conference schedules are too F’ing long

by Alison Green on September 19, 2024

A reader writes:

I’m attending a professional conference this week and it struck me that super long conference schedules are not something I’ve seen discussed on the blog.

Here is an example: The conference I am attending has optional workout events starting at 6:30 in the morning. Breakfast starts at 8 and runs until 9, and as I am tabling for my company at this conference, I am required to be there at 8 sharp (despite the required tabling hours ending at 7 pm last night). Today, tabling ends at 4 and the required sessions run until 5:30 pm. There is a cocktail hour from 6:30 to 7:30. Dinner is a banquet from 7:30 to 9 pm.

Even if I showed up at 8:30 am, the latest reasonable time for breakfast, and left ASAP after dinner, that is over 11 hours. I have a chronic illness that I choose not to disclose to my employer. As such, I hightailed it out of the conference center and back to my hotel at 5 pm to order some food (I am lucky to have a corporate card so I’m unaffected by missing the free dinner). My coworkers are complaining about the long days and I’m frankly not sure why they’re doing it except to save face with our EVP, who is in attendance. One colleague, who traveled internationally, mysteriously vanished midday and hasn’t been heard from since. I suspect they are unwell.

This schedule is frankly ableist and inconsiderate, yet extremely common for these kind of events, and I’m unapologetically choosing not to adhere to anything that is not explicitly required of me. They can’t force me to stay for cocktails and dinner. But I’m wondering if you have a good suggested script for people who simply cannot with these long days. Unfortunately, we do lose face/miss opportunities for not going to networking events at all hours of the evening, and I’m okay with that, but I need a good way to justify it to others.

Amen, sister. Those days are really long, and also really common.

Event organizers generally try to pack as much as they can into the few days of an event, but they usually assume that people won’t necessarily attend everything and instead will pick and choose what interests them. But then you get employers who expect employees to stay for everything, and who see ducking out as early as shirking their responsibilities in some way so you not only have to spend a full day networking and attending presentations, but you also need to get in face time in the evening to bond with your team and do more networking. Some people are fine with this and even thrive on it. But for a lot of people, it’s exhausting and too much.

Some ways to explain why you won’t be at everything:

* “I get run down if I don’t get a break somewhere in here, and I want to be fully engaged at tomorrow’s sessions on X and Y.”
* “I want to be at my best in the morning, which won’t happen if I don’t get some rest tonight.”
* “Health-wise, I can’t do days this long.”
* “Energy-wise, I can’t do days this long.”
* “I can’t do days this long with no break without getting sick by the end of it.”
* “I have some things I need to take care of but I’ll see you in the morning.”
* “Enjoy it and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

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{ 295 comments }

{ 295 comments… read them below }

    1. Mike*

      I’ve been to an event which is in a different city each year, and the exercise event was a walk or a jog — a fun way to see the city you’re visiting but mostly are just seeing the inside of a conference center. Plus, there’s very limited opportunity for exercise on these long days. However I do see how this may be problematic if it excludes people, either because of the activity or hour of the day.

      1. Delta Delta*

        I attended a conference in a new-to-me city a few years ago and the conference organizers or some group associated with the conference had an optional 6:30 a.m. run for anyone who wanted to go. A group of about 15 of us of varying fitness levels showed up in the lobby that day and went out for a little spin around the city. Fast people went ahead. We turtles in the back had a good time chatting and seeing some sights. The conference was attended by approximately 1000 people, so it’s not like a ton of people participated in this option.

          1. Delta Delta*

            It was optional. Not everyone is a distance runner. People who aren’t distance runners… didn’t participate. There were then 8 hours of other conference activities, including other optional socializing/networking activities. One was a boat ride. I get seasick so I didn’t go on it.

          3. Peachtree*

            Do you also disapprove of a city bus tour because some people get motion sickness? Voluntary activities don’t need to cater for all, they’re voluntary

          4. Temperance*

            They were considered by making this an “optional” activity scheduled at a horribly early time so as not to take up an actual conference session.

    2. Ruby*

      They are optional.

      Look, a lot of people like to work out in the morning, and travel interrupts their regular routine. This is a way for conference organizers to lessen the disruption for those people.

      If you are regular morning work out person, go. Enjoy.

      If you are not, don’t go. Enjoy.

      1. Anonym*

        And hope your boss doesn’t decide to join (if they’re one of the unreasonable ones).

        I like this if it’s genuinely optional, but some managers need to rethink their expectations.

        1. Vio*

          The word “rethink” would imply they actually thought about them in the first place, sadly some managers really do not.

        2. Tio*

          You probably wouldn’t be working out with your manager on a normal thursday, so it’s not terrible to miss this opportunity with them at a conference, imo, unless your boss makes it one which is more of a boss problem. I’ve seen this at lots of conferences, because it’s an activity lots of people are doing regardless, same with cocktail hour which technically excludes people who don’t drink. There are meant to be enough options at one that someone can find one for them – but this is also part of what makes the conference feel so long for people, particularly who are running trade booths and trying to attract clients, because they try to have as much presence as possible.

      2. Laser99*

        If they are truly optional that is one thing, but according to what I have gleaned from this site, it can mean “We can’t say this, but if you don’t go, you will be run down behind your back.”

        1. blue rose*

          Yeah, but if we assume by default that “optional” actually means mandatory, that leaves no room for people to create actually optional things.

          The wording in the letter says optional. LW makes no mention that it’s expected participation.

          1. PurpleShark*

            This feels a lot like when you were a kid and parents said we paid X amount of money for the amusement park so we will be there when the doors open until they close to get our money’s worth. No matter how tired and ready to go the family is at 5 the park is open until 9. Employers who pay for these events generally have the sense they want you to get to everything to justify the cost.

            1. blue rose*

              For sure, and in the analogy you used, the parents are the stand-in for the LW’s employer, and the amusement park, the conference runners. The conference has optional morning workout time to attract people who like morning workouts, but it’s not part of the conference’s core professional content, hence, optional. Same with the cocktail hour—the conference organizers don’t think literally everyone wants both workouts and cocktails, obviously some people like both or only one or neither, but by offering a wide variety of incentives, they can attract more people to attend their events.

      3. LL*

        Yeah, it’s pretty wild to get upset that there are optional workout sessions. They are optional! You don’t have to do it!

        1. JSPA*

          It’s a way for people who habitually run in the mornings to be safe(er) in a strange city. Nothing nefarious.

    4. LaFramboise, academic librarian*

      yeah, yuck. Maybe some people want a workout partner but that’s a big no from me.

    5. HR Friend*

      What’s the problem with optional exercise sessions?! No one’s being put through mandatory burpee drills at 4am. If you don’t like exercise or morning exercise or group exercise, don’t go. Let the people who do like those things go enjoy themselves. “Oh wow.” is so needlessly condescending.

      1. MCL*

        Yeah, I have had people who like to run in the mornings want a way to meet with each other and have a group activity or workout buddy. Not everyone is comfortable running or exercising alone in an unfamiliar place. I see absolutely no reason why truly optional extra stuff like this shouldn’t be included?

      2. UKDancer*

        Yes the last confeeence I went to had an optional morning run both days. My colleague who is training for a charity race went and loved it and it put him in a great mood for the day. I did not but was glad he had fun.

      3. Snoopy*

        Agreed. We used to offer optional yoga sessions. *Completely optional* and a small group usually chose to attend. It was intended as a feature and fun event, not an additional expectation.

      4. HonorBox*

        I’ve attended conferences where some group runs are organized among friends/colleagues and others where there are optional yoga workouts in the morning. I’ve never heard of anyone who was cajoled by their boss to attend any of these. If people want to get together, great. I’ve done some of these and opted out of others. But it ends up as great networking.

    6. lunchtime caller*

      While I personally would never attend such a thing, I think it’s a great option to make things more accessible to those who can’t do evening commitments or don’t want to be at alcohol-based community building events.

      1. Lizzianna*

        Exactly. I’m wiped by the end of the day of conferences and meetings, so evening socials are not a great place for me to network. I like to walk in the morning but don’t always feel safe walking alone in a strange city, so a group walk would be perfect. I could do my networking in the morning, and then have an excuse to duck out fairly early in the evening.

        I think as conference organizers are offering options to people, no every option has appeal or be suitable for every attendee.

    7. Beth*

      Nothing wrong with an optional session.

      I feel like the real problem here isn’t the conference schedule–it seems pretty normal. They’re usually packed because the event planners want to offer as much as possible in the 1-3 days they have for the event. There’s no expectation for attendees to do everything; attendees pick and choose from the offerings.

      The problem I see here is with OP’s employer. If tabling starts at 8am sharp and goes until 5-7pm, why not staff in a morning and afternoon shift instead of requiring the same person to be there the whole time? Why would OP need a script to duck out after a 9 hour day (8am-5pm)? Is the EVP telling people (either explicitly or via implication) that they want to see everyone at every event?

      1. Alice*

        There is no way to organize a conference that can provent bad managers from having unrealistic expectations.

      2. Anne Elliot*

        This. If your boss expects you to be conferencing your heart out for 13 hours, that’s a problem with your employer, not with the conference. Many conferences are intentionally scheduled to run all day and into the evening and to have lots of options throughout the day, in order to allow people to maximize their returns on their travel investments by a combination of education and networking that works best for them. For few of those conferences is there the expectation that people will attend _everything_.

        So if you’re being made to staff the table all day long and therefore are missing out on networking opportunities you’d actually like to have — like the cocktail party or dinner — that’s a reasonable conversation to have with your employer. If you don’t care about the cocktail party or dinner, then don’t go. If it really is your employer’s expectation that you do _everything_, that’s a company problem, not a conference problem.

      3. Letter writer*

        Hey, LW here. My employer didn’t explicitly state that it was required for everyone to be at everything. In fact they were understanding when another coworker couldn’t be located, and assumed they were resting. However, I got several comments about missing dinner that ranged from a call asking if I would be joining them as they were sitting down to comments along the lines of “sorry I missed you at dinner.” It was more that people were recognizing that I was missing the opportunity to network with bigwigs etc. So I was lefting thinking jeez, what’s a good script for going back to my hotel, putting my feet up and shoveling food into my mouth with no interruptions? :)

        1. UKDancer*

          When I miss things I tend to say “I’m sorry to miss it, I’ve got some work I need to catch up on.” Or alternatively “I’ve a headache so I’m going to rest to be well and fit for tomorrow.”

        2. EA*

          This might just be my field, but I feel like most conference goers are pretty understanding if you just say that you were resting! I almost always skip dinners at conferences and try to do more coffee/lunch time networking – sometimes prioritizing that over sessions. I would proactively tell people you’re not going to eat with them so they aren’t waiting. I do wonder if the call and the “we missed you at dinner” was just people trying to be friendly vs. trying to make you feel guilty. Maybe you could also specifically mention to your boss when you did some networking during the event.

        3. CatParticle*

          I’ve found it useful to talk about it as something that happened, not something I chose, and then shift to talk about the event. So: “I know! I’m so sorry to have missed it! So, how did it go with Ms Important Person? Did you get to talk about Important Project?”
          Or, when making your excuses, don’t apologise or sound uncertain. Use a (warm) tone of ‘of course you can’t possibly stay for the 11pm team-building spelling bee, much as you’d dearly love to – you need to prep for the next day/get some rest/phone your cat.’ It’s a thing that can’t happen, not a thing you are choosing not to do.

        4. Beth*

          That makes sense! And I’m glad to hear your employer isn’t peak unreasonable-employer.

          But I’m still wondering why you were scheduled for so much work that you didn’t have time or energy left for other conference goals (like attending sessions or networking with bigwigs) afterwards. I know you referenced a chronic illness, but a full day of solo tabling would be enough to exhaust anyone. Do you think your boss just didn’t realize how much work he was asking you to do? If this ever comes up again, maybe asking to do half-day shifts would help.

          1. Letter writer*

            I definitely think that my boss simply didn’t realize. Boss is also an energizer bunny type of person who wouldn’t balk at that schedule. This column and comments helped me come up with a definite gameplan for next time <3

        5. disconnect*

          “Aww thanks! I had some stuff to get caught up on. What did you discuss?” Acknowledge the statement, express gratitude, provide a path forward for them to follow.

        6. Smith Masterson*

          I worked for a SW company that expected the 16 hour days for 3-5 days in a row. Then fly home on your time and show up to work bright and early. No comp time for you.

          When we did events, usually a few of the sales bro-dudes would disappear because of “calls.” Everyone else had to grind it out.

        7. amoeba*

          I think in my field, most people tend to really like the dinners and would be much more likely to skip the afternoon session to rest if they’re wiped out – so I’d say they just assume you were there as well and they actually just didn’t see you all evening or they were wondering whether they should save you a seat – wouldn’t see those comments as criticism!

          1. Songbird121*

            I think that’s how I would interpret them too. If I expected a colleague to be at the dinner and then couldn’t find them, I’d be stressing the whole time that they were looking for the group and couldn’t locate us. So if I’m going to split off I usually just say that I’m heading back to my room, getting dinner alone to recharge, going down to the gym, whatever so that the rest of the group isn’t looking for me.

      6. goddessoftransitory*

        Yes: it’s not the conference itself. It’s what the OP’s manager expects from their employees. If every single thing is required that’s three 12-14 hour days in a row! There’s two tiers of problem here–who’s running the tables for how long, and how much extra participation is being required after a full workday’s worth of labor.

      7. Texan In Exile*

        I always got stuck being in the booth all day every day (in the ugly men’s small polo shirts with the bottom 12″ cut off as well because it’s not like there are women in the workforce) because my employer was adamant that there be a Spanish speaker there all day.

        And then my boss still expected me to go to the dinners.

        I hated trade shows.

        (Oh! And that industry trade shows happened on the weekend so people wouldn’t have to miss work.)

    8. CTT*

      There’s a multibillion dollar industry based around group exercise classes; it shouldn’t be a surprise that people might want to continue their workouts while out of town, especially if it’s a no-cost option.

      1. UKDancer*

        Definitely. I mean I wouldn’t go for an early morning run (not a morning person and I don’t like running) but one of my colleagues thinks that’s the best bit about one of our regular conferences. But if I went to a conference with an optional lunchtime zumba class I would be at the front of the room dancing it up. Not been to one with that yet, but I can hope.

        Organisers do these things because they think people will like them. It’s not a punishment if it’s optional. If an employer is insisting on it then that’s an issue with the employer not the organiser.

    9. LL*

      I went to a conference that had yoga (I think) in the morning. Or something like that. It truly was optional for attendees. It was at like 7am, so I never went because I was up too late at evening receptions.

    10. Spiritbrand*

      They have those for our continuing education conferences, but I’m in a health-related field. We do some yoga type exercises for an hour each morning or afternoon (or both). It’s great, and completely optional, but you do get minor credits for going.

    11. Nicole Maria*

      I’ve never been to conference that has those but I’ve always wondered if a.m. workouts would actually help my productivity, so that seems like a fun way to try it out.

  2. ThursdaysGeek*

    What does ‘tabling’ mean in this context? Is the OP at a trade show and in charge of the company booth (or table)? Or is it something different? Looking up the word isn’t helping me.

    1. Jaime*

      In my field it means they are the ones manning the booth/table, which means they can’t really opt out of things.

      OP, if this the case is there a way your company can provide two people to help out? You can do shifts or maybe have overlapping times. One person for the whole day would be unheard of in my field.

      1. StressedButOkay*

        Only having one person table a booth, especially with such long hours, is terrible. I didn’t work many conferences but the ones I did we had two people. This mean we both were able to trade off who opened/closed down, trade off for lunch and bathroom breaks (!!), or even walk the trade floor once in a while.

        If OP’s the only one at the booth all day, every day, that’s terrible and no wonder OP is exhausted even before looking at the insanely long schedule of the conference in general.

      2. Nicosloanicota*

        Yeah that’s poorly done by OP’s company. If they can’t send more staff, they need to allow OP to skip out / come late / leave early from tabling.

        1. Beth**

          yeah, a lot of this is on the OP’s employer/employer culture. They should definitely provide enough people to do shifts on the table/booth, especially if they are long days.

          The OP mentioned “required” sessions running longer than the tabling. I’m not sure why there would be required sessions.

          Yes, if your employer pays for you to attend a conference, you should attend enough sessions for the employer to feel it was worth the cost of sending you. But no sensible employer is going to expect staff to make themselves physically ill just to attend every possible event in a long day of activities.

            1. Paint N Drip*

              that’s where I landed as well – they’re requisite for SOMETHING, I assume a license or designation versus the boss’ decree

              1. Sloanicota*

                That’s not really on the conference schedule then. I can understand being upset that your preferred credit courses are on an inconvenient schedule, but the conference can’t realistically be planned around what’s most desirable for one person, right? (You’d have to cut other panels, which might be credit for somebody else, to make sure your panels were at convenient, not too spaced out times). I think OP’s right that this situation stinks, but “conference schedules are too long” isn’t the right attack here.

          2. fhqwhgads*

            This is probably “How it works at the conferences I go to” influencing my train of thought here, but I took it to mean the tabling shift officially ends at 4p, but the big required sessions for participants (not vendors) goes til 5:30, so there’s potentially a lot of foot traffic past the tables when those sessions let out. So the employer ends up wanting OP to still be at the table at that time, even though in the conference schedule itself, it says the booths close at 4pm.
            But also in my experience, no one is scheduled to table all day. It’s usually everyone gets a 2-3 hour shift at the booth, and then the rest of the time they’re either attending sessions for their own educational benefit, or presenting, or doing something else. And no one gets scheduled over an entre mealblock.

        2. MsM*

          As someone who’s usually on the event organizing side of this and has just accepted my life for at least the two weeks leading up to it is just going to be 10+ hour days, I can confirm that even we aren’t expected to be on booth/registration/info duty for the entire day.

        3. Sheworkshardforthemoney*

          I went to an industry trade show and most booths were well staffed. I skipped the ones that had only one person because they looked overwhelmed and tired. They missed some opportunities because they can only engage with one person at a time and with so much going on, people won’t wait for a chance to talk.

      3. RIP Pillowfort*

        Yeah at our conferences tabling is just slang for running the company booth.

        But most companies run shifts of people (unless it’s a super small company) and generally take breaks while there are technical sessions being put on since most people will be in there. All of our conferences have dedicated breakouts for advertising tables so there are set timetables where the tables/booths are expected to be manned. They’re generally half hour/hour blocks throughout the day.

        We definitely need to normalize taking a break at conferences when you need to. I worked a conference in my first trimester of pregnancy and was the head of running sessions. I had at least one point where I was getting bad morning sickness and needed to rest during the day. I handed over the sessions to another worker and rested.

        Also I’ve had to prioritize work activities over sessions. I retreated up to my room to work. The key thing is you need enough people. I had people working with me/attending with me so I could do that.

        1. blah*

          “All of our conferences have dedicated breakouts for advertising tables so there are set timetables where the tables/booths are expected to be manned. They’re generally half hour/hour blocks throughout the day.”

          Yes, a conference I was just at did it this way. Between sessions, people had the chance to go visit tables and/or network, and it also served as a way to stretch your legs from sitting for an hour at a time. I would imagine people wouldn’t bat an eye if someone wasn’t at a table for a few moments when a session was taking place.

          1. RIP Pillowfort*

            Oh yeah. When I got up to go to the bathroom- almost no one is in the exhibition room when I was walking through. They’d either be taking a break or working on other things.

        2. Anne Elliot*

          The private company I worked for before returning to public employment distinguished between people who ATTENDED the conference and people who WORKED at the conference. The sales team staffed the table and the practitioners/administrative people attended the conference. The only people who sort of did both were the active salespeople (not sales admin staff or sales associates) who were trolling for new clients/schmoozing existing clients. They did the social stuff and went to some sessions and spent some time at the table. Basically, they did whatever combination they felt maximized sales returns. No one cared if the workers didn’t go to the social stuff, precisely because it was understood they were working literally all day. But if they wanted to go, the certainly could. Mostly they didn’t want to. (“Rubber chicken and speeches? Gosh, no thanks.”)

      4. Letter writer*

        LW here confirming you are correct. I was unable to opt out of things or take normal breaks. I knew this would be a problem for me what with chronic illness. I guess I didn’t factor in that it would be a problem for the average person, too. These comments are helping me realize that.

        1. Wendy Darling*

          Yeah, I do not have a chronic illness, I’m just an introvert, and that kind of day would fully wreck me — I would not be a pleasant dinner companion after 11 hours of working a conference table. That’s “order pizza and watch bad crime procedurals” level exhaustion. I’m not sure the extroverts I know would fare much better, either, because that’s just a super long day.

          I don’t know that you need to make any argument other than “You know, working the full day at the table is unsustainably long.” I suspect your coworkers would strongly agree. For a day that long you should definitely be taking shifts! My husband’s company runs a conference with similar hours where his team staffs a booth, and they have a morning shift and an afternoon shift.

          1. goddessoftransitory*

            How on earth is the LW expected to pee?? I mean, bodies have needs! Plus, I doubt I would be able to unbend my lower body after sitting at a booth for 8+ hours, or worse, standing!

            It’s like to some employers, people automatically turn into a “It’s A Small World” dolls once behind the booth and just nod and smile on a continual loop.

        2. Parakeet*

          Yeah LW anyone expecting you to be at everything the day has to offer is being unreasonable. My boss doesn’t even expect us to do that at the annual conference that my team runs. I have a chronic illness but not everyone on the team does, and nobody has ever had a problem with anyone just opting out of a social or something as long as we’re doing the parts that we’re slated to staff. And again, that’s a conference that we run, not one where we’re just attendees.

        3. ThursdaysGeek*

          In a past job where I did that, we ALWAYS had at least 2 people in the booth, because we had computers and stuff we didn’t want to leave unattended, and of course, people need to use the toilet and eat sometimes. Our company was cheap (no chairs, no padded carpets), but not so cheap that we didn’t have adequate people.

          1. I am Emily's failing memory*

            Yep, in my former non-profit job, I had some long hard days in high heels on barely-thinly-carpeted concrete expo floors that we certainly didn’t spring to cover with anything cushier of our own. Had a nightly ritual of climbing into bed, rubbing Traumeel all over the bottoms of my feet, and doing what I affectionately termed “Dead Bug Pose” – laying on my back, knees to chest, feet in the air – to try to drain all the blood out of my feet so the swelling would go down!

            But I was never alone for a full day! Most of the time there were 2 or 3 of us rotating in and out, and the odd small event I might have done by myself was usually one of those “expo hall is open for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon” type of schedules, so I wasn’t chained to the table all day!

            1. My oh my*

              I would buy epsom salt and soak after these days. Getting out of those slippery tubs was a bit dicey though! I wore light compression hose and put on heavy compression socks after the bath.

        4. Beth*

          Yeah, I’m an able-bodied people person, and a whole day of solo tabling would be a problem for me as well. I would want 1) to have at least 2 people tabling at a time (how do you do bathroom breaks when you’re the only one there?), and 2) to do a morning or afternoon shift–not both–so I could attend some sessions and/or get some networking time in addition to tabling.

  3. CTT*

    We just had a work retreat/conference that built in 2 hours of truly free time during the one full conference day and it was the best thing to happen at a conference. I’m going to be so mad at every conference I go to now that does not do the same.

    1. Mike*

      I always skip on lunch (often a bad sandwich boxed lunch with a plenary or non-keynote speaker) and go grab something, especially if it’s in a different city from where I live.

    2. Caramel & Cheddar*

      This. There’s a big conference every year for a ticketing/CRM system used in a ton of non-profits and while their conference usually runs like Sunday through Thursday, they started doing a half day on one of the days so that people could a) have some downtime, and b) actually go out and enjoy the cities they’re visiting. I was told years ago that this was because people kept skipping sessions to sight see, so they just baked sightseeing into the conference since people were going to do it anyway.

    3. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      The one conference I attended basically had us booked from 9 AM until 10 PM for two days, then a third half day and travel home. I had never done a conference before or since, but on one of the days, we had an hour and a half between the last info session and the gala dinner. It was definitely not enough. I don’t do hair/make-up/etc so it took me hardly any time to get ready and I only had about 45 minutes to lay down and decompress. I expect people who dolled themselves up had literally no time.

      1. ferrina*

        At one conference I worked, I was so booked that I brought my dress and makeup to the conference center in the morning, then changed there before heading to the third location for a formal event.
        At that conference I was doing triple duty (literally working events and covering for two other people). Would not recommend.

        1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

          I was lucky in that the hotel and conference were in the same building- except it was in the middle of no where, the company bused us to the location so we were trapped, and all we saw were our own coworkers and the (very nice, but still) hotel staff for three days. I liked my coworkers, but not being able to get away from them for 3 days straight was something. Fortunately, I had my own hotel room. Later, my awesome boss had told me that she and I almost had to share and while I would have done it, I’m really glad it didn’t shake down that way. I was very happy to, at the end of the day, go back to the room, make a nest of my two beds worth of pillows and blankets, and stare blankly at HBO while trying to unwind.

      2. Cathie from Canada*

        My husband’s company had a manager’s conference at Niagara Falls and people across Canada were excited to go. Their hotel was right across the street from the Falls!
        But the bus from the Toronto airport arrived at the hotel after dark, and by day 3 they still hadn’t had any breaks during the day. Finally when they got on the bus to go back to the airport, they mutinied. They demanded that the bus driver stop across the road so they could get out to see the Falls. And you can bet the company heard afterwards about how annoyed everyone was with the over-scheduling.

    4. Nicosloanicota*

      Ha see this is an example, I also just went to a conference with “too much” down time and I was annoyed. I paid a lot of money to attend and wasn’t staying at the hotel, so I ended up hanging around for multiple hours hoping I could chat with people but it was hard to catch anybody (huge facility, people scattered).

      1. Arrietty*

        They could have set up some kind of optional networking space where people can sit if they actively want to meet new people, perhaps with conversation prompts on the tables, to fill that space.

        1. Bringerofbrownies*

          I’ve been to a few conferences in my work that do this – either lounge space for anyone to come and go or bookable space where you can have 1:1 or even media interviews.

    5. Bike Walk Barb*

      What a fantastic idea!

      I’ve been to one that had half-hour breaks between sessions. We could visit the exhibitors’ hall or have our own hallway conversations, go back to the room and refresh, go walk around outside to breathe and see the sky. It was so much more manageable than the back to back marathon ones.

    6. Roland*

      I just always skip some session slots. It’s ok not to do everything. You’re not worse off skipping something than if it hadn’t even been scheduled – either way you are resting during that time, but people who find it interesting can go.

    7. LL*

      I went to a conference once that had a break in programming so they could do some recognition event in the exhibit hall and then had a keynote speaker immediately after that, so the break was like 2 1/2- 3 hours long. I went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame instead, completely worth it.

  4. Abigail*

    I just want to say that this is an area where organizers simply cannot win.

    A lot of presenters and attendees want to turn and burn. They do not want breaks, they want to optimize the time they are there. This is valid. The LW’s concerns are also valid.

    I hope we can keep this discussion on preferences for conferences instead of doing it Right or doing it Wrong.

    1. Specks*

      Ok, but one is a want and the other one is not a preference, it’s based on someone’s literal mental and physical ability. It’s frankly ableist to equate the two, and we need to stop doing that. As long as the conversation is “oh well, people have different preferences, can’t please everyone” instead of “yes, some people prefer to cram more in, but that approach is exclusionary”, we’ll keep having these problems.

      1. Cabbagepants*

        agree, people who want can network during the down time, but people can’t recharge during mandatory work events

        1. Saturday*

          I blame employers for making the events mandatory though, not the conference organizers for making a full schedule.

          If employers don’t demand their employees attend everything, a packed schedule can be beneficial because it provides a lot of options and offers more flexibility.

          1. ferrina*

            This. Last time I went to a conference, I got to pick and choose my schedule. It made a world of difference.

            1. JR17*

              Yes – the conference organizers are offering a buffet, for attendees to choose from. I will roll into breakfast or the first session at the very last possible second, and I’ll skip any really early sessions unless they’re REALLY good, but I’m happy to go late. But since others feel otherwise, it makes sense to offer a range. But it’s completely unreasonable for the employer to expect their employees to optimize every second, and even more so if they’re actively working, like tabling.

              I do like they they plan in time for breaks, informal networking, etc. though.

          3. Specks*

            But often they are mandatory, really. If you’re at a training conference, you can’t just skip a session teaching part 1 of something and show up later to part 2 with no clue. And at least with NGOs, pretty much every single employer basically expects you to attend a session every time there is one, so it’s a universal expectation. And in that case it is absolutely on the conference organizers to be reasonable. You can often achieve that with simultaneous smaller sessions, instead of having 10-hour or 12-hour days making sure that every single session is accessible to everyone (except, again, those who can’t physically handle the long days)… So often it is a decision of “do we prioritize the people who want to go to everything and will be bummed some sessions are simultaneous, or do we make the whole event more manageable”?

            1. NoWayToWin*

              They can’t win, because overlapping sessions means people have to pick, and those who want to maximize their time will be annoyed if there’s a lot of doubling up coupled with other time that doesn’t have one of the sessions but could.

      4. BPT*

        There are a number of reasons people attend conferences, including getting continuing education credits needed for their job, work meetings, presenting for their job, etc. Conferences that have shorter days but are spread over more days can also be exclusionary if people don’t have the money or have other reasons they can’t stay longer. Shorter days might mean attendees getting fewer CEUs, which again means they need to spend more money going to other conferences, which can also be hard physically or financially.

        The event itself is not dictating what you must go to during the event. Attendees are welcome to attend some sessions and skip some. No event organizer is going to penalize you for not attending a networking happy hour. If your job is the one with those expectations, then you should address it with your job. But the event organizers are dealing with competing needs, not just preferences, and so they do what they can to offer the most options to everyone, and allow people to choose what works for them.

        2. ferrina*

          Yes! This! This isn’t an issue where the conference organizers are forcing you to go to every event- this sounds like the company working the event (i.e., OP’s company) isn’t adequately staffing it. I’ve been there, and my average day was 12-14 hours.

          1. The Prettiest Curse*

            In my experience of working conferences, it’s pretty rare for companies to just send one person to staff a table. Usually it’s two or more, just because people need to take breaks. The OP’s employer is definitely not being reasonable if they are expecting them to do that alone!

        3. Funko Pops Day*

          One thing I’ve seen at conferences that I really like is having “quiet relaxation rooms” set aside in the conference space for people who need a physical or sensory/mental rest space– quiet, low lighting, lots of seating as well as open spaces to stretch or lie down, no laptop use or conversations permitted. It’s still up to people to navigate when to use it, but there’s at least some rest space that doesn’t require a schlep from a convention center back to a hotel.

      5. Abigail*

        There comes a point where stretching out the agenda necessitates lengthening the conference and renting the space longer is so expensive people are excluded for that reason, too.

        I think it is fine if the LW wants to skip the optional parts of the conference because that is what the word optional means.

        I do not think all conferences will change right this instant because there are other factors at play besides this.

      6. RP*

        I think it’s off-base to place the blame for ableism on conference organizers rather than employers who hold their employees to unfeasible standards of attendance and participation. Organizers are responsible for maximizing opportunities for attendees within a limited amount of time, with the expectation that people will determine which of those opportunities to engage with—nothing at a conference is truly mandatory outside of, say, a vendor’s or sponsor’s contractual obligation; organizers aren’t going to penalize someone who paid $450 for admission if they bail on the keynote address. The pressure and consequences fall solely on whichever higher-ups are requiring more than their employees can safely or comfortably give, independent of anyone’s hypothetical 100% attendance schedule.

      7. Letter writer*

        Thank you, lol. My thoughts exactly. I’m not pointing this out for fun here. I’m saying that the conference schedule had a clear impact on me and other attendees and literally everyone was tired. That is a problem no matter how you slice it. I didn’t come here to attack, I came here to get some scripts, lol.

      9. Roland*

        Is it exlusionary to offer both cheese and pepperoni pizza even though some people can’t eat meat? How would your life be improved by having fewer things scheduled? If your boss says “go to everything” that’s a boss problem, not a conference problem.

      10. Santiago*

        Adults with disabilities can and do make decisions based on their own needs. We are agents in our own lives. As someone with a physical disability, I sit out of something when I need.

        It’s just really wierd when people through the word ablism around so lightly.

    2. Jade*

      Agreed! Also a factor are sponsors who want lots of opportunities to engage with participants in order to get value for their investment. And leaders who want to see a packed agenda in order to justify the cost of sending their employees. The actual rank and file attendees’ needs get lost in the mix.

      1. ferrina*

        Often you can skip out on sponsor events. Unless you work for the sponsor, which it sounds like OP might.

    3. SansaStark*

      This is such a good point. There’s so much pressure on conference organizers to “make it worth it” for attendees and exhibitors and that says nothing of the pressure/politics from outside groups to hold their events. I promise if one of those optional events were cut, they’d hear tons of complaints about it from all sides.

      1. kiki*

        I want to start by saying the schedule is way too wild to expect any one person to stay at the conference that long every day. I am wondering, though, if maybe the organizers of the conference feel pressure to give people lots of options and opportunities to engage but don’t expect any individual to actually be present more than 50% of the day?

        I ask because once I was in charge of planning the office holiday events which totaled to 8 consecutive hours, but the expectation was that people would come and go as they pleased for what interested them. Like, the kid-friendly celebration/ winter petting zoo was from 4-6pm. Happy hour was from 6-7:30. Dinner was from 7:30-9:30. There was karaoke, bowling, games, and drinks from 9:30-midnight. There was no expectation in my mind or the mind of organizers that anyone actually participate from 4-midnight. We expected that most folks would stop by for the parts that interested them for an hour or two. I organized it and didn’t even stay for the whole thing— organizers worked in shifts. We had a lot of various events because there were always complaints when the holiday party was just one thing that didn’t suit everyone: J
        just drinks alienated parents, just dinner bored some people, making the whole event too kid centric alienated child-free employees, etc

        All that to say that I am wondering if this is an expectation issue on the part of LW’s employer rather than an issue for the conference itself? I feel like LW’s workplace needs to start having folks work the conference in shorter shifts rather than expecting folks to work the whole length of the conference.

    4. Ceanothus*

      I am on a few teams that plan about one conference per year, on average (small conferences, only a couple of hundred people). (And here I’m saying that I personally plan about one conference per year, not that each team does. I have one constant team with an every-other-year conference and in the off years I help other organizations out.)

      Anyway, when I was adjusting to different expectations between organizations, I stumbled on a resource that I haven’t been able to find again — it said that there were different types of conference, and a conference should know what it’s doing and do only that thing.
      1.) Training. Everyone is learning a thing. The conference should cover a standard work day, breaks can be short, everyone is basically there only to learn a specific, defined thing.
      2.) Community-based conference. Some careers are highly collaborative, and over half the benefit of attending is checking in with friends about how they’d approach specific work situations. It’s good to give extra time for talks, have long breaks between sessions, have optional social events (this is my favorite kind of conference to plan and attend.). The conference can have a very long day, but the early and late events should be extremely optional.
      3.) Conferences to communicate a company’s organizational culture: these should also have long breaks, and should ideally have built-in teambuilding time. Talks should be short, activities should be encouraged. Also, having an activity that is “check your email and put out fires” is very popular. I personally think that these should have a shorter-than-usual day, and should either be in driving distance for everyone or should be somewhere delightful.
      4.) Conferences to sell people on the use — or continued use — of a piece of equipment or software. I don’t have a lot of inputs on this, but I would assume the goal is to make the experience as pleasant as possible.

      Sometimes organizers pull the long schedule from a community-based conference and apply it to an organization’s conference, or put the down time from a training-based conference into an organization’s conference. (Sometimes both at once!) You shouldn’t do that — there are diminishing returns for most attendees.

      1. Bike Walk Barb*

        This is a really helpful framework!

        I’m taking “community-based” to be inclusive of a professional community, the way you described it as supportive of careers that involve collaboration. The conferences I attend are both community-building and also training, or at least learning, with some people there to get CEUs.

        Sponsor expectations skew this, in my experience. What would ideally be a community-based conference is funded in large part by people trying to sell you goods and services in the exhibit hall. If they cut out sponsorships they’d have to raise the registration fee, which would prevent some people from attending. It’s a no-win.

        I really love the idea of something on the schedule labeled “emails and other things on fire”. If that were on the agenda then the person with the mic could remind people they have that time ahead so they can put their phones down and actually listen to the speakers or participate in the tabletop or whatever it is. The length of conferences contributes to this tendency to pretend you’re multitasking when really you’re doing email with some sound in the background.

      2. Strive to Excel*

        I love this breakdown.

        And I can expand on #4, actually, having recently been to one! I would describe it as a hybrid between 1 & 2. 1) Providing training on how to get the most use out of it and 2) getting people who aren’t using it, or only partly using it, to network with people who are using it to spread good recommendations, use cases, and optimization around. Additionally there’s usually a bit of future roadmap “here’s where we’re going with this” and an opportunity to provide feedback on problem areas.

        I’d say that having a lot of smaller group sessions broken up by area of interest is helpful, and having a lot of time for group talk/feedback within those sessions is a best use. Unless you’re demoing a new feature, the most successful sessions seem to be show how the thing works + answer questions from the audience + get some feedback on audience members on how they’ve been using it, what works, and what doesn’t. Timing wise, having ‘hard’ sessions – training, keynote talks, etc – within the 8-5 range and ‘soft’ sessions – awards, big networking events – later in the day so people can duck out as needed.

      3. Letter writer*

        This is such an excellent point! The conference in question was 100% trying to be all things to all people. While I appreciated them for their inclusivity, it was ironic that I felt so excluded given my situation. I would love if they could use your framework instead.

    5. Ellis Bell*

      Even if there’s a lot of stuff planned, surely there’s something that could be expressed in the messaging that it’s a pick and mix deal, not a set menu? Something like “suggested schedule A for those here for x focus” and “suggested schedule B for those here for Y focus” complete with suggested breaks and an early/late finish that corresponds with the start time. If people still want to skip the breaks and stay late, you’ll know it’s not because of how the schedule was suggested to them. Whereas if you tell people an event starts at six am and ends at seven pm you’re expecting common sense to be more common than it is if you think people will apply critical thinking to it. It’s important when those people have the power to order those under them to stay the whole course.

      1. ferrina*

        I always assume that a conference is a buffet option. The events that are more “you need to attend it all” are usually called workshops, and they’ll state up front that you need to attend it all. (I’m in the U.S., so this also might be a thing where conference can have different meanings or connotations?)

      2. Sir Nose d'Voidoffunk*

        We had different “tracks” at the conference I used to go to at my old job. Membership track, communications track, government relations track, development track, etc., etc. But you could always pick and choose what you were doing, and the people from my org would often coordinate to get people to the most sessions. (There was no required continuing education component to this, which would have changed things significantly.)

    6. Bike Walk Barb*

      I go to several multi-day conferences every day for my work and I’ve gone to conferences for years and years in multiple industries. Not once have I heard anyone say, “Oh, if only they’d cram in more so I could turn and burn harder and faster!”

      I have only ever heard people valuing the hallway conversations they get outside the scheduled sessions, the chance to meet people in real life they’ve only known through email and Zoom, the time to talk with a presenter after the formal presentation so they could ask a question that wouldn’t interest everyone in the room, the time to connect with talented people they may want to recruit to their organization, the chance to go to dinner with new acquaintances who may become valued friends or connections.

      Yes, they build all of this around the learning exchange at the heart of the conference but the common theme here is time. Unscheduled time. The turn-and-burners can network harder and faster during breaks too.

      1. Letter writer*

        Amen. The amount of networking going on during breaks was bananas. And that was great! I would know, since I was literally in charge of it!

      2. Orv*

        I did go to a two day conference where there were only three events total. Everyone felt a little ripped off. So it is possible to go too far in the relax-a-con direction.

    7. JM*

      I am this person! I hate traveling for work and I need continuing education credits for my license. I think the last time I went to a conference I came away with less than 12 credits after 3 days (having a hard time remembering if one of those was a half day – it has been quite a few years). So many things take time and don’t count (keynote address, the sponsor booth sessions, networking time) and the days are so long. I skew introvert so the whole thing just always felt like a grueling waste of time to me. At least if I’m going to be exhausted by the whole thing, give me enough credits to get me through the next renewal period.

  5. TCO*

    I’m attending a small cohort-type conference next week. While I’m really excited about it, I’m also bracing myself for absolute exhaustion. Official events run 12+ hours a day for 3.5 straight days.

    Sometimes at big conferences I find I can duck out for a walk, some downtime in my hotel room, or an early bedtime. But this conference doesn’t have any space for that. Every event is a site visit, field trip, or restaurant meal (so we’re not going to be at our hotel). No significant breaks. There’s one night where we even have an official presentation *after* dinner. And since it’s a small cohort program, it’s not really possible to skip a session.

    Even though I know I’ll love this conference and I feel lucky to go, it’s just too much (and I’m very extroverted!). I wish they had planned for the evenings to end earlier or had inserted some real breaks so that I could come back energized, not exhausted.

    1. hi there*

      Guaranteed you will not be the only one in the cohort to want more breaks than what appears to be scheduled. “House rules” for your group, perhaps, meaning you collectively take more breaks? Good luck!

      1. TCO*

        Unfortunately, the schedule is packed with guest presenters and tours, so I’m not anticipating it being something we can really control in the same way as if we were doing our own strategic planning process or something. Even some of the meals come with presentations… it’s really packed.

    2. Bitte Meddler*

      My company held a 3-day “offsite” earlier this year where everyone flew or drove into a town near our HQ. Every single minute of every single day was booked, from 8:00 AM to 10:00 PM.

      I… cannot do that. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Can. Not. Do.

      Most events weren’t at the hotel, including the breakfasts, lunches, happy hours, and dinners. The company chartered buses to ferry the participants from location to location.

      I cited COVID protection measures and drove my own car to the events instead of getting on a bus. That meant I could put some face time in at an event and then quietly leave and go back to the hotel.

      If I’d flown in, I would have rented a car or paid for Uber/Lyft to be able to come and go as I pleased.

      Gods bless the people who thrive on being “on” in a huge crowd of people for 14 hours a day, but I am certainly not one of them.

  6. H.Regalis*

    You won’t do a good job networking if you’re exhausted and crabby. I’d pick and choose which events I’d go to as well; and as either an attendee or an organizer, that’s what I’d expect everyone to do. There’s a nice long breakfast for the morning people, and cocktail hour and dinner for the night people. You’ll need time to mentally digest everything you learn in the sessions. If you don’t do that, nothing will stick. Expecting people to run through a conference like it’s the work equivalent of Iron Man is ridiculous. Not that there aren’t employers who expect ridiculous things from their employees, but we can at least call it what it is.

    1. Nicosloanicota*

      I really see this as an issue of OPs management / company expectations to be honest. No conference I’ve been to have the expectation that everything is mandatory. They’re trying to offer lots of opportunities but expecting attendees will pick and choose what appeals to them.

      1. H.Regalis*

        That’s what I mean. I don’t think anyone organizing a conference expects all of the attendees to be at every single session and event. Like you said, that’s why you have lots of different things going on, so you can appeal to a wide range of people. It’s the employers who tend to have ridiculous ideas about it.

      2. UKDancer*

        Yes definitely. I’m at 2 conferences in October and I’ve picked out the bits that I want to attend. No way can I cover everything and the organisers get that. The key is to be selective.

  7. oaktree*

    The OP brings up that this is ableist, which is a good point. Another one: Those who run conferences seem now to all be extroverts. Heck, all of education seems to have swung that direction. It’s a nightmare now for introverts who just need some time to ourselves.

    And conference sessions, if you’re presenting, every single presentation MUST be interactive so the extroverts can learn. The pendulum has swung way too far.

    1. Abigail*

      This might have less to do with introverts and extroverts and more to do with the cost of renting conference space.

      It will be more expensive to stretch the agenda and networking out, thus making the conferences more expensive and less accessible.

    2. The Prettiest Curse*

      Could we please not make this an introvert/extrovert thing? Some conference planners, including me, are 1. introverts and 2. make a genuine effort to be inclusive and mindful of our neurodivergent attendees when planning our events. I’m very sorry that this is not the case in your field, but there is a LOT of discussion in the meetings and events field around the topic of making events accessible to all at the moment. Please keep sending feedback about ridiculous scheduling to the planners at the events that you attend. And, if you can, send emails saying why you’re not attending a specific event. The threat to their bottom line may eventually force a rethink!

    3. Nicosloanicota*

      Huh, I wouldn’t connect interactive curriculum specifically with extroversion. I think most research shows that just talking at a room for an hour or more is not a good way to convey knowledge for anyone.

    5. ferrina*

      We’re going to different conferences. I would call interactive presentations the exception, not the norm.

      Also, you’re confusing extrovert/introvert with learning styles. Some people have an interactive learning style, and to my knowledge that’s not tied to extroversion. Interactive learning just means that participants have the opportunity to experience the material, which can include tactile learning (hands-on experience), doing a poll/quiz style (which can gamify the experience), or a conversational style (which also keeps people from answering emails on their phone instead of paying attention). The conversational style would probably appeal more to extroverts, but that doesn’t mean that extroverts universally like or endorse it.

    7. Robert Smith's Hair*

      No. It’s a job. Some might have gotten into it so they can be in all the places but let me tell you…I want nothing to do with the people at my meeting 1×1. I want them to have an amazing experience, and my work helps to build that framework. I don’t want to interact with you and categorizing all organizers as this just isn’t correct.

    8. Parakeet*

      This has nothing at all to do with either ableism or introverts and extroverts. That is my opinion as a disabled introvert whose team runs a conference every year. Just don’t go to everything. If your employer is pressuring you to go to everything, that’s an employer problem.

    9. Aeryn*

      I don’t think finding a fourteen hour long workday tiring is an introvert/extrovert thing.

      And neither do I think asking participants to take part in an online poll on their phones, or even join a breakout group (which is more of a small workshop activity than a large conference activity to my mind), is unreasonably difficult for introverts.

      But if it is, you don’t have to go. Most conferences have a virtual/online option these days. Go to that instead, or get your CPD through a different method.

  8. The Prettiest Curse*

    These schedules are ridiculously long for the (usually underpaid) event staff too. If you are coordinating an event that starts at 7am, you have to be there at least 90 minutes early to set up. If the day finishes at 10pm, you don’t leave till everything is cleared up and set for the next day. I understand the desire to give maximum value to attendees for bigger conferences, but DO NOT DO THIS to your staff or your attendees because it is exhausting for both groups of people!

    The annual conference that I arrange has a relatively short day (whole event lasts for 6.5 hours and that’s if you stay for networking) and it is SO much better than working 14-hour days. I can produce a much better-quality event if I’m not running on fumes.

      1. The Prettiest Curse*

        Yes, unfortunately that can be the case at bigger events and especially those in the nonprofit world and I don’t think it’s a good practice. All of our event staff at my current event are our regular staff doing something else for the day, but we have enough people that nobody has to be there the whole day and everyone who’s there is there voluntarily. We have quite a few staff who don’t work the conference and that’s fine.

    2. The Conference Bored*

      The staff is being paid for their work. No one is being press ganged into working for a conference organizer, and if you work for a conference organizer you know that the jobs is not going to be 9-5.

      As for attendees, if you think there are too many events, pick the ones that interest you the most and skip the others. Other people thrive on attending all of them.

      Scheduling 6 hour conferences over several days is unrealistic because the organizer generally pays for the venue, and most attendees don’t have an entire week to devote to the conference.

      1. The Prettiest Curse*

        I very much know that most conferences don’t work the way mine does, and I do not work 9-5 during conference season. But there are multiple national and international conferences that go on for 4-5 days at least (often these are the ones that are held in resort-type locations), so clearly some people are willing to go to conferences that long.

  9. Stuart Foote*

    I do not like conferences and avoid them wherever possible, but this schedule is not “ableist.” By that standard, literally everything in the world would be ableist since some things are inevitably going to be harder for some people than others. It feels like some people can’t imagine things being a bad idea on their own without tying it to some social justice concept.

    Also, some people would say that if they are going to being traveling anyway, and lots of industry people are in the same place, it makes sense to maximize that time as much as possible. Not my cup of tea, but I see the logic.

    1. Quill*

      You do know that ableism is actually a pretty constant structural force in society, correct? That the reason the concept of ableism exists is not to take an unpopular thing and “tie it to some social justice concept” but to put a name to the pattern of institutions operating in ways that tend to exclude disabled people or force them to disclose their conditions.

      Just because something is industry standard does not mean it can’t be exclusionary.

    2. Having a Scrummy Week*

      Consider that a world designed only around the needs of the able-bodied is, by definition, ableist. I didn’t know that designing spaces and events to be accommodating to people of different abilities was “some social justice concept.”

      1. Stuart Foote*

        Don’t get me wrong, if I were OP’s manager I’d work to accommodate her (or try to make reasonable expectations known ahead of time), but this schedule isn’t even that bad. Two and a half hours are dedicated to cocktails and dinner! I get how that could be draining for introverts, but there are tons and tons of jobs where working 11 hours is not uncommon at all, and the work involved is much harder. Working in industries like food service, hospitality, construction, farming, or sales would typically mean that there are often times where you end up working 11 hours, and doing much harder work. Calling what OP is going through “ableist” stretches the definition of ableist to the breaking point.

        1. The Conference Bored*

          tons and tons of jobs where working 11 hours is not uncommon at all

          Seriously. These people should try working at a professional services firm.

          1. Hroethvitnir*

            That is, in fact, not a good thing. Particularly in the industries where working 11 hour days still won’t pay your bills.

            Few people can maintain that schedule without being damaged by it, and that is not a standard we should think is just peachy.

            If finance people want to burn themselves to the ground for money that is truly optional, but whole industries relying on people not having other options to work 11 hour days are *a bad thing*.

            We will all be disabled one day, if lucky enough to live long enough to be considered elderly.

    3. Bike Walk Barb*

      What Quill and Having a Scrummy Week said. Structuring something so that–by design–only people whose bodies can withstand extended whatever-it-is means that whatever was designed will exclude some people without considering that outcome.

      This isn’t a case of someone needing to lift heavy weights because they work in a warehouse so there’s an inherent logic to the design (setting aside the possibility of accommodations for the sake of making a point). This is a common practice that started somewhere and could be changed. If it changed it would benefit everyone, not only those who have disabilities that constrain their opportunity to participate.

      Look up the article in the Stanford Social Review on the curb-cut effect. Eliminating ableism benefits everyone.

      Considering the number of comments from people saying they don’t have a specific disability but they also find these schedules brutal, this is a great topic on which to speak up for change if you’re in charge of organizing something. Or you could keep excluding people by design even though you’ve now been given the opportunity to think about it some more.

      “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
      ― Maya Angelou

      2. Skeptic*

        I no longer trust research out of Stanford and similar institutions, particularly from a journal like the “Social Review,” on topics that touch on so-called social justice.

        There are too many “scholar activists” out there (that was Tetty-Tamaklo’s self-described status at Harvard) for this kind of “research” to be unbiased.

      3. Roland*

        I’m sorry but attendees are all adults and need to simply not go to everything if it’s too much. It’s not the organizers’ fault that people go to everything and then complain that it was too much. I have never in my life done something during every time slot of a conference.

      4. the 1%*

        “Eliminating ableism benefits everyone. ”

        This talking point is highly debatable. Lots of cases in which ADA requirements have made life worse for other people. I used to go to a gym with a sauna. Awesome! Except the sauna wasn’t wheelchair accessible…so they shut it down. :( There was no “benefitting everyone” there, just hurting everyone who used the sauna without benefiting the wheelchair users.

        Installing elevators is another example. It benefits people who can’t take the stairs, while making the majority of us all a little bit less healthy because of the lack of exercise.

        Even curb cuts have a negative side; they make life harder for another with a bag on wheels, and they hurt your feet if you’re wearing thin shoes. Everything’s a tradeoff, and there is no free lunch.

    4. Arrietty*

      It absolutely is. I know at least half a dozen people who would not be able to attend an event with this schedule for reasons of disability and/or medical condition. If you design something that is not accessible to disabled people, you are prioritising non-disabled people. That’s ableism.

      1. amoeba*

        But they could still attend and just… skip dinner or skip the cocktail hour or decide to have breakfast in their room instead of with everybody or skip a lecture or two to have a nap in the afternoon because they would actually like to go to dinner? People do all of those in my field and nobody bats an eye, it’s more like “aah, no, 9 a.m. lecture the day after the dinner? Doesn’t look that interesting, I’ll rather sleep in!”
        I guess I really just don’t get why not being able to attend every single thing equals to not being able to attend at all.

        It is of course different if you’re there manning a table for your company! But then how that’s organised is on your employer and not on the conference organisers, it’s hardly their fault if employer is stingy and decides to understaff the booth?

    5. Hyaline*

      So my take is that if the conference simply has a very full schedule, but most of it is free choice, it’s not ableist. Anybody can choose to pack in every panel and session and social hour…or not. But LW’s employer has ableist expectations of her schedule if they actually expect her to be on for twelve hours straight. That’s an ableist expectation.

    6. Analyst*

      By that standard, literally everything in the world would be ableist

      That’s actually the point….most things are in fact ableist

      1. Saturday*

        I think that really waters down the term ableist and takes away its power.

        Not everything is going to be accessible to everyone all the time. The point is to accommodate people when and where possible. I don’t think offering a full conference schedule is ableist because people can pick and choose which events work for them. Making them mandatory would be ableist, but the conference isn’t doing that.

        1. Bleu*

          ^^This is a good point. Ableism’s is important to call out and a real societal issue, AND tends to be overused online currently in a way that drags down the whole conversation.

          The conference schedule isn’t ableist because you’re supposed to pick and choose. Manning a booth for a full day with no relief is (but would also be a total no-go for most non-disabled people too!)

  10. Purple Cabbage*

    That’s rough! I like conferences, but I’ve never made the effort to attend everything all day – especially not at the multi-day conferences. I don’t have the mental or physical stamina for that!

    From what I’ve seen across two different industries plus the fan-based conventions, the conference organizers get more money (for profit, or feeding attendees, or their professional organization, or whatever) if they allow the largest possible number of vendors and presenters. So they pack the schedule.

    From being on a few conference-planning committees myself, I know events like optional workouts and cocktail hours are very popular with some attendees. People will request / suggest these things if you don’t have them. Conference organizers don’t design the schedule expecting everyone to attend all the events though.

    Even vendors either bring a rotation of people to cover the table or just abandon their booths for a while to eat and get breaks. It’s normal and expected.

    My employer expects me to network casually and see at least two or three quality presentations that offer new info or new ideas. It seems very unreasonable that some companies would expect active attendance at everything. Some companies are indeed very unreasonable though…

    OP, you can definitely push back on this in good conscience!

    1. Nicosloanicota*

      Yeah, I only attended the majority of the panels when I was more junior. At some point my boss explained that when you attend the same few conferences every year, there’s no expectation that you’ll be in panels all day – you might be networking in the hallway, scheduling a coffee (ok in my field more likely bar) meeting, or resting in the room.

    2. Letter writer*

      I appreciate you saying that and I have resolved to do so at the next conference I attend. You’re dead on here.

    3. Aeryn*

      You literally CAN’T see everything at most big medical conferences I go to – there are 4+ rooms running in parallel. You pick and choose, and sometimes if there’s nothing that takes your fancy you skip off for the afternoon.

      For some reason there is always a lot of clashing stuff on one day that I would love to see all of but can’t, and at least one afternoon where there’s nothing relevant to me. I’m a total convert to virtual conferences for precisely this reason. I can watch everything I missed, on catch up when the things I don’t want to see are happening live.

  11. HailRobonia*

    Don’t even get me started on the 8 million “networking” emails I get even prior to a conference which are mostly just sales pitches. And then after a conference I am suddenly on 93 email lists and spend weeks unsubscribing from them.

  12. Specks*

    This is also so inconsiderate of the fact that for most people, some minimum of regular work still has to happen on top of the conference. Even if events end at 5 or 6, I usually have to put in 2-3 hours of work after to not drop any urgent balls. And when things like this happen with official dinners and cocktails and whatever every night, the only choices are to skip those or be up until 2 am with work stuff. It’s ridiculous and insane even for a healthy person, which I’m not.

    1. amoeba*

      But that’s again an employer problem, not a conference problem? When I go to a conference, I want to get the most out if it and I’d be pretty annoyed if they had fewer cocktail/dinner options because some participants still have additional work to do? (Just don’t join for dinner then!)

  13. Nicosloanicota*

    Having been a conference planner, I can only say there is no way to win, as people will complain about whatever you do. As said in the advice given, it’s not *my* expectation that people will do everything, so that’s more of a boss-issue IMO. Although we are frequently trying to make schedules that don’t make it irresistible for everyone to skip the same elements, because *someone* has to be the last panel/first panel/panel right before lunch/after lunch. Some of the pressure also comes if a LOT of people want to present – in that case, adding early/later sessions is an attempt to create more opportunities for new/younger people or more-niche subjects.

    1. Ama*

      Yes, when I was helping plan scientific conferences we’d make the schedule less intense due to complaints one year and then get so many complaints that “we didn’t have time to do X, Y, and Z” that we’d change it back, and then it was right back to “this schedule is too packed,” again. And this wasn’t the introverts complaining about one thing and the extroverts complaining about the other — it was the same people every year. Short of bending time and space to somehow fit 12 hours’ worth of conference material into a 5 hour schedule I don’t know how we were supposed to make it work. It’s one of the primary reasons I will never work a job that has to plan events ever again.

      1. The Prettiest Curse*

        Yeah, unfortunately part of events planning is accepting that people are just going to complain whatever you do. This year, people complained that our poster session took up too much space, so we’re not going to do it next year and they’re going to complain about that. I cope with it by asking my boss to read the evaluation comments and then give me a summary!

        1. UKDancer*

          Yes it’s really difficult planning events. I’ve done small scale internal events and I never want to do them again, and I like most of the people in the companies I’ve worked in.

          In my experience it’s not the event planner who makes people attend everything. I mean unless you’re speaking at a session they probably won’t notice whether you’re there or not. It’s a problem with management making the OP attending things.

          I think all the organisers can do is try and schedule things that people have indicated they will like and hope for the best. Oh and have enough tea. The only time I’ve absolutely slated a conference was when the teabags ran out mid morning (and that was probably the venue’s fault).

          1. The Prettiest C.urse*

            Running out of tea or coffee at an event is one of my top 5 nightmares as an event planner!

            1. Nonprofit Guy*

              I occasionally text my old colleague “Coffee is out and Room 102 is too cold” when I know he’s onsite just to mess with him.

  14. Rep (taylor’s version)*

    Thank you for this letter! A few conferences in my industry have walking tours and morning workout sessions and I cannot walk very far, so no tours for me.

    I attended one conference that required a very long distance to walk from the venue to the restrooms (up to a higher floor) and wouldn’t let us use the elevator to access them(!!), and then also had a very long distance from the venue to where lunch was set out, that also required us to wait in a long, standing line. At one point, as the line was getting longer, one of the event staff directed me to a different lunch line and I said “I’m fine here.”

    1. Letter writer*

      The line thing literally happened to me at this conference too! Long standing line and I was told to get out of it and go into another one by hotel staff. Honestly there was so much other little stuff that I couldn’t even fit into this letter…

      1. Hroethvitnir*

        IME discussions like this are a level too high for your average person who hasn’t spent time thinking about accessibility before. The default is to think of any level but 100% functionality as an exception that you’ll accommodate if you’re not actively ableist, but that’s not the reality of humanity.

        Obviously we have to work within the constraints of reality, and some of the social structures are so deeply entrenched that it’s not realistic for them to be terribly accessible immediately, but it would be nice for people to see changing that as worthwhile.

        I think a lot about how most brain things are a spectrum with a nice bell curve of “typical” and if you go far enough to one side you can end up in “disorder”. But if culturally we were less married to conformity and instead expecting that in reality there are *always* people with limitations in any given group (you just hide it if it’s not safe), we could collectively make a good faith effort toward supporting people as individuals.

        It’s hard to talk in generalities, but the simplest example is wanting a diagnosis to let someone use headphones where it will not impact their work – and treating them differently when they get that. Diagnosis: not always desirable!

        Also, a good friend I worked with who almost certainly had pretty bad ADHD. She was an incredibly dedicated worker who struggled with specific tasks, and it would be easy to either not have her do that or institute additional checks (as there should have been and were eventually added for everyone). Instead she was let go while we kept people who made mistakes because they did not care.

        Dubiously legal here in Aotearoa, but she wasn’t in a position to do anything about it. :(

        1. Hush42*

          As a manager it is absolutely insane to me that there are employers who don’t just let everyone whose job doesn’t explicitly disallow it to where headphones. I.e. unless you’re literally answering the phone non-stop all day or not being able to hear your surroundings is a safety issue just allow everyone, ADHD or not, to wear headphones!
          I know I am soooo much more productive with headphones in and I suspect that holds true for quite a lot of people.

        2. Rep (taylor’s version)*

          I would agree. A lot of people hear “accessibility” and only think about wheelchair users. If they even get that far.

    2. Coverage Associate*

      I don’t keep kosher, but at the last conference I attended, I mostly ate kosher food, because those booths had the shortest lines. (Considering that the lines were shortest, I am sure that there was enough kosher food for the people who do keep kosher.)

  15. Ruby*

    This is not a conference schedule problem. This is an employer problem.

    Talks presumably start at 9, or possibly 8:30. 8:30-5:30 is not outside the realm of a reasonable workday which includes an hour for lunch.

    If LW’s employer is requiring her to attend and socialize during all the meal events and placing expectations of tabling on top of attending a full day of talks, that is an employer problem. It is not a conference problem.

    1. DrSalty*

      Agree. The conference organizers aren’t forcing you to go to happy hour or the morning walk or whatever. They’re scheduling all these events because people want them. If you don’t want to participate, then don’t. There’s no penalty.

      If your BOSS is forcing you to go to all these events, then that’s a different problem.

  16. High Score!*

    Even though I’m a big time introvert, I enjoy these conferences because it’s a good opportunity to learn more about my industry and make connections in an interesting environment.
    The difference is my company allows us to pick which events we attend and its all voluntary with zero expectations – which is how conference organizers intended. If we have tables at the event those are manned by sales and marketing on a volunteer basis.

  17. Rep (taylor’s version)*

    Can we also talk about all day long meetings that don’t include break times OR lunch??? In my experience, the meetings run by men do not include these breaks which is ANNOYING because either you wet your pants or miss an important conversation.

    1. H.Regalis*

      I drink a pot of coffee and a half gallon of water most days. Bathroom breaks are happening whether anyone okays it or not XD

      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        In my experience of long all-day meetings, I never get to eat much of the lunch because I am being asked to print documents, prepare things or locating somebody to handle things I can’t do since I am in the meeting. (Taxis, boarding passes etc.)

        Or I schedule breaks on the agenda, and the decision gets taken that a break isn’t needed since the meeting can go straight through.

        1. H.Regalis*

          I couldn’t do your job then, because I would literally pee my pants. The coffee I need for a medical condition and the water I need to balance out the coffee.

        3. Bike Walk Barb*

          I’m lucky to be in a position where I can push back at the “power through” suggestion and I always get support from others in the room, not opposition. Said with a tone that says “of course reasonable people agree”, something along the lines of, “Oh, no, we need to get our energy back for the important stuff at the end! That’s what breaks are for.”

          Adult brains really can’t absorb as much as someone else can deliver in a given time block.

  18. Cabbagepants*

    Business travel is exhausting and disruptive to my personal life. Having free time before and after work to sightsee or visit local friends is very critical fringe benefit. Business trips without free time feel like a ripoff.

    1. Chairman of the Bored*

      Agree completely.

      If an employer is shipping me to a faraway place they better allow some time for me to go *see* that place while I’m there, or the trip is just more work and hassle for me without any upside.

    2. Abigail*

      I would rather have (2) 14 hour days than (4) 7 hour days. By a significant margin.

      Your preference is valid. So is mine. There is no way for conference organizers to make everybody happy.

      1. Arrietty*

        But you’d presumably be physically able to attend four 7 hour days (as long as you could go home at night – I realise that’s not always the case). Some people physically cannot do two 14 hour days. That’s the difference.

        1. Lexi Vipond*

          How often do you go home at night at a conference? (Genuine question.) 4 days instead of 2 are likely to be harder for a lot of people with caring responsibilities, possibly even if they’re home at night but out more days than usual.

          Even without that, costs are going to go up a lot, since you’re paying for twice as much venue time and twice as many meals, which is going to mean a lot of people can’t go, especially from poorly funded subject areas or poorer parts of the country. And unless there’s a lot of spare event space at the moment, fewer events can run, which again is going to affect the more marginal events, and mean a lot of people have nothing to go to.

          I’m not saying that the OP’s situations is at all reasonable, or that you shouldn’t think about how to schedule breaks and generally make things easier, but there aren’t many changes that have no consequences at all.

        3. Temperance*

          Four full days is possibly more than doubling the travel, making alternative childcare arrangements, and extending the time away from home. There are also people who are caregivers or backup caregivers for relatives who could easily get away for two or three nights but couldn’t for five or more.

          Basically, you’re imposing a heavier lift on more people, and that will disproportionally harm women.

    3. Bitte Meddler*

      In my 20’s and 30’s, I was in sales. I routinely flew across the country 2-5 days a week. I remember being out with friends one night and talking about the places I’d traveled to in the recent months, and they were like, “Oooh! That’s so cool that your company pays for you to travel. I would *love* to be paid to go to X-city!”

      My response was, “Airports and conference rooms all look alike after awhile,” because there was never even a spare hour for sightseeing. Just… get off the plane, get my car, drive to hotel, go to bed, eat breakfast in my room while getting dressed, drive to client site, have meetings all day, go back to the hotel to do my non-facetime work, go to bed, repeat for 1-3 more days, drop off car at airport, fly home, fall into bed, get up and go into the office the next day.

      I was too poor at the time to pay for a hotel on my own, so I couldn’t fly in a day or two early / fly out a day or two late.

      1. Cabbagepants*

        I just had two back to back business trips like this, and I feel you. The most awake unscheduled time I had was in the airport waiting for my flight!

    4. Lucy Liu*

      I once had an employer who would not allow people to tack on personal days to business trips – even at their own expense. I have no idea what the logic was behind that (insurance liability???) but it was the most infuriating rule I’ve ever come across.

      1. Expectations*

        This has been standard at every place I’ve ever worked. I didn’t know anyone allowed it until I started following this site.

  19. hi there*

    The best conferences I’ve attended have truly optional or niche topics in strategic blocks that give the general attender a significant-break option. These are usually stacked with lunch time (e.g., lunch begins at 11:45, niche session at 12:30, next full session at 1:30). Or, I’ve attended with a colleague and we tag-team sessions so that we each get a proper break without content we (think we) need being missed entirely.

    Conferences are rough. I feel you. (And also +1 to the commenter that said organizers can’t win. Too much range among all the preferences!)

  20. .*

    If your job is to “table” (i.e., something like Marketing Communications, Sales, sales support, etc.)…it’s not “ablist”…it’s the job.

    If it isn’t part of your job – and you’re just being tasked with it (for instance, former employer always drafted the smokeshow girl from Accounting to attend and table)…then you can opt out. You don’t have to disclose your medical condition in order to seek accommodations. Or just make yourself unavailable.

    The letter writer sounds to me like someone who is in a role where this is a norm and likely an essential job function for their role. If that’s true, suck it up or transition your career.

    1. cindylouwho*

      Telling someone with a chronic illness to “suck it up” for 11 hours days or change jobs is horrible. Empathy – ever heard of it?

      1. Boof*

        Why do you end with a zinger when trying to preach empathy? D:
        That being said, either the demands of the job are or are not compatible with the LW; I do think LW needs to think about what they’re reasonably able to do and propose a modified schedule to their boss. I’m really wondering if they’re actually expected to do the marathon they’re describing, because for my line of work a lot of what’s listed is optional, but maybe someone in sales or something would be expected to go to all of it without a discussion.

        1. cindylouwho*

          Because I don’t particularly feel the need to tone-police when people are being cruel. There were much nicer and more productive ways to say what they said.

    2. Boof*

      Honestly, I’d be kind of shocked if companies tried to make people table for over 8 hours straight with no breaks – makes way more sense to me to have people table in, say, 4 hour shifts and then enjoy some of the conference – or at least build in some breaks for lunch etc.

      1. No Longer Working*

        I read through all these comments and was totally confused because I assumed “tabling” meant her firm was an exhibitor and she needed to be at their table. Not as an attendee, which is a different situation. The table must be staffed at all times, but I was thinking, a solution would be to have more staff at the conference so they can get breaks. For instance, you have 3 people attend, then you can always have 2 at the table so the 3rd can get a break.

        But maybe I don’t know what tabling means.

    3. Letter writer*

      LW here. I am not someone who typically is charged with tabling. This whole response was unnecessary. Have a lovely day!

    4. Hroethvitnir*

      You think that someone who does tabling occasionally should leave the whole industry or not have a problem with excessively long days, when the norm in most industries is having multiple people cover a booth?

      The crab bucket mentality will not save you.

    5. peter b*

      This is incredibly rude! The long days described with no breaks, even just narrowed to the tabling part, is totally unreasonable. You shouldn’t have to “just suck up” not getting a breather or lunch or what have you.

    6. Agent Diane*

      I’m in comms. Expecting someone to do a full day at the stand with no breaks is NOT the job. We always sent a team of at least two, to allow each person working the stand to take breaks throughout the day. We also never expected people there for the stand to do all the social stuff afterwards unless they wanted to.

      OP’s employer sucks.

    7. bop*

      A lot of my job is tabling and it’s absolutely exhausting (often 12-16 hour days easy) but it’s also the job I signed up to do so it is what it is.
      Of course they don’t have to disclose any medical conditions to their employer but then they can’t use that as a reason to complain if the company isn’t given a chance for accommodation. OP if this is a large part of your job and your condition is genuinely getting in the way then I think you should absolutely bring it up. If you don’t want/aren’t able to do these events anymore then I have to agree that maybe a transition is best.

  21. JFC*

    I’ve never been to a conference where my presence was required at every single thing on the schedule. If OP’s employer is requiring that, it’s untenable. But, is it possible that they’re just assuming they have to be at everything when that’s not truly the expectation? Pick and choose which sessions you want to attend and skip out on the others. If someone asks where you were, you can always say you needed to catch up on emails or a quick virtual meeting in your room. If other people from your company are in attendance, make a schedule with them for manning the table. There should be a rotation for that anyway.

    It also sounds like the morning workout sessions may be optional, so I wouldn’t put any emphasis on that at all. As for the evening socializing, there can probably be a middle ground — maybe you pop in for 30 minutes instead of 90. Or, go to an event every other evening.

    I think OP is putting some extra pressure on themselves that may not be there.

    1. Nicosloanicota*

      I hope this is the case. I remember finding it revelatory that I could just skip a session and go lie down in my room for an hour. Nobody gave me permission and if I’d asked, maybe they would have tried to guilt trip me about a missed opportunity, but it’s always been fine to do.

      1. Boof*

        Wow; yeah – I started at huge conferences with so many things there’s no way to go to them all + I saw various mentors who only attended little bits. 100% I think work should make it clear what things are expected to attend (if any) at a conference and it shouldn’t be everything!

  22. Boof*

    My experience with conferences (cancer conferences ie ASCO etc) is yes, there are activities that run all day, after parties, etc, all which are potentially valuable. You basically have a few days to schmooze with thousands (sometimes 50 thousand!) people. Sometimes I love the marathon, I’m ready for it; I did go to one conference with a 6 week old ~giving myself permission to take it easy~ and I did. For me at least, a lot of the events are sort of optional, recorded; and yes being in person and talking in person is a little better (sometimes) than recorded but if you need to pace yourself catching up on recordings at 2x and skimming the abstracts is better than nothing.
    IDK, I guess i’m saying I hear you but there’s no one size fits all and i think it’s best to try to make sure the events are flexible / recorded / etc and people who need more breaks can take them.

  23. Matcha Frappucino*

    One thing that my organization does is to give us compensation time for the hours at the conference. So if we get all of our hours in for the week, we can just take the rest of the week off as long as things are taken care of for our job. This helps to even out going extra hard the days of the conference.

  24. QED*

    To get back to what the OP is asking for, which are strategies for justifying why they aren’t attending everything, if this comes up a lot I think talking about it at a 1 on 1 before the conference happens might make sense. If you’re already meeting with your boss about the conference or it comes up at another 1 on 1 meeting with them, I think it’s worth mentioning that you can’t do days that long/need breaks for any of the reasons Alison used in her answer, that you’ll attend all the required sessions/tabling and give it all you can when you’re there, but that you’re unlikely to attend optional activities (or just say you won’t attend them), and you know that might have networking consequences, but that’s a trade-off you feel you have to make. I do think that setting all this out in advance can be helpful if your boss is kind of always asking about it during the conference. It can also give a reasonable boss to say something if they feel a particular optional activity is more important for you to attend and maybe the two of you can talk through alternatives that can work for you (like having someone else take over tabling for an hour or two so you can rest then and attend the cocktail hour and network later).

    1. Letter writer*

      This is a really good point. I should definitely do this with my boss (who is a very reasonable yet very able bodied from what I can tell human being) and just lay it out for them so they’re aware of my limitations. They’d probably have told the execs in attendance that I’m tabling all day and not going to dinner. It wouldn’t resolve all the invitations i got to go to dinner from coworkers, but Allison’s scripts work well for those!

      1. Songbird121*

        Another way to think about your colleagues reaching out is that if I expected a colleague to be at the dinner and then couldn’t find them, I’d be stressing the whole time that they were looking for the group and couldn’t locate us. So those comments might be less chiding and more, we couldn’t find you and were concerned. Reasonable or not, I know I always worry about people feeling excluded or forgotten about when members of my group are not with us during a gathering time, especially the optional stuff. So if they aren’t there I tend to call or text to check in and make sure they seeing looking for us. So if I’m going to split off I usually just say that I’m heading back to my room, getting dinner alone to recharge, going down to the gym, whatever so that the rest of the group isn’t looking for me.

    2. mcm*

      Yes, I’ve done this with my boss before in a different conference setting (not tabling, just attending). Saying in a 1:1 beforehand, “I’m looking at the schedule for conference X and seeing what makes sense to attend and what I can skip if I need a break — is there anything in particular you want me to make sure I hit? Definitely planning to attend [panel by important client].” Depends on the boss I’m sure but my boss found that completely reasonable, and it made it so I was incorporating his priorities.

  25. cindylouwho*

    Fellow chronic illness person here. I have started letting my work know that I do not go to conferences. Once a year, this is unavoidable, and I go, but otherwise, I (quite luckily) can say NO

  26. approachable nerd*

    As others have mentioned, balancing what is reasonable to get done in a single day and how many days people can devote to a conference is an unwinnable challenge given the ranging needs and priorities of the group. I think that the real issue here is not the conference schedule itself, but your EVP’s expectations for employees. No one is going to be their best after multiple 12 hour days.

    My group attends conferences with similar schedules, and typically takes a “divide and conquer” approach. Not everyone needs to be in every session (especially those that aren’t directly related to the work we are doing), and we can build in a bit of downtime for everyone at different times in the day. I’m fortunate to have a boss who agrees that attending some-but-not-all of the talks or skipping dinner one night is reasonable during those long weeks. There will be keynotes or face times with VIPs that needs to be prioritized, but those should be limited. If your coworkers all agree the days are all too long, maybe you can work together to find a more balanced approach for everyone without having to share more health details than you are willing to?

  27. Conference Veteran*

    I love the well-run conferences in my industry, but as a sober person and introvert I choose to rarely meet colleagues out for the evening meal. I’m worn out by 7 pm and if I’m going to pay attention at all tomorrow, I can’t be out until 10 pm tonight. It’s never been a problem because I stay fully engaged during the day, meaning that I participate in discussions, ask questions, and introduce myself.

  28. Been There*

    Well this ties in nicely with the “how to be a considerate senior leader” topic doesn’t it? As someone who has had to man booths at conferences, my number one thing is that the food is always scheduled around when the attendees are available – in one instance the hotel restaurant opened at 8. The conference started at 8. We had to be in place at 7:30. There were no breaks that allowed us to get anything to eat, and the only hours that we could have gotten food was 6-11 pm. Working this event was viewed as a reward (yeah, right), and executives were stingy on who was allowed to travel and be onsite for a week. We were at that ***forsaken resort complex in Orlando that is miles away from any not-mouse-related businesses, without transportation. So my “be a good leader” advice is to bring your landlocked people some food, and step in and give them some time away from the table.

    1. Strive to Excel*

      I know *exactly* which complex you’re talking about. Whew was everything expensive there. The cheapest place around was the waffle house and even that was a 5-10 minute drive away.

    2. The Prettiest C.urse*

      This is also an event planner responsibility. Make sure that food is available to your exhibitors, because talking to people all day is a lot worse when you’re hungry!

  29. Elbe*

    Just to be clear here, the issue is with the LW’s employer. Conference organizers include a lot of different events that cover a lot of different times of day specifically so that everyone’s preferences and needs can be accommodated.

    It’s the LW’s employer (and employers like them) who thinks that one person should be required to do everything. This is a situation that should be handled in shifts, but the employer is just too cheap to send more people. If other people are having the same issue, the LW should try to push back as a group.

    1. JFC*

      My industry has two or three major conferences each year. Four or five people from my company attend (not always the same people, depending on the conference area of focus). The conferences send us their agendas ahead of time and we all review it together and coordinate who will attend which sessions. That means we get to attend sessions that interest us the most, the company benefits from more people gaining knowledge and no one feels obligated to go to every single thing.

      1. Elbe*

        Yes, this is how my previous companies have handled attending events, too. Events that my company has tabled also have shifts with multiple employees rotating in and out.

        It’s inconsiderate to work employees to the bone, but it’s also not a good look for the company if everyone at your table to look absolutely miserable and zombie-like and can barely hold their head up to network.

      2. UKDancer*

        Yes we do that. if 2 people are going we review the agenda, divide the topics according to interest and work out who will attend what.

        It’s never been expected that everyone on my company goes to everything.

  30. TiredIntrovert*

    Oh I remember my tabling days well! As you said, 7 or 8am start times for breakfast, then standing at a table until 4pm or 5pm, where no one generally walks by except for the 5-10 minute breaks between sessions (and the few old creepy guys who wander during sessions trying to pick up a vendor rep who has not yet heard of their reputation). But generally nothing productive came from tabling, it was all about the after-hours cocktails, then dinner, then the various afterparties at local establishments…that is where everything actually happened. For an introvert like me, it was terrible. Plus I cannot stay up until midnight (2am) drinking – by 10pm I am done on any regular day.

    Yeah it sucks. Sometimes you can split up the tabling hours with others so you are only covering a few hours during the day and then can make an appearance at the events you want to go to (or create your own event with clients you want to network with).

  31. Name (Required)*

    I spent entirely too many years as begrudging trade-show staff for a niche industry’s conferences because hiring actual event staff would’ve cut into the owners’ room-and-booze budget, and I could not agree more that those days are way. too. effing. long.

  32. A Genuine Scientician*

    I wonder about this for academic conferences — academia is often its own bizarre beast.

    I help organize a conference in my field. It’s typically ~5 days over a stretch in the summer. We’ve done a number of things to make it more accessible (reduced fees for people from developing countries and for students vs faculty; we provide childcare on site for those who sign up for it in time; we have non-gendered bathrooms as well as sex-specific ones, etc.). Meals are not part of our programming other than an optional banquet the last night, though there are affinity groups that often organize a networking lunch at some point during it (examples: first generation students; faculty at primarily undergrad institutions, LGBTQ+ individuals; people with disabilities; etc).

    The academic content typically starts around 8 or 9am, and the final thing for the evening will generally end sometime around 8pm or so, with a 1-1.5 hour lunch slot, a mid-morning and mid-afternoon 30 minute coffee break, and 1-1.5 hours off sometime in the 5-7pm range between the end of the day’s talks and the start of the poster session. Attendees are not expected to go to things at all times.

    A set up like this is, obviously, much more challenging for someone who has chronic fatigue syndrome, or any other condition where they have less energy than others. Personally, I don’t tend to any sort of going out for drinks networking at the end of the day, though I know people who do. Others will actually plan to skip one of the sessions of concurrent talks to talk with people in the hallways, or work on grant proposals, etc. There’s also just a general culture of overwork in academia — essentially no one who goes to these conferences is an hourly employee (they’re almost all faculty, PhD students, or postdocs doing research in an academic lab), and it’s openly acknowledged in the field that 50 hour weeks are more common than 40 hour ones.

    At the same time, I’m not sure if even the organizing committee would be able to realistically get most people to not be putting in 10-12 hour days during the conference. Even if all our programming were kept within, say, an 8-5 or 9-6 or whatever time block*, a lot of people are going to just increase their personal networking outside of that, so those with more limited time/energy would still face a disadvantage. And either we’d have more concurrent sessions (reducing the number who see your presentation, particularly if you’re not yourself or from a well known research group), or have to stretch into another day (making it more expensive, and logistically harder for those with caregiving duties).

    But it’s something to think about.

    * which would make lunch challenging as a few thousand people in a convention center in a city they don’t live are going to need to get food, and the restaurants nearby will almost always be less expensive than convention center catering

    1. Prof Ma'am*

      It’s nice to hear an organizer have these thoughts. I think the reality is that most attendees don’t put in the full time on any given conference day. Of course those making the choice might opt to do other work in their hotel room or socialize/network or even go play tourist, where those limited by chronic illness or other factors get the choice made for them. But at the end of the day, no one will question why you didn’t go to a cocktail hour or missed a session. So I think as long as there are lots of opportunities (sessions, networking events, social events, etc) that folks can pick and choose from, that’s a way to build in flexibility for all your attendees.

    2. A Genuine Biostatistician*

      Is this JSM? Because JSM is just so intense, and the level of programming is just more than anyone could attend. I know a lot of people who opt to just catch up with old friends instead of going to many sessions, and I always wonder if that’s the real value in big conferences.

      (P.S. like your name LOL)

      1. A Genuine Scientician*

        Not JSM, but I suspect a lot of academic societies have pretty common conference schedules.

        The only people I can think of who are at my conference out of some sort of obligation to their job instead of it being something that is good for them personally to go to are a) the people selling books from university press imprints, and b) the representatives of some of the big grant agencies. That makes it feel a bit different than industry conferences, I think.

  33. A Book about Metals*

    These are long days, but not atypical for some conferences. But it also sounds like you’ve been successfully skipping some of the events with no issues… so keep doing that I guess?

  34. Globe Trotter*

    I echo your amen, in my case for internal team meetings. We are a globally dispersed team so when we gather, at least half of us have travelled across many time zones to get there. We usually have a packed agenda over three days, plus breakfasts and lunches provided in the meeting room.

    And while it used to be that we’d have one night with a team outing/activity to experience whatever city we were in (sometimes very physically challenging, at a minimum requiring a ton of walking), and then a group dinner, now, for some reason, activities and dinners are planned for EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, starting even before the meeting does, on the day when everyone has just flown in. Plus, folks on our team often like to go out for drinks after the group dinner and sometimes stay out late.

    I am an extrovert by nature, but I end up completely shattered by the end of these meetings and just want to sit very still in a dark room and never talk to another person ever again. I’ve asked our managers to leave some nights free on the agenda, but to no avail so far.

    1. Having a Scrummy Week*

      I had pretty much exactly the experience you described. I am an introvert, as are many of my colleagues, and it was my version of hell. I need a lot of rest and alone time to function in society.

  35. Jenna Webster*

    I’m glad that our national conference for my profession is packed and runs so long, but equally glad that my organization understands that no one goes to everything!!! I try to keep my days at conference to a reasonable length or build in a break in the middle because I would break down otherwise.

  36. RedinSC*

    I work in local government. In order to attend something like this you have to also submit the agenda and if there is a provided breakfast, lunch and dinner, you do not qualify for any meal reimbursement. So you’re expected to be there all day from Breakfast through Dinner.

    And our Auditors review the agenda, if you request meal reimbursement, it will be denied.

  37. Bombbombbomb*

    When I first ran a conference, I just assumed that exhibitors who bought booth space would want that space open and available for as much as humanly possibly. But I understand now that’s not always the case! Don’t be afraid to send feedback back to the organizers to let them know what you’d really like to see happen.

  38. Over Analyst*

    The one conference I went to as a professional, the last day’s lunch was something I could not eat. I generally eat everything except very specific uncommon things so I hadn’t put any dietary restrictions, so they would not give me a different lunch option. I had to go buy food myself offsite (missing the rest of the day), and even though I have a company card, since the meals were included I couldn’t expense my lunch.
    I think companies and conference organizers just need to work better at making things optional. If I get a break in the middle of the day I will be thrown off and probably lose my momentum, so I wouldn’t like those generally. I do need 9 hours of sleep each night due to medical issues and also generally do better if I can manage a morning workout, so having options for shorter days without being penalized would still be ideal for me (and that includes letting me expense my own food if breakfast is only 10 hours after dinner, job!)

  39. Nancy*

    LW, your issue is with your employer if they expect you to go to everything, because conference organizers do not. Having one person table the entire time makes no sense because not only will many people find it tiring, the person will miss out on anything going on during that time. Your employer really should have people tabling in shifts.

    I work in academia and no one is expected to go to the every conference event. We obviously are expected to go to any sessions where we are presenting, and we are strongly encouraged to go to our coworkers’ presentations. Occasionally, my manager may tell me to attend a specific presentation to get to know that professional’s work. Other than that, it’s pretty much ‘do whatever you want.’

  40. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    OP you say that you have to staff the table starting at 8-4. I haven’t been to many conferences before but this sounds more like a vender type thing. Where they are there to get people interested in their product/try to reqruit, etc.
    If you are supposed t be at your table the entire time how are you supposed to take advantage of the conference for yourself? Are you by yourself or are there other coworkers. If you are by yourself is there a way for 2 people to go, and you can flip flop hours?

  41. MapleMobile*

    I am in academia and ‘go’ to conferences. I generally find them annoying and out of touch with reality…and so I try to use them as a means to go to a city I would never usually go to, explore the city, attend some talks are relevant to my work (there are very few typically), and do things that I can’t when I am at home in the day to day running of life. One specific example is use cannabis (it is legal where we have conferences). My partner doesn’t like it, and in my usual work schedule I need to be on, and sharp all the time. When I am at a conference I can take a brain break, smoke some weed and chill a bit! The last conference I went to, on the last day my department head commented on how nice it was to see me soooo relaxed outside of the university environment. I was like, ‘totally, conferences just totally chill me out dude…’

  42. Strive to Excel*

    On top of the conference schedule, a lot of employers then expect employees they send to spend time with each other – “build relationships” – in what free time you have! Last company I was at after the sessions ended you were seen as a very cold fish if you didn’t go out to dinner/drinks with coworkers. This was after 9-10 hours of conference time!

    Bless my current company for having a general attitude of “that’s nonsense” and not requiring that everyone attend every single thing OR require that employees get together on their own time afterwards.

  43. Bike Walk Barb*

    I don’t know if this is in everyone’s policy, but I’m in a public agency and if there’s a meal included in registration I’m not going to get reimbursed if I choose to go eat somewhere else to get a break. I understand why and I have the privilege of earning enough to make that decision occasionally, but not as a regular thing.

    At any given conference I’m “on” morning into night whether or not I’m involved in staffing a table or presenting. This design is normed around extroverts and people with a lot of energy and stamina. That was me in my younger years; now I’m really happy to sit out a session and go find some sunshine and fresh air.

    I know the break will help me learn more in the sessions I do attend. I’m very fortunate to work in an agency that emphasizes well-being and taking care of ourselves so I’m not going to have any negative consequences for doing so. I wish we were all so fortunate.

    1. jane's nemesis*

      I had to fight with our finance department once because the “included” breakfast at a conference ended up being a choice of granola bar or sugar-free yogurt (which I can’t eat) and coffee. I absolutely could not sustain myself on that until lunch and had to sneak away and go buy myself a breakfast sandwich at a kiosk. When I tried to submit the receipt for reimbursement (and I was very poorly paid at that point in my life), they tried to say I couldn’t get reimbursed because of the included breakfast.

      I ended up sending them a picture of the “breakfast” setup at the conference and they reimbursed my receipt lol.

  44. Unkempt Flatware*

    What I really want to know is how all the people at the conferences I attend can not only manage to do this full-day-all-week conference shuffle but also find time to cheat on their spouses each night. Anyone else’s industry like this? Gag.

  45. mreasy*

    Having organized conferences: people will complain if you don’t pack the day from top to bottom – especially with the costs of travel, companies really want to feel like they’re getting their money’s worth. That said, as an attendee I have to take at least a few breaks during the day. It’s unreasonable for employers to expect otherwise.

  47. HonorBox*

    To your question about how to justify it, don’t overthink it. I’ve been in these situations both with my boss in attendance and as the boss in attendance with staff. Unless it is part of a conference where your attendance would be conspicuous, I think just saying, “I’m really wiped out from the day and am going to put my feet up in my room.” If you’re missing an awards banquet or some sort of BIG DEAL session, others may just be jealous that you’ve thought of dipping out.

    Especially in your situation, OP, where you’re providing coverage throughout the day at a table (if I’m reading this right), you need to be able to get some time to rest to be at your best. You needn’t disclose anything medically that you don’t want to. You don’t need to do anything performative to make yourself look tired. Just “I’m pretty tired and need to rest up” should be fine.

    I think the schedule being as packed as it is really is a way to give people the most for their money in a shorter period of time. At most every conference I’ve attended, people are dragging by the end, but making the days shorter makes is costly for the conference and extends the financial outlay by requiring more overnight stays, etc.

  48. Sneaky Squirrel*

    My partner had a conference from 9am to 9pm and the last presenters started after 7:30pm. I can’t even imagine how disheartening it would have been to be the last presenter of the day and have everyone leaving before your presentation. No one wants to be there for 12 hours.

  49. jasmine*

    Preach.

    I’ve been lucky to work at an organization full of people who understand the need for downtime to truly make the most of the time you’re engaged (vs walking around the conference like a zombie).

    But there’s so many things I feel like I’m missing! I wish these conference schedules were more pared down. I’d love to do a morning yoga session or evening after party but it’s just too much. Not even getting into how there are too many cool sessions to attend all the ones I want to.

    It should also be more acceptable to grab meals in your room. I love my coworkers, but I wonder if even the extroverts want to see their coworkers that often.

  50. Pretty As A Princess*

    LW, if you really are unable to take a break all day during tabling, I’d raise that with your employer because scheduling to staff event commitments is on them.

    But the other stuff – optional workout stuff, cocktail hours? That’s all optional. It’s because past attendees have asked for the opportunity for getting together with others who want a morning workout. And a vendor offered to sponsor the cocktail hour, etc. None of those things are ever mandatory – conference organizers are trying to provide a lot of opportunities because attendees and sponsors ask for lots of opportunities. They absolutely don’t expect everyone to go to every thing. They are just giving people different kinds of options because different groups of attendees prefer different types of events. (And the morning workouts? Probably on the schedule because many prior attendees offered conference feedback like “I would love if there were networking opportunities that didn’t revolve around a cocktail hour; what about people who would rather get together and go for a run in the morning?”) One cool thing I’ve seen at several conferences is a large “quiet” room where no phone calls or convos are allowed, where folks can duck in and have some quiet and recharge.

  51. Long time lurker*

    I volunteer for an organization that holds events and we’ve found that shortening them is better for everyone — it also gets better speakers and key attendees, who don’t have the time, and it costs a lot less for everyone.

  52. Excel Gardener*

    I’m having a hard time seeing how a packed schedule is ableist. In my mind, having a wide variety of activities and events at different times of the day accommodates the most people. If anyone is ableist it’s the inconsiderate employers who pressure employees to do literally everything.

  53. Hungry*

    The last conference I went to only went from about 8 am – 4 pm, but they didn’t build in a lunch! There was a massive breakfast buffet from 8-10, but there was basically no other break until it was over. Then they had mini bags of chips in the room where you could turn in your evaluation.

  54. ragazza*

    My favorite was when these were on a weekend and then you were expected to be in the office at the usual time on Monday.

  55. shrambo*

    My understanding and experience is that conference attendees aren’t expected to have to participate in every single official event. Your industry may differ, but walking around at conferences, I usually see a fair number of people working in lounge areas on their laptops, chatting at coffee stands, or just ditching the venue to go grab lunch elsewhere with colleagues and clients. Networking and relationship-building take many forms, and people have usually been understanding of the need to take a break and recharge.

  56. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    This is why I avoid conferences like the plague. Even when I was young it was simply too much. I got sent to an industry one pretty regularly and i was expected to go to panel sessions all day, the exhibit between and after and then either industry events at the conference or out to dinner with vendors. A typical day started at 7 am and went until 11 pm. People would fight to go and I would always volunteer my spot so someone else could get a chance.

    Now I work in an industry where we rarely get to go and if we do hotel room sharing is expected. Hells to the naw.

  57. Damned if We Do and Damned if We Don’t*

    I have never posted on AAM before, but as a professional conference planner of 25+ years this letter made my blood boil. The comment that long days at conferences are “ableist” is absurd and disrespectful to the incredibly hard job of being an event planner. We deal with many, many stakeholders who all have competing interests and are constantly juggling everyone’s impossible-to-meet demands. (I wish I could share some of the petty, ridiculous survey responses we’ve gotten – my staff pours their heart and souls into their jobs and all we ever hear is bitching about coffee).

    Are 3 hour movies ableist because some people can’t sit that long? If you can’t sit through a 3 hour movie then DONT GO. If you can’t do a 12 hour day at a conference then DONT! That doesn’t make it ok to unilaterally decide that what is right for YOU should be imposed on everyone else. Some people like the morning jogs, others don’t. Some people love the happy hours, others don’t. For every person that wants an 3 hour break in the middle of the day, there is another person who will be frustrated by that because they feel like their time is being wasted. And that’s ok. Life is a rich tapestry. You do you. But event planners have to appeal to as wide a range as possible. I’m not your mom – I can’t tailor your day to your exact needs because then I’d have to be mom to the other 2,500 people at the conference with different exacting needs. So we do the best that we can with that impossible task.

    And by the way…you think your day as an attendee is long at a conference? I’m laughing my head off at that – my staff and I are down at that ballroom before the sun is even up and are usually eating crappy leftover box lunches in some dank back office for dinner at 11pm. And we know that’s part of the deal going in, and I’ve been doing it so long that I know how to compensate by being militant about taking time off after an event. But my younger staff would read this ridiculous comment and be totally demoralized. Think before you insult and demean an entire profession please.

    1. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Wow, you’re really taking this personally. They made good points, this isn’t ingratitude. And definitely not an insult.

      1. Boof*

        When people get accused of being a bigot it can be hard to not take it personally :/ That might not have been LWs intent but when you start throwing those terms around, that tends to be what gets focused on.

    2. allathian*

      If the suit fits, wear it.

      That said, I’d put the blame on the LW’s employer for expecting them to attend all day for several days rather than the conference organizers.

      My annual professional conference’s coming up in a few weeks, and I’m looking forward to it. It’s held in a different location every year and this year I don’t have to travel.

      It always starts with registration followed by lunch at noon to accommodate same-day travelers. Sessions continue until 6 pm, although there’s a 30-minute coffee break at 3 pm. Dinner is at 7 pm, and attendees can do what they want during the free hour. I usually rest in my hotel room when I’m traveling, the dinner and breaks provide ample opportunies for socializing and networking.

      The second day starts at 8.30, there’s a coffee break at 10, lunch at 12 and the conference ends at 3.

      My field skews introverted, and even so I’m exhausted by the time I’m back at home. Luckily these conferences are always held on a Thursday and Friday, and I make sure to schedule a free weekend with as much alone time as possible. If I didn’t, I’d have to call in sick on the Monday.

  58. M2*

    You pick and choose what you attend.

    I have attended many conferences and never attended the entire 12 hours.

    If have to set up a table split the time out colleagues or only do a certain 3-4 hour window period max.

    Also, check policies. We had someone order room service and finance challenged them in the charge as meals were paid for at the conference. They were allowed to eat out if they didn’t want to eat at the conference but no room service unless you’re sick. I have a corporate card too and work late hours and only ever ordered room service when I was given $50 credit a day because of my status at the hotel so the one room service meal was free. Many departments won’t care once but if you’re ordering room service every day for a multi day conference it might be an issue. Read up on your policies.

    And people you don’t need to attend conferences all day!!

  59. ThatOtherClare*

    I acknowledge this comment won’t be useful for the letter writer, but for those who are reading this in future looking for advice I have two tips:

    1) If you are presenting, ‘I’m practising/getting ready/ironing my shirt for my presentation’ is always a valid excuse to disappear for a bit. In my field it’s not uncommon to see people perched around the venue with laptops out gazing blankly at slides, and I don’t think they’re all mentally practising their talks.

    2) If, when you sign up, you tell the conference organisers things like ‘My medication wears off around 5pm, if at all possible I’d prefer to do my talk earlier in the day’, they will do what they can to accommodate that. The sooner you tell them, the easier it is to put your session/s at a good time for you. The session times are pretty arbitrary in most fields, (and if that’s not your field you’ll already know). If you don’t know, you’re good, so please feel comfortable to ask. The sooner you flag your needs, the easier it is to arrange session times around that.

  60. outwit outlast*

    Weighing in from the conference planning side! Attendance at any kind of conference is some form of bell curve. There will always be a subset of people who seem to never sleep and want to maximize their conference time to be occupied every moment. There are also always a subset of people who will only do the bare minimum they can get away with and go MIA most of the time. Most people are somewhere in the middle.

    No matter how long or short the conference, there will always be complaints that it should be longer or shorter. So on the planning side, we try to balance those needs; having enough official session time for people to get their work done, and adding enough optional events for the folks who want them. We don’t expect people to go to everything; different people have different priorities for attending and we expect them to plan their own schedule accordingly.

    A bulk of this problem isn’t really about the conference, it’s about your boss and your job’s expectations. It’s not reasonable to expect someone to sit at a table for like nine straight hours and then do all the extra stuff. On our side, even though the info desk has to be staffed from morning til evening, we have enough people on staff to stagger shifts, get breaks, and rotate to other tasks throughout the day. If you aren’t able to take breaks and eat meals then that’s absolutely an issue to bring up to your employer and add more people to the team.

    Definitely don’t feel pressure to attend all the optional events. The conference planners don’t expect you to! If your boss does, it sucks that he’s on one far end of that bell curve; if you can’t reason with him, maybe it’s time for a change.

  61. Samwise*

    Loooong jampacked conferences:

    The problem is not the conference. The problem is the employer expecting their employees to attend an unreasonable number and length of events.

    Back when our higher ed dept had money to send more of us to conferences, those who were attending sit down together with the conference schedule and decide who’d attend what. No one was expected to attend non stop. When we returned to work after the conference, we’d do brief informal presentations on what we’d learned, shared new resources, that sort of thing.

  62. Ra*

    I went to a three day conference last year and tried to attend as many events as possible. By the evening of the second day I felt horribly exhausted and unwell to the point I thought I had covid (I did tests- all negative). I managed to attend some of the morning events of day three (masked just in case), but when I got on a train to go home I cried because I was so worn out and still had a six hour journey home. I had to take the rest of the week off from work I was so unwell. It was my first proper professional conference post qualifying in 2020 and I was trying to make a good impression. I learnt my lesson to prioritize the relevant conference events and protect my health for future conferences.

  63. adam807*

    As a (small) conference planner those long days are SO hard on the staff, too, at least if you’re a small team who can’t swap out shifts. And even more so if you’re on your home turf and also have a commute. I’ve fought over the years for shorter days (breakfast at 9, MAYBE 8 if everyone is in the same hotel; programming ends at 5; evening stuff that’s truly optional) but then you’re struggling to fit all the programming people expect for the price into those 7 hours. I’ll take that trade off because I know I also won’t function well if I don’t get some sleep!

    A very packed conference I typically attend has outgrown their venue so they have a room where they stream all the sessions, which also has tables set up for breakfast. I’ve started spending most of my time in there. I can do work on my laptop (or look at instagram or read AAM) and listen to the sessions, but still get the benefit of networking during breaks (and with other folks at my table who are doing the same thing I am). It’s so much nicer!

  64. LinesInTheSand*

    What I don’t see discussed here is the proximity of your hotel to the conference. I have found that even when I have a reasonable conference schedule in terms of length, if I can’t go back to my room during the day for an hour or so I’m much worse off. I need the quiet. It sounds like the conference is far enough from LW’s hotel that it’s not really feasible to go back and forth during the day, and that makes things really hard.

    LW, I echo everyone’s advice to pick and choose what you attend and not feel obligated to do all of everything, but also keep an eye on your hotel arrangements. If your conference isn’t in the hotel you’re staying at, assume you’ll need multi-hour breaks during the day in order to recharge, or scope out a coffee shop or library nearby if those will work. I have occasionally adopted a schedule where I go to all the sessions in the morning, take the afternoon in solitude to assimilate the morning’s events and plan next steps, and then go back for the evening networking sessions.

  65. Aglaia0531*

    Professional Conference Planner here. This seems to be a combo of employer expectations vs conference issues.

    Conferences are expensive, and planners have to straddle the line between overstuffing the agenda to justify the cost for attendees versus not having enough sessions and getting complaints from folks who expect more programming.

    What are people doing between 9am and 4pm. Is there no other programming happening? Is the expectation that you be present at your table from 8-4 from the conference or your employer? You do not need to be at your table if people are in sessions. Now, if there is a break scheduled, yes, you should be at your table. But you are not required to be stationed there all day long with no breaks. Even at my largest conferences, exhibitors walk away from their booths all the time :)

    We do not expect everyone to attend everything. We know that specific sessions will be more popular than others, but it’s a given that people will manage their time accordingly. In addition, even if we’re scanning people at the doors, the conference planners do that to know which sessions and tracks are the most popular and/or to ensure people get their CEUs credited correctly after the conference. But we’re not sending that information to your boss after the event to tattle on you :)

  66. Janelle*

    I had a team where we had to attend about half of sessions and submit a form with some notes, but that meant if interest/energy level/travel required it you could load up one day or spread it out.

  67. SleepyMtgPlanner*

    I am a professional conference manager and have been in this industry for almost 20 years. Let me tell you, we hate this just as much as you do. It’s the curse of never having enough time to pack in everything, so the stakeholders (who are the content planners) of many of these things just start earlier, end later, and expect that you will be fine with 15 hour days. It’s horrible. I just came back from my associations annual meeting where my workday started daily at 6 am, and ended at 10-11 pm. And it was BRUTAL. While it’s hard enough for attendees, those expected to work the conference have it even worse because there is an expectation you will be there before the attendees arrive and after they leave. I wish this would change, but since having time with folks face to face is always somewhat limited, I don’t think anything will. My rant is over.

  68. DJ*

    Decades ago I had an employer who wanted us to attend a multi day training session over 3 very long days. It was also upsetting content but no debriefing or other measures to mitigate this. We’d also just get standard pay not overtime (as time off in lieu).
    At the time I was struggling with health issues and felt I just wouldn’t be able to it and even though if I could it would make me sick. So I refused citing this as a reason. I got told I had an attitude problem but I stuck to my guns.
    After hours conference events should be optional. Usually enough attend either the drinks or dinner to get the numbers anyhow!

  69. Happy all the time now*

    Wow. Reading through the comments, posters seem really hung up on critiquing OP inclusion of the optional workout session — skipping the fact that even ignoring this session, it’s a punishing schedule.

    In my experience attending these events, attendance at meals was required as the company would not pay for your expensed meal if one was provided. All sessions were deemed required. Plus you were often still expected to cover your work back home, attending to critical phone calls and emails during breaks and after dinner.

    And every conference that I regularly attended conference organizers would share that feedback always included the request for longer breaks for “networking”. People are exhausted! Thankfully, I’m in the process of downshifting my career as I near retirement so these events are no longer part of my life—and I don’t miss it!

  70. KB*

    It’s not the conference schedule that’s unreasonable, it’s your employer’s expectation. No one is expected to attend everything.

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