update: how much can I pet my cat on video calls?

by Alison Green on December 9, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer who wanted to know how much they could pet their cat on video calls? Here’s the update.

The cats are doing great! And so am I, pretty much. I got promoted recently, and my manager was a big reason why; she went to bat for me and sang my praises, both to me and the higher-ups.

When I wrote in, I was stressed in general because my boss was giving me lots of nitpicky negative feedback and no positive feedback, so I was concerned about my performance / hypervigilant about other things I might be doing wrong. I realized recently that (a) she and I are both fairly neurodivergent; (b) what I thought was needless micromanaging was in fact subtle advice for how to behave when I’m in a higher position — she has said since then that she’s preparing me for a management role; (c) although she rarely gives positive feedback on a day-to-day basis, whenever I ask how I’m doing / meet for a performance evaluation, she effusively praises my strengths / how I’ve grown / how I’m valuable, and says how grateful she is to have me on her team; (d) she is always respectful in her behavior; and (e) she is very open to critical feedback herself, thanks me for it, and modifies her behavior based on it.

As I’ve been understanding more about what she wants from me and putting it into practice, the “nitpicking” has lessened dramatically. Ironically, having instant critical feedback on a day-to-day basis and rock-solid support during performance evaluations, has allowed me to lower my defenses and relax a lot!

Your nuanced advice regarding cat interactions has allowed me to not worry about it anymore. I try to keep my cats off-camera as much as possible, so I don’t forget and kiss them on the head, but luckily most of my meetings are with my tiny team and are camera-free. I think if I’m ever in a more important meeting with with my camera on and Babka decides it’s lap time, I’ll probably need to turn off video / mute while I lock her in another room, because she is Persistent and has Many Feelings. Now that I’m more confident, once in a while I’ll turn my camera on briefly so that my tiny team can see Babka on my shoulder — but then again, my boss loves cats and often has whole conversations with her cat while she’s in meetings with us. :) And I know She Would Tell Me if she wanted me to change!

the cats in question

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{ 71 comments }

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  1. Pizza Rat*

    Congratulations on the promotion!

    I think Allison’s guidelines for cat interactions are just fine. I don’t mind quiet pets being on video calls, but I would draw the line at cat butt on camera.

    1. Another Lab Rat*

      Back in the early days of covid, we were conducting interviews for potential new lab techs on Zoom. One of our candidates had two cats, one of whom unexpectedly treated the panel to a full cat-butt display mid-interview.

      We hired him.

      1. JustaTech*

        One of my coworkers had a kitten walk across her laptop in the middle of her interview.

        I have a friend who stopped in the middle of an in-person interview to say “kitty” when the office cat walked by the conference room. It was marked as a point in his favor and he worked there happily for several years.

    2. HiddenT*

      My orange cat often shows up for meetings (she seems to think if I’m looking intently at the screen/other people are talking, it means she needs attention Right Now), and I have often put a hand over the börthole to shield my coworkers from the view.

    3. Alexander Graham Yell*

      The fastest way to get my cats off of calls is to push their tails down to cover the most unattractive parts of their attempts to show off their butts to my coworkers. It offends them greatly, and they will hop off the desk and glare are me from somewhere else in the room.

    4. Delta Delta*

      I had a zoom meeting the other day that my cat decided to join. First she just sort of ambled through, but then she decided to turn tail-first into the camera and show the participants who she is. I put my hand over her rump in the way you’d put your hand over a little kid’s eyes, and this made everyone in the meeting giggle.

  2. Funny Cide*

    The update we’ve all been waiting for, thank you! Congrats on things going well and also on having cute cats.

    1. allathian*

      Yes, this.

      I’m so glad that my org is laid back enough that all of my teammates’ pets get a look in once in a while. Even my grandboss sometimes has her poodle show up in our departmental meetings. The dog’s a full-size one so too big to sit in her lap, but she’ll stand with her front paws on the desk and look straight at the camera. My close coworker has a Jack Russell terrier and his current temporary replacement has a huge Maine Coon cat, and several other coworkers also have cats. I enjoy their visits to our meetings.

      1. Funny Cide*

        I thought I fully embarrassed myself in front of a very high level person at my org when my cat crashed a new hire orientation (I hadn’t expected it to be camera-on), but she actually said she missed having as many zoom meetings and getting to see people’s pets.

      2. Princess Sparklepony*

        As for being too big, I used to baby sit at a house with a greyhound, not a whippet, a full sized greyhound. She decided that she was a lap dog. And I concurred with her. After the kids were in bed, we had some nice snuggle time. The family was kind of meh, but the dog was a sweetheart.

  4. br_612*

    I kiss my cats on their little foreheads in meetings all the time. They won’t be denied and my clients and teammates think it’s cute.

    My field (pharma) is kind of laid back in some ways though. We’re mostly all nerds at heart, rates of neurodivergence are higher, a lot of us come from lab environments, etc. If it was a meeting with the FDA, or if I was involved in any investor meetings (thankfully I am not), I’d lock the cats away for that meeting. But many CEOs, CMOs (medical officer), presidents, etc have met Nori. Generally I just keep trucking through the meeting when she makes an appearance and everyone else follows that lead.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      Yes–cat photo with the original letter and with the update! I am happy to see Babka and Momo have retained their cuteness (even if Babka is getting less video-call pets than she would prefer).

  8. Dawn*

    I can very much sympathize, I also have a black cat who is Persistent and has Many Feelings (in fact, she’s on my lap right now because she’s annoyed that she’s had to wear the harness all day because we’re expecting a contractor and she refuses to be put in her crate anymore.)

  9. Jojo*

    This is a wonderful update, I’m happy that things are going well. Also, thank you for sharing “she is Persistent and has Many Feelings” I never know how to explain what my orange boy is like, and this is a very apt description of him. Calling him an aggressive snuggler just doesn’t capture how mad he gets if I close him out of the room when I take a nap.

  12. H.Regalis*

    Super cute cats ^_^

    My cat will also tell me if she wants lap time and isn’t getting it. She is very vocal and persistent about everything she wants. I decided that she runs a small non-profit focused on advocating for the needs of cats in her territory (i.e. her).

  13. Wayward Sun*

    Our cat becomes a lap cat the instant I start a zoom call, because she loves attention and can tell when it’s being directed at something that isn’t her. Fortunately everyone I zoom with enjoys seeing her.

    1. Marion Ravenwood*

      My cat is the same (“Talking to someone who isn’t me?! How DARE you!!!”) and will basically launch herself at my lap the second she hears the Teams dialling tone. Luckily my current team don’t seem to mind – I’m leaving my job this week and I feel like they will miss her more than me!

  14. House On The Rock*

    My black cat, aka The Living Muppet, wants affection when she wants it and on her terms…which means usually when I’m in the middle of a work call. Unless I’m actively talking, turning the camera off for a few seconds while I get her situated on my lap is usually doable, and we are both happier for it.

    Your babies are beautiful and I hope you can kiss their sweet little heads lots and lots as time allows!

  15. Hermione Danger*

    “…because she is Persistent and has Many Feelings.” Ah. Yes. I have one of those too. She has her feelings Very Loudly.

  16. YesIwannaseeyourcat*

    Excellent update! I ran online CLEs during the pandemic. I had a rule that if your pet or child came in frame, we needed their name and a fun fact about them. It was the best

  18. The Starsong Princess*

    I steeped away from a Zoom a few weeks ago while they were talking about a topic I’m not involved in. I muted and turned off my video. My cat sleeps in a basket on my desk. I was only gone two minutes! When I got back, everyone was laughing. Apparently, he jumped on the keyboard, turning the sound and video back on. He then shoved his face into the camera, meowed to get everyone’s attention and flopped down to wash his butt. They thought it was hilarious. Anyone, I usually push him away during meetings and he generally goes to sleep. But I do get a lot of “Where’s is he?” if he hasn’t made an appearance in a while.

    2. Mentally Spicy*

      Cats and keyboards really don’t mix well. The other day one of my cats walked across my keyboard and somehow (I still can’t figure out how) opened thirty copies of the same file.

  19. Ms. Whatsit*

    I just want to appreciate adorable food-based kitty names Babka and Momo (assuming Momo is for the delicious Nepalese dumplings).

    1. Ms. Whatsit*

      Also, the kitties are adorable! What an oversight on my part! remote pets for Babka and Momo.

  20. Oddmom*

    I also have a black cat who that head-butts and is Persistant with Many Feelings! He has no concept of personal space and I love him to pieces!

  21. Persistant and Has Many Feelings*

    I’ve been lurking in the comments for years, jealous of all the awesome nicknames. Please let me have this one.

  22. Resentful Oreos*

    What wonderful cats! I used to have a Meezer/Ragdoll mix who was also a Persistent Cat Of Many Feelings, and did not like being ignored. This made her very popular among my friends, and at the vet’s, because she was that rare cat who actually LIKED going to the vet because people would fuss over her.

    Glad to hear the happy ending!

  23. My Cat Is A Meme*

    My cat* is my team’s official mascot and I actually have colleagues (both internal and external) who demand that my cat gets on camera so they can say hello.

    In fact, my cat is very expressive and now is the subject of several memes floating around the department. None of which I’ve actually started (but all of which have my purrmission)!

    *name redacted to protect the innocent

  24. Elizabeth West*

    Yes! A picture! Very cute coworkers. <3

    This update made me laugh because someone called me today through Teams, and her sound went completely wonky at one point — then she came back on and said her cat laid on her laptop. I laughed very hard, and it was nice because I was having a rough time with a horrible deliverable for a project I don't want to be on.

    Oh, and then she sent a pic. :)

  25. ivra*

    I still kiss all my cats on the head whenever they are present at any time, and hold them like a baby during meetings. They are still minor celebrities at my company.

    I will never change and neither will they.

    1. HiddenT*

      I think Alison’s advice was generally good, but obviously varies by company culture.

      Plus, some of us simply care more about our cats than our jobs.

  27. Glenn*

    My therapist has cats who occasionally wander into view during our (teletherapy) sessions. One of them likes to jump up on the desk between her and the camera. She used to apologize and shoo him away, but I indignantly demanded that she unhand him, and instead introduce us. Now she lets them say hi whenever they like, as long as they don’t actually disrupt the session too much.

  28. Workaholic*

    I’ve been sick (bronchitis) and last Friday I was trying to push through and my cat walked across my keyboard with an open browser. Somehow the random letters she stepped on and sent pulled up a video. So what the heck? I hit play.

    “Home is Where the Heart Is” started playing. (Also she adamantly did not want food or outside, the normal reasons for keyboard walking). I decided she was right, let bosses and coworkers know I needed a break, and took a nap and cuddled the cat. (I really did desperately need a break).

  29. Cats Cats Cats Give A Cat A Happy Home*

    During the early, early days of the pandemic in April/May 2020, my UU congregation had to do our candidating week – the final week where our strongest potential settled minister is with us for meetings and interviews and time to get to know one another – all on Zoom. It was a quick pivot and not without its challenges. During one of the town hall meetings, our candidate was outside on their patio along with their cat. The cat was being sweet and lovely, until! They made a break for it and TOOK DOWN THE LAPTOP with them!! The laptop was completely busted, and the candidate did a pivot themselves to Zooming on their smartphone.
    Readers, we called them to settled ministry. And the cat was unscathed and lived to cause greater mischief another day. (And we bought the minister a new laptop, and would have done so even if we didn’t end up calling them to our congregation.)

  30. No More Cat Butt*

    Glad it worked out for OP, but we have someone on our team who allows her cat butt in every single zoom, it’s like the cat has been trained to always face its butt at the camera as much as possible. I have to put a post it sticky note over her zoom square because it’s honestly become way too much, it’s gone from distracting to disgusting. I don’t get how some cat owners are oblivious to this.

  32. The Woodchuck Whisperer*

    Suddenly remembering that I once brought a duck onto a Teams meeting. He sat quietly on my hand and I think it took about half the meeting for someone to notice and comment in the chat.

    (I work in animal care, so important context right there…)

  33. Wolf*

    I recently had a call with a customer where I had to ask them to please move the cat away from the microphone, the purring was drowning out the conversation. It was just too darn cute!

  34. Keymaster of Gozer (She/Her)*

    The instant a call starts in our house our normally highly antisocial cat goes into full ‘Feed me mummy! Checkout my arse! What happens if I walk across this keyboard?’ mode.

    Luckily he only softly bites me when I pick him up and put him somewhere away from the computer. I’ve cleaned enough cat fur out of case fans for a lifetime.

    Your cats (or overlords?) are absolutely beautiful and regal :)

  35. Action Kate*

    We have two cats, one who only has Many Feelings around food time and the other who is Zoom Cat. Any time I’m on Zoom, Teams, FaceTime, or even speakerphone, Zoom Cat is there to parade, meow, and walk back and forth on the desk. She does swirl her lovely tail in front of the camera, but fortunately does not show off her fluffy butt very often.

  36. AngryOwl*

    I am lucky enough to be at a very relaxed company where all cat interactions, including head kissing, are acceptable. This may need to be a requirement for future job hunting :D

  37. fine-tipped pen aficionado*

    Yay! Congrats to you and the cats. I really really value working with people I can trust to open and honest so that I don’t have to expend so much energy trying to guess how I’m being perceived and what secret grudges people might be holding. It takes some adjusting, but I’m glad things worked out for you LW!

  38. Managercanuck*

    Senior cat likes to make appearances at virtual meetings, junior cat is more interested in testing the gravity around desks.

  39. COHikerGirl*

    I have a dog who is Persistent and another dog who has Many Feelings. Persistent is 55lbs and Many Feelings is 75lbs. They are not quiet…lol. Sometimes I wish they were cat-sized. But luckily they don’t try to sit on my lap. Persistent likes to be near so she’s been shown off a few times. Many Feelings doesn’t, so he is seen less.

    And as I type this, Persistent came into the room demanding to go outside. And Many Feelings followed to investigate.

    Stella and Stanley Pup are my reasons for working.

  40. Shoulder_Kitty*

    I wish I knew about this letter a few weeks ago!! My beloved baby loves being near me when I work from home, and one day during a cameras-on meeting she decided that my shoulder was the perfect spot to loaf!

    I didn’t know how to react, because (from personal experience) the kitty Does Not Like being moved from my shoulder, so I froze up and pretended like she wasn’t there and she gladly chilled on my shoulders for the rest of the meeting

  41. Remembering Misha*

    The cat story reminds me of my little Misha who lived to be 19 and joined me for many remote team check-ins on video. He loved to hear the other voices and would climb up and snuggle across my chest. Fortunately, these meetings were fairly casual and my colleagues and I enjoyed (and still enjoy) seeing each other’s pets. I would put him down if he became restless or pointed his rear end toward the camera. Otherwise I would sometimes say that he had important ideas to contribute, lol. Misha crossed the Rainbow Bridge in January and I miss him every day.

  42. Cam*

    I interview people online as a journalist and I’m afraid my kittens can sometimes join in the call, putting a paw on the screen. Alot of folks find interviews quite stressful so I hope it helps them relax a bit.

    (To be clear, I tell people in advance that I have the kittens and advise that I will promptly remove them if they bother.)

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