a good news story

by Alison Green on December 17, 2024

A note from a reader:

I’ve been an avid reader for years, and have always appreciated your no-nonsense advice. I hadn’t realized quite how much I had absorbed until I needed it, though.

Earlier this year I started a new role in an industry I’m very familiar with. I was assigned to work with Cedric, who was at the same level as me in our organization’s hierarchy. It’s a small industry and word had gotten around about Cedric — that he didn’t deliver on projects, took 4-5 days’ sick leave each month, started late and left early — but it was made clear that I wasn’t his manager, so I just had to learn to work with him (the frustration was evident!). Our manager works from a different location and would be managing us remotely.

In week three, Cedric took me aside and said that he had been going through a significant mental health crisis over the last six months and had also been diagnosed as autistic, but didn’t feel safe raising this with our managers. He asked if I could have oversight of delegating his work, because he felt comfortable and safe with me.

I had a chat with our manager who was very happy to trial a new system where I oversaw the overall work program and Cedric’s workload, but development and performance were still managed remotely.

It’s been three months and everything is coming up Millhouse! It turns out he had been given big projects like “organize a llama grooming workshop” with no input from others, and no clear due date, milestones, budget, or agenda — no wonder he was floundering when you added in mental health challenges and neurodivergence! We now have daily and weekly catchups and one-pagers for each project with clear outcomes, we’ve designed some new processes together, and most importantly he knows I have his back. He still has some “wobbles” (his words) but they are much less frequent, and he’s been super proactive about working out what has caused the wobble so we can address it. (For instance, we have moved to a quieter part of the office with less sensory overload, and our catchups are mid-morning once he has settled in for the day.)

My manager is astounded at the turnaround, I’ve been promoted to team leader, and Cedric is smashing his work program. I’ve kept his confidences about his health, so if anyone asks I just say we’ve got some new ways of doing things that Cedric seems to gel with.

All that advice you dole out on the regular — be up-front about expectations, be kind, look for practical solutions, be friendly but don’t be friends with your subordinates, acknowledge that everyone has something going on in the background — has been gold.

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{ 67 comments }

{ 67 comments… read them below or add one }

    1. MrsThePlague*

      I read this as one of the lyrics from the Macklemore song Thrift Store and it made me even happier!!

      (I’m gonna pop some tags/Only got 20 dollars in my pocket/I’m, I’m, I’m hunting, looking for a come up/This is effin awesome) :’D

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  3. Nice cup of tea*

    It is a massive compliment from someone autistic to tell you that you are a safe person.

    You have made a massive difference to Cedric.

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      2. Nerd Fun*

        Good for you, OP! You’ve made a huge difference in Cedric’s work life. Many thanks to you for sharing and, of course, to Alison. Like you, I appreciate the sound, practical advice and the great community that has grown around AAM.

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  5. Alice*

    This is great. I’m autistic and having clear goals and regular check ins have helped me so much in the workplace too, even before I was diagnosed.

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  8. Cmdrshprd*

    “It turns out he had been given big projects like “organize a llama grooming workshop” with no input from others, and no clear due date, milestones, budget, or agenda — no wonder he was floundering when you added in mental health challenges and neurodivergence!”

    Honestly I think some/many people (I’m sure some rockstars would be able to roll with it) without mental health challenges and neurotypical would have issues with the lack of guidance/direction.

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    2. OP*

      Oh absolutely! There was some additional context that I left out of my letter for brevity, but in a nutshell, everyone expected Cedric to push back if he needed guidance, and that wasn’t something he felt comfortable doing before I came along.

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    3. Captain_SafetyPants*

      This just helped me put words around a struggle I’ve been having at my own workplace! The director is frustrated that a program I’m supposed to be implementing isn’t making quicker progress, but I was also not given a due date, expected milestones, or any guidance on what the steps and pace of program implementation at this company are meant to include, or what kinds of process aids or training or communication the end users will need —all for a bunch of employees who are in a different department and whose normal work processes I’m not familiar with. I want a one pager and clear outcomes! Thanks for your articulate framing of the problem!

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    4. Resentful Oreos*

      Wowza, it sounds like he was thrown right in at the deep end. I think *most* people – neurodivergent or not – would flail. Maybe some rock star types who have years of experience wouldn’t, but they would be the exception.

      I’m glad things are working out so well all around.

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    5. Education Mike*

      The first several times I’ve been in situations like this, I wasn’t able to ID that the problem wasn’t just “I suck.” I developed so much anxiety around work but couldn’t pinpoint why, and just felt dumb and like I was floundering. No wonder Cedric was calling out so often; the stress and anxiety of this must have been crushing.

      This is truly such a heartwarming story AND a great example of how being empathetic and working around different people’s needs is actually good for business, too. Thanks for sharing OP!

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  9. Enough*

    It turns out he had been given big projects like “organize a llama grooming workshop” with no input from others, and no clear due date, milestones, budget, or agenda — no wonder he was floundering …
    You don’t have to have any other issues to not due well under these conditions.

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    2. Dahlia*

      True, but his neurodivergence does complicate it in a way that neurotypical people may not. “Ability to ask for help when faced with a task you don’t understand how to do” is often part of the criteria when diagnosing autism.

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  10. This is my Day Job*

    THIS is exactly what neurodiversity inclusion should look like! I’m sad (but not surprised) that Cedric didn’t feel safe disclosing to your managers, but OP you absolutely smashed it! I’m so glad you’re working well together, and I hope Cedric feels safe enough to share what’s worked for him and why, so management can see the benefits of the right support!

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  12. beepboop*

    Love this. Bummer that making these accommodations has fallen to you (it should be the responsibility of your employer and we should live in a world where employees can share their disabilities without fear of repercussions, but alas) BUT I’m very glad Cedric has you and that you’ve found a solution that serves you both!

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  13. Cher*

    Thank you so much for doing this! We can be incredible as long as we operate within our healthy boundaries. That is so kind of you and it’s great that it seems to be working well with how you operate too.

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    1. OP*

      Thank you! It is definitely a more hands-on approach than I expected to have when I took the job, but the benefits far outweigh the initial demands on my time.

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      1. Lady Lessa*

        OP, a lot of us would like to have more hands on management. Not like having shifting goals, and hearing two opposite things from different folks. Like make it cheaper, we can’t sell something that expensive AND make it better (but it will be more expensive)

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  15. UpstateDownstate*

    What a great post – congrats and I wish more people were like you at work! I also really liked the ‘be friendly but not friends.’

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    1. OP*

      Thank you! Alison’s advice was spot on as always. For Cedric and I, that means we have frequent chats about DnD, the books I’m reading, or our weekend plans, but we don’t socialise outside of work or share highly personal information (other than what he disclosed to me).

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  16. Nonprofit writer*

    As the proud auntie of an awesome autistic kid, I’m so happy to read this & I hope he has coworkers like you when he grows up!

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    1. OP*

      I wish! The threat of redundancy is hovering over all of us at the moment, and it’s likely that Cedric’s fixed term contract won’t be renewed at the end of summer as a result. But he told me the other day that he knows what accommodations to ask for in his next job because of how we work together, and that made my day.

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      1. Serenity*

        OP, that is a gift of gold.

        I have an autistic young adult, diagnosed in late high school, and the big thing we’re working on is learning what to ask for, what works, and how to build a life that they can continue to level up over time. I can’t even put words on how much good you are doing in the world by managing the way you are with this staff. Thank you for sharing this story.

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      2. Observer*

        But he told me the other day that he knows what accommodations to ask for in his next job because of how we work together, and that made my day.

        That is *awesome*. It’s like the old saying about teaching someone to fish, rather than just handing fish. You’ve taught him how to fish, and that’s something that’s going to help him for the rest of his life.

        But also, I think you’ve taught him what good management looks like, even though you were not technically his manager when you came in.

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  18. KCD*

    This makes me so happy. Well done OP! It is such a great example of building working relationships by looking at how people/teams can best work together instead of how things have been traditionally done. Made my day!

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  20. Pipe Organ Guy*

    Well done, OP!

    Cedric trusted you with important personal information, and you put things together to help him excel! Awesome!

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  23. Peanut Hamper*

    “Wobbles”

    Cedric, my friend, I am stealing this. Because this is the perfect word to describe my own issues. Thank you.

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    1. OP*

      We all wobble occasionally. Cedric has no idea I’ve written in to AAM (and I don’t intend to tell him) but I think he would be happy to know you’re adopting his phrase. Go well!

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  31. Turquoisecow*

    This is the most wonderful thing I think I’ve read on this site, amazing work OP. What a great way to support your coworker and do good things for yourself and the business. No wonder they see you as management material, this is exactly the sort of thing a good manager SHOULD do.

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    1. Jane*

      I LOVE THIS STORY! OP you sound so wonderful and competent and few things are more rewarding than helping someone else develop their competence.

      I started reading this site way back in 2011 if not earlier when I never dreamed I would ever be in a position to use most of the advice and had also vowed to never work at a nonprofit, fast forward to now where I manage people at a nonprofit. I hate managing people but I CAN do it thanks in no small part to this site.

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  33. Artemesia*

    I love that you didn’t approach him as a problem with bias. I found similar success as a teacher by not assuming that students with a bad reputation were hopeless. By treating them with high expectations and with respect they often did just fine.

    It would have been so easy to treat this guy as a loser and burden. Spectacular results here.

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  34. Resentful Oreos*

    This post made me feel so happy! Happy for OP, Cedric, and Alison and the commentariat for their advice.

    I am so glad you were able to help Cedric out and give him back his confidence, OP. I will say that the management sounds – shoddy, at the very least. Throwing someone “here do this project” with no guidance, no input, no due dates, no milestones – I think just about anyone would be drowning. I hope Cedric now realizes this is NOT normal or functional, so if he does have to go look for a new job, he will have a sense if something is off or not.

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  36. slowlyaging*

    How possibly could thoughtfulness improve the business, one person’s business skills, and help you grow your skills. hmmmmmm…. love this

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  39. mcdonalds grimace*

    I got teary-eyed reading this, OP you are a legend <3 I've had some excellent managers in my time, but none of whom I would consider a safe person so, seriously, kudos to you!
    Sounds like you've helped him out longterm too :)

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  41. RCB*

    This is beyond incredible, truly one of the most heart-warming things I’ve ever read on here, you are a wonderful person for stepping up to help Cedric to succeed.

    I don’t want to add too much to your plate, but I hope you are also working on a plan for how Cedric can succeed without you. I’ve seen too many times where someone is in a certain role and it seems like everything will fall apart without them and/or someone will get hurt if they leave, and right now I feel like there may be a feeling that without you, Cedric will fail in his job, and that is A LOT of pressure on you. You may want to leave but feel you can’t, or you may have to leave but get dogged by massive stress and it impacts your health, there are so many ways this can hurt you, and also Cedric. What you are doing now is absolutely amazing, but please ensure that you are eventually getting it to the point where you are not the only one who can lead Cedric to success, because it’s very likely that you won’t be there forever.

    Reply ↓

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