update: I’m buying a business — how do I tell one employee (who’s currently my coworker) that I’m not keeping her on?

by Alison Green on December 17, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer who was buying a business and needed to tell an employee that she wasn’t keeping her on? Here’s the update.

To answer one thing from your reply back in March, Sue is also an old friend of the previous owner so I did not see him letting her go any sooner with or without severance as a possibility. He was also a very hands-off manger in general and many people who should have been let go stayed on for much longer than I would put up with personally.

So here’s what happened: I set up a formal interview with Sue and one other coworker 1.5 months before the purchase with the clear messaging that I was definitely keeping on every member of the team who had been there longer than one year but wanted the opportunity to meet with the newer hires to decide if they would be a good fit to bring to the new practice. I also tried to open my mind up to the possibility that Sue would actually surprise me in her interview and possibly didn’t realize how she had come off in the past.

The interview confirmed my feelings that Sue saw going right to management as the best way to handle everything despite saying she craved a “team player” environment, and she denied every instance I pointed out of her going against her coworkers’ training and advice (I had personally witnessed or overheard the ones I presented). There was also a clear disagreement between Sue and me on when it is appropriate to take on others’ tasks without being asked first and a clear unawareness of her propensity to make mistakes. Therefore, I met with Sue a few weeks later to officially let her know that I did not see her being a good fit and she would not be starting work at the new practice.

She did end up buying and renting out the property next door and other than a few dumpster-sharing issues that in the end are still the old owner’s problem (it’s his dumpster as I rent the practice building from him and he is the one who sold her this adjacent property), her having a close proximity to the practice at times has not been an issue yet.

I will add that she reached out about a month into the new practice to ask to return and reported how blindsided she was by my reasoning to let her go and that she thought I had been misled by what others said about her. She also asked for a meeting. I declined to meet with her and let her know I was not considering bringing her on to the practice, reminded her I have never been her employer, and offered as a courtesy to write up a short summary to remind her of what we discussed in that final meeting which had nothing to do with gossip. She accepted this and despite a reply to my written statement that she disagrees with my read on the situation (I did not reply) I have not heard from her since.

Her daughter and I appear to still have a good relationship but she has still been unable to return to work due to her family situation. I could see us making space for her in the future if it works out later, but am also okay with the outcome of her not returning.

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  1. Dawn*

    You definitely made the right decision here! Sue absolutely does not sound like the kind of employee anyone would have wanted to keep on, never mind a much younger manager she’d almost certainly have tried to steamroll.

    She wrote you back to let you know she didn’t agree with your (factual) assessment? What a diva!

    Reply ↓
    1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

      Didn’t agree with things OP had personally witnessed and tried to blame it on others bad mouthing her.

      Anyone who thinks automatically involving management is the solution is not someone you want on your team. No one has time for that.

      OP please keep us informed how you are doing with the business — even if there is no further contact from Sue. Hope it all goes well for you.

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      1. Random Academic Cog*

        When my favorite boss was about to retire, her boss talked to me about moving my role to another team (that I already knew I didn’t want to join). He seemed to believe that the reason I wouldn’t move was that my boss had a poor opinion of that team. No matter how many times I explained that I had my own negative experiences with them, he believed she poisoned the well until he left that position. People are going to people.

        Reply ↓
      2. OP/LW*

        Hi! Business ownership is going well! Very stressful at times and had a few other employee issues that required meetings and write ups, etc. but so far nothing major and nothing Sue-like thank goodness.

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    2. dackquiri*

      I’ve heard of people religiously taking this approach—always making a statement of disagreement toward any negative assessment of them in any paper-trail-y exchange—more just as a CYA move in case that exchange ever rears its head in any meeting, HR or legal context. It may or may not have come from any place of genuinely needing to get the last word in. But at any rate, Sue definitely sounds like someone who is good at pressuring people into giving her an inch and then taking a mile, so good on you, LW, for holding the line. I’m glad she wasn’t able to lob a monkey wrench into the works of your new practice (which I was worried she’d find a way to do while reading the original letter).

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  2. duinath*

    Sounds like that went as well as it could. Conveniently also highlights how badly you do *not* want her working for you.

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    2. ferrina*

      Yes indeed! Glad that there was minimal fallout, and that the daughter is happy to continue working there. Well handled, OP!

      Reply ↓
  3. Czhorat*

    I have no judgements about Sue as a person, but it seems clear that she is not a good employee, not a good co-worker, and is sorely lacking in self-awareness.

    I think OP did the best they could have here; they were upfront, honest, and straightforward. They gave Sue an honest shot. Then when Sue tried to come back they gave one final clear answer before letting it drop.

    Hopefully this remains in the past, and hopefully Sue can reflect on what she could do better next time.

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    1. Peanut Hamper*

      This. Sue may be a lovely person in real life but as an employee, she’s a lot. I feel OP gave her as good an opportunity or even better than most people in that situation would have gotten.

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      1. Seconds*

        Sue may have many lovely qualities as a human, but some of these issues definitely will affect how she interacts with others even outside a professional environment.

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  4. Sparkles McFadden*

    This is a really great example of how being straightforward is the best (and kindest) thing for everyone involved.

    Reply ↓
    1. Venus*

      Also shows how being straightforward is still something that ‘blindsides’ the bad employees. OP did everything just right, but Sue was never going to understand (which underscores why OP needed to be straightforward and kind).

      Reply ↓
      1. Heffalump*

        I thought of the following statement from “I let someone push my employee around and now it’s a mess” (November 6, 2017): “Your measure of success in your work can’t be that no one is ever unhappy with you.”

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  5. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

    So a month after she left, she decides to contact you and tell you about how surprised she was at that meeting and anyway it was all lies that other people made up?

    It’s rare someone shows their true colours in such clear format! I sincerely hope she’s not hassling your current staff after you told her ‘no’.

    I’m very impressed with how you handled this all though. Very professional :)

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  6. Pajama Mommas*

    Thanks for the update! Sounds like you handled a complicated situation really well. And I’m sure your current employees appreciate that you have protected them from having to continue to work with Sue.

    Reply ↓
  7. A Simple Narwhal*

    LW I think you handled a difficult situation incredibly well. Clearly stating that longer tenured staff would be automatically brought over but newer staff would be re-interviewed was a very smart way to analyze/remove Sue without specifically targeting her (especially since she wasn’t the only employee who fit this criteria). Plus leaving room for the chance that she might surprise you was another smart move.

    Sue might be unhappy with the outcome, but as Alison says, the goal of a hard conversation can’t be that the other person isn’t upset. You handled everything professionally and clearly, so I hope you feel good about it overall.

    I hope Sue being your neighbor continues to be uneventful.

    Reply ↓
  8. Liz the Snackbrarian*

    Well handled! I hope if Sue’s daughter returns that LW’s professional relationship with her continues smoothly.

    Reply ↓
  10. Yvette*

    It almost seems like the fact that Sue was friends with the prior owner and her daughter was an employee that was well thought of Sue may have felt she was privileged over the other employees.

    Reply ↓
  11. Ellis Bell*

    “She reached out about a month into the new practice to ask to return and reported how blindsided she was by my reasoning to let her go and that she thought I had been misled by what others said about her.” So, in addition to being a great team player, and definitely not someone who tries to steamroll management into getting her way, she’s also great at taking critical feedback apparently.

    Reply ↓
  12. Neur*

    I’m an entrepreneur and one helpful quote I’m constantly reminded of is: in business your level of success is directly proportional to the level of difficult conversations you have.

    You survived a difficult conversation!

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    1. OP/LW*

      That’s definitely what I’m learning from other employee issues I’ve had a few months in now. But I always feel better knowing that I was straightforward and didn’t let things sit. And it gets easier to do every time too. Thank you!

      Reply ↓
  13. Heffalump*

    Water under the bridge now, but in response to the original post, Alison threw out the idea of the previous owner of the practice letting Sue go with severance. It’s customary for severance to come with a non-disparagement clause.

    Reply ↓

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