the star guest got drunk at an event I was hosting

by Alison Green on October 28, 2024

A reader writes:

I’m in a position where I do some industry event hosting and public interviewing. I don’t arrange any of the events, I’m just a speaker/host (I work in a related field too, but these gigs are freelance and paid separately.)

I had agreed to interview someone very prestigious in their field who was launching a new product. It was a big event with paid tickets, with the expectation that quotes from the interview would be used for content, promotion, and publicity. I’ve worked with the PR company who were handling it on similar events and it’s all been fine.

At this recent event, I turned up 15 minutes before the interview, as requested. The VIP, who I’ll call Lee, arrived and seemed a little tipsy but in good humor (it was an evening event in a venue with a bar so while being tipsy obviously is not great, it wasn’t like they were morning-drinking at an office.) I asked if they wanted to go over the interview questions, they said no and that they’d go with the flow on stage, and seemed fine.

Alison, I went to the bathroom and in that time (literally about four minutes) Lee had downed a full glass of wine and started gulping down another. The PR people were all present and laughing away like it was a party — one of them was the person who got Lee the drinks from the venue’s bar. I was immediately worried this would be a mess but Lee is an adult surrounded by their publicity people who weren’t saying anything, so I said nothing. For what it’s worth, there would be some allowance for this person to lean into some “creative genius” eccentricity if they were still interesting and articulate, so I was hoping that would be the case.

It was not.

I went on stage, gave Lee a nice introduction, and they came on stage — and it unsurprisingly and rapidly went very wrong. Lee couldn’t articulate themselves, started getting frustrated at themselves, and I could tell they were about to start crying. I pivoted the discussion to some audience feedback on the need for the new product, early reviews, etc, just to give Lee a few moments to breathe. As an audience member was speaking, I quietly asked Lee if they wanted me to wrap it up, but they said they wanted to hear some more feedback. I vamped a little with the audience, but I could see that Lee was not getting any more composed and the audience was aware. I tried to wrap it up as elegantly as I could, at which point Lee started audibly getting emotional, saying they’d ruined the event. The PR reps ushered Lee back to their hotel, only mentioning to me on the way out that Lee hadn’t eaten anything before drinking, had been very anxious about the event, and had a hugely stressful week.

I feel mortified and a bit sick. I feel like I unwillingly participated in someone who has a drinking issue, major anxiety, or both being shoved in front of a crowd when they were in a bad state. I’ve never been in that position before and feel like I should have tried to say something in the three minutes we had before going on stage, or maybe ended the “interview” more quickly. By the time we’d started, I was genuinely trying to figure out how to give the product some attention and discussion while not drawing attention to Lee’s behavior — but in retrospect I think it was so obvious to the audience that Lee was drunk that I should have just got them off the stage immediately, rather than have them continue to sit on stage for 15 minutes.

It’s so obvious that Lee was not in a good space that I can’t be angry at them, I just feel sad for them — but I am annoyed at the PR team for not flagging Lee’s anxiety with me and for giving them two drinks within literally five minutes right before we were going on stage. Apart from Lee’s welfare, I’m also worried that I looked unprofessional to the audience and like the discomfort of the event is going to fall on me, and, as I’m freelance, that’s a big deal for me in terms of future jobs.

I’m not sure if anything needs to be said to the PR company. They’re obviously aware it did not go to plan for them or the product launch, so sending a message afterwards feels possibly like stating the obvious?

We had also agreed on a fee in advance which was on the assumption that I would have a 45-minute interview with Lee, which obviously did not happen. Should I still expect the full amount? I did all my research and preparation and arrived ready to do my job, but I know they didn’t get what they needed. I don’t know what is fair to expect, payment-wise?

You should be paid for the job you agreed to do. You set aside time and prepared and came ready to do the work, and then you rolled with a very difficult situation very gracefully. Nothing here warrants a reduction in your fee.

In your shoes, I’d call your contact at the PR company and say you wanted to touch base about the event and check on Lee. It’ll be clear why you’re concerned, and your contact should have some kind of commentary on what happened that should naturally bring you to more of a point of closure about the event. But if for some reason they don’t do that, you could say, “That was a tough situation to handle — is there anything I could have done differently on my end to smooth that over? I had asked Lee if they wanted to wrap up early and they didn’t so I tried to pivot to the product, but I think it was just a rough situation for everyone to navigate.” This is really just about helping things feel more wrapped up, since it’s weird if no one talks to you about it.

But from there you should send your normal invoice and assume they will pay it. It would be really crappy of them to balk at that, just like it would be crappy if they balked at paying you because a VIP got food poisoning on stage and had to cut the night short or anything else that short-circuited an on-stage interview.

You may also like:
{ 125 comments }

{ 125 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Antilles*

    You should absolutely send your invoice for your full and normal fee. You did everything in your power to address the situation as best you could and it’s not on you that the guest wasn’t properly professional.

    Reply ↓
    1. Sloanicota*

      I’ve been in a similar but less-dramatic version of this situation a few times as a freelancer – I agreed and prepared for a full-day engagement, then changes on their end altered what ended up happening. I always bill as planned without comment. If they want to push back, they’re welcome to, but no one ever has. I mean, as a regular person I’m often billed for things I booked and then flubbed (doctors appointments I forget, concerts I can’t make it to, non-refundable flights I already paid for).

      Reply ↓
    2. tina turner*

      Agree. But I don’t see that LW asked the PR staff if they realized Lee was blotto. I’d bring it up, but then it’s. not LW’s choice what happens.

      Reply ↓
  2. leslie knope*

    Worth remembering that the PR company isn’t just one person, and there can/should be professional consequences for someone who was in charge of ensuring the principal performed their contractual duties and instead got them drunk. Since you say you’ve had great experiences with the company before, hopefully they are already on top of it, but you are definitely not stating the obvious by reaching out (and you may want to restate expectations of them if you work together in the future).

    Reply ↓
    1. Typity*

      Well, no one “got them drunk” — though it sure sounds like neglecting to bring that last glass of wine would have been wiser. One would think PR pros would be a little quicker on the uptake about what was happening.

      Reply ↓
      1. fhqwhgads*

        last two glasses, within a 5 minute span
        Yeah doesn’t read to me like Lee necessarily has a drinking problem, although of course that’s possible. Reads like someone at the PR company decided “Lee is nervous about the event so I should hand them drinks until they’re no longer nervous”.
        ‘Course mentioning the nervousness could’ve been a cover for excessive drinking. No way to know from here whether what happened was Lee got soused on their own and PR flacks didn’t cut it off or PR flacks were continually handing Lee drinks intentionally.

        Reply ↓
      2. mreasy*

        If the talent wants to get drunk, they will find a way to get drunk, with or without their handlers’ help. Trust me on this.

        Reply ↓
        1. Observer*

          Yeah, but that’s not what happened here. The PR reps actively and apparently happily helped them get drunk. And *clearly* did not realize or ignored the fairly obvious signs that there might be a problem here.

          That is completely on them.

          Reply ↓
          1. MassMatt*

            Pushing back on this a bit because while the PR people were irresponsible and perhaps negligent, the ultimate responsibility it Lee’s. He was the one drinking, he was the one who insisted on going onstage, waved off the attempts to end it early, etc. That’s on him.

            LW did nothing wrong here, and was in a really tough position.

            The PR agency and/or the conference organizers need to make this up to the attendees who paid to attend this fiasco. They were promised an event and Q/A with a significant industry player and they didn’t get it.

            I don’t know how best to do that–issue an apology? Issue refunds? But pretending nothing happened and keeping their money is a bad look.

            I know someone who attended a very expensive industry event whose selling point was the ability to access a major industry VIP. The VIP in question did not show in person but gave a pre-recorded speech on video–and this is post-pandemic. It could at least have been a remote event with Q+A, but no.

            People paid thousands of dollars to attend this conference, some flying in from overseas. There was no apology or even acknowledgment of complaints from the organizers, who were mystified that attendance plummeted the following year. Yeah, Fyre Fest 2 is not going to pull in big $, surprised Pikachu face.

            Reply ↓
          2. mreasy*

            Yeah, they probably knew he would storm off if they didn’t … not a good situation regardless and ideally the PR folks would have tried to avert it sooner.

            Reply ↓
      3. Nice cup of tea*

        I disagree.

        Although he is an adult, it was the specific job of the PR company to look after someone who they knew was anxious.

        Giving him alcohol on an empty stomach instead of fetching him some food was their first mistake. Continued provision of more and more alcohol amd no food definitely made it their mistake.

        Their job was to provide the speaker in a fit state to speak.

        Reply ↓
        2. Cmdrshprd*

          “Their job was to provide the speaker in a fit state to speak.”

          Idk about that, it maybe have been their job to provide a speaker and put the event on, I think the job to provide a speaker in a fit state rests on the speaker paid for the engagement. IMO it sounds like you think the PR company’s job was to babysit Lee. Unless this is someone who is a known alcoholic, and to not show up for events, so babysitting is par for the course, I don’t think it was the PR companies responsibility to babysit Lee.

          Lee is an adult, they should know drinking on an empty stomach is not good, and not to have too much.

          I would not presume to know someone else’s limits and get them a drink and/or ask if they want one unless they are visibly falling over drunk.

          Reply ↓
          1. Observer*

            I would not presume to know someone else’s limits and get them a drink and/or ask if they want one unless they are visibly falling over drunk.

            That’s all good and fine in a social situation, maybe. But when it’s *your whole job* to help someone look good, you have an affirmative responsibility to be on the lookout for stuff like this.

            Reply ↓
          2. leslie knope*

            Having worked with PR teams a lot, they are responsible for ensuring the client is appropriately prepped to succeed at the event. Things like arriving on time, knowing the context of the event, appropriately dressed, and yes — sober and able to perform the contracted tasks would generally fall under this. Of course Lee has personal responsibility in this, but common to expect far less of the talent and far more of the support team when dealing with someone famous.

            Reply ↓
            1. Elbe*

              This is my impression of the job, too.

              In general, it’s not common for someone to be responsible for another adult in this way (making sure someone is dressed well and arriving on time), but I do think that it becomes someone’s responsibility when that is what they are hired for. They can’t physically remove the drink from Lee’s hand, but it is their job to let Lee know that they are getting too drunk to do their job, and that it will reflect poorly on them, etc. If the PR person was properly discouraging Lee with appropriate vehemence, the LW likely would have heard it.

              Reply ↓
          3. Kevin Sours*

            If Lee goes and gets blotto that’s on Lee. But there’s a difference between not tackling Lee when they head towards the bar and getting them another glass of wine instead of saying “You realize you’re on stage in five minutes, right?”.

            Part of the job is walking people who aren’t used to doing media through the process.

            Reply ↓
        3. a*

          Where is the anxiety thing coming from? The speaker could have about thousands reasons to get drunk ranging from short term stressor to long term full alcoholism.

          Reply ↓
          1. Kevin Sours*

            That was OP’s read but the phrasing of it is somewhat speculative. I wouldn’t go hard into “the PR people clearly knew”. On the other hand it’s kind of their job to make sure the client is in a state to go on stage (and pull the plug if they aren’t) and I’m looking a little side eye at them getting Lee two drinks in five minutes when Lee was already a little tipsy.

            Reply ↓
    2. Another freelancer*

      Agreed. Not sure if this is the case, but OP may work with some members of the PR team before an event and different members of the same team during the event. So the people in charge of planning may have received a very edited version of Lees behavior from the team members at the event. In OPs shoes, I’d want the people from the pr firm I normally work with to hear my take, especially if they were not at the event.

      Reply ↓
    3. Reba*

      Send in your bill and afterward, or in the same email, ask if they would be open to a debrief meeting. Maybe they will just want to move on, but all involved here know that the event didn’t go swimmingly, so having a chat about lessons learned would not be unusual IME.

      Reply ↓
    1. Jennifer Strange*

      I also hope they dump their PR team. Not saying Lee didn’t already have issues with alcohol, but the PR team should have been helping them sober up, not helping them indulge more.

      Reply ↓
      1. MsM*

        Yeah, I feel like that warrants a discussion with their higher-ups, or OP’s own company before they hire them on for anything again.

        Reply ↓
        1. Slow Gin Lizz*

          Yes, this. Lee’s own PR team 100% should have been on the ball here and not allowed Lee onstage if Lee was visibly drunk. OP, you sound like you did a fantastic job pivoting to audience feedback instead of putting Lee on the spot more, and I don’t think you could have done anything differently aside from maaaaaybe asking Lee and their team if you could reschedule at the last minute, but that would have been equally as dramatic and frustrating (though maybe saved Lee some face?).

          It sounds like this is a freelance gig for you, OP, so you only would be dealing with the PR firm and don’t have any higher ups on your side (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong), but if that PR firm is worth their salt at all, their response to this situation would be complete mortification and humility. You should definitely get in touch with someone higher up in the company than the team who was at the event and tell them what happened, and if they don’t immediately apologize and offer to make sure it never happens again, then yes, you should drop them as clients.

          What a sad and frustrating situation for all involved, though.

          Reply ↓
          1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

            Question about “maaaaaybe asking Lee and their team if you could reschedule at the last minute, but that would have been equally as dramatic and frustrating.” Not trying to be mercenary, but if OP did politely bow out to protect the speaker, while everyone is grateful in the moment for the solution, how would that play out long term for OP?
            Particularly after reading another comment about how the post mortem notes to the PR company could have been edited, would OP get paid? Would there be people down stream who only heard that OP canceled? I can’t imagine the PR team sharing “Lee got plastered so OP stepped up,” too far down from head office.

            Reply ↓
            1. Slow Gin Lizz*

              Well, I’ve added a couple of comments on other threads below about how much easier it is after the fact to see other possible actions in the moment, but how in the moment when it’s happening and you don’t have all the information, it’s pretty much impossible to figure out a best course of action.

              So, anyway, this is all Monday morning quarterbacking (to steal Sloanicota’s phrase), but if OP did cancel or postpone the event, they absolutely could have claimed that Lee had some kind of last-minute health crisis or even non-specific emergency. But yeah, Not Tom, that would have made things a LOT more complicated for OP WRT billing and getting paid. And it wouldn’t have been a great solution either, because the audience probably would have been pissed that they’d paid for the event and transportation to and from the event, etc., and now it’s getting moved to a different night when they have to pay for transportation again. And maybe they wouldn’t have been able to reschedule, which would mean that the event organizers would have to refund everyone’s tickets.

              So, yeah, not an ideal solution either, is my point.

              Reply ↓
            2. Jellyfish Catcher*

              It’s Lee’s team who prep and manage him backstage, up until the onstage presentation. This is prep for the gig, transportation, arrival, directions, and managing any negative issues to make the presenter calm and successful.

              The OP is Not hired for any of the above.
              Their task is on stage: positive support and interaction with the speaker, supporting them in the presentation, and interacting with the audience to create a smooth, positive interesting interview, hopefully an enjoyable evening for all.
              Imho, the backstage folks screwed over the interviewer, leaving her high and dry, when they added more alcohol to what they knew would be a disaster.
              Yeah, she deserves her normal payment – along with another 10-20% more and a decent apology.

              Reply ↓
              1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

                Thank you. I see this, too. And I hope OP does as well and stops feeling like was anything within the paygrade/under the purview of “interviewer/host”

                Reply ↓
    2. GammaGirl1908*

      As I was reading this and cringing, I was reminded of a review I once read of an Amy Winehouse concert, where, frankly, you can imagine how it went if I’m mentioning it.

      The writer ended by saying something like, “I’m not comfortable giving this event a star rating, as it obviously exploited a troubled individual and should not have gone ahead.”

      Yikes.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bruce*

        Back in the early 90s my own CEO invited a bunch of us to fill a table at a dinner where he was getting an award. He was not as drunk as Lee in this story but he was pretty self-indulgent, and he bragged about sacrificing his marriage to his job and then called on us at the company table to raise our hands if we’d gotten a divorce while working for him. I happily did not need to raise my hand, but more than half of the others did… and I was glad my wife was not there!

        Reply ↓
    3. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

      It’s always a good thing to reflect on what happened and how to handle things differently next time. That being said, you were not Lee’s babysitter, LW. Lee is an adult who made choices. The PR staff are adults who made choices. You didn’t have the power or authority to save them from themselves. From what I can tell, you did the best you could to keep things from going totally off the rails. The only possible thing you could have said in that 3 minutes was “hey, you’re drunk AF and this is a terrible idea because everyone is going to be able to tell and you’re going to embarrass yourself,” and who knows if that could have made any difference.

      Reply ↓
      1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

        It’s also direct as hell, which may not be your style and could have negative consequences. I mean, persuading Lee not to go out there could have gotten you in more trouble.

        Reply ↓
  4. Anonymouse*

    “It’s so obvious that Lee was not in a good space that I can’t be angry at them, I just feel sad for them”

    This kind of thinking may *seem* compassionate but in fact is far from it. Alcoholics/people with drinking problems are entirely accountable for their own nonsense, and you’re not helping them by feeling “sad for them” for choices they made knowingly.

    Reply ↓
    2. FrogEngineer*

      Lee was clearly miserable even if they chose a horrible way to cope with it. I think compassion is entirely warranted here, and it’s not like it’s OP’s job to hold Lee accountable or anything.

      Reply ↓
      1. Anonymouse*

        As someone who works with addicts in recovery I could not possibly disagree more. Who cares that they were miserable — they made the wrong choice and need to be held accountable for it.

        Nothing slows an addicts recovery like qualifying or parsing away their accountability for their own choices.

        Reply ↓
        1. Antilles*

          How does that matter in terms of advice for OP though? OP isn’t Lee’s spouse, relative, friend, co-worker, neighbor, or literally any other sort of connection to Lee. How exactly would OP be able to “hold Lee accountable”?

          Reply ↓
    3. Tobias Funke*

      LW is…talking about how they feel? LW seething (which appears to be what you’re suggesting they should be doing) doesn’t get Lee help either.

      Reply ↓
      1. Anonymouse*

        Sometimes feelings are wrong. Soft attitudes like this make my job much harder. Take it from a pro – the kindest thing you can do for a drunk is to hold them accountable for their bad choices.

        Reply ↓
        3. AMH*

          With all due respect, I think your closeness to addiction treatment is making you rush over people’s responses, here. LW is not in a position to hold Lee responsible for anything, and them feeling compassion for someone suffering does not equal a soft attitude.

          Reply ↓
        4. Eldritch Office Worker*

          No, the actions of people with soft attitudes make your job much harder. Individual, private feelings don’t impact your job at all. Unless you’re a psychologist in which case that’s money in your pocket.

          Reply ↓
        1. GingerNinja*

          But we don’t know that Lee is an addict/alcoholic. I completely understand your POV and agree with you when you know you’re working with addicts, but neither LW or the commentariat has that background info on Lee.

          Reply ↓
    6. Antilles*

      I think it’s perfectly reasonable for OP to feel sympathy about Lee’s struggles, even if those struggles are partly/largely their own fault.
      That said, that line stops at “sympathy”. OP doesn’t need to feel the slightest bit of guilt about how Lee came off because that’s on Lee and their team. It’s on Lee that failed to admit they weren’t mentally ready for the interview, it’s on the PR company that failed to prepare their hired star guest was ready, and it’s certainly on Lee’s handlers/whoever that (apparently) kept bringing them more wine. OP bears zero responsibility and zero guilt whatsoever for what went down.

      Reply ↓
    9. Pumpkin215*

      I agree. I’m also not clear on how it was determined that Lee is an alcoholic and/or has anxiety.

      Was getting drunk beforehand a good idea? Absolutely not. How does that make him an alcoholic? Does he have a history/pattern of this behavior? Or was this the first time?

      I’m not saying that the behavior in any way was ok. Most people would not behave this way. It sounds like the LW was quick to diagnose him with a problem based on it.

      Lee is responsible for his own behavior. He messed up big time and this is on him. First time or not.

      Reply ↓
        1. Tobias Funke*

          But the LW’s question isn’t even about Lee! It’s about their handling of a situation caused by Lee’s behavior. But the question is about LW!

          Reply ↓
        2. Whale I Never*

          Regardless of your position on the letter, you’re taking a really aggressive tone towards other commenters that does not feel in the spirit of this site’s commenting rules.

          Reply ↓
    10. a clockwork lemon*

      Feeling sad is a pretty normal reaction when you’re a bystander to someone going off the rails due to a circumstance of their own making, especially when the alternative is feeling angry that all your hard work was wasted because of someone else’s poorly managed mental illness.

      It’s not actually OP’s job to help a stranger who embarrassed themselves in a very public way. OP doesn’t know Lee, they just had the unfortunate experience of running the event where Lee had a public meltdown. OP doesn’t have standing to do anything other than make sure the invoice gets paid on time and in full and maybe ask if Lee is okay.

      Reply ↓
    11. Liz the Snackbrarian*

      But LW never said, “Don’t hold alcoholics/people with drinking problems accountable.” They are simply stating that in this case they have empathy for Lee. I’m a recovering alcoholic and I don’t expect empathy from people who were hurt by my drinking. It’s very much true that people will only get into recovery when they are ready to. I’m sorry if you’ve been harmed by another person’s drinking, but I think this take is not great.

      Reply ↓
  5. CTA*

    LW, don’t feel like you put Lee in a bad situation because of Lee’s anxiety/drinking. Those are things Lee needs to handle on their own. Lee can’t show up to events tipsy and can’t proceed to get drunk and put it on you and the PR agency to handle it. There’s a line between showing compassion to Lee and enabling Lee. You showed compassion by trying your best with the situation at hand (such as checking in with lee during the interview). You didn’t enable Lee’s drinking and you didn’t do anything to make their anxiety worse.

    Reply ↓
    1. Immaterial*

      this. LW you mention feeling mortified and sick, but from your account of it, you showed up, behaved professionally and tried to make the best out of a bad situation with grace and compassion.

      You also don’t know what was going on with Lee. There are a lot of assumptions about the cause, but not a lot of info to base it on. The good news is, that’s not your responsibility here. it is kind to ask after Lee with the PR company, but your real takeaway here is if there was another way they would want you to handle it if the situation comes up again.

      Reply ↓
    2. KC*

      LW, I do want to second the point that you did your best in this situation. I think you dealt with a tricky situation with grace and compassion in the moment; given that you can’t control Lee’s emotions, I think the event as well as it possibly could have in that situation.

      Also, it’s really, really on Lee and the PR people. Lee should not have gotten drunk, and if they were that noticeably drunk, their PR team should not have sent them on stage. You held up you end of the agreement.

      Reply ↓
  6. Fluffy Fish*

    You feel bad because you’re a decent human being, but this situation isn’t on you. His PR team didn’t do their job and that resulted in Lee and you being put in a bad situation.

    This is one of those times to remind yourself that business involves humans being human but is still business. You did your job and need to be compensated for that – you’re not being callous.

    Yes to everything Alison said abotu reaching out to the PR company, but none of what went wrong is on you.

    Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      Yeah, it sounds like OP was 100% professional in this and the decision to wrap up the interview early was OP doing damage control for Lee/PR company. It wasn’t OP not fulfilling their contract- it was OP adjusting based on the needs of the day to fulfil the ultimate client goals. Sticking to the letter of the contract (conducting the full interview) would have undermined the client’s ultimate goals.

      Echoing what Fluffy Fish said- none of what went wrong is on the OP.

      Reply ↓
  7. Smurfette*

    OP you have no responsibility at all for what happened. Lee and the PR company messed up*, and you salvaged things as professionally as you could. I’m sure that was apparent to the audience as well.

    * if anything, they owe you an apology.

    Reply ↓
    2. Elbe*

      Agreed. I think that the LW is owed an apology, too. From Lee, for sure, but also from the PR company that apparently doesn’t know how to handle an anxious client. At the very least, the PR team should have warned the LW about the situation.

      Reply ↓
    1. KP*

      Agreed! And probably a review of their alcohol policy. Of course, no one forced Lee to drink more but if the PR team was on the ball, they would not have offered a visibly “tipsy” person alcohol right before getting on stage.

      Reply ↓
  9. Sloanicota*

    I’m trying to Monday-Morning Quarterback this as if it was me. Let’s say you’d tried to go with your initial gut reaction and refused to let the event proceed with Lee. You’d said he was too drunk to go onstage and you were pulling the plug. I suspect there would have been a huge amount of pushback from everyone and you definitely wouldn’t have come away looking good – you’d be thought of as the emcee who ruined the whole event! Who should have been flexible and tried to roll with it rather than acting like you could see the future (and more selfishly, you probably wouldn’t have been paid the amount you were owed, whereas now I think you can invoice it). So that suggests you made a reasonable choice in the moment. This is one of those “it’s possible to commit no mistakes and still lose” type situations, IMO.

    Reply ↓
    1. Guacamole Bob*

      Also, on Monday-morning quarterbacking: many people in this situation would be second-guessing themselves, wondering what they could have done differently, and replaying various parts of the event in their head and kicking themselves for not doing X or saying Y. That’s normal. But handling a difficult situation in public gracefully is really difficult! It sounds like you did a pretty good job in the moment, so even if you conclude it wasn’t perfect, give yourself grace that you handled it all as respectfully and reasonably as you could in a pretty challenging situation.

      Reply ↓
      1. Sloanicota*

        I know generally kick myself extra hard when I *see* something coming and it still gets me, or when I’ve had a past experience that “should have” given me better guidance. It “feels” worse than when something unforeseen blows the plan. But honestly, it’s still so often a coin toss in the moment! We are all operating in chaos all the time, especially something like live events – it’s just hard to truly accept that.

        Reply ↓
        1. Slow Gin Lizz*

          Totally! And it’s so frustrating when someone else says, “Well, if it were me, I totally would have canceled the event immediately” or whatever, and I’m like, “You don’t really know that, you have no idea how you really would have reacted.” It’s so easy to see what someone should have done after the fact with all the post-event information that we have now, but being in the middle of it as it’s happening is a completely different beast.

          Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      I suspect there would have been a huge amount of pushback from everyone and you definitely wouldn’t have come away looking good

      Exactly this. It was not on OP to decide whether or not the event continued. That was not within OP’s scope, and while OP could make recommendations based on their experience (i.e, interviewing drunk people generally doesn’t get good results), if they had tried to cancel then the PR company would have pointed the finger at OP.

      It sound like OP tried to go on as best they could, then did damage control and picked up the pieces when things inevitably went wrong. I think OP did everything right. You can’t save a client from themself.

      Reply ↓
    3. Antilles*

      I agree and I’m just going to note that even if you’d done that “refuse to let the event proceed”, canceling the event is not your decision. The event organizer and the company’s PR firm has to be the one to make that call, not the host. And in the moment, there’s zero chance they’re agreeing to that.
      The most OP could actually have done is pull a PR person to the side with a quick “so uh, is Lee good? seems a little out of it”. But even if OP had done that, nothing changes because you can guarantee the PR person would have shrugged it off with nah just nerves, nothing to worry about.

      Reply ↓
      1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

        Or even “hey, Lee is clearly drunk and this whole thing might go off the rails. What do you want to do?”

        Reply ↓
    4. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

      And it’s not like the LW could make Lee no longer be drunk! Because of decisions that Lee and the PR team made, the event wasn’t going to go off as planned. It’s not the LW’s job or responsibility to decide which of the bad options to go with.

      Reply ↓
  10. Bitte Meddler*

    Has anyone considered that Lee *isn’t* an alcoholic but, instead, might have so little experience with drinking that they didn’t know “Slamming 2-3 drinks in the same amount of minutes is a very bad idea”?

    OP, you handled this as gracefully as possible. The PR team should have tried other things to calm Lee’s nerves (like eating a cookie or something) before grabbing them several drinks; but you had no control over that.

    Reply ↓
    1. Paint N Drip*

      Frankly I don’t think there’s a need to discuss alcoholism or addiction at all. Lee had a rough night, we literally don’t know anything else and don’t need to guess.

      OP you did great! The other options were NOT good ones, you rolled with the punches and did your best to contain the chaos. You should get paid exactly what you had discussed, even if you didn’t have the time to emcee as expected the grace and skills you used while you WERE on stage were more than the job anticipated. I can’t imagine your name would come up in the ‘reasons this event went wrong’ column, I’d assume if people were talking it would be impressed with your gracious performance

      Reply ↓
    2. al jardin*

      I think a particularly insistent commenter set the tone of the comments early, so “alcoholic” is what’s subconsciously on peoples minds now when they comment, bypassing the possibility of “inexperienced”.

      Reply ↓
    3. Certaintroublemaker*

      That’s what I figured happened. Lee seemed very taken unawares by their own inability to talk or control their emotions, and taken aback by their ruining the event. I think someone at that level might also have a reputation if they do things like this regularly. Certainly the PR team wouldn’t be encouraging their drinking before going onstage if this was a regular occurrence.

      Reply ↓
    4. RagingADHD*

      I don’t think Lee has to be either an alcoholic nor a complete teetotaler to make a bad decision when flustered and overwhelmed, and if they were already tipsy on an empty stomach (as LW mentioned at the beginning of the story), they were already hampered in their decisionmaking.

      But really, Lee’s status as an addict or otherwise is irrelevant to the LW’s concern, and there is nothing for LW to do to address it.

      LW is rightfully concerned about their fee and their own professional reputation. Alison has addressed the fee. As for the professional reputation, I don’t know that there is much the LW can do to manage the impression left on the attendees. If someone brings it up, it would behoove LW not to refer to the wine, and just stick to a vague description that Lee “wasn’t feeling well” and unfortunately it was best to cut things short.

      Pretty much the only thing they can do at this point is demonstrate that they won’t gossip or badmouth interviewees after the fact.

      Reply ↓
      1. UKDancer*

        This so much. It doesn’t matter whether Lee was an alcoholic, someone anxious about the situation or someone who drank too quickly on an empty stomach without thinking about it. As you say all the OP can do is deal with it professionally and ensure they’re not badmouthing him.

        Incidentally I went to a work dinner last month with one of our partner companies. I’d not had lunch and had a glass of champagne at the pre-dinner drinks reception. I then had a second one and it went to my head really quickly and much faster than expected. So I switched to water straight away and was very careful not to drink anything else. That’s to say that alcohol can go to your head more quickly than expected, especially on an empty stomach.

        Reply ↓
    5. Observer*

      Has anyone considered that Lee *isn’t* an alcoholic but, instead, might have so little experience with drinking that they didn’t know “Slamming 2-3 drinks in the same amount of minutes is a very bad idea”?

      Yes. But the thing is that it doesn’t really matter. Lee’s behavior was a problem. Their PR team’s behavior was at least as bad. They should never have provided 2 more glasses of wine, *especially* since they know that Lee was on an empty stomach. And they should have realized that there was a real potential problem and created a plan with the LW about how to deal with it. Instead they either were too clueless to realize or chose to ignore it. Neither of which is great.

      Reply ↓
    6. Coverage Associate*

      I also get the impression that the PR people at the event were unfamiliar with Lee. This wasn’t an A list star that has an agent and an assistant and whatever other “people” they work with regularly and who attend events with them in the background. This was a creator type who hires an agency for particular events, not even the same staff event to event.

      So Lee may have lacked self knowledge and then the PR people also didn’t know how Lee handled alcohol, etc. So it’s possible that there was no professional in the event space that could have known this was going to be bad. That would have taken a friend or family member that knew Lee and events like this.

      Reply ↓
    7. Hroethvitnir*

      Yes, and I agree with the person above it doesn’t matter for the LW per se – but it is making the comments section needlessly aggravating.

      Anxious person is brought two glasses of wine within a handful of minutes by PR team sounds *at least* as likely to be a foolish attempt to alleviate anxiety as Lee (no gender included!) being an alcoholic.

      Reply ↓
  11. Slow Gin Lizz*

    Agreed! And OP, you had no way of knowing before the event that Lee was too drunk to function onstage and had anxiety about the event. You even offered to Lee a solution that might’ve helped curb their anxiety – going over the questions before going onstage – and Lee turned you down! If anything, you went above and beyond in trying to make the situation better than it was. I really don’t think you’re at all to blame here.

    Reply ↓
    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Oops, this was supposed to be in response to Sloanicota’s Monday Morning Quarterback comment, which was spot on. Hindsight is, after all, 20/20. Knowing what you know now, sure, you would’ve made different decisions, but you didn’t have all the information you needed to make that decision. If you’d known about Lee’s anxiety, for instance, you might have insisted going over the questions ahead of time, but how were you to know that? You didn’t know that Lee was unable to function having had that much alcohol, but that’s not something you could have known ahead of time.

      Reply ↓
      1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

        Agreed. I think that as the hired emcee, the LW really didn’t have the authority to insist on changing the plan. The LW isn’t one of the organizers, they’re not Lee’s PR. They’re a person hired to show up prepared and do a job. Without any authority, there’s really not much the LW could have done beyond what they did.

        Reply ↓
  12. tabloidtainted*

    Shame on the PR people for handing him drinks more when they knew he hadn’t eaten. What a thing to do to someone who you know is anxious and already visibly tipsy.

    Reply ↓
    1. Cmdrshprd*

      “Shame on the PR people for handing him drinks more when they knew he hadn’t eaten. ”

      We don’t know that entirely, they may not have known Lee was on an empty stomach at the time, but as Lee was being escorted away, Lee mentioned they had not eaten anything.

      I have had that exact situation first hand with people, one person gets a little too drunk and then mentions they are on an empty stomach.

      Reply ↓
  13. HonorBox*

    OP you were put in a really bad spot, and it sounds like you handled is remarkably well under the circumstances.

    Submit your full invoice, and do it with no second thought. Also, if your contact with the PR firm is someone different than the person/people on site, talk to your contact about this situation, because someone failed Lee, and that same person failed you. I’m not sure what exactly this event was, but it sounds like feeding a tipsy Lee two glasses of wine in quick succession also failed the audience. If it is the same person, feel free to go over their head to have that conversation. Someone needs to be held accountable for the poor way this was handled. Not in a “they need to be fired” kind of way, but there need to be better guardrails put in place to ensure the firm’s clients are put in situations in which they can succeed. And I don’t think it you need to only focus on Lee. You are a professional, and the way this was handled put you in really uncomfortable spot.

    Reply ↓
  14. Priscilla Tells It Like It Is*

    woman, get your cash, if they complain about it just be like, hm sounds like your PR problem.

    Reply ↓
  15. Observer*

    LW, I want to echo what the others are saying, and add some of my own thoughts.

    1. Bill as normal. You did your job. It was not in any way, shape or form your fault that the interview lasted less than the original planned 45 minutes.

    2. It’s ok to feel bad for Lee. But, I think it’s useful to also understand that miserable or not, their behavior was a real problem. And if nothing else, you should think about precautions you might want to take if you ever have another opportunity to work with them – or maybe refuse the opportunity unless you have some assurance that they have their issues in order. Because you can feel bad for them, but you should not take on their burden.

    3. Once you get paid, I think you should let your contact / higher ups at the PR firm know *exactly* what happened. Because Lee messed up, but so did the PR team. If they knew that he hadn’t eaten anything before the event, why were they giving them wine? Especially if they *also* knew that Lee had been very anxious about the event. They really should have pulled the plug, to be honest. But *at minimum* you would expect them to not *actively* help someone they are supposed to be promoting to get drunk. It’s not like Lee asked for wine, they tried to dissuade Lee, and then Lee threw a tantrum. The team were acting like this was all a good party. That’s nuts.

    If anything, the person who is owed an apology is you. Also, you want to make sure that in the future, whatever team you work with won’t put you into such a situation again.

    Reply ↓
  16. Vio*

    Regarding “I’m not sure if anything needs to be said to the PR company. They’re obviously aware it did not go to plan for them or the product launch, so sending a message afterwards feels possibly like stating the obvious?”
    Don’t assume that the obvious is obvious to everyone. It should be obvious to them that their staff made huge mistakes and that they are responsible for what happened. That does not mean that they will realise that. Their own employees may be too close to the situation to see their mistakes or they may deny any responsibility. Constructive criticism from an outsider, even if it seems obvious, is often invaluable.

    Reply ↓
    2. Elbe*

      It sounds like this interview was intended to generate press, and I’m kind of curious how the attendees are reacting to it. If there were reporters/bloggers/influencers in the audience, are they all choosing to not to cover such an epic blunder?

      If word of this has spread, I think that the PR firm is likely working overtime to do damage control. If not, I think it’s more likely that the people there that night (who were acting like it was a party) are trying to cover their tracks.

      Either way, I think the LW is well within their rights to send a message to the PR company asking why this happened and what was done about it.

      Reply ↓
  17. Megan C.*

    You handled this as well as you possibly could have and you deserve to be paid. You feel bad because you’re a good person but honestly none of this is your fault and you handled it as gracefully as you could. Lee is lucky that you were sensitive to what was happening and tried everything you could to deflect and distract the audience.

    Reply ↓
  18. H.C.*

    RE: 45-minute interview that didn’t pan out; if you want to be absolutely generous – you can offer to do a virtual interview with Lee. But this is entirely optional & dependent on your availability & interest in doing so, and you shouldn’t be expected to take on more work (e.g. recording/editing the footage) if that’s not part of the deal with the original interview booking.

    Reply ↓
  19. The Kulprit*

    OP you did a great job in a crappy situation, and with an audience. Lee’s behavior and the outcome sucks, but you did what you were hired to do and should bill as normal. If it were *you* who had been drinking and derailed the event, that would be different — you would have failed to fulfill your obligation. You did great OP.

    Reply ↓
  20. Hell in a Handbasket*

    If I was in the audience, I’d feel nothing but sympathy and admiration for you, OP. I believe anyone would feel the same. There is no reason at all for you to feel unprofessional or mortified.

    Reply ↓
  21. Elbe*

    I feel like I unwillingly participated in someone who has a drinking issue, major anxiety, or both being shoved in front of a crowd when they were in a bad state.

    It’s nice that the LW has compassion for Lee and that they are giving some thought to their role in this event, but I think that feeling at all responsible for the outcome is misguided. There were people here for responsible for Lee performing well (Lee and their PR team, for example) and the mistake was theirs.

    The LW pretty clearly is entitled to their fee for the evening, and I think that the LW would recognize that if they weren’t questioning themselves so much. If anything, the LW made a very professional and savvy effort to help the situation.

    Reply ↓
    1. judyjudyjudy*

      This is a minor point, but LW, you don’t know if Lee has a drinking issue or major anxiety, and it doesn’t matter either way. The advice is the same — take your full fee, and let Lee, their PR team, and the appropriate people at Lee’s company figure out what to do going forward.

      Reply ↓
  22. PixelatedPurr*

    Alison’s spot on.

    You deserve your full fee, so submit your invoice for that.

    You can optionally reach out to either check on Lee, ask to debrief the event, explain what happened from your point of view.

    In the future about the only thing I can think of is when you notice someone is potentially unable to conduct themselves well on stage you can tell them what you observe and ask them how to proceed (either directly to them or to their handlers). But at that point you have to decide if you want to go with their answer, which may have been “everything is fine” in this case.

    All in all the PR handlers messed this one up a couple times over. You did your job to the best of your ability in a bad situation.

    Reply ↓
  23. girlie_pop*

    Of all the people in this situation who are culpable for what happened, I think OP is the least so! The PR folks are…whew. I would be really upset if I was the one paying them.

    For what it’s worth, I’ve been in the audience of a few events where it was obvious the person being interviewed was not prepared/not interested/very, very nervous and struggling to speak/otherwise making the moderator’s job difficult, and I have never thought that the moderator or host was at fault. You do what you can with the folks that you’re on stage with, and I can absolutely understand why OP handled it the way they did.

    What are you supposed to do 15 minutes before an event when the VIP is already visibly intoxicated? And when their “handlers” seemingly see nothing wrong with what’s happening? It’s just a difficult situation and I think OP did the best they could (and it sounds like it was not the worst outcome in the world).

    Reply ↓
  24. Bess*

    This is the kind of thing you can look back in hindsight and wonder what else you could’ve done, but it sounds like you did the best you could with an unpredictable situation that you didn’t cause and couldn’t necessarily resolve. From what you’ve described, I doubt that anyone would fault you personally for this speaker’s behavior. I think I would have struggled to be assertive and get the speaker off the stage earlier in a way that wouldn’t escalate.

    I have to wonder about the PR team. Weird that they seemed oblivious, and they would have a little more standing, I’m guessing, to manage the behavior–but even that could be a stretch. The speaker is unfortunately ultimately responsible for their behavior here, and for putting everyone else in an uncomfortable and possibly dangerous situation.

    Reply ↓
  25. ChurchOfDietCoke*

    OP, send your bill as normal. It would make no difference whether Lee was unable to perform (as happened here) or Lee broke down on the motorway or missed a flight and hadn’t turned up at all or Lee had turned up sober and ready and then the entire venue had been plunged into darkness due to a catastrophic power cut.

    The fact of the matter remains you were there prepared and ready to do the interview as you were booked to do. The fact that Lee was not makes no difference whatsoever. Bill them in full.

    Reply ↓
  26. OP*

    Hi Alison & AAM community, OP here! Thank you very much for the lovely comments, I do a lot of public speaking but that does not mean I’m not also a very anxious bunny by nature and this situation has been playing on my mind a lot – it literally felt like an anxiety nightmare as it was happening! – but reading the comments has made me breathe a lot easier, so thank you.

    A very good update: Before I could message anyone, I received a very nice message from a person from the PR team apologising for putting me in an unfortunate situation and thanking me for my “consummate professionalism and care” and for my “graceful handling of a delicate and challenging situation.” They gave a few more details that I won’t share but their apology and thanks was very heartfelt and appreciated. They also sent me an invoice outline to fill out so all sorted there too. I did call a friend on the night who does a lot of event hosting and they said “that was the best training you’ll ever have” which I’m also taking to heart. Do I wish I’d had the training in a different way? Yes! But it’ll be hard to throw me off in the future!

    Thanks all, you’re lovely.

    Reply ↓
  27. judyjudyjudy*

    OP, you are trying to do too much here. You should be paid in full for the work you provided and if you want, you can circle back with the PR team and talk to them about what happened, per Allison’s script.

    I’m glad you’re compassionate and want to extend Lee some grace, and perhaps wonder if you should not be paid for the whole event since it got cut short. But it was cut short because of Lee, not you. I think you are playing Monday morning quarterback — it’s easy to say what you should have done differently to optimize the outcome when the event has happened already! The only way you could have prevented this outcome is if you were omniscient. You responded professionally and sensitively in the moment. How could you know how nervous Lee was before the event? Or how much Lee drank prior to the event and when you were in the bathroom? How could you know that Lee hadn’t eaten much that day? How could you know that Lee would not recover their composure, even when you tried to take the heat off by shifting the focus to give them a moment to collect themselves? You did the best you could, and everything you did was really reasonable.

    Extend some of your compassion for Lee to yourself. Best of luck!

    Reply ↓
  29. LoV...*

    It sounds like you did everything you could considering the situation, and anything that went wrong was out of your control and the scope of your duties. Send the invoice and expect to be paid.

    Pro-tip: Don’t give nervous people drinks if they have something important to do. Be careful drinking when you’re nervous. It’s really easy to go too far.

    Reply ↓
  30. Kobayashi Maru, for Me and You*

    A lot of pragmatic advice has been said, but I also want to gently (!) draw attention to the fact that your guilt / mortification / sadness / sense of responsibility seem very out of proportion to the situation. You are carrying burdens that are not yours; you can lay them down.

    You were put in an impossible position, which was not your fault. What could you have done in those few minutes before the talk, second-guess the VIP in front of their entire team? That could have backfired spectacularly! You didn’t know how drunk Lee was until they got onstage. Once onstage, you played the cards you were dealt, and played them well. However, *there was no way to win that card game*, no matter how well you played.

    You deserve to feel frustrated — angry, even– at both the PR team and Lee! You were professional and prepared, and you were instead thrown into a humiliating situation caused by others’ unprofessional behavior. You’re concerned that your reputation will be called into question because of this, which would be massively unfair were it to happen! It’s not your fault!

    I’m not suggesting that your rage scorch the skies, or that you feel no empathy. However, in my experience, ruminating, feeling “mortified and sick” and taking responsibility *on behalf of someone else’s negligent actions* the way you’re doing here instead of feeling frustration and anger is sometimes an indicator that you’ve been put in impossible situations before, when you were young, and were made to understand that it’s always your responsibility to forgive / it’s always your fault. Something worth considering.

    Reply ↓
    1. Generic Name*

      I cosign all of this. I read your update upthread, and I’m heartened to see that the PR company apologized to you, because you do deserve an apology. You were put into a challenging situation that wasn’t your fault. Other people behaved very badly, and you are not responsible for other adult’s behavior. I want to especially echo the last paragraph. Very wise advice.

      Reply ↓

Leave a Comment

Before you comment: Please be kind, stay on-topic, and follow the site's commenting rules.
You can report an ad, tech, or typo issue here.

Subscribe to all comments on this post by RSS