knowledge swap! share your expertise with people here

by Alison Green on March 22, 2018

Are you good at something and willing to share that expertise with others here? Here’s what I propose for a change of pace:

1. In the comment section below, name something you’re really good at that you’d be willing to answer questions about. It could be Excel, or financial planning, or make-up recommendations, or resolving customer service problems, or anything else that you’re awesome at and willing to take questions on.

2. Ask questions of others, and answer the questions people ask of you.

3. Feel free to leave calls for expertise too — like “how do I get rid of hanging indents in Word?” or “how do I keep people from falling asleep in my presentations?”

If all goes well, then at the end of the day, you will have helped other people and been helped yourself.

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{ 3,473 comments }

{ 3,473 comments… read them below }

    1. Sailor Bee*

      I’m always so tempted by the ridiculous amount of savings couponers seem to get, but do you find that the time required is worth it? (Assuming you have the money to pay full price). What if you don’t have the room to store bulk purchases?

      1. Temperance*

        For me, I genuinely consider it a hobby. It is a time commitment, but I really love doing it.

        I have limited space to store things, so what I tend to do is donate extra stuff to a local foster care org, and I sent my sister care packages as well.

      2. Z*

        Also a couponer — you have to remember that the Infamous Coupon Show was mostly a lie. Stores bent their rules and some couponers misused the coupons (or used counterfeit coupons). Additionally, due to that Infamous Coupon Show, stores and manufacturers have really cracked down on abuses. I find, anymore, I can’t get much free before smartphone rebate apps (ibotta, Fetch, Checkout 51).

    2. Emily S.*

      What are your favorite sources for coupons?

      I already use coupons-dot-com, and RedPlum, coupon sherpa, and sometimes Lozo.

      Are there other good ones? I also use the store apps to get manufacturer coupons, which is nice.

      1. Temperance*

        I get most of mine from my free local paper! I’m really lucky in that the free paper near me has coupon inserts.

        1. Hills to Die on*

          Have you tried sending emails to brands that you really love? I don’t coupon so much anymore but some of the best ones I ever got were from writing a note to companies about products I love, telling them I am a loyal customer, and asking for any other coupons they have. Free jumbo sizes of X, Y and Z products with no expiration date ever? Yes, please!

      2. Swagbucks girl*

        Have you tried swagbucks? It’s a site where you can use it as a search engine, or for on line shopping, etc. and you earn “swagbucks” which you can later redeem for real gift cards. I’ve been using swagbucks for four or five years and have earned $600, and I”m not that active with it. You can earn points just for printing and then more points for using coupons. I’ll often print extra coupons (get more points) for things I don’t use and leave those coupons for others to use in the store – when they redeem them I get more points and they get the savings. Win/win. I have a referral link, but it’s probably not ok to share here?

        1. Temperance*

          LOVE SWAGBUCKS. I’m on the team currently in the lead for this team challenge! Swagbucks is my “fun money”, so to speak. $50 – $75/month that I can guilt-free blow on random stuff.

    3. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      How do you keep a rein on coupon shopping to ensure that you’re buying things you actually need as opposed to stuff that has a great coupon? How flexible do you wind up being in terms of “I need X but Y is similar and has an offer”?

      1. SheLooksFamiliar*

        Tell it, Sister. I am still trying to use up cleaning products that found their way into my utility closet 3 years ago because I just had to use a coupon!

      2. Temperance*

        This honestly took some practice! I definitely went overboard at first, but learned to rein it in. I also donate a lot to my local foster care org, so even if it’s something that I can’t use or don’t like, it will get used. (I primarily coupon personal care stuff and makeup.)

        I’m not as hardcore as some couponers are. I remember one woman on a coupon forum commenting about how she used baby formula as coffee creamer because she got it for free, even though she hated it. That’s too far for me. I’m always willing to try new brands, but I mostly stick to my favorites.

        1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          I wish I could share the face I’m making right now at the formula-as-creamer story. EWWWWW!

        2. Hills to Die on*

          Have you tried the buy-one-get-one free coupon with a buy-one-get-one-free sale? You get both for free. Those were always my favorite.

          Plus the ones where you combine the store and manufacturer coupons and end up making money on the product. Like if it was $0.79 item and you have a store coupon for $0.50 off and a manufacturer coupoon for $0.50 off, then you made $0.21 cents when you bought the item. I got way to excited about that stuff.

          1. Temperance*

            Um, yes, those are my favorite! That’s actually what got me into couponing. I had a very boring volunteer job manning the box office at a community theater, so I taught myself how to coupon then.

          2. Media Monkey*

            i am always so surprised when i see you can do that in the US (yes, we get those extreme couponing TV shows too). In the UK, T&Cs on coupons generally say that they cannot be used in conjunction with another offer.

            1. Hills to Die on*

              Many places do that, but you have to know which ones will. I used to carry around a copy of the stores’ coupon policies in my coupon binder because sometimes the cashiers don’t realizes what is allowable and what isn’t.

        3. atalanta0jess*

          O.M.G.

          Formula is so gross and stinky. I cannot even imagine.

          (This is not formula shaming! I fed it to my baby, I think it’s great that it exists and is used for babies to eat. I just don’t think it smells good.)

          1. Temperance*

            Oh it smells TERRIBLE. I’ve fed many babies, some of them formula, and the sickly sweet milky smell is just Not For Me.

      3. Not So NewReader*

        When I was heavily into couponing, I started by writing my list first. I would use the sale flyers and put together meals for the week. Once I got that part figured out, then I would go to the coupon bin and start pulling out coupons.
        Once in a while I would buy several of something but not that often. The reduction in price would have to 75% or greater to get me to do that. I guess that was the big deciding factor I made for myself, if the savings was 75% or more then I could cut loose and buy a quantity.

        I think I was motivated by watching my parents. They were depression kids and really did not understand where to draw the line. What happened was we would have 10 bottles of ketchup and only one person used ketchup once or twice a month. It really made me think about how much money was tied up in stuff that was not being used. It’s not much different than throwing money in the garbage if you think about it.

        Other ways I drew my line was “how many of these will fit on the shelf in the cupboard?” This helped with paper goods because it’s so easy to get carried away. My husband was a diabetic so this also helped to limit what I bought. My last question was, “How much of this will I use in the next three months?” For just the two of us, 6 boxes of spaghetti was plenty.

        Of course I crunched the numbers for the year to see how I was doing. At that time we allotted approximately $2500 per year for food. I covered $1000 of that bill with coupons even though I had some kind of tough rules. I did this for probably the first 8 years we were married.

    4. saravonbam*

      What do I do if I don’t subscribe to newspapers and don’t receive the weekly coupon inserts like Red Plum and SmartSource? Whenever I browse Krazy Coupon Lady it seems like you need those manufacturer coupons and store-specific circulars to get the best deals. (I live in NYC so subscribing to a local newspaper would be pretty expensive.)

      1. KL*

        I’m not sure about smart source, but you can get red plum’s coupons online as well. They are about to move over to retailmenot-dot-com.

      2. Temperance*

        I typically get my coupons from the free local paper. There used to be a website where you could find which papers include coupon inserts. I’ll see if I can remember what it was!

        1. Hills to Die on*

          I also remember hearing about people who swing by the local recycling center and get a truckload of coupon inserts for free…I never did it but seemed like they were super happy about it.

      3. a-no*

        If you have preferred brands, often you can sign up for coupon emails directly from their website!
        I have a main email, then a ‘junk’ email which I use for store discounts etc etc so it doesn’t spam my main email.

      4. Not So NewReader*

        People around here buy the Sunday paper. So many people do this that stores have signs up that say, “limit 10 Sunday papers per customer.”

        I also asked a friend to save coupons for me. She got coupons on a regular basis from her paper. OMG, she gave me so. many. coupons. Back when I had to use a laundry mat, the place I went to had a coupon bin. You take what you will use and drop of what you don’t want.

    5. pmac*

      Do I have to print out the coupons I find online or does showing them on my phone work? Do you have any favorite apps?

      1. Temperance*

        It depends on the store, but generally, you need to print. I actually don’t use many apps, other than those for my local grocery stores.

    6. Snargulfuss*

      In my short bouts of couponing I’ve found that coupons are mostly for processed foods that I don’t buy a lot of. Is trying to coupon worth it if I’m mostly just buying produce, meat, and grains?

      1. Temperance*

        I primarily coupon for personal care products, but you can definitely save money on what you buy at the grocery store, just by shopping the circulars and buying what’s on sale.

      2. memyselfandi*

        Same here. I will find a coupon sometimes for a staple like olive oil , but I have to be careful to check that the coupon item isn’t more expensive than another brand of equal quality, even with the coupon. Also, I have found that when they are running coupons for pharmacy items such as ibuprofen or antibiotic cream, that the pharmacy chain is promoting their store brand for cheaper than the brand item with the coupon discount. Still, I always check the circulars and a few times a month I save a few cents , and a penny is a penny.

      3. Hills to Die on*

        Keep note of the store sales. There are different sales for Sunday through Tuesday that are way better than the rest of the week. That’s usually how I got the best deals on produce.

        I hope you don’t mind my chiming in, Temperance. I am just now realizing how much I miss couponing….

        1. Admin Amber*

          How do you get fresh produce and meat? I see coupons for bottled, boxed, canned items mostly. Do you just shop what is on sale that week for produce and meat? The TLC shows I have seen the people are buying a lot of packaged goods, but I rarely see fresh items in their cart.

          1. Temperance*

            There are some people who are excellent at getting “overages” (where the coupon is worth more than the price of an item, basically), and they use the overages to cover pay for produce and meat. I’m not quite that hardcore, so I tend to buy what I want, but I will stock up on meat at sales, for example.

    1. sometimeswhy*

      Oh hey there. I don’t understand exactly what it is that Salesforce does. Is there a short but explanatory version? I freely admit that it’s probably rooted in my paradigm–like if my profession was anywhere in a venn diagram with yours I might–but I have… no clue.

      1. Salesforce Admin*

        In the simplest terms, Salesforce is essentially a tool that allows companies to streamline data and processes internally and externally. . It can do pretty much (within limits) anything you want for it to do, depending on your company and industry. Your Salesforce experience is only as good as the implementation and processes you set in place for it, if that makes sense :)

        1. sometimeswhy*

          Is it specifically geared toward sales? Or can it apply to other customer-like relationships? If so, is there an example you can give of that sort of thing?

          1. Salesforce Admin*

            Sales is a great example of how it’s being used, but lots of non-profits use Salesforce, as well as higher education spaces. Another Salesforce use is as a self-service portal through something called Communities- companies use Communities to interact with their internal employees, clients, and vendors.

            1. H*

              Agreed, we use Salesforce for the homeless charity I work for, it is very adaptable. We’re currently working on a project to make it even more customised to our services (biggest thing I am currently losing sleep over, roll out is in July!)

            2. M-C*

              Excellent for nonprofits! You can keep track of members, donors, vendors, all kinds of contacts, grouping them, keeping decent notes and histories.. It’s a great help dealing with the volunteer turnover that’s pretty much inevitable.

          2. GG*

            Hi!
            We use Salesforce at my job in the capacity described by Salesforce Admin below, and also as a tool to aggregate logistics and data from conferences/events we attend/host (location, dates, registration status, email campaign- specs/deployment/status, etc.) We also use it to sync data from our email marketing campaigns in order to track leadgen and a plethora of other things. Hope this helps and doesn’t confuse you more!

          3. Lucky*

            I recently completed an implementation of a contract management system (Apttus) on the Salesforce platform. It’s pretty cool.

            1. Green Tea Lover*

              Hello! Fellow Apttus and Salesforce admin user here :) Thought I would say hi!

              Are you guys using it for contract management only, any CPQ?

          4. Admin 4 Life*

            We use salesforce to track contracts and agreements for a research university. It’s versatile enough to track contract costs, contacts, save pdf copies of those contracts, etc. so the whole company has access to the same data.

          5. H.C.*

            We’ve used Salesforce to streamline data collection processes in clinical trials (which extra useful with our field workers, since it makes sure they ask all the proper questions & get the proper samples from our study participants)

    2. PieInTheBlueSky*

      Is there a recommended best practice for what to do with old leads and opportunities in SF? For example, if we determine a lead is never going to lead to a sale, can we delete it from SF? How soon can it be deleted? Or should it be kept permanently in SF for data reporting purposes? We don’t use reports much today, but might in the future. Would deleting data like this skew the reports we create?

      1. Salesforce Admin*

        Without knowing about your company and industry needs, it depends :)

        For leads and opportunities being deleted, that’ll depend on your business processes- technology wise, they can be deleted ASAP. You could create a stage for the old opportunities or use one of the pre-existing stages. Something like closed-lost, or possibly archived. You wouldn’t be able to create stages for leads, but depending on your business needs, exporting the leads/opportunities as a backup might make sense if you decide that after a certain time period, they’re cluttering up the system.

        For your reports question: As with everything, it depends on how much historical data there is and how much you rely on it. If you really wanted a backup, you could use Data Loader or possibly reports to export those old leads or opportunities.

        1. PieInTheBlueSky*

          Thanks to you and Yep, me again for your replies! I’m on the admin side, so deleting anything makes me a bit nervous, but deletion is something our users requested to make their jobs easier. We could probably find a way to hide the old data, but it would probably require some user retraining or readjustment, and since we don’t even have full user adoption of SF yet, I think that anything that encourages user involvement is the best path for now.

        2. M-C*

          Keeping track of old leads that led nowhere can be a great time saver.. and avoid re-annoying them all over again.

      2. Yep, me again*

        We used to save them to a campaign and it removed them from the contact view, however, whatever you are using to draw in those leads needs to have parameters in place so you don’t get spambots or something like a person using fXXX you @ badwords.com. Something like that.

        1. Yep, me again*

          or you could go with what salesforce admin said. I was just an end-user and at first the company/marketing didn’t want us to delete leads ever, hence the campaign.

    3. Hearing Unchallenged*

      Hi Salesforce admin! Thank you for stopping by. Quick question (well, maybe not – you’d be the judge of that, haha!): Is there a way to connect Google AdWords to SFDC so you can see pay-per-click metrics in an SFDC report? AdWords has a SFDC > AdWords connector but I need it to work the other way around, from Adwords > SFDC. Could you point me to where I can research this?

      In return, I’m happy to answer any search engine marketing questions you may have.

      Thanks in advance!

      1. Salesforce Admin*

        Hmmm, off the top of my head, your best bet might be the AppExchange. Are you using Marketing Cloud?

        1. Hearing Unchallenged*

          AppExchange! Of course! Found the plugin I needed. Thank you so much!

          Also, you may answered this in part before, but is there a learning curve to Lightning?

          1. KatieK*

            Only 2x certified here to not as qualified to answer as OP but here’s my experience:

            From an admin standpoint: YES. There is more to customize and much of it works differently/unexpectedly if you’re used to working with Classic pages/layouts/apps

            From a user standpoint: There’s definitely an adjustment period, but as long as your implementation is good Lightning should actually be more intuitive for your users than Classic. One major upgrade for users is search, which IMO is much better in Lightning.

    4. Liz Lemon*

      oooh! how to i set my default to “show fewer updates” when i enter an opportunity/account. I hate having to scroll past it each time; it’s always such inane activity, like “Liz Lemon changed amount form $5 to $5.50”

      Thanks!!

    5. Trillion*

      I have much respect for you; SalesForce is a beast. I threatened to quit my job when they hinted that they wanted me to take on SalesForce responsibility (without any training).

    6. neutral nancy*

      Do you have recommendations on training/free resources one can use to get way up to speed on the new lightning workflows? I’m starting to feel lost and I don’t want to fall behind or be the one nagging my internal SF expert all the time!

    7. Rita*

      Maybe oddly specific but I couldn’t find this on google: do datetime calculations give results in hours? Days?

      1. Salesforce Admin*

        So sorry, I just saw this now! I actually do- the app my team and I are building uses NPSP quite a bit!

  3. UX Designer*

    I’m a UX Designer. I broke in to this role without any previous experience. Happy to answer questions for anyone looking to work in this field. It’s super #trendy right now and I have OPINIONS about all the of the classes, courses and bootcamps that are popping up.

      1. UX Designer*

        Personally I don’t think of the high-priced bootcamps are worth it for UX. The field is changing all the time. On the other hand, people who do a few online tutorials and call themselves “ux designers” aren’t legitimate either. The best thing you can do is spend time trying to get actual experience. Most cities have meet ups and professional groups that would be more helpful. Yes, there are some skills you can learn (certain programs, best practices, etc) but UX is a lot more about how you think. So prioritize activities, experiences and groups that make you think. Don’t shell out for expensive classes.

    2. Bekx*

      Oooo! Me! Me! Me!

      I have my masters in UX, but it seems like all the roles I’ve been applying to and the recruiter I’ve been talking to has all said I need experience. I’m currently working as a web/graphic designer & general marketingish stuff. Any tips?

      1. UX Designer*

        Yes, experience is key. Anyone can learn the programs, but UX is about how you think, not just what you know.

        My advice would be to take some time exploring portfolios of UX designers and thinking about how you can put a UX spin on the work you do. If you’re already designing web pages, you can speak a lot to WHY you made certain decisions and HOW those decisions affected the results (ie a button being blue vs red and how that affected clicks). You can also advocate for more user testing or research of your designs and work those in to the stories you tell about the pieces in your portfolio. Lastly, look up local meetups and groups. You can often find hackathon or pro-bono projects to help boost your portfolio. Good luck!

      2. Autumnheart*

        Web design is highly relevant (or, to be more accurate, UX is highly relevant to web design).

        Look for roles in agencies and corporations. The projects themselves will involve a lot of design strategy and planning for UX and usability before development, and it’s a good way to get experience in the architectural portion of site design as opposed to, say, small business websites. Having experience in different types of CMS programs will be helpful for landing those.

    3. Current ISD/ID*

      What kind of roles did you have before and how did yuo get into UX for the first time? I’m currently an e-learning ISD/ID and a lot of the postings I look at overlap with UX work. Any tips on how I can make my current role relevant for a move over?

        1. Current ISD/ID*

          Sure. I design and write e-learning training materials. So I’ll get something like a technical manual and turn it into a computer-based course teaching the material. It includes writing the actual content and also designing the way the course looks and interacts.

          1. UX Designer*

            It sounds like you’re doing both content strategy (the materials) and them some UX work with how the course looks and interacts. If you’re doing everything from scratch, then this would be a decent UX portfolio piece. But if you’re working in a specific framework then it’s a little less UX since you don’t have total control.

            As I’ve said to others, it’s really about how you think and showing that you can solve problems. Have you ever design a course, realized people were getting stuck somewhere and then found a solution to make it work better? That’s essentially UX and if you can showcase some of that, then you’ll have some UX work under your belt.

    4. Shaima*

      YES PLEASE!! I’ve worked as a project manager and in graphic design, web development and general communications – UX is like my dream field for a variety of reasons, and I know how to use the major relevant programs, but I don’t know how to blend my relevant experience into enough experience when everyone wants portfolios. What kind of roles do you recommend looking at for a “break in” position? What are the best ways to prove knowledge of the standard UX software choices when I haven’t ever actually been paid to use them?

      1. UX Designer*

        Having a portfolio really is key but learning how to talk about your process and results in UX-speak will be really helpful. UX is not just about skills or software but also about how you think. Spend some time looking up other UX portfolios to get an idea for how people are talking about their projects. You can likely rework some of your graphic/web dev projects to put a UX spin on them while still showcasing the actual work that you did.

        As I mentioned in a few other comments, getting involved with local meetups or groups will also be really helpful. You can look for pro-bono opportunities to help you get tangible items to showcase. You can also help friends and families with an UX work they might need on their websites. The more you can help show your thought process the more you’ll have a UX body of work. Even just sketching out flows or wireframes and including those images in your portfolio will help.

        1. Shaima*

          That’s really helpful – I can definitely rework most of my graphic/web projects. Thank you!!

    5. Breaking in?*

      I’m starting a PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition/Communication) this fall. UX research is my backup plan. Any suggestions for what I should do during/after grad school to make myself more marketable?

      1. UX Researcher*

        Hi! I’m a UX Researcher here, just out of grad school, with a job. In my experience, interviewers were most concerned about work experience, though education was a plus. If you can do internships every now and then, or volunteer UX research, that would help a lot in your job search later down the line.

        1. Breaking in?*

          Should I make a point to take research methods courses? Obviously most of my coursework will be in writing/teaching, but I’m wondering if I should seek out courses that lean a certain way.

          1. UX Researcher*

            I think so. Research methods was my favorite class. It definitely helps with UX, but it can also help you choose methods for your academic research, and it will give you a broader point of view which could come in handy when reviewing the work of other academics.

      2. Melody*

        I’m interested in going towards a PhD in Rhetoric and Composition. How did you decide to go into it? Which program/school are you going to? Do you have any recommendations for which schools to look at? Did you get your Master’s and then decide to dive right into the PhD or did you spend a few years working? If the latter, what did you do? Thanks!

        1. ProfWannaBe*

          Michigan State is excellent for Rhetoric and Composition. Their PhDs have been getting great jobs at a high rate, unusually so for the job market. They get strong teaching experience in the WRAC program (Writing, Rhetoric, and American Cultures) and excellent other opportunities (including funding!) through the school’s Writing Center. Not my department, and not really my speed, but I’ve been very impressed by how well they do.

        2. ErinW*

          Case Western Reserve in Cleveland also has a terrific Rhet Comp program (they call it WHIT or Writing History and Theory), or they did when I was there getting my Lit degree approx. 10 years ago. Everyone I know in that program got tenure-track right out of the gate.

        3. Breaking in?*

          Hi, Melody! I’ve been teaching first-year writing for about seven years with a master’s degree. I love my work and know that in order to move up in this field, I would need a PhD.

          I’ll be at one of two schools in the Midwest. I applied to one because it was close to me; the other, because the professors in my master’s program suggested it. There are a range of different specialties within Rhetoric and Composition (e.g. feminist rhetorics, digital rhetorics, first-year writing), and so what I’d suggest you do is figure out whose work you like within the field, then go where those professors are. I applied to a couple programs (didn’t get in, sadly) because I’d really enjoyed some of the published essays of the professors at the programs; and I applied to another one because I was excited about some of the practical instructional design work that another professor was doing (got in to that one). Also, when you figure out who will write your recs, ask them for suggestions; they probably have a better sense of program reputation.

          I’m not sorry about taking a few years off; though I feel a little older to start this (early 30s), I also have a better sense of who I am as a teacher and what I want to do. Another good reason (sometimes) to take a few years off is that it gives you a chance to build up some experience to use in your application. While I’ve been out of school, I’ve published on some education blogs; I’ve done some course design; and I’ve gotten a graduate certificate in a related field. I think this helped make my application more successful, and it gives me a strong platform to stand on as I go back to higher education more formally. But if you feel like you’re going strong as you finish a bachelor’s/master’s, you can head straight into a program.

          One thing I would suggest is that if you can, take coursework in rhetoric and composition. I have a master’s degree in literature, which meant that when it came time to create a writing sample for the application, I had to write something completely new, without the benefit of a class. It was HARD! Taking coursework in the field, perhaps as part of a master’s program, will give you a writing sample if you decide to apply for a PhD subsequently, and it will also help you figure out if you’re interested in this work, and what “slice” of the work you’re interested in.

          Feel free to ask if you have more questions!

          1. Breaking in?*

            As far as specific programs: University of Oklahoma is good for first-year composition and religious rhetorics. University of Tennessee Knoxville has a strong program. If you’re interested in business or professional rhetorics at all, Iowa State University is good.

          2. Melody*

            Thanks! I’m currently a high school English teacher, but teach AP English Language & Comp. I am also in a Master’s program in English, where one of my focus areas is Rhetoric and Comp. I would like to teach college once I graduate with my MA, so it’s good to hear that there are still jobs out there.

    6. Junior Dev*

      How has your experience been with getting the people you work with to understand what you actually do? I’ve seen UX designers get treated like anything from front-end developers to graphic designers to project managers.

      1. UX Designer*

        This is my BIGGEST pet peeve. UX, UI and Dev are all very different roles and I’m extremely skeptical of someone who claims to be great at all three. We talk alot about be “T” shaped, meaning your know a lot about a lot things but you really go deep in one of two areas. I don’t code and I don’t do UI. Any job listing or company that tries to ask if I do those roles gets a pass from me because it shows that they don’t actually understand what it is that I do.

        In my experience, most clients want good UX but they don’t understand what that means. They respond better to pretty pictures (UI) but don’t understand how to look at wireframes (UX). I work at an agency that really values and promotes UX and we are very distinct from the creatives but we all work closely. I typically explain my job as being like the architect of a house. I make the blueprints, but I don’t build it or decorate it.

        1. Autumnheart*

          UX designs the house. Dev puts in the frame, wiring and plumbing. UI furnishes the house. You want nicer cabinets, you go to UI. You want to upgrade the plumbing, you go to Dev (and UI because you will probably need to replace some fixtures). You want to build an addition, you go to UX first and then Dev and UI.

          1. UX Designer*

            Great analogy. DO NOT LET DEV START YOUR ADDITION. You will end up with pipes in the middle of the room.

            1. Junior Dev*

              But it was the most optimal place for the pipes! And it let me use this cool new pipe-placing framework I read about on Hacker News!

    7. No Green No Haze*

      What was your previous field? How did you get from zero to competent to employable?

      1. UX Designer*

        I have a BA in Art History and I worked a number of marketing/creative internships in college. I really didn’t know what UX was when I applied to an entry level job. The biggest thing I’ve found in UX is that really isn’t about skill; anyone can learn mobile-first theory or how to use Omnigraffle. UX is really about how you think. You have to be analytical and logical while also being able to zoom out to the “big picture” before diving pack in to the finer details.

        I had a solid work history of internships but I nailed the interview skills test which was really like a solving a puzzle; I was asked to create fictional recommendations to get young people paying with PayPal in restaurants. I did some research, ID’d roadblocks and presented my suggestions as results of what I saw. That’s UX; it’s problem solving.

    8. Madame X*

      Are any of the bootcamps worth the money for people interested in working as a UX Designer?

      1. UX Designer*

        I personally don’t think they are worth the money. You are better off finding part time, after hours or weekend sessions that don’t break the bank. Quitting your job for a full time course is not worth it, in my opinion. Students come out with a portfolio of “projects” but the school assignments and not very impressive. You’re better off looking for hackathon, pro-bono or local opportunities to help build a portfolio. I’m not impressed with student projects as standalone pieces because they are so controlled. You want to find opportunities that give you the opportunity to drive and measure real results, which classroom projects do not.

      1. UX Designer*

        I have a BA in Art History and I worked a number of marketing/creative internships in college. I really didn’t know what UX was when I applied to an entry level job. The biggest thing I’ve found in UX is that really isn’t about skill; anyone can learn mobile-first theory or how to use Omnigraffle. UX is really about how you think. You have to be analytical and logical while also being able to zoom out to the “big picture” before diving pack in to the finer details.

        I had a solid work history of internships but I nailed the interview skills test which was really like a solving a puzzle; I was asked to create fictional recommendations to get young people paying with PayPal in restaurants. I did some research, ID’d roadblocks and presented my suggestions as results of what I saw. That’s UX; it’s problem solving.

        To be a good UX designer you have to be really good with attention to details BUT ALSO able to look at things super holistically as part of a system. Somedays I’m working through flows of how a user gets from A to B and other days it’s all about super nit-picky details. If you’re good at puzzles, organization and logic problems then you’ll be good!

    10. Bad Candidate*

      I’d be interested in how you got into it and what classes you had to take or would recommend.

      1. UX Designer*

        This really depends. UX and UI are very different roles, though a lot of places lump them together and it drives me crazy. Other people may not care as much but to me, UX is not about colors or fonts or pretty pictures. UI is much more in line with graphic and visual design. UX is much more functional and incorporates a lot more backend knowledge and research. This course leans much more UI but there are elements of UX in there. I would spend some time looking at job postings and deciding what role you want to have before diving in. There is often a lot of liberty taken with job titles and responsibilities so it will be helpful for you to get clear on what you actually want to focus on so you don’t become so broad in your skills that you can’t on any one area.

        1. Seeking an MS*

          Thanks. I really wasn’t clear on the distinction between UX and UI, so that’s helpful (as well as your response to Junior Dev above). I’m a technical writer who fell into developing e-learning, and Steve Krug’s “Don’t Me Think” is kind of my bible. If you’re familiar with the book, would you say it’s more about UI or UX? Or neither?

        2. Former Librarian*

          UX designer here (although my current role is, in theory, UI/UX/FED). I SUCK at UI. I’m not interested. I don’t freaking care what shade of blue you choose or if you use drop shadows as long as the end product is accessible. I’m decent at FED, but only because I’ve been doing it for 20 years. My passion and sweet spot is UX. I’d like to move on from my current position, but am finding it very hard to find something that isn’t “bleeding edge design + UX, maybe”. Honestly, I might have to physically move once my kids are done with school.

    12. AG*

      I am also a homegrown UX designer. I was hired to do graphic design work, but my then manager helped me pivot into UX because she thought I had potential. I absolutely love the work, but I’ve been learning a lot as I go. My company likes to say it values UX, but in reality, they make us cut a lot of corners and rush our process. As a result, I may be job hunting soon — and it’s the first time I’ll be searching as a UX designer. Any advice for someone who has over a year of “real world” experience, but at a company that isn’t doing things exactly right? I’m not sure what to include in my portfolio when I’m not super proud of the final product.

      1. Anon Marketer*

        Work in tech. Play UX designer sometimes, work with them a lot. Helped hire ours. The answer is two-fold here:

        Unfortunately work NOT making you cut corners is a myth or very, VERY rare. The best you can do is explain your thinking each time, and once they make that decision, it’s out of your hands. Sometimes the client/company cares more about their budget or what THEY think is right versus what actually is. Designer’s dilemma, unfortunately.

        Portfolio, you want to show your thinking process (such as case studies) to see where you got there. Our current UI/UX designer I helped hire had a mix of final product, wireframes, and mid-fi work with explanations for each. Also, if your client’s final product wasn’t your first choice, no reason you can’t show YOUR first choice. Portfolio is for your best work, not necessarily your CLIENT’S preferred work.

        Hope this helps!

    13. Technical Writer*

      I’m a technical writer who just finished my MS in Information Systems. My thesis involved designing for red-green color-blindness (inspired by my brother’s experience with deuteranopia). I’d love to hear your experience or opinions on that.

    14. UX Manager*

      Another UXer here – I have a mix of design, testing and research in my background, and over a decade of experience. I also do a lot of UX hiring, and I completely agree with everything UX Designer has said around making sure you show your thinking in your portfolio, not just shiny final products. Pretty is nice, but I’m way more interested in seeing how you got there and whether or not you involved any actual people.

      1. UX Manager*

        I would also say, if you’re currently in another role and looking to move into UX, see if there’s anything you can do around/within to your current role that would bring UX thinking to it, especially if it’s not something your company does more formally. Running some hallway usability testing on a product you’re working on, or spending some time talking to or observing users and bringing that knowledge back to your organization – there are tons of resources online around how to do those kinds of things, and I’m much more likely to hire people who have taken that kind of initiative in a real world environment than someone who took a six month UX “intensive” and made some shiny portfolio pieces.

    15. cleo*

      Ooh. This is well timed. I have a phone interview for a UX job on Monday and I don’t have a ton of UX experience.

      I’m currently a freelance front-end web designer/developer – I’m a generalist who does a little bit of everything (and before that I taught art and design for many years). I’ve done UX type things in most of my web projects and I enjoy it and I think I’m more suited to it than UI.

      This thread is very helpful. I was honestly shocked that I got my phone interview because I’ve never worked as a UX designer. I decided I’d apply partly to see how well my resume and portfolio did – and lo, they were good enough to get me a phone interview with HR.

    16. Anon Marketer*

      I’d like to move into this field. I’m a graphic/visual designer right now who’s not feeling super challenged and what UI/UX work I’ve done make my brain think in ways I enjoy. How can I break into the field?

    17. Designer in Progress*

      Question for you on internships. I’m newly graduated (as of last spring) and been working in my university town for a small company as marketing and graphic design, quickly becoming a department of one and doing what I can to improve our website, data systems, design rules, etc. I’m slowly trying to build up a portfolio and experience by taking on projects to gather information and fix issues for my employer (who has been very happy with my work) to help break into the UX/UI Design fields. I don’t have any internships under my belt since I skipped right into a marketing position, but thought about taking one up if I can. I don’t have any real world experience in the field since I’m mostly self taught and have a game design degree, so I feel my portfolio is still weak and my resume is missing experience. As a designer in the field, would aiming for an internship be taking a step backwards from where I’m at now, or should I keep doing what I am and see if I can get in somewhere as a junior designer later? I’ve been job searching for a while and been met with radio silence, so continuing my efforts to improve and switch over from marketing to UI or UX, if possible.

    19. UX Designer II Electric Boogaloo*

      Oh man, I rarely see other UXers on here!

      I completely second everything you said about UX design being a way of thinking. You mentioned a lot about being logical and analytical and looking at the big picture and that is soooo important. But also something I’ve noticed that UX designers sometimes skip out on is the empathy. A huge part of my job is figuring out the who, what, and why. Who are users are, what they want, and why they want it. Everyone usually manages who and what, but the why is often left dangling.

      Designing with empathy also means designing to be inclusive! A huge part of UX design is making things accessible and easy for everyone. This means I don’t design two gendered forms anymore, and if designing for a site where the users primarily speak a character based language (Hebrew, Mandarin, Korean to name a couple off the top of my head), I go right to left.

      This is my favourite part of UX design and why I love what I do – I get to use rational arguments and data (sweet, sweet testing data) to prove my points, but at the end of the day everything I do comes down to compassion. If I can design with compassion then I can design something useful.

      (I’m sure you know this original commenter! I’m just commenting for others who are interested in the role)

      PS: if you’re a bad public speaker/bad at presenting in general – work on this right now. I can sell snow to an eskimo if I’m confident in my work and honestly, this gets me further than anything else in my career. I can speak marketing, I can speak business, and I can speak dev. In a field where most of us like hiding behind our monitors, this has made me a resource on every single team I’ve been on.

      1. UX Researcher*

        I’d love to work on my public speaking skills. I agree, that is so important in this field. Do you have any book recommendations? Or just good old practice-makes-perfect?

        1. UX Designer II Electric Boogaloo*

          I actually was a theatre undergrad and then a journalist so I unfortunately can’t recommend any books as I did more of a trial by fire thing. But the same principles apply here. Tell a story, and tell it well.
          I use this manta for interviews and presentations. People want to believe you, they’re walking into that room hoping that you’re the solution to their problem. I find this majorly helps because if you assume everyone is on your side already, then all you have to do is keep them there.

          Before I start I usually warm the room ever so slightly. I smile, I make a light joke (‘Hi I’m Jane Eyre and I’m here to push boxes around, feel free to throw things if you hate it. I’m very good at ducking by now”) I make the joke about me so they know I don’t take myself too seriously. Then I usually try to just talk to them. I compliment people when they speak up (“you raise a good point, thanks for mentioning that”) I never dismiss anyone even if their ideas are bad and they should feel bad (“interesting thought! I appreciate the new perspective. I’ll definitely take that under consideration”) and I frame things in ways they’ll understand. I explain why I did things the way I did them, also in terms they understand. If you have personas or scenarios, lean on them. I’m basically Kristen Chenoweth in combat boots so if I don’t speak like I know what I’m talking about I would be torn to shreds.

          I also think all tech people could do with beefing up their soft skills. I develop relationships with the people who I present to. This doesn’t mean I we go out for drinks after work or anything, it just means I ask about their weekends, remember how many kids they have, ask if they’ve seen any good movies lately etc. People respond better to me than some of my colleagues because they feel like I’m a person instead of just a “ux designer”.

          I suffer from major imposter syndrome and other miscellaneous mental spiders, so I’m honestly faking it 99% of the time. But sometimes this is just a no go mentally. So then I’ll LARP my way through it. I usually default to Dana Scully. If Dana Scully was giving this presentation how would she do it? Then I do that.

  4. Librarian By Day*

    I’m actually looking to learn about Microsoft Access. If anyone has any good suggestions for resources, or can give me a good starting point to create a database, I’d be super happy! I need to create a database that has a form to enter in statistics from a program and then keep an archive of all those form entries.

    I have a lot of experience with public speaking, so I’m always willing to answer questions about presentations and engaging audiences.

    1. Brydon*

      I would LOVE to piggyback on to this as I need to create a database and forms and reports to run the secretary functions for a dog show. and I get started only to panic and go back to my excel method and data manipulation.

    2. TechServLib*

      How do you engage audiences with detailed technical presentations? I’m in technical services and submitting some conference proposals for things that are actually pretty innovative, but sound super dry when I describe them.

      1. Librarian By Day*

        Technical speeches always seem daunting! I do a lot of technology classes at my current library and used to do debate in undergrad (and I often competed in a speech event where you had to present critical communication theories to the audience and apply them to artifacts). What I’ve learned from those experiences is that there are three easy ways to make your presentation more engaging

        1) Be very excited about what you’re talking about! If you’re passionate about it and have a well-polished delivery, people are ALWAYS going to be more interested than if you’re reading off note cards and not making any eye contact.

        2) If you’re good at crowd control, make the presentation as interactive as possible. If you acknowledge that the topic is complex and a little dry and take a break every 10 minutes or so to answer a question or two, people seem to respond well to that.

        3) Metaphors! Using every day experiences or objects to explain how a new innovation works is something that’s soo easy to throw into a presentation but not a lot of people do it. I always remember webinars and conference sessions that go “well, we’re going to talk about X. Everyone’s familiar with Y, right? Here’s how X is exactly like Y.”

        Hope this helps. :)

      2. IL JimP*

        I’d like to hear LBD’s explanation too but what I found was that a lot of people’s downfall is putting too much information in their PowerPoints.

        I guess it would make a big difference in what the purpose of the presentation was for, is it for training or just presenting/persuading the audience? It also matters a lot who the audience is for the presentation.

        1. Librarian By Day*

          Yes! Powerpoint is WAY overused. And I don’t mean that in the “just put all your presentation information on Prezi instead” kind of way. Powerpoint should never be used as the speakers notes (never turn your back to look at the screen) and the audience shouldn’t be able to just read the slides and tune out the presentation.

          I like to use Powerpoint to break up my speech as I plan it – think of each slide as a paragraph and each slide should have the overall takeaway of the paragraph. (Also on a side note, don’t use clip art! Get on creative commons and search for vector art of whatever image you want. It looks way better bc it has a transparent background and better dpi.) You’re definitely right that it depends on the purpose of the presentation, but I think if you are training and you need to impart more information on the audience, then you should have a handout with more information – that gives the audience something tangible to hold and take away.

          1. IL JimP*

            That’s basically my best practice too, at this point I only put relevant (or fun depending on the audience) pictures in PowerPoint. If there is detailed/technical information that they need to take back with them, it’s best in a handout given on their way out (so they don’t read it while you’re speaking).

          2. tangerineRose*

            I’m more of a visual learner, so having the words on the screen would be helpful to me.

      3. FacilitationLearner*

        I’d love to get better at public speaking. I host a regular monthly meeting for 20-30 women, and at the last meeting during the opening remarks I felt like I was running out of air midway through my sentence! While I am fairly comfortable speaking in front of people, occasionally I find myself speaking too quickly or repeating the same sentiment in multiple ways.

        Beyond slowing myself down, do readers have tips about how to avoid and/or recover from a situation like that? What should I do to streamline my speech and make a really engaging message?

        1. Becky*

          One of the things that works best for me is just breathe. Most people won’t notice if you pause to take a breath. If you find yourself needing air in the middle of a sentence, just pause a moment and take a breath (at a natural pause). If you find yourself rushing, take a breath, re-center yourself and continue.
          If you are the type of person who finds themselves using filler “ums” and “uhs” take a breath instead. Most of your audience won’t notice a brief pause, but they will notice the fillers.

          When you find yourself repeating the same sentiment in multiple ways is it due to nervousness or are you picking up cues from the group that they aren’t grasping the point? If the former–take a breath and continue to the next point, if the latter maybe open up for discussion or questions about a point that doesn’t seem to be making it across properly?

          I’m not an expert public speaker, but I’ve been doing it most of my life and these are things that have worked for me. Others with more formal training and experience might have additional insight.

          1. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

            I second the advice to breathe. What I was taught was to take a breath at the beginning of each sentence. It was a natural pause (because you’ve just finished a sentence), ensures you have enough air to get through the next sentence, keeps you from rushing by enforcing a pause, and is generally invisible to the audience. It works particularly well when you’re reading from something pre-scripted, because you can see where the pause should go. But it works for off the cuff speaking too.

        2. IL JimP*

          I agree with Becky, the key is to make sure you take a breath after every session and don’t worry people don’t know what you’re going to say so if you screw up they’ll never no so just keep going.

          Make sure you are prepared for your presentation, but don’t write it word for word do an outline that way you still have some freedom in the moment and with the group you’re presenting in front of to add or take away things.

          1. IL JimP*

            Here’s how I generally outline a presentation – before even starting make sure you understand your topic, you know who your audience is and what you want to have happen at the end.

            Start with some sort of an opener, a short story to put the topic in context works best for me
            Then in the opening mention your 3 or 4 main points – don’t do more than that no one will be able to remember
            Then move on to the body of your presentation:
            Outline your 3-4 points with 2 or 3 things you need to say about each of them
            Use examples, metaphor or stories to really stick your points
            When you want to end you’re going to recap your 3 main points
            Lastly, have a call to action – what do you want people to do with the information you just shared?

        3. Screenwriter*

          Practice really does make perfect; the more you do it, the better you’ll get. Some useful things to remember are:
          1. Practice or at least go over your general remarks beforehand. Streamline it by asking yourself if you were talking to a class of teenagers, what would be too much? Go through it again, saying firmly to yourself “what if I cut this part?” Just use your natural humor, as though you were chatting with a good friend, rather than telling jokes.
          2. Take a drink of water before you start–sometimes simply having a dry mouth makes you swallow in the middle of a sentence and that can also make you nervous.
          3. The key is to get yourself to relax. As you get nervous, and anxious, your whole body “speeds up,” so whenever I feel nervous, I sit quietly and do some yoga breathing (slow inhale as you count slowly to 4, slow exhale as you count slowly to 4). If I can, I try to sit and “still my mind” for a minute. Amazingly, if you slow your body down physically, it truly slows down the anxiety.
          4. The minute you feel yourself speeding, again, as others say below, stop, and take a breath. Smile. Maybe bring that glass of water with you. Stop, smile, take a drink.
          5. If you DO stumble, swallow, run out of breath, JUST KEEP GOING. If you start apologizing or making fun of yourself, not only does it call attention to yourself, but it actually makes the audience feel MORE uncomfortable (like you’re asking THEM to calm you down). They want to hear what you have to say, that’s all. So just keep going. People will truly enjoy your speech more.
          6. Another easy trick is to address yourself to the friendliest, warmest person in the room, as though you’re having coffee with her. Slowly include other people as you look around, but have the home base of the friendly person.
          7. Remind yourself, you’re among friends, talking about things of mutual interest. Have fun!

      4. MerciMe*

        When in doubt, cut it out. Make yourself justify every word and every idea. Is it:
        1) relevant to your specific purpose in presenting? (Does it directly support your targeted knowledge transfer outcomes?)
        2) critical information your audience needs to understand and execute their role?
        3) Likely to be new or unknown to anyone in your audience?

        Don’t overcomplicate. Precision and clarity can work against each other – it’s a balancing act.

        Be concise; use plain language (the U.S. plain language guide is excellent); and use simple visuals (e.g. high-level image-based flow diagrams) to help your audience keep their place when you have to discuss something unavoidably complicated.

        1. MerciMe*

          And I know this doesn’t seem directly related to being engaging, but it’s a necessary basis to avoid drowning in the weeds, in my experience. Well-designed slides support both you and your audience, which improves your rapport with them.

          I also write a script for each slide, bold the key points, and print my speaking notes a couple days ahead. The printed copy goes on my desk and every time I notice it and have a few minutes, I pick it up and rehearse it mentally. This builds familiarity and lets you refine your speaking points.

          Rehearsing in front of someone also helps, especially if they intimidate you and will interrupt with questions. That’s when you really learn if your slides are supporting you, or if you’re having to adjust your natural thought-flow to accommodate concepts that are in a different logical order than the one that comes naturally to you. It will also pop out places where your natural ordering may not match your audience’s, so you can figure out what to do about that (change the slide or anticipate the question, usually).

    4. CRM & CIP*

      It was a long time ago, but I took an online class from Ed2Go…Intermediate Access…and it provided me with a lot of good information. I’m not a programmer, but I’ve created the equivalent of programs using Access queries. It was a good class, and just looking at their website, they have classes in the later versions of Access as well now.

    6. SittingDuck*

      I took an Access class with ONLC – its all online- you can do it from your house (I did it at my office because my company sponsored me to take it) I think it was 2 or 3 days and it got me off and running.

      We have a separate database that we connect to Access, and I was just looking to learn to write the queries, reports and forms we needed – but the course also taught me how to build a database from scratch.

      Its a ‘live’ class where the instructor is sharing their screen with you, and showing you things and then you can try them on your computer as well.

    7. sparty*

      In my experience, any time you want to design a new Access database is to start by designing everything out of the system on a whiteboard. Start with your raw data, and deciding which data fields are necessary and where they will be coming from (direct data entry, forms, excel, etc). Then define your relationships between tables. Then design your forms and queries based on those other items and build reports on those queries. Once this is all done, put your “whiteboard” into the system

      1. BF*

        People were always amazed at how long I spent drawing things on white boards and asking detailed questions about how their data was related and what information they wanted to get out of the database. But once that was clear in my mind, building the database was much easier and the users got better results.

    8. a-no*

      I used the Microsoft Access For Dummies book to get a better understanding for it. I personally HATE that program, it’s the bane of my existence (our set up was set up by a person who had never worked in an office and the stupidest things are password protected – I enter payables yet I can’t change between vendors without the controllers PW) but I like how clear the For Dummies books are (even though the name is a little rude)

    9. yo*

      I used the free 7 days at lynda dot com to binge on courses about the version of access my job uses – it was enough that I could rebuild our (relatively simple) database.

    10. machiamellie*

      So my local library offers free access to lynda dot com which has a lot of courses, including Access I believe. Check into whether your library does the same (this goes for any popular software out there).

    11. Yorick*

      Just in case there are Minnesota people here, you can take an Access class (or other computer classes) in person at the Science Museum.

    12. perpetuallytired*

      There are a few things you can do: go online and search for “microsoft access MOOC”. MOOCs are Massive open online courses that are offered at a University level but for free. Look through the syllabus and see which one fits your style.

      In terms of starting a database, figure out what fields you need! Take a few statistical data points/sets and try to organize it in the way that it will be most useful to you. You never know what fields you’ll really need until you actually start coding the data.

    13. Product Manager + Business Analyst*

      Depending on how complicated your form is, you might not really need Access. Something like Sharepoint or another service might be more scaleable and easier to manage down the line. Access is falling out of favor in terms of data management, and it’s much harder to future-proof.

      Not trying to actively discourage you from using Access, but you might consider exploring other options. If you want me to go into more detail let me know!

    14. zed 2 eh*

      I learned Access using this book: Access 2013 The Missing Manual, and online tutorials from youtube channel: PC Learning Zone. Once I did all the free courses, I purchased additional levels. This in the only time I have purchased online training and I was very satisfied with it.

      Using these resources I was able to build a database that meets our specific needs, reduced data entry time (what used to take 5-7 days per month now takes 1) and allowed us to capture and report on elements of the work that had never been documented or analyzed in a 20 year history of delivering the services.

      I have found Access to be easy to use and a huge improvement over the combination paper and excel system that was in place. I continue to build on to our database and automate more aspects of our invoicing, tracking and reporting tasks.

      I don’t use the database much in my role, I just do development and maintenance. I’ve been able to teach the two administrators how to use the database and we’re all really happy with our improved system.
      I’m not techy or in IT – but my specialty is small business administrative efficiencies, and I’m by far the most adventurous technically on our team (and I was the most horrified by the antiquated, inefficient system in place!), so that’s how it started.

      1. zed 2 eh*

        I should add – my IT friends do not encourage the use of Access. They also don’t encourage amateurs playing at databases. In in ideal situation, they’re probably right.
        Given my lack of ideal situations, and the specific constraints I encountered, it was the best solution available in the situation described above.
        I’m not commenting as to what is/isn’t appropriate in your situation, just sharing our experience.

    15. Beck*

      I’d actually recommend against using Access because there are so many great cloud-based alternatives. Access requires the data to be stored locally, which means you can’t access it from anywhere. There are a bunch of online databases that do the same thing (if not more) for really cheap, and they take care of storing and protecting all your data. Full disclosure, I work for one of them, but I won’t name which one specifically.

    16. Frankie*

      Honestly, I’d just sit down with Access and a mini version of your project and try to start by just playing around. That’s what I did on a job years ago. Form entries are incredibly easy to set up once you understand the basics. Then test it, rinse, repeat, and consult online tutorials when needed & to make sure you’re not overlooking anything critical. I bet you could do most of it by tinkering, testing and reading tutorials.

  5. Scrumtrillescent*

    I’m good at being a single parent of five kids while super poor. (Though we’re not super poor anymore. I’d describe us as only scarcely poor now.)

    I’m also good at dealing with angry customers calmly and confidently.

    I’m apparently not good at listing things I’m good at as a comment on the internet because this —> O_O is my face as I’m typing this.

    But I do like to help people, so…

    1. Salesforce Admin*

      How do you do it? It always baffles me when people are single parents and they do it all themselves- I just have me and I feel tired!

      1. Scrumtrillescent*

        Ha ha, well…I’m not sure. I guess it’s the constant pressure of how dire the consequences will be if I phone it in as well as some pretty creative ways of minimizing work.

        For instance, if your kids’ school requires uniforms, and those uniforms are wrinkle free, your kids can sleep in their uniforms. Then you don’t have to launder pajamas, it takes far less time for them to get ready in the morning, and everybody gets to sleep a little longer. Win/win/win.

        There was a long period of time where everybody’s favorite dinner was “Hoppin’ John.” That might be a real food, but in our household, it was brown rice, black eyed peas, and cut up hot dogs. I do a lot of food-related things to keep costs down. I make huge pans of pumpkin, blueberry, banana, or applesauce bread every Sunday and that’s breakfast for everyone for the week. I hard boil three dozen eggs each week and the kids can either eat them with their breakfast or put them in their lunch. I buy 10 lbs of fruit a week and they can eat it any time they want.

        We have a freezer bag full of words each of us (who can write so far, which is four of the kids and me) has written down on card stock. We use these words for charades, drawing games, story telling games.

        We eat dinner together every night. We don’t have the TV on ever at all unless we are watching something together or if there’s something I have to attend to and I need them distracted. (Like taxes, or filling out disability forms for my autistic son, etc.) We do not have broadcast TV in the house so there’s no commercials ever, at any time.

        I am tired a lot. I tend to go to bed when the kids do. Not being attached to any TV shows helps with that. The few things I need to see, I’ll watch on my lunchbreak at work. (My coworkers might thing I’m a weirdo, because I take my lunch alone in the filing room with the lights off. There’s a window that lets sunlight in. I find it peaceful.)

        1. Winifred*

          You sound like a wonderful parent. Bless you for all you do. If you don’t already follow the Frugalwoods, they have excellent frugality tips for all, and lots for frugal parenting.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Thank you. <3 We're making it! My middle two daughters just competed in the school talent show singing John Denver, so I knew I got something right.

        2. Spooky*

          Hoppin’ John! It’s definitely a real food–my dad made it all the time when I was little! We used kielbasa instead of hot dogs, but yeah, same dish.

        3. Sweet T*

          You sound like an amazing parent and all around great person. Enjoy your breaks in the file room! I’m a mom of 2 and that sounds absolutely perfect!

          1. JessaB*

            We did it with cubed up bologna. So yeh you throw whatever cheap meat you had in it. Everyone’s house had a different meat in, whatever they had left over or was cheap at the store. Chuck on sale? They browned up the chuck and threw it in. Stew meat on sale? Lamb? If the gal down the block whose family hunted had venison left, we used that. We would get packages, cubed, ground, and plastic tubs of her killer awesome tomato sauce (they were Italian.) Right now my go to is similar, rice or noodles, throw whatever the heck is in the fridge at it and eat.

            But every culture has that dish. Hoppin John, stew, gumbo, stroganoff. IE grab a carb of some sort and toss protein on it in a big pot and let it cook.

          2. Scrumtrillescent*

            Murr! That’s so kind of you. I’m so glad I posted here, these are some of the nicest things people have said to me in, like, months!! I wish I could make you all a big plate of Hoppin’ John.

        4. Natalie*

          We have a freezer bag full of words each of us

          I was still in “food mode” at this point and was very confused/impressed. Your kids eat words!?

        5. Rossa*

          I truly hope you are joking about the kids sleeping in the pajamas and then going to school in their slept-in clothes! That’s good parenting? So unhyegenic. Ugh.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Nope, not joking. They take a bath, put on their school clothes, sleep in them, wake up, and go to school. Their sheets are changed once a week by the cleaning ladies.

            1. Brunch with Sylvia*

              Truth. I did the same thing as a single mom of 3. Park, library, dinner, bath, teeth, get dressed, bedtime stories. And everyone had a fitted sheet, one fluffy comforter, one pillow. Kids very easily made their beds in the morning even as preschoolers. Breakfast, teeth…go! Saved money and less laundry not buying pjs.

              1. Scrumtrillescent*

                Right? The amount of laundry that exists in my laundry even without pajamas is…obscene.

          2. emvic*

            “So you eat other people’s leftovers?” said the lady to the man in tattered rags “that’s so unhygienic!”. “Well” he replied “sure beats starving, m’lady”, with only the faintest sad smile on his gaunt face.

          3. atalanta0jess*

            Huh? How is it unhygienic? Is sleeping somehow…dirty? I legitimately cannot understand what would be unhygienic about this.

            I’m also pretty sure sleeping is like the cleanest thing my kid does in a 24 hour period. :D

            1. how is this a problem?*

              Yeah. We very strongly discourage our kids from sleeping in the clothes they wore to school – don’t want to bring all that grime to bed – but there’s nothing at all unhygienic about changing into clean clothes at night and hopping up ready for school in the morning. Sometimes the kids choose an intermediate solution, which is regular t-shirt and pajama pants, then just swap PJ pants for jeans in the morning.

              We started this because my kid hated dressing himself and our mornings were therefore hellish; he asked if he could please just change once and then sleep in his clothes and we were all YES PLEASE THIS SOUNDS AMAZING.

    2. Minerva McGonagall*

      Those first two make sense together, as the ability to remain calm in the face of frustration from customers is similar to the ability to remain calm when saying no to a child who wants the expensive cereal. :)

      1. Scrumtrillescent*

        Cook on Sundays. (Or whatever your day off is.) Make big, cheap meals that can be portioned out throughout the week. Some of our favorites are homemade chicken noodle soup, pot roast, spaghetti, chili mac, beef stroganoff, 15 bean soup, and rotisserie style chicken drumsticks. Pre-make your breakfast (see breads and boiled eggs above.) Take your lunch to work. If you have kids and qualify for the free lunch program, they’ll get free breakfast and lunch at school. Have your kids make their own lunches. This isn’t a money-frugal thing, but a time-frugal thing. Plus, you can all be in the kitchen together preparing the week’s meals together.

        Making your own laundry detergent is very inexpensive…like SO inexpensive when you compare it to store bought detergent. And, if you have kids, it’s pretty fun too because you get to microwave soap. I’ve used Dove soap before and it worked fine. Ymmv. https://www.yellowbrickhome.com/2017/02/28/make-your-own-laundry-soap/

        If you have kids, something that changed my life was throwing away all of their colorful socks and buying them all the same socks. I have four close in age daughters and they all have white bobby socks. I have a son who is older and he has black no show socks. No more painstaking hours trying to find the mouse princess socks with the purple and pink stripes. NEVER AGAIN. If they come home from their dad’s with colorful socks, I have them give them back to him. This means that some of our white socks are at his house and we are not getting them back. I’ve made my peace with that.

        We pay for internet and own an Apple TV and have a Netflix subscription. No cable, no broadcast TV.

        If you have kids, find out if there are programs that ya’ll qualify for. We get a reduced membership at the Y and we get assistance with child care.

        My kids are 16, 10, 8, 7, and 5. They all take turns fixing dinner. They all have substantial chores. They all know how to sew and can do simple mending of their clothes. (The girls are in Girl Scouts. They saved up to buy their vests and they sew their own patches on.)

        I cut their hair myself. We don’t eat out a lot. I do pay for cleaning ladies to come once a week and do a deep clean, otherwise I would lose my mind. We have library cards. The kids pay their own fines if they accrue them. We have two dogs from the Humane Society. The kids are responsible for their care. My 16 year old is responsible for refilling his prescriptions and making doctor’s appointments for prescription refills. (And has been for about a year.)

        Not all of this is money-frugal, a lot of this is time-frugal, which is a limited resource in my house!!

        2. Just Jess*

          Damn that’s impressive. You’re raising kids who know how to cook, wash clothing, care for clothing, be responsible for their own health and finances, just stuff that’s going to serve them well while people in their 30’s can’t even handle that.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Thank you very much! I just…I have to do my part to limit the amount of grown up children sucking the energy out of people out there in the world. I was married to one! It was terrible! I made it out and now I’m going to make sure that our kids are not like that at all.

            1. Clippy*

              It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job on that front. Also even as someone with no kids, I really understand what you mean about time-frugality. There are a lot of things I could save money on, but choose not to because the time investment is too steep.

        3. Meg Murry*

          +1 to simplifiying socks!

          If your kids aren’t in the same size, or you want both black and white options, we swear by Hanes easy-sort socks, available at both Target and Amazon. Each kids socks get thrown in a small basket, they can easily grab 2 black or 2 white – no sorting for me.

          We only travel once or twice a year, and I’ve decided that’s a great time for everyone to get a fresh pack of underwear and socks. No matching or sorting last minute, just toss the new packs in the suitcase and go!

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Ohhhh, I like this! The combining of the socks and the vacations!!!!! I’m not certain, but the last three times I’ve been to walmart, they haven’t had the girls’ socks. (They aren’t the same size, but they’re “Meh, close enough.”) They *may* have stopped making them. And I’m kind of Chrissy Teigan ehhhhh face about it because I had planned to just keep adding on to that batch of socks forever!!!!

            1. Mel*

              I do the “vacation/trip? New undies and socks for everyone!” thing too. 1) I don’t have to do the last minute laundry scramble and 2) everyone gets ridiculously excited for new socks. We purge old socks and undies when we get back.

          2. Liss*

            My girls prefer that their socks don’t match, so I just buy a single brand and style and they get tossed in a single drawer. If their desires change, then they can be in charge of making things match.

            2. miss_chevious*

              That’s a big thing at my niece’s school, too — mismatched socks — so we got her a bunch of all the same style but different colors and she never sorts socks. It would be harder with more than one kid or younger kids, though, I think.

          3. LPop*

            Alternately, when vacationing I love to use that as an excuse to toss old socks/undies! I’ll bring the old pairs with me, wear them and throw them away as I go, so that it makes more room in the suitcase (and less lugging dirty socks/undies home)…then having to return home is brightened a little by the prospect of new socks/undies! It’s like a little “sorry your vacation had to end, but at least you don’t have to do as much laundry AND you get to wear new things!” pick-me-up. (And somehow it feels deliciously decadent to leave a trail of discarded underthings in my wake when I travel?)

            1. Not a Morning Person*

              I like this idea! It also reminded me of someone I knew who led bicycle tours. She told be about a regular participant who brought his oldest, worn-out clothes to wear on the week-long tour and left those sweaty, dirty items in the trash each day. By the end of the tour, he had one set of clean and newer clothing to wear home and an empty or almost empty suitcase.

        4. JessaB*

          If you have the money or can find one in a thrift store, a good one time buy that will save you loads in the long run is some kind of pressure cooker, instapot, crock pot or whatever. One of those long cookers that you can set and forget whilst you’re dealing with the rest of your life. They’re also amazing for making the cheapest cuts of meat tender (cheap meat is cheap because it’s tough or an unpopular cut.) Then make batches of stuff like suggested above.

          It’s hard. Because one of the reasons people with money don’t understand poor people is the why are you buying 10 buck shoes every few months when 50 buck shoes will last. It’s not about the money it’s about the CASH FLOW. You don’t have 50 bucks to spend on shoes.

          So advice to get a cooker is kind of on the “I get why a whole lot of people can’t.” I really wish one of the things charities would do is give one to people on their first intake. Soup, stew, all those things you can easily make in one in quantity. And you don’t need a working stove or anything – I don’t know why but in cheap housing the stove always seems to be the thing that doesn’t work right. I live in a decent place now and I wouldn’t bake because the oven is lousy. You’d think they’d require decent stoves, but my friend who is in Section 8 with a HUD voucher his stove is garbage too.

          But I have my mother’s pressure cooker. If I didn’t I could probably go to my local St Vincent dePaul (not affiliated except as them being the ONLY charity that ever did genuine good by me.) And as a charity customer if they had one at the thrift store they’d give it to me gratis. I’d go through the rep first though, not just walk in and she’d have them put it aside with a voucher. A lot of decent charities with thrift stores have programmes like that where they’ll give things to people in need. I also got mattresses from them.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Oh! You know my life!!! So, our apartment came with a built in microwave, four burner stove, and an oven. The microwave hasn’t worked in a little over a year. One of the burners on the stove hasn’t worked in two years. The heating element on the oven went out two years ago. We live in a fourplex that is owned by a family…it’s not like your normal apartment complex where there’s an office with people in it waiting to rent people apartments. We’re five buildings on a dead end road and only two of the buildings are owned by the people who own our building. I’ve never met the owners. My next door neighbor collects the rent and does the repairs. The family owns properties throughout our entire metropolitan area…probably 80 miles east to west and 60 miles north to south. So, he comes back to his house at the end of the day and just goes to sleep. And never fixes our stuff. Our garbage disposal has been leaking for two months. I once had to take cold showers for three months. BUT!!! We rent a three bedroom, two bathroom apartment for $724 a month. So we will stay here. For awhile! We do have a crock pot but it is just your standard-sized crock pot and now that the kids are all big (ish) it would be better to have a larger size but I can keep making it work with the one I have, just very carefully. The kids were all so little for so long, it is a completely new world having them be 16, 10, 8, 7, and 5 compared to just three years ago when they were 13, 7, 5, 4, and 2. The crock pot was fine back then. But they can eat so much now. They’re essentially always hungry. That’s where the fruit and eggs come in. They can eat those whenever they want.

          2. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

            Oh – the shoe thing! My husband grew up middle class while I grew up poor. It took him forever to convince me to stop getting $10 shoes. I had such a hard time switching when it seemed like a waste of money because we never even had an extra $10, let alone $50 to spend on name brand shoes. Just took so long for me to understand that they really do last much longer and are well worth the extra money.

            1. Scrumtrillescent*

              Yes! We are just at the beginning stages of being able to buy things that will last. (Well, I’m not sure that they make shoes that kids can’t wear out…at least not elementary-aged kids.) It’s an interesting process, choosing something that is made well and because it is made the way you like it instead of it was the cheapest version you could find. It is a relief to finally be here. I hope we get to stay here!

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            I am going to come back and read your comment when I have a hard day. Thank you.

            1. Jennifrer*

              Right there with L, Scrumtrillescent. Do you have a Venmo account? I’m speechless reading your comments and would love to help you, if only a bit.

              1. Scrumtrillescent*

                That is so kind of you! It has launched me into a moral quandary, though. Things really have gotten much better for us. We were living below the poverty line for years. Years! (We had really good health insurance though.) From the time I left my marriage, we lived six months in a shelter, I found out I was pregnant and did that gig alone. I got a job working for the Girl Scouts which was amazing but paid like ten dollars an hour and had no benefits. That whole…program lost grant funding and was eliminated right about my sixth month of pregnancy. I had a simultaneous temporary census gig that ended right around the same time. I went on some interviews but didn’t get anything because I was clearly very pregnant. I got the call from (my previous employer) the day after we came home from the hospital. I interviewed three days later and started working unloading freight for them later that month. I worked my way up to a technician but we were still living paycheck to paycheck. (But, again, the benefits were great!) I think I got my current position partly because of how known for customer service my former employer is, but also because of a lot of the advice from this site! I negotiated my salary. (I’m making twice what I was making before!) I printed out my previous annual reviews since I knew (my previous employer) wouldn’t provide me with a reference and that if they knew I was looking it would negatively impact my working situation there. I brought multiple letters of reference with me to my interview.

                So we are doing much better than we were before!! So I hesitate to take you up on your generosity because I know that there are people struggling so much more than we are! At the same time I worry that if I’m like “No, thanks, we’re fine over here!” that tomorrow my twelve year old minivan will turn to dust as I’m pulling out of the parking lot and blow away on the wind and I’ll be like “Great job, thinking you were doing well at life now, me.”

                So…may I think about it?

                1. Frankie Bergstein*

                  I am blown away. Seriously – reading this thread and your posts, I am just so floored. You’re an amazing mother (with responsible kiddos, a pet, and a very well-functioning clean household where folks eat really healthy and do extracurriculars like SING JOHN DENVER in a talent show), stellar employee who has advocated for herself and found ways to make it all work, and so good at managing time and energy and money — I am taking notes! I want to start cooking like you do on Sundays with big batches of things to last through the week.

                2. Jennifrer*

                  You may certainly think about it, and I know the feeling of “if I accept this kindness, will the world take something good from my life?”

                  I will do my best to remember to check back here for your response. Alison, if there’s an easy way for us to pass contact information safely here, would you kindly let me know?

              2. Scrumtrillescent*

                Dear Jennifrer, It wouldn’t let me reply to your more recent comment. I would love to be your friend! Here is my email address. I know this means that I may be contacted by Nigerian princes and people who want to sell me Rolex watches for cheap, but I think it would be worth it. :) the5thgroover@gmail.com :)

                Anyone else is welcome to email as well.

        6. JessaB*

          Time is just as important as money. Having your kids able to do means you don’t have to, which means you burn out slower. You have a little time to rest yourself and do even a minimum amount of self care. Which is VITAL. Even mental care like your kid doing their medications, means you don’t have to spend that thinking time. Doing all the emotional, memory labour is WORK. I am the memory keeper in my household because Mr B has legit memory problems. It’s WORK remembering all the appointments, and the we have to do this or that, or remind to ask his boss about x. So any work you don’t have to do yourself is a gift to you. AND a gift to them because they know how to do it. When they leave the house they’re going to know how to take care of themselves. That’s freedom for them.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            This is so true. Something that really bothered me when I was married (and makes me think that I will never be in another relationship and that I will eventually die alone, but I am OK with that.) (No, really, two of my friends and I are on Team Eventually Die Alone and we go to dinner once a month and we’re like “NEVER SETTLE”) was how TOTALLY OK my ex husband was with just sitting down and chilling while I was clearly still up and doing work. I think that a family should work until the work is done and then enjoy their down time together. And so as soon as the kids were two, they had chores and we work side by side until the work is done and then we have our down time. Sometimes it is together, sometimes it is not. But there is no sitting on the couch, zoned out in front of the TV, while one person shoulders all responsibility as well as a huge planet of resentment.

            1. Nic*

              You are teaching your kids such amazing lessons. I hope that they come to realize how fantastic you are. So many parents don’t parent seem to realize that they’re training small squiggly creatures to be humans, and preferably GOOD humans. You seem to.

              My parents raised me with a culture similar to yours, though the situations were different. Their raising ingrained the same types of values that you seem to be teaching your kids. It has served me VERY WELL, and until I was in my 30s I didn’t really understand what a brilliant gift they had given me.

              I hope your kids take to heart the lessons you’re sharing. So awesome of you!

        7. Speedy*

          I grew up as the only child of a single mom who worked long shifts in healthcare. She would wake me up before she left, and come home around 7:30 or 8 pm. Our circumstances had greatly improved by the time I was in high school, but I was still responsible for so much. I learned time-management, how to shop for cheap, and how to maintain a house. It made me navigate adulthood so much easier. Trust me, your kids will be well-equipped for life after they leave your home.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Would it be OK if I asked you a question? (OK, maybe some questions?) I don’t know many people who grew up in similar circumstances to my kids? You may totally say no.

            1. Frankie Bergstein*

              I hope it’s okay if I answer too! I grew up in a household that started out with limited resources but that changed over time. For my parents, time was ALWAYS extremely limited. I looked after my sister, did the household laundry, kept the house clean in the summers, cooked food sometimes, and did some of the emotional labor pieces for parents (the last bit wasn’t healthy, but the rest meant that I confidently know how to run a household). My Mom cooked a whole, whole lot, so I learned how to do that too. And our food repertoire was pretty inexpensive because we eat a lot of rice and beans then build off of that (add veggies, switch up beans for something else).

              I didn’t learn how to manage money well when I was growing up, except that my parents were pretty frugal and not materialistic, so I turned out like that too. But some of that is because things are different now — e.g., retirement planning for a millennial is a different beast than for a baby boomer.

              If I were to change anything about growing up, it wouldn’t be the household chores or anything. My parents were kind of stressed out and unhappy – that is putting it mildly – but that mood (if you will) is the only thing I’d change. I didn’t mind cooking/cleaning/laundry/sharing a room with my sister because it was all temporary as weird as that sounds – I left for school at 16.

              Anyway – I’m really resonating with your sharing how you do things!

              1. Scrumtrillescent*

                I’m the happiest I’ve ever been now. But there are times that I am stressed out, for sure. (Twice, within a week of paying off all of my debt, my van has required expensive repairs and I’ve had to max out all of my credit cards immediately again.) I’m sure my kids pick up on that. I have been unhappy, very unhappy, in the past. I have about five years of good counseling under my belt. (I just go back for the occasional tune ups now.) The kids are all in counseling because even though we’ve gotten to a more stable place, they still have to navigate a difficult relationship with their dad and I feel like they probably did not come out of such…dire circumstances as the ones we lived in just a few years ago…unscathed is probably too strong a word…but unaffected? Maybe?

                If you’re comfortable answering, I’d like to know how you knew your parents were kind of stressed out and unhappy. What contributed to the mood in your house? What could have changed it? (If anything?) Were there ever any breaks in the clouds? What did those look like? (If you had them.) If you don’t want to answer, I understand. These are very personal, intrusive questions. I don’t know what parts of what I am doing matter and which parts don’t and I want to put my energy into the parts that matter.

                1. SmallCog*

                  So much of what you say resonates with me. Stay at home mom for so many years, divorced from the sit around and play computer games while you frantically deal with kids man, who ended up with so. much. money. compared to us, stressful terrifying divorce during which I was worried all the time – and that negatively impacted the kids – but so much happier now. Kids doing well, pretty much, paying our bills, still a little too close to the edge but man, I’m fist-bumping you on Team Never Settle!

          2. miss_chevious*

            I wasn’t an only child, but I was one of two of a single mom and a latchkey kid from my second day of kindergarten, so I’m right there with you. It was a challenge sometimes, but it really fostered my independence and understanding of what my responsibilities are in life. These kids are going to be able to handle themselves as adults in awesome ways.

            1. Scrumtrillescent*

              Would it be OK if I asked you some questions around that? If I’m asking questions beyond what you’re comfortable answering, please do not feel pressured to answer.

              Up until I got my current job about 6 months ago, I spent over 7 years working a job that required Saturdays. It was also a super draining job and I would come home every single day feeling like I’d given every speck of anything I had to give. Because I have so many kids, I had to save up paid time off for illness. (Because illnesses would spread through our house very quickly. If one kid gets the flu, we’re all getting the flu and we could be down for a week or more.) We are only just now getting to the point where I could leave maybe my oldest two home alone if they were sick with something minor. My oldest is 16 but he has autism so it’s taking longer to get to independence for him.

              Because I had to (and still do, to be honest) save up my paid time off for illnesses, this means that I’ve missed a lot of holiday parties, chaperoning field trips, school programs, and school/community events. Extra curricular activities have been almost 0. (The girls are in Girl Scouts. My son didn’t want to do Boy Scouts or school sports. He was in band for a year and quit because he didn’t like it.) Did you have a similar experience growing up? If your parents had to miss things like performances or parties, did you understand? Or was it hurtful to you? Or do you not even remember whether they showed up or not at this point? For most of my kids, their whole lives up to this point (other than the six months at New Job) their only memories are of me working my previous job which kept me away from them a lot. I love the fact that with my new job that I get to see them so much more, but it also really drives home the point that I have missed out on a whole lot with them, and it is time that I can’t get back. I try not to think about that too much because I want to be a present parent and I don’t want to be paralyzed by guilt…but that thought sits stubbornly in the back of my mind.

              1. laylaaaaaaaah*

                If it helps, my Dad worked three jobs when I was a kid, and was basically only at the house to sleep and occasionally eat (but he’d more often than not take sandwiches to work with him). Once he was on a business trip that lasted MONTHS. My mum was stay at home, but my two sisters were usually ill, so I didn’t see either of my parents much, or get to spend much quality time with either of them.

                I think they both still carry a lot of baggage around it (my Dad sat me down and apologised to me for not being around much right before I left for college), but like… I don’t remember it much? What I remember is the times we /did/ spend together- Christmases and those birthdays Dad could make it to (those he couldn’t, I remember running around with friends, which is also a great set of memories), cuddling in bed when we were all sick, etc.

                tl;dr You sound like someone who’s trying her best to love her kids and raise them well. Trust me when I say your kids are picking up on both those things.

                2. Mimi Glitternaut*

                  “What I remember is the times we /did/ spend together”
                  THIS, about a zillion times. My mom worked her ass off, and there was a little while as a kid that I kind of resented her not being room mother or scout leader or whatever like my friends’ moms, but as an adult I remember Every. Single. Time. she came to school or did something special with me, and they are treasured memories.

                  Your kids sound really lucky to have a mom that cares so much, and I wish you all well.

              3. CM*

                I didn’t have this experience growing up, so this is secondhand. When I’ve talked to people I know who had parents who missed out on recitals, games, etc. because of work, some were upset about it at the time and others didn’t mind. But all say that as adults, they finally understand and are so appreciative of how hard their parent worked to support them. (This only applies when the work was not optional — I don’t hear the same thing from, say, kids of workaholic hedge fund managers.) So please, leave the paralyzing guilt behind. You had to prioritize and it sounds like you are doing an incredible job raising your family — and the time will come when your kids are grown and on their own, and then they’ll realize the full scope of everything you gave to them.

              4. General Ginger*

                Scrumtrillescent, I didn’t grow up in exactly these circumstances, but I hope you don’t mind me chiming in about my mother missing my school programs and events.

                When I was very young, I was raised by my grandparents, and my mother was working full time and also freelancing heavily, living separately from us during most of that time. I never resented her for missing all my events then, because I knew that she was working hard for our family, and the times I did have with her counted that much more.

                Our situation changed when I was in my teens; we were financially comfortable and she went from working part-time to being a SAHM. She didn’t attend most of my events, with the general rationale of “you don’t really need me to be there, do you?” — and that really, really stung.

                I think that when kids know you’re trying to do your best, and that you have to prioritize so much, and that you have to keep food on the table, they do appreciate it and understand it, and especially will as adults. There is a world of difference between knowing you have a parent who cares even if she can’t always be physically there, and just a parent who’s not there.

        8. Samata*

          I just want to say that I don’t know you but am so proud of you for 1) all you do and 2) how self-sufficient your kids are! This is probably an overshare but I teared up a little by the end of this comment.

          You also have some great tips for those of us without kids but also without a lot of extra time due to multiple jobs, family obligations, etc. Thank you!

          And that supply room bit sounds amazing. I need to find one of those to escape to also!

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Thank you, so, so much. No one speaks to me like this, ever. (Well, except for Mr. Rogers.) (But he says that to everyone.) My kids aren’t quite to the age where they understand or appreciate the work that goes into being a parent. So, thank you. This is wonderful, this helps me keep going, because sometimes it is very difficult!!!

            1. OhBehave*

              Parenting is not for the weak!
              Being both mom and dad is a daunting thought. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Letting kids be kids while they are also learning a ton of life skills is a balancing act to be sure. My kids are very well-equipped to be on their own. Our oldest just moved out and she’s doing well.
              I applaud the effort and determination you have in making sure your kids are going to be contributing members of their home. They will make sure their own children will do the same. Good Job, Mama!!!

            2. King Friday XIII*

              Seconding the above comment. I’m trying hard to raise a self-sufficient and empathetic preschooler, but it’s a ton of work, and there’s just one Princess Tuesday and two of us! I’m in awe of how much you love your kids and how hard you work for them. I hope things continue to get better for your family.

            3. SmallCog*

              If it’s any help, my kids DO tell me how much they appreciate me. They DO find the words, both for the things I taught them, for staying home and homeschooling them when I could, for teaching them about food and books and words, for getting a good job and rising to the challenges when we split up, for kicking a bad subsequent boyfriend ™ to the curb, for general badassery. There has been good therapy for the one leading the charge in this case, so you’re on the right track! (Also mine are about 7 or so years older than yours, as far as I can tell). The kids know, and they will in fact tell you eventually.

        9. Bob*

          I’ve never tried it (don’t have a library card) but there is a free service called Hoopla that lets you get digital content from your library system, including movies on an Apple TV.

    4. LizardBrain*

      How do you afford childcare for five kids? That always seems like a massive expense, especially for a single parent with only one income.

      1. Scrumtrillescent*

        We receive childcare assistance. We’re in the US and I think every state has some version of this through their Workforce Commission. We don’t qualify for any other type of government assistance, so I sometimes wonder if there are a lot of people out there who qualify for this resource but don’t know that they do. In our state, the program is called CCMS. Not every day care center accepts it, kind of like how not every doctor accepts Medicaid. I pay a portion each month and CCMS pays the rest. I’m almost positive that they negotiate a lower rate than what the other parents pay, but I’m not certain. If you know people who could benefit from this program, please spread the word. I found out about it by accident. In my state, there’s even a calculator where you can plug in the necessary info to see if you might qualify so you don’t waste your time applying for it if you wouldn’t qualify.

        1. she was a fast machine*

          I used to work for a Workforce Office and it was amazing how few people knew about the childcare assistance. It was a shame because there was no money to advertise it really but so many people in our community who could use it. I’m glad it’s helped you!

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Yes, it really is amazing. So many people don’t know about it because they don’t qualify for any other kind of assistance. Day care would be more money than I make, otherwise. It’s a wonderful program. It has profoundly changed my life.

    5. Katie*

      Any tips on getting kids clothes that don’t wear out or stain immediately? I don’t see my kids as more active or messy than others and yet I feel like they wear stuff out instantly unless it’s the iron-knee type uniform pants… and those seem magnetically attracted to oils that stain and seem to never come out. I see people talk about hand me downs and I feel like past toddlerhood, my kids stuff doesn’t last to be passed down.

      1. Scrumtrillescent*

        OH MY GOSH, SAME. My kids have to wear uniforms to school, so I do pretty much only get them the iron knee type uniform pants. And, I only get them the navy blue ones to boot! Because they can stain the khaki ones too easily. I only get polos they can’t stain…so we get navy blue and purple…and black…very deep forest green…that might be all. Ha ha. My girls play outside a lot and play pretty rough. They’ll get holes in the knees of leggings all day long, and nothing I say will deter them. (I have made them pay for replacement pants though.)

        I’ve noticed that higher quality clothes seem to resist stains better. My kids have been able to hand down quite a few Gymboree pieces. They’ve been able to hand down a few things from Children’s Place too. But like…those shelves of $3 shorts and t-shirts at Walmart are never able to be handed down. Same with the ones at Target. And I don’t really shop for the type of clothes that hold up well. Fortunately, people see how many kids I have and feel compelled to give me *their* hand me downs. Sometimes we pick up some nice pieces that way. Oh! And, also, sometimes hand me downs don’t work because of the size and the season. I try not to marry myself to the idea of hand me downs for that reason. Except for those school uniforms. I need those to last forever. So I get the darkest colors I can and sometimes will even get the boys’ ones so that they’ll be even tougher and last longer.

        1. Just Jess*

          I just google’d whether clothing for boys was tougher than girls’ clothing and was shocked to find out that that actually is a thing!

        2. sometimeswhy*

          I got a lot a lot a lot of hand-me downs too and was in the last wave of my social circle to have infants so I (we, really) didn’t have anyone to pass stuff along to. As things didn’t work because of seasons or size or style, I took the nicer items to consignment shops and got stuff on trade which ended up landing me some nice Gymboree and Children’s Place pieces. (And this was a couple decades ago; nice to hear they’re still making durable stuff.)

        3. OhBehave*

          I used to get a lot of my kids clothes at garage sales. There are tons of quality things to be had for pennies. I once outfitted my son for a summer by spending $11.00. I was pretty proud of that!

        4. King Friday XIII*

          You’re sooooo right about Gymboree! I find that buying secondhand means it’s already stood up to one kid so it’s less likely to wear out anyway. We’ve gotten a ton of clothes for our kid from our local Buy Nothing group – if you’re not familiar, check Facebook to see if there’s one in your area. Each one runs a bit differently but it’s all freely given stuff. We’ve gotten entirely garbage bags of clothes for our kid, she gets to pick out what she wants to keep and then we pass the rest along. People give away all kinds of stuff on there. I’ve gotten rid of craft supplies, helped give dolls to a kid who wanted some for Christmas, and picked up a leather coat for Queen Sara in that group as well. Between those and the half-price holiday sales at Value Village, we keep our kid in clothes without worrying too much, and we can cycle out when the seasons change.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Whaaaaaaat????? This sounds like the most Magical Facebook Group of all time. I’m going to look this up right now. Thank you!

      3. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

        See if you have a store called Crazy 8 in your area. It was a lifesaver when my kids were younger. If I remember correctly, they run a bit small but I think they go up to size 10 or 12.

      1. Scrumtrillescent*

        Always let them finish their angry rant. They’ve probably been talking to a recording or listening to hold music for awhile and have come to a rolling boil by the time they’ve got you on the phone. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated poorly, and I support you if you want to end a call if someone is using foul language or saying terrible things. From what I’ve seen, though, people at work would hang up on someone for cursing and then that person would call back 10x as angry. And that’s no good. So, I’ve spoken to people on the phone who told me they were going to come up to my work and throw something at me (but never like…follow me home and murder me. At that point, I’d call the police.) But, yeah, I kind of just let them get all the bad meanness out of their system, I keep a notepad close by so I can write down pertinent information so I can keep my questions to a minimum. I also write down questions that I’ll need to ask them on the piece of paper. (So I’ll draw a vertical line down the middle and put stuff they said on one side and stuff I need to ask on the other.) I make sure to take deep breaths, I make sure to not interrupt (unless they’re going to just yell forever and the call queue behind them is backing up, then I’ll say something like “In order to respect your time, may I ask you a few questions/start working on a resolution for you/get you to the right person?”

        The best advice I can give is to try to not get angry back. Some people are able to do that in a “Love everybody” type way. I am not that kind of person. But I am highly competitve. So I try to beat them at getting mad. As mad as they get, I try to get calm. Calmer. Kinder. It doesn’t read as condescending or “Bless your heart.” It’s just a challenge to me, from me. I’ve seen a lot of my coworkers try to be “right” with customers (i.e. the opposite of wrong) but when you’re screaming and cursing at someone, you can never be right. You’re automatically wrong. So they don’t need me to interrupt them or point out the mistakes they made that contributed to the position they’ve found themselves in. I can just quietly give them room to scream and be unreasonable and the fact that they’re wrong just kind of settles over the both of us. Eventually they run out of steam and they still need help and they don’t have anything to yell about anymore, so they have to listen to you.

        At my high-conflict job, I had to frequently give people unexpected bad news and give them options that they did not like. I then had to get them to choose one of the options so I could go on to my next customer (angry person) because we were judged (and our promotions and raises) were based on customer satisfaction and timeliness. Again, I would present what was happening like a problem that we were going to solve together. “Because of _____, as it turns out ________. This means the options we have to choose from are X, Y, and Z. I will help you with whichever of those options you’d prefer. If you’d like to know which one I’d choose if I were you, I’ll weigh in with my perspective. But if there’s one you’re leaning toward, let me know, and we’ll get it going for you.”

        Does that help?

        1. Star Nursery*

          Thanks for sharing your perspective when dealing with difficult callers and for the script response. I’m going to save this. I’m super impressed and your kids are blessed to have you raising them!

    7. Amelia*

      How do you keep calm when people get angry at you? I have an unfortunate tendency to burst into tears.

      1. Scrumtrillescent*

        When people get angry at me, I feel like I can’t breathe properly and my face gets hot and my brain kind of blanks out. So, what I do (in a work situation, I do handle life situations somewhat differently) is try to counteract the ways I know my body will react. I take slow deep breaths (without making it seem like I am deeply sighing at what the person is saying), I try to remain open to what they’re saying by listening intently and by making sure my body language communicates that I am open (not that I am opposing them or closed off to them or dismissing them). I make mental notes of points I need to address and I do my best to not interrupt them. (In most cases, I can let them vent at me. On the rare occasion, if they could really monologue at me for like…twelve minutes, I might gently call for a time out.)

        While they’re talking, I will make small, quite sounds that do not derail them but show that I am listening and that what they’re saying is impacting me. Once they’re finished, I try to thank them for sharing that with me (genuinely), I apologize for the experience that they’ve had (even if everything worked the exact way it’s supposed to, no one wants a customer to have an interaction with a company or product that is so negative it makes them want to scream at someone), and then I say “Would it be alright with you if I ask you a few questions, just to clarify a few things for myself, so I can best address your concerns and make sure we get the right resolution in place for you.” I always try to approach it as there’s this problem to solve and the customer and I are on a team to solve it. And the customer has been trying to solve it without me and is frustrated and they’re telling me about their experience before I arrived. They’re not mad at me. It isn’t personal. They’re telling me so I can help them.

        It’s totally understandable to want to burst into tears…it is not a normal human interaction for someone to meanly yell at you. It’s the bad kind of surprising, it’s an unkind way to treat a person, it’s embarrassing, and a whole lot of other things too! But, in jobs where having people yell at you is kind of par for the course (I worked at the Genius Bar for 8 years), you kind of figure out the ways to make that stop happening as fast as possible.

        Also, I’m weirdly and deeply competitive so when someone is losing their “shizz” I like to play a game where I will be super eerily calm. Like I will be even more calm than they are angry right then. And then it’s a contest. And I almost always win. So if you have a weird competitive streak, maybe try that?

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            I hope it helps! And that people will be surprisingly kind and that you won’t have to use it.

        2. pugsnbourbon*

          I am so, so impressed by everything you’ve written here. If you started a blog or wrote a book, dollars to doughnuts people would read it.

          1. Scrumtrillescent*

            Thank you! I have thought about it before, but I’m not sure what kind of blog or book it would be. I live a very uncommon life. I am unsure of how relatable it is, what parts of my life people would be interested in, etc.

    8. AMT27*

      Wow. I don’t know how you do all of this, its really impressive. I’m a single parent to only two and most days it feels like I’m about to crack. I finished my degree a few months ago, while working full time with two kids, and whenever someone asked me how the only way I could ever explain it was you just have to, you don’t have a choice. Whenever I’m crazy busy ‘just keep swimming’ runs through my head constantly – and for me, that’s the key. Just keep moving and doing because if I stop doing all the things I might never manage to summon the energy to start again, its too daunting.

      1. Scrumtrillescent*

        Going to school while working and parenting is an enormous accomplishment! I’m proud of you!! That is really impressive and has probably had a hugely positive impact on all of your lives. It can feel daunting. I’ve tried to instill a love for the things that “fill my cup” in my kids. So we will hike at the nature center or go to the beach (The lake beach. It works.) or color or have a picnic. So, I’m getting my “me” time in while they’re having fun and we are spending time together, which is also nice.

  6. Goya de la Mancha*

    I’m good at napping and eating, happy to answer any questions on those!

    I jest ;) This is a great idea, look forward to reading everything!

    2. Kourei*

      I like to snooze with a warm platter of food balanced on my chest. The warmth helps me sleep, and it’s convenient to have something already prepared when I inevitably wake up hungry. Yesterday afternoon, I turned over in my sleep and spaghetti went everywhere. I tried to round up all 8 meatballs, but only located 7. I think there’s one way, way down between the couch cushions, but I’m too tired to look.

      Can you recommend a food that will stay warm for a 30 minute nap, but is less messy?

      1. Goya de la Mancha*

        I think the more pressing matter is why are you only taking 30 minutes for your nap??

        1. sunshyne84*

          I was going to ask you how to take shorter naps… I don’t think what I do can even be considered a nap at up to 4 hours.

          1. NewJobWendy*

            Very seriously: get more sleep at night and have regular bed time / wake up that you stick to even on the weekend. Also ensure you are getting enough iron. Excessive tiredness can be a sign of anemia. I am a power-napper: 15 to 20 minutes is all I need to feel great. But I also get 8 hours of sleep every night.

          2. Goya de la Mancha*

            Think of it as 4 consecutive 1 hour naps :-D

            Otherwise, set an alarm and don’t snooze it when it goes off. You’ll be groggy at first and want to sleep more, but once you’re up and moving things will be easier.

            1. whingedrinking*

              As someone who struggles to get out of bed every single day, I recommend phone apps that use your step counter and won’t stop until you’ve walked a given number of steps, or setting an alarm – phone or alarm clock or whatever – and placing the device in another room. A combination of these two works best for me, because if I just use the step counter, I sometimes just shake my phone until it stops, and I tend to walk to the other room, turn off the alarm, and go back to bed. Also, make your bed as soon as you get out of it, and turn on a light as soon as you wake up.

            2. Lynn*

              And never go back to snoozing! I’ve never been much of a snoozer, but some days you need a little extra. That’s why I always set two alarms- one for when I’d like to get up, and one for 15 minutes later when I need to get up. Usually, the first alarm is fine, but if I turn it off and decide I really need more sleep, I have that backup alarm that has an actually useful length of extra sleep. Because you’re not getting useless, interrupted 2 minute bits of sleep like when you snooze, that extra 15 minutes is usually plenty to at least be able to wake up and start moving.

      2. ThatGirl*

        This is a very odd and hilarious mental image.

        Maybe put it in a microwaveable container with a lid?

      3. Kourei*

        I’ve been taking 30 minute naps because I don’t like the food to get too cold. But the microwave container idea made me realize: heat! and a lid! I’m gonna try a container with a lid, wrapped in an electric blanket. Fingers crossed for a long, tidy nap.

        Thank you both for your help!

    3. Buffy Summers*

      Can you advise on what you’ve found to be the best napping position? There are, of course, advantages and disadvantages to each, for example I’ve found that napping on my side increases my drool output, but it seems to be the most restful for me. How would you recommend I overcome the drooling aspect of the side nap?

      1. Goya de la Mancha*

        Best nap position is horizontal, though I’ve managed a few decent ones in a semi-vertical position.

        Drool, alas, this seems to be an unavoidable consequence of a good nap. Other then duct taping your jaw closed or covering your pillow with a towel, I’ve got nothing.

      2. ErinW*

        I lay on my back lengthwise on the couch, slightly elevated against the arm, and nestle my head into the couch back. IT IS HEAVEN. Generally my Kindle is open on my chest because I was, in theory, reading.

      1. Goya de la Mancha*

        Why are you terrible? Can’t calm your mind? Need noise/silence or light/dark? Can’t get comfy?

      2. Little Twelvetoes*

        I posted later about my knowledge in accounting and financial reporting for a local government’s share of a statewide pension system. Might I recommend a copy of a Governmental Accounting Standards Board (GASB) Statement No. 68 for some light reading? Should put you out in three…two…one…zzzzzz…

      3. Anxa*

        Same.

        For me the struggle is in the timing. How can I set my alarm for a 30 minute nap if I’m not sure I can fall asleep in 30 minutes at all? What if it takes me only 10 mins to fall asleep? But what if it takes 29?

        1. M-C*

          The point of napping is not just the actual sleeping, but the lying down and relaxing. To me, the fact that I know there’s an alarm and I can’t end up sleeping the entire afternoon away adds a whole lot to the relaxation. In fact I can feel perfectly fine after sleeping 5-10mn, even if I had 30mn to do it in, it’s not a waste.

          Sleeping is one of those autonomous nervous system things (like heartbeat or digestion) that’s best left unexamined. The more you scrutinize it and worry about it, the less it’s going to happen. Just putting attention on it interferes with its natural rhythm. So try to just chill..

          1. Lynn*

            Agreed! Don’t think of it as trying to sleep, think of it as laying down and resting for whatever length of time you have available. Even if you never actually fall asleep, you’ll still get a nice quiet rest.

    5. Naptime Enthusiast*

      You beat me to it!! :)

      How do you successfully nap with a jumpy animal? My dog freaks out when I move during and nap and won’t lay back down in a comfortable position.

      1. Goya de la Mancha*

        Other then the golden rule that when your pet falls asleep on you – you. don’t. move.

        Offta I don’t have experience in this, I have to shove my 75lb lab off me when my extremities lose circulation.

    6. Chronie Accountant*

      Honestly, I’ve begun coffee napping. It’s the best thing ever. You basically chug a cup of coffee (which takes 20-30 min to really affect you) and then take a nap. When you wake up, you get both the energy of the caffeine and the nap. Literally how I get through busy season now, and how I got through working three jobs and being a full-time student. :)

      2. M-C*

        I have experimented with that too (I was boggled when I first read of the concept) and I can testify that it works really well. When the point of the nap is to make you more productive. Many of my naps are instead just ways to feel like I can enjoy myself more :-)

  7. Bekx*

    Photoshop & InDesign for sure!

    Since there’s 200 ways to do the same thing, if other people want to jump in and answer, go ahead.

      1. Bekx*

        Check and see if your library offers free access to Lynda.com. They are the best.

        But honestly, I taught myself when I was 13ish just by playing around in the programs. For Photoshop, pick out something easy you want to learn how to do (for me, it was the rainbow eye thing that Photoshop 5 had on it’s box). I learned from good-tutorials.com and Livejournal, back in the day. Now, YouTube and Lynda.com are the best sources.

        What helps the most is to just get in there and play around with something. Don’t save it, just figure out how things interact. With Photoshop, really try to watch videos and read tutorials on Layers. Once you master Layers, you really are starting to understand Photoshop. For indesign, just play! That’s a much easier program than Photoshop, in my opinion. Create a fake newspaper or design a flyer!

        1. animaniactoo*

          In particular, I really really recommend Deke McClelland’s Lynda.com stuff. He’s very in-depth and does a lot of “I prefer this way, but some people prefer that way” stuff and with a major lean on “whatever works best for you, since this can be done several different ways”.

        2. Adlib*

          For a while my company had a subscription to Lynda.com for some departments. Might be something for people to look into at their company. I love that service!

          1. betty (the other betty)*

            Lots of public libraries have Lynda.com subscriptions that library card holders can use for free.

            1. Ornery PR*

              This is amazing! I just canceled my account because it was getting too pricey, and my library offers it. Thanks for the info!

        3. Zanar*

          Totally agree! I watched many tutorials but until I was working on my own project with my own photos, nothing really clicked for me. Then I went back online and found tutorials to show me how to do the specific thing I was lacking.

      2. Fuzzy pickles*

        Non destructive editing is your best friend in PS, if you ask me. Erase nothing and mask/ smart filter everything you can.

        1. Bekx*

          YES, exactly. The day I learned Layer Masks was a mindblowing day.

          My first step in Photoshop is ALWAYS ctrl+j (duplicate layer) and then I hide the original layer. You always want to have a backup.

          1. Fuzzy pickles*

            Exactly! I just taught an intern how to do this earlier this month. I wanted give her graphic design professor a good scolding because they spent five minutes on PS and he showed them only the eraser tool. Eraser isn’t a tool it’s a bucket of acid… professor’s a tool though.

          2. animaniactoo*

            Heh heh. For me, it was when layer masks were introduced. I remember one particular project that if I had just done it 6 months later after 3.0 was introduced, I could have done so much more work with it. But it was an amazing piece of photomerge work for prior to that!

        2. Technical Writer*

          I’m going to be contrary here, just to provide another point of view.

          Non-destructive editing is absolutely the standard in most professions. But, there are specific cases in which destructive editing is absolutely required, and my job is one of them!

          I take photographs of alpha and beta technology for documentation. These large, heavy pieces of equipment are often located in an R&D lab, where the background of any given photo may contain projects in multiple stages of development. In field testing, these pieces of equipment are on a customer site, and cannot give away any of the customer’s information. It is required that all background in these photos be erased before the photos are used for any documentation.

          1. Fuzzy Pickles*

            That’s interesting. My method would be to mask them non-destructively and export an image that was flattened so they couldn’t be plied apart by the end user but my master copy would remain adjustable.

            Of course, the above method is only effective if every party involved knows you only send the files in the Exports folder.

      4. she was a fast machine*

        For the love of god, don’t let yourself get too deep into downloading actions/psds: you need to learn how to do things and not JUST use the tools others have created. I’ve been in PS for about a decade or more and I’ve downloaded some resources(actions, in this case, which are like macros from word/excel) that followed a convoluted path to get somewhere that could have been done twice as easy if the maker had understood how the program worked. So TL;DR being, stick to physical or video tutorials and away from pre-made PSDs/actions until you’re confident in your skills.

      5. Tara2*

        Other people commented well on tutorials, and I agree with Lynda.

        However, I’d also suggest not just following tutorials for things and try to learn a bit by just using the tools, trying each option and see what changes in your image while you use them. It helped me gain a deeper understanding of what the tools do.

        For instance, if you are following a tutorial and it tells you to change the layers mode to Overlay, click on the other options too, and see what those look like as well.

    2. CDel*

      I second the call for good online tutorials! I am using the Adobe Suite much more for work now and I don’t have a resource in my office to answer questions. I’ve bought the For Dummies book but, apparently I need the For Absolute Idiots version instead.

    3. Shrugged*

      Ooo! I have an old photo (25+ years) that has been stored in a 90s self-sticking album. I recently retrieved it, intending to scan and have copies made for my kids. But when I got there, I found that all the blue had leached out of the sky, and the pink colors have faded, too. I went to touch it up in Lightroom, but it turns out my Lightroom license expired and I haven’t got enough money to renew it right now. My office provides Photoshop, and I can use it after hours for personal projects. I’m reasonably familiar with things like headswaps and layering photos, but can I touch the photo colors up there too?

      1. Bekx*

        Yes, absolutely!

        If you still have some color there, like the pinks:
        I’d create a Hue/Saturation layer adjustment mask (that’s the half black/half white circle in the layers palette). Click the “master” drop down and go to Magenta for pinks. Bring up the saturation a bit and see if that helps.

        To add in the blues I usually use curves. You’d make a new curves layer adjustment mask. Click the “RGB” drop down and change to blue. If you pull the diagonal line north-west, you will add more blue color. Don’t worry if this is adjusting everything in the photo, this is why we’re using an adjustment mask. Once the sky looks right (you may have to go into red and pull south-east) press ok and CLICK ON to the layer mask. It’s the white box that is now locked to your curves layer. Take the brush tool and make sure the color is set to black. Brush over the parts you don’t want to be blue (or, what I do, fill the entire thing with black and then switch to white and brush the sky back). This will ONLY affect the sky. Hopefully that makes some sense. If it doesn’t, look up a tutorial on curves and layer masks.

        There’s like 10 different ways to do this, I’m interested to see what others would suggest!

        2. animaniactoo*

          While it has a bad taste in the mouth for a lot of people, I am a huge huge huge fan of using “Selective Colors” as a layer mask filter. You need to change the bottom setting from the default of “relative” to “absolute” for best effect. It used to be relatively clunky at distinguishing color/how it added. But it’s come a long way and its ability to distinguish between faint areas of color can really help you push along different channels without having to interpret an RGB curve. Depending on the color composition, you might have the best effect at adding color into the “neutrals” for sky, while pumping more magenta into “magenta”

          I would also try playing with the Vibrance – Vibrance similarly pulls on the “fainter” colors to pump them up, and if there’s enough in there for it to get a read on, it could be a close-to-one-shot solution.

          1. she was a fast machine*

            +this

            I do a lot of unnatural colorings and selective color and vibrance are a godsend to help treat old images that often suffer from bizzare colors due to age.

    4. I am procrastinating currently*

      I upgraded my computer recently (hurrah!) and do not have a way to install my old Photoshop onto there (boo). Is there an older version of Photoshop that you would recommend that works well? I’m not even sure which CS version they’re up to. It’s still CS, right?

      1. T3k*

        Nope, they switched to CC (Creative Cloud) about 4 or so years ago. Basically, instead of the one high fee you paid for the suite/program, you now pay a small fee every month you want to use the program (s).

        1. Elizabeth West*

          This is why I can’t use it until I get a damn job. I can’t pay the stupid fee. Which isn’t that small.
          I do have Gimp, and I did use it to make my e-book cover with a lot of googling.

          1. Clippy*

            I’m currently using GIMP for some volunteer stuff I’ve been doing, and it’s not bad, if only because you can google most things you need to know how to do. I’m not a very advanced user though, more like a talented newbie, but it’s actually been kind of fun to learn by doing…

      3. she was a fast machine*

        Many people still use CS5 or CS6 which were the last two CS suites before they switched to CC. I personally really liked both of them, maybe even CS5 better, but I finally made myself get used to CC2018 when it got new features I really wanted.

      4. A Reader*

        Adobe actually said people can download Photoshop CS2 for free now. It’s definitely very outdated, but all the basics are there. I’m not sure where to find it (aside from being a pirate) but they were offering it, afaik for free for some reason. I would do a google query on Free Photoshop CS2 from Adobe and see what comes up. It was a couple years back when this was quietly announced.

    5. WellRed*

      How do you get rid of automatic text wrap in ID? I think somewhere along the way our templates got messed up and now I can’t fix it. It drives me crazy.

      1. Bekx*

        With absolutely nothing selected, go to window > text wrap and select the first option (no text wrap)

        1. WellRed*

          It’s not selected now. Whether it is selected or not, if I import a word doc, it comes in with wrap. If I jump text from one page to the next, it wraps the new block of text. I can turn off the wrap, but I don’t like doing it on every single thing, over and over. : /

          1. Bekx*

            Weird! Would you hate me if I recommend resetting your preferences? If you have a ton of preferences set, this will be a pain, but whenever something weird like this happens, it’s the first thing I try.

            (Windows) Start InDesign, and then press Shift+Ctrl+Alt. Click Yes when asked if you want to delete preference files.
            (Mac OS) While pressing Shift+Option+Command+Control, start InDesign. Click Yes when asked if you want to delete preference files.

            You have to do this while the loading screen pops up, not after.

            1. animaniactoo*

              Even before that, I would suggest checking the “Normal” style sheet, and seeing what’s listed there.

              Also – is it just when importing text from a word doc? If so, I would suggest making sure to transition the text through some form of a simple text editor that will strip all the formatting out of it before you import into ID.

    6. Thlayli*

      can you use photoshop to blow up a photo and make it look less pixelated? Does it have some sort of smoothing function? And is it any good?

      I have a photo that was shrunk to be emailed to me and I would love to print it out ~ A4 size but it’s too poor quality.

      1. Bekx*

        Not..really. If it’s already pixelated, you’re asking photoshop to create pixels that weren’t there to make it larger and well, that won’t work.

        Any chance you can ask the original sender to send you the file larger? If they can upload it on dropbox or wetransfer or something, then you’ll have a better quality photo.

      2. she was a fast machine*

        There are ways that will make it just look really smooth and blurry at a technically larger size, but once you’re increasing size that much(from what it sounds like you’re saying you have something that’s less than 1k pixels in size) there’s not much you can do to salvage it.

      3. Thlayli*

        Ok thanks. It looks ok in 6×4, a bit pixelated in 5×9, and I’m sure a 12×8 would look awful. It’s an old pic so no chance of the original anyway.

    7. Bee's Knees*

      Something I’ve found useful with Photoshop is to take some time in the afternoon when my work isn’t busy is to play with it. With their knowledge, I’ve Photoshopped several coworkers’ faces onto glamour shots from the internet, with mixed results. I have to use Photoshop almost daily, and I’d say 80-90% of the photos I get are old, or discolored, or both, and often grainy as well. While that does not require me to know how to paste someone’s face to a photo of a lady with hair that matches her poodles, it did help me learn to adjust the color levels, as well as the brightness and sharpness of the photos. Plus, it adds some levity that my job sorely needs some days.

    8. Ms. Pear*

      The earlier comments about preferences reminded me of an issue I’m having. Every time my computer updates, all my InDesign preferences disappear and have to be reset. Any suggestions on how to keep that from happening??

    1. Butch Cassidy*

      What are the best first things to learn for folks who want to start really digging into what Excel can do?

      I learned how to use it for mathematical formulas when I took Stats in college, but I regularly work with really complex sheets built by others and I want to be able to make the magic happen myself.

        1. Caramel & Cheddar*

          +1 if you regularly have to analyze huge tables of data to find some semblance of meaning in them.

      2. Detective Amy Santiago*

        Doing lookups is incredibly useful if you’re dealing with multiple sheets in one workbook. It’s a simple way to reflect the same data on multiple sheets. I’ve only used vlookups, but I know there have been folks here who recommend hlookups too.

        Countif also comes in handy for a lot of basic calculations.

        And I’ve found that pivot tables and conditional formatting always impress people.

        1. paul*

          Have you run into pivots getting clunky when they get larger, think like from a 5 or 10k rows and a dozen +columns? They work well for me for smaller datasets but once it gets large…I can’t tell if I’m doing something wrong or if it’s just the wrong tool for that type of job. I dn’t have access at home and it brings my work computer to its knees so I’ve never been able to give it a whirl.

          1. Q without U*

            Presuming that it’s the dataset that has thousands of rows, and not the pivot itself (cause that would definitely be unwieldy!), I do not have any trouble making a pivot off of a large dataset. I have made pivots with datasets of over 500K+ rows and dozens of columns without any performance issues.

          2. Not In US*

            I find pivot tables that you update monthly with new data attached to the existing data can get clunky and sometimes lose it’s mind (think thousands of rows in the data). I’m finding that if you re-select the full data set instead of just changing the formula to add the extra rows, it seems to work better and be less likely to fail. I also work with work books with multiple pivot tables sometimes with multiple data sets in them all in the thousands of rows for data and so the workbook itself can sometimes fail. I version everything so it’s just a manner of starting one month over rather than from scratch.

            1. Q without U*

              Don’t know if you’ve tried this, but if you convert the dataset into a table and name the table, you should not need to repoint the pivot after adding or deleting rows. Where it says “Select table or range”, just type in whatever you named your table.

              1. Samata*

                Oh this is a great tip! Thank you. Pivot tables changed my life once…but this might have just taken it to the next level.

          3. Karen P*

            Good afternoon Paul,
            Large datasets are always going to involve large file size, and a pivot will increase that significantly, since your sheet functionally stores the dataset twice. However, formatting (number formats, colors, typeset, alignment, borders, etc.) is a huge cause of inflated file size.

            Formatting (especially conditional formatting!) is an “expensive” form of data for Excel to store, and you can often cut your file size in half by ensuring that Excel stores fewer formatting instructions. Unless you’re very careful about how you build and maintain your dataset, your file is likely storing one set of formatting instructions for every cell in your table: super expensive. If the file is becoming cumbersome, try discarding all of your formatting and adding it back in groups instead. In other words, tell Excel to format an entire column as a percent, and entire row in bold, or the entire sheet in your chosen font. Rather than 10K formatting rules, it’ll hold only a handful. Don’t worry about the formatting on your pivot or summary tab, since it probably isn’t the culprit.
            If you want to give this a try, duplicate your dataset worksheet (tab) in case you don’t like the results. On one or the other, select the entire sheet (Ctrl+A *2, or the arrow in the top left corner), and from your Home ribbon choose Clear > Clear Formats. Then, go back and add in critical formatting, setting rules for entire datasheets, rows, and columns wherever possible. Some cell-specific formatting won’t hurt, especially in your header rows, but if you were holding independent formatting instructions for every cell in your dataset, this would significantly reduce your file size.
            Hope this helps!

        2. Q without U*

          Definitely agree about lookups! In fact, I will ask any candidate whose resume indicates that they’re an Excel “expert” to explain how a lookup works. I think it takes far more than that to be an expert – I certainly don’t think I am – but that’s a pretty good measure of whether they’re grossly exaggerating their skill level.

          1. Anna*

            I’m a bit confused by this. Do you ask your job candidate “how do lookups in spreadsheets work?”? Cause the (un-exciting) answer would be “you use the lookup function, give a cell and it returns the value”. Is that the answer you are looking for or is there more to lookups than I realize?

            1. sparty*

              I have a short excel test that I give that has real life examples of things my employee would do. It’s not a pass/fail, but more of a how much training would you require if hired.

            2. Q without U*

              Nope, that’s basically what I’m looking for, hopefully expanded with a bit more detail about telling it what value to look for and what range to look in. You would be surprised at the number of blank (or panicked) looks I’ve gotten from people who declared themselves Excel experts.

        3. Little Twelvetoes*

          Definitely look into switching to INDEX() with MATCH() nested inside for the row and or column. It is much more flexible than VLOOKUP() and HLOOKUP() as you can search any column or row of the array, not just the first.

          1. Jadelyn*

            I’m glad I stopped to read replies before jumping in with this. +100 to INDEX/MATCH rather than VLOOKUP. You have to get used to writing the formula basically “backwards” – telling it where to find the answer before you give it the question, more or less, it goes from VLOOKUP’s “look for X value in Y range and return corresponding value from column Z” to “in Z column, look for X value in Y range and return the corresponding value” – but once you make the brain switch to that, it’s so flexible. I have found precisely one case where I couldn’t use INDEX/MATCH and had to use VLOOKUP instead (and it was an enormous pain anyway, so when I figured out that VLOOKUP would work I wasn’t going to argue).

          2. Another Sara*

            Here’s an optimization tip for those using a lot of INDEX/MATCH/OFFSET formulas: the more calculations your cells are doing, the slower your spreadsheet will be. Doing INDEX + MATCH + OFFSET in 50,000 cells is going to be a lot slower than (say) using MATCH to get column/row numbers and then using only VLOOKUP/HLOOKUP/INDEX in the cells, referencing your predetermined column/row numbers. For small stuff or spreadsheets you don’t refresh often, this doesn’t matter, but if you’re working on a big spreadsheet (think projecting 30 years of monthly financial transactions) and notice it takes a long time to calculate, this is definitely something to look at.

            Another way to do lookups is to turn your source tables into actual Excel tables. Then, you can refer to columns by name. Google “Excel Table References” for more details. Super handy, and makes your formulas infinitely more readable. Tables don’t always work for every situation, but when they do, they are fantastic!

          3. Vauxhall Prefect*

            I was going to say something similar before finding your comment. It can be less intuitive, but INDEX/MATCH gives you a lot of flexibility.

            The one caveat I have is that I’ll normally use VLOOKUP (or H) in cases where I expect a wide range of other people to look at the workbook. INDEX/MATCH can be a bit harder to follow through for somebody else who needs to understand how the workbook works. In most cases I’ve found it much easier to get a non-expert Excel user to understand what the lookup does versus the INDEX/MATCH.

      3. sparty*

        Learn how to use match when using lookups. It’s much more flexible than typing in a column/row number. Also, very useful instead of a lookup is the offset function. The offset can lookup a specific location based on a reference number and a # of rows/columns away from that reference. Another useful tool for the offset function is using Named Ranges in a pivot table. Rather than having to update the size of your target range when updating data for a pivot table, put a named range of “Data” in the name manager and use the formula =offset(top left corner cell of your data range,0,0,CountA(column that has a data piece in every cell),CountA(row that has a data piece in every cell)). What the CountA does is counts cells that are populated, this defines the size of your array to use in the pivot table.

        1. sparty*

          Once you have the offset set-up right, your pivot tables will always be the size of your data source. If you add 3 more rows it will adjust the pivot next time you refresh without having the change the range.

        2. Linyarri*

          I agree using Index/Match is much more flexible than the Lookup options. However, it can be a bit more confusing. If you have the time try it, after you do it a few times it is easy.
          In this case VFB37 is in Column C & I want to find what is in column F on the Same row
          =VLOOKUP(“VFB37”,C:F,4,FALSE)
          =INDEX(F:F,MATCH(“VFB37”,C:C,0),1)

      4. Koko*

        I’m very much a learn-by-doing kind of person, so honestly, the way I got so good at Excel was by assuming that there was a fast and easy way to do everything I want to do, and then googling to find it.

        Any time you’re doing something in Excel that seems repetitive or tedious, or you need to rearrange the data in a predictable way and you’re doing it manually, that’s when you stop and Google, “Excel truncate after specific character” or “excel paste horizontal data vertically” or “Excel copy only visible cells” or “Excel return zero if #N/A error” or “Excel pivot chart two Y axes” or “Excel statistical significance between group values” …you get the idea.

        There is an extremely high likelihood that there’s a way to automate what you’re trying to do, and along the way you will amass a lot of skill and familiarity with functions, pivot charts and tables, and eventually you’ll get brave enough to feel comfortable trying out macros.

        1. Caramel & Cheddar*

          “I’m very much a learn-by-doing kind of person, so honestly, the way I got so good at Excel was by assuming that there was a fast and easy way to do everything I want to do, and then googling to find it.”

          This. I think only once (once!) was I trying to do something that Excel just couldn’t do. Otherwise, there’s a solution to nearly anything you want to accomplish, and it’s likely there’s a forum post somewhere out there where other people have already solved that problem.

        2. Jadelyn*

          Amen! My whole team thinks I’m an Excel witch, but it’s really more that I’m good at googling to find solutions for common problems and then tweaking those solutions to be applicable in other uses. Stackexchange and the Excel Forum are your friends.

      5. NoMoreMrFixit*

        Input formatting. Being able to define pick lists or upper/lower limits on values in cells is a God-sent blessing.

        Vlookups cannot get enough praise in my opinion. And while it’s been years since I did anything with macros and VBA, mastering that subject is worth the effort if you plan on working with Excel as a major part of your day.

      6. Jadelyn*

        In roughly this order: lookups (I recommend index/match rather than vlookup, but it’s good to understand both), pivots and slicers, and macros.

        If you’ve got access to complex sheets that other people have built, save a copy of the file somewhere well away from the original so you don’t run the risk of saving over anything, then use that as a base-point! Start tinkering – look at the formulas in the complex bits, google to see what they’re doing. Open up the VBA console and see if there are any macros at play. It’s often easier to start with something that’s already built and experiment with changing bits of it to see what each piece does, than to learn to build from scratch.

        That’s how I learned VBA – I recorded a couple of macros for things I regularly did, then went into the console and looked at the code it generated. Then started reading up on the functions it was using and getting acquainted with the syntax. I eventually was able to clean up the clunky code that the macro recorder generated into a nice sleek script that I’ve been able to repurpose and tweak for various other things since then.

      7. PNW*

        I manage a small team of data analysts and we use pivot tables/charts all the time. Personally, I use Vlookup quite a bit, too, when I am matching up data sets without sql.

    2. Ruthven Murgatroyd*

      I don’t have a working copy of Excel; how similar is it to Google Sheets? If I learn one well, will I be prepared to use the other?

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        It’s pretty similar. Sheets doesn’t have all of the same capabilities outright, but there are plenty of extensions you can get for Chrome that will fix that.

        For example, sorting by cell color isn’t a default option in Sheets, but you can get an add-on that will let you do it.

    3. Morning Glory*

      Is there any way to create a drop-list in excel that allows you to select multiple choices (select all that apply) instead of single-selection?

      1. sparty*

        Build your list of items you want in the drop down on a new tab labled “Lists”, go to the cell you want the drop down window and click Data, Data Validation down arrow, Data Validation, under Settings tab select “Any Value” and choose “List, go to the source and find the data list you had put together on your “Lists” tab.

        1. Morning Glory*

          Thanks for your response! That seems to only allow me to select one option from the drop down list. When you do it, you’re able to select more than one from the list?

        2. sparty*

          sorry, I misread, there can only be one answer in a cell, so no. But, you could use a series of check boxes. You need the developer ribbon, then Insert, Checkbox.

    4. Ashie*

      What’s the deal with VBA? I’m pretty confident with Excel but I feel like there’s a whole extra level of usefulness I could get out of it if I understood what that is and how it works.

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        I hope someone else jumps in and answers this because it’s a little above my current level.

      2. Trill*

        Visual Basics for Applications is Microsoft’s macro programming language. It’s useful for performingly tasks that would be repetitive and time consuming to do by hand. So long as you can logically define what you want the program to do (if x do a, if y do b), VBA can get it done for you. All you really need to make use of VBA is a general idea of key syntax and a bit of google-fu to make full use of Stack Overflow.

      3. Bored IT Guy*

        VBA can be used to do a lot of useful stuff. It is, at its heart, a programming language (relatively easy to use) that can be very versatile.

        A few examples of things that I’ve used VBA within Excel to accomplish:
        – Take user input to generate a formatted email in Outlook, complete with recipients, subject already filled in
        – Allow Excel to be used as a front-end to an Access database
        – Automate splitting up a report – When it comes in, all vendors are on one big list – created VBA code to automatically split the list out so each vendor is on their own tab
        – Use a user selection in a drop-down to edit a config file so that an application can connect to different servers
        – Interactive bingo sheet to be used on conference calls :)
        – Update a table with new information from a separate sheet, re-draw all graphs based on that data

      4. Excel Slayer*

        It can do… nearly everything you can think of except for getting you a cup of tea. My most recent thing I made for someone was spitting out an email using a template based on a line they’d just put in the spreadsheet, but seriously it can do SO MUCH. Anything as tiny as automatically saving, to pretty big programming projects.

      5. Linyarri*

        +1 on Stack Overflow.
        If you want to check it out I would suggest opening up the Developer ribbon and using the record button, then do some stuff in excel, stop the record, go into the macro and look at what it did.
        One simple use for VBA is to run the formulas vice putting the formula in cells. I do this on large sheets that take a long time to open/close due to the formulas.

      6. Jadelyn*

        VBA lets you automate things. Any repetitive task you have in Excel, VBA can automate for you. And because it’s Office-suite-wide, you can use it to make Excel interact with Word and Outlook as well.

        Some of the things I’ve used macros for:
        – Cleanup of a really ugly, really basic SQL query report that used to come out of our old HR system so that it was usable and visually acceptable. Deleting columns, rearranging columns, resizing columns and rows, formatting data in certain areas, etc.
        – Checking if a certain cell was filled in – I’d made an Excel based timesheet (our time system shut off without warning so we needed an alternative for a few days) that would let people put their hours in and then it would calculate things like overtime. When they sent the completed sheets back to me, I wanted to check and make sure that they weren’t sending me blank data and I didn’t want to have to scroll through the sheet to check since I didn’t have time to do that for almost 300 people. So I made a quick macro and linked it to a keyboard shortcut so I could open each timesheet, hit alt-shift-k or whatever I bound it to, and have it either pop up a warning or do nothing. If it did nothing, I knew the sheet was good to go, and could save it into the processing folder.
        – In that same timesheet file, I set up one-click “send to supervisor for approval” and “send to HR for payroll” buttons that employees and managers could click to forward completed sheets on.
        – Once I had all the sheets, I made a macro that would scour all the files in the processing folder, pull out data from specific spots on each sheet, and put the results into a single sheet for me that was formatted so that our payroll system would accept it as a single upload, rather than having to hand-key each single entry.
        – I created another automated data-cleanup script for a different report (this one out of SurveyMonkey), then pinned it to a button so that I could distribute that spreadsheet and let other people process this data for themselves rather than having to rely on me to do it – all they had to do was add the SurveyMonkey sheet to the cleanup file, click the appropriate button, and voila, clean data ready to go.

        1. Erin*

          Jadelyn, I am a payroll person, too, and I want to try to make a VBA program to take the 130 or so excel timesheets (all based on the same basic template) and summarize them into a neat set of columns with, like, names, hours of private lesson time, hours of class time, hours of administrative time, and the date(s) each function happened.

          Would you be willing to share your tool, if possible, as a jumping off point for me? I started looking into VBA and I get the basics, but this feels like such a huge project that I’m utterly overwhelmed. I work for a non-profit school, so it’s not like I have millions of hours to devote to this.

          If not, I understand and appreciate any help you can share. :) Thanks!

      7. Another Sara*

        +1000 to VBA and to the macro recorder in particular. You can automate so much, so easily, without having to understand the code at all. With a little bit more effort, you can start to understand and optimize the generated code, and soon you will be writing your own code from scratch! I’ve been programming in VBA for 13 years, and in C++/C# for 10, and I still use the macro recorder to quickly get syntax for stuff I can’t remember or mock up a quick skeleton of something I want to automate. Your non-VBA-using coworkers will think you are some kind of wizard.

        Some VBA tips:
        – Echoing Linyarri: If there is something you do often, try turning on the macro recorder while you do it. For example, opening a source spreadsheet, copying a range of values, and pasting it in a report spreadsheet. Open the VBA editor and step through your new macro to watch what it’s doing. See if there are small things you can tweak to make it open a different sheet, copy a different range, or paste into a different spot. Ta-da, you’ve just automated your data entry process!
        – The macro recorder does things “mechanically”. For example, if you want to take the value from one cell and put it in another, the recorder will do “Select cell A1. Copy selection. Select cell B1. Paste values.” A simpler bit of code will just say “Set the value of Cell B1 to the value of Cell A1”.
        – Going back and forth between VBA memory and Excel memory is slow. Reading and updating a big table of values one cell at a time is much slower than reading the entire table into a VBA array, processing it in memory, and then writing the whole array back out.
        – Google everything. If you can do it manually, you can do it programmatically.

      8. echidna*

        The two guidelines I use for whether or not to use VBA: Do I need to do the same thing to many files? Do I need to do the same thing many times on one file? If yes, then use VBA.

        Some things I’ve used VBA on:
        -Outfitting a sheet with checkboxes so the user could toggle individual or grouped items on or off and have subtotals on the same sheet and other sheets auto-update accordingly
        -Creating a UserForm (love these) that allows the user to input multiple files and adjust a few settings/options to compile information on several files into one master report
        -Delete unnecessary information from large spreadsheets based on a complicated hierarchy of conditions

        I personally don’t like using the record button, just because I think it can get confusing to read if you’re trying to learn from it, and it will also often choose the least efficient way to do something. But if it works for you, by all means use it to learn!

        Just a few tips I use constantly when I develop in VBA.
        Put “Option Explicit” in the header before you start writing your macro. This will force you to dimension all of your variables before you use them – very important for preventing mistakes.
        Put these two lines at the top of your macro – they will dramatically reduce the runtime:
        Application.ScreenUpdating = False
        Application.Calculation = xlCalculationManual
        Excel can find the last used Row and last used Column on a file, using:
        .UsedRange.Rows.Count and .UsedRange.Columns.Count

    5. pmac*

      What’s a quick way to compare two columns for duplicates? Right now, I use a conditional formatting method that takes me a while.

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        I’d do a custom sort on column 1 and then column 2 so that you can view them side by side.

      2. Positive Reframer*

        When I do that I add a column and use the =match formula.

        I’m usually using that to see if there are duplicates on a new sheet i.e. sometimes there’s crossover between days but I just want the ones that weren’t included yesterday, so I match today’s column to yesterday’s column and delete everything that’s not a N/A.

      3. Koko*

        Assuming your columns are A and B with header row, use this in C2, fill down, and then sort by column C.

        =IFERROR(INDEX(A:A,MATCH(B2,A:A,0)),”Unique”)

        All your values in col B that don’t appear in col A will be labeled “Unique” in column C and clustered together at the beginning or end of list depending on sort direction, and all duplicates will be clustered together at the other end with their value repeated in column C, giving you a list of duplicate values.

        This will find all duplicates for removal. If you’re actually trying to find all uniques, add a column D with the inverse formula pasted in D2 and filled down:

        =IFERROR(INDEX(B:B,MATCH(A2,B:B,0)),”Unique”)

        That will allow you to sort by column D to cluster all the unique values in column A to add to the unique values from column B.

      4. Linyarri*

        I have a similar problem where I need to find duplicates based off of multiple items in a row. I use an empty column to create a unique code by concatenating the cells in the row, then run a COUNTA in another column to find duplicates in the column with the unique code. The column with the unique code is the tough one.

        1. Haakon*

          Why is it the tough one if I may ask, if you’re already familiar with concatenation – or am I missing something?

          1. Linyarri*

            It depends on what you are concatenating. If I concatenate: 8396 2002 110 and 8396 200 2110 they both come up as 83962002110. I need them to look different. So I either force each column to use 4 digits when concatenating or put a character between them. So it comes out as:
            839620020110 and 839602002110
            or
            8396-2002-110 and 8396-200-2110
            This way they do not register as duplicates when I run the countA

      5. Abe Froman*

        If you use Google sheets, there is a UNIQUE function that will return all of your unique values.

    6. Goya de la Mancha*

      Is there a way to create a dynamic sort macro?

      I have monthly documents that consist of the same “template” starting off for each worksheet/day. I have to sort it always the same way to finish the work (column C then E), but Tuesday may only have 5 lines to sort where Monday had 34.

      2. Q without U*

        I don’t quite understand your question. If you’re sorting by column, how do the number of rows come into it?
        Writing a macro to sort by column is quite straightforward, but I think I missing some nuances here.

        1. Goya de la Mancha*

          There’s more to the document then just those 5/34 rows, so I can’t sort the whole thing by the columns, which would mess up the other rows. So on Monday I had to sort rows 9-43 by column c then e, on Tuesdays it was rows 15-20 that had to be sorted by c, then e.

          I’m thinking it’s not possible, but figured it was worth a shot in the dark! Our company likes to not purchase the software necessary to make our lives easier, so I’ve had to become very good at finding band-aid programs/work arounds to make my own life easier.

          1. Q without U*

            Got it. Is there any easy way to identify which rows need to be sorted? Perhaps something in an adjacent column?

            1. Goya de la Mancha*

              The adjacent columns all have something in them, but they aren’t always the same per row or day. It’s mostly account codes and titles. The information I receive is a daily dump of data that I have to input. It doesn’t come to me organized so I have to sort for the higher ups reading. So I type it all in and then manually sort (not a huge deal – but meh, lazy) and Excel doesn’t remember my sort preference like it remembers that I always want to print 2 copies for this particular document.

              “B” “C” “D” “E” “F”
              AA-X-000- 2 -00000- 001 Llama wrangling (insert more row info here)
              AB-Z-000- 1 -00000- 505 Llama grooming/braiding (insert more row info here)
              AA-X-000- 2 -00000- 002 Llama care education (insert more row info here)

                1. Q without U*

                  There probably is a way to do what you’re hoping with VBA, but it’s not jumping out at me. All of the straightforward solutions have to do with having some consistent way to identify a row that needs to be sorted.

          2. Vauxhall Prefect*

            I think you could probably do this through setting up a couple of reference cells somewhere on your spreadsheet. Say it could be one cell giving the first row of the data you want to sort this time, and another cell giving the last row of the data you want to sort.

            That way you can have a go at writing or recording a macro where you select a range of data and then only sort that data within your table. Then you’ll want to modify the macro so the range of data that it selects and sorts is based on the first row / last row values selected above. There would be a little bit of mucking about it setting that up depending on how much vba you know, but would be relatively straightforward.

            From then on you should just be able to update the first row and last row cells each day you want to do this, then run the macro and you’ll get that selection sorted the way you want.

      3. Tea-Toddler*

        This can definitely be done, but it requires VBA scripting–the record macro option won’t do it alone. Try googling something like “Excel VBA select all used range”. What you’ll eventually want the script to do is (1) select all the used cells in the worksheet, (2) format that range of cells as a table, (3) sort by whichever column you need. The full script should only be 7-8 lines.

      4. EngrEbby*

        Daily macro user here! I have to resize labels for work and needed to find a way to get it done quickly whether I had a half sheet or 20 sheets to print. Macros get it done in one click.

        For Excel 2010:
        You can record a macro of yourself doing that task from the Developer tab (if the tab is not visible, go to File > Options > Customize Ribbon > Main Tabs > Developer). Go to Developer > Record Macro.

        When you hit record, you’ll get a prompt to:
        1. Name the macro
        2. Assign a shortcut key (optional)
        3. Where to save it. Save in the ‘personal macro workbook’ if you want the macro to run in any excel file on your computer; the other options let you store in the active workbook or a new one.
        4. Description is also optional.

        Hit OK and perform your task as usual. Once finished don’t forget to go back to the Developer toolbar and click Stop Recording. After that you can either add an icon to the Quick Access Toolbar (File > Options > Quick Access Toolbar > Choose Commands From > Macros) or use the shortcut key. I added my macro with a smiley face icon and placed it next to the save icon on my quick access toolbar so I could resize and save in two clicks and be done with it. :)

        1. FedLiz*

          If you ever get a new computer or IT re-images your machine or something, make sure your personal workbook is copied over. It’s devastating to lose all of your macros in one fell swoop.

      5. Linyarri*

        What you are talking about sounds like it can be done. It depends on what is occurring above and below those rows. If you have a pattern you can macro it.
        If the data you need to sort has a header above it and at least one column is completely filled out w/blank lines at the end. that would work. You can use “find” to get the row for the header, then loop to find the next blank cell and use that as the last row. Put the range into a variable and use the variable to sort.
        Sorry, it is easier for me to do then to explain.

    7. Rock Prof*

      We use excel for a lot of simple plotting in the classes I teach. We’re a microsoft campus, so they should generally have access but some of them still only use google sheets. Can one make simple scatter plots with data that has two different lists of x and y values (x1, y1 and also x2, y2)? Like, you can use different x-ranges for data sets in excel pretty easily, but I haven’t been able to find something easy and not super-kloogey that works in google sheets consistently.

    8. HyacinthB*

      Just came here to say…. I love love love Excel! If people only knew how much easier their lives could be with more of it!!!

    9. Allison*

      In what applications are pivot tables useful? I know how to make them, I just can’t figure out why I’d want to. And every time people talk about expertise they bring up pivot tables and I try them out again and I still don’t understand!

      1. Positive Reframer*

        I use them multiple times a day to easily summarize data. If you have a good database system that can pull reports then you might find it less useful.

        If you ever find yourself sorting columns or using countif statements (there are probably other tells but that’s what I can think of off the top of my head) then you might find them useful. You can do counts and sums and display things by percentages and create calculated fields to do weighted averages and all sorts of wonderful data crunching things.

        1. Allison*

          I work in a wet lab so I don’t have any sort of database at all, just lots and lots of excel files with various data and graphs from experiments on them. I only really need averages and standard deviations most of the time (I find Excel’s stats tools difficult to organize) so maybe pivot tables are just not for me! Every time someone raves about them I feel like I’m missing out!

      2. Koko*

        I use them almost daily for ad hoc financial reports to generate crosstabs from a list of transactions that summarize the revenue in different ways, number of transactions and sum of transaction value, by source, by payment type, by transaction level, by month or day, etc.

        I also use them frequently to almost instantly answer questions like “of this list of customer addresses, how many are in each US state?”

        1. P2P All Day*

          What is a good resource online to learn more about setting up and using pivot tables? I have typically found super simple samples that I’m not able to translate into something I could actually use. I’d be more interested in samples that are not salesly (it’s seems all I find relate to profit/loss statements).

          1. Koko*

            I’m not sure of any specific resources I can recommend, but I will say that I intuitively grokked pivot tables when I first discovered them because my educational background is in social sciences, and “pivot tables” is just a fancy word for “cross tabs.” So, I would think that any basic resource that explains cross-tabs would probably be very helpful for learning pivot tables.

            Basically, you drag your independent variables (that you want to group data by), like gender or income or age, into the Rows area. Drag the dependent variable (data you want to understand/summarize), like marital happiness or job satisfaction, into the “values” area to create columns. You can then use the Field Settings to change whether you want it to display the count, sum, average, etc for that dependent variable, by the groups outlined in the Rows area. You can also use the Field Settings to have all of the above displayed as percentages of a row or column instead of raw numbers.

            One tip, when you’re setting up a pivot table unless you’re working on a really slow computer, always check the box that says something like “add this to the data model” – it has to be done up front and can’t be edited later, but it gives you the ability to include “unique count” instead of just count. You may or may not end up needing unique counts but if RAM isn’t an issue it’s better to set yourself up in advance to have it available if you do need.

    10. Bee Boo*

      I’ve spent all morning struggling with excel/office 365– maybe you can help! I have a document created in excel– it’s pretty basic– just text and numbers to help us track some communications, no formulas. However, everytime I upload it to office 365 One Drive to share with the rest of our staff, when we then open it one One Drive, on the first tab it says “Excel can’t download this shape” in a big white box that covers up all of our data. I have no idea what shape its talk about, or how to remove this image. based on googling the problem, I tried removing all XML from the document, but my excel says there is no XML present.

      1. Linyarri*

        The only thing I can think of is that if you did a cut/paste from a website it might have some things you can’t see (tiny objects, empty text boxes)
        You can get rid of ALL objects by pressing Control G, select “special”, choose “Objects”, select OK. Once Excel selects all the objects, hit delete. If there are no objects you will get a popup window telling you this.
        Hopefully someone else has had this same problem and can provide better guidance.

    11. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Since there are a lot of people in this thread wanting to learn more, I wanted to share a resource I’ve found really valuable over the years: Chandoo.org (link in my username). He always presents new techniques and ideas in a work-applicable context, which is great, and there are also a ton of free templates on offer too. Sign up for his mailing list, as well!

    12. Vauxhall Prefect*

      Don’t mean to hijack, but I wanted to add an Excel tip and this is the most active Excel place. :)

      One thing I’ve had a lot of success at in Excel is making templates of anything that I think could be useful in multiple places. Taking a bit more time around making the first complicated spreadsheet can be well worth it if you can use that work again and again. It’s a great feeling when somebody is describing a problem to you and you can not only help, but have a ready made solution that will fix things with just some brief time spent tinkering!

      Some examples:
      – I used to spend a lot of time needing to bring in data from one workbook into another. I’ve got a workbook where you have a control sheet and input things like the location of the file you’re looking for, where the data is in it, where you want the data, and a few other options. Once set up it basically reduces any data import exercise to a little initial set up and then a click of a button. Great for any regular reporting where you gather data from a few places! (I’ve got basically the same thing for exporting data.)
      – Often if you’re dealing with a lot of data you’ll want to run formulas on each row, but don’t want to leave the formulas in since that will slow down your workbook. So I have another macro where you can quickly create or remove formulas to update a workbook and then look it down again safely.
      – Using the above and some other things I have some templates for creating dashboards in Excel. Where you select a bunch of things to toggle and get a whole bunch of interesting charts updated. Excel isn’t great at this kind of thing, so you need to be strict with how much data you’re using to make it work nicely. But it’s great at showing different parts of the business what can be done and then getting them to help you convince IT to make a better solution that uses something other than Excel and gives even more options.

      Got a little long there. But just wanted to share since making some of those things has been a real time saver to me a lot of the time. And it gets people really excited when you’re able to fix some monotonous work for them super quickly!

    13. Positive Reframer*

      Does anyone have a good resource for mastering all of the potential of Power Query/ Get & Transform

      I have a huge data set that I need to do a lot of tweaking to, reapplying the same formatting, formulas, etc to different segments of the data every week. I think its possible to do it with Get & Transform, or at least a good chunk of it and it would be amazing to have any part of this process automatedish and a little less prone to human error. I have some concept of databases and SQL but more on a elementary theoretical basis than a practical can actually do something with it basis.

      At its essence I think this is something that would commonly be done with a database program but that isn’t an option in this case. (Hopefully in the next few years, fingers crossed) but for now I want to see if I can trim a few hours off of the overtime it takes to deal with this. Brains over brawn and all that.

    1. Thoughts*

      What’s the best resource for learning? Online/in person/on the job, etc?
      I have learned a fair amount without training but that obviously leaves a lot to be desired!

      1. it_guy*

        For specific problems, check StackOverflow.com and BrentOzar.com Also, check SQLPass for local one day free training events (SQLSaturday)

      2. Apollo Warbucks*

        There’s a site I’ve used called vtc (that I’ll link to) but you can down load Microsoft’s SQL Server Express Edition for free and there are a couple of sample databases (NorthWind and Adventure works) and lots of online tutorials use them.

        The study guides for the formal exams are very good but fairly technical and I found them heavy reading but I learnt a lot from them.

      3. Windchime*

        Also, any books by Itzik Ben-Gan. I’ve actually taken a couple of classes from him and he is an excellent teacher. I own several of his books, and I particularly recommend T-SQL Fundamentals and T-SQL Querying.

        Totally late to this conversation, so I hope someone will stumble across this and find it useful.

    2. KatieK*

      I learned basics & pronciples through Khan Academy, which I can’t revommend highly enough!!

      then to learn a specific environment you’d want to practice there—MySQL is most common as far as I know (I personally mostly write in Redshift though) so find a course on what you specifically need. Then practice.

    3. MJ (Aotearoa/New Zealand)*

      Any good resources for someone who has a reasonably good grasp on SQL reporting (but hasn’t done it for a couple of years) and is about to start doing some database migration stuff?

      1. Aardvark*

        StackOverflow, user groups/forums for your source and destination systems are good places to start. I have some advice though, if you are interested?

        Before you begin:
        * Assume it will take 5x/long as you think it will.
        * Clean your data in the source system as much as possible.
        * Find a colleague who can be your sanity checker–someone you trust to tell you if something looks weird, who is reasonably detail oriented, and who has a slightly different perspective than you.
        * Set up clear expectations for how long you are responsible for the data after it’s loaded into the new system.
        * Get a feel for the scope and type of data you’re moving, before you start. Moving 100s of integer values is going to be a way different project than migrating free-form text from a system that uses Microsoft text encodings to UTF-8. The more complex the project, the longer it will take.
        * Know the constraints of the source and destination systems–whether they are case-sensitive, or have any quirks.

        While you’re planning:
        * Be very clear on the differences in data structure between the old system and the new system. Make sure your end users know the differences too.
        * Map out your field transformations in advance — create a document that has:
        The source field
        The destination field
        The transformation for each row
        Where that transformation will take place (on export from the source system, in the ETL tool, by hand, on load into the destination system, etc.)
        Source field type (integer or variable-length character, etc.)
        Destination field type
        Notes
        * If you have control over field names, try to make them consistent and sensical.
        * If you will be matching or de-duplicating rows, be clear on the acceptable threshold, the match rules, and so on. Be careful about punctuation in strings and case.
        * Come up with some tests and acceptance criteria ahead of time with your stakeholders so you know when you’ve hit your target.

        As you do it:
        * Test each step with as representative a set of rows you can find. Find the longest and shortest strings, for instance, or the minimum and maximum values. Validate keys if needed–make sure you don’t have any weird orphan values.
        * Be prepared to encounter strange characters, invalid values, and so on. Note how you fix each of these situations so you can handle them consistently and cleanly.
        * Use a local or non-production database to test stuff out, if possible.
        * If you can, put the old key value in a field on the new record (at least for temporarily) so you can easily find it in case you have to clean something up.
        * Keep stakeholders up-to-date on the general status of the project. They’ll be nicer if you hit a snag and the project is delayed and may be able to offer assistance.

        1. Aardvark*

          Also–diagrams and checklists are your friends! ER diagrams of the source and destination systems can be helpful, putting together a flowchart for the process, creating a checklist for each step. If you’re using a tool, make sure to save your work, if you’re using scripts save them along with notes about how they fit together, if you’re brute forcing it in Excel, carefully document each step so you can repeat/undo if needed.
          And beware of leading zeroes.

        2. MJ (Aotearoa/New Zealand)*

          Sorry for the late reply, but thank you so much!! I’ll be bookmarking this :o)

  10. ThatOneRedhead*

    I need some help with deciding whether to move to a bigger house or to finish my basement for more space. Anybody have ideas about how to make the decision? (Or – how do I pick a contractor?)

    1. Current ISD/ID*

      Do you have a specific need for space (an extra bedroom or room for a pool table), or just generally wanting some more? What needs doing in the basement the way it is currently? I’m a hobbyist carpenter and I’ve been renovating my 200 year old house for the past six years.

      1. ThatOneRedhead*

        The biggest driver is an extra bedroom and a little more living space. The areas are framed out, and the bathroom is roughed in, but it’s open beyond that.

    2. EMW*

      As someone who needs to redo their deck – seconding the how do you find a good contractor question

      1. Emily S.*

        Have you heard of Angie’s List? It’s a website where you can look at reviews for all sorts of contractors/handymen/plumbers/etc. (member-only, but they I think they do free trials). Several of my friends swear by it as a source for finding companies to work on a house.

        1. EMW*

          I hadn’t wanted to pay for a service to do this…but maybe that’s my issue! I have used next door to find lawn care services but there weren’t any contractors in my area.

          1. Emily S.*

            My friends say it’s worth it. They’ve had good experiences. I also used a friend’s membership to find a moving company, and was happy with the one I picked.

          2. Koko*

            It may vary in your area but any time I didn’t have a personal recommendation from a friend I checked Yelp, and I’ve always been happy with the companies I found that way.

        2. Liz Lemon*

          I’m pretty sure angie’s list is free now! At least it was when we found our contractor 6 months ago…

        3. M-C*

          Keep in mind though that the recommendations aren’t necessarily accurate. My friend got a roofer through there, had a really hard time getting the project done, and worse had to endure some pretty threatening stuff in the process. She’d love to post that as feedback on Angie’s but she won’t – it’d be all too easy to figure out who she is, and as she says ‘he knows where I live’…

      2. Ashley*

        Ask friends for recommendation and go to home shows where you can meet them in person. If you found a good roofer and need a electrical, ask your roofer. They may know someone from other projects or be able to tell you who to avoid.
        Contractors can be hard to work with because they can be terrible about showing up when they said they would. Make sure to get a written quote and ask for a copy of their insurance.

        1. straws*

          Seconding asking other contractors. My husband’s line of work has him in contact with numerous contractors, and they all know the reputations of other contractors in the area – the good and the bad! If you find 1 person you trust, you can branch out your recommendations from there.

        2. OhNo*

          Thirding the asking other contractors bit. My dad’s a contractor, and has been for most of my life, and anytime someone needs something done he knows exactly who to call to get it done well.

          That said, like tends to attract like in the home repair and improvement business. Make sure you only ask contractors whose work and professionalism you like for recommendations, otherwise you’re likely to get more of whatever irritated you about working with them.

      3. Work Wardrobe*

        Yelp reviews might be a place to start. Also, ask people you know, or rove the neighborhood — and if you see work being done, ask the homeowner!

    3. Emily S.*

      Renovation can be a great way to add value to your home, and also make it more functional. Here are some links for tips on finishing a basement from the folks at This Old House (one of my favorite shows; they also have a magazine and a great website):

      “Read This Before You Finish Your Basement”
      https://www.thisoldhouse.com/ideas/read-you-finish-your-basement

      Video – how to insulate a basement
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKQdo88Ne74

      Video – how to frame out basement walls
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aulgjB4rFU0

    4. Kuododi*

      I’ve not had to hire anyone in awhile however I have had good luck with Angie’s List as a source of info for vetted contractors. Best wishes!!!

    5. Colette*

      1. What are you missing in your current house? (Bathrooms are more expensive to add to basements if you don’t have roughed-in plumbing; an office is easier. Bedrooms require windows of a certain size.)
      2. How do you see your space needs changing over the next 10 – 15 years?
      3. How would you pay for the renovations? Can you afford to renovate (keeping in mind that the cost will be higher than you estimate.)
      4. Would you prefer to live with the upheaval of moving, or the upheaval of living in a construction zone for a couple of months?

      1. Ashley*

        Also invite a real estate agent to discuss what you could get for your house as is. Compare this to online searches for homes that better fit your space needs and see how the math works.

    6. Z*

      Any way you can go on that TV show “Love it or List it”? Actually, watching the show might help you in thinking about this…

    7. a-no*

      I currently work at a restoration company and so I can help with the contractor thing. Make sure they have a history (a quick google search of the company should hit some results), check them on the BB website/local accredited boards, and make sure you are asking questions.
      I’d put a fair amount of stock into reviews you should find online, I’m always a little wary when someone says they’ve been doing it for 10 years but the company doesn’t turn up anywhere on the internet. Get more than one quote so you know if you are getting a fair price, if it seems like the quote is outrageously high or low – it probably is. But that’s within reason as it likely will cost more than you think it will so make sure you are getting a couple quotes for a benchmark unless you are familiar with construction.
      Also Ashley’s advice is spot on! Ask the trade you like for another contact and ask your friend group for recommendations. And always check that they are insured (ask for a copy)

      1. Koko*

        Somewhat tangential but related question for you. I’m in the process of scoping out a geothermal HVAC installation. I’m doing my due diligence by bringing out multiple companies to submit proposals, showing the proposals to some knowledgeable third parties for opinions, etc. But the process has been very slow, with a lot of contractors not responding so I had to widen my net and contact more, or they get back to me and can’t come by for a week or two.

        So I still have one more contractor coming tomorrow and one coming next week, but the first one who was super responsive came by three weeks ago already, and in the intervening time some of the other folks I’ve talked to have given me new ideas that are very different from the original plan I discussed with the first guy. I understand that putting together proposals takes a decent amount of time which I was to be respectful of, but I know they also have a better chance of winning my business if they’re able to compete apples-to-apples against other contractors with a similar plan, not a completely different one. How obnoxious is it to go back to the first guy and ask him to draw up another proposal option to see what his price would be for that other type of plan? Or, how many times can I do that without being too obnoxious? Should I wait until the last contractor has come and go back to him with a second/final request, or should I be initiating conversation with him now about these new ideas I’m considering to allow him time to start on the work, even if that means I might have more requests/questions next week?

        1. OhNo*

          Waiting to ask means the first guy might be too busy when you get back around to him again, especially for any kind of work that has seasonal ups and downs (basically all home repair/improvement work picks up in the summer, usually by a lot). Usually your best bet is going to be to reach out to him now, mention that you’ve been getting other quotes with some additions, and ask if you can get a revised estimate in X weeks with those add-ons. That way he can build the time into his workflow (or tell you that he can’t do it).

          Also, I’d say maximum of one revision on an estimate unless you have 100% decided that you’re going to use that person. Like you said, those take a lot of time, and they’re often done completely for free just in the hope of selling a job. Once you’re sure who you want to work with, you’ll have more leeway to ask for revisions because the contractor will know that you’re a sure source of income.

        3. writelhd*

          I work in energy efficient buildings. What are the other folks telling you about instead of geothermal, and why?

          I would agree, try to keep your revision requests to one. It is definitely fine and fair to reach back out and say “hey, I am getting this recommendation from my other bidders and it makes sense to me so I want to see if you’d give me a comparison on that too”, but try to contain all the information in one request instead of sending a bunch of “oh, ahd this too!” things during the process.

          I’d also say try not to go too much purely on price–you’re likely to get what you pay for, unless prices are hugely disparate. Go for the person who seems the most professional and knowledgeable.

          1. Lala*

            This. My mother is a general contractor, and she tends to quote higher than other people for a lot of jobs because she’s very realistic about the costs, and won’t underbid just to get a job. Her jobs usually come in pretty close to the estimate (unless the homeowner makes lots of changes while the job is underway, but then she makes sure they know how changes will affect the price). Talk to the contractors. Ask lots of questions, and make sure they listen to you and understand what you want, and hopefully they’ll have ideas about how to do things, too. If they don’t listen to you, that’s a huge red flag.

            My mom’s about to take over a job that she bid for a year ago and didn’t get because the people went with someone cheaper who sucked, and now that they realized they made a mistake, they’ve got to have someone else finish/fix the job the cheap builder did. And it’s going to cost them so much more than what my mom originally estimated because now some things have to be ripped out and redone because the first contractor screwed things up.

    8. TheCupcakeCounter*

      Lists are your friend.
      Make a list of what you want in your home. Do a must haves (4 bed, 3 bath, open concept, etc…), a would love (X school district, large fenced in backyard, walk in pantry), and a deal breakers (no bathtub, electric stove, etc…).
      Look at some houses. Maybe look at some fixer uppers and ask your realtor for some recommendation for a contractor – they usually have some pretty good connections. That is actually how we found our builder.

      Talk to those contractor and determine the costs of the reno vs a new home. Also look at what the renovation will do to the value of your home. You probably won’t get your $ back but if your basement is a legal one (daylight or walkout or can be converted to one of those) you will recoup a decent amount. But a lot of that comes down to what you are looking to add to the basement. A bedroom, bath, and family/play room would be a pretty decent resale bump (although the cost for a bathroom if the plumbing isn’t already partially there will be very expensive). One thing that really was a big deal for me was the laundry area – if it is in the basement set it up nice with some cabinets, a rack to hang clean clothes one, and a nice big laundry sink. Make it look like a room vs a couple of machines in a basement.

      Living in home during renovations is a pain in the ass so add that to your list. If you have asthma or dust & mold allergies you will have issues if dry wall and cement cutting are involved. If you have OCD that requires a clean home…don’t renovate. My MIL had a mini-breakdown and moved to Florida (3 weeks) and our house (4 weeks and counting) for several months during her latest reno.

      1. Bored IT Guy*

        I would add value-rating to your lists

        For example:
        # of closets – 5 is the best, 1 is the worst
        Schools: School A is 5, School B is 4, etc
        Must haves: If it has it, 5 points, if not, 0 points (or completely discard depending on what it is)

        At the end, add up all your values for each option, and that one is probably the winner

        1. TheCupcakeCounter*

          That’s a great idea. Also forgot to add that take whatever estimate you have for renovations and add 25% to both the cost and the time. Our builder told he he could do 2 of the big 3 – cost, quality, or speed – can’t have all 3. If you want good quality quickly it will cost more. If you want good quality at a decent cost you will have to wait (we built during a very down time and got extremely luck in terms of cost and quality – but went over schedule by almost a month).

    9. HyacinthB*

      If it’s just space that’s the issue, I would stay put. Lots of reasons, but the #1 being that the bigger houses are becoming less appealing to the younger demographic who will be the homebuyers of tomorrow. Also, you presumably already have equity, are established in the neighborhood… lots of reasons to stay. I can’t think of too many to go. Take your time in picking a contractor and ask for references. But start with asking friends who had similar work done who they used and how satisfied they were.

    10. SophieChotek*

      There is that new app that supposedly lets users rate contractors/repair people. (Darn forgot the name; I keep seeing the ad on TV all the time.)

      Ask friends who have recently had work done (and been satisfied).

      You might also see if there are local awards — for instance, my parents are building a house right now and part of the way they chose their contractors/builders was because the contractor they chose received several industry awards as “best contractor” from other local contractors. So far, they’ve been really pleased with his work…but even with awards, etc., some of his people have made some mistakes — but the good thing is, the contractor has paid to have them all fixed. (Which one would think would be a no-brainer, but…)…Sometimes I think industry awards don’t mean anything, but other times I think they do…

    11. Shrugged*

      (Creds: I’m an architect licensed in California)
      (Disclosure: We don’t have a lot of basements in California)

      Depending on where you live, you may have to get a permit to finish your basement, particularly if you’re making it into living space when it wasn’t before. Local governments care about how much livable space a house has – it’s how they collect the right property taxes. So I’d start by checking with your local building department to see what they require. If you’re in the US, you can try your local City or County government’s website. If they do require a permit, find out what you’ll have to submit, and what kind of licensed people (contractor, architect, engineers) have to sign your submittal documents. If a permit’s required, I strongly suggest getting one – the resale value of a space with permits is much higher than the cost of the permits and inspections.

      Then I’d get several consultations from contractors. Listen to them when they talk about the process – that’s more important than coming back with the cheapest quote. Things to listen for:
      Are they paying attention to what you want, or telling you what their vision is?
      How clear are they on details, or are they just telling you “I’m going to make it look amazing?’
      Do they have references for similar projects you can go look at and/or talk to other homeowners they’ve worked with?
      Have they done similar projects in your town?
      What do they really know about working with your local building department? Does that match what you learned?
      Do they recommend you get an engineer or architect, and why or why not?
      If your basement is prone to flooding, how do they recommend you handle that?
      Is the contractor licensed? Do a check on their contractor’s license (usually available on the state licensing board website) to see if they have any complaints filed against them and to confirm the license number.
      How quickly do they get their quote back to you? A week or two is reasonable, but shorter than that and you start to wonder what they didn’t include. Longer than that… well, this is their best foot forward to get new work – it’s an interview.
      Will they do any drawings you need for the permit, or is that on you, or do you have to hire someone?

      Definitely interview a few contractors! And as I said, don’t judge their quote based (only) on price – you get what you pay for.

      1. Koko*

        I’m going to semi repeat myself in case you don’t see where I ask this of another pro above –

        Basically, what is an appropriate amount of back and forth to have with a contractor providing free estimates/proposals? Since the first guy came out, others who came after him have given me new ideas and I’d like to see what the first guy 1) thinks of their viability and 2) would charge if he designed something similar. The first guy was actually my favorite from an industry experience/communicativeness/demeanor standpoint, so I want to give him a chance to still win even if I decide I prefer this alternate approach another contractor suggested. So I want to be respectful of his time and not annoy him by having him drawing up a new proposal on demand every week. How many revisions/updates is it appropriate to ask for, and is it better to save them up to request all at once or to stay in dialogue with him and talk through new ideas as they come to me?

        1. Shrugged*

          I’d call up the first contractor and just talk to him about it, particularly since you liked him. Most contractors are happy to talk shop and ideas, and you can bounce your new ideas off of him. You could decide after that conversation whether to ask for a revision immediately or wait for further ideas.

          On a project this size, most contractors would expect to revise a quote once, after you’ve had time to review it item-by-item. So he wouldn’t find it weird for you to ask for a revision, particularly after a discussion like the one above. Two revisions starts to get a little dicier, particularly if they’re both drastically different. And I definitely wouldn’t go more than that. I’d recommend one to change the major parts of the scope and a second to revise any small items you’d like to change.

    12. cookie monster*

      Know that, if you plan to sell your house in the future, a finished basement is NOT considered square footage in appraisals or to investors (those that buy loans, Fannie Mae for example). Nothing down there is counted in the room count either; and bedrooms in the basement may not pass muster if someone is trying to do a pickier loan program (like FHA) which would require a window that can be climbed out of etc.
      A finished basement may certainly help you sell the house as it will be more attractive to buyers but it will not likely do anything (or will do very little) to your homes resale value.
      I have this discussion almost monthly with angry buyers/sellers and relators (I’m an underwriter among other things)

      1. TheCupcakeCounter*

        I’m not sure that is universally true…I have a full, finished basement with a walk-out and all bedrooms are legal. Its more a “lower level” than a true basement so maybe that is different. I’m in Michigan and all of the houses we looked at included the room in the basement/lower level on the MLS unless it was a older home without egress windows. There were a few that specified “above grade” if the SF looked low for the pictures and those were usually home with a more traditional basement vs a daylight or walk-out.

        1. cookie monster*

          MLS is different than appraisal standards though-on MLS, you certainly can ;ist those things-they are listed on appraisals too…but not listed as living area and in room count form a property appraised value and investor stand point.

        2. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

          This is definitely not universally true. I just pulled the tax appraisers property card up online for our house and it has all rooms counted. We have 1 bed and a bath in our basement (4bd/3ba total) and all rooms are accounted for. It also has the other finished basement rooms listed.

          1. Cookie Monster*

            But again-neither MLS or you tax assessment/tax card have anything to do with a professional real estate appraisal-these are different things. the MLS and the tax assessment are NOT held to USPAP standards, which all professional real estate appraisals are held to-you guys are comparing apples to bananas here. This is why I end up having this conversation with realtors and buyers/sellers all the time-because the lack of understanding of the difference between a professional appraisal and a tax assessment/Zillow/realtor listing price/CMA etc.
            Trust me on this, they are different and have different standards.

            1. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

              I’m going to have to assume appraisers here don’t go by those standards then because our appraiser also counted the rooms in our basement and total finished square footage. We literally bought this house last month so this stuff is fresh in my mind.

    13. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

      We just moved into our bigger house (as opposed to finishing the basement). We knew what we would need to do to get the basement to where we wanted it and had a few estimates. Then we looked at what houses were going for that were already finished how we would want it or at least finished to the point that we wouldn’t have to hire anyone (for us this means that it just needs paint or minor cosmetic changes like different light fixtures). It was cheaper for us to just buy the house already finished.

      Another thing to consider: Is your basement DRY? If it’s not, it can be a sizable chunk of money to get it that way. Also, the deciding factor for us was that there were things that we were just never going to be happy with on the main level and no amount of extra space in the basement was going to fix what was essentially a layout/space issue with the bedrooms unless we put the bedrooms in the basement – which we weren’t willing to do.

  11. Transit Whisperer*

    Data analyst here, so SQL, python, Tableau, and some SAS knowledge here. Learning more about cloud computing and big data tools. Happy to talk about my experience.

    1. Jules the 3rd*

      Which of those is the most useful for an analytics career, preferably in supply chain consulting? I know SQL and SAP, looking at picking up an additional technical certification, would love to work with (or at!) SAS. I have an MBA, BA in Econ, but I had a web dev career before the MBA – javascript, a little Java, 10+ years out of date.

      1. Transit Whisperer*

        I’d recommend more of the open source tools like R, python, and MySQL over something like SAS. There are a ton of free resources online for all of these–Coursera has some nice intro to python courses, for example.

      2. Brett*

        Start picking up working with amazon web services. Tableau and apache superset and both getting used a lot for the BI dashboards aspect. hadoop and spark will be useful in the long run. Working knowledge of scala (which you can pick up from your java knowledge) will be helpful too along with R and python.

        1. Transit Whisperer*

          Ditto on AWS. They’re offering a new certification called ‘Cloud Practitioner’ that’s a good starter, especially if you’re not a software developer. They even have free training modules on their website.

    2. The Golden Case*

      Hello! I am trying to break into our Data Analyst job series at my company. Can you recommend resources or things to be learning that would help beef up my candidacy?

      1. Transit Whisperer*

        For free resources–Coursera has some great options for python and SQL. Hacker rank and code academy offer some fun practice exercises as well.

      1. Transit Whisperer*

        I took an R class a few years ago, but never used it. I never did any modeling, so I didn’t need it.

      2. Product person*

        I’m very good with R, and will be happy to answer any questions. In my city, you’ll find many more data analytics jobs asking for R than SAS.

        As for the question, “Can you recommend resources or things to be learning that would help beef up my candidacy?” –> the best source will be your own company or any company hiring where you’d like to work.

        The requirements can really differ from company to company and role to role; generic advice won’t get you far because I’ve been in roles where I needed Python and Spark, and others where R Studio and SQL were a must. See if you can find someone on your company to ask questions about what kinds of skills are preferred there.

        1. Tuckerman*

          I did one semester of R coursework, but it’s been awhile.
          For work, I want to write a function (I think) to create an exam schedule based off of the dates of the previous semester’s exams (e.g., The Fall Psych exam 1 is 17 weeks after the Summer Psych exam 1). Some conditions are needed (e.g., if the exam was before spring break, multiple by x, else, multiply by y). Ideally, I would enter a vector containing exam dates (spring psych exam dates), and have it return a vector containing dates (summer psych exam dates). I’ve written non-function code, but that relies on so much hard coding, and I have to write code for each course. Any suggestions? Here’s an example of what I’ve done:
          install.packages(“chron”)
          library(chron)
          fallsemesterlater <- 7*17
          springsemesterlater <- ifelse(fall18 < "10/20/2018", 7*18, 7*19)
          exam <- c("Exam1", "Exam2", "Final")
          summer18 <- dates(c("06/13/2018", "07/18/2018", "08/15/2018"))
          fall18 <- c(summer18 + fallsemesterlater)
          spring19 <- c(fall18 + springsemesterlater)
          PsychExams <- data.frame(exam,spring19, summer18, fall18)
          PsychExams$summerday <- weekdays(as.Date(PsychExams$summer18))
          PsychExams$fallday <- weekdays(as.Date(PsychExams$fall18))
          PsychExams$springday <- weekdays(as.Date(PsychExams$spring19))
          PsychExams <- PsychExams[c(1,3,5,4,6,2,7)]
          <PsychExams
          exam summer18 summerday fall18 fallday spring19 springday
          1 Exam1 06/13/18 Wednesday 10/10/18 Wednesday 02/13/19 Wednesday
          2 Exam2 07/18/18 Wednesday 11/14/18 Wednesday 03/27/19 Wednesday
          3 Final 08/15/18 Wednesday 12/12/18 Wednesday 04/24/19 Wednesday

          1. Product person*

            Tuckerman, there’s tons you could to do to simplify your work (as you know, even creating a function to take the original set of dates and producing as output the new set of dates). If you want to learn more about functions, this is a good page to check: https://swcarpentry.github.io/r-novice-inflammation/02-func-R/).

            But as a first step to considerably reduce the work, I’d suggest the following:

            1) Have a generic folder that you’ll use to store both the input and output of your work. So, instead of PsychExams, you’d have something like OldExameCalendar and NewExamCalendar as the generic name. Overwrite these files with generic names with the new data, so the names don’t have to change in your code.

            2) Have the dates from the previous exams for the class imported as a file that also has a generic name (e.g., OldExamCalendar). You can import that file using
            OldExamCalendar <- read.csv("~/OldExamCalendar.csv")
            (You may need to add a path there, such as ./Downloads/OldExamCalendar.csv)

            3) Adjust your code so it always reference the generic name:
            NewExamCalendar$summerday <- weekdays(as.Date(NewExamCalendar$summer18))

            4) Save the results also in a a csv file with a generic name:
            write.table(NewExamCalencar, "NewExamCalendar.csv", sep=",")

            5) Rename NewExamCalendar.csv to the appropriate name (e.g., PsychExams.csv).

            Now you can create the schedule for the next course without having to change your code, you just need to overwrite the input file OldExamCalendar with the CSV file for the next course.

            (I hope this made sense; the website is freezing as I try to write the comment, and because I can't see the whole instructions in the comment box they may be hard to follow — let me know if you have any questions!)

            so that you can just copy and paste your code without having to change names like PsychExams to MathExams etc.

            1. Tuckerman*

              Thanks so much for taking the time to respond so thoroughly! I definitely sensed that I needed to simplify this! Thanks for the suggestions and the website. Very helpful.

    4. arn*

      I’m thinking about taking a Codeacademy intensive in data analysis which includes SQL training. Do you have any insight on these kinds of online courses and where they can take you? I work in nonprofits, but a lot of positions I’ve been interested in the past involve research and data analysis, and I’m hoping to gain some skills in databases to make myself more marketable. What’s a good way to get experience after gaining some knowledge?

      1. Transit Whisperer*

        I did a few courses through Coursera and Linux Academy. These are generally fine for getting a handle of the basics (SELECT statements, WHERE clauses, JOINs, etc.), but often there’s no replacement for on-the-job training. I was fortunate to find an entry-level job that gave me the time and space to learn these skills over time. That said, there are plenty of free datasets that you can download and work with in your spare time. (For example, check out the Million Song Dataset.)

    5. Cedrus Libani*

      I’m a baby data scientist, largely self-taught. I’m looking for a more efficient way to document my exploratory analysis. Right now, my workflow is poke data in R/Python/SQL session, if something useful happened then copy/paste command to a text file, repeat. I’m pretty sure that’s not optimal. Any suggestions?

      1. Transit Whisperer*

        You might try something like Github. Store your queries locally, then commit changes with commentary when something works. I have my git repo organized by project. This has the added advantage of being able to share with other users, so if a colleague has a similar question, you can link to the repo instead of emailing scripts back and forth.

      2. epi*

        You may want to look into Jupyter Notebook (multiple languages) or knitr for R.

        Jupyter notebooks run in your browser and display the pretty output in line with your code. After running your code, you can share the output as a report or with live code. It’s easy to update just a line or two and reload the output within a Jupyter notebook, rather than re-running an entire report.

        knitr is an R package that helps you write the results of your analysis directly to a report. You can write un-parsed R code to the report if you want, or just save the pretty report as a companion to the code. Makes it easy to update everything your report if you change just one parameter, rather than going in and replacing every number or every plot.

    6. Meg*

      Oooh I LOVE Tableau. I got to use the highly-anticipated viz-within-a-tooltip feature for the first time today, and it was so exciting.

      1. Transit Whisperer*

        Maybe unfortunately, but my role has shifted away from data viz and Tableau, so I’m missing out on a lot of the new features.

      2. Tableau Wizard*

        I cant wait to play with this feature, but I have to wait until my org does an across the board update to the current version!

    7. einahpets*

      Any resources (books / blogs / websites) you’d recommend for an introduction into data visualization?

      1. Transit Whisperer*

        Sadly, most of my data viz knowledge came from messing around in Tableau until something worked. :)

      2. Tableau Wizard*

        Tufte has a good set of books, and I think Tableau put out a web series in the last year about some best practices. There’s also a book called “The Big Book of Dashboards” that’s pretty good.

      3. Syren*

        Data Viz Resources: Stephen Few has several good books. Start with Show Me the Numbers. He also has a blog that he just handed over as he retired called perpetual edge. I have a list of my top 20 favorite blog posts of his that I share when people ask for informational interviews. Data Points by Nathan Yau – I believe it was his thesis at Stanford that he turned into a great data viz book. He talks a little bit more about charts that are automated and move like in the Hans Rosling’s Ted Talk. There is also data viz Ted Talk. I also like the book communicating data with tableau by Jones.

      4. nom*

        Stephanie Evergreen’s work is super accessible, and a lot of the content on her blog is useful for day-to-day stuff.

        If you want to go deep, Edward Tufte FTW.

        (My background is health research & evaluation.)

      5. KTZee*

        The American Evaluation Association (AEA) has a lot of good resources about data visualization. Membership is not ridiculously expensive and gets you access to webinars and “coffee breaks” and other informal/virtual training sessions. And their annual conference has an orientation towards skill-building, including workshops in the days leading up to the conference. (I’m a member but not on staff or anything!)

    8. LQ*

      I desperately need help in…how do I even search for the right thing on this! I need to find some kind of a …thinking about data in a new way that isn’t tables and rows and columns but events streaming and search for management dummies who just need to make sure we are thinking about it right so we can hire the right people and be on the right path…class.

      Can pay. Will travel. Cannot find.

      Everything seems to be very technical and in the weeds and I need more of a high level primer on it.

        1. LQ*

          That is sort of the example. We are looking to modernize our system and this includes from what I can tell updating from a table based structure (which I get) to an event streaming data architecture and I don’t even know how you find what you need in that on a big scale. I can understand finding A single thing (search) but how do you make sense of the mass of data? I don’t want to do the wrong thing and push the architecture toward “well just make it come out the other side for us in a relational database that we can understand” if that’s not the right thing simply because I don’t understand it. So I want a class or something about understanding the new way of thinking about data that isn’t tables.

          1. Aardvark*

            You might start looking at some AWS tools like Kinesis data streams. You can use kinesis firehose to load stuff into whatever destinations you’d like–files, rdbms, etc. The files can be read using…Athena I think? I don’t have much experience with that. But that might get you started on what to look for.

            1. LQ*

              That’s where we are aiming I’m fairly sure, but everything I’m finding is way too technical for me. And we’ll bring someone in to do the work, I just need to know enough so that we bring in the right person. It’s a little chicken and the eggey to me right now. I need a data person so that I can learn to talk about data in the right way so that I can get a good data person.

              I may look into our AWS contract and see if they know someone who does trainings though…that might be good. Thank you!

    9. Zidy*

      So, my VP is trying to get SAS for our company and wrangled a couple SAS passes to the conference next month in Denver for me and one of my fellow analyst. If you’ve been, any tips for it? Or do you have any tips for getting started with SAS or could point me at resources that would help me get a feel for what SAS does? I’ve never worked with SAS and really feel like I’m going blind to this thing.

      1. Q without U*

        SAS has a bunch of free trials up on their website, but it really depends on what your company is hoping to use it for. I can tell you that the online SAS community (communities.sas.com/) is pretty active and you’ll probably get some really helpful answers once you identify what products you’re asking about.

      2. RealNameHere*

        I worked at a company that uses SAS heavily (Pharmaceutical R&D), but didn’t work with it directly until my last 5 or 6 years there. Different than most programming languages, but enjoyable.

        There’s a book, “The Little SAS Book: A Primer”, that is VERY helpful when you’re starting out. It explains basics (data step, etc.) in simple language. I’m not sure which edition is current, but here’s a link to a free downloadable version of the 3rd edition:
        http://www.dermepi.eu/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Little.SAS_.Book_.A_Primer.Third_.Edition.pdf

        You may want to try BetterWorldBooks for newer editions. If you’re not familiar with the site, they have excellent prices on used books and always-free shipping – recommended! Prices start at $3.98.
        (Also, check out SAS Learning Edition, also available at BetterWorldBooks. I believe it is a “light”/student version of the software).

      3. RealNameHere*

        I worked with SAS for about 5 years. It’s different than any other programming language that I’ve encountered so far – but fun.

        The book “The Little SAS Book: A Primer” by Delwiche and Slaughter is good to start with and covers basics like the data step, etc. BetterWorldBooks has multiple editions (used) starting @ $3.98 with free shipping.

        You can also download the 3rd edition PDF for free here:
        http://www.dermepi.eu/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Little.SAS_.Book_.A_Primer.Third_.Edition.pdf

        BetterWorldBooks also has the “SAS Learning Edition”, which I believe is a “light”/student version of the software. (SAS is *very* expensive).

    10. Sweet uncertainty*

      Oh, just what I was looking for!

      I’m a non-profit professional looking to transition into Data Analysis (I’ve been on a lot of Database and data related projects and my job and found that type of work speaks to me most). Besides it being a small part of my job now (I use exel a ton, helped develop Salesforce for our team, and was on a database development project where I helped write requirements and did a lot of testing), I have ZERO experience in analysis. I recently enrolled in a Graduate Certificate program in Business Data Analysis to help me gain the skills I need to make this transition (I feel like trying to teach myself R, SQL, would be useful but not the best way to get a job in the end).

      I won’t be looking for a job for another 10 months or so until I’ve finished my program. I’m trying to choose my one elective now and have NO idea what is the most useful skill to learn to be the most “marketable” once I’m looking for a job. I also just started the program, so I’m not entirely sure what more specifically I see myself doing within the field yet. My options are courses in Data Visualization (where I’ll learn Tableau), Forecasting Methods (where I’ll learn more in depth R and SQL, and we’ll cover Regression, Time series analysis and Markov Processes), or Research Methods in Marketing (where I’ll learn about designing research studies and how to use SPSS).

      Any insights?

      1. Ellen Ripley*

        Thinking of transitioning toward this field, too – where is your certificate program based?

        1. Sweet uncertainty*

          Chicago! Loyola’s program is the one I’m doing. It’s perf because all the credits count towards a Masters in Information Systems Management as well.

      2. epi*

        I’m also located in Chicago. I can’t really tell you what would be most marketable since I’m an epidemiologist, but I can recommend some resources.

        Chicago actually has pretty active data science and developer communities, often organized on Meetup. Particularly since you are coming from non-profits, you may find Chicago City Data User Group a good way to meet people and see what backgrounds people interesting to you have. It’s an excellent group and is for anyone interested in using the city’s open data for the public good. If you explore on Meetup, you will also be able to see what groups organized around a specific language or tool overlap with the more general interest groups that speak to you.

        In general, SQL will serve you well in a lot of different roles. IMO it is also better to get more in depth with a language you know and make sure it will really stick after graduation than to take a semester each and barely get past the frustration phase with multiple languages.

        Finally if you haven’t already, sign up for some job alerts from Indeed and Glassdoor and just read them when you get some free time every day. Many jobs will accept any one or two of a laundry list of languages, but the specific options will depend on the industry. You will start to get a sense of what is out there and what languages are always in the mix at positions that interest you.

  13. JokeyJules*

    i’ve got some experience with event coordination (both as my job and for my workplace). Happy to answer questions/bounce ideas!

    1. hermit crab*

      Do you have any recommendations for people who get roped into event coordination because they know about the topic of the event? (e.g., I’m a teapot expert, so people assume I can organize a two-day teapot training workshop from scratch) I guess I’m asking if you can recommend any good resources for the basics.

      1. JokeyJules*

        Some staff members are asked to do that in my company.
        there are likely websites or articles you can print out, to accompany your own personal expertise. I’m not familiar with doing a two-day training, but presentations and workshops i’ve facilitated or helped coordinate included a good amount of discussion. This of course only works after some introduction of the general topic, and then a subtopic.
        So it would go like this:
        Teapots
        1. general use/history of teapots dating back to 54651658463521 BC
        a. Who used it first?! A discussion (and then summary of subtopic before segue into next topic)
        2. handles (techniques, design differentials)
        a. aethetics vs practical use (a discussion and summary)
        3. spouts

        I could go on.

        If it were a training, however, recently a colleague did a training by breaking up chapters and having groups of attendees present. It was very engaging for the audience.

        When in doubt, snacks galore.

        1. hermit crab*

          Unfortunately, I work under federal contracts that don’t allow us to provide snacks! :(

          Do you have any recommendations for the timing of pre-event activities? e.g., how many weeks in advance to finalize the agenda, to send invitations, to ope registration, etc. I have checklists that I’ve sort of pulled out of thin air, but I have no idea how grounded in reality they are, or what I’m missing.

          1. Not a Real Giraffe*

            So much of this will depend on the type of the event, the location, the audience, etc. For example, if this is an event that involves hotel accommodations (especially if you’re involved in helping arrange hotel stays), registration might need to be open earlier than if it’s for an event that is held locally and which people will just travel to on the day-of. A lot of this will also depend on who your event partners are and how likely they are to stick to a plan or want to change things at the last minute :)

          2. JokeyJules*

            For invites and registration, if it’s an all-day thing or longer, i like to do a month or three weeks, gives people enough time to clear their day. if it’s a few hours, 2 weeks, one hour, one or two weeks.
            if you are just facilitating the event, have your plans done 2 weeks out so you can stop worrying about it. materials printed or emailed out 3 days ahead of time.

            How many items would be on your agenda?

            1. hermit crab*

              Thanks, that’s helpful! A typical event is a 1-day workshop with a mix of expert speakers (with time for full-group discussion/Q&A) and structured discussions or exercises in breakout groups, for maybe 30-50 participants total. Our partners tend to have their agenda/speaker “wish list” decided in advance, and we get brought in to deal with the logistics.

              1. Ally A*

                I might be too late, but my job involves organizing a LOT of trainings/workshops. Varies between 1 hour workshops and 5 day professional development courses.
                As for timing, we set our schedule in the winter for summer trainings because we work with teachers who’s calendars fill up fast. Depending on your audience (are they usually super busy, hard to get on their calendars? are these required trainings that they will attend no matter when they are offered?), I would recommend 6 weeks out having at least the save the date (including start & end times)/topic set and then 3-4 weeks before the event to open registration. I like to have the agenda set and any materials set 2 weeks before, but you could push that to 1 week. I do a one week email to everyone who’s registered with all the specifics (location, parking, agenda, food – if offered, accommodation requests, CEU process, etc.) as well as a follow up email with a program evaluation and thank you. If there’s a PPT or other presentation, I like to send it out in the follow up email as well.

                I’d say the one thing to keep in mind is accessibility – is your location accessible, and if it isn’t, is that clearly communicated to the people attending? Do you have a process for accommodations if requested? Are your materials available in multiple forms?

    3. Amber T*

      What are some of the biggest challenges you face as an event coordinator? When I was in college, it was a path I was looking into, and every once in a while I see a job posting and I think, that looks like so much fun! But I feel like someone actually does event coordinating would kick me in the shins for being really naive about that (event coordinating was part of a friend’s previous job, and it was her least favorite part of it).

      Also, can you spell coordination (or similar words) correctly on the first try, or do you have to retype if a half dozen times like me?

      1. DC*

        I think the difference is that just because it was part of your friend’s job doesn’t mean she liked it, but that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t, or that others would “kick you in the shins” for it. You’re not naive to think it’s fun.

        I work with academics/think tanks a lot, and one of the big challenges can just be getting people who don’t think with an “events brain” to acknowledge the benefits of some things you’re suggesting (little things from tablecloths on a lunch table *eye roll* to the formatting of the agenda to give people breaks at specific times. You just need to be able to advocate for things logically.

        If you’re interested, see if there’s a way to volunteer or get a part-time job to try it out and learn the ropes. Early event planning is a lot of the grunt work, so be prepared to do that while watching and learning.

      2. JokeyJules*

        With my office, my struggle is getting a decision out of those who make the real decisions.
        “Do you want A or B? Both are great, everyone will like them exactly the same, I just need you to decide, because you are expensing this” is somehow not convincing enough for anyone. Another is getting the venue on board with the various food restrictions my office has. It’s frustrating for me how much they don’t take certain things seriously. I know it can be a lot of different things to juggle, but that is part of your job, just like remembering that literally one of my 150 guests keeps a kosher diet is part of my job. Also, I just need the nuts for the salad on the side and I know that’s not the most ridiculous thing you’ve been asked to do.
        I like planning and coordinating things in general, so planning it is fun. But when people complain about the (FREE!!!! OF NO EFFORT OR COST TO YOU) food, rather than uttering a thank you, that really bugs me.

        Also, I prefer to copy and paste.

        2. ErinW*

          The decision thing is what makes me hate event planning. My boss will just be like, “Also order some food,” but the few times I made a unilateral decision I heard that it was not the right kind of food for the event, or that she had been looking forward to X item being there and was disappointed even though she never specifically mentioned X. It takes me forever to pin her down on what she wants, and I can’t tell you how many emails I have sent to our caterers that say “Apologies for lateness! Can we please order…”

          For people who are event planners, how do you get people to make decisions? Do you have to do the toddler thing (i.e., “We can do chicken, or we can do beef. Which one of those two do you want?”) or do you just pester every day? Or do you just go ahead and make plans, and pick them apart if someone changes their mind?

          1. JokeyJules*

            I try to get an idea of the feel of the event, and that will help decide the food.
            Like for the corporate holiday party, the meal was much more formal.
            for a training, an assortment of great gourmet sandwiches with salad and assorted chips as sides
            I provide 2-3 options, and then tell them when they need to be ordered by (go by the catering company rules, or just a week ahead of time). Remind them, and then on that day, ask them their decision. if they haven’t decided, say something like “my choice would be X, should I just go with that or did you want Y or Z instead?”

      3. Not a Real Giraffe*

        For me, one of the biggest challenges is trying to find a balance between “this is the plan that we are sticking to” and “we have to be flexible because nothing ever goes exactly to plan.” In the early stages of my career, it was hard to figure out where to expend energy on coming up with a Plan B weeks in advance, and where to rely on my ability to come up with alternatives in the moment. Right now, I’m struggling with a boss who wants to pre-plan any possible thing that could go wrong on any number of fronts, and my instinct is that this is not a good use of our time.

        1. JokeyJules*

          i’m with you on that one!
          Spent 6 weeks planning every small detail for our holiday party…. then it snowed.
          Planning for “what if someone has an allergy we don’t know about?!” or needs a hotel, etc are easy to sort out, even in the moment. But planning for things that likely cannot happen really clouds your focus when planning the events that actually WILL happen.

    4. Naptime Enthusiast*

      How do you come up with an annual optional after-work event that’s new and unique without being too niche that it alienates people that just want to hang out and talk to people?

      1. JokeyJules*

        Depends on your location!
        for our holiday party we did TopGolf, which is very similar to bowling except that it’s a driving range. It was great. bowling is also great. In north/central new jersey another contender was hatchet throwing (google it, EXTREMELY fun).
        Those wine and paint parties are fun. The activity is easygoing so you can just hang out and chat but it’s still an activity. Other options are renting a box at a sporting event, depending on funds available and how you think your group will get along with that sort of energy

        1. Naptime Enthusiast*

          So I should have mentioned, our organization is 500+ people…. :)

          We usually have 2 large events per year, one late summer and one late winter. We’ve done the BBQ tent at a minor leagues sports team and that’s always fun, during the winter we’ve been renting out a D&B for a few hours and giving out unlimited cards which was wildly popular in year 1, but now it’s getting stale for people. I guess they used to host a dinner dance in the past but that sounds to me like all the work of a wedding without the open bar, and I have to be on my best behavior because Grandboss is around!

          1. JokeyJules*

            depending on your turnout, maybe rent a few movies out with snacks?
            500 a lot of people to plan for!
            maybe a nearby theme park?

    5. PartyPooper*

      How do you deal with a vendor screwing things up for you (late, slow food service, insufficient space) when you’ve seemed to do your due diligence in vendor-selection? As the assigned coordinator for an activity (not as my main job), I’ve had a few instances where I’ve been royally screwed by a vendor and then it reflects negatively on me. If an established/highly rated venue says they can host 100 people (for example), am I wrong to take them at their word? And/or is it unfair that things that are not really in the coordinator’s control gets blamed on them?

      1. JokeyJules*

        what do you mean by due diligence exactly? I look for what the real problems were in a negative review and the valuable highlights in a positive review. I don’t care that the chicken was sooooo good that it made up for them showing up an hour late, and i dont care that the veggies were “too salty for my taste” if it means all the food showed up as ordered and advertised.
        this is a thing where you have to roll with the punches and get creative. it isn’t wrong to take someone at their word when they are accredited for good service, but i try to thoroughly confirm (in email and through phone) 1 or 2 times leading up to the event to ensure we are totally on the same page and to try to get an idea of if an issue might pop up.
        They might be honest, or not. But you tried and did your homework.
        and yes. it is deeply unfair. I confirmed with the caterer that there were to be NO tree nuts in ANY of the food at the event, 3 different times, with the head of catering and other staff.
        Guess what was sprinkled overtop 4 different items. Effing almonds. it’s hard to explain to someone that they can have bread and mashed potatoes while everyone else enjoys all of the other food and they not direct their frustrations towards you.

      2. DC*

        Unfortunately, being blamed for these kinds of things just go with the job. There’s a before and an after that can help mitigate it though:

        1. For new vendors, do something for proof: Sites? Go on a site visit. Caterer? Have them do a tasting. Photographer? Ask for a portfolio. Those types of things. Do that piece of due diligence up front.

        2. After, if you get screwed, make sure you do not pay for being screwed. Not enough food?/it was bad/delayed/not marked with allergen information? Do. Not. Pay. Full. Price. I am all about paying good people for good things, but if a caterer screws you, make sure you get money back, a credit, a discount, etc. That softens the blow for the higher ups, when you are helping hold vendors accountable and they can see that.

        That said, treat your good vendors well, and hold on to them. Tip, use their services often, send holiday gifts, etc.

  14. Wannabe Disney Princess*

    Oof. I’m struggling to think of what I can offer advice/expertise on.

    I’m good at research, reading a map and finding affordable (and awesome!) places to stay on vacation. I’m also pretty good at baking. Except cakes.

    1. Lady Register*

      Ooo! Looking for a fun place for a babymoon in winter in the US. Preferably east of the Mississippi :).

        1. Lady Register*

          I love hot springs, yummy food, and being cozy by the fire. Husband is military so we can’t always travel too far from base. So NC, VA, GA, and SC would probably be the best states.

          1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

            Oooohhh, I love South Carolina. And Savannah. A few summers ago, we stayed about an hour outside Savannah (Beaufort, SC) in a little condo right on the water. Watched dolphins every morning. It was FANTASTIC. Charleston is also a great city.

          2. SCanonibrarian*

            Asheville, NC! cute city, Biltmore House is really cool, there are local vineyards and lots of excellent food, and many many bed and breakfasts at most price points. (i live just south of there across the border in SC)

            If you don’t mind a higher level of ‘kitsch’ then check out Helen, GA. It’s a little German themed vacation town up in the mountains. Lots of nice rental houses with hot tubs. ;)

          3. Sarah in Boston*

            Try Hot Springs, AR. I’ve been twice and absolutely loved it. And “taking the waters” on Bathhouse Row is divine.

          4. Kuododi*

            If Ga is possible and y’all like cabin in the woods kind of vacation. …look into Forrest Hills in Dahlonega GA. It’s a Honeymoon, anniversary couples kind of resort. DH and I had our honeymoon back after our wedding. (Mid 90’s) It was a beautiful little cabin in the North GA mountains, hot tub in bedroom, fireplace in living room, kitchenette to prepare food, in the lodge there’s buffet breakfast and dinner all you can eat country cooking. Our package came with couples massage, one hour guided horseback riding with picnic lunch. Firewood was delivered to front porch every morning. Also Metro Atlanta is about 45 min away as the crow flies so a day trip for sight seeing is realistic. Cost was very reasonable and there were a number of different packages to choose from. DH and I are coming on our 25th anniversary next year and are looking at going back for a special trip. Just Google Forrest Hills Dahlonega GA and you should be able to get the website. Enjoy!!!!

          5. Marni*

            The Omni Homestead in Hot Springs, VA is a great getaway!!! They have a year-round outdoor pool heated by the town’s natural hot springs (and actual/natural hot spring pools), a great spa, great food (with outdoor fire pits for s’mores), and tons of outdoor activities… I go there every year for a long weekend and haven’t run out of things to do!

    2. Reba*

      We have things in common! Travel planning is both something I’m good at/ enjoy and something that can take me waaaaayyyy too long (for that reason). I just baked some baller choc chip cookies last night while my spouse did baguettes!

      What are your favorite travel research sites?

      2. Curious Cat*

        +1 would like to know any great travel research sites! Do you use Airbnb? Hotels? How do you find excellent prices for foreign countries? (Planning a trip to Japan soon)

        1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

          I use Airbnb, Flipkey (rarely), VRBO, and Homeaway. The latter two are owned by the same company so there’s a ton of overlap. But I stumble upon enough differences periodically that I check them independently.

          As far as finding affordable prices….I’m flexible. Traveling 20-30 minutes to get to the main city/attraction/whatever does not bother me. Why? I’m not at home. I’m getting to see the locale *anyway*. In a foreign country it might require a little more research about transit, safety, or whate-have-you.

    3. SophieChotek*

      I am starting to research affordable and awesome places to stay in Europe for a possible 2019 vacation. How fast do places change? How do you find good deals? (Besides obvious ones…but hey, lay those on me too). The two cities I am most interested in are Vienna and London. (last time I stayed in London, I had a friend; last time I stayed in Vienna I picked a hotel that was too far away from the center and honestly wasn’t that cheap, when i consider how far from center it was).

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        I’d say you have a pretty good chunk of time for 2019. My general rule is about 3 months out. Inside that, things can change rapidly.

        I would definitely check out Airbnb. I found some amazing places in Glasgow that were stupid cheap and in fantastic locations. (I have friend who with family over there so I ran them by him first.)

      2. Discordia Angel Jones*

        If you’re dead set on London, definitely check out Airbnbs! Hotels are pretty much ALL expensive, or really horrible if they’re cheap.

        I live in Richmond, London, and if you are happy to stay a little out of the city (although Kew Gardens is in Richmond! You should go there!), it has great transport links, is pretty, and is probably cheaper to stay in than central central London.

    4. Mimmy*

      What kind of research are you good at? I love research, and would even love to incorporate that into a job, but I admit that I’m as good at it as I’d like to think, lol.

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        All of it!

        Or at least, all the stuff I’m interested in. Skincare. Genealogy (my last name was changed, and we had no record of what it had been previously…or even where we came from; I found it and the boat they came over in last year!). History. Finding cheaper alternatives.

        1. As Close As Breakfast*

          Oh! I love genealogy!!!!!!! I get a kick out of saying I like to do research in my spare time, and it’s so, so true! I have some branches of my family meticulously researched back to the 1600s (thank you excellently kept Catholic Church records!) Of course, there’s also the branch were they seemingly lied about Every. Damn. Thing. and I’m banging my head on a big Polish brick wall. And ‘Yay You!!!’ on the name and immigration discovery! I bet that felt amazing!!

    5. CynicallySweet7*

      Do you know how to halve a recipe when baking? I found a couple of different measurements in places, but none of them come out right

      1. Reba*

        Would also appreciate tips here.

        IME it just doesn’t always work! Particularly with the chemistry of rising agents, they don’t scale exactly linearly. I have had better success going up than down.

      2. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        Best way? Kitchen scale. No lie, that is the number one thing that has improved my baking. You don’t need to spend a ton – quite a few on Amazon under $20. And even $10.

        Otherwise, I’d just make the whole batch. Divide it up and freeze the other portion.

      3. Merula*

        Seconding the baking scale. Chemical leavening virtually always works linearly; it’s the yeast that can sometimes get finicky.

        If your baking recipe is using baking powder, baking soda or cream of tartar, straight-up dividing by two (by weight) should work without any other changes.

        If your baking recipe is using yeast, see if you can find a similar recipe with the scale you want and tweak it, or tweak the ratios of the first recipe based on the second if they’re similar methods.

        Some things just don’t work well in very small amounts. Brioche dough, caramels, meringue cookies come immediately to mind.

      4. Poppy Weasel*

        Yeah, halving can be tough. I have a fraction calculator on my phone that helps me when I need to half or double a weirdo amount of something.

        Bake the whole batch and take the rest into your coworkers.

      5. Rookie Manager*

        True story.

        A while back my partner asked why I never baked just for the two of us. I explained there was always too much and either it went to waste or we got fat. He innocently asked if I could maybe just half the recipe. “Don’t be silly, I always at least double them! I’m from a big family.”

        However, when scaling recipies up or down the ingredients should stay in EXACTLY the same proportions (baking is science not art) the temperature and cooking times might need to be adjusted.

    6. How to pick?*

      Do you have any tips for picking a destination? My husband and I want to go on an international trip in November (we’re in CA), and we want someplace warm but not a beach vacation. We probably only have a week to 10 days. I’ve been thinking about South America but I’m not sure how to pick a specific destination! I know it all depends on what kind of trip we want, but any tips on how to narrow it down?

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        I’d start with what’s important to you. You want warm, but not beach. What else is important? Cost? Food? Culture? History? Exchange rate? Ease of transport? Vaccinations?

        I’d come up with a list of what ideal looks like. That will give you a jumping off point.

    7. the gold digger*

      The Food52 baking group on facebook is great for learning baking technique. Stella Parks, who wrote the new cookbook, “Bravetart,” will answer questions in the comments. She helped a friend of mine through her pie crust recipe. And today, she wrote a post in Food52 about why blondie brownies can be raw in the middle.

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        I LOVE Stella. Was a huge fan of her blog. I’ve actually reached out to her a couple times on email and she’s been super helpful.

        I also tweeted a picture of sugar cookies I made from her recipe. She replied that they looked great.

        I was insufferable for days.

    8. laylaaaaaaaah*

      What a coincidence, I’m good at cakes but terrible at everything else! What’s your favourite bread recipe? I need to get into more savoury stuff, but my efforts so far have largely been a letdown.

      1. Anion*

        I have an excellent bread recipe, if you like. I “invented” it myself, after learning what the different ingredients in bread do–and then discovered it’s a pretty well-known recipe. :-) But I’m still proud of myself.

        The basic recipe is:

        500g bread flour (if you have access to super-high-protein bread flour, use it)
        300ml water (I sometimes do a little cider or white wine, a little milk, and water combined–maybe 50ml of the first two [25 each] and the rest water, but plain water is fine)
        25g salt
        25g sugar
        2 1/4 tsp yeast (instant is fine, just mix the dry yeast with the other dry ingredients before adding water)
        a scant 1/3C veg oil, olive oil, or melted butter
        1 egg

        mix the dry, pour in the water, mix until the dough is lumpy. Add the oil, mix a little, add the egg, and mix/knead until it’s a smooth dough. You will need to add more flour as you go, until the dough is sticky (sticky = moist = soft) enough to cling to your hands but dry enough that it comes off pretty easily. It’s hard to describe the texture it should be, really, just…it should stick but not be impossible to remove, if that makes sense.

        Coat the inside of a bowl with oil or butter, plop your dough ball into it, cover, let it rise until doubled in size. Then knead it again and shape it into a loaf, or rolls in a pan, or mini-loaves. Let those proof until doubled in size, and bake at about 400F for: 20-25 min for mini-loaves; 30-40 min for rolls in a pan (touching); or 40-50 min for a loaf. This bread will NOT sound hollow when you tap the bottom, so I usually take its temperature (should be at least 205F) and/or see if the thermometer is gooey when brought out.

        As soon as you take it out of the oven, rub a stick or blob of cold butter over the top.

        This is a very, very soft, very tasty bread. And it’s very forgiving–I have on occasion underproofed or overproofed and it was still delicious and the texture was fine. I used to make this at least 2x a week and my family devoured it like wolves.

        Tip if you use regular dry yeast that needs to be proofed: a lot of recipes tell you to proof the yeast in the full measure of water with a little sugar added. This never works for me. I proof the yeast in about 75ml of the liquid mixture with a heaping spoonful of flour and a little sugar (mix the yeast with the flour and sugar before adding the water). That works. The water should be between 100-110F, maybe 115 at the hottest, in general.

        1. Anion*

          Oh! I forgot to mention slashing the tops! Do this with a sharp blade dipped in butter so it slides easily, because this dough will *always* be sticky.

          Also, it should make 8 rolls or 8 mini-loaves. Knead the dough into a roll, cut that in half, cut each half in half, then cut each of those halves in half.

          1. laylaaaaaah*

            Oh my gosh, this is so helpful and thorough! I’m going to give it a go this weekend, thank you so much!

  15. Butch Cassidy*

    What are the best first things to learn for folks who want to start really digging into what Excel can do?

    I learned how to use it for mathematical formulas when I took Stats in college, but I regularly work with really complex sheets built by others and I want to be able to make the magic happen myself.

    2. Jules the 3rd*

      Pivot Tables are my favorite – but they require an understanding of data quality.
      Knowing general file structure helps when you need to follow formulas (C:\\directory1\directory2\file.xls)

    3. Em from CT*

      For me, the best tool I ever learned was the COUNTIFS and SUMIFS formulas. Basically, they let you count (or sum) only data that meets multiple criteria. So in practice I use this in my multi-year budgeting spreadsheet: if I want to know (for example) how many units we want to install in Region A in 2017 and how many units we want to install in Region B in 2018—as long as I’ve laid out the data in appropriately named ranges—I can essentially tell Excel to “Sum up Number of Units where Region = A and Install Year = 2017,” etc. etc. etc.

      What this leads to is a self-updating spreadsheet. If I have scheduled all of Region A for installation in 2017, but suddenly it turns out that there’s a schedule delay and I have to push the install to 2018, I can change my Install Year field—and all my formulas will update as appropriate.

      1. paul*

        I *always* have to look up the syntax for those, every damn time, but they’re very useful. Seconding this!

        1. SarahKay*

          Thirding this. Life got *so* much easier when we moved to Excel 2007 and suddenly all my horrible long workaround solutions in Excel 2003 could be replaced by Sumifs.

        2. Ann O'Nemity*

          Start a cookbook! aka cheat sheet

          Include syntax, snippets, and instructions for formulas you use often. Add helpful hints, etc. Every time you have to look something about Excel up online, copy it into your cookbook.

  16. Hellanon*

    Jewelry & gems! Although I am no longer in that biz, I spent most of my career in it and am happy to answer questions about the industry or about individual gemstones.

    1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      So genuine question that’s been running around the back of my head for a while — lab-created gemstones seem too good to be true. Are there drawbacks to them? (I mean, aside from lacking the cachet of “this is a rock ripped out of the ground”)

      1. LizB*

        I second this question, but specifically for lab-created opals. They’re so pretty! Is there a big downside to having one of them in a piece of jewelry instead of a natural opal?

        1. Hellanon*

          To a trained eye they look a bit different, but in jewelry they’ll be a bit more durable as they are not prone to the cracking/crazing/destabilizing you can get with mined opals. Also, lots more look for the money – fine natural opals are $$$.

      2. TechServLib*

        Oooh I’ve been lusting over some lab-created sapphires and wondering this very thing! To my uneducated eyes, they’re cheaper, have less flaws, and more colors than natural sapphires. Is there something I’m missing?

      3. Mike C.*

        They aren’t so much “too good to be true” as much as “DeBeers is a literal cartel and they’ve been ripping people off for decades”.

        1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          Well yes. But that still doesn’t mean that lab-created gems can’t have drawbacks that get lost in the fanfare of “cheaper! no flaws! better colors!”

        3. Hellanon*

          DeBeers is only for diamonds, and even there things have changed a lot. There’s no DeBeers for colored stones, which are subject to all sorts of vagaries in their markets, supplies, and mining technologies. Colored stones are by & large much more, well, “artisanal” and it’s a lot easier to lose money mining them. Otoh, there are new gems and new versions of old ones coming onto the market all the time, and the colored stone industry will never not be interesting.

      4. Positive Reframer*

        It depends. For many gems the lab created versions are made using almost the same processes and materials as nature, they are the same and will have the same qualities. The lower cost comes from being able to control to a degree the quality and size of the stones. One of the benefits I like is that factories/labs where they are created are more likely to have and abide by healthy labor conditions.

        Chatham is one company that has developed processes for several different gem stones their website has some interesting info on lab created stones.

        In addition to man made (lab created) real stones there are also various degrees of synthetics. They usually don’t have the same make up and characteristics. These are great for pieces that are more costume than heirloom.

        Also did you know you can get a diamond made of a someone’s ashes?

        1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          Ooh, good to know there’s a distinction between lab-created-but-real and synthetic.

          1. Hellanon*

            Weelll… when jewelry people use the term “synthetic” they mean lab-grown but essentially the same. So, synthetic diamonds are carbon forced into the cubic crystal structure – same hardness, same light refracting properties, but really different growth patterns & sometimes different trace element chemistry. CZ, moissanite, “zircon” etc are different materials entirely, with different properties. Syn sapphire, syn ruby, syn emerald have the same crystal structure & basic chemical composition, different trace element chemistry & growth patterns, and often different crystal habits – in other words, very much the same to test & look at on a macro level but interestingly different on a finer level. My contention is that the cutters always, always know whether the rough is mined or lab-grown, but once the stone is cut & in a parcel with 4000 of its brothers & sisters, good luck telling things apart without a microscope and possibly Major MassSpec from NCIS.

        2. Jadelyn*

          I’m just going to say, I’m scanning the thread and I misread “ashes”.

          There was one too many “s”‘s, if you get my drift.

          Butt diamonds!

        3. Hellanon*

          Chatham, yes – Tom has been trying to get the syn diamonds thing going for 30 years. The tech on that is finally “here” in a commercially viable way. If I”m not mistaken,he was trying to refine the old Russian flux-growth methods (which Carroll essentially invented for emeralds, and which killed him) but most of what’s on the market now is chemical-vapor deposition technology – the carbon is laid down in layers. *Much* harder to tell apart when close to flawless because the growth disturbances aren’t there.

      5. Hellanon*

        There are no drawbacks. One big advantage is that they are typically cleaner (fewer inclusions/fractures) and so can be more durable (and prettier, if you prefer the look of perfection). They are also less expensive, frequently by enormous amounts, because the growth process is so much more predictable than finding things in mines will ever be. The real problem lies in the opportunity they provide for fraud: as long as people know what they are buying they should buy what fits their budget & taste.

        Having said that, I’m referring here to synthetics – lab-grown stones that are otherwise essentially identical – not fakes like CZ, moissanite, etc. Those are in no way similar to natural gems & should not be sold as synthetics, as their properties (durability, etc) & value basis are so different.

    2. Anonanonanon*

      Ooh! I have been wondering about wedding bands. Pave bands seem popular, but do they actually last?

      1. Hellanon*

        The micropave bands that are so popular (and halo settings in similar configurations) can be pretty delicate. The issue is that the stones are so tiny that the beads of metal holding them need to be pretty tiny as well. If it’s something you are looking to wear everyday there are styles that should be more durable. Or if you are not hard on things – I bash my jewelry to bits – I don’t know how, but I think I am careless with my hands – you should be fine if you buy something well-made.

    3. curly sue*

      Do you know anything about the new(ish) industry in Life Gems (the diamonds supposedly compressed from cremains)? Are they a scam, or can reasonable-quality gemstones actually be made that way?

        1. Hellanon*

          Bah, quality…can you make diamonds out of ashes? Certainly; we are carbon-based life forms, diamonds are carbon: extract the carbon, apply enough heat/pressure, and yes, diamonds. The quality is a bit of another question. These guys have been around for something on the order of 20 years; they will work with your undertaker (or your vet) to take delivery of an appropriate amount of cremains. Personally, I’d rather have an elaborate reliquary, but it seems there is a demand…

    4. Corky's wife Bonnie*

      I have a platinum and diamond wedding band (heirloom), but my engagement ring is white gold. It’s not visible to the naked eye, but I can tell the difference. Every time I get prices on resetting my engagement ring in the platinum it’s always beyond my budget. Is there somewhere I should be checking to see when the platinum prices are down?

      1. Frank Doyle*

        Ha! This question is funny to me because I currently wear four rings on a daily basis: one is silver, one is white gold, one is platinum, and one is titanium. It’d be nice if they all matched, and I can totally see the difference, but it doesn’t bother me at all!

        1. The New Wanderer*

          Hey me too – with the exception that the ring I thought was silver turned out to be white gold (and antique, apparently). But my engagement ring is platinum and wedding band is titanium. I don’t mind the color differences but I can definitely tell, esp the titanium because it’s a thicker band so the gray tint is more noticeable.

      2. Positive Reframer*

        Have you looked at getting your white gold re-plated more often? That might help at least and would likely be less expensive, it applies a microscopic layer of usually rhodium (which is in the platinum family) and would help it be more of a true white.

        Also look into palladium as a less expensive but much closer in color option. If I recall correctly (been a few years) platinum is more difficult to work with for the jeweler so the price could be more related to the cost of the labor rather than the raw material.

        1. Anna*

          yeah, a couple of my friends wanted a platinum-colored wedding band, and decided to go with palladium which looks similar, but is less expensive.

        2. Corky's wife Bonnie*

          I do that. The place where my husband got my ring offers the re-plating at no cost. There’s still a bit of a difference but not enough for me to break the bank right now.

    5. Too much jewelry*

      Ooh. I have a bunch of jewelry from my ex-husband’s late mother. She had TONS and he and his sister both already have all the sentimental pieces, so none of what I have has any sentimental value and they wouldn’t want it back. (Except the family heirloom engagement ring. I’m keeping that for my kids, I guess? Would anyone want to give an engagement ring from a very civil divorce to their fiancee? No idea.) I don’t wear much jewelry so I was thinking of trying to sell it. It’s mostly gold with amethysts and a few pearls. Is it likely to be worth much of anything? How do I find a reputable place to sell it? I’m wary of the big yellow side of the highway signs yelling “WE BUY GOLD!”

      1. Positive Reframer*

        Try to find somewhere that will sell on consignment, especially if it isn’t urgent to liquidate them. When you sell to a “We Buy Gold” place they are going to pay you based on the weight of the precious metals that you have, generally stones will count against you (especially things like amethysts which are cheap to get) and if they are planning to melt them down (likely) then they may give you an even lower figure because they have to pay to remove the stones.

      2. SarahKay*

        Engagement ring from divorce – in the UK Prince William gave Kate his mother’s (Princess Di’s) engagement ring when they got engaged. Granted, that got more complicated because Diana is dead, but still, it clearly does happen.

        1. Too much jewelry*

          Oh, I didn’t know that. That makes me feel much less weird about holding onto it for my kids. It really is beautiful.

          1. Anonanonanon*

            They also have the option of resetting the stone, which can save a lot of money over a new one.

      3. Not So NewReader*

        The few examples I have seen of rings from marriages that ended in divorce, the ring was given to a female descendant of the couple for her own use. Kind of appropriate because the grandparents were her biological grandparents even though they split later. This was done in the spirit of “each kid gets one special thing” so girl 1 got the ring, boy 1 got grandfather’s toy train (or whatever) girl 2 was given something else of very high emotional/ family history value… and so on.

        The times that this worked best is when the parent did it BEFORE they died or laid it out in a will and told the children what was in the will. So the kids had it kind of drilled into their heads, Sue gets the ring, Bob gets the train, and Jane gets grandma’s hutch. You may be able to do something like this.

        OTH, you could sell it and get something everyone would enjoy right now.

    6. Salamander*

      Very cool! I’m wondering…is it possible to get actual moldavite anymore? I’m seeing a lot of stuff that I’m suspecting is lab-created, and I want to get a piece of the real thing. Doesn’t have to be gemstone-quality or suitable for jewelry. Just something rough but pretty for my rockhound collection!

      1. Fishsticks*

        Check on ebay! My mom is a geologist and buys SO many rocks on ebay at a fraction of the cost. The only thing I’d advise if you don’t know too much about rocks, is to check the reviews of the seller and make sure the pictures aren’t too distorted or don’t have a proper scale.

      2. Anna*

        As a material scientist, just wanted to chime in to say – lab-made means the material is exactly the same. The structure of a gem sourced from some mountain is recreated exactly in the lab – minus impurities and irregularities like inclusions.
        You probably have your own reasons to prefer one over the other, but just wanted to put that out there.

        2. Salamander*

          Thanks! I am just emotionally attached to getting a real piece of something that actually came from a meteor impact. I know I’m being weird about it, lol!

      3. Hellanon*

        Mineral shows & eBay are probably your best bet. I doubt anyone is lab-growing moldavite, although they may be trying to pass garden-variety green glass off that way. What you’ll see with the real deal is that textured surface on the rough material, and then inside, the gas bubbles will look flattened/distorted, not perfectly round.

    7. ginger ale for all*

      My fiancé surprised me with the wrong size engagement for me and it is a set with a wedding ring as well. They have an inscription inside. How long will it take to get them resized? Although they do not fit the ring finger, they do fit my middle finger and I have been wearing the engagement one for weeks, I love it so much and I don’t know how long I could wait with it off of my finger (plus the ensuing questions that it would bring about).

      1. Positive Reframer*

        If you go to an independent jeweler it might be able to be done within a day, if you go through a mall store (important if the you want to keep the warranty from one) then you could expect a week or more since they have to ship it off site, wait for it to get to the top of the queue and then send it back. It will probably have to be re-engraved.

        As for the questions just saying its at the jeweler will satisfy any reasonable person.

    8. Amelia*

      How does resizing actually work? Are the rings being stretched or material added? How does that not affect the ring? And for down sizing is material removed?

      1. Positive Reframer*

        For down sizing material is removed (and no, you don’t generally get to keep it) then the ring is reshaped and soldered together. For upsizing it can depend. IF you are going up a little bit then some places will stretch out the ring but that can cause issues and wouldn’t recommend it unless its a half size or less. Usually material is added. The ring is cut and then a piece of material is added and the two joins are soldered.

        One important consideration: When you change the diameter of a circle you change its circumference. If you have stones set along the side of the ring and change the size up or down that can effect the relationship of the stones to their setting. Sometimes that restricts what is possible (or at least not prohibitively expensive) on different styles of rings if you are larger, or even more so smaller than average.

        2. Hellanon*

          All these points are excellent ones. A good jeweler will, moreover, take the time to explain all this to you.

      2. Sal*

        I second this question. My ex had my family heirloom engagement ring resized a bit smaller to fit my finger. We (obviously) broke up and I would like to resize it back up to fit on a different finger. But it seems so skinny I don’t know if there is enough metal?! I’m assuming they would not have downsized it and kept an extra bit of metal (although I have no idea where he took it or if it was a reputable place), but I’d like to understand how this works.

        1. Positive Reframer*

          If you are concerned about the thinness either in width or depth you might look into doing a half shank replacement (it will be pricey since they are adding half a ring’s worth of material.) A place where you can talk to the jeweler in person would be a good option as they should be able to tell you if things are a risk. If they can’t or won’t tell you what method will be used or in general answer your questions find someone else. Independent jewelers can sometimes have connections with pawn shops or antique places so if there’s one of those you trust or frequent those can be a resource to find a reputable professional in your area.

    9. LK03*

      Thanks for offering! (And Alison, thanks for a super-cool idea for a post.)

      Here’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while. I have a birthstone ring that I inherited from my grandmother: it’s a square-cut orange topaz in a pinkish-gold setting (no idea whether that’s 14K gold or what) that probably dates from the late 1930s when my grandparents were dating. I love to wear this ring (and it fits snugly, so it’s safe) — but I worry that it’s more valuable than I realize, and maybe I shouldn’t wear it?

      I’m sort of afraid of appraisers (I know this is dumb) since I don’t know anything about jewelry, and I don’t even know how much getting an appraisal would cost. I guess I’m hoping the answer is that the ring is only worth a couple hundred dollars at most, but that means that if the appraisal is expensive, maybe it’s not actually worth getting one! Grrr.

      Any advice? Should I just suck it up and get the thing appraised? How do I find an appraiser who is reputable? I don’t imagine I would sell the ring (unless it was worth, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars or something, but I really doubt that).

      1. Hellanon*

        Arrgghh! Wear your jewelry, especially if you love it!

        Ahem. You can get it appraised (the American Gem Society can recommend someone near you) or at least get the stone identified if you need the documentation, or you can do a bit of cross-shopping at an estate jeweler or auction house. If it’s a Brazilian imperial topaz, yes, it’s worth some money, certainly, but really, wearing it sounds like it brings you joy – I would keep doing exactly that. (Most standard appraisals will be replacement cost, meaning what it would cost to buy one just like it; if something happened to it and you wouldn’t replace it, you might ask for a fair-market or auction-value appraisal, get a sense of what it would be worth if you sold it.)

        1. LK03*

          Arrgghh! Wear your jewelry, especially if you love it!

          Ha, that’s mostly how I feel…and I love that I have the same birthstone as my grandma had.

          Thanks so much for the suggestions. These look like some things I could actually try to do. And in the meantime, I will keep wearing the ring. ;)

    10. Emmie*

      I’d like to buy a pair of diamond earrings, and a gold necklace. I have no experience buying jewelry. I’ve heard that there is a markup on the items. How should I negotiate the price down? What’s a realistic discount to negotiate?

      1. Positive Reframer*

        In most stores the markup starts at 3x cost. Do some research on exactly what is and isn’t important to you. For diamond earrings for example an exact match in color isn’t as important since no one is going to see them side by side while they are on.

        Find someone who is willing to listen to you and isn’t continuously trying to up-sell you or tell you what you need. (Also no jewelry purchased at retail prices is an “investment”)

        With gold chains, do you care if it is gold filled (which ironically means it isn’t filled with gold) or do you want solid gold? Some style of chains are easy to repair if broken, other’s are doomed to the scrap pile.

      2. Hellanon*

        Shop around a bit, get a sense of what the market price is for exactly what you want. Look online – Blue Nile, Brilliant Earth, well-know companies (not ebay) – and do some apples-apples comparisons. Then shop the independent jewelers in your area, get recs from friends – what you want to find is someplace where you feel comfortable taking your business & where you can can feel pleased with your purchase. Keep in mind two things: a) markup is what keeps the lights on in a business and b) someone who’s willing to negotiate down has raised their prices in order to be able to do so. Much more worthwhile to spend the time to figure out what a reasonable price is and then to buy something you love from someone you like. That way, you are happy with more than the price – you actually like your jewelry.

      3. Emmie*

        Thank you, Positive Reframer and Hellanon. I really appreciate your expertise. I’ve seen discount jewelers and wonder how great those places are.

    11. Michaela*

      How do I care for my everyday earrings? (A pair of wee diamond studs, and a pair of freshwater pearl studs.)

      1. Hellanon*

        The diamonds can go into 409 or an ammonia-based cleaner – soak for a bit then use a soft toothbrush to gently clean out the back of the setting. Rinse well & dry. The pearls only need a gentle wipe – never put pearls into any kind of cleaner.

    12. ALPA*

      Obviously you can’t be sure without a picture, but my engagement ring is an heirloom in my husband’s family. Everyone keeps telling me it’s a citrine or yellow sapphire. It’s 90 years old – so I guess which of those stones would last longer?

      1. Anonanonanon*

        Sapphire is more durable than citrine but I believe both are known to be durable stones. Sapphire is a 9 on the Mohs scale. I believe citrine is a 7. If you really want to know what the stone is, a jeweler or appraiser could probably tell you. Do you ever take it to a jeweler to be cleaned?

        1. ALPA*

          Yes! The jeweler I take it to for cleaning told me it was “probably” a yellow sapphire.

          1. Hellanon*

            Oy. It could also be a synthetic yellow sapphire, which are pretty common in vintage pieces. OIf it’s a “hot” intense yellow it’s very likely synthetic; the natural ones from that era tend to be a softer color. If you want to get it appraised properly, call the American Gem Society and ask them to rec someone reliable near you. Sounds pretty – I love yellow sapphire!

    13. Princess Scrivener*

      Hellanon, tell me about morganite. We had some issues with a diamond 30-year-anniversary band, so we made the *#$%@s swap it out for 3 lesser-value rings, and I absolutely love this morganite stone (set in rose gold) in one of them! The jeweler said most of the ring’s value is from the metal and smaller diamonds, but I’m so so obsessed with it. Thank you!

      1. Hellanon*

        Morganite is lovely stuff & the prices on better quality stones (more pink, more color overall) have been going up. It’s kin to aquamarine so pretty durable/wearable, and that color is just luscious. As far as the relative value – your jeweler is probably right, the ring might cost more to replace than the morganite stone, but for my money that’s not really the question, you know? And last time I priced nice morganite it was similar to aquamarine in $$ per carat.

    14. Alston*

      Is blue zircon hard enough for an engagement ring? I love the colors you can get with it, but wonder about durability.

      1. Hellanon*

        Hard no on that. Blue zircon tends to be brittle (it’s usually heated, which causes the brittleness) and will chip/abrade along the facet junctions in a ring that’s worn every day. You can get the same color in blue topaz and, bear with me, treated blue diamond, both of which are really reasonable in price. (Treated diamonds have had their color adjusted artificially but are otherwise natural diamonds – I am not talking here about CZs or synthetic diamonds. )

    15. NewJobWendy*

      I make historical costumes. What are some good online sources for low-quality gemstones that can either be sewn on to fabric, or put in settings that can be sewn on?

      1. Hellanon*

        Couple thoughts – bead shows as a place to start and then check out a company called Rio Grande out of Albuquerque. They sell stones and findings and may have what you want. There’s also a company called CJS Sales in New York that I think may have what you are looking for (they keep sending me emails, although I haven’t shopped there).

      2. This Daydreamer*

        I know this is several months later, but I would highly recommend Fire Mountain Gems. Especially check out the promo beads. And if you’re on the east coast, both Intergalactic Bead Shows (despite the unfortunate acronym) and Intergem (AKA International Gem and Jewelry Shows) have great selections. The latter show is a real experience – you can find strands for a dollar or less and pieces that are likely worth more than every house you will ever live in. It’s amazing.

    16. she was a fast machine*

      I just started wearing my deceased mother’s antique wedding band as my own wedding band, and it’s a gold band, I’m not sure of the quality, but it was resized larger at one point in my mom’s life and I’m concerned that the inside part of the ring is thinner and narrower than the rest of the ring(presumably from being worn and the resizing). I had all of the prongs retipped and it brought back to round before I started wearing it, but I’m worried I’ll have to get the back half of the band replaced sooner rather than later. About how much does that kind of thing cost? Does the cost of the diamonds factor into that price at all or is it just a matter of the metal? FWIW, it was an engagement band and a guard that were soldered together when my parents were married.

      1. Hellanon*

        How lovely! And when it’s from someone you cared for, that’s really all that’s important… you may need to get the ring reshanked. This is when a jeweler replaces the back half of the ring. You’ll want someone who knows what they are doing – if you have friends you can get a recommendation from, that’s the best way to go. I couldn’t begin to estimate the cost… but a jeweler should be able to give you a thorough estimate and describe exactly what they are doing before you leave your ring. And really, it’s more a question of labor than anything else.

        1. she was a fast machine*

          I really appreciated the jeweler we took it to for the retipping and rounding so I will probably check with them and see what their advice is.

    17. Newlywed*

      My engagement ring is 10k gold w/ filagree setting with a small antique authentic russian alexandrite stone (it was hard to find – he had to have the ring designed and stone set by a jeweler in a neighboring state because there weren’t any jewelers in our area that carried the stone). I love it, inclusions and all, but I am wondering how to best care for it and clean it? I usually take it off if I’m doing chores or tasks where it might get dinged. I also haven’t been able to find a jeweler who will resize the band…the jewelers I’ve gone to have said that since they cannot replace the stone, they will not resize it because they cannot guarantee no damages. The band fits for now, but eventually I will want it resized to be a little smaller. It’s such a beautiful ring and makes me feel like a queen…it’s petite and dainty, but the color changes from deep blue/purple to brilliant green, and I love it so much more than a diamond.

      1. Hellanon*

        Alexandrite is the actual best – it is just so beautiful & rare.

        To take care of it, a bit of gentle cleaner & a soft brush – the alex is super durable but you’ll want to be careful with the setting – soak it for a bit and rinse thoroughly in warm water from the tap. The toothbrush is helpful if there is stuff stuck to the back of the stone. Brush *carefully* though. With the sizing, your best bet will be to get it to a jeweler who has access to a laser torch – it’s the only way to work on the ring without heating up the stone. If the ring itself is fairly delicate & it’s not so big it’s uncomfortable, you might look at just getting a second gold band to wear on the other side of your engagement ring, sort of as a keeper ring. It’ll prevent the alex from coming off your finger without all the worry of having someone work on an antique ring.

    18. Dryroasted*

      This literally makes my day Hellanon! I have been wondering who to ask and this is perfect timing! I inherited a ring from my grandmother and I love it. Makes me think of her every time I wear it. I want to design a ring as a kind if memorial to my dad, who passed away a few years ago. We loved talking about gemstones together.
      I have a local jeweler that I have used for some repairs but I am not sure if they are a good choice for this. I am thinking some combination of emerald, yellow sapphire and possibly green or greenish blue tourmaline. This would be a ring that I wore often. I am hoping to design it myself. Do those gemstones sound like a good idea? Any advice? Should I try to buy my own gemstones and take them to jeweler or should I have the jeweler source them? I am super excited about hearing your advice and thank you!

      1. Hellanon*

        The best way to do this would be to work with a store that does custom design- certainly talk to your regular jeweler, but shop around a bit as well, and see if your friends have recommendations. I used to do this kind of work, and it always seemed to work the best when I could get a variety of different stones in for the customer to see & then let the ring evolve from the stones – so, you’d start with the basic idea of the ring, identify the stones that will make it come to life, and then have the ring made.

        One thing you might do first is try on a bunch of different ring styles, figure out what basic layout of stones & metal fits well, is comfortable, feels “right” on your hand. Try different configurations (cocktail rings, 3-stone rings in various shapes, modern styles) and make note of the styles that you could be happy wearing. Take a picture. Then get a good jeweler to help you source the stones, and your ring will come together really well. (And buy good quality stones! That’s the best determination of happiness – the stones should have lots of color, great liveliness, and be symmetrical in their shape & faceting. They don’t have to be the most expensive color but you should like it, and it should be even and clear.) Bulgari and Marina B do great work with mixing colors – check out Google images for a glimpse.

        Good luck! Sounds like a lovely idea, and a good designer will bring it to life beautifully.

        1. Dryroasted*

          Thank you so much! I will check out those designers. I have a screenshot of an antique ring that I like but I have not tried one on. Good idea! Is tourmaline hard enough and durable enough for an everyday ring?

          1. Hellanon*

            Mostly yes, if you are not too hard on your jewelry. It will abrade faster than the yellow sapphire but then so will an emerald. Mention to the designer that it’s something you want to wear everyday & there are things they can do to help minimize wear & tear. But also, consider not worrying to hard about getting tiny dings on the facet junctions – you won’t be able to see them without a loupe, in 10 years if they are really scratched up you can get the stones repolished, the sapphire will be fine regardless… I am a huge fan of wearing one’s jewelry, although not to garden, I will add!

    19. Just Write*

      I have a ring that I call “the ring of seven grandmothers” just because it’s an awesome name – technically I am the seventh, and I’m not even a mother yet, much less a grandmother, but it’s still a stonking cool piece of family history. I hardly ever wear it because I’m terrified to lose or damage it. But I’d love to.

      It’s rose gold, very thin and delicate, and set with seven little half-pearls – two of which are fake, I am told, because they were replaced a couple of grandmothers ago when we were much poorer. I would love to get them re-replaced with real pearls, and I would also love to get it resized like a LOT – it only just fits my little finger. I have big hands even for 2018, and the hands of my two-hundred-years-ago grandmother who had it first must have been incredibly delicate.

      What kind of options are available to me? I understand it has been resized once before already and that’s why it’s now so thin and delicate. It could also use a good clean, but I know enough not to put pearls in any kind of strong cleaner, and I’d be so miserable if I was the one this ring ended with.

      1. Hellanon*

        You’re going to need someone who works in estate jewelry & has access to a laser welder. From what you are saying, the whole shank may need replacing; what we used to do with these kinds of things sometimes was to treat the top of the ring as if it were a gemstone and “set” it onto a whole new ring. That way the jeweler could support the delicate antique mountings from the sides and back and create something that fit the customer’s hand without trying to reshape the part that held the stones. But find someone who knows what they are doing – those little half pearls won’t stand up to any kind of heat.

  17. a good crafter*

    I’m super good at knitting and crochet if anyone needs a new hobby and has questions. (It actually comes up at work decently often in conversations, and actually reading patterns can be a good way to explain coding examples like loops.)

    1. Bekx*

      What’s your favorite low-budget yarn? I’m a crocheter myself and so far I like Jo-Ann’s Deborah Norville yarn and Hobby Lobby’s I Love This Yarn for acrylics. Just curious what other people like to use that’s cheap and soft.

      1. CRM & CIP*

        I use Red Heart Super Saver…not that it is soft when I USE it, but after washing, it softens up pretty nicely.

        But not the ombres…the solid colors.

      2. KHB*

        I’ve only worked with it a little, but so far I’m impressed with Woolike yarn sold at Michael’s. It’s not remotely like wool, IMO, but it’s soft and cheap and comes in great colors.

      3. medium of ballpoint*

        Seconding Hobby Lobby yarn. There’s a lot about HL’s business practices I don’t like, but I can’t deny their yarn is quality for the price.

      4. Doe-Eyed*

        Not the OP but I LOVE KnitPicks stuff – it’s a little nicer than Michael’s/Joann’s stuff but still really cheap for gifty type projects.

        2. alannaofdoom*

          Yes! Knitpicks has some great values across the board. Also their interchangeable needle sets are good quality and a great investment if you can afford it. Definitely helped tame my needle chaos.

      5. Z*

        I love Lion Brand Homespun yarn. It’s super soft and comes in all sorts of pretty colors. I’ve used it for multiple projects. Also, I bought Lion Brand Amazing yarn on Amazon a few months ago since it came up as an add-on deal and it was really pretty and also very soft – I ended up making a baby blanket with it.

      6. Travelling Circus*

        My current favourite is Caron Simply Soft. (We don’t have Hobby Lobby in Canada, but one of these days I’m going to do some cross-border shopping and pick up some ILTY!)

      7. a good crafter*

        I agree with all the above comments, but I find it depends on the type of project too. If I’m doing stuffed animals, I tend to go with your basic acryllics (Red Heart Super Saver, Caron Simply Soft). My best recommendation for keeping it cheap is to keep your yarn! I very rarely have to actually buy yarn for projects, because I keep enough colors on hand from past projects that I can start up and complete a project without every going to the store.
        I live in a one bedroom apartment and just got a drawer unit to put in my closet that is dedicated to yarns. Once in a while I go through and clear out colors that are duplicates or that I don’t think I’ll use again (though that has bitten me before).

        But if you’re looking to make clothing items, it might be worth spending a little more on a blend like the Caron Cake yarns for some variety (they’re 80% acrylic and 20% wool). I used the Tea Cake variety when I made myself a blanket not too long ago.

      8. BetsCounts*

        Caron Simply Soft is the best! I find Red Heart to be too coarse when working- I see upthread that it softens after washing but I don’t want to be holding rough yarn while a project is in progress- knitting & crocheting is supposed to be fun!
        +5 for KnitPicks!

      9. Garland not Andrews*

        I like the Caron Soft for knitting. Not for crochet because it tends to split.

    2. TechServLib*

      What are your favorite easy/medium level knitting projects? I want to get back into knitting but I can’t think of anything to make that is both useful and feasible For example, sweaters are useful, but too difficult/long term of a project for me. I have boxes of scraps of cable designs that I enjoyed doing (cables are like a really fun puzzle to me!), but they’re not doing anybody any good.

      1. Lehigh*

        Seconding this! I love to crochet or knit while watching TV, chatting with people, etc. but I don’t know how many more scarves my friend group can handle…but I’m concerned that anything with too much counting will make it impossible to multi-task!

        1. a good crafter*

          My new favorite thing in the world is C2C (corner to corner) blankets. No counting involved! They’re pretty hard to mess up. I never wanted to make a blanket because I hated counting and how slow it was, but now I’ve used C2C to make a baby blanket for my nephew, a toddler blanket for my niece, and a full sized blanket for myself, all while watching TV. The great thing is you can also use cross stitch patterns and color changes to put words or images into them. (And since a lot of tutorials forget to mention this – you don’t have to only do squares. To do a rectangle, you just increase at one end and decrease at the other once you get as far as you want the short end to be.)

          https://makeanddocrew.com/how-to-corner-to-corner-crochet-c2c-for-beginners/

          1. Emily*

            Ooh, this is a neat concept! I’ve only ever crocheted small things (a few amigurumi and an in-progress chalk bag for my boyfriend), but this looks incredibly doable.

      2. Nea*

        Sounds to me like you’ve already got a box full of Assemble Into Blanket. That’s my “keep my hands busy” project: Blanket squares.

        If that doesn’t seem useful enough, there are charities that take scarves of all kinds.

      3. NotThatGardner*

        hats & cowls are great small projects that can be anywhere from easy to hard depending on the pattern!

      4. Doe-Eyed*

        Socks! They seem daunting but once you do a few they’re not and you can put all kinds of crazy cables and patterns onto them.

      5. The Ginger Ginger*

        I hope it’s okay if I jump in on this thread too, because I LOVE talking about knitting and crochet.
        Are your cable scraps in similar weights of yarn? You could seam those puppies together for a lap blanket, or make a scarf.

        Hats, Fingerless mitts, scarves, all good for beginners. I can also recommend the Easy Blanket Sweater by the Mama in a Stitch blog. You knit a cozy square (so simple) and seam a couple arm holes to get a wearable cocoon sweater. And since your knitting with 2 strands it knits up way fast and is super cushy.

      6. knitcrazybooknut*

        Log Cabin Blankets. I started with the Mason Dixon pattern. I get two complimentary color Caron Acrylic Pounders. I start with one, and knit the pattern until I am done with it. Then I join the other color until I’ve gone all the way around the other square. Then I attach every extension I have to make the longest circular needle ever and pick up around the entire thing, and start knitting all around. You have to remember to start purling every other round or it doesn’t stay in garter stitch. Once you’re done, you have a four foot ish by four foot ish blanket that any kid is going to love, and the hardest part of the job was pushing the thing along the circular needles toward the end. My favorite for knitting while watching tv.

        1. BetsCounts*

          I **love** the mason Dixon log cabin pattern. I actually printed it out and laminated it because I make it so often.
          I also really like potholders- but only for knitting, not crochet.

      7. Anonyme*

        Tin Can Knits has the Sinple Collection, free knitting patterns with detailed tutorials and instructions. Everything fron cowls to sweaters.

      8. Stan*

        My mom was the queen of potholders and dishrags. They were great for using up scraps of yarn, plus, they wear out, so people could always use more.

      9. Caramel & Cheddar*

        On Ravelry there’s a pattern called the “Gap-tastic Cowl” that I always use as a beginner project whenever I teach someone how to knit (yes, I teach them how to knit in the round before learning to knit flat!). It only requires knit and purls, can become fairly mindless if you’re looking for something to do in front of the TV, and the finished product is both useful and pretty. I’ve probably made three or four, and could probably make another three or four without getting sick of it.

      11. Aealias*

        If you like doing cables, mittens and fingerless gloves. Short, quick and cableful!

        I love making soft toys, they so quickly start to look like something that I find them immediately rewarding. Also, shaping requires some complicated stitching and counting, which is fun for me. I get bored if I have to do the same thing for long.

        Doll’s clothes are the bomb for that. Quick, with some quite complicated shaping and stitches. Also, I can’t seem to buy fashion doll clothes without a doll attached, anymore, so making clothes helps keep anthropomorphic hunks of plastic from taking over the world!

    3. RJ*

      What’s your favorite go-to source for patterns/new stitches for knitting? I’ve been using Ravelry, but I’m willing to pay for a good comprehensive book that will help me master more complicated stuff. Also, any advice on how to choose good yarn would be great. Yarn stores are so overwhelming!

      1. NotThatGardner*

        yarn stores can be overwhelming, but most of the people who work in them are pretty friendly – i definitely recommend talking to them! also looking on ravelry “yarn ideas” tab on a pattern you want to buy yarn for — it gives lots of sugestions in all sorts of budget ranges.

      2. Louise*

        PurlSoho is a great site! It has a good combination of free and paid patterns, and has a lot of really great tutorials!

      5. a good crafter*

        There are a lot of really great resources online, I’d search Knitting Stitch Dictionary and you’ll find great sites like this:
        http://www.vogueknitting.com/resources/stitchionary

        A lot of time then have good suggestions on what to use the stitch in also.

        For physical books, I’ve also enjoyed Nicky Epstein’s series Knitting On The Edge, Knitting Over the Edge, etc. for cool stitches to try. They should have it at Barnes & Noble or your local library if you want to flip through it.

      6. a good crafter*

        For new stitches, look up Knitting Stitch Dictionaries. Vogue has a nice one I can’t seem to link to here. Also for physical books, I’d suggest visiting your local book store or especially at your library and flip through their craft section. You can see which books have interesting patterns or guides that appeal to you.

    4. ChrysantheMumsTheWord*

      What’s the best way to get started? I’ve bought books and watched videos and I just get so confused and end up quitting.

      1. Murphy*

        Not the OP, but find a local yarn store that offers beginner’s classes. Having a person there to answer questions can be a lot more helpful. Also a lot of them offer pattern help if you buy your supplies there, so it can be really helpful to make a connection there.

      2. Nea*

        I used the videos on KnittingHelp.com and just started with a few square dishcloths. They’re simple, useful, and it’s not too cosmically horrible if the first few are ugly.

      3. Petty Editor*

        Bhooked crochet is AMAZING. Nerdigurumi too. Some wonderful tutorials that’ll get you into fancy looking projects in no time. Try the braided hairpin lace scarf, it’s a knock out!

      4. a good crafter*

        What kind of things do you want to make? Personally I think Crochet is easier, more versatile, and definitely easier to fix mistakes, and honestly I think it’s more fun. But if you’re more interested in clothing, knitting could be more interesting to you.

        I agree that having someone teach you can be good if you’re not finding tutorials working for you. I second the suggestion of seeing if there’s a beginners class at your local store, or looking for a meetup.com knitting group and see if someone there can get you over that initial learning curve.

      1. The New Wanderer*

        Not the OP so apologies if I get this a little off, but my impression is that both knit/crochet patterns and coding involve creating subroutines that are nested into/called out in the basic overall framework.

        For example:
        Pattern 1 involves a sequence of knit, purl, k2t, yo, etc and gets repeated for X rows.
        Pattern 2 involves a different sequence of stitches and gets repeated for Y rows.

        Overall Pattern is:
        Cast on 60 st, kn for 4 rows
        Pattern 1 in color A
        Pattern 2 in color B
        Pattern 1 in color B
        Pattern 2 in color A
        Kn for 4 rows
        Cast off.

      2. a good crafter*

        I don’t know if you’re serious, but I’m going to take it as such :)

        Variables are symbols that stand for values in code. So where at the start of a pattern they might say K2Tog = Knit Two Together, a variable in code would say NameOfProduct = “Knitter’s guide to the Apocalypse”. Then instead of putting in Knit Two Together in each line of the pattern, they can use the more concise K2Tog and know the reader understands what it means because they defined it. Same where we can put NameOfProduct other places in the code and know what it means, or change its value in one place and have that carry through to the rest of the program. (If a pattern said K2Tog here now means Purl two together, you’d mentally change what it means every time you see it show up in the code. That’s basically what the computer does with variables.)

        For loops are loops where you need to do something a set amount of times. In a pattern you’d see this as something like *K2, P1 Rep from * 5 times. In computer code:
        for (i=1; i 5)
        { K2, P3 }
        Where in a pattern it would look like *P3. K3. Rep from * to last 5 sts. So no discreet number of times it needs to be done, just do it over and over until an end condition.

        Functions are a set of code that can be called over and over to be repeated instead of typing it out over and over. So in a pattern they might define a type of specialized stitch at the start like a SpStit where you have to do three steps like decrease once, increase twice, then decrease again. So they’ve made it up special and instead of putting all the steps in the pattern they would just write:
        K2, P1, SpStit, K1, P2

        In computer code it would look like this:
        void SpecialStitch()
        { Dec1, Inc2, Dec }
        then in the main body of the program it would be called for example:
        K2; P1; SpecialStitch(); K1; P2;
        But in a real program what is in there could do any number of complicated sets of instructions that happen over and over. It could define the equivalent of a pattern of a row, then you could call:
        RowOne();
        RowTwo();
        RowOne();
        RowThree();
        So that again you’re not typing things out over and over.

        I probably spent way too much time on this.

        1. a good crafter*

          I actually had a teacher in high school who used this analogy. He handed us a knitting pattern and said, “I bet this looks like gibberish to you.”

          I was like, “No, actually, I can read it like english it’s so clear.” Not so much the rest of the class, but the point was still made in an interesting way :P

        2. Windchime*

          I love your explanation, and it never occurred to me that this might be the reason that so many of the women I know who write code are also knitters. And why knitting patterns are, to me, like plain English–they really are a lot like reading code!

    6. Tuckerman*

      I want to learn how to knit to make a baby blanket for a friend. I’ve found lots of beginner tutorials, but I’m curious about types of yarn. I’d like to do the blanket in washable soft wool. Would that work for a blanket? And, do you have any recommendations for a place to buy this kind of yarn?

      1. Doe-Eyed*

        General rule of thumb is to at least aim for superwash wool if you insist on doing wool because it’ll need a lot of washing. Other people say to stick to acrylics or cottons because some babies can have wool allergies.

      2. Murphy*

        I made my daughter’s baby blanket out of washable wool (specifically Cascade 220 Superwash) and it worked out well. Not the softest, but reasonably soft, and the washable part was key for me. I bought mine online because I wanted a good color selection and I was familiar enough with the yarn that I didn’t need to feel it before I bought it. I’d try to find a local yarn store and tell them what you’re looking for.

      3. The Ginger Ginger*

        You’ll want superwash wool. It’s laundry safe, which is super important for babies (so I hear). You can order online if you don’t have a local yarn store or craft store. Webs (America’s Yarn Store) is literally at yarn(dot)com, but google around a bit to see what deals you can find elsewhere. There’s usually a sale somewhere. You can also order online from places like Michaels or Joann. Actually if you have a Michaels near your, they will have a huge selection of “baby” yarn. They don’t always have specialty yarn, but baby yarn? Yeah. The one near me is like 25% baby yarn. Even if you don’t find something you like in sotre, you can go in and look at brands and touch the yarn to get a general idea of what you’d like to work with.

        1. NotThatGardner*

          FWIW, webs has great customer service & often has really great sales, so if you are ok ordering online (not feeling the yarn) they are a great way to go. when i see a great deal on webs, i will often look up the yarn on ravelry to see how others liked it before buying!

      4. a good crafter*

        I agree with everyone on the risks of the wool blanket. But I did end up using an 80% acrylic, 20% wool yarn to make a baby blanket for my nephew, and he loves it. I used the Caron Cakes yarn, which has great colors.

        If you haven’t picked a pattern, I highly recommend doing a Corner 2 Corner blanket (it’s crochet, not knitting, but crochet is better for this and stuffed animals): https://makeanddocrew.com/how-to-corner-to-corner-crochet-c2c-for-beginners/

        The great thing is you can use cross stitch patterns to pick colors and embed images or words into the blanket.

    7. LizB*

      I started crocheting a scarf and messed it up real badly (it’s an infinity scarf and somehow several rows in I got it twisted around and turned it into a mobius strip), but didn’t realize until it was almost done. If I unravel the whole thing and start over, will that ruin my yarn?

      1. Nea*

        It depends on the yarn, but mobius scarves are also a thing and they’re beautiful. When in doubt, repeat the crafter’s mantra: I meant to do that. I think it looks cool.

        1. LizB*

          I know the yarn was wool (or mostly wool?), worsted weight. I was trying to go with that mindset, but unfortunately the way it twists in on itself makes it too short and not wide enough to actually be a good scarf. :( Normally I’m very much in the “there are no mistakes, just different artistic directions” camp but I actually want this to keep my neck warm.

      2. The Ginger Ginger*

        It depends on how sturdy your yarn is, but usually you should be okay to frog the whole thing (pull it all out). Just try to wind it into a ball as you unravel or you will be drowning in knots. It may look a little kinked as you go, but it shouldn’t be problem to rework it. And once you wash/block it, it will be fine.

        The only issue is if the yarn is super delicate it some way. Then you’ll need to be very gentle as you unravel.

        1. Grad Student*

          What is blocking and how do you do it? I’ve seen it suggested when I’ve googled how to unstretch sweaters, but when I try it I feel like I’m just smushing fabric around to no effect.

          1. knitcrazybooknut*

            You have to be using actual wool to block something. Acrylic will not block. Full stop, end of sentence. So determine your fabric type first.

            If what you’ve got is actual wool, then you can block it. Get it wet. Blot it dry – don’t wring it out, just squeeze it until it’s pretty damp. Now lay out a towel, put the item on the towel, put another towel over it. Squish it. Do this until the towels and the item don’t squeeze much water out. (Yes, you use lots of towels.)

            Now you’re ready for actual blocking. Lay your item out on a towel. Pull it out to the measurements or shape you want it to be. Let it dry. Keep everyone and everything away from it.

            It will dry into the shape it should be. It will stay in this shape until it gets wet again.

            If it’s lace, there’s a whole ‘nother level of blocking, and you’ll need to google the heck out of those techniques. But wool only! You need to be sure you’re dealing with wool.

            Good luck!

            1. Ihmmy*

              ehhh, you can block acrylic. Just not as effectively as non synthetic yarns, and a lot more carefully. Mostly to help curling edges and straighten a few pieces, not to fix a full moebius muckup.

            2. The Ginger Ginger*

              You can (and should, if possible) block anything; acrylic just won’t behave like wool once it’s blocked. Wool will bloom, acrylic definitely doesn’t.

              To block, you can go the wet blocking route – which is put it in water, roll it in a towel and press out the water, then lay it flat in the shape you want (and pin it depending on whether it stays put or not). Or you can go the speed blocking route which I highly recommend. Lay flat (and pin in place if needed) then take a nice garment steamer and steam that puppy! You can press the steamer head right to the fabric. Give it a quick going over (avoiding ribbing and things that are supposed to curl like rolled collars or hems) then immediately unpin. It’ll be slightly damp, but not wet. Keep it layed out to dry if it’s very heavy or lay it over a chair or something if it won’t stretch out. Works like a dream and is SO much faster.

              1. Grad Student*

                Thank you all! Is wool expected to shrink when you wash it, or are you always expanding the size/shape when you block an item?

                1. The Ginger Ginger*

                  It’s pretty much always going to grow when it’s blocked. And once it dries, it’ll be bigger than it was pre-blocking. How much it grows will really depend on your yarn. It’s why I always block my swatch (even though swatching isn’t the most fun thing ever.)

      3. Positive Reframer*

        Most yarns are fine, but things with hairs that stick out (think furry or fuzzy) can cause more headache than just starting over. Some of the loosely twisted yarns might get weird too. Either way what you have now is unusable so it can either take up useless space or you can give it a try and see what happens.

        Crocheting seems to be more forgiving of weak spots in yarn than knitting as there are more loops in the same area and one broken loop won’t cause a run along the length of the whole thing.

      4. CV*

        I would say that make sure you wind it loosely into a ball. If you do it really tightly, then the yard gets all stretched out and your next finished product will be weird as the yarn relaxes back to its original length.

      5. BetsCounts*

        Your yarn should be fine, especially if it’s used for crochet. I wouldn’t use ripped out yarn by itself in a stockinette pattern since it’s so flat, but for crocheting it should be fine. I’ve heard that after you undo the project, you can wrap it into long loops, get it soaking wet, and then hang it to dry with weights pulling on it that removes the ‘bends’, but I don’t usually bother- I’ll just double up with another yarn or do a busier stitch.

        1. Windchime*

          I’ve actually done this. I frogged (unknitted) a sweater and the yarn was super kinky. It was a wool/alpaca blend so i definitely wanted to save it for another project. I wound it into balls as I frogged it, then wound it back onto my yarn swift. I tied it off at several points, and then removed it from the swift and soaked it for a couple of hours. Once it dried, it was not perfectly smooth but it was way less curly and kinky. Then I just twisted it into hanks and it’s ready for next time.

      6. Gingerblue*

        One other option you might want to consider, especially if the yarn doesn’t frog nicely: I’ve seen super cute infinity scarves which are a flat strip (like a normal scarf) with buttons at one end and holes at the other so it can be joined into a loop. If you cut and seamed what you have, it would be really easy to convert it to something like that.

    8. Ashie*

      I picked up crocheting last year and I really enjoy it but I’m feeling a little constrained by the types of things I can make with crochet. I’d love to learn how to knit but I haven’t found a tutorial that works well for me (admittedly I haven’t looked very hard, though). Any suggestions?

      1. NotThatGardner*

        youtube has a ton, but truthfully if you can find a local knit night or your yarn store, they might offer decently priced classes.

        1. Ashie*

          Yeah, that’s probably the way to go. I need the feedback on what I’m doing right or wrong. Thanks!

      2. Positive Reframer*

        How are you feeling constrained by crochet? In general crochet has much more range than knitting (although it isn’t as good for some things like socks).

        What types of things do you want to make?

        1. Ashie*

          I’m tired of hats and scarves. I’ll never wear a poncho or a granny square vest so I’m not sure what else that leaves as far as clothing. I feel like socks and sweaters are better done with knitting.

          1. Positive Reframer*

            Dresses and slippers might be another option, there are tons of types of vests that aren’t granny square. There’s also a big resurgence in the last couple years for crocheted swim suits and crop top/bralettes if that floats your boat. Swim suit coverups are more around my comfort level as far as actually wearing. Many of those will be best in a thin cotton yarn or cotton thread. House coats and cardigans work well in crochet and I have made a couple of crocheted sweaters I think their success is more tied to the yarn you use than the fact that its crochet. You can use crochet to upgrade mass produced items to make them unique whether its frilly socks or a new yoke for a top or trim for a collar or sleeves.

            There are some really cute crochet purses and shoes but that’s starting to stray from the realm of clothing just a bit.

            Have you checked out Ravelry? Or joined some groups on Facebook? Or found some creators to follow on Instagram? There is so much diversity in the crochet community I have far more inspiration than I have time or material to act upon.

          2. Lynn*

            There are so many beautiful crochet garments! You can try slip stitch or tunisian crochet if you want a look that’s more like knitting, but standard crochet also makes some beautiful work.
            Try checking out patterns on Ravelry, and you can also just browse Pinterest to see examples of crochet garments (though Rav is better as you won’t have the things where people have mixed up crochet and knitting)

      3. Proofin' Amy*

        You might also want to look into Tunisian crochet, which kind of splits the difference between knitting and crocheting. You use crochet hooks with a cable and a stopper at the end. Instead of pulling all your loops through, you leave them on the cable and pick them up on the way back.

    9. Rock Prof*

      Wow, I never thought of how something like ‘*k4, p4 repeat between * to last four stitches, k4’ would relate to for or while loops, but that would be such a cool analogy. Or, defining stitch terms before giving a pattern is like declaring variables! This is fun!
      (‘cool’ and ‘fun’ are also very relative here)

    10. 42*

      I recently started knitting again after like a 30 year hiatus. I’m finishing up a linen stitch scarf (knit lengthwise).

      I’ve never blocked anything before, and I will be blocking this once it’s finished. I’m going to use my Shark handheld steamer. I used many different yarn scraps for this. Most are acrylic (I think), some are wool/acrylic blends. I’ve read horror stories of ‘killing’ acrylic when in the blocking stage. I’m also reluctant to wash it in the machine because I’ve read that can kill it too?

      I want to get the uneven bumps out, basically, and to ‘puff up’ the stitches and even them out. What is you experience with steam blocking? Thank you!

      1. Positive Reframer*

        I like steam blocking and for something that benefits from being drapey rather than structured killing it (but not melting it) can be a good thing. I had a shawl that practically stood up by itself and was made with old cheap acrylic after several trips through the wash and dryer it was amazingly soft and supple (I also did the conditioner thing but that only got it so far).

        You could cover it with a light cotton towel to insulate it from some of the heat.

      2. CV*

        Wet blocking might be a better choice.
        Steam blocking can work absolutely beautifully on acrylic, but remember that steam is forever. You can’t re-block if you do steam, but you can re-block if you wet block.

    11. Becky*

      I can’t seem to purl to save my life even though I’ve watched a number of tutorials I still can’t seem to get it right. Any advice on learning how to purl properly?

      1. Positive Reframer*

        Part of my issues with purling are tied to how I throw my yarn (Continental style, needles do all the work)

        1. Gingerblue*

          Same here. When I switched from English to Continental, knitting was easy but purling took so much longer to get.

      2. a good crafter*

        It took me a while to get Purl right. For a while I was always twisting my stitches.

        Positive Reframer is right that it largely depends on how you hold your yarn. But I’ve found that even when I got my purl stitches right, I have to pull them way tighter than the knitting to avoid uneven looking stitches, bumpy looking rows, and gaps on the purl side of the yarn.

    12. Christy*

      I’m new at knitting and have only made scarves at this point. I bought a ton of wool when I was in Iceland (where they are apparently known for their wool). Unfortunately I didn’t really do it well – I have 2 skeins of gorgeous multi-colored wool; 1 sort of similar one; 3 of maroon; 3 of teal; 3 of purple, and 3 of bright pink. Obviously these can’t all be used in one project. I was trying to buy ones where they were all from the same batch, and couldn’t find more than 3 of a kind.

      What are your favorite places or books for patterns, especially for beginners? I was thinking of making a fairly crazy blanket with the teal/purple/pink maybe, fingerless gloves with the multi colored wool, and maybe another scarf with the maroon. Or any suggestions of how to use those types of wool? I can buy other types of wool to add to it here in the states (maybe for a striped pattern or something).

      Oh – and any suggestions for resources for knitting Christmas Stockings?

      Oh and any suggestions for how to make scratchy yarn less scratchy? The teal, purple, and pink is sort of rough.
      (I don’t know anyone else who knits – my mom taught me but is still learning herself) Thank you!!

      1. tusky*

        I recommended Knitty (website) above. Public libraries also usually have a decent selection of knitting pattern books. I have come to prefer borrowing over buying pattern books, because I can try out a much wider array of books and pick up a book even if I’m only interested in one pattern in it.

      2. Gingerblue*

        Are you on Ravelry (ravelry.com)? If not, start there–it’s an enormous online database of patterns/yarns/projects/etc., ferociously well cross-indexed, and provided with social forums as well. You can search for your exact yarn and see what other people have made out of it, or you can search for all patterns written for that thickness yarn, and a lot of the pattern entries will have downloadable patterns, either free or for sale online. Others will point you to physical books. If you want more of one of your colors, you may have luck finding another user to sell you some–a lot of people catalogue and photograph their yarn stash, and mark balls they don’t want any more for sell or trade. You can also search by category–so there’s a Christmas stocking category in the database that will pull up all Christms stocking patterns, and then you can narrow that down further by how much yarn they require or what thickness of yarn or whether there’s a free pattern or not. Ravelry is totally amazing and is the reason knitting stuck for me as a hobby after I got back into it some years ago.

        Icelandic yarns do tend to be on the scratchier side. I’d lean towards projects that don’t go next to skin. But conditioning the yarn can also help–either a dedicated wool wash with lanolin in it or just a cheap human hair conditioner can work to tame some of the scratch.

      3. NotThatGardner*

        try ravelry! you can even search the yarn you have or something similar to find pattern recommendations.

      4. A Cataloger*

        Icelandic yarn is amazing! Unfortunately if you purchased Lopi, it will tend to be scratchier than merino or other super soft wools. The Icelandic sheep has a double coat, a rougher outer and softer inner. Most of the knitting yarn cards the two together before spinning, but this combo is what makes the yarn super waterproof, very, very warm, and durable.

        Washing (after knitting) should help, it will remove the grease and other residue from the spinning process and allow the yarn to bloom properly. Use a good quality wool wash (not woolite, their formula has been adjusted over the years to work better with the synthetic fibers most of our delicates are now made with). You can try a gentle conditioner (wool is a protein the same as our hair)

    13. Extra Vitamins*

      Can you recommend a good video or other source to figure out “provisional cast on”? I can’t seem to get it.

      2. wireknitter*

        I found at least three different methods for provisional cast on. I tried all of them and went with what worked best for me. Watch several videos and then just try them.

    14. Anxa*

      Oh!

      I’m trying to replicate a family stocking pattern for my niece and I have the stocking. It’s actually knit flat (at least for the leg part) where the the design is. I’m at a loss as to whether use strand, intarsia, duplicate for parts of this.

      So there’s a reindeer on a plain background. It’s ALMOST good for intarsia, but there is also a border around the deer, which also serves as the antlers. So imagine a white background, a tan deer, and a black border/antlers. I have never done intarsia before and I really don’t know if I can do it. I don’t want to strand knit because that seems like a tension nightmare.

      I’m thinking of doing intarsia for the tan deer parts, then doing a duplicate stitch around the borders. But maybe I can pull off true intarsia.

      I wish I could link a picture, but do think it’s viable to us intarsia as a border on the deer?

      1. valc2323*

        If my mental picture of what you’re doing is right, I think you can totally do intarsia, you’re just going to end up with at least five balls of yarn going at once, maybe six or seven at some points. Black/white/tan/white/black in that order. Are you going top down or bottom up?

    1. LeRainDrop*

      When artifacts are enclosed behind glass, does the museum ever fill that container with a particular balance of gases?

      1. MuseumChick*

        Nope. The most important thing is keep the temperature consistent as fluctuations will harm objects over time.

    2. Reba*

      What database does your institution use? I only have direct experience with one, and it was rather less than awesome.

      Currently I’m affiliated with a place that is (as my colleague says) a Blanche DuBois institution–they depend on the kindness of strangers! The lack of acquisition budget is a bit surprising since this is a large museum and one of the most-visited in the country! Anyway are there helpful guidelines about managing the collection and thinking about its future direction at such a place? Or does every institution have to kind of figure it out for themselves?

      2. MuseumChick*

        I would start with the book: Managing Previously Unmanaged Collections, the Museum Registration Manual 5.0 and sign up for the museum listserv if you haven’t already. There is also a website called connecting to collections that is really helpful.

      3. Displaced Midwesterner*

        Hope no one minds if I chime in, as another museum person. I’ve only worked in and around art museums, where The Museum System (TMS) is the most commonly used database, in my experience. (I’ve actually never encountered Past Perfect, and I’m in my fifth museum.) My own institution uses a different program (Mimsy XG), which is fine, but the interface is a little more dated. I’ve also seen smaller institutionsuse FileMaker Pro, but building and maintaining a database that way when there are specialized programs available always seemed like a massive waste of staff time to me.

        1. MuseumChick*

          I think Past Perfect is more common in history museums, or at least that has been my experience. I’ve never worked with the TMS but know of it. Do you like it? I’m curious for an inside perspective.

          1. Displaced Midwesterner*

            I really miss TMS now that I’m working with Mimsy XG, but it’s a little hard for me to untangle my preference for TMS from 1) the manuals and support that my last institution had in place and 2) some of the advantages that it has due to the size of its user base/support staff, compared to a program like Mimsy XG, since so many job postings ask for experience with TMS instead of other systems.

            One thing that I really loved, since I work on material that’s not from Europe or North America, is that I could use Unicode in lots of places in TMS to capture names, inscriptions, etc. TMS seemed to export things to the web a little more seamlessly, too. But I’m not positive how much of my fondness is due to the sleek interface (the version of Mimsy XG that I’m using now won’t allow me to drag and drop information or right-click to copy and paste information, which drives me nuts) or what TMS itself can support, and how much is due to the amazing work that people in technology or collections management did to set it up for the rest of us.

    3. Annie Moose*

      This is a massive question, I’m aware, but how do you decide what goes on display? My understanding is that museums can have quite enormous collections that aren’t on display, so how do you determine if something is “worthy” or not?

      Of course it’d be easy with famous things (naturally the British Museum is going to put the Rosetta Stone on display!), but with smaller, less “important”, “domestic” stuff, what criteria do you use?

      1. MuseumChick*

        Great question! Yes, typically a museum will have 1 – 2% of their collection on display at any given time.

        Really, the criteria comes down to ideas for exhibits. But there are a number of very important questions museums have to ask, not the least of which is: Is this object safe to put on display? The most common way museum objects are damaged are through handling. Then you have the elements, such as sun light. No object should be permanently on display. Things like the Mona Lisa for example, that the public expects to see are very expensive to keep on display. The Mona Lisa is kept behind bullet proof, UV protect, temperature and humidity controlled glass.

      2. MuseumChick*

        I swear I wrote out an answer to tho this! Looks like it got eaten, lol.

        Silver lining, this gave me more time to think about my answer. You’re question is excellent on. Museums typically have between 1 – 2% of their collection on display at any given time. The decision about what is “worthy” is a great topic of discussion int he field. For some background, in the 1960s – 70s there was a movement in the field called “The New Social History” very basically it was the idea that history is more than old, rich, white, dead men. It’s also imporant to note that most museum professionals understand/agree that it is impossible to be neutral/not political. Every time a museum decided to same this object instead of that object or display this instead of that, it is an inherently political act.

        That being said, choosing what to put on display often just comes down to your ideas for exhibits! But there are a number of questions that the museum has to ask. The one I deal with most is: Is this object safe to put on display? That is, will it be harmed by being on display? The elements such as sun light and human error will damage objects. That is why no object should be on display permanently. The rare exceptions on pieces like the Mona Lisa. It is kept behind bullet proof, climate controlled glass that is constantly monitored.

        And again, a lot of this comes down to the mission of the museum. What is appropriate to display in one museum is not appropriate of another.

        1. Annie Moose*

          Thanks for the insight! Something I hadn’t realized is the idea of not keeping objects on permanent display–never really thought of that aspect before.

    4. SophieChotek*

      Will museums take “anything”? Or will the take things and secretly throw them away (without telling the donor)? Or are they obligated to store things indefinitely once they have them? I remember a few museums lately have sold portions of their collections to raise money. (A Japanese museum did late last year and raised millions; a US museum got a lot of bad press recently for same thing.)

      1. Reba*

        I love the image of curators furtively stuffing things in the dumpster by night…

        Deaccessioning (as it’s called) can be controversial, but it is something museums have to do. We know that artworks can be converted into money, but we also believe they have a value beyond money and so the money bit is uncomfortable! The ethics guidelines American museums are sorta bound by balance that by saying the sale of collections must be used for future acquisitions or the direct care of collections.

        Some objects are also restricted by the terms of a gift (a private collector might donate something with the condition that it always be displayed, for example). It also really depends on the value/fame of the stuff, I think–no paper is going to write about the deaccessioning of some obscure things that are never exhibited, but when places go to offload Norman Rockwells people will notice.

        An interesting case where this came to the fore a few years ago was in Detroit, when the city was in financial management and the managers considered selling off the museum’s excellent collection to raise city operating funds. That got a big old Nope.

        Hoping MuseumChick will be able to speak from more experience on this question!

      2. MuseumChick*

        My answer is going to be the “best practices” answer so YMMV from museum to museum.

        1) Museums will only take things that 1) Meet their mission 2) They can care for 3) They don’t already have examples of in their collection.

        2) When removing objects form the collection it goes through what is a called a deaccession process. A collections committee consisting of 3 -7 people will look over the objects and determine they they will be deaccession. The criteria for removing objects includes: Not meeting the mission, in such bad condition it cannot be cared for, and better examples are in the collection.

        3) If an object is deaccessioned the museum will first try to find another museum to take it. If they cannot they can sell it, if they cannot sell it they can throw it away.

        The selling stuff to keep a museum open issue is HUGE in the field. According to best practices when objects are sold (after the whole process I layed out above) the money can only be used for collections care.

      3. Overeducated*

        Most museums have a collections policy that defines their scope. They will generally not take anything outside that scope. They also tend to avoid things they dont get full legal rights to (nobody likes gifts with strings) or things with dubious documentation indicating potentially illegal origins (e.g. look up the Hobby Lobby antiquities case). Ideally they should also refuse donations they lack the expertise or facilities to care for but that’s more an ethics issue.

        The way I was taught about deaccessioning was that there has to be a strict wall between collections and operating funds/endowment. It is widely considered unethical in the US to deaccession objects to raise money for anything other than collections. I am curious whether there are different codes of ethics in other countries, and wonder if Museum Chick knows!

        1. MuseumChick*

          Excellent answer that touches on a lot of the finer points of deaccession. Generally, “best practices” pretty stable across most countries. The full legal rights issues has gotten a number of museums in some hot water over time. That’s why so many are so strict about it now. But smaller museums where its mostly volunteer run and people are not really trained for these things, it still happens a lot. Someone’s best friend’s sister has an awesome collection of X and Y! They put it on “permeate loan”(DANGER DANGER DANGER) it because the primary display until 10 years later then the lender gets mad at the museum for some reason and takes everything back.

      4. Anna*

        reminds me of my hometown’s natural history museum. A some points, there were locked doors behind which they have storage and do active research, but you could peek through windows here and there. We saw this large storage room, just filled with sooo many stuffed crocodiles and preserved ostrich skeletons (how many of the same thing can you really use in an exhibit?). I was wondering too how they will get rid of them.

        1. MuseumChick*

          Really what they need to do (and this all takes a lot of time) is determine how much they have of each objects, is it 10 studded crocodiles and 17 ostrich skeletons? Then, does this fit the mission? If not, they should get rid of all of them. If it does fit the mission, they should pick the three best example to keep. Adter the deaccession processed laied out above, they should contact museums that may be able to take them. If they are unable to find anyone to take them then they can sell them.

    5. Earthwalker*

      Art or natural history? If art, can you help me figure out what to do with 19th century shellacked paper posters glued to silk-covered wood frames? The silk is deteriorating so they’re about to fall off the wood frames, and the shellac is yellowing. It’s a lovely set of botanical prints from a seed seller in France. I should be doing something to save them but I don’t know what.

      1. Reba*

        If they are shellac, alcohol will remove it. *IF* they are just shellac, and *IF* the prints below wouldn’t also dissolve, neither of which you know for sure.

        If it were me, I wouldn’t take them to a conservator since they are not highly valuable. I’d just cut off the excess silk (leaving it where adhered to the print) and reframe under UV protective glazing, acid free mat and all that — that will help stop the discoloration.

        They sound lovely!

      2. MuseumChick*

        Oh boy, you probably won’t like my answer. It sounds like it needs a professional conservator to look at it.

        1. Earthwalker*

          I was afraid of that. Out here in the middle of nowhere that’s a tall order, but maybe I can take them to a city when I go. Meanwhile, I like Reba’s suggestion of how to give them at least some protection. Thank you both!

    6. As Close As Breakfast*

      Are records of who donated items kept? Or kept for a long time? My great-grandmother donated some items to a large and still existing museum sometime back in the 40s or 50s. (Side note – She was a pretty badass lady. She was a public health nurse in the 1910s and 20s. For several years she worked out in the Dakotas where she would go out alone on horseback with nothing but supplies and a gun, to provide medical services to the isolated native populations.) She was given several Native American artifacts and gifts from the populations she served as a nurse. Family lore had it that she had donated them, but no one knew to what museum! I finally found a newspaper article that mentioned the donation and where it was made. I’ve been wanting to contact them to see if I could find out more, maybe even see pictures of the items, but I’ve been kind of nervous to do it. Is this something that would be totally out of line? Who would I contact? Would the information even still exist? Any advise?

      1. MuseumChick*

        This is a yes and no answer. (Real quick side note, your GGM does should super badass!) Today, records are kept forever if you have someone who knows what they are doing running the show. But it is surprisingly common for even larger places to have, or had, people who were not really trained to manage a collection in charge. This of course leads to records being lost. There is a great example of a rare Egyptian artifact being uses as a BIKE RACK by a museum because they didn’t know what it was until an visit scholar lost their mind at seeing it. Digging back through the records all they were able to find as a receipt that read something like “Donated by Mr. Smith” and an address.

        I would call them and see! Just be really nice and and say something like “We have been trying to find the museum my GGM, (Name) donated a bunch of (artifacts) to in the 1940s – 50s. Would you be able to check your records? I know it being so long ago its a long shot!” Also, if the records are digitized they may not have the staff to dig through them. Just be very understanding and polite. Most museum professionals love doing stuff like that but often don’t have the time.

        Also, to answer a question you didn’t ask….if they do have your GGM stuff…if you want to see it please contact them over a month in advanced and don’t be offended if they can’t find it. Even when museums are well managed objects go missing, often just misplaced/their location not correctly recorded VERY rarely stolen by a disgruntled staff member/volunteer.

      2. MuseumChick*

        As for who to contact, first check the museum website. They have list a contact for questions related to the collection. They they don’t just call the main phone number and explain what you are looking for. They will probably director to someone with the title of Curator or Collections Manager or Registrar.

        You may want to also make it clear that you are not looking to ask for the objects back, you just want to know what museum they are in. It’s rare but sometimes the decedents of people think they can just call up a museum and get their ancestors stuff back.

        Depending on what Native artifacts she donated some may have been given back to the tribe (There is a law about this called NAGPRA, I don’t work with a lot of Native artifacts so I can’t speak to the specifics but wanted to mention it). And, if the mission of the museum has changed in the years since she donated stuff it may have been deaccessioned. But I think its still worth calling! Just know there are a lot of factors at play here.

        1. As Close As Breakfast*

          Thank you so much MuseumChick! You’ve given me the motivation to finally reach out! I don’t know why I’ve hesitated, I guess I was just worried I’d be totally out of left field in asking? Like, there’s no obvious ‘Click here to find out about items your ancestors donated decades ago!!’ on the website so I feared I’d be out of line in asking. Thank you for the directions and knowledge (including the anecdote about the Egyptian artifact being used as a bike rack! Headdesk!), it helps me know what to ask, who to ask, and what the outcomes may be. Knowledge is power!! And I’ll also make sure to make VERY CLEAR I’m just looking for information and not trying to get the items back! That’s such a ludicrous thing, it never would have even occurred to me to make it clear that’s not what I’m after! Wow, people constantly amaze, right? Best case senerio, I just want to know what they were, maybe see a picture if possible. The museum is on the opposite coast of the US from where I live, so even it they still had the items and they were on display or something, I may never actually get to see them in person! I just want some interesting info to add to the family tree!

          1. MuseumChick*

            I’m so happy! It’s really rare but I’ve had it happen a handful of time when people call up wanting something back. It’s just so awkward! Museums can be really intimidating to people in the man-behind-the-curtain kind of way. Unless you work in one, no one really knows what goes on behind the scenes at a museum. So I can understand why you have hesitated. There are of course exceptions to the “give stuff back” thing. A museum in Austria got into a PR nightmare a few years ago. Let me put it this way, you never want the news story about your museum to be “Museum Refuse to Return Painting to Holocaust Survivor” (The painting was Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I by Klimt. Her neice had escaped Austria during the war, the Nazi’s stole the painting and placed it in an Austrian museum. Really interesting story, the woman eventually got her family’s painting back!)

            You honestly sound like someone museums like to work with. You are not overstepping at all!

    7. saffytaffy*

      Hi MuseumChick. I work in a medical library and this wonderful opportunity to manage a historical collection just happened to fall in my lap about a year ago. I’ve been working blind since then, because I have no experience in archiving and no one to consult with. I’m glad to see I haven’t done anything too egregious so far. :) Your advice here is so appreciated. Thank you very much.

      1. MuseumChick*

        How cool! Honestly, the best thing you can do in start reaching out to the community. Archive and museums are like second cousins, related, but different. Museum-L (museum Listserv) is a great resource to ask questions, people in the community are generally really happy to help and offer advice. Look into joining professional archivist FB groups. I would also get a copy of the MRM5 (Museum Registrar Manual 5) its more broad but there is some excellent information in there.

        A few crash-course points: Don’t wear gloves when handling paper documents. I know, I know people always were gloves on TV. But in reality it depends on the material you are handling. Gloves can snag on paper and reduce your dexterity increasing the chance of damage. So no gloves.

        Second, budget for archival boxes. They are expensive. Gaylord Archival where everyone get’s their collection care material.

        Third, very important, be consistent in how your catalog material. Don’t label something a “document” that is way too broad. If you have a collections management software such as Past Perfect that I mentioned above it comes with a lexicon. Keep your descriptions of material consistent as well.

        Fourth, location, location, location. If nothing else keep good records of where everything is located. If you don’t have time to write a good description you can always come back to it later but you have to be able to find it. Keep the locations easy to understand but specific Building:Room:Shelving Unit #: Self #: Container

        Fifth, coming from a museum background I would number everything. But I’m not an archivist so I actually don’t know if that is something they do! Generally, the object ID number should be formatted as Year.Accession.Object. So, 2018.1.1 is the first object of the first accession that entered into the collection in 2018. If you have something that is in multiple parts, lets say a cover has come off a book, you would mark the main part of the object as 2018.1.1a and the secondary part of 2018.1.1b

        If you do mark the material in your archive do not use a pen. Any marking should be permeant but also reversible.

        I hope this helps!

  19. Communications Guru*

    I am a senior director of PR/ communications, ask me anything about communicating to your internal audiences, boss or important constituents.

    1. DC*

      As a comms director, what do you look for when hiring? I’m about to have a Master’s in Comms, but don’t want to instantly leave the events job I like. What are things I should try and add in the next chunk of time so I can be considered for comms jobs in the future?

      1. Curious Cat*

        I have a follow-up Q for you DC: I’m also in comms/PR. I’m a recent grad with a BA, but I’ve always been told by mentors that I don’t need to get a Master’s in this field. Since you’re finishing up one, what made you decide to get a Master’s and do you think it will help your career? (I don’t want to return to school now, but would consider it 5 years down the road if a Master’s could help)

        1. DC*

          Sure! So my BA was in IR/PoliSci, and I ended up NOT using it at all, but in a job where I got to pitch in on events/comms, and realized I LOVED it but didn’t know enough. So when an events job opened at a university, it gave me the chance to do work I liked when gaining comms experience, and they paid for my Master’s. I went back to school to actually learn all the things I didn’t know because I had never studied it before.

          Could I have just gotten an entry-level job and learned? Probably. But I feel really confident in the foundation of my knowledge now, so that was a huge help. Plus, my school was big on hands-on courses, so I walked out with skills and a portfolio I wouldn’t have gotten in the same time frame in a job.

          1. Curious Cat*

            Ah, understood! Thanks for explaining more. If I went back to school it would probably be for public health (I work in health comm), so it’s nice to hear that you found a great base in getting a Master’s and you were able to just tune and develop your skills in comm. Thanks!

            1. DC*

              Anytime! I’d use the Master’s to demonstrate a desire to shift into a field, using it to pivot to something new, if that makes sense.

        2. H.C.*

          I’m also a PR person who got a PR master’s; for me, it was useful since I was pivoting my career from journalism (which was showing signs of tanking in the early-aughts) right after I finished my undergrad. Also, I got in a reputable program with lots of career & mentorship support, so it opened a good amount of doors for opportunities even when I was doing the grad program fulltime.

      2. Communications Guru*

        DC – a deep understanding of strategic planning and an ability to relate your objectives to the business objectives. This is KEY to building respect with the C-suite and avoiding the “fluffy” reputation of PR/communications that it sometimes has. Your writing must be spectacular and you need a solid knowledge of AP style. Being able to pitch stories to journalists is a huge plus!

        1. DC*

          It’s reassuring to know that the buttloads of space my photographic memory used for AP style after reading the guide will likely come in handy some day. Thank you!!

    2. Super stressed*

      Similar question to DC! I’m currently in an IT project management/internal communications role. I’d really love to work for a digital communications-type agency. Am I out of my mind for thinking the skills I have in my current role would transfer well (I realize this may be difficult to answer without knowing the full details of my job)? What do you look for in candidate writing samples, besides the obvious good grammar?

      1. Communications Guru*

        Oohh… good question. It very well may transfer, but you need to prove it. Use measurables when you write your resume/cover letter. Digital comms is often about metrics and using data to reach your objectives. Good writing samples will include elements of creativity, a good voice, flow… when I look at writing samples I like to see more “formal” samples as well as informal/creative pieces.

    3. SophieChotek*

      How have you successfully made good relationships with national/international media?
      I’ve read that you should have things to offer media (even if they don’t need one’s product, etc.) i.e. a “white paper” with interesting facts, etc.
      My company only creates expensive chocolate tea pots…we don’t write white papers or do surveys, etc. My company wants me to get great PR for them to get more visibility with potential customers…(but doesn’t want to pay for ads in magazines, etc.)

      1. LDP*

        I spent the early part of my career in PR and had to do A LOT of pitching, and there’s a few things I learned (some of them the hard way!). First, reporters have very little time, so it’s best to get right to the point. It also helps if you can find a reporter at a publication who would be interested in your product. For example, if there’s a reporter at a local paper who covers chocolate tea pots, pitch to them. Is there anything you could give them that would give them the “edge” on the story, like a tour of the chocolate tea pot factory, or an interview with someone higher up in the company who normally wouldn’t talk to the press? Maybe look up some of the silly holidays surrounding chocolate tea pots and try pitching near those. The best thing I’ve learned is that you just have to keep pitching your company and building a relationship with a reporter. It also never hurts if you can write your own press release to distribute when you have a new chocolate tea pot launching or when you’re having an event that you think could be interesting. This is all just my two cents from my four years in PR, maybe others with more experience could chime in here as well!

      2. Communications Guru*

        National and international media is hard. Period. I often connect via Twitter and make sure you do your research and read the things this journalist has written in the past! Do your homework. It also helps to offer “exclusives” – interviews that you aren’t offering anyone else, or first dibs on embargoed material, etc. Sometimes you can hook them if you can relate your tea pot to a current event or something related to their publication or beat.

      3. Catty Hack*

        Speaking as a journalist, I would reiterate the advice on learning roughly what people write about but would add it’s worth trying to get as large a sample as possible rather than going “Hey, catty covered chocolate teapots once. I’ll mail her 1,000 times because she’s clearly interested”. A bugbear of mine is the number of emails I have to reply to/clear out my inbox (delete based on workload) because I covered a chocolate teapot story because it was a slow day and I had nothing better/the reporter who usually covers chocolate teapots was out etc. I probably wouldn’t frown at a PR who emailed me once but please don’t be one of the ones who emails 24 times, calls another 10 times and then acts shocked when I say thanks but no thanks because they really liked that one article I wrote that one time.

        The exclusives is a good one as well. Some publications couldn’t care less for them but most would snap your hand off if you say you have an exclusive for them. But please make sure it is a true exclusive and not an exclusive with a catch – for example, I’ve had people tell me I’ve got an exclusive on something, only to find out a competitor was given a similar-but-with-a-very-small-tweak piece. Sure, it may get one piece published, but I’m unlikely to come back to you again.

        The other thing I would add is that it’s almost certainly worth getting to know what the press cycle is like on a publication. As a general rule, the closer you get to the print deadline, the ‘bigger’ the story needs to be. If you call me early in the morning/near the start of a press cycle while I’m still busy putting my pitch list together, I’m much more likely to be open to hearing a pitch and will be much chattier and able to talk. If you call me later, you’ll be pulling me away from something else and I’ll be behaving accordingly. If you call me right on top of deadline, you better believe you have better have something worth stopping press for or I’m hanging up!! Ditto applies to ‘slow periods’ and culturally significant events – on my patch, stories tend to dry up over the summer and I’m always thankful to a PR who can lend a hand with a juicy exclusive during these periods. However, if you call me in the middle of that speech/event that everybody is trying to cover, I’ll be hanging up asap andd writing you off as having no news sense whatsoever.

    4. Shishimai*

      I need to learn to better turn “hey interesting presentation!” into “hey, I can DO that.” I’m happy to learn on my own, and am actually studying rhetoric at the moment in attempt to raise my persuasion game. Is there anything else I can do to up my game?

      I strongly suspect there’s other influences at play here: we’re all very busy, and I’m a specialist trying to get the (excellent, skilled, very busy) generalists in my department to pick up some of my specialized area, because one Teapot Integrity Specialist cannot cover meaningfully 30 different Teapot Development Teams.

    5. H.C.*

      Also in PR here too (in a senior specialist, occasional team/project lead role); how and when did you figure out that you wanted to go into the management side, what were the pros (asides from better pay, of course) and cons of that shift?

  20. Photographer*

    Full-time photographer here! Mostly weddings, some family, with the occasional foray into commercial. Happy to answer any questions or help you improve your cell phone pic game!

    1. polkadotteacup*

      hey! my recently-minted fiance and I are going on vacation next week to a tropical beachy destination and we were thinking of trying to take our own engagement photos while there. He has an older DSLR and knows his ways around its settings. Any tips on how to maximize our chance of success? We have a tripod and remote clicker thing to take pictures, but our gameplan was just to take a zillion pictures and hope that some turn out nice. :P

      1. Photographer*

        Congratulations! A tripod is definitely going to be your friend when taking your own engagement photos. Between that and my husband’s long arms, that’s the only way we get photos of ourselves.

        I think maximizing your success depends on how you want to use the photos. Are they for your Save the Dates? Or just to have some fun photos of the two of you together? If the former, don’t forget to frame the image so that you have a place to put your text. And get a variety, so you have a bunch to choose from. Go horizontal with space on the left, space on the right; vertical with space at the top, space at the bottom.

        I’d also encourage you to try something a little bit different. Maybe expose for the sky at sunset and face each other to get a great silhouette. If you can get palm trees in there, too, those make for some nice silhouettes to add something more interesting to the photo. Or try framing the image close. Or maybe frame it so that you’re a small part of a larger landscape photo, walking along the beach.

        Finally, a lot of what’s going to make your photo when doing this on your own is your posing. Practice it. It’ll feel awkward, for sure, but it will definitely help them look more natural and interesting than just standing on the beach looking into the camera. Incorporate movement. Have him twirl you around, dip you (if you trust him!). When we do our Christmas card, we set the camera to go off at intervals and then just do a bunch of different movements. Looking at each other, looking off to camera right, kiss on the cheek, kiss on the forehead, changing hand placement. It’s all about tiny little movements and changes in position. But have fun with it and embrace the awkwardness. If you get laughing about how weird you feel, you’ll be rewarded with some photos that include genuine smiles and laughter.

        And, of course, I would be doing my brethren a disservice if I didn’t strongly suggest hiring a professional for the actual wedding. We hear that as the biggest regret from couples we photograph who are getting married for a second time. Those photos really do mean a lot!

    2. LizLee*

      Since I switched to a DSLR, my photos tend to be crooked. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not used to/not able to handle the extra weight of the camera (it’s a Nikon D3500, not that heavy, but I’m puny), or due to the lack of gridlines on the view screen. Any suggestions for how to adjust for that?

      1. sam*

        I can answer this one – check the settings to see if there’s a view option that will show you an internal level. If there isn’t, you can buy one that can be attached to the flash foot. I’m not a professional photographer, but a fairly serious amateur, and crooked photos are one of my biggest issues too – *I’m* basically crooked, so I think I’m standing straight, and…I’m not (this also drives my pilates trainer batty).

        There should also be an option to let you change the view so you can see gridlines too – I would definitely also recommend downloading the full manual for your camera and paging through that (I keep mine on my ipad) – I used to use a Nikon D80, and I can’t imagine that they’ve eliminated gridlines as an option.

        (I switched to mirrorless about two years ago precisely because I was looking to upgrade but couldn’t deal with the weight/size of the newer DSLRs – I want something that I can carry in my bag, at least from time to time, not something I need to hire chiropractor to adjust my back for!)

      2. Photographer*

        Ha! I’m not sure if I can help out with this because a lot of my photos have a tendency to be crooked, too. I typically fix them in Photoshop. Since most of what I do is documentary, you either get the shot or you don’t, so I don’t worry so much about making sure the horizon is perfectly straight. That said, tilted horizon photos for “creativity” is lazy, in my opinion, so I definitely prefer them to be straight before we deliver to a client.

        Sam’s suggestion of looking into the menu to see if you can turn on gridlines or getting a level is also good!

        Another option: When I’m taking photos, I make sure I’m stabilizing myself, essentially turning my body into a monopod. Maybe this could help? I tuck my elbows into and against my ribcage and usually stand with my feet slightly apart.

    3. Augusta Sugarbean*

      Any suggestions on selling photos generally? I wouldn’t count on making any kind of serious money but I’m a decent photographer and we’ve traveled a bit so I have built up a library of pretty decent photos. They are purely decorative – landscapes, flowers, castles, monuments, etc. I know the market is saturated but I figure why not put some up for sale online and if I make a few extra bucks, why not?

      Is there a website you’d recommend? Etsy? A stock photo seller? Something else? I’ve been getting stuff printed for myself via Costco (surprisingly good photos and affordable) so I can print and mail or sell digital versions. I have a mat cutter and can sell them matted but I don’t think selling framed photos is something I want to do. Thank you!

      1. DC*

        Not a fulltime photo-pro, but I was in a similar place to you awhile ago. I put some stuff up on Shutterstock, and it does okay! Don’t expect to make a lot unless you REALLY pour time into it, you get out what you put in.

      2. Photographer*

        This is outside my expertise as my photos typically come with a built-in market that’s easy to sell to….family :)

        Costco is my consumer printer of choice. We use Zenfolio for our passive print sales. If you want to do a little work, Zenfolio lets you set up your own website and handles prints by integrating with a bunch of professional photo printers (better quality than Costco). Then people can order directly through your site. But you’d have to market it, so I’m not sure how much you want to put into it.

        Also, if this is something you decide to do, check out metal prints. They’re a great option for landscapes because they’re so vibrant. It’s like looking at a computer screen, but hanging on your wall. They’re light and easy to ship. They’re also easy to hang, especially for people who rent and don’t want to put holes in the walls (use 3M hooks).

      3. sam*

        Photographer already recommended zenfolio for passive prints, but if you already have your own website, there are some other services that will also let you just install a plugin and do most of the work for you – I use fotomoto on my personal site, it was pretty easy to set up, but I’m sure there are others out there as well. Of course, I’m using it for the one or two times a year someone wants to buy a print from me, and it’s easier than my old method of printing everything myself at my local photo lab (a method I still use for actual friends and family).

    4. paul*

      How much better is a macro lens than using extension tubes? I’ve got a set of tubes and while they’re great for still images (flowers, etc) they’re pretty hellacious to use for insects or fish or smaller reptiles. I’ve never actually had a macro lens though so I’m not sure if it’d be worth the expense…

      1. Photographer*

        I love my macro lens. I use it mostly for ring shots and my husband uses it for gem and mineral photography. The autofocus is super fast, so that might help you for subjects that wriggle around a lot. We like the manual focus for gems and minerals because shiny diamond surfaces can sometimes fool the autofocus, so if we put it on a tripod, we can make sure we’re focused on the right part of the gem before taking the photo.

        But I also use it for other non-macro type photos. Kids are a great example. Since they run around so fast, I’ll sometimes us it to capture the photo in focus before they’ve moved out of the shot.

        1. paul*

          From what I’ve read–and I can’t pretend to understand the details–the extender tubes mean it takes longer for it to gather enough light to make a non blurry picture? I think? And when I’m trying to get a shot of something that’s moving a bit hard. They also require me to get *really* close, closer than I’m always able to safely get (I’d rather not get in striking range of a baby rattlesnake, or touch a scorpion, tyvm). I wasn’t sure if a macro lens would help get around tthat?

    5. Just Jess*

      I’m in a high COL city. What’s a good price if I wanted 5 to 10 good/great professional and dating profile pics? The pics don’t have to be perfect and I’m happy to travel and put in time to make things easy for the photographer.

      1. Photographer*

        Hm, this varies so much, regardless of COL. Some people (like me) charge more because this is their sole income and because they put a ton of work into each shoot. Others are part-timers or hobbyists and can charge less. And you also have photographers who work on quantity (not my preference, I think the personalize experience is super important, but plenty of them deliver good or great images), so they can charge less. Then you have photographers who shoot and burn (no editing, cheaper), photographers who have you pick your favorites and then only edit those (low session fee, charge per photo edited), and photographers who provide you with a selection of files, all edited, with a personal use release (this is how we do it, the session fee is typically much higher than others). So make sure you get an idea of all the costs involved!

        Are you looking for something in a studio or on location? You could probably find a natural light photographer who could do a good job on location for just about any budget. If you want something that incorporates off-camera flash, that’s where you’ll start paying more for a significantly better product. It’s a lot easier to learn natural light photography than to figure out how to properly incorporate flash.

        Probably not much help, sorry!

        1. Just Jess*

          That’s actually a ton of help! Thank you so much for answering my question thoroughly as now I know more about the process and can make better informed decisions.

          I know that not everyone has my style of learning and research since some people just want an answer out of nowhere, but your response really works for me!

      1. Photographer*

        Well, first off, I shoot Nikon, so that’s what I’m familiar with. That said, both Nikon and Canon make great cameras. Some photographers get rabid about which is better. They’re both perfectly fine; it’s all about where you’ve invested your money, since the lenses aren’t interchangeable. If we were to switch to Canon at this point, we’d be spending tens of thousands of dollars to do so.

        That said, when I first started out and didn’t have a ton of money to invest, I used a D7100. The newest iteration of that level is the D7500, so that’s probably a really great place to start. It often comes packaged with an 18-300mm lens, which will give you lots of flexibility to play with wide angle and zoom shots. That said, I’d look into getting a fixed lens with a larger aperture (f/1.4 or 1.8). This lets you shoot better in low light without flash and gives you those lovely bokeh balls. Check out the Sigma lenses. I shoot with a 35, 50 and 80mm during a wedding. The 35 and 50 are what I use the most.

        1. sam*

          MegHan – don’t be fooled by Photographer’s kindness toward Canon – the Nikon/Canon wars are worse than the Mac vs. PC wars :)

          I *was* a Nikon partisan myself until I went mirrorless. Now I spend all of my time explaining (a) why I no longer use a DSLR and (b) why I bought an Olympus instead of a Sony/Fuji/Panasonic/[insert other mirrorless brands here].

    7. mskyle*

      OK, my wedding photos are now almost two months late (wedding the first weekend in November, supposed to be delivered within three months). When we’ve contacted the photographer she’s said, basically, “OMG I’ve been so busy, don’t worry they will totally be worth it!” Not so much as a teaser photo on Valentine’s Day.

      Do we have any leverage here? Is there anything you would recommend that we could do to convince her to get on with it? Obviously we’ve learned an important lesson about photographers with lots of great photos and not a lot of reviews…

      (And if by some chance you’re our photog, please step away from AskAManager and go edit our photos :P)

      1. Photographer*

        Oh no! I’m definitely not your photog; our turnaround is 2-3 weeks. I hate getting piled up with editing and I know how much people want to see their photos, so it’s in my best business interest to get them done as quickly as I can while maintaining quality.

        Was this written into the contract? If so, you can point back to that. But this is a tough one because this isn’t the kind of situation you want to bring the law into. Hurt feelings on all sides do not make for good memories and you don’t want to look back at your photos and just remember how much you hated the process.

        I’d try asking her for a new deadline – and a solid date, not a “oh, sometime in the next two weeks.” Mention that you’d really love to leave her a positive review, but being so behind on photo delivery makes that hard. Was the experience otherwise good (i.e. during the day-of and communication ahead of time)?

        Wedding photographers live on referrals, so that’s the biggest leverage you have (before small claims court) – whether or not you leave a good or bad review or sing their praises to people you know getting married soon.

        1. mskyle*

          Thanks! The three months timetable is in our contract, but like you say, realistically we’re not going to sue – that would feel a lot worse than getting the photos late! We booked her late in the season and not long before the wedding (like a month in advance) and we understood that that meant the photos would take a little longer to get than usual, but I thought that meant, you know, the three months that it said in the contract.

          We’ll definitely be asking her for a specific deadline next time we ask. She was great (unobtrusively so) during the day-of but dealing with her since has really left a bad taste in my mouth! She’s nice but flaky. Regardless, wedding season is starting back up soon and she’ll presumably have to get last season’s stuff done before she starts shooting more weddings. I hope!

    8. anon..*

      A wedding photographer?!! Oh, do I have questions for you!

      Fiance and I are trying to book a photographer for our upstate NY wedding, and there seems to be such incredible ranges of prices! The photographer whose work we liked the most would cost us nearly $7,000 for 8 hours (includes travel fee, second shooter, engagement shoot, bells and whistles, etc). That seems so incredibly high – especially given that another photographer we met with would cost about $4,000 with nearly all the same extra add-ons.

      So, my question is: with photography, is it one of those things where you get what you pay for? Is $7,000 on the high end or pretty reasonable for a good photographer? I also found someone who would do it for $1,500 but that seems questionably low – is it?

      Also, how much does “clicking” with the photographer matter? Like, do you think clicking with your clients’ personalities helps create better photos?

      1. Photographer*

        Oh, do I have answers for you!

        Yes, you are correct, there is a huge range of prices. Much of the variation has to do with what’s included, but also how good they are. Sometimes you’ll find that diamond in the rough who isn’t charging what they’re worth, but in general, you do get what you pay for. And if you find that diamond in the rough who isn’t charging what they’re worth, tip the hell out of them and send everyone you know to them.

        I’d say $7k is probably on the higher end. Is this person in upstate NY or coming from NYC (or do they regularly work in NYC)? New York (state and city) does tend to be a higher market for wedding photos in general. I’m in Colorado and here, the high end for that kind of package is probably more like $5500 (no album). Does the $7k package include an album? Those things are actually quite expensive to design and produce; most of our couples end up spending $1000-1500 on an album.

        Don’t rule out bringing someone in from out of state. We don’t charge travel fees for the lower 48, so sometimes we can be less expensive than locals.

        Another thing to consider is how they run their business. We’re more high touch and put a TON of work into each wedding and engagement, so we charge more than the average. We also limit our wedding schedule each year to 20 weddings so we don’t burn out and can really be present during the wedding day and tuned in during the planning. We’ve seen plenty of vendors who just show up and wonder what to do. We have a plan and know what to expect so that we don’t miss any of the important moments – or the quiet, but beautiful moments that a lot of photographers would miss.

        Clicking with the photographer matters A LOT. We’ve fired clients because we didn’t feel like we clicked on our end and no amount of money they’d pay us would make shooting the wedding worth it. You’re going to be with your photographer all day. You need to trust their artistic vision without being able to see what kind of photos they’re taking (there’s no instant gratification of seeing the photo right away, like there is with a cell phone). You want them to feel like they can tell you to straighten your posture or pull your arms away from your body so that your poses look the best. They want to have you back them up if a drunk groomsmen starts giving them crap.

        That said, it’s a range. We’ve made lifelong friends with some of our couples and others, we’ve never seen again. And everything in between. But you need to feel like the day of the wedding, your photographer has your back and you’re comfortable having theirs. More importantly, find a photographer whose work you like and let them do their thing. We love it when our couples say, “We don’t have any particular preferences for photos. We love what you do, just do that.” And then give us creative license.

        If photos are important to you, don’t hire the person who will do it for $1500.

        1. anon..*

          That is so incredibly helpful – thank you so much, Photographer!

          We’ve been looking primarily at photographers in the NYC area since that’s where we are. The $7k photographer includes a $500 credit towards various album packages – but the albums range from $500 – $3,000+! We really like her photos – and we got along fine with her when we met in person, but we clicked much better with the $4k photographer. So part of the issue is quality of pics ($7k) vs. clicking with photographer ($4k). (That said, $4k photographer had some issues following-up that gives us pause for moving forward with her at all.)

          We never would have thought to look out of state! I guess we assumed we’d have to pay for travel costs. We’ll definitely start searching now! Any recommendations? ;)

          Oh! And what’s the deal with watermarking pictures and not owning the rights to them? Fiance is utterly flabbergasted that we would only get 1 year of online access to the photos taken by $7k and that everything will be watermarked (whereas $4k says she sends all pictures to us not watermarked to do with as we like), but from what I hear that’s a very normal thing photographers do?

          1. Photographer*

            My pleasure! It’s definitely a tough process to go through and it’s a big chunk of change, for sure.

            The obvious caveat is that a lot of photographers will charge travel costs, but not all. Also, if you hire from a smaller market, it may come out to around the same or less even with travel costs included.

            Check out WPJA, ISPWP, and Fearless Photograpers. These photographers tend to love to travel and can list themselves in other geographic areas that they have been or want to go, so you might luck out and find someone who has your area on their bucket list. I’m trying to avoid shameless self-promotion, but our company is on all three of those sites, so maybe you’ll see our photos and fall in love and hire us and we can bond over our love of AAM… ;)

            Watermarking: any chance the $7k photographer has been in the biz a long time? That’s more of an old-school way of doing it. I find it much more common nowadays for wedding photographers to deliver a large selection of photos (typically about 600-800 for a full day), high res, un-watermarked, and edited. That’s how we do it and that’s mainly how it’s done in our area (Colorado….although we are a much more laid back state than most others – see legalized weed). So I guess it could be a location thing. Personally, I want our couples to love their photos, print them and use them….and gush all about them to others who might be getting married!

          2. DDJ*

            I’m going to offer the following disclaimer: we were really concerned about the budget for our wedding, so price was one of the determining factors for us.

            One of the difficult things when we were looking for a wedding photographer was getting the “rights” to the photos. Some photographers didn’t offer them at all, as you’ve discovered. The photographer we ended up going with gave us all our photos and full rights. We were also looking at the style and the overall “feel” of the photos – we didn’t want anything too stuffy.

            Here is an important question for you to ask, that I REALLY wish I would have known to ask: in case of emergency/illness, what’s the photographer’s plan? Because 2 days before my wedding, the photographer let us know that he had a family emergency and was “trying to figure something out,” and would let us know what he came up with. The day before the wedding, he said he was sending his friend, also a photographer. It was incredibly stressful.

            We were fortunate in that the friend ended up being great. We got along really well with him.

            Ooh! The other thing I’d recommend is talking to prospective photographers about candid shots, if you want them. You’ll probably get a decent idea about that when you’re looking at portfolios as well. My absolute, 100% favourite photos from my wedding aren’t the “staged” ones. They may not be the most flattering photos, but they’re the ones that make me remember the best moments from that day. The shots that were taken in between the posed shots…that’s where a lot of the magic ended up. One of my siblings making a ridiculous face while the rest of us laughed, my husband and his friend goofing off and doing the “I feel like I’m flying” from Titanic, my bridesmaid and I high-fiving about something silly.

            Family photos and bridal party photos are great, but for me, they’re not the ones I keep going back to.

    9. Rainy*

      Oh, I have a question about wedding photographers–if someone says they do “primary editing”, what does that actually mean? Are they just picking the best shots but not doing any color balance/whatever else has to be done? Or is it editing but not retouching?

      1. Photographer*

        Well, as much as I’d like there to be, there’s no governing body of photographers. So people get to make up their own terms for whatever they want. Unfortunately.

        If I were to use that term, I’d probably use it for the editing that all our photos go through. Color correction, exposure, contrast, sharpening. Basically anything we do in CameraRAW without actually opening Photoshop. That includes small touchups, taking out zits, removing trash on the grass, etc. It doesn’t mean taking off braces, removing telephone poles, etc. That said, we do a more thorough job on our “primary” edits than a lot of photographers. Some just run presets and call it good; we look at every photo.

        If this is in reference to an actual photographer you’re thinking of hiring, always ask! Like Alison always says, if they make you feel bad for asking or don’t answer, that’s a red flag. You can also ask to see before and afters. Again, if they refuse to show you, that’s a red flag.

        1. Rainy*

          I’m definitely going to ask, I just figured I’d seize the opportunity to see if what I was thinking was in line with what someone else might think, which it sounds like it is. :)

          Photographers are so expensive–we live in a destination wedding state which makes everything even more expensive than it would be otherwise, so I’m trying to make sure I’m not paying more than I can afford while still getting a photographer who is charging enough that she can actually produce what she promises.

          1. Photographer*

            That is, indeed, a fine line to walk. My sympathies are with you. Ask lots of questions. If someone bristles at that, you don’t want them as your photographer. Good luck!

      1. Photographer*

        I like my Sigma 50mm 1.4 Art. I typically shoot f/1.4-2.8 at most. Sharp focus on the eyes. The shallow depth of field helps smooth out the skin (minimizing time spent in Photoshop) and makes the background nice and blurry.

        1. Photographer*

          Sorry, just realized I want to clarify my answer. The Sigma 50mm is my favorite for headshot-type portraits. When it comes to weddings, we use all our lenses because we try to make something completely different than most of the wedding photos you see out there. We’ve used everything from a 14mm to our 200mm zoom (we get really close AND really far!). But during the couple’s portrait session, the 24-70mm gets used most often.

    11. she was a fast machine*

      Two questions for you! I really want to get a DSLR but I’ve also heard amazing things about mirrorless; is your experience limited to mostly DSLR? I saw your reccomendation below about DSLR but I wasn’t sure if you were familiar with the other option.

      Second questions; my husband and I eloped and got married recently. One day down the road we want to have a reception/renewal ceremony kind of thing, do you do a lot of those? How does the photography aspect of it differ from a regular wedding?

      1. AVP - Filmmaker*

        I’m by no means an expert but have a DSLR and a mirrorless. (Canon 7D; Fuji XT2). We use both for productions that I work on in various ways. I think the XT2 is more fun for traveling and walking around as it’s light and takes up a smaller amount of space in my bag. The photo quality is good and it’s fun to play with. It is a harder camera to learn though – the set-up is very different from most DSLRs and point-and-shoots. My bf almost dropped it in frustration the first time he tried to use it because it’s not very user friendly for a beginner.

        The Canon is heavier and more cumbersome and the lenses are expensive but man the pictures cannot be beat (except by higher-end models in the same line, and film!)

        I would definitely check B&H’s used site before buying anything though – I got basically a $500 discount on a brand new camera that they’d used for it’s box display earlier this year, and they had a bunch in stock.

        1. she was a fast machine*

          I love B&H, they’re a godsend! I’m glad you brought up the learning curve for a mirrorless; I hadn’t ever heard that and it’s a bit of a turnoff. I already do know quite a bit about DSLR and I’m not too keen to learn a whole new system just for a camera that probably won’t be versatile enough for what I’m wanting.

      2. Photographer*

        Yeah, we just use DSLRs. We haven’t waded into the mirrorless world quite yet. We’re not usually early adopters. What we do is so high pressure that we want to make sure our stuff has been through the ringer. Maybe next off-season, we’ll start experimenting, but with weddings looming, I want what I’m comfortable with! AVP’s advice sounds spot on to me, based on what I’ve heard from others, though.

        We don’t do a lot of renewals, but we have done some. They’re usually just very pared down versions of a wedding, but we approach them with the same amount of prep work. I think the main difference is how much time we spend there. You might not want the “getting ready” photos that a lot of couples like to have at their weddings. Then again, you may indeed want them. I love the getting ready time because I get to capture a lot of really genuine emotion that goes on behind-the-scenes when you’re with all your special people. The ceremony and reception part would probably be much the same as a regular wedding. And, of course, portraits, if you want it.

        But in general, we like to approach things less like “This is a wedding,” and “This is an elopement,” and more like, “This is a day that you want captured with all the crazy and beautiful and imperfect things that happen.” Really, just decide what you want photographed and find someone whose style and price you like who’s willing to do what you want. There’s a photographer out there for everyone.

        Also, kudos for eloping! By the time I do my timeline consultation with couples 1-2 months out, most of them ask if it’s too late to elope. The wedding industrial complex is a crazy thing that causes normal people to lose their minds. It’d be an entire post to talk about the psychological theories I’ve developed doing this for 10+ years!

        1. she was a fast machine*

          Thank you so much for the insight! I love that approach to it; it’s just a beautiful day that you want to remember, regardless of what the occasion is. And I know I’ll be one of those brides who wants everything recorded, especially if I’m not the one who has to be behind the camera!

          I would love to hear any amount of tidbits you have to share! Honestly, I think the whole thing is fascinating. When we got engaged, the talk was non-stop about wedding planning for the first few months, despite us being perfectly clear that it would be a long engagement and we were determined to save up for our dream wedding, however long that would take. I got used to it eventually, and random questions from strangers, but eventually it was just easier for us financially to do the deed and deal with the fun stuff later, and I don’t currently have any regrets about it, especially considering all I’ve heard about how the industry is 100% designed to wring you dry emotionally and financially.

    12. Anxa*

      If a couple wants to have a wedding photographer for a weekend wedding, but doesn’t want the “full package,” what’s the best way to go about it?

      I imagine the most photographers wouldn’t want to waste a Saturday on a half-day. But what if I couple couldn’t care less about “getting ready” pictures or “bridal party” pics?

      Do you think there are a good chunk of photographers that would welcome a shorter Saturday? Or is it really rude to even consider trying to get a smaller package?

  21. Lore*

    I vet and help train copy editors and proofreaders. There are so many judgment calls involved, always, that it’s hard to answer definitive questions about but happy to give it a shot.

    2. Megan*

      I would actually really like to get into doing this part time as a side gig, but I have no idea how to get started in offering my skills. Could you recommend some legit companies or services that may be able to use me? For money, of course.

      1. Whoa*

        Seconding this. I’ve got plenty of writing experience (3 years as an English and journalism major; wrote for the university newspaper; ended up with a degree in Comm/New Media Content Production) and would love to take on copy editing part time for some extra income.

        1. DC*

          Thirding this! I love copy-editing, and have done it for years, but have no idea how to break into this field.

          1. Lore*

            Writing is often not ideal prep for copyediting because the copy editor’s job is to elevate the author’s voice. Having said that, see my other answer. Taking a reputable class and getting a reference from the instructor helps. Having work samples/references even if they’re colleagues in related fields helps. Some places will let anyone who inquires take an editing test. I’d say about 80% of the people who’ve never done professional copyediting of any kind are scared off by or fail our test.

            1. Anion*

              Huh? I must be misunderstanding what you mean when you say “elevate the author’s voice?” The copy editor’s job is to fix grammar and occasionally offer re-wording suggestions for correctness and clarity. A copyeditor shouldn’t be *touching* my voice, and if one did I’d be raising a stink with my editor.

              Perhaps you’re talking about non-fiction/editorial copyediting? Because a fiction copyeditor who tried to change or alter an author’s voice would not be hired again.

              1. Anion*

                Ahh, okay, I see your comment below which clarifies. Sorry, I was genuinely unsure what you meant there.

    3. WordNerd*

      Copy editing is a career that interests me. If a person doesn’t have any copy editing experience, what characteristics do you screen for? What makes a person successful in the role? In your experience, are there many in-house roles or are they mostly freelance?

    4. lollyscrambler*

      Thanks Lore! How do you get a job as a copy editor or proofreader? What training do you need and how can you break in?

    5. Z*

      What does the field look like right now for someone who wants to be a full-time copy editor, and what does it pay?

      1. Lore*

        I would say it is a pretty crappy time to try to get a position as a full-time copy editor for a newspaper/magazine; they’re shedding staff like crazy. Successful web publications, maybe a little better–I have no idea how those pay, though. Most trade publishers don’t have in-house full-time copy editors (children’s publishing seems to more than adult), but if you were trying to freelance full-time, pay rates are generally $25-35 per hour, with the average 350-page ms taking something like 50 hours.

    6. Lore*

      To RG2: We get most of our freelancers in three ways: 1) people who worked full-time in publishing at one point and for whatever reason (relocation, raising kids, doing other things) don’t anymore but want to keep their hands in; 2) referrals from colleagues in other departments/publishers; 3) over-the-transom submissions, who get tested. With the current wave of consolidations/buyouts in journalism, we’re getting a lot of interest from former copy editors at newspapers/magazines, too.

      To Megan/WordNerd/Lollyscrambler: The first paid gig is the hardest. Taking a reputable class helps; most of the instructors are themselves production editors or copy chiefs and often refer top students for freelance work. You can also search places like LinkedIn for people with titles like production editor, managing editor, copy chief, and approach them directly. At my particular large publisher, we generally won’t hire someone who has no professional experience at all without some kind of referral or a personal connection. But, we do have pretty rigorous tests that we’ll give someone who comes recommended, or who has some but not a lot of experience, and take it from there. It can be easier to break in on the proofreading than the copy editing side, for two reasons. 1) Most books get copy edited once but proofread two or three times, so there’s more positions available, and 2) Since authors review copy editing directly, there are more politics/sensitivities involved. I do a bunch of freelance work for non-book clients though–things like annual reports for nonprofits, literary magazines, manuscripts directly for authors who want to self-publish–and most of that comes through word of mouth.

      For WordNerd: The most important quality for a copy editor in trade publishing is learning to assess tone and tell the difference between mistake and voice. I mean, you need to have a basic level of skills and a good eye/ear for language, but I can’t teach that. But learning how to approach a particular manuscript and communicate with the author in a way that respects their sensibilities and style but also fixes what’s genuinely wrong–that’s a lifelong project even for most professional copy editors. We have in-house production editors, who are all trained copy editors, but the actual work of copyediting our full-length manuscripts is 99 percent done by freelancers.

          1. Not So NewReader*

            I remember noticing a lot of transom windows in movies out of the 40s.
            Currently transom windows are considered a fire hazard here and code enforcement does not want anyone opening them for any reason at all. (Some of these windows used to open to let hot air out of the room. A fan and open transom window would allow for better air circulation but the person could keep their door closed or locked.
            Older buildings may still have transom windows but they are probably nailed or screwed shut to discourage the idea of using them.

    7. Melody*

      I am very interested in this as a side job. I am a high school English teacher, so anything involving writing is a plus. How do you get into this? I’ve had a profile on Upwork, but that has never really worked out.

    8. Becky*

      Different websites list different edit types with different descriptions so what’s the difference between these types of jobs:
      line edit, copy edit, proofread, substantive edit

      1. Lore*

        They’re all at different stages of a project. The first edit will be the substantive edit–your first draft, the first time an editor is reading it–and will focus on big-picture stuff: plot/characters/voice for fiction; comprehensibility/sequence of events/evidence etc for nonfiction. After a substantive edit, you might have multiple rounds of line editing: the book has taken its shape, and now you’re getting down to the levels of paragraphs and sentences. Copy editing is the final polish: a book has been deemed suitable for publication, and now someone is really going through it with a fine-tooth comb to make sure it’s internally consistent, that the various rounds of line editing haven’t accidentally messed up the timeline, that characters’ names don’t change midstream, that the notes and bibliography are complete and formatted consistently. That will be the last round of work on the manuscript. Proofreading is done after a book is typeset, so it’s the chance to read the whole, clean text (edited mss can get messy to work on and hard to follow after a while). You shouldn’t ideally be making major edits at this point, but you will be doing the last rounds of checking on consistency, style, accuracy–as well as making sure the typography has been done correctly.

    9. JoAnna*

      I’ve been a copy editor/proofreader for 13 years and was just laid off a few weeks ago. Are you hiring? :)

    10. SkyePilot*

      We have a constant back in forth in our office about the use of “their/they” as a gender neutral pronouns in our content, usually replacing what would otherwise be “his or her” or in reference to a company. My grand-boss is a stickler that it should not be used that way. Curious to see where you fall on that issue?

      For what it’s worth, we’re in a tech related industry that and on a formality-of-the-written-word scale of 1 to 10 we’re about a 5 – with 1 being an “Instagram Influence” and 10 being a doctoral thesis on teapot manufacturing during the Han Dynasty.

      1. Lore*

        Our official policy is to rephrase the sentence to avoid the issue when possible! If that’s not working, we’d rather alternate he and she than use the combined, and in something with an informal tone we’ll let the singular they slide. They as the singular pronoun of choice for a trans/non binary person is okay too.

  22. Queller of Chaos*

    Wedding planner in a past life, more than happy to help on that front, especially in the alternative wedding sector. I do digital strategy now, love helping small businesses. Also quasi dog and video game expert.

    Would love some resume/cover letter help.

    1. BlueWolf*

      I’m recently engaged and would love some tips on the wedding planning stuff. Still in the very early stages, but I think I would like something fairly small and inexpensive. I’m mostly struggling with figuring out where to have it. My fiancé and I live in the DC area, my family is mostly in Minnesota/Wisconsin, and his spread out on both the East and West coasts.

      1. Angela B.*

        I highly highly highly recommend you check out apracticalwedding.com for sane and reasonable wedding advice/articles/tutorials/all that fun stuff. Also has a fantastic group of commenters (much like this site), you could check out the Friday afternoon open thread they host to get a sense of what the community is like. APW was such a lifesaver when I was planning my wedding a couple years ago.

        2. purpleparrots*

          The book by the author of this website SAVED MY SANITY while wedding planning. Worth the read!

      2. Janey-Jane*

        Sort of had the same issue for my wedding (had recently moved to NC when we got engaged, but we were from Illinois/Wisconsin).

        We ended up choosing where was the easiest for extended family to travel to (my hometown) – it was closer and more direct than his Wisconsin hometown. No matter what we chose, someone was traveling, so we chose the most convenient option. Additionally, my grandparents were unlikely to make the 5+ hour trip to WI, and his could handle the 4+ hours to my hometown, so this way we guaranteed grandparents.

        I never thought I’d get married in my hometown, but it made the most sense, logistically.

        1. BlueWolf*

          Yeah, I’m definitely leaning towards somewhere near my family so that my grandparents can travel by car. I don’t see them flying anywhere. Sadly, none of my fiancé’s grandparents are alive any longer, which means there are only the grandparents on my side to worry about.

        2. Turkletina*

          We were also in a similar situation (though I was living on the West Coast and my spouse was living in the Middle East when we got married). We brought our wedding to my grandmother, who is the least mobile of our relatives. The wedding itself was in a small town, but close enough to a major city (~40 minutes by car) that folks who had traveled to New England from my spouse’s Midwestern homeland were able to make a mini-vacation out of it.

      3. Queller of Chaos*

        First thing to do, you each write a list of all your priorities. Tier them, so you each get 1 HAVE to have, 3 would love to have, 5 nice to have, and 3 “No way, this is not happening, I will set this place on fire” deal breakers. See if the two of you have any conflicts in your list (ie: You wanting a small wedding, and your partner wants a huge one). Once you iron those out, you have a basic outline for your wedding.

        Minnesota area is going to be WAY cheaper than DC or any of the coasts, and it’s kind of central, so if I were you, I’d veer more in that direction. The two most expensive aspects of any wedding (And the ones that book up first) are the venue and food. If you want to keep it small, that gives you a lot more freedom. I like non-traditional venues (Because they’re usually cheaper and more fun). Work backwards to find your venue. Is there a social group you enjoy? Where do they have their events? Are you into theater? Do you want fire swallowers? Where have they performed in the past? I go through places like Altas Obscura or Nerdy Day trips to find really cool places that don’t get a lot of competition for event rentals.

        Food wise, you can do the same thing. I like reaching out to food trucks and restaurants, most of them do catering, even high end catering, at a lower price point and higher quality than your usual wedding caterer. If your venue is near a culinary school, contact them, if the school doesn’t offer catering (many of them do), they’ll know the best places to go.

        Basically, the majority of my job was following Google rabbit trails, sending a ton of emails, and making a bunch of calls. I found one couple their dream venue at a killer price because I followed a festival to a restaurant, to a farm to table web-site, to a food co-op, to a community garden, to a beautiful historic barn that they used for underground square dancing.

        1. Queller of Chaos*

          Wanted to edit, obviously, based on your priorities, your venue and food (and everything else) will change.

        2. BlueWolf*

          Thanks for the tips! :) I’ve done a bit of research, but mostly on traditional wedding-planning websites. I’m definitely thinking something on the non-traditional side of things, so these are great suggestions!

        3. Katicorn*

          “historic barn for underground square dancing” may be the best phrase I’ve heard all week. I am delighted to know that such a thing exists!

      4. KitKat*

        OOH. I’m getting married on Saturday, and if you live in Montgomery County, the county-run venues are super affordable and lovely. They have 3 – Brookside Gardens, Rockwood Manor, and Little Seneca Creek.

    2. July*

      Ooh! I have a question. How do you find people to handle set up/take down at a wedding venue that doesn’t provide it? Normally I’d think neighborhood kids, but the reception may end past midnight.

      1. Not a Real Giraffe*

        Does the venue provide chairs and other event-related furniture, or do you have to rent those items? Who is handling the catering? Usually either the rental company or the catering company can help you source staff for event set-up/tear-down.

        1. July*

          The venue provides the chairs etc but doesn’t do set up. Friends of the bridal couple are doing the catering. I’ve been asked to do furniture moving and would much rather hire it out.

          1. Not a Real Giraffe*

            Are the friends who are doing the catering hiring any staff to serve the food, clear plates, etc.? If so, I would see if you can tag your staffing request onto that one – it will likely be most cost effective to hire from the same source. If not, you can try googling “Event set up crew for hire” or calling local catering companies to see what service they outsource their staff from.

            1. Not a Real Giraffe*

              Also, I’m sure you’ve already done this, but check with the venue themselves to see if they have any recommendations on who client have used in the past. They’ve surely encountered this before! Also ask them what happens if the people you hire damage their furniture.

              2. Photographer*

                Your handle sounds suspiciously like something a real giraffe would say if he’s trying to convince people online that he’s a human….

      2. Queller of Chaos*

        College Bound Movers or a similar service can help. Very rarely rental companies will offer their services without renting from them, but only if it’s super slow.

    3. Dani*

      I’m not at the wedding planning stage but I‘ve had plenty of job interviews last year and got invited to some „because the cover letter and CV were so beautiful“.
      What helped me was using canva.com, they have templates for CVs that are really easy to use and pretty beautiful, especially compared to other people‘s Word files. I put both my CV and cover letter in the same file so the design matched as well. I hope that helps!

    4. AlmostAcademic*

      Unfortunately not much help in the resume / cover letter sector, especially with all of the expertise on AAM. But, may I ask a question about wedding planning anyways?

      My almost-fiance and I are at odds over the wedding planning timeline. We both want a small, intimate, late spring/early summer backyard- or alternate-venue style wedding that’s really laid back and not too much money. However, we also want some killer pictures and good food. How long is a reasonable amount of time to plan this type of wedding in, while still being able to reserve photographers / find a dress / cake / etc? My partner seems to think that something around 4 months would be easy and plenty of time, whereas having seen my friends go through (admittedly more traditional) weddings, I’m thinking at least a year and more like 18-24 months is more reasonable.

      So, what would your recommendation as a professional be for a reasonable wedding planning timeline, where we aren’t just filling space but also not stressed out of our minds?

      1. Queller of Chaos*

        Depends on how flexible you want to be. It’s possible to plan a wedding in three months (I’ve done it) but that means you have to take what you can find, so you probably won’t book that perfect venue, or your dream photographer. You MIGHT, vendors get cancellations all the time, but it’s highly unlikely. Vendors are usually super helpful with referring to other places if they’re booked, someone who’s starting out, or who doesn’t have their marketing budget, etc.

        You’re right on with your timeline, 18 months is usually the average, however if you’re going after something/someone super competitive many of those can book years in advance. I have photographer friends that started booking for 2020 last year. (Probably because of the date. Funky dates book up WAY in advance).

        With a dress, most bridal shops want 6 months, in case anything goes wrong with your order. A custom seamstress or tailer can usually do something within a few months, and sometimes they’re even less expensive than going through a bridal shop. (I like to look up local theatre groups and see who does their costumes to source great vendors)

        Wedding planning comes in waves. You have to have a date before you can do anything. You get a date by booking something, usually your venue (Since you have to know where the wedding is, to source other vendors). After that comes the caterer and the photographer, since those book out quickly. That’s the framework, then you fill in the other pieces, which vary based on how long you have, and your personal style. (Once a couple and I planned an entire wedding in 2 months, then did nothing for another 9 until we started doing the confirmations the month before the big day.)

        These spreadsheets from Offbeat Bride are ridiculously helpful:
        https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/15eZRo1zr-l4iTJhnIAZmKWjP9rxRChLp8Pl0HWaQ8Vg/edit#gid=0

    5. catsaway*

      Wedding question – how do you plan a secular ceremony? My fiance and I are getting married this summer, date determined 100% by practical considerations – I’m finishing my PhD and starting a post doc, and my new position is in another state and doesn’t offer health insurance to domestic partners, and my fiance is a freelancer starting a business so no health insurance of his own. Fiance didnt’t want to just go to the courthouse because he doesn’t like how it looks so we reserved a public garden for the ceremony. So now we have to plan a ceremony and I don’t know where to start. We both want short and secular but since we’re doing at a separate place from where the reception will be I feel it has to be a certain length so people feel it was worth going to. I’m also strongly opposed to most ‘traditional’ ceremony aspects like walking down the aisle or having a flower girl/ring bearer I’m struggling to see how this will work out.
      TL;DR: How do you plan a short, secular wedding ceremony, including how to organize guests?

      2. Queller of Chaos*

        The great thing about weddings are they can be whatever you want them to be. Ceremonies can totally be short and secular! If you want to fill the time, you can do readings from your favorite books, poems, court cases, scientific discoveries movies or shows. (All of these have been done by my clients, and I’m sure there’s even more I haven’t thought of) Since you’re concerned about having a bunch of people come to a short ceremony (Where the entrance and exit of the guests might be longer than the ceremony itself), another thing to consider is you don’t have to invite everyone to the ceremony. Your mileage may vary depending on your loved ones, but it’s not super uncommon. I’ve done several weddings where the ceremony were less than a dozen people, with receptions in the hundreds.

        As for organizing guests, make use of signage with schedules/what to expect. Also feel free to have the officiant make announcements on your behalf. A wedding website is a great tool, you can even have QR code stickers at the ceremony and when guests scan them, they get a digital copy of the program, go to a schedule, or receive directions to the reception.

        1. catsaway*

          Thanks for the advice. The whole thing will be small ~35 people total (we are currently halfway across the country from where we were born so only local friends and immediate family), so we’re doing evites but no website.
          We’ll have to be sure to have our officiant make announcements, that’s a good suggestion.

      3. meg*

        Yes! We’re having a secular ceremony too and I don’t know what we say/do? A friend is officiating for us (we chose a close friend who is a lawyer, so she can figure out how to legally marry us, and who’s a great public speaker) and apparently she has some ideas but I just don’t have a great sense of what will happen in our ceremony.

      4. Arjay*

        Is there an option to have the ceremony at the same location as the reception? The public garden sounds lovely, but if there’s a concern about travel time, parking, or getting guests from one place to the other, it might be better to see if you can consolidate.

      5. Emily Spinach*

        My spouse and I read the overviews of multiple different types of “traditional” ceremonies and talked through the parts we liked and didn’t, then created a kind of hybrid ceremony/vows based on the things we liked and cared about. So I wanted it to look recognizably like a wedding ceremony in the overall structure, and I was raised Catholic, so we had secular readings where a Mass would have religious ones. We arranged the chair so there wasn’t one central aisle, so no one was surprised (or not too surprised) that we skipped the walk down the aisle part of things. I found that for me keeping the overall shape made me feel able to change a lot of details, but honestly your loved ones will be glad to celebrate with you no matter what.

    6. Shellie*

      How did you get into the wedding planning business? I’ve planned a few 100+ people events on a volunteer basis and love weddings, so I’ve been thinking of getting a part-time job at a wedding planning company to see if it’s something I’d like to pursue further. Is there anything else you would recommend?

    7. laylaaaaaaaah*

      What are you struggling with, resume/cover letter wise? Trying to condense everything down, or spruce everything up?

        3. Dlique*

          Same – BA in linguistics, working in higher ed administration. Definitely miss doing morphology problem sets!

        4. Annie Edison*

          Ling BA working in access and privacy here! I dream of the (totally unrealistic) day my job needs someone who knows IPA so I can rush in and save the day.

    5. Adjunct Gal*

      I work as a content developer/instructional designer now and was a English comp instructor/writing tutor before. I miss phonology and syntax though.

    6. Beancounter in Texas*

      What’s your favorite tidbit of trivia to tell laypeople about linguistics?

      1. ZSD*

        Hm. Well, I often have to explain that linguistics doesn’t mean speaking a lot of languages; it means studying the science of how language works in our brains and in society. Since I’m a sociolinguist, I like to have people think about how a) different groups of people (from different regions, different sexes, different races, etc.) might communicate differently from each other, and b) how one person speaks differently in different situations (talking to your employees vs. talking to your mom vs. talking to your best friend). Sociolinguistics studies the patterns in these variations.
        And people are always happy to hear a good old etymology. The English word “lord” comes from Old English “hlafwaerd,” “loaf-guard,” i.e., the person who guards the bread. If you’re in charge of the food, you’re in charge of everything.
        I’d be interested to hear the other linguists’ answers!

    7. whingedrinking*

      I’m a language teacher (English and French as additional languages) currently working on a Master’s in education. Very few of my colleagues have a background in linguistics, myself included. To what extent do you think it would be helpful to get some basic linguistics stuff under my belt?

      1. Elf*

        Study some phonology! I have some (amateur, self-study) linguistics background, and it is amazing how much of a difference it makes for people learning a new language when I can tell them what to physically do with their mouth and tongue to make a sound correctly. You can get an adult (or adolescent without a great ear) student WAY closer to native pronunciation.

        Very high reward for minimal time investment.

    8. bearing*

      I’m just starting to learn my first non-Indo-European language, after learning lots of French in school and self-teaching bits of Italian/Spanish/Latin/Swedish. (I’m a hobbyist language learner — I don’t need it for my job or anything).

      In my new language, which does use roughly the same alphabet as English but is otherwise very different, I’m struggling a little because of the lack of cognates and intuition acquired studying Indo-European languages. Have any tips for someone to get an overview of patterns, grammar, and vocabulary of a language that’s totally unlike anything they’ve known before, except for the alphabet?

      1. Elf*

        I have a real assortment. My strongest languages are French and Klingon, strong Spanish, a bit of Japanese years ago which I have mostly forgotten, and even less Latin even longer ago.

        Klingon and Japanese are VERY different from Romance languages.

        I’m not sure how much help I can be, because the structure part was always the easiest for me, but I am very much a learner by production/communication. I really need to have live verbal interactions, and find that incredibly useful.

        However, in the absence of that, I had the most success with Memrise for vocabulary (you can build your own deck of flashcards, but there are likely preexisting decks for whatever language you’re studying). I also recommend translating a bunch of simple sentences, and memorizing some set-phrases or idioms, so that you start to internalize the grammar/structure. TBH, it takes time and use for the structures to be internalized.

    9. Glen*

      Etymology question: my daughter wondered why we say alarms go off but other things (like light bulbs) go on. My brief google search did not find a satisfying answer. Is there a reason or do we just need to accept that this is an idiosyncrasy of the English language?
      Thanks!

  24. Bekx*

    Help request:

    How do I pick out home design things like area rugs and wall art? I’m really trying to make my house look nice and cohesive. Right now my biggest problem is choosing a new chandelier for my staircase. My current one is gold and my walls are gray and white and I don’t like it. How do I figure out what stuff to buy????

    1. patricia*

      Following so I can see any answers. My follow on question would be how to pull interior design together without spending a ton of money or a ton of time. (Probably not possible?) I don’t know how to come up with a concept and then find things to satisfy that concept. I tend to shop for specific things (in life, not just design) but most ideas I’ve seen about how not to spend thousands involves shopping often to find just the right item serendipitously.

    2. Fuzzy pickles*

      houzz.com is what I use. The articles and gallery is full and they have a designer dilemma forum for user specific questions.

      1. Fuzzy pickles*

        *the articles and gallery are full of ideas and advice.

        I created an ideabook many years ago and what I still liked the idea of living in after a year (because I like everything) showed me my style. I’m contemporary – almost modern with organic/natural material accents, global patterns and abstract art.

    3. Z*

      Look for silver for a new chandelier, to go with the grey and white.
      As for the rest, I tend to think you either have an eye for this stuff or you don’t… but for folks who do, it’s often fun. So unless you want to hire a designer, I’d look for a friend to help out, whether for fun or barter. You’re looking for someone who has a good eye and good taste–which does not have to mean *your* taste as long as they can understand your taste and pick out things that you would like.

      1. Bekx*

        Silver, that’s what I was thinking. So maybe I’m not too far off :) I think the big hurdle for me is spending a ton of money and oh no what if it looks bad??

        1. Z*

          Sounds like you may have more of an eye than you realized :)
          As for the “oh no” worry… leave some room in your budget for imperfection, look for lower-budget ways to test out ideas, and be attentive to what kind of palate you are creating with your choices. For instance, years ago I was living in a rental with white walls and I needed a new comforter… I got a khaki one, not because I loooove khaki but because I liked khaki and khaki+white looked good with a lot of different things… and then I was able to get a bunch of different kinds of sheets and change up the look of my room every time I changed my sheets.

        2. June*

          Could you spray paint your current chandelier? There are some wonderful colors and textures out there. Maybe a metal hammered silver or gray metallic? Of course you will need to take it down before spraying paint. Otherwise your walls, floors, stairs, etc., will be the same color. :)

          1. Bekx*

            The taking it down is part of the problem. It’s directly above my stairs so I need to almost have a special ladder to reach it. I have a few other handyman type projects for the house, so I think I’m going to call a handyman in and have him fix those and just replace and reinstall the chandelier. It’s too much of a hassle to try to take it down myself.

    4. LilCunningFox*

      That’s a good question. For me, it has been following blogs and trying to find others on Instagram and Pinterest for style inspiration, then going from there. We bought a house in November and I’ve been really trying to up my design skills! I am a fan of both A Beautiful Mess and The Jungalow blogs/Instagrams, and I follow random Instagram pages for style inspiration too. I think that’s the biggest thing with finding a cohesive style — deciding what your style actually is! (Also, I recommend Wayfair.com for rugs — they have great deals and free shipping!)

      1. Whoa*

        Pinterest was a lifesaver when I bought my house last year. I’d search the one feature to find photos/styles that had the same thing (ex. grey walls, wood floors, white couch), then see what other items were being used to match or incorporated. It also helped me find some things that I never knew I would like- hello black cabinetry!

        1. Bekx*

          This is what I’ve been doing, but it’s finding wall art that I like and that matches my budget and that matches the pinterest board that I’m struggling with a bit.

    5. AAM fan*

      Ooh fun question! I’m a design junkie but NOT a professional. Various options but try Emily Henderson’s website, she often tackles questions like this… Also shows examples of a wide variety of styles which is helpful. Pinterest and Houzz are good… Design.sponge also… But the basic principle is, look at pictures of rooms and see what appeals to you. On the most basic level, it helps to narrow down the style you like – modern? Country? Traditional? Etc. Then you have search terms to use on Houzz and Pinterest. More specifically, just look up chandeliers on, say, Pinterest, and pin a bunch of the ones you like. Then see what the theme is on those pins. Black, angular? Ornate? English country style? Hopefully this will help you to narrow it down. Or, if you have a friend whose style you like, just ask them to help you!

    6. MechanicalPencil*

      This is the very novice version: I’m going through something similar, and I’ve been using Pinterest and just pin images of rooms I like. Then I’ll decide something like “today I look at rugs for the living room”. I know what size I need, price range. Then I go looking through what I pinned to remember what I liked, particularly if it was rug related. Then I just go to whichever store I’ve selected (this is the part I’m awful at) and try to find something similar.

    7. HRKylie*

      I think one of the most basic things you can do is grab a color wheel, and learn about different color arrangements such as warm v. cool colors, complementary, split complementary, etc. It’s amazing how much that matters in your decor selections. One of the issues that is probably jarring you with your chandelier is the color problem. Pairing yellow gold with gray tends to make the yellow look brassier and less attractive. You can either warm up your paint, or you can cool down your chandelier.

      Taking a look at color can really help you make coordinating decor choices.

      1. Bekx*

        Yes, I knew the chandelier didn’t match for that reason, but I’m really struggling with what style to put there. I think I’m going to go with a similar style, just in silver. The chandelier was there when I bought the house and all the lights just burnt out so I can’t really ignore it anymore like I’ve been trying to.

        1. MechanicalPencil*

          If you’re going for a similar style but silver…can you just spray paint it? That’s totally not my area though. I’m doing just fine with my wooden table.

        2. Lefty*

          I’m a day late, but maybe you’ll still see. When we replaced a difficult to reach, outdated light fixture recently… I had to get creative about “seeing” it in the space. I would actually print out pictures of what I thought I would like, large enough to hold up in the room to sort of eyeball where it would be. At one point, I had a few taped to paint stirrer sticks so that I could hold them out away from myself for a better look. I’ve seen more apps doing augmented reality to allow you to do this as well- I’ve seen it for IKEA, Houzz, and Hutch. There’s also Modsy, but it’s too expensive for me at $69 per room!

          Other things I learned when we replaced our really hard to reach light fixture: Consider the direction the bulbs point- maybe look for one where the bulbs point towards the floor you’re most likely to stand on when you change them. Ours was 2 stories lower in a very high foyer (yours may be as well), so we picked one that pointed down and I bought a light bulb pole from our local home improvement place. I still had to be on a ladder, but at least it was 1/2 the height! When we had another that was more easily accessed over a knee-wall in a split foyer, I did bulbs that faced upwards and still used that light bulb pole. So, also consider the shape of the bulbs! The pole that we had worked well on flood-light cone shaped bulbs and the traditional “balloon” shape, but not on the small tapered bulbs that you’d often see in candelabra-style fixtures.

          Also, if you’re hiring an electrician to replace the light- could you save up enough for a chandelier lift or pulley? I’ve seen very pricey motorized versions and cheaper, manual ones. If you’re into rustic or industrial looks at all, the pulley systems can even be a bit of a feature! It seems like a big purchase based only on the price tag, but I always compare it to the price of 1) best outcome- I still need to buy or rent a tall, sturdy ladder and a light bulb pole or 2) worst case- I fall off and have to make health insurance claims or worse!

      1. LeaViva*

        I do second all those tips above. How I handled my home design:
        First, go and collect pictures of everything that appeals to you. Then go through that collection to define your style and color combinations. You can do that generally for the whole house/apartment and/or more in detail for every room. I liked to create a moodboard with example pictures of furniture and color blocks.
        Second, go back to your “problem room” and check what already is in you above defined style and color sprectrum. Then (slowly) replace the not fitting stuff and add what’s missing.
        Generally, before you buy furniture or more expensive add-ons, think about how you would be using the room and what your needs for functionality are.

        Blogs I like to read and therefor recommend: =)
        http://www.almostmakesperfect.com
        http://www.yellowbrickhome.com
        http://www.homeyohmy.com
        http://www.withheart.com
        http://www.jonesdesigncompany.com

      2. Rookie Manager*

        I like Young House Love – they’vr gone through varies phases over the years but their style and attitude appeal.

      3. Ali G*

        I bought a book called the Domino (like Domino Magazine) Book of Decorating. It is a step-by-step process for figuring out your style and then how to find pieces to put together and design each room in your house. It’s a bit time consuming, but I keep returning to it. My decorating is on hold until I have money coming in again, but I plan to keep planning, so I am ready for when we can actually buy/do stuff around the house.
        Also, I tend to order a handful of items and return the ones I don’t want. Just make sure for more expensive purchases that you check the return policy. Alternatively, you can always resell something you don’t want to try to recoup some of the costs (or sell the one you have now!).

      4. DesigningForKicks*

        If you think you’re more of a “modern traditional” check out chrislovesjulia.com and their (sadly defunct) podcast. They also just had a roundup of a bunch of chandeliers on their blog!

        As for art/rugs accessories, find something you LOVE and then pull colors/tones out of it. Also, pick your paint color last. It’s way easier to match your paint color to your rug/couch/painting you love than the other way around.

    9. Inspector Spacetime*

      I’m not an interior designer or anything, but I recommend coming up with a color palette first. Grey, white, and then pick a couple other colors that you like. Do you want grey, white, with black accents and pops of red? Or do you want to go with something cooler: grey, white, navy blue, and silver? Then you just buy things in those colors. It’s also like creating an outfit: you want different textures, and maybe a pattern or too.

      For grey and white walls, I’d recommend a silver or pewter chandelier, or maybe a cast-iron black one.

      It helps to look at what magazines do, as well.

    10. June*

      Buy it and try it! Sometimes I purchase something, like a rug, to try it out at home. If I don’t care for it, then I return it. Here’s how I do it: I roll out the rug and set up the furniture around/over it. I look at it from different angles/places in the room/views from other rooms. If I like it, I keep it. If not, I immediately put it back in it’s original packaging and return it sooner than later. Some stores only have a 14 day window. Make sure you plan accordingly with the return policy in mind. You wouldn’t want to lay down a rug, not be sure about it, go on vacation, return home and decide you don’t care for the rug. Cause at this point, you might not have an option to return it to the store. And pretty please, return it in the condition you found it. Cause your return might be my purchase. Good luck!

    11. Computer Witch*

      I’m not sure what your style would be for wall art or area rugs, but I always have better luck when I start with what color I need to carry around the room! Try to carry around a paint or fabric swatch from the room you’re searching for when you’re out shopping– and take measurements of where you want to place the items first. It’s going to give you a much better idea of how it fits into the space before you go home. I don’t advise buying online if you’re unsure just because color profiles can vary so dramatically in product images.

      I definitely wouldn’t buy a chandelier right away — if you’re feeling DIY and have some outdoor space to do it, I would get a get a spray paint/finish designed for metal (and a few rolls of painter’s tape) and give it a go first. If you try it in different colors and still hate the chandelier, maybe look into getting a pendant light? From the image you posted it looks like this isn’t a super-visible chandelier and having something a little less fussy to light the space might freshen up the look.

      (Full disclosure: Not an actual interior designer, but an artsy type who has worked with quite a few.)

    12. Not So NewReader*

      If you don’t like the chandelier then target that. I like to see how light plays around an area. Is the staircase well lighted when the chandelier is on? That would be my first thing to check. If NO then I would want something different in the next piece that would throw more light. It looks to me like you go up the second half of the stairs and you cast a shadow on the very steps you are trying to use. Maybe not. Am just guessing.

      When I picked out new lighting for my place here, I looked at pictures online, night after night after night. When I was just about ready to cry it hit me what I liked and what I wanted to do.
      I am middle age, I can see a time coming where having really good lighting is important to me. So I chose things that would take the higher rated bulbs. For example, I put sconces in my bedroom. I have 75 watt bulbs in there now, but the light is rated for 100 watt. If my vision dims in years to come I am ready. I am thrilled with them they light up the entire room very well and I no longer fall over my dog with black fur.

      So start with practicality and safety.
      Then move toward picking something that seems to fit the rest of your stuff. I have a lot of old style furniture here, stuff that has been in the family for generations. The sconces that I chose are on an ornate metal base that kind of fits in well with the older furniture. I looked at some very cool modern styled sconces that I really liked but they did not make sense with my furniture in place.

      Colors. Simpler is better to me. I asked about the chandelier first because if you don’t like the light you won’t start liking the light just because you painted the walls. But if the problem is that you do not like the grey walls with the brass chandelier why not just paint over the gray parts with a color that flatters the brass better? I was thinking of something blue-ish, maybe a light dusty blue?

      One rule I have found very helpful is dark colors make an area seem smaller. Light colors make an area seem larger. The same goes for exterior paints on a house. I have a light colored siding on my house because it’s really not that big but if I ever sell it the lighter color will help to interest buyers because the house will seem a little larger.

      Your answer might be found in part by looking at pictures of stairwells online. After you have looked at a few start to note the common threads in the ones you like.

  25. Matilda Jefferies*

    Ooh, neat idea! I’m good at information management – how to organize your paperwork and electronic files, how to decide how long to keep them, etc. (The only bad thing is that I really love to talk about it, so you might be in danger of getting more information than you really need!)

    1. Just Tired*

      When confronted with a shared drive of files that dozens of people have had access to for several years (I bet you already know where I’m going with this), what would be the first thing you’d do to try to get it organized (other than cut off access, which I can’t do). Thanks in advance!

      1. Jesmlet*

        What I did: asked the big boss for permission to tackle it and then just did it without telling people. Literally ended up individually going through and deleting around 20,000 unnecessary files. No one noticed that I’d gotten rid of stuff and reorganized things at all but it all makes a lot more sense and there’s far less clutter.

        1. Matilda Jefferies*

          I love this approach too! My longer post below is the textbook version of it, but it rarely looks like that in practice. In MY ideal world, I would absolutely just go in and do it myself!

          (Part 2 of my long post is coming – I’ve tried it a couple of times but it keeps getting eaten. I’ve emailed Alison to follow up.)

          1. Jesmlet*

            Honestly, I got pretty lucky in that the CEO trusted me to be autonomous with this and believed that people would just get used to it and figure it out.

            Funnily enough, I literally just got a call this morning for the first time from someone who wanted to know where something was and this is months after I finished organizing everything.

      2. Matilda Jefferies*

        First of all, I hope it helps to know you’re not alone! Everyone who has ever used a shared drive has this problem – they’re the absolute devil as far as I’m concerned.

        I’m going to answer in two parts, because I really can be wordy about this. :) There’s the background and planning part; and then the practical “what do I actually do” part.

        First, make sure you have organizational support behind you. You need three things here:
        ~Support from your manager to make this part of your workload
        ~Support from TPTB, both for the physical changes to the drive and for getting people to use the new system
        ~Support from the people who are actually using the drive, to change their behaviour enough to make it work.

        I’m getting really interested in change management as a motivator for this, because it involves changing everybody’s day to day work habits to some extent. Gretchen Rubin (who Alison interviewed in yesterday’s podcast) has some great information on changing personal habits, and you can also look up the Diffusion of Innovation Curve to understand how different people respond to change.

        Also, you’ll want to apply some project management discipline here – this is an administrative task, and honestly a pretty boring one, so it tends to fall to the bottom of people’s priority lists pretty much forever. So sit down with the organizational supporters you identified above, and make sure you’re clear on your goals, timelines, who is responsible for what work, etc. (I love RACI charts for this – these are easily google-able as well.) Finally, make sure that you know what “finished” looks like, and who will be responsible for maintaining it going forward.

        Do a communications plan while you’re at it. Make sure that *everybody* knows this project is coming, what’s expected of them and when. For example, will they be involved in the design? Will they be moving files and folders? At the very least, assume that everybody is going to be using the new structure, so they’ll need some advance notice of what it looks like and what will happen to their old folders.

        tbc…

        1. Matilda Jefferies*

          Now, the actual work! Assuming you have all of the above, and some dedicated time to work on the project, here are the basic steps:

          ~Decide on a folder structure. Typically you want your folders to be organized by function or activity, rather than by department name or a person’s name. So if you have a folder called Finance, it’s clear what types of records are going to be in it, and you don’t have to change it when the Financial Services Department becomes the Controller’s Office. Plan it all out on paper or in Excel ahead of time, before you make any changes to the actual structure.

          ~Aim to standardize the top 2-3 levels, and let programs or users do what they like below that.

          ~Get user feedback on the folder structure, either as you’re designing it or after you have a first draft. This is partly as part of the change management effort (it’s easier to get people on board if they have been able to participate in the process), and partly to make sure you’re giving them a folder structure that they can actually use.

          ~Decide on the scope of the migration effort. Do you want to migrate everything to the new structure, or everything that’s newer than a certain date, or just start with a clean structure and only migrate files that you need? This depends on how many files or folders need to be migrated, how old they are, and how many people and how much time you have available to work on it.

          ~Once you know what you’re going to be migrating, figure out a plan for how long it will take – again this depends on how many people are working on it, everybody’s operational priorities, and the number of files and folders to be moved.

          ~Do a preliminary cleanup – get everyone to remove drafts and duplicates, and put anything that’s super old in an Archive file.

          ~Finally, set up the new folder structure, and begin migration!Again, make sure to give people lots of notice that this is coming, and be prepared for the people who still had no idea about it.

          ~Once the migration is done (for whatever you have decided “done” looks like), make sure you close off access to the old folders, so people can’t put things there by accident. The easiest way to do this is just by making the whole thing Read Only, so people can still grab any files that they might have missed. Don’t delete anything until you’re absolutely sure that the migration is complete and working – probably 6 months or so down the line. Even then, be super sure you’re only deleting things that you know for sure aren’t needed any more.

          ~Also at six months or so, go back to your users and see how they like the new drive. That should be long enough that they’re over the “this isn’t the way we used to do it” hump, and can identify real problems rather than things that they just aren’t used to. Look for things like functions that haven’t been identified, duplicates or potentially confusing folder names, etc. Tweak what you need, and then you can finally call it done.

          It sounds like a lot, but I’ve found that really the only way to make this work is by treating it as a project with dedicated goals and timelines. Put lots of thought into it beforehand, make sure everybody knows what you’re doing, what they’re doing, and when. If you just go in and start moving folders around, you’re not going to get very far with it.

          I’m pretty much always around on Fridays, so feel free to drop me a note on the open thread if you have questions as you go along. Good luck!

          1. Just Tired*

            Thank you! I’m going to start putting together a plan. I’ve already been doing some surreptitious clean up. The shared drive where I work now is bad, but it’s nothing like the one at my last employer, where the CEO would regularly go in and just create multiple copies of a file with maybe one (or maybe 0) changes. And then there were the files she would accidentally create, like the ones full of Lisa Frank drawings. My co-workers and I never did figure out how she managed those. She definitely wasn’t a secret Lisa Frank fan.

            1. Matilda Jefferies*

              Ha. People like her are the ones who keep people like me employed! And drive everyone else crazy while they’re at it. :)

    2. LaRaBa*

      I do information management in disaster response! So it’s probably slightly different, but I *also* really love to talk about it!

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        Yay! It’s probably pretty much the same thing, just depends on whether you’re organizing before or after the disaster. ;)

        1. LaRaBa*

          I am a student now, but have worked for international non-governmental organizations that do humanitarian response.

    3. LizB*

      How many layers of folders are too many for a shared drive? I want to divide files up into categories that make them easy to find, but don’t want people to have to click a million times to find what they’re looking for.

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        It depends! I usually aim to standardize the top 2-3 levels, then let the users do whatever they want underneath. Ideally, no more than 5-6 total – even at that level, you’re likely to have duplication, and folders existing in multiple places.

        The other thing to keep in mind is that you have a limit of 260 characters in your file path, starting with the drive letter. So if your shared drive is called “G,” your file path starts with G:\, which is three characters to begin with. Every layer you add includes another \ along with the names of the folders, and then the names of the files on top of that, so you can get close to the character limit pretty quickly if you get too deep.

        1. Matilda Jefferies*

          Bah. I’m failing at posting everything today! I meant to bold only the G:\ – forgot to close the tag.

    4. Need organizing help*

      I would love some advice on organizing my paperwork. What are some good, basic categories for filing the paperwork? What’s your favorite organizing tool?

        1. ErinW*

          Not a professional organizer, but I’ll answer your question. I mostly keep virtual copies of things nowadays (bills, tax stuff, receipts)–I can scan for free at work, so I scan-then-shred everything unless an original is needed. I keep it all in a portable drive (which travels with me to and from work most days, because my music is also on it). You can also put virtual stuff in cloud storage if you’re not too concerned about security.

          Stuff at home is in file folders in a Target file cabinet. They all have very sophisticated names like house stuff, phone stuff, computer stuff, car stuff, dog stuff, medical stuff. One thing I recommend is to have a file folder in the front for “To be filed.” I have this at my work as well. Because sometimes you don’t have the urge to file right this moment but you want those papers put away. And when you’re looking for something, you know it’s only in one of two places–where it’s supposed to be, or in “To be filed.”

          Every few years I go through the paperwork and weed out anything that is older than an arbitrary date (5 years or whatever). I have never found that I needed any of that stuff again.

          The SUPER important stuff (birth certificates, passports, deed to house, etc.) is in a home safe.

          1. Matilda Jefferies*

            Pretty much this! The only thing I would add is that most bills have a time limit after which you can’t dispute them – usually 60-90 days, sometimes longer. It’s in the fine print somewhere. But once you’ve passed that point, you don’t need to keep the bill any more. Most of the information is captured online, and if you want to track your spending on a particular account, you can use a spreadsheet or an app or any one of a dozen ways that are better than holding on to dozens of individual pieces of paper.

            So when you’re doing your cleanout, it doesn’t have to be an arbitrary date. Find out when that “appeal period” expires, and toss (shred! please shred!) everything older than that. Although arbitrary works too – I’m a big fan of doing whatever is easiest. If figuring out the specific date for each bill is going to prevent you from doing the task, then just go with whichever date works for you and gets the job done!

    5. LiterallyPapyrus*

      Great skill! I’m a food banker, with 4 warehouses. All of our sites have to be AIB certified. Currently, all of our AIB documentation is stored in no fewer than 50 binders, all supposed to be the same. With about 10 staff working on this documentation, it’s pure chaos.

      As the project manager responsible for overseeing our AIB processes, I want to move all of our documentation and SOPs into a shared common drive. Any tips on how to make this transition smooth and easy for my warehouse staff? How to set it up?

      Thanks!

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        I haven’t forgotten about you, LiterallyPapyrus! In fact just the opposite – I have gotten so interested in AIB certification that I’ve gone down the rabbit hole trying to get really good information for you. (This is both a positive and a negative in the context of my job, as I’m sure you can imagine!)

        My long post above should give you some information on setting up a shared drive in general. For your specific project, I would keep the folder structure as simple as possible. I don’t want to over-generalize, but I’m going to assume that most of your warehouse staff are not necessarily computer-literate, so you don’t want to make it too technical or complicated for them. The same is true of any filing system, of course, but more so when you have people who aren’t used to shared drives for whatever reason.

        Set up the folder structure to mirror your work as much as possible – if there are specific workflows that people are already used to, you can base your folders on that. Or if there are specific categories that are used for AIB certification, you could use those. Make it look as much like the binders as possible, so people are already familiar with the structure when they see it. Then, as in my long post, project management and change management techniques are going to be your best bets in getting all this going.

        Happy to answer more detailed questions as well if you want! I just needed to make sure that I didn’t get so lost in your certification process that I forgot to answer your actual question. :)

    6. Snargulfuss*

      Any recommendations for what service to use to store photos in the cloud. I’m an amateur photographer, so I have LOTS of images, and I know I should have backups of my files in more than one place. I keep RAW (large files) on an external hard drives, but I’d also like to have JPEG images stored somewhere on the cloud. I don’t make money off of my photography, so I don’t want to invest in an account/service that’s too pricey.

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        This one is outside my area of expertise, but there’s a photographer elsewhere on this thread who may be able to help. Good luck!

    7. KTZee*

      What do you find is the best tool for getting other team members to adhere to information management plans, for example, on shared drives regarding filename conventions? I’ve tried public shaming but am considering an upgrade to a sharp stick… (only somewhat facetious, this is a real pain at my job… and is not really meant to be the substance of my work.)

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        I’m a big fan of both public shaming and sharp sticks myself! Although my boss kind of frowns on me using them as motivational tools…

        I would start by gathering some information on *why* people aren’t following the plans. For naming conventions, are there too many of them? Are they too complicated or unclear? Do people know how to use them, and do they understand why they’re important? Same with the folder structures – are they clear and easy to use? Are people still resisting a change that was implemented five years ago? Once you have that information, you can use it to design a new system, or to train people on the current system.

        This is where I recommend Gretchen Rubin again – her Four Tendencies framework is really useful for this sort of thing. Not so much for labelling any individual person, but for understanding that these are some general types of people out there in the world, and you’ll need to use different approaches to make sure you appeal to each of them. You probably have most of the Obligers on board already, and you’ll never get the Rebels, so focus on the Questioners and the Upholders – in both cases, they’re going to be looking for the benefit to them as individuals in following the system. Good luck!

    8. SittingDuck*

      My company recently did a re-org of our shared electronic files. I spear-headed it because our system was just a MESS – so many duplicate copies of documents – never knowing which one was the most current, or where to go to get certain documents.
      I think we made GREAT progress – deleted a whole bunch of super old things that are no longer relevant – created an ‘archive’ folder in each folder to dump older versions of documents so only the current version is in the main folder, we also came up with a new naming convention for documents so we know when they were last edited without opening them.
      One thing we still struggle with though is ensuring that everyone has the latest version – we toyed with the idea of an excel spreadsheet that lists the name and location of the latest version – but that seems like a lot of work to put together and maintain – do you have any thoughts on a different way to do this? Like if one of our Llama instructors emails to ask if llamatraining14.pdf is the form he should be using, is there an easy way to keep track of versions of documents? I try to keep only the current version of documents in the folders I use- but not everyone in the company seems to feel comfortable deleting or moving old versions and will just keep the old ones hanging around (until I find them and move them typically, but I don’t have time to comb the system every week!)

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        I love shared drive success stories! You may have guessed that they’re not my favourite organizational tool – I have a whole rant about how they’re basically digital versions of filing cabinets, in terms of what they can and can’t do. Unfortunately, one thing they really don’t do very well (or at all, really) is version control. Outside of the naming conventions and Current/Previous folders that you’re already using, there’s really not much else you can do in that environment.

        In my organization, we have made a Forms page on the intranet, and all current versions are posted there. It’s centrally managed, so all requests come through my team for posting. That way we can be sure that current versions are always available (and not duplicated all over the place), and that old versions are removed. The design of this system predates me, but the page itself is just in XML, and it’s super simple to maintain.

        If you can’t get space on your intranet, you could still do a version of this in your shared drive. Have a single folder called FORMS, that everyone has Read access to, but only one or two people have Write and Delete. All forms would have to be sent to these one or two gatekeepers to put in the folder, and these people are also responsible for deleting old versions. It’s not perfect, and it doesn’t stop people from saving local copies to their desktops, but it’s a good quick way of centralizing the process to start with.

    9. Librar**

      Do you have any advice for a useful personal information management text for college students that isn’t ten years old?

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        I’m well more than ten years out of college myself, so I don’t know what’s current if you’re looking for a comprehensive classroom resource. ARMA.org and AIIM.org might be your best bets there. Good luck!

  26. Morning Glory*

    I’ve got a lot of experience with PowerPoint and know a lot of cool tricks for how to use it.

    1. Amelia*

      What’s your most useful trick?

      Also is there a way to paste something (figure/text) onto all slides simultaneously? I had a deck of figures that needed a key added and pasting one at a time got old very quickly.

      1. Morning Glory*

        1. Yes, that is possible! Use slide-master (under View), and your first slide will be your ‘master slide.’ Paste and format your image there and it will show up in the same place on all of your other slides.

        For tips, I do a lot of work with graphics creation, so my favorite trick relate to shapes: the “merge shape” add-in allows you to merge, combine, or fragment shapes, and the “edit shape” tool allows you to alter the points of the shape to customize it.

        Another tool some people don’t about is the “group” tool which allows you to resize or move different objects together.

        1. Amelia*

          Thanks! Master slides sounds so official haha

          Is there an easy way to export a merged shape to use again in a new powerpoint? Like could I make a shape and then have it as an option under the insert shapes?

          The group tool is my absolute favorite. I don’t know how I existed before it.

      2. Instruct Not Destruct*

        Not the original expert, but use PPT daily. If your figure/text is in the same on each slide (like a logo or disclaimer) you may want to set up some master slides to handle that for you.

        1. Amelia*

          Master slides are so intimidating haha, it was a key for a style of figure that got repeated a lot. I’ll have to experiment. Thanks!

          1. Instruct Not Destruct*

            The name is really intimidating right? They are just options though, I have about 4 master slides per PPT template and usually about 20 layouts for each master (they’re the same 20 for each master). It really just speeds up development of your deck.

            If you have an image treatment you like to repeat (ie a border style, size etc) I’d create it as a layout under your slide master, then you can plop in the content quickly.

      1. Morning Glory*

        That depends on how much time you have available to use it, because there are plenty of online and in-person trainings.

        I think one of the best ways to stay sharp though is if you set challenges for yourself and see if you can figure out how to solve them, e.g., how can I embed audio onto this slide? Can I create an interactive slide like a poll? How do I space these five small images evenly across the slide?
        It’s also useful to set up some exploration ‘play time’ and look at PPT’s advanced settings and different add-ins, and tool-bars to see what different things do, and how they could be useful.

  27. Shaima*

    Questions about campaign communications, community advocacy communications, or US refugee work? I’ve got you.

  28. Vin Packer*

    Any self-taught coders around here? I’m particularly interested in R and Python. I used to have someone who could hold my hand and help me muddle through to do what I needed but I want to become self-sufficient; where/how to start?

      1. Vin Packer*

        I don’t want to get too specific and out myself, but, basically, there’s a whole community of humanities types using digital tools to “read” in new and interesting ways. That’s what I’m interested in getting good at.

    2. autophage*

      I’m self-taught, though I haven’t worked much in Python or R (I’m mostly focused on SQL/C#/JavaScript).

      I think the biggest difficulty that people run into is graduating from trivial example code to “real software”. I had the benefit of learning on the job (I was working as a tester and, with management’s blessing, started to transition to “two hours a day of dev work, six hours of testing” and slowly changing that ratio).

      The trick for me was working on a large project and slowly filling in my gaps about how it worked. You need to have enough grasp of the basics to be able to figure things out, but once you’re no longer being tripped up by syntax questions, it’s time to start moving up to higher levels of abstraction.

      A good way to do this is to find an open-source project with a good suite of tests, and to run through the tests step-by-step in a debugger. Note the ways that different layers interact. Make a few minor changes and see what tests break. See what changes you can make without breaking the tests.

      This will get you a good leg up on how software (at least of the sort that the project you were looking at) is put together from a bigger perspective (rather than the “probably less than 200 lines” that constitute most examples given in introductory materials).

      1. Vin Packer*

        This is exactly it–I can do the very simplest things and I’m intelligent enough to be able to Google something and figure out how to modify it, but I know that there are heaps of things I don’t even know I don’t know (you know?).

        This is good advice, I think; learn how this basically works to be sure I understand it on a fundamental level so I’m not always just guessing.

    3. OperaArt*

      1. Focus on Python 3 rather than Python 2.
      2. For questions, the web is your friend, especially StackOverflow. Someone is bound to have asked the same question you have.
      3. A book which is getting a bit dated but is still a good source for getting started: Python Essential Reference
      4. Use Python’s interactive mode to test ideas.

      1. Dr. KMnO4*

        As someone who has done some R coding, I second the recommendation for StackOverflow. It’s a fantastic resource. The R packages themselves are useful too.

      2. Vin Packer*

        These types of straightforward directives are exactly what I was hoping for! Thank you so much; this is extremely helpful.

        Stack Overflow is the main way I was able to muddle through in the past, but lots of the discussion about *why* things worked/didn’t work and debate about which way was the best way went over my head. I need to go back to the beginning and learn things in order.

        1. AnotherJill*

          That is a big issue with Stack Overflow. If you have a programming background it is not too difficult usually to separate the good stuff from the noise. But if you are a beginner, it’s not really that great of a resource.

          YouTube can also be a good resource, but sometimes you have to go through a few to find one that makes sense. Google for online tutorial sites with explanations as well.

          I do think that if you really want to understand why you are doing things that work but you aren’t sure why, that taking a beginning programming course at something like a community college is a good idea. If you get a good instructor (not always a given) they will give you some rational for what you are doing that will carry into any language.

    4. Brett*

      For python on your own, I always recommend working through the book “Python the Hard Way”.
      PyCharm and jupyter have been create for code development and exploratory code work for me.
      Always use virtual environments. Always.
      Macbooks are expensive, but so much easier for learning python when you start using c-library python bindings and deal with packaging (and make sure to use homebrewed python with virtual environments). The extra cost makes up for itself in productivity gains in the long run.

    5. Mrs. Badcrumble*

      Coursera for R and CodeAcademy for Python. StackOverflow is good for questions, once you know what to have questions about. And keep your eye out for intro workshops. If you’re in the northeast, the New York Academy of the Sciences holds very cheap (like $50) hands-on workshops from time to time.

    6. LadyKelvin*

      I’m a mostly self-taught R coder, now it is all I use in my job (quantitative marine biologist). I took a basic course where I learned how to read in data, due basic statistical tests, and that’s about it. Then from there it was a lot of googling and taking other people’s code and trying to figure out what it did and how it did it to write my own code. Now I’m still better at debugging and rewriting code than I am starting from scratch, but I’m good at figuring out how to do something. My recommendations are to find people working on similar things as you and work through their code and bounce ideas off each other to figure out the best way of doing something. I also recommend R for Dummies. It just has a wealth of information on how to do all kinds of things and is a great place to start when you are trying to figure out if and how to do something in R. I’ll often use it to remind me of function syntax and also to give me a starting point in my googling.

    7. Lydza*

      For R-
      My old stats professor has several free, online text books which go though performing statistical analysis in R and have code available to be copied and re-purposed. The 570L textbook is the intro to R class, which gives good background about data management and manipulation in R!

    8. Emi.*

      For R, I would work your way through Hadley Wickham’s “R for Data Science,” which is available here: http://r4ds.had.co.nz/ and has lots of examples. There’s a section on string manipulation, as well as a lot that probably won’t be relevant to you, but I definitely recommend that you read the sections on the pipe (18) and on projects (8) because they make everything better.

    9. govt_drone*

      I taught myself Python after working in SAS for a few years. I started out trying to translate the things I did in SAS to Python, but the most helpful thing I did was learn some basic CS. I took a free class on EdX titled something like “Foundations of CS for Data Analysis” and it changed by life. Once I understood how the different types of data behaved within Python it was easier to go from copying someone elses code and changing the variable names to figuring out how to make things or read an article and then apply it to my work.

    10. Jadelyn*

      I start with existing scripts/programs/whatever and tweak pieces of it, one at a time, to see what changes. That’s how I taught myself HTML back in the day, and VBA. A combination of messing with stuff other people already made, and some creative googling, will get you farther than you think. Stackoverflow is your friend.

    11. I Love JavaScript*

      For Python, I’m fond of “How to Think Like a Computer Scientist” and “Dive Into Python”–both are available for free online. I’d start with the first if you’re generally unfamiliar with programming concepts, but you can do the latter if you’re already familiar with another language.

      Python is really fun! It’s pretty strict about some things that I’m not used to (I never use it for my day job), so I sometimes screw up whitespace rules or something else that’ll cause a syntax error, but it’s clean and easy to read, which makes it great for beginners.

    12. R head*

      Two things that have helped me improve in R:

      Paying close attention to package and (especially) function documentation. So many of my errors, early on, were from passing the wrong type of object to a function argument (e.g., a vector when it wanted a list). Also, sometimes the default options have unexpected results. Now I rely much more heavily on the “help” and, well, it helps…

      You may be doing this already, but automating repeated tasks as much as possible, even when it slows you down. That might look like custom functions, apply/lapply/sapply, or a custom function inside of apply/lapply/sapply. Doing this with lots of simple operations helped me build the skills for much more complex ones.

      Bonus: things got so much easier when I really understood the differences between object types (vector, list, matrix, data frame…). I don’t know why this took me so long, but again, so many of my errors were the result of object type confusion.

      1. Electron Wisperer*

        One thing that beginners often fail to appreciate is the usefulness of a version control system, pick one, use it, you will wonder how you lived without it.

        SVN & GIT are the two popular choices at present, both have windows versions nicely wrapped in a pretty GUI to hide most of the command line reality (They both originate in the Unix world).

        Version control is not optional on a non trivial project!

  29. Dopameanie*

    1.) The care of and best practices for cast iron pans
    2.) apologizing thoroughly without accepting blame
    3.) holding and defending strong opinions for fun and no profit.

    Let’s do this!!

    1. LizB*

      1) If you cook something in your cast iron pan that’s kind of saucy/soupy, how do you clean it out afterwards? Do you just mop up the extra with paper towels, or do you wash it out with water (no soap!) and dry thoroughly + oil afterwards? Or do you just not use those pans for things with sauce components?

      1. Reba*

        I actually use soap! I know that’s considered a no-no. But the oil in your seasoned pan is not just regular old oil sitting on the surface. If it were, wiping would also remove a lot of it! It is polymerized and pretty durable. So I get good results with gentle detergent and gentle scrub sponging.

        My nan’s 70-year-old skillet is in the oven reseasoning as we speak!

        1. Spelliste*

          You’re right on! Don’t-wash is a total myth. Just oil ’em up after and toss ’em on the stove on high for a few minutes to dry moisture and polymerize a little more oil on the surface.

        2. Anion*

          Yep, I do that, too. I rinse well with *very* hot water, then a little soap wash, then a thin coat of clean oil. The seasoning on my pans and griddle is rock-solid.

          1. Windchime*

            Yep, same here. I always wash (sometimes scrub). If I have to do a really hard scrub, then I’ll stick them in the oven on 400 for awhile to re-season. But usually I just wash with soap, rinse and dry well, and then coat the inside with a very lightly oiled paper towel. They are basically non-stick at this point and since I started using cast iron a couple of years ago, I don’t use any other frying pan now.

      2. Lora*

        wipe as much of the sauce out with paper towels or a damp-not-wet washcloth, and if there’s bits sticking to it, put a bunch of salt in the pan and scrub it around to get it to come clean. Then rinse quickly and dry right away.

        1. J.*

          Agreed. Coarse kosher salt has cleaned my cast iron grill pan better than anything else I’ve tried!

      4. Mike C.*

        If the coating is good a little soap isn’t bad for it, but I also like to boil water in the pan to loosen anything stuck.

      5. Dopameanie*

        So, part of this answer depends on how well seasoned your pan is. If it is not shinyshiny black, or still pretty new, or still recovering from that one time you forgot you left the burner on (coughcough) you’ll need to be pretty delicate.
        The way I like to do it is wipe out the majority of the sauce with a paper towel, then re-heat with cheap oil and scrape the bottom with a metal spatula, or my handy dandy chainmail scrubber (worth every penny, look on amazon, $12).

    2. Adele*

      My sister gave my nephew a Lodge pre-seasoned cast iron frying pan. Nephew, in med school at the time, didn’t see it as a useful item to keep in his small kitchen, so put it outside in the garden where, of course, it rusted. I took it when I visited him and just put away planning to rehabilitate it. Now he is getting married and, ha, on the gift registry is a cast iron frying pan. His other aunts and I bought a full set of Calphalon for the wedding gift but I thought I would give him this for the couple’s shower. (I hate the idea of wedding showers and usually decline to go, but my sister would be hurt if I don’t.) I have about three weeks to get this thing in shape. If I recall, it is rusty but not pitted.

      1. Reba*

        Rust you can probably wash off. I had good results just using sandpaper on my old cast iron where it was really gnarly, then reseasoning. However, that is on an old, old pan which has a very smooth surface compared to the modern Lodge pieces.

        I think that is a hilarious plan and I hope your nephew gets a kick out of it.

      3. Mike C.*

        Brillo pad or even sandpaper if it’s really bad.

        You can have a decent seasoning with pretty much any oil n a few hours, or if you want to go hog wild spend a weekend applying coats of linseed oil, heating up the pan in an oven for an hour (400 degrees), letting it cool down and repeating 4-6 times.

      4. Dopameanie*

        Got any power tools? You can use a power sander and grit pads. Use goggles, and stay in a well-ventilated area. That said: it’s super fun.

      5. Ali G*

        If it’s really rusted, just take a Brillo (no soap, just steel wool) to it and scrape it all off. You need to reseason it anyway, so don’t worry about taking any of the seasoning off.
        I had a similar situation when I accidentally stored my carbon steel griddle in the basement after a move. Took it out of storage and it was totally rusted.
        I scoured the entire surface, switching back from steel wool and lemon & salt scrub, then cranked the heat up on the grill outside (so as to not smoke out the house). I oiled the entire thing and baked it in grill for about an hour until it was slick like glass. You can do the same thing with cast iron.

      6. J.*

        I’ve had good luck with Barkeeper’s Friend getting the rust off cast iron. It doesn’t take quite as much elbow grease as a straight brillo pad.

    3. Avyncentia*

      Apologizing without accepting blame…that’s impressive. Do you have any go-to phrases?

      1. Dopameanie*

        For customers complaining about something a vendor isn’t doing: I’m so sorry they are not holding up their end of the deal. You have to be so frustrated! I’m angry on your behalf, and I’m not even the one getting screwed! Etc
        For customers complaining about something ridiculous, like they left their paper outside overnight, and they are angry it is wet: I’m so sorry this is happening to you! How awful that you have to deal with this.
        For husbands: I’m sorry you feel that way. What do you think would have been the correct response so that we don’t end up in this conversation again?

        The key is usually commiserating, and NAMING SPECIFICALLY the result of the problem. Example: they are complaining about the rain. But they are not mad about water falling from the sky. They are mad about having muddy boots.

        1. Avyncentia*

          Thanks for the tips! The idea of naming the result of the problem sounds especially effective–that probably helps people who know they’re angry but haven’t really thought through why.

          1. Dopameanie*

            In my line of work it’s more that they can feel HEARD, like someone really and truly cares that what they are dealing with sucks. My customer base does a lot of grunt work for people who take them for granted, and showing an appreciation for it, and showing I understand how their life is harder because of XYZ thing that I may have personally screwed up goes a long way toward fixing it.

    4. sparty*

      You can rinse with water, when needing to scrub stuff out, pour in a good amount of kosher salt and little amount of water to form a natural scrubber. Once scrubbed and rinsed, warm up over low for a minute or two, add some cheap oil and rub it in.

      1. Dopameanie*

        It is a labor of love. For a recent example of my deeply unimportant work, check out this past Saturday’s open thread on this website. Search for my name and you’ll see a rollicking debate on shallots (my position: NO)

  30. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

    Oh man, stuff I’m good at… (besides lurking the comment section on AAM, I think we’re all pros at that one!)

    Professionally speaking, I’ve got a lot of background on the guts of how the credit card industry operates, and I’m currently in investing, so I’ve got close-hand knowledge of those. According to my bosses I’m very good with upset clients?

    Honestly, I would say my real talent is making words and language do what I want them to.

    1. SophieChotek*

      Is it true that it can work against your credit to always pay your credit card off? Or that credit card companies hate it when you do that? Or is that just a “legend”?

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        It doesn’t work against your credit per se, but if you pay the credit card before you receive the bill, then as far as reporting goes you’re just getting a $0 statement and it doesn’t do much of anything positive for you. For best results, pay your bill in full after it has been issued.

        Of course credit card companies hate it when you do that — it means they’re not making any money off of you! And if you’ve got decent rewards/cashback/etc, you’re actually costing them money. But that’s offset by the folks who wind up paying interest through the nose for years on end.

        1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          And I should add — paying off your card in full every month doesn’t hurt you from getting additional credit. Sure, you’re not a moneymaker the way someone carrying a balance constantly is, but you’re also at a way, WAY low risk of defaulting, and that’s really the bigger concern when credit scores are concerned.

        2. Natalie*

          They still make some money off you, since they collect the merchant fees on your purchases! Just not as much.

            1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

              To clarify: If you have a Visa or MasterCard, then you’re not getting those cards directly from Visa/MasterCard, and when you call fraud services or customer service, you’re talking to the issuing bank, not the card association directly. So for example I have an Amazon Visa card, and it’s issued and supported by Chase. If I have to call in a fraudulent charge, I’m talking to Chase Bank, not Visa. Discover & AmEx are not bankcards, and everything goes directly through them.

              Businesses have their own processor, which can be either a bank’s merchant services department or non-bank payment processor. (I worked at a non-bank merchant processor previous to getting into investing.)

      2. Frank Doyle*

        I don’t have inside info, but I have a really high credit score (above 800) and I’ve never carried a balance, I don’t think, in my whole life. *Maybe* I did when I was younger, in college? But not in at least 18 years. I definitely USE them regularly, which I think is important, but I don’t think you need to pay interest in order to build your credit score.

        1. Anonymous Pterodactyl*

          So, the other thing with credit cards specifically is that their balances don’t track with your score month to month. Their contribution is just “current balance vs limit” and “payment history”. In other words, if your score is calculated with your credit card balance being, say, $500, with no late payments, it’s no higher or lower than based on whether your balance last month was $500, or $5000, or $0. Prior month balances aren’t factored in on an ongoing basis.

    2. Becky*

      Credit card question:
      Why are credit card interest rates so high? They were high when the prime interest rate was held at its lowest point in 30 years for 7 solid years and they’re still high with the incremental advances in the prime rate.
      Secondary to this: My credit score is generally in the 750-780 range which is usually considered “Very Good” is it possible to leverage this to get lower credit card interest rates? How?

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        Long story short, because they can. It’s the downside to the free market: if everyone’s doing it, no one has much incentive to stop doing it. Obama made some (imo, very needed) attempts to rein in consumer credit card shenanigans, but there’s still plenty of shenanigan territory to go around.

        At a certain point with your credit score it starts paying diminishing returns in terms of the APR you’ll be offered, but you’ll start to see more compensations in terms of things like cash back and other financial rewards. With some clever playing you can end up with your card company basically paying you to use their product.

      2. Anna*

        FYI, other countries do limit what interest banks can charge on debt. It’s a tradeoff between consumer protection and business interests.

    3. catlover18*

      Wow! Handy, I’ve actually been thinking about a particular question for a few weeks… At what point should you cut up old cards you don’t?? Or should you always keep them?

      2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        Cut them up when you don’t intend to use them for a little while. But unless you’re significantly concerned about having too much credit available to you, keep the account open. You can always get a new card within a few days if needed, and having available, unused credit is good for your score. I would never close a credit card unless you no longer want to do any kind of business with the card issuer.

        1. catlover18*

          Thanks!! That’s what I was leaning toward, but appreciate another opinion. The hubs and I have old cards from before we were married that I’ve either cut up or are lying in our file box.

          1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

            Good plan. And keep in mind that cutting up a card is a pretty empty exercise on a practical level; it’s not a bad idea to do it as a rule for any card you don’t use regularly, simply because that reduces your risk of actually losing it somewhere someone else can find it. Getting a new card issued for an existing account is a really trivial matter.

    4. T3k*

      What are some good ways to get knowledge about investing? It’s something I’ve been wanting to do since college but I’ve never had enough money to do it but now I’ve found myself in a situation where I have some pocket change to throw at it but don’t know where to even begin.

      1. Positive Reframer*

        I have found the Stock Series on JL Collin’s blog to be extremely helpful in figuring out all the basics about investing, especially retirement. He wrote them with his just entering adulthood daughter in mind and the language he uses is pretty accessible and easy to build on. And he’s not trying to sell you anything.

        1. Positive Reframer*

          If you prefer it in book form he recently released The Simple Path to Wealth which is just an edited version of his blog.

      2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        Honestly? I would start with studying the stuff you need to become a stockbroker. The FINRA series 7 materials will give you a lot of knowledge about how things work and what recognized strategies look like with minimal attempts to sell you on a specific product or strategy. There’s also a heavy emphasis in the study materials on suitability, because that’s a major ethical issue for investment advisors.

        Once you’ve got that basic investment literacy down, then reading into different analyses and philosophies of How To Wall Street becomes more meaningful and you have more tools to evaluate the advice you’re seeing. Unfortunately, even the people who are well-intentioned can easily fall prey to either hype or survivorship bias, and it’s hard to tell who’s trying to sell you something from someone who’s just being really enthusiastic.

    5. Chalupa Batman*

      Do you know anything about how secured cards work? We’ve finally got mine in the range we want after a long recovery period from Young and Dumb, but Mr. Batman’s is still pretty bad but stable-no big recent negative strikes, but nothing positive for several years either. We don’t know anything about how secured cards work-is it just a way to improve approval odds, or are there other differences? Does the security amount work like a credit, or is it lost like a fee?

      2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        Secured cards can work a couple different ways with regard to whether you can ultimately recover the security deposit or not, but for the most part, it’s non-refundable; all it does is secure the lender against loss if you default on a maxed-out card.

        If you can get a non-secured credit card, even for a low limit or a ruinous APR, you’re probably better off doing that rather than going the secured route, but secured is better than nothing, and (at the cost of the deposit) will get you on a path to eventually getting a non-secured credit card, which is the best way to make quick, big changes to your credit. Secured cards have a much smaller impact on your credit score, so you will be working with them a long time if you use them as the primary means to get the score up.

        If your credit is in a good place and Mr. Batman’s isn’t, and if you trust him, you might do better to go in together on a small, co-signed card.

      3. Positive Reframer*

        From the one’s I’ve seen, the secured amount usually is the amount of your line of credit (although there are some where it is a percentage of your credit limit). Essentially it is collateral, you do still have to make your payment every month. If you do pay on time and all that most of them say that they will increase your credit limit after 6 months or so or refund the money or some combination thereof.

        As far as I can tell if they have to use your initial funds then it can still count against you on your credit score but I really don’t know for certain on that.

        1. Arjay*

          I’m not saying this is the right way to do it, but I started out many, many years ago with a secured card with a $300 deposit/limit. I’m pretty sure I got my money back when I later closed the account. I used the secured card to get a JCPenney card (you had to have a “major” credit card to qualify for the store card), and after a little while of making small purchases and paying them off each month, I was able to get a real Visa card.

    6. Sci Fi IT Girl*

      How do you get one of those recurring subscription charges off your card? It is a subscription service style plan for an online service and I no longer remember the password to that account. When I call the credit card they refer me to the company. The phone # refers me online, which means, I need to know my account log in and there you go. It is a generally reputable company except for this part – like it is impossible to cancel. I tried to work with them via email and that got me nowhere (basically a rep telling me I have to log in, etc. The lost password does not work because the email address I used is no longer active). The only thing I can think of is to ask for a new credit card number and transfer everything else over and let this charge then get rejected.

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        At this point, you have attempted to contact the merchant and they haven’t been properly responsive. Once you tell them you want to cancel a charge — even if the merchant tells you they can’t accept the way you gave notice — under most card schemes you are in the clear to dispute any continuing transactions as a cancelled subscription, which is a trivially easy dispute for the card issuer to win. I would reach back out to your card issuer and explicitly tell them that the merchant has refused to accept your cancellation and is continuing to charge you without authorization. That should be enough to get them to dispute the charges on your behalf.

        There’s a good chance they’re going to issue you a new card number anyway, just out of an abundance of caution. That’s always a pain in the butt.

  31. atexit*

    PC tech support
    specializing in Dells but have experience with HP, Lenovo
    installing Windows, etc
    problems with Windows, etc

    1. paul*

      what’s the different in supporting the different brands of PCs? I’d have figured if they were all Windows it’d be pretty similar.

      Also; when I import photos (Windows 10, importing from a Canon Rebel) I used to be given the option to delete photos on the camera after importing, automatically. That went away and now I have to manually select them for deletion. Changed last week as far as I can tell, although I hadn’t tried to import photos for a while. Is there a way to get that back? I had to manually select 100+ photos to delete and it sucked.

    2. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

      What is a good way to determine *exactly* what is slowing down your computer? My main problem is that I often end up with a high disk queue length? I don’t want to just shove memory in it if that won’t make a significant difference. Is there a way to tell if a specific process is doing a significant amount of I/O? I know I can see it in the performance monitor but sometimes it is only for a moment or two. I have looked into the performance logging but that doesn’t seem to provide much information – but I also may not be using it right.

      My computer is running Windows 10. Unfortunately, it is my home computer and I am at work so I can’t give you specifics at this point in time.

      I have tried defragmenting, running spyware, malware software, etc. but without much luck.

      The fact is I do have a cheap computer and there may not be much that can be done.

      Thanks!

      1. Samiratou*

        Have you looked at the Resource Monitor that you access from the Performance Tab from the task manager? That provides at least a bit more information that might be helpful.

        1. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

          Thanks Samiratou. I have looked into it and it does provide me with some info. However, I am still not sure if just adding memory would help and I can’t find a way to see what exactly is causing some of the slowdowns. I really would like some sort of logging information.

    3. Kimberlee, no longer Esq.*

      Oooh. So, my computer is several years old (probably around 5?) and my partner built it. We recently replaced the power supply because it sort of blew up a little (flash, sparks, smell of ozone in the room for the rest of the day).

      Shortly after we replaced it, my computer started doing this thing sometimes where it completely locks up. Completely. No movement, no cursor movement, ctrl+alt+del does nothing, alt+tab does nothing, alt+f4 does nothing. I have to hold the power button down to shut down, but even that doesn’t work until the _second_ time I do it, which I did not think was possible.

      Any ideas?

    4. Not So NewReader*

      I have almost one year old Leveno ideapad 310. It randomly reboots without me doing anything.

      I ran the hardware test on the Lenovo website, it passed with flying colors.
      I gave it to my computer guy and he checked it for every virus/bug/whatever that he knew of. NO problems.
      I bought a cooling pad to put under it.

      I have been trying to figure out what is in common each time it closes up. Two or three times it has shut down at start up. At least six times it has shut down when it had a scheduled update. There are other times it has shut down and I wondered if it is just doing too much (similar to the update scenario but it doesn’t do an update).

      Any clues?

  32. ThatGirl*

    I work in a customer service-adjacent role at a well-known baking and decorating supply company. (You may be able to figure out which one.) I’m happy to answer questions about social media/digital outreach in customer service, baking and decorating tips, product questions, etc.

    1. ThatGirl*

      (I am also a professional writer and editor so I can answer language, grammar and style questions too!)

    2. TheCupcakeCounter*

      Are they going to come out with a larger selection of grease-proof cupcake liners? They have such a huge variety of the regular kind but the color fades/runs, etc…and they just don’t work for a wedding when they want red velvet in white with black polka dots to look like white with black polka dots after baking (not pink with black polka dots). I have found a few other brands that work but they are hard to find, twice as expensive, and have no where near the color and style selection of “big name”.

      1. ThatGirl*

        I don’t know of any plans to expand the foil-lined variety right now, though we do have 25 different colors, by my count, which is almost as many as the plain paper. I know it’s not an ideal solution but you could use the silver foil and a different one as an exterior liner.

        (PS I love the damask ones for weddings, they’re not polka dots but very elegant… we also have black and white foil with rainbow dots.)

      2. Poppy Weasel*

        There aren’t a ton of colors out yet, but have you tried Wilton’s Color Cups? I lurrrrve them because they do not fade at all.

        2. TheCupcakeCounter*

          I have and like them a lot but can’t find a good variety of colors. Plus I have noticed that the foil lined one to separate a bit after baking.

  33. Quickbeam*

    I’m an RN case manager with 30 years experience (15 of those in hospital care). If you are interested in nursing *or* you want to know how to transition to a nursing desk job, I can talk on both of those.

    1. The Original Flavored K*

      I am so interested in transitioning away from the finance end of things into direct patient care! One thing I’ve noticed is it looks like I’m going to have to specialize pretty early on — but while I’m 80% committed to doing one particular type of nursing, I’m not super sure I’m going to love it. Can you talk about what transitioning from one specialty to another is like?

      1. Quickbeam*

        Yes! I am a career change RN, started out after school in high risk pediatrics, ended up in Rehabilitation. I found career flow in nursing much easier than my prior career. In general you need a year of basic hospital nursing under your belt and then most specialty units will at least give you an interview. It REALLY helps if you are easy going about work hours; a lot of units always need off shift staff.

        1. Patsy Stone*

          +1 . I’m also a career change RPN in Canada, currently working on an inpatient acute medical unit, and also studying at university to become an RN. Although where I work isn’t my desired specialty, the knowledge and skills and experience I’ve gotten on this unit are invaluable. Your first year of direct patient care will be about solidifying your time management skills and becoming comfortable working as a nurse. After that first year, then you can start looking at other units or specialties.

        2. The Original Flavored K*

          I’m considering specializing in obstetrics/gynecology, with a target of getting into a kind of care that, uh, is risky for clinical staff. Have you known any nurses who have transitioned away from that into hospital care? Would the most natural way to transition away be to join a hospital’s L&D or MATCH team?

          1. Quickbeam*

            L&D can be challenging to break into; most nurses tend to stay in it so not much mobility. My L&D friends say they love it since it is more well care than sick person care. If you can get a toe hold into an L&D unit (at least in the US) that will be your best door to a career in a specialty in OB/GYN.

            Fun fact: in my OB rotation as a student I was in 9 live births, all boys, one I caught myself as the MD was playing golf. “A little help in here…”.

            1. The Original Flavored K*

              That is awesome! Gotta love it when the MD isn’t even around…

              Thanks for the head’s up about L&D. I figured it’d be the best bet for transferring away from my probably dangerous career path if I burned out or, IDK, somebody shot up a clinic again (my goal is to work with Planned Parenthood and other women’s health clinics, at least for a while), but since people tend not to move…

              1. Quickbeam*

                L&D tends to be far more stable than other areas. And smaller units. But since babies will always be born, there tend to be units at every smaller community hospital. If you can crosstrain in neonates, it improves your marketability, so I’m told.

    2. July*

      I’m interested in health care administration and would love to know what administrators can do to retain quality nurses and CNAs. I’ve seen some great facilities that appear to be well-run but still have a lot of turnover. What’s the missing piece?

      1. Quickbeam*

        Nurses tend to be nomads. I had one career job in my former profession and as an nurse, I’ve had….10 jobs over 30 years? They go where the conditions are good. What that means is reliable scheduling, no floating to units they are unskilled at, no calls to the house on their days off begging them to come in. Work life balance is pretty new to nursing. Any facility that shows respect for schedule and supportive of educational goals is going to retain staff.

      2. I am procrastinating currently*

        The hospital I recently left (as a healthcare worker, not as an RN) seemed great from the outside, but internally the financial side of things were undergoing some significant changes in the last year I was there. The way that things went down was hard to watch.

        Turnover started first in the lab from (per rumors) low salary. As staff numbers dwindled, patient lab draws became sporadic until I was told one day that no lab draws were to be performed that day unless they were ordered as “stat” or “emergent.” That’s a big no-no.

        The solution that administration came to was to have RNs draw the labs instead to relieve some of the pressure. Unfortunately, they neglected to remove any of the other (many) tasks that RNs had to perform daily, which in turn started leading to high RN turnover. Not surprisingly, patient care started really declining from all of this. I also treated at least one RN for moderate-to-severe anxiety brought on solely by all of this.

        I’m just glad I’m no longer at that hospital.

        1. Quickbeam*

          Absolutely true…with so many mergers and take overs of hospitals (at least in the US), a place you love can turn into a place you hate very quickly. I have a friend who survived 5 mergers until she finally quit. And as to the expanded duties, I’ve worked places where yes, the RN staff was suddenly doing all lab draws and respiratory tx….you burn out quickly.

        2. Anxa*

          I’m wondering if something else was going on, because that lab workers tend to be used to being underpaid (compared to other healthcare workers) until something changes at work.

    3. the muse*

      I’m currently taking prereqs to apply to nursing school (BSN or MSN) and currently work in a science field with a good job. Am I crazy to be considering a career change? (I’ve always wanted to work in healthcare and am afraid I might be romanticizing it…) What are the drawbacks to nursing? If you could do it again, would you? Any general advice?

      1. Quickbeam*

        NOT crazy! I was 31 with a well established career when I went back to school for my BSN. Its very common now. Yes I would do it again. A few things to think about:
        1. I went from a very male profession (I’m a woman) that was salaried to an hourly one that was almost all female. It was weird getting used to punching a time clock as well as the cultural shift
        2. I had worked my way through school for my first degree as a nursing assistant. I was used to body fluids, poop, etc all around me. Most people are not. The real world of nursing is often smelly and dirty. It helps to remember there are real people behind the disgusting parts. That got me through.
        3. Shift work: I loved nights so I was in demand. However, 12 hour shift, not so much. Also, every night when I went in it was knowing I could be forced to do a double shift. One reason I transitioned to a case manager role was that I found I only really had 8 hours in me. My recommendation is to get a shift and stick with it; I think people are healthier not playing with their sleep rhythms.
        4. Sleep, holidays and weekends: things you can take for granted. I worked 10 Christmas days in a row. Almost every weekend. Had to be aggressive to protect my sleep. It can be a challenge if you ahve a demanding family who things being home =available.
        5. Career flexibility: in 30 years I have had a ton of jobs. Right now I am a case manager in a straight M-F role. There is an amazing amount of career choice out there. As to the MSN vs BSN, I make more money than my MSN friends and I just couldn’t see spending the money for no great pay gain. However if you want to prescribe, an MSN is the way to go. There is decent demand.

    4. Librarygal30*

      This would be better for a friend of mine; is there any way to connect off site, so she can pick your brain?

    1. Salesforce Admin*

      Favorite place you’ve been? I’m throwing around the idea of just going someplace, by myself, for my 30th.

      1. RG2*

        Oh man, that’s so hard to answer. Give me a continent?

        My quick answer would be Mexico City. Now that Uber is an option, it’s really easy to get around without speaking Spanish, it’s not too expensive and an easy flight from a lot of the US, the food is great, the museums are incredible, the architecture is interesting, etc.

      2. LeRainDrop*

        Lisbon, Portugal! I lived there for six weeks on my own (mid-thirties female), and I absolutely loved it! The scenery is gorgeous — beaches, river, hills, gardens, unique neighborhoods, varied architecture, etc. The city is built on seven hills, so there are tons of gorgeous picturesque views. Public transportation is widespread and easy to use. By a very short train ride, you can get to lovely beaches, the historic and resort-like city of Cascais, and the fairy-tale-like city of Sintra with numerous palaces and castles. Nearly everyone speaks a good amount of English there, as you will find many European tourists who use English as their common language for communication. In my experience, costs were fairly comparable to what I find in mid-to-large-size US cities. I frequently walked along the river, just to take in the beauty, feel the sun, and get fresh air. I would go back in a heartbeat.

        2. Snargulfuss*

          I’m planning to go to Portugal this summer. It will be my second solo trip. I had a fabulous time in Spain on my own last summer!

      3. Emily S.*

        Italy is my favorite. I especially like the smaller towns, such as hillside villages around Umbria — small towns are beautiful and also cheaper than the big cities. That said, I really adored Rome and Milan. Florence is also wonderful — great food all over Italy, the food is amazing, and the museums/art is amazing!

        1. LeRainDrop*

          I agree, Italy is one of my favorite countries that I’ve visited, with so many excellent cities, hillside, and coastal areas. Don’t forget Venice!

      4. Daria Grace*

        Singapore is brilliant. It has amazing food, great historical and cutting edge architecture, high quality museums and galleries and more forest/nature than you’d expect from a country so small. It’s easy to get around and very very safe. Between living there and various trips back I’ve spent about 7 months there and never had any safety issues even when out alone very late at night. Times when I had health issues I was quickly able to get cheap medical care

    2. Elizabeth*

      Oh, I would love to here any and all advice you’ve got! I love to travel, but have no one to go with. I want to just bite the bullet and travel Europe for my 32nd next year.

      1. RG2*

        I think that sounds awesome. Here’s my general advice to make it fun:
        – Think about the types of things you enjoy doing solo and build that into your trip (for me, that’s museums, food adventures, and hiking – safety allowing). Don’t assume you’ll suddenly enjoy things in another setting that you don’t currently like.
        – Plan your trip around the assumption that you won’t randomly make new friends and don’t rely on that for it to be fun. You might, which is great, but also you might not!
        – Talk to friends/relatives/coworkers etc to ask if they have friends in the places you’re going who might be willing to show you around their favorite neighborhood/meet you for a drink or meal/etc. Plan those meet-ups for earlier in your stay so you can get your bearings.
        – Consider ways to build more social interaction into the trip like hiring a local guide for a walking tour, taking a local cooking class, etc. Paying for a guided museum tour can also be really worth it, especially if you’re in a place where all the captions are in another language!

        How to be safe:
        – DO YOUR RESEARCH (this is the most important thing. I’ve traveled to a lot of places that many people from the US wouldn’t consider going, and the answer is always thorough research to understand what’s safe). Get a good sense of typical tourist scams, areas that are/aren’t safe in the day and at night, and also specific risks for women. I also find it useful to know tipping conventions, whether I’m expected to haggle, etc.
        – Figure out what you have to do to blend in as much as possible. Do women in that country not wear shorts? Leave them at home. Do they not walk alone at night? Take cabs. Do women drink alone in bars? If not, I wouldn’t recommend it. In some places, you’ll stand out no matter what, but do your best to be unremarkable.
        – Be willing to pay a little more to feel safe. Take a cab if you aren’t sure about the neighborhood (but make sure you’re in a country where it’s ok to hail one on the street if you’re going to do that). If you’re staying at a backpackers, consider a private room. Trust your instincts.
        – Be wary of (male) strangers who want to be your friend. I’ve talked to a lot of friends who think it isn’t fair that men can make friends while traveling with more abandon than women, but that’s life.
        – Have a plan if things go wrong. Make sure you have a photocopy of your passport and visa page stored separately from your passport and keep an electronic copy in an email account you can access. Have a way to access cash if your wallet gets stolen (i.e. keep a credit card or cash in another pocket, etc).

        1. LeRainDrop*

          These are all excellent tips! A couple financial ones that I would add:
          – Using credit cards is somewhat less common in Europe than the US. You will find some stores and restaurants that do not accept foreign cards, so do be prepared to always carry some basic amount of cash with you. I would recommend keeping most of your cash locked away where you’re staying, and only bring with you the amount you’d estimate you actually need for the day plus a little bit extra and your ATM card just in case.
          – Consider whether you already have a credit card with no foreign transaction fees or if you want to get one before you travel there.
          – Does your bank reimburse you for foreign ATM transactions? Odds are that ATM’s will be the most economical way for you to get Euros, usually a much better rate than the exchange counters in the airport. That said, if you don’t already have some Euros in cash when you arrive, I would at least exchange some small amount in the airport just to cover things like taxi, first meal, and tips, until you can get to a safe ATM outside of the airport.
          – The better ATMs are usually the ones inside of banks or a vestibule, rather than the ones directly on the street — not because of the machines themselves, but rather because they leave you less exposed to people walking by on the street.

          1. RG2*

            All important points! Also NEVER let anyone help you at an ATM, even if they seem nice. If you can’t figure it out, find a bank where a teller will help you.

            I always make sure, even if I’m winging it, that I know what I’m going to do when I land to get to where I’m staying. Sometimes that means I need local cash before I land, sometimes that means I need to change a small amount at the airport (even if it’s a terrible rate), sometimes I can use an ATM when I land, or the airpot taxis take credit cards, or I’m planning to call an Uber (which means I need local cell service, and so on). I always research those options so that I’m not jetlagged, tired, and confused right at the start.

      2. Anon now*

        If you’re a social person traveling alone, I highly recommend staying in hostels (even if you get a private room). You are highly likely to meet others traveling alone in the common areas of hostels.

    4. KatieKate*

      Oh! I’d love to do this but I am 1) scared for all of the obvious reasons and 2) I really enjoy travelling with other people. How do I get over 1 and 2? I’m not great at making friends on the road and obvious social stuff (going out to pubs) is not my cup of tea.

      1. Ashley*

        Depending on finances there are small tour groups you can do for more exoctic places where solo travel is unsafe / not practical. OAT has an option to match you with a roommate. Most people who do these tours in my experience tend to be older. (They have the time and money.)

      2. Lady Russell's Turban*

        I am a woman who has been travelling solo around the world for 40 years. I don’t have the scared gene so can’t help there but a couple nice things for solo travelers are city walking tours (there are also Segway tours now) and local cuisine cooking classes. You get to interact with others without the pressure to be “social.”

      3. RG2*

        See my response to Elizabeth for general advice :) The best way to deal with the fear is to do you research. Make informed decisions about risks. Don’t do things you wouldn’t do in your home city/country, etc.

        1. LeRainDrop*

          I totally agree about this. I feel much more confident walking around alone when I know where I’m going and what metro lines/stops to take before I actually head out on the street. I’d still keep a map in my bag or pulled up on my phone as back-up — the app maps.me is excellent for this, especially so that it looks like you’re just checking your phone, not necessarily a map. Walking with confidence and appearing to know what you’re doing can help you to blend in better as either a local or an expat, even if you are still seeing tourist sights.

      4. Snargulfuss*

        I took my first solo trip last summer and LOVED it! (Yes, there are some cons to traveling solo but overall it was a great experience). I’m also an introvert who doesn’t drink, so I went with the expectation that I’d be largely on my own, not that I’d go and find a bunch of new friends to hang out with. Great advice has already been given, but here are a few more thoughts:

        1. Act like you know what you’re doing. Walk with purpose, don’t pull out a map or guidebook unless you’re in a discreet place, be observant, learn at least few words of the local language, etc. If you do your best to look like you are a familiar with a place you’ll hopefully avoid the scams and dangers that come from people who like to prey on susceptible tourists.

        2. I second the suggestion to join in on guided tours or city walks. I don’t like the idea of a package tour, but I did enjoy the sociability of joining in on few group activities. I even met a woman on a historic walk in one city that I arranged to meet up with again about a week later in another city. I never would have done that had I not been traveling alone!

        3. Consider staying in nice hostels. I was afraid of being the old woman in a hostel full of drunk, partying 20-somethings, but I actually liked my hostel experiences better than I liked my hotel experiences. Many hostels have private rooms, and if you sit yourself down in a common area to plan or write in your journal or eat, you’re likely to have a conversation with an interesting person. I had a great time having tea in the common area with a 60-year-old woman from France and a 20-something student from Brazil last summer.

        1. RG2*

          Definitely seconding all of these, but particularly #1. If you look like someone who is confused or lost or easily taken advantage of, you’re more likely to be a target. I always try to memorize my route/the general map of a neighborhood, if I can. Also, if you get lost or do need help, ask a woman, if at all possible.

      5. Laura*

        Stay in a hostel dorm room. Just by being polite and saying hi to the person sleeping above, below, or across from you you’ll end up meeting people. No guarantees that they’ll become your friend, but they’ll often want to do the same touristy stuff that you want to do and will be happy to have company.

        Regarding being scared, make your first solo trip short (1-2 weeks max) and somewhere easy where you speak the language. It might even just be a long weekend in a city a short flight away from you. Stay in a hostel and get to know what that’s like. Talking to travelers in your hostel will give you a sense of the types of trips people take to help you understand what you might want to do and where you might want to go.

    5. LizB*

      Any thoughts on how safe/advisable it is to travel solo while female in Barcelona? That’s my dream vacation but I don’t know if my SO will want to come with.

      Also, favorite destinations in the US for solo travel?

      1. RG2*

        I’ve never been to Barcelona, so I’d recommend specifically doing research on that, but I do know mugging/hotel room robberies in Barcelona can be a problem. The big thing I do in places where that’s an issue is have stuff I can hand over without totally ruining my life (carrying two wallets, keeping cab fare in multiple pockets, keeping my passport and drivers license in separate places, dividing my credit cards between my bag and the hotel safe, etc. You can also carry a small amount of cash in your bra).

      2. Tiff*

        I went to Spain by myself during my study abroad (11 years ago) and spent several days in Barcelona alone…. and I did silly things, like have a little too much to drink and whatnot. I think the main thing would be to not get drunk, so that you can keep your bearings easily and find your way around. In the old section of the city, it can get a little hard to navigate the old streets. Also, La Rambla is prime area for pickpockets and the like, so just be really aware of your surroundings and heed the previously mentioned tips for keep your money/IDs safe.

      3. Snargulfuss*

        I was in Barcelona last summer and loved, loved, loved it! I’m fairly well traveled and Barcelona is hands down my favorite city I’ve visited. I felt completely safe. That’s not to say that you can be totally cavalier about your safety, but if you use the same amount of precaution and being observant as you would in any larger US city, you’ll be fine. It’s a pretty cosmopolitan city with expats from all over the world, so I don’t feel like I stood out too much (that being said, I’m of European ancestry, so I probably blended in a little more than someone of Asian or African decent might).

      4. Olive Hornby*

        I lived in Barcelona for a bit as a single woman and found it super safe–enough so that I felt comfortable letting my 60-year-old mother who speaks no Spanish or Catalan tourist around by herself while I was working. Pickpocketing is an issue, so you may want to keep your passport/an extra credit card at your hotel, but the violent crime rate is very low compared to American cities. There have been big independence protests recently–they’re very peaceful, but you’ll want to check the news because they may affect your sightseeing plans.

      5. Meg.*

        I went to Barcelona (and 4 other cities) 1.5 years ago with my best (female) friend. I felt safe (we went out late at night when we were there, lots of dinners out and dancing late one night). As a tip, you can’t flag taxi’s down on the street so keep an eye out for taxi stands or have your hotel call you a cab. Watch out for pick pocketers, and people selling stuff on the street. We didn’t have any issues for the 5 days we were there.

    6. Super stressed*

      Oooh! Do you have a favorite place to travel to in the US? I’d really like to go to New Orleans, but I think this is particularly scary to go to alone. How about Toronto or Quebec? What’s your recommendation for a combination of safe/fun?

      1. RG2*

        I actually haven’t done much solo traveling in the US, to be honest. I’ve been to New Orleans and, while I don’t think it’s unsafe in and of itself, a lot of the things that make it fun (like the nightlife) aren’t really fun alone.

        I’d think about where there are things that would be fun to do by yourself! For me, that would mean focusing on places that I can get around easily (either cheap cabs or public transit), have good solo activities (for me, museums, food adventures, hiking, things like that).

        1. The New Wanderer*

          I haven’t traveled solo to New Orleans but there are a lot of really fun things away from the French Quarter if bar-crawling isn’t your thing. Museums, paddle boat rides, walking tours, trolley tours, walking around the campuses (Loyola’s is nice). Ghost tours are pretty popular in the evenings, you can see more of the area at night with a group.

      2. Emily S.*

        New England is really wonderful. I once did a trip starting with several days in Maine, which I loved (mainly focused on Portland but venturing north some as well), then took a trip down to Boston for several more days. Boston’s such a great city, and historic too. One of the better vacations of my life.

        That said, I also once had an amazing vacation where I spent several days in San Francisco (which I absolutely loved – can’t wait to go back sometime), then took the train (Amtrak Coast Starlight) to Los Angeles, where I stayed with friends and a relative for several more days. That was possibly my favorite domestic vacation ever. It was early October, still warm enough in LA to go to the beach at Paradise Cove (Malibu) for a day toward the end of my trip. California is just so beautiful – I liked it way more than I thought I would.

        Re: Canada: I really loved Toronto – amazing, world-class city, on par with NYC really (different but so fun, so much to do). Haven’t been to Quebec, but I really want to visit Montreal at some point!

      1. RG2*

        Definitely. I’m a classic extrovert and I get kind of weird if I don’t get enough social interaction. I don’t do super long trips anymore for that reason and I’ve gotten better about seeing if any of my friends know people in the places I’m going. I try to be more deliberate about building in social interaction (hiring a museum guide I can ask questions of, taking a cooking class, etc). I also make sure I’ve got plenty of good books I can read in cafes.

        But sometimes loneliness isn’t so bad. I can’t really think how to describe this, but I’m very social in my normal life, so it can be kind of nice to just be a little lonely, as a break.

      2. Emily S.*

        On long solo trips, even super-introverted folks like me can get lonely. I’ll typically just chat with a friend by text or phone for a while, and then feel better. I really like being alone, though, so it’s rarely an issue.

        1. LeRainDrop*

          Same for me, Emily. When I’m out of the country for awhile, I either get an international plan from my cell phone carrier or, better yet, a local SIM card. I’ve found lots of public wi-fi availability in international cities. I can use texts, WhatsApp, Facebook messaging, and Skype to keep in touch in writing or even phone or video chat.

      3. Snargulfuss*

        I chronicled a lot of my trip using Instastories (that’s what the snapchat-like feature on Instagram is called, right)? Friends back home would comment and I could comment back. It made a surprising difference in feeling like I was sharing my trip with people I knew.

      4. whingedrinking*

        If you stay in hostels, you generally will not have trouble meeting people. On the contrary, you may find yourself having to firmly remove yourself from people who don’t see why you can’t drink at the pub until three AM when you have to catch a train at six.

    8. Annie Moose*

      So, I’m not super sociable (especially with people I don’t know) and I don’t drink. If I travel on my own, what sort of evening activities would you suggest? I usually travel with my sister and we’ll go for a walk together or hang out in our hotel room, but on my own I worry I’d be bored (and depending on where I am, I might not be comfortable going for a late-night walk by myself).

      Secondary question… how do you decide where to go??? I really want to start traveling on my own, but I don’t have any specific destinations in mind and I’m not sure how to narrow it down.

      1. RG2*

        I hear you. I do drink, but not alone, so I have a similar issue. What about concerts or other performances? I really love to go to dance performances, particularly if they’re in a style I’ve never seen. In places where it’s hot at night, I’ll try to go sit somewhere with a balcony or outdoor space where I can people watch with an iced tea or ice cream or something. And sometimes it’s ok to just take yourself to a movie :)

        The second question is the hardest! It’s usually a balance of how much time I have/whether there’s a flight deal/if I have a reason to go somewhere. I’d just start keeping a list of things you want to do and take it from there :)

      2. BF*

        I have gone to theater and the ballet in other countries. One of my favorite memories of Paris was an evening mass at Notre Dame.

      3. Laura*

        I barely drink (on average about 1 drink a month) and have spent a lot of time traveling alone (15 month round-the-world backpacking trip plus many, many other 1-4 week trips over a 12 year period). Plus now I travel a lot for work, much of it alone. In total I’ve traveled to 61 countries, the vast majority on my own.

        Sometimes I’ll take myself out for a nice dinner in the evening and linger over a book, sometimes I’ll hang out in my hotel room and watch a movie. If it’s a place with theater or cultural performances, I like to get a ticket. I tend to be an early to bed, early riser sort of person, especially when dealing with jet lag. I am fairly sociable, so I will seek out friends of friends or message people via couchsurfing to meet up for dinner, but that might not be your cup of tea.

        To decide where, first consider what time of year you want to go and where has good weather then. Next I would consider what kind of trip I want – beaches, hiking, city/museums, etc. which will help narrow it down a bit. Then next, the price of plane tickets plus hotels/hostels compared to my budget also helps narrow it down.

    9. Positive Reframer*

      I would love to go to Morocco, mainly for the art and architecture, but I’m not sure its the best place to cut my teeth on as far as international solo travel goes. Any ideas for places with similar features (i.e. Moorish architecture) that might be more stretching my comfort zone? I like to explore alone (like I’ve never been the type to enjoy shopping trips with other people I like to be able to look what I want to look at for as long as I want to look at it lol)

      1. Just Jess*

        Ahh! Not even a week ago I decided to do a Lisbon and Marrakech trip next year. Now I see references to traveling to those places all the time. It’s like that thing where you buy a cool sweater and start seeing the same pattern everywhere.

        But I don’t want to travel solo. Does anyone have suggestions on finding new travel buddies? I’ve got a year to build to the point where I’d feel comfortable sharing an Airbnb with some new travel buddies.

      2. LeRainDrop*

        I really enjoyed my trip to Morocco about 9 years ago. That said, I was glad that my brother traveled with me, especially when we got lost in the twisty turns of the medina and it was after dark. I’m usually comfortable traveling alone or just chatting with other folks I encounter, but that Morocco trip I did feel better having a companion. I would note that southern Spain and areas of Portugal also have a strong Moorish influence, so you can see a lot of that architecture there.

      3. RG2*

        I’m going to be honest. I’ve been in a lot of places that people think are “unsafe” for women/Americans and I’ve never felt as unsafe or has as unpleasant an experience existing in public while female as I did in Marrakech. It’s not that you can’t go, but I would definitely not make it your first trip, and I’d recommend doing it with a friend if you’re not really into solo travel (which is not a recommendation I normally make).

        But if you love Moorish architecture, the Alhambra in Granada is incredible and Granada is a really fun city.

  35. Xarcady*

    What’s the best way to learn InDesign? Not knowing this is holding me back from applying for a lot of jobs. Is a semester- community college course the way to go? A two or three day workshop? Finding a tutor?

    1. Bekx*

      Does your library provide free access to Lynda.com? That’s what I would recommend.

      I learned InDesign in High School in Journalism class. If you’re pretty good with picking up software, InDesign is very intuitive. The best thing to do is download a trial and see if you can access Lynda.com or even YouTube videos, depending on how you learn. College courses MAY be helpful, but the ones I took in college I felt like I knew more than the professor.

      The best way to learn for me was to practice. After you get the basics down, if you can volunteer anywhere and make flyers for people that would be helpful.

    2. Queller of Chaos*

      I taught myself InDesign by Googling stuff I wanted to do, then doing the tutorials I found. I did a lot of mini projects like making my own Ebooks, my own magazines, my own proposal documents, etc. I wouldn’t say I’m an expert, but I’m better than the intern we had who had an actual InDesign class, so I must be doing something right. Side note: It’s annoying that a lot of the shortcuts that work through other Adobe products are different in InDesign.

      1. Goya de la Mancha*

        Ditto on the googling stuff.

        I took an “Intermediate InDesign” class through our local Community College as I had some experience in it. Turns out I was too “advanced” for that class – all from google, a random InDesign library book, and playing around.

    3. MechanicalPencil*

      tl;dr: It depends on your learning style.

      I’m self taught, and I just forced the issue while enrolled in a completely unrelated class. Any project that came up that could have been done in Word I did in ID. We were given a VERY brief overview on how ID works, but most of it was trial and error, some Google sleuthing, and just diving in. Having an actual assignment to force me to create a finished product really helped. Since then (many moons ago), I’ve learned much better ways of accomplishing the same things just by, again, trial and error. Or a coworker will point something out. Or Adobe made something intuitive instead of needing 3 steps.

    4. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

      Personally? I love the Adobe Classroom in a Book series, and it’s how I taught myself Photoshop back in the day.

    5. PMS666*

      So I studied design in college, and we didn’t actually learn how to use the software in any of our design classes. We were given assignments, a basic run-down of the tools, and used classroom time to figure things out as we went. It’s hard to keep up a course curriculum based on software when that software is constantly changing.

      All that said, online tutorials like Lynda and even youtube should be good. Give yourself projects to do (they don’t have to be awesome and groundbreaking, it could be as simple as redesigning your favorite restaurant’s menu or personal stationery), and before you even launch InDesign, sketch everything out on paper and come up with a plan. You shouldn’t be figuring out where to place the headline or where to align the text at this point – you should be figuring out where in the menu is the character box or the swatches palette.

      I’ve been working in this field for 10 years now and even now I still Google how to do things, so don’t get discouraged if you can’t learn it all in a weekend!

    6. Agent of the Nine*

      I always learn best by having a real project to work on. Even if it’s just a fake poster for your cat’s birthday party or brochure listing the pros and cons of string cheese (there are only pros). The process of needing something you don’t know how to do and then looking up how to do it is really instructive; vs just have a big blank page that is so intimidating.

  36. Google Hangouts Q?*

    How on earth do I get the sound to work on Google Hangouts? Seriously, the settings don’t work for me. I can hear everything fine on my mic and speaker / jack, but not in Google Hangouts. I’ve tried the drivers, other computers, nothing is working. I have no idea how to fix this. I am often in 3 hours calls where I just have to listen and talk for maybe 3 minutes, and holding a phone is torture to me. I’m also deaf and headphones are an option on this 80s phone that my work insists on. I don’t want to use my own phone for these calls either or buy anything to use on my own phone. I want to sit at my desk and just listen while working so i’d really like to figure this out with my computer jack It has to be a setting that is blocking sound and i have no idea how to figure it out. i’m sicking of googling this, and IT can’t figure it out either.

    1. Kelley*

      We used google hangouts for video calls at work for a few years and just switched to spark. Usually in settings there is an option to choose which microphone you’re using. Are you on a laptop and docked into a monitor? You can also try undocking.

    2. Too much jewelry*

      I have had this problem so many times! If you’re using Chrome, sometimes you need to clear out the ‘allow hangouts to use my mic’ setting and restart chrome, then when it pops up and asks you again, click allow. To clear it out, go into settings, then advanced settings, then under privacy choose content settings. There you can choose sound, microphone, or camera, whichever you’re having trouble with. Click one of those and it will show you a list of sites that have been allowed or blocked. Remove hangouts from those lists (probably just allowed, but it might be blocked) and restart chrome. When you go back into hangouts it will ask you permission to use whatever you just took off the allowed list. Click ‘allow’ and you should be good to go!

    3. Lana*

      I actually just had this issue! No idea if this is what’s happening on your end, but there was a little microphone icon in the far right of the webpage address bar, and I had to click that and give Hangouts my permission to use the microphone. I also had to ensure the actual round button on the video screen wasn’t muted. I maybe had to refresh the page afterwards?

    4. Emmie*

      Any one use a google hangouts or facetime like platform for multiple people? I cannot find one, and would like to video chat for personal use with 2-3 people at a time.

      1. zora*

        join.me has free webmeeting/video conferencing. Video with up to 3 people is free, but for more than that you have to upgrade to paid. And it’s pretty user friendly.

      2. attie*

        Google Hangouts? I’ve only used it once, but it was with 3 people at the same time. I don’t know what its limits are but it should cover your situation.

        Discord apparently also allows video chats with up to 9 people.

    5. Many Emails*

      I’ve had this problem multiple times. Spent hours changing settings on microphones, installing & deleting Chrome extensions, etc. I don’t think there’s a single solution, and even if there were, then Chrome or Windows would change something that would disrupt the settings again. For me, there seemed to be a conflict between the Hangouts that comes within your gmail (or the G-Suite package) and the Google Hangouts you install separately as an app/extension. Also, check your Add-ons/extensions. There’s another setting somewhere that says something like “allow a program to commandeer complete control” of your microphone as apposed to allowing whatever program you’re using at the time to use your microphone. Basically, it’s hit and miss, just restart your computer a bunch of times and eventually one of the settings will take hold. Or switch to Skype or Whatsapp.

  37. Lady Jay*

    I love screencasts! Ask away! Screencasts are awesome and everybody should use them! I’m also good with instructional design and assessment.

    You could also ask me about TS. Eliot’s poetry, but my guess is there’s much less of a market for that here. :)

      1. Lady Jay*

        Right now I’m in love with Screencastify, which is a Google app. I create screencasts directly from my browser; they save to Google Drive; and I can easily upload them to YouTube for sharing outside of my organization (people not in the group). It’s free for 50 vids/month, up to 10 min/video, and so far, I haven’t needed to upgrade. If you do upgrade, it’s $2/month, which is one of the cheapest out there.

        I used Jing for a long while before that, which is free and is run through Camtasia. It was great, but I don’t think it’s supported any longer.

        Snagit is nice if you want to be able to edit videos, though it needs to be purchased.

        A lot of people use Screencast-o-matic, though I had trouble with it giving my computer a virus once and don’t use it any longer. Obvs YMMV.

        I’ll post a link to a helpful blog post on this in a comment.

            1. Lady Jay*

              Sorry, I haven’t! If you’re interested, I’d say experiment – I love trying out new programs!

              1. lab tech*

                Thanks–I’ve been working on some lectures with it. It’s promising, but the editing tools available seem to change depending on what device I’m using, which is bizarre and frustrating.
                Screencast-o-matic was going to be my next experiment, but in the meantime I’ve been using VoiceThread which is…not a screencast program. Maybe I’ll look at screencastify first. Thanks for the recommendation.

      1. Lady Jay*

        I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

        I wrote a master’s thesis on the Four Quartets and though I’ve barelyused it professionally, sneaking it into a class or two that I teach from time to time, I am still utterly in love with the beauty and hope of those poems (as well as all the cool linguistic stuff).

    4. KatieKate*

      Oh I was just having an angry discussion about Prufrock finally making sense to me now that I’m in my mid 20s. I nearly failed my modern British lit class in uni because of Elliot…

    5. Tomato Frog*

      What is going on in the second half of Whispers of Immortality? Who’s Grishkin? Why are we suddenly on about her? What’s a maisonette and what’s it got to say to anything?

      This has been bothering me for about fifteen years. Any help would be appreciated.

      1. Lady Jay*

        Well. That was an interesting read. “Whispers of Immortality” was not an Eliot poem I was familiar with! I am now, thank you. My take: Eliot in the 1910s (this poem was published 1919) is a bleak and critical poet; the second half of “Whispers” criticizes Grishkin’s explicit sexuality but also acknowledges that without sexuality and enjoyment of the body, we are unmoored and unsatisfied.

        Piece by piece:
        Grishkin is nice: her Russian eye
        Is underlined for emphasis;
        Uncorseted, her friendly bust
        Gives promise of pneumatic bliss.

        Grishkin is a fictional character, of course; the Russian eye could refer to her nationality or perhaps to her makeup, especially in light of the fact that the eye is “underlined for emphasis.” I picture a dark cat-eye look here. She’s “unconsorted” with a “friendly bust,” so she seems to be cheerfully making her wares (so to speak) available to the masculine observer, who would like to “woo” her (read “pneumatic bliss” as something more intimate than those tubes at the bank.)

        The couched Brazilian jaguar
        Compels the scampering marmoset
        With subtle effluence of cat;
        Grishkin has a maisonnette

        The jaguar is a dangerous and yet beautiful creature; Eliot writes that it “compels,” meaning, I think, attracts, the monkey through its scent (the “subtle efflunce of cat.”) In other words, the jaguar is attractive even to animals that it could *kill and eat* because of its scent. Grishkin is compared loosely to the jaguar, in that the speaker adds a note on her living conditions here; she has a small apartment to invite men to. Cross-reference the “typist home at teatime” in ‘The Waste Land,” who is visited by a “young man carbuncular” for intimate purposes; the difference is that the young man in “The Waste Land” pressures the woman, while here it is Grishkin doing the pressuring.

        The sleek Brazilian jaguar
        Does not in its arboreal gloom
        Distil so rank a feline smell
        As Grishkin in a drawing-room.

        The descriptive imagery around Grishkin is mixed. On the one hand, she’s strong and beautiful and sensual, all uncorseted and friendly bust; yet here the cat small is “rank,” suggesting that the speaker is simultaneously attracted to her and repelled by her. Given the repeated jaguar comparison, I’d say that her tendency to come onto the young man is what unnerves him.

        And even the Abstract Entities
        Circumambulate her charm;
        But our lot crawls between dry ribs
        To keep our metaphysics warm.

        I take “abstract entities” to be philosophy, broadly; perhaps more specifically, Plato’s Forms? In any case, the non-physical “circumambulates her charm,” or is attracted to it, much the way that a male cat might circle a female cat it found attractive. Philosophy bows to sensuality.

        The speaker rejects this, preferring “dry ribs,” but that’s not satisfactory, either. The ribs are “dry”, meaning lifeless; they’re not able to “keep his metaphysics warm” – his philosophy, divorced from her sensuality, is unfulfilling and without life or meaning.

        So Grishkin takes on a double, mixed meaning: at once seductress, unnerving and even dangerous; and necessary to fulfillment.

        Eliot is not identical to the speaker, of course; there’s no indication that the views of this poem *are* Eliot’s. But women in the first half of Eliot’s poetry receive very mixed representation, likely in part because Eliot was very unhappy with his first wife (they had very different goals in life and were incompatible; she also had mental health issues.)

        Eliot was much happier with his second wife, and in his later poetry, especially post-conversion poetry such as the Four Quartets, women hold a more unambiguously positive role. Eliot relies on Lady Julian of Norwich for some of the poetry of Four Quartets: All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

        I hope this clears things up, but feel free to ask if you have more questions! This was fun.

        1. Tomato Frog*

          Aaaaah thank you. That’s a lovely and thorough analysis and clears up a lot for me. I’m so glad you mentioned this area of your expertise!

          When I first encountered the poem (it’s a favorite of my dad’s), I assumed Grishkin was a real person. I mean, everyone else named in the poem is! I figured she wrote sexy novels or was a famous mistress or something and that people in Eliot’s day would’ve recognized her name immediately. So I was flummoxed when I first Googled her and found nothing. I had assumed that I had the key to the poem, just waiting for me to turn it, but when I finally did, it was a dead end! So I always felt like I was missing something — and I definitely was, but perhaps less than I thought.

  38. Junior Dev*

    I’m moderately knowledgeable about programming, and web development in particular. I do some game development for fun on the side, and I’m hardly an expert but I can point folks in tbe right direction.

    I also have worked in educational roles around programming and have many opinions on how tech people ought to communicate with each other and the wider world.

    1. Jane Dawn*

      Hey! So I’ve been learning web dev with an eye for a future career there, but I’d like to eventually learn game programming as a hobby. Which one is better to learn first, or does it matter? I’ll be starting school for web dev soon so there’s no rush to learn it for career purposes, right now it’s just for fun.

      1. Junior Dev*

        It doesn’t matter, you won’t ruin anything by learning things in a certain order. And once you learn programming in one language, context, or framework, there are a lot of skills that transfer to whatever you do next.

        I have been working with Unity and C# for game development. Do you have a preferred engine?

        1. Jane Dawn*

          Thanks! I don’t have a preferred engine; I want to get started with Ren’py. Not sure if that’s considered an engine.

    2. epilo*

      I’m trying to finagle my experience into a career, or at least full-time work, in web design/development. People don’t tend to believe me when I say I do both – I think of myself as a front-end developer, but I’m largely self-taught. I guess my question is, what would you consider to be the required proficiencies to be an effective front-end web developer?

      1. Junior Dev*

        Do you have a GitHub? Do you have a profile site (can be your GitHub.io page)? Make a really impressive looking portfolio for yourself that shows off both your design skills and has clean, easy to read code. You can ask for a code review on Stack Exchange’s review site or Reddit.

        1. epilo*

          I do have a portfolio site, although it is more focused on design (mostly because I have what may be an irrational terror of letting people see my code). Most of my coding experience is html and css (some jquery and javascript, php more rarely). Is that the kind of thing you’d see in a front-end dev portfolio, or should I just stick with design for now?

          1. Junior Dev*

            If you to get hired for development people will want to look at your code. What specifically makes you nervous?

            1. epilo*

              I’ve never liked having people look at how I did something, even in math class. That’s my particular issue to struggle with, and I probably need to stop hoping people will hire me based on how what I built works vs needing to see how I built it. I do understand why people will want to see my code – I’ve just worked alone on 90% of the code I’ve written, so I’m paranoid that it’s actually terrible and inefficient (I always want to go back through it another time or two to clean it up but never seem to have the time or energy at the end of a project – gotta get better at that).

              1. Junior Dev*

                At the end of the day it’s like any other work product; you can’t get it perfect but you can follow certain best practices to make it reasonably better most of the time.

                For JavaScript I would recommend downloading a linter program (look up “JavaScript linter”) and running it on your code to check for common errors. For CSS, check out SMACSS for a general organizing philosophy. It might be worth learning Sass as well.

                I really encourage you to get someone to look at your code. If you want to prepare yourself for the process, look up pull requests for open source projects on GitHub and see what kinds of comments people have left on them, and see what you can learn and apply to your own code.

                Are there programming or design Meetups you can attend in your area?

                1. epilo*

                  Thank you for these suggestions! I really appreciate it.

                  There must be Meetups in the area (metropolitan area with lots and lots of colleges & good amount of tech) and I will begin to gently nudge myself in that direction.

          2. I Love JavaScript*

            For a front-end dev role, you’re going to be doing a lot in JavaScript. I’d get really good with it both in vanilla and modern frameworks. Some frameworks to check out and learn: React (first without Redux, then with Redux–no company uses it without Redux, but it’s its own beast to learn and conquer), AngularJS, Vue, and Ember. jQuery is almost never used in modern web development, unless you’re working on legacy code. And even then, you’re hopefully only ever ripping it out, not building something new. Also Backbone is still used in some legacy systems, but it’s also getting phased out (harder to work with, not as fast as the newer frameworks, etc.).

            I’d recommend getting a Front End Masters subscription–there are some great courses on there for both JS fundamentals (data structures, algorithms, ES6 syntax, etc.) and JS frameworks. I’m also fond of the Stephen Grider tutorials on Udemy for React and Redux.

            A solid design background will help you for sure, but your JavaScript code is what’ll make or break you in most interviews and tech screens. Things can’t just look pretty on the screen, they have to work well too.

            1. Lise*

              I’m always vaguely astonished when someone says no one uses JQuery any more. We certainly do at my job (front end dev for a Fortune 500 company) — but we also haven’t dove in on any frameworks yet, either, so it’s vanilla JS and JQuery or nothing at all.

              I suspect that what you write is true if you work for startups and small companies, but larger companies still lag behind. (And honestly, I’m fine with that. I have no desire to work on the frontier of dev. I’m waiting for the furore about front-end frameworks to die down and for one to come out on top). I think JQuery is still worth learning, if only because vanilla JS makes it so gosh darn complex to do basic tasks, like select by class name. And if you don’t have a framework, you need all the help for that you can get.

              (On the other hand, if you ever need JQuery you can learn everything you need from scanning the API, so it’s probably not worth investing a ton of time on).

              The basic concepts of JS, like it’s timey-wimeyness, its loose typing, etc, can be learned regardless of what libraries or frameworks you use. I worry that people read comments like yours and think that front-end dev is far more complex than it actually is. I know I was discouraged and kept away for a long time by just this sort of thinking, worried I could never find a job because I couldn’t or wouldn’t keep up with the latest bleeding edge technology.

    3. kristin*

      As a web developer myself, I would love to hear your thoughts on tech communication! I am very isolated from the wider tech world in my job (solo in-house developer for a smallish company) and so am fascinated by other people’s experiences.

      1. Junior Dev*

        The 101-level stuff is something a lot of tech people miss: you have to talk to people with respect, and recognize that part of the task of communication is meeting someone where they’re at.

        Some don’ts:

        * Don’t reply to a question with”RTFM” (Read the ****ing Manual), “lmgtfy” (let me Google that for you), or a link to the documentation with no further comment
        * Don’t tell people to stop doing a thing without acknowledging what they’re trying to do and pointing them in the right direction to figure it out
        * Don’t get invested in an identity of being “right” or “smart”, it makes people act like confrontational jerks

        How to do better is hard, but it involves empathy, assuming best intentions, and understanding that a lot of people have a lot of anxiety around tech and the best way to resolve that is to give them the tools they need to navigate things better.

    4. 2 Cents*

      So I was an idiot and never took a coding class / “how to build a website” class while in college. I am familiar with HTML in that I can view the source of a webpage and find what I’m looking for (Google tracking codes, etc.), but I have no idea how to start learning how to code. The end goal: finding a job where I can build WordPress sites all day and know what’s going on, know how to fix templates, etc. Any tips for getting started? I’ve thought maybe a community college course to get a start. (Apologies if this is an exceptionally broad question!)

      1. cleo*

        WordPress meetups and WordCamps are a fantastic resource, especially since you’re interested in working with WordPress. Look to see if there’s a local meetup in your area and see if you can attend a local or regional WordCamp (volunteer, community led conferences about WordPress – https://central.wordcamp.org/ )

        Because they’re volunteer led, the quality of the sessions can vary, but I’ve found the people involved in the WordPress community to be very welcoming and friendly and interested in helping anyone who wants to learn more.

      2. Junior Dev*

        Try taking an intro course online in web development. The tutorials on MDN (Mozilla Developer Network) are IMO the most accurate and up to date, but they don’t have the interactive features of a lot of sites like Codecademy.

        WordPress is built in the programming language PHP so it helps to know some of that; again, you can find intro PHP courses for free.

        The thing I see a lot of new folks get caught up on is databases and networking (in the sense of network connections); if you could find community college courses in those I think they would actually be more useful than your average intro CS course.

        Other than that, go to Meetups, and build lots of stuff in your free time, and get feedback on it whenever you can. And don’t spend money on anything related to this process (with the possible exception of CC courses, you’ll at least get credit for them) without giving it some thought and research.

  39. The Cosmic Avenger*

    I have a lot of experience in: front-end Drupal development, making web sites and files (PDFs and Word docs) accessible, and running and maintaining email lists and online communities.

    1. The Cosmic Avenger*

      Oh! Looking over other posts, I realized I forgot some non-work skills: I have done my own taxes and managed my own investments for many years, reading in detail on both (so, not professional advice, but good basic advice); I enjoy setting up my own home theater, and I have a Plex server, on which I’ve ripped every TV show I had on DVD…which was a lot! Now watching those shows is as easy as watching Netflix!

    2. Mimmy*

      Ooooh I’d be interested to hear more about making websites and documents accessible. Is it easy to learn? I’m going to an ADA conference in June, and that’s one of the workshop offerings. I was going to sign up for that, but decided against it because I’ve never created PDFs or websites. My Word skills are good but rusty.

      1. The Cosmic Avenger*

        Yes and no…the principle is pretty simple: code your document so that it’s meaning is clear when read aloud by screen reader technology. This depends a lot on the content, though, since obviously plain text is by definition accessible. The problem comes when we try to make it fancy, and then we have to put effort into making that fancy coding make sense if you can’t see it, like adding alt text to images and not using color alone to denote…well, anything. Where it gets complicated is that there isn’t universal agreement on the best methods to make certain things accessible.

        Word is kind of a pain, but the documents are usually more straightforward. Acrobat PDFs are often a lot more complex, but it has much better built-in tools for checking and even repairing accessibility issues, especially in Acrobat XI.

        If it’s an intro workshop, take it! They should be assuming zero experience or training on this.

    3. Emily, admin extraordinaire*

      Okay, I have a question about making files accessible. I’ve gotten pretty good at most things, but there’s one issue I can’t seem to figure out. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, when converting a Word file that uses automatically-numbered lists (both single-level and multi-level) to PDF, the number will be converted/read by Acrobat as a picture. So the 1. 2. 3. will show as three separate pictures (usually distorted pictures at that). And of course, the pictures don’t have alt text, because they’re not really pictures at all. Sometimes it’s only one level of a multi-level list that has this issue. I’ve usually been able to fix it by creating an entirely new style that is exactly the same in every way as the old one, reverting the text in question to Normal so the numbering disappears, then applying the new style, then re-exporting the file. It doesn’t always work, though, and I can’t seem to figure out why it happens in the first place. There’s no discernible difference between the styles that turns into pictures and the ones that don’t.

      Any insight?

      1. The Cosmic Avenger*

        I’ve never seen that…but, let’s take a look.

        I’ll assume, since you sound like you’re fairly skilled with Word, that it’s not an issue in the source document. But to be sure, use Shift-F1 to reveal the formatting of one that works, and one that doesn’t, and look for any detail that’s different.

        A similar way to investigate is to highlight the number, and use one of the left panels to investigate its coding. This is hard to describe, but if it’s a really short document it shouldn’t take you long at all to figure it out. Use the Content panel, or possibly the Tags panel (if the document is accessible). I am looking at one document now that has diamond shapes for bullets, but in the Content section, I can see that those are actually exclamation marks, probably in Wingdings or something. (This is not properly structured, obviously.)

        But, the conversion process itself is pretty tricky. I assume you have “ACROBAT” in the Word ribbon? Click on it and then click on “Preferences”. Make sure “Enable advanced tagging” is checked on the Settings tab. On the Bookmarks tab, “Convert Word Headings to Bookmarks” should be checked, but “Convert Word Styles to Bookmarks” should be UNchecked. Aside from headers, you really don’t need to be using styles for anything other than shortcuts for font weight or size or style, and Acrobat reads those as font features, not Styles.

    4. Library Land*

      I wish we would have had this about a year ago, I just spent 7 months trying to figure out how to create accessible PDFs from born-analog (scanned) items compliant with WCAG 2.0 AA. What a mess that was! My office dry erase board is full of really hard problems we’ve had specific to scanned items. I think we might turn it into a paper someday!

      1. The Cosmic Avenger*

        Scanned “documents” are EVIL! Seriously though, there’s no data behind them, they’re just images, so there’s no “there” there to remediate. You can try optical character recognition, but it’s really hit-or-miss, and maybe saves you a little time over having a skilled typist retype the whole damn thing. That’s usually going to be your best bet.

        Page-for-page, the only thing worse is a flowchart, because you have to describe in the alt text all the relationships between EVERY SINGLE item, and often the levels matter, too.

        1. Library Land*

          Yep. We do the OCR thing. Correcting every word of it. Abbyy FineReader seems to be the best option – which is funny that it’s the cheapest of the top 3 OCR-ing agents. It’s super time and labor intensive but when you’re told you have to do it, you have to do it!

          Luckily we haven’t run into any flow charts yet (here’s hoping we never, ever do)!

          1. The Cosmic Avenger*

            It’s pretty much “retype or rebuild the whole document”; either use optical character recognition to get 80-90% of the characters correct and you find and retype all the wrong ones, or you alt text the scanned image with the re-typed text of the entire page.

  40. Lady Register*

    Cancelling internet service without early termination fees (HughesNet Satellite specifically)

    – Call in frequently to create a record of slow speeds (they need to be delivering at least 60% of advertised speeds)
    – If you work from home or use a VPN, emphasize how the slow internet is keeping you from doing your job (this is *especially* true for VPNs which do not play well with satellite). I was told that I would be able to work from home using a VPN when in fact the best speeds I would be able to get were still under 5 mbps
    – Remain polite and continue asking for help to resolve the situation. Take names and confirmation numbers
    – Screenshot your speed tests using multiple online speed testing tools
    – Document early and often. Your best bet is to cancel within the first 30 days

      1. Lady Register*

        The 2 year contract and $400 early termination fee is just savage! The VPN comment seemed to be what really flipped it for my technical support guy because there was legitimately nothing he could do to increase my speed so he put on my record that I should be allowed to cancel since they couldn’t deliver. The sales guy still fought me for another 20 minutes but I insisted that he check the technical notes and speak to a manager and they let me out of the contract at no cost.

  41. MCL*

    Call for expertise: I am organizing a small professional conference (like 150-200 people) for next year. This is the second time it’s run, and one thing that people seem to want more of is ways to backchannel social opportunities and online discussions. There’s a Twitter hashtag, but are there other (cheap) online tools out there that help facilitate this? #beyondtwitter

    2. Gina*

      I’ve been to conferences where a simple LinkedIn or Facebook group for attendees was created and was a great place for discussions, questions, scheduling meetups, etc. Same with a Slack channel. I haven’t personally set up a Slack channel, but have set up FB & LI groups and they’re sooooooo easy. You could always survey the people attending and ask if they have a preferred channel?

    3. Zen*

      Consider running part of the conference in the Open Space style (lots of places you can learn more about this online). This takes the “hallway track” and puts it front and center. Participants propose and lead sessions, and break into small groups to discuss issues they care about, then reconvene and share summaries with the full audience. I’ve run a number of conferences this way (both in part or for the entire conference), and they have been very well received.

    4. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

      For informal social opportunities: don’t skimp on the coffee, organize adequate break times, and consider a cocktail mixer/social hour.

      1. MCL*

        Yes, there were breaks the first year with generous amounts of food, and there was a reception with a cash bar, but I got feedback that more social time would be welcome as well (from some people. Others seem to want less socialization, more sessions!). I’m planning to extend the break times to try and facilitate that. It really isn’t a big conference space, so last time I only had 15 minutes between sessions which is logistically enough time to grab a snack and get between rooms, but not enough time to have a conversation. It’s only a day and a half long conference, so trying to find those opportunities! I think I’ll also add an optional “unofficial” social thing the night before it begins.

  42. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

    As for looking for assistance — any good tailors/seamsters/etc here have advice on altering shirts to add princess seams? I’ve been on a kick of wanting to bring more buttoned shirts and blouses into my life (as well as a burning desire to expand my collection of flannel shirts, stereotype thy name is Boochie) but without princess seams this is an exercise in either popped buttons or hiding the Russian circus up in here.

    1. Murphy*

      TIL what princess seams were called.

      Even with them, I usually have to pin my buttondown shirts to keep them closed, which is why I hardly ever weear them.

    2. curly sue*

      /waves Hi! I’m a pro wardrobe person here and might be able to help. Are you talking about running a new seam / dart through the shoulder seam, or the armhole of the shirts in question? Both are probably going to involve unstitching parts of the sleeve.

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        Honestly, whichever is easier — I’m not great with hands-on tasks, and I’ve had both types of seam work very well on my figure. I have sewn basic garments from scratch, but spending money to buy something nice and then alter it is intimidating.

        1. curly sue*

          Gotcha. Given your description of the issue downthread, running the seam up through the shoulder seam will do more to get rid of the poochyness above the bust. If they’re too big overall, are the sleeve seams drop-shoulder seams as well now? That’ll work in your favour.

          Here’s how I’d probably tackle it…

          1) Try on, measure, pinch and mark the chunk of fabric you want to take out in the seam and where it’s going to hit on the shoulder (pin out the dart, basically). You’ll need a second person for this part, because it’s almost impossible to do this fit on yourself. You’ll want to pin down over the bust point (the widest area of the bust, usually ~ the nipple) and then straight down to the hem to bring in the extra fullness under the bust.

          2) When you take it off, measure the darts you’ve pinned out and make them symmetrical — make sure they hit the shoulder seam at the same place, the hem in the same place on either side of centre front, and that they’re the same depth in the same places (ie, 2″ down from the shoulder seam, both darts are 1″ deep, etc.)

          If they’ve been pinned differently, average out the amounts. (So if one dart is 1.5″ deep and the other is 1″ deep at the same height, make both 1.25″)

          3) Unpick the sleeves from the body of the shirt to about halfway down the front and back from the shoulder seams.

          4) Unpick the shoulder seams to free the shirt fronts from the back. You don’t need to take out the collar! As long as the seam is open from the sleeve seam to about 1″ past the new dart, you’ll be fine.

          5) Double check your markings and pins, turn the darts to the wrong side, and baste. Try it on again here and check that your pinned darts still work and the fit is what you want. Adjust as necessary for a smooth line.

          6) Stitch the darts, press them well, pressing toward the centre front. If they’re bigger than 1″ deep you may want to cut the extra dart fabric away now and finish any edges (zig-zag stitch, serger, or stitch-and-pink the new raw edges). Clip any dramatic curves to make the seams lie flat.

          7) Once you’re happy with the princess seams, lie the shirt flat and re-pin the shoulder seams, beginning from the collar and going out toward the sleeve. You will have extra back fabric extending into the armhole. Baste and try it on, adjusting the amount of back fabric ease to be comfortable over your shoulderblades. (You’ll need a friend or a size-match dummy for this one, too.)

          8) Stitch and press shoulder seams, catching the darts.

          9) Re-pin sleeves following the original curve on the front, and making a new placement on the back. Baste.

          10) Fitting.

          11) Sew sleeves back on, press and finish. You’ll have extra back fabric hanging into the sleeve hole now, so trim and finish that edge too.

          Should be good? Have wine.

          1. curly sue*

            Oh, and depending on how big they are around the waist, you will probably want to look in to doing some basic waist darts on the back so that you don’t have a snug front with a loose drapey back.

        2. Snubble*

          I’d always recommend practicing on charity shop finds or worn-out garments first! Much easier to figure things out when you won’t ruin anything you needed to keep.
          To take in the waist of a men’s shirt for bust&waist shaping I’d start with darting the centre back. You can pull in the sides a good couple of inches with a long dart and the side seam will still look right.
          I don’t like re-working armholes because the sleeves never work out for me, so I’d look at running another vertical dart up each front first. It might not work out but if you’ve got a garment you’re happy to play with you can pin and re-pin until you find the right depth and end point, or until you conclude it’s not going to work.
          I’d probably avoid proper princess seams since you’d have to rework the armhole or side seams somehow and putting them back together from commerical garments is so hard to do, but if front darts don’t work out take a look at waistcoat patterns – sometimes they have the seam run right up to the shoulder, which seems like the easiest kind to convert into a pseudo-seam dart thing, or insert as a real seam if you don’t mind taking width out of the shoulder.

          Source: twelve inches of curve in fourteen inches of back!

    4. Catherine from Canada*

      I teach shirt making at my store. Why do you want to add princess seams? Are you thinking of taking a larger shirt and cutting it down? You might be better to start from scratch. I can recommend some patterns if you like.
      (A quick fix to front gaping is to add a button hole to the button band between the existing buttons, and then sew a button on the inside of the buttonhole band… or do the same with a snap fastener…)

      1. Catherine from Canada*

        PS I also teach jeans making so if anyone needs advice on how to make your jeans fit better I might be able to help.

      2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        I want to add princess seams because I really like the men’s-style button-up shirts, but off the rack even ones that are supposedly made for women are not made to cope with my ridiculously huge bust. (G cup….) so in order to accommodate that I’m basically buying shirts 2-3 sizes too large for the rest of me, and I just end up swimming in them.

        I’ve got a couple blouses with princess seams that fit fantastically, but they’re aging and it’s really difficult to find more like that off the rack.

        1. SCanonibrarian*

          This isn’t the suggestion you were asking for, but if one of your ‘loved nearly to death’ shirts could be offered up as a sacrificial victim, and you’re careful about picking it apart, then there’s your pattern right there. You can use it to either make new ones from scratch, or take your existing men’s shirts apart and re-cut the individual pieces to match the preferred shape. I did that with some of my husband’s clothes – he’s 6’6″ and has a freakishly long torso, but he’s skinny as a rail. So to fit in the shoulders and arms means it’s like a giant tent around the waist. It works great, but it is a little tedious.

          1. Not So NewReader*

            I did this with my husband’s “Andy Cap hat”. I very carefully took it apart and used those pieces as pattern pieces to make more. It worked outrageously well. It’s tedious but not hard.

        2. hollow exuviae*

          In case you haven’t considered this option already: you could seam-rip one of the shirts that are on their way out, and use it as pattern pieces to make an infinity of well-fitting shirts from scratch.

          1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

            I probably will once they get beyond repair. Right now I’m just eking every bit of life out of them I can.

        3. Quickbeam*

          OMG, I am a G too and I have always felt button down shirts are out of my reach. Even when I track down supposedly made for busty women shirts “spring is popping out all over”. Plus sizes are way too big in the neck, shoulder and sleeve. I wear men’s shirts a lot and do amateurish darts to try and get them less balloony. I absolutely feel your pain.

      3. Alexa*

        Catherine of Canada, do you have any tips for drafting sleeve patterns? I’ve been doing some major alterations to a couple dress shirts and jackets lately and get so frustrated by attaching the sleeves. I don’t have any shirts/jackets to copy their pattern, and since I’m not making from scratch, I’m even more limited. So far I’ve just been measuring the armscye on the garment after alterations and just guessing on how to curve that length on the sleeve. It’s trial and error to get the right look of the sleeve I want (not too pointy, not bunchy in the back.) Any resources for drafting sleeves or tips on what kinds of curves create different sleeve “silhouettes”?

    5. Too much jewelry*

      I don’t know about adding princess seams, but I will say that Duluth Trading Co has flannels and button downs that fit womens’ bodies very nicely. Specifically, the crosscut wicking flannel shirt has both princess seams and hidden buttons between buttons on the bust to prevent gaping. In non-flannel, the wrinklefighter shirt has bust darts and hidden buttons on the bust. My wife and I both love and wear Duluth shirts all the time.

    6. Ktelzbeth*

      Since this seems to be where the shirt people are hanging out, I’ll take any suggestions about how to get button up shirts to fit a woman with shoulders way too wide for her torso. I can get by in some of the Duluth Trading Co shirts mentioned above, but there’re not right if you actually look at where the shoulder transitions into sleeve if the size in the torso is close. My bust is a bit big to not consider it as well (32DD). Thank you!

  43. KHB*

    Not work-related, but I’m good at making tofu taste good. Happy to share methods if anyone is interested.

    1. Serin*

      I’m not the most critical audience in the world, since I’ll happily snack on plain cold raw tofu dipped in soy sauce, but I’d love any recipes or techniques you want to share.

        1. Mikasa*

          I would love the recipe for that. Is it spicy? I’m not good with spicy, but I’m sure I can just reduce it.

          2. Reba*

            It’s a very flexible recipe:

            2 tb soy sauce
            1 cup stock or broth (I use Better than Boullion and make it extra strong)
            1 ts sugar
            2 ts cornstarch stirred into 1/4 cup water (optional)
            3 tb vegetable oil
            2 cloves garlic, minced
            3 tb fermented black beans (or regular canned black beans, using a generous half can), lightly mashed with fork
            1 ts + chili paste (e.g. Lan Chi)
            2 or 3 blocks of tofu (we like to do 1 firm, 1 soft), cubed and pressed
            2 scallions, chopped
            1 tb fresh ginger, minced
            1/2 – 1 ts sesame oil

            Combine soy sauce, stock, and sugar. Set aside.
            Heat oil in large frying pan or wok over high heat. Add garlic, black beans, chili paste and stir fry 1 minute.
            Add tofu and stock mixture, reduce heat to medium and cook 2-3 minutes.
            Add scallion and ginger, and corn starch mixture if using. Stir together and cook until heated through.
            Stir in sesame oil just before serving over rice.

            1. Reba*

              OMG I forgot about peppercorns! I know you said you don’t want spice, but a great, if optional, part of this dish is Sezchuan or Kampot peppercorns! add a scant teaspoon of peppercorns (broken in mortar if desired) in with the tofu. These are not hot, but tingly, slightly mouth-numbing peppercorns. They are a flavor experience! Whole black pepper also pretty good.

    2. Rincat*

      What’s a quick, easy way to cook hard tofu? I always get hard tofu in my asian dishes but I’d like to cook it at home, and every time I’ve tried cooking tofu at home, it falls apart or gets burnt.

      1. KHB*

        “Hard tofu” is a new term to me (are you translating from another language, by any chance? In US English we have “firm” tofu, for example), so I’m not sure how to make it. My first question would be are you buying the right kind of tofu? There’s silken tofu (usually sold in shelf-stable packages here) and regular tofu (usually refrigerated). I highly recommend the latter over the former.

        1. Rincat*

          Hard tofu is the kind that has a somewhat crispy outer layer, that’s just what it’s always called at the asian restaurants I go to, so I’m not sure if it’s a legit cooking term or not. I think maybe it’s baked or fried?

          1. KHB*

            That sounds fried to me – a lot of restaurants deep-fry tofu because it’s fast and doesn’t take a lot of attention.

          2. Ethyl*

            Bring about 3 cups of water and 1 tbps of salt to a boil; I like to do this in a Pyrex 4-cup measuring cup. Add your cubed or sliced tofu and let soak for 15 mins or however long it takes you to prep the rest of your stuff. Then you can sautee or bake. That’ll give you that hard crispy outer coating :)

      2. Reba*

        Not the OP here but I really recommend baking tofu before putting it in saucey dishes! Use firm tofu, drain/squish between plates, cut into cubes or triangles or whatever, place on parchment paper or silpat (IMPORTANT) on baking sheet, go in at 350 for however long you have to give it, up to an hour.

        MUCH easier than frying.

      3. I love cooking*

        You can buy tofu in various firmness. Go for medium or firm. Don’t buy soft or silken – those will fall apart. Pat the surfaces dry with paper towel and use lots of oil. Don’t flip or move the tofu until you see a golden crust.

      1. KHB*

        Marinating tofu does next to nothing to it, in my experience – it baffles me that people keep trying to do that. To get the flavor into the tofu, you really want to apply the sauce and dry heat at the same time. I don’t grill, so I’m spitballing here, but maybe try basting the tofu while it’s on the grill?

        1. Mikasa*

          What do you mean by “apply the sauce and dry heat at the same time”? I really want to like tofu, but I hate its natural flavor. I use soft tofu because I feel like the taste is more mild. I agree that marinating doesn’t really work.

    6. KHB*

      For those who have asked, my two favorite methods:

      1. Cut tofu into 1/2 inch cubes. Heat wok with enough oil to cover the bottom. Add tofu. Cook, with frequent gentle stirring, until cubes are light golden brown. (If you’re starting with tofu that’s insufficiently firm, it will expel a lot of water early in the cooking process and look like it’s going to collapse into a mushy mess. This is OK – be patient and gentle, and all will be well.) Add sauce of your choosing (happy to elaborate on this later) and cook until all the liquid evaporates or is absorbed. You now have firm, flavorful tofu that will stand up to further stir-frying with vegetables, more sauce, or whatever you like.

      2. Cut tofu into 1/4 inch slices. Oil a baking sheet (use one that has a rim around the edge) and place tofu slices in a single layer. (Ideally, you want them to fill the whole area of the sheet with no gaps in between, but it’s OK if they don’t.) Pour sauce of your choosing over the top. Bake until all the liquid evaporates or is absorbed. (Very sorry not to give specific times/temperatures here, but all ovens and all tofu varieties are different.)

      Both of these methods achieve the same basic things: getting the water out (important for texture) while getting flavor in.

      1. The New Wanderer*

        I do the first version with drained extra firm or super firm tofu, it’s delicious! I add salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, and garlic powder while it’s frying and then a half to a full cup of chicken broth or other flavored broth after it’s browned a bit, then cook til the broth is just about gone. My kids used to eat the cubes straight for a snack and it’s great for adding to stir fry meals. If I’m making tofu for soup, I’ll skip cooking down the broth and just add all the broth at once with noodles and veggies.

    7. AnotherJill*

      Cut tofu into diamonds.

      Dry tofu diamonds very thoroughly.

      Coat lightly with cornstarch.

      Fry until golden. I use about 1/4 inch of oil and turn them over to get both sides.

      Drain and add to stir fries, noodle dishes, curries, etc.

  44. Elizabeth*

    Information Assurance Analyst here! Would be happy to answer any questions regarding vulnerability scanning or patch remediation.

    1. AnonMurphy*

      Agile, agile, agile! Kanban and scrum.
      Information security and Information Risk management. Boring but ask me how to spot phishing, how to tell how secure your data is in a given situation, etc.

  45. Odyssea*

    I know a lot about Disney Parks in the U.S. – feel free to ask about rides, FastPass, PhotoPass, dining plans, hotels, etc.!

    1. Meh*

      When does it make sense to use the dining plan? I’ve never done it and don’t quite understand the benefit (always just paid the regular prices for food).

      1. Odyssea*

        To be honest, it doesn’t make sense for most people to use the dining plan (the only time I used it was when it was free). Some people like it because it makes things “easier”, as your credits are stored on your Magic Band and you don’t have to worry about getting your wallet out. It also allows you to roll your food costs into your overall package, so you don’t have to worry about how much you are spending when you’re on the actual trip.

        It can be handy if you eat a lot of food or prefer high-end dishes (particularly seafood or steak), since it is one cost no matter what you order. I found that we ended up with way too much food, and my whole group had stomach issues by the end of the trip.

        Overall, I don’t recommend that people use it, both because of the quantity and the fact that you can actually lose money on the plan if you don’t optimize everything you order for the highest cost.

        1. ThatGirl*

          the one time my husband and I used it, we did the snack/quick-serve/sit-down per day and it was not only too much food but very unbalanced. I do not need dessert with every meal, sometimes one appetizer between us would’ve been nice, and it was just… not nearly as convenient. (It was included/free, but still. we haven’t done it since.)

        2. Juli G.*

          Character meals are another good use of credits. It does really depend on how you eat. I always thought we ate like the average Americans until I went on Disney planning sites! We apparently eat way more!

      2. Jessie the First (or second)*

        Oh! I can help there!

        So it is best if you: like to have your budget set and don’t want to pay extra; are going to be able to pay attention to the value you are getting for your credit – as opposed to just eating whatever is convenient; or go when there is the free dining plan offer.

        It is *generally* cheaper just to pay for your food out of pocket, because there are inexpensive (ish) ways to eat at Disney, and only certain restaurants/meals are financially worth it to be on the dining plan instead. But if you plan ahead and pay attention – by eating at certain places where the average cost per meal is high – then the dining plan is good. For example, using a Quick Service credit at Flame Tree BBQ in the Animal Kingdom and getting the ribs? GREAT use of the credit. Using the Quick Service credit for literally any breakfast option? Nope. you’re losing money there. So if you like the puzzle of figuring out bang for your buck, it’s great.

        Also, those times of year when Disney offers free dining plan – that can be great (often that’s late August into September). And again,if it isn’t so much about value as it is knowing the cost ahead of time, also good (as long as you pay enough attention that you don’t run out of credits before you run out of meals).

        Sorry for jumping in on this one, Odyssea. I love Disney planning. :-)

    2. Fiennes*

      When are the best times to go for 2 adults, no kids, who want to avoid overcrowding? We’ll be going to Orlando if that makes any difference.

      1. Odyssea*

        The trick with no kids is to avoid school holidays, which tend to be busiest. I’ve had good luck going in the middle of September, when kids are back in school, and early December, before kids go on break. The same can be said of late January and February. Anytime around Spring Break season and summer will have a lot more crowds.

      2. Poppy Weasel*

        I went for my birthday one year, which is September 11th, and the Magic Kingdom was EMPTY. We RAN through the queue at Space Mountain, got on the ride, got off, and RAN back through it again to get right back on. It was amazing.

    3. Julie*

      Silly question which I’m not sure is included in your expertice but are there merchandise for all Disney films? Because I’m a huge fan of Treasure Planet (2002) and would love if I would be able to buy something should I ever go.

      1. Odyssea*

        I have not seen any Treasure Planet merchandise in the parks (either WDW or DL). Unfortunately, the merchandise is skewed towards popularity, so while there’s plenty of Princesses, Pirates, Star Wars and Marvel, the less popular films don’t get much love.

        1. Julie*

          Thanks, I had a feeling about that but still held some hope. Still want to go to one of the parks one day :)

            1. Odyssea*

              I don’t have many specific tips – I’ve spent time in the parks alone, but I’ve never gone on a trip alone.

              The main ones would be take advantage of being a single rider – some rides have single rider lines, while on others you can often skip ahead a bit when they need to fill up a room or vehicle. Do be aware that on some rides they may want you to sit with people you don’t know. Depending on the ride, you can push back on that, but not always.

              You may want to bring something to do or read (can be physical or on a device) for long lines or waits for parades or fireworks, though you can often find social people who want to chat.

              If you’re staying all day, you can always send any purchases to the front of the park for pick-up. That’s handy for anyone, but when you’re alone, you don’t have someone else to carry your packages when you get tired!

              Overall, just enjoy the vibe you want – whether that’s racing from ride to ride, watching all the shows and parades or just chilling and watching everyone go by.

              1. Julie*

                Great idea to bring something to read, I didn’t think of the long waits *facepalm*
                That you can send purchases to the front for pick-up is brilliant. I didn’t know you could do that.
                Thank you so much for your advice!

              2. Red Reader*

                Mm, the only rides at WDW with single rider lines are Kali River Rapids and Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom and Test Track at Epcot, I think. They’re much more of a Universal thing.

                I go about 4 times a year, and at least two of those are solo. I definitely second the “have reading material” notion – one of my prep things is always to pick either a doorstopper of a book, or a series, to download to my phone for lines and buses. But otherwise, yeah, not a whole lot of distinction between going it solo and in a group.

                You might consider looking at some of the tours, though they do have an additional cost. They’re super neat though, or all the ones I’ve been on have been. Start small, Epcot has a 1-hour greenhouse tour called Behind the Seeds that’s $20, and Animal Kingdom has a 45 minute tour that gets you some behind-the-scenes look at their elephant group with a private zookeeper talk that I think is about the same price. If you want to dig in deeper, you can get more extensive tours that go up to 6-8 hours on various areas – I’ve done the two big ones at Epcot (one for each half of the park) and Keys to the Kingdom at Magic Kingdom.

      2. Tardigrade*

        Not the OP, but I found Disney (Orlando) severely lacking in certain merchandise. I think they focus on staples like the princesses and Mickey/Donald/Goofy and whatever films are high-grossing at the time, but I was out of luck on Mary Poppins and non-Jasmine Aladdin merchandise, for example.

        1. Odyssea*

          There has been a slight uptick in Mary Poppins merch, but that might be because of the sequel coming out at Christmas. There’s even a Dooney & Bourke handbag!

          1. Tardigrade*

            I didn’t know that. Awesome! It has been 2 years since I’ve been, so my info is for sure dated.

    4. ThatGirl*

      I’ve been to WDW 4 times now, but my husband has about 20 trips under his belt…

      What’s your favorite hotel? Park? :)

      1. Odyssea*

        My favorite WDW park is EPCOT, and my favorite hotel I’ve stayed at there is Animal Kingdom Lodge.

        1. ThatGirl*

          We haven’t stayed at AK yet, mostly because it seems so far away comparatively. We really like Boardwalk… easy access to Epcot!

    5. Namast'ay in Bed*

      Best park/plan if your spouse isn’t a big rides person? I went to Disney all the time when I was little and I’m an adrenaline junkie, but I also like the less intense rides and just love Disney in general, so plop me in any park and I’m happy. But my fiance has never been to Disney and doesn’t really like action-y rides, so I’m not sure what the best option would be for him.

      I haven’t been to Disney in years but I remember going with my parents back in the day – Dad was a fellow adrenaline junkie and Mom was a “might get motion sickness on the monorail” person – and I have a lot of memories of my dad and I running from ride to ride while my mom waited and held the bags. I know it wasn’t for everything all day but it’s enough that I don’t think that would be a fun trip for my fiance. Is there a way that I could plan a trip to Disney someday that we both could enjoy? My park knowledge is a little/lot out of date and I was always focused on the big rides so I could be way off in my assessment!

      1. Odyssea*

        At WDW, EPCOT and Animal Kingdom are both great in terms of not being super action-y. EPCOT has the World Showcase, which is 11 pavilions themed to different countries. Each has food, shopping and various cultural components, and they are staffed by people from those countries, so it’s fun to talk to them and learn something new. Future World does have a few action rides, but Spaceship Earth, Journey into Imagination, Living with the Land and the Seas with Nemo and Friends are all pretty tame and have an educational component.

        Animal Kingdom is really awesome and has lots of animals from Africa and Asia. In Africa, there is a safari ride to see many of the animals (it’s pretty low-key), and there are also walking trails where you can see animals. Pandora, the new Avatar themed land, has a boat ride that is pretty chill, and is worth a walk around just to look at.

        Magic Kingdom is where most of the rides are, but there are plenty to go on that aren’t thrill rides (Pirates, Haunted Mansion, Small World), and that’s where the major parades and fireworks are. Hollywood Studios right now is pretty much all thrill ride, but when Star Wars Land opens next year, there will be more ambiance if you’re into that.

        Hope this helps!

      2. Where's the Le-Toose?*

        Would your fiance go on any rides, or is it that he won’t go on Space Mountain or Big Thunder Mountain but will go on Pirates, Haunted Mansion, Tomorrowland Speedway, etc.? If it’s the latter, you should be fine.

        Although my wife, son, and I are in California, we’re back at Walt Disney World in 6 weeks. Here is our plan for WDW that may help:

        Epcot is our favorite park for people with different park tastes. First, you can get lost in the World Showcase without ever going on a ride. Great food options, shopping, IllumiNations at night, etc.. And then with Future World East and West, there will be a couple of rides for the thrill and some that are tame, and other things to keep people occupied when others are on rides.

        For Magic Kingdom, we time the Fast Passes so one of us goes on a thrill ride and the other takes our son to a ride for him. So for our trip, I got my wife the Space Mountain FastPass at the same time and my son have the FastPass for Tomorrowland Speedway. There is no reason you and your fiance can’t do that too. For Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios, it’s the same approach of making sure there is something for everyone when we go.

        Then we have days where we won’t go to the parks and just visit Disney Springs or another resort (we’ll be staying on property with our vacation club points).

        For Disneyland and California Adventure, same approach, and since everything is so compact, really easy for you to squeeze in a ride if he wants to take in a movie and the like.

      3. PackerFan*

        I went on a big family trip to Disney last year. My family has been many times, but it was my partner’s first trip. I was really nervous about him having a good time since he is not a fan of rides and the rest of us love them. He had a great time. The rides that he wouldn’t go on/I steered him clear of were Space Mountain, Expedition Everest, Mission Space, Tower of Terror, and Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. He doesn’t like spinning, dark, jerky motions. Things he did while the rest of us did these rides:
        1. If it was a short wait or we had FassPass he’d just shop at the nearby stores or sit down for a break
        2. Come to the park later. I’m a rope drop until fireworks person, so a couple of days (one MK and one in HS) he just slept in and met us at the parks at 9-10ish. We rode the attractions in the park that he wouldn’t want to do and then we were good to hang together for the rest of the day. This is especially good to use with the FassPass. Get a FP slot for 1.5-2 hours after park opening for the thing he won’t want to do. Hit the park when it opens and ride it a couple of time, do the FP, he meets you and get on with your day.
        3. Since we were a big group there was usually someone else who wanted to sit out for one reason or another. YMMV on this if it is just you two.

      4. Anonymous Engineer*

        Go to EPCOT during the Food & Wine Festival (around October). You can easily spend multiple days trying to sample all the different offerings.

    6. Bekx*

      We’re going to Disney World in September, just boyfriend and I. He’s never been. He likes roller coasters, I do not. I will stomach Splash Mountain but I reallllly don’t love the drop.

      I’ve been told that The 7 Dwarves Mine Train is easy, so I will concede and go on that with him. I love the Pirates ride, I did like Soarin’, and I’m thinking about doing Toy Story Mania too.

      Are there any other ones you’d recommend in the roller coaster but not variety?

      1. Odyssea*

        I would definitely say Mine Train is on the tamer side of things – most of the “action” is that the carts have a side-to-side swing to them. Toy Story Mania is also pretty tame – the vehicles do spin a bit, but are stationary while you play the games.

        Star Tours isn’t exactly a roller coaster, but there is movement and 3D screens, so your mileage may vary. Flight of Passage is similar to Star Tours in terms of movement and 3D footage. Test Track is like riding in a car, with some sharp turns and a big acceleration on the outside track. The Frozen ride in Norway does have a drop, but it’s also a kid’s ride (not sure if your boyfriend will be interested).

      2. ThatGirl*

        The new Toy Story land will be open by then; I think the Slinky Dog coaster is pretty tame (like Mine Train) and the other ride there is Alien Spinning Saucers, kind of like bumper cars, I think.

        Test Track is fun, you get to go really fast at the end but there are no drops. (I don’t love big drops either, although I love roller coasters, just not “big drop” rides – I avoid Tower of Terror.)

      3. Bekx*

        Cool, thank you for all the responses! I wasn’t sure about slinky dog, but I’ll see when the reviews come out more!

    7. einahpets*

      In your opinion, is the MaxPass worth it?

      We are annual passholders in CA for Disneyland, and we are going up next month on a Sunday with family that don’t have annual passes. Normally we just kind of fly by the seat of our pants in terms of organizing when it is just us – ‘oh, such and such looks busy, lets do more of so and so today’, but I’m thinking of maybe having us all get the MaxPass this time for easy fast pass coordination.

      1. Odyssea*

        I’m an annual passholder at Disneyland, too, and I have found that for us, it really is worth it. The main thing I like about it is that it eliminates all the running around to get fastpasses at the rides, so you can make plans where you’re at, whether that’s in line somewhere else, eating a meal, at the pool, etc. You can also get passes at both parks at the same time, and you can make multiple fastpasses with a minor time wait. Our last trip, we took a couple hours each day to go to the pool, and I usually ended up with two or three fastpasses for the evening by the time we went back in.

        Another nice thing is that one person can make all the fastpasses for a group. I do this for my family, which makes it really simple and doesn’t make everyone have to get their passes/tickets out. I can just scan all the passes on my phone. I find that feature really convenient, especially if you have kids in your group.

        The one caveat is that it works best if you’re spending the whole day. You can’t make any fastpasses until they scan your ticket, so if you want to use it in the evenings only, you may not be able to get onto some rides if they’re out of fastpasses or the next available one is 11:20-12:00.

        Overall, it’s worked really well for my family, though your mileage may vary.

  46. Higher Ed Database Dork*

    I’m an ETL developer at a large state university. We’re currently using IBM Cognos for the old warehouse and Oracle BI products for the new one. I’m happy to answer any questions related to SQL, database stuff, and working in higher ed! (I’ve got 10+ years in higher ed.)

    1. Avyncentia*

      I’m a self-taught SQL user. I’ve been creating reports and queries for my company as a side project (day job is software testing). If I wanted to get a job as a full-time SQL development, are there certifications that would be helpful to establish my abilities? Other languages I should be learning?

      1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        I haven’t really seen a lot of certifications per se in the SQL arena. I would focus more on your experience in that area on your resume. It’s also helpful to list the type of SQL you are using – are you working in a Microsoft environment, Oracle, PostgreSQL? Also are you looking for something like ETL development, or data analysis/reporting? Because the knowledge needed for those two things can be very different. I started out as a BI analyst, but I really preferred the “development” side as opposed to reporting/analysis side. What types of jobs are you interested in?

        I would focus more on learning various programs like Tableau, SAS, Microsoft SSRS, etc., and advanced SQL functions. Everyone wants someone with a least a little bit of experience in those programs.

        1. Avyncentia*

          I’m only really comfortable working with T-SQL. I’ve used PL SQL, but I find Oracle’s sqldeveloper a lot less user friendly than SSMS. I think I’m more interested in data analysis/reporting. My company offers an ETL product and I test that right now, but I don’t really have much interest in figuring out how to structure a database as a job. I learned a lot about CCIs when we added support for them, but it quickly got more in-depth than I really wanted to go. I’d rather be given and seek out report requests and fulfill those.

    3. Jadelyn*

      Do you know of any free or inexpensive resources for learning Cognos? My org uses Ultipro HRIS, which includes Cognos for its BI, and I’m our specialist in this – but I know that I’m not using but a tiny fraction of what Cognos could do for us, because my knowledge is limited. I’ve done the trainings that Ulti themself offers for BI, but that’s still fairly simple stuff – like how to use the report studio workspace, a little bit about event studio, and some stuff on query calculations. Nothing about the different report types – like, what’s a crosstab? I looked into IBM’s official training classes, but it’s very expensive, so I’m hoping there’s other less-expensive options out there.

      1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        Unfortunately no. We are using an older, unsupported version called Data Manager and as far as I know, there’s not really anything out there. I mostly just google whatever I can. We have Oracle Discoverer sitting on top as the reporting layer.

  47. Kuododi*

    I’m very experienced in medical interpretation as well as mental health counseling in Spanish. I have also been designing and making beaded jewelry as a hobby for many years. (Self taught)

    1. Ktelzbeth*

      As someone who uses medical interpreters, what’s the best/most polite/most appropriate way to correct them? I don’t mean if their interpreting wrong (though my Spanish is good enough I have caught errors), but if there’s a long conversation in the other language and I get a one word answer or no interpretation at all. Or conversely, the interpreter just sort of quits interpreting and I have to say, “can you please interpret that?” Lest you ask, yes, these are supposed to be professional medical interpreters.

      1. Kuododi*

        Unfortunately what I’ve discovered is the standards for “professional” interpreter is awfully shaky from state to state. Often I find I’m working with one step above well intentioned church volunteers. (Yes, my frustrations are leaking out). What I would recommend is simply directing the interpreter “I need this dialogue interpreted please” or “would you clarify what she just said for me?” Ideally the interpreter is a part of the background there to facilitate dialogue between you and your client. They aren’t supposed to impose their issues on the task. I’ll get back to you on the question of language skill resources.

        1. Kuododi*

          Woops I realized I was trying to answer two posts in one!!! I’m dealing with new bifocals and my vision field is still a bit “wibbly-wobbly”. Best wishes!!!

    2. ..Kat..*

      Can you recommend any apps, podcasts, or other ways to enhance my Spanish? I am a nurse in a pediatric ICU. And I have some previous formal classes, if that helps. I want to improve my Spanish, but would like suggestions for how to best do this.

      1. Kuododi*

        Well the best resource I’ve run into across my professional history would probably be the Rosetta Stone program series. I was introduced to it when I was on contract with the Army as a mental health provider. Apparently Rosetta Stone program is the go to for military personnel needing to be up to speed quickly on language skills before deployment. Good luck!!!

  48. KC*

    I’m a college track and cross country coach here. I’m happy to answer any questions related to fitness/training, recruiting, or just about the college coaching field in general. I’m fairly skilled at social media marketing and would be happy to share some tips on that as well.

    1. July*

      I have a running question: I’m a fairly devoted but not at all talented runner logging maybe 25 miles a week. Periodically I get really fast for no obvious reason: my ten minute miles suddenly become eight minute miles. After several weeks, I’m back to running tens again. Do you have -any- idea what the deal is there?

      1. KC*

        Do you just do easy runs or do you incorporate workouts into your training? Is your training basically just run 25 miles a week every week and you randomly get faster or are there other variables in play here?

        It could be that some other aspect of your training is helping you get in better shape, but it could also just be you randomly felt better on certain days or were more rested. It’s possible maybe you were getting more recovery during the time you were able to run faster because you were recovering and benefiting from your runs more (ex. if you worked long hours on your feet for a period of time, you may have felt slower during that time.) This could also be the adaptation theory at play here. After about 4-6 weeks, your body adapts to a repeated stimulus in training and then your gains from it start to drop off until you change something in your routine to something new. People often have peaks and valleys in their training, so this isn’t that unusual, although normally people tend to at least maintain or get faster from a period of easy aerobic training, but if you’ve been doing the same thing for a long time, the adaptation theory could be your explanation. Try changing it up a bit and doing some mini pick-ups during your runs or doing some days a little faster and some a little slower. That might be enough to start to simulate a positive training effect again.

      2. SG*

        How true is the 80/20 rule with regards to training? It’s preached just about everywhere that most of your training should be done at a significantly slower, easy pace, with speedwork/tempos/hills making up no more than 20% of training, but so many of the runners that I follow on social media seem to do all of their runs, including long runs, at or near goal race pace.

        Bonus question: of all the popular marathon/half marathon training programs out there (Hanson, Higdon, Pfitz, FIRST, Daniels, etc…), if you had to pick a favorite for a novice (between beginner-intermediate), what would it be?

    2. runnerkid*

      I’m a new runner and I’m not sure I’m doing it right? I got quite severe pain on the outside of my knee a few weeks ago (which is apparently IT band related) and now I’m worried that as I increase my mileage I’ll hurt myself. I don’t feel like I’m doing something wrong but obviously I am and I don’t want to get injured! Any suggestions? Is there some kind of person I can go to that can see how I run and tell me how to fix any mistakes?

    3. SG*

      How true is the 80/20 rule with regards to training? It’s preached just about everywhere that most of your training should be done at a significantly slower, easy pace, with speedwork/tempos/hills making up no more than 20% of training, but so many of the runners that I follow on social media seem to do all of their runs, including long runs, at or near goal race pace.

      Bonus question: of all the popular marathon/half marathon training programs out there (Hanson, Higdon, Pfitz, FIRST, Daniels, etc…), if you had to pick a favorite for a novice (between beginner-intermediate), what would it be?

    4. Gumbyjune*

      What suggestions do you have for dealing with runners knee?

      Also, slightly off topic so ignore it if you don’t want to answer, I have a high schooler who is pole vaulting. This is her first year doing it. She has a gymnastics background and the pole vaulting coach at her school says she has the potential to compete in college. What height should she be consistently hitting each year to be considered to pole vault in college? She’s a sophomore right now. Also, will colleges look at her if she solely pole vaults and doesn’t do any other events? (She will probably do hurdles next year but her competitive cheerleading schedule is taking up too much time this year).

    5. Cat*

      Hi KC, thanks for offering to share! I did cross country and track in high school, and have been running ever since (I’m 27 now). So I appreciate everything coaches do. Anyway, on and off for the past 6 months, I’ve been having knee aches, to the point that I’d quit running for a month at a time to see if it will go away. Eventually it does, but as soon as I start running again it comes back after about 10 minutes, even after buying new shoes. I haven’t ever been the type to run crazy long, or crazy fast. I know I 100% need to see a doctor. Just curious if you have any experience with this – I’m honestly so scared that the doctor will say I need to quit running, since it’s so therapeutic for me.

    6. Cat*

      Hi KC, thanks for offering to share! I did cross country and track in high school, and have been running ever since! (I’m 27 now) So I appreciate everything coaches do. Anyway, for the past 6 months or so, I’ve been having knee aches, to the point that I can feel it when I walk. I’d quit running for a few weeks to see if it would go away, and it would, but as soon as I started running again, the ache would come back, even after 10 minutes of running. (I have bought new shoes, to rule that out. Also, I’ve never been the type to run crazy long or fast, and I’m a normal weight.) I know I 100% need to see a doctor, but have you had any experience with this? I’m very scared that the doctor will tell me my knees are done and I need to stop running, since it’s my best form of therapy.

  49. Matilda Jefferies*

    Also, a question for those of you with ADHD. What helps you transition from one activity to another? I find I’m really good at planning – figuring out what needs to be done, what to prioritize and what can wait, and so on. But then I get hyperfocused on the planning, and I find myself stuck in list-making mode, basically making lists of ALL THE THINGS (including lists of lists), and it’s hard for me to stop that and actually start *doing* things.

    I have even tried putting “put the pen down and stand up” as the first item on my list, but it only works sometimes. I’m pretty good at outsmarting myself, and doing “just two more minutes” even then. Timers and alarms are also hit or miss for me – sometimes I follow them and sometimes I don’t. So any new tips or tricks anyone might have, would be great!

    1. Lady Register*

      If you have any pets (especially cats!) and there’s a specific task you must do every day, set a timer for when you want to do that task and give your pet a treat after you complete it. Trust me, they’ll make sure you transition from your current work to said task!

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        My cats love to help with anything involving treats! Unfortunately, this particular task doesn’t happen at a specific time, just whenever I’m sitting down to make the lists. So I’d have to get up to get them the treat to even start the ritual, which is the whole problem I’m having to begin with! :)

    2. Junior Dev*

      I don’t have ADHD but I do have some similar brain stuff going on. Can you explicitly budget in time to wrap up what you are doing and think about what would happen next? Like, spend 50 minutes working on the thing, then 10 minutes writing about what you did, what needs to happen next in that project, and any other thoughts you have about it.

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        Sometimes! My problem is limiting the ten minutes, and remembering to stop when they’re over. I’m a work in progress. :)

    3. KC*

      I feel like I have this same problem, so I am curious to hear what other people say. I often have to get up and go to another room to start the new activity, but even then I often get distracted on the way there or procrastinate in the new location.

    4. Lynca*

      Hello fellow ADHD person.

      I have to compartmentalize the activities. Home activities are separate from work for example. I try not to have more than 2 lists total. And the items need to be broad such as finish X report by Y date. I don’t do milestones, just get X done by Y. It is very easy to get sucked in and micromanage yourself and that helps me to stop hyperfocusing on the details. I also try to keep the lists very basic. No lofty goals- I leave that planning to my husband.

      I also have to force myself to do things. Even if they aren’t completed- do 20 minutes cleaning the bathroom. I find I just start finishing the task because why move on yet?

    5. mreasy*

      Lately, I have been breaking my to dos into smaller pieces. Instead of “add all products to Amazon,” I’ve been doing “add 2 products” each day for a week. The work gets done in the same timeline, but it’s much easier to start something more bite-sized. I also have unmedicated ADHD and have fallen into the “what if lists but too much” trap!

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        @Lynca and @mreasy, I love that you gave basically the opposite advice to solving the same problem! It’s very much a “different strokes for different folks” kind of thing, isn’t it. :) I will try both – with an extra amount of self-discipline to make sure I actually do what I’m supposed to do. Thanks!

    6. Nesprin*

      The pomodoro method is really good for that sort of thing: you do task A for 20ish min, then take a break, and switch to the next block.

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        The pomodoro method is in my “toolbox” as well. The biggest problem is firmly reminding myself that the alarms mean something, and I need to stop what I’m doing and move on to the next task when I hear them. Thanks!

    7. Admin of Sys*

      Hi! My issue is more executive dysfunction w/out the adhd, but I’ve found creating an environment that forces the change of state is useful.
      So – for getting around the seductive pit of list making, I made a pile of index cards be the supplies I use for list-making. I can only fit five or six entries a card before I run out of room, and I made a personal rule / habit that I wasn’t going to grab more than one card at a time. When I sit down to figure out how I’m going to clean the living room, I have 6 steps I can fill out, and then I have to start doing things. Once I’m done with those items, I can come back and make a new list of 6 actions (or 10 or whatever) but I can’t make a 400 step list of the way in which I’m going to clean my entire house from top to bottom but never actually get around to vacuuming.
      The other trick I use is to make the first step in the list something I’m going to do regardless, rather than an activity I have to choose to do. If I’m eating breakfast while figuring out the process for the day, I’ll start the list out with:
      1) When you refill the coffee, pour it into the travel mug to stay warm
      2) Wash the breakfast dishes
      3) etc….
      That way, I start the list regardless of any actual will power or declaration of intent but I can easily continue the next steps because I’ve already started. I do something similar with alarms – I’ll set an annoying enough alert on the phone that I’m probably going to get up and turn it off, and start the list with 1) turn off the phone alarm 2) swap laundry 3) etc. (this doesn’t help the alarm being ignored entirely, but it solves the ‘snooze button’ effect where you never get past the list making)

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        a 400 step list of the way in which I’m going to clean my entire house from top to bottom but never actually get around to vacuuming.

        Actually laughed out loud at this, because that is exactly how my brain works! Thanks for the tips, I will definitely give some of them a try.

    8. Grad Student*

      No ADHD here, but extremely similar set of brain difficulties. I struggle to transition between activities, so one thing I’ve started doing that sometimes helps is making a to-do list that I don’t plan to start on until the next day–that way the planning phase and doing phase are naturally separated. For instance, I’ll often leave my office at the end of the day while in the middle of things on the computer, so I’ll write a few to-do items on a post-it and tape it to my computer mouse. Then when I get in the next day, sometimes I can manage to just start in on those items before the thinking/planning/distracted part of my brain gets in the way. I also for some reason have huge trouble getting myself to start packing for a trip, even tiny trips, so I’ll often type out a packing list the night before, then go to sleep, then actually assemble all the items on the list in the morning.

      1. Matilda Jefferies*

        This is a great idea! My therapist has also suggested treating the “planning” and the “doing” as separate activities, so I appreciate the practical advice as to how to actually do that.

    9. Code Monkey have boring meeting*

      I don’t have ADD but I do fall into tasks and forget to eat sometimes. Often the only thing that will break me out is having to pee. Maybe have two big glasses of warm water before you start your list? ( I am only half kidding :)

  50. Future Homesteader*

    Amateur early childhood expert, especially the 1-4 range. Anyone needs tips and tricks for dealing with toddlers? I have a million. I spent years working as a nanny, in daycares, and camps. Am excellent with other people’s children.

    Also about to have my own and terrified! Would appreciate any advice on surviving as a working mom with an infant. Do not handle sleep deprivation well, and have much less experience with infants. Also, I expect karma to eat me alive after all of the silent judging I’ve done of daycare parents.

    1. Armchair Analyst*

      Are you parenting solo or with a partner? What is your support system? The first 6 weeks are terrible. After that it gets slightly better, with an uptick at 12 weeks and again at 20 weeks. Going back to work so soon for American moms really stinks – your body truly is not quite ready and the bonding that is taking place is important. You do need your sleep to be the best mom for your kiddo – what is your support system like?

      1. Future Homesteader*

        I have a partner and my mom is nearby (she’ll probably more or less move in for a few weeks), and miraculously, I get a solid 12 weeks *paid* (I know, I’m sorry to brag). So I’m basically in about the best possible position I could be for this, and feel very grateful! As for going back to work, I hope to pump and with a small amount of luck, my husband will actually be staying home with baby. I’m mostly worried about getting adequate bonding time after I go back to work and balancing that with the need for sleep!

    2. Anon librarian*

      One thing that worked well for me with both babies is splitting wakeups with my partner. I would go to bed early like 9 pm early (morning person) and he would take any feedings before 2 am (night owl) and then he would go to bed and move the monitor to my side and I would handle any from that point. But some people get lucky and their kids start sleeping through the night (at least an 8-10 hour stretch) by just a few months old.

      We formula fed so that helped but I honestly recommend formula feeding as a working mom anyway. It was way easier for me. Worth considering. And, yes, I know that’s controversial and working moms who BF (most of my friends) have all of my support also.

      1. Juli G.*

        We did that with kid 1 and it didn’t work for us. We both were always exhausted. What worked for us with kid 2 was every other night – I have Monday, you have Tuesday, etc. Yes, you may be exhausted on Monday but you know that when you go to bed, you don’t have to get up until morning. This honestly saved our marriage.

        Bottom line – make it a point to find a good night routine so it is and feels equitable.

      2. Future Homesteader*

        Thanks! That arrangement sounds like it would work well for us, actually! I hope to BF but am trying really hard to stay open to formula feeding for just that reason. I’m sure the benefits of breastfeeding all go away if Mommy’s so exhausted from it that she can’t function…

        1. A Working Mom*

          You can always do a combo of both BF and formula feeding to give yourself a break and have your partner help out a bit. I did both for a number of reasons, but it did help us split wakeups.

          1. Jules the 3rd*

            +1 to this strategy – it worked well for Mr. Jules and me to split the night and do BF with formula augmentation. The key advantages of BF are cost and antibodies, and they get the antibodies if you’re BF even just once a day. Pumping helps keep the supply up.

            Also – we skipped the bassinet and put Baby Jules in an open cardboard box, cut down / shaped to match baby mattresses. I got the idea from the european baby boxes (link in name), but the US has 0 square mattresses.

          2. atalanta0jess*

            This was a life saver for us too. Started supplementing because of jaundice, kept supplementing because of sleep, and then later because it relieved the pressure on me to pump 100% of what he needed during the day. I still pumped until he was 10 months and am still nursing at just over-two. Combo feeding can definitely be something that supports a positive nursing relationship.

            1. Future Homesteader*

              Thanks! It’s always presented as such a black-and-white option, it’s great to hear alternatives from people who’ve been there!

              1. atalanta0jess*

                Isn’t that weird? People totally do talk about it that way, and I don’t understand why.

          3. Make an assessment.*

            We also survived only through the graces of combo feeding. I have chronic fatigue and was really, really obsessively nervous about sleep deprivation, so here is what worked for me, if it helps at all:
            1. I cared about the benefits of breast milk and was indifferent to the actual act of nursing (which was nearly impossible for us anyway), so during my 12 week leave, I focused on getting settled into an efficient and effective pumping schedule, since I knew I’d rely on that once I went back. I also handled all wake-ups during the first 2.5 months, then we did 2 weeks of transitioning my husband into the routine before I returned to work.
            2. From when I returned until our son was 8 months old (aka when he started sleeping through the night), we alternated nights with the baby AND slept in separate rooms. I cannot overemphasize the importance of that part – because even now, years later, it doesn’t matter if my husband has the monitor on his nightstand, I wake up if my son sniffles. So to TRULY sleep, I would go to the guest room, close the door, and trust my husband to get it done.
            3. On the advice of a particularly kind LC, we made every single bottle a mix of formula and breast milk so he didn’t reject the formula outright. We’d change the ratio around depending on what my supply was up to, but it helped us prevent picky eating. We also mostly skipped warming them for the same reason.

            Good luck to you! It is so hard and so worth it, and you will be GREAT no matter what you choose as long as you don’t fling the baby out a window when you feel like you might want to. :)

            1. Future Homesteader*

              Thank you! You guys are making me tear up with all the words of encouragement and stories of survival. And it’s not *just* the hormones, I swear.

          4. The New Wanderer*

            Seconding this. I just wasn’t able to produce 100% so both kids were fed both ways from about 2-3 weeks old, on advice from the nurses based on slow weight gain. Fortunately they had no adjustment issues between bottle vs breast, or formula vs breastmilk (for some babies it is an issue). I did pump at work for several months each time and the second time around was easier, but I was content to give it up around 7 months.

            I thought I would be wrecked with sleep deprivation but I found the hormones compensated a lot for that. I was lucky that both kids were good sleepers by 8 weeks old and didn’t have colic. I did have serious brain fog for several months, but I only noticed it when it started to get better.

        2. atalanta0jess*

          My lactation consultant said that one of the biggest impactors of milk supply is how much sleep you get too, so…catch 22!!

    3. Ariel Before The Mermaid Was Cool*

      Maybe you can help me!

      My son is 2.5 years old and we’ve been experiencing some sleep regression so I’d be interested to see if you have thoughts.

      Even when he’s exhausted and about to fall asleep standing up, when we put him in his bed at night, he will get mad and throw a fit, throw everything out of his bed, take off his bottom clothes and diapers and occasionally his tops as well, and often will pee in the bed before falling asleep. What gives?!

      Also, he enjoys taking off his diaper and putting his pants back on, so I’ve been asking him if he wants to use the big potty, and he says no. It’s like he just likes the feel of the fabric against his boyhood.

      +%×^*#$($[[÷

      1. Future Homesteader*

        Oh geez! That sounds hard. Some questions: what’s your bedtime routine? What does he usually do in the hour or so before bed? Do you put him down at a specific time, or do you wait for a signal of some sort from him?

        As for boys and their boyhood…yup. They really do seem to get (pardon the pun) excited when the diaper goes and they can be more…free. At 2.5 he may well be ready for potty training. Does he have noticeable signals of when he’s going to go the bathroom? If you can work with those and get him to get on the potty with some success once or twice, it can spur him to want to do it more. Also, I once had a mom tell me she straight up put Cheerios in the potty and had her son try to sink them as an incentive to use it. Worked for her! I’m also assuming that you’ve tried to explain that he only gets to go diaperless if he’s using the potty, but really bringing that point home might motivate him. Seriously, try the Cheerios (or peeing outside on trees. I have seen first-hand how that can be a big hit…although be careful to explain it’s only for home…we had an incident at a daycare where a kid suddenly decided a tree on the playground made a perfect potty. We were all laughing so hard we could barely tell him he needed to go inside to do that.)

      2. Dee-Nice*

        My son is 2. For naps, I have physically restrained him (gently) until he falls asleep. Maybe that’s not cool. Unsure. I lie on my side with my bottom arm under his knees and holding his hip so he can’t squirm away, and I put my upper arm diagonally across his torso and hold his shoulder so he can’t squirm upwards. It used to take as long as ten minutes for him to fall asleep, and now he’s usually asleep within 3-5 minutes. Then I can get up and walk away. If it takes longer than ten minutes for him to fall asleep I let him get up and run around some more and try again in half an hour. At bedtime I still lie down with him till he falls asleep, but he will just lie down next to me and I don’t have to hold him. I realize that eventually he will have to go to sleep on his own, but since he sleeps 10 hours uninterrupted most nights, I don’t mind the initial 10-15 minute investment to help him fall asleep.

        1. Future Homesteader*

          Dee-Nice, I’ve done that too! It’s my go-to with restless kids. Not necessarily restrained (this was in daycares, after all), but sometimes putting a gentle hand on their shoulder or back as a reminder to calm their bodies will give their minds a chance to calm down. Lying next to them and breathing deeply and deliberately helps, too! They have trouble self-regulating and helping them/giving a clear model to follow can help a lot. I actually also try this with my husband when he’s restless at night (not as effective, but it can help). :-P

          Ariel, I don’t want to make any assumptions about what you may or may not have tried (I’m sure you’ve probably tried about everything!) but my other advice is to try to avoid the overtired phase if at all possible. Signaling to them it’s time for bed (dim lights, gentle play/reading and quiet voices) while they’re still relatively happy can sometimes mean you miss the “I’m not tired I don’t NEED TO SLEEP” tantrum by gently transitioning to bedtime. A lot of times when kids are telling you/showing you they need sleep, it’s too late and they’re already going to be cranky, especially if you still need to brush teeth/bathe/put on PJs/do diaper changes.

      3. Jessi*

        Buy footed PJ’s with a zip and put them on backwards. Can’t take them off if you can’t get to the zip.

        Is it possible he is overtired and over stimulated?
        try moving his bedtime forwards a half hour and for the last 20m read quietly with very dim lighting. I would offer a talking book (literally a digital copy of someone reading) if he stays in bed with the understanding that if he gets up it goes off.

    4. Cowgirlinhiding*

      Working mother of three, that are roughly two years apart. Only leave taken was 6 weeks at birth. If you have the experience you listed above you will be awesome. I think the pre-term lack of sleep gets you prepared to handle the sleepless nights later. Just remember to sleep when you can. I was in a car pool and trained myself to sleep while we were commuting- saved my life. If you don’t have that option, try to sleep during breaks, even for 15 minutes but set an alarm so you get back to work on-time. Set a schedule and stick with it. Kids to bed at the same time, up at the same time gets them into a routine. My kids are getting older now, but they still like to head to bed early and get up early, even on weekends (though I would have loved to sleep in on Saturday or Sunday).

      1. Future Homesteader*

        Thanks! I can’t tell you how much it helps to hear from people who have been there and survived it. :-)

    5. A Working Mom*

      I second the splitting wakeups. It really helped me in the first few weeks back at work.
      Also, I never did this, but a friend at work did and she said it was a lifesaver. If you get a full hour for lunch, use part of it to nap. She would nap in her car for anywhere between 30 and 45 min middle of the day. Even better if you have access to a nap/ quiet room at work. It made her way more alert the second half of the work day.

      1. Future Homesteader*

        I just did that at lunch today, because the nausea was overwhelming (and I’m into my second trimester!). It was that or go home.

    6. sparty*

      How do you get your 2 year old guy to stop putting his hand down his pants beyond a onesie underneath his clothes?

      1. Jessi*

        Do you need to? Is he playing with poop? or just touching himself?

        If he is just touching himself send him to wash his hands every single time. I spent an entire year saying “Not at the table buddy” so its a time thing!

      2. Future Homesteader*

        I’m afraid I’ve never figured that one out! Two is a bit young to talk sense into them (it might work for some), but maybe trying to channel it? I had a friend who would give her son “play time” – the rules were he could do it in his room by himself. But again, he was a bit older and could be left alone.

        My only other suggestion would be to distract him as much as possible. But some little boys just really seem to love goin’ for it. It’ll get easier as he gets older! With potty training comes discussions of privacy, etc. and that’s usually a good point to talk about those behaviors and the proper time and place.

    7. Dee-Nice*

      Eh, karma may not eat you alive, but as with any experience, you do get less judgmental once you’ve lived it for yourself. You realize most people really are just doing the best they can.

      In the first year or so, if you are ever beating yourself up because you’re exhausted and frustrated and miss your old life, don’t. You *are* exhausted, it *does* suck exactly as much as you think it does, and your old life was probably pretty awesome in a number of ways. It will get awesome again, very slowly, sometimes in the same ways, sometimes in new ways. Nothing about the early days lasts forever. You’ll be okay.

      1. Future Homesteader*

        Thanks! I just might print this thread and stick it in baby’s nursery so it’s there in five months when I’m sleep-deprived and desperate. :-)

    8. Thlayli*

      I need advice on a violent 2yo! Time outs seem to have no effect. We do stickers for good behaviour at the end of each day and not getting a sticker sometimes gets a tantrum but no improvement. 2yo is always apologetic and cuddly after time out, so it works as calm down time, but doesn’t seem to be having any effect on preventing the behaviour.

      We watched some YouTube videos the other day (teeth are not for biting and similar) and no major incidents since then, but still some pushing and shoving. Any ideas?

      1. Dee-Nice*

        Time outs didn’t work for mine, either. I’m sure you’ve heard all the advice about not letting them get too hungry/tired/bored, but obviously those are all going to happen sometimes. I had to shift my thinking on it, since I don’t (personally) find disciplining a 2yo to be very effective. It’s more like I try to steer him away from those behaviors until he’s old enough to really understand that they’re wrong and have some impulse control. If I see him in the act of biting or hitting, I gently stop him and say, “I can’t let you hit/bite me/dad/your friend.” Then I try to distract him with something else. Since what he’s interested in changes oh, every two days, it means staying on top of what will *actually* be an attractive distraction. If he actually succeeds in hitting/biting, I’ll repeat, “I can’t let you do that,” and physically move him away from whoever’s involved. Otherwise I just accept that it’s going to happen sometimes until he grows out of it and gets more tools to handle his emotions.

        1. Thlayli*

          Yeah we have a pretty good routine for meals and so on. 2yo is currently dropping the nap and this is totally screwing up he routine. So overtiredness is definitely a factor. But Ive had no luck trying to entice a nap. spending over an hour trying to get 2yo down for a nap is just not feasible when there’s also a 3yo to mind. But I might try reintroducing quiet time which is what I used to do with my eldest when it was time to drop the nap.

          Another problem is the two of them are close in age so it’s really hard to judge when happily playing together is going to suddenly turn into 2yo attacking 3yo! They go from best buddies to mortal enemies in about 5 seconds.

          It’s a whole different problem to when it was a 2yo and 1yo last year. Then they just didn’t really play together at all so it was much easier to head it off.

          1. Dee-Nice*

            Yes, the mood swings can give you whiplash! Good luck with it all. From what I can tell anyway, it’s pretty normal.

      2. Jessi*

        Might I suggest that you look into Janet lansbury?

        Two year olds don’t really have huge emotions and no impulse control. Impulse control is something it takes most of their childhood to master. Your best bet is too channel that violence! Rather than telling him he can’t – give him tips and tricks that he can. So “We don’t bite people, but if you are feeling frustrated you can bite this ball/sock/special cushion”. Same for hitting “hey bud, we don’t hit people but if you are angry then hit the cushion” hope this helps!

        1. Future Homesteader*

          Yup! And as speech develops, so does the ability to express themselves, which often lessens the desire to act out physically (or at least provides alternate means of communication). Case in point: my brother had delayed speech and was a chronic biter, well past when it was expected (like, 3-4 years). When he finally got help for his speech (turns out his hearing was poor), the hitting/biting stopped (well, then he and my other brother turned into teenagers, but that’s a different story).

      3. Kay Lynn*

        No advice but sympathy. My 2 yo will apparently slap his friends on the back and then run off to watch and see what their reaction will be?? I’m not sure if he is grooming them for further abuse or just running some kind of weird social experiment. There was a suggestion to practice “gentle” hands with stuffed animals or pets, he’s not in a stuffed animal or baby doll phase though :/

        1. Future Homesteader*

          I have a friend whose now almost-four-year-old did a lot of similar behaviors. And he’s definitely outgrowing as he gets older. It just takes lots of vigilance and corrections and reminding yourself that his brain is still developing and he’s not always going to be like this!

    9. Lou*

      I had my first child last year, and was in for a very rude awakening, even with a supportive spouse and mother that stayed with us for nine (!) weeks. We did everything in rotating shifts, and it still sucked. “Sleep when baby sleeps” was impossible for me personally.

      I’ll just say this: try your very hardest to not feel guilty about whatever arrangement works best for you and yours. Seriously. It is SURVIVAL for the first two months. I cried constantly, about everything, and felt guilty about needing so much help. People would tell me that the newborn phase was incredible and precious and they missed it, which made me feel like a terrible mother for being so miserable. So, go easy on yourself with your decisions (including whether you decide to go with formula; it was the best choice we made).

      Good luck, and even though I never believed it when my mom would tell me: you’ll get through it.

      1. Dee-Nice*

        “People would tell me that the newborn phase was incredible and precious and they missed it, which made me feel like a terrible mother for being so miserable.”

        LOL Sleep deprivation is a helluva drug. I suspect there’s a lot of forgetfulness that happens to some people regarding the newborn stage. I heartily second all of your advice.

      2. CML*

        Ohhhh yes, I swore to myself to NEVER tell parents of newborns “enjoy it, it goes by so quickly, they’re so precious at that age!” I wanted to sucker punch everyone that told me that…I was SO tired and no, I wasn’t loving every minute. It made me feel awful to hear it because I thought something was wrong with me. By the time I had my second child, I realized to give myself grace but it wasn’t always easy. Hormones are all over the place, sleep deprivation is real, babies cry and you can’t figure out why (luckily my two didn’t have colic but they did have chronic ear infections), etc. I don’t say this to scare anyone because the love for a child is immense and beautiful and messy and wonderful. But try not to feel guilty with whatever helps you.

    10. Jessi*

      @Future Homesteader

      Is this a problem you can solve by throwing money at it?
      Hiring a night nanny for when you go back to work, or a NCS (Newborn care specialist) called a maternity nurse in the uk to help steer the baby towards a routine?

      1. Future Homesteader*

        Honestly, I’ve thought about it. But no, the money’s not there. The hope is my husband will actually stay home when I have to go back, though, and he needs way less sleep than I do. :-)

    11. atalanta0jess*

      working mom advice –
      *pick your battles/priorities carefully;
      *be flexible about your ideals versus what is working well for you now;
      *remember that everything in the first year (or two!) is just temporary anyway;
      *remember that you will always be your baby’s special person, even though you go to work;
      *if you are tired and end up falling asleep in chairs, couches, or bed, with baby, accept that this is going to happen, and create a safe sleep space that you can share

    12. E*

      Meal prep and get a few weeks ahead of any similar tasks, or delegate items for the first few weeks. Sleep deprivation is a little easier to bear when you don’t have to make any critical decisions other than wake up/feed baby & self/repeat.

      1. Future Homesteader*

        Excellent point, and I can start making lists now. :-P Soothing *and* productive.

    13. Chalupa Batman*

      Earplugs. I’m not kidding. No matter how much you love your baby, there will come a time when you’ve tried everything, the crying won’t stop, and you’re at the end of your rope. Removing the most frustrating stimuli (because let’s face it, without the sound, a crying baby is kinda funny and adorable) gives you a safe step-back to assess the situation and figure out what you haven’t tried yet-babies never cry without a reason, but the reason may not be immediately apparent to you. You’re not a bad mom if you feel negative emotions sometimes, it’s a sign that you need some care, too.

      Also, yes, your silent judging will be challenged. Sometimes you gotta just give the kid a popsicle for breakfast and accept the consequences.

    14. President Porpoise*

      My daughter kisses me by biting my face hard. It’s just me, and it’s clearly out of love, but it really really hurts. She’s 22 months. What do I do?

    15. Traveling Teacher*

      What saved my sanity while walking the floor/up for 3am feedings was podcasts. There were about four months where the kid just wouldn’t sleep without being held. We tried everything then just went with it for a little while because we were both so exhausted, so we’d take turns handing off the kid when she’d wakeup (I was also breastfeeding full time, so that could have had something to do with it…).

      I started listening to podcasts in the middle of the night when I was so tired I couldn’t see straight but somehow had to stay awake. History podcasts, story podcasts, science podcasts, language podcasts (the HowStuffWorks network has a ton to choose from, if you don’t know where to start). Also audiobooks from the library. But podcasts were instant! It really helped me to feel like my mind was engaged in doing something instead of rotting away!

    16. Deus Cee*

      Make sure they’re fed, changed and get enough naps, and talk lots to them. That’s it. Then make sure you’re getting enough rest yourself (if you can, rest when they nap, it makes such a difference).

      The first few weeks are diabolically awful, it only started to improve for me when mine learnt how to smile (about 4 weeks – possibly the longest period of my life). Make use of whatever support network is available to you. It is good if you can BF (backed up by evidence), but _never_ allow people to make you feel guilty if you decide not to (or if you can’t) – one of the healthiest 15 YOs I know was a formula-fed baby. Also, for me breastfeeding freaking hurt for weeks. Lanolin helped, but years of soft comfy bras meant that I just had to put up with the pain until I acclimatised.

      Good luck!

  51. The Original Flavored K*

    Do you have questions about medical insurance? Prior authorization? Deductibles, coinsurances, copays, which insurances are the biggest pain in the butt to work with? Do you wonder why the !@#$ your hospital was what it was, what you can do about your hospital bill being so durn high, or what to do if you owe a lot of money to a hospital but can’t pay it all? I very probably have answers. This has been my living for something like eight years now!

    1. MechanicalPencil*

      If a new drug is being released in the summer, how far in advance will information about what is needed for authorization/if insurance will even cover it be available? Total long shot question. And bless you in what you do.

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        In my experience, that information hasn’t really been available in advance, since insurances love to play the “we changed the rules in November but didn’t get around to telling you until January” game. I would advise speaking to a rep with your insurance about 30 days before the drug drops and seeing if they have any coverage information for it then.

    2. medium of ballpoint*

      Ooh, helpful! Here’s a question for you: What kind of hoops will I have to jump through to get a prior authorization for a medication my insurance doesn’t cover? So far it looks like they want me to try alternatives, but I’m not sure how many I’ll have to try or what to say to indicate they’re not working.

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        It can depend on the insurance. For some, because they don’t cover it, no prior authorization will be approved. For others, there are a number of hoops you can jump through to get certain benefits applied to it, although I don’t usually handle those.

        This is one where your doctor is going to have to fight hard for you — a lot of insurances really don’t seem to care what patients have to say. I’d try at least one of the covered drugs, and when it doesn’t work, ask your doctor to do a peer-to-peer with the insurance, if a peer-to-peer call is available.

        1. I am procrastinating currently*

          I also have experience with prior authorizations, but from the viewpoint of the doctor’s office.

          To everyone in general, please be aware that all peer-to-peer calls I have attempted have taken at least half-an-hour to perform, with some rare exceptions. Most physicians I have spoken with are understanding about the need for whatever it is that I am requesting, but there have been occasional difficulties despite (from my perspective) a very reasonable request. The length of time required can also take time away from other patients in need.

          Additionally, if our office prescribes you something that we think will get covered, and it doesn’t, well… (https://edition.cnn.com/2018/02/11/health/aetna-california-investigation/index.html).

          1. The Original Flavored K*

            I probably should have mentioned how time-consuming they are. We have a surgeon who absolutely will not do P2P’s under any circumstances. These days, I usually just kick the rejection letter over to the provider’s MA and let the provider decide whether (s)he’s doing the P2P or whether I’m resubmitting/appealing.

    3. DC*

      Oh, I want to follow this thread. I’m switching insurances at the end of the month, so any advice you can give me on making sure I don’t get shafted while doing that will help!

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        What are you considering switching to? Shafted how? What would you consider an unreasonable deductible and coinsurance? What would you consider an unreasonable premium?

        Generally, I’d advise switching to BCBS or UHC before anybody else, and paying the higher premiums of a PPO plan, but it really depends on what kind of care you see yourself/your family needing in the coming year.

    4. Mike C.*

      Why in the hell do they keep pressing me on automatic renewals on my prescriptions when they’re schedule 2 drugs?

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        I don’t really deal with rx authorizations; I mostly handle surgeries. This sounds like it may be an issue with the pharmacy, or something you’ll have to talk to a rep about.

    5. BestAuntInTheWorld*

      My insurance company says my plan won’t cover birth control over 50 years old. I have googled the HECK out of this to see if it’s legal and haven’t been able to find that.

      I would appreciate any help, insight, or resources!

      2. Gollum*

        seriously? WTF? Your body determines when you’re post menapousal, not your insurance company!

    6. Earthwalker*

      Have insurers any tips on when/how to push back when a doctor might be over-testing? I had a blood test reveal an anomaly that resulted in me being sent for ultrasound, MRI, CAT scan, and half a dozen more blood tests, even though I felt fine. A few months later without any treatment, just tests, the problem disappeared. I got a blood test a year later to confirm that it was still gone. That came out fine but I was ordered out for another test two weeks later just in case. Maybe that was really necessary but I feel like I’m being had. How does a wise medical consumer know when to be cautious and comply and when to push back? How does one go about pushing back without being labelled an uncooperative patient? I feel like That Guy who’s the reason that insurance costs are so high, but I’m not sure how to be smart about it.

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        First: Lab tests (blood/urine tests, some pathologies) aren’t that expensive (when compared to an MRI), so where those are concerned, you’re not That Guy. Ultrasounds, too, to an extent. It’s when you get into the advanced imaging (CT, PET, MRI) that the expenses for all concerned really start going up, and it’s not so much that you’re That Guy as that (s)he’s That Doctor.

        To the meat of your question: You can push back by saying things like your work schedule or your budget really don’t allow for this any time soon, or that you’re not comfortable with doing another test right now. We see so many difficult people that so long as you’re polite about it, you won’t get labelled anything in particular. I would not mention feeling like you’re being “had” or “scammed,” because that’ll put everybody’s backs up, but otherwise, the politest I-don’t-wanna will be fine. Failing that, if a hospital calls you to schedule, you can just say that there isn’t a good time for you in the foreseeable future and you’ll call them to schedule (and then don’t).

      2. MsChanandlerBong*

        Ugh, I hear you. I had a bone-marrow biopsy based on the results of a blood test. Then when I saw a new specialist, he asked me why I had the biopsy. I told him, my blood test was abnormal. “I know, but why did they skip right to a bone-marrow biopsy? What symptoms were you having?” I had no signs or symptoms at all. The specialist said I really didn’t need the biopsy after all…I wish I would have known that before having a $19,000 procedure.

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        I would not start out by attempting to negotiate with the hospital — I’d try negotiating with the insurance first. The hospital sees itself as “having” to charge what it charges, and it’s not going to negotiate on price of services. You may be able to negotiate your insurance into paying more, or dropping less of the cost to you, or putting pressure on the hospital to “adjust” (write off) more of the cost.

        If you don’t have insurance, or if your insurance is being as spectacularly unhelpful as they’re known for, this is when you try to negotiate with customer service. And keep in mind, you are not negotiating the cost down, you’re negotiating the adjustment up. Many hospital call centers are set up to offer payment plans, prompt pay discounts, “charity care”/income based adjustments, and catastrophic adjustments (think “SUDDEN CANCER DIAGNOSIS” or “HORRIBLE TRAIN WRECK” on that last one). The income based adjustments can be especially helpful — they’ll need your income, your debt, your family size, and some other information, but they can adjust off amazing amounts from a bill.

        Whatever you do, don’t just kick them random amounts of money and not expect them to send you to collections. They will absolutely send your bill to collections if it is not paid in full, if you are not actively in talks with them, or if you’re not on an approved payment plan.

      2. Red Reader*

        And if you end up at the negotiation-with-the-hospital part, you don’t want just garden-variety customer service — almost every hospital that ever hospitaled will have an entire team of people who’s sole purpose (more or less) is to help get patients in touch with any programs, discounts, or other options that they might be qualified for from just about any angle, and otherwise ways to reduce your bill to where you can pay it. We don’t want to send you to collections, we want to get our accounts receivable and your ability to pay as close together as possible because that’s where our metrics are based, is on reducing our outstanding AR. At my hospital, it’s the patient financial navigation team. They have all manner of financial resources – programs that nobody has ever even heard of, information about various studies that are being done through our affiliated university that might get you services for free if you’re willing to fill out a survey and get a couple extra blood tests done, contacts with big pharma who will replace our vial of $30,000 medication we infused into you for an off-label-but-medically-appropriate use if your insurance company denied it instead of expecting you to foot the bill.

    8. Abelard*

      Last year I finally saw a doctor to get a move on taking care of something that I’ve left hanging for more than a decade. Then suddenly in November I found out my insurance would not be accepted by that doctor’s facility in the new year (aka 2018), meaning the doctor is no longer considered “in-network”. Every other doctor I have talked to has referred me to that facility. How do I navigate getting insurance to cover this as in-network?

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        Generally, they won’t. The insurance decides who’s in network and who’s not, and getting contracted can be a lengthy process. You might be able to get pre-approval to go to them, and they MIGHT apply in-network benefits if you do that, but even that’s not a guarantee. Ask a rep about getting apre-certification/prior authorization for that facility/doctor, but be prepared to hear a “no.”

        If you get a no from your insurance, talk to your PCP about getting referred elsewhere because they don’t accept your insurance.

    9. cat socks*

      Not sure if this falls under medical insurance, but how are prescription drug prices determined and why do they vary between pharmacies? Is a website like GoodRx the only place to get an estimate of prices?

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        That would fall under prescription inurance! I handle mostly surgeries. Have you considered calling the pharmacy you use and asking them what they charge? They may be able to ring up a dummy transaction for a prescription with your insurance information.

    10. E*

      My husband changed insurance to Aetna, specifically Coventry) on Jan 1 (from Blue Cross). Found out that not only is his therapist not in network, but that there are no therapists in network within an hour and a half drive of us and we’re in an area with plenty of therapists and medical clinics. Can I dispute with insurance to get them to pay as in-network?

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        I would absolutely dispute that with the insurance. I know I’ve gotten UHC to approve an out-of-network provider because he was one of the only surgeons within two and a half hours of where the patient lived. An hour and a half drive is not reasonable for therapy, especially if you have a history of frequent visits.

    11. TNT*

      Where on earth can I find information about when I need to notify my insurer about a pregnancy? I’ve read everywhere that I need to let them know, but I can’t find anything about how to do it or if there’s a deadline. Thanks!

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        Check the back of your insurance card for your customer service line. A rep will be able to guide you through when and how to notify them of a pregnancy. As for deadlines, I have no idea.

    12. Ali G*

      Oooh helpful! Do you have any experience with Kaiser? I will likely be switching to my husband’s insurance on April 1 (Kaiser) from United Healthcare. I have a rare nerve issue and the only place for me to get treatment is a large research hospital (which I am lucky is only about an hour away) that was in network (somehow) for my previous insurance. I go in annually for an MRI and then a follow up visit to discuss the results, any changes, get new RXs, etc.
      I told my Doc at the research hospital and she said she has had mixed results with Kaiser letting her patients see her. It seems to be hit or miss whether they will allow it as “out of network” (my husband has a FSA to cover these costs if needed) or not cover it at all. Some middle ground is that they require me to do the MRI at their facility and then I can see her for the follow up as out of network, but that ruins the data they are collecting, as up until now I used the same MRI machine to reduce bias in my results (I’m in a research study as this is a disease that has only been designated as an actual disease in the last 10-15 years – it isn’t well understood).
      Do you have any advice on working with Kaiser to at least allow me to visit as out of network for both the MRI and follow up?
      Thanks!

      1. Ktelzbeth*

        Not the OP and I cannot comment specifically on Kaiser, but I (as an MD) have found that some insurances are more likely to let you see an out of network specialist if an in-network specialist says that the out of network person is THE PERSON you must see.

    13. she was a fast machine*

      Are the hoops super insane to get a breast reduction authorized? I’ve been told if a doctor deems it necessary it can be covered but I don’t even have a clue where to start with it.

      1. The Original Flavored K*

        Most insurances require some proof of medical necessity. You may have to get a psych consult. That’s not something I’ve ever authorized, so as a first step, I would talk to your doctor about it and get a referral to a specialist.

  52. Working Hypothesis*

    I’m a licensed massage therapist, and can answer questions on massage, muscle aches, or stretching.

    1. Serin*

      Are there any stretches for lower back that can reasonably be done at work? I’m talking about the spots that you can get at by lying on the floor and pulling your knees up, except that I can’t do that at the office.

      1. Working Hypothesis*

        Try standing up straight and tall, then rolling slowly down to dangle your arms and upper body to the floor. Bend from the hips, if possible (not the waist), and sway your arms and upper body slowly from side to side while you let their weight tug on your lower back muscles and stretch them out. It won’t be quite as effective as lying on the floor and pulling your knees up, but it’ll do well enough to get by at the office, and it’s possible in most spaces.

    2. Not a Real Giraffe*

      I have a knot the size of Texas in my calf and have for many years. Aside from foam rolling or using a tennis ball to roll it out, what can I do to reduce or eliminate it?

      Also, a loooong time ago, I went to physical therapy for a back injury. Part of that involved a massage therapist who would press incredibly hard into the middle of a knot (I guess?) until the knot gave way and was gone. It was AMAZING. What is that called and how can I find someone who specializes in that kind of treatment, as opposed to something more, say, soothing like a Swedish massage?

      1. Lillian Gilbreth*

        Not a pro, but I played sports in college and have lots of experience with injury and rehab – sounds like maybe ART (active release therapy) or general sports med massage.

      2. WhoNeedsSleep!*

        Hello, long time lurker, first time commenter here. I’m not a professional MT, but trained as one as a hobby yeeears ago. Discovered the classes helped me become more aware of my own muscle tension issues. So I’ve come up with my own solution to my own issues. I’ll share my tips for what it’s worth.

        For Plantar Fasciitis, I’ve discovered they go hand in hand with tight calf muscles and hamstrings. My solution? Whilst lying in bed, bend one leg, cross your 2nd leg over the knee of your first leg, and rub your calf muscle over your kneecap. Voila! Instant free massage! Since it’s your own leg, you can control the pressure and angle that works best to address the knot(s) in your calf. The better you can address the tight calf muscles, the sooner you’ll feel relief.
        When my calf is super tight or has a “knot the size of Texas” =) , and it’s too painful to rub over my kneecap, I usually just gently “bounce” my calf over my knee softly. This way, I can still work on it a little. Eventually, my knot softens enough for me to work over with my kneecap. I’ve been able to forestall re-occurrences of PF by using this method for over 12 years.

        Regarding the tight hamstrings, while sitting, I put my fist under my thigh and just let gravity sink the muscle around my fist. After 30 seconds to 1 minute, lift leg, move fist to another tight spot and rest leg back down on fist. Repeat as needed. Also, walk regularly.

        Tight neck/shoulder/back? For me, the edge of any wall or cubicle wall is perfect for leaning on strategically. This enables me to put pressure right where I need it, plus I’m forced to stand up and straighten up from my usual hunched position at work. Also, lots of water drinking which leads to lots of walking for bathroom breaks. Plus, try to sit balanced as much as possible (same amount of weight on each side, head over shoulders and not stomach). The better your posture, the less extra work you back has to do to hold you up.

        Also, it sounds weird, but since every single muscle in our body has a corresponding opposing muscle, if your upper back is super tight, it’s logical to assume your front (pectoral) muscle is also super tight. Therefore, a good indirect method to relax the back muscle is to relax the front muscle. For me, I find that if I’m suffering from a super tight back/neck, I can probe around the area beneath my collarbone and find tension/tightness/pain there. I address this by massaging (press in with opposite hand about 1/3″ and make circles, move over a little, repeat) the tension out. This works to reduce tightness on my back muscle.

        Tennis ball + long tube sock + wall also work to directly address hard to reach spots at the back.

        Oh! Also, my favorite method to work on my back, have you guys heard of the Miracle Ball Method? Saw it at Costco years ago and it’s my favorite thing to take to bed. I’m not sure Costco carries it anymore but here’s the website of the person who invented it. http://www.elainepetrone.com/

        Hope this helps. =)

        1. Working Hypothesis*

          The “opposite muscle” thing isn’t quite accurate, WhoNeedsSleep. There are certainly reasons why the pecs affect what’s going on in the upper back, but they’re not really the ones you described.

      3. WhoNeedsSleep!*

        I’m not a licensed massage therapist (MT), but I took all the classes as a hobby yeeears ago. Learned enough to realize it’s not something I want to base a career on but taking Massage Classes was so FUN! Everyone should take massage classes! Discounted massage plus the education was free (at least that ‘s how I viewed it! Lol!) Unfortunately, once the massage classes were over, I didn’t feel like forking over $$$ to get relief for my issues. So I’ve developed some methods to address similar problems mentioned here.

        Plantar Fasciitis/Tight Calfs: I find that whenever I have a flareup of Plantar Fasciitis, I also have super tight calf muscles and occasional tight hamstrings (at back of thigh). To address calf muscles, while lying in bed, raise knee of 1st leg. Cross 2nd leg over 1st leg and rest calf over kneecap of 1st leg. Slowly roll calf muscle over kneecap. This works because you can feel where your tension/pain is on the calf muscle and can control the pressure and angle that works best for you. If the knot on your calf is “the size of Texas”, it may be too painful to roll the calf over the kneecap. When that happens, I just gently bounce my calf over my kneecap lightly. This works to nudge the super tight muscle a little so some blood flow and nutrients can reach the muscle. You can also massage your calf directly by sitting on a chair and putting the ankle of the tight calf leg over your knee. Then use your hands to gently kneed your calf muscle.

        For tight hamstrings, while sitting, I put my fist beneath my thigh and just let the thigh rest on my fist. Eventually, the thigh would “melt” into my fist. This is similar to the Miracle Ball Method. Sometimes, I also use a MiracleBall instead of my fist. But I don’t always have a MiracleBall at hand so fist works better.

        The best thing about self massage, besides it being free, is that you can tell when you’ve found the right spot because you can feel it! Everyone should palpate their own body and work on their own tight spots! Why not? It’s free!

      4. Working Hypothesis*

        It sounds like what was done for your knot that time was Trigger Point Therapy! It can be done by most massage therapists who focus on treatment work as distinguished from relaxation work — i.e. the ones you’d find at a clinic instead of a spa. Ask about it! As for dealing with the knot in your calf, you probably need to first find out whether it’s actually a knot, or something else. A lot of issues can look and feel like a muscle knot, including an old tear in the muscle that has scarred up and a bunch of other things. It’s hard to tell how to get rid of it until you know what is going on there, so I’d find a treatment-focused massage therapist and ask them to try and find out what’s happening in there.

        1. WhoNeedsSleep!*

          Sorry, wasn’t being snarky. But that’s basically what’s taught in Massage School. =)

      2. Working Hypothesis*

        Depends on the condition, and the issue. Eczema doesn’t need something like gloves, contrary to WhoNeedsSleep’s comment, because it’s not contagious. We learn what *is* contagious, and we do use gloves to avoid contracting or spreading those things, but with something like eczema it’s just a matter of finding out from the client whether it’s okay to touch it or too uncomfortable for them, and if it’s okay, whether there’s certain ways they want us to avoid working in that area so we don’t trigger pain or itching.

    4. anon24*

      What’s the best way to ease knots in your neck, shoulders, and in between your shoulder blades? I get so tight I literally have golf ball size lumps that form. So painful and gives me horrific migraines. I do yoga as much as possible but some days I work 12+ hours and have no energy for yoga. I would love something quick I can do before bed or even during the day at work.

      1. TheCupcakeCounter*

        I have this as well and I get a treatment called IASTM (Instrument Assisted Soft Tissue Manipulation) at my chiropractor (also have it done on my foot for plantar fasciitis and it is a freaking miracle). It is a concentrated 15 minute treatment with a metal tool that gets into places easier than hands. I usually have headaches after a really good treatment but they go away with a boatload of water. Has helped a lot and easier to fit into my schedule than a deep tissue massage (although I love those as well).
        The other thing I use are lacrosse balls – hurt like the dickens but actually help. Roll around on the floor with one under the major areas. Lots of you tube videos on how to get your trouble areas.

      2. Poppy Weasel*

        I bought myself a back nobber thing. It’s a big piece of curved plastic with different styles of nobs on it that you can use to get at the hard to reach places. I use that in between my shoulder blades A LOT because I also end up with horrible knots in there. It doesn’t solve the knots, but it makes it so I can relax a little.

      3. Working Hypothesis*

        Most issues in the neck, shoulders and rhomboids (the muscles between your shoulder blades) come from a condition called Uppercross Syndrome, which is basically a postural problem caused by too-short pectoral muscles.

        In plain English, what’s going on is that your pecs have given up some of their length because they were rarely used at full extension (unless you’re a major league relief pitcher, nobody uses their arms above and behind them much anymore), and without that length, they cannot allow your shoulders to sit in their proper position without the pecs being under constant strain. Muscles don’t like being under constant strain, so the pecs grab your shoulders and yank them around toward the front, relieving the strain on them. That, however, pulls the rhomboids and a few other muscles in that area into being too long and thin, because now one end of them — the end attached to the shoulder bones — has just been yanked a couple of inches further away from the other end than it’s supposed to be!!

        Many people think that what’s going on when they feel pain in a muscle is that it’s “tight” in the sense of being contracted. It very rarely is. Instead, it’s stretched too long and thin. Contracted muscles don’t often hurt, because that is what muscles are made to do — contract. It’s their job. But muscles which are stretched too long and thin DO hurt, and that is generally what’s happening to the rhomboids, Levator Scapula, and a few other muscles in that region, to cause the pain you’re describing. A similar problem can happen in the neck by having the head set too far forward, causing the front-of-neck muscles like the SCM to shorten, and the back-of-neck muscles such as the erector spinae and suboccipitals to be stretched too long and thin.

        In both cases, the way to solve it is to stretch the muscles in front which are too short… briefly, for very many times a day, in order to teach them to grow longer. If you use those muscles at full extension and KEEP using them at full extension, you can teach them to ask the brain to send resources so they can build back the length they gave up before, which will naturally allow the shoulders to return to their correct position and relieve the pain in the back and neck. I regularly coach clients through this process, but unless you’re in the Seattle area I can’t do it with you in person, alas! A lot of good massage therapists can, though; especially those who specialize in postural issues. You should be able to find one where you are, and they can not only make it temporarily feel better, but teach you what to do on a daily basis in order to teach those muscles to grow back to the length you need them to be. It usually takes between 3-6 months… not all that long for a problem that’s been around for years!

        1. Working Hypothesis*

          Necessary legal addendum: massage therapists can’t diagnose, and even if we could, I couldn’t diagnose *you* from a distance. So everything I am saying is about what the most common causes of these issues are. It doesn’t necessarily mean this is the cause of your *particular* neck and shoulder pain; only that, in my experience, that’s the most frequent source of the trouble in general. If you’re not sure what’s going on and you want clarity, ask your massage therapist for a Postural Assessment, that will give you a better sense of where your bones are relative to where they should be.

    5. Future Homesteader*

      How do I find a good massage therapist? There’s one I love and trust who works with my yoga studio, but her hours conflict with work. I’ve been considering one of those chains, but I’m not sure about them. That said, I’d be hesitant to go to a random solo practitioner. I’m sure most of them are wonderful, I’m just not sure how to tell if they’re properly trained/someone I’m going to feel comfortable with…I’m very touch-averse with strangers usually, but I have TMJ and sciatica and anxiety and am generally very tense, and massage is a wonderful thing for those. Plus I’m pregnant now, which adds another layer!

      1. Sarah in Boston*

        Do you have a massage chain near you? I go to Elements Massage for a couple reasons. The biggest one (besides remembering to go once a month because I have a monthly plan) is that they have a standardized description for pressure levels. So you have a much easier time finding an appropriate therapist for your preferred touch level. (Also required certification for any of the offered options.)

      2. BetsCounts*

        Is there a massage school in your area? They often have student clinics. Best massage of my life was at my local school.

      3. Working Hypothesis*

        Massage Envy has had its notorious issues and I’d avoid them, but several of the other chains are pretty good. Elements has a good reputation within the industry. So does Hand and Stone. There are also some local, individually-owned clinics with multiple therapists; not just chains or solo practitioners! In your shoes, I’d go to a clinic with a bunch of therapists, so you can shop around among them until you find somebody you’re comfortable with and then stick to them.

    6. Parenthetically*

      I have the worlds tightest hip flexors and particularly psoas. I have a foam roller and lacrosse ball that help short term, and yoga does a bit, but I honestly don’t know what else to do! Tips would be most welcome.

      1. WhoNeedsSleep!*

        You can palpate around your hip area, especially around the edges of your hipbone. That’s where the muscles attach, and if the muscle is tight, you’ll find the attachment sites are painful also. Note where it’s most painful, put a MiracleBall there and relax into it. I’ve also just lay down in bed with my fists beneath my hips, where it’s most painful. Works similarly, but can be a little hard on the shoulder if you’ve got tight shoulders. Doing this in bed (with fist or MiracleBall) works better for me since the bed isn’t as hard as the floor. Plus, if I relax enough to fall asleep? Even better!

        1. Working Hypothesis*

          I wish you’d stop answering questions that were directed at me, especially since this is the third you’ve answered with information which is, at best, only partially accurate.

          Psoas is the deepest muscle inside the abdomen, attaching on the front side of the spinal column. It’s not reachable by a ball, miraculous or otherwise. It’s *barely* reachable by a skilled and experienced massage therapist — most of us have learned how to do it, but we try to avoid attempting it unless absolutely necessary, because it’s really uncomfortable for the client to have us have to go *through* all the rest of the stuff inside the abdomen to reach it.

          What you CAN do for psoas is to stretch it. Lunges work — one leg stretched out behind you, body straight up, bend the front knee, and lean your weight slightly backward, and you’ll get a really nice psoas stretch. It also works to stand at the edge of a bed with your butt up against the mattress, hug one knee to your chest, and then roll backwards to lie on the bed while leaving the other leg to dangle, extended, as relaxed as you can let it be. That’s a good passive psoas stretch and it also lets you know how much of a problem your psoas actually is… if the thigh on your dangling leg is level with or lower than horizontal (when you’ve got it relaxed and aren’t holding it up), you’re probably in OK shape. If it’s higher than that, you’ve got a tight or too-short psoas holding it up.

          1. WhoNeedsSleep!*

            Sorry for over stepping. I only meant to share my $0.02 from personal experience.
            Will refrain from further amateur, though well intended, responses from now on. (Back to silent lurking I go.)

    7. Lucky*

      Any stretches/moves for a hip flexer impingement that are work-appropriate (like sitting or standing at a desk, not on the floor)?

      1. ErinW*

        Not a massage therapist or medical practitioner, but I have spent the last year or so working through piriformis syndrome with a chiropractor. He recommended I sit on an exercise ball at home to strengthen my core, and while I was buying one, I also discovered the balance disc–which is basically an exercise ball with a flat bottom that you sit on in your existing desk chair. I’ve been sitting on it for about a month and the change has been dramatic. It’s not as distracting as sitting on an actual balance ball, but it’s great for straightening and stretching. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0764HWFL3/

    8. Kittymommy*

      I used to go to a massage therapist (who has now retired) that used some technique that I can’t remember the formal name. It wasn’t deep tissue or swedish. He said it’s a technique that doctors prescribe for medical injuries/ conditions, but he used it on me as well. It’s certainly not relaxing, in fact it can be rather painful, but it helps my back and neck pain and cuts down on my migraines. Any idea??

      1. Working Hypothesis*

        Lunges! They’re far and away the best stretch for hip flexors. Stand straight up with one leg stretched out behind you, bend the front leg slightly, and lean your weight slightly backward from the hips. And it can be done in most offices.

    10. Carrie*

      I have a weird issue with my neck where if I turn my head a little to the right, then all the way to the left, when I then return it to center, it makes a clicking sound. It’s weirdly annoying. I’m pretty sure it’s tight muscles because my neck, upper back, and shoulders are a mess of muscle knots, but do you have thoughts on where specifically I should stretch/get massaged/push on/etc.?

    11. Geillis D*

      Yes please!!
      Decided to be more active and dashed up several flights of stairs in my building for two days. Work up on day #3 with calves that felt like I’ve been cursed. Needless to say I’ve also got the range of motion of the Tin Man.

      Simple stretching doesn’t seem to help – is there anything else I can do, and in particular how can I do my stair practice and still have functional legs the following day?

      1. Working Hypothesis*

        Unfortunately, this might well be a simple case of Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. It’s the same particularly annoying post-exercise reaction which leads people who haven’t ridden a bike or horse in a while to end up with sore thighs if they go for a long ride. There is damn-all I’ve ever heard of that can be done about it except wait it out… massage can make it feel better momentarily while the massage is happening, but not actually treat it, and heat or ice (depending on your preferences) can be a bit soothing, but fundamentally, we think that DOMS is a result of tiny micro-traumas inside the tissue, and they just need a couple days to heal before they will stop bugging you.

        The good news is that your body usually adjusts to a new exercise pretty quickly and stops giving you DOMS every time you do it. Just like people who are used to spending every day in the saddle can ride for hours on end and not get sore, if DOMS is the issue with your stair-running, if you keep doing it for a couple of weeks anyway, it ought to go away. But do be careful… if anything feels ‘off’ somehow when you run the stairs, or if your pain seems to be getting worse instead of better with time, get it to a doctor, because pushing through something which is *not* DOMS but an actual injury is a good way to make it more severe.

    12. ..Kat..*

      Plantar fasciitis. Stretching and strength training from Google are not helping. Have an appointment with a podiatrist in a few weeks. Any suggestions in the meantime?

        1. Working Hypothesis*

          Again, this is only partially correct. It’ll temporarily feel nice, but it won’t do a darn thing to relieve the underlying issue.

          The best thing you can do for plantar fascitis is to roll out your foot on a rolling pin or the equivalent before you put weight on it in the morning, and as often after that as possible. There’s special kinds of rollers made for it, but honestly a kitchen rolling pin or a sawn-off broom handle work just as well. The other key thing is not to just stretch the foot… stretch the entire back-of-leg muscles. Calves, hamstrings, glutes… whatever you can. There is a single sheet of fascia that runs all the way up the back of the leg and then down to include the plantar fascia. If you can gain even a tiny bit of length in the hamstrings, that’s a half-inch or so of give that you didn’t have before in the foot… and in something the size of a foot, unlike something the size of the hamstring, half an inch is a big deal.

          Good luck with the podiatrist appointment, Kat! Heat can also help soften the fascia, so it’s good to heat up your leg and foot before stretching it… hot showers just before you stretch are great for that.

  53. KC*

    Is anyone here an expert on dealing with people with eating disorders? I have a few girls on my team that struggle with this and I’m not always sure the best way to support them or try to help them when teammates bring up concerns.

    1. AlmostAcademic*

      I’m not an expert, but I grew up in the dance world and am currently enrolled in a psychology program, so here are a few thoughts.

      1. Individuals with eating disorders are notoriously difficult to get into treatment (many refuse to accept that they have a problem, and it often takes about 7 years for someone to actually reach out for help), but if you can get them to seek professional help it’s really for the best. Often depending on the severity, a whole team of doctors / psychologists / counselors / etc can be brought on for very severe cases. Otherwise at least stating that you’re concerned and encouraging finding support, even if not directly for the eating disorder, from a licensed clinical psychologist (ideally a PhD from a well-known university, who specialized in eating disorders and not psychodynamic / psychoanalytic treatments) could be helpful in encouraging them to get the help they need.

      2. Try not to bring up body or food talk around them, as it can be extremely triggering for those in recovery. Encourage your team to embrace their bodies for what they can do for them and strive for balanced nutrition, but also try to minimize comments about weight / appearance / what everyone ate that day / etc. Don’t talk about calories.

      3. Most of all, just be there to listen and support and empathize. Let them lead the conversation, try not to minimize or be freaked out by what they are going through. Just be there for them. Also, emphasize to teammates that it’s not their job to bear the weight of this on their own, or to “fix” their teammates – and it’s not tattling to divulge things that they are concerned about to an adult.

      4. Keep an ear out for any comments that leave you concerned about their safety, and encourage your team to report to an adult if they hear those comments. Anorexia has a really high comorbidity rate with suicide and self harm in particular, so keeping an ear out for red flags for those is really important.

      5. If you have a local NAMI chapter, or something along those lines, reach out to them for expert guidance and support.

  54. Dopameanie*

    I need a good way to digitize/organize an RMA process. My new $100,000 fancy-pants software won’t allow bulk returns of customer product. Bonus points for smartphone app and automated reminders. I looked at Smartsheet but was disappointed. I am a distributor, I sell multiple thousands of teapots which have a 20 year warranty on the spout. I returned something like 2,000 spouts to the vendor last year in different size batches. Some are cross-shipped, some are free, some not, etc etc. any good ideas?

      1. Dopameanie*

        DDI. They require you to add ID numbers one at a time, which is just wildly unsuitable for my application.

        1. SkyePilot*

          Ooph. I am not super familiar with that. If you/your company is in the market for a different solution, I know the Dynamics family of products can handle that functionality. I’m sorry I’m not more help!

  55. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

    I’m excellent at skeletal analysis: age, sex, stature, ancestry, trauma and taphonomy, and skeletal anomalies. AMA.

    1. fposte*

      Whoa, that is super-cool, and I had to look up a new word!

      Do you focus on particular eras, like modern findings vs. Friends of Ötzi? Do you find it translates to looking at live people so that you’re noting weird skull shapes and pelvic misalignments in passersby?

      2. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

        My area of specialty is the ribs and vertebrae, and I concentrate on the 200 years between 1700 and 1900, but I can evaluate any modern human skeleton. It does indeed translate into live people–I really enjoy reading skeletal sex traits from peoples’ faces. Never in a pejorative way, of course, and I don’t bring it up to them, because not everyone falls into the sex binary, but the binary is there because *most* people do–so I particularly enjoy men with shaved heads because I can see the external occipital protuberance, and the mastoid process, and the flare and squareness of the mandible. If you catch me staring at you, chances are I’m enjoying the shape of your skull. *grin*

        1. SCanonibrarian*

          how can I find someone like you who can tell me if I have a pretty enough shaped skull to shave my head? I’ve wanted to do it all my life but not if I have any weird bumps or anything and I can’t tell.

          1. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

            I mean, I think you should go for it! It’s only hair, and if you don’t like the effect it’ll grow back (but then I’m super attached to mine and would be horrified to contemplate it, so…)

        3. Tardigrade*

          How frakin’ cool is that!? So have you ever seen someone on a bus or just out-and-about and recognized a potential abnormality, or does it even work that way?

          1. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

            I’m good at spotting asymmetry in facial features, arthritis of the hands (sometimes before the person themselves), and certain benign cancers called button osteomas–but those are really easy to spot, because they’re literally a small, round bump under the skin of the skull.

        4. fposte*

          So that’s a period of pretty limited travel for most people–are there regional distinctions as well as ancestry? Would you sometimes say “Aha, this person/bones must have come from elsewhere” based on where the bones were found and the regional characteristics they do or don’t possess?

          1. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

            Oh yes. In fact, when we talk about ancestry, we’re really talking about two things: location, and genetics, and the way they interact. For location, you have the overall genetic makeup of the people in it, but you also have local customs which indicate bone shape. For example, during the time I study, many South and Central American countries’ elite families bound their children’s heads, creating distinct and purposeful head shapes that were different from the way a head normally looks. The back of the skull might be flattened, or the top formed into a more pointed shape, by using binding boards.

            My own research is on corsets, and although they were prevalent in Europe and in countries that were extensively colonized by Europeans for long durations, they were not prevalent in other parts of the world. So I can look at the rib and spinal dimensions of a skeleton and determine if it came from a part of the world where corseting was the norm. I found two skeletons from the same time but different parts of India. One was from Mumbai, which was colonized very early on, and one from Bangladesh, which was only a colony for about 50 years by the time the woman died. The Bangladeshi woman showed no corseting damage, and the woman from Mumbai had distinct damage.

  56. Chef D*

    Hiya everyone. I’m a chef. I have over 25 years experience in just about all aspects of the culinary world. If I don’t know it, I can find out.

    1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      How do I effectively taste something in the middle of cooking without just burning my tongue off? :( I keep ending up with dishes I’ve under-salted.

      1. Sal*

        Or how do you taste something that is uncooked ground meat?! (jk of course, I just don’t). I always laugh when I see recipes that tell me to add seasonings to taste to, like, hamburger meat or something…maybe they just mean if I know I like a lot of salt, I add a lot of salt?

        1. Lily Evans*

          You can season the meat and then cook off just a small bite to taste test! I learned that from binge watching cooking shows. Also to taste for seasoning while I’m cooking I use a non-metal utensil, scoop up a bit, and blow on it until it’s cool enough for a taste.

        2. Antrobii*

          I’m not a chef, but I love to cook and make a lot of dishes that have seasoned ground meat as a base. I’ve just gotten in the habit of having my smallest skillet on the stove when I’m mixing up the meat, and then I make a little patty (like silver dollar sized) and cook it up quick to taste for seasoning. This has been particularly handy for things like ravioli filling, because it’s AWFUL to put in all the work of rolling out fresh pasta and filling it to find that your filling is bland (or that an ingredient went bad on you and now it’s all inedible – that has totally happened).

        3. Anion*

          Don’t salt your burger meat before forming into patties; it alters the texture of the finished burger. Shape it into patties then sprinkle salt on the outside.

    2. Juli G.*

      What’s the best way for a home cook to learn knife skills? My slow inability to chop, dice, or mince makes prep take much longer than necessary. I enjoy cooking but I use a steak knife to slowly do everything and I know it’s not right but I also have cut myself multiple times.

      1. Mediocre Home Chef*

        To piggy-back on this question, how do I choose a good knife for home cooking? And is there an option that doesn’t need frequent maintenance like sharpening?

        2. SkyePilot*

          I have been very pleased with my Kyocera ceramic knives. Two years on and they are still VERY sharp and they won’t cost you an arm and a leg.

        3. whingedrinking*

          The best way to choose a knife is to try them out. As I said below, knife preferences vary – I like big chunky German knives, for example, while a friend of mine prefers more lightweight Japanese steel. Go to a kitchen store and hold a few different ones. Practice rocking them on a cutting board to see what their action is like. Ask the staff for recommendations.
          Also, I’m with Parenthetical – some knives will hold an edge longer, but eventually they all either need to be sharpened or replaced. Honing keeps them sharper longer and isn’t very difficult. Plus, depending on where you live, there are door-to-door knife-sharpening services.

          1. Chef D*

            I always suggest folks to use what they are ok with using. I like a good food processor, youtube videos {for tutorials}, or even pre-cut up food as help to those who can’t be bothered or are starting to learn. All knives need to be sharpened eventually. There are some places that if they sell knives will sharpen them for you. There are also some really nice and easy to use knife sharpeners available that all you do is run the knife along the stones that are already set up so you glide them through. My only beef with ceramic knives is how easily they can break, this coming for a place of using them for 7 hours a day. Something is bound to happen.

            I agree with use a recipe a a guideline to season as in the ground beef then cook a small bit and taste.

      2. Emily, admin extraordinaire*

        Not a chef, but I had the same problem, and I took a class! There’s a culinary center here that does them, or if you have a Sur la Table in your area, they have them too. I learned a TON and am getting faster now that I have proper technique. Go on Google and search for “[your city] knife skills class” and I’ll bet you’ll find some options.

      3. Ali G*

        You need a good knife – not a steak knife! That’s why you are cutting yourself (and also going so slow). Go to Target or BB&B or any comparable store and get yourself a basic chef knife with sharpening stick. You don’t need to sharpen it all the time – maybe once a month. You will be amazed how much easier it is, and you will be able to work faster. Besides that (which is really important), just keep practicing! You will get there.

      4. whingedrinking*

        Use the right knife for the task. The steak knife is a MAJOR no-no, especially if it’s serrated. A six- or seven-inch chef’s knife works for most things, so I’d start by making sure you have one of those; you can add larger or smaller ones to your collection as needed. A lot of people are scared of big knives, but you’re not really more likely to be injured by a big knife than a small one, especially if you’re using them correctly. Obviously, don’t use a meat cleaver to peel a potato, but it’s also a bad idea to use a tiny paring knife to cut open a watermelon. Any tool should feel natural and straightforward when you’re using it for the right job; if it feels awkward or difficult, you may need to use something different.
        This is also a matter of preference – what kind of knife works for you can be very individual. Try holding a few different ones of the same length and get the one that feels the best to you. (Trust me on this, even if you think it sounds like BS. A friend of mine didn’t get how one kitchen knife could be different from another until I let him hold my favourite one vs. his Wal-Mart Special. His expression was that of the newly enlightened.)
        Stay aware of where your hands are and what they’re doing in relation to both the blade and the thing you’re cutting. You want to minimize the number of strokes, because you’re more likely to hurt yourself if you have to saw or hack away at something. Try to avoid letting your knife pass through a lot of empty air before it reaches its target, and ideally you should end each stroke against a cutting board. Make sure that you have good control over whatever you’re cutting as well as the knife – it shouldn’t slip or skid.
        Keep your knives honed and sharpened. A sharp knife is not only easier (and more fun!) to use, it’s much safer. The blade does more of the work for you, so you don’t need to use lots of pressure, and it’s less likely to slip. You can still go as slowly as you want.
        Follow basic knife safety: Focus on what you’re doing and don’t let yourself get distracted. Don’t try to catch a falling knife. Don’t leave knives in the sink while you wash dishes – you could cut yourself as you fish around in there. Etc.
        I hope that helps!

    3. foolofgrace*

      How on earth do you make eggplant so it’s not bitter? I’ve tried salting and pressing in paper towels but it still comes out bitter. I heard Alton Brown once say there are male and female eggplants and you can tell by the ends but I don’t know if this is true and I don’t know which one to buy, or even if it matters. Any help appreciated. Thanks.

      1. Reba*

        It might be that you are more sensitive to the bitter flavor compounds than the average bear!

        My favorite way to prepare eggplant is “dry frying” — put the whole thing on a hot skillet, rotate now and again until the skin is blackened and flesh is collapsed. Then stick it in a bowl covered with plastic wrap for a few minutes, then you can pull the skin off and you are left with very soft flesh, ready to make babaganoush or sauce or go on pizza. It is not bitter but does become smokey tasting.

        1. foolofgrace*

          Thank you! Now that you mention it, I have a friend who just puts the eggplant directly on the gas burner but that seems like it might get the stove unnecessarily dirty if the eggplant leaks or something. I’ll try your way!

      2. TheCupcakeCounter*

        I find the smaller the eggplant the less bitter it is. I’ll buy 2 tiny ones over a large one.

      3. Not So NewReader*

        I take the skin off it. I cut it into cubes and fry it in some oil maybe add garlic and/or onion. yum. It does not taste bitter to me, more like a little bland. I am wondering if the skin is bitter.

    4. Reba*

      What’s the biggest difference between home and pro cooking (that a home cook wouldn’t think of)?

    5. professor*

      My risotto always seems to come out drier than it is supposed to. If I try to stop cooking it earlier, it seems too liquidy. How do I get that right consistency?

      1. whingedrinking*

        The three tricks I’ve been taught for risotto are to warm your stock to simmering temperature, cook the rice in a little bit of oil first so it’s partly translucent, and add the stock about half a cup at a time, stirring constantly, and adding more when it’s mostly absorbed. If you’re doing all of that it should turn out okay. Maybe you’re turning the temperature up too high on your stovetop?

    6. Tardigrade*

      TV makes it seem like chefs love just about all foods. Is that true, or are there foods you don’t like (as in, ick! Brussels sprouts)? And how do you cook those ick! foods properly for others?

      1. Chef D*

        Home vs pro cooking, Mass quantity cooking. I can cook for 5 or 28,000 {think Vegas on Thanksgiving} The caveat, pro cooks don’t stress {ok, some do and should just cook not make decisions} and have the ability to be extremely flexible. Out of X fish, use Y fish, etc. etc.

        Personally, I hate eggplant. its a textural thing. So those eggplant questions… yeah not my game.

        A chef group I was part of posed an interesting question to all of its members.. what do you eat when you get home for that 12 hour shift. Mine was a peanut butter n strawberry jam sammich on good bread with salt and vinegar chips. sweet, salty, creamy, crunchy, heaven.

    7. Bella*

      Getting air into gluten free bread.
      I have a coeliac in the family and they’re often given bread mixes but what ever I do they always turn out pretty dense. I’ve tried xantham gum, whisking various different ways and speeds to try and get air into the mixture. I’ve tried different proving times but nothing is working. I’m reluctent to buy a bread maker because they’re so expensive.
      It’s driving me crazy now, I’m not expecting to get ‘light and fluffy’ but something a bit more breadlike would be nice.

  57. Junior Dev*

    Any advice on how to speak in terms the business and management people in my large corporation will understand and relate to? Books, etc. How do I translate “I want to do this thing” to “this thing will be good for our bottom line”

      1. Junior Dev*

        I have specific projects I’m working on now and want to advocate to be able to spend more time on, but I also want to develop this skill generally.

      2. ProximaCentauri*

        1. Talk often throughout the process. Bring them along on the journey from when you’re starting with your idea until it’s more formalized.
        2. Know their currency. Are they motivated by numbers, the bottom line? Are they more intuitive, or do they need facts? Are the focused more on the customer experience? Make your case in the currency the care most about.
        3. Let them know what’s in it for them. What would be helpful to them? How could your idea do that?
        3. Assume they have the attention span of the gnat. Don’t give them too much detail — give them what the want to know (again, their currency).

        1. TNT*

          These are all great tips, and I’ll double down on “know their currency.” You could have a meeting with four different execs about the same topic, but they’d sound completely different bc you’re selling it differently in each one.

    2. Armchair Analyst*

      I used to be in environmental/sustainability world. There’s a great series of books there – I think 2 books – called “Building Boardroom Buy-in” with case studies and really easy-t0-read — like, 2 pages at the most — on just this thing. What do your customers want? What do your investors want? What is required? What is competition doing? It’s cheaper than getting an MBA, but MBA or business classes would also help you do this.

      2. Jadelyn*

        Do you know who that’s by? I’ve tried googling it and I keep getting results for some sustainable commerce book that has “building boardroom buy-in” as its tagline, but not the actual main title of the thing. Would love to check into this but am having trouble finding it.

    3. Mike C.*

      One of the biggest problems for me in this area is that the language keeps changing every few months to the point where I think people are inventing new words and phrases to make themselves sound smart rather than using language to communicate complex ideas.

      1. Jules the 3rd*

        Different companies build their own jargon, and some companies change it faster than others.

    4. Kiwi*

      If you get a chance to present your ideas in a meeting, try hard to have an informal chat to at least one of the decision makers beforehand. You’re more likely to get agreement if you go into such meetings knowing that at least one of the audience already supports what you’re suggesting.

      1. J.*

        This is definitely helpful. You’ve got to organize the room. That means getting to know the people you work with and what motivates each of them, then doing the prep work to get a friendly table before you do a big presentation. You don’t have to do the full presentation to each individual person beforehand, but prepare them for what they’re going to see and figure out what they care about so you can tailor what you’re doing to the room.

        Also, don’t get too far into the weeds of how you did each of the technical pieces. Focus on the process and outcomes to help keep it manageable for an audience that’s not going to understand exactly what you did.

    5. Not So NewReader*

      Pretend you are a CEO. You have 200 potential new projects on the table. Why would you pick this project that JD has?

      Do not use language/words/slang that are not your own. It will ring hollow in the long run.

      It’s fine to say, “I am interested in doing X, I think it will be good for the company for reasons A-F. We can run a trial using 20% of X to see how it goes. I estimate it will take Y hours for me to set it up and I will use company resources and materials G, H and I. I would like to run the trial so you can see. If you honestly do not like it then I will stop. Can I try this X Thing?”

      Sincerity will carry you further than any amount of fancy lingo. Build in brakes for the project, tell them you will go so far then stop and wait for their feed back. Ask them if they would like early samples so they get a better idea of what you are striving for.

      Be prepared to answer questions. DO NOT BE INSULTED by their questions. Let’s say you are talking about Xs and they ask you how many Xs are in a box. You realize that this has absolutely nothing to do with anything you just said. Politely and cheerfully tell them “There are 42 Xs in a box.”

      See, the trick handling people with questions is to realize, until that person knows how many Xs are in a box they will get stuck on that (or whatever question they have) and they will be UNable to hear anything else you are saying. Deal with all questions in a polite cheerful manner, even if you have no idea why they asked that question.

      Practice in the mirror. “Yes, Bob the sky is blue and the grass is green.” or “Sure, Jane I will answer that for you: a box of a dozen eggs holds 12 eggs.” Be unflappable. Remember if they are asking questions, no matter how frivolous, they are showing interest. Feed the interest.

  58. Free Meerkats*

    Nothing I imagine anyone here would be interested in.

    Unless you want to know about how sewers work, or the ins and outs of regulating industrial discharges to said sewers.

    And while I’m good in most of my hobbies, I’m by no means expert in any of them. But I’ll entertain questions regarding SCUBA, auto racing (driving and working the tracks), flying (I have a Commercial license), or boating (former sailing instructor and charter skipper.)

    2. fposte*

      I actually find sewer stuff fascinating. Probably as a result of having had a failure that meant I didn’t take it for granted anymore. Do you ever run into outright 19th century robber-baron villainy or is it mostly just folks trying to get their work done and stay on the right side of things?

      1. Free Meerkats*

        Our program has an excellent working relationship with our current permitted users (about 25.)
        They do what they need to to stay in compliance and regularly call us if they have problems. But in the past we have had some problem people. One in particular got to spend a couple of years in Federal prison after we turned him over to EPA investigators.

    3. Libervermis*

      How do sewers work though? As far as I’m aware there is a maze of pipes under the ground and somehow rainwater goes through one and house water goes into another and somehow housewater and its wastes go somewhere to get cleaned…

      2. Free Meerkats*

        That’s pretty much it. Most of the US has separate sewer systems, storm sewers, which usually go out to whatever lake/river/ocean is nearby with minimal if any treatment, and sanitary sewers, which go to treatment plants before being discharged to the same waters. Some, mainly older, cities have combined sewers where all the water goes into one pipe and to the treatment plant. My city has a combination of those, about 40% is combined and the rest is separate.

    4. Lora*

      I am actually struggling with this exact thing, doing process design for a client who is doing a big expansion. We’re looking at possibly buying capacity from a nearby brewery who doesn’t use everything they paid the city for…

      Like, we expect to have an additional ~100K liters (so ummm…like 25000 gallons?) per day of additional effluent, all aqueous inactivated pharma biowaste with no antibiotics or anything nasty that would need scrubbing, in fact mostly pure water, but the city wastewater treatment discharges to a friggin brackish estuary.

      You see my problem. If it was discharging to another freshwater body like a river, they’d shrug and be glad to get such nice quality water instead of blackwater sludge. But it’s discharging to a brackish estuary so any tiny disturbance to the saline levels totally screws up the estuary.

      I can’t move the plant. I wish I could, they’re tearing down in another location that is surrounded by farmland where nobody would blink an eyelash at that discharge, but this is in a shell of a building they put up a while ago and now they’re trying to use it because the infrastructure is 80% already in place. Do we need to like…get a bigass break tank to even out the peak flows?

      1. Free Meerkats*

        Since you are using liters, I’m assuming you aren’t in the US.

        Even if you are in the US, the only real advice I can give is to get in contact with the treatment plant’s pretreatment regulating agency and work with them. And yeah, a detention/break tank is always a good thing.

        Believe it or not, really clean water being discharged into a plant, especially high volumes, can be as bad or worse than more polluted water (as long as the pollution is biodegradable.) The real work at a treatment plant is done by bacteria, and they need food.

    5. hermit crab*

      Do you know what pretreatment processes your industrial dischargers use? I work on the drinking water side of things but know very little about this – I’m interested in learning more!

      1. Free Meerkats*

        Treatment technology can range from simple pH adjustment to full blown biological systems. Most common for metals treatment is hydroxide precipitation followed by coagulation and settling, the last two I’m sure you are familiar with.

        We have a user that uses “magic dust”. :-) They are small (less than 50 gallons per day) and do their treatment in plastic garbage cans; stir in the reagent their chemical supplier sells them, stir it up and let it settle overnight, then pump off the clear water the nest day. They’ve been in full compliance with this system for over a decade.

        Then there’s the place that does Fenton Reagent treatment for organics, followed by hydroxide precipitation, coagulation, and settling. They discharge about 70,000 GPD of process wastewater.

        Or the place that discharges >350,000 gallons per day that screens out solids, lets grease rise to the surface, then pH adjustment.

        Another, about 100,000 gallons per day, uses ion eschange.

        It’s a wide variety of technologies, and we need to be at least conversant in all of them.

        1. hermit crab*

          Magic dust! That’s amazing. Somehow I don’t think that would fly at a drinking water plant. :)

    6. CPA#40025*

      Question about septics systems.
      Can I empty my cat’s litter into it (I have 3).
      How much of a chemical load can it handle without upsetting the balance (hair dye, perming solution, etc,).
      What about meds – when my dad comes to visit and he is on just every med under the sun for high blood pressure, etc.).
      And in general, how often should it be serviced and are those septic conditioners you get at the store and flush really helpful?
      Thanks!

      2. Free Meerkats*

        Cat litter should never be flushed, septic system or sewer. It’s literally dirt (clay to be precise.) In your case, it just settles in your septic tank and uses up volume.

        PCPs (Personal Care Products – there’s an acronym for everything) are fine so long as you aren’t running a salon in your house, same goes for your dad’s metabolites.

        Septic conditioners haven’t been found to be effective. My state has a blanket prohibition on their use. IMO, don’t waste your money.

        As far as service frequency, it depends. How large is your tank in relation to your household size. Do you do things like flush cat litter? How good is your drainfield? That’s really a question for your local septic pumpers. When I had one, I had it serviced every 5 years or so. But it was a good size tank and only a two person household.

        1. Anxa*

          I am here to stress DO NOT run an in-home salon without getting all of the proper inspections, registering your business, ensuring you have proper water treatment, etc.

          Our state had a cancer cluster linked to an in-home salon.

      3. Sophia*

        This is actually what I do!! Did not think anyone would be interested!
        Do not put your cats litter down the septic system. Litter is actually an absorbent material and should not be in the tank.
        Do not put any chemicals intentionally down the septic system. Occasionally household hair dye is probably fine but I would not make a frequent habit of it.
        Meds like high blood pressure medicine is very common and fine.
        The tank should be pumped every three to five years. Try to use the same company (they will likely send the same person out for servicing) so they can really keep an eye on things. These guys know their stuff!! Ask questions and be interested in this vital part of your home!!!
        Dont waste your time on conditioners. Dont abuse your system and you should not need any conditioners.
        Also do not flush baby wipes or any kind of wipes of any kind. Wipes can get in the leachfield and clog the field.
        Also do not put intentional grease down into the system. Grease from incidental cleaning is fine, but to dump bacon grease or equivalent can easily clog piping and cause big problems.

    7. Morning Glory*

      I read an article recently that said DC uses sterilized waste for some of its non-food soil, e.g. sidewalk landscaping (which I think is really cool).
      Do sewers/waste management systems have barriers that make this a challenge for other cities to do?
      Where does waste normally go after treatment?
      Are aging sewer systems at all a danger to public health?

      1. CheeryO*

        I don’t want to step on Free Meerkats’ feet, but I can take a stab at that last question. Aging sewer systems (1) allow too much groundwater to seep into the system through cracks/breaks from root intrusion or general deterioration, and (2) are more likely to have illegal connections (sump pumps, roof drains, etc. tied directly into the sanitary sewer). That’s called “I&I” – inflow and infiltration – and it means that the sewers are taking on significantly more flow than they were designed to handle.

        That excess water has to go somewhere, so it’ll eventually overflow at a pump station or through manhole covers or into basements or even at designated overflow points straight into a water body, depending on the elevations in the system. If the sanitary and storm sewers are combined (which is common in older cities, at least in the Northeast), then you have an even worse problem when it rains and stormwater fills up the system.

        My state put out an app that alerts the public of any discharges of untreated sewage (it’s the same platform that is used for Amber Alerts, traffic alerts, etc.), but it’s been a huge effort to get all the municipalities signed up, let alone trying to get them to report accurately and in a timely fashion.

        1. CheeryO*

          I didn’t answer the question, ha. Yes, they can definitely be a danger to public health. I would honestly be very hesitant about ever coming into contact with any water body in an urban or dense residential area, because you just don’t know what’s going into it.

      2. Free Meerkats*

        See CheeryO’s comments, they are dead on.

        Where does the waste go? There are three exit routes form a treatment plant. The treated water is usually discharged to the closest body of water, in a few places it is infiltrated into the ground water. Depending on the plant’s treatment processes, it may be almost drinking water quality.

        The solids (called Biosolids) can be incinerated and the ash landfilled, can be directly landfilled, used for land application as fertilizer, or composted and used for landscaping. How it’s treated and the quality of treatment is based on how it’s going to be used.

    8. epilo*

      I want to learn to fly! What did you find most challenging when you started? And how did you get started?

      Also, I learned to sail two years ago, but I’m still terrified of capsizing and any winds over 10 mph. Suggestions for allaying my anxiety? (I’ve only ever sailed little Mercury sailboats on a river in Boston).

      1. Jadelyn*

        Do you sail alone, when you go? It might be helpful to spend more time sailing with a partner (or a couple people, if you want to play with the bigger boats) to gain confidence before trying to go out alone.

        1. epilo*

          I almost always sail with my partner, who is also a newbie. The place we were learning, we’re not allowed to sail anything bigger than a mercury until we get a certain competence rating, but I’ve been too nervous to test for it.

          1. Free Meerkats*

            OK, I just looked up the Mercury. Are you sailing the Cape Cod Mercury 15 DB dinghy, the Cape Cod Mercury 15 FK keelboat, or the Mercury 18 keelboat? If the former, my advice applies, if either of the latter, it won’t capsize, keelboats are self-righting.

            The keelboats can’t capsize, at worst you’ll bury the rail in the water, dump the wind from the sail and it will come back upright. And both the Cape Cods and modern Mercury 18s have positive buoyancy and are unsinkable; there are still some old-school 18s without flotation tanks.

            All three of the boats have reefing systems. if you are feeling the boat is overpowered, reef the mainsail. It may only be blowing 15 knots, but you’ll be in your comfort zone – though you need to get out of it once in a while. The Mercury 18 (if that’s what you are sailing) was designed for San Francisco Bay where I did most of my sailing; the bay regularly has 25-30 knot winds and it was designed for them.

            1. epilo*

              Honestly, I don’t know what boats we sail. They have both keel and non keel Mercuries at the place where I learned to sail, but I don’t know specifically what kinds. They only let those of us with the lowest level of competence sail the keel Mercuries when the wind gets higher – we aren’t allowed to sail the others.

              I just watched a video about reefing the mainsail, and that’s definitely something I haven’t learned to do yet. I wonder if that’s the next level of classes, the level I’ve been avoiding testing for.

              1. Free Meerkats*

                Since you’re east coast, I expected it was the Cape Cod boats. The reason they only let you use the keelboats when the wind is up is because you can’t capsize them. Just so I know we are on the same page, keelboats have a fixed keel, not a daggerboard; if you have to move the “keel” up and down, you are in a dinghy, and those can capsize.

                So sail every time you get the chance. Test for the next level, you’ll likely surprise yourself. And if you don’t pass, you’ll get feedback on what you need to move on.

                When you’re sailing, experiment. Play with helm balance by sheeting the jib in and out while holding a straight course. Sail main only and jib only if you can. Do MOB drills. Tack and jibe. Go into irons and get out of it. Every time you sail, you will be getting better at it and gaining confidence.

                1. epilo*

                  I am going to try to get myself back on the water this summer and see what I can do. Thanks for the advice!

      2. Free Meerkats*

        Most challenging learning to fly was the multitasking it requires. There’s an old adage: Aviate, Navigate, Communicate. Meaning, first, fly the aircraft. Then pay attention to where you are and where you’re going. When all that is under control, talk to the rest of the world. Even the most advanced autopilots still need lots and lots of being told what to do and system management.

        Almost all my sailing has been in keelboats. The absolute best thing you can do to get over your fear of capsizing is to go out and do a session where you deliberately capsize over and over. You’ll gain confidence that you can right the boat and it’s really not all that scary. BTW, let the place you’re renting from know what you plan so they won’t be worried when they see you in the water so much. And in dinghies without sail reefing, if you’re feeling overpowered by the wind, ease the sheet and let the sail luff a bit.

    9. Mike C.*

      So what’s the largest aircraft you’ve been certified to fly, and what sorts of races have you worked on?

      1. Free Meerkats*

        I’m certified in single and multi engine land aircraft up to 12,500 pounds gross weight and hot-air balloons with onboard heaters. The largest thing I have any time in is a DC-3.

        I work amateur races (SCCA, Vintage, and a couple of other sanctioning bodies) at the road courses near me. On my bucket list is working the Formula 1 race in Austin, Indycar in Long Beach and Sonoma, and NASCAR at Sonoma. I’m almost exclusively working Flagging and Communication, though I’ve worked Tech, Grid, and Sound Control.

    10. CheeryO*

      I’m interested! I’m on the state regulator side of municipal treatment plants and industrial facilities with on-site treatment. I’m definitely more worried about what comes out of the municipal plants than what goes into them, but I wish I knew more about pretreatment. I assume you issue permits to the facilities? Do you do your own routine sampling? Are there any politics involved in how stringently different facilities get regulated? One of my more… aged plants has an industrial user that just slams them with heavy loading that’s been contributing to effluent violations, and they seem to be hesitant to regulate them more strictly, and I have to wonder if it’s because they’re a big employer/contributor to the (struggling) local economy.

      1. Free Meerkats*

        Since you are in the regulatory sphere and are interested in pretreatment, I invite you to join our Pretreatment Coordinators’ group on Yahoo Groups at https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/Pretreatment_Coordinators/info . An international group of over 2600 members, mostly regulators.

        We do issue permits – we have a fully delegated Pretreatment Program. And we sample and inspect all our permitted users, most twice per year. We require them to self-monitor as well, ranging from semiannually to twice per week, frequency mainly depending on the user’s volume of discharge and compliance history.

        Ah, politics… I’ve been lucky enough to not have it be an issue in the three programs I’ve worked in, but it can be a big problem for small programs with a single large employer in town. I don’t know what state you are in, but as the plant’s regulator, you probably have a lot of power through their NPDES (National Pollutant Discharge Elimination System for everyone else) permit. Since the discharger is causing effluent violations, you may need to enforce on the plant to “encourage” them to take action. Do you have fining authority? Even a relatively small fine can get managers’/mayor’s attention. Since it’s an ongoing problem, can you overfile on the plant? IOW, you enforce the user’s permit from the treatment plant. If all else fails, talk to the pretreatment person with your EPA Region and ask them to overfile; if they determine the violations are willful, someone may be going to jail. Sometimes, you just have to bring in the big guns.

        1. CheeryO*

          Thanks so much for the reply! So much good stuff here – I’ll definitely check out that group. For my problem plant, it’s already escalated quite a bit and has EPA’s attention. The plant is going through some major upgrades right now, so I’m optimistic that those will help a lot, in conjunction with ratcheting down on that one industrial user.

    11. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

      Auto Racing Stuff! I’m in the SCCA, and wondering if you’ve ever done rallycross (SCCA style, not X-Games style)?

      (This is the standard question from all the rallycrossers in our chapter when we find someone else who races. Generally followed by trying to get them to come to our next event.)

      1. Free Meerkats*

        I started out autocrossing my street car, then began crewing for some Club Racing folk. That sucked me into buying a Formula 500. I autocrossed that for a season, then started racing, earning a Regional Championship. After a suspension failure-caused crash that laid the car up for a while, I started volunteering at the tracks so others could race. I’ve been doing that for almost 10 years now, having sold the car to the guy who was crewing for me. He raced it until he stuffed it into a wall and he now races SM.

        Never been to a Rallycross, my Region is lacking in sites. I do want to get to one when I get the chance.

        1. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

          I tried autocrossing once and got hopelessly lost. (To be fair, the course designers admitted afterwards that it was needlessly confusing.) Our SCCA region offered a one day event designed to teach women the finer points of autocross (the goal being to get more women involved), but they scheduled it opposite a rallycross event so I couldn’t make it.

          I do like the fact that rallycross operates on a “You drive, you work” principal as well as taking other volunteers. (I got started by volunteering when my husband was driving.) I mostly work corners these days – if we have a lot of newcomers I’ll usually try to grab a couple of them to show them the ropes.

          Rallycross sites vary wildly from region to region – stuff in the midwest/great lakes are tends to be in old cornfields and even the smooth courses are rough. I’ve seen video of some of the California courses – they’re so flat and smooth compared to what I drive on!

          1. Free Meerkats*

            When I was visiting Australia I went out to what they call Motorkhana. Imagine the tightest autocross course you’ve seen and shrink it. Usually on dirt fields. Lots of pivot turns, handbrake turns, parking in spaces forwards and backwards. It was an amazing amount of fun! We had to have the farmer move the sheep off the field we were using.

            1. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

              Minus the parking bits, that sounds like the course I learned to rallycross on! If we had an acre for everything, including the grid, I’d be surprised. And there were trees in the middle! (No sheep, but there was a cow one field over who sometimes came to watch.)

      1. Free Meerkats*

        Google “Dive shop near me”. There are lots of dive shops in landlocked areas, usually diving in reservoirs or abandoned gravel pits. Some of the best cave diving in the country is in Missouri!

        Barring that, you need a reason to vacation in Aruba or Hawaii, right?

    13. Not So NewReader*

      How do communities find opportunities for funding for waste treatment facilities and systems?

      I tend to learn about them after the program is OVER. Like years later.
      You might remember GE had a program for methane digesters.
      How do communities find stuff like this?

      1. Free Meerkats*

        I have no idea! I’m not involved in any kind of funding. The only financial stuff I’m involved in is preparing high strength bills for our permitted users; and those aren’t insignificant. We brought in over $550,000 from fees and surcharges last year.

  59. Rincat*

    Parents with toddlers and babies – how do you deal with fatigue? I thought I was tired with just the toddler but #2 is on the way. I’m stressing about how to get it all done and still find time to sleep and also having meaningful family time together.

    1. Murphy*

      (Mother of an 11 month old.) I have more commiseration than I do advice. It’s really hard! I kind of accept that during the week, a lot of things just aren’t going to happen. Eventually I prioritized sleep, since it was the number one factor in me losing it when things get hard. I go to bed early, and we don’t get a lot of family time except for dinner, and don’t get a lot of chores done. Really just the bare minimum. I’m sure I could do a better job of managing things than I do.

    2. Jessie the First (or second)*

      Ditto Murphy – be willing to let things go. Do not do now what you can put off til later. Seriously, clutter isn’t so bad. ;-)

      If you get a chance to nap, TAKE IT. Do you have a partner? Partner can do things like take toddler away from the house on weekends so that the house is quiet for you (assuming you’re the one carrying the baby in this equation and may be nursing baby at night). Remember that you alone are not responsible for arranging that “family time” and also that family time can be as simple as “eat popcorn together and watch Blue’s Clue’s with toddler” if it needs to be.

      I found daily walks with baby helpful. (If you can get a double stroller so you can take both kids, that can be good too.) Exercise can actually increase your energy level – plus, added bonus, a walk keeps kids occupied and lets you have a minute of quiet.

    3. einahpets*

      Coffee. Lots of coffee.

      I do pay waaaay more attention to my sleep hygiene now than I ever did before kids (mine are 5 and 2). And honestly, sometimes (more often than not recently) drop things that are not musts (like cleaning or folding clothes) in favor of sleep. There was one night this week where I was in bed at 8pm and I’m not even ashamed about it.

      On family time: during the week my husband and I definitely tag team — I leave for work before the girls wake up, he does all the morning getting ready, and I do the pick up / dinner /evening. We try and have one weeknight a week where we are both home in the evening, and we try to spend a decent amount of together each weekend.

      1. einahpets*

        Also I’ve found it helpful for me to midday go for a walk (I live in southern California) to wake me up versus a cup of coffee.

      2. President Porpoise*

        I cut out caffeine two weeks ago – I have never slept better or been as rested in my 22 month old daughter’s life.

        1. einahpets*

          That’s great for you.

          I don’t drink much caffeine after lunch most days, and I’ve found that that works best for me sleep wise to the best rested.

    4. Armchair Analyst*

      Not gonna lie – I have 2 under 3 + a 3rd grader and I take a sleep aid almost every night. My husband doesn’t. (I want one of us to be sober just in case!) Also — meaningful family time is sometimes a lie.

      1. Murphy*

        I take sleep meds too. I had some insomnia before the baby was born, but once she started sleeping through the night, my body had a hard time adjusting to not needing to be awake.

    5. Rincat*

      Thank you everyone for your comments! For more context – I have a husband who is very engaged and we share household/child rearing duties in a fair way – not always a 50/50 split but it shifts depending on our needs at the time, so I feel like I have an excellent partner who can be counted on to pull his weight.

      I have been thinking of doing walks together in the evenings as much as we can. We could all use the exercise, and the dogs would love it.

      I think I might be falling into the trap of “you must DO IT ALL perfectly or your children will be irreversibly damaged!” It helps to hear what other families are doing and reframe how I think about what actually *needs* to get done, and how I view our time together.

      1. Murphy*

        That sound a lot like my family too! We want to do more evening walks together too, once it warms up a bit more.

        I don’t know anyone for whom “DOING IT ALL” is actually a thing. We do what we can. Decide what’s most important and concentrate on that. Not always easy to do in the moment, but I try!

      2. Jessie the First (or second)*

        We have picked a few things that really do have to get done daily (like, cat litter must be clean) and a few things that can just be ignored (so, for us, that means we get dressed out of the piles of clean laundry – it is a rare event for either of us to bother folding and putting away).

        Kids are happiest to have your attention. They don’t care that the dinner pan from yesterday is still in the sink. Or that you are wearing the same pants as yesterday because you didn’t do laundry. Or that dinner is scrambled eggs because you haven’t had time to grocery shop yet. Give yourself permission to lower the bar for what makes a day successful. I also know that our kids have been happiest with some family time moments that seem pretty simple – story time at night, a movie party (which for them means we all sit in the tv room and eat pizza and watch some Disney movie), 15 minutes of a hide and seek game, a walk to the nearby playgound where they can show us how high they can jump and we ooh and ahh over their mad skillz.

        1. Rincat*

          Laundry piles – there’s one living on my sewing machine that will probably not go away until both my kids get to school age!

      3. Jules the 3rd*

        Your kids will be better with flexible, rested parents than with a clean house. That’s what my mom told me, and I think she’s right.

      4. GG*

        I’ve been in your shoes! (I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old) What I found was that some things will just give. Spend the time together with your family, especially the walks! It’s always easy when both kids are contained! Figure out what doesn’t matter as much to you – ok with eating on paper plates during the week? Do it. Do you really need to vacuum that often? Then don’t. Can you combine that load of laundry with another? It will wait (thank you wrinkle release feature on the dryer!). My older child wants to help, so I find things that she can do – she puts away all her dishes from the dishwasher. She “folds” washcloths and sorts socks. She’s an excellent diaper – thrower- outer!

        As far as sleep is concerned – during the week I drink an insane amount of coffee. On the weekends, I get one day to sleep in and my husband gets the other. Eventually you will become used to functioning on less sleep. It will get better!

      5. einahpets*

        A running joke in my immediate family is how horribly misleading social media can be for parenting nowadays. I don’t post/share the messes or the sibling fights or the tantrums (unless they are hilarious) or the nights where everyone is eating cereal for dinner, but if I get a really really cute picture of my girls while we are out doing something fun on the weekends? Yeah.

        So I force myself not to look at my Instagram or FB feeds with friends’ kids* around the same age on bad days/nights/weeks. I’ve found I’m happier when I shut off the phone and open my kindle (or do some yoga) instead.

        *Except for Honest Toddler / Bunmi Laditan. There are some nights where I just go read some of her older posts to center myself, heh.

      6. Traveling Teacher*

        Once I started working again, I found that when I only did the things that I found meaningful/that I wanted to do with my kid, the rest just fell in to place (or I stopped worrying about it). Once I let go of having to cook every single piece of food for her myself or keep the floor clean 100 percent of the time, I was a lot happier.

        I decided, I want us to read lots of books together, and I want to get outside more instead of cleaning the house so much, so I started doing just that instead of trying to also do the laundry, cook meals, and clean the windows at the same time. I also gave up on having a perfectly organized house in every room (was really grinding down my happiness more than I realized after moving and being super-stressed about unpacking/perfecting every room!) It’s not perfect, but I’m a lot happier now, in spite of the mess.

        Also, I almost never buy toys. I belong to a toy library (in a major city), so we check out a new one each week, actually a pretty fun family outing where we also get something done for free! My tot has plenty already, and I decided early on (after many years babysitting and nannying) that I wasn’t going to fall into the trap of buying lots of toys for every occasion. (This is probably my only pre-baby resolution that I’ve stuck to 100 percent, and I think it greatly reduces our stress because there’s a lot less kid stuff to manage…) We’ve also received quite a few hand me down toys from friends who are decluttering–a win-win for everyone!

    6. straws*

      I’m in the exact same scenario – toddler with 1 on the way. I prioritize sleep as much as I can, and I practice sleep hygiene as best as my life will allow. Having set routines to settle my mind and ensure the best sleep environment is important for me. I have a sleeping disorder, so this was an issue for me even before kids, but having one has really amped up my sleeping game.

      I’ve accepted that I can’t get everything done. Is my house pristine? Heck no. Is it clean enough that my child won’t contract diseases? Definitely (probably…) I’m ok with some clutter because it means my child is playing and I’m prioritizing that & sleep over tidiness.

    7. Thlayli*

      Mother of two, 14 months apart! I used to have a box of red bull by my bed (coz no hot drinks around the babies). If you are breastfeeding coffee is out though – unless you want your baby to refuse to nap! To be perfectly honest I don’t know anyone who did “2 under 2” without some help. My mother came over ever day to let me sleep for a couple hours. One of my friends had her sister come every day for a few months. Other women I know got au pairs or left their eldest in daycare during maternity leave, at least part time. That way you still get to nap when baby naps.

      If you absolutely have no help, I highly recommend the contented baby and toddler routine by Gina ford. Some people love her and some hate her, and I personally didn’t follow every piece of her advice, but when it comes to schedules for naps and feeds it’s the best – on days that I had no help and managed to stick to the routine, their afternoon nap would overlap significantly so I could nap also.

    8. AMT27*

      For me the key was just deciding that anything not absolutely important didnt need to get done. Sometimes ever. So laundry has to be done 1 to 2 times per week, I vacuum and sweep regularly, but dont bother trying to find the energy to do the more optional stuff like mopping and dusting as often as I should. I made my kids help as much as they could – even at two, give the toddler a damp washcloth and you can at least wind up with clean baseboards (a thing I would never bother to clean with limited time and energy). Once you get past the initial hump of sleepless nights things get easier – the baby starts sleeping more, the toddler gets more independent. Once my oldest was potty trained and could dress herself it felt like there were three more hours to my day lol. Also, meaningful family time can mean a lot of things – for me its my kids folding laundry together so we can all flop on the sofa and watch a movie later that night. They’re still learning that ‘family time’ doesnt have to mean ‘fun outside the house activity’, but that doesn’t make the time we spend getting through the day together at home meaningless. So: try to let go of the unimportant stuff and learn to be ok with things being a bit crazy, and just remember that its temporary.

      1. Rincat*

        I feel like I have let go of a lot of stuff. I was never one to really overcommit in my personal life, so I feel like if I let go of even more stuff, and lower the bar even more, then our house will just be a pigsty and all I would do is sleep on the couch from the time I get home until the next morning. I’m afraid of lowering the bar too much! Also – I’m kind of a slob at home, so when I say “pigsty” I truly mean it – not just “I have an immaculate house and consider a few out of place pillows a pigsty”.

        1. AMT27*

          I was not a very clean and orderly person before kids, and I also felt a bit wary of lowering the bar more. But with kids I’ve found it almost easier – for instance, I *have* to vacuum weekly or I get ants (kids=crumbs). Which means getting all the toys and junk off the floor, but I refuse to do it. So I trained my kids on that early – if I say I’m going to vacuum they go running to pick their stuff up out of the way, because my rule is if it is on the floor when I come through with the vacuum it goes in the garbage. I only had to follow through once when they were about 1 and 4 years old, and since then they’ve never risked getting their things thrown out by not picking them up). But really, its about identifying what are absolute ‘must dos’ and what is optional – most days I have a mental list of 5-6 things I want to get done at home/in my personal life that I prioritize. Items 1 and 2 might be things that absolutely HAVE to be done (grocery shopping because we are out of milk and bread, etc). All the rest is optional. If I get to items 3 and 4 that is awesome. I know that item #6 will roll over to the next days’ list for the next 6 months, because its something I eventually need to deal with but its actually not urgent or super important, and thats ok. Its on the list so IF I get that far down the list I’ll do it, but I go in knowing I will likely never cross off everything on the list. Knowing that makes me feel less stressed about completing all the tasks, and makes successful days of doing 4 things feel like a win, not a failure.

  60. Amber T*

    Really good a budgeting and personal finance. It can be a sensitive topic for a lot of people, but I love helping people with their budgets, going over what they spend, seeing if there’s wiggle room to cut costs (and sometimes there’s not!), figuring out what their goals are and how they can reach them.

      1. Amber T*

        Honestly, this differs for everyone. For me, and probably a lot of people, I overspend on food, both groceries and restaurants (two separate categories in my budget, and I treat them very differently). I live right next to a major supermarket, and I have an awful habit of “I’m in the mood for X snack, I’m gonna swing by the supermarket on my way home and pick it up.” Not good for the budget (or the waist line). If I do that once a week at $5 each time, that’s ~$20 a month. That’s a significant portion of my grocery budget that’s just on a whim.

        I think a lot of people are surprised at what they’re actually paying in utilities. A lot of people pay their cable bill without a second thought, or let Hulu/Netflix/Spotify/everything autopay every month. Go through these automatic charges and see how often you really use them. I use Hulu all the time so it’s worth keeping, but honestly, I don’t remember the last time I used Netflix. If I canceled it this month, would I miss it? I should try canceling it, and there’s always the ability to renew if I do. Same thing with the cable bill – how many channels do you watch? Can you get rid of a few, and renew if you miss them?

        To find the invisible spending, try tracking every purchase for a month or two. I use Mint and Personal Capital (almost all of my spending is on credit cards for cash back deals – I’m not to be trusted with cash anyway), so it does the tracking for me. From there, figure out what you’re spending your money on.

        I just looked at mine, and I spent $40 on video games this month. Whoops. I try to buy one new game a month for myself, and I bought two, because I didn’t check. So apparently video games are on the invisible overspending areas too.

    2. Curious Cat*

      I desperately need help on starting to put money in retirement (not sure if this is included in what you’re good with). Making roughly $1900/biweekly paycheck (pre-tax), but also spending about the equivalent of one post-tax check on my monthly rent. I’m young (22), but want to start putting money away. What percentage of my paychecks should I be putting into retirement at this stage in my life? 10%? 15%? (I think I could realistically afford 11% but not sure if that’s too low!)

      1. Ashley*

        If you think you can do 11% do that. You can always change it later. Don’t let uncertainty about how much is enough stop you from doing any now.

        1. Curious Cat*

          Thanks for responding! That’s what I was thinking (that some money going in is better than no money going in), but I just wasn’t sure what an appropriate amount would be. I’ll definitely begin to raise the percentage over time, but it’s nice to hear that I should go ahead and do what I can.

      2. Jesmlet*

        I’m a few years older than you but I put 10% into my company’s 401k and then keep about 1 years worth of expenses in savings/checking accounts and put everything else on a quarterly basis into various mutual funds, etc. My goal when I started was to have at least 75% of my assets in the market (per advice from my financial whiz father)

        1. Amber T*

          Mutual funds are the way to go! I would reconsider putting more into the 401k if you can though (I’m not sure if 10% is the max you’re comfortable with) – since your 401k is pretax, you’ll have less taxable income.

          1. Jesmlet*

            Yeah unfortunately I’m in a super high COL area and that’s the most I can do without chiseling away at my cushion. Some months I have extra, some I don’t.

      3. Amber T*

        I’m of the opinion that the most you can do, the better! Especially when you’re young. So that’s awesome that you’re thinking ahead! Spending half of your take home pay on rent is hard – been there! Don’t miss it all haha. Some follow up questions –
        – What kind of of retirement savings are you doing? (I’m in the US – if you’re outside the US I might not be of much help)
        – Do you have an emergency fund, and if so, how much? (in terms of how many months of expenses can it cover)
        – If you put in the 11%, will that leave you with $0 after rent and other expenses?

        1. Curious Cat*

          1) My employer offers a 401(k)
          2) I do have a savings account for emergencies with a few thousand in it (somewhere between $3-4k, can’t remember exact number off the top of my head)
          3) If I’ve done the math correctly, I *believe* I should be left with roughly $1000

          1. Amber T*

            Awesome! Honestly, you’re on a really awesome path here. Keep contributing to that 401k, especially if you’re getting an employer match! Another recommendation would be to look into opening an IRA – probably a Roth IRA since, at 22, I’m assuming you’re at the beginning of your career and as your progress, your income will grow. I’d recommend Vanguard for their lower fees (though I believe Fidelity also has a low fee option as well? I’ve been with Vanguard now for years and like them). Another next step would be to research *what* you’re investing in. I’m assuming a Target Date Retirement Fund, and those usually have higher fees. We’re getting a little out of my area of expertise here, and with something like this I definitely don’t want to steer you wrong. But with a little research and quarterly/yearly check ins to your account, you could manage your own retirement funds and pay way less fees.

            Emergency fund amounts are personal, but it sounds like you have a good amount saved here too. Rule of thumb is anywhere from 3-12 months of expenses.

            Is the $1000 after expenses like food, gas, utilities, etc? Or just rent?

            1. Anonymous Pterodactyl*

              Hope you don’t mind if I jump in on the investment front!

              If you’re just getting into investing, and you’d like to make reasonably good decisions without taking huge amounts of risk, index funds are a solid play. They’re designed to track the market, so they do well when the stock market does well, and they tend to have significantly lower fees than actively managed funds. They don’t have the highest possible returns, but funds that beat the market by significant amounts tend not to do that on average, so they can actually be better over time.

              How to decide which one to go with? Pick a company you like (I also like Vanguard, and they are where I have my investments and retirement accounts, but I am not otherwise affiliated with them), and find the index fund with the lowest fees (also called expense ratio). There’s a strong inverse correlation in the data between high fees and high returns – the more you pay, the less you tend to get back.

              For Vanguard specifically, Target Retirement funds are probably a good place to start. Their expense ratio tends to be a bit higher, but the minimum is $1000. Other funds start at $3k or $10k IIRC. And “a bit higher” is still only 0.13-0.15%, which is pretty low as fees go.

              You can also look at your financial institution and see if they offer any investment options! My credit union offers investment accounts to members – the minimum to open is $250, which is doable because they pool together all the investments from all the members to meet fund minima.

              1. Sci Fi IT Girl*

                Awesome posts Amber and Pterydactyl. Finances are kind of my thing at work (I am the unofficial advisor). It drives me nuts when the financial folks come in and recommend funds with higher turn over and fees when they have the yearly financial / benefits meeting at work.

                Stocks or mutual funds still carry a risk – and in my opinion worth it. Socking the money into the fund and leaving it there is the best bet. Index funds are easy peasy, have low expense ratios (basically what is costs to run the fund and this fee is in what the fund returns – you are not charged it directly, it just lessens what you get in a return). They also don’t tend to have a lot turn over which is how often stocks in the mutual fund are bought and sold. Generally a lower turn over is a good thing. I prefer Index funds over target retirement funds because the expense and the turn over. Indexes like the S and P 500. This is a preference of mine though – less of a recommendation.

                The most important thing is make it routine to plop money into retirement – so you never see it. It goes straight there to quietly grow and accumulate.

      4. Jules the 3rd*

        Make sure you keep some for short term / medium goals too, though – at least 1mo expenses in cash, 6mo if you can, and a designated account for medium-term big purchases like cars / house / grad school.

        Suze Orman’s books are helpful, practical, and usually available at the library.

    4. DC*

      Oh, following this. I’m an amateur with my own finances, and still getting a handle on balancing things, so I want to see your advice.

    5. Christy*

      Do you prefer Mint or You Need a Budget (YNAB.com)? Any suggestions about how to make a budget and stick to it?
      I’ve tried doing the cash only method, but that doesn’t really work well for me (uber and amazonprime issues, for example). Plus I like to get airline miles. I’ve used YNAB before and it didn’t seem to work well for me. Mint has worked in the past, but my bank has issues synching with Mint so it didn’t always work well. Sometimes I’ve just used excel. Goals are pay off student loans and increase retirement contributions (the government student loan forgiveness program doesn’t help me out – it forgives after 10 years, but with my payment plan it will all be paid off in 10 years anyway – I make too much for the graduated plan – and yes that’s a good problem to have, I know)

      For background… and the ridiculous part… I’m a deputy cfo at a state agency and have worked on state agency budgets for over a decade. So part of this may be one of those “I do it for my job, so I’m sick of it in my personal life”

      1. Snargulfuss*

        I use the app GoodBudget to track my spending in certain catagories where I’m likely to overspend. It’s like the cash envelope system without the bother of actually having to take out cash and keep track of it in an envelope (and yes, it works much better for online purchases). You basically just create categories, give yourself a monthly budget in those categories and then log your spending each time you make a purchase. It’s not linked to your bank account, it’s just a manual tracking system so you can gauge how much you’ve spent and how much you have left each month.

      2. Amber T*

        I use both Mint and Personal Capital (though really just Mint for budgeting purposes – PC for my banks and investments). When I looked into YNAB, it didn’t have the automatic sync feature (or maybe it did and I didn’t realize it?). Either way, I thought you had to input everything manually, and there’s just no way I’m going to do that. As I mentioned above, I make almost all purchases on my credit cards (I have learned that I can’t be trusted with cash – it will be spent and not tracked, so at this point, I will occasionally take cash out for fun money – basically, I just took $60 out and tracked that as “Fun Expense,” and now I can do whatever I want with it and not worry.)

        For budgeting purposes, it’s more important that Mint syncs with my credit cards. Mint has had issues with some of my banks (it doubles my 401k, which I really wish it did in real life!), but I haven’t had any issues with the credit cards. When I started out budgeting, I think I said, “I want to spend $X on groceries, and $Y on dining out, and …etc.” Then I spent how I normally did for a month, watched the bars fill up, and was shook. I reviewed my transactions, I figured out what I spent my money on (oh hey dining out all the frickin time… oh hey random shopping on stuff I didn’t need).

        To help keep myself more accountable (which admittedly, I haven’t been doing in March, which is why my budget may be not fantastic this month), I keep a separate excel and type out every expense that shows up on my CCs. It’s all captured already, but this is just another reminder of “hey, you spent $60 at dinner last night. Just wanted to remind you you did that. Just so you remember. So… do you want to do that again tonight? Really?” I do this about twice a week.

        My main bank is also PNC Virtual Wallet, which lets you sort your money into “envelopes” or mini accounts within their savings accounts. At the beginning of every month, I pre-sort all of my budgeted money ($200 grocery money, $100 pets money, etc.) into the envelopes, and as I spend it ($30 at the supermarket, $10 on cat food), I move it over into an empty-but-growing credit card envelope. So at the end of the month, if my AMEX bill is $400, I have an “envelope” in my bank labeled AMEX that’s filled with $400. I do this about once a week.

        TL;DR – for budgeting, I like Mint, and it works really well with my bank, PNC Virtual Wallet.

        1. EmilyG*

          I used Mint for a long time but switched to YNAB a couple years ago and vastly prefer it. It does have an autosync feature now–the current web-based version is supposedly quite different from the old desktop one. I think it actually has fewer connection problems than Mint. I found that Mint made it really easy to overspend and feel bad about it but not DO anything about it, whereas YNAB makes you really accountable. It combines the autosyncing with envelope budgeting, which is perfect for me.

    6. AliP*

      I’m 28 and a born saver. I contribute to a 401k through work, and also have a Roth IRA where I contribute $400 monthly, and my emergency fund is healthy. I currently have a bunch of cash (about 20k) just sitting in my checking account- what to do with it, beyond what I’m already doing? I’m also recently married and wondering if there’s something my husband and I should do jointly, outside of our individual 401k accounts and the Roth. Thank you!!

      1. Amber T*

        Awesome! Go you!

        So first, what are your goals? $20k can be a lot of cash to have on hand, but if you’re planning on making a large purchase in the near future (like house?). Or any big changes coming up in the near future?

        – Are you and your husband both maxing out your 401ks? (limit is $18,500 each for 2018)
        – Do you both have IRAs? You both can max out IRAs individually (limit is $5,500 for 2018)

        1. AliP*

          We bought a house about two years ago and are currently planning to update the kitchen with money in a separate, shared savings account. We have a few bigger overseas trips we’d like to go on in the next few years, and if we decide to have kids that would also be in the next 3-7 years. Even longer term, we want to be able to help our parents/step parents in their old age.

          I am not maxing out my 401k, though he is. He doesn’t have an IRA, though I do.

          1. Amber T*

            Got it. So it sounds like you keep separate finances except for shared stuff like the house?

            The general rule of thumb with the stock market is – any money you put into it, you should plan on keeping it there for 7+ years. It sounds like a lot of your plans are less than that. So honestly, I’d keep that money where it is (or at least in a high interest online savings account – and interest rates are probably going to go up soon). Or, you could invest a portion of that and save some of it. I’d recommend trying to max out your 401k first before investing whatever amount you’d want to do.

            1. AliP*

              Yep- we have a shared account and then our own accounts, which has worked well for us so far.

              This is really helpful! I think I’ll start with the 401k and then see where that takes me. I actually kinda like having the money in the checking account- it makes me feel accomplished- but I felt guilty that I wasn’t Doing Things with it. But now I have my 401k goal as a place to start, and I’m feeling good about it! Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question!

              1. Amber T*

                You’re welcome! Even if it feels like it’s “doing nothing,” sometimes that’s just the right answer!

                And I meant to address the helping parents/stepparents down the line too and it slipped my mind while I was answering before. This is starting to get out of my area of expertise, but check with them to see what they want/need. Unless you plan on having them move in with you, a lot of their future expenses won’t come out of your pocket (I don’t think – again, we’re creeping out of my area). But this will ring true for a lot money-things in general – you can’t plan for everything. So without knowing specific situations, if you want to be cautious, all the more reason to keep that money close by and safe.

                Here are some high interest savings accounts – I personally have accounts with Goldman Sachs Marcus and Barclays and have been happy with them: http://rates.savingsaccounts.com/savings-and-money-market-accounts?fb=1&CCID=20214667204374836&QTR=ZZf20821137Za20214667Zg255Zw0Zm0Zc204374836Zs3086ZZ&CLK=463180322115047091&ac=003&ad=242326858792&sp=&fb=high%20interest%20savings&mt=e&aceid=&adposition=1t4&dev=c&src=574253&PPCAd=TodaysRates4&&WT.srch=1

    7. catsaway*

      Well I’m just asking questions today, I’ll find something to offer…
      I’m starting a post doc in a few months. I will be able to open a 403b, but as far as I can tell there is no employer contribution. Given that I already have a Roth IRA, won’t be missing out on any free money, will be getting married this year, and know that our combined income will be less than 75k this year (at the high end…) and that a post doc might only be a year or two I don’t think its worth it to open a new retirement account for the current tax savings, as opposed to the future ones I’m getting with the Roth IRA. Am I missing something here?

      1. Amber T*

        (first, I love your username!)

        I’m pretty sure you’re right. We’re getting a little away from my area here with specific tax situations, but if you’re sure you’re not getting a match, IRA (Roth in your case) comes before 403b/401k. The *only* reason that might not be the case is if your employer’s 403b plans’ fees are lower than your Roth IRA fees, so that *might* be looking into, but the likelihood that is low tbh, and the difference would be a PITA to calculate in the long run. So I think you got it right!

        1. catsaway*

          Thanks for confirming my intuition. I can’t imagine that the institution 403b fees would be lower – I have a handful of mutual funds from Schwab with free trades and very low expense ratios.

          1. Amber T*

            They never are… my 401k Target Date was at 1.05% at Fidelity, where my Roth IRA Target Date at Vanguard is sitting pretty at 0.15%. Ridiculous. I’ve changed my funds in my 401k so my future investments are going into lower fee funds, but I have to personally manage that which is more daunting, but interesting. That was one of those “cover all your bases” answers :)

    8. Emily*

      What should I do if I have a lot of money just sitting in my bank account? I know that in theory I am supposed to invest it in things and put it into other types of accounts, but figuring out how much to move around, what exactly to do with it (and how to start that process), and how to keep track of it afterwards (I don’t have any real financial organization system) sounds daunting.

      (I am a mid-twenties graduate student living on a typical PhD stipend and am currently making more money than I spend. I have around 50k in combined checking/savings mostly due to luck/privilege – my parents covered a lot of costs for me, including my college and my car, without anyone needing to take out loans – and a little bit due to frugality. I know that I don’t need that much in the bank, but I don’t really know what I should be doing with the rest of it.)

      1. Amber T*

        Awesome for spending below your means! It can be really tempting to overspend if you don’t have a lot of expenses, so kudos for sticking it in the bank.

        – I’m not super familiar with how PhD stipend programs work. Are you technically employed by your college/university? Does it offer a 403b program? If the stipend counts as compensation (I’m pretty sure it does but please correct me if it doesn’t), you’re eligible to open an IRA.
        – If you’re eligible for an IRA, I would open a Roth IRA now and just start putting money in it monthly. I’d recommend Vanguard ($1000 to open, probably a Target Retirement Fund to start since their easiest). You could theoretically throw all $5,500 in it now if you really wanted.
        – If you’re eligible for a 403b problem, find out more! Your take home pay will decrease, but so will your taxable income. Saving for retirement is never a bad idea.
        – What are your plans for after you graduate? I’m guessing there’s still a lot in the air, as far as location, where you’ll work and live? Maybe you’ll buy a house? Maybe you’ll move across the country? There’s nothing wrong with holding on to cash if you’re there are going to be changes in your immediate (less than ~5ish years) future. Just be sure you’re sticking it in a high interest savings account.
        – If you want to invest and have already maxed out the retirement accounts you’re eligible for, the finance forums I read recommend opening up a brokerage account (again, I recommend Vanguard) and investing in VTSAX (Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund). I think if you’re at that point, though, head over to some personal finance forums and do some poking around.

        1. Emily*

          I don’t have a very good understanding of how it works, but I’m pretty sure I’m not eligible for a 403b and not sure if my stipend counts as compensation. This link/catsaway’s comment below suggests that it isn’t (I don’t receive a W2; all of my income is reported on a 1099 MISC).

          I don’t plan to buy a house after graduating, but cross-country moves/other big life changes are definitely not outside of the realm of possibility! That makes me feel a little better about having a large amount of money in the bank, but I know that peers who (probably) have less money than I do are already investing in things, which makes me suspect I’m not doing as much as I’m “supposed to”.

          If I can’t do a Roth IRA because of income technicalities (and I guess I’ll double check with my classmates to see what they do), would you suggest going straight to brokerage account, or are there other options?

          1. Amber T*

            I’ll let catsaway handle the IRA questions for you because I don’t want to steer you wrong on that front!

            I say down below somewhere (or above?) – the general rule of thumb with the stock market is only put money there that you’re not going to need for 7+ years. I’m going to be honest, I’m not 100% on the up and up on the tax implication on investing in non-investment accounts, so I would recommend popping into some personal finance boards and forums and poking around. That being said, I’ll sing Vanguard’s praises again for their low fees, and everything I’ve read has pointed me to investing in VTSAX.

            That being said, you’re not blowing your money on crazy and unnecessary things. As much as I’m for investing, I’m also a pretty cautious person, so since you’re not sure of where you’re going to be in a couple of years, I think it’s ok to hold on to that money in cash too. Standard plan once you get access to a 401k/403b:
            – 401k/403b up to the company match
            – IRA (Roth or Traditional depending on your circumstances – *probably* Roth early in your career) to max
            – max out 401k/403b

            There are other things to invest/contribute to, like HSAs if the company offers them. Keep being frugal, stick to a budget, and I think you’ll be fine!

      2. catsaway*

        Hi fellow PhD student! I’d earmark a certain amount as an emergency fund (3 – 6 months of living expenses in case of job loss/moving after your PhD, and/or money for major, urgent costs like your primary mode of transportation breaks or you fall off your bike and need to pay your full deductible for the surgery) and then seen what’s leftover. What’s leftover can go into a savings account with a longer term goal. Open up a brokerage account with a firm like Schwab or Vanguard and invest some of that money into low cost mutual funds/ETFs. I have an individual contribution account that I say is for a down payment. If you’re not on a fellowship (i.e. you get a W2 and not a 1099 misc) you could also open your own Roth IRA through a brokerage firm. (Disclaimer – I’m a PhD student and not a tax lawyer but with what I’ve read and as far as I can tell if you get a W2 for your stipend you can contribute to a Roth IRA but if you get a 1099 Misc you can’t contribute to a Roth IRA)

        1. Emily*

          Hello! Yes, unfortunately I do get a 1099 MISC and not a W2, so it sounds like (based on what you’re saying and what Google is saying) I can’t contribute to a Roth IRA. Do you have experience investing money into low cost mutual funds/ETFs? Is there a difference between the two, or a certain amount of money that I should be putting in?

          Also, I just realized that you and Amber T both mentioned high interest savings accounts. Currently all of my money is in the credit union that I started with, which does not have particularly high interest rates. I’d rather not change banks, but is another bank account something that I should be looking into?

          1. catsaway*

            Yes, I have a Roth IRA and a generic brokerage account. The only stock I have is some stock I received as a gift from family members. You can research mutual funds/ETFs on the website of whatever brokerage firm you end up using and through google. I use Schwab but I’m able to buy Vanguard mutual funds. Do research on your own but my mutual funds and ETFs cover different ‘markets’ (large companies, international firms, small companies, US Treasury bonds etc) and have different levels of risk/return. You can even just buy bonds or CDs if you want to play it safe. Most funds have $100 – $1000 minimum for a first buy, but buying additional shares is less than that.
            I don’t think I mentioned high interest savings, but I don’t think that they are a thing anymore. I remember when I was in high school my savings account got 4% but that doesnt happen anymore.

          2. Amber T*

            I’ve never been with a credit union before (I’m not eligible for anything I don’t think). What’s the savings rate currently? The high interest savings accounts are going for ~1.5%, but if the rumors are to be believed, rates are going to go up soon.

            You wouldn’t have to shut your current account down. You could just open an online account somewhere and transfer the bulk (or as much as you want) of your money over.

    9. Librarygal30*

      I think I need a lot more help than what can be done here in the comment section! Trying to get things together after moving from a very part-time job to a full-time one, and I need a LOT of help in budgeting, i.e. what needs to be in it, how long do I budget for (bi-weekly, when I get paid), or monthly? Do I need to make separate lists of what I want to have vs. what I need to survive. I’m currently not paying any sort of rent, so how do I figure that into a budget, when I want to move out in the future, but don’t have any set timelines?

      1. Amber T*

        Haha it can get very daunting. Baby steps!

        – When you say biweekly, do you mean you get paid every other week? (That’s honestly the worst for budgeting… you’d think it would make it easier but it’s such a pain.) I would act like you get paid twice a month and treat that random third-a-month pay check as a bonus (to be used for savings!).
        – Make two lists – what are your fixed (definite) expenses (not rent, but do you pay for a phone, or utilities that don’t change, etc.) and variable expenses (food, gas, etc.) Fixed expenses won’t change, but figure out how much you’d like to spend on the rest, and how much you really are. Sign up for Mint/Personal Capital/Good Budget/YNAB/one of the many budgeting tools.
        – You don’t have any set time lines – but do you have a sorta timeline you’d like? Do you want to move out in a couple of months? In around a year? When you do, are you going to stay in the area? How much to rentals near you cost? How much is it going to cost to move? How long will you need to save that much money? (This seems like a lot of questions, which can get overwhelming (sorry!), but I’m trying to break it down into manageable steps.)

      2. catsaway*

        Not a finance expert but I like budgets and tracking my money. I budget monthly because monthly is how most bills are due, but I’m also paid monthly so that makes it easier. Over the summer I was paid bi-weekly for an internship and it kinda f**ed up my budgeting process.
        As for the actual budget, start by writing down expenses, in descending order of need and compare that to your income over the same period of time. Large expenses in rough order of need: Housing and utilities, food, transportation, insurance, clothes, entertainment etc, plus savings. For housing, figure out about how much the type of housing you’ll want costs (studio, one bedroom, room in shared house/apartment) and use that figure. Maybe while you still have no actual housing expenses, save up that amount for a security deposit, furniture/stuff you’ll need or just a general savings account.
        Budgeting can be as detailed or as general as you need or want. You just have to decide your priorities. Although some items are more necessary than others, how you spend your discretionary income is a personal choice and not everyone will make the same choices – which is ok! (As long as your choices aren’t forcing others to support you because you can’t pay rent or buy groceries)

    10. she was a fast machine*

      I really appreciate you acknowledging that sometimes there isn’t a way to cut costs; I can’t count the number of times I was told just cancel netflix and stop getting coffee and you’ll save so much money! Meanwhile I had a grand total of eight bills(car insurance, storage unit, credit card bill, my share of rent, electricity, internet, and water, and my phone bill) and about $100 for groceries and gas for the whole month. Thank god I’m out of that hole but the worst part of it all was the so-called experts telling me to dump my family heirlooms so I could save $40/mo and just cut back on that damn avocado toast!

      1. Amber T*

        Millenials and that avocado toast, am I right? Then you’d be a millionaire!!!!11!!1!1

        Once I had my budget down, I admit I was of that mindset that of course everyone could cut costs and do more! It was actually a post here, and the comment section that followed, that really opened my eyes and shut my mouth (an admin’s boss wanted to do surveys with underpaid workers to see if everyone was dedicated to their work, which the LW thought was an awful idea). The comments especially made me realize that I was privileged and in a fortunate enough position to realize that my budget was a little generous in certain areas, or that if I went a little over budget it wouldn’t be awful.

        1. she was a fast machine*

          It can be really hard for people who’ve never experienced it personally to realize what it means to be so incredibly tight, but thankfully people are willing to listen and change their minds when they see what others experience.
          That post you’re referencing was really great to read and I was so happy to be able to share my experience in the comments so I’m glad it had an effect on someone else to!

      2. Anxa*

        Same here!

        I was so desperate for financial advice, and every I turned, the advice was geared toward people who were in such a different situation from me.

        Another thing that irked me? Just go deliver pizzas on the weekend! I had been applying for years for jobs like that and it was so insulting to assume someone could just waltz into a pizza place and get a job, as if those weren’t competitive, too. Plus, you know, you need a car for that. We had a car, but it’s old. Too old for Uber, so I was also getting frustrated at that suggestion.

        Meanwhile a $1 avocado was such a great breakfast for me. Made me feel full, could save 1/2 as a snack, made me feel good, didn’t need to be refrigerated at work, easy to prepare, and fast to eat. It’s an excellent option for a lot of cash-strapped people. Super calorie dense foods were a must, so I could eat between appointments without having to take an unpaid lunch hour (1 hour’s post tax wage was more than my daily grocery budget, so this was critical).

        1. she was a fast machine*

          Yes!! So many people who assume you drive a new 4-door car and can just “pick up” a side gig on the weekends or evenings. That’s not how it works, unfortunately. My roommate worked a weekend job for years and it took her a good six months of solid searching even to find her bare-bones entry-level retail job that would hire her.

          I hope you’re in at least a slightly better situation now!

  61. Geologist*

    So I am a geologist but I don’t work in the typical environmental sector or with oil/gas companies. I work with substructure construction (roadways/bridges) as part of the engineering team.

    I love questions. So if you have any ask.

    1. Armchair Analyst*

      So…. what happened there at Florida International University? So terrible!

      What different soils or environments have you worked in?

      1. Geologist*

        We’ve been speculating about that in our office since it happened! We won’t get the whole picture until the NTSB investigation is over though. They were performing post tensioning in the span after it was in place. That seems a likely failure point.

        I’ve never really had to deal with tundra or soils that experience heavy freeze-thaw. But I have worked in both mountainous and coastal environments on the east coast.

    2. Shishimai*

      Your job sounds really cool. :D

      My area is very prone to.. uh, rapid erosion (rocks on highways all the way up to landslides). We have lots of shale and sandstone and freeze/thaw cycles and heavy weather. They put in some cool catch-nets above one particular road, that look like a line of metal fence-posts with a chain sheet hanging down between.

      While these do in fact keep most of the falling rocks off the road, it seems to me like eventually the rock’s going to weather out from around the posts. Is there something cool they did underground to make it so the posts won’t eventually be what’s falling on the road?

      1. Geologist*

        Rockfall mitigation systems are really neat! Unfortunately there’s nothing special about the posts typically. They are just deeply embedded into the rock so that over the lifespan of the system they won’t come out either from weathering, being struck, or a sectional failure.

    3. Little Twelvetoes*

      My nine-year-old’s current future dream job is geologist. Do you have any fun ideas for me to encourage his love of rocks? We’re planning on attending a local rock and gem show in a couple of months, but it isn’t enough to fill his need for more rock love.

      1. Brownie*

        When you’re out and about running errands with him stop at buildings made of stone and ask questions about the stone it’s made out of (this is especially fun in large downtown areas where there’s lots of different types of stone). Field trips to the local tile/stone shop to look at the different kinds or even stop by the hardware store’s tile area and make a game out of “is that a real stone tile or is it ceramic?” Stop anywhere there’s rounded gravel used as landscaping and talk to him about how so many different colors of rock could have ended up together and which of the rocks is the coolest. If you can get your hands on geologic maps (lots of them are printable online) of places like the Grand Canyon those are excellent for rainy/indoor days of “how did the rocks get that shape?” Atlases or those big coffee table books about the earth can usually be found cheap too and are good for indoor activities too. Check used bookstores for cheap travel guides, lots of those feature geologic sites/sights for him to oooo and ahhhh over, especially towns or buildings which have been built into cliffs. If he’s okay on the internet Atlas Obscura has lots of fascinating geologic things he could read about as well.

      2. Ethyl*

        Geologist here, I worked for many years in environmental remediation and now do something totally different but still love the field. I recommend the Roadside Geology series for learning about your area (https://geology.com/store/roadside-geology.shtml) and for fun on trips. Local/state/national parks are usually in really interesting or unique areas and you can probably find out a lot about their geology online or at the visitor centers. And try googling something like “your city/state mineral/fossil collecting sites” and go hunting!

        1. Geologist*

          I want to second the Roadside Geology series. They are a great resource and even the engineers I work with find it fascinating.

          1. Little Twelvetoes*

            I ordered the book (along with a pocket magnifier) from the website (provided by Ethyl) on that Thursday afternoon – standard shipping, and it arrived on…MONDAY. Wow! Amazing! That site gets the double-thumbs up from me!

            Thank-you!

      3. Little Twelvetoes*

        Thank-you for the suggestions! I’m copying them down since this post is getting chock-full and my tab keeps crashing!

  62. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

    Hiyis! I can answer questions on InDesign or print production in general. I can also answer questions on communications for higher ed, and I can give tips on moving as well since I seem to do it A LOT.

    1. KP1022*

      We are going to look at a house today and it’s a very spur-of-the-moment thing! We’ve been in our house for 10 years. HELP me figure out where to start with moving?? I am so overwhelmed at the prospect.

      1. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

        OK! First of all, breathe. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to be fine!
        The first place I always start is the kitchen–the out-of-the-way stuff you don’t use every day. The holiday platters, the Thanksgiving stuff, the pasta maker you use once a year, the tablecloths. It’s a surprising amount of stuff and you will feel very fabulous once you pack those away. MWAHAHAHAHAH!
        Second place? Art. It doesn’t get in the way of your day-to-day, and yet you feel SUUUUPER accomplished.
        Next, and where I get stuck? Books. If you are grabbing free boxes from grocery stores and whatnot, look for boxes with handles. HANDLES.
        Also, wardrobe boxes are a godsend–lift right from the closet onto the wardrobe box bar. BOOM!
        And…congratulations on the new house!

        1. KP1022*

          Thank you so much!! Excellent advice.

          Actually, now that I’ve got you – I’m mostly self-taught in InDesign and consider myself pretty proficient. I thought I’d hear somewhere that you could do a PS-style clipping mask in InDesign to get a photo into a shape. I’ve tried to Google it but it seems to be called something different in ID. Do you know how/if this is possible?

          2. AnnaMakesThings*

            I’m a little rusty on my InDesign, but I think you could draw a vector shape and then place your photo into it. Not as sure about an option for a photoshop style eraseable mask though.

          3. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

            This isn’t perfect–you’re better off putting together a clipping path in PS–but, you can detect edges of a graphic within ID.
            1) Select an imported graphic, and choose Object > Clipping Path.
            2) In the Clipping Path dialog box, choose Detect Edges in the Type menu. …
            3) Specify the clipping path options, and click OK.

    2. Solidus Pilcrow*

      Is In Design the successor to PageMaker? From what I’ve seen of ID’s interface, it looks similar. I learned PageMaker a long time ago (when it was still Aldus instead of Adobe) and I’m wondering if the basics transfer over, such as flows, master pages, and the like.

      What types of jobs/work are you doing in In Design? I’m a tech writer and most of my work has been in desktop publishing software (FrameMaker) or HTML/XML tools (lately been using MadCape Flare) with a bunch of Microsoft Office thrown in. Would In Design be a useful tool to add to my skillset?

      1. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

        InDesign is the successor to PageMaker. Ah, yes, Aldus, I remember it well (sob). I don’t think it transfers over all that much, though. I do agree that it’s a useful tool to add to your skillset, and b/c you’ve had lots of desktop publishing experience, it shouldn’t take you long to get up to speed.

  63. ProximaCentauri*

    I’m good at public speaking, both for large groups and smaller groups/teams. I’m naturally an introverted person; it’s something I had to learn. So, you’d have to be naturally good at it, it’s something you can learn.

    1. fuzevutr*

      When I have to speak to a group that’s “too large” (more than four or six?), I start speaking faster & faster & spontaneously develop a cough that gets worse the longer I speak. I’m sure everyone cringes watching me struggle through. At this point, I simply avoid it at all costs since it’s become just too embarrassing. Any suggestions?

      1. Christy*

        I have the issue of talking too fast. If I’m going off of a script, I will draw a smiley face at the end of certain sections as a reminder to slow down and breath (if I wrote “Slow down” I’m afraid I’d say out loud Slow Down). It has worked for me.

      2. ProximaCentauri*

        Work on deep breathing exercises before your presentation, about 15 minutes if you can spare it. Take a deep breath in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 7, and slowly exhale through your mouth for 8. This will calm you do down from the get go.

        During the presentation, don’t be afraid to pause periodically. Take a breath and count to five. If it’s a meeting style (you’re at a table), periodically take a small sip of water. It forces you to pause. Your nerves are probably giving you dry mouth, so the water will help with the cough.

        The best thing you can do, though, is not avoid it. The more you do it, the better you’ll be. Practice in front of some of your friendly co-workers so you feel more comfortable. And find the friendly face in the room. Make sure you’re glancing at that person periodically.

        And always remember, nobody is thinking about your presentation as much as you are. They aren’t going to remember if you talked fast or coughed a bit. They really won’t.

        But most importantly, don’t avoid it. I got good at it because I taught in grad school for a couple of years. They more you do it, the better you get.

        1. ProximaCentauri*

          One last tip. Don’t think of it as a presentation. Try to visualize it as a conversation. When you’re speaking, look at one person and have a (admittedly one sided) conversation with him. After a bit, look at someone else, and have a conversation with her.

            1. Vendelle*

              Coughing can also be a sign of strain and stress. If you’re stressed or nervous about speaking publicly it can really help to think of your anxiety as if it were a dog. It is allowed to follow you around for a while, but as soon as it’s “show time” so to speak, you mentally tell the dog to sit and stay and then you have to trust that it will do as you say. I have tried this extensively, because I get very nervous when asked to speak or sing solo and I find this has really helped me deal with the stress of being in front of a group of people.

              Another thing that helps me is to choose 3 people in the room who are looking positive and who are engaging with what I’m doing. I then focus on those 3 people, looking them in the eye one by one as I’m speaking/singing. This makes me feel like I’m talking to a person rather than a vast headless body of shadows and that takes away some of the scare-factor for me.

              One last thing: people are actually better able to understand you and more likely to believe you when you speak more slowly and leave short pauses between sentences. So every time you finish a sentence, mentally count to three before continuing.

  64. Fuzzyfuzz*

    I’d love to be better at leaving business/phone messages/have a better phone voice in general (I tend to speak too fast)! A tiny part of my job is cold calling, and I rarely receive calls back while my colleague consistently does. Help!

    1. Fiona*

      I used to have a job that entailed leaving a ton of messages and I’d suggest the following:

      – Experiment with speaking SO slowly that you feel slightly ridiculous. I guarantee that you will sound normal on the other end! Our brains always think we’re speaking slower than we actually are.
      – Keep it as short and simple as possible. Without knowing your business, I’d think you could say something like “Hi, I’m Fuzzyfuzz and I’m calling from Fuzzy Teapots. I was calling to see if you’d be interested in learning more about our teapot supply. I can be reached at (123) 456 7890. Again, that number is (123) 456 7890. Looking forward to hearing from you.”
      – It might feel silly, but physically smile as you say all of this. You can really hear a smile in someone’s voice.

    2. patricia*

      For leaving messages, I find writing a message down first helps me stay clear and focused and to the point. Talking too fast isn’t my problem but you may find that reading the message (I practice first a couple times so it doesn’t sound “read” on the recording) will slow you down. If you have a script you can also write a big “SLOW DOWN” on it as a reminder.

      I don’t do this for every voicemail I leave but the situations I use it in would map well to your cold-calling- people I don’t know well but for whom I have a specific request.

      Good luck! Hope you get some other tips!

    3. Jay Bee*

      I came here to say to smile while speaking! Someone already mentioned that but I wanted to emphasize it. It changes so much of the way your voice comes across without even realizing it.

    4. Armchair Analyst*

      I keep my business card visible right by the phone — so I don’t have to remember even my name. I can just read my name, phone number, company name, etc.

    5. Yorick*

      Make sure to give sufficient information, especially if you’re calling the coworker of someone you talked to previously. Don’t assume they know who you are or what you’re talking about.

      Also, consider leaving an email address in addition to a phone number, if it wouldn’t be too long or difficult. In many cases I would prefer to respond by email.

    6. BestAuntInTheWorld*

      I like to leave my name and phone number at the beginning of the message, THEN say why I’m calling (or the actual message). This way when the person goes back to the beginning to write down my name or number, they don’t have to listen to the whole thing again.

    7. a-no*

      I know this is kinda weird, but read out a book out loud. When I was first calling people when I worked as a telemarketer, I speak really slurred and it was suggested to me to read out loud at home as it helps your speech pattern. Also another weird one is smile while you leave the message, it tricks your brain into having a more pleasant tone. I found those worked for me.
      And the most important tip – give the phone number twice, once and then repeat it making sure you are saying it super slow and clear. I usually say”you can call me back at XXX-XXX-XXXX, again my number is XXX-XXX-XXXX and my name is A-No”. If I have to work to get the name or number (like listening a bunch of times), I am not going to call.

    8. BetsCounts*

      Fiona and Patricia are **spot on**. I also suggest making sure you are saying your phone number slowly enough so that someone could WRITE IT DOWN.

    9. Not So NewReader*

      Eavesdrop on your colleague if possible.

      Be sure to say your name and company slowly and clearly. Give the phone number twice.
      Phone connections are so horrible now that they are almost useless.

      Start thinking about hidden tricks. For example your cohort may be selective on who he calls. He maybe doing something to stack the deck in his favor.

  65. Junior Dev*

    My co-worker and team lead is a huge extrovert and external processor. I’ve realized one of my job skills will need to be listening to her figure out what she wants so say for half an hour of unfiltered internal monologue, in circumstances where I would probably write about what I want and try to present it as concisely as possible in a meeting. Any advice on how to work with someone who doesn’t filter or organize her thoughts, and is really excited to work together in a way I personally find overwhelming?

    1. Rincat*

      My mom is an external processor. My best advice is just to be patient, and take the attitude that everything she says is not permanent, not a request, not a “solid” idea until she’s done. I would then summarize what she says like, “Just to make sure I understand, you are saying X and Y?” and synthesize what she said back to her. When I was growing up I thought I had to pay attention to every single thing she said, and take each thought as something to respond to or follow up on – not the case! I also kind of half way listen – I mean pay attention, but just give yourself permission to not pay attention TOO MUCH.

      1. Junior Dev*

        This is helpful, thanks. My last workplace was one where there wasn’t enough communication so I got in the habit of hanging on everything someone said looking for clues. Doing that with my co-worker’s half-formed ideas has been driving me bananas.

        1. Rincat*

          I’ve noticed that my mom doesn’t even fully pay attention to what others are saying, so I don’t feel as much need to put the emotional energy into paying super close attention to everything she says. She is used to people asking her to summarize or something at the end of a monologue, so she’s not offended by that.

          I know that feeling that comes from working in a place with bad communication!

    2. medium of ballpoint*

      You have a couple of options here. You can talk to her about it directly, which she likely wouldn’t take offense to. I’ve found that if external processors are aware of this tendency, they’re usually happy to talk about how that functions in communication with others. If they’re not aware of it, it can be helpful feedback. If you wanted to be less direct, a consistent, “Hang on, I’m getting a bit lost in the details. What’s the takeaway here?” can maybe help shape her behavior so that she’s giving you more of the conclusion and less of the path she took to get there.

    3. Z*

      If you can have a “meta” conversation about workstyles, and get to a place where you both understand and respect that your natural approaches are vastly different and neither is necessarily better than the other, that may help a bit… or at least relieve a bit of the frustration.

    4. Christy*

      Oh I’m your boss in this situation. I’m an external processor and a huge extrovert.

      On my old team, I found out that it was stressing people out (I had NO IDEA). Instead I figured out who I could go to when I needed to talk through a problem and tried to limit it to those people when possible.

      In my role now as a director, I have other external processors around me and that helps. I second the idea of doing a wrap up at the end of the conversation. One of my employees is an external processor too, and I have realized in her one-on-ones we are doing wrap ups. “So, to make sure I’ve got this – of the 3 options, I’ll do X &Y next?” or whatnot.

      Sometimes someone has been like “So – are you wanting my opinion on this? Or are you just brainstorming” and I’ve never once taken offense to that. Helped me realize who to go to.

    5. ShakespearesGirl*

      I have a friend who does this and we’ve found the best way for me to deal with it is to ask her, “Can you simplify that for me?” Also, “Okay, explain that again, but pretend I’m five,” and straight up telling her, “Sorry, I got lost, can you summarize that for me?” have helped a lot. Probably you don’t want to ask your boss to pretend you’re five, but asking for a summary of what they want, or to simplify what she’s asking you down to basic points and asking for more information from there seems like it would be very doable.

  66. Fiennes*

    I went from being a fanfic hobbyist to being a published author with more than 20 novels, four of which made the NYT bestseller list. If you’d like to transition fan-to-pro, I’m happy to share what I can.

    1. Buffy Summers*

      I’ve done some fanfic and I have a novel that I’m working on. Can you talk about what that looked like for you to make that transition? What steps did you take and how long did it take – what obstacles did you encounter and what advice would you have for someone else wanting to make that leap?

      1. Fiennes*

        For me the transition was sudden and lucky. The very first thing I finally got ready to submit went out *the week* multiple publishing houses began looking for something similar. I wasn’t ready for publication in many ways—writing, mindset, etc.—but it was my chance and I ran with it.

        Related: many people act like breaking into publishing is the hard part. It is just as hard to stay published, and even harder to come back from a book with no sales. This would be my number one piece of advice: getting published isn’t the “finish line” it can feel like when you’re writing fic. It’s just the start.

        Also: don’t listen to anyone who talks about the “stigma” of having written fic. Half of publishing is made up of fans! The other half saw the sales numbers for 50 Shades. NOBODY MINDS.

    2. Curious Cat*

      I’ve always been curious how authors get their literary agents. Do you email your work to a specific person? How do you find that agent? How do you convince them to pick up your work and that it’s worth it? I’m just very curious about the process of starting it.

        1. Anion*

          I got my agent through basic querying. I wrote a query, made it as good as I could, and sent it to groups of five or six agents at a time (following submission guidelines carefully, of course). It took me about three weeks, I think, but that was unusually fast/I signed with my agent unusually fast (sent a query, signed two days later).

          As others have said, AgentQuery is a good source.

      3. MostCommonLastName*

        I’ve always found agentquery.com pretty useful for finding agents. They also have some general advice on there. QueryShark is great for helping you refine and get an idea of what makes a good query letter. I’m a weird anomaly where I’m traditionally published (contest) but am looking for an agent, as I’ve never had one.

      4. Fiennes*

        Okay. I’ll tell you how it’s generally done, then how I did it.

        Generally, you research agents that might be good for your work. Who are they? Think of some “comps” for your book, i.e. published, at least somewhat successful novels whose readers would also enjoy your book. (For instance: feminist sci-fi, military romance, southern gothic family drama, etc.) Who are the agents who repped those books’ authors? That’s a good place to start.

        Then check out whether these authors are currently accepting submissions, and how they’d like you to submit. Follow their instructions! Like with resumes and job seeking, this is not the place for gimmicks. This is where you present both you and your book in the best possible light.

        Assuming you get an offer: celebrate! But this is where you do further due diligence than before. You probably already checked out whether this agent is well regarded, but you could ask the agent if you could talk with a couple other clients of hers; these writers can give you the lowdown on the agent’s work methods, demeanor, etc. Beware the agent who doesn’t want you talking to current clients!

        Some agents also appear at industry conferences. It’s great to sign up for pitch sessions there. Prepare your best verbal pitch, again avoid gimmicks, and for the love of mercy don’t try approaching agents in public bathrooms, while they’re eating, etc.

        As for me…I found my agent through fandom. So it sometimes goes.

    3. KatieKate*

      *raises hands*

      I have about ten “half novels” sitting in my gdrive waiting to be be finished. I’d done NaNoWriMo a few times and am an avid fanfic writer. How do I get the motivation to work on my original stuff when I get that instant validation of posting a fanwork?

      1. Meg*

        I totally feel you on that last comment! Do you have a friend who you can share your work with, maybe a friend who’s also working on something original? It really helps me to have that quick feedback, even if it’s just from one person. Good luck!

      2. Fiennes*

        I’m not going to lie: that’s tough. Publication delays gratification for months or even years. The impatience still grates at me.

        I got around it by still writing fanfic. Not the enormous epics I’d done before, but quick, simple one-offs that only cost me a couple afternoons of pro-writing time, but gave me a little feedback to chew on. Not sure this is a strategy for everyone but it worked for me.

      3. Jessi*

        Not a writer, but can you make yourself work on your orignal stuff for 20m before your fanfics. Like working on the fanfic is the reward for having done 20m solid writing
        ?

    4. anon for this one*

      {pulls up a chair}

      How do you make the transition from working with existing characters/worlds/motivations/histories/etc. into your own worldbuilding and creating your own characters?

      1. Fiennes*

        This may sound counterintuitive, but some of the best world building/character creation practice comes from writing fanfic that’s *as close to canon as possible.* When you do this, you can basically study the construction of another fictional universe from the inside out. What kind of gambits move plot forward? What are the limitations the world puts on your characters, and why does that add interest? As for the characters themselves, really study the verbal/visual cues that give insight to these characters you love. Ask yourself what’s interesting about the ways they interact. When you really get to know that framework, you’ll be better able to construct your own frame.

    5. Meg*

      That’s amazing, congratulations! I’m working on my first novel right now. I’ve read a lot of advice about the querying process, but was there anything in particular that worked for you?

      1. Fiennes*

        I have to be honest: my initial break came mostly through sheer dumb luck. However, I’ve published 20 books since that one, and while I haven’t had to get a new agent, I have helped craft our pitches for publishers and media reps. What I’d say is: Get an “Elevator pitch”: one sentence, maybe two, that will intrigue listeners. Yes, your novel is more than “My Little Pony meets Silence of the Lambs”—but the absolute beating heart of it, the reason readers will care, probably can be stated very quickly and clearly. (I learned the hard way: if it can’t be summed up that tightly and meaningfully, your book may have a problem.)

        Find the beating heart in your story. Figure out the tightest, punchiest way to show someone else that heart. Honestly the rest of pitching and querying is just embroidery on this.

    6. Earthwalker*

      Yes please! How do you go from “Yay, I wrote a novel!” to finding a publisher? (Assuming, of course, that it’s not an awful novel.)

      1. Fiennes*

        I wrote some about agent-searching above, which ought to help. To that I’ll add: there are genres in which self-publication is an entirely valid way to go (in particular, romance.) But there are genres where self-publishing is extraordinarily unlikely to be successful (literary fiction in particular.) Also, self-publishing is *even more work* than traditional publishing; you need to be very organized and very disciplined.

        I mention this because far, far too many self-publish for the wrong reasons—because it’s faster, because you’re in control of everything, etc. But faster isn’t necessarily better, and the average book is much better for a good editor’s input. No cover I designed would ever be as gorgeous as the ones professional designers have made. You *can* arrange for these on your own, but it’s neither easy nor cheap to work with people at the same skill level as publishing pros. All the financial risk of publishing falls on you. You should go this route if it’s right for you—but be sure it really is right.

        Okay, I know that’s not what you asked! But it was the main bit of “how to get published” advice I hadn’t gone over before.

    7. Ooooh*

      How do you get the discipline to keep writing regularly, even when you’re not feeling inspired?

      1. Fiennes*

        Sometimes it feels like hauling bricks, and yeah, you have to do it anyway. I like to say that your fanfic characters are your crushes/infatuations, while your original characters are your spouses. You linger with the crush only while you have that giddy high (a friend calls it “fic farr.”) But your original stuff—there are mornings they annoy you or bore you or piss you off. Still, you’re committed. You see it through. And on the other side you wind up with something a lot deeper and more fulfilling.

        1. Elizabeth West*

          This–I have just today binned a planned get-together because I’m working on a major revision. But I need to have new pages ready for my beta reader on Saturday. Her feedback made me realize I need to add a chapter.

          I like to compare writing a novel to doing a homework assignment–for six months. -_-

      2. Tau*

        Hope Fiennes doesn’t mind me commenting here – I’m not a published author, but I’m a fanfic hobbyist who managed to increase my output by around 10x in the last six months.

        Personally, I’ve set aside time every day with a minimum amount of words I must, come hell or high water, reach. I have a ritual around it – my alarm goes off, I make myself tea or hot chocolate, turn on some writing music, light candles, turn down the lights, sit in my writing chair and then I am not allowed to do non-writing things until my word count is there.

        I got there by basically going – where does writing come in my list of priorities, and where do I want it to go? I’m not pro and not interested in going pro, but I do have a fanfic Novel Of My Heart that, at the rate I was going before, I was not going to finish before dying of old age. I decided that I was not OK with this, I wanted to finish this novel, and I was going to make the space to do it in my life. That helps me stick with it on the days where I stare at my screen and everything feels like it sucks and every word is like pulling teeth.

        1. Fiennes*

          This is all so true. If you wait until you “have time to write,” you’ll never do it. I’ve been a full-time writer for about a decade and *I* don’t have time to write! The world throws up distractions every single day. You have to make writing the priority. Everything else* is what you do if you have time left over.

          (*Within reason, of course. There are always non-negotiables, like child care, day jobs, dialysis, etc. But you have to be ruthless about what truly is and is not a necessity.)

    8. Make an assessment.*

      You are exactly who I hoped would appear in this thread! How did you get the courage to start that first (non-fic) page? I want to write so badly, and I am too paralyzed by self-doubt to ever write a sentence. Did you just start writing something, or did you design it / outline it first, or or or or??? Thank you for doing this.

      1. Fiennes*

        It took a long time, and I had many false starts. The first time I considered going pro was when my first novel-length fic sort of went viral, which was a huge confidence boost…and it still took me another 5 years to really go for it. So you’re not alone in feeling scared.

        What helped me is thinking of myself as advocating for *my characters.* They deserved to be met, to get to have their adventures. I was just helping them into the world. That may be a highly idiosyncratic solution, but it was mine.

        1. anon for this one*

          Gotta admit, I’m wildly curious about the fandom you were writing for… ;-)

          1. Fiennes*

            I’ve been in fandom more than 25 years. It would be easier for me to name things I *didn’t* write for than all the ones I did! (No
            Stargate.)

      2. Hellanon*

        I took the fanfic in a different direction – technical writing – which I’m doing now & love, but it all still started with fic, and I use everything I learned writing fic to do my current. (Er, well, maybe not *everything*!)

        I still remember how I summoned up the nerve to start: it was getting involved in the writing communities on LJ and realizing that I was seeing the actual process of writing as people were doing it. Not profic after a million rounds of polishing and editing, but something I could actually do as well… that was 20 years ago and I have not regretted it for an instant (nor the decision to not pursue fiction as a professional gig. Too many opportunities to feel inadequate. What I am doing now? Just needs to get a defined job done.)

      1. Fiennes*

        I’m still on AO3 though some stuff is locked now. I’ve written in literally dozens of fandoms. Thanks for the congratulations. :)

          1. Fiennes*

            I don’t mind asking but I’m going to keep it private. As Egon Spengler taught us, don’t cross the streams.

  67. Jubilance*

    I’m trained as a chemist, did that for 7yrs, and now I’m a retail analyst. Currently working on career change #2, as a I write freelance in my spare time. Happy to answer questions about how I made career changes, and what I’ve been doing to break into freelance writing.

    1. Buffy Summers*

      How did you manage to make that career change? I want to transition out of accounting/finance and into HR, but I’m having trouble even getting interviews. I’m assuming I have to start at the bottom, but is that true? I’m a finance director now, so getting a lower level HR job isn’t really working for me, so I’d love to know if you encountered the same type of issues and how you got past that.

      1. Jubilance*

        Part of my career change involved finding a company that valued key skills like analytical mindset or data skills over the specific job titles on my resume. My company is known for allowing people to move around to different areas, and it’s not common here to see someone move from Finance to HR (or vice versa).

        Do you have opportunities to do HR-adjacent work in what you do now? For example, maybe you do a lot of the screening of resumes and interviewing, or maybe you’re on the recruitment team for your company. It helps to have an “in” on the area you’re interested in going into, because then you can demonstrate some applicable skills. Also take inventory of the skills that you have that would be applicable to the new area. When I made the leap from lab chemist in a manufacturing facility to supply chain analyst, I realized that a lot of my company’s operations in the distribution centers was just like the operations in the manufacturing facility.

        Also networking helps a TON when trying to change careers – having someone who can vouch for your work in your current role, recommend other areas that might be a good fit, etc.

        I also considered going back to school but ultimately decided that wasn’t an option I wanted to pursue. But getting another degree, or even a certificate, could help a lot.

  68. nuqotw*

    I love and am good at personal finance. I can help you with the simple things (budget, envelopes, savings) or help you build a fancy spreadsheet (or give you a blank copy of mine).

    I want to learn how to quilt and make my own clothes in particular because I have the hardest time finding work pants that fit everywhere. I took two sewing classes at our local community college (how to use a machine, insert a zipper) and have a sewing machine in good condition that I can use for basic sewing but I have yet to figure out how to make a button hole. I’ve gotten better at alterations. I’ve been watching Sew Anastasia and she is awesome. Very specifically, should I spring for a rotary cutter? At what point it is worth it to get a serger?

    1. Colette*

      Rotary cutters are awesome if you’re quilting – but they’re best at straight lines, so they are of little use for sewing clothes. If you get a rotary cutter, you will also want the self-healing mat and some sort of quilting ruler. (I haven’t figured out sergers yet, so I can’t help with that.) If you can sew a straight line, you can make a quilt. I’m happy to answer questions (but am self-taught, so I do my own thing.)

    2. Gina*

      I desperately want to be “good” at personal finance! I follow a billion blogs and podcasts, have books, subscribe to Money magazine…but am overwhelmed at actually starting anything (aside from the basic employer-401k). I would love any advice you have!

      1. nuqotw*

        It sounds like the issue is not, in fact, personal finance. It sounds like there is a lot of stuff out there and it does get overwhelming, and a lot of it pitches the idea that you have to do money exactly right. However, if you have your basic 401k set up, then you are doing great already!

        Money is one of those things that you only have to do well enough. If you already have enough to save (and it sounds like you do) then the best advice is to increase your savings when and if you can. Do you have any particular money goals you’re working towards?

        1. Gina*

          Thanks so much! I definitely need to save more. As far as particular money goals – no. Just have more money. Haha. I was using digit for add’l event-specific savings (it’s amazing, btw) but then it stopped working with my bank and I haven’t replaced it with anything else…

          1. nuqotw*

            I recently split up my direct deposit so a small amount goes to a different account (at a different bank) from the main bill paying one. I don’t really think about the other account and it is (slowly) accumulating extra money. Would that work for you as “have more money” event-specific savings?

    3. July*

      Personal finance question: how important is it to build my credit? I had some financial hiccups during the late aughts, and these days my credit score is still in the low average range. Our house was purchased by my husband before we met, and, out of sheer laziness, we’ve left the household bills in his name. At this point, I don’t really -need- credit, but I’m not doing anything to increase that score. I don’t even have a credit card. Is my lackluster credit score the big deal it seems like?

      1. nuqotw*

        If you don’t need to borrow money and don’t ever plan on borrowing money, no, it’s not a big deal and you shouldn’t let it bother you for one more moment! There’s a lot of social pressure to have “good” credit and yes, some non-lenders look at it (often employers) and make judgments about you based on it, but it really doesn’t matter one bit unless you plan on borrowing money now or in the future.

        1. KatieKate*

          The only addendum I would add is that credit cards, when used correctly, can be really nice to have. Get one with no fee, pay it off every month, and get the cash back/other bonus.

          1. nuqotw*

            This is an excellent point. But it sounds like maybe your husband has a credit card that you both use? One other thing – make sure you know where all the money, bills, etc are. I have a family member who just didn’t want to be bothered (and then entered the beginning stages of dementia), the family member’s spouse died, and another family member had to step in to sort out the records the spouse left.

        2. nuqotw*

          I’ve left a bunch of responses on this thread; let me know if there is anything not in them that you want to know about.

    5. medium of ballpoint*

      What’s the easiest way to get started with budgeting for a beginner? And how do you manage your time so that you’re not spending hours entering things into a spreadsheet? Budgeting seems like a great idea, but it also seems a bit time intensive.

      1. KatieKate*

        Not OP but get Mint or another budgeting software! It takes some work at first to “teach” the software what charge is what, but it’s incredible for figuring out where your money is actually going.

        1. nuqotw*

          I’ve never used Mint or other budgeting software so I can’t speak to any of them, but lots of people use them and love them – by all means, look into it. KatieKate’s point about it taking time to get it going is a valid one and it goes beyond software – budgeting is a process that will take longer at first, but soon take less time.

          Like I said above, money is one of those things you only have to do well enough. There are complicated budgets, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are the steps I got started with, and I did them wrong a bunch of times. The first budget is the least accurate and the most time intensive.

          First budget: list all your fixed expenses (rent, utilities, car insurance, etc.) and subtract that from your monthly income (the amount of your actual paycheck). Whatever is left is for variable expenses. I think food is one that often tripped me up early on, since it’s a variable expense and a substantial chunk of change. I used $200 / month ($7 per day) as a starting point. That didn’t include eating out. If money in is more than money out, great! If money out is more than money in, something needs to change. Seriously, this counts as a budget! If you have enough to save, you can “pay yourself first” (i.e. dump some cash into savings) and then use this budget with whatever is left over. (Paying yourself $10 first counts as savings.)

          Second budget: Once I got used to that (and it took about 2 years for me but YMMV) I started tracking expenses to make a more refined plan. Here’s what I did:

          (1) Make a list of all your fixed expenses (rent, utilities, car insurance, whatever)
          (2) Make a guess about your variable expenses (food, clothes, whatever)
          (3) Track your expenses for a month or two (I did not track them all perfectly. That’s okay. The key is just to get an idea of what was going on.)
          (4) At then end of the tracking, I compared my estimates and my records. I also sorted my expenses into several broad categories (rent, utilities, insurance, food, travel, clothes, other, for example)
          (5) Use a spreadsheet or mint or something to track your expenses going forward in those categories. Dave Ramsey advises envelopes of cash, but I think that’s a risky strategy since it’s easy to lose an envelope and a month of money (however many dollars that is) usually represents a lot to a person.

          Third budget: The second budget, with savings goals incorporated as categories for expenditures. This level is something that only happened once I finished school and got a regular job and had enough to save.

    6. Ashie*

      Quilter here. Absolutely get a rotary cutter and self-healing mat, it will make your life so much easier and your product so much better. Amazon is your friend, there’s no need to spend what they charge at your big-box craft store.

    7. NotThatGardner*

      definitely spring for a rotary cutter but make sure to get a self healing mat too!

      as to the serger — you can reasonably do a zigzag stitch followed by a straight stitch to reinforce if you want. i got a serger for my 30th birthday because it was a Big Deal Gift. they are expensive & finicky, so i would say not to get one until you are really well and truly making a LOT of your own clothes — i dont think you really need one for quilting.

      1. The New Wanderer*

        I also got a serger for a milestone birthday, after I’d had a sewing machine for almost 20 years. I have found the serger pretty useful for the final stages of regular clothes making after I’ve used the sewing machine to baste things in place. It makes the seams look more polished like storebought and I’ve used it to finish visible edges in place of a fold up hem for casual tops and pants. I’ve mostly found it extremely useful for working with fabric that sheds, like faux fur and minky. I make my kids’ Halloween costumes and soft toys using serger + sewing machine.

        I have some cheap rotary cutters and I don’t find that they work very well. To me, using sewing scissors is easier but I’m also not a dedicated quilter so my lines (cutting and stitching both) are going to be a bit wonky.

        1. Ihmmy*

          I would also say start keeping an eye out at garage sales and online used sales (craigslist/kijiji type sites) for sergers. They can pop up for notably less than brand new. They’re super useful if you get into making lots of clothes, or working with angry fabric like New Wanderer mentioned above (well, they said shedding, but also for some snarly fabrics). But you can totally live without a serger. They’re just extremely useful if you’re doing lots of clothing seams.

          Get yourself a good quality rotary cutter (blade matters more than handle for quality), a good sized self healing mat, and a couple nice clear rulers (some come with an edge that helps slightly sharpen the blade too which is nifty).

      2. sheepla*

        Oh man, I bought a serger and kept it in the box for six months because I was so intimidated by it. Now I could NOT LIVE without it. I don’t know why I waited so long.

        But others are right, first and foremost…rotary cutter and self healing mat. You’ll use constantly.

    8. Libby*

      If you have a sewing machine, it may come with a button hole foot and setting. Follow the instructions in your manual, then press down on the petal and and it will make the button hole. Test it out on some scrap fabric first.

      I’m not a fan or rotary cutters, but if you want to learn how to quilt then definitely get one.

      For a serger, maybe in a year or two? Unless you’re working with lots of knits then maybe get one sooner. You can finish edges plenty of other ways, depending on the type of fabric and whether or not you’ll see it.

    9. Nea*

      Rotary cutters are your friend and well worth it. But I’ll be brutally honest, I don’t know a single person who has one who hasn’t sliced the side of a finger at least once, so stock up on bandages. (It’s usually the people who’ve done a lot of using one who get careless for that one second…)

      I’ve done quilting, costuming, and clothes sewing and never felt the need for a serger, to be honest. You can do the work of one with a rotary cutter and a sewing machine with basic built-in stitches.

    10. Nea*

      PS – rather than spend the $$ on a serger, may I recommend the Accuquilt Go cutters and dies as a splurge? You can quite literally crank out precision-cut quilt shapes with your own fabric.

      1. nuqotw*

        It depends. Here is some advice I have seen:

        (1) Save a 1/3, spend a 1/3, spend a 1/3 on housing. (I think this advice dates to a time when housing was much cheaper than it is now.)
        (2) 10% or 15% into retirement accounts
        (3) 15%
        (4) 10%
        (5) As much as you can

        The thing I am only just starting to internalize: savings are a lifetime thing, so sometimes you might save nothing, or even spend out of your savings. I can tell you personally that we right now are paying for childcare out of our earned income and it is brutally expensive – we are getting my retirement match but sometimes have to dip into our saving to cover our expenses as result. However, we keep reminding ourselves that savings are a lifetime thing, and sometimes you can save a lot and sometimes you can save less, and sometimes you cannot save at all.

    12. Not So NewReader*

      I don’t think a serger is a necessity.

      I have used them in the course of a couple jobs and I have a serger that I own personally.

      They use a LOT of thread. That is why manufacturers are very careful about how much they use them.

      And they are fussy little beasts. I have a New Home (now Janome) here. This is a good company, I got a fantastic sewing machine from them. I have to coddle the serger. My machines are 25 years old, I was talking to someone recently who said the newer sergers Janome has are way, way better.

      I love watching the cutter trim the fabric. (Index finger alert, you can run your index finger into that cutter if you get too interested with watching the machine work.) I love getting a finished seam so quickly. My one regret is that while the stitches over lock the edge of the fabric the safety stitch is on top of the over locking stitches. I would prefer the safety stitch be off to one side of the over locking stitches, this would be a true double seam and much stronger. Mine is not really.

      Before you buy, make sure you see how to thread it. Also know where your backup resources are- videos, manuals and repair people. Understand where you need to oil it. Also know the areas to blow it out with compressed air as dust collects up quickly. I am willing to do all this because I love the little machine.
      But no, you do not need it.

      I don’t know if you can still find such deals, I got my serger for free when I bought a end of the year close out sewing machine. It was originally $1000 for the serger and my machine was originally $2500. So I got the two for around $2000. Janome still makes a version of my main sewing machine it is now… ahem… $250. If you can find a deal for free like that, grab it and play with it.

    13. Uhmealeah*

      I love my rotary cutter and use it for so much, and haven’t even gotten into quilting that much. I recommend getting a good cutting mat, too, of the largest size you can afford and not one of the cardboard ones.

      I’ve got a fantastic serger that was totally an entry level purchase, perfect for stretchy materials and clothing. It doesn’t have all of the same functionality as a more expensive serger but can accomplish a good deal. I’d wholeheartedly recommend it and am not at all affiliated – it’s from Brother and I purchased via Amazon. It’s totally worth the ~$200 purchase if that is reasonable to you. I’ve made a bunch of clothes (pants in particular) and costumes for a dance group over the last 7 years or so with my machine.

  69. Evaluator*

    I do program evaluation for a living and finishing up a PhD in it. If your organization goes out for grants, you probably often see evaluation as a requirement but sometimes it’s hard to know what it really means. If you have questions about evaluation design, processes, logic models, data instrument development or collection, I’m happy to share. Oh, and I love data viz and am obsessed with getting better at it.

    1. Meg*

      I love data viz, too! The Big Book of Dashboards is my current favorite resource. And do you follow Stephanie Evergreen’s work? I haven’t read either of her books yet, but I like her blog.

      1. Adrienne*

        I have all of her books and am part of her Data Viz Academy. I highly recommend her work if you are focused on Excel and communicating results to clients in a visual way. I also recommend Ann K. Emery’s blog and work. They run in similar circles, but tackle different ways to think about your data sometimes.

        I am also digging on the Big Book of Dashboards and find the variety of examples really inspiring.

    2. Grayson*

      I’m looking to do a career pivot from consulting (instructional systems design) to monitoring, learning & evaluation (specifically in the PBing sector.) I’m looking at getting my PMP, and I’ve been accepted to a program for American University’s monitoring and evaluation graduate certificate (I already have an MS.)

      TL;DR I’m looking to transition from consulting (primary military intelligence, instructor & ISD experience) to ME&L (peacebuilding.) No background beyond academic. Any advice?

      1. Grayson*

        MA, not MS. PBing is short for peacebuilding. (I’m waiting on the VA to approve funding for the grad cert, which is a cluster in and of itself.)

        1. Adrienne*

          Unfortunately, I’m not in M&E, but surely someone else on this board will be able to steer you in the right direction and give advice. :)

    3. prussianblue*

      I’m looking for some online or in-person data viz training opportunities… any suggestions? I work in Tableau primarily, and work in the public sector on environmental policy and economic development.

    4. valc2323*

      Interested in the CDC’s evaluation fellowship program? Applications close mid-April — check CDC’s website for more info!

  70. anon24*

    I used to be an auto detailer and still do it on my own on the side. It’s the best job ever if you work in the right environment but it is actually pretty physically strenuous if you do it right!

    If you have any questions about how to clean X off your car or about how it works ask away!

    1. Ashley*

      Is there a way to fix a tinted window where the film got scratched and has a nickel size piece missing?

      1. anon24*

        Is this aftermarket tinting? I never did much with tinting but I’m guessing that the only way to fix it would be to retint the whole window. Otherwise you would have a seam where you put the “patch”. Unfortunately my tint knowledge is pretty much limited to “how to clean tinted windows without ruining them” (don’t use anything with ammonia!)

    2. Amber Rose*

      Ooh, yes! There’s this weird film that builds up on the inside of my windshield, I think it’s coming from the air vents. I can’t get it off, and when the sun is right in my face it makes the glass almost opaque. What kind of glass cleaners work really good on the inside of cars?

      1. medium of ballpoint*

        Ooh, this happens to me too. Drives me batty, because trying to clean it just makes things streaky.

      2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        SAME! And with the way my windshield is shaped, it’s very difficult to get in and clean it all the way to the bottom.

        1. anon24*

          Do you mind sharing what car you drive? I know some are super difficult (the 06-10 Honda Civic comes to mind as one that’s really odd shaped). I’ve always been lucky because I have tiny hands. The trick is to not be afraid to turn yourself into a pretzel and look ridiculous, and not be afraid to squeeze your hand into tiny spaces (just do it oh so slowly so you don’t crack your dash!). In tight areas, pressure is key. You can’t quickly clean the windshield when your hand is squashed, so push as hard as you are able to on the glass. Pushing hard helps a lot with streak removal too.

          1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

            It’s a 2012 Honda Fit, which overall as a car I swear by, but managing the windshield is a pain.

            1. anon24*

              Yes, those windshields are hard. I love my Japanese cars, and am a die-hard Honda fan, but some of their cars have windshields that just aren’t designed for people with big hands! I have had moments cleaning them where I’m so contorted into such odd shapes to get my hands down into the corners of the windshields that co-workers walk by and ask what on earth I’m doing.

              1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

                Or big people in general! I’m 5’8, and I have to push the seat as far back as it can possibly go to accommodate my long legs. If I were any taller, the Fit wouldn’t be viable for me :(

                1. anon24*

                  I’m 5’4 and I have a 2000 Civic. I love it because it’s “me” sized. I actually don’t feel really safe in a lot of cars because the way some driver’s compartments are set up if the airbag ever deploys it will probably snap my neck. With my car the airbag should hit me square in the face/chest. I can also sit way back from my steering wheel and still reach the gas pedal. Some cars I have to so close to the steering wheel in order to reach the pedals so the airbag would seriously hurt me if it ever deployed.

      3. anon24*

        This film is actually from gases coming off of your dashboard! It’s super common and it makes your windows so greasy! I would recommend staying away from cleaners like windex and water/vinegar. I personally use a cleaner that is only available commercially (when I left my detailing job I did it on great terms with my suppliers so I still have access to my favorite chemicals) but I have heard good things about Invisible Glass brand. What I would recommend is getting the type in the aerosol spray can, as I have found in general these do better than normal spray cleaners.

        As for how to clean your windows. If you can find them, buy waffle type microfiber towels, if you can’t find them, regular ones will work fine. I also have microfiber towels I bought from advanced auto that almost feel like an eyeglass cleaner material.

        If possible, clean your windshield when it is cool (the warmer the glass, the quicker the cleaner dries, and once it dries it’s nearly impossible to get the streaks out and you have to start over). Split your windshield into 8 parts (in half, then in quarters). For a new aerosol can, don’t spray it right onto the window first. Spray it away from your window for the first 2 or 3 seconds, until it comes out foamy (initially you get just accelerant and no cleaner, and that stuff is not fun to try to clean back off the window). Cover your section of the windshield with cleaner so that it is completely covered. Being stingy with the cleaner makes it streak worse! Then clean in circular motions. I usually use 2 or 3 towels, soaking most of the cleaner up with one towel, then getting the rest with a 2nd, then getting the rest of the streaks out with a 3rd. It’s fine to reuse these towels on your whole windshield, just keep track of which is which. When you have finished cleaning the windshield, look at it from the outside and at all angles to find all the streaks. Any streaks you find can be touched up with your dry towel, and if that doesn’t get it out use your wettest towel and then immediately dry it off.

        After I’ve cleaned my windshield I usually keep a dry towel on my passenger seat for a day or two because as you drive into different lighting and angles you will probably find a streak or two that you missed. I can just clean it while I’m stopped at a traffic light or stop sign and then my windshield is perfect and good to go for a few months.

        Good luck!

    3. Goya de la Mancha*

      Yellow/blonde dog hair out of black cloth interior…

      Whoever in the car design world decided to stop producing light colored interiors, I have I bone to pick with you…

      1. anon24*

        Dog hair is difficult and time consuming no matter which way you do it. One customer described it as “like little pine needles that weave their way into everything”. You have several options, depending on the type of cloth. For seats, my preferred method is a crevice tool vacuum attachment and just repeatedly go over the seat, agitating the hair to pull it out and vacuum it up. Lint rollers can also work well on certain fabrics. They also make a lint roller designed for pet hair that is made of a sticky gel, and you can rinse it off to clean it and reuse. I have used those with decent results, but if you are cleaning your whole car you may want several, depending on how much hair there is. On one particularly covered car, I found that by the time I had gotten a seat completely clean that the gel was so worn out from repeated rinsing that the hair wouldn’t stick anymore.

        For carpets, it also depends on the carpet. Some car manufacturers make their carpet almost like a velcro material. If you have that, pretty much your only option is to spend the time vacuuming it, using the method
        I described above. Everything else tends to pull the carpeting apart and ruin it. If you have a softer, more normal carpeting, a pumice stone is your new best friend! This is by far the quickest way I’ve found to remove pet hair. Gently wipe it across the carpet, and it will pull the hair right off. Vacuum the stone off with a quick swipe from your vacuum attachment, and repeat until your carpet is clean (if you are using a household vacuum cleaner keep an eye out because it will fill quickly). Just make sure to test your carpet in an inconspicuous spot first to make sure the stone won’t take your carpet fuzz with it. A lot of carpets hold up really well with the pumice stones and end up completely hair free but some can get ruined by it.

      2. Stan*

        I have the opposite problem — dark haired dog, light colored interior!

        I have fabric seats and use a soft scrub brush and a vacuum. Gentle scrubbing works the hair out and the vacuum takes them away.

        1. anon24*

          Yes, I completely forgot about the scrub brush method! Since I don’t do it full time anymore it’s actually been a couple years since I’ve had a car with dog hair :)

    4. Emmie*

      I have black lines around the edges of all of my windows where the window seals with the door. Any tips for cleaning that off without scratching the window?

      1. anon24*

        I see this all the time. It’s either rubber from your door seal or dirt buildup on the rubber that transfers to your window.

        Glass cleaner, diluted All Purpose Simple Green (must be this because it is yellow colored, the green stuff can permanently stain car surfaces if you aren’t careful), or even warm water and a microfiber towel. Should take it right off. Depending how much buildup there is it might need a little scrubbing. I’ve never seen anyone scratch glass using this method, but I suppose if you let the dirt build up on your towel it could, so just keep switching to a clean spot on your towel.

        If it looks like dirt that’s transferring over, you can clean your rubber seal off and that will help keep your windows clean.

          1. anon24*

            Use a microfiber towel to scrub. You can find them in any auto parts store or the car section of Walmart. They’re fairly inexpensive and are safe to use on any surface in or on your car.

    5. No Name Yet*

      Is there a way to take off the car decals from dealerships, without ruining the paint? (e.g., Your Name/City, Car Dealership) It really bothers me to be driving around with a free advertisement for them, but I don’t want to screw up my car trying to take it off.

      1. anon24*

        You can use a heat gun to take them off pretty easily ($30-$40 at a home improvement store). Just be aware that if you get it too hot you can melt the paint. If you heat it up and notice the pain seems soft just wait and let it cool off some before you mess with it. Heat it up until you are able to peel the decal off. I have fingernails so I use them to peel the decal off because I’m really unlikely to scratch the paint with my nail, but a construction razor blade or even an old credit card will work too if you are gentle with it. If it’s not years and years old and you heat it up enough it should come off easily and in large pieces, if not you might have to chip it off and it may leave residue. Just use an adhesive remover or All Purpose simple green to clean the adhesive off (you can even use diesel fuel on a towel!) If you do have to use a cleaner on your paint make sure you rinse it REALLY well afterwards to get any remnants of the cleaner off your paint so it doesn’t eat it over time.

    6. Jadelyn*

      Do you have any advice on cleaning/restoring old headlights? Mine are starting to get that cloudiness to them and I’d like to get them back to crystal clear. I know a lot of places will do it for you with some kind of treatment thing – but, I also want (eventually) to get some of that iridescent translucent film wrap put over them because I like the look of it, and some of the ones I’ve looked at say “don’t use this if you’ve had your car’s headlights treated to remove cloudiness”. So…what do I do? Is there a way to clean my headlights at home that won’t interfere with adding wraps to them later, or would it be okay to go have it done and still put color film over them anyway?

      1. anon24*

        I honestly don’t know anything about the film wrap so I’m not sure why treating the headlights would interfere with that, unless the chemicals in some treatments prevent it from sticking. If you are dead set on getting them wrapped this I would find the film that you want and contact the manufacturer to find out exactly why it’s a problem. You might be better off finding a set of aftermarket headlights with the tint you want and save yourself the effort.

        General restoration advice. The cloudiness is caused by the sun’s UV rays deteriorating the plastic. Sometimes this is on the outside of the plastic, and sometimes it runs all the way through, or is on the inside. You can’t do anything about the last two aside from replacing the headlight, but if it’s just on the outside you can restore them yourself with a restoration kit that involves sanding instead of treating. I have used the 3M auto advanced headlight restoration system (I will put a link in a second comment) and got great results. All you need is a drill and automobile masking tape to tape off around your headlight. Basically you sand the headlights down to remove the yellowed plastic, exposing the clear plastic below. If you do it this way you may still be ok to wrap them.

    7. she was a fast machine*

      Any experience dealing with cleaning soft plastic windows(i.e. convertibles or jeeps)?

      1. anon24*

        If it’s just normal dirt you can clean it the same way I talked about in my response to Amber Rose. If they’re way beyond normal dirty you can try a degreaser like all purpose simple green first (as I mentioned above, make sure it’s the yellow kind and diluted pretty well and not the green kind) or you could even try something like Plastic X. With soft windows it’s not so much cleaning the window, it’s the material around it that you want to protect (i.e. the vinyl around it). If it’s dark colored getting harsh cleaners or chemicals on it can fade it, and if it’s light colored they can stain it. I have almost no experience with cleaning the actual vinyl so I couldn’t recommend any products for that, or for fixing it if it does get marked/faded.

        1. she was a fast machine*

          When I cleaned airplanes simple green was a godsend! I’ll try your tips, thank y ou.

      1. anon24*

        On what type of surface? Seat (leather or cloth), carpet, dash, etc. Type of car helps too.

        1. BF*

          Sorry. It is leather and now it is more stained then clumped. We took it in to be cleaned and they sort of ignored the ketchup.

          1. anon24*

            Ouch. You might not be able to get that out, but there are a few things you can try. Peanut butter is actually a great leather cleaner, so if you have some creamy peanut butter on hand you can try to massage that into the stain and see if it gets it out. Of course, you’re going to want to try it on a small spot first to make sure the peanut butter won’t stain the leather more or remove the color. Peanut butter is great because leather is so sensitive to cleaners and is prone to drying out or cracking afterwards. The oils in the peanut butter keep the leather moisturized. If the peanut butter doesn’t work, or you’re allergic to it, you can try the more traditional way of cleaning it.

            All purpose Simple Green (really, I’ve repeated this so many times in this thread but this stuff is my go-to for so much on the interior of cars) diluted 10-1 with water. You can also dilute it stronger if you need to, but with leather it’s better to start weak and go stronger as you need to. When I detailed professionally I always had 3 bottles of simple green in my cabinet, all at different dilutions for different uses. Again, make sure it is yellow and not green, and make sure you clean up any drips. For tough stains I always sprayed the cleaner on and scrubbed it with a magic eraser, then wiped it off with a towel. Just remember that cleaners will dry out the leather, so if you use a cleaner you are going to want to use a leather conditioner on the seat afterwards (available in the car section of Walmart, or an auto parts store. Use a liquid/cream rather than wipes)

            I hope this works for you!

      1. anon24*

        Well you have the option of using a carpet spot cleaner spray that they sell in the store and gently cleaning with a rag and soft brush, or, if you want to spend some money and get them really deep cleaned and be able to keep up with it I would recommend buying a little carpet cleaner. I have a little Bissell (I will put a link in the next comment) that I LOVE, it doesn’t actually heat the water but if you put hot water in and the cleaner they recommend it works wonderfully for getting stains out of fabric and carpets. It’s not that big either so I can store it on a shelf in my coat closet.

        1. anon24*

          The carpet cleaner I have. I bought it several years ago and it still works great. They may have a newer model, but this is the one I have. Runs around $100 which is a lot but it’s cheaper than paying someone else to do it every time your seats get dirty. If you end up getting something like this and need cleaning tips just give a shout out in a weekend open thread, I don’t comment often but I’m usually there.
          https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00AZBJ1JK/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

          1. OhBehave*

            Thanks! I actually have a Little Green Clean Machine. I’ll give that a try this weekend.

    10. Anxa*

      My SO has a 2003 Honda Civic and it has black spots all over the roof. We can scrub them off, but they always come back.

      I understand this could be a sap issue or a fungus, but’s followed us to another state. It’s frustrating. I am not big into autodetailing over all because I’m pretty cheap. I do however like to take care of what I do have and keep things well maintained, since I can’t afford to decorate, etc.

      Any ideas on how to get rid of black spots?

      1. anon24*

        How big are the spots? What color is the car and in what shape is the rest of the paint? Is there a pattern of when it reappears? Do they smear with your fingers like grease? I’m just trying to get an idea of what it could be.

  71. curly sue*

    I freelance as a developmental and copy editor for fiction, primarily romance novels. I can answer questions about story structure, the editing process, and that sort of thing. I’m not on the acquisitions or marketing ends, but I might be able to help there as well.

      1. curly sue*

        I worked in the publishing industry for a while as an in-house proofreader, and literally got the job from a posting on the wall of my university career centre while I was looking for a summer gig. I had no experience, but I nailed the editing test they gave me, and worked there part-time while I finished my degree in something entirely unrelated. I left that and went back to grad school eventually, but kept up on a social basis with some of my contacts in the industry.

        I hadn’t thought about getting back into editing professionally for ages, but a contact who knew I had the experience got in touch when their house was actively looking for new freelancers, and doing romance novels sounded like a blast! I did an editing test with them, and I’ve been doing probably a manuscript a month for them ever since. So I guess the basic answer is luck, networking, and an amazing seventh-grade English teacher who gave us brutal daily grammar drills that I never forgot.

        The standard I’ve been seeing right now is $0.01 (US) per word for a developmental edit, which is a read through with recommendations on plot, structure, character arcs, pacing, etc. And $0.015 per word for developmental + copy. Romances tend to run between 80 – 100k for wordcount, depending on genre.

      1. curly sue*

        I had a friend in the industry reach out to me when their house was looking for new freelancers. Basically they knew I had done the job in-house in the past, had seen evidence of my editing ability (we collaborated on some very low-stakes fun writing projects), and believed that I’d fit their standards and culture. Networking, essentially, and being in the right place at the right time. I’ve taken on other clients occasionally, but it’s always been through referrals from my main client.

      2. curly sue*

        I should also add – industry boards are very good for this sort of thing. Places like the Absolute Write message boards can be a mess, but depending on the subgenre you’re interested in, can be helpful for making contacts. The romance community is particularly tight (also see twitter and facebook for them), and word spreads there very quickly.

        1. anon for this one*

          Cool, thanks! What could a person with no paid fiction editing experience do to break into the field? I’ve got paid nonfiction editing experience, and I’ve “beta read” fanfic for free (and I think I’m darn good at it)… any suggestions on how to leverage that into a paid gig?

          1. curly sue*

            The networking, definitely. A huge number of publishing professionals are engaged in or on the periphery of fandom, and a lot of fandom writers self-publish or go pro, so work your way outward from the base you’ve already established.

            Hang out your shingle, metaphorically speaking, on social media and talk to your current group of writing friends. If any of the writers you’ve betaed for are working on original works, see if they’ll be willing to pay – even a nominal sum – for an editing pass. They already know your work style, so you have much less to prove. If they aren’t, maybe they have friends who are working on original material for eventual publication, and can recommend you. Once you have a couple under your belt you’ll have references to parlay further.

            Also, subscribe to the twitter feeds of small-midlevel presses in your preferred genre. I can’t say that I’ve seen an actual job posting for a freelance editor position on a publisher’s website any time in the last who knows how many years, but presses will sometimes put out social media calls to increase their pools.

    3. Meg*

      Um…can I hire you in a few months when I’m done with my novel?? :) But in all seriousness, how would you recommend someone go about trying to find a freelance editor like you? What kinds of questions to ask, how to weed out people who might not be very good, etc.

      1. curly sue*

        Hah! Ping me in the summer. My rates are listed a few comments above. ;)

        In all seriousness, network like mad. Find people who write and self-publish in the same subgenre as you are, and ask who they use. Ask more than one person — five to ten if you can — and if there are names that crop up multiple times, touch base with those.

        You want to ask about reliability – do they return the manuscript on time. Accountability – did they do what they said they would do, with the appropriate thoroughness, and did they get angry if an author queried them about it? Also always sign a contract that spells out exactly what they’re going to be doing (single pass with notes, dual pass with notes and line edits, etc). Always.

        Also: how many passes do they do on a manuscript for the core price, exactly what is included in their quote, and do they have any samples of an edited chapter they can share with you. Alternately, some editors will offer a two- or three-page sample edit so you can gauge whether their work fits your needs.

        Someone over-editing is just as bad as under-editing, because then you run the risk of losing your own voice in favour of theirs, so don’t go by the number of corrections on the page. The best editing of all is entirely invisible – the job is to make the author sound like the best possible version of themselves that we can. I’ve put a link to the Editors Canada hiring page in my name here, because they’ve got some good information on professional standards.

    4. Lou*

      Ooh, that’s exactly what I wanted to do for a living! I’m super interested in this, so I’ll limit myself to two questions only.

      What stories tend to feel the freshest to you lately? Are there any common issues that plague the romance novel (poor characterization, bad pacing, etc)?

      1. curly sue*

        ooh, fun questions! I’ve had a few wonderful ones come by recently that really embrace the messiness of history. We all love the tropes of the doughty highlander and the sassy regency debs, but real life is so much more complicated than just what the billionaires and noble heirs were getting up to. I love getting the books about the middle and working classes, or even those that just acknowledge that there are and were interesting and sexy professions other than CEO / Laird / Duke / military officer / cowboy.

        (Not that there’s anything wrong with those tropes, and they do very, very well! Readers love the wish fulfillment involved in the classics. But there are so many other options.)

        Probably the most common issue I’ve seen is pacing of the love arc. It’s tricky to get this right, because you have to be attentive to the two main character growth arcs, and how they weave in and out of the romance as separate-but-joined entities. And that’s before you add the external plot on top to confound matters.

        The characters have to start from a place where they cannot be together for reasons that the reader will accept right away: rival families. Exes. One or both are on the run. One or both are previously attached. Vying for the same promotion at work. He’s a hunter and she works for PETA, one woman is out and proud but the girl she likes is closeted. Whatever. Something that keeps them apart. Each one also has to have a flaw or blind spot that contributes to that separation, and they have to go through some event or series of events that lets them change and grow, both independently, and together, until both internal and external obstacles are overcome.

        It’s hard to keep all those balls in the air! It’s easy to narrow your focus to the external plot or one of the character arcs and lose track of the romance arc and/or big picture. I see too many books where the main couple recover from their individual problems and get together far too quickly — and the opposite, where they seemingly loathe each other (or more frequently, one is chasing and the other is running away) until a miracle in the final chapter.

      2. curly sue*

        Fun questions! (I had a longer response to this typed out but the board ate it or I pushed the wrong button, so let me try and reconstruct…)

        For freshness I love career paths for the main characters that aren’t traditional tropes. Lots of people love a good Duke/CEO/debutante/cowboy romance and they still sell very well! But there are so many more options out there. Also historicals that acknowledge the messiness and complexity of humankind (also see: gender roles and racism) rather than relying on bowdlerized Victorian mythology about the past.

        And in terms of most common issue, I’d say it’s balancing the pacing of the romance arc with the individual character growth arcs of the leads and the external plot. I’ve seen too many manuscripts where the leads get over their personal issues and get together too quickly in order to face the external antagonist, but lose all the yes-or-no ‘how will they fix this’ tension in the process. And on the other side, too many where they rightfully loathe each other (or more frequently, one is chasing while the other is loathing) up until some last-chapter miracle that Makes It All Better. It takes a lot of work and even more skill to keep all those threads moving and intersecting appropriately.

        1. Lou*

          These are super interesting answers, thank you!

          ITA with the endings that are wrapped up too quickly at the cost of the characters. It can kill that incredible burn of tension throughout the book really, really quickly.

  72. LaRaBa*

    I work in international humanitarian response, so I know lots about natural disasters and epidemics, disaster preparedness, and how the response system works (or, er, doesn’t).

    1. fposte*

      What would you say is the biggest flaw in disaster response? And is there a problematic tendency for people to want to fight the last war, so to speak, rather than preparing for new possibilities?

      1. LaRaBa*

        (IMO, only!) For domestic response (here in the US, for me), I think a big problem is that there are so few non-governmental organizations that have disaster response as their mandate – and, along with that, FEMA has a relatively narrow way of responding to disasters. This leads to a lot of frustration, since people need a lot of varied kinds of help, but there’s really only a few actors that can provide it, which often overwhelms the system.

        International response, I’d say the way responses are financed is a big problem: it’s so much easier for large non-governmental organizations to get funding, and harder for local orgs. Donors often want to dictate what’s important and should be done/tracked, and that can mean that necessary services are missed.

        And sure, I think funding for emergencies certainly is based on what has happened recently: we had years and years of pandemic flu planning after SARS and avian flu, and after Ebola there was a lot of interest in preparing for similar infectious diseases, but it’s hard to get funding to prepare for something that hasn’t happened yet. But in terms of people individually, it’s almost impossible to get most people to prepare themselves unless they’ve gone through a disaster in the last year…

    2. Libervermis*

      What is the most useful disaster preparedness thing for the individual to do? I’m sure the specifics vary by region and likely disasters, but is there some sort of planning, stockpiling, etc. that would be really great in a disaster if more people did it?

      1. LaRaBa*

        There are two kinds of scenarios to plan for: one where you stay, and one where you leave.
        For the one where you stay, having food, water, meds, cash, etc is helpful. So is having basic tools that will let you fend for yourself for up to 2 weeks – because help is unlikely to come a lot sooner than that in big emergencies. Lighters, tools for repairs, knowledge of how to start a fire, numbers and addresses written down somewhere. Ways to entertain yourselves without electricity. Manual can openers :)

        For when you leave, I’d say the most important thing is to have a meeting place outside of town or even the region that you and your loved ones know about, in case you end up traveling separately. Cash, meds, food, water, flares, jack & a spare tire, jumper cables, blankets/winter clothing if appropriate – are all helpful to have on hand when you’re evacuating.

        Anyone else think of things I’ve missed?

        1. paul*

          If you can, keep plywood and large tarps handy. Being able to patch up holes in your house is a godsend. Also, yes, basic NON POWERED hand tools. Power tools are great but you may not have power for a while.

          I like to have 2 collapsible 5 gallon jugs per family member; if it’s something where there’s warning you can fill them up before hand, but they store easy. I also keep about 5-10 gallons of water jugs or bottled water handy. As far as food…I like to keep a good assortment of canned veggies and just rotate through them. I don’t like having less than 8-10 days of food on hand (I mean, it’s not all my favorite stuff, but we could make do).

          I keep at least 2, 5 gallon jerry cans of gasoline handy; I’ve seen gas stations be overwhelmed.

          *know where your stuff is*. All our important files are in a small fireproof safe. Makes it easy to grab.

          If you’re under a watch or warning and know you may have to evacuate for the love of god, pack up some essentials! A few days of clothing with extra socks and underwear, toothbrush, etc.

          Get homeowners or renters insurance; FEMA is a royal pain in the ass to deal with. The people on the ground are mostly good folk IME, but the are a large federal agency with the red tape that entails.

          1. fposte*

            Where do you get your collapsible jugs, Paul? I’ve found that the gallon water jugs at my local supermarket deteriorate within a couple of months, which was an unpleasant surprise, so I’m looking for other possibilities. I’m in tornado country so I don’t really get much warning.

            1. paul*

              Academy Outdoors or Amazon; I’ve picked them up a couple at a time. Those hard sided water coolers you see on construction sites are unquestionable more durable but they take up so much more space.

              Tornadoes are rough; feels like you can prepare all you want then wham, an F3 and your preparations are scattered six ways to Sunday. My in laws have an actual tornado shelter they bought a few years ago and they keep supplies in that…but that’s cost prohibitive for a lot of folks (a couple grand for the small shelter, plus installation cost).

              1. fposte*

                I’m figuring the odds of a direct hit are pretty low where I am anyway, but it won’t hurt me to have stuff stored in the basement–it comes in handy when a branch blows down too. I do have some frozen water bottles in the chest freezer down there, and they seem to last longer, but it’d be nice to have some larger capacity.

    3. paul*

      I’m looking for an outside, but informed, opinion on how the response to Harvey went if you’re able to give one. I’ve been mulling it over in my head since it happened and get stuck between getting mad and sad every time. From the inside, it seemed like Ike was handled a lot more smoothly but it wasn’t as bad a storm either, and we all know how much that can impact things.

      1. LaRaBa*

        I’m not super familiar with how Harvey went – I’m back in school at the moment and mostly work on international disasters, so am a bit out of the loop with domestic events.

    4. Admin of Sys*

      re: epidemic outbreaks – I used to work for a Public Health program, so I’ve always wondered how communication is structured in regards to epidemics and pandemics. I know the US has the CDC, but do most other countries also have a governmental department that tracks and responds to outbreaks? And does the CDC have prescribed processes to alert local government / other people in regards to outbreaks or is this a ‘ it depends’ sort of thing? (I was, briefly, in a group of people who would be called in to work if there was a SARS pandemic, and I always wondered how our school would find out – would someone call the Dean or an official come by, or what)

      1. LaRaBa*

        I’d say that many other developed nations have something akin to the CDC, or at least a national public health department. However, many developing nations don’t have the reporting structures in place to get alerted at the national level when some kind of wonky health issue pops up in an outpost somewhere far from the capital city. That’s part of why the West Africa Ebola outbreak took from December of 2013, when the first person became ill, till March or April of 2014 when it was finally recognized as an emergency.
        CDC does some capacity-building in other countries around setting up reporting systems, I believe. And orgs that work in the development space also work on this, but it’s far from perfect around the world.
        And, to be honest I’m not sure how folks get alerted to this domestically – but I think (someone correct me if I’m wrong!) that there are Emergency Management working groups, where representatives from the hospitals, the county/city, and other folks (think SBA, superintendant, university police or university emergency management) have regular meetings to plan for these things, so it’s likely that they’ll inform each other. The other way folks might get news is… the news :)

        1. valc2323*

          Basically every nation in the world has some equivalent of CDC, but their actual capacity to detect and respond to emergencies varies widely. Unfortunately the money for global capacity building keeps taking hits. Look up GHSA, the Global Health Security Agenda, for some current information. Notification-wise, check out the World Health Organizations International Health Regulations (2005, I think?) and “public health emergency of international concern”.

    5. Spcepickle*

      I am a licensed civil engineer who works as as project manager. I would really like to move into disaster response (as a project manger, i think the skills would transfer well). I have looked at and applied for jobs with red cross and FEMA but I haven’t heard back.
      Can you give any recommendations for breaking into the field. Places to look for jobs, skills that might needed, experience I could work towards that would make me a good candidate?

      Thanks!

      1. aidpro*

        Another humanitarian (though more focused on response to conflicts/displacement rather than natural disasters, though I have done both) – yes, your skills would absolutely transfer (for example as a program manager for a shelter or water and sanitation program). Look for jobs with NGOs as well; the main industry job board is reliefweb. While most of these are either international or HQ-based but focused on international responses, there are more recently several large NGOs focusing on increasing their capacity to respond in the US as well. If you’re looking to work internationally, it’s generally easier to get your foot in the door in a “hardship” location, or with a smaller organization.

        1. LaRaBa*

          I second aidpro’s comments, but would add that you might find it easier to get a bite from the Red Cross or FEMA if you start volunteering for disaster response organizations and if you take FEMA’s online courses about the Incident Command System (ICS) and the National Incident Management System (NIMS) – there are online certificate classes you can find through FEMA’s website, I believe.
          Emergency management, and disaster/humanitarian response have their own particular ways of doing things, and orgs do look for evidence that you’ve taken the initiative to figure out what those systems look like.
          Good luck!

    6. Not So NewReader*

      Just a question out of curiosity. My church group will go to areas hit by disaster. Do you think church groups are helpful? Do you think they make a meaningful impact?

      1. paul*

        Taken as a whole? Yes, they can. Some are better than others and I’m not going to name names here. It comes down to how well trained and vetted the volunteers are, and if the group has a good handle on its own abilities, logistics, and limitations.

        1. LaRaBa*

          I’m less on board with spontaneous volunteer groups (including, but certainly not limited to church groups) that head to disasters – but especially if they are going internationally. Domestically, I think there are fewer damaging ramifications- you know the culture, the language, and you’re more likely to avoid being a resource drain on the community- and you know the system of how things get done in your own community/country.

          Internationally, there have been a lot of problems with non-professional responders heading to a disaster area (Haiti comes to mine) and thinking that because it’s a disaster, that the normal rules and ethics don’t apply. If you are a trained professional who is prepared for deployment, there’s a greater chance that you can work within the professional ethical guidelines that the humanitarian community has established (Sphere Guidelines, for example). You’re also more likely to be a resource drain – again, in Haiti, water was incredibly scarce, and if you don’t come with your own bottled water, you’re diverting resources from survivors who also need water and who have many fewer resources.
          Finally – sending many inexperienced volunteers is great for morale, but the money spent buying plane tickets, paying for lodging, food, transportation, etc, would be so much more useful if donated to a local or international org that has the local connections and established capacity to do work that they know is needed in their community.

          1. paul*

            Not all of them are spontaneous though; I should have clarified my response significantly.

            There’s 3-4 large church associations that do a lot of domestic disaster response and regularly work with governmental agencies and NGOs in the event of disasters. Certainly no group should self dispatch (and I should have clarified that), but I kind of assumed (and I shouldn’t have) that NotsoNew was a member of one of those large established groups.

            If its your mens bible study or w/e randomly self dispatching STAY THE HELL HOME.

            1. LaRaBa*

              Ah yes, then I concur! We are most definitely on the same page – you’re right, since I don’t work domestically, I forgot about the good work that the large church associations that are integrated into the response world do. My bad!

            2. Not So NewReader*

              Thank you for this mini-discussion here. It has been very informative.
              I am not clear on how our church group works. I think we hitch our wagon to someone else. For example we have a pastor at the location who links us up to other people. I think we ask permission to come and have a key person who actually lives in the afflicted area. The group that goes is a mixed group of life long contractors and newbies and people in between. (Farm country, everyone learned to build a barn when they were kids. No, not really but this is a culture that puts a high value on practical know how.) Knowing my church the newbies are probably assigned to be under the supervision of a contractor who knows what is going on.

              I think we got invited back, so I am leaning toward the idea that they are handling things correctly most of the time.
              Thanks, again. I found this very enlightening.

      2. Anxa*

        (also jumping in: was a sanitarian on a medical reserve corps response team)

        The church thing can get so complicated in my opinion. On the one hand, the churches were INVALUABLE to the local Hurricane Sandy response, but I witnessed that more as a resident than a volunteer.

        But….

        I’ve seen a lot of times where churches want to respond in their own way, but don’t really know much about federal and state disaster response protocol. There can be a lot of tension when a church organizes a lot of food preparation, but an official agency has to turn it away because there’s absolutely no accountability for its safety. Also, local communities tend to side with their local organizations and resent the Red Cross, National Guard, FEMA, etc. “taking over” the response. And sometimes that comes from legitimate grievances.

        1. LaRaBa*

          These are good points. I think there’s also a difference between spontaneous volunteers and churches or local groups responding *in their own community* – because that’s the main way things will get rebuilt! And those same folks traveling to the affected area and trying to do something without knowing the context or needs or response system.

        2. Not So NewReader*

          Thank you both for your added insights.

          Our church went down after Sandy. One of our people actually found and rescued an elderly person. This was a while after the storm, too. I can see where that could just happen by coincidence. But our folks were working with a local church who prepared for the group’s arrival and told us what to bring to sustain ourselves and so we could work. I am beginning to think our church is in tune enough to know there is a right way to handle things. Thanks!

  73. Adereterial*

    UK Government professional here – happy to answer questions about how it works, how to get hired etc!

    Also pretty good at writing competency examples.

    1. rosiebyanyothername*

      Tangentially related, but I am moving to the UK for graduate school in Sept and hoping to continue working there after graduation. From reading this blog, have you noticed any difference in job-hunting standards and practices between the US and UK? Don’t want to potentially embarrass myself in my job hunt!

      1. Discordia Angel Jones*

        Don’t put a photo on your resume (it’s a CV here actually!). We also don’t want other personal details like D.O.B., marital status, gender etc (but I think that’s the same in the US).

        CVs can be longer than one page, if you have a lot of professional experience (I am a lawyer, about 2 years post qualification, and my CV is 3 pages). Academic CVs, in particular, tend to be longer than two pages (my husband is an academic).

        Other than that, I think it’s pretty similar. Do your research, prepare for competency questions, etc. :)

      2. Adereterial*

        We’re a little more reserved so recruitment is also more low key. I don’t think major multi-stage recruitment processes are that common, either. I’ve never had a telephone interview, ever, for example.

        Definitely no photo, date or birth etc on your CV. CVs are generally around 2 sides of A4 but that can depend on the industry.

        From what I can tell, job adverts are more likely to have a salary (at least a range) on them. Negotiating for things like healthcare doesn’t often happen (some companies may offer private healthcare, but it’s not that common), or for annual leave. 28 days is the minimum by law here which strikes me as well over what is typically offered in the US. You don’t get to negotiate salary for civil service roles so I’ve no experience of it but I don’t believe it’s very common – at least not in the same way.

        ‘At will’ employment doesn’t exist here. You can be dismissed for any reason in your first 2 years without much recourse (unless it’s discriminatory – and our anti-discrimination laws are much more robust so far as I can tell), but that’s it. Otherwise, unfair dismissal can include an employer failing to follow their own processes.

        Notice periods tend to be longer, too – the minimum is a week but 4 weeks or longer isn’t unusual. How much needs to be given on each side will be set out in an employment contract (or a handbook) – everyone is deemed to have one, but if there’s nothing in writing then statutory requirements apply.

        You cannot be paid under the national minimum wage – there’s no reduced rate for tipped employees. Paying less is illegal and companies are publicly shamed for doing so!

  74. SororityAlumna*

    I am a regional-level alumna volunteer for my sorority (a large national Panhellenic organization). I’ve been an alumna advisor for a local collegiate chapter, facilitated workshops and conference learning tracks, and now volunteer directly with chapter leaders and other alumnae volunteers. I can answer questions about Greek life in general, the collegiate/alumni experience, or anything you might want to know!

    1. grace*

      Wooo sorority women! I’ve been thinking about getting involved with my alumna chapter lately but they always seem to meet on days that I’m out of town or just can’t make it for another reason – any suggestions on getting involved and, well, staying involved?

      1. SororityAlumna*

        Yes! First of all, reach out to your local alumnae chapter and let them know that you’d like to get involved but that the times/dates aren’t working. When I was an alumnae chapter officer, we often had to guess on what events & times would work well for our local members. They may also have a Facebook/similar group that you can meet up virtually with local alumnae. Your city may also have a Panhellenic alumnae chapter and they usually have meetups.

        Also, reach out to your national organization and see if there is a need for volunteers! Many national orgs need volunteers to help their chapters as advisors/volunteers. For my sorority, there are a number of remote and in-person opportunities that work with a variety of time commitments. I’ve made some really great friends and built up my network through these positions, and there’s often opportunities to travel to conventions/national conferences.

    2. rosiebyanyothername*

      What’s your take on Greek life on resumes? I am still new to the workforce and did hold some offices in my sorority. I have it on the memberships section of my resume & LinkedIn, but I worry to some it could read wrong (i.e. all the stereotypes about “sorority girls”). But Greek connections can work to your advantage as well! Do you think it depends on the industry?

      1. SororityAlumna*

        I think that Greek life *absolutely* should have a place on resumes! I definitely feel that the only way to combat stereotypes about sorority women is to provide a positive alternate narrative. A few things to keep in mind:

        1) If you are still in school/a recent graduate (1-2 years), you should probably include it on your resume and highlight your officer positions. After that, I’d leave it off (and, per Alison’s advice, you should be paring down what college things you have on your resume at that point anyway!).

        2) If you become involved as an alumna and have leadership roles to show, put those in! I’ve listed my involvement as part of my volunteer positions (I work in the nonprofit sector, so that definitely shows up on resume & LinkedIn profiles) and have discussed these openly in job interviews.

        3) Just like you tailor your resume & cover letter to the position, tailor what aspects of the Greek experience best apply to your job/industry. Are you going into finance/business? Highlight that you managed a budget of $xxxx and were the Treasurer of your chapter. Fundraising/development? Talk about how, as the Philanthropy Chair, your chapter raised $xxxx for your sorority’s cause. Resolving conflict? Talk about how you were on the Executive Board/Standards Committee and had to deal with sticky situations with sisters.

        4) Even if you weren’t an officer/didn’t hold a “big” position, your collegiate sorority experience can be a great place to pull examples for those “tell me a time that you….” job interview questions, particularly as a recent graduate. A time you worked in a team? Talk about the committee you were on that planned your signature fundraising event. A time you had to resolve conflict? Talk about the time that you didn’t get along with your Greek Week partner and you had to find a way to work together.

        1. NonSororityAlumna*

          I would suggest to highlight your leadership position titles in your education section, and elaborate on skills or experience that is relevant in your cover letter. Otherwise, highlight your abilities and experience that fit the position, not just the fact that you are in a perceived “exclusive” network. It’s not your responsibility to dispel stereotypes during your job search, its your responsibility to best serve yourself as a authentic candidate. It is doing yourself a disservice to approach your job search assuming someone will have a bias either for or against Greek life IMO.

          1. SororityAlumna*

            Yes, I 100% agree. To clarify: I don’t think that being a member of Greek life is something you should lead with but rather something that is a value-add in many situations (just like with any extracurricular or volunteer commitment).

            I think the best thing to dispel stereotypes is to be the best person you can be in any environment while also not being ashamed about being a member of Greek life. If you’re a great employee that produces stellar work product and able to discuss what you gained from Greek life if it comes up in conversation (beyond the social/networking aspects), I think that can go a long way to providing that positive narrative.

        2. Any Mouse Wife*

          Resumes are the worst possible place to fight against negative stereotypes.

          Your goal is noble. Your remedy is not going to change anything, and may cost you perfectly good jobs.

          Only put your greek stuff on a resume if:
          You have a good reason to think the hiring manager will like it – for example, he or she was into greek life or your specific frat/sorority.
          You have very little applicable job experience and did something in your frat/sorority that might apply to your job. This should come off your resume as soon as you have better job experiences to cite, for the exact same reasons that you’d take off the same kind of stuff if it came from your college chess club membership or your college track-and-field experience.

          Otherwise, it’s a gamble on whether someone will ignore it as a waste of resume space (most likely), dislike it (possible, minority view), or view it favorably (possible, smallest minority view). No one is going to look at your resume GPA and work history, then look at your greek experience, and suddenly have a change of heart about greek stereotypes.

    3. InternWrangler*

      We are always looking for volunteers to be mentors for our teen moms. I think sorority alumni could be a really good recruiting ground, but we never seem to be able to get access to them. Do you have any suggestions on how to reach out to their groups and see if there would be any interest?

      1. SororityAlumna*

        Try looking on Facebook/Google to see if there are local alumnae chapters (either for a sorority or for the local Panhellenic Alumnae Chapter). You could also reach out to local collegiate chapters and see if they know of any local chapters that are active. Depending on your city, you may also have a national headquarters that could be a big place to tap into that network.

      2. NYC Redhead*

        Not my area of expertise, but The Links Incorporated is a group of sorority alumnae with many local chapters who might help, too.

  75. Mimmy*

    I wouldn’t say I’m an “expert”, but I have a lot of knowledge about disabilities, especially vision disabilities, including common services / resources as well as the Americans with Disabilities Act. (I am looking to eventually hone my knowledge to focus on the ADA and sensory disabilities).

    1. Tea, please*

      No questions now, but nice to know this expertise is here. My 10 m o daughter has been diagnosed with low vision.

      1. Mimmy*

        Is your daughter in any sort of early intervention program? I’m mainly familiar with services for adults (the facility I work at focuses on vocational rehabilitation and related instruction), but I know that my state’s agency for the blind & visually-impaired (note: not every state has such a separate agency) offers services throughout the life cycle, including for infants and toddlers. I highly recommend this if you have not done so already.

        If you do come up with any questions, feel free to respond here or hit me up in one of the Open Threads (weekend one is probably best). I love offering resources and don’t get to do it very often.

    2. Not So NewReader*

      My good friend is losing her vision to macular degeneration.
      She is interested in getting a text to speech program for her computer.
      An recommendations? Any strong “no, do not do get X”?

      1. Mimmy*

        I sadly admit that I am not as well-versed in assistive technology (the collective term for what you’re probably looking for) as you’d think I’d be (It’s hard to explain without getting into the nitty-gritty of my agency), so my advice is general:

        It sounds like your friend is interested in what’s called a screen reader – this type of software reads aloud any onscreen text (emails, documents, web pages) and may also be able to describe images (as long as they are properly tagged). The most common program is JAWS–it’s an acronym, but I can never remember what it stands for. Anyway – it’s the one our center instructs on. It’s compatible with many common computer programs, but can take a long time to learn because it involves using keyboard shortcuts, and there are a LOT of them.

        If your friend’s remaining vision is still usable, there may be programs that are a combined screen magnifier and screen reader. The one I’m familiar with is Zoom Text, although I think the latest version now incorporates JAWS as the two separate manufacturers merged within the last couple of years.

        I would recommend that your friend get a proper technology evaluation by a trained specialist, especially if she legally blind. They can assess her computer skills, interests and current level of remaining vision, and suggest the most appropriate software. They may also be able to set it up and train her on how to use it and to make appropriate visual and auditory adjustments. I don’t know what’s available in other states, but in my state, I think most assessments and trainings are conducted through my state’s agency for the blind & visually impaired, including the center where I work.

        Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help further :)

  76. Alex*

    I’m really good at Beekeeping and Freedom of Information Requests and Privacy Breach

    Ask away

    1. Reba*

      Is there like a minimum size setup at which beekeeping makes sense for an amateur?

      How do bees manage their sensitive information? :)

      1. Alex*

        For an amateur , I would focus on 2 or 3 hives max.

        One hive makes sense but it is a large investment at the beginning so might have well get two. Also, very sadly, you might loose one during the year so at least you will have a “backup” in case that happens. Also, always have an empty hive on hand in case of swarms or splits.

        I also recommend that you join your local beekeeping association. There is a ton of resources and a lot of like minded people that can help you out in a pinch.

        and Lol – bees keep all their information secure on an off shore server. ;)

    2. Morning Glory*

      I have seen a lot of options for buying beekeeping kits, houses, etc. but not a lot of resources for buying actual bees – do these exist online, or do you need to find some kind of local specialty store?
      How can you estimate how many bees your area will be able to support without harming wild populations, in terms of food supply?

      1. Alex*

        The same people that sell equipment will usually sell nukes. If you are in the US, you can get them mailed to you

        (Side story, mine actually came in the regular postal mail. FREAKED OUT mail man as this box is just buzzing away in mail bag!)

        As for the numbers, bees fly a 5 mile radius from their hives. I do urban beekeeping so there is always a source of food nearby. Toronto is a (mostly) pesticide free city so we live trough the cycle of trees flowering, gardens, and flower boxes. Our honey is amazing.
        What you need to watch out for in mono culture in farmland country. Have field upon fields of , lets say potatoes, gives the bees a very limited source of food. What is left might not be enough to sustain them through the season.

    3. Lora*

      My darn bees keep swarming. I was using Russian queens the past few years and the hives were wonderfully productive, but the darn things never made the combs straight – often they made their combs diagonal to the frames (don’t ask me how, they just did) or they would stick the combs together so they were impossible to check or separate into other supers and clean out extra queen cells properly. Then they swarm, and sometimes the winter colony comes back and sometimes it doesn’t. This year it didn’t, so I’m trying a nuc from a local beek that isn’t Russian, but do you have any other ideas?

      (I’m in New England where winter hates me personally)

      1. Alex*

        How about re-queening with some Italians or Australians? I’ve had a lot of luck buying from Humble Bees in Ontario. I don’t know if they would / could ship cross border but their bees are amazingly tamed. I go out without suit or veil and haven’t been stung for the last 5 years.

    4. Extra Vitamins*

      Do you also know about bumblebees? We have some that appear to be living inside a concrete block retaining wall. Is that normal? And how to I encourage them?

      1. Alex*

        Totally normal. Bumblebees are solitary bees and wont cause trouble. Give them flowers, maybe a source of water if their is no access (they don’t need much), and keep your yard pesticide free.

        They are pretty much harmless :)

    5. Michaela*

      What’s the learning curve for urban beekeeping like? Is there a way to get involved with it to find out if I’m into it in practice or just in theory?

      1. Alex*

        The best thing I can suggest is to find either a beekeeping association or some sort of cooperative. I got my “bee degree” from Massachusetts Association. It had a lot of very good learning and you got to learn a lot of theory.

        Once I moved to Toronto, I joined the Toronto Beekeeping Cooperative. We take in 40 members each year, we have on-staff professional beekeepers and we encourage new-bees (AH!) to join.

        It takes about a full cycle to know what you will be doing. A lot of people join for a year (or actually give up mid-year) and never return. The ones that got the bug stick with the TBC for much longer.

        Most associations I’ve joined have a mentorship program so you can be paired up with someone with experience.
        Starting a hive is expensive. It’s a least $1000 for the hive and then you have to deal with extraction and storage. Better off getting your feet wet somewhere to know if you actually do like it.

        And for the love of everything that is pure and good in this world, DO NOT get a flow hive. It’s a complete rip off.

  77. Mimmy*

    That said, I do need some help:

    Looking for tips and resources from anyone experienced in teaching people who might have barriers to learning, such as a developmental disability or limited English skills. I teach keyboarding (typing) to blind & visually impaired adults; while staff and students really enjoy working with me, I’ve had a few students who have additional limitations that make instruction challenging. I have zero training in any of this – my background is in social work. (Note: instruction is usually 1:1).

      1. Mimmy*

        Thanks for the reply! I’m not sure – one student I was thinking of in asking this does not speak English very well, is completely blind, and had no computer experience. He’s almost done with my class, but man I could’ve used you when I first met him! I had a heckuva time describing what I wanted him to learn, given that, although I do know some of his language, it’s not enough to where I could speak it. He does not use an interpreter, although there are other students who also speak his language and have probably helped him. (I’m being purposely vague to protect his privacy)

        I just teach touch-typing and special function keys; any tips for if/when I get a student in the future who has limited English?

        1. whingedrinking*

          That is challenging, especially since when I teach adults I often rely on their ability to use written resources like dictionaries, or visual resources like Google Images, when communication breaks down.
          If someone in the class shares their language, that can be very helpful and should definitely be encouraged (teachers are starting to back off on the whole “English only” thing in a lot of contexts). Feedback is very important, since a lot of ESL students are in an unfamiliar place culturally and aren’t always sure if everything is going as it should. They may also want you to correct their English, though I’d say if you’re not in a language class, stick to their typing skills. Make sure to enunciate clearly and use plenty of body language. The board is a surprisingly useful tool, as a lot of adults have low listening skills and like to have the words up where they can see as well as hear the important information. Also, I encourage a lot of horizontal collaboration, because students are almost always less shy with each other than with the teacher and less hesitant to ask questions. You want to be careful, though; some ESL students are thrilled to be working with a native speaker, others might get intimidated. Basically use your judgement about whether you think two students would make a good team.
          In the case of your blind student, I’d say make sure that you’re giving him enough spoken feedback, since he can’t see the signals that teachers often give off in their body language and facial expressions. Is his computer enabled with text-to-speech software? If that’s not possible, could someone read his typing back to him?
          Also, consider the way touch affects his learning experience. If he can read Braille, then that’s a resource to tap into, for example. I don’t know if his keyboard is different from anyone else’s, but you might consider modifying it to be more tactile. Certain keys could be marked with sandpaper, maybe? I’m spitballing here a bit, but that’s the way my mind is going.

  79. SAT/ACT Tutor*

    I have tutored SAT/ACT prep for the last 5-6 years. Ask me anything about the best way to prepare for the tests and what you really need to know.

    1. Teach*

      Is SAT prep effective for the PSAT? I have a few potential National Merit Finalists on my roster right now. (Current sophs, took the test early to get a feel for it, scored near this year’s cut score…)

      1. SAT/ACT Tutor*

        Ultimately the SAT and PSAT (and ACT for that matter) all test very similar things. I would argue the the strategies and knowledge needed for all are pretty much in line with one another. Where there are differences is with timing and structure/format. If a student is TRULY at a National Merit level, they should be practicing with PSAT practice instead of SAT because those small differences will make a difference at very high scoring levels. The company I work for has separate materials and curriculum for PSAT even though the tests are similar.

  80. SophieChotek*

    I guess I’m good at research (esp. in humanities). And I know random stuff about lots of things…(history, the arts)…
    Not very useful things here, LOL!

    Looking forward to reading everyone else’s expertise!

  81. Myrin*

    Hit me up if you happen to have any questions regarding German as a language.

    I am German but I also have a bachelor’s in German studies, a master’s in German literary studies, and I’m working on my doctorate in German language and literature of the Middle Ages, so I’m clearly TOO POWERFUL and need to channel that somewhere. Ahem.

    Also, highly unlikely, but if someone happens to want to talk medieval German manuscripts, I’m ya gal.

    1. Libervermis*

      Is there any rhyme or reason to noun genders, or is it just one of those things that you pick up/“know”? Same for how past-tense verbs work. And whether or not there are rules, how did these different noun genders and irregular verbs come about?

      1. Myrin*

        There isn’t really. I mean, there are general rules, like nouns ending in “-heit/-keit” are always female, but as a native speaker I honestly only ever thought about that because a Russian woman I studied with talked about some rules that help her memorise stuff. In general, though, it really is just something that you need to learn to remember.

        By “how past-tense verbs work”, do you mean schwache and starke Verben? Like, that some end in “-te” end some have Stammformen? (I honestly don’t know what the correct linguistic term for that is in English. It’s when you conjugate “to go” as “go – went – gone”, each of those is a Stammform. Like “gehen – ging – gegangen”.)

        As for that, starke Verben make their past-tense through Ablaut (the change of the main vocal, like the e – i – a in my “gehen” example), which is the original indogermanic way of creating a verb’s past tense. IDK why that’s a thing originally though; probably because humans like to make weird noises with their mouths. You’d have to ask an Indo-European scholar about that.

        As for the schwache Verben, I actually broke out my introductory book to middle high German by Weddige to convey this accurately, so let me cite: “Sie bilden ihr Präteritum, und das ist eine germ. Neuschöpfung, durch Zusammensetzung des jeweiligen Verbalstammes mit Resten einer reduplizierten Präteritalform des Verbums ‘tun'”. I don’t know how good your German is but that’s a bit hard to understand in any case, so let me explain and simplify: schwache Verben are a Germanic innovation and come into existence by combining a verb’s Stamm, its main part, with a form of “to do”. That’s what the “-te” ending is, a shortened version of “tun”. Again, as for why that happened in the first place, I don’t know. It’s usually all speculation in any case but since this is way before my time, speaking history-wise, I don’t really know any of those speculations, and they tend to be pretty wild in any case.

        I hope that’s what you were looking for and I didn’t just drone at you for nothing! ;)

    2. SophieChotek*

      Ha, wish you lived next door. I really need to resurrect my German. I would be wanting coffee once a week just to practice!

  82. MAB*

    I am very good at writing SOP’s. Both the simple work instructions to the very detailed SOP’s required by food safety regulations.

    1. Emmie*

      I always wonder if my SOPs are good enough for the next person. What should I be thinking about when I write SOPs?

      1. MAB*

        My general rule is keep the SOP simple because someone will figure out how to do something foolish. I also keep in mind what works for my team and my company. What works for team A may not work for team B and be ok with that. If you have to write a company wide SOP make it so a 5th grader can understand it.

    2. DML*

      How would I advertise and interview for a good SOP developer and writer? I think it would be better to hire a consultant than an employee. Our business is ready for this step. We are technical/engineering/manufacturing/aerospace.

  83. Roja*

    I teach ballet and modern/contemporary dance and am happy to answer questions on anything dance-related. I also work in the world of captioning and transcription so if you’ve ever wanted to know how that works… ask away!

    1. medium of ballpoint*

      If you’re an adult with no dance skills to speak of but you’d like to learn, what’s the best way to find a class/teacher/etc. without making an ass of yourself in front people who can dance?

      1. Roja*

        What style are you looking to get into? That’ll change my answer pretty significantly depending on what you’re interested in.

      2. I'd rather be blue*

        Seconding this! I would love to be able to dance. Specifically jazz and I would love to learn ballet. I’m a singer/actor, but I find that my dance skills (or lack thereof) hold me back from some musical theatre work.

        1. Roja*

          See my long reply below! :) In your case, the local theater community may have some good recommendations. Hope you can find a good fit!

      3. VA Anon*

        Once you find an intro adult class in your preferred genre, remember that you are there for you. Other people in the class are not not focused on you. Trust me. Do not overthink it. Just enjoy the dance.

      5. Roja*

        Okay, this is probably going to be super long, but here goes. Without knowing where you live or what style you’re interested in, this is going to be a bit broad and not as thorough as I’d like. First, if you’re looking for ballet classes:

        In general, if you want proper technique and solid training (that doesn’t mean it isn’t relaxed, or an enjoyable class, of course), an easy way is to look for studios that are affiliated with professional companies. These often tend to be bigger too, which means a much better chance of having a dedicated adult program. If they don’t, you can always call and ask if they have recommendations. If that doesn’t pan out for whatever reason (and there are tons of great studios that aren’t affiliated with a company), take a look at the class schedule for teenagers. You’re looking for studios that will require at least 3-4 1.5 hour classes of ballet each week, and preferably 5-6. If you see a studio that has an hour a week ballet class and everything else is other dance forms or rehearsals for competition pieces, that’s not going to yield what you want in terms of solid ballet training. A school with classes specifically for adults, especially if there’s tiered levels for different skill levels, is very promising, because a lot of studios don’t offer them. If they’re offering more than one class, that means they’ve probably put time and effort into creating a healthy space for adults to learn and be welcome.

        Now, if you’re wanting other styles like jazz or tap, that’s a bit harder to find sometimes. My best recommendation is to, if there aren’t any adult classes in the style you want at studios near you (which there may well not be, depending on your area), start calling and asking around anyway. You may find there’s that one teacher who’s teaching through the Y or a church or something else that might not show up on Google Maps/general searches. You might even get lucky with a university nearby that has beginner-level classes that are open to non-degree-seeking students, or perhaps a local theater group that offers dance workshops. If you’re looking for social dance, there’s probably a club nearby; Facebook groups and events are good for finding those.

        Ultimately, if you live in a big metro area, you’re almost certain to find something. If you live in a small metro, your chances are good at finding an adult ballet class. If you live in a town/rural area, good luck; you could have half a dozen studios nearby and none of them might have options for you (although they might have a teen beginner class that could also work). You might have more luck with finding teen beginner classes in other styles in that case too. Classes specially geared towards adults are less common, in part because it’s just in less demand (we as adults are very good at convincing ourselves we’ll make a fool out of ourselves–I can’t tell you how many people tell me they could never dance, when in all reality they almost certainly could if they could get over that hump of embarrassment), and in part because not a lot of teachers want to develop the very separate skill of teaching adults well. It’s a pity! It’s a lot of fun. :)

        If you want more details on studio finding in terms of the quality of the studio itself and not just classes, because it would make the comment *very* long for me to copy/paste the whole thing, this article should be useful. I’m writing a series on studio-finding right now, and it’s a pity that this thread didn’t come in a couple of weeks when the post on finding adult dance classes will be up. I hope it’s okay to post this link; I wouldn’t mind copy-pasting it but really this comment is already a novel.
        https://howtodancer.wordpress.com/2018/03/14/how-to-find-a-studio-pt-1/

    2. Sal*

      How to get my flexibility back (especially for splits?)

      If I did pointe through high school and am now late 20s/early 30s taking local (non-pointe) classes for fun and exercise, is there any hope of me ever being strong enough to do pointe again? How often would I have to dance, or am I just too old/out of the game now?

      1. Roja*

        As far as getting flexibility back, you would just follow the same procedures you would normally follow for increasing flexibility–stretching regularly, stretching when already warm (! no cold stretches please), use massage (tennis ball, foam roller, etc), but be consistent and be patient. Do a lot of listening to your body, be consistent, be patient, and see where you get. If you’re still not where you want to be after six months or a year, reevaluate at that point; there are a few other things I’d pull out of my hat then, but be consistent and patient first.

        As to being back on pointe, based on what you’ve said, there’s no reason to assume you’re just “too old/out of the game!” Occasionally adults who have never been on pointe before get put on as adults (I’ve even heard of people into middle age and beyond), so I hope that’s encouraging! If I were your teacher, these would be my criteria (though your teacher(s) may have different/other ones)–2-3 (preferably 3) classes a week and sufficient core and ankle strength to do pointe safely and effectively. Basically the same as what I’d look at for putting a preteen/teen on pointe, but with the added caveat that I’d take a close look at your health and injury history (not that I wouldn’t for younger dancers, but they have fewer years for issues to crop up!); if you had, say, a bad fracture skiing, or a repeated history of nasty ankle sprains, I’d definitely take that into consideration. And especially for an adult dancer, I’d realistically look into whether you foresee generally being able to keep up the commitment and cost associated.

        That all being said, it sounds like if you had any major issues like that you probably would have included it in the original post, so it sounds like your chances are good if that’s what you want to pursue. :) Happy dancing!

    3. Princess Scrivener*

      So I’m the geek who’s interested in the captioning and transcription part. Do you freelance? What else can you share? What don’t I know that I’d like to? And why do my tv captions lag behind the actual conversation, but only on my favorite shows?

      1. Roja*

        Ha! I’m excited there’s a question on the captioning end! I do freelance but no so much in the sense you’re maybe thinking; I primarily work through one company right now. Although I’ve had several leads for typical freelancing they haven’t yet panned out. Which honestly is okay, because my plate is full enough as is.

        As to TV captions, they often lag because the captioner is captioning in real-time. That’s why your TV captions for news and such will be behind, but anything prerecorded will probably be synced properly. I’m not a real-time captioner, you have to go to school for that (like a trade school). IIRC, it bears similarities to the training for court reporters in terms of shorthand and special equipment and such. Even prerecorded captions are quite an interesting process. The software I used at my former company required us to type first and then sync those captions, which was actually rather enjoyable.

        But you need to be able to type very quickly to make it worth your while. I eventually switched over to editing transcription, since it’s much easier on my hands and wrists than typing constantly. On the one hand, it’s easy enough to get started in if you set your sights low in terms of companies and work your way up. On the other hand, it’s hard to do and actually be good at, since you have to have the speed to make it worthwhile as well as the accuracy to make it good quality. You definitely need a good head for details of grammar and spelling and kick-butt research/Googling skills.

  84. autophage*

    I’m a software developer / programmer. There are a bunch of us, but what makes me somewhat different is that a) I’m entirely self-taught (not super unique, but I particularly enjoy helping people with the process of self-teaching), and b) I’m quite good at translating between business-people-speak and computer-people-speak. So, if you’re a non-technical person that works with programmers, I’d be super happy to help build bridges there.

    1. LQ*

      How do I get one of the developers to work within an analogy? I can’t get good at his job, that’s not my job, I have my own job, but he wants me to learn everything about his job so I can understand what he’s saying. He’s super super literal and he at least no longer flinches when I use an analogy, but he talks right on over me. (There are other problems here too.) But how can I pull him toward not just pulling out the code and expecting me to read it and learn his job? (I have spent a bunch of time diving in way deeper than I should need to but I need him to meet me somewhere!)

      1. Elizabeth*

        This may be more about him, then programmers in general. I’m a programmer, and sometimes I find myself “talking in code”, but I stop as soon as either someone points this out, or eyes start glazing over.

        If you haven’t already, be clear with him that you don’t understand code, and no matter how much he keeps talking, it will *never* work. Hopefully that is literal and concrete enough that he’ll get the picture.
        And tell him exactly what he needs to do instead (ie analogy).
        It sounds like he might find it difficult coming up with an analogy, and maybe you can suggest he give it some more thought and come back, or write something up if he needs more time.
        That’s all I got. Good luck!

        1. LQ*

          Thank you. This is helpful overall, I’ve been doing these things and it’s getting a little better. But it also gives me hope for others. Right now I’m only working with 2 developers. The one who only talks in code and the one who doesn’t talk at all. I know their boss is working with both to help them and they’re each getting their own kind of better bit by bit but it’s slow.

          (I’m mostly hopeful I’m going to get someone new on the team and she’s really excellent at translating, talking and is excited about the project, so hopefully it will help the whole team to not just be me trying over and over with these two.)

      2. autophage*

        This kind of communication issue is pretty common. I’ll address your “thinking in an analogy” bit a bit further down, but I’d like to break down some of the broader stuff first, because it’s likely that that’s a symptom of some other things.

        This will vary significantly based on your line of business and the corporate culture surrounding your development teams, but in my experience these sorts of communicational discrepancies tend to come from some combination of inexperience and poor integration of the development team.

        When I say “inexperience” I mean this in terms of “in a business setting” – they might have twenty years of programming under their belt, but if it was all hardcore close-to-the-metal stuff and they’ve only recently transitioned to a business environment, that experience doesn’t really translate. You can improve this by giving direct feedback, but keep it focused on the behaviors and do your best to make it feel like you’re not attacking.

        Poor integration of the development team can be a much bigger problem, because it often has roots in the broader culture of your workplace and the organization’s hierarchy. In an ideal world, the software team would be collaborating early and often with the business team, ensuring that their goals are aligned. In the real world, business teams often doesn’t have the time to collaborate strongly with technical teams, which can lead to gaps in understanding.

        A really important area that you may be able to improve this is to develop a so-called “Ubiquitous Language”. Basically, the idea is that everyone involved with a technical project – coders, users, managers, DBAs, quality assurance – should be using the same words for the same things. This involves some tricky naming questions – for example, a financial institution is accustomed to the word “transaction” meaning one thing, while it means something completely different to a database developer. To disambiguate these, you might agree that the word “transaction” shouldn’t be used unless prefixed (so, either “financial transaction” or “database transaction”). The process of developing this shared ubiquitous language helps all teams to understand each other’s work as it relates to their own.

        That said, sometimes there are technical details that do have strong business implications. Don’t think of those as times when you’re forced to learn the developer’s job – think of those as opportunities to build bridges with the team by developing a shared understanding. A big part of that is tying the specific technical stuff (which is what he’s getting hung up on) to the inputs and outputs that are important to you. If you approach him with “I’d like to get better at communicating with you” as your goal, rather than “I’d like to get you to tone down the techno-babble”, you may find that you can come up with strategies to mitigate this. (For example, you might agree that you’ll listen to his descriptions on the condition that you’re permitted to interrupt with “please tie this back now”.)

        This bridge-building work is where I would put working with analogies. Analogy is a very useful tool, but they tend to break down at junctures where people are unsure if the other party is conceiving of things in the same way – you need a fair amount of shared context. It’s likely that his desire to move to the concrete implementation is based to some degree on a worry that you’re conceiving of things differently.

        A good strategy for helping with that is to delineate the analogy as somewhat separate from the rest of the conversation – something like “Okay, can I check my understanding here for a minute?” (wait for affirmation) “I’d like to lay this out as an analogy, and then we can go through what about the analogy does or doesn’t work. I get that it likely won’t be a perfect match, but I’m primarily focused on this one part of things, so as long as this is a useful way to think of that part, this will be a valuable exercise for me. Can you bear with me long enough to check my understanding?” Phrasing it that way will lessen the need to correct every little thing, because it’s clear that your intention is to understand some particular part. (The phrasing also strokes his ego a bit, which may help him be more receptive to a process that is otherwise distasteful to him.) It will also give you some context within the conversation to fall back on if he starts talking over you – “hey, hang on, I want to get the rest of this out here first, to be sure we’re on the same page.”

        There’s another possibility, too: it could be that he’s doing this (consciously or not) to show off, impress those around him, or throw you off balance. If it’s something like that, it might be worthwhile to figure out the root cause: maybe he’s worried about being laid off, and wants to appear too knowledgeable to get rid of, for example. If it’s something like that, the root cause will likely change how improvements in this area should be framed.

  85. Jo the seamstress*

    I don’t know if anyone will take me up on this, but I’ve been sewing my own clothing (and fancy dresses for family and friends on occasion) for about five years now. That doesn’t really make me an expert, but always happy to help folks out who want to start doing the same or are just curious about this topic!

      1. Jo the seamstress*

        My mum taught me to sew when I was eight or nine, and then as a teenager I sewed a lot of little things and started experimenting with really basic (and terrible!) garments. When I got to uni I started sewing a lot more and slowly got the hang of making wearable clothes. I started with a lot of free patterns I could find online (some good, some bad) and then as I had a bit more money, started purchasing more complex paper patterns, or patterns from indie companies like Collete or Sewaholic. You kinda just build on skills you have and try new things! Nowadays my work wardrobe is about 50% handmade, I’m aiming to get it even higher over the next year or two. The thing I love most is being able to make styles that I like in courts I like, and not being dependent on what’s in stores or in fashion!

    2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      How do you find good fabrics? I’d like to do a lot more home sewing, but it seems like a lot of the time the fabrics I can find for sale are not great — rough flannels with very little body or drape, paper-thin suiting fabrics for professional separates, so on.

      1. theanagrace*

        I’m seconding this question! I usually only sew things for my friend when she needs a pillow cover or smtg like that, because whenever I try to buy fabric for a project, it comes out 2 or 3 times more expensive than just buying a premade item. And that’s not even factoring in the time it takes. :/

        1. Jo the seamstress*

          This is the biggest misconception about sewing: that it’s cheaper than buying! Say I sew myself a dress suitable for work, it will usually cost me around $30-50 AUD. I can buy dresses for less… But then again, I can also pay a lot more for branded clothes. Its very rarely cheaper than buying cheap clothing, but it will be cheaper than high end stuff. Time not factored in!

      2. Jo the seamstress*

        This is the question! It helps to get to know the fabric stores in your area, what they usually carry and when they tend to go on sale (e.g. my favourite local store has a 30-40% of everything sale twice a year or so, so I will do a lot of shopping then). It also helps to get to know fabric types more, so you know what you’re looking for and can recognise it when you see it. Fabric shopping can be daunting sometimes because of the sheer amount of different things to choose from! E.g. I like sewing dresses, peplum tops, etc with cotton sateen, so I always know to keep an eye out for that, and things like ponte knits are great for pencil skirts, more fitted dresses, etc. I live in Australia so my shop recs probably wouldn’t be too useful, but keep exploring where you live and also when you travel! I’m overseas at the moment and gave picked up a few nice things already. :)

      3. As Close As Breakfast*

        I’ve found a good way to get good fabrics can be as remnants and they’re not nearly as expensive. Some manufacturers/brands will have outlets where they sell remnants. And a remnant for a (clothing, etc.) manufacturer is often way more yardage than I would generally need for a project. I’ve bought amazing wool from Pendleton outlets and to die for sea island cotton from a Talbots outlet. The stuff is WAY nicer than what I can find at a local store, and probably way more expensive retail than I’d be willing to spend!

        1. As Close As Breakfast*

          Also, you may only find the fabric at the factory/manufacturing site outlet, not the ones in all those ‘outlet mall’ shopping centers. Although I’ve occasionally found some smaller remnants at a Pendleton outlet in our local outlet mall, I’ve had much, much more success at their store that is actually at the mill. These kinds of outlets can be harder to come across, but are totally worth it when you do! For anyone in or visiting the Monterey area, the Robert Talbott outlet in Carmel Valley is worth the trip! I swear some of that cotton feels like friggin silk. Swoon.

    3. SophieChotek*

      I wish I could sew! I have so many things I would sew myself if I could.
      Would you say tailoring good suits – assuming one has chosen the right fabric and patterns…is it more about cutting everything correctly, or is equal parts cutting and sewing?

      1. Jo the seamstress*

        I think the most important part in this equation (which I still sometimes struggle with) is adjusting the pattern to get the right fit, before even cutting or sewing anything! Patterns will rarely fit your body perfectly as they are, e.g. I always have to do broad upper back adjustments if I’m sewing things with sleeves, otherwise I won’t be able to move my arms! But between cutting precision and sewing precision, I think you need both.

    4. Shishimai*

      Do you have any recommendations for making a personal sloper? Do you use one, or is there another method you use to get your stuff to fit? I sew cosplay, but I want to make the leap to sewing my own garments, but my unusual build makes pattern tinkering a (time-consuming, difficult) fact of life.

      1. Jo the seamstress*

        I don’t have one personally, but I do have a collection of personal favourite patterns that I know fit me, and that I will tend to use as slopes and then adjust as necessary. I tend to be OK with relatively minor adjustments to new patterns though. I’ve seen quite a few online workshops on this topic though, maybe that’s worth a look? Sorry I can’t really help more on this one.

        1. Shishimai*

          Thanks!

          Maybe I should buy a good basic pattern that looks like something I’d wear, and get more exciting from there.

          1. Jo the seamstress*

            Do it! Maybe have a look at the Simplicity Amazing Fit patterns? They usually come with multiple options for cup sizes or butt sizes, so that’s a really good start for getting something more customised.

    5. Instruct Not Destruct*

      Any tips for getting the tension right on a serger? I just got one and keep struggling with my stitches being too tight. When I try fixing it, it’s too loose. Maybe I’m the goldilocks of serger users?

      1. Jo the seamstress*

        Can’t help with this one, sorry. I don’t actually own a serger! I’ve gotten by pretty fine without one so far. Though if I have learned one thing sewing with a normal machine, it’s that the quality of your thread really can make a difference with tension issues. Maybe someone else will be able to help though?

      1. Jo the seamstress*

        You actually don’t need much! A straight stitch, zigzag stitch and all-in-one buttonhole function will get you through the majority of projects. A selection of feet (standard, zipper, walking foot – the latter helps you keep multiple layers in place easily with no slippage) is good to have. I started out on a basic Singer and recently upgraded to a Pfaff Ambition 1.0, which is fantastic. The Pfaff ones have a special technology called IDT, where the fabric is fed from both the top and the bottom (usually its just from the bottom). It means you can sew multiple layers or slippery fabric with no tension issues and is fantastic! But a walking foot will achieve the same results. So either way, go with something simple that won’t break your budget first! You can’t go too wrong here. :)

        1. Extra Vitamins*

          Thanks! I just want to repair seams and hems ( NOT denim) and make a few simple items that are mostly straight seams. The number of machine options gave me choice paralysis.

    7. foolofgrace*

      Interfacing: I’m making a nightgown and it called for interfacing so I went over to that section in the fabric store and I swear to God there must have been 30 bolts, none of which were easily labeled, not that I’d understand it. I figure since it’s a nightgown I can use the fabric itself for an interfacing but for future reference it would be good to understand it. I do know there’s fusible and non-fusible and fusible sounds much better.

      1. HannahS*

        So, as I understand it, interfacing can be basically broken into fusible/non-fusible, and woven/non-woven. Fusible means it has glue on one side that is activated by the heat of an iron. You cut it, place glue-side down on the main fabric, and press without rubbing the iron back and forth–pick it up and move it. Non-fusible (a.k.a. “sew in interfacing”) doesn’t have glue and needs to be caught in the seams. There’s nothing wrong with fusible interfacing and it’s the easiest to use, but I find that the glue does eventually fail, especially for something like a nightgown that’s laundered often, and in warm water, so I’d recommend cutting it to the same size as the pattern piece, so that it’ll be caught in the seams anyway.

        Woven interfacing means that it’s made of woven fibres, natural or synthetic. Non-woven means that the fibres were pressed/bonded together, and are therefore always synthetic. Woven is better for clothes, because it’ll move like “real” fabric. There is also knit interfacing, which should absolutely be the one you pick if your main fabric is a knit. Interfacings come in different weights, so you’ll want to choose something that is an appropriate stiffness for what you’re making. I use light to mid-weight interfacing for collars, cuffs, the button-bands of dress shirts (sometimes), and sometimes waistbands. I use mid-weight to heavy for bags. You can absolutely use self-fabric, or even just another layer of some fabric in many cases. Interfacing tends to be stiff for its weight/thickness; that’s the advantage of it–it’ll make a collar crisp without adding much bulk.

    8. Tau*

      Do you have any tips for someone getting started? Useful tutorials or the like? I really want to try to learn to sew T-shirts and dresses and stuff and have a sewing machine on loan from my mother, but I am intimidated by everything and have no clue where to start. :(

      1. foolofgrace*

        There are probably videos on youtube. JoAnn Fabrics sometimes has sewing classes. Also try the library. I mean, it’s best if you can get someone to show you (like my mom taught me), but those are probably good sources. Community colleges / adult education places might have classes, too.

      2. HannahS*

        I really, really recommend taking some kind of class. I’m self-taught, and so it’s absolutely possible, but I feel like it was a pretty inefficient way of learning. I failed a lot–that’s so, so normal, but it’s discouraging and ultimately is much more expensive than taking a course, because I wasted so much fabric on projects that didn’t work.

  86. Avyncentia*

    I’ve played piano and violin for years and am learning viola. My abilities don’t hold a candle to music majors and professionals, but I can still answer questions!

      1. Avyncentia*

        I started piano and violin as a child. Viola is my first adult instrument (which is pretty similar to violin, but the dynamic during lessons is *way* different than it was when I was a kid).

        1. sunshyne84*

          Yes I’ve been considering getting a keyboard and taking lessons, since I never did as a child. I played clarinet in middle school so I’d have to freshen up on the scales, but it won’t be too foreign I don’t think. The number of keys is what frightens me most.

          1. Avyncentia*

            I’d say go for it! Honestly, the vast majority of what you’ll play even at the intermediate-advanced level is going to be a 3-4 octave range. My mother started piano as an adult (she played clarinet through college). She finds the trickiest part is the music theory and reading the bass clef (it’s harder to learn new clefs as an adult), so flashcard that stuff to death. Knowing basic music theory (especially chord structure) isn’t a requirement, but if you learn better by thoroughly understanding what you’re doing, you’ll have an easier time if you embrace the theory.

            Try to find the patterns in the keyboard. Middle C is your starting note. See how each octave is structured the same. Scales are a great way to see these patterns.

            You can probably teach yourself the basics on your own (not what I recommended for the potential violist below), but if you can afford it, I’d recommend finding a teacher who is comfortable working with adult beginners, since they’ll be able to help you level up faster.

          2. Elan Morin Tedronai*

            You shouldn’t have too much difficulty with the scales, except the piano has a wider range than the clarinet and each hand is doing different things. Even then, you can sort of get by with playing 1-2 notes on the bass (the left hand) while letting the treble (your right hand) do most of the work, which in itself is only 2 octaves for most songs anyway.
            It helps that you already have that musical grounding from the clarinet, so rhythm, timing, etc should come back to you pretty easily. Listen to YouTube tutorials, practice and most importantly, be patient with yourself. The piano’s a harder instrument to learn than the clarinet when you first pick it up, but you’ll fly once you learn the basics. All the best! :)

      2. Jo the seamstress*

        I’m really interested in learning the viola! How much do you think I could teach myself? I am thinking of taking some lessons to start of to help with proper posture, technique etc, but then mainly going it alone. (I am good at music theory and have taught myself some guitar, piano, recorder and used to play clarinet, for background). Do you think that is a viable plan, or do you think regular lessons by a professional are essential?

        1. Avyncentia*

          Viola is awesome! I think it sounds so much better than a violin. I would definitely recommend starting with a professional because unless you have incredible self-awareness you’re not going to be able to teach yourself the posture and technique. Compared to what you’ve played in the past, viola is going to rely much more on your ear and spatial awareness in order to hit the right notes (no frets or keys!). It shouldn’t be too hard to learn the alto clef; just make some flashcards and you’ll get the hang of it.

          Whether you can strike out on your own from there depends on your goals. For example, my recorder skills are only good enough to play things like Christmas carols…and that’s all I want. So, nope, I don’t need a teacher for that. But I want to someday be able to play viola for a community orchestra or the pit of our local theater and I know I won’t be able to get to that level on my own.

          What I would highly recommend is seeing if any colleges in your area or even a local church have an orchestra that welcomes beginners (your teacher may also know of some groups). Playing in an ensemble will help you develop your skills and is also fun!

          Good luck!

    1. Nea*

      Oh, I’ve been really wanting to get into podcasting! What kind of equipment/software do you recommend?

      1. Gem*

        I am a very low budget podcaster! I started off using my laptop’s internal mic and audacity (which is a free sound editor. Looks like it’s from Windows 95, works great. I still use Audacity but I’ve upgraded my mics to Blue Snowball and a Zoom H2N for on the go recording. I actually put a guide to cheap podcasting on the web here: https://gemhill.github.io/Podcasting-No-Budget-No-Clue/

        (Content is way more important than sound quality. As long as you normalise your sound levels – this is so any different tracks, say if you’re interviewing someone, are roughly the same volume so people aren’t constantly turning it up and down – then you’re fine).

        Hope this helps!

  88. Amber Rose*

    I’m good at a lot of things you can’t teach, like paperwork and file organization. Even my job as safety manager is mostly just about making lots and lots of paperwork. My life is a pile of papers.

    The only thing I do teach sometimes is Japanese sword fighting. I can’t imagine who would need to know more about that, but I could answer questions about that too, haha.

    I’d like to learn more about graphics software like Adobe Illustrator, but since all I’ve done is more or less open other people’s files I can’t even begin to think of questions to ask.

    1. Reba*

      Tell us about swordfighting! Do you specialize in a particular kind of weapong? What’s the infrastructure for this — are there, like, meets?

      1. Amber Rose*

        Primarily we use katana. That said, my teacher and my grand-teacher get bored and start teaching us other things a lot. So I also know some staff, chokken (looooong sword) and dual sword wielding (smaller, lighter weapons). We are an offshoot part of the CKF, the Canadian Kendo Federation, which supplies us some funding and provides the structure for gaining grades, which are similar to belts in karate. There are tests twice a year for grades.

        We have training for three hours twice a week, and usually we organize weekend long seminars a couple of weekends in summer. They fly in teachers from around the world teach us at those times. Otherwise newcomers are given a wooden sword, a belt to stick it in, and a senior student to teach them how to walk and cut without hurting themselves. I am usually that senior student. =P

  89. Another Lauren*

    I can help with questions about customer service, hiring/training, or public speaking. Also, menswear from my long-time retail days. Wanna talk monk-strap shoes? I gotcha covered!

    1. Ashley*

      What do you recommend for training new employees for success – both entry level and managers who are equal to you.

      1. Another Lauren*

        One thing that’s worked really well for me is to get a master list together of everything you need from that position in advance, and give it to them on the first day with expected timelines for learning. I’ve found that having a checklist of projects can definitely help, especially having it written down for reference. Using an example of a retail assistant manager, some things might be:

        -Issue store keys and review which ones are which (Day 1)
        -Cover closing procedures (First week, with expectation that you’ll be able to close the store solo by the end of the week.)
        -Cover opening procedures (2nd week, same expectation)
        -Learn payroll system (by end of first month)
        -Learn how to write the schedule (by end of first month)
        and some longer-term ones:
        -Present Q2 numbers to regional director (you’ll shadow at least two regional visits first, don’t panic!)

        I also do formal check-ins at the end of their second day (since the first day is overwhelming enough) and at the end of each week of their training period. I ask what they feel like they’ve figured out, what’s been counter-intuitive, and what do they know now that they wish they had known earlier.

        I’m also a big proponent of written repositories for info, so that the quality of the training isn’t dependent on the trainer. Also so institutional knowledge stays with the institution, not the trainer. Online training systems are great for that, but binders work just as well. You’d want to review them monthly to make sure the content is still current, which I know can be time consuming, but is an absolutely critical part of it.

        This is the world’s longest comment, sorry! The last piece is to make sure that your employees (especially entry level ones) know that they’re not expected to know everything right away, and that questions are a good thing! I’ve seen new hires who are so afraid of bothering people with questions that they never learn something — it’s my job as a trainer to be on the alert for that and head it off at the pass.

    2. ContentWrangler*

      Besides a good suit, what do you think are key must haves for a man’s wardrobe? Like the male equivalents of the LBD.

      1. Another Lauren*

        Pants: good fitting dark wash, straight-leg jeans, a pair of British-khaki colored slim-fit chinos (the dark, slightly yellow khaki); dress pants in grey (no, you can’t just wear your suit pants). The chinos are a great sub for jeans on the weekend.

        T-shirts/knits: Henleys are always a good alternative to a t-shirt; they look much more polished, but are just as comfy. I’m a big fan of a medium grey or navy. That said, you can’t go wrong with a grey crew-neck t-shirt.

        Woven shirts: white broadcloth oxford for casual-wear. Roll the sleeves up Italian-style and I’m yours forever. Dress shirts should be made of a thinner material (poplin is always good) or have a textured weave. Pink dress shirts are awesome, and not enough people wear them. They always make you look like you just got back from vacation! If you’re not feeling that, stick to white, blue, or a small gingham or tattersall print.

        Sweaters: I love a good shawl-collar sweater, but I’m also a fan of a full-zip hoodie. Crewneck sweaters, raglan sleeve, also good. Not fully on-board with v-neck sweaters over a dress shirt, but it’s not the worst. I don’t love sweater vests, though. Is your torso that much colder than your arms, to warrant a sweater vest?

        Blazers/Sportcoats: just like you can’t wear suit pants alone, a suit jacket =/= blazer or sportcoat. If you can only get one, make it navy in either hopsack or birdseye; it will go with all the pants I just yelled at you to buy.

        Shoes: Canvas or leather sneakers (Stan Smiths, Purcells, etc.) in white. I find brogues too ornate when they’re formal, but I love a casual suede version or a boot. Also, monk strap shoes are great. For suiting, just standard oxfords. Oh, and very exciting, if you have a medium grey suit, try brown shoes/belts. It looks great, and not enough people do it.

      1. Lillie Lane*

        I will write a long response on my computer when I get home, so please check back — in the meantime, what are you most interested in thrifting? Clothes?

    2. ContentWrangler*

      Same! I love thrifting. I hardly ever buy fabric anymore. Instead I just go to the linens sections in goodwills and such. Sometimes they sell tablecloths and blankets as “fabric” for 50 cents a yard.

      2. The New Wanderer*

        I’ve been doing that lately too – gotten some deals on duvet covers and sheets that are nice soft cotton and still in really good condition for far cheaper than by the yard at a sewing store. My latest find is a set of two black and gold placemats for a dollar that will become a fancy messenger bag.

    3. E*

      Me too! I love looking for brands I like, such as Ann Taylor. Then it’s just a matter of checking for holes or stains, and making sure the fit is good. I am slowly building a capsule wardrobe of work basics from thrift for a fraction of the cost and it all is lasting longer than cheap Walmart pieces for less.

    4. Victoria, Please*

      Ooo, me too! Most of my wardrobe in fact…

      My two tips are: 1) it must fit RIGHT NOW, not 5 lbs from now, and 2) do not buy if there are any stains, rips, ANYTHING problematic no matter how small the problem is. Bonus: don’t buy dry-clean only stuff. It’s a bummer to pay more for cleaning it than to get it.

      Also, patience, patience, patience. Be ready to go through every hanger on the rack.

  91. swEngineerIntern*

    Looking for advice on job searching overseas! I work in the tech industry (US) and I just don’t know where to look or how to start the process.

    1. Sal*

      I came here to ask the same question. I’m an engineer for the DoD in the US, I look for NATO stuff but it is so few and far between that I need to start looking somewhere else.

  92. A Non E. Mouse*

    IT gal here, with knowledge of G Suite, legacy Microsoft Exchange/DC/Etc. VOIP phone systems, and other random things.

    Also, I’m terribly excited to read this entire thread. TOTALLY GEEKING OUT HERE GUYS.

    1. ThursdaysGeek*

      What is a good spider identification book? Or insect identification book? Most of the ones I find have an overview of broad classes for a large area, which is pretty much useless when you’re trying to identify a specific bug in your yard.

      For instance, it took me some time to identify the blue-jackets in our yard. They looked like yellow jackets, but some were definitely blue and black. Our local extension office couldn’t help. With the internet and other people’s help, we identified the clumping blue-jackets on a bush as a type of solitary ground-dwelling wasp.

      I also had problems identifying a false widow spider. It looked like a super dark brown northern widow (and all the books just say black widow), but it didn’t have any red at all, and the egg sac was fuzzy instead of smooth. The Burke Museum in Seattle finally helped me with that identification.

      But I’m a book person. I have tons of bird identification books, tree identification books. I have spider and insect books too, and I know there are a lot more species of insects than there are of birds. But I’d sure like a good local insect identification book.

      1. Lillie Lane*

        Do you have the National Audubon Guides? I find those the most helpful for flipping through quickly to find the photo that most closely matches the insect. I have great respect for the Peterson’s guides since they are classics, but they are a bit more difficult for a newbie to match what they’re seeing with the drawings.

        Another great book is “Garden Insects of North America”, which has wonderful photos and goes into a lot of depth about the crazy looking caterpillars you will sometimes come across.

        I’m not a spider expert, but my favorite resource is “Some Commonly Encountered Pennsylvania Spiders” from Penn State Extension. Good photos, life history/behaviors, info about the true range of some of the more dangerous species — and best of all, it’s free as a pdf online! Some info about false black widows in there as well.

        1. ThursdaysGeek*

          I’m on the opposite side of the country from Pennsylvania, but thank you! That looks very interesting (and more accurate than a lot of guides that mention just black widows and brown recluses when talking about venomous spiders). I added the other book to my wishlist.

    1. ContentWrangler*

      Got any crucial mistakes to avoid that people make when setting up a WordPress site? I’ve seen really great ones and then ones that look like they’re from the dawn of the internet.

      1. Dee*

        If you pick a good, supported theme, it’s hard to screw up. I will admit I’ve never paid for a theme, but there are plenty to choose from that are free. I’d look at reviews and see how responsive the developers are if you end up needing help.

        If you need images designed, I wouldn’t skimp on those. There are tools all over the web for doing something like that, but if you don’t already have the knowledge, you’ll either need to put plenty of your own time into it, or pay someone.

        If you do want to tweak your theme, don’t be afraid to play with it. Just set up an unpublished space and test, test, test. Get other people to check it on other browsers and mobile.

  95. Like Feathers*

    I’ve got semi-recent experience in volunteering at a food bank, and a drugs and sexual health advice charity (UK). Not sure how much use this will be to people here.

    I would love any tips on weekly meal planning, getting into morning routines, and spending long periods of time off work sick without turning into a potato.

      1. Like Feathers*

        Probably both, but meal planning and using food before it goes off is more of a priority.

        1. yo*

          So I do meal prep mostly but for meal planning, what I recommend the most is making things where you can double up ingredients. Like, for instance, if you make a recipe that calls for half a head of broccoli, make something later that week that uses the other half. Also, if you regularly have left overs (and can tolerate them!) have them for lunch or dinner the next day, so that you go through it faster and don’t have to make quite as much.

        2. NYC Redhead*

          I plan my week by doing the following:
          – how many nights am I cooking for the week?
          – I assume one or two of the nights I will be too tired to cook, so I plan for a few less
          – I keep a binder of recipes that I like or that look good so I will pick one or two to make. I try to pair up recipes that use similar perishable ingredients. As mentioned below, so the broccoli I don’t use one night will be used the next.
          – I make a shopping list (I only go once a week) of the ingredients needed for the recipes. I also go through the sales circular and add things on sale. I group the items in the order my store is organized (produce, bath, dry goods, meats, frozen dairy).
          – For the other nights, I keep supplies of easy to make things: frozen chicken breasts, pasta, and tofu. I keep spaghetti sauce and a selection of other sauces (satay, teriyaki, marinades that I buy on sale) in the pantry. I buy the chicken breasts on sale, trim off the fat, and put them on baking sheets. About half an hour, I will put them in a ziploc so they are frozen separately. If I need to defrost the, I put them in a smaller ziploc in hot water and they defrost in about 15 minutes.

  96. MadAnon*

    I am a quantitative developer for a high frequency trading firm. Ask me anything about financial markets, trading, statistics or python.

    1. CynicallySweet7*

      How does the stock market work? Like in an overview way. It’s really embarrassing because of where I work, but I do not understand it and every time I try and figure it out myself everything is really complicated and I end up getting confused

      1. MadAnon*

        It’s exceptionally complicated! The clearest way to look at it also depends a lot on what aspect you’re trying to understand. Companies that want to trade publicly vs traders vs regulators will all have a different perspective on the mechanisms going on and what’s important.
        The stock market is really a collection of stock exchanges, which are each individual, for-profit companies that compete for orders. On each exchange, there is a list of acceptable tickers that can trade there. If you just want to buy shares in US company like Facebook, that’s represented by the ticker FB, but anything can have a ticker . (The process of getting a ticker for your company/derivative/ponzi scheme is regulated by the SEC and each exchange.)
        Once you’re down to the level of a ticker, everything is decided pretty similarly to an old-timey auction where people shout out the price they’d buy something and the price they’d sell something. If I think Facebook is “worth” $10 and I want to buy it. I would send a buy order to an exchange for $10. The exchange then displays that price. If my friend wants to sell Facebook, and thinks it’s worth $10.01, then the exchange would display a buyer for $10 and a seller for $10.01. If a third party wants to buy at $10.01, the exchange would transfer my friends shares to the third person, give my friend $10.01, and take $10.01 from the third person. So all each stock exchange does is act as a third party that aggregates information about who wants to buy and sell what at each price, then moves the money around.
        If more people want to buy than sell in a day, the price will go up. If more people want to sell than buy, the price will go down.
        When people talk about the stock market moving, they’re usually talking about indexes. So,
        I can buy a product (SPY) that trades at the average price of a large list of products, or I can sell it. If more people are selling SPY on the day than buying, the “market” will go down. But the direction is 100% determined by the prices people are willing to buy or sell in any ticker at any time.
        I don’t know if that was clear, so please follow up if you want!

        1. CynicallySweet7*

          That was quite possibly the clearest explanation I’ve come across (and made some other things I’ve read make more sense). So my follow-up is how do you make money on the market other than buying and selling (a couple people were talking about how they lost a bunch of $ in a day, but I don’ t think they sold anything)

          1. MadAnon*

            In order to make or lose money you have to have bought/sold at some point. People generally will say they’ve made money if the thing they bought has gone up in value since they bought it or since they last checked.
            To continue the example, let’s say I bought 1 share of Facebook at $10 on January 2. On January 3, the last trade of the day is at $11, so most people would report that as making a $1. On January 5, the last trade of the day is at $10, so my position has the same value as when I bought it, but I’ve lost $1 since 1/3. I’ve only made and lost money on paper, since I’d need to actually sell my share of Facebook to have that cash in my account. People and companies will usually report the change in price in a way that is favorable to them either from a bragging perspective (look at how smart I am at trading) or from a tax perspective (look at this large loss I want to write off!), but they don’t have the cash without making a transaction. It’s like if I buy tickets to a baseball game for $50, see that they’re now $75 on stubhub, but don’t sell them, I’m not actually $25 richer. Conversely, if they are $25 on stubhub, I’m not $25 poorer, I just bought them at a relatively disadvantageous time.

    2. Brett*

      What do you prefer for transport mechanisms to reduce latency?
      I’ve heard opinions all over the place and rarely seen consensus, so I am curious how you tackle that (especially working in python).

      1. MadAnon*

        Latency at which point of the process? I work on the statistical and algorithmic piece of trading strategies so latency in that part is very different than latency in sending orders or latency in processing market data.

        1. Brett*

          Ah, so you are more on the “make the decision in advance” end than the “make decision on incoming data” end?

          1. MadAnon*

            Yes, if I understand you properly, I write the statistical models rather than process the incoming market data. The models that i build are used real time as data is coming in, so I care a lot about latency that’s added by algorithmic complexity. I can speak to latency in other parts of the process, but the answer broadly, that’s not in python.

    3. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      So how many people do you run into who hear what you do and immediately want to ask about bitcoin? :P I’ve been thinking about making a pin that says “DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT CRYPTO” because I’m so over it.

      1. MadAnon*

        Not that many, luckily (it helps that I don’t live in CA and also I present as extremely anti tech bro, so most people who would talk to me about bitcoin just don’t talk to me at all). Those who do rarely want to talk with me about exchange microstructure, for some reason ;)

  97. KP1022*

    I am currently considering a career move. I am in communications – degree in journalism – and am thinking about applying for a job as a Major Gifts Officer. The posting says that the selected candidate will be training under MGOs with 20+ years of experience, so my inexperience in a position that focuses solely on fundraising doesn’t seem like it’d be a major hurdle for me. I have some experience in fundraising, but that’s not my job at the moment. I guess I’m curious as to what the day-to-day looks like for an MGO? Or any advice or tips? Personality traits that make for a good MGO?

    1. Nonprofit Fundraising/Development*

      I think communications would be a great field to transition into major gifts. In this role, you’ll be prospecting donors capable of giving a major gift (which could be anything from $500-thousands depending on the org/institution). You need to be comfortable communicating why the donor should invest, cultivating a relationship with frequent updates and insider info to make the donor feel important and invested, soliciting their feedback, growing your network through them, etc. You need to be OK asking for money. For me, I think of it as I’m not asking for money for me, but for investment in the mission of the nonprofit. Its selling a mission and the feel good emotions that come with supporting that mission instead of selling widgets. Day to day can really vary depending on if you’re at a nonprofit or a university.

      Questions to ask in an interview…will you be managing an existing portfolio of donors or will you be responsible for building up a nascent program? What kind of training will you receive, mentorship, will Board members/Executive Director/clients/anyone else go with you on donor visits?

    2. SophieChotek*

      Watching this. I also work in communications but would be interested in fundraising/major gifts.

    3. anon for this*

      A really big part of Major Gifts (and most development/advancement offices in general) is relationships. Some people/depts. get touchier than others about being called fundraisers so keep that in the back of your head.
      Expect to spend a lot of time keeping track of your contact with someone, when you last talked to them what it was about, whether there were next steps.
      You’ll ask for money but they know that you’re going to ask them and that tends to simplify it. Being able to engage with a lot of personality types is a plus – you don’t need to be extroverted, but you do need to be able to talk to anyone about anything.

    4. JuniperGreen*

      My role is similar to that of an MGO, and I came to it with very little fundraising experience. I have a background in English lit, and did a lot of marketing and consumer research before this switch, which as others have mentioned, serve very well in a prospecting and donor research capacity.

      No day is the same, but here’s a sampling of what your work load could be like…now of course this all depends on your organization but this is just one flavor of fundraising:
      Lunches and coffees galore (sometimes that can be fun to be running around and not cooped in an office, but if you’re rarely at your desk during the day you might end up staying late frequently to catch up). Showing up at TONS of events – your own org’s events definitely but also other related community events to get to know your constituency and meet them in their own environments. So much small talk (cultivation and stewardship on paper sound like a lot of Very Meaningful Conversations but often you’re just shooting the breeze with someone to get to know them!). Lots of writing: SO MANY emails with varying degrees of formality and urgency, invitations, speeches, agendas, proposals, pitch documents, thank you letters, tax acknowledgement letters, funding reports etc. Lots of cross-departmental meetings (hopefully! I think this is key and you should ask about inter-departmental relations in an interview!) so that you can identify fundraising opportunities accordingly.

      As for advice/skills/personality traits: You need thick skin. Even if you’re doing your job well, you’ll still hear “no” with some frequency. And if you’re interacting with lots of donors, you’ll have people suggesting ways to run your programs (to which you always have to respond constructively, no matter how absurd the suggestion). You will have to understand your organization’s budget and spending, so even if you don’t have accounting/finance in your background you’ll have to get familiar with your org’s financial reporting.

      Also – you not only have to have passion for your org/mission, but also your entire community. Your donor base is probably a mix of government, business, and private, so you’ll end up paying attention to and invested in things as varied as a school board election, the latest restaurant openings, business mergers, and even home sales… all in an effort to stay connected.

  98. Aurora Leigh*

    Tips for adult reading comprehension practice?

    My boyfriend just tested for a state job and is beating himself up because his reading comprehension score was pretty low and pulled his grade down.

    1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      Stop often and rehash! At the end of each paragraph is good if you’re working with something that has sane paragraph breaks, otherwise maybe 2-3 times per page depending on the denseness of the material. At each stop, just pause and say — aloud, if need be — “Okay, what was this paragraph about? What are they saying here?” This got me through a lot of really dense theologians in college.

    2. SAT/ACT Tutor*

      There are a few different strategies for reading comprehension. Usually it’s tested with a passage followed by questions about the passage. Is the test he’s taking timed? If so, make sure he knows and feels comfortable with the timing (and practices with timing himself).

      Reading for tests is NOT like reading books for fun. You really have to view it as a task. There are a few different approaches and he’ll want to try different ones to see what works best for his brain.
      – Some people prefer to start with the questions (so you know what info you need from the passage). If he does this, be sure not to look at answer choices until after reading the passage
      – Some people like to start with the passage. If he does this, make sure to underline and really engage with the material. Reading without doing any underlining or taking notes in the margins tends to be like listening to an a monotone professor without taking notes. Goes in one ear and out the other. By making some notes or circling important ideas, it’ll help him remember.
      – Once he commits to an answer, don’t change it unless he finds something in the passage that proves it wrong. He’s more likely to get it right the first time (even if it’s an educated guess) than by waffling back and forth and changing a lot of answers.

      Also, tell him not to beat himself up about it. Reading comprehension tests are weird and absurdly hard sometimes. Let me know if you have other questions!

  99. poopemoji*

    I am a total beauty junkie – hair and makeup. I’m really good and giving recommendations to people based on issues they’re having. I am the office “make-up advice” lady. Ask away!

    1. CynicallySweet7*

      Ohh this is actually for my mom. She has a lot of problems blending her foundation. Largely because she doesn’t have great light, doesn’t want to spend a bunch of time on her makeup and doesn’t want to pay a bunch of money at Sephora for a new foundation (but she really likes the way it looks when it works right). Any suggestions for a brand that blends really effortlessly?

      1. poopemoji*

        Are you looking for an inexpensive foundation brand or an inexpensive brush/blender?

        For foundations that blend really well in the drugstore range: L’Oreal True Match (great color selection, too) and Maybelline Fit Me. I know she doesn’t want anything expensive from Sephora but just in case – Bobbi Brown Skin Foundation is fabulous.

        For blending that’s pretty much idiot-proof I would highly recommend the BeautyBlender. The price on it is $20.00, but you can find cheaper alternatives at Ulta in the $10.00 range. I actually have the $20.00 BB and I think they all work the same. The best ones are the L’Oreal Infallible Blend Artiste (it’s purple) and the Real Techniques one (it’s orange).

      2. poopemoji*

        Weird. I thought this comment went through!

        Foundations: L’Oreal True Match or Maybelline Fit Me are affordable and really easy to blend. In case she wants to go higher-end, I would recommend Bobbi Brown Skin. It’s fabulous.

        Blenders: Beauty Blenders are really idiot proof! She doesn’t need the original $25.00 one. Drugstore ones at Ulta work just fine. I would recommend the Loreal Blend Artist (It’s purple) or the Real Techniques one (Orange) they’re both around $10.00

    2. Wannabe Disney Princess*

      Eye shape.

      I cannot figure mine out and cannot do eye shadow because of it. My crease and brow bone are practically one in the same. I have eyelid space….just no brow bone space. Tips? Tricks? Youtube gurus?

      1. poopemoji*

        It sounds like you have hooded eyes. Do your eyes look similar to Blake Lively or Jennifer Lawrence by chance?

          1. poopemoji*

            Oh, what a beautiful shape. Definitely no winged liner. I would tightline with a dark shade in the top lash line and top with lots of mascara.

            Then take a thin brush and some mid-toned powder and line the bottom part of your lashline for extra definition.

    3. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      I’ve got that kind of eye structure where my eyelids are 100% invisible while my eyes are open. No transition between whatever eyeliner I’ve put on and the under-brow area (and very often, I get my eyeliner transferring itself there too, a good couple mm above the deepest point of the crease).

      What are some good strategies for making the best of that? It seems like there are a lot of eye styles that are simply not all that great when you can’t actually see the lid.

      1. poopemoji*

        Yes, I have this eye shape too. It’s a hooded shape. I’ve learned a lot of “do’s” and “don’ts” with this eye shape.

        Don’t:
        – Wear thick winged eyeliner. You will take up all of the lid space you have and it will look kinda funny.
        – Wear shimmers in your crease. The light will reflect and make it look larger. The key is to contour your eye to “fake” a crease.

        Do:
        – Tightline your eyes! This was a total game-change for me. It freed up a lot of lid space for me and added some definition without swallowing my eye shape up.
        – Contour your eyes and “fake” a crease. Use matte colors for this. It’s going to feel weird at first, but apply the medium “contour” color right ABOVE the eye socket, not IN the eye socket like most people do. It will give the illusion of a crease where there is not one.
        – Use nude liner in your waterline to open your eyes up and make them appear larger.

        1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          I’ve always been unsure about calling it a hooded eye, because it seems like half the time people use it to mean an eye that’s permanently half-closed even when comfortably open.

      2. NoGhosting*

        I 100% have hooded eyes as well, and as a make-up expert myself some of the more glam eye looks are hard to do. What helps me most with eye shadow is doing it with your eye resting like it normally would when you are looking at something, don’t go based off of what your eye looks like when it is closed. Also Alissa Ashley on YouTube has great hooded eye makeup looks and she also has one on how to do your eye liner for hooded eyes as well!

      3. Rusty Shackelford*

        I’ve got hooded eyes too, and I used to get that eyeliner transfer. I switched to different brands of eyeliner (Bobbi Brown long wearing gel, or Urban Decay 24/7 pencil) and no longer have that problem.

    4. SeaChelle*

      How can I make it so that my eyeliner doesn’t smudge and end up in my crease after 3 hours? Is there a brand of eyeliner that really stays put, or should I be using something like a primer?!

      To be fair I’m using shadow (smashbox) right now which is probably part of the problem, but I’ve had this problem even when using pencils.

      1. poopemoji*

        I have oily lids and a hooded shape, so I am an expert on this. LOL. So – both, you need a good eyeliner and a good primer (always).

        Primer: Urban Decay Primer Potion (around $25). For a cheaper version that is seriously just as good, use Wet N Wild’s PhotoFocus Primer ($3).

        Liner: I haven’t found a drugstore liner that stays put, so sorry on that one. I am in love with NARS Larger Than Life liners. Yes, they are pricey. They are creamy, blendable, and STAY PUT until I take them off.

        2. caligirl*

          Hi! The only drugstore eyeliner that works for me is Milani Infinite liquid eyeliner.

          The only color now is called “everlast” aka, black. It’s matte, stays the same color all day, NEVER smudges and only comes off with makeup remover. It used to come in a lot of colors (brown, purple, several shades of blue) but they sadly discontinued them – don’t buy them from ebay they are all dried out.

          (Milani is also cruelty free if that is important to you.)

          Good luck and I’m loving this thread :-)

      2. cat socks*

        I like Milani Shadow Primer. I found it to be a good dupe of Too Faced Shadow Insurance.

    5. Salamander*

      Yay! Do you have suggestions for the fortysomething crowd? I’m in my early forties and very disappointed that I cannot do cat eyes with a hooded eye (sigh). But I’ve come to terms with it. Any age-appropriate ideas on how I can update my look? Thank you!

      1. poopemoji*

        I would check out Lisa Eldridge’s videos! She is much less on the hype-machine (heavy contour, glam eyes, etc) and more about enhancing features you have. She is very up to date on trends and does a lot of modern looks without being too Instagram-ish.

      2. NoGhosting*

        You can, in fact, do cat eyes with hooded eyes! I have hooded eyes as well and I found the best tutorial was Alissa Ashley on YouTube. She also does other hooded eye related make up. And for your other comment, it all depends on what you are comfortable with and what you are doing already.

        1. Salamander*

          Thanks! I will check her out.

          Since I still have adult acne, I use a foundation with some coverage, mascara, eyebrow pencil, and lipstick every day. I often do blush and eyeshadow. I just don’t want to look like I’m trying to be a teenager, but I do want to look soft polished.

      1. poopemoji*

        Brows, Mascara, BB Cream, Blush, and Gloss on the way to work.
        A layer of powder if you’re oily.

      2. NoGhosting*

        It all depends on what you are comfortable with and what you are trying to “fix” so to speak. My best recommendation for a quick pick me up is a tinted moisturizer, they are thin enough to give slight pigmentation on your skin so you look fresh and its also a moisturizer. A little mascara will go a long way to widen your eyes. And if you feel like the moisturizer took all the color out of your face a little blush can help. Shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes! Hope this helped.

    7. Beatrice*

      How on earth do I do bottom-lid eyeliner? I use liquid eyeliner on my upper lid and I feel relatively competent with that. It doesn’t look right on my bottom lid…I have long, light lashes on the bottom and it’s hard to make a straight, clean line. I can do it okay sometimes with a pencil, but I have oily skin and tend to touch my face a lot and it turns into a smeary mess at the end of the day.

      1. poopemoji*

        This is what I’ve found works for me: put eyeshadow primer at the bottom of your lid, right under the lashes.

        Take a really really thin angled brush and dip it into the shadow of your choice. Lightly tap it on the bottom lash line.

    8. Perse's Mom*

      If this includes skincare, what do you recommend for exfoliation? I have oily skin that’s also somehow flaky. This holds true for both face (particularly forehead and nose) and scalp.

      I don’t use hair products beyond shampoo (I should probably use conditioner way more often than I do, but I don’t know if that contributes to the scalp issues or just split ends). I don’t wear make-up.

      1. poopemoji*

        I am not a skincare expert by any means, but I would try an AHA to start with in the evenings.

      2. hollow exuviae*

        Hi! I’m not OP, but if I were you I’d pay a visit to the Skincare Addiction reddit. What you’re describing sounds like oily + dehydrated skin (dehydrated skin lacks water, not oil, so those 2 things are not mutually exclusive!) Ideally you’ll want to wash your face in a way that cleanses it without disturbing the pH levels, and moisturise with a product containing humectants, emollients and occlusives (broadly speaking, humectants bring water to your skin, emollients make it smooth and soft, and occlusives lock moisture in. More in-depth info is on the skincare reddit!)

        Exfoliation is definitely a good thing, whether chemical or physical, but you should really address the dehydration first before exfoliating. Read up on double cleansing and maintaining your skin’s natural pH levels.

        For scalp, def pick up a conditioner :) And the key thing here is to remember that body chemistry varies wildly from person to person, so if someone says “argan oil conditioners are the absolute best! You need to buy it!” that just means they are great for that person, and may or may not work for you. It’s sadly 100% trial and error.

        Final note: always look at ingredient lists and ignore marketing claims. If something irritates your skin, you’re gonna want to know what it was to avoid it in future; equally, if you find that mineral oil does wonders for your skin, look our for that in products.

        Hope this helps! I had the same skin issue but not anymore, yay. Reddit can bring good things too :D

      3. LDP*

        I have oily skin that’s suddenly turned dry and the best thing has been washing my face with the Julep Konjac sponge! It’s really gentle, so you can use it everyday, but it gets rid of the little flakes. I put the link to the exact one I use in my name. :)

      4. prussianblue*

        I have combination skin that can be really dry in the winter. My esthetician recommended dermologica’s microfoliant – it’s like a little powder that I mix with a few drops of water to use after cleansing and before toning. :)

    9. nuqotw*

      How can I make eye makeup look good with glasses? I have rimless frames. Ideally, I would use just shadow and mascara. Do I “need” eyeliner?

      1. JuniperGreen*

        It’s entirely your preference! I wear glasses with dark dramatic frames and sometimes I do wear eyeliner (sometimes subtle, sometimes dramatic cat eye)… it depends on my mood that day :)

        I don’t think there are any rules for eye makeup with glasses. Two tips, though
        – Don’t neglect your eyebrows.
        – Keep the skin under your eyes well moisturized so any concealer/foundation doesn’t look cakey behind the lenses.

    10. CV*

      Any tips for getting mascara to stay put? I don’t sweat a lot or cry, but I must have oily eyelids or something because I always end up with a little raccoon shading by the end of the day as the mascara on my upper lashes transfers to the skin under my eye.
      I have been using regular mascara, not waterproof.
      Is there a brand, a technique, a type of mascara I should use?

      1. poopemoji*

        Try a tubing mascara! Clinique makes one and there’s a brand called Blinc that makes one.

        I am personally a BIG fan of Bobbi Brown’s Intensifying longwear mascara. I have the same problem.

        1. Reba*

          Strongly recommend tube mascara! Blinc is the best one but a little $$$. The Clinique ones are the High Impact Waterproof (I use this one) and High Impact Curling.

        2. CV*

          I have never heard of such a thing! Sephora and MAC are “across the street” from each other at my local mall. I will pop in for a visit this weekend.
          Thank you!

        3. kristin*

          If you’re looking for a drug store option for a tubing mascara to see if you like it the L’Oreal Double Extend is pretty good (if you don’t like dramatic lashes, I use it for work)

      2. kristin*

        The other option is something like the Heroine Make Long & Curl Mascara (Japanese brand but available on Amazon) which stays and stays.

    11. Damn it, Hardison!*

      Any recommendations for foundation/finishing powder for mature /dry-ish skin? As I get older and apparently went straight from oily skin to dry skin, I feel like my foundation and powder make me look older and kind of just sit on top of my skin, especially the powder.

      I will be re-reading this thread in the bathroom this weekend as I practice on my hooded eyes. I’ve been doing it wrong all these years……

      1. kristin*

        For pricier stuff, the nicest I have ever tried is Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk. It looks like skin, goes on smoothly and doesn’t settle into wrinkles. For something cheaper, try a BB cream. I like the Bare Minerals one.

        For finishing powder, Hourglass makes these Ambient Lighting powders that some people swear by.

    12. RPL*

      I’m pale af (cool undertones) with oily, sensitive skin and struggle to find a brand of foundation that works with my skin type and color. L’Oreal True Match’s lightest shade is the perfect color, but something about the formula makes my skin twice as oily and the color just won’t stay (no matter now much primer or setting spray I use, it’s pretty much gone in under two hours). I LOVE Estee Lauder’s Double Wear, but the lightest shade is about two shades too dark. Fenty’s lightest shade is close, but it emphasizes the tiny wrinkles under my eyes.

      Any recommendations?

      1. poopemoji*

        I am pretty fair but more on the olive side. Very sensitive, too.

        Anyway, have you tried CoverFX Power Play? The shade range is fabulous – I’m sure you can find something. It’s very good for sensitive skin.

    13. Reba*

      Can you talk to me about the new (ish) fluid foundations — the runny ones that come in squeezy bottles or annoying droppers?

      I think this is a kind of formula I’d like, but I hesitate to drop $50 on a makeup experiment. (Hence why I have used the same tinted moisturizer for 6 years). Any recommendations?

      1. kristin*

        Ask for samples! Either at a counter or Sephora. Just ask to get matched to a fomrula you are interested in then ask for a sample. They should give your enough to try something out for a few days. (Also, I personally can’t use dropper foundations, too much mess.)

      2. Snargulfuss*

        The Ordinary has a serum foundation that is WAY cheaper ($6.70). I’ve been using it for a few months and like it.

    14. ADB_BWG*

      In my own post below but repeating here:

      Seeking advice: Make up gurus! I have bags (swelling) with pale skin and then the deep blue grooves underneath. I’m fair with pink undertones and everything I try still leaves the blue grooves. I’ve tried following make up videos and all sorts of products short of marching to a make up counter (and which one to try?). Suggestions for products / techniques / videos? (age 54, post-menopause, slightly overweight – but always had these bags)

    15. blonde AF*

      Any recommendations for makeup (especially eye makeup) for blondes with super pale skin? I always see mascara recommended for quick looks, but I can’t seem to apply mascara without it looking like I have spider legs on my eyelids. I’ve tried brown mascara and like that better, but I still feel like it looks very “done”. Also, how do you learn how to do eyeliner? I can’t seem to line my eyes on the bottom without it looking very goth-phase-in-middle-school. Thanks for any help!

      1. kristin*

        I am also a pale blonde! The first thing is to figure out your undertones (the default test, which is not without flaws, is to, in natural light, look at the veins of your wrist. Are they more greenish or more blue/purple? The former is warm, the latter cool). That’ll help with which colors are more flattering on your skin.

        For colors, just be aware everything will look a bit more dramatic due to contrast. Stick with paler shades in matte eyeshadows if you don’t want it to look overdone. If you’re cool-toned, something like MAC Omega applied in the crease will look great, or if warm, Anastasia Beverly Hills Soft Peach.

        For a mascara that might work for you, try the Benefit They’re Real primer! You can get a trial size to try out. It is very easy and subtle. A technique is to wiggle your brush as you apply it, it’ll help with the clumping. You can also run a clean spoolie (the brushes that look like a mascara wand) through them after applying mascara to take away the excess.

        1. blonde AF*

          Thank you! My veins look blue so I think that makes my undertones cool.

          For the mascara, is it just a primer? Do I put anything over it? Thank you for the suggestion!! I learned how to do makeup for my wedding last year (I did my own) but I haven’t really figured out an everyday (or more likely, weekly) makeup look. So I basically only know how to do Wedding Face haha. It still feels like a revelation to be able to give myself visible eyebrows whenever I want.

          1. kristin*

            It is technically a primer, but I would just wear it alone! Oh man, eyebrows make such a difference! Good for you on doing your own wedding makeup. I’m doing my first wedding (doing the wedding parties makeup) for a friend’s wedding this summer and I’m already fretting).

            1. blonde AF*

              The people at Sephora were so helpful for me – basically lots of waterproof and long-lasting stuff, and not much SPF since apparently that can show up weirdly with flash. Good luck doing makeup for a wedding!!

    16. blonde AF*

      Oh, another question – how on earth do you curl your eyelashes and get them to stay curled?? I actually have pretty long lashes, but they stick straight out.

    17. whingedrinking*

      I have what’s sometimes called black Irish colouring – extremely fair skin, dark hair and blue-green eyes. The only makeup I really know how to do for myself is goth/punk style where it’s fine if everything is dark and moody and overdone. How do I choose colours for myself that don’t make me look like a clown or a raccoon?

      1. amy*

        This is my coloring as well – you’re likely cool-toned (although you can confirm that based on all the tests you can find on google). In that case, I’d suggest eyeshadow like grays, taupes, mauves, soft purples, etc. I won’t bother trying to describe an eye look via text, but I can recommend Lisa Eldridge, Sharon Farrell, and Karima McKimmie on YouTube. They all are very talented and have many tutorials that are work-appropriate/toned-down in style.

    18. ..Kat..*

      So, I have no eyelashes and not much in the way of eyebrows due to a childhood illness. Any tips on makeup?

  100. LizB*

    Man, all my things are so weirdly specific. I’m good at teaching English-speaking kids to read (decode, really) in Hebrew, I know a lot about Positive Behavior Interventions & Supports in schools, I know quite a bit about how to read and understand an IEP, I love rolling up new characters in D&D 5e and creating backstories for them. If any of those are useful or interesting to people, AMA!

    1. ContentWrangler*

      Yes, I was going to offer anyone advice on setting up a tabletop campaign too! That or getting started in LARP. Basically all my hobbies are the activities of nerds in 80s movies.

    2. Avyncentia*

      Oh my gosh, I just started playing D&D and making characters is my FAVORITE THING.

      Here’s something I’m struggling with–I’m having a lot of trouble squaring having a good alignment with being someone who will kill and harm other creatures, especially in a more hack-and-slash-style adventure. My characters all end up as neutral even when the handbook says that they would normally be good. Any tips for how to craft a backstory or personality for a good character?

          1. Ktelzbeth*

            I know how to do an online campaign in real time, but not by correspondence. I know there are published adventures that would take much of the thinking out of DMing, depending on the system and setting one wants to use. It could maybe work. I think I’ll move this over to the free for all when it appears today.

      2. ContentWrangler*

        Have you tried Chaotic Good? That tends to be my go-to because I usually play a criminal with a deep-down good heart. Though they break laws/rules, they aren’t bad, they just have their own moral code. Like a Chaotic Good character would see a man harassing the server in the tavern and steal his gold, leave the server a nice tip, and keep some of the money for themselves. My CG characters are fine with killing in self defense and attacking the bad guys/creatures who are harming other people, particularly if there was treasure involved.

        And depending on how you’re forming your world, Lawful Good characters could be down for violence in the name of upholding the law. Like that world has very rigid laws (punishable by death) and the LG character is like a knight sworn to uphold the orders of the king. If the king says people need to be killed for the good of the kingdom, the LG knight could do that in character.

        1. Avyncentia*

          Those are some interesting ideas! I hadn’t though about it quite like that. Thanks ContentWrangler!

    3. Rookie Manager*

      My choir are rehearsing a couple if works in Hebrew. At last count I’d aung in 7 languages but this one is beating me. Any easy tips on reading and pronunciation?

      1. LizB*

        (I don’t know if you’ll come back and read this, but here goes!)

        First, there are at least two consonant sounds in Hebrew that are super tricky for English speakers: the back-of-the-throat ch sound and the tz/ts sound.
        – For the ch (which may be represented in your score by ch, kh, or h with a little dot under it), you want the sound at the end of Bach, the composer, or how you might say “blech” if you stepped in something gross. If you really can’t do it, use a normal H sound, never a ch-as-in-chair.
        – For the tz/ts sound, think of the words pizza or pretzel — it’s the sound in the middle of those words. Also the sound at the end of the word cats. The sound exists in English, it’s just not represented by a single letter for us the way it is in Hebrew.

        Second, you’ll have to work with your conductor on vowels. Some things to remember:
        – Technically if there’s an apostrophe in a word (v’shamru, l’takein) the vowel sound it represents is a schwa, a very short unstressed vowel sound. Some conductors want you to go more towards ih, some want more eh or uh.
        – Hebrew doesn’t combine adjacent like vowel sounds — so laasok is la-a-sok, three syllables. You may see it written la-asok or la’asok to help.

        You’ll also have to work with your conductor on R sounds. Israeli style would be to pronounce them at the back of your throat like you do in French, American style would be to just use American Rs, and some conductors want you to roll or flip them (which is not how anyone pronounces them when speaking, but oh well).

        For emphasis/stress, Hebrew words are usually stressed on either the last or penultimate syllable.

        I hope some of this helps! If there are specific words or phrases you’re struggling with I can try and help you out. Hebrew is also a super difficult language for some people in my community choir, so you’re for sure not alone.

  101. Emilia Bedelia*

    I am very good at meal planning/meal prepping (especially vegan/veg/healthy food) – I love cooking, and I’m also an obsessive planner/organizer, so this is basically my dream hobby.

      1. sparty*

        When in doubt, throw a couple pounds of chicken in a slow cooker with chicken broth and spices (your call on what you include) and a diced onion on low all day. Once you get home, pull the chicken out and put into a bowl and rest 5 minutes, then use your standard hand mixer and you will have shredded chicken in 5 seconds. Add a little bit of the cooking juices to re-hydrate. You can then use it in any number of meals: heat it up with some taco seasoning for chicken tacos, make chicken salad sandwiches, use it for chicken pot pie (or chicken stew and biscuits), the choices are endless.

    2. NotThatGardner*

      YES! im a vegetarian who likes to prep lunches for the week, but i find that by wednesday im either sick of what i made or just completely bored. any suggestions for things that arent too hard/time consuming to prep, but wont make me want to cry at the thought of lunchtime?

      1. Nea*

        Nuke an Omlette is fast, doesn’t require a lot of advanced prep, and is infinitely adaptable.

        Scramble: a splash of milk (to keep it from sticking, or oil the dish), 2 eggs and Whatever You Want in the eggs. (personal veg favorites are spinach/mushroom/goat cheese and corn/cheddar/rosemary). Shove in microwave uncovered, zap for a minute, stir, zap half minute, repeat last two instructions until you like how hard the eggs are done. If you use a 2-cup circular pyrex bowl (the kind with a red lid) it will exactly fit in a sandwich.

        Or you can use a low flat plate, which will require more stirring to get the eggs done all the way but can be rolled up like a real omlette with the fixings in the middle.

        Change the filling and the side (salad w/different dressings or different fruit) and it’s the same thing, really, but doesn’t taste the same at all.

        1. NotThatGardner*

          this is a great idea! thank you, especially for the specifics on pyrex – huge help! i love eggs!

          1. JuniperGreen*

            I also make a big frittata on Sundays and eat it for breakfasts or lunches during the week – it’s stupid easy: a dozen eggs in a bowl with a few generous glugs of whole milk and a giant handful of shredded cheese. If I’m feeling fancy I’ll also put some ricotta in there. Generously salt and bake in a glass baking pan at around 375 for about 45 min or until the middle is set. Six generous portions – and really easy to customize (endless cheese possibilities, sausage, greens, roasted veggies, etc).

            At the same time I’m making the frittata, I also roast whole sweet potatoes. I scrub them, leave the skin on, stab them a bunch, and put them on a parchment paper or foil-lined tray (this step makes cleanup a breeze). I turn them half way through and pull them out after about 40 min to an hour (depending on their size and how soft you like them).

            So at this point I’m less than an hour of effort in and I have a bunch of lovely roast sweet potatoes and a giant frittata, both of which are fine to eat cold in a pinch, and both of which are quite versatile. Each day I generally have the frittata and a slice of toast for breakfast, and then eat the sweet potato with a salad or soup for lunch. I also really like a sweet potato with curry (a simple stir fry with coconut milk and curry paste) instead of rice.

      2. Emilia Bedelia*

        I had a big comment of my favorite tips, but I think it got eaten!
        If you get bored easily, prep meal components, not meals – instead of making 4 servings of black bean enchiladas, for example, cook some black beans, saute some veggies, and cut up lettuce for a salad. Then you have the components for a burrito or burrito bowl, a salad (topped with beans and veggies and salsa),black bean soup, a smaller portion of enchiladas.
        My hands down favorite thing to prep is roasted veggies. Olive oil, salt and pepper, garlic, roast at 400. You can use these on pasta, over rice, in a burrito, in a salad, in a sandwich….
        Go crazy on sauces/condiments – even veggies + tofu(or an egg, or chicken) are exciting and delicious when you have 7 different kinds of sauce that you can put on top.

        1. NotThatGardner*

          this is such a great comment – something i hadn’t thought of but would totally get me out of the slump. thank you!

    3. CynicallySweet7*

      Help me!! For the love of god! I live in the 3rd most expensive city in the US and I am terrible at this!!!!!!!!!!! SHARE ALL WISDOME

      2. Nea*

        Is Hungry Harvest in your area? (hungryharvest[dot]net)? I ask because I’ve been using them to significantly up the amount of fruit and veg I eat. They have a rotating selection of fresh, local produce at good prices and lots of recipes on their facebook page.

      3. Emilia Bedelia*

        Tips for saving money on food: Always compare prices at different stores and keep a mental list of what a good deal is. Free free to experiment with swapping out veggies/meats for cheaper options if something is on sale (eg, if you’re making a recipe with broccoli, but asparagus is on sale for cheaper, try out the asparagus instead). Buy the big package if it’s a nonperishable or can be frozen. Never buy individually packaged anything- invest in a set of reusable containers and spend a few minutes portioning things out.

        If you’re looking to save money, accept that you will either be spending a lot of time prepping, or won’t have a lot of variety. This is one of those “cheap, quick, good- pick 2” kinds of things.

        1. Grad Student*

          Also, if you can make a lot of something at once and then freeze some, that can help with the variety! (e.g., instead of eating soup from the same giant pot twice a day every day for a week, eat it a few times this week, and a few more times a couple weeks later, and a few more times a month after that.)

    4. Salamander*

      How do you set up a shopping list with recipes? I keep intending on doing this, but I never do it. Do you use a spreadsheet with ingredients, or…? Thanks a million!

      1. Emilia Bedelia*

        I do it the other way around – I buy what’s on sale/what looks good, and build a menu around that, unless I’m really craving something specific or have a recipe in mind. Most of the time, I’m not shopping for a specific meal.
        If you can, build up your pantry so that you always have staples on hand and don’t need to start from scratch on every recipe. I always buy the big/family size packages of nonperishables (even though I’m single and live by myself), because they will always get used.

    5. Emilia Bedelia*

      My other comment got eaten, I think, but here’s some of my best tips:
      Use your freezer! Make multiple portions of freezer friendly food and freeze in individual portions. Make sure to label things well too (unless you like surprises)… all soup looks the same in a freezer container.
      Pre-cook things as neutrally as possible. Salt, pepper, and garlic is basically universal. Try to think versatile when you’re buying and prepping
      Use fresh accents to perk up leftovers (ie, put fresh herbs on top of soup or pasta. add a squeeze of lime, jalapenos, and scallions to rice and beans).
      I really like Sistema compartmented plastic lunch containers to pack salads to keep all the components separate until you put them together.
      Remember to treat yourself to things that you think are exciting or interesting! It’s easy to get stuck in a rut of black beans and rice and pasta with tomato sauce. If you see a vegetable that you think looks cool or a salad dressing that you want to try, pick it up!

      My mantra is: Do twice as much now so you can do half as much later.
      A usual Sunday afternoon for me looks something like this:
      Cook beans
      Wash, peel/trim, and chop vegetables – eg, carrot/celery sticks and cucumber slices for dips, broccoli/cauli florets, sliced peppers and onions, a giant bushel of salad, shredded cabbage for slaw
      Cook a complete dish (soup, curry, sauce, etc) – usually with whatever stuff is leftover from last week that needs to be prepared
      Roast some veggies and/or tofu/protein

      Once everything is done, I portion it out for the rest of the week into lunch portions. I also portion out breakfast/snacks too (ie, bags of cereal/granola and small Mason jars of almond milk, little containers of peanut butter or nuts, washing/cutting up/bagging fruits if necessary)

    6. Thlayli*

      I want to stop eating so much meat, and giving so much meat to my kids. But I don’t know how to figure out portion sizes to make sure we’re getting the right amount of protein and iron and other stuff we get from meat. For example I give my kids red meat three times a week, to make sure they get enough iron. This is the amount the nurse told me to give when I was weaning them. I really want to get that down to twice a week max, but I don’t have a clue what to substitute. For example instead of mince bolognese should I make lentil bolognese. Are lentils the same amount of iron and protein as mince, pound for pound? Or should I use double the weight of lentils as I would of mince? What about a ham sandwich? What sort of veggie sandwich filling has as much protein as a Slice of ham?

      Are there any good websites out there to help with the transition from meat to veggie – whenever I search for veggie foods I seem to just find recipes for ethnic cuisines full of spices I wouldn’t like or else ridiculously complicated stuff that would take an hour to prep and cook. So I always just end up making the same old stuff I already know how to make

      1. Emilia Bedelia*

        For the most part, if you are eating a well balanced diet, you don’t really need to be concerned about getting enough nutrients. Eat lots of different veggies and fruits, and a variety of beans/legumes/complex carbohydrates, and you should be fine. I take B12 and D3 supplements, because vegans often have trouble getting enough B12, but beyond that, I don’t worry about nutrients.

        It’s impossible for plants to have the same nutritional profile as meats- they are just entirely different types of food. If you’re just looking to reduce the amount of meat you eat, I’d suggest just replacing part of the meat with veggies or beans. For example, if you were making mince bolognese, use half the amount of beef you’d usually use, and replace the rest with shredded veggies (eggplant, zucchini, broccoli, spinach, or cauliflower would all be good!) or cooked lentils. Veggies are much less calorie dense than meat, so you may find that you’re hungrier after eating the same portion size – don’t be surprised to find that you eat a little more.
        Eggs are also a great source of protein to replace meat, if you are okay with eating them. I also love veggie burgers as a quick and easy option.

        Unfortunately, when you try to transition over to a vegetarian diet, you will find that a lot of stuff you used to make (like ham sandwiches) just doesn’t have a good substitute. Instead of focusing on replacing, try to find new favorites that happen to be vegetarian. It’s really hard to transition from a meat eating diet to a vegetarian diet, especially if you are cooking for a family and don’t have a lot of time. Meat is just so easy! Take it slow + easy, and don’t feel discouraged if it takes some time to find your rhythm!

        As for resources, I like One Green Planet, Connoisseurous Veg, Minimalist Baker, The Vegetarian Resource Group. If you use Reddit, r/vegetarian can also be helpful.

  102. library tech supervisor*

    Hi folks,

    I’m an expert in LGBTQ issues and have led several workshops. If you have any questions about LGBTQ issues in the workplace and culture, let me know!

    Also, I will be patient with you so ask /anything/ you’ve wanted to know.

      1. library tech supervisor*

        Queer originally meant strange or odd, but became a slur towards gay men (and other minority sexual identities). This word is still contentious for some people, but it has been somewhat rehabilitated into becoming an umbrella term for everyone in the LGBT community.

        1. soumynona*

          Thanks! I always thought it was a slur but I hear it so often now that I was no longer sure.

          1. No Name Yet*

            To add another 2 cents – like a lot of terms like this, I find that younger LGBT folks (maybe younger than 45-50?) are more likely to use the term for themselves, while LGBT individuals older than 50 (ish) still hear it as a slur. For what it’s worth, my wife and I (both bisexual women in our late 30s) often use it to describe ourselves, especially where our LGBT status is relevant but we don’t want to have a discussion about bisexuality.

            1. she was a fast machine*

              I’m another bisexual woman who often uses queer to avoid The Discussion it would bring up to say bi.

        2. Jadelyn*

          It’s not just “somewhat rehabilitated” – when your reclaimed slur is literally *used in academic contexts*, as in people can get a degree in it (queer studies, queer theory, queer cinema, etc.), that’s well beyond “somewhat rehabilitated”. That’s a reclaimed slur.

          There are many people who use “queer” as their primary or sole sexual orientation term – I’m one of them – and it’s often people who have multiple LGBT+ identities or whose identities are fluid in some way and resist easy classification. For example, an AFAB genderfluid person who’s attracted to women. Sometimes their attraction could be described as lesbian, but other times not – so what term should they use? In those cases, many people choose to use “queer”. Or, people who haven’t quite figured out what they are and all they know is that whatever they are, they’re not straight, might use “queer” as a sort of catch-all backup term while they’re still figuring things out.

          It’s also frequently tied to a resistance mindset and opposition to LGBT assimilationism. So while it is contentions in some spaces, it really goes a bit beyond a “somewhat rehabilitated” slur.

        3. Coastal*

          I would say the slur-to-umbrella term ratio varies by region: some local communities employ queer as an umbrella word (ex. the small Canadian town I grew up in) and some consider it inappropriate as an umbrella word due to ongoing use in homophobic & transphobic violence (ex. the mid-sized Canadian city I live in now).

      2. Thlayli*

        On a related note – can cishet people say queer? I grew up knowing it as a slur, so I don’t think I could say it, but I don’t know if it’s even allowed for cishet people to say it anyway.

        1. Sparkly Librarian*

          Not that I can give permission (we are not a monolith, etc.), but I had this exact conversation today in person, at work. My take: if you’re not using it as a slur, it’s okay to say “queer” when talking about people or groups of people that identify that way. It is less likely to be taken the wrong way if you’re using a phrase like “queer community”, “queer identity”, or “queer family members”. It might sound off — and offensive — to use it as a noun (e.g., a queer I met on the bus) even if queer people might use it that way. If you don’t know whether an individual identifies as “queer”, probably err on the side of not using that word. You can use the adjectives “LGBT” or “LGBTQ” or “same-sex”/”same-gender” (if applicable).

    2. Goya de la Mancha*

      Extended family member was born a male. Growing up, definitely not your stereo-typical little boy so we’ve always thought a coming out of some sorts was in the future. She has dressed extremely feminine (make-up to the 9’s and full women’s clothing) for the last decade or so, she legally changed her name (ex: Angus to Agnes) last year, as far as I know, has not had any surgery/hormones, but has never really “come out” to anyone in the family. Agnes has always had a flair for the dramatic (read: stereo-typical spoiled child), so people are afraid to ask her questions in the family, but is this typical to just sort of “progress slowly” into the open? I mean, technically we’ve never even been told that she prefers feminine pronouns – it was just sort of assumed once she changed her name? For the most part, the family supports/could care less what she decides to do with her life. We just don’t want to overstep bounds, say wrong things, etc.

      1. Any Mouse Wife*

        Have you considered talking to Agnes? This is a pretty simple conversation. “Hi Agnes, this feels a little silly to ask, but my intent is to be respectful towards you. Given the name change, should I use female pronouns for you?”

        Be humble and a little apologetic. Do it low-key when you’re speaking one-on-one, not in front of “The Family” as if it was a big Statement. Then, even if Agnes is pissed at you (… the name change is a BIG HINT here to you, so yeah, I could see Agnes deciding this is a bit silly coming so long after the name change), it’s less likely to be a big scene and more likely to be an uncomfortable moment that blows over quickly .Keep anything judgemental about the choice out of the discussion.

        Think in your head like it’s the conversation you have with a woman who’s newly-married, asking her how to address her correctly – “Is it Mary Maidenname, or Mary Husbandname now?”

    3. Teach*

      I have a student (young – early middle school) who dresses in gender-neutral clothing, uses a gender-neutral variation of their name, and wears a pin that reads “they/them/their.” Upon meeting them, I asked if those were their preferred pronouns and received an affirmative response. Totally cool with that…Three questions – how do I get what feels like an incorrect plural usage to roll off my tongue casually? Tips for conversing with other teachers who use the preferred pronouns TO the student but not about them when they aren’t around? And when I met this student’s parents socially they used the gendered variation of kid’s name and gendered pronouns. I managed to compliment them on raising a fine young person without ever using a pronoun. How would a more socially graceful person handle that?

      1. Liz*

        I move in social circles with a lot of trans and genderfluid people, and there’s a trick we use to get used to new names and pronouns: grab a partner (or a cat, or some other good listener) and talk about that person for ten minutes. Out loud. Not about their gender identity, just … them.

        So, for example, “Okay, I met Dan five years ago at the teapots convention. They were introduced as a big mover and shaker in the ceramic pots field, but they’ve actually moved on to stainless steel models since. After hours, they like red wine and have a lot of opinions about Star Trek…”

        The trick is to get used to the feel of unfamiliar or unusual pronouns, and new names, and to learn to correct yourself quickly when you get it wrong, without making a big deal over it.

        It’s surprisingly effective! I’m terrible with names, so I’ve started using the same trick as more of my friends get married and take their spouse’s surname.

      2. Ethyl*

        Late to the party, but you asked “how do I get what feels like an incorrect plural usage to roll off my tongue casually?”

        The good news is you already know how to use the singular “they”! Imagine this — you’re walking along and you see on the ground a brown leather glove. Not too big, not too small. You’d think to yourself “oh, someone dropped THEIR glove,” right? It’s the same way with using they/them to refer to people who have asked you to refer to them that way. It’s different from using gendered pronouns, but it is something that you already know how to do, you just have to implement it!

  103. CynicallySweet7*

    Data Analyst hear – different kind than some of the others I’ve seen here (been looking for tips). If anyone needs help reading/analyzing financials (think balance sheet, income statements, ect) feel free to ask. Also pretty good at interpreting legalese if anyone needs help there

    1. CynicallySweet7*

      Annd I just realized I used the wrong here….don’t hold it against me, numbers are more my thing

    1. Yolo*

      Did you do the typical timeline or are you non-traditional? If the latter I would love to learn more about your path.

      1. med stud*

        After undergrad I took 2 years off and worked in a doctor’s office. I’m technically non-trad but honestly a lot of medical students are doing this it’s practically trad now. Mine was more flavor of “I’m not really sure if I want to apply to medical school I need to make sure.” I do have a lot of classmates that made career changes though!

    2. anon-obviously*

      My sex drive went to, like, 0 about 8 months ago. I got an IUD but if I’m pretty sure the sex drive went away shortly BEFORE that. I brought it up at my last appointment (asked if it could be from the other meds I’m on), my OBGYN said no and kind of brushed me off, said it was because I was 30-something now and had been with my bf for 4+ years. I’m going to try to get an appointment with someone new, because it was so sudden and extreme I don’t think it’s just an age/relationship thing. It has come back maybe a little bit but it’s still very close to zero. Any ideas/anything i should get checked out/ANY HOPE AT ALL?!?!?! I really want it back!!!!!

      1. med stud*

        Hmmm without knowing more and examining you it’s especially difficult to say! Depending on what meds you’re on it could be a side effect. If you’ve been on the meds for a while though I would be surprised by a new symptom. I would also wonder if there was some other life stressor going on (and depending on that, I would not be surprised if the suggestion of therapy is offered). It would be reasonable to get your thyroid and hormone levels to be checked I think, but I wouldn’t be super hopeful this would be a fix. This is a tough one, I wish I had some better answers for you. Definitely a good idea to see another dr tho, it’s hard because this is not something where there is good evidence, and I think of all the potential problems with sex, this is the one that’s the hardest to resolve. I’m sorry!

    3. I Love JavaScript*

      Are you planning to learn how to do abortions and then offer them in your practice? I hear it’s elective (even for OBGYNs, which seems insane to me) at most universities and so I’m curious about your experience.

      1. med stud*

        Yes, a big part of why I’m doing ob/gyn is because I want to be able to perform abortions. I’m definitely a little wary of telling people this because you never know how people respond and it’s such a polarizing issue. There are some programs that offer little to no training in elective abortions, but every resident will learn how to manage miscarriages and/or fetal demise where the management can be similar. When I interviewed I specifically was looking for places that provided strong training in abortions, but residents are always allowed to “opt out” of learning how to perform elective abortions.

  105. Gina*

    Ooooh what am I good at?
    * Social media marketing is the first thing that comes to mind.
    * I’m also a fledgling travel hacker (just booked a trip to San Juan, PR using points!).
    *My husband and I renovated a 100 year old farmhouse start to finish just a year or two ago, so I have lots of experience on those types of projects (demo, planning, picking out finishes, the ins and outs of the mechanical work, working with a contractor, financing with a bank, etc).

    I may not be an expert at any of these things, but I’d be happy to share what I do know!

    And if anyone on here has been to Puerto Rico (particularly since Maria) and has suggestions, I’d love to hear them!

    1. Rosemary7391*

      How do you get started with social media stuff? I’ve very recently set up a twitter account for a voluntary group and I’m trying to figure out what best to do with it.

      1. Gina*

        I’d say pick a platform (in your case, Twitter) and just focus on that one to begin with. Go through and follow other similar people/groups and even just watch what they do. It’s okay to be a “lurker” for awhile until you get the gist of how it all works. And there’s not really a wrong way to do it! What’s your goal in getting the group on Twitter? Reach new members? Communicate with existing members?

        1. Rosemary7391*

          Both really – we’re a new group, so our membership isn’t large to start with. We’re part of a larger organisation which has a lot of members, so hopefully some of them will read their newsletter and engage with our group that way. I already followed all the subgroups of our organisation I could find – I might see if I can find sister groups in other organisations to follow, thanks for that suggestion :)

          1. Ali G*

            I took some online classes from Hootsuite that were a really great general overview of all the platforms, and also taught you how to use the data analytics to make decisions about how to use your various accounts. If you are new to it all (as I am) these were extremely helpful.

    2. TiaMia*

      What are you tips for increasing engagement? We have 3k+ followers but have really low engagement/viewership.

      1. Gina*

        I’ve found that Facebook groups are the key here. Get people talking, discussing, leading the charge with content. And all around, great content is what will make people engage. Videos are a great way to get seen more (Facebook Live shows up in everyone’s news feed). Just keep trying to post things that you think people will care about. And check your analytics — if you see a trend in the types of posts that people do engage with, do more of them!
        I wish there was an “easy button” for engagement….

    3. BF*

      How did you select/find the contractor? Did your house contractor specialize in old houses? I need to remodel an 80 yr old house and most contractors I’ve spoken with seem to just want to make it all new and modern. Several were appalled I wanted to keep the original windows.

      1. Gina*

        Well, we made the terrible mistake of working with a sort-of family member contractor. He usually did new construction (and worse, not even custom houses). I would definitely recommend continuing to look for contractors that specialize in remodels (or at least have done them before) and of course, ideally, it’d be someone with expertise in working with old houses. But man, is that hard to find!!!

      2. Gina*

        For what it’s worth – we did end up replacing the windows, simply for long-term energy efficiency and such. We were able to repurpose some of the windows for other things in the house, and sold the rest to others who have a love of old stuff. It was expensive to replace windows, of course, but was the right option for us in this instance.

        My parents have an old farmhouse and have remodeled the entire thing themselves, one room at a time, over the past ~20 years. If you’re at all handy, you could consider doing some of the stuff yourself and hire out the stuff you can’t do. Maybe wouldn’t need a contractor at all?? That’s not the route we chose, but it has worked for my parents….

    1. a-no*

      A bottle of wine and Quickbooks : The Guide. Excellent resource for the finicky bits and the wine to calm your nerves while you do it.

      1. Bea*

        LOL, I’m sorry, I meant that I’m an expert in these things. I was thrown a QB manual almost 15 years ago when we converted to it during my first job.

  107. OperaArt*

    I occasionally coach improv for for people without improvisation experience, and can answer questions about that.
    (Day job—software engineer. Side gig—acting.)

    1. Shea*

      I love improv but have always been just a fan, not an improviser. I want to take an improv class, but I’ve got all kinds of anxieties about it! I don’t know if it’s specific to my area, but it seems like serious improvisers often go through multiple training programs, so I’m nervous about taking a level 1 class and a bunch of the other students being experienced improvisers. I know improv classes are supposed to be welcoming, but I’m just so afraid of being completely uncreative and not coming up with *ANYTHING* not to mention actually doing a grad show…! I’ve been out of the improv community for a couple years now and my favorite school has just closed down. Any words of reassurance or recommendations for how to decide where to take my first class? I haven’t really thought about trying a class at an indie improv space, but maybe I should?

      1. Secretary*

        I used to be an improv performer and was in a couple troops. You should absolutely try it! Find a class and ask if they take beginners, because that way you will have other people who don’t have experience.

        Becoming an improv performer doesn’t take a lot of education it really just takes practice. Everything I know about how to perform is from making mistakes. Some things to help:

        -You can’t really look like a fool doing an improv class because, well the whole point is to act like a fool. So everyone is doing it.
        -You’ll be taught some basic rules to follow that will help you stay on track (like how to set a scene up, how to respond to particular types of questions, etc.) and you often start with really easy exercises.
        -Improv is not so much “coming up with” something creative, the best improvisers are the ones who really don’t think about what’s coming out of their mouth. The less of a filter you allow yourself to have, the better you’ll do.
        -Be brave and jump in! Improv has all kinds of social, cognative, and emotional benefits and you’ll thank yourself for going. It’s also a whole lot of fun and you’re going to find yourself laughing.

        Have fun! You’ll do great.

      2. OperaArt*

        Some training centers have a one-day “welcome to improv” workshop. That might be a good way for you to test the waters without making a big commitment.

        Some of the best advice I received in my training was, “Dare to be boring.” Improv is not about being funny every second, it’s about moving the scene along. Sometimes the scene really just needs someone to say, “The car is here.”

        If you did end up in a Level 1 class with experienced improvisers, you’d probably find them to be your favorite scene partners. Experienced people know that the way to make a scene work is to make their partners look good. They need to be good collaborators. They’ll protect you on stage, and you do the same for them.

        Good improv doesn’t require talking all the time, so don’t be worried if you can’t always think of something to say. I’m in an improv duo that’s been around for a few years. We often are 30 seconds into a scene before either of us says a word.

        Improv is essentially playing make believe. If you can play with a 3-year-old, you can do improv.

        I hope you try it and have loads of fun.

  108. patricia*

    I can answer your craft beer questions, if anyone is looking for advice on switching away from mass marketed beer. I tend to drink all styles so I have opinions for people who want to drink more than IPAs.

    1. Turkletina*

      Ooh, I have two questions.

      My mom really likes German hefeweizens, but struggles to find an American wheat beer she enjoys. (Other styles are not for her.) Can you recommend some good American hefeweizens?

      For myself, I will also take any and all porter recommendations!

      1. patricia*

        I’m not sure what region of the country you’re in, so I’m going to give a few that are generally available and a couple that are regional to me. I can probably come up with recommendations for a couple other regions if you want to specify.

        Widely available:
        -Bell’s Oberón. This is the best widely distributed American wheat beer that I know. The American style is pretty diffferent from the German style, though, and your mom might not find it to her taste.
        -Widmer Hefeweizen. This is an Oregon based brewery but I seem to think they have pretty wide distribution.
        – Weihenstephaner. This is obviously German, but widely available in the US. If she likes the clove flavors, this would be a good one.
        -Ayinger. Also German, also pretty widely available. This is more bubblegum flavor.

        Regional to me (southeast US) and very tasty:
        – Sweetwater Grass Monkey. This is lemony and grassy, a little hoppy, and easy drinking. If your mom likes the bready, banana Hefeweizens, this probably won’t be for her, but if she likes the lighter versions, she might like it.
        – Olde Mecklenburg Brewery Hornet’s Nest. This is a great beer that is lighter than many German versions but still malty and with light banana flavors.
        – Funky Bhudda Floridian. This is more banana and bready, with some nice sweetness.

        If you want to give me a general region you’re in, I can probably come up with some others you may be able to find.

        I’ll do porters separately (and later, because I’m needing out on this stuff- I love to give recommendations- but I have to do my paid work! So check back later).

        2. Turkletina*

          Ooh, thanks, these are great! My mom is in New England, and I’ll pass these along to her. :)

          1. patricia*

            So New England is the home of IPAs lately, unfortunately for your mom. I’d encourage her to go to local places that have lots of draft taps and try samples of hefeweizens until she finds something she likes. Restaurants that invest in a bunch of taps usually are pretty committed to helping people find beer they like.

            Porters! I love a good porter. Porters are a little trickier because you can add lots of flavors to them, so I’ll list some “plain” porters and also a few flavored favorites, which will totally depend on your taste. Once again, craft beer is super local, and I dunno if you’re also in New England (your phrasing makes me think not), but I’ll recommend some widely available ones and then some of my favorites which you may or may not be able to lay hands on. If you want more local recommendations, let me know a geographic area.

            Widely available:
            – Deschutes Black Butte- I think you can get this in many places. This is a great, drinkable porter that’s not as roasty as some others. Very approachable.
            – Founders Porter- I love the dark roasted bitterness of this beer. Almost the exact opposite of Deschutes.
            – Abita Bourbon Street Baltic Porter- despite its name, it’s not a Baltic Porter at all; its very sweet, almost toffee like. But yummy if you like sweeter beers. I don’t know if this one is widely available though I think Abita distributes fairly widely.
            – Anchor Porter- a nice coffee and caramel style porter. Been around forever.
            – Bell’s Porter- once again Bell’s shows up on my list. They really do make good beers in almost every style.

            More regional (this isn’t limited to the southeast, it’s just some of my faves):
            – Trillium Pot & Kettle- this is a great beer, one of the best non-IPAs to come out of New England.
            – Foothills People’s Porter- Foothills is a small brewery in Winston Salem, North Carolina.
            – Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald- a Cleveland brewery with a really awesome porter, it’s one of their flagship beers. Very coffee bitterness.
            – Highland Oatmeal Porter- the oats in this give it a nice nuttiness and fuller body. I like this one a lot. Highland is from North Carolina though I think they have a fairly wide distribution area.
            – Hill Farmstead Everett porter- another good one out of New England.

            Flavored
            – Oskar Blues Death by Coconut- you need to love coconut to drink this one, but if you do love coconut, you can’t go wrong. Oskar Blues is a Colorado brewery that is distributed all over, though I don’t know if this particular brew is widely available.
            – Oskar Blues also makes Hotbox Coffee Porter, which is just what it sounds like. Specifically coffee flavored, not just the usual coffee notes from the roasted grain.
            – Asheville Brewing Company Love Ninja- this is a lovely raspberry porter made in Asheville. I don’t think they distribute much outside the immediate vicinity but if you’re ever in Asheville, give it a try.
            – Hoppin’ Frog Infusion – this is a peanut butter chocolate porter from Ohio that is DELICIOUS. Ahem. If you like that sort of thing.
            – Stone Smoked Porter – I don’t like most smoked beers but if that’s your jam, this one’s for you.

    2. Natalie*

      I have a question similar to Turkeltina’s

      My stepmom isn’t much a beer drinker and every time she asks a server for a recommendation, the only beer she can give them to compare is Killian’s Irish Red. Servers always seem completely stumped by this, probably because that beer doesn’t seem to be in wide distribution anymore. Any ideas of similar craft beers that they could use as reference?

      1. patricia*

        I dunno, I know how to brew beer but not how to make it gluten free. The only gluten free beer I’ve enjoyed so far is Stone Delicious, which is an IPA.

  109. Concur*

    Concur Request/Travel/Expense, ask me anything… I’m all about making expensing business travel less tedious.

  110. Rachel Morgan*

    I’m excellent with the DNA/genetics of horse colors, Sheltie (shetland sheepdog) and collie colors as well. I’m also a youth services librarian, so anything about children’s books as well.

    1. TheCupcakeCounter*

      I have an almost 9-year old boy who HATES reading. At school he seems to like the Geronimo Stilton series so we got him one and he bitched through the entire thing. I need to find some books that he will get excited about reading. His school required chapter books so we’ve tried Magic Treehouse, Captain Underpants, and a few others. If given his choice he would read the Dogman comic-type books (fine for casual but his teacher won’t accept those for school projects and we tend to agree). His interests are hockey, Pokemon, superheroes, animals, and most of the other “typical” boy stuff. I want to get him a few books in his Easter basket to try.

      1. ContentWrangler*

        There was a series of books I liked as a kid called McGrowl by Bob Balaban (#1 is called Beware of Dog). It’s about a boy and his dog who gains bionic powers after life-saving surgery. They then solve crimes, take on bad guys. I haven’t read the Dogman books, but McGrowl might be close enough that he’ll like them even though they aren’t comics.

        1. ContentWrangler*

          Oh Gregor the Overlander series is another really fun one! Lots of action and giant, talking, intelligent bats, rats, and insects.

      2. patricia*

        I’m not a librarian but a mom of a 9 year old who’s iffy about reading. If he likes Dogman, maybe see if there are other graphic novels he might like? My daughter gets into those and there are many that are more literary. Look at The Bad Guys, Jedi Academy, the Big Nate books, or Dragonbreath. Also, did you try the Choose Your Own Adventure books? My little ones really dig those.

      3. Elan Morin Tedronai*

        As a kid I used to read the pokemon anime novelisation series (https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pok%C3%A9mon_anime_novelization_series) or junior novels based on marvel superheroes such as this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man:_Down_These_Mean_Streets). I think it’d be a decent transition from comics to books since he’s pretty familiar with the characters and should be able to learn how to visualise the scenes, since they’re pretty descriptive on the whole.

    2. intrinsically knotted*

      Is there any reason why some coat patterns only appear on horses of certain colors, e.g. dappled grey, but no dappled chestnut?

      Also, how closely related are the genetics for coat color in horses to the genetics for, say, dogs or cats? In other words, I know there are genes that will lighten a base color (e.g. black to grey) in horses, and the same in cats, but are they basically the same gene, having evolved in a common ancestor? Or are they totally separate genes that evolved independently?

      1. catsaway*

        Not an expect in horse genetics but genetics is part of my PhD. I would guess the major coat color genes are the same across mammals, as the same few genes keep coming up again and again as being important for coat color (although there may be some assertainment bias there). Dogs might be weirder than cats since a lot more effort has been made in breeding different varieties of dogs compared to cats (NY Time recently had an article about that).

  111. Merula*

    I’m good at (i.e. have worked in for 10+ years) property and casualty insurance. Have questions about auto, homeowners, small business insurance, or (my favorite) Why You Probably Don’t Need An Umbrella?

    I’m also good at personal finance, though I see that cropping up already.

    1. Ashley*

      If my neighbors tree falls in my yard causing damage, who is responsible? Do I need to notify them if the tree looks sick?

      1. Merula*

        Legally they are, but you may or may not be able to collect. I would suggest mentioning it to them (and if you can document that so much the better) and saying you’re worried.

        If something does happen, you’d report it to your insurance company (homeowners if it damages your home, auto if it damages your car; this is one of the reasons it helps to have everything together), and say it was your neighbor’s tree and give them your neighbor’s info. What should happen is that your insurance company will work with their insurance company to figure things out, and you shouldn’t have to pay the deductible. BUT that’s a big if. If your neighbor doesn’t have insurance, it’s just back to your insurance company or small claims court. But you can’t get blood from a stone.

    2. NYC Redhead*

      Why don’t I need umbrella coverage? I got it when I started serving on a nonprofit board that did not have Directors & Officers liability insurance. Major assets are house, car & accounts.

    1. CatCat*

      I have a table that is on page 1 of a document I use every week. This is great except for the random blank page 2 that I cannot figure out how to get rid of. Why is this page 2 there? How do I get rid of it? Backspace is all I know and it’s not working! Any insight appreciated!

      1. foolofgrace*

        Does the table take up the whole page? If so, you probably need to make a row or two a bit smaller in height. (Even if it’s a table at the bottom of the page, actually, but in that case you can find some text above the table where you can maybe save a line.) What you want to do is bring up the final paragraph mark after the table. I always work with my paragraph marks on; click on the backwards P in the Home tab. You can also highlight this paragraph mark and make it smaller by either manually making the font smaller or just hitting Shift-Control-Comma a few times. If you see black squares around anything in the left margin, write back because they might be causing commotion. Hope this helps, write back if you need more help.

        1. hermit crab*

          I agree with this! There is generally a hard return after tables, to separate the table from the rest of the document, and in some situations it’s impossible to remove. However, you can change that hard return to 1pt font and make sure it has no paragraph spacing before or after, and it may be small enough to sneak onto the previous page.

        2. CatCat*

          Ooooommmmmgggggg… this helped me fix it! It’s been like this for over a year and driving me nuts.

          THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!

        3. Sunshine on a Cloudy Day*

          Just saying – figuring out how to turn on/utilize the paragraph marks was a game changer. I became the office Word expert, just because everyone thought I was formatting magician. Nope! No magic here – just able to see where the paragraphs/page breaks actually are.

    3. hermit crab*

      Me too, except my go-to process for mail merges is: Step 1. Google how to do a mail merge. Step 2. Follow the directions. :)

    5. paul*

      Is there a good way to handle inserting active, sortable spreadsheets into a work document, so that someone viewing them online can still sort by different rows and columns in the spreadsheet?

      1. foolofgrace*

        Tip: If it’s an Excel spreadsheet, the answer is probably in “insert — object”. From your Word document, click on Help (F1 or click on the question mark in the upper right) and in the search box type “insert excel”. Apologies if you’ve already done this but if you haven’t, some of the search results might be what you need. Hope this helps.

    6. catsaway*

      How can I create a table of contents template? For my dissertation I need a table of contents for chapters, figures etc and I want to try and create a template so I can label figure 1, Chapter 2 and have it’s page number change as necessary. (My school is no help, I’ve already reached out to the grad school and library)

      1. foolofgrace*

        I don’t think it’s possible to have one single TOC that shows both chapters and figures — they would have to be two separate tables, which is not that unusual. I recommend using the TOC command from the Reference tab but for this to work you need to use styles for your chapter and figure headings. If you’re not familiar with styles, that’s more than I can get into here; google Microsoft Word Styles Tutorial and you’ll get some good results. If you DO know about styles, try the Table of Contents command and selecting Manual Table or Custom Table of Contents. Then redesign the table to your preferences and update the styles you’ve changed.

        1. catsaway*

          Thank you for your help – I know I’ll need >1 TOC but I didn’t know how to create them. I’ll start my googling now : )

          1. foolofgrace*

            This is from the Help section in Word (the question mark in the upper right): You can list and organize the figures, pictures, or tables in your Word document by creating a table of figures, much like a table of contents. First add captions to your figures, and then use the Insert Table of Figures command on the References tab. Word then searches the document for your captions and automatically adds a list of figures, sorted by page number.

            1. foolofgrace*

              Headings must be a Heading style, figures must be (I think) a Figure style. I could be wrong about the figure style, though I’m sure about the headings.

  113. LizLee*

    Looking for expertise: Does anyone here have mad skillz with accounts receivable? Tips for collecting on past-due balances? My customers are bars and restaurants. Thank you!

    1. sparty*

      Set your prices so you can add a 2 net 10 discount (pay within 10 days and get 2% off). Make your target margin based on the idea that everyone pays on time, and when they don’t you get a little extra margin.

      1. Aurion*

        LizLee: in addition to this, you can also consider setting penalties for late invoices and enforcing them.

      2. LizLee*

        Sorry, my original comment was unclear: “my” customers are my employer’s customers, I’m not the one setting pricing or terms. (And I don’t think we’re legally allowed to offer discounts due to our industry.)

        1. Ashley*

          Call and be on friendly terms with the person who cuts the check. Emails are easy to ignore. Try to stay friendly.

    2. Natalie*

      There’s not necessarily “one neat trick”, but some options:

      1) Make frequent, direct contact. In my last job we had good success when we started following up sooner – more like 10 days past due rather than 30+. Email is always nice for documentation, but when after the first two messages you probably need to call and have some awkward conversations with people about paying their bills.

      2) Charge whatever late fees/interest you normally do immediately and by rote, even if you aren’t planning on collecting them. People seem to respond better to “I can do you a favor and waive this late fee if you pay now” rather than “you’ll have to pay a late fee [eventually] if you don’t pay this.]

      3) Can you start collecting credit card information and charging people after they’ve signed off on the delivery? This might require some front end set up since you would need to go through a CC processor to save card information and have people agree before they order, but if you have a lot of problems with collecting payment it might be worth it.

      4) Keep track of who your regular offenders are, and put them on COD or cut them off. This is an incredibly common technique with restaurants in particular since they need food or beer or whatever it is you’re selling. The deadbeats will bluster, but trust me, they’re used to it. (And don’t worry too much about saving the client – someone who doesn’t pay you is less than worthless as a customer.)

    3. Goya de la Mancha*

      I can’t set price or penalty for my employer, but some of my tricks have been:

      * Make sure due date is BIG/BOLD/OUT THERE – top corner of our invoices have the date sent with the due date and invoice number listed clearly underneath.
      * Be super understanding with someone who calls in that their payment is going to be a few days “late” from that due date. In my company, I’m just happy that they’re paying it – so getting it to me on Friday instead of Tuesdays is easy enough to brush off and they think they’re “working the system”;)
      * Sending “2nd notices” a couple weeks after the due date has passed – it’s possible it just got lost in their desk shuffle.

    4. Jesmlet*

      We’ve been toying with the idea of charging interest. We have an absurd amount of outstanding AR and now require a credit card or ACH on file even if their pay method is by check.

    1. Parenthetically*

      Why don’t my jams ever set? My guess is overripe fruit. They taste amazing but they’re more the texture of an ice cream topping than something that sits up nicely on a piece of toast.

      1. sparty*

        Do you use added pectin or heat to thicken? One of my favorite jams is a strawberry pinot noir that is a very thin jam as it doesn’t use any pectin and the addition of a bottle of wine thins it out. I’m ok with this, but it’s not your typical thick jam.

        One tip to test the thickness, put a plate in the freezer, when you think it might be done cooking put a small amount on the frozen plate, and in a few seconds you should be able to see the final texture.

        1. Natalie*

          I love the plate test.

          Also, youtube videos are great for understanding exactly what sheeting, wrinkling, etc look like.

        2. Emilia Bedelia*

          On the subject of canning and pectin, I highly recommend Pomona Pectin to anyone – it works differently than conventional pectin, and it doesn’t require sugar to set. You can use much less sugar than conventional recipes, and you don’t need to cook it as much either. I absolutely love the jams that I make with Pomona’s – it tastes so much more like the fruit, and isn’t overwhelmingly sweet.

        1. SarahKay*

          If you don’t want to add commercial pectin (my Mum never uses it as she says she doesn’t like the taste) then try adding a small amount of high-pectin fruit in a muslin bag. Strawberries are quite low in pectin, so when I make strawberry jam I add a small muslin bag containing about a handful of redcurrants. It doesn’t change the taste (at least not that I notice) but definitely helps it set. Or you use lemon juice or lemon peel, depending on the recipe and flavours.

          1. Ethyl*

            Apple is also very high in pectin and doesn’t tend to impart too much of an off flavor IME.

            1. sparty*

              My favorite canning cookbook has a recipe for making pectin (basically a crab apple jam) that you mix into his various recipes.

    2. Lucky*

      What’s an easy canning project for a noob? I’m more interested in the pickle side of things, rather than jams.

      1. sparty*

        The key when beginning to can is to find a recipe that you find online. Water bath canning is the easiest and cheapest as all you need is a big enough pot.

        With canning there is a risk of botulism if you don’t create the right environment in the jar, acidity or pressure canning is the best way to combat this risk. This is why items like cherry jams get lemon juice added to the recipe. Pickles should be fine as they use vinegar. You could also find a aigre dioux recipe if you want a mix of jam/pickle (it’s a sweet and sour sauce usually with fruit as the main component).

        2. Witty Nickname*

          How do spices affect the environment in the jar? I have a beets recipe that I want to change up the spices in. Will I also need to change up the acid/sugar/etc in it?

          What is your favorite canning book or recipe website? I am trying to organize a canning party at a friend’s house (her kitchen is much better for it than mine) and want to find some fun recipes to use (I tend to like different flavor combinations, so I’m not just going to make pickled beets, I’m going to make cumin curry pickled beets. And I’m not going to just make strawberry jam, I will want to make strawberry basil black pepper jam or something like that).

          1. Ethyl*

            I believe that changing spices in a recipe that already calls for some won’t impact the safety. Using fresh herbs in place of dry could potentially affect the amount of water in the recipe and thus the acidity, but it would have to be a lot of herbs I would imagine!

          2. sparty*

            In my experience, spices get stronger when canned, so be cautious or follow a given recipe. It’s the reason I was taught to never spice apple sauce before I canned it by my grandmother and aunt.

            My favorite cook book is from Paul Virant “The Preservation Kitchen: The Craft of Making and Cooking with Pickles, Preserves, and Aigre-doux”. He’s chef of my favorite restaurant (west of Chicago) who has had a Michellin star and uses the many canned goods they make in his restaurant.

            He has many interesting combinations, but the strawberry pinot noir jam is my favorite. Two other flavor combos that are not standard but should be are balsamic vinegar and strawberry jam and blueberry rhubarb.

    3. CatCat*

      Do you have any suggestions for mustard?

      I followed two mustard recipes in the Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving and they were both disasters. They tasted awful. I feel like there was something missing from those recipes, but I can’t figure out what it is. I haven’t tried mustard since.

      2. Emilia Bedelia*

        Did you let it sit for the specified length of time? Mustard in particular often takes a few days to develop the flavor.

  115. NotThatGardner*

    professionally: i know a lot about digital asset management (DAM) & have my MLIS.

    personally: i know a fair amount about knitting, sewing, and embroidery (have a BFA in textiles) and can talk needle craft all day long. knitting is my primary, though.

    also know a fair bit about scotch.

    1. Lora*

      Oh, hello! My mother went to school for textile art, spent her career in carpet and wallcovering design, and now is retired and she does textile things with mohair and cashmere and alpaca. I keep cashmere and mohair goats, and I do the shearing :/ although the combing-out of cashmeres is less stressful. I send the fiber out to be spun, I just do the initial skirting / washing / first carding without blending.

      Here’s my question: I’m thinking of buying her a floor loom (keeping her active is a Thing, supposed to be good for your brain as you age). She says she vaguely remembers a 4-harness 36″ Leclerc from school but would need instructions on how to do the fancier weaves again. Are there any books, tutorials or YouTube videos you’d recommend?

      1. NotThatGardner*

        hi! firstly, OMG awesome on the goats & the shearing! i attended a shearing demo at a farm in maine once and it looks HARD. i do hear sending the fiber out to be spun is the easiest way, but if you sell it, please let me know – i love to buy indie.

        as to weaving, it’s one area im less knowledgable but still know one or two things. there aren’t any particular books i’d recommend, but if there is a local fiber resource/craft place near you they might have either books, tips, or even a class! i’m in the boston area, and there’s a place called the fibre arts boston resource & information center (FABRIC) that offers afforadable tutorials.

        as to buying a loom, often old studios or art schools may be selling cheap, you just have to do some cold calling/emailing to ask around & get a decent price. i hope this helps!

    2. Witty Nickname*

      Knitting and Scotch (and knitting while drinking Scotch because I like to live dangerously) are two of my favorite things!

      Scotch question – I like the really smoky Islay single malt scotches. I have a bottle of Laphroaig in my liquor cabinet, but want to figure out what I should try next (smoky or not – pretty much the only thing I don’t really like is rye). Under $100 a bottle is good; under $80 is better (the $450 bottle I tried in the whiskey vault of a local bar was amazing, but too spendy for my budget unfortunately). Any recommendations?

      1. NotThatGardner*

        DEFINITELY! islay is my fave region too:) lagavulin gets a lot of air time because it was ron swanson’s favorite, and i like that, but i think my favorite is ardbeg 10 yr – ~$45-50 a bottle and so nice and smoky and salty and smooth. Bruichladdich (brukladdie) is also very versatile, they have a few different whiskies that vary in price and taste but are all pretty good. Bunnahabhain is definitely the cheapest option, but i only use it for scotch cocktails – i don’t care for it just neat or on the rocks.

        non-islay but still a staple in my house is auchentoshen – a lowlands scotch outside glasgow that is just a delight & depending on which you get can run from $40-70, at least in my area.

        hope this helps!

      2. Schmitt*

        I got a whisky advent calendar last year – that was awesome for figuring out what I like & don’t like! I listed Laphroaig as 2/5 though so I’ll refrain from giving you recommendations, haha.

  116. D.W.*

    I’m great at offering suggestions for delicious budget-friendly vegan meals! I used to do private in-home cooking in undergrad, and recently started a YouTube channel.

    My approach is a transformation not a recreation of former dietary habits, so I don’t regularly use or suggest vegan versions of dairy or meat products. That stuff gets expensive quickly.

    Ask away!

    1. Turkletina*

      Do you have suggestions for protein sources that aren’t beans? I love beans, but I feel like I’m in a bit of a rut.

      1. Emilia Bedelia*

        It sounds weird and hippie-y, but I really like TVP (texturized vegetable protein) as an all purpose “filler” for when I want to add more protein. It makes great taco filling, chili, BBQ, stuffing for peppers/veggies – basically anywhere you’d use ground meat. I can usually find Bob’s Red Mill TVP for ~$2-3/lb.

        Seitan and tempeh are a little harder to find and can be more expensive, but I think they both have really unique flavors/textures. Tofu is a classic, of course.

      2. D.W.*

        The great thing is, all food contains protein in different amounts. Also may be good to considr

        Some of the highest protein concentrated foods include:
        Peanut butter
        Chickpeas
        Green Beans
        Tofu
        Tempeh
        Pumpkin Seeds
        Oats
        Broccoli
        Edamame

        1. D.W.*

          Wanted to say, good to consider preparing the beans differently as well. It can help with boredom.

          I also like TVP! If you have a health food store with a good bulk section, you can find it there much cheaper. My local store sells it for $1.15/lb.

      1. D.W.*

        Broccoli
        One of my favorite ways to enjoy broccoli is by roasting it with a small amount of olive oil, crushed garlic, red pepper flakes, salt and black pepper. Roast at 400 degrees F for 30 min. I also add it to fried rice, risotto, make a rice and broccoli casserole, use it sliced raw in salads.

        Sweet
        Potatoes For a breakfast dish, I’ll cube them make a roasted sweet potato hash with veggies. Take the same roasted potatoes and add to salads and black bean burger mix. I also add into lentil stew, make sweet potato bread, sweet potato mash paired with a protein of warm herbs and spices, risotto. I’ve also had them used as filling for savory hand pies.

        Fresh Spinach
        Ravioli or tortellini mixed with sweet potatoes and spinach. Included in stews. I’ll add to breakfast burritos with sweet potatoes. Use in place of lettuce in fresh spring rolls with basil, herbed tofu, and other veggies. Savory tofu quiche (there are some good ones out there!). Spinach pesto. Lasagna.

        Frozen Spinach
        Spicy spinach hand pies. Indian saag sans paneer. Spinach enchiladas (delicious!). Spinach dip.

    3. GuitarLady*

      I would actually love to hear more about the Youtube channel if you don’t mind! What sort of equipment did you need, how often do you post, how did you get subscribers etc.

      1. D.W.*

        For a while, I just used my android and Apple phone to record. The only initial purchases I made were lights, a two tripods to hold my phone, and a lapel mic.

        Once I decided I wanted to invest some money into the project, I bought a Nikon DSLR D5500. I chose Nikon after speaking to a few photographer friends. All of them said that Nikons were best for video. I decided to go with a camera over a camcorder because I still needed a camera to take good photos. Next purchase will be a directional mic. I have some ideas for on-location videos, and that will be very useful.

        I’m not a scheduled poster (not recommended). I really hate video editing! So unfortunately, my posts are sporadic, but I do minimal marketing on my FB page. I did create a separate Instagram account, which I think has helped, but mainly I think tagging my videos correctly has helped me out a lot. One of my videos has over 45k views! I’m not trying to turn YouTube into a career, it’s just an outlet for a hobby I really enjoy.

        And honestly, whether for good or bad, veganism is really trendy right now, so there is a huge market. If you supply the content, people will find you!

  117. Technical and fiction editor*

    I edit technical docs for widespread teams for my day job and edit fiction manuscripts (YA, science fiction, thrillers, etc.) freelance/ on the side after doing it full-time for a few years.

    I’m happy to answer questions about either editing flavor!

    1. Princess Scrivener*

      Care to share how you broke into freelance editing? I do technical / some creative writing all day at work, but editing is my freak-of-nature talent, and I’d be interested in manuscripts once I retire. I’d like to email you more specific questions, or some such… Thank you!

      1. Technical and fiction editor*

        Sure thing! Some parts of my job there were definitely luck-based. I didn’t have a work history right after college, but I had edited some papers and short stories for friends. I put the word out among my friends and family that I wanted to try fiction editing and sketched out some fees below market rates. In the meantime, I started a book review blog so that prospective clients could see a sample of how I evaluated writing.

        After a month or so of this, one friend’s mother got in touch with a few chapters of her book. She liked my sample feedback and we worked together on a few projects until she got picked up by a small-but-reputable press. They liked that her manuscript was already clean and hired me on as a copy editor. From there I moved up into a remote senior editor position.

        On the more freelance end, a friend of a family friend in another state sent me a manuscript that he’d been writing for fun in his retirement. He wasn’t seriously interested in publishing, but he mentioned my name to people in his writing group. One of them has been sending me a long manuscript per year ever since, and she loves speaking at local writing conventions– I still get inquiries from people who hear about me through her.

        In retrospect, I could have put myself out there more online: I’ve been listed on a few “find an editor” blog recommendation posts and gotten good nibbles from that. I’ve found that word of mouth works well, though. If one person really loves your work and is a member of a writing group or shared blog, or likes to do public author events, that helps a lot.

        You can message me at lcownbey@gmail.com if you want to talk more.

        1. Princess Scrivener*

          Tech & Fiction Editor, I’ma take you up on your offer. Thanks for all the info and the email address!

  118. JackofAllTrades,MasterofNone*

    I work in import/export and trade compliance. If anyone needs help with exporting, I am your gal. My forte is dairy products.

    I also do a lot of volunteering for an animal shelter, so know way more than I should about things like giving a cat a bath or pill, and how to eradicate fleas. :)

    2. Customs duties were HOW much??*

      My company ships some custom parts back and forth to Europe (usually Italy) for rework by a consultant we have there. We paid a lot for the parts because they are custom, but they are not worth nearly that much to anyone else, and the difference is huge – like we pay $3k for a small metal pin that is probably worth $10 at most to someone else. Can we report the $10 cost on our customs forms, or are we required to use the amount we paid for them? Is this a reasonable thing to ask a supplier if they are shipping directly abroad?

      Any favorite carrier for making import/export easier? How can we get these fees billed directly to us rather than as a requirement for collection by our consultant overseas?

      1. President Porpoise*

        I am also an import and export professional. I specialize in military hardware, so we see a lot of the specialty type things you’re talking about here.

        Under customs regulations, you must in fact declare the amount paid or payable as the price of the item. See 19 CFR section 152 for more detailed valuation info.

        The real question is were these originally manufactured in the US? If you can get a manufacturer’s affidavit stating so, and also provide an importer’s declaration and foreign shipper’s declaration, you may be able to import duty free under 9801.00.1012. (19 CFR 10.1, for more info)
        If these are NOT US goods, you may be able to import under 9802.00.40 for a reduced duty rate – you would only have to pay the duties on the repairs. (See 19 CFR 10.8.)

        I am a licensed customs broker, but I am not your licensed customs broker. Get a broker to help you out. DON’T rely on FedEx or UPS – they frequently, in my experience, jack things up (no offense, guys). DHL seems to be mostly ok.

        1. President Porpoise*

          Oh, note that if your goods are affected by the recent Trump tariff increases, you’ll have to enter them under chapter 99 and pay the increased fee, regardless of the duty reduction program you might try to use. It may be cheaper to try to use it though – my team of experts is still out on that one.

    3. Ricky*

      So, we got our first dog (as adults, we both had dogs as kids but that’s not the same!) a couple months back and she’s already had tapeworm twice. Is this something that happens a lot? Should we just keep dewormer in stock at the house?

      Also, my vet discouraged using 1-800-pet-meds, and Chewy doesn’t send meds monthly… is there anywhere else that can automatically send prescription meds? (Especially heartworm and flea/tick prevention.)

    4. President Porpoise*

      Jack, what specialized of export regs and PGAs do you play with? I’ve always thought food stuffs, particularly cheese, must be difficult to export import. Particularly import – if you do that, do you have to deal with quotas a lot?

  119. diaphanous*

    I can help with Pi ProcessBook, DataLink, Batch, and some sys-admin type things. Can’t do any AssetFramework (that’s next on the list to learn….) or their other products. I can help troubleshooting OPC interfaces and Matrikon Tunneller, if necessary. :)

  120. Patsy Stone*

    Pretty decent knowledge about safaris in East/Southern Africa (not South Africa, however). Used to be an overland tour leader there for a few years, and then switched to planning tailor-made trips for people there. Happy to answer any questions!

      1. Patsy Stone*

        How exciting!! I love Chobe…brilliant park! As it’s their winter, the days can be pretty hot (not humid though), and the nights can be pretty cool. I would suggest bringing a hat for sure. Cotton or breathable clothes in earth-tone colours (khaki, brown, olive green). Definitely a fleece or hoody or something warm to put on at night and on those early morning game drives…it can get very very chilly in the morning!!! Mainly short sleeve shirts for the day, but I would throw in one or two longer ones you can layer during the morning or at night. Long pants/cargo pants or zip off pants/shorts…save space on packing and can zip back on. Decent walking shoes with closed toes and heels, and good treads. No flashy clothes/excessive skin-baring clothes, no crazy colours (while on game drives), or jewelry, and definitely nothing in a camouflage print. A swimsuit if you’re staying in a lodge that has a pool. Not a packing tip, but definitely drink lots of water there… I’ve had pax get dehydrated pretty quickly in the sun. Also a basic first aid kit to cover yourself just in case you need it. Kasane (the town where Chobe is) has got a couple pretty decent sized stores if you forget anything or need to pick up an extra shirt or some such. You’ll have a fabulous time in Chobe, one of my favourite parks!

  121. Science Outreach 4 Eva*

    Hello! I’m in informal science and environmental education. I’m that person who would give talks about the animals at aquariums, visit schools for outreach programs and teach field trips.

    I’ve since graduated to managing these types of programs and even taking my talents to the private sector. My transferable skills include being able to communicate science topics for a general audience, writing science parody songs, building partnerships and teaching adults how to effectively communicate with young people. I do a fair amount of contract work which includes curriculum development and consulting on best practices for outreach.

    I’m also a certified master naturalist and know way too many random animal facts. Ask away!

      1. Science Outreach 4 Eva*

        So many!

        Unlike turtles on land, sea turtles cannot pull their heads into their shells. Most sea turtles will spend their entire lives out at sea. Females will usually return to the beach they were born at to lay their eggs. Many species of sea turtles will migrate thousands of miles! You can get fancy and use the technical names for their shells. Their top, or back shell is called a carapace, and their bottom, or tummy shell is called a plastron.

        Green sea turtles are some of the largest in the world, they can weigh up to 700 pounds. Their common name, green sea turtle, comes from the color of their skin and not their shell.

        However, Green sea turtles are small compared to Leatherback sea turtles. The only species without a hard shell. These amazing creatures can weigh over 2000 pounds. They are excellent divers and can hold their breath up to 85 minutes.

        National Geographic, Nat Geo Kids, NOAA and Sea World are great resources for these types of projects. Regardless of what you think of SW right now their online animal library is great. Hope this helps! :)

    2. anonimal*

      Do you have any knowledge about tracking animals (GPS, UHF, etc?) For conservation or scientific studies? I’m specifically interested in the technology or where to learn more about it.

    3. prussianblue*

      I work in a related field! My background is in environmental econ, but I’ve moved into more communicating around this topic rather than technical data analysis. Any good non-traditional outreach recommendations for engaging stakeholders in say, climate change and/or sea level rise work? I work with adults rather than kids, if that matters.

  122. Rock Prof*

    I teach some general education, online science courses. I think they’re pretty decent, if anyone wants some general tips. I’ve designed from scratch as well as adapted face-to-face courses.

  123. Come On Eileen*

    I finished the 12 steps this last year so I can answer questions about recovery, amends, etc.

  124. Engineer on the Dark Side*

    Does anyone have any tips/experience on learning CAD programs (AutoCAD or some other 2D program)? I am an engineer / program manager but I want to (re)learn CAD. I don’t have time to take a college class and can’t/don’t want to spend the money for a training class.
    Also related looking for help in picking out/upgrading my desktop computer to run CAD/video games .
    Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

    1. Shrugged*

      does Lynda.com have anything? And does your local library offer Lynda.com for free on their computers?

      Does your company use a subscription service for your CAD program? Many of these service programs offer free/reduced price classes are part of the service. Is the company taking advantage of those, and can you get in on some of that?

      My best tip: Autodesk has moved away from typed commands into ribbons, buttons and panels (to make it match Revit). I hate them, people draft so slowly now! (Re) learn the commands and wow everyone with how fast a drafter you are.

    2. T3k*

      I don’t know how much experience you have building computers for the upgrading part, but I love using pcpartpicker site. As one of my friends put, building a computer is easy, you’re just building with expensive legos. The thing that’ll determine all the rest of the parts is the motherboard, so once you figure out which one falls into your budget, the rest of the pieces fall into place. That said, budget wisely, and don’t skimp on the graphics card.

    3. Excitable Sim*

      Ah, my reply is late but I am a CAD drafter. The suggestion for Lynda is a pretty good one. They had a bunch of good Autodesk/other lessons when I was in school. Also this is really basic, but have you tried looking at AutoCAD’s provided video tutorials/guide to basics/etc? If you want to use CAD the way engineers at my company do, that might be enough to serve your purpose, especially if you knew how to use it before.

      As for picking out a computer to run it, I’d go online to schools that teach CAD programs and look at computer requirements for students. When I was in school several years ago that was an i7 processor, 500GB HDD or SSD, 16GB RAM, and 2GB VRAM, which was enough for CAD but nowhere near enough for the 3D programs I was using. :'(

      This is not a super helpful comment, but I was excited to see someone mention a program that relates to me here. :)

    4. tab*

      I’m an engineer too, and I just started using it following the tutorials and help. You know we engineers just figure things out. I’m an EE, so I only use it for block diagrams, schematics and layouts. I don’t use it daily, so I OFTEN have to relearn commands.

  125. Katie*

    Can Discuss:
    I write children’s books and teacher materials. I’ve won some awards. I’ve worked for the big companies in the field. Now I do business-side (budgets, proposals, HR, etc.) for my husband’s graphic design business.

    1. ContentWrangler*

      When you were writing children’s books, did you do the illustrations yourself? Or if not, how did you find an illustrator? There’s a children’s book idea that my mom has always wanted to write but I have no idea how to guide in her in finding a quality illustrator.

      2. Katie*

        Hi! I have never done illustration. I do mostly non-fiction with photographs as opposed to illustrated books, but I’ve done a few that had illustrations. I didn’t choose an illustrator, the editor would usually already have one in mind or ready to go. I did have to send art specs, describing what should be on each page, and go back and forth a few times with them sketching and me giving feedback (partially because it was non-fiction, so it had to be correct).

        Usually, the best step for a writer is to find an agent, or submit to publishers, without an illustrator. They are much more interested in matching up a great writer and illustrator than in having people pitch to do the work together (except in husband/wife; parent/child situations where they write and illustrate together, or where both are done by the same person).

        I would advise her:
        1-check out Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators https://www.scbwi.org
        2-look into writing websites and pitch to some children’s magazines (I love Cricket’s whole lineup of magazines, although I’ve not worked with them personally: https://cricketmag.submittable.com/submit) so she has some examples under her belt before pitching a book;
        3-write a query letter (or the whole book, depending on the length and complexity) and send to agents.

        Good luck!

  126. Libby*

    I feel like this is super niche, but I’ve been cosplaying, making costumes, and going to anime/sci-fi/gaming/geek conventions for over 10 years. I’ve also been sewing longer than that – just apparel though, not home decor or quilting I’m not familiar with those. So if you have questions about any of those I’d be happy to answer them.

    2. SCanonibrarian*

      Yay cosplay people! I’ve been cosplaying at dragoncon in ATL for … wow, this year will be 12 years now. Yikes!

      1. Libby*

        I’ll be there this year! I missed last year because Lady Gaga played at Fenway Park the same weekend so I went to that instead. It was the first year I missed since 2009, and looking forward to going back this year.

    3. Tardigrade*

      How do you deal with storing your cosplay stuff? I don’t participate myself, but friends of mine have wigs upon wigs and all manner of other accessories, and storage is a huge issue.

      1. Libby*

        Labeling, labeling, labeling. That is key because it makes things easy to find. What I try to do for accessories is keep all the accessories for a costume in a bag with a checklist, that way if I want to wear the costume again I can quickly check to make sure I have all the pieces. For generic accessories (e.g. black tights, white gloves) I keep those in a specific bin. For wigs, each is in its own bag, and on the outside I write who the character/characters are that I can use that wig for. I use those 3-drawer plastic organizers and I sort them by color.

        Make sure there’s a place for everything and everything is in its place. My storage area becomes a disaster after conventions because I tend to just dump my stuff there and say “I’ll get to it later.” Of course later never comes. So after a convention take the time to put things away and note anything that needs to be fixed.

        Also, I go through and purge once a year. I figure out what I’m never going to wear again and either toss it or try to sell it, or if it is something I want to wear again I see if there’s anything that needs to be fixed. That opens up room for more stuff.

    4. ContentWrangler*

      I play a dryad in my LARP and so far I’ve just used cheap eye shadow to make green face designs. Rubs off super easy and hard to do anything elaborate. Any products you can recommend?

      1. Libby*

        I would recommend liquid lipstick, that stuff stays forever on your lips and I use that for face details some time. You can also try a water based make-up paint like Mehron. Make sure you set either with a setting spray.

    6. Weyrwoman*

      Sup, fellow cosplayers :)

      What’s your fave cosplay you’ve made so far? What’s the one you felt went over the best with the con crowd?

      1. Libby*

        Ooh favorite is hard. Probably my Princess Hilda (Legend of Zelda Link Between Worlds) costume because I really loved that game, and it was a purple version of Zelda (purple is my favorite color).

        Best that went over with the con crowd, definitely the Hogwarts Founders with my friends (I was Hufflepuff). We each made costumes using the house color schemes, and had their items that became horcruxes and held banners. We were pretty easily identifiable and had a blast taking pictures with other Harry Potter cosplayers.

    7. Sci Fi IT Girl*

      What’s a good way to start in cosplay, start a project? (I’ve got characters, just absolutely zip experience in sewing, making stuff)

  127. Nonprofit Fundraising/Development*

    I work in nonprofit fundraising as a Director of Development. Happy to answer fundraising or general nonprofit management questions.

    I’m also interested in transitioning to philanthropy. I had 1 phone interview, no other bites. I’ve read a fundraising background can be a detriment in the funder world. Anyone in philanthropy have suggestions on how to get an interview? I’m interested in funding the field and looking at systemic issues to effect change at a more macro level than the individual nonprofit level.

    1. yo*

      So I work in philanthropy, though not on the fundraising side. I know what helps in my particular office is not necessarily the ability to write grants but to speak directly to donors. If you’ve been emphasizing grants, I would switch to emphasizing your ability to raise funds directly, especially from major donors.

      1. Nonprofit Fundraising/Development*

        Thanks for the reply. To clarify, I’m applying for program officer jobs. I’m more interested in working with a portfolio of grantees rather than fundraising for a philanthropy. Is that what you do?

        Good tip to focus on major donor work. I do both grants, contracts, and major donors, so I will bump that up to the top of the bullet points on my resume.

        1. yo*

          It is what I do! I emphasized what experience I had working with the non-profit world as a whole as well as in working with the public from other roles. It also helped that I had experience as a VISTA but that wasn’t required.

          You can emphasize grant writing too for those, but depending on the place, you may not need to write them. Either the fund won’t write grants or another department could handle them. In my case, my dept does handle them so the fact that I had experience there helped me. In general, though, it can be a bit difficult to move from RD to program management so I wouldn’t necessarily make emphasize fundraising ability.

          1. Nonprofit Fundraising/Development*

            The one phone interview I had asked about my experience in grantmaking. I said I’ve primarily worked on the development end, but I have volunteer experience in grantmaking. I’ve served on a committee of our local community foundation for 2 1/2 years, and I previously was on the board of a PAC that raised and distributed $X (both are on my resume). Do you think its worthwhile emphasizing this in my cover letter? Right now my cover letter is more about relationship building and program management, plus why I want to transition from grantee to grantor.

            1. yo*

              I think you should, especially since the current one isn’t getting you a huge amount of hits. If you can fit it, keep a bit about program management but don’t have it be the focus.

            2. Anon for This*

              I am in philanthropy but not as a program officer. Fundraising experience is definitely not considered helpful, IMO, but the community foundation work might and the research. I have seen a greater emphasis on finding people who can look critically and analyze an organization applying for a grant and their program.

    2. anon for this*

      If you’re willing to share – what type of philanthropic orgs are they? A lot of program officer jobs want someone who is an expert in their field. (We just hired a couple before I left my old role at a national grant-maker) and that was the key phrase being used at our office and others we knew.

      If it’s with someplace like a community foundation (large or small) that may not be as important.

      1. Nonprofit Fundraising/Development*

        Mostly smaller progressive advocacy/social change foundations. I have about 10 years’ experience in the field, and I also have a BA and MA from elite institutions and academic research. I put relevant academic presentations and publications on my resume, too.

        Any tips on what stood out when you were considering candidates?

        1. anon for this*

          Starting where you have experience should help you – as does the academic research.
          We ended up hiring the ED from one of our grantees – he had an incredible body of work, both running the org and with advocacy and academic research beyond that.
          Research was big, it showed people knew the field and the issues within it. Being connected to the work was also important. People tend to jump on program officer and other jobs with funders because it’s much more stable – applying for an international program working on health care when you’re a labor expert in the US won’t get you far. It’s one of the areas where the transferable skills aren’t all that matters- you need the subject matter.
          If you can find a way to show that you understand budgeting and what makes an organization healthy and sustainable over the long run that will help too. Most places have an administrative team who review budgets and audits but you should be able to see red flags in their finances if you’re going to suggest someone give them a sum of money to spend.
          The other thing about these jobs – they don’t open up frequently. And when people get into them they stay put because it’s a good deal. (The looks I got when I told people I was leaving the funding side to go back to development were HILARIOUS)

            1. anon for this*

              Hopefully you see this – I’ll stick something in the open thread just in case.
              I missed the day to day involvement with people being affected by the work we did. My old org was a national grantmaker focused on policy and advocacy from a c3 side – no direct services which meant I was two levels away from the sort of boots on the ground, day to day impact I wanted to be involved with. (The org does amazing work – and I like their model of funding things that lead to permanent change…it just wasn’t for me)
              As a result I knew a lot of high level things about the really amazing work these groups were doing but it was all at arm’s length.
              I came back to development where it was and is easier to feel like I’m making a difference on a different level.

  128. Aurion*

    I’d like to get some help on investing!

    I don’t have a problem with budgeting and keeping to a budget since I’m pretty good on self-discipline. But when it comes to managing my money in a bigger sense, I’m lost. My parents know a bit of it, but we speak different languages and my dad is not a good teacher, so trying to talk to him is probably worse than not knowing at all. Anything from the basics like stocks vs mutual funds or whatever, to why you would invest in this over that.

    I’m Canadian, so bonus points for Canadian-specific advice.

    1. KatieKate*

      Check out the blog FIRECracker! They have an early retirement bent but they have a wonderful investment series aimed at Canadians.

    2. NoMoreMrFixit*

      I took an introductory course in finance from a local community college. It explained the basics and optionally offered the chance to write an exam for an additional fee to become licensed to sell investments in Ontario. I didn’t write the exam as I took the course as part of chasing a diploma in Business and I wasn’t a finance major.

    3. Jules the 3rd*

      Suze Ormond’s got good basic advice.

      Basics are:
      Pay off credit cards each month.
      Have an emergency fund in readily available funds (for me, money market account, 1% interest) – 1mo expenses at least, 6mo if you can.
      Put as much as your company matches into a 401K / RRSP (Canada) automatically.
      Put this into a MARKET INDEX FUND (this is stocks) with LOW FEES (under 0.25%; there’s some at 0.1%) and Bonds, with a split of (110 – your age) in the index fund and the rest in bonds.
      After that, look at your short / medium / long term goals (grad degree? house? car?), figure out how much you’ll need and when, try to save for it.
      After *that*, if you want to put money into specific stocks, ok, but be aware that you are gambling. A TFSA (like US’s Roth IRA) is a better diversification option.
      Don’t sweat ‘good debt’ (cars, school loans) too much, though you can save money by getting used cars.

    4. Thistle*

      Canadian here too, and hesitant but recent investor to boot. Honestly, I recommend having a financial advisor, but like a real one, not necessarily the one you have through your bank. I’ve had a lot of comfort with Edward Jones, where they looked at my risk tolerance (so low) and my ethical demands (so high) and ended up giving me a mutual fund portfolio with a heavy ethical slant. They did a pretty good questionnaire to figure it out and everything. The super basics are that stocks have more risks, but can be more profitable, and you get to choose them, while mutual funds are lower risk but lower profit but come pre-bundled for those of us who know what we don’t want, but not what we do. But most of my knowledge is coming from slowly doing it, and reading my monthly statements, and developing opinions. Good luck!

      1. Miss Herring*

        I don’t know if you want to hear this, but I would recommend any advisor that ISN’T from Edward Jones. Edward Jones uses neighborly friendliness and shady business practices to take far more of your money in fees than most other advisors manage. They do more buying and selling in a portfolio than makes sense in order to rack up transaction fees. Their mutual funds also have higher expense ratios. If you want an investment advisor, it is best to go with one who charges you by the hour and will confirm that they have a fiduciary duty toward you (are obligated to act in YOUR best interests alone), not one who takes a cut of your assets. If you must have the latter, at least get one through one of the better regarded places, like Vanguard, Fidelity, and Schwab.

        I know this post ( http://kronstantinople.blogspot.com/p/edward-jones-saga.html ) is old, but on the financial forum I frequent I have seen a lot of people who had similar issues with Edward Jones even in the last year or two.

    5. LeRainDrop*

      This series about investing by JL Collins is widely regarded as an exceptional resource in the personal finance world. It is long, but totally worthwhile to take the time to read and understand. Although it is American-focused, I have heard praise from many Canadians that it was still incredibly helpful to them. Plus, now there are updates, links, and comments on the posts that help to address Canadian differences. http://jlcollinsnh.com/stock-series/

    6. O Canada*

      Canadian here, working in the investment industry for a large mutual fund company. I’m no expert, but here are a few basic things I’ve learned:

      – Know what your financial goals are and how much time you have to get there. Generally, the more time you have, the more risk you can take in investing. Generally, stocks (equities) = more risk, bonds (fixed income) = less risk.
      – Know how much risk you’re willing to take. Many investment companies have free tests that gauge your risk tolerance (e.g. Fidelity)
      – Decide whether you believe in active or passive investing…lol. Lots of debate about this. In general (but not always), active investing = mutual funds, passive investing = ETFs. Managers who actively manage a mutual fund believe that the markets can be beaten through their skills and expertise. Because they put in time, effort and skill into managing a mutual fund, it costs more (i.e. higher MER). Canada is up there in the world when it comes to expensive MERs and has been a sore point for investors for years. In passive investing, people believe that markets cannot be beaten consistently–it is futile–so in simple terms, all you need to do is to just copy what an index–which is a collection of stocks and bonds that represent a market, such as the S&P/TSX–is doing. This is where ETFs typically come in. Because they require less attention by managers since they just copy an index, they cost less (so over time, over the years, you save a lot more money). Many people are entirely against active management and do not believe it works, while others believe that SOME, not all managers, are able to do it. ETFs are growing, and a lot of investor’s money has been flowing out of mutual funds and into ETFs in the past several years. (Personally, I’m a passive investor…shhhhhhh)
      – If you’re a beginner investor, I probably would not buy individual stocks as there’s a chance you might accidentally take on more risk.
      – Not all financial advisors are created equal. If you insist on one, be wary and choose wisely. Some will take your money annually without doing real work on your portfolio. Make sure they have a proper designation like the CFP or RFP. I personally do not have an advisor. I have a TD Direct Investing account and get the TD e-series funds. I’m nowhere close to retirement, so most of my $$ is in equities.
      -If your employer has a group savings plan where they match a certain amount you put in, DO IT. The moment you become eligible, sign up. This is almost like getting free money.

      Blogs that give solid advice in my opinion:
      Garth Turner’s blog “The Greater Fool” (but stay away from the comments)
      Canadian Couch Potato

      Disclaimer (lol sorry, habit): This is all just for your info only and should not be taken as investment advice.

  129. JeanB in NC*

    I have an MLS but have only about 1 year of public library experience, none of which is recent. I’m hoping to look for jobs in the “back office” at a library, like cataloging, acquisitions, collection development, etc. I also recently took a MOOC class on metadata which I found very interesting. Can any of you direct me to any training and/or websites that could help me beef up my resume? Any hints or tips for job hunting would be greatly appreciated!

    1. NotThatGardner*

      i dont know of any training sites, but are you in a position to take part time gigs? that might help you break back into the field and make connections – and often times places like public libraries have more of those positions on offer than full time.

      i also follow a lot of people on twitter in the library-sphere, who often post about jobs and resources, so if you can get on there, there’s a lot!

    2. Salamander*

      I was in your shoes. It’s very frustrating not to be able to find full-time work in the field, and there are a lot of grads providing a lot of competition. People who have full-time positions tend to stay in them until retirement, and they are frequently replaced with part-time staff.

      If you can take a part-time job at an institution that you are interested in, that would be a good start. I started on a Sunday-only position with my local public library, and then was able to get a job at twenty hours a week. Sadly, there were no full-time jobs that were going to be available in the foreseeable future, so I went into another field. I don’t mean to discourage you…but it’s best to work an incremental strategy with libraries. Get your foot in the door first.

    3. Anonchivist*

      Where are you located? Quite a few larger metro areas have temp/staffing agencies which specialize in lib-related placements. They’re often ok with you having minimal experience; one of my placements was cataloging legal texts, and my supervisor literally set my down and taught me MARC cataloging over the course of 2 days. Also, add something to your linkedin headline/title about how you’re openly seeking a position.

    4. cataloger*

      I’m a cataloging/metadata librarian and happy to answer any questions about it.

      I second library twitter; lots of groups do periodic twitter chats, which is a great way to stay informed of current issues in those areas, and to get to know people (we also post jobs there).

      YMMV but I think one thing that helped me get into my first library job was having volunteer experience with online projects. I’d been doing book digitization with PGDP (Project Gutenberg Distributed Proofreaders) so had some practical experience with things like bibliographic searching, copyright clearance, creating documents that validated against a standard, etc. These days there are lots of such projects, like Wikipedia, and especially Wikidata (linked data and sparql queries are all the rage).

      Programming’s another good skill, if you like that kind of thing.

    5. cataloger*

      I’ll mention too that collection development may not be a purely back-office function at many libraries. At the academic library where I work, collection development is often done by subject librarians who also have substantial public services components to their jobs, like subject-specific reference, outreach, and teaching information literacy classes.

  130. CatCat*

    I’m another one who is good at budgeting and personal finance. I loooooooove it and am always educating myself on the topic.

    Also, and this is super niche, but since it took me a while to figure out for myself. Let’s talk if you are on an income driven repayment plan and married in a community property state and trying to keep your monthly payments low (e.g., because you expect to qualify for public service loan forgiveness).

    2. Gina*

      i want all the budgeting and personal finance advice out there! Investing? Aggressive saving? I need all the help.

      1. CatCat*

        I understand the feeling! :) Do you have any specific questions though? Like what is the top personal finance issue for you right now?

          1. CatCat*

            Because your payments are based on adjusted gross income (AGI), you can deploy strategies to reduce your AGI. Pre-tax savings like FSAs, HSAs, 401(k)s (traditional, not Roth), and IRAs (traditional, not Roth) are a great mechanisms to drive down AGI. Every time I get a raise, I divert almost all of the money to a pre-tax savings vehicle (I have not hit the max on these things). I remind myself, on IBR, that 15% of that raise is going to go toward student loan repayments if I add it to my current taxable income.

            You may also be able to impact your AGI by filing taxes as married filing separately. If you are the high income earner in a community property state, because you must split the total income 50/50, when you file separately, your spouse’s income will drives down your AGI. I do this and does cost us some tax savings, but the savings on student loan repayments exceeds what we lose in tax savings. Just to be sure, I prepare our taxes every year both as filing separately and filing jointly and then see where the savings is greatest (hands down, filing separately to keep AGI down has been better every year).

            If you’re the low income earner, being in a community property has the opposite impact of driving your AGI up. In that instance, it can still make sense to file taxes separately, but then submit alternative documentation of income with your loan servicer. This is a Dept. of Education form that allows you to ask that the calculation of the student loan repayment be based on your actual income because your federal tax return does not accurately reflect your personal income (because of the community property split).

            Hope that helps!

  131. HeightsHeifer*

    I think my expertise is already handled by Alison and Suzanne at EvilHRLady. However, I do have a decades worth of awesome book-worthy content, and will happily one-up other HR professionals about their experiences in the field.

      1. HeightsHeifer*

        Some of my top ones include: 1) nepotism hire that was on trial for a horrific assault crime that was put under wraps all the way up the chain of command; 2) employee sleeping with a coworker’s very recently separated brother-in-law that ultimately led to an all-out brawl in the parking lot and police reports; 3) manager providing alcohol to employees after their night shift ended which resulted in a fatality accident; 4) applicant who filled out a paper application and next to “Are you willing to submit to a drug screen?” he wrote “currently dirty”; and 5) outside sales employee takes a position with a competing firm, signs their non-compete, never resigns his position with us, and continues to “work” for both us and the competitor while submitting mileage reports.

  132. Gina*

    Looking for advice:

    On starting a small business, construction-type. Paperwork needed? Things to consider?

    1. Ashley*

      Get certified as a WBE if you want to do any government work. Those programs may also help you get your company started. (Guessing you qualify based on your profile name and pic.)

    2. Emmie*

      If you have partners, put the relationship in a contract including how you would dissolve the business. It’s not planning that your business will fail. It’s about preserving the relationship should either of you decide to go in a different path.

    3. LQ*

      Make sure you consider all the things and if there are any classes (government agencies, nonprofits, chambers) take them, many are free.

      Worker’s comp is expensive. Unemployment. Don’t forget your overhead. Please! Ask for what you’re worth and don’t settle for less.

    4. Bea*

      If it’s a partnership, both need to be involved in the books. Take a class on basic business and understanding financials. (Yes I’ve seen the aftermath of embezzlement. And one where someone lost a million dollars but had to pay back taxes in an audit). If someone trusted in your financials acts like you’re over stepping by digging around and asking questions or combing every bill and statement they’re bad at their job and do not allow them in your books.

      Set up procedures and write them down as you go. Make things simple if you ever need someone to jump on to help if you hit a boom, then you don’t have to do that on the fly it’s hard to find someone who can self teach or as they go.

      Make sure you’re on top of all regulations in your industry. Sign up for any local training options available.

    5. foolofgrace*

      Check out the Small Business Association, or SCORE (“Service Corps of Retired Executives”). Both are free. Sometimes the SBA folks have monthly library sessions.

    6. Natalie*

      Construction often has a lot of specific regulations – payment terms, permits, liens, implied warranty, etc, you’ll want to be familiar with.

      Unless you’re a super whiz at taxes, budget for having a CPA do your taxes for you (a real one, not someone at a storefront that took a short class on filing 1040s).

    8. Miss Herring*

      Construction businesses need to keep track of their separate jobs using job costing. This means that all income and direct expenses need to be broken down by job. If you buy lumber, you don’t just record it as lumber expense, but as lumber expense for job 1234 Wilson Project. Office supplies and your bookkeeper’s wages get job costed to Overhead, but lumber, nails, wages and payroll tax and benefits for your construction workers, nails, and liability insurance all get costed to specific jobs. This is a very important thing to do, even if you do not quickly reach the level where your taxes require it. (Because, when a construction business is large enough, construction jobs it hasn’t finished by year-end do not appear on its taxes! So, if the Wilson job was started in November 2017 and finished in February 2018, all the costs and income from the Wilson job from 2017 get held on the balance sheet until they are reported for the 2018 tax year.)

      Why start this job costing before you must use it? Because it is to your benefit as well as to the government’s. Without good and accurate job costing, you will not be able to get a good idea of what it really costs you to do a job. If you think the costs to do a certain job are lower than what they end up being, you will quote too low for your customers and lose money. If you think a certain job will cost more than it will, you will quote too high and lose business.

      You will want to be very careful choosing a bookkeeping program that can handle this. Only the more expensive versions of Quickbooks do this, not the basic versions. There are even companies that make accounting/bookkeeping/ERP software for JUST the construction industry, but you probably won’t need that for a while.

  133. Oxford Coma*

    I’m unfortunately quite good with difficult/traumatized cats. Post your inappropriate elimination/strange behavior questions here.

    1. Inspector Spacetime*

      Slightly off topic, but is it true that you can grow out of a cat allergy? Or find cats that aren’t necessarily hypo-allergenic, but still don’t really bother you?

      I refuse to let this dream die…

      1. Jules the 3rd*

        Yes, it’s true – I was highly allergic as a kid, barely register as allergic now (30 years later). I also had shots, though, so don’t know if it was ‘treated out of them’ or ‘grow out of them’

      2. Oxford Coma*

        Yes, it can be true, but the multitude of factors involved make it incredibly hard to predict.

      3. Reba*

        Yes! but I don’t think there is a breed or quality you can look for. It’s strictly on a cat-by-cat basis.

    2. Salamander*

      Just wanted to give a high-five to a fellow cat person. I’m the feral cat lady, specializing in FIV+ cats.

    3. epilo*

      My mom has two cats who live in a Manhattan apartment. They rarely interact with people who aren’t her. One of them adjusts well enough to new people, but the other has seen me and my partner visit for several days at a time (sometimes up to a week) two or three times a year for her whole life. She still hisses and swats at us sometimes, even when we’re just sitting on the couch nowhere near her. I’ve always loved and gotten on really well with cats. I’m not sure what to do about her. Any suggestions?

      1. Oxford Coma*

        The amount of time you’re there might not be enough for her personality to get comfortable with you, but there’s not much you can do about that. Do you have pets of your own? If she’s particularly territorial, she may smell them on you, and be reacting to that rather than to just you as a person.

        If she’s generally skittish, there could be something about you that sets her off. For example, my small female flees in terror when my husband clomps around the house in his work boots, but is cuddly when he’s in sneakers or slippers. If you’re just sitting on the couch when she reacts, do you have any habits that could startle her, like constantly fidgeting or something similar?

        1. epilo*

          To answer your questions in reverse order, I’m not aware of habits that could startle her, although I will certainly try to figure out if there is anything I’m doing without realizing it. She is certainly more skittish around men (my partner has a tougher time of it than I do, being a tallish man) than around women.

          You’re probably right about the time just not being enough; we did spend a week cat-sitting for my mom once, staying in the apartment and everything, and by the time we were packing to leave, she realized she was ok with us being there (because we’d been feeding her all week) but a week is too long most of the time. And yes, we do have a small dog, of whom she is definitely not fond. We had tried to introduce him to my mom’s cats back when we first got him; they were about a year old at that point, I think, and I had high hopes that simply have not been realized. So I’m sure smelling him on us has exacerbated her anxiety. Not sure what we can do about it, though – washing clothes will only do so much when he’s all over everything we own. We tried sending my mom home with a blanket covered in his scent so they could get used to it before we first introduced them, but it didn’t seem to help.

          Sigh. I think we’re at the point where we just can’t stay at my mom’s apartment, but it makes it tough even to spend time there, because it’s small and she can basically block our way to, say, the kitchen or bathroom, just by standing in the way. :( I just want to be friends with her.

          1. Oxford Coma*

            Depending on how much time/effort/cash you’re willing to sink into this, you could purchase a few outfits to keep at your mom’s place and only wear there. You’d have to change as soon as you got there and put your doggy-scented clothes in your car. However, that’s a lot of aggravation for a few yearly visits.

            You could also try watching and mimicking your mom’s body language around the cat. For example, does your mom tend to get up and sit down slowly, while you tend to plop into a chair? Does she walk with quick/firm steps, but you lope around loosely? Being able to make your locomotion more like what the cat is used to could help a little. Again, though, this is a lot of work for just a couple of visits.

    4. TheCupcakeCounter*

      I have several cat issues:
      1. 15 YO cat that appears to be bulimic…she will eat so fast and much that she will puke it up. We’ve tried vet recommended foods, lifted dishes, limited and scheduled feedings. It will get better for a bit and then start up again.
      2. Same cat likes to pee on coats. For giggles we think since we have 2 cats and 2 large cat pans that are cleaned daily.
      3. Other cat is a nervous Nelly and pees half in and half out of the cat pan (again, large and clean)

      1. Oxford Coma*

        1. I also have a speed-eater turned puker. The easiest hack I’ve found for this is to place ping-pong balls in the food dish. You just need to slow her down so that her stomach settles, and ping-pong balls are cheap, washable, and too big to swallow. A more complicated way to do this is to buy a food puzzle, which you can find on Amazon. They work well, IME, but are a pain to clean.

        2. “Hang up your coats” is easier said than done, but I’m curious if doing so would make her seek out the coats to continue peeing on them, or if she would pee where the coats had been. Is it the location she wants, or the coats themselves?

        Also, in a multi-cat household your litterboxes should always be n + 1, where n is the number of cats. Two cats = three boxes. This is because cats can be territorial, and having too many for them to “claim” is supposed to break up this type of behavior. (I know finding room for them all is a giant PITA, but what can you do?)

        3. Narrowing down nervous peeing can be a nightmare. Have you observed her doing this? Can you tell if she entering the box and hanging her backside partially out, or standing outside and hanging her backside partially in? If she’s standing outside, could the box wall be too tall for her to enter the box comfortably? Is the first cat hassling/cornering her when she’s in the box? Is the box located near anything that startles her, such as a dryer that buzzes or a heating unit that clicks on? Is she peeing out of the front of the box, or the back? (If she turns away from the room, it’s less likely that she feels unsafe.) Have you changed litter brands to one with a different scent or consistency?

      2. Perse's Mom*

        Also with older cats, if you have a multiple story home or it’s particularly spacious, space the litterboxes out a bit (at *least* one per floor or in different rooms on different sides of the living space). Old kitty bladder may not hold up as well as it used to, so they may literally be unable to get to the box on time and settle for elsewhere.

      3. Damn it, Hardison!*

        For a temporary solution, you can put puppy pee pads on the floor underneath and around the pan to make clean up easier. I have an elderly cat that doesn’t always get the crucial end all the way in the box, and this has made a huge difference (for the humans, she doesn’t care one way or the other).

      4. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        If your Nervous Nelly doesn’t have any major joint issues, a top-entry box can be a good solution. My roommate picked one up back when we lived together because her cat liked to be a Very Dramatic Kicker and would coat half the room in litter. There’s no way to be half-in with that :)

    5. paul*

      My wife’s been traveling a lot lately and it’s freaking her cat out. That cat is a one person cat–we found her in the parking lot of our first apartment when she was probably just weaned. She’s been a one person cat for 13 years now and she is NOT liking that her person is gone so much; lots of yowling and crying. How the hell do I make her calm down so the noise’ll stop? Cat’s OK for a day or so, but after 3 days of my wife not being home the cat’s just…oh god, it’s awful.

      1. Oxford Coma*

        Have your wife wear a soft tee-shirt to bed several nights in a row before leaving, then place the tee-shirt where your cat sleeps. Smelling your wife will comfort the cat while she’s gone. If she’s gone longer, you’ll need stronger scents, so add in socks too.

        Many people also recommend Feliway plug-ins, but I’ve never found them to work. YMMV.

        2. foolofgrace*

          Okay, this sounds weird, but if you’re desperate enough… Here’s the back story: When I moved into a new house my indoor/outdoor cat got lost. I looked all over the new neighborhood for her without success. Someone suggested I put my blanket out on the porch for the scent to lure her back. No dice. In desperation, I peed on a towel and hung it on the porch. She was back in 20 minutes. So if the t-shirt doesn’t work, … well, you get the idea. Sorry if I’m grossing anyone out.

          2. Perse's Mom*

            It makes pretty good sense, really. To the cat it still smells like you (and therefore home), but it’s a much stronger scent so it carries further outside. I’m glad your kitty found her way home again!

        3. Ricky*

          This is from my experience with smaller animals, but I imagine it would transfer over – get some cheap fleece and cut it up and have her wear it around. I did little 3″ squares and would tuck them in my bra. If I recall correctly, there are other people who would put those blankies in a ziploc bag and freeze them, so they could “make” a bunch at once.

    6. Poppy Weasel*

      I have a cat that was rescued off the streets. He was probably a former housecat that got lost or evicted, because he is very, very friendly and wants to be on me about 90% of the time. But every now and then, he will just bite me out of the blue. He tends to wrap his front paws around my arm, sink his teeth in and kick with his back teeth. This can happen when we are both just laying in bed. Any ideas for this? I typically remove him as delicately as I can and then push him off the bed so he can go cool down, and then he’s good for another week or two before he does it again. Is it just pent-up energy that he’s looking to get out?

      1. Oxford Coma*

        It sounds like he wants to play, which is sweet, but he doesn’t understand that he’s hurting you. That’s normal cat-on-cat behavior, so congratulations on being part of his family! He is telling you that he accepts you and wants to “wrestle” with you.

        We curbed this behavior in our developmentally maladjusted male kitten by crying out in exaggerated pain when he did it, but you have to imitate a cat. They don’t interpret human sounds as well. YouTube can help you with this.

        We also have a “stop this right the hell now” sound that we’ve taught him, which is the imitation of a cougar’s growl. I know that sounds nuts, but it’s SO much more effective than a human scolding voice.

        So, first correct him with the “you’re hurting me” sound, then redirect his desire to play with a toy that will let him act on his predator behavior, such as a fishing toy or a laser pointer.

      2. Perse's Mom*

        My cat is usually pretty sedate but every now and then she’ll go on a tear around the apartment that lasts for a couple of minutes. It sounds like your kitty is just taking out this burst of energy on your arm.

        You could find a plushie/stuffed animal that’s about the same size as him and keep it on the bed. He may figure it out right away and exchange your arm for the toy, or you may have to redirect him to him a few times. Perhaps, if he likes catnip, a dash of the ‘nip to encourage his interest.

      4. Susan the BA*

        I had a rescue cat who was super sweet but would get overstimulated, which is not unusual in shelter cats. Sometimes it really was out of the blue, but other times what seemed like sudden behavior was actually precipitated by small signs like unhappy ears. What helped was actually giving her slightly less attention that it seemed like she wanted – basically she wasn’t able to recognize by herself that she’d had enough petting/playing, so I had to build in breaks (physically move away if needed) to let her chill out. After a year or so this behavior pretty much disappeared.

    7. Finance PA*

      I’m not sure if you can help, but if you had any suggestions I’d really appreciate it. We have an old cat (21) who has dementia. She’s a sweet cat who likes affection and being near her humans. During the day, she causes no unusual problems and mostly sleeps. But at night as soon as we go to bed and through portions of the night, she cries like a banshee. She’s always allowed in the room and on the bed but these days she gets confused – she won’t settle at all. If I encourage her to the bed because she doesn’t want to be alone, she comes for a bit but then she gets off, forgets where we are and starts wailing. This happens through the night on repeat. I love her but I am exhausted. Is there anything I can do? Feliway etc don’t help and vets here don’t prescribe calming medication (I’m told they do in the US, but not an option here). I don’t expect a miracle but even if there’s something to decrease it that would be great.

      1. a-no*

        A friend of mine bought cannabis pills for her dog with dementia, we are in Canada and she found some online so maybe that would help?

      2. Perse's Mom*

        Is it possible that her vision is impaired? If the house is very dark at night, she may be panicking because she can’t see; even if she knows where you are, she may be freezing up because she can’t navigate to find you.

        You could try a nightlight, if that wouldn’t disrupt your sleep even further (but it may disrupt it less than the literal caterwauling). Or if you normally close curtains to minimize moonlight or morning sunlight, leave them open to allow in more ambient light.

        It could possibly also be hearing loss? We move around a lot and make noise during our active hours, even when it seems like we’re being very sedentary, but once in bed, the quiet in comparison may be extra unnerving if she can’t hear any movements or breathing, etc.

      3. Oxford Coma*

        I would suggest getting a nightlight for your room, because even though cats have amazing night vision, my experience is that elderly cats get confused more easily in the dark. Is there any chance that she is having mobility issues also? A ramp or set of stairs up to your bed may also help. Even if she is forgetting where you are, easing her mobility to search for you could help her to help herself.

        Another option might be to wear something that could lead her to you, like a wristband with jingle bells on it. You may need to sleep with ear plugs if you do that. If you sleep like the dead and don’t move, that probably won’t help, but I’m assuming that isn’t the case since she’s waking you up.

    8. she was a fast machine*

      This probably isn’t all that strange but we have two cats, one who is over 6 and a relatively chill tortie, and one who is just about a year old and an escape artist lil boy. We feed them dry food twice a day and they each have a bowl, but Shadow(the boy) will pig out on his bowl and then go eat his sister’s leftovers, and she doesn’t care right then but is hungry again in a few minutes. We’ve tried feeding twice, i.e. half a bowl for each at one time and then the other half a little later, but Shadow still pigs out and is getting kinda tubby, meanwhile Patti(tortie) is always begging for more food(though she’s not underweight, she’s healthy for her petite frame). Is there anything we can do other than taking food away from them completely once Patti is finished with her food?

      1. Perse's Mom*

        A friend had cats like this. She had to basically stand guard to give the slower eater time to finish, but she also didn’t wait until the slower one finished every piece of kibble; that cat just never ate as much as the other one.

        You could also look into a food dispensing toy and use that for the energetic cat – the kibble goes into the toy and the cat has to bat it around to ‘knock’ the kibble out, which serves to both slow down how fast he eats and help him burn off some energy. I’ve also seen if you use a wide plate or a rubber mat with a lip and spread the kibble around, it’ll take him longer to vacuum it up than if it’s all confined to a small bowl he can just push his face into.

        Or if you have the space for it, put the slower eater into a separate room and leave her to it for 5-10min. Might need to sit with her the first few times just to reassure her that everything’s okay and encourage her to eat.

        1. she was a fast machine*

          We do try to keep him away from his sister’s bowl while she’s still on the floor and seemingly interested but it’s hard because he is single-minded and when she decides she is done and wants her post-food cuddles you have to sit down with her.

          We looked at those toys, but I’m not sure how to convince him to use them instead of just going and eating Patti’s food. I’ll look into a different bowl, that might work! And we might be able to put Patti in her own room since she is comfortable in my roomate’s room.

      2. Oxford Coma*

        I lock up our slow eater in the living room so she can take as long as she wants, and there’s furniture to lie on if she wants to take breaks. I suggest doing that with Patti.

        Also, slow Shadow down with a food puzzle, or with ping-pong balls in his food. If his brain has enough time to send “full” signals he may start to eat less. If it’s food insecurity, having Patti eating in another room will help because he won’t feel like he’s “competing” and he also won’t have the visual goal of the other food bowl.

        1. she was a fast machine*

          Those are great suggestions; I think we might end up moving Patti’s food to my roomate’s bedroom, where she’s comfortable and the door closes. I honestly think that will help because it doesn’t feel like food insecurity(he’s been with us and well fed for his entire life) but more like “well, there’s food, there’s a bowl, it needs to be eaten”. So we’ll try that and look into what we can do to slow him down. Thank you!

  134. Youth*

    I’m good at getting paid for things that most people don’t get paid for! I have a creative writing degree and got a full-time writing job after graduation. I also did improv comedy for four years as a hobby and got paid for some of my performances.

      1. Youth*

        Great question. It’s something that I’m re-examining as I try to break into the world of freelancing.

        I didn’t have a strategy laid out when I was job-hunting; I kind of flailed about until I found someone who wanted to hire me. However, looking back, there were a few things I did to build my credibility and that probably helped me be more hireable.

        As a teen, I submitted Harry Potter fanfiction to a prestigious moderated site and had a decently successful humor fic up for a few years. I also got an article published on Neopets. When I auditioned for theatrical performances, I wrote my own monologues. These things allowed me to get feedback on my writing. They helped me know what I was good at and what I needed to improve. Which helped me gain the confidence I needed to…

        Start a blog about something I’m an expert in: what it’s like to be a young LDS (Mormon) person. Surprisingly, a lot of people are interested in the topic. I haven’t aggressively marketed the blog so I don’t have a huge following on the web; however, I have a substantial following among the people I actually know. I have ~800 Facebook friends. When I post a link to my blog, one-fifth to one-fourth of my Facebook friends click on it within 48 or so hours.

        Within five months of starting the blog, a classmate contacted me asking if I would write for the college paper “since you have real writing experience.” I did that for a semester, and it led to being offered a couple additional articles in the honors program newsletter. I used those articles as writing samples when I was looking for jobs the following summer.

        The semester before graduation, I also switched from working in fast food to working for an ACT- and SAT-tutoring company. I could spin the job on my resume as a writing-related job (i.e. I’m good enough at writing and English to tutor others for their tests). Also, since some of the tests I was teaching had grammatical portions, I really had to hone my grammar. It came in handy during the skills portion of my interview, where I had to take a copyediting/grammar test, got 100%, and was offered the job on the spot.

        My position originally started out as a part-time position. (It’s a position writing training courses, videos, and job aids.) Most of the assignments were dished out by request from the training supervisors. I worked really hard and got a reputation for having quick and accurate writing, leading to lots of requests for my work. I went the extra mile, even with boring assignments (which I got a LOT of). I never went more than a few days without an assignment of some kind.

        After two years, the company created some full-time writing positions and offered me one of them at a really good salary. Fast-forward another year and a half. Because I’ve built myself up as a valuable asset (and also because I now have a direct manager who advocates for me), I have some leverage to request assignments, offer suggestions, and push back as a “writing expert.”

        There are also some things I’m doing to continue to build my reputation. I still blog on my personal blog. I write articles under my own name at my company’s blog as well. I always want my writing style to be insightful, easy to understand, respectful, entertaining, and as error-free as possible. So whatever I write—whether it’s a Facebook post, a text, my parents’ Christmas card, my grandfather’s obituary, or a letter to the state saying that I give permission for my father to register my new vehicle under my name—it needs to live up to those standards.

        1. Anonchivist*

          I’ve tried to write you long, effusive comments three times now, but the site keeps freezing. So for now, Thank You!!!!

    2. No Mas Pantalones*

      I have a creative writing degree too. I want to go back and kick my younger self and everyone else who said, “Major is something you love; that way, it’s never actually WORK that you do at your job.” Good on ya for turning it into lemonade!

  135. Opalescent Tree Shark*

    A big part of my job is figuring how how to have effective conversations with people (like I literally have psychology researchers come and study the conversations my staff has with clients), so if you would like to know more about that, I can help.

    Also, its not necessarily work related (for most people), but I can also answer all of questions about sharks

    1. Thlayli*

      Are tiger sharks the only ones that hunt and eat each other in the womb? Or do other sharks do that too?

  136. Dopameanie*

    So my husband’s brother just got diagnosed with stage 4 level 4 cancer. He’s got maybe 18 months. He is 42, still has kids at home. My husband is taking it hard. They were estranged for a long time and just reconciled two years ago. I uhhh…..I’m WAY out of my depth here. Anyone with expertise please let me know what to do? Expect? Not do? How to be helpful? How to be a good spouse?

    1. epilo*

      This is only helpful for one specific part of cancer treatment, but when I was in chemo, a friend who had gone through breast cancer brought sandwiches for me and my parents in the hospital a few times, along with activities (think crosswords etc) for me while I was sitting in the hospital bed for hours. INCREDIBLY helpful.

    2. Jules the 3rd*

      Comfort in, dump out – listen to your husband and support him, but have some form of stress relief / support system in place for you too.
      Visit your Brother in law (BIL), but plan to stay at a hotel near him, not at his place. This is a situation that’s worth spending some money on, and you want to not add to BIL’s / BIL’s wife’s workload.
      Ask BIL’s wife if there’s something you can do to help.

      Grief is going to vary a lot from person to person, too, so listen carefully.
      Grief can show in unexpected ways, such as anxiety or irritability. Be extra patient with your husband.
      This kind of situation is probably full of feelings about being not in control, which also drives anxiety. It might be helpful to refresh your administrative stuff, like getting your life insurance and wills up to date.

    3. Not So NewReader*

      Go to the library or book store and pick out one book on grief that resonates with you. Just one book. Actually read it. Learn the symptoms of grief, the stages of grief and all the different things in life we grieve. We grieve illness in ourselves and other people.

      Walking is great for couples, just as a general practice. But couples facing crisis together can really benefit from taking walks together. Sometimes you talk about what is for dinner and sometimes you talk about the meaning of life. Both are of equal value for different reasons.

      The grief book will help you find words for what you see and it may help you to find the unique ways you can help your hubby.
      So very sorry.

  137. SirKeladry*

    I was a military brat growing up (Air Force specifically), and we moved every 2-3 years, including 2 overseas assignments. If you have questions about frequent moves and effects on kids, or anything about that lifestyle, I’m happy to chat about it.

    1. No Name Yet*

      Oooo! Not so much about frequent moves with kids, but just moving in general. We have a 2.5 year old, and are hoping to move this summer (so he’ll be around 3). We’ll be staying in the same geographic area, just moving from a rental house to owning our own. He also will be staying in the same full-time day care. I would love any advice about how to help him plan/adjust or what to keep an eye out for. And maybe less in your bailiwick, but would also love any advice about trying to house hunt or pack with a toddler underfoot.

      1. SirKeladry*

        Sure! My parents had a rule to never say anything negative about a place we were moving in front of us. They would also read us books about moving (Stars for Sarah by Ann Turner or the Berenstain Bears Moving Day for example). Don’t be surprised if he’s sad or acts out due to stress. It helps that he’ll still be in the same care situation, so that’s one less big transition. You will all get through this!

        Could he maybe be involved in decorating his new room? Picking out the paint or wall stickers? Something to help him feel ownership over his own space. I would paint my own room when I got older, and helped my younger brothers paint theirs. Just have him be as involved as you can. Present moving as a normal thing that happens, and talk up the parts that are even special or great.

        We never house-hunted locally, so I’m afraid I don’t have much advice there. My mom would fly out and look for a week with a friend, while my dad stayed behind with us. We did help with unpacking, but more so when we were older. I think there was a room in the new house that we were supposed to stay in, out of the way of the movers, with toys to keep us busy. When it was time to put stuff in that room we went to a different designated room.

        Also! If you have big boxes after the move is done, turn them into a box fort! That was always super fun. We would draw on the box fort too. It helped keep us entertained while our parents tried to put the house in order.

        1. No Name Yet*

          Thanks so much! Those are some great ideas, both general and specific. The idea of decorating his own space hadn’t occurred me to at all, but I think he’s definitely getting old enough that it would be realistic and fun for him. I appreciate the advice!

    2. The New Wanderer*

      Hey me too, exactly the same background. We stopped relocating when I was in high school, and after that I moved every few years for my own work or school until I hit my 30s. Now I’ve been in the same place now for over a decade and … it’s weird. Did you stop moving too, and how did you adjust?

      1. SirKeladry*

        Yeah, it’s weird being in one place! I went off to college and stayed in the area after graduation, so I’ve been in the same state for…10 years now… although I’ve moved around the area a few times. The most interesting thing that I’ve noticed is that I no longer have a clear sense of time. From ages 0-18, I can tell you exactly what trips we went on, when things happened, what year it was, based on the fact that we were living in Germany from 1999-2002, or Texas from 2005-2008. Now, things all tend to mush together. Now, it seems like the years fly by and I don’t have a frame of reference like I used to.

        It still blows my mind that I have been friends with my local friends for going on 10 years now. That seems like an absurd amount of time to me, and kinda makes me antsy to move if I’m being fully honest lol. It just doesn’t seem natural in some way. But it is definitely nice to have a community and roots in a way that I never really had before. The Air Force family is great, and I still keep in touch with many of my old friends, but it’s different to be a regular at restaurants or corner stores. Still not quite used to that part of being in one place.

        How has it been for you?

  138. Libervermis*

    I am good with and happy to answer literally any question about personal finance/budgeting (I love my budget more than is probably healthy), sexual assault crisis intervention (how to support someone, what an exam at the hospital looks like, etc.), and writing (especially academic)

    1. Takver*

      Is sexual assault crisis support something that only experts should volunteer for, or do community members ever do it with or without some training? If it’s not just for experts, how would you recommend getting involved?

      When you’re advocating for someone at the hospital, what are things that hospital staff sometimes do (or don’t do) that you have to intervene in?

      1. Libervermis*

        It’s definitely not limited to the experts, but training is important since you’re interacting with people in very scary and vulnerable situations and should be prepared with tools and practice. The organization I volunteer with has a 50-hour training that includes things like roleplay and shadowing someone. If you search things like “sexual assault + [your location]” you can see what organizations exist in your area to provide services – they’d be the ones to reach out to see about training and volunteering. Crisis intervention is all about the immediate, so you definitely want to do it within a structure that can step in for the longer term.

        The most common thing hospital staff do that I have to intervene in is push for the survivor to do All The Things – full exam, talk to the police, etc. – when the survivor doesn’t want to. Staff are doing it out of genuine concern, because we all want the survivor to be healthy and cared-for and for perpetrators to be caught and punished, but a sexual assault survivor’s trauma has a lot to do with their “no” not being sought or respected. Forcing them to do something puts them right back in that powerless position. My biggest job as an advocate is to empower the survivor to make the decisions, even when they’re decisions I and/or the hospital staff disagree with.

        We sometimes have issues with nurse examiner understaffing or not wanting to come in when they’re on call, so the hospital wants the survivor to go somewhere else or come back in a day or two for their exam. This isn’t super common, but tends to happen when there’s doubt about whether there was an assault because the survivor doesn’t remember a period of time or has certain mental health issues. Then my job is to insist that *someone* care for the survivor and do the exam, if that’s what the survivor wants.

        Thank you for wanting to get involved – it’s really important work, and can be a vital step in helping someone to start healing.

  139. Em from CT*

    I’m self-taught, but I’ve got a lot of experience in (and Opinions about!) preparing for disasters, in particular the kind of preparations individuals can pretty easily make. Curious about making a go-bag (or why you should)? That is a thing I can definitely help with. :)

    I’m a big fan/evangelist for YNAB budgeting software and love to talk about that, if there are any other YNABers out there.

    I’m also pretty good at figuring out ways to dress professionally for women in the workplace if anyone has any questions about what to wear for given environments or how to wear certain items.

    1. Make an assessment.*

      Oh yes!!! Guide me! Here are 3 establishing facts for you: 1) I have a partner and a 4 year old, both in good health with no medical necessities to worry about, thankfully. 2) We live 20-25 miles from a nuclear plant that accidentally sounded its sirens a couple months ago and 3) We can get into heavily wooded cover easily. Go!

    2. CatCat*

      I’m also a YNAB fan! How do you have your categories set up? I’m always intrigued by how people set theirs up #budgetnerd. Do you go with the default or totally customize it?

      1. Libervermis*

        I’m not Em but I also use YNAB – I started with the defaults and then customized like crazy. I have something like 40 categories now. I do really like their general groupings of “fixed necessities” (rent, utilities, internet), “monthly needs” (food, gas), “fun/optional”, and “longer-term savings” (car insurance, [insert goal]). I also tend to separate stuff out, so groceries is different from restaurants is different from household goods.

    3. About My Cat*

      Please tell me what I should be prepared to do with my cat in an emergency! This is my biggest uncertainty.

  140. RA*

    Does anyone need book recommendations? I am strongest at contemporary literary fiction and journalistic nonfiction (you can see my reads and reviews here: https://www.goodreads.com/RAlovesbooks), and I can help you out for books for kids, too! I am not a professional librarian or teacher, just an enthusiast who reads really fast. I’m not well-versed in mystery, thriller, or horror. I might recommend a book I haven’t read yet, but I’ll let you know if that’s the case!

    1. JustAnotherHRPro*

      I am ALWAYS looking for good book recommendations. I am totally going to follow you on good reads (which I keep saying I am going to get back into…according to GR, I have been reading the same book for like 2 years).

      1. RA*

        Yay, let’s be GR friends! And I use GR all the time to figure out recs for other people. I love having my own mini database.

    2. Temperance*

      I’m a huge fan of nonfiction – are there any books that you absolutely loved? I’m going to mine your reviews when I have time, but I love hearing recs from other nonfiction readers.

      1. RA*

        The most recent nonfiction book I LOVED was Drama High, by Michael Sokolove. It’s about Truman High School in Levittown, Pennsylvania, which is a blue-collar town on the decline but has an amazing drama program. They pilot Broadway shows to be condensed/modified for high school staging! They were the first to do Les Mis, Rent, and Spring Awakening. I thought this book would be pretty nostalgic or saccharine about the drama program (the author is a graduate of this high school), but it goes way deeper into exploring class, race, and priorities in education. This book is also the jumping-off point for the new NBC show, Rise, which I am watching but withholding judgment for at least a few episodes.

        And now you will see my basic book recommending MO which is: WAY TOO MANY BOOKS. Anyway! Other nonfiction picks:

        Two-Part Invention, by Madeleine L’Engle (this is her memoir about her 40-year marriage, and yes, it is sad at the end. If you read this and hate it, please don’t tell me, kthxbai!)
        Men We Reaped, by Jesmyn Ward
        Lab Girl, by Hope Jahren
        This is the Story of a Happy Marriage, by Ann Patchett (essays)
        Home Cooking, by Laurie Colwin (essays)
        Half the Sky, by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
        The Fire Next Time, by James Baldwin (an oldie but a MUST READ for adulthood; then follow that up with The Fire This Time, essays edited by Jesmyn Ward)
        March trilogy of graphic novel memoirs by John Lewis
        Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates

        1. Temperance*

          I haven’t heard about Drama High yet – it sounds awesome! The only book I’ve read on your list is the one from Ta-Nehisi Coates. Thanks for all the recs!

    3. RJGM*

      RA, you beat me to it! I posted below offering recs as well. GoodReads link in my name.

      I do read some thriller/horror/mystery, so maybe I can piggyback off this thread? :)

      Actual question for you — how do you read five books at once?! I’ve been struggling with three (one audio + one physical + one ebook).

      1. Temperance*

        I would love some good horror recs! I’ve been out of the game for a while – are there any especially great authors you can rec?

        I read several books at the same time. I use a Kindle with Overdrive, though, which makes it easier. I choose which of my current books I’m in the mood for at the time. It works best for me. I do read a lot of comics and YA, along with nonfiction.

        1. RJGM*

          I rec’d some of these below, but I loved the whole Hannibal Lecter series, basically anything Stephen King touches, The Butterfly Garden (is this horror? more like thriller), and most recently American Psycho. I’ve also been working my way through the story collection The Dark Descent for like two years. It has some really great and some really not-great horror.

          Some of the imagery in American Psycho… *shudder*

          I’ve recently gotten back into YA, if you’ve got anything to recommend back ;)

        2. Tardigrade*

          For a lesser-known author, I can recommend Tananarive Due and her short story collection “Ghost Summer.”

      2. RA*

        Oh, phew, please take on those genre! I am a delicate flower who gets nightmares easily, so I can’t hang with it.

        RE: 5 books at a time – one of those books has been languishing for over a year. Does that really count as still reading? I say so, but still! A big part of simultaneous reading for me is format, as you say. Right now, I have 1 audio, 1 ebook, and a stack of physical books going. But I am very good at compartmentalizing and not getting my books mixed up. I can take a break in the middle of a paragraph, and I don’t need to wait for a chapter break. So I read a lot by mood: what do I want to get into now? And I also end up trucking a pile of books around the house or in the car so I can pick up whatever I want to read at the moment.

        1. Librarygal30*

          I read exceptionally fast, so buying books can get expensive for me. I’m currently reading 4 series, and switching between e-books/Kindle and physical books. Right now, I’m enjoying the Hannah Swensen, Stephanie Plum, and 2 Laura Childs series. Things like that, not too gory, are right up my alley.

          1. RA*

            I rarely buy books and rely on the digital collections at the 2 libraries I have access to! If I had to buy every book I read … I would not read that much!

  141. Wendy Darling*

    I might be able to fix your computer.

    I can definitely help you select new electronic items because I love that. Feel free to ask me to pick you a new printer or something.

    1. MechanicalPencil*

      I would love a new monitor, something in the 30 inch range, and nice dpi. Buttt I don’t want to drop 1k on it. Any thoughts?

      1. Wendy Darling*

        I’m actually shopping for a 4k monitor right now!

        In that general size range you’re probably likelier to find 27″ or 32″ monitors — 30″ is less common and therefore $$$ for some reason. So if you’re cool with 27″ or 32″ that’ll help a lot.

        The next choice is resolution — if you’re going that big I’d go for at least 2560×1440 (QHD) or 3840×2160 (UHD/4k). You miiiight need to do some UI scaling at 4k — it depends how tiny you want your UI. At this point MOST Windows programs respect UI scaling but a few very obviously do not (VLC, for some reason, is a huge offender). If you have mission-critical software with tiny buttons you might want to do some googling and see if people are complaining about UI scaling.

        4K options:
        Dell P2715Q: 27″, Dell makes really nice monitors actually
        LG 27UD68P-B: 27″, Also great. I hate that stand but maybe you don’t or you’re using a monitor arm.
        BenQ PD3200U: 32″, really the only non-$1000 32-inch I could find reviews on. BenQ makes inexpensive but still good monitors.

        QHD Options:
        Dell UltraSharp U2717D: 27″, I am coming at you from this monitor’s 6 year old 24″ predecessor. It is a great monitor.
        HP Z27n 27″, gets great reviews but is out of stock a lot of places right now.

        I don’t think I’d go QHD at 32″. There are some 30″ Dell Ultrasharp QHD monitors that would definitely be good options but I’m having a hard time finding them for sale anywhere — Anything with a model number Dell U30** is probably a decent buy.

        Does any of that help?

      2. Bluetooth headphones*

        Any opinions on bluetooth transmitters/receivers? I want to get a set that I can plug the TV and headphones into so that me or my husband can watch TV without the sound on. I was advised to try a receiver with a headphone jack rather than bluetooth headphones because we like different kinds of headphones.

        2. Wendy Darling*

          btw my super low-fi cheap solution to this problem was a 20-foot headphone extension cable. I tried wireless headphones designed for televisions but I live in a large, crowded apartment complex so there was way too much interference. The extension cable was less than $10 and sounds perfect.

    2. Emmie*

      Ohhh! Thank you! I’d like to get a portable printer for my windows laptop and Ipad. What do you recommend? I ask for portable because I will not store something I’ll use only occasionally in the open.

      1. Wendy Darling*

        I actually don’t know anything about portable printers so I don’t want to recommend a specific one, but a few issues you might want to consider:

        1. How often do you print? If it’s very rarely, does it make sense for you to have a printer? Is there a nearby big box store or copy shop where you could manage your 4x a year printing needs?

        2. What do you print? Do you usually print in color or black and white? If you mostly print in black and white, does it make more sense for you to use a copy/print shop or mail order service for your occasional color printing needs?

        My big concern about a portable printer for only very occasional printing is that as far as I know most portable printers are inkjets, and inkjet ink dries out if you don’t use it fairly regularly. In my household we print MAYBE once a month at the absolute most and when we had an inkjet printer, the expensive ink was dried up like every third print.

        We basically never need to print in color — our output is 99% tickets to things, travel itineraries, and annual tax documents. So we got an inexpensive laser printer, because toner doesn’t go bad if you ignore it for four months, and if I need something done in color I go to a copy shop or use an online printing service. The downside to this solution is that laser printers are typically quite large.

        They’re not portable, but HP did just announce a pair of very small laser printers that you could probably keep in a drawer or a closet and pull out as needed.

        If you do decide you want a portable printer pay particular attention to the technology it uses to print and choose something that isn’t going to dry out if you only use it every few months.

        1. Emmie*

          I appreciate the notes about ink drying up. I didn’t know about that. I need to think about whether it is a good purchase. I can go to my local place, but it is a little drive. :)

          1. Wendy Darling*

            I didn’t know about it until we got like 3 uses out of an inkjet cartridge and it “ran out” of ink, making our three printouts cost like $10 per page. :( Curse you inkjets!

    3. Amber Rose*

      Windows 10 Update Assistant insists on running and trying to install update 16299, but fails every time. I’ve tried over a dozen times without success, and the only suggestion I can find online is to disable Windows Update. Which I did, but it keeps re-enabling itself. Any ideas?

      Alternatively, I want a new monitor for PC gaming without spending all the money.

      1. Wendy Darling*

        Try installing the update manually? You probably want the x64 delta update. Unless your machine is 32-bit, which I suspect you know but if you don’t you can look in “About your PC” under “System Type”.

        I had a problem like this once where an update kind of got jammed and manually installing it fixed me up.

        Re: gaming PC monitor… I actually game almost exclusively on consoles so I don’t know much. :(

    4. anon for this*

      I need a new laptop for personal use – light word processing (cover letters, resumes the odd work from home day) and excel. Mostly reviewing photos for picking which to get printed and internet use.

      My problem is that I don’t want a MAC and after a terrible experience with a solid state drive I’d rather avoid that too. Any suggestions for under $400 that meets those requirements? Bonus points if it isn’t a two in one deal.

      1. Wendy Darling*

        If not for the work from home and excel requirements I might recommend a chromebook but it sounds like that’s probably not the best play for you.

        Here is a review of a $350 laptop with a surprisingly decent screen, reasonably good build quality, good battery life, and specs that will definitely get things done for you. My only concern is the 4gb of RAM… if you work with GIANT spreadsheets or like to have a ton of stuff open at once, that’s going to get a little painful. However, you can upgrade its RAM so if you found it troublesome you could bump it to 8gb with a $33 part, a screwdriver, and 15 minutes.

        I like it because it has an i3, which is helpful for work stuff — a lot of laptops in this range have Pentium or Celeron processors that are kind of gutless if you’re trying to work with Excel.

        I’d actually make the argument that you should want a solid state drive — they’re actually way more reliable than spinning plates because they don’t have moving parts, which is extra-important in laptops because they get jostled way more than desktop computers. I don’t know when you had a bad experience (and if it was 5+ years ago, I’ll say things have improved significantly), but they’re typically fairly reliable. (That said, you should always have backups! My other skill is telling people data loss horror stories until they sign up for a cloud backup service.)

    5. Alston*

      My desktop computer is getting close to the end of it’s life, and my boyfriend is sick of me stealing his laptop. I would like to find a fairly large laptop that will last a while. I watch Netflix send emails, and leave dozens of tabs open at a time. Bonus points if it has the 10 key number pad or folds up like a tablet.

      1. Wendy Darling*

        What’s your budget?

        If money is no object I’d get some configuration of this laptop but it’s definitely a premium product. And no numpad alas, but it does fold up!

        I also dig the Lenovo Yoga series as far as convertible laptops. Look for something in the 15″ range. Numpads are actually pretty rare on non-business laptops, although if that’s super important to you you can probably find something.

    6. Dr. KMnO4*

      I’m a chemistry professor and I’d love to have a computer/tablet that can do PowerPoint-like things but has a decent touch screen that I can write on and project to the class instead of using the chalkboard. I’ve heard that the Microsoft Surface might be good? I’ve seen those laptops that fold both ways, though I wonder about their durability. I really need something that will actually interface with projectors with a minimum amount of effort. I prefer PCs over Apple products, generally because of price, but if an Apple product is the most functional then I could roll with it. Cost isn’t too much of a factor.

      1. Wendy Darling*

        I have a Surface Pro 4 and I am a big fan of it except for the battery life. The new Surface Pros are better for battery but not amazing. The pen is very nice!

        I’ve been auditioning its replacement and have been looking hard at the HP Spectre x360 and Lenovo Yoga 920. Both of those are excellent laptops and I’ve never heard durability complaints about the hinges. They either come with an active pen or there’s one you can buy for $50-60.

        All of these will have at minimum a mini display port (some of them also have HDMI I think). Dongles for whatever kind of cable the projector uses (can be DVI, HDMI, or VGA) can be had for less than $10.

    7. Wendy Darling*

      BTW I’m putting a lot of links in most of my comments so most of them are going to moderation, so if you don’t see an answer hang on a minute?

    8. Slartibartfast*

      What’s your recommendation for a gaming type mouse for smaller female hands? Seems like every one I have tried is awkward to hold on to.

      1. Wendy Darling*

        Unfortunately I really only console game and I have an outright aversion to “gaming” gear (I’ve ripped apart a lot of the electronics in my household and disconnected extraneous LEDs) so I honestly have no idea. I also have giant man hands (like, I’m female but my hands are on the large size of average for a man) so I could not possibly be any less in your demographic. :(

    9. Lib Lady*

      I need to get a Display Port to DVI VGA HDMI converter adapter that works with apple laptops, HP laptops, Chromebooks etc. The connector seems to be different for all the different brands, so is there an adapter plug-in for specific computer ports as well?

      1. Wendy Darling*

        You’re probably going to need several adapters. Can you tell me more about your situation? It sounds like maybe you’re trying to outfit a projector many people will be using, or something like that?

        Apple laptops should all have mini display ports/thunderbolt ports (same shape, thunderbolt is just mini display port with COSMIC POWERS). Windows laptops can be a crapshoot — anything recentish should have either mini display port or an HDMI port, but some older ones have only VGA or DVI (and some obnoxious outliers have mini HDMI, which is the worst).

        The good news is the adapters are pretty cheap, less than $10 each. Brands I know to be reliable include StarTech, Amazon Basics, Bluerigger, and CableMatters, but honestly I’m pretty sure all the brands are made in the same two factories in China so anything that has decent Amazon reviews is probably fine.

        Here is an adapter that will do mini display port to ALL THE THINGS. And here is one for HDMI to ALL THE THINGS. Those should cover most of the connection ground, but they do not include big Display Port. If you need non-mini display port, it’s gonna be a little harder but not that hard.

  142. Jayess*

    I spent three years working for a outdoor gear store, some limited time as a “gear rep,” three summers sea kayak guiding, and 2 years in an outdoor tourism diploma. Some of that happened a while ago, some of that happened more recently, but if you need backpacking/gear/trail running advice, I have a bit to offer!

    I have outfitted many a fine person for the Camino del Santiago, so while I haven’t done it myself, I have some insight into what you should bring.

    1. anon24*

      Ooh…

      I am a huge day hiker. I would love to do a 1 or 2 night overnight trip. I have no overnight gear, because I never camped before. I have no idea what I would need other than a backpack and a way to cook food. What would you recommend for a complete camping beginner for an overnight hike, and do you have any favorite brands/products?

      1. Jayess*

        The basics that you need:
        -backpack
        -shelter
        -sleeping mat
        -sleeping bag
        -method of making food (or a lot of really delicious sandwiches, although they can get heavy!)
        -first aid kit
        -emergency plan

        You can often overnight places that double as day hikes, which is nice for a first time because then you have less to worry about in the way of consequences. Brand-wise, the most important thing is getting things that work for you specifically. A lot of things are made to fit different people. You’ll hear a lot about Osprey backpacks, and they are pretty great, but they’re pricey. When fitting your backpack get an expert to help you out. You’re predominately for comfort in the hip belt – that’s where you’ll be carrying most of the weight. It should be the right length for you as well. If you’re only planning on doing 1-2 night trips in general, you shouldn’t need something bigger than 50 litres. For me, that’s already huge – I can do a 2 night trip out of a 32 litre bag. HOWEVER, the gear that you buy to put into it makes a big difference on how much space you need, as does the measure of comfort that you’re expecting. If you don’t have a lot of money to throw at gear (and it can get quite pricey), expect to have bulkier gear. If you like being comfy, expect your gear to be bulkier again. I have shaken the hand of my absolute comfort limit, and know what I can put up with. I also had pretty good financial deals through working at a gear store.

        The two things that should take up the most space in your backpack are actually going to be your sleeping bag (in theory) and your tent or shelter. If you can learn to make a tarp shelter and be comfortable with that, you can save money and bulk, but there’s a learning curve there, and lack of protection from mosquitoes. Have your local gear expert set the tent up with you in the store. Make sure you’re buying an actual backpacking tent – your local Wal-Mart tent is not going to slice it for reasons that have to do with durability and material of poles, denier of the fabric, design of the tent, blah blah boring blah.

        Sleeping bags come in two main types: down and synthetic. Down is warmer for its size, and usually costs 30% more. Synthetic is bulkier, but cheaper, and will continue to insulate when wet. The gap between the two is shrinking, so I generally recommend a nice synthetic bag good to about -2 degrees celsius for beginners, assuming you’re going to do mostly summer camping. That should be -2 C in the comfort range, not the comfort limit. If your gear expert can’t talk to you about European Norms in bag ratings, go somewhere else. That might be a bit snobby of me, but a comfy night’s sleep makes the difference between “I want to do this again” and “oh god why.”

        This is already long, so if you want me to get more specific on any particular bit, ask again!

        1. anon24*

          Thank you! This is really helpful. If I was going to try to cook my own food, what kind of things should I have? I’ve seen people use camp stoves and such but I don’t really know much about how they work or cooking in the outdoors in general.

          1. Jayess*

            You’ll find that it’s really popular these days to get freeze-dried meals that only need to have hot water added to them. You can get a canister stove for under $100 – a stove that screws into a white gas canister. Many of them, like jetboil’s series, or the MSR windburner or Primus solo, have little tin pots that are part of the system. It usually just takes turning a knob and pressing the igniter/sticking in a lighter to start them, and then you’re about 3 minutes away from enough boiling water for a freeze-dried meal. They’re cheap and user-friendly. However, with a canister stove, you have a couple of downsides: waste (they’re not refillable), higher cost over time for canisters, and elevation/cold. They’re pre-pressurized, so when you’re up high or the temperature drops, their efficacy drops.

            Your other option is a white gas stove, which I really only recommend MSR for that (fight me). Their benefits are: re-usable canisters, more versatile, lower cost long-term. Downsides are: bulkier, bigger learning curve, more expensive at the outset.

            There are other options, too, but you should stick with a stove, as often it is illegal/just generally a bad call to have a fire. There are some GREAT websites for camping food, but anything that is light, dry, re-hydrates quickly and has a high nutrient value is a good choice. See: parboiled rice, rice noodles, egg noodles, couscous, oatmeal.

    2. Instruct Not Destruct*

      Perfect! So my five year old son goes to an outdoor school. He’s outside 90% of his day and they often go one walking trips to ravines and parks where they get muddy and wet and all the fun things kids should do. Here’s the rub, we live in Canada and he’s outside in the snow in super cold weather.

      Do you think real merino wool socks are worth the cost for the extra warmth?

      Also, it’d be nice to get him some hip waders but I can’t find any in his size… any places/stores you’d recommend I look?

      2. Jayess*

        I’m in Canada! Short answer: YES, merino socks are worth the cost for the extra warmth. I wear them almost exclusively for my outdoor pursuits. I heavily rely on Icebreaker socks, because they have a lifetime warranty. I’m not even kidding. Hold on to your receipts, and if you wear through them faster than you’d like (merino is great, but as a natural fabric it does break down faster than ideal), return them to the store. They will replace them. The receipt is literally the only question I would ask for, re: icebreaker socks, and that’s for inventory/processing purposes.

        What region are you in, re: hip waders? That ends up being more of a hunting/fishing store type of thing, but I would expect Cabela’s or BassPro, which have recently forayed up over the border, to have some excellent stock for smaller people.

      3. Jayess*

        Also, I totally understand if you don’t want to answer, but does perhaps your son go to an outdoor school in BC, that perhaps visits a branch of a certain lower mainland library on Wednesdays? Because if so, I can occasionally be found in person at that particular branch, as I work for that system…

        1. Instruct Not Destruct*

          We’re in Ontario – Toronto area. Good to know there are similar programs in BC though!

          Great recommendation on Icebreakers. Where do you get yours?

          I’ve looked at BassPro but couldn’t find anything small enough – though maybe they just aren’t popular enough in our area to stock them?

          1. Jayess*

            Hmm, that could be. MEC would be a good place for IB, or directly from their website. What are you thinking with the hip waders? Are they going into streams quite a bit, or are you thinking as a waterproof/warm layer? I just did a quick check, and our local Cabela’s definitely sells kids’ hip waders, but if you’ve got a specific use in mind, I might know a hack.

    3. Tabby Baltimore*

      Sorry I’m so late, but if you see this, please feel free to respond. My spouse and I are planning to take 5 weeks to hike the Camino during the last week in Aug and all of Sept. We’re taking daily training walks now, and will soon be using increasingly heavy backpacks to get used to the weight. We plan to stay in pilgrim hostels along the way. I’ll take any suggestions you have.

      1. Jayess*

        Your two top concerns are your feet and your back. Spend a little extra on a backpack that fits really, really well and is on the lighter side. Remember that if your backpack starts heavy, it’s only going to get heavier. A superior hip belt – and in this case, I would potentially recommend Osprey packs – is going to transfer your load to your legs, which are already used to carrying you around all day. It makes it easier to carry heavy loads for a longer time. Osprey makes packs that can actually be heat molded for your specific hip shape. That being said, I found that the heat-moulded hip belt was a bit thick for me and made me sweaty, so try things on! Go to a reputable backpacking store for help.

        Feet-wise, look for light hiking boots – not heavy leather with a full shank, but basically a high-top hiking shoe (e.g. – Keen Terradora or Merrell Siren or Moab). It will keep your feet a bit drier in case of mud/water, and give you better support for your ankles. Merino socks for sure – they are essentially magic. They don’t hold onto bacteria, so they don’t get stinky the way other socks do. They help prevent blisters by wicking moisture away, and they only hold so much heat, so they’re good for hot climates as well as cold. I also recommend a pair of Keen hiking sandals. Your feet will get tired and hot from walking so much, so being able to let them air out makes a big difference. A Keen hiking sandal has a toe cap and arch support and a nice thick sole, so it’s like wearing a hiking shoe that lets your tootsies breathe. Other than good backpack and good shoes, you can pretty much go hog wild on what you bring – so long as you remember that you have to carry it!

        Additionally – getting used to walking is good, but your first few days, by all accounts, will be tough. You will also be absolutely astonished at how quickly your body gets used to it. Bring blister care for just in case. I like to carefully lance a blister with a clean needle, clean it up with a sani-wipe, and then cover it with second-skin or blister-specific care, and then use self-adhesive wrap (aka vet wrap) to keep it in place on my foot. Feets be sweaty, and a lot of bandaids will fall off.

  143. RedSonja*

    I’m an animal welfare scientist, and I’m currently working in the laboratory animal field. Any questions about welfare, assessment, or animal research, I’m your woman!

    1. anonimal*

      Do you have any knowledge about tracking animals (GPS, UHF, etc?) For conservation or scientific studies? I’m specifically interested in the technology or where to learn more about it.

      1. RedSonja*

        That’s not one that I’ve worked with, but I will ask some people who have and see if they have any good intro references. Man, that’ll teach me to claim expertise. :)

        1. anonimal*

          Ha no worries, I knew it was a stretch when you mentioned a laboratory but thought it was worth a shot! Thanks for checking!

    2. Daria from Cleveland*

      Dog question: Do dogs really need their teeth brushed daily? And are cow hooves dangerous for teeth? Thanks in advance!

      1. RedSonja*

        Every day is probably excessive, but twice a week or so is a good idea. Maybe more often if you have a dog whose teeth get grody quickly or their bite is uneven. That tends to be the flat-faced dogs and chihuahuas, in my experience.

        Cow hooves *can* cause tooth breakage, just because they’re so hard. They can also get sharp points that slice up their gums, but with supervision they’re probably fine. I never give them because I hate the smell!

        1. Daria from Cleveland*

          Okay, thank you! We have a 1-year-old poodle mix and haven’t yet started brushing his teeth, but plan to soon (yep, same person who asked for anti-procrastination advice!)

  145. Oracle Nerd Extrordinaire*

    I am a class-A Oracle nerd. I’ve spent the last 20 years or so working with Oracle Financials, Projects, and HR. Happy to answer any Oracle questions anyone has!

  146. JustAnotherHRPro*

    Microsoft One-Note. I HATE having applications on my computer I don’t know how to use. Can someone tell me how I can use it at work to be more productive? Organized? Etc. Or is just a waste of machine space?

    If it helps (and isn’t obvious by my name) – I work in HR.

    1. MechanicalPencil*

      I use mine to keep notes on different projects. I work in teapot design, but I handle all the chocolates (milk, dark, white, semi-sweet). Trying to remember what applies to which chocolate gets confusing, so I have a section within my notebook for each chocolate, and then within the notebook, you can add pages. Within those pages, I’ll keep meeting notes, design specs, random thoughts about future designs, whatever.

      You can format your notes like you can in word, add images, whatever. I came from Evernote, but my company uses OneNote strictly. My team also shares a notebook, with each member having a section and then weekly pages are added. Somehow it’s shared over our server, but I’m not totally sure how that works. I can add something to Jane’s pages or add a question in the overall team section.

    2. foolofgrace*

      Three suggestions: One, if you already haven’t done this: When you first launch OneNote, there’s a page or three with instructions. Read them, they’ll set you up for success. Two: Every week or two, make a backup of your OneNote notebook. OneNote at one time was prone to crashing — it’s happened to me. I don’t know whether they’ve fixed this, I heard MS isn’t supporting OneNote any more, but better safe than sorry. When I lost my notebook it was entirely unrecoverable. Three: Think of OneNote like one of those college theme books that have those little dividers. I once wrote a How-To on OneNote and that was the best tip I had for new users. Hope this helps.

    3. Goya de la Mancha*

      Get specific – Multiple Notebooks (I had 12 at last count) with multiple sections, pages, and subs.

      Find feature is great when you’re looking for something you know you’ve added but don’t know where (or just reorganized). It allows you to search a specific area or all notebooks.

      Adding to my smartphone has also made my life easier. I’m able to pull/add information quickly – which makes me more apt to use it and thus makes it a more productive tool for myself personally and professionally.

      1. foolofgrace*

        I’m not clear — are you saying you can put OneNote on your smartphone? or are you talking about a separate product called Multiple Notebooks? Sorry to be so dense.

        1. Goya de la Mancha*

          I have an iphone, so I should clarify because maybe Android doesn’t have it? – but I downloaded the Microsoft OneNote App to my phone.

    4. Damn it, Hardison!*

      My favorite thing about One Note involves meeting notes. I love that I can select Meeting Details from the One Note tool bar and it automatically enters the information about a meeting on to the page so I have all the invite info captured. I also like the tags I can add to items on a page, specifically the To Do tag – I can later use “Find Tags” to show all the To Do tags on the side bar. It took me a while and a few false starts to get used to One Note and now I use it all of the time.

    5. mythopoeia*

      At work, I use it for:
      * Meeting records. I’ll have a “work” notebook, a “tab” in it for meetings, and then I’ll create a page for each new meeting I need to take records of and label it with the date. Makes it super easy to remember who said what when.
      * Pasting random “it might be useful to follow up on this” leads or bits of background information.
      * Doing scratch work for projects–e.g., material I cut from a first draft of something, pasting a bunch of links that I might want to refer to, etc.
      * Running to-do lists. Depending on my workload, I’ll have a tab that’s just “to do” with one page for short-term and one page for long-term. When most or all of the things are done, I add the date they were completed to the page and start a new page. Makes it very easy to see what I have worked on in the past year.

      Where it really shines for me is at home. It’s great for pasting in information about product comparisons when you’re researching something to purchase, or keeping track of postings that expire, like job postings and Craigslist ads. I copy/paste those and never have to frantically track down what that job was I applied for four weeks ago or what that apartment was whose ad has now expired.

  147. Anonchivist*

    Hi all! I’m an early career archivist in a permanent position, and a long time aam lurker. Happy to answer any questions about the field!

  148. purpleparrots*

    So, a quick Control+F here did not yield the thing that I am pretty good at, which is making small talk. I talk to people EVERYWHERE. Networking events, work, in line at Subway, in the elevator, like, you name it, I will strike up a conversation. And I’ve had pretty good luck converting this into contacts in a professional context. I realize that there is a personality component to this, and I can’t really tell you how to become an extrovert, but I hope I can help to at least get the ball rolling if you want to know some of my go-to conversation starters, how to leapfrog from “just chatting” to getting a card/following up, etc.

    1. epilo*

      I would love to learn this. I am an outgoing introvert with just enough social anxiety that I pretty much feel like anytime I “try to network” I screw it up but good. I’d take any tips you have!

      1. purpleparrots*

        I have to admit, social anxiety is not a thing I’ve ever struggled with – I know it’s real, I have mad respect for people that tackle it every day, but I know I just don’t have the skills

        There are a couple of things that I think might help. First, make the conversation about the person you are talking to. I know that sounds dumb and everyone says that, but the truth is, if you ask someone about themselves, you are asking them about a topic that they are the WORLD’S #1 EXPERT about. They will always know the answers, and will feel more comfortable.

        Actually listen to their answers instead of letting your brain race ahead to what you should ask next. This is tough, especially when anxious, but try to listen to understand, not to respond. This has two purposes: first if you’re listening, you don’t have to talk, and second, it keeps your foot out of your mouth. If you don’t listen to the whole answer, your next question is pretty much always going to be based on an assumptions, and there are some assumptions in networking that can get you into an awkward place real fast (eg assuming someone is employed, assuming they are a specific sexual orientation, assuming seniority at work based on age etc.).

        When you do get to ask questions, I like to lead off with “where are you from?” (for conferences where everyone has traveled) or “are you from (current city/state) originally?”(for networking). It’s a neutral topic that doesn’t make an assumptions about where they work, since everyone is from somewhere and will have an answer to this. Plus, it’s an intro that starts of showing you want to know THEM, not what they do and by extension what they can do for you. They’ll normally respond with either “yes, I’m from (suburb of city)” in which case you can bring up something about that area, or “no, I’m from (totally different place)” in which case you can ask what brought them to the current location.

        When you start asking follow up questions, think about 2 things : aspirational over historical, and trailing threads. First, try and ask questions about what people want to do in the future, what plans or goals they have, or even places they want to travel or movies they want to see, instead of things relating to their past. This takes you from superficial small talk to real connection more quickly. Plus, you are going to make a better connection with them if you can align yourself with places they are *going* instead of places they have *been*. If someone professionally thinks of you as a contributor to one of their future goals, they are going to respond to any follow ups in a more constructive way. Some of my favorites are “How do you see yourself developing in your current position in the next year?” “Wow, it sounds like you’re really excited about X Program — do you have any future plans to grow it coming up?” “So, do you have any vacations planned this year?” “What’s on your “to do” list this summer?”

        Second, is this concept that a friend of mine in sales taught me, which is trailing threads. Before you leave that conversation, find a lose end to attach to that gives you a REASON to follow up with that person – preferably related to something happening in the future. For example, if they say they are going to Las Vegas, and you just read an article about it, say “I just read a great article about X restaurant there – have you heard about it? I’ll send it to you — can I grab a card?” or “I’d love to hear more about your idea for (specific future plan) – I think I can help you with X. We should meet for coffee on Wednesday!” Get a business card, and when you can write a note of your trailing thread ON IT. Then follow up. This does a lot of things. 1) Gives you a link to reconnect without being awkward — they are expecting you to email them! 2) Shows you’re accountable and the connection you built is important to you 3) Keeps you connected with a FUTURE plan of theirs, so even if you don’t have coffee, when they go to tackle X of whatever specific project, they’re going to remember that you could help, and want to tug on that trailing thread.

        Last thing in this manifesto, I swear: Good conversation is like ping pong. If the person doesn’t hit the ball back, you are not playing. A good conversation partner should answer your question, and lob one back to you. Answer it, and end with a question for them. If the don’t ask about you, keep “serving” at them by asking more and more questions. Give them a whole lot of chances. I like to play a game to see how many questions in a row I can ask someone before they ask about me. If the score ends up being me asking 10 questions, and them asking zero, then that tells me a whole lot about them as a person, gives me good info about wanting to be a connection of theirs, and tells me what that future relationship will look like (one sided, obviously).

        1. epilo*

          That’s a lot, thank you so much! I’m going to try to keep your ping-pong analogy in my head – that really helps me to understand what the balance should be.

          1. purpleparrots*

            Dang, I just looked at this an it IS a lot — sorry, I’m glad at least one part helped :P

    2. hermit crab*

      How do you *end* a small talk conversation? I’m good at striking up conversations but then I end up awkwardly hanging around the cash register, elevator lobby, etc. as the conversation peters out.

      1. purpleparrots*

        Well, I mean the only conversation that will never end is the one between thunder and lightning, my friend. No one expects you to talk to them forever. Take initiative, be the person to end the conversation at a good point before it peters out and gets awkward — think of it like a bone. When you break a bone, having a “clean break” always heals better than a messy one with jagged edges. I like being the one to break off a conversation, because then you can control “the break” and make it a clean one. This usually means fighting your instincts to keep talking, and terminating things 10-30 seconds before you really thing you’re going to run out of conversation material. In my opinion it’s much better to have a positive end to a small talk (non-consequential) situation before you’ve discussed EVERY (again, non consequential) thought in your brain, than have a weird ending.

        Especially at really casual small talk, I focus on 1) being positive, 2) being clear that I am leaving, and 3) not giving any more information. That last one is important, because if you add more info in there, the person is going to feel the need to respond. Tried and true “We’ll, I’m heading (in/out/over), have a great day!”

    3. Bad Small Talker*

      How do you make small talk with people you’ve met before, but don’t know very well? For example, I see my sister-in-law’s mother a couple times a year at kids’ birthday parties. I don’t know much about her, but we’ve obviously met so the typical get-to-know-you questions feel awkward.

      1. purpleparrots*

        Well, when you think about this, you already have a lot in common that will probably have some “new ground” to cover since the last time you saw this lady — developments of your nieces/nephews, sister-in-law, and your brother. Think of things about them to talk about, even if you’ve discussed it with that person before. For example, swap stories about Junior’s sweet tooth, how your sister in law developed her killer meatloaf recipe, or tell her a funny story about how her daughter/son-in-law tried to build a tree house in third grade. I have relatives whose kids I don’t get to see on a regular basis, so I always love discussions that help me to get to know their history better, or learn what they like/do on a regular basis.

        When it comes to her personally, I’d challenge you to think of questions that literally EVERYONE has to have an answer to. Where are you from, what you do for fun, what you would do if you had an obligation-free afternoon, what was the last movie you enjoyed – pretty much everyone could come up with a non-awkward answer to these. You don’t need to know her life story – it’s called small talk because it is *supposed* to be superficial, but you are going to have a better time of it if you can show genuine interest. If you can nail down like 1-3 of her hobbies or interests, then you have a basis to fall back on the next time you see her. Try not to leave a conversation with her without having one idea of something you could ask her about next time you see her (see “trailing threads,” above). You don’t have to become an expert between interactions — in fact it’s better if you don’t and let her educate you – but if in your daily life you notice something that relates to her, put a post-it on it in your mind to revisit. For example, if she likes to bake, say “I saw cupcakes on Pinterest last week baked with Guinness, have you ever baked with it?”

        1. purpleparrots*

          Just realized I assumed you had a brother not a sister in the beginning – my bad! I have a brother and sort of projected how I’d talk to his mother-in-law onto your question. For reference, she does like to bake.

    4. Oxford Coma*

      I am a misanthropic cave person. (See: cat lady advice below.) Teach me how to [look like I] care about the minutia of strangers’ lives.

      1. purpleparrots*

        1) Work on your physical self-awareness. Eye contact, posture, facial expression and body language are a huge part of showing you are listening, and so if you look slumpy like a scarecrow people are going to assume you are listening as well as a scarecrow would. There are a million different resources out there about listening and body language, but you have to adapt them to yourself and to your situation, which requires awareness first and foremost. (Also, random tip, next time you are listening to a podcast, like really listening, look at a mirror. What does your face look like? Does it look anxious or bored? Do you think that is how you look when you are listening to a person one on one? I hate it when women especially get flack for RBF when that is just their listening face – but they can’t change it until they are aware of it! Be aware!)

        2) The most important of the three above is eye contact. Think about keeping your eyes on their eyes – so when they look up, you are looking at them every time. Also, their eye contact will give you a big clue about how invested they are in the conversation. If they start looking around a lot, it’s time to wrap it up.

        3) There’s a lot of stuff out there about nodding and mm-hmming and it is important in keeping a conversation blooming. If you need to work on timing, and appropriate responses on that, maybe listen to Oprah’s Super Soul Podcast or watch videos of her interview because she is a MASTER active listener/responder. She has like a preternatural ability to know when an “mmhmm” is right and when to jump in with a question, and what to ask. Seriously, Oprah, man.

        4) If you are really, really struggling just to like compute the words that someone is saying, imagine you are making a bullet pointed list of their thoughts. Not only will this get you to listen so you can summarize a point, it will also get you thinking about if this is a new point, or a sub-point of something previous, or a sub point of a sub point. That mental game usually carries me through and helps me at least get through a conversation about a topic I have NO interest in. Also, you may not care about the widgets person A is talking about — however, if the NEXT person you talk to is also talking about widgets, you a. have some background info or b. can say “have you met Person A? I was just talking to them about this!” and get the heck out of that boring conversation in redux.

        5) Put your phone on airplane mode if you are networking. Just do it.

    1. JustAnotherHRPro*

      recruiting and sourcing jobs are something that can ALWAYS be done completely remote. I would suggest going to a board called “flex jobs”. it has a monthly fee – but you can filter by jobs that are 100% remote.

    2. Emmie*

      I work remotely 100% of the time with 10-15% travel. I found my job by accident on Indeed, and manage remote employees. I recommend:
      * Looking at top companies with remote workers list. They skew heavy in tech and education in my experience. The tech companies have non-tech positions like finance, HR, etc…. Then apply on the company’s career sites.
      * Build your skill set. Be excellent at your job. This matters to help you stand out. Also, you may not have one on one help to improve your skills in a remote position. This is the most important skill to me.
      * Don’t just apply for a job to have one. Make sure you want to do the work.
      * If you can work remotely one to two days per week now, do it. It is a helpful fact if someone has experience with remote, and independent work. The lack of this experience should not disqualify you, but it is certainly helpful.
      * Show, and practice doing work independently. Volunteer for projects where you’ll never see coworkers face-to-face.
      * Practice raising your hand for help. It’s hard to see when a person is struggling in a remote position like where the workload is too heavy.
      * Remember that location independent work may come with a schedule in another time zone. You may also be familiar with Visa laws; however, a company in one country may not sponsor work visas, or approve employees working in another country. There may be additional considerations such as subjecting your company to the new European General Data Protection Regulation or other country’s labor laws. (Those laws are out of my expertise.)

  150. Let me google that for you*

    I’m really good at finding things online that are difficult to track down. My favorite examples were finding the plans to build an obscure sailboat with just a picture of the boat and finding the contact info for a guy my friend met on the metro with only his first name, the stop where he got on, and the stop where he got off. Need help finding something? I love a challenge.

    1. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

      I am looking for a half-whiteboard/half-cork with a business card holder. Small enough to fit outside an office door. It will be used for messages and leaving items (on the cork board). The half/cord, half whiteboards are easy to find. Finding one with a built-in business card holder is the tricky part.

      1. Let me google that for you*

        Do you mean something you could slide a single business card into as a way of identifying your office, or something that can hold a stack of business cards for people to take?

    2. ContentWrangler*

      A nice-looking, preferably leather or quality pleather, fanny pack. My mom had one ages ago, misplaced it, and talks about it all the time. She’s looked now but it’s become a chic designer thing and the easily found leather fanny packs cost hundreds of dollars.

        1. ContentWrangler*

          I’ve never been much of an etsy person, so I hadn’t thought of looking there – thanks!

    4. Ricky*

      A synthetic-ish track jacket, greek, with a yellow Legend of Zelda logo on the back? I’ve found it a couple places online but never anywhere I could actually still buy one. (Men’s small, maybe medium if that’s all there is.)

      (This is so interesting.)

    5. valc2323*

      I am looking for an item that Walmart sold in 2007 and called a “small kitchen strainer” but no longer has. It is the BEST EVER litterbox scoop. 4″ plastic handle, 6″ metal handle stem, 4″ x 4″ metal scoop. The scoop is probably 3/8″ mesh, rounded on the handle end with about 1″ depth, and flat on the opposite edge. Like the plastic scoops they sell at the pet store for litterboxes, but screen mesh instead of vertical slits only, a smaller scoop end, and durable. Similar to something you would use to take food out of the fryer with. I have one now, but if it ever gets broken or lost, I can’t replace it!

  151. TheITCrowd*

    I am an IT manager with over 15 years as a systems engineer before that. I am happy to answer any It related questions.

    1. Emmie*

      Any tips for regular maintenance I should do on my windows laptop, and Ipad? Do you have favorite anti-viral system? I wonder if you have a favorite browser for protecting your information. (I’ve heard of Duck Duck Go.)

      1. TheITCrowd*

        Being up to date on Windows security patches it the bess thing you can do for security and optimization of your computer. The issue with browsers that “protect” your information is they also tend to block features that you do want to use such as commenting. I just use Chrome it’s fast and feature packed. You are he best tool for security. Be careful where you browse. When you go to the ATM do you you check your surroundings? Do the same when you bank online. Make sure your site is SSL protected and that you typed in the address yourself do not use links. As far as AV software Cylance is the best but its not cheap:
        https://www.cylance.com/en_us/products/our-products/homeedition.html

      2. Annie Moose*

        DuckDuckGo is a search engine, not a web browser. It’s basically Google, but without saving/tracking your data.

    2. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

      Know of any MPE jobs, especially in Alabama or where someone could work remotely? I used to be *extremely* good at MPE but I am a bit rusty now. MPE is HP’s proprietary OS which ran on HP3000 computers. HP discontinued it about 10 years ago.

  152. Yep, me again*

    So this isn’t so much a skills question, but I have no one else to really talk to so I thought I would just post this here. If I can find it in the thread I can reply but I’m never able to and chances are no one else would see it.

    I am in sales but want to move to a more acct management position. In January my company was bought and I was laid off. It happened fast, as in that day.
    I have been looking these past two months and I’ve had 4 interviews. I have one job offer and someone else who told me I’m their top pick (they also told me they like to interview a lot of people. I suspect I’m a top pick in this round of interviews, not so much top pick overall).

    This job offer is a step backwards in terms of being hourly, not salaried. It’s also a 2k less than my prior position. There’s some commission but it’s not much, at most 300 a month. Not buyin’ diamonds with a salary like that. It’s also in a place I’ve been to and will probably have bad allergies/sinus issues given the location.

    What really makes me want to put on the brakes is they told me their pto policy-none for the first 6 months except one floating holiday and then its prorated. One year=1 week, two years=2 weeks and 3 years=3 weeks until you get to 10 years. At my last employer I had unlimited, before that 160 hours and before that 144 hours. I don’t plan to use it (never really did) but damn! 20 hours between nov to april and then one lousy week? Seems antiquated but I also hear a lot of the talk from them as in ‘making margins’, and their benefits is tiered so the more you make, the higher your premium will be.

    A secondary issue for me is the tenure, which to some may sound silly and I understand. People being there a long time means the company values them and is a good company. In my experience though, the people who were the shortest in temperament from positions past have been the longest tenured employees there. Sure, it could be me in this case, but I feel like people who work for other employers have a lot of experience and some of the edges knocked off of them from working with different groups/types of people.

    Also, as I side note, I wonder about the man I’m replacing. I’m told he handed in his resignation because his wife got promoted and they are moving. However, the manager and his colleagues let me know his performance was really disappointing and he missed deadlines. It could be just him, or it could have been something completely different like lack of training or just one oppt missed and therefore everything was bad. Who knows?

    As for my hesitation, it’s not really helped by past experience I guess. I’m afraid if I reject this job offer that:
    1. People will wonder what’s wrong with me.
    2. I won’t be able to get another job again or worse, I’ll have to take a job that lower down the rung than this. And if I run out of my long term savings I won’t have a choice and I’ll be more miserable than I would have been if I took this job.

    I don’t want to accept this job and then back out of it if another offer comes in. I don’t want to reject this job if I can’t find anything else. I know the economy is supposed to be better and all, but I’ve not seen it personally in myself. I went from 57k one year to 50k the next and I keep sliding downward. I don’t know that talking to people in my circle will help because they will all say the same things, shrug, and say ‘well, you need to do what’s best’, which when you don’t know what that is is kinda not helpful. I don’t know that posting here will be much better, but I thought maybe with so many other people here, someone may have experience in this, or at least point out some other questions I hadn’t considered. (Also, already considered advancement opportunities: seems like the people at this office wait a while, like 5 years. Or stay in the same job for 33 years.)

    1. foolofgrace*

      Tough spot. Two things, and keep in mind I don’t know what I’m talking about: You said “I don’t want to accept this job”. Maybe listen to this (I know, you also said “I don’t want to reject this job”). Other thing: and I’m not sure Alison would agree, and I don’t know how much savings you have, but… suppose you take this job, because everybody’s gotta eat, and you get another offer in a few weeks, then you could take the new offer and maybe in the future you could just leave this job off your resume? Alison says that short gaps are no big deal if you’re not a job hopper. I say to leave it off because you probably wouldn’t get a good reference from them, judging from how you describe them. Like I said, take it with a grain of salt. Best of luck to you, I know how it feels to be out of work for a long long while.

      1. Yep, me again*

        I wasn’t a ‘job hopper’ until 2017. I was at a job 3 and a half years and restructuring left me laid off. The position I landed was a good company but a boss who yelled and sexually harassed me as soon as she hired me (never had a boss like her before). And this was a layoff.

  153. Ken Adams*

    I’m a certified translator and I also teach Spanish to foreign students.

    I have a question for Europeans and/or North Americans. I may have the opportunity to get a visa for 1 year, and I’d like to work abroad as a Spanish teacher, but I’m not sure if I’d be able to do so since I don’t actually have a degree related to education. I’m planning on getting certified in my country (a 4 month course, about 130 hours), but would this be enough to work abroad during that year?

    I know being a school teacher has stricter requirements in most countries, but I work with adults so I’d be mainly looking into working for language schools.

    1. Inspector Spacetime*

      I’m not sure if you’re talking about teaching in the US/Europe or other countries?

      I’m an American, who looked quite hard into the teaching-English abroad thing. You can teach in places like Asia or South America with just a certification, but in most cases in America you will need a degree in education to teach. The one exception is private schools. They can hire whoever they want, so I’ve known a few people who have been hired to teach languages without education degrees. Good luck!

    2. Jessica*

      I have some experience with hiring international people at the college level in the U.S. Can you tell us what degrees you do have and what they are in?

      1. Ken Adams*

        Hi! I have a degree in Translation which is a 4-year university degree (we don’t have minors/majors). I’m planning on doing a 4-month course focused on teaching Spanish as a foreign language, which is the best SFL course available where I live.

    3. Traveling Teacher*

      If you’re interesting in working with adults/language schools in Europe, requirements are much less stringent for teaching adults as long as you are a native speaker of the language you want to teach and do in fact have a degree of some kind. If you have real-world business experience and want to teach business language classes, for example, you stand a good chance of being hired by a language school and can also charge a nice rate for private lessons, as well (I have several friends who do this and don’t have a teaching degree but do have 1- a certification and 2-a business degree or masters + real-world experience). Check for non-compete clauses in language school contracts if you do want to do both, though!

      You should do is get your CV in with every university and language school you can find with the area you’re moving to/would like to move to. Often, they hire for contract positions at the last minute or due to unexpected early mat leave needs, etc. Once you get your foot in the door with one place, you’ll find that people are often looking to trade positions/actively looking for people to replace them so that they can take a different position. It’s not steady work, and I’d recommend having some solid savings in case it doesn’t work out to full time hours, but it’s definitely do-able.

      Also, network like crazy before you go. My first year teaching abroad, I put an ad up on my country’s version of Craigslist, and I was amazed at how many current teachers contacted me to see if they could pass a student along (often because they were moving or had gotten a FT position or just because it was an awkward time of day for them).

      1. Ken Adams*

        This is great, thank you!

        I do have a degree in translation, and I’ve worked mainly with legal, financial and medical translations. I’m planning on getting a certification next semester, but I wasn’t sure if it’d be too useful. I’m not too worried about not working many hours at first, since in order to get a visa I’d have to prove that I have enough funds to support myself the first few months.

        Did you look for a job before going abroad? Or do you usually have to already be there in order to be considered?

  154. jfpbookworm*

    Legal researcher and investigator here. If you’ve got questions about how to track down hard to find information, especially from the U.S. federal and state governments, I might be able to help. Or if you have questions about board game design or to-do lists, I could probably field those too.

      1. jfpbookworm*

        If you know (or can guess) where the marriage license was issued, I’d contact the local department of vital statistics. Note that there are typically restrictions on who can obtain a certificate, though.

      2. Annie Moose*

        If you just want the actual information (the names of the people involved, the date, etc.) and you know the county, many counties provide this information free online. Unfortunately there’s no central directory that I know of; you have to go to each county’s site independently.

  155. Gretta*

    Does anyone have any good resources for OSHA compliance? We are opening a business and would love to know what the basics are as far as procedures we should have in place. All I know is that we need MSDS for all of the chemicals in the building and beyond that I have no idea where to start.

    1. AR*

      OSHA itself has a lot of good knowledge on it. I have also used JJ Keller Online for safety related items. Also your state should have a workers compensation or labor and industries website that should have good resources as well. If you are in Washington state, they have a lot of information on theirs.

    2. Amber Rose*

      There are safety training companies that might be a good start for you. It’s not usually too expensive for a one day course on safety basics.

      Other than that, a safety program at its core is usually made up of: emergency response procedures (fire drills, what if the building explodes, that kind of thing), the appropriate safety equipment and schedules for maintaining them (so, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, first aid kits, that kind of thing, and a schedule of when to check or replace them), and procedures for incidents (what to do if someone gets hurt on the job.) If you have chemicals and SDS’s on site, everyone should have WHMIS training. If you’re shipping hazardous chemicals, someone should have TDG training.

      Source: I have been building our safety program from bare bones for three years. We have official government certification for our safety program, which you probably don’t need right away. Small disclaimer: I am Canadian. But we deal with American sellers of hazardous materials/have a US office and it seems pretty similar.

      There should be a government publication or website that you can dig into. I know our Code/Regulation/Act handbook is dry as hell and hard to read, but once you learn how to navigate it, everything you need to know is there.

  156. Leela*

    I don’t know if “expertise” is the right word because i’m still somewhat junior but I’m female and work in games, and I’m a 3D/Special Effects artist. Let me know if you have any questions and I’ll answer to the best of my ability!

    1. Morning Glory*

      I’ve always been curious what the intersection is between artistry and coding/programming when it comes to games, or CGI in general.
      Do you handle the art part in a program, and then a game programmer will work on commands for a character or thing’s actions? Do you have to collaborate closely?

      1. Leela*

        “Games artist” is a huge umbrella term, and depending on the role you have (or even within one role, how many people you have to do different jobs), you might be all art, all coding, or anywhere in between.

        I handle the art as far as building out 3D models, making textures in photoshop, and setting up the effects in our game engine. I also do a fair amount of visual programming (just in case you’re not familiar, instead of writing out blocks of code in letters, we have boxes that mean certain things, so I can drag in a “pan” function instead of writing code that pans a texture up, down, left, right, etc).

        When it comes to combining art with a game action, like say putting one of my effects on to a character which is a huge part of my job, the code is usually handled by our gameplay programmer. We work very closely together, but have a smaller team than some studios would so I’m not sure if that’s uniform. It should be though; having two people work on the same outcome should definitely mean they’re working together but it doesn’t always. I’m unconvinced that I’d program it as well but I know enough programming to know if the thing I want our actual programmer to do is doable, or doable AND worth it. It helps me be mindful of how I design the look of something. I’m also lucky that our gameplay programmer does a fair amount of art in his spare time so he’s got a good understanding of why I need what I need also. I know not all game artists are that lucky!

    2. Tardigrade*

      I realize that creating games takes years (yeah?), so are you dedicated to one game at a time or do you work on several?

      1. Leela*

        For most people this depends on the studio and project, but in my case, I’m focused on one project because we’re rolling something out soon. A lot of people will get shuffled around from game to game though, especially if you’re someone like, say, a concept artist. There will come a point where all the concept art for a given title is done, and you’ll get moved to a different project while that game goes through production. It’s also common that the studio you work for just doesn’t need what you do at this stage in the game and they have nothing else coming up so you’ll have to move studios and not just titles within a studio.

        Making a game often *should* take years, but most studios are beholden to someone who demands a certain deadline (the publishers want it out before Christmas, the CEO doesn’t want to have to release a statement that the game’s release is pushed back, etc), so most games that get released are whatever was the best version of what you had by the deadline. Most games are not “done” and are just released when your studio is told you have to release, regardless of challenges that should REALLY be pushing back the deadline (you were forced to use a new engine that didn’t work for your game, half your team got laid off, you get into production and realize that your main mechanics just aren’t as fun they seemed in the design stage, etc). A huge part of production of a game is figuring out what you can slash and still get something viable out by whenever you’re forced to release. If a game feels like it’s missing something, or there are easily-caught bugs like clipping through the world, this is often why. Same reason for why a lot of people in the industry are pulling ridiculous, nascent-stage Microsoft-like hours and why there’s so much burnout. There was a great article recently about Telltale studios and burnout. It calls Telltale out specifically (for other reasons) but what they say about Telltale would probably sound familiar to game devs at any major studio.

        https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/20/17130056/telltale-games-developer-layoffs-toxic-video-game-industry

        1. Tardigrade*

          Oh wow, I always assumed development was a couple years because of the lag between releases (like c’mon Bethesda, I don’t want 80 different version of Skyrim. I want a new Elder Scrolls game!). That said, I would so much rather wait and get something amazing from a development team who are treated well and inspired to do what they do. I think that’s why I better appreciate games like Journey because it seems like those folks are inspired to do something different and break away from the more popular action titles.

        2. T3k*

          As someone also within the video game industry (production side) this is pretty much spot on. Thing is, it’s the same way for MMO games (basically, released with no end in sight) we’re still pushed to get things out, even if it’s just half-baked. I was at a well known, large company and the artists didn’t get moved around too often (more often it was producers who got moved to other projects). The one expectation is the mythical unicorn artist: the one who has such a niche skill set every project wants them so they’re given a set amount of time on each (say, 3 months here, then next 3 months on another project and so forth).

  158. Jay Bee*

    I’m an event planner for a Non Profit. I’ve done galas, golf outings, runs/walks, dinners, young professionals groups, luncheons, whatever it is. Happy to answer any questions about project management, dealing with donors and committees, or event production.

    As a side business, I help High School students prepare their college applications so they are the best applicant possible.

    Ask away if I can help!

    1. Temperance*

      I’m a member of a Young Friends group for a nonprofit, and I’ve been trying so hard to get people interested/more active, but everyone is too timid or something. Is there anything you recommend to get people pumped? It’s a great org with a wonderful mission – helping kids who have been abused or neglected! – but the rest of the group is just not stepping up.

      1. Jay Bee*

        Couple of questions here! Are you the leader of the group? Is there someone from the nonprofit who is supposed to be leading?

        1. Temperance*

          Someone from the nonprofit is leading. I’m the member with the most experience and the org encourages me to step up (and I love it!).

          1. Jay Bee*

            I would reach out to the members of your group personally and try to set up a phone call. Ask them what they’re looking for out of the group, if they were more invested previously, why have things slowed down? Are the kinds of events/activities you do of interest to the group? Do they feel updated by the organization and know the kind of impact they’re making?

            You can talk to the staff member from the non profit, they might have some insight as well, but people always feel very valued and appreciated when they are sought out personally, as opposed to asking the group’s opinion.

            You might need some fresh faces, or a revamp of what kind of events you’re hosting, or find out there’s a new project that people want to take on.

            Especially in your case, maybe your fellow group members don’t feel like they have the training/know the right things to say to work with kids in this way? Maybe there’s a piece missing blocking from getting them involved, and helping to figure out the next step would be helpful!

  159. Jules the 3rd*

    Supply chain MBA, BA Econ – familiar with Excel, SQL.
    Also good with Google Maps – we went to Paris last summer, and I made a map with a variety of places to go / things to see. You can see it in the link.

  160. Shishimai*

    I’m a penetration tester with 5 years’ experience. Hit me up with your web application and API security questions, and I’ll point you to the best resources I know. General information security/opsec questions are fine, too – what I don’t know, I can find.

    1. Shishimai*

      Oh! And in the edge case: wanna chat about classical Japanese literature, learning kanji, or practicing/learning Japanese outside of Japan? I have many years of experience in my (hobbyist) specialty. ;)

    2. I Love JavaScript*

      Where can I go to learn more about opsec? I’m a full stack developer with an appalling lack of knowledge in that space. I know about hashing + salting passwords and requiring tokens/cookies for authentication, but that’s about it.

      1. Shishimai*

        That’s a good start! It’s amazing how many systems there are out there that have known dangerous authentication patterns, or store their passwords with insufficient protection. It sounds like you’re asking about enterprise operations rather than personal opsec, so I slanted the recommendations that way.

        If you’re not already familiar with them, OWASP (dot org) has some amazing cheat sheets, most of which have linked resources Wiki-style to direct you to even more resources. They’re not only a good introductory source, but an excellent way to refresh yourself as you learn and work on this. (Also, they make one of my favorite – and free! – testing tools, ZAP.)

        While I haven’t read it myself, the Defensive Security Handbook has a reputation for being a good basic introduction – it covers a lot of topics, and what isn’t covered in depth, there’s writing available online.

        For blogs, I can’t recommend Schneier on Security and Krebs on Security enough – both of them write in engaging and accessible style about current events, and you can glean a lot looking at Krebs’ breakdowns of various hacks as well as from Schneier’s examination of policy problems.

    3. Tau*

      This is super cool and useful, thanks!

      …can you help me understand CORS, in particular what sort of settings a server should/shouldn’t have? I’ve tangled with it quite a bit recently but have never really understood what it’s doing (…browser-based attempt to prevent cross-site request forgery??) and have the horrible feeling our current settings expose security vulnerabilities.

      1. Shishimai*

        CORS is interesting stuff. And good for you paying attention to that horrible feeling.

        >>(…browser-based attempt to prevent cross-site request forgery??)<<
        Yes, exactly!

        Your browser's same-origin policy (SOP) normally prevents a site from loading content that doesn't share its origin. But, says the web developer, I want to use this cool thing someone else made! And that's entirely reasonable.

        SOP cares about not only top-level domain, but url scheme and port number (so, http: something can't call from ftp: something and vice versa, and site:80 also shouldn't be able to call from site:443, and so on.) You can tell the browser to make the request all day, but unless the website specifically allows it by using CORS to tell the browser it's okay, most just won't send the cross-origin request at all.

        A lot of modern websites want to include cross-origin content, whether that's coming from cdn.yoursite to http://www.yoursite, or whether it's an ad network trying to serve you the latest sales pitch. You can see this happening: open up Chrome and Ctrl+Shift+I for Developer Tools. Click the Network tab and there's a button that says XHR. That stands for XMLHttpRequest, which is one of the usual methods for cross-origin requests (Fetch being the other). Twitter is a good example to check out, as it makes a ton of cross-origin requests in the process of loading your timeline. (AAM doesn't make any XHR calls, so is interesting to look at as an example of everything actually being at the same origin.)

        CORS lets the developer make an end run around SOP, in order to load remote resources in a (relatively) secure way. There's a caveat here: you really need to trust the thing you're pulling content /from./ If you don't trust it, or you don't want your user to be able to access the thing you're retrieving, XHR calls may be a poor choice.

        Failures here tend to come from things like a trusted ad network serving a malicious ad – someone compromised the cross-origin content, which the site served up as designed. CORS itself doesn't do anything to prevent that, and even CORS preflight, in which the browser sends an OPTIONS request to find out what methods it's allowed to request, and/or provides a Host and/or Origin header to tell the cross-origin server where the request originated, doesn't really do anything to protect the cross-origin content. (The reason behind that is that the headers and requests are still coming from the user's browser, and thus can't be trusted. I'm happy to get into why that is, but this is already long!)

        You can do some things to make it harder to compromise. If you can authenticate your requests (usually by a cookie) it can help – in that case, the calling server authenticates itself to the cross-origin server without the user's browser being involved at all, so the trust relationship is different. Because you control the calling server, you can (generally) trust its actions.*

        The particulars of setting that up will depend on the web server you're using, and also how much you care about the cross-origin content. If you make XHR calls to retrieve something trivial, it might not matter as much as if you're storing something confidential or personally identifying – and I can't know from here what you're doing.

        *assuming there's not some other flaw present.

        …er, does that help at all? If you've still got questions, I'm happy to try to answer them.

  161. Louisa*

    I would love to know more about running interesting and useful workshop and conference sessions. Every so often I have to help organise a small conference or workshop, and I always try and avoid powerpoint presentations where possible (because speakers in our field tend to default to “wall of text” mode) or panel discussions unless I know we have a really good moderator. We’ve had some good world cafe sessions, and “serious games” on particular topics, but does anyone have any killer format recommendations for more participatory ways to run sessions, either for presenting new information, information sharing, or brainstorming particular topics?

    1. Library Land*

      You may already be doing this, but as a reminder to everyone, please think about accessibility – force presenters to use microphones if you have to (tape it to them if all else fails), offer a wide range of dietary needs, have interpreters as needed, think about the spaces you’re using and what obstacles a person with limited range of motion, crutches, wheelchairs, etc. might face. Think about timing, do participants have enough time to get places, use the restrooms, etc. Ask your participants if they need any accommodations.

      1. Louisa*

        Thanks, that’s a really good point! Accessibility was a theme of one of our workshops a couple of years ago, and gave us a lot to think about (especially since they are held in a country where accessibility is not yet legally required, and few venues are fully accessible). But I don’t remember issues around timing and toilet access are being raised, and they are really worth considering.

    2. Teach*

      Google around for some conversation protocols or formats that instructional coaches in schools use. ORID is a questioning strategy I use a lot, for example. It will depend on what your goals are – share experiences? Glean info objectively from text? Come to consensus? I’ve watched our coaches use protocols to get at all those things!

  162. epilo*

    I’m a singer, and while I’m not a professional (most of the time) I have about 15 years of vocal training, 17 years of a cappella experience, 25 years of choral singing experience, and a whole lot of other random things. I won’t know the answer to everything, but I can probably help a little!

    1. Inspector Spacetime*

      I’ve always wanted to know if singing is something that can be taught, or if you need at least some modicum of natural talent. Asking for a friend… hahaha

      1. epilo*

        Singing can absolutely be taught! Obviously there are certain things about a person’s voice that will never change that much (unless they are one of those extra-skilled chimeras) but strength, control, breath support, tonal quality, and more can be learned.

        Finding the right voice teacher is crucial; so much of singing is hard to control directly (unlike, say, training your fingers to play the right chords on a guitar, it’s much harder to identify how to move your diaphragm or open your vocal cords) so finding someone who explains things in a way that works for you is incredibly important.

        I’ve had four voice teachers, and they all gave me important things; my current voice teacher not only teaches me how to do things, but what is happening anatomically, which works really well for me. Many voice teachers work primarily in metaphors; some teach in a much more kinesthetic way. Finding the right teacher for your learning style (which may take some trial and error) will make a huge difference in your confidence and progress.

        Don’t give up on singing! I think it’s one of the most wonderful things we can do.

    2. fposte*

      Any tips for maintaining voice as I age? I find I lose it really fast the seasons I’m not singing these days.

      1. epilo*

        That’s something that I’ve been concerned about too! I’m still pretty young (think: a few years before I supposedly reach “vocal maturity”) but I’ve sung with people twice my age for the last decade. The most important thing is to be gentle with your voice, but to always keep exercising it. If you were a cyclist, you wouldn’t be surprised that riding in the spring is so much harder if you’ve stayed off the bike all winter. Singing is similar. When you’re not rehearsing regularly, try to find excuses to sing to yourself. I love to sing in the shower (who doesn’t?) because not only does sound reflecting off the tile make me feel really good about my voice, but the steam is good for relaxing your muscles and loosening up your whole throat. The key is not to overstress your voice if you can help it, but just keep it limber. Try to warm up your whole range once in a while – don’t want to lose those high or low notes (whichever are most important to you).

        I’m going to defer anything more specific to aging to people who have experienced or worked with that – all that is still in my future, and I don’t want to pretend expertise to something I haven’t had to learn to work with yet.

        But don’t give up hope – there are people with lovely, strong voices who are well past retirement age in my chorus.

    3. Aurion*

      I’ve always been curious: how the heck do you assign a vocal “range”?

      I have the lowest-pitch singing voice of any woman I know; it gets a little muddy at lower notes, but my “high” notes are probably what most women consider their “normal” voices. Assuming most male singers of pop music are tenors, I’d guess I’m at least an alto since I can match their pitch (and sometimes lower the pitch if they’re going for chest voices and falsetto). That said, when I adjust pitch I can never quite tell if I’m singing in a different key or if I drop an entire octave. The last music lesson I had was in high school and that was…many years ago. :)

      If there’s a way to figure out my vocal range at home and roughly assign a “role” (alto, contraalto, whatever), that would be cool!

      1. epilo*

        Ah, yes, range is an interesting one! Singing voices are so variable from one person to a next that determining a voice part can be based on a few factors.

        Absolute range is definitely one of them. For instance, a standard “Soprano 1” voice (the highest standard choral range) is roughly from a middle C to a high A above the treble staff. But tonal quality, aka timbre (pronounced “TAM-ber”), is also a factor. I know a woman with an incredibly large range: she goes down to a low D below middle C without any difficulty, and can sing as high as many Sop 1s. She tends to sing Alto 2 in my chorus because her tone is darker than the tone of most sopranos.

        If you’re singing in the tenor range, you’d likely be considered a Contralto, which is the lowest choral range for a woman. The gender normativity in vocal ranges can be frustrating – we have a man in our chorus with a beautiful high range; he is considered a “countertenor” but is singing in an alto range. So you’re not wrong to be confused – it’s all pretty complicated!

        I’m curious how you would describe your voice – or what kind of music you’re usually singing along to. Different kinds of music have different classifications, so I’d love to give you the most useful term for what you love to sing. And if you could describe a specific example of when you’ve “adjusted pitch” but not been sure how far you’ve gone, I could maybe help with that too.

        1. Aurion*

          Yeah, I can belt higher notes if I really push it, but it’s hard on my voice, doesn’t have as much support, and tends to sound a little shrill. My lower notes are a lot fuller and resonant in my throat/chest, even if it gets a little muddy at the very lowest end of my range. :) So I probably do have a “darker” timbre.

          I tend to listen to pop songs because they’re easy and catchy and simple to sing. Examples off the top of my head:

          Charlie Puth’s “How Long” – I can match pitch with him in the chorus, but that’s on the higher side of what I’m comfortable with without belting/pushing it, and I naturally want to drop the chorus an (what I think is) an octave.

          Similarly, Howie Day’s “Collide” – same thing, drop an octave.

          And I can match Josh Groban’s version of “You Raise Me Up” quite comfortably, though I’d change the key to be a little lower at the chorus–my voice doesn’t soar as easily. While I can match his first verse I can also change the key to go a little bit (not an octave) lower, though it gets a little muddy if I lower it.

          I may come back later tonight with more videos of male singers whose voices I can match. :)

          1. Aurion*

            I should clarify: with “Collide”, when I sing the chorus, I can match pitch, change the key a little bit to be more comfortable, but when I drop a full (at least I think it’s a full) octave, I can sing the whole chorus but that’s coming pretty close to as low as my voice can go (at least my current dehydrated, not warmed up voice XD).

          2. epilo*

            I’m willing to bet that you have a low Alto voice, although I’m definitely interested in hearing more examples of songs that fit your range if you want to share them!

            1. Aurion*

              I’ll report back later tonight with more links! Some of the songs I’m thinking of aren’t in English which makes searching for them at work a bit of a pain. :)

              Thanks again, this was a great help! (And because of this I got to googling for choirs in my city and found a pop choir group that I am now really interested in. :D)

                1. Aurion*

                  So, more songs:

                  Carbon Leaf, The War Was in Colour – I can match, easily. The vibration of his voice sounds like mine.

                  Phil Chang, Qu Zhong Ren San – I can also match pitch, easily (in fact I think my voice on the lower notes are more…husky than his? His voice is clearer, I have more vibration).

                  Westlife, Beautiful World – I can match pitch on both lead singers (even on the bridge), but this is on the upper end of my natural voice and I don’t have the vibrato/resonance of my lower register.

                2. Aurion*

                  Just wanted to say I did just post links to songs I can sing, though since the topic is so huge and Allison is busy it might take her a bit to release the post from moderation.

                  Thank you again for all your help (and any further insights you might have)!

              2. Rookie Manager*

                Sorry to but in, but, there are apps that will help you work out your range (I can sing the low D to high A mentioned earlier) and what part that alligns with. However having a session or two with a vocal coach would help you identify where your range naturally sits and check you are using all 3 ‘chambers’ or voices. I know someone (who now lectures in vocal studies) who always sang alto/tenor as she could sing low but when she got serious about singing it turned out she is actually a soprano- and a very good one at that!

                1. Aurion*

                  Ooh, do you have any app names that I can look into?

                  And if I get into this choir, I hear the director is a pretty accomplished vocal coach who can help with that. :D

              3. epilo*

                For some reason I can’t reply to your latest posts, so I’m putting this here. I listened to the other music you posted (thanks for introducing me to so many new artists!) and it definitely sounds like you have a low alto range. I want to echo what Rookie Manager says below, too, and encourage you to try having a session or two with a voice teacher or vocal coach who can really help you pinpoint where your voice sits. It can be good to know what is and isn’t a stretch for you, vocally, because otherwise you’re likely to experience a lot more vocal fatigue and difficulties over time. Not to scare you! Just to encourage you to consider it. :)

    4. Extra Vitamins*

      I am missing a section of range right near where you switch up to falsetto. Is there some way to train or something to make those notes? I really just sing in the car, btw.

      1. epilo*

        There is! I’ve been working on that part of my range a lot recently. I’m going to tell you what has been working for me in the hopes that some of it may be useful; I am not a vocal teacher, nor would I want to suggest things without watching you sing and hearing your voice, in case they don’t work for you. But describing my process of exploration may help.

        I have a high soprano voice, and I’ve always struggled with the transition between my “chest” voice and my “head” voice (probably the same as what you mean by “falsetto”; there are a million terms for vocal ranges). There’s a bunch of notes between the two that have never felt very good: not nearly as strong as my chest voice, but not as clear as my head voice. Just kinda nowheresville.

        I was singing along with Sia’s “Chandelier” at a karaoke night with friends a year or so ago, and realized that not only did it fall in that weird range, I happened to be singing those notes extremely well. I went to my voice teacher and asked her what was going on there, and she explained a bunch about how different parts of your voice mix together at different parts of your range. What I had been *trying* to do was sing those in-between notes as either my chest or my head voices, when in fact I’m strongest if I’m bringing the two together on them.

        I’ve been trying to turn this into a conscious process ever since, and what I’ve found helpful (other than singing “Chandelier” a truly ridiculous number of times, man is that a good song) is finding other songs that lean on that part of my range, and listening to the people who sing them well whose voices are somewhat similar to mine. Another example, again just from my experience, was discovering that the lead in the Original Broadway Cast recording of Waitress, Jessie Mueller, uses that part of her voice really effectively. I’ve listened to her, tried to emulate her tone, and gotten a much better sense of how to make myself sound stronger on those tough notes.

        So my advice is to find songs that have sections in the hard part of your range, and really listen to how the singer is singing them, especially if it doesn’t sound like a straight belt or falsetto. Listen to how their tone changes, and do a lot of experimenting with yourself (this is really good for singing in the car – I do all kinds of ridiculous things with my voice when I’m driving) to figure out if there’s a song or two that you can tap into to bring those notes into your voice in a stronger way. And then keep experimenting and finding new songs, and it should get easier over time. That’s what I’m counting on, anyway!

        And hey, if it seems like those notes are just really quiet, that is okay too! Some of the best, most memorable singers have been those with voices that do something you don’t quite expect. A lot of pop singers and singer/songwriters, in particular, really lean on their break and go back and forth between belt and falsetto as an artistic choice – and it sounds really cool.

      2. Dee*

        Yeah, as epilo said, pretty much everyone has that spot, called the “passagio,” so it sounds exactly like what it is — the passage between your chest voice and head voice. Don’t try to push your way through with force. Force usually means tension, and that’s almost always a bad idea in singing. Try changing the shape of your mouth (vowel modification), or mixing registers (again, like epilo said). And some of it is really like strengthening a muscle.

    5. Peanut*

      I would love to start singing in a non professional a capella group. I don’t think there’s one in the area I moved to, so I’ve been thinking of starting one. (Yes, I just watched Pitch Perfect for the first time.) BUT I have no a capella experience at all.

      How would I start? How do the songs get arranged? Is there popular a capella sheet music I can buy/borrow? What happens if someone who can’t carry a tune at all wants to join?!

      1. epilo*

        These are all excellent questions! And yay a cappella. :)

        I’m assuming you’ve already googled “a cappella (town/area you live in)” without luck, so you’re probably right you’d have to start one. There are some shortcuts for getting up on your feet, although they can end up costing a little money – so just be aware of that.

        Some questions you want to figure out answers to, if you haven’t already, are:
        What kind of music do you want to sing? (pop, rock, jazz, musical theatre, r&b, barbershop, etc etc – or pick a few! I was in a pop/jazz a cappella group in college)
        What is the composition of your group, ideally? Is it a small group, one person on each part? Are you thinking of a co-ed group, or are you going to limit it by vocal range? Will the music you sing need vocal percussion? Do you envision your group doing lots of choreography? The answers to these questions will tell you a lot about what kinds of singers you want to recruit.
        Finally, how intense do you want the group to be? I’ve been in groups that ranged from semi-professional, rehearsing a minimum of 3 times a week, to groups that basically just existed to get together to sing once in a while. This is really important to figure out, and make sure that everyone who joins understands how much time and effort is expected of them. We’re going to come back to this in a minute.

        Now let’s talk about music! This is a fun one, and also the part that potentially might cost some money at the outset. You can pick out parts by ear, if you’re good at that, although not everyone in your group may be comfortable learning without sheet music. If you want sheet music, but are not comfortable arranging (it took me 15 years to get comfortable with arranging – not that you shouldn’t be! Just that it’s ok if you’re not) you can buy a cappella arrangements of some songs online, or find people who will arrange songs for you for a fee. There is also free sheet music online in various locations, at varying levels of quality and usefulness – but if you want to start with a handful of repertoire ready to go, I’d expect to pay some money for it. An alternative? Try to recruit people first, and see if any of them is either a) interested in arranging or b) from an a cappella background, in which case they may have arrangements from old groups that you can learn. That’s where a group I’m in has gotten most of its music. There may be an online repository of music somewhere – not something I’m aware of, but it’s certainly possible!

        To answer your final question, I’m going to go back to what I was saying about the intensity level of your group. Most a cappella groups hold auditions. You don’t have to – but if you don’t, you’ll have to figure out what to do if someone wants to join who can’t hold a part the way you want them to. An interesting thing to note is that if you hold auditions, you’re likely to get a different quality of musicians than if you don’t. Personally, as an experienced singer and musician, I am uninterested in being in a group that doesn’t audition new singers. But it’s ok to be more inclusive, if that’s what you’re envisioning.

        Once you have a critical mass of people in your group, the other reason to audition new singers is to see if/how their voice fits with the rest of your sound. I imagine they talk about blend in Pitch Perfect sometimes? Blend is basically how well voices fit together to sound like a seamless whole. You can be astonished at how well disparate vocal qualities can blend, but you want to make sure before you put them in the same group. This answer is already super long, so I’m going to let you reply if you want a basic outline for an a cappella audition, or any other information.

        Hope this helps!

        1. Peanut*

          Thank you sooo much for all of this. Great questions for me to think about!!!

          I’m torn on auditions. On the one hand, I totally understand what you mean about getting a different caliber of singer with auditions. I have just enough of a music background (string instruments, not voice) that I will be driven crazy by very out-of-tune singers. On the other hand, I’d be doing this so I can participate, and the reality is that I don’t think I would make it into an audition-only group myself. :(

          1. epilo*

            You can have auditions without having to have an extremely high standard for everyone who’s in the group. If you screen mainly for peoples’ ability to stay on pitch and blend with other voices, you won’t be limiting your field too much (and I’m sure you’d be able to get into that group too!). Starting out is a lot harder than when you have a group of people to match new singers to – I’m trying to figure that part out myself, right now.

            Maybe get a hold of some music you like and think isn’t going to be too hard to learn, and then advertise (craigslist, any facebook groups for singing groups or colleges in the area, community centers, that kind of thing) and get people together to try learning the song together, and see who you end up attracting? I’d love to hear how this whole thing goes for you – and if I have any brilliant successes in finding people for my group, I’ll let you know how they happened!

    6. Oxford Coma*

      I have about 8 years of vocal training and experience, but it’s all classical/choral. A few friends and I have been noodling around with a garage band for fun, but my voice sounds RIDICULOUS because of the way I was taught. Do you have any advice for un-learning choral voice training, to try to sing in a rock style?

      1. Oxford Coma*

        ETA to add that I was a Soprano I back then, and I’m pretty sure I’m an Alto of some type now. My range has dropped quite significantly; I’d compare it to Miley Cyrus.

        1. epilo*

          Yeah, this is something I’ve also had to figure out! What’s worked best for me, other than finding a voice teacher who could help me learn to use my voice in a more versatile way, has been to just listen to and try to imitate lots of different singers. When I want to sound like a classically-trained singer (but not an opera singer) I try to sound like Audra MacDonald. When I want to sound like a pop singer/songwriter, I try to sound more like Sara Bareilles. Don’t do anything that hurts (that’s something I learned the hard way) but play around. Get in the shower or in a car or somewhere you are alone and can hear your voice reflected back at you (recording on your computer might help but I don’t know how good the mic quality is for that) and just try things. Ridiculous things. Try going for as much vibrato as you can, and then change it up and go full straight tone. Talk-sing through a song you want to be able to sing with a more rock tone. Play the music loudly so that you can’t hear yourself sing along, and then try singing the same thing without the song playing and see what you get.

          Many things that I have learned from my choral training are still valuable in a rock setting – things like breath control, or being aware of my voice alongside other parts, or knowing how to get *really quiet* as well as REALLY LOUD if I need to. Based on your description, I’m guessing you’re looking for a harder tone, and maybe less vibrato? I’d say try singing along with a pop singer who doesn’t really have much vibrato (Sting comes to mind but I’m sure there are better examples) and just see what you can do with their songs.

          And remember, there are plenty of rock singers who have atypical “rock” voices. I discovered recently that I really like singing No Doubt songs karaoke, because Gwen Stefani has a big vibrato for punk rock. Amy Lee, of Evanescence, doesn’t belt the way a lot of pop stars do but is still the lead singer of a very successful band. Freddie Mercury collaborated with opera stars. David Bowie’s voice was entirely unclassifiable. It’s ok to have your own sound – but it’s also fun to experiment in order to find it.

    7. Weyrwoman*

      If I can match Idina Menzel in “Defying Gravity”, except for the very highest notes she hits, what’s my vocal range? Also, tips for vocal training that can be done on my own?

      1. epilo*

        Hi! That’s a fun song, isn’t it? I’d say you probably have a belter range. Musical theatre tends to classify treble voices as soprano or mezzo/belter. Whether you identify as a mezzo or a belter depends as much on your tone and production (belting being a specific sound and technique) as your range.

        Vocal training can mean different things, depending on what you’re hoping to train. Breathing exercises can help with breath control (“breathe in for 8 beats, then release on a “ssss” as long as you can” kind of thing). Something that helps me when I’m squeezing my high notes because I’m anxious about how high they are is to just run my tongue back and forth along the back of my bottom teeth to loosen it up, so it lets my throat open. Some people find it really helpful, when something is causing them difficulties, to use hand gestures to help imagine the sound coming out through the top of their head instead of their mouth.

        A lot of my vocal training these days is about trying to relax and not working too hard. My voice teacher recently told me that in the end, all we can do is control the breath. The sound will take care of itself if we keep the breath moving forward at a consistent rate and keep our tongues relaxed. Did you know your tongue goes all the way down your throat to your vocal tract? If the insides of bodies doesn’t gross you out, go look at some pictures and diagrams. It’s weird stuff!

        Finally, you don’t want to feel like you’re shouting when you sing. It’s hard for me to avoid when I’m trying to belt, but it will just wear your voice you more quickly. See if you can get the power you want by pulling in your abs when you need volume, basically giving the air a little boost, instead of straining your vocal cords. I’d also look around on youtube for videos – there are probably some that aren’t useful, but I know there’s some good vocal technique out there for free, and hearing someone talk about and demonstrate it is much better than reading it. Good luck! :D

        (ps if you’re ever in Boston and want to do Defying Gravity karaoke sometime, hit me up!)

        1. Weyrwoman*

          Omg thank you. I love everything about Wicked :)

          My voice tends to crack/skip/not slide up when I try to stay on top of those higher ends in Defying Gravity; anything you’d recommend for fixing that?

          I’ve had some theatre training, so I’m pretty good on the diaphragm and not shouting things.

          And if you’re ever in Atlanta, same offer applies :P

          1. Dee*

            Not everyone can be Idina Menzel. In fact almost no one can be Idina Menzel. :-)

            But try to get rid of any tension in your throat. You can’t squeeze those notes out, because that will just cut off the breath and hurt the vibration of the vocal cords. You have to have breath out the wazoo. Maybe try focusing the resonance — bring the sound forward so it really buzzes in your sinuses, even if it sounds nasal and stupid. Once you learn how it feels, you can work on making it sound less stupid.

            1. epilo*

              Good call on bringing the resonance forward. Also, I’m really glad to have another singer on here checking what I’m writing – I definitely don’t want to give bad advice that ends up hurting someone. :(

              1. Dee*

                Yeah, I think the problem comes when you try to model off people who are either singing badly and will eventually hurt their voices permanently, or who have some kind of production assistance to sound the way they do.

                (And I hope I didn’t rain on your parade, or steal your thunder, or whatever other weather-related metaphor you can think of.)

                1. epilo*

                  Yeah, it’s really crucial to find the right people – even good singers whose voices are completely different from yours can be less than helpful. I love Bernadette Peters but her voice is very different from mine, and trying to imitate her style doesn’t work for me at all.

                  (and no worries, weather or otherwise) :)

          2. epilo*

            Do you mean like the bit towards the end when Idina goes “I’m flying high, deFYYYYing gravity”? A few things that help me are:
            swinging my arms up and open as I go for the note, which helps me to relax and open up
            letting the “aaaay” turn into more of an “aaaaah” so it’s more like “deFAAAAAhing gravity” but honestly nobody can tell, it just opens up the tone
            this is a spot where as soon as I open for “fyyyy” I’d run my tongue back and forth along the back of my bottom teeth to relax it
            maybe try sliding up very very slowly to that note at no particular volume and see how it goes, then try increasing the speed if it’s working better that way
            just wiggling my arms and torso around a bit can make it easier to hit higher notes

            And there’s no shame in popping into your head voice for a high note if you need to. :) If something’s just not working, better to sing it the way that you can sing it comfortably than to hurt yourself trying to be someone else. (I have to remind myself of this regularly)

    8. rsadelle*

      I love singing. I really, really want to take some voice lessons, but it’s just not in my budget right now. Being able to hit specific notes would be cool, but my biggest interest is in learning the physical mechanics of singing so I can (a) sing for a long time, (b) hold notes, and (c) not hurt myself/my vocal chords. I’ve done yoga for about 15 years and I took belly dance classes for several years, so I’m familiar with the concepts of focusing on my breath, learning to isolate muscles, and paying attention to what I’m doing with my body. Are the basic mechanics of singing something I could learn via YouTube videos or is it something where I would be much better off with an in-person teacher? Are the very basic basics something I could learn in a (relatively) small number of lessons if I could save up the money for that?

    1. Emmie*

      I’d love to get better at using color. What tips do you have? Any tutorials?
      Also, do you let your moisturizer, and primer dry before you go onto the next make up step?

      2. NoGhosting*

        Color in relation to eye shadows? A lot of it depends on what your level of comfort is. I really love working with burgundy and browns, light pinks go great with those. It also could depend on what your eye color is? For the moisturizer and primer, I don’t let mine dry so to speak but you have to make sure that you don’t have too much product on your face. A pea size amount is really all you need and the rest is more about even placement. But it doesn’t have to be completely dry before you proceed. It might actually help you blend in your foundation too if it is a little bit wetter so to speak.

      3. Emmie*

        I’ve heard the pea portion before. It works well with moisturizer, but not so much with primer or foundation. I keep wondering: do I have an abnormally large face or something?! But, I should try better at the portion size for foundation and primer.

        1. NoGhosting*

          Sometimes the pea size doesn’t work depending on the consistency of the product. So long as you don’t feel its over0-saturating your face you can use more, I wouldn’t go bigger than a nickel.

    2. Temperance*

      Is there a trick to finding a good foundation? I’m very pale but have red patches on my skin/acne, and I look sick without foundation, but I hate the cakey feeling of heavy foundation.

      1. Poppy Weasel*

        Check out Fenty foundation. I’m also pale, but tend to be splotchy. Fenty feels so light!

      2. ADB_BWG*

        Posted my own thread – but adding here:Seeking advice: Make up gurus! I have bags (swelling) with pale skin and then the deep blue grooves underneath. I’m fair with pink undertones and everything I try still leaves the blue grooves. I’ve tried following make up videos and all sorts of products short of marching to a make up counter (and which one to try?). Suggestions for products / techniques / videos? (age 54, post-menopause, slightly overweight – but always had these bags)

        1. Reba*

          Have you tried peachy-toned color correctors like Benefit’s Boing or Becca Backlight? They look a bit nuts but they really work on undereye circles.

          1. ADB_BWG*

            I’ve tried LA Girl pro.conceal in peach (probably best one but doesn’t cover enough), NYX dark circle concealer in fair, and Maybelline Age Rewind Eraser Dark Circles in Fair. Maybe I don’t put on a think enough layer? I’ve put Elf hydrating undereye primer on top of eye cream as a base, then concealer, then foundation, then Elf sheer undereye powder to “bake”.

            1. Reba*

              Yeah, so all of those products are a realistic skin tone color, that are intended to _cover up_ the circles. You want to try a product that is NOT the color you want to end up with, but rather a color that will, according to color theory, _cancel out_ or neutralize the blue tones. That is why it needs an orange tone for blue, as they are complementary colors. If your dark circles are severe and truly blue, you need something that is truly orange! If they are more purple, something that tends yellower. Then you cover that up with a skin tone color product, i.e. your foundation.

              Thick layers on the thin, wrinkly eye skin are hard to do! So I’d recommend trying a different product rather than more product.

        2. NoGhosting*

          I suggest getting an eye cream that says it firms. Keep in mind, the more you spend eye cream wise the better it will work in most cases, however spending $100 is absolutely not necessary as it will work just as good as any $50 cream.
          For dark circles under eyes a red color corrector (can be found in color correcting palettes at beauty stores) before concealer will help to disguise the dark. Warning though, it will look super alarming at first.
          Make sure when you apply products to your under-eye that you are gently patting the products into place. This is the case for creams to color correctors to concealer. Especially for bags under eyes it can sometimes make things worse if you are rubbing the products in as apposed to gently padding with your fingertips.

            1. NoGhosting*

              For eye cream, I have a couple that I generally recommend. There is Vichy Liftactiv Eyes (yes that’s really how its spelled), and you can find it on Amazon. I haven’t used that one myself but my colleagues have and they recommend it. I think its like $30? My favorite is Dr. Brandt Needles No More. You can find it in Sephora for $42.
              For color correcting palettes, on the cheaper end I like J.Cat Beauty color correcting palette. Its online only at ULTA for around $5. Reba phrases it excellently above, so if you find yourself needing a broader spectrum of color correcting colors I have the STILA palette as well for $45 at ULTA.

              I hope this helps!

      3. NoGhosting*

        A tinted moisturizer is more lightweight than foundation so it won’t leave you with that cake-y feeling. For red patches and acne, a green color corrector (can be found in color correcting palettes in ULTA and Sephora) before concealer will help to disguise redness.
        If you struggle with finding your correct shade of foundation it is best to test it on your jaw instead of your hand or wrist as they have different undertones to them.
        It might also be worth finding what “temperature” your skin tone is. Either Cool, Neutral or Warm. And this will also help you to find your correct shade. There are pictures on Google to help you figure out which tone your skin is.

    3. rosiebyanyothername*

      What are your favorite drugstore brand products? I am eternally on the hunt for a cheap liquid liner pen that isn’t The Worst.

      1. NoGhosting*

        The Maybelline Master Precise liquid eyeliner is my absolute favorite! I think its somewhere around 7? Maybelline tends to be my favorite drug store wise.

    4. Inspector Spacetime*

      Hooooow do I use concealer to cover up acne scars? Been trying for close to a decade. Do I need thicker coverage? Better products????

      1. NoGhosting*

        It all depends on what your acne scars look like, are they colored? Are they raised or more sunken? If they are more sunken I would try looking for a good pore-minimizer as weird as that may sound. They work to even out the texture of your skin so that could help make them less visible. A thicker concealer is going to cover up the scars coloring but you have to remember that the thicker the product the more likely it is to move later on in the day so a good setting powder is going to be crucial, also not just setting them but “baking” your concealer is going to save your liiiife. If you aren’t familiar with baking, you put on a thick layer of translucent powder and put a hefty layer over the concealed areas so that you can see the powder. Let it sit and don’t brush it off for a good 5 minutes while you do the rest of your makeup. It works to heat up the concealer underneath the powder and make it stick to your face better. It bakes it. (And seriously translucent powder it muuuust be otherwise the color is going to be out of wack)

    5. Jessie the First (or second)*

      I wish I could formulate a question!! Makeup is something I would like to wear, and yet I never really have, and…. I just…. have no idea what I am doing. Currently I just wear a tinted moisturizer, a little blush, and eyeliner. It may or may not look any good, who knows. ;-)

      For a makeup noob, what’s a good basic makeup regimen? I don’t want a “full face,” I do want to look professional (so nothing really intense) and it should ALSO be kinda easy because see above about how I don’t know what I’m doing.

      And if you can tell me the right way to put on eyeliner, that’d be awesome.

      1. Jessie the First (or second)*

        OH! My only skin issue is the purple under the eyes thing I have going on, which is because I am chronically sleep deprived because of reasons that won’t change for maybe ever. But when I try concealer, it does not seem to make a difference. Help?

        1. NoGhosting*

          A red color corrector before your concealer will help to disguise the dark circles. I know this sounds strange. Red. Under your eyes. But seriously it works. All you need is a color correcting palette. There are all sorts of colors in it green, red, etc.. and you can find them at ULTA and Sephora. Any brand will do. Even the ULTA branded stuff.

      2. Murphy*

        Not the OP, but what’s worked for me with eyeliner (pencil) is not to try to draw one straight line all the way across. I wiggle the pencil back and forth a bit until I’ve gotten all the way across my eye. If it does look uneven, I use an angled brush to smooth it out and that usually takes care of it.

      3. Inspector Spacetime*

        The wise Jeremy Renner once said, “Frame the face.” Brows, eyes, lips.
        If you have good skin, then you don’t have to worry about the whole primer/foundation/blush/bronzer thing.

        I’m not sure what you mean about the”right way” to put on eyeliner? You can just use a pencil and put it on. It’s mainly about experimenting to see what looks best for you, and practicing. I personally use black eye shadow and a tiny flat brush, and just brush it on the edge of my top lid, and then down into my eyelashes. I think it looks more natural. It’s so personal and subjective, though.

        1. Jessie the First (or second)*

          Eyeliner: really, really basic questions – top and bottom both, or just top? For a professional look should it be the same thickness all the way, or can/should the top lid be thicker at the outer edge (that seems to be a thing some people do, I have no idea). Pencil vs liquid?

          Brows – I mean, I don’t even tweeze, so no idea what to do with brows. (In my defense, I don’t think they need tweezing/shaping, but I could be wrong there.)

          1. NoGhosting*

            Brows aren’t a huge MUST if you think they already look good.
            Eyeliner can be both top and bottom if you want. Most days I just do top because I think it suits my face better. If you do decide to do lower liner it is important that you only do it to the middle of your eye, if you do it all across the lower lash line it will make your eyes look smaller. Thinner eyeliner will make it look more natural and thicker eyeliner is more for glam looks but a good median between the two can be very professional as well.
            Make-up is for you! Not for anyone else. So if you think it looks good, own it!

      4. NoGhosting*

        There really isn’t any one set “right” way to apply eyeliner. It also depends on what your eye shape is. There are lots of YouTube videos out there for different eye shaped looks. For example, I have hooded eyes so I look to Alissa Ashley’s YouTube channel. She does a lot of makeup looks (there is a whole video dedicated to eyeliner for people with hooded eyes).

        What you’re already doing makeup regimen wise sounds great! Something else might be a little mascara to open your eyes more. If you want a little brightness to your face you could always add a little highlight on your cheekbones.

    6. Murphy*

      I am oily. My base makeup looks great right after I put it on, but a few hours later it doesn’t look nearly as good (uneven skin tone, redness showing through, shiny, etc.) I use primer, redness corrector, foundation, powder, and a setting spray. What else can I do?

      1. NoGhosting*

        What is the amount of foundation you are using? How are you applying it? I have struggled with oily skin my whole life so I am still working on it for my own personal skin. For you it depends on how much you are applying. Also, are you baking your face with the powder or just applying it with a brush? Its not the quantity of the products you use but the quality of the product.

        1. Murphy*

          I apply Urban Decay liquid foundation with a foundation brush. I try to go fairly thin with it so I’m not caking it on. I apply powder with a brush once I’m done with the foundation.

          1. NoGhosting*

            For primer make sure you are not over-saturating your face. But it doesn’t sound like you’re over-saturating.
            You might try switching to a beauty blender. Wet it and wring it out before you apply your foundation, a dry sponge does no one any good.
            Instead of applying the foundation to your face and then blending it in, try to apply it on the beauty blender and use it until there is no more product and then apply more as needed.
            If you find that doesn’t work you can also spray some of your setting spray onto your beauty blender or your face before your foundation as well.
            For powder I recommend that you try to bake your T-Zone and anywhere you notice the product is not there anymore. For me, I bake my under-eye and beside my nose (the nose area is where I get most of my product loss). I also bake my chin area as well.
            Do you know how to bake? You don’t sound like a make-up novice.

            1. Murphy*

              I haven’t baked makeup before, but I just looked it up. I’ll have to give it a try. Thanks!

    7. ALPA*

      I don’t use makeup…ever. If I wanted to start, what would be your 3 product recs? Particularly for covering blemishes and under-eye bags.

      1. NoGhosting*

        For covering blemishes I recommend a lightweight concealer, but then again it depends on what your blemishes look like. If they are more red in color a green color corrector (can be found in a color correcting palette at ULTA and Sephora for pretty cheap) will help to disguise redness in your skin. After the green apply normal concealer. For under-eye bags, a good eye cream can do wonders. I like Philosophy’s and its pretty affordable. But any eye cream that works to “firm” is what you want. If you are experiencing purple under-eyes as well, the red color corrector in the palette mentioned above will work to disguise dark circles before concealer.
        Another simple makeup item to just make your eyes appear bigger is mascara. There are tons of affordable brands out there as well as some higher end stuff as well, they all do the same in my opinion. My favorite would have to be anything by Too Faced.
        Make-up is fun for some people and not others, don’t feel pressured into needing to use make-up. But I hoped this helped!

    8. Detective Right-All-The-Time*

      I have double trouble – I am super pale and have super sensitive skin. I prefer really lightweight foundations that are more like tinted moisturizers than true full coverage.
      Most brands that carry my skin tone make my skin angry, or only have heavy full coverage options.
      Any suggestions for a brand that might fit?
      For reference, I make do with Bare Minerals Bareskin Liquid Foundation in Porcelain. It’s still a little too dark on me but if I use a very light touch it can blend well enough.

      1. NoGhosting*

        Fellow pale girl myself so I understand your struggles.
        For me what I have found works best is a tinted moisturizer. They are more lightweight than foundation so they tend to be more sheer. If you are finding you have to use a light touch anyway to apply your foundation this might be your solution.
        There are some pretty pigmented tinted moisturizers out there too so don’t let it deceive you.
        The one I am currently using is First Aid Beauty’s Ultra Repair Tinted Moisturizer. I got mine online at Sephora but I haven’t seen it anywhere else. It is also advertised for sensitive skin as well.

      2. KatieKate*

        Go to Sephora and try Dr. Jart’s Tiger Grass. It’s a color correcting formula and not a foundation–it goes on green and then matches your skin tone. It’s AMAZING and has basically other face makeup for me

  164. KatieKate*

    I’m a volunteer coordinator, so if you’re looking for advice on how to “volunteer smarter” I’m your gal.

    1. Morning Glory*

      Do you have any recommendations for how to utilize potential volunteers that are
      1. Spread out across the country
      2. Have more enthusiasm than expertise as they are often high school/college age?

      This is for an environmental nonprofit

      1. KatieKate*

        What kind of time commitment are you looking for? Is there a way to train them up to lead smaller cohorts of volunteers, eg host a small conference for some of your stronger, college age volunteers for a small fee? Is the volunteering direct service or more education/advocacy work?

    2. Earthwalker*

      I’m a volunteer. I help with habitat restoration after fires. Can you give me any tips for making my volunteer coordinators’ lives easier? They’re terrific folks.

      1. KatieKate*

        So my favorite volunteers are the ones who can make long term commitments–I know that every Tuesday at 10 am they will be on site. I’m not sure how that factors in to the calendar of habitat restoration (which is super cool!!) but reliability is always HUGE for organizations.
        Other than that, is there a way to get involved in an institutional level as a lay leader? Are they looking for volunteer board members? Do they need event committee members? (If that interests you, of course!)

  165. Z*

    I’m curious about technical editing for pharma & biotech — what are the jobs like day-to-day? is it realistic to do (and to break into) without a science/medical background? how is the pay? what is a typical career path? (Considering this as a career change b/c I live in a biotech-heavy area and have writing/editing background.)

    1. RA*

      I used to be a medical writer in pharma, working in-house on publications/medical affairs! (Now I work in learning and development in finance.) The job roles vary widely depending on whether you are in marketing, education, or publications. Pharma is highly regulated, so there are strict firewalls between how the commercial and the scientific sides communicate and what each is allowed to say. In my role, I worked with physicians who ran clinical drug trials and wrote articles that would be published in scientific journals. My day-to-day was a LOT of project management (read: nagging). The writing aspect involved drafting the articles, proposing data visualization, and some tedious stuff like reference list reconciliation. I liked being on the cutting edge of scientific research, as well as building relationships with my physicians.

      I think you could break into the industry without a science background, but you will need at least an adjacent portfolio that shows that you can distill technical concepts to a given audience. Many technical and medical writers work freelance (I did not), and if you market yourself well and make good connections, you might be able to bypass gatekeepers in regard to industry. Pay also varies widely, but generally, freelancers make more money than in-house or agency writers. I preferred not to do my own business development, so that was okay with me. As far as career path goes, lots of folks fall into it, so there’s not a great path to follow, frustratingly. I was a member of the American Medical Writers Association (AMWA) and got a lot out of my membership and attending events. Professional societies would be a good way to start networking locally. I found that everyone I met in AMWA was very willing to share info and best practices.

      I hope this helps! Happy to clarify or add on if you have more specific questions.

        1. RA*

          Ah, so that’s ANOTHER kind of writing and editing! Many pharma or biotech companies have a separate regulatory affairs group that will do their documentation. But the basic skill set is the same: distill complicated information for the audience; comply with regulation; be super detail-oriented; use language precisely; doing all of this a deadline and with an appropriate paranoia about drug safety. It can be difficult to break in because companies (not just pharma) like someone who is plug-and-play. Even moving within therapeutic areas can be difficult. I have never worked in oncology and probably never would now, even if I went back to pharma, because it’s such a unique space.

          1. Z*

            Thanks… this is helpful. I think the regulatory area is what interests me most, and closest to my experience (I did copy editing for regulatory documents in the finance industry for a bit). Would AMWA be helpful for this? Do you think regulatory is harder to break into than the other areas?

            1. RA*

              I don’t think any area is harder than the others, and since it sounds like you have potentially adjacent experience, this seems like a logical path for you. AMWA is definitely a society for you to check out. I think it’s the closest match (that I know of). I was not a member of these societies, but you could look into them: Society for Technical Communication and International Society for Medical Publication Professionals.

            2. Anon RA*

              I work in pharma regulatory (over 20 years, big companies), and I’ve never seen/heard of a regulatory writer. We do our own writing. The job is much more about knowing requirements, understanding the drug and the data and working with governmental agencies directly. Having good writing skills is a big plus but is a secondary part of the job.
              The clinical groups often have (or hire) medical writers to distill study summaries into something concise and accurate.

  166. HiHiHi*

    Americans with Disabilities Act or Fair Housing Act-I can answer (most) questions on either of those laws, general or super-specific!

    1. Mimmy*

      So awesome to see a fellow AAM reader knowledgeable about the ADA! I’ve been looking for others with similar knowledge – seems to be a rare find. Do you use your knowledge professionally? That’s what I’m hoping to do.

  167. Emmie*

    I’ve been told by others that I’m good at dispute resolution, and maintaining calm in difficult situations. I’m happy to help with what I can.

    1. fposte*

      How do you you differentiate between telling people and facilitating agreement? I can often see where we need to get to but could do better on getting buy in from the other participants.

      1. Emmie*

        I balance time, authority, importance, and impact when I’m determining whether I should tell people or mediate an agreement. Quick decisions combined with personal experience on the problem usually means that I’ll be telling people; however, I would facilitate an agreement if my solutions impact another’s work process significantly. That is not a hard-and-fast rule, but a helpful guide I use. Buy in is trickier. As I’ve progressed higher in my career, I am more committed to the outcome. I need “x” to happen. If “x” impacts another person’s work then I’ll ask that person or department how best to achieve “x” in their workflow. Buy in is more successful when people have some measure of control or decision-making. But, that might not always be an option. In other cases, I will meet with stakeholders individually before a mass meeting. I’ll either share my options for solving the problem, or ask them how they’d like to see the problem solved. I may talk with the person one-on-one about the problems with the solution they’ve proposed, and ask for their resolution. If we implement this validation process, it impacts accounting in this way . . . How do we fix that, or manage their concerns? They key here is being genuinely interested in their opinion. People can tell when your interest is not genuine such as when you attack their problems. You really have to watch your demeanor, and openness.

  168. professor*

    I’m an Anthropologist/Biologist, specializing in Animal Behavior (so if you’re pet is doing something funny, I may have ideas). I handle issues like sex and gender, race, etc. too. And am generally trained in analyzing and interpreting data (am decent in some R stats). Happy to answer things!

    1. Amber Rose*

      Why does my cat pee on everything that smells like me? D:
      I can’t even let him in the bedroom because he goes straight for my laundry, and he’s been known to wreck my books too.

    2. Daria from Cleveland*

      Our PupPup (1 y.o.) sneaks eating acorns while doing his business. Acorns are toxic. Success with “leave it” command only 50% outdoors, but 99% success rate at home. What would you suggest?

    3. anonimal*

      This might be a stretch but do you have any knowledge about tracking animals (GPS, UHF, etc?) For conservation or scientific studies? I’m specifically interested in the technology or where to learn more about it.

      1. Kuododi*

        Cayenne pepper I found to be an effective deterrent back when my cats were with me. Just sprinkle a ring around the plant in question. (Mild sinus irritant). I discovered that solution looking for a way to keep the cats out of the Christmas tree!!!

    5. Kuododi*

      Apologies for the grossness that is coming…do you have any suggestions for a mini daschund (1yr..male neutered) who has begun racing through the house pooping as he goes. He then runs back and starts eating the poop. (Gaaack!)He will also carry poop to the furniture and leave little “presents”. Please help!!!

  169. Anon from Colorado*

    Here’s a request for help: how do I keep my cool when I’m dealing with a boss whose default setting seems to be “irritable with a side of lashing out and yelling”? He’s the type of person who, when he’s irritated, lets his generalized irritation spill out on everyone who’s around regardless of whether they’re the source of the irritation—and it’s usually me who gets the brunt of it. I don’t react well to this, and find myself getting irritated right back.

    It really impacts my workplace productivity—it’s hard to focus on my work when I’ve just been yelled at because he’s mad at somebody else, and since these days he gets irritated with me whenever I ask a question, I struggle with a lot of anxiety and frustration. Any advice for how to keep my cool/develop a thicker skin?

    1. TheCupcakeCounter*

      I probably need this too since one of these days I’m going to yell back. Mostly I get through it and go home for a cocktail and bitch session with my bestie.

    2. Lora*

      Had a couple of bosses like this.

      If you know the approximate time frame for how long it’s likely to last, make yourself as scarce as possible until the time frame is over, or just count backwards from 1000 or whatever you like to do to withstand horrible crap. Think of it like getting an annoying medical procedure: it’ll be over in (hours/days). Try not to take it personally. Focus on the boss’ wart/weird haircut/ear hair or whatever so you’re still looking like you’re paying attention, but basically just nod and say “mmmhmmm” until the ranting dies down.

      Keep the same phrases in your back pocket that you’d use for a small child throwing a tantrum:
      I’m sorry to hear that
      That sounds terrible
      Huh, what do you think you’ll do about that?
      Is that so / is that a fact
      Wow
      Really
      Huh, bummer

      And end with
      Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.
      or, alternatively, “good luck with that”

      You don’t actually have to pay attention to any of it. Just make vague sympathetic noises until he winds down. Unfortunately, saying the obvious and honest thing “I’m judging you and can’t respect you when you act like such a gd douchebag” isn’t really an option.

  170. Tex*

    Seeking advice on moving from Project Management to Program Management in a non-software environment.

    What general and technical skills do I need to pick up for Program Management? More P&L/accounting? Software such as SQL or Tableau?

    1. Honor Harrington*

      Focus on your soft skills. Be good at managing upwards. Express reports in the format/quantity that the seniors want. Know exactly what to bring to them, and what “nice to knows” they can have in the appendix instead. Understand when to be nice, when to direct, and when to be brutal – and how to recover from the last 2 to preserve the relationship. Build you network of your peers. Focus less on managing and more on influencing.

  171. Lora*

    Process designer in biopharm/biotech. I make drugs, specifically I make small scale drugs at very big scale and figure out how to make large scale things at small scale and make it all efficient and cost effective. I’ve done a lot of vaccine work, but don’t know as much about CAR-T type of stuff. I can usually answer questions like, “is this startup feasible or are they full of crap”, too.

    1. Lora*

      Other thing I know a lot about: goats. I raise dairy, cashmere and mohair goats. Also chickens, turkeys and gardening. My dad’s family are mostly farmers, but on a relatively smallish scale (<1000 acres).

  172. Second Actor*

    Call for expertise: How do you begin discerning and preparing for a potential “second act” after 15 years doing nothing at all but homemaking and raising children? I have an advanced STEM degree but no post-graduate work (it’s a long story). I don’t *need* the money but miss science and contributing to wider society. Has anyone been through this or worked with/counseled/retrained people in such a situation? I feel worthless, in the job sense, and I literally don’t know where to start or whom to seek out for nonjudgmental advice.

    1. Inspector Spacetime*

      There’s a lot of posts on this here!

      The general recommendation is to start volunteering in a relevant field, I believe. This helps you start networking, and gives you something to put on your resume.

    2. Katie*

      I had to this, after homeschooling and doing minor freelancing for 15 years, I wanted to go back to full-time work. I think the most important first step is to take some time really checking out what you’re interested in now, because it might be different than pre-kids. Think about everything again, from work-life balance to what your current top skills are (parenting builds lots of them!) to what makes your heart sing.

    3. Thlayli*

      Depending on your field there are probably some associations for your industry and probably events like evening lectures on in your vicinity. And maybe a monthly industry publication. Check out things like that to find out which parts of the industry are doing well and how the tech for that area has changed in the last 15 years.

      Since you have no post-grad experience, in one way you are like a recent graduate. So you should be checking out graduate type jobs – whatever that looks like in your industry and location. They might be called graduate jobs, or might just ask for a degree with no work experience, or it might be typical for people to do an internship right after college or there might be a more specific career path. Ask your old friends from college what was their first job. And call your old colleges career guidance unit and ask them.

      Also, depending on how much your field relates to cutting edge technology, you may or may not have out-of-date skills and knowledge.if you do, you may need to consider going back to school again to update your skills. Maybe a post-grad course like a 1-year taught masters, or a part time post grad diploma in the area you find most promising in your field would be worth the investment.

      Good luck!

    4. Geillis D*

      I see myself as somewhat of an expert on this.
      Long story short, I had a STEM degree that was unusable after I moved halfway across the world. I tried for aPhD and realized fairly quickly it wasn’t for me. I was in my late 30’s and feeling absolutely useless, while my husband was climbing up the career ladder. So I did an about-face and pursued a CPA designation. I’m 15 years behind on my career and am currently insanely busy, but enjoying my office immensely, have a sense of purpose and know for certain my accounting skills are much better than my housekeeping skills.

      All the best. It’s not easy and I haven’t realized how much breaking-and-putting-yourself-back-together it entails, but so worth it.

  173. Amateur Photographer*

    Photography. Surprised nobody’s posted this one yet. Having trouble getting a picture to look right? Don’t know how to use your DSLR? Want to not look like such an idiot in photos? Ask away!

    1. UK Folkie*

      Would love some tips on how to appropriately adjust/use ISO, white balance, this little figure which currently says F5.0 (not really sure what it does…) and about the various modes on my camera – A-Dep, M, AV, TV, P…. how do they differ? I’ve had my Canon 550D for about 6 years now but am still not very well acquainted with it even though I love using it.
      Thanks!

    2. SarahKay*

      Oh, yes please! I need to buy a point-and-click for work use that will take reasonable macro pictures – think pictures of the components in a computer. What should I look for in the camera description? Anything obvious to go for or to avoid?

  174. travelgirl*

    Working in travel means I know a lot about airports and how to travel smarter/cheaper. I also know a lot about tourist visas and how to travel legally to unique/challenging places, like Cuba or Iran.

      1. Reba*

        This might be outdated, but when I got a tourist visa for China several years ago, I needed the address of where I was staying (hotel) — but I only put the first one. They rejected one with no addresses and one filled out accurately with multiple stays.

        The interview wasn’t really an interview, just had to be physically present in the consulate, and you can have someone submit your application as your proxy if you don’t live in a city with an embassy/consulate.

      2. travelgirl*

        Chinese visas can be really time-intensive compared to other tourist visas! Most likely you’re traveling to China under an L visa, which is for tourists. You will have to send off your actual passport for processing, which is a little anxiety-inducing, but I usually see it’s turned around within 4-5 days. You also have to include proof of a flight and hotel reservation, so printouts of those confirmations are important to include. Where it starts getting trickier is if you want to go to Tibet–that’s where I start recommending to look into group trips, because those companies will typically handle the visa for you. The nice advantage of the Chinese visa is it’s good for 10 years and multiple visits, so you can go back a few times!

    2. anon24*

      Two questions. Is there a website that you recommend for good travel deals? And in general, how do you determine what’s “too good to be true” and what’s a great deal? I know people who get crazy deals for vacations, including someone who stayed in a 4 star hotel in Vegas for something like $200 for 4 nights from groupon, but whenever I look at deals on groupon or travel websites I think that there’s no way the place is as nice as they claim or that it’s not a scam. I feel like I way overpay when I travel, which isn’t a lot, but I’m scared of getting stuck somewhere in a bug infested hotel with no hot water. I do read reviews, but I’m always sceptical of them.

      1. travelgirl*

        Kayak is a great resource for finding cheap flights. But even those sites track your use and manipulate prices accordingly, so clear the cookies on your browser between flight searches. Your hunch about too good to be true is quite correct–I usually advise people to steer clear of those sorts of deals because they often have lots of strings attached (blackout dates, having to sit through timeshare presentations, and all sorts of stuff). To find actual good deals, it’s better to consider staying in a different part of the city, flying into a smaller airport, booking attractions in advance, etc., to help save money where you can. I love my industry, but I can assure you that you are always getting majorly ripped off by anything advertised as “all-inclusive.”

    3. PM-NYC*

      I’d love to know more about travelling legally to Iran. I started to look into it a few years back & it seemed impossible. Not even sure where to start.

      1. travelgirl*

        With Iran, it’s only possible to do with a group, at least as an American (Canadians and Brits also subject to the same standards). If you have any stamps in your current passport that indicate travel to Israel, you will have to get a second passport, but it’s actually easy to do that through regular passport offices. First the group organizing the trip will apply for a group authorization–they’ll need your passport info, some background on your profession/former profession, and a photograph of you. It’s not required but I always recommend women wear a headscarf in their visa photo–just makes it go faster. Once you have the group authorization you apply for an individual visa, which for Americans involves sending your passport and an application form to the Iranian Interests Office in DC (operated out of the Pakistani embassy). You can book regular commercial flights in and out of Iran. When you’re there you’re accompanied by a local guide. I haven’t been (yet!) but everyone I know in the industry say it’s an an amazing place, and locals are always friendly towards Americans.

  175. Frozen toes*

    I need help coming to terms with my profession. Every season there’s some new executive level vision for what HR should be. I’m exhausted from leading my teams through change after change, particularly during the last 7-8 years.

    1. mrs_helm*

      I imagine that 90% of what you actually “do” in HR doesn’t change. (You still deal with the same activities, legalities, paperwork, etc) Can you compartmentalize the “change” aspect of it so that it has less impact? I don’t want to go so far as to say “pay lip service to it”, but maybe don’t invest as wholeheartedly, and alllow yourself to do some internal eye rolling.

    2. Cat*

      I’m considering getting a Master’s in HR. I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties. If you don’t feel like answering this, it’s fine – since your post was to request advice, not to give it – but is there anything about the field that would be good to know?

  176. Squeeble*

    Can anyone give advice on pitching your writing to literary/news outlets, particularly if you don’t have a lot published yet? I would really like to start getting my work out there but have only pitched a few times, with no luck.

    For context, a lot of my writing is personal narrative/essay/pop culture-related, and I read a lot of sites like Slate, The Cut, Catapult, and The Toast (RIP).

    1. Jubilance*

      Where have you pitched and what was the feedback you received?

      When I started pitching, I got some great feedback from my editor at the time – the key to a good pitch is to have a great idea and focus on the “why would anyone care about this?” angle. It’s not enough to just say I want to write about the last great white rhino – why would someone want to read this story? What’s new in my piece – am I sharing a new perspective or conclusion?

      My pitches generally have this format:
      *Opening/Salutation/Mention of why I’m pitching like “I saw your call for pitches on Twitter”
      *Tentative title of piece & description of what I want to talk about – I give a thesis paragraph about my topic and a quick summary of my conclusions/opinions. For example, for a piece I wrote about the show Blackish, it was “Blackish is the greatest show you aren’t watching – it’s a Black show that appeals to all families in their realistic portrayal of a modern Black family”.
      *Summary about me and link to my website with clips – here I usually use my canned bio paragraph and include highlights of where my work has been published.

      So far I’ve been lucky – I have a 75% pitch acceptance rate, but I also am pretty selective about what I pitch and to where. Good luck!

      1. Squeeble*

        Thanks for the tips! The format you outlined is especially helpful.

        I haven’t pitched a lot–the last two I remember were declined because the first one was submitted to a series that, it turns out, was limited to the editors of the site. The second they just said wasn’t the right fit for them. Both of those were pretty neutral pieces of feedback, but I think (I KNOW) I take rejections way too personally and struggle to keep pitching because of it.

        1. Jubilance*

          I totally understand! The first couple of “no” responses I got also hit me hard. But pitching is a numbers game, it’s like submitting job applications. Sometimes you gotta throw a bunch out there and see what sticks. And I’m also learn to really swing for the fences and not be afraid to pitch to WashPo, NYT, etc. The worst they can say is no, right? Good luck!

  177. Haiku*

    Personally: I know more about European Royals than is good for me. Kings, Queens, Princesses…Did you know that Camilla’s title legally is Princess of Wales just like Diana, but she uses Duchess of Cornwall out of respect?

    Professionally: I make teenytiny nonprofits more efficient/productive.

    I’m happy to answer questions about either topic.

    2. Sunflower*

      Could you please tell more about your work? What exactly do you do? I work for a 15 people nonprofit and would love more insight on that. Thanks!

      1. Haiku*

        My nonprofits are even smaller than that-I’ve been the sole full-time employee more than once. What I’ve found to help the part-timers is breaking decisions down into very small bits.

        Here’s the problem: teapot spouts keep breaking off. I’ve researched it, and we can either replace the glue with gorilla glue or reformulate the ceramic. Because of …, I recommend reformulating the ceramic. Please let me know your thoughts. I’ll need to hear back from you on Monday.

        Also keeping people on deadlines.

    3. I Love JavaScript*

      Not a question, but a minor geek out: I also really like the Royals! They’ve always been a subject of interest for me. And now, Meghan Markle is marrying in! Biracial, American, divorced, actress–and she went to my high school. So cool!

  178. UK Folkie*

    I’m good at folk music and performing in that genre. Fairly niche, I know, but happy to chat about it.

  179. Valancy Snaith*

    I’m a barista with a background in tea as well, and happy to answer any questions about coffee or tea! I’m also a Certified Infertile Person, so if you have questions about infertility or assisted reproductive technology, I know a great deal about that. And as a military spouse I’m happy to answer questions about the Canadian military.

    1. TheCupcakeCounter*

      I would love to transition to black coffee (get away from the sugary, calorie laden stuff). What are some of the best types of coffee (and preparation) for that?

      1. Poppy Weasel*

        I trained myself into black coffee by first cutting sugar out, but still using cream. Then I gradually reduced the amount of cream I was using. Eventually I was down to just a drop and it was easy to stop doing that. I prefer really dark, robust coffees because then I’m getting actual nuanced flavors out of them instead of just “coffee” – same reason I like fancy teas rather than just Lipton teabags.

      2. Valancy Snaith*

        If you like really sugary, milky coffee, you can wean yourself off of it gradually, which will probably be easier. Try baby steps, like taking less syrup or sweetener in your coffees every couple of days, or you can try a misto instead, which is half coffee and half steamed milk, which you can add syrup or sweetener to. (Mistos can also be made with espresso instead.) Once you’re into the plain coffees, try looking for blonde roasts, which are typically more mild and less strong-tasting, but actually have more caffeine in them. The lighter the roast, like a blonde roast, the more mild it will taste naturally without needing to add in tons of sweetener or milk.

      3. LBK*

        I agree with Poppy Weasel that starting by dropping the sugar but keeping the milk is a good first step. As far as types of coffee, I’d say it’s mostly about playing around and seeing what you personally like. A lot of people prefer blonde roasts for black coffee since they’re lighter but I find them a little bland, so I usually prefer dark roasts. I used to be a Starbucks barista and their Casi Cielo seasonal blend is a favorite – it has a very rich, almost chocolately flavor.

        For preparation, drinking iced coffee while you’re transitioning helps since there’s less chance of it being made incorrectly – burnt coffee is pretty much never going to taste good black. I also generally prefer Americanos over drip coffee at a coffee shop if it’s not one I trust since the espresso beans are freshly ground and brewed for each drink, vs drip coffee that might have been made a while ago and tastes a little stale.

        If you’re making it at home, measure your ingredients! The water to grounds ratio is important for making the coffee taste right; generally it should be 1-2 tablespoons of grounds to every 6 oz of water. Don’t just eyeball it, at least until you’re comfortable with what the proper measurements should look like.

    2. Struggling Barista Wannabe*

      What recommendations do you have for at home baristas? Is it worth it to buy that $599 espresso machine instead of the $39 one? Could you recommend some mid- and high-range models maybe? What features are truly important? I spend a lot of time getting the espresso in the cup and tamping it down as correctly as I can. I’ve seen some machines that supposedly pack the espresso for you…what?! Is that a thing? Recommended? Just…tell me, tell me everything!

      1. Valancy Snaith*

        I think what it comes down to is exactly how important espresso and coffee are to you. If you absolutely love it and can’t get enough of it, I’d splash out for the expensive Breville model. DeLonghi also makes a couple nice machines around the $1k price point that grind/tamp the beans for you as well.

    1. Amy*

      No questions, just chiming in to say me too! If you’re not on the NetSuite professionals slack channel, I highly recommend it.

  181. ADB_BWG*

    Seeking advice: Make up gurus! I have bags (swelling) with pale skin and then the deep blue grooves underneath. I’m fair with pink undertones and everything I try still leaves the blue grooves. I’ve tried following make up videos and all sorts of products short of marching to a make up counter (and which one to try?). Suggestions for products / techniques / videos? (age 54, post-menopause, slightly overweight – but always had these bags)

    1. blonde AF*

      For a makeup counter to go to, I’ve had good luck with Sephora. If you aren’t a member of their program thing, you can still get a makeover or ask them for recommendations, I think you just need to buy a certain amount (like $50). For just a recommendation you might be able to get help for free. I find it really useful to go in and get color matched for things like foundation.

      They also have a GREAT return policy – no questions asked, just bring it back for a full refund.

    2. Slartibartfast*

      I, too, suffer from raccoon eyes, similar complexion. I am using a Naked brand color corrector right now, a little more orange in tone than I would have chosen for myself. Makeup girl at Ulta picked it for me. It’s not as cakey or paint-feeling as a concealer (which honestly just makes the problem worse) and doesn’t help the bags, but it does eliminate the blue and blends well with foundation. I’ve even worn it without foundation and it doesn’t look weird. I’m 43 and my undereye area is so blue it’s been mistaken for bruising.

  182. Designing and Facilitating Training*

    (Victoria Nonprofit here). Happy to help with any questions about training and facilitation.

  183. beanie beans*

    I need some self-control help.

    I’m out of control with my sugar intake at work and the more I try to control it the worse it gets. It stems from being bored at work. Bored = hungry, and I have waaaay too many temptations right in my building – 2 coffee places with cheap donuts and cookies, a convenience store with sodas and candy, plus the vending machines, plus all the tempting stuff people bring in from home.

    Any experts in breaking the sugar cycle? I know it needs to start with staying busier and more engaged at work, but do you have any suggestions on how to avoid the temptations when my brain starts to tell me I need sugar?

    1. Amelia*

      Have you tried giving yourself food but not sugary food? Make a drawer of snacks that you can dip into instead of whatever the snack of the day is. Veggie straws, healthy chips, carrots and hummus, apples and peanut butter, dried fruit, granola, yogurt, etc. It’s really hard to avoid snacking. But if you can at least make it so you’re getting fruit and veggie servings that helps. Also if you don’t want to eat the healthy snacks then you probably aren’t hungry. It helped me make my brain more aware of boredom/opportunistic snacking vs actual hunger.

      1. Sally*

        I concur – keep plenty of other healthy things around to snack on. “Crowd out” sugar by eating other things. And fill up on fat. I’m serious when I say you should keep a bottle of olive oil at your desk and eat a spoonful when you’re craving sugar. Your brain (and mouth) wants satiation, and olive oil is way healthier than sugar! (People on the island of Crete consume it by the boatload and have some of the longest lifespans on Earth.)

    2. Victoria Nonprofit (USA)*

      I am soooo not an expert on this, but I did just do it myself.

      For me, it took essentially going cold turkey. I radically revamped my diet, including eating no sweeteners at all (no sugar, artificial sweeteners, honey, etc.). For me, it’s easier to have a rule to follow strictly than to try to make a decision about every sweet treat that comes my way.

      I’ve also noticed that, for me, I struggle when I’m hungry or haven’t planned my meals well. If I have something else ready to go, I can just redirect myself to that. If I’ve forgotten to pack a lunch, or if I didn’t pack enough so I’m left hungry afterwards, my habit/instinct is to grab something easy from the vending machine.

      1. LBK*

        Having a plan for your meals totally makes a difference. It helps redirect that hunger craving from “ugh, I need to eat something, oops I had 3 Snickers bars” to “ugh, so hungry, can’t wait to have that steak with braised leeks and tarragon vinaigrette that’s waiting for me at home for dinner”. They’re pricey but if you can swing it, meal delivery kits like Sun Basket/Plated/Blue Apron/etc have helped me soooo much with this since they give me interesting meals to look forward to instead of the same boring, repetitive meals I usually come up with for myself.

    3. beanie beans*

      These are both great suggestions, thanks! I think you’re right – if I plan ahead and have a drawer full of non-sugar snacks nearby, it would reduce the opportunity to make a sugar-based decision.

      V – cold turkey was the only way I got out of a bad cycle a few years ago. Went a month, and maybe it’s time to do that again.

    4. Rosemary7391*

      I find the only thing that works for me is to leave my purse at home. Almost every day I bring it I end up buying something I shouldn’t! Doesn’t help when people bring in treats, but it’s a start. Calorie tracking helps me too – knowing I can have a little but not too much or I go over my calories.

    5. LBK*

      I just went through this – detoxed myself off sugar after stress binging pretty much all day every day from September through January. It sucked but the only thing that worked for me was going cold turkey off anything remotely sweet, including naturally sweet food like fruit or whole grain carbs. I think common advice is to try substituting processed sugars with natural ones but that didn’t help me because it just kept my sweet tooth cravings alive and made it that much easier to relapse on junk. Once I’d gone a couple weeks with no sweet stuff at all, I started allowing myself to have an apple or some grapes as a snack again.

      The good news is that it really doesn’t take that long for your sugar cravings to die off once you completely stop consuming it. I would say even after a week I found myself having to exercise much less self control to resist buying my daily morning donut.

      1. beanie beans*

        This is what I need to do. I think I’ve been in denial but you’re right about the sugar cravings feeding off of your recent sugar binges. Time to break the cycle. And with other people’s suggestions I think I have some good alternatives to keep me distracted for a bit.

    6. Catabodua*

      Project 7 sugar-free gum. They sell it at Target and other larger retailers – if you go to their website it lists everywhere that carries it.

      They have specialty flavors that are very good and help satisfy the sugary craving without adding sugar. They have a line of girl scout flavors so you can buy sugar free gum that tastes like Thing Mints or Samoas.

      https://project7.com/pages/store-locator

      1. LBK*

        Ooo, thank you for this tip! Just ordered some Samoa gum, it’s been killing me seeing everyone posting pics of their Girl Scout cookies lately.

    7. AliP*

      When I feel like I’ve gotten into bad eating habits I track everything I’m eating via app. It’s not so much for calorie counting, but more like it makes me be more mindful. I also find unsweetened seltzer water is a nice mid-afternoon treat, without the calories.

      I also love dessert and work in an office where people generously bring in lots of snacks, so I have a deal with myself. If it’s homemade, go ahead and try it. If it’s store bought, leave it alone. That way I don’t end up eating Tastykakes and that sort of nonsense, but I still treat myself.

      1. beanie beans*

        I like your homemade vs store bought rule! And unsweetened seltzer water is brilliant! If I had a case at my desk I think I could avoid the temptation of a soda.

        1. SarahKay*

          I keep a case of sparkling mineral water under my desk for afternoon drinks, and it’s really helped me cut back on drinking sodas.

          1. LBK*

            Flavored seltzer is generally too bland for me so I’ve been drinking kombucha if I want something more interesting than water, although the taste/mouthfeel isn’t for everyone.

        2. AliP*

          There’s a flavored seltzer brand called Amelia Seltzer that I really like- they have it at the regular ol’ supermarket where I live. The black cherry and cranberry/lime flavors are so good!

    8. Catabodua*

      Sorry if this is a dup. I thought I already replied, but it doesn’t seem to be here. I wonder if it’s because I tried to include a link.

      Project 7 gum. They sell it at major retailers (go to their website and look) like Target. It’s sugar-free gum that is gourmet flavors and can help satisfy sugar cravings without adding sugar to your diet.

      They have Girl Scout flavors like Thin Mints and Samoas so that the gum tastes just like a Thin Mint but is sugar free. They also have a birthday cake one that tastes like the sweetest cake, but is also sugar free.

    9. Tris Prior*

      The only thing that helps me stop buying treats during the workday is making sure I have no cash or credit cards on me.

      I broke the habit of eating the treats people bring in after a co-worker brought in cupcakes, I took a bite out of one, and then overheard her talking about how she has this terrible cold and feels like crap. I caught her cold the next day and was sick for a week. So now if people bring in stuff from home, I imagine people touching it all over with their gross germy virus-covered hands and that usually stops me from shoveling it all into my face.

    10. Nikki T*

      I’m way late, but I gained a few pounds because…bored = hungry. What kind of work to do you? I found just found something to do. I sit at my computer all day, so I read e-books on Wattpad or from the library. Wattpad is web-based, but I had to download the app to read Library books.

      Once I realized I was eating because I was bored, it was easier to tell myself, no, you’re bored, not hungry, do something, take a walk, even just go powder my nose…

    11. tab*

      I didn’t quit completely, but I’ve cut WAY back. (My brother died from complications due to diabetes, and my blood sugar was going up, so I was very motivated to eat healthy.) I worked with a nutritionist through my insurance company (no charge), to come up with a plan. Every Saturday when my husband and I go to dinner, we share a dessert, and every other night of the week I have three dark chocolate covered almonds after dinner. So, I know that I’ll be eating something sweet soon, and I’m willing to wait for that. My go to snack now is roasted, unsalted nuts. Very satisfying and no sugar. Good luck! I agree with others who say that you lose your taste for sweets. Last fall I made pumpkin bread and used only half the sugar called for in the recipe. It was delicious! (And I sent the leftovers to work with my husband.)

  184. Salamander*

    Mid-list novelist here. I’ve written for a few major New York publishers, including a couple of the big five, and dipped my toe in indie a couple of times. I’ve published thirteen books. If you have questions about publishing, I’m happy to try to answer!

    1. Morning Glory*

      To what degree do editors change a book once accepted by a publisher?

      How many books did you have published before you made enough to quit your day job?

      How much did doing indie impact your total sales? Your total cut from those sales? Which did you prefer using?

      1. Salamander*

        In my experience, my editors haven’t changed much. When I turn a book in, I get an editorial letter with requested changes, and they’re usually minor. The most I’ve ever been asked to change is to alter a scene or emphasize a mood here and there. The editors I’ve worked with generally don’t take on books they don’t love.

        Also, when I’m working on a series, I run a synopsis by the editor for the next books before I start in on the next book. This allows the editor to nix any major things that she doesn’t like before I’ve wasted a lot of time. My synopses are three to five pages and show the character arcs, beginnings, middles, and ends. I also use these to run ideas for books past my agent, to see if they are sellable from her perspective.

        I was four books in when I decided to quit the day job. Honestly, I wish I’d waited another year or two. Most writers I know do keep a day job, and it is very, very hard to make ends meet on what writing as a novelist pays. I still do side gigs every so often for cash flow, and they are not all related to writing.

        Honestly, I make a lot more money from traditional publishing than indie. Traditional publishing offers an advance, and it’s really nice to have that up-front. With traditional publishing, it’s also a lot easier for me to sell foreign and audio rights, which are a big chunk of my income. Often times, I make as much with foreign, audio, and other rights sales as I do for the initial sale of the book.

        I keep about sixty-five percent of the book’s sales price on an indie book, and between twelve and twenty for book in the traditional world (depending on whether it’s print or an e-book). Max I’ve ever had for a traditionally-published e-book is forty percent.

        Thing is, to do a book the way I want to do it, it costs money up-front to do the indie book. I hire a content editor, a copyeditor, a cover designer, a formatter, etc. That adds up, and it’s a long time before I get on the plus side of the ledger for an indie book. I get total creative control, which is nice. But I personally prefer having somebody write me a check at the start, and having that sure cash.

        Since I get to do both, I feel like I get the best of both worlds, though. If I get an advance, I can use that to bankroll an indie passion project.

      2. Salamander*

        That has to be a job that’s both hard and wonderful! I’ve always wondered what it’s like on the reviewer side. I choke when I have to give crits to friends.

        1. Proofin' Amy*

          I spent a few years as an editor in book publishing, and then I worked for an entertainment database writing up descriptions of genre books (mystery, romance, sf, etc.); on the strength of that, I got a reviewing gig (mostly romance and women’s fiction reviews) at a publishing trade magazine. A friend of mine who reviewed audiobooks at that same magazine knew my interest in audiobooks, and let me know that he was giving up that gig. So I applied for it and started reviewing both. I interviewed for a job at another publishing trade magazine (you’ll know the one, Salamander: It’s the one whose motto is “world’s toughest reviewer”), and while I didn’t get the job, they suggested I review for them. Since the money was better and it was my preferred genre (science fiction), I took it. I was still reviewing audiobooks for the other magazine, but when they seemed in danger of going under, I took a second audiobook reviewing gig with a magazine that’s specific to audiobooks. The first magazine rallied, and I reviewed for both for a while, until the friend who recommended me initially told me that the science fiction trade publishing magazine was looking for an audiobook columnist, so I dumped my other two audiobook reviewing gigs for that.

          As far as I know, I am the only person who actually gets paid to write an audiobook column under her own name.

          The other two trade publishing magazines publish what are called “semi-anonymous reviews”: If you write for them, your name gets published in the masthead, but your name is not associated with specifici reviews. In fact, I was/am contractually obligated not to say which reviews are mine. That makes it a lot easier to review honestly, which is a real issue for me: Science fiction is a terribly incestuous genre, with a lot of professional and social mixing. For the most part, if I don’t know the author personally, I do know her agent or her editor.

          The other place where I reviewed audiobooks associated each review with your initials, and there was a key in the front. My current audiobook column uses my name, but this particular magazine is a lot more collegial, and the review voice is friendlier. I generally don’t get nasty unless it’s truly awful.

          You can’t live on reviewing, so I do have a day job which I need to get back to. I can say more about the reviewing process later.

          1. Salamander*

            This is super-interesting to see this side of the industry. Thank you for the glimpse! I’d love to hear more about it if you have time.

            And I grinned when I read “world’s toughest reviewer.” Love those folks to pieces!

      3. Anonsies*

        @Proofin’ Amy

        Delurking for this – probably the closest thing to a “dream job” that I can imagine. Seconding the call for details! How does one enter this kind of industry?

  185. Terra Firma*

    I’ve worked in Paid Search (Google/YouTube and Bing Ads) and then Paid Social (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest Ads) for almost 10 years now.

    I can help with anything AdWords related including Google Certification, or Facebook related including Blueprint Certification.

  186. RJGM*

    Comment thread is already quite long, but…

    BOOK RECS! Tell me what you like and I’ll give you a [fiction] recommendation. I read fairly widely across genres — though almost all fiction — and I’ve listened to a lot of great audiobooks recently. Dispensing recommendations is basically my favorite thing to do.

    1. HR Girl*

      I read a book recently called The Butterfly Garden. It’s a bit dark but I’m really into murder/mystery type books!

      1. Victoria Nonprofit (USA)*

        I’m not a big mystery reader, but my favorite mystery-esque novel is The City & The City. I won’t give much away, but I read it years ago and I’m still trying to decide how the central context of the book works. Love.

      2. RJGM*

        I LOVED the Butterfly Garden! The sequel came out last year, I think, but I haven’t read it yet.

        Have you read any Gillian Flynn? I liked Sharp Objects more than Gone Girl, but they’re both fabulous (and self-harm TW for Sharp Objects — I found it kind of difficult in places).

        1. HR Girl*

          You just blew my mind because I had no idea the sequel was out! I’ve been reading a few by Gilly Macmillan. I have read What She Knew and I just started reading The Perfect Girl.

    2. Victoria Nonprofit (USA)*

      Oooh, me too! I read lottttsssss. RJGM, if you don’t mind I’ll piggyback here and chime in with some suggestions too.

      RJGM, I’ll take you up on your offer. My three favorite novels are The Brothers K, The Art of Fielding, and A Little Life. Any suggestions?

      1. RJGM*

        Ahhh, I haven’t read any of those!

        From a quick skim of the Goodreads description of those, though, you’d probably like Pachinko. I recommended it on here before (and then Alison featured it on an open thread – *clutches heart*) but it’s an amazing family drama. You may also enjoy The Nest, though I didn’t like that one as much…

        1. Victoria Nonprofit (USA)*

          I enjoyed The Nest, but it isn’t a favorite. I’m a couple months in to the wait at the library for Pachinko. I can’t wait!

          What’s the best novel you’ve read lately?

          1. RJGM*

            My last five-star novel was Blood Water Paint, which is a novel in verse about a 17th-century female painter. Before that, a reread of The Knife of Never Letting Go (in the words of a Twitter friend: “more like Knife of Tearing My Heart Out.”)

            Not a novel: Tom Hanks’ Uncommon Type. I listened to the audio, narrated by the author, and it was fabulous. A full cast performed the last story, which was fantastic. He’s an incredibly talented writer (and person in general).

      2. RA*

        Victoria, have you tried Fates and Furies, by Lauren Groff? Not my personal fave, but it sounds similar (to me!) to what you’ve listed here.

        1. Victoria Nonprofit (USA)*

          I haven’t! But my husband is reading it, so I’ll get a crack at it once he’s finished.

      1. RJGM*

        MY FAVE. I don’t have so much true crime — unless you want podcast/TV show recs as well — but I love reading thriller/horror.

        The whole Hannibal Lecter series is great (even the prequel, do not @ me). UNSUB by Meg Gardiner is pretty good. It’s beyond cheesy to recommend Stephen King, but… Stephen King. The Diviners is good if you prefer YA-type, though I’m not sure about the genre? And I read A Kiss Before Dying in one sitting and LITERALLY GASPED at the end.

      2. RA*

        Have you read In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote? True crime classic! And how about The Devil in the White City, by Erik Larson? It’s super creepy and fascinating. Oh! And Under the Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer?

        1. RJGM*

          Those first two are on my list for this year! I also recently read The Stranger Beside Me — written by Ted Bundy’s best friend. Anyone Out There, you might like that one, though I listened to the abridged audiobook and was a little disappointed.

          1. RJGM*

            …I said “best friend” and immediately realized that that’s wrong, so disregard that part. His FRIEND, full stop. (I think she may have been described to me as “best friend,” which is part of why I was disappointed.)

      3. SSDGM*

        If you have a good sense of humor and love true crime, you simply MUST check out the podcast “My Favorite Murder” and you won’t regret it!

    4. Turkletina*

      My favorite book of all time is One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I like my fiction dark in general. Would love some recommendations!

      1. RJGM*

        Yay, that’s on my list to read this year! For some reason that one is connected in my mind to A Clockwork Orange and American Psycho — maybe because they’re all super dark “classic”-ish movies and people don’t really know the books?

        1. Turkletina*

          Makes sense! I read (and really liked) A Clockwork Orange, but I’ve never read American Psycho.

          1. RJGM*

            I could talk for HOURS about how great American Psycho is. It lost me a little bit about 75% through but picked up again for the end — and there are one or two scenes in it that will, uh, stay with me forever. It’s a liiiiiiittle more graphic than the movie.

      2. Victoria Nonprofit (USA)*

        You might be interested in my all-time fave A Little Life. I warn most people off of it because it’s so, so painful (beautiful, but painful) but it sounds like you may be up for it.

        1. Pat Benetardis*

          I’ve just read this, earlier in the month. Such an amazing book ! Although maybe not for everyone.

      3. RA*

        For dark fiction, how about Dark Matter, by Blake Crouch? I just finished this last night and am on high from it because it BLEW MY MIND. Not to overhype it, but you know. If you like sci-fi or fantasy, you could try All the Birds in the Sky, by Charlie Jane Anders, or Speak, by Louisa Hall. Or, have you read The Guineveres, by Sarah Domet? Lincoln in the Bardo, by George Saunders, is dark and weird and beautiful. Think of it more like poetry/theater instead of a typical novel. How about Neil Gaiman, especially The Ocean At the End of the Lane? And Underground Airlines is dark speculative fiction / alternative history, about if slavery had not been abolished.

        If you like short stories, I highly recommend The Paper Menagerie collection by Ken Liu, and also Karen Russell’s two collections: St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, and Vampires in the Lemon Grove. Both are fantastical and eerie but definitely dark.

    5. Morning Glory*

      I love Edward Rutherfurd/James Michener type books that focus on a place across many generations. Any suggestions for other authors (particularly interested in POC and female perspectives) for these kinds of historical sagas?

      1. RJGM*

        This isn’t my usual genre (help me out, somebody? Victoria/RA?) so I’m going to recommend Pachinko again — it’s a family, not a place, but it’s definitely a historical [fiction] saga.

        Actually, Edward Rutherford sounds like somebody Mr M would be into, so I appreciate the reverse recommendation! :)

        1. Snargulfuss*

          I second the recommendation for Homegoing.
          Ursula, Under doesn’t focus on one place but it’s a multi-generational novel done in a really interesting way.

      2. RA*

        Hmm, this is not my bag, either. Multigenerational sagas make me think of Gabriel Garcia Marquez (One Hundred Years of Solitude; Love in the Time of Cholera) and Isabel Allende (I have read The House of the Spirits and Island Beneath the Sea, but she has so many others!). Female characters figure prominently in both!

        I also thought of Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follett, but I haven’t read that, so maybe not?

        I did a quick Google and found this list from Book Riot: https://bookriot.com/2017/06/15/100-must-read-generational-family-novels/

        Of these, I have read and recommend:
        East of Eden, by John Steinbeck
        Homegoing, by Yaa Gyasi (big ups on the female and POC perspective!)
        Middlesex, by Jeffrey Eugenides
        The Joy Luck Club, by Amy Tan
        Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson (YESSS)
        A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith
        The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver

        I Capture the Castle is on this list, and I love it, but I don’t think it’s what you’re looking for. But read it! It’s good!

        1. RJGM*

          Middlesex! Poisonwood Bible! Why didn’t I think of those? (Middlesex might be my #1 audiobook of all time.)

          Can vouch for these on the list as well:
          -Anna Karenina (though I literally drew a diagram to keep the characters straight)
          -Glass Castle (will break your heart)
          -Things Fall Apart (reread this one for my book club – much better as an adult than a high school student)
          -The Godfather (writing style takes some getting used to)

          My grandma read Killers of the Flower Moon last year, too, and recommended it to me. Not my thing, really, but she enjoyed it. She’s from Oklahoma, which probably helped.

      3. Sparkly Librarian*

        Ken Follett: Pillars of the Earth
        Octavia Butler: Wild Seed (Patternist series)
        John Jakes: American Dreams, Homeland (The Crown Family series)

    6. Roja*

      Oooh, I’ll take you up on that! I love, love, love mysteries. Think Agatha Christie’s Poirot/Tommy and Tuppence, Dorothy Sayers, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (of course), P. D. James, Rex Stout, Nevada Barr, and Louise Penny… those are my favorites thus far. Any recommendations along that general vein? I’m not really a big fan of the brightly colored, themed mysteries, like the food mysteries and whatnot. I like my books to have a bit of philosophy or history attached or something besides just light reading.

      1. RJGM*

        I fully believe that Gillian Flynn is Agatha Christie reincarnated. If you haven’t read any of her stuff, I’d start there; Flynn’s books don’t necessarily follow the mystery-novel formula of murder / interview suspects / arrest the wrong guy / arrest the right guy, but they have the same sort of dark twisty feel as a lot of Christie’s stories.

        GoodReads recommends Gaston Leroux for readers who enjoy Agatha Christie as well. I don’t think I would’ve paired those two, but I thoroughly enjoyed The Phantom of the Opera (enjoyed it more than I thought I would).

        GoodReads also pairs Arthur Conan Doyle with Neil Gaiman, which: ???, but also YES. I like to say that my religion is “Gaimanism;” you can’t go wrong with any of his books, though they’re not strictly “mystery” either.

        1. Roja*

          I haven’t heard of any of those authors before, so thanks a million! I’ll definitely have lots to check out now. :)

      2. Peanut*

        Try Deborah Crombie if you haven’t already. I read and love most of the authors you mentioned, and Crombie is who immediately came to mind.

    7. fort hiss*

      Okay, I am totally obsessed with the Southern Reach series, have you got anything similar I might like? I like weird fiction, especially when it’s focused on women. Some of my other favorite books are We Have Always Lived in the Castle, House of Leaves, Pale Fire, the Earthsea novels…

      1. RA*

        RJGM, I’m jumping in here because “weird” is exactly the type of book I love! Here are some recs in that vein:

        Focus on women:
        All the Birds in the Sky, by Charlie Jane Anders
        Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson
        Shine Shine Shine, by Lydia Netze
        The Bees, by Laline Paull

        And then some other weird ones:
        The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman
        Speak, by Louisa Hall
        The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories, by Ken Liu
        Beatrice and Virgil, by Yann Martel
        St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, by Karen Russell
        The Sparrow, by Maria Doria Russell
        Lincoln in the Bardo, by George Saunders

        2. RJGM*

          Yay, thanks! Love to see Neil Gaiman up there. <3

          I was going to recommend Here & There, by Joshua V. Scher. I haven't read House of Leaves (yet – I just bought it), but when my friend described it to me, I immediately thought of Here & There. It's a story within a story within a story (…within a story? I've lost track) about TIME TRAVEL. You'll be super confused at first, but I promise it works out.

          Also, my favorite, love of my life: John Dies at the End, by David Wong. If you've seen the movie… the book is better. The sequel, This Book is Full of Spiders, is also a delight, and the third book, What the Hell Did I Just Read, came out last year and has 4.5 stars on GoodReads with over 3,000 ratings. Wong's other book, Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, is better IMO, but is a little less "weird."

          1. RJGM*

            Wait, not time travel — it’s teleportation. Which is better, I think, since it hasn’t been done to death.

            It’s early and I’m sick… forgive me. >_<

  187. Inspector Spacetime*

    I just went through the law school application process. If anyone has questions about the LSAT or whatever, feel free to ask.

  188. HR Girl*

    Although I work in HR, I am makeup OBSESSED and would love to help anyone with any questions they may have!

    1. Sabrina Spellman*

      I’ve never worn makeup before (LAZINESS!), but I see people who look like they’re airbrushed and I want to know how to do that!

      1. HR Girl*

        There are certain foundations and powders that can give you that airbrushed look! It all starts with the skin though! Taking care of your skin by cleansing and moisturizing day and night will give you makeup a better base to sit on. I hope this helps :)

    2. Jayess*

      I’m trying to look slightly more polished as I am working in a more “professional” role than previous. I have spent nearly 30 years not wearing any makeup, and even the beginner videos are intimidating to me. I want something that will look natural, and take less than 10 minutes to apply…. I’ve started getting better at skin care (moisturizer made a shocking difference to my face – count me a believer) but what would be some completely dummy-proof, simple makeup tips that you would consider core skills/necessities?

      1. Karo*

        Hopefully HR Girl will have some helpful tips, but do you have any friends that are into makeup? I was in the same boat as you until like a month ago, but to get started I literally made a friend go to Ulta with me and walk me around and (1) tell me what to buy and (2) put that stuff on my face and tell me what she was doing as she was doing it. I spent a lot of money but I’m confident with the simple stuff I’m doing. Plus, because she was dealing with my actual face she was able to give me tips that were specific to me. I know that Ulta offers a make-up service where you can buy all the stuff they use, but I have to assume that they’re told to push a certain product, whereas my friend was just grabbing the stuff she knew worked well.

      2. HR Girl*

        I would say if you are new to make upyou should focus on accentuating your features. Brows, eyes and lips! My go to makeup for work is swiping on some tinted brow gel, mascara, and lip gloss and then I’m out the door! If you have extra time I apply CC Cream (because they aren’t so heavy on the skin) blush and bronzer! And yes the best way to ensure the makeup sits on your skin nicely is to take care of your skin. Cleanse and moisturize day and night.

        1. CatCat*

          What is brow gel and how do you use it? I am intrigued by your simple regimen here. I am interested in something like this. I don’t use makeup often, but I’d like to know about accentuating my brows, which isn’t something I really ever thought of before.

          1. Yet Another HR Pro*

            I’m obsessed with Glossier’s boy brow. I’ve also used Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz which is a great eyebrow pencil but I prefer boy brow because it’s so much easier to apply and you get a very natural-and-still-your-brows-but-better look.

            Shamelessly providing my referral link for Glossier below, you can get 10% off your first order!
            http://bff.glossier.com/hIkBO

          2. HR Girl*

            I use essence make me brow for brows. It’s only 3 bucks at Ulta and just adds the right amount of color to my brows making them less sparse in certain places and my brows still look natural.

  189. Poppy Weasel*

    I work in email marketing if anyone has any questions about that! Specifically using it for non-profit fundraising.

    1. ALPA*

      Have you ever done an upgrade campaign for monthly donors because that’s what I’m working on right now and it’s killllling me

      1. Poppy Weasel*

        Yes! Just finished one in fact! It took a LOT of prep work and so much attention to detail to keep it on track.

        1. DarlingBee*

          Do you do any kind of analysis or testing of your campaigns? What are your favorite go-to apps and tools to do this?

          1. Poppy Weasel*

            Yes! We tend to do a lot of testing right through our CRMs when it comes to open rates/clickthrough rates/income, etc. My company has a separate department that handles in-depth analysis so I can’t speak to all the magic they perform, but my department is responsible for top-line stuff. Online statistical significance calculators come in really handy.

            Optimizely is a great tool for testing landing pages, donation forms, etc, and it’s fairly easy to use and understand.

  190. JoAnna*

    I’m writing a book about balancing faith, work, and family (Catholic mom of six who has worked full-time since 2003).

    I also have considerable knowledge about Natural Family Planning (NFP user since 2003 as well), and, unfortunately, miscarriage (I’ve had four).

    1. Tableau Wizard*

      I’m of a different Christian faith, but one where typically moms stay home with the kids. I’m also a working mom and sometimes struggle with this difference because it can easily be a reason to be excluded. Have you encountered the same thing? How have you dealt with this?

      1. JoAnna*

        Oh, absolutely. That mentality is fairly common in Catholic circles, unfortunately. I dealt with it by starting a Facebook support group for Catholic working mothers. We have over 4,000 members now! It’s also the reason I started my blog (linked to my name) and why I’m writing my book. Women in our situation need support and community.

        I also remind myself that I am sincerely doing what I believe God is calling me to do, and ultimately I answer to Him, not the haters.

  191. Cedrus Libani*

    I’m a biologist. Right now, I work on genetic testing / personal genomics. I’ve also worked on cancer, HIV, and GMOs.

    No, [plant-based thing] does not cure cancer. Whoever told you that probably has a [plant] tree in their yard, and is making piles of money off the desperate and science-illiterate. These scammers will be fed to the lab rats once the Global Science Conspiracy finally takes power, but alas, not yet.

    Any other questions? =)

      1. Cedrus Libani*

        I make the stuff that a 23andMe type company would use to do their testing.

        A big thing is expanding the test panel to work for more diverse populations – the current ones were built for white people, and the “risk markers” are based on data that’s also mostly from white people, so unsurprisingly the results from 23andMe (et al) are a lot more reliable if you’re white. So we’re working with a number of governments that would like to do genomics research – given a few hundred genome sequences, we can make a test panel that works for your people.

        Also, there’s a huge push to do non-human stuff. You want to find the best llamas for your breeding program? We can make a 23andMe-style test for llamas, it’s probably not in the catalog yet, but if there’s a market…sure, we’ll make it happen.

        My team deals with the weird corner cases (biology is good at those). If you want to push the limits of what the technology is capable of, you’re going to be working with us. There’s another team that cranks out the routine designs. It’s an interesting mix of research, process development, and shameless hackery. Mostly, my day-to-day involves rolling around in a pile of messy data – which is absolutely my thing.

        1. Tardigrade*

          Mostly, my day-to-day involves rolling around in a pile of messy data – which is absolutely my thing.

          Haha! You do you. Genetics is fascinating to me generally, and your specific work sounds pretty cool too.

    2. Magda*

      Hi, I’m a doctor and I have a hard time persuading some of my patients that [random diet supplement] won’t cure their very real disease but taking real medicine might help.
      Any tips on how to bring it home to them? Good one-liners to make them think?

  192. Bossy Magoo*

    Any HubSpot experts? I’m trying to figure out in Email Design Manager, how to get it so that the code screen wraps, so I don’t have to keep scrolling all the way to the right to see my full line of code.

  193. Amelia*

    I’m great at excel, decent at Bash and Python, especially at text/number processing. Ask me anything!

      1. Amelia*

        I work in bioinformatics and human genomics. So a lot of processing DNA strings of ATCG and pattern seeking.

  194. roadtrips*

    I can answer questions about long-term care (like the difference between Independent Living, Assisted Living, Memory Care, and Skilled Nursing) and what to look for in a community. Also writing an Advance Directive and questions about the Right To Die act (in CA). Really anything non-legal/financial about end-of-life planning/long-term care (although I can give general financial advice, nothing specific).

    1. Jesmlet*

      Will piggyback on this and say that I can answer questions about in-home care for the elderly (also nannies and housekeepers but doubt that’s useful to anyone). Where to look, what to ask, costs, private vs agency, expectations, needs, etc.

    2. Catabodua*

      What is your advice to families on resetting expectations from your elderly relative about how much time you can give them?

      Specific example – we finally convinced my father (83) to move into an Assisted Living location and it seems like it’s working well. He’s finally eating real food again, has company when he wants it, goes on field trips, etc. They even get him to church once a week.

      However, he still complains to me that he doesn’t see us enough. I spend every Sunday with him, generally for 6 -8 hours. I pick him up, take him on errands, run to the cemetery to visit mom’s grave, have dinner at my house, then bring him back to the place. All this while I also work full time, have young kids who are involved in sports and a marriage to maintain.

      One of the times he said he feels like I don’t spend enough time I had had enough and was blunt and said “Dad, I can’t come more. I can’t do more. This is what I can do.” He was upset and ranted about everyone forgetting him and wanting him to just die, all of which I ignored, dropped him off and told him to have a good week. He didn’t complain for two weeks, but then the complaints were back about not seeing us enough.

      So, long winded, but again – any advice on resetting expectations from your elderly relative about how much time you can give them? Anything that you’ve seen get through?

      1. Jesmlet*

        How much time were you spending with him before compared to now? Does it sound like he’s made any friends there?

        1. Catabodua*

          I think he has made friends. When I go there he’s greeted by both residents and staff frequently, and he’s able to fill me in on all the gossip going around. He’s not just sitting in his room by himself. The place posts pictures of their activities on their Facebook page and he’s at every activity.

          This is more time than I have spent with him in the past. Prior to my mother passing away we would still see them weekly but he’d drive her to my house, make sure she got inside, and then he’d leave to “do some errands” (read: my young kids drive him nuts so he didn’t want to spend a lot of time with them) and then come back and pick her up. So while I’d see him weekly we didn’t spend 6-8 hours with each other like we do now.

          And, yes, I know part of this is him still in the grieving process.

      2. roadtrips*

        How long has he been there? Sometimes the transition from living at home to assisted living is harder than it might seem, and it takes longer than you’d think for people to really settle in. It sounds like you have a really nice routine going – but it might be difficult to leave from your house and need to go back to a place that still feels a little unfamiliar or uncomfortable. How would you feel about switching the routine a little bit so you can drop him off at his place and maybe share dinner with him there? Or line up your leaving with an activity he participates in?

        Other practical suggestions I’d have is talking to a staff member and letting them know that your dad is having a hard adjustment – an activity or life enrichment director, a chaplain, or a social worker might be good people to check in with. They can keep an eye on things and let you know how your dad is adjusting overall. It might be that he’s complaining a lot to you, but once he gets into the swing of things at the community it’s better. I know it doesn’t solve your immediate problem, but it might be helpful to know that he’s not miserable all the time. They can also back you up – if they know that this is a struggle for you they can re-direct your dad if he starts complaining.

        Or re-direction. Instead of engaging by giving him reasons – because no matter how valid your reasons are it sounds like he’s set on hearing them as a rejection – just listen actively and let him know that you’ve heard him (like, I know you want to see me more, I understand) or whatever you want to say, and change the subject. If you’re on a car-ride back and he starts down the rabbit hole of complaining, you can abruptly change the subject, maybe to a happy memory. So, for example, if he starts complaining, you can say: “I hear you” and then maybe say, “oh, I was wondering if you remembered that place we used to go camping, I was trying to think of it the other day” or whatever to start reminiscing. And then when you arrive back to his place you’ve been having a much more pleasant conversation. This doesn’t always work, but it’s a technique that I’ve used a lot when people are really upset, and it’s especially useful if people have memory loss, which may or may not apply to your dad.

        The final thing I’ll say (and sorry, this is long!) is to forgive yourself. This is really hard, and unfortunately, sometimes there’s not a good answer. As you said, you’re doing a lot already and I think that oftentimes the fact that we don’t have supportive systems of care or livable communities for older folks ends up making family members feel like they’ve failed somehow. But it isn’t you – just remind yourself that although your dad’s frustration is real, you can only do what you can do – and trust me, he does love you and appreciate you. It’s just an incredibly difficult transition! Good luck.

        1. Catabodua*

          Please, reply with comments as long as you’d like. I can try the re-direction technique as we start down the complaint rabbit hole. I’ll have to think of topics ahead of time to have them in my back pocket and ready to go.

          I’m not trying to make him sound awful, but this isn’t someone who was a warm and fuzzy guy. My fond childhood memories are wrapped up in my mom, with him as sort of a background player driving us places.

          The passive listening doesn’t work with him. He gets more agitated “yeah, you hear me, everyone hears me, no one has answers!”

          We (my siblings and I) do check in with the staff at the facility often and they paint a completely different picture of this happy guy who’s doing great. So it’s likely he’s using me as his “safe harbor” to bitch but isn’t as unhappy as he likes to make it seem. He’s been there for 5 months now.

          1. Cedrus Libani*

            Perhaps you can be direct with him. You’ve only got so much time to spend with him, and right now you’re spending it having the same conversation over and over, which isn’t healthy. You can’t make him stop, but you can tell him that if he insists, you are going to leave. You’re probably going to have to make good on that a couple times, but still.

          2. roadtrips*

            I’d say, if family memories are more difficult – ask him about himself. For re-direction, I’d recommend staying away from more current memories; you’re likely to have less success if you focus on things like what he’s doing at the Assisted Living community and what friends he’s making, as that’s likely to be associated with how he wants you to spend more time with him. Instead, focus on things from his more distant past – is there a story that he particularly likes to tell? The key to re-direction is to keep asking questions – just say the first thing you think of. So, for instance, you could ask him about where he grew up, and ask him what he did during the summers when he was a kid, who he played with, etc. And let the stories bring up more stories. Most resources about redirection deal with memory loss, but even if that’s not happening they’ll have some useful techniques for general use. I’d recommend looking up Teepa Snow; there are some good youtube videos where she demonstrates de-escalating and redirecting.

    3. cat socks*

      My mom and dad are 61 and 67. My mom still works as a teacher and is in good health. My dad has Parkinson’s and is able to get around the house okay, but doesn’t drive any more. He has balance mobility issues and has to be careful when taking the stairs, etc.

      My mom is already starting to look at options for retirement homes and assisted living. I had no idea they were so expensive. I think it is too early for them to move into assisted care especially since she is still active, but I’m glad she is doing some research.

      As my Dad’s disease progresses, I think in home care would be the next step. How do you find reputable care?

      Luckily they have done quite well financially, but I have also heard that you have to pay more for assisted living based on your income? Is that true?

      1. Catabodua*

        I’ll let those experts reply, but we have not found that assisted living is based off income. It’s a flat rate. The big difference is that assisted living facilities (at least in my neck of the woods) never flip over to Title 19. As in, when you run out of money, they evict you. Whereas a nursing home / skilled care facility does flip over after you pass beneath certain asset/income levels.

        Tell your mom and dad to get to an estate planning lawyer today. Get assets placed in a way that protects them the best.

        Another thing to keep in mind for the cost of assisted living – add up all the stuff they cover and that they currently pay and you might not see as much of a difference as you think. For example, food bills go away, property taxes, utilities, cable (depending on the location) and possibly their mortgage or other housing costs. All of that is gone and replaced by the cost for the facility, which for us includes 24/7 CNAs, a life alert system, plus they drive my dad to doctor’s appointments.

      2. roadtrips*

        There are a couple threads here to address:
        1. How does your dad feel and how involved is he in conversations about his care? I bring this up because I think that if he’s open to being a part of the conversation and can talk about what’s happening with his health and is able to participate in conversations about the future without becoming too anxious, that makes it a lot easier. If conversations about the future are difficult for him, it might be helpful to bring in a third person – a Licensed Social Worker (LSCW) could be helpful. There are social workers whose focus is more holistic – they’ll be able to take on a counselor like role while also connecting your family to resources. You can find an LSCW that operates independently or through your healthcare group, although I don’t know exactly what insurance might cover.
        2. If your parents opt for in-home care, I’d recommend going through a home health-care agency as opposed to hiring someone, say, off of craigslist. The ideal is if you can establish a relationship with a social worker and they can recommend someone for you. Word-of-mouth is often helpful as well; if your parents are a part of a support group for Parkinson’s the members or facilitators will likely have recommendations. That said, it can be challenging to find a good fit, and your parents might have to search for a bit to find someone (or a few people, depending on the need), that’s a good fit.
        3. Assisted Living can be very expensive. I won’t go into all of the reasons for it, but basically, it’s generally not covered by medicare (there are some waivers that will partially cover AL for some people, but that’s something your parents would need to look into). If your parents have long-term care insurance, that should apply to most assisted living communities. Anyway, I could go on for a very long time about this, but I second the recommendation for an estate planner. I’d also recommend some resources: LeadingAge’s Center for Housing Plus Services; AARP and the National Institute on Aging have some good resources for planning long term care as well.
        4. My two biggest recommendations for long term care planning are ultimately pretty simple: first, conversations early and often with everyone who will be affected (so, your parents, you, your siblings if applicable); and second, ask for help! Your parents are starting early, which is great. There are a lot of resources out there. Look up your area agency on aging, talk to doctors, join support groups, and ask family and friends who have been through this journey what their experience was like.

        1. Catabodua*

          My bit to add – home health agencies have insurance coverage for employees. A person you hire off Craig’s list can sue you if they are injured in your home and possibly cause a large portion of the nest egg you are relying on for their care to go away. Nevermind that it also opens you up to all sorts of issues about paying someone without taking taxes, etc.

      3. Jesmlet*

        It depends on the financials – can they afford private pay, do they have long term care insurance, will they be using Medicare? Certain agencies only accept certain forms of payment. It also depends on what kind of schedule. Will they want to start of slow, or are they ready for live-in care?

        The cost really depends on where you live. I’m in New England and if you’re hiring privately, an excellent caregiver will cost you $20-25/hour or $200-250/24hr. You can get a great one for $15-20/hour. The best ones get all their jobs from word of mouth and wouldn’t take less than that. Agencies usually have anywhere from a 15-40% markup but pay their caregivers less.

        How comfortable are you managing payroll? Will you need a company to manage that for you? Another downside of private is you don’t have the liability insurance, workman’s comp, etc.

        Either way, we lean in on the references. If you’re going the agency route, find one with decent reviews and ask lots of questions! How do they recruit? Do they meet them in person? A lot surprisingly don’t. Most agencies have the policy to only give out dates of employment whereas we specifically request caregivers to ask permission from the family to give us a reference. What’s their process if someone isn’t clicking with your parents? Request someone with prior Parkinson’s experience. See if interviewing options is a possibility. They deserve to have someone who makes them happy, not just someone who meets their most basic needs.

        If private, there are great caregivers on Care.com (it’s not just for nannies). Better yet, ask around. If their friends have in-home care, do their caregivers know anyone they can recommend? It’s not foolproof but generally good caregivers know other good caregivers. Look for someone who has worked privately before, ask what certifications they have, most states have an accessible website where you can check the status of their certification. Do your due diligence in speaking with references and checking their background. Ask about their previous clients, ask why they chose this career path, ask what’s important to them. At the end of the day, proficiency is half the battle but warmth and flexibility and friendliness is equally important.

  195. RJGM*

    Also, a request for help:

    I have a book club. We’re on Twitter (@ReadWorldClub and, this month, #ReadingMorocco) and Facebook (A Club of Reading the World), and I have an in-person meeting at my apartment once a month. This was supposed to be a way to meet new people, but I have no idea how to grow/market it! A few friends come over for it, but they never read the book (which is fine; we also do food), and I haven’t actually met anyone new through it yet.

    Any advice on expanding this a little bit?

    I’ve also considered turning the club into a subscription box, since we choose a book + food from a different country every month, so advice on that would be welcome too.

    1. RA*

      Hmm. The online and in-person aspects are interesting here. A few ideas:

      Ask people to invite friends to the next in-person gathering, and maybe that one is not as reading-heavy? Maybe do a book swap or something instead?
      Do a giveaway on social media
      Advertise at the local library – or maybe even hold it there occasionally? Sometimes, a person’s home can feel intimidating

      1. RJGM*

        I’ve thought about hosting at the library! I know their program rooms don’t allow alcohol, but I need to double-check that food is okay. That’s, like, 70% of the point of the in-person meeting, hahaha.

        And I’ve done one giveaway, but I have more followers on Twitter now, so I should probably try another one. Seems like a good way to, at least temporarily, boost my following – and then at least one other person will have the book!

        I like the idea of a book swap, too. Thank you <3

    2. Witty Nickname*

      Is Meet Up active in your city? A friend was just telling me yesterday that she joined a book club that way; it’s a club that has chapters all over the world -they all read the same book at the same time, meet with their local chapter, etc.

      My husband is a founding member of a book club that’s been going strong for about 6 years now. They purposefully keep it on the smaller side (I think at their largest, there were 12 members – a couple moved away last year, and they haven’t replaced them yet). But when they do replace members who have left, they usually do it through recommendations from others in the club.

      They also do a joint holiday party every December with another book club that has some crossover membership, but focuses on a different genre (they all either read the same book or skip the book that month). If you can find another club to do occasional meetings with, that might help increase your membership.

      1. RJGM*

        Excellent ideas, thanks! I looked into MeetUp — that’s how Mr M found his rugby team, and they’re now some of our closest friends — but I wasn’t sure about paying for an “organizer” membership. I definitely like the idea of partnering with another club, though.

  196. Purple Jello*

    Does anyone have suggestions for dealing with a spouse who likes to keep things “just in case”? I’m not saying he’s OCD, but he has some of the symptoms, including hoarding. We have things we forgot we had, so bought more

    1. Damn it, Hardison!*

      My suggestions, in no particular order, and with the caveat that I do know it’s easier said than done. Know what you already have on hand, particularly for those things that your spouse is concerned about not having/needing more of. Try coming up together with a series of questions to ask when evaluating keeping/buying something – for example, what specifically do we need this for? What is the likelihood that we will need it? If we don’t have it, what is consequence? Can we go buy X quickly if we need it? For dealing with stuff already in your house, start with things that your spouse is not as attached to, and leave the things that are really important to them to the end. Compassion and patience are key, which you already know. If therapy is an option I encourage it if you think he is in hoarding territory. That is not a laziness/disorganization issue but one often with underlying mental health issues that have to be addresses in order to make any permanent progress. Best of luck!

    2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      Damn it, Hardison! has some really good ideas. Something else I’d add would be to create a formal tracking system for “things we have just in case.” There would be a fair bit of legwork involved, but your spouse might find that it’s helpful to him to work with the urge but channel it productively rather than forcing himself to toss stuff. If nothing else, it would help prevent the “forgot we had it so bought more” phenomenon.

    3. Admin of Sys*

      Hoarding runs in my family, so I have much sympathy. I’ve found it can help to have declared spaces and/or containers for the supplies. Spare office supplies are great, but they all belong in this one drawer, and if they don’t fit in the one drawer, then you don’t need those supplies. Since there’s a space for highlighters, and there are highlighters in that space, you obviously don’t need more highlighters.
      (note: this can increase anxiety if there’s issues about out-of-place things, so ymmv)
      Same thing with first aid or craft supplies or whatever. I have color coded bins in my craft room, and I can have as many misc red craft supplies as I want – as long as they all fit in the red box. If I buy something and it doesn’t fit, then I have to get rid of something I like less than the new thing I bought.
      Lists are also helpful. The two of you could sit down and figure out what the perfect ‘I should have x supplies on hand’ list is for the pantry or the office or whatever, then declare the shelf /container where those supplies will live. Create a master shopping list and purchase the items on the list. As things are used up, put them on the shopping list like you would groceries.
      So – if there’s an impulse to buy, idk, tarps because someone predicted a hurricane – you know that you have tarps on the list of things you might need in an emergency, and you have the ‘things you might need in an emergency’ kitted out in a bin in the garage, so you don’t need to buy the tarp. You still have to control for the urge to have a ‘zombie apocalypse’ level supply cache, but it keeps you from acquiring multiple versions of the same thing.

    4. Brownie*

      Seconding the therapy option. It may not be mental illness even, but a lifelong habit born out of financial insecurity, poverty, instability, all kinds of things. Therapy can help figure out the emotions behind keeping things “just in case” and help to develop healthy limits on stuff collecting.

  197. Liane*

    Looking for expertise:
    Editing–manuscripts, web articles.
    I would like to expand my skills more. While my blog title is “Copy Editor” and a previous title was “Transcription Editor” the jobs are more proofreader than anything else.
    I’m very good at this and have a little experience tightening up wording and the like. I know being an actual editor involves other skills. What are they and where/how can I start learn them?
    (It may be tonight due to work schedule before I can get back on and reply much but I will check back.

    1. oranges & lemons*

      My experience is in book editing, so I can’t say much about web editing except that I understand it’s quite different–for one thing, I think it’s more typical for web editors to also be involved with content creation, so it’s quite a different role.

      I’m not sure that anyone quite agrees on the distinctions between the different stages of the editing process, but here’s the breakdown as I typically describe it to clients (sorry if this is more detail than you’re looking for!):

      Substantive/structural editing is the first and often the most intensive step of the editing process. As the name implies, it involves assessing the book’s structure and suggesting large-scale changes. For non-fiction, this often involves making sure the progression of the book’s main “arc” or argument is clear, that all of the elements are in good balance (well fleshed out, not rambling, not given undue weight relative to importance) and in the right place. For fiction I find it’s a bit more subjective, but might involve anything from suggesting a new viewpoint character to rearranging plot points to better build tension, to giving the setting more depth. Perhaps this is what you mean by “real editing”?

      Line editing is the next step, and is sometimes combined with structural editing. This is a more granular approach, and involves focusing more on the language itself to make sure it’s doing what it needs to do to support the story–this can involve adjusting the tone, fixing clunky dialogue, revising bad sentence structure, reducing repetition, etc.

      Copy editing is the third step, and usually involves more technical issues like fixing grammatical errors, making sure the manuscript adheres to the publisher’s house style and that everything is consistent, preparing the manuscript for the designer and sometimes light fact checking.

      In book publishing, proofreading refers to marking up corrections on printed proofs, based on the final design. This is the last step of the editing process and is confined mostly to fixing typos and design errors (including things like bad breaks, widows and orphans, font irregularities, spacing issues, etc.) Many people seem to hate this but I find it relaxing.

      I’ve worked on manuscripts in all of these roles, and in my experience it’s the kind of skill you can only learn by doing–for structural editing, it’s a bit more theoretical so reading up on good strategies can be helpful (I think Betsy Lerner’s Forest for the Trees is a good resource), and if you’re really lucky it can be invaluable to be able to read an established editor’s manuscript annotations and editorial letters, but I don’t think there’s any way to get better except practice. If you can find an editing workshop that allows you to work on a “practice” manuscript and get feedback, that’s ideal, but it can be a bit pricey. If you have any author friends who would like beta readers, that can be a really good way of developing your eye for manuscript issues. To be honest, it can be easier to work on a book that’s a real mess as a beginner, because the problems are much clearer.

      One other aspect to particularly substantive editing that I think is underrated is developing a rapport with the author–it’s really important to make sure you’re on the same page and “click” with them about the direction of the manuscript, or there is a good chance they will disregard your suggestions (or worse, they might heedlessly follow all of your advice in a fit of terror even if they don’t think it’s right for the book). It’s good to establish early on that you want to work with them to figure out a shared idea of what makes sense for the book’s development, and not just dictate changes on your terms. A good way to establish an author’s trust early on is to read the manuscript very carefully and demonstrate in your initial conversation that you’ve familiarized yourself deeply with the book and are invested in its success.

      I hope that’s helpful and not too long! (Ironically my post could probably benefit from some editing.) Let me know if there is anything else I missed that you wanted to know about, or if I was totally off track.

  198. Kat B.*

    Six Sigma Black Belt here! Got into this position just over a year ago with just a little experience and 6 years of work history with the company, and I kinda love it (Not certified yet, though – working on it. That should happen later this year). Ask me questions about certification, analysis, project management, process redesign, handling qualitative data, Green Belt training/instruction/coaching, and so forth. (Or anything else, for that matter. I’m an open book.)

    1. Tableau Wizard*

      I’m also a LSS BB!

      Out of curiosity, what is your organization’s approach to training staff that aren’t fulltime process improvement folks?

      1. Kat B.*

        We put Green Belts through the same training course as the Black Belts, but they only train on the methodologies they’re actively using for their projects. So, they have to have a project charter before attending training, and then we put them through Stats, Process Redesign, or whichever, depending on what they’ll need to complete their active project. Then they’re placed under the tutelage of a Black Belt, who’s in charge of making sure they have all the support they need to do well. Usually after they close a couple of projects they’re pretty self-sufficient and only need help from the BB or MBB when they run up against something particularly sticky. If future projects require different tool sets, we send them back for another round of training. :-) How does your company approach it?

  199. AR*

    I am certified in Payroll for the federal laws. I also have expertise in WA payroll laws with a smattering of knowledge for California. Additionally I have taken classes on the new Paid Family Leave Act for WA state and the Sick Leave Law. I am pretty good at interpreting HR/Payroll laws intent versus impact and have read all of the new HR laws for WA state that have come out recently.

  200. Annastasia von Beaverhausen*

    I’m a really good knitter. It’s actually the only skill I list on my LinkedIn. :D

    1. RJGM*

      How did you learn to knit?

      I started crocheting from YouTube tutorials, but I think I misunderstood the video[s] I watched. My MIL has tried to re-teach me, which is way harder than learning the first time. :(

      1. E*

        I’ll chime in, I learned to knit on a project called the Garter Stitch Shawl (i think that was the name) knit a long by Marly Bird. She did the shawl in weekly increments with a video tutorial for each part. I could do a basic knit stitch but this project really helped me get some muscle memory and confidence in my knitting skills.

  201. Shyest*

    Graphic designer/Social Media Coordinator here.

    If anyone has questions related to design or social media, I’de be happy to help!

    1. ShyDesign*

      Hi Shyest! Question, when you first became a designer how long did it take you to build up confidence in your own work? Due to finances, I was unable to return to school for a graphic design degree but I have been working for the past 4 years teaching myself as much as possible to the point where I’m now taking on freelance work which I’m really enjoying. I think due to reading so many comments on design blogs about self-taught designers not being ‘real designers’, I’ve felt like my clients are looking at me the same way even though I haven’t received that as feedback. Any advice for becoming more confident in the field?

  202. Shrugged*

    I’m an architect with a specialty in multi-family housing. Architecture’s got a LOT of subjectivity, so most of the advice boils down to: hire someone local to you who knows the architecture type you’re working on. But I can give more general questions a shot!

  203. plynn*

    I know tons about stock photography and film, public domain photography and film, licensing and copyright issues surrounding these things and a decent amount about intellectual property.

    Trade for information about working city and regional planning or landscape architecture!

    1. AVP*

      Here’s a question that seems you-adjacent! Are there any good resources for determining whether something is in the public domain or not? I’m particularly thinking of music but in my line of work photos also come up.

      I would ideally like to find something definitive and one-stop-shop that I can take to my boss and say “Look, XXXX says this is not public domain so there you have it.” Although I know that it’s a lot more complicated than that.

      1. plynn*

        Oh, music is hard – it’s so complicated, with so many things to consider – the author of the lyrics, the arrangement, the performance and the recording. There are songs where the lyrics *should* be in the public domain, but quirks of registration have given the copyright to someone who performed a version of it.

        Unfortunately there’s no one-stop shop, although that would be *awesome*. Photographers especially have been working to embed ownership and copyright into digital files and have it immediately accessible to viewers, like a watermark over the image every time it shows up on Google, but we’re not there yet.

        I think you’ll have to train your boss to look at it from the opposite POV – assume that nothing is the public domain unless you can definitely prove that it is. That is a far safer approach and will be correct most of the time. Although there is so much amazing stuff in the public domain, the vast majority of what people assume is the public domain, isn’t. Also “Public Domain” does not mean “publically accessible”. Your boss might be thinking that if you can find it and get a copy, then you’re okay to use it. Feel free to beat this idea out of him.

    2. AVP*

      Sorry I have no planning experience at all to trade on but I’m a documentary producer if you have any questions that might work into that.

      1. plynn*

        I read a lot of advice written for documentarians – what kind of permissions you need for archival footage and photographs, etc. On one hand it’s very straightforward for documentaries – since they are reportage/commentary, you don’t need a release for the people or locations. But since documentaries are expensive and distributors want airtight legal paperwork, producers will often go extra steps to identify and clear footage. I’ve looked into some training courses for documentarians simply because it’s one of the only places to learn this kind of thing.

    3. Kris*

      What are your favorite websites for locating free (for non-commercial use) stock photos? I’ve been using Unsplash, Morguefile, and Compfight.

      1. plynn*

        I like to go to Flickr and check out the Creative Commons offerings there, as well as places like the New York Public Library that have a huge amount of public domain imagery digitized and available. These are better if you have quite a bit of latitude in the subject and style, because you’re unlikely to find an exact match for a specific idea. I don’t usually recommend any free “stock” sites because the offerings are so dated or low res or otherwise terrible. I’ve had to rely on them in the past for zero-budget jobs and it was always a nightmare.

  204. Earthwalker*

    I’m retired. I did pretty well with retirement planning. I finally found answers to all my own “how to adult” questions – the stuff I wish I’d known when I was younger – about getting investment help, saving, and estimating how much will be needed.

      1. Earthwalker*

        I didn’t really understand time value of money. I waited to save because I thought I didn’t have enough to make a difference, but it wasn’t the amount but the years that were important. If you know how to use the PV, FV, and N functions on a spreadsheet you can teach yourself a lot about saving. I also didn’t understand how to invest wisely until my dad told me, at 30, “You WILL take the Morningstar mutual funds periodical, NOW.” It was spendy but it had data on funds (I love data) and good articles on basic investing skills without “hot tips.” Nowadays the web pages of the bigger fund companies – T Rowe Price, Fidelity, Vanguard, etc. – provide similar data, good articles, plus all sorts of analysis tools for free for customers. It’s really worth it – and encouraging – to get in and experiment with what your future might look like.

  205. Mallory*

    I’m a public/stakeholder engagement and conflict resolution specialist- Need help putting out the fires or figuring out where to start? I’m happy to help.

  206. Onward and Upward*

    I am an expert in serious mental illness and recovery from schizophrenia/psychosis, also qualitative research, research design/methods, and statistics. Any students or mental health professionals need some support?

    I am so glad that Alison suggested this and I am going to have SO much fun reading everything and learning a whole bunch!

    1. fposte*

      Is early intervention the game-changer I’ve heard? And how does the field generally view the toxoplasmosis theory?

      1. Onward and Upward*

        Yes, early intervention seems to be linked with a much more positive prognosis in psychosis, probably for a couple of reasons: 1) People who can access early psychosis interventions generally are people who are attending more to mental illness symptoms and have more access to quality (health) care generally; 2) Early intervention can mitigate some of the really awful disruptions that people with psychosis experience- leaving school, disrupted relationships and supports; and )Early psychosis programs are usually state-of-the art in terms of treatment modalities (both medication and beyond) and addressing a “whole person”- the family, school, environment, trauma issues that are also challenging. As with all psychiatric care, the quality of the program is really key to having a good effect.

        As for toxoplasmosis, there certainly seems to be an infectious disease component in the development of schizophrenia, and this is a theory that was very popular a couple of years ago, but I’ve heard a bit less about it recently. The truth is that we just don’t know why some people develop it, but it is likely an issue of the interaction of a genetic susceptibility and some sort of environmental exposure, whether that’s an infection or a trauma of some sort, mental or physical. Not a satisfying answer, I know!

    2. Help*

      My sister is a sociopath and also has Borderline Personality Disorder. My understanding is that these conditions cannot be improved or managed with medication, but instead require consistent therapy. She refused to attend therapy, blames everyone else for everything in her life…the usual things you would expect from someone suffering from these afflictions.

      I have cut her out of my life because I cannot help someone who will not help themselves and she is EXTREMELY toxic, but our parents are still trying to help her get her life together. She’s 40. My parents are aging and cannot keep having her wreak havoc on their lives (including abandoning her 3 year old with them but refusing to give up legal custody). Any advice on how my parents can try to get her to attend therapy or see reason regarding her inability to care for her own chilc?

      1. Onward and Upward*

        I’m so very sorry. That is such a painful, difficult situation, and my heart goes out to you and your family.

        Those are two characterological disorders- Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder- that are very difficult to treat, often because the person experiencing them doesn’t necessarily want to engage, or see the usefulness of treatment. Medication can be very useful at managing some of the symptoms, particularly of BPD, like depression or mood dysregulation and anxiety. Therapies, like dialectical behavioral therapy, are also very helpful to manage the symptoms and improve both functioning and distress. Trauma therapy is also incredibly valuable for people with these conditions, as is treatment for the substance use that often co-occurs.

        But forced treatment isn’t usually successful, as you’ve found. If her child isn’t an inducement to get help, there isn’t much you can do unless she is a danger to herself or others. It is terribly difficult to let go of someone you love in this way; I don’t want to underestimate that pain. But you are not likely to be able to get her to do anything until she is ready.

        The very best thing I can recommend is to seek out resources designed for families. NAMI (The National Alliance on Mental Illness) is a good place to start for resources in your area, as are local mental health treatment centers and hospitals, including your state’s mental health agency/division/department. There are support groups for families in your situation, and lots of good books and resources. Also, look into resources related to co-dependency and boundary setting.

        You cannot fix your sister, and neither can your parents; you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. But you can, and should, bolster your own mental health and address your own trauma from this, as well as that of your 3 year old niece or nephew. S/he will need you to be good role models of setting boundaries and knowing that none of you are to blame with whatever happens to your sister.

        Good luck.

        1. Help*

          THANK YOU so very much for this! It really helps to hear from a professional that there really is only so much we can do FOR her, and that it’s okay to remove myself from someone like this. Your words really did touch my heart and help soothe a lot of underlying guilt I feel for not doing more (well, no longer attempting to do anything) to help.

          You nailed it with the substance abuse, too. I forgot to mention that. She nearly died from alcoholic liver failure, but she “doesn’t have a problem” – and she has lost all of her teeth due to methamphetamine use but “doesn’t do drugs” – sadly my parents BELIEVE this, despite seeing her drug kit :( She is also a hoarder.

          We’re working on trying to convince her to let her child be adopted before more damage is done in her life. I completely agree that if her daughter did not wake her up and initiate a desire to change/improve, nothing we say or do will. I just hoped there might be some professional voodoo magic advice that would prove me wrong on that point and give her some options she would accept.

          I appreciate the guidance toward some resources for my family. I will definitely check to see if we have a local NAMI chapter and refer my parents right away.

          Thank you again for your guidance, compassion, and willingness to take time out of your day to help a stranger on the Internet <3

  207. AMT*

    I’m a mental health professional who can talk about getting an academic or professional book published. Much different process than trade publishing.

    1. Reba*

      What does a book proposal actually look like? I feel like that bit is missing from the things I’ve read about ac publishing.

      1. AMT*

        Every publisher’s format is slightly different (and they usually have author guidelines on their web sites), but it’s essentially an outline of the book. Mine looked like this:

        Chapter 1: Growth in the Teapot Sector
        – Outlines the recent rise of white chocolate teapots
        – Analyzes recent teapot durability research and its implications for blah blah blah

        And on and on for about 3-4 bullet points per chapter. They also asked for an author bio and a summary of the book with information about its audience and market. The second thing is the most important part: essentially, you’re answering the question, “Why is this book different from everything else on the market, and why isn’t there anything like it on the market?” It could be that it’s a new field, or there’s renewed interest because of recent events, or existing books haven’t been updated, or no one has written about this book for professionals as opposed to academics, or current books in the field are targeted at a different country/region — either way, you’ve got to be able to tell them why your book is necessary to begin with.

        On the topic, my publisher has a PDF about successful book proposals that actually has a “what authors say vs. what publishers hear” table. It includes gems like this:

        WHAT AUTHORS SAY: “My book has no competition.” WHAT PUBLISHERS HEAR: “I have not researched the market.” “There is no market for my book.”

        You can read it here if you’re interested: https://www.crcpress.com/rsc/downloads/r3-lr_GVCMG1712_Book_Proposal_SS.pdf

  208. LQ*

    Ugh I guess I’m sort of like an expert on SharePoint? Strong arming SharePoint into being an LMS through sheer force of will. Some elearning (storyline mostly) development.

    1. Amy*

      What’s the coolest thing you think SharePoint can do that most people don’t know about? We’re just getting started using it more at my company.

      1. LQ*

        It’s really good at workflow.

        And lists are like sharable, work on at the same timeable, display to other people in a way that works for them with infopath forms excel spreadsheets.

        Don’t treat it like a shared drive, but you can totally make it act like one in a lot of ways by opening it in the windows explorer and adding it to your favorites. You can use sharepoint without ever going to sharepoint, doing it entirely through the client app (make sure you turn on Properties in Word/Excel/PPT) and the windows explorer browser.

  209. mreasy*

    I went to a whole/healthy foods-oriented culinary school and have worked as a personal chef and food writer. Currently I am in the culinary world as ops director at a small, health-oriented CPG company. Happy to answer any Qs about healthy cooking, healthy food habits, or just delicious food, especially chocolate (my current area).

    1. anon..*

      Excellent. I’m trying to “be healthier” (read: eat less processed foods) but I loooove chocolate, particularly in baked goods! I’ve been trying to use dark chocolate (70%) to kick the cravings, but any suggestions for when that doesn’t do it?

      1. mreasy*

        I am a big fan of hot chocolate! You can make it with melted 70% chocolate or cocoa powder and not too much sugar (recipes online), and since it takes longer to consume than chocolate that you eat out of hand, it can be a lot more satisfying. Otherwise: chocolate goes great with fruit, which extends the sweet experience without adding too much sugar/calories. If you can find a chocolate bar that uses an unrefined sugar, you may find it hits your blood sugar less intensely and won’t lead to cravings as soon after eating.

  210. Rosemary7391*

    Cake decorating! I’m self taught, but if you want to know what tool you need to do X and how to get started ask away :) practice is always the thing though…

    1. CatCat*

      I have a dream to make a buche de noel. I am not a good baker so just baking the thing seems intimidating let alone decorating it. Any suggestions on learning how to decorate something like that without making a hot mess of the actual cake? I want to be prepared before I go for it!

      1. Rosemary7391*

        You can certainly find something vaguely log shaped to practise on instead of real cake! For normal cakes an upside down cake tin is the right shape. I’m trying to think of what would work for a log… maybe cut a bottle lengthways and stick it to a board?

        There are lots of ways to actually decorate the log. You could try a chocolate buttercream frosting. The nice advantage to that is that you can use vegetable shortening (the semi-solid one, crisco I think in the states) to make a practice frosting that you can just scrape off your log when you’re done and stick in a box for reuse in the next practise session. Use the back of a cutlery knife to smooth it on then pattern with a fork. Use real butter and cocoa powder for the actual frosting, and as long as it’s the same consistency it’ll work just the same. The only difference is that you’ll likely want to crumbcoat (just a thin frosting to catch the crumbs) and chill the log before you do the fancy decoration – that’ll make it easier.

        If you want to add fondant leaves or etc – you can buy those ready made or make them months in advance :)

        1. CatCat*

          Great advice! Thank you! I had no idea about crumb coating. I googled it and it makes so much sense. No wonder crumbs are always in my frosting. Thanks again!

    2. AMT*

      Tips for getting super smooth buttercream? I feel like I’m almost there, but the edges of the cake always look ragged, never sharp.

      1. Rosemary7391*

        I don’t do a lot of buttercream – just under fondant – but when I do chocolate ganache and want a sharp edge, I do the sides, chill it, then liberally spread the ganache on top and flip it over onto greaseproof paper. Get it level and smooth away the excess, then chill it again before removing the paper. It’ll need a little touching up but you’ll have sharp edges! I got that method from this tutorial here:
        https://sweetnessandbite.com/how-to-ganache-a-cake/
        They have *gorgeous* sharp edges!

  211. Petréa Mitchell*

    I’m a fan of science fiction and related things and know a lot about the workings of sf and related fandoms (gaming, anime, etc). Ask me about conventions, or for recommendations!

    2. einahpets*

      Do you have any recommendations on kid-friendly cons? We live in southern California, so we’ve done the big one (SDCC) + local area ones with the kids and got so.many.horrible.looks. last year at SDCC in particular. I just want my kids to grow up in the accepting fandom environment I discovered when I was in college, and to be honest, the reaction we’ve got there has really bummed me out.

      And just in case it comes up: my kids are generally well behaved (I mean, they’re kids but we avoided forcing them to sit through panels / wait in lines for anything on the day we took them), we’ve never brought a stroller, and I am not asking that the cons change for me or my family or anything.

      1. Petréa Mitchell*

        The older-style science fiction conventions, and some specialty cons run by people out of the same section of the community, tend to be pretty tolerant of kids. Here are a few in southern California, off the top of my head, though I haven’t personally been to any of them: Loscon (sf, Los Angeles, Thanksgiving weekend), ConDor (sf, San Diego, January), Gaslight Expo (steampunk, San Diego, October), Gallifrey One (Doctor Who, Los Angeles, Presidents’ Day weekend).

        In addition, the World Science Fiction Convention is going to be in San Jose this August. Not quite southern California, I realize, but it travels worldwide and the next time it’s even going to be in North America is likely to be 2021. I have been to several Worldcons, and it’s definitely family-friendly. People won’t give your kids horrible looks, and there are usually some program items specifically for kids.

        1. Sci Fi IT Girl*

          Sorry if this is repeat (computer is slow)- DragonCon person here, I am a regular on panels (for “people quietly drinking lots of caffeine”). Many cons may have kid friendly tracks, kid oriented video rooms and more, and DragonCon in Atlanta has several. The legendary costume contest starts off with the children’s part, and it is so freaking cute: Lego batman (age 4) and the baby Jabba that Hut were just so awesome! And the DragonCon parade brings out local Atlanta families who enjoy the variety of costumes. Many experienced con folks are happy to answer questions about panels for you before you pop in with the littles.

          Two things to consider – if you are staying at a con hotel, ask for a quiet floor. You do not want to be on a party floor with littles because the entire floor will be awake and noisy for the entire con (like every minute). Klingons and troopers are noisy and always on the party floor. A quiet floor makes a huge difference. Next, bed times. Cons can get more adult as the night sets in: costumes with less covering, scary characters, intense LARPers in character, adult bands (language, GWAR, etc.). Generally still friendly folks, just more PG become PG 13 becomes R… as the sun goes down.

          I am taking my kids for the first time this year! Can’t wait.

  212. University of Trantor*

    If you travel a lot (especially domestically in the US), I can recommend credit cards and hotel/rental car loyalty programs based on your spending and travel patterns to maximize your rewards. If you care about things like elite status and/or airport lounge access, I can speak to those as well.

    I’m not a true road warrior ala Up in the Air, but I spend about 80 nights a year on the road for work (higher education).

  213. Amy the Rev*

    I’m good at pastoral care/reflective listening, maintaining a non-anxious presence, public speaking, and speaking extemporaneously- happy to give advice on any of that!

    Anyone here have a good way to set up a monthly budget for when you get paid bi-weekly (aka on the 2nd and 4th friday, no matter what the date is)?

    1. ADB_BWG*

      Not sure if this helps you, but what I use are two checking accounts. Account 1 has a $1,000 “base” – not recorded and ignored but there just in case. Each pay period I deposit / allocate 1/2 of my month’s fixed bills (mortgage, HOA, utilities at budget amount or highest expected, cell phone, fixed billed to credit card, etc). Then I pay those bills from that account.

      I use a savings account attached to the checking account to deposit 1/24th of annual bills (car insurance, annual fees like Sirius/XM). I can then transfer to checking as needed to pay bills.

      Then I have a second checking account at a second bank. That gets the remainder of my salary, less anyautomatic savings. That checking account also had a $1000 unrecorded buffer. And it’s what I have every two weeks for groceries, toiletries, cash, gas, random purchases.

      Every six months or so I rebalance checking #1 to move extra $ above the $1000 to longer term savings.

    2. Damn it, Hardison!*

      I’m on the same type of pay cycle, and since January have tried budgeting for each pay cycle instead of for the whole month. I have a “monthly” budget, which is a list of all of my monthly bills and expenses. Then I use that as the basis for my “paycheck” budget (note: my check is basically the same each time), which runs from the day I get my paycheck to the day before I get the next one (i.e. I get paid on 3/23, so that paycheck budget runs from 3/23 to 4/5). Basically it’s a plan for how I’m spending that paycheck – what bills do I have in that time frame, what purchases do I have to make (groceries, cat litter, etc.). It has helped me even out my money flow; for example rather than thinking I have $400 a month for groceries and then getting to the end of the month and having only $20 left in my budget (and then spending more than $20), I know I have $200 for the pay period and that’s it. It’s not that different from a monthly budget but it’s made a bigger impact than I expected. It’s kind of a modification of the You Need a Budget age your money perspective and the idea of living off your last paycheck all scrambled together.

  214. NaMeg*

    I know quite a bit about aviation, including various rules and regulations and why some things are done they way they are (ex: why specific words/phrases are used).

    Does anyone have tips on learning American Sign Language when you aren’t part of the Deaf community?

    1. Admin of Sys*

      (not Deaf, fyi, and horribly out of practice signing) If you have some skill and want practice with other folks, a lot of Deaf communities have coffee shop chats and meetups that are open to folks trying to pick up the language.
      If you’re not comfortable with that level, and want beginner/moderate walk through, there are some great vlogs out there on youtube for practice and lessons. I like Dr. V’s stuff – he as some great basic walk through – https://www.youtube.com/user/billvicars/ – but there are a lot of other channels you can watch for practicing understanding. It’s especially nice because you can slow down playback while you’re learning.
      For practicing your own signing, if you don’t have anyone around to practice with and aren’t up to the chats, tape yourself! Setup your laptop or phone to record video of yourself and practice signing to the camera. I like trying grabbing a vlog and pretending to reply to the presenter because it lets me practice eye contact too.

    2. Admin of Sys*

      Shoot, it ate my comment, possibly due to the url. I’m not Deaf, but I have been trying to learning to sign. There might be open Deaf chats in your area – a lot of communities have regular meetups that are open to beginners of the language. But if you’re not comfortable venturing out like that, vlogs are the best. There are some great youtube channels and the like that are closecaptioned and walk you through the beginning of the language – you can also slow down playback, which is nice when you’re learning. ( I like Dr V’s channel – billvicars )
      To practice signing, if you can tape yourself and then watch the playback to check speed / comprehension / etc. I like finding an interesting vlogger and playing it back on slow – I pause it when I want to reply, then sign to the camera/paused video. This lets me practice eye contact and signing, and then I can watch my half of the conversation I taped and check for lack emoting, etc.

  215. SophieChotek*

    Corporate Tax Question

    (I am not trying to start any sort of political debate.)

    I am genuinely curious…as I’ve had to read a lot of market reports/quarterly and annual financials…and I’ve noticed some large companies have reported more “profits/income” and directly attribute it to the new tax laws while other large companies have explicitly written in their reports/financial reports that their income/expected profit/earnings were harmed by the new tax laws. (All the companies I have been reading reports for are huge million/billion dollar retail/consumer goods companies that are all household names.)

    Can anyone explain to me in understandable terms why this happens? why some companies are gaining yet others are apparently losing?

    1. Boredatwork*

      For year-end financial purposes, everyone had to guess (and I mean guess) what the impact would be based on the new rules. You’ve probably read about GILTI, and “mandatory repatriation”. These are basically taxes on foreign earnings, some winners some losers. The other major part of tax reform was the revaluation of deferred tax assets. If you had tax assets (you’ve taken more book expense than tax expense) you are a loser. If you had deferred tax liabilities (You’ve taken more tax expense than book expense) you’re a winner.

      For example. I bought a pen for $100. For book purposes I will depreciate this asset over 10 years. $10 per year expense. For tax purposes, I get bonus depreciation, so I get $50 in year 1, + $5 depreciation ($50/10)

      In year 1 – I have a deferred tax liability of $10-55 = $(45). I took more tax expense than book expense. This gets multiplied by 35% = $(15.75) Deferred tax Liability.

      In years 2-10 I will be expensing $10 for book and $5 for tax. so every year that $45 gets smaller by $5. Lets say in year 4 we have tax reform! Under the old tax rate 35% my deferred tax liability would be $(45)+5+5+5=(30)+35% = (10.5), now my rate is 21% so it’s (30)*21% = (6.3) that difference of (4.2) is a BENEFIT. I am a winner. I took more tax expense at a higher rate.

        1. Boredatwork*

          Lol don’t beat yourself up! This stuff is really hard, even for tax professionals. If you are evaluating financials, pay attention to the foreign disclosures. There wasn’t much guidance at year-end and companies were basically allowed to guess, or say that they couldn’t even guess.

          The revaluation of tax assets pretty much is what it is and if companies did that wrong you’ll see the spike/dip in the third quarter typically.

  216. Tableau Wizard*

    I know some stuff about FIRST Robotics. I was on a team in high school and LOVED IT. I’ve been involved as a judge and i’m about to be involved as a mentor.

    1. Teach*

      Oooooh, I coached FLL for a few years and loved it! I also grant-funded a school’s first FTC team. Great program!

  217. A. Ham*

    I have a pretty good general knowledge of all things theater related. Specifically how theater companies run from an administrative side- I have worked in development, artistic, education, and marketing (currently). But I also know a lot about the performance side of things as a former performer, director, stage manager, and life-long avid fan. if you’re curious about any of that, ask away.

    On a similar note- if there are any young professionals out there that want to give any insight on what I can do to get you to come to see a show, I’m all ears! (I am myself a young professional, but I am skewed because I am a theater nerd and so have a built in interest already).

    1. Roja*

      Please, please have the programming at reasonable times and dates. Almost everything that our local concert hall has been putting on this season that we’ve wanted to see is on a weekday, and I think we’ve made it to exactly one show this whole season. It’s very frustrating; they’ve been starting some new programming that I really want to support but weeknights are brutal. I mean, I know programming can’t all be weekends, of course, but at least vary the types of performances so not everything gets the exact same time/day slot by content category (i.e., orchestra always Saturday nights and Broadway tours only Tuesday nights).

      If you schedule Shakespeare or Tartuffe anywhere in your season though, I am so there!

      1. A. Ham*

        I hear ya. Presenting organizations like concert halls can be frustrating because they are kind of at the mercy of the artists and their organizers (especially if they are the only such venue in town) and they have SO MUCH going on that creating the schedule can really be a puzzle (If Bill Murray is doing a show in Cleveland on Tuesday, and can only do a Cincinnati show on Wednesday, you know Cinci is still going to say yes, regardless of the date).
        Fortunately, we are a producing organization, so we don’t have all that crazy stuff to deal with. We do 6 shows a season and all of them run for 5 weeks, Tuesday -Sunday, so opportunity isn’t usually as big of an issue for our patrons.
        Love to hear from someone into the classics! We usually do a Shakespeare (or along those lines) once a year. We haven’t done Tartuffe recently, but i did that show in college and i love it!

        1. Roja*

          Oh yes, scheduling is always a puzzle. Like I said, I know things have to go mid-week; it’s expected. But if you have popular things *only* on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, it gets really old after a while, especially when you’re in a semi-rural area and know that most people are going to have a travel a ways to get there.

          Wish I could come and see your Shakespeare programming! We have a small Shakespeare in the Park more than an hour away, but I miss living in an area where it’s available more often.

  218. Temperance*

    I would love some comic book recs! I really like horror comics, superheros (most recent discovery: Gwenpool), and anything with a female lead, although that’s not a strict requirement.

    Some of my favorites include Patsy Walker’s reboot, the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, and The Walking Dead.

    1. Murphy*

      If you like horror, I cannot recommend Harrow County enough. It does have a female lead. It’s entering it’s final arc now, but I there there are half a dozen trades worth. It’s one of my favorites ever.

      Lady Killer is another good one with great art. Two trades out.

      If you like Squirrel Girl, you would probably like Lumberjanes as well.

      Saga is great too. It’s a SciFi/fantasy series. Also has gorgeous art.

    4. Yeah, I like Brian K. Vaughn a lot ;)*

      SAGA
      by Brian K. Vaughn with art by Fiona Staples. I know this was already recommended, but I just cannot recommend it enough! If you never read another comic series in your life, this is the one not to miss. Yeah. It’s that good. No really, it’s THAT. GOOD.

      DEADLY CLASS
      by Rick Remender. It’s dark and edgy, with strong female characters too.

      PREACHER
      by Garth Ennis. Sarcastic, dark, funny

      RUNAWAYS
      by Brian K Vaughn. This borders between superhero and coming of age, but is generally just a fun read

      Y: THE LAST MAN
      by Brian k Vaughn. This series is complete, and what a story! Everyone except the “lead” is a woman. As you may have gathered from the title, there is only one man left on earth. This makes for such an interesting world as women take over and the experience of the last man. I laughed, and I’m not going to lie, at the end I bawled my eyes out and was SO happy to have experienced this world!

    5. tiffer130*

      I really enjoyed Locke and Key, Y: the Last Man and the Sixth Gun. I just started Letter 44, which is looking interesting.

  219. SophieChotek*

    Cryptocurrency/Bitcoin and Blockchains…

    I am totally an idiot….but can someone explain in lay terms…how these work.
    How does cryptocurrency make money? (I’ve read about bitcoin/cryptocurrency losing huge losses in a day and that the servers that they require gobble up huge amounts of energy.) Not sure either of these are related? I guess I just don’t quite get them. Are they stocks?

    Relatedly, what is blockchain? I keep reading this is the new thing…and read some article about how it could be a new way of information sharing that cannot be blocked by privacy laws/libel, etc. (Sorry don’t remember source). Also read how this should be deployed by companies for customer service…

    I tried reading a few wikipedia-like articles…but remained unenlightened by the end…

    1. Morning Glory*

      I can discuss Blockchain from a supply chains perspective. It’s basically a decentralized, unalterable ledger that is cool because it makes fraud more difficult, and tracking easier. One example of how it can work is a project a conservation NGO is doing for tuna (often illegally fished, then illegal fish get mixed in with legal fish along the way to the consumer). The NGO created reusable QR code tabs that are physically attached to the fish’s mouths from legal boats, and are scanned along the way every time they change hands. Everyone along the supply chain stores the data, so no one party can alter the tuna’s history to make it legitimate.
      In addition to the tuna being tracked for legality, this also has the potential make it easier from a food-safety perspective (I’ll continue with fish as an example, but this goes beyond what the NGO is doing). Some Blockchain ledgers are connected to the Internet of Things, and can record the fish’s storage temperature to everyone’s Blockchain ledger, so that if refrigeration goes out then kicks back on, there’s a record of that. If one fish is contaminated, Blockchain can track where it came from, and quickly pinpoint the locations of the other fish it shipped with, so that they can be tested for contamination.

    2. Annie Moose*

      Cryptocurrency is really just currency. So when people talk about gains/losses, it’s basically changes in the exchange rate. e.g. today, 1 Canadian dollar is worth so much in US dollars, and 1 bitcoin is worth so much in US dollars. Tomorrow, these may change. The difference is that cryptocurrencies aren’t backed by any government and are largely outside of normal controls, so the value/exchange rate can vary wildly–there’s nothing keeping it in check.

      Blockchain is the technology that underlies cryptocurrency. A blockchain is basically a list of transactions (e.g. a transfer of money from one person to another, or a transfer of land ownership, or registering copyright, or storing a document), a ledger. What makes it more than just a ledger is two things (and yes, I’m simplifying):

      1. it’s decentralized. There’s not one single copy of the ledger, and there’s no single authority that maintains it. Instead, many people have copies of it. When a change is made to the ledger (when a new transaction occurs), all of these nodes essentially decide by consensus if it’s valid or not. (how exactly consensus works can vary quite a bit depending on what we’re talking about, but generally involves a lot of math) Bitcoin has thousands of these nodes, for example.

      2. it’s very difficult to falsify, because transactions aren’t independently recorded. Each transaction is stored in a “block”. Each new block basically takes the block before it and uses cryptography/very complicated math to generate a hash, a very long effectively-unique number. Then the next block you add will create a hash based on that hash… and so on. If you want to change a block that’s back in the blockchain somewhere, you’d have to recalculate the hashes of every single block after that point! (and then you’d have to convince over 50% of other nodes that your version of the blockchain is correct)

      So when you put these two things together, what you get is a system for recording data that you can be very certain hasn’t been tampered with.

      Using this for currency is a pretty obvious application: you can go through and look at every single transaction that has ever occurred in bitcoin and verify that, for example, nobody’s tried to spend the same bitcoin twice. But it’s also great for any other data that you want to prove hasn’t been tampered with: proving you own a piece of property or hold copyright to a piece of music, for example, or ensuring no one’s altered medical records.

      As for more… esoteric uses, well, there’s a lot of ideas about how to apply it. A lot of them seem pretty out-there to me. But who knows. It’s a very new technology. Hope this explains a few things, at least!

  220. Avocado Toast*

    Does anyone have knowledge of online events calendars? I’m talking about a calendar to which folks from different organizations can submit their events. A community calendar, or even a discipline-specific calendar (arts, sports, etc). I’m trying to figure out industry standards for web traffic for this specific niche and not quite sure where to look or what to compare mine to.

    2. Gem*

      I have access to a google calendar that allows events organisers in a region put all the events in. The owner gives people access and then they can add as they need. Every 6 months or so the owner sends an email to everyone with access asking them to reply if they still need access, with a deadline of 2 weeks. If you don’t reply, your email is removed. It does require some admin but it works really well for us!

  221. Syren*

    I work in supply chain analytics. I use Tableau and Alteryx with lite SQL thrown in. Our team moved from waterfall to agile methodologies two years ago. I can provide insights to moving in the direction but would also love to hear tips and tricks as well as success stories from people who have gone through that transition before.

  222. Ainomiaka*

    Analytical chemistry here. Mostly environmental and medical stuff, metals testing. I will also go on in detail about how everything is chemical if you let me.

    1. Little Twelvetoes*

      Do you mean like that deadly chemical dihydrogen monoxide? I’ve heard it can be dangerous and has been known to kill people and even reshape our land!

      1. Ainomiaka*

        One of many dangerous chemicals. I mean, there’s also all that oxidant in everyone’s lungs all the time.

    2. Dr. KMnO4*

      I’m a new-ish chemistry professor, trying to break into teaching A-chem. I did a lot of coursework in A-chem during my PhD program (though it wasn’t my primary research topic). I feel that I’m a pretty good theoretical analytical chemist – I understand how instrumentation works, things like that. I’m very hesitant when faced with actual instruments, however, since I don’t have a ton of experience using anything but Raman.

      What instrumentation do you use? How steep was the learning curve? Are there any really good resources for learning how to actually use the instruments? For example, I understand how HPLC works, I know about the different types of columns, I understand that you need different solvents depending on what you are analyzing. But if I was handed a sample I would struggle with picking the best solvent mixture, deciding on the optimal flow rate, that sort of thing.

      1. ainomiaka*

        I personally mostly use ICP-OES and ICP-MS. I have done HPLC for some past jobs, but I ended up on an established project- I just followed the SOP. There is a bit of learning curve with any instrument. I have had to disabuse people of the notion that a PhD means I can use any instrument.
        Flow rate I can sort of help with-there are actually nifty calculators like this one https://www.sigmaaldrich.com/analytical-chromatography/hplc/method-transfer-calculator.html that will let you play and you can see how time and pressure changes with change in column properties and flow rate. It’s skewed towards refining existing methods rather than totally novel, but my experience in industry was that companies were more interested in that.
        Like dissolves like is still the most useful undergrad chemistry thing I have learned, and it applies for picking solvents.

  223. Squeeble*

    Oh! I am quite good at not letting myself get negged or drawn into other people’s drama, if anyone has questions about that.

  224. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

    I doubt that anyone will see this, this far down but I am excellent at writing emails that won’t pi$$ people off even though they deserve it. Seriously, if someone sends you a raging email, I can help you respond to it in a way that won’t escalate the issue. Yes, you may have to take some of the blame on yourself (even though it is not justified) but if you want to get the issue solved, somethings that is necessary. I am also good at diffusing angry customers, etc.

    Examples:
    The reason it didn’t work was because you didn’t do what I said! -> I am sorry, maybe my instructions weren’t clear. Let me try again.

    You didn’t answer the damn question! – > Maybe I missed it in your email but I am still not clear on this issue. Can you please clarify XYZ for me?

    You didn’t ready my damn email! -> I’m sorry but maybe my email wasn’t detailed/clear enough. Let me try a different way of stating what you need to do.

    In many cases, shorter responses are often better. That way there is less that someone can “hang” you with later.

    In your first draft of your email, don’t put an address in the TO field. You can also draft the email in Word and copy and paste it later. It is often helpful to first write the email as you would like to write it and save it as a draft (telling them exactly where they can shove their new policies or whatever) – that way you can get the anger out. Then at least an hour later, go back and reword the email politely. Only after it is reworded politely and reviewed, should you key in the TO: address or copy it from Word into your email program.

    Feel free to ask any other questions!

    1. Goya de la Mancha*

      Purging material goods gives me a physical high. The *thump* sound when a big stack of papers hits the recycling bin? Damn near euphoric.

      I imagine it’s what drug users feel like after a hit.

      1. Damn it, Hardison!*

        I love it so very much too! I realized that too much stuff makes me anxious – it actually provokes a physical reaction in me. I’m not a total minimalist but with a slight nudge I could go all out.

    2. Fleahhhh*

      Yes please!!! Context, I work for a tiny non-profit and I really struggle with organizing the dozens of hats that I wear.

      In a nutshell, my job is program coordinator and that actually includes:
      –Program coordination (client services, staff training, client resources, outreach, events, client communications)
      –Donor stewardship (events, communications, mailings, outreach)
      –Technology / Infrastructure (website, CMS, IT, etc.)
      –Implementing new software (training, SOPs, etc.)
      –Internships (selecting, training, and managing interns)

      We are preparing for a move and I have like billions of pages to sort and either keep or shred. I really struggle with a filing system because I have SO many things that I work on day to day and it gets overwhelming. I’m about to sit down and file, sort, shred, etc. and I’m overwhelmed with how to manage this process!

      I would LOVE some suggestions!

      1. Damn it, Hardison!*

        You already have a good start with the categories that you listed, they can be the backbone of you file plan. The subcategories might be the subcategories within those categories (if you need them, and you might not). For organizing within your subcategories, what the most important piece of information when you are looking for that type of file, project or person name, year, case number, etc? That will help you decide if the files should be alphabetical by project name/donor name/client name, chronological, numerical by case number, etc.

        More tips – use folders in different colors to visually distinguish your files. Choose a color for each one of your categories and then use that color for all of the files in that color. It will make it easier to find what you are looking for – if your project files are blue and you are looking for a project file, you know you don’t have to look at the green/yellow/ red folders. Also helps to prevent mis-filing.

        Only keep your current folders on your desk, especially for projects. You might consider designating a separate color for current folders (like red) so they are easy to find.

        Maintenance is really key. Once you are done with a file, put it back. When you have completed work on a file, file it away. Do this regularly and it’s much easier to keep up with, and filing is not a project in and of itself. You’ll have to put in some and effort to get it set up, but once that’s done the upkeep is really minimal.

  226. Snargulfuss*

    Oh I can’t wait to read through all of these threads!

    I don’t know if anyone has posted something similar yet, but I’m a huge reader and I love finding out what books people have enjoyed and then recommending books to them. I don’t read much in the way of sci-fi, fantasy, or romance, but if you like literary fiction, classics, biography, history, business/self-help, tell me what you like and I’ll make some additional suggestions.

      1. Snargulfuss*

        Sorry, I haven’t read anything on business writing. I’ve heard good things about E.B. White’s The Elements of Style, but I’m not sure how focused on or helpful it is to business writing.

    2. Annie Moose*

      Meanwhile I’m a sci-fi/fantasy buff, so if anyone wants suggestions on that, I can see if anything comes to mind!

      1. Fantasy novels?*

        LOVED (some samples): Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series, GRRM’s A Song of Ice and Fire, Brent Weeks’s Night Angel and Lightbringer series, The 100 series, Brisinger series.

        DIDN’T ENJOY (some samples): First book of Wheel of Time (never felt connected to the characters enough to even keep them straight, their actions weren’t compelling, etc.), Robin Hobb (tried multiple series, including the Fool, and never felt compelled)

        I’m up for some new recommendations if those samples give you an idea of my tastes. I prefer fantasy to sci-fi, but I’m open!

        1. Annie Moose*

          I feel ya on Robin Hobb. I made it through the Fool trilogy, and while I liked them well enough as I was reading them, I have ZERO interest in ever trying them again.

          Have you tried any of Patrick Rothfuss’ books? You might like the Kingkiller Chronicle. Unfortunately only two books of an intended trilogy have been published so far. Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn is also pretty good, and also in that “big epic fantasy series” vein. And I can’t help but throw the granddaddy of epic fantasy out there: Lord of the Rings! Despite the hype, I readily confess it’s not for everyone.

          1. Tardigrade*

            Seriously, where is that third book?! But “The Slow Regard of Silent Things” was wonderful and I think I liked it more than the almost-trilogy just because Auri is such a great character.

            1. Empty Sky*

              I loved that story. I don’t think I have ever read anything quite like it. The closest I can think of was an Ursula Le Guin short story (unfortunately I forget the name) with a character who spent all day shouting at the post office and throwing rocks at it. She started with an outside observer who viewed him as a deranged lunatic, then led us through a series of shifting perspectives until at the end we were convinced that it was the right and proper thing for him to be doing.

        2. Tardigrade*

          I have a friend who swears on the Xanth series by Peirs Anthony. Or have you read any Terry Pratchett? You might like Discworld if you can appreciate parody and not strictly epic/high fantasy.

    3. tiffer130*

      I’ll take historical fiction, both of the standard and alternate history veins, recommendations… Thanks in advance!

      1. Snargulfuss*

        Here are some of my favorite historical fiction novels. I could write a whole separate list of nonfiction history that reads like a novel:

        – Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies
        – A Man for All Seasons (this is a play and it’s helpful if you’re already familiar with Henry VIII’s Act of Supremacy and Thomas More, the two novels above are the perfect primer)
        – Flight of Dreams was a fun and suspenseful imagining of what happened during the last flight of the Hindenburg
        – All Quiet on the Western Front, in my opinion the best WWI book
        – Code Name Verity, fabulous older YA novel
        – The Good Lord Bird, wonderfully-written novel about a slave boy who is kidnapped/liberated by John Brown
        HHhH – very original novel about an assassination attempt on Reinhard Heydrich, the Hangman of Prague
        – These Is My Words, touching but not sappy about a frontierswoman in Arizona in the 19th century
        – Everyone Brave is Forgiven, WWII book set in London with super snappy writing; the audiobook is fantastic

      2. Annie Moose*

        If you like VERY LENGTHY alt-hist books, you might be interested in the 1632 series created by Eric Flint. (sometimes also called the Ring of Fire series) Short version: a West Virginian mining town in the year 2000 is sent to Germany in the middle of the Thirty Years’ War. They inevitably end up pulled into current events and quickly realize that 400 years of scientific and technological advances don’t guarantee them superiority.

        It’s my favorite alt-hist world and explores a lot of really interesting aspects of time travel, like how can you maintain later technology without the infrastructure to support it? How long can you maintain the edge of later tech before everyone else learns how to use it? What happens when you introduce democracy to Europe a couple hundred years early?

    4. Empty Sky*

      Classics for me. I’ve been working my way through the Project Gutenberg catalog, with mixed results. One happy discovery has been that I really love Charles Dickens. So far I’ve read Great Expectations, Bleak House, A Tale of Two Cities, and Oliver Twist. I think I enjoyed Great Expectations the most, and found A Tale of Two Cities the most interesting from a historical perspective.

      I also tried reading The Republic (Plato) but didn’t make it all the way through. As an exercise in applied reasoning it was interesting and he can certainly construct an argument, but I found the idea that you could explain the world in purely deductive terms to be a bit of a conceit. I think creating hypothetical models of the world unsupported by evidence must have been something of a national sport back then.

      Any suggestions for what to try next?

  227. Colleen*

    Is anyone good at creating short (3-5 min) videos? I am looking to find out how videos are created with a box of information usually over the shoulder of the person talking. I would like to do this for work without spending a lot of money. Thanks.

    2. SkyePilot*

      We actually do a fair number of those types of videos. You may try searching for “white wall” videos (as they are usually filmed against a – you guessed it – white wall). We film ours using an iPad mini with a tripod mount, but if you plan to make a lot of these (or are doing it for a business) I would recommend investing in some proper lighting and sound equipment.

      You can do some basic text effects in iMovie (on a Mac) but anything more complicated is usually made using Adobe After Effects.

  228. Media Monkey*

    i dressmake and make most of my own clothes. if no one else has already offered (i hadn’t got all the way through the 1000+ responses yet), ask away!

    1. School Mom*

      How much tailoring do you do for individual items? My daughter is an odd size (for a child) and I would love to be able to help sew/tailor items to fit her properly, I just don’t know how. I’m a fairly advanced sewer, I have made my own clothes and worked in a costume house for several years, but I have zero tailoring experience.

      Do you have pattern companies that you really like? Where do you find fabrics?

      Thanks!

      1. HannahS*

        I’m not Media Monkey, of course, but alterations for children can be pretty straightforward. It depends of what kinds of alterations you want to do for her. If she’s tall and skinny, then taking in side seams on and adding elastic to draw in the backs of pants will be easy for you! If she’s short, hemming is also easy, and not different from hemming a garment you’re making from scratch. If the alterations are more along the lines of “she has a short torso, large belly, and narrow shoulders” then it might be easier to make things from scratch. Oliver and S have some really nice children’s patterns, and Dana Willard has some good kid pants patterns and tutorials.
        In terms of alterations, I can tell you that for myself I’ll do hems, take in side seams/arms, turn a pullover into a cardigan, and skinny-up flared pants, but I generally don’t bother messing around with darts; at that point I usually find I’ll get a better product if I make the thing from scratch.

    3. nuqotw*

      I asked above about making clothing. Here are some things I am trying to figure out.

      (1) Can you explain a bit about different types of fabric? I’ve made some clothes out of quilting cotton but I know it’s not clothing fabric. It’s just that it’s comfy in the summer and cheap so I don’t feel like it’s a big deal if I ruin it.
      (2) What kind of hem should I use? I got a whole thing about blind hemming by hand in my middle school home ec class, but I’ve noticed many things I buy have what looks like a top stitched hem. Is blind hemming that big a deal? If so, when?
      (3) How can I take in the sides of a skirt (waist fits, but it’s too big through the hips) when the skirt has a lining?
      (4) What is the deal with interfacing? When should I use it? What does it do?

      1. Colette*

        I can answer some of this.
        1) Quilting cotton is a woven fabric. That means it doesn’t stretch, and you can grab the edge and rip it across. It is a stiffer fabric, and will hold it’s shape a bit. T-shirts are usually made of knit fabric. It’s stretchier and will not rip in a straight line. What fabric you should use depends on what you are making. If you make a t-shirt out of quilting cotton, you will not be able to get it over your head without a zipper/buttons.
        4) Interfacing is basically reinforcement. It stops knit fabrics from stretching, and adds extra toughness to things like the edge of a blouse (where you are going to sew buttons). If you’re quilting, you can use it if you are making applique designs, or for t-shirt quilts.

    4. foolofgrace*

      Interfacing: I’m making a nightgown and it called for interfacing so I went over to that section in the fabric store and I swear to God there must have been 30 bolts, none of which were easily labeled, not that I’d understand it. I figure since it’s a nightgown I can use the fabric itself for an interfacing but for future reference it would be good to understand it. I do know there’s fusible and non-fusible and fusible sounds much better.

      1. Colette*

        I’d recommend asking the people at the store – they will be able to point you in the right direction.

        I like fusible interfacing, but it depends on what you are using it for and what fabric you are using. Fusible interfacing has a layer of glue on one side, and you iron it on to your fabric, so if your fabric will melt under the iron, it’s not a good choice.

        If you are making a stiff collar , you want a stiff interfacing. If you’re making a nightgown, you want a light interfacing. If it’s stiff at the store, it will stay stiff as you sew – don’t expect it to change.

    5. Media Monkey*

      sorry for lack of replies – the site keeps crashing every time i get a post typed. working on replaying to everyone today and thanks to those who stepped in!

  229. anon for this one*

    If anybody lives in Alabama or Georgia and is familiar with how Medicaid works, particularly how it could benefit an older disabled person, I’d love to pick your brain.

  230. AnonMurphy*

    Accidentally embedded this up-thread:
    Agile, agile, agile! Kanban and scrum.
    Information security and Information Risk management. Boring, maybe, but ask me how to spot phishing, how to tell how secure your data is in a given situation, etc.

  231. Friday*

    I am like the Grand Master of pumping/expressing milk at work. Did it for a year with my first, back at it this week and I have all sorts of tips and tricks. Questions on how to tackle this (pun intended) sucky task? Ask away!

  232. Help on Outlook*

    Call for help: Microsoft Outlook organization.
    I’m not an in-box zero sort of person, so that isn’t the priority.
    I need to be able to find my old emails and have them organized well.
    My old company used Lotus Notes for years and had a very short retention cycle (Government agency) – 3 months. I archived or saved anything important (and the system was easy) and when I needed to find things I did a search. I had folders but barely used them.

    Newer job, big promotion, been here about a year. Using Outlook for the first time in over a decade, and I’m still a novice. I have a new admin who has 100% access and helps me organize it, but it clearly isn’t working. I think I need to provide more direction about how to do it (previously I did “what I need is to search for things, but I don’t know how to best organize it – up to you”).

    Any suggestions? folders (by topic/time period?), categories, etc? I’ve been here a year, I have over 10,000 emails still in the inbox (but I’ve read them).

    1. Sabrina Spellman*

      I’m not so great at Outlook organization, but I set up sub-folders that I can move things into. I also have rules set up that allow certain emails to flow into specific folders without ever hitting my inbox.

      1. ChrysantheMumsTheWord*

        Yes to rules! Especially if you receive items that are not time sensitive, like newsletters, it can be great to have these filtered out of your inbox so that you can deal with them when time allows.

    2. ChrysantheMumsTheWord*

      Personally, I use my in-box as a “to-do” area. Anything in my in-box relates to something that is incomplete – such as a message I need to reply to or something I need to follow up with later. If it’s an ongoing project then I may have messages hanging out in my in-box for a really long time but it helps me to have the visual reminder. Once something is complete I either delete if I don’t need it or file into folders. I used to be an email hoarder and IT departments hated me because my files would get so large. I taught myself over time how to delete but it was challenging for sure!

      I prefer filing emails based on category instead of by time period but sometimes if a file is getting unwieldy I may create a sub-folder by year. My last position was customer based so I sorted everything by client which made things easy. Now I try to group the emails I save into categories and then sub folders if needed.

      For example I may have a folder that is for Teapot Correspondence
      Subfolders would be –
      – Complaints
      – Letters
      and then I may do a sub-folder under one of those by year.

      Rather than using Outlook’s task functions I drag and drop emails into my calendar for any follow-up items.

      If you are sharing an in-box may also be helpful to use the color coded categories so that you can sort and prioritize that way. I tend to use categories more in my Outlook calendar rather than my in-box but I can see how if you have multiple people in the same account it could visually help to sort things out.

    3. Em from CT*

      I find category-based folders work for me, and I name them all like this: “• A – Connectivity”, “• B – Hardware”, etc. (The “•” in front helps keep them on the top of the list in front of all the stupid Microsoft folders you can’t delete.) When I’ve dealt with the email, I drop it in the relevant folder (or subfolder). That way I can choose “search within folder” when I’m looking for something.

      The other thing I ADORE is Boomerang, which is an extension to Outlook that lets you return items to your inbox after a specified time or if nobody responds. It’s a great way to prompt me to not forget about something or prompt me to follow up with someone.

    4. Not a Real Giraffe*

      I _am_ an inbox-zero person and what helps me is creating a folder for each year, then a subfolder for each project. I like things to be chronological, so my folders are titled in this format: 2018: 03/21 – Project Name. Once I have responded to or addressed an email, it gets filed into the folder.

      I had a colleague who did the reverse of me: She had a Project-Specific folder, then a subfolder for each year of that project.

      Not all things can be assigned to an event, though, so I do have some folders that are called “reference” or “policy changes” or whatever overarching thing makes sense. We had a big multiyear software rollout that had it’s own folder called “Software Rollout” that wasn’t sorted into a year.

      This helps me narrow down where to do my search for whatever key phrases I’m able to recall. I also use the color coded categories for things that I know I need to flag as important for for reference later.

      When I used to manage listservs, I had a folder for each listserv and set up rules for those emails to bypass my inbox and go right to that listserv instead. Then when it was time for me to focus on Listserv X, I knew exactly where to find all the relevant unread and read emails.

      1. Batteries Not Included*

        I have a similar strategy to your coworker. But I’ve never hit the magic Inbox zero. To be honest, if I’m under 75 it’s a good day and when it rarely hits 50 (one-page) I do the dance of joy, then immediately feel guilty that I don’t have enough work to do. (Ahhhh, the beauty of a neurotic mind)

    5. Karo*

      In my Inbox I do folders by Area/Specific Task/Possible Subfolder to Modify the Specific Task. In my Archive, I add the year before that. So, for instance: Chocolate Teapots/Ad Campaigns (vs) 2018/Chocolate Teapots/Ad Campaigns/Spouts

      If I still have to address a specific email, it gets left in my actual inbox. If I’m done with the email but still working on that project, I move it to my inbox folders. If the project has been finalized, the folder gets moved to the appropriate folder within the archive.

      On the surface, it looks like this set up requires you to remember when a project happened before you can find it, but for me it just means that I go open every Spouts Newsletter folder that I have. If there’s only one, Great! Otherwise I spend an extra minute searching.

      I’m certainly not rabid about inbox zero, but it’s rare for my inbox to get over 100 emails if I’m following this system.

    6. SarahKay*

      I like folders for my emails. Some I do by time period – I’m in finance so month end is a big deal, hence I have a folder for each year and sub-folders for each month, and I just dump everything relevant to that month end into it’s folder. Some are categories – I have a Vendors folder, then subfolders for each vendor.

      My big recommendation, though, is that Outlook has a fantastic search function. If you google “search criteria for outlook” then probably the first result will bring you to the page that changed my life, which is an Office page called “Learn to narrow your search criteria for better searches in Outlook”. You can search by subject, keyword, sender, cc, to, date – or all of them at once! Plus lots of other options to narrow your search. So something like “From:AAM to:SarahKay cc:Arya sent:last year subject:teapot drama llama” will bring up all emails in that folder from AAM to SarahKay sent last year with ‘teapot’ in the subject, drama llama in the subject or text, and with Arya on copy. If it’s not in that folder, select the dropdown in the search window and tell Outlook to look in all your mailboxes (or you can set it to always search everywhere, but that can slow down searches).
      This search function means that where items don’t have an obvious folder, but I do want to keep them, I can just dump them into the ‘2018 misc’ folder (or whatever the year is/was) and then let search do the work when I want to find them.

  233. School Mom*

    Does anyone have any experience turning around a failing private school? Our school is awesome, but we have extremely low enrollment and parents are (understandably) nervous about the future. Has anything worked for you?

    1. Needs a new username*

      This was what I was going to offer! Well, Child Care Centres, really, but the approach is similar.

      1. Do a presentation audit. Ideally this should be with people who haven’t been to the school before, so friends and family. What do they notice that’s great? What do the not like? I’m about to take over a centre and I’ve already picked gross marks on doors: you can bet that the teachers no longer notice them, but new parents do, as a good example. Are the rooms tidy? Does the school smell nice? Does the visible text support learning and seem inclusive? Don’t forget staff dress here: mine are about to get the ‘leggings are not pants’ talk.

      2. Catch up with all families who have inquired, if you keep a log, and start one if you don’t. Just make sure you’re friendly and low pressure: I can see you had a tour last year, would you still be interested?

      3. Know your wait list. If you have one popular room or class, why is it popular? Can this be expanded? Have you contacted families on the list who were looking to start in the new school year?

      4. Shop your successes. Get a great rating or feedback? Win an award? (Also enter awards) Have a sporting or academic success? You can print professional banners cheaply, or use a noticeboard to sing these praises. These should also go on your website or Facebook.

      5. Find your point of difference. Do you offer a second language program? Are you faith affiliated? Do you have a great technology, or nature pedagogy, or play based learning program? This is what makes you stand out from the crowd.

      6. Internal marketing: in education, this means fostering word of mouth. For example, at one service I ran, we invited the older children to draw family portraits, and laminated them and made stands, with the centre logo on the reverse. We then gave them to families in the morning: this meant they were more likely to put them up at work. When they showed them to colleagues, they would see the logo and if the colleague was looking for hold care or preschool, the conversation could happen.

      7. Customer service: while your focus should be on the children first, customer service is still important. How much do full fees cost per year? Let’s say, for example, it’s $10K. Every phone call, every email enquirer, every curious person, should get $10K of service, because that’s how much revenue they could be worth. What would this be worth to you? Probably, at the very least, prompt follow ups, friendly conversations, good phone manner, and remembering your name.

  235. Seven If You Count Bad John*

    I’m really good at teaching aerial arts to adult beginners. I stopped aerials a while back due to an injury but I miss coaching.

    2. Janine Willcall*

      Oh, I hope I’m not too late to catch you! I tried taking some aerial silks classes and loved it, but I couldn’t keep going. Is it something I need to be in a class for, or are there ways to learn from home with videos/presentations and my own setup?

    3. Sci Fi IT Girl*

      Ooo – I started taking classes in tumbling and did my first silks last month. It was fun. My goal is to get a handstand, maybe an arial (or so I can bust out a flip on a trampoline and blow my kids minds!). I can now get into a handstand with a big roll hexagon thing and I finally have the upper body strength to do it (and plank).

      What do you recommend as a beginner set up at home to practice? I got a mat and furniture sliders for exercises. One day there may be silks, have to see if it sticks.

      Do you have any adults over 40 that never did it and then got to be pretty good? = me over 40. Not yet any good. haha.

      1. Seven If You Count Bad John*

        OPINIONS I HAVE THEM.

        I’m on my phone so I have to keep this short (I get ranty and nerdy).
        The short answer is that it’s not a good idea as a beginner. You need a skilled coach to get you to a level where you can safely practice on your own. This means in person, with their hands on your body. Video tutorials just don’t give the feedback you need. There are professional coaches who offer Skype sessions, but DIY self-teaching is more hazardous than it’s worth. (If you want a sobering example, look up Tresa Honaker.) It’s not just crashes–it’s the risk of long-term injury from improper technique.

        As far as having and practicing on your own rig, once you’re cleared for that, you need to ensure the rig is up to snuff for what you’re doing. There’s a whole nother lecture on that.

        If you quit classes because of the cost, see if your studio offers supervised workout time. It’s usually a lower rate than class. So instead of one class a week you could take one every two weeks and practice what you learned or do conditioning in between.

      2. Seven If You Count Bad John*

        And yes, Sci Fi IT Girl. I took my first circus class a couple months before I turned 39. It’s one reason I specialized the way I did in teaching–everything is geared toward little kids and teenyboppers, and us creaky old farts have different needs.

  236. Kathy Haselmaier*

    My spouse and I both worked demanding full-time jobs while we raised our two kids. It was crazy at times, but so worth it in the end. I think it was best for us and great for our kids. I’d be happy to answer questions about how we pulled it off. It would also be great to hear how others manage it. (We publish encouraging stories about working parents and how they pull it off on our Working Parent Stories web site too.)

    1. Washi*

      One thing that concerns me about having kids is that I don’t think my partner and I could raise a family on one salary alone, but for very little kids, if they’re in daycare from 9 – 6 ish, you only see them for an hour or two before they need to go to bed. This question will end up sounding judgmental and it’s truly not meant to: how did you fel like you were getting enough quality time when your kids were very little? did you feel like you missed out on the first word, first steps, etc?

      1. The Rat-Catcher*

        DH and I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. He has different days off than I do, so that helps with some of it. They are in daycare part-time (3 days a week), stay with him one day, and we are fortunate to have relatives that live nearby who assist with the other day. I then have them home with me all weekend.
        I suspect the daycare workers don’t always tell me when they notice my 1 year old do something for the first time, because it seems like I have seen the “first” of everything, and statistically that doesn’t make much sense given how much time he spends there.
        I don’t see my kids as much as I would like to, but we have time to make dinner together (I don’t make elaborate dinners though – tradeoffs, everywhere!), play, and read stories on the weekday evenings. On weekends, we have one day where we always go out and do something fun and a bit more involved than what we might have time for on a weeknight, and one day where we stay home and spend time together.
        Really, for us the bigger struggle is my husband and I finding time to spend alone together. I don’t make my kids go to bed very early (see earlier re: wanting to spend more time with them), so by the time they get in bed, we’re beat too. I’m all ears for any suggestions there. On his day off that is his homework day (he’s in school full-time as well), he meets me for lunch.

        1. einahpets*

          My best idea this past year was finding a lady from our daycare who wanted to do some babysitting and then pay her so ridiculously well that she keeps wanting to babysit for us.

          Seriously, the few hours that my husband and I can get a month to go see a movie or drink at a local brewery or simply eat a meal that hasn’t been touched by little toddler hands is worth the extra $$.

          I’d dragged my feet on getting a babysitter because my in-laws live close-ish, but they just weren’t able to watch our girls (5 & 2) more often than maybe every other month. Now we mostly just use them for times when they watch the kids overnight.

      2. The Rat-Catcher*

        The thing with having one income is, there’s still one parent that isn’t getting to spend as much time with the kids as they would like. And if you’re supporting four on one income, chances are it’s a job that requires either travel or extra hours. So it’s not necessarily easier with one earner – the time that each parent spends with the kids is just broken up differently.

        1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

          This is kind of how I feel about one earner vs two. My husband and I have discussed having him stay home with the kiddos, but I feel like it wouldn’t really give us back much time with them and with each other like I want. And then there would be the added stress of making things work on my salary – it’s *just enough* to do it, but I like not having to worry about having the cash to pay for emergencies like car troubles or whatever.

      3. Dee-Nice*

        Maybe this is an awful thing to say, but I’m not a “little kid” person (I like them from about age 7 up), and honestly spending about an hour with my kid in the morning and another couple hours with him at night, plus all day on weekends is enough for me. I think I’m a better parent because I don’t have to spend all day with him. Plus he gets a more varied experience at daycare than he would with me– I’m an introverted homebody. I don’t feel like I’m missing out. He does so many cool new things every day that I am constantly wowed by him, and he definitely knows that I’m his mom.

        1. Rincat*

          I feel that way too. I love my daughter to death, but after spending 3 months maternity leave, I was kind of itching to get back to work.

        2. einahpets*

          Yeah, I’ve actually acknowledged recently that I’m REALLY not a toddler person… and I have a two year old, heh. Around when my oldest turned four I realized I was starting to like her a majority of the time again (I always love my kids… but man those terrible twos and threes). And we’ve not even started potty training with my youngest and I just can’t even think what that is going to be like. I. Can’t. Even.

          And the more I think about it, it is probably mostly that I had hormones and sleep deprivation to soften up the baby time so that now I can look at it fondly as so sweet (and cherish the cuddles with my baby niece).

    2. Rincat*

      I would love to hear about your experience! My husband and I are in the same situation. I wouldn’t call our jobs demanding, but we both pull 40-45 hours a week. We have a 3 year old now, and another on the way. Thanks!

  237. AlmostAcademic*

    I’m a current student in a clinical psychology PhD program. Definitely not an expert (or an actual psychologist) yet, but if anyone has questions surrounding mental health / what kind of care to access / what to look for in finding a good match in a psychologist / how to get research experience for a PhD program feel free to ask away.

    1. Thlayli*

      I got diagnosed with depression yesterday. I am now on antidepressants but the doc also suggested counselling. What kind of counselling works best for depression? Does it depend on your personality what kind is best?

  238. MuttIsMyCopilot*

    Late to the party and probably not something many people are interested in, but I’m well versed on raw feeding dogs/cats/ferrets and pellet free diets for guinea pigs and rabbits.

      1. MuttIsMyCopilot*

        I know, right! My rabbits and guinea pigs had way fewer digestive issues after I got rid of pellets. It also eliminated bladder sludge/stones in one poor girl who’d had trouble with them for years.

    2. Fleahhhh*

      How would you raw feed a cat? We have 4 and we feed them canned food, but I feel terrible about how many cans we use! I see the frozen/refrigerated tubes in the grocery store and I would love to use those, but I only see them for dogs. :-(

      1. MuttIsMyCopilot*

        I’m an advocate of prey model raw, so I don’t recommend the ground mixes that include additives and vegetation which is probably what you’re seeing at the pet store. They’re also really pricey! The main differences between cat and dog requirements is that cats need less bone and more taurine. You can achieve this pretty easily by feeding mostly whole prey (small stuff like mice, chicks, sardines) or a “whole animal” grind, and supplementing with additional heart meat.

        Check out perfectlyrawsome”dot”com and rawfedcats”dot”com for how-to info. Hare-today”dot”com is a great source for whole and ground foods. Raw feeding looks really daunting at first, but I promise it gets easy fast!

    3. Higher Ed Database Dork*

      What kinds of meats are okay to give to dogs? I have an akita/pyrenees and then some kind of pit mix. The pit mix has the stomach of a goat; the akita/pyrenees mix is somewhat sensitive. For example, any kind of kibble with fish in it gives him terrible gas, so we stick to chicken and beef kibbles. Is it okay to give them scraps of raw meat, like beef or whatever, that I have left over from cutting meat for our dinner? I also have an older cat who will eat anything ( she tries to eat Cheetos), but I hesitate to stray too far from her regular food so she won’t get an upset stomach.

      1. MuttIsMyCopilot*

        If you’re in the US, it’s safe to feed all commercially available meat, including pork, as long as there are no additives. Watch out for raw meat that’s enhanced with sodium or spices though, which is really common for poultry. Most game is safe to feed after freezing it solid for a month, though there is some evidence that parasites in wild animals in the coldest parts of the US are developing resistance to freezing.

        It’s pretty common for a dog to be reactive to a particular protein in kibble but do fine with it raw. Just be sure to start out giving very small amounts at first. Scraps are totally fine as long as they’re too small to be a choking hazard. If you trim a lot of fat off of something though, just give a little bit at a time. Too much fat can cause gas/diarrhea.

  239. AliP*

    My paid social media campaigns are a thing to behold, so feel free to ask about that. Especially Facebook ads, which are my jam.

    Not work-related, but I also write good complaint letters to companies. So if you need help complaining, I’m here for you.

    1. AVP - Filmmaker*

      Do you have any advice on targeting? And are there any rules on how many people to target / how long to run ads for? I like boosting my company’s posts but I really have no idea what I’m doing so it feels like throwing money into a black hole.

  240. Ask a Manager* Post author

    A heads-up that moderation may be a little slower than usual today, so if your comment isn’t appearing, it’s just stuck in moderation and I’ll release it as soon as I can.

  242. NW Mossy*

    I’m here to answer your questions about US retirement plans, particularly 401(k)s, 403(b)s, and other defined-contribution plans. I can’t give you investing or legal advice (because The Law), but pretty much anything else on the topic is fair game!

    1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

      My husband and I recently started contributing to our retirement plans at work. I put 1% in a pre-tax, 1% in a post-tax. He does the same thing, so we’re contributing a total of 4% of our net salaries to retirement. I also have a pension plan with my job (state employee), and it’s a modest contribution. He is 38 and I am 34. We will likely retire somewhere in the late 60s, if not later.

      This doesn’t sound like much, and I’m sure we could contribute more if we worked on it, but…are we totally screwed for retirement? Or is there still time as long as we bump the contributions by about 1-2% per year? I think we could very comfortably live on about 70-80k in our old age, as I will have full health insurance benefits with my company. I just keep hearing people screaming about the costs of retirement and how if you don’t invest at least 15% of your paycheck starting at age 18 you are DOOOOOOMED. Are we really doomed? (Please tell me we’re not doomed.)

      1. NW Mossy*

        You’re not doomed because you’re already doing the most important thing – to start saving at all! You’re also fortunate to have a pension plan, since most people don’t and the general advice on how much to save is geared towards people who don’t have access to that.

        Your plan to gradually increase your contributions each year is a great one, and one that’s heavily recommended because it feels much more doable for most people than jumping feet first into a high contribution rate. I’d also suggest using a tool to help keep you accountable for actually doing it, whether that’s reminders on your calendar, signing up for a plan option to automate it (if available), or some other method that works for you to make sure it happens.

        Other factors to consider:

        * If either plan offers a match, aim to ramp up to contributing enough to get the maximum match ASAP. That’s free money to you, and it really adds up over time.
        * Pay close attention to the fees (also called expense ratios) on the investment option(s) you choose. Choosing lower-cost options means that more of the money you contribute stays in your account and grows for you.
        * Resist with all your power the urge to take money out of your account for anything other than retirement, whether as a withdrawal or a loan. It seems like an awesome idea when you get hit with a big expense and you’ve got this chunk of cash sitting there, but rebuilding your savings again afterwards is so much harder.

        1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

          Thank you so much for your comments! I never thought to look into the fees, but I will. Luckily we have been able to put aside some cash savings for emergencies, and don’t ever touch our retirement plans. I just keep hearing about people who start with at least 15% and feel like we’re way behind that we can’t immediately start contributing that much.

    2. Lila Fowler*

      Is it generally better to contribute to a regular 401k or a Roth 401k? What are the considerations? I am in a high tax bracket if that impacts decision making. Thank you – I can never figure this out!

      1. Lowly HR person*

        How far are you in your career and do you think you will be in a higher tax bracket when you retire vs. now?

        If you’re young/plan on moving up the career ladder such that your salary now is lower than what you’ll be at when you retire, then Roth would be an excellent choice. This is because you’d be paying taxes now, when you’re in a very low tax bracket.

        1. Lila Fowler*

          I’m 40 now, and hope to retire at ~50. I do hope to continue moving up the career ladder but am decently senior now. I’ve been contributing to a regular 401k my entire working career, maxing it out most years.

      2. NW Mossy*

        I’m not surprised that you find this hard, because there really isn’t a clear answer without a crystal ball to tell you what tax rates will be in the future, especially when you’re a decade or more from retiring. The rule of thumb about deferring Roth when you’re in a lower tax bracket is generally reasonable, but beyond that, it’s often guesswork.

        One option you can consider is contributing a small portion to Roth just to open up that account. Roth 401(k)s have a rule that starts a 5-year clock from the date the first contribution was made. Once that 5 years is up, if you take that money out after you’re either 59 1/2 years old, disabled, or deceased (for your beneficiaries), the whole distribution (including earnings that would otherwise be taxable) are tax-free.

        Also, some plans that offer Roth 401(k)s also offer the option(s) to do what’s called an “in plan Roth rollover” and/or “in plan Roth transfer.” This allows people who meet the plan’s requirements (usually based on age, service with the company, or a combination) to convert pre-tax money into Roth money. You pay taxes at the time you do the conversion and they can be hefty, but it’s another tax-management option.

    3. Trillion*

      Is there any benefit in contributing to the catchup if you aren’t even fully contributing up to the max match.

      For instance, my mom’s employer matches 100% up to 6%. Is there any advantage in her contributing 4% to the standard account and 2% into catchup, rather than just contributing 6% to the standard account?

      My gut says there’s no advantage there, but many of her coworkers take this route, and I just can’t understand it.

      Thanks!

      1. NW Mossy*

        I think you’re right that there is no advantage, because of what the legal definition of a catch-up is. A catch-up contribution happens when a catch-up-eligible participant in the plan exceeds an IRS limit on how much they can contribute. There’s not really any such thing as “deciding to contribute a catch-up,” because the catch-up literally doesn’t exist legally until a limit is exceeded. I don’t really get why the administrator of your mom’s plan has separate buckets for catch-up – most don’t bother because it’s not a distinction that’s necessary in the overwhelming majority of cases.

        To illustrate what I mean, I’ll take the best-known catch-up scenario as my example – there are others, but they’re less common. Let’s say that Fergus is 55 years old, and he wants to contribute the maximum he can to his 401(k). Based on his age, Fergus can defer $18,500 in 2018 (the “402(g) limit”) plus an additional $6,000 (a “catch-up contribution”), for a total of $24,500. In this example, Fergus can’t have a catch-up contribution until the day his contributions year-to-date are more than $18,500 – that’s the limit he’s passing. If he doesn’t contribute at least $18,500, there is no catch-up.

        I’m wracking my brain to try to come up with any reasonable explanation of why your mom’s employer is doing it this way and I’m coming up empty – I can’t think of a plan I’ve touched in 15+ years in the industry that needed to do this.

  243. Overeducated*

    I’m good at research communication, if you want tips or resources in how to take technical information and translate or present it for audiences outside the field.

    Thanks to my academic training I also have a ton of somewhat educated* thoughts on “human nature” and how our ideas about that often lack enough historical and cross cultural perspectives, so if anyone wants to start a conversation on that…

    *the more education you get, the more you realize how much you don’t know….

    1. Tabby Baltimore*

      If you are familiar with topic modeling, and you’d have to present it to analysts as a research method alternative to just hunting for stuff and then reading it to see if it’s relevant, what things would you keep in mind as you create your presentation?

  244. Recs for working in a foreign language*

    Any tips on how to go from high intermediate to advanced/professional level of proficiency in a foreign language, when you don’t live in that country?

    I studied Russian in college and work in a social service position with Russian speaking clients in the US. I’m comfortable chatting and understand 99% of what my clients say and can comfortably watch TV in Russian. I’ve been told I have not much/no accent. But I don’t have the professonial “polish” that I’d like and I’m not great at explaining complex concepts. I haven’t been able to find a class at local universities that’s advanced enough, so any tips on how to work in this myself?

    1. Thlayli*

      A friend of mine used to pay a native speaker for a conversation class once a week – basically he would just go and talk with her for an hour and she would help him correct his speech in her language.

    2. Education in Japan*

      In my personal experience (not with Russian… as is probably obvious from my name!), I picked up polite business grammar and vocabulary best by hearing it repetitively. If you’re able to get a Russian tutor, or join a Russian conversation group, I think what would be helpful (if you learn like me) is to roleplay business settings, or discuss work projects, or whatever sort of language you’re trying to polish. If you switch up the roles, so that first the tutor is using the language that it’s your target to learn, and then eventually you start trying it out, it might give you the experience that it’s harder to get when you’re actually on the spot trying to use it at your job. That and trying to watch Russian TV that touches on the concepts that you’re trying to pick up? (Like, if you want to learn polite office language, watch Russian movies set in offices, etc.)

    3. Oblomov*

      Fellow Russian speaker here! This might be tedious, but once I started translating academic articles from Russian to English my ability to speak about complex subjects in Russian improved dramatically. Translation forces you to pay very close attention to syntax and vocabulary.

    4. Roja*

      Sites like Italki can help you find language partners (or tutors), if that’s what you’re interested in. I’m learning French and having someone to talk to and ask questions of in terms of connotations and current usage is really helpful.

  245. Sabrina Spellman*

    I like to think I’m pretty good with technology. Almost five years in records management has made me believe I’m fairly good with database and logic.

  246. Little Twelvetoes*

    These specialties will probably cause a major snoozefest, but I have knowledge I can share about investing for local governments (and accounting for the change in fair value) and about how Governmental Accounting Standards Board (GASB) Statement No. 68 – Accounting and Financial Reporting for Pensions affects financials statements and why.

  247. LadyKelvin*

    I’m a marine biologist and I had to learn the hard way what to do or what not to do to get here. Neither of my parents have a college degree and so most things were trial by fire when it came to figuring out how to get to my current career path. I’m happy to offer advice to young folks who think they want to be a marine biologist, give information on the reality of the job (and no, people who work at sea world/aquariums/zoos aren’t marine biologists), or talk about my research or any of the cool places I’ve traveled thanks to my career I’m happy to.

  248. Batteries Not Included*

    I used to work for a major animal welfare non-profit, so although I’m not a behaviorist, I did learn some nifty tricks.

    I’m also a genealogy nerd.

    2. Daria from Cleveland*

      New puppy parent here! Actually, our fur-baby is not technically a puppy (1-year-old poodle mix), but he is our puppy. We completed Unleashed by Petco’s 6-week course on Positive Dog Training. He is such a great student in class! Earnest and attentive. Applying in real life – so much harder. Our main issue with him is alert barking. We live in an apartment complex near the elevator, and anytime someone walks by, off goes the bark alert. Sometimes we can anticipate him barking because he will start with a growl. If he growls first we can calm him with a pat on the head or a treat or a toy. This usually works. But sometime he will set off barking without growling, and will stop after we give him the quiet signal (shushing finger over the mouth) or a toy after 3-4 barks. How do we prevent alert barking entirely?

      1. Batteries Not Included*

        It sounds like you’ve already started fixing the issue. I think it might help if you reward him for not barking. Meaning, give him the quiet signal, wait until he stops barking and then give him the toy or a treat. I would also try to put a stop to the growling. Don’t pat him on the head when he does it, as it basically reinforces the behavior. Rather, see if you can find something he values, such as an extra smelly snack or bone. Call him to you when he starts growling. Have him sit and when he stops growling he gets the treat. He should soon figure out that when he stops barking/growling he’ll get something good.

        I’m not sure if it’s possible to stop a dog from barking completely, as elevator doors opening or footsteps aren’t routine, but once he stops barking/growling, you can move the goal forward and desensitize him to the sounds. (Give him a treat when the elevator door opens — providing he’s not barking). He’ll start to realize that something good happens when he hears such noises.

      2. Ricky*

        Ooh, adjacent to this question…
        Our new pup (had her since she was 4months old, she’s 9months now) seems to be very protective of me. If I’m not home and one of my husband’s friends comes over, she’s super chill. No barking or growling, happy to meet and play. If I’m home, though, there’s all sorts of alert barking, a little growling, and we have to go through all kinds of “introductions” before she’ll stop. We’ve tested it out multiple times, and the only thing that correlates is if I’m there or not.

        1. Batteries Not Included*

          Congrats on your new pup, too! This one might be a bit trickier. The thing about positive reinforcement is that it’s kind of a trade-off. Giving a dog something valuable to stop something else. In this case, you seem to be the thing she values most, so it might be difficult to find something that she might value more to stop the behavior. (In other words, this may be beyond my nifty trick experience). But, I think the key here is to make sure that your pup is getting positive reinforcement from visitors, guests, or your husband while you’re there. That means, don’t pet her or talk to her when she’s acting possessive. Rather have your guest give her a treat (if she’s acting good) or play a light game of fetch or tug to distract her and if she acts the way you want her to, then you give her a pet or a treat. This way she realizes that when she acts badly in front of you, she gets nothing. But when she behaves, all kinds of good things happen.

          I would also recommend your husband feed, walk, play with her a bit more often (even if he’s already doing that stuff). This will help distribute the good stuff you both do for her a bit more equally and may reduce her level of possessiveness over you.

        2. Daria from Cleveland*

          Similar situation here! The alert growling and barking is definitely more pronounced when it is just me at home (I’m female), and not as much when my partner (who is male) is home alone with the pup or when both of us are home.

      1. einahpets*

        Has there been any science explanation posed on exactly what happened to Scott Kelly’s genes/epigenetics while he was in space for a year? I’ve been too busy to look into it much, but it sounded like the start of a really interesting premise for a sci-fi novel, heh.

        1. Typhon Worker Bee*

          Ha, the coverage of this experiment was such a gong show! So many outlets had to issue corrections and clarifications. A good science communication lesson for everyone.

          The actual scientific paper isn’t out in full peer-reviewed form yet, but from the preliminary “science by press release” version:

          They’re saying that his telomeres (the protective cap structures at the ends of chromosomes) got longer while he was in space (unexpected – the stress of all that extra radiation would have been expected to accelerate the usual rate of shortening), but then went back to normal again once he returned.

          A number of his genes were either under- or over-expressed while he was in space (expected – epigenetics and gene expression change in response to all kinds of things). Most of them went back to normal after he returned, but ~7% haven’t (yet). This is the source of the “7% of his DNA changed” misunderstanding – the genes themselves stayed the same, but the “dimmer switches” that control them were shifted. If 7% of his DNA sequence had changed, he’d be a whole different species!

          They did find a small number of DNA sequence changes between him and his twin brother, just as you would for any pair of twins – DNA mutations happen often enough, and at random, that you’d expect twin brothers’ sequences to diverge by a teeny tiny amount even if they were living in the same house.

          I can’t wait to read the final paper! Of course, you can’t learn much from a single pair of twins, but I’m so glad that NASA found a way to take advantage of this unique opportunity to run a case study.

  250. EngrEbby*

    I’m a telco detail engineer with a basic IT/admin background. I coded webpages for fun in HS and I did temp admin work but seemed to be the Ms.Fixit at every office I was assigned to up until my last placement where I trained up from an engineering assistant to managing turnkey projects of my own. I’m apparently a pro with Excel, Outlook and troubleshooting. I also have narcolepsy with cataplexy as my superpower and telework from home.

    1. Tabby Baltimore*

      Can you recommend any good books for this Outlook user to read that will really explain and then help me use the task manager function more efficiently?

  251. Agent of the Nine*

    I know quite a bit about video games. Working in the games industry (art, design, and publishing), but also just playing games and esports. Semi-related, but I also have more experience than I would prefer at being the only lady on a team or in a meeting.

    1. Soulsborne? We can do better!*

      Fellow gamer girl here and I just wanted to come give an Internet high five! I figured my HR expertise was not needed with Alison here, and the only other thing I could think of that I’m really passionate about is gaming. I’ve never been in the industry, but as a frequent user of the end product, THANK YOU! <3

      Here's where you can help define a genre! My true passion is souls-like games. You know what I would love? If the industry came up with an actual name for the genre. Just like back in the day before the term "First Person Shooter" was coined, every FPS that came out after Doom was a "Doom clone" until the term FPS came into use. The terms "soulsborne" or "souls-like" just don't really always fit. We need a good descriptor. I'm leaving this mighty task in your professional hands!

      1. Agent of the Nine*

        How about “really freaking hard” games (RFH)? No? Ok, I’ll keep working on it.

      2. Agent of the Nine*

        Ok, we have spent an innordenent amount of time discussing this today at work. Our front runner term is “Epic RPG” though there is a strong contingent pushing for “Dungeon Crawler”.

    2. T3k*

      Out of curiosity, also being female within the game industry (production) how often do you feel gender came into play? For the most part I didn’t feel it affected anything for me, but occasionally someone would make a comment like “gentlemen, what about X?” and then realize I was there and there’d be that awkward stammering of trying to fix that. I usually brushed it off though as it never felt they were intentionally trying to exclude me like that. The only time I felt excluded though was the people I sat with, there were 7 of us in one of the rooms (all men except me) and they all tended to have lunch together and only once did one of them ask if I wanted to join, but I couldn’t because I had other plans and they never asked again (and being an extreme introvert doesn’t help in that kind of situation).

      1. Agent of the Nine*

        I’ve been pretty lucky and generally worked with great people who mean well; when gender issues come up it’s usually subtle. Something similar to what you mentioned happened at the last place I worked. A lot of guys, including the president, played together on a mens-only softball team. They actually looked into a co-ed option, but you have to have a minimum number of women on the team and we didn’t have enough to meet the requirement. Doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but when a promotion opportunity opened up it went to someone on that team without the position even being posted for others to apply. I heard later it was because he had some experience in X, so it was a perfect fit, but a woman on my team came from a company where X was her full time job!

        Sometimes falls on me to be the modesty police, even though that is not at all related to my job. When you are in a room where everyone agrees something is great it can be tough to have to call out, hey you know maybe a thong isn’t the best choice here for that nun’s outfit. I’m an introvert too, but I’ve gotten better at speaking up through sheer practice. It’s usually not that people don’t want your input, they are just kind of oblivious that it is even needed.

  252. Admin of Sys*

    I have 20+ years of windows server and infrastructure support (ad, sccm, etc) and about 15 years of process / policy design in regards to the above, but I’m not sure how well that translates into a q/a scenario. I’ve also designed a few inventory and ticket tracking systems during my career.(though I tend to outsource the ui / ux bits).
    As for personal hobbies, I dabble with every craft I can find, which precludes gaining expert class in anything – but I have the basics down if anyone wants to ask a beginner question about something?

  253. intrinsically knotted*

    I’m a mathematician (just finished my PhD last year!) so feel free to ask any math questions, big or small. I especially enjoy taking big scary complex math topics and boiling them down so a layperson can understand.

  254. Bea W*

    Happy to answer any questions about
    1) Pet rabbits, hay, poop, etc – all the important stuff
    2) Genealogy, including DNA testing

    1. Goya de la Mancha*

      ohhhh #2! What free online resources do you have to recommend for searching? I’ve pretty much taken my search as far as I can in my own state and ancestry(dot)com won’t work for me, because poor. I had both my parents tested (see how I avoided any soul crushing secrets about my family by having them tested instead of myself :-p) and my search is going to need to stop by a few states but very shortly will be overseas, which also is hard because, poor.

      1. Annie Moose*

        Have you looked at FamilySearch? It’s free, but has access to many of the same resources as Ancestry.

        Unfortunately, I haven’t had as much luck with outside the US, so if anyone has advice there, I’d be happy to hear about it… mostly looking for Austrian, Polish, and Scottish records.

        1. Bea W*

          Ahh Scotland, I have some links on my home computer. I’ll come back to post them tonight or tomorrow morning if someone doesn’t beat me to it. Scotland is a lot like Ireland in that civil registration of BMDs wasn’t a thing until mid-1800s. If you want anything before 1855, church records are your best bet.

          I haven’t attempted much in Scotland yet since I’m still trying to identify where in Scotland my folks came from.

      2. Bea W*

        FamilySearch is totally free and has loads of records and images. That is a great place to start. They have also indexed results from other sites like Ellis Island passenger search. Some states have archives or databases online as do some countries. Parts of canada, Italy, Lithuania, and Ireland are the ones I’m most familiar with off the top of my head. What states and countries are you researching?

        Find-a-Grave is great for researching burial places and gravestones and is totally free. Passenger records for Ellis Island are free libertyellisfoundation dot org /passenger

        Take advantage of local public libraries for free access to paid databases and local newspaper archives. If you are near your state archives, often research in person is free. Check out local historical and genealogical societies.

        If you want to mention names of states and countries or ethnicities you’re interested in andd what time frame I might be able to point you to some other specific resources. There’s a ton of stuff out there. It’s just knowing where to find it and what’s available. States have different rules about accessing vital records and archives and some were better at keeping records than others. (MA was great! NY not so much.) Same for goes for different countries. Italians were meticulous record keepers for centuries. Canada will drive you mad.

        Depending on how into playing with DNA testing you are, I recommend uploading data to GEDMatch which is free and has a rich collection of tools for finding matches and digging deeper in ancestry.

      3. Goya de la Mancha*

        I do use familysearch for most of my researching. I was hoping there was some awesome site i was missing ;). I take breaks and there always seems to be a new nugget of info available.

    2. Tabby Baltimore*

      My son says he wants to get a rabbit. He’s allergic to cats. Do rabbits have dander?

      1. Lynn UK*

        My husband has a significant cat allergy (he can visit a house where a cat once used to live and react severely) but we have had house rabbits for many years with virtually no issues. The only exception was a lionhead rabbit that induced a reaction almost as severe as a cat.

  255. Extra Vitamins*

    I am good at pruning trees and shrubs. I have a good store of random knowledge about gardening in general, and tomatoes in particular. I can also handle weird legacy codes in FORTRAN.

  256. Trillion*

    On the off chance anyone else here uses it: I’m a Workday Admin. I’ve had exposure to most HCM functionalities and can write some pretty mean calculated field hierarchies.

  257. Nonprofit worker*

    The topics I enjoy advising:

    Teaching English and living in South Korea.

    Financial literacy and scholarships (applications, how to find them) for high school and college students.

    Free or low-cost Professional development in education/leadership/training (where to find it)

    Question: What was the best low cost or free professional development you participated in?

  258. The Rat-Catcher*

    “How do I write this/say this so it doesn’t sound rude/annoying/confrontational?”

    This is about the only thing other than institutional knowledge that people actually seek me out for.

  259. DiscoTechie*

    Transportation engineer here, have a question about traffic, roads, signs, etc? I’m your gal.

    1. Aurion*

      Oh, I’ve been curious about this one for forever!

      Within the last 7-8 years, my urban city has installed antennas on many of their intersections. Sometimes they’re attached to a small camera in which case they’re monitoring traffic visually. But a lot of the times I just see a small square panel antenna or a yagi antenna and I cannot figure out what they’re monitoring.

      Google maps work by tracking how many cellular signals are tapping into the local cell towers, and I don’t think they’d be using municipal intersection antennas anyway, so for the life of me I’ve never figured out what those antennas are supposed to be doing. Inquiring minds want to know!

      1. DiscoTechie*

        Traffic signals aren’t my specific forte, but I’ve been around long enough to know something. The antennas communicate between a traffic operations center/traffic signal department and the controller for the signal. This allows dynamic signal timing; usually signal timing is fixed (sometimes adjusted for the time of day, a controller can run multiple schemes throughout the day based on traffic). It allows the people in charge to respond to traffic as it happens, big events, crashes, weather events etc and change the traffic signals on the fly to better accommodate traffic flows. It’s all under the big umbrella of Intelligent Transportation Systems (ITS).

        There is also some stuff on the horizon for connected vehicles. I got to test drive a very nice Volvo that used the municipal traffic signal system to give you a heads up display on the dash for whether you’d make the signal at your current speed, give you some recommended speeds, etc. Pretty neat.

        1. Annie Moose*

          Oooh, that sounds like a very neat system (in the Volvo). I recently got a Prius and loooove all the driving assistance it provides (parking assistance, adaptive cruise control, etc.). The more, the better, in my opinion!

    2. tiffer130*

      Not a question, but an observation: I went through a diverging diamond interchange for the first time this summer (maybe in Missouri or Illinois, I can’t remember where exactly) and it was amazing! Such a smart solution for better, safer traffic flow. Hope they are implemented more and more across the country!

      1. DiscoTechie*

        They’re great for traffic flow, but the jury is still out on pedestrian and bike safety. There’s not a really good and obvious place to route pedestrians through the interchange. I’ve seen some where’s it’s this big walled off corridor between the flipped traffic. They do look really cool though!

        1. tiffer130*

          I honestly wasn’t considering bike or passenger safety… I was thinking more traffic safety – it’s nice that they eliminate the left turn in a high traffic area like an interstate on/off ramp. But that just illustrates why I’m not a traffic engineer as I only considered 1 of the “parties” trying to use the road… whoops!

    3. Elizabeth*

      I was recently commenting on how reliable traffic lights seem to be. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen them out, or working incorrectly in the last decade.
      Why is that?

      1. DiscoTechie*

        We must live in different parts of the country, lol. Any traffic signal outages here in the upper Midwest are because of power outages related to weather events. I would attribute the reliability to the increasing use of LED lights now which last a lot longer, run cooler, and help overall reliability. One downside to the LEDs is that they do not melt snow off of them like the incandescent bulbs did. Win some lose some.

  260. miyeritari*

    I’m actually *looking* for advice for something: I am a crier. I cry about basically anything I get worked up about. I don’t WANT to, and I don’t MEAN to, and I know that it damages my reputation and any arguments I’m trying to make. I’m a woman in tech, so it’s even worse. I can’t help it! I get worked up and the tears just flow. Even when I’m angry. Happy. You name it, I’ll cry about it.

    Yesterday I was talking to our HR person (thankfully a woman) about how I was thinking of growing my unique role with the company, and I was just so overwhelmed by the good and the bad and the options and the future that i was just WEEPING. And I was like “Ignore this! I can’t help it!” And she was like “Look. This doesn’t bother me. But you should try to not cry when you talk about thinking about all the reasons you want to expand and grow with the company.”

    I’m pretty sure this doesn’t require medication or therapy, and those aren’t super time/financially feasible, so please do not suggest! Otherwise, does anyone have any suggestions on how I can stop crying about everything I care about?

    1. mythopoeia*

      Can you enlist a friend to walk through some emotionally intense scenarios with you? Having practice dealing with big feelings in a less intense setting might give you some opportunities to hit pause and figure out how to process the emotions or work around them for the time being.

    2. Jubilance*

      I am also a crier when I feel any emotion really intensely – anger, sadness, happiness, they all come out through my eyeballs.

      What has helped me:
      *figuring out what was triggering me – it wasn’t just enough to know I was feeling things strongly, I needed to know WHY I had such an extreme response, and at work. Turns out, I grew up with a lot of criticism and feeling like I was never good enough, and now when I’m given negative feedback, especially from someone like a manager, I go right back to being that little 8 year old who wasn’t good enough.
      *Distracting myself – I actually learned that tip here in another thread. For those meetings where I think I might cry (like my performance review) I use little things to distract myself. Pinching yourself under the table can be good, cause your mind focuses on the pain. Or I’ll doodle in the margins. Or I’ll drink from my water bottle. Or pop a Lifesaver in my mouth. Anything to get me to not think about tears – I find trying to not cry just makes me cry.
      *And finally, I’m still working on this, but I’m trying to learn to care less? Which sounds cavelier but what I mean is that I’m trying to not be so emotionally invested, so I don’t have this intense emotional response that ends with tears.

  261. Iphis & Ianthe*

    Any professional artists here? How did you start your career?

    When my grandfather retired, he picked up painting. He’s extremely talented (I know, I know – I’m biased), even more so when you consider the fact that he’s legally blind! He’s been significantly more prolific ever since my grandmother passed away, so he now has a surplus of paintings he doesn’t know what to do with.

    It would be amazing if I could get his art in a local exhibit or something. But I have no idea how to go about that, especially since I don’t live near him (or even in the same state). I’m sure this is a tough path to go down, and it’s a total longshot, but how would I/he even begin the process of getting him “known”?

    1. ContentWrangler*

      I am not an artist but you mentioned local exhibits, which I do have some experience with. I sometimes volunteer for my city’s art commission which is a group of residents and one elected official who promote local art. They put on gallery shows in a city owned space. So that could be a good place to start. Check out the local government where your grandfather lives and see if they have any branches, committees, or commissions dedicated to art.

    2. beanie beans*

      My husband is a semi-professional artist (semi in the sense that he has a day job. I think it’s rare that artists are able to get by without one).

      Very impressive that he is blind and creates interesting work! Since (my view of) the art world is very personal-story-based, this could be a good way for him to enter the art world.

      -Have him write up a bio about him and his work. A story about why he paints, what he paints, his process as a blind person, etc.
      -If he doesn’t have digital images of his work, have pictures taken of his work.
      -Look for Calls for Artists – depends on his community about how this would be posted, but larger cities the municipality may have an Arts and Culture department that would post these. Smaller towns might be done by individual galleries or local organizations.
      -Start contacting galleries. Each gallery will have their own way of accepting submissions and it just takes work finding out each process. Some do annual calls for submissions online. Some take getting to know the gallery owner and submitting by email if they are interested. Some don’t take submissions at all.
      -Be prepared for rejection. Don’t take it personally. (like the job application process or so many industries!)
      -If he isn’t interested in the gallery scene but just wants to get his work out there or is more interested in sales but not the “serious” art world, look into local art fairs, or look into whether his community has studio tours.
      -He could also just host his own studio sales – advertise locally through social media, invite friends and family.

    3. foolofgrace*

      Maybe a local library would put up his stuff for a month or so. Same with local restaurants — they get free art on their walls, he might make a few sales. Also local government if it’s small enough, they might put his stuff up for a month or so.

    4. cleo*

      I’ve been a semi-professional artist in the past. I agree with Beanie Beans’ suggestions.

      There are lots of places to exhibit work. It might help you to talk with someone in your grandfather’s town about what the exhibition scene is there. Many cities and towns have an arts council or artists’ organization that might be a place to start. They would probably have a Call for Artists’ list – which is a list of submission opportunities.

      There are many types of galleries – both commercial and non-profit – the np galleries can be part of a larger entity like a college or arts center or not. There are also artist co-op galleries.

      Back when I was applying to a lot of places, there were some scams – again, they’re usually known by the local arts group. It used to be common to have a submission fee for group shows – some of those shows were legit and a few were scams. I have no idea what’s common now.

  262. Elizabeth the Ginger*

    Elementary science teacher here. I’m good at explaining science stuff. My special skill is explaining puberty and the reproductive system in plain, direct language without getting embarrassed (both to students and to parents!).

  263. animaniactoo*

    I’m useful for: Typesetting advice (how to make your type look professional)
    Product Development
    Random advice about all kinds of relationships
    Critical thinking breakdowns (finding the key focus)
    Structuring risk analysis viewpoints of bad/worse/huh/what? choices.

    I used to be an expert in Illustrator and Photoshop, but while my skills are still fairly up there, they’ve added some new stuff in the last 3 to 4 years I haven’t delved enough into to have a solid handle on yet. So if it’s anything other than those bits and pieces, I can probably help.

  264. Regular but Anon*

    I can answer some questions about security clearances and the process to get one (what it’s like) but I’ll ignore any and all questions that are job specific.

  265. prussianblue*

    Excited to read through this thread! Especially looking for fun and innovative ways to engage people in planning, economic development, and environmental protection.

    Related to my side job and not my FT hustle but…
    I opened an Etsy shop last year and started getting into the world of fairs and festival. I’m a watercolor painter with no formal training and have loved starting my own business, decoding Etsy through all its recent ups and downs, and meeting people in the handcrafted world. Happy to answer any questions on that if you’re considering it!

  266. AVP - Filmmaker*

    Hi, I’m a film producer, mostly working on documentaries, commercials, and branded content productions. A little TV here and there. If you have any questions about how the content-sausage gets made, or how to make your own content better or more professional, hit me up!

  267. The Rat-Catcher*

    Someone else’s letter reminded me – I’m 3 for 3 on medical insurance appeals. Two of my own and one, a letter I wrote for someone else to submit to her insurance. Feel free to ask anything about that.

    1. Tabby Baltimore*

      Please tell me what you think what key things should be present in an appeal letter. This is really valuable to know!

  268. Red Reader*

    Expert-ness:
    *Medical coding and billing (on the hospital/clinic side, not the insurance side)
    *Disneyworld (Orlando parks, I go 4+ times a year)
    *I’ve been a full time student while working full time for the last ten years.

    1. Rusty Shackelford*

      How is the medical coding/billing field doing right now? I know it was hot for a while… would you recommend a young person get into it? What’s the pay like?

      1. Red Reader*

        So, with all the juggling that’s going on, our world is only getting more complicated as far as rules and regulations and whatnot, which means it’s less likely that we’re going to lose jobs to automated systems and we need people who have training and education. That’s a plus. (About 25% of our charts are coded through automated systems to the claims submission stage rather than by a human, and about 75% of claims that require pre-submission human review because of various errors come from the 25% that were automated.)

        It’s significantly less likely that someone who HASN’T had the training/formal education is going to be able to get in at an entry level and learn on the job — my mom was a coder/biller before me and never got certified, I was hired to do data entry and analysis and ended up training on the job as a coder in my first couple years, and neither of those things is super likely to happen nowadays. So it’s definitely not the easy-way-in that it used to be, because now you need 1-2 years of education and a moderately expensive certification to do it. (If you’re lucky, an organization will hire you with the education and pay for your certification. That’s what we do. But if you can’t pass the cert exam within a certain time frame, you do not get out of your probationary status; we do not keep coders who aren’t certified.)

        What we’re seeing from a lot of our new, fresh-out-of-school, zero-experience applicants are people who were out of the workforce for a while and went back to school to start over or otherwise looking for a second career, we don’t have a whole lot of young folks coming in these days. There are some – one of my fellow team leads is in her late 20s, but otherwise I at 37 am on the young end of both our coders and our management. One thing that I really do appreciate about my career field is that we are a very woman-heavy industry. My team of 24 has two men (one of whom will be leaving in a couple months when he graduates nursing school), there are I think four levels of management above me before the next man on the org chart, and he’s up in the VP level.

        There’s also a lot of options for remote work in our field once you get your foot in the door, which is nice. In fact, one of the things that really chaps my ass is that, because we don’t have enough coders to keep up with our workload, we have third-party vendors who code our claims (poorly) from India. (I complained about the crappy coders who were from the US too, when we had those. I don’t care that they’re from India, I care that they’re crappy coders and I have to clean up their mess. Point is, they’re doing the work, however poorly, from the other side of the world.)

        For a young person getting into it… I think there’s a lot of room for growth, and it’s a super interesting field. I’ve been working in this field since I was 23, I now have a bachelor degree in public health and am finishing two masters degrees here in about six weeks, and several members of my management are working on how they can both keep me engaged in my current role for a while (not hard, I love my job) but also prepare me to continue up the org chart in one of several branches of our management structure. Our hospital’s internal minimum wage is $14/hour, I believe our coders start at $18 for lowest-tier entry level students who haven’t gotten cert yet and of course higher for coders with more experience or higher level certifications, and I make (cough) significantly more than that, plus 6 weeks of PTO per year and the ability to work from home in my pajamas with a dog on my lap. (Any farther up the org chart and I’ll have to start commuting in.)

          1. Red Reader*

            :) and, bonus, my professional association alternates its annual conference between Vegas and Disneyworld. :)

      1. Red Reader*

        My two big ones (well, 2.5 really):

        1. Calendar like your life depends on it. My calendar has eight sub-calendars, but by god, everything I have to do is on there. Do it however works for you – I’m an Apple girl, so mine is a combination of iCal plus the Reminders app on my phone etc, and all my notes and documents for class live in Dropbox and Notability on my iPad. If you use the google suite, or Evernote, or OneNote, or hard copy, great, whatever works for you, the important thing is to find what organization structure will work for you and cling to it like you’re Kate Winslet on a floating door.

        2. Think very realistically about what you’re willing to let slide – or, 2.5, what you’re willing to spend money on instead of time, if that’s an option. I work 50 hours a week aside from school. I’m not vacuuming the floor or cleaning bathrooms, I pay someone else to do it every other week and in between I chase the tumbleweeds with the Dustbuster if I notice them. (I have housemates, but they would also rather throw money than clean. I don’t care, it gets done by not-me.) The bills get paid, the homework gets done, and I don’t order pizza more than once a week, so I call it a win. Figure out what needs to happen for you to call it a win and let yourself be okay with that, don’t beat yourself up if something slides.

        My catchphrase has become “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” There have been more than a few times where I’ve gone “if I get a B on this paper, I still have an A- in the class, it’s not worth another three hours of editing, this is good enough.” One class with a particularly awful instructor, I spent four months chanting “I just need a C+ or better. I can do anything for four months.” :-P

    1. Ricky*

      What would be your recommendations for Instagram for a handmade small business? Or any recommendations at all. Or all of them :)

      2. AVP - Filmmaker*

        This is maybe-maybe-not helpful, but if you’re planning to take the photos yourself, can I recommend the book Styling for Instagram by Leela Cyd? I found it really helpful in terms of beginning photography advice and how to make things look good and sellable.

      3. Meeps*

        Instagram is great for small businesses! Once you have a solid page with some back content I would definitely recommend advertising through them, their reach is great and pretty reasonable prices.

        For the page itself, keep in mind that people follow IGs for the *aesthetic* (sarcasm emphasized) not just the person / product behind the page, so I would be strategic with the style of your photos, the visual impact, the overall theme / vibe. Everything should feel cohesive and intentional, not like a personal page. Depending on what your business is, you don’t have to make your entire page about it, you can always share other content / quotes / lifestyle photos to create an overall aspirational page that people would follow regardless of what you are trying to sell them. Be careful with hashtags they’re such a catch 22, obviously you need them to be discovered but if you do too many IG deprioritizes the post. A handful of specific, targeted tags is all you need, plus it’s helpful to geotag posts to give additional metadata for the algorithm to use in surfacing you to potential fans. Engage with people, like / comment on people’s stuff, but don’t be spammy about it and try to keep it to things related to your own content. It’s so obvious when someone spams 10 likes on a sports account when they’re a makeup brand that they’re just trying to get a follow.

        Hope some of this is helpful! LMK if you have any other questions!

        1. Ricky*

          How would you recommend finding more tags that aren’t ~too~ popular but are… sorta popular?

          1. Meeps*

            I’d look at ones that are close to the super popular tag but not exact, like #catsofig vs #catsofinstagram, but the easiest way is just to search and explore. If you put in “#happy” you can see what tags come up that start with that word, all the variations, and it’ll show the usage # next to it. Also take a look at top posts in your network and maybe use their second or third tag as opposed to the dominant one. There are also sites like Hashtagify that can be hlelpful!

    2. GuitarLady*

      I am just starting a Youtube channel, how do I market to people I am not friends with on Facebook??

      1. Meeps*

        That’s awesome, what kind of channel?

        You want to make sure you have a presence on all the major social platforms, so I’d make a business FB page, Twitter, and IG. It can feel a bit overwhelming but you don’t need to be posting to each platform every day and they can all be used in different ways to find an audience. FB for sharing both your YT videos and content you enjoy (though keep in mind natively uploaded video is going to do better than a link to YT), Twitter for a conversation with your fans, giving people insight into you and your personality, and IG for more of a curated overview of who you are and what your content is about. Engagement is the biggest way to build your audience, reply to comments, find other people doing what you are doing and connect with them, seek out collaborations.

        1. GuitarLady*

          I make political parody music videos, kinda like Randy Rainbow, but at the moment a lot less flashy. I have a Facebook page and I try to upload something every week. I have been boosting my Facebook posts, but its been a lot of money spent for only a few more views. I also do not “get” IG at all. I am just so lost as to how to get my video out to people who are not my FB friends.

          1. Meeps*

            Sounds fun! How much do you know about optimizing your channel? Titles, tags, keywords on your video itself etc are crucial in making sure you’re discoverable via search and the sidebar. Aside from the social media marketing piece of it, that’s super important!

            1. GuitarLady*

              I know basically nothing. Do you have tips, or good articles about how to title tag and keyword effectively? I have just been doing my best guess.

              1. Meeps*

                A site like Tubebuddy can be immensely helpful if that’s something you want to invest in, but the basics are:

                Titles – Use strong relevant keywords, no clickbait, keep them short to medium length.

                Tags – Repeat keyword from the title in your tags, first three are the most important, use as many short phrases / variations as you can and don’t just use high traffic single words like “political” or “parody”, too broad. Think of things people might search, you can even do common misspellings. If you download the free Tubebuddy or VidIQ extension you can see tags other people use, so you can go to popular videos and find tags that they’re using that are relevant to your content too.

                Description – Repeat those keywords again! First 120 characters are the most important for search so start with a few sentences summarizing the video, then any links etc below the click through.

                The about page can be good for search too, definitely populate with a bio and channel description.

                Hope this helps!

        2. GuitarLady*

          I also have a Twitter for my channel, but I only have like 20 followers, and I don’t really know what to Tweet other than when I release a video.

          1. Meeps*

            I would try to find people making similar or related content, share their videos, engage with them. If the videos are political parody you could share articles and talk politics in a light-hearted way, but of course that might invite a level of attention you don’t want! Twitter is definitely the most informal of the platforms, you can definitely experiment. You can upload video on Twitter as well, your type of content might do really well!

    3. nep*

      Re Instagram — I regularly look at a good number of Instagram accounts, but I don’t have an account. I often wish I could comment on some posts, but I don’t want to keep up an IG. Can/should I create an account simply to be able to comment on others? Or is that just a ridiculous thing to do? Ta.

      1. Meeps*

        Not ridiculous at all! There are definitely people who do that. I work in digital media and I hardly ever post to my own IG :)

  270. SEO Manager*

    I work for a small ad agency doing SEO (search engine optimization). I’m also a proofreader / copy editor. And I love chocolate lol.

  271. Ealasaid*

    I have a pretty eclectic skillset, am happy to answer questions about…

    * Bookbinding and book repair (I took a bunch of courses/workshops back around 2010 and have had my bookbinding/repair side hustle going since then)
    * Personal library cataloging and organization (I own around 2k books, and have cataloged my own and other people’s libraries)
    * Movie reviewing (been writing reviews for my hometown paper since 2002)
    * Technical writing (12 years, mostly software documentation but also TiVo hardware and financial SaaS stuff)
    * IKEA furniture-assembler (I love it, it’s like LEGO but when I finish, I have furniture!)
    * Guitar Hero and Rock Band, up through GH3 and RB3. (I played competitively and was part of the ScoreHero.com scene for quite a while.)
    * Caring for cats with chronic illness and/or health weirdness, including: orthodontic needs (kitty braces!), IBS, small-cell lymphoma, and chronic renal failure.

    1. Meeps*

      I have a kitty question, might be out of your wheelhouse though! My old man is almost 19, has lymphoma, and he’s doing SO well for the most part but he’s not grooming himself quite like he used to. He haaates when I try to get his mats out but I know he’s uncomfortable. I tried to find a mobile groomer to come to the house but they all don’t work on the elderly. He’s also having problems lately stepping in his wet litter, getting it caked on his foot, and tracking it all over my apartment so I’ve started to cover the litter with newspaper and he seems to be fine with that for now. Any tips on the grooming front?

      1. Ealasaid*

        Oh man, lymphoma sucks. :( My old guy didn’t groom well either the last year or two, but he was a shorthair so it wasn’t too bad. Is yours longhair? How is he for brushing? If he’ll tolerate it pretty well (I bribe my kitties with praise and treats after meds and other unpleasant stuff), daily brushing will keep the mats at bay. Getting them out in the first place is the hard part, though. Some vets will do it, iirc, but he might be better off with someone holding him and you getting after the mats yourself.

        Once they’re gone, you can keep them gone with brushing. If you make a routine out of it, where you brush him for X minutes and then give him his favorite treat, at approximately the same time every day, he might get more chill about brushing. Our young IBD kitty cries in the kitchen for her treats even though she hates the meds we give her first. :)

        If he’s a longhair, does he have a “sanitary trim”? That’ll keep his fluffy buttinsky from getting matted/gross/poopy. My vet did it for my fluffy guy and it made a big difference.

        For the litter issue, maybe try a non-clumping litter? it can help prevent UTIs and stuff in elderly cats, and won’t cake on the feet. I use Dr. Elsey’s Senior: https://www.petsmart.com/cat/litter-and-waste-disposal/litter/dr.-elseys-precious-cat-senior-cat-litter—multi-cat-strength-13506.html There are a million variants of that litter, though, so check them out. It’s weird stuff, kind of like the gravel in those tiny silica packets that keep meds dry in the bottle. I like it way better than any clumping litter I’ve used, though.

        I hope that helps! Best wishes to your old fella.

    2. Tabby Baltimore*

      Just two questions: (1) What data points do you record when cataloguing your (or other people’s) book collection(s)? (2) Can you recommend any particular guidelines or online sites that contain good examples of software documentation? Thanks for your time.

      1. Ealasaid*

        (1) The main things I catalog are:
        – Title
        – Author
        – Format (hard/soft cover, etc)
        – ISBN
        – Sometimes a cover photo and even a full set of condition-demonstrating photos (front and back covers, spine, front and back endpapers, etc.)
        For my personal library I also track its classification in my personal system (loosely based on Colon Classification) and what room it’s in.
        I do it all with LibraryThing, which I adore. If I have the ISBN, I can put that in the “add book” search box and it’ll pull all the details from a bunch of different catalogs (including Amazon’s sales pages) to give you all the info. Old books have to be entered manually most of the time, but newer ones have ISBN barcodes and are a breeze to enter.
        (2) Ohhh, interesting question! Finding good software doc can be a challenge. Lemme ping my network and do some digging, I’ll be back! :)

  272. LDP*

    Professionally, I’ve spent time in PR and marketing in all different fields (government, wastewater, mall management, a food bank, etc.) I’m pretty good at pitching to media, and coming up with creative ideas for social media. I’m also a decent writer and have some experience in WordPress.
    Personally, I’m also really into makeup and clothes. I’m good at making just about anyone like me, and I’m REALLY good at making friends. I moved to Dallas almost two years ago knowing literally no one, and now I’m having to turn down invites from friends because I have too much going on. I also know more about U.S. Presidents that any normal person should, so if you’ve got questions about obscure presidents, I could help there! :)

    1. Anonsies*

      @LDP Hi! I’m a sorta-new (5 years, but 4 in school) Dallas girl who’s really interested in PR and marketing. Would you mind sharing a little more about how to break into an industry like that? I currently work in Higher Ed and so have relevant, if not exactly-aligned experience. Thanks!

  273. SmallCog*

    I am an amateur expert on growing food. I’m really passionate about vegetable gardening, with less experience in fruit trees.

    Also, I homeschooled four children while working as an online college teacher for about 20 years – so I can answer questions about that.

    And the divorce that ended my homeschooling career has launched my newish hobby of diy home renovation, so I can answer questions about living in a gutted house and making it nice.

    1. LBK*

      Are there easy/foolproof vegetables that you’d recommend to a novice gardener just trying to get started growing their own produce? I live in New England if that makes a difference for growing conditions.

      1. SmallCog*

        Local conditions are everything. In New England, you’re battling a number of different challenges. I’d also recommend you read Eliot Coleman’s Four-Season Harvest because he talks about colder climates. Soil is almost everything. They aren’t kidding about amending with compost – if you have to buy it, okay, also used large animal bedding that has been aged in piles, old chicken coop bedding that has been aged, etc.

        First, you have to understand and believe that you and the plant want exactly the same thing – for it to thrive and grow. It’s up to you to give it the best start/care you can, so appropriate soil, water, light. You can’t control weather, but you can monitor for pests, etc. Steady moisture – where I am I had to water every day, places where it rains don’t have to do that. Keep weeds under control while they’re small, mulch helps especially if you put down Sluggo to keep snails down.

        Everyone jokes about zucchini because they are so prolific – they are easy, even if they’re not my #1 favorite eat. Warmth, good soil but not overfed, and you got zucchini (pick while young, know male/female flowers and eat the male ones to keep stuff down, know how to hand-pollinate).

        The other beginner/easy is Swiss chard. Subject to leafminers (all beet family is) but you can monitor and pick egg clusters off and it would be fine. Radishes go from seed to plate in about 32 days, if you like them. They are about as close to instant gratification that you’re going to get.

        Start with potted babies from a reputable garden center once your area is prepared. Read a lot – check out different approaches. I don’t believe there is One True Way To Garden, but from the huegelculture to the permies, other people do.

        Seeds are super super fun! Bush beans (like warmth, no kidding, but so fun), sunflowers, kale – all easy from seed.

        Oh, pro tip – let kale, parseley and coriander go to seed and take the branches with seed heads and whap! them randomly around your yard and you will have perpetual green things, they’ll just grow on their own timing. Not neat and in rows though.

        1. LBK*

          Ooo, I do like radishes so that sounds like a good place to start. I have very limited space so that also curtails my options a little – I live in the city, the entire yard is about 10′ x 15′ with a ~1 foot wide dirt perimeter around the grass that our upstairs neighbor uses for gardening. She usually manages to coax tomatoes and squash out of there so I know it can be done!

          Do you have any experience with growing herbs? I hear it can be done fairly easily, even indoors, which would definitely be nice as I cook a lot.

          1. SmallCog*

            But of course. Herbs generally are somewhat hardy, mostly things like oregano and rosemary and thyme – think about them growing on the side of a hill in Tuscany. You also might enjoy reading the Square Food Gardening books – excellent mashup of biointensive and crazy American approaches. Basil can be like a weed if it’s happy, which is fortunate, or it can pout and die. Cilantro will want to bolt (send up flower/seedheads) if you look at it crossways. Sage just kind of putters along. I don’t have a lot of experience growing indoors, but a setup with a light might work well. They aren’t huge, and you can keep them small. One of the things I miss most from my divorce garden was a True Greek Bay tree – grew like a crazy weedbush and kept me in lovely bay leaves all the time. Oh! citrus makes a nice indoor plant if you have enough light.

    2. LadyKelvin*

      Do you have any experience growing vegetables in Hawaii? I’m growing a garden and Its doing great, but I have never gardened somewhere where there wasn’t seasons and everything died in the winter. Will my tomato plant continue producing fruits year round? Will I have to dig it up and plant a new one at some point to “restart” the process? Are plants only annuals because they die in cold weather or will they die even if its perfect growing weather year round?

      1. SmallCog*

        I’m not in Hawaii, but I have gardened in Arizona and the Bay Area. Some plants are dedicated annuals, some biannuals, some perennials, some only annuals because they hate cold. Sorry, not a single answer!

        There has to be a local gardening calendar – light hours matter as much as temperature to some plants, so you have seasons, they just aren’t the usual big four.

        Peppers are in fact kind of perennial – so if they don’t die, they just turn into big bushes. Artichokes have to be cut down after a couple of seasons to convince them to stop. In Arizona the planting times were skewed – we had to treat summer kind of like winter because the heat would stop things growing, so it was a dance of finding the right light hours/temperature mix. Like onions are either long-day or short-day varieties.

        I can’t stress enough that finding local lore/information is best. Like politics, all gardening is local.

    3. CatCat*

      Are there any vegetables that can successfully grow on a north facing porch in pots? There’s very little direct sunlight (but it’s not dark there, just little by way of direct light). It’s all I’ve got to work with and have just had herbs.

      1. SmallCog*

        You can do what my friends did and use a mirror to turn light into the area : )
        The rule of thumb is about six hours of sunlight per day for veggies – and that is usually direct sunlight. But you can certainly try with crops best designed for cold weather. Think about greens for winter – kale, lettuce, etc. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and a packet of seeds and some soil isn’t a huge investment.

        1. RB*

          I have a deck like that and I have two small cypreses in pots that are doing well after 2-3 years. They get brief sun at the height of summer but most of the time it’s shade. They don’t grow as fast as they would if they got more sun but I don’t want them to grow super fast because then I’d have to re-pot more often. I re-potted them after two years in their small pots into larger pots so I should be good for another two years. You can get light green ones or the more common medium-dark green ones.

        2. RB*

          Oops, I noticed that she was asking about vegetables, not just any shade-loving plant. I don’t know which veggies like shade. There are some herbs that might work but I couldn’t say for sure which ones. Rosemary will grow pretty much anywhere.

  274. Alston*

    Wood worker here! I make all sorts of furniture, but mostly end up making period furniture (18th and 19th century). Ask me about woodworking, upholstery, finishing, and old furniture.

    1. Colette*

      I do some wood working, as well. (I can only do it in the summer, since my workspace is my backyard.)

      My summer plan is to make a big, round, upholstered chair. My plan is to cut two big circles out of plywood, put spacers of some kind between them, then add foam and fabric overtop. I will curve a piece of 1/4 ” plywood for the back probably? I will use a commercial swivel rocker base.

      This is all new to me – my previous experience has been with straight cuts and straight wood. But hey, it’s worth a shot.

      Thoughts? Does this seem plausible? Should the upper of the two wood circles be hollow with strapping instead of a solid piece of wood? What should I be thinking about that I’m missing?

      (To be clear, I recognize that this could very possibly not work – it’s more about the experience than the end result, although I’d love it to turn out well.)

      1. Alston*

        You can definitely make this work!

        Is the back being upholstered as well? And how tall is the back/how were you thinking of attatching it? It might be possible to do the back with webbing as well.

        Unless you are going to put supports very close together I would double up on the plywood.

        For the circles I would actually do two layers of plywood glued together. At least for the top. For the top definitely cut out the middle of the circle and use webbing. It will be a LOT more comfortable. You can do the same for the bottom layer and it will save you some wood. Plywood bends, the double layer of 3/4 plywood will make things a lot less bendable and stronger.

        Also to save wood you don’t have to cut out a whole circle for both layers! Cut one circle (3-4 inches wide should be fine) and use it for the bottom. Next cut out a semi circle or even quarter circles, and then semi circles together on top of the whole circle (whole circle on bottom will be stronger) you can also add some nails/screws when you are gluing.

        Now for the supports in the layers! Whatever you do Do Not just screw through the plywood into the end grain of the supports. The screws won’t hold well. You could use pocket screws. You could also have wood supports and make sure the grain is going horizontal instead of vertical. That way you can use some wood glue and screws to secure the supports because screws won’t go into the end grain.

        Hopefully this all makes sense? If not let me know and hit me with more questions!

        1. Colette*

          That does make sense. Thanks!

          The back will be upholstered as well. Not super tall – maybe 2 feet higher than the top layer? I hadn’t thought of webbing there, but that would be a lot easier. What kind of supports would you recommend for the webbing?

          1. Alston*

            Ok so the 1/4 plywood won’t be strong enough to lean against. I imagine you want the back to be round? They make something called whacky wood. It is plywood that is insanely flexible. I have heard if you glue two sheets of that together (in the shape you want) with the bendy direction going opposite directions in each layer (whacky wood bends better in one orientation) that it will lock in place and be very strong. Have not tried that yet.

            What tools do you have access to? That’ll help me figure out what to suggest.

    2. Admin of Sys*

      Is there a way to get a long diagonal cut other than a tilting table saw or a planer? ( I feel like I should be able to do this with a miter if I can figure out how) I need a piece of wood that’s what would happen if I took a 3″x3″ piece that was 5inches long and split it on the diagonal lengthwise, – so that I end up with two 5inch long triangular prism shapes.

      1. Alston*

        To do that on the miter saw you would have to do a 59° cut. (I figured out the degrees from the triangle dimensions). Most miter saw a won’t do that, but here is a page with instructions on how to get a 60 degree cut from a miter saw using an angle block. I will link in a reply so this isn’t held up in moderation. Be sure to leave your 3×3 block very long (like at least 12″) so you can hold it safely. After you make the cut you can trim it to the correct length with the miter saw.

    3. sleeklydestination*

      I want to get into woodworking! Specifically, I want to start building some of my own furniture.

      Any suggestions for good beginner skills/projects I can start with?

      1. Alston*

        Awesome, it’s a great hobby, fully recommend!

        Do you have any woodworking experience/any tools?

        And what do you want to make? Is there an ultimate thing you want to work toward building? Is there a style of furniture you like?
        Tables can be very easy, beds too (they’re just big, but often pretty easy). Chairs on the other hand can be very hard, and are something to work toward.

        1. sleeklydestination*

          My ultimate goal is a dining room table!

          I don’t have any woodworking experience, but my spouse and father-in-law do, so I have access to all of their tools.

  275. anonimal*

    Does anyone have experience or knowledge about in general, wildlife conservation/rehabilitation, or more specifically, wildlife studies, wildlife tracking (GPS, UHF), other sensors embedded with some of those devices, or anywhere with information about the technology used? I read a lot about conservation and scientific studies, but they seem to only briefly mention the technology used, and I’d like more info on that technology.

  276. TardyTardis*

    Typo Nazi and proofreader. I am forever shrieking at our local paper (in the privacy of my home) for the howlers they commit (granted, given that they use volunteer proofreaders from the local high schools probably has a lot to do with it). I am also good at pointing out plot holes in the fiction manuscripts of friends, and offering different sorts of shovels to deal with them.

    1. BugSwallowersAnonymous*

      It’s great that you’re good at proofreading, and that’s a super useful skill! I would respectfully ask that you not use the word “Nazi” to describe yourself though.

    2. nep*

      I feel an actual physical sensation when I see typos — and especially when I read or hear things like LAYING when LYING is called for. (All you fitness YouTubers or Instagrammers out there — You don’t lay on the mat. It’s lie. LIE.) Or all the unnecessary apostrophes in the world. Uggghhhh.
      It’s good to hear someone else out there is shrieking too.

    1. Catabodua*

      I am very good at finding things online too.

      A funny one – a friend was dealing with a company (major, national) who stopped taking her calls while she was still trying to resolve an issue. They were very good at keeping direct phone numbers off their public website, but I found the names of their corporate officers, went on Linked In, found a many of them, and one or two had contact info on their profile. Gave her the phone numbers of the VP of Marketing and VP of Client Relations. When she called and started pestering them her issue was resolved fairly quickly.

  278. Make an assessment.*

    Things I can help with:
    – advice on leaving the classroom to work for an educational company (harder than it seems!)
    – meal-planning. I know I’m like the 12th expert on the thread, but my specialty is a 5-week rotation that maximizes freezer meals for easy and quick worknight meals. So in our world, we would eat (say) spaghetti and meatballs 10 times a year, but I would probably only need to cook it twice.

    Call for expertise:
    – NUTRITIONISTS. Please help. I am nearly 40 and have, I fear, wrecked my body/metabolism with years of fad and yo-yo diets. I have been trying for a year to get back on track by eating whole foods, limiting sugar, etc., but I feel like I’m still missing something, and I’m definitely not losing any weight!

    1. animaniactoo*

      Couple of quick questions (not a nutritionist, but I know enough to ask these):

      1) Have you been to the doctor for a general health checkup and thyroid function in particular?
      2) You say you’re not losing any weight, but have you stopped *gaining* any weight?
      3) How much exercise do you get in general for an average week? It’s possible to eat clean, but still exceed the amount of caloric intake that you need for the amount of exercise you’re getting to burn some amount of those.

      All that said – it’s a very slow process sometimes. Someone I know recently mentioned that she’d plateau’d for about 9 months, but because she wasn’t gaining any weight she just kept at what she was doing (since it was about the right calorie/exercise balance) and then started losing again without having made any additional changes. Admittedly, that’s anecdotal, not anecdata, but on average the amount of time it takes our metabolisms to readjust to new normals far exceeds our expectations of how long it “should” take.

      1. Make an assessment.*

        Thank you for replying! I think the readjustment period is what’s throwing me for a loop. I want my body to feel good. I have had thyroid checked repeatedly, and my TSH levels have been steadily decreasing but my PCP doesn’t worry about it. I run about 10 miles a week but that’s my only exercise. And yes, I have stopped gaining at least! For years, I haven’t really eaten breakfast or lunch, so when I started eating both, I packed on a LOT of poundage quickly, but I was slightly overweight to start with, so that’s really startled me. I guess my body got used to functioning in some kind of starvation sleep mode, so it’s just hanging onto anything I feed it for dear life. I want to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it’s farther away than I’d like.

        1. animaniactoo*

          I would make 2 suggestions from where you’re at –

          1) Patience: if you’ve stopped gaining, that’s a good sign that you’re going in the right direction and will eventually see better results. Yes to the theory of starvation mode response, that’s very much how it operates. So consistency in what you’re doing now is very very important to pulling out of that longterm.

          2) Add in about 15 to 20 minutes worth of walking alternating with stretching for 5 to 6 days of the week. There’s 2 purposes to this – one you want to slightly increase your exercise level so that you’re burning just a few more calories, and stretching has an odd but very effective mind-body synergy that helps a feeling of being more active and therefore acting more active. It helps put you back “in touch” with your body, helps your body “reconnect” with all the different pieces of it, and what it’s feeling and can do and needs in a way that almost nothing else does. Part of it may be circulatory (when you stretch, you’re doing some pathway opening stuff there), but I don’t know enough about that end of it to say – just that what matters is not as much which stretching routine you subscribe to, as that you are getting some stretching in there.

          1. Make an assessment.*

            I love both these suggestions – thank you. Hopefully I’ll be able to report back positive progress in an open thread sometime.

            1. PartyPooper*

              May I suggest looking up a eating plan/lifestyle change called TRIM HEALTHY MAMA? You sound like you’re off to a good start, but they may have the additional info/approach you need. I’ve been following it for 6 months and lost 20-25 lbs (and I’ve ALWAYS had problems losing weight), some woman have seem much greater amounts of weight in that time frame though. And people report other non-weight successes with regard to other health conditions.

              1. Make an assessment.*

                Thanks for this – I requested a library transfer and will check it out in a few days. I did a cursory google and found the concept of separating fuel sources pretty interesting, aaaaand totally counter to what I’ve been doing. :)

    2. Anonymous Poster*

      How did you transition away from a teacher in a classroom to another company? I’m looking for information on how you found the opportunity, sold you experience as unique enough that they’d take another look, and translate those skills.

      My wife is interested in transitioning out of the classroom and this would be something she would be more interested in doing. She hopes it would be a bit more fulfilling, as she’s grown a bit tired of how the oversight of her position is. She’s worked in a lot of private schools, so there’s the added pressure of pleasing students’ parents to maintain tuition levels and enrollment. Are there particular companies/organizations that are interested in past teachers?

      1. Make an assessment.*

        I get it. I taught exclusively private parochial before I left, and the parents were the most draining part of the job! Here’s how I approached the transition:

        – When I first decided I wanted to leave the classroom, I set up Google alerts for any iteration of “educational technology,” “ed tech,” “start up,” etc. I could think of, and used those daily blasts to figure out which companies were moving around in the space. I identified a company I thought I ought to be able to get on with, because I had a deep background in the content area that their product supported. That worked, and I started there in 2010. It was a start-up, and really hard, but I was much younger and better rested then, so I was able to log the kind of hours I needed to log to move up. Because it was a start-up there was tons of churn and I made sure to keep track of where everyone was landing. So when the time came for me to leave that company, I reached out to everyone I’d kept in touch with and networked aggressively.

        – That put me in touch with a former employee who didn’t really know me but was an SVP at his new company, and he was willing to walk my resume in just because we’d fought in the same trenches at our old company, you know? My first position was a really bad fit, but I worked very hard at it while constantly sussing out what else was going on in our other divisions. I figured out the woman I wanted to work for, and basically pestered her into bringing me over to her team.

        I’m a big believer that once she lands somewhere that isn’t the classroom, she will be stellar, because teachers always are. I remember telling someone in an interview that, as teachers, we are expected to make approximately 2,500 decisions a day (I borrowed that little tidbit from my hero Michael Gurian) so of course I could handle making 5 or 6 a week :) So I would start tracking start ups (Twitter is a huge resource for that that I wish I’d made better use of the first time around) and watching sites like PowerToFly or EdSurge for remote positions.

        Generally:
        – Teachers can very easily become educational consultants for any number of product companies. Did she use McGraw resources in the classroom? Start with McGraw. The salaries for ECs tend to float around $75K, give or take a few K.
        – If she has a masters, a specialized certification, etc., that makes a HUGE difference. I had neither so I had to fight harder to get toeholds than some other colleagues who had one or both.
        – It’s rarer to find former teachers in (for instance) product owner or project management roles, and that’s where a former teacher can really prove value and make a difference. Just something as simple as saying “I’m not sure that feature is actually solving the right problem. As a teacher, I would……” moves mountains. So that is the type of work I would specifically suggest your wife look at, but I’ll add some more general points at the very end.
        – Overall I had to go through 8 roles in two different companies over a span of 6 years to figure out where I could make some real impact, but I’ve just about quintupled my teaching salary so it’s been worth it for my family (and is much smoother now than the first year or two). We won’t talk about what a depressing commentary on education THAT figure is.

        Very best of luck to her!!

      1. Make an assessment.*

        It’s great!! I cook six nights a week, so I made a master list of about 35 recipes my family enjoys, are healthy, and don’t take too long (that way, I have some options if I feel sick of something). Then I regrouped that list thematically to try to match up ingredients and seasons, so I’m not trying to find out-of-season product that blows my budget. THEN I took all the recipes, scaled them so that each would feed us 4 times (so in my family of 2 adults and a toddler, that’s something that serves 10, usually), grouped them into weeks, made a master grocery list for each week, and put it all in a binder. So now, here’s how it shakes out:

        Week 1: cook 6 times, freeze 24 meals (4 per night) per week
        Week 2: cook 6 new recipes, freeze 24 meals
        Week 3, 4, 5: repeat as above

        So now, you’re in week 6, you’ve cooked 30 times, but you have also loaded your freezer up with 120 dinners! Do that a couple times and you’re set :) By switching to this setup, I dropped my (admittedly careless) grocery budget from about $270 a week down to $120. The two adults eat all 3 meals at home, and the toddler eats 2 plus a million snacks, so I feel good about it.

        I do have a deep freezer now, but when I started this, I flat-froze everything in ziplocs and then stood them up like dominos in my regular freezer.

        1. Make an assessment.*

          Should have said 4 *additional times* when planning – so a full cook for me yields 5 meals: one that night, four in the freezer.

          1. Christy*

            Ok this is impressive.

            So you are in Week 6 and you have 120 frozen dinners (30 different recipes to choose from). Then do you just work your way through all the freezer meals until you are all out, and then do it again in about 4 months when you run out?

            I am fascinated by freezer clubs (my sis in law does one – amazing), but I have a ton of allergies that aren’t friendly to that. This seems like a feasible option for me.

            1. Make an assessment.*

              Yep! That’s exactly it. I try to stick to the same week groupings I designed up front, just for inventory purposes, but I don’t mind swapping out different preparations of the same protein if it sounds more appealing. I also have a few food allergies that make me skeptical of freezer clubs, Blue Apron, etc., and my son has some dietary issues, so this allows us to do EXACTLY what works for us.

              Basically, once I decided that I could freeze almost anything for 3 months without meaningful degradation, I was off and running. There may be meals where I freeze several components separately (gumbo in one, rice in another, cornbread in a third, e.g.) and then pack the components in a gallon bag, but even those meals can be reassembled and reheated quickly.

          1. Make an assessment.*

            Realistically, if you already have at least somewhat of a stable of things you cook, you can plan a full rotation with master lists in six hours max. Start with a 3 week rotation until you get used to the system; that’s just enough time to be interested in that first meal again, you know? Minimal fatigue. I did a 3 week system for a full year before deciding I had enough “greatest hits” to expand.

  279. Anonymous Poster*

    Former space operations engineer here who worked or supported a control floor for almost a decade, including a former flight controller for the International Space Station. I’m not sure if people need that particular skill, but we were always concerned with operational uptime, like almost any other operations floor.

    Working now in the project management side of things.

    1. einahpets*

      I was very randomly looking at an article about adult space camp the other day, and it made me fondly remember a space camp day I did way back in middle school. And it got me wondering how people even get into that career space.

      How did you get involved in the industry? Do people enter it pretty early on through college / post bacc or post graduate work? Are there any ways for nerdy folk like myself to dream up a career change mid-career into space?

      1. Anonymous Poster*

        I got into the space field straight out of college. Unfortunately, it’s a field that you either spend your entire career in, or really struggle to break in to, if you can at all. Most people enter straight from college (Either undergrad or graduate level), though if folks only have a bachelors there’s a high likelihood they’ll get a masters at some point. It’s expected that eventually that will happen.

        The space industry is actually shrinking, as a large part of the jobs are working the government side of things. Some companies that have tried to sttay purely private, like Orbital, really struggle. There’s some excitement with the microsat field, but well, remember they still have to pay the bills. So while I don’t offer financial advice, some satellite internet companies’ business model revolves around selling internet connectivity to regions of the globe where internet cable isn’t being laid. Like the Asian Steppe and Sub-Saharan/Interior Africa. Do you really think that those folks will want to pay for internet connectivity? Keeping in mind price ranges for DSL speeds/uncapped internet usage in the capitol of Papua New Guinea is 1-1.5k/month?

        Government has been demanding cutbacks, and with NASA’s relatively listless leadership for the past few decades, the prospects are a bit bleak right now. There’s no vision for where to take NASA because it’s more a political football than an inspiration, but to be sure there’s still a lot of cool stuff that gets done.

        If you want to break into the industry mid career, really think about what puts you head and shoulders above other candidates, and since there isn’t a lot of money to be made in space, are you willing to work long hours for below-average pay? If you want to make decent money you need to get into the government side of things, which is much more difficult unless you have military experience and a clearance.

        I don’t want to shatter your dream! It will be very difficult though. I’m not sure how possible it is, or honestly if it’s something you want to do.

  280. ScoutFinch*

    Excel question – I have my budget on Excel (2013 maybe?). 1 sheet per moth – 1 workbook per year.

    When I copy one sheet so I can start my new month, all the formatting follows to the new sheet EXCEPT the sorting. I sort on 4 columns, so it’s not a huge issue. But I would love not to have to fix the sort each time. TIA.

    BTW – I LOVE this topic, Alison. I can see myself coming back to this post for years in the future, just to confirm/learn things on a bunch of topics!

    1. einahpets*

      Have you tried copying over the whole sheet by right clicking on the tab name and selecting Move/Copy and making a copy that way?

      1. RB*

        This is how I copy a sheet and I’ve never had your problem, so maybe if you haven’t tried this it will work for you.

    2. SoCalHR*

      Do you copy the data then paste into a blank spreadsheet, or do you just duplicate the whole tab?

    3. ScoutFinch*

      I duplicate the whole tab. I think I will try the suggestions to open a new blank sheet, then copy all of the old sheet over to the new blank sheet.

      Thank you all for responding.

  281. Piano*

    I’ve been a piano teacher/piano student/music school student. If anyone has questions about that, here I am!

  282. Sarah in Boston*

    I do acoustic modeling for a consumer electronics company. I can answer questions on headsets/speakers/home theater, some architectural acoustics, NX CAD, and finite element modeling.

  283. Survey design, research*

    I am really good at designing and analyzing surveys – from research (I have a PhD in social psychology) to marketing to organizational assessments (my current job now).

    1. Jubilance*

      So I have a strong data background but no specific survey design experience – are there any resources you recommend? I’ve been asked to help with a reader survey for a blog and I want to make sure they get data they can use as they market, sell ad space, etc.

      2. Survey design, research (Mada)*

        Hm… I don’t think I can post links in the comments. Try University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Survey Fundamentals. It’s a good short guide that may be sufficient for your purposes. If you are looking for something more in depth, Pew Research Center has a nice overview of rigorous questionnaire design and Harvard’s Program on Survey Research has good resources.

  284. Curious*

    Any advice on taking the GMAT or applying to MBA programs? I went to a mid-level public school for undergrad so have never taken a test prep course before (currently taking a GMAT one) or done an interview process that involves interviews/letters of rec/schmoozing. I’m compensating for a low GPA in undergrad as well. Thanks!!

    1. Anonymous Poster*

      Work experience will negate a bad GPA. Depending how many years of experience you have, it will matter less and less.

      My MBA program only required the GRE, which is a different animal. Best advice I have is to take lots of practice tests so you know exactly what to expect, and where your weak areas may be. Princeton Review books tend to be okay in preparing for these sorts of standardized tests, though if you find another one that more in your price range that will help too.

      The letters and whatnot sound better from a boss than a professor, if you can get a supervisor to write one for you. Treat the interview like a job interview. Be personable and nice throughout.

      Depending on the tier of the program you’re attending you should otherwise be fine. It’ll really depend on that to know more about what other prep should be done.

      1. Curious*

        Thank you! Do you think a senior colleague who isn’t my boss would be ok? My boss tends to sideline people he knows are looking to leave for any reason….

        My top choice program is usually ranked between 15 and 20 nationally…but considering my undergrad GPA is a 2.6 it’s still a stretch. I’ll be applying to a few ranked in the tier below as well.

        1. Anonymous Poster*

          Your GPA will hurt you, and I don’t see a way around that except through work experience and references that speak highly of you. Good test scores will help also. But I don’t work admissions so it’s really hard to say. Why would your boss think you’re on your way out when you start a program, though? Would you be quitting and going full time?

          As far as programs go, I highly recommend in person. Online is great for some degrees, but an MBA generally is built around a lot of back and forth interaction on the fly that an online forum really struggles to recreate. To be sure, there are some classes where people go glassy-eyed and just want to leave for the night, but I don’t know how your strategy, negotiation, or organizational behavior classes will function very effectively without the in person interaction.

          The other dirty secret is once you’re not talking about top 5 schools, the school itself generally doesn’t really matter unless it’s a for-profit or really terrible program. There’s a large mass of schools in the middle that are all fine. I’m in the DC area which has many programs available, and went with the cheaper option simply because I couldn’t quit my job and go (which some very high tier programs require), and the programs I could attend in person at night were all ranked 10 or below. At that point, it didn’t really matter where I went, because they were all accredited and at known institutions. Now, it won’t land me a job as a management consultant, but that’s not really what I was going for. I don’t mean to be harsh, but given your undergrad performance, I have suspect that’s something that may not be achievable right now for you, either. But that’s fine!

          My best advice is before starting all of this, be very clear on what you’re going to do with it. People don’t line up to offer you jobs upon graduation. It’s a lot of time and cash to be dropping on something that you only have vague plans on using.

  285. Daria from Cleveland*

    Time management help, please! Anyone with expertise in kicking procrastination to the curb, sticking to a routine, and motivation for setting and keeping deadlines?

    1. Weyrwoman*

      Hello! Yes! I’m ADHD and a chronic procrastination guru. I like post-it notes. I leave them in unavoidable places like eye-level on the bathroom door or mirror. That’s pretty good for reminders and keeping deadlines.

      If you find that a single post-it isn’t cutting it, start putting them everywhere. On the fridge, on the computer screen right in the middle so you have to read it and move it in order to function, on your phone screen so that it has to be removed in order to turn off an alarm…

      Basically, make it hard to avoid being aware of the deadlines.

      I find that setting smaller deadlines can also help. For instance, instead of having The Whole Project due in 5 months, find the sub-parts of the project and set deadlines for those too. So a college paper can be divided into Outline, Rough Draft, Second Draft, Final Draft. Set those at equal intervals, and try getting a friend or colleague to badger you when the deadline is getting close.

      I suck at keeping a routine though. >.>

      1. Gayle Davidson-Durst*

        The Pomodoro method is dynamite for procrastination. Basically the hard thing is STARTING an activity. I will con myself into starting something odious by pledging to do as little as 2 minutes of it, then stopping and doing something fun. Usually I just keep going till the job is finished because it was about .0000001% as horrible as I anticipated.

        If something is still hard to keep going on, I’ll switch off – 20 minutes on, 10 minutes off, until it’s done.

        The other magic thing is realizing that not having a clear next action creates tons of procrastination. “Set up water damage repair” is hard to face, but “print contractor’s email,” “review estimates with spouse,” “choose repair plan,” and “answer contractor’s email” are each very reasonable and doable things that don’t seem particularly scary. Especially when you schedule them for different days.

        1. Seeking GTD*

          “90% of any job is starting it.”
          Agreed – love the pomodoro method.
          I’ve also been working hard on implementing Getting Things Done (GTD) for awhile (see my question way down below). I believe in it, but it’s painful to implement.
          Also – google “Bullet Journal” and watch the explanatory video. It’s super easy to implement right away.

  286. Weyrwoman*

    Maybe it’s too late in the day for a new post, but I’ll bite anyways.

    I’m really good at:
    * Explaining why anime/comic/sci-fi convention staff are mad at you/yelling/seem pissed off
    * Cosplay! Been doing it for almost 12 years.
    * Picking a non-standard font that still looks good and is readable (I’m a font snob/collector) ((Yes I’m judging you if you use Papyrus, Comic Sans, or Jokerman))
    * Makeup that’s waterproof to the point that you can go swimming for a few hours and it won’t come off

    I can probably also answer cybersecurity type questions, and I’m halfway decent at saying not-nice things to customers in a way that won’t offend them (like firing them).

    1. Sal*

      Is there any waterproof (…or even smudge-proof) mascara that is not a b*tch to take off? I would love to wear mascara more often but I DESPISE taking it off. And I always feel like I am taking too many eyelashes with it…

      1. Weyrwoman*

        I… actually don’t use mascara. But my professional mermaid friend swears by all the Urban Decay waterproof stuff, including their mascara. Usually comes off with standard makeup remover.

      2. blonde AF*

        You could try a tubing mascara – it’s easy to take off (warm water and wiping with a washcloth) without taking eyelashes with it. I wore it for my wedding as a reference for how waterproof it is (I’m a crier).

        1. Sal*

          Wow I have never heard of this stuff, sounds crazy! Stopping by Sephora on my way home to try some out. Thanks!

      3. Witty Nickname*

        What I’ve found is it’s less the mascara, and more what I use to take it off that makes a difference. (I love M.A.C. False Lash waterproof mascara though – I have a bad habit of constantly rubbing my eyes, plus eyes that water a lot, both due to allergies. And I tear up pretty easily, so waterproof is necessary. That mascara does not budge for me).

        Anyway, I use a homemade face wash that is a blend of coconut oil (I like coconut because it makes a creamy consistency), glycerin, and baby shampoo (I usually do a jar of coconut oil, about 1/4 c. glycerin, and a couple tsp of the baby shampoo – throw it all in the blender and blend until smooth). I put it in a pump bottle (and any extra in a jar in the fridge – I just reblend when I need to refill the pump bottle), and one pump will take all my make up, including mascara, off very quickly. I rub at my lashes a lot less than if I am trying to use eye makeup remover.

      1. Anon Marketer*

        Have you tried Dermacol? I break out at the drop of the hat, and this is the ONLY thing that my skin doesn’t react to. Waterproof and lasts a while. I use it for my cosplay shoots.

      2. Weyrwoman*

        I’ve had really good luck with the Urban Decay All-Nighter foundation. It’s liquid, but it’s really light. Delightfully waterproof, but easily removed with make-up removing wipes like Neutrogena.

      3. RB*

        I don’t break out easily but I used Estee Lauder Maximum Cover for many years and the coverage and lasting-power are amazing. I stopped using it because it only came in about six colors but they’ve added new shades since then so I’m going to start using it again. For days that I don’t want heavy coverage, I just mix it with my moisturizer first.

    3. einahpets*

      What are the most common reasons why con staff get mad?

      And how does someone newish get involved in a local con? I tried going to a few local ones a few years ago and it was honestly way more cliqueish than I thought it’d be (people mostly preoccupied with catching up with friends from 5-10 years ago than meeting/greeting new people). Introvert me put in the good effort then to show up, but afterwards I haven’t worked up the energy/courage to try again.

      1. Weyrwoman*

        Oh man con staff getting mad. So, for reference, I’ve been a security/public safety staffer for 5+ years. #1 reason why I get peeved at attendees is when I get pushback on weapons/prop policies. They exist for a reason, the more specific ones exist because someone unscrupulous ruined it for everyone, and if people would just *read* the freaking policy before building their prop or bringing their weapon, we wouldn’t need to be having this conversation. (Especially for one of my cons that’s like 20min outside D.C. Just. Argh.)

        Other reasons for peeved con staff include: stopping in tight hallways to take pictures of cosplay, thereby clogging the hall for literally everyone (looking at you, DragonCon). I’ve also been known to get testy when people complain about line wranglers/wait times for panels/full panels. It may be the first time that particular attendee is complaining that day, but when you’ve already heard the complaint 10+ times that day, it gets old real fast.

        Getting involved in local cons can indeed be tricky. Really small ones (<1000 attendees, or even <3000), are often run by a group of friends at the top. Medium ones in the 8-15k range tend to be better, and you can usually find a Volunteering department that can get your foot in the door. Alternatively, if you are customer service-y and good at line wrangling, find someone posted at a panel door or doing the line wrangle, and ask if they need/want help. If they don't, ask where you can go to be labelled an Official Helper or somesuch. If you want to get this kind of thing settled before even getting to con, find a contact email for the con and work your way through to the right person.

        If you're in range of DragonCon, and you don't mind potentially being yelled at, drop by the Security room and ask about volunteering with us :P

    4. Sci Fi IT Girl*

      Fellow DragonCon person here – got a font question. What are your favorite non-standard fonts for ppt? I am both in IT and medical so do a lot of presentations (with probably too many sci-fi fi memes). Arial is boring.

      See ya in Atlanta Goldrider! (And I love con security – you have helped me out many times.)

      1. Weyrwoman*

        ~waves~
        Font wise, especially if you prefer Sans Serif (which is easier to read anyway), I’m fond of Trebuchet MS, Tahoma, and Verdana. Tahoma is especially good for pretending to be Arial. Trebuchet has some really nice rounding, which I like from a visual standpoint. And Verdana is just nice to look at. :)

        If you want fun-but-readable fonts, I think Adobe CS has a bunch, and there’s always dafont.com for your niche and truly unique ones.

  287. Library Land*

    Professional areas center around libraries: digitization of cultural heritage items/creating accessible PDFs from digitized items; writing instructional manuals; training a cadre of undergrads to do really boring menial tasks for a decent pay check.

    Research areas: ways that public libraries can support communities during a time of crisis; youth services in relation to a time of crisis (I could talk forever about this); children during a time of crisis.

    Random life stuff: I’m just about to head off to get my latest tattoo; my cats are a-holes and I love them for it; how to deal with a tiny dog that is stubborn and refuses to listen to me (spoiler: treats).

    1. Daria from Cleveland*

      Tiny dog question: How to deal with a pup that gets pouncey and wants to play at the wrong time? Our pup goes into pouncey mode and will nip at ankles. Sometimes I’ll toss a toy or the rope but if the nipping really hurts will place him in timeout.

      1. Library Land*

        Well, I mean tiny dog in terms of she’s a full grown adult dog that is tiny, but having to take her to several classes I’d guess that the answer is in setting a schedule of play – same time each day – and play hard. Tire him out! If he’s trying to play again, try different toys for him to play with (if he’s not digging the rope, etc.) and if you’re not training him – do that. He might be intellectually bored or just bored of play, training gives him a puzzle to solve.

        For our dog rewarding the good behavior is the only thing that works. She just gets upsets and pees if we try to discipline her. She knows she’s done wrong and in egregious behavior we’ve made her lay down in the bed until we say so but mostly that just doesn’t work for her. Treating when she does the right thing works. I know it’s a bribe really, but if it makes her come when called then it’s worth it. Hope that helps!!

    2. Tabby Baltimore*

      What, for you, is the hardest thing about writing instructional manuals for the general public? And what guidelines would you suggest for the rest of us to always keep in mind, when writing instructional manuals? Any rules of thumb, or conventional wisdom you’d like to pass on? Thanks.

      1. Library Land*

        Yes! I’m so glad you asked because I’m oddly passionate about fabulous instruction manuals. First rule of thumb, don’t assume the audience will know how to do anything – ESPECIALLY if you’re creating for the general public. For instance, if step 7 is save the document, you should really list every step within that. So it might look like:
        7. Save the document in desired location
        a. Go to File – Save As
        b. In the address bar, navigate to the desired location
        1. Example: \My Document\Temp\
        c. In the name bar, enter the correct file name
        d. In the file extension bar, chose the correct file extension
        e. Click on “Save”
        f. If a box pops up that says “Are you sure you want to save over…………………………

        If you can, use screen shots. Because some people need to see it, instead of read it. And a person who is very tech savvy will see that step 7 is save the document and will be able to figure it out with out the directions. But by having the extra steps people can choose their own adventure so to say – it’s easier skip over what you don’t need versus being confused because you don’t understand what’s not there. Does that make sense?

        Also, writing instruction manuals is a skill unto itself. Just because you can do something really well, doesn’t mean you can write how to do it – just like it doesn’t mean you can train someone to do it or manage a group that employ these skills. It’s time consuming and frustrating but if you get through it you’ll have a really fabulous document.

        My last advice is that after you a great draft, ask someone who has never done the process to try it by following your document. That will really tell if you’re missing something! And you probably will be and you’ll probably feel pretty silly about it but it’s really normal. :) Hope that helps and let me know if you have any more questions or need clarification!

  288. Kiwi*

    I’m a New Zealander. Got any questions about NZ? Ask away.

    I’m most knowledgeable about the outdoors and the festival scene, but I’ve probably got an opinion about everything.

    1. anon..*

      Hi, Kiwi!

      Fiance and I are thinking of honeymoon destinations, and NZ keeps getting tossed around. We’d likely take our honeymoon in December so that we could have a full 16 days off. We love doing a bit of everything (hiking/adventure, museums/cultural stuff, food/city exploration, beach/relaxing).

      So NZ: good idea, bad idea? Would 16 days be enough (coming from the east coast of the US)? Recommendations of things to do, places to go, food to eat?

      1. Kiwi*

        Hi anon

        It’ll be a long flight here, but you can see a fair bit of NZ in a fortnight. December’s a great time to come because it’s mid summer. It’s a little less busy than January but the main tourist zones will be pretty crowded. I’d avoid Queenstown at that time of the year, it’ll be insanely crowded, but everywhere else should be ok.

        If you can, hire a car. It’ll speed you up a lot and increase your options a lot too.

        Some of my favourite places:

        * the Nelson area, the Abel Tasman and Golden Bay. Gorgeous beaches, seals, fantastic walks, and a quirky art scene. Seriously some of the best scenery in the world (and I say that as someone who’s been to about 25 countries). If you want to overnight on the Abel Tasman Coastal Track, book it months before you come.

        * Doubtful Sound. You can do a day or an overnight boat trip. More of the best scenery in the world, plus you may get to visit a huge underground hydro power station. Much less crowded than Milford Sound and just as beautiful. More expensive though.

        * Various bits of the West Coast of the South Island, especially Punakaiki, Charleston and Denniston Plateau. More scenery, rugged beaches, plus coal mining history. And you can take guided trips through caves.

        * Lewis Pass. Bush walks, plus the Maruia Springs hot pools.

        * Northland, especially Bay of Islands. Yet more scenery, beaches, plus Maori and colonial history. We took a boat trip on a sailing boat and spent a couple of hours watching orcas swim right by the boat. They were amazing.

        * Christchurch. If you want to see what a city looks like that’s (still!) recovering from a horribly-destructive earthquake, Christchurch is worth a visit. Plus if you drop me some contact details, we could give you a bed for the night and show you around.

        Every single place that’s got a reputation as a tourist destination is well worth visiting, so there’s a lot of places you could could check out other than that bunch.

        Have a great trip – wherever you end up going!

      2. NZ Muse*

        And for museums/cultural stuff – Wellington, our capital!

        My buddy The Luxe Strategist (google and you’ll find her blog) was recently in NZ for a couple of weeks this past summer (early Dec I think), and blogged about it – you might find her post helpful.

  289. Staja*

    I’m pretty knowledgeable about distributor pricing practices…I spent some years pricing for a janitorial/food service distributor, including RFQs, quotes, rebates, etc. I can also answer lots of questions about toilet paper and hot cups!

    I now price used cars.

    Happy to answer questions on either!

  290. Karen the Librarian*

    I’m a children’s librarian and my passion is picture books and storytimes, although I’m happy to talk about all things library!

    1. Yolo*

      Will your library be acquiring any Marlon Bundo books? How have they been received/perceived by your colleagues? Irrelevant, obnoxious, charming, etc?

      1. Sparkly Librarian*

        One of my branch’s Friends offered to buy us one of the John Oliver Marlon Bundo books, and I turned him down because 1) I have a tiny branch and very little space for new materials (so I weed and replace as I carefully buy new stuff) and 2) I just don’t think it’s a very good children’s book. It’s a parody written for adults, based on a not-very-good children’s book. Too wordy, too pointed, too washed out. My branch collection development plan for picturebooks focuses on award-winners with human characters of color that are good for reading aloud. Something has to be REALLY good to pull that focus.

  291. Girl Alex PR*

    I’m a social media manager for a government organization with an online following of over 12 million users. I’d be happy to share my knowledge in search engine optimization, analytics and metrics, and social media marketing.

    1. The Curator*

      Oh, Girl Alex PR.
      I would love to know how to get our digital assets for our archive out to a wider audience. Is there a first you do this, and then you do that checklist?
      A site like AAM that people discuss this sort of thing?

  292. Third Culture Kid*

    I have moved across countries/places all my life – so packing and moving around cities and across countries are now some things that I am good at. :)

    I also have a strong understanding of East and South Asia businesses/norms, learning languages (I speak 5 languages but mostly Chinese/English/Urdu/French) and scouting good food. I also got bargaining skills (mostly Chinese/Pakistani style though) :)

    1. fort hiss*

      I’m about to move back to the states from Japan after five years! What kind of advice would you give on adjusting to returning home after so long away? What do you think the biggest challenge will be? I’m trying to pack up NOW since I’m panicking a bit about all the stuff I own.

  293. Anon Marketer*

    I’m a graphic/visual designer in tech with specialties in PPT & Word design, Adobe Creative Suite, and Sketch. I do both print and digital. Happy to share some knowledge. :)

    1. Tabby Baltimore*

      What’s the best PowerPoint user guide you’ve ever read? (Either online, or a book.) Thanks very much.

      1. Anon Marketer*

        Not exactly a PPT book, but Presentation Zen is probably the gold standard out there. A lot of PPTs suffer from too much text, un-engaging content, etc. It’s important to remember that PPT is a presentation tool, and should aid your presentation and not run it for you.

        I learned PPT design through a lot of trial and error on my own because my company requires me to do a lot of them (and this is how I recommend other people learn), but Dartmouth Library’s guide is pretty good. I always recommend people read up on how master templates work too.

  294. Gear Prudence (not the original)*

    Ask me about — Bicycles, bicycle history, city riding, cycling to work while female, cycling where there is no cycling infrastructure.

    And kombucha.

  295. CorgiLover*

    I imagine this will be buried but I am good at graduate school and all that it involves! I am a psychologist and have a M.Ed. and a Ph.D., have served on dissertation committees, and been an advisor/supervisor and professor to interns and grad students. I know my field the best (Counseling Psych) but happy to answer any general questions about the application process, dissertation prep, etc.

    Super excited to read through the thread, so many new things to learn!

    1. Grad Student*

      Hi can you help me I am terrible at graduate school and all that it involves! I am an Nth year PhD student (where you have to start submitting petitions to stay beyond N years) in the hard sciences attempting to finish up the bare minimum of questionable-quality research to write a dissertation to submit this summer…but due to intermittently severe anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, this week I have burst into tears each time I’ve been about to meet with someone where I might have to talk about my research, and I have straight-up skipped three meetings. One was with my advisor, whom I have seen in passing since and we merely greeted each other and did not speak. Is there any perspective from the other side (the finished-grad-school side but also the advisor-of-grad-students side) you can offer that might help me out of this paralyzing rut?

      1. CorgiLover*

        Hi Grad Student! I am guessing you are at the dissertation proposal stage? I completely understand where you are coming from, particularly on being paralyzed by indecision and anxiety. I think the most helpful advice for you is that you can’t let perfection be the enemy of completion. I have seen students fall into this trap many times. When you are in dissertation brain zone, the world seems to begin and end with your dissertation but honestly, it really doesn’t. It is highly unlikely that your dissertation will be the best piece of research you ever do and what helps some students is viewing it as another assignment. Yes, it’s a long, LOOOONG, assignment but its purpose is to show your committee that you are a competent researcher and can contribute to your field. If you are at the stage where you are done with coursework then you have done many assignments so you can do this! Break it into manageable pieces. First, have you found a topic?

        1. Grad Student*

          Thank you so much for your reply! This comment is so late you may not see it, but the idea of the viewing the dissertation as another assignment feels like it could be super helpful for me. Letting perfect be the enemy of the good is also something I definitely struggle with, hah. I actually found a topic long ago and am supposed to be in the finishing-up stages now (6.5 years in…) and I more or less know what I need to do but there’s still plenty of uncertainty every step of the way. (I haven’t started writing the actual dissertation document yet, but that’s normal in my field until you’re in the last two months or so).

    2. AMT*

      Is there any point to getting a psych Ph.D. if I’m already making a decent salary (in the 70s with 4 years of experience) as an M.S.W.? I’m not interested in tenure-track teaching or research, though I’ve enjoyed being in the fringes of academia (adjuncting, writing a professional book, presenting at conferences). Part of me feels like I’m missing out on something by not taking my education further, but I also feel like I’d be giving up a big chunk of my life for not much more pay or prestige. Are there aspects of this I haven’t considered?

      1. CorgiLover*

        You will hear many perspectives on this depending who you ask but in my mind, no. A Ph.D. is useful if you are interested in teaching and/or research, otherwise it’s a time consuming way to be called doctor. If you are enjoying adjunct teaching/conferences/writing then continue to enjoy those!
        One reason I could see for you is if you are interested in being licensed as a psychologist. Assuming you’re in the USA, you would need an APA approved Ph.D. program, a year of post-doctoral training, and would need to pass some licensing exams. Also, are you interested in administration? A lot of director positions require doctoral level practitioners. Your salary seems great, but you definitely could make more with a Ph.D., if you’re in private practice you could charge more and insurance companies tend to reimburse more for doctoral level. Hope this helps and let me know if you have any more questions!

        1. AMT*

          Thanks for your perspective! That’s pretty much in line with what I thought. I hadn’t considered private practice rates, though — I’m definitely interested in private practice in the future, so I’ll have to factor that into my decision.

  296. The Curator*

    I am a children’s and YA librarian who is presently the curator of a collection of rare books, manuscripts, and art.
    I know about creating curriculum across the disciplines, children’s book publishing, children’s and YA literature.
    I know how to speak to large and small groups.

  297. Elizabeth*

    I am a Data warehouse/ETL developer. My education is in Computer Science, but my work experience is mostly in data/database, ETL, and some scripting (perl, python).
    I’d love to find work where I can do more software or web development, and use more of my programming skills.
    Even though I’ve excelled in my data warehouse career for ~10 years, how can I shift over to software development? It doesn’t feel right to start as an entry-level coder, plus I’m not sure if I can afford to. Are there jobs that require a strong data background, and would be less strict when it comes to my coding experience?

    1. ThursdaysGeek*

      The company I work for has tried to hire a DW developer, and we’re finally just figuring it out ourselves. If you’re willing to work in a place like North Dakota or Idaho, and you can pass a drug test (including no pot), I know that we are sometimes hiring, and big enough that people can move around and try different things. Google MDU and keep an eye on open jobs.

    2. Tabby Baltimore*

      Is a data warehouse manager another name for a data manager? If so, what do you do as a data warehouse employee, if you don’t mind answering that? Thanks.

  298. Jack's Person*

    My superpower is weekly menu planning (including inventorying, making the best use of available ingredients, researching new foods/techniques/cuisine), budgeting and provisioning. I’d love to do this for a living, but don’t know if such a thing exists!

    1. Parenthetically*

      I’m teaching a class on meal/menu planning on Saturday and apparently there are a lot of people who are willing to pay for a service like this!

    2. RB*

      Me too, I posted below. I’m not great with soups and stews so I use quiche and enchilada casserole and chili as platforms to use up leftover veggies and meats and cheeses. I do something big on the weekend that will provide lunches for an entire week. I calculated that my enchilada casserole is about $1.00 per serving, depending on whether I include a meat/poultry component.

    3. Seeking GTD*

      You should look on Craislist. I know I’ve been toying with the idea of hiring someone to make me, say, 10 ready to eat meals per week, for me to reheat through-out the week. If you could find a few people to do that for, you could probably realize some economies of scale.

  299. TotesMaGoats*

    All things US higher education system (both getting into as a student or employee and surviving/affording it) and vacation planning. If you want a vacation planned to the nth degree, I’m your girl. If you want to sit on the beach all day, you don’t need me. Although if you need help packing, I’m it.

    Also Christmas shopping lists. I’m usually done by Thanksgiving every year.

    1. l8rg8r*

      I need vacation help! We are trying to choose a location for our honeymoon. Our criteria are: relatively easy travel from Boston or NY (i.e. not a six-flight trip to a tiny island – we pretty much want to get on and off one plane and be there); near an ocean or sea for swimming & seafood; not somewhere we’ve already been (we haven’t been that many places so you don’t really need the list). I’m having such a hard time narrowing down the feeling of WE COULD GO ANYWHERE! to a specific list.

      1. TotesMaGoats*

        So my advice in this situation is to figure out your budget first. I usually do it the other way around. For example, I know we’ll go back to DisneyWorld in about two years. So I’ll start budgeting and saving for that. In this case, I pick my budget first and then see where I can go within those criteria.
        Assuming, summer-ish honeymoon because of the ocean swimming

        Use something like Kayak to figure out where you can get to for the least amount of money. Logan/JFK should get you to most east coast/gulf coast places without any stops. Probably even Texas Gulf Coast which is supposed to be amazing. You can probably non-stop to Cali but your price will go up which may mean where you stay, what you do will be impacted.

        For me, it’s about what’s the max I can do for a certain about of money. Doing things and eating is more important than where I stay, in most cases. So, that’s an important thing to consider. Do you want to stay in a super lavish room with room service? Or could you find something on Homeaway.com that gives you an apartment or house with amenities? We prefer to rent a house instead of hotel. That gives you the option to wash clothes, cook meals, etc. Coming home from vacation with all clean clothes is what I live for.

        If you need an actual list:
        Hilton Head Island, SC-It’s my family vacation happy place and where I honeymooned. Fly into Charleston or Savannah. Rent a car. Amazing food. Culture and arts. History. Golf. Shopping. Wonderful beaches.
        Gulf Coast of FL-Panhandle area is great but also Marco Island/Naples
        Texas Gulf Coast-I don’t know much about but it’s beautiful

  300. cookie monster*

    If anyone wants to know anything about music/music theory/guitars I can help with that-I have a guitar performance degree from Berklee
    Also, anything related to the mortgage industry/lending and compliance (which is my work for the past 20 years)

    1. Rincat*

      I grew up learning music and have a good basic understanding of music theory – my mom is a pianist and music educator. I took piano, flute, and voice, but haven’t really played much of anything since high school. I also picked up guitar on my own, so I know chords and how to bar and change keys, but I struggle with moving past this basic knowledge and really advance my guitar skills. Do you have any recommended books or practice routines? I can play a scale very slowly, but I don’t have a lot of hand strength or dexterity. I struggle with committing to practicing because I just don’t know WHAT to practice, and most of the guitar books I’ve found are either SUPER basic, or way too advanced. Thanks!

      1. Cookie Monster*

        It is SUPER hard to self teach in my opinion. I highly reccomment the Guitar Tricks website-you have to pay to get all the content but they have some free that you can test before committing and they also run very decent sales regularly so you can get a subscription for much less than you would pay for private lessons (like a year subscription costs what a month of lessons would cost). they have literally thousands of lessons on there for technique, full songs, music styles etc. and are at all levels.
        For a routine, there are so many things that it is easy to get overwhelmed. Try and just hold yourself to 20 minutes per day to get in the habit, usually once you start playing, you will play longer than that anyway, it’s just getting started and getting in the routine that is hard. Then, pick things to practice and make a schedule that covers a few different hinsg and rotates throughout the days so maybe Mondays you practice scales (through the circle of 5ths if you can) and then some dexterity exercise. Use a metronome and set it where you are comfortable and then bump it up by 2bpm and see how you do at that speed-write down what you do and you wil see that you have progressed week over week. Then Tuesday you do arpeggios and strumming patterns (still with a metronome, stilling at a comfortable pace and then up 2 bpm) Maybe on wedensday, you do scales again, but then also try doing some improv over a backing track (you tube is great for free backing tracks), Thursday more arpeggios and then try improv based on eth arpeggios you just practiced and t hen throw in a sight reading exercise.
        Basically, make a list of all the things you want to work on (scales, speed, dexterity, arpeggios, sweeps, reading, chord chages, improv, open voicings, drop 2s, legato lines, hammer ons, pull offs, finding each note on all 6 strings, walking bass with chords at the same time, alternate picking, hybrid picking etc etc etc) Don’t try and cram all of that into one week-pick maybe 6 things and focus on them for a few weeks and then add another-if you are devoting mire time to playing by then, maybe you don’t drop anything, if you are not, maybe you temporarily drop the thing you have most improved at and pick it up a few weeks later.

  301. TiaMia*

    Looking for someone to share knowledge on recruiting diverse candidates. Our community is pretty white (70%) but our organization has a focus on racial equity and we need to make sure we’re walking the talk. We struggle to get diverse candidates in our application pool. Does anyone have experience with this?

    1. Spcepickle*

      Really think about where you post your ads. I post ads for engineers and convinced my company to post on the society of women engineers, and the society of Hispanic engineers websites. Helps to attract diverse candidates.

    2. LizB*

      A lot depends on what qualifications you need candidates to have; if you can be flexible about level of education vs. experience, you may find your pool gets a lot more diverse with folks who don’t have a degree but have lots of great skills. Local universities may have an Office of Multicultural Life or something similar that caters to students of color and/or first-generation college students — you can ask them to share a posting with students or alumni on their email list or put it up on a jobs board in their office. You can also recruit at community colleges, which often have a higher proportion of students of color. If there are any organizations in your community that do job training (Job Corps or similar), you can also reach out to them and see if you can build a pipeline where you can recruit from their graduates.

  302. Spcepickle*

    Anyone out there work as a STEM educator. I am a civil engineer, but I love teaching kids about science and engineering. Career days, camps, classroom volunteer I have done it and loved it.
    I have been thinking about trying to do education full time, but I really don’t want to teach in the public schools. My ideal roll would be show up in classrooms once a week for an hour or so, do some science, and than move on to the next classroom.
    Anyone do this?

    1. Emilia Bedelia*

      I actually have a friend who owns a business doing basically this. She runs after school programs and summer camps in local schools that focus on art, robotics, science, etc. As far as I know, the people who actually teach the classes are part time, bu there may be a similar sort of camp near you.

  303. Dr. KMnO4*

    I can answer questions on transitioning to a gluten-free diet as an adult (I acquired Celiac disease at age 26). I’m also knowledgeable about chemistry and designing activities/assessments for chemistry classrooms.

    And a question of my own- I’m pretty good at speaking/listening/reading Spanish. I watch a lot of Liga MX and I understand the vast majority of what the announcers are saying. I went to Spain this summer and could read a newspaper article and get the gist of it. I want to get better, but I don’t know the best way to go about it. Should I take a class? Just watch more Spanish language TV?

    1. ContentWrangler*

      Taking a class is probably a good idea but I’ve think the best way to improve foreign language skills is to interact with other Spanish speakers. Are there any social or volunteering groups you could get involved in that serve a Spanish-speaking community?

      1. Dr. KMnO4*

        I think there’s a club at the college where I teach that works with the Spanish-speaking community in our town. I’ll have to check that out. Thanks!

    2. A Cataloger*

      Check with your local library, they may have books, videos, etc. but many will also subscribe to Mango or another language learning platform that you can access from home. I just found out that Mango has a new feature using movies where they offer multiple ways to watch (including at the scene level) with transcripts to aid in understanding.

      1. Dr. KMnO4*

        That’s pretty cool. I’ll have to see what my local library offers. Thankfully it’s part of a huge network so they might have something like that. Watching movies is a great idea, because what I struggle with the most is context-dependent words. Humor goes right over my head most of the time.

  304. Adams*

    I’d love to be a more confident gardener. Any advice, tips, or tricks? Part of my problem is I don’t want to have to read or research much – I just want someone to tell me what to plant, where, and what to do to maintain. Bonus, if its native plant or rain garden friendly!

    1. RB*

      Go to the nursery and look at perennials (things you don’t re-plant each spring, as opposed to annuals like marigolds) and evergreens and see what you like. Pay attention to the size it will get in the future (listed on the tag). The nursery might have sections like small shrub, medium shrub, and large shrub.

      Try a few, not too many, and see how they do. Don’t plant during a heat wave. You may want to think about whether you’d like a flowering shrub, an evergreen shrub (doesn’t lose leaves in the fall and doesn’t have to be cut back each year), or something you can eat like veggies or herbs.

      For the evergreen-shrub category, I like yews. Rosemary is another evergreen shrub and smells good.

      If you’re just looking for ground-cover greenery, that’s another whole category but those all stay low to the ground.

  305. Sorry for TMI Question!*

    Ladies of AAM –

    I apologize in advance if this is inappropriate, but I don’t have many IRL friends I can ask about this! I am curious about trying out reusable menstrual cups. I hate having to excuse myself from a meeting to change a tampon when it is emergent or having to stop a workout. I am a runner and have heard it can be a great alternative for long runs instead of pads that chafe and stopping for tampon changes.

    Have any ladies here tried them? Any advice? Any brands you would recommend to try or to avoid? Thank you!

    1. Aurion*

      I’ve used one (the DivaCup) for like ten years. This was back when it was one of like, three options. Now you have a lot more choice!

      My dataset is limited as the DivaCup was the only silicone one readily available in Canada back in the day and I’ve stuck with the brand (DivaCup has gotten a lot more popular since, I see them everywhere). They are really long lasting. I got a newer one at about the 5-6 year mark because they’d updated the shape slightly but I still could’ve used the old one for years and years. I’d recommend the silicone ones for ease of cleaning and lack of allergy potential. It does take a bit of dexterity to empty it into the toilet and reinsert afterwards, but I’ve never dropped it into the toilet. :) And once it’s in, I really don’t feel it at all. Super comfortable.

      I know some people do the sterilizing with alcohol/boiling water/vinegar/etc but I’ve never bothered because I don’t keep it in a sterile environment afterwards anyway. They are great for sports, but I still wear a pantiliner/pad with it. Trickles (not gush) can still happen even when it’s not full and I’d rather not ruin my underwear, and a pad buys me a bit of time if it overflows.

      If you have any more specific questions, fire away!

    2. epilo*

      I’ve been using an XO Flow for the last year or so, and was using a Diva Cup for a couple years before that. I love it – when it’s working, I basically don’t have to think about having my period while it’s happening (I tend to empty it when I shower and ignore it the rest of the time – and I have a moderately heavy flow).

      I did switch to the XO Flow because it’s supposed make a stronger seal, which I have found to be the case – fewer leaks that way. They are a little tough to get in and out if you have difficulties bending your wrists or squeezing your fingers tightly closed, so just a thing to keep in mind – I recently had some tendonitis-like wrist pain and found it very awkward to try to maneuver.

      Like Aurion, I don’t really bother to sterilize mine; I’ve put it in boiling water, like, twice in the many years I’ve been using menstrual cups. Having a light pad with it is generally a good safety measure; I’ve thought about getting some of that period underwear to wear with it so I don’t have to deal with that either.

    3. No Name Yet*

      TMI question, lots of TMI in my response! :)

      I’ve been using menstrual cups for years (decades, actually), and absolutely adore them. I’ve used the Keeper and Moon Cup, both by the same company (latex rubber vs. silicone), and over 22+ years of them being my menstrual product every month, I’ve bought 3 of them (the 3rd was because the 2nd one didn’t fit after childbirth, it was still in great condition). I love that I don’t need to buy new products every few months, and that once my period starts I don’t have to worry about if I’m going to run out while I’m out of the house. I do keep a few pads on hand at work, for those times when I start early and don’t have the cup with me (when I’m due to start, I just keep it in my purse). When I bled heavily, I would need to empty it every 4-6 hours, but now that I don’t bleed as much, I can leave it in for a full day – so depending on your bleeding pattern, a long run wouldn’t be a problem. I can think of one time in my life when I suddenly passed a very large clot and had to excuse myself because my cup was overflowing, but that’s the only incident (and I used to have fairly heavy periods).

      My general caveat to them is that there are times where you are going to get more blood on your fingers than with using pads or tampons, and I know some people aren’t comfortable with that idea. It’s certainly not every time (and probably doesn’t help that I’m a bit clumsy), but it does happen. And while I’m perpetually anxious about dropping it in the toilet (especially in a public restroom), that has never actually happened. Also, depending on how hard you push when you have a bowel movement, you may feel more comfortable taking it out first. For public restrooms, I either take a damp paper towel into the stall to wipe the blood off the edges of the cup, or I just wait and empty it at home (see: leaving it in for the day). I know some people will rinse it out every time they empty it, but I haven’t bothered with that in years – if I’m home or it’s easy to do, I’ll rinse it out (so it always gets rinsed 2x day anyway).

      You can probably tell I get a bit evangelical about these, so please feel free to ask if you have other questions! As a side note, my mother, sister, and wife have also used these, so while this is primarily from my own experience, I also know how other people have used them as well.

    5. LadyKelvin*

      I use the divacup as well, I have been using it for ~2 years now. I don’t miss the worry that came with pads/tampons and also the money spent. I also use a pantyliner underneath, sometimes it just doesn’t go in right and will leak a bit. The first few times I wore it it felt weird, uncomfortable, and it took forever for me to get it in and out. After 2-3 cycles though, I could do it easily and in a few seconds. It helps to try a bunch of different ways of inserting it and find one that works for you. I also don’t sterilize mine, but I’ll wash it with plain soap and water before and after I use it. I sometimes have to empty it in the middle of the day on the first day or two of an unusually heavy flow, but generally I only have to empty it in the morning and at night. I try to make one of those times while I’m in the shower because it’s just easier then. You will have to get comfortable with your own blood though, it looks different in a cup than in a pad, and you will end up with blood on your hands. Otherwise, honestly, I think everyone should be using them.

    6. Traveling Teacher*

      I’d avoid choosing a size when you’ve just had a major lady-transition. The first one I tried (be’Cup because they sold it in my supermarket), I picked the smaller cup based on the fact that I fit all criteria *except* that I had just had a baby (C-section). I should have got the bigger size…

      TMI: It got stuck! I nearly had to go to my OB to get it removed! (She was extremely interested at my next appointment, though, and asked me all about my experience with it!) I googled, and someone mentioned, “clawing at it like a trapped raccoon” because of the panic. Accurate. Ultimately, I took a nap, tried one more time, and got it out. So, if you pick the wrong size or it just gets stuck, don’t panic! Or, know you will panic but that you’ll eventually get it out.

      I had success with a DivaCup a year later, though! Ultimately worth the trouble because it’s pretty much a one-time expense!

      1. Roja*

        On the getting it out when stuck thing–if necessary, since it’s perfectly safe, you can leave it in for a few days too. Since the cervix moves up and down throughout the month, sometimes the cup will come down on its own if you wait long enough (or try a different position, like a squat). I’ve always managed to get mine out within a few hours on the rare occasion of an issue (there have been a couple close calls, including once where it got stuck sideways–I’m still not sure how that happened) but it’s a good option to have.

    7. Fresh Faced*

      I have a Meluna cup that I got from feminewear (they have a wide range of menstrual products and a helpful Facebook group as well. they also have a free size chart to help you pick a cup) and have been using that in combination with cloth pads for about 4-5 years now. It was a lifesaver for me as I always found tampons uncomfortable and drying, so I ended up using exclusively disposable pads which now looking back, with my flow was not a great thing. Since using a cup my periods shorter by a day and my cramps aren’t as painful. The best thing for me though is just the peace of mind of not having to go to the bathroom every 2 hours to change and never having the fear of running out of pads mid day, oh and I can actually get a full nights sleep on my period now!

      For advice, shop around for a cup that works for you. I chose Meluna because they were cheap and I just wanted to test it out. I got lucky and found my size on the first shot. You may need different sizes for different days of you period as well. I should really have a smaller cup for the 1st day of my period as the one I have is too uncomfortable to use then ( TMI: my cervix moves around during my period) but since I have cloth pads I just use those instead.

      There are a bunch of ways to fold the cup to help get in in place, so I’d try those out, there are a bunch of educational YT videos out there demonstration the folds. It’ll take a few cycles to get used to it.

      You will need to get used to the sight/feel of blood, it doesn’t faze me anymore, but to begin with I was a little grossed out.

      As others have mentioned it’s fine to wash a cup with soap and warm water, I boil mine in water and bicarb every couple of months in the microwave just because my cup is old and prone to staining (I recommend a dark colored cup!).

    8. Anon please today*

      This may not be what you were asking but have you tried stopping your periods altogether? The best health care choice I made in recent years was getting a Mirena, not just for birth control but because I was missing a day of work each month for painful periods. It’s common for people on that type of long-term birth control to have their periods taper off over the first few months and then to stop altogether after about six months. It lasts five years. I’m not trying to plug that brand or anything, but it worked well for me. The only side affect was mild occasional cramping during the first 2-3 months, but not anything like what you get with your period.

    9. SarahKay*

      TMI ahead: I have a Mooncup that I started using about a year ago. Being totally honest, I find it a little more uncomfortable than tampons, mostly when inserting it. On the other hand I only have to empty it twice a day so I can live with that, since the trade-off is knowing how much less waste I’m creating. In fact my flow is *probably* light enough that I could get away with only emptying it once a day, but the leaflet with it reckons I should empty it at least every eight hours – so 12 hours (ish) is the balance I settled on.
      I probably boil mine after every other period, and just rinse it well otherwise. If for some reason I want to change it at work I tend to duck into the disabled bathroom, since it has a sink I can rinse it at, but the instructions do say you can just wipe it and re-insert. I haven’t yet got blood on my hands, although have got it on the toilet seat once or twice. And the comments saying your blood is different than on a tampon/pad are spot on – I was amazed at how mucus-y it is.
      My only real gripe with it is that the packing and the ribbon on it’s carry-bag is absurdly pink and I find the pink-is-for-girls thing very irritating. Overall, my only regret is not buying one years ago.

      1. No Name Yet*

        If it helps with the “pink-for-girls” – I currently have 4 mooncups in my medicine cabinet, and none of them came in pink bags. Each bag was made from a different patterned fabric (sunflowers, butterflies, etc.) in various colors. So my guess is it was just random happenstance. (And OMG that would make me crazy too.)

    10. sleeklydestination*

      I don’t use a menstrual cup, but I wear period underwear and absolutely love them! It might be another option you could try.

    11. Roja*

      Yes, I’ve used the Diva for the last five years and sing its praises constantly. I recommend checking out the livejournal page for menstrual cups (easily googleable; if I don’t put the link then the comment won’t need to go through moderation first!) because there’s many different brands and you can get a lot of great tips on what will work for you size and shape-wise. DO NOT just buy one and hope it works. I actually did that and it worked but I got really lucky and would absolutely not recommend that course of action.

      The only thing I don’t really like about them is if you get a really heavy flow day and you have to empty in a public bathroom stall, that can get messy. It’s not as easy as just rolling up a pad or a tampon and being done. But in general, it’s loads easier, more comfortable, and cheaper. If you can find a good fit and get past the learning curve, it’s 150% worth it. As an aside, I’m probably in the minority but I don’t actually clean mine. It gets rinsed and left out to air dry, which seems to work really well. You definitely don’t need any fancy, expensive cleaner.

      1. Roja*

        Oh, and in terms of the leakage issue–I’ve found true leaks to be quite rare. It’s usually either an overflow or a suction issue, in which case just remove, empty, and reinsert. I’ve also noticed what seem to be temporary fit issues, where you just get a few hours where the cup won’t suction perfectly no matter how many times you reinsert.

        What’s more common is, because the cup doesn’t absorb anything, (TMI alert!) bits get left behind as you empty the cup and reinsert and will travel downward and then spot. It’s not foolproof, but if you wipe very carefully and repeatedly that’ll pretty much eliminate the issue. I hate pads and refuse to wear them in all but the most dire of circumstances and rarely have issues.

    2. LaterKate*

      I use the Rodan and fields lash boost serum. I avoided it for a long time because, well, MLM, but i gave in because my friends had such great results. It is pretty amazing. My lashes are so long that strangers comment on them. I am experimenting with using it on a sparse area in my eyebrow, but can’t comment yet on how well that works because i just began applying it there.

      1. RB*

        I just looked up the price of this and it is $135 – $150! I’ll try the Tarte one first that someone suggested below.

    3. Agent of the Nine*

      I have tried it and it totally worked! I was shocked. The one I was using was by Tarte and you sort of painted it on your eyelash roots at night time (this was a few years ago when there were not many options, so there might be something better by now).

      Downsides were that it would sting if it got in your eye, and I would never remember to actually put it on. Those are both probably user error.

  307. tangerineRose*

    I’d like to know more about running my own business. I won’t have employees, will be set up as an LLC, will be doing computer work. Also will be a subcontractor, so don’t need to advertise. Concerned about finances, taxes, insurance, etc.

    1. Secretary*

      Keep track of the expenses you can write off!!! It will lower the taxes you owe by a lot at tax time! A lot of first time business owners don’t realize this until it’s too late.
      Basically every time you spend money for business, write it down.

    2. Product Manager + Business Analyst*

      Second the first commentator. Keep track of your receipts. Things like Quickbooks are super helpful.

      Also, make sure you’re investing in yourself. Use at least some of your income to hire people to sit down and teach you this stuff in depth. If you can’t afford to engage an accountant on an ongoing basis, hire one to go over the important bits and take notes! If you’re struggling with an area of your business, find someone to help you walk through it. When I started as a consultant I practically drowned my first year because the whole thing was so overwhelming, the money I spent to have someone get me back on track has paid for itself in dividends.

    3. GuitarLady*

      Make sure you are doing quarterly payments to prepare for taxes. Depending on how expense-heavy your business is (sounds like not very high), you need to set aside 14 to 15% for self-employment taxes, and then income tax on top of that depending on how much you are earning, and don’t forget state taxes if you live in a state with those!

  308. ExcitedAndTerrified*

    I’m pretty competent at blade smithing, glassblowing, and calligraphy, so if anyone has questions about those topics, I’ll try to answer.

    1. ContentWrangler*

      Blade smithing sounds so cool. My boyfriend was heavily into fencing growing up and now we LARP and he loves the fake sword fights. I’ve thought of getting him a sword as a gift, nothing crazy fancy, but I have no idea what a reasonable cost/price for something like that is – any advice?

      1. ExcitedAndTerrified*

        It’s entirely dependent on what sort of purpose you expect him to put the blade to, and what style of blade it is. If you’re looking for a pretty but cheap wall hanger that’s mass produced in stainless steel, you could be looking at anywhere between $80 and a $200. If you’re looking for a very particular/specific design in that quality of blade (ie, a recreation from Lord of the Rings, or similarly trademarked property), you can expect that price range to double.

        If you’re looking for something hand-forged, but still intended for hanging on a wall, the price point tends to be in the $150 (stainless steel) to $400 (pattern welded) range. These sorts of blades will usually stand up to banging on a sapling a few times or the like – they’re the sort of thing I’d recommend for the casual collector, who wants to strike some poses, but mostly leave it somewhere to be looked at. Most of these are not actually sharpened – they come to a false edge. You could try and put a functional edge on them yourself, but most smiths don’t deferentially harden or temper these blades, meaning they will break (either on the edge or spine) if pushed hard.

        If you’re actually looking for a cutting blade, meaning something that the smith designed/intended to go out and be used on carcasses/tatami/sandbags/etc, like you see in a competition TV show (ie, Forged In Fire), don’t expect to pay less than $400, for something the smith has in stock, specializes in making, and just wants to get paid for. If you’re asking for something custom, to your specifications, expect that number to rapidly pass $1k.

        Note that the above prices are what I’ve seen/expect for a sword. Knives tend to be a lot cheaper – they’re a lot easier to make (while a pass through forge can theoretically make any size blade, it’s a lot harder to make a decent one as it gets longer, for a variety of technical reasons – most smiths prefer to work on blades that can be entirely contained in their forge), there’s a lot more folks making them, and there’s a much steadier market for them.

  309. Robin*

    I am good at spelling and grammar edits. I am also good at helping people quit smoking.

    What I need help with is how to get Work-Life Balance with a toddler!!!! I am 48 with a 19 month old and hubby and I are completely exhausted and when can we exercise or have time for each other? I adore him, he’s the light of my life, but where am I??

    1. No Name Yet*

      As another parent of a toddler, I have two thoughts: one, you are so not alone, I feel that way every day. I was actually pretty excited to take an afternoon off of work for a repair person to come, just so I could have a bit of time to myself!

      Second, one thing that has been a huge help for us is to have “off days”. Once a quarter, my wife and I will each get a day to ourselves. Taking time off work is tricky for us, so usually we do a weekend. The other person gets full childcare duties for that day, and you get to do whatever you want. The planning for this can be hard, but it really does make a difference to have a day like that to look forward to. When we started planning that, we also decided to do a date night for the two of us once a quarter (haven’t done as good of a job with that) – again, not enough on its own to support our marriage, but a big help.

    2. Thlayli*

      We each have a morning off each weekend till 12. Can do whatever we like – usually it’s sleep.

      We used to have an evening off a week each after dinner was over. But haven’t done that for a while.

      We usually get a babysitter and go out once a month.

  310. flowers r cool*

    I can answer questions about florists and floral arrangements. Anything you want to know about how to get the most out of your local florist, what flowers last longest, caring for floral arrangements when you take them home, etc.

    1. anon..*

      If you do floral arrangements for weddings, how much does that typically cost? What’s included in that? How does it all work?!

      (Trying to plan wedding budget but have NO IDEA what to put for floral other than “???”.

      1. flowers r cool*

        I’ll be honest, flowers are expensive. Prices will differ for every florist; the biggest differences in prices will depend on what florist you use, and how much labor is involved in your wedding arrangements. Specialized event only florists will charge more than a neighborhood florist. Your best bet is to google your local shops, and see if any offer wedding flowers. If you find that a particular florist is popular with the nicer funeral homes in the area, they would be a safe bet. That means that they have a good floral designer on staff, and are capable of creating larger pieces.

        NEVER use a florist that pressures you to get more than you want, or wants you to sign up for a package “deal.” A good florist will be able to work with your budget (within reason), and be willing to make what you need, even if its only a single bouquet. Go into planning your flowers with an open mind and trust your florist once you’ve found a good one.

        I can’t promise that the prices will be the same in your area, but the prices at the florist I work for start at $100 for a single two-handed bridal bouquet. That is with standard flowers like roses and lilies. The price will go up with premium flowers, especially if the florist has to special order flowers. Corsages start at $40, boutonnieres start at $15. Centerpieces I’ve seen ranged anywhere from $70 (for very simple/small) to $800+ (for larger/more complicated). In addition to the arrangements, you also have to consider delivery charges. You can save money by picking up the flowers yourself, but that can get complicated if you order large pieces. Delivery could be anywhere between $15-$50.

    2. ContentWrangler*

      Would love to hear about which flowers last longest. I love to keep fresh flowers in the apartment and it can be frustrating to have them wilt super quickly.

      Also any particular tips for caring for hydrangea arrangements? My boyfriend loves them but the bunches we get from our local grocery chain always die almost immediately. (the answer may just be that grocery store flowers aren’t the best but I can get lilies or other flowers there that last much longer)

      1. flowers r cool*

        Flowers that last the longest are carnations, mums, and alstromeria. Most grocery store flowers are purchased from a wholesaler rather than directly from the farms, so they’ve been around for a while before you ever see it. Even with direct from farm flowers, the most you can expect from them is around 4-10 days depending on the flower variety.

        As for hydrangeas, they are heavy drinkers. They can’t be out of water for any extended period of time. They should be in water within 15-25 minutes of purchasing them. If possible, they shouldn’t be out of water at all. When you get them home, give them a fresh cut at an angle, and put them in cool water. Keep them away from any draft. Other than that there isn’t much you can do, hydrangeas are just really finicky flowers. If you can find them, try antique hydrangeas, they last the longest of any hydrangeas I’ve had experience with.

    3. Tabby Baltimore*

      Is the “plant food” the shop sends home with you, or that comes with the flower bouquet if bought at the grocery store, really going to help keep your flowers fresh? And, if so, what’s the most optimal way to use it? Change the water in the vase every day and sprinkle some in? I usually cut about an inch off the bottom of the stems when I’m refreshing the water, and putting in the powder, but just wanted an expert’s opinion on whether this is really helpful or not. Thanks.

      1. flowers r cool*

        Yes, your doing the most important thing! The “flower food” does help keep flowers fresh, its a mix that controls bacteria in the water as well as the waters ph. If the florist doesn’t give the flowers a fresh cut when you purchase them, trim them at an angle when you get home. All flowers should be in water within 30-45 minutes, or sooner for finicky flowers. Put about half a packet in the vase, with cool water. In two days you should completely replace the water, trim the stems again, and add the other half of the packet. Keep an eye on the water level and top it up when needed. And keep flowers away from drafts, air vents, and direct sunlight!

  311. she was a fast machine*

    This is not work-related and might be veering into too-personal territory, but I’ve been in a relatively unconventional open relationship for almost four years, and we’ve gotten tons of kudos from those who know, including therapists, on our communication skills and such, so if you have questions about how that works or how to work on communication in relationships I could help!

    I also know photoshop really well, from CS through the newest CC.

    1. Emelia*

      Do you have any suggestions for how to get better at forcing yourself to have hard conversations? I’ve been avoiding a conversation with my partner for MONTHS because of the potential for negative consequences but obviously that is really cruel to them/bad for our relationship! I know therapy is the obvious answer but if you have any suggestions for the meantime until I can get my insurance figured out…

      1. she was a fast machine*

        Putting yourself in their shoes really helps. Think about what would upset them more; that you’re keeping something from them or the actual thing that you’re not wanting to talk about? Usually, people can tell that something isn’t 100% right, and it can start to fracture things well before the actual traumatic conversation happens. That suspected lack of trust makes any difficult conversation a million times harder.

        And from a selfish perspective, if you bring it up sooner, you get in front of it and get to control the narrative. Think about the negative consequences, and compare it to other bad things your relationship has experienced. Think about the worst-case scenario if you continue to not discuss it, and the worst case scenario if you do discuss it. Often in a relationship that worst case scenario is a breakup; if that’s the worst that can happen either way, then you’re not actually risking that much if you go ahead and have the conversation because bad things are inevitable and at least this way you have some control of the context of it, rather than if you don’t bring it up and something else happens and the relationship ends and it’s completely beyond your control then.

        I think, inherently, we’re all selfish at our core, even in loving relationships. It’s not an inherintly bad thing to feel selfish and scared of losing someone. Recognizing that selfish fear we all have gives us the opportunity to redirect the selfishness into positivity in the relationship(i.e. selfishly getting the bad news out so you can have “control” of the situation, but in the end that honestly benefits you both). Plus, you will feel better about yourself if you behave proactively.

        Good luck!

    1. epilo*

      Sorry, that was extremely vague. Situation is: I’m working with a coach, and I don’t know if it’s helping me or not. I’m looking for help getting my career moving along (or figuring out what I’m doing next to get my career moving along) and I honestly go back and forth on whether I think my coaching is helping.

      1. Product Manager + Business Analyst*

        I think the effectiveness of coaching can vary dramatically on the industry/company/specific role. Coaching is more effective for folks that are responsible for broad swaths of strategy, highly political environments, or on the complete flip side, roles that are really independent without a lot of opportunity for collaboration. Coaching doesn’t work well for niche industries or very specific roles unless that coach specializes in it. Occasionally I’ve engaged a coach that I’ve known for a few years to talk through some business problem I’m having as a consultant. Since I’m a one woman show, sometimes I need a reality check.

        For most people though, you’re better off finding a mentor in your company or industry.

        And of course, it will completely depend on the individual coach. You might just need a new one. Can you be a bit more specific about what you’re being coached on? What outcomes are you hoping to get?

        1. epilo*

          I’m being coached on… life things? We’ve ended up doing a lot of talking about the kinds of things that get in my way of doing things, or setting tasks for me that are mostly things I already know I should do but have a hard time self-motivating to get done. I have been hoping to hear whether or not my career plan makes sense and is (or is not) a good fit for my abilities. It’s entirely possible that what I want isn’t really a coaching thing, but I thought I’d give it a try in case it helped.

          I’d love to find a mentor in my industry. One issue is that I’m not yet in the industry I’m thinking about going towards; another is my difficulty with networking (got some advice about that upthread).

          1. Product Manager + Business Analyst*

            Honestly this sounds more like in the realm of personal therapy. Not in terms of “you are broken/have a mental illness” but more have personal issues that you need to work on. I struggled with motivation issues as well (professionally & personally) and a good round of therapy has helped tremendously.

            Coaching is great for getting feedback on your career plan, figuring out what you’re good at, but only if you have a good coach. Imo it’s much harder to find a good coach than a good therapist.

            1. epilo*

              Thanks, that’s really helpful to hear. I really like my coach but I do feel as though we’re doing the kind of work I’d expect more in therapy. Ugh, I don’t know if I should talk to her about it or just stop working with her when my payment period ends this month. I hate having these conversations. (although who doesn’t?)

  313. Stephanie*

    I’ve been a Customer Service Trainer at an insurance company for over four years. If you have any questions about health insurance or phone customer service, I’m happy to try and help!

  314. Executive Director - Economics (Australian Gov)*

    I’m a senior public servant in Australia, leading an economics/regulation division. Let me know if you’ve any questions about econ, reg, the APS or Canberra.

  315. Stephanie*

    I have applied for the same job position twice, and was told I was the second runner-up both times. Another position is now open, and my new supervisor got some feedback from the interviewers: I came off as a know-it-all. I have lots of experience in the primary functions of the job, and may be the only applicant that has actually done the job before. How do I portray my unique qualifications without sounding like a know-it-all?

    1. Yolo*

      Gah. Is the answer “don’t interview with people who are so insecure as to call you a know-it-all”?

      On the other hand, is it possible you ever cut anyone off (even out of enthusiasm) or talked about your experience beyond the reasonable scope of the question being asked? Those things are easily avoided and may give a bad impression.

    2. Thlayli*

      I think when people use the word “know it all” it usually means “they made me feel stupid”. Maybe think back to how you spoke to them – was there anything you said or anyway you said it that might have implied they knew less than they should? Or could you ask people around you if you ever come across as a know-it-all and how?

    3. BetsCounts*

      Maybe also try to make a point of acknowledging that the new company may have different policies/procedures etc. than you used when you previously had the same job at another company?

      1. Stephanie*

        Thanks for the responses! To clarify, this would be a lateral move within the same company. My current supervisor (who is very supportive and knows this is my dream job) got this feedback for me. They stated that I was their first choice, but didn’t get the position (both times) because of the impression I left that I knew more than others and would “question everything” I was asked to do. I did two mock interviews with my former supervisors, and one of her compliments to me was that I was able to confidently state my abilities and experience without sounding conceited. When I shared the feedback with her, she was shocked, because I have never been that way as an employee. So, it does seem like I’m coming off differently in the interview than I intend. Two out of three of the interview panel will be in this third interview. Any suggestions for how I can mix things up and seem less conceited, while still being confident?

  316. Product Manager + Business Analyst*

    I’m a product/program/portfolio management & business analytics consultant with 10 years of experience. I focus on helping large companies adopt agile methodologies, develop user-centered products, scale operations to new sites, leverage data in useful ways, things like that. Ask me about anything above, or I’m happy to answer questions about freelance consulting in tech.

    1. Ricky*

      Can you elaborate more on the first half? I’m intrigued, but not even sure where to start with questions, lol.

      1. Product Manager + Business Analyst*

        Sure!

        About 75% of the time I’m brought in because something has gone to hell. Something is behind schedule, something is broken, or something has been built but is performing horribly with users. Most of these incidents can be “fixed” by rethinking business plans and processes. You would be surprised at how many companies invest a lot of time and money into building things no one asked for.

        Enter me. I basically do an investigation with the organization trying to figure out what went wrong. I go through revenue/expense statements, conduct interviews, review original proposal documents, review user feedback, etc. I present my findings to executives and then propose a strategy for making business processes more effective. I stick around long enough to make sure the right consultants come on board to enact the strategy (I’m not a BI developer, for example, I recommend a different group to come in and build dashboards according to my recommendations).

        The other 25% of the time I’m coming in because a company is planning a big acquisition or expansion, and they want to make sure the transition goes smoothly. A lot of the work is the same, but I get to prevent snafus instead of clean up after them.

        1. Ricky*

          *wide eyes gif*

          That’s so fascinating. (I’m a one-woman small business, pottery, so the bigger side of things is so… weirdly mysterious.)

    2. Tabby Baltimore*

      Do you have time (maybe not tonight, but tomorrow?) to talk about how you “leverage data”? Does someone give you the data to look at/analyze, or do you have to generate any of it yourself, or direct someone to generate it? Parts of your answer below are helpful, but I’m more interested in whether you use any tools–like Excel–in some unusual way, or a data scientist to help you discern trends/patterns in the business’ data that will help you pinpoint what the problem was.

    3. Just a thought*

      How did you start freelancing or transition to a consultant? Did you start at other companies and build a reputation?
      I’m at the beginning of my career and hoping to move into project management in tech/engineering. I would love to know more about the consulting and freelancing options

  317. Vendelle*

    I’m a speech therapist and I specialize in voice problems, so any voice-related questions are welcome here!

    I’m also and avid watcher of cookery shows and I love to bake in case that’s of any use to anyone here :)

    1. AVP*

      you sound like maybe you’re from the UK? Is everyone really eating jelly rolls and Victoria sandwiches every day as GBBO would have us believe?

      1. Vendelle*

        I’m actually NOT from the UK, but from the Netherlands, so I’m afraid I can’t help you with your question, sorry.

        Having said that: I really want that to be true!

      2. London Calling*

        I’m from the UK – what on earth are jelly rolls and Victoria sandwiches?? do you mean Victoria sponge?

    2. Anonymous hedgehog*

      Hi! I don’t know if this is exactly within your wheelhouse but I’ve been wondering about it for a while… I’ve got a voice-related question with two parts:

      1) I often feel like I need to clear my throat, or like there’s a small amount of phlegm in the back of my throat. Is there anything I can do about this/its likely causes? I don’t have any other allergy or sickness symptoms.

      And 2) I’d like to get into acting onstage but I feel like my voice fatigues very quickly. I get hoarse and my throat hurts a little bit after I talk continuously or loudly for more than… maybe 15 minutes? Then I feel like I need to cough or clear my throat in order to speak normally.

      Any advice/techniques/remedies/I don’t even know what would be appreciated!

      2. Vendelle*

        Both the problems you mentioned can have the same cause: strain. You probably use too much force when speaking, causing strain on your vocal folds. It’s difficult to go into specifics without knowing exactly how you use your voice, but there are a number of things you can do to keep your voice healthy and to stop straining your voice. It’s important to drink enough fluids and to make sure you don’t cough or clear your throat. Also, don’t use throat sweets, especially the ones with loads of menthol. And when you speak, try to imagine your airway and throat as a wide open pipe. If you find that your throat feels sore or that you start to get a little hoarse, you can use straw phonation or voice bubbling techniques to relax your throat again (if you search on Google or Youtube you can find plenty information about those techniques). One video that I found very helpful is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asDg7T-WT-0

        Finally, if you find my tips don’t help you enogh, please go to a speech therapist or speech language pathologist who specializes in voice therapy or voice problems. If you have any more questions, do not hesitate to ask, I’m always willing to help!

        1. Anonymous hedgehog*

          Thank you so much for answering!

          I try not to clear my throat too often, but it’s challenging because then I often get that sort of “frog in your throat” feeling. (And of course the more I think about not doing it the more I want to haha.)

          I’ll try the video you suggested, thank you!

  318. Vir*

    I am a children’s librarian who is pretty good at readers advisory! Anyone need book/movie/video game recommendations for someone 0-18?

    I can also answer any questions about kids and reading, early literacy, screen time, and stuff like “I’m trying to remember a kids book I read 30 years ago with a green cover and I think it was about space…”

    1. Christy*

      Recommendations for kids books, both boys ages 4 and 5. These are my boyfriend’s kids, and I’ve realized they don’t have many books. They favor silly books (Sam and Dave Dig a Hole, Peanut Butter and Cupcake, etc) or character books about superheros vs. ones that are overly creative. My niece and nephew love Quest and that series, so I initially got the boys those books, but they did not care for them. Also not big fans of Where the Wild Things Are – which surprised me.
      Any suggestions about silly books for that age range? Also any suggestions for encouraging early readers
      thanks!

      1. Vir*

        Silly books for 4/5 year olds: There are so many! But these are my favourites :)
        All of these authors have also written other great books.
        – I Want My Hat Back by Mac Barnett (the author of Sam & Dave Dig a Hole, if you haven’t checked out his other books yet)
        – Floaty by John Himmelman
        – Don’t let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems
        – Chester by Melanie Watt
        – Goodnight Already! by Jory John
        – I’m the Biggest Thing in the Ocean! by Kevin Sherry
        – Oh no George! by Chris Haughton
        – Z is for Moose by Kelly Bingham

        Some suggestions for encouraging early and pre-readers, in no particular order…
        -Read aloud with them lots and lots and lots!
        -Let them pick some of their own books
        -Feel free to put down a book midway if they’re not into it
        -Set a good example by being excited about books and reading yourself!
        -Point out text when you’re out and about (eg. “Look, the sign says ‘Pick up after your dog!’”)
        -Make up your own stories together
        -Shameless self-promotion: go to library storytimes :)

          1. Vir*

            Paddington’s still a classic, and interest in him seemed to go back up again after the movie came out in 2014. I don’t often see kids picking out Paddington on their own, it’s usually their caregivers who want to share the book with them. It does make a great read-aloud!

        2. Christy*

          Thank you! I forgot about the I Want My Hat Back. I’ll need to check out the others.
          This weekend we are doing a library visit. I have so many good memories of going to the library as a kid and finding new treasures. Thank you so much!

    2. anon24*

      I don’t know if you’re still on here, but I have two books that I’m trying to remember. One was more of a short story, I read it in literature class and would love to read it again. It’s about a guy who washes up on a private island and the owner takes him into his mansion and feeds him and tells him all about his adventures hunting exotic animals and then the next morning tells his poor visitor that he’s now going to hunt him. I think I read it in American Lit but I could be mistaken because I took 2 years of American Lit and the second year I was taking British Lit too.

      The second one is one I used to get out of my library as a kid. I don’t remember much about it, except that it was about a girl who had a broken family and she used to canoe out to an island near where she lived for peace and quiet. One day someone came to her house to kidnap her (maybe her dad) and she took her brother and hid out on the island. I used to read it all the time but then the library got rid of it and I never could find it again and google couldn’t figure it out. I think it was named something like “Jane’s” Island with Jane being the name of the girl in the story.

      2. Vir*

        I’m pretty sure that first one is “The Most Dangerous Game” by Richard Connell (1924).

        So far I am stumped on your second one though. There is actually a book out there called “Jane’s Island”, but it seems totally unrelated. It’s going to bother me all night now haha. :)

          1. anon24*

            Megan’s Island OMG that’s it! Thank you so much! I’ve been looking for that book for almost 15 years! Googling the plot got me nowhere.

            1. Sparkly Librarian*

              The advanced search feature on Biblio and other databases is awfully helpful. I plugged in “Island” into the title field and “brother” into the keywords, and gave it a publication range of 1940-2000, since I don’t know how old you are. I think it was on the second page of results. You helped immensely by knowing that much about the title!

  319. anon..*

    I really dig the whole food scene in NYC, so if anyone’s looking for recommendations, I’m here to help!

  320. she was a fast machine*

    A question about blue-collar workers who are exempt from overtime; we’re in Texas and my understanding is that the only blue collar hourly workers exempted from overtime are those working on the railroad. However, my husband(a welder)’s business, which is distinctly not in the railroad business but is otherwise very above board and generous, does not pay overtime. How do I even ask them about the policy without risking retaliation? Is there something in Texas labor law I’m missing?

      1. she was a fast machine*

        Not from what I’ve seen of blue collar work. Anyone who knows the ~technical~ term gets a good side-eye and “why do you want to know?”. Maybe it’s just our crappy experiences but I’m really nervous to push too hard because we can’t afford to lose this job. He’s had a job before where he asked about overtime and then started to lose hours and eventually the job…and then when tax time came we discovered they’d been classing him as a contractor all along when he wasn’t.

        I’ve given him a script about how his nosy wife wants to know why he doesn’t get overtime and all he came back with was “because it’s in transportation and we work for DOT”, which is kind of true but they’re not the actual government, just contractors.

        1. Seeking GTD*

          I’m know nothing about it but I’d drop an anonymous tip to the labor board and let them check out the situation.

  321. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

    Organizational processes:

    If you work with a lot of paper I highly recommend the GO (Get Organized) system:
    https://organize4results.com/about-the-go-system/

    I attended a class and it really has helped me more than I can say.
    When I was working with a large amount of paper it really did make my job much easier. I won’t say that I didn’t drop the ball on anything but it was very rare.

    I really cannot recommend this process enough.

  322. RB*

    Cooking, makeup and nail polish, thrift/vintage shopping, and mid-level Excel stuff. I can tell you the best things to make on the weekend to have low-cost lunches for the entire week (enchilada casserole, quiche, chili, etc.).

    1. Tabby Baltimore*

      Do you have any good vegetarian casserole recipes? I’m always looking around for something easy that I can put together without too much time spent on food prep (no more than 20-30 min preferred). Thanks.

      1. Ktelzbeth*

        Too late for me to copy out recipes tonight (sorry), but look at https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/chickpea-casserole-with-lemon-herbs-shallots-50121383. I often give it about 5 hours on low in the slow cooker, instead of the oven as indicated in the recipe. In fact, I recommend slow cookers for the win. I’ve gotten good recipes from Fresh from the Vegan Slow Cooker and Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker by Robin Robertson.

        If the weekend goes well, I’ll try to pop back with a couple actual recipes, if you’re interested in slow cooker stuff. Let me know.

        1. Tabby Baltimore*

          I think I have slow cooker in the basement, but have never used it. In case I really do still have it, though, and if you have time, please go ahead and list one or two of your favorite recipes. And thanks for following up.

          1. Ktelzbeth*

            I realized after making the offer that some of my absolute favorites are in the cookbook currently lent to a friend.

            Cheesy Chick-Pea and Quinoa Bake
            1 tbsp olive oil
            1 cup chopped or shredded zucchini
            1 cup chopped celery (I skip)
            1 cup chopped onion
            4 cups water
            2 cups uncooked quinoa, rinsed and drained
            1-2 cans chickpeas (depending on your preferred bean to quinoa ratio)
            1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
            1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese (I often go over on both cheeses)

            1. Preheat the oven to 350F and crease a 2 quart casserole.
            2. In a large frying pan over medium heat, saute the vegetables in the oil until they are tender.
            3. Mix the quinoa, 3/4 cup cheddar, 1/4 cup Swiss, and water into the vegetables.
            4. Put the mixture in your casserole dish and sprinkle the rest of the cheese on top (or sprinkle the cheese on close to the end or mix all the cheese in)
            5. Cover and bake for 45 min to 1 hour, until all the liquid has been absorbed.
            You can also put this in the slow cooker. I think I’ve done about 5-6 hours on low.

          2. Ktelzbeth*

            Korean Chickpeas

            2 cups dried chickpeas soaked overnight in warm water
            4 red potatoes
            7 carrots
            1 onion

            1 tsp crushed red pepper or to taste
            2 tbsp paprika
            1 tbsp miso
            5 tbsp soy sauce
            4 tbsp mirin (or white wine with 1 tsp sugar)
            3 tbsp maple syrup (this much makes it a bit sweet for me)
            2 tbsp rice vinegar
            3 tsp crushed garlic
            2 tbsp sesame oil

            1. Wash and cut carrots and potatoes into bite size pieces. Chop onion and saute if desired. Place in slow cooker along with chickpeas (drained).
            2. Combine the ingredients for the sauce, which should be the ones in italics if I did the HTML right, and pour over the stuff in the slow cooker.
            3. Cook on high for 5-6 hours.
            4. Serve over rice, quinoa, or the like, if desired.

          3. Ktelzbeth*

            And that, unfortunately, is what I have until I get that loose-leaf binder back. But lasagna can also be really quick and easy, surprisingly. Buy jarred marinara sauce, no boil noodles, pre-shredded cheeses, and ricotta. Layer to your heart’s content, which will only take 10-15 minutes since everything is already prepped, and pop in the over for 45 min-1 hour or do the same in a slow cooker (easier in a rectangle slow cooker than circle) for 6 or so hours on low.

      2. RB*

        If you don’t mind spending a few minutes chopping and sautéing some onions and whatever veggies you like, then I recommend quiche or enchilada casserole. These don’t really require a recipe since you are going to customize it to whatever cheese/veggies you like best. I like goat cheese in my quiche. For the casserole, I like onions, Anaheim and pasilla peppers, refried or seasoned pinto beans, and whatever else needs to be used up.

  323. Fresh Faced*

    Help Request: Is anyone here self employed and can give me information on filing taxes? (I’m in the UK) I started as a freelance artist in January and I’m unsure what the whole self assessment tax filing process like? I’ve signed up for it so I’m good to go on that front, but how do I go about proving my income and expenses? I’m assuming I don’t just write the numbers down on a form and they take me at my word. I don’t expect to be making all that much money as a freelancer this year as I’m actively looking for a FT permanent job as a priority. But as it stands I have about 3k worth of income unaccounted for, and figured it’d be best for me to get my ducks in a row sooner rather than later just in case I do find myself being more fruitful with freelance.

    As for help I can give, I make 3D models for games if anyone is interested in that process =)

  324. Travelling Circus*

    I don’t know if anyone is going to be reading this far down, but is anyone a genealogist? I’d love to research some of my family’s history, but I’m not exactly sure where to start looking (I’m not of European descent, so sites like Ancestry haven’t always been helpful.) Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

    1. Ennigaldi*

      I’m not a genealogist but I know a few. You can hire a genealogist, it turns out! If you want to do it yourself instead, maybe start by contacting a group/society/museum roughly aligned with your background (for instance, in my city there’s a Norwegian club, an Irish cultural center, a Chinese-American museum…) and see what kind of resources they have. They might have an archive, even!

      1. Travelling Circus*

        Thank you! I’ll try to get in touch with the local groups/societies and see if have any info.

    2. Tabby Baltimore*

      Former public librarian here. Public libraries, particularly the larger ones, usually have at least one or two staff members who know about local-area genealogy clubs you can join just to get tips on how to get started, or know about genealogists in your area who are fee-based, and who are willing to take on the actual research if you’ve hit a wall on your own. Larger library systems may also have a librarian who functions–either formally or informally–as a local area historian/genealogist, who could help you get started by showing you how to use the library’s genealogical resources. If you’re not too daunted by the idea, Mormon churches often have pretty robust genealogical resources that are often free, even to non-Mormons, but that is something you should probably check out first with your local librarian before venturing to a local Latter Day Saints church library. Best of luck!

      1. Travelling Circus*

        I never even thought about the library, actually. I live in a major city, so the library here might have some resources. Thank you!

  325. Ricky*

    I won’t pretend to be anything near an expert, but I can answer questions on pottery and basic graphic/web design (Photoshop, Squarespace, etc. Some experience with Illustrator, InDesign, WordPress and coding by hand, but I’ve been out of the game for years).

    Will take any advice for a handmade small business owner, marketing or otherwise!

  326. Amairch*

    I want to hear about people who have started a tutoring business. Either as a sole proprietor, buying a franchise, starting an in-home business (where tutors travel to the students) or a center (where students travel to the center/your home). I think this is what I want to do but I have no idea where to start or where to connect with people who are actively doing this.

  327. Empty Sky*

    Late to this, but people seem to still be replying so here goes.

    I’m good at solving ‘impossible’ problems, usually (but not always) in an IT setting.

    I’m also good at technical interviewing (software development/architecture) and candidate assessment and evaluation.

    1. Tabby Baltimore*

      I’m thinking of going back to school to get a master’s in data science. If I were going to apply for a job at your company, (1) what kinds of entry-level ]jobs would I be applying for (assuming a data science degree would qualify me for any of them) and (2) what kinds of interview questions would you be asking at an entry-level interview? Thanks.

      1. Empty Sky*

        (1) Probably nothing at my company as we are just starting to develop our offerings in the data science area. If you want to specialize then we probably wouldn’t be a good choice for you, at least right now. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of companies out there who do specialize in that area, but I don’t know enough about them to advise you.

        We are a consultancy so our hiring is usually tactical and focused on project staffing needs. If we hire entry level staff (rather than getting a contractor in) then it’s an investment for the future on our part, so we will typically only do it in an area where we expect to have a stream of ongoing work. Generally entry level people would be assigned to a project team under a senior team lead, who would break the work up into manageable chunks for them and help them figure out anything they didn’t know. You would be expected to do a lot of learning on the job (about how software projects in general and our projects in particular) for the first six months to a year.

        (2) I haven’t done an entry level interview in a while, but if I was asked to, I would probably focus a lot on your background, career aspirations and what appealed to you about the role. More so than senior people, entry level applicants are looking to start a career (or start a new one) and will often cast a wide net, so it’s more important to focus on the fit and make sure the role and career path is a good match for them. I would be trying to find out what you are passionate about, what you’re really good at, and how well those will translate into the kind of career path we’re hiring for.

        One question I like is to ask for an example of a project or accomplishment (ideally technology related) that you are particularly proud of. Then I ask what it was about it that appealed to you. How the interviewee chooses to answer this question will often give you a clue as to what they are really passionate about. It’s also a good way to break the ice (who doesn’t like talking about their successes?) If your example overlaps with my expertise at all then I will often explore it a bit more by asking hypothetical questions: Did you think about trying X? What if Z had happened instead of Y? Or I might offer a related example from my experience, and ask your opinion on it.

        I tend to try and keep things fairly conversational and work the questions in naturally as required. Once in a while I might need to cut things off if they are going in a direction that doesn’t tell me anything useful (so don’t be offended if I interrupt you in the middle of a story). In general I am looking to understand what kind of person you are and what it would be like working with you. For a senior role I would also need to be evaluating the quality and relevance of the applicant’s past experience, but for an entry level interview I would likely keep things a lot more general.

        If it was a technology role I might also ask what emerging technologies you were particularly interested in (no wrong answer, but I’d expect you to have an opinion). In most cases, but especially for an entry level role, I’d also expect you to have a few questions for me.

    2. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

      What is a good way to determine *exactly* what is slowing down your computer? My main problem is that I often end up with a high disk queue length? I don’t want to just shove memory in it if that won’t make a significant difference. Is there a way to tell if a specific process is doing a significant amount of I/O? I know I can see it in the performance monitor but sometimes it is only for a moment or two. I have looked into the performance logging but that doesn’t seem to provide much information – but I also may not be using it right.

      My computer is running Windows 10. Unfortunately, it is my home computer and I am at work so I can’t give you specifics at this point in time.

      I have tried defragmenting, running spyware, malware software, etc. but without much luck.

      The fact is I do have a cheap computer and there may not be much that can be done.

      Thanks!

      1. Empty Sky*

        I’ll treat this as an ‘impossible problems’ question. It’s not really my area of expertise, but fixing things that aren’t within your area of expertise fits the brief.

        Some approaches from my toolkit that I might try are:

        – Googling for a solution. Trying this got me as far as performance monitor which it sounds like you have already tried. There are some other tools like process explorer that you could try which will show total I/O rather than just snapshot in time, so you could try that as well.

        – Comparing with a known good configuration. This requires you to get the computer running in a minimal state (uninstalling or disabling as many apps/processes as possible) until you reach the point where the performance issue doesn’t occur. If you reach that point, you can try reenabling things one at a time to see if you can narrow it down that way. If it still shows performance problems even in a stripped-down state, then you’ve at least narrowed down the problem further.

        – Questioning your assumptions and expanding your solution space. Your assumptions are that your problem is being caused by disk i/o; and that one or more specific ‘rogue’ processes are causing the problem. You may have others (we nearly always do). Go through them all and ask: what if this is wrong? You say you are seeing high disk queues. Are you sure that’s abnormal? Could something else be causing the problem, and the disk queues are just a symptom? Maybe it’s not a specific process but something general, e.g. degraded drive performance? That’s a start, but you can spend a lot of time on this exercise (and sometimes have to).

        All of these will take time (some more than others) and you’ll need to decide for yourself whether the potential payoff is worth the effort.

        1. (Mr.) Cajun2core*

          Thank you for your response. I have tried many of these things but I have only found “maybe’s”. I was hoping there was a way to find out definitively what was causing it to run so slowly. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

  328. Vauxhall Prefect*

    I’m pretty good at Excel and happy to answer any questions, but I think that’s covered pretty well above and I’m pretty late to the party. :)

    If somebody is interested in the electricity industry I could answer a bunch of questions related to that, from either retailing or wholesale sides. Only on data and bigger picture industry things though, I’m not an engineer so couldn’t talk about how a particular power plant works at a technical level.

    Also great at talking about roleplaying games or board games if anybody wants board game recommendations or help making a D&D character. :D

  329. sleeklydestination*

    Long time lurker, but this post has gotten me to finally comment! I am really great at meal planning and personal organization. Oh, also vehemently defending strong opinions about fictional characters that no one asked me about haha.

      1. sleeklydestination*

        Well as an example I have very strong opinions about LOST. I always immediately ask people who their favorite character is when I find out they watch the show. There isn’t one right answer but there are some very wrong answers.

    2. Morning Glory*

      I am really good at making meals in advance, but really bad at actually eating the meals I prepared because I get sick of them after 1-2 servings. Any tips on how to do weekly meal prep in a way where you don’t get bored with your food?

      1. Ktelzbeth*

        I rotate stuff in and out of the freezer in single serve portions. That way I can cook, say, 5 portions, eat 2, and exchange the other 3 for two different things from the freezer.

      2. sleeklydestination*

        Sorry – I keep having trouble trying to respond to this thread!

        I second what Kzelbeth said below about utilizing your freezer. It was a total game changer when I started routinely freezing part of my meals each week.

        I would also suggest being strategic about how the meals you plan each week work together. For example, a braised pork shoulder for pulled pork sandwiches on Monday can become the beginnings of a pork ragu on Tuesday. And I also lean heavily on “kitchen-sink” type meals that can use up whatever odds and ends I have hanging around by Friday. Think frittatas, stir fry, a potato hash, etc.

    3. Seeking GTD*

      I want to know more about both meal planning and personal organization.
      1) What’s your meal planning routine? How many hours per week do you spend on it? I’d like to spend zero but I guess I could allow 1-3 hours.
      2) What’s your personal organization system / philosophy?

      1. sleeklydestination*

        Hmmm I would say total I usually spend about 2ish hours meal planning each week. I sometimes spend longer, but I really enjoy the process so that’s mostly by choice.

        My usual routine is to first make a list of all of the things in the fridge/freezer that need to be eaten this week. Then I make a second list of items on sale at the grocery store that I think I’d like to use (I don’t really coupon, so this is just from what is in the weekly circular). After I have my two lists, I start brainstorming & checking my favorite cooking blogs/cookbooks for recipes we can eat that use those ingredients.

        My personal organization system right now is basically a hybrid between Bullet Journaling and GTD. I like the flow of processing tasks in GTD, but I keep it all in a Bullet Journal because I love the endless flexibility. My system evolves a lot depending on what in particular is happening in my life at a given point. I’ve been using this general system for 3+ years now and I’ve really refined it for what works for my specific brain.

  330. Education in Japan*

    I was born in the US but have lived in Japan longterm. I currently work in education. I can help with questions about:
    – Japanese language (and general questions about a non-native but fluent second language learner)
    – Moving to/living in Japan (and in some senses East Asia in general)
    – International schools/education options in Japan (I’ve worked in both public school and international school)

    I don’t know if this is all that helpful to anyone, but if you have any questions, please feel free to hit me up!

    1. fort hiss*

      I don’t have any questions but want to say congrats to you for achieving all that! I’m leaving soon after a long stint as an ALT, and I really admire anyone who can stick it out.

      1. Education in Japan*

        Thank you! That’s very kind of you. I started my career as an ALT, and I do have to say that most jobs in schools that are not ALT positions are, in my opinion, way more rewarding. I work in administration now, and I would never choose to go back to being an ALT, haha.

  331. med stud*

    match-making. considering professional match making services but I want a relationship but I hate online dating. Thoughts? I’m going to be an ob/gyn which is not something all guys are comfortable with.

    1. med stud*

      oops, *services because I want

      and guys are not comfortable because I’m going to be a female physician, not specifically because of my specialty (though obvs would not work if they are anti-choice)

  332. Geillis D*

    I see myself as somewhat of an expert on this.
    Long story short, I had a STEM degree that was unusable after I moved halfway across the world. I tried for aPhD and realized fairly quickly it wasn’t for me. I was in my late 30’s and feeling absolutely useless, while my husband was climbing up the career ladder. So I did an about-face and pursued a CPA designation. I’m 15 years behind on my career and am currently insanely busy, but enjoying my office immensely, have a sense of purpose and know for certain my accounting skills are much better than my housekeeping skills.

    All the best. It’s not easy and I haven’t realized how much breaking-and-putting-yourself-back-together it entails, but so worth it.

  333. MMM*

    I’m late to the party and this is super random, but if anyone starts reading from the bottom up: any suggestions on making oatmeal better? I so badly want to like it because it is a cheap/easy breakfast but I just can’t get past the texture. Basically I think I’d like it if it was somewhere in between oatmeal and granola, without it actually being granola. Also flavor suggestions? If it matters, I’ve only ever tried instant oatmeal, so maybe that’s part of why I don’t like it

    1. CatCat*

      Try using steel cut oats. They have a much better texture. If you like a little crunch to them, you don’t even have to cook them. Just put them in the fridge with water and/or milk overnight. If you like sweet, you can always add stuff like honey, fruit, and cinnamon. But you can also do savory. I like oatmeal with salsa and cheese.

      1. Rosemary7391*

        You can also do the overnight oats with yoghurt or kefir if you want something a bit thicker. I use rolled oats with those. Instant oatmeal is pretty horrible texture wise!

        My current favourite flavour is kefir, almond or peanut butter and dried fruit. Sweeten to taste (I have a sweet tooth).

    3. RB*

      I’m not crazy about oatmeal either but there are a couple things that might help. I use steel-cut oats, which take longer to cook but I cook them at the beginning of the week and reheat each portion when I get to work. I also toast them first: heat a skillet over med-low and toast the grains — with or without melted butter — until they’re just starting to turn color. From that point I cook them the normal stovetop way and I always use milk, never water. I finish them with brown sugar or maple syrup, plus a bit of butter and half and half. Salt too.

    4. Divinggirl*

      Instant oatmeal is horrible! I buy rolled oats and soak them overnight in the fridge in water/milk/juice then microwave just to heat them.

    5. Rusty Shackelford*

      Add something with a better texture, maybe? I like to add pistachios and dried cherries or cranberries to my overnight oats. (Also, try overnight oats? Less slimy to me.)

    6. ExcitedAndTerrified*

      Accidentally posted this not nested earlier…

      Yeah, instant oatmeal is probably a large portion of your problem here. If you’ve got the time to cook in the mornings, actual oatmeal can be pretty good.

      Always use milk, as a couple other folks have mentioned, and steel cut oats when possible. Adding some dried/semi-dried fruit can also do wonders to keep things a little crunchier – most of the fruits will absorb the moisture more easily than the oatmeal. I’ve had good luck with crazins and similar ‘dried’ fruits that aren’t actually completely dehydrated (crazins are a personal favorite, which is why they stick out by name).

      Real maple syrup (grew up with a sugar shack in the backyard, yeah, I can be a snob about it) is a must. If you’ve got some brown sugar in the back of your fridge that’s started to form the really hard clumps, drop a couple fingernail size ones in after taking it off the heat, and let them thicken things up just a bit.

      If you don’t have to go to work, you can also add a small splash of hazelnut liquor.

    7. HannahS*

      Funny coincidence! This past Sunday I cooked a pot of steel cut oats (next time, I’d use slightly less than the recommended amount of water), and each morning this week I’ve scooped out a bowlful, broken it up with my spoon, microwaved it, and added a spoon each of cream and maple syrup. So, you know, that helps make it more palatable. Brown sugar and cinnamon are also classic and good. It’s a better texture than the pastiness of instant, but it’s still best fresh–the trouble is that steel cut oats take about 12 minutes to cook, so they’re hard to make fresh every morning. But yeah, it’s worth giving a try!
      Another option is farro (a.k.a wheat berries). They’re literally just whole wheat kernels that you boil and can use in place of rice. Well, I find the kernels have a nice nutty taste and firm texture, so I sometimes eat them in milk with a bit of cinnamon, like a cross between cold cereal and oatmeal. Maybe that would be more to your taste! You can try it with brown rice, too, if you don’t have access to farro.

    8. Roja*

      I use rolled oats (no instant!), cook them in milk, and add brown sugar, chocolate chips, and maple syrup. It’s pretty dang delicious.

  334. Divinggirl*

    This is a great idea! I’m pretty good at:
    A) creating courses- both for colleges and also taking what I or someone else knows and turning it into a course
    B) Facebook marketing. Not social media management like answering posts (no clue about that) but using ‘big data’ to do targeted marketing (yes like those stories in the news at the moment )
    C) combining a and b. So launching new courses or growing exisiting ones via targeted Facebook campaigns.

    Not sure if any of that is useful to anyone but thought I’d throw it in :-)

  336. ExcitedAndTerrified*

    Yeah, instant oatmeal is probably a large portion of your problem here. If you’ve got the time to cook in the mornings, actual oatmeal can be pretty good.

    Always use milk, as a couple other folks have mentioned, and steel cut oats when possible. Adding some dried/semi-dried fruit can also do wonders to keep things a little crunchier – most of the fruits will absorb the moisture more easily than the oatmeal. I’ve had good luck with crazins and similar ‘dried’ fruits that aren’t actually completely dehydrated (crazins are a personal favorite, which is why they stick out by name).

    Real maple syrup (grew up with a sugar shack in the backyard, yeah, I can be a snob about it) is a must. If you’ve got some brown sugar in the back of your fridge that’s started to form the really hard clumps, drop a couple fingernail size ones in after taking it off the heat, and let them thicken things up just a bit.

    If you don’t have to go to work, you can also add a small splash of hazelnut liquor.

  337. fort hiss*

    Oh, this is fun! I hope I’m not too late.

    I’m good at:
    – Surviving and working in Japan despite barely speaking the language (been doing it for almost 5 years).
    – Getting anime/game merch from Japan at the best possible prices as well as the best possible USPS prices.
    – Trans & queer issues. Ask me about being a non-binary lesbian! I don’t mind.

    1. fort hiss*

      – COOKING I forgot cooking. I’m the master of rice cooker slow cooking at this point.

  338. Not So NewReader*

    Skipping to the bottom because this is unbelievably long here.
    Alison, this is a great idea, can we do this again sometime?

  339. Anon for This*

    I advise private foundations, so I am happy to answer questions about the funding side of philanthropy.

    (Anticipating the first question I usually get, I got my job through a combination of having a background in non-profit work but another area (in my case, law), taking a job that might have been considered beneath me and then waiting patiently until others left, and luck (working in an ancillary department when someone left, which rarely happens.))

  340. Amy*

    Late to this thread, so many of my areas of expertise (makeup, personal finance) have been covered. The only one I’ll add is lifting weights – if you have any questions, feel free to ask! I know most about powerlifting but also dabble in bodybuilding, and I have a special interest in helping folks who are not “typical” gym-goers (e.g. women, older people, etc). I don’t know as much about (olympic) weightlifting/strongman/crossfit but some of those have overlap so you can try me and if not I can probably find a resource for you.

    1. Ktelzbeth*

      I do short triathlons and should do more upper body strength training. The problem is that I have multi-directional instability of the shoulders (basically, the shoulder capsule is stretched out, so they are not held together very well and are loose and sloppy). I cannot put a lot of strain through them in a lot of positions and overhead activities are pretty much out. For another example, I can manage planks, but pushups are usually not good. Burpees are very bad. I’m struggling with how to keep up strength training with only limited things I can do with my arms. I’d appreciate any thoughts you have.

    2. Roja*

      I lift free weights… what’s a good goal for weight in the future? Right now I’m lifting between 10 and 20 depending on the exercise. I’m probably never going to go to an actual gym, so what’s a realistic goal? I’m a mid-20s female who tries to be active in general but weight lifting is for personal satisfaction; I’m not going to put an ridiculous amount of time into it.

    3. Anonymous hedgehog*

      I’d love to try powerlifting but don’t know how to start! (As a small woman who hasn’t lifted before but has recently discovered I love being strong it appeals to me) But I’m worried about hurting my low back if I try without a trainer but don’t know how to find one.

  341. Ktelzbeth*

    I’m looking for a gluten-free, dairy-free cinnamon roll or caramel roll (sticky bun) recipe for a friend’s daughter. I’m gluten-free myself, so your answer may assume a well-appointed GF kitchen and knowledge of how to bake GF. I have a few recipes that cross over DF & GF, but have never made cinnamon or caramel rolls of any kind.

  342. Wintermute*

    Cell phones! Worked for major carriers for years, Samsung “specialist” certified, LG “platinum” certified, Apple certified, Motorola-trained (they have no cert program), AWARD training and testing on 4G LTE and voice over LTE central network technology. If you have questions about cell phones, carriers, customer service, policies, anything, ask away!

    1. Anxa*

      I have a samsung flip phone and about a year or two ago I started having problems receiving text messages. It seems like it’s mostly iPhones whose messages get messed up.

      “Hey, I’ll be leaving work about an hour late tonight. Do you still want me to go grocery shopping?” will become:

      “H e y , I ‘ l l b e l e a v i n g w o”

      I think it’s a problem with the other people’s phones, not mine. It seems that more and more of my friends can’t message me properly every time there’s an iOS update.

  343. Just Write*

    Since I’ve asked, I should offer my expertise as well! I’m a traditionally-trained calligrapher with a deep knowledge of obscurities like handwriting styles throughout the ages, as well as modern scripts. I know a lot about paper, ink, and pens, and the way they interact; also a fair bit about medieval gilding and illumination. It’s not super relevant to most people’s life, but if you’re interested in hiring a calligrapher for whatever reason (wedding? family tree? photo album?) and have questions about the process, or if, say, you’re writing a Regency-era novel and want to know how exactly to prepare a quill pen and what style of handwriting an upper-middle-class single woman would have been taught and what they’d use for ink, I am here to help!

    1. Former art student*

      That’s fascinating! How did you learn about things like handwriting through history?

    2. Gina*

      I would really love to study calligraphy / lettering. Where should I begin?? I follow a bunch of wonderful people on Instagram, but it just makes me feel as if I could never actually do it! Haha. I’m sure the history is fascinating, and I’d love to learn more about it all! If you have any tips for a beginner (like, mega beginner), I’d love to hear them! If there’s a way to follow you on social media, please let me know.

  344. Stinky Socks*

    Can anyone share any expertise on commercial music composing, i.e. for ads, games, apps, t.v., etc?

  345. nep*

    More than 3,000 comments in so I reckon this will go unread — but…What a fabulous idea. Looking forward to reading through this.
    Thanks, Alison.

  346. JV*

    I’m a patent examiner, experience with telecommunications, IT, and medical devices. Yes, that’s an odd mix. You do the cases you get assigned!

    I’ve also got 10 years of IT Infrastructure Management experience, designing and maintaining IT Infrastructure, and 7 years experience of managing techies.

    Oh and I give general advice on computers to people – what to buy, best deals, general IT literacy stuff, but I guess most people on here wouldn’t need it!

  347. Annie Moose*

    This is quite late, but I haven’t seen anybody else bring it up, so…

    Anyone interested in constructed languages/conlangs? It’s been a hobby of mine for… well, technically about 14 years, but seriously for the past six years. I’m involved in several conlanging communities and have discovered a love of linguistics through this hobby. If you’re looking for advice, resources, a reading list, or just want to commiserate over what is wrong with Ubykh vowel allophony, hit me up. (I put a link to one of my conlangs in my name, if you want to check it out!)

    I’m more familiar with creating my own as opposed to well-known conlangs (e.g. Klingon, Tolkien’s Elvish languages, Dothraki…), but I know where to look if you’re interested in learning more about these.

    (some keywords if anyone searches down the page: fictional languages, invented languages)

    1. LizB*

      I’m trying my hand at conlanging for the first time, and I keep hearing about these wonderful communities — any recommendations for where I can find them? Are they on forums, on social media, or elsewhere?

      I think I’ve read enough about how to conlang (I love The Art of Language Invention) that I’ve skipped the baby’s-first-conlang problem where your conlang is just a reskin of English… and gone straight into the baby’s-second-conlang problem where I’ve put in EVERY COOL ELEMENT POSSIBLE. So now I’m trying to pull back a little and stop giving myself a headache with noun cases.

      1. Annie Moose*

        Haha, that does seem to be the usual pattern. First the relex, then the kitchen sink…

        A couple of good sites are the subreddit /r/conlangs and the Conlanger’s Bulletin Board (CBB). Some more hardcore places include the ZBB (Zompist Bulletin Board–if you’ve seen the Language Creation Kit, it’s run by the same guy who wrote that) and the CONLANG-L email mailing list. Both have a ton of great information, but can be somewhat intimidating to get into. (everyone there knows so much!)

        I’m aware of some Facebook groups as well, but I’m not part of them so I don’t have specific ones to guide you to, sorry!

        (links to everything in a post to follow)

  348. Seeking GTD*

    I have been trying, in earnest, to implement Getting Things Done (GTD) for several months. It is painful to implement. It has helped a lot already, due to my sticking with it, but I am still not proficient yet. Is anybody really really good at it?

    My deficient points:
    – I spend too much time processing my inbox and between that and meetings, I don’t do enough “engaging” some days. (So to make up for it, I’ll only engage for a couple days and avoid processing my inbox.)
    – Weekly review. I pretty much don’t do it so I’m always playing catchup. I just can never carve out the time. What day / time do you do your weekly review and any other tips?

  350. plynn*

    Oh, music is hard – it’s so complicated, with so many things to consider – the author of the lyrics, the arrangement, the performance and the recording. There are songs where the lyrics *should* be in the public domain, but quirks of registration have given the copyright to someone who performed a version of it.

    Unfortunately there’s no one-stop shop, although that would be *awesome*. Photographers especially have been working to embed ownership and copyright into digital files and have it immediately accessible to viewers, like a watermark over the image every time it shows up on Google, but we’re not there yet.

    I think you’ll have to train your boss to look at it from the opposite POV – assume that nothing is the public domain unless you can definitely prove that it is. That is a far safer approach and will be correct most of the time. Although there is so much amazing stuff in the public domain, the vast majority of what people assume is the public domain, isn’t. Also “Public Domain” does not mean “publically accessible”. Your boss might be thinking that if you can find it and get a copy, then you’re okay to use it. Feel free to beat this idea out of him.

  351. Library director who doesn't politic well*

    I’m a public library director. Part of my job is creating and maintaining relationships with funders (county commissioners, city council members, etc). My question is, how do you go about striking up relationships with these people you don’t know? I’ve been muddling through this part of my job and I’m pretty embarrassed to even be asking.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      Find points where the library services intersects with their concerns or interests.

      Libraries help distribute information. The county has departments that help the public. You can ask the departments for their brochures to keep available in your library. Ask them what they would like the public to know about, where are they have trouble getting the word out to people? You can let them know if they launch any new programs you would be sure to post it in the library for all to see. This will work into regular contacts because the pet vaccination location list comes out every year, where to get free tax help comes out every year like wise with heating assistance and other programs.

      Ask them if they see ways your library could offer additional help to the community. Throw out some examples of your latest stuff so they can get the general idea of what you are offering to help with.

      For the county level you might be able to team up with other library directors and go to a county meeting just to sit and observe. Don’t be afraid to sit quietly and soak up what others are talking about. If you go with a peer or with someone from your own library the two of you can kick ideas around together.

      It’s really hard to start conversations if we are not fortified with something. Look at the county and local websites, become familiar with them. They will show you were the concerns are, such as the heroin epidemic. If they are talking about grants that would appeal to people in your area you could get copies of the grant apps. Use these little examples to meet people, learn names and start an ongoing conversation about other things later on. It takes time so be patient.

      1. Library director who doesn't politic well*

        Thank you for all that! I do the obvious stuff- the county budget meetings, occasionally speaking to the commission, speaking to rotary, etc, but those closer relationships (for lack of a better word) just haven’t happened.

  352. Joanne*

    Personal: I can speak another language fluently (Mandarin Chinese) and know a lot about their culture, thanks to 10+ years of speaking it at home and school, 12+ years of piano, 5+ years of working with kids on the weekends, and Asian beauty/skincare.

    Professional: Technical writer for the U.S. government at DHS, within the U.S. Coast Guard, writing for research papers, writing for college courses, and St. Elizabeths in Anacostia, in Southeast Washington, D.C.

  353. Senora*

    Is anybody an experienced language-learner? I have a life-long dream of becoming fluent in Spanish, but I have no idea how to go about it as an adult without spending a ton of money on a tutor. I’ve thought of trying Rosetta Stone, but heard that it won’t get you very far. Any suggestions??

    1. Roja*

      Kwiziq, YouTube, Italki are all good places to start; Duolingo if the game style works for you. I’m a grammar person so Rosetta Stone would crash and burn for me. It’s also hugely expensive. Benny the Irish Polyglot has some really good theory stuff on language learning. I’d recommend just starting down the Google rabbit holes and seeing where it gets you–that’s what I did last year starting to learn French and I keep discovering new things. “Best apps/sites for learning Spanish,” that kind of thing. There’s a TON of free material out there.

    2. Kuododi*

      Actually, the Army was using Rosetta Stone for quick language acquisition with soldiers preparing to deploy. This was back when I was working there on contract as a mental health provider. Fraid my skills in Spanish came from years of study and on the job experience.(Both paid and volunteer.). Best wishes!!

  354. Jim*

    Not sure if anyone will make it back to this thread, but I’ve got some good knowledge of software development practices. I’m an okay developer, but I love to discuss agile, scrum, continuous integration, testing automation, requirements gathering, etc!

  355. RealNameHere*

    Jim,

    Have you participated in Agile development? Do you like it? Can you describe it? Also, do you have any resources for testing automation for beginners?

    1. Jim*

      Hey there! Just now checking back – I have quite a bit of agile development experience, in fact, I’ve actually never worked a true waterfall project. It takes away some of the cold process, and leaves you dealing with individuals which, as any AAM reader should know, is full of those difficult conversations. Some of the difficulty that I’ve experienced too, is getting the customer comfortable with providing limited requirements up front, dedicating people to be a product owner, and accepting a MVP.

      To describe it, it is really about sett broad long term direction, very precise short term direction, and letting the rest figure itself out. For example, if I was building a social media site, I might set the broad goal of “Facebook for Cats”. Then I would set small short term goals of “Launch ‘Coming Soon’ page” and “Create database for feline user accounts”. As those get developed and released, I’m watching my customer metrics to decide if I”m doing the right thing. Are cats interested? Do they have the right keyboards to sign up? Do they get distracted by the mouse?

      As we’re building and deploying software, we’re observing customer reaction and adjusting the next set of short term goals to match the feedback. If we realize that the long term goal needs to change, we adjust that as well.

    2. Jim*

      Now for testing automation! There’s two ways to approach this: 1, start small and begin adding some unit tests into your existing codebase. I developed in java, so JUnit. Now I’m managing a PHP shop, so we’re looking at PHPUnit. Create some tests, make them pass. The second approach is to build some functional tests, and my experience there is with selenium. Selenium uses Java to control the cursor and keyboard input, and will launch and control a webpage. This is useful because it gives you something interesting to demo, and replaces expensive manual functional testing.

      For learning, there’s probably tons of resources out there. I’m familiar with Treehouse (teamtreehouse.com) and Udemy. There’s also something to be said for banging your head against the keyboard until you figure it out on your own lol.

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