my job made me a shocking counteroffer, how to meet people at a new job, and more

by Alison Green on November 18, 2024

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My job made me a shocking counteroffer

I just had a bizarre experience. I’m an IT analyst at a global org, and we’ve been going through a painful and poorly executed agile implementation for the past 14 months. I could write a book about all my complaints, but long story short: I got another job because agile is driving me nuts, the dysfunction here is bad for my health, and I’m paid below the market rate.

I’m in my notice period, and was just pulled into our director’s office today and asked if I’d be interested in a senior management position, reporting directly to a VP, managing a team of 15-20 people (my current colleagues!). I’ve never managed even one person. I’ve got “senior” in my job title, but I’m not very senior in the structure here. I’m just not junior.

I know I am above average as an employee, I’m trusted and have good relationships, I’m a smart worker and good at articulating issues, and I’ve been here for over five years so my leaving is a blow. I tend to be modest and underestimate my impact, but come on. Senior management? Me? Why? Figuring out how to reestablish relationships with the team, many of whom are currently senior to me (!!!) as their manager feels insane. It feels like a trap.

The guy who was in the same role for the past year was just fired for being ineffective. There is so much political maneuvering going on, it’s hard to trust anyone — and the master manipulator is the director who floated this option to me. It feels like I’m being used as a pawn. But it’s also made me start second guessing myself — am I undervaluing myself so much? — and it’s coming right at the time where leaving feels very real and change is scary, so I feel vulnerable to this nonsense. How am I even supposed to react to this?

Trust your gut. You’re in the process of leaving, you made a decision you felt good about, and now someone who you describe as a master manipulator is offering you something that doesn’t make sense to you to try to change your mind.

I don’t want to discount the possibility that you’re some kind of wunderkind — the rare person who could leapfrog over several layers of advancement to walk into a senior management role and thrive — but that person is very rare. You’ve never managed anyone, and you’d be managing a large team; that in itself would give me pause. The first year or two of managing is very difficult, managing managers is a whole other level of learning and difficulty, and this is a place that just fired the last person in that job for being ineffective; I’d be awfully concerned about walking into that job without experience. I’m also concerned that the “master manipulator” who offered this sees it as a short-term solution to two problems (you leaving, and the vacancy created by firing the other guy), not as something in your best interests.

Plus you were leaving for reasons that wouldn’t go away just because you moved up; if anything, the dysfunction you’ve already identified as bad for your health is likely to be worse in a more senior role.

Stick to your original plan and don’t be this person’s pawn.

2. How can I talk to people at my new office?

I’m three weeks in to a new job that requires office presence (hybrid), after four years of working from home. I work from a satellite office and nobody on my team is located here. About three times a week, I drive to the office, badge in, sit at the desk I’ve reserved, and do my onboarding work. I stop by the pantry for tea and snacks occasionally. I eat lunch at my desk. I haven’t spoken to another human. It didn’t bother me at first, but now I’ve realized that I’m in a bad mood on office days and I think I’m starved for human interaction. It doesn’t help that I don’t have much work yet and rarely talk to my coworkers on calls either.

For the office people, it’s a different mix every day. I see some of them talking to each other about work sometimes. But I also see a lot of people who never talk to anyone. I suspect they’re also just here to get their badge swipes. Any advice for talking to strangers in the break room so I can feel like a live human? Or not and just being okay with it?

Introduce yourself to people! The break room is the perfect place to do it. It is completely socially acceptable to walk up to someone in the break room and say, “Hi, I’m Jane! I just started recently and no one from my team is based here, so I’m trying to meet people!” Most will be happy to introduce themselves in return and you can ask questions about what they do, how long they’ve worked there, etc. If you sense a particular rapport with someone, ask if they’d be up for getting coffee sometime and telling you more about the company. This is how work friendships are made! (They’re easier to make if you’re thrown into contact via doing actual work together, but this will work too.)

Also, try eating lunch in the break room sometimes rather than at your desk; it will put you into contact with more people.

3. Can discussing salaries be an anti-trust problem?

This no longer affects me as I’ve moved on, but I am wondering if something a company I worked for previously is doing is on the right side of the law (and, if it is technically legal, if it’s as shady as I think it is).

The company I worked for was purchased by a much larger company. Literally everything I learned about the larger company after that was somehow been worse than their already questionable reputation in the industry led me to believe. I left not long after we were purchased, as their business practices were concerning and they seemed to treat employees more like liabilities than assets.

Before I left, we all had to do some training with the larger company. Some of the training was solid, but the thing that stuck out to me was the section on anti-trust concerns. The training material said that discussing salaries can violate anti-trust regulations, but it did not say how or under what circumstances this would be the case; it was just included on a list of things that could pose a liability.

I understand that sharing salaries with competing companies could possibly be an issue, but they did not expound upon the situations in which sharing salary information might be in violation of anti-trust regulations, which I imagine would lead a lot of employees to assume that discussing their salaries amongst themselves is potentially illegal. Does this seem as deliberately misleading to you as it does to me? Could this be interpreted as them illegally prohibiting employees from discussing salaries? Or is it just legal enough for them to squeak by? Am I thinking about this the right way?

It’s hard to say without seeing the specific wording on the materials. If they were implying that discussing salaries with fellow coworkers could be an anti-trust issue, then (a) that’s an extraordinarily audacious bit of bullshit and (b) it would indeed put them at odds with the National Labor Relations Act, which prohibits actions that cast a chilling effect on workers’ ability to exercise their rights under that law.

But sharing salaries with other companies in your industry (not coworkers within your own company) can be an anti-trust concern if it’s used to keep salaries down, and I suspect/hope that’s what they were referring to.

4. HR wants me to sign up for their disability and life insurance

It’s benefit elections time where I work. I signed up for pretty much the boilerplate options last year, which was health insurance and a few other items, including a life insurance policy and a disability insurance policy.

This year I decided to waive the life insurance and the disability, because I’d rather have the money and the plans don’t seem very good. After submitting my selections, I got an email from our HR person asking me if I was aware that I waived them. It felt a little passive-aggressive and weird. Why does she care? Also, I think she knows damn well I didn’t waive them by accident. What do you think?

I wouldn’t be convinced she knows you didn’t waive them by accident; you’d be surprised by how many people do things like that and then are surprised/upset when the insurance isn’t available to them later. By confirming you intended it, she wards off those complaints later. It’s also possible that your company needs a certain percentage of employees signed up in order to offer the rates they offer. And/or she may just think it’s a good deal that you should take advantage of. (For what it’s worth, while not everyone needs life insurance, especially if you don’t have dependents, disability insurance is usually a good idea if the plan is right, although this one may not be.)

If you don’t want them, just confirm that you intended to waive them and don’t worry about it beyond that.

5. Making sure job postings are legitimate

I work for a large company in a medium-large city. Due to our size and industry, we are always hiring. My responsibilities include managing our LinkedIn presence; in that capacity, I have noticed a concerning trend.

In the past couple of months, I have received several LinkedIn direct messages from job seekers questioning the legitimacy of jobs for which someone posing as us contacted them. The messages usually included a job description and an invitation to download an app to participate in an interview. Very often, the name of the “interviewer” is the name of one of our HR executives or recruiters.

I heard from at least 10 people who, thankfully, contacted us before downloading any software. I shudder to think of how many job seekers believed the offer to be real and downloaded malicious software, thinking they corresponded with my company when they were instead being scammed.

Readers, please go directly to a company’s website to confirm that a job posting is legitimate. Apply for the job directly from that website. Do not download software of any kind that is sent to you by someone you don’t know. The scammers are getting more sophisticated when it comes to taking advantage of job seekers. Please be careful out there.

Thank you.

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{ 26 comments }

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Certaintroublemaker*

    #5, this is yikes! I hope you’ve added info on your company’s LinkedIn that directs people to your Jobs webpage and notes that you do not recruit or interview through specialized apps.

    Reply ↓
  2. Jessica*

    LW1, Alison is right. This is a poisoned chalice: don’t drink. Run away and hopefully restore your sanity at the new job.

    Reply ↓
    1. learnedthehardway*

      Agreed – on top of all the serious problems that the implementation itself is having, you’d be also having to establish yourself as a manager, when you haven’t led even a small team before, and with people who are more senior than you.

      It really sounds like the Director might be setting the project up for failure, with you as the fall guy, so the company can just axe the entire initiative. OR, it’s possible the Director will put you in the role to keep the lights on with the project, but will plan to replace you when a more qualified candidate can be found. Colour me paranoid, but I think these are both valid concerns.

      Reply ↓
      1. Ellie*

        If I had to take a bet, it would be more on the side of the Director doesn’t have a clue what they are doing. It feels too convenient that they just sacked one manager and offered the role to a senior who is leaving. It feels like a blatant attempt to get OP to stay, without any reference to how successful they will be.

        OP – if you are destined for management, you will find yourself there through some other means. If you take this job, all of the problems and frustrations you were having will suddenly be on you to solve. I wouldn’t walk into that kind of a role without having at least two things: firstly, the confidence that you can fix at least some of the problems (or at least make them more tolerable), and secondly, the mutual respect and backing of the manager you will be working for. It doesn’t sound like you will have either of those things here.

        Take the other job.

        Reply ↓
          1. BellaStella*

            This for sure. The VP sounds like they do not have a clue. Which is partly why, I bet, the project is painful and failing now, too.

            Reply ↓
  3. FunkyMunky*

    I don’t understand #2 – what exactly is the point of hybrid if none of your team mates are present? it’s like going into a random office with strangers lol. would anyone even notice if you never come in? I have all the questions

    Reply ↓
    1. In the same boat*

      I’m in OP’s situation. I am the local widget support for the office, but my teammates are all in other offices supporting widgets there. Occasionally I work with someone at my office, but not regularly. Yet I still go in to obey the RTO policy, which is aimed at the rest of the office who does collaborate with their local colleagues.

      It is very weird like you say! And I often wonder what is the point of going in!

      For OP, some things that work for me are working in a visible place like communal tables that people walk by a lot–others have congregated there and sometimes we chat, however this does impact my workflow sometimes… Also someone started a regular “coffee break” in the afternoons, so people gather in the break room to chat and drink coffee once a week.

      Sometimes I come up with icebreaker topics or questions in advance. Like asking about a local sports team, asking someone for advice on nearby restaurants or the best way to commute, lowkey gossip about how things are run at the company (like “how often do the CEOs visit this office? What are they like?” level).

      Having a goal of talking to 1 or 2 people, or setting something else as a goal (wearing clothes that make me feel fancy, or getting a special drink at Starbucks) makes me feel less grumpy about having to go in for no reason.

      Reply ↓
      1. Lexi Vipond*

        I can imagine a situation a bit like yours where it does make sense to have one person from a certain team in each office each day – reception cover, local IT support, maybe HR, maybe building management.

        And the OP might end up a bit like that, because they say they’re still doing onboarding work. But in that case it would be nice if there was someone who could act as local onboarding buddy, showing off the building and introducing people and having a brief chat from time to time. (I know this isn’t something the OP can fix personally.)

        I don’t always chat much in the office, but I like being there – partly change of scene (literally, I suppose, because my office has a nice view of Georgian buildings), and partly just having other humans around me. So the people not seen chatting may not be miserable, just quiet!

        Reply ↓
    2. The Minotaur*

      My partner is in this situation. His giant company ordered everyone back to office. In practice this means people go to an office just to talk to people across the country on zoom. Zero of his teammates are in his office. In this company’s case it’s because of real estate and to get more people to leave so there isn’t yet another round of layoffs.

      Reply ↓
      1. BellaStella*

        The best kind of incompetent management – the kind that wants all of us in office just to use zoom. Butts in seats mentality is so annoying and so disruptive and shows just how bad managers can be.

        Reply ↓
    3. Viki*

      In this situation, it depends on how management is counting days in office.

      I know that for us it’s the badges in/out of the office. I also know that as the only one on my team in my time zone, I come into the office to check an email and then go home (my office is a badge in/no badge out).

      When there is sweeping RTO, management generally does not have/want the push back to c-suits for this.

      Reply ↓
    4. Ellie*

      I’ve had that situation where the network is not accessible from outside, or there’s a physical system that needs to be monitored and maintained. So essentially, you can’t do a large part of your role from home. But most of the time, its more like that’s the policy, and although it doesn’t make sense to enforce it everywhere, that’s what ends up happening.

      OP – is there anything like a social club that you can join? Any way for you to get involved in training or a community of practice, mentoring, or anything else that would allow you to meet a few people? If not… well, I cope with the disappointment of working in the office by giving myself little treats. On Monday (the worst day) I buy a curry for lunch. Another day, I call into the shops on the way home to pick up fresh fruit/veg/bread, etc. for the week. You can make one of the days into a gym or a yoga day, and have your clothing in the car ready to go. It makes me feel like there’s a point to leaving the house.

      Reply ↓
    5. Beth**

      I have a colleague in this situation, except that the majority of the time she goes into the satellite office, she’s THE ONLY PERSON THERE. The other people based in that office mainly have field-based roles, so most of their jobs are being out and about all day.

      My colleague goes in the mandatory 40% of the time because she’s based at the satellite location because it suits her for personal/family reasons and she doesn’t want to give our employer an excuse to require her to relocate back to where our main office is (which is also where all of our team is). But it really is completely pointless for her to go into an empty office and sit alone all day when she could WFH .

      Reply ↓
  4. LizWings*

    I suspect that if we were to get an update in a year (yes please!) from #1, they would say that they settled in nicely at their new job, and while it didn’t pay as much as they were counter-offfered to stay at Old Job, they are nonetheless happy to have less stress and have avoided the absolute mess at old job which promptly fired within 6 months and threw blame at the person they hired in the Sr. management position!

    Reply ↓
  5. Daria grace*

    #1 this whole situation is full of bees. It sounds like a role that as talented as you no doubt are does not set you up for success, even more so now that you’ve got that you’d intended to leave potentially colouring your relationships at work. If they do not usually make promotions like this and have people be successful in them, you should be incredibly skeptical about why they are doing so now

    Reply ↓
  6. Bilateralrope*

    LW1: I don’t think this promotion offer is because your employer wants to keep you long term. It’s because they want to transition you out of whatever work you are currently doing on a schedule that is convenient for them. Then they will fire you for not being able to handle the role they have promoted you into.

    If they are competent, it might even cost them less than whatever disruption you’re causing with your current notice period.

    Stick to your current notice period.

    Reply ↓
  8. Adam*

    LW4, I think it’s probably company policy to confirm any reduction in insurance coverage, and that’s a very reasonable policy to have. Dropping coverage by accident isn’t super likely, but the effects could be enormous if it does happen, so better safe than sorry.

    Reply ↓
  9. RCB*

    #4 I’ve done employee benefits for over a decade and ALWAYS double check with someone when they don’t sign up for something, especially when it’s something they previously signed up for. It’s just common sense, people make mistakes and only about 10% of employees (I’m not exaggerating) understand benefits fully so there is a huge amount of confusion with most employees, so confirming before deadlines saves everyone tons of times versus finding a mistake later.

    Reply ↓
    1. Irish Teacher.*

      Yeah, I think it’s very likely that HR is concerned the LW made a mistake. It’s often very easy to. And people don’t always read paperwork carefully.

      Reply ↓
  10. Michigander*

    LW4: She does not care personally what you’re signed up for. I can pretty much guarantee that over the years she’s fielded numerous panicked emails and calls from people who messed up their insurance enrollment so now she double checks anything that seems out of the ordinary to try to reduce the number of those complaints later on.

    Reply ↓
  11. Texan in exile on her phone*

    LW4 and everyone else: Please take the life insurance and the disability insurance. Even if you have no dependents, it costs money to bury you. I see so many Go Fund Mes for funeral expenses.

    And if you become disabled, any income is better than no income.

    Reply ↓
  12. Still*

    OP#1, it’s not undervaluing yourself to think that it’s not a good idea to jump from 0 direct reports to 20. That would be an enormous and risky jump even at a great company with tons of support. But at a company that’s as disfunctional as you’re describing? All of the problems that have driven you to job-hunt are going to affect you exponentially more when you’re managing 20 people. You do not want this job.

    Reply ↓
    1. Not Australian*

      Yeah, no serious employer that cared about staff welfare/morale would ever think of making such a stupid offer in the first place. They’re just hoping OP will be flattered enough to accept and give them a ready-made scapegoat for future disasters … which there certainly *will* be. OP, let them know you see through their little game: *out* is the best place for you right now.

      Reply ↓

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