the boat party rations, the cook-off vote theft, and other food stories from work

by Alison Green on November 25, 2024

All this week to get us in the holiday spirit, I’m going to be featuring holiday work stories readers have shared here in the past … and then updates season will start next week!

To kick us off, here are 10 of my favorite stories you shared about potlucks and other food gatherings at work earlier this month.

1. The chili cook-off

I worked for a nonprofit, and every year there was a few months long period where every department would do some kind of fundraiser for the nonprofit. My department was famous for a lunchtime chili cook-off that included, of course, voting for a winner. It was my first year there, and my boss kept talking about how popular the chili cook-off was. We were advised we needed to quadruple our normal recipe to have enough for everyone.

One coworker launched in right away with BIG talk about her recipe. And the day of the cook-off, she kept going around and checking out the competition and making allusions to her to secret ingredients. When the judging was over, we learned that she won and she was ecstatic … but then it came out that she’d been buying votes all afternoon! When the accusations were revealed, she refused to give up the trophy.

Oh, and remember the quadruple recipes. Turns out that was bananas, and since everybody ate only a couple spoonfuls of each chili, there was an exorbitant amount left over. Another coworker carried her crockpot of leftovers back to her car and spilled that triple recipe of chili all over it.

2. The boat

Office christmas party: on a boat. Possibly the worst six words in the English language, because once you’re on and sailing you can’t get off. And worse, the catering was a weird hot buffet with some of the smallest portion sizes I’ve ever seen, like a half serving spoon of rice and a half serving spoon of chicken in sauce. No dessert. And there was just one serving station for 150 people who were therefore stood in an hour-long queue for the food in the close confines of the lower deck.

When it became clear that even with the small portions, the caterers were likely to run out of food and we were trapped on the boat until 11pm with no further food available, people became quite grumpy and started trying to bribe those earlier in the queue to swap spots in return for drinks tokens. People accused others of cutting in line, or of secretly getting in for seconds before others had had any. The party organizing team had to start policing the queue, meaning they were then being exposed to a lot of snark because they had organized the caterers (though I don’t see how it’s their fault that the caterers had massively under estimated what was needed). Ultimately it was a sad boat full of very hungry people who had gotten drunk too quickly, there were lots of cynical cannibalism jokes, and there has never been a boat party again.

3. The banana

At my old workplace we would have potlucks “just because.” People who wanted to participate could, but no pressure if you didn’t want to. It was generally understood that in order to participate, you needed to bring something. One coworker clearly wanted to eat, but didn’t actually want to contribute. So what did she bring to put on the potluck table?

A single banana.

4. The grill guy

My office has a grill that we drag out on the patio for office parties/potlucks/etc. I have a coworker who considers himself to be the “grill guy” of the office, and always mans the grill for all these parties because he’s “the only one good at it.” (Side note: his grill skills are perfectly adequate but not spectacular.)  Once, we had an office potluck that accidentally got scheduled while he was going to be on vacation. This guy cut his vacation (at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean) short so that he could be back in time to man the grill. Because he’s the grill guy!

5. The bites

During a potluck, someone (the office never discovered who!) went to the meeting room where the potluck had to be held and took a single bite out of every biteable thing. Scones, bread, fruits, pizza slices. Just one single bite.

6. The horse hair cake

We had a supervisor who owned horses. Lovely person, but one day she brought in a cake for her staff. When she cut it and took pieces out of the pan, they had horse hair dangling from them. “Horse hair cake” became a potluck warning for years for those in the know.

7. The noon tradition

At a previous job, I was in charge of a monthly staff catered lunch for about 20 people at noon. There was a rotation of favorite local restaurants I’d get take out from, for a modest budget. Most restaurants opened at 11am or 11:30, so it could be a little difficult getting food by noon but I made it work. Additionally, on the selected day, there was one team of four that had a regularly scheduled meeting with outside clients until 1. We always saved food for them, but it felt silly to have an all staff lunch that not everyone could attend.

I floated the idea of moving the staff lunch to 1, which staff responded positively to. In fact, it worked better with everyone’s schedule. I emailed all staff to announce the change. In response I got a bombastic response from the CEO (who, mind you, never showed up to these lunches, or to work in general) that it WAS A TRADITION that these VERY IMPORTANT TO STAFF COHESION lunches were at noon, and THEY HAD ALWAYS been at noon, and MUST CONTINUE to be at noon, and he could ONLY MAKE IT TO NOON lunches, and anything else was an insult to the concept of the noon lunch being at noon. Alas, we kept them at noon and he never made it to the noon lunch.

8. The cheesecake

I had a coworker who just hated me right off the bat. I never did anything to her but I seemed to be a special target for her.

We had a potluck and I brought in mini orange cheesecakes with a burnt sugar top and this absolutely enraged her for some reason. She went in during set up and moved my platter to another table out of the way away from all the other food. Then she went around and told everyone about her cheesecake that she would make and how it was always from scratch. She was very seriously about her homemade cheesecake and how “other people” didn’t make cheesecake from scratch. She never asked me, but mine were scratch made as well. The cherry on top was she hadn’t even brought in a cheesecake.

9. The gasoline

Catered outdoor event that was open to the general public. The venue officially does not allow bringing in alcohol, but unofficially it was another story. REALLY another story.

A coworker was trying to light a campfire in a fire pit and poured gasoline into a red Solo cup. A drunken guest somehow thought he was hiding moonshine in the gas can and tried to walk off with the cup of gasoline. He had to forcibly take it back before it could be swallowed.

10. Waffle Wednesdays

My office had waffle Wednesdays once a month for years. It had all the executive leadership manning the line cooking waffles, pancakes, with one table/griddle dedicated to gluten-free food as we had a few celiacs. They would also do all the prep, purchasing and clean-up (the actual execs not their admin staff), although many people would volunteer to help clean-up and often get a bit more chat time in with the execs. There were also fruit platters and whole fruit if you were vegetarian and wanted a bit more, as well as various kinds of muffins that were vegan. Anytime a food restriction was brought up, they would bring in food specific to that person that was always respected. People were welcome to bring in their own food as well, to accommodate their restrictions or even just come by and have a tea or coffee and not eat.
Zero pressure.

Every Wednesday the entire building smelled of eggs, waffles and bacon. It also allowed people face-time with the executives that they would never otherwise meet. the whole thing ran about 2-3 hours, and the front doors were scheduled around that so even the front-line staff could participate. It was lovely.

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  1. PhD survivor*

    Fun stories! The gasoline story is pretty scary though. It’s unsafe to start fires with gasoline and to put gasoline in a silo cup. Story could have ended much worse.

    3. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Yeah, you really shouldn’t be using that stuff to start fires. I’m glad that story had a happy, non-tragic ending.

    4. Ccbac*

      my entire extended family/family friends all used to call gasoline/liquid firestarters “boy scout juice”. I was so young that I didn’t understand it or get that it was a dig and just viewed it as a weird but neutral nickname.

      once I hit high school, I learned that there had in fact been an Incident™️ (no one was seriously hurt, thankfully) involving the local boy scout troop and leaders using gasoline to start a campfire that spawned the nickname.

      1. Business Pigeon*

        I was at Girl Scout camp one summer and we were struggling and struggling to light our fire because it had been downpouring for days and everything was wet. Unfortunately, our planned activity was to cook our lunch over the fire, so we really, really needed that fire. One of the staff members who was not a counselor came along, had a quick chat with our counselor, and returned with a “fire starting rag.” We all knew it had gas on it, but we pretended we didn’t know. Luckily we got our fire started and nothing happened, but even at the time, we all (a bunch of 10-12 year old girls) knew it was a really, really bad idea.

        1. Worldwalker*

          There is always dry wood. It’s inside the wet wood. A small splitting hatchet is your friend. Also fuzz sticks.

    5. Excel-sior*

      maybe it’s because i had an outdoorsy upbringing (lots of camping, I’m no lumberjack or survivalist) but it’s absolutely wild to me that anybody would use gasoline. Silver birch bark is really good kindling (for anybody interested) and firelighters are super easy to get (in the UK at least. maybe not the USA?)

      1. MigraineMonth*

        There aren’t many situations where tackling/restraining your coworker is the right thing to do, but “stopping the idiot from drinking gasoline even after you warned them” is one of them. Every part of that story was horrifying.

        I get nervous when people dump half a bottle of lighter fluid on the coals or kindling. Who lights a campfire with gasoline?

    7. Hush42*

      Yeah, it’s a pretty terrible idea. A couple of summers ago my younger cousins were in their yard with a bon fire (they were 14 and 16 and had enough outdoors education to theoretically be trusted by themselves around a fire). The 14 year decided he wanted to make the fire get larger so he decided to pour gasoline on the fire and failed to pay attention to where his sister was standing. Thankfully, he kept his head enough to force her to stop and drop and he was able to get the fire, that was on her, out. She ended up having to go to the burn unit at the larger hospital 2 hours from their house. She ended up with 3rd degree burns all over her left arm and torso. She ended up with scars and pain for the summer, he ended up with the trauma of having hurt the sister he adores.

      In my experience drunk adults aren’t a whole lot smarter than 14 year old boys… so I was also expecting a much different ending to that story.

    8. goddessoftransitory*

      Much, MUCH worse. If that guy had ingested the gas the chances of him living through it would–not be good.

      Add in “never EVER start a fire with gasoline” and man, that was a horror movie waiting to happen.

    9. Happy*

      Yes! And this is also an example of why you should never put non-potable chemicals in a container that looks like something people drink out of!

      1. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

        If my eight-year-old-self remembers right…
        My neighbor’s mom put gasoline in a soda can and set it on the edge of the car they were working on. Her younger brother picked it up and drank out of it. There followed a trip to the hospital and my mom went over to babysit the kids for a few hours until their grandmother could get there.

    10. Worldwalker*

      People in campgrounds periodically re-invent napalm by putting gasoline in styrofoam cups, intending to throw it on inadequate campfires.

      Pouring gasoline on a campfire is a bad enough idea; doing it when your hand is covered with jellied gasoline is a whole other level of stupid.

    11. Little Bobby Tables*

      That wasn’t even the most dangerous thing somebody threw in the fire that night. That event was notorious where I worked for stories of things that seemed like a good idea while drunk.

  2. WellRed*

    No 9 is horrifying. You do not try to start a fire with gasoline. Do people never hear of horrible burn tragedies caused by this?
    Horse hair cake: horrifying in a whole nother way!

      1. Worldwalker*

        Diesel fuel is at least far less explosive; that’s why it works in a Diesel engine in the first place.

        1. Lab Boss*

          Oh I’m well aware. With a big flashing caveat that it’s still not a good idea… I may or may not have used it a few times in my life. It burns hot and aggressive but doesn’t flare or flash, and the fire really clings well to what you’re trying to get lit.

          1. Wayward Sun*

            It’s a great way to get rid of contaminated diesel from changing fuel filters and such.

            A great way to start a bonfire is to put a charcoal briquette into each slot of a cardboard egg carton, pour on some diesel, and light it.

            A great illustration of the relative safety is the time I accidentally dropped a lit match into a puddle of diesel, while trying to start such a fire. The match went out.

    2. Pomodoro Sauce*

      I once told my three-year-old a story about his great uncle starting a fire with gasoline, and I believe my toddler’s comments are accurate.
      – He don’t have good judgement.
      – Why did people be his friend?
      – Did he not go to school?

      2. Fluffy Fish*

        3 year olds are savage and bananapants (in fact the only acceptable time to be bananapants) – my favorite age

      3. Ginger Beer*

        Oh my gosh, Pomodoro, I love your three year old. Just love him. And those three comments can be applied to many, many situations.

      1. Artemesia*

        It should remind everyone that potlucks except among small groups of friend — and even then? — are very dicey.

        1. lizzay*

          Yes!

          Frankly, one of the silver linings of covid was the salad bar close to my work switching to having employees do all the salad buffeting for you – you just point to what you want ‘just a little more; not quite so much’. People are f’ing disgusting! (yes, including myself).

      2. Stopping By*

        Growing up we weren’t allowed to eat other people’s food at the church potluck. Only what mom brought.

        1. dee*

          I know someone who grew up as a minister’s son who absolutely refuses to eat potluck anywhere because of all the cat hair he ingested as a kid.

    4. goddessoftransitory*

      Nope, they don’t. Just like most people have no idea how quickly a fire can spread out of control until/unless they experience one.

  3. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

    There are no letters in the alphabet that can spell the noise I made at the horse hair cake.

      2. goddessoftransitory*

        URP URP URP URP

        (Peanut cat has quite the delicate digestion so I am distressingly familiar with this sound.)

    2. Delta Delta*

      As a lowly servant to a horse, I accept that horse hair gets everywhere. But I love my horse and I don’t care if I get her hair on me because we’re besties.

      I’m not serving someone else cake that has my horse’s hair on it. (I have inadvertently gotten horse hair in my mouth; I don’t like it but it happens)

    3. Dr. Rebecca*

      I made a “Bill the Cat from Bloom County” face. One eye screwed up, tongue all the way out, looking like pure disgust.

    4. Dust Bunny*

      I used to work for a veterinarian and have lived with cats and double-coated dogs since the dawn of time and have thus surely eaten my share of fur, and horsehair cake is a “no” from me. I can eat pet hair at home but I’m not gonna serve it to my friends and coworkers.

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Exactly. I don’t mind living like an animal in my own home, but that’s not for sharing.

    5. Lenora Rose*

      One hair, I could see; I think any long haired human has done that, too. It’s a bit gross even when it’s yours but it’s not the end of the world.

      Horse hairs. Plural. Visible as soon as it’s cut into. Is just next level awfulness.

      1. Syfy Geek*

        I really need to know how the horse hair got in the cake? Was the hair on her clothes and fell in the batter? Was her kitchen in the stable? Was the stable in her kitchen? Was the horse in the kitchen? Was she riding while mixing up the batter and the horses mane, blowing gently in the breeze, let slip a few strands to mix with the batter?

        2. The OG Sleepless*

          I also can’t picture whether we’re talking about the short, softer body hairs, or tail hairs. Both gag-worthy in slightly different ways.

        4. Queen Bey*

          The progression of questions made me laugh so much louder than I intended. I had to act like I was choking to cover it. Now my coworkers are concerned……..

  4. Chick-n-boots*

    I am in deep awe of the office that did the Waffle Wednesday tradition! I can only imagine that this was representative of how thoughtful and in-touch leadership was with how to run an organization well and in a way that showed they valued their employees. How freaking awesome! If my org was still all in the same area going to the same office (most of us are at least partially remote at this point and wouldn’t fit in our main office even if that changed) I would 100% be lobbying to start a Waffle Wednesday tradition. GENIUS.

    1. Ellis Bell*

      I read this feeling sure it would exclude gluten free people like me, because of logistics; very surprised and happy to be wrong. Sounds incredible.

      1. Eastendbird*

        As someone with celiac disease I got quite misty eyed at the kindness of providing gluten-free food

      2. MEH Squared*

        Same here. I’m GF/DF, and given the nature of the post, was expecting it to go terribly wrong by the end. Instead, the all-around warm fuzzies (especially the inclusion of GF foods) made me smile.

      3. Christine*

        I’d be all over those vegan muffins. I also would teach them how to make vegan pancakes, waffles, and scrambles.
        Hint: Use Just Egg.

    2. Snarkus Aurelius*

      I had a boss who really, really, really, really wanted to be admired and revered except he couldn’t overcome his jackass, selfish tendencies. Everyone hated him. Think Michael Scott with no redeeming qualities and a dash of sexism and racism.

      He tried to do a similar event with him making a point of serving everyone and then eating last. (He’d just read Leaders Eat Last.) Except he picked a date without consulting anyone and set it up such that it was a potluck where the potluck recipients had to make and bring a dish…for him to serve. He wasn’t bringing anything!

      He had to cancel when everyone either declined or said they’d “pop in” but they weren’t going to make anything.

      Oh and none of the support staff were invited except to do event set up.

      2. Charlotte Lucas*

        Am I correct in assuming he read the title of the book but missed opening it up to read all the words inside?

      3. Chick-n-boots*

        WOW. I mean…….WOW.

        That is a level of tone-deaf obliviousness that almost defies description!

      4. goddessoftransitory*

        That’s almost impressive in an Opposite Day way–“how can I make myself even more of an irredeemable jackass?”

    3. ferrina*

      I love that the senior executives were setting aside half a day every month to just do something nice for their employees. That’s priorities!

    6. Carrots*

      I was waiting for the unhappy ending when Waffle Wednesday was canceled for some silly reason….but it never came! Long live WW!

    7. Gumby*

      We used to have breakfast on Fridays. Prepared by our office manager. This was her idea; originally it was just bagels and fruit. She’s the one who looked around and said “for what we’re paying to have 2 dozen bagels delivered, I can make scrambled eggs for everyone along with fruit, bacon, hash browns, and more.”

      Our insurance carrier made us stop. It could have been a food safety thing or maybe it was the electric skillet. I don’t know the details but we were all pretty bummed.

      1. Me, surprised but not really*

        I briefly worked in a place where one employee would make burgers and Frito pie in the break room. He would solicit a couple of bucks for supplies from anyone who wanted to partake, go to the store, then cook it in an electric skillet. You couldn’t eat if you didn’t pay — he was very strict about that. I lived for Frito pie days.

        1. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

          I use Fritos for my nachos. The pictures online for Frito pie suggest that this is Frito pie with all the cheese and only 20% of the other toppings. I’ve also used crushed Fritos instead of breadcrumbs for baked chicken. (And I really used to enjoy crushed Cheese Puffs coating for baked chicken.)

    8. tenor eleven*

      Agreed, Waffle Wednesdays sound straight up wonderful. Thank you Alison for putting this palate cleanser at the end.

  5. Snarkus Aurelius*

    Buffets at work events are the worst.

    I remember HR refusing to pay a little extra for our Christmas party to have catering staff plate the food as opposed to every man for himself. So I’d be at the end of the line right when the food ran out, and I’d watch multiple employees throw away plates with *layers* of food on them right in front of us without an ounce of self-awareness.

    When people threatened to boycott the Christmas party, that’s when HR paid extra for plated service. Magically, everyone got served after that.

    I. Just. Want. To. Know. Why?!?!??

      1. Lisa*

        LOL no, for catering they cost more because of the labor.

        We specifically did buffet for our wedding reception because plated was more than we could afford.

        1. Artemesia*

          The last wedding I planned which was 20 years ago, the buffet was much more expensive than the plated dinners even with service. At buffets everyone wants to have some of everything and lots more food is required.

          I was at a conference of people involved in citizenship education where mini desserts were served buffet style. I think they figured 3 per person but didn’t announce that. The first people in line took a plate piled high and the last 100 people got nothing.

          1. Nosy*

            I’ve worked in professional events for 15 years and I’ve never seen a plated meal cost less than a buffet. Plated meals are usually at least 20% more expensive, possibly more depending on the area, venue, and type of food being served.

          2. goddessoftransitory*

            That’s the main problem (of many) with buffets–people see “all that food” and just assume there’s giant piles of it somewhere and everyone will be able to take three plates’ worth.

        2. Charlotte Lucas*

          It depends on your location and the type of food. Family style is usually the most expensive, because of the amount of food. But it’s a nice option for making sure everyone gets what they want and nothing they don’t. (Without having to plan ahead as much.)

        1. Artemesia*

          If they provide the same amount of food either way then the last people in the line will go home hungry

    2. Pastor Petty Labelle*

      And yeah its on the organizers because the caters tell you how much each dish is expected to serve and you order enough so there are servings for the number of expected guests. If the order of chicken is expected to serve 10 to 12 people, and you are expcted 100 people you don’t order one thing of chicken. You order 8 – 10 (not everyone will eat everything). The caters can help you with the numbers and if they can’t use another caterer.

      1. ferrina*

        This. An experienced caterer will know to plan for people taking extra, and will portion accordingly.

      2. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

        Ugh, buffet service at one event where there were 40 attendees so they ordered 20 chicken and 20 salmon pieces. And 20 servings of potato and 20 of mac’n cheese. 40 servings of salad.

        The salmon was gone by the time the 25th person was through the line and there were 8 people who didn’t eat dairy and/or who were vegetarian. So they loaded up with huge portions of potato and salad and rolls.

        By the time the last of us got through the line we got a slice of chicken breast and no sides.

        It never occurred to anyone organizing it that if you went buffet, you couldn’t assume 40 servings total.

      3. goddessoftransitory*

        OMG if ONLY this were common knowledge. I take so many daytime/business orders at my job and no matter how many times you tell someone “okay, you have 25 people eating, so you’re going to need five large pizzas at least” they insist that two will be fine if we slice them into forty pencil-sized pieces.

        The opposite is when it’s going to be an eight person meeting and they get four large pies, three party size salads and stacks of breadsticks.

    3. Antilles*

      Buffets can work perfectly fine, it’s just that you have to plan appropriately, aka buying enough extra that there’ll be some remaining even when-not-if people take more than their share.
      I suspect whoever organized your company holiday party ordered wrong, either by misjudging attendance or by trying to do the math themselves (and failing to account for waste, people taking more than their share, etc).

    4. Picky*

      Once attended a catered–and ticketed (in government you don’t get free meals)–work event where there were three dessert choices. You were supposed to pick one. Everyone in the first 1/3 of the line picked all three. Everyone in the last 2/3 of the line got zero. Everyone who got nothing stood up and left, including me, so I did not get a chance to see the apparently increasingly desperate attempts by the DJ to get the remaining few to dance. Event ended early and the following year the party was a BYOLunch. Caterers learned why desserts are cut into tiny pieces, never full sized.

    5. AnotherOne*

      I’ve seen buffets done fine for staff events but it’s because they were being constantly refreshed. Everything wasn’t brought out at once.

      My office recently change campuses. But we used to be at the campus with the hospital so the holiday party for that campus was first thing in the morning for several hours and everyone popped in and out. It had to be long enough to cover different shifts and food had to be available for all the shifts.

      (However, they did do that party generally at the “restaurant” so there is a kitchen attached.)

    6. Pay no attention...*

      At work events we’ve always had a staffed buffet line… side dishes like salad and bread are serve yourself, but hot food like the meat/entree is cut and served by catering staff who are much better at portioning out and making sure that hot dishes are kept hot and covered. I think having an attendant prevents some people from just piling layers of food too.

      Plated dinners for a large crowd have always been crappy IME because, unless you have one attendant per table, the last tables to be served receive cold food about the same time that the first tables served are finished with their meal. If I’m attending a plated dinner event, I always pick the meal choice that I can stomach at room temperature — chicken or fish? nope… steak? maybe, as long as it’s cooked… vegetarian dish like eggplant? that’s the one, and I’m not normally a vegetarian.

    7. Momma Bear*

      We had a company event that was the opposite – too few people attended and there was too much food. People need to show up when they RSVP yes, but I also think the organizers are out of touch with what people actually want as a reward. Not having to pay more for health insurance would be more appreciated than a poorly timed offsite party.

    8. Hush42*

      I somehow ended up with the responsibility of ordering my companies month end lunch every month. It doesn’t really make sense in my role, but basically our COO jumped at the chance to hand it off to someone else who was competent when I asked for something other than pizza after 5 years of pizza every single month. I love it because I get to pick where we order from (I made the mistake of putting it up for a vote a couple of months ago… I will never be doing that again. But I do keep peoples preferences and requests in mind. And we always accommodate dietary restrictions). But I am always afraid that I will under order and not end up with enough food for everyone. We always end up with extra, which is what I am going for. My goal is always to have enough that everyone who wants food is satisfied but not so much that the leftovers can’t be finished off the next day. I have been doing this for 6 years now and I still second guess how much food I need to order every single month and simultaneously worry that I either ordered not enough or way too much.

        1. Expelliarmus*

          Can confirm, as someone who got married earlier this year and was trying to balance catering without over-ordering (we had a vegetarian caterer and a non-vegetarian caterer, and trying to guess what some of the more flexible guests would choose was a bit tricky)

    9. The OG Sleepless*

      I learned early on, when having end-of-season banquets for kids’ activities, to have people either plating the food, or at least standing there making “Jesus is watching you” faces at people as they served themselves. There’s something about a buffet that makes some people turn into wild animals.

    10. Elizabeth West*

      OldExjob always had shrimp at the Christmas parties — catered affairs at a local venue with a restaurant attached. I never got any because the hogs would get in line first and take ALL of it. Gawd, I hated those parties. I stopped going a couple of years before the layoffs began.

      They also had these family things at the pizza arcade. My supervisor warned me not to go, because if I did, BossWife would put me to work. I have no kids so they were easy to avoid.

    11. It's Marie - Not Maria*

      I think I have told this story before, but we had a Contractor who was always at the front of the line any time a meal buffet was served at the office. They were always there, even if the meal was not for the department to which they were assigned. They always mounded enough food for 3-4 people on their plate, even when the person they contracted with suggested they only take enough for themselves.

      They received the shock of their lives when their contact was up after six months, and they weren’t converted to employee status. Their gluttony was specifically cited as a prime reason they were not hired.

      1. o_gal*

        Similar to what happened at a church dinner many, many years ago (1960s or 70s). The tradition was that you set down your salad or side dish to share on the buffet table, then grabbed your plate and joined a line. There was one family that always made sure to get there extremely early so they were first in line. They would load up their plates with huge servings of every dish. I was little so I didn’t get to actually see the amount, but remember hearing the adults remarking about how much these people would putting on their plates.

        Then one dinner we literally ran out of food. For some reason, not too many people came this one time, and the family took the vast majority of the few dishes that were there. The church provided the main course, and there should have been plenty of that. Except that since there were no more salads or side dishes then everyone was left with only the main course. The people in the back of the line were literally scraping the dishes to see what they could come up with.

        We quickly switched to a numbered table system where you sat down after putting your dish on the buffet table. Then the minister would get some kid to pull numbers from a hat. The family started not coming to dinners much after the switch.

  6. Festively Dressed Earl*

    Did #7’s email read “First shalt thou retrieve the holy sandwiches. Then shalt thou commence at noon, no earlier, no later. Noon shall be the time that thou shalt serve, and the time of the serving shall be noon. One PM shalt thou not serve, neither serve thou at 11 AM, excepting that thou then tell everyone to wait until noon. 2 PM is right out. Once noon, being the post meridian be reached, then lobbest thou thy holy sandwiches to thine coworkers, who, being hungry in thy sight, shall snarf them. Amen.”?

    5. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

      But did they feast upon turkeys and ducks and geese and orangutans and breakfast cereals? Not to mention Sir Robin’s minstrels…

    7. Thinking*

      Thank you, good sir. That was delightful.
      Practically speaking, I’d have just had the official time at noon and the real time at one. Since he never came he’d never know.

  7. A Penguin!*

    It speaks volumes to the kind of posts we usually have here that the whole time I was reading #10 I was waiting for the “but…” that would turn a lovely tradition into something terrible and/or force it to be cancelled.

  8. A Simple Narwhal*

    “Office christmas party: on a boat. Possibly the worst six words in the English language.”

    Pure poetry. *Chef’s kiss

      1. allathian*

        Yeah, I attended one Christmas party on a cruise ship and decided to make it my last. The cruise started at 3 pm and ended at 9 pm. We had an eat and drink as much as you want buffet meal starting at 3. By 6 pm some people were so drunk that they could barely stand up.

    2. Strive to Excel*

      Could rival Hemingway for the sheer depth of emotion and flashback visualization called up in the reader.

    4. Chauncy Gardener*

      There’s a great meme that says “How the f— am I supposed to Irish exit if we’re out to sea?”
      It’s the only way to exit gracefully from a work party…

    5. Marsha*

      I’ve always said that the four worst words in the English language are “other duties as assigned.” Glad to have a new 6-word addition to the canon!

    6. Frankie Mermaids*

      A toxic family member had their wedding on a river boat. My husband and I still think fondly how lucky we were to not be invited lol

      1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

        I got food poisoning at a hen do (bachelorette) on a riverboat. That’s all the information you need to understand how horrendous it was for me.

  9. Lab Boss*

    Aw, I feel bad for grill guy! I mean he’s clearly got some ego, but it sounds like he genuinely thinks he’s an amazing griller and wants to showcase his talent for everyone’s enjoyment. A problem of his own making, no doubt, but I still feel bad for him.

    1. On Fire*

      I hope he was vacationing alone! I’d be livid if my husband (who is an excellent grill-guy) cut vacation short to go back to work and man the grill. I mean, dude can leave, but I’m staying here. :-D

      1. ferrina*

        lol, that was my first thought too! I hope he didn’t make his family/friends leave vacation early because he built his entire identity around ‘being the grill guy at work’

        1. AnotherOne*

          that was where my mind went. “honey, it’s a work emergency. we have to cut the trip short.” “okay”

          months later, at some event, a work friend’s wife going to his SO “honestly, i’m so surprised you were okay with him cutting short your trip to the Carribbean so he could come back early to man the grill for an office party. I’d’ve been pissed.”

          “wait? what? no, it was an emergency.” “no, it was a party.”

          cue cursing not under breath.

    2. WeirdChemist*

      That one was mine! He is a great guy, it’s just wild to me that he cut a vacation short to grill some frozen Costco hamburgers. Also to answer On Fire, he *was* vacationing with his wife/kids, but I have no idea if he dragged them back with him or not lol. Desperately hoping they were all allowed to continue their vacation!

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I would consider myself on PERMANENT vacation if my husband took off to fry burgers from a Carribean resort!

      2. Literally a Cat*

        Hey, I’m just glad that something in the world makes anyone as happy as office grill makes him happy.

      4. noname*

        Honestly, this is just really pathetic to me. Like work is so important to him he leaves a family vacation? I just can’t understand it.

        There’s literally no “emergency” at work that would make me end my vacation early. In fact, I am unreachable during vacations, all notifications get turned off.

        Was he a boomer whose whole identity is his job or what?

    3. Jamoche*

      My office mate was a very good bartender, and would mix drinks at office parties – booze supplied from the party fund, but he’d bring his own equipment. When one party fell on his birthday the planners didn’t realize it, so we had all the ingredients but no way to do anything with them. That was when I decided to get my own gear and learn how to mix drinks, and yes, it does make you popular at parties.

    4. LaminarFlow*

      I worked with a version of Grill Guy. My co-worker was a stickler for everything being fair. Fair to the point of compromising her own personal day when she came in to load up a plate to take home on a random potluck day. She also insisted on helping herself to after-hours meals that management ordered if a team had to stay late to fix a problem. She would drive back to the office, fix herself a plate of whatever was ordered, and drive home. Nobody said anything to her because she was so difficult to deal with.

      She also got really mad at people if they didn’t try the item she brought to potlucks – it didn’t matter if there were food allergies, religious practices being violated, dietary restrictions, or simply not liking the thing she brought. I think we were all relieved when she left the company.

      1. new laptop who dis*

        Oh my goodness, she sounds exhausting. I would have WORDS for someone that came back after hours to score free food but not pitch in!!!

  10. Pita Chips*

    At one job I had years ago, after the award was handed to the winner of the chili cookoff, the winner admitted he’d just put a few cans of Hormel in the crock pot.

    (I didn’t vote for it)

    1. Persephone Mulberry*

      I can’t remember if it was posted in AAM or if it was a Facebook/Reddit/Tumblr type thing, but one of my favorite (apocryphal) chili cook-off stories is the guy whose “winning” chili was made up of scoops of everyone else’s chili mixed together.

        1. Slow Gin Lizz*

          One of my very favorite stories. I have mad respect for that person, what a clever idea. I suppose the fact that they won was just icing on the cake.

    2. dogwoodblossom*

      I’ve never liked chili and every time I hear a story about the winner of a chili cook-off cheating in some egregious way I think maybe nobody else actually likes it either.

        1. Csethiro Ceredin*

          My colleague and I swapped chili recently when we both brought in our own in similar containers. She ate mine accidentally and so I ate hers after we realized and had a good laugh. It was good, but… wrong. I realized how much I like specific things in my chili, and NOT others.

        2. goddessoftransitory*

          Me too. Chili is like spaghetti sauce or lasagna–just about everybody likes *a* version of it but those vary wildly.

      3. LaminarFlow*

        I also don’t like chili, and I had a former manager who insisted on brining her *special chili* each year right before superbowl Sunday. She even brought fixins like cheese, bacon bits, sour cream, etc. I can’t remember a year that anyone tried it. The crockpot arrived full, and she ended up taking it home full each year.

      4. The OG Sleepless*

        Yeah, chili is something I like OK, but I don’t love it, and it’s kind of heavy. Not something I have a desire to walk around trying multiple samples of.

    3. Ms. Whatsit*

      My grandma’s grocery store job held potlucks around the holidays. Food was left in the break room, so that people could eat on breaks. So my grandma’s hospitality and practicality led her to prepare meatballs in a crockpot – bulk, warm food all day. People loved those meatballs! She got so many compliments.

      They were frozen ones from the store, and probably on the cheaper end, knowing my grandma. The sauce was probably from a jar, or perhaps two (we’d do apricot jam and mustard sometimes – try it with kielbasa for a party dish). It wasn’t meant to be some big secret to start with, but she felt odd so she didn’t divulge. Finally someone hounded her about it, so she admitted they were frozen, and the person said something like, oh that’s so easy (and perhaps decided it wasn’t so tasty after all). So she never gave any more info after that. :-)

      Of relevance, there are a lot of very proud Italian-Americans in the area, so people having homemade sauce and/or meatballs, by themselves or a family member, was common – and yet they were all going gaga over mini meatballs from the freezer aisle. Oops!

      1. Artemesia*

        It never occurred to me you could BUY stuff for a potluck and one day when I was whining about needing to make something for a work potluck and no time, my husband said ‘well duh, get something from the deli’. so I took my casserole dish to the deli and had them fill it with German potato salad which I heated in the microwave at work. It was a big hit and the head of the institute whose potluck it was kept hounding me all night for the recipe for the fabulous hot German potato salad until I finally just said ‘Erwin — I got it at Kroeger deli.’

      2. Firefighter (Metaphorical)*

        Wait tell me about the apricot jam/ mustard thing. You mix them? And then it is somehow not awful? Proportions?

        1. Don’t make me come over there*

          I really enjoyed the meatballs at a potluck once and asked about the sauce : equal parts grape jelly and cocktail sauce. Surprisingly delicious!

        2. Ms. Whatsit*

          Yes! Tbh I can’t tell you proportions other than I’d start with a jar of apricot sauce, let it warm up, and then add in mustard to taste. Depending on how much, you can take it more like a sweet-and-sour sauce (less mustard) to barbecue (more mustard). Sorry that’s not exactly helpful but you could experiment on a small scale to find how you like it, or just go for broke. It was a classic when we hosted gatherings, most often with chunked up kielbasa.

      4. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

        I did a trader joe’s meatless meatballs with marinara sauce in my crockpot for work. I shared the ingredients to allow the vegetarians & vegans in the group to be confident with a meal.
        My brother’s been vegan for more than 30 years.

  12. HonorBox*

    Had to jump to the comments immediately because all I could think of was Kevin spilling chili all over The Office.

  13. New Jack Karyn*

    I seem to recall another chili cookoff story, in which the winner finally allowed that he had simply arrived after everyone else, and ladled a spoonful of everyone else’s into his Crock-Pot, and let that melange simmer until lunchtime. Was that here?

    2. lizzay*

      It was for sure here – and I feel like I read it again recently! Someone must have reposted in a comment at some point.

    3. Hlao-roo*

      Yes, that was here! It’s the first story of the “the Christmas bureaucrat, Secret Santa questionnaire, and other stories of holidays at work” post from November 22, 2023:

      1. The depth of flavor

      “Not my story but my dad’s, and it makes me laugh every time. His workplace hosts an annual chili cookoff and everyone would bring in a crockpot of their chili, put it in the kitchen, and then judging and mass chili consumption would happen at lunch.

      One year, one of his coworkers brought in an empty crockpot in the morning, took a bowl of chili from every other crockpot and dumped it in his crockpot while people were working, stirred it up and called it his own chili. He ended up winning that year for his ‘depth of flavor,’ and confessed after he got asked for the recipe and had no answer. Everyone wanted to riot!”

        1. Charlotte Lucas*

          And this would, indeed, add to the depth of flavor. My not-so-secret ingredient for a quick chili is about half a jar of prepared salsa and a can of tomato paste. They give an umami boost to the other ingredients, since they’re already cooked and full of tomatoey goodness.

    4. ECHM*

      Everyone has answered your question, but I wanted to say that a couple from our church has an event each October where they put out a huge cast iron pot and guests bring small pots of chili to dump into it! Everyone brings side dishes to go along with the chili and there is a cornhole tournament.

  14. Shrimp Emplaced*

    I just realized that no one has any way of knowing what Single Biter did with the food that wasn’t single-biteable.

    1. Antilles*

      I assume that he would take his one bite and leave the rest. So there’s a cake missing part of the corner piece, a chicken leg where he took a bite and put the rest of the leg back, etc.

      1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

        My now-teenager used to do this when he was a tiny toddler. That’s when we stopped having an open fruit bowl.

      2. fhqwhgads*

        Either sociopath or someone determined to end potlucks once and for all in this particular location. Or both.

  15. baby you light up my life like traffic lights*

    I would love to work at #10! There would be no way I could eat that food (especially since the smell of bacon makes me quesy) but that sounds like such a nice atmosphere.

  16. Rain, Disappointing Australian (formerly Lucien Nova)*

    Waffle Wednesday! I was not expecting that warm fuzzy tale and I love it.

    1. Formerly in HR*

      Yup, really nicely done. We have a yearly pancake breakfast, where higher-ups (not quite VPs) serve the said pancakes. I.e. they take them from a stack and place them on a plate and they hand that over. It falls on several women to do the shopping, bring the utensils and waffle-makers from home, mix the batter, bake and clean.

      2. Rain, Disappointing Australian (formerly Lucien Nova)*

        The higher-ups could take a lesson from this Waffle Wednesday, methinks…

  17. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

    The cheesecake reminds me of a food story with the boss who inexplicably hated me. We had a dessert potluck party for a retiring colleague. I made magic bars (7-layer bars, etc.), which usually went fast. I got some weird looks, and later I saw everything was gone but my bars, which were untouched. Weird, but I had work to do. On the way back to my office, I was interrupted by someone screaming “Did you think that was FUNNY? [Abusive Boss] warned us not to eat your bars because you used salt instead of sugar. Some prank! You’re lucky you didn’t put someone in the HOSPITAL!”

    Spoiler alert: I did not, in fact, use salt instead of sugar. I’m not a prankster, I know that would be dangerous, I respected the person leaving and wouldn’t have ruined her party, and I’m too much of a perfectionist to make something deliberately gross! Thankfully, I managed to convince (most) people that my boss had been making the “joke” and the bars were fine. But I never baked again at that job, and I will still duck into the restroom or outside if I see Abusive Boss at an event.

    1. pally*

      Geez!

      The recipes I’ve seen for 7-layer bars don’t call for any sugar, but for things like chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, sweetened condensed milk, coconut, graham crackers, nuts. Of course, YMMV. I would think folks might know this and realize the lie.

      2. Charlotte Lucas*

        And you would just need a very small taste to realize it was a lie.

        It says something about the toxicity of the office that people automatically believed that lie.

        1. All Het Up About It*

          YES! There’s so many weird things that make me think that this place was Not. Good. over all.

          Why would a reasonable manager find out about a prank like that and ALLOW it, telling everyone about it, instead of just saying, “That’s not funny, you can’t serve those.” They wouldn’t, so why did people not wonder why the manger was handling the prank the way they did? And why did the person who told, get SO angry? If real it would have been a dumb “joke” and rude, but how exactly would anyone have gone to the hospital? Like you said, a small bite would have demonstrated the problem and most likely people would have instinctively spit it out instead of even swallowing it. So, the reaction seems overblown as well. Anyway – I am glad Georgia Carolyn Mason is no longer working there!

          1. MigraineMonth*

            I agree. I would get seriously upset if someone snuck a coworker’s allergen into a dish as a “prank”, but yelling seems like an overblown reaction to a dish having too much salt. Are there many conditions that would cause someone to be hospitalized for having a single bite of a food with way too much salt?

  19. Purple-Striped Wooly Rhinoceros*

    Boat parties are the worst. You can’t arrive late and you can’t leave early.

  20. Dry Cleaning Enthusiast*

    As I get older, the more I acknowledge that the Office (US version) was not a comedy but a documentary.

    1. Generic Name*

      My boss at the time the show was on was a real jackass. I just couldn’t find the show funny at all because my boss was so similar to Michael Scott, except less lovable.

  21. Pixel*

    I missed the original prompt thread, I have a doozy!

    Once upon a time, my spouse’s company, based in St. Paul, MN, had their summer company party. It was to be a dinner cruise, including spouses/partners. On the river. It was August 1st, 2007.

    It was a lovely day, although we left from the dock late because one of the engineers got into a car accident and we were waiting for him — he called and told us to leave without him because although he was fine, his car was no longer driveable.

    So we had a lovely jaunt down the river on a paddlewheel boat, went through the first lock (which was cool) and as we were coming into the second lock, I went out on deck to watch. Ahead of us there was a huge cloud of dust, and I realized that I could see a bridge over the river that I should not have been able to see, because the 35W bridge that SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE was now lying across the river in pieces! The people who were already out on deck were very agitated.

    We did get to witness the rescue of the wheelchair racer.

    We hung around in the upper lock for a while and finally headed back to the dock. Then the staff member who organized it gave all our untouched BBQ to the captain and crew because she was apparently too shaken up to feed us, and my spouse and I ended up at a burger place because we were starving. [Why yes, I AM still salty about the BBQ, it was a cruel thing to do to people who were trapped on a boat with no other food.]

    If we had not waited for that one engineer who had the car accident, if we had left on time, we could very well have been coming out of the lock when the bridge came down.

    I have been leery of dinner cruises ever since.

    2. Rocky*

      This is a wild story. How did the bridge collapse? And I’m sorry I don’t understand the reference to the wheelchair racer – is there a paragraph missing from the story?

      1. Lisa*

        The 35W bridge collapse was big news when it happened. It’s a big interstate. One of the people rescued lost his wheelchair van and racing wheelchair in the incident.

          1. fhqwhgads*

            Thanks for that. I assumed once the post mentioned a specific date it must’ve been something that was news at the time (either in MN or the general area), but admit to being very confused without googling it.

      2. MigraineMonth*

        The I-35W Mississippi River bridge was an 8-lane interstate in Minneapolis/St Paul and the third-largest in the state at the time it collapsed. According to the NTSB investigation, the main issue was a design flaw from a too-thin gusset plate. At the time of the collapse on Aug 1, 2007, half the lanes were closed for resurfacing; the 575,000 lbs of construction supplies and equipment probably contributed to the collapse. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-35W_Mississippi_River_bridge)

    3. WellRed*

      Did no one ask about the food? I’m glad your boat wasn’t passing under the bridge at the wrong time.

      1. MigraineMonth*

        Considering that they’d just witnessed a disaster that killed 13 people and injured 145, and which they’d narrowly avoided being involved in themselves, I imagine a lot of the passengers were in shock.

        (Yes, the organizer should have offered food to those who wanted it, but people do not act rationally when they’re in shock.)

    5. Grizabella the Glaimour Cat*

      Thanks for this! I was completely lost for a while there. The mention of the wheelchair racer in particular was quite a mysterious non sequitur at first. It’s good to know the whole story!

      1. Grizabella the Glaimour Cat*

        Nesting fail – that was supposed to be a reply to Lisa who posted links giving the whole story. Thanks, Lisa!

      1. Peanut Hamper*

        Too bad he wasn’t watching over the people on the bridge. 13 of them died as a result of this incident.

  23. VP of Monitoring Employees’ LinkedIn and Indeed Profiles*

    #7…

    In response I got a bombastic response from the CEO (who, mind you, never showed up to these lunches, or to work in general) that it WAS A TRADITION that these VERY IMPORTANT TO STAFF COHESION lunches were at noon….

    …even though the Cohesive Staff Members themselves agreed that 1:00 would be better!

  24. AnneCordelia*

    About the single-bite person– does anyone else remember the Ramona and Beezus story where Mom buys a bushel of apples, stores it in the basement, and Ramona goes down and takes one bite out of each apple. Because the first bite tastes the best! (The follow up: Mom has to cut off the bitten parts and process the rest into a huge amount of applesauce, which comes in handy as emergency rations when Ramona invites 20 neighborhood kids over for a party without telling anyone.)

    1. AnotherOne*

      you know, i’m beginning to reminder those stories more and think this might be why one of my nieces has gotten into those stories.

    2. Panicked*

      Oh, I loved the Ramona books when I was younger! MANY years later, anytime I feel sick to my stomach, I think “Go away, blue oatmeal!” from “Ramona Quimby, Age 8.”

    3. Knighthope*

      Love Ramona! Every time I see a reference to those books, I have to fight the urge to drop everything and reread them! (Like right now!)

      1. Lana Kane*

        I was a huge Ramona fan as a kid. As an adult I moved to Portland – we used to live near Klickitat Street and I’d smile every time I walked there.

    4. GammaGirl1908*

      I LOVED those books. Beverly Cleary passed away fairly recently (like, 2021-ish) at the age of 104.

      1. Margali*

        Those are some of the best kids’ books ever!! Also good and with a similar “flavor” are the Clementine books by Sara Pennypacker.

  25. Lenora Rose*

    The single bite of everything is extra strange as my husband once had a cat who did that to each and every bun he had just baked; one bite, but every single one. He assumed it decided it had to “kill” them.

    Not sure what the logic was of a human.

    1. The Body Is Round*

      We had a cat who would do that to marshmallows and donut holes if they were left within reach. Chase them around the floor, killing bite.

    2. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

      One of my late cats had a Thing for bread and if she managed to get hold of a bag of rolls or bagels she would tear it open, take a single bite out of each one, and leave them strewn around the living room for me to find when I got home.

      1. Alisaurus*

        Mine will go after anything with cheese, including cheese puffs (although she only likes the bougie ones from Trader Joe’s – which, unfortunately for me if I forget to put them away, come in a crinkly bag).

      2. MigraineMonth*

        My cat would viciously chew a loaf of bread through the plastic bag until it was nothing but crumbs and the bag had turned into a strainer. He wouldn’t actually eat the bread, just utterly destroy it.

      3. Snudence Prooter*

        I had a cat who would eat just the tops of Hawaiian rolls. The first time she attacked my sandwich I assumed she was working her way down to the ham, but then she found an entire package of mini Hawaiian rolls I forgot to put in the fridge. The fuzzy little jerk ate the top of most of them, and then bit at the tops of the rest.

        She never did this with other bread, which was about the only non-fruit human food she wasn’t interested in.

    3. RLC*

      We had a dog who did the single-bite test of any food left within reach. When I read the story I immediately thought “they have a colleague who is actually canine disguised as human”
      Normal for a dog, nasty and spiteful for a human.

  26. Jam Today*

    The single-biter is sociopathic, and I am only sort of joking when I say that. Like, there is something really, deeply wrong with a person who does that.

    1. Nobby Nobbs*

      It’s the same sort of deeply antisocial behavior as “decorating” the bathroom stall. There’s malice in that sort of germy protest…

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        And free-floating malice. They don’t care who gets sick or grossed out as long as somebody does.

      1. Lana Kane*

        No one’s in any danger! How could I make that any more clear to you? Okay. It’s an implication of danger.

  28. PhyllisB*

    The banana one reminded me of a time we had a church potluck and one woman brought…a baked potato. One baked potato.

    1. Alisaurus*

      It reminded me of a former coworker at a long ago job who wrapped a singular potato (with a face drawn on it) to be able to participate in the Yankee Swap gift game at the office holiday party.

  29. Yes And*

    Waffle Wednesdays does sound lovely, but… is anybody else thinking of the Waffle Party on Severance?

  30. A Pirate's Life For Me*

    My workplace once took us out on a boat as an employee appreciation thing. There were icebreakers and snacks. There were also door prizes in the form of gift bags. An exec drew employees’ names from a hat, and the winners could pick from a selection of mystery gift bags.

    By chance, my name was drawn first. Some of the bags were plain, and some had a pirate motif. I (female-presenting) took an awesome pirate bag because pirates are objectively cooler than not-pirates. I saw the (also-female-presenting) exec tense up a little as I reached for my bag, but she said nothing. I opened my bag to find… shampoo and body wash, both scented in very-obviously-masculine-coded “Teak.”

    Only then did it occur to me that the plain bags were *pink* and the pirate bags were *blue* and I, being a woman, was supposed to take one of the pink bags.

    I didn’t feel embarrassed about it, though, because

    1) what company, in the year of our Lord 201X, gender-codes their employee appreciation gifts?
    2) …without making it explicit??
    3) …by putting “girl” gifts in plain pink bags and “boy” gifts in pirate-themed bags???

    1. Yes And*

      I wrote a musical about a woman who rebels against corporate capitalism by coming to work dressed as a pirate, eventually leading a mutiny against her boss. It remains, alas, unproduced.

    2. AnotherOne*

      I just have so many questions. Starting with- how were they going to make sure that they pulled a presumably equal number of female presenting and male presenting names for their mystery gifts?

        1. A Pirate's Life For Me*

          It’s not, which is why I described it as masculine-coded. You know how packaging design is :P

    3. Jamoche*

      Were all the gifts scented body products? Because that’s also annoying in so many ways – body products are personal, you might not like scents, or not like that scent, or for many other reasons can’t use that particular product…

      And yet they keep showing up on “gifts for people you don’t know well” lists – oh, they don’t call them that, but you know that’s what they mean. And there’s always that one relative who buys them for you.

      1. Grizabella the Glaimour Cat*

        And a lot of people can’t use scented products at all, due to allergies/intolerances to scents. I wouldn’t have even been able to give that teak stuff to my husband, because we’re both equally allergic to such things.

        I’m kind of amazed that anyone in this day and age would be unaware that some of us are highly sensitive to such things. Maybe it just seems obvious to me, because avoiding scented products that make me sniffle, sneeze, itch, and/or break out in a rash is such an ingrained part of my daily existence, but come on, people!

    4. RVA Cat*

      Pirates and Teak makes me think Teek as in Xiala the seafaring siren woman from the Between Earth and Sky series. I finished Mirrored Heavens a month or so ago and really need to re-read the whole trilogy.

    5. fhqwhgads*

      …I was temporarily confused because shampoo and body wash as work gifts strikes me as not especially appropriate in general. And then add the layer where it’s kinda-sorta gendered scents? The whole thing is weird. Unless…the “girl” gifts were, like, swiss army knives or something. Then it’s hilarious.

  31. Managamber*

    Waffle Wednesday is so wholesome, and it reminded me of my less delightful experience with the tradition.

    It was my first month at a new job at a video game studio, and I came in one day and heard it was “Waffle Wednesday.” A coworker explained that one guy made a big batch of waffle batter and left it in the fridge, and people could make their own in the waffle iron throughout the day. There was also syrup, butter, etc.

    I was nervous about doing it wrong since I was so new, and double checked that it was okay for me to just help myself to the batter. My coworker assured me it was fine.

    He was telling the truth! It was fine! But he did forget to tell me that, since it was summer, I had to turn the fan off in the kitchen before turning on the waffle maker or I’d blow the circuit and turn off everyone’s computers. Which is what I did.

    1. LaminarFlow*

      I cackled at that part! I had a colleague who was sort of similar in that she would ask people if the ingredients in the thing they brought to a potluck were organic. And, if they were organic, she was downright evangelical about the item – organic cookies just taste SOOO MUCH BETTER!!! Also, she was definitely not a healthful eating/living enthusiast, as she came in with a McDonald’s bag at least 4 times per week.

      1. Roy G. Biv*

        I would have had an overwhelming urge to stare at the McDonald’s bag, and then loudly announce, “I don’t think McDonald’s is organic.” Every time.

    2. Jessica in higher ed*

      But her imaginary hypothetical cheesecake definitely would have been completely superior to LW’s (delicious sounding!) cheesecakes! (Which could be eaten by real coworkers in the actual world.)

  33. good advice*

    love waffle Wednesdays. I remember at my first job morale was low. we were forced by funders to take over a failing agency and take their cases. those cases were a mess and a lot more work and people were overwhelmed and stretched thin. our supervisors supported how they could by pitching in but there really was not a lot of recognition of how above and beyond people were still going with the increased load – especially as some people got more of the new cases than others. I made a comment about that in passing during supervision – truly a passing comment to explain why I was stressed when my supervisor asked. a week or two later the supervisors arranged for our staff meeting to be a catered meal and gave awards where they recognized ways each of the staff had gone above and beyond. it truly felt like an awards show and improved morale so much. things settled down once we got those cases caught up but it helped to be recognized how crazy it was for about 6 to 9 months

  35. Working N95*

    I’m in a c-suite phase of my career after two decades of intense advocacy nonprofit work and I’m tempted to use “Waffle Wednesdays” as a shorthand for career goals. I wish to have an executive job where I have enough time to regularly participate in something joyful for the rest of staff that brings colleagues together. That sounds incredible!

    Back to the board deck/panicked rapid response work…

  36. befunky*

    The guy came home to go back to work to grill?? I’m sorry but that is so sad and pathetic. I feel bad for his family!

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