lots, lots more) think it should have been adjusted for the graduating employee.

      3. lowercase holly*

        same vibe. i don’t think the manager in question would have the self-awareness to write in.

    8. voluptuousfire*

      Agreed! Especially when one can sell concert tickets on Stubhub or other websites. They can recoup their cost rather easily. Someone who came up against such monumental odds to achieve their degree AND was your best employee bar none? Stupid, stupid move, OP.

    9. Sketchee*

      Indeed, the letter could be summed up easily as “I still don’t appreciate my former best employee. I don’t trust her ability to have personal priorities. And I let my team make important scheduling decisions based on popularity or just because they don’t feel like it.”

      It’s actually nice in a way to read a letter from one of the managers we frequently hear about. Just to know that many managers honestly aren’t trained or experienced in seeing from the employees’ perspectives.

    11. Troutwaxer*

      And give her a raise! (Grumble, obscenity, REDACTED, grumble, another obscenity, grumble, outrageously horrible obscenity, blasphemous obscenity, Lovecraftian-ish impossibly blasphemous obscenity, anatomically impossible obscenity, REDACTED, Trump!)

      1. cedar*

        +1000 points to you Troutwaxer for creatively showing your disdain without dreary swear words…as I probably would have. ALL THE POINTS to Alison Green for her response to the OP. I hope the OP reflects on his/her mistake.

        BTW, Why does everyone assume OP is a woman, or that the employer is a call center?

    12. Fafaflunkie*

      I’m pretty sure even VIP passes with a personal meet-and-greet for a concert involving (insert flavour of the week pop star) will cost far less than a college education. Talk about this boss being short-sighted! Shame on her.

    13. stevenz*

      Agree completely with this comment especially “You should have thrown her a party.”

      OP, What you can do to (partially) make it up to her is to give her the kind of reference that you gave in this post when her next employer calls.

  6. jhhj*

    You absolutely deserved it. If she’s such a great employee, you can apologize and invite her to return, and in any case offer to give her a great reference.

    I cannot believe you switched time for someone who had concert tickets but not someone who wanted to go to her graduation ceremony. (Though actually I think you were right for switching times for the first employee, but you should have done this for her also.)

  7. ZSD*

    1) I’m amazed that someone who’s been there for six years could be the least senior team member! This must usually be a great place to work.
    2) Yes, OP, you were clearly in the wrong. College graduations are a big deal. When I got my PhD, my boss actually changed her own vacation plans so that I could fly to attend my graduation ceremony. People work hard to earn degrees – particularly people with difficult backgrounds like your former best employee! – and you should work to help them celebrate.
    You should really offer her the job back, but if for some reason you feel you can’t, please at least offer to be a stellar reference for her in her job search.

    1. ZSD*

      And incidentally, I think it’s crazy that she only asked for two hours off to go to the ceremony! Graduating deserves taking a full shift off, I should think.

      1. Nikki T*

        YES! I was thinking the same thing. She didn’t even want the entire day off, just two hours.

        I … unbelievable.

        1. Observer*

          What’s worse is she wasn’t asking for time of her regular shift, but two hours less OVERTIME!

        2. many bells down*

          That’s what killed me. Two hours and then she planned to come right back in and go to work for you, LW. As your best employee. Who NEVER misses work. And you couldn’t give her two lousy hours.

      2. Sadsack*

        Yeah, I don’t know what this company does, but 2 hours should not be such a big deal.

      3. Natalie*

        Absolutely. I had to travel to mine and I think I took 2 days. And sometimes they’re really long – my ex’s was 6 hours or something like that.

    2. Anxa*

      I was also a little confused by your first point.

      I mean, the job doesn’t sound like one where there’s a clear path to growth with the company for the majority of the workers. It seems odd.

      1. Kit*

        Lots of jobs have no path for growth. I work in a grocery store, and while I am on a management path, many coworkers at my level have been there for 10 years. This is typical for lower and working class careers.

        1. nicolefromqueens*

          But someone, a great employee, who is there six years, in an environment with little room for growth?

          Well, it seems like a fun place to work, what with so many favoritism, I mean friendships!

          1. nicolefromqueens*

            Er, I meant to add that she’s also one of the lowest-senior employees, at 6 years.

        2. Anxa*

          That’s what I mean. This doesn’t seem like a job where everyone will easily rise through the ranks, which is pretty common (it’s certainly been true for everywhere I’ve worked).

          So I assumed that there would be some sort of attrition.

          I had been thinking of seniority as length of tenure, though.

      2. Elinor*

        It could be a “gets you through college” kind of job. A close friend of mine worked at a grocery store to get through college. No growth, but it kept her afloat.

      3. Anxa*

        I think what I failed to consider was that ‘seniority’ was all about actual hierarchy and not time-served. Most orgs I’ve been involved in operated more on a tenure-length based system.

    3. davey1983*

      I use to work for a US federal agency. In my office, I was the most junior person for the entire time I was there– which was about 5-6 years.

  8. JustAnotherHRPro*

    YAAAASSSS!!!

    reading this letter, I resisted the urge to skip ahead to see what Alison would say. It was awesome!!

    1. Mallory Janis Ian*

      Same here. As I was reading the increasingly unbelievable stance that the OP was taking toward the situation, I almost couldn’t finish the letter before needing to peek at Alison’s response. I concur — it was awesome!

  9. LawCat*

    Wow, I would have quit too. Sounds like this excellent employee did everything she could to get coverage and then saw you let an employee take off early for a concert, but wouldn’t let her attend her own graduation. That’s messed up. This is not how you retain your excellent employees as you have now seen.

  10. Leatherwings*

    You showed your best employee zero flexibility when she wanted to celebrate a major milestone that many in her place wouldn’t have accomplished, and you feel like you need to school her on professionalism? She wants to work for an employer who values her, and you didn’t. I would’ve been pissed off and quit too.

    Also you need to fix how you handle coverage – she tried and failed to get people to come in and cover for her and you lost your best employee because of that rigid policy. Find a different way.

    1. Jennifer*

      Clearly the OP’s priorities were being a rules lawyer than pleasing her “best” employee.

    2. nofelix*

      Yeah, it seems like some (lazy?) managers like to have employees arrange their own coverage because it keeps them from being involved, but this is what happens. People with lots of friends at work have more flexibility even if they aren’t the most deserving.

      1. Just Another Techie*

        Nevermind that it’s easier to make friends at work if you aren’t spending your lunch breaks studying, and if you have the time and money for after work drinks with colleagues, etc. The whole deck was stacked against that young woman.

        1. KT*

          That broke my heart. The whole “we let people manage finding someone to cover on their own” means this woman didn’t have a chance. Working and going to school and studying leaves little time to make friends at work, which means she was screwed from the start.

      2. INTP*

        Yeah, it sounds like the OP has an entire lazy system that keeps her from having to spend time on the schedule or make tough decisions. Some weird blanket rule about monetary cost = she never has to choose between Sally’s kid’s kindergarten graduation and Jane’s concert – concert tickets = money! If two people have both invested money in something, I assume the higher monetary investment gets the time off. No need to spend time checking whether the schedule is equally burdensome to everyone, just automatically give crappy shifts to low seniority employees. No arguments about scheduling, you can just dip out of any conflict by saying “it’s policy.”

        1. TootsNYC*

          I wonder if she’d let Sally go to the kindergarten graduation, because there’s a child involved, but would still turn down College Grad’s request.

        2. Seuuze*

          Well doesn’t paying for, and graduating from college when you are working full time cost money? Doesn’t it cost a whole lot more money than concert tickets?? If I were the manager I would have asked some people to cover, but probably would have covered the shift MYSELF, so that she could go to her graduation.

          I went back to school late in life for a graduate degree. I chose NOT to go to my graduation for a whole host of reasons, which were all of my own. And I didn’t attend my undergrad graduation. My choice, and my choice to make. But I wholeheartedly would support one of my employees going. Especially this woman and her past circumstances and how hard she has worked and her stellar work ethic, pitching in and helping out others. I would take her to lunch or dinner for a thank you or give her some sort of public recognition if she didn’t mind.

          Losing great employees is definitely a reflection upon management, and it reflects poorly on the decisions made by the OP.

          This is a great lesson in how to get rid of stellar employees.

      3. BRR*

        I’m not a fan of seniority-based preference most of the time and this is an example of why. I agree that this manager might need to step in more for coverage but I do like how they are hands off to a degree as it gives employees some autonomy. But there are times when you do have to step in like when your employees have things come up and can’t find coverage. It’s perfectly reasonable for your employees to have lives outside of work and as long as it’s not not an everyday occurrence you should help them because that’s how you get/retain good employees and in general you should try to be somewhat compassionate to others. I think the LW should look at how they manage schedules and ask if two hours of coverage was worth losing this employee?

        1. Not the Droid You are Looking For*

          But there are times when you do have to step in like when your employees have things come up and can’t find coverage

          This. I used to manage a student call center and 90% of the time they would work out schedule changes on their own, and the only requirement was that I received an email that said, “this is Sally. Jimmy has agreed to cover my Wednesday, July 6 shift” that Jimmy was copied on.

          But there were definitely days when students couldn’t get coverage, or when half my staff wanted the day off. It was my responsibility to work things out in a way that was equitable.

        2. Stephanie*

          Oof, yeah. Say what you will about TPS reports and mandatory happy hours, but situations like this were why I was thrilled to get away from “find coverage” jobs.

      4. SophieSensation*

        I quit a job where I had to find my own coverage because I got a chronic illness, and if I couldn’t find a co-worker to cover me when I called in sick, it’d be put down as an “unexcused absence.” Fuck that shit.

        1. BRR*

          This reminds me of my high school job in a video store and I was scheduled on a day that I had asked off because I had a marching band competition (that if I missed I would automatically fail the class). The manager did the scheduling (and could not come up with a working system for requesting days off) and said I had to find somebody. Schedules also came out the week before. I can’t remember how it ended but I know I called every employee of the store and they were all busy. I kept my job and made the competition but seriously.

    3. DeadQuoteOlympics*

      I used to supervise college students in a “must have coverage” operation, and if my exemplary employees who came in during other people’s no shows and/or covered undesirable shifts couldn’t arrange coverage for a special event, sometimes *I* covered for them in extraordinary circumstances. A college graduation would have special symbolic meaning to someone who worked her way through the circumstances you describe. You should have made it possible for her to attend however you had to make it happen.

      It really bothers me that you think that the cost of concert tickets is more important than a milestone event in someone’s life. There are more important things than money. This blog is full of posts and comments about how basic human decency and respect at work often outweigh high salaries. You failed to value her hard human achievement over a mere cash outlay for one night’s experience, and that had to hurt your employee.

      Call her, apologize profusely, and offer her the job back as others have said.

      1. Sydney*

        Yeah I don’t get the coverage rule either. Based on seniority? That means it’s always the same people covering? It should be a rotating schedule.

        1. TootsNYC*

          Or, you give the great employees, the ones w/ good ratings (if you have them), or the ones who volunteer for holidays, their pick of shifts in a situation like this. You’re not the best employee? Sorry, bud. Start getting better at your job, and more invested.
          And if your less-good employees start getting annoyed at getting the bad shifts, then they’ll quit. Good, right? You can find someone better.

          1. DeadQuoteOlympics*

            Yeah, my boss at that job used to do 360 reviews and asked the students about their supervisors. An underperforming student said that she thought I played favorites, and my boss said “yeah, her favorites are students that are reliable, take their jobs seriously, and go the extra mile. Funny how that works.”

        2. Joseph*

          I’ve never really understood seniority as a criteria. Mediocre Employee who has been here five years is more deserving than Stellar Employee who’s only been here 4.5 years? Really?

          It’s also worth mentioning that at junior and mid-grade levels, the longest-tenured employees might be the most mediocre – the best employees don’t stay low level for years upon years, because they get promoted out before that.

          1. Milton Waddams*

            In some workplaces, there is an executive track and a non-executive track, and you can’t be demoted out of the one or promoted out of the other, regardless of your talent or lack of talent.

      2. TootsNYC*

        It really bothers me that you think that the cost of concert tickets is more important than a milestone event in someone’s life. There are more important things than money.

        Concert tickets can be resold. Sometimes for a profit.

      4. Biff Welly*

        I had the same thought….the manager could have provided coverage for two hours, especially in recognition of her achievement.

    4. Michael J. "Orange Mike" Lowrey*

      Some people have bizarre ideas of what constitutes “professionalism”. I would be muttering under my breath, “Must restrain Fist of Death!”* if this managerial twit tried to lecture ME about MY lack of professionalism when they had been so boneheaded and full of ingratitude!

      *Dilbert reference

  11. BlurBlur*

    I know this is hard to hear but Alison’s feedback is golden here. I really hope the OP can sit with her comments and I’m sure great comments the community will post and let it sink in. In my experience managing you typically try to help your best employees. It goes a long way with retention and them continuing to put out the amazing work they are known for. Please let this be a learning experience as you move forward in your own career! And please don’t try to reach out with the advice you’re thinking of offering, because she sounds like she knows how to handle professional work just fine. Even with night classes! I hate to say it but some of your tone in that part of your letter was a bit condescending. She wouldn’t be your best employee if she didn’t understand professional norms. No one wants to be put in a spot to quit immediately but it does sound like her only option because you clearly showed her what you valued and it definitely wasn’t her in that moment.

    1. thunderbird*

      The reading of this letter really makes me question if the OP has any standing to be giving advice on professionalism.

      1. BlurBlur*

        I know what you mean. It almost sounds rationilazition to get a last vindictive dig in because the OP is upset how this played out. It doesn’t truly sound like it’s coming from a place of compassion.

        1. teclatrans*

          Totally. “Don’t you walk away from me! You’ll rue the day! You hurt yourself more than me!!” Etc.

        2. Anon Moose*

          +1. It sounds like the manager is angry and stressed about losing someone at this critical time and trying to make it the employee’s (or their background’s) fault. Its not. The manager needs to step back and reflect on the management that led to this last straw quitting, question whether there were also more factors father back than this one (albeit egregious) incident and try to ensure that they do not lose more good employees in this fashion.

        3. Petronella*

          Yes, we`ve had a couple of those here – managers who just can`t let their employees go. Do they really think anyone`s going to agree with them and tell them it`s an awesome idea to phone up their former victim to harangue them some more?

      2. Oh mylanta*

        I read somewhere once that some people are taught “Respect” means “treat with kindness” and others are taught it means “defer to my authority.” The latter is most extreme in fascist societies and would not be surprised to find out this person lives in the deep south or Texas, where the “overseer” mentality in management lingers. This manager seems to believe that deferring to her authority is the same as respect to the point that after the employee has quit, she must go after the person to “teach them respect.” It sounds like this person is a Kim Davis waiting to happen and needs a lot of therapy and management classes.

        1. Mallory Janis Ian*

          My husband works in QA at a factory where this “overseer” attitude about management persists. All the managers are guys who have worked there since graduating high school and they always promote from within. So guys who have worked on the floor for twenty years and then get promoted to management are suddenly acting as if they are the final authority on *everything*, as if their promotion from the floor to the front office came with a 50-IQ-point endowment.

    2. TootsNYC*

      you clearly showed her what you valued and it definitely wasn’t her in that moment.

      It definitely wasn’t her work either.

  12. The Cosmic Avenger*

    I bet putting herself through college cost a lot more than that concert. While the degree wouldn’t have been rescinded if she didn’t attend (the parallel being that the concert tickets are worthless if you can’t go), a portion of your tuition and fees goes towards the college’s overhead, which they use to pay for events like graduation that aren’t covered directly by tuition. So however you look at it, there was definitely “a cost involved” for the employee in question.

    2. nofelix*

      Grad ceremonies often do have costs. Gown rental, tickets for family members, photos. Some of these are charged in advance.

    3. Barefoot Librarian*

      Agreed, not to mention that the graduation ceremony probably did have actual costs to the employee involved. You need to purchase or rent robes, cap, and assorted regalia MONTHS out and it’s not refundable.

    4. Serena*

      BTW College costs WAY more than concert tickets. Shame on you OP! Degrees take blood, sweat and tears! And a whole lot of gumption, especially if you are doing it on your own. The employee did the right thing! She will do just fine without your “help.”

    5. TootsNYC*

      (the parallel being that the concert tickets are worthless if you can’t go)

      But they can also be resold. Sometimes for a profit.

    6. Sketchee*

      I also think employees don’t have to justify to employers what is personally important to them. “I need time off for a personal obligation.” It’s important to me. For me, that’s enough and the fairest system is built for that.

      It’s not really my boss’s business what the details are. Even if it is often nice of us to explain why it’s a last minute obligation. Or that we wish our graduation didn’t come in at an inconvenient time.

      The employee did the right thing. This probably isn’t the first time in those six years and it’s built up to this

  13. Lucy (London)*

    That employee is smart, determined, hardworking, reliable and independent. She’ll be fine. She certainly doesn’t need a lesson from you, OP. She’s the one making good choices here.

  14. 12345678910112 do do do*

    OP, don’t you DARE give this person a bad recommendation when potential new employers call. Tell them all about how she was your best employee and you’re sad to lose her.

    2. Dot Warner*

      +1. OP, you’re very lucky to have had someone like this woman on your team. She’s been dealt enough bad hands in her life; you have no right to add to that.

  15. Wakeen's Teapots, Ltd.*

    Are you kidding me?

    I would have worked the two hours for her myself.

    I can’t even…………..

      1. Wakeen's Teapots, Ltd.*

        Come to think of it, I literally just did. Friday, a few of my key customer facing folks all needed vacation for various reasons (one of them, Trip to Hawaii), so I covered the customer service in box myself.

        They are valued employees AND my fingers aren’t broken.

        I still can’t even.

        1. The Optimizer*

          Same here – just in the last week alone, I’ve covered customer service because a single mom wanted to take her son out for a birthday dinner and for another with a very sick pet, the latter coming during our busiest period of the month.

          It’s what I would want someone to do for me in the same situation.

      2. Lauren*

        That was my first thought too. I would have done that. Maybe the OP thinks doing staff work is beneath her.

      3. Morning Glory*

        I’m actually wondering this myself since it wasn’t mentioned in the letter. If it turns out the manager did not work that day at all, I think my head might explode.

        1. AshleyH*

          Exactly. My husband is in senior management for a retailer that keeps small staffs. He had a store in his zone that had three of the seven shift employees get the flu, one get appendicitis, all while the store manager was on vacation. Do you know what he did? He went and worked a 13 hour shift on the floor event thought that many positions “under” him because that’s what you do as a good manager to support your employees.

      4. Bag of Jedi Mind Tricks*

        +1 I was was thinking that myself–why didn’t the OP cover for the employee. And it was just going to be for about 2 hours. OP, if you do call her, offer her the job back (but don’t be surprised if she turns you down)

    3. Hello Felicia*

      I would have worked for her too, wherever she works.

      I have absolutely done this for our team when no one else is able to provide coverage and I’m not the immediate supervisor. If it’s important to them, it’s important to me and I’ll find a way to make it happen even if it’s during our busiest time.

    4. Sarahnova*

      DUDE. SERIOUSLY.

      I am as close to speechless as I’ve ever been on reading this site. Pot-plant sh*tters, petitioning interns, Hanukkah balls, fine, but this?

    5. MashaKasha*

      That crossed my mind too. When my last ex and I were together, I saw him do this once. He owned a set of stores that he had just opened less than a year before, and we only got to see each other on his one day off a week. One time he came to my place late in the evening, and left the next morning, because his employee’s kid was in the ER and they could not get anyone else to cover – he drove straight to that store and filled in for that employee himself. I thought of that incident right away when I read OP’s letter. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it has been done by others in the past. That’s what you do if you want to be known as a quality leader. That’s how you get people to be loyal to you, instead of quitting on the spot.

    6. HRish Dude*

      Hell, I would have worked the two hours for one of my WORST employees if it was for this.

    7. BananaPants*

      I would have done the same, and probably bought a cake for her when she came into the office just in case she didn’t have anyone to celebrate the achievement. Good for her for telling the boss and the company to go screw themselves.

      1. Christopher Tracy*

        That would have been sweet. And thoughtful. I’m just shaking my head at the thought process that was displayed here.

  16. March*

    OP, you say that you allowed an exception for someone one who had concert tickets because there was cost involved. Consider: getting a college degree also has cost involved, usually a fair bit more than concert tickets.*

    This employee was totally within her right to quit. I have friends who are waiting to hear back on whether they have their vacation approved so they can go get married, and have said that if it isn’t approved then they’ll just quit. Big events – graduation, weddings, the like – should be the exceptions above anything else.

    *Obviously there are places and countries where a higher education is free to citizens, but I’m going off the assumption that OP is in America, where it usually is not.

    1. Naomi*

      Yes–this is a once-in-a-lifetime event for this employee! Of course she’s going to prioritize it over work.

    2. INTP*

      Plus there are situations where even if a cost isn’t involved yet, the request for time off is just much more important than a concert. It’s just a lazy, conflict-avoidant rule. Would a doctor’s appointment not be granted because someone still had time to reschedule without a fee? Would a concert take priority over someone’s family emergency, burst pipe, spouse in labor?

    3. Lissa*

      The mention of the concert tickets was just…weird, why even mention that? Like, every detail in this letter seems to point to putting everybody on the employee’s side! Even the unnecessary “added” details that are usually things OP puts in there to justify themself!

      1. learningToCode*

        I assume the extra details were to justify it… kind of like “See, I’m not the bad guy, I help out people! I just couldn’t this time.” Not in those exact words, but in that same way.

  18. Apollo Warbucks*

    Yeah Op not to pile on but you really messed up with the way you treated your employee.

  19. Jared*

    I’d also like to point out that this employee made a more than generous concession. Rather than asking for an entire day off (perfectly reasonable, most people would want to celebrate with friends and family) she only asked for 2 hours in the morning so she could be part of her own ceremony and then come straight to work.

    Failing to recognize this makes me feel like you have no real understanding of what reasonable expectations are for your employee. While I personally wouldn’t have quit in this scenario. If would have made it clear in no uncertain terms that coming in to work during the ceremony was not an option, and if I was told I would be fired I would then have resigned on the spot. This is my own choice though, in this case I do think she was justified in quitting as she quite accurately realized that a job that rewards 6 years of exemplary work by not letting her take 2 hours off for her college graduation ceremony is not a place that is worth working at. Or giving the professional courtesy of a notice, given that you gave no courtesy whatsoever.

    1. nofelix*

      Indeed, asking for two hours means that most likely she was going to miss most of the event. She may have even had to pull some strings to be at the front of the line to receive certificates. Grad ceremonies take way more than two hours. I think my last one was more like six once all was said and done.

      1. Cafe au Lait*

        Often departments will have a mini, two-hour graduation ceremony that is held in the morning with the college-wide graduation being held in the afternoon. Departmental graduations are when honors are conferred, and awards given.

        It sounds like this employee WAS skipping the college-wide graduation, and only planning on attending her smaller departmental graduation ceremony.

        1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          That’s how things went at my university, and for bonus points, the department ceremony was also when the diploma was awarded. It was a lot more meaningful than sitting under the sun for however long listing to a mediocre commencement speech for the entire graduating class.

        2. Amber*

          Depending on what her work day is, maybe the graduation would indeed have been finished by then? For instance if your grad is at say 11 AM and will be done by 5 PM, and your normal workday is 4 PM to midnight, her asking to come in at say 6 PM would indeed mean she wouldn’t miss any of it.

          Still though, I wouldn’t want to go to my grad and then go straight to work.

    2. Aubergine Dreams*

      This! You provided her with no courtesy at all, she does not owe you the courtesy of giving you notice.

    3. many bells down*

      “a job that rewards 6 years of exemplary work by not letting her take 2 hours off for her college graduation ceremony is not a place that is worth working at.”

      Quoted for truth. Right there.

  20. Catalyst*

    There is a substantial cost involved in a college graduation!!! It was put in over many years, and was not just monetary. To consider this to be less important than someone attending a concert just blows my mind. I would have quit as well.

    This is absolutely a mistake on the OP’s part, not the employee’s part. I think the employee is owed an apology and a glowing recommendation for her search for future employment.

  21. Phouka*

    Wow. Yes, OP, you were absolutely wrong, and your idea that you behaved well and professionally and this employee did not is even worse. If this is how you treat your “best employee/go-to person”, I am appalled. A college graduation is not a minor thing, certainly more important than a concert that you happily worked around.

    Call and sincerely apologize that you were totally, utterly, unbelievably insensitive and wrong, and please, rethink your idea of managing good employees.

  22. Engineer Girl*

    You made an exception for a lower performing employer but not for her. You placed priority on a single event that cost money vs a MAJOR LIFE EVENT. You forced her to accept the scheduling burden when it was your job to schedule. And oh, BTW, you allowed others to switch based on friendships and alliances as opposed to needs of coworkers. Oh, and you insist on treating employees the same (even though you didn’t in practice) though they don’t perform the same. You insist that your employee act professionally even when you don’t.
    I anyone deserved to lose a high performer it would be you. I would have done the same thing. And now that she’s graduated I’m sure she’ll get a better job.

    1. HRJeanne*

      This is what they mean when they say “people don’t leave jobs, they leave managers”. Please change these practices and make it your goal to keep quality employees. I would hire your “go-to” employee in a minute.

    2. Jayn*

      The concert ticket completely broke the letter for me. Up until that point the LW just sounded too hands off/rules lawyer-y. (Still handling things badly but in somewhat understandable ways) At that point they turned into a straight up jerk.

      1. Elsajeni*

        I thought the same thing. Up to that point — garden-variety lousy manager. This sort of overly-strict interpretation of rules and “if I make an exception for you I have to make one for everybody” thinking is crappy, but unfortunately it’s pretty common in customer service jobs, and it’s at least semi-understandable in that it’s all about making life less complicated for the manager. But “I made an exception for someone who had concert tickets” — NOPE.

      2. AnonAnalyst*

        Yeah, this was what changed things for me, too. But even after that point, I still had hope that the OP’s question would be something along the lines of “was this the right thing to do?” or “could I have done anything differently to keep her?” thus redeeming OP a bit once she saw how things had played out with her top-performing employee.

        But nope! The OP instead went to a weird place of wanting to educate Stellar Employee about professional norms since she had quit with no notice. I actually applaud Stellar Employee’s restraint in the way she handled the resignation, because if my manager actually told me that my coworker’s concert tickets took priority over my college graduation, I probably would have resigned in a much less professional manner…

        …By the way, to provide perspective for the OP, I actually skipped both my undergrad and grad school graduation ceremonies because I thought they were a complete waste of time, but I’m totally outraged by this letter, so yes, it is that bad.

        1. Christopher Tracy*

          I actually applaud Stellar Employee’s restraint in the way she handled the resignation, because if my manager actually told me that my coworker’s concert tickets took priority over my college graduation, I probably would have resigned in a much less professional manner…

          I would have flipped a desk. Something. Rage quitting Jet Blue-style would have been completely understandable in this situation.

  23. K.*

    … There was “cost involved” with the concert tickets. Okay. But … college isn’t free. Neither is all the stuff that goes with a graduation – I had to rent my cap and gown, for example.

    But even that is beside the point! Of COURSE she quit on the spot, and good for her. You treated her badly. When you treat people badly, they tend to leave. It wouldn’t surprise me if you lose other employees over this, and you’ll deserve it. I know I’d start looking if I were one of the other employees. You are now on the record as the kind of manager who thinks it’s good practice not to make a very, very reasonable accommodation for someone who, by your own admission, was your best employee. You’re the one who looks bad here, not the employee. My God.

    (It’s also interesting to me that someone who had been there for six years had low seniority, but in fairness I don’t know about that workplace.)

    1. Leatherwings*

      Good point on how this will look to other employees. Word WILL travel about this.

    2. INTP*

      Wow, I somehow missed the concert tickets thing on my first skimming.

      Quite frankly, between the other people trading shifts with each other and refusing to trade with the employee, and the OP granting exceptions for a freaking concert and not a college graduation, it almost seems like the OP was being bullied. Maybe no one meant it that way and they were all just oblivious, idk. But this work environment seems bad enough for the OP that quitting on the spot was justified.

      1. vivace*

        Yes, it honestly makes me wonder what else this young woman put up with in the 6 years she was employed there. How fitting she quit on her graduation day since she now (hopefully) has the credentials to find a better job.

        1. Laura*

          There’s no way this was a totally isolated incident. I suspect that this was a toxic workplace, or at least a toxic manager.

      3. Qestia*

        I agree – on top of the manager’s inflexibility it was the cruelty of her coworkers that stunned me – not one person who’d worked with her for six years would cover for her? That would have been what made me quit – knowing not one person there would inconvenience themselves slightly to help me.

        1. Seuuze*

          I loved that the woman handed in a list of each date she worked overtime and covered for someone else. She was smart to do that. The workplace sounds like she might have been shunned for asking her co-workers for help with just TWO hours off. I am so glad she quit. She might have been the best worker there, but there was no appreciation of her efforts.

          I am cheering her on from afar, and fully support her decision to quit on the spot. How is it that a manager does not and would not understand what we humans call “Life Cycle” events?? Events that so clearly and obviously trump work. We do not live to work, but rather work to live. I wouldn’t want to work for anyone who doesn’t value my life outside of the workplace where I actually “Live”.

          The manager’s attitude is what is wrong with the typical American workplace.

      4. Mallory Janis Ian*

        That’s what I thought, too. It seems like the employee potentially was either being actively bullied/isolated, or at the very least treated with extreme disregard. I can’t help but think that she was treated that way precisely because of her disadvantaged position. I think the manager knew that she had few choices or alternatives in her life, and so what was she going to do about poor treatment. I could be wrong about this, but that’s the sense I got when reading the letter.

        1. I'm a Little Teapot*

          That’s exactly where my mind went: OP treats this employee like garbage *because* she knows she’s in a tough situation. And then expects her to be grateful for being employed at all.

          I once worked for a very dysfunctional small business thay made a habit of hiring recent college grads with few other prospects, the formerly homeless, or in one case a homeless recent college grad – and then paying them below minimum wage and feeding them a lot of sanctimonious bullshit about how generous and ethical they were. They also would tell anyone who was quitting that “we’re doing you a favor – you’re not good enough to get a job anywhere else” and that all the other companies out there were evil and greedy. I think OP is deliberately taking advantage of this person, because I’ve seen that kind of behavior myself.

          1. Colorado CrazyCatLady*

            My work place is like this too, only using people who speak no English instead. Same attitude – about doing them a favor and how generous they are because of it.

    3. FCJ*

      The seniority thing could be because she didn’t want promotions. Maybe more senior positions wouldn’t be flexible with her schooling in the same way, or maybe she just didn’t want the responsibility of management at that point in her life. Even if her lack of technical seniority was totally voluntary, though, her tenure deserved recognition, when it sounds like all it got her was, “Oh, ask Jane to stay late. She’s always good for a couple of extra hours.”

      1. Ann Onymous*

        The seniority thing could have also been meant company wide, as opposed to just that department. I have worked in my department for the longest but all three of my co-workers have been with the company for way longer than I have.

    4. jhhj*

      Eh, the other employees sound kinda like jerks who will take but not give with this person, they might not care.

      1. Perse's Mom*

        They’ll care a great deal the next time they need someone to cover for them and the one person who would have done so is no longer there.

    5. aebhel*

      This. This is exactly how you lose high performers. I would have quit on the spot too, regardless of whether I had other options.

  24. Lucky Star*

    What was communicated to this young woman was how little she matters to the OP and her coworkers. No one can reciprocate this one time and cover for her as she celebrates a significant milestone that she achieved with little if any outside support?

    This is a young woman with a lot of drive that should be nurtured. She sounds like a star in the making.

  25. FCJ*

    She was there for six years, was your best employee, and she was junior? I’d quit just over that. Even if she chose not to go for promotions (which wouldn’t be surprising, if she was focusing on school), after that amount of time she deserves some kind of consideration from her superiors.

    1. Pwyll*

      Sounds to me like the usual call center environment where seniority is measured only in years, not in performance. Terrible.

      1. Jasper*

        Except that it almost can’t be measured in years — there’s no way I’ll believe that in six years, the whole department, let alone the whole company, hasn’t hired a single new person. Not with the sort of company that has at least two layers of management (because there’s no way this manager is also an owner…) and that suddenly needs extra weekend openings.

        1. Cara*

          It sounds like seniority was calculated in part by education and possibly initial hired position…you know, “Customer Service Rep I” rather than “Customer Service Rep III”.

  26. Hermione*

    I’m so baffled by this. Spot on advice, Alison. I hope OP reads well, and listens.

  27. Gandalf the Nude*

    I read the title and thought, “Surely, there is some twist in her that makes this less awful than it seems at first blush.” But my jaw literally fell open the further into this letter I read.

    OP, I’m floored that you didn’t make an exception for this amazing woman, who you otherwise seem to hold in high regard. A degree is a huge investment, monetarily, time commitment-wise, and emotionally, especially for someone who’s apparently had the cards stacked against her for so long. That’s the person you should have accommodated. And PS, did the person who bought those concert tickets check with you before making that purchase? Seems silly to help out someone who didn’t consider the impact on your schedule rather than someone who’s shown herself to be so reliable and competent.

    I’m proud of your ex-employee, and I hope she finds a job where good judgment wins out and employees are treated well when they’re highly-valued.

    1. Michael J. "Orange Mike" Lowrey*

      I find myself wondering if the OP is concealing from themself the fact that they are prejudiced against the employe (racial, ethnic, class, whatever) and feel that the Stellar Employee should be grovelingly grateful to be allowed to work with “normal” people? The stench of condescension that reeks from the letter makes me suspicious.

    3. Not the Droid You are Looking For*

      Do you think she could just link to this letter in the “Reason for leaving” section?

      2. Mallory Janis Ian*

        I wish she would see the letter and all the people who are on her side and who think her accomplishment is something worth cheering for and rewarding.

        3. The Strand*

          Have been thinking the same thing. perhaps, OP, you could, when apologizing to her, send her a link to this. So she knows that hundreds of people have her back on this.

  29. Myrin*

    Oh my. Alison gave a great answer I agree with 100%. I really do not see any reason for why you weren’t willing to sacrifice these two hours (!) once in the six years (!!) she’s been working with you as your top performer (!!!). And I say that as someone who thinks graduation ceremonies don’t mean anything and who is also pretty rules-following most of the time, so, well.

  30. Snarkus Aurelius*

    Here’s where you really screwed up, OP:

    “After she asked around, some people who were not scheduled for the overtime did switch shifts with other people (but not her) and volunteered to take on overtime from others who were scheduled, but these people are friends outside of work, and as long as there is coverage I don’t interfere if people want to give or take overtime of their own accord.”

    The system isn’t based on fairness but rather who has friends there, and you openly say that you wash your hands of it…unless the person has the potential for a monetary loss?  

    Not only have you set up a system where one or more people could be taken advantage of by another domineering employee(s), but it’s contingent upon being friends and currying favor rather than redistributing the burden evenly so no one person/group continually suffers/benefits.  In this case, it was this employee who suffered because she received no benefit from going above and beyond.

    Does it really not bother you that this employee did her more than her part for six years and for what?  Only to be denied going to her college graduation because you didn’t want to step up?  Were you really unaware of all the times that she did step up?

    More importantly, is the type of office culture you want to foster?

    1. JMegan*

      “After she asked around, some people who were not scheduled for the overtime did switch shifts with other people (but not her) and volunteered to take on overtime from others who were scheduled, but these people are friends outside of work…

      This caught my eye as well, and it infuriates me that not only did the OP refuse her the time off, but it sounds like all her coworkers did as well? @#$@#% that @#%@!!%$, and I’d have walked out too in her position. She deserves much better than that, both from her boss and from her peers.

      OP, I think the ship has sailed for your former best employee, even if you do call her and offer her the job back. But this is now a good opportunity to take a look at your remaining employees, and the way your shifts are scheduled (and rescheduled), as well as an office culture that allows an entire group of people to deny someone time to go to her graduation.

      1. Lana Kane*

        Agree completely. In the employee’s shoes, the refusal for time to attend my graduation would have been only one of the things that would have driven me to quit. This whole situation is a shining example of why people become so jaded in the workplace.

      2. Riki S*

        Unfortunately, this kind of crap run rampant in the service industry. I worked these types of job during college and for a few years after. It was a nightmare with some managers, who would schedule you, even though you requested time off far in advance. I remember having to spend hours finding someone to cover a shift during my finals, and also my sister’s wedding (which I got fired for, because no one would take my shift.) Honestly, I see those managers now as being lazy and rigid.

    2. AnonyMeow*

      I completely agree.

      Nobody (including the OP) was willing to cover for her for two hours even though she’s covered for them on many occasions. The OP mentions that this employee was her go-to for weekend and holiday coverage. Combining these two points, I’m sensing an unhealthy buddy culture that has been taking advantage of this employee for a long time. This feels like a culture that only cares about those in the clique, at the expense of those who are left out, and the manager sanctions, and benefits from, the uncaring behavior of the clique.

      The denial of 2 hours off for attending her graduation was probably just the last straw for the employee. I’ve seen this system a lot in retail and hospitality, so it may feel like a normal thing to do, but if I was in the OP’s position, I’d reflect on what kind of culture the “find your own coverage” rule is creating, and my part in sustaining that.

      1. TootsNYC*

        I feel like there’s also a long-standing culture of “screw over the newbie,” which leads to some pretty entitled attitudes on the part of the crew that’s been there a while.

        That’s also why this woman, the screwed-over newbie, is the best performing.
        • She’s been trying to curry the approval and support of her manager–and that didn’t work.
        • The old-timers are slacking off, because there’s no incentive to do a good job; they don’t get assigned to work weekends and holidays, because the newbie gets it all the time.

      3. DoDah*

        I would agree that there’s much more likely to encounter a culture of bullying in retail, hospitality and call centers. I have a ton of empathy for the OP’s employee. 100 years ago, in my retail days–the “find your own coverage” rule wasn’t based around seniority–but whether or not you had children. I did not–so for 5 years I worked 7AM-10PM (they called them Iron Days) on every single Saturday–so that those who met the requirements could have the day off. I finally worked up the courage to say something to my District VP. When he asked the Ops Manager why she did this her response was, “Oh–she volunteered.”—Reader–I didn’t…

      4. Carpe Librarium*

        My heart is breaking for all the times this employee had to sacrifice off-hours study time to cover for unappreciative colleagues.

    3. Anon Accountant*

      Exactly. I hesitate to phrase it this way but it sounds like a cliquish environment in the making. I’m sorry but sometimes coworkers need to suck it up and help out by covering for others even if they aren’t friends.

    4. Jeanne*

      The manager has set up a terrible system and needs to re-evaluate the whole thing. Scheduling should never rely on who is friends with anyone. And the lowest seniority ALWAYS getting the crappy shift no one wants is also ridiculous. Why would anyone want to be that person? And now that your high performer is gone, you’re going to take the next lowest seniority, who hasn’t had to do the crap work, and tell her to do it. You’re about to have your whole dept fall apart.

      1. Snarkus Aurelius*

        Given the current set up, one of two things is going to happen:

        1) If this star employee was constantly the go-to person for emergencies and all the shifts no one else wanted, which is implied in the letter, then the scheduling is going to turn into the Hunger Games where no one wants to take the bad shifts and employees are pressuring others (prioritizing the ones who aren’t in the “In” crowd) to do so.

        2) The unpopular shifts and schedule changes will fall to the next lowest ranked person in the social scene of this office.

        Either way, OP, this is what happens when you rely on one or a small group of people to do the crap work that no one else wants. 

        Ironically, it’s the people with cush schedules who are the ones who always got their way, not your employee who just quit.

      2. Linda*

        I agree. What kind of system makes the person with the lowest seniority take all of the holidays and bad shifts? The “pain” should be spread around. I have a lot of long term employees and every year when the requests for holidays go up they tell me (they say they are kidding) that as a long term employee they should get all holidays off this year. I tell them that I will take it under advisement and that when I stop working holidays, as the manager, I will consider their request. End of discussion. However, when I do the schedules if I have to chose between two people; hard work always wins over seniority. The way this system was set up allowed the graduates co-workers the “right” to tell her no and then trade with each other. It also put her in a “have to” position whenever asked to work by others. They took advantage of her. I also allow trading of shifts but if everyone had refused to work and then started trading, I would have told a person who had just volunteered to work for another that since they are now “available” to work, they would be working for the graduate and their friend would still have to work her shift. Besides, the minute the graduate told me she was graduating I would have given the day off to her and worked it for her. Let’s be human here.

    5. Lora*

      THIS.

      OP, here is what you should have done in the situation: Put your Annoyed Manager face on. March into the break room or wherever the clique + various and sundry other employees who might be willing to cover, are congregated. Announce, “I need someone to cover (two hours on Day X). You can volunteer or I can choose someone. Hands up who wants the shift.” If nobody volunteers, you pick the leader of the Mean Girls and say, “you, Regina, will be working on Day X from (time) to (time). See you then.” March out, making it clear this is the final decision.

      Next, you go to the local supermarket and order a sheet cake that says “Congratulations Best Employee Ever!”, half vanilla half chocolate and has, you know, a picture of a graduation cap or whatever on it. This is to be delivered on Day X. Buy a card that says “congratulations New Graduate” on it, and carry it around to various colleagues and tell them to sign it. Before the shift starts on Day X, go out and buy some balloons and ice cream and put them in the break room. When the Best Employee Ever shows up two hours late, tell everyone to meet in the break room for an important announcement. When Best Employee Ever walks in, present her with the card and tell her congratulations for her amazing achievement and say how she is the best employee ever and how you are so SO proud of her and the example she sets for everyone else. Shake her hand and then applaud for her and glare around the room at the clique until EVERYONE applauds.

      Then, you let her cut the first piece of cake and scoop out some ice cream, serve everyone cake and ice cream. Then you all go back to work.

      That’s it. That is how you handle these things. Now you know.

      2. OlympiasEpiriot*

        Yup. I’d also be tempted to be one of THOSE managers and demand everyone chip in for a visa gift card.

      5. Troutwaxer*

        Thank you. Perfect.

        And for the O.P., call your employee, apologize, offer her job back and GIVE HER A RAISE!

  31. INTP*

    *Applauds*

    While quitting on the spot because you don’t get your way is generally not professional, neither is managing in such a way that schedule flexibility is a popularity contest. It wasn’t just about getting her way one time. It was made clear that between her lack of seniority and apparent lack of having a large number of buddies to trade with, under the OP’s system, this job was ALWAYS going to have rigid, undesirable schedules with zero flexibility for her. Obviously she was going to quit at some point, no one is going to deal with that for years until they develop seniority. You are only going to retain employees with the political skills to get what they want without seniority. Why should she wait until she has missed her graduation ceremony, a moment she will remember for the rest of her life, just to give a little more notice at this job?

    Maybe sometimes letting employees work schedules out amongst themselves works out. I think more often it’s an excuse for lazy scheduling. In this case, before the graduation issue even the OP should have figured out that it was becoming a popularity contest and worked out a more equitable way.

    1. INFJ*

      The fact that OP characterized this as her quitting because she “didn’t get her way” is baffling. She didn’t quit because she “didn’t get her way,” she quit because she was undervalued by her unreasonable manager.

      1. Jeanne*

        Yes. She quit because her manager rewarded all her hard work by treating her as a servant. I am impressed she was able to quit without ranting at the manager. I don’t know if I could have kept my cool.

        1. TootsNYC*

          Well, she did sort of rant:

          An hour later, she handed me her work ID and a list of all the times she had worked late/come in early/worked overtime for each and every one of her coworkers.

          But that’s a pretty professional rant! Huge applause for her.

          1. Violet Fox*

            Over 6 years, that has to be quite a list! Sounds like she didn’t just quit over the graduation thing, but also because it sounds like she was generally taken advantage of and this was just the last straw.

          2. MJ (Aotearoa/New Zealand)*

            The mental image of her taking an hour to write up every single instance of overtime she’s worked over a six-year period is genuinely beautiful. I don’t know this woman but, my God, I want to hug her. What a hero.

              1. MJ in IL*

                I suspect that such an organized person as GraduateGal would have to be–in order to have successfully juggled a job, college studies, and general life stuff–might well have been keeping a spreadsheet of scheduled hours/worked hours/who she’d taken a shift for, etc. Thus, the documentation was easy to lay hands on and present to JerkManager.

            2. Peter Brülls*

              I don’t the the problem. While I’m a salaried worker and quite satisfied with the hours I keep, I also have to clock in and out, so the company can keep track of overtime and the likes, especially since the general rules is to be there at 9:00 at the latest and to leave not before 15:00, though the latter isn’t strictly adhered to.

              But I do keep a separate log of the times I keep in and save the log I get from the company and balance both at the end of the month.

              With Excel or a simple Database it’s simple to create such a list, especially if she made a habit to mark extra shifts.

            3. jlg4880*

              I wonder if receiving the LW’s cold refusal, she returned to her desk and the disappointment rapidly transitioned into anger. Maybe looking at that readily compiled list was enough to cause to decide: “Who needs this?”

              As a number of other commenters have observed, this refusal on the part of the manager could’ve been the proverbial final straw.

      2. INTP*

        Exactly. I mean I guess technically, she quit because she didn’t like the decision that was made or how decisions were being made – but so is everyone who quits because they can find a higher salary or better schedule flexibility elsewhere. I doubt this is the only time that the highly inflexible scheduling system has inconvenienced her, it’s just the only time she has fought it. Who wants to work somewhere that they will never, ever have the flexibility to attend an important life event (unless said life event involves prepaid tickets, apparently)?

    2. Naomi*

      This touches on a point that I don’t think anyone else has mentioned, because we all agree that the employee was justified in quitting on the spot. But if the graduation ceremony was less than two weeks away, giving the usual amount of notice would mean she would still have to work that day. Quitting without notice was the only way she could guarantee she’d be able to go.

      1. TootsNYC*

        I think that she also wanted to send a big message.

        That was a huge betrayal from her manager. Even if 2 weeks would have been enough time for my last day to be the day right before, I might have done this, simply to make sure there were “punitive damages.”

        1. Mallory Janis Ian*

          Plus, once she was treated the way that her manager and coworkers treated her, what was the point in spending even one more minute in those terrible circumstances? They took everything she had to give and she was, rightfully to my mind, done.

          1. JMegan*

            Yes, I’m betting she was halfway out the door anyway, and this situation just encouraged her to leave a bit earlier than she had planned. OTOH, how many of us actually do get to have a “take this job and shove it” moment with our terrible managers? I mean, obviously it’s not the preferred way to go out, but given the circumstances, I bet it was very cathartic for her.

            1. TootsNYC*

              Think of the story she gets to tell in the future! It’s one piece of the silver lining here.

  32. 2 Cents*

    Sounds like this employee realized just how much value being the “best worker by far” got her at this place of employment. Hope she finds somewhere that truly appreciates her!

  33. Rusty Shackelford*

    Somebody in this scenario definitely needs to be more professional, but it’s not who you think it is, OP. You’ve set up a system where only people who make friends with their coworkers outside of work are likely to get out of problematic shifts. You’ve set up a system where you judge whether someone should get out of a shift based on your personal interpretation of how important their other obligation is, and your personal interpretation is based on factors such as whether they’ve already spent money on tickets (but not, as others have pointed out, spent money on obtaining a degree). You’ve set up a system where you not only feel completely justified after losing your best employee for no good reason, but you feel it would be appropriate to harangue her further. She did so much for you, and this is how you rewarded her performance. You’ve really, really bungled this whole managing situation IMHO, and I hope your former employee is reading.

    1. TuxedoCat*

      You took the words out of my mouth. It’s bad enough what happened but that the letter writer thinks it’s a good idea to send a letter scolding the former employee, especially given the employee’s outstanding work record and the hurdles the employee overcame in their personal life.

      LW, I hope you learn from this.

      1. Bandit1970*

        If I were the OP’s manager and found out that s/he let one of our best employees quit on the spot because of their poor decision making skills, there would be some strict consequences handed down.

  34. Kelly L.*

    Sometimes, an employee weighs the job against something else that she values, and consciously chooses the something else. This was one of those times.

    (I say this as someone who once quit a job because I couldn’t get off for my mom’s wedding. I’m still glad I did it.)

    1. Erika*

      I did the same when a crummy job rescinded my vacation time approval two days before I was supposed to leave. Still glad I went on that trip.

    2. ItsOnltMe*

      I once quit a long standing job when I was told I couldn’t take time off when my husband’s Grandmother passed away as she wasn’t my immediate family.

      I have the greatest respect for anyone who puts themselves through post secondary education, especially with such challenges. Bravo to anyone who has the courage to stand up and better themselves. I can barely take this letter in.

      Alison your reply is perfect. Thank you.

    3. starsaphire*

      I quit a job ages ago because my pre-approved vacation time for *my own wedding* was rescinded.

      Best possible decision. Never looked back. Wedding was great. :)

        1. Seuuze*

          Yes. Yes. Yes. This is what I would have done. But also adding that the shift-covering culture needs a drastic overhaul as previously mentioned and that the manager needs to be in control of shift covering, not the clique-ish employees.

          1. Amadeo*

            Yes. I think if I worked a retail job at this point in my life and a manager demanded I find someone to cover my shift if I had someplace I needed or would like to be something like “That’s your job” would tumble out of my mouth before I could stop it. I don’t meekly accept things as well as I used to.

    4. Wendy Darling*

      I massively regret not walking out of my crappy temp job when my crappy manager told me I couldn’t have two days off to 1. go sit in the hospital with my dad while my mom had brain surgery, and 2. go sit at home with both my parents the first day my mom was released from the hospital after brain surgery. He told me I was a temp and I could have the afternoon off if I finished all my work but if I took more time off he’d fire me and get a new temp.

      I should have quit on the spot. I didn’t because I’d been unemployed a long time before I got that job and felt like I needed the almost criminally small paycheck. It still pisses me off.

      The temp agency called me like three times wanting me to go back to that company and I told them no all three times.

    5. Laura*

      Well said! I quit a job when I realized how little I was valued, as did the grad in this letter. No regrets. I hope she doesn’t have any.

    6. A Non E. Mouse*

      I say this as someone who once quit a job because I couldn’t get off for my mom’s wedding. I’m still glad I did it.)

      SAT test, crappy retail job in HS. I’d requested the day off months in advance, it was literally up on the board when the manager made the schedule and put me on that day, and when the schedule came out and I pointed out that I was supposed to be off THAT MORNING (not even the whole day! Just til noon!), I was told I either had to find someone to cover it, or I’d be written up for not coming in.

      I quit. Just….quit. And seriously screwed them over, because like the gal in the original letter, I always volunteered for crappy shifts, to work late if someone needed to leave early, etc. Hell I only saw the schedule the day it came out *because I was covering someone’s shift when it was posted*.

      Just, no. Who the hell in their right minds would choose a crappy, minimum wage retail job over taking the SAT?! I still cannot fathom what that manager was thinking. And I’ve still angry about it.

      1. Brooke*

        I got laid off because I refused to lie to a client. I wish I’d had the guts to quit pre-emptively though I did get unemployment… but only after the old employer tried to fight it.

      2. Otter box*

        Ooh I did this too! I had a new job lined up three weeks after a crappy manager at a crappy job told me I needed to start lying to customers. I’m actually thankful – that was the kick in the pants I needed to finally get out of there!

      3. JessaB*

        I walked out of a job two weeks in, when after putting us on the phones they basically told us to ignore all the contractual safeties put in to not badger or scam elderly donators to charity. The company they were calling for had rules and we were basically told to ignore them to drive numbers. I walked into the boss’ office and basically told them I had ethics and wasn’t going to do that, and took the job because I was told they were so honest and did all the things the contract said to do. It didn’t end up on my resume at all.

    8. Koko*

      I quit a waitressing job because I couldn’t get time off to take my final exams. It was a diner only open for breakfast and lunch M-F. There were three waitresses, one who worked all five days, one who worked Tues/Thurs, and me who worked Mon/Wed/Fri. The other waitress may have had chronic health issues – but every time I asked her to cover a shift for me she would say she couldn’t because she had “an appointment with a specialist.” So either she was quite ill and using most of her off days to get medical care, or that was her go-to excuse for saying no.

      Come end of semester, I’ve been working there since early summer, about six months, and one of my final exams is scheduled for Tuesday morning. There is no way around this as a student – you take the exam or you fail the class. I asked my counterpart to cover for me, she had an appointment with a specialist, so I told the owner that I would be unable to come in to work that Tuesday, and that I had checked with the other waitress and she couldn’t cover me.

      She fired me on the spot. Not that it matters, because I wouldn’t have continued to work for someone who thought that I would be willing to fail a college class just so her diner where I worked part-time wasn’t short-staffed for one lousy afternoon. (And clearly she could manage being short-staffed because presumably it took her a couple of days to hire my replacement.)

      1. Elizabeth West*

        I had a job where I was supposed to cover the front once a week but it ended up being more than that. The front person would always plead her back issues though I suspect she just wanted to get away from the Coworker from Hell. I can’t blame her for that, but I wasn’t hired to do her job–and covering for her meant I couldn’t do my work either. I ended up leaving mostly because of that (though my manager and I mutually agreed it wasn’t working. It really was overall a terrible job).

      2. AnonAnalyst*

        I quit a retail job for this reason when I was in college. I had just started the job and was supposed to be working there for the summer, but at management’s request I bumped up my start date a few weeks and was picking up shifts during my last week of classes because they were short-staffed and needed people immediately. But, I had told both managers during the interview process and then again during training and my first week of work that I would absolutely not be able to come in for a specific four day period because that was when my final exams were.

        I was a little surprised when I went in one day the week before that period and found I was on the schedule all four days. I reiterated to both managers that I was not going to be able to work those days because I had final exams and that there was nothing I could do to shift things around to be able to come in.

        Assuming the issue had been resolved, I went to take my final on the first day and didn’t think any more about it. Until I got a call later that day from one of the managers scolding me for missing my shift; she actually snarkily asked me why I hadn’t felt the need to show up to work, to which I replied, “well, I was taking a final exam so I didn’t fail one of my classes.”

        At that point, I tersely stated that I had told her and the other manager about my finals schedule during the interview process, when I was offered the job, during training, and during the previous week, so I was confused as to why they were still expecting me to be at work that day. I then explained that in light of the continuing communication challenges, I didn’t think the job was going to be a good fit for me after all and that I wasn’t going to be coming in again, ever.

        15 years later, I still do not regret it. At all.

        1. Jennifer*

          From what I’ve heard from others in retail, if you tell someone “I can’t do X day” you are GUARANTEED to get a shift on X day. It makes me wonder if you’d get better results if you specifically asked them TO schedule you on X day just to make sure that you don’t have to work that day.

          One of my exes got ticked off when I got invited to a wedding and wasn’t invited with a guest. The bride and family had no idea I was with someone, since I usually couldn’t get a boyfriend if I sold my soul to the devil, and I felt super rude asking and refused to harass them to let me bring him. Also he worked retail and I pointed out that his boss had told him that NOBODY BUT NOBODY could ever get the day off on a weekend to boot, for any reason, ever. So not only was he kind of being a brat about it, he literally could not go! But ex kept driving me up a wall until I declined to go to the wedding.
          Naturally, the day before the wedding ex was granted the day off spontaneously.

          I am so glad I’ve never worked retail. I think I’d stab someone, honestly.

          1. Anon But Not a Mouse*

            I have a friend who, about 25 years ago, somehow got tickets to a big, huge deal, once-in-a-lifetime college football game (I live near a university that was, way back when, number one in college football). She asked for the day off and her boss at the well-known but now failing retail chain where she’d worked for years refused to let her have the day off. Wouldn’t let her trade with anyone, just wouldn’t let her have that Saturday off. He did buy the tickets from her so she wouldn’t lose her money. Then the day of the big game, he called her and told her she didn’t need to come in.

      3. boop*

        Feel for you all! I just left a job after 9 (!) years – voluntarily cross trained, covered shifts, never late, rarely sick. Management even shrugged off their inventory duties onto me, and so I had a big responsibility to keep the place running. I’d felt like garbage the entire time, but then I found out that my coworkers, who haven’t been there nearly as long nor had as much responsibility, were making an entire $2/hour more than I was. I gave notice, though, because I didn’t have an event.

        I never allowed myself events, always booked my life around my work schedule (which was only 1-3 days notice), don’t even take vacation anymore. But I watched my coworkers ask for time off for serious dance competitions, exams, what-have-you… So many were given back their T.O. request form with a huge “NO” scrawled across it. How rude!

    9. Betty (the other Betty)*

      Decades later I still regret missing my cousin’s wedding because I couldn’t the weekend off from my high school job.

  35. SlickWilly*

    Holy crap, LW.

    I respectfully disagree with Alison and suggest you do not try to make amends. Your star employee will harbor this one and have learned not to be your star employee anymore if she does happen to come back and work for you. You lost this battle and learned a lesson. You definitely should apologize to the rest of your employees though and admit your mistake. Otherwise, once they fully understand what happened… your reputation as a fair manager is toast.

    1. Edith*

      Don’t worry– there is a 100% chance the employee’s new job is far better than the one she left. OP can do all the groveling she wants. That employee isn’t coming back.

    2. Jadelyn*

      That’s assuming OP *had* a reputation as a fair manager. Someone who just lets employees run wild, more or less, with their scheduling does not make for a “fair manager”.

    3. ArchErin*

      The actions of this manager reminds me of a quote from Eliza Hamilton – gee where have we heard that name before. I hope that if the manager does reach out that the employee says as much as Eliza did.
      Elizabeth Hamilton survived her husband by fifty full years, finally dying at the age of 97. Years after the duel, Mr. Monroe came to call. By now he was a former president, but Betsy remembered his role in slandering Alexander during the Reynolds affair. Initially, she refused to see him but was prevailed upon by younger family members. Mr. Monroe entered but was not offered a chair. He gave a brief speech about forgiving and forgetting and Betsy answered with these words.
      “Mr. Monroe, if you have come to tell me that you repent, that you are sorry, very sorry, for the misrepresentations and the slanders, and the stories you have circulated against my dear husband, if you have come to say this, I understand it. But, otherwise, no lapse of time, no nearness to the grave, makes any difference.”

  36. Tyler*

    I imagine the owner of this business that this person helps manage would love to know about how poorly this whole situation was (mis)handled. The manager is so far out of line that it is almost beyond my ability to comprehend how this seemed like an acceptable way to handle his/her best employee. I’m comforted by knowing from experience that people like the employee always come out ahead in the end. Good for her.

  37. Bee Eye LL*

    I know someone who was once asked to come in and do inventory on the morning of his father’s funeral. The reason? The funeral didn’t start until 11am and inventory only took a couple of hours. I’m not kidding. I won’t tell you the name of the employer but it’s a national chain.

    2. Karyn*

      Yep, my mom’s former boss made her work the day her mother died. A really great person.

    3. Edith*

      I know ssomeone who was refused the day off to attend her stepfather’s funeral because he wasn’t a blood relative. I can only imagine that if someone asked for time off because their child had died the first words out of the manager’s mouth would be “That depends. Was your child biological or adopted?”

      2. Jessica*

        Ok. This is horrifying. These kinds of stories make me wonder whether there are ever situations where a good manager wants to be kind/reasonable (so, in this case, wants to give the employee the day off for her stepfather’s funeral), but is so hamstrung by an overly precise (and cruel) policy that they legitimately can’t find a way to make it work. I just can’t imagine responding to this situation without compassion. Are these managers just jerks, or what?

        1. Edith*

          I think in this case it was the manager refusing to think through the real-life, human implications of a bereavement policy that was in my opinion improperly worded. I think it used the term blood relation when it was intended to cover immediate family members.

          The policy was similarly cited to bar an employee from attending to her husband’s family when her father-in-law died. The manager said something shockingly flippant, like “How are you bereaved? It’s not like it was your dad who died.” To which the employee replied, “He was my husband’s father and my children’s grandfather, and if you think I’m not going to be there to support them you have another thing coming.” She took the day off anyway, and an official strike was added to her file. I don’t believe she has any regrets about it.

          The lady with the stepfather I believe was able to talk the manager into letting it count as bereavement leave because he had become her stepdad when she was little and the manager decided to let it slide. How fricking magnanimous of her, I know.

          1. JudeM*

            This is horrifying. I don’t know if it’s more of a US thing (I’m in the UK), but when my mother passed away in October my boss / company couldn’t have been more understanding. Company policy stated that up to 6 days compassionate leave was allowed, but more could be agreed at managers discretion. I ended up taking almost 3 weeks off (in total, she was in hospital for several days prior) and my boss STILL allowed me an additional day of compassionate leave to scatter her ashes – no questions asked.

            I work at a large, international company which has had several scandals and hasn’t always covered itself in glory. But I will never forget the support they provided or the fact that it was offered, I didn’t have to beg. It’s probably the main reason I haven’t even considered looking elsewhere even though my current role is not the most stimulating at times!

            1. catsAreCool*

              I live in the US, and even when I worked in fast food, when I got sick a couple of times, they let me call in sick, didn’t give me any trouble about it, I didn’t have to find anyone to cover my shift (fortunately, I was miserably sick). And that was just for being sick, not having a bereavement.

            2. GingerHR*

              Everywhere I’ve worked (UK) has had similar rules. It’s usually ‘close family’, but in practice, the manager should interpret that. I’ve always said when managers ask they use their discretion: it could be an elderly neighbour who is family in all but genes, or the third cousin once removed who basically raised the employee – you support your employee when they need it. When my mum died, my otherwise awful job was incredibly supportive – to the point that the CEO checked that I really should be in in the week before the funeral, and I knew that at any point I could just go. It’s not even about good management, no matter where you’re based, it’s about basic humanity and decency.
              Having said all that, I’ve also been supportive of managers starting to question when an employee who shows reluctance to show up anyway is on their third great-aunt’s funeral in 4 months.

            3. LSM*

              I work in the US and have been working as a consultant/contractor for over six years.

              Three years ago, I was working on the world’s CRAZIEST project. The work was deadly dull, the mandate was unclear, the workflow disorganized and fragmented. The only good thing about it was the occasional free lunch, which was really quite tasty.

              I will always think fondly of those people, because when my grandmother was dying, I called them, at the craziest, busiest time ever, said, “My grandmother is dying. I have to go see her,” and they were all like, “Of COURSE, you do! Don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine. Are you okay to drive yourself to the airport?” And when I got back, they were all lovely and sympathetic, and invited me to share grandmother stories.

      2. ZuKeeper*

        Nah, their inventories take many hours. The one my husband worked (before he just couldn’t take it anymore) for did theirs overnight (10pm-7am) and they were barely finished by the end of the shift.

  38. Some Sort of Management Consultant*

    My heart hurts for the employee who’s gotten dealt so many bad hands of cards and still soldiered on. And for her to work so hard at a job, to never have missed a day and covered for everyone else, and then to be punched in the gut like this by both her coworkers and her boss. Not a single person could spare her two hours to go to her COLLEGE graduation.

    For fuck’s sake, OP, you lost a treasure and you don’t even realize it.

    But I’m glad the employee found her courage and quit. She’s worth SO MUCH MORE than this kind of boss and job.

    1. Ann O'Nemity*

      “you lost a treasure and you don’t even realize it.”

      Indeed. And did you hear the righteousness oozing from the OP’s letter? Geez. The OP is the last person who should be giving advice on professionalism.

  39. Myrin*

    Oh, and also, I really, really don’t see why you would even think this employee would think it’s generally okay to quit on the spot. I mean… Firstly, the circumstances around this quitting were egregious on your part. Egregious circumstances make people do things they wouldn’t in a million years do otherwise and/or again. And secondly, you were her first job she worked at for six years. She doesn’t exactly have a track record of quitting on the spot.

  40. TJ*

    It’s interesting to see the rationalizations behind decisions like the one OP made — the way people justify in their own heads things that seem so extreme to an outsider. I’ll be paying more attention to my own thought processes from now on.

    1. Bee Eye LL*

      Makes me wonder if the OP has no degree of their own and therefore is either jealous or simply doesn’t understand how big a deal it is to walk across that stage.

      1. Petronella*

        I thought this as well. The OP seems not to understand the significance of earning a degree, or what a graduation ceremony entails.

        1. Newby*

          Probably it just didn’t mean that much to the OP. I didn’t attend my graduation because it just didn’t seem worth it. I don’t regret that choice. But it did mean something to the employee and that is what should matter.

        2. Elizabeth West*

          Or going through college was easier for OP since maybe they went straight through out of high school, without having to work. I can see that affecting the perception.

      2. Jeanne*

        IME things like this are usually self-preservation. “If I give her time off I will have to get Jane to work instead. And Jane is going to whine and not do a good job. So I’ll just tell employee no time off. She’ll come in. She always does.” That kind of thing.

        1. TuxedoCat*

          I’ve experienced the same thing, except I think of it more like being conflict-adverse. It’s far easier and preferable for managers to go the path of least resistance than to do the right thing.

          And what I’ve seen is that the people who are considered least resisted get fed up and leave the job when they can.

  41. Former Border's Refugee*

    She had no one to teach her professional norms? She worked there without issue for six years AS YOUR BEST EMPLOYEE, so I think she must have picked up some professional norms somewhere along the line.

    You, however, don’t appear to have had anyone teach you that good management requires flexibility and empathy.

    CONCERT TICKETS. Seriously. Look at your life, look at your choices.

    1. Allison*

      What norms was OP planning to teach, exactly? That momentous milestone celebrations come second to work? If this woman was asked to work on the day of a family member’s wedding, should she feel obligated to skip that too? What about her own wedding, will she need a crystal ball to plan it so she knows she won’t be scheduled to work that day? Will she one day need to induce labor on a day she’s not working, so she doesn’t have to call out and risk getting fired when she goes into labor? What about when her own kids graduate, will she possibly need to skip that if her boss wants her in the office that day? Or do people need to earn that kind of work-life balance through decades of hard work and loyalty to one single employer?

      OP, what about you? What do you do when there’s a conflict between an important celebration or milestone and work? Do you skip these things in favor of work all the time, or do you say “sorry, my sister’s getting married that day, someone else will need to take care of that.” Because if you would want to attend those life moments, you’d better believe ALL of your employees feel the same way, and if you’re the type to miss out on them because of work and thus expect everyone else to do so as well, you live a sad existence.

    2. The Rat-Catcher*

      +1000 for “look at your life, look at your choices.” I now need to go watch SGF!

      Everything I wanted to say about the letter has been said. I’m in shock.

  42. Clinical Social Worker*

    I’m wondering if OP will venture to comment or update at all. I think likely not since everyone is overwhelmingly (and understandably) upset with OPs behavior, but it would be nice to know that she took this feedback and apologized to the graduate in the letter. OP I really hope you can take this to heart and offer the graduate an apology, as well as review your coverage policies with your employer.

    2. Big10Professor*

      Something is very weird about the letter in the first place. I feel like the actual question in the letter is a tacked-on afterthought. I think this person wrote in wanting backup more than anything.

      1. K.*

        Yep, I bet she’s shocked by these comments. The tone of the letter suggests that she thinks she’s totally in the right. She didn’t ask “Should I do this,” she asked what the best way was for her to do it – like it was a forgone conclusion that she should inform this employee of her unprofessionalism.

          1. teclatrans*

            :-( Yeah, given the likelihood of a delay between the letter being written vs. when it was published, I worry that the OP may have gone ahead and made the call, heaping further injustice on the ex-employee. I hope not, or that OP reflects and repents and calls back to apologize.

        2. Mustache Cat*

          Agreed, I’m very reminded of the “taking initiative” letter that was reposted for Independence Day. I’m getting the strong sense that this letter writer was expecting everyone to overwhelmingly agree with her.

      2. Artemesia*

        I don’t think the manager wrote the letter. I think the employee or another person did. It sounds like the kind of letter daughters in law write to advice columns pretending to be their unreasonable MILs. Not that this couldn’t happen but it is hard to imagine anyone being this dense.

        1. Lissa*

          That would make so much sense! I noted above how it seemed like even the little details still were in there to make the employee look good, not the manager, whereas usually in letters there’s a bunch of stuff there largely to make the LW look more in the right. I mean…why add that you gave another employee time off for a concert or that she tried to find coverage but couldn’t because all the coworkers would only cover for their out-of-work friends…? Can anybody seriously not realize how that makes them look?

          1. Clinical Social Worker*

            If you have ever worked in a toxic work environment with crummy management…yes. People go all out with unconscious defense mechanisms to make sure they are rarely, if ever, aware of this. There are unfortunately a LOT of people who don’t have the skills to understand how they affect other people much less make it better.

        2. CMartin*

          This was my thought as well, though MUCH more convincingly written than a lot of the “fake” (ie: from the opposite viewpoint) advice letters that are out there.

          My instinct after reading it was that the letter writer was the employee in question and that she actually got an e-mail from her former boss lecturing her about professionalism, and was wondering if her former boss was actually the crazy one or if she was so she wrote in as the manager to see what other managers would have to say about the situation.

          This was mostly my instinct because I can’t imagine any manager, no matter how delusional, would describe someone as their best employee with a gold-star record who they then treated that horribly. They’d find at least one flaw to mention.

          1. Clinical Social Worker*

            Wouldn’t it make more sense to just write in as the wronged party though? Why go through the trouble of trying to hide it by posing as the other person?

            2. Three Thousand*

              I’m skeptical that these “fake” opposite-viewpoint letters are actually a thing. Like you said, there doesn’t seem to be a reason to do this that has any benefit over just writing in as yourself.

              I think people sometimes want to believe a letter is “fake” because they can’t believe anyone could have so little self-awareness as to make themselves sound so unsympathetic. But some people just are that clueless and oblivious to how they sound. They really have convinced themselves they’re in the right and don’t think about how their behavior would look to a third party.

        3. NYC Redhead*

          I suspected the employee wrote in as well, but it still interesting reading!

        4. Chris*

          Right; I don’t disbelieve the situation at all (I’ve seen outrageous stuff like this), but the facts included in the letter are so blindingly on the employee’s side that either it’s fake, or this boss should be crowned Lord of the Bad Bosses, and we should place them upon a throne made from HR complaint forms.

        5. swimmyfish*

          That’s interesting. There’s something about this letter that makes me think it’s not entirely on the up-and-up – the employee being the letter writer might account for that.

      3. Sadsack*

        Yeah, I wonder if OP was expecting Alison to say, yes, by all means do your former employee the courtesy of explaining to her how wrong SHE was and try not to mess up so bad at your next job.

      4. Clinical Social Worker*

        Agreed. She likely wanted someone to validate her choice. I really hope she can hear what is being said to her and change her behavior though. As others have commented, it seems like there’s a lot wrong with this office (cliques, messed up coverage, treating the best employee like this…) and I hope they can work to change it.

    3. Althea*

      I’ve rarely seen a badly-behaved OP in the comments. In fairness to the OP, if I was so universally being upbraided for my behavior, I might not hang in the comments either.

      1. Clinical Social Worker*

        I’ve been an OP after screwing up (though I didn’t hurt anyone like this LW did, I consider this particularly cruel and hurtful, the mistake mostly hurt myself) and it’s not easy! It’s hard to say “I screwed up.” And even after you do people are willing to keep piling on or take apart little things and show that as evidence of how silly/stupid/ridiculous you are.

        1. Althea*

          Props for hanging in there and being willing to learn. I’m always imagining these OPs as seeing the response, and with 5 seconds of reading saying, “this site is dumb, and I am still right.”

  43. Meemzi*

    TWO HOURS! You couldn’t find two hours of coverage for her?

    Now your former employee can go to graduation, take pictures, and celebrate after, instead on going straight to work. Good for her!

  44. cjb1*

    I have to say something about the no cost involved comment. There was probably a ginormous cost involved. If not financial, at least emotional and time-spent costs for her to manage to accomplish graduation. This was basically her “concert” and her “ticket” was the last however many years she spent working on this.

    I agree that an apology should be extended and I applaud the woman for standing up for herself.

  46. Mint Julips*

    OP’s post actually makes me sad….I almost wish OP had reached out to Alison prior to what went down!

    1. Punkin*

      I agree. Then we could at least offer her leads on employers who value their best employees.

  47. Allison*

    Wow.

    I get that graduation ceremonies aren’t a big deal to everyone, but they are a big deal to many people. Heck I didn’t need to work nearly as hard as OP’s former employee to get that degree, I had a fairly standard upbringing and a lot of support through college, but the ceremony was *still* a big deal to me! Colin Powell was there and talked about the importance of public service, and I cried, because I was about to be handed a political science degree. Then I got my degree and cried some more after sitting down. If someone had told me I couldn’t attend because of work, I’d be livid.

    I get prioritizing people by seniority, but you should have been more flexible in accommodating her request, especially since you say she was your best employee despite low seniority. She wasn’t asking to attend a friend’s birthday get-together, go to the movies, or go to the beach for the day just ’cause, she was graduating and it was a big deal to her. And she only wanted two hours off, rather than the whole day to celebrate, that wasn’t an insane request at all!

    1. alter_ego*

      I don’t want to get all dox-y, but Colin Powell was my commencement speaker as well, and now I’m really curious if we’re part of the same class at the same school.
      And yeah, I would have been suuuuuuuuper pissed if my job at the time asked me to miss it for work, and I would absolutely have quit instead.

      1. Allison*

        well you don’t have to say anything, but I was NU 2012. Huge class, probably a lot of Allison’s! But maybe not a lot in my major . . .

        1. alter_ego*

          High five, me too! Not in your major, I’m an engineer, but still, hi fellow huskie!

    2. Rebecca in Dallas*

      I had just started a new job when I was about to graduate college. I still remember telling one of my managers that I wasn’t sure that I was going to go to my graduation ceremony and she not only encouraged me to, but when the schedule came out and I had accidentally been scheduled that day, she took me off with no questions asked. Again, I was new, I think I’d only been there a month when I graduated.

      I know the ceremony isn’t a big deal for everyone, but it clearly was to this person and for good reason. The schedule should have been accommodated for her.

      1. Amadeo*

        Heh, I didn’t walk my ceremony either and didn’t ask for the day off. My manager at my then-retail job did a double-take when he saw me working the sales floor folding clothes and goes “WHY ARE YOU HERE!?”

        I was fine with not walking, but he was totally upset that I wasn’t.

    3. Former Border's Refugee*

      I was working a seasonal temp job when it was time for my college graduation, and my managers gave me the day off, and got me balloons and cake for everyone the day before.

  48. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

    “Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.” And the first time she asked you to be flexible for her, not only did you say no, but you put the burden on her of going to her coworkers and begging them to trade with her before you said no. OP, I think you deserved to lose this employee — you certainly weren’t treating her like you valued her at all! That sounds like “you’re an easily replaced, minimum-wage peon” kind of treatment to me. I haven’t had to try and arrange my own coverage since I worked in retail!

    1. INFJ*

      Yes. Though normally I would consider this to be the *ONLY* unprofessional behavior on the employee’s part, I was actually really stoked to hear that she gave OP a list of all the times she worked late/early/overtime and/or covered for a coworker, because it really speaks to how unreasonable OP was to not let her have that time off.

  49. gnarlington*

    Wow wow wow. I am speechless… I am without speech. I can’t even believe this mindset. Sorry, I don’t mean to be berating or anything. This employee must have felt incredibly devalued; I applaud her for quitting on the spot and hopefully finding a workplace that values her. Wow.

  50. Some Sort of Management Consultant*

    My heart hurts for the employee who’s gotten dealt so many bad hands of cards and still soldiered on. And for her to work so hard at a job, to never have missed a day and covered for everyone else, and then to be punched in the gut like this by both her coworkers and her boss. Not a single person could spare her two hours to go to her COLLEGE graduation.

    For shame, OP, you lost a treasure and you don’t even realize it.

    But I’m glad the employee found her courage and quit. She’s worth SO MUCH MORE than this kind of boss and job.

    1. Elle*

      You summarized my feelings exactly. I’m both appalled at the treatment this employee received, and also proud of her for finishing her degree, and realizing her own self worth when she quit this awful place.

  51. MM*

    I hope OP thinks long and hard on this and how they messed up. Maybe Alison can reach out to help employee get a better job since they deserve better than to go back to this workplace that didn’t appreciate them. Also wonder if OP is leaving stuff out. If employee came to you with list of times they covered for others they were probably asking you to reconsider your position. Also I’m wondering if discrimination isn’t playing a part in your willingness to let others skirt the rules and make exceptions for people who are able to afford concert tickets?

  52. Generic Name*

    This might just be a candidate for the worst boss of the year award. I can only imagine what it felt like being in a workplace where being the highest performer results in being treated so poorly.

    1. Dot Warner*

      Yes! Not quite as bad as the liver transplant boss, but on a par with the funeral-interrupting boss.

    2. Seal*

      I’ve been that person and I can safely say it’s horrible. Stick around long enough in that type of environment and it will leave scars that are almost impossible to erase. Good for the employee for quitting on the spot. Wish I had had the balls to do that earlier in my career.

    3. ZuKeeper*

      This is bad, but not interrupting chemotherapy/firing the person who told him where to find the employee having chemo, bad.

    4. Laura*

      My thoughts too. It’s rare that we have LWs who blatantly put THEMSELVES in the running.

    5. Putting Out Fires, Esq*

      Imma let you finish, but liver transplant boss is the worst boss of all time.

      Maybe there needs to be two categories: “poor management” and “eye-bulgingly bad human skills regardless of job title”

      1. MaggiePi*

        Sad to see how many candidates we have for this already this year.
        I think this OP would only be on par with funeral-interrupting boss if she showed up at the former employee’s graduation ceremony to yell at her about being unprofessional.
        And I don’t think anything beats chemo stalker boss, esp since one employee was already fired and the other employees health and cancer recovery is literally being jeopardized (among other horrible violations).

        2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          As someone said: “2016 is being written by George R. R. Martin. All your favorite people die and all authority figures are terrible.”

          I think the huge field of potential WBOTYs this year speaks to that very well.

        3. NewbieWhoSawThisTweetedByMalloryOrtberg*

          Sorry, I’m pretty new to this website– what’s this about a funeral-interrupting boss and a chemo stalker boss and liver demanding boss? Is there a tag to find them? (I’m still petty stunned that someone’s boss could make a greater mistake than this one, but just from those brief and very pithy descriptions I don’t doubt it… I’m just having a very need-to-see-it-to-believe it sort of reaction!)

          1. Aurion*

            Look in the “jerks” tag.

            I think the funeral-interrupting boss was a comment in an open thread, though, so that one may be harder to find.

    6. Chameleon*

      Yeah, this boss honestly makes me more furious than liver transplant and chemo bosses. Just…FFFFFFFFFFFF TWO HOURS!!??

      1. many bells down*

        I said something about it upthread, but I think it’s because people are way more likely to encounter a situation where they feel their hard work is unrecognized and unvalued. It’s the familiar kind injustice you know, versus liver-donor-boss who (hopefully) relatively few people will actually encounter.

    7. lucina*

      I was thinking this as well! This year there is some seriously tough competition! And it’s the second bad boss that auto-nominate (together with the lady managing her daughter, then somebody complained about daughter taking her baby to the office etc)

    8. sstabeler*

      Frankly, I’m beginning to suspect bosses are beginning to compete for the worst boss of the year award at this rate.(after all, there ARE bosses that think that “if your employees don’t ahte you, you aren’t doing your job right”)

  53. The IT Manager*

    I’m a bit upset because she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.

    I agree with Alison and all the other commenters, but I wanted to note this. This employee has been your go-to person for weekends and holidays up to now. She has been more than accommodating working extra/unusual shifts, and the one time she wanted to be accommodated for a MAJOR LIFE EVENT you and her co-workers didn’t step up and make it up to her. You treated her terribly and frankly her co-workers sound like jerks by refusing to pick up her shift, but then agreeing to work for their buddies. You should have stepped in and made sure that your best worker be allowed to attend her MAJOR LIFE EVENT when her co-workers didn’t help her out despite the stellar employee covering for them in the past.

    2. AFT123*

      I’m glad you mentioned this, because I was thinking the same thing! In addition to the other great comments here, OP, please consider this point in the future as well. If you have an employee who is awesome and takes on weekends and holidays a lot, please be sure to occasionally and intentionally allow this person to not work a holiday or weekend. Even if she is volunteering (which I’m guessing she isn’t volunteering, based on what we know about your scheduling practices), make sure she is getting some plum days off the schedule on a regular rotation. The best way to burn out your “best” employees is exploiting whatever qualities make them the best.

    3. Allison*

      Agreed!

      I often have a hard time feeling sympathetic to people who frequently exhibit this very put-upon “I do so much for others but when I need help no one’s around, woe is me” attitude, often because it’s never one time that they need something but every other week, and they hold whatever favors they do over people for years. But in the case of OP’s employee, she really did deserve to have people help her out just once, and it sucks no one did.

      For the coworkers, they probably all felt that someone else would step up and they didn’t need to. Anyone who had a shift covered for them should have been happy to help, but if no one took the shift, OP should have made a judgment call and picked someone who’s often had their shift covered to work at least those two hours.

      1. INFJ*

        Yeah, it’s easy for people to wonder why nobody would cover for her, but I’m guessing the other employees simply didn’t want to work the extra shift (who would?), and/or also had plans, and/or didn’t realize OP’s employee needed it off for a major event. (benefit of the doubt here)

      2. TootsNYC*

        who frequently exhibit this very put-upon “I do so much for others but when I need help no one’s around, woe is me” attitude,

        The interesting thing is, THIS employee didn’t exhibit that put-upon attitude. Not all along, and not even at the end.

        She exhibited an “I know my value, and I’m not letting you screw me over anymore” attitude.

        Note that she could have brought that list to her manager and said, “Look, here’s why you owe me! Look at all the times I’ve helped everyone else, not just you!” That wouldn’t have been whining.

        But the OP offended her SO badly that she just flat-out quit. I’m sure this woman knew that she could have tried one more time to make her case w/ the evidence.

        But she was too mad. Rightfully so.

        That’s something for the OP to think about, and to use in shaping her approach in the future.

        1. Allison*

          I didn’t say she did, I know she didn’t. I was saying that in general, when people are vocal about that, they tend to not be sympathetic characters for the most part. But this woman was, not because she didn’t complain but because she legitimately did just need people to help her out one time, and she couldn’t even get that. I’m glad she stood up for herself.

    4. ZuKeeper*

      And it wasn’t even a full shift! It was 2 hours out of someone else’s day and they couldn’t be bothered to help out? Frankly, this woman is better off finding something else, if that’s the kind of people she worked with. And really, OP couldn’t have covered for 2 hours?

    5. Seuuze*

      And she picked up extra shifts for other employees and worked a lot of overtime WHEN SHE WAS GOING TO COLLEGE AND GETTING HER DEGREE!!

      1. Jen S. 2.0*

        And if she was often covering for others, she almost surely enabled someone else to attend a wedding, funeral, or what have you. And then no one would do it for her similar event.

  54. wet gremlin*

    My heart is breaking thinking about what being treated with such callous disregard by your work family of six years does to someone who went through a couple dozen foster homes growing up.

    3. KT*

      This a million times.

      It sounds like she’s been alone for her whole life, and the one time she counts on her work colleagues (who she has covered for extensively), they leave her out in the cold. It breaks my heart and I am a rage monster.

    4. LizB*

      Yep. I work with kids and teens in the foster system… I see so many young people who have internalized the message that nobody will ever be there for them and everyone will abandon them sooner or later. This woman has overcome incredible barriers to get where she is today, and now here’s the OP treating her like she’s disposable and unimportant and reinforcing all those messages all over again. I have nothing to say to the OP that would be acceptable within this site’s commenting guidelines.

      2. MaggiePi*

        I have nothing to say to the OP that would be acceptable within this site’s commenting guidelines.

        Yes. This.

        I so hope the employee has solid people in her life that are a stable presence of good support for her. Everyone needs that.

    5. Laura*

      Mine too. I work at a large university and I do outreach with students from low-income, high-need areas. They put up with SO MUCH even before graduating from high school. The ones who will actually graduate from college are even more resilient. I’d be enraged if someone treated one of my students like OP treated her employee.

    6. A. Nonymous*

      I can’t even imagine. I hope that she’s got a good found family that values her and finds employment that treats her with the respect she deserves.

    7. Gavin X*

      Yes, I actually had tears in my eyes reading about all this employee has gone through in her life, and now she had to quit her job to go to her college graduation! I wish we could get a update on the employee to hear she got an awesome new job. I’ll be thinking of her for a long time. I know people who have gone through the foster care system, and their lives are tough – it is not too often they make it through to getting a college degree.

  55. Lauren*

    … she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays … she was an otherwise great employee … She was raised in a few dozen different foster homes and has no living family. She was homeless for a bit after she turned 18 and besides us she doesn’t have anyone in her life that has ever had professional employment.

    Wow. I am just aghast at your attitude, OP. I cannot believe you are a manager so awful was your behavior in light of what you said about her (quoted above). I know you are getting piled on, and maybe you can learn from our comments rather than be put off by them. I find her to be such an excellent employee that I am beyond amazed at what you “accomplished” by failing to recognize that–or at least applaud her professionalism only when it suited you to do so.

    If I were your manager I’d fire you and put her in your position. She understands “professionalism” far more than you do.

    1. Sins & Needles*

      “She was raised in a few dozen different foster homes and has no living family. She was homeless for a bit after she turned 18 and besides us she doesn’t have anyone in her life that has ever had professional employment.”

      I, myself, never appreciate unsolicited advise. Especially if the giver assumes they need to give it because they know part of my background. The phrase, “I understand what you’re going through” also gets up my nose. Even if everything Alison said hadn’t been said, don’t offer unsolicited advise at this point; the graduate doesn’t work for you anymore and if you didn’t already have a mentor/mentee relationship, you don’t have the standing to offer advise.

    1. Kelly L.*

      I had a moment of wondering if this was one of those “reverse letters” that’s really written by the opposite party, but decided it doesn’t really matter–the situation happened in either case, and shouldn’t have.

      1. Rusty Shackelford*

        I thought the same thing, just because the LW works so hard at damning herself, and is so blissfully oblivious to it. But as you said, the fact that it happened is awful, no matter who is actually writing abou tit.

        1. Kelly L.*

          And we’ve got all kinds of commenters chiming in who’ve had similar things happen to them, or seen them happen to other people. Sounds like it’s all too common.

    2. Jen RO*

      I so wish the employee could see the comments and understand that her choice is supported by so many people. I hope she is not second guessing it.

    3. Dot Warner*

      Yes, I would love to see that! Employee, if you’re out there I hope you take heart in the fact that we’re all on your side and we completely support your decision. You are worth more than that dump, and I’m sure you can find an employer that treats you respectfully.

    4. AnonInSC*

      I really hope the employee in question is reading and knows she did the right thing. If you are reading – Congratulations on your graduation. You rock.

  57. lulu*

    This is said without snark: I’m wondering if OP doesn’t know what graduating from college entails, and what that represents for someone with this employee’s background. I guess I’m looking for an explanation, any explanation, because this just doesn’t make sense.

      1. Perpetuum Mobile*

        This.

        I got my MBA from the top business school in my state and it was a “part time” program, I attended classes half day Friday and all day Saturday. Same number of credits, same classes, same two years in the program as our MBA “full timers”, folks who left work to go to school, but unlike them I kept working full time…and boy, did this experience squeezed me dry. It was the worst mental, emotional and sometimes physical exhaustion exercise I’ve ever had.

        While I am nowhere close to the employee from this post – my parents were the best in the whole wide world, I’ve never been homeless, hungry, unsafe, etc. – I can 100% relate to her missing her big day as I never got to go to my graduation as I was attending my Mom’s funeral. I still remember along with the pain of losing my Mom how desperately I wanted to be at that graduation ceremony. It was a huge deal: I gave all myself to this program and not being able to be there hurt like crazy. OP, you really screwed up on this one.

    2. Umvue*

      This. It was such a huge, obvious management misstep that my most charitable read is that the manager doesn’t have a college degree herself.

      1. Allison*

        I’m sure a lot of people didn’t care about the ceremony when they graduated, and saw it as a really boring thing they had to sit through so their parents can be happy and take lots of pictures. I’m sure plenty of kids wanted to blow off their ceremonies so they could sleep off a hangover. Especially if they didn’t really care about their educations in the first place, picked an easy major and skated through school, seeing those 4 years as just something you do instead of something important you work hard to finish.

        1. TootsNYC*

          Or, they worked hard, but the ceremony just seems like something fake and unrelated to the actual learning and hard work.

          1. AnonAnalyst*

            This was me. I didn’t attend either my college or grad school ceremonies. I worked hard, but by the time I finished the work I was just ready to be done with it all. I was proud of finishing and receiving the degree, but going to the ceremony seemed like a time suck that I wasn’t particularly interested in participating in. I still have no regrets about not attending.

            Having said that, I can certainly understand why attending the ceremony is important to other people, and if one of my employees wanted time off to attend hers, I would definitely make that happen.

        2. Isabel C.*

          I absolutely wanted to blow off my ceremony–between my parents running prep schools and my sister’s and my education having four graduations each at the undergrad level, I’d seen too many and knew too much about how the sausage was made by the time I got my BA. Plus, I’ve never loved crowds and am the kind of person who never goes to school reunions.

          I brought a paperback, made bets with my friends about the speeches (won a cool $10 for hitting both “gratuitous mention of 9/11” and “thanking Jesus Christ, his personal savior”), and, at my sister’s graduation, created the Graduation Ceremony Drinking Game. (We also made a blood oath that neither of us would do anything ceremonial that the other had to attend for at least ten years. She got married a year before the deadline, but I forgive her. ;P )

          So totally irreverent about graduations. But other people aren’t, and even if it *was* just “ugh, I hate this, but my folks want to see me walk,” that deserves at least as much respect as concert tickets.

          1. Jennifer*

            Oooh, that sounds fun. You should post that next June somewhere. My days of going to graduations are now over for the next 16 years or so, but others could use it!

      2. LizB*

        Or she has one, but had enough support throughout childhood and college that it was pretty easy and the graduation ceremony didn’t feel like a big deal. If you had family and community support throughout your life, it’s really easy to underestimate the impact that had on your education — and very difficult to imagine what it would be like to turn 18 and have literally nobody you can turn to, and the impact that can have on your life.

        1. One of the Sarahs*

          Or has one, and doesn’t think night school is the equivalent of their degree. (I’ve seen this attitude – weirdly had people assume my second, part-time degree, alongside working, was somehow easier than my first, full-time one)

      3. Laura*

        I’m not so sure. My dad grew up in poverty and worked three jobs to put himself through college, but he still griped about “having” to attend MY graduation ceremony.

    3. virago*

      “I’m wondering if OP doesn’t know what graduating from college entails and what that represents for someone with this employee’s background.”

      This.

      Graduating from college is an achievement for anyone, but particularly so for former foster children. Because of obstacles like lack of money, lack of a stable place to live, lack of emotional support, and lack of adequate academic preparation, only 2% to 9% of former foster children complete college. (By comparison, 24.4% of the general population has a bachelor’s degree.)

      You have done this hardworking young woman a great disservice, and I hope her next employer recognizes all that she brings to the table and treats her with the respect she deserves.

    4. Cara*

      I saw this exact scenario happen to a classmate of mine…fast-food industry rather than call center, though, and four years at the job rather than six. From what I recall, it was a combination of the manager legitimately believing that the only suitable reward for consistent good performance is experience (read: not getting fired), that the “invisible hand” of social connections should fix any scheduling problem without need for managerial interference, and–perhaps most defensibly–asking a less-reliable employee to come in during a crunch time was just going to result in shoddy work when they needed excellent work.

      It doesn’t make sense because we generally assume that managers are human, and most humans who reach adulthood understand that continually pushing people’s boundaries has bad results.

    5. Fafaflunkie*

      I recommend tapping/clicking that search box on this site, and typing “worst boss 2016” in it. Yes, this OP surely ranks up there, seeing as they actually emailed Alison with what you’re replying to, but there are many other candidates. Like the one whose boss told them to either subject themselves for a liver transplant for the boss’s brother or be fired. Or the other boss who literally interrupted a funeral for an employee’s relative because they needed to access some file.

      This blog is full of WTF moments. Trust me.

  59. Sarahnova*

    I’m honestly cheered by the fact that the employee had the courage and internal strength to quit on the spot. Good for her. Despite the fact she’s had so many barriers to overcome growing up, she rightly recognised that her manager didn’t give a mousefart for the significance of this huge milestone to her, and her six years(!) of willingness to be flexible, and did the right thing for herself. (I mean, she was even farking COMING IN right after her graduation to work the rest of the day!)

    I feel like many times, people who have had as little support and validation as her are in a much tougher place when it comes to truly valuing and advocating for themselves. She must be a remarkable, resilient and wonderful person. I’d hire her no question.

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      I agree. This employee is amazing! It does take a lot of internal strength to recognize when all forces are working against you, but you know you’re making the right decision. Everyone at work, including her manager and her non-covering co-workers was sending her the message “You’re not important, and your graduation is not important,” but she had the courage to look at it objectively and say “Of course I am.”

      1. Christopher Tracy*

        Yup. I’m so glad she didn’t let her toxic workplace beat her down and destroy her sense of self worth.

  60. addlady*

    I wonder if this has something to do with what people were mentioning the other day about mental disabilities.
    Someone pointed out that when they say they have a disability to explain part of their behavior, it tends to backfire. Suddenly, everything they do is scrutinized and put down to the disability instead of being recognized as a normal part of human behavior.

    Maybe, because this woman was a foster kid, it’s easier to label reasonable behaviors as part of an “issue” with knowing professional norms.

    1. EJ*

      This is why I’ve never disclosed my own. I’m pretty “normal” in my behaviors. But when I’m around people who know, I’ll have one display of emotion and it’s all sized down to the disability… While someone else displays the same type of emotion, people don’t even take notice of the way they act and it’s just the norm.

      1. Susan C*

        I’m sorry, I don’t want to diminish your experience, but I just had to giggle when I read “I’ll have one display of emotion and it’s all sized down to the disability” – I thought, “oh, are we calling ‘having a uterus’ a disability now?”

        1. CM*

          LOL, I was just talking to someone who explained that he never learned to understand females because he didn’t have sisters, and had to get divorced because after marriage he learned his wife had PMS and that was a difficult challenge for him.

          Anyway, I doubt the OP will ever read down to this point in the comments (unless, like some have speculated, this letter was actually written by the employee, and she is feeling very vindicated right now), but I hope the OP rethinks their actions and gives this person a stellar reference. And I’d love to see a happy ending where the superstar employee ends up at a MUCH better job where she is valued and respected and makes more money.

          1. Alli525*

            “his wife had PMS and that was a difficult challenge for him.”

            I … but … fffffff … grrrrrrr.

      2. TootsNYC*

        Or, they say, “wow, she’s really mad/hurt, so maybe I did something wrong.”

        Big emotions are messengers, and it’s important not to devalue them.

    2. the_scientist*

      This is an incredibly insightful comment.

      As for the rest of it…….I need to lie down.

    3. I'm Not Phyllis*

      I see your point absolutely, but I would have given this employee the time off without knowing about any of that. All I would have needed were “best employee” and “graduating” … that’s it. And maybe I wouldn’t even need the “best employee” part – everyone should be allowed to attend their graduation.

    4. Laura*

      Great point. This is why I choose not to share much about myself at work. I don’t want to be stigmatized for anything. I got a VERY pretentious, holier-than-thou attitude from this letter, and I wouldn’t be surprised if OP looked down on this woman because she was a foster child. It happens more often than you’d think.

    5. LawLady*

      This does seem very insightful. The OP is reading the situation as “this employee was raised by wolves” so of course the employee can’t be reasonably evaluating what kind of flexibility is appropriate to request.

      I’m from a blue collar background and work in BigLaw. I purposefully don’t share what my background is until people are familiar with my work and professionalism, because I’m afraid of exactly these kinds of assumptions.

  62. Juli G.*

    In case the OP reads these comments, I want to clarify (?) about the concert ticket outrage. Being flexible about concert tickets is great for employee morale – EXTEND that flexibility to other conflicts for high performers (especially once in a lifetime events!)

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      Yes, the lesson here shouldn’t be “How dare you make an exception for the concert tickets?” The lesson should be “How dare you not make an exception for this amazing employee for graduation?”

  63. Boo*

    All the love for Alison’s response here.

    I don’t wish to pile on OP as everything has been said which could be said, but I really do wish there was some way of showing OP’s ex-employee the comments here and how much respect and well wishes we all have for her. She sounds amazing.

  64. Susan C*

    Purely speculative, but my gut says, if she’d *had* more experience with professional norms she would’ve packed up a lot earlier.

    I mean; apparently glacial employee turnover + management style that could only be more hands-off if OP fell into a coma = no surprise at all that none of the employees was the kind of person who’d just do a coworker a favor and cover for her.

    (Note that I’m not taking blame away from OP for mishandling this, there’s plenty of unkindness to go around)

    1. VivaL*

      +1
      I may be reading too much into the graduates situation, but a reaction of this magnitude suggests to me that she was probably putting up with this job far longer than she needed to because she herself didnt recognize her own worth – and Im glad she finally did (whether it was this incident that made her realize it, or she had recognized it earlier and was just biding her time until she graduated, and this incident put her over the edge).

      Also, the problem with “seniority” type policies, is that you basically have to wait for long -term employees to leave before you can have any seniority. It’s really hard to frogleap long-term employees, so you’re always going to have worked there less time than others, until they leave. There might be people who get hired after you, but if you’re at the same level as them or lower level in general (either by choice or not) … good luck getting time off. Im not opposed to using seniority as *part* of the calculation, but not the calculation in it’s entirety.

      1. Jasper*

        The fact she’d been collecting the data on exactly how often she covered undesirable shifts tells me that she knew damn well that — especially after graduation — she’d have better opportunities available. There’s after all really only one use for a list like that — something to tell your manager to shove somewhere dark and moist, when they finally push you too far.

  65. Manager*

    A friend of mine was laid off a couple of years ago, first thing in the morning. Then they asked him to work until another member of his team came in and also sit in while they laid HER off, too.

      1. K.*

        Right! I mean, what were they going to do? Let him go, again? “You need to work until this person comes in.” “No I don’t. I don’t work here anymore. Bye.”

  66. Matt*

    Wow. Just… wow. This OP sounds extremely inflexible and is definitely somebody I wouldn’t ever want to work for.

  67. Felix*

    I wish we knew who the graduate was so someone could offer her a new job as a graduation present!

    1. Jadelyn*

      Right? I’ve got 20+ open positions right now, I’m sure I could find her something better than that …place.

    2. TootsNYC*

      I would imagine that this employee has been planning to start looking for a new, better job as soon as the degree was hers.

      So when this hit, why stay? Just quit. Then she’s got time to seriously job hunt, and can go on interviews anytime she wants. She’s got 6 years of work experience and one hell of a work ethic, and I bet she can come up with part-time, temp, household, retail, sandwich shop work while she’s looking.

  68. EJ*

    How do you deny someone 2 hours off to attend their own college graduation? OP, you are the manager people hate and probably ignorantly make people’s lives miserable. Don’t be that person.

  69. ceiswyn*

    OP, it seems to me that you’re coming from a base assumption that all the ‘power’ in the employer/employee relationship rests with the employer. Is it possible that you’re so shocked at your employee’s actions because you have an unconscious assumption that employees can’t afford to quit, so they’ll hang on in there unless the employer lets them go?

    If so, then you’ve just learned something valuable; employees can and will quit if their reasonable requirements aren’t met. And this is especially true of the really good ones, because they’re the people who will find it easiest to find new jobs. The people who will stay regardless are the mediocre employees who’ll find it hard to get a new position.

    Rules and processes are important, sure, but now you’re going to have to hire and train someone else, who may not be as good. That’s going to be a lot more of a pain than flexing your policy a little would have been. This would be a good time to really think about that, and how to deal with similar situations in the future to avoid a similar outcome.

    1. Sarahnova*

      I honestly suspect the fact that she comes from a very tough, unstable background and so may lack self-confidence or social capital was deliberately or unconsciously exploited by this workplace. But clearly this new graduate has a deep inner streak of resilience – after six years of being treated like crap, she still had the courage to stand up for herself. I admire her more than I can say.

    2. NK*

      I’m guessing from the fact that the employee had been there for six years and had the lowest seniority that the OP is not used to employees exercising any power for themselves. This should be a big wake-up call.

  70. Spice for this*

    OP- I agree with Alison 100%.
    If you decide to contact the employee and ask him/her to return to work, (if they accept) please also give this person a graduation gift! (maybe a gift card/whatever you can afford) I think it would be a very kind gesture.

    1. Anonyhippo*

      If I were the graduate, only desperation would bring me back to work for a boss who has demonstrated such incompetence and insensitivity.

      Once I’ve lost respect for someone, there’s no getting it back. It’s pretty hard to kowtow to someone who’s this much of a jerk.

      Hopefully her new degree gives her lots of great new job opportunities!!!

    2. Grey*

      I could imagine the OP giving her concert tickets as a graduation gift…

      …and then making her work the night of the concert.

  71. NacSacJack*

    I don’t necessarily agree with Alison’s advice. The person quit, leave them to their choice. I do agree that you should give her a glowing recommendation if called. But three things kinda stuck out for me – #1 “I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets”, yet you were not willing to do this for a college graduation, for someone who went above and beyond, your go-to person, your superstar? #2 – Why in six years was she the lowest in seniority? Six years in any job should have some seniority. Or you are really good at keeping people. #3 No one else wanted to switch with her? In six years, she had not made enough friends or good vibes for someone to switch with her???? Something is off there. Maybe she wasn’t a good fit for your organization if she couldn’t find anyone to cover her on a weekend for two lousy hours. Maybe take a look at your staff and ask yourself why. Think on this – her college graduation was more important to her than your job. Respect her choice. I don’t think it was all you, I think it was also the lack of friendship of her fellow co-workers. I would not offer her the job back. I’d say, she made her bed, she can sleep in it. It’s not up to you to counsel ex-employees. Once they leave, they are not yours to mentor anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if you never get a call for references for her.

    1. Leatherwings*

      I’m not sure what you disagree with? That OP should apologize and offer her job back?

      Making friends at work shouldn’t have to be a pre-requisite for employment, and considering that the graduate was going to school part time, she may have just been too busy for that. That’s not “making her bed” that she now has to sleep in. C’mon.

      1. KT*

        +1. I worked full-time when going to grad school at night, and I don’t think I saw my husband for several months, let alone anyone else. I was friendly with folks, but with classwork, classes and work, I literally didn’t have time to go out to eat or hang out after class-I had to get home, somehow write a paper, get 4 hours of sleep and get to work on time.

        I don’t think that’s a case of “made my bed, now sleep in it”–I think that’s hustling to make a better future, which takes sacrifice now.

        I utterly sympathize with the employee in the OP’s letter. It sounds like she’s never had anyone in her corner.

        1. Bigglesworth*

          My sister I in your shoes right now. She has another year of graduate school, is working full-Tim, was recently promoted into a supervisory/management role, and we don’t hold it against her at all that she’s not available to hang out when we are.

          I’m not in grad school yet, but I hope that people realize that going to school and working full-time leaves very little time for socializing.

      2. AnnonaMomma*

        100% this. Most people go to work to work, making friends with coworkers is not a priority. Also, letting friends trade shifts like this is I bet fostering the kind of clique-y, high school environment that would make someone with goals and aspirations like the girl who quite want to stay away from what have a feeling is not the most pleasant place to be if she is not part of the “in” crowd.

      3. aebhel*

        I’ve never made friends with my coworkers. I get along with all of them just fine, but I see enough of them at work; I don’t need to hang out with them off the clock too. Since I don’t work in a dysfunctional, clique-ish environment, it’s never been an issue for me.

    2. K.*

      “In six years, had she not made enough friends or good vibes for someone to switch with her?”

      She was working and going to school. I’ve done that; it doesn’t leave much time for socializing. What limited free time I had, I spent with people I was closest to – my actual friends, not my colleagues (and I liked my colleagues at that job). I had a great boss who supported that decision – if there was a work dinner and I had to miss it because of class or an exam, she was like “Good luck!” and would ask about it the following day.

      I also wonder if there was some unconscious class bias at work here; if the employee was the only one who didn’t come from a middle class background (or higher), the rest of the team may have been ostracizing her. Perhaps not intentionally, but people tend to gravitate toward people who are like them and if the employee was different in some way, she may have been the odd one out. Which is why the OP should do her job and schedule things fairly, rather than leaving it up to popularity.

      2. NacSacJack*

        Thanks K. Just FYI – I am that odd one out. I am different than my co-workers. I get that. I know school work takes up a lot, I myself worked full-time and went to school part-time for two ywars. But work isn’t your social circle and shouldn’t be. but even if you only come in 8-9 hours a day, you still get a chance to socialize and be friendly, don’t you?

        1. Leatherwings*

          Maybe. I have really bad social anxiety so I don’t really do this and that’s ok. Don’t put this on the new graduate.

        2. Jadelyn*

          Depends on the environment – the needing-coverage bit sounds like this may have been a call center environment, and having worked in one of those, I can say that you are really strictly tied to your desk 99% of your working hours. You don’t get time to socialize outside of your lunch breaks, and if you’re using those breaks to study, then you really *don’t* have any time to get to socialize and be friendly with people.

        3. KT*

          It depends–I worked at a call-center, and if you chit-chatted at all, you’d get written up. I honestly only knew about 3 or 4 of my coworkers’ names because talking amongst ourselves was seen as taking up company time

        4. Observer*

          Not so easy when you’re exhausted.

          Keep this in mind – she has taken at least one shift for every other person in the department. If that didn’t earn her any “goof vibes” then it is NOT her behavior that’s at issue here!

          1. TootsNYC*

            definitely!!

            In fact, I would take someone’s shift for this even if I didn’t like them much!

      3. Anxa*

        Another thing…

        I’ve worked in food service and I am kind of bit of square. I’m not really up for spending half my tips right after work. I was also a bit shy and just liked to hold my head down and get my work done. I didn’t make any friends at work and didn’t fit in.

        The funny thing was I called out way less often than the party people, but I rarely could get my own coverage. Forget calling out sick; I didn’t have all my coworkers numbers.

      4. ImprovForCats*

        I have similar feelings. Also, I suspect that the employee may have hoped/thought that taking on lots of overtime/coverage was HOW to make friends–that her value to others was primarily in how useful she could be, which I’ve observed in a fair number of kids coming from multiple foster homes–a contingent who do all the chores (above and beyond typical expectations) to make it “worthwhile” for an okay foster home to keep them. They don’t tend to believe emotional connections will do as well, because in their experience, usually they haven’t.

        1. TootsNYC*

          Or maybe she thought, not that it was “her personal value” to other, but that it was a quid-pro-quo situation.

          I’ll help you out, you help me out sometime.
          And so it is not just the manager who has gone back on the unspoken bargain/agreement.

    3. Yep, me again*

      I somewhat agree with NacSacJack but in a different way.

      What stands out to me is this:

      “One employee asked to come in two hours after the start time due to her college graduation ceremony being that same day (she was taking night classes part-time in order to earn her degree). I was unable to grant her request because she was the employee with the lowest seniority and we need coverage for that day.”

      How does someone with 6 years of working for you have ‘lowest seniority’. For that matter, why would no-one who understood she worked and went to school part-time at night not want to switch with her. But OP can make an allowance for concert tickets because of cost.

      I am going to be all sorts of popular, but my spidey sense is tingling….something doesn’t add up here. I have read and re-read this post. I don’t think the OP is the manager here.

      2. Trout 'Waver*

        There’s no way someone who’s worked in a call center for 6 years has lowest seniority. Just sayin’

        1. LQ*

          I can see it, unusual as heck, but if it was government or union work and paid very well for call center and didn’t require sales or pushing and was inbound? I can see it. (Especially if you have a clique who mostly drives out new people or you’ve shifted to only hire people seasonally/or people who “don’t count” because you have a clique of 20 year life time employees who have a tight bond and refuse to shift time with anyone else.)

          1. Stephanie*

            Seconding this. Friend worked at an inbound call center for our utility company said that while it wasn’t an amazing job (it was part-time and hourly), it was stable, unionized, and they got standard benefits in addition to tuition assistance (and qualified for student loan repayment since it was at a state-run entity).

          2. TootsNYC*

            but if the clique drives out new people, then there’s always someone REALLY new.

            Though, yes, you can have a place where the old-timers never quit. And there aren’t that many openings.

            1. LQ*

              Yeah if there aren’t a lot of openings you could have a regular few small people coming in and turning over so they might have had someone new last week but not this one. Though the idea someone else said about for this project might also make sense.

        3. Kate M*

          I wrote this above as well, but:

          People keep mentioning that this is a call center, but the letter doesn’t say that. It’s possible that it is, but the letter says that PART of their job is customer support. I definitely know other workplaces than call centers that give customer support sometimes, especially when they launch a new product. So all this speculation about how six years is way too long for a call center isn’t even based in what the letter says.

        4. Biff*

          If’ she’s part time, it might make sense. When I worked in a call-center, I believe part timers didn’t attain seniority.

        5. Spf*

          You’ve never worked in a unionized call center…say at a telecom. This story is most likely true from my experiences in exactly that environment. I applaud her strength and recognizing her value as an employee and more so, a human being.

        6. Michael J. "Orange Mike" Lowrey*

          It could be the only game in town outside of working for Wal-Mart or the local prison. Not every place has a lot of options; I still work at near-minimum wage on my second job, after 38 years (no, I’m not least senior; but it’s retail).

      3. Cookie*

        I think seniority may refer to the hierarchy, not her tenure with that organization. Others might have been newer, but hired at a different title (maybe due to already having a degree).

      4. the.kat*

        If the LW and her team are in charge of new product releases, they might have a specialized team, taken out of the major workforce. This would explain both the cliquishness (special people pick their special friends to work with them on a special project) and how the LW’s victim ended up the low man on the totem pole (best performer is moved up to a special project with others who have more experience).

        As someone who watched this nonsense happen at the call center I worked at, nothing in this letter rings false. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

      5. themmases*

        I disagree with the comments about her seniority.

        The letter says that some of the team had to work, not just one person. She could just be the 10th most junior on a day 10 people had to work. And that doesn’t even have to be most junior on the whole team, just of people “available” to work according to whatever other rules this organization follows when they make a schedule.

        Once all the graduate’s coworkers (potentially junior to her) switched off that shift, everyone left who was not already involved in a switch was senior to her.

        People always suggest that these letters are fake and I really don’t see why. In real life people behave in really crappy ways all the time. They display little self-awareness because a) obviously they thought they were justified, that’s why they did that crappy thing, and b) most people think they’re decent, so it’s in their best interest to keep telling themselves so especially when they’ve behaved badly.

    4. Rusty Shackelford*

      Okay, let’s say she was a real harpy, and her coworkers had good reason not to like her. That still doesn’t get the LW off the hook. Good managers don’t make their employees responsible for finding their own coverage, and good managers don’t give their best employee the “work this extra shift or get fired” ultimatum in these circumstances.

      1. babblemouth*

        Yes, even if the employee had been average, she would have deserved a minimum of help from her manager to attend her own graduation.

    5. WhatTheWhat?*

      I am not sure I understand your beef either? Are you on the OPs side? I am “friendly” with co-workers but don’t have deep friendships with co-workers outside of work. I really don’t expect to be punished because I chose to keep work life and personal life separate, which is what it sounds like goes on in the atmosphere. As a direct result of the OPs management style. I agree the OP should not offer her a job or school her on professionalism, as she clearly does not have a style anyone should try to mirror.

    6. LQ*

      I wonder if this wasn’t a union environment which to me might explain the extremely long seniority and the focus on seniority over best employee and the very strict following of rules about “cost”.

    7. Elizabeth West*

      Eh, I’ve had jobs where I wasn’t buddy-buddy with coworkers. We weren’t there to be slumber party pony friends. We were there to work. If Awesome Employee was willing to cover their shifts but they wouldn’t cover hers, and the OP says the group were friends outside work, I’d assume (I’m sure rightly) that the group was taking HUGE advantage of her.

      In other words, they were jerks and they ganged up on her. I have also had jobs where this has happened to me, no matter how great a job I did, and I’ve seen it happen to other people. Because not all working adults have mentally left middle school.

  72. Virginian*

    Why couldn’t you have covered for her instead, OP? Part of being a good manager means supporting your staff in their professional goals and this is definitely something you should have been supportive of.

    1. NASA*

      I was thinking the same exact thing!

      OP should have covered for 2 hours if no one else could. OP could have demonstrated what a greater leader would do…

  74. Leatherwings*

    OP, if you’re reading this I hope you’ll consider getting some additional management training. It sounds like you could really benefit from it.

    This kind of stuff doesn’t always come naturally, and you’ll foster a better working environment and retain better employees if you work on your management skills.

  75. Yggdrasil*

    OP, you got off easy, both with your employee and Alison. Rather than shovel more crap onto this employee on top of what you already have, perhaps it’s time to let it go.

  76. Andy*

    Dear Allison: If OP comes back to add something that brings this back from the Dark Side can you move it up in the Comments? I’m kind of desperate to hear that SOMETHING is missing from this letter that makes the pile-on unnecessary/unwarranted. Otherwise it’s just all bad. all. bad.

    1. AK*

      Agreed. I’ve read through all of these comments hoping the OP would come back and add something that would make this less awful on OP’s part. So far, nothing. It’s just all bad.

    2. Biff*

      I wonder if the employee gave very, very little notice on the graduation. As in, only 3-4 days worth of notice. In that case, I can kinda see the point being made here. (However, the weird comment about the cost of concert tickets gives the impression of someone who is out-of-step.) While I could definitely shuffle around hours to make room for a concert I knew about three weeks in advance, I can see how you might not be able to adjust with three, four days to go.

      1. KR*

        Yeah – I had an employee call out for a shift with a couple days notice because he didn’t take prom off (which is a big deal to someone in high school working at a grocery store). I opened up the schedule book and started giving him names of people who weren’t working that day to ask for coverage since it would look so bad for him to call out for prom and he didn’t want to bother since he had already asked a few people for coverage and couldn’t find any. It just struck me as ridiculous that he had to buy the prom ticket, rent his tux, find a date, and find a ride/make plans with his friends and hear his whole school talk about it and still forgot to take the day off work with 2 weeks in advance. I made sure to write it all down when I recorded his call out (but he was still allowed to take the day off because it was his prom and sure we were short staffed, but he was able to have a good time at something that was important to him). However, this was a shift that wasn’t usually a scheduled shift for this employee and it sounds like it might have come up last minute and maybe the employee didn’t ask for it off because she didn’t plan on being assigned on a day that she didn’t normally work/the office wasn’t usually open for.

      2. Diluted_TortoiseShell*

        From what the OP paints of her:

        “By far my best employee”
        “Covers for others”
        “Takes the worst shits”

        I do not see “forgets to ask for time off with reasonable timeframe” as a likely scenario.

      3. Jennifer*

        Makes me wonder how much notice ahead of time is allowed to be given in this job.

  77. KT*

    This post makes me equal parts irrationally angry and incredibly sad.

    OP, I’m sure you’re going to get a lot of (deserved) flack. But if you can learn from it…I hope you contact me (click on my name and go to the contact section of my website).

    Instead of contacting the employee yourself, please give me her info. I’d love to call her to hire her myself. I’ve been looking for a good assistant, and with her work ethic, I sure wouldn’t have to worry about her working remotely.

    I am 100% serious. Please send her my way. Employees like that are tough to find.

  78. fposte*

    Oh, OP. This is going to be a hard comments section for you, I’m afraid.

    I think that you may have been creating your own management policies without much input from above, and that you have a lot of longterm employees, so you’re doing pretty well on that front. Maybe you even feel that you’re going above and beyond to allow for the flexibility you do when it comes for shift coverage and were worried it would creep into other areas.

    But that doesn’t mean you can’t make a big mistake when faced with something new (I know–I’ve done it and will do it again, I’m sure). This is something most employers would give time off for, and this is an employee most people would do it for. No matter how great things are going otherwise, you blew it here, and you’ll be a better manager if you can take a breath and realize that. Even if you take emotion and ethics out of the picture and look at it as sheer pragmatism, the fact that employment is a two-way street means that making people not want to work for you will have its cost for you.

    I know some people are saying not to reach out to the employee–I think that there’s merit in your doing so, though, not so much to get her back as to apologize and to assure her you would be a good reference. It’s a conclusion to the event that would be good for both of you. Just text it or leave it on voice mail–you don’t have to talk to her directly.

    1. Leatherwings*

      This is a really compassionate and helpful response, I hope OP read it and takes it to heart.

    3. Dr. Doll*

      I’d been searching for fposte’s response because I knew it would be constructive and kind as well as direct and honest. OP, do what fposte says.

    4. Felix*

      It’s commenters like you, fposte, that make this blog’s comment section worth reading and a place I want to comment on too! Thanks for your always insightful thoughts!

  79. Amelia Earhart*

    Aside from offering her the job back (which I would be hesitant to accept), the nicest thing you could do for her is to provide her the kind of glowing reference you gave in your letter, OP.

  80. Anon Accountant*

    I love everything AAM just posted. 100% agree. She sounds like she really beat the odds. And 2 hours? Could OP have covered in these circumstances? A great employee who asked to come in 2 hours later for a good reason and couldn’t find coverage? I’m not a manager or supervisor but I’d have covered for her if at all possible.

      1. Anon Accountant*

        My ex manager, a grocery store assistant manager, covered cashier shifts a few times when needed. He never thought twice of it. Still makes me have the utmost respect for him to this day, 10 years later. Plus thought nothing of cleaning restrooms as needed.

      2. Katie the Fed*

        I did that this weekend when we needed coverage on the holiday. But I’ve been away from that kind of work for so long I had to have my employees train me on the specific task – they were entertained :)

  81. Jaguar*

    I just want to applaud the girl who quit. She’s punk and she has my respect. I would have just not gone in to work that day and dealt with whatever grief OP gave me the day afterwards, quitting at that point if needed. Quitting on the spot is amazing.

    1. Petronella*

      Yes, I loved the quitting on the spot, as well as taking the time to prepare an itemized list of the occasions she’d covered for other people, worked holidays, come in on days off, etc. I’d have bought a ticket to see the look on the OP’s face at that moment.

      1. Jennifer*

        The employee knew darned well this was going to happen, apparently, to have that list at the ready.

  83. GlamNonprofitSquirrel*

    In the unlikely event that the OP is still reading this from the well-deserved thrashing given in the comments above, I want to point out that the OP seems to equate professionalism with his/her staff sorting things out among themselves for schedule purposes. OP, you aren’t a manager. You’ve confused managing with corralling, leading with avoiding and inspiring with disappointing. Perhaps it’s your industry, maybe it’s your company or it could be you.

    My advice is for you to see this is as a professional wake up call and move on. Go work for someone who manages, leads and inspires. Take copious notes. Maybe go back to school and get additional education (for which a great boss will arrange time off and maybe even a little celebration) and learn how to be a better manager.

    And in the even more unlikely event that the Best Employee Ever reads this blog, let us know if you’re looking for work. You’re the kind of employee who makes me want to be the best boss ever!

  84. ZuKeeper*

    I’d have left on the spot as well. This is your best employee and you couldn’t make an exception for her on such a milestone occasion? (And counting not just the cost of her education, she would also have shelled out money for her cap & gown, announcements, etc., which all adds up to enormous costs involved!)

    I’m amazed that with this attitude, you have long term employees, and after this example of the way you treat your best employees, I wouldn’t be surprised if morale just went way downhill.

    You need to reach out and apologize, and then give her a great recommendation when asked. Don’t bother asking her to come back, she seems smart enough to say, “No, thank you.”

  85. I'm Not Phyllis*

    I’m afraid I have to agree with Alison here. If you’re going to call her at all, it should be to apologize because this situation was grossly mishandled. You weren’t willing to give your best employee two hours off to go to her graduation, but another employee could have time off to attend a concert? I understand the whole concept of seniority but here – it wasn’t the most important factor. And for what it’s worth, it was pretty crappy of her coworkers not to trade shifts with her so she could go (really, nobody?) – I would have done that in a heartbeat.

    Yes, quitting on the spot generally isn’t a great idea but to be honest I would have done it in this situation as well. Putting herself through school while working and having no support was no small feat and she absolutely deserved to be able to celebrate that accomplishment.

  86. AnnonaMomma*

    The whole time I was reading this I kept thinking, “This is a joke… this can’t be real…. this is a fake letter… right?”

    OP, I am sorry for the flack you are gonna get here, but honestly, in this case it is deserved. Really take a step back and think about what happened here and how you handled this situation and I hope learn from this incredibly silly and callous mistake.

    This employee deserved to have the whole day off to celebrate her accomplishment. The fact that she was willing to come in after her graduation ceremony speaks volumes to the kind of dedicated employee you lost.

    1. Jeanne*

      I have no problem believing it’s real. I’ve seen and heard of lots of bosses who act like this. Find replacement yourself if you want off, not going to approve time off iff it causes the manager to make an effort or do work, etc. I believe every word of it.

    2. HRish Dude*

      I’ve known managers who wouldn’t let people off on the day of surgeries because of lack of coverage. This is just a drop in the bucket.

  87. SaraV*

    OP, over the past 6(!) years, you have taken and taken from this person’s “bucket” of generosity in her work flexibility. (Even if she gladly volunteered or didn’t complain) She comes to you and just asks for a “spoonful” to be put back in her bucket, to attend a once-in-a-lifetime event that celebrates a huge achievement for her, and a)you ask her to find her own “spoon”, and b)refuse to step in and help when she can’t find one.

    I am/have been that “go-to” person that jumps in to help out at the last minute, or over a weekend/holiday, or in some type of work crisis. If I came to you with this scenario, and you responded in this way, MAYBE I don’t quit on the spot. But I sure start looking hard for a new job, because your response would have clearly told me how much I’m “valued”.

  88. MashaKasha*

    I have nothing to add to the comments and to Alison’s fantastic response, other than that OP really should not worry that this employee will “derail her career by doing this again and thinking it is okay”. First of all, there is hardly any chance of something like this ever happening – by “this”, I mean being denied a minor schedule change to accommodate a major life event, even while other teammates are being granted similar requests because they have buddies to switch with or because “there’s cost involved”. I’ve never had anything like this happen to me, anyone I’ve worked with, or anyone I know. If her future employers find out what happened, that would tell them that she has a spine, knows where to draw the line, and knows when the work environment is toxic enough that it is time to leave. And that she has good organizational skills (she did produce a list on short notice of all the times she had covered for others.) All good qualities that aren’t likely to derail her career.

    If it’s any consolation, she would’ve probably eventually left anyway. Now that she has a college degree, I suspect she’s overqualified for this job.

    From personal experience, I’ve quit jobs on the spot before where an employer walked over me to a greater extent than I was comfortable with. Didn’t derail my career one bit. One guy promised me some kind of a divine karmic punishment for leaving his company without notice. Three weeks later, I found a better job that paid several times more, must’ve been that karmic punishment he’d warned me about.

  89. Slippy*

    Maybe I missed something in my quick read but…..
    How did this (now former) employee not have any kind of seniority after six years of going above and beyond?

    And to the former employee I say “Bravo!”…

    1. JTD*

      I suspect “seniority” is based on job rank, not length of service.

      All I know is that if it was absolutely horrific at work, and both I and our daytime cleaner needed time off in a similar situation, my manager would cover my job and our CEO would clean the toilets himself if no-one else were available.

      1. DMented Kitty*

        ^^ could be this reason

        Or — I’m 5 years into my work in IT, and I’m still the least senior of everyone, tenure-wise. My title shows I have a senior role, but everyone in my team has worked 10+ years.

        The manufacturing company I interned in had a supervisor that worked for 10 years before she got promoted. It all depends on the industry and type of work, or just how the company works. It’s possible.

  90. Britt*

    Oh man this letter makes me mad. Her college graduation? How do you acknowledge all her hardship she’s faced and her great work ethic and then deny her 2 hours off to attend her graduation ceremony, a pivotal life event for her, with a straight face? I hope Alison’s advice and the feedback you’ve gotten here seriously opens your eyes to what a grave mistake you’ve made her. To offer someone time off for concert tickets and not extend the same courtesy to your best employee is downright disgraceful. I would have quit on the spot too – I will always, always remember my college graduation and the pride I felt that day…imagine if your employee had blown off that substantial moment for herself to answer your company’s BS customer service calls (and as someone who worked extensively in customer service, I wouldn’t trade many experiences to be sitting on that phone again).

    I keep hearing Cersei in my head from the finale….shame, shame, shame.

  91. HRish Dude*

    I think the part that flabbergasted me most about this was that I was expecting at the end for the question to be along the lines of “How do I fix this?”

    It certainly wasn’t the question that was posed.

    1. Persephone Mulberry*

      This! I was wincing as I read that the OP didn’t give the requested time off, but my jaw hit the floor when I found out her question was “how do I chastise this (ex) employee for her actions?”

  92. animaniactoo*

    #1 – Concert tickets can be resold. Or gifted. The value isn’t lost just because money is already spent.

    There is no way to get back a college graduation. And it wasn’t even somebody else’s graduation. It was her own! Her own!

    Would you have told her that she had to miss her own wedding? Or is that life event “important” enough in your eyes? Because you really seem not to get how big a deal a graduation ceremony is, particularly for somebody who had to fight harder than most to achieve getting there.

    #2 – If it helps any, it sounds like she didn’t just quit because you wouldn’t let her go. It sounds like she looked around and realized that a whole bunch of her co-workers were quite happy to take advantage of her and her willingness to cover shifts for them at the drop of a hat – such that she was your go-to person – but not willing to have her back when she needed help.

    You let them get away with it to boot.

    I’m not sure that you understand that the gist of your letter reads “My extremely valuable employee stood up for herself when I tried to take advantage of her, and I’m upset with her about it.”

    As for quitting on the spot? Given that she was going to her graduation one way or the other, how much notice could she have given you anyway? At your request, she’d already jumped through hoops that you should have taken care of for her, and gotten nowhere. What choice did you – and her coworkers – genuinely leave her with?

    1. Jasper*

      Plus, this was for a day that *wasn’t actually part of her job in the first place*.

      It takes a hell of a lot of nerve to ask people to come in for unexpected involuntary overtime in the first place, never mind then being upset when not everyone can do it.

  93. Erin*

    Wow. She worked there for *six years* (apparently not as long as anyone else, but SIX years), she was your BEST employee, and you wouldn’t let her go to her own graduation? And you made an exception for someone else for a concert?

    I don’t care about the expense of the concert – a well earned degree from taking night classes and having a hard life with zero family support is much, much more important than an effing concert. The fact that you knew this backstory behind the degree makes your reaction that much more shocking.

    This is truly appalling. Of course she quit on the spot. It’s your prerogative to manage as you (and your boss) see fit, but yeah. This will most surely lead you down the path to losing more of your best employees.

    (This is the harshest I’ve ever been with a comment on here. I’m a nice person. I’m sure you’re a nice person. But again, wow.)

  94. Suzanne*

    Been there, witnessed similar situations, including a co-worker at a contract position who was called under the carpet for missing a day of work…due to a miscarriage. We were only allowed 7 days off in a year for any reason. There were no authorized days off allowed: no sick days, personal days, vacation days, etc. Any day you did not show up was counted as an incident. This woman had already missed a couple of days due to sickness or car problems, so this miscarriage day put her on “probation.”

    This was 6 or 7 years ago. I am still appalled.

    So, OP, consider the reputation for your company when you are so inflexible. People do have lives outside of work.

    2. Allison*

      Reminds me of the young woman in Canada who was recently fired after having a serious allergic reaction at work, and needed to go to the hospital before her shift ended. Some employers care so much about demanding flawless reliability they forget their employees are humans.

    3. Clinical Social Worker*

      People calling the OP a fake letter need to read this comment. Obscene awful stuff like this happens all the time and I’m sure the people who placed your coworker on probation were similarly oblivious and unthinking.

    4. Jennifer*

      So she should have staggered into work while bleeding? Probably would have gotten written up for that too.

  95. WhichSister*

    Can I nominate this OP for worst boss of the year? I mean its no public shaming, nor is she setting off bombs in the workplace, but what a complete disregard for her employees. Wow.

    2. Jennifer*

      I think at the rate we’re going we need “Worst Boss of the Month” and then have a bracket at the end of the year.

  96. deathstar*

    Nope, OP; this one’s on you. Plus, it’s kind of low to then volunteer the information about her broken background, as if that explained anything about her at all.

    1. Some Sort of Management Consultant*

      Yes! A “She should be grateful for all the things I’ve done for her!!!!”-mentality.

    2. Anonymous Educator*

      Fortunately, that backfired. I guess it was meant to be either “She should be grateful to have a job” or “Her background means she doesn’t have the amazing professionalism training I’ve had,” but it turned out to just make us readers feel even more that the OP’s employee was in the right and had to overcome even more hardship to earn that degree and do as well as she did in that job.

  97. itsjustsus*

    Thanks for saying so AAM. I wanted to scream more after every sentence of this letter. This person is so blatantly unaware that she sounds like an assh*le I almost have sympathy that she’s gone through life like this; however my sympathy for her employees overpowers that. Not everything in the workplace remains in the professional realm. We’re not robots for God’s sake. Basic human compassion is an essential part of good management.

  98. Van Wilder*

    I’m not going to pile on the OP. So side note… the coworkers? They’ll only trade with their friends I guess. I don’t know the politics here but seems like not the nicest place to work.

    1. Gaara*

      Man, they sound like jerks! This is another good reason for her to have quit — beyond the manager’s fault — and I think she was saying that when she listed all the times she had covered for other people.

      The more I think about it, the more I think it’s highly unlikely that the OP could hire her back, even if they tried.

    2. PollyQ*

      It is possible that they all had committments of their own. The real problem is with the system that requires employees to dig up their own coverage.

      1. MashaKasha*

        The letter said that a number of people later switched with their friends for the same day; after telling the graduating employee that they couldn’t switch with her.

    3. MashaKasha*

      Right? But they were okay with all those times when she filled in for them. Where was their loyalty to their friends then, may I ask? Yup, I suspect I wouldn’t have enjoyed working there, either.

  99. LQ*

    OP I really hope you read these comments and consider some of the things people said. Now what could you have done? What should you have done?
    Switched the schedules so that you retain your best employee. There is nothing wrong with this, this is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
    Work those two hours yourself. For bonus being a good boss and a good employer that wants to retain top quality employees (which she was), tell her congratulations and offer to let her have the whole day off (paid). This is a perfectly fine precedent to set, if your top employee graduates from college you give them a day off to attend the ceremony and celebrate.

    I’m going to make the assumption that you were feeling hamstrung by union regulations, because I can’t imagine any other reason why you wouldn’t have stepped in, and employers are often confused by union regulations. In this case you say, hey, I understand this is a problem, this is where I’m at, I’m not sure what we can do, why don’t you talk to your union rep? I would imagine they’d also be incredibly empathetic to the situation and find a way to resolve this with the woman being able to go to her own graduation.

    1. Kelly L.*

      This sounds like the kind of job that probably doesn’t have a union, to me. Call center or the like.

      2. Rusty Shackelford*

        But how is it possible that someone who works for 6 years in a call center doesn’t have seniority?

        1. Kelly L.*

          True. I do know of jobs where that could happen–for example, I briefly worked at a small-town library, was one of three people they brought on around the same time, and we were about the only people there who hadn’t been there for decades. Like I said, small town, and really the only game in town for that field, and people just started working there and then never left. You’re right, that doesn’t really fit a call center.

          I wonder if OP misunderstands what seniority is.

        2. Leatherwings*

          Maybe the place has 200 employees and the top ten of them who have been around a long time including the graduate work on a specific project? Who knows? I’m not sure it’s useful to speculate/nitpick how credible the details are.

          1. Rusty Shackelford*

            I’m not disputing the details. I’m commenting on the hypothesis that the LW could be working in a call center.

        3. Ann Onymous*

          I have the most seniority in my department (two years) while all three of my co-workers here have less than a year in this department. However all of them have been with the company for over a decade and I only have worked here for two years. So it could be company wide as opposed to within that department.

        4. Not the Droid You are Looking For*

          My first thought was small(ish) town. I have a friend whose husband was finally able to move off nights after 8 years of working at the same plant.

        5. LQ*

          I know call centers that have lots of employees that have been there for 10++ years. I do think it is entirely plausible for it to be that. (And providing customer support over the phone sounds like a call center of some kind, so I think that those who are calling it that are totally in line.) You have a small town, you have good pay, I think it could.

          Unusual? YUP! But that doesn’t mean it never happens.

      3. LQ*

        There are some call centers that do. And some of those places are places where people could end up sticking around for a very long time. And some of those places the supervisors rigidly stick to the rules things like “seniority” mattering more than if a person is the best employee.

        I can’t imagine another possible reason that someone would do this to their best employee other than incredibly strict rule following to the point of not being able to function, which is what this is. So trying to give a benefit of the doubt on this.

      1. LQ*

        Yes, but it is trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the OP that they are struggling with this and that this might be a way to deal with it.

    3. A. Nonymous*

      I think this sounds like the OP manages in a collections center/call center or something like that. No union, just a toxic culture.

      1. LQ*

        That could be, but I was trying to be helpful rather than piling on and trying to find a way that they might be struggling to make sense of this. If you are in a culture for so long that you can’t see anything else it can be hard to see out and how your position doesn’t make sense to others.

  100. Anonyhippo*

    I would have quit too. What incredibly bad judgement on the part of the OP! This person needs to get out of management or else take remedial classes.

    OP, YOU should have picked up her 2 hour shift. This is what good managers do when they can’t arrange coverage (or don’t bother in this case).

    I hope you’ve learned a lesson about priorities.

  101. Gaara*

    OP, how you could think a $70 concert ticket warrants your intervention, but a college graduation for your best worker who has overcome come such adversity does not, is simply beyond me. Don’t offer her the job back if you don’t want to (although if I were you, I’d think hard about doing so), but don’t reach out to her to school her on professional norms.

    It’s not your place anymore, since she doesn’t work for you anymore. More importantly, I’d say her behavior was much more professional and respectable than yours.

  102. Lila*

    This was the most DISGUSTING LETTER I HAVE READ IN A VERY LONG TIME.

    How DARE the OP bring up the poor woman’s history (which she most likely told her in confidence), these type of people make my blood boil.

    If I was the young woman, not only would I have quit, but I would have had some very choice words to this manager! I would’ve written about my experience online in a blog and I would have most DEFINITELY filed a complaint against her with corporate.

    She gave you SIX years of her life and was your BEST employee and you treat her like this???

    Simply disgusting.

    1. HRish Dude*

      Yeah – the manager was already pretty far in the red before she even brought that part up.

      1. Anon Moose*

        And rereading the letter- she brought it up only to show how inexperienced the woman was and that was why she was unprofessional. How can those things come into the picture when LW wants to contact and lecture the employee but not come into consideration when you need to move around schedules one time? You want to use her lack of mentors/a support system to justify telling her about her professionalism but you didn’t care about those things when you considered whether you should move around schedules so she could attend her hard fought graduation? Just… what? It doesn’t sound like caring was any part of why her background was brought up, and that is very possible that her background has been used against her/ made people judge her at this workplace, not see her as an example. I think if LW thinks about that a bit more, they may find that there’s more than one reason the employee left.

        1. Critter*

          Right?? All along I was kind of like “well that’s weird” and “huh you’re looking kinda jerky here” and that one threw it over the edge into “HOLY CRAP”. “Here are reasons why she acted like this, isn’t it unprofessional”? I mean WHAT.

    2. Lana Kane*

      Bringing up the employee’s history was the cherry on the condescension sundae, because it reads as “Look at how badly she behaved, but I still want to be the bigger person and help her”.

      1. Diluted_TortoiseShell*

        As a newly minted middle class American, I often feel like I am playing a game in which I do not know the rules against players with years of tutelage on these social norms.

        I personally do not want to harp on the OP for getting this wrong, because I do not want to discourage others from “overstepping” and providing some guidance to young people who have risen above their social class (or even dipped in social class as the trends may be). This is the one part of the letter where I think the OP was trying to do good, but was just way off base.

  103. OfficeGoth*

    Oh dear lord, this letter made me so mad I had to go for a walk round my office to calm down…

    What horrendous treatment of what sounds like an incredible woman. I’m not sure I would have quit so professionally – good on her! OP I would seriously SERIOUSLY review your management style ASAP.

    1. Lila*

      Me either! I would have said some very unprofessional things!!!! It is SO hard to stay in a position for even over a year. Can you imagine staying for 6 years and being treated this way? Plus working overtime and helping others also, AND going to school. I am in tears now. Because I am in school on top of full time work and it is HARD. this was so unfair. Thinking of myself at the finish line on that stage is all that keeps me going.

    2. Anon Moose*

      The list of times she has covered for you and other employees… that was some restraint the employee showed.

      1. Anon Moose*

        And by the above I mean that there are likely many more things she wanted to say to you, but was too upset/ concerned they would be unprofessional. That list was a message, and the OP has not heeded it. It was not about “not getting her way” it was about not getting any consideration on such an important day when she has given OP/ the other employees significant consideration over six years.

  104. Molly*

    Reading this made me cry.

    She worked so hard at her job because she knew what it’s like to homeless and didn’t want to go back to that. Plus since she has no one to fall back on for support in hard times I would wager she probably worked all those extra shifts and holidays so she could save every cent possible for emergencies. Meanwhile, you couldn’t even give her TWO HOURS to attend what is likely the best and most important event she’s ever had in her life? I can’t imagine how it must feel for someone who was once homeless to quit a job without something lined up. That right there should tell you how wrong you were. She’s wasn’t unprofessional one in this situation.

  105. Caledonia*

    You…switched another employee’s cover because of tickets to a concert but not to a graduation!?

    I can’t even.

  106. YourUnfriendlyPhlebotomist.*

    I have to call shenanigans
    You say it went based on seniority because no one volunteered but then said “and volunteered to take on overtime from others who were scheduled” so apparently some people did volunteer.
    Such a horrible manager would have a more frequent turn over rate for what is very likely an entry level job- its phone support for a product that the employee in question didn’t graduate collage to do, people don’t stay at jobs like that for long in such a toxic environment not to mention it sounds like a relatively good sized department- you have the person with concert tickets, the good employee, and “Some people” who switched with their ‘friends’ please if someone manages a group of 10 people at a minimum for an entry level job where not one of them has been there less than 6 years please speak up and tell me I’m wrong.
    2 hours at the beginning of a shift for her own graduation isn’t logical…id need longer than that to attend a kindergarten graduation.

    1. Yep, me again*

      nope, you’r’e right. I’d worked these kind of jobs. Longest I’ve stayed (anywhere) is 3 years.

      And the line at a graduation will take at least one hour for people to receive their diplomas. My niece’s high school graduation (35 people, super tiny) took 3 hours start to finish. Unless that graduation starts at 7 or 8 in the morning, it’s not reasonable to conclude 2 hours are needed.

      1. some1*

        That’s what stuck out to me, too – having to find your own coverage for a day off is such a pain that most people move on from jobs like that as soon as they can. I have a hard time believing you have two people who have stayed six years.

        1. Lana Kane*

          If they’re all friends and can switch coverage relatively easily without any oversight (like the kind that might make them responsible for covering for anyone, not just their pals), it might actually be better for them in the end.

      2. Allison*

        Yup. We were a huge class so we actually had about 4 lines going at once, and continuous movement, but there were a LOT of speeches and honorary degrees issued first . . . we had to be there so early too! But by the time we were done it was lunchtime.

      3. Jeanne*

        It says 2 hours late. It doesn’t say the graduation takes 2 hours. If the shift starts at noon and the employee wants to come in at 2pm that’s time for a longer graduation in the morning. We don’t have those details.

      4. Effective Immediately*

        Depends on what the work hours are, though. If you work a 12-8 shift, and graduation starts at 9, you could reasonably only ask for the first two hours off.

    3. Rusty Shackelford*

      You’re assuming graduation started at the beginning of her shift. For all we know, her graduation was scheduled for 10 am and her shift started at 1 pm.

        1. Rusty Shackelford*

          Assuming you’re also the unfriendly phlebotomist, I was responding to this:

          2 hours at the beginning of a shift for her own graduation isn’t logical…id need longer than that to attend a kindergarten graduation.

          As I said, it could be completely logical, if her graduation started well before her shift.

              1. a*

                User “Yep, me again” for some reason assumed that user “Rusty Shackleford” was replying to her, when Rusty was actually replying to the user “YourUnfriendlyPhebotomist.”

                I don’t know why Yep assumed that.

    4. The Florist*

      In regards to the length of time for the graduation ceremony, it could depend on what time the ceremony was and what time the shift started at. My graduation ceremony was at 8:00 in the morning and I went to work at my waitressing job at 2:00 that afternoon. The graduation ceremony could have been early and the shift could have started late. Also another employee was given permission to leave early for a concert and as far as I know most concerts happen in the evening. Maybe it was an afternoon shift.

      1. YourUnfriendlyPhlebotomist*

        The OP mentions that the good employee is her go to for holidays and weekends but never mentions night shifts or evenings – the person going to the concert only needs to leave two hours early

        1. The Florist*

          I was thinking along the lines of a morning graduation (like mine) with the shift starting in afternoon at 12 or 1 and ending at 8 or 9. The graduating employee asks to come in at 2 or 3 instead because the ceremony will be over by then. The employee with the concert tickets asks to leave at 6 or 7 because the concert is in the evening. I know I’m guessing at things like how long the shift is and exact start times but that’s how I read it.

        2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          She also points out that for this specific instance, they were pulling in coverage for times they normally weren’t available.

    5. gingersnap*

      It depends…..I graduated (twice!) from a large state university that required all graduation ceremonies be 90 minutes or shorter. Granted, with parking and traffic that could easily become a 4 hour event, but depending on how the shift start and ceremony start times line up, and a perfectly planned route from school to work (perfected over six years of rushing back and forth)….I think it could happen, in a pinch.

    6. Just Another Techie*

      Unless she was scheduled for second or third shift. If she was scheduled to work, say 3pm-11pm, or 5pm-midnight, she might plausibly have only needed an extra two hours to get to the end of the graduation ceremony. And since this was a special product launch, and OP says the worst shifts go to low-seniority employees, it seems eminently plausible to me.

    7. Biff*

      I disagree based on my own call-center experience.

      Our part time people never gained seniority, as far as I could tell. Full time employees always had more seniority than part timers.

      In a town with few other options that might work with a college schedule, plenty of people stayed at a craptacular position for a very long time. Especially part-timers. Call center work is much more manageable at 20hrs/wk than 40hrs/wk.

      We had weird swing-shifts that started around 1- 3pm. So if she had a morning graduation and the class was not huge (which is perfectly possible even at some state schools.) it might have finished around 2-4pm.

    8. Elizabeth West*

      Well, I can see all the coworkers who are friends outside the job staying at this place for years–because the manager lets them do whatever they want. The OP said she lets them handle their own scheduling and doesn’t interfere. That leaves them free to be as dysfunctional as they can be. And it practically set up the situation for the poor employee.

      Bottom line, people will continue to get away with shit forever if nobody calls them on it. Why would they go anywhere else?

  107. Aubergine Dreams*

    There are a lot of things I want to say, but it’s mostly been said by others. Instead, I will say this.

    Throughout the letter, you are very focused on what this employee did for YOU, how losing the employee is bad for YOU. She was your go-to person for weekends and holidays, and now you don’t have that person to rely on. She was your best employee, and now you don’t have here there. Mostly, you seem to be upset that you lost a great employee, and frankly, that’s the consequence of the decision you made. You were free to turn down her request (although I strongly think you should have accommodated it, it was for 2 hours for crying out loud), but she was also free to choose what was more important to her. You made a decision, and that decision had consequences. Now you’re mad at her for it. You don’t really get to be mad at her for it. Take this as a learning experience. She didn’t quit because she “didn’t get her way”, she made a choice based on the information you gave her.

    Maybe step back and think about the impact your actions had on HER.

    1. 2horseygirls*

      Eerily reminiscent of the scene in IronMan2 where Pepper says ” Let me just stop you right there, because if you say the word ‘I’ one more time I’m going to actually hurl something at your head.”

    2. Jennifer*

      I think the OP is going to learn on her own how bad this was. To quote from Pretty Woman: “Big mistake. Huge.” Good luck getting the other employees to do weekends and holidays, because they don’t sound like the sorts who would do it.

  108. Lila*

    Bosses like this are the reason people have mental health and physical health issues! I have bosses like this that made me cry myself to sleep, caused me to loose weight due to stress and slip into depression. THINK before you act so cruelly to employees!! As a manager you AFFECT their lives on and off the clock! This makes me so so so sad for her. I can only imagine her pain, she is alone in the world, and her work treats her like she was worthless. I can relate and it is very sad!

    1. KR*

      Yes, bosses please remember that you affect your employees’ life outside the job either by the hours you have them work, the way you treat them at work, how much you pay them, ect.

  109. Jubilance*

    Wow. I try to be nice to the people who write in, but OP, you were heartless in this situation.

    You recognize that she has managed to overcome numerous obstacles to graduate from college. You also acknowledge that she was your best employee. And then you acknowledge that you intervened to get people to switch shifts when someone had concert tickets…but you couldn’t intervene for your BEST EMPLOYEE to attend her college graduation and come in 2 hours late? You couldn’t even do the coverage yourself?

    I don’t blame her for quitting on the spot and I don’t think she was unprofessional. This poor woman has been a model employee, by your own admission, and you reward her by doing absolutely nothing to help her be able to attend a huge milestone event in her life. If she was a mediocre employee, I could see being apathetic…but your BEST EMPLOYEE? And you tell her “I guess you’re SOL, you have to come to work”?

    That’s just downright cruel.

  110. BananaPants*

    So let me get this straight. OP wouldn’t make a special one-time arrangement for her “best employee by far”- who was never late in SIX YEARS and covered holidays and weekends – to take the day off or come in a bit late in order to attend her freaking college graduation? But OP was totally fine with making an exception for another employee to go to a concert because they paid for the tickets. A *concert* was perceived as a special circumstance but in her mind there’s nothing special about the department’s best employee wanting to go to her own college graduation ceremony.

    OP, I’m just gobsmacked that you think you should insult the former employee by trying to impart what you think “professional norms”. If you tried she would be fully justified in telling you where to stick your norms! You let your employees swap shifts among themselves in a way that favors a small clique who cover for each other, and you were so short sighted that you let your best employee quit on the spot rather than offering her some flexibility. I hope she finds a new and much better job soon, hopefully with a boss who appreciates her commitment and hard work.

    Hell, in your shoes I would have covered at least the first few hours of the employee’s shift myself if it meant she could go and get her diploma after what had to be a long and challenging process of working her way through college – especially given her background. And I’d have had a cake waiting for her when she got into the office. Christ on a cracker, I don’t even with this one…

  111. A. Nonymous*

    I’m at a complete loss here. You just sound so horrifically ungrateful to her for everything she did for you. What was going thru your head, Letter Writer? You couldn’t be without her for //TWO HOURS//. If you want to do anything for this person you’d better be prepared to give the best reference possible.

    Please learn from this and I hope that your ex employee finds work that values her.

  112. Sparky*

    Well, now OP and the coworkers can scramble to cover all the worst shifts the employee used to take, evenings, weekends, holidays, overtime. Without this employee, someone is going to have to do the scut work she did for 6 years. I hope some office friendships are fractured over this. I hope the employee had a better job lined up, now that she has a college degree, and just skipped giving her two weeks notice.

    1. Sparky*

      Oh, and when asked why she left her last job, New Grad has a great story to tell. But probably no one will believe her, that a manager could manage so poorly.

      1. Important Moi*

        Well, when OP is contacted as a reference, she can offer the story. The listener can come to their own conclusion!

    2. Jeanne*

      It’s going to be fun for everyone getting those shifts covered. I wonder how long those friendships will last when they all have to work crappy hours.

  113. Gandalf the Nude*

    Alison, I’d bet money this one is going to pick up traction on the interwebs today and bring in a whole bunch of unfamiliar commenters like those letters last week. I hope you’re ready to keep an eye on the comments all day. (Some of them here already feel a little too uncharitable.)

    1. Mustache Cat*

      Yes, really. I thought better of commenting when I saw how many unfamiliar names were already here and throwing around some strong words and emotions. Goodness knows that this LW doesn’t deserve any sympathy, but I like the general rule to avoid outright unkindness.

    2. Michaela T*

      I was thinking the same thing. I doubt the OP is going to give us an update once they see most of these comments.

  114. Alycia*

    i have been reading here for a long time and hardly ever comment, but this post is really something else and i couldn’t NOT comment! i’m glad she quit on you and you are without your best employee. what a crappy thing to deny this poor woman 2 hours off for graduation, sheesh! i actually feel sick with anger over this. i hope you offer her job back, but at the same time i hope she says no and moves on to much bigger and better things without you.

    and you think that because she was in foster homes and at one point homeless was the reason she quit on the spot? that’s actually your justification for her quitting like that? wow! i’m pretty sure it’s because she realized what a jerk you are. i’m going to end this comment now before i say something i’ll regret.

  115. Important Moi*

    Based on the tone of may of the commenters here, I wonder if OP will even respond. I am genuinely curious.

    I have questions for OP:
    1. Do you have to consult with others for decision making regarding scheduling?
    2. Are you evaluations in any way tied to the good scheduling of your staff?

    1. Elizabeth West*

      Good questions. And something else I thought of–maybe OP is intimidated by this particular Mean Girls group of employees. Maybe it’s really challenging to deal with their bullshit (and I believe they are full of it), and she has coped by being hands-off instead. Which led her to a gross misstep in judgment when it came to the Awesome Employee.

      And that’s as charitable as I intend to be today.

  116. Betty Sapphire*

    This letter made my blood boil. OP was willing to make an exception for the concert because “there was cost involved” — so college is free? There was more than monetary cost involved. The cost is measured in time, energy, money, tears, sacrifices. This employee deserved every single minute at her graduation ceremony.

    Also, I was a first-generation college graduate so this is a subject close to my heart. I hope OP understands how valuable an employee this person was and can learn from this experience.

  117. REGuy*

    Interesting how all the other employees seemingly had “more important” things to do than help her get two hours of her shift covered so she could go to her graduation. It could have even been two employees who took one hour each so a (presumably) valued and hard-working colleague participate in a milestone event in her life. It sounds like the Good-Old-Boys-And-Girls-Club at its finest…they’ll all cover each others’ shifts, but not for a mere junior employee.

    Like a few other commenters, I’m taken aback by the fact that an employee who has been working for you for six years is not only least senior, but isn’t actually MORE senior than all the other employees, given that you say she’s your best employee. I’m also surprised that, unless I’m missing something, all your MOST senior employees seemed so averse to working on a day off that two hours was too much to ask of them. It almost seems like it was a hand-wave, as if to say, “Oh, we’re expected to work a little more since we just launched this new product? Ah, yes, the underlings will do it! What’s that? Melanie wants to go to her college graduation and needs to come in a couple hours later and would like to know if one of us could cover the two hours? TWO WHOLE HOURS?! Pfft. I don’t think so…”

    OP, it was probably pretty apparent to your ex-employee how much you valued her work. Not only was she there for six years and your best employee to boot, she was still so junior an employee somehow that, despite her hard work, diligence and willingness to work on weekends and holidays that no one else would work, no one would even consider reciprocating on probably the ONE occasion she needed it–and she was expected to remain silent and come to work yet again while all your other employees couldn’t be bothered. It’s easy to see that you basically took advantage of her. Her only real mistake was ALWAYS being willing to work on holidays and weekends to the point you just took it for granted that she would, and so did your other more senior employees. You definitely should reach out to her, but not to tell her how to act more professional (although I know you sort of mean well and think you’re doing the right thing here); you should reach out to her to apologize and ask if she will come back. Hell, you should give her a raise and a promotion too, if your company or department is so structured, if she even agrees to come back. She was the one who deserved the WHOLE day off even if she didn’t have a reason like needing to attend her own college graduation, not your employees who basically balked at the idea of coming in for a mere two hours.

  118. BRR*

    The LW doesn’t have to worry about the employee doing this again. She was at this job for 6 years, never missed a day, and was your go-to person for weekends and holidays. All while earning a degree. This employee sounds like a dedicated, reliable, excellent, and hard worker and someone is going to get very lucky when they hire her.

    1. TootsNYC*

      Yep.

      This very professional employee *knows* exactly how unusual it is to quit on the spot.

      That’s exactly why she did it.

  119. wellywell*

    I would have quit too. She was right to quit and you deserve to lose your best employee.

    *IF this is a real question and not something made-up and submitted to generate outrage. Which it might very well be – but then there are managers IRL who are just this clueless.

  120. Expected to pay more than my fair share*

    Haven’t read all the comments but in addition to all that I have read I was appalled by the LW’s attitude about the employee’s background. I would have been insulted if someone had said those things about me. Apparently 6 years employment (and being one of the best performers) does not count towards understanding how to behave in a professional setting if you were in foster care and homeless.

    1. Laura*

      Yes, I have also been trying to find a way to express this point. There seems to be alot of judgment being heaped on the former employee for their upbringing, which is ironic, since she apparently worked circles around the rest of you. Your best employee quits because you show clear favoritism that never ever goes her way, and your attitude is “well she was trailer trash who lived on the street once anyway?” What the hell is that?

      I sit here hoping that the graduate is a member of a protected class so she can file a discrimination complaint with the EEOC. She has some records that she shared with you, I wonder what other records she had quietly been compiling to show just how discriminatory your workplace is.

      1. Jasper*

        Good point, I hadn’t thought of that.

        The fact that the employee had the records handy of how often she covered random shifts implies that she had been compiling those records for a while. Which means she had realized how toxic and unfair the workplace was some time ago, and it wasn’t so much a question of if she would quit after attaining her degree but when.

  121. Debbie*

    Given the facts of this entire situation, I would have worked the two hours for her if I had been the manager. Bravo for her for quitting on the spot and standing up for herself. As I was reading this, I was thinking to myself, “This person is making her own case against herself with every word she writes.” For one, if the policies are so strict, how does a concert ticket rate as more important as a college graduation ceremony, never mind the fact that the employee had worked so hard to beat the odds against her and earn her college degree?

    The OP is just wrong here. When I got to the end and read that she wanted to advise her on how to be professional, I wanted to toss all my professionalism, track the OP down, and punch her in the nose. The employee was not the unprofessional one here. While quitting on the spot is not something one should normally do, it was far beyond justified here. The OP might have the job as manager, but it’s clearly in name only. She doesn’t have a clue what it means to be a good manager.

    OP — definitely don’t call the girl; she deserves MUCH better in life. I’m tempted to say more, but I’ll leave it at that.

    1. Legalchef*

      I was hoping the “punchline” of the question was going to be that she realized how awful she was and wanted advice on how to make it right.

      But nope.

  122. Terey*

    This is a quite strange letter. It seems unlikely that someone would be this clueless and then write to get advice.

    1. Trout 'Waver*

      Yeah, totally agree. How did the OP know to submit the letter if she has obviously never read a word written on this site about managing?

        1. Katie the Fed*

          Yeah, I think I wrote to you before I was a reader. It’s a lot easier for people to find the “contact me” button than dig through the archives.

          1. MoinMoin*

            And since becoming a regular reader I find that every time I have an AAM-worthy conundrum, I end up starting to put the letter together and then realize I pretty much know what Alison is going to say. WWAD?

          2. designbot*

            I think I’d read a couple of posts before writing her, and now I’m a daily reader. Now I hesitate to look back at what I wrote her for fear that I was as unaware as this guy…

      2. Jeanne*

        OP could have thought it’s Ask A Manager, she’s a manager, she’ll understand.

      3. Audiophile*

        Before I was a regular reader, I discovered the site and submitted a question to Alison.

    2. Observer*

      Also, the site has been getting some coverage lately – and the one with the biggest “noise” right now has Alison coming down quite hard on an intern. And a lot of the places where Alison is quoted, she talk s about not leaving with something else lined up. It’s easy to get the wrong impression that way.

    3. Morning Glory*

      I don’t think she wanted advice – I think she wanted validation that what she did was right.

  124. Anxa*

    In an instance like this, how do you manage any fallout from quitting on the spot? I mean, I think the worker was completely reasonable to quit and I applaud her. Yet, there’s an argument that could be made that she could have been more professional about quitting. Her long-term supervisor (and possible major reference provider) is certainly under that impression.

    On an application the employee will have to select “quit” from the dropdown.
    And she won’t be able to explain why she quit while remaining professional either on the application or in the interview.

    1. Leatherwings*

      I disagree. She’ll GET to select “quit” instead of “fired” and she can explain in brief detail that she wasn’t granted time off to attend a graduation ceremony. Any reasonable employer will understand how appalling that is (as illustrated by the massive crap-storm brewing here).

      Being more professional and giving more notice likely would have meant that the graduate wouldn’t have been able to attend her graduation ceremony without being fired. That absolves her of any unprofessionalism in my opinion.

    2. Ask a Manager* Post author

      She’s been there six years, so I don’t think it’s going to look terribly shocking. Plus, she can say that had just graduated and wanted to focus on finding work that used her degree.

      2. Kelly L.*

        Love that wording!

        Yeah, I think employers are used to seeing employment end dates that are right around the same time as graduation dates. I think it’s pretty normal to leave one’s “student job” at that time, whether because it’s not in the field you’re trying to go into, because you’re moving to a different city, because it was weird hours, or what have you.

    3. KR*

      I think it would be acceptable to tell an interviewer, “My supervisor would not give me time off to attend my college graduation despite other people being allowed time off for concerts and the fact that I was a stellar employee for 6 years, so I decided college was more important.” Any reasonable employer would be as shocked as we all are that she wasn’t allowed the time off. She doesn’t have to mention that she quit on the spot (and OP should not tell that to reference checkers). Lots of people quit jobs all the time especially when they graduate college – there’s nothing wrong with it.

      1. TootsNYC*

        I wouldn’t bring that up right away, though. I’d go w/ “focusing on entering a new field.” If they push a little bit, I’d say, “There were scheduling conflicts–they’re not particularly flexible, so it wasn’t going to work out.”

        And only on, like, the third situation, or if they asked for specific references, and it looked like I had a shot, would I say, “One thing I want to say before you call: I had asked for my shift to be rearranged so that I could attend graduation. It was a big deal to me. I thought it fair to ask, because I’d covered all the holidays and most weekends, and I also picked up shifts for everyone else when they needed to be away. But I was flat-out refused. So I quit, without notice. It may seem pretty dramatic, but I want to assure you–I know how unusual that was, and I felt it was appropriate in that situation.”

    4. Anxa*

      That’s true that the worker doesn’t have to worry as much about it this time because they have the graduation as a natural reason for looking for new work, fortunately.

      From what I understand, you never talk negatively about a former employer in an interview. I guess if you give the objective facts, you really aren’t doing that even if there’s no way for the employer not to look bad.

      I would think a neutral way of explaining it would be, “My employer would accommodate a reduced shift to attend graduation, so the only way for me to attend was to leave the company.”

  125. Jadelyn*

    OP, I can’t believe you’d prioritize someone with concert tickets over a damn college graduation.

    There will always be other concerts, but you only get one college graduation.

    1. Jeanne*

      I think they could have accomodated both but it would have required the manager to manage. I also suspect concert employee was a friend of the manager as well so of course she was prioritized.

  126. TootsNYC*

    I get that seniority is often a way to determine who gets perks. If you’ve put in a lot of time, it’s frustrating to be the one who gets screwed over in situations like this.

    But this woman HAD put it in a lot of time. And effort.

    And it’s even MORE infuriating to discover that despite being “the go-to person for weekends and holidays,” despite being the best employee of all, and putting in SIX years, your manager still won’t help you by shifting you to a timeframe that lets you attend something important.

    OP, be prepared for this inflexibility on your part to really bite you in the butt in terms of how the rest of your employees view you. You may think they won’t care, because none of them were willing to voluntarily take that time to benefit this woman.
    But they will remember, and they won’t any of them ever go any extra miles for you again.
    Also–if you manage a team of people in which NONE of them were willing to work that shift so that their excellent colleague could attend her hard-won college graduation? You manage a bunch of people who are basically awful, and it is no wonder that this woman is your best employee. So, they won’t ever go out of their way, just because that’s the type of people they are.

    I once had to leave my job on time (note: 5pm, not early) in the middle of a monthly deadline. I planned it way in advance, checked in w/ my boss, staffed up w/ freelancers, and spend the whole day orchestrating things so that all work would be covered.
    Why? I was meeting close family friends from Europe, for the first time. They were in town for one evening only. It was really important to me and to my parents, siblings, etc.
    At 4:45, I had a lull, and I decided to put on my sneakers then, so I didn’t have to at 5:05. The production person, in charge of deadlines for that day, came to lecture me that “if people take time off in the middle of deadlines, we won’t meet those deadlines.”
    I blew up. Here’s what I told her that is applicable here:
    Sometimes in our personal lives we have things that are the equivalent of a work deadline. They don’t come that often, but when they do, it’s important.

    I think this was absolutely something worth quitting over. And here’s what she quit over:

    I showed exceptional loyalty to my job and to my manager, personally. But when I needed some consideration in return, I did not get it.
    You rewarded her excellent work with betrayal.

    I will tell you what I would have done:
    I would personally have covered those 2 hours. Myself. The manager.

    (Well, actually, I’d have picked the person who was the worst-performing person on the staff, and I would have made them cover her entire shift, and I wouldn’t have scheduled her for that day at all. And if that employee complained, I’d have said, “You need to pick up your performance, and then I won’t be scheduling you for shifts you don’t want.”)

    1. BRR*

      Touching on seniority (assuming it’s is about longetivity in the letter), I get how it can be frustrating if you’ve been at a company for 5 years and they some other sort of request off preference system and the employee who has been there a couple of months gets off for a highly coveted day. But when the person who has been there six years is the lowest in seniority, the system doesn’t work any more in my opinion.

  127. Snow*

    Wow. It sounds like your employee is better off. Other’s have commented on your behaviour but even her co-workers are terrible – no-one would cover for her because they’d rather cover for their friends even though she is the go to person for covering holidays and weekends?

  128. Liana*

    OP, I really hope you listen to these comments. You had a great employee who showed a willingness to stay with the company (for 6 years!) and a fantastic work ethic, and you essentially just told her that her college graduation isn’t as important as concert tickets. This is not going to be a bastion of sympathy for you, I’m afraid.Quite frankly, I think you deserved to lose your best employee, if that’s how you treat them.

    Finishing college (especially without any family support) is a huge deal. It’s a hell of a financial commitment, as multiple other commenters have pointed out, and emotionally, it’s monumental. Think about what this day must have meant for her. It’s more than just collecting a piece of paper – that paper represents years of hard work and long nights. She went to college to try and make a better life for herself, and by refusing to make a minor adjustment (because coming in two hours late IS minor, really), you’re saying that all that hard work means nothing to you or the company you work for. Please listen to these comments and try to realize what a tough position you put your ex-employee in. And if you give anything less than an utterly glowing reference for her, I hope that bad karma comes back to haunt you. It’s the bare minimum you could do.

  129. LadyCop*

    Last I checked, the cost involved in a degree is far more than any concert. I applaud the employee for standing up for herself.

    As far as professionalism is concerned, I’d gladly hire someone who knows when to put their foot down and not be a doormat. In my profession, it’s something you can’t teach.

    1. Jess*

      That’s exactly that I thought! The fact that OP brought up “cost” comparing a concert and a college education. WOW!

  130. TheBeetsMotel*

    You deserve whatever hassle her leaving will create. This is EXACTLY how you lose good people. I’d have done exactly the same thing.

  131. Jay*

    If this was April 1, I would think this was a joke. Hard to believe that you can write that letter and not see the answer coming like a train.

  132. Pat*

    All if the time you spent writing this letter would have been better spent covering those 2 hours yet you still felt somehow slighted. Unbelievable! Good for her.

  133. Em Too*

    I wonder if, when the employee asked around, she told everyone why? Because if she did, and still not one person volunteered to cover, then, well, wow indeed.

    Otherwise, perhaps the advice she could do with is to be a little bit less professional – if you’ve asked in a low-key ‘professional’ manner and no-one’s volunteered, then I say you’re allowed to stamp your feet a little: I’ve covered for you all, this is *My Graduation*, who’s going to cover? It’s possible that OP genuinely couldn’t, eg if she was already working that time. (Yes, in an ideal world someone would have been doing that on her behalf.)

    1. Sally-O*

      It’s true – perhaps the employee wasn’t selfish *enough* to get someone to cover for her. Her professionalism and giving nature produced a bad result. The only advice the graduate needs is to push a little harder for her own needs and to be confident in her value.

    2. TootsNYC*

      The other advice I’d give the Graduating Stellar Employee is this:

      Don’t be so quick to accommodate other people, your manager, etc. Make them work for it a little–make it clear that you’re really doing them a favor by taking their shift.

      So they don’t take you for granted.

      I had a roommate situation like that. She watched TV all the time, and I hated it. So I went in my (large, sunny) bedroom to eat dinner instead of eating in the living/dining room or the kitchen. I didn’t do my sewing at the dining-room table, or read a book in the living room.
      Because, well, I could do those things in my room without hardship. So I did, cheerfully.
      HOWEVER: When I had someone some for a visit, and I’d asked to clear the dates, since they slept in the living room, etc., and then she didn’t want to turn off the TV at midnight so they could sleep, and I got a little testy, suddenly *I* was the pushy one encroaching on her use of her home.

      So, make more of a fuss when you’re covering other people’s shifts. Don’t be agreeable and cheerful. Don’t say, “Oh, good, I need the money!” Be reluctant; resist a little. And flat-out say, “I’m going to call this in! You need to cover for me sometime.” Make them recognize the value of the favor that you are doing–don’t cheapen it by making it too easy.

  134. Sally-O*

    There’s something very inspiring about this letter. I’m taking this lesson away: Often, when people are against you, it’s because of their own biases or ignorance, and NOT because of your own faults. Hold your head high and stand up for yourself, but also forgive the offenders for their ignorance. Also, never let rejection stop you from pursuing your dreams.

    1. K.*

      I am totally inspired by the employee in the letter. I imagine her wordlessly handing over the (probably long) list of times she’s gone above and beyond for the company, turning on her heel, and marching out with her head held high, and I think that’s wonderful. We should all know our worth and insist on being treated like we matter.

      I’m particularly inspired BECAUSE of her tough background. She has been told time and again that she doesn’t matter. (My friend is a foster parent and earning trust is a huge hurdle.) It would be so easy for her to internalize that and just take whatever crap life throws at her but she pushed through, put herself through school, AND values herself despite having the cards stacked against her. Brava.

    2. TempestuousTeapot*

      Thank you for that take on this. This letter and situation are so shocking that I can’t even… well, anything.

      My greatest hopes are with the OP’s ex-employee. What an inspiration on work ethic and self respect!

      To the OP, your ex-employee has just shown you exactly where to draw the line and I’m afraid you did deserve it. Apparently that background of hers taught her how to handle boiling water. I think she did so with grace. The situation was untenable and she ended it. To go after her for the last word will only further paint you as out of touch at best. You’ve had your dose of instant karma, let it do its work and move on.

  135. The Other Dawn*

    I really hope this letter is a fake (I realize it’s probably not). If not….I really, really want to unleash a tirade at this manager, but I won’t. Not much, anyway.

    Most people take a lot of pride in graduating from college. This woman survived the foster care system, was homeless, has no living family to call her own AND SHE KICKED ASS AT HER JOB FOR SIX YEARS AND PUT HERSELF THROUGH SCHOOL!!!! Why on Earth would you not make an exception for her?? Someone who paid money for concert tickets, which could easily be resold if necessary, takes precedence over your star employee?? I just don’t get it. At all.

      2. Jennifer*

        Seconded. The way things go these days I might not be 100% shocked if someone straight up murders an employee.

  137. LadyMountaineer*

    You can still redeem yourself by offering her job back or giving her a superfantastic reference.

    If we don’t get an update with one of the above could we please nominate OP for “Worst Boss of the Year?” Seriously.

  138. Callie30*

    I agree with Allison and the employee. A college graduation is HUGE for anyone, but especially from someone with her background.

    In this case, it seems the OP could have gone up the ladder in seniority (or to the lowest performer, regardless of seniority) to cover those 2 hours, given the circumstances. And the employee seemed to be asking to start 2 hours late, not take off the entire day – which shows incredible work ethic – Many would have just asked for the entire day off. Just seems very rigid to me. I manage many interns and Staff and try to be as flexible as possible, to a reasonable point.

  139. animaniactoo*

    Re: Questions of how this employee could not have seniority after 6 years

    All it would take is being promoted from say a level 1 tech to a level 2 tech to a level 3 tech – but being the most recently promoted level 3 tech.

    Given how rigidly some of the rules seem to be written, it sounds like even in an “all hands on deck” situation, the employee could have the least seniority because they’d lost all their level 2 tech seniority by being promoted to level 3.

    Just spitballing here, but it’s one scenario that makes sense (in a reductio ad absurdum kind of way) to end up having a 6 year employee have the least seniority.

    1. Leatherwings*

      Yep, or they could be on a specific project made up of more experienced folks and she’s on the low end of the range in terms of years of experience there.

      Or it could be that OP is calculating seniority in terms of years in the field instead of years at the company.

      There are lots of scenarios where this makes sense to me.

      1. Ann Onymous*

        +1

        It could also be that the OP is talking about company wide seniority as opposed to department wide.

        At my current job there are four of us. My three co-workers have been in this department for less than a year but all have over 10 years with the company. I have worked at this company for two years, all in the same department. So even though I have been in my department the longest I have the shortest time with the company.

    2. Pwyll*

      When I worked in a callcenter seniority was based on a strange combination of time in position, time with the company, and time on the team. So, as you say, simple scheduling adjustments would be based on your team seniority, not your company seniority. We were also in an era of 24/7 “resource deficiencies”, meaning very, very few alterations were allowed to schedule due to our unreasonable hold times. Our local manager had some flexibility so long as the number of people on the phones at any given moment was at some minimum level, but no change could be made that would show up on National Resource Planning’s real-time monitoring of call levels.

      It was a soul-sucking job, really. And very little camaraderie was available (no real time to socialize, you’re on the phone all day), so people who were already friends tended to stick together.

      One thing I think is interesting is that, thinking back, I don’t believe my manager would have even been able to fill in for the employee if she wanted to. Once you reached a certain level, they didn’t even really have active access to all of the systems we used anymore. (Managers logging in could SEE the system and invoke manager-level changes, but couldn’t access accounts the way a line employee would with all the safeguards). So, it’s not all that strange that the manager didn’t fill in herself. But she should have taken a more active role in finding a replacement to fill in. Or, as my boss did in similar situations, make her assistant manager come in and do it (THEY still were treated as line employees).

      1. Jasper*

        I work in back office tech support at an ISP, and my managers wouldn’t know *how* to do our job, never mind having access to all the systems.

    3. teclatrans*

      Yeah, my husband got laid off this way. He made an internal move from, say, Chocolate Teapots Inspector to Teapot Sales, and when layoffs hit a month later, he was bottom of the Sales totem pole, so he was axed.

  140. Cait*

    Oh man OP I worked for a boss like you once upon a time and you DEFINITELY deserve to lose that awesome worker.

    While it wasn’t for my college graduation, I did end up putting in notice on the spot way back when. I was going to school full time with scholarships (double major in 3 1/2 years due to take 18-21 hour semesters because even with the scholarships, I couldn’t afford staying in college more than 4 years at the absolute max) and working part time. When I was hired, I explained my schedule and was told that they’d keep my hours to 20 a week in the evenings so I could do both. I kicked ass at my job – missed I think once due to the flu and still came in on Christmas even while recovering from said flu. After 6 months without warning, my hours were increased to 36 hours – just enough that I still couldn’t get full time benefits. I went to my boss with my original hiring contract AND my class schedule to say there was no way I could work the extra hours as I had to keep up my grades to keep my scholarship (especially as they were now starting me at 11 in the morning instead of 4PM for the evening shift). I was told to suck it up and that I “wasn’t dedicated enough.” As my scholarship was worth more money, I put in my 2 weeks notice on the spot which surprised my boss. Better yet, THEIR boss called me in later than afternoon to talk to me about a promotion they were considering for. I had the delightful opportunity of explaining to the supervisor that I’d put in my 2 weeks that morning, and why I’d done so. I still chose to leave, but I got the revenge of watching said supervisor chew out my boss for driving away one of their top employees without consulting anyone about it.

    So yeah, definitely know a bit of what this employee went through. To the young lady – I hope your graduation was fantastic and congrats!!!

  141. SanguineAspect*

    I’m not going to pile on to the OP (this comment thread expresses everything I’d have said on the subject). I do really wish that we could reach out to the Graduate from this letter. She should know that any one of us would hire her in a second or pass on her resume to someone who would. She should know that there are people who understand how important this was, how badly she was treated, and that she was right not to accept it. She should know that there are people out here who support her. If you’re out there, Graduate, please reach out to Alison!

  142. Manders*

    OP, one thing that stuck out to me in this story is the employee who bought concert tickets during the busy period–people don’t usually make expensive purchases for events they know they can’t attend. Are you sure you’re giving your workers enough notice about upcoming busy periods? Are you sure you have enough employees in this department? It looks like there’s a pattern developing here of employees being told to cancel plans outside of work or look for coverage on short notice/play office politics to get coverage. Your department should be able to weather two hours of absence from one employee, and if it genuinely can’t, then you need to be actively involved in managing coverage instead of letting your employees play favorites.

    1. AF*

      I was wondering the same thing! I am an avid concertgoer, but I always make sure I can go based on my work schedule (and talk to my manager first if there’s a question). Also, if I was the person with the concert ticket, I would feel absolutely horrible if I found out that my manager gave me priority for time off over someone who is graduating from college. And the fact that the OP lets employees trade schedules based on who’s in the right clique is totally absurd.

  143. tango*

    Well, the coworkers who wouldn’t cover due to what sounds like friends only helping friends? I expect they’ll be kicking themselves soon when they have to cover weekends, OT and all the other times they used to be off because the OP worked. Talk about rude awakenings coming soon! And while I get being more willing to change shifts/cover for someone if they’re a friend, I’d really really have to dislike someone to tell them no for a few hours during a weekend so they could go to their college graduation. I expect there’s more to the story of why her coworkers are so unwilling to cover for her for such a short time as a one off event after 6 years of being employed with the company!

  144. DB*

    Yikes. OP, take this as a lesson on the importance of retaining good employees. You totally screwed this person over, I would have quit on the spot too.

  146. RebeccaMN*

    I agree with the advice given, and would have quit too. I quit a job once because they wouldn’t allow me to travel home for Christmas; I worked all other holidays and was their go-to employee, and they weren’t willing to give me enough time to get home and back, even if I flew as close as I could. They hired me back after the holidays.

    I have a question, though, for those suggesting that employees shouldn’t be arranging for their own coverage, and that the manager should be handling it. How do you go about deciding what excuse to miss work is ok and what isn’t? It feels kind of similar to the trying to stay out of deciding whether or not it’s ok for people to take sick time. I don’t want to be in charge of deciding how sick you need to be to be at work. I don’t want to decide if your college graduation, her concert, or his kid’s kindergarten graduation is most important. If someone has a really good way of handling this kind of thing (assuming you can’t just cover it yourself, which I would be willing to do) what if you need 5 people, and you normally have 7, but 4 of them have some kind of major life event/thing they paid money to attend? It seems like a no brainer to cover for this employee who is always there and willing to cover for others, but what if it’s not as clear cut? What if you have several “good” employees? What if your employer’s rules don’t allow you to cover? Or you will already be there, and need these employees additionally?

    I’m not saying the advice is wrong; I’m just curious how that works in real-life.

    1. Leatherwings*

      Places like restaurants handle this beautifully all the time. It’s the manager’s /job/ to make those calls. All three of the examples you gave seem like reasonable reasons to give time off, but if it’s an employee who calls out all the time, maybe not. That’s why it’s a managers job. They should use good judgement and be as flexible as possible.

      Managers should also be the ones making calls to ask people to cover, not the employee who’s asking for time off.

      1. LN*

        Yeah, and staffing for a job that requires “warm bodies” type coverage should consider this as a pretty high priority, IMHO. Hire people who travel for holidays but have weekend flexibility, hire people who can’t work weekends but don’t mind holiday shifts because their family is close by – etc. etc. – having the Greatest Employees Ever doesn’t help if they’re never available when you need coverage.

    2. Christian Troy*

      I think it depends on your field/industry. When I worked in retail, the manager would help find coverage if someone couldn’t come in last minute (like illness or emergency) but if people wanted to swap because of last minute vacation plans, concerts, etc., it was generally on them to figure out. Ideally, if the reasons were related to something like college graduation, the person would already be given time off but it seems like the LW said they had to work extra hours because of the new product so I think it should be up to them to intervene.

    3. animaniactoo*

      My dept is 3 people. We’ve had it happen. Memorably I came in and covered for 3/4 of my normal day 3 days after a surgery that I was supposed to be out a week for because my manager was stuck with nobody in the dept after I ended up needing my surgery, one co-worker already had his vacation request in and international flight tickets paid for, and the other co-worker’s mom died while I was out.

      My boss got reamed for “allowing” it to happen, but she wasn’t about to tell me I couldn’t have medically necessary surgery, she wasn’t going to tell my co-worker that he was stiffed for his pre-approved vacation and out his flight money, and she wasn’t going to tell the other one that he had to show up to work the day after his mom died.

      Generally she works to make sure there’s one person available, and overlaps aren’t for more than one day, and it’s only during a slow time, but even that can go fubar.

      As a manager, her job was to defend to the company that this was an unavoidable set of circumstances, and that’s what she did.

      1. animaniactoo*

        Also to say – those 1 person only days are very rare occasions. Maybe once or twice a year.

    4. REGuy*

      In this situation, it’d probably have been more prudent for the OP/LW, as the manager, to handle the coverage. I understand seniority having a place in how much PTO one gets or something similar, (i.e. the lower seniority team members don’t have the accrued PTO), but this was not a matter of PTO; when it’s all hands on deck, I feel like OP should have used his or her own seniority as the manager to make coverage happen, instead of allowing the more senior employees to basically abuse that seniority by covering shifts for their friends. OP should have stepped in, being that this was a special circumstance not only for the employee in question, but for the department or company as well, and directed who was going to cover what times. As a manager you lose the much-cited flexibility when you essentially allow some of your employees to usurp it for their own desires, thereby leaving much less flexibility and time available for other employees to utilize. The manager SHOULD be weighing what’s more important on a case-by-case basis instead of giving their employees free reign to decide this for themselves. What if our mistreated employee in question had a funeral of a family member or friend to attend (said employee’s lack of blood relatives due to her past notwithstanding, as it’s not the point here)? Could OP then just shrug and go, “Well, you can’t go, sorry the other employees I MANAGE wouldn’t cover your shift for a couple hours while you went to a funeral for someone who was very important in your life!” Should have called the other employees and asked the reasons they wouldn’t cover a shift for even one single hour, and if those reasons weren’t because of loss of life, limb, sanity or because of a grave illness, car crash or something of that ilk, sorry Bubba, you gotta come in and cover this shift, did you forget we just launched a new product?

      Instead, OP thew up their hands and let their employees have their way (I can only speculate because they had a very important Netflix marathon scheduled), and that series of decisions led OP’s hands to be tied. As a manager is a leader, there are times when leading by example is important even when keeping in mind their privilege to delegate work to the employees being paid to do that work. It’s unclear, however, whether this situation was one of those times, since OP was presumably within their right to schedule another employee to cover that two hours unless extenuating circumstances were present. I feel like extenuating circumstances may not have been present since the other employees felt free to cover shifts for their friends who just didn’t feel like working that day, and it’s absurd to think that all of them were literally unable to make it to work for a couple hours to cover a shift for someone who really deserved to have the time off.

      It is not that employee’s fault that she was graduating college during that time, and given her record as an exemplary worker who never missed a day and also worked weekends and holidays when no one else would do so (because, again, they basically seemed to be controlling their own schedules and abusing this privilege), she seems to be the ONE person in the whole department or office at the time who actually deserved to have a day off.

      I could be way off-base here, but it seems like this is a case of a manager giving employees too much leeway in scheduling at the company that employs them. It’s almost like OP has given up much of their assertiveness and the employees are running things instead of the manager.

      1. Petronella*

        “It’s almost like OP has given up much of their assertiveness and the employees are running things instead of the manager.”
        Exactly. This OP should meet the “manager” of the Duck Club workplace, they seem to share similar skill sets.

  147. NotAnotherManager!*

    It is rare that I am completely speechless, but this literally left me with my mouth hanging open. It’s bad enough that you can find some way to accommodate someone with concert tickets but not your best employee on a landmark celebration of her achievements in the face of adversity many other people do not have to face. To then pile that on with asking how you can, after she is no longer your employee, reach out to her to lecture her further on how she can be more professional in the future — I mean, this is just beyond the pale.

    Your handling of this situation as a manger is just terrible. Like Alison, I’m very rarely a fan of quitting on the spot, but, after covering other people, working late, coming in early, and producing high-quality work — and then being told that she can’t go to her college graduation (which, by the way, totally has a cost associated with it) because she lacks seniority and couldn’t get her coworkers to cover for her by herself? I’d have walked out on you, too, and I would have no problem explaining why to future interviewers.

    Your former employee is not the problem here. Leave her alone.

  148. That Marketing Chick*

    Wow. You are a horrible boss with a HUGE disconnect on what’s important in life.

    I hope when you have a huge life experience that doesn’t fall neatly into your work-life balance or your company’s “rules”, that your boss shows you more grace than you’ve shown your employee. You got what you deserved. Your employee didn’t quit her job – she quit YOU.

  149. Bag of Jedi Mind Tricks*

    Ok. Question for the OP: Did you know about this product launch in advance? if so, then you should have spoken to your staff about this ahead of time and then if someone came to you and told you that had prior engagements, you could have planned accordingly. Or, if this is something that came up last minute, and your employee told you about her graduation occurring on that same day, you (as the manager) should have required one of your other staff to come in for the two hours (and give that person comp time).

    There was definitely better ways to handle this situation. You lost a good worker. Oh well, your loss will be someone else’s gain.

    1. TootsNYC*

      Yes, this is a definite takeaway for the OP, and others.

      When you’re scheduling for this sort of crunch time:
      • get (for everyone) as much notice as possible
      • get info from everyone about what’s going on w/ their “normally not work” time
      • make the schedule based on that.

  150. ImprovForCats*

    I don’t comment a lot, but this is appalling. I teach many students similar in background to the employee, and the OP’s callous attitude is heart-breaking.

  151. CH*

    A lot of people are making comments regarding why the employee wasn’t in a more senior position. Just a thought and my analogy is not meant to offend anyone. Maybe the OP took on an entry level position six years ago. Maybe its one of those situations where one can move up the chain of command but others coworkers just look at the position as a means to an end. I’m thinking of the high schooler who starts working at a fast food place for extra spending money. Perhaps over time they can move up to being a store or regional manager within the six years, especially with a college degree. Perhaps the OP stayed at a lower level due to a crazy work/ school schedule; perhaps the lower level position offered more flexability; maybe the lower level position offered incentives to work overtime that upper management did not. These are all big factors for a college student with no support. In addition perhaps other employees just look at this as a job that offers decent pay and seniority (not based on merit). I’m willing to say that OP’s employee purposely stayed in a lower level position due to outside factors, especially since employee was a star performer.

    1. Allison*

      That’s true, not everyone wants to move into a management position. I hate when the only way you can move up is to be in charge of others, it’s not for everyone!

    2. Laura*

      We have several long time employees like that here too. One is a contract worker and could probably name his price for a full time positoin, but he doesn’t want it. Not everyone wants the same thing.

      But let’s not also forget the phenomenon of the “indispensable” employee, the one who does the crap others don’t want to do, and instead of being recognized for it, is actually disrespected for it.

    3. Lana Kane*

      I have been in my position for longer than 6 years and so have most of my team. Our main driver is that we get to telecommute, so to be honest a lot of us are going to be here a long time. Especially since most of us are not interested in management and that’s really the only non-lateral move. So yeah, we’re all sitting tight, and no shame in that!

  152. Roxanne*

    I didn’t read all the way to the bottom but I think what is also at play here is middle-class privilege. This stellar employee came from a very disadvantaged background and didn’t let that stop her from building a life and career. But that kind of background, for some people, that’s the first and only thing they judge you on: Oh, you were in foster homes, oh, you were homeless, ewww…glad I don’t have that kind of life, hope it’s not contagious, you must be worthless or not very worthy of my respect, or mentally ill or on drugs or…and it’s like you have cooties. Instead of judging the person on what they are today and what they’ve clearly proven themselves to be and what they can do (and she’s proven herself if the OP considers her the “best employee”), all some people can see is the “stain” of her prior life. She should be admired and praised for her efforts. Those kinds of hardships very likely make it hard for the employees to make friends easily (I don’t know for sure) explaining why she isn’t part of the office cliques but she clearly figured out how a good work ethic.

    I would be happy to work with such a person.

    2. AF*

      Totally agree!! I used to be a program facilitator where we worked with “low-income” people looking to make changes in their lives and “move up” to the middle class. It was meant to be an empowerment program, and trying to overcome societal barriers (lack of childcare, transportation, etc.) that were keeping them from obtaining steady employment. But a large chunk of the curriculum was based on pretty shady research that created gross stereotypes that low-income people don’t know how to behave in the working world, and don’t value education, so that’s why they couldn’t get or keep a job. Most of the people in this program were smarter and more organized than some managers I’ve met. When I read this post, that stuck out to me the most.

      1. TootsNYC*

        Yeah, there is nothing that teaches you the important of being responsible quite as powerfully as being the person who GETS let down by others.

        And nobody manages money better than people with very, very little of it.

    3. tink*

      Going to school at night while working also probably significantly limited the employee’s free time, especially as she got closer to graduating. She may also have had limited “fun funds” for going out.

    4. Elizabeth West*

      Yes, and as I said above, if the OP did go to college but went right out of high school and didn’t have to work her way through, that could definitely affect her perception of how difficult it is.

      I may be old, but I remember how easy it was to do that–I basically did homework and showed up to class. I had no other responsibilities. Then when I went back to school and had to do it while working full-time, OMG the difference was IMMENSE. Not only did I have to keep up with the demands of my job(s), but I had all this extra stuff to do. I still do this, working and trying to write outside my work hours.

      It is absolutely a privileged position, not to have to work through school.

  153. ANON*

    Anon for this one.

    My husband’s employer wouldn’t give him 2 hours off to come to my master’s degree ceremony. So I had no one there.

    Irony? He works at a a college and I’ve attended 10+ of their graduations, mainly to hear him give the dean’s address, which I generally also help him write and polish.

    Not so ironic? It created a months-long rift in our marriage. He didn’t have the balls to stand up for me or celebrate me.

    1. Anxa*

      Saying this probably disqualifies me from establishing a career in higher ed, but after years of working for a college, I feel pretty confident in saying that colleges pretty much don’t value education nearly as much as you’d expect them to.

      The lowest paid, worst treated staff at many institutions? The teaching staff.

      (I’d be pretty annoyed by that, too)

      1. The Strand*

        Oh, they do – in a “Hair Club for Men” (I’m not just selling it, I’m a customer!) sort of way. Colleges do value education, but it sounds like her husband’s working for the administration, probably in Marketing/PR. People who do administrative work or PR work on behalf of leadership tend to get ridden hard and put away wet.

        The one group of people you can count on to be treated worse is IT; one small college I worked at, it was basically three people handling all the network traffic, and despite being fun-loving, delightful people, they were treated like a bunch of bridge trolls by the administration. Someone actually asked me why I would want to hang out with “those people”. (And yes, this was after dot.coms had become “sexy”).

  155. Somov*

    This makes my heart hurt for the employee! I really hope we get a positive update from the OP.

  156. Security SemiPro*

    Oh man this hits a nerve.

    I quit a job with no notice after my (sleazy, butt pinching, tried to withhold paychecks) boss scheduled me the same day as several final exams in college. I had given him my finals schedule when I had it, at the beginning of the term, and reminded him the week before that I couldn’t work days X and Y due to finals. When he posted the schedule, I pointed out I couldn’t work those days and he said “Well, you just have to think about your priorities.”

    I took his advice, quit on the spot, and used the free time to study.

    OP, don’t call your ex-employee to lecture her. If she was your go-to star employee for six years, she understands what she needs to about professional norms and you won’t be helping her by venting spleen here. You can consider letting her know what a great reference you’re going to be for her and that you will miss her work.

    1. MashaKasha*

      “Well, you just have to think about your priorities.”

      What on earth did he expect in response? That you’d prioritize his disposable job and his butt-pinching over your college finals that directly affect your future? Was he high?

  157. Natalie*

    Yeesh, I feel like I should go back and thank my old bosses. I started a temp-to-hire job a couple of months before my graduation and asked for 2 days (unpaid of course) to attend it as it was out of town. It was a significant event for me for different reasons than your employee. They let me take the time and there was a nice card and balloon at my desk when I returned. And I even got the job permanently! They had a lot of faults as bosses but they understood life milestones at least.

  158. Pamela*

    I wonder what happened at work graduation day. Did they hire someone else fast enough to be up to speed on the new product? Did they manage one person short? Or did someone cover for the grad after all?

    1. Jeanne*

      I would love to know. I suspect this amazing manager told the next lowest person to work that day and we don’t care if you’re busy.

  159. Anon Moose*

    On quitting:
    Is quitting on the spot always unprofessional/ wrong? Obviously more notice is helpful and better for keeping your ties with your employer but… in what situations is it justified? Only really awful situations like this or when you quit in protest of something that is unfair?

    1. Laura*

      Based on what I’ve seen on AAM, I’d say that one situation in which it’s justified is when your employer has a history of forcing people out the moment they give notice. If you really need a continuous income but know that giving your employer two weeks’ notice will result in your being out of work for two weeks, you’d be pretty justified in not giving notice.

      1. Leatherwings*

        Yep, if your employer pushes people out immediately upon giving notice then they forfeit the right to notice. I would say that and unethical or completely unreasonable demands would be appropriate situations.

        I don’t think there’s a hard rule, but I do think it can only be done in specific, rare and extenuating circumstances like the one in the letter.

      2. Adam V*

        Even in those cases, though, you could do two things.

        First, you could tell your new boss “my current company is notorious for letting you go the day you give notice. I intend to give notice this Friday (the 8th) – is it possible for my first day to be somewhat flexible, so it’s either Monday the 11th (if they let me go immediately, as I expect) or Monday the 25th (if for some reason I’m the exception and they ask me to work my two weeks?” The worst they could say is no, and I’d bet they’ve seen this kind of thing before. (Or maybe they just ask you to delay your notice date instead, if the earliest they’d be ready for you is the 25th and they don’t mind potentially waiting until August 8th).

        Second, you can file for unemployment for those two weeks. Might take some time, but if you’re sitting at home waiting for the new company to be ready for you, then you could probably spend it at the labor office filling out the forms and doing everything you can to get the process through quickly.

        1. EmilyG*

          Yes, I did this once and it was no problem at all. (I was leaving a company that was sensitive about their IP so I expected to be asked to leave right away. Actually, they didn’t, but they also didn’t care about me working the two weeks’ notice because it was a lull between projects, so I left on Friday and started the new job Monday because I figured I might as well get a move on with the more exciting new assignment.)

    2. some1*

      In my industry (finance), it’s really common to be walked out if you give notice. Most people at my company who resign pack up their office and call their supervisor and resign.

    3. Pwyll*

      There are specific situations where I think it can be justified, where the company is being so outrageous that the courtesy of 2 weeks is not necessary. I’d generally limit it to things like: health and safety dangers, illegal practices, serious unethical practices, when the company has a policy and observed practice of immediately firing anyone giving notice, or times where the behavior of the manager or employer is so beyond the pale that no reasonable person would offer to stay.

      Otherwise, it’s just good professional form to offer 2 weeks notice.

      1. Anon Moose*

        Makes sense. And even in the above situations where quitting is outwardly justified, you pretty much still lose the ability to use managers/coworkers at your company as references, right? As in, the loss of any good reference is the cost of that decision?

      2. many bells down*

        I left a job once after my boss told me to publicly lie to clients. I finished the day’s shift, left a note (because said boss had already gone home) and left. I felt like that fell under “seriously unethical”, and I wasn’t going to do it.

    4. Spot*

      I quit a job in college when I found out I’d been getting paid half of what I should have been getting paid for two quarters. I told the manager I was quitting right then (the quarter was over in two weeks) and that I wanted my back pay.

    5. Mirve*

      I knew someone who quit without notice because they were waitlisted for college/grad school and were notified they were accepted with only enough time to pack up and get there. So, sometimes life’s events cause it as well.

    6. MashaKasha*

      I quit a job without notice once, because I knew the owner well enough by then to realize that a two-week notice would mean me working crazy hours for two weeks without pay. I quit on pay day, the minute I received my pay. I even made up a sob story about how my husband had picked up a second job and I had to stay home fulltime now to watch our toddler. (None of that was true, but I figured it sounded better than “I’m leaving because you’re an utter jerk and a nightmare to work for”.)

      However that was 1) in Eastern Europe and 2) in the 90s, well before the Internet and social media. Admittedly, bad reputation could still travel by word of mouth and jeopardize your future career. But my employer had acquired a terrible reputation in our small town way before I’d started to work for him, so I knew everyone would understand. If I had to consider doing it now, I’d follow Pwyll’s guidelines above.

  160. Rebecca*

    Wow. It was 2 whole hours, 120 minutes, and you couldn’t give this one person time off to attend a once in a lifetime event? I don’t even know what else to say. I’m glad your employee quit, and I wish her all the best in the future, as should you, and make sure to at least give her a decent job reference.

    As an aside, I noticed no one volunteered to work the extra hours. I suspect there’s a reason for that.

  161. Mae*

    OP, I think you know you did something wrong. Otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. Your only hope of redemption in this situation is to reach out and apologize and offer the job back. Say you are mortified this happened and give no excuses. Say you value all 6 years of her work and if she agrees to your suggestion of re-employment, have a written agreement that you’ll be more flexible with circumstances that call for PTO time. If she’s also the best employee as you state, why don’t you have anything in the works for a growth plan? Lay that out for her, too, IF she agrees to this. I’m not a fan of the phrase “Shame on you,” but… This is something to learn from for sure.

  162. OlympiasEpiriot*

    If there was a way of ‘liking’ or upvoting comments, I wouldn’t be commenting and adding to the pile-on; however, in the absence thereof, I have to say that, if this letter is real (and I’m flabbergasted that someone would be so clueless), the OP’s behaviour and point of view are both ridiculous, hurtful, and deserving of the employee’s scorn. This behaviour includes the fact the writer put details in the letter — about the background of the employee — that have no business being spread about except by the former employee themself.

    Regardless of the veracity of the letter, Alison’s response is great.

    1. pinky*

      This is what I was thinking – this cannot be real, Alison are you sure this is not a made up letter? This can’t possibly be a real situation….who on earth would do that to a person who has worked so hard?

  164. Turtle Candle*

    This sort of thing is precisely why I hate the “you must find someone to cover for you” method of time-0ff management. (Even leaving aside that that rule was bent, in this case, for the concert-ticket-holder but not for the graduate.) It results in a system where pushy people (or those who have a lot of friends at work, for whatever reason) can get time off for anything, and conscientious people may not be able to get coverage even for major life events.

    1. TootsNYC*

      I’m OK w/ the “you *can* find someone to cover for you” idea.

      Of course, that means the manager has to be able and willing to take the whining about “You changed the schedule for her graduation but not my concert!” thing. But that’s what managers do: they make value judgments, and they stand behind them. And they live with any errors they make that they cannot change.

      There are probably lots of ways to do this.
      You have a list of big life events that always get someone manager assistance to reschedule.
      You have a time frame by which people have to notify you.
      You establish some sort of points system–people earn points when they volunteer to work a weekend/holiday; or when they score a certain amount on their job metrics; or when they go X days without asking for a reschedule.

      And then you say, “If you don’t have points, or don’t want to use them, you can switch around on your own, I don’t care.”

  165. Emma*

    You’re right, OP. She isn’t familiar with professional norms. If she was, she would have moved on from your terrible management years ago. Just your luck that she likely assumed mistreatment on such an epic scale is normal.

  167. AD*

    “This is the only job she has had. Since she’s never had anyone to teach her professional norms, I want to help her so she doesn’t make the same mistake again. What do you think is the best way for me to do this?”

    I see the full wrath of AAM commenters have descended on you, OP, but it’s worth being another voice here that will hopefully teach you something: You are an atrocious, clueless manager and you deserved to lose this stellar employee.

    1. Anon Moose*

      That line…. the “I want to help her” really reads to me like she’s actually just mad and trying to make it the employee’s fault. Why so concerned about all this now, but not before? Just a willful lack of awareness.

  168. Bend & Snap*

    This is one of the most soul-crushing letters I’ve ever read here. People never forget when you mess with their personal milestones: graduations, weddings, funerals, babies.

    I don’t have any advice that hasn’t already been given, but man, this is a depressing read. Good for the employee, and I hope she takes her shiny new degree and gets a kickass job.

    1. Former Retail Manager*

      I second all of that, especially about people not forgetting when you mess with their life. Karma is funny that way. You never know when this person may reenter your life and OP better hope that doesn’t happen or that the former employee is a better person than I. I would exact revenge on OP in a heartbeat.

    2. Betty Sapphire*

      I agree. I had a boss once give me a hard time when I told him I would miss work due to my mother-in-law’s funeral. To add salt to the wound, he never once sent condolences, but instead kept asking if we “figured out how she died” (since it was sudden and she was young and healthy). I was out of that job within three months.

  169. Ann O'Nemity*

    I was pissed when I saw the post’s title. Reading the details just fanned the flames of my anger at the OP. And still I was hoping that at some point the OP would have realized their mistake. I so wanted to see something like, “I rigidly followed process and stopped acting like a human being, and now I’m sorry. What can I do to fix this or make sure it doesn’t happen again?” But nooo. The OP just blunders on all righteous and uppidy, even has the gall to ask if they should reach out to the employee to chastise them on their lack of professionalism. The only positive here is that such an amazing employee got out of this shitshow with her head held high.

    If the OP is going to reach out to the employee, it should only be with a groveling apology and heartfelt promise to offer a stellar recommendation. Then the OP needs to do some serious soul searching – because seriously, they seem to have lost their soul and their heart somewhere along the way. Then the OP needs to start thinking about how to fix their dysfunctional team, because OMG I cannot believe the heartless band of asshats that all refused to help this employee. This can’t be the only dysfunction at that workplace; it’s probably rife with dehumanizing and demoralizing practices.

    1. Leatherwings*

      Yeah, just as a rule of thumb I don’t think that managers should EVER reach out to employees that have quit to offer advice on how to conduct themselves. But particularly not in this situation, and I agree that an apology and great recommendation are in order.

      1. fposte*

        Yup. It’s also futile–it’s not going to teach an employee anything even if the point is valid–and it makes it hard for both sides to let it go when the thing’s over.

  170. Temperance*

    Ouch. As the first person in my family to finish a four-year degree, I am so impressed with the LW’s employee. It’s hard to do that with minimal family support … I can’t imagine how hard it is to do it without any family support.

    It hurts to think about someone wanting to take away her achievement for what … Kid Rock tickets? I don’t see how a concert is more acceptable than celebrating what might be the most important achievement in her life to date. I’m guessing that LW didn’t go to college for her to have such a weird attitude about this achievement.

    LW, here’s some useful advice: you need to take over the schedule. YOU need to start approving shift swap requests. While I can say that there are definitely coworkers I’ll do anything for and coworkers I don’t like …. I would cover for even the biggest jerk to celebrate a life milestone.

  171. Noah*

    Ouch! It hurt when my jaw hit the floor. This letter is possibly more tone deaf than the person who was terribly offended when she was fired for going over her boss’s head, then being absolutely dumbfounded that this was a problem.

  172. Anon Accountant*

    I really want to give the recent grad a round of applause, a generous graduation gift and a congratulatory “well done”. She’s pushed through so much negative stuff in her life.

    She’s going to go far in her future career.

  173. Alli*

    LW, here’s how you could have handled that better:

    When she asks for that 2 hours for her graduation, you congratulate her enthusiastically on her achievement. Then you tell the other employees they have a certain amount of time for someone to volunteer to cover that 2 hours or you’re drawing a name out of a hat.

  174. AtrociousPink*

    Ah, just as well that she up and quit. After getting her degree, the ungrateful employee was probably going to expect, like, opportunities for advancement or something. How can you continue to be the best employee and a go-to person when you don’t know enough to stay put in the chair where you first sat down and just blindly do as you’re told no matter how dismissively you’re treated? Good riddance, I say!

  176. ImprovForCats*

    Also, I know it’s unlikely the employee is going to find this post, but if she ever does–

    I hope the overwhelming response against your boss’s actions and attitude in the comments can do a little work to offset any feelings your boss might have (re)wakened about being unappreciated and dismissed, especially because of your background. The world IS full of people who will admire what you’ve accomplished, and the kind of character traits–self-discipline, determination, ambition, perseverance, and courage–that your accomplishments demonstrate.

  177. Observer*

    At will employment at its best! Seriously. You treated someone like trash, and she was able to walk out.

    OP, you’ve gotten quite a pile on. I feel bad about it, but really it’s not surprising. I hope it makes you realize how badly you handled this situation.

    I just want to emphasize a couple of things that got less coverage.

    1. Others have mentioned the cost of a college degree. Even if this young woman got grants, there are still a lot of costs involved. Beyond that the actual graduation costs money – money she would already have paid out at this point.

    2. You claim that you were “unable” to grant her request. That is clearly false. You CHOSE not to grant her request. And you CHOSE not to intervene in her favor when this was CLEARLY something in your power, since you did it for someone else.

    3. Your understanding of professional norms seems to be significantly lacking. Reaching out to an employee who quite? Breaking your own self imposed rules to help someone with a concert (which is not only personal but not what anyone would consider a major life event), while being extra rigid about a college graduation – something that is professional development by any standard? Failing to consider an utterly reasonable, one time accommodation for a stellar employee who is trying to meet you half way? None of those sound like anything close to appropriate professional norms for any manager.

    5. I’m somewhat startled that you frame it as “quitting because she didn’t get her way”. She actually told you why she quite, and it was NOT because she didn’t get her way. She quite because she can document the lengths to which she has gone to accommodate you and her co-workers, yet NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE PLACE, including her YOU, her manager, was willing to lift a finger to help her out the SINGLE TIME she asked for something relatively minor in SIX YEARS. In other words, she quit because she came to the conclusion that she was working in a toxic environment that would take and take and take and then spit her out when she had no more to give.

    6. You are upset that she quit without notice. What choice did you give her? Did you really expect her to skip her graduation? Do you REALLY think that “professional behavior” required that of her?! So, what would you have done had she gone to her graduation and come late? The bottom line is that she had the choice to either quit on the spot or get penalized (at best.) This one is totally on you.

    1. AF*

      I was thinking that too – six years is plenty of time to learn about professional norms, but with this workplace as the teaching environment, it sounds like the OP got her “norms” mixed up. The employee could probably teach all of them a few things!

  178. AlexZ*

    “she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here”
    SIX YEARS and she never missed a day of work while going to school…SIX YEARS. I actually really disagree with the statement that graduations are fluff, but especially if you’re going at night. I’ve been there I worked and went to school; and I was completely unable to do it and take no time off. That means every time she had a final she worked, every time she had a huge paper she worked, and every time she was physically/emotionally exhausted she worked (In a customer support call center no less). AAANNDDD she did it with only the OP’s crappy “guidance” as a support system! This girl deserves a friggin cake; and sorry OP, but you absolutely do not deserve this employee…SIX YEARS PEOPLE (Sorry but I literally cannot fathom going six years without missing work)!

    1. TakeMeToAtlanta*

      +1000 to everyone pointing out the deck was completely stacked against the employee. I’m going to assume this coverage policy is based on position seniority rather than time seniority, because the employee has been there for 6 years. This policy basically means that lower-leveled employees must always be available to work outside of normal hours, because none of the higher-ups have to with this policy (are you surprised no one is volunteering to work overtime if a select group of higher-paid employees aren’t held to this expectation?).

      Also, why can’t OP switch the shifts of his/her employees for just two hours? When your best employee of 6 YEARS asks for 2 HOURS of flexibility and you throw your hands up as if there is nothing you can do, you aren’t managing.

  181. FiveWheels*

    I want to buy the employee a drink and dinner. Despite being one of the best on her team she was treated like absolute trash. Her earning a degree was considered less important than someone else going to a concert. She was punished for not being friends with her colleagues outside of work.

    And rather than continuing to suffer this abuse from an organisation so warped they think it’s acceptable she walked.

    She sounds magnificent and I hope she has every possible success.

  183. Gary Henderson*

    I put up with crap like that from a crap manager like OP for far longer than this very smart ex-employee did. The only smart thing I ever did at that company was to finally realize that I was being used in much the same way as this person was and turn in my resignation.

    I hope the OP loses THEIR job for being a complete jerk. Their employees deserve better. The company deserves better. And maybe THAT would finally be the learning moment that is so desperately called for.

  184. ITWorkerBee*

    I bet the OP is friends with all the other employees, except this one, hence the hands-off coverage approach and the fact that this one employee was “go-to” for the less favorable shifts.

  185. Kelly*

    Here’s an idea: Cover the shift yourself! I’m a firm believer in the idea that I should never ask my employees to do anything I am unwilling to do. Imagine the example you could have set by taking this employee’s two hours so she could be honored for her amazing achievement. Instead, you showed her and everyone else on your team that you’re above it all and can’t be bothered to help someone out. I hope you get a crummy review, if your company gives them.

  186. m*

    That person bent over backwards for 6 years for everyone at the company. When they asked for a single 2 hour concession, EVERY person who worked there refused to give up a couple hours of their time. ALL of them should be ashamed of themselves. The manager especially is a cold-hearted prick and the worst sort of humanity.

    Can’t imagine what sort of life-saving service this place is providing that they can’t manage to be slightly short staffed for TWO HOURS.

    Good for the employee for deciding to no longer be a doormat.

  187. Nicole*

    If this was the FML site I would have clicked “you deserve it”. Everyone has already said it, but I can’t help saying it myself – you really treated your employee poorly. I feel so bad for her that she worked her butt off for you and you couldn’t give her TWO HOURS to attend her own graduation, which in the grand scheme of things is more important than a concert whether or not a cost is involved. It was a milestone in her life and I’m sure she was extremely frustrated and hurt to see that no one would step up and help her out, including you. I can only imagine how devalued it made her feel. She’s good enough for everyone to lean on when they need something but she needed two measly hours and everyone was too selfish to help her out. She’s better off without you and your company.

  188. m*

    Also, this same manager switched someone elses’ end time for a concert because “it was already scheduled and there was cost involved.”

    Because a college graduation isn’t prescheduled and there’s absolutely NO cost involved in graduating?

    There’s a lot of favoritism going on here.

  189. Althea*

    I just don’t understand how people manage real life at jobs like these, with zero leeway. I have a flexible salaried office job, thank goodness. I don’t know what I could have done, considering 6 months ago I gave birth and the baby was in the NICU for a month, with a large number of follow-ups needed, and just last month my husband’s father died leaving us to deal with affairs.

    How can anyone be so inflexible toward real life. I looked around the hospital and wondered how the other parents handled needing so much time for their little ones. Some of them were there 4 months. How could anyone hold down a totally inflexible job in those circumstances? Is the OP so jaded by crap workers making up excuses that she can’t see real need anymore?

  190. Sarah*

    If she was my employee, I would have covered the 2 hours myself. THAT is how management is done. What a horrifying sounding work environment, when the popular clique can work the schedules they want so long as they work together to cover shifts, but your best employee can’t take a morning off that isn’t even part of her regular schedule. Shame.

  191. J Frederick*

    I have to admit, I have to wonder if this letter is fake. Not that the situation is fake; I’ve seen this sort of egregious behavior, and absolutely believe that this did or could have happened. But, this manager just seems beyond the pale clueless. I have to wonder if the employee who quit (or a coworker who saw it happen) wrote this as a way to feel vindicated. If the actual manager actually wrote this? Wow, they should be forced to take classes on how to be a person.

    1. many bells down*

      I could maybe see it being written by the employee, after she got the call telling her how “unprofessional” she was. But I don’t think it’s impossible for the boss to have actually been this clueless either.

  193. Melanie*

    All I can think is WOW!

    I was so taken aback that the OP thought she would be doing the former employee a favor by contacting them since they are of “poor upbringing”.

    I have no words. Well, none that are nice.

  194. Irish Em*

    I haven’t read all the comments, but I’m sure I’m echoing everyone by saying that you, OP, are a Bad Manager. Your girl worked for six years without taking a sick day, was willing to work early or late shifts to oblige you or her other colleagues, and she had the LEAST SENIORITY in the WHOLE ENTIRE COMPANY??? What, ye never took on anyone else in six years? Possibly because she does such a great job and is more than willing to be flexible to oblige you, and you cannot be flexible towards her so she can attend her GRADUATION??? My blood pressure has gone through the roof at all the injustices in your letter.

    If this girl had not had such a difficult background and if she had a support system around her you would still be in the wrong entirely, OP. In fact, I wonder if, if this girl had a big support network of family whether you would be more inclined to approve her request – knowing that nobody else would complain or stand up for someone makes it easier for someone in a position of power to take advantage of someone in their charge.

    This girl you write about reminds me of one of my best friends, who would do anything asked by management, even at a detriment to her health and wellbeing, without any flexibility coming from above. She reminds me of myself, too. I was good at what I did, and although I made no bones about having management ambitions, I was sniped each time I went for a promotion.

    No wonder she quit on the spot, flexibility needs to go both ways, from the top down as well as from the bottom up. Her colleagues were no friends of hers, clearly, although she gave you a list of hours, days, and shifts for other colleagues that she covered over six years. I call office bullying on your office, OP. I have no sympathy for you. I hope your former employee reads this site, recognises herself in this letter, and knows how very right she was to leave when and how she did.

    1. Jennifer*

      Yeah, I was wondering if this girl’s lack of family (“what? she has nobody to COME to her graduation!”) influenced this behavior.

      1. JennyFair*

        I can’t believe the boss wouldn’t want to go! You know, unless they were covering for the employee so she could be there. This (her graduation) is huge.

  195. Ellena*

    Good for this girl for leaving this toxic environment. It seems like it was a long overdue. Not just because of the manager with poor management skills. But the team? No one was willing to cover for her for two hours to attend her graduation but they went on to rearrange to cover each other?
    In the long term this worked out best for her.

  196. Interplanet Janet*

    Wow. This is so outrageous that my immediate thought was this is some trolling letter!

  197. Angela*

    I can’t believe a human person actually wrote this and somehow managed to avoid any “a-ah!” moment of self-awareness. I hope this employee found a new job. I can’t imagine working for such crappy people!

  198. Sukisuz*

    Just when I think I’ve read it all on this site, then this happens. I am at a loss for words………… My vote for the Worst Boss of 2016.

  199. Rhys*

    I am literally seething with rage after reading this. Good on the employee for standing up for herself, and thankyou everyone for giving the manager a piece of your mind.

  200. AngelicGamer*

    I was the go to employee for weekends and holidays and it sucked. I also quit without notice when my hours were reduced to just that for a volunteer, non paid gig. Best thing I ever did, would do again, and sad I didn’t leave sooner. Don’t abuse your best employees by giving them crap shifts or doing what the letter writer did.

  201. Unanimously Anonymous*

    To the employee who told this awful boss to pound sand: Good on ya. I got my undergrad degree on the ten-year plan, via night classes while working full time. And I didn’t have a tenth of the obstacles in my path that you did.

    To the OP / current 2016 Worst Boss frontrunner: Hope you enjoyed the righteous beatdown administered on this board by more able writers than myself. I’m seriously inclined to doubt that you’ll actually learn anything from it, though.

  202. Katie*

    I really hope the poor employee has someone else at that job who can provide her with a good reference. If she’s that great of an employee and now has a college degree despite growing up in difficult circumstances, there should be a much better job for her in the near future.

  203. CS Rep By Day, Writer By Night*

    Someone add me to the “wow…just wow” list. There are so many things wrong with this letter and entire situation it makes my head hurt.

  204. silvertech*

    Why do I have a feeling that this was just the last of many instances where you, OP, and the coworkers, took advantage of this excellent employee and her work ethic? You broke the camel’s back with this one though, for all the reasons that have been pointed out by commenters before me. I’d quit as well over something so egregiously disrespectful… there’s only so much an employee can give without getting anything in return.

    I say this as someone who worked (also as a manager) in customer support for years and always helped my coworkers and my direct reports when shifts needed to be rearranged, covering myself if necessary. I’m speechless.

    1. Lauren*

      I agree that this was likely the straw. This employee may have wanted to quit numerous times before but needed to keep her job in order to stay in school. So she became the model employee, taking all the rot that no one else wanted and being at everyone’s beck and call. This time, though, she got her degree and realized that she could now move on to a better job, better pay, a (much) better boss, and a better life. Oh, how I hope she does.

      And OP, you may have also given her a graduation gift, though you don’t know it yet, but teaching her what never to do when she’s a boss.

  206. macado*

    Sounds like there should be a new management position open instead of the person that just gave notice. You may want to re-read you entire post and look for some humility because I couldn’t find any. If you can’t figure out the problem then I’m pretty sure YOU’RE the problem. Most employees don’t quit on the spot unless there has been a history of similar incidents. I applaud your former employee for attending her college graduation instead of the alternative of you not granting them a 2 hour extension.

    Let me ask a question, if someone in their family died suddenly or the person in question was sick/hurt badly, I am assuming you would still make them work?

    1. Fuck Management*

      “Hey my employee wanted to see his wife give birth, but I was all like ‘dude it’s your second kid, why the fuck would you need to go’ and scheduled him to do a double the next day. The employee left anyway (during dinner rush no less!) and then gave me his two weeks notice. What should I do to get him to come back? I could offer him a $25 gift card or a $30 gift card to come back! I just wanted to show the guy what the real world was like!”

  207. Paloma Pigeon*

    Sometimes, when you are the leader, you have to step up and show, you know, actual leadership. A simple way to handle this would have been to cover the shifts yourself, or hire a temporary worker to come in for 4 hours to cover a half day.

  208. Sigma6*

    This is either fake (to get a reaction) or you are one of the most ridiculous and inept people in a supervisory role I have seen post here.

    And that is saying a lot.

    You speak about all the hardship this person over-came to graduate, and to her this was probably a significant moment in her life.

    You chose to ignore that and told her to skip it. Losing your “best employee” over 2 hours.

    You should not be managing anyone.

  209. The_artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

    I can recall being in a store in a now-failed-gonzo major chain.

    Two managers were talking… “Bill was late to work yesterday!!!”

    The other manager “hey, Bill is going through his final exams now at college, you might want to give him a break….”

    “BILL’S BEEN WARNED! HE’S GOING TO HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT! THIS JOB OR HIS COLLEGE EXAMS”…..

    Needless to say, he was ready to throw me and my wife out of the store when we broke down laughing at him…. which was fine, there are 50 places in town where I can buy a quart of motor oil for my lawn mower.

    The same holds true for a collegian at a fast food counter – I recall one young man who just got an a$$-chewin’ from a manager – I asked him, “you in college?” “Yes. sir”

    “Where? “Carnegie-Mellon, studying engineering.”

    I reminded him of three things –

    a) for you – this job is only temporary
    b) keep your eye on the prize – the goal – where you will be four-five years from now.
    c) try hard not to laugh – but think about where this clown (manager) is going to be in five years. Again, don’t laugh, just smirk and hold your head on high.

    1. Former Retail Manager*

      Oh YES!! I had fellow retail managers who had this viewpoint and were ridiculously inflexible come exam time. And they always seemed to think that the students were overreacting about the difficulty of the exams. If the exams, and college in general is so easy, then why don’t you have a degree a-hole manager?

  210. JM*

    This letter is basically Rage Porn. I’m going to bookmark it to revisit when/if I ever feel like working myself up into a fit of righteous anger.

    LW makes Scrooge look like a model boss.

  211. eve*

    I hope that if this boss does offer her the job back, that the new graduate turns her down. She deserves employment where her hard work and good brain are appreciated.
    The person who quit should be the person in charge of a team. Somewhere else. The LW has a lot to learn about how to treat people and that one should not take advantage of one’s “go-to” person. No taking advantage of anyone.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      The first job I had I was fired. The boss tried to hire me back the following season. I said no. It was so satisfying.

  212. Scandalous*

    The cost of a college education is exponentially more than the cost of concert tickets. Clearly that woman knew she was being mismanaged or she wouldn’t have had a list of all the times/dates of her covering for others. While quitting on the spot is generally viewed as poor behavior, that manager made it an untenable place to be by not considering her circumstances and work performance. She wasn’t asking to have the DAY off, she was asking for two HOURS. I would have gone right over that manager’s head.

    1. JM*

      Agree – seems like this employee was used to getting the shaft and was sick of it. She has a feeling she would get turned down for her (TOTALLY REASONABLE) request, and had her documentation ready to go. Makes me think employee is smart, savvy, prepared and strategic. Given the chance to work with someone with more than 3 braincells, employee would probably be a damn good negotiator, too.

  214. JM*

    Also – this may be fake but I also truly believe that there are managers out there this clueless. I once asked for two days off for a family wake/funeral – sent an email to the manager with the dates, got an email back with the one word “Approved.” Booked my tickets home. Went on my 30 minute lunch break. Came back to find the manager standing next to my desk.
    “I didn’t read your email all the way through before I responded and didn’t realize you asked for TWO days off. You can’t have the second day.”

    I was SO thankful that I had his approval in writing. I politely explained to him that he had already approved my request in writing, I had the vacation time accrued, I was one of several people in the office who were trained to handled my tasks, and I had already booked travel arrangements. I finished by offering to walk down to HR with him to straighten things out. He backed down pretty quick.

    1. SusanIvanova*

      Yeah, I had a friend whose boss was that kind of jerk about him taking time off for his 10-year old sister’s funeral after a long illness. I don’t remember if he gave notice or just flat out quit after that, but I do remember him saying that the boss responded with “you’ll never work in this industry again!” Well, my friend had been turning down Silicon Valley jobs just to stay near his sister, and had accepted one at the time he quit – and there’s nobody out here who gives a damn what that ex-boss thinks.

  215. Former Retail Manager*

    My mouth was agape by the time I finished reading this. I kept waiting for a twist, but no….it just got worse. I worked with some real pieces of work in retail in terms of both bosses and peers and I don’t think I ever worked with anyone remotely like the OP, and anyone who has worked retail knows that’s saying something.

    Kudos to the employee for all of her hard work and perseverance. I have no doubt that great things await her in her future.

  216. Susan*

    This is the sort of thing that makes employees feel like just another number.

    I can tell from the letter that the manager wasn’t trying to do that. S/he was trying to be fair. But certain life events feel monumental and when you don’t acknowledge them, employees feel like they’re not valued as human beings, just as worker bees.

    1. WhatTheWhat?*

      She was trying to be fair by making an exception for a concert but not a graduation???? Are you serious?

      I am hoping your dry sense of humor and sarcasm just isn’t coming through properly.

      1. Diluted_TortoiseShell*

        I think Susan was saying that the OP was trying to be fair by applying a blanket no exceptions policy across the board and how this letter is a prime example of why it does not work at all. A lot of misguided companies do this, so I can see understanding that mentality.

        Understanding acceptance.

        I understand why my toddler screams when he drops his ice cream but its still not acceptable behavior and its something we are coaching him out of.

        1. Diluted_TortoiseShell*

          HTML removed my not equals symbol. Understanding does not equal acceptance

      2. Susan*

        I understand your outrage, but even when I disagree with the letter writer, I try to understand where they’re coming from. These letters used to have a lot more of a community feel, where the letter writer felt comfortable responding to comments, even if a lot of comments didn’t agree with their stance. I worry now we’re making it an unwelcome place to do so. It’s so much more productive if someone who makes a workplace mistake gets constructive criticism and fixes it rather than just feels attacked and gets defensive. Sorry for the soapbox, but that’s where I’m coming from. I think she was misguided but was trying to be fair.

    3. Rusty Shackelford*

      Assuming the letter is real, which of course we are all assuming is the case, then I do believe the LW honestly thought she was being fair. Because people don’t normally “out” themselves so completely. If the LW had any inkling how ridiculous it sounds to excuse the ticket-holder but not the graduate, she would have come up with some rationale. People tend to attempt to cover for their biases when they’re aware of them.

  217. BBBizAnalyst*

    I think the letter is real. I have had managers like this who are completely oblivious like OP. It does not surprise me that OP thinks her employee is unprofessional. For some reason, bad managers like this are more prevalent than you think!

  219. Elizabeth West*

    OP, I’m sorry, but this was a very bad call. I don’t blame her one bit for quitting. You’ve been schooled now in what at-will employment means. Sure, you can fire someone for any reason, but they can also quit for any reason. And being completely undervalued to the point where some doof with concert tickets gets a whole freaking day off when you can’t even get two hours to graduate, and not one coworker will help because apparently your company is the Mean Girls high school, is a damn good reason. I got two degrees while working full-time. I worked my ass off to get them, and I would have done the exact same thing had this happened to me.

    Leave her alone. The best thing you can do for her is to provide a stellar reference. And leave her personal story and all this stuff out of your reference.

    I think you might also want to consider some changes in the way your company handles these scheduling issues, if it’s in your power to do that. Good luck.

  220. KR*

    I was prepared to quit on the spot once. I work part-time in a grocery store to supplement part time office work. The day before Thanksgiving is The Busiest Day of The Year. You can’t ask for it off in the traditional way – they block it off in the time-off binder and you need to ask the manager. They know how many people they can live without and keep a list and if you ask too late, that’s it.
    My boyfriend was graduating boot camp the day before Thanksgiving a 14 hr drive away, so I needed pretty much the whole week off. I went to them the day he went to boot camp to get the day off approved and I was fully prepared to quit on the spot if they wouldn’t allow me to take the day off (I was also prepared to drop any class that wouldn’t allow me to miss classes that week). I didn’t know my employer well enough to know that they would be fully supportive and happy that I was getting to see him after 3 months with very little contact, and that they continue to be supportive by being incredibly flexible with my hours, giving me Thanksgiving off 2 years later with a week and a half’s notice to go with my boyfriend’s family for Thanksgiving (his dad doesn’t understand needing 2 weeks notice for time off… a symptom of too much PTO ;) ) and reducing my hours whenever he’s on leave (they let me pretty much take a month off when he came home for leave. Because of that, I try my damnest for my employer and I’m always willing to stay late and I will recommend them to anyone looking for a flexible, well paying retail gig with AMAZING bosses.

    1. The Strand*

      It’s so refreshing to read that! Good on your employers! You don’t work for Market Basket, do you? ;)

      1. KR*

        It is a popular grocery chain in New England but not MB ;) They never responded to my applications – their loss.

        1. The Strand*

          Bummer, I’m going to hope they just had so many awesome people working there, your application slipped away from them. I don’t live in New England, but whenever I’m traveling there, I love to shop there. I’m glad that another chain in the region is working hard to keep their employees happy, like HEB in Texas does.

  221. lamuella*

    Your best employee. Six years without asking for accommodation. Your go to person for providing cover. SHe comes to you with one request, not even a request for a day off but to come in two hours late so she can attend a hugely important milestone in her life…

    And you say no. And you don’t think of volunteering to take the shift yourself.

    When she realises she has no support from you at all and you don’t value her contributions, she leaves, so that with her new qualification and work ethic she can get a job that values her.

    Your response to this is to say you want to chase her down and condescendingly tell her off again.

    And you think SHE’S the unprofessional one?

  223. Diluted_TortoiseShell*

    Al-i-son! Al-i-son! Al-i-son! Al-i-son!

    ^Me cheering you for being spot on!

  224. Rafe*

    Surely this is a troll question/letter? I have not rolled my eyes this hard, ever, when reading a letter to AAM.

    1. Leatherwings*

      As Alison said above, troll isn’t a word that’s appropriate to call others here, and she doesn’t want us to be questioning the veracity of letters either.

    2. Diluted_TortoiseShell*

      Considering that my husband was just given an $8,000 pay cut due to a “HR error” after his promotion 4 months into the role after exceptional performance I believe the letter is real. Many companies are incredibly short sited about these sorts of things and take fairness to mean “Equal and and no exceptions” when that is not the same at all.

      1. The_artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

        I hope he took action to correct the “error”….

  225. Geologyst*

    And I thought I worked for the leaders of pettiness when it comes to personal time and recognition for jobs well done. Lord have mercy, this is the most tone deaf things I have ever read in my life. OP, you need to take a long, hard look at what you’ve written, and what Alison said to you. You will find yourself bleeding employees if this keeps up.

    And I can guarantee you that. Because I am witnessing it happen at my current company. Rigid adherence to arbitrary rules, no nuance, no consideration of performance or dedication, and absolutely taking advantage of their hardest working employees at every turn (hello, yes, hi, I’ve worked nearly 6-7 days a week for the last 3 months for an overtime exempt employer).

    My partner managed people in customer/guest services for nearly 20 years. He was almost universally loved by his employees and by his superiors through the years. Because he mastered that art of judgement and nuance, of seeing his employees as individuals with lives outside the 8 to 5. He told me once: “You have to let your employees have a win once in a while. Even if it doesn’t seem like one to you, it will to them. And, as the manager, you’re always going to come out ahead anyhow.”

    I recommend you work on your “judgement and nuance”, OP. ASAP.

  227. Rachel*

    Seniority shouldn’t ALWAYS be the reason for things. The OP sounds awful and I feel so badly for the employee :(

  228. Lisa Stark*

    Kudos for this ‘BEST EMPLOYEE’ for quitting on the spot. This is not something I would ever recommend, but in this case, she was brave and did the right thing. I cannot say anything nice about this ‘manager’–they bent over backwards for an employee who had CONCERT TICKETS?!? How sad is that?–but one’s college graduation doesn’t matter? I would say this “manager’ is the one who should be replaced.

  229. bopper*

    The Graduate could have also just told them they were not coming in and leave it to the Boss as to whether they would fire them or not…sometimes forgiveness is better than permission.

    1. Observer*

      Why should that even be necessary. Besides, it’s quite clear that the graduate wasn’t quitting over the two hours. She was quitting over the fact that she was being treated like trash.

  230. MJR*

    Welcome to everything wrong with the modern work mentality in many countries, especially America. This manager is the very definition of it. Take care of your employees, they’ll return the favor (if they’re halfway decent). Neglect them, expect them to go somewhere that treats them like human beings instead. I worked what more or less amounts to this same job, from the sound of it, and I quit after 10 years (with two weeks notice). I have zero regrets.

  231. Kate*

    Please take a quick scroll through the comments here, manager, to recognize 700+ find you to be in the wrong here. You owe this young woman an apology, you should rethink your management skills, & I sincerely hope your former employee finds a much, much better gig going forward. She deserves it.

  232. Anna*

    You know, those milestones are stories we pass along to our future kids or future children in our life that want to hear our life journey. And sadly your treatment will get passed along too. I hope she doesn’t think all employers are like this. I hope you call her and offer her job back with an apology.

  233. PEG DASH FAB*

    Six years seniority and she is the most junior? No new hires in six years? Something fishy about this story.

    2. Lia*

      My guess is the OP may have been part-time. When I worked retail and telemarketing jobs, the part-timers, despite their tenure, were always junior to the full-time staff — and part-timers usually got stuck with the cruddy shifts as well. If a part-timer and a full-timer both wanted a day off and only one could have it, it’d go to the full-timer staffer.

  234. Katie the Fed*

    I’m way late and I see there are so many comments, but this letter really broke my heart. I feel so bad for this employee – what a terrible situation to be in.

    OP – management is hard. Really hard. But if you generally treat people well and try to care about them as people, it goes a long, long way.

  235. Vicki*

    “she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.”

    And yet she was the lowest in seniority, you used seniority only to assign schedule, and when she asked for _2 hours_ difference, you refused.

  236. Jane*

    I am not going to pile on because I think that point has been made (and made well) by the other commenters. All I will say is this. Typically when people make poor management decisions they are thinking about short-term needs and gains for them. And there may be valuable short-term gains. So, if you want to make short-sighted management decisions that may give you a short-term gain, that is fine but you pay the price in the long-term consequence of losing good employees that may not be easily replaced. This type of management behavior continues and thrives in companies and other organizations because there is generally some kind of short-term gain to be had and no thought put into retention. Many managers don’t operate this way, but far too many do, whether it’s a college graduation or anything else, some just do not think long-term. I once heard about someone taking a day off to go to a wake and I was so appalled by the employer’s response (including asking insensitive and inappropriate questions about the employee’s availability DURING THE WAKE). I was so appalled I thought it was a fake story. It wasn’t. This type of thing happens all the time, and it is sad that short-sighted gains often outweigh long-term retention goals. And then the same managers complain when their star employees quit and leave them in a lurch. You can’t have it both ways. Do what you want to do, but you pay the price. And again, it may be totally rational and may serve your short-term needs, but you pay the price in the long term so you have to balance the two and think about whether the short-term gain is worth the long-term loss.
    And this is all setting aside the whole concept of human decency and kindness. Certainly, it would be nice if people just did things because it is the right thing to do, but some people need more of an incentive. I think retention of good people that are hard to replace should be that incentive.

  237. Karen from Finance*

    OP I am completely disgusted by your actions. Completely. This was your best employee and her college GRADUATION. And you could not honor this one request? She didn’t even ask for the entire day off, just to come in two hours later!!!

    I am also completely disgusted by the fact you felt it necessary to include this woman was raised in foster care, homeless, and didn’t have anyone to teach her professional norms. Are you serious?!?!?!?! I think it is very unprofessional to disclose that personal bit of information as it does not seem at all relevant to this situation. You’re the one being unprofessional here. You and only you. You wrote that she was your best employee, her work was excellent, never missed a day in 6 years of her tenure there, was your go-to person for coverage on weekends and holidays. Sounds like she has some pretty solid professional skills to me.

    I am also disgusted that you’ve stepped in before to switch shifts around, but didn’t think it worthy to do so in this case, for your BEST employee and her college GRADUATION. The cost this woman has put in for her college education, financially and most likely emotionally (since she doesn’t have a support system as you pointed out), far exceeds the cost of those concert tickets. I’m willing to bet my last dollar on that.

    Kudos to your former employee for quitting. It sounds to me that she recognized her worth while you did not and showed you the meaning of “at will” employment. Please do not call her with the unnecessary, condescending lecture about professional norms. Please take some time to evaluate your own professionalism. My heart goes out to this woman. I hope now with her college degree she is able to get a better job and much better boss.

    Just wow. I think this should be a candidate for worst boss of the year.

    1. SouthernAZ*

      Good observation! OP — did you feel threatened by this employee’s excellence and drive? Were you hoping that if you were rigid and uncaring, she would quit so you wouldn’t have to compete with her in the future? Please take time to consider why you royally screwed your (and especially your company’s) ‘best employee.’ Learn to think beyond yourself.

  238. Nick*

    Beyond the incomprehensible attitude that a concert ticket is more of a cost than college. The manager then went to a website and posted semi-personal information about said best employee. While the letter does not contain the employee’s name, I don’t think that the employee’s history should’ve been mentioned, seems like a violation of privacy rights.

    I don’t doubt the validity of this email, I had a boss fire me because my mom was sick with cancer and I told him I wouldn’t be in one day. Good old Dunkin’ Donuts.

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      I don’t think that the employee’s history should’ve been mentioned

      I fully agree with you. Fortunately, rather than being embarrassing for the employee (which I guess was the intent of sharing it?), though, it actually serves to make the employee look better.

    2. Not So NewReader*

      OP, when you told us about the employee’s childhood, you made your position worse not better. She confided this information in you, OP. She must have trusted you or thought some thing of you at one point. Then it seems like you are considering that a strike against her. I almost cried when I read what you wrote.

      For the record, OP, it’s not a person’s fault if their parents neglect them, abandon them or die on them. No one has no control over these things. It says nothing about a person’s lack of character, ability to do a job or ability to take care of ourselves.

      She bailed you out many, many times when there were scheduling problems at work. It allowed you to sit back and not worry about things. She’s gone, OP, she’s not coming back. The best you can do is apologize like all heck and hope to heaven that she does not tell all her friends about what you did because this is a story that will be repeated and repeated.

      Former Employee: I hope you are looking at a new job with more pay and more opportunities, because you deserve that. You are one heck of a worker and smart bosses will realize they have a gold mine in you.

      1. The Strand*

        Great points! I wish I could dip the second paragraph in gold and throw it on a billboard. A lot of people need to hear that – including those like the OP’s former employee who may think less of themselves for having a deprived childhood.

  239. EmilyG*

    After reading through all the comments above, which I agree with, I’m trying to put something into words that I hope the OP could take to heart.

    I think some people believe that being a manager requires a different and LESS HUMAN persona than their regular one. When acting as a manager, I do behave a little differently than I do in my social or personal life, but I’m *not* less human. I think some people learn from their own bad managers that some weirdly robotic sense of fairness is how to manage, but it doesn’t work. If, as a manager, you’re put in a situation where you think you have to be less human to your direct reports, your responsibility is to deal with that situation *above* you, and insulate your direct reports from it if possible.

    What I heard in this letter was the OP feeling very much like she was in the right. We all think that she wasn’t. But maybe she just needs an adjustment in what her sense of the right approach is. Maybe she does… somewhere… sympathize with the employee and just needs to know it’s okay to act on that sympathy. I don’t think bad managers just appear out of nowhere, after all; they’re made by other bad managers.

  240. TG*

    OP you just gave her the best lesson in professional behavior ever-what never to do! I hope she finds a great position with a manager who can appreciate the gem that she is and who will treat her accordingly. You don’t deserve her.

  241. Jane*

    Also wanted to add – after 6 years, this was probably not the first incident like this and this was probably the last straw but she was smart and strategic about it and waited until she graduated rather than quitting in a huff any other time there was an incident like this.

  242. Nobody*

    I was a front desk person, working the day shift with strep throat, 103 degree fever and all, the night shift person called off because she had no water and my manager called to tell me I had to stay another 6 hours and then went skipping out the door with her bestie to happy hour. It just went downhill from there. After 2 years of not getting any lunches because of supposedly no coverage as well as working 12-15 hour days because night shift could not be counted on I quit via text message on a Sunday afternoon, stating I wouldn’t be back ever. Best thing I ever did.

  243. dw*

    A good manager would have said, “Well, since no one else volunteered, I’ll cover your shift. Congratulations on your degree!”

    Managers need to treat their reports as humans, not at interchangeable cogs. I hope the OP learns that lesson and soon.

  244. Kathy-office*

    Wow, OP, I can’t say more than what has already been said about you. And the sad thing is you’re thinking of how you lost an employee, while that person now has to think about finding a new job, and all of the time they wasted working for you. You have nothing to teach them about professionalism, and how dare you use their past history to try to publicly shame them and get a final dig about their “lack of professionalism”. Don’t contact them, I can only imagine how much they would never want to hear from you again.

    But since the OP is totally focused on themselves in this situation, it makes way more sense to congratulate the ex-employee on her graduation and degree. Ex-employee, if you ever read this: you rock and I wish you all the best! You deserve better than this. There are situations you tough it out through, but I’m glad you realized this is not one of them. I hope I can remember your courage in the times that I’ll ever need it. Don’t let this person get you down, and remember your worth!

  245. VX34*

    When the person with the “lowest seniority” is the stellar performer with 6 years of service, in any field (unless literally every one of their colleagues has been there 20+ years), the system that’s in place needs to be rebuilt from the ground up, because it is failing everyone in it.

    Cliquish coworkers? Management who allowed it to happen either implicitly or explicitly? Inability to see the forest for the trees?

    Glad you aren’t my boss.

  246. Kelly*

    The time commitment alone is tremendous to graduate college. Not to mention the cost of books, pens, pencils, notebooks, computers, paper, and tuition. The thing that college really cost was her time. She spent all her time studying, reading, learning and succeeding. For an employer to value a concert over that seems abhorrent. If an employee is valued, they need to be shown that value when they make requests. Basically, this employee wasn’t willing to miss the culmination of years of effort for a bit of overtime. She wasn’t asking for the whole day, only two hours to celebrate her biggest accomplishment and success and it wasn’t granted. If you want the best employees, be the best manager you can be. That includes understanding the needs of your employees.

  247. feminazgul*

    While I definitely think the OP should be taken to task (and I’m so glad they were), this letter instantly reminded me of dozens of letters I’ve read in other columns over the years about narcissistic parents and their children. And those folks, no matter who is telling them they’re wrong, almost always completely ignore the chastisement and dig in harder. They literally see reality completely differently and The hallmarks of an egregious boundary violation/abuse of someone in their power with 0 remorse and even acting like the wounded party that wants is essentially asking for permission to FURTHER HARASS THEIR NOW EX-EMPLOYEE.

  248. JennyFair*

    When I went through training at a call center, one of my classmates had left his previous call center job because his ‘vacation’ had been revoked after it had been approved for quite some time. The ‘vacation’ was for his wedding and honeymoon. I’d have walked out, too, if someone had tried to revoke my wedding in order to cover their call center needs. Do we forget that our employees are also people?! It seems many do.

    I frequently hear that the reason most people leave or stay is their direct manager, not company policies, etc, and I believe it. A good manager can make a bad job tolerable, and a bad manager can make a wonderful job soul-killing.

    1. FD*

      Hey, part of our culture here is not being jerks to OPs, even when we’re telling them they did something really wrong and unprofessional.

      It’s okay to tell people they did something wrong and why it was wrong, but we don’t do personal attacks here and we definitely don’t wish physical harm on people.

    2. Cristina in England*

      Seeing “Removed because really mean” makes me smile so much. Thank you for being an Enforcer of Civility!

  250. Michael J. "Orange Mike" Lowrey*

    I deeply and sincerely admire that employee, and wish her the best in all future jobs for more clueful bosses. If this employer is as boneheadedly stupid as this letter suggests, I doubt he is smart enough to do the right thing and try to hire her back; but he certainly should!

  251. Kisa*

    Past experience with call centers suggests that no employee is irreplaceable. Not even a supervisor or manager. But here is where I can see why the Manager did what they did, and why it was wrong. The Manager was rigidly following the rules because “It’s always been done that way” has become ingrained into the corporate culture, and people who didn’t follow the rules were punished, even if there was no catastrophe.

    Ask anyone who works at any contact center with more than 20 staff
    “how many managers it takes to screw in a lightbulb?” The answer would be “none, the employee asking for the lightbulb to be changed would be let go because they were stealing two minutes of being on-the-clock to ask, and no other employee will ever ask for a lightbulb to be changed ever again. Even though burned out lights are reducing productivity.”

    So the reasonable solution would have been to let the employee go to their appointment (same goes for people who booked concert tickets, airline tickets, funerals, birthdays, etc) and then authorize overtime or take-over the employee’s shift yourself, and if the person you are subordinate to is in a huff over it, explain that you don’t have enough staff. If you’re not willing to go to bat for your best employee, then you will not keep good employees around, and that’s bad for the company.

    Past experience has also shown that keeping staff in the dark why people are absent is heavily demoralizing. So letting this person go may have the effect of other good employees looking for better places to work since “this” company doesn’t care about good work.

  252. Anonymous Educator*

    For the OP, in terms of practical next steps, I would do the following:

    1. Reach out to your former employee, tell her you realize you were in the wrong, congratulate her on her graduation, and let her know you will be an excellent reference for her.

    2. Make a system of coverage for your remaining employees that is equitable and doesn’t rely on out-of-work friendships and social capital. Each employee has to cover for a certain number of hours for other employees, and all coverage requests should go through you. Yes, that creates more work for you, but it will prevent this sort of problem from happening again.

    3. Plead with your own manager (or whomever gives you your salary budget) to allow you to hire more people or to pay your employees proper overtime. It sounds as if there’s too much coverage needed in general with not enough people.

    1. Andrea S.*

      I agree with all this advice, especially #2 as I agree the current system does create an inequitable situation. A person shouldn’t have to be the most popular person in the office in order to be able to arrange shift swaps.

  253. Lauralk80*

    Wow. Just wow. I agree with Allison 110%. I also had a very rough upbringing and managed to get through college and my graduation is still one of the most important and special memories I have. I hope we get an update on this one.

  254. Maggie Brazeau*

    Worst. Manager. Ever. Period.

    Seriously, I’m glad she quit. She deserved better, and now that she has graduated, she will get better.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      Actually, we have a contest here at the end of every year about the worst manager. Stick around. This manager wouldn’t even make the top 10, I don’t think. Plus she’s a letter-writer and we actually try not to bash the letter-writers, because who wants to write in only to be torn to shreds by the internet mob?

  255. Andrea*

    You did not give her any other option but to quit on the spot. It was either that or miss celebrating a truly big milestone in her life. If I ever have a choice between my life or work for another person my life wins every time. And if I was her I would have super pissed after all the exemplary service she gave your company and you just basically insult her by not doing her this one favor.

  256. Anonymous Educator*

    Interesting how the petition intern letter gets reactions of “Entitled millennials” and “Special snowflake,” but this one (I’m guessing the OP’s ex-employee was a millennial, but I can’t be sure) doesn’t garner any “Hard-working millennials” reactions…

    1. Jaguar*

      Not that I think in any way, shape, or form the stereotype of lazy millennials is true even for a second, but an example to the contrary also doesn’t disprove the idea. In fact, holding up examples of of exceptions to a stereotype often embolden that stereotype (i.e., Obama is president so black people no longer face inordinate challenges). The employee discussed in the letter should be lauded and admired for, over the course of six years, never taking a sick day and reliably working overtime and weekends as needed. However, that also should not be the standard millennials (or anyone) are judged against.

      1. Anonymous Educator*

        But that’s exactly my point. The petition intern was just one example, and yet people were more than happy to use that one data point as proof of what they already believed.

        1. Jaguar*

          Right. But the solution is to not engage the argument on their terms. If you point out the hardest working young people as counter-examples, they become the measuring stick. Now, someone who calls in sick a few times a year and only occasionally does overtime/weekends is no longer normal but lazy.

          Part of what’s going on when people complain about a group they want to marginalise is to move the goalposts on them, creating ever more difficult barriers to overcome. Pointing out that people still overcome those barriers only justifies their argument. As long as someone can overcome, everyone should overcome.

          Again, I’m incredibly impressed by the employee’s work ethic (and even more impressed by quitting on the spot!), but she’s exceptional. The work ethic of an entire generation shouldn’t be judged against her high standard.

          1. Anonymous Educator*

            I was pointing out an interesting disparity, not trying to advocate for more “millennials” generalizations. More of an observation: this people are oddly silent on this one who were very vocal on the other one.

            1. fposte*

              I think that’s a general truth, though–people are happy to generalize about what’s wrong with people but not what’s right about people (other than themselves, anyway).

  257. The Strand*

    Haven’t even gotten through all the notes – but I can see 1/3 of the way through, that like me, folks agree that Alison gave you the definitive, perfect answer.

    OP, if you’re out there, I don’t think you’re the most clueless boss ever.

    That would be an ex-boss who fired a coworker three days after her father died. He died of silicosis (miners’ lung disease), out of state. The coworker drove all night to get to her family in time for the funeral. The boss fired her over the phone in earshot of our entire team, when the coworker called in and asked for one more day. The boss told her that she was letting down our team – bullshit – we were happy to work extra time to cover for her. Ultimately, the boss put her ego and need to control ahead of the well-being of the employee — but also, her entire team.

    The loyalty the boss had earned, the friendliness we felt towards her – it all died that day, when we heard her fire a grieving employee by phone.

    Please take Alison’s advice to heart. Use this as a learning opportunity, a chance to think really hard about how you’re managing, and what values you have as a human being. It’s not too late for you. Everyone makes mistakes, but only some people decide that they will learn from them.

    1. Unanimously Anonymous*

      OK, Strand…you realize of course that a lot of us reading your post will want to know about the final outcome. Like, how much time elapsed before your evil ex-boss’s department became completely empty of experienced staff? And how much trouble did she have finding any internal applicants to take a job with her?

      1. The Strand*

        There were seven of us, and of that group, only two was still there a year later. I think we all got the message that we were expendable, and as a result, we all checked out mentally.

        One worker was a low-performer who was routinely late, bad attitude, and would have found it hard to get a better job. (It was amazing she never got fired for cause. The fired coworker was kind, while the low-performer was abrasive and gossipy. This really added to the sense of unfairness.)

        The other one who stayed was a sweetheart in an abusive marriage — she still had kids at home and didn’t feel like she could leave, though we encouraged her to try and get help. I live far away and haven’t seen her in many years, but I often hope things worked out OK for her.

  258. Katie the Fed*

    Also, one thing –

    To OP, this probably seemed out of the blue. But I’d guess it’s like some breakups – the warning signs had been there for a while, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Because that list of projects she’d helped with makes me think she was feeling extremely undervalued.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      OP wildly underestimated the importance of this graduation. Employee tried to clue OP in. And OP still missed it.
      OP also missed the fact that we take care of our best people.

      1. Katie the Fed*

        Right – that’s very clear from the letter. I’m talking about how there were probably many, many other things that made the employee feel undervalued – as evidenced by the list she presented OP when she quit.

  259. apopculturalist*

    OP could use a lesson in opportunity cost. Everything we do “costs” things — time, mental capacity, emotional resources, and money. The employee with concert tickets paid for the experience with money, sure, but your stellar employee paid for her college education with money (of course), but also determination and other opportunities she missed by pursuing her education — things like the concert your other employee took.

    I’m just slack-jawed at OP’s obliviousness here. I hope he/she reads all these comments and takes them to heart, and hopefully updates us later.

  260. AVP Human Resources*

    Wow, OP, you blew this one, big time. I am completely at a loss as to why you would let someone go to a concert but not allow this stellar employee to attend her college graduation (?!?). I hope you learn from this because the lesson to be learned is by you, not by her. I’m glad she has enough self worth to recognize that she was being treated poorly and she walked.

  261. matt*

    I am finding it very difficult to believe that this is a real letter, and not trolling.

    The only people I know who would not recognize a graduation ceremony as a significant life event and therefore a perfectly acceptable reason to take time off are (generally) people who fit the Dunning-Krueger profile – e.g., not sufficiently perceptive or intelligent to be entrusted with significant decisions.

    I say this because the ONLY people I’ve met who don’t value education were pickers at a warehouse job thirty years ago, whose attitude towards my work on a college education was “I never knew no one who college did nothing for….” I tend to doubt that any person bearing legitimate managerial responsibilities would take the position the OP presents.

    If this is real, it’s shameful. But I smell troll.

    1. Alli525*

      I envy you – if you haven’t met a callous boss like this one in 30 years (especially since the recession started), you’re a lucky man.

      I’ll leave the “don’t call people trolls, them’s the rules at AAM” notes to other people.

    2. themmases*

      If you had read the thread, you would see that many people here have personal experience that is comparable to this letter writer’s behavior. I’m not sure why so many people here find it hard to believe that some people behave badly and have very little self-awareness.

      I’m also not sure what you and others making these comments think you are adding. Several people already expressed the same opinion. The fact that you do not read closely, think about what you read before sharing your opinion, or follow reasonable guidelines that have already been made explicit, does not make you seem more persuasive.

      1. Morning Glory*

        Seriously. Between this site and Not Always Working, I don’t think anything is fake anymore.

    4. Kalli*

      I was not allowed to take time off to attend a surgical follow-up appointment. I had to walk 10 blocks to the hospital and back in my lunch break, and make up the 2 hours I spent in the waiting room, the half hour appt, and the 1 hr walk there and back by coming in at 6am and leaving at 9pm. I already did that, so I was expected to miss lunch breaks for the rest of the week. Which I also already did, because my supervisor being the kind that goes to find someone in the toilet because they didn’t answer an email straight away because the email is so urgent it can’t wait for someone who’s just had surgery to finish having constipation from the anaesthetic was “women’s problems” and “sort it out yourself” until they realised that said supervisor was using ‘work from home’ as ‘let junior do her work’ and that when supervisor was away junior did 2 months’ work in about three days.

      It does happen.

  262. Nicole*

    Brava to this employee for giving her notice and leaving this work situation. That was absolutely the right decision for her. I would gladly talk with this employee, mentor her and consider her for employment.

    The notion of employee preference based solely on seniority is outmoded, disrespectful, and just plain lazy management.

  263. Tammy*

    The only question I have that might possibly give the OP a tiny bit of grace (though not, I fear, nearly enough to redeem the decision she made) is “what is it about your corporate culture that makes your decision-making so rule-bound?” Because if her company’s culture taught her that this was the right call, there’s something profoundly malignant there and this isn’t the last good employee they’ll lose.

    I concede that I have extra empathy for the OP’s employee because I adopted my daughter from the foster care system and I know the stories that come out of the system only too well. But even setting that aside, I can’t fathom how OP made the decision she made, let alone wanting to double down on it by counseling the employee on her professionalism. If OP’s employee was one of my employees, she’d have been given the full day off, I’d have covered her shift myself if that was what it took to make it happen, and we’d have done something as a team to recognize her accomplishment. Even if she wasn’t a superstar employee, human compassion would demand it.

    And if OP worked for me, and I found out this story? Let’s just say, we’d be having a serious conversation about her professional judgment. Honestly, as I’m sitting here writing this, I’m having a hard time quelling my anger enough to decide if there’d be a way for her to regain my trust at this point.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      Right on, Tammy.

      Where would a person get the idea that they were so correct they could call up a former employee, who is not on the clock, and lecture them about a work issue for a job they no longer have?
      This does not make sense.

      1. Kalli*

        Exactly. Someone being not an employee anymore = no right to lecture them on behaviour (or anything, really).

  264. Nancie*

    Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.

    I literally had a flash of white-hot rage when I read that. How callous, to act as if there’s no cost involved in getting a college degree!

    Ugh. I know we’re not supposed to pile on letter writers, but this is just too much.

  265. Uncle Mikey*

    Not only was she absolutely correct to quit on the spot without notice, but YOUR manager should consider firing you on the spot without notice. Her college graduation is actually infinitely more important than anything else she was likely to do in a call center for those two hours, and if you’re too narrow-minded to see that, you have no business managing people.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      we have no idea what kind of training or experience this manager has. Being a manager is pretty hard – it’s possible the OP really didn’t have the right kind of experience or training to know better. Her manager should definitely coach her and go over what she should have done differently though.

      1. Cara*

        I’ll admit we need to have some sympathy for the manager here and assume (s)he wasn’t trained to manage. My first job was in retail where we ended up losing every manager my first week (long story there…) thus bumping the assistant manager, who’d been field-promoted to the position without training a couple months before I started, to be the top-ranking store manager. I still feel kinda bad for him since he had no idea what he was doing, but that didn’t stop me from quitting when he scheduled me during my classes for the third week in a row despite me giving him my schedule a full month before the term started.

      2. Desdemona*

        I’m not so sure training matters in this case. You’re right in that without training, it’s unbelievably easy to be a bad manager, but you don’t need any training at all to know graduating from college is a Big Deal. This manager made plain in her letter she had the authority to make scheduling changes she deemed sufficiently worthy (the concert tickets), while making the choice to trivialize her best employee’s college graduation (she only quit because “she didn’t get her way”). If you have to train someone to recognize major milestones and that they matter, they’re probably not management material in the first place.

  266. Heather Lee*

    This manager is a jerk, and still doesn’t see what was wrong after the fact… Good for her.

  267. EricT*

    I was upset reading the headline and then just got more confused and angry reading the letter. Talk about poor management. If I were the manager I wouldjust scheduked the next lowest person and then explain to that person why. This isn’t an everyday situation this is a huge achievement for anyone let alone what this person has gone through. Amazing she actually even made the employee try to find someone to cover. We are talking about 2 hours not an entire day. If I were the manager I would have even covered it myself and if she is as good of an employee as stated I would have cover the entire day to let her enjoy her achievement and not have to rush into work. This letter written has to be in the running for worse boss of 2016

  268. Ruth (UK)*

    While I realise there’s already been hundreds of comments piling onto the OP about this… gosh it’s hard not to. I’m stunned.

  269. Alton*

    I have to wonder what kind of company this is, because I’ve found that certain fields (like sales and call centers) can put so much pressure on managers and their teams to meet demanding quotas and hours that desperation starts to erode common sense.

    At my old job, my manager called me once to see if I could fill in to help with a work-related event that was more than two hours away from my home (I normally worked 10 minutes fron home). The event was already in progress at the time, so there was zero notice. I’d made plans since it was my day off (and was actually out with family at the time). When I explained that I had plans, that I didn’t have time to work out transportation (my manager knew I didn’t have a car and that I used public transportation), and that it would take me longer to get there and back than I would actually spend working (the event was nearly over!), she still tried to guilt trip me into doing it.

    And the thing is, I knew she really was desperate and I was sympathetic to that. I wanted to help. But there’s a limit to what people can reasonably do.

    1. Leatherwings*

      I’ve mentioned this a few times here, so I hope folks don’t roll their eyes but I was a manager at a quota-based place and you are spot on that the pressure really can get to managers and make it logical (in the moment) that they make ridiculous requests of people. It took me awhile to start pushing back against some of those expectations and stick up for my employees against my boss.

      All this doesn’t make it okay, but if OP is in a similar situation I think it’s absolutely important and compassionate to consider that. OP, if you’re under so much pressure that you’re asking employees to skip graduations in order to meet goals, I encourage you to speak up and push back.

      1. Desdemona*

        I’ve felt that pressure myself, and also had to learn to push back. But would you have caved in to that pressure by giving someone else time off for a concert, letting other employees rearrange the schedule to suit themselves, and then asking advice on how best to reprimand the ex-employee? I’m not hearing “I had to meet impossible demands from above” in the letter writer’s description of events.

  270. James Betteridge*

    Seriously, how did this person EVER get to be a manager of anything more complicated than a mop?

    My message to him/her, Follow the advise you were given, Apologize to your former employee for YOU being completely, totally, and utterly in the wrong, offer her her job back, with a raise, and then consider resigning yourself.

    You have no business managing anyone else, because clearly, you can’t even manage yourself.

  271. Whiskers on Kittens*

    What the heck? I am embarrassed reading OP’s letter. This person is a supervisor? Why? Alison, my favorite words that you have written are: “Rigidly adhering to rules generally isn’t good management. Good management requires nuance and judgment.” Best of luck to the stellar ex-employee; I hope your next position lands you a much more sophisticated manager–one who knows when to use discretion.

  272. Mike*

    Silly manager, you have a lot to learn on leading. You had the gift of making your employee’s day that much more special and you crapped all over it. Managers need to have a focus on what’s best for the job and that also includes taking care of the employees entrusted to your management. If you take care of the employees, they will take care of the company and the end customer.

    The only “reaching out” you should do, is an earnest apology after a lot of soul searching. For you need to be demoted and spend a year in her shoes and then be brought back as a manager.

  273. Buckster California*

    This has to be a fake. I can’t think of any manager who would be this incredibly short-sighted and just plain stupid. They deprived the company of one of it’s best employees (be admission) – the manager should be the one fired for mishandling company resources.

    1. vox de causa*

      I don’t know – from the description of how this employee was always there when needed, willing to take shifts and trade hours, it sounds as if the manager (and the rest of the team) had become used to her just taking whatever was dished out. Particularly if they were letting their perception of her past color how they saw her. I mean, it sounds as if there was some judgement going on, otherwise why even bring up her life in foster care?

      What I’m getting at is, it sounds as if this employee was taken for granted, and that the manager never really considered that denying time off for graduation would result in the employee quitting. So yes, short-sighted, but I don’t think that means it must be fake. This manager badly miscalculated how much the graduation ceremony was worth to this employee, and sounds genuinely perplexed that she resigned.

  274. anonderella*

    I’m going to have to sort through the 900+ indignant, outraged, and well-meaning comments later, but I had to come add my own to this real quick –

    I agree 100% with AAM. This absolutely breaks my heart that the company wouldn’t go the extra measure for this employee. Six years, she worked there?! Six years she worked there, and she was STILL the lowest in seniority? No one ELSE could have done her job that day?

    OP, I would have quit, too. Not only because there’s no telling how many straws there were before this one for your “best” employee, but because if she was willing to quit with no notice for this, after loyally showing up every day for six years, I feel like you completely missed how much this meant to her, which is really disappointing.
    She counted on you for this; while I’m sure there was plenty of give-and-take in your employer/employee relationship in the prior six years, as the employer, you were in the position to give, here. Please gain some insight from this.

  275. Russell Lewis*

    i’d go back to the company and ask for my job back… at twice the salary because, now, i’m a college graduate with skills and a 100% understanding of the job… perhaps even apply for the manager’s job or a job as HIS boss.

  276. Todd Gill*

    The reader was probably a fantastic employee promoted to a manager. As it is clear this manager has no idea how to manage people. After reviewing the circumstances, then writing this article, the manager can’t figure out, understand why it happened? Either manager or this article is a joke.

  277. animaniactoo*

    FYI to those recently commenting – Alison will close the comments if too many of them are in that vein. Review the commenting guidelines directly above the comment box. Those guidelines ARE enforced here.

    You can be outraged, disbelieving, and a whole host of other things, but you have to be relatively polite in doing it, and you can’t name call or be derogatory, condescending, straight up mean, etc. If you can manage to find some benefit of the doubt as to how a manager could come to this kind of viewpoint (as a few have done here quite well), all the better.

    1. AD*

      In addition, a whole slew of commenters have labelled the OP a “troll” and called the post a fake. This directly goes against the spirit of AAM’s commenting guidelines, so folks should cut that out now.

      1. Leatherwings*

        Agree. It’s really tiresome to see the same mean and disbelieving comments over and over again, and they’re not constructive for the OP.

  278. Bend & Snap*

    Some of these comments are really mean and not in line with what we usually see from posters on AAM.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      I know. It’s like someone picked up a busload of people from the Yahoo News comments section and dropped them off here to spend the afternoon.

        1. Bend & Snap*

          I think you’re going to need a 5 Hour Energy drink for this one.

          Seriously, thanks for keeping this place constructive and respectful.

          1. Leatherwings*

            +1. I imagine moderating threads like this isn’t easy and I sincerely appreciate you creating a space like this one that encourages respect and kindness.

      2. K.*

        I saw the intern petition story on Yahoo, so you’re probably right that a few folks from there have meandered over here.

  279. Jak Crow*

    This person worked there for 6 years and had the least seniority? At a customer service job? I don’t believe it. This “manager” was just covering his ass.

  280. Joe H.*

    The best employee, excellent work, never missed a day in 6 years and was the “go-to” person for weekends/holidays, etc…. Well, that manager really blew it. This is what happens when you take people for granted. And especially after getting her degree, and being the “low person” on the totem pole for six years, someone like that is going to expect a much better position in the company, or they’re going to move on. Kudos to that employee!!

  281. Danny Adams*

    “…but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.”

    And I suppose all of her college classes were free?

    She absolutely did the right thing by leaving, and her now ex-boss would do the right thing by offering her job back. If she wants it – but she seems to be driven enough that she might not have too much difficulty finding something else.

  283. Steve*

    Is this story even real? Why would a manager write in with this question, esp. with all the backstory making his firing decision all the more obviously dickish?

    Respectfully, this one carries the scent of click bait….

    1. Katie the Fed*

      No, click bait would be “Learn how this manager decreased her overhead costs using this one weird trick!”

      1. iseeshiny*

        “This homeless orphaned employee earns college degree – you won’t believe what happens next!”

    2. Jeff*

      My former employer wouldn’t let me attend the birth of my first (and only child)
      in favor of their unwillingness to pay enough employees to balance the workload
      they had. I quit an 11 year IT career, top in the company, on the spot without looking back. For this young woman it was her graduation, one well earned, for me it was the birth of my child.

      Six years as a stay-at-home dad, a second round in college just for fun, and I had the most
      incredible mid 30’s a guy could hope for. No bosses, no “we need so you can’t” crap anymore,
      no more calls coming in every other night after 10 pm when the whole company was closed (but this server farted, so we had to call NOW.)

      Yeah, I have no doubt of the validity of this letter or the idiocy of the manager. In my experience, this is about what you can expect from at least 1 out of every 3 employers.

  284. Employee*

    Maybe you two should swap jobs for 6 months and see how you get on

    Certainly you look to be in the running for worst manager of the year award

  285. Ralph S. Mouse*

    Frankly, the only thing I think the employee did wrong here was to tell you she was leaving. Better course of action given the position you put her in would have been to not show up, get fired, and try to claim unemployment. No unemployment…judge, whatever, I’ve never tried to get it…would believe that you wouldn’t let her go to her own graduation, so all she had to do was say she asked for the time off and was told yes.

    Well, we all learn by living. Hopefully you’ll take the advice here to heart and it’ll help in the future.

    1. Erik A.*

      Generally most states consider “job abandonment” a action that voids unemployment benefits. I would never recommend someone simply never coming back.

  286. Milton Waddams*

    It’s the surprise reactions to this that sometimes make me wonder if commenters, or even Allison, really understands “how the other half lives”. I’m really glad this is getting visibility.

    This sort of work environment is very very very typical for those who have been excluded from “normal” work environments by barriers to entry caused by their social class. The reason the manager feels surprised and offended rather than guilty is because most working-class jobs work like this; when the manager says, “Jump!”, the employee says, “How high?” or they risk a poison pill reference and another category of jobs being taken away, with the ultimate risk of life on the street as the end result. It is so ordinary that nobody ever stops to think about how grim it is, any more than people in a place with harsh winters stop to think about what would happen if they got caught outside in the snow.

    The normal way this would have been dealt with in a working-class environment; she would have asked trusted co-workers first (who wouldn’t rat on her), and then would have faked being sick, while never directly refusing any order from management, knowing that they would automatically refuse any accommodations whatsoever.

    It’s a whole toxic culture — in some ways the manager isn’t even responsible, since chances are if she acted as has been advised, upper management would come down on her like a ton of bricks, and she’d have her own career prospects at risk.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      This is a good post, and you’re right that I really don’t have much of an appreciate for how badly workers can be treated in these kinds of low-skilled positions. There’s a reason things like FMLA are instituted – because workers used to lose their jobs over illnesses and other things.

    2. animaniactoo*

      The thing is, the manager did make an exception for somebody else, with a “justification”. If they can do that in one situation, they can do it in another.

      The responses would be way way different if the manager had been clear that they had no leeway and weren’t granting any exceptions – and had done ANYTHING to try and ask somebody a favor on employee’s behalf if they didn’t feel comfortable outright dictating.

      I understand where you’re coming from, there’s a whole area of soul-sucking have-to-enforce-the-rules-no-matter-what mentality, but the manager here has shown that they did have more options than they used, and that’s what’s getting them called out as having made the wrong choice.

      1. Karen from Finance*

        I completely agree. The manager accommodated another employee in the past, for concert tickets. Concert tickets.

    3. themmases*

      +1000

      This way of handling coverage, and this attitude towards employees from management, are very common in some types of jobs. I worked a lot of retail and food service before I graduated college, and have personally been treated this way. In my case my store manager tried to make me stay, off the clock, and call random store employees to get my own coverage for a friend’s funeral. I was a pretty average worker, but even great managers were treated shabbily– all that mattered was being personal friends with the boss.

      People describe their terrible behavior for the same reason they behave terribly in the first place: whatever their malfunction is, they believe they are justified.

    4. Honeybee*

      This is a really good comment. I was so shocked that there were so many people openly doubting the veracity of this story, but this comment made it dawn on me that there may be some people in the world who have literally never known anyone who has done low-wage work. I know lots of family members and friends who have been in lots of positions like this; I’ve had cousins who were denied time off to go to weddings, including one cousin who couldn’t make it to mine, and my father was denied time off to attend my grandmother’s (my mother’s mother) funeral. I remember my mom frantically switching shifts in her earlier days of work to try to make events. In fact, my mother had to switch shifts to make my wedding, although it was easier for her because she had more tenure and more friends.

      This didn’t even make me bat an eye. It’s real life for soooooo many people.

      1. Honeybee*

        But to be clear, I think it’s more some other commenters, not Alison. I think Alison has a really good handle on this – she’s discussed it before and has always been pretty fair minded and compassionate when answering questions from non-white-collar workers.

    5. LizM*

      Exactly. I have a cousin that works in retail. She’s regularly called in with less than 24 hours notice, without the benefit being officially “on call” (so no payment for keeping those hours free). Sometimes they’ll call her in, only to send her home 2 hours later because the surge the computer predicted didn’t actually happen. Her mother lives with them, otherwise I don’t know how she would manage childcare with this schedule.

      Another cousin was told to get a doctor’s note after calling in sick twice in 6 months. Never mind the fact that he didn’t have paid sick leave, he ended up being another $100 out of pocket to pay his copay.

      Yet they don’t feel that they have the ability to complain or stand up for themselves, because their managers make it clear that they’re viewed as easily replaceable.

    6. Melissa B*

      Thank you for mentioning this. As someone who grew up blue collar and is now in a white collar profession, the differences between how people from different classes are treated still blows my mind. I actually had to study to learn how to act and to learn what was actually allowed/expected to do in this new career that would have been grounds for termination in my previous jobs. People who haven’t been in it don’t understand the ridiculous requests and situations that just feel normal because you don’t know any better and because nobody else you know is treated with any respect either. It’s a different world.

    7. Alli525*

      So true. My brother was fired from a sandwich chain because he was seriously sick (well, the “highly contagious” variety of sick, not the “might die” variety) and no one could/would cover him. So his options were go in and probably cause a public health crisis, or stay home and get fired. It’s really bizarre and terrible how entry-level/minimum-wage workers are treated. It’s gotten so much worse since the Recession, but I bet it won’t go away when the economy finally turns around.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      Can we stop this, please?

      I’m not defending this manager’s actions, but for all we know she’s a newish manager. And that’s a hard transition – you have to try to strike a balance between being too hard and too soft, and hope that people don’t try to take advantage of you when you’re flexible, and you have to keep in mind everyone’s communication style and personality and issues they might be having at home, and you have to enforce corporate rules that you may or may not agree with, etc etc. We don’t know how much training she got or what she’s been told are the proceses she thought she had to follow.

      It’s very easy to sit here and judge. And this one does sound like it would have been an easy fix. But there are sometimes other factors at play.

    2. Leatherwings*

      I’m with Katie the Fed here. Making someone feel like crap about themselves on purpose is cruel. There’s a constructive way to be critical, and this isn’t it.

    3. TootsNYC*

      Not only is it mean, but it’s counterproductive.

      When you call people names, they get defensive–and people who are defending themselves are closed off: they throw up defensive walls, put on armor, etc.

      They don’t learn or grow.

    4. Tim*

      Sadly I agree with Jimmy.

      As a freelancer I’ve had hundreds of managers, and a few of them should NEVER have been a manager. At all. Some are just ‘bad’ and no amount of training will cure that – and some had been a manager for a long time, seemingly.

  288. DS*

    If I were managing this woman, I would have covered the shift for her.

    This young woman endured a life of chaos when we need anything but, yet she managed to come out on top and finish her degree – while being an exemplary employee. She should be an example to people of all ages. There are many who grow up affluent and in stable setting, yet do not achieve this much.

    But from one manager to another, here’s my advice for you: you will never fail if you learn from your mistakes. Learn from this one.

    1. harryv*

      +1

      tl:dr all the comments but I came here to say this. This is your top performer for 6 years. Went out to help on holidays, weekends. I would’ve went out of my way to ensure she was able to go to her graduation even if it meant making the personal sacrifice. It is as bad as not letting her go to her wedding.

  289. Matthew Malthouse*

    “she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.”

    And you wouldn’t give her two hours? How utterly unaware can you be?

    “I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.”

    A concert okay, but a person’s graduation — for most of us a once in a lifetime event — not? Rarely can Oscar Wilde’s aphorism about someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing have been so apposite.

    You really need to do some serious re-evaluation of your values, your professionalism and particularly your appreciation of your staff, how you interact with them and how you reward them. Go to your human resources team and ask for some help with courses on personnel management and interaction.

  290. Nanani*

    If you are “rewarding” your best employee by making them work more, I do not ever want to work for you!

  291. The Avocado*

    I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments too. My husband’s company put him through college to get his necessary professional qualification, and then because the alloted number of people had booked holiday, wouldn’t let him attend his graduation- despite in the past never doing this to anyone of his colleagues.

    I’m still angry for him now and it’s good to be able to shore up my opinion that his then manager sucked.

    He still works there but they have improved since then.

    Best wishes to the employee in this post.

  292. OhBehave*

    This employee was not taking the whole day off. She was asking for a reasonable exception so that she could celebrate a huge milestone in her life. Hearing all that this employee has overcome in her life is impressive. Now she wanted a few hours to receive her much deserved diploma and she was shot down. I am not surprised she quit on the spot. This workplace became a family to her I’m sure. My guess is that she felt betrayed.
    The manager should not communicate further with this person other than to say how mistaken they were and beg this employee come back. OP was inflexible while being quite flexible with the employee who had concert tickets. I realize that tickets are costly, but how can you compare this to the cost of this employees’ achievement? This in no way reflects how a team should work. Could the 2 hours not have been split up in half hour increments? Surely there was another way to make allowances.

  293. CFrance*

    I can’t read all 1,000 comments, so my apologies if my comment has already been suggested: I think this story is so outrageous it makes me wonder if LW made it up to get 1000 responses.

    1. LawLady*

      AAM asks commenters to refrain from questioning whether a letter is real. Please respect the commenting guidelines of the site.

      And honestly, you could have skimmed and realized that about 300 of the comments are suggesting exactly what you are.

  294. ArtK*

    OP, don’t bother contacting her, unless it’s to apologize. Otherwise, that ship has sailed. You nave nothing to teach her about professionalism. She quit abruptly because you put her in a situation where she had no choice.

    What you need to focus on is how you’re going to move forward. Here are a few thoughts:
    1) Giver her an exceptional reference. Nothing short of “Best I ever had; I really regret losing her” will do.
    2) Examine how you handle scheduling. The popularity contest is not cutting it. Wait until one of your current group annoys someone else and then they are stuck with the bad shifts. You need to keep track of who does the extra hours and use that as your seniority list.
    3) Vow that this will not happen to the next person you hire. That right, you now have to hire someone new into a toxic environment that you created. How will you protect them, or will you just throw them to the sharks?
    4) Learn about people and adjust your priorities. A concert may be more important than a graduation to you, but to many others it’s the other way around. They aren’t you and you can’t manage them like you would manage yourself.

    A dedicated, hard working employee who takes on all kinds of odd shifts and overtime is worth their weight in gold. Far more than the entire clique you have left. You and the whole group, need to shape up.

    1. TootsNYC*

      “You need to keep track of who does the extra hours and use that as your seniority list.”

      Or, keep track of who is working efficiently, effectively, etc. Who is really good at the job? Make that your “seniority” list. Then you can say to the people who aren’t so hot, “If you want good shifts, you need to improve your game!”

  295. Moe*

    Sounds to me she was always taken advantage of being ALWAYS willing to put in time and with her not being helped by the buddy system, that environment sounds VERY tribal. If she was your best performer, at a certain point that outweighs straight seniority, ESPECIALLY after 6 years.
    She may not have even been as shocked as she was hurt by her dedicating so much into this job in being THE BEST that you had, on top of earning a degree. You took her heart and literally said “Oh graduation, naaaah lets forget about that” as she probably put in just as much effort in earning that degree as she did in busting her ass for YOU and her peers. And she didn’t EVEN ask for a day? Just a couple hours? Hell, you should’ve GIVEN HER THE ENTIRE DAY OFF!
    Even in her request she was still hoping to comply and work anything she can for you. And to deny her that on top of her other sacrifices probably hit her like a freight train running into a pinata that her crowning achievement doesn’t warrent ANY flex? I can guarantee you “giving her advice” will only make for a very emotional (yet beyond justified) outburst from her, and you best just offer her unwavering support + recommendations henceforth (although she may not need it if she’s that much of a great worker). Otherwise keep your absolute distance from her, you had a chance to do her a favor & you choked.

    1. Morgan Sheridan*

      It wasn’t even a favor. They choked when it came to doing the morally upright and honorable thing to do on her behalf. Time off to go to a concert is a favor. Time off for an outstanding employee’s accomplishment and achievement is professional recognition. But the manager should steer clear of her after their profound insult to their “best employee.”

  296. lennix*

    I think my question is; why weren’t you asking if you could attend the ceremony?

    1. Morgan Sheridan*

      They didn’t ask because clearly the manager and the company did NOT value this “best employee” at all. There was nothing she did in six years that made her conscientious hard work, strong work ethic, and day to day efforts worthy of the manager’s or company’s support. More’s the pity.

      1. Zillah*

        Well, no – I don’t think the OP handled this situation well, but a manager (even a great manager) attending even an excellent employee’s college graduation is pretty unusual, IME. That has nothing to do with whether they value the employee.

    2. Jess*

      I’d wondered this too, but it probably never even occurred to the OP. Years ago I managed a younger worker (he was maybe 18 or 19 years old) whose entire family was all on the other side of the world. In his free time he performed with a music group, and I went to his shows when I could so that when it was his turn to have solo or take a bow there’d be someone clapping extra hard for him, just like the kids whose parents were in the audience had. It was a pleasure to do; he was my best worker, I liked him very much as a person, and as a bonus his music was actually pretty good!

  297. CallCenterVet*

    I have worked for one of these snake pits that treat their employees like numbers and I have worked for managers who lack a soul too. You can run your business by the books, by process, but in the end, it’s all about the people who work for you. Treat them with a modicum of respect and it goes a long way. In this example, respect left the call center a while ago.

    1) The employee has the right to ask to go to their own college graduation. I am flat shocked they didn’t simply risk you firing them for calling in sick.
    2) Clearly the employee knew your standards and likelihood to say no. They tried to accommodate your scheduling practices and asked for a simple two hours off.
    3) Giving another employee time off for spending money on a concert is the most insulting example I have ever seen. Oh sure, spend a couple hundred bucks on a chance to go out for a few hours, or spend untold thousands to better yourself professionally. You coughed up the chance to cultivate your employee’s education and paid for it.

    The employee handing you a little chart of how many times she broke her back for you and the company only speaks to how underappreciated she was. I feel for her. As for her quitting on the spot, what choice did you give her? You told her she had to miss her own graduation ceremony. I mean, come on now… You clearly didn’t take her seriously, nor have you in the past taken her professionalism seriously, so why on earth should she take you seriously?

    Good for you unsung employee… May you find happiness working in a better place than a contact center where you’re nothing more than a number!

  298. Lola*

    She worked there SIX years and still had the lowest seniority?? How does that work?

    1. animaniactoo*

      If she’s transferred departments, if she’s been promoted, she might have the lowest seniority in the department/team/level.

      1. animaniactoo*

        Or, if, say, all level 2 techs are scheduled to work and only level 3 techs can cover, not a level 1, then she has the lowest seniority of those who would need to cover for her.

        1. Leatherwings*

          Or if seniority is based on rank and she’s a part-time employee, or an associate while most of her colleagues are one level higher like a coordinator.

          1. JennyFair*

            Or if everyone newer than she was left because they had a lousy, unappreciated manager.

    2. MeridaAnn*

      She doesn’t have to be THE lowest seniority. Simplified example: if there are 12 people and 6 have to work, then she could still be more senior than 5 and still have to work because she is number 6.

  299. Marisol*

    My guess is, the OP doesn’t want to admit to herself how wrong she was, so she is doubling down by attempting to “teach” the employee a lesson–by focusing on the employee’s (imagined) wrong-doing, she can ignore her own error and save face.

    I hope she is actually able to let in some of the wisdom offered here though. It can be humiliating to realize you’ve made a huge mistake, but it’s far healthier to do so, and to learn from it.

    2. Elizabeth West*

      Excellent point. I hope OP gets a chance to do this. It will only help her in the long run to be a better manager, or perhaps decide it’s not for her. (It isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay.)

  300. Morgan Sheridan*

    Good grief! Good for her for quitting. What an unjust, unfair manager. How on earth could he on one hand deny her the opportunity to participate in a once in a lifetime event that she has significantly invested in -far more than the expense of a pair of concert tickets! – while being a stellar employee and then to think SHE owes him an apology for quitting? I can’t think of a more insulting and demoralizing blow to a “valued” employee than the way he treated her. I’d almost bet if that employee had been a man, this manager would have bent over backwards to make sure he got to his graduation. Shame on him.

    Frankly, even if he offered her her job back – even with an apology, there would always be a next time where she would get a “No.” out of him for other signal life events. She would always be the “best employee” while being the most unfairly treated employee at the same time. That’s not a job worth going back to.

  302. Samantha*

    Also, if ever she needs a reference, make sure you give her a glowing one. Even though she is no longer your employee, you still have power over her future career. If you do reach out for the purposes of apologizing, it would probably be a good idea to tell her as such.

    Sounds like she deserves it, and it would be terrible if her future job prospects were hindered by your mistake.

    All things considered, she handled the situation like a champ. Most people in her shoes would have been far less polite. To put it mildly.

  303. Shannon*

    I hope this woman comes forward. Based on what her ex boss says, she would be an asset to any company.

  304. Stephanie*

    Wow. I would have come in for her, if I was her manager. And the award for the worst boss of the year goes to. . .

  305. NJ*

    I would have worked harder for the 2 hours myself as her manager. Managers manage people including yourself. Sounds like this managers logic leaves a lot to be desired. Put yourself in your employees shoes and your decisions may have been different.

  306. justcourt*

    OP, everyone has done a thorough job explaining why you were in the wrong. Hopefully, you’ll really consider these comments and make some changes. I recommend starting with requiring employees to find their own coverage. That policy only works when employees can count on their coworkers for coverage. Your policy only allows more popular employees to take time off, so I would say it’s not working out for you.

    As far as AMA’s suggestion that you only call your employee to apologize, I agree. You should also let her know you appreciate all she did to help the business, her coworkers, and you. Also, let her know you will give her a glowing recommendation.

    1. Jade*

      Totally agree that employers need to nix the “find your own coverage” policy. My sister quit her last job because that policy left her perpetually unable to secure a day off. Good management on time off policies is not refusing to get involved in it and making employees sort it out themselves; it’s exercising good judgement in making decisions about allocating time off. Even in my days working in retail hell, one of the things I appreciated about many of our managers is that if you worked hard and were reliable, they’d reward you with time off when you needed it.

  307. Kain Victor*

    I would consider whenever it should have consequences fit the manager losing his best employee.

    Sounds like the employee knows her prioriteres and are willing to act on them. That will properly take her fare in life.

    Best wishes on the graduation and good luck.

  308. Doug*

    Good employees quit because of bad managers. The “manager” in the OP is a classic example of a bad manager.

  309. Jawneh*

    Career in customer service, huh? Let me be the one to break the news to you buddy, nobody wants to do customer service for the rest of their lives. She has a degree now and has a chance to do something more fulfilling with her life. Not to mention the seriously flawed way management dealt with this.

    It’s merely a step up from working at McDonald’s. Get over yourself and don’t take this *beep* so seriously

    1. designbot*

      In fact I wonder whether she wouldn’t have left soon anyways–she worked so hard to get her degree, surely the next natural step would be for her to get a job that appreciates the education she’s worked so hard for instead of one that regards its culmination as less important than a concert.

  310. Menacia*

    What an excellent description of a horrible place to work and a turning point for this woman. I’m sure her quitting was cathartic, especially after being a stellar employee and having no support from her manager and coworkers. This denial of two hours so she could walk proudly to accept something she worked to hard to achieve was probably just the final straw that broke the camel’s back. It always amazes me how companies can be clueless when they treat their employees like crap, and when an employee stops taking it, they lay the blame entirely on the employee! Customer service is one of the most thankless jobs, but my company makes sure they support their reps, and are always doing nice things for them because they know how important they are, not just as employees, but as people. I hope this woman continues standing up for herself and becomes a role model for others who have been treated similarly.

  311. Whip*

    “She was raised in dozens of foster homes, used to be homeless, has no living family, and apparently managed to graduate from college all on her own. That’s amazing. And while I normally think graduation ceremonies are primarily fluff, I’m hard-pressed to think of anyone who deserves to be able to attend her own graduation ceremony as much as this woman does.”

    PREACH!!

  312. kit*

    Typical manager, maybe you should have covered the hrs? Not a big task for an employee who was clearly a hard working one! A tad late if you ask me.

    3. MeridaAnn*

      It’s been brought up a LOT, but it’s not even necessarily true. There is no indication that she is the *lowest* seniority, just that she’s not the highest. As a simplified example: If there are 12 employees and 6 had to work that day, the employee in question could still be more senior than 5 other employees, but still have to work based solely on seniority to get the coverage.

  314. Brigitte*

    Graduation ceremonies incur costs, often more than concert tickets. Concert tickets are also easily refunded or sold, where graduation costs are not.

  315. hi.*

    Alison, you’re on Jezebel for this post – you probably already know but it doesn’t look like anyone has mentioned it in the comments yet. :)

  316. Andy Eddy*

    Dear Letter-writing manager: Your best employee didn’t quit her job. She worked hard there for six years and showed up every day. She quit you. Sorry you couldn’t appreciate a good worker’s accomplishments more, but your reward is trying to find a replacement for your “go-to” worker.

  317. Polyphonic*

    Coming down here to address the remarks of people saying this isn’t real because the lowest person on the seniority pole has six years of working at what seems like a toxic job. I will assure you, it does happen. If you are in a small town, if you do not have as much schooling, if you have other complicating factors in your life such as debt or illness or dependents, you will stay at a toxic job for many years if you have to. I am on year 8. I have been looking for 2 years. I am not alone amongst my acquaintances. Ideally yes, the invisible hand of the market will remove managers and companies who function (or rather, don’t), but in practice things are more complicated.

    1. Polyphonic*

      tl;dr: High turnover *can* be an indicator of toxicity, but not all awful workplaces have high turnover, sadly.

      1. Polyphonic*

        and a follow up: there is only one person lower than me on the seniority pole and they are coming up on 5 years.

  318. Donald*

    Making special arraignments for the concert goer and refusing this woman was incredibly unprofessional. She doesn’t owe you anything after that in my opinion and you should just leave her alone instead of calling to try and guilt her into coming back

  319. Dr Anna Randall*

    What is interesting here, is how this is an issue even better addressed through the lens of diversity. Pointed out in your wonderful reply, this woman is a Foster care superstar ! The cycle of poverty that nearly every foster use faces is daunting. It’s impossible for people who don’t understand the foster care system and the tremendous negative messages, experiences, and environment that sets up young people to be caught in its clutches. Educating others including employees and supervisors about the dreadful statistics that these folks face when going out into the world is an important part of diversity training. If the supervisor was it all clued in to some of the issues perhaps she might have been able to make an exception and feel that not only was she doing a good thing for this young woman but also a good thing for the staff in the office. I don’t know what this company does but the level of work ethic and professionalism that this woman showed in her Job performance was the mark of her own potential as a manager someday. Diversity training is far more than LGBT, race and culture, it is all about helping people see their biases (which we all have) and informing their world so they can become more compassionate and cooperative workers. I only wish this young woman could see the number of people she touched in this story. Rigidity is often the enemy of wisdom.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      Love this. I have four family members who were in the foster care system for their early years. They found forever families. Not everyone gets that. Even though family members had stability (as much as can be expected in life, I guess) they will be forever impacted and shaped by bouncing around in their early years. OP’s employee did not even get this much and somehow made it into adulthood and decided to have a full and enriched life anyway. Many people would have given up, but not this lady. She worked hard and worked for a thankless boss for six years and she managed to get her degree. Heroic. Absolutely heroic.

      1. designbot*

        I think they did file for bankruptcy yes, but there’s nothing that just abruptly shuts off the hose the moment that occurs. It’s going to take months if not years to sort that out, and some portion of the company may still survive.

      2. Risha (@rishabree)*

        They filed for bankruptcy, but all their sites are still publishing as normal while they look for a buyer(s).

  321. Jenny*

    If that ineffective manager and useless co workers are examples of the caliber of the people at this company, I think she did the right thing by quitting.

  322. Amy K.*

    I think you should do a follow-up with the manager on this one. Just because people are so pissed, and they probably want to know if she heard your answer at all.

  323. Chad*

    Please, tell us where this manager works so I can make sure I never ever use their products or services.

  324. Mother Teresa*

    We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

  325. 7Kristy7*

    I’m hoping she had a new career direction with her college degree and the decision to quit was not too hard, but just a bit earlier than planned. Someone as smart as her shouldn’t be working in a job with terrible managers like the LW anyway. But what about these former co-workers of hers?? What horrible people you all are!

  326. Stephanie*

    For the record: there’s a cost to graduate from most Universities. You have to pay for the cap and gown at the least. I know when I graduated with my masters 2 years ago, there was a $150 fee just to process my records and print the diploma, whether I went to the ceremony or not. SO the idea that concert tickets are important simply because they cost money is ridiculous.

    I also think anyone who would prioritize concert tickets over a graduation should be ashamed of themselves. One of these things involves tremendous time and effort. The other is a simple expenditure of money. One is trying to better yourself, the other is personal pleasure. If you can’t figure out which is which, you should probably go back to school.

  327. Juanita Harris*

    I understand you have a site to manage, and will remove posts that don’t adhere to the guidelines, but this manager’s actions are just horrendous. Constructive commentary is almost impossible for this type of obvious privilege and abuse of power. Allows time for a person to go to a concert because money has been spent? Did this manager even COLLEGE?? Wow. This is an example of the end of times. People like this are being put in charge and just screwing the ever living life out of everything. I’m sorry, there is no constructive commentary for plain dismissiveness of one’s humanity.

  328. DenverSkip*

    People don’t quit their jobs, they quit their managers. To give someone time off for a concert but not a hard earned degree? Your best employee at that. Shame on you. You could have helped her find a replacement or perhaps even offered to cover for her for 2 short hours. This young lady will go on to a better job and a much better manager. Don’t put yourself out by reaching out to her. You’ll be wasting her time.

  329. JMB*

    Seriously, this is probably the WORST manager I have ever read about. This person should quit.
    They are literally TERRIBLE at their job.

    1. Colette*

      I hate this attitude. Yes, the manager made a mistake – one she has the potential to learn from. If she does so, she could become a fantastic manager. If she quits, no one benefits – the company is down two employees, the original employee is still unemployed, and the manager has no one to manage so she won’t improve.

      In fact, I doubt any of the people telling her to quit would quit their jobs when they make a mistake, and I also doubt that they’d want to work for a manager who fires them for one mistake.

      There are two types of people in the world – people who make mistakes (who then have the chance to grow from them) and liars who insist they don’t make mistakes and thus never improve.

      1. Isabel C.*

        IDK. I believe that everyone makes mistakes and can grow, but the nature of this particular “mistake”, plus the OP’s wording and desire for “follow-up” suggest that the problem is more about them as a person. And I’m cynical enough to doubt that they’ll change in that regard.

  330. Uptown Girl*

    I sent it to “Here’s That Bad Advice You’re Looking For” so the Bad Advisor can have some fun.

  331. Formerstudentfor7years*

    I worked full-time while going to school part-time to get my Bachelor of Commerce degree for 7 years. I probably would have done the same thing if my manager behaved like this one. Not only is there the cost, but it is absolutely exhausting working a full 8 hours then spending another 3 in a night class. When you’re not in school, you’re spending every waking moment either working on school or worrying about it. Weekends and holidays are just more days to slog through essays and large assignments and catch up on reading. The same goes for lunch breaks. The fact that this individual managed to finish their degree and still be an outstandingly performing employee is a huge achievement. If this manager wasn’t such a clueless idiot he/she would have realized that this person deserved 2 hours of recognition for what is truly a great accomplishment.

  332. Undisclosed*

    The time and monetary cost your employee put into her education should have outweighed literally anything else. To deny her the ceremony she deserved as a graduate shows your poor skills as a manager, especially since you were willing to switch someone else’s end time because of the lowly cost of a concert ticket.

    Reach out to her, drop to your knees and realise you’ve made a big mistake as a manager. Humility and modesty is as important to a manager as resource management.

  333. Chaordic One*

    I’ll bet this is one of those letters where we’ll never hear back from the OP 3 months later to hear how it turned out.

  334. I'm a Little Teapot*

    In addition to apologizing, offering a stellar reference, and offering the employee the job back if she wants it… if she DOESN’T want it back (which is likely) OP should give her severance pay. Out of her own pocket, if necessary.

  335. Critter*

    I used to work at a place like this; the set up sounds eerily familiar, and barring a couple of details I thought I might know the person. Ultimately I don’t think so, but yup it’s quite believable. Mostly I’m inclined to believe letters are always real because for them to be purposely not real is just too weird for me to comprehend.

    I am really curious as to how coverage worked after she left. Likely what ended up happening that day and the days following it is what ought to have happened to allow her the time off.

  337. LizM*

    Requiring employees to find other employees to cover their shifts, and allowing it to turn into a popularity contest is more common than one would hope. I worked entry level customer service jobs starting in high school, through graduate school.

    At least in high school and college, my jobs had fairly predictable schedules, so I could request time off 2 weeks in advance and it would usually be honored. If the schedule had been made, I was responsible for filling the shift, the manager didn’t interfere, except to veto any switches that lead to people working overtime (which was pretty rare, we were all in high school so most of us were scheduled for 10-20 hours a week). Fortunately there were a couple of employees that could pretty reliably be counted on to pick up shifts because they needed the extra money.

    However, I was in customer service around the time that scheduling software started being widely used. So instead of the manager sitting in the back with a spreadsheet covering shifts, at least at the chain I was working at, the managers input our rankings (better employees were “given” preference for peak times) and any schedule restrictions, and the computer filled out the schedule. I was supposed to have a limit of 15 hours a week and couldn’t work certain hours because of my class schedule. However, I had a high ranking. Somehow, my restrictions didn’t get put into the computer, and I ended up with 36 hours during midterm week, including several shifts that overlapped with tests. When I went to my manager to ask what we could do about this, she just kind of shrugged and said that store policy was that I was responsible to cover any shifts I would miss. Apparently, this was my “reward” for being one of their top sellers.

    In hindsight, I wish I’d followed this employee’s example and quit on the spot. Nothing is more humbling than realized how very little you matter to your employer when you work on the bottom rung of a large, national chain. I realize now that I’m in the professional world how absolutely absurd that response was, at the time, I was so brainwashed that I thought it was just how workplaces worked.

    1. Jade*

      I agree this is a bad policy to have. My sister quit a previous job because there was no such thing as asking off; you got scheduled and if you had plans, you needed to find someone to cover that day. It was almost impossible for her to get a day off. I’m glad the young lady in this letter told the manager that this was her reason for quitting. Too bad this manager didn’t seem to get the message.

  338. Billiam*

    Good for her. The whole purpose of college is to avoid shitty people and jobs like that in the first place.

  339. LizM*

    My current manager has a fantastic attitude – if an employee is irreplaceable, that’s the manager’s fault. Life happens. People get sick, they have family emergencies, they have celebrations, they take vacations. It’s a manager’s job to understand that and build redundancies in place to account for inevitable unavailability.

    What would this manager had done if this employee had food poisoning? Made her call all her coworkers from the bathroom to cover her shift? I’d like to think there would be another contingency plan in place. If there is, the manager should have used that plan to cover the graduation. If not, she needs to develop a plan and understand she manages people, not robots.

  340. RedCat*

    What struck me about this manager that really demonstrated a significant lack of managerial skill was insisting that the missing hours needed to be covered by members of the team VOLUNTEERING to cover them. Surely scheduling is a big part of the manger’s job? A manager doesn’t ASK an employee to work a necessary shift, she TELLS the employee when they need to be at work, and then works with the employees to manage conflicts, etc. Making that necessary shift for the employee who wanted time off to go to a concert, but not for the employee who wants time off for a graduation ceremony simply tells us what’s more important to that manager. The employee was absolutely right to quit – and now that she has a college degree, I have no doubt that she will be able to get a much better job!

  341. toki wartoot*

    wow, this is abhorrent. i think the only professionalism in question here is that of the manager. the employee did the right thing: not making an unnecessary sacrifice for an ungrateful manager. my recommendation here is that the employee who quit be made manager of whatever shoddy operation this is, and that the manager posting this question be fired. the current manager’s judgement and sense of empathy are truly, deeply flawed. i feel very bad for anyone who has to work for him or her.

  342. James F.*

    I’d have quit too! Not only was she under-appreciated and subject to bizarre management policies, but she also just earned a degree that presumably makes her qualified for other jobs that she couldn’t have gotten six years ago.

    I’m also finding it hard to accept a policy that forces people to work unusual hours without advance notice. The right way to handle this is to offer an incentive and let people volunteer. For example, overtime pay, promised flexibility in the future, extra vacation, nice parking spot, or whatever.

    And doing things by seniority is bad. It just makes an insider club of people who have been there a long time and get preferential treatment. Anyone who is new will understand that they are less valued.

  343. Javier*

    Yeah, the manager screwed up here. It’s not good to quit on the spot, sure, but she did everything else right to deserve to go to her graduation. The fact that this manager included the caveat makes this even worse. The cost of the concert tickets is in no way comparable to the cost, time, and effort put in by this young woman to get her degree. I’d tell her to quit on the spot just like she did if she had asked me what to do

  344. Jordan*

    Instead of wasting energy writing to her about her perfectly understandable response to an unacceptable situation, reach out to as many friends, family members, colleagues and classmates as you can and ask if they have (or can make) an opening for an ambitious, ridiculously hard-working and highly effective young woman to join them. Do it NOW. You owe at least that to her!

    Afterwards, recognise that you, and you alone, made several bad judgement calls. Both you and your employer are materially worse off because of that. Think long and hard about the multiple mistakes you made here and learn from them.

    Your best employee, with no family to support her, worked nights for years to earn her degree while also putting in far more than she had to for your company. She is understandably very proud of this, and asked for a mere two hours to attend the official celebration of this very personally and professionally significant accomplishment.

    You could have made an exception. You could have quietly allowed her to be absent for two hours. You could have chosen the next least senior employee to cover for her. You could have put pressure on whoever it was up the chain that required this level of support, saying that one resource wasn’t available. You could have went directly to some of her coworkers and tried to talk them into taking on the hours.

    Instead, you asked her to give up this important event so that you wouldn’t have to make an effort for her or bend the rules. (If you did try some of these and just didn’t mention it, good—but could you have tried harder?)

    Meanwhile, these oddly inflexible coworkers start swapping their own hours for convenience or get concessions for a concert. Celebrating the culmination of years of night classes, coursework and exams to earn a professional qualification wasn’t a legitimate reason for your best employee, but laying down a few dollars to get drunk and listen to loud music was sufficiently compelling for someone less excellent than her? Policy is no excuse; this fails a very simple application of common sense.

    No, no, you absolutely should not be contacting her to complain about her professionalism. You are in no position to comment on someone else’s professionalism. This person was a model of professionalism in every way that actually mattered; you, on the other hand, just lost your best employee because you lacked the empathy to understand what this meant to her and the backbone to fight for her.

  345. Jezze*

    I find it quite interesting that the manager allowed someone extra time off for comncert tickets (because of money spent)……Do they not consider paying for college to get a degree and make more money for the company a paid expense?! Really?!……I’m not a huge fan of immediate resignation, but this girl was right on to do it!! Yay for her coming out of her circumstances and going to college, bettering herself and being an awesome employee!!! Boo for management and the close minded views, lack of seeing clearly the amazingness of their employee(s) and judging on the employee’s circumstances. This clearly hardworking gal will get an even better job and have great boundaries to expel in all she does!!

    1. Temperance*

      My guess is that this is not a job that you need an education to handle, so getting an education means you’ll be moving up and out. My last pre-law job was like this; they didn’t want to work around my classes, so I quit.

  346. Brad Bogus*

    My only question is:
    Can we get the contact info for that best employee you managed to lose? I’d LOVE to offer her a job.

  347. James S.*

    As someone who has been managing people for over a decade, the ineptitude of this manager, and their lowest seniority policy is staggering. This might be a boss, but they are NOT a manager, no matter what their title is.

    A manager takes responsibility for the team and roles. A manager does not say “This person has been here 6 years and is the lowest seniority” I’m sorry, you have had 6 years of a hiring freeze to your department that someone with your company for that long is still at the end of the long pole? I call BS. And really, if she was that valuable to you, you cover her shift yourself to retain and show that what she wants matters to you and her company. A manager listens twice as often as they speak to their employee needs, and will never make someone do something they are not willing to do themselves.

    Assumptions that they are uneducated in professional manner, is also at it’s heart massive discrimination. I hope she sees this and sues the crap out of you for it.

    The Manager deserved to be dropped (And really, his superiors should be considering if that person should remain managing people or even at the company) at a moments notice, and if any of my employees were treated that way, I would expect them to leave so fast I would be spinning, and without any notice. Hell, if I was the manager’s boss, I would fire the shit out of you for this incident alone.

    Lastly, a reprimanding email when she was clearly pissed at you, only makes you more the fool. If you are not already being fired for incompetence, I suggest you shut your pie hole, accept you done fucked up, and move the hell on, and never make the same damn mistake again. Coming here with that was the worst form of mistake you could have made.

    I hope for the rest of your “employees” sake, you are removed from your position asap.

  348. LadyPhoenix*

    I vote for this OP to be the earliest “Worst Boss of 2016”, and the OP’s company should be credited as “Worst Company of 2016”. You are all completely ungrateful, petty, and “unprofessional”.

    I personally would LOVE to see the OP try to cover their read, but I think the 1000+ comment stream has probably scared them off. A manager that doesn’t give hours to hard working employees and spills their private information is not exactly a “professional” manager, if you ask me.

    I have no sympathy, none, for this OP.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      I’m guessing no, we don’t include letter writers in the Worst Boss contest. Why would anyone want to write in to be crapped all over the way the comments section has so thoroughly done?

    2. Lori Scott*

      This manager was flat wrong. I’ve managed people in multiple settings, and the way this was handled is horrible. They then compound their error by wanting to know the appropriate way to contact the employee who quit and tell them that it was unprofessional? Ridiculous. The manager should be ashamed. The employee was right to quit, and I wish her all the best.

  349. Lisa*

    Your answer was exactly right and far more polite than I would have managed….well, okay, on my first draft. The person who wrote to you was so so amazingly tone dear in how they handled the employee who resigned.

    Very curious whether you hear back and whether the employee got a renewed job offer.

  350. Elizabeth*

    I think this manager is beyond horrible, inconsiderate, rude, and doesn’t deserve their job. As for the young lady who quit? Good for her to not be used as a doormat. If I were her, I wouldn’t go back to that company. She deserved FAR, FAR, FAR better that she got for what she gave to this employer. Shame on this manager/employer.

  351. Eliza Dolittle*

    It’s been thoroughly noted that this was very poor management, condescending and that the employee did the right thing. It also seems to me that the manager is part of a clique that this woman is excluded from. The coworkers refused to cover for her, but agreed to cover for others on the same day because they are friends outside of work and that she doesn’t intervene, unless of course there’s a concert involved?!? One could assume that why these same employees don’t do an excellent job, they’re all buddies.

  352. Bill Coffin*

    This has probably been said before, but I think the problem here is a manager who could find a way to grant an exception to a team member because that team member had bought concert tickets, but could not do the same for a team member who had graduated from college. The asymmetry of circumstance here is enormous.

    Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right thing. The right thing to do here, as the team leader, would have been to cover for the employee personally while she attended her graduation ceremony.

  353. GamblerX*

    Wow, just wow. The arrogance and narcissism of that manger.

    An employee like that I would have moved heaven and earth to get them the day off, let alone two friggin hours, and if no one else wants to do it Ill do it myself.

    You just dont treat people like that….

  354. Mel M*

    I will guess that part of this young lady’s success can be attributed to her intolerance for those who try to take advantage of her or “keep her in her place”. I wish much success to her, and shame on that so-called manager.

  355. Comrade Rocko*

    These stories upset me tremendously. This may seem like a small, isolated, largely inconsequential incedent, but this sort of treatment is the invariable product of something much more sinister. This girl was lucky to be able to quit, imagine somebody in a much worse economic situation. This would be an absolute tragedy.

    Know the sorrow I feel for the masses that live day to day, used and abused by their employers so that a profit may be extracted from their labor. Know the anger that overcomes me knowing that this treatment is commonplace for the mass of workers who must submit to this private despotism so that they may secure even a wretched existence for themselves. Know my seething rage that longs to punish the forces of capitalism that allow these things to not just occur, but be absolutely endemic to our modern society. A society where humans are treated like machines, disposable and inhuman, existing only to serve the visions and profits of the class of owners. A society where it is pretended that every person ought to not be a person at all, and simply dedicate themselves absolutely to their employer’s demands. A society where our personal lives, passions, and autonomy are continually intruded upon and eroded until our souls are crushed and spirits broken. A society where those who finally embrace any form of resistence to these norms are immediately slandered with words such as “unprofessional”, “ungrateful”, “lazy”, and “entitled”. This is a society that cannot stand forever under the weight of its own tyranny.

    Know that in all of my fiery indignation, I speak from a place of love for humanity, for my fellow worker, and an insatiable longing for human liberation. To achieve dignity, autonomy, and freedom for all people, we must act ourselves. Our chains will not be broken by our masters. It is up to us – the great majority, the working people – to carry a new society both in our hearts and in our actions. Workers of the world, we must unite! We must organize! We must educate! We must agitate! What they have robbed from our labor we shall reclaim, what is theirs is rightfully ours! Let the oligarchs and private despots tremble at our collective might!

    We have a world to win and nothing to lose but our chains!

    1. Comrade Rocko*

      I should apologize for assuming this person’s economic situation was not terrible, I somehow missed the bit in the post about her being homeless. This really could have had tragic effects on her life then. I wish her well.

  356. BK*

    To elaborate on Alton’s comment upthread about quotas in sales/customer service environments leading to flawed short-term decisionmaking, I wonder if the OP is not thinking clearly because they’re so burned out they can’t see up from down. I also wonder if the OP has perhaps experienced this kind of rigidity from their own supervisor and therefore assumes this is “normal” operating procedure.

    On the very slight chance that the OP is reading this thread and is interested in rectifying this situation, I would make a few suggestions. In addition to apologizing to the employee, I would suggest seeking advice from a mentor about how to manage these kind of situations in the future. Even though it seems clear to us reading the letter that the employee was frustrated, the OP seems to have been completely blindsided by the outcome. This suggests to me an opportunity for growth.

  357. James L Moser*

    Good for her! What kind of boss would expect an employee who is also a student miss her graduation??? That is just ridiculous. Now that she is graduating perhaps she will have the qualification to get a better job. She clearly deserves one and she will most certainly get one. Someone who is working to better themselves, and whose boss claims she is the best employee she had even thought they quit on her. She is gonna be just fine.

  358. Kevin*

    I’m sure with the degree she just earned, she was going to look for a better job anyway. Who gets a degree and uses it to work at the same job they already have with a low seniority status?

  359. Allywood*

    I am a long time silent reader, probably commented once in the 3+ years I’ve been reading the blog. OP I hope you read through the comments and received the constructive criticism. There are certain things in life that you only get one shot at doing and college graduation is one of them. It came off as insensitive to bring up her personal background to justify why you think think she quit. I think she made the right decision. She knows her worth and how you didn’t value her. As a manager its a balance game to meet the needs of different staff and you really made a bad decision. Hopefully you will learn from this mistake and it’ll make you a better manager down the road

  361. tk*

    Manager gave time off to someone who had CONCERT TICKETS that were already paid for…. this girl paid a fortune over YEARS, if the concert goer could get time off, EVEN IF IT MEANS THE MANAGER HERSELF IS PICKING UP THE SLACK this girl should have been able to go to graduation without having to sacrifice her job.

    If I were this girl’s manager, I’d have picked up that shift myself, AND know that that’s how you get an employee who LOVES you and the company, and really respects you and who will bust her butt for you in the future.

  362. Sherelle*

    Here’s the thing…
    She paid for her education. She excelled when she was lacking all the stability that many people have throughout their lives. When I worked in management, if someone could not make a shift and it was a good reason, I covered their shift. I’m a firm believer that I cannot ask someone to do something I’m not willing to do. She should have been celebrated for all she did for your company and herself. I am curious; before she wrote everything out, did you notice how much of a team player she was. Besides, HR has a way for you to get in touch with her if you wanted to contact her that bad. But like the writer said, if it’s not to apologize, let her move on with her life, to work for people that actually appreciate how she goes out her way. Case by case basis. Let this be a lesson.

  363. Susan*

    The fact that no one on the team would cover for her also sends the message that this manager does not foster teamwork in her people. In all of the teams I have managed, everyone celebrated milestones like that and was more than willing to work together.

    Any manager worth their salt would have stepped in and up on this situation.

  364. Taylor Wilson*

    I agree completely with the responses, this manager did not respond appropriately so I won’t go into that, but what really blows my mind is that this woman didn’t even ask for the whole day off for her graduation, she just asked to be two hours late! The managers response is unfathomable. They claim to be her only family, and she should have been supported as such. She worked and attended school at night without missing any day of work in 6 years. I’m just shocked at this response. I am proud of the woman who left because obviously she was in a stifling environment that did not fan the flame of her drive or ambition. Good for her.

  365. Shea*

    Am I the only one who thinks this letter sounds suspiciously fake? I agree with your outrage and measured response, Allison, but if it came anonymously, I’m wondering if you weren’t duped by a prankster. There are just too many red flags going on to convince me of it’s credibility–mainly, if someone has been elevated to a managerial position and has developed a six-year relationship with an employee, I find it hard to believe said manager wouldn’t be able to make such a small concession. A brand-new employee? Sure. But six years? A lot of employers/employees become like family after that much time (not all, but quite a few).

    There are other things that, while plausible, smell kind of funny. An orphan who has been in and out of foster care with no living relatives to speak of? Who always worked late and covered shifts, and has never missed a single day of work? It reads like a bad fiction novel. Again, I’m not saying it’s not possible, just that sounds awfully far-fetched to my jaded ears. At any rate, I think your response was absolutely agreeable, but I’d be wary of such suspicious-sounding letters.

    1. fposte*

      Here’s the math as I see it: being right when you publicly call a letter a fake in this venue wins nothing. This isn’t a blog about that, so there’s no approbation; no contest or prize. It doesn’t discourage fakers from writing in, because that’s part of the game, and Alison chooses the questions she wants anyway.

      Being *wrong* when you publicly call a letter a fake loses stuff. It hurts the letter writer, who’s now accused of being a liar; it discourages future letter writers, who don’t want to have to prove themselves just to get some help; it erodes the culture Alison tries to create here.

      So to me there’s no percentage in labeling something a fake when it’s quite likely to cause harm and doesn’t get you any advantage. If you’re looking for is the satisfaction of calling something fake, by all means, do so as loudly as you want–just to your computer or cubemates or someplace that isn’t in the LW’s face.

      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        This is really well said.

        The reality is, I don’t know any better than anyone else whether a letter is fake. I make an educated case, based in part on looking at dozens of letters a day, but I could certainly be fooled. I assume most advice columnists accidentally print a fake letter from time to time.

        But I feel a real protectiveness toward my letter-writers (both any current letter-writer and prospective future ones), for all the reasons you say here. I don’t expect anyone else to feel quite that same level of protectiveness toward them, but I do hope that people who enjoy spending time reading and commenting here will have at least a bit of it — or at least have respect for it if they don’t feel it themselves.

    2. K.*

      I have a friend who’s a foster parent (her foster daughter just finished her freshman year of college). My brother was a Big Brother to a kid who was adopted out of the foster care system at 10. Two former colleagues were foster parents (one adopted her younger daughter out of the system). That this employee had no living family and had been in dozens of foster homes didn’t make me bat an eye. The kid my brother worked with had only one living relative: his bio mother, who is in prison for life for various drug-related and violent offenses, including murders. It’s suspected that she was involved with the murder of his father. He was adopted by a wonderful, loving family, but if he hadn’t been? He absolutely would have been homeless at 18 when he aged out. The manager’s behavior is the less plausible thing to me in this letter (and I’ve been reading AAM for a long time, so I buy that too), not the employee’s back story.

  366. ReneeG57*

    Personally, I’m inclined to say that the manager’s boss might consider demoting them and hiring a certain recent college graduate with six years of experience in that field to take over as manager.

    I doubt that the new manager would be letting people “work it out themselves” or show the kind of favoritism that the letter writer did.

    I also have to wonder if there is a lawyer talking to the “recent college graduate” about a possible discrimination suit? Not that I usually advocate that sort of thing, but sometimes you have to hit the Neanderthal with a really big club to get their attention.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      Discrimination on what grounds? Unless OP didn’t approve the leave because of a protected class like sex, race, ethnicity, national origin, disability, there’s nothing illegal. And the employee quit – this wasn’t such an egregious action that she had no choice but to quit. But I love that she did – what a great way to do it too.

  367. MsC*

    Good for the employee. This hit close to home for me. Early in my career, I was still in the probationary period of a new job, living five hours away from home, when my grandfather died. It was a busy time at work, and my boss let me know that my job would be on the line if I took time off to go to the funeral. After making the mistake of mentioning this to my father, who promptly pushed very hard (putting it mildly) for me to not upset my mother by risking my job, I caved and didn’t go. It is one of the biggest regrets of my life, that I didn’t stand up for myself and do as this young woman did. After that, the rest of my time there had a constant negative undercurrent, and I left as soon as I could. This boss doesn’t realize that they not only lost an outstanding employee, but probably the respect of the other employees. I bet many of them started doing job searches as soon as they found out about this.

  369. James W*

    Six years and she’s lowest in seniority? How do they have zero turnover if this is the kind of leadership decisions they have?

  370. fudge*

    Yikes, OP. You really screwed this one up unfortunately. This former employee of yours worked hard and you said she was your best. This isn’t the way to treat the best employee. She did the right thing leaving the position and I would have done the same. Your position is just part-time and she just graduated with a degree! She has a whole new wealth of opportunity available to her now and who knows, maybe she has something lined up and was biding her time with you until after graduation.

    Cost is involved in a degree, monetary and time spent personally. She would have sacrificed a lot in her life to pursue her degree and has earned the right to celebrate it. Not like a concert… A CONCERT!! Graduating is an important life event and exceptions must be made with advance notice, which she gave to you. That’s the professional way to do things if you’re wondering.

    You also need to revisit your time off policy. It’s unfair to allow employees to chat amongst themselves and switch shifts like that – especially when they are on a buddy basis. You should be in charge here and ensure you have adequate staffing levels. This type of process creates an exclusive club that only the popular girls can take advantage of. They are using their time off as buddy cards to switch with who they deem worthy – that’s not right.

  371. Suesan Robbins*

    Since she was tour best employee, and she went to college nights and probably weekends, you should have stepped in helped her covet that 2 hours. In fact, you should have covered them yourself.

    This “great” employee has done more than her fair share and all she asked for was two hours so she could join her classmates to receive her accolades (diploma).

    Maybe she wasn’t quite as professional as you thought she should be. SHAME ON YOU for putting her in a position where she thought her only way out was to quit!

    YOU LOSE BIG TIME!!!

  372. Alex*

    I’m surprised more people don’t think this letter is fake. I mean, the situation might be real (and if it is, then that manager is the worst), but the LW is not the manager. Could be the employee, I don’t know. But the LW describes everything as if they understand things from the employee’s point of view. The use of the phrase “each and every one of her coworkers” tipped me off. And then as others are pointing out, if the employee worked there for 6 years, how could she have the lowest seniority? Seems fishy. But either way, it’s fun for discussing and venting about.

    1. Sean Howard*

      I thought it was outright trolling, but I think you’re onto something. Most people write things like this in a way that minimizes their bad actions – this person seems to be doing everything they can to highlight them.

  373. Alexis*

    Where I work we all would have been at that graduation. We are family. How mean is that…

  374. Liz L*

    ” . . . . Since she’s never had anyone to teach her professional norms, I want to help her so she doesn’t make the same mistake again.”

    I’ve never read anything so condescending. OP, I have to wonder whether you discriminated against this amazing ex-employee all these years BECAUSE of her background. You unveiled a very serious prejudice in this letter that you didn’t seem to be conscious of. You made some very poor decisions, yes, but I didn’t think that you were malicious about it. But then I got to the part about this go-getter’s socioeconomic background and your strange notion that somehow she is lacking something fundamental when you were the one in the wrong — and frankly, I think you need to take a hard look at yourself and think twice before categorizing people into any sort of boxes or hierarchy. And by this, I don’t mean that you’re evil or incapable of making better decisions. It’s an opportunity to change the way you view the world, to be able to regard people of different backgrounds with the same consideration and respect that you would give those more familiar to you. Congratulations! I hope that someday you become an awesome coworker/manager.

  375. Cyn*

    Why couldn’t the manager make an exception by actually working her shift. I respect managers that are willing to take on other tasks.

  376. Joanna*

    In addition to how horrible this particular incident is, I think it points to an additional more widespread problem at the company of not maintaining appropriate staffing levels. Perhaps baring very small businesses, if the business cannot deal with someone being out of the office for two hours at short notice, they haven’t hired enough people. There’s a myriad of reasons why someone could need to be two hours late (a car accident on the way to work, an emergency dental appointment, their kid flooded the bathroom that morning……) and the business needs to be able to deal with that.

  377. Jo*

    Wait a sec – isn’t it part of a manager’s job to do the scheduling? And you, OP, put it off on the employees instead of doing that part of your job?

    This young woman, instead of making friends with coworkers outside of work, spent years working on getting a degree. She worked to better herself and apparently had no intention of leaving despite her degree (and the added value that brings to her as an employee) right up until you showed how little you valued her.

    When it comes to professionalism, you have no lessons to teach her. I only hope this teaches you a few.

  378. MJ*

    This is nuts, this manager doesn’t deserve to be a manager if she can’t be a team player. This manager should have stepped up to the plate, and filled in those two hours. If you didn’t want to lose your best employee, your over inflated ego should have stepped up. Just reading this, and the fact you think that her career will be harmed more than yours, shows what a bad manager you really are. I suggest you become part of the TEAM- and be a supportive manager, rather than a finger pointing manager. I would never work for someone like you who does not value their employees, and step up to the plate during this important milestone in their life. Regardless of seniority, you could have made the choice to let her go, and you fill in or you find someone as the manger- simply put you didn’t want to do the hard part of your job and MANAGE your employees.

  380. Kat Ingersoll*

    Wow, so much I want to say about this entitled manager that has already been said!

    The employee in question was able to graduate college in spite of big hurdles like being in foster care and homelessness. That, in itself, speaks to her work ethic and ability to rise to a goal she sets for herself. And if she’s the “go to” employee at that company, she’ll be the “go to” employee elsewhere. If references are an issue, I’m sure she’ll have no shortage of them from college professors and counselors. (In fact, my own “go to” reference is my taekwondo instructor, since he’s known me since I was 14.)

    Most good employees don’t quit their jobs, they quit their managers. She had every right to quit the OP.

  381. Patty*

    You do not deserve an employee as good as her.

    Another employee chose to buy tickets for a show when they were supposed to be working and that’s ok…but a college graduation is somehow something she should skip because you need her to work a couple of hours.

    You should have stood up to your team and simply assigned the person next up on the seniority list to work for her and given her the day off. She just wanted a couple of hours, and you couldn’t!t even manage THAT. You’re no manager and you’re certainly a coward. She should disregard any advice you want to give her.

  382. Joyyo*

    This isn’t a real story, right? Un believable! So so wrong on “so many levels”. Smart college graduate!!!!!

  383. Ryan*

    I think there’s a bit of a double standard here. By letting the concertgoer change hours, you’re saying that play beats out hard work for priority of shift changes. Also, you’re saying that the relatively negligible money paid for a couple of concert tickets far outweighs the THOUSANDS that your other employee paid to go to school, plus the effort they actually put in to graduating.

    So by my math, there was a lot more invested in the college education than the concert tickets.

    All you can do is learn from your mistake, and not put a double standard on “special circumstance because of cost involved”

  384. Fafaflunkie*

    It’s unbelievable that someone would have the gall to write to Alison about a situation like this, especially when said someone kept praising what she’s done for the company over six(!) years. Then to say to her “sorry, you need to be here on your graduation day since you couldn’t find someone to cover for you” truly sickens me. I may be a bit of a hardass in my role at work, but I’ll always try my best to accommodate someone, even if it means doing their job myself on top of mine, as long as I feel they’re not trying to push my generosity. From what I read of OP’s letter, the employee bent over backwards to fill in for her colleagues when they needed to be away from work, in spite of her going to school and needing to study on the off time she now didn’t have.

    Upthread, I paraphrased “you reap what you sow.” OP, I hope you dearly consider what you’ve read, both in Alison’s response, and the 1,268 (as of this posting) replies to your letter.

  385. Sadie Sachristan*

    I think that people might want to start considering that events that they don’t feel are important because they personally don’t care are not “fluff,” but rituals designed to recognize milestones in people’s lives. Americans in general (and I am American, but lived abroad for quite some time) are very self-centered about what is important and tend to project their needs and values onto others – deeming their events and rites of passage and the need to celebrate them pointless or unimportant. It is exactly that attitude that had this manager assigning more weight to money spent on a frivilous pursuit than a ritual created to mark his employee’s considerable achievement (especially for her). We can start by respecting the value of such personal milestones rather than labeling them as “fluff.”

  386. fudge*

    A lot of you are questioning the authenticity of this letter due to her lack of seniority at the company after 6 years. She worked there part-time which usually pushes you down quite a few rungs. She could be the only part-timer there or the shortest serving part-timer.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Yep. Also, there are two types of seniority: seniority by rank and seniority by years of service. It’s perfectly plausible that someone could have six years at the company and be junior by rank (meaning the level of position she holds).

      1. AmyR*

        But HER GRADUATION! That is like saying someone isn’t senior enough to have time off to get married or go to a funeral for a close relative! Seniority isn’t the issue at all here – it was her GRADUATION, not her birthday!

        1. Ask a Manager* Post author

          Where on earth are you getting the idea that I’m defending the manager? I hope I made my condemnation of her actions clear in the original post.

          My point is only that the six years of work isn’t inherently incompatible with not having seniority.

      2. Emily*

        Ah okay that makes sense… I made the same point below before delving into the mountain of replies!

    2. finman*

      I worked at a factory location that was union and used seniority when deciding upon job changes/layoffs. I knew of 2 people with 30+ years of service in a department who were the most junior members and thus were chosen to be laid off when that decision had to be made. 6 years in an organization that generally treats employees well isn’t unreasonable.

  387. Robert McKnight*

    I am at a loss to explain this concert tickets ok because they were paid for, but college graduation not ok. Despite her hardships growing up, if cost is the justification here, college is not free the last time I checked. She paid for that graduation in time, effort, and student loans she’ll be paying for the next 20 years. If cost is the arbiter of who gets effort for time off and who does not, she wins. Sorry.

  388. Mark*

    The manager asking the question should have covered those two hours for her employee herself. How she handled the situation is almost as bad as her desire to use it as a learning experience to teach the girl a lesson about quitting. This is a clear example of how not to manage a staff.

  389. Fafaflunkie*

    Hey, Alison, I think you may have just broken a record for most replies to a single post on this site.

    As of this one, we’re up to 1,380 of them. Maybe you can thank Jezebel for some of them, but I’ve never seen this many replies to one single post (including open threads.) This OP surely brought out what anyone with a conscience would say “WTF?”

    1. XOXO*

      The “how much money do you make” post a few years back is her most commented on thread – but this one is in in the running for sure.

  390. Reginald Hornsby*

    I was referred to this post by a cross-link. My first visit to this site.
    Wow! Hard to believe this is real. I’m sharing this with my wife because she has a boss who is almost as insensitive and a by-the-rules (but not always, depending on who’s involved) kind of guy. With him as with the letter writing manager, the rules seem to function more as a convenient cover for an inability (or fear?) to exercise discretionary judgment.
    I generally like your response to the letter Alison, but I’m surprised by your remark “while I normally think graduation ceremonies are primarily fluff, I’m hard-pressed to think of anyone who deserves to be able to attend her own graduation ceremony as much as this woman does.”
    I’m just curious:
    First, why did you feel it necessary to, even if mildly, demean graduation ceremonies? Of course they are “fluff”! They are a celebration and recognition of a significant achievement, and a milestone in people’s lives. Don’t business people celebrate accomplishments?
    Second, everyone deserves to be able to attend her own graduation ceremony. On that score, no one is more deserving to attend graduation than another.
    Cheers! RH

    1. Fafaflunkie*

      Welcome to AaM! If you thought this post was beyond unreal, just keep clicking/tapping the “you may like” links to many hundreds of other bizarre posts Alison replies to. You may be spending several days here. Just do Alison a favour and turn off your ad blocker whilst doing so.

  391. Melody*

    Why didn’t the manager work the two hours him/herself? I manage two group homes for adults with developmental disabilities. We’re in a college town, and if one of my staff needed time off for her graduation ceremony, I would take the shift.

  392. Not So NewReader*

    Former Employee: If you happen to catch wind of this, would you (at some point) write in and let Alison know how you are doing? I think you have inspired a bunch of us today and we’d like you to know we are cheering for your success with your new degree and new job.

    OR if you are interested in a new position, I think a few people here might be interested in talking with you.

  393. Laura*

    The proper thing for this “manager” to do would have been to fill in for the employee personally. The manager should on the phones and do something useful for two hours to help out the best employee. It’s a good thing for customer support managers to actually deal directly with customers from time to time — it will make them more adept at handling escalated issues, give them more empathy for the issues their employees face, and give them insight into the quality of tools and resources available to those providing customer support. A few words explaining that one is the manager and filling in for a graduating employee, to ensure customers don’t have to wait, would gloss over any ineptness from someone who doesn’t do the job daily.

    When I read the initial post, I thought it was a joke and looked for its punchline. How disappointing that someone so lacking in creativity is in a management position.

  394. Ephemeral Grim*

    I’m sorry, but the only unprofessional behavior I see here is displayed by the manager, and not the employee. College graduation only happens once in your life. You gave someone time off for a concert, but told this person that she would have to “skip” her graduation ceremony? No. I think any normal human being working under this manager would have done the exact same thing.

  395. sarahJ*

    The OP was written after having a serious verbal hiding for losing a star employee. Now they are seeking affirmation of a terrible decision. In order to justify their actions they chose to adjust the narrative with half truths. It is clear by the words of the poster that the seniority comes from nepotism one must be friends with others outside of work. Clearly, being busy with night classes the employee couldn’t socialize away from the office.
    Personal prejudices kept the employee from rising through the ranks. “You will never amount to anything because of your past situation, therefore you are not worth promoting.” I’m sure the manager was verbally and psychologically abusive in order to justify overworking the employee. I’m sure the concert was covered by a mandatory shift by the employee.
    In short the manager is toxic and is probably terrified that they have just given away their golden egg.
    As a last resort they will call the employee and try to guilt her into going back to work.

  396. Olav*

    Just saw this story linked on Facebook, and guess it’s gone more or less viral by now.

    I kind of suspect that the manager asking this question isn’t the best schooled one out there. Possibly a former regular employee that have become a manager through being a good regular employee and raised to new position(s) as time have gone by? A case of an excellent worker that should have either been kept at a job where the person had the skills to succeed, or one that should have been granted further education to better master the role as a superior. The manager comes across to me as insecure and unsure, sticking to the rules and regulations to the letter to avoid making any mistakes, and making the exceptions for the cases the manager either is familiar with or due to social relations with the persons asking for them. My gut feeling is that the latter was the case for the person(s) with the concert tickets.

    Being a manager is of course about more than managing to stick to the set practices at all times. It’s about understanding people, ensuring that the good employees are treated well and the not so good ones are given the possibilities to improve – and from time to time helping those unsuited for a job finding something else to do that suits them better. At least in my view.

    Understanding when the need for exceptions are needed and why they are needed is what separates a manager from a robot. I hope the superiors of this manager sees this, and that the manager is given the opportunity to develop to become more than a robot. Some further knowledge and education is obviously needed here before this manager can become a good manager.

    If I had been in a position to employ people, this former employee described would have been high on my list of people I would have liked to employ. Someone really and truly fighting hard to overcome a more than challenging background, steadily trying to improve and always willing to go the extra mile is a person most working places would have bent over backwards to have as a core team member.

  397. Cheryl Greene*

    Dear Ex-manager,

    I’m hiring. Can you forward me this new-college-grad’s resume?

    Thanks in advance. She sounds exactly like the kind of person I would like on my team.

    Sincerely,
    Hope to be her New Boss

  398. Concerned employee*

    Being raised in foster homes sucks. I’ve been there. But bottom line, someone bought concert tickets, so you got them out early. Your best employee needed their college graduation off and you said no. If it were up to me, I’d let YOU go on the spot for being a dirtbag. You clearly play favorites, but she was your whipping girl.

  399. Troutwaxer*

    This just made the Huffington Post. Allison, you may need to purchase more bandwidth!

  400. Sarah*

    Uh she has paid (or will if she has loans) way more than her colleague paid for tickets.

    Also her colleagues not willing to switch with her say a bit more about the workplace culture (not that the manager didn’t say enough). I have colleagues I do not like but I would switch with them for something like this.

    1. Sarah*

      Also I should say that I started a job a month or so before graduation. We have days we absolutely must work and my grad fell on one. They went out of their way to make arrangements for me to have that day off, even turning down my offer to come in after the ceremony. That is how you retain workers and build loyalty.

  401. Patricia Smith*

    What is appalling to me is:
    1) manager could have volunteered to fill in for the two hours, or
    2) leave a message on the company’s answering machine that stated that they were celebrating with a coworker who was graduating from …… We will be in the office two hours later due to the fact are attending the graduation.
    Please leave a detailed message after the tone. We will return your call as soon as possible in the order the calls were received.
    BEEP…

  402. Sharon Finnegan Terleski*

    How interesting that the manager made an exception for a purchased event ticket, ostensibly because money had changed hands, but failed to recognize that college is far from free in this country. That former employee paid for her college education ~ or will, when the loans come due ~ and I’m sure she’ll be able to pay those loans far easier in a position more in tune with her education, dedication, and strength. (When does your job become available, Hon?)

  403. Russ S*

    A good manager would have taken the shift themselves and shown that managing is being able to do the managed worker job load while ALSO being able to keep all the other pieces moving in a pinch. This “manager” probably did not spend much time in the trenches and knows even less about decorum as a long-view effort of inclusive sacrifice FOR your team.

  404. AmyR*

    It is also important to understand the dis-service you do you your company when you use a soda-shop kind of seniority standard in which time served is automatically equated to someone’s value to the company. Every company needs people who do things but has to value people who do those things well. Your “best doers” are what makes your company run. Without them, you’re toast. So, you need to rank people by how WELL they do what they do and how loyal they have been (six years in on a lower-level job is excellent loyalty, BTW.) If you say someone was good but you disrespected them by ruthlessly applying the soda-shop seniority which assumes that all jobs are so worthless there is no quality aspect other than “time served” in a position. Her job meant something to the company, she’d done it for six years and just needed two hours off – she deserved that time and if after six years the company refused to grant her time off for her graduation, I don’t care if she’d been born on a silver platter or a dead leaf in an empty lot, she should have quit and I love the fact that she did. Booyah! Someone promote that woman for quitting that useless and unappreciative workplace.

  405. Tom*

    Ironic – bad managers attempt to find an excuse for his behaviour, which isn`t at all professional to begin with, encouraging exclusion of employees, having double standards and all – turns into an unwanted but very welcome praise for the ex-employee – who now finds that her standards, and her standing up for herself and for what she values, have resulted in several open job offers.

    Dear manager, i really hope YOU learn from this. Because, from where I sit (yes, granted, safely and anonymously behind a PC) it looks like this was your big ” Oops ” moment – and like the guys who turned down the Beatles, you`ll live to regret your very ” loose” management style. You lost, big time. I only hope that you ignore the insults, and learn something from your error.

    Good luck :)

  406. uh*

    I don’t think this was a fake post. I have worked for people like this. I agree it would be nice to hear from LW or the departing employee.

  407. Marvel*

    It’s kind of funny to me that so many people think this is fake, because literally the exact same thing happened to my partner. Hard life, put himself through college, but workplace refused to let him go to his graduation. Only difference is that he couldn’t afford to quit on the spot–he was stuck in that job for over a year afterward.

    Comments about how clearly no manager could think this way or be this willfully horrible… well, frankly, they read as a bit naive. There are a lot of unreasonable people in the world.

    1. mataliandymataliandy*

      Seriously! Apparently, there are a lot of very lucky people out there who’ve never had a really bad manager before. My husband’s employer recently lost a very senior person for refusing to let him take a vacation – for the 6th year in a row. Luckily, they had a vacation roll-over policy, so when the guy quit, he was owed 18 weeks back pay for the accrued vacation time. They have since changed the vacation roll-over policy, so it won’t cost as much to deny vacations moving forward. A real gem. This same charmer also almost fired a very pregnant woman for excusing herself to use the ladies’ room during a “meeting” whose sole purpose was to berate a particular employee for 2 continuous hours.

  408. Kenny HM*

    Bottom line: if someone is your best employee, treat them like your best employee.

    Capable managers recognise the importance of keeping good employees happy. Incompetent ones do not.

  409. Better Failling*

    OK, let’s recap some of the facts.
    It was about ‘scheduled overtime’, not regular working hours.
    The employee asked her colleagues to fill in for her, nobody volunteered, although things like this had happened before.
    The manager didn’t intervene, as she did on a different occasion, because no monetary costs were involved.
    To me this is yet another example of management done the textbook (read wrong) way.
    Sticking to rules for the sake of the rules and focusing ‘blindly’ on the monetary aspects of the business is what management students are being taught in too many schools nowadays and part of the explanation for the mess we are currently in.
    On the other hand the ‘manager’ didn’t manage anything about that team. Her actions resemble those of a janitor who checks a duty list – one that she learned by heard during college.

  410. Roberta*

    For two hours, this clueless manager could’ve covered her shift and had confetti and cake waiting on her when she came in.

    As a manager myself, I’ve learned that small things like this tend to motivate employees the most. This manager is completely oblivious to the human factor of leadership.

    This is my first time on this site, by the way. I really enjoyed it! Thank you!

  411. alt_lv*

    I would believe that she did take the only reasonable approach:
    * she did reach out to colleagues – and they did not help out (even though by far it seems that the employee had been helping out other. (Could imagine that the environment is not that great if you are labeled as over achiever and you ask for few hours off)
    * she have been the go-to person when ever she needs to cover for others
    * underestimating personal importance for employees will bring down their spirit and willingness to go on

    As for manager – i would like to believe that this was the most immediate emotional response – and there would have been an other – a different one. Perspective seems to be driven from his manager positions without putting himself in her shoes (underestimated emotional link to event – especially with the background, seems to be the biggest mistake employer did.
    It would be understandable reaction if the remaining employees are the ones stuck there for life – just do your 9-5 and don’t have the ambition to aspire for greater. If employees are measured by such sample data, there are two ways: employees quit or employees get defeated and just do the work they are paid for without putting the heart into it.

    We may not really judge as we don’t know enough about the environment, team dynamics and so on.

    I might not have quit eventually within similar set up – but that would be one of the points why i would loose the trust in leader, team and company itself.

    She seems to be driven to be able to find a place for herself where she is appreciated also in action not just words.

  412. Glen Terry*

    Perhaps not the same thing, but I have two things happen to me.

    First, I used to cover everyone shifts who needed it when I worked at a pizza place while in College. I got asked to see Bad Company and Damn Yankees in concert by a girl I would have killed someone to go out with. Nobody would cover my shift, I passed on the invite. After that, I refused to take anyone elses shifts.

    Within a week, I was called into management’s office, and asked why I refused to cover for anyone anymore. I am still waiting for the reply from them about how the hell it was their business to question me about not working anyone elses shifts….

    Second, working at a mall food court during Summer of HS. Was getting ready to go back to school, I gave them my two week notice.
    They took me off the schedule completely for those two weeks, and never even told me. I had to go in to work to discover that I was no longer on the schedule. I showed up for my regular shift. When asked why they did this, the best they came up with is “well, you were leaving anyhow….”

    I will never give two weeks notice again. Do they give you two weeks notice before they let you go? Hell, I left one job on the spot, and my boss told me I could back date the letter, so it looked better. I wrote the letter in front of him.

    If they want you, they will take you back. Any manager who tells you that it never happens lies. Do you think the boss’s kid needs to give two weeks notice? Think about it.

  413. LaVonda*

    It’s really funny to me that you think the young lady is the one who needs the lesson. You so eloquently listed all the things that were great about her and the struggles that she’s had. Can you not see how this graduation would mean everything to her? And based on what you said, she doesn’t even have anyone who would attend and cheer her on. What you should have done, was plan a congratulatory party for her. Not try to educate her on how to treat others and how to be professional, when clearly that’s the lesson you missed.

  414. Perry*

    wow. I’ve worked with some terrible managers in my time. Most of them were bad because (among other things) they were unable to assess the contributions of various employees (mostly undervaluing them, occasionally valuing their friends)
    This person has a pretty good sense of that this employee brings to the table and they *still* screw it up. That’s pretty bad.

  415. Corby*

    I’m just imagining the letter that this employee could have written to AAM if she had wanted some advice before quitting. The story from her point of view would have been fantastic. Then again, a lot of times I read letters like that and wonder “What was this manager thinking?”

    Well… in this case we know. And wow.

  416. Robert*

    What wasn’t professional was not seeing that your best employee was also working on something to better herself.

    It wasn’t like she was asking to come in late so she could go to a girls night out the night before. She was attending her own college graduation.

    The employee did the right thing and the author of this piece has no business in management.

    The “noone would switch with her” is a lazy and lame excuse for not doing your job.

  417. ARainey*

    I have long said that wrong people are getting into management roles. The issue is best described by Peter’s Principle. It has gotten so bad that some organizations are darn near intolerable.

    If you are a manager and you do not know the above concept already, then you should not be managing people. No, googling it and saying that is an easy concept does not qualify. If you are missing this concept, then you are missing many others. If you are a manager and you believe you are the strongest asset, then you should not be managing people. If you do not spend regular recurring time with your employees, then you should not be managing people. If you have never admitted you are wrong to your employees, then you should not be managing people. If you minimalize your employee’s work, then you should not be managing people. If you do not have full control of your ego, knowing when it is kicking in and how to curb it, then you should not be managing people. If you are not more critical of yourself than your employees, then you should not be managing people. If at some point you screwed someone over in order to get into the management position, then you should not be managing people. If you do not understand or disagree with any of these few basic examples, then you should not be managing people.

    Most importantly; you have to know that soldiers do not get themselves killed on the field of battle. Their leaders put them in a position to fail and to be killed. At the end of every day, upon reviewing failures, you must look at yourself first, following an honest assessment, then you can start to look at the employee make an evaluation.

  418. Yoann*

    The only unprofessionnal point in this anecdote is the way you treat your colleagues.
    She has made the right decision I guess.

  419. Tiao*

    ” ..but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved..”

    Now, this is a twisted point of view. People with concert tickets with more priority than studdents…

  420. Sarah*

    As a former manager I would have worked that shift for my employee. I also had a rule that people were not to buy plane tickets or concert tickets without first getting the time off approved. I would have not covered the concert shift but I covered for employees who couldn’t find daycare, one had to take his mom to chemo once per week, I covered that–things that truly matter

  421. Fabio Luelmo*

    I leave comments once in a blue moon, but for this I’ll make an exception. WTF.

    Not only does this manager not understand how petty they sound, they obviously have no concept of the pain and growth that come with a college education. Especially for a challenged background individual. Fail. How did someone with so little insight into what makes a good employee get a job as a manager? I could rant another ten thousand words but it seems all has been said already in previous comments.

    Kudos to the employee who quit. I would hire you on the spot if you told me this during an interview on why you left your last post. Hell, I’d probably make you a manager.

  422. Mark*

    I’ll stick my $0.02 in, since this is such a fantastic example of mis-management and misplaced blame.

    I’m fully behind the employee here. I hope she landed on her feet, but it sounds like she’s the model of self starter, and newly graduated to boot. May your new employers be grateful, and may all your ventures flourish

    Now for our letter writer. Oh my oh my. If you’re going to manage people, you have to understand them, and what will and won’t be important to them. Not just what the laws and rules say, but the actual persons desires and feelings. You also need to be prepared to make deals with

  423. JHS*

    Alison, I love your reply, absolutely spot on. As someone who once had a manager laugh in my face when I asked for a day off to go to my masters graduation, I can totally understand how the employee reacted. My current workplace is way more supportive. Not only have they worked around my schedule when I needed it (and I did the same for them when I was able), but when I asked for my doctoral graduation day off, the response was “Okay, just put the day in the diary”. And there were lots of congratulations.

    LW, this was a big deal for your employee. She had every right to want to attend, and if she is as valuable as you say, you could and should have bent the rules. I imagine the straw that broke the camel’s back for her was you allowing the person with concert tickets to leave early “because there was cost involved”. Not only had your employee put in the cost of tuition and her free time to do her degree, but the graduation itself would also have cost her money (for mine, I had to pay for the ceremony, for robes, for any professional pictures I wanted taken), and she only asked you for two hours off, which meant she was willing to give up any and all celebrations after it to come in to work. I can understand how devalued she must have felt. If she’d been my employee? I’d have told her to take the day, have some fun and come back with pictures. A degree is hard work even if you go the traditional route, like I did. Anyone who does it the way she did, going from homelessness to a job to earning her degree while working? That’s phenomenal. I don’t know if you can get her back working for you, but I think in future you need to learn to bend more with all your employees, not just the senior ones. Otherwise you’re going to keep losing good ones like this.

  424. Melissa P*

    First and foremost this young woman should have been congratulated for Her accomplishments and I highly doubt the manager did not know she was graduating.
    2nd she had a prior commitment and therefore was not available to work overtime, mandatory or not. People’s lives do not and should not revolve around a corporate business unless they are in a managerial position, being a Go-to person does not qualify as a managerial position.
    3rd Simply because she did not “purchase monetary tickets to this event, which would have excluded her immediately, this person put in her time and energy and paid in advance for her education, which should be an immediate and legitimate reason to not work for the whole day!
    4th she offered a compromise which was rudely ignored by her management team, which showed that the manager negated her success and her strength to accomplish an incredible task that she did on her own, without the help of others
    5th if the compromise was accepted, that manager should have hauled ass to the nearest party store and gave that employee one hell of a party for not only her accomplishments but that she was still willing to be a team player and help those around her… Especially on a special day like graduation.
    6th the company should be so lucky to have such a dedicated employee that would have stayed and provided them with incredible input and knowledge to give them new ideas and become an example that if you work hard, your company will recognize you for all your hard work and dedication.
    This girl, did the right thing. Now she has a college education and another corporation is going to be lucky to have her.
    You want her back? A large party, a very large bonus and a raise is in order!

  425. Frank*

    His first red flag should have been finding no one wanted to come in early to cover the shift. Most reputable places have at least one person that will take the extra time. My guess is there are far more people that don’t really like to work there, but have to. Also, customer service jobs are generally entry-level, so what did this young lady really have to lose?
    She no doubt felt taken for granted (rightfully so) and thought she was just totally done with this place.

  426. botc76*

    I’m always surprised by how bad a lot of bosses are at dealing with their staff.
    They don’t take the simplest lessons to heart-

  427. bblackmoor*

    I hope that this manager has the good conscience to give this employee a glowing recommendation when her future employer calls for a reference. And I wish her luck in her future endeavors. She has apparently learned how to have a good work ethic while also learning how not to be walked on.

  428. Barton Fink*

    In similar cases, as a manager, I have covered my subordinate’s shift. That’s the difference between being a leader and being a manager. It goes a long way in the eyes of your subordinates. This particular manager seem oblivious to basic workplace human relations skills and will likely never have the trust or respect of their subordinates if those skills are not learned.

    1. JHS*

      Your subordinates are lucky to have you as a manager! That’s an awesome thing to do for them.

  429. Mike Bee*

    What a shame. This manager knew her background and let another employee go for a concert. If the manager was any good, he/she would have given the employee time off and attended the graduation ceremony to show support for the employee without a family.

  430. Think smarter not harder*

    Dear Manager,

    Good employees are hard to find. This is disappointing as I am sure she thought there would be support in her life to move forward and become a better person just like most family’s do. I am not sure you are aware but graduation ceremonies are not free. There are fees such as the cap and gown that she, more than likely paid for. Also, I would assume she knew her graduation date months in advance and shared this with you. If not, you should have known as this is an achievement for your employee.

    Overall, it seems you have failed your employee the time, understanding, and respect she well deserved being your best employee. In the future, seniority means nothing if you have others that are not meeting the same expectations as your BEST employee.

    Good luck.

  431. Meg*

    I’m so glad the graduate was brave enough to quit that job and make sure she could go to her graduation. I’ve had some terrible managers and supervisors (including the asst vp at a fancy college who had me do research for her doctoral dissertation and rope her cover sheet when I was her dept’s executive assistant) but I’ve never run into someone who actually sounds inhumane. The manager in this question is horrible and if this graduate worked for me, I would have stepped in to cover those two hours myself, if I couldnt give her the whole day off. Life isn’t always about you–that manager needs to learn that.

  432. Xanthippe Lannister Voorhees*

    I’m sure someone has mentioned this but with so many comments: There usually IS a cost involved in attending a graduation ceremony! If I had opted to attend mine last month, I would have had to purchase the regalia I needed to walk in the ceremony. They can nickle and dime you for other stuff as well, although it seems like the employee fortunately would not have to pay travel expenses… but she may have had friends/family (biological or potentially former foster family) who DID pay travel to come celebrate with her.

    I worked a really crappy job with really crappy management that would rather you show up and handle food while vomiting than use time off and even they treated graduations as sacrosanct.

  433. Damon*

    I have noticed over the past 35 years of working that for the most part no one know how to manage people. The only way to move up in any kind of business is to become a manager, unfortunately no one is trained to manage other people. Instead they are expected to do it by the seat of their pants. From this we see lots of micromanagement, favoritism, and things like this letter. In this case the employee made the right choice because now that she has her degree it is time to move on from answering the phone for a living.

  434. Craig*

    Just jumping on the bandwagon of support here. As a manager, my job is to manage situations like this. If this manager is in a situation where she can’t let her “best employee” attend a one-off event she’s already put herself behind the eight ball. Now not only was the shift not covered, years of experience have walked out of the door for no good reason. It sounds to me like there are serious workplace culture problems if someone cannot see how awful a management decision this was.

  435. Teukka*

    What I would do?
    I would have the crew attend the graduation ceremony (if the graduate agrees ofc), and put sign on door saying “Attending employees graduation. Back in 3 hrs.”
    Then again, I’m not a manager.
    But I do believe in the saying that a happy employee is a productive employee, and since roll-outs are stressful experiences, if an opportunity to give the crew a breather with something totally unrelated presents itself, take it.

    1. Laura*

      You are assuming the coworkers would enjoy it. :) I was in a small department when one coworkers’ closest living relative died. We are accountants, and January is a busy time. Coworker scheduled the funeral for a Saturday so she would miss overtime but not an actual workday. Boss paid us for the time we were at the funeral in the middle of the day. One coworker refused because “She should have postponed the funeral two months if she wanted us to attend”

  436. Ben*

    Hold on…she’s by far your best employee, but after six years has the lowest seniority?

    Sounds like you were exploiting her, and she’s better off having left. Good luck to her, I doubt she’ll have too much difficulty finding a much better role.

  437. Christine D.*

    When I was in high school I worked in a hospital kitchen part time. Work hours were from 6:30 am to 8:30 pm. We had a “you have to find people to cover your shift” boss too. Employees were 1/2 high school and college kids working part time, and the other half grown men and women just working hard full time to put food on the table.
    Two Christmases in a row our manager would put all the full-time people on the schedule Christmas morning for the 6:30-3:00 pm (because Christmas fell on a weekday and those were the full-timers days of work usually). My mom demanded that I choose a woman with young kids and offer to take her shift both years. I balked, but she said “This means so much more to them. You’ll understand one day when you have kids. This is non-negotiable. Call them right now”. I balked and was ticked the first year, until the woman I called literally burst into tears when I offered to take her shift.
    Most of the other high school kids and I were friends and I called them and asked them to do the same. In the end, every adult with kids got to stay home Christmas morning those two years. THAT’S how you do a work clique right.

    Now that I have young kids of my own I understand. My mom is a very smart woman.

    1. The Strand*

      Aww! Tres heartwarming! The only good thing about this letter situation here, is that we hear about employees and managers who do it right (offering to take Christmas shifts, throwing a party for graduating employee, attending the family-less employee’s graduation/concert/performance, etc).

    2. Jenna*

      Your mom is excellent!
      And so are you for calling all your high school friends and asking them to do the same thing.

  438. David Hinton*

    A good manager would have helped find a way to meet her request. Graduation! Really! A once in a lifetime event! I’m impressed that she only asked for Two hours! I’ve managed an office for a good part of my working career; if the boss can’t sit in for you for two hours then maybe the boss shouldn’t be the boss! It also seems to me you have some employee issues as well if no one would offer to help her within your staff! It was 2 hours!! I would have done the same thing! Focus on what’s important and never forget “we work to live not live to work”.

  439. YouGoGirl*

    This is the saddest part: “She asked her coworkers, but no one was willing to come in on their day off. After she asked around, some people who were not scheduled for the overtime did switch shifts with other people (but not her) and volunteered to take on overtime from others who were scheduled, but these people are friends outside of work.” So it wasn’t just her manager who was treating her disdainfully, it was her co-workers, too. What a slap in her face: She asks, they say no, someone else asks, they say yes. What an unpleasant lot of people. She’s better off elsewhere and she sounds like a winner so I’m sure she’ll have no problem getting a new, better job.

  440. Jake*

    I’m not sure if this would happen anywhere else, but this level of incompetence from a manager with ‘required’ coverage could have only come from a call center environment. One of the worst things working at that environment was that to give employees time off, it would be like drawing straws. Due to the high turnover rate in these environments, 6 years is a long time for a non – managerial position. The manager should have initiated the asking around for asking for shift coverage and when no one else wanted to do so, should have filled in the 2 hours by themselves. They might not have the training, but I’ve seen managers do amazing things when having to cover a shift for someone.

  441. The Black Dog*

    I am just floored by the tone-deafness of the OP and loving Alison’s response here. I feel like the employee just walked away from a rather nasty work environment, considering she often covered shifts but no one was willing to cover one for her. Add on that OP let someone else have time off because they had concert tickets and the employee had every reason to say “see ya!”

    I wonder how well all of her extra unpaid overtime is documented. The company could be in heaps of trouble over that one.

    1. TootsNYC*

      I didn’t think there was any indication her overtime was unpaid. Just that she took it on to benefit her coworkers, and to help her manager out. You know, to contribute to a collegial atmosphere at the office.

      And maybe to make extra money.

  442. John*

    This post is on Gawker, and Fark now, so I would expect that the comments and fake post claims are going to continue, at least for awhile. These people are lucky they never had to deal with managers like this, but hopefully one day, if they do, they will finally get it.

    I had a manager that went to an employees’ mother’s funeral to make sure that the employee knew the bereavement policy and to ensure they would be back the next day…

  444. Rose*

    Wow….. there was a cost involved in concert tickets, but not graduating???? You can sell concert tickets but you only graduate once. I guarantee she spent more money on her education than those people spent on concert tickets. I had a boss like that once. I put 6 years of hard work to become their senior technician, and I wasn’t allowed to go 2 hours early from work for an important event.

  445. Becky*

    Alison,

    I’m sure this employee wants to remain anonymous, but so many of us want to help her. Is there any way that you could set up a pass-through fund for her benefit? As somoene who has had the bad boss who is completely uncaring, my heart goes out to her, and I want to help get her through the difficult time.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      I only have contact info for the letter-writer — the manager. If the OP wants to connect me with the employee, I’d be glad to reach out to her about that.

      1. Fafaflunkie*

        Considering the gall of OP’s letter, would you think for a picosecond this boss will give you any contact info for the employee (s)he threw under the bus, after all the responses to his/her asinine question to you? Seeing as how viral this post has become, I would say whole-heartedly “nyet.”

  446. Jason Motley*

    Personally I would handled this a bit differently. I dont think I could have quit on the spot, but after being told I could not attend my graduation I would have gone away and come into work after. Best employee is not going to be fired for that. I also would have been searching for a new job ASAP.

    1. Bunnyrut*

      I don’t condone quitting like that, but in this case I think it was the only way the boss would see what the issue was. Unfortunately, the boss thinks so highly of themselves and the company that they didn’t. That is not someone I would want to work for.

  447. Thomas Pierski*

    I’m actually siding with the employee on this one. I would have done the exact same thing. I know that the two hours needed to be covered by someone. The employee even tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to switch hours with other colleagues. In this case, I feel that the manager should have stepped up to the plate and covered those two hours. Attending a graduation ceremony is FAR more important than any job. Education and successful completion of earning one needs to have a high level of importance placed upon it. I would think that a manager would be proud of any employee earning a degree and would do anything possible to be supportive of it. She’s better off not working for a company where there is a lack of support from co-workers and management. This manager deserves to have lost her best employee. I wish the employee the very best and I know she’ll find a fit somewhere else and will be successful.

  448. l johnson*

    so the manager couldn’t cover her shift for 2 hours?? Kudos to the employee(ex). I would have given her the hold day off. Chances are the manager felt threatened (maybe she had eared a degree they didn’t have). i wish she would come and work for me.

  449. John Harriman*

    At my current employer the mobility side of AT&T the employee would have zero luck at getting off to attend graduation. Your work ethic matters not at all. Your exceptional year end rating matters not at all. Only seniority matters. Who has been there the longest sets all the rules and tone for the job. I swear this worker and boss must be at that company.

  450. M Kavanagh*

    Wow.
    Bringing in a list of all of the times she worked for other people was incredibly professional. She spelled out why she was leaving very clearly, and the blame falls squarely on the manager’s shoulders.
    That young woman has a very promising career path ahead of her while the manager seemingly does not.
    The employee is driven, works harder than anyone else in the joint, managed to complete a degree AND took on extra work at her job whether or not she was part of everyone’s social circle. Obviously, she took her job and further education seriously.
    It’s very lucky that the manager missed out on such a wonderful employee, because it didn’t sound like she had any future there. Now she can get on with her REAL career.

  451. WhichSister*

    I see a lot of debate on whether or not this letter is true. The length of time the employee was employed, the seniority issue. IF this situation as laid out in the letter is true or not, I think we can agree that the crux of it – the taking for granted of good employees is an all too common situation.

    I remember when I was a senior in high school – I asked for Prom weekend off at my job. I worked at a grocery store and was their top cashier. I was never late, worked over without complaint, worked crazy shifts. I had the best numbers and my till was never off. I never asked for weekends off. I had even peaked on pay and was getting the highest hourly rate possible. Unfortunately the guy I was seeing lived in a different town and I needed the weekend as I would be traveling. I was scheduled in the morning of prom day. I went to the manager who scheduled and was told “too bad so sad”. The joke was on him as he didn’t know (as I hadn’t made it public) that I was seeing the son of the owner of the company. I did not pull that card (nor did I want to) I firmly believed that I should get the weekend off solely based on my value and contribution as an employee but before I could stop him my boyfriend did.

    More recently, at my previous employer I was written up for being 5 minutes late to work two days after returning from my father’s funeral. I thought I had a grief bug (later found out my niece had given us all a stomach virus) woke up throwing up and laying in the fetal position on the floor in my room half dressed and crying. Still managed to get out of house close to on time and was on target to be at work on time when I got stuck behind some rocket scientist driving a fork lift down the 2 lane highway with a dog laying across the fuel cell and a friend hanging off the side.

    I was still only 5 minutes late and got written up. I was salary, never took a lunch, stayed late, came in on weekends, was told I was “expected to be flexible” but obviously that didn’t go both ways.

    As long as we treat employees like expendable resources not the valuable contributors they are we will continue to lose them.

    1. Kevin H*

      And we wonder why unions emerged! Sadly many managers strongly believe that they have the perfect right to abuse their direct reports. Some are horrible. I’ve had managers who were gems. Frankly when you know that people on your team are experiencing a really tough time it can build group cohesion. Many ask themselves, “what if that were me?”. But then when managers are arbitrary and capricious and appear to be less than fair it can be so troublesome. Such things destroy morale and create unrecognized issues for managers. Sadly most managers manager, very few lead.

  452. Kevin H*

    Sadly many of us have seen these types of situations. Personally I’ve seen wonderful managers. I’ve experienced mediocre managers in my storied career and I’ve had the experience with horrible managers. The latter sadly is the majority. Bad managers are promoted because their own work might be good, because they’re great at becoming part of a clique, because they’re fantastic at politics, however, these people are generally not great leaders. I saw people with reviews that were average with language that said the individual did an outstanding job and was a integral part of the team. I’ve seen this as well. The reasons can be myriad. Perhaps the manager is using a sandwiching technique (bad, good, bad) to deliver bad news. But in some cases managers simply don’t want to award more than the standard raise. And then there’s the perpetual whine, “but YOU’LL LEAAAAVVVEEEE me”. That “leave me” whine is so common and people don’t recognize it. You’re partly evaluated on how long you might stay in a position. Let’s face facts. Managers don’t want to interview and find new people. In fact a “so-so” performer that they can “work with” may be just what they need. So much of work is a replay of high school or college. Its the classic fraternity / sorority / letterperson mentality. Sure managers want great performers but they want an easy way to manage. Easy means “known”. “Known” means using recommendations made by insiders. It doesn’t matter whether the manager is Caucasian, African-American, female, male, Asian – the manager may well hire based on what’s easiest for them unless the company requires a vigorous search.

  453. Tom*

    I am a consultant and my two managers called me on the carpet to say there was a problem with a class I taught. They couldn’t tell me what happened, but after a long discussion they were able to say when it happend. I reminded them that I was out of state, burying my mother on that day, but that didn’t matter to them. I resigned a month later at the end of a project milestone. On my last day, their manager said I could never work for that healthcare organization again.
    I have had 150 projects at 50 clients. This is the only one I “fired”.

    1. Kevin H*

      Thank goodness for Glassdoor.com. Now former employees have a reasoned way to take on bullies like that.

      1. Tim*

        Although the consultancy I used to work for sued and removed bad reviews from a graduate site called something like ‘TheVault’? Got the ones they didn’t like removed. Did same with The Register.

        So please don’t expect sites like Glassdoor to be the total truth…with some companies anyway.

  454. Brigette*

    I am still trying to see how the value of a concert ticket outweighs the cost of college tuition and a graduation cap and gown. This manager is so grossly in the wrong on many different levels. I applaud the employee and wish her abundant success.

  455. Francis McGovern*

    As I was reading this I couldn’t help but surmise/discern that this might not have been written by the manager at all but it was written by the person who quit. Maybe her attempt to relay the story from what she believes should have been the Managers Perspective or lack of, so that she might take your answer and pass it along to “HELP HIM” see the error of his ways… But that’s just me!!! Reminds me of my mom (of 9 kids) favorite advice. “There are three sides to the truth: your side, their side and God’s truth!!! cause HE seen everything!”
    However, if the manager really did write this…Shame on them!!! I loved and totally agree with your answer.
    When dealing with ” employee turnovers” the biggest cause has to do with the individuals dissatisfaction/disappointment; not with the job itself but with the Job’s Managerial Staff and their lack People Skills/Vision… “I’m just sayin” ~

    1. Anon Moose*

      The employee could just as easily have written in to this site themselves from their perspective and the advice would essentially have been the same. And the site is already anonymous. So there’s really nearly no advantage to doing it in the convoluted way you suggest. The main difference, actually, is that we wouldn’t have to be nice to the OP manager in the comment section if they were not the OP.

  456. Jsdawn*

    I can not believe this manager had the nerve to put this employee on blast for not giving a two week notice. After working hard for years and spending thousands of dollars on a degree I would never miss my graduation. This manager is clearly in the wrong but than to put her down for not givibg notice is just absured. My last job I gave a 3 week notice because I was having a baby and would not be returning. And since I was the only one in the entire building who knew how to do my job I wanted to make sure not to screw them over. Well a week of training someone else they just let me go. Wouldn’t even let me finish my notice. So I learned a lesson and will not give a notice again. Also called HR and they were not happy with my manager and paid me my time anyways. Alot of managers are just out for themselves.

    1. animaniactoo*

      Most employers will not do this to you, and you shouldn’t penalize another employer for what one did to you. Unless you have good indication that this is going to happen again at another company (you’ve seen them do it to others, etc.), you should give that employer the respect of giving notice and believe that they will honor it.

      1. Tim*

        Sadly I’ve had this – I’d loved to have the LUXURY of just going, and found that companies make you ‘redundant’ then want you to stay late your last day! Talk about taking the piss…

        I’d just go now, or say I’m not coming in. Far too honest about notice, it seems the employer just abuses your notice period, working you harder or getting you to train the next person. Screw that.

  457. Cameron Tuehy*

    “Even though she doesn’t work here any longer, I want to reach out and tell her that quitting without notice because she didn’t get her way isn’t exactly professional.” She was as professional to you as you deserved. She more than earned what she asked for, you pretty much symbolically showed how little it meant to you, and she did what a lot of other people would have done.

    What you are you complaining about here?

  458. Leslie*

    Rules an always be bent on special circumstances. A graduation is special. More special than concert tickets as it requires not just money but years of hard work to get it. As a manager I would have been more than willing adjust the schedules for her. Or as it was pointed out she was the manager’s go to person so why not cover 2 hours of her work for her. It would have been a nice thing to do for all her hard work

  459. SylviaA.*

    What also bothers me is that she was his ‘go-to person’ for weekend/holiday shifts. Um.. and you can’t spare her 2 hours of her work hours? It’s not like there was no one to cover. If anything, the whole office should have attended her graduation or throw her a small party!! Kudos for her for standing up for herself. And she will now be able to use that degree that she worked hard for and get a better job where she is appreciated and not taken advantage of!

  460. Tyler Loga*

    Concert Tickets = cost
    College Degree = no cost?
    Come on…

    Either the manager didn’t graduate or didn’t pay for it. Beyond the money involved the time commitment involved outweighs the cost of any concert ticket.

  461. EssWs*

    Man, that poor woman. Not only did her manager fail her, but her teammates did as well. I would have covered that shift for her in a heartbeat. Oh well, I’m guessing she’s onto much bigger and better things now.

  462. James H.*

    “(Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.)”

    College costs money. Quite a lot of it. Not to mention cost of books, and time to do the course work. And in many cases, there is a graduation fee involved.

    How would graduating college not be a special circumstance?

  463. NCKat*

    Wow, Allison – I have seen the link to this letter three times on Facebook today. I wonder if this will be your most-widely reposted/retweeted post yet.

  464. smaffie*

    First off, you had an employee who has been with you for six years yet supposedly has the lowest of seniority that tells me right off that you probably don’t have a lot of turn over in your business and that is good. However, this person has been working for you for six years and had never missed a day and is your go to person. To be honest, it sounds as if you have taken advantage of her all this time. Then you mentioned you had once changed someone’s schedule because of the cost involved with concert tickets. Well ma’am, I think you best employee’s education cost more than those concert tickets. It would be best if you took a step back and looked at the big picture of things here. People do not leave jobs, they leave management.

  465. Sandi*

    The manager is in the wrong here. Graduations are special. This girl worked hard to get herself there. You say she was your go-to person for nights and weekends. What you are saying is you have taken advantage of her all along, knowing she will bend to whatever requests you make of her with no complaint. Maybe if you had taken better care of your “best employee” then she would still be there. And also shame on the other employees for not understanding how important this moment was for her and not be willing to step in and help her out. It isn’t like she wanted off to do something frivolous like, oh, go to a concert. This isn’t entitlement, or someone with no role models in her life to help her understand professional employment. This is a person realizing that no matter how much she bent over to be a beneficial part of this office, no one was going to be willing to work with her when it counted.

  466. Anthony*

    **I’m a bit upset because she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.**

    Honestly, I’m stunned at this manager’s tone-deafness. If she was the best, he’d have found a way to make sure she didn’t miss a ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME event. There aren’t other college graduations of her own she can attend. This is it. Reading between the lines, one of the reasons he considered herself the “best” was because she was so reliable and would basically work whenever she was asked. And he couldn’t make an exception?

    The lesson here is that our employees are PEOPLE, not assets, and if they’re not being treated like people first, then their manager has, like this one, failed them.

  467. WhichSister*

    The I guess the punchline is that not only did the manager have to cover those two hours, she was also left covering the rest of that shift, and all the other shifts the employee was scheduled for. That sounds like a lot more work to me. Plus one of those people who couldn’t help the employee out in the first place ended up working it anyway. Karma.

    1. XOXO*

      LOL I’m surprised this wasn’t pointed out before (or I missed it because whoa too many comments! lol)

  468. Stephanie*

    I’d like to point out that the manager gave the person the concert tickets off because there was “cost involved” but I hope they know that you do have to pay for your college graduation. You pay separately for your gown. If she was such a great employee, then the manager should have helped her. Also, there was “cost involved” as well.

  469. Scott*

    Until I got a job with a small privately owned company (about 150 employees) my experience with and as a manager had zero leeway. Management was there to enforce policy and police employees. There was not team building or personal development unless is was a project handed down from on high. Non-work things? Not the companies problem. The company was more than happy to tell you how many people would love to work for them. As a manager I was given important tasks like figuring the average log-out time to use the restroom and then talk to the people who were regularly over this average even though the offender was a 65 year old woman who was just gotten back to work after surviving cancer. I worked for three Fortune 500 companies in about the same capacity and the attitude was the same at each.

    1. Observer*

      So what? In this case, the manager did have the ability to intervene, as proven by the fact that she did so for the concert goer. And she most definitely did have the ability to either NOT allow the others to swap time, or insist that someone swap time with the staff person.

    2. Victoria A. Brown*

      That’s not management, that’s babysitting and it’s a shame that companies don’t invest the resources to train their managers how to be leaders and critical thinkers.

  470. Nina*

    I had a job where I was the go to person. Worked OT, holidays, traveled. No complaints – didn’t fight for my raises like I should have but I got them and increased responsibility and titles. Then they promoted a total loser above me. When I started my boss would say “I just don’t know what X does except kiss the President’s ass.” And then they fired the president and he went to kissing his. So I gave my notice. And they begged me to stay WITH HIM IN THE ROOM. I said no, because he is sitting here. They offered me raises, just take some time off – a paid sabbatical, use our private jet and go wherever you want, everything and IT WAS ALL TOO LATE. I was done. And 2 months after I left -they fired him, because they realized I was NOT the problem, he was. But too late. I didn’t go back and my life now has only improved.

    This person sounds amazing! (the worker not the manager). Wish I knew her and had my own company to offer her a job.

  471. Kevin Farrell*

    I’ve been a HR professional for almost 20 years and I’d be recommending the line managers’ line manager to issue a first written warning to the manager for such poor judgement that has had such a negative impact on the individual and the organisation. This manager should have sought advice before making the decision, not after, and the warning is needed to emphasise that.

  472. J.D.*

    What is deeply troubling and concerning is the notion or idea that a event of a primarily entertainment nature is equal or equates to that of an academic event. In what world, even if we assume cost, does a hundred dollars equate to the thousands this woman put into her education (if we calculate time invested)? What is troubling is that you both applaud her efforts and demean them; you say she is a hard worker, works on weekends and goes above and beyond, but you also demean her work ethic and her willingness to benefit the company but you show that her efforts result in no tangible rewards. Sadly, I’ll hazard, you are not an, even, decent manager. While the writer talks about nuance and using deft decision making to decide on, a case-by-case basis, when and how to handle situation like this (the whole bamboo analogy comes to mind), it is important to note one thing missing: empathy. Empathy is a trait and characteristic all employers need and must have. It doesn’t mean just understanding or feeling for an employee, subordinate or coworker, it means actually putting yourself in their shoes and making a good faith effort to actually engage with them. Your whole method was wrong, you approached this from the angle of how will affect the company and the bottom line. All the while forgetting that beyond the process or product, people are the most invaluable asset a company has. You can make a superior product, even have a streamlined and efficient process, you cannot replace someone who is dedicated and would sacrifice for the company. You can’t replace drive, determination and a fortitude as easily as you might think. And this person who quit did so because what you said and did were out of concert, on one hand you said you wanted to be fair and accommodate her, on the other hand you slammed the door in her face (you equated a concert with a graduation). In the end, you really need to take personal stock. You need to assess how best you can fix your managerial shortcomings. You need to elicit your subordinates and higher ups in this endeavor, if at all possible. If you can’t engage at all on a personal level or a professional level, see where you went wrong here, it is best if you find another position elsewhere or get shifted to another part of the company (if its large), or hire an individual who can best consult with you on issues like this.

  473. Myri*

    He liked her because he used and abused her. “My go-to person for weekends and holidays.” That says it all right there. Probably did that because of his note of her having no family. No family = not needing holidays off. What a horrible boss. I’ve had some bad ones but nothing like this self-centered so-and-so. I wish this woman luck and a much better boss in the future.

  474. Gurukarm*

    I haven’t read all 1400+ comments (!) so someone may have touched on this. But the OP mentioned several times that the young woman had been his “best employee” and had worked there six years. But she *still was considered least senior*?!?! in terms of perks and privileges? I hope this courageous young worms finds another position immediately where such value and loyalty is actually given its just due….

  475. JeffK*

    “I’m a bit upset because she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.”

    Maybe you should have accommodated her reasonable request instead of being inflexibly married to the rules? If I were your manager, you’d be on the carpet explaining why you took action that cost the company an excellent employee.

  476. Middle Name Jane*

    Shame on this manager and kudos to the employee who quit. Graduations are a big deal to those earning the degree, whether it’s high school or graduate school. And I would think this would be especially important to her considering her background and the fact that she put herself through school by going part-time at night. It takes real discipline to do that on top of holding down a job.

  477. SheLooksFamiliar*

    I skimmed all the messages but haven’t seen anything from the OP. Did s/he respond? To be fair, I would understand if this person was in hiding right now, but would give props if s/he posted that readers’ feedback was painful but eye-opening.

    1. Lauren*

      I’ve been following it from the beginning. The OP (manager) has not replied. We don’t know if the ex-employee knows about the letter or the rapidly increasing references to it online.

  478. Jey*

    Are you kidding me? “Professional” or not “professional” I am behind that ex-employee’s decision 100%! It was also NOT professional of you to be flexible with one employee but not the other. A stupid concert over a college graduation? You have GOT to be kidding me. I’d be ashamed of myself if I were you and somehow try to apologize for that employee you lost. And from then on either stick with my policies 100% or learn how to be more flexible with your employees in general so that you don’t have to lose a good one in the future again due to unfair treatment.

  479. Lauren*

    The OP manager) has not replied. We don’t know if the ex-employee has seen or heard about the letter or the rapidly increasing references and link to it.

  480. MARod*

    Kudos to the employee on her special day. As for the lack of empathy, support, and understanding from her manager, that’s the norm, as I’ve experienced myself. My manager and meta-manager turned their backs on me after I was diagnosed with cancer.

  482. Wesley Long*

    Yes, please reach out to her. Give her your speech, and then give her my contact information. I’ll hire her this afternoon. I’m looking for an additional support tech right now, anyway.

    If she decides to pursue her masters, *I’ll* cover her shift while she goes to that graduation ceremony.

  483. Evil Greebo*

    What an absolutely horrendous manager! Kudos to the employee for walking out on the spot and congratulations on the fantastic achievement of getting your degree in the face of the adversities you’ve clearly faced.

    To the manager – your policy of “shaft the least senior person” is horrible. Your team should be a team, and seniority is hardly a measure of quality, as you yourself pointed out – since you described the person in the most junior position as the best employee you had. You really should re-consider this awful business practice of putting seniority above all else.

  484. XOXO*

    A few thoughts –

    Initially I read this letter and it felt fake to me, I guess because of all the detail, including pointing out the glaring BS done by OP in the concert ticket situation. However, I know we are supposed to assume all the letter writers are real because we don’t want to discourage people from contributing to the site.

    So – assuming this is real – WHAT THE WHAT???

    There’s nothing in this thread that I want to say that hasn’t already been said:
    Apologize.
    Offer her her job back.
    Apologize. And figure out how to be a better manager because you’re a really crappy one.
    Why didn’t you manage coverage? That’s your job. Why didn’t you cover yourself?
    She should have been given the entire day off, if she wanted it, without being made to feel guilty. And a cake should have been waiting for her!
    College and graduation are considerably more expensive than a damn concert.
    GIVE THIS EMPLOYEE A GLOWING RECOMMENDATION should she need you as a reference.
    Acknowledge how horribly you treated her and vow to learn from this and do better.

    I REALLY HOPE IF THIS IS REAL that the employee in question here has somehow seen this letter and knows WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR HER. I hope she finds a kick ass job with her degree and works with a team who supports and appreciates her and a GOOD manager.

  485. KK*

    So glad your response to the letter was, “Don’t do that.” This disgrace of a manager doesn’t deserve being listened to unless it’s for an apology. And the bit about harming her career? Please. Someone spends the personal resources to improve their situation, you encourage them, you support them, you celebrate with them.

  486. Spott*

    Graduations cost a significant amount of money. More, in fact than concert tickets in many instances.
    A concert is not a significant life event. Graduation from college is, in fact, a significant life event.
    Your argument is invalidated by your own past actions. If I was your supervisor, I would seriously consider offering your ex-employee your job. You need to take immediate and significant steps to correct this situation, as you have opened up the company to negative press and possible liability.
    You also need to learn from this, fast, because this is exactly the kind of morale killer that can ruin a business.

  487. Laura*

    If you don’t treat your employees well, they will leave. Plain and simple. Sorry this manager had to learn the hard way.

  488. Ruth Davidson*

    Why does this manager think there is no cost involved in a graduation? We have to pay for our tickets and pay for all the robes and caps and tassels and stuff. There’s hella money involved yo.

  489. Gaia*

    I want to know if this man has any idea what the cost of a degree – and therefore a graduation ceremony – is. You can bet (his) life it is MUCH more than a concert ticket. It truly is astounding how narcissistic this man is. This was clearly written to assure himself through the response that he is, in fact, a caring and professional man. Bravo for her and for the reply he received. Maybe one day he won’t just write this off and he’ll actually attempt to be a human being.

  490. Austin*

    I would love to find out that the OP suddenly found some self awareness and apologized to their worker.

    I was blown away that the end question of this piece was ‘how do I condescend and lecture the employee I treated like garbage?’ instead of ‘How do I fix this/get my employee back?’

  491. BTW*

    I was actually shocked that the ending of this letter turned out the way it did. I would also like to point out that how she grew up should have had no bearing on the way she reacted. It’s these exact misconceptions that hold people back. I say kudos to her for quitting. You don’t treat your best employees like that and this was a huge accomplishment for her. Basically all the OP did was show a lack of caring, compassion and empathy. As they often say, “people don’t quit jobs, they quit managers.” And it’s 100% true in this case.

  492. XOXO*

    Okay – I noticed a lot of people saying employee was least senior because she was part-time. The letter indicated she was going to school part-time in the evenings, but working on OT shift on a day the business was normally closed (probably a sat/sun, which is why it interfered with her graduation) which to mean sounds like she was a full time employee. She may be least senior by rank, not years employed there.

  493. P Gleeson*

    Concert tickets are excusable because money was involved. Her education was free?

  494. Andrea S.*

    I agree that the fault is with the manager for not being flexible enough. Yes, graduation to some extent is “just fluff”. But many people work hard for many years to get to the point where they can graduate. Even when they don’t have the challenging background and obstacles this worker has needed to overcome, the graduation ceremony can mean a great deal to many students. Sometime there may be family and friends from out of town who may have already bought non-refundable plane tickets (if you really must insist on cost being involved as the only justifiable excuse for flexibility). And also, graduation may be the last chance the student has to say good bye to classmates and teachers.

    I hope the manager apologizes to her and offers to rehire her — at a higher salary than before.

  495. ScouterSunshine*

    What a fool this manager is! Staff like that are worth their weight in gold. Pity for the organization that this manager remembered just how much this employee did AFTER she walked out the door…I hope that she has found work elsewhere with a company that will value her!

    I remember when I worked at a department store as a cash supervisor…a number of my staff were students, and the consistent message that they got from me was “school is important”. I will never forget a conversation that I had with one of my longest-serving staff, who was a student at Fanshawe. He had already blocked himself a few evenings a week in order to accommodate schoolwork, but his program that semester was extremely intensive, and he needed to block off one more evening a week. He came to me, and apologised for even asking the question. I just looked at him, and answered his question with a question: “Hank, what am I going to say?”…his reply: “Yeah, I know…school is important!” Of course, I granted him that extra evening off. Another staff member, who had recently been hired, was standing next to us at the time…her jaw dropped…she said that she had never had a boss say something like that…her experience had always been “You have schoolwork? Too bad, you’re working”. Hank is now a professor at that same college :) Do I regret working around his, and other students’ schedules through the years? Hell, no! They all did well in school, and I am proud of “my kids” and their accomplishments :)

    I would have insisted that this employee take the entire day off, so that she could truly celebrate her achievements, even it it meant covering for her myself. I would have hated for her to have in the back of her mind “I gotta make sure that I leave by such-and-such-a-time, so that I am not late for work”, when the day should have been all about her. If you can give an employee time off for a concert, you can darn well make sure that this lady gets to go to her graduation.

  496. Rick M*

    ps As I said, I missed kids so for the last 9 years I have been a VOLUNTARY mentor/advisor for student teams around Southern California. Reason I say voluntary, a school hired me (again, one I didn’t even apply for) and when one of my assignments was at my old school district, the district said there must be a mistake and called my new employer before I even had time to get home. I received an email saying they had talked to an administrator at my former district and because of a ‘conflict of interest’, he was letting me go.

    Former employers have an awful lot of power even if you don’t use them for references.

  497. Dr. Vance Henize*

    that was her way of telling you the YOU are unprofessional and abuse your employees – wake up. when your best worker quits on you because you are a complete unfeeling idjit towards her CONSIDERABLE cost and achievement to get to have a graduation ceremony (when you let someone go to a concert because they already bought tickets), you DESERVE to be down one best employee.

    Her leaving was not unprofessional, it was a professional response to YOUR lack of professional behavior.

  498. Lisa B.*

    Seriously? And I love the part about the concert being an exception because there was a cost involved. Like there WASN’T cost involved in earning a college degree.

    This manager should be demoted or fired, and this employee – Ihope – is now working a MUCH better and professional job, DUE TO HER COLLEGE DEGREE!!

  499. Kalli*

    I can’t read all the comments, because there’s just too many to filter through, so if this has come up before I do apologise.

    Giving notice =/= “I am leaving in two weeks and I will work my shifts until then”

    Giving notice = “I am leaving my employment”

    Sure, in contacts, by convention, in some laws, union agreements/awards, there are set out notice periods. However, the giving of notice in itself does not come with a requirement or promise to work towards the end date, and in some fields it is normal for people to not work out their notice (by being walked out by security and given a check for anything owing/put on garden leave – for the purpose of making sure the former employee does not take resources or contacts with them/protecting IP/requirements by a client) while in others this can be negotiated or planned around.

    Quitting on the spot is therefore not uniformly unprofessional. In some cases it is, in effect, expected.

    While I agree that having a list of extra hours worked indicates that the employee was unhappy, aware that this was not normal, and/or that she was planning to leave anyway, I do not agree that quitting on the spot is unprofessional and needs to be addressed. Even if it is not an option in that industry for the notice period to not be worked in some fashion, and if the norm is for two weeks notice, the reality is that she gave what is most likely the same amount of notice required to fire her, i.e. none. Outside of a legally binding document saying so, there is no requirement for notice. The letter doesn’t refer to such a document, therefore, this employee did nothing wrong at all. She does not deserve for her actions to be posted on the internet with any such connotation.

    Now that this article has such a wide reach – it may reach her. She may now know how much she wasn’t valued and that her manager doesn’t respect her. Even if she suspected that, now she has confirmation that her work environment was unhealthy for her, and that she was prevented from accessing the benefits her coworkers could access.

    Creating and maintaining an environment like that is a great weapon for unhappy employees, because it helps them argue things like systemic disadvantage/harassment and helps with things like claiming unemployment, making compensation claims, and the big winner – constructive dismissal. The letter writer created an environment that the employee could not work in. She was routinely working nondesirable hours, unable to access coverage, and was singled out of a policy that allowed coverage to be allocated in exceptional circumstances. Not only has she made it so that the letter-writer cannot hurt her any more, by taking away their power to do so, the fact that they don’t believe they have may now be in her arsenal, if she wants to use it.

    I believe that if the letter writer reaches out to her at all, it will just hurt her more. Don’t bother. Tell anyone who calls the truth – she worked here for x long, she worked well, the relationship has ended and you wish her well. Saying remotely negative, or even true about how she left, it will make the letter-writer look bad. “She left because I chose to selectively enforce a policy to her detriment,” reflects badly on you and great on her, because she put up with it for so long.

    Not only did she do nothing wrong by not giving notice, she did the best thing for her health and sanity (6 years of OT, really?) and has made it so that she is in the best position possible for moving forward.

    If that hurts the LW, and if the LW believes it is unprofessional, that just reflects on the LW. If this person is the lowest seniority and has been there 6 years, then perhaps the LW doesn’t know how to deal with employees leaving due to lack of experience. This is how: you get the PD, advertise for a replacement, and you be clear in interviews that you want someone who will work OT and that they have to find their own coverage. You fix any problems in your department that contributed to the departure, especially if they’re so obvious that they were presented as a reason for leaving, and you move on.

    /employmentlawyer

  500. Tammy*

    This is the voice of a poor manager! Probably the same kind of individual who complains about poor work ethic of the younger generation! Apparently, concerts are more important than life achievements (which sounds like it didn’t come easy for this girl!). And, she doesn’t understand that there was “cost involved” in going to college. If she was truly your best employee, you should’ve supported her & covered those two hours to keep her, if nothing else! Also, I’d worry more about your own career than hers! Rant over!

  501. Chris Larson*

    Alison, I don’t doubt your integrity in posting this, or that this was an actual letter from a reader. Just to be clear.

    What makes me doubt the veracity of the letter is how much attention is put into the backstory, including the 6 years while remaining lowest in seniority coupled with the high job performance, the lack of family support, the implied effort to graduate, the ridiculous contrast to the concert tickets and the obvious awareness of all of these factors on the part of the manager. All that detail in order to ask a simple question regarding giving reasonable notice.

    The presentation of the backstory indicates a much higher level of consideration and empathy than the “manager” demonstrates in the writing of the letter. The more I read this thing, the more convinced I am that the letter was written by a disgruntled employee who lost their job and is seeking validation.

    Which in itself is relevant to your site, in that, if this conclusion is true, it’s a cautionary tale for managers regarding the recognition that disgruntled employees can sometimes recast a narrative from a perspective that makes you look very bad, and thus underscores the importance of documenting all conversations in writing.

    TL;DR: I don’t believe this letter came from a manager. I believe it came from an employee seeking validation.

    1. I GOTS TO KNOW!*

      I don’t think so. There are some truly clueless people out there who think they are helping those “poor unfortunate souls” who “don’t know any better” – I have no doubt the manager believes s/he is empathetic and the employee is ungrateful. Hopefully reading Alison’s response and the comments from readers will be a “come to your deity” moment for him/her and the LW will realize what a poor job of managing was done. Additionally, the tone of mentioning the foster care didn’t seem empathetic to me – it seemed condescending “She doesn’t have a REAL family so I am the only one who can teach her how to behave” The only empathy I saw was for the employee (likely a friend) who had concert tickets. It seems this manager took the employee for granted for years and then was shocked when s/he could no longer do so.

  502. Ian MacDonald*

    Since the employee had made a decision to quit, she would have had nothing to lose by going over her supervisors head to the most senior executive in the company that she could access. Two things would then have been accomplished. The senior executives would now know what an idiot the supervisor was. This might have got the supervisor demoted or fired. They might even have considered making this “best employee” the new supervisor. In all probability they would have allowed the employee to attend the graduation ceremony even though the company and the employee would now have a problem with the supervisor who would not be happy that the employee had gone over her head. I am sure the employee knew it was time to move on and look for better opportunities. This was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. It is the company that losses in a situation like this. Good employees are hard to find.

    1. Anber*

      This sounds nice, but in reality, the only way to win in when your manager is abusive is to walk away. It’s very unlikely the supervisor would have gotten fired. It’s highly likely that the supervisor would have lied and coerced others to lie. It would have been a waste of time and energy for the employee to try to “fix” this situation. I understand that it’s tempting to want to see people like this manager get knocked down a peg, but in reality they’re very good at manipulation. Even if they did get fired, they would lie to themselves and others about the reason and never feel remorse or grow from the experience because that’s how abusive people are.

  503. Rand Harris*

    I’d happily hire her. He, on the other hand is the cautionary tale – a “manager” so tone deaf and oblivious that he can’t even recognize his own abysmal failures in this circumstance, both as a leader and as a man. Then, to be so arrogant and entitled as to offer his “help” when she clearly is very valuable and I would argue his professional superior in this case (she clearly didn’t need his “help” in overcoming the massive life obstacles she inherited, so why would she need it now?) that if I owned the company I’d fire him and rehire her in his position. She’s obviously a self-starter, a quick learner, resilient, responsible, ambitious, resourceful, reliable and competent. Probably the nicest thing that can be said about the “manager” is that he is “utterly clueless” and terrible at his job.

    To the owner: Rehire the young woman at the “manager’s” salary. Relieve the “manager” of his duties. Replace him with the young woman. Your team and your bottom line will thank you for it.

  504. Elizabeth*

    The question writer is way out of line. Concert tickets have a cost and it’s okay to show up late for work b/c of that. But the cost of struggling on your own to go to night school while working your rear end off as a perfect employee for such a horrible person has no cost? This is why managers and employers get a bad reputation, it’s people like you. It’s the managers who tell the employee with a 102 fever to keep on working, or give them the choice between attending a loved one’s deathbed or their job.
    You need to also seek therapy and figure out why you are such an awful person so that maybe you can adjust your behavior and be less of a whiny know it all “professional” and more of a real professional. Maybe you could ask your former employee to instruct YOU in professionalism, b/c you certainly need it.

  505. Sherry*

    I like to ask people this question. (Assuming of course they are of the Christian faith, because I know not everyone is)

    If you made that same decision, and then turned around and saw Christ standing right behind you, would you feel ashamed of your actions? (Or lack thereof)

    Would you be able to look Him in the eye, and say “I did my best.” Or would you feel regret?

    Given her trials and her ability to rise above it all despite how lonely she must have felt, presently, as well as most of her life…
    I don’t think her decision to quit was an easy one.

    But I’m pretty sure had she turned around after turning in her badge, and saw Christ standing there, she’d tell Him “I tried my best!”.

    Can you truthfully say you tried your best? Would you REALLY look Christ in the eyes and say “Rules are rules.”?

    Dedicated hard working employees deserve recognition, and instead of recognition, she asked simply if she could attend her graduation.
    Yes, cost was a factor in the concert tickets. But graduating? Graduating after clawing your way up through homelessness, heartache, and despair?
    …THAT is priceless. And I commend her courage, and self worth.

    1. Jessica*

      I really hope you only do that with people you *already* know are Christian, and that you assume coworkers whose religion you’re not aware of don’t want to be evangelized in their workplace.

  506. Christa*

    Give me her phone number, I’ll hire her. If quitting on the spot because of a life changing event after thoroughly exhausting all options to avoid it is the worst thing on her resume, hell yes I’d hire her.

  507. Bruce*

    I think managers need to really pay attention to the times a good employee goes the extra mile such as staying late, coming in early or regularly being the “best employee”. When an employee comes to a manager with a reasonable request to attend a milestone event, such as their own graduation, that manager should return the favor and go above and beyond for that employee. This manager not only lost a good employee for that day but forever. She essentially cut off her nose to spite her face. As managers we are successful because of the people we manage and how we manage.

  508. Kevin*

    I am not even a little bit surprised that this story came out of a call center, of the jobs I’ve had working in a call center providing technical support has been the only thing that made me look fondly back on my time in retail, food service, or transportation.

    more over I have a feeling that these sorts stories are all too common in call centers; case in point.

    I had purchased plane tickets (non-refundable, and at the time an expense that was difficult to budget in), had my time off approved for 6 months, and done everything I was supposed to do in order to ensure that my absence would not impact the team. 5 days before I was supposed to leave a “promotion” was dangled in front of me, the catch was that I would need to be sitting in a training class one day before I was supposed to be back from my trip. I asked if there was any flex in this and was told no. more over when I declined because the reason for my trip (family event) was important too me, I was told that not only would I not be considered for the next position with the next class, but I would not be offered another promotion. I assume this was supposed to make me change my position on canceling my trip, all it did was remove any loyalty I might have felt and when an opportunity to work in my field I jumped at it without a hint of guilt at having to give a short (5 days) notice.

    I’ve worked in some fairly unpleasant, stressful, and taxing jobs in my life, I know that the horror stories about retail, hospitality, and food service are often understated, and I was about to go back to them when I found my professional home, call centers are the worst.

  509. S. Dunn*

    I was angry about the clueless manager, but I was also bothered (greatly) about her co-workers who could not either trade a day with her or cover her for two hours. What sort of place is this? I can’t remember ever working in a place (office) where people weren’t willing to fill in for a co-worker, especially one who could be counted on to cover for them. Seems like there’s more dis-function in this office than just the manager. If this employee was his best and most reliable perhaps he’s about to find out what an office of non-workers can do to the company and his career.

  510. Tony Marq*

    Frankly, giving the employee all those compliments, it’s amazing she wasn’t promoted at some point during those first six years. Not only does it show some serious managerial skill-sets issues, but serious lack of leadership qualities. Every manager must have an eye out for their replacement, otherwise they also doom their own career into a perpetual go nowhere position. In addition, in this environment, where loyalty has been mostly replaced with “at will” conditions, it’s amazing we don’t see more people leaving on the spot. This young lady was finishing college, implying $10 /hr, if lucky, and the manager’s only concerned appeared to be “shock” at the employee suddenly leaving and “the method used to leave”. Then cites that the employee needs to be weary of this, meanwhile, all the manager supposedly had felt was bad, but reading behind the lines, I know the manager actually felt like the ass he/she was.

    This story is also a fine example of the poor training received on the managerial levels by many companies, it’s not unique in any sense of the word.

  511. Anber*

    I think the heart of this is that this manager is abusive and I didn’t really see anything calling this out so I wanted to make it clear. This is abusive behavior. The employee was an easy target for abuse because she had no support system. The manager’s offer to “reach out” to try to “help” this employee is anything but that. It would only be an attempt to try to suck the victim back into the abusive relationship. Managers set the culture for the whole team and it’s likely that the manager set this person up to be the victim for everyone on the team, the runt of the litter. It’s also very likely that the manager is lying repeatedly in this mail since it’s incredibly unlikely, given average turn over, that a person who has been on the job for 6 years is the least senior person on the team, not in a call center. It’s much more likely that the manager is trying to justify to themselves their right to keep abusing this person.

    I’d also like to point out that this wasn’t just any 2 hours. This was 2 hours on a day that they weren’t normally required to work. How could you possibly justify denying someone the right to go to a formal event that was planned months in advance for an emergency day of work? It is also ridiculous how the manager tries to paint themselves as unbiased by saying they let employees manage their own over time shifts but then made an exception for one person for a concert, but not another person for an event that is at least equally important.

    Lastly, it’s clear this is an abusive relationship because the employee just got a degree. There is no way that she would have continued to work in that call center. The manager clearly felt that the best way to keep the employee was to kick her as hard as possible and hope she stayed down. This is an abusive mindset. By trying to force the employee to submit, the manager was trying to take away the employee’s self esteem and make it less likely that she’d put that degree to good use. If she wasn’t an abusive manager and this person was the best employee then the manager would have been falling over trying to retain this person, not giving them a slap in the face for daring to better themselves.

  512. Penny Cook*

    Does the boss not understand that there is cost involved in going to college (A LOT)?

  513. Deanna*

    If anything, this manager should have come into the office that day and filled in for those two hours. This letter makes me sick. I hope that former employee has a bright future ahead of her and doesn’t encounter any more terrible, arbitrary managers in her life.

  514. Mica Vee*

    “Wow” is all I can say.

    “(Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.)” Cost, really? How does several thousand dollars and years of one’s life not account as cost? Not to mention the day’s expenses of cap, gown, etc. I’m glad she quit.

  515. Claire*

    Let me see if I understand this, you made an exception for someone who had concert tickets because there was an expense involved, but the person who is graduating from college had no expense tied to her so-called “excuse?”

    Pretty sure she won’t be running a call center after graduation.

  516. Monty*

    I did not read all of the comments, but am I the only one who thinks the employee wrote the letter? Just sounds a little fishy to me. Why would someone with so little empathy want to continue to council an employee or ask for advice from a blog?

  518. Vibe*

    I had a very similar situation.

    I was young working 12hr shifts at a shipping company. I decided one day to go back to school because I didn’t want to be like the older gentlemen I worked with. I informed my supervisor of my decision and asked to be put on a part time schedule when school started. She told me she’d be able to make that happen. A week before school started, I reminded my supe I my hours needed to be changed and her response was you’re either full time or you don’t have a job. I quit and never looked back.

  519. Polly Math*

    Unfortunately, what the OP did is so typical of how bullies behave. What happens is never their fault. Then they try to paint themselves as the victim when their actions have negative consequences.

  520. Liane*

    Didn’t see this until I got off work today and don’t have time to read the nearly 2000 replies.

    Is this the first time a contender for Worst Boss of the Year entered themselves?

    OP, I hope you learn from all these comments, but I am not betting on it. And here’s a professional workplace tip for you–when you go job hunting, DON’T answer the “How did you deal with a tough work situation?” interview question with this incident.
    (And don’t be surprised, OP, if one fine day you walk into an interview for a job you really want and need–and find out Best Ex-Employee is The Hiring Manager–because not only is that woman talented and on her way up–but you, alas, have accumulated a big smelly pile of Bad Career Karma.)

  521. Revé*

    Hopefully the manager learned from this. I was fuming just reading it.

    Also, her “quitting on the spot” was clearly not a rash decision. If she was his “go-to person,” the “best employee by far,” yet somehow the lowest ranking after six years, she had been treated like crap A LOT and this was just the final straw. If someone if your best employee, she deserves your best consideration and treatment.

  522. GNR*

    The manager could have covered her for the 2 hours. She asked for 2 hrs not all day for a significant accomplishment. I have a feeling the employee who quit will be successful & a manager be day.

  523. Todd*

    Worker 1: manager 0.

    The better way to handle this is to call in late and have them fire you then get a good lawyer. Odds are it would be a slap on the way wrist. Then do no more coverage for anyone unless you wanted too then start looking for a new job.

    Manager needs head examined.

    1. Kalli*

      No – that would then be fired for cause, for taking time off that wasn’t authorised.

  524. John Curley*

    I am stunned, absolutely stunned at that letter and you are a better person than I am Ms. Green, for your response. I have always treated employees and subs very well. I would welcome someone like that young woman. Whomever put that “manager” in charge has a screw loose. I hope that young woman finds a place that is deserved of her contribution.

  525. Joselyn Lewey*

    I hear people say they are surprised and staggered to see this behavior in management but I am not surprised. I have seen it and think a good course in this sort of thing should be re-taken by some managers. As a young woman about to step into the field of HR, this article really interested me and now I am going a spend a good amount of time exploring your blog. <3

  526. Cheryl*

    IMHO,management handled this all wrong from the beginning. First of all, when you became aware that you were going to need people to work outside of their normal hours you should have polled every1 to find out if there were anythings coming up that would interfere with them covering you by working outside their normal hours. With that list in hand graduations, weddings, funerals, other live events should be paramount, then if doable then concerts and other lesser appoints should have been taken into content. Seniority should never be a reason to fuck over your employees if there was a significant requirement for off shift hours they should have been equal divided among ALL employees regardless of seniority.

    But most of all if this woman was all you say she is if it came down to it YOU should have come in and covered those 2 hours congratulated her on her graduation instead of i’m sure enjoying your day off.

    As awesome as you say she is i’m sure she landed on her feet and probably with a manager that really appreciates her efforts and time. To many manager feel like folks should be luck to have a job but they don’t realize they should be luck to have good employees and treat them as suck.

  527. LSM*

    Some great comments here.

    I absolutely agree that OP should not only have let the employee have her day off, but should have thrown her a party when she returned, complete with flowers, a card, and a cake. Balloons are great, too.

    One other point, OP – it sounds as if you have a SERIOUSLY toxic culture there. I’m wondering if you and the other employees might not be jealous of this hard-working, disciplined woman, who has overcome a difficult childhood and built a life for herself, despite not having any support? Are you and the others annoyed, because she’s on a path to something better, and none of you had her determination or work ethic?

    This reminds me of my own days as a hotel maid, and, again, as a poorly-paid, low-on-the-totem pole office worker. The more senior, better-paid, full-time people HATED those of us who were in college. How dare we try to better ourselves? Who did we think we were?

    We thought we were people who were getting degrees. And we got them. All of us are better off. I don’t know what my fellow summer job maids are doing, because I don’t live there anymore, but all of my fellow students from those office days have better jobs, better vacations, and are enjoying ourselves a lot more.

    If this sounds like you, stop blaming her and do something about. Or don’t. But still stop blaming her. Your own lack of ambition and discipline is in no way her fault.

  528. Cassius*

    Here is the part I don’t get: after SIX YEARS of exemplary work, top performance, reliability and willingness to go above and beyond (weekends and holidays), how on earth is this woman STILL the least senior person in the entire organization? In addition to being treated poorly in this instance, it sounds like you were taking advantage of her across the board for a very long while. Hopefully she finds a more appreciative employer in her next role.

    1. GDouglas*

      “it sounds like you were taking advantage”

      The offending manager is not on this page — this is a different manager scolding a different manager.
      You meant “…it sounds like that manager were taking advantage…”

  529. Peter J. Derrick*

    I think it’s a sad indictment on the quality of this manager’s perception and judgement when the cost of a concert ticket seems to be worth more than the cost of a degree program.

  530. Jessica*

    Um, please correct me if I’m wrong, but taking classes for a degree and graduating all had a cost associated right? And if I am right in my thinking, it’s higher than the cost of concert tickets that could have easily been sold to recoup some of the money spent on them? This manager deserved to lose his best employee. I would have quit too

  531. Liam MacGregor*

    This sounds like a union shop. All of this talk of seniority – that is typical of union contracts where the rules must be followed rigidly or the union will file a grievance.

  532. Meg Reed*

    Honestly, when did it become the employees job to do the managers job to find a sub! To often, any more, sick workers and those who have necessary appointments are “required” to work if they can’t find anyone to take their place. What are managers for? This manager should have either found a replacement or taken her place…..THAT IS WHAT SHE/HE GETS PAID TO DO!
    What really got me mad was the manger’s ability to work with someone who had concert tickets because a cost $$ was involved vs the worker who has spent $$$$$$ going to night school and after much hard work and dedication simply wanted to participate in the HONOR AND JOY OF GRADUATION! Shame on a manager who should be fired for being shamefully disgraceful and strategically incorrect and inhuman!
    Having been a manager myself I know tell first rule of working with other: Never ask any one to do something you yourself would not do….and always put yourself in their place.
    I am sorry this worker lost her job, but the lesson has been learned and the tough skin is forming…..you are a human being and no amount of money or a job is worth losing your life, your dignity, your self esteem, your self value or your dignity! Other jobs will come and you will succeed!

  533. A Former Teacher who would have been ecstatic to have this young lady in my class*

    Aside from all of the other professional/ethical/human considerations…

    She let the person with concert tickets off early because there was “cost involved”? And there’s no cost involved in a college education? That this young lady had the funds to pay for (or, more likely, was willing to take on student loans to pay for) her college degree speaks volumes for her responsibility, integrity, and professionalism. Shame on the boss!

  535. Winston*

    I was fired by a manager just like this after being unable to find someone to cover my shift for an exam at school. Needed 2 hours of coverage. Magically , she found coverage enough so I could be released on the spot. Best thing she ever did for me. It taught me to be a way better boss. I have been an employer and self employed for 27 years and am doing well. Last I checked, she wasn’t . Oh well, at least I learned something . I think the fired employee here did as well . She won’t be coming back anytime soon, so no need to teach her anyomore than she learned in her last experience.

  536. K-Mo*

    I read this post yesterday and couldn’t stop thinking about it. I bet the OP is wishing s/he hadn’t written in! It occurred to me, though, that something s/he could do in an attempt to apologize to the employee would be to send them a link to their posting to this blog and let the employee read all the comments herself. I’m sure it would mean the world to her to know that hundreds of people are aware of her situation and are taking her side! And it would be quite the mea culpa, if the manager were able realize their mistake after reading all the comments.

  537. Channel John*

    What I don’t understand (and what wasn’t mentioned by either the letter-writing manager or Ms. Green) is that the manager let the other employee go to the concert because there was “cost involved” (ie, the price of the tickets), but didn’t seem to consider the cost of classes and time invested by the woman who was graduating. In fact, I would wager that there was a much greater cost involved in getting an education and graduating than in simply buying concert tickets online.

    Obviously, this manager was insensitive and bungled the whole situation, resulting in the loss of his “best employee by far,” but I felt like the issue of “cost” should be mentioned because disregarding the money and time the employee put into her education was particularly thoughtless, imo.

  538. Nichole*

    I also quit a job on the spot after I had informed my employer repeatedly that I would not be able to work on a particular day because I was going to attend my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary. This employer also made no attempt to help me cover me my shift, but allowed other employees to have the night off so they could go to another managers party. They had the nerve to suggest my priorities were misplaced. I not only quit that job but have boycotted the organization and told everyone I know to not support them monetarily. Also, my beloved grandfather passed away last year and I’m so happy I got to share that day.

  539. PersephoneRC*

    I think she had every right to quit and I applaud her for doing so. I would never subject myself ever again to working in a work environment where I was not appreciated and where my efforts were not reciprocated. It sounds to me like she had enough self respect to tell you right where to go under the circumstances. :)

  540. Henry Wauneka*

    I think she deserved the time off, it was a judgment call on your behalf and you obviously didn’t think she was worthy enough. It was important to her to graduate with her peers because she earned that opportunity and why if she was your best employee that you didn’t step up to plate for her.

  541. CR*

    As someone who just recently attended night classes to obtain my college degree I would have also quit on the spot. I have to laugh about the concert tickets because, as you mentioned, there was cost involved. I can tell you that a college degree costs a LOT more than concert tickets if you’re counting.

  542. marita*

    What kept this manager from putting the extra time to cover for her best employee?

  543. Kim*

    Btw, I quit a job at JCPenney my senior year cause they wouldn’t give me my prom night off. Really managers, to think people would miss mile markers for your status quo, while others take time off for minor things is crazy. Check yourselves!

  544. Tee*

    Ah, scratch the call center bit—I misunderstood the initial description of customer service phone support. But the rest of my doubt here stands.

  546. Jackson*

    Graduation isn’t free and involves costs just like a concert ticket does. Guest tickets, gown, cap. Graduation has a higher cost than most concerts. So, I don’t think your logic works.

  547. Rob G*

    It’s truly sad that the manager thinks the job he or she oversees is so important that he or she would try to make an employee miss her college graduation ceremony because “we gotta make those donuts.” I also don’t believe for a minute the manager wants to “help” but instead was looking for some justification to try to hurt this employee’s future. Sorry, but I think her earning a college degree trumps anything that a manager at a job that evidently requires no special or technical skills can do to her.
    Simply put, I’d love to have an employee like the young lady in the letter, and the manager doesn’t deserve any employees of her caliber. He only deserves employees who gripe at the slightest request to do anything extra. Word gets around, especially now in the Information Age, and you reap what you sow.

  548. Victoria A. Brown*

    The answer seems pretty simple to me. If she couldn’t find anyone to swap, the manager steps up and covers for her. I’ve done it and trust me, it goes a long way in building trust and respect. Show your team that you realize the value they bring and what is important to them. If you do, they will bend over backwards for you. As a manager you have to understand that without good people, you fail. And as far as work goes, we work to live not the other way around. Take heed Mr. “Manager” and start treating people with respect and dignity.

  549. BM*

    Yes, treating your most valued employee like crap is a sure-fire way of building loyalty. And saying things like “I’m doing this for your own career development good” is the absolute height of management condescension. Managers like that really need to buy a clue and realize there are times when “the rule book” needs to be tossed aside in favor of common sense.

    Ultimately, I believe the employee DID learn a valuable work life lesson here — don’t suffer fools as bosses. There are other jobs, and other managers, out there who really will appreciate your efforts and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

  550. Amy*

    What’s really sad is that if she were a parent that needed to be off for one of her kids, she would get it without question. Sick kid? Ok. Kid doc appt? Ok. Kid graduation? Ok. Be a childfree person who needs off for something, and you’ll find yourself BEGGING and EXPLAINING yourself to see if it’s a plausible reason to be off. That’s wrong to do to someone as well.

  551. Judi Kent*

    Why didn’t you step in and take those two hours? Great bosses make things happen and take care of their employees through servant leadership. I hope you are never in a situation where you have to choose between a personal accomplishment and coming to work because your boss was inflexible. And by the way, allowing someone else to take off and making her work is a HUGE HR issue.

  552. Billy Bix*

    Constructively, and from a kind place, I must say that in management, we must remember to always put the “man” first – be a human being and recognize others as human beings. I truly think that you might be better off looking for a job outside of management – your fine and unwavering attachment to following rules and protocol no matter the circumstance would make you an excellent administrator, such as a meter maid.

  553. Frustrated*

    I have only had 4 different jobs in my 35 yrs of employment but the one common denominator in them all has been that the employee who works the hardest and does the best work is the one who is worked the most. He or she is the one they give the most work to, ask to work over, ask to take on extra responsibility (sometimes with only a slight increase in pay) and expect the most from. They are also the ones who are usually denied days off (esp holidays) and are usually worked so hard that they are stressed and angry. While the so/so workers seem to get rewarded for their laziness and ineptitude! They will get most of the days they ask off (don’t really want them anyway/they don’t to a good job). Managers “punish” the good by overworking them and expecting too much from them. Then, they “reward” the lazy by not making them work better and letting them off more because they don’t want to deal with them. I have seen so many great employees quit because of how they are used and abused. Either that or they get so down trodden that they just don’t care anymore and think “why try”! They decide being a lazy employee has better benefits!
    This manager obviously played favorites or didn’t want this employee to take off because he or she would have had to do a little extra work themselves! Probably one of the lazy wirkers that got rewarded!! So sad!
    I hope she finds a fantastic job that rewards her for her loyalty!!

  554. Don*

    Well I imagine you are in anat will state so every day of her life you could have fired her on the spot. I do not blam a her a bit for leaving.

    Here is some free advice. When a question comes up think “will this make the business money or will it cost us money.”

    I can tell you right now you are not self employed so you get paid no matter what happens until a co eventually fails.

    I am self employed so I eat what I kill in a graphic way to put it.

    If my best employee asked to come in two hours late for a special occasion, not only would I have said yes, I would have told to take the whole off day with pay. Because it would mean a lot to her and she would be more loyal to the team.

    Because if that is my best person that is where my money is. I would do this if I had to sit at her desk and do her job myself.

    Anytime you can make make a small gesture that means a lot to that person and it won’t actually kill you then do it, as they will remember it and make you even more money.

    If you worked for my company and cost me a top employee over two hours, you would be the one fired and I would probably beg her to come back and then see if she wanted your job.

    Small pockets of power are why businesses fail. No one is looking at the big picture.

    In my business if the business makes more money then everyone who trying to help makes more money.

    It’s only fair. We are here to build something together.

    Good luck and I hope you take this as a teachable moment not a b fest.

    Because there is no money in complaining only in solving the problem no mater if it’s easy, fair or hard.

    Don

  555. Rachel*

    There are SO many bad managers out there!! I was a good employee never called out sick, did what I was supposed too and my manager fired me because I had post partum depression – and before you say it is illegal, he found a loop hole. I was going through a very difficult time in my life and he could have cared less…
    Not to take away from what this poor women went through!

  556. Chris B*

    I bet the College Degree cost a bit more than those concert tickets.

    There are exceptions to every rule, and this “manager” seemed more interested in making sure THEIR butt was covered from THEIR manager making sure there wasn’t a 2 hour gap in payroll.

    I have been in a team management position for a Corporation in a relatively uncommon industry and always had ways to make concessions for my team members in extraneous circumstances.

    Shame on this manager for putting their own interests above those of their team members. Appalling.

  557. PD*

    I would have taken the shift myself before not letting her go. Poor management all aound. You don’t keep your people from that kind of once in a lifetime thing. Terrible, just bad.

  558. Nick Hill*

    She didn’t feel known by you, that is why she quit. You didn’t take notice of all that she did. Because of that you didn’t care for her. If you enter into the world of your employees, and show care, then they will stay with you.

  559. Lauren Taylor*

    One thing I keep coming around to, is the price of concert tickets is change in comparison to a college degree. So if that’s her thought process then by her own conclusion she should have right then and there given her that time off.

  560. RC*

    “I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved. “- oh hells no you did not say it was special circumstances for concert tickets due to cost and yet a collage graduation, whom you know the person worked their butt off for is not any kind of circumstance due to them being “low” on the in work totem poll. You think collage graduation is cheap/free? It is not. I know people getting charged $450 just to get their diploma MAILED.

    This situation was poorly handled and as a result a good employee took their toys to another sandbox. As they rightly should and I am glad they had the ability to do so.

  561. Jerry'sSeattle*

    I think she should have gone to her graduation and then showed up at work. What ‘s the worse that could happen ? She could get fired but then at least she would have gotten her UI for awhile. It is obvious that being homeless has left her feeling like she can say and do anything. How many times is she going to use that “excuse” ? I would have been more on her side if she had gone to her graduation and then come to work to face the consequences of her actions. She pointed out how many times she worked OT and filled in for other employees… A- if you work overtime it is your decision to make and you are compensated for the OT…. I think the one who should be reprimanded here are all of the other employees who would not fill in for her for just 2 hours. Her co workers are the real assholes not the manager.

    1. J. Boed*

      Think about it. If it is your best employee and you cant flex a bit for her then you are not a good manager. Among things that the manager coul dhave done: 1) cover herself (i.e. be a leader), 2) just get someone with more seniority involved to cover, etc, etc. That emplyee was right to quit and let her superviosr know how much she had bent for her over time to get no flexibility in return.

  562. Dave Finn*

    I have been managing support techs and call centers since I was 25 years old. Just recently I’ve transitioned out into tech consulting, and for the last 5 or 6 years I’ve rarely been on the phones myself, but if I had an employee like this, especially as tech support is high-turnover and good people are hard to find, I would have covered for her myself for those two hours.

    Making sure the employees meet the needs of the company is only half a manager’s job. The other half is making sure the company is fair to the people working under you. Sounds like this manager never learned that part.

  563. Casey*

    What bugs me is that she managed to move some hours around for a person who had concert tickets because of a special circumstance that there was cost involved that would imply that college doesn’t cost anything and all the time she invested is worth less than someone going to a concert this boss needs to go suck eggs… horrible management

  564. George*

    Thank you for informing the writer of their grevious errors! It’s a shame that the young woman who has worked so hard and given so much of her time was treated this way.

  565. Don T.*

    To be honest, I might have tried to go to the graduation. If someone is that important to you, you want to encourage them to do all they can to better themselves.

  566. J. Boed*

    A college graduation is a very, very special moment in a person’s life. Not accommodating for that was a terrible mistake. It was your best employee, don’t you want to flex a bit for yoru best employee? I know who was unporfessional and it was not your go to employee…..

  567. Ron Tencati*

    I once quit a job on the spot because they were inflexible to a prior conflict that I made clear to them several times during the interview and onboarding processes before I took the job. The manager verbally agreed to the condition when he hired me, but then refused to honor it once I came onboard and the schedule conflict came to pass. I had no choice at that point but to leave. It would have been easy for the manager to push his project schedule out by the time I needed to clear the conflict. In the end, that whole department crashed and burned due to poor management. I made the right decision!

  568. Joseph*

    My grandfather was a highly respected bank manager. He managed one of the largest banks in AZ at the time and had the authority to loan millions of dollars on his own judgement. That being said, he also kept his letter of resignation in his coat pocket. I think that sometimes we get so wrapped up in “professional” behavior that we forget that the employer/employee relationship is just that, a relationship. If a marriage was all “give” by one spouse and all “take” by the other would anyone be surprised to find the giver suddenly gone one day? Would they think the spouse was justified or would they expect the spouse to say, “You know what? This isn’t working out. In a couple of weeks I’m getting a divorce but until then I’ll be here to carry on a usual.” As a business owner, it amazes me to see how some employers AND empoyees feel it is okay to continuously take advantage of the other as though they are somehow justified and insulated for and from the consequences of the relationship destroying behavior.

  569. Souhail K*

    I can say for certain the manager is at fault and if this story is told by him regularly it will be more prejudicial to him.

    How you know it was wrong:

    1-Granting an exception to concert ticket holder because there was cost involved…. Fair enough but the explanation is very simplistic, there was also cost in the graduation which is whatever was paid for the classes and the time spent learning the things

    1-0 employee

    2- when you are making the rules you can also either bend them or apply them differently, two hours is not a big time and keeping the rules the way they are is shortsighted

    3-If this is your best employee that gave so much time and you cannot grant her one request, then by all means you are a bad manager part of a manager’s role is to make sure his team performs and is smoothly operating and this passes by overall happiness of said team

    Assessment: Major screw up by the manager , if it were me I would be more worried about my career path than my former employee’s

  570. Adrian*

    I recently had words with one of the managers at a retail outlet I currently work for (may not be for too much longer).

    This manager works only evening, I work only days. I’ve been told by both my immediate superiors, as well as my co-workers, that I’m an amazing worker, that I’m always willing to help out when needed. That I’m an invaluable employee.

    This manager with whom I never work with felt the need during one of our holiday shifts (the only time our work schedules collide) that I’m not fair to my co-workers, that I’m of the mentality to expect others to work harder so I don’t have to, and that I do not go above and beyond to help my co-workers. She called my work down to the lowest common denominator.

    This manager is friends with 2 of our worst employees, employees I myself had to light fires under their ass just to get them to do their basic duties (which caused them to dislike me, since that meant they actually had to do work). These individuals are her favorites due to their friendship outside of work.

    This manager has belittled my work, has made false accusations, and has attempted to slander me. The only reason I can see for this is that her 2 favorites have made negative, untrue statements outside of the workplace to this manager about me.

    I’m considering getting a lawyer and suing this manager for defamation of character.

    1. The Strand*

      Sounds like you may want to email your issue to Alison separately, or on a work-related work thread.

  571. Brett*

    The author of this post seems not to be human. This girl worked for your company for the entire duration of her school work, was the best employee you had, worked faithfully for you for six years and you couldn’t cover her for two hours? Jobs come and go but you get one graduation for a particular degree. You made a stupid decision and paid the price for your ignorance. This should be a learning opportunity for you and a fantastic decision for your employee. I’m glad she’s gone as it is clear you didn’t deserve her.

  572. Baldrz*

    “Quitting without notice because she didn’t get her way.”
    No, that’s not what happened. She quit because she decided (quite rightly) that her graduation was more important, and you were no longer worthy of her efforts. You’re in no position to lecture her on professional behavior, and you owe her an apology.

    1. Michelle*

      I agree. She didn’t even ask for the whole day off, just 2 hours. If she was the best employee by far, I think asking for a couple of hours off to attend her college graduation was completely reasonable.

      I think the was a bad call on the manager’s part and they should not contact the employee to inform them they were unprofessional because really, the manager really missed the mark on this call.

  573. Scott Taylor*

    Practice teamwork, treat everyone like a guest, and strive for excellence. People matter most. In this case, the lesson is humility. Hire her back with a raise and promotion. Set a new standard for your team.

  574. Kelly*

    Truth be told I wouldn’t have waited the hour. I would have contacted the corporate office. Granting someone time off to attend their graduation should have come before someone who was going to a concert because of its monetary value is to put it mildly really low! What about the young woman’s investment in her future. She should have been commended for her hard work and for having done this all on her own.

  575. Natalie*

    I can’t believe that this manager gave another employee hours off the same day for concert tickets “due to cost” but couldn’t make exception to her graduation. If he can only do it for cost reasons I’m sure her degree cost more than a concert ticket, poor management like this is why people are unable to retain good employees

  576. Sandra*

    Just wondering why the manager couldn’t cover the two hours. My husband is a manager and when there is no one to cover a shift, he goes in and works in the toll booth (he is the toll collection manager at a very busy international crossing). The toll operates 24/7 so he may even go in and work a night shift.

  577. Shaney C*

    I like how the manager excuses the employee with concert tickets because “cost” was already a factor. Uh hello what about the cost of school she spent to get and earn the graduation!?

  578. Molly*

    Wow…I’d hire her just because she’d managed to suffer through this pompous twit of a manager for more than 15 minutes. She did much better than I would have, and I’ve played in the nonsense of corporate live for 30+ years.

    No, she shouldn’t make a habit of just quitting, but, as a manager, you shouldn’t chase off your best employee by being an unfeeling, arrogant, idiotic twit either. Now, as the manager, you get to figure out how you’re going to manage without her….she’ll do just fine without you, or your “advice”, trust me.

  579. Bea W*

    (Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.)

    *facepalm*

    A college education costs a lot more than concert tickets! Graduation at 2 hours is shorter than a concert too, and the employee was still willing to work the rest of her shift. She didn’t even ask for the whole day off.

    I can’t even. Had it not been for the “caveat”, I might have had a little bit of empathy for the OP, but intervening on behalf of an employee to attend a concert but not on behalf of an employee who has spent years and thousands of dollars and blood, mental sweat, and tears to educate herself and better her lot in life, and will have ONE shot to attend her own graduation (hint: generally a concert is not the last time one would ever be able to see a performance), really puts the whole thing in ugly perspective. Your employee didn’t quit because she didn’t get her way. She quit because she realized she was working for someone who didn’t give a rat’s behind about her educational and career advancement, and that doesn’t bode well for someone who obviously wants to grow beyond the work she was doing for you. I imagine it felt to her like a huge kick in the gut, a star employee who never missed a day of work being begrudged 2 hours to attend her graduation. Her co-workers were apparently not supportive of her either, agreeing to help out others who wanted time off for whatever, but not switch off with someone who has an important milestone event. She was only asking for TWO hours.

    So here we are with a boss who doesn’t support her and co-workers who don’t support her. If that’s the way things are at her job, I suspect the quitting wasn’t provoked by the one incident and was probably the straw that broke the camel’s back. Please take this as “teachable moment” to value and to show your best employees that you do value them and support their advancement and desire to learn.

  580. Mildred*

    One of the (many many) things that gets me about this is that it wasn’t even a normal work day, but on a day that would normally be a day off for everyone… perhaps her graduation was the reason why this woman who often covered for others didn’t volunteer to come work that day in the first place!

  581. Valerie*

    You say she is your best employee but yet you couldn’t let her come in on a non scheduled work day two hours late? I would quit too. How was she supposed to request off if this was a surprise shift? Why did you let other employees off for non important reasons but not her? She wasn’t even requesting the whole day off. Graduation is most likely the biggest achievement in her life this far, and your actions showed you couldn’t care less about her achievements. And letting go someone off early for the concert must have been a slap in the face to this employee, especially since you said there was no cost associated with a degree. It takes a great manager to keep great talent.

  582. Nymphy*

    That’s exactly like how I got fired for having extreme tooth pain, even after spending most of the time in my life working for a Subway. And then later the boss saw me and tried to explain she was just doing her job. (Let’s not forget her mocking me on-site for crying because I needed that job and her actions were so cruel to me.)

  583. Mary*

    Hello,

    Agree, if you reach out to this employee it should be to congratulate her on her accomplishments and to apologize for the lack of support you failed to give her. You also should be sure she knows you will provide a reference for her next job. People first and always at work.

  584. Hailey*

    I had a manager that got a phone call from my uncle saying my brother was dying in the hospital and he was coming to pick me up and to have me ready. I didn’t find out until he showed up. And when we got to the hospital, he was dead. She wanted me to work the next day, insisting on it. I quit on the spot.

  585. Kate*

    Mortified by this submission. Absolutely mortified. The further I read, the more I thought this was a joke.

    Alison is 100% right. If anything, you should reach out to apologize. I hope the woman who quit finds the job of her dreams where she is treated with respect.

  586. Michelle*

    I’m dumbfounded that this employee was described as being “the best employee by far” but the manager couldn’t schedule someone to cover her for 2 hours so she could go to her graduation! She did this for someone with concert tickets, and while I certainly know that concert tickets are not cheap, college graduation trumps that, IMO. Especially considering everything she overcame.

    Unfortunately, the manager lost (by her own account) a great, dedicated employee because she was too low on the totem pole for the manager to schedule someone to cover her for 2 hours. She didn’t even ask for the whole day, just 2 measly hours!

    OP- this was bad call on your part and contacting her to chastise her about quitting will reflect poorly on you. If you wanted to apologize and may be offer her job back, sure, but otherwise I would leave it alone. I hope that in the future, you can have a little more flexibility for your best employees when they deserve to celebrate an incredible accomplishment.

  587. Megan*

    Concert tickets “cost” money, but so does college. And college is a much bigger investment, not only monetary, but an investment in time and energy. The manager failed miserably…

    1. Michelle*

      I totally agree! If I were a manager and someone wanted off for 2 hours to go to college graduation, I’d gladly cover the hours! Maybe the whole day.

      I’ve had to cover for coworkers who needed time off before for things (in my mind) that were much less important, such as their big toe hurt & it was uncomfortable to wear shoes so if they couldn’t come to work & go shoe-less, they needed off. Also, I had to cover for someone to go to the their best friend’s cousins’ ultrasound. I questioned that one, but I worked the shift for them.

  589. J0e*

    Being an engineer that has been thru multiple product launches over the year, both as team manager and a subordinate, I think this “manager” has a lot to learn about leading people. It seems to me that in addition to not understanding or “getting” why this employee quit on the spot, he is also ignorant to the other large issues prevalent within his team:
    1. He writes “This includes some of my team coming in on a day our office is normally closed (based on lowest seniority because no one volunteered).” and “She asked her coworkers, but no one was willing to come in on their day off.”

    The fact that he had to assign overtime based on lowest seniority because no one volunteered, and again no one volunteered when a coworker needed coverage to attend her college graduation, leads me to believe that his team has serious morale and teamwork issues. Typically employees that are treated with respect and have a good leader will understand the need for and volunteer to occasionally work overtime. They will also look out for and support their teammates because they understand it requires a group effort to be successful.

    2. He intervened on behalf of the employee with the concert tickets and not the employee who was being recognized for a significant achievement, especially given her background. His reasoning was a cost issue for the concert, yet he fails to put a value to the sacrifices and hard work this employee made while earning her college degree. This could readily be perceived as bias/favoritism or lack of recognition, which furthers low morale and team spirit.

    3. He writes “I’m a bit upset because she was my best employee by far. Her work was excellent, she never missed a day of work in the six years she worked here, and she was my go-to person for weekends and holidays.”

    He appears oblivious to the impact of her contributions to the team. Why was she still the least senior employee if she had provided excellent work, had no absences, was his “go-to person”, and his “best” employee for six years? It seems to me he took her performance for granted and did not properly develop a promising employee’s career. Again if he acts this way with other members of his team it could cause morale to suffer even further.

    This “manager” could definitely benefit from some leadership and management course of his own. He had a highly motivated and productive employee, a typical manager’s dream employee, but he lost her because of a mere2 hours that he wasn’t willing to accommodate. Just the fact that she only asked to come in two hours late and not take the whole graduation day off shows she was trying to provide a compromise and solution to her manager . I believe she is motivated and will have ease in finding success with another employer.

  590. Living Proof*

    I wonder if the employee, not the clueless boss, wrote this letter. I just can’t imagine a manager being so stupid and perverse as to behave outrageously and then seek to be exonerated in a column like this one. The outraged employee, on the other hand, would have known she’d get plenty of sympathy and support in the angry responses to such a letter. If this is the case, good for the employee!

    Sounds as if this column has been republished in a lot of places, so if the employee was not the writer, she’ll likely read about the incident and enjoy the public flogging of her former boss. Let’s hope she gets in touch with AaM and lets us know what she’s doing now and whether she needs assistance.

    (First-time poster here. Alison, I love your column. I read it obsessively when I was job-hunting during a long unemployed stretch. Now that I’m employed, it’s a pleasure-read that I fit in whenever I can.)

    1. NCKat*

      If you read some of the comments, you will see this manager is sadly not all that unusual. I used to have a boss with very much the same obliviousness to how their actions affected the team’s morale.

  591. Calvin*

    Just learned of this site from CBC News. I cannot begin to describe the number of times in my past that I’ve been in situations where I filled in for coworkers whenever needed, and yet they were never available to return the favor to me (yet would do so for others sight unseen).

    Granted, this is a very, VERY different situation. It’s bad enough that college itself is incredibly expensive, but when you factor in everything associated with graduating, the costs both tangible and not far outweigh some concert tickets; sadly, the failure of OP to recognize this is either an express or implied endorsement of the apparent clique amongst their reports. While this is an unfortunate reality in many workplaces, it does not make the situation any more acceptable; if anything, it stands out quite strongly as an issue that demands action.

    I applaud the employee’s choice of action. While in most cases quitting without notice would be unprofessional, in this case it’s a matter of not only principle, but standing up for oneself in the face of obvious abuse by not only coworkers, but her own manager.

  592. Matthew T*

    I do not disagree with the employees actions. If the manager “valued” her employer like she says she does, the “manager” would have made it work. Hey, maybe take a “loss” for the day and have all of the co-workers go to her graduation. A little bit goes along way. In today’s job market, it is the employee who can be selective.

  593. Isabel Sinton*

    Its called ‘Quid Pro Quo’ ( Latin.) The woman went over and above for the company, but when she needed something, she was hung out to dry. I’m retired now, but I would have hired the woman. She evaluated the situation and made a good quick decision. She realized she was working for a company that only wanted to use her, and she cut her losses. Rots of ruck to the manager in getting other employees to cover her shift. Think they are going to step up to the plate now that their scapegoat has left? What’s the name of this company? We need to warn future hires AND write nasty letters to the upper management explaining why thousands of people are boycotting their new product.

  594. Patrick*

    I will certainly be cheering this employee on. A company that has a manager like this is not deserving of this had working dedicated employee. Quite frankly, I’d want to know which company it was so I wouldn’t personally darken their door step by accident. (and help my friends not make the mistake of working there either).

    This employee was certainly not the manager’s best employee as the manager post-loss has stated. It is kind of like that kid that verbally says they are sorry with no remorse, but maybe only because they were caught. Not sorry at all. This is clear from the manager’s desire to reach out to the employee to prevent her from making this kind of mistake in the future. This employee did not make a mistake, but probably her most beneficial life changing decision. She is now free to pursue better opportunities in a career path she has worked so hard to get her degree in. As the employee, I would move on and never look back.

    As for the manager, what a poor decision. I will state that if they were the owner of the business, they more than likely would have said so. So as a manager (not the owner), they had the responsibilities and the duty to manage and oversee the owner’s resources – including Human Resources. Rather than seeing the long-term need to make the necessary adjustments to keep this valuable employee, the manager’s short sightedness led to a God complex.

    “Thou shalt not attend said ceremonies held in your honour, for I have spoken”.

    It is too bad, because the manager has now lost his owner’s valuable resource. He did not do his job and act in the best interests of the company he was charged with managing. If I were the owner, I would probably be pissed. It remains a fact of life that this type of manager will continue to treat that type of employee poorly. So if I had three wishes, they would be:
    1) May this employee now find abundant prosperity and success and fulfillment in her new career path.
    2) May this manager never stumble across such a suitable and reliable replacement employee.
    3) May the owner eventually find a worthy employee that will truly manage his resources.

  595. Hanako*

    I’m confused about the fact that the manager granted leave to the concert-goer because “there was cost involved”, but didn’t to this employee. Did she attend college for free? Did she never pay for a textbook, a scantron sheet, her cap and gown? This manager lacks simple common sense.

  596. Chad*

    This is what happens when your not willing to accommodate employees. This employee was presenting a valid reason for asking to start 2 hours later. She’ll find other work with bosses who will accommodate her when she needs time off. Employees can quit at anytime and it’s out of your control.

  597. Curtis*

    Having worked customer service via the phone I am aware of the “the sky will fall if you don’t do this” mentality that some managers seems to use as a strategy to motivate their employees. (Read strategy as manipulative tactic and motivate as pressure). So this is not surprising. What catches me off guard, though, is the following:
    This manager claims she had one instance where an employee was granted leave because they had a concert to attend for which they had already paid. So the manager’s reasoning was that because money was involved, it was okay to pardon the other employee.
    Perhaps this manager is unaware of tuition, or how many schools charge, on top of tuition, graduation fees.
    To summarize, this manager is okay with letting employee y attend a concert that employee y paid for. But employee x, whose education does have a fixed monetary amount attached to it, i.e. tuition, is not allowed to attend graduation.
    Hypocrisy is an understatement, this manager, unbeknownst to herself, has just revealed her own favoritism within the workplace.

  598. Delightful Daisy*

    I am appalled not only at the manager’s response but at the other coworkers as well. Whether or not her coworkers thought her college graduation was important doesn’t matter. I deliberately chose not to use the word colleagues because they were not acting as such. LW, as a manager, you should have offered to cover not only those 2 hours but her whole shift, especially since you were willing to make an exception for concert tickets. I agree with Allison that you owe the employee an apology for how you handled this situation. I believe the employee acted in an appropriate manner given the circumstances. I strongly hope and encourage that should you receive a call for a reference that you give a strong reference based on the fact that she was your best employee, worked for you for 6 years with stellar attendance and performed well. Please don’t let this incident color your opinion of her when you were the one that was in the wrong, not the employee.

  599. the infamous yod*

    i know concert ticket prices have been egregiously inflated over the years but so has the cost of a degree. please tell me what concert tickets cost more than a college degree so i can avoid that concert at all costs, pun intended.

  600. Fifty and Forward*

    I would have quit on the spot as well. I was 30 when I finally graduated from college. It was a very big deal to me. As it was to your employee.

    You made a really bad call. Own it. Learn from it. Contact your former employee and apologize.

  601. Maia*

    Really curious to know if the manager was male or female. People seem to be assuming it’s male. For some reason I assumed female when I first read the letter. Could the moderators give us a clue?

  602. Anne*

    There seem to be a lot of mistakes made by the manager and they lost a good employee, but the one thing I can’t understand is that the manager didn’t realize getting an education on your own without support of family has a cost far greater that concert tickets.

    1. Candice*

      That struck me, too. As in, what?!? Concert tickets more important than the validation of graduating from post-secondary school!?!

  603. Janus Daniels*

    Bravo Allison Green; you wrote far more kindly than I feel inclined to.
    So, I’ll stop now. ;-)

  604. Daniel*

    She should put a link to this question on her resume. That should do the trick for her.

  605. Rod*

    Management stuff. ISO. Continuous Improvement.

    If a young girl can overcome poverty, climb up the downward spiral of self-pity and motivate herself, to work hard and accomplish the most difficult project she has ever seen, tackle it like a true manager, AND SUCCEED… That right there is the spirit of management. Take the worst case scenario, and thrive, and prosper.

    That is Continuous Improvement. I need that girl on my team.

    And for the manager, follow strictly the rules without thinking through is not being a manager, is being an automaton. Like a parrot, barking orders. True leaders ADAPT. Take care of the MVPs in his turf. They can deal with tight schedules, and thrive. If i were to manage that call center, the manager would be gone in a heartbeat, and I would give the post to the girl. She has proven herself trustworthy.

  606. Connie Tuttle*

    What gets me is that none of her co-workers were willing to cover for her *for two hours.*

  607. Renee*

    I had to quit my job because my boss wouldn’t let me have any time off for my aunts funeral. I was not sure what to do, but the day before the funeral I just quit, I decided I wasn’t going to miss it for a job. She was shocked and even cried. I worked there for 7 years and always came in for her when she needed it. (And generally she was pretty flexible with things I needed)
    This happened on top of her scheduling me to work 20 days straight without a day off, after knowing my aunt was fighting for her life(she ended up passing away on my last day off before those 20 days straight started). I didn’t even have time off to grieve for her, then she was shocked when I quit cause she wouldn’t even let me go say goodbye.
    Her reason was that she couldn’t find another employee to work it. But she sure did manage to find one after I quit so she wouldn’t have to work my shift herself.

  608. Meredith*

    Oh my. There are so many things wrong with this letter, that I scarcely know where to begin!

    First of all, I can’t believe the callous attitude of the manager in expecting his employee to forgo her graduation ceremony. By all accounts, she overcame tremendous adversity and hardship to get her degree, and she should be applauded. Her manager should be throwing her a graduation party, not belittling her accomplishment by implying that her ceremony isn’t worth him giving her a measly 2 hours off.

    Secondly, I cringed when the letter states that this employee was the go-to person for all holiday work etc, because this implies that she was grossly taken advantage of because she had no family. It sounds like this manager took a heartbreaking situation and shamelessly exploited it.

    And next, the star employee was there for 6 years but was still the most junior person there? Not only was she considered the best employee, but the best “by far” according to the letter…and yet she was kept at the lowest rung on the ladder. I can only assume this was deliberate, because the manager knew he would not be able to lean on her as hard if she had a little more seniority. How insidious.

    Sadly, this is the attitude of all too many employers nowadays: demand the world of people (often for substandard wages), fail to reward dedication and hard work, and then act befuddled when good people leave.

    Also, shame on her coworkers! Not one could give her two hours, let alone *gasp* the whole day? It sounds like the manager’s elitist attitude may have trickled down to his underlings, in which case the employee in question is better off gone.

    Hopefully this industrious lady has moved on to better things. Best of luck to her.

  609. Kara Burnett*

    No idea why the manager didn’t just swap Mr/Ms Concert Tickets with Ms Graduating – the woman graduating wanted to come in later, the concert ticket person wanted to leave early – just swap their shifts?! No?!

    1. Will L.*

      This would have been the right thing to do. Or cover the shift. Or went a bump down in seniority.

  610. Anon Ymous*

    I see many of the comments refer to the manager as “he”. Am I the only one who read the letter and assumed the manager was a woman? Not that it matters, but it never occurred to me that the manager was a male.

  611. cheri rutherford*

    you said that you made an exception for someone who had already purchased concert tickets as their was cost involved…how much do you think it cost this employee to earn a degree? do you know how much college costs? it costs money for tuition and books, hours of her personal unpaid time, lots of studying and a heck of a lot of strength and determination. and you could not spare this person for 2 hrs so she could go to her graduation? I’m sorry for her that she was treated with this much disrespect. I can’t say I wouldn’t have walked out myself. I want this employee to know there are good progressive companies out there who would.live to have you, and don’t let this experience bring you down. I am 62 years old, and a woman. I can tell you that there are terrible supervisors out there, and some that have my complete respect and appreciation. there are better companies, projects, jobs to be done. the world is waiting for you, show em what you got!

  612. SheLooksFamiliar*

    I can’t help myself: Alison, have you heard from the OP? Surely s/he has checked in to see if you published a response, and I imagine the messages here are hard to absorb. But I think the messages have been consistent and necessary from your readers.

    Maybe I’m a sunny optimist, in spite of my general cynicism. I’ve coached some clueless executives in my day, and it took some time and straight talk – sometimes brutally honest talk – but they usually had a ‘road to Damascus’ moment. I hope there’s one for the OP, too.

    1. I GOTS TO KNOW!*

      I hope the OP has a moment of clarity from reading the responses as well. Instead of a knee jerk reaction and insisting everyone is insane except him/her

  613. TJ MacDonald*

    As a 15 year veteran of retail management, I too have to say this manager utilized poor judgement in allowing this to happen. Management is about people, not just about goods and services. Without good employees, it doesnt matter how good your product or service is, you will fail. The fact that this employee followed protocol to request the day off, tried to overcome scheduling conflicts by seeking someone to cover them, and ultimately stuck to her own ethics shows just how good a worker she is. This manager exemplifies just how poor management has gotten throughout the years. Managers like this who care more about the dollars of the business than the employees of the business is what makes corporate america so despised. Someone tell that former employee to give me a call for an interview. As for that manager, hopefully someday he will come across a higher manager equally as rigid.

  614. Jen*

    Wow, as a manager myself I am astounded at the very poor decision this manager made. Her employee worked so hard to get her degree, this ceremony meant something to her & she can’t understand that & move past her own narcissism? Awful. As for letting the one employee go to a concert because she spent money…..ummm…..does this manager think college is free? Unbelievable. A good manager would have covered the employees shift herself.

  615. Anne*

    I quit from my previous job . my uncle pasted away and I requested days off to spend with family and attend his ceremony. While on the day of his ceremony my manager was calling my phone none stop to come in to work. I had to shut my phone off to be left alone during the ceremony due to his frequent calling , leaving voice messages. Quit and Found a better job with much better management .Her leaving was a great desicion. Hopefully she found a job with better management as well.

  616. Chief Encouragement Officer*

    Alison, thank you thank you thank you for saying so perfectly what so many of us wanted to say. I am SO GLAD this person reached out to you. Hopefully this will be the beginning of some reflection on and improvement of their management skills. One can hope.

  618. Justin*

    I did the same thing in high school. I wasn’t abandoning a high priority job or anything, but I eventually told my manager that, whether or not a replacement was found, I would not be in that night. My manager said “Why would anyone cover for you when you never cover for anyone else?” which was not true. I ONCE refused to cancel my existing plans for someone I knew was just playing hookie… Anyway, she lost sight of the fact that when the cons of keeping a job outweigh the pros of leaving it, the power is in the employees hands. Then it wasn’t a matter of filling one shift, but 7.

  619. J.H.*

    I just recently quit my job because of being treated the same by my manager. In the over two years I worked there I missed work twice because I was sick, was always willing to cover shifts for coworkers (usually grave shifts), and when I really needed my managers help for a family emergency, I basically got a that sucks you’re working in response, even though she’d bent over backwards for other coworkers who had sick children or family issues. So that night I gave my notice and two weeks later I was done. Best decision I ever made. If you work hard and do your job, you don’t deserve to be miserable and not appreciated. Even if this letter is fake, this kind of stuff does still happen. Happened to me.

  620. Don*

    As to improving professionalism, it looks like a good example of a manager who needs to heal thyself, and cutting one’s nose off to spite your face. But management is a learning exercise as well, and perhaps the next time a very best person is looking for some support, the result will be wiser.

    What also stands out is the team could use a shot of team work and empathy. No one in that pile of people could step in to support someone else in their team for a fantastic achievement? The manager should worry more about that then 2 hours lost time.

    There was an great opportunity lost as well. This was such an obvious example of someone really committed to self improvement, zeroing in on a goal and achieving it, that the manager could not only have recognized it by applauding it, telling her to go for it, and in doing so send a message to the team, that the manager & the comapny fully supports career development, getting more education. If there was space allowed, the manager should have asked to go to the graduation putting butt in seat to demonstrate some pride in achievement, and then had a cake and fixings when the grad came back to work.
    Who’d cover? someone else in the team, forget for the day other rules, rank, tenure etc. and if no one had the good grace to step up, then make a command decision and order someone to. If not that, then stand in yourself for 2 hours. Jeez!

  621. Annabel C*

    Whilst at school and before university, I had a part-time job at a high end retail store where I worked every Saturday (without a day off, and sometimes overtime on Sunday) for 9 months. One week, there was a sudden death in the family and I had to attend a funeral on the Saturday. I called my manager to tell them I couldn’t come in, to which they told me they needed me in and I couldn’t go! Needless to say, I was forced to quit on the spot. The manager still tells new staff there I’m the only person to ever quit without notice. The lack of empathy in some managers will never cease to amaze me!

  622. Samantha Forchione*

    WOW!! I cannot believe this manager did this. I actually wanted to cry. How can she have denied her this very reasonably request. Geez and she was only asking for two hours not the whole day. Shame on you manager!!

  623. Josh Lane*

    What boggles my mind, is that while this manager is writing her letter and putting the words on paper, not once does it occur to her that she was in the wrong. My impression, based on how much detail she gave regarding the employee’s background (foster homes/homelessness/etc.), was that this manager felt the employee owed her for giving her a job in the first place; and that is why the employee was always the go-to person to cover shifts while giving preferential treatment to those she holds in a higher social standard. Sounds to me that this manager used this employee as more of an indentured servant than a respected employee. More than likely, this manager will not provide a good reference for this employee out of spite. Hell, if she were such a valued employee and no one would be kind enough to cover her shift, then the manager should have stepped up and volunteered.

  624. Parrish*

    I have nothing to add that hasn’t already been said. (Well, strike that. There are a lot of things I *could* say, but this site’s policy doesn’t allow profanity.)

    I definitely would be interested in hearing whether this person writes back to follow up, though. I hope she does.

  625. Golan Klinger*

    To be blunt, she got to go to her graduation, you either had an empty seat for two hours or found someone to work it and you lost a solid employee. Was it worth it? Hardly seems so. If I were her manager, I would have worked the two hours for her and thrown her a little breakroom graduation party on her next shift. I deeply respect and admire people that pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and will do anything I can to support them.

  626. Joy*

    The concert-ticket holder sounds like he/she got favoritism. Missing 2 hours for such an important milestone was essential. The employee deserved that time off after all she’d done to get to that point, especially considering her incredibly difficult life. That was a huge & needless loss for that manager. But I don’t doubt that amazing young woman will be quickly snapped up by an employer with more common sense.

    1. Jamie*

      I agree there was obvious favoritism which makes me wonder about the manager’s relationship with that employee and also the dynamic of the group of workers as a whole. I find it odd others were willing to work on their day off yet none of them were willing to trade with her.

  627. Dave*

    There’s a very simple, easy fix to the situation that would have not only retained the employee, but most likely have earned the manager a great deal of goodwill and loyalty from the employee: the manager himself comes in and works for the employee so that she can attend her graduation. Leadership is a service role, and by putting in some personal sweat in taking care of a team member, you make a powerful statement as to how important they are to you. If she is the quality person she seems to be, she will recognize the kindness and the effort you put in, and remember it the next time she is asked to step up. (And don’t say that you aren’t capable of doing her job. If you, as the manager, are not capable of doing the work of everybody on your team, then you need to fix that.)

  628. Wes*

    Holy crap!! I’ve been in the military for 22 years and I’ve never even seen anyone treated like this employee was unless that person was deployed to a war zone and even then, they’ve been able to work things out about half the time. I can’t believe that an employer would think that a concert is more important than a college graduation just because “there was cost involved”. Do you really think there wasn’t a cost to the college graduation? How about tuition plus the cost of years of the employee’s life, not to mention the fact that the employee was getting an education to, in part, be a better employee…already your best employee!!

    Do the right thing and not only offer her her job back, but convince your employer to give her a raise and send you to management/leadership training! Then, dedicate the next couple years of your life to nurturing that pearl of an employee. From what you’ve said about this employee motivation despite her difficult life, she should have your job or better and “outrank” you by then or you have failed as a leader.

    1. Patrick*

      I have seen many say: Offer her her job back.
      I’ve got to say NO. Stop trying to get her job back.

      1) The company simply doesn’t deserve her. She’s better than that. Especially now she has that degree.
      2) Six years, never missed a day, “my best employee” – huh. Yet it seems this company has overlooked all of her efforts for promotions for rank and seniority – she remained the lowest. They use/abuse her.
      3) She confided in them, and they broke that. This manager is now telling the world: oh she’s had dozens of foster homes, lived on the streets or was homeless. They don’t respect her, her privacy, or her trust.
      4) This manager is arrogant. He makes the mistake of thinking she’ll mess her life up. “I mean like she left here, without giving her notice – oh, how unprofessional”. I don’t think her life will get messed up, she has already taken some of the worst cards life had to deal, turned it into a positive and obtained her degree.
      5) Manager states “We are her family, she doesn’t have any one else”, yet they showed none of it when she needed it. Maybe the should have closed show to celebrate it with her – I mean, if she’s family and all.

      But most of all, if I were in her shoes – I certainly wouldn’t be wanting to hear from this manager ever. She can use them as a reference – she was their best employee as stated above. Would the manager be such a liar to not give her new employer the heads up on how she is always there and working hard? If he could be such a liar – it would cement why I would not want to hear back from him.

      Degree in hand: She has many more doors opening to better employment opportunities, with higher pay. Someone is going to realize she moved from homeless to graduate. They will give her the opportunities that will give upward mobility in their organization – so no more low man on the totem pole. Her life will become oh so much better. (The best the manager will do is keep her oppressed to use her more).

      So PLEASE: Stop trying to get her job back. Don’t wish her back into the same old same old. Instead, wish her prosperity and success. She has already shown the world she will get over whatever hurdles are thrown in her path. Kind of makes me wonder where we will find this superstar in ten years, what new heights she has reached, what awesome things she has accomplished. But tell me, she ain’t back at her old job, still under that unappreciative confidence-breaking oppressive manager.

  629. Joe*

    I wonder why none of the other people, who she has covered for, did not get her back?

  630. Just My Opinion*

    In my opinion you do not have a team. You have a group of people who work with each other. A team will always have each other’s back and support regardless of relationship status amongst themselves. After reading this I would have to say that the writer showed favoritism towrds the more senior members of the workplace.

    After reading the background of the young lady who quit I would say that the Manager should have taken upon themselves to work around the young ladies request.

  631. Kirk*

    Completely floored by this managers bad choices. As a good manager we remember to be human and where we came from. This woman also paid for her college education and that is far more valuable than concert tickets. My advice is to seek seminars or training on how to be a good manager. If no one else could cover the hours you should have. It shows leadership and builds trust with your team that is hard to come by these days.

  633. SouthernAZ*

    I worked for a company with union shop rules for several years after the break-up of AT&T. I also came across rigid, uncaring managers like this. As a manager myself, I oversaw a major product rollout in a call center. Our scheduling always accounted for contingencies like this. There might have been some minor inconvenience, like adjusting break times, but managing the risk of letting her take 2 hours would have been a minor thing.

    The rigidity shown by this manager, although appalling, is not unique. In my first position in the company, I was told by my boss that I was too nice to my employees and that ‘they weren’t the ones who would get me promoted.’ I was truly horriified by her attitude and made it a point to treat them like humans with dignity, because they were. Many times I went to other employees to get coverage for someone with a major life event. A few times I sweetened the pot by adding $50 from my own pocket (in the 1980’s that was real money). This person may be a ‘manager’, but will never be a leader. In the military we learned the difference. She manages the work by rigidly and uncaringly following a procedure. She does not manage the people for their personal best performance to benefit the business and customers. She is not invested in her employees development or well-being.

    As for the employee’s notice, she did exactly what she needed to do in the best way possible. Union shop schedules are usually made 2 weeks in advance. Giving 2 weeks notice would have meant she would work through her graduation, defeating the purpose of her resignation. The side benefit was leaving the manager with a problem to solve, which she was being paid to ‘manage’. I wish the employee all the best. Unfortunately, it is obvious by the last paragraphs of the letter that the ‘manager’ learned NOTHING from the experience. I wonder where she will be on the management ‘seniority list’ when the inevitable lay-offs come. Any business who has managers this rigid is doomed, just like the place I worked. Remember the first 2 Dilbert books? We worked in the same place in a business that no longer exists due to managers like this.

  634. B L Lee*

    Those bosses are common. In college I worked a fast food job. Would always come in when the daytime boss was in need (I usually worked evenings) if possible.

    I got sick with bronchitis. I was told I *had* to come in. When I came in, I tried to get the night manager (nice guy) to let me go early. I mean, bronchitis – coughing in a food place, fever, etc. I was told that the day boss had specifically told him not to let me go early. I couldn’t believe it, after all I had done for him. The night manager did what he could to help me short of letting me go home (I sat and pretended to wipe tables) and I appreciated his attempt to help.

    I was supposed to be the person in charge when summer came as the other experienced people were graduating. I came in the next day after this terrible shift and gave 2 weeks notice. I was fired, of course, after giving notice.

    It was my first firing but I never regretted what I did. And that manager lost a very good worker.

    1. Chris*

      Wow. You were sick with bronchitis and you were forced to come in? And you were the best employee there? I am just stunned.

      I mean, think about it. You were sick in a fast food place not only was this bad for you, but bad for the workplace as well because illness can spread rather quickly. And you were working at a restaurant of all places. Had I been your manager, I would have told you to stay home and get better, and find someone else to do your shift. Your manager clearly did NOT know what he was doing.

      You were right to give notice. You deserved better than that sorry excuse of a manager.

  635. Melissa*

    This reminds me of my only experience being fired, 20+ years ago:

    I was a college student working part-time, and I put in requests for time off at the very beginning of the semester (5 months in advance) for the dates/times that my final exams were scheduled, including one that happened to fall on a Sunday. My manager refused to give me (or any of their other college employees) any time off on that Sunday because it was their busiest day of the year and they needed all hands on deck. The professors also had very strict standards under which exams could be rescheduled (which did not include accommodating a minimum wage job’s unreasonable demands). So basically, it came down to either take my final and show up a couple hours late to work, or fail my final by not taking it at all. The manager thought all of us college students should have skipped our finals rather than miss work, and she was shocked (SHOCKED, I tell you) when half her staff didn’t show up on Sunday (despite numerous reminders that we would be at finals that morning, no matter what the work schedule said). When I did show up a couple hours late for my shift (after finishing my final) I was told not to bother, I was fired. In spite of being very good employees, myself and well over half their staff was looking for new jobs after finals.

  636. Tricia*

    This was her graduation from college and her manager said NO? WOW!!!! Absolutely no words for the manager. Congratulations on your graduation! You will have no problem finding a new job. Employers love dedicated hard working employees.

  637. Jenna*

    Wow… I never comment on these things but I’m in shock that a person like that is a manager. Even if this girl didn’t ensure all that she did, everyone deserves to go to their college graduation.. It’s an accomplishment that is not replaceable by any job that doesn’t value her as an employee, especially one who otherwise bends over backwards. I would’ve sent the same message to my manager and her boss.. She made an exception for someone with concert tickets?! Because it was an out of pocket expense ?! Last time I checked college wasn’t free. Wow!

  638. Dan O*

    I think you should think about what you ask of that employee. A college graduation is just shy of your wedding in important events. Especially if this employee did it part time and against the odds. The employee was right to quit as an employer you showed absolutely no respect.

    An odd thought… how about you step up and say I will cover you. It was only two hours and it does not hurt the boss to do the work once in a while to stay in touch.

    I see this kind of issue constantly at Walmart. You have people promoted too young with no understanding of the big life picture and, having only worked one place, think that their company’s way is the only way. Just as bad are those given leadership roles strictly based on having been in the military – they have an I give the orders attitude.

  639. Todd*

    How in can you say that there is no cost for a graduation and there is for a concert. I believe there is a cost for an education far beyond the monetary cost, which I might add is much greater than the concert. You didn’t think about price, effort, and the time she put into that graduation. I applaud her for quitting, and quite honestly you deserve loosing your best employee due to the fact you didn’t value her graduation for what it is.

  640. David W. Cooney*

    What struck me was how the reader made an exception for one employee’s concert tickets on the basis of money being spent, but gave no consideration for the time and money the other employee spent to graduate.

  641. Will Robertson*

    (Caveat: I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.)

    Uh , last time I checked there are costs associated with a cap and gown when graduating.

  643. Nina-Marie*

    THANK YOU for sharing this letter and your response!! So many times, managers develop an “Its all about me” attitude and forget that without their team there is no one to manage. Why is it that so many exemplary employees are taken for granted and not given common courtesies? This manager was so clueless that she even went as far as to complain to you, thinking that you were going to back her up. CLUELESS. My opinion, for what its worth, is that the employee was well rid of this supervisor and should find someone who deserves her.

  645. S. Davis*

    I bet he was friends with that person who had the concert tickets and it was probably a man too- this “manager” sounds like he is sexist and just has no clue as to how people feel about him or how he does things. The employees that always come in for others, stays late, comes in early, and never complains are the ones who get screwed all the time and have to work all the weekends and all of the holidays when the whiny complainers that come in late, no show, call in “sick” twice a month, and never help cover other people are the ones who are getting all the ‘perks’ and treated great because nobody wants to ruffle their feathers and hear them complain.
    So very frustrating and that’s why amazing employees quit.

  646. Jessie*

    I keep noticing comments that refer to the manager as a “he”–nowhere does it say the manager’s male. Let’s remember that men and women should be equally considered when regarding those in higher levels of employment (and that both sexes can be equally horrible at their jobs). Man, woman, donkey–whoever treated this woman this way should be demoted/fired and new graduate should be offered the management position–she clearly understands the importance of priorities!

  647. Darlene*

    I applaud the employee that did not miss her graduation. I took online classes for 3 years and worked full time. There was no way I was going to miss crossing that stage to get my degree! I definitely think the manager needs to re-prioritize how she decided who is let off work. Concert tickets vs college graduation ceremony? Come on now! Bad leadership decision and the loss of her best employee on top of that!

  648. Nerak*

    Too bad you can’t track her down for her to get a copy with regard to references….it does not get any better than this.

  649. Angela*

    A graduation is an very important event. Most offices would mark the occasion for their employee with a cake or at least a card. If I was her manager, I would have given her the whole day off to allow her to really celebrate her accomplishments vs. rushing back to work. Next, I would have personally found someone to cover that shift and/or covered it myself if no one was available. As her manager, if I ended up working the shift because no one was available, I would use that opportunity to work beside my team and learn first-hand if business operations could be further improved. It’s a fact that by respecting and valuing employees, a company and its management will discover improved company morale, increased production and overall brand loyalty.

  650. Extremely disappointed :(*

    Wow is all I got. How did this manager ever get into management? You let someone switch shifts because they had concert tickets? there was a cost? but you fail to understand the cost in dollars and time for the poor employee who went back to school, performed well enough to graduate AND cover for every other selfish employee on your floor? I am baffled. I would have personally covered their shift as a manager AND I would have considered a card of congratulations for a job obviously well done.

    Shame on you

  651. Rachel C.*

    Yes, especially because if anyone’s going to teach the employee about professional norms, it shouldn’t be this manager. The higher-ups at this company should look into managerial training for the OP.

    As a manager of a large part-time staff, I have a number of staff who are putting themselves through college. There’s a general understanding that if they can find a better job than this one–good for them! No one wants to be working at a part-time job forever, and managers who don’t understand that (there are, sadly, many of them out there–I’ve worked for them) need a reality check.

  652. Riki S*

    When I was younger and working in the service industry, I had a similar. I actually got fired (I should have quit on the spot). I was maid of honor at my sisters wedding and requested the time off far in advance. Of course I got scheduled for that weekend and they said I needed to find someone to fill my shift. I, of course couldn’t find one, and I was honest and said, I’m sorry but I won’t miss my sister’s wedding. So I got fired. 20 years later I still think of that time. I wish I would have quit like this woman.

  653. Parrish*

    One thing that it looks like everyone else missed, by the way: stop calling this woman a “team member”. It’s obvious that neither you nor any of her coworkers ever considered her to be one.

  654. This is Not My Real Name*

    This scenario, including the manager’s letter, is something I can easily see happening at several places I’ve worked, particularly call centers and retail.

    Where I am now, I have been almost six years, and I would be considered the most junior employee. The reason is because there is generally only 1 person in my role at any time, and it’s hard to move out of any department at our organization. Further, when people DO quit, our company often doesn’t fill those roles, instead opting to move the duties of that job onto other people at or below the same job level (until they absolutely can’t do so anymore, then they might hire a temp). So, the employee’s job duties may expand, but often with no recognition in status, title, or pay. I think it’s a sign of a highly dysfunctional organization, but I can absolutely see this scenario happening.

    When I worked in retail and call centers, this would be fairly common, even. Many of the places I’ve worked put the onus to find coverage in the event of a major event or illness on the employee, not on the manager.

  655. JinMD*

    I haven’t seen anyone mention yet that the OP said this employee was the “go to” person for weekends and holidays. This woman gave up weekends and holidays *every single time* the OP asked, since the OP mentioned this employee never missed a day of work in SIX years. She asks for ONE exception, and the OP’s answer was no. Unbelievable.

    You don’t shaft your best employee. You don’t put a burden on them to do all the extra work because you are a bad manager and can’t get your other employees to pull their weight. You don’t ask the SAME PERSON to fill in for all weekends and holidays. Just because she’s a foster child and has no family, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have other things she wants to do. If she has no friends that you know of, perhaps it is because she kept working all those hours you gave her and she didn’t have the time to build strong, lasting relationships and a support network. She covered for ALL the other employees and not a one offered to help her out. She was being used and abused, you failed to see it and right the wrong, and she left.

    Good for her!

    1. Parrish*

      Definitely. I’m sure this woman had felt increasingly taken for granted as time went by. All the other “team members” looking out for each other but not for her, manager exploiting her as she saw fit, all of it. That’s what I was talking about in another comment where I said that the manager needs to stop referring to this woman as a “team member”. It’s obvious that the manager and other employees think of themselves as a team and of this woman as an outsider to be used as a doormat.

      The manager was going to make this person miss her college graduation. Make her MISS her COLLEGE GRADUATION. Even though I’ve had some pretty seriously abusive bosses in the past, I’m still astonished by this.

  656. Dee*

    I have to be very honest and say that even though you believe that her resigning on the spot was unprofessional I read this post and it was clear to me that you did not truly value this employee and I applaud her for knowing her own worth and value. You described a model employee, someone who was loyal for six years, the go to person for you when you needed her? I support her decision 100%. This woman you say has been through the trenches and has been committed to rising above her circumstances to be a loyal, dependable and responsible employee. She needs to hours to attend her own graduation ceremony from college and she is told she can’t be granted the time to attend. I applaud her for having the courage and faith to do what she did because she did the right thing. It is sad that you and supervisor’s like you don’t bend over backwards the way these types of employees bend over backwards for you all. Let’s do the math here a six year, loyal, responsible, dependable, reliable hard working employee needs two hours of time away from a project to participate in a milestone in her journey in life and you should have backed her regardless of seniority as she in your own words sounds like someone who deserves to be rewarded for her performance. I too am a very hardworking, dedicated employee who has experienced being not appreciated in the work place. I see people getting away with all kinds of things that I would never even attempt to do just out of having a conscious and great work ethics however it seems that the people who don’t have the same work ethics as I do or those who could care less and just show up for a paycheck are the ones who are well liked and given the royal treatment. I don’t feel sorry for you at all for what reason would I? It also concerns me that not one of her coworkers would not fill in for her knowing that she had such a important event to attend. Sounds like a place that I would not want to work. This woman is obviously not even appreciated by her coworkers, what happened to “teamwork”? Well lets see how long it takes before the bickering and conflicts in the office begin, whenever a true leader exits the building the exposure will begin. Seniority has nothing to do with work ethics, when I get my own business I will be looking to hire someone like this employee. P.S. you don’t need to reach out to her to advise her of anything as I have a feeling her walking away was the best thing she could have ever done. She will be just fine.

  657. Tom*

    If she was the best employee, the MANAGER should have taken her place. In fact, if it had been me, I’d ask if she had a ride to the ceremony and driven her there before work and done whatever would be necessary to get her back to the job afterwards.

    Step up and take personal responsibility if you’re in charge.

  658. Parrish*

    So you as the manager basically said, “I’m making a special exception for Jane Smith so she can go see Justin Bieber, but not for you to go to your own college graduation ceremony.” And you really can’t understand why your so-called “team member” got angry?

  659. Ben*

    I told my dad about this today, and he was just like “managers sometimes have to make tough decisions.” After the culmination of many things, today marks the day I lost the day I lost all respect for my dad.

  660. Games*

    I believe that is messed up and bad management….i have a similar problem my store manager asked me to come in in my day off when someone couldn’t come in for there shift because i was with a really good freind i havnt seen in a very long time….this happend 2 times were they thought because i didnt have another job they think i have no life and can come in on there whim….needles to say i work so hard my sales numbers are great im one of the best salesman in my store…i should have gotten promoted but because i have a life and cant cover a 4 hour shift i couldnt get promoted….my store manager told me your friends are more important then your job and thats why you wont get promoted….its such shit because the other employess couldnt come in so basically someone gets my position after being there for less then a month….what do you guys think?

  661. henry kisinger*

    I absolutely have to leave a comment-which I never have done. This particular post has really angered me and made me sad. It seems that every exception could be made for everyone else in this office but for this poor girl. Clearly the employer does not value the importance of education. I hope you enjoy not having your best employee around-it is you who should offer an apology to her. What poor management. Also in what world is a concert a more valid excuse than a college graduation?

  662. Ss*

    What a horrible manager! I’ve worked for some doozies but I would have walked out and never turned back too.

  663. Parrish*

    Alison, did you ever hear back from this manager? I’d very much like to hear what, if anything, she has to say and whether anything else happened after this, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

  664. Ash*

    I am absolutely disgusted by this manager. In what world is a concert more important than a college graduation. I personally did not go to my graduation ceremony and attend 10+ concerts a year and I can see this. College costs an exponential amount of money and most of the time you do have to pay to walk. On top of that, how in the world is someone who has been there 6 years at low seniority!?!? are you saying in 6 years you haven’t hired anybody else?

  665. Dave*

    FANTASTIC article! I know it’s sometimes hard, but there are once-in-a-lifetime events that you cannot take from people. And I think a graduation has a greater significance than a concert – someone can sell concert tickets, but they can’t re-schedule a graduation.

    At the same time, EVERYONE needs to learn that THEY are in charge of their life! If your boss/company says or does something you don’t like, MOVE ON! GET A NEW JOB! Sure, you may have to sell one of your cars, or cancel a vacation, or prepare yourself by having some money in the bank, but it’s YOUR LIFE.

    Too many people let JOBS and LIFESTYLE control their lives. *GET OUT OF DEBT and your life changes! I promise!!

  666. Joe Markey*

    I’m surprised the original poster is even employed. Sadly I see poor judgement by managers all too often.

    You should have realized the importance of this event to your employee and acted like a leader and found some other option granting this request. Just from the posting you could have comped the employee for the cost of concernt tickets, make one of the group of friends that was part of the “in-crowd” cover for her. You could have also sat in her chair yourself and covered for her. Certainly there were other options. There always are.

    By your own admission she was by far your best employee, even more reason to bend over backwards and let her experience this once in a lifetime event.

    No one wants to work for unsupportive manager. Glad she quit on the spot and many “normal” people would do exactly just that.

    Hopefully you call her and she reads you the riot act, as is so rightfully deserved.

  667. Adrienne*

    I also applaud the woman for quitting. She was the best employee. She went out of her way to be there whenshe was needed, but when she needed you she wasn’t repaid with kindness.

  668. Lucy*

    I really hope she reads this and realizes most people are shocked by original poster… Nicely said.

  669. Kelly*

    I would offer this person a job based solely on the the OP letter of recommendation. As for the OP, first impressions count in this case and I doubt that a call would be made to schedule an interview. Lucky the OP currently has a job.

  670. Tanj*

    That is a horrible manager. She should have been understanding. Attending a graduation is extremely important. She doesn’t deserve to work for that awful human and manager.

    The manager should have been able to accommodate her, even if that means the manager herself has to cover for her.

    I almost feel like this was a joke because what professional manager would do that to someone?!!!!

    1. Everett*

      I was thinking the exact same thing it almost seemed too harsh but I suppose there are some pretty unethical people out there like that.

  672. Chris*

    Sadly, this is all too common. My former coworker at my previous job as a cashier when I was in college experienced something very similar to this.

    This was not at my job. My coworker was a very nice and easy-going college girl who worked a second job in addition to the job we both worked at. Her manager at her other job, according to her, was a real tyrant (she actually used that word). Her manager would always tell her that her “job comes first”. Yes, before family. Before your kids, babies, and even emergencies. Before your spouse. Before your elderly parents. Before any religious observance. And even before your health. If you were sick with chronic cancer, this manager wouldn’t give a rat’s ass. It’s your job before anything else.

    The sad part about all this was that my coworker’s manager was also a mother with young kids. According to my coworker, she would put her job before her kids. My guess was that if her kids were sick, had piano lessons (or the like), had an important soccer game or school play… you name it…, she wouldn’t care. She would be at her job because it is more important than her family.

    Then one day, my coworker had an emergency. Her mother had to go to the hospital because of a severe illness. Since this was sudden without warning and her mom couldn’t drive, she had to take her mom to the hospital. There was no time to call her dad as her mom needed help immediately, so she couldn’t wait for her dad to come home and risk it. She called out of work as a result in order to help her mom. Instead of sympathy from the manager, her manager yelled at her and gave her a lecture over the phone, using the same excuse as it has always been: “Your job comes first!”. Like seriously? Her mom needed to go to the hospital NOW, and all you can do is think about your job?! From my understanding of this, she should just go to work and let her mom suffer. That is just wrong. But she proceeded to call out and get on with it. Luckily, her mother is okay now but it was a real ordeal for her. The next day, she was fired for having her priorities “out of whack”. Just wow. Her mother had to go to the hospital and her priorities were “out of whack”? The manager was the one out of whack here!

    Anyway, when she told the story to us at my workplace shortly after, we were all in disbelief. Our manager at the job we both work at heard this as well and said that was simply not right. Lucky for us, our manager was much more understanding than her other one. Not surprisingly, my coworker was not shocked or upset about getting fired. She was actually relieved. Good for her. She deserved better.

    Luckily for me, I never had any managers like this. But it just goes to show you that some people should not be in management. And the sad part about all this is that there are people like this all over the place.

  674. Emily*

    Wow, maybe you will learn from looking your BEST employee. Shame on you for trying to take away a celebration she worked so hard for – I wouldn’t work for you either.

  675. Johnny_Longblade*

    LOL!
    I’m always ready to quit on the spot if need be!
    All you managers can go fock yourselves!
    Not professional…bahahahahaha!
    I spit on your professionalism!
    I can always get another job (yeah, I’m that good!) so that’s why I never take shit from anyone!
    Just the other day, the manager of my manager called me to talk about my holidays, because my direct manager was too afraid to tell me that I can’t take 2 weeks off.
    I told him that they can worry who will handle the process for 2 weeks or they can worry who will handle it for 3 months while a new person will be trained.
    Guess who is having 2 weeks vacation!

    P.S. Also, I’m not afraid to punch a manager in the face, but that’s just me ;)

  676. Milla*

    I hope the young lady in question enjoyed every bit of triumph she deserved for her achievement.
    …And then I hope she took copies of all of the proof of her exceptional work ethic and dedication and then sent it to her supervisor’s boss’s boss, along with a calm explanation that the company’s failure to accommodate a 2 hour special circumstance request with ample notice was unreasonable and implies that the company does not support its employees, education, or employee advancement. Which is disappointing and the direct reason why she left. Then asked that they ensure the supervisor does not provide a poor reference.
    With her new degree and 6 years of stellar performance, I hope she lands a supervisor position of her own!

  677. Sara*

    I read this when it came out in July, and just revisited it. I am STILL mad about how the OP handled this situation. What a lousy supervisor. So glad that this hardworking woman, who clearly has a lot of fortitude and grace, got away from this awful workplace and terrible manager.

  678. Robert Bobby*

    “I did intervene and switch one person’s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved.”

    Yeah, because college is free and there are not costs involved in attending a graduation ceremony. What if the employee had to pay to rent a cap and gown? Or what if she had friends or family attending and they had to pay for tickets to the ceremony? Or what if those friends and family lived across the country and had paid travel expenses to attend? Geez Louise. I can’t believe this manager would be flexible about attending a concert, but not flexible about attending a milestone ceremony.

    1. Parrish Knight*

      That was my reaction as well. I finally finished my bachelor’s degree at the ripe old age of… well, let’s just say I was on the wrong side of forty. ;-) When it was time for me to walk across that stage, there would have been no [lovemaking] way in [the bad afterlife place] that I would have allowed anyone to stop me. Fortunately, no one tried to.

  679. valereee*

    I would love to hear an update from this OP. I hope they won’t feel they can’t update us because of all the stuff that’s come down on them. I really want to hear that they maybe took a step back, re-evaluated, and realized they hadn’t had their head in the right place when looking at the situation.

  680. Rebeca*

    As a manager of 10 yrs. Boss you were very wrong. You made an exception for an employee believing that concert tickets are more impo because of the cost??? Your best employee. I applaud her for quitting she has her head on straight. She did what an assertive person who knows what they want would do.

  681. Nobody*

    I didn’t notice if this worker gave her boss (the OP) enough notice when asking, but thats important, then theres also events like birthdays or what ever. Some people say they will work a shift anyways even though its their birthday or what ever event it is if it’s important (like a funeral or wedding), but I believe these events are mandatory only if they give notice.

    But I think that if your best worker is a young adult, its pretty typical for these kinds of people to just quit all because of this kind of thing. They just dont care.

    They should be given the time off.

  682. Brandi*

    Most managers are paid salary and not by the hour. If I was the manager, knowing I would not have to pay overtime, and knowing I could create a positive atmosphere, I would have allowed both to go, stepped up to the plate and got my hands dirty so to speak by working the two extra hours on their behalf.

    It is called team work!

  683. Amber Nash*

    From your own words, this young lady overcame so many obstacles to reach that graduation and she performed at an exceptional level too. I would imagine cost was involved for her to receive the stellar accomplishment of a college degree. I think that cost most likely exceeded the cost of concert tickets as well. I am a working professional, full time student, and a single mother. I look forward to the day that I am able to officially celebrate my accomplishment of earning a college degree by attending my own graduation. I am trying to understand why you could not see the importance of this particular event for what you stated yourself was your best employee. I understand that you have worked hard to be where you are too and that certainly makes your career important, but I would just ask you to consider the discouragement she felt in that moment you minimized one of her biggest accomplishments. There are so many businesses who would appreciate a woman with her professional drive and obvious work ethic. I would also like to point out the fact you sought the advice of others, which means in some way you questioned the situation in general. That decision shows that you were doing what you felt best at the time. We are only human, which means we are imperfect creatures who all make mistakes in one way or another. I would assume forums such as this one are to be used as a tool for sdvice so that we may learn from the decisions or mistakes we make. Your position requires that you make decisions for the overall benefit of the company , and I am sure your intent was to run things smoothly as your career no doubt would entail. From a management perspective, that most likely puts an individual into difficult choices time to time. Unfortunately, I seem to think that this scenario is maybe one that could go as a mistake you are hopefully able to learn from.

  684. Stephanie H.*

    This manager was very foolish. Your best employee, but you didn’t respect her like it. She tried so hard to be such a great employee, but you wouldn’t go to bat for her even that once and either agree to the late start (heck, I’d have wanted the whole day off, not just two hours!) in support of something important in her life, or speak to your other employees and tell them someone HAS to take that shift, voluntarily or you’d be assigning at random. And in the end, I can’t believe how blind this person is… They wanted to contact her to teach her a lesson, yet she should have taught them one even more so – respect your “best employee(s)” else risk losing them.

    Lowest seniority also seems like a terrible way to schedule for would-be off-day shifts like that. Not-so-great employees with higher seniority are just sitting there with it made and not having to participate much, if at all, while someone who’d been there six years, not six months, is the best worker yet is taking the brunt of it simply because for *six years* no one else has come along (or remained) behind her. The only difference here then is luck in the date of hiring. Next time… maybe consider drawing names from a hat for who gets those shifts, with the current ‘winners’ excluded , if there are enough employees, from the drawing for the following week (but returned to the hat for the next one).

  685. Sera*

    GREAT RESPONSE! The fact that this manager was willing to let someone attend a concert and refuse their best employee from attending their own graduation ceremony knowing her personal story is very concerning and doesn’t make any sense to me. Shows a great lack of understanding and compassion.

  686. Terri Sorenson*

    What you did was really wrong. I would have quit too. She was your best employee who never missed a day, and you couldn’t grant her just a few hours to graduate? Work is forever; you only graduate once. You weren’t using an ounce of critical thinking skills there. Let this be a lesson to you

  687. Ivy*

    The manager was horrible, and I would have done the same thing. In fact, I have! Besides, employers don’t give an employee notice via their ‘at will’ priviledges to let someone go, and they don’t have to even give a reason. So, why then, do employees have to give management the same consideration? The Golden Rule: Treat those as you wish to be treated! When bosses act professional, then and only then, expect employees to!

  688. Vincent Munos*

    I love the whole “they had concert tickets that they had already paid for” bit. So, the cost of her tuition and all the sweat equity she put in to pass her classes count for nothing in your eyes? Wow. AND she was a top performer on top of that. Geez Louise.

  689. Janet Stewart*

    Does anyone else see the bias from this manager? All he sees is a homeless/foster baby he thinks he is also entitled to abuse.

  690. bill black*

    2 hours? I assume the manager would be there too- I’d have just covered it. For me personally, the loss of $,
    in view of college costs- – I bet the employee knew what kind of mgr. she had- and was actively seeking better employment- remember the co. is not your friend.

  691. JDenino*

    I got my first job in 1980 and frankly I am apalled at how management treats their employees nowadays. My son works in a supermarket and they won’t let him leave early to go to the doctor. They are little more than slavedrivers. He also isn’t given health benefits and his hours and days change from week to week. The Republican party has allowed the maltreatment of employees and eroded their rights drastically over the last 37 years.

  692. About2Quit*

    I am going through the same situation with my boss, I work soo hard, harder than anyone in the company (and all my colleagues see it, and constantly try to encourage and motivate me) It’s gotten to the point where I feel that I am doing the managers job, and everytime I ask the actual managers (there are 2) for help, I recieve very little to none…. or they forget and I have to constantly remind them. I am a supervisor and I make sacrifices for my best employees, even going as far as covering shifts for them…if it is important. I am glad your “best” employee quit because you do not deserve her. I am thinking of the doing the same.

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