{ 76 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading and give or request recs!

    Last night I finished a book by Rosie Danan called The Intimacy Experiment. It’s a romance novel with fun characters and what I found to be an enjoyable story line. It’s the third book I’ve read by this author and I’ve liked all 3, so I would recommend.

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    1. Dark Macadamia*

      I read The Husbands (suggested here awhile ago) and loved it. The combo of humor and sci fi was so perfect, it kinda felt like if the reboot sequence in The Good Place were a romcom. It’s the fastest I’ve finished a book in months because I got really invested

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    2. Blythe*

      I am looking for recommendations! I usually read psychological thrillers, but I also love soothing “slice of life” stories— think Shirley Jackson’s Life Among Savages, Peter Mayle’s A Year in Provence, and Anne of Green Gables. I have a list of thrillers to read, but I am at a loss for these more soothing options. Ideas?

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      1. word nerd*

        Any of the James Herriot books!
        My Family and Other Animals by the British Gerald Durrell, describing his time on the Greek island of Corfu as a child (quite funny too)
        My Father’s Glory and My Mother’s Castle by Marcel Pagnol, about his childhood in southern France

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      3. RLC*

        Hopwood DePree’s “Downton Shabby”. Hollywood producer moves to England to restore his family’s ancestral castle. Most entertaining and the humor is the wholesome sort.

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    3. Wow*

      I’m reading “March” by Geraldine Brooks. It’s from the point of view of the father in Little Women, and won the Pulitzer Prize some years ago. I haven’t finished it yet, but it is absolutely fantastic.

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    4. Wow*

      I also just finished “Days at the Morisaki Bookshop.” It was just the type of book that should have been right up my alley, but I felt very “meh” about it. I know I am greatly in the minority about it.

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      1. word nerd*

        Nah, I don’t think you’re alone at all. I’m into Japan and bookstores, but I found this one sentimental and not very deep.

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    5. Mobie's Mom Now*

      Working through Canary Girls by Jennifer Chiaverini. Historical fiction, munitions girls during WW I in England. I like it, and I really enjoy this author. She has other historical fiction, and also a series of books about a quilt camp in PA, which maybe sounds boring, but I honestly loved!

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    6. Charlotte Lucas*

      Red Side Story by Jasper Fforde. I’m a little over halfway through. And I always love his books, so of course I’m enjoying it.

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    7. AcademiaNut*

      The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera, which is fantastic. Secondary world fantasy but a modern setting, drawing strongly on Buddhism and Sri Lankan history.

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    8. GoryDetails*

      Cicadas Sing of Summer Graves by Quinn Connor: I chose it for the evocative title and stunning cover-art, and overall I did enjoy it, but it was a bit disconnected. Horror/magical-realism kind of thing, but… random? One character had flowers growing out of her hair now and then, and while this turned into something helpful in the story it really seemed to come out of nowhere. The premise had to do with a small lakeside community dealing with concerns about the future, economy-wise, and the past (due to tales of the people who drowned when the previous village was flooded), and there was a lot going on, and yet… I dunno. Perhaps it’s just me, but when a book with “cicadas” in the title opens with the buzzing of *bees* and spends much more time on the bees and their keeper and the honey, etc., than any cicadas – it feels a bit weird. [I really want to post an Amazon review of “Was okay. Needs more cicadas.”]

      On audiobook, I’m listening to The Alchemy of Moonlight by David Ferraro, read by Will Watt (among my favorite narrators, and the main reason I chose the book). And the story’s… okay, with a romantic triangle in which our young protagonist (not yet 18) falls for a handsome doctor and for the not-always-kind nephew of his employer. Oh, and there are soooo many hints of things supernatural to come, though I’m more than halfway through and so far it’s all remained as hints. (And body-parts. The “meet cute” with the doctor involved our young hero having found a severed hand, wandered around wondering what to do with it, and eventually showed it to the charismatic doctor, who took it to the gendarmes, who said it must have been from a bear attack and promptly closed the case. Still, the scene where our hero gazes up in blushing awe at the handsome doctor – while holding a decomposing body part in his hand – amused me very much indeed.) Given the cover-art, I’m rather hoping they do wind up as a happy triad, but who knows? [One other irksomeness: the author does not seem to care about making the conversations period-genuine, so loads of anachronistic slang and turns-of-phrase pop up in the dialog. Oh, well.]

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    9. Pam Adams*

      My annual re-read of A Night in the Lonesome October, by Roger Zelazny. I always plan to do the chapter per day reading, but can never resist going all the way through.

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    10. goddessoftransitory*

      Just starting my Frankenstein reread; I think it’s my tenth time or so through it? I love finding new things in really familiar texts–this time I’m thinking about how Nature is portrayed in the novel. As an entity, as a force, as landscapes, as a barrier, as an enemy, as a personality type.

      Victor wants to penetrate Nature (with all that implies) and is punished in many different ways for trying to violate all its different guises. It’s bliss to my frustrated li’l essay writing heart.

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      1. Cynthia*

        Have you read FranKissStein, by Jeanette Winterson? I really enjoyed reading it as a follow up to Frankenstein – it’s a very odd book, but really works (in my opinion)!

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    11. Clara Bowe*

      I have been on a nonfiction kick lately and am currently reading one of the University of California food studies series, “The Untold History Of Ramen” by George Solt. It is a quick and dirty history that talks about the intersectional collision of imperialism, culture, and geopolitics that created ramen as a dish and a trend. I am liking it so far.

      As for a recommendation, I really encourage people to check out the University of California Press’s website. They have a ton of Open Access books that are free, legal ePub downloads. I’ve got a history of provincial trades and how they shaped commerce in Japan up to modern day queued up next! (Provincializing Empire by Jun Uchida.)

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    12. word nerd*

      I’m halfway through The Wave in the Mind by Ursula K. LeGuin, a collection of essays on reading and writing, after someone recommended it here recently. I’ve only read her scifi/fantasy before so it’s interesting to read her thoughts in nonfiction form and get to know her a bit. I’m especially enjoying her literary criticism so far and her poem(?) LOUD COWS, which works best when read aloud I think (fortunately I’m listening to it on audiobook).

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    13. Falling Diphthong*

      I am reading the Singing Hills series of novellas by Nghi Vo. Very engaging fantasy; central character is a cleric roaming the world to collect stories.
      The Empress of Salt and Fortune starts with ghosts and magic, and winds up in political intrigue.
      When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain nods to Sheharazade with the need to keep telling the story to stall the listener from killing you. It has a mammoth! I think the last time I read a story with a mammoth was a Magic Tree House book.
      Into the Riverlands is pure wuxia. I knew where this was going as soon as our hero sat down in a little frontier bar to order a drink, reflecting on how normal and mild mannered the other patrons seemed.

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    14. Golden*

      I’m reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and am having some mixed feelings! The book does call out that some things will work for some and not for all. I think I (or society) set the bar for it pretty high and it’s not quite living up.

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  2. Nameless*

    A friend & I are supposed to go see a movie, but we’ve been a little stymied by figuring out what we actually want to see. I’m leaning toward The Wild Robot but we’re also both very emotional moms & I don’t want it to make me cry. Suggestions? We’re in LA so whatever you’re thinking of, it’s probably playing somewhere near us.

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    1. Me 9908*

      The Wild Robot will make you cry. I’m a teacher and I read the book to my students each year and there’s a few places where the kids (and still me) tear up. But it’s a fantastic book and I want to see it!

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    2. Indolent Libertine*

      NOT Megalopolis! Colossal waste of time and money.

      Highly recommend The Critic starring Ian McKellen, however.

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  3. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing, and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I’ve been playing Stardew Valley again, and am enjoying getting back into it. I’ve got a new character and having fun with the quest lines that I can do more efficiently now that I’ve figured things out. I’m super close to having my greenhouse and the bus line!

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    1. Giz's Mom*

      I’m still playing Elder Scrolls (ESO), but I just started a necromancer character, which is new for me. I’m usually all about rogues – sneaking around, stabbing people in the back. (not sure what this says about me in real life, lol!) It’s a new play style, and I’m enjoying throwing exploding skulls around!

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    2. Jay*

      I’ve started a replay of Dragon Age: Inquisition before the release of the next volume. It’s holds up shockingly well for such an old game! The graphics are unreal for a more than 10 year old title.

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  4. Dainty Lady*

    I live adjacent to wildfire country. In the spirit of responsible preparation, I was thinking of getting a fireproof-waterproof safe to put important papers and my little bits of heirloom jewelry in. Does anyone have one, and has a recommendation? Would a gun safe work? (Not that I have one, just asking.)

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    1. Double A*

      We live in wildfire country and we keep that kind of stuff in a safe deposit box in case you haven’t considered that option. We keep photocopies of important documents but the originals in the box

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      1. Hazel*

        I don’t have one, but I would ask questions about the temps it can withstand. It may not be correct but I was told that some of the cheap ones are flameproof but get so hot you might end up with cinders.

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    2. I didn't say banana*

      I live in bushfire country (Australia) and we’re advised to keep important documents in a bag that we would take with us when we evacuate – if your house burns down, you’re going to need ID documents, insurance papers etc possibly before you can go back to the property to get them.

      Also, can I suggest scanning/photographing important documents and keeping them securely online?

      None of this helps with your heirloom jewellery, of course, unless you also want to keep it in your evacuation bag.

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  5. Free Meerkats*

    Why do people get so worked up over someone turning around in their driveway? Before she died, the woman next door would yell at them, and if she was working in the yard, spray them with a hose. My wife is starting to get the same way, though she just complains to me – I guess my response of, “So?” isn’t what she wants to hear.
    We’re the first two houses at the top of a dead end hill with no turn around at the bottom where you can’t see the Dead End sign until you turn. So they see the sign and turn around.
    I could kind of see it if you had a gravel drive that would require more raking from constant turnarounds, but we both have pavement.
    Thoughts?

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    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      If you ask your wife what the issue is, maybe when she’s not already cranked off about it, what does she say? I don’t love when people turn around in my driveway because my husband parks in it and our trash cans are in it and I don’t want to deal with the fallout if they’re not careful in their turning around and they hit anything, but that’s never actually happened, and I certainly wouldn’t yell at people about it or spray them with the hose, WTF. At most I might roll my eyes, and I probably wouldn’t even notice anyway.

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    2. Ginger Cat Lady*

      I’m going to guess it’s because they choose to live at the end of a dead end street for the quiet isolation, and lost people disturb that quiet isolation.
      Would it be possible to move the sign to make it more visible?

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    3. Chaordic One*

      Well, it is your (and her) personal space so I can kind of understand why it might bug her. But even so…

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    4. Laggy Lu*

      Haha! I am dumbfounded as to why people turn around in my driveway and it drives me nuts. We are on a hill where you can’t see traffic from one side, and there is also a fence on that side, our driveway is long and steep, and there is always cars on the street.
      And yet, people are constantly turning around in our driveway. I care less than it confuses me.
      But there is the occasional idiot that drives on our lawn that pisses me off.

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    5. GoryDetails*

      I admit to feeling irked if someone pulls into my driveway only to turn around, but I admit it doesn’t make a lot of sense – as long as they’re driving carefully, anyway: if someone pulls in fast without looking, they’re likely to hit someone.

      As someone whose hobbies include stops at random places (for Little Free Libraries and/or geocaches) I do find myself needing to turn around fairly often, but I attempt to minimize the time I spend on anyone else’s driveway. But some streets are so narrow that I can’t turn around without pulling into a driveway, and if the next intersection is a good bit away, I may use a handy driveway. I am always careful, and I don’t pull in any farther than I need to, and so far nobody’s come out to yell at me – though I have had a few nice chats with the people who owned the Little Free Libraries or geocaches and noticed me hovering in the area {wry grin}.

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    6. Snacattack*

      Hmm, I have no idea! It doesn’t bother me at all if someone turns around in my driveway…but then again I live on a fairly busy street, not a dead end. Don’t know if that’s what makes the difference, but it feels like it might…an expectation of privacy perhaps.

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    7. Kay*

      Something tells me that the same people upset that I use their driveway to turn around – I drive a lot, and I have to turn around often – would be the same people pissed off that I did a 20 point turn in the middle of the street to ensure I encroached upon not one driveway nor the personal space of any vehicle, trash can, scooter, plant, street art, etc. Granted – I have never pulled into anyone’s driveway more than necessary to turn around, but there are instances where you miss your turn and a driveway is literally your only option.

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    8. fallingleavesofnovember*

      It bugs me a bit because we are close to a dead end and it happens multiple times a day, including with big delivery trucks (that are never for us)…it just feels like a lot of traffic where you wouldn’t expect it. But I certainly don’t care enough to tell people off or get upset about it!

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  6. Squash Suggestions Please!*

    Now that fall is here and it is squash season, what are your recommendations and favorite recipes for cooking squash? And also, what are your favorite kinds of squash? I don’t dislike squash but find it kind of bland, although it certainly improves with butter and salt and pepper. I’m sure there must be other ways to prepare it that I’m overlooking. Suggestions please!

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    1. Charlotte Lucas*

      Sweet dumpling squash is amazing! Cut it in half, remove the seeds, rub the inside with olive oil, then bake it cut side down until caramelized and tender. Put a little butter to melt, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Each half is a serving.

      For the blander squashes, you can make curry, soup, stew, chili, etc.

      And I am a fan of spaghetti squash with marinara sauce.

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    2. HannahS*

      Ok my #1 love is kabocha a.k.a buttercup squash. Sweet, dense, smooth and not at all fibrous. I love it roasted or in soup, but I hear it’s good braised in dashi stock, in Japanese fall cooking. Downside, it is very hard to cut, upside the skin is edible.

      Delicata is lighter in flavour more like a really tasty summer squash. I like it roasted with butter as a side for fish.

      Butternut squash is yer standard, every grocery store carries it. It’s nice roasted, and I do a basic pureed soup (butter, onion, garlic, carrot, celery, squash, water, bay leaf, salt and pepper) but it’s excellent in stews and curries! I often make Smitten Kitchen’s Moroccan stew, or put some chunks in any chickpea-based curry. Or beef stew, too.

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      2. Jay*

        The buttercup is my favorite too!
        Cook it up right and it can taste like pumpkin cheesecake or even roast Italian chestnuts.
        I do the simplest prep in the world.
        Cut it in half, take out the goop, brush with olive oil, salt and pepper to taste, put in your roasting pan, cover the pan with foil, and bake at 350, cut side up, for between 45 and 9o minutes, depending on the size of the squash. For the last 15 to 30 minutes (again, depending on the size of the squash) remove the foil and it will brown and some of the liquid will evaporate. The longer you do this, the more nutty, the shorter you do this the more sweet and creamy.

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    3. AcademiaNut*

      Try Japanese nimono – cut up squash simmered in a soy, dashi and sake broth.

      Squash ravioli with brown butter and sage sauce. As a shortcut, use Chinese dumpling wrappers (the thicker round ones) to make the ravioli.

      Squash soup – sauteed onion, squash, chicken broth, sage and thyme, cooked until everything is soft and then pureed.

      I’ve also made a riff on shepherd’s pie with a base of cooked ground meat, onion, peas, corn, finely diced king oyster mushrooms and diced red peppers, with a topping of mashed squash beaten with some egg. It makes a great dish for packing lunch to work.

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    5. goddessoftransitory*

      I’m not a big squash fan in general, but I do like Three Sisters quesadillas: squash, black beans and corn!

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    7. My Brain is Exploding*

      I have a great recipe for mac and cheese that uses cooked butternut squash pureed with cottage cheese and some cheddar cheese. Delish.

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    8. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I’m planning to try out butternut squash and beef stew, which is new for me because I generally associate squash with vegetarian meals!

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    9. Elspeth McGillicuddy*

      Acorn squash bowls. Halve, scoop, bake until tender. Fill all or some of:
      -applesauce
      -sausage crumbles
      -raisins
      -brown sugar
      -cinnamon

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  7. GoryDetails*

    Oh, the cats are being gorgeous (again!). Or are they just playing king-of-the-castle over that portfolio-thing that one of them is lying on?

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  8. Laggy Lu*

    Hey Dog Owners,
    Any experience with Proin to control spay incontinence? Out of nowhere our girl has been having accidents in the evening. She doesn’t even know she’s leaked. We treated for a UTI, but the accidents persist. We are one day 3 of Proin and hoping it will work.
    Any insight is appreciated!

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    1. sswj*

      We used to use it until it got to be very hard to get, and the next dog didn’t have that issue. Seemed to work well though!

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    2. Anon for this sensitive topic*

      our male German Shepherd was on this just over a year ago. unfortunately he had all of the bad side effects, like increased vocalization, weakness, anxiety and other bad stuff I can’t remember.

      the reason he was on it in the first place is because he had hind leg weakness and had trouble walking. they prescribed it so that he would be able to hold his urine until we were able to use his strap to get him outside so he could urinate there. but it backfired because of the increased weakness meant that he was less able to use his hind legs like he had been previously, so we weren’t able to use the strap under his belly to get him out.

      we ended up having to have him put his sleep about a month later, even though he took him off to medication about 5 days after he started taking it, because he was unable to want with her sign likes even as well as he had been before he was put on the medication, although that wasn’t great.

      however, I will say that we had a cocker spaniel on some kind of estrogen medication over 20 years ago to help her stop leaking urine, and that worked very well without side effects, at least for our particular dog. I have absolutely no idea if that is the same drug as this one, or if it was something entirely different.

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    3. PineNut*

      If it doesn’t work for you, if she’s spayed, an anecdote – our dog developed urinary incontinence in the evenings/overnight shortly after we adopted her (as an estimated 3yo), started on estradiol and stopped having accidents within a couple of days – doing great now 7 years later, only one accident in recent years and it was due to UTI.

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    4. MissCoco*

      My childhood dog was on it for a few years before her death and it worked extremely well. She was having accidents when napping when we started her on it, and had none after.

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  9. Forget the Name I Used*

    I posted a bit ago and don’t know under what name (not my usual) about moving my MIL from her hometown to near us. I took her to a couple of doctor appointments last week. RANT NOW: WHY ON EARTH DOESN’T ANYONE HAVE EXAM TABLES THAT CAN RAISE AND LOWER? Imagine a short 90-year-old woman who can barely do ONE stair, who uses a cane or a walker, trying to step onto the step of the exam table (which has no grab bars to help her pull herself up), get the other foot up, turn herself around, and scoot herself back on the table. I don’t trust that docs or their assistants are trained in the correct ways to assist with mobility. This was an eye-opener to me and will warrant a letter to the board of the health system that operates this clinic. I’m actually looking for an article I found online and failed to bookmark about one woman’s experience with this and how she’d received several injuries from improper assistance.

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        1. Generic Name*

          Dumb question, but are you sure they don’t raise and lower? I ask because my son discovered while waiting for the doctor one time that the exam table had all sorts of controls, and in addition to one part reclining up and down, I swear he got the whole thing to raise and lower. Could you ask that the table be lowered to its lowest setting so she can get situated??

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    2. Knighthope*

      I’ve noticed that if I’m asked to roll from front/back or back/front on the narrow table, some medical personnel will stand close to the table as a “spotter” and others don’t.

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  10. Solar-powered generator*

    A friend told me that she was thinking of buying a solar-powered generator for her house. She said it uses a big battery stack that would keep working for 2 or 3 days, and then you could spread out a big solar blanket to recharge it. I had never heard of this and I am now very interested to learn about it.

    It would be such a relief to have a generator for power outages that last a few days, but I don’t have one because I don’t want to deal with a big propane tank, and my street doesn’t have a natural gas line. Fortunately my house is wired to connect with a generator.

    I googled “solar powered generators” and I see that they come in a wide variety of sizes and prices. I would need a model that can provide enough power for my basic needs (heat in the winter, hot water, lights, stove, fridge, wifi, etc). What do I need to know to make such an expensive purchase and hopefully not get ripped off? What kind of professional or skilled trade would I look for who could select the best product for my situation and install and service it? I hope some AAM readers know something about this!

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    1. Double A*

      It sounds like what you’re talking about is a backup battery for a solar system. We have solar panels and we have a backup battery (Tesla). You can set what percentage you want to keep in reserve for back up power, and mine actually monitors for things like wildfire threats and will charge itself up and keep everything in reserve for outages. Normally, solar runs my house, then if there is excess coming in it charges the battery, and then when the sun goes down it pulls from battery til it gets to my designated back up amount, then we pull from the grid. In summer months we’re 100% self-powered, in winter it’s more like 30%.

      We have two Tesla powerwalls and a full charge on both of them would last maybe a day of fully-powering our house. This isn’t something where you could comfortably keep your whole house warm; in a prolonged power outage, you’d need to be judicious with power usage.

      Any reputable solar company will be able to advise you on this. It wasn’t cheap, though.

      If it’s something that’s more like an actual generator, like you only charge and use it when you need back up energy, that’s not something I’m familiar with. Maybe there’s something like this that’s cheaper than full solar with battery back up but I’d think its ability to power your house would be kind of limited? That’s the main thing I’d look into — what kind of lasting power does it truly have.

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  11. Valancy Stirling*

    Procrastination thread! What are you hoping to get done this weekend?

    I need to send a specific email. It’s going to take me all of two minutes. I’m dreading it.

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  12. blogQuest*

    Suggestions for a blog that is good as background noise? Maybe cooking, home repair, animals (but nothing sad).

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  13. I didn't say banana*

    I’m after suggestions for thank you gifts for nurses. My daughter has been in the NICU for 16 weeks and I’d like to leave something to thank a large number of staff. A few weeks into our stay, I bought myself some lip balm, hand cream and cuticle oil as it is so dry in the ward (plus the constant hand washing). I figured it might be nice if I also bought about 15 of each, which I put in a gift box with some chocolates and left for the staff. No one said anything (but I saw the items being used over the next few weeks) so I’m not sure if that was an overstep? Or I didn’t get enough for everyone? I see lots of parents bringing in chocolates so I tried to get something a bit different but I’d love to hear what others think?

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