my employee’s toddler screams in the background of work calls

by Alison Green on October 9, 2024

A reader writes:

I am a first-time manager of a virtual team, and one of my direct reports works from home 100% of the time. On a recent call, this employee was providing an overview of a new system and in the background, everyone on the project team could hear his three-year-old child screaming. It was distracting and I provided coaching during our next check-in call, sharing that I was not sure if he was aware that others could hear his child. He said that this his child was fussy that morning but in another room. He had hoped that no one heard.

Two weeks later, I was on a call where he is presenting a report with other business partners, and this time I heard crying for a few minutes. I couldn’t focus. I asked him to stay on the line at the end of the call, and I shared that it was distracting and I could not follow what he was saying because of the noise. I asked if he was using a speaker or headset. He advised he has a headset and the child was “across the house in another room.”

How should I handle this if/when it comes up again? Will I need to threaten to take away work-from-home privileges, which would mean that this employee must make child care arrangements? I don’t think he gets how bad it is or how it reflects poorly on him and me/my team.

I answer this question — and two others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

  • My colleague stole creative work and passed it off as his
  • Letting managers sign off on internal transfers
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{ 124 comments }

{ 124 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Clearance Issues*

    check the settings of your mic in the web-call. My headphones sometimes pick up all exterior sounds and people and it bothers people while i am in office.

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    1. T.N.H*

      Also the settings in Zoom or other software. On Zoom in particular, it can help to turn Original Sound for Musicians to Off.

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      1. many bells down*

        Yes! Zoom’s noise canceling is *aggressive*. Part of my job involves having music over Zoom and if the OS is off, you get maybe one note in 20 coming through.

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      2. Caramel & Cheddar*

        Yes, was going to suggest both of the headphones and the meeting software settings. I live beside an active construction site and take calls with the window open and without using headphones, and no one can ever hear hear the construction.

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      3. NotMeAnymore*

        Yep and both my husband and I have asked our coworkers to make sure our headsets and settings are taking care of the sounds of barking dogs and loud child.

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  2. Lightbourne Elite*

    Either something is going on with his settings or something is going on with the settings of whatever team meeting set up is being used. 99.9% of the time, these services are VERY good at removing background noise for most users unless whatever is happening is happening right next to the user.

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    1. StressedButOkay*

      Different from a child but my cat likes to sit next to my laptop and sing the song of her people at Volume – I don’t use headphones and, generally, Teams filters this out really well. The few times it’s been clearly heard is if she’s also doing the headbutt of love on the computer and the song of her people at the same time.

      So, yes, I agree something is up with the settings with the software / headphones especially if the child is on the other side of the house!

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    2. Edwina*

      That’s been my experience, too. I’ve asked if people can hear my dog barking right next to me or the very loud leaf blowers right outside my open window, and no one has ever had any idea that the noise was happening.

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      1. Cat Tree*

        Yep, the landscapers come to my complex the same day each week, and work right outside my window at the same time each time, which overlaps with a recurrent meeting I have each week. I’ve mentioned the landscaping but no one can hear out. However sometimes I can’t hear *them* over the noise.

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        1. Gatomon*

          I could’ve written this post! I always forget about this issue when winter hits too. I have some Loops so I put one in the other ear but it’s loud enough that I still feel like everyone else on the call should hear it.

          OP may need a new headset. Maybe the quality it provides is poor enough that the conference call software can’t sort out the background noise. Sometimes I have to turn mine off and on again if it has a poor connection.

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        2. Crankysaurus rex*

          In 2022 my small city had an airshow where the Blue Angels were set to perform over the weekend. Weekend show means practice runs Thursday and Friday. I happened to have important meetings where I was remotely presenting to key stakeholders that perfectly aligned with 2 of the practice runs…. I live only 1/2 miles from the airport. The jets were so low and so loud that my whole house vibrated badly enough that a poorly installed light fixture fell and broke. The people I was presenting to heard nothing….. same as you, I couldn’t hear them, but I listened to the meeting recording afterwards and was very impressed with the noise canceling. Oh, and for the next airshow I plan to request advance publication of practice run times so I can plan my meetings to avoid a repeat experience.

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      2. foofoo*

        I asked my team if they could hear my robo vacuum since it turns on right at 9 am and I’ll be on a call with it right next to my chair doing it’s robo vacuum stuff. They had no idea I even had one, they can’t hear it at all (and I’m using Google Meet + wireless earbuds that I use primarily for music).

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    3. Katie*

      My special needs kids like to squeal/yell. I have asked people if they can hear my kids and they usually can’t. I generally can’t hear the activities of my managers kids either.

      BUT my I can hear everything for my team in India. So I think it is probably the quality of the headset

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    4. Rainy*

      I agree. When I was WFH, occasionally the dog would lose his tiny mind when a package was delivered and no one could ever hear a thing even though he’s a dachshund, so an 80lb bark in a 14lb package. And in fact, at the very beginning of the pandemic my neighbor’s colicky baby would cry during zoom meetings and no one on the other end could hear (even when I was having trouble hearing them–there was a period at the very end of his colic phase when he was still really sad AND his lungs had gotten big enough to really project). I feel like zoom has gotten really good at canceling barking/meowing/babies crying/lawnmower noises over the last five years.

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    5. JJ*

      Same. One of our project leads is often on the morning calls with her two kids under 3 in the background and we don’t hear them at all. And sometimes FedEx/UPS/Amazon drives down the street in front of the house and my dog goes berserk and nobody hears her, or at least admits to it. It’s far more distracting to me than anyone else.

      Reply ↓
    6. Funko Pops Day*

      Yes, I have to wonder if this is a letter that wouldn’t be an issue today with improved tech. I had to take a meeting on a day my 4 year old was home sick, and my team reported that they didn’t hear anything in the background when he was in fact standing next to me saying “Mama? Mama are you done yet? Mama?” the whole time I was speaking.

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      1. Phony Genius*

        It could be that the technology available at the time of the original letter was not as good as it is today. (The original letter is from 2018.)

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        1. Jiminy Cricket*

          This is it right here. I’ve been working from home since 2018 and have used just about every remote meeting technology available. In 2018, background noise was a huge headache. (Mics seemed to pick up even background sounds I couldn’t hear.) Today, my neighbor could be running his leafblower inside my office (I exaggerate) and no mic will pick it up.

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        2. ScruffyInternHerder*

          I can state that meetings held over (some platform that wasn’t Zoom or Teams, but miiiight have been an iteration of Skype) video/audio prior to 2018 were really pretty lousy quality sound. We used to hold them between locations of our employer during that time frame, and it was painful to try to listen to them.

          Reply ↓
    7. mango chiffon*

      So many times people on calls will apologize for construction, lawnmower sounds, dog barking, you name it, and I hear nothing on my end. The tech is so much better now so hopefully the original post was just from before the major updates happened. Either that or they need to adjust settings.

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      1. Hazel*

        I would also gently push back on the notion that home offices need to be silent. Offices aren’t. We tolerate (sometimes with gritted teeth) all kinds of noise in offices. Meanwhile this summer my partners’ workmates commented they could hear cicadas outside our windows … like seriously? What do you want us to do about that? It’s basically crickets. Relax.

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        1. A Simple Narwhal*

          The only times I’ve ever been asked to mute my line or had someone complain they couldn’t hear me is when I’ve been in the office!

          When I’m at home no one has ever said anything about my dog barking, my toddler yelling (with my mom in a different room fwiw), a random jackhammer or lawnmower outside, or any other sound from my house. Offices are loud! It makes me nuts to (be forced to) commute into an office to hop on a zoom call only to be told they can’t hear me as well as they do when I wfh.

          Mini semi-unrelated rant at the end, but I agree, offices are not quiet, it’s silly to pretend a home office needs to be 1000% sound proof.

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    8. M2*

      +1 but I do think LW needs to have a conversation with their report that even though they WFH they must have separate child care (not the employee) during work hours. Make it clear and then wrote a follow-up email so it is in writing that this person agreed to have FT child care separate from them during work hours. Tell them they need to work from a quiet space and if they can’t do that then WFH privileges might be revoked, but you don’t want to get to that point.

      Also, even if the employee has child care at home that noise must be distracting for the employee as well. If they have child care inside the home I would advise whoever is taking care of the child to take them to a park, library, music class, whatever during certain working hours.

      I have been on calls with people home when kids are sick and sometimes noises happen and that is totally fine with sick kids, but having it occur multiple times and not knowing if this person actually has child care is a huge issue.

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    9. Daisy-dog*

      I’m not sure what I need to do then. Everyone can always hear my dog snoring in the corner of my office.

      Reply ↓
  3. Bookworm*

    Letter 3 about internal transfers – years ago, in my first job in my industry (that I’m still in), I wanted to move out of the very entry level job I had been in for three years and to another department. The other department wanted me, including the manager. I had to deal with many people in that department and they were all lovely. My manager at that time REFUSED to let me take the other position. Within two months I had left that job and moved to another city.

    Reply ↓
    1. Cordyceps*

      Agreed. Schemes like what the OP’s colleagues want really only do one thing: protect management from difficult conversations and having to actually lead.

      It’s stuff like this that makes internal advancement so incredibly difficult at so many organizations that claim they want to promote internally. A lot of people aren’t even going to bother, certainly not for the “average” company.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lyudie*

      Yup. Being blocked from taking transfers two or three times over the years wasn’t the only reason my husband left Big Tech Co., but it sure didn’t buy any goodwill with him.

      Reply ↓
    3. Susan*

      I had that happen to me early in my career, too. A manger blocked my transfer, purely because he was feuding with the new manager. It took 6 months to get resolved. At one point, someone said “it was nothing personal”, and I said that it was extremely personal, because it was impacting my life.

      OTOH, later in my career, I had someone poached out from under me, with no notice, no request, and no input from me. They relocated him to another country. I still smile when I think about this, because if anyone had asked, I would have said that he was not suitable for a promotion or running his own group. Which they found out too late. As it was, I painlessly got rid of a major headache.

      Reply ↓
  4. Tom R*

    As others have mentioned, it’s gotta either be a settings thing or the employee is lying about where the child is. In the early days of lockdown I had a coworker who was doing his work calls from a kitchen table that always featured a soundtrack of a 3 year old saying “Papa! Papa!” over and over again trying to get his attention. after a few weeks he took his calls from a room with a door and the problem was solved.

    Reply ↓
    1. A Simple Narwhal*

      I’ve had those issues, my parents watch my toddler in my house twice a week (he’s at daycare the other days) and he definitely has tried to come play with me on days I’m wfh. My parents have gotten much better about keeping him away while I’m on a call but it’s much easier to just take myself into a different room (with a closed door) ahead of time.

      Reply ↓
      1. Yadah*

        some friends of mine had to essentially trick their toddler – Mama would “go to work” as in, she’d say goodbye and walk away then Dad or the Grandparents would distract the toddler while she would go into another room in the house to work so he thought she wasn’t home haha

        Reply ↓
    2. Person from the Resume*

      My first instinct is he’s lying about where the kid is.

      So often people on call apologize for their dog or construction and we don’t hear a thing. A mic should be picking up noise from another room that well.

      But maybe 2018 technology was that much worse. But I was full time WFH by then.

      Reply ↓
  5. Reindeer Hut Hostess*

    “Will I need to threaten to take away work-from-home privileges, which would mean that this employee must make child care arrangements?”

    Does this mean the employee doesn’t already have child care? He is watching the child and working at the same time? That’s not acceptable for most employers.

    Reply ↓
    1. Rainy*

      It’s also not acceptable as childcare, especially if the kid is a toddler. If he’s focusing on work he’s not watching the toddler well enough and something terrible could happen. :/

      Reply ↓
      2. Flor*

        Yeah, I read it this way as well, which makes it rather troubling that he’s saying his kid is screaming “on the other side of the house” and he’s just … leaving them there?

        Reply ↓
    2. HonorBox*

      I read it that way. If it was simply that the child is in another area of the house with a care provider, then I’d suggest as others have that settings be changed to block out more noise.

      But that sentence makes me really concerned that he is “working” from home with a toddler for whom he’s providing care. Neither work nor childcare are possible in that situation.

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      1. lost academic*

        I don’t think we’re in a position to make assumptions along those lines and nothing the LW said suggests they are in a position to make them either.

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        1. Blue Pen*

          Agreed. For all we know, the kid happened to be home sick the days of those meetings, there was a recess at their pre-school, etc.

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          1. Kella*

            If the crying incidents happened during an unusual circumstance like when the kid was home sick or at recess for pre-school, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a huge problem if OP is the only childcare available during those times. This is ESPECIALLY the case if OP is continuing to work, on the other side of the house, while the kid is alone. Even if the problem is only occurring occasionally, it’s still a problem.

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        2. Ellis Bell*

          I’m confused by what you could mean because OP is absolutely in a position to insist/check that there is appropriate childcare in place.

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    3. Cordyceps*

      Was wondering about this too. Dealing with a current situation like this at my company which has a strict “no young children” WFH policy. We have a new employee that is very open about the fact that he is taking care of his infant daughter during the workday.

      On the one hand, as a parent myself, I get it, you just do what you have to do sometimes. I’m certainly not going to report this guy, I’d feel horrible for doing so.

      But, other people on the team are noticing it as well, this new employee has been with the company for months and still can’t perform the simplest of tasks, it’s creating a lot of extra work for the rest of us, and people are starting to resent this new employee. I feel bad for him because he clearly has permission from management to do this, but their total lack of transparency around this is a really bad look for our management team and breeding a lot of animosity and resentment.

      Reply ↓
      1. Ellis Bell*

        I think people are probably borrowing trouble by not saying something. Eventually the frustration is going to come a head, when they make a big mistake or endanger other people’s output. This is the kind of thing you can only be patient about for a short amount of time, so it’s probably more of a kindness to say something, and give the time for his managers to give him time to make arrangements. Suffering in silence will cause more of an emergency situation/lack of flexibility which means he’s going to be scrambling for childcare when the build up of problems are finally made clear to management. Possibly it is short term though, and that’s why it’s been approved?

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      3. Dido*

        I’d be super pissed if I was paying for daycare so I could focus on work and my coworker got a free pass to neglect his work and take care of his child

        Reply ↓
    4. lost academic*

      I feel like the LW jumped to some conclusions – this could have been me when I had a nanny, sometimes the kids are just a little too loud and certain people are naturally attuned to hearing it above other things, and some are more bothered by it too. It’s worth raising with the employee, but not to the tune of “you can’t work from home anymore because twice I heard your kid in 2 weeks” because that’s an overreaction.

      I agree with earlier comments that the employee should use a better headset or with different settings. IT can send him one. This isn’t a difficult thing to solve, as an employee and even easier as a manager.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bast*

        I also felt that LW was jumping to conclusions in assuming their employee was watching the children. While it isn’t wildly out of the question, it’s just as likely someone else — whether that be a spouse, nanny, grandma, whoever– is home, but that as it is still a home, people make noise. As I unfortunately was forced to learn during mandatory WFH during Covid, I could not keep everyone quiet nor completely escape the child noise anywhere in my house, despite the fact that my husband was at home not working during this time and doing his best to keep everyone quiet. And considering the time, it was even worse because there was no “just take them to X” to distract them since we were in shelter in place mode. My stress level was through the roof. I’d imagine so is this employee’s.

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        1. WantonSeedStitch*

          This is true! My husband watches our son two days a week at our house while I work, and I can absolutely hear them. He can’t keep him away from home all day.

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        2. Indigo64*

          We had a nanny this summer and sometimes people could hear my kids when they were running around outside! Fortunately people were understanding but there was really nothing I could do besides muting myself.

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        3. A Simple Narwhal*

          Yup my parents watch my toddler in our house two days a week but I can still hear him making noise, even through a closed door.

          Fortunately technology means that no one else hears him but I agree that someone hearing a child doesn’t mean that child has no other supervision.

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          1. Turquoisecow*

            Yep my husband works from home and his office is right next to the playroom where our kid spends most of her time when home. He has good enough audio equipment that I don’t think the people he’s talking to can hear her but he definitely can if she’s crying or screaming which happens with toddlers and preschoolers. And if I’m working upstairs while he is with her downstairs, I can hear her if she’s making a lot of noise. And we have a big house, it would be even more noticeable in a smaller house or an apartment.

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      2. Ellis Bell*

        Yeah, I think it’s very significant that OP spelled out a grand total of two occasions. If that really is the entire number of incidents I’d be inclined to say … so? I’m not saying let it go unchallenged, but acoustics can be a learning curve; kids can really project,l their voice, he might have terrible headphones or left the door open etc, etc and it’s all very solvable. The only thing suggesting a bigger problem, is the way OP expresses trepidation about addressing it: “it would mean that this employee must make child care arrangements”, as though OP either doesn’t know about their employee’s childcare arrangements, or OP knows they haven’t made any.

        Reply ↓
  6. Pita Chips*

    A good manager would be supporting an employee moving on to where they can grow and succeed. That’s someone an employee could have an early conversation with. “X approached me about a possible position and I’m thinking about it.”

    I hate hearing stories about, “my manager won’t let me transfer.” They’re way too common.

    Reply ↓
    1. Medium Sized Manager*

      I’ve been having this conversation with some of my folks who are frustrated by not getting promoted. They are good at their job, but not The Number One Candidate (usually closed to 4-5 of 8 applicants), so we have been talking about sharpening their skills in and out of our unit. I don’t want to lose them because I think they do well at their existing job, but I also understand the desire to get promoted. It just feels weird to be like, well, have you considered quitting your job and applying for others??

      Reply ↓
      1. Rainy*

        I don’t think that’s how you’d want to have that conversation. It’s not “have you considered quitting” it’s more like “Here’s how you can improve your candidacy for these roles: since they’re at a higher level, we’d need to see X and Y for you to be competitive with the average outside applicant. In your current role I think we could try assigning you X or Y for 6-8 months, or you could work with Jane on Z and see how you go. Would you like to do that? I also want to be frank with you that we only have a few of these roles open up every year and the competition can be stiff since we get a lot of applicants, so I think in your place I’d also be looking at other organizations if you want to move up. I will absolutely support you and would be happy to give you a reference if that’s the case. I don’t need an answer on any of this now, but we’ll want to revisit the shift in responsibility fairly soon if you are interested, since the Pirate Project will be entering phase 2 soon and I’m already thinking about how to allocate that work.”

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      2. My Useless Two Cents*

        For better or worse, if an company is serious about promoting internally, than an internal candidate shouldn’t be competing on a 1-1 basis with an external candidate. There are things about the internal candidate that should give them an ‘advantage’ (knowledge of how they work with others, what kind of work ethic they have, general idea of how & how quickly they can pick up a new task/learn) but they are often treated as complete unknowns like the external candidate. It is demoralizing to the internal candidate who has proven themselves to be a good worker. Why by loyal to an employer and work hard toward a promotion if that good will and loyalty won’t be reciprocated?

        A company that won’t promote a hard working intelligent employee of several years because a complete unknown has slightly more “experience” or “education” deserves what it gets. The loss of a good employee (to a better job) and a complete craps shoot that is hiring a new employee (who may or may not work out).

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  7. BL*

    I will be in this situation shortly. One of my employees plans to keep her baby home (delivers in January) while she works. We are a high risk department with errors causing federal fines. Our WFH policy says it has to be “free from distraction” but doesn’t mention child care specifically. I’ve explained to her that WFH can be revoked if performance suffers or there are distractions but she’s determined to try. We will see.

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    1. Cabbagepants*

      You should speak up now! Any reasonable person would agree that caring for an infant is a distraction! and it can take many months to secure childcare. please don’t “wait and see.”

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      1. BL*

        I have. HR has also made it clear that WFH can be rescinded for above noted issues. They also say we have to see how it plays out real time. While I don’t necessarily agree with them, I’m willing to give her a chance. My hope is that she will see it’s probably impossible to do both well and make her choice.

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        1. Ellis Bell*

          They are really tying your hands and setting her up to fail, when an ounce of prevention is worth buckets of cure. I think early signalling is your best bet “this isn’t working and since there’s no reason to think things will change, how long would it take you to source childcare?”

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          1. BL*

            As a manager, the only autonomy I have is to revoke it immediately or give her up to 30 days to fix the distraction after I document it. She would have 30 days. But realistically, in the Houston area, infant childcare is RIDICULOUSLY expensive. I believe she will likely allow herself to be terminated hoping she qualifies for unemployment (she won’t).

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        2. lost academic*

          I don’t love that ‘wait and see’ approach. Some people do somehow manage to make it work. I have seen it, as much as I have seen I could never have done so with the babies I had. But if it doesn’t and then she’s in hot water at work and in a position where she needs fulltime care for an infant like yesterday? That’s not easy nor is it cheap. Finding a way to help provide resources and not get to the end of the line and still have to wait for the implementation of a solution is better.

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        3. Cat Tree*

          She absolutely will find out very soon after the kid is born. But by then it will be hard to arrange infant childcare on short notice.

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    2. DrSalty*

      Uhhh I think you have solid ground that “free from distraction” means you can’t take care of an infant at the same time. Possibly the most distracting thing on the planet. You need to talk to her about this now so she can get child care arranged.

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      1. BL*

        We have flat out told her that and we’ve also been told by Legal that we have to see how it plays out. I had a really good conversation with her (having had two kids myself) about it and thought we were on the same page and now I’m finding out we’re not. Not much I can do if HR and Legal say we have to tell her the facts and let her try. The fact is, it will put a burden on me (not my team, I won’t shift it to them) to most likely really vet and fix errors and monitor calls, etc. But it won’t be long term.

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        1. honeygrim*

          Your legal department and HR are kind of failing you, here. I’m sorry about that. I hope your employee sees that she needs to handle this differently, for the good of her child as well as the good of her job.

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    3. 1-800-BrownCow*

      I find this concerning on many levels. I don’t know how anyone can think they won’t be distracted from their job if they are caring for a child, even an infant at home. But on the flip side, it’s unsafe for the infant if mom is distracted with work and not caring for the child. Mom could be focused on her work and completely miss something happening to her baby.

      For the record, “free from distraction” 100% includes child care, even if not mentioned specifically.

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    4. Bast*

      Is she going to be caring for the child during this time, or is someone else (spouse, grandma, etc) going to be there? That part isn’t clear. Just because she is WFH does not mean that no one else is there to offset the childcare duties during work hours, so I’d clarify that.

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      1. BL*

        She is going to take care of her child full time. She has no family in the state she lives in. She says childcare is too expensive. It’s a mess, not going to lie, on many levels. As a front line manager, I can only do so much to encourage her to make the right decision. Most likely she’ll lose her job.

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        1. Daisy-dog*

          This is just a cruel policy. I know you can’t do anything otherwise, but wow. A “wait-and-see” approach means that she won’t have an alternative because fulltime childcare is not something that can be set up last minute which means she’ll just be unemployed with no backup plan. And she’s being set up to believe that it will acceptable and making financial decisions as such.

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          1. BL*

            I don’t know that it’s cruel. We’ve all made it clear that her job is at stake. That we don’t believe she can do both. I have encouraged her to post for internal transfers that may be able to accommodate an alternative schedule. I’ve sent her links for our programs that provide support for child care costs. I’ve shared with her my own experiences with a newborn (I was single, she is married but her husband is a bit of a loser with helping her). She won’t apply for internal transfers that are a “step down”. She is setting herself up to lose her job perhaps. I don’t know. But I’m doing what I can with the little power I have.

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            1. Rainy*

              I could see trying to make it work while she’s waiting for either her kid to age past the newborn surcharge or for her name to come up on one of the waiting lists she’s on, but trying it out and hoping it works and also NOT putting her name on any lists for child care is a recipe for disaster!

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        2. Orv*

          Childcare is nearly unavailable in some places. Where I live the waiting list for a slot is three or four years. It’s a real problem.

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    5. M2*

      As a mom she can’t do both. Occasionally if the kid is sick/mostly sleeping and isn’t allowed in daycare, ok, sure, but not daily! You need to speak up now and clarify/change that policy. There is no way she can work FT and take care of a child at the same time and have a conversation with her NOW that when she comes back from parental leave she needs to have child care set up as a child will be a distraction from work. You should also send an email confirming this, so you have it in writing in case she comes back and does not have it. You don’t want her telling your boss you told her it was OK or OK to try especially since it takes months to get daycare spots.

      It isn’t fair to the company but most of all it isn’t fair to the child! It also isn’t fair to childless people who will pick up this employees slack. My sister who is childless by choice, left a job because two moms in her department slacked off and they all expected her to do extra work because she didn’t have kids! I am a mom and understand that is not acceptable.

      Don’t “we will see”, you need to be a good manager and be clear now so she has time to set up child care when she returns. It can take months to get proper care and there is no way she will be able to do good work and a full days work and take care of her child FT. How long is parental leave?

      I thought it would be fine too, then I had my first baby and realized, raising a child is a lot of work! I had friends tell me my life would change forever and I thought they were over exaggerating, they were not! I am happy with my life choices, but no way your employee can do both successfully.

      Reply ↓
      1. BL*

        You don’t understand – I cannot do that. I work for a fortune 500 company that has many, many rules and regulations in place about what I can and cannot say. My hands are literally tied.

        Reply ↓
      2. BL*

        And I AM a good manager. I have already had candid talks with her about it, despite HR warning me not to, and I’ve also made it clear that if WFH is rescinded, per our policy, it’s immediate. She is stubborn, she is pregnant, she may change her mind. She is already refusing to do certain tasks on the basis of her pregnancy and I have not shifted any of those to my team, but handled them myself. But please be realistic. People on this site constantly act like managers have so much power. I work for a very, very large company with their policies I have to follow.

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        1. Ellis Bell*

          This is wild. Is it possible she’s weighed it up and is okay with the risk of losing her job? As in “Childcare is expensive enough that I would need to give up work and stay home anyway; might as well try on the off chance I can keep my job before I just quit”?

          Reply ↓
          1. BL*

            Being very candid and at the risk of being flamed, I believe she thinks she can sue us if we terminate her for keeping her child home. I won’t generalize but describe her based on my knowledge of her. She has an inflated sense of her abilities. She doesn’t take feedback well. She lacks professional maturity. She was hired right before Covid when many of our policies were relaxed to accommodate employees. Now that some of those policies are being renewed, she is pushing back.

            Reply ↓
            1. M2*

              I didn’t mean to imply you are a bad manager. It sounds like your company needs to change or be clearer with their policies.

              This is why PIPs are so important and I understand as my company won’t allow us to put certain people on PIPs (those they feel might sue) even if they need to be on a PIP. So I have BEEN there, that is why I am actively looking for something else. It isn’t worth it and the people who threaten or do less really don’t care how it impacts their colleagues.

              Have you documented everything in the past? Document everything, have everything in an email or have someone with you when you talk with her to protect yourself and your company.

              Give her clear guidelines and deadlines and on reviews have it be honest and fair, don’t give her Meets Expectations if she doesn’t deserve it (my company pushed back on me when I put does not meet expectations before, but the person didn’t).

              I wish you well and I think you should not give her less work because of the threats of a lawsuit, but be VERY clear when she comes back (and quite frankly) before about timelines and what she needs to get done. Do it in emails, if you have virtual meetings send an email with brief info about the meeting and what was discussed/told.
              Your company might be worried now because she is pregnant, but once she is back, she isn’t protected as a parent. You still need to get your work done.

              Last year I covered for 2 of my team members who were both on leave for months. It was difficult, so good luck.

              Reply ↓
        2. Pescadero*

          Managers often have little power.

          Managers with no ability to effect change…ARE bad managers. It might not be their fault that they are a bad manager, and it may be through no decision of their own and nothing they can change… but they do not have the ability to be a good manager.

          Reply ↓
    6. Jam on Toast*

      Babies only follow one schedule. Their own. The reality is this employee can’t expect to work full-time and care for a baby full-time simultaneously. It’s simply not safe or sustainable.

      If I was managing a person in a high-risk department who was telling me they do not expect to have reliable childcare after their return from maternity leave, I would be escalating this issue immediately with both HR and the larger management team and asking them for explicit guidance on how to address this with the employee on a priority basis.

      I think you have a duty as their manager to tell the employee directly that their current plan does not appear to meet the company’s policy requiring a work space that is ”free from distraction” and direct them to develop an alternative plan for their child’s care during business hours. Otherwise, it just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, for both the over-extended employee and the company itself.

      Reply ↓
      1. BL*

        Sigh. Again. HR is aware. Legal is aware. Everyone up to our director in my area is aware. This is an employee who has made overtures about lawsuits and is currently protected class. I flat out told her that being a SAHP and full time worker isn’t protected class (going against HR’s directives that I not discuss it with her) and that she is risking her job. Please don’t assume I haven’t done my due diligence both on her behalf and the company’s.

        Reply ↓
        1. WellRed*

          As so often on this sight, we get to the actual problem: she’s already a problem. The new situation is bringing it all to a head. Please report back how this shakes out. Good luck!

          Reply ↓
    7. ferrina*

      She might be able to get away with it for a little while, but once the child is mobile, it’s not going to work. You simply can’t watch a toddler and do focused work at the same time. Not on any kind of reliable basis. One of the toughest ages is when they are mobile but still pre-verbal. For most kids that’s somewhere between 12months- 30 months. That’s generally considered the absolute hardest age in daycare environments (most teachers will happily go to the infant classroom or the preschool, but the toddlers require constant vigilance).

      Childcare is ridiculously expensive. It’s a serious problem. But the solution of ‘watch kid while working’ isn’t viable either.

      Reply ↓
      1. Productivity Pigeon*

        My 15-month old nephew just started preschool back in the end of August, and he is now on his second round of antibiotics for a double ear infection.

        I live in Sweden so parents are entitled to like 130 days a year to care for sick kids. There’s a ceiling to how much you get though, about $3600 a month.

        Both my brother and his wife work from home 4 days a week.

        It’s STILL been tough to be able to fit in caring for their kid while balancing both their jobs.

        My brother just started a new job about a month ago and he’s had to take off at least one week.

        Even when my nephew wasn’t sick, he had one day when he ate a potentially poisonous mushroom and had to be picked up from daycare. Phew!

        Even with that much flexibility it’s not a dance on roses.

        BUT it also depends a bit on how you live.
        It’s one thing if you live in a house with an office with a door on a different floor.

        A friend of mine had a baby during Covid and she lived with her boyfriend in a studio apartment with a bed alcove…
        Even the most angelic baby cries loudly and the boyfriend genuinely couldn’t work from home.

        BL, I hope things work out for your employee! I think you’re doing the right thing by giving her a chance to make it work.

        Every family is different, and I’m sure it’s possible to make this work. I hope it will work out.

        Reply ↓
    8. honeygrim*

      Several people have already stressed that you should talk about this with your employee ASAP, but I wanted to address your statement that the WFH policy doesn’t mention child care specifically. A policy doesn’t have to exhaustively state every possible interpretation or case before you can say that something is against that policy. “Free from distraction” should be sufficient for any reasonable person. As others have said, caregiving for an infant while working would be incredibly distracting. So unless your employee is a “rules lawyer” type who is always looking for loopholes, I don’t think you need to worry that the policy isn’t specific about child care.

      Reply ↓
      1. Ellis Bell*

        Apparently she is, and the legal department won’t hold her to the policy until she gives proof of poor performance.

        Reply ↓
    9. learnedthehardway*

      This isn’t a plan – it’s a pipe dream. It’s impossible to care for a baby (esp. as the baby gets to 1 year onwards, when they are mobile) and work at the same time. Your person really needs to have childcare.

      When I started my business, I had an infant and a 4 yr old. I could not have worked from home if I had not had my mother-in-law staying with us to do childcare. From the age of 2 – 4, I had daycare for my youngest so that I could work from home.

      Reply ↓
      1. BL*

        I did the job she has now, before I was promoted, and I could not do it with 7 and 11 year olds that were mostly self-sufficient. I have explained this to her as well. I know people are well meaning when they say I need to talk to her now. I have done so. Even beyond what I’m “permitted” to say. She understands the stakes and is willing to risk her job. I suspect she thinks she will qualify for unemployment but unfortunately, that’s very, very unlikely.

        Reply ↓
        1. Productivity Pigeon*

          I genuinely believe it’s always worth it to try something once.
          It might work, it might not.
          You’re both going into this with both eyes open and understanding the risks.

          I hope it works out.
          I imagine you’ll figure out pretty quickly if it’s impossible and then you can make adjustments.

          Reply ↓
        2. Pescadero*

          She will qualify for unemployment, no matter why/how she leaves, if your company chooses not to dispute it.

          Reply ↓
    10. Hyaline*

      There’s a huge difference between *having the child home with you* and *being the child’s caregiver*. An employee could have a nanny, the other parent might be primary caregiver, grandma or grandpa or auntie could be moving in…the policy itself is fine if someone is “free from distraction” while someone else cares for their child. But if she’s not planning on having separate childcare, that in and of itself is a distraction and you don’t need to beat around the bush about it.

      Reply ↓
    11. Generic Name*

      This is so insane to me. When my son was a newborn, literally 100% of my effort went to caring for him. I’m not exaggerating. I struggled to feed myself during the day, and I would listen to him scream inconsolably when I put him down for a minute or two to use the bathroom. Hopefully her baby is on the “low needs” end of the spectrum and not like my son who was on the “extremely high needs” end.

      Reply ↓
    12. Jan Levinson Gould*

      To BL – All I can add is a colleague who manages a group that works closely with mine had a similar situation with an employee who was already high drama and a low performer. She had threatened to sue for another issue in the past not related to her childcare situation. I also work for a large publicly traded company and surprisingly our employee handbook also doesn’t explicitly state childcare is required for employees who work from home. I wasn’t involved in the HR dealings when the situation came to a head, but the problem employee did wind up getting childcare.

      She transferred to another group much to my colleague’s relief where she has been floundering. Several times I have been asked by senior management to take her into my group and every time I say “hard pass”. People keep wondering why she hasn’t been fired as she is a consistent low performer. Maybe fear of a lawsuit for something or another is the reason. Quite frankly, it would have been better if she were fired for poor performance due to no childcare since she won’t go away.

      It’s a no-win situation for anyone.

      I am a fairly new mom and my husband and I patch worked childcare for the first 9 months between our parental leaves, family visits, PTO and my husband watching the little one while working since he was planning on quitting his job after bonus time to be a SAHD which he did. Nobody I work with knew about my patch work childcare situation since I stayed focused on my job and would use PTO if my husband were in a crunch period and needed me to cover. I would not have been ok with that arrangement if my husband weren’t planning on quitting. it didn’t feel right to me as a manager who did have to come down on someone for abusing Flex Time when her childcare collapsed and had to scramble for a few months while waiting for a daycare slot to open (different employee with a better track record). We were blessed with an easy infant so it worked, but it was an EXHAUSTING period and zero chance it would work now that she’s approaching toddlerhood.

      Reply ↓
  8. Pizza Rat*

    Not attributing Tilda after being asked to says to me that Mike knew exactly what he was doing. I understand Jackson is in a tough spot, but I wouldn’t want Mike working for me and I bet the creatives don’t want to deal with him either.

    Reply ↓
    1. sagewhiz*

      Agree! Mike knows exactly what he’s doing, because he’s trying to pass off his employer as a client. He needs to be kicked to the curb asap. (Speaking from similar experience)

      Reply ↓
  9. DrSalty*

    #1 just needs a better headset. Mine was like $60 and you can’t hear anything except my voice right next to the mic, including loud construction or screaming children.

    Reply ↓
    1. learnedthehardway*

      Agreeing – a headset with a good quality, noise-cancelling microphone should solve the problem, unless the child is right in the room with the employee.

      Reply ↓
  10. Ann O'Nemity*

    Kids at home can be distracting, even if there is someone caring for them! I’ve struggled with this too. There are times that my kids have outmaneuvered my mother-in-law and interrupted me while working in a different part of the house.

    Reply ↓
  11. cleoppa*

    I used to work at a company that had a policy that employees couldn’t transfer departments without their manager’s permission.

    It was the one complaint I had about an otherwise great company. I saw great employees who needed a change who their manager would not sign off on because they didn’t want to lose a great employee. The employee got burnt out and turned into a bad employee. I heard of some great employees who were fired after I left. I could only wonder if it was because of this policy that soured a great employee.

    Reply ↓
  12. Blue Pen*

    #2 is tricky, especially in creative fields. I knew someone who would do something in the realm of what Mike is doing; I wouldn’t go so far as to say they were stealing, but they would routinely pass off work as their own on their LinkedIn page or personal website that they had—at best—an extremely small part in. I wouldn’t care so much if they presented it in a way where they were part of the team who did this thing, but it doesn’t read that way at all.

    Outside of visuals, they would do this a lot with intentionally vague language—e.g., calling themselves a “curator” when they really just picked one of three photographs to include. IDK, I think this is pretty common (especially when it comes to resume-writing, so I don’t begrudge them that), but on top of everything else, it’s just pretty cringe-y.

    #3 — I work for a very large employer, and internal transfers are exceedingly common. In the time I’ve been here (almost a decade), I’ve transferred to other departments three times. In my case, it depended a little more on how close the departments were; if I were going to a completely different division that had no overlap with my current team, then I was treated more as an external applicant than an internal one. But if I were moving to a team that worked side-by-side with my current team and everyone knew one another, then it would get a little trickier. Still, nothing really insurmountable. I didn’t have to tell my current manager until I knew for sure that I was the chosen candidate, and then the two managers would have a call with one another to be good sports and discuss an exit plan for me. Our employer’s policy is that we give 3 weeks notice in the case of internal transfers, which I was fine with, but that was pretty much it.

    Reply ↓
  13. Strive to Excel*

    #1 – When I worked from home, it was a running joke that my mom would somehow always manage to start mowing the lawn the second I got on a client zoom call. My headphones rarely picked it up. But they regularly picked up the sounds of the cat walking past the window outside and yelling at the top of her fluffy lungs, despite the fact that the window was closed.

    Sometimes the frequencies they pick up are very odd.

    Reply ↓
  14. Pay no attention...*

    #2 So, I not feeling super generous with Mike at all this morning. This isn’t posting Tilda’s photo on a personal social media and not giving her credit — still bad, but that’s the level where you have a personal word with him offline.

    If I were Tilda, I’d send him a cease and desist letter and blast his business social media.

    I feel like the main business should also send Mike’s side business a formal cease and desist about this, “Mike was passing off work he had helped commission from other creatives at our company as his PR agency’s doing, with muddy wording that made it seem like our company was his client, which is absolutely not the case.” Mike sounds like he’s planning to depart anyway to start his own business so I’d hurry him out before he tries poaching any more from this company, or doing damage to the relationship with the creative team or clients.

    Reply ↓
  15. HonorBox*

    I don’t think Mike’s actions warrant a stern conversation. I think they warrant a firing. Jackson is in a tough spot to be sure, but Mike is passing off work that was done by coworkers for the employer as his own, and also suggesting that his employer is a client. This is not someone using a photo and not providing credit. This is someone who is not disclosing an outside job and using internal work to promote their external job.

    Reply ↓
    1. Daisy-dog*

      Yeah, it suggests poor judgment and possibly taking shortcuts in the work he’s doing there. It’s ultimately better to be down 1 person than to have a person who is questionable.

      Reply ↓
  16. Diomedea Exulans*

    The thing is that children cry and not everyone has a house so big that you can’t hear the child from any room you go into. Also, not everyone is willing or able to send a young child into nursery. If the child is crying for hours or throughout the meeting, during most meetings, it’s a problem. But a few minutes should be fine. People need to be a bit more open and forgiving – children aren’t objects that can be handled as we please and as long as employees are doing their job fine, it’s not anybody’s business how the employee manages childcare.

    Reply ↓
    1. Magpie*

      The problem is, in this situation the employee isn’t doing their job fine 100% of the time. Their presentations are being interrupted with distracting background noise that makes it difficult for meeting attendees to follow the presentation. This isn’t about children specifically either, it just happens to be the source of the distraction in this instance. It would also be reasonable for the manager to require their employee make a change if they were taking meetings in a noisy coffee shop or from their car while driving down the interstate.

      Reply ↓
    2. Elbe*

      The “children aren’t objects” logic doesn’t really hold up during situations where working from home is optional. If an employee doesn’t have a working space that is reliably quiet, they can just come into the office. The issue isn’t that kids make noise, it’s that the employee is choosing to work in an environment where he is being disrupted by a child.

      We generally take the LWs at their word, so if the LW thinks that the noise was disruptive enough to be an issue, then it’s fair to think that it was.

      Reply ↓
  17. learnedthehardway*

    WRT OP#3 – I think it is fine to require current managers to be notified at some point during the interviewing process or to put in a requirement that there has to be a sufficient notice period for the employee to be replaced. But for the most part, requiring an employee to get their manager’s support for their internal transfer isn’t a good idea. The axiom that people leave managers, not jobs, may be a trope, but it exists for a reason.

    I worked for one company that required managers to be notified before their team members could be interviewed by hiring managers for internal roles, and it worked well – but only because the culture was one that truly valued people, focused on promoting from within (at least 30% of the candidates I interviewed for their roles were internal), and would not let managers hold people up from progressing unless there was a bonafide reason (in which case the HR business partner for the functional area also had to confirm that there was a real reason why the employee could not transfer).

    For most companies, this is not going to be the case. A lot of managers are going to be reluctant to lose or replace good performers, and – beyond that – some managers are less than admirable human beings. For these reasons, I would stick to “managers must be informed at some specific point” rather than “managers must agree”.

    Reply ↓
  18. Oregonbird*

    Once or twice a moñth, a toddler whose parent is wfh can be heard in the background. So of course, all wfh must end!

    Businesses now use our homes as their workspaces, cutting the costs of doing business. In office, we’re put in open plan offices that echo to the point that callers can’t be heard, and both employees and customers have had to deal with that trendy decision for two generations and more. But a toddler behind two doors is a Big Problem.

    Given the worker’s response, it sounds as if the sounds are being actively contained, and the OP is simply distracted by the fact he can hear a child at all. This is a mental attitude that needs to change with the times. If we are bringing work into our homes, where it changes the way we interact with family and how we live, managers and corporations have to widen the keyhole pov that children cannot exist during business hours.

    Reply ↓
    1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      It’s a very different situation when wfh is a perk chosen by the employee vs something required by the employer.
      In this case, wfh sounds like a perk, because the OP can withdraw it.
      Allowing wfh is always with the proviso that the work quality is not reduced.

      Reply ↓
    2. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      A screaming child is far more distracting than ordinary office noise, because we are hardwired to find that upsetting

      Reply ↓
  19. DivergentStitches*

    My old employer had a policy where employees couldn’t get pay raises by moving internally. It was supposed to keep managers from poaching employees from other areas.

    Reply ↓
  20. Dandylions*

    The first one was a real missed opportunity to update the answer. Technology has drastically improved on this front! I literally had my daughter in the same room screaming at the top of her lungs (husband had a brain fart and brought her to the kitchen while I was on a call). I had even my accidentally left my headset at work and not a sole heard her on teams with the background noise cancellation set to high.

    Reply ↓
  21. Meep*

    Pick a meeting program that filters out background noises. I have a very opinionated dog and literally no one hears her but me when she decides to demand to go to the bathroom.

    Reply ↓
  22. MightyPipsqueak*

    I’m getting a 404 – this page doesn’t exist error. Does anyone have a correct link they can share?

    Reply ↓
  23. Cheesesteak in Paradise*

    What’s the basis for thinking the employee doesn’t in fact have child care? There could easily be a nanny or a partner with the child in another room.

    Reply ↓

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