weekend open thread – November 23-24, 2024

by Alison Green on November 22, 2024

He is now permitted to touch her with one paw.

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Amp’d, by Ken Pisani. After an accident leaves him short one arm, a man moves back home with his father and tries to rebuild his life. Far funnier than you expect it to be.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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{ 114 comments }

{ 114 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    The weekend posts are for relatively light discussion — think office break room — and comments should ask questions and/or seek to discuss ideas. “Here’s what happened to me today” personal-blog-style posts will be removed (because they got out of control in the past). We also can’t do medical advice here.

    These threads are no politics.

    Please give the full rules a re-read.

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  2. Spacewoman Spiff*

    Happy weekend! Does anyone have tips on winter sowing?

    Background: I’m zone 7B and this will be my first time trying winter sowing. (Also new to gardening in general! This will be just my second year with a garden.) I’m collecting milk jugs and have been reading lots of tips on what types of seeds do well with this method, but I’m curious to hear more from people who have done this. Advice on when I should start my seeds, plants that have done really well for you, maybe a story or two about how great your garden is! Right now I’m excited by the idea of starting to work on my garden in the winter. :)

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    1. MissB*

      Iirc, sowing on/after the winter solstice is typical. I’m usually too busy until January.

      I found that putting large coffee filters in the bottom of the milk jug before adding soil helped deter slugs. Not completely but it helped. Some things were just hit hard by slugs- zinnia in particular.

      Because of the elevation here as well as the big trees around my lot, I have to choose tomatoes with fairly short maturities. They are things that I absolutely won’t use winter sowing for (Mexican sunflowers are the other that I won’t use this method for.) I live in the rainy PNW. Some springs are cold and wet.

      It’s great for perennials like poppies, gaillardia, lupine etc. It is also great for starting asparagus and artichokes from seed. I have less success with starting annuals but in theory, it should work just fine.

      I’m getting a greenhouse next spring so I’m shifting away from winter sowing.

      I am, however, loving seed snails …

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    2. Viette*

      It should be pretty easy! The jugs are a greenhouse for the seeds, so direct sunlight is crucial. That being said, if you live in a place that gets wind or storms, the jugs can get blown over or otherwise disturbed (also if you have bored delinquent animals, wild or non). If you have a raised garden bed where you’ve covered the dirt for the winter with a tarp, you can just put them in there. If you have a simple wooden crate without a lid, or similar, put them in that, or some people tie all the handles together with twine. All the websites have photos of the milk jugs ensconced in a loving blanket of snow, but at least where I have lived the loving blanket of snow -> it’s sunny and warm transition has some intermediate turbulent weather.

      Leafy greens and other fairly simple things are good to start with. Solanaceae are wimpy and high maintenance and I would not try with them, or the very least not for your first attempt.

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    3. Tuxedos unite!*

      I also have a young male tuxedo cat who as of recently is allowed to touch my elderly female cat…..with one paw. I LOL’d when I read that caption.

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    4. RLC*

      His facial expression is priceless!
      If this was our cat family, the next move would be a boop right back with a tortie paw.
      “But Mom, he started it!!!”

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  4. goddessoftransitory*

    Fun question for procrastinators of entertainment:

    What shows have you put off watching until well past their premieres? I’ve recently started Bob’s Burgers and Only Murders in the Building and am greatly enjoying both. Last year it was Midnight Mass on Netflix.

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    2. Emperor Kuzco*

      I started Dexter a month or two ago and I’m almost through season 3 (of the original run). I mostly avoid watching shows that haven’t been completed because I’ve been burnt in the past :’)

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    3. WellRed*

      When they launched the new sex and the city I “saved” it to watch new years weekend so I could see the whole thing without waiting for episodes.

      Reply ↓
    4. Harlowe*

      I exclusively watch cancelled TV now, to avoid disappointment. I’ve been burned too many times. Considering starting Supernatural, but the length is daunting.

      Reply ↓
    5. Harrowhark*

      I’ve probably watched less than a dozen shows weekly as they were airing, and for nearly all of those, at least one season had wrapped up before I started watching. The longest gap between a premiere and my belated viewing would be Doctor Who, though—I started watching episodes from 1963 this year!

      Reply ↓
    6. Jay*

      I started 30 Rock many years after it’s end date.
      I mentioned this once before here that I had always thought that 30 Rock must somehow be the sequel to 3rd Rock, which was what people used to call 3rd Rock From The Sun. I didn’t like 3rd Rock, so I always assumed that I would also dislike it’s ‘sequel’.
      Apparently a surprising number of AAM regulars thought the same thing!

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    8. fallingleavesofnovember*

      My husband and I always seem to watch shoes 10+ years after they finish. We watched The West Wing for the first time around 2018 and only recently watched Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul…not sure what is next on the list!

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    10. Msd*

      For some reason I’ve never watched any of the Chicago xx shows. I just started watching Chicago Fire on peacock. Between Chicago Fire, P.D., and Med there are approximately 640 episodes.
      However, I’m not sure I can even begin to make it through 640 episodes. I’m only on Chicago Fire season 1 partway there episode 3 and I’ve already seen a fireman killed, guy smooshed by collapsed foundation, little girl needing blood pulled from her heart by emt, firemen falling through collapsed floor, girl killed by falling down high rise window washing equipment, guy impaled on iron fence, kid paralyzed in car accident, car almost going over a bridge. And I think I’ve forgotten a couple. It’s a lot.

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    11. EA*

      I started watching Grey’s Anatomy when on maternity leave and I’m pretty sure it was on like season 18. I only made it through like 3 seasons though…

      Also Jane the Virgin, one of my favorites – I started watching the year that it ended. Loved it!

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    12. Goldfeesh*

      I’ve been watching True Blood. I was initially confused because I thought it was going to be a show about vampire detectives- finally figured out I was conflating True Blood and True Detective in my mind. I hadn’t seen either but just heard of them. Lol.

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    13. allathian*

      We just finished the 4th season of Only Murders in the Building. Last summer we finished watching The Wire. Before that, we watched Boardwalk Empire. Just started watching The Sopranos.

      We started watching GoT when season 7 dropped. We’re watching House of the Dragon season by season.

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  5. Vanessa*

    I hope this doesn’t step into medical ish.
    My bottom teeth are shifting a little and I’m looking at Invisalign. But it’s pricey and I keep seeing adds for byte. It’s more reasonable and seems comparable as far as what is happening.
    Does anyone have any direct experience with byte. How was your experience?

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    1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      We’ve finally gotten a little rain, which may help mitigate the drought conditions we were starting to face.

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      2. Rara Avis*

        The atmospheric river has been creating very interesting clouds — a rainbow within a cloud, fun sunrise and sunset colors.

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    3. anon24*

      Happy that my cats are happy! I’ve spent a small fortune in vet bills this past month or so (I posted a few weeks ago in the open thread about my male cat who wasn’t using the litterbox) but it has been worth every penny. The new vet is great, the meds are working, the behavioral changes they suggested are all finally paying off and both of my cats are happier and more at peace than they’ve been in months. My little guy has been trotting around all week with a happy wag in his tail like he used to and my little girl is not hiding so much but has been snuggling with me and laying by the window sunning her belly during bright cheerful days.

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    5. epicdemiologist*

      Finding out that Destinos, the 1990s telenovela (soap opera)-style Spanish course for adult beginners, is available free online. My new daughter-in-law is Mexican, and although she speaks excellent English, not all of her relatives do. I want to be able to converse with them, and high school Spanish was (mumblety mumble) decades ago!

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      1. H.Regalis*

        I loved Destinos. I would probably learn a lot of languages if they were all presented in soap opera format with an interlude for learning time. La Catrina was great too!

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      2. RC*

        IMO, there’s no better way to learn a language than just properly watching a soap opera. The pace is almost certainly slower than a normal TV show cause they’re filling 4-5 nights a week. Although your vocab might end up skewed towards phrases like “suelteme” “no me toques” and “ni muerta me caso contigo” lol

        The place-we-don’t-talk-about-on-weekends dynamic is horrendous, but Yo Soy Betty, La Fea and the Mexican remake La Fea Mas Bella (featuring Jaime Camil before he got US-famous) are classics. I’ve seen a few on the streaming services; generally Telemundo has more interesting ones than Televisa (they’re fine to start with, but after a few you realize it’s the same story over and over in slightly different wrappers with barely any clones or evil twins).

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      4. Nancy Drew*

        It’s so timely that you mention this PBS series from the 90’s! I’ve been very slowly making my way through Destinos over the last 2 years. Yesterday I went to view episode 28, only to find that the videos are no longer available via the link I’ve been using. The episode transcripts, textbook, and workbook for each chapter are still accessible. I hope I’m wrong and the link is broken, or something fixable on my end.

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    6. H.Regalis*

      I made a recipe I like: Roast (in a stick of butter) garlic and spinach combined into a sauce/paste and then tossed over angel hair pasta until it’s completely coated in that.

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    8. SC*

      I’m in the southern US and enjoy gathering American wild persimmons and making some of my grandmother’s old recipes. Some years I’m unsuccessful at finding any trees in our area, but last weekend I hit the jackpot with a yard in our neighborhood. The homeowners don’t use the fruit, and told me take as much as I want. Two gallon bucketfuls and now lots of beautiful organs pulp stored in the freezer for baking this winter!

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    9. Evan88*

      I’m in the New Orleans area and this has been our first actually cold week so I was able to turn on the hot tub. We have a colony of bats that live in one of our trees so it’s been awesome to sit in the hot tub and watch the bats do their thing.

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    10. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I went out socializing with a few of my favorite coworkers tonight, and we’re all remote so for some combinations of us it was a first time in-person meeting. We did an escape room and won! Then we went out to dinner and had a really nice evening. :)

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    11. Bibliovore*

      I know this is nuts but Uniqlo has a Marimekko collab that usually sells out in my size. I had wanted the sweater dress and got it and then was on the fence. Wore it out tonight- it was perfect. Like wearing a hug.

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    12. Cookies For Breakfast*

      It’s the time of the year when a bakery Partner and I love has pecan pie in store. It’s by far their best product but they only sell it the last two weeks of November.

      We are not American and don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but pecan pie season is a tradition for us, because we love the one from this store so much. We usually get a slice each week it’s on. This week was number one :)

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    13. allathian*

      My husband’s home after a week of traveling on business, and he’s about to have another week away from home next week.

      I went to the office on Friday and our 15 year old son had been home for about an hour when I got home. He was bored so he decided to clean his room (!) and now we have two totes full of clothes he’s grown out of to donate.

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  7. Scottish Beanie*

    I’m in dilemma with a family member that is a live-in caregiver. This person does not pay much rent, but they do cook regularly. They clean sporadically, to the point where the home regularly is overrun with dog poop and trash; luckily, it’s confined to one room only, but the place often smells terrible. My opinion is that the house should be somewhat clean every day or, at least, no buildup of dog poop.

    My parent relays comments coming from them about not liking my impromptu visits because they don’t have a chance to clean up beforehand. At the same time, this person is also, apparently, resentful that I don’t visit often enough. I visit as often as I can (twice weekly) given the constraints of my job.

    My parent suffered a health episode, leaving them unable to care for themselves. For the past three years, approximately, this person has been the sole caregiver for my parent, which allows me to be able to work full-time. Without this caregiving, I’d probably have to take leave from my job and, without my job, I wouldn’t be able to afford caregiving at all.

    My parent has mentioned to me that this person‘s attitude has been very disrespectful and demeaning. I haven’t witnessed anything firsthand, but I’m already ready to essentially fire this person and kick them out. My dilemma is that I have hired outside caregivers before who have worked fabulously for a while and then have ghosted me. I have no idea how to rectify this situation and ensure that I have a reliable long-term caregiver for my parent. I’m trying to research live-in caregivers, but I don’t know how to get that started either.

    For anyone else who has been in this situation, were you able to find reliable caregiving as a single person? Also, did you have to contend with firing a family member or even kicking them out of the home? How did you do it?

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    1. Enough*

      Are there any caregiver companies around you? My MIL had 2 , 1 stayed overnight and the other was there during the day.

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      1. Scottish Beanie*

        The companies I know of cost more than twice what I can afford, and half the fees go to them and not the caregiver. Also, my parent has home health from some of these companies on a semi-weekly basis (covered by insurance) and the workers are not always reliable or timely, even though they represent caregiving companies.

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    2. WellRed*

      Does the dog belong to your parent? MacNeil you hire a cleaner short term while you sort out the bigger problem of the relative who you need to fire and evict?

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    3. EA*

      Oh this sounds so hard. When I was reading about the dog poop and cleaning issue, my first thought was hiring a cleaner. However, if the person is being rude and demeaning it’s a different story. Did your parent ask for them to stop being a caregiver? Is there any way to mediate between them? Wishing you the best.

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    5. Evan88*

      And I hate to say it and I’m sure I’ll get jumped on, but it might be time to rehome the dog. If poop is an issue, that’s not a healthy environment for anyone.

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    6. Cheap ass rolling with it*

      Caregiving is hard. You say you can’t afford live-in caregivers, but this relative is providing this. Is this relative providing caregiving for free (and has to pay rent on top of it)?

      In that case, recognize the deal that you have and make life more pleasant for the caregiver. Get rid of the dog so it’s one less life they have to take responsibility for. And if your parents is still unhappy, ask them if they want to go to assisted living or what is realistic? Because even though your parent is frustrated, but that doesn’t mean there’s a better solution.

      (I also agree that hires can be unreliable and untrustworthy.)

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    2. noname today*

      If I’m putting it off, I probably don’t want to do it this weekend (grin, or ever)—though I may admit that I do want it to be done.

      Reply ↓
  9. acmx*

    Has anyone used we buy ugly houses or open door type home buying services?
    I’m interested in your experience and why you chose that route (if you’d like to share that part).

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  10. Falling Diphthong*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    Tetris on Apple, which is–this is hard to believe–a fun, compelling story about trying to get the international distribution rights to Tetris. Captures the addictiveness of the game, and that it’s simple and easy to learn–like Wordle. Captures the mixture of monotony and wild chance that is international rights. Captures the Soviet Union teetering on the brink of collapse, and people trying to guess how to dodge.

    Just watched Deadpool and Wolverine, which was fun. But very surface level-y fun. Marvel seems to have mastered casting charismatic actors with great chemistry, and then giving them a plot along the lines “The entire world–no, all the worlds! all the worlds in all the timelines!–will end in a few hours, UNLESS we can somehow obtain a jelly doughnut. And there is a doughnut shop on the next block.”

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    1. WellRed*

      I just watched the new Alex Cross tv series on prime. It’s dark, really good acting and characters. Would definitely recommend.

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    2. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

      I just finished The Marlow Murder Club, a 4-part series on Masterpiece Theater. It was a delight – great characters and humor. I am reading the book it was based on now and it is just as good

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      1. noname today*

        We are too—watching the tv show, not reading the book. And we live it. Also we are enjoying the Moonflower murders (equal to magpie murders)!

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    3. fallingleavesofnovember*

      We’ve just started rewatching the first season of My Brilliant Friend, having recently learned the fourth season is now out. I’ve read the books and the show is pretty faithful to them, and just generally well done. The actresses they chose for the two leads, especially as little girls, are just perfect for their roles.

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  11. Jay*

    Freezer cleaning tips needed!
    I hope this isn’t too work focused for the weekend!
    I am more or less in charge of the lower half of the building I work in.
    I’m the only permanent employee there (this makes perfect sense and anyone is more than welcome to move down there any time they want, but it’s mostly storage and my job, while I very much actually enjoy most of it, often creates loud noises, large messes, and unfortunate smells. Before you ask, yes, these are the really fun parts of the job ;)
    The thing is, there is a large break room with a full kitchen down there that is used regularly around lunch time by several people, including senior management.
    In this break room there is a fridge/freezer.
    The freezer smells like rotting vegetables.
    I’ve taken everything out of there but a plate filled with baking soda (to maximize surface area), I’ve cleaned and scrubbed it. I’ve bleached it. I really don’t think I can get it much cleaner.
    The smell hasn’t gone away.
    Right now, I’m the only one who has noticed this, but, sooner or later, someone up the food chain is bound to.
    Then it will become a formal part of my job, instead of something I can bang my head against when I’ve got 10 minutes.
    It’s going to end up eating into my day in ways I don’t need.
    So how do I make a freezer stop smelling like rotten broccoli, when there is no broccoli in there or in the fridge?

    Reply ↓
    1. Indolent Libertine*

      You need some deodorizer sacs that are filled with activated charcoal. They can work wonders. Also be sure that you’ve thoroughly cleaned the gasket around the door; if the smell has permeated that material, the gasket might have to be replaced.

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      1. RLC*

        There are also deodorizer sacs filled with volcanic rock (I think it’s pumice); non toxic and rechargeable. I’ve had excellent results using them in vintage cars that smelt of mildew and cigarette smoke.

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    2. Just Another Cog*

      I wonder if there is mold somewhere that you might have missed. Maybe the door seal? Those can get pretty gross.

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      1. Just Another Cog*

        Also, maybe just pull it out and make sure there isn’t a dead rodent or rotten food under or behind the unit.

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  12. Nibbles*

    I want to plan a holiday party for my friends but I’m having trouble thinking of a theme or activity to base it around, like I usually like to do with parties. We’ve done white elephant and Secret Santa gift swaps, cookie bake off, and gingerbread house building. I was toying with the idea of a holiday themed murder mystery. Any other suggestions?

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    2. Fergus Lastname*

      I wonder if there would be a holiday themed escape room in a box? I did one of those (not holiday themed) before and it was fun.

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  14. Coffee*

    Last minute Thanksgiving guests are vegetarians. I regularly cook vegetarian food but none of it feels quite right for Thanksgiving, so I would love suggestions for a vegetarian entree!

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    1. Bluebell Brenham*

      Stuffed roast squash, or some sort of veggie mix wrapped in a puff pastry both look really nice on the table. I’m a fishatarian, so if I go to friends’ houses and they are serving turkey, I love eating all the sides and saving room for pie!

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    2. word nerd*

      A lentil wellington? An entire roasted cauliflower (which is gorgeous too, but it does take a long time in the oven)?

      I’m vegetarian, and I would really appreciate if I went to a Thanksgiving dinner and the stuffing and gravy were vegetarian. They’re some of my favorite classics that I think are pretty easy to make vegetarian versions of and that meat-eaters usually don’t mind having too.

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    4. Pop*

      I absolutely love the blog The First Mess, and she really shines with cozy food. She’s got a great roundup of Thanksgiving options with a number of delicious mains, including a butternut squash galette (which I’ll be making!), a roasted cauliflower, some lentil dishes, etc.

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    5. RM*

      Essentially a vegetarian meatloaf, this cheese and nut loaf has a very traditional American Thanksgiving flavor and goes well with the typical sides. The trick is to use some smoked cheese like smoked Gouda or smoked cheddar and a sharp cheddar or other strong flavored cheese. My mom also puts a bit of smoked paprika and extra garlic. I don’t have a good veg gravy recipe handy but they are out there! https://www.thedailyspud.com/2008/12/22/going-nuts-at-christmas/

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  15. Fictionalized Reality*

    Sometimes when I’m reading or watching a story, I have trouble “suspending disbelief” when a plot element of “realistic fiction” does not seem realistic to me. Two recent plot elements I wonder about:

    In the new tv series “Matlock,” the main character is working for a law firm in hopes of uncovering evidence of some dastardly doings in the firm that caused the opioid crisis. That they covered something up and abetted the problem. But, I dont understand what lawyers could have to do with causing the opioid crisis. If they were defending drug manufacturers, wouldn’t the rules have required them to keep quiet about their crimes anyway? What could she hope to discover that isn’t just lawyers lawyering? (It’s an interesting show that I’m enjoying but I’m baffled.)

    Next up: I recently read (listened to) a Jack Reacher prequel novel, set in the 90s when he was still in the army. A major plot point was that someone was trying to find out the names of 8 people who had been in a work team together 30 years prior. Each of the former team persons was being targeted and interrogated to find out the other names. My question is… who remembers the full names of people you worked with 30 years ago? Is that a reasonable expectation? Geez, sometimes when I was a manager of a team of 8, I couldn’t remember them all, while setting up a schedule for example. I’d do a head count to make sure I got everyone. Right now I could give many first names of people I worked with 10 or 20 years ago. But full names, 30 years ago? I don’t think even under threat and torture I could name eight people. Especially if the task was to name all eight and know if one was missing.
    All fictional and I know that no one is likely to interrogate me for this specialized information, but, do you remember detailed info like this from so long ago? Am I an outlier, or how far out am I?

    As for Matlock, can lawyers be that dastardly or is that just being lawyers?

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    1. Jay*

      I can’t speak to memory and names.
      I’ve forgotten my own once or twice.
      But lawyers can absolutely break the law doing “lawyer stuff”.
      I don’t mean this to be a political statement, it’s just something that was in the news a lot lately and will be easy to look up: Rudy Giuliani was disbarred recently in DC because he went past zealous advocate into criminal territory.

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      1. Retirednow*

        I really like the new Matlock and so far I’ve gone along with her, looking for information that the law firm may have done something that contributed to the crisis. But I basically watch it because kathy Bates is amazing!

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  16. Wings On My Feet*

    I am thinking of going to Amsterdam for an event at the end of April. The country has never been high on my bucket list so I’m not sure what else is there to do. Anything you’d recommend as a tourist in Amsterdam? Or any tips for traveling there?

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    1. BellaStella*

      The Netherlands os a pretty place. You will see tulips and can see museums, the Dutch masters painters, interesting canals and the North Sea. Go to NordWeg for sea and beach.

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    2. Kaleidoscope*

      have you googled?
      I did a guided walking tour, visited Anne Frank’s house and generally wandered around. went to the Rijksmuseum.
      It’s also tulip season when you go.

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    3. Silent E*

      I used to live there! There are lots of lovely cultural things to do there.
      As others mentioned, it’ll be tulip season, and the Keukenhof will be open while you are there; go if you can (it’s a ways from Amsterdam). Their website will have details on how to get there and opening times. It’s beautiful and has lots to see and do and you can see more of the countryside on the way there and back.
      The Anne Frank House is very moving and interesting. I loved to take visitors there and then treat them to a Dutch pannenkoek (pancake – not like the American ones!) at the nearby Pancake Bakery. Both the sweet and savory ones are delicious.
      Take a canal tour.
      Visit the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh Museum (highly recommend both; pay for the audio tour at the VG museum!). You can book tickets online to avoid having to stand in line. I would skip the Rembrandt museum unless you are a true fan; others have loved it, but I found it less interesting than the others and expensive for what you get.
      Less obvious things to do:
      I always love browsing a grocery store when visiting places. There are many just off the main tourist are of the Damrak near the Central Station. Grab a snack or sandwiches and find a bench near a canal or in a park.
      Grab a seat at a cafe on a canal and enjoy the people and the views.
      Take a walking tour of the city. There are many possibilities online; guided or self-guided.
      The Hema on the Nieuwendijk I think still has a decent café on the third floor (no terrace, but often not busy outside of meal hours) where you can get typical Dutch treats (like tompouce) at a reasonable price.
      If you are there with companions, try an Indonesian rijsttafel. Those usually require at least 2 people. Kantjil en de Tijger is a great place for that. If you are by yourself, there are still other delicious dishes to try there.
      Find a neighborhood snack bar (away from the touristy areas) and try Belgian fries with frites saus and other dips, shoarma/shwarma, and a kroket with veal, but skip the burgers. Febo is a popular chain, but the small independent snack bars are often better quality.
      Try some smoked herring! It is a seasonal treat often sold from little food trucks or tents on the main streets.
      Do you like cats? There is a floating cat shelter in Amsterdam called De Poezenboot (cat boat). They have limited hours but it’s a fun place. I’ll post a link to their website in a reply to my own comment. Click the flag at the top right of their website for English.
      Travel tips:
      Take precautions against pickpockets.
      Be wary if someone offers to help you (without you asking) with things like ticket vending machines. Please stay on the sidewalks and do not walk in the bicycle lanes. Look *both* ways before crossing a bike lane. Cyclists are fast, aggressive, and do not always obey traffic laws (they often run red lights).
      Note there is a difference between a café and a coffee shop.
      I hope you have a fantastic trip!

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    4. Cookies For Breakfast*

      I visited Amsterdam with my partner for what I still consider the best birthday ever. It was pre-pandemic, so hope the places I mention are still open.

      We loved the film museum just on the other side of the river, we turned up and managed to catch a Scorsese exhibition we hadn’t known about before. Didn’t love the cat boat: it’s small and was crowded when we visited, we got the impression the cats were frazzled. But I’m still glad to have gone, as I’m a cat person and had to know what it was all about.

      My absolute highlight was hiring a bike for a day and cycling outside the city. We went to Zanse Schaans to see the windmills. It was a super fun ride on flat cycling routes (this is crucial as I have a hard time cycling uphill!), I’d definitely do more cycling if I were to go back.

      My second highlight was the Van Gogh museum (didn’t have time for the Rijksmuseum or Anne Frank house which was a shame).

      I was recommended the restaurant Winkel 43 for excellent apple pie, and am passing that on because I loved it (the savoury food not so memorable, but omg, that pie). And another must for me was eating stroopwafel, which I did everywhere possible (brought some home from a neighbourhood bakery, they were lovely).

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  18. Silent E*

    I used to live there! There are lots of lovely cultural things to do there.
    As others mentioned, it’ll be tulip season, and the Keukenhof will be open while you are there; go if you can (it’s a ways from Amsterdam). Their website will have details on how to get there and opening times. It’s beautiful and has lots to see and do and you can see more of the countryside on the way there and back.
    The Anne Frank House is very moving and interesting. I loved to take visitors there and then treat them to a Dutch pannenkoek (pancake – not like the American ones!) at the nearby Pancake Bakery. Both the sweet and savory ones are delicious.
    Take a canal tour.
    Visit the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh Museum (highly recommend both; pay for the audio tour at the VG museum!). You can book tickets online to avoid having to stand in line. I would skip the Rembrandt museum unless you are a true fan; others have loved it, but I found it less interesting than the others and expensive for what you get.
    Less obvious things to do:
    I always love browsing a grocery store when visiting places. There are many just off the main tourist are of the Damrak near the Central Station. Grab a snack or sandwiches and find a bench near a canal or in a park.
    Grab a seat at a cafe on a canal and enjoy the people and the views.
    Take a walking tour of the city. There are many possibilities online; guided or self-guided.
    The Hema on the Nieuwendijk I think still has a decent café on the third floor (no terrace, but often not busy outside of meal hours) where you can get typical Dutch treats (like tompouce) at a reasonable price.
    If you are there with companions, try an Indonesian rijsttafel. Those usually require at least 2 people. Kantjil en de Tijger is a great place for that. If you are by yourself, there are still other delicious dishes to try there.
    Find a neighborhood snack bar (away from the touristy areas) and try Belgian fries with frites saus and other dips, shoarma/shwarma, and a kroket with veal, but skip the burgers. Febo is a popular chain, but the small independent snack bars are often better quality.
    Try some smoked herring! It is a seasonal treat often sold from little food trucks or tents on the main streets.
    Do you like cats? There is a floating cat shelter in Amsterdam called De Poezenboot (cat boat). They have limited hours but it’s a fun place. I’ll post a link to their website in a reply to my own comment. Click the flag at the top right of their website for English.
    Travel tips:
    Take precautions against pickpockets.
    Be wary if someone offers to help you (without you asking) with things like ticket vending machines. Please stay on the sidewalks and do not walk in the bicycle lanes. Look *both* ways before crossing a bike lane. Cyclists are fast, aggressive, and do not always obey traffic laws (they often run red lights).
    Note there is a difference between a café and a coffee shop.
    I hope you have a fantastic trip!

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  19. SparklingBlue*

    Gaming thread! What are you playing now? What have you played lately? Both video games and board games welcome!

    As for me, I’m working my way through The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom–I finally opened the ice temple after hours trying to figure out how to GET there.

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  20. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

    Thanksgiving complaint thread.

    My mom is “very disappointed with me” because I’m not going to visit her for Thanksgiving. I have to work the day after. She can’t fathom the idea that someone might have to work the day after Thanksgiving. I pointed out that if I was in food service, retail, hospitality, travel, medical, agriculture, childcare, etc. then I would also be working Thanksgiving. She dismissed that because I don’t work in those fields, I work in education. Therefore, it’s impossible for any education and education adjacent field to work the day after.

    She also seems to think it would be easy for me to just pack up my computer and monitor and haul it all to her house and spend 8 hours training new hires on a video conference call in a place with 0.5 Mbps speed internet.

    The only reason I’m even working day after is because the original Thanksgiving plans were to have it here so I picked up an extra project. I found out a week ago that the rest of the family decided to change the plans and I guess didn’t think I needed to know until it was too late. I can’t back out of the project now and if I don’t work day after, I also don’t get holiday pay. And as much as I’d like to get up at 3am for a four hour drive to help cook and then turn around and drive back home so I can get to work at 7am the next day, I’ll pass.

    Reply ↓
    1. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

      Also, I don’t even like Thanksgiving. It’s my least favorite holiday, which is saying something because I very much loathe Valentine’s and that holiday at least has the decency to have half-price candy the day after. My household’s tradition for the day is spouse makes crawfish etouffee and I put the dishes in the dishwasher and we all watch a terrible spy movie from the 60s.

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    2. WS*

      I think the key to that one is to let her have her feelings, and disengage from the conversation. She can be “very disappointed” all she likes, it’s not going to change reality. Don’t try to justify yourself, because she doesn’t want to be reasonable, she wants to sulk.

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  21. Lionheart26*

    I have a qn about room-mates. I live with my husband and we rent out another room. I’m the only woman, I’m also the only one of the 3 or us who works from home.
    Naturally, being home all day means that I use the house more and a greater share of the housework falls to me. But over time I’ve noticed it’s ALL falling to me, and I’m becoming resentful.
    I’m having trouble figuring out what seems fair. For example, I use the kitchen at lunch, so of course if there are breakfast dishes in the sink, I need to wash them. I don’t like the assumption that I’ll always wash the breakfast dishes, but also, I know what breakfast rush is like, and if I had to get to the office I’d probably leave my dishes in the sink till after work too. I understand that its only me that needs the sink clear at midday, so it’s fair for me to wash those.
    But you could argue that for almost everything. My room mates have commutes, so they have less time to scrub the bathrooms etc etc. It makes sense, but I don’t want to clean the bathroom for them, and I don’t like the gendered division of labor happening in the house.
    What’s a fair division of housework? and how can I communicate it with them?

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    1. Kaleidoscope*

      I assume they tidy up after themselves at their workplaces. I don’t know why they can’t at home or why you can’t just wash your own lunch dishes?

      I work part time and my partner works full time but we do roughly the same amount of housework despite the difference in (paid) work hours. Time to call a house meeting and discuss what housework going forward looks like – do you take turns? does someone become responsible for e.g taking out the bins? do you collectively pay for a cleaner once a week?

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    2. WS*

      If things are falling to you, other things can fall to them. Like, maybe you’re doing their breakfast dishes, so they can clean the bathroom. Before you get to exploding stage, you need to discuss this with them and make a division. The fact that you’re working from home doesn’t mean your job is cleaning the house. It doesn’t have to be perfectly divided, but it does need to be equitable.

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  22. Lee*

    I know this doesn’t answer the main question, but do you have a dishwasher? Because, if so, they don’t have time to put their dishes in?
    I guess to me that also sort of answers the question as well.
    You can say what you want about the morning commute, but when people aren’t living alone, they need to practice some kind of care about the people they live with.
    Why is it OK to leave dishes because you work from home? If you didn’t work from home, would anyone want to come to a sink full of dishes before dinner? If you live alone, fine, do what you want, otherwise it should just be part of their morning routine.

    Sure, it might be missed on occasion, but should be noted, apologized for, and the person should offer maybe to make it up to you later, maybe by doing more of the dishes that aren’t just theirs at dinner or something?

    I don’t think that behavior is respectful and I’d have a big problem with it too. you aren’t the maid. I agree that a meeting should take place.

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  23. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading and give or request recs.

    I read This Animal Body by Meredith Walters. I can’t say that I recommend it exactly; it was very clearly written to push a specific viewpoint and agenda and the story took a back seat to that. But it was pleasant and light and a good read after the last few difficult weeks, and I was able to finish it, which hasn’t been the case for other books recently.

    Reply ↓

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