let’s discuss animals at work

by Alison Green on August 8, 2024

Let’s discuss animals at work! We heard last week about someone who accidentally went to work with a bird on her head, and we’ve heard in the past about someone who couldn’t get to work because of aggressive nesting geese, we’ve fielded some drama about bears, and we’ve of course had myriad stories about dogs at work (peeing, barking, rampaging, attacking, being ridden, and exacting revenge).

So: What run-in’s have you had with animals at work? Please share in the comment section.

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  1. Roscoe da Cat*

    We have constant warnings at the beginning of every season about wildlife, but my favorites are the deer who crashed through an office window and the bear who joined a picnic!

    2. Amber T*

      I love when wildlife joins the party. We had a deer wander onto our back patio when we had an end of summer celebration (jumped a fence to get in, couldn’t figure out how to jump a fence to get out). We’ve had turkeys guard our front door on the weekends and chase anyone who tried to enter. We had a giant frog live in our AC duct and freak out some employees with its croaking. But my favorite are the snakes (yes, snakes plural since this happened multiple times) that fell from the ceiling onto unsuspecting people’s laps.

      4. Sheworkshardforthemoney*

        We have lots of snakes because a particular local snake is on the protected species list so it can’t be harmed. However, walking out your door to see a snake sunning itself on the front deck is startling. They often cross our road to get the the rockface on the other side and snakes do not hurry. Once a snake made it into the womens’ washroom, a brave person coralled it and placed it back outside. That was not me.

      5. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        One of my team members lived out in the boonies and had set up her three season porch to be a home office for most of the year, and her husband had just set up her window fans but he didn’t have the right screws to secure it. He said he’d get them the next time he was in town. So she got to her desk the next morning, sat down, and realized that a six foot black rat snake was wrapped around her computer and staring her in the face.

        Husband came running when she screamed, extracted the snake from her computer into a pillowcase, and dropped it off a half mile away on his way to town to buy the right screws.

        1. I strive to Excel*

          I’m not normally a snake phobic person but if I got presented with a 6-footer you better bet I would have been audible to every dog in a 25-mile radius.

      6. Csethiro Ceredin*

        I like snakes – my earliest memory is holding a snake up and wondering why the other kids were running away – but I don’t know how I’d feel about ANY critter dropping into my lap randomly.

        1. LateRiser*

          I get startled bad enough when my own dog nudges my hand if I didn’t see him coming, a wild animal dropping out of the ceiling seems quite reasonable to be alarmed by!

      7. Jaid*

        I saw a video of an Indian school or company, where this lady came in, reached behind some computers, and pulled out a honkin’ huge snake. Poor thing must have been attracted by the heat of the computers and made itself comfy.
        The gentlemen of the school/company stood very far away, watching, LOL

      8. Ginger Peachy*

        That happened to our secretary! Big ol’ snake fell from a ceiling tile onto her desk and she just casually stood up, swept it into her trash can and walked it outside. I was impressed.

    3. Hanani*

      My organization had a deer jump through a window into a building. It’s unclear if it then charged several people who took refuge in the bathroom, or if the people took refuge in the bathroom preemptively.

      I believe security was able to escort it off the premises. Apparently this behavior was caused by extremely high hormones during mating season.

      1. MigraineMonth*

        A bike shop near me had a “Deer Sale” for merchandise damaged when a deer crashed through the display window, got tangled in an electric bicycle, knocked over a bunch of displays and eventually escaped.

      2. JB*

        Deer in a small space do enough damage by accident (and, frankly, are covered in enough ticks) that I would definitely lock myself in the bathroom if one came through the window, no need for it to charge.

    5. Reluctant Mezzo*

      We had a pair of nesting owls at the rear of our building who laid an egg, but alas, they didn’t make a true nest for it. They were young and stupid, and laid the egg on a horizontal bit of screening. We have cold winters, and the egg didn’t make it.

      1. pandop*

        We have peregrine falcons resting on our ‘signature tower’ at work – there’s a web cam and everything. We had successful chicks this year too :)

        Otherwise, campus has a large, and increasingly tame, rabbit population (dinner for the peregrines?) that also have their own Insta account.

        1. Xwordmama*

          If you mean the web cam in Baltimore, I watched Boh & Barb the entire season. My first time watching peregrine falcons. They are captivating.

  2. Greengirl*

    I interned at a children’s theater company one summer. One of the gigs for this theater was a tour of a kid’s show that went to summer camps and libraries. On one of the gigs I drove the van and a castmember found a kitten outside of a dumpster. The castmember ended up rescuing the kitten who was blind and keeping him.

    1. Snow Globe*

      I worked in a bank that had drive-through lanes. One day a teller saw someone drive into one of the far lanes, opened their door, leaned down, then closed the door and sped off. They had dumped a kitten. One of the other tellers adopted it, so happy ending, but wth is wrong with people?

      1. bookbug71*

        I worked at a public library and someone left a kitten in the overnight book return. Luckily, our staff was full of cat lovers and she was soon adopted. And she grew into a lovely Maine coon cat.

          1. Clisby*

            I cannot understand people who do this. If you’re going to put it in your car and take it somewhere to dump it, why not take it to the local animal shelter?

            1. Random Biter*

              Because shelters (at least the ones here) require money for an owner surrender. Another reason people dump their animals by saying they’re strays or leave them in boxes or tied to a fence at the shelter in the night. Lordy, I hate people some times.

              1. Not Your Sweetheart*

                The rescue where I volunteer does charge for owner surrender, but often waive the fee to make sure the animal isn’t dumped somewhere else. My state also has decent animal cruelty laws (not as good as they could/should be, but better than many states), and abandonment is a finable offence. The shelter has gone after people who dumped their animals on our property. And they’re blacklisted at our shelter and every shelter we have a relationship with.

                1. JB*

                  Every shelter in our area blacklists you for doing a normal voluntary owner surrender, regardless of circumstances, so I am not sure how blacklisting people would discourage animal dumping.

                  Not saying animal dumping is a good thing. But it’s very silly to act as if this is an issue of some people being evil, rather than a systemic problem with the overpopulation of unwanted domesticated animals. Shelter policies will do everything within their power to prevent animals being surrendered to them because they do not have space; that means some people will dump animals.

              2. Clisby*

                I’m not talking about an owner surrender. I mean if I find a stray kitten in my yard, or by the side of the road, I take it to the animal shelter.

                1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

                  The last time I took in a stray they didn’t believe it was a stray.

                2. SJ*

                  We have a feral colony in our neighborhood (trying to TNR but it’s expensive and time consuming) and any time there’s a new batch of kittens and I contact the shelters or rescues they treat that situation the same as an owner surrender. It’s extremely frustrating, I get that they need to charge for the resource they provide but I can’t afford to pay $50+ per stray kitten.

        2. Esmae*

          Also at a public library, someone dumped a kitten in the bushes outside the building. Luckily a patron heard it meowing and we were eventually able to lure it out. The kitten is now a big, fluffy black cat who lives with our shelver.

      4. FLCats*

        Was this in Florida? I worked at a country club in college and one of the members told me she used to do this because so many people brought her abandoned kittens she didn’t know what to do with them.

  3. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

    More a comment on us than on the animals…

    Our office overlooked a ravine in the local hills. One day a bobcat came out of the woods and sat on a rock outside. Needless to say, we were all easily distracted, and nothing got done for about an hour or so.

    1. Middle Aged Lady*

      My office had a resident hawk in a big tree outside the window and we could not stop watching it! Even as it devoured squirrels.

        1. Shinespark*

          A previous job of mine was on the top floor of an office block with windows that ran the full length of the building. The neighbouring block was a floor shorter,so our windows overlooked the neighbour’s roof.

          For a few weeks every year, next door’s rooftop was *the* town hotspot for noisy, aggressively mating seagulls. We’d all get distracted every so often by the avian peepshow going on outside.

          1. SarcasticFringehead*

            There’s an area of our building where some windows overlook a roof, and right now anyone who walks by those windows gets screamed at by protective seagull parents.

          2. goddessoftransitory*

            We have a crow family that nests on our office roof–watching the teen crow yell YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME! at his parents in crow language is a perk of my job!

            1. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

              Remember to be nice to the crows. Crows are extremely intelligent, and they also remember who their friends (and enemies) are.

              If you have any useless shinies, if you can put them out for them, you’ll have new friends who remember you forever.

            2. Part time lab tech*

              I have a great deal of respect for ravens. They’re intelligent and handsome in a plain but glossy way. They judge car speed to maintain a steady swagger across the road. I mean, I’m a human and am not that confident crossing the road.
              I don’t like them or trust them. They steal my eggs and the neighbours thought it was my kids. I watched a pair harass a duck protecting her ducklings until she flew at one. The other ate one and when she turned back, the first grabbed another. (They were behind a fence so we couldn’t help her).

              1. PurpleShark*

                Side note, my daily fun fact was that a flock of ravens is called a conspiracy. I thought that was funny because a flock of crows is a murder.

          3. Blanked on my AAM posting name*

            I used to work in a building that had ridiculous in-built window boxes on the fourth floor windows (how did the architects imagine people were going to plant flowers up there, with windows that were sealed shut?). One year a pair of seagulls decided one of the window boxes was the perfect place to build a nest and raised three fluffy babies. The people in that office got a LOT of visitors that summer!

      2. WOOLFAN*

        Haha, I lost a day to this in grad school. A hawk had killed a pigeon, and we first noticed it when it was probably a very fresh kill, with the hawk standing on top of *something* in the courtyard outside our office. Over the course of the day it first plucked the feathers and then started in on the eating. For a good week or two after the courtyard was strewn with pigeon feathers, and there was a big bloody spot in the grass if you knew where to look.

      3. Orv*

        One year a pair of seagulls built a nest on the ledge right outside my therapist’s window. One day while I was having a session with her, their chick fledged with a heart-stopping ten-story leap to the street below. I remember nothing else about that session.

      4. Tiny Soprano*

        Ohhhh the last time I worked in a highrise we had a resident peregrine falcon! Sometimes he would come and sit on the ledge outside one of the meeting rooms and everyone would quietly pile into the meeting room to stare at him. He was so gorgeous.

      5. Fíriel*

        We just had a cat in the window of the apartment building opposite us and that was still enough to stop work for at least a few minutes per person per day. I don’t know what we would have done with a hawk!

    2. Jess R.*

      If I saw a bobcat, I would also get absolutely no work done from staring at it. That’s so cool!

        1. goddessoftransitory*

          The meme “I’m going to die petting something I shouldn’t” was the most seen I’ve ever felt.

    3. MAC*

      Many moons ago I worked for a state agency and the HQ building backed up against a wooded park and when the deer would wander out onto our grounds, everything came to a screeching halt while we all pressed our noses against the windows.

      1. Tongue Cluckin' Grammarian*

        My current office is set up this way. We have loads of deer, a few groundhogs, and a few foxes that regularly distract our attention when they come into view. Birds include bluebirds, cardinals, and woodpeckers. The woodpeckers in particular think they can get snacks out of our windows.

    6. Tongue Cluckin' Grammarian*

      I would also get zero work done if I could watch a bobcat right outside my office!

    7. MagicEyes*

      I have a tree next to my office window, so occasionally I get treated to screaming squirrels. Sometimes they get in a mood, and they sit there and scream for what feels like a very long time. :-(

      1. MyDogIsCalledBradleyPooper*

        If it was me, I am sure there would be some days I would just scream back at them.

      2. AcademiaNut*

        We recently figure out what the squirrels are actually doing when they make a particular repetitive loud squeaking noise. I was impressed by their agility, and it makes me giggle whenever I hear the noise, because I have a juvenile sense of humour.

    8. Amber T*

      My office window overlooks one tree that gets some random bird activity (we feed some TNR’d cats right below where my office is) and I overlook the roof of a shorter building – once in a while we get turkey vultures who like to have a dance off amongst themselves and the local crows.

      My boss’s office is a corner office so he has windows in two directions, and one side faces a bunch of trees that have branches quite close to the windows. I was standing in his office explaining something, and mid-sentence I stop because I watched a hawk dive after a squirrel and miss. I jokingly asked him how he got any work done because I would just be looking out the window all day.

    9. Magc*

      I used to work on the 7th floor of an office building towards the edge of a large city’s downtown area, and one day as we were about to begin our weekly status meeting someone noticed a large murmuration of starlings visible out the rather large conference room windows. I’d never seen the phenomenon before, and all of us sat silent, entranced by the visual spectacle.

      After about ten minutes, our boss said, “Ok, enough, let’s start the meeting” and I still haven’t really forgiven him for not letting us keep on watching.

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Apparently that twisting, seemingly oracular flight of birds has a name–mesmerance!

    10. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

      I love bobcats! I used to watch them frolic in a field during an internship. Other staff got bored watching them, but I never did.

      I sort of have a daily bobcat visitor to my workplace, though it’s just my Manx cat hanging out on the window shelf in my home office.

      1. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

        I’m sure he THINKS he’s a bobcat… or something even larger!

        I used to have a tabby that thought he was a tiger.

    12. LizW*

      Yes! We had 3 bobcat kits come to visit! We had NO idea where mom was.
      Rabbit population took a hit that year.

    13. Arrietty*

      I work from a library once a week, and one week we all got distracted from a meeting by a parrot flying past.

      1. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

        Speaking of parrots…

        This pirate walks into a bar, and he’s got a HUGE parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Aye, matey, that be really amazin’! Where’d ye be gettin’ it?”

        The parrot says, “SQUAWK! The Carribean!”

    14. Csethiro Ceredin*

      We have a nesting pair of bald eagles in the trees half the offices look out at. During mating season there’s a lot of excited squealing as they do their clutch-each-other-and-plummet thing.

  4. Jane Bingley*

    I did an internship at a small office and on day 2 one of my fellow interns noticed a mouse running through the kitchen. She reported it to our office manager, who called a meeting to explain to us that the mouse was named Stuart Little and he was not to be harmed under any circumstances. We tried to explain that one mouse seen meant a likely colony but she would not be budged. There were many Stuart Littles spotted running around the office over my four months there. I kept my food carefully locked in the fridge.

    1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      !!!!!!!!!!!

      I will tolerate the occasional bug here or there, but I draw a hard line at mice. I have worked in old, inner city buildings for the past ten years and they all have mice. I have gotten really good as the resident mouse catcher. (I am normally the hippie vegetarian animal lover, but when it comes to mice? No.)

        1. Unfortunate Soul*

          I was working late one day and a roach decided that under my heel was a great hiding spot. I can still hear the noise it made when I stood up.

          I had to point out the stain on the carpet to everyone the next day (and, as far as I know, it is still there years later)

    2. commensally*

      Yes, my work is currently home to Algernon and the staff insist that Algernon is a singular lonely individual mouse despite the fact that several Algernons have been caught in traps over the past few months.

      (We allow members of the public to bring food into the building and picnic, despite not having the budget to clean up after members of the public bringing food into the building to picnic, so I don’t know what they expect.)

    3. my cat is prettier than me*

      We had a mouse in the office once, but luckily we haven’t seen any friends of his.

      1. LibraryAnne*

        Oh! That reminds me that we had a mouse in our office because we were having sewer issues and there were a few glue traps down. Well, right when a really packed program was about to let out, I saw the mouse acting strange and flop-jumping right in the exit hallway from the room. I told the children and parents to please stay in the room for a moment, ran around the corner, grabbed a glue trap, ran back and stood where my body was blocking the sight from the programming room as much as possible and plopped the glue trap on top of the mouse. It was acting so strangely, that I wonder if it had been poisoned already. But in any case, I ferried it quickly out to the dumpster before too many children and parents had to see it!

        1. Worldwalker*

          Glue traps are inhumane.

          If you want to kill an animal, kill it quickly and decently, instead of leaving it to die a lingering death of dehydration and starvation.

          1. FricketyFrack*

            Thank you! Glue traps are horrifying. I used to register pesticides (glue traps are considered pesticide devices) and I hated when we got applications for them. There are so many other ways to get rid of pests that aren’t torture.

          2. Keep it Simple*

            Yes. The only thing I use is the old fashioned snap traps. If you can’t kill the animal quickly, then don’t attempt it. Plus secondary rodenticide poisoning is a HUGE problem with decimating the raptor population.

            1. Jasmine*

              Do snap traps kill instantly? I used a glue trap once but as soon as I found a mouse in it I picked the trap and mouse up with a pair of tongs and put it on a plastic bag and squeezed the air out to suffocate it quickly.
              I didn’t have any previous experience so I didn’t know what to do.

          3. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

            Normally, I’d agree and I always use snap traps for that reason, but it sounds like in LibraryAnne’s case, it was a spur of the moment situation (in that particular mouse’s case) and so we should give her the benefit of the doubt. If I had a strange mouse flopping about and it was up to me to catch it….the glue traps (which we have some of, I just don’t use) might be the quickest option. (If the alternative is me beating a mouse to death which UM NO.)

            2. Kay*

              If you can’t kill something humanely then you have no business killing it at all. Torture is simply not okay.

          4. Random Biter*

            So much this! I had a mouse invasion in my home a couple years ago and the rodent control techs were astonished that I wouldn’t allow glue traps OR poisoned bait. I had to not so patiently explain the cruelty of glue traps including trapping insects/birds/other animals in them and that I didn’t plan on poisoning the hawks/owls/ferals that could be eating poisoned mice. I hate snap traps but they’re much preferable to poison and glue traps.

            1. Kay*

              I had a guy want to put snap traps outside. I was staunchly opposed but he said he really couldn’t do it otherwise. I very reluctantly agreed under the condition that anywhere the snap traps were placed there had to be ZERO chance of collateral damage. He assured me this was the case.

              The moment before leaving for a meeting, in a suit, I hear a screaming like nothing I had ever heard before. A bird had been caught in the snap trap, but not killed. I was able to rescue it, it did live, but that guy got an earful and my tolerance level for snap traps has significantly narrowed. Humane or nothing.

              1. Arrietty*

                There sadly isn’t really a humane option for mouse traps. The kind that catch them alive and release them feel kinder, but mice are very territorial and will fight and kill strange mice appearing. House mice won’t survive outside long either.

          5. RC*

            And also, I hope they weren’t the one to potentially have poisoned the mouse, because that nasty stuff moves up the food chain real quick too.

        2. Christine*

          Glue traps should be illegal. That mouse should have been taken to a vet for humane euthanasia (difficult for rodents, but better than a slow death from thirst or suffocation).

        4. JD*

          If I saw a mouse- or any mammal – acting weirdly, my first thought would be rabies.
          I have received multiple PSAs on the 100% fatality rate and how if one sees an animal acting weird, stay away and tell whoever is in charge of wildlife.

    4. dulcinea47*

      Yesterday an email went to all staff in the building, asking for volunteers to come wrangle a mouse in the locker area. I work in a special collections library; there’s not much food around but they will find it.

      1. Worldwalker*

        Years ago, I had the person from the apartment upstairs from me beg for help with what appeared, from her description, to be a rat in her bathroom. I grabbed suitable implements for dealing with a rat and went back upstairs with her. She stood in the doorway to the bathroom and pointed at the tub. I went in and found … a damp, shivering, half-grown deer mouse.

        I scooped the little guy into a jar and just kind of looked at her.

        1. Christine*

          FIRES from chewing wires. I adore rodents and have had many pet rats, but wild ones do need to be kept out of buildings. The only humane method is to fully close up any holes they can enter through, and to keep food sources fully contained.

    6. BigBird*

      We had a back supply room with a refrigerator and I was always upset about its cleanliness. People would cut food on the counter and not clean up the crumbs; leave dirty dishes in there, etc. One day I went in there, screamed, and ran out reporting that I had seen two mice on the counter. I hadn’t, but we are in an urban area and my “sighting” was all it took for people to do a major clean-up of the space and keep it clean thereafter.

    7. Chase*

      We had a mouse once too, but our manager was fine with calling an exterminator to rid of it. Which we did, but not before it decided that its favorite place was under the desk of one of our department heads. It ran over her foot once, and she screamed so loud we could hear it at the client desk out front!

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Apparently that happened at 10 Downing Street also! The place is a notorious mouse nest.

        2. Middle Aged Lady*

          That must be why they have a resident cat. President Obama said he saw one in a Buckingham Palace bedroom—but did not tell Michelle!

    8. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

      The flea market I used to work in (more stories downpage) had a horrible mouse problem. Being an old, run down bowling alley with gaps in the foundation AND a place where some vendors sold thirdhand liquidation sale food, they were bold as hell. And since this was located in the middle of a prairie, we also got plenty of field mice from outside. Hantavirus was a major concern. Part of my job was to set snap traps all over the building after closing and dispose of the mice in the morning. My first day of mice eradication duty, the owner brought in a few gallons of peanut butter and cases of traps, roughly 3,000. I thought this was the full supply. I was wrong. He wanted them all to be set every night. He also wouldn’t pay anyone after closing (which is a whole other thing) but I negotiated down to 300 traps “just to see where to target the problem areas for efficiency.”

      The next morning, all 300 traps were sprung with no mice. The owner then made me set all 3000 traps that evening. It took freaking hours. The next morning, I found about a dozen mice in the area where some vendors sold food but the other 2,988 traps sprung without mice. The owner came in and said that was proof all had to be set every night. I was despairing at the prospect of job hunting or having to work hours without pay.

      Fortunately, the manager (who was amazing for so many reasons) had reviewed the security tapes and showed them to me. In the tapes, I watched the owner, on what I would soon recognize as one of his signature cocaine binges, throwing handfuls of bouncy-balls all over the store, setting off all the traps. He pretended this was entirely normal and said since I passed his test of dedication (!?) I could go back to strategically placing however many traps I thought was appropriate. He then fled the store and we didn’t see him for two weeks. I continued to set a couple dozen snap traps a night in the food vendor areas and caught an alarming number of mice every night.

      4. Beka Cooper*

        I worked in a pet store for 5 years during high school and a gap year after, and we sold pet rats and mice, but ALSO had a huge wild mouse infestation. And there were so many sources of food for them! I had pet rats at the time, but over time my exposure to both my pet rats and the urine and feces of the wild mice that I was constantly cleaning up, I developed an allergy to my rats, and had to stop keeping them as pets. Even when I wore gloves, I’d get hives on my wrists and arms.

        The thing is, mice mark their common routes with dribbles of pee, so every week I’d remove all of the hamster, guinea pig, rodent, bird, etc. food from the shelves to reveal trails of mouse pee and poop along the back of the shelves, with seed from chewed open bags stuck to the pee trails too. There were also pee trails up and down the back walls of the shelves, where the peg board joined together. We just had to keep cleaning and writing off bags of seed every week, over and over.

        Side effects of the wild mice in the store:
        The pest control guy put glue traps inside our “quarantine” room where we kept small & furries and baby birds for a week or however long before we could put them out on the floor. One time he left one out in the open on the floor, and a baby cockatiel I was handfeeding got loose and landed on the glue trap. Luckily didn’t get stuck too badly and we got it off.
        We’d find entire nests of baby mice still alive on glue traps. Our corporate chain pet store had a corporate chain vet located inside it, and the vets and vet techs were kind enough to euthanize any live mice we found on traps. They weren’t always open, though.
        Once when the vet was closed, my coworker and I once freed a mouse who was only stuck to the glue trap by two of its feet. It was attacking us pretty fiercely, so we had to distract it with a bic pen, and then lay down a paper towel when we got it unstuck, because it kept getting itself stuck again.
        One time we had to stay late to “face” all the shelves in anticipation of a visit from a district manager. I pulled a large fish tank canister filter box off the shelf to tidy it because the box was looking pretty shabby…a few mostly-grown baby mice burst out of it onto my feet! The mice had used the filter material to make a nest. We brought the mice outside and released them next to a drainage pond between buildings in our shopping center. I know they probably just ended up back inside, but all of us teenage pet store employees were generally there because we liked animals, so what can you do?
        Oh, and this disgusting one…mice poisoned with d-con (I think it’s called?) get really thirsty. We sometimes found dead mice floating in dirty mop buckets. Which, looking back on it, I don’t understand why mop buckets were left full overnight. That is pretty gross.

        1. Dog momma*

          Mice stink to high heaven. Yrs ago our hospital had a lab. They showed me the room and said they hated working with mice, it stunk awful. Apparently rats are cleaner and don’t smell as bad

      5. FisherCat*

        Absolutely no part of that story in any way prepared me for the next part. You should write the story of this job as a lightly fictionalized novel or screenplay. I’d buy it!

    9. History Nerd*

      I used to work in an office with a mouse problem. I didn’t find out about the mouse problem until they came to my office to move my desk to another office and when they opened the top drawer, found a mouse in it! I had to clean everything out of that whole side of the desk.

    10. goddessoftransitory*

      YIKES.

      I mean, my six year old inner self that wept inconsolably when the mousetraps snapped in our kitchen gets it–I was heartbroken. But Adult Me knows that this is NOT GOOD.

      1. Christine*

        Not true. My cat brought in an uninjured mouse, which escaped into the house. Since babies were not forthcoming, I concluded it was a he-mouse.
        All signs of the little guy disappeared around the time a suspicious bit of red appeared on the bath mat. My cat must have finished the job.

    12. Chidi has a stomach ache*

      Oh, this reminds me: my first year teaching highschool was a COVID year – so it was Sept 2020, and we had started online. The administration decided they wanted to move forward with a retreat day for just the Senior class, since they were getting their class rings in about a week (big deal for private schools). This would be the first on-campus event that year.

      We used our auditorium for the opening of the retreat day. It was only after the first 90 minutes were done and students had split off to different areas of the building that I realized a dead mouse (likely fallen from the rafters/lighting rigs) had been sharing the stage with me the entire time. Thankfully, facilities promptly removed it before we used the auditorium again.

    13. CSRoadWarrior*

      I really don’t know how you managed to go four months there and how all the employees could work there with all those mice. I would be freaked.

    14. Reluctant Mezzo*

      We had a small frog hole up in a corner of our office (cubeland) and I was the only one who was willing to pick it up and take it outside and leave it near water. I washed my hands thoroughly afterwards, but I was brought up around Critters (my dad left the earthworms inside a butter dish and the grasshoppers in a cage, since they go dormant in cold. And yes, my mother finally put her foot down and he got a small fridge in the garage).

  5. H.Regalis*

    I work from home and my apartment is pretty small, so one of my cat’s litterboxes is in my “office.” My cat likes to come in and take a huge dump when I’m working in the morning. There is no ceiling fan and the window doesn’t have a screen so I can only open it about two inches. Fortunately, I’m moving to a bigger place in less than a week.

    1. my cat is prettier than me*

      One of our cats has particularly pungent urine (no medical issues) and likes to go potty in the litter box five feet away from my husband and I when we settle in for our weekly game night. It’s like they know what they’re doing.

    2. londonedit*

      When I was a) freelancing and b) housesharing, my housemate’s cat seemed to take great exception to me working from home. There was a cat flap so she could come and go as she pleased, and a garden for her to do her business in, but without fail she’d go outside in the morning, come in and see me working at the dining table, and go straight to her indoor litter tray for the most disgustingly massive stinky poo you’ve ever seen.

      1. Ultimate Facepalm*

        Ricardo Danger – my North American House Panther – takes what we call ‘man sh!ts’. It’s just unbeleivable.

    3. Worldwalker*

      Possibly consider a window fan? Our bedroom has terrible air circulation, so we have a dual-fan, remote-controlled window fan that can blow either in or out; it cost like $40 at a discount store. With the remote, you can just turn on the fan, on exhaust, and get some relief.

    4. Worldwalker*

      Our bedroom has poor air circulation, so we have a window fan: it can do either intake or exhaust, it’s got two fans, and particularly important for your situation, a remote control. When the cat does its thing, you just grab the remote, switch to “exhaust,” and go back to work.

    5. Elle*

      I swear to god my cat knows what day and what specific time of day I do my 1:1s for all my reports and chooses to use her litter box right before I start. However, I recently splurged on a litter robot and WOW. She can make the most massive kitty deposit she wants mere feet from me and it matters naught- litter robot gets rid of the evidence. For anyone with a petty pooper and the budget for a pricey but effective solution, I highly recommend the litter robot (model 4, specifically, because apparently the previous ones were not very reliable).

    6. Strawberry Snarkcake*

      I had this issue when I first went remote. I found an excellent air purifier that clears the air in about 30 seconds.

    7. MilkweedLowerBackTattoo*

      Ugh, yes. We have a few cats and one of the litterboxes is in my home office (we also have a toddler, so non-child-accessible areas are at a premium. One of our cats is ancient and persnickety, and these days he ONLY uses the litterbox in my office, but he does NOT like it if there is anything visibly already in there (he also does not bury his own waste, so he’s really the architect of his own misery here.) If we are not 100% on the ball cleaning it out instantly when someone uses it, for example because we are asleep, there’s liable to be poops on the rug under my desk when I sign on in the morning. Not to speak of the litter that gets tracked everywhere. I clean it as soon as I find it obviously, but it definitely feeds my imposter syndrome that I look and act professional on screen but my space is secretly a yucky cat business zone. If Only They Knew….!

    8. goddessoftransitory*

      Ahhh, yes…the “present for mommy and daddy!” that Peanut likes to drop at six in the morning in his box in our bedroom. Not the one in the living room.

    9. MigraineMonth*

      I don’t have a separate room for an office, but when I started working from home one of my cats started peeing right behind my office chair. They still do, but at least now they do it in the new litterbox I put there.

      1. ReallyBadPerson*

        Some indoor cats prefer one box for pee and another for poo, and this preference gets more significant with age. We learned this during the toilet rug era.

        1. Bear Expert*

          I live with three cats and not only do they have designated solids and liquids boxes but they socially enforce proper usage. Whenever someone uses the wrong box, which does not happen often, she gets shunned and glared at for hours. There is no acceptable excuse, evidently, for breaking the pattern. Not “the box I wanted to use was occupied/ was used too recently,” not “I needed to both poop and pee, so thought I’d handle both in the same box.”

          But every once in a while, something will happen and a box will be misused, and the other cats react like the offender pissed in the food bowls. It’s hilarious.

    10. Christine*

      Immediately scoop into a bag and dump it elsewhere (mine go outside the door to later go down to the garbage).

    11. ArcticFoxy*

      When I first started working from home during Covid, I had a small apartment so my office was the dining room table. The cat box was nearby. I swear my cat knew whenever I had a meeting and would take a huge smelly dump right as the meeting started. I would spend the whole meeting trying not to visibly gag on camera.

    12. GythaOgden*

      I’m thinking of getting a cat myself — was even looking up on the Battersea website yesterday — but this thread kind of put me off. Then again, if cats can do their business outside, there’s a lot of green space outside the front of the house, and many of the rescues in UK shelters are outdoor cats.

      Honestly though the loneliness of being widowed is getting to me and the smell of the occasional dump might be worth it for the companionship of Mr or Mrs Whiskers (like I’m already planning to call one Chairman Miaow if he’s a boy, given my academic background is in politics).

      Last summer my friend’s dad died and he had to make a hard decision about his dogs, because his disabilities meant that exercising them was becoming too hard on his own. If they’d have been cats I’d have snapped them up in a heartbeat — not only to help the cats but also my friend. Unfortunately, dogs are beyond my ability to cope with as well and his dogs were the classic anklebiters that had mauled books, and I kinda live in my own library. One of them made things less hard by passing away, but even so, they went to a good home and have all the love in the world with my friend’s sister, so happily it worked out.

      1. old curmudgeon*

        Just a side comment about stinky cat-dumps, one of our cats had the most mindbogglingly nasty-smelling poops and gas for several years – he could literally clear the house on a January day when it was 20 below zero. Then we switched him to grain-free food, and it was as if he had a whole different digestive system. It wasn’t roses and lilacs by any means, but he also no longer emitted a foul green miasma creeping through the house sending all and sundry running for fresh air with their eyes streaming.

        Our current two are very meticulous about using their litter boxes and covering their business, and the litter we use is highly effective at stopping odor, plus we only feed grain-free food any more, so we seldom if ever have stink issues.

        So please don’t let the tales here put you off adopting a kitty if your heart leads you in that direction!

  6. The golden typewriter*

    Once I spent over an hour trying to catch a fly with a small clears plastic bowl.
    Readers, I was not successful.

    1. Campalot*

      If you don’t object to killing the fly, there is a battery powered tennis racket on Amazon. You don’t swat at the fly, but if you hold it over where he lands, he will usually fly right int it.

      1. The Man from Chicago*

        I will warn you, as an electric racket owner – they make a big old noise and a big old smell when you do get one

      2. Ultimate Facepalm*

        The best present I ever got my ADHD son was a salt gun. Handed it to him and set him loose on the flies that had gotten in (because neither of my kids were ever stellar at Closing The Door until, like, high school.)
        2 full hours of peace and quiet and no more flies.

      3. Dog momma*

        Those are good for any bug. also the plug in one that will vacuum up a bug esp if its a hornet or roach (shudder)…we have Palmer to bugs in the South. They look like giant roaches but are not related, they are a water bug, also live in the pine trees. They don’t carry disease and prefer to be outside. They will fly in if outside door is open, like when you’re bringing in groceries & your hands are full. If you think you see something fly by, you’ll eventually find it. We treat the garage and 15′ next to the house 3x a yr, I spray the inside yrly ,twice at the most.
        REALLY gate the mill pieces ( too much like worms), but enjoy the skins ,anoles & geckos very much & love dragonflies. They are iridescent blue, green and red.
        I have 2 bird feeders and enjoy that very much too!

    2. Forrest Rhodes*

      Been there, golden typewriter. The hunt becomes a battle of wills, doesn’t it? “I am Mighty Warrior, and this tiny flying object will NOT best me!”

      Any spiders and flies that get into my apartment get one free ride outside—and I tell them that as I’m capturing/releasing them—but if they come back, it’s doomsday. I don’t think any of them have returned … as if I’d be able to recognize a fly I’d met previously … :)

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        We release spiders into the apartment hallway, since indoor spiders apparently don’t like the great outdoors.

        1. Argiope Aurantia*

          Spiders in my house get relocated to some place where I hope the cats won’t see it (behind the toaster if I’m in the kitchen or behind my makeup carousel if I’m in the bathroom). They’re almost always in the kitchen or the bathrooms; I assume it’s for the water.

          I had a wee little jumping spider in the kitchen once, during a particularly dry and hot summer. I put a droplet of water on the counter near it and just about squee’d myself to death when it walked over and took a drink.

          But, yeah, I welcome spiders in my house and in my yard. They eat the bugs that I don’t like. :-)

          1. stratospherica*

            I’ve heard that jumping spiders are very intelligent and even display curiosity towards humans!

            I live in Japan where indoor spiders generally aren’t that big (and the jumping spiders are teeny tiny and very cute) so I usually let them be (though I have a strict no overnight guest rule so if there’s two spiders, one has to go. I’m not in a position where I can look after my roommate’s children, as much as it pains me to put a mother and her kids out on the street!)

          2. LateRiser*

            If spiders leave me alone I’ll leave them alone, but some just will not hold up their end of the bargain!

            Recent spider-crimes include lowering toward my face from the bedroom ceiling and spinning a very impressive web across and entire open doorframe. That gets you evicted, I don’t care if you’re a house spider and will die outside, you can go feed the sparrows.

      2. Nina*

        Flies can usually be removed by darkening the room and making sure the strongest available light source is outside the open window or door. Then just chase it around for a minute or so until it gives up and heads for the light.

        Normal spiders get a free pass in my house because they eat things I don’t want and act as an early warning system for whitetail spiders (when the normal spiders vanish, there’s a whitetail about – these do not get a pass, they get crushed and flushed with extreme prejudice). I do move them out of the sink and into convenient corners, though.

        1. Argiope Aurantia*

          I rescued a moth from what would have been eventual death at the paws of my cats by using that technique.

          Except it was nighttime and the moth was hanging out near a non-opening window through which my driveway light was shining, when I wanted it to go out the back door.

          I turned off all the lights inside the house, grabbed a Mag-Lite flashlight and shined it on the ceiling a few feet away from the moth in the direction of the door, then moved the light little by little as the moth flew closer to it. I got the moth to land on the door frame and I quickly flicked off the flashlight, turned on the back porch light, and cracked the door open. ::swoosh!:: The moth flew right out.

          1. GythaOgden*

            Moths are beautiful and highly underrated. Jethro Tull’s ode to them is a masterpiece of prog rock.

            My husband and I had a butterfly motif at our wedding, but we were only married ~14 months before he was diagnosed with cancer, and it was only two years after that that he succumbed. When he passed away I was obviously devastated, but the first moment that the grief started to subside was when a big butterfly flew in the window and hung on the net curtain for some time.

            To me, when animals behave oddly, it does feel a bit like an omen, but that was actually a nice omen to see. Hasn’t happened since, I might add, even when my garden bushes were in full flower and had butterflies by the handful flitting about. I’ve now razed everything because it was just getting unruly, but yeah, as long as they don’t overstay their welcome, I’m not going to turf creatures out of the house. Unless they’re verminous or venomous and so long as they don’t invade sensitive areas of the house, they have as much right to be here as I do.

      3. Reluctant Mezzo*

        That reminds me of the Night of the Moths–till I found the hole they were getting through to go into the house, they invaded the kitchen and it was Red Wedding time with me killing them. (reader, when I found the hole I plugged it with…crinkled up paper towels. That was enough to stop them, honest).

    3. Ultimate Facepalm*

      My daughter could always catch them. She was literally two years old when she caught her first fly. She would wait until they got on the window screen and tap on it gently until the fly moved where she wanted it and then she would just grab it. Funny how people just come out with their own unique set of skills and talents. It’s not like anyone taught her how to do it.

    4. nnn*

      If you spray them with something like vinegar or windex, they fall to the ground. (I don’t know if this hurts them or just delays them. I also don’t know what happens if you spray them with something else – I discovered this by accident in the middle of cleaning)

      1. Reluctant Mezzo*

        I was told that mouthwash would dissuade the ants from the counter in the bathroom. Um, no, they *loved* it.

    5. GythaOgden*

      How about a pet tarantula? That might solve the problems. (Apparently they can subsist on house flies but need other food to not become dehydrated. Now I know way too much about how tarantulas eat…)

  7. Watry*

    My first job was at a greenhouse, and I mean an actual greenhouse, not just a place that sells plants. I got attacked by a very confused bird, a bunny turned out to be living in our break room, every year at least one bird with babies nested in our ferns, and there were snakes and lizards everywhere. I really enjoyed that job.

    1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      A bunny in the breakroom would be the most adorable thing ever! I hope it became a very fat, beloved member of the crew.

      1. Watry*

        It ran off and we didn’t see it again. It was very early in the season (this was an April-June job for 98% of us) so I expect it freaked out at the sudden increase of people.

    2. Watry*

      Oh, and I just remembered the guy who brought in an entire iguana into my retail job! It sat on his shoulder like a parrot on a pirate.

      Was this against policy? Yes. Did anyone care? Goodness no.

      1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

        This will give me away to my coworkers immediately if they read this blog, but apparently a former employee at my current job has a pet *lemur* and apparently walks around busy parts of the city with it, going into bars and local hot spots with it. He was a weird coworker and when I found out about the lemur, I about fell out of my chair. I’m not even sure how you find a lemur to purchase, let alone decide, “I’m going to take my lemur out for a beer.” (I hope the lemur doesn’t drink alcohol.)

        1. Cherry Sours*

          Wild animal auctions used to be a thing, but stopped in several states, when a man with a small zoo was dealing with depression and financial issues, released the animals, including bears, cougars and such. I did hear that the auction house later had kangaroos, so apparently it’s not a problem if they can kick your a** as long as they can’t devour you.

          1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

            https://www.gq.com/story/terry-thompson-ohio-zoo-massacre-chris-heath-gq-february-2012

            Oh, no, trust me- I know about that particular case. For a long time, Ohio had VERY lax wild animal laws. This is why one time, when I was about 5, I got to see a guy drive into the local whippy dip with a lion in the bed of his truck. Dad decided it was time to go when the next pick up came in with a large dog in the bed and the dog and the lion were not friendly toward one another.

      2. Reluctant Mezzo*

        Still beats the tarantula (in a clear plastic box) one library patron tried to scare me with. :)

  8. Irish Teacher.*

    I teach teenage boys so I have a few.

    Best one is probably the kid who brought his horse to school. From what I heard in the staffroom, he’d been talking about his horse and another student refused to believe he had a horse so of course, to his 13 year old mind, there was an obvious way to win this argument: return to school on horseback after lunch. We were laughing about how the principal probably never thought that “take that horse home right away” was a line she’d ever have to say at work!

    Another day, I was sitting chatting with another staff member when a group of boys went running down the corridor outside the staffroom. The colleague I was talking to went out to check what was going on as did a couple of other teachers and somebody returned and said, “they’ve got a bat!” Yeah, one of the kids had somehow found a bat and was running around the corridors with it in his hands. And yes, it was a bat as in the creature.

    1. Keep it Simple*

      Wow, I bet the kid learned the error of his ways after he had the series of rabies shots.

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Are rabies a thing in Ireland? Seriously, I don’t know. I thought that virus was pretty indigenous to the Americas?

        2. Keep it Simple*

          No, no rabies in the UK or Ireland. I didn’t know that the poster is in Ireland (I never trust user names!)

        3. Lexi Vipond*

          There’s no rabies in the UK, so I assume that also applies to Ireland (since there’s a land border). I don’t think continental Europe is entirely free of it, but maybe it is by now.

        4. KKR*

          You know until I lived in Hawaii for a couple years I had no clue there are parts of the world that don’t have rabies!!

          1. Nina*

            I’m in New Zealand – no rabies here and our border control people work hard to keep it that way. I would have zero qualms about picking up a bat with my bare hands so it’s probably just as well I never saw any when I lived in the US.

            1. Christine*

              Much as I enjoy animals, I would not touch a wild bat. That’s a job for a wildlife expert. In the US, a bat that can be caught is a bat that could very well be rabid.

            3. Tiny Soprano*

              From my limited interactions with microbats finding their way into my house, Australian bats don’t carry rabies per se, but they can carry lyssavirus, which is similar enough to not be worth the distinction.

        5. MigraineMonth*

          I don’t know about Ireland, but rabies is currently global, with the vast majority of reported deaths (95%) occurring in Africa and Asia.

          Unfortunately, rabies is almost always fatal if you don’t get the series of shots after exposure (usually through dog bite), and those shots require refrigeration and aren’t cheap, so it is considered a neglected tropical disease that causes tens of thousands of deaths every year.

          The Americas have had a lot of success combatting it by vaccinating dogs, which is a model could be extended to other parts of the world if we allowed public health money to be spent on animals.

    2. Beka Cooper*

      Oh, you reminded me of my own bat story! I worked at a convention center in college as an event custodian. Basically I was there during any kind of event to keep bathrooms cleaned and stocked, and respond to spills and other requests. Occasionally, bats would get in the open garage doors in convention halls, and make it upstairs closer to the ballrooms where it would be more of a problem for them to be there. One time, we were called in the middle of a wedding or some other kind of formal dinner because there was a bat flying back and forth in the catering hallway. We didn’t really have any special way of getting the bat. I think someone tried using the net we used to scoop trash out of our fountain, but the net material was too widely spaced. We ended up chasing it until it got too tired to fly, then wrapping it up in a towel to bring outside. We succeeded in not letting the bat get into the ballroom!

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        If you want to weep with laughter, read Shirley Jackson’s account of Ninki, her cat, and a bat in her memoir Raising Demons. (Also an earlier encounter with a chipmunk.)

      2. Anne of Green Gables*

        I also have a bat story!

        I was an RA (Resident Advisor) in college. I worked with first-year students. On the first night, so the day all these new students had just moved in, somehow a bat got into the hallway. The students were freaking out a bit, but I got everyone to go into their rooms and close their doors, so the bat was in the hallway with no where else to go. I then called campus security. The dispatcher assured me that she would “send the bat mobile right over.” I don’t know who the dispatcher was, but I applaud her quick wit.

        1. Insufficient Sausage Explainer*

          A bat took up residence in the room of one of the girls in my college at uni. Because bats are a protected species in the UK, she just had to move out of her room until the bat decided to end its sojourn.

      1. La Triviata*

        I went to college with a girl who sometimes talked about riding her horse to high school (in a rural area).

        1. Irish Teacher.*

          I should have mentioned, to make matters worse, we are right in the middle of a major city.

          2. Dog momma*

            Our horse district is in the middle of our small and unfortunately growing town. We have a large horse district and a lot of equestrian events. If you have an acre, you can have a horse. They even have their own crosswalk, signal included, plus signage, to cross A very busy street so people can go riding in the woods.

      2. Coverage Associate*

        I know several people who work at a college where all the students learn to ride and care for horses.

      3. Christine*

        I’m an equestrian, so I would use it as an educational opportunity. Everyone should meet a horse at least once! I wish every child had the chance to do at least one horse camp.

    4. Jay (no, the other one)*

      I used to work in a hospital that was seven stories tall. The patient rooms all had big windows looking out over the countryside. One morning I walked in to a room on the 7th floor and noticed a bat hanging from the building just outside the window. It had clearly been there a while because there was a post-it underneath the animal with an arrow pointing up and the word PHLEBOTOMIST.

      1. Lurky McLurkerson*

        As a med tech that works at a short staffed hospital, I approve of this message! hahahaha

      3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        I cannot spell the word so I call my blood draw techs “vampires” instead :)

    5. goddessoftransitory*

      We once had to capture a bat in our rehearsal space in high school–we took it to the science teacher, who tucked it up in a nice terrarium. Luckily no one got bit or actually touched said bat!

    6. Coverage Associate*

      My lawyer friends from rural areas have stories of counsel and litigants riding horses to court, especially if the litigant’s license was suspended or car repossessed. And these are not “back in the day” stories, but from the last 10 years or so.

    7. Chidi has a stomach ache*

      Bats, man. During grad school I worked as a live-in assistant in an on-campus retreat house — a super old building, tall peaked rafters, in the middle of the woods. It was a bat magnet. I’ve got two stories:

      The first time a bat made it’s way in, we called campus facilities. They sent, for reasons unknown, campus security. The guard waltzed in with a tennis racket, and as the bat flew back an forth down our long hallway, he took several mighty swings until he made contact. The bat was at least stunned (maybe killed?), the guard wrapped him and the racket in an old towel we had available and brought it outside. I had the distinct sense this wasn’t the first time.

      The second time a bat made it’s way in, it unfortunately got stuck in a glue trap that had been left for our mouse problem (again, old building — and also, not my choice!). There was one guy on staff, and he was voluntold to “take care of it,” and I went to help because we were classmates. But I didn’t realize it was a bat on the trap, I thought it was just a weirdly proportioned mouse. It was only when he approached the poor thing in oven mitts and with a shovel that I heard the ear-piercing cry that told me — that’s no mouse. I still hear that cry in my nightmares. My coworker took pity on me and did not need me to stick around for the euthanization.

    8. Ultimate Facepalm*

      My daughter brought out ball python to school 1st grade once. Did not ask anyone – just thought it would be nice for the snake to have a field trip. Put Montie Python into a small clear animal transport carrier and sat the snake down next to her desk. Most unique reason I have had for having to leave work in the middle of the day. The teacher was not impressed at all.

    9. Reluctant Mezzo*

      You can catch a bat in the air with a fishing pole if you bait the hook with fruit (one time we actually caught one and Mom said, no more.

    10. Peanut Hamper*

      I find it so hard to believe that one Irish boy would not believe another Irish boy when he said he had a horse, because…well, it’s Ireland. Horses are kind of a thing there.

      Then I read down below that this is in a big city, so maybe I can understand why the one boy would refuse to believe this. But I can also 100% understand how the other boy had a horse….in a major Irish city. This all makes sense to me. (Also, it’s a very good example of how 13 year olds think!)

      I absolutely love this story!

      2. Irish Teacher.*

        I only got the background story secondhand, so I’m not 100% sure if the other kid truly didn’t believe him or if he was just trying to annoy him by saying he didn’t. But yeah, very typical of 13 year olds.

    11. ArcticFoxy*

      The horse lol. My friend in junior high rode her horse through the McDonald’s drive through. I asked her what they said. She told me the guy just said, “Nice horse.”

  9. Kiv*

    At one job when I was a student, we had a lost parrot fly into the lab! We kept it around, fed it seeds and things. There is a photo of me doing lab work with it sitting on my shoulder- it was very friendly.
    Unfortunately it escaped the day before the owner responded to our online ad looking for them :( Poor little thing, I hope it found another human as there were hawks about.

  10. my cat is prettier than me*

    One day I heard rattling coming from a drawer at my desk. I opened it just in time to see a mouse escape through the back. I saw it multiple times throughout the day, but I was never able to catch it. Eventually I set up a humane trap and put up a sign in the break room that said “Wanted: Alive. Reward $.25” with a picture of a mouse. He got caught in the trap over the weekend and one of my coworkers was able to free him in the field next to our office.

    We also had aggressive geese near our office. We put up these fake plastic coyotes to scare them off. It worked, but they also scared our visitors!

    I also moved a turtle (a red-eared slider) from our parking lot to safety and relocated a dead dove that had ran into our window.

    1. Paint N Drip*

      ugh I JUST had a bird fly into my house and die – it’s neck was at a creeeepy angle and it was covered in ants, blech – the circle of life is gross

    3. Reluctant Mezzo*

      We had a bird fly into our house through the *unlit* pellet stovepipe (there’s a screen there now). It took a laundry basket and a blanket to catch it, and then threw the whole basket etc. out the back door and closed it *very* quickly.

      1. Insufficient Sausage Explainer*

        In a similar situation, we had a small parrot (an Eastern Rosella) fall down our chimney into our boarded-up fireplace. We initially thought the scuffling noise was a rat, so where surprised to find this brightly coloured bird when we eventually plucked up the courage to look behind the board (fortunately not nailed in place). My husband got the net from our fish pond, retrieved the rosella and released it outside. It flew onto the fence and sat there looking a bit dazed, and soon after, another rosella joined it, chattering as if to say, “Man, where’ve you been?”

      2. Mike S*

        My parents would occasionally have squirrels fall down the vent in the kitchen, and not be able to get out because the insides were greasy. They’d put a box under the vent, unscrew the screen, and when the squirrel fell into the box, quickly cover it, take it outside, and release it.

      3. Dog momma*

        I had on go down the chimney to my nonfunctional fireplace. pest control came and removed it.

  11. WeirdChemist*

    Back when my dad worked on a military base, his office got moved from the main building out to a poorly built trailer. At one point, a stray cat got in to their office and had kittens under his desk. She was quite territorial and would freak out if he tried to be at his desk, so he had to move into a conference room for a few weeks until he managed to lure her and the kittens into a closet.

    And yes, he of course brought food/litter/etc and got the base animal control to come out and check everyone over and eventually adopted everyone out! Iirc all the kittens made it :)

    1. WeirdChemist*

      I will also add that once the kittens were old enough to wander, they would play on his desk often. One time he hosted a meeting featuring a very confused senior base leadership, a kitten tumbling around on his keyboard, and my dad politely ignoring the chaos and continuing on with the presentation as if he had no idea why leadership was baffled by it

      2. The Prettiest Curse*

        There is no presentation that could not be improved by the addition of kittens. (Unless someone who’s allergic to cats is attending, that is.)

        1. Meow*

          Since he was at his desk, I’m assuming it was a virtual meeting? So your comment still stands regardless of allergies!

    2. Snake, snake, SNAAAAAAKE*

      I work in emergency department in an Australian hospital. Had a patient with suspected snake envenomation, who promptly pulled out the offending snaking. The good news is it was a carpet python. However, next time can we please not.

      A close contender was a woman kicked by her own horse. Asked what may caused it, the spouse immediately started pouting. He spent the next thirty minutes sitting back to her, pouting and mumbling “of cooooourse it’s not the horse’s fault. It’s neveeeeeeeeeer the horse’s fault.” Yeah I’m not touching that.

      1. Vio*

        I’m fairly sure horses cannot kick forwards or sideways and the first lesson of being anywhere near horses is always “Never, ever stand behind the horse”. So he’s probably right (and probably for the wrong reason) that it isn’t the horses fault

  12. Lemon_it's_Wednesday*

    I worked as a camp counselor at a zoo and did overnights where people could come sleep in the tunnel in the sea lion exhibit. The cleaning crews worked in the early morning before the zoo opened, so there would still be food trash and spills around the area. we had some hungry and clever raccoons who lived on zoo grounds. Several times someone would have to stay up guarding the tunnel entrance with a broom to keep them at bay.

    1. anonymouse*

      I used to work as a zookeeper and before they spoiled the fun by getting raccoon-proof trashcans, we used to get called out to catch raccoons and get them out of trash cans and dumpsters. it was actually kind of exciting and a break from the routine, like a fire drill, so we were kind of sorry when we didn’t have to do it anymore.

    2. Tau*

      Last time I visited the zoo I was amused at the local bird life that had made their home there. During seal feeding time there were like… two or three herons perched around the enclosure, staring at the goings-on just *waiting* for that seal to miss a fish. One of them was so close that the zookeeper had to shoo it away. And I snapped a picture of a penguin and another heron staring at each other in another enclosure.

      I hope there’s no raccoons in the zoo, though – they’re an invasive species over here. :(

      1. Argiope Aurantia*

        I like going to the zoo and seeing common, local wrens, finches, and titmice hanging out in the different “exotic” bird enclosures.

        The enclosures are usually some kind of chain-link fencing material with gaps in the wire that are too small for the zoo birds to get through, but a perfect fit for the smaller local birds. You know they’re like, “Lots of food, plenty of shelter, and no predators in here!”

      2. MigraineMonth*

        One of the Chicago zoos has picnic areas so aggressively patrolled by peacocks that one of my niblings is now afraid of them. Not the kind of wildlife encounter we were hoping for. Shoo. Shoo!

        1. Reluctant Mezzo*

          People have to be careful having picnics on the shore of Klamath Lake–the swans are highly aggressive, greedy, and don’t even say thank you. The pelicans are only interested in people who have fish.

      3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        My bestie and I went to the Woodland Park Zoo and were getting ready to attend a talk by a lion keeper, when one of the lionesses on exhibit casually pounced on a crow and started batting it around like a catnip toy. (The crow very obviously did not survive even the beginning stages of this encounter.) The keeper showed up, saw that everybody was gaga over the lionesses slinging this dead bird around, and commented “Well, I can’t compete with that.” So my friend and I got a private lion talk with much more detail than the usual “lions sleep 20 hours a day and eat meat” basics :)

    3. Fíriel*

      I once went to a zoo on a date and me and my date stared at an enclosure for several minutes before I said ‘it’s weird they have a skunk’ and he said ‘it’s weird they have a raccoon’, and then we both realized a) that we were looking at different animals b) there were two different animals in this (admittedly large) enclosure and c) there were not in fact supposed to be any animals in the enclosure, because the sign said they had been relocated.

  13. amoeba*

    Nothing super exciting – but we did once have to rescue a tiny little baby gecko that had somehow found its way into our lab. It was so small (maybe 1-2 cm?) that the glass method commonly used for insects worked well.

    On another occasion (different lab) somebody left the door from the corridor to the balcony open and a pigeon got inside. Chaos ensued and my labmate was so, so pissed off at the person! I found it hilarious, tbh.

    We also had a different labmate bring an injured (baby? Smallish, anyway) bird to work that they found on their way in. I was pretty worried, but he put it on the balcony and after a while, it had flown off, so probably was fine after all.

    1. amoeba*

      Oooh, and we used to have a technician that had fish and a turtle in the lab! The turtle would hibernate in our storage room, because apparently that had the perfect temperature. So it’d just be there in its box between the chemicals during winter. The technician also frequently went on holiday and made her poor colleague (who was much, much more conscientious, anyway) care for all the animals, as well as her plants, also many.

    2. Charley*

      We find Mediterranean House Geckos all the time at my workplace! Tiny, transparent little guys that like to hang out in bathrooms.

      1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

        Had to Google- they’re adorable! Hopefully you leave them be and they eat all the bugs for you.

      2. Clisby*

        We used to see them at our house here in Charleston, SC. It’s been years, though. My kids were the first to spot them and I didn’t even know what they were talking about until I encountered one outside my bedroom. It looked like a toy.

        1. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

          My office doesn’t have geckos, but alligator lizards hang out in front of our office. I just make sure to say, “Hey, lizard dude!” as I walk by (yes, I do work in Southern California!).

        2. Dog momma*

          I had a teeny tiny on my plant table that I immediately shooed away before the dogs saw it. It didn’t look real. We’re I. the Midlands, horse country.

  14. The golden typewriter*

    And now a question, not a story:
    Our fast casual restaurant only allows service animals (no pets!) to avoid a health violation. However, inevitably, someone will bring in a dog with no service dog markings. The dog is generally quiet and decently behaved. What do I say? I don’t want to offend, but there is a reason that health code exists.

    1. Peanut Hamper*

      Dogs are often seen in restaurants in Europe. If the dog is clean, and well-behaved, I would say nothing. The reason for that health code is not a solid one.

      1. londonedit*

        Pubs are generally dog-friendly here in the UK, but restaurants/fast food places generally only allow guide dogs. Not sure whether it’s a legally mandated health & safety thing or just company policy, but it’s rare to find an actual restaurant that allows dogs, rather than a pub.

        1. Arrietty*

          I’d say it’s 50/50 for cafes, and I’ve been to plenty of restaurants that allow dogs, but not posh ones. The Lounge chain is very dog friendly, it’s a good place to stop on long trips.

        2. ReallyBadPerson*

          We own a small brewery and tap room, and up until last year, we did allow dogs inside. Then one of them, a regular, decided to assist the bartender with the pouring of the beer) so we banned all dogs (except for our perfect one) from the inside. Dogs, horses, and the occasional sheep or goat, are allowed at the outside tables.

      2. But Of Course*

        Yes … dogs in Europe are allergen-free, never ill-behaved, and never, ever poop on the floor.

        I am just always impressed how quickly people decide dogs are more important than other people and should be allowed everywhere.

        1. Pippa K*

          “I think well-behaved dogs should be allowed in restaurants” is a point on which reasonable people might disagree, but it’s hardly the same as saying “dogs are more important than people.” Sheesh.

          1. Peanut Hamper*

            Exactly. I made a point of saying “clean, and well-behaved.”

            People gonna people, I guess, especially on the internet, where it’s so easy to be outraged.

            For what it’s worth, I have terrible allergies and the only way for me to avoid them would be to live in a plastic bubble. I’ve also seen more ill-behaved children in stores and restaurants than I have ill-behaved dogs, and yes, humans have pooped on the floor in public places. The idea that all humans are allergen-free, well-behaved, and never poop on the floor is easily disproved by the many letters that have been posted here.

          2. Oh so annon*

            I wouldn’t put it quite that way, but as someone with dog allergies (and a bit of a fear), it is really disheartening to see how people react to people who need or would like a dog/pet-free space. It really does make you feel small and unimportant when pet owners/fans react strongly to wishing you could enjoy a meal or take a trip to the store without sniffing, sneezing and coughing.
            Plus, clean and well-behaved doesn’t solve my allergies and only sort of helps people with a phobia. It’s kind of like saying my perfume is all-natural and very expensive. That’s fine, but I still have a mother of a migraine.

            1. Pippa K*

              Yes, understandable, that’s why I said “reasonable people might disagree” about the desirable presence of dogs, but I was specifically responding to “But Of Course”’s over the top assertion about thinking “dogs are more important than people.”

          3. But Of Course*

            Really? Well behaved dogs don’t cause allergy reactions or don’t produce fear in people who are afraid of dogs?

            The problem is, you can either prioritize the dog, by ignoring all the people who get their opinions trampled every single time anyone wants to add dogs to a space, or you can create a welcoming space for all people. It is not possible to do both, but it is also not surprising people are defending adding dogs to restaurants because every time this issue comes up, this commentariat demonstrates it’s privilege and self-centeredness by advocating for pet dogs even though that excludes and limits some actual human people from being able to participate in public life.

            I realize it’s weird to think that people-focused spaces should remain people-focused.

            1. Arrietty*

              There are plenty of dog-free places, and almost no shops allow dogs (other than service dogs). It’s not a binary.

              1. Oh so annon*

                This may vary by location. Where I am there’s an interesting trend of bedding, home goods and hardware stores (among others) being pet friendly. I’m not sure why dogs are interested in buying a bed covering or a new screwdriver, but there we are.

            2. Argiope Aurantia*

              People getting mad that there are dogs in a place that allows dogs is like me getting mad that small, screaming, out-of-control children are at Chuck E Cheese.

              Instead of insisting that every single space I want to go to be free of children, I can just… pick places where there won’t be children.

              Same with dogs. There are waaaaayyyyy more non-dog spaces out there than dog spaces.

        2. Head Sheep Counter*

          I mean… if the dog is trained… it will likely have better manners than many people… so I land on well behaved creatures can and should co-exist. Poorly behaved creatures of all species can and should be yeeted.

          1. But Of Course*

            Does behavior override allergies? I wasn’t aware that my partner’s strong dog allergy can be resolved by the dog in a restaurant being a well-behaved dog. I hadn’t known that well-behaved dogs do not produce dander. Obviously, the fault is his for wanting to breathe when other people want yo have their non-service dogs around food.

            1. Pippa K*

              Given the tone here, I don’t really think you’re open to discussing this in good faith, but just in case: if my dog at a pub was triggering someone’s allergy or phobia, I’d take him outside immediately. People can act considerately of others in lots of areas where our needs or preferences might clash – “could you turn that down?” “Would you mind taking the crying baby out until the service is over?” “I’m allergic to peanuts, could we make sure there aren’t any at the club picnic?” People can be jerks, of course, but generally it’s better to rely on our ability to make these small adjustments than to have absolute rules like “No music or peanut butter sandwiches in the park” “No babies in church” etc. People can disagree about how open various public places should be to dogs, but literally no one is saying “dogs are more important than people” or “the presence of dogs is completely and perfectly unproblematic,” come on.

              1. Oh so annon*

                I’m really glad to hear that you would be happy to accommodate someone who had a medical need to avoid dogs! Unfortunately not everyone is so open. I hope you can understand that it’s a bit of a difficult ask to go up to a stranger and interrupt their meal to ask them to remove a close companion. Likewise, although the previous poster used strong language, admitting that you’re not a pet person feels like a huge social faux pas in a lot of spaces (as we can see from this debate and why I’m not using my usual user name). I just wish the pet lovers and the pet avoiders could each have a space without judgement.

            2. Head Sheep Counter*

              Where do allergies stop and living one’s best life begin? Because, if I’m somewhere that allows a given activity and you with your allergy swain in… who’s the one who needs to yield? As for phobias… I actually feel more or less the same. If something is stated as allowed and people take advantage of that… then they aren’t wrong.

              I would suggest you avoid travel outside the US as dogs are everywhere in many popular destinations. In the US – well you can find lots and lots of dog free places to go. Enjoy.

              1. Oh so annon*

                Doesn’t your first statement contradict the second, though? (Ie that they should simply avoid places that have dogs because it’s easy/but it isn’t easy in other places so OP’s partner should just…what?). I can’t speak for my fellow poster, obviously, but I don’t put myself in situations where I know dogs hang out. However, if I’ve made reservations for dinner at a nice restaurant (that didn’t advertise being pet friendly) and I can’t smell/taste my delicious and expensive food because of an allergy attack, I’m going to feel a little miffed. Likewise, if I go to buy towels and I’m on edge the whole time because there are strange dogs (my phobia comes from two instances of being jumped on by “friendly” dogs), it’s hard not to have feelings about that, especially since buying linens is not exactly a thrill for most dogs.
                Long story short, If there were a limited number (like less than 50%) of businesses that allowed non-service dogs, it was clearly advertised and I could just choose an alternative (as could enthusiastic pet people), it would be fine, but when it isn’t it’s very frustrating as a non-dog person.

      3. 2e asteroid*

        If I’m eating in a restaurant, I would prefer that they obey the entire health code and not just the parts of it that they personally believe to be solid.

    2. londonedit*

      I think all you need to say is ‘Sorry, we only allow service dogs’. Do you have a sign on the door? Pretty much every restaurant and shop here has a ‘No dogs except guide dogs’ (or assistance dogs) sign (other sorts of service animals aren’t really a thing here). If someone tries to argue just fall back on the fact that it’s illegal according to the health code. Just don’t let them get away with it.

    3. Jane Bingley*

      Assuming you’re in the US, service dogs are not required to wear specific items or markers. You are permitted to ask if it is a service dog, and if they say no or say that it’s an emotional support dog, you can legally ask them to leave. You can also ask any poorly behaved animal to leave, including service dogs.

      Otherwise, I’d assume it’s a service dog and proceed according to law, permitting the animal to stay.

    4. I'm great at doing stuff*

      Personally I am really not okay with this. First of all, people bringing their “therapy” or “comfort” animals (usually dogs, but often way beyond them) is messing up things for people who actually need a real service dog for blindness, seizures, epilepsy, etc.

      Even the best behaved dogs (and I love dogs) shed, pant, and drool, and hair and salvia do not belong in a space where there is food being made and served in (hopefully) sanitary conditions. And more and more there are the entitled idiots that let their dogs on tables and lick the plates.

      Having dogs outside on a patio or the sidewalk or whatever is fine, but they do NOT belong inside.

      1. zuzu*

        I work in academic law libraries. Several years ago, we had a student who would bring her “service dog” into the library after the professional staff went home, and we would get complaints from other students that the dog would bark and be disruptive. She never seemed to need the dog during the day when the professional librarians were there.

        One day, one of the professional librarians was there later than usual, grading papers from a class, and heard the dog barking. She asked the student to leave, but the student pulled out some papers that looked like they had been printed from a website certifying the dog was a service dog. The librarian said she didn’t care, the dog was disruptive, they had to leave. Student went to the administration complaining about discrimination, the administration told the library to let them handle it and to let her bring the dog to the library and to class.

        Well, she was in my class. And she brought the dog after she got the go-ahead from the administration (she didn’t usually). That just happened to be day that one of my other students had his babysitter fall through and he brought his rather adorable little 3-year-old daughter.

        Did I have any hope of getting through my class that day? Reader, I did not. The kid was beautifully behaved. The dog, however, BARKED AT THE CHILD THE ENTIRE CLASS. He liked kids! And since I was under orders not to kick her out, or even say anything to her about the dog, I couldn’t do anything about it. I was recording the class, though, and I sent the recording off to the dean of students.

        Who had been checking into the whole situation behind the scenes and had discovered that the student had not, in fact, properly registered her dog with the university as a service animal. The university had a fairly strict protocol for service animals, and just waving around a self-certification was not going to cut it. We never saw the dog again.

        Never got an apology, either from the student or the administration, but that was par for the course at that place.

    5. metadata minion*

      Service dogs aren’t required to have a harness/vest, and you are allowed to ask if the dog is a service dog and what task it’s trained to perform. (Assuming you’re in the US) People with service dogs are very used to this and so long as you’re asking in a normal, non-accusatory tone they’re unlikely to be offended.

      1. Beth*

        And if the owners DO react with an attitude, it’s a pretty good sign that the animal is a fake service animal.

        1. CoffeeIsMyFriend*

          one of our students has a service dog so for the dogs safety during Chem lab he wears goggles, lab coat, bootie, and a special spot to sit near their person (this does not interfere with the dogs duties -the lab manager worked with the student to ensure the dog would be safe and still able to perform his service)
          cutest thing you’ve ever seen

        2. SofiaDeo*

          This, so so much. When we moved to a new town, I was astounded by the number of business owners who would comment on how quiet & well behaved my service dog was. Apparently, this city has a huge problem with faux service dogs that jumped, barked, etc. The business owners didn’t know they legally could remove disruptive animals, and were happy to learn this. My trainer said not to take my dog anywhere on the rate occasions he was having an “off” day. And to never bring a dirty animal into a business.

          I agree it’s faux service animal owners who get offended/defensive when asked about their dog. Especially when it’s barking/lunging ar people.

        3. Kara*

          That’s not a safe assumption, sorry. People with disabilities get can get hassled, and there are all-too-many people who start with the assumption that a service dog is fake and get worse from there. Someone who’s had more than their fair share of jerks may well start reacting to everyone with attitude.

      2. Six for the truth over solace in lies*

        My MIL has a guide dog, and she actually likes it when people ask the Two Allowed Questions—because indicates to her that they have at least a passing familiarity with the law.

    6. NoCleverName*

      Markings are not a reliable indicator that a dog is a service animal. There is no lable or marking requirement for service animals. It’s not at all difficult to put a sign or harness on a pet that says “service animal” when they do not fit the definition (linked below).

      The short answer to your question:

      “When it is not obvious what service an animal provides, only limited inquiries are allowed. Staff may ask two questions: (1) is the dog a service animal required because of a disability, and (2) what work or task has the dog been trained to perform. Staff cannot ask about the person’s disability, require medical documentation, require a special identification card or training documentation for the dog, or ask that the dog demonstrate its ability to perform the work or task.”

      https://www.ada.gov/resources/service-animals-2010-requirements/

    7. lizzyboredom*

      I work in the Service Dog industry. And unfortunately its still SUCH a gray area!! Because of ADA, people aren’t required to show you paperwork, the dogs technically don’t even have to wear vests. There are really only two questions you can ask – “Is that a Service Dog?” and “What task does the Service Dog perform?”. It’s an uphill battle because so many people take advantage and buy a Service Dog vest on amazon for their pet….gaining them access even if they have behavioral issues. So in turn, when a highly trained Service Dog and their handler need access sometimes people have a bias toward them from bad past experiences or occassionally a “fake service dog” can attack, or try to attack a true Service Dog, which adds stress onto the handler…over all just a bad situation. In the future we do hope that this gray area becomes clearer but until then…..**SIGH**

      1. Worldwalker*

        It’s not all that hard to spot the difference between a real service dog and some random pet whose owner bought a vest off Amazon. Service dogs are … I can only describe it as focused. That’s why so few candidates actually qualify: it’s a level of intense concentration that dogs don’t generally have. They’re hyper-focused on their job. I can’t describe it, but if you’ve seen it, you’ll know it.

        And that does jack-all for the problem, because even if you know that a dog is just a pet and the owner is lying, you can’t do anything about it.

        1. Clisby*

          Yeah, my husband and I were in a restaurant once where someone across the room had a so-called “service dog.” My husband is a dog lover (I am not) and has owned and trained dogs, so I trust his judgment on this more than my own. That dog was constantly pulling at its leash, trying to wander away from the owners. Fortunately, they at least were not letting it wander freely. I pointed this out to my husband, and he said disgustedly, “There is no way that’s a service dog.”

        2. zuzu*

          Yes; there was a world of difference between the “service dog” that a student had who barked and lunged and was disruptive (most likely her pet she just wanted to bring to school with her) and the actual PTSD service dog another student would bring to school with him. That dog was calm, quiet, paid attention to him (though was a good sport when library patrons wanted to pet her) and had her spot by his feet when he was working.

    8. commensally*

      If you’re in the US:
      1. You ask your supervisor for training and/or guidelines on how to deal with service dogs, because there can be legal issues if you do the wrong thing either way, and you want to be able to say you were following company guidelines, not random Internet advice. (If you don’t trust your supervisor to know the law, print out some Internet legal advice and ask them if your policy is to follow those guidelines, or if there’s anything more you should know.)

      2. However according to my supervisor (and a lot of internet results on service animals) you’re legally allowed to say “this establishment only allows service animals” and ask only these two questions:
      1. Is the animal required because of a disability?
      2. What work or task has the animal been trained to perform?

      If they say yes to the first question and have any answer to the second question, you have to let it be, unless the animal is creating a clearly unsafe situation, in which case you need to come up with an alternate accommodation to provide service (usually it’s something like “please take the animal outside, and we will bring you your items.”)

    9. what was my username??*

      if you are in the states or canada, you don’t need “markings” for a service dog. No requirement to identify the dogs using a vest or whatever, they just typically do to avoid dealing with questions.

    11. Hyaline*

      I’d also ask your manager for specifics on health code in your state and/or local ordinances and/or policies for your restaurant/chain. These can all be different and while I don’t think you’re responsible for, say, educating someone on where they can and cannot take their non-service animal, it’s good information to have so you understand what you’re asking of your customers. If you’re responsible for “avoiding health code violations” you should be trained on what those are, exactly, and what action or inaction on your part could result in one. What are the actual rules regarding health code violations for animals in a restaurant, essentially, especially as service animals do not require markings? Are you SUPPOSED to always ask “is that a service dog”–seems unnecessary otherwise? If you’re worried about health code violations, I’d drill down on what exactly constitutes a violation in your state and/or county and/or municipality and what you as an employee are responsible for.

  15. H.Regalis*

    Another cat story: I worked at a hotel in an extremely rural area where the company provided housing. The manager had a cat who roamed the property. His name was Mouse and his job was to catch mice, which he was very good at. There was no AC (very mild climate and not in the U.S.) so we all kept our windows open and invariably I would wake up to Mouse coming through the window directly across from my bed in the middle of the night as part of doing his cat rounds and he’d scare the crap out of me.

  16. Anon and on and on*

    I was on a mailbox which sometimes fielded general facilities-related concerns for the university I worked at. One day, a student sent in a message about a kitten that had been spotted hanging out under a set of wooden stairs near a busy intersection. I recognized the intersection, it was right next to my building.

    I grabbed my chair throw (the building was freezing in the summer), and enlisted the aid of a colleague who grabbed a lidded cardboard box and we headed out to see if we could corral the kitten. There were two students in the area, so we worked on flushing the kitten out from under the stairs, at which point it promptly took refuge in the thick bushes next to the stairs.

    University pest control rocked up at this point. Soon there were six of us working the kitten problem. This little grey tabby kitten was eventually flushed right into the hands of my coworker, and it was love at first sight. The pest control guy offered to take the kitten off her hands (he had plans to take it home to his wife, nothing nefarious), but my coworker just shook her head.

    Kitten safely ensconced in the box, we headed back to our building. Very little work was accomplished as half the office heard about the successful rescue mission and dropped by for kitten time. Kitten went home with coworker at the end of the day and is now part of her small clowder.

    I prefer to work remotely, but there are occasionally advantages to being in the office.

      1. Anon and on and on*

        It’s a good system. I’ve never benefited from it directly, but have seen it in action more than once.

        1. Don’t make me come over there*

          We once came into our temporary lab near the loading dock and found a pile of poop on the floor. The perpetrator, a scrawny little tabby, eventually came out from under a shelving unit. She purred in my lap until Animal Control got there, and one of my coworkers wound up adopting her from the shelter after a couple of weeks.

        2. Liz the Snackbrarian*

          I haven’t either but my cats are both from shelters–the younger was originally found in a trash can. Glad someone else found her so she could make her way to my home. Nine years later and when she is spoiled rotten.

  17. Peanut Hamper*

    One day someone looked out the window and saw a baby deer sleeping in the grass on the side of our building. It was the cutest little thing, all curled up with not a care in the world.

    As it turns out, mama deer will sometimes find a place to leave their baby while they go out and forage, so it was quite an honor that she thought our side-yard was a safe place.

    1. Beka Cooper*

      I work in a university admin building that is connected to the next building with a little hallway with glass windows on each side. One day, a fawn had gotten scared by groundskeepers and was right up against the glass between the window and a large (maybe 6in diameter?) pipe that went vertically up the side of the building. Since it was summer and the first year really being back since Covid, there weren’t too many people around, but everyone who was there kept checking in on the fawn. Eventually, the mother came looking for her baby, and was pacing nervously on the other side of the landscapers for a while. I don’t remember if the landscapers realized what was going on or not, but finally the mom was reunited with her baby, and I got a short video of the baby nursing.

      Since then, I’ve learned that almost every year we have deer hanging around our admin building and parking their babies here.

      1. An(t)ontemporary*

        I can just imagine the talk in local deer circles:
        “Feel free to drop your fawn off at any time, excellent greenery and the humans stay sufficiently away.”

    2. Magc*

      I WFH and despite living “in town”, we’re close to a greenbelt so we have deer wandering through our small city-lot front yard, nibbling on whatever isn’t fenced off. Sometimes a doe with one or two fawns will show up, and on hot days they’ll curl up in the shade for a while.

  18. Juicebox Hero*

    I used to work at a department store that had a pet section in the basement. Once in a while a bird would get loose. Since a big old cluttered store has tons of places for a bird to hide, everyone would be put on bird alert – if you saw it, let the pet department know. I worked on the second floor so we didn’t usually pay much attention to missing bird alerts.

    One day a cockatiel got loose and they were having a heck of a time finding it. Then someone from my department saw it calmly riding the escalator up to the third floor. We all just kind of stood around watching this bird ride the escalator up and then it hopped off and vanished. It was a couple minutes before anyone got it together enough to call the pet department, because come on, it was a cockatiel riding the escalator.

    I never found out where, or if, they finally tracked it down.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      That same store had an attached parking garage that was full of pigeons. Every corner had pigeon poop and pigeon feathers piled up and cars got spackled constantly. Pigeon nests in the support beams. The occasional dead pigeon laying around.

      Pigeons and their poop carry all sorts of nasty diseases, and the birds themselves often have mites and lice and other creepy crawlies. After I left, the city health department threatened to close down the garage unless they put some hefty bird exclusion measures into place.

  19. soontoberetired*

    I worked with a visually impaired person for a while who went thru 2 service dogs. the first one, as it aged, would take my co-worker to where the dog wanted to go so poor CW would end up at someone’s desk who was known to have treats suitable for dogs at her desk. Or by the big picture windows where the dog wanted to look out. It would also fall asleep in meetings and start having very active dreams.

    The second one would loudly bark if anyone came close to CW if the CW had his back turned. It was fun watching people be so started they dropped things – the dog was uunder CW’s desk so unseen by most people.

    We do get turkeys blocking our roads a lot in the fall. That has backed up traffic. They just don’t move.

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Haha, I love that old service dog, knowing which people will give it treats and wanting to just stare out the window. Not great for its human, of course, but that’s a very endearing fault.

    2. HRneedsAdrink*

      I too worked with a visually impaired person with a service dog. She told everyone that treats and pats were acceptable. So EVERYONE had a biscuit stash. That dog would not only lead her around the entire office getting biscuits, but gained 20 pounds too! We then took turns taking the pup for walks in the afternoons.

      1. Dog momma*

        You aren’t supposed to interact with service dogs or guide dogs when they’re working. HUGE no no.

        and any “service dog” that’s barking, lunging, trying to attack other pets/ people & is a general nuisance; is not trained and not a service dog!

    3. Jay (no, the other one)*

      I worked with a man who had a guide dog, a very sweet and highly competent yellow Lab. One day we were at a presentation in a raked auditorium. My friend, as always, sat on the aisle and the dog settled in next to his chair. The presenters turned the lights down, and the dog fell asleep. We all heard the gentle snores and were amused. Then the dog rolled over in his sleep and fell off the step. He went down two levels before he stopped himself.

      One night I had to call this man about a work question. As we were talking all hell broke lose in the background – dogs barking and what sounded like someone screaming. I said “Is everything OK?” He sighed and said “We have a parrot. When the parrot gets bored she calls the dogs in my wife’s voice, and then they get in the room and my wife isn’t there, and you can hear the chaos.”

        1. goddessoftransitory*

          They can be REALLY possessive, though! Once I had a boss who was dating a guy who had a parrot he’d hand raised from the egg, and that bird DESPISED all other women, human or feathered. Once she called the store and was talking to my coworker, but in a whisper, like she was hiding in a closet.

          “Beth, why are you whispering?” asked my coworker, finally.

          “Because,” said Beth, “I don’t want to wake up THE BIRD.” She said it the way you might say “the velociraptor,” and you could tell she was in deadly earnest about not alerting that bird to her presence.

      2. goddessoftransitory*

        I have a friend who has a visually impaired friend, and her dog is a darling. Once my friend was in a play, and I was seated next to said VI friend in the audience. I asked if she’d brought Dog with her, and she said, no, the dog loved my friend so much that she’d lie there the entire time quivering with longing for pets and attention from him.

        1. Arrietty*

          I used to be involved with a theatre where a regular patron had an assistance dog. They always sat in the front row and casts enjoyed seeing the dog. It did get a bit excited at one particular song in a musical though, to everyone’s amusement!

    4. Paint N Drip*

      Has anyone seen the blind influencer, Molly something? Her guide dog Elton John (amazing dog name, no notes) loves stuffed animals, so he will find them in stores and guide her to them for his own pleasure. He also has recently started guiding her to stores she likes to shop in (even when she is NOT planning to shop there today) – so silly! I love when dogs with jobs are still silly dogs :)

      1. soontoberetired*

        CWs dog had people it really liked at work and if doggie didn’t see certain people in a day, doggie would go find them. CW was amused by this.

  20. MsM*

    Our office sent around a “do not drink the small bowls of liquid left on various countertops; they’re fly traps” email. I don’t know whether it was a precautionary measure or based on an actual incident, and I’m not asking.

  21. LibraryAnne*

    I worked at a library that had automatic motion sensor doors and one day we had a loose dog happily trot into the branch. Several of my coworkers were afraid of dogs, but I love them. I happened to be wearing a longish scarf and I called the dog over with a super happy voice and was able to loop the scarf around its neck and it was very calm about being led back out of the library. It turned out to belong to a house on the same cul-de-sac as the library.

    Another time, a small garter snake got in that same library. I’m also not too afraid of snakes, and I was able to get the snake under a piece of tupperware and then scootch a piece of cardboard under it to get it out of the library into the area of the overflow pond behind the building.

    Somehow, I got the reputation as fearless? Just don’t ask me to kill bugs. I hate the crunch noise too much!

    1. my cat is prettier than me*

      I’m exactly the same way! My coworkers were all surprised I wasn’t scared when a mouse showed up by my desk.

    2. I'm great at doing stuff*

      Same here! I work at a school and two baby turkeys got stuck inside our playground while the mom was outside. Kids and staff gasped and then applauded when I caught and carried them out.

      1. La Triviata*

        A place I worked years ago redecorated and, as part of the redecoration, bought a number of large potted plants (such as ficus trees). Some arrived with tiny lizards in the leaves. There were some exciting moments (such as when a relief receptionist screamed, got on top of the reception desk and refused to come down) but it was a few hours of lizard shenanigans.

    3. Wolf*

      I also work for a library with automatic doors and we’ve also had a dog come inside by himself! It remains my favorite Incident Report I’ve ever gotten at work. The dog’s name was Gambino and this was the conclusion of the report: “While we appreciate Gambino’s enthusiasm for literature, the library is a safe space for humans only, so for his safety and the safety of all [library] customers, we have to recommend that Gambino not return to the library.”

  22. chocolatelab*

    If anyone I know is on here, this is totally going to give me away.
    I babysit my boss’s bearded dragon, once in awhile. She is super chill, completely harmless, and she doesn’t do much. But we’ll trade her off at the office sometimes, and truly, it gives me the greatest delight to see my coworker’s confused, sometimes horrified faces when they walk by my desk and a lizard is sleeping at my feet.

    I have daydreamed about leaving her on *certain* people’s desks.

    1. StarryStarryNight*

      “She is super chill, completely harmless, and she doesn’t do much” – I read this and thought, that’s a weird way to describe your boss :D

    2. Worldwalker*

      My boss (company owner) knows I’m on here. I once asked how he knew it was me — there could be other people with the nick Worldwalker. He replied yes, but he doubted that any other one would be posting about bugs and snakes. He had a point.

      When his new #2 was at her first meeting of my team — video meeting; I’m in another state, and a lot of people WFH — she quickly turned the camera away when a certain shelf came into view. People asked, and it turned out that was where she had her tarantulas. The whole group started asking her about them. We know each other’s cats by name, the layout guy has a large black (needy!) dog, my boss has a huge red-headed centipede (he found it in his house late one night), etc. This is why I love all of them!

    3. Clisby*

      I once stopped at a vendor stall at our local farmers market. The money was handled by what looked to be maybe an 11-12 year old girl, and the cash box was guarded by a large iguana parked on top. When she needed to make change, she’d remove the iguana, make the change, and then put it back. Makes sense to me – I’m not messing with an iguana.

      2. The Prettiest Curse*

        Security iguanas, what a brilliant idea. I think iguanas are really cool, but I wouldn’t want to mess with one!

      3. Dancing Otter*

        When my stepdad was in the army, he kept a snake in the beer cooler. It just slept, because cold, but enough people didn’t understand that part that it was effective security.

  23. 40 Years In the Hole*

    Working at a defence HQ complex (smallish building), with a mix of military and civilian employees – about 600 folks.
    One of the senior officers bred chocolate labs as a side gig. One day she decided to bring in a few of them for “show and tell” and just let them wander about…in HQ (she was …a character). I’m in the ladies’ when suddenly several puppers poke their fuzzy snouts under the stall door. Cute but disconcerting.

    1. canuckian*

      Kinda an opposite event for me. I work in an elementary school, k-5 and we have pre-K (supervised by Early Childhood Educators, not teachers) and those kids rooms are just down from my library (not a great set up). Anyhow, one day I was near my door and I hear puppies making whining noises. I go into the hall and there’s an Educ. Asst. going by and I said “It sounds like puppies.” She agreed and the noise was coming from the pre-K room, so we both kinda popped our heads around the door frame.

      The ECE looked at us questioningly and we were like, “Puppies?” She laughed and said that, no it was one of the kids making noise. I’ve rarely been THAT disappointed. But it sounded exactly like whining puppy.

      The previous year, the pre-K’s were getting ready to go outside and a couple them were pitching fits and screaming and then another child just started….howling. Like a wolf. I decided it was time to close my door….

      1. Anonymous Hedgehog*

        This made me laugh. One of my kids was totally that kid. She got a reputation very early on in her school career for her wolf howls, cat sounds, and — less popular with her teachers — pterodactyl screeches.

    2. goddessoftransitory*

      I am the type of person who will plop on the floor in front of God and everyone and start demanding puppy kisses, so it’s probably for the best I don’t work there!

  24. HomebodyHouseplant*

    the center where my office is located is very popular with the local geese. it’s kind of prone to flooding, there are a lot of bushes and grassy medians, close proximity to a few bodies of water…they love it. personally I enjoy them and they don’t scare me at all. one particular goose decided it liked being on top of cars parked in a particular spot and he was known for being difficult to relocate. I have a view of the parking lot from my desk in our office lobby, and have since become the parking lot goose whisperer. as in, I notice when someone is too scared of the goose and come charging down the stairs dangling my keys and yelling to chase him off of people’s cars. so far he has never attacked me. id like to believe we have an understanding.

  25. WeirdChemist*

    Back in college, my cousin worked at the front/security desk for his dorm building. On day, a frantic resident called down about a wild animal outside, insisting that animal control needed to be called and that the animal seemed dangerous and would probably need to be put down.

    The wild animal? One of those small brown wild bunnies. Needless to say, my cousin decided not to bother animal control with this, and the bunny lived to terrorize residents another day

    1. EvilQueenRegina*

      Was this resident’s name Anya? “There’s nothing we can’t face…except for bunnies!”

    2. Prorata*

      But rabbits can be dangerous….have you not heard of the Rabbit of Caerbannog???

      One must use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to deal with such dangerous beasts.

      “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”

      You are all fortunate to have survived the peril.

    3. DannyG*

      Someone watched Monty Python’s “The Holy Grail” a few too many times. At least they didn’t deploy “The Holy Handgrenade of Antioch”.

  26. Hotdog*

    I’m a veterinarian now so everyday I have animals at work stories (man cats like getting stuck in ceilings), but probably the most relevant story for this thread is back when I was a receptionist for a commercial construction company. One estimator insisted on bringing his dog in every day. After a few incidents in the office (peeing in other people’s cubicles and one bite) the dog was banned. Apparently the guy absolutely refuses to leave the dog at home though, so he started leaving the dog in his car everyday. This led to a daily game of someone in the office noticing and calling animal control to save the pup from the hot car, him seeing animal control pull up, and then him trying to hide the dog on repeat for months

  27. Loodles*

    I’ve recently been interviewing, and this actually happened during one of my interviews, for a professional specialist role:

    The second part of the interview was a role-playing scenario, so I’m in a small office with the person I’ll be replacing – she’s retiring – who’s set the task, and another person on the team with a similar role who’s observing, and there’s two pigeons making a racket. I think they’re outside (it was a really hot day and we’re at the top of an old building with no air conditioning, so windows are all open), and I’m trying to focus on the task. In my head I’m going “ignore the pigeons, ignore the pigeons, OOOOH PIGEONS!, ignore the pigeons!!!!” when the observing member of staff dashes out the room. She comes back in as I’m finishing and apologises, and it turns out the pigeons were trying to get things out of the tea and coffee cabinet just the other side of the door!

    I was offered the role, and gladly accepted, so I consider them a good luck charm!?!?!

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      I love the pigeons on our roof! They regularly strut and preen, but I like it best when they settle down for a sunbath and just kind of–deflate. They sink into puddles and look like Dutch Baby pancakes made of feathers.

  28. Sanibel Island*

    I worked in an office adjacent to a warehouse, and we had a warehouse cat named Gray, and came in and out of the warehouse and office as he pleased. One day it was just Gray and I in the office (my boss at the time was out), and I ordered a lunch that had both ham and chicken in it. Gray sat at my chair like a puppy, just patiently waiting. So I broke off a piece of ham and put it in his dish. He sniffed it, but didn’t eat it. After a few minutes I figured he didn’t like the ham, so I gave him a piece of chicken. This little shit ate the chicken, then sauntered over to his dish and ate the piece of ham. That cat played me! I told my boss and he got a good laugh out of that, and was like, “Sounds about right.”

  29. Gracie*

    I have a cat with a weak stomach and a fondness for finding electrical items to vomit on when the need strikes her. We’ve had to replace a number of remote controls but the worst instance was when she puked on the keyboard of my work laptop one day when I was wfh. I was NOT popular with IT when I had to bring it to them for repair and explain what had happened.

    1. MsM*

      Funniest “I have to go” explanation I’ve ever gotten over the phone was “the cat puked into my video game controller.” (I probably would have found it less funny had it been my controller, but still.)

    2. mreasy*

      My work laptop at my old job started acting up so I dropped it at the Apple Store. The service person called me and said “uh…the whole thing is full of cat hair.” Technically not covered by warranty, but he vacuumed it for me and sent it in anyway! Huge relief. I would love to tell you I keep my cats away from my computer when I work from home now. But…that would be a lie.

      1. AFac*

        One time I visited IT for a computer repair and got regaled about the time they opened up a laptop and found a huge amount of ants inside. They insisted on showing me pictures.

        I am very squeamish about many things, but that picture was pretty much the worst thing that I’d ever seen.

      2. Random Bystander*

        I WFH and I have two cats who really don’t like each other but they both like to be on my work desk.

        So now, it seems the routine is that Cosy (Cosette is her official name–she’s a 9yo dilute tortie with full volume tortitude) will ask to go into my front room. I close the door on her (there is a litterbox in there) and then Pandora (1yo tortie color point with white and longhair) comes out and gets onto my desk and lounges. They’ve given me a micro-desktop which is not much bigger than a paperback novel, and she drapes herself all over that. My keyboard is on a shelf under the desktop, and although you’re supposed to pull that out, I barely do so to protect it from errant cat travels.

        Then, Cosy gets bored in the front room in the middle of the day and asks to come out of the front room and chases Pandora off my desk to take that place for herself.

        At least they have figured out a way to work together while I’m working.

  30. ThatGirl*

    My office is not too far from a forest preserve, and we’ve had wild turkeys roaming the parking lot several times. One year it was October and the VP sent out an email joking about “free Thanksgiving turkey, if you can catch it”.

    We also had quite the gnat infestation last year that was eventually traced to some plants, which ended up being removed.

    1. ThatGirl*

      Oh yes, and we had several cicadas invade this summer and land on people. UGH. We made the intern take them outside :D

  31. KaciHall*

    My office is in a 150 year old building in a small Midwestern downtown. If you have been in one, you’ve been in all of them :)

    Every so often, there will be a mice or bat incursion. Once, a mouse decides to snack on any food we had in our desks (really filing cabinets.) A jar of peanut butter had the label chewed off. A box of cereal or crackers was snacked on. I had little packets of Parmesan cheese and red pepper in my desk. The cheese was completely gone, one side of the packet chewed off. The red pepper packet had one precise bite out of it. (I still have the picture because it’s hilarious to me.)

    The last time we had a bat, the owner, head of IT, and new sales VP (all 3 men in their 50s) trapped it in the owners office. Eventually all three leave work with a covered bucket. They didn’t come back for hours. Turns out sales VP got bitten in the process and had to go to the hospital. It was his first week.

    Both stories are forbidden to be told any time we had new employees. I don’t think they were causing the high turnover we had for awhile, but who knows?

  32. Corky's wife Bonnie*

    One day when I still worked in an office, my friend called me over to see a Doe crouching in the bushes outside of her window. She was concerned she was hurt but knowing a bit about deer I said, “nope, she’s hiding.” Sure enough, the most enormous buck I’ve ever seen comes sniffing around the corner. The Doe was very still, I admired her. Word git around the office so we were all watching, no work was done that day, haha.

  33. Optimus*

    Back when I worked on site, our building was one of many that were located on a wildlife refuge, so there was a lot of undeveloped land. It was not unusual at all to see bobcats, alligators, bald eagles, deer, even coyotes out and about along the edges of the wilder areas. Our building had water on one side and forest behind it, so we had various encounters. But my favorite was one day when I glanced out my office door, and out there in the hall was a small rat snake. It was centered in the doorway with the front of its body lifted up, and it honestly looked like could have been carrying a little clipboard and trying to find Room 1035 because he was here to change a light bulb or something. It was so cute. But I was so surprised to see it, I couldn’t talk! I love snakes but I was so NOT expecting to see one that all I could do was stare at it, which alarmed my officemate, who couldn’t see into the hall! I can’t remember who carried it outside, but no writers or snakes were harmed. :)

  34. Johnny Karate*

    When I worked at a school, we had a mama duck who returned to our courtyard every spring to lay eggs. Once the ducklings got big enough, one of our 5th grade teachers would open the door to the courtyard and encourage them into the building, where the 5th grade students would help gently herd them out of the building. Then they’d nest in some bushes behind the playground until they learned to fly. There was a mini-revolt from the teachers when central admin started planning to demolish the building and replace it with a new one and didn’t have a plan to keep the ducks safe. They’re consulting with local wildlife experts now.

    1. Dark Macadamia*

      My school as a student had this happen! They’d put out a wading pool for the ducklings to learn how to swim and I think they lived in there until they could fly.

    2. The Rafters*

      Reminds me of a time about 1,000 years ago. Mama duck and her babies were in the complex’s pools. Some genius decided they had to go. They eventually managed to catch all of the babies but not mama, who was waddling back & forth, quacking and wringing her wings. Fools who caught the babies thought it would be a good idea to just take the babies wherever, leaving mom behind. As you might imagine, in the meantime, they’d drawn quite a crowd & there were people in their offices watching this spectacle from their office windows. When the crowd realized their genius plan, they were booed & jeered until they scrapped that idea and stayed as long as it took to catch mom too.

  35. Blue Spoon*

    My first job was as a tour guide at an old gold mine. We had a tour-able section of mine tunnels, and there was a little bat that liked to hang out near the exit during the day. It was small, it looked fuzzy (I never touched it for obvious reasons), and since it was asleep during the day, it would leave you alone as long as you left it alone. I always made a point of explaining this to my tours, and typically it worked out just fine as long as no one tried to take a flash photo of it.

    One day, one of my fellow tour guides and I were taking a large field trip group through the mine. We had staggered it–I took half in, then once I’d made it past the first stop, she went in with the other half. This, of course, meant that I made it to the exit first. I gave my briefing on the bat, and we exited the mine with both the bat and my tour group undisturbed. I was taking some extra questions at the exit while we waited for the rest of the group to emerge, when suddenly we heard screaming and a mob of children from the other tour guide’s half of the group came running out.

    What had happened, apparently, was that someone in that group had disturbed the bat and it had started flying around. This spooked the group, so one chunk (mostly children) ran the rest of the way to the exit, while the other chunk (most of the adults, including my coworker) turned around and ran the full way through the mine back to the entrance. I cannot stress enough that the bat was almost right next to the exit (within 20 feet or so, the exit door would be visible), so the decision to go all the way back to the entrance still baffles me.

    1. Blue Spoon*

      There were a whole bunch of other animals there too. Among others, there were three dogs (one stray, two local dogs who didn’t like to stay home) that just hung out on the property all the time, one of the outside areas had a whole bunch of daddy longlegs that I would let crawl on me just for fun, and once a bee got caught in my hair at the beginning of a tour and stayed there the entire time until I was able to shake it out at the exit.

      1. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

        My dad came home from work thinking he had been hearing things all day at work. Questioning his sanity.
        As he took his tie off, he noticed it was thicker in the middle and that was the cause of the noise. He brought the tie outside and opened up the back using a stick…and a bumble bee flew out.

  36. PM by Day, Knitter by Night*

    I went to pick my daughter up at day care one day and, unusually, no one was out on the playground. When I got inside, staff and toddlers alike were glued to windows. There was a surfeit (I had to look this up) of baby skunks playing on the playground. They were the cutest thing I’d ever seen. They were professionally relocated so outdoor play could resume but daughter talked about it for weeks.

    1. WOOLFAN*

      Oh skunks are the cutest! We once had to rescue one from our basement window well. Well, we built a little ramp for it so it could get out without us having to touch it, after researching and learning that even the babies may be capable of spraying. (I choose to believe that it got out and found its mama and lived a long and happy life, not that it was predated upon, which honestly feels more likely.)

      My middle schooler still talks about the time her preschool had to make all the kids go inside for the afternoon because of the giant snapping turtle roaming around the field.

      1. KnittingAtTheBaseballGame*

        I’m in my 40s, and I still remember the day a very pregnant cat visited my preschool’s playground and we all gathered around to watch her give birth to kittens during our afternoon play time. The director spoke to each of our parents as they picked us up that day, to say that the birth occurred too quickly for the teachers to prevent us seeing it!

        1. Nice cup of tea*

          Why would seeing a cat have kittens be considered unsuitable for children? Surely its perfectly natural and educational?

          is this a cultural difference? Rural UK here.

          2. kalli*

            It’s not necessarily unsuitable assuming nothing goes wrong, but it can spark questions that parents of very small children may not want discussed so young, like “how did the kittens get in the cat’s tummy” and then “you’re fat do you have a kitten in your tummy too” etc.

    2. Rara Avis*

      I taught at a school in Florida. We found an alligator in a retention pond one day, and called for officials to remove it. They wouldn’t, because it was too small to require official removal. (Under 5 feet, I think? Plenty big enough to take on a kindergartner.) They called a private removal company and it was relocated.

  37. Why am I covered in dirt?*

    Archaeological site. Every night we covered the excavation area with a tarp to protect it from rain and wildlife. One morning, after an overnight rain, we found a drowned mouse in a puddle on the tarp. We gave that mouse a funeral. We built a little table out of rocks and laid it in state. One guy rolled his own cigarettes so we got some of his loose tobacco and burned on the rock next to the mouse. We put other offerings of leaves and plant bits by it. Afterwards, we buried the mouse in the backdirt pile.

      1. Csethiro Ceredin*

        I was just thinking this.
        (Or you could help one reincarnate in the form of a tortoise)

        1. Insufficient Sausage Explainer*

          AAM continues to have the best comments section on all of God’s green Internet.

    2. MilkweedLowerBackTattoo*

      Not at work, but I’m a former childcare worker who now has my own kid, and we recently had to have a funeral for a bird that crashed into the window. It was so nice not to have to mince around wondering what I’m allowed to say In Front Of The Children, and just go ahead and give the sermon that opens “Nature is full of death, and to love Nature is to love Death”

  38. Kirbysaurus*

    One year, a duck nested in a bush next to the employee entrance of my office. There were signs on the door warning everyone to leave her alone, but she – and her babies, once they hatched – were so quiet, you’d never have known they were there if not for the signs. Then one morning around 8:30, it was time for them to leave and head to a nearby pond. Mama duck and her babies marched across the parking lot while three employees blocked all the traffic and everyone else lined up at the office windows to watch the babies. The head of HR later sent out an email to the whole office announcing the departure of the ducks for anyone who’d missed it. He made sure to include photos of the babies and a shoutout to the people who’d blocked traffic for them.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      I remember one time around here when a mallard hen held up the demolition of a whole department store because she built her nest next to the loading dock. The story made the local news, so of course there was a swarm of idiots trying to get on the site to see, and bother, the nest. The duck eventually abandoned the nest, probably because people wouldn’t leave her and her eggs alone.

      Well done to your place for respecting your duck tenants until they were ready to leave on their own.

  39. Half a Cupcake*

    Got an email once to avoid leaving the building due to the presence of a rabid bobcat in the area. It was a few hours before we got the all-clear.

    Aside from that, it’s mostly just the wild turkeys who like to hang out in the parking lot, nothing very wild. There’s a neighborhood bear, but it tends to stick to the more residential areas where people are less vigilant about keeping their compost bins latched shut.

    1. WOOLFAN*

      We once had a training at work about emergency procedures in general – kind of like a fire drill, but with added info about other types of emergencies, and information we may be given about alternate plans, if the fire drill assembly area was not appropriate for that particular emergency.

      One of the things that came up as a hypothetical or a question was rabid dogs. Like, we obviously can’t assemble outside if the emergency is a rabid dog. But also, what if there is a fire AND a rabid dog?! We were getting a little stir crazy by that point. This was many years ago, and I still occasionally think about rabid dogs as I’m walking to the parking lot every afternoon. (AFAIK, there has never been a rabid dog or other rabid animal incident here.)

      1. Nice cup of tea*

        Death by smoke inhalation is a bigger risk initially.

        In the highly unusual event of a fire with rabid dogs, leave the building and then avoid the dogs by getting in your car or calling for a taxi.

        In the event of being unable to avoid the dog, the following advice from a reputable source (which I have forgotten already because brain fog) may help

        “rabies deaths are preventable with prompt post exposure prophylaxis (PEP) by stopping the virus from reaching the central nervous system. PEP consists of thorough wound washing, administration of a course of human rabies vaccine and, when indicated, rabies immunoglobulins (RIG). ”

        Personally I reccomend living on an island and eliminating rabies.

        It also sounds very stressful and I recommend a nice cup of tea and biscuits once its all calmed down.

  40. FricketyFrack*

    I used to work for the Department of Agriculture in my state, and I volunteered to staff our pavilion at the state fair a few times, which most people didn’t want to do but I loved. We’d always have a litter of either puppies or kittens that would be available for adoption after the fair ended, and we were allowed to go in the enclosure and pet them when we weren’t busy. We also had alpacas, pigs, goats, cows, and horses. I petted all of them except the piglets, after one did its best to eat one of my fingers and would’ve succeeded if my reaction had been slower. I now have a healthy respect for pig teeth.

    We also had bats outside of my office the other day, sleeping directly above our main entrance. That was the day I found out how many of my coworkers didn’t know how serious rabies is. The bats were VERY cute though.

  41. Hotdog not dog*

    In a previous life I was an executive assistant. We had a client who ALWAYS brought his golden retriever to meetings with my boss. She was not a therapy or service dog of any sort, just a regular Good Girl. He would leave her with me, and expected that I would walk her and dole out treats, belly rubs, and fresh water as needed while he and my boss Did Business. Best part of that job!

  42. Native Floridian*

    My last job was on a college campus. At one point, a hawk decided to nest near the entrance of the Biology department. Which was neat for a bit, but it quickly became an issue in that said hawks were territorial/quite protective of said nest and young. It wasn’t long before that entrance was blocked off (there were other entrances) and emails went out suggesting carrying umbrellas and avoiding the taped area, which kept growing.

    Thing is, the birds couldn’t just be removed. It was a protected species. Authorities were consulted, and there was a very high bar to be met before they would send a professional to move the birds (and dire penalties should anyone else attempt to do so).

    That bar was finally met when the birds started crossing the street to attack passersby (~200 ft radius). The birds were removed, and I was sad to see the end of the most amusing series of security alert mails I ever got in my inbox.

    1. Beth*

      We had a problem at one of my old jobs with a family of crows that had decided they did NOT like my boss. He got dive-bombed regularly if he tried to use one particular entrance/exit for our building. He had to go out through a different door during nesting season.

  43. Llama Librarian*

    I worked at a large, urban public library with a lot of children’s programming, and one summer we had a “Read with a Llama” event. The children’s department was on the third floor, so the llama and her handler took the elevator up. Every single one of us in the nearby admin office dropped everything we were doing to run to the elevator doors when they opened, just to bear witness to the amazing event of a llama riding in the elevator.

  44. dulcinea47*

    Did you know that if you tear down an old dorm whose roof is full of bats, the bats looking for new homes will come into other buildings on campus? Pretty much everyone I know who works here reported bat invasions in the next week or two.

  45. purple squirrel*

    Changing username to avoid outing myself…

    1. Way back when, I did desktop publishing and wound up working at a family-run printing business. The owner’s DIL bred Dalmatians; while her kennels were being renovated she brought her dogs to the office. So beautiful, so twitchy and so dumb. The oldest was a growler but after I shared my lunch with him, we were friends.

    2. My current company has an internal version of Reddit, for lack of a better description. The “dank memes” forum has an honored mascot named Henry. He was a dead cockroach that was sitting in a stairwell for weeks on end. Someone made him a little cardboard desk and badge, then posted photographs to the forum: Henry, Stair Sentinel. Eventually a manager caught wind of this and had facilities clean the stairwell, but the legend of Henry continues. He has a successor now, Henrietta, who is monitoring another stairwell with her desk and badge.

  46. Beth*

    I’ve commented here occasionally about being a severe canophobe, usually asking for respect for my fellow sufferers.

    Today, I’d like to share a story about the Canophobe, the Dog at Work, and the Happy Ending.

    My phobia started with being mauled by a dog when I was 8. I’ve fought it since then — not because I think it’s wrong to have a phobia, but because it makes me miserable. I’ve have periods of intense suffering and periods of remission.

    I was in an upswing some years ago. Everyone else in my office has dogs, loves dogs, and sometimes wanted to bring their dogs to the office. Once it was learned that I was phobic, I was treated with deep compassion and consideration, which has always helped me cope better. But I was still very twitchy.

    I get in very early in the mornings, and spend a few minutes walking briskily up and down the corridor to get some exercise before I sit down at the computer. One morning, I turned the corner in the hallway and found myself two feet away from a dog I hadn’t known was there. The dog was part of a therapy office on our floor, and was only a few feet ahead of its handler, but all I could see in the moment was DOG.

    Gentle readers, my phobia flared up and I cowered against the wall, sobbing. The handler called the dog to her, checked to see if I was, well, not okay, but hurt or in need of help. I stammered out my apologies, and she was compassionate and concerned. The dog looked at me with confusion and worry — Human was Not Doing Well, and the dog was trained as a therapy dog, which meant it didn’t act unless told what to do.

    After I got back to my office (unscathed), I was able to realize that I was ok. The dog had done nothing except be confused at my unusual behavior.

    About a week later, I was in the public elevator, about to leave for the day, and the dog and her handler came up to the elevator — they saw me, and the handler checked and said “We can wait — you go ahead.” I plucked up the courage to tell them to join me, and I was introduced to the dog, whose name is Lucy.

    Since then, I’ve enjoyed a long period of remission, and I still encounter Lucy in the hallway every so often. I made sure I told the handler that Lucy’s splendid behavior, and the handler’s compassion and understanding, helped me go into remission.

    I’m so grateful to both of them.

    1. Watry*

      I’m so glad your coworkers were considerate of your phobia! I often don’t even feel comfortable admitting I used to be afraid and am still not a dog person.

      1. Beth*

        They basically set me up for success. A huge part of it is rooted in trust — the dog that originally mauled me was a Beloved Family Pet, and the family had done nothing to control it or get it off me, so I can only get the phobia under control if I can get myself into a state of trusting both the dog(s) and the people involved. That can be difficult, especially if I’m startled.

        1. Nice cup of tea*

          Lucy is a good girl.

          Some dogs are lovely and do care if human is upset.

          So impressed that you were brave.

    3. Syzygy*

      That is a lovely story! Thanks for sharing. I hope that your remission continues for a long, long time!

    4. Elsewise*

      I’m so glad you had that good experience!

      My partner tells a story of a college classmate who had a psychiatric service dog for PTSD. The dog was obviously primarily focused on her, but because it was a small college and often full of stressed-out students, she would sometimes “loan” it out to others as a therapy dog (mostly just for pets and cuddles when someone was stressed.) The dog had a specific command for going off-duty and wouldn’t approach another person without that command.

      From the dog’s point of view, this is great! Sometimes Human tells me to go do what I want, and what I want to do is make Humans feel better, so I cuddle any Stressed Human who needs me! Good dog! And then another Stressed Human walks into the room and becomes more Stressed, so I go to cuddle! But Stress keeps happening? What is problem?

      (Once they all figured out what was happening, the handler stopped letting her dog go off-duty when the phobic student might be in the vicinity. The dog was apparently Very Upset that it wasn’t allowed to cuddle this human because human is upset!! Must fix!!!, but everyone else was able to coexist peacefully.)

    5. goddessoftransitory*

      That is such a sweet story!

      I have a coworker who’s phobic about dogs, and if the office staff (in another part of the building) bring in their dogs, they double check that Coworker isn’t there. If I hear a bark I go out to make sure the doors between our two parts of the building are shut.

  47. Mags*

    We had a mouse problem at my last job. Honestly, it wasn’t very bothersome until they started hoarding food for the winter. One of my coworkers had a big bag of nuts in the bottom drawer of his desk that the mice got into then squirreled away into every place possible. For YEARS after we got rid of the mice, we would lift up a box or a pair of shoes only for almonds and cashews to rainfall out. The worst was the copier: just imagine how many calls it took to make the rep on the phone understand that we needed a new machine because the old one kept jamming and spitting out nuts!

  48. Princess Peach*

    This was back in my student days, but it was the workplace for some. It was the first day of my sophomore / second year of high school. I saw a dog running near the campus on the way in, but I didn’t think anything of it. My first class was with a teacher I’d had the year prior, so I knew her and the classroom location. My best friend was in the same class.

    I headed to the classroom and picked a desk, and my friend showed up shortly after. It was just the two of us, maybe 20 minutes before the day was set to begin. Knowing both of us, the teacher stepped out, but left the door open.

    Maybe 30 seconds later, the dog I’d seen before came bounding into the classroom. It was on the first floor near an exterior door, so the dog hadn’t gotten far. He was young and positively delighted to be there – a pit bull type maybe eight or nine months old. I’d grown up with dogs, and my friend is now a veterinarian, so of course, we were overjoyed. A puppy! What a way to start the school year! We immediately got down on the floor to play with him.

    A security guard came bounding in shortly after, slammed the door, and called on his radio, “I have the dog contained!” Then he looked at the two 15 year old girls playing with it on the floor and added, “Uh, well, it’s apparently not vicious, so we’re okay there.”

    Our math teacher came back to find animal control barring anyone else from entering the room, so it’s probably less of a fond memory for her. They got a leash and took the dog away before too many more people showed up, so it wasn’t overly disruptive. He lived in the neighborhood and was safety returned home. Best first day of school I ever had though!

    1. KPat*

      Oh man, this could almost have been my childhood dog. She could climb the fence while she was young, and did once absolutely let herself into the school down the block.
      She was more of a collie-leaning mutt than pit bull type, though. And animal control insisted on taking her to the pound even though the neighborhood mailman had just gotten there and offered to give her a ride home (he had given her a ride before).
      So our mailman let us know where she was, we had to go spring her from doggy jail, and she was *very contrite.*

  49. mice_arent_green*

    Found a little lizard running around the office, took him outside and set him free in the shrubbery. To this day the admin refers to it as “that mouse you caught.”

  50. LaterGator*

    I found a big turd behind my desk. Everyone came to see it. We all hoped it was from a dog.

  51. stifled creativity*

    Oh geez I’ve got two. I came to work one morning to find a deer had given birth in our dirt parking lot. Two tiny trembling baby fawns were just chilling there trying to blend in with the dirt. A concerned coworker and myself created a protective circle around the fawns with cars and folding chairs to prevent other cars from accidentally running them over. Another coworker saw the circle of cars and chairs and did not see the fawns, and just assumed we were “harnessing the healing power of a circle”. (Yes, it was an office full of hippies.) The fawns were just fine, they were able to walk away after a couple of hours and we spent the rest of the summer watching them grow and each the bushes around the building. This was not in the country somewhere, it was in the middle of a smallish city. Wild.

    My husband used to work in a big box retail store right by a large river. One year a pair of endangered birds of prey made a big messy nest in the top stock of their store. Fish and Game showed up, taped off that aisle, and told the employees that since these birds are nesting pairs that return every year they were not allowed to disturb that area, not only during nesting season, but until the birds have not returned for 5 years! He hasn’t worked at that particular location for over 15 years now, but last he heard, the bird nest remains.

  52. Be Gneiss*

    I used to work at canning plant that was adjacent to a wetland in a rural area. We had a pretty robust pest control program that did a great job keeping out rodents, birds, and insects. However, when the baby turtles hatched and the frogs achieved their final froggy form, we would find them on the gravel access path behind the building. For some inexplicable reason, this caused some employees to abandon every shred of common sense. Each year I had to post notices explaining that it was illegal, unsanitary, and cruel to collect frogs or baby turtles outside the plant, and that under no circumstances could you “just keep a baby turtle IN YOUR LOCKER until you went home for the day!”

  53. Prorata*

    Most recent job had several people who would bring their dogs to work.

    Also, there were groundhogs, grey squirrels, and ground squirrels which would come up to my window and look in….I think they knew I had snacks and wanted some!! Also, lots of birds.

    Finally, pulling into the parking lot one morning, a coyote wanders across the lot toward the woods beside the building. No, it was not carrying an anvil, birdseed, nor dynamite, and it was not on roller-skates.

  54. Juicebox Hero*

    My mother spent most of her last year in a care facility. One day I went to visit and everyone at the nurses’ station was just about screaming and jumping up on the desk… because there was a spider on the floor. The rest were frantically googling black widow and brown recluse spiders on their phones.

    Spiders don’t bother me at all (though I will actually run screaming from bees, wasps, and other stingy things) so I looked and it was a small garden spider (they demanded to know how I knew) and I offered to get rid of it for them. They looked at me like I’d offered to stick my head in an alligator’s mouth. They gave me a cup and I flicked the spider in with my finger. Some of them screamed. Then I put my hand over the top to keep it in. More screams and people saying it was going to bite me. Then I had to wait for one of them to buzz me out the front door where I dumped it in the bushes, and had to wait for someone to buzz me back in. I got a hero’s welcome when I got back to the station.

    The strangest part was that they all assumed I was an employee of the facility and I had to tell them that no, I was just a dutiful daughter and spider relocater.

    1. MCL*

      Aw, thanks for doing that. I admit spiders startle me when they come out of nowhere, but they are good to have around and I normally let them hang. I did a similar thing with a mud dauber wasp earlier this summer that had gotten inside. Just put a cup over it and let it back outside on its merry way. Mud daubers are scary looking but not all that aggressive.

      1. Worldwalker*

        I once opened a drawer in my house and found an enormous (2″-3″ leg span) Southern House Spider looking back at me. I said some unprintable things, then got a jar. I kept her as a pet (easy to tell the sex: they’re very dimorphic) for over a year. There are actually quite a few of them in my house — I prefer them to the things they eat, and this house is 75 years old and critter-permeable, so I have to pick one — but usually behind the furniture, not in the drawers.

      2. Argiope Aurantia*

        I let wasps build nests up under my eaves so long as they stay away from the doors (I knock the nests down early in the building process if they’re over or near a door; easy to take care of when there are only 1 or 2 wasps and they’re out feeding or foraging for nest-building material).

        But, still, every now and then one will find its way inside my house.

        I use a clamshell mesh bra washer on the end of a granny picker to capture them (they’re usually buzzing near the ceiling) and then release them back outside.

    2. Dog momma*

      I took one of my retired dogs for a NH visit one Saturday. I’d been there several times and the residents loved it. One of the aides came into the room, screamed and literally jumped into the air with both feet like you see in a cartoon.. Dagwood comes to mind. Then ran out screaming. Didn’t think that was physically possible. Dog stood there quietly & we continued our visit. We stopped going shortly after.

  55. pally*

    My work is located in a business park. The whole park is quite deserted on weekends.

    Many a Monday morning we’d find a pile of junk piled up next to our dumpster bin. Discarded household items, clothes, empty boxes, leftovers from yard sales, etc. were the usual fare.
    This dumping activity evolved into finding small and later, large appliances abandoned by the dumpster.

    One Monday morning after a long weekend, we found two metal cages stacked side by side. Inside were two of the largest rabbits I’d ever seen. One was an albino with big red eyes. Clearly the cages were too small for them. No food, no water. Just the bunnies and the cages.

    No telling how long they were out there exposed to the elements and the local coyotes. 2 days? 3 days? We immediately got them indoors and brought them water. I don’t know if they drank any. They didn’t look injured in any way. Thank goodness!

    Someone volunteered to bring them to a rabbit shelter.

    As time went on, more cages were left. They were empty when we found them. I prefer to think they were left empty.

  56. MCL*

    My office is next to a lake and we get a view of the accompanying aquatic and semi-aquatic critters from the windows. One day I noticed a fairly distressed looking female mallard duck circling around the front of the building. We soon realized that her little ducklings had all fallen down a sewer grate! Campus police were called, and my department director stood out in the street directing traffic while they lifted the storm grate out and carefully placed all of the ducklings in a box. Mama duck was not happy about any of this, but she also followed my director to the lakeshore, where we carefully tipped the babies into the water. Mama dove in after and they were reunited! This is one of my fonder work memories.

    1. Dog momma*

      On my way to work early one morning, just got off my exit downtown & stopped traffic for mamma duck & babies…everyone else would have run them over. They all were able to jump up the curb but one. Got out of the car, scooped him up and they continued down the bank to the river. My good deed for the day.

  57. Beth*

    Bird story!

    The first time I ever had an office with a window, I also had sparrows nesting right outside it. I had not know that sparrows are the horniest little f***ers on two legs. I had nonstop live sparrow porn for days on end during nesting season.

    1. H.Regalis*

      I get about a hundred sparrows a day at my feeder but I guess they only fuck in or near their nests XD

      I have gotten to see both pigeons and mourning doves doing it. They are not nest-exclusive.

  58. NoFace*

    We had a bantam rooster who wandered onto the property when I worked at the Y after college. It would get into the kids’ playground area and the pool deck and terrorize members…. it was hilarious and a welcome distraction for those of us who worked there. A few people tried feeding and then catching him – to no avail. So we all unofficially decided he was our miniature mascot and figured he’d stick around. I can’t remember what ended up happening to him, but my husband and I remember him fondly.

  59. Meg*

    This past spring we had had a *very* territorial bird with a nest near a common walking path on campus. My friend’s office overlooked this walking path. Many many times a day she got front row seats to this bird aggressively swooping trying to protect her nest. The best one was when I was visiting her one of the deans (who was very disliked) got chased by this bird, TWICE! He took the same path back!

    1. ThatGirl*

      The park district rec center I go to for my gym had birds nesting in the sign this spring – a red-winged blackbird and I forget the other one, but they were MEAN. They had to put signs on the doors to beware – people got dive-bombed coming in or out of the building, including me several times!

      1. MCL*

        Red winged blackbirds are fierce and they give zero craps! It’s amazing how fearless they are.

      2. Some Words*

        Were the other ones swallows, perhaps? They will dive bomb relentlessly when nesting. I’ve never had one actually make physical contact, but they do get close.

        2. ThatGirl*

          I did some googling, and I think it was a black-capped chickadee.

          I don’t think anyone got hit, but I did see some very angry birds harass a lot of people, including me.

    2. Clisby*

      Mockingbird, maybe? They’re very territorial – I once saw one chasing a much bigger crow out of my yard during nesting season.

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        We had a robin who was throwing his weight around in our back yard of the apartment a few weeks ago–Husband spotted him flat out chasing one of the crows, with zero fucks to give.

  60. Thankfully no longer a manager*

    It was was soon after 9/11 and we were having issues with our fire alarms going off intermittently. I was on a call with someone who could hear the alarm and asked if I needed to go. I told her I wasn’t sure, it was probably fake. And she said they were having a weird day too. A mountain lion crashed through their ceiling and landed on a desk! And then I think I had to evacuate the building (but it was indeed another false alarm) so I never got to hear the rest of the story! It was either a hospital, doctors office or insurance agency – if you know the rest of the story I’d love to learn the outcome!

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      I would call that person back on the hour until I got the rest of the story!

  61. Anon4This*

    I attended grad school at a large midwestern land-grant university. The department had offices for grad students in the basement of a building that desperately needed renovation. A couple of offices had egress windows which were easy to open but didn’t necessarily stay closed as well as they should. Among the critters who made their way into those offices over the years were a possum, a raccoon, a couple of squirrels, and several birds. The building was completely renovated about a year after I graduated.

  62. Learn ALL the things?*

    I’m going to try not to make this too long, but here’s the sort of how I had to break up a fist fight about a duck.

    I used to work in a building that was next to a park that had a lake in it, which means there were a lot of water fowl hanging around. Mostly, they were dark gray geese or white ducks. But one day out of nowhere there was a brown duck that appeared, and according to two of my coworkers, it was being shunned my the white ducks, so they adopted it. They named it Donald and brought it corn every day on their morning breaks. Donald got used to having humans bring him corn, so he started to get pretty aggressive if there were people nearby who weren’t feeding him.

    One morning, a different coworker, Joanna, stormed into the building shouting about “that damn menace of a bird,” and it turns out Donald had bitten her. She went to the bulletin board where we posted the emergency phone numbers and called the park ranger’s office. As she was on the phone, one of Donald’s supporters (Jenny) walked in and overheard the end of the call, and she freaked out. She accused Joanna of being anti-animal and wanting Donald to be murdered. Joanna accused Jenny of being irresponsible by making Donald expect people to feed him and this was all her fault. They lunged at each other and my boss and I managed to each grab one of them before they could connect. They were both sent home early, and the park ranger came by that afternoon and told us Donald would be taken to a bird rescue since he’d become so dependent on humans for food they couldn’t be sure he’d survive in the wild. Jenny was inconsolable when she found out, and she and Joanna didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the time they worked together.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      I hope this one makes the list. I’m sure it was scary when it looked like they were going to come to blows, but the fact that it was over a jackass bitey duck just makes it delightfully bonkers.

  63. All Puns Intended*

    I once worked under a manager who was terrified of the company’s CEO. A few time a year (e.g., the day after Thanksgiving), all of the higher-ups would be out of the building, leaving my manager in charge. On those days, she had me smuggle my cat into the workplace and set her up in the CEO’s office on his fancy executive chair. Throughout the day, manager would go make official reports… to my cat.

  64. Emmy*

    My office is somewhat dog friendly but no one regularly brings a dog. A coworker adopted a tiny kitten who was too small to leave at home and brought her every day for two months. It was weird at first but ultimately we all loved having her around! The worker has an office with a door so anyone could avoid the kitten if they wanted but most people loved holding her a few minutes a day and soaking up all the purrs. She has since grown enough to stay home and I miss her.

    1. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

      I drove my motorhome to work every day with my new dog when she was a puppy. Went out to the parking lot to walk her during breaks and at lunch. I taught her to use a litter box filled with shredded paper (both at home and in MH) because that was what she was used to at the pet store. Not very many coworkers visited her because this was during covid.
      The security guard tried to tell me that I couldn’t have a non-service dog at work. Then tried to tell me I couldn’t have a motorhome in the parking lot at work. He called the security desk and couldn’t be convinced that it was ok.
      It was totally safe for her; I live in the desert southwest of the US, so summer would have been too hot, but winter with the air vents open and having food, water, toys, & litter box available. She’ll be four this year in October and she’s my perfect motorhome travel companion.

  65. An(t)ontemporary*

    In case internships count: I collected escaped ants at one point.
    The place where I had applied for this internship also hosted an exhibit on local flora and fauna including a real small-scale ant nest. The nest was set up in several glass boxes connected by glass tubes* that were open on the top for air circulation.
    The ants were contained by the very simple but effective application of vegetable oil**. The oil would be applied once per day on the inside of the glass. Sometimes however a small strip had already dried and some ants went out to see the sights. They were rather big and fairly docile, so once I spotted them on the floor I simply scooped them up with a spoon and back they went to the nest.
    It was a pretty chill but rather memorable way to spend my mornings before our visitors started to arrive.

    *GNU Terry Pratchett
    **They apparently don’t want their feet getting sticky.

    1. DannyG*

      Ants: back in the early 1980’s many hospitals still used glass bottles for IV solutions. Dating back to the 1940’s the stoppers had an open vent hole (sometimes with a tube to reach above the fluid level) to equalize air pressure. In Florida, the first hospital I worked in after residency sugar ants were an occasional problem. They would climb up the IV tubing and enter the bottle via the vent hole. One would then find them swimming in the IV fluid. The eventual solution was the general adoption of plastic IV bags which don’t need a vent and IV tubing with integrated vents for solutions requiring glass containers. In the meantime the maintenance staff was kept busy resealing the windows of the affected rooms.

  66. Brain the Brian*

    Do roaches count? We have… uh… not an insignificant number of them, they are massive (the length of my finger!), and exterminators seem to be horribly ineffective. *shudder*

    2. Dog momma*

      If you live in the South, those are Palmetto bugs. Exterminator comes 3 x year… garage, 15 ft around the house, porches, extra charge now for inside..I use Home Defense twice a yr at most instead, bc we have dogs>>>they are very effective
      We also have fire ants ..ugh

  67. Vincaminor*

    Not once but twice, a starling got in through a skylight in the staff area … and through the door onto the pool deck in the middle of swimming lessons. Cue CHAOS. Fortunately the ceiling was high enough that the birds could stay up out of the way and they were both very polite and didn’t poop in the pool. One, we persuaded back out the door and then out the skylight; the other one was too upset and skittish, so it slept on top of a light fixture and left in the morning when everything was quieter.

  68. Juicebox Hero*

    I moved offices last summer and the gal who had mine before me told me to watch out for squirrels. I assumed she was just busting my chops.

    The window faces an awkward little dead end between the main building and its annex and there’s not much but the gas meters and gutters all around the roof.

    In the fall, the squirrels like to sit in the gutters and eat their acorns, then chuck the shells at the window. The first time it happened it scared the daylights out of me because I thought someone was trying to break in. Nope, squirrels. Once in a while there’s a louder smack when they throw a whole acorn.

    I’m tempted to bring my cats to work so they can protect me from the evil attack squirrels.

  69. Apples and Oranges*

    Not a work story, but it’s work adjacent. When I was in my early 20s my roommate was taking care of her boss’s pet hamster for a few weeks while he was out of town.

    “Festus” somehow escaped from his cage and got lost in the house. We looked all over for him and eventually heard some suspicious scraping sounds coming from the ductwork in the basement. Could it be? There was an intake vent in the floor in the hallway. We pulled the cover off and shone a light down and sure enough Festus was frantically running around in the ducts.

    Well the hole was only big enough to get an arm through and too deep to reach him. My roommate was panicking because she was going to have to explain to her boss why his hamster died in the bowels of our house and the rest of us were panicking because we were going to have to explain it to our landlord.

    Eventually, we rigged up a basket and some shoelaces, put some hamster food inside and lowered it into the duct. To our shock and relief, that hungry, terrified hamster crawled right in and we pulled him to safety. We still all joke about the day we went “hamster fishing”

    1. Paint N Drip*

      I’m glad that’s how it played out!! At a previous job we moved the office into a much bigger building, and all of a sudden had issues with squirrels. Pest control folks come in, we don’t see the squirrels anymore, but suddenly one part of the office smells HORRIBLE – pest control folks come back, can’t specifically locate our smell (although we all know what the cause of the smell is) so we just lived like that??? For weeks until the smell dissipated

      1. Academic Anon*

        Ah, this brought back a story. I have been at my university for 27 years and have had many different offices. The one that is in this story was a shared space in the basement of the building which had issues with being hot in the summer and also moisture. So facilities brought in a miniature air conditioning unit and vented it to the outside.

        Reader, they did not screen off the vents. Two chipmunks later and the office area stunk to high heaven. After telling us that we were crazy for three days while the chipmunks progressed, facilities removed the miniature air conditioner and the death tubing. Academia being what it is, they only gave us a bottle of Fabreeze and told us to deal with our stinky, hot office. Never been so happy to move to the third floor after another six months!

  70. Alli*

    I taught preschool years ago and one day on the playground we saw a baby bunny and pointed it out to the children. What we didn’t see was the hawk perched in the tree nearby. He swooped in and grabbed the bunny right in front of the horrified teachers and kids. Hard lesson about the circle of life!

  71. DogLoverInHR*

    In a prior company, we had several office locations that all usually had an HR person, but 1 of the locations that position was vacant. HR sat in all on interviews, so for this location another HR person attended virtually. In the middle of the interview a dog walks into the conference room and starts licking the candidate. Turns out the execs located in that office decided to do a ‘bring your dog to work day’ without telling HR. The HR person on the call (my boss) was shocked. Thankfully the candidate wasn’t allergic or terrified of dogs, but still would have been nice to give them a heads up in advance of the interview. The execs didn’t tell HR because they knew we would say no, given historic issues (dog fighting) and people who worked in that office with dog allergies…

  72. SarahKay*

    I was chatting to our receptionist one lunchtime when we saw a fox cheerfully trotting down the pavement (sidewalk) next to the driveway leading from the entrance gates to the main site building.
    At that point the site HSE&F (where F=Facilities) manager appeared and we asked him if we should do anything. “No”, he said, firmly tongue-in-cheek, “it’s walking on the pavement so it’s following the required safe behaviour for pedestrians.”
    Then he walked off, muttering quietly “Shame the staff don’t follow the rules as well as the fox”.

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      Heh, once I was walking home from work at dusk, and saw a big ol’ kitty trotting down the sidewalk in front of me. I went to get closer and luckily realized it was a raccoon before attempting to pet it! But I’ll never forget its swagger down the middle of the pavement, not giving a fiddler’s damn.

  73. Mouse In The House!*

    One of my former offices had mice that caused a reasonable amount of trouble for people who kept food in their desks. Mostly we learned to live with it, but once a guy came in on the weekend with his kids to do something quickly, and when the elevator opened there was a mouse sitting there staring at them. He was not happy, but his kids thought it was magical and apparently bragged about how cool the “pets” in their dad’s office were!

  74. aarti*

    1. In a particularly tough winter groundhogs came out and ate all the rubber out of the hoses on people’s cars. Multiple people had to get their cars towed to the shop.
    2. We lost all doggo privileges in the office (which honestly I was ok with) because someone brought a very anxious CAT to the office and that went poorly.
    3. A girl in our office who apparently had never met a seagull before decided to entice one by holding out some french fries IN HER HAND. Poor girl almost got murdered by them.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      Good heavens. Hadn’t she ever seen “Finding Nemo”? Most accurate depiction of seagulls ever.

    2. Black Horse*

      Re #3 Ohhhh, honey, noooooo. Seagulls are not friends!

      I used to work at a place that had a lunch seating area overlooking the pacific ocean. Beautiful, but the gulls were an absolute menace. We knew not to ever leave food unattended, but one memorable time a co-worker was eating nachos and a gull just swooped down and snagged a chip off his plate, mid-flight. We all watched in amazement as the triangle-shaped bulge went down its neck.

  75. Bird brain*

    I used to work at an elementary school and for health and safety reasons we couldn’t let the kids touch unknown animals. In my tenure there I encountered two times that this became a problem:

    1) A stray sewer cat (as in, I regularly watched this cat climb into and out of the parking lot sewer drains) managed to sneak in through the front door when it didn’t close properly. The kids went wild! They were chasing him all over the building as the adults desperately asked them to stop and please calm down so we could catch the cat. But something about having a cat show up at school just broke them. Eventually, the cat ran into a small classroom and the custodian was able to trap it and get it back outside.

    2) During recess, a hawk started circling really low around a group of kindergarten girls. I didnt witness the incident directly but apparently the hawk kept getting lower and lower until one of the girls reached up to try and pet it and it dive-bombed her and grabbed her arm! She of course started screaming and the entire group ran to a teacher, and the bird flew off as soon as it realized it couldn’t lift her. I was the one who had to call her mom and let me tell you, that was a very weird call to make!

    1. Dust Bunny*

      We used to have a nest of red-shouldered hawks in our parking lot. They’ve moved on to a less busy area (I’ve seen them, but about a mile away). I also saw a Cooper’s hawk playing in the puddle from a burst water line a few months ago. And I’ve seen yellow-crowned night herons on occasion. We’re in the city, more or less, although not right downtown, and there is a railroad track with some overgrown green space around it behind our building, which I think is the bird attractant. It’s nice to see birds.

  76. Poison I.V. drip*

    I was an intern in an office of the state government and at the same time I had put my house on the market. The real estate agent recommended against my dog being home alone when she was trying to show the house, so I would take him to work with me, tie him up outside in the shade behind the office, and visit him frequently throughout the day. This was an enormous indulgence for an intern to receive and I was grateful for it.

    Then one day, I had to leave the office for a field assignment. Unknown to me, one of my full-time coworkers untied Fritz and brought him inside, where he had the run of the office. At the same time, a representative from the state AG’s office happened to stop by. I was mortified when I found out, but apparently Fritz behaved himself and the woman with the AG’s never questioned why a dog was running loose around the workplace.

  77. aarti*

    The comments also reminded me of when someone dumped a bunch of kittens on one of our properties. Many staff members adopted a kitten that day!

  78. Onelia*

    I worked in a library with a well known mouse problem. It caused a lot of chaos. My favourite story though was the time a student library assistant came running up to me to tell me they had rescued a mouse from a sticky trap and wanted me to help set it free. I have a soft heart so I scooped it up into a paper coffee cup and took it out the back loading doors to release it into the wild. The mouse jumped out of the cup and ran back into the building through a crack on the door in a wink. The bloody thing was back in the building before I was. On the plus side, I figured out one way the mice were getting in?

    1. Lady Kelvin*

      You have to release mice several miles from where you collected it in order to ensure it won’t get back in. They have an incredible sense of direction!

  79. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    We don’t get a lot of animals in the office, but it has happened from time to time. A former coworker used to bring her dog in and he would sleep in a bed under her desk all day. Another coworker dog-sits her sister’s dog from time to time and it is not used to being alone so she will bring him in.

    And then we got a new coworker who has an emotional support dog. Except he escapes her office and runs all over the place and jumps on people (and really stinks) and pees everywhere. After the 4th carpet shampooing in as many weeks they finally laid down the law that if the dog peed in the building again it would no longer be allowed. So at least now there is a crate in her office that keeps him contained if she steps away for a bit.

  80. ArchivesPony*

    Lived in a state with a high Canadian geese population. Had a nesting pair that came back every year to nest near our building. In 2020, they discovered because we didn’t have a lot of visitors, they decided to next 10 feet from our front door. It was… delightful. Had to call someone on campus (our building was off campus) to find out if we were liable if someone got attacked by George or Georgina (not their actual names). When I was done asking this, the person who picked up the phone said “I haven’t had enough coffee yet to deal with this” and laughed (we couldn’t move the nest as Canadian geese are protected).It was a weird spring that’s for sure! For some reason, the eggs Georgina laid that spring never hatched. In 2021, they tried again in the spot but we were prepared! Luckily they finally quit trying and built a nest at the back of the building and she hatched a large clutch of 7 goslings! She brought them around to show us (which they did every other time) and then took off and we didn’t see them again until 2022.

    2. JD*

      I don’t know if they are protected, but there are scores of Canadian geese in every open grass field. This means All the schools, ball fields, parks, they’re a menace!
      My biggest issue is the amount of droppings they leave. No one can walk 3 steps without stepping in it.

      Funny thing is, they are so ubiquitous in the populated areas, when I saw a couple (2 birds, not a dozen) at the shoreline I didn’t recognize them at first.
      Herons, ducks, coramants, – what’s that big brown and white one,,,?
      Who knew they had a natural habitat:-o

  81. MJCassidy*

    I worked at a historic site that did not allow animals other than service animals, but the environment was somewhat rugged so people often assumed pets were okay. Our training on ADA regulation was very good, and managers made it clear that we were empowered to turn people away if needed and could also request manager support whenever we wanted. A few times, though, people did manage to sneak pets onto the property, whether intentionally or unintentionally—for example, a coworker let a dog onsite once because it was in one of those pet strollers with its hood down, and he assumed it was a baby. Innocent mistake on the part of the owner, or deliberate trickery? Hard to say.

    One day, a coworker asked to talk to a manager on the private radio channel—the channel was meant to be a way for staff to discuss more in-depth problems onsite without broadcasting the issue to every visitor who happened to be standing next to a member of staff. But what usually happened is that ALL staff members who weren’t actively talking to visitors switched to the same channel, because we knew something weird was happening and we wanted in on it. That was exactly what happened in this instance; we all got to hear our coworker say “Some visitors are having a photoshoot with a hedgehog… can you come down and help out with this?”

    Apparently, the hedgehog had been asleep in the visitor’s purse when they arrived, so the staff missed it and the visitors didn’t realize pets weren’t allowed. They were pretty much done with their visit anyway, so they graciously apologized and left. When I went to the staff room for lunch a few hours later, I found a bunch of coworkers huddled around someone’s phone. One of them looked up at me and happily declared “We found the hedgehog’s instagram!”

    There were a few other animal incidents while I was working there—a pair of turkey vultures nesting in one of the more rundown parts of the site, a squirrel loose in the staff room, a possum stuck in a historic closet—but the famous hedgehog was certainly a highlight.

  82. Dark Macadamia*

    At my first summer job working retail as a teen, there was a time when a group of younger boys brought a little dog into the store and got kicked out. The whole front of the store was glass, so I had a clear view as they walked a bit down the sidewalk and then stuffed the dog down one of their shirts and came back in. I told them they couldn’t have the dog with them and shirt kid says “what dog?” just as it pops its head out.

  83. kiri*

    I work in a library in a large classroom building on a university campus. The library has a large glass window that looks out onto the building lobby, and through it you can see the main entrance to the building – so people often report issues (icy steps, drink spills, etc.) about the lobby and entrance to us.

    This spring, right after classes ended, someone came in and told us there were two smallish black birds right on the steps. We have a lot of crows on campus, and it was right around the time when the babies would’ve been leaving their nests, so they seemed to be fledglings who had left their nests but weren’t confident about flying yet.

    These crows became a FIXTURE. They were loud and not at all afraid of people, so everyone would stop to say hi to them. We called an avian rescue and they said as long as they didn’t seem injured, they would probably end up getting more confident and flying away, so we should just leave them be. Some very conscientious Environmental Science students put up some signs asking people to please leave them alone and not feed them. My friend in Public Safety kept an eye on them on the security cameras, and confirmed that an adult crow was flying down to keep them fed.

    It was really sweet – things have been tough at this workplace for a number of reasons, so it was nice to have something to come together around. The crows happily hung out for about a week, greeting everyone who came up the steps, and then one morning I came in and they were gone, so my hope is they found their wings and flew up to join their crow friends!

  84. Prudence Snooter*

    I had an internship at a CPA firm about 3 hours from where my husband and I were based, so my husband stayed in our apartment and I rented a room near the firm. During my second week there, my young and otherwise healthy cat needed emergency surgery and sadly didn’t survive. This was my first experience with pet loss and let me tell you I was A MESS. When it all went down I needed to rush home in the middle of a work day and not come back for several days, and then I cried in the office several times. Everyone was understanding but I was so worried I was giving them the wrong impression.

    The rest of my 5-month-long internship went smoothly. My very last client had an office cat who was there to be a mouser. This cat spent every day snuggled up next to my laptop and I loved him. Right before the engagement ended, I got wind that they were about the take the cat back to the shelter because they’d realized he should live in a home but were unable to find one for him. I think you know that I took the cat.

    At the end of my internship they offered me a full-time position. The partner said I’d done a great job and added, “You made the firm look really good by adopting that cat.” Nine years later I’m no longer with that firm but I still have the cat. His name is Siren.

  85. NowRetired*

    Started a job as an office manager in a semi-underground “eco building” that had a couple indoor gardens created in the bases of 2nd floor steps that were never built due to code issues; they were little ecosystems of bugs and whatnot. A few months into the job staff were complaining about mice but didn’t want them killed, just catch-and-release (sigh). I posted stickers of a cat with a mouse in its mouth for each one I trapped on my office door and after quickly capturing the eighth one (the mice were all different, not the same one returning) they let me hire an exterminator.

  86. ThursdaysGeek*

    It was my first day, and I was shown my office. A large black widow was up in the corner above the desk. Ok, I can deal with that. A few days later, she was not there. I can’t deal with that – I need to know where she is! When she showed back up in her corner the next day, I got a jar, and she lived in the jar the rest of her life. However, that got me a reputation, and co-workers were soon bringing me bugs, asking me to remove bugs and spiders from their offices, and I had at least one pet black widow throughout my seven years at that job. I would name the spiders after the person who brought them – Krista was my favorite, and I had her three years.

  87. Dust Bunny*

    Our longest-running animal neighbor is a mockingbird who is either incredibly assertive or incredibly insecure: He sings all day all the time. I’m honestly a little worried he’ll burn himself out.

    As far as animal actually IN the office: So far I have twice acquired cats adjacent to or during the workday. A year ago I went for a walk on my lunch hour and found a kitten in the bushes. I set her up in a box under my desk for a couple of days until I knew she was eating well on her own. One of my coworkers adopted her.

    Two months ago I was walking from my train stop to my office early in the morning and found a cat carrier with a cat in it under a tree. Only this was a young adult cat and much too big to keep in a box so she spent two work days in our utility room (which is secure, including having all of its wiring enclosed in either boxes or metal pipe) until I could get a space set up for her at home. Another friend adopted her.

    1. Dust Bunny*

      (Both cats came home with me at night, of course, but my permanent cats are not super friendly and are capable of opening the doors in the house, so I didn’t want to leave them unsupervised when I wasn’t home until I knew I could secure everything.)

    2. Kay*

      Your mockingbird is most likely just extremely unlucky in love, and unable to find a girlfriend.

  88. AMH*

    Last week I went out to my car and noticed the crows were being unusually strident, including flying low overhead. I figured I had inadvertently upset them and got into my car. In my rearview mirror, I saw a young, hungry coyote on the grass verge between our lot and the tree line, maybe 10′ from the back of my car. He was eating something large that our DPW eventually hauled away, and was the cause of much excitement in my department for the next few hours. I was sad we took his meal, although I get the danger of close contact, and I hope he’s doing ok out there!

    I still want to befriend those crows. And all crows, really.

    1. AMH*

      Also while dogs are technically not allowed in our office area, when a member of the public brings one in the dog is enthusiastically invited back to our area for pets and loving by an entire department of people. The human owners generally understand and allow this, haha.

    2. Worldwalker*

      I know when the neighborhood pair of red-tailed hawks is somewhere around because I can hear a huge mob of blue jays shrieking their alarm calls, sometimes joined by crows.

      I don’t know where the hawks nest, but every fall, we see them flying over with 1-3 juveniles.

      1. AMH*

        Yes! The crows and catbirds, in our case, are our early warning signal for the hawks. A red tail hawk took one of my landlady’s chickens a few years ago. We’ll see osprey up in the trees as well but they’re mostly just hanging.

        I also love fledgling season for the birds of prey because all day long we hear the hawks and osprey babies practice their adult cries, wanting their parents to feed them.

  89. Ama*

    In my first job out of college, I worked as a receptionist for a couple of family therapists in private practice. One of them worked with a lot of kids and would bring one of her pet ferrets in when she was expecting a kid that responded well to animals. However she had just as many clients who did not like the ferret (many people apparently felt they looked too much like giant rats to be comfortable with them), and if she had one who really couldn’t deal with the ferret even when it was in its cage in her office, she would drop him into the reception area with me, since it was the only other room where we could close enough doors to keep him contained. The other therapist hated the ferret because he had tried to bite her toe once (she wore a lot of sandals), so I had to warn her if he was running around.

    I never really had a problem with him (my family had had a lot of hamsters, gerbils, and even a pet rat before so a ferret didn’t phase me), except that his favorite game was climbing into the small trash can under my desk and tipping it over. If there was actually trash in there I’d usually put the trash can up on the counter so he couldn’t reach it. But one day the trash can had been freshly emptied so I left it down, then I got busy with a couple phone calls. After a while I realized I hadn’t seen the ferret lately and then I heard a rustling sound coming from the trash can. When I peeked in I realized the poor ferret had somehow managed to slip underneath the plastic bag lining the can (it was cinched tightly around the top of the can so I still don’t know how he did it) and was panicking and probably starting to suffocate because he couldn’t find his way out. I ripped open the bag with my hands and he immediately shot out of the can and ran to hide under the copier, refusing to come out for pretty much the rest of the day.

    I told the therapist who owned him what happened and she did end up giving him a break from the office for a few weeks. I only stayed in that job for a year (having to share an office with a ferret occasionally was the most minor of the very boundary pushing things I had to deal with at that job), and I heard later that the ferret finally did bite the other therapist on the foot and she banned him from being in the reception area at all.

    1. 3-Foot Tall Inflatable Rainbow Unicorn*

      I had a ferret that loved destroying plastic bags. There was a day when my mother and I watched him run into a bag.

      “He’ll smother!”
      “He’s fine.”
      The ferret ran to the bottom of the bag, stuck his nose in the corner, and flopped on his side.
      “HE CAN’T BREATHE!”
      Before I could say “He’s fine” the corner of the bag *evaporated* as all 4 sets of claws were brought to bear and the ferret bounced happily away, chuckling.

      1. Ama*

        That’s good to know that probably he would have eventually gotten out on his own, it’s haunted me for years that if I had happened to step out to go get lunch or something without checking he might have been in real trouble.

  90. Not Elizabeth*

    Several years ago, I looked out my office window and noticed something light brown hanging there. The exterior of the building had sort of a pebbly texture, and there was an overhang of about a foot or so over my window — that’s where the light brown thing was. I assumed that a leaf had blown up there and gotten stuck somehow. But then a coworker chatting with me in my office noticed it, and we took a closer look. It was moving, and then I saw it stretch a pair of leathery wings. It was a BAT. Apparently it found a nice comfy place to hang during the day. It was there (during the day, at least) for several days, and I was always happy to see it! And then one day it wasn’t there anymore, and that was that.

    1. GoryDetails*

      We had one of those! The office building was large, with walkways connecting to other buildings, and with a sunscreen on the outside – and one day a little brown dried leaf (aka bat) decided to nap there. Not sure if it got too far from a more reasonable bat-house before sunrise and took what it could get, or if it liked the solitude, but lots of us went by to peer at it through the glass.

  91. Velawciraptor*

    Working with the courts while working from home during lockdown gave me two cat related stories.

    One day while I was waiting for my case to be called by the Court, one of my cats was in the front window, chattering at the birds congregated at the bird feeder. I had downtime, so I chatted with her. “Are you going to get the bird baby? Are you my fuzzy little murderer?”

    Suddenly I hear the Court: can whoever is talking about birds to their fuzzy little murderer please mute?

    Another time, I was in a meeting with all of the judges for the district, as well as the elected DA and other criminal justice partners. We were still all getting settled before getting down to business when one of my cats climbed into my lap, turned around, and chose to show every judge in three counties her butthole.

    1. Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender*

      “can whoever is talking about birds to their fuzzy little murderer please mute?”

      I’m dying!! :-D

  92. TracyXP*

    We had a very territorial male red cardinal in the bushes next the building. The windows were tinted and that made them reflective, so the cardinal kept seeing it’s own reflection in the window. Which led to it attacking the window repeatedly for hours until the sun came around an created enough glare on the window that he couldn’t see himself.

    Despite being kept busy with the window for so long, he still had time to find a mate. Because eventually there was a female that joined him on trying to take on the windows.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      They’re so pretty, but they’re ferocious little so-and-sos. I had a nesting pair in my backyard tree once and got divebombed every time I went out my back door.

  93. Dust Bunny*

    Also, years ago my boss opened our front door and a brown mouse rain INTO the building. We chased it until we couldn’t find it any more. We never did find any droppings or anything chewed so we have no idea where it went, but I’ve never seen a wild mouse run toward humans before.

  94. Claire (Scotland)*

    My classroom overlooks the back gardens and end wall of block of tenement flats. There are some very tall trees in the gardens. Quite a lot of animals are regularly seen – cats, squirrels, lots of birds, occasionally foxes. On one occasion last year there was a cat trying (and failing) to get close to a flock of magpies at the very top of one tree at the same time a squirrel decided to scale the flat, featureless end wall of the flats right to the four storey roofline. My entire class were riveted by this drama and very concerned about the cat and squirrel having the ability to get back down. Trying to teach anything at that point was a waste of time! We took a break and watched until both cat and squirrel descended safely, much to the relief of all.

    My class were all sixteen years old.

    1. H.Regalis*

      Squirrels can climb some crazy stuff! I put birdseed out on my fire escape to entertain my cat, and once the squirrels realized there was food up, they figured out how to climb up the drainpipe. Now I put peanuts out just for them and smaller seeds for the birds.

  95. raaaleigh*

    My mom is a high school teacher, but she works in the arts building, which is very relaxed. Some afternoons, her coworker brings in a sweet old golden retriever, and my mom always sends me photos when Daisy wanders into her classroom for some treats and love :)

  96. lucky_bee*

    OOH I have a few: I work in terribly old and outdated govt/military buildings basically made of cardboard. Mice and cockroaches are on a regular basis, but still doesn’t stop me from screeching every time I find one belly-up in the supply closet.

    My old office was right next to a fire escape, and one year a bird built her nest in a hole she found that ended up between the exterior wall/door frame, and my office wall – which… also had a hole in that same area. Once the babies hatched, I could actually see their shadows thru the hole on my side (thankfully they never made their way further into the office!!) but their CHIRPING! It was deafening! Especially at feeding time, oh my goodness. I’d have visitors stop by and you could see the puzzlement on their faces trying to figure out why my office sounded like I was in an aviary. Some assumed I had my own bird sound machine for focusing!

    THEN when I moved into another building around the corner, this was situated closer to the riverfront. We’re in an area in the mid-Atlantic known for Bald Eagle nesting. I am so fortunate to see them often, and they still make me stare in awe every time. This spring, one young eagle really liked the tree outside my window and I saw him almost daily. Even saw him grab field mouse and fish a few times. I’d drag anyone into my office to look. No one seemed to be as fascinated by them as me, but I had to share as much as possible.

  97. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

    Our previous location was in a building that would eventually be condemned and scraped right down to the slab, for good reason: nature was doing her damndest to reclaim that building and that included sending all of the local furry friends in.

    We frequently came to work and found possums who fell into trash cans hoping for a meal and finding none (because despite it doing no good whatsoever we dutifully took every scrap and crumb of food-related trash out every day). The possums were always unharmed but making angry faces at us. We tried taking them back outside and they’d be right back in our trash the next day. So we started calling Animal Control, who would send someone out to relocate the possum to… wherever they released wayward possums.

    There was a colony of mostly friendly stray cats out back for a while, two of whom would become my cats (sadly they have both passed on but they got 11+ years of good indoor life). The cats were friendly with people… aaaaaand with other animals. They sat and watched possums eat the kibble the landlord put out. They sat and watched mice scurry by in the grass. The landlord wanted to keep them for pest control reasons anyway. Eventually the colony grew out of control and other than the two I adopted, they all went off with Animal Control. I am sure they all found homes, because they were all super sociable, reasonably healthy, and really cute.

    Occasionally …something, we didn’t go looking, would crawl into a wall and die. We would know this happened when we came to work in the morning to so many flies in the building it was like a zero-budget remake of The Amityville Horror up in there. Then it would stink for a few days. Then it was gone. One time, though, something died outside the wall. I found it when I dropped a piece I was working on into the gap between one workbench and the next, reached in to get it, and touched, with my very bare hand, A MOUSE MUMMY. AAAAAAAUGH.

    Ah yes, speaking of… we had occasional small mice (which, again, the cats ignored) for years but for a while… rats took over the turf. The mice, I could catch in a box and deposit outside. The rats… after one particularly swole rat sauntered out from under a cabinet, looked me directly in the eye as if to say “the F ya gonna do?” and then continued his leisurely stroll, I decided I was not brave enough or paid enough to pick a fight with them.

    Our new location has occasional spiders and that’s about it.

  98. Turtle*

    We’ve been loaning out our conference room to a neighboring business. One day they were up in arms and came rushing out of their meeting because they were startled by a possum who walked right in front the large floor to ceiling windows, wobbled around, fell over, and played dead. It laid there for their entire meeting. The head of the meeting was adamant that ‘it has rabies and must be killed’ which didn’t go over well with our animal-loving staff. After contacting a wildlife care group, we determined that it was in good health, was startled, and does not have rabies. We’ve now named it “Awesome Possum” and it’s our unofficial office mascot.

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      Absolutely did NOT have rabies! Possums apparently have a low enough body temperature to make them rabies proof. They also eat ticks and are invaluable to keeping that pest population down.

  99. NMitford*

    This happened at one of my very first jobs after college. There had been a story in the local newspaper about someone’s missing parrot, how much the family wanted to get their beloved parrot back, please report any sightings of said parrot to them at the following phone number…. and so forth.

    One day, one of my coworkers looked out the window of her third floor office and spotted a parrot perched on a branch of the tree outside her window. She was our PR person (this was at a small Lutheran college), so she immediately called the newspaper to get the details on how to contact the family as well as ensuring that the newspaper had a photographer out there to capture the happy reunion and give the college some free positive publicity.

  100. Ann O'Nemity*

    I used to work on the seventh floor of a building downtown. About half of the floor was a huge event space with super high ceilings. (This meant the eighth floor was much smaller to accommodate the event space ceiling.)

    Over the years we would occasionally find a bat in the building. It would inevitably find its way to the event space with the super high ceiling, where it would fly around far out of anyone’s reach. We would have to call animal control to come catch it, which was usually pretty humorous to watch because they always had a helluva time trying to catch it with those high ceilings.

    In one memorable experience, a group of us was seated in the conference room for an IT “stand-up” first thing in the morning. (Called a stand-up because these meetings were supposed to be brief; but everyone sat and it was not short. I was a “chicken” in scrum-speak, so I was not particularly involved, but I digress.) My coworker James noticed something on the blinds, which turned out to be a bat. The IT Director clumsily tried to catch it with a trash can, which was a total failure; I still don’t know what he was thinking. The bat started flying all around swooping people. Vicki, one of the PMs, started screaming – like high pitched, the-little-girl-in-Aliens screaming – and dove under the conference table, only to hit her face on a table leg. Someone opened the door and everyone tried to run out. The Director yelled at us to shut the damn door; he was still waving the trash can around trying to catch the bat. Inevitably, the bat flew out the open door and found its way to the event space. Vicki emerged from under the table, nursing a small cut and a blossoming bruise on her forehead. Animal control was called; they spent the afternoon trying to catch the bat. In the years that followed, whenever this story came up, the Director would insist that he could have caught the bat if we hadn’t opened the door, to which I would internally roll my eyes.

  101. Beka Cooper*

    I worked in a convention center as an event custodian, like monitoring bathrooms and keeping them stocked, responding to calls for spills, etc. I often worked 4-midnight during weddings and stuff, and my shift overlapped with our overnight crew’s shift. Because our convention center was also connected to our public skywalk, we sometimes had homeless people using low-traffic areas to rest or what have you.

    One night, one of the overnight crew members was working in the skyway and kept hearing whistling and noises coming from nearby and got really freaked out. They finally figured out that a homeless man who’d been seen around a lot lately had managed to climb on top of a ledge and get inside a hollow decorative beam that went across the top of the skywalk. He had made it into a little home base and had some possessions stored there. After he’d been removed, the people tasked with cleaning up in that space found an empty aquarium and a pet store receipt for a python. The python was never found.

    1. Worldwalker*

      Odds are it was a baby ball python (usually the only pythons you find in pet stores) and probably left with its owner in his pocket.

      Ball pythons are a small, chubby species (super cute!) which get their name from their reaction to stress or fear: they roll up into a ball and stick their head in the middle. Small as in a 5′ one is really big.

  102. Casual Observer*

    Several years ago, I worked in a cafe that was located near the beach. In the summer, we would often prop the front and back doors open to allow for some air circulation to keep customers more comfortable. However, a side effect of this open door policy also meant we’d often have random seagulls walk through the restaurant. Most would wander in and then promptly wander back out after seeing people around, but there was one who was obviously not phased by people and would walk up to customers to try to score pieces of their muffins or whatever pastry they were eating. This seagull would visit on a daily basis, around the same time every morning for weeks. The customers and staff all thought he was hilarious because he would stroll up to people and wait for food. If no one gave him anything, he’d wander behind the counter to the staff and try his luck there. Eventually, we named him Carl, and would often just say, “Carl, time to go.” if he started getting too insistent. Carl would then just wander out the back door and leave until the next morning. I miss Carl.

    1. Skeptic53*

      I went to an afternoon SF Giants baseball game one time, it turns out there is a whole flock of seagulls that has figured out approximately how long a 9-inning game will last. They hunker down high in the bleachers in the 8th inning waiting for the game to end, and for the people to depart, leaving all kinds of food in the stands. The game I attended went into extra innings and the gulls were upset, they’d take off in a big flock, wheel around over the stadium a few times screaming, then settle back down waiting for the buffet to open.

  103. clover*

    My husband worked for a wildlife rehab/education center for a number of years – so animals were central to the gig. They did educational programming with certain non-releasable animals, including owls, which are very smart and take a lot of acclimatizing to get comfortable enough with specific humans to let them handle them. The process was like – go into the owl’s enclosure and sit as small as possible for a period of time, day after day, until they’re no longer freaked out by you doing that. Then stand up, which freaks them out again, and repeat until they’re used to that. Then walk around, which is a whole new thing, and repeat. Then talk, and repeat (he felt weird just talking about nothing to them, so after a few sessions of this he started reading Game of Thrones aloud to them).

    He also says that certain owls really didn’t like going out on programs. The policy was that if an owl was on the ground, they were likely in distress and you should leave their enclosure at once to give them space. One owl got wise to this, and as soon as they entered her enclosure, she would make direct eye contact and flop onto the ground, and then look at them again to be like “I assume you’ll be leaving now?”

    So many good stories! He doesn’t work there anymore but still enjoys sharing wildlife facts all the time haha

    1. Lab Boss*

      I got to help a college roommate do some work in the vet clinic, including with the wild raptors they were rehabbing. The hour or two I got to spend with those magnificent birds is burned into my memory, they’re amazing.

    2. Toot Sweet*

      I used to work for an animal shelter that had a separate wildlife rehab. They used to feed the owls wearing what looked like an owl costume to keep from being attacked. I got such a kick out of that!

      Some of the permanent residents were very cool and were used in grade school classrooms for education. The one I miss the most, though, was an American Crow named Ray. He loved visitors! Every time I walked up to his enclosure and called his name, he would make a “woo!” sound and say, “What?!?”

  104. CTA*

    This was a few years ago when emotional support animals started gaining popularity. I’m in the US. I was working in visitor services at a museum. One day during the slow summer, a woman comes in with her emotional support animal: a turtle. It was on a leash. She was carrying it, but had put a leash on it anyway. She had a letter saying this was her emotional support animal. The person working at tickets did have to check with security first because this was unprecedented (never had a turtle claimed as a service animal before). The woman and turtle were let in.

    A few weeks later, a magazine publishes an undercover-like piece about emotional support animals. It was written by the woman who had visited the museum with the turtle. She did this experiment about half-a-dozen times with different animals. She had obtained a letter from a doctor about needing an ESA. When she used different animals, she doctored the letter. The museum had it easy with the turtle. This woman used a snake, a pig, a turkey, and an alpaca at other places where she wanted to test who would allow in an ESA.

    After that, the museum where I worked issued a formal notice to employees about service animals. The museum would only recognize service animals that are recognized by the ADA. Those animals (at the time) were dogs…and miniature horses.

    1. Raisin Walking to the Moon*

      Incredibly, Seeing Eye Horses are preferred by some folks because they’re less likely to pull their person into traffic, and they live for 30 years or more.
      They wear little sneakers for going indoors, it’s adorable.

        1. Raisin Walking to the Moon*

          Horse Diapers. They look a little bit more like a feed bag strapped to the wrong end, they’re BIG vinyl bags.

  105. Combinatorialist*

    A colleague was working on a remote part of campus late in the evening and went to leave in his car. When he got to the parking lot, there were about 50 coyotes having some kind of coyote meeting. He said he turned right back into the building and decided he could do a little more work after all. When he came back an hour later, the coyotes were gone without a trace.

  106. CatMouse*

    At a place I did an internship there was a resident groundhog, I forget it’s name. People would talk about the groundhog’s activities in casual conversation “Oh Charlie is wandering around again” Took me a few days to figure out that it was the groundhog and not a coworker!

  107. metronomic*

    I worked at a small Boston college through early 2009, and our office was on the edge of a quiet, leafy city street and blocks away from a small riverway. Like other cities and towns in the area suddenly turkeys started showing up, and then they had babies. We’d see the momma turkey walking around with them all the time on the property, and nicknamed them Brad and Angelina as their celebrity coupling was big news at the time.

    We ended up featuring the turkey family in the alumni magazine in a picture and blurb but we didn’t disclose our nicknames for them publicly of course. The colleague who put together the magazine went to get pictures of them and they chased her, apparently they are not particularly friendly, especially when protecting their young. We got a kick out of seeing her dodge them and run back to the safety of the office building.

    1. Keep it Simple*

      I work at the other small Boston college a block away from you. I remember the Urban Turkeys, as I called them. I still have some pictures of them strolling around in front of the Harvard medical school building and pecking on the glass windows.

  108. Raisin Walking to the Moon*

    Students suddenly crowded around our Library window, murmuring. I looked out & saw a security guard and custodian nervously trying to coax a snake off our front walk.
    I grew up on a farm & I could tell the City Boys were spooked, so I ran downstairs, grabbed Mr. Bitey, (garter snake, the bites feel like nothing) and relocated him. In a dress and heels.
    The students made MULTIPLE memes about it.

      1. Raisin Walking to the Moon*

        oh please – PEOPLE stink! ;)
        and yes, obvs, meet me at the library, it’s BYOS

        1. Worldwalker*

          People don’t have musk glands to repel predators!

          When you pick up a garter snake, don’t worry about the bitey end — even a big one can barely draw blood; I take more damage playing with kittens. Worry about the stinky end: hold that little trapdoor shut at all costs.

          This is also true of water snakes, though they’ve got bigger teeth — they have to be able to grab frogs, fish, etc. — but since they also have the snake world’s foulest musk, not getting musked is even more important.

          I wish I could give you advice for how to get the stench off your hands. Unfortunately, I don’t know any good way either.

          1. Raisin Walking to the Moon*

            humans don’t need musk glands, we have Glade, Tide, Bath & Body Works…
            I just wash my hands to get the snake smell off? maybe the garter snakes at Evermore are extra stinky ;)

          2. ThursdaysGeek*

            I thought they were just peeing on my hand. In any case, it just washes off for me, too. My preference is for the bull snakes – they don’t smell, they often hug, they rarely bite. And they like to pretend to be rattlesnakes.

  109. Lab Boss*

    *rubs my hands together* oh boy, summer camp story times.

    Raccoons are the devil’s own burglars. They’ll get into everything- trash cans, tents, offices. One of them got the lid off a closed plastic tote and into my food stash, scattering it all over my tent. One night they came in while I slept and stole my watch- I found it in the grass the next morning, covered in tooth marks. One summer I had one take up residence under my tent (the staff tents were on wooden platforms, mine was on uneven ground and he could get beneath. If I walked around too loud I’d hear him spitting and snarling from below my feet. I walked back behind our amphitheater once to see one hanging from a tree limb by his back feet, opening a box of pizza to steal a slice and scuttle back up the tree with his plunder. One guy fell asleep after eating a candy bar and woke up to find a raccoon sitting on his chest, licking the chocolate residue from his mouth- he flung it off him in terror, bounced it off his sleeping tentmate, and luckily it fled without hurting either of them.

    One of my coworkers was taking an evening leak in the edge of the woods, when a skunk came walking directly between his legs from behind him. He froze, and was only able to say “guys? guys? guys?” as we all tried to figure out why he was calling to us while peeing, unable to see the thing as it sniffed around his boots and eventually wandered away, leaving him un-stunk but terrified.

    I was walking alone one night- no flashlights, you get used to seeing by moonlight. Hearing an animal following you is not uncommon, but that night a good-sized coyote stepped out into a patch of moonlight and just stared at me. He let me pass but followed for 100 yards or so before melting back into the shadows. I’m not ashamed to say that one had me scared, and I picked up a rock just in case I had to fend him (or his friends) off. He never acted hostile though, he really was just fearlessly investigating me.

    Not a funny story, but a lot of people will abandon animals near a summer camp because they assume we’ll take care of them. Of course we do our best, because it’s not the animals fault. In my time there I saw a half-dozen abandoned dogs either become camp dogs or go home with a counselor. The saddest one was a little female beagle who was so clearly used to being beaten that she’d run and hide at the slightest loud noise, but eventually found a loving home. The funniest was some kind of husky-type dog who objected so strongly to being put in a kennel that he was howling so loud he kept the camp up all night. He got fast-tracked for a new home with someone who lived way out in the country with lots of acreage.

    1. Be Gneiss*

      Once when my family was camping (40-ish years ago), my parents underestimated the dexterity of the raccoons and left a screw-top jar of instant coffee unattended. We came back from the beach and found several highly-caffeinated raccoons running around the campsite making agitated racoon sounds at each other, and we all learned a valuable lesson about keeping food locked up.

      1. Quill*

        Much like my family once discovered that a “childproof” cooler is not raccoon proof.

        However, they can’t open ziplock bags: they tear a tiny hole in them and pick every grape in the bag off the stem, leaving stem and bag displayed proudly in the center of their picnic table trashpile.

  110. learnedthehardway*

    I worked one summer before college at the company that my dad worked for. It was a very large, very industrial company. Normally, they would have had dogs for security (mostly to prevent people coming onto the property and getting themselves hurt or killed – the plant was a dangerous environment), but since the area was a nesting ground for Canada geese, during the summer months, the geese functioned as both wildlife and security forces. They were very effective at keeping people well away from the perimeter fence. There were signs posted warning people of “No trespassing. Attack geese on patrol” and suchlike.

  111. Stella70*

    An adult goat joined us once for entire day. We worked in a professional environment (read: not business-casual, just business), with a humorless director and a lot of phone calls from the public. The goat’s human dad lived a long commute from the office, needed to take the goat to the vet for a checkup after work, and thought it quite reasonable for us to have an “intern” for the day. Given his title, none of us felt empowered to resist.
    Some of us loved it (“A goat! Fun!”), some of us hated it (“#$@# GOAT!”), and one woman was terrified because as a child, she was taught horizontal pupils were a sign of evil and she wanted him nowhere near her cube. Goat-Dad had a busy day of offsite meetings, so we all tried to keep an eye on our new co-worker. It was tough – he laughed at our barricades, tipped over lamps, let out extremely loud bleats (but only when he noticed someone was on the phone), and thought he ascended to heaven when he discovered our staff kitchen. No salad was safe, and he discovered a previously unknown love of Pop-Tarts.
    When our Director unexpectedly stopped by in the afternoon, we knew the goat was cooked (metaphorically). We not only had to keep him out of sight, but completely silent. Goat-Dad had said we could lull him nearly to sleep if we stroked his chin. For the last three hours of the day, we snuck the goat from cube to cube to cube, depending on our Director’s movements, and all the goatsitters had to give up one hand for chin-stroking. Only one bleat was heard, and a quick-thinking co-worker popped his head up above his cube and said, “YouTube! Sorry!”
    Of course, no good deed goes unpunished, and Goat-Dad grumbled the next day that his pet’s farts were unbearable in the car ride home, which definitely were not caused by the broccoli our our receptionist picked out of her salad.

    1. Lab Boss*

      I love the ride-or-die energy of the whole staff, including the ones who didn’t want the goat there, just deciding “yes of course we have to keep this goat a secret from the boss.”

    3. ThursdaysGeek*

      Was it a he or a she, and full size or miniature? Goats are cute, but impervious to normal boundaries.

    4. goddessoftransitory*

      *sees Stella70’s name, squeals with delight*
      OMG, who brings a GOAT inside???And leaves it with strangers all day?

  112. Goose*

    I used to work at a school in Florida where lizards were everywhere. Baby ones the size of my thumb would get inside and I would go around. Scooping them up with a piece of paper to bring them back outside. There was also an iguana that lived on campus that would do its “business” in the most inconvenient places.

  113. Dandylions*

    I have many from the year I worked at a university in Queensland Australia.

    First week on campus a Burmese Python ate a bush turkey and was digesting it over a 10 day period in the sparse riparian buffer around a creek bed. The university posted signs that read “have a look but keep a distance of 5 meters otherwise you could upset it’s digestion”

    1. Dandylions*

      Australian Magpies are notoriously aggressive towards cyclists, with many riders opting to tie zip ties to their helmet to keep the birds away. At 22 I was way too fashionable for that, so I risked my eyes and ears and opted for the water bottle trick. One pair nested in a tree on my way to work and by the mid point of my first semester I could perfectly time squirting an arc of water by listening to their chirps and aiming towards the direction of the last squawk the second one went quite. This indicated they were diving in for a nip or scratch and the water would splash them inches from my face and they fly off or the their partner would go in. It was a bad day if you got caught by magpies with no water.

    2. Dandylions*

      Masked Lapwings are largish plovers that hung out on the shore and we had a nesting pair near the campus entrance. They were cautious, calm things that never bothered anyone. I was stuck walking to work due to a flat tire, when I heard a battle cry and got slammed hard in the back of my head. I looked up and was shocked to see the usually amiacable masked lapwing circling high above me looking for another opening to strike. I kept my eye on it ready to dodge it’s attack only to get slammed and have my ear nicked by its mate. At that point I realized I was out numbered and out classed so I sprinted away waving my arms frantically to divert the attacks. I got several scratches and cuts on my arm but thankfully none were deep. They chased me a good 50 yards. I arrived to the lab bloody, soaked in sweat and winded. I asked everyone what on earth was up with the Lapwings today and they all just dryly said “Nesting season. Everyone knows to avoid that entrance in November.” Like me arriving bloody from birds attacking was the most boring and unremarkable thing that could happen on a late Spring morning. Annoyed I said “Well no one had warned me! Guess I’m teaching covered in blood today!” Before I stormed out to clean myself up some.

  114. LibraryIT*

    I used to work at a library in Milwaukee. Before I worked there, they had a lot of seagulls that nested on the (flat) roof of the library and would hang out on the edge of the roof, notably over the staff entrance. One of my coworkers used to carry an umbrella every day to come into work to avoid being pooped on by the seagulls – a not uncommon occurrence. Luckily before I started, they were able to move the seagulls off the roof.

  115. Slow Gin Lizz*

    I used to be a full-time freelance classical musician. (I do still do it on a part-time basis but it’s nice to have an office job with full benefits and a regular salary.) I played in a small chamber orchestra that would have a retreat at the end of the summer where we would rehearse most of the day and swim every day before dinner. The place we stayed at had train tracks running directly through the middle of the property. This was not a safety issue, because the train would come through only 4x a day, and it was very slow and VERY loud – it was required to blast its horn at every road crossing and thus you could hear it coming for about 20 minutes before it chugged its way slowly through the property.

    Anyway, one time we were outside on a break and someone was walking on the RR ties and stepped on a yellow jacket’s nest. Cue a giant swarm of angry wasps on the defensive. We quickly retreated inside to discover that a few people had gotten stung. Hilariously, it was only the people who played viola in the orchestra who got stung, thus coining our new collective noun: a swarm of violists. Not so hilariously, it was also on this occasion that I discovered I am allergic to wasp venom, and I got a fun little ride in an ambulance to the hospital and now carry an epi-pen with me at all times.

    This place also had a bat who would take up residence in one of the dormitories if someone left open one of the windows that didn’t have a screen on it. We managed to coax it outside several times and learned to stop leaving those windows open. Luckily it didn’t bite anyone and was never found in a room where someone was sleeping or else that person would also have had a fun trip to the hospital for rabies vaccines (which would not be fun).

  116. A Teacher*

    I have a facility dog that I take to work. She’s service dog trained but was too social so she become a working facility dog. High School Teacher. She hangs in my room daily.

  117. Arthnold Manacatsaman*

    I used to work at a small, rural university that was part of a large, state-wide system. One of my students fostered kittens and had two bottle babies that needed to be fed every two hours. She brought them with her to campus in a carrier (see: small, rural university) and asked if she could leave them in my office while she was in class. My office had recently been moved to the basement, and I was completely over that job by this point (these two facts were not unrelated), so of course I said yes and even offered to take over some of the bottle feedings. All was good – we kept it on the DL and my enjoyment of work increased by 1000%.

    Then one day I was alone in my office, sitting on the floor and playing with the kittens (because obviously), and I hear the Chancellor’s voice coming down the stairs. Reader, she is giving a tour to the BOARD OF REGENTS of the entire university system. Like, some of the most powerful people in the state are coming down the stairs, my office door is fully open, and I’m sitting under my desk with two contraband kittens.

    Holding my breath, I manage to push the door so that it’s only cracked open, and then I sit there PRAYING that the kittens don’t start mewling for food. Thankfully, the chancellor just gives a quick description of the space and proceeds to bring the regents upstairs. I let out a HUGE sigh of relief.

    I left that job shortly after and I’m pretty sure both kittens ended up being successfully adopted.

  118. Bll*

    I work at a university, and one day we had a mole wander into the building lobby (having presumably strolled over from the patch of grass just outside). I got a large plastic storage container and a broom and tried to gently sweep him into the container to take outside. He made some SERIOUSLY upset noises at me, at which point a lab tech emerged to look at me, coaxing and gently sweeping this little critter that was squawking and scurrying away and simply said, without moving or attempting to help, “that’s a mole.” Thank you, good sir! That is super helpful and also new information!!

    Anyway, the mole was eventually unhappily (but gently!!) swept into the container and returned to the lawn out front.

  119. I’ll do it when the Olympics are over*

    The summer between college and grad school I took a house cleaning job in Western New York state, virtually the opposite side of the planet from the Australian Outback. One day a movement caused me to look up to see a smallish (-4ft) kangaroo?! I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while it happily explored the brightly sunlight grass between the houses and then hopped off into the woods. I turned to my cleaning partner who was staring out the window with an equally shocked faced. “Did you just see…” “Yep.” “No one’s going to believe us.” “Nope.” One coworker tried to convince us it must have been a pooping deer. Soon there were reports of “marsupial sightings” all over the area. Authorities believed it was an illegal pet Wallaby that had escaped. So, I guess they were technically correct that we didn’t see a “kangaroo”.

    1. Nina*

      At 4 feet tall, a kangaroo-looking-thing with no larger kangaroo nearby is probably a wallaby. Apparently one escaped from Coney Island in 2023, so not unheard of.

      Unfortunately we have them in the Bay of Plenty in New Zealand as well, escaped from a zoo and started breeding :/

    2. I strive to Excel*

      Not a work story, but similar! When I was relatively young we lived in the Pacific Northwest of the US. We were driving to the local town through local farmland. There’s a lot of animals there – we were used to seeing horses, cows, sheep, migratory geese and swans, etc. But this fine day my brother in the back of the car bolted up and said “Mom – there’s a zebra!” My mom, naturally, said “of course there’s not a zebra, we’re in the middle of nowhere”. But he insisted. So mom turned the car around, saying “there’d better be a zebra!”

      Readers – there were two zebras. I still don’t know why.

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Wasn’t there a story recently in the area of two escaped zebras; could it have happened twice???

  120. Lady Lessa*

    Several adventures. Both of these were from my first job. We had our lab on the 2nd floor and one man tended to feed squirrels on the window sill. One came inside and led us a merry chase. We caught it with a very large beaker and board underneath. Another time, a small bird with a towel.

    In CA we accidentally chased a lizard underneath HR’s door and immediately heard screams

  121. Collarbone High*

    I worked in a strip mall store that was next to a restaurant, which meant the employee parking area behind the store was also home to a dumpster that was circled at all times by aggressive crows.

    I was opening the store on a wintry morning when I slipped and fell on ice. My store keys flew out of my coat pocket and skittered across the parking lot, glinting in the sun.

    I made a dive for the keys, but a crow swooped in, snatched the glittering prize and soared away.

    My explanation of how I lost the keys was … met with skepticism, shall we say.

  122. Lisa*

    My newer dog has discovered she can lie on my desk with her back legs on my bed, and she thinks this is the ideal place to be. While she’s cute and this makes ideal petting position for her scruffy head, it means her claws can easily type on the keyboard, which leads not only to “me” messaging my coworkers with nonsense like “000….0……” but also with her muting my mike during calls. I’ve considered rearranging my bedroom/office, but sometimes, the distraction is nice. :)

  123. Midwest Manager too!*

    We have a skywalk between two buildings. The screenless windows are always open, regardless of the weather. During the spring and summer months, birds will frequently get trapped in there, and the facilities team is notoriously slow to respond. I’ve started keeping a cardboard box in a room near the skywalk, and I use that to help the poor things get out. Over the past 5 years, I’ve freed pigeons, crows, finches, at least one morning dove, and numerous sparrows.

    1. Worldwalker*

      Many years ago, I lived near an Agway store that had a huge greenhouse. And early one spring, a gorgeous male hummingbird moved into the greenhouse. You’d go there to buy plants and he’d be buzzing around, or sitting on a rafter watching the humans.

      From his point of view, I suppose, he’d found the perfect spot: It was warm (he was an early arrival from migration), it was full of flowers, many of them in hanging baskets right near where he liked to sit, if he wanted a drink there were several garden fountains on display, and there were plenty of wonderful perches. True, for 10 or so hours a day there were humans wandering around, but he got used to that. He eventually moved out when it warmed up and he had to find a mate, which the staff sadly reported. I moved myself before the next spring, so I have no idea if he came back.

      Hummingbirds do come back to the same place. I usually have a feeder on my home office window, and if I’m late putting it out in the spring, a hummingbird hovers in front of the window, staring in and looking highly disgruntled.

  124. Applesauced*

    I work in a coastal city, and our office is about 2 blocks from the waterfront.
    We are the top floor of a building with a metal roof.

    Do you know how seagulls eat?
    They pick up clams and drop them on something hard – like a roof – to break the shells open.

    Thudding, banging, clanging, crashing. All. Day. Long.

  125. Cabbagepants*

    This is very low key but my job moved me and my husband to a hot southern US state in a pretty traumatic manner. I felt very awkward at the new location. The tiny silver lining is that my husband and I both love reptiles, and they were everywhere at the new location, so my tiny daily joy was walking around the building at lunch finding and sharing pictures little lizards. maybe I was that weird new person (no one else went outside besides to go to their cars) but I don’t even care.

  126. Waylaidbyturkeys*

    Working as a mail carrier, I was filling in for a route at another town’s post office. I returned from my route, parked my mail truck and before I could get out found myself surrounded by 3 adult turkeys! And boy did they circle that mail truck! Anytime I tried to get out they would lunge at the door. I was honking the horn madly but it didn’t disturb them one bit. I called inside to the clerk with my predicament and was very mundanely told “Yeah. It’s a known problem. Just wait it out until they get bored”

  127. Wendy the Spiffy*

    A friend of mine worked front of house at a huge winery that hosted concerts and events throughout the year, including a classic car show. This winery also has resident peacocks that freely roam the grounds. At this particular car show, a peacock wandered by a car that had loads of shiny chrome all over it. The bird saw his own reflection in the bumper and immediately went into attack mode, trying like hell to get at that other damn peacock — and like most male birds, he had beak and claws going for him and caused several thousands of dollars worth of damage to the paint job and the shiny metal bits of the car.

  128. Froggi*

    I work for a university in the admissions department. One day, our student workers found a guinea pig that was roaming by the library. We think that a student got caught with a pet in the dorm and set the scared guinea pig “free.” Fortunately, one of my colleagues had a couple guinea pigs as pets. She went home, grabbed a blanket, cage, and some food. The student workers eventually caught the guinea pig, and we kept it in my office for the rest of the day because it was the quietest part of the building. One of the students took it home and named it Pancakes.

  129. Geese Goose*

    We had a pair of Canadian Geese nesting in the landscaping right up against our building. Canadian Geese aren’t known for their social skills at the best of times but when they’re nesting it becomes Jurassic Park but with honking and feathers. They chased everyone who came in the front entrance, which happened to be closest to their nest. We had signs for people to go around to the side entrance so they didn’t get a goose bite, which was likely because Papa Goose would stand guard right on the steps, hissing and honking at you.

    Our CEO was annoyed that grounds wouldn’t get rid of the geese and went to great lengths to try to get them to leave on their own including installing fake owls around the top of the building himself to scare them off; he went up on the roof in a suit. It was awesome. He tried clapping at them, chasing them with a broom. They chased him right back and cornered him at his car. After a lot of swearing and hissing, he got into his car and left. The geese were allowed to stay.

  130. EvilQueenRegina*

    An email sent out to our entire building once about lost live caterpillars managed to freak people out once.

    (It was a delivery intended for a local school, but had ended up being delivered to the main council office by mistake, and it happened that someone at the main office had the same name as the person at the school who they should have been sent to, so she got the caterpillars by mistake and couldn’t understand why she had received this delivery.)

  131. too many dogs*

    I work at a public library. Like most libraries, we have a “night deposit” for people to return their items when the library is closed. We have received:
    2 kittens (separate times)
    1 large snake
    1 duck

      1. too many dogs*

        The deposit slot is about 4 feet off the ground, so they were deliberately put in by people. We still don’t know how they got a full-sized duck through it. The kittens were scared, the duck was indignant, and the snake was seriously annoyed.

        1. KittenRescuer*

          the snake would give me serious ptsd if I was the one who discovered it….

          also, people suck.

        2. Quill*

          The snake *could* have gotten in if the building wall has enough texture for it to climb, but why would it?

  132. Cheese Goddess*

    One of my very first jobs was as an intern for a Shakespeare camp. Our camp location was plagued by very hungry, daring squirrels, who were, of course, enticed by any food they could smell. During the final performance, while the potluck treats parents had brought to be enjoyed afterwards were sitting on the picnic tables, I was deputized to keep the squirrels away from the goodies. This involved the use of a long wooden practice stage combat sword (I did not hit any of them, just jabbed it in their direction to shoo them off). I tried to be as discreet as possible, but the picnic table area was in plain view of the audience, and I had multiple parents come up to me after the show to tell me that, as much as they loved watching their kid perform Shakespeare, their favorite performance had been me vs. the squirrels.

    1. Rara Avis*

      The squirrels at my school dined well on leftovers. They would get into the garbage cans (outside) and come flying out when someone walked by. Their vertical leap heights were impressive.

  133. BookWitch*

    I am the bug-saver in residence at my office! Several of my coworkers are grossed out by spiders and extra creepy-crawlies. When the weather is crappy, the bugs get thrown in the bushes right outside the door. But on nice days, they get tenderly placed in the shrubs on the far side of the park next to us. It would be rude to just abandon them in their new home, so I take a couple laps around the park at a nice leisurely stroll, you know, just to make sure they are settling in nicely.

    1. Quill*

      We are starting to screen the spiders at work into two categories: yeet and keep.

      Yeet spiders do things like try to set up shop in our shoes or on our desks, look too plausibly like brown recluses at first glance, or run at us. They are caught in sample cups and deposited in the landscaping cacti.

      Keep spiders are large, slow, and live in prime bug-catching locations in the back, where they deal with our fly problem and don’t step on the experiments.

  134. Anonysquirrel*

    When I was in school, I interviewed for a library desk student helper job. The library and school were in a semi-rural area – close enough to a lot of trees but also the animals were close to you. During my interview it became clear that a flying squirrel had gotten into the library office and was running around. Obviously this derailed the interview. But I caught the squirrel! I got it outside! I was the hero! I…did not get the job. I still think I demonstrated great skills and should have gotten it.

  135. Mouse named Anon*

    I have a couple –
    I worked on a large campus type thing a few years ago. We had lots of wildlife. Alot of hawks and squirrels in the summertime. The squirrels were incredibly tame, bc they saw so many humans every day. The entrance I used, had a roof that came down pretty far. If I stood on my tip toes, I could touch it (old building). As I was coming in I noticed a squirrel, munching away on a nut. Almost immediately a hawk comes swooping down and lands right next to the squirrel. We all 3 froze. The hawk looked at me, I looked at the hawk, the squirrel looked at both of us. We all just stood frozen for what seemed like several minutes. I am sure it was only a few seconds. Finally, the hawk said forget it and flew off. I feel like I saved that squirrel, on that morning. I thought about adding it to my resume but wasn’t sure how to word it.

    1. Mouse named Anon*

      Another time in the spring, we had a fawn that was curled up in the grass next to the parking lot. It was sooo tiny. Apparently fawns will sometimes just drop and Momma deers will come back for them eventually.
      https://deerassociation.com/the-science-of-fawn-survival-leave-it-where-you-found-it/

      Well no one would believe and our poor facilities manager got like 20 calls about the deer. Eventually they had to go over the loud speaker at work, and tell everyone they knew about the fawn. To leave it be and not report it please.

  136. The Owner's Dog Bit Me Twice*

    The owners of the company where I work bring their dog to work and he should NOT be an office dog. He is fearful if he is not around the owner and thus he attacks people regularly. He has bitten my foot twice. It’s never enough to draw blood, but the first time it happened it made me uncharacteristically anxious about going to the floor where he usually is. However, I’ve complained about this to HR and the solution was to have that floor’s admin wrangle the dog whenever I’m there.

    I guess it’s an okay solution, but I gave up on any meaningful changes when I was in the CEO’s office for something the dog bit me on the foot right in front of the CEO. I admit I was actually startled, yelled “what the f*ck” in front of the CEO, ran into the office and shut the door in the dog’s face. The CEO made a bunch of excuses while I was waiting for him to complete the task he was doing for me, but my only win in this situation was that I didn’t cave and say “oh, it’s alright.” I just kept redirecting the comments and never said “it’s okay,” because that’s not okay to me. I was wearing sneakers and the dog made a mark on my foot through the sneakers. But it was in front of the actual CEO, so I didn’t even bother making a complaint to HR. Lost a lot of respect for the CEO after that.

  137. dulcinea47*

    I keep thinking of more things… when I worked in a public library we had a bedbug sniffing dog that came in once a week. I’m not sure if it was terribly effective but it was cute!

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      We had one of those come to our apartment building once! There was a local outbreak and the managers wanted to make sure none of those little demons were around. I had a great time petting the dog1

  138. Dark Macadamia*

    When I first started teaching I worked as a sub so I had to deal with a lot of shenanigans from students. One day I was subbing in a portable and kept hearing random hooting/cooing type noises and couldn’t figure out which kid was doing it. Finally I said whoever was making those sounds needed to stop and a student said “we thought it was your stomach” (what). The sound continued and eventually I figured out that a pigeon was sleeping on top of a heat vent outside, and its voice was coming through the vent!

    I currently teach in a portable (sigh, this is my lot in life lol) where we regularly get wasps. I’ve gotten very good at catching them in cups and putting them outside with minimal disruption to the class, although one time an oblivious student almost put her hand on top of one and we all screamed.

    Another time while supervising recess a bunch of students ran up to me talking about lizards mating in someone’s hat! He brought it over and sure enough there were two lizards getting intimate in there. I took a picture and made him return them to the bushes.

  139. Former Bookseller*

    I ran social media for an independent bookstore. I had several posts I was immensely proud of. A poll of the staff on what they used as bookmarks that started an international Twitter debate on the appropriateness of dogearring pages. Instagram pictures of the postcard that fell off the wall one day and turned out to be an invoice that was pinned there for 27 years (it was older than most of the staff). The album of photos from event for a book on the history local jazz performance that was attended by multiple featured artists who posed with their chapters. The time I realized we were having a very busy day that happened to touch on most aspects of the business, both the super-splashy and the ones that typically stay hidden, and wrote an epic Twitter thread showcasing all the impacts a local business has on a community that went viral and got national news coverage.

    When I was looking at moving on, I drew up some statistics to add to my resume. My top performing social media post of all time?

    The picture of the lost dog we found outside the store one day.

    (To be fair, it was retweeted by S.E. Hinton, which was unexpectedly cool. And he did find his way home, but via microchip, not social media.)

  140. Kimmiejo*

    Outside of a window on our corporate office’s second floor, an owl took over a crow’s nest and laid her eggs there. All of the eggs hatched and there were four adorable baby owls. Unfortunately, the window was right be a cubicle where someone was trying to work and the constant traffic of people wanting to see the babies became a huge distraction. Fortunately, someone came up with an amazing solution to set up an “owl cam” where we could all stream video of the nest without having to disturb our coworker.

    1. Worldwalker*

      In a city I used to live in, a pair of peregrine falcons raised a family every year on a ledge outside one poor guy’s window. He had to go through the whole nesting season with his window blinds firmly closed so as not to disturb the birds.

  141. Wine not Whine*

    OldJob was in a historic mansion on a very park-like estate. Deer in the parking lot or on the lawn were so common as to barely rate a comment or photo.

    The mansion’s “solarium” (a large, glassed-in sunroom) is used for larger meetings and presentations. I was in there one sunny winter day for some department meeting when a few of us noticed a couple of coyotes leaping around, wrestling and playing in the snow.

    I lost all lock for several minutes on whatever was happening in the meeting – and I’m sure I was far from the only one.

  142. Czech Mate*

    I was a hospice volunteer in college. The volunteers and caregivers were prohibited from attending patient funerals, so once a quarter we would have an all-staff “funeral” where we would meet to commemorate and reminisce about the lovely folks who had passed away in the past three months. I was very on-edge for my first hospice funeral–I’d never met most of the other folks (you mostly just show up to see your assigned patients on your assigned days and that’s it) and so I was keenly aware that I was going to be making small talk with folks I’d never met who were also grieving.

    One of the volunteers had a Bernese mountain dog that she brought with her to meet all of her patients. The dog itself was extremely sweet and much beloved by the patients. For those who aren’t aware, a full grown Bernese mountain dog is easily twice as large as a golden retriever and more or less resembles a bear.

    The funeral begins. I’m tearing up listening to the volunteers and caregivers tell their stories, and as I do so, I’m absentmindedly petting the BMD. It decides we’re best friends. BMD places two club-like paws on me and attempts to climb into my lap. Bear in mind, I’m a 110 pound college student. The BMD is easily about 140 pounds. Trying not to draw attention to myself, I try to subtly push the BMD off of my lap. BMD is undeterred. BMD WILL have pets. BMD and I end up having a silent, slow motion wrestling match for the rest of the hospice funeral. When the service ended, the owner looked over at me and said, “I think he likes you!”

    1. sara*

      My aunt had a BMD who liked to think of himself as a lap dog. We had a memorial service for my grandfather in the park (during covid) and the same happened to me while in a camp chair. Thankfully was all family so when we slow-mo tipped onto the ground everyone just laughed. And also delightful because the dog also used to try and get in my (somewhat frail, 96yo) grandfather’s lap in a wheelchair and my grandfather thought it was hilarious and the best part of his day.

      1. Czech Mate*

        Yes! That’s why he was a fantastic hospice dog. I would have loved to have him sit on my lap…just not…you know…then.

  143. Joyce to the World*

    Not a real animal, but entertaining to say the least. A couple of weeks ago at the office, some one put a device that made a sound like a crying cat on top of the refrigerator (it’s in an alcove). We are one of those offices that very few people work out of full time. The rest of us are doing our hybrid work schedule. Maybe someone was feeling salty about the forced return to office one day a week. Two girls looked all around trying to locate the cat. Maintenance was called and they determined that the cat was in the ceiling duct work. A HVAC company was called and they searched through the duct work and nothing was found. Apparently this went on all day. Some one did eventually find the device as it was sitting on the front guard’s desk the next morning. I am wondering if camera footage will be reviewed to find the culprit.

  144. Eek a vole*

    I used to ride at a barn that was on national park land. There were a number of environmental guidelines, but when it came to the mouse population, the rangers were willing to look the other way about a few barn cats. That is, until the resident cats got old and spent most of their time sleeping on office heating pads rather than patrolling for vermin. The local rat snakes couldn’t keep up, so the staff brought in a new kitten to deal with an explosion in the mouse numbers. The new girl took to her job with enormous enthusiasm, disdaining the seniors’ kibble in favor of her prey, which she devoured down to the paws. Within a few months there were almost no mice left…and she branched out to hunting other park denizens. The last straw was that she strolled into a meeting of the senior park staff, trilling proudly, to drop an only mostly dead chipmunk in the middle of the conference table. It was agreed that she had outgrown her role, so she was gently directed into a new position as home churu inspector for a retired park employee.

  145. Bat lady*

    Our newsroom rents space in a semi-old building, and a few years back we had a bat get in, presumably through a hole in the ceiling tile. I’m a manager and was out at an interview. Wrapped up and saw I had several semi-panicked emails, calls and texts from one of my reporters who was not sure what to do about the situation.

    Got back and it was just a little black bat dude chilling in a corner, not bothering anyone. Kind of cute, honestly.

    We alerted the other company we share the office with. Their manager, who does not manage our staff, immediately told me I wasn’t allowed to work in the office until the bat was removed because I was pregnant (???), I ignored her and we got a bat removal guy to come in. He trapped it in a Tupperware container, released it outside and told us it was likely a juvenile who was migrating. We named the bat Balthazar, and our editor wrote a brief item about it in our newsletter. One of my more fun days at work, honestly.

  146. Bletchley Bark*

    I fostered two bottle baby puppies (Turing and Bletchley Bark) and had to attend a two-day conference during their care. I called the location and they were thankfully pet-friendly. So I brought the pups and they slept through the presentations, and on breaks I gave them bottles. Most people at the conference had no idea, but a small group of dog-lovers joined me at the breaks to cuddle and feed the pups.

  147. Latetotheparty*

    1. We had two Rottweilers that roamed the office after hours as security. The boss wouldn’t hold them in his office until I was out of the front door. I lasted about a month.

    2. Our office was close to a river and geese were plentiful. Birds, in general, are not my friends so I had to call my assistant to come out and escort me on the days they stood between me and the building. I lost that job during COVID. It was the best job I’ve ever had.

  148. VinnyVinnie*

    I used to volunteer at a local wildlife museum/rescue, and they briefly had a deer in an enclosure (waiting for a local farm to have space to take it in–the museum was really too small to hold the deer). All of the animals at the museum couldn’t live in the wild, either from injury or because people took them out of the wild as babies to ‘save’ them or keep them as pets. This deer was no different; someone had kept it in their home in Boston, thinking it’d be a good pet. Then it got too big and destructive so they called the museum to give it up.

    The deer got out one day and I looked out the window to see a ring of adults attempting to shepherd it back in. The deer was pretty big at this point. It would charge each person playfully, stop short, sometimes give them a lick or muzzle, then trot back to the middle of the circle to do it again. It took them like an hour to get this guy back inside. Very entertaining to watch.

    Volunteering there was very eye opening as to what people try to keep as pets and how thoughtless they can be in how to care for them–one lady was shocked the owlet she found couldn’t eat cat food. She called the museum for advice and when they told her it was a crime for her to even have taken the owl from its nest, she left it in the museum’s mailbox during summer instead of going inside to drop it off. The owl luckily was fine, if a bit of a jerk (it liked to poop on us).

  149. DanielleZuko*

    I’m not proud of this, but–about fifteen years ago, I was aggressively recruited to move to a midsize city in a new state to work at a new firm that pitched itself as an up and comer. And it was not. The guy I worked for was a crook, and his girlfriend–despite not being an employee in any official or rational sense–liked to come in and give all three of us on staff random makework and even more random opinions, all of which were to be treated as gospel. My previous position had been short in tenure, so I felt like I had to stick it out for two years in this town where I knew no one, was working way too hard, and wasn’t receiving the promised raises and bonuses because we were “losing money” (i.e., the crook in charge was skimming from the top, the bottom, and anywhere else that could be skimmed.)

    The one bright spot in all of this came when the boss and his girlfriend bought a dog, a sweet white pomeranian I’ll call Snowball. To be fair, they appeared to be affectionate and fairly responsible dog owners, but they also liked to drop Snowball off at the office to be dog-sat whenever they wanted to take an afternoon off to eat expensive lunches and go to the spa on the company dime. I truly enjoyed playing with Snowball, and I badly wanted my own dog but wasn’t going to adopt one when I knew a move was in my imminent future, but had no idea where or what my living conditions would be.

    So I decided–for both my own emotional comfort and out of overwhelming passive-aggressiveness–to become the dog’s favorite.

    I brought treats. I brought toys. I gave belly rubs. If I had meat for dinner, I’d bring in the leftovers for a doggy snack. I let Snowball sit on my lap while I worked (and got rather good at typing around her). She’d ride with me in the car if I ran out for lunch; I’d walk her anytime I had a second. Given that business was unsurprisngly lackluster due to the terrible management, I could devote a significant chunk of every single dogsitting workday into making the office a canine wonderland.

    Snowball was no fool . The boss and the girlfriend became more and more crestfallen as their dog–who liked them well enough!–would go absolutely ape upon the first sight of me. You could see them wilt a little bit every time Snowball greeted me like I was a messiah returned, which was pretty much daily.

    Over time, of course, they started bringing her in a little less and stepped up their own dog-parenting game, investing more time with her. So when the time came for me to leave, I felt like I had actually improved Snowball’s life in a lasting way, and that she wouldn’t be too wounded by my departure. Nobody got hurt; it was a lot of fun for me and for Snowball; and if it soothed my petty fury in the process, well, why not? And the dog really became a source of emotional support for me during a tough time in my life.

    After my departure from that company and that city, I didn’t hear from that boss again once until more than a decade later, when he let me know Snowball had died. So much time had passed. But I had to pull my car over and cry.

    Thanks, Snowball. You were a good dog.

  150. AnonForThis*

    We are in a rural-ish area north of Los Angeles.

    There are coyotes. With baby coyotes (who are really cute but that’s not the point) so they are active and spend some time near our entrances.

    A memo was sent out from the executive team on what to do to stay safe from being attacked by coyotes.

    The entire advice: “when leaving the building be aware there are coyotes. Make sure you make noise so they know you are there.”

    This has been met with amusement and questions about maybe finding another option to assist with this. We’re in CA so this isn’t unheard of to have coyotes in the area (at least it’s not bears?). The people who get here really early are the only ones who see the coyotes…hopefully they are making noise.

  151. Jay (no, the other one)*

    I’m a doc and have worked in geriatrics and hospice for much of my career. Pets are very therapeutic (there’s evidence) and we try hard to keep people connected to their pets and to offer therapy pet services, usually dogs. Years ago I worked at a nursing home that had a cat who lived on one unit. Only one, and they were very accommodating to residents and families who didn’t want to live with a cat. The cat was a great success so they decided to get a dog. I heard about this on one of my monthly visits and couldn’t wait to meet the pooch. Imagine my surprise when the charge nurse proudly took me down the hall and I met….a mastiff. A full grown English mastiff.

    I love mastiffs and this one had a lovely temperament – sweet and gentle. Unfortunately he was HUGE (as mastiffs are) and we had a unit full of frail elderly people. Even if he didn’t jump on people (which he didn’t) he was always in the way. One of the staff took him home after a few weeks.

    1. Bletchley Bark*

      I used to volunteer for a shelter program where we would take volunteers’ dogs and shelter cats to retirement and long term care homes for an hour a week. The staff always managed to pick great cats for me, and one week they had two of them for me instead of one. I didn’t know what to do, so brought both of them with the plan that I could switch them out halfway through. That particular week was the visit to hospice care, and on arrival I placed a large, fuzzy tabby cat on a woman’s lap. After a few minutes she got teary (clearly remembering many happy times with her own pets) and the cat made it clear he didn’t want to move, so I tied the harness and leash to her chair and told her that I’d be back in an hour. The other cat happily met with everyone who wanted a short visit, and in the end I was very thankful that the staff made a happy mistake.

      Pets can be some of the best medicine, yet a mastiff… that’s a lot! My memory of all the program dogs was that they were small. I have brought my large (60 lb) dogs to visit family in retirement homes but those were short visits and we only spent time with people who loved dogs (as we walked to our destination we were typically asked by at least several residents if we could stop for a few minutes and we always happily let them have a cuddle). When I was a volunteer for that therapy program I wasn’t sure at first if anyone would want to see the cats, yet some people were afraid or religiously unsure of dogs so my shelter cats were always very popular. Plus when we returned I made a note on their shelter card that they were well behaved at these visits and that seemed to help their adoptions because they were always adopted by the next week.

    2. Bletchley Bark*

      To add:
      Recently a retirement home decided they wanted a therapy dog for the residents, so they reached out to rescues and found a quiet, older dog whose only goal in life was to cuddle. It was such a great fit! The residents and staff were happy, and the dog got a great home. Sometimes it can be hard to find a home for older pets so this was a great situation for everyone.

  153. BookWitch*

    Oh! I have one more!
    I was headed to lunch one day and found a work friend in the parking lot, clearly quite upset. Usually this guy is a bit on the gruff side, but has a heart of gold. Just very no-nonsense when it comes to work stuff. This was the most upset I’d ever seen him and he was close to tears. I asked what was up and he had found a dove that must have hit the side of our building and had a pretty bad head wound. Coworker had a call a local bird rehab center, but they hadn’t responded just yet and he had to go to an urgent meeting, but didn’t want to abandon the bird.
    Luckily the bird sanctuary called back right then and said they could take the bird, but we had to drop it off within the next hour or so. We work at a very chill place, so I was able to text my boss what had happened and let her know that I’d be pretty late getting back from lunch because I had to take a dove to the bird hospital. The rehab facility texted us later that the bird made a full recovery and was released in the same neighborhood.
    We joked that bird rescue is covered under “other duties as assigned” since it was all quite outside of our job descriptions!

    1. Rara Avis*

      We had a sad bird incident at school. Kids eat lunch outside; pigeons and seagulls find out and appoint themselves clean-up crew; a hawk decides to profit from the pigeon buffet. It was an old school with no AC, so on one hot day the library doors were open to the central quad. A hawk swooped in the door , pursuing a pigeon at full speed. It tried to exit through the high clerestory windows on the far side of the room — which were not open.

  154. Zora*

    I’d quit my job and was coming in to the office to close things out. On the drive, I came across a stray dog running the street. I pulled over and she ran right up to me. She didn’t have a collar and we were out in the country, so there were no houses nearby. I knew I’d have to take her to a shelter, but I also didn’t want to be late for work, so I decided to bring her with me into the office.

    So I strolled into my last day of work (it was a bit of a tense separation) with a giant, stray pitbull, thinking I could just have her hang out by my desk while I finished things up. My manager unsurprisingly told me to leave and come back without the dog.

    (This was early-ish in my career, but I’d had enough experience that I should have had a better handle on professional norms at this point.)

    A few years later I met up with that manager to catch up and he told me that he still told people about the employee who pulled some weird power move by showing up with a pitbull on her last day of work.

  155. Not a Cat*

    I worked for a semi-low budget resort in college, where people could rent out condos and bungalows for the entire summer. The unfortunate thing was that most people would adopt pets like dogs and cats and then abandon them at the end of the season (all were found homes by staff, all animals in this story are safe and loved). Corporate helped us change some policies so we could crack down on that pretty hard and saw a lot of improvement. My last summer there we only had one or two stray cats that the office staff were trying to catch before we closed for winter.

    The night staff caught them and took them to their designated homes, but left the dish of food out. The morning staff came in and scooped up the fluffy critter eating the cat food, thinking they caught the last stray cat. It was an opossum. The opossum and my coworker looked at each other, both totally confused. She put him down and he went on his way. He still came around looking for food sometimes, which let to the maintenance crew feeding him and naming him Otis.

  156. sara*

    I worked at a zoo/aquarium for many years. Through university, I worked in the cafeteria on-site, and then later I worked as an animal keeper for about 8 years. This story comes from when I was working in food&bev, because I feel like bizarre animal stories when you’re a zookeeper are both too ordinary and not the point of this thread…

    We used to have feral peacocks that would come around. They weren’t part of the animal exhibits just were around both in the public park near our facility and inside the outdoor areas. Peacocks are beautiful but territorial and kinda mean. But families would send their kids over to pet or have a photo op with these wild animals. And especially in their breeding/nesting season, the peacocks would have none of it… Usually they’d just flap off but sometimes if it was really crowded or the kid was really persistent, they’d be more aggressive. And rear back and use their claws… Usually just a scratch and a terrified kid (and of course we’d have to call first-aid etc due to infection).

    But there was a summer where this got really out-of-hand and we had multiple kids getting their faces gouged out by these peacocks and requiring stitches etc. It was horrendous for everyone, and usually the parents would blame us because why did we let such aggressive animals be walking around, Umm, they’re birds and they just fly in and why was your child trying to ride it or cuddle it?

    Anyways, the graphics team made a bunch of signs urgently to warn people away from the shiny murderous birds. But text-only signs didn’t work so they then urgently made signs that had a drawing of a child having their face attacked by a pigeon. And so for a week (i.e. until someone higher up noticed and made them redo them) we had signs with a fairly graphic drawing of a child bleeding from their face posted around the cafeteria seating areas.

    Through all this, of course the city and parks animal control were involved (and I think there’d been a few similar incidents not inside our facility) and the peacocks were all rounded up and “sent to a farm out of town”.

  157. Mouse named Anon*

    Another time in the spring, we had a fawn that was curled up in the grass next to the parking lot. It was sooo tiny. Apparently fawns will sometimes just drop and Momma deers will come back for them eventually.
    https://deerassociation.com/the-science-of-fawn-survival-leave-it-where-you-found-it/

    Well no one would believe and our poor facilities manager got like 20 calls about the deer. Eventually they had to go over the loud speaker at work, and tell everyone they knew about the fawn. To leave it be and not report it please.

  158. Forrest Rhodes*

    I just want to thank everyone for these stories. My production this morning is at a very happy zero because I’m having way too much fun reading about bats and geese and spiders and such. (Bats and turkeys and spiders, oh, my!)
    Thanks, y’all!

  159. Annie*

    I brought my dog to what I thought was the empty office in peak COVID times. She wandered into a client meeting. The client was the chief of our equivalent of the ASPCA. Client was pleased. Dog was pleased. I was mortified.

  160. Rivi*

    I work in higher education and my first grown up job was as an advisor at a community college. They were remodeling the advising center when I was hired, so advising, welcome services, and testing were all in different classrooms working in like quasi-cubicles where we could all see each other. Advising was in one classroom and testing was across the hall. A pair of individuals came in for testing with their service animals. One of the animals was a chihuahua in a service jacket. The other was a full-sized pony in a service jacket. Being young and loving animals, I was very excited to see them come in. The testing staff and other advisors…not so much. Our process was that after students tested, they would then meet with an advisor to review their scores and determine placement. I was assigned to a special program, so didn’t generally work with regular students. However, none of the other advisors wanted to work with the students because of the pony, so I volunteered.

    Meeting with them was uneventful, as expected. They were nice. The animals were fine. My colleague who sat across from me complained after that if he’d known he’d be staring at the pony’s rear the entire time, he would have volunteered to help them so he could at least see its face instead. About twenty minutes later, my very posh and proper boss runs in to our area and exclaims, “Where’s the horse??? Rivi, you can’t just let a horse come into the advising center!” I responded that it was wearing a service jacket, and she told me I need to ask in the future what service the pony is providing before I let them access services.

    A few months later, I had another student (one of my own students) who came in with a boa constrictor. Boss was totally unfazed by that, but I guess we draw the line at service ponies…haha.

    1. Roy Donk*

      I am an election officer in my state, and in our mandatory training before every polling day, we have to be reminded that only dogs and miniature horses are federally allowed to be service animals in America, and therefore allowed in the polling place. Once someone asked what the difference was between a pony and a miniature horse. No one knew the answer. God help me if I ever have to discern this on Election Day.

        1. Quill*

          Aka like two and a half feet, a miniature horse is in no way rideable. (I mean… if you have a toddler? I wouldn’t trust a toddler to ride a horse and not try to bail though even if they could theoretically hang on…)

      2. I strive to Excel*

        There’s a noticeable size difference! Miniature horses, especially the ones trained as service animals, are big but not much bigger than big dogs. They cannot be ridden by an adult under any circumstances (although they can be trained to draw carts).

        There’s also a temperament difference. Miniature horses are very trainable. Ponies, almost universally, suffer from Small Man Syndrome and are generally jerks.

  161. Anonforthis*

    I worked briefly as an admin for a couple who ran their own business. The office was a cabin out in the woods and a beautiful place. Not long after I joined, the family’s older German Shepard (who had free run of the property) began bringing “trophies” to the office. Like multiple catches a week. He would prance about, throw them in the air, and just generally brag. Apparently he had never done this before I started working there – and my bosses were FREAKED OUT over the dead squirrels, rabbits, voles, and ground squirrels. My childhood cat did this once in a while, so I was much less weirded out. I just thought there was an animal overpopulation that season or something.

    One month into the job, my boss tearfully came to me and said she couldn’t handle it anymore, and I was put in charge of disposing the bodies. By winter, the catches were fewer but still happening and they talked about maybe rehoming the dog with their son. They took the dog to the vet, who said nothing was wrong. Ultimately, business was slow and I was let go the next spring, but I really think part of it was that they thought my presence was encouraging the dog to kill. …And maybe they were right. Months later, a friendly part-timer reached out to me know there had been no trophies/bodies since I left.

  162. KittenRescuer*

    In a rural area I lived I once worked at a restaurant that was only open 5 days a week for dinner. Kinda fancy but still in the country so mice were always an issue. We had a property next door that was just an old farmhouse no one lived in, but the owner liked to do the landscaping and stuff. There was a cat that lived in the barn there that we would feed scraps (this cat ate better than I did most nights- salmon, tilapia, steak LOL) so that it would hang around and keep the mouse population down for us. Over the years we saw the cat with several mice, so it was definitely working. Unfortunately, after a few years of this, the cat passed from its old age.

    After that, we had a few more cats come through that would hang around for a few days and have a meal or two, but eventually move on. It wasn’t until I realized the skinny white cat that had shown up had actually been hanging around for a few weeks and was getting much bigger and we didn’t think it was just from the food. It was apparent she was pregnant. I kept a close eye on her and when she wasn’t around after we returned to work from our weekend, I was a bit worried. Luckily, she showed back up the next day, but she was skinny again! I gave her the can of food I usually did but then when she was done, I said “okay, where’s the kittens?” and she meow-ed as she led me to the back of the property to a tall barrel that was mostly empty, aside from some grass that had settled at the bottom, and of course the kittens. There were 5 and they were all so tiny and cute. I don’t think she had them in there, because it was so clean, so I figured she must have moved them there for safe keeping. But we were expecting a bad storm that evening and I didn’t want them to get stuck in there. This was all before dinner service started so all through dinner, I was thinking about what to do. My husband was living away from home at the time, waiting for me to move myself and our belongings with him at the end of the busy season at my work. I called him when it slowed down and I talked to him about it (no one else at the restaurant was as invested as I was, so they were all just waiting to see what I did) and we decided to move the momma and kittens into the green house that belonged to the owners of the restaurant, because they didn’t use it for much anymore. The cook at the restaurant has longer arms than me so I enlisted his help to fish the kittens out of the barrel (i have no doubt if we would have left them in there they would have drowned in the rain from the storm if momma cat didn’t move them somewhere else) and put them in a box with a few kitchen towels to keep them cozy. We put them in there with momma kitty and plenty of water and food for her.

    For the next two weeks or so they all just hung out in the green house. I would check on them every day before work and before I went home to make sure they were okay. There was an incident with a large rat one evening which we only found out about because it was lying near their little box nest and had been unalived by the momma and she had moved herself and the kittens to an old hanging basket that was on a storage shelf. She was smart to get them off the ground, it makes me think she would have been fine with them that first night but there’s really no telling. However, at this point the kittens were quickly becoming rambunctious, and I knew with the weather heating up they might need a change of scenery. Cue me having a spare bedroom and no husband at home to tell me no. So, I called him and informed him of my plan (I remember being a bit toxic and saying I was bringing them all home and if he said no, I would cry, not really my finest moment but it worked lol) and that evening I took them all home with me.

    Once we got home, my 100lb bloodhound mix mutt was VERY interested in his new siblings. He quickly learned to keep his distance due to the momma cat batting at his nose, but they still did a good job co-existing. It made me feel like the momma cat had been around dogs before since she was so chill with him. My mom had been staying in the house with my husband and I, so she helped to keep an eye on them while I was at work but luckily all the kittens survived, momma was fixed and returned back to the restaurant area, and each of the kittens was adopted by someone (I kept one but he passed away when he was just a few years old).

    A bit long winded but if you’re on AAM, then you have some time to spare anyways ;)

      1. KittenRescuer*

        Thank you for reading it! I loved taking care of all of them! There was one blonde/golden colored tabby (I kept), a darker tabby (my mom kept), and three all white babies- one with two black dots on its head, one with one black dot on it’s head, and one all white no markings.

        Two of the white ones went to their new families as soon as they were old enough and same with the momma going back to the restaurant. A friend of mine took the other white one but she needed me to keep her for about a month after it was old enough for some reason I don’t remember. I was happy to do this and having three older kittens in one house is definitely a handful. They are so cute tho!

  163. Legally Brunette*

    TW: animal death.

    Back when my Dad was enlisted during Vietnam, he used to work on planes that came back in need of repairs. One particular overnight, days before his enlistment was up, he heard high pitched screaming from the tarmac, followed by a rapid small arms fire. Turns out a burly military police officer encountered a king cobra at full height and hood out, that had come out of one of the planes, and the MP had eliminated the threat. Strange things happen in Jersey, but Dad said that was the strangest he’d seen. He also avoided the bellies of the planes for the remaining days of his enlistment!

  164. KareninHR*

    The first and last time I brought my dog to work, he peed on the copy machine. Right into the paper tray.

  165. Chaotic goose in a box*

    I have a few that stick out to me:

    1) I worked on a university campus and, while dogs were not technically allowed in buildings, people brought them in occasionally. It was Christmas Eve and most of my department was out, including all of leadership, and there were just a few of us holding down the fort, including me. I brought my dog to work with me on request of my colleagues. She peed on the carpeted office floor within 5 minutes of entering the building. Genuinely think she thought it was grass. I cleaned it as best I could, but there was a stain that our director noticed and commented on a few weeks later… luckily nobody ratted me out.

    2) I used to work for a youth development program that is particularly famous for programming involving raising farm animals, but realistically that was a small part of what we did and I worked in a fairly urban area. During a summer where a highly communicable disease was decimating the swine population and there were especially strict regulations about moving swine, I got a call from a gentleman who asked if he could rent a live pig from us “for a party” (???). He refused to understand that, 1) we are a youth development program, not a farm, and we do not have pigs–some of our participants might, but we do not; 2) that this is a city and there are very few swine farmers around; and 3) even if the previous 2 were not true, it would be literally against USDA regulations to bring a pig to his party. He was furious and claimed he was going to report me to my manager. I told him he was welcome to.

    3) Wild turkeys terrorize the part of the college campus where my partner works. They regularly become so aggressive that they need to be caught and released hundreds of miles away because they start chasing students walking to class. Recently, my partner’s son was driving my partner to work. The son texted the family to say they “almost got carjacked” by a group of turkeys. He stopped for them to cross the street, but this was “apparently an insufficient display of reverence which was punishable by having them attack the front bumper.” My partner got out and made angry turkey sounds at them and chased them away.

  166. Ghee Buttersnaps*

    One hot July day about 20 years ago, I noticed most of my co-workers were outside surrounding something in the parking lot. We had been seeing a kitten on and off over the past few days, but apparently on that particular afternoon, they found her hiding up in the engine area of one of our delivery trucks, so they were able to get her out and were gathered around holding her. Since I was sort of afraid of cats/didn’t like them, I decided to go out there just to have a look so I wasn’t the only one not getting a break in the day! They asked if I wanted to hold her, and I declined a few times, but was finally convinced to hold her for a few seconds since she was so tiny and cute. Well…I immediately fell in love and couldn’t put her down to find her way back into the woods. I knew she probably wouldn’t make it much longer. She was malnourished (she weighed in at just over a pound, and was obviously hungry & thirsty). I called my husband (who also disliked cats), and told him I was bringing home a kitty who needed a home. Needless to say, she stole all of our hearts, and lived with us where she was fiercely loved until the end of her 16 year life in 2021.

  167. I edit everything*

    Not exactly an animal-at-work story, but close enough. And it was a cool experience.

    I was leaving work a couple weeks ago, and my path to the parking garage took me past some of those picnic tables that are plastic-covered metal mesh. A small songbird was sitting one of the tables and didn’t fly away as I approached, which made me curious. So I went over to check it out. It still didn’t fly away, so I wondered if it was somehow caught in the gap of the table. I put my finger down in front of it and nudged a bit, and it very calmly stepped up onto my finger. And would not leave. I tried taking it to a tree, hoping to get it someplace safer and more sheltered (there are hawks in the area, too). No go. I tried a giant planter, where it could hide amongst the greenery. Nope. I did the whole hand-lifting thing to encourage it to go. Nothing.

    So I sat down at the picnic table and just let this bird sit on my finger for a good ten minutes. It didn’t seem at all concerned, even when I stroked it. Eventually, it gave me a look, opened its mouth (but didn’t make a sound), and flew off. I suspect it might have hit the window of the adjacent building and was stunned, but I’m not sure how it would have gotten to the table.

    I later identified it as a red-eyed vireo. And yes, I have video.

  168. nora*

    I used to work in a semi-rural area. The building was next to a field surrounded by woods. One day I happened to look out my window and see a fox trotting out of the woods into the field. I ran to my next-door neighbor and dragged her to the window to watch nature’s majesty with me…just in time to see the fox take a long, long pee.

  169. Alisaurus*

    I once worked at the front desk in a tiny office. One Tuesday after a long holiday weekend, one of the ladies from the spa came over, quite distressed, looking for any of our male staff. She looked so upset when I told her they weren’t in that I asked what the problem was. Turns out they had come back to find a deceased rat behind their copier. None of their staff wanted to get anywhere near it, plus apparently it smelled.

    Being the no-nonsense tomboy that I am, I immediately offered to take care of it. My boss and Spa Lady were both a bit shocked but didn’t stand in my way. So I grabbed a garbage bag, followed Spa Lady across the parking lot, and rather uneventfully scooped the poor rat up and took it out to the dumpster. (If I’d had any doubts I was anosmic up until that point, they were quickly dispelled by the fact that I didn’t smell a thing while the Spa Ladies were all covering their noses and looking quite green.)

  170. Syzygy*

    Last year I adopted a cat I’d been fostering for months, a spicy tabby named Monkey. Monkey loves attention and loves to play, but when he’s excited or frustrated or hungry or feels ignored, or it’s a day of the week ending in ‘y,’ he bites. Initially he was quite aggressive, but time, patience, and help from a cat behaviorist helped stem the bloodletting.

    The company I work for is remote. and everyone knows Monkey, because when we jump on our daily Zoom meeting, he demands attention. If he can’t step on the keyboard, he’ll try to overturn a table lamp or a plant or the television; if I ignore that, he’ll start nipping my leg. We keep our cameras off and I’ve gotten good at keeping my train of thought while fending him off, but my coworkers know that if there’s a long pause or a bobble in my speech (or a cry of ‘Monkey, NO!’), it probably means Monkey is at it again. He’s become a meme – when deadlines loom, we’ll say ‘Monkey says DO IT!’

  171. Nannerdoo0dle*

    Trigger Warning: Animal Death
    At my job we have windows that are mirrored for the outside. Birds fly into the windows a lot. We’ve put stuff on the windows to try and help the birds, but for the most part it doesn’t help. One morning I came into work and saw an outline on the window of some large wings, and below in a huge splatter of dried blood. I went outside to investigate and found the remains of a bunny from the shoulders down. We reviewed the security camera footage and it looks like a hawk with its catch flew directly into the window. It was so dazed that it left its food behind.

  172. Over Analyst*

    When I started my first office job I heard that they had only recently moved from a different building on campus to the one they were in when I started. The new building had us in cubicle farms in big windowless areas. I guess the old building had windows where my team sat, and I loved hearing the stories of Alyssa’s squirrel. This squirrel would come to the window almost daily, and Alyssa would put out nuts and seeds for it to enjoy.

  173. Schnapps*

    I was hosting a training session in a room and there were two raccoons in the trees outside making baby raccoons, right outside the window. Then they had a long nap.

    In a previous life, we had a couple of office dogs. One was a black lab who was initially training to be an assistive dog and was lovely. She ended up being in their breeding program and after she had her final (3rd) litter, she was fixed and adopted by the person who raised her.

    The other office dog was named Hero and he was a retired therapy dog – even though he was retired, it’s not great for them to be alone so his person would bring him in. Anytime anyone started getting anxious at work, he would come over and sit by them or lean against them. It was amazing.

  174. Nightengale*

    I taught biology in a residential school for kids with behavioral disabilities a little over 20 years ago. I had a major in molecular biology which meant that I knew lots about cells and DNA but had never taken a college class on plants and animals. And in fact my own high school biology class had not really focused much on plants and animals either.

    Every plant and animal question on campus came to me.

    The most memorable animal ones

    1) the other dormitory came in from an outside activity and found an egg.
    the dorm supervisor called me and said “we found an egg, it might be a snake egg or a turtle egg. What do you think it could be?”
    not having seen the egg I didn’t have much more than, “it might be a snake egg or a turtle egg” myself. I did eventually get a look at the egg. Also this was pre-internet so we had a couple of ancient encyclopedias and a biology text at our disposal. I finally just recommended returning the egg to wherever they had found it

    2) acquiring two supposedly female hamsters and then discovering that we in fact had a male and a female hamster, shortly before we had a lot more hamsters. One of our students was very animal inclined and he was the one who informed the rest of us of the very brief gestation period of the hamster.

    Also trying to medicate one of the hamsters. This was a joint project with the headmaster who had a lot more animal experience than I did. But I was the science teacher and I also had eye droppers. There we were at like 10 PM in her office, the two of us, discovering that hamster rib cages are mostly cartilage, which makes it tough to get a good grip on a hamster while someone else squirts medication into the hamster’s mouth.

    3) we had a fish tank and someone got new plants for the fish tank

    one of the plants came with one or more snail eggs. Now there are many different species of snails but some of them hatch formed out of eggs and can get to the business of laying more eggs and creating more snails very rapidly. We went from a snail to several snails to snails covering the walls of the tank.

    The dorm supervisor (yes the same one) charged me with solving the snail problem.

    I had had fish as a kid and still had a book about aquaria and looked up snails. It said you could put a lettuce leaf in the aquarium and the snails would all rush to the leaf and then you could remove the leaf and all the clinging snails. We added “lettuce leaf” person to the kid’s chore rotation. For 2-3 days we seemed to be keeping the population in check. Barely

    The dorm supervisor told me I needed to call the fish store and find a fish who would A) eat the snails B) not eat the other fish and C) happily eat fish food when the snails were gone.

    I sort of stared at her through the phone after she said that. I called the fish store. I explained the snaily situation and said my boss wanted me to ask them for a fish who would A) eat the snails B) not eat the other fish and C) happily eat fish food when the snails were gone. To my surprise, the fish store person didn’t laugh at me and hang up the phone. She said “you need a [whateverfish]” I drove to the store, bought a [whateverfish], took it to work and it in fact did exactly as advertised.

    1. Humble Schoolmarm*

      Ah, the hazards of Science teaching. Weirdest teacher gift ever: “Here miss, we found a lamb skull and thought you would want it.” (I do, in fact still have it, not being sure what else you do with a lamb skull).

  175. Bromaa*

    Not terribly dramatic, but I once had to call up to my office (up on the 6th floor) to let them know there was a single large and extremely Focused goose directly in front of the only easily accessible entrance. Apparently I was not the only person to be delayed by The Goose that morning.

  176. Nonanon*

    I have a velcro pug, who will often take her naps cuddling up next to me. Sometimes, this is right next to my laptop. I usually don’t care (aside from the typical “huh this is not a comfortable position but if I move I will wake the dog up”) and will go about my day with cuddles. A few years ago, I was on a Teams call with my boss when out of nowhere, he asked why I was growling at him.

    Reader, it was my dog snoring. I did not realize how sensitive my microphone was at picking up background noise. I’ve moved to taking calls while a computer is actually on a desk, away from any pug interference (albeit she is very upset she doesn’t get the cuddles she deserves).

  177. Dittany*

    One time, a meeting got derailed for about 15 minutes because there was a moose outside in the parking lot and everybody clustered at the window to look at it

  178. Anon for this*

    I do dog rescue and was looking for a foster.

    One day, the shelter next to the school where I teach advertised a pup that was cleared to be transferred as a foster. He was cute as could be and since I was in the area anyway, I volunteered to pick him up. The problem was that I had a class to teach right after. But this dog was so cute that I knew he’d be gone to another rescue group by the time I was done with class.

    So I did the logical thing, and got the puppy and brought him to class! (I had time to send an email to students who were potentially allergic or fearful that I would be having a dog in class and that they wouldn’t be marked off for nonattendance if they didn’t come.) My students loved it. He was so tired from the shelter, he just slept all class, but for years after, I had students coming up to me and asking how he was. He was adopted just weeks after I took him in to a wonderful home.

  179. Anon Again... Naturally*

    Early in my career, I was working in a building that was backed by a protected wetlands area. Normally this was not a problem, but one time a great blue heron wandered over to the parking lot and started attacking side view mirrors. Our security guard went outside to try and chase it off and got promptly chased back inside. We had to wait for animal control to come deal with it, by which time over 20 side view mirrors had been shattered. I always wondered if the insurance companies noticed the huge uptick.

  180. Magneta Sky*

    One place I worked had a chemical plant next door. They store bags of raw materials in their outside yard. We had a family of squirrels living under our air conditioner. Mamma squirrel and the babies were ordinary squirrels, but Poppa squirrel would regularly been seen climbing around on the bags of chemicals for hours on end. He was, in short, stoned out of his mind all the time. The result of that was that was *very* aggressive. He would literally chase our customers around the parking lot. Our owner had an RV in the back parking lot where he’d go to eat lunch. One day, Poppa squirrel came running into the camper and *snarled* at him. We all had a mental image of him at home with the family, wearing his wife-beater short, and yelling at the kids.

    (In theory, his behavior could have been attributed to rabies. But not for months on end. He was just a stoner.)

  181. Lab Snep*

    I was working in a rural lab. I have two stories.

    1) I was working a night shift. As we were the lab, the air intake went through us first. The air intake was next to the garbage.

    This was not usually an issue.

    I was looking out the window, saw a housekeeping staff open the door and IMMEDIATELY SLAM IT.

    Suddenly it was as though we had a skunk IN THE LAB. The little stinker managed to spray right at the intake.

    The housekeeper was fine, but we had to go all the way to the other end of the lab with a portable phone until the smell went mostly away.

    It still smelled like skunk for DAYS.

    2) same lab, different animal. A squirrel ran in when someone opened the door, scurried into the lab and made itself at home inside the bottom of one of our reagent fridges.

    Fearing the squirrel would damage the wiring, and after maintenance unsuccessfully tried to lure it out with a peanut, we moved everything from the fridge, turned it off, put a note on it that said “DO NOT TURN ON DUE TO SQUIRREL”

    Maintenance ended up luring out and shooing it away, this time with a peanut on a string.

  182. Sometimes hiring*

    When our office shut down in March 2020, an employee had been using the bottom drawer of her desk to store her sweatshirts (it was always freezing) and snacks. In June, when we started going back in rotations, someone noticed mouse poop in that employee’s cube. Turns out leaving sweatshirts and snacks for multiple months provides an excellent mouse nest. The entire drawer set had to be throw out.

  183. Lego Accountant*

    I work at a marina. We have guest moorage, which is basically a campground for boats. We built a new breakwater dock, which is attached to land at one side, so there’s only one way on or off. There’s a small floating office moored about halfway down.

    We didn’t anticipate that the seals would love this dock so much. We were in the middle of pupping season and there are extremely strict laws regarding approaching or interacting with seals, and even stricter ones about their pups. Well, our employee was out working in the office and a seal decided to give birth on the dock right outside the door. She was trapped in the office both because she didn’t want to break the law and she also didn’t want to get bit (those things get big!). She finally had to call our maintenance department and have them bring the little boat over so she could climb out the office window onto the boat so she could go home.

  184. Nuke*

    Back when I was still in the office, I came to work one morning right after a big thunderstorm had ended. Right outside the door, there was a sparrow on the ground. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open, so I’m assuming she either got caught in the storm and was exhausted, or bonked into the window. She had no visible injuries. I’m an experienced Animal Person, so I gently scooped her up and held her. Right at that moment, the coworker I was friendliest with walked up from the parking garage. When he saw me, he threw his hands up and went “Really!? What the hell is this??” because it was simultaneously ridiculous, and also completely in character for me. He called me “Snow White” for the rest of the month.

    As for the bird, I put her at the base of a tree in the shade, and checked on her on my morning break 2 hours later. She had flown off, so I assume she just needed a bit of rest! I still have a picture of her in my hand so I could explain why I was a few minutes late to work, lol.

  185. Sheila*

    A former colleague once brought her ferret to work when we were doing weekend overtime, as the office was en route back from the vet! It was a very cute and well-behaved ferret, to be fair.

  186. foofoo*

    Not me but my partner relayed to me how a high up VP was giving a presentation in a large room that had windows overlooking the city. The windows were behind the VP so he wasn’t able to get a view out the window. A pair of pigeons landed on the ledge and started to do what male and female pigeons do, quite elaborately and vigorously, in full view of the attendees who were desperately trying to pay attention to the VP’s presentation and not burst out laughing at the hot pigeon sex going on in front of them.

  187. Galileo Humpkins*

    This story is less about the animal and more about the insanity I worked with. I used to work for a shop on a historic square which meant that the space was very small, uneven floors, etc. Because of that we had signs up that said no pets and no strollers. One day a woman comes in with not only a dog but one completely off-leash and I reiterated the sign and asked her to take the dog outside. She ignored and said “It’s okay, I’ll pick her up” and strolled off. Later, the married owners called a meeting with me because some customers had complained to them that I had enforced their rules. They then proceeded to argue with each other about if they really didn’t want dogs/strollers/people using our bathrooms etc. But they kept telling me that I made the wrong choice even when they couldn’t agree on what the right choice was.

  188. Harriet Vane*

    My kids’ high school was scheduled to be torn down and replaced, so the school district wasn’t too fussed about tackling the infestation of bats that popped up in the auditorium and surrounding hallways for a couple of years. They put up posters reading, “If You See a Bat, Don’t Touch That!” which had to be reprinted and reposted numerous times because they became a coveted collector’s item, and not just among students. Instagram accounts arose featuring bat sightings and tongue-in-cheek skits about the bats. And (almost) everyone agreed that the presence of live bats swooping overhead during the building’s last all-school musical, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame,” added a lot of authenticity to the presentation. People still talk fondly about that old building, which was a gorgeous midcentury gem, and about the bats, too.

  189. NotJane*

    I know this isn’t as exciting as the wildlife encounters but I literally JUST NOW had to go upstairs and tell my boss (a very busy & stressed attorney) that his dog pooped in my office and he needs to come clean it up.

  190. raincoaster*

    Given my side hustle is pet-sitting, I have TOO many stories.

    The one that sticks in my mind was the time I was hired to look after two dogs ($68/day) and when I arrived found it was two un-neutered bully breed males, one of whom had KILLED someone, three cats one of whom needed medication, and a lizard that needed to be hand-fed live mealworms and bathed daily. So it should have been $118/day plus ten for bathing and ten for medication. But my ride had already left, and it was a small town with nothing bus service to the city. I was stuck.

    Oh, and I’m pretty sure there was a meth lab in the basement, but it was multi-padlocked, so who knows?

    1. raincoaster*

      Oh, and there was the time I was petsitting on a houseboat and all of a sudden BANG! BANG! Something was smashing against the bottom of the pontoons. The dogs went nuts sniffing the floor and I ran outside to see if this was a Rainbow Warrior situation and we needed to evacuate before French frogman sank the ship.

      The next-door neighbour was outside laughing while watching me freak out. “Oh, that’s the sea lion. He does that to get the attention of the females.”

  191. Liane*

    I’ve mentioned a few times that my university work-study job was recording textbooks, reading and providing other assistance students with disabilities needed for their classwork and exams.
    “Lena” was one who became a friend. Lena was blind and my usual task for her, in addition to recording textbooks, was to read her quizzes and exams and write the answers she gave me. Lena’s seeing eye dog, “Galahad,” was a beautiful brindle boxer. Galahad was great at his job, but when we were just sitting around he was also very, very good with the “Please, please pet me” look and body language. It was super power level. Since I love dogs and petting a guide dog in harness is wrong, I sometimes literally sat on my hands. Thankfully, if we were just hanging out, Lena would take him out of harness.
    I lived in an on-campus efficiency apartment complex meant for juniors, seniors and grad students. It had a pool. One Saturday I had invited, Lena, Galahad, my boyfriend (now husband), and another friend for a small cookout. Lena unharnessed Galahad so he could join the 4 of us in a sort of tag game. (The rest of us called out so Lena could locate us.) Lena showed us Galahad’s official state paperwork saying he could legally go anyplace. Later we decided to go to pool. Being college students, we thought it would be entertaining if security or a housing employee would order us to remove the dog, so Lena could tell them “Nope!” and pull out the paperwork. Nobody did. What a fun afternoon. It’s been almost 40 years and I hope Lena is still doing well. (Galahad, sadly, passed away a couple years after this, from cancer.)

  192. akh*

    Oooh I have one! When I was teaching as a graduate student, we had shared “offices” in old dorm buildings (I put “office” in quotes because it was in a remote part of campus, very hard to find, and the offices were literally just dorm rooms with the bed frames removed. Several people had issues with mold and allergies, it was alternately boiling hot and freezing, etc.). The most notable part was the sign in the women’s bathroom, which read “Please keep the lights on. When they are off the cockroaches come out, and the screaming is very disruptive.” I didn’t hear screaming or see cockroaches personally, but I’ll always remember that sign.

    1. GoryDetails*

      I love that sign! (Not so fond of roaches, though – would definitely have left the lights on. Although… the lights can attract other large insects…)

  193. Alisaurus*

    Just thought of several more from a different job – that office building wasn’t even in a rural space but we had so many animal run-ins…

    1) Canadian goose nested right outside of our staff entrance – as in, laid her eggs on the rubber mat. Our brave maintenance team waited until the mama goose had gone off for food, then one stood guard and the other quickly and carefully scooted the mat 5 feet away. Mama Goose was apparently unbothered by this fact and spent the next month hissing at anyone who came to work from the other side of a small fence. On the bright side, we got a close-up view of the hatchlings because the new nest position was right outside of the break room window.

    2) We had several opossums get into our attic – and then fall through the ceiling tiles at varying times. One fell into a locked office over a weekend and destroyed the entire place trying to get out. Another fell directly in front of a coworker when she exited a bathroom stall. It took a while to resolve the issue, too, because we had a couple of big trees near the building and they kept finding ways to leave the tree and get into the attic.

    3) We also had a colony of bees build a nest in the attic and everyone had to evacuate the building and WFH (this was long before COVID) for a couple of days so a professional exterminator could handle the issue. You could hear buzzing everywhere in the building. I learned about it from my boss who was severely allergic to bees as he literally ran past me out the door, yelling to go work from home until the bees were gone.

  194. MoosesComeWalking*

    Ages ago when I was working as a teacher, I arrived at school one morning to find a moose hanging around the door where the children would shortly be arriving. I was duly instructed, along with a coworker, to attempt to lure the moose away from the entry door. I’m not entirely sure what administration thought we were supposed to do – I wasn’t getting anywhere near that thing! We went around the corner and played moose calls off of my coworkers phone. Fortunately for us, the moose ignored the heck out of us. Fortunately for everyone, the moose did elect to wander off just before the students arrived.

  195. Roberta*

    One of my first jobs was at a family restaurant on a island just off the city. I was the hostess. I was a crap hostess but it was a crap restaurant so it balanced out.
    The primary job I had was, among other things, keeping the various critters from walking into the restaurant because the door was always open.
    19-year old me had to shoo out pigeons, seagulls, ducks, geese, and swans out like 6 times a day. Children would try to pet the geese, despite my warnings. The stole fries and pooped on my tables.
    I am no longer a bird person specifically because of those menaces.

  196. WellRed*

    And now I want an update on the horse CEO linked above. Especially as that letter came in two months before Covid, I wonder how that shook out.

  197. Editor Emeritus*

    At one place I worked I had a ground floor office, and wild turkeys would stare at their reflections in our windows during mating season. We would also leave at the end of the day to see them on the tops of cars in the parking lot. They are big and scary birds. It’s not unusual in Massachusetts to have to stop on state routes to wait for entire flocks to cross the road.

    Another company where I worked had a few suburban campuses with Canada goose problems. They actually had a “goose dog” in one location, trained to scare the geese away but not pursue them. One of the campuses tried a creepy-ass coyote statue that they would move around the grounds. Not sure that worked.

    1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      We had a Canada geese problem in my HOA. I was by far the youngest person in the HOA (about 25 at the time and everyone else was retired, so in their mid-60’s and older) and I loved the geese but everyone else hated them. One of the neighbors got a fake coyote and put it up in his yard to get rid of the geese. He lived on one of the lakes, so I’m not sure why he thought he’d be spared geese but…

      I decided to take a photoshoot with the coyote and pretend a werewolf had gotten me. I’m not sure this guy was thrilled to have an overweight millennial woman writhing on his lawn, squirting ketchup on herself and pretending she was bitten by his lawn ornaments. He did keep it up though.

      Until…one of my neighbors- I wish I knew which one- put a leash around it’s neck and put a water dish and a rolled up newspaper next to it.

      I guess that was the straw because he took it down shortly afterwards. I’m not sure what someone else would have done next, but I guess he didn’t want to find out.

  198. alaska is just built different*

    I used to work at a golf course in Alaska, and we had a lot of wild animals! They actually advertised the wildlife and used it to draw people in. It was mostly sandhill cranes and foxes – there were signs all over warning golfers that the foxes like to steal wayward balls, and house rules were that you get a free drop if they do. I think they had to occasionally close holes because of nearby moose, but the birds and foxes were more frequent visitors.

    This is totally unrelated but another wildlife story I love – when I was in middle school, one time my bus driver refused to let me off at my stop because there was a moose in my yard. He made me call my parents on his gigantic cell phone to get escorted home. I’m sure he was expecting them to drive over and get me, but a few minutes later, there comes my dad strolling up the drive. We walked back home together just a few yards away from what we later found out was a very hostile young moose.

  199. LibraryGal2015*

    I work at an academic library that’s located near a creek. During migratory seasons, Canada geese will take a break on our library’s lawn. Years ago before I came to work at this library, a Canada goose decided to stay, build a nest in front of a window (there are flat roof areas that allow for this), and lay eggs. The eggs hatched. There was a rescue operation to relocate the goslings from the roof (where they could fall like three stories up) to the ground.

    1. LibraryGal2015*

      Not as cute of a story: a few weeks ago I hear this buzzing in my office, near the lights. They’re usually quiet so I look up to see if one’s burning out or something. It’s this huge wasp looking bug! It was a Friday late afternoon so I think to myself “Well, it’s very likely it will fly away or die over the weekend, so I’ll leave it alone.”
      The following week, on a Thursday, I’m having a one-on-one meeting with a direct report. He goes “What’s that buzzing sound?” We look over — the wasp looking bug thing has gotten itself stuck behind the mesh shades to my office’s window! Direct report goes wide eyed whispers “That’s a mud dauber.” We stare at it for a beat and then he says “As long as it stays behind that shade, I think we’ll be OK!” We continue the meeting as the bug keeps bumping into the mesh screen to fly away.
      Two days later, the Friday after the first time encountering said bug, I’m eating lunch at my computer. I notice something moving from the corner of my eye. It’s the mud dauber. It has landed on my desk, and on my lunch. I take an empty Ziploc baggie from my lunchbag, cup the bag around the bug, and scoop it in. I zip the baggie, walk out of my office, take the elevator to the first floor of the library building, walk out the front door, and locate a flower bed nearby. I release the mud dauber into the flower bed.
      The following Monday: I’m walking into work from the north side of the building where the parking lot is located. Which is one floor down and the complete opposite side from where I released the mud dauber days ago. Guess what lands on my shoulder and catches my eye?
      I notify our go-to guy for facilities to have the campus facilities folks inspect the building for mud dauber nests.
      Granted, mud daubers only sting when heavily provoked, and the office mud dauber didn’t mind being carried around in a sandwich baggie. However, their nests are known to cause structural damage to wherever they happen to build them. Like to airplanes (yes there’s a section on mud daubers causing damage to airline jets in their Wikipedia article). I have not been notified if we actually had a mud dauber infestation or if it’s my Snow White animal friendship powers malfunctioning.

  200. hobbittoes*

    I work hybrid, and in a recent department meeting, our cat convinced himself my feet were dangerous pests and needed to be hunted posthaste.
    My “sorry for erratic movements, my cat is a mighty hunter of feet!” comment in the chat got a lot of sympathetic “haha” reactions …and I now shut the door to our guest room/office when I know I have a meeting.

  201. Alianne*

    When I started my current job, it was me and my boss on the second floor of a building in the heart of downtown that overlooked a vacant lot. There was a feral cat colony in that lot. I got used to the sights and sounds of them hissing at each other, wailing in heat, or just casually strolling through the waist-high grass and scrub trees yelling “Attention, this is my territory!” Also got used to crows and starlings perching on my windowsill peering in at me in my office, and the occasional perambulation through of a Very Lorge Woodchuck. I was so used to them that I would forget until I saw clients or delivery people startled by them.

    We moved to a new office building just before the pandemic, and all the other offices/businesses here are dog-friendly. I have met many good doggos, one of whom very proudly showed me his stick. The only fly in the ointment was the small terrier-type dog who belonged to an interior design place down the hall–he would sit by the office’s glass doors and growl at everyone who passed. The owners insisted he was friendly, but I never saw him wag his tail or indicate friendliness. Maybe that’s why they went out of business last year.

  202. Switchback*

    I worked in a secure facility, which meant a concrete block of a building with no windows. It did, however, have wildlife outside.

    In retrospect, I spent every morning for twenty years walking past a murder of crows just to get into work.

  203. girlie_pop*

    At my last job, I had a coworker whose elderly little chihuahua was her world. All of her and her husband’s kids were grown up and moved out, so she doted on the little guy so much, it was so cute. She always had cute pictures of him to share and funny stories.

    Every Halloween, we would have a big party at work and some people/teams went all out with their costumes. She would bring him dressed up as part of her costume and pull him around in a little wagon. One year, she was the little girl with braces from Finding Nemo and he was dressed up as one of the fish in the tank (and she even used saran wrap and some dowels to make his little wagon into a “fish tank”). I think one year she dressed up as Danaerys (sp?) and he was a little dragon. It was so cute and always made me smile so much.

  204. Swan whisperer*

    I worked at a wildlife center in an advocacy role, submitting comments on proposed government actions, speaking at selectmen’s meetings, and the like, when a situation arose in my own backyard. A swan living on a nearby river began attacking people in canoes and kayaks, and the town wanted to call in Wildlife Services to exterminate him! I sprung into action, speaking on his behalf in a public meeting and offering to train him. Sure, they said, we’ll give you one chance.

    My first encounter with the fella–they’d named him Genghis Swan–was when I was kayaking out on the river. I thought he was nowhere to be found when all of a sudden I heard a “whoosh whoosh whoosh” sound from behind me, and turned to see a gigantic bird (6-foot wingspan) headed right at me! I maneuvered out of his way, and our training began. I used aversive conditioning techniques to train him not to approach people in boats, and I taught the local residents to stop feeding him. In the end, he and his mate hatched several cygnets, and I like to think he went on to lead a long and peaceful life.

    1. Dancing Otter*

      A couple of suburban corporate HQ in my area rent swans for their retention ponds (flood control/drainage/generally scenic) every spring through fall. The swans will tolerate ducks, but woe betide the goose that tries to land in Their Territory.
      I’d love to chat with the owner of the rental agency. How did they come up with the idea of raising rental swans? How do they over-winter their inventory? Is this even a profitable enterprise?

  205. Not The Earliest Bird*

    I worked at a site that had a river that ran alongside it. There was a massive snapping turtle that lived in that river, right by our building. Some of the workers would feed this snapping turtle daily (he liked hot dogs and dog kibble). During a particularly rainy time, the river flooded, and Mr Snaps took up residence just outside the main vestibule, and was ANGRY about it. We all wound up using the loading docks to enter and leave, until the river went down to it’s regular level and Mr Snaps could go home to his riverbank.

  206. Tess of the D'atabases*

    We had a very lethargic mouse wander though our cube farm. I volunteered to bring my cat in, but no one found the humor in that. Apparently it died within the next couple of days – not sure why my company thought it was ok to have a mouse in the house, and not take immediate action.

  207. Sabrina*

    A coworker and I were doing spotted owl surveys, which are a lot of fun and involve walking around woods at night and hooting. Around dusk we’d head out from a local campground to hike to the survey spots. At the beginning of one survey I was wandering around the campground setting up my GPS unit. I wasn’t paying much attention to anything but the screen, which I why I was surprised when a women loudly called out to me from her campsite, “Hey! Are here about the bear?”

    It wasn’t uncommon for people to think I was a park employee since I was wearing a bright orange vest and had all my survey equipment. It was weird though that she hadn’t walked up to me to ask. I hollered back I wasn’t, and then asked “Where’s the bear? I should avoid it!”

    With a horrified expression she pointed just above me. I looked up. The black bear in the tree right over my head looked down.

    When the actual rangers showed up about 30 seconds later I got a very long and deserved lecture about bear awareness.

  208. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

    I used to work as an underpaid store clerk in a large flea market. For context, this is a western-style flea indoor market where vendors rent spaces, set up their areas with goods and prices, and then leave the day-to-day in the hands of the flea market staff, only coming in to add new merchandise or collect their sales. The flea market was in a former bowling alley and run by a wealthy owner who was a notorious cokehead. I have many, many, MANY stories from this place that include everything from haunted spoons and weird closeouts to hijacked trucks and antique corpses. But this is about the wildlife.

    The Bison

    This flea market was located in the middle of the prairie in a place with a number of bison ranches. Bison would occasionally escape their enclosure and wander into the parking lot. Usually they passed by fairly quickly but now and then one would decide it was the perfect spot to settle in for an afternoon nap. Part of my job was to “make the parking lot safe for customers.” Instead of any rational task, I was required to tiptoe out to the parking lot with a stack of orange cones and place them around the sleeping bison, as if people wouldn’t notice it there otherwise. Fortunately, this didn’t happen often but if you’ve ever tried to quietly tiptoe around an animal whose ancestral memory is being wiped out by puny two-legged interlopers, it’s very nerve-wracking. I got very good at running for shelter at a moment’s notice.

    The Antelope

    We would also get the occasional herd of antelope, which wasn’t an issue in itself because they’re pretty anxious and would leap tall SUVs in a single bound if they got spooked. However, somehow they knew that during hunting season it was illegal for anyone to shoot them within a certain distance of fences and buildings, so during hunting season they would hang out by the dumpsters like a gang of high school delinquents, giving us the stink-eye whenever we took out trash, the leader of the gang refusing to budge from his throne atop the dumpster.

    Then one day, one of them figured out the front doors opened inward and got curious. The whole herd soon followed. With so many breakables in there, none of us staff wanted to spook them, so while my manager phoned the wildlife service (who laughed so hard at us I could hear them all the way over to the register), the other clerk and I propped the doors open and tried whatever we could to encourage them to leave. The antelope did not care. A couple days later, some wildlife officers showed up and were able to wrangle them back out in the parking lot. The owner then replaced the doors with some that opened outward. This did not stop the antelope from trying to get back in and we would routinely hear them rattling at the door.

    The Mountain Lion

    Fred the Mountain Lion still haunts my nightmares. He showed up before the front doors were replaced, probably lured in by the antelope. The three of us who worked at the flea market all left at the same time at closing and we knew full well we locked the front door. The front door was unlocked when we got in the next morning. At first, we thought Fred was a taxidermy acquisition the owner brought in, as he sometimes does after hours. We were annoyed it was left on the counter blocking the register but chalked it up to the owner’s usual antics, so we went about opening up the store.

    Then Fred moved. We all froze in place and for a couple beats, no one so much as breathed. Then the manager slowly inched towards the front door and pulled it open as wide as possible, sandwiching herself between it and the wall, while the other clerk and I mentally wrote our obituaries. Fred jumped down from the counter and sauntered out the front door, pausing for a moment to give the manager a huff. Then he wandered out. He hung out in the parking lot until the wildlife officers showed up to relocate him. That time, they did not laugh at us or take their time showing up.

    The Gulls

    There was a huge population of gulls in the area that were supposed to migrate after breeding season according to every bird map and expert who swore to us it was impossible for the gulls to live there year-round. Usually the gulls were content to hang around the dump, but plenty would show up around town. One summer, a small group appeared in our parking lot, taking great interest in the dumpster. When hunting season came around, they had some bizarre skirmishes with the antelope gang but decided it was a sweet enough location to put up with the occasional hassle. We didn’t think it was going to be a problem.

    We were wrong. The gulls figured out how to get into the flea market, probably by watching the pigeons do it. It was warm and cozy up in the rafters and some vendors sold thirdhand liquidation sale food, so the gulls were content to live the rest of their lives with abundant food and plenty of warmth. For obvious reasons, this was a problem. It was already part of my job to take the long-handled bass fishing net and capture the pigeons to release back outside, so the owner decided that also applied to gulls. Gulls are not as compliant as pigeons. They are much louder, faster, messier, and angrier.

    I don’t know if anyone has ever tried to capture a gull in a bass fishing net, but it is not one of the easiest tasks, especially when the ceiling is higher than the net. Eventually, we came up with a system. The manager would throw a ping-pong ball at a gull which caused the gull to swoop down after it, then the other clerk would wave two large foil-covered pieces of cardboard to shoo it towards the front of the store, then I would leap out with the net and capture it, at which point the manager would have run up to the front doors and flung them open so I could book it out the front door with a screaming mad gull flailing in my net. We had about a 75% success rate, which we were quite proud of.

    Of course, the gulls would just get back in because the owner didn’t want to pay to fix the gaps in the roof where they got in. And in case anyone wonders how customers dealt with all of this, they mostly didn’t. We had so few customers, we could go days without seeing anyone else. We saw vendors more than we saw customers. I really think it the place was some kind of tax write-off for the owner since he had other businesses and a day job. If it wasn’t for the animals, it would have been a much more boring job.

    1. Anon Again... Naturally*

      I just had to say that your writing is wonderful! I for one would love to see more stories from your time at this job in the Friday open thread if you’re willing.

    2. Sc@rlettNZ*

      Oh, please, please come back and tell us more stories about your time there!

      I’m shuddering at the gull story – I’m terrified of birds and would rather have taken my chances with Fred!

  209. Trout 'Waver*

    One morning, the entire management team got an e-mail from our after-hours cleaning service telling us that if we didn’t take care of our snake problem they wouldn’t continue to service our building. Included was a picture of a 5-ft long black snake in the middle of our building, several rooms away and over 100 ft from the nearest door. Nobody has seen the snake before or since.

  210. Accidental Itinerant Teacher*

    It feels a little bit like cheating, as this story comes from a time when I worked at a living history museum and animals were part of the job, but this story is too fun not to share.

    It happened on a day I was working a school program at our dog run cabin. Normally for school programs we’d give our demonstrations and talks in the yard or on the porch before setting the kids loose to explore. However this was an unusually cold day so we lit fires in the fireplaces and set up our demos in the rooms of the cabin.

    Once they arrived, I took my group of kids into the room and had them all sit on the floor facing me and the fireplace with their backs to the open door. I started my demonstration and all was well. I did absently note a chicken peeking through the door, but didn’t think much of it as the chickens wandered as they pleased and we’re allowed in the cabin.

    Only it turns out that chickens enjoy a nice cozy fire on a cold day as much as the rest of us, and the only way for this chicken to reach this fire was to cross a sea of children. Rather than try to push herself through she chose to launch herself into the air. She did not make it all the way across.

    Fortunately, the little girl she landed on was wearing a hoodie with the hood up so she did not wind up with chicken feet in her hair. Unfortunately, this was not a group of kids who had ever encountered a live chicken before and it was pandemonium.

    I waded forward and managed to grab the chicken. We did eventually get the kids calmed down, and I gave all of my demos that day with the chicken firmly tucked under my arm to keep it out of trouble.

    The poor girl in question had to leave the room and unfortunately spend a good chunk of the field trip crying and being comforted by one of the chaperones. It’s been years now and sincerely hope she either forgot the whole thing or can look back and laugh at it.

  211. Unkempt Flatware*

    The time a guest at the B & B I worked in brought a wolf as a pet. Not a wolf-dog but an actual wolf he rescued as a pup from injury or something. This thing was massive and had very very long legs (part of how I knew this was a true wolf). It stared into my eyes and I did all I could to never make sustained eye contact. It was terrifying and awe-inspiring at once. He claims he fed it steak but always cooked out all of the blood to illustrate how safe he felt he was with his wolf.

  212. Kaerie*

    I used to work at a rescue facility for abused/neglected/abandoned farm animals, so I have a lot of stories. One of my favorites, though:

    We utilized volunteer labor quite often, including accepting court ordered community service hours. We had one kid that was 17, and required to put in a couple of hours per week, and thought he knew absolutely everything about horses. We had about 5 new rescues come in from the same herd, and they were extremely skittish. If any human got near them, they would run. If they couldn’t run, they would strike back, and that could be deadly. We have ways of handling those types of situations, but this kid thought he had the magic touch, or something, and was begging to get into the corral with them, which we firmly denied a few times. Eventually he signed out, and we thought he left. Nope, he actually snuck into the corral when everyone was busy elsewhere.

    We also had a donkey that was really great with calming down skittish horses, and the herd accepted her in their space, though they didn’t get too close to her. The donkey also *adored* people of all sorts. She would set her head down and push her forehead into your chest, and just walk forward. All you had to do was set your feet and pet her and she’d stop, but this was her way of saying “LOVE ME!” She was also extremely vocal, and would greet everyone with loud brays in an attempt to get attention and treats.

    We heard the donkey kicking up a fuss and went to go see what was happening, and found the teen sobbing and pinned against the fence by the donkey. Thankfully, she had placed herself between him and the rescue herd, and kept begging him for attention. He kept giving way to her, until he was trapped, and couldn’t figure out how to get free.

    She possibly saved his life, because the herd was nervous and stomping their feet, huddled against the opposite fence line in the corral, but the donkey kept him from getting close enough to them to make them feel like they had to defend.

    Once we freed him from the attention-seeking-monster, he left and I guess got his community service hours elsewhere, because he didn’t come back.

  213. GreenGirl*

    At my sister’s place of work there was a woman, Amy, who had seizure alert dog. There was another coworker, Chloe, whose boyfriend, Bob, was very allergic to dogs. This was fine until Chloe got engaged. She invited everyone but explained as the groom was allergic Amy was only welcome to come if the dog stayed home and Amy made sure her clothes were dog-hair free. Amy was not at all happy and demanded Bob take anti-allergy medicine so she could attend the wedding with everyone else. This didn’t happen so she complained to the owner. Owner shut her down and she spent a week going around making comments about being discriminated against. No one entertained her so she stopped grumbling and it was never brought up again. The wedding, I’m told, was lovely.

    1. OlympiasEpiriot*

      People shouldn’t invite colleagues unless they are actually friends.

      The whole wedding-list-must-include-everyone-in-the-office thing ought to GO.

  214. Freelance Bass*

    I used to work at a museum, and one of the exhibits featured chicken eggs. You could see adorable baby chicks hatching every day! Some of them were a special, rare breed of chicken, and the rest were the fuzzy yellow chicks everyone knows.

    Guests sometimes asked where the chicks went after they hatched. We were instructed to tell them that they were bought by bird collectors. That was true… for the special chicks. The fuzzy yellow ones were fed to alligators at the zoo.

  215. aceowl*

    I was sitting at my desk one day and shifted my keyboard a bit to change positions. A small gecko ran out from underneath the keyboard. I shot straight up and shrieked, scared my poor coworkers to death. Then I couldn’t even catch the little bugger. He was too fast. I felt terrible about screaming since I’m not afraid of reptiles, but it was the unexpectedness of it all.

  216. Cockroach Funeral*

    Worked at a place that had regular invasions of wildlife. Mice, bees, cockroaches, even a snake once. The wildlife were regularly disturbed by perpetual construction, and we were apparently their safe space.

    Except the cleaning service was pretty bad, too – made worse by low morale. We’d see an overturned cup with “do not lift, cockroach underneath” on the floor and people would roll their eyes and keep going without a second thought.

    Until the day we collectively rebelled and held a cockroach funeral. It laid, legs in classic dead bug pose, for a week. And then someone started a memorial. Over the next two weeks, more and more people joined in, until there were photoshopped family photos, pictures of mourning family members, candles, a tiny cardboard coffin, flowers, you name it.

    People came from all over the organization to view the display. The official photographer was called. Alas, I no longer have that photo, but we did get improved cleaning services afterward.

  217. Sarah*

    I used to work as an educator at a children’s museum and we had a small — very small — reptile rescue piece to our mission. One of our rescues was a ball python. She was not a small snake. Easily over 5 feet long.

    We also had a nighttime cleaning crew who liked to take her out and hang with her while they were cleaning, but they weren’t very good at doing up the latches on her tank when they put her back.

    It only took two incidents of a parent going into the bathroom with their baby to change a diaper right after we opened for the morning and finding a large snake coiled around the hot water pipe under the sink for the director to decide that a staff adoption would be a wise business decision.

    She now lives at my house and they borrow her for programming as needed.

  218. Retired Professor*

    I worked at a semi-rural university near a National Park. One particularly dry summer, there were many forest fires in the park which drove the wildlife down the mountains into the surrounding areas including the college town. One afternoon, we got an email telling us not to go to our cars until the bear left the parking lot. Sure enough, a big brown bear was meandering among our cars. Lots of jokes about how it must be a transfer student. Luckily it was summer, so there were few people and no students around. Eventually, the bear got tired of the parking lot and wandered off so we could leave the office and go home.

  219. canuckian*

    First school I worked at in my board was one building of a two building k-5 school (the two buildings were a five minute drive apart; one in town and the other just outside–when they’d combined not enough room in either building for all the kids).

    One morning I came into the larger building and found a squirrel (or chipmunk, this was over 25 years ago) running around my room. I always got to work early, so no kids around–got the janitor and we managed to encourage it (with brooms) to run out the second floor window. The building was red brick and he had no problem running down it to the ground. Janitor didn’t want to try and get it out the door because our entrances were split level and it wasn’t a straight shot from my door to the exterior doors.

    At my current smaller school, there are large gaps at the bottom of the exterior doors–as in you can see plenty of daylight under them. And we’re rural surrounded by fields and trees so, of course, we get mice. I came back one Sep to find all the ketchup packets in my side drawer and been ripped open and the ketchup eaten–and lots of mouse poop. When the rodent problem is bad, I will often find mouse shit on my desk, which I then have to clean up. We have Saber cleaning wipes, which we got when we were dealing with covid–so they’ll take care of any viruses the rodents might’ve left behind.

    A few years before that one of the downstairs classrooms had to be moved to a lightly used conference room next door for a few weeks because a rodent had died in the wall and they had to remove it.

    At my larger school, shortly after I started there, I walked in to my library and there was an about 1″-2″ spider (from leg tip to tip) on my floor. I’m arachnophobic and so looked around but there was no one else nearby that I could call in to take care of it for me. (I’m fine with spiders that stay outdoors but once they come in to where I live/work it’s over). So, because it was too big for me to step on it–it might jump on me (it’s a phobia, so not rational, obvs), I grabbed the first binder in reach and threw it on the spider. It just happened to be the school’s anti-violence program binder…. Nothing like a little bit of irony.

  220. CoffeeIsMyFriend*

    one of our students has a service dog so for the dogs safety during Chem lab he wears goggles, lab coat, bootie, and a special spot to sit near their person (this does not interfere with the dogs duties -the lab manager worked with the student to ensure the dog would be safe and still able to perform his service)
    cutest thing you’ve ever seen

  221. BLA*

    I’ve worked my entire career at tech start-ups, which are invariably filled with multiple office dogs. Beyond stories of those dogs peeing under desks, pooping in conference rooms, and even one lone kitten who crawled through a hole into the wall and had to be lured out with some turkey, the wildest story was the day a dog arrived who didn’t belong.

    We noticed the new dog running through the office, but just thought it belonged to an employee. The dog got wilder and wilder, jumping on and barking at people, and soon the work chat escalated from “Whose dog is this?” to “Will the owner please come get your dog already!!!”

    The receptionist checked that morning’s front door footage to see who arrived with that dog and to our shock, we realized it had arrived alone. It had snuck in after an oblivious coworker, which was impressive because we were many floors up in an elevator building (we would later learn the dog had ridden an elevator with a different coworker who also didn’t say anything because he “thought the dog knew where it was going”).

    I ended up catching the dog after it muscled its way into a conference room which unfortunately was hosting an important call with an external party. The dog was later reunited with its owner who worked on a different floor.

  222. LOL NOPE*

    My first summer home from college, I took a job as an assistant at a small strip-mall photo studio. I found out on my first day that one of my main job duties was to run interference on the owner’s large, energetic (and poorly trained) dog, and to keep him from attacking clients and their kids…by letting him tackle me instead. My first day was also my last.

  223. Green Goose*

    I used to work at a dog friendly office and there were a couple of regulars including Wally, an ancient, sleepy pug. One day we had about 4-5 dogs in the office, which was a mix of open space seating and then offices with floor to ceiling windows. All dogs were separated. We regularly had a flow of usual and new people coming in an out of our office and these dogs did not bark at people.

    One day a man came into the office to do a printer diagnostics, he was wearing headphones and did not really interact with anyone. The.Dogs.Went.Crazy.

    Each dog was barking their head off viciously, even old Wally was up barking so hard he was swaying from side to side. It literally seemed like they were sounding an alarm.

    The guy never noticed because he had headphones on but I got a very eerie feeling about him with the way these normally chill dogs reacted to his presence. I’ll never forget that.

  224. Anonynominus Rex*

    Going anon because if I pair it up with my other story then someone who knows me is going to recognize me.

    I used to work at an admin in an apartment complex owned by a local technical college. The students were mostly rural, a mix of kids from wealthy ranchers and poor farmers. None of them were familiar with various social aspects of apartment life. Though what set them apart from the usual naive crowd was the many, many new entries we had to add to the dos and don’ts of the lease. Like how the laundry room is not the right place to butcher a deer even if it has a large sink and floor drain.

    There was already a no pets policy, but some took this to mean keeping animals were okay as long as they weren’t pets. One resident had gone hunting and shot a goose, only to later discover it had a nest with goslings. So his bright idea was to bring the goslings back with him and raise them until they were old enough to butcher. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen what a bathroom looks like after it’s been used as a goose farm. It’s quite horrific and the smell is even worse.

    Other livestock discovered in apartments include chickens, two goats, and a deer. One resident argued that his hunting dog didn’t violate the no pets policy because the dog was a working animal and not “some pampered frou-frou pet.” Though judging by all the hugs and cuddles he gave to the dog when he thought no one was watching, it was far more a pet than he would admit.

  225. RLC*

    1) At a long ago job, someone spotted a rockchuck (marmot) wandering in our employee parking lot. Two employees decided to go outside and chase it. The chase led over and under parked cars, one employee occasionally jumping on the hoods of cars (!) to scare the rockchuck out. Eventually the terrified critter was chased through the automatic doors of the nearby Department of Motor Vehicles building where I suspect further chaos ensued. Little work done by any staff that afternoon as all were at the windows watching the action.
    2) More recent job, colleague started up his Jeep in office parking area one morning, and no power steering. Looked under it to find chewed power steering line and confused young beaver with power steering fluid on its face. Other employees ultimately live trapped beaver and got it to a wildlife rehab center where its stomach was pumped to remove power steering fluid. We never did figure out how beaver got to our parkade structure, river was a quarter mile away, busy city streets then multiple levels of parkade. (I’m in the NW USA where wildlife encounters are not uncommon).

  226. RPOhno*

    I used to work on a pretty spread out site that abutted conservation land and had some wetlands within the fenceline, so we had all manner of wildlife. There were deer all the time, the occasional fox or fisher, owls, hawks, there was even a bear once. The geese avoided the site because of a fake predator decoy, but the turkeys… the turkeys were too stupid to notice and wandered the site in small flocks.
    One afternoon, as I was leaving, I realized I had left my hat in another building. No problem, right? Just swing by and grab it? Wrong. Not so simple when half a dozen turkeys were blocking the door, slowly puffing up for a fight as I got closer. So I did what any sane human being would clearly do. Did I retreat? Did I go to a different door? Perhaps wait until the flock moved on? No, of course not, I “puffed up” even bigger, by which I mean I went full batman cape with my jacket, flapped my jacket “wings” aggressively, and yelled at the turkeys. They immediately deflated and skulked away, glancing back at the 200lb demon-ape-bird that was yelling “You better run, you delicious *******!” after them.
    A couple weeks later a slide appeared in the onboarding site safety training about not messing with the wildlife…

  227. Wonderer*

    I worked in South Africa for a few years, and at one place there were some fancy financial offices that had a large park in the center of several glass buildings. Whoever ran the buildings thought it would be great to have a herd of zebras roaming through this grassy area. The idea was that people would be able to watch from the offices and conference rooms in the buildings all around.
    It was great for morale and everyone loved it – especially when a little zebra baby was born and people could watch it tottering about. Visitors raved about how amazing it was… until the day when everyone learned a horrifying lesson about male zebra violence against the young from another male…
    After that traumatizing day, all the zebras were removed.

  228. Bast*

    I’m not sure if this counts, but it’s amusing and involves a dog, so I’ll bite —

    I worked at one law firm where the owner of the firm had a somewhat questionable reputation, shall we say. He was one of those people who you either loved or hated, and he had really upset a lot of people.

    During my first spring/summer there, someone left a large, heaping pile of dog poop by the front door almost every single day, the exception being for days when there was heavy rainfall. Someone had to have been walking their dog by that door every single morning and making sure it took a huge dump on the front steps. I was one of the first employees there in the mornings, and was inclined to think that it was just a rude dog owner the first few times — by the end of the second week my mind was changed. There was no way it was not intentional.

  229. snow white*

    This isn’t a particularly crazy story or anything but one evening around sunset I was walking between my work’s two buildings (next door to each other) and I saw maybe about 10 deer, including a handful of fawns, chilling in the grass between the buildings. We occasionally saw deer in that neighborhood but never anything like that! We all just stood and cautiously watched each other for a minute before I slowly left them to their grazing. Magical moment!

  230. SusieQQ*

    You don’t have a farting dog story yet!

    I was interviewing for a new position over Zoom. It was fairly late into the interview process, and I sensed that things were going well. I wanted the position badly, and I was in the middle of talking to the person who would be my boss if I were hired. My dog was quietly laying next to my feet on the floor, off-camera. The interview was going great, and then my nostrils were suddenly filled with the most nasty, foul, ungodly stench. My dog had farted. They’re silent but there are no words to describe how supremely vile the odor is. It took great effort on my part to let my disgust show on my face, and to carry on speaking normally when I just wanted to run out of the room. Despite the Stinky Dog Fart though, I landed the job and I’m still there today!

  231. Dog Swimmer*

    At one point in my life, my job was to swim dogs in an indoor pool (some fitness, some fun, some learn-to-swim in a safe, clean environment). Most of the owners were great, but some were beyond weird. This is (one of?) the weirdest.

    Older owner brought a senior boxer (dog) who had never been in a pool before. The dog was timid, so I was taking things very slowly. I was sitting on the top step inside the pool with the dog on my lap when I noticed the water was turning brown around me. Yep, the dog was having diarrhea in the pool. So, the dog was quickly removed from the pool, and I then dove for the controls so I could shut off the pool’s circulation.

    I told the owner that the session was over. The owner suggested that since the dog was already covered with water and feces, the session might as well continue. I pointed out that while I, too, was currently covered with water and feces, I had no intention of continuing to be covered with feces. She (the owner) was a little put out that I expected payment since the session lasted such a short time. I told her she was darned lucky I wasn’t charging her for the sessions I would have to cancel until the pool was drained, cleaned, sanitized, refilled, and brought up to temperature.

    As I was walking them back out to their car (she seemed to be in no rush to leave), she said, “I’ll bet he had diarrhea because he thought he was going to die.” I was so shocked by this that I asked her what would make her say that. “Oh, the last time I took a dog in the car, it was his sister that I was taking to be euthanized. I bet he thought that car rides lead to death.” Fortunately, we were reaching their car, so I was able to help load him in the car and see them on their way (never to return) before going back to clean up the disaster zone.

    Other than a few weird owners, one or two dogs I considered dangerous, and holding a bit more freeze-dried liver in my mouth than I ever thought I would, it was a great job.

  232. GrumpyPenguin*

    My first job had a little park with a fountain and a cantina with huge glass walls. The park was inhabited with bunnies, racoons, birds, ducks and other small creatures. Eating lunch while being observed by them was a bit unsettling, somehow it felt like a reverse zoo. During spring and summer there were swans with their cute cygnets, so you had to be quick to get to and from the cantina because the parent swans would chase you around to protect their offspring, so heels were not a good footwear choice.

  233. My Nemesis Pants*

    At the national park where I used to work, we had a visiting scientist who was well known for stopping whatever he was doing to go chase badgers and tickle them.

  234. noncommittally anonymous*

    A lab I used to manage was a converted sunporch – so long, thin, with abundant windows. One day, the weather was nice and we left a window open while we went to lunch. When we got back, my tech walked into the lab, and I went to my office. I had just gotten there when I heard a gigantic shriek from the lab. It seems, while we were gone, a 4′-long rat snake had come in through the window and was sunning itself on the window ledge inside the lab. Mass hysteria ensued while we tried to get the snake back out the window. It ended up climbing up into the mechanism of a -80 C freezer. We had to unplug and essentially disassemble the freezer to get the thing out.

  235. Anon #923472691*

    There is a small balcony on one of the floors in my office building. A family of pigeons is nesting there. There have been multiple mentions made in multiple staff meetings about plans to get a falcon in the scare the pigeons away. Why this is the tack the higher ups have decided to take is a mystery to me.

    1. Orv*

      It’s actually one of the more effective methods! Pigeons will get used to most things you might use to scare them away, but the appearance of a predator will put the fear of god in them.

  236. Just Another Librarian*

    I worked on a university campus in southern California that was built into gently-rolling slopes. Thanks to this geographic feature, academic buildings have entrances on multiple levels. These buildings also had culverts and crawl spaces underneath to manage the rainy season. AND…. those hideyholes are the preferred housing solution for large families of raccoons. Raccoons are fearless on that campus; students let them into their dorm rooms, feed them snacks, and generally turn them into less-feral pets. Not great! The facilities team had long since given up on relocating them to other places, since they’d either find their way back to campus or a new family would just move into the culverts anyway.

    One fine December evening after multiple days of rain, I was walking back to my office in the library after a committee meeting in another building. In the tree canopy and the walkway above one of those lower-level entrances, around a dozen raccoons were just hanging out, since they’d been flooded out of their den underneath the library. One large raccoon trundled right up to me, and I was startled into saying “hello”. Seeing that I did not have food in my hand, nor did I look like I was going to produce a chip bag from somewhere on my person, it bit me with a little “snarf” sound, square on my shin. Raccoon teeth HURT, my friends! It didn’t break the skin or even leave a mark on my pants, but I still got checked out at urgent care. Thankfully I didn’t have to get the rabies vaccination series.

    The worst part was really that half a dozen people, including several of my student assistants and the committee chair from the meeting I’d just attended, were witnesses to the event. Since then I’ve given raccoons a very wide berth! I don’t want a repeat of the snarf attack!

    1. Bunny Girl*

      I used to work/volunteer for a wildlife rehab. Every single time someone got bit by a raccoon they would yell “Oh god this is it.”

    2. RVMan*

      My office once lost most of a day of work watching a raccoon climb a skyscraper. We worked in the building across the street just below roof height to the building it was climbing, so we had a front row seat to the whole climb. I’m sure the bank we worked for thought this was a valuable use of time.

  237. Orv*

    A few years ago a cougar wandered down from the mountains and made it across about two miles of suburbia to end up in a wildlife preserve next to our campus. This obviously concerned people who walked around the area, and even though the cougar left, for a while people were on edge about anything that looked like a big cat. One “cougar sighting” turned out to be an old bobcat that lived in the preserve, which led to a police press release saying that he was “an individual known to police and not dangerous,” as if he were a drunk they’d had to rouse out of the gutter or something.

  238. dulcinea47*

    The time a mouse fell down into the (deep, locked at the top with a metal grate) window well, and my coworker opened the window to give it an almond and a soda cap of water before fetching a long stick for it to use as a ramp up & out.

  239. Rabbitgal*

    The company that I work for is strictly remote. During a company-wide town hall Zoom meeting, one of my rabbits decided to try climbing onto my shoulder for the first and only time. I was trying so hard to keep a straight face while not wobbling so my new parrot-rabbit wouldn’t fall off of me. Nobody ever mentioned it.

  240. pagooey*

    I worked with a woman who was blind, and used a guide dog to navigate. The dog was impeccably trained, and delightful; it even had its own photo ID badge to come and go from the corporate campus! But I remember it most for two things: It would sleep under the conference table in tedious meetings and, sometimes, audibly snore (me too, doggo); and, occasionally, while snoozing under there, would cut silent but LETHAL dog farts. Beautiful creature!

  241. The Coolest Clown Around*

    When I was an intern, I was lent out to another company for almost my entire internship under the supervision of my assigned mentor, and I worked with a large group of other interns in an off-site location with only a few full-time professionals keeping an eye on us. This whole experience was crazy for a lot of reasons, partly because a 20:1 intern-to-supervisor ratio was too high, and partly because almost all of the supervisors were WILDLY unprofessional. One supervisor brought in his 4-month-old golden retriever puppy, which was adorable, and he was fairly easy to keep an eye on. The lead supervisor then assumed that it would be totally chill for him to start bringing in his fully grown Bernese mountain dog, which was not at all well trained or easy to contain, and which he was far to distracted to properly watch. As a result, the dog would wander around the large common areas (no one had an office or cube) and poke through people’s stuff, including stealing people’s breakfasts out of their purses or backpacks or off of tables, and since she was actually a fairly quiet dog (no collar! and therefore no jingling noises!) this was a pretty successful strategy for her. Requests to stop bringing the dog, or to leash her (admittedly delivered very deferentially by interns) were agreed to and then completely ignored, and the dog kept coming in for the entire time I worked there.

  242. Fifi*

    This is by no means the most dramatic, but it’s topical this summer since so many had cicadas. The last time the 17-year cicadas emerged in my area, I was working in an office in a very wooded area, so those buggers were everywhere. The job was awful. The owner would scream at people almost daily. Every question was an accusation. We were all on edge all the time. One day, she was outside taking a smoke break when, right outside my window, when a cicada flew into her face. She screamed “Get away from me!” and ran around, flailing her arms. I still have nightmares about how awful that job was, but I smile when I think about that day.

  243. AVP*

    When I was producing tv commercials, we occasionally worked with animals. Usually the normal ones, but my favorite was….roosters! It was a farm-to-table food commercial that was filmed on a farm, and the agency desperately wanted a rooster to crow. A professional animal handler brought her favorite trained roosters to the set, and we put them in place, but she was like no, you cannot teach a rooster to train on command. And if they do happen to crow, it’s not going to sound like the movie-ready sound effect you’re picturing.

    The normal thing would be to just let the rooster open it’s mouth and pipe in a sound effect in post-production, but we worked in documentary style filming so everyone wanted this poor chicken to crow sooo badly. It did not. It wouldn’t even open its mouth.

    I did learn something new that day — roosters will often open up their mouth and simulate a crowing motion if you give them peanut butter. (And apparently that is not a safety violation.)

  244. Eeyore is my spirit animal*

    I have worked outdoors for most of my career so there are lots of animal stories.
    My favorites. The first was when a mountain lion walked in front of my truck. The second, we were having lunch at our plot site, which was at the top of a canyon and a golden eagle flew down the canyon right below us. It was so pretty.
    Oh, and the time a lost baby beaver wandered into our research site and decided we would do as a replacement for mom. We put him in a bucket and left him just above the nearest beaver dam.

    1. Quill*

      It was technically school, not work, but I remember the time my archaeology dig stopped on account of giant porcupine VIVIDLY.

      (And the time I brought a wild chameleon to lunch because it was cool and I was twenty one. Yes, the chameleon went home to a nice tree where the local feral dogs couldn’t easily get it.)

  245. KnittingAtTheBaseballGame*

    I used to work on a university campus. Raptors nested on top of some of the buildings. One hawk built a nest on a roof that also happened to house some essential facilities equipment. A member of our facilities team had to regularly check on that equipment. Well, the hawk learned to recognize that team member and was *extremely* aggressive toward him, to the point that the safety team required him to wear a helmet when accessing the roof, and ultimately recommending that he delegate those job tasks to another team member!

  246. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

    In the park where my mom used to work, poachers* routinely shot bald eagles. Many would leave nests of babies behind. This was the early 80s and saving bald eagles from extinction was still a major concern. Mom’s job as a part-time admin from then on included daily feeding the baby bald eagles in special nest boxes park maintenance had set up. I got to go along on a lot of these excursions and helped her feed the babies and watch them fledge out. It was sad that the mother eagle had been killed but it was an amazing experience to be a part of.

    *These were not Native Americans doing it for cultural reasons, these were the same descendants-of-settlers-jerks who poached anything that moved and especially loved doing it on federal land to stick it to the man because freedom or whatever.

  247. Aiani*

    I worked in security at a large corporate office. People seem to think it is the job of security to do everything including dealing with animals on the property. We got calls about rats, bats, snakes, foxes, coyotes, rabbits, dogs, deer, and ducks. The strangest animal call I can think of was a peahen that had flown onto the roof of our building. People kept reporting it to us and calling city animal control. Then in the evening during a pouring rain storm, several employees figured out how to open a panel to the roof and they attempted to go out and get the bird. We had to post a guard to keep them from getting on a slippery roof in the middle of the night. Finally, someone talked to a local bird rescue and they said, peafowl can fly short distances, and the bird will get back down when it wants to go. It left after a day or two.

  248. OlympiasEpiriot*

    Setting: Construction site across from a large park

    Time: Dawn

    Cast: About a dozen construction workers, me (resident engineer/inspector/effective owner’s rep), a mama raccoon and 3 kits

    We were expecting concrete to arrive to place the foundation walls. Foundation wall formwork was in place with about 14″ of clearance between the face of the wall and the support of excavation structure (soldier pile and lagging with walers, if you want a visual, put that phrase into a search engine).

    One of the guys is up top leaning over and yelling into that gap “no! no! don’t go there!”

    A raccoon family had crossed the street from the park and was making their way to a far corner with some complicated corner bracing that kept them hidden from us for the previous few weeks.

    The concrete pour was going to effectively block off that corner and make it probably 100% inaccessible, even to raccoons.

    So, cue a mad scramble by these guys to remove the family. The thinnest person on site volunteered to get in there. The welder’s gloves and leather smock were used as well as a full-faced respirator just to get the face-plate protection.

    Each was put into an empty sand bag and handed up and out. Each bag was walked over to the park and into an area with dense bushes.

    As everyone was back at our site and congratulating themselves, the concrete trucks arrived.

    1. Bunny Girl*

      In the future if that happens, raccoons love sugar and you can normally lure them out of anywhere and everywhere with a few donuts.*

      This is obviously an emergency only situation please don’t lure raccoons for recreational purposes.

      1. Peanut Hamper*

        There is a video someone shot from their car as they were in the drive-thru at a donut shop. A raccoon comes out of the bushes on the right, makes his way to the window, where a worker leans out and HANDS HIM A DONUT! It is the cutest thing!

      2. OlympiasEpiriot*

        I vaguely remember someone suggesting that, but, I think the consensus was that they were all heading to bed down for the (day) night and had probably been well-fed from various trash sources in the park (lots of facilities AND bodies of water with fish, frogs, etc) and that this was an emergency.

        So, we extricated.

      3. Orv*

        I’ve heard marshmallows work well too. They’re often used as rewards for research into raccoon intelligence, because they will do almost anything for a marshmallow.

  249. ScroogeMcDunk*

    This isn’t so much an animal at work story as a “blame the issue on an imaginary animal at work” story. While managing the distribution teams at my local newspaper, I once had to fire one of our delivery contractors – because, while on his residential delivery route every morning, he would pull over at the end of a cul-de-sac on his route to have a poop. On the sidewalk! Every morning like clockwork! Residents and customers were understandably upset. When I pulled him in to say he’d have to either poop elsewhere or be fired, he told me he’d definitely never pooped on the sidewalk and it must have been a bear. Which was an ingenious story but couldn’t possibly be true, because the phantom cul-de-sac pooper was using the very distinct pink plastic bags we used to wrap the newspaper with to… ahem… clean themselves up after.

  250. Lady Kelvin*

    I went to graduate school on an island in South Florida, and there was only one way in and out of campus. Being South Florida we had a variety of wildlife also living with us on the relatively un-developed island. One of the better known “friends” was an enormous (~15ft) saltwater crocodile who lived across the road in a pond. We knew he was there but he generally didn’t cause problems. Except one day he decided that the best place to sun was across the front gate, completely block car and pedestrian traffic from entering or leaving campus. And since crocodiles are federally protected species, well, we couldn’t do anything to encourage him to move. So we were essentially on lockdown for several hours until he decided to toddle off back to his pond on his own.

  251. Literatefox*

    So, I worked in a public library at circulation for a while. One day around when I first started, I was working the day before Thanksgiving which is already a weird day. There were fewer people working, we were closing early, and people were trying to stop in before we closed. Just a strange vibe in general.

    An older man came up to me and before I could ask what he needed, he gave me a giant jar of prego pasta saw—then asked me if I wanted to see a dove. I said “a what?” because I wasn’t really comprehending what was happening. He proceeded to whip a dove out of his coat. I was shocked! After he had left, I went to tell my coworkers what happened and they all said “Oh, that’s the dove guy!”. He was a regular and would come in with his doves. Sometimes under his cap. This was just a regular day for my coworkers!

    I started seeing him almost every shift and when the day I left that job, he gave me a little fake bird. I hadn’t told him I was leaving! Working in a public library can be strange and unpleasant, but I miss interactions like that one (don’t miss the doves — I find birds kind of scary).

  252. Oh rats…*

    My husband worked in an office tower that sat directly above a commuter rail and subway station. They were not allowed to keep any food at their desks because of the rats that made their way up from the subways and into the office tower

  253. Penny*

    I’m a veterinarian so sometimes my coworkers will bring their (mostly behaved) dogs to work. Unfortunately one of our techs got too comfortable bringing in her dog who wouldn’t stay out of my office and he ate a food wrapped out of my garbage. The tech then screamed AT ME that I was irresponsible for using my trash can for its intended purpose and not keeping my door shut (which would get you reamed out by the boss regardless of why you did it). I was the dog-killing vet for a while there to the staff despite the dog being 100% fine.

  254. Elsewise*

    I once threw a bee at someone from five stories up.

    I worked in a very old building, in a converted attic, and we constantly had bees trying to come in through the ceiling vents. (The solution was to cover them with hairnets that my boss found somewhere. Facilities were pretty confused when they discovered that, but that’s not the story.) One day a bee got in. Turns out, pretty much everyone who was on the floor at the time was either allergic to or afraid of bees, except for me. I’m used to being (beeing) the bug-remover, thanks to an arachnophobic partner and a general bug-phobic former roommate, so I got my cup and piece of paper and went to the windows.

    Only the windows were pretty high up and there was a large cabinet in front of them, so I couldn’t actually open them. I had to call over a tall coworker and then step way back so he didn’t have to approach the bee as he opened the window. I leaned over as far as I could to release the bee, and accidentally dropped the cup. It fell five stories and we heard a shout of surprise from the ground level. We looked at each other, and then my coworker closed the window. Future insect intrusions were removed via the fire escape.

    1. Quill*

      For some reason I am imaginging the bee in a little crash helmet, clinging to the cup. (It is far more likely that it flew out)

  255. Bunny Girl*

    TW: Animal injury

    I gave someone the weirdest first day of their life. So I worked at a university office but also volunteered at a wildlife rehab center on the side and had for years. A couple of my coworkers knew this. One day, someone came running into my office because they saw someone strike a bird with their car in the parking lot. So I go down and the bird was injured and bleeding. I grabbed it and went up to my office to call my boss at the rehab. Just as I put the phone down, the apparently new associate professor came into my office to ask me some questions. So I heard, “Are you (Name)? I had some questions about the office.” So I turn and I’m holding this bleeding bird in my hand. He just looked at me, looked at the bird, back at me, slow blinked, and said he would come back later. He didn’t come back for about two weeks.

  256. pally*

    My Dad’s story:

    Dad rode the 6 am public transit bus to work each morning. The bus stop was located next to a lot that was patrolled by a large, loud dog. This dog would viciously bark at anyone who got close to the chain link fence at the edge of the property-which assured that most people would stand way back from this fence.

    Dad loved dogs. At some point he asked Mom to purchase dog biscuits. She obliged.

    Every morning, Dad would tuck a biscuit into his pocket before he left for the bus.

    At the bus stop, he’d walk over to gently talk to the dog (“Hi doggie, how ya doin?”) and then push the biscuit through the fence to the dog. That dog happily ate the biscuit.

    Then one morning Dad had reason to take a later bus. Before he had a chance to walk over to the dog, he observed a woman at the fence, handing the dog a biscuit.

    Dad walked over and showed the lady the biscuit he planned to feed the dog. They both laughed and she asked how he knew a dog was at this stop. “Oh, I usually do the 6 am feeding,” he said. They figured he probably got treats all morning long.

  257. megaboo*

    In one of my former libraries, we had a woman who brought her ill-tempered cockatiel everywhere. He sat on her head or shoulder and would poop on her, the library materials, etc. She went to the commissioners that oversaw our library and it was a emotional support animal before they were popular (nothing against emotional animals, this was a cockatiel from hell). One day she put him on the library desk while I was checking her out and he basically ran at me and starting pecking (and pooping). It was slightly terrifying.

  258. lilybeth*

    I teach at a small college in the Midwest, so on nice days, we open the classroom windows for a breeze. They do not have screens. One day, halfway through class, I noticed some odd, fearful looks from students, and paused to ask, at which point one of them pointed out an ENORMOUS wasp perched on the fluorescent light over my head. It was huge. I have never seen such a big wasp. Like, maybe I am exaggerating in memory, but the size of my thumb.

    We took a couple minutes to mull over the situation. It wasn’t actually flying around, so I asked if anyone in the class was allergic. They all said no, so I said, “Well, it’s closest to me, so if anyone gets stung, it’ll probably be me. But if it starts moving, we’ll exit the classroom calmly.”

    Anyway, we finished class. It was one way to add some extra excitement to The Picture of Dorian Gray!

  259. eek*

    I worked in the state capitol building and we had an infestation of crickets. I’m normally not afraid of crickets, but there were hundreds, maybe thousands, and they were everywhere. Including clinging to the ceiling directly over my desk chair. Ugh!

  260. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

    We had a ceiling cat in our library. Students studying repeatedly reported hearing kittens and we finally pinpointed the sound and found mama cat and her kittens in the ceiling. They were all adopted by library staff.

  261. And other duties as assigned*

    I worked at a rural arts center that had a couple of ponds, gardens, and hiking trails. One day we noticed one of the Canada geese living on site was behaving oddly (not swimming properly) so we contacted a local rescue organization. Their volunteers came out and with my help, and a couple of bed sheets, we were able to catch the goose for an initial check. No obvious injuries, but when it returned to a pond, it was obvious there was something wrong so the volunteer had to dive into the pond to catch it. (Add to that a camera crew filming the whole ordeal!) When they got it back to the rescue center, they found the goose had a head injury. When it recovered, it was added to the rescue’s local flock of geese. :)

  262. Quill*

    I work with veterinarians, so some frequent visitors are the doctors’ animals. Best in show for this month was probably the German Shepherd / Husky mix that had been promised his doctor was about to get off work early, and was going to ensure it happened.

    Last month it was the parking lot kitten, who we hydrated and passed off to the shelter.

  263. Someone Else's Boss*

    I used to work at a school and we once held a carnival in our parking lot. In attendance was a family of racoons who enjoyed popcorn and cotton candy before someone ran them off.

  264. JustaTech*

    Long ago I worked at one of the libraries at Harvard, and to get to the library I crossed the main quad. Opposite this library was the main building for the School of Divinity.

    Harvard has an open campus, so it is always full of tourists, and for some reason the tourists like to feed the squirrels. So the squirrels are generally quite plump.

    One morning, very early, I was walking across the quad when I noticed a person walking their tiny dog had stopped and was pulling on the dog’s leash, as the dog had stopped, completely still. Then a very large hawk swooped across the quad, snatched up a squirrel (the size of the tiny dog) and proceeded to perch on the roof of the divinity school, right over the door, to eat its catch.
    Hawks are not tidy eaters, so all these divinity students are having little bits of fur and guts sprinkled on them as they try to get inside for class.

  265. Semi-retired admin*

    My husband was working on a residential construction site in the mountains. There was a momma bear and her two cubs in the area. The cubs took a liking to his pick up truck, and would frolic in the bed at random times during the day. the whole crew loved it and looked forward to seeing them. We have pictures. Towards the end of the job, he came home from work (literally) in tears. Residents who had already moved into their fancy new homes complained about them being on patios and decks, in yards, etc. so the mother and both cubs were euthanized. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen my husband cry, and this was one of them.

  266. ICodeForFood*

    I’ve probably told this one before, but in the 1990s, we had turkey vultures roosting on the roof of the office building where I worked. The building’s exterior was reflective glass, so occasionally a meeting would be interrupted by a turkey vulture beating its wings against its own reflection in outside conference room windows (which were at ground level).

  267. Higher Ed Drama*

    During this past year there were a couple of moments when I thought I saw something fall from the ceiling out of the corner of my eye. But at the time when I got up to investigate I didn’t see anything on the floor. About a week later I was in the office about an hour before anyone else. I kept hearing…something…from my office mate’s desk area. I finally got up and looked under his desk. Inside the box, was a snake. Yes, snakes had been dropping out of our ceiling. This wasn’t the first one that had been found, but we didn’t know where they were coming from until then. Our building is built into a side of a hill so the snake had somehow gotten in at the first floor, laid her eggs, then the babies were falling to the ground level.
    The best part of the story is the wild rumor that started that the snake had fallen onto my desk while I was working and that I had killed it. Dear Reader, please be assured that I took the box outside and made sure the baby snake was released into the wild.

  268. Rabbits Everywhere*

    For many years I primarily worked on outdoor job sites, often with heavy equipment crews. Very macho dudes who weren’t much on emotion. Then one day we happened upon a hole in the ground that was full of SLEEPING BABY BUNNIES. Work completely stopped! Everyone had to come look at the bunnies, talk about the bunnies, google about the bunnies, worry about them getting eaten by a hawk, etc. I even found one of the guys gently petting a bunny (don’t worry, I put a stop to that). For the next two days all everyone wanted to talk about was the baby bunnies, and when I wasn’t looking, someone built a “hawk protection device” out of a five-gallon bucket. It was honestly one of the cutest things.

  269. Suz*

    When I worked in the lab, we had a test that took 20 hours to run. So the lab staff would take turns coming in on the weekend to remove a set of samples from the machine and load the next batch. It only took about 15 minutes. One weekend when it was my coworker’s turn, she brought her German Shepard with. She left him in her car with the engine running. While she was in the lab, the dog bumped the shift lever and put the car in gear, which then crashed into the wall of the lab.

  270. Seen Too Much*

    I lived in Florida a while back. Every day I would go to our little grassy area in the back and call my sister. There was a small man-made lake. For some time there was a small gator that would swim up and hiss at me. Wouldn’t come out of the water, but would follow along as I walked. Eventually, someone removed it. I missed it. It was my buddy.

    There were also the sandhill cranes. They are quite aggressive and would run after you when you went to your car. There was a flock that would hang out by the car park. A few times we had to wait them out, or send a sacrificial lamb out to distract them.

  271. Harper the Other One*

    When I was working at a music instrument store, there was a lovely customer that I got to know over time. He was a recovering drug addict who had taken up the violin as a way to distract himself from wanting a fix. He would busk on the street and then come right to our store so he could put any cash he made towards an account there, because he knew if he had cash he’d be tempted to spend it on drugs.

    One evening he came him looking a little flighty and anxious, with less than the usual amount of money to deposit, and quietly asked me if he could show me something. My worry was relieved immediately when he opened a jacket and showed me a TINY kitten! He had found it abandoned and easy keeping the rest of his busking money to get a litter box, food, etc. Paganini grew to become a big, beautiful cat and my customer often said his violin and his cat were what got him through to recovery.

  272. Anon for this*

    This did not happen to me personally, but it was at the company I worked at. Aircraft pilots are used to dealing with bird strikes, when a bird hits the window of an aircraft, but Alaska Airlines had a fish strike. Upon takeoff, the plane started an eagle into dropping its lunch, which smacked the windshield. The plane was briefly out of service; the fish was less lucky.

  273. Bookworm*

    Went to an interview for an office job only to find they had an office dog. I was not informed prior to the interview and as it was not an animal-related position in any way (ie not a vet, zoo, animal hospital, lab, etc.) AND they kept getting my (fairly common Western) name wrong I withdrew the same day.

    TBF the dog wasn’t aggressive but I could have been someone with an allergy or fear, etc., so it seemed like a poor show to not indicate this in any way. I suppose maybe it could have been an emergency or something, but I was already unhappy with more than one person on staff getting my name wrong so it just wasn’t a good fit.

  274. NYWeasel*

    When I was a million months pregnant, I was still commuting into NYC thru Grand Central. The exit I regularly used was right next to a fairly immense building with like 20’ high ceilings in the ground floor. A baby bird had fallen out of a nest in the framing of the second story and was on the ground stunned. There was no way to get the baby back in the nest, and no safe place to leave the baby for mom to help it, so the only option left that I could see was me clumsily trying to bend over and then standing back up cradling this tiny bird against my giant baby bump. I had to carry the bird all the way across town to my office where a coworker more familiar with birds said the baby was ready to fly and just needed to be released in a safer environment. We kept it safe in a shoebox all day which I carried back across town and then we released the bird at our house. He flew away immediately and was probably like “How the HECK did I end up in Westchester??!! I just was headed to midtown for a bagel!”

  276. JoAnne*

    My daughter from May 2010: I am writing to you from the forest floor of Reef Island, Haida Gwaii, at midnight by the light of my headlamp.

    I am sitting beside an artificial nest box measuring the respiration rate of the fabulous Ancient Murrelet using a fancy computer called a “Foxbox”. It reads oxygen and carbon dioxide in the nest boxes while the birds are incubating their eggs. I have to write down the information from the screen once per minute because we all know better than to trust technology. I have seen many great things so far while “Foxboxing” (the purpose of which is to measure energy expenditure in incubating birds based on how many days they have been waiting for their partner to quit partying out at sea and come and relieve them)

    1. Humpback whales: They are everywhere (in the ocean) and most days you can see or hear them blow or watch them splashing around. Sometimes they come right up to the edge of our camp, which is scary because they are HUGE! Thank goodness they stay in the water and only eat krill.
    2. Hilarious landings: A bit of background on the Ancient Murrelet: it is a burrow-nesting seabird that spends all of its time out at sea except for when it is sitting on its eggs. The parents take turns incubating and as soon as the chicks hatch, the whole family heads out to sea until next year. Being such seafarers, they pretty much suck at all things land and air, but the most hilarious is the place in between, the landing. Ancient Murrelets land by flying until they hit something and fall to the ground. I actually watched one fly straight into a tree trunk. The other night one almost gave me a heart attack when I heard it flapping around and then caught it in the beam of my flashlight as it came straight for me. Of course I screamed and flinched like as if I were about to be hit by a bus (a murrelet is the size of a fat robin) but the bird just bounced off my jacket, fell to the ground and continued along it’s merry way while I leaned up against a tree gasping and clutching my chest. Today one landed in my lap and another almost beheaded me.

    All that to say, they fly home at night , smack into something, hit the ground, look around and if they’re not where they meant to be, they scurry away and fly off to try again. I’m amazed they make it back to their burrows at all.

    3. In other news, there are giant slugs everywhere, they are usually green and black but starting 2 days ago I’ve been seeing a whole lot of albino ones.

    Camp life:

    The Reef Island field camp is set up basically right where the murrelets are nesting. We have a permanent kitchen tent with a big table and counter and shelves and a sweet wood stove. We keep all the uncanned food in totes to keep the mice out, and they get their revenge by robbing our compost bucket and hiding the treasures in our open storage boxes. Carrot top anyone? We don’t have a fridge because the ambient temperature is quite fridge-like.

    Weather:

    Has been fabulous, between 5-12 degrees C, (41-54F) with over 50% of the time that I’ve been here sunny which is unheard of in a place that allegedly gets only 25 days of sun a year.

  277. nekosan*

    This is back when I worked a food service job.

    One day when I came in the (problematic) manager said “Oh my goodness, you’ll never guess what I found! A poor little abandoned baby mouse! It was over here under this booth. It looked so sad and lonely, so I built it a little shelter, and left it some food and water. Can you check to make sure it has more at the end of the night? I don’t want anything to happen to the poor thing.”

    I sat her down and tried to explain why we should not *encourage vermin* in a place where food is served. It took a bit.

  278. Seltzer Fiend*

    My first job was in a museum as floor staff. The museum surrounded several man-made ponds that attracted local wildlife from time to time. We’d be assigned stations on rotation, usually one of the exhibits, throughout the day. One of the perks of working there was you could pick up extra cash by working stations at parties in the evenings. Given that I was very young, my boyfriend also worked at the museum, and the two of us had relatively loose standards about professional conduct, I enjoyed working parties. One summer evening I was assigned to a station directing traffic through a lobby. It was the middle of the party; there was no traffic. Except one duck.

    The duck wandered in through the open door and looked around. I looked at it. It looked back at me with a “what are you going to do about it?” expression on its ducky little face. I knew it wasn’t supposed to be there. I suspect it knew as well. I tried to gently shoo it out but it was having none of it and began to explore. I tried to chase it out but only ended up cornering it under a bench. It refused to move and we reached a standoff.

    I radioed the floor supervisor, who arrived very quickly and gleefully with my boyfriend in tow. The duck glowered. We strategized. We chased. It hid under a series of benches until it had exhausted all options and waddled out the door while doing the duck equivalent of flipping us the bird (it involved us cleaning)

    As I passed back through the lobby at the end of the night, I happened to look out the window…and it was sitting out there, glowering at me! Years later, when I go back to the museum as a guest, I still wonder if its many-generations-distant offspring are lying in wait…

    1. Rara Avis*

      My kid and I were helping my husband move classrooms, mostly working in an enormous storage closet. We left the door open from the classrooms to the central quad as we moved back and forth. Then we heard quacking … a duck that had flown into the quad a few days previously (according to the custodian) adopted us and refused to leave the classroom.

  279. hermioneme*

    I work in an office at a desert location. We do have a large pond (man-made) that wildlife uses for water. We have a large herd of wild donkeys higher up the desert mountain who come down for the water. One year, a baby donkey was abandoned by the herd. The guys (who work outdoors) brought it into the office. All the ladies in the office got to love on it for a few hours until the state animal rescue people picked it up. The rescue place takes care of them until they are grown, then they are sold – but only to those who can prove they have enough space for them and can take care of them.

    We also have lizards, snakes, owls, hawks, rabbits, etc. None of these have gotten into the building. Earlier this year though, I walked out of my office into the hallway only to find a large tarantula walking towards my office. My co-worker Wakeen captured it and took it back outside. Note: I wasn’t afraid of it as I was the only girl in the family with 4 brothers and they always had creepy crawly things as pets. And my mother had a pet tarantula!

  280. Star Trek Nutcase*

    At a top tier law school, we had a professor “L” who was generally considered unique (not in a good way). So one lazy afternoon, we hear screaming down the hall. We discover a law student “A” cowering behind Prof. L’s open office hour (between inner office wall & door) having a bad panic attack (requiring ambulance). Apparently, Prof. L had brought her dog to her office and A was confronted by it when she entered office for an appt. A had a documented extreme dog phobia and Prof. L was reminded by Admin. only service dogs were
    permitted on campus. So 3 days later, again there’s screaming because Prof. L has her dog in cafeteria. But now she claims the dog is her emotional support (ES) dog, but reminded again it’s not permitted. Next day, she brings in a letter from her doctor-husband saying she needs her ES dog, but nope still not allowed. She continues to sneak the dog in randomly, repeat & rinse. Two months later, Prof. L files a suit against school claiming being denied her ES dog at work has exacerbated her shopping addiction. Soon suit disappears and Prof. L’s contract isn’t renewed (which is a whole other story along with bankruptcy). (Note: there was a student with a service dog and Admin. just took extensive measures to ensure dog owner & phobia student didn’t cross paths.)

  281. Contracts Killer*

    Where to begin?

    My elderly dog started farting so hard you could HEAR it, and he sat underneath my desk. Not only was it eyewateringly stinky, but I was terrified he would do it one day when I was unmuted in a meeting.

    When I applied at a nonprofit, I must have mentioned fostering baby rats in my little blurb about the volunteer work I do. At the end of my interview, I was nervous as the two interviewers whispered “Should we ask her?” to each other. Then they asked if I had time to show them the baby rats. That’s when I knew they were my people. I’ve worked with them for a few years now and never been happier at a job.

    I’m terrified of spiders. I found out a month into a (thankfully temporary) job that the previous summer, the basement had been sprayed by exterminators due to all the BROWN RECLUSE spiders. I was scared the rest of my time there. I always checked under my desk and around my chair before sitting down and never left my personal bags open. One day I saw a spider dropping from a web at my desk and towards my lap. I shot myself backwards with my rolling chair, hyperventilating, and nearly knocked down the attorney general. Did I mention it was a government office?

  282. straws*

    I once came in to work to find a small turtle chilling on my desk. My next-cube-neighbor coworker had found it at the front door and brought it inside until we had enough coverage to relocate it to the nearby pond it very likely came from. A storm had briefly flooded the area the prior night, so we took a mini-hike to place it back near the pond.

  283. anon24*

    I’m an EMT, so I spend my nights going in and out of people’s homes and often get to meet their pets in the process. Some animals are happy to see us, some understandably stressed and terrified, and some aggressive. I’m a huge cat lover and I love getting the chance to pet people’s cats and get kitty kisses if the opportunity allows, and I’ve also seriously considering kidnapping several cats/kittens that were living in less than optimal conditions. Here is my favorite story of dealing with a cat at work:

    My partner on the ambulance that day happened to be afraid of cats and we were called out to an assisted living center. When we got to the patient’s apartment there was a nurse from the facility there who told us that she was also terrified of cats. The patient owned a cat and was dealing with the stress of her medical emergency on top of being extremely concerned about her cat getting out the door of her apartment into the hallway of the facility. My partner and the nurse were besides themselves trying to figure out how to deal with this cat who they were terrified of and had no idea how to handle. Meanwhile this cat was just being a typical cat doing whatever he wanted and relishing the chaos he was causing.

    As we were talking to the patient the cat marched himself over to the front door which was open just a crack and looked out into the hallway with the definite attitude of “I’m about to do a bad thing”. The patient is begging us to do something, my partner and the nurse started panicking because they had no idea how to stop this cat and he looked ready to bolt.

    Being the owner of two very independent minded cats myself, I put on my sternest “cat parent” voice and said “Excuse me Mister, where do you think you are going?”

    Mister Mischievous stops dead in his tracks.

    “You know you aren’t allowed to go out there. You get back over here right this minute.”

    He turns and looks me with the most disappointed look in his eyes, then slowly plods back over to us and sits down, his great escape thwarted. The staff nurse looked at me like I had a superpower and I told her that having two of my own I am very used to it.

  284. TGMC*

    As a county ag agent, I basically considered it my right to bring animals to work with me. Usually it was bottle baby goats who needed around the clock care, but I also brought in a dog we’d rescued who needed constant supervision after having a leg amputated.

  285. Cheesehead*

    I worked at a company with a large, elaborately landscaped campus. The customer training building was U-shaped and it took about 15 minutes to walk from one end to the other inside; or you could go outside where there was a charming little bridge across the water feature. No one ever tried to use the bridge more than once, because next to the little bridge was a beautiful flowering tree where a homicidal red-winged blackbird had set up territory and would dive-bomb anyone who came near.

  286. TGMC*

    Also from ag world…I enjoyed being a full time farmer because i had the ability to sell or eat my coworkers if they pissed me off!

    Such as…I’ve been pantsed by a cow, gotten black eyes from goats, and a bloody nose from a cranky turkey.

  287. The Katie*

    We’ve had bats show up in the tea room courtyard 3 years in a row. 2020, the bat was dead, and a colleague disposed of the poor thing. 2021, the bat had flown into an office window, and I saw it being taken away by wildlife rescue. 2022, the bat was hanging off of one of the bins and he was photographed for the newsletter. No bats last year, which made me sad.

  288. Not Chicken Little*

    I worked in a bookstore in a busy strip mall. One day a black chicken was wandering around the parking lot. The local news eventually came out and did a story. The chicken stayed for a couple of weeks and then was gone. We were not in a rural area.

  289. Anonythis*

    At a previous job, the worksite was on a working farm, on the edge of a swamp.
    There were flocks of wild turkeys who were initially concerned but soon got used to us – and if you gobbled at them, they would gobble back. They also helped enforce the on-site speed limit to ‘turkey cantering pace’.
    There was a (possibly apocryphal, but credible) story that one of the many (many) flocks of feral peacocks took exception to the big boss’ very shiny black Jaguar car, mistook their own reflection for a different flock of feral peacocks, and attacked the paintwork with shocking violence and efficacy.
    There was a species of solitary wasp that normally builds nests in little holes in trees, stuffs a dead spider down the hole, lays its eggs on top, then stops up the hole with mud. We discovered early on that this wasp considered a M6 screw hole to be the perfect size for setting up housekeeping, and had to flush out and then tape over every M6 screw hole on site.
    There were also vagrant spiders (if you’ve seen Arachnophobia, these are a close relative and similar size to those, which are Avondale spiders and completely harmless). They had a distressing tendency to dig their tunnels into the gravel paths and leap at passing pedestrians.

  290. Notmyjobreally*

    One day about 20 feet inside our front door was small snake. The president of the company, looked at it walked over and picked it up and took to the field next door. I was not happy because. It was a small snake, clearly it knew how to access our building and the likelihood of it having family and friends was too high.

  291. Lalaluna*

    I used to work for a public library where one of the locations was next to a “historic” (protected) park where wild peacocks liked to wander and roost; being that it had a protected status, people weren’t allowed to physically move or touch any of the wildlife. I never actually visited the park to verify where the peacocks hung out, but honestly, it seemed like most of them roosted around/on top of the library building itself. Pretty adornment for the library? Some would say yes. But staff knew the truth: those peacocks were aggressive blighters and liked to chase people, screech loudly, and poop everywhere. Some of the males apparently thought the shine on the vehicles in the staff parking lot were offensive and would scratch and peck the paint – causing real damage.

    Thankfully, I only occasionally had to visit the peacock library location, but on one such occasion, as soon as I parked, a couple peacocks decided to come surveil my car. When I started to open my door, they’d lunge forward in attack. Being the wimp that I am, and not wanting to be pecked/attacked, I stayed in my car and texted my boss a picture of my avian tormentors , begging him to come out of the building and rescue me.

    I ended being saved when an enthusiastic family exited the library and their running, screeching children spooked the peacocks into flying on top of the building (right above the staff entrance). I’ve never booked it inside the building so quickly, and I met my boss in the stairwell as he was coming down to help me (he was the best boss ever and laughed very hard at me when I explained what had happened).

  292. Atlantis*

    In grad school, I was in my building working on a day that the rest of the school was closed for a holiday. One of my coworkers went to lunch and came back pale and told me there was some kind of animal that had ran past her down the hallway.

    It was a massive groundhog.

    Because it was a holiday, and the school was closed, there was no typical staff or anyone else who could help me deal with this poor little thing. I ended up calling the campus police and got ahold of someone to assist. They sent out two maintenance guys who herded the groundhog into an empty recycle bin and then drove him down the road to a wooded area before letting him go. No idea how he snuck in – it was a holiday Monday and no one had been around. My only guess is that he slipped through the automatic doors behind someone and then got stuck.

  293. Euphony*

    I used to work in a large open plan office that was converted from a warehouse. The air conditioning did not work well, so during summer the fire doors were often propped open to try and get a cool breeze. This led to a variety of creatures getting in, including rats, foxes, various birds and even a bat!

    Management turned a blind eye to this for several years until the incident with the squirrel. The squirrel ran in one hot day and couldn’t seem to find it’s way out again. Those of us sat on the mezzanine floor could hear a fresh round of shrieks and giggles from the floor below every time the squirrel zipped past a different set of desks.

    Meanwhile one colleague was busily preparing for an important meeting, with papers and folders scattered all over her desk and on the floor. It was a hot day and she had rather high heels on so she took her shoes off temporarily. Unfortunately the squirrel darted past at just the wrong moment, startling her and causing her to step back onto an open lever arch file. Both points went straight into her bare foot.

    She needed surgery, a couple of days in hospital and crutches for a few weeks but did recover in time. The squirrel was ushered out by several security guards. And an alarm on opening was fitted to the fire door.

  294. SpaceCowgirl*

    I have a few. I am a biologist and a bug person. So, I get asked to move all manner of creatures out of offices among other escapades.

    I took a new job at an office, and my reputation was getting around. One day, I took my lunch and when I came back there was an 8 inch long centipede sitting on a piece of paper on my keyboard. Rather than taking this as a Godfather style threat, I decided my new coworkers must like me, bringing me bug offerings. When I touched the centipede it flipped itself over. It wasn’t dead.

    At this same job, we had been experimenting with filming some spiders for a client. I let a big orb weaver roam about my office, hoping she would make a big web. She did not. I collected her up into a little clear box, and was hoping to let her run around the photography room – thinking she would like that better. She was about 4-5 in wide for reference. Before doing that, I thought I should ask our photographer first and stopped by his desk with the spider in her box. I started to ask, “How do you feel about spi-” and noticed he was panicking and backing up into the corner behind his desk. I immediately put the spider behind my back, he started to calm down, and I said “Ya know what? Nevermind.”
    In a different job I accidentally left a door open on a captive bee colony and came back to a room full of free flying bumblebees. I had to capture them one by one and place back in their box. This wasn’t as harrowing as it sounds.

    Ive been doing fieldwork and had cattle move into my campsite and woke up to them staring at me.

    Had roaches and frogs and scorpions in my shower (all at once).

    Lost a wild tarantula I was measuring and found it hitching a ride on my backpack.

    Managed to get stung in the mouth while eating lunch at a field site because a tiny bee landed on my sandwich as a I took a bite.

    A couple secondhand stories from biologists I know:

    A friend did work in Alaska and artic foxes pooped in her boots.

    A professor left his backpack on a rock and climbed up a hill to get a better view. While he was up there a moose came and sniffed the backpack and managed to knock it over. This startled the moose and it kicked the crap out of the backpack.

    A couple friends from an old job would sleep in their work truck rather then set up tents. They kept getting woken up by something messing with the truck. When they caught it, it was a porcupine chewing on the undercarriage.

  295. Starling wrangler*

    In a former office, starlings were able to get in under the siding and nest in the attic. They would occasionally also find a way through the ceiling tiles and start flying around the office. We had a high atrium over the entrance and if they flew up into there, they would get stuck as they would fly up towards the light and not come down until they died of exhaustion. So, several colleagues and I became expert starling wranglers. As soon as we became aware of a starling in the building, we would team up and herd it into one of the external facing offices away from the atrium and let it out of a window.

  296. Betty Beep Boop*

    (reposting in the right place)

    I worked in an impound yard for awhile, nights in a trailer in downtown Toronto by myself.

    We had a “guard dog” (an elderly, incredibly sweet shepherd the owner adopted because someone he knew didn’t want the dog anymore). I also had a driver who used to drop his dogs off with me while he drove, so they wouldn’t be stuck alone at home for 12+ hours. He had two Rotties, and, as is traditional with Rotties, they were soft as grapes. Absolute toasted marshmallows.

    I adored those dogs. Nights at a police impound yard are long stretches of incredible boredom punctuated with occasional profound sadness (we had cars that had been in crashes) and periodic angry drunks (who thought I didn’t know that if I had their car it was on a hold and their licences were on 72-hour suspension). The dogs were excellent company. We used to run in circles around the pound at 3 a.m. to wake ourselves up and scare the rats away.

    But all three of them were insatiably curious about new people, so whenever someone came in for their vehicle and I went over to the window to speak to them, every single available inch of said window would Fill Up With Dog immediately.

    Which did wonders for the manners of the clientele, even the ones who knew enough about dogs to realize they all just wanted skritches.

  298. HailRobonia*

    In my first office job I asked my boss if I could have sea monkeys at my desk. She said “sure!” So I set up a little sea monkey aquarium (the “Sea Monkeys on Mars” set).

    A couple week later my boss comes to me slightly bewildered… “I saw little things swimming around in the bowl!” I said “yeah, those are the sea momkeys.” She didn’t know that sea monkeys were a real thing.. she thought they were a joke novelty item like a flea circus or pet rock that you pretend has life. She wasn’t concerned… and was in fact happy to learn that sea monkeys are real (well…real brine shrimp).

  299. Burned Out Banker*

    I worked in the front office of a middle school and few people are more compassionate to animals than middle school girls. Throughout the course of my time there, I nursed two newborn orphaned kittens, kept orphaned baby rabbits warm under my desk, chased multiple geese outside after they were “mistakenly” let inside, had to pull a kid out of the way of being hit by the bat that lived in the ceiling of the school gym, and let in loose dogs that were roaming the neighborhood but somehow always belonged to “so-and-so’s cousin’s neighbor, miss, and if you just let me call him, he’ll come get the dog”!

  300. BatGirl*

    My library has bats. Live bats. Dead bats. Stationary/resting bats. Flying bats. We also have lots of floors. Not unusual to pull a book off the shelf and a dead bat is behind it. Walked into my office one day and there was a bat crawling across my floor. Students report flying and resting bats regularly. Flying bat protocol: Close the doors to that floor to contain it. Notify the people in the area of said bat. Call the campus police for capture (we hope) and release. Live but not flying bat protocol: put an empty trash can over the bat. Leave a sign on the trashcan so no one accidentally lifts it up (imagine helpfully righting a trashcan and getting a bat instead). Call the campus police for removal and release. Yes, we have enough bats for a bat protocol… but actually the protocol name is “Animals where they shouldn’t be”.

  301. US-RSE*

    My husband had a door at work with a warning sign because multiple people had snakes DROP ON THEIR HEADS from opening it. The office was in the middle of open space and had a lot of animals.

    I work in a field that uses “clean rooms” which act as very clean environments for building instruments that go to space. I have heard a couple of stories about this… like the time someone opened the door to the clean room and a cat ran out… or that a group of people once kept a box of baby birds in the airlock section between the clean room and non-clean room…

    The craziest one is that an instrument on a famous NASA mission (you would have heard of it) once had a spiderweb on it. Meaning a spider got into the ultra clean room and then built a web on the highly sensitive and extremely expensive instrument!

  302. YNWA*

    One summer, way back in 1992, I worked in a gift shop for a national park. We had one customer, an oddball, who always came in with her rabbit who was in a cage. What made it odd was that not only did she talk to it like it was a person (and expected us to as well) but she ran all her potential purchases by it. The rabbit had its own coin purse and when she checked out she paid for her purchases with her money and the rabbit paid for its purchases with its money. You could not combine them, they were always separate purchases. She lived nearby and came in once a week. I can’t imagine buying as much touristy crap as she did.

    Since it was a national park, we had deer wander in, bats fly indoors, squirrels run amok, basically almost any animal you could think of up to and including bears (that was a trip). The only animal we didn’t have wander in was a moose, thank god. Moose are huge and scary animals.

  303. Csethiro Ceredin*

    In the late 70s my dad moved from London, UK to Canada to work as an astronomer. He was given observing time at a telescope in the middle of Algonquin Park (pine forests, lakes etc.) and used to take a big government Suburban out there for days at a time. To someone from urban England, where the biggest predator was the fox, it was another world and he was entranced… and occasionally terrified.

    A moose ran along next to the Suburban on his first trip up there, and he could just see its knees through the windows.

    There were wolf packs.

    Bears were so persistent about the site’s garbage that they had to take turns driving it to another site and pass the cans from the truck to to another guy who would dump it in a reinforced bin, and sometimes the person they were passing it to would see a bear standing next to them with its arms out, hopefully waiting to take the trashcan.

    For me in an office setting, the most we ever get is spiders, wasps, or other insects which people shriek for me to relocate. I always say “freeeedommmm!!!” as I let them out of my Bug Glass outside.

    One time someone left a window open overnight and a crow got in, and I spent 20 minutes flapping at it in a closed office while it flew everywhere but back out the window. There were a few Tippi Hedren moments, but the crow and I were both unscathed.

  304. Kayak.c*

    After graduating university I had an offer for a graduate school scholarship, but was unsure about whether it was the right move. I got a job interview with a pet insurance company, just sales work but figured hey, I like animals, I even have one, can’t be too hard. I had an interview over Zoom and my dog barked almost non-stop the entire meeting. But I handled it calmly and well, got on well with the interviewers and in the end got the job.

    I only ended up on the phones for about 4 months as I ended up getting a promotion to support work I was more suited for – the first time I was on a video call with one of the interviewers and he saw my dog he was shocked that such a little dog had such a deep, loud bark!

  305. Safely Retired*

    A coworker found a garter snake outside the building. He picked it up, holding it behind the head, and brought it into the building. He then went to various offices, stuck his head in, and asked something like “Would you like to meet my friend?” One who didn’t freak out was his supervisor, who many years later became my wife.

  306. MissouriGirl in LA*

    Our admin folks are in a one-story building with some undeveloped property on one side. Generally, all we see are birds. At one time, we also had a pretty vile Chief Admin Officer who was finally fired (although we believe there’s a criminal investigation into her actions while here). Her office was two doors from mine and coming back from the break room, I saw a small snake that looked like it had slithered from her office and made its way down the hallway. I ended up getting it in a garbage can and releasing it but I can’t help thinking how apros pro it would come from her office. Hmmm..

  307. JP*

    One day I went to pull into my parking spot at work and there was a white pigeon sitting in it like a weirdo. I got out of my car and noticed it had a leg band, and that its wing looked broken. I decided that it needed my help and tried to grab it, but it kept evading me. It ran down a gentle grassy incline, and when I tried to run after it I fell and severely sprained my ankle. Luckily, the next person to pull into the parking lot was an ornithologist. We actually have one on staff at my company. I explained the situation from where I lay in the grass, and he used his skills to quickly catch the bird and put it in a cardboard box for me. The leg band didn’t have any identifying information on it, so I couldn’t track down the owner. I took it to an avian vet who determined that the wing injury was so severe that the bird would not fly again. I eventually found a pigeon hobbyist who was willing to adopt the bird into his coop. Pigeon seemed to do well. He said it could flutter up and down small distances to perch, and at least it had pigeon friends.

    Fun fact – the pigeon was probably part of a dove release ceremony, and injured itself while trying to get back to its coop. I would urge anyone against doing these types of releases. They very often result in the injury or death of the birds involved.

    For my second PSA – don’t be dismissive of ankle sprains. I did not seek proper medical attention for mine, and it never healed correctly.

  308. The stowaway*

    A colleague once found a lizard when unpacking a suitcase that had come back from an international photo shoot. He was very happy to get a surprise new pet and the rest of us were VERY glad it wasn’t us who found it

    1. LarryforPM*

      In the UK, only a very small percentage of bats carry rabies, and it’s not the same strain (although if you get bitten, it’s still recommended to get vaccinated).
      Also, bats are protected here, you can’t kill them, handle them, disturb a roost, etc.
      A business I sometimes work for runs for a short summer season, with groups of guests visiting. There are bats living on site, staff see them from time to time, but we’re not allowed to acknowledge it (because then there would be protections put in place). There are a lot of jokes about very talented mice, leathery mice, etc.
      There are also chickens living on site that have free range of the grounds during the day. At the start of every season they are pretty nervous, but soon build up courage and starting menacing guests and staff for their picnics, wandering in open doors etc. Although they’re a pain, they’re also part of the community and everyone was upset when one was hit by a car.

  309. roisin54*

    I work in an old building that has no screens on the windows, and doors that open to the outside with no barriers. Once in a great while a bird or two will get in, and my fear of birds is well-known enough by now that my colleagues will warn me on MSTeams to avoid any areas where they are.

    Years ago, before we had MSTeams and people warned me about these things, we had the worst incident. Two sparrows got in to the public area I was covering because someone left a window open overnight. My co-worker would shoot rubber bands at them periodically to try to keep them away from me (her mother-in-law had the same fear so she got it), but eventually I literally said, “No. No. No. I can’t.” and speedwalked out of the room to the other public area we cover. A different co-worker had previously mocked my fear of birds, until she saw my colorless panicked face approaching her. I informed her that I didn’t care what the schedule said, I was NOT going back there and everyone else could figure something out. Then she went back to the previous room to retrieve my notebooks and pen for me, because I’d left them behind in my rush to GTFO of there. Thank goodness for MSTeams, because I’ll hopefully never have to deal with that again.

  310. alto*

    I used to intern at an architecture firm in the suburban midwest so we got a lot of desert wildlife (a javelina once ate my food delivery but that wasn’t at work).
    There was a pretty big gap between the concrete sidewalk and the doorframe of the employee entrance and one day a small rattlesnake decided to wedge itself in there and take a nap. Several people used that door before the owner’s son came in and noticed the snake when he happened to glance down.
    We had to call the fire department to come remove it because it was on business property, but no one got anything done until they showed up and safely stowed the rattler away in Snake Jail (a large bucket).

  311. Hamster Manager*

    I used to work in an office a few stories down from the top of the building (a downtown high-rise) and the city’s falcon program was run from atop our building, so we’d often see peregrine falcons diving past our meeting room windows, it was my favorite distraction!

    For those unaware, some cities sponsor nesting sites for falcons (and probably relocate some there too) to help control the pigeon populations in the city center.

  312. Anita Brayke*

    I worked for seven years at a company where the boss had either 3 or 4 large dogs, depending on if one had gone over the rainbow bridge or she had acquired a new one. She (the boss) would bring at least one of the dogs every day. They rarely peed in the office or chewed anything, and the boss trained each of them how to carry the bank deposit bag to the bank each day! The bank was literally right next to our building in the same parking lot, but it was still kind of cool.

  313. Syfy Geek*

    I worked in a building in a historic site- historic buildings owned by the museum, and also historic privately owned homes. One of the residents kept guinea hens. And by kept, I mean she let them roam free in the historic district. Guinea hens are loud and can get really loud when startled. Unfortunately, they are also dumber than a box of rocks. When the guineas would walk past our building, they would get startled by seeing their reflection, start screeching and try to fight their reflection.

    During special events, they would see the door opening and closing, come closer and see their reflection. Cue screeching and when the door opened again, they’d make a run at their reflection and half the time make it inside the building. Without another bird to throw down with, and being inside, the guineas would get scared. And a scared guinea poops. A lot.

    You know that part in the job description that says “other duties as needed”? Mine included wrangling Guinea Hens back out the door, and cleaning up guinea hen poop.

  314. Eisbaer*

    I used to work in the administrative office of a small high school. One fall, there was a mama moose who would bring her twin babies to eat foliage and lie down near the building every few days. You could see them from several classrooms and the students named mama Henrietta and the babies Harry and Harriet. Cute, but we still had to bar some of the exterior doors and make announcements about not bothering the moose. Mama moose can be very grumpy and protective.

    On a sadder note, one year we had a very harsh winter and a moose died on the edge of the school campus. No, no one was traumatized. But the problem was, we couldn’t get anybody to remove it for a couple months! During the winter, not ideal, but it’s going to remain frozen. But by April, that thing would thaw, then rot, then attract vermin/scavengers. The school district facilities office did not have moose-carcass-removal equipment and it was technically not on school grounds. We were outside the city limits so the city wouldn’t do anything. The state department of fish & game wouldn’t do anything because they don’t consider a dead moose on undeveloped land to be a problem. Finally the state wildlife troopers had it removed after the principal explained the situation to a school board member who happened to be the wife of the trooper captain.

  315. Wendy the Spiffy*

    These stories about kids reminds me of when I was a counselor for a day camp focused on science, for 9 – 12 year olds. The program director had read of this cool activity involving spiders: you get large plastic bin and put a couple inches of water in the bottom. Put in two upright dowels (the kind with rubber suction cups at one end) spaced several inches apart.

    Then, catch a spider and put it on one of the dowels. The idea was, the spider will now build a web between the two dowels because the water prevents it from crawling somewhere else.

    In reality, the kids found the biggest, gnarliest Pacific Northwest spiders they could get their hands on and these spiders were fully capable of jumping from the dowels to the edges of the bins, and then to parts unknown. Even after we’d overruled the largest and clearly jumpin’-est spiders, the ones that did get settled in at the end of the day were not there in the morning. Not one. But they were somewhere in the building, and I was haunted by that idea for the rest of the summer.

  316. glt on wry*

    In my early 20s, I worked at a bakery that employed a very skilled hunting cat as a mouser (he worked night shift). During the days, he would hang out in our locker rooms or have adventures outside. I had grown up with a cat and didn’t currently have one living with me, so I always enjoyed break time snuggles with him. He’d even pounce onto my lap when I was in the jakes.

    Eventually, Public Health told management that they couldn’t have him on the premises, so my manager asked me if I wanted to take him home. Of course! He continued to practise his superior hunting skills, bringing me many gifts I either had to catch and release or bury, along with, at various times, an almost full-sized ham and a string of sausages (no clue!).

    When I moved out of my country a few years later, he went to live with my parents in their spacious suburbs, loving all the green and attention. Upon my return, there was no way I was going to break him away from that strong bond, especially after my mother died soon after and my dad was alone.

    He and my dad went on to spend about 15 years as solid chums, sleeping in front of the tv and grouching together, until he succumbed to old age and kidney disease (the furry guy; Dad is still hale and hardy.) And it all began because this cat used to have a job:)

  317. I don't mean to be rude, I'm just good at it.*

    My classroom was on the fourth floor. There was a massive pine tree not far from my window.

    I look out the window and there is the biggest owl I have ever seen. I gathered a few of my colleagues and they agreed it was the biggest owl any of us had ever seen.

    It sat there and stared at me for a week. I was so happy when it got bored with me and left.

  318. Jess*

    I worked in an office which happened to be on the same grounds as a rest home – lots of long, low buildings surrounded by lovely lawns and flower beds, in the middle of city-fringe suburbia. A mobile hair dresser would visit to provide services to the residents, and she apparently had some kind of menagerie at home. She’d sometimes bring along an animal or two to brighten up the days of the folk she was working with.

    One day I was working away and caught sight in the corner of my eye of something large and brown moving across the lawn outside. I thought “oh, that’s a big dog!” and got up to have a closer look at the great dane or whatever it was.

    IT WAS A MINIATURE PONY. Just meandering across the lawn. It was just such an unexpected delight to look out the window and see a *pony*. I can’t emphasise enough that we weren’t anywhere close to anything rural, so it was very random – but a lovely surprise in the middle of my work day.

  319. Knighthope*

    A wild mouse made a nest in a papiêr-maché volcano. Unaware, a middle school science teacher moved it – tiny baby mice ran in all directions. She commanded, “Don’t touch them!!!” But as I said, middle school, so a boy picked one up and and got bitten. A ranger from the Department of Natural Resources had to be called. Good times!

    When we saw a mouse in our school, we teachers were to report it in writing. So the English chair filled out an Office Referral Form for “Stuart Little” for “running in the halls” and “failure to follow teacher’s directions.” The assistant principal returned the form with a note – “I can’t find a class schedule for Stuart!”

  320. kjinsea*

    We had a campus by a lake. One of the buildings was unused most of the time, but because it had the largest meeting space, the CEO decided to hold a “town hall” there. Between when this was announced and the meeting happened, an expectant Canadian goose parent pair set up a nest outside this building. Anyone who knows geese can guess what happened next….yes the CEO was attacked by a goose. Everyone else avoided the meeting to avoid the goose (and since the CEO was not well-liked, no one warned him about the angry geese parents). The geese were popular after that.

  321. starsandmars*

    To be fair to the high school vice-principal where I work, our area had just had bear sightings in our city — a mother and a cub had been seen twice in the past week before this incident. So when one of our paraprofessionals tugged his elbow and pulled him outside to spot the black animal figure traipsing along the high school perimeter, he actually did the right thing. Full lockdown, going personally to make sure gym classes were indoors, calling Animal Control, and eventually charging into my library where students were at the window staring at the animal and directing them to move away now, gosh dang it! Now! There’s a BEAR IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!

    The Newfoundland dog who had gotten loose from the subdivision next door was very confused.

    Animal Control gave our VP kudos, but they did laugh.

    The video of him racing around the school to save us from the bear was set to Yakkety Sax and played for staff at the end of the school year, and to this day is a local legend.

  322. Perihelion*

    All I have is at a recent lunch where I met the new hire (we are WFH), I suggested giving my hamster a single blueberry as a treat and he said, “I didn’t know you were trying to kill your hamster.” I took this as a joke, but later realized he was serious.

    For those not familiar with hamster care, a bit of fruit now and then is quite good for them.

  323. Meg*

    A feral mama cat abandoned her two kittens in our drive-up. My boss went out to at least move them out of the lane to the bushes, hoping she would come back for them, but at that point they decided my boss was their mother and kept following her into the road. We didn’t want them to get run over, so we brought them in and kept them in a storage tub with a blanket in the break room all day, and at closing I dropped them off with a friend who does cat rescue.

    Our bank was about to go through a merger so we named them one after our bank and one after the merging bank. My friend kept the names and like our two banks, they have continued to love together happy ever after.

  324. not as cool as a miniature horse*

    In my first therapist job at a large medical facility, I was in the middle of a group session on a residential adult psychiatric unit when we were interrupted by the arrival of a miniature horse wearing sneakers. Turns out, this was a therapy horse and it wore shoes from Build-a-Bear, which happened to be just the right size for him, to maintain proper hospital sanitary standards. There was no competing with this sneakered horse, so group was over for the day!

  325. CoachK*

    I used to work as a swim coach, and our pool had floor to ceiling garage doors that were almost always open. The field next to us had a small family of cows, who would “visit” our side of the field every day. One night, a coach had a group of kids out of the water, and one of them asked, “What’s wrong with the cow?”
    You guessed it, the cow was GIVING BIRTH! Kids were hustled back into the pool before any more questions could be asked.
    Oh, we named the calf Oreo, because it was black and white.

  326. Anita*

    When I was young and foolish enough that this wasn’t malicious compliance I worked part-time in a tech job.

    One day I got asked if I could come in the next day well before I was due to start. I said I couldn’t really because I had a mid morning appointment. They said they really needed me for a meeting first thing, but I would be fine for a mid morning appointment. I thought “I can make this work!”

    So I turned up for an 8:30 meeting with my very unwell kitten in a cat cage, attended the meeting, worked another quarter hour or so, then tootled off with the kitten for his vet appointment, dropped him home and came back for my usual start time.

    It genuinely wasn’t malicious compliance, I was young and foolish enough to be quite pleased with how I had managed to fit everything together so neatly.

    Also, I developed a reputation for being very dedicated and reliable. My job was converted to permanent, then full time, then I shifted into a manager role.

  327. urban teacher*

    When my old principal left to take a new job in administration, he was pranked by a teacher who put a goat in his office. Luckily, videos were taken and played of his face and him laughing so hard he had to sit down. The goat, of course, pooped everywhere as goats will do.

    (I had volunteered to bring my horse to put in his office and when I told him that, he said he would have run out and away.

  328. Kat*

    We were having a persistent problem with mice at my one restaurant job—exterminator had been called several times, kitchen was pretty sanitary, but they kept showing up.

    One brunch we had one get in the dining room—I still have no idea how we escaped it being seen by any guests. I used my body to hide it from view and motioned for my least favorite coworker to bring me a cloth napkin. I dropped it over the mouse, caught it, and then released it in Central Park. I’m still impressed with myself like 8 years later.

  329. Played With Roosters*

    Maybe a better fit for mortification week, but here’s one from an animal-related job. I used to work with chickens in a heavily regulated industry. I was often involved with hatching our eggs, and that included filling out paperwork on the environmental conditions and quality indicators of the hatching chicks.

    When chicks just come out of the egg they’re covered in the fluids from inside and need to dry off before they can be placed in their pen. If I did my daily rounds and the eggs had hatched too recently for the chicks to dry off I would make a note on the paperwork: “lots of wet chicks.”

    Now, I can’t say I had never thought of the double entendre, but I didn’t think much of it since it was literally the state of the hatching chicks. Until about a year and a half into my job when a coworker who hadn’t yet done much hatching was genuinely confused by this while QCing my paperwork. That’s when it finally clicked that anyone unfamiliar with the specifics of chicken hatching, including many government auditors, would be similarly likely to misconstrue it.

    I changed my wording on all later paperwork.

  330. Safely Retired*

    Back in the days when water cooler bottles were glass, a prankster in the office put a couple of goldfish in one of them and put it on the cooler (after putting a stopper in it so the water wouldn’t actually be dispensed. They ended up being named Pete and Repeat, living in a fishbowl on the secretary’s desk.

  331. Northern Lights*

    Although not a direct encounter, I work in the Arctic and past me never would have envisioned that “awareness for polar bears” needed to be a thing I’d ever have to worry about in my professional life. I’ve carried bear spray sometimes walking between my work site and accommodations. I’m in finance, so bear encounters probably aren’t a typical consideration for most in my field.

  332. Animal Lover*

    One day there was a soaking wet, very ill-looking cat curled up in the yard of the office I worked at. It must have been there since the very early morning when the sprinklers ran. We had to call animal control for help. It turned out the cat belonged to the neighbours. I also lived on this street. I know that cats can hide their pain and then suddenly appear ill, but seeing this poor cat made me judge those neighbours.

  333. Henrey*

    I work in an art gallery. If you happen to be unafraid of birds, a semi-regular part of the job becomes catching pigeons and sparrows… oh, and the seagull. Nothing like the fear of watching seagull shit dropping towards a 200 year old painting that’s on loan from somewhere else (it missed. Just.)

  334. Bunch Harmon*

    I worked on a small farm during college. Most employees were seasonal interns and lived on site. Early one morning, I waited patiently by the closed bathroom door. After a couple of minutes I knocked, got no response, and opened the door. There was an angry opossum on the other side. I hastily shut the door again, and went to the kitchen to get some help. Three of my coworkers were there, calmly drinking coffee. When I told them there was a possum locked in the bathroom, the response from one of them was “We know. I locked him in there”. It’s been 20 years and I still don’t understand why they were just sitting there, instead of figuring out a solution, or at least putting a note on the door.

  335. Lily C*

    In my college years I worked at a summer camp during summer and a small natural history museum that included live animals during the rest of the year. Summers were spent watching squirrels and jays steal bites from picnics, fishing June bugs out of the bathroom sinks, and one one memorable week chasing a young bear off our huge outdoor grills (the tri-tip was popular with more than just staff and campers) and away from the dining hall. Fall, winter, and spring at the museum involved feeding and cleaning up after various furry, scaly, and feathered co-workers. It’s also when I learned that chickens and bullfrogs will happily swallow mice whole whenever they catch them, hawks can grab your bare hand a lot faster than you think if you fail to hold their jesses tightly enough (the scar all the way across my palm has finally faded after 20 years), and mice can and do get absolutely everywhere even if it’s not a great idea for them (see above re: chickens and bullfrogs).

    These days, working from home, I share an office with a very chatty little budgie, who is happy to provide color commentary throughout the day, but has so far kept himself out of trouble, other than a couple quick adventures behind the bookcase.

  336. NoN*

    My workplace has two buildings that are a block apart, and people frequently need to walk back and forth between them for meetings and events. After a series of incidents, they had to put up these signs: “Warning! We have recently experienced an increase in bird assaults from the local Grackle flock due to fledgelings falling from the trees. As a precaution if you have an event in [meeting space] we advise that you take an umbrella to safely fend off the birds.”

  337. Dhaskoi*

    Years back I worked in a small satellite office of a much larger company. My wraparound desk sat out in a small open area ringed on two sides by a handful of semi-enclosed office spaces with the door on the far side of my desk and I often had the area to myself as I was the only person there whose duties didn’t involve external client meetings (this all becomes relevant in a second). One of my coworkers brought her smallish and thoroughly spoilt dog in with some regularity, which wasn’t usually an issue as it was well behaved and not much of a barker.

    Except for the one time she left it in the office while she ran an errand, everyone else was out, and the little dog sprawled out on it’s back in the middle of the office space, not two meters from my desk, directly blocking my route to the door, and proceeded to pleasure itself enthusiastically for an excruciating 15 minutes.

  338. NoN*

    I got confirmation that the Product Manager for my team was sleeping with one of my coworkers when I was on a morning meeting with him, and he was taking the call from his laptop in an unfamiliar living room, and I recognized her cat walking across the background.

  339. All the Tanks*

    I worked at a food rescue nonprofit that also had an associated for-profit business that shared our building and donated all of the profits to the charity. My b0ss had two dogs that she brought in every day, one of the drivers for the nonprofit had two dogs he would take with him to pick up and deliver food, and the baker at the for-profit business had a dog she brought into work every day. It was A Lot. One day the state department of agriculture inspector came to inspect the for-profit business (the nonprofit was exempt from DOA inspections) and this non-dog-lover was the one left to explain to the inspector why we had a dog bed in the regulated kitchen that made food that we offered for sale. Glad I’m now a regulator myself.

  340. Fennec Fox*

    Very late to the party here, but I just have to add my contribution!

    Our GM had an intense relationship with her “difficult” rescue dog, who had a number of behavioral “challenges.” When I first started, she was in the habit of leaving in the middle of the workday to drive home, check on him, and take him for a walk. She would only sometimes tell someone she was even leaving and would be gone for hours at a time.

    Eventually, someone must have complained and the GM had to find a new solution for her dog. He couldn’t be left alone all day, and I suspect he had too many “challenges” for a sitter. I wish I knew what the thought process behind this was, but the owner of the business agreed that she could bring this dog into work with her every day.

    Instead of the GM mysteriously disappearing for the middle portion of the day, the routine became clearing out of the way several times a day as she brought her fearful, reactive dog back and forth from her car to his little crate behind her desk. And about four or five times a day this scene would play out: he would whine, bark, or growl, and she would whip her chair around and kick his little crate and yell at him. But it’s okay, it was explained to me, because this is apparently the method that was prescribed to her by some miracle celebrity dog trainer to “correct” her dog’s behavior.

    He was especially reactive to men and would growl and bark (sometimes aggressively) every time a male employee had to approach her desk. It was unsettling enough when the GM would “correct” the dog’s aggressive reaction, but it was even more unsettling when she didn’t. She would let him growl and growl at a male manager that she was known to strongly dislike, for example, when he was trying to discuss something with her at her desk. And it was so awkward when she had a meeting with a male sales rep. The poor dog would be so nervous the entire time the rep would be in his space, which would sometimes seriously disrupt her meetings.

    Once, first thing in the morning, I was retrieving order confirmations from the printer and turned around to walk back to my desk. The GM hadn’t waited for me to clear the way and the pair of them was right behind me. My sudden movement spooked the dog, who lunged to bite me. I hadn’t taken my winter coat off yet, thank God, because he put a hole in it.

    I wish I could tell you that that was the end of the “difficult” dog in the office, but unfortunately this was my first “straight” job and I felt lucky to be there and was too eager to please. We only managed to be free of him when the GM found an even better solution than having her dog in a crate at her desk. One of my coworkers had a very “close, intimate friendship” with the GM, and when this coworker had a very serious mental health breakdown and had to be let go, the GM very magnanimously invited her to live her with her. The dog could now stay at home all day, as my now former coworker was unemployed and could stay with him.

    I worked at this place for another five years and when I quit, they were still living together and as far as I knew my former coworker was still watching her dog all day.

  341. Rara Avis*

    During Covid, our school campus wa mostly empty for several months, and a cat adopted the security guard, following him on his rounds. Once we all returned, my kiddo and I, who volunteer for a cat rescue, trapped her and got her adopted. (She was chipped but the information was outdated.) The high school where the kid is now has at least 3 campus cats, who much prefer in to out, so my kid has more than once been late to class after repeatedly putting the cat out after it kept following students into the building. I myself was sitting in the theater lobby when one of the cats tailgated someone… and then gleeful trotted into the theater proper, with a whole crew of frantic front-of-house staff chasing after.

  342. Dedicated Vultures*

    When I worked in higher education, we had a pair of vultures who nested on campus every spring. I was fortunate to be in a shared office facing a window, although that window looked out onto the roof of the building tier below us rather than a nice view. Those vultures were fond of flying up to that roof and then proceeding to peck at our window frame. I jumped out of my skin on a regular basis because I would get so absorbed in my work, I wouldn’t notice they had landed until they started pecking at the window!

    1. Dedicated Vultures*

      We would also often come in and find geckos in the break room sink in the morning. We think they climbed up the drain.

  343. Emmeline Vance*

    I used to work in a two-story suburban office, right by a fairly major river, though a quiet part that was more like a stream. It wasn’t uncommon to see ducks, geese, etc. One day my coworker and I were both walking into the office, and I pointed out there was a group of geese on the roof. My coworker looks at me, concerned, and in all seriousness asks: “but how will they get down?”

  344. Ew David, dogs*

    About 15 years ago my OB/GYN had all kinds of dogs in their small office. They were all the grimy type of dog too, lol. I didn’t stay a patient at that office long…

  345. Snakes and gators galore, oh my*

    My partner’s workplace once had to post signs telling people not to park at one end of the parking lot because an alligator had built a nest in the canal there. Other years, when he worked at a slightly more remote building at the plant, it wasn’t uncommon for someone to walk in from the parking lot announcing that there was a young gator under someone’s car.

    Also at my partner’s workplace: they had trouble with birds coming in and soiling items on the factory floor. (They built equipment.) They set up some sort of supersonic deterrent alarm to keep the birds away. It worked very well…except for the one apparently deaf bird.

    I worked outdoors at one point and seeing snakes and gators wasn’t uncommon. There was one area that was pretty much guaranteed to have water moccasins any time we went there. If it was a one person job in that area, I would do it instead of asking any of my team. But we would post one member on an elevated walkway to act as spotter. One day as I was striding through marsh plants, my spotter said quite calmly, “[Name], don’t put your left foot down.” I immediately checked myself, foot in midair, and yep! I had been about to trod on a venomous snake. I retraced my steps very carefully. It’s also one of my favorite memories of this man because it was so typical of him, to handle a potential emergency with the same tone of voice in which you or I might say, “There’s a pencil on my desk if you need one.”

  346. Marestra*

    I am a teacher and one of the best things about I get to have classroom guinea pigs. It is one of the best things ever. While they are honestly there for entirely educational reasons (I little kids- we do a lot a social emotional learning with them in addition to how to take care of other living things etc) they are also my saviors during particularly stressful times and situations.

  347. Not That Jane*

    Soooo late to this party, but… one day while teaching kindergarten, I happened to have prep time during the kids’ recess, so the other teachers and all the kids were outside and I was not. But suddenly I heard a commotion of 50 or 60 kindergartners kind of … all focused on the same thing rather than running around in small groups. When I went outside to investigate, it turned out to be a rather large snake (in my memory it’s a rattlesnake, but I’m not 100% sure anymore). It’s slowly slithering around by the drinking fountains with all the kids and all 4 teachers gathered in a wide half circle gawking.

    The janitor eventually came and removed it safely :)

  348. StaplerKeeper*

    An employee who was already on a PIP tried to bring her new puppy to work every day and hide it in her cubicle. She got away with it for a few days by trying to meet me on the aisle when I came to chat. She already thought I was a mean boss, telling her she couldn’t bring a puppy to work was the confirmation she was looking for.

  349. Name*

    Two at the same office and both were cute stories. First one, one of my coworkers is a HUGE animal lover and saw a baby squirrel lying on the ground. We’re talking a few days old baby. She brought him in and laid him on her ample clavicle area with another coworker’s scarf on top to cover him up. We called animal control who recommended a local animal vet who could take the squirrel in. She went at lunch and dropped him off to be rehabbed and hopefully reintroduced to the wild.
    Second, another coworker at another time found a baby kitten. Not days old but not old enough to be separated from mom either. She put him in a box and got a small cup to put water in until her daughter could get him. I went to a gas station for pre work snacks and grabbed a can of wet cat food. Baby kitty was kinda limp and lazy until he ate. Then, he was like a kitten on crack. So hyper. They kept him and shared pictures with me for a bit.

  350. Anonymoose*

    As a former wildlife biologist, I have SO MANY stories. Here are a few of the notable ones:
    – I spent a couple weeks doing deer surveys on an island. Since people lived on the island and fed the deer, the deer were both inbred and habituated. Nothing dispels the Bambi glamor quite like seeing a majestic stag on the horizon turn to face you, revealing the long tongue lolling out the side of its mouth. Or watching a deer knock over a trash can and eat garbage. Or in the case of one unfortunate coworker, getting insistently licked by a deer that refused to be shooed away.
    – Common terns are graceful, elegant birds who nest in large colonies – and will take on any and all comers. Their go to technique for meddling biologists and other pests is to soar as high as they can, then divedomb as screaming death from above, turning at the last second to aim a well placed peck which will 100% draw blood unless you pad your hat with sufficient duct tape and cardboard. They will also poop while they do this. (Pro tip: wear a broad brimmed hat and never look up.) Since they live in large colonies, I’d frequently have 20+ birds lined up to attack – but sometimes one of them would decide to go the extra mile to harass me by sitting on my head and screaming. I loooved it when they did that because none of their neighbors could attack until they left, ha!
    – Least terns are smaller than common terms, and will stop their divebomb attack about a foot above a human’s head – but they compensate for their smaller size with improved aim for their poop payload. I’ll say it again, never look up when you’re near terns!
    – On a lighter note, one time I got charged by a desert tortoise. Saved us a lot of time tracking it down and catching it!

    Bonus fun fact: the official term for weaned elephant seals is weaners.

  351. Gingerette*

    A couple of years ago, I printed out a report and noticed a slight yellow mark on the top of the paper, almost like a stain. I was in a hurry to get to a meeting, so I didn’t think about it too much. The next day, I was making copies using that same printer, and the corners of the paper came out all weird on the top corner, almost like when you pull paper out of the printer after a printer jam (y’all know what I mean, right?). Again, I blew it off and just made new copies. The day after that, the printer/copier just stopped working. The admin assistant said the printer wasn’t working earlier that morning, but that was pretty normal where I worked (local government), so I figured I could probably jiggle something or shake the toner and get things working again. Well, I pulled out the paper tray as the first step, and a MOUSE scurried to the back of the drawer! I screamed, the admin screamed, and everyone else came running to see what the commotion was. I later realized the yellow stain was mouse pee, and the corners hadn’t been the result of a paper jam, but a hungry mouse nibbling at the paper.

    We looked for the little guy the rest of the day, but didn’t find him. We set up traps for the next few days (including over the weekend), using cheese and peanut butter and a whole box-carefully-placed-to-fall-when-the-food-is-touched contraption in an effort to humanely rescue and release the mouse. Unfortunately, after about a week, we had to tell the maintenance crew, and they set up traps all around. The mouse met an unfortunate end, which really bummed us out because we’d started to think of him as our mascot.

    The craziest part of all the story is that the mouse had completely chewed through the wires of the printer and it couldn’t be fixed, so we needed to get a new one. Our IT department refused to buy us a new printer until we could prove there wasn’t a rodent infestation in the building (?!). We had the maintenance team come out and check in the ceilings and around the building, and they gave us the all-clear. But the IT department wouldn’t accept their word (these are all departments within the same government, mind you–no outside contractors or leased buildings or anything). We tried to get a pest control agency to come and verify, but our procurement department wouldn’t allow an outside vendor since we had the maintenance crew! It took us four months to finally get it resolved and get a new printer. I think the head of IT had beef with my director, something that was very common in the small community we served. It was a pretty dysfunctional place!

  352. Insufficient Sausage Explainer*

    I work from home and have a fairly relaxed attitude to cobwebs (and housework in general, I’ll admit). One day, a bumblebee flew into my study and strayed close to a cobweb above the curtain rail. Just as I was exhorting it not to get any closer, a fairly chonky spider (though smaller than the bumblebee) actually leapt out from under the curtain, caught the bee, and dragged it into the web. The poor apian had buzzed its last by the time I gathered my wits, and its corpse disappeared not long after. I hadn’t realised that spiders were quite such active hunters.

  353. Camolita*

    I used to own a boutique that was in an outdoor shopping center. One fall morning, an employee and I were getting ready to open the shop, when she suddenly made a little yelp and hurriedly dashed away from the mannequin she was changing in the front window. Turns out a small snake found it’s way inside and spent the night by the mannequin. I had to get it out of the shop, but didn’t want to pick it up bare handed, so I had the bright idea to scoot it gently across the smooth floor and out the door with the dust mop. However, I needed my employee (who had a snake phobia) to hold the door open while I maneuvered the snake outside. There was a lot of squealing and a bit of screaming during the extraction, along with relieved laughter/mild hysteria afterwards. lol. The funniest part, though, was about half an hour later, a male employee of the business next door to my boutique stopped in to ask what all the screaming was about earlier. After we told him about the snake, he laughingly said that he was glad we were ok but hoped we didn’t notice that he waited until there wasn’t any more screaming before he came over to “help”. haha!

  354. j*

    I had a co-worker who would bring in baby squirrels that she was raising. (The tree with their nest got cut down.) She had to feed them every hour or so and had them settled in a big purse hung on the purse rack. It was a food place, but no food prep happened in the room where the squirrels were. I like animals but I was mostly annoyed about the whole thing because she annoyed me in general.

  355. Tiny Soprano*

    A couple of years ago, a colleague and I were alerted by a terrified security guy that there was a magpie stuck in a room upstairs in our building. Anyone familiar with Australian magpies will understand why the security guard was frightened.

    Not me and my colleague though! We geared ourselves up with safety goggles and towels, and supreme confidence that our tiny-gay-person-Disney-princess-animal-befriending powers would prevail. While the large, terrified security man watched from outside the door, we gently herded the magpie out a window. For some reason, everyone was surprised it worked.

  356. African Queen*

    I live in South Africa so perhaps it’s unsurprising that I, or my family, have had quite a few animal encounters!

    At my office one morning a blue headed lizard managed to get trapped in the ladies bathroom. It couldn’t climb up the tiles to get back out the window. Everyone else was terrified of it, so I rescued it by throwing a towel over it, scooping it up and releasing it outside. They are quite beautiful really.

    My Stepmom worked on a mine which bordered the Kruger National Park. There were no fences between the reserve and the mine. I’d often hear stories about a buffalo that derailed a train, elephants in the car park and on several occasions baboons opening the office doors and wandering around!

    I think the highlight for me was the big female baboon who was sitting in the sunshine, dozing right next to the exit of the cliff lift that takes you up and down Cape Point. I could have reached out and stroked her, she was about 30 cm from the door. The lift operator said she was always there and was quite calm. She was so beautiful and her coat looked so glossy and soft. She had beautiful eyes, and it was amazing to be so close to a wild animal with nothing separating us. I really did have to resist stroking her!

  357. Dog Assistant*

    I was six. The school I went to had no air conditioners, and was intolerable when it was above body temperature, so school was canceled for a “hot day”. My mother worked at a very fancy job (a professor) and she had air conditioning. She had to go work, and brought me. I got to be all grown up, and be mum’s little helper, and run messages/errands around my mum’s floor while my mother was frantic with end-of-school year things.

    My most important quest yet – I’m supposed to get a signature from her boss. I thought his name was ‘Dean’, and he was so important, he was “The Dean” (I’ve never met any Dean). So I go into The Dean’s office, and there is a pug sitting on the chair behind the desk. I knew that dogs could work, and had important jobs, ceremonial and otherwise. I thought that only working dogs were allowed at work. I am so pissed that my mother never told me her boss was a dog, but she’s really busy right now.

    I try for a minute, to very respectfully ask for a signature on paper from this dog, who just sits and yawns. Luckily, I had just helped out at a wedding recently, and everyone who was too young to write their name, they put their finger or foot on an ink stamp, to sign the guest book. I knew how to help with that. So I found an ink pad, and lo and behold the dog had one black paw and three pink paws – so the black one went into the ink, and onto the lines, and the document is signed. It goes into the pile, I remember to wipe the paw down, and I move onto the next thing.

    Maybe a month later, my mother and I are at a barbeque with “Chris Potter”, a family friend, who has brought his dog (and I recognize Chris Potter’s dog is The Dean!). I joyfully explain to my cousins (some older than me) that this dog is my mum’s boss. Chris Potter relates a story to the adults about how some poor student’s important paperwork (post-doc appointment form) had been walked over by a dog, so his signature wasn’t visible, and he had been called by the money people (grant holder’s department accountant) over normally un-interruptable three-week summer vacation, to confirm that he did approve of important mum-work things (research funding allocation).

    One of my cousins was annoyed I was lying about my mum’s boss being a dog, and went to tell on the adults. My mum asked why I thought that, and all the adults started laughing. I was gently told that the Dean is a title (more important than ‘Dr!’), and the dog was not the dean. Julie, the dog, did get a wonderful embroidered collar that Christmas that said “the boss” on it, and the next time I visited for a heat day, everyone with a pet in their office had put a sign up warning of their existence. This was the best, with a bit of work, I got to pet every dog.

  358. Blanked on my AAM posting name*

    I’m probably too late to this, but: my last employer had an office which backed on to a beautiful historic park, which was naturally home to a variety of wildlife (I’m in the UK, so ‘wildlife’ is rabbits, squirrels, and the like, rather than bears and cougars, or whatever y’all get in the US).

    One person complained repeatedly about seeing rats in the car park – not in the building, which would be a problem, but outdoors, just living their little ratty lives. Management declined to call in the exterminators and reminded the person that you get wildlife in parks, but every time there was an ‘ask the managers’ session they again complained about ‘the rat problem’.

    I guess we can just be glad that the rats didn’t collectively decide that they had a people problem!

  359. Wolf*

    I worked in a lab building with eight floors. A rather old building, so the vents weren’t up to modern standard – there was a big air duct running through all floors for fresh air, and each lab had a fume cupboard running all day, sucking out the used air. It was good enough… until the bee research lab accidentally released bees. They went into the air duct, and came out of all the vents. They weren’t dangerous or aggressive, and it was winter so they were half-dead by the cold air within minutes, but still it was pretty uncomfortable.

    Nothing bad happened (except to the poor bees), but nothing productive happened that day in any lab, either.

  360. WoodswomanWrites*

    I worked in a national park at the most beautiful office I’ve ever had, facing the beach and far enough away to be safe but close enough to hear and see the waves. On the other side of the building nearby was a freshwater wetland. In the winter rainy season, amphibians were active–newts, frogs, etc.

    It was winter with short days so it was dark when I worked late and was the last one to leave the building. A few feet into my walk to my car, I kicked something. I had just enough light from the porch light and realized it was a large red-legged frog–federally listed as threatened under the Endangered Species Act. They’re hard to find so that part was cool but yikes, I just barely avoided stepping on this poor animal. The park tracked sightings so I called the biologist to report where and when I’d seen this rare frog the night before, but omitted the part about how I knew it was there because I kicked it.

  361. Wolf*

    Oh, another one: we did research on different cultivars of thyme plants. Testing which ones had the best composition of essential oils, etc. We planted them outside in a labelled plot. And they’d disappear. We thought someone was stealing them, or trying to hinder our research.

    One morning, I came in at dawn, to see a deer happily eating entire thyme plants. No wonder the thief wasn’t bothered by our signs.

  362. Nature Reserve Nerd*

    I work at a nature reserve so encounters with wildlife are par for the course. Some of my favourites include:

    The aggressive nesting Black-headed Gull who spent an entire summer dive bombing and trying to vomit and poop on me every time I came and went because she had built her nest right next to where I park my car for work. She unfortunately succeeded once or twice…

    The time I left the kitchen window overnight by accident and a bunch of Small Tortoiseshell butterflies decided to come in and hibernate under our table, where they proceeded to terrify people by randomly waking up and emerging throughout the winter.

    The time I was delivering a bug catching workshop to a bunch of children and in an effort to show them that a Hoverfly is in fact not a bee, and perfectly safe to catch and examine, put one on my hand. Only it really was a bee, who proceeded to sting me in front of all of them.

    And of course, the many times that a flock of wintering Brent Geese has flown overhead and carpet bombed the whole place and anyone unfortunate enough to be standing there with their massive poops, which come down hard enough to leave actual craters in the gravel paths.

  363. Apricot Croissant*

    The annoying one: My boss used to bring his dogs into an office and let them roam. We had a tiny kitchen. They’d tip over the bins and I’d have to clean up the disgusting mess, because I was, as my boss was fond of reminding me, “the bottom of the heap”.

    The scary one: My boss (much nicer than the above boss) had a lovely but unsuitably lively dog who she brought into our office – this was a ground floor with a door opening almost onto a busy road. It was a charity for disabled people, and I was the only physically able-bodied person there. Also, customers who wanted to hire equipment or visit us for advice would of course wander in – slowly, naturally, given their circumstances. So *of course* the dog escaped, *of course* he ran straight into the traffic, *of course* I was the one who had to run after him (and he barely knew me), and *of course* I was the one who got screamed at by people in the street who assumed he was my dog and I had been careless. I think I remember a lot of screeching brakes and car horns. He ended up running back to the office before I ever managed to catch him, which I’m sure didn’t endear me to the spectators at all.

    The sad one: Yet another colleague who brought her dog in (this time to a university). Everybody adored this dog – she was tiny, fluffy and ever so friendly, jumping up to put her front paws on our knees or hands, and she was a huge topic of conversation. The university eventually told he she couldn’t keep doing it, so much to everyone’s shock and sadness my colleague announced she was going to sell her. She stopped bringing her in, but she often mentioned her and it seemed she’d made arrangements or was just having an outburst that day. Anyway, one day I happened to asked her how her dog was. She threw herself into the arms of another colleague (who I didn’t even think knew her well) and cried. I was worried and bewildered and knew everyone thought I was horrible for asking. I tried to apologise when she’d calmed down but she shut me down and hinted that it was something unrelated. I discovered several weeks later that she had decided to get rid of her after all, and I was supposed to have magically known and nobody was ever supposed to mention our little fluffy friend again.

    None of the above were the dogs’ fault!

    The best one, though, was a relative who worked in a lab very near their flat used to go home for lunch and play with their hamster. One day they were just arriving back at work when they realised they had an a sleeping hamster in their shirt pocket …

  364. InBelgium*

    We are at the border of a small forest.
    Wild boar rummage through the grass. But it’s deers that we see more often eating leaves just 6m from our windows.
    Last month, some colleagues had a pungent smell in the their office. It took us several days to find a dead fox carcass in the gutter five rooms up. We did not found out how this fox got blocked in the rock in the gutter.
    I miss my robin neighbour, it’s been a few week since I saw him.

  365. Action Kate*

    Not me but my husband: An early job was with a startup which operated out of this guy’s loft (yes, the loft was his living space and his work space where other people came to work). Owner had a dog, something like a large black Lab. Dog was allowed free reign of the loft because this was his home, after all. Dog was also not well-trained and was allowed to go into everyone’s space, shove his face into people’s laps for attention, explore equipment, etc. (And employees were often asked to go walk the dog during the day.)

    The dog injured its tail somehow, but Owner either didn’t get it bandaged or the bandage wouldn’t stay on. Dog continued to wander the office/loft with great enthusiasm, wagging his tail… and banging it on doors and desks and computer monitors… splattering dog blood on everything.

    Husband quit shortly after that.

  366. LabDrone*

    We have a small pond with a few flowers just at the entrance. There are frogs that you can watch swimming or resting. And one day per year we need to be extra carreful when going in and out for there are lots and lots of mini frogs all over the square.
    They ussually make the delight of the local herons.

  367. Orange is the New Pink*

    I once had an admin walk into my office and say, “Do you want to see something cool?” I guess she took my non-committal “Mhmm?” as a yes, because she proceeded to walk up to my desk, present her purse, and open it – where I saw there was a dead bird lying in the bottom of the bag. I think I uttered some form of “Wow! …Why?” and she proceeded to tell me that she had found it at lunch when it ran into a glass door, and since her husband loves birds, she retrieved it for him to see, and isn’t it just such a beautiful bird? I think I was able to politely nod my way through the rest of the interaction.

    It’s been five years since I worked at that job and my family still calls her the “dead bird lady.”

  368. HSE Compliance*

    My nickname at my last job was Redneck Disney Princess, because somehow I became the person to call when there was some weird occurrence with animals. In no particular order I wrangled:
    – a goose that had a broken wing (took to a rescuer)
    – a raccoon that snuck inside the warehouse (I removed and put her outside)
    – a pigeon that went inside and refused to go back out the Giant Warehouse Door, and then proceeded to crawl up my arm and refuse to get off my shoulder
    – a goose that was wrapped up in fishing line (also took to the rescuer)
    – a warbler that somehow ended up inside the offices
    – raccoon in the warehouse part 2
    – a multitude of spiders
    – a giant praying mantis that somehow ended up inside the offices
    – two mourning doves that somehow ended up inside the plant and eventually figured out where the doors were
    – two ducklings that were, for whatever reason, found outside the office doors with no mama in sight for several hours (an employee took them home to place them with local feral-ish ducks, who took them right in)

    And I was also the person everyone took blurry pictures of Who Knows What and sent to so I could identify. No, that’s not an eagle. That’s a redtail hawk. Also, that’s not an emu. That’s a turkey. We live in the Midwest. We do not have wild emus to the best of my knowledge. My favorite picture was a squished bug. Not a dang clue what it was, but it was a very blurry smooshed black blob. I may or may not have called it a Squashed Bug, which the person may or may not have taken seriously for an entire afternoon.

    I may or may not have also been caught on camera scolding a goose for attempting to rush at me when I walking into the entrance. Goose gave up and the security team was very entertained.

  369. Small Strange Thing*

    My goodness, this has been a popular thread. I have a couple of stories, all from the same job.

    First, the office was in an older building, and the sound carried, so senior leadership helped big meetings at the President’s home. During one of the meetings, the President’s 6-month mastiff puppy walked in the middle of the meeting, spun around a couple of times, and pooped.

    In the same place, one tree in the parking lot gave shade to about 3 parking spots. During the heat of a Southern summer, people would fight over the spots, until the summer of the birds. A huge flock of grackles moved into the tree, which meant loads of poop & lots of sassing as they are not quiet birds. I never had an issue since I had a POS car and I would “chat” with the birds, but I had coworkers that the birds would crowd and buzz their heads.

    Finally, our building had a small, overgrown courtyard lined with windows. On one particular summer Friday, we kept hearing sounds: very faint, but small cries. I was stuck on a call when my team decided to check it out and found 5 tiny kittens, which were put in a box behind my desk. From this point on, no work was completed. Someone gave up their office blanket.
    Someone fetched a Tupperware water bowl. Someone else started asking around for milk. Another person smushed some hamburger for food. (They were so little they were probably still nursing) Many people went back out to the courtyard to check for other animals and another kitten was found trying to crawl in the rat poison box. And of course, we wanted the kittens to be warm so everyone just traded holding the kittens while they worked. Our HR assistant’s sister was a vet so she was given company time during lunch to take the kittens. Part of me thinks this was due to the complete loss of productivity. And before you ask, one of the cats that we frequently saw around the building was found dead on the side of the road.

  370. DTC*

    Ugh. I work in a research lab that uses mice. When I took the job, my supervisor specified that I would mostly be doing molecular and cell line work, but might need to help someone else with small mouse tasks once a month at most. Fast forward seven months, I’m working with mice for hours every week. I have sole responsibility for breeding two genetic lines, and I’m the only person in our lab trained to properly disembowel mice for one of our projects. The mice are both sweet enough that I hate myself if I hurt them even a little but on accident, and vicious enough that I’m scared to touch them (a couple weeks ago, I got bit hard enough to draw blood on the same knuckle four times in a row). Every day I pray that I will develop a debilitating allergy to rodent dander.

  371. HeyItsMeStan*

    I used to bring my dog into work at a fairly dysfunctional non-profit. Most of the staff wasn’t a fan of our useless director, but he had dogs so he had no issue with me bringing mine in. She was usually very well-behaved and potty trained, so I used to let her off leash to say hi to everyone. One day, the director said, “Oh! Someone left me a present.” Sure enough, my precious girl had done her business right under his desk! I couldn’t be mad or even embarrassed. She knew!

  372. Dancing Otter*

    I once worked at an organization that had just moved into a brand new building in the middle of a corn field. In fact, there was still corn being farmed in part of the grounds.
    Farm fields have field mice. So did the building. Fair enough, and Facilities was dealing with them as necessary. We were basically acclimated to the issue, and past the shrieking and carrying on.
    Where there are field mice, though, there is clearly a niche for predators. No, Facilities did not bring in cats. The snakes did not wait to be invited. (Actually, nobody saw more than one at a time. It could have just been one very active corn snake.)
    Facilities opined that we were making a big fuss over a non-issue; it wasn’t a venomous snake; it was only a couple of feet long; it was more scared of us than we were of it (Well, it did skedaddle when someone screamed.); and it was always gone by the time Facilities got there. It would probably go away by itself when it ran out of mice to eat. The staff was Not Happy.
    Then came the day the snake showed up in the president’s office.
    The president was a very urban individual. He probably could have taken a rat in his stride. But no way was he going to tolerate a Serpent in his office. Trained herpetologists were brought in that same afternoon.

  373. La Peregrina*

    I used to work at a nature center, so I worked with animals every day. We had a snake – a beautiful, 6-foot-long Eastern Indigo (i.e., non-venomous and non-aggressive) – that we kept in the office and would occasionally bring out for people to see and interact with. I loved bringing the snake out and showing it to little kids. Lots of kids would start off hiding behind their parents’ legs, but after a few minutes of talking to them about the snake and showing them how to touch it the parents couldn’t drag them away.

    But my favorite part was watching the reaction of some of the adults. Several times I had big guys with a linebacker’s build, heavy gold chains, Jersey or Brooklyn accent and an attitude to match come in and practically jump through the ceiling when they caught a glimpse of the snake! :D

  374. Jack McCullough*

    We used to have a parakeet, and when we would go on vacation he would stay at my office.

    Everyone in the office liked him, and he was usually in the front office, so when we got back he knew how to say, “Hello, Legal Aid!”

  375. K in Boston*

    Not sure if this counts, but something I actually recently shared on one of the Mortification Week posts:

    I was on a fairly sizeable Zoom presentation — not hundreds and hundreds of people, but maybe 70+ folks. In the middle of one of the presentations, we hear my colleague (an audience member, not a presenter) say quite audibly, “Who’s a good boy? Who’s the best boy? You are, Jackson! You are! What a good boy! You’re such a good boy! Oh, Jackson, what a good boy.” (To be fair, Jackson IS a very good dog. That fact just wasn’t relevant to hospital scheduling updates.)

  376. Seriously?*

    We used to take our students on a 3-day field trip around Florida. (Three days, 4 buses of 7th and 8th graders, a few gray hairs!) Once we had lunch in Ybor City, where a local restaurant delivered Cuban sandwiches for us to a park. You may or may not know that there are roosters who live out and about in Ybor City. Roosters that have no fear of humans. I was sitting on a wall, enjoying my lunch, talking to a few students. Did even a one mention the roosters approaching me from behind, intent on taking my food?! They did not. When I realized what was happening, I screamed and jumped up, which the kids found endlessly amusing! (The rooster did NOT get my food!)

  377. AmoretteA*

    I used to work in a garden center with a professional cat. He was often seen napping on the seats of the tractors or riding lawn mowers but once killed a mouse right in front of the big boss so kept his job. Leapt right off the lawn mower onto the mouse, even though he had appeared to be sound asleep. Good kitty.

  379. Goddess Sekhmet*

    We had an employee who asked if he could leave early so he could hold his hamster’s funeral in the daylight. I have no idea why he couldn’t do it at the weekend. I said yes if you make the time up, he declined. I assume the ceremony was held in the dark or at the weekend.

  380. OkayKayKay*

    My mother used to take the family dog to her dog-friendly office. The office had a back door that led to a grassy area, and they had set up a lead so if a dog needed to go out for business, they could tie the dog up to the building.

    One time, our dog managed to push the back door open and let himself out without anyone noticing. He then followed his nose and walked down a very busy street to a restaurant, where he started mooching food off of customers eating on the patio. It didn’t take too long for people to realize he didn’t belong to any of the restaurant patrons, and the phone number on his collar was our old landline, so nobody was home to answer when the restaurant called it (answering machine was busted).

    The restaurant called the local animal shelter and they sent someone to pick him up. He loved car rides and was only too happy to jump in and go to the shelter. A few hours later my mom noticed he was missing, and eventually determined he got out. When she called the shelter, they told her they had him and explained what he had gotten up to.

    He passed away five years ago and I miss that dog to bits. He was the absolute best.

  381. Mamma Mia!*

    I work at a hospital. Last year, I transferred departments, after a decade of doing IT work. Maybe a week or two after I start in my new role, I get a calendar invite for the following week with a subject of “Cisco.”

    Cisco is the name of our telecommunications vendor. It seems weird to me that a department that has nothing to do with telecommunications (for which I know from the IT side we have actual teams dedicated to) is meeting with a telecommunications vendor, so I ask my supervisor what this meeting is about. She says that we are going to meet Cisco.

    In my IT life, I’d seen people get frustrated enough with a piece of technology that they would demand to meet directly with a vendor, and occasionally that demand was met. So while it’s still unusual to me that we’re meeting with Cisco, maybe this is one of those times. Having spent a decade becoming an expert in one area and now starting completely anew in another, I find myself feeling a bit self-conscious about asking for additional elaboration, so I don’t ask any further questions.

    The following week, meeting time rolls around. I ask my supervisor where we’re meeting. “Oh, just in the waiting area outside our office,” she says. IN PERSON and OUTSIDE of an office seems like a particularly strange place to meet with a telecommunications vendor, but the meeting is starting, so I don’t have time to question this. I follow her into the waiting area and see a woman sitting with 110-pound Bernese Mountain Dog.

    “Hello, Cisco!” my supervisor greets, walking up to give Cisco, the dog, a few good pats.

    Now is perhaps a good time to mention: The department I transferred to? Therapy Dogs.

  382. dogboss*

    My favorite thing about my work place is that our Big Boss has a strict no dogs rule ever since a coworker brought her dog in and it pooped in his office…..and we have been gaslighting him about following that rule ever since.

    He works between two different locations so when he’s at his other office, everyone with a dog and I mean everyone down to his #2 will bring in their dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, sick dogs, healthy dogs, and we absolutely spoil them.

    We keep dog treats and dog toys in the office so they can play with them and a couple folks will even keep dog beds in the office for the week he’s out.

    I’ve been here 15 years and it’s been this way the whole time. It’s one of my favorite things in the world – we all agree to follow every rule except this 1 rule. This one? Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.

    And thanks to an amazing janitorial staff, our boss doesn’t suspect a thing.

  383. WhyIsEverythingBananas*

    I have a positive animal story. I worked at a small (approx 12 employees) nonprofit in an open office space. We had an advocacy type mandate so had a very casual culture. One of my colleagues had adopted a special needs dog – we’ll call the dog Trina. Trina was eyeless and diabetic! however, she was also the chillest, sweetest dog ever. My colleague would take her to work on the bike trailer (think how you’d transport a child) and Trina would just hang out quietly in the office all day. If I had a stressful day, a little petting always cheered me up! She was absolutely the perfect office dog – and I’m generally NOT a fan of office pets.

  384. ICodeForFood*

    Oh my, I just remembered this one! In the early 200s, I worked in a small office with a drop-ceiling, and squirrels somehow got into the ceiling. I don’t know why, but even though squirrels are small, these two (we thought there were two; we never actually saw them) were incredibly loud when they would go running overhead. We named one of them Sumo Squirrel because we figured he had to be the biggest squirrel ever to make so much noise! I can’t remember what the other one was named, but it was something similar to indicate that he (or she) made a lot of noise while walking.

  386. ArcticFoxy*

    All through college, I worked as a catering server for several venues that did mainly weddings. One of the venues had outdoor dining and was surrounded by semi-wilderness. We had many animal encounters, including birds getting inside and a tiny feral kitten that was rescued by one of kitchen staff.

    My favorite, though, was the time we were slicing the wedding cake to serve to the guests. We were in the ‘kitchen’ area…which was open to the outside but hidden from guests’ view. Mid-slicing, in saunters a skunk. Someone whispered “everybody freeze!” We all held our breaths until the skunk decided nothing interesting was happening and sauntered back out without incident. I can only imagine trying to explain to the bride that we couldn’t serve the cake because it had been skunked….although the dining area was near enough that it would have been immediately obvious.

  387. Snarl Trolley*

    Mine is very tame in comparison to most of these, but a long-past job had overgrown flowers in the alley out back that attracted what I will still maintain were the biggest, fattest, CUTEST bumblebees to ever exist. I inadvertently got a jumpstart on quitting smoking entirely due to watching them work during what was ostensibly a cigarette break, since the little fuzzy guys so enraptured me I’d forget to actually smoke the damn thing.

  388. Welcome to Retail Harmacy*

    I work retail pharmacy and on multiple occasions people have put their dogs just, like, on the counter. This is a medical facility! Would you put your dog on a dentist’s tray of tools?

    If you were interested in giving owners the benefit of the doubt, don’t. Every single one who I’ve politely asked to remove the dog has hit me back with “it’s fine, he’s friendly!” That is SO NOT THE POINT. You shouldn’t be bringing your ill-behaved dog in here anyway; this is a service-dog-only establishment! You are already breaking the rules in a massively douchey and ableist way!

  389. AspiringLeslieKnope*

    Early in the pandemic, I was in a Zoom retirement “party” for our staff naturalist. Another staff announced to everyone that a mountain lion had just been spotted in our nature preserve, inside the pens of some farm animals that are housed at the preserve. The naturalist was on-site in her office at the preserve at the time, and her immediate reaction was to say that she needed a picture of it, to track in her competitive wildlife tracking app. (Think Pokemon Go, but with real animals and plants) Off she went, while our director seemed flabbergasted that she just walked off to go interact with a wild predator. The rest of us had known her longer and just continued the virtual party until she returned.

  390. Bellis Coldwine*

    For the last several years, I’ve worked in a science building on a university campus. One summer day, when things were quite slow, a grad student came in and asked, with an odd look on her face, if anyone in the building ran animal experiments. (They did not.) When we asked why, she said, “There’s a rabbit in the west hallway.”

    The bunny turned out to be a small black-and-white breed, clearly domestic. To this day, we have no idea where it came from — no one reported it missing, and we’re blocks from the nearest residence that would allow pets.

    Anyway, after establishing that a wild rabbit was not in fact running amok in the halls, we did what any reasonable office professionals would do. While waiting for campus police (who apparently double as animal control), we put it in a paper box (which it promptly hopped out of), gave it lettuce from someone’s lunch (which it did not eat), messaged all our friends on staff to come see the bunny, and took pictures for the department Facebook page.

    Like you do.

    However, apparently when I reported the rabbit’s presence to the dispatcher, I was laughing too hard to properly describe the situation. The police sent two officers who arrived with a cat carrier (reasonable), and before they saw Mr. or Ms. Buns, had clearly assumed they were going to be chasing some sort of feral wild animal around the building.

    We bid our unexpected visitor goodbye and handed it over. The police left — but not before radioing back to dispatch, with some fanfare, that they had “captured the wascally wabbit.”

  391. Nat20*

    I used to live in a pretty rural area, mostly ranching. I was late for work more than a couple times because of cattle drives going down the highway. It’s always a little interesting when your commute is interrupted — sometimes for 30 minutes or more, with no alternate routes — by literally hundreds of slow-moving cows and 5 dudes on horses.

    Happened once during my very first week at a new job! I called the manager and he just laughed, cause we’d all been there.

  392. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

    Probably thirty years ago the company I worked for in the desert southwest “merged with” a company in Texas. All the manufacturing was moved to our site; the employees packing the equipment were not happy with their site closing and being laid off. Rumor has it that every shipping crate had at least one rattlesnake in it. Being in the southwest, at least the employees at my company knew how to handle the snakes.

    A dozen years later, in a manufacturing building that had been half-converted to office space, a young manager was complaining about sounds coming out of the cubicle wall. When she finally convinced facilities to investigate, they discovered a nest of baby rattlesnakes in the space between the 8-ft cubicle wall and the solid external brick wall. They also found a 6-ft rattlesnake shed.

  393. Humpee*

    My first job was at a vets office that boarded animals. I had to feed them, take them out to pee & poo, and clean their cages.
    One of our regular clients was a big yellow lab who was an uncontrollable humper, especially when excited – and there is nothing more exciting than getting out to pee when you’ve been locked in a cage overnight! The number of times this dog grabbed me full around the waist and humped to his abandon… dewclaws can be quite painful I’ll tell you! He weighed more than I did, and once he started you just had to wait til he was done.
    Eventually I learned to use the cage door as a shield as I let him outside, and then have his food ready for him in the cage when he was done so I didn’t have to suffer his advances.

  394. Darkwing Duck*

    I worked for an MSP (managed service provider, outsourced IT), and a coworker, Ken, who was the favored employee of one of the owners gets a standard poodle puppy and brings it in the office. Quickly, as it’s growing, it starts to be a real terror. Lots of barking and running around the office while we’re on calls, general mayhem. I don’t like dogs, I don’t think they should be at work, but he’s got the pass from an owner, whatever.

    We also had a deployment area with a fantastic but slightly grumpy tech, Jacob, and Jacob really didn’t like dogs, and every time the dog ran in the area, Jacob would shoo him off. One day, as Jacob is at lunch, the dog is running around more than usual and spending a lot of time in Jacob’s area. Jacob returns, and about 5 minutes later, everyone’s Outlook dings.

    From: Jacob
    To: All Users
    Subject: This is why dogs shouldn’t be allowed in the office
    Body: no words, just a picture of a large pile of dog mess on the distinct carpet in Jacob’s area

    That was a Wednesday. On Thursday Jacob took off. On Friday, he came in and put in a months notice. That was it.

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