{ 180 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. notagirlengineer*

    I *really* do miss the family time at the holidays, but even after 15 years, I am SO GLAD we stopped traveling for winter holidays once we had kids! I wish my kids were more connected to their aunt, uncles, cousins, etc. The stress and uncertainty of traveling this time of year was just too hard. I’m really curious what things will look like 10 years from now when all the kids are adults.

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    1. MB*

      I feel you. We mostly had to let go of extended family time due to complicated, all absorbing dynamics of various in laws. It’s a loss. But recently started some other traditions like meeting for fall apple picking or a summer bowling/picnic. So I’m hopeful that these get togethers will foster some sort of relationship as they move into early adulthood. It takes 2 sides to tango, we’ll see if it continues. Sigh.

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    3. EA*

      I agree! We do more family visits in the summer, and I prefer it 1000%. I stopped traveling in December in 2020 and haven’t picked it up again. Holiday travel, especially with kids (and all the stuff you have to bring for them!) is the worst.

      One of my BFFs has always done Thanksgiving earlier in November or over Veteran’s Day weekend with her side of the family. Then everyone has the actual Thanksgiving Day to either visit other family or just chill and not travel. I think that’s an awesome approach!

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    4. Katie*

      As someone who rarely saw their extended family at holidays, it was fine. I had a big family though ( 5 siblings). We just made our own awesome traditions.

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    5. goddessoftransitory*

      I only get Thanksgiving Day off, and frankly it’s been a blessing more often than a curse. Knowing we can’t go anywhere (all our remaining family members are across the country) means that we can relax and cook the full whack without having to accommodate fifteen different dietary needs or sleep on an air mattress for three nights.

      I always call my sister who is in the middle of the entire meshuga and am reminded of why this is the best way.

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  2. Tradd*

    I am so glad that the friends I’m having dinner with tomorrow do NOT serve that crappy green bean casserole as well as the vile pistachio pudding. I grew up with both. Horrid. Just horrid. My mother was always horribly offended I refused to eat both after one bite. Ugh. Green beans are NOT a favorite anyway. I’m looking forward to homemade stuffing with plenty of homemade gravy tomorrow. And homemade cranberry-orange relish. Yum!

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      1. RussianInTexas*

        Partner’s ex-MIL makes the most horrible stuffing. With undercooked onions and OLIVES.
        Nothing wrong with olives per se. But not the sliced canned olives in STUFFING.

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    2. Paris Geller*

      I love green beans, but hate green bean casserole. Green beans with a little seasoning are delicious, I don’t see the need to smother them in cream and crispy onion bits!

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        1. Venus*

          My most favorite and least favorite thing in one dish! Lightly cooked green beans with a bit of oil and seasoning are almost perfection, where eating beans straight off the vine on a warm day is complete perfection.

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      2. Middle Aged Lady*

        It’s not my favorite, either—not horrible, but I don’t see why people love it. However, our friends who are coming tomorrow need a boost of cheer and fhey asked for it. So I will content myself with sneaking extra bits of the yummy fried onions that go on top while I al cooking.
        I am also happy that they aren’t fond of turkey, either. I prefer a roast chicken and that’s what we are having. I got one of those stands you set the chicken on upright a few years ago and it’s a game-changer. The bird cooks more evenly and more quickly.

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    3. Panicked*

      I am with you on the green bean casserole. It’s gross. But we will fight over the Watergate salad. It’s DELICIOUS.

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      1. RussianInTexas*

        The various Midwestern “salads” make me believe that Slavic people and Midwesterners have some kind of telepathic connection. In food.

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    4. FrogEngineer*

      Green Bean Casserole (or hotdish where I’m from) can be great or it can be terrible, depending on how you make it. I usually like it but can’t blame anyone who doesn’t.

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      1. Forrest Rhodes*

        I join you in the “likes GBC” category, FrogEngineer. For me, the recipe for green bean casserole is just a jumping-off place. At different times, I’ve added different kinds of chiles, sometimes various mushrooms with sauteed garlic and onions, whatever sounds interesting.
        I even like making it when it’s not Thanksgiving: add a goodly amount of shredded cooked chicken to the GBC, bake it, and it’s a whole meal on its own.
        I do appreciate those who hate, loathe, and abominate GBC, though—it just means there’s more for us GBC fans!
        A happy Turkey Day to you all! :)

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      3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        I have never heard those two things referred to as interchangeable. Like, aren’t tater tots a required part of hotdish? And I have never encountered green bean casserole with tater tots.

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    5. Forest Hag*

      I hate green bean casserole as well, and my side of the family doesn’t really like it so we don’t serve it. But my husband’s family likes it (even though he hates it), so it’s always there. Most of the time no one hassles us about, but some people act like we’re offending the Thanksgiving Overlords if we don’t eat it.

      Re: stuffing (or dressing) – my sister has mastered our grandmother’s cornbread dressing and it is heaven. That was always my favorite part of Thanksgiving and I’m glad I can still enjoy it, after our grandmother passed (she was a top tier grandma and is very much missed).

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    6. FricketyFrack*

      More green bean casserole for meeee. Although I’m vegan and hate mushrooms, so mine’s more like a creamy sauce with onions and shallots instead of cream of mushroom soup, so I don’t know if it counts. Either way, I’m happy to eat all of it.

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    7. MCL*

      Oh my goodness, I just found out now that the gross green fluff that nobody likes but everyone insists be present on the table is called “pistachio pudding.” I actually find that my family’s Thanksgiving spread almost entirely consists of “things you don’t really have to chew,” and I have always privately thought that there has to be a better way. During Covid, spouse and I had really yummy steaks and steamed fresh veggies and fresh bread, and it was DELIGHTFUL. But now we’re back to family hangs, and since we’re not hosting, I shut up, haha!

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      1. Sylvia*

        So that’s what the pistachio pudding mix was doing in the Thanksgiving display at the grocery store. I’ve never seen it served at Thanksgiving before. It doesn’t seem like it would play nicely with the other traditional foods.

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    8. goddessoftransitory*

      Speaking of green beans:

      What is up with recipes that tell you to only cook fresh beans for 5 to 7 seven minutes and then plunge them in an ice bath??? I have made at least three different versions of fresh green beans for a side over the years that say this and they ALL were as tough as an old canvas Army tent. The only recipe I’ve ever made that didn’t turn out like that is an Eastern one that stewed them in tomatoes and water for at least an hour.

      How long does the commetariat at large cook fresh green beans in general?

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    9. Elizabeth West*

      I like green beans, but I always thought that casserole looked like they were swimming in snot. >_<

      Stuffing is the BEST though. And mashed potatoes.

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    10. Alex*

      My deep down darkest secret is that I wish my family would have/try new things for holiday meals. I’m so tired of our meal! I would even be up for a few fails if it wasn’t the same stinkin food year after year.

      However, I’m trying to be grateful to just have food, as well as the ability to go back to my own home and cook whatever I want.

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  3. pagooey*

    Just popping in to say that those two beautiful little CatTurkeyPilgrims are giving ME holiday joy that would otherwise be in short supply. Wishing Alison and everyone happiness, gratitude, and an endless supply of non-Cheap-Ass Rolls!

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  4. General von Klinkerhoffen*

    Happy Thanksgiving, those who celebrate! May you have cause to feel thankful, and be the reason someone else gives thanks.

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      1. Falling Diphthong*

        Props on sensibly putting the holiday in October, when the weather is likely to be pleasant and it’s not less than four weeks until the next major family gathering.

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  5. Strive to Excel*

    Cooking & baking thread! Is anyone looking forwards to making a favorite recipe over the next few days? Or trying something new?

    This year we are finally not travelling so I can give in to my long-held desire to butterfly a chicken and roast it that way. Fingers crossed it comes out well!

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    1. notagirlengineer*

      I am going to try an America’s Test Kitchen pumpkin pie that calls for cooking the filling to reduce it down for more concentrated flavor. I’ve always found pumpkin pie to be fine, but reading this recipe has me actually looking forward to trying it.

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      1. Rachel*

        I did this recipe once and I loved it! It’s my favorite pumpkin pie recipe of all time. I hope it goes well for you!

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    2. Zephy*

      I’ve been entrusted with the turkey for the third year running and I always spatchcock/butterfly it. 100/10 recommend, it cooks much faster and more evenly, and you maximize the crispy-skin factor. I’ve got to wrestle the bird this afternoon, I hope it’s thawed out by now. It’s been in the fridge since Thursday. Letting the bird sit in the fridge uncovered for a while will also help the skin dry out some, resulting in even crispier skin.

      I’ve also got to make a pumpkin pie, I guess I should do that tonight just so it’s ready. My husband also got a free pecan pie from work.

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      1. Strive to Excel*

        Darn! I did not know the part about letting it sit uncovered; hopefully if I get to it tonight it should be fine.

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        1. Always Tired*

          If you didn’t brine the bird, you can rub in some salt (and spices! might is well dry brine while you’re here), then leave it in the fridge uncovered. It’s very dry in the fridge, so the salt will draw the moisture out, which will then evaporate, resulting in a crispier skin when cooked.

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    3. Always Tired*

      I am, as always, on the hook for apple pie. I will give you my two tips for amazing apple pie filling: (1) replace some of the white sugar with brown sugar. The molasses content gives a deeper, more caramel flavor. (2) add 1.5-2 times the cinnamon called for, and a bit extra nutmeg. Unless you got some godly apples, no need to try to let them take the whole stage. Jazz it up.

      also, don’t sleep on the America’s Test Kitchen pie crust recipe. The one with the vodka? It’s amazing and nearly fool proof.

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    4. Aphrodite*

      I am alone tomorrow and no Thanksgiving dinner. And I am fine with that. But today I took the leftover roasted chicken bones, skin and some meat and combined it with TJ’s boxed chicken broth plus a huge quartered onion. Two hours later, I have a big bowl of fantastic broth that is both gelatinous and delicious. Yum.

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    5. Kaden Lee*

      I’m making Julia Child’s garlic mashed potatoes and I’m so excited. definitely the highest effort dish this year, including the turkey (both a whole one with Alton Brown’s recipe and a smoked turkey breast).

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    7. tab*

      I’m making lots of dishes for Thanksgiving dinner, but my favorite is the pumpkin cheesecake. I only make it once a year, and it’s worth the wait.

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    8. Mobie's Mom*

      Just me and the husband tomorrow, so I’m just making a turkey pot pie from my Amish cookbook. I make this once or twice a year, usually, because it’s more labor-intensive than I like on the regular, but it is FANTASTIC and I’m looking forward to it.

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    9. Lore*

      My two non negotiables are Smitten Kitchen/Gramercy Tavern’s gingerbread Bundt cake, doctored a little with my own spin, and a cranberry-pomegranate relish that was in NYT cooking a few years back. My partner is not much of a dessert person but he LOVES this cake for breakfast the day after. He doesnt like the cranberries but the leftovers will go in oatmeal and yogurt for the next week so all good.

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    10. Filosofickle*

      For most of the last 25 years I’ve made a pecan pie or my non-traditional pumpkin pie. This year I’m feeling apple but don’t want to do a big pie — there’s only 4 of us, and not big dessert people — so I’m making Ina Garten’s French Apple Tart. Never tried it before and am a little nervous! But I trust Ina.

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    11. goddessoftransitory*

      I’m always in charge of stuffing/dressing, mashed potatoes and greens. This year I did cornbread/biscuit cheddar and bacon dressing and am making creamed spinach for the green. Mashed potatoes are pretty basic but I’m going to slip some sour cream in there!

      Husband made the pumpkin pie yesterday and the cranberry relish today. Tomorrow he is Turkey Guy.

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    12. Snell*

      Babka. For literal years, I thought, “I’ll make this one day,” and that one day never really materialized. Well, I’m taking Big Food Day as the opportunity, and finally made solid plans to bake. I love cooking and baking, but sometimes it really helps me to have an excuse.

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      1. Jane*

        Oh hey, I made that exact recipe earlier this week! It was a perfect “I wanna get some extra veggies in me ahead of Thanksgiving” dinner.

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    14. old curmudgeon*

      I’ve already been cooking.

      There’s a vendor at our local Farmers’ Market that sells actual one-pound bags of cranberries, and I bought eight pounds last weekend! I made up six quarts of our favorite cooked ginger-cranberry-orange relish last weekend and have been enjoying it all week on toast, mixed with overnight oats, mixed with yogurt, and all by itself. I’ve got four quarts in the freezer, with the other two reserved for the big dinner (and for my snacking enjoyment).

      I’m known for pies in our family, and I’ll be making at least two for dinner. One will be my late mother-in-law’s recipe for pumpkin pie; she wasn’t much of a cook in most respects, but her pumpkin pie recipe is the best I’ve ever eaten. I’m thinking of using a new recipe that I recently found called “Mile-High Apple Pie” for the other one; it calls for something like six or seven pounds of apples, and the filling is cooked ahead of time before putting it into the pie.

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    15. Not your typical admin*

      We have close friends we do Thanksgiving with. For the first time we turned over the deserts to our teens. My daughter did two homemade apple pies and her friend did pumpkin cheesecake. Excited to see how their creations turn out!

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    16. Jane*

      I’m trying Stella Parks’ apple pie recipe for the first time! I was going to attempt her pumpkin pie, but it requires 1) roasting a butternut squash (because most of what’s sold as canned “pumpkin” in the US is actually made from smaller varieties of squash) and 2) making homemade condensed milk, which is waaaay more effort than I feel like exerting this year. (Plus I’m way more on Team Apple than Team Pumpkin when it comes to autumnal treats!)

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    17. Elizabeth West*

      I bought some carrots to try making carrot soup this weekend. For dinner tomorrow, I might try that chili crisp alfredo recipe y’all told me about since I’m on my own. All I have is linguini, but that should work.

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  6. aceowl*

    I’m coming down with some sort of cold. I’m just devastated. My very frail grandfather will be coming to the family dinner and I just can’t justify exposing him to anything so I’ve already texted to cancel. It’ll be the first time I’ve never seen my family on Thanksgiving.

    At least my partner and I had already planned to cook our own feast on Friday so we won’t be totally missing out on the food.

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    1. River*

      I hope you get to see your grandfather soon! And I hope you get better ASAP!! Yeah it stinks not seeing everyone you want to during the holidays. I wont get to see any of my relatives or siblings for Thanksgiving either for various reasons. Enjoy your feast, whatever you decide to make!!

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    2. Middle Aged Lady*

      Aww, I am so sorry! It’s good of you to think of others and not go. I hope you have a lovely day anyway.

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    4. Alice*

      I’m sorry to hear this but I think you are doing the right thing by protecting your grandfather from whatever lurgy you have got. I hope you feel better soon and at you can see him and your family in a little while once you are better!

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    5. Rara Avis*

      Sorry to hear! I’ve been sick for Thanksgiving several years running — I make it through 20 hours of parent/teacher conferences and crash with some virus or other. Since we usually host, that’s it for turkey day. This year I’m invited to someone else’s house, and so far the germs have stayed away.

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    6. Kathenus*

      Any chance you could wear an N95, not eat, and just visit your grandfather from across the room for a little while then leave?

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  7. Always Tired*

    I offered to leave work early and go help my parents with the last bits of holiday set up. This woman (my mother) really asked “oh, would you like to polish the silver?” like anyone has ever enjoyed polish silver ever. Ma’am. No, I would not at all LIKE to, but I will do it. As soon as I escape benefit deduction update hell.

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    1. Generic Name*

      When I talked to my mom the other day about holiday preparations she asked if I would mind if she didn’t polish the silver (that sits out for decoration). I said I didn’t notice that the silver had been polished last time I visited.

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    2. Buni*

      oh god I’m so sorry but I *love* polishing the silver, nay any metal thing at all. I still volunteer to do it every time I visit my parents. I do it for the church every pre-Easter clean. Clearly I’m hooked on the smell of Brasso….

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      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        I loved doing it as a kid and teen. It is so satisfying! And you can’t be asked to, say, clean the bathroom or garage while you’re doing it.

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    3. Shiny*

      I actually do like polishing silver! I love how shiny it gets. I like cleaning windows for the same reason and always volunteer for these duties. For some reason, I never have any competition.

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    4. AvonLady Barksdale*

      I got silver polish wipes and it made a HUGE difference. Much less of a chore. So shiny! But I used it on my own silver stuff, so that might have helped ease my frustration.

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    5. J Marie*

      I have two sets of inherited silver and I got it out when I had company last week. My kids did not do a good job polishing it. in googling about it, I read that people just use the stuff as their daily silverware and it can go in the dishwasher as long as there are no other metals in with it. So I tossed our mixed up stainless set in a shoebox, put the silver in the silverware drawer, warned everyone about the other metals in the dishwasher and we are trying it! It is all already so nice and shiny just from daily use and washing.

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  8. FricketyFrack*

    In my annual tradition (at least since 2016), I’m taking time to be thankful that my mom and I quit speaking to her side of the family in about 2011. They’re all a bunch of hateful bigots and I know for a fact that they’d be extra intolerable this year, so it’s great that I don’t have to see any of them. Even if it’s kind of a bummer that it’s just me and my mom now, it’s better than having to spend the day angry and frustrated.

    I know a lot of people struggle to cut off their family members for various reasons, but I can vouch that it really is so freeing to say, “Turns out that I don’t actually have to subject myself to this.”

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    1. Zephy*

      I know several people who are arming themselves with airhorns for Thanksgiving and are prepared to drown out their shitty relatives’ bigotry by force if necessary.

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    3. Panicked*

      I went no contact with my mom a few weeks ago because of her religious and moral justification for her hate-filled views. This will be the first holiday after our falling out. It’s either going to be great or terrible; I’m not sure which yet.

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      1. FricketyFrack*

        Probably hard but also peaceful. I can imagine that it being your mom makes it a lot more difficult than it was with, say, the uncle I saw a few times a year. I’m sorry that you’re in that situation.

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    4. WestsideStory*

      Sometimes it doesn’t have to be something vile or egregious to call a halt on family holidays. You can love some people with all your heart but just not be up to dealing with them on every holiday.
      Which is why are spending Thanksgiving in Las Vegas, just us two. Yes, this is very freeing. We will have turkey, and football, and peace.

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  9. Anonymous Pygmy Possum*

    Well, I’m alone for the holiday this year. My goal this year was that my partner and I would spend the holiday together, but that didn’t happen. We have been dating for four years and he (we are both men) only came out to his (Catholic conservative) immediate family in July, and I was supposed to go with him to their big family gathering and meet his extended family (who are also conservative). But I just didn’t want to deal with that this year, for obvious reasons. So, I chose not to go. I am going to spend the day with my cat and roast a half duck and some sides. And I’m going to call my family at their Thanksgiving.

    It helps that his family is doing a traditional immediate family Thanksgiving meal on Sunday, which I am invited to and am not at least actively dreading – while his dad sucks, his brothers and mom are at least open to getting to know me as their brother’s/son’s partner. Plus, none of them are going to talk shit to my face. I know they talk shit behind my back, but that’s not my problem!

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    1. Zephy*

      Aw, I’m sorry you won’t be with your partner at Thanksgiving. I can understand if he doesn’t want to (re)open that can of worms by not going himself this year, but that still sucks for you. I hope you and your cat enjoy your meal.

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      1. Anonymous Pygmy Possum*

        He has his own reasons for wanting to go, and I decided pretty late (like, Sunday) that I didn’t want to go. I don’t hold his decision to go against him. I am looking forward to having the apartment to myself for a few days but I am still a little sad. Like you said, it does suck.

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  10. Grilledcheeser*

    Due to unemployment & sick friends, i pared way back on holiday dinner this year. As soon as the fancy grocery store opens on Thursday morning, i am popping in for deli turkey slices, slice of pumpkin pie, and carrots&celery. Already have canned cranberry jelly, pickles & olives, mashed potatoes in a cup (just add hot water!), rolls & butter, and punch ingredients. An easy meal for myself, no real cooking, no fuss! Now just to figure out what to do with my day when i would have been traveling & visiting. Napping with the cats? Reading! Sewing!

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    1. Forrest Rhodes*

      Sorry to hear about the unemployment and sick friends, Grilledcheeser, but I think you’re receiving a great gift in a solo Thanksgiving Day. You’ve already planned a great menu and munchies, and as you say, it’s no-fuss; and you get to do absolutely anything you choose:

      Reading books. Watching birds and squirrels outside the window and/or cheesy stuff on TV (an appliance of which you have total control, by the way). Taking a nap at an unusual hours of the day. Settling in and listening to your favorite music to see where it takes you. Going for a stroll if it’s a nice day, either with your earbuds or without them (and enjoy your local sights and sounds). Writing emails to friends you haven’t talked to for a while. And did I mention naps?

      Just go where the day takes you. I’m sure it’ll be an outstanding, relaxing, and thankful day, and that’s what I’m wishing for you!

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  11. Wendy Darling*

    I have lost my mind and am solo cooking a full thanksgiving spread for three people. I’ve cut the menu as much as I can without cutting things I really want to eat, which still leaves four dishes and a pie.

    I’m just finishing my coffee before I get started, because I have a full day of cooking today AND tomorrow.

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    1. Zephy*

      Godspeed. o7 (that’s a salute)

      I hope you’ve got a bottle of your favorite something-or-other waiting for you at the end of your cooking marathon!

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    4. Cadillac*

      I did a mini spread for my husband and I to scarf down while our newborn napped last year. I think it was 3 or 4 dishes and a pie. Totally worth it to get to eat the foods I wanted!! Enjoy yours!

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    5. Charlotte Lucas*

      I always do a full spread for my SO and me (family in another state). We will have enough leftovers to get us through 4 days of binge watching our favorite shows.

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    6. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      I did that last year and it was just fine (tho I didn’t make dessert)
      6 people total – cooked everything the day before and reheated it at my Moms house.

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  12. epicdemiologist*

    My daughter and her new wife are hosting us this year! Just the 4 of us, and everyone’s contributing to the meal. Really low stress and cozy.

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  13. River*

    This year’s Thanksgiving is going to be super small for me. It will be just me and my parents. My other siblings and relatives are doing their own thing with in-laws. In a way it will be nice having something lowkey but at the same time I love getting the family together. It’s going to feel weird. Then I will be getting up early Friday to go Black Friday shopping and kickstart my holiday shopping.

    I can’t believe the holidays are here. It doesn’t feel like it.

    Blessings and Joy and wonderful memories to everyone this season!

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  14. Paris Geller*

    I’m very excited for a low-key Thanksgiving. It will just be my husband & I. We bought prepared sides from the grocery store & a turkey breast. I plan on eating our feast, finishing our Christmas decorations, and settling in for days of reading, napping, & watching holiday movies.

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    1. Falling Diphthong*

      Very similar here, and spouse even agreed to just do fish and grain of some form, respecting that I loathe stuffing. Plan A involved a lot of outdoor activity, which it seems the weather is going to forestall, so we might binge our way through something.

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    2. StrayMom*

      That sounds lovely – we are doing the same. DH and I will be cooking a boneless turkey breast tomorrow, and if the forecasted lake effect snow storm holds off, we may end up finishing it on the grill. Then we’ll head to ski country on Friday and hope to be snowed in for a couple of days. We need to unplug.

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  15. Sindirella*

    I only have to make mashed potatoes and deviled eggs for tomorrow. Feeling super thankful for my in-laws and their large family potlucking.
    But for some reason, I decided to host a separate Thanksgiving for my dad and stepmom on Friday and I volunteered to make whole duck. I have 2. I’ve never made duck before. Plus, I have to make my grandmother’s potato rolls, which are a bit time consuming. Wish me luck!

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    2. ZSD*

      Good luck! I will say that the one time I made duck, I learned that it generates WAY more fat than roast chicken or roast turkey. I think I made duck-fat fries about five times after roasting that one duck. So be prepared.

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  16. Zephy*

    My FIL extended an invitation to my dad and his wife to come to ours for Thanksgiving this year. That was very nice of him, but I honestly cannot think of an experience my dad would enjoy less: drive 2 1/2 hours to meet a dozen mostly-strangers, and then cram himself into a hot room for a big meal full of foods he doesn’t like or can’t eat, and then drive back because there’s no more room at the inn (SIL and her family are already occupying the guest rooms), unless they want to literally get a room at an inn for the night.

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    2. my brain is full*

      Is your dad going? It sounds like he’d prefer to visit two weekends from now, when the inn is empty, and the food can be made more to his preference. As well as spending more time with the person he knows (and presumeably wants to see)

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      1. Zephy*

        He isn’t, but he and his wife talked about visiting at a less-busy time of year, when there are fewer strangers to meet all at once. I think my dad talked with my now-inlaws for about 15 minutes at my and my now-husband’s college graduation and that’s the extent of their relationship at this point, inviting him to our Thanksgiving is skipping SO many levels. Perhaps when we have our own place I’ll host and summon my family to me, if not all at once then Dad for Thanksgiving and Mom for Christmas.

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  17. Liz the Snackbrarian*

    It’s just my husband and I this year. I got sober this year and we started marriage counseling a few months after. I’m not sure how I feel about our future, so I’m trying to focus on the gratitude I have for my sobriety, my job, two adorable kitties, and many other things.

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    1. ashie*

      Wow congrats on your sobriety! So much respect. No matter how things work out, you’re taking care of you and that’s amazing

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    2. I'm Still Fun!*

      Congratulations on your sobriety! I recently celebrated five years since I stopped drinking (with a mocktail party with friends!), and it is the best decision I ever made. I am now surrounded by friends who either no longer drink themselves, or it’s just not a focus of our time together. It’s really refreshing and encouraging! I hope you find a similar community if that’s helpful for you, and that all works out as you hope with your husband <3 Sending lots of love your way!

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    4. Not A Manager*

      I was in a similar position a few years ago, not so much with sobriety but with other forms of self-medicating, and a troubled marriage. In retrospect, I’m very thankful that I pared away the distractions so I could choose my own future and not just half-ass into it.

      I hope that the coming seasons are energizing and invigorating, in whatever ways are best for you.

      Reply ↓
    6. Middle Aged Lady*

      Good luck to you! Mr Middle Age Lady and I had some rough years a while back and sobriety was part of the journey. Wishing you a peaceful day. Kitties always help!

      Reply ↓
  18. Aphrodite*

    Holidays are not meant to be “perfect.” Don’t attempt to make it one, nor demand others do so. Remember that perfection is the enemy of fun. Have fun. Stay calm. Float above the chaos. Remember to laugh. Hug someone.

    Reply ↓
  19. N C Kiddle*

    Tomorrow is just another day in the UK but I’m taking notes for the festivities next month. My current very vague plan is to spend the day by myself and do nothing special, then cycle to the next city (just under 30 miles) the day after.

    Reply ↓
  20. Hair Help!*

    I used a product on my hair that I hoped would make it less frizzy, and it made it way more frizzy and unmanageable. (It was SKALA Mais Cachos for hair type 3ABC – 2 IN 1 Conditioning Treatment Cream & Cream To Comb). The product is mostly for curly hair, but it said that it was okay for all hair types.

    I’ve washed my hair three times since I used it, and my hair is still frizzy and has way too much volume, and I can’t get it to calm down much, even with a flat iron. What should I do?
    I have latina hair that’s thick and a little course, not straight but not curly. It tends to frizz, and I end up using a flat iron more than I want to.

    Reply ↓
    1. Soprani*

      Use a clarifying/detox shampoo to remove the product (Suave clarifying shampoo will do the trick) and then find a hair mask for repairing damaged hair (Pantene miracle rescue might do) that you can leave on for about 15 min covered (plastic bag or hair bonnet/tshirt) and rinse.

      The products I mentioned are lesser expensive drug store brands, but I really like Redken’s Extreme Mega Mask

      Reply ↓
      1. Jan*

        Agree. Clarifying shampoo and then condition, condition, condition the bejeebers out of it. Conditioner with a plastic cap and put a hot towel or hair dryer to help it condition more.

        I used to relax mine and my son’s hair (stopped now) and used that method of conditioning which even took the mushiness away.

        Reply ↓
    3. tab*

      Have you tried leaving some conditioner in your hair after you towel it dry? I do that and just comb it in (or use a sparse bristle brush) and let it dry. I hope it works for you.

      Reply ↓
  21. Falling Diphthong*

    Recommend fun movies to watch with a group?

    New one: The Wild Robot is just a lovely story, and I plan to watch when my kids come home at Xmas.

    Classic: The Martian really works for us, perhaps because it is deeply, unapologetically geeky.

    If your criterion is that the Mom doesn’t die: The Mitchells vs the Machines is about a family roadtrip interrupted by the robot apocalypse.

    Reply ↓
    2. Hermione*

      The Martian is a good one!

      If your group is okay with quick talk, quirky characters, and themes of m*rder and innuendos, my forever recommendation is Clue, with Tim Curry. One of my favorites.

      Both were a bit weird/quirky, PG-13 with some violence, but we enjoyed Argylle and The Fall Guy this year and would watch either with the right group. They both felt a little long though; could’ve used some editing.

      Reply ↓
    3. Forest Hag*

      I loved The Mitchells. I went into it blind when my daughter saw it on Netflix and wanted to watch it, and now I’m like “Heyyyy wanna watch The Mitchells??”

      Fun movie for certain groups: Jojo Rabbit

      It’s 2am and everyone’s exhausted and drunk/stoned/feeling silly: Xanadu

      Reply ↓
    4. my brain is full*

      I love His Girl Friday. Very old (1930’s), featuring a young Cary Grant, and a strong female lead. The dialogue goes very fast, and Rosalind Russel wears the *most beautiful* striped blazer with the stripes lining up perfectly. One site on the internet claimed it was black and pink, and I would love a black and pink blazer like that!

      Reply ↓
      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        Do a Cary Grant double feature with Bringing Up Baby. Screwball comedy involving paleontology and leopards. (And the dog from the Thin Man series.)

        Add in Ball of Fire (Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper) for a fun take on Snow White, where the heroine is a gangster’s mill in hiding and the “dwarfs” are scholars working on an encyclopedia. And you can learn fun 1940s slang!

        Reply ↓
    5. Mobie's Mom*

      The Mitchells vs the Machines was a surprise “love” when my husband and I watched it awhile back! Might be time for a rewatch! Thank you for the reminder!

      Reply ↓
    6. Filosofickle*

      Just rewatched The Princess Bride with one of my oldest friends — always a good choice :)

      Mitchells vs. the Machines is adorable, I loved it.

      Reply ↓
    7. goddessoftransitory*

      I am a huge MSTie/Rifftrax nerd and love throwing on one of their Christmas shows, especially the live shorts show Rifftrax did a few years ago (Weird Al was a guest riffer!) Every single short was a laugh riot.

      Reply ↓
  22. Stories*

    Thanksgiving / Holiday Gathering Conversation Topics!

    If you are like me and sometimes struggle to come up with things to talk about with folks I don’t see often, here are some discussion topics that were recently shared with me that could help start conversations, especially with older loved ones to learn their stories:

    Who was the most important person in your life? Can you tell me about them?
    Who has been the kindest to you in your life?
    What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?
    What is your earliest memory?
    Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to share with me?
    What are you most proud of in your life?
    How has your life been different than what you imagined?
    Do you have any regrets?
    What does your future hold?
    Is there something about me that you’ve always wanted to know, but never asked?

    I love that these ask about the past or future, instead of focusing only on the present. Especially after the recent election, when conversations could potentially become heated, perhaps we can find a way to connect with family members and loved ones beyond our current political views, and learn a bit more about what made them into the person they are today.

    Happy Holidays to all!

    Reply ↓
    1. Generic Name*

      These are great tips! I love taking/hearing about pets, so requesting funny/cute pet stories could be another fun topic of discussion.

      Reply ↓
  23. Kotow*

    We’ll be having a wonderful feast. The stuffing is always amazing and is my favorite part of the meal. Oh yes, and there will be no cheap ass rolls!

    Reply ↓
  24. LadyAmalthea*

    I moved to Ireland a bit over 5 years ago, and have twins turning 2 on the 30th. Thanksgiving is now at my place as a birthday celebration. While kosher turkey is obtainable, it is also a pain to get and I can take or leave meat and my sister is pescatarian, so we will have fish, minted peas, roasted potatoes, macaroni and cheese, cranberry sauce, and sweet potato pie – all foods that I never ate at Thanksgiving as a kid.

    Reply ↓
    1. magic*

      Happy birthday to the twins and happy Thanksgiving! I’ve never thought of pairing mint and peas before but you’ve inspired me… I might add some to the risi e bisi I’ve been dreaming of.

      Reply ↓
    3. AvonLady Barksdale*

      That sounds like the best menu– no turkey = dairy! We have a vegetarian household and while I miss making brisket (I’ve done it at a few friends’ homes), I love that the holiday table is full of dairy goodness. And real pie crust and whipped cream! A big change from the margarine- and Cool Whip-laden Thanksgivings of my youth.

      Reply ↓
  25. David Rose*

    Angst thread! Whyyyyyyyy. Why am I traveling for Thanksgiving. I love my family so much but there are plenty of other occasions on which to see them that aren’t the busiest travel days of the year culminating in a stressful group meal! I did a low-key Friendsgiving last year with some of my dear friends and it was so nice, I’ll be thinking of that tomorrow, I’m sure.

    On the bright side, I’m PSYCHED for pie.

    Reply ↓
    1. spcepickle*

      I fly out tomorrow on actual Thanksgiving – and I am also questions all my life choices. We got this! I built extra time into my normal get to the airport schedule and am practicing smiling with my eyes.

      Reply ↓
  26. MyGyver*

    I went for a walk on Wednesday at noon for some fresh air on a beautiful day. I lost my house key somehow. I re-traced my steps, nope. Called my apt mgmt office – nope, closed, call a locksmith. But I am resourceful! I live in FL on the 2nd floor and my balcony was open because the weather is great. I found a ladder and a nimble neighbor and PRESTO! I’m in! I am giving all my neighbors those hide-a-key rocks for Christmas – LOL. Plus I’m exchanging keys with another nearby friend. I am thankful not to spend $150 on a locksmith!

    Reply ↓
  27. AvonLady Barksdale*

    We’re traveling for Thanksgiving and will be gone for about 30 hours total. And I am just fine that way– it will be nice to see some cousins and it will get my mother to stop asking when I’m coming to visit. I used points to book most of it– wouldn’t have agreed if I hadn’t been able to do that, fares are outrageous– and the most expensive part of this holiday will be boarding the dog. He’s at “camp” for three nights. He’s been having a rough time lately so I hope he has a nice time exploring the outdoors and hanging out with his fellow senior buds.

    Once we get back we’ll hit the grocery store for my favorite time of the year– Thanksgiving food on sale. I seriously love it. Stuffing mix. Pumpkin. Cream of mushroom soup and fried onions (yes, I actually like green bean casserole). I make mini-Thanksgiving for us every year.

    Reply ↓
  28. Delta Delta*

    I’m baking a cranberry pie tonight to share with friends tomorrow. I absolutely adore it – it’s tart and bracing and stunningly red. Anyone else baking something fabulous?

    Reply ↓
  29. RussianInTexas*

    Who is doing a non-traditional food Thanksgiving? It’s just 5 of us this year (MIL broke her hip few weeks ago and not hosting nor traveling, my sister is spending Thanksgiving in Mexico with boyfriend and family, stepdaughter and family are at her husband’s mom), me, partner, my dad, stepmom, and brother.
    None are married to the traditional food. Partner and I are responsible for the meat and the pie. Stepmom is making sides, no idea which ones.
    I asked if the family had a meat preference, the answer was no. So since pork shoulder was on sale, smoked pork shoulder it is! With hot and sweet jelly.
    The pies: egg custard, and French silk. Both bought at a local pie shop.

    Reply ↓
    1. spcepickle*

      We always do tamales on or around Thanksgiving. There are many hands to do the work which makes it fun and they freeze super well for quick but tasty meals all winter.

      Reply ↓
      1. RussianInTexas*

        I love tamales. I took a class in tamale making, and I am 100% not making them at home. They require more dexterity and patience than I possess.

        Reply ↓
    2. River*

      We are also doing Tamales this year. They are a good size, easy to serve, not really messy and ours are moist and decadent. We serve them with lettuce, sour cream, and homemade hot/mild salsas. Makes cleanup easy too. Throw out the husks!

      Reply ↓
    3. Elansha*

      We have also embraced our tradition of a non-traditional Thanksgiving: a vegan feast consisting of tons of diverse roasted vegetables (carrots, leeks, squash, brussels sprouts, etc. with saffron rice topped with roasted slivered nuts and pomegranate seeds) – this year held on Friday for convenience. (It will also be non-traditional in that it’s the first holiday since my husband unexpectedly told me he wanted a divorce, but we are still going to be gathering together with our daughter and some relatives. Sigh.)

      Reply ↓
    5. AKK*

      Some of my fondest childhood memories are of holidays when we wouldn’t do the traditional food. We would spend the day together in the kitchen making a big batch of burritos for the freezer, or making gnocchi, or having a marinated flank steak.

      Reply ↓
    6. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

      When Thanksgiving is just me, I do Turkey of the Sea– which is what I jokingly call a good salmon filet slathered in garlic butter and broiled and served with whatever sides I want to make (broccoli is always one of them).

      Reply ↓
  30. Our Business Is Rejoicing*

    American expat here. I’ve mostly lost track of the whole Thanksgiving rhythm other than being conscious of when Black Friday is (because they do sales here in Canada now as well to try to convince shoppers not to cross-border shop). Had the pie and turkey back in October. Oddly enough, I have a turkey breast roast in the oven right now and had completely blanked about that coincidence.

    Also, now I want pumpkin pie again. May have to do something about that.

    Reply ↓
    1. The Prettiest Curse*

      Weirdly, UK retailers adopted Black Friday a few years back, but since we don’t do Thanksgiving, they don’t do it on an actual Friday. So it seems to have morphed into a generic term for discounts starting at a random time in November and lasting for a week or so.

      Reply ↓
      1. Beth**

        I feel like UK “Black Friday” now lasts pretty much the whole of November. When it was actually on the Friday after Thanksgiving, I was sad that British people were getting the icky commercial side of Thanksgiving without the good bits (food, togetherness, thankfulness). But now that it lasts so long, it feels entirely separate from That.

        Reply ↓
  31. Six Feldspar*

    Australian here, all I know about thanksgiving is from watching:
    1. the Buzzfeed video on holiday etiquette by Zefrank
    2. Wednesday’s speech in Addams Family Values

    I’m guessing the reality is a bit different?

    Reply ↓
    1. Snell*

      American here, and all I can really attest to is that the reality is as varied as the US is. Sometimes the online chatter from other Americans is so foreign to my own Thanksgiving experience.

      If I missed a joke, it’s probably because I haven’t seen either of your two references.

      Reply ↓
    2. HiddenT*

      I haven’t seen the first one, but Wednesday had it pretty spot-on in terms of the superficial nature of the holiday.

      Most people I know generally treat it as a holiday where you see family (how much family varies) and eat a lot of food, without paying much attention to the cultural history of the holiday (especially since there’s been a bigger push in recent years to acknowledge the indigenous genocide perpetrated by the colonizers). While there’s “traditional” Thanksgiving food, a lot of families do things differently/substitute dishes they like better/have their own traditional foods. A lot of people (especially queer friend groups with shitty families) do things like “Friendsgiving” instead. It is a Federal holiday so a lot of people get the day off, depending on your employer you might also get Friday off (I don’t, for no good reason, I expect it will be pretty dead since a lot of companies we do business with are closed Friday).

      Reply ↓
  32. Pillow Castle*

    I’m cooking Thanksgiving at a family member’s house. She recently got a new oven and believes it’s too small for the turkey, so bought one of those stand alone plug in roaster ovens. Everything I’ve read says they tend to cook things faster, so I’m trying to figure out how to adjust. Does anyone have experience with these and advice?

    Reply ↓
    1. Hobbitjeff*

      Yes! I do my turkey in a stand-alone roaster, and they do cook faster. I set mine 25 degrees below the temp suggested in the recipe.

      Reply ↓
  33. Beth**

    I’m American living abroad for many years, but I do love Thanksgiving. Tomorrow I will be hosting dinner for about 15 people (probably fewer as there are usually drop-outs on the day), which I will spend the whole day cooking.

    I’ve just made three batches of pie crust (which will yield 4-5 pies given that most are single-crust varieties). Tomorrow will be for cooking all day. I have a good Thanksgiving routine, but this year I’m adding some mac n cheese because I have a couple of vegetarian attendees and wanted to give them something with more protein than the usual Thanksgiving sides.

    And for all the naysayers above about green bean casserole, I have found that it’s one of the only green vegetables that people actually eat on Thanksgiving (at least at my house). Previous attempts of broccoli, lettuce-based salad and goodness knows what else have gone largely untouched. So green bean casserole it is.

    Reply ↓
  34. Solo This Year*

    I’m sick and will be staying home this year. Not Covid or the flu, so that’s good. But I feel rotten and don’t feel up to going anywhere.

    I’m single and live by myself, so I’ll just be over here with my pity party.

    Reply ↓
    1. Elizabeth West*

      I’m solo too — I’ve done it before. It’s just pajama and movie day usually. Since you’re sick, you can make it a self-care indulgence day. Feel better soon. <3

      Reply ↓
    2. LemonDrop*

      5 weeks ago I had major surgery, and I’ve been sick for the last 4 weeks. it’s a sinus infection that just won’t go away despite the strong antibiotics (started second round a few days ago). it’s just me and my parents, but they kindly offered to delay Thanksgiving for me.
      When I had to travel with short notice overseas and miss holidays I told myself that they’re all just arbitrary days which means I can celebrate whatever I want when I want. I use the same thinking for when I’m sick and I miss out on something. plus, if you celebrate on a different day you usually can get better prices, have less crowding, etc!
      feel better soon!

      Reply ↓
  35. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

    I am leaving on a 6am flight tomorrow to go to Disneyworld for Thanksgiving weekend. I am hoping to get into the Candlelight Processional at Epcot – the celebrity narrator for the nights I’m there is Josh Gad. :)

    Reply ↓
  36. 653-CXK*

    Several years ago (when I was a kid) we used to have Thanksgiving at my grandparent’s house, and it was a big deal – my grandfather would carve the turkey, my grandmother would make the sides, my mother would make the desserts, and all of our families would come over and feast. Then we’d go over to my aunt’s house on the other side of town for dessert.

    Tomorrow, it’ll be my mother, myself, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my 7 month old niece. I’m fine with that – it’s much less stressful. We’re having turkey breast, roasted potatoes, zucchini fritters, and blueberry dump cake.

    For those of you celebrating Thanksgiving on your own – either voluntarily or involuntarily – be kind to yourselves. If your Thanksgiving involves a turkey sandwich, leftover Chinese, cold pizza, or even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it’s not always about feasts – it’s about being grateful for what you have. Each day I’m perpendicular, I’m grateful, and sometimes that’s all you need.

    And for those of you who have had loved ones pass away, your memories will always be a blessing.

    Reply ↓
  37. GoodNPlenty*

    I’ve been eating vegan for the last three months to lower my LDL cholesterol. Just one more week until my next lab draw….so it’s a chickpea Thanksgiving!

    Reply ↓
  38. HiddenT*

    I’m gonna spend the day playing video games and probably have a frozen pizza for dinner. I’m not mad about this, although I do wish I could see my family, but I have an elderly cat who’s on multiple twice-daily medications (she’s doing great, just has a couple different health issues, but still has plenty of energy for her age) and my roommate has left town for the weekend, so travel isn’t feasible for me. I’m thankful she’s doing so well and that I have a roof over my head and video games to play.

    Reply ↓
  39. senior parent*

    Spouse and I will make a delicious dinner with all our favorites while simultaneously remaining calm and supportive of stressed kid’s work on college applications. Do not remember that process being so intense as it is now. We begged off any extended family invitations for kid’s sake–best decision ever!

    Reply ↓
  40. Boggle*

    Looking forward to a quiet Thanksgiving tomorrow, just me and my husband. We are traveling less and less since we were always the ones to do it. We planned out the menu, starting with a nice breakfast in the morning. Bought prepared turkey, stuffing, gravy and pies from some really nice markets, and I made sure hubby got both pumpkin and apple pies. The mashed potatoes and green beans will be microwaved, with the green beans put in olive oil and garlic once steamed. The only thing missing is cranberry sauce, but I think we’ll make do. I hope everyone has a lovely day whether it be a small or large gathering. And be safe out there if you’re driving!

    Reply ↓
  41. Dr. KMnO4*

    My husband and I are doing a “Friendsgiving” with my best friend this year. He lives in the same town, so it’s way easier than traveling to either of our families (and less stressful overall). None of us love turkey, so we are having prime rib instead. I’m going to be attempting to make my MIL’s scalloped potatoes recipe. I never used to like scalloped potatoes, then I tried hers and I was sold. I’m just looking forward to a low-stress holiday.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!

    Reply ↓

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