updates: working from a one-bedroom with a baby and nanny, the chatty employee, and more

by Alison Green on December 5, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

1. Working from a one-bedroom apartment with a baby and nanny

Thanks for answering my question!

I got a membership at a nearby co-working space and it has been great. My in-laws were staying near us and handling childcare over the summer; it turned out that I needed a little more personal space than four adults and a baby in a 600 square foot apartment could provide. I was grateful to have the option of a nearby tiny glass room of my own.

We got a nanny after my in-laws left the city and she has been amazing. As you have repeatedly written, it’s not easy to effectively manage a family member and I much prefer my relationship with my in-laws when I don’t have to ask them to change diapers. Thanks to you also for writing repeatedly about what it means to be a good employer; I have no desire to be a manager in my professional career, but I’m doing my best now that I have a household employee.

I’ve been able to keep breastfeeding my (extremely cute) baby! Also, my apartment is much nicer without a desk looming in the corner.

2. Managing a chatty employee when you need shorter answers

I wrote to you over a decade ago(!!) about an employee on my team who would respond to every question with an overly-involved answer, and asked for some advice on how to get more concise communication without making her feel defensive or like I wasn’t valuing her many years of experience. I thought it might be helpful to share a tactic that worked well for her and the rest of my team.

I did use some of your scripts and they worked temporarily, but what seemed to do the trick long-term was something that I learned in a management course a few months later: Imagine that every person has a bucket on their head, and the bucket must be filled with the information they need to do their job. Some people have a giant vat (i.e., needs to know the full context and history of everything before they can get started), and some people have a thimble (“Just point me in the right direction and I’ll take it from there, Boss!”) And sometimes it’s situational. So I introduced this in a team meeting, and it gave us all a shorthand to use when we asked each other questions about how much information we were looking for. “I’ve got to get this turned in within 15 minutes — can you give me a shot glass answer?” or “We are taking an hour to sit down and go over this in great detail. Give me the horse trough of info!”

This worked out for my team because it established a system that we could all use, and by setting the expectation up front of how much detail we needed from each other it was less frustrating all around. And it was amusing to see what silly vessels (a stiletto shoe, a wine bottle, a fish tank…) of information we could come up with.

Thanks to you and the commentariat for your many years of service and advice to those of us in the trenches!

3. I’ve been called for grand jury duty — and it would eat up 15% of my pay for the year (#3 at the link)

I asked earlier this year about how I could get my company to reassess their limited policy on jury duty in light of my summons for an 18-month-long grand federal district court jury duty summons. Ultimately, I was released from jury duty for medical reasons — three days before the first day of my summons I received news that I had a mass in my breast and I was being referred to my city’s cancer institute for surgical intervention and treatment. I was able to use this as my reason to be released. (I will be having surgery in December and it took several appointments, MRIs and biopsies to get to that plan, which would have been extremely difficult if I would have had to navigate around the grand jury duty dates, so I am extremely grateful that I was released in August before the brunt of the appointments were scheduled.) But I wanted to give you some details about what happens when you’re called for grand jury duty.

When I arrived that morning, having driven 90 minutes to the city where it was held, I entered the jury room at 9 am and was one of about 110 people. I was juror number 200 and last on the list alphabetically so I know that they released a lot of people online before that day. The judge explained they would be seating 38 people, 23 jurors and 15 alternates! Shen then started asking her qualifying questions where if the item applied to us, we would stand up and explain our situation, and she would release us if necessary. The first questions were whether anyone worked in law enforcement or a fire department, the military, held elected office, and then she asked about work commitments. She asked it in a very specific way: is there anyone who is the owner or sole proprietor of a company that will be unable to do business or would shut down because you were serving on jury duty? That didn’t apply to me but several people stood up. She released a general contractor, the director of a day care, a member of the military (who asked to speak to her at the bench away from the rest of us), and a few others before asking for teachers or child care workers. Another 10 people were released after that question. Next she asked for medical reasons for release. I stood up here, along with several others. We were led one by one to the bench for privacy. I tearfully explained that I had been referred for treatment (it was still very fresh news) and she very kindly asked if I would like to be released. I said yes, and she did so. I was on my drive home by 10:30 am. I received a check for $166 a few weeks later for the day’s pay and mileage reimbursement. I don’t know what additional questions the judge asked the potential jury members, but I do know she said there would be an opportunity where someone could ask to be released for reasons she didn’t cover in her qualifying questions. After all that, I didn’t need to speak with my HR group about their policy, and I assume they have no plans to revisit it.

We were told by the jury staff that we can be called back after two years, and I can still be called to my actual local jurisdiction for normal jury duty at any time, so I will likely have another opportunity to explore the jury duty policy when that occurs.

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  1. Merry and Bright*

    OP #3, thanks for sharing how this works. I’ve been excuse from Jury duty beforehand, or had the trial cancelled. It’s interesting to hear some details about what happens.

    1. FG*

      I was on a hiatus in college & was working full time when I was scheduled for a federal grand jury. It met once per month for a year. IIRC, the selection was in the summer. There was no “online” then – you just showed up. I was planning to return to college out of state in the fall, & that was a sufficient reason to be dismissed. I don’t recall the details of the process, but it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t think I got as far as worrying about the work angle as I was semi-assuming I’d be allowed to go back to school.

    2. In My Underdark Era*

      I served on a regular jury a few months ago, and here are some other reasons people were dismissed that day: old age, having to secure a ride to the courthouse, limited mobility, being an in-home care worker or being the caretaker for someone at home (child or adult).

      I got the impression that they knew they had more than enough people, so they were being pretty lenient with dismissals. no guarantee those reasons would get you out of you’re ever called!

      1. Wayward Sun*

        I once got out of jury duty just because I had a vacation already planned that would overlap with it. As you note, it depends a lot on whether they’re short on jurors that week or not.

        1. Raktajino*

          Similarly, I got out of jury duty because I had a flight booked for a day or two after my window of duty. It’s worth asking!

        2. Artemesia*

          In both jurisdictions I have been called you could get an automatic postponement on request if you had something like this scheduled. I have done that several times. e.g. this last spring I deferred because I was traveling and then served in the summer.

          1. Antilles*

            This is the case in the jurisdiction I live. The first postponement is automatic regardless of your reason and in fact, you can just submit a form online (or call). They delay it by a few months, then send you another summons.
            But if you need further postponements after that (or if your reason is something long-term, e.g., medical issues or being the sole caretaker of a child), then you need to actually go to the courthouse and explain to the judge.

        3. College Career Counselor*

          I had a similar situation when I was called for jury duty–it was an upcoming vacation planned for the time the trial would take place. When I reported, the woman before me asked to be excused because she had a scheduled significant surgical operation planned for later that week. The judge refused to let her go, so I didn’t even bother with my vacation plan query. He made her serve on the jury, then excused her at the end of the 3 day trial, and an alternate took her place. I thought that was kind of crappy, as there were PLENTY of people available for jury duty when we were empaneled.

          1. Antilles*

            That feels like the judge was just trying to prove a point, because she was guaranteed to be replaced by an alternate from the instant he selected her.

      2. I am Number Four*

        When I lived in a county where only 7% of the population had a graduate degree, I was dismissed repeatedly from consideration just for being in grad school.

        1. Antilles*

          Along these lines, I’ve heard from a bunch of people that engineers almost always get dismissed quickly because lawyers believe that engineers’ reputation for logical thinking will make them less persuadable by emotional appeals and more likely to create their own conclusions rather than listening to the lawyers. And also that the same reputation for logical thinking will give them undue sway in the jury deliberation process.
          No idea if that’s actually true (and I’ll certainly append that perception isn’t universally true), but I’ve heard that quite a bit and it seems to hold true in my limited direct/indirect anecdotal experience.

          1. LadyEnginerd*

            As an engineer, I can vouch for this. None of the engineers I know have been selected for a trial, and i live in an area where jury duty is pretty common. I’ve been called 3 times in 10 years & never lasted more than 1 day.

          2. Global Cat Herder*

            Husband is an engineer, and has been dismissed from jury duty all 4 times he’s been called.

          3. JB (not in Houston)*

            That may be the case in your jurisdiction, but in mine, I’ve seen plenty of engineers get on juries. There is no category of profession that gets automatically struck. For example, I have never managed to make it on to a jury and neither have any of my other appellate lawyer friends, so I thought lawyers in our jurisdiction just didn’t want appellate lawyers on the jury, which I totally get. But then I learned that several years back, the chief justice of our appellate court served on one, so it’s not just that.

            It would depend more on how you answered questions during voir dire. I can think of several engineers that I know who I wouldn’t want on a jury, but not because of their “logical thinking” but because of their belief that they know everything, would apply what they think the law is or should rather than the law and instructions they are given, and cannot understand or empathize with people whose behavior doesn’t line up with their own, meaning they could disbelieve a witness simply because the witness didn’t behave the way the engineer would. I also know engineers who would be fantastic on a jury. But if one of the former kind of engineer wound up in a jury pool, I’d want him struck because i wouldn’t trust him to follow the law or instructions given to him, and that kind of mindset usually comes out in voir dire.

        2. Chidi has a stomach ache*

          Unsurprising. I got dismissed once because I told the judge/lawyers I was in a PhD program studying ethics.

          1. Edwina*

            The only time my mom was excused was when she knew the judge. I’m pretty sure that knowing any of the parties to a case would get you an automatic dismissal.

            1. Robin*

              Yes, absolutely. My grandfather worked in forensics for decades and absolutely couldn’t be seated for a criminal trial – he knew every cop in the city, personally or by reputation among the rest of the department. Most judges sent him home as soon as he explained his job. One did attempt to put him on a jury and then had to replace him with an alternate as soon as Officer So-and-So was called to the witness stand.

            2. Michelle Smith*

              I was selected for an eminent domain case of our state hwy dept vs a local farmer The judge asked if any of us had any connections… I told them the State Highway Commissioner was a family friend. I was still selected to serve as a juror. For the record, I favored the farmer.

      3. Antilles*

        Also, for regular jury duty, even once you get past all of that immediate stuff, before being seated on a trial there’s the additional “voir dire” part of the process where the lawyers specific to a trial get to ask a bunch of questions of the potential jurors to decide if they want you.
        So if it’s a trial about a traffic accident, they ask “raise your hand if you’ve ever been in an accident” or “raise your hand if you’ve ever sued someone over, then they go around the room and quiz you on your accident(s) and take notes on everybody. Then the lawyers put together lists of acceptable jurors, have a quiet chat with the judge and the people who aren’t picked get dismissed for that day (but can, potentially, still be called back for later trials).

      4. velveteen rabbit*

        Yep, when I was the primary caregiver for my 80 year old Grandmother who had a bunch of serious issues I was excused right away.

    3. Llellayena*

      The only time I asked to get out of jury duty I was called to appear in County A but had just signed a lease in County B and wouldn’t be a County A resident at the time I needed to appear. Instant release…

      1. Paint N Drip*

        It took hours to get to this point, but I was also instantly released when they asked if I could be completely impartial in a case about an adult causing a child’s death, and I said no. I had a miscarriage a few months earlier and just wasn’t okay about stuff like that. When the trial eventually came up and it was about a man battering his tiny baby, I was SO relieved to not have been involved.

        1. Orora*

          During the early 2000s I spent three days sitting in a courtroom just for voir dire. There were a million questions that were asked and many trips to the judges chambers for conferences so I figured the trial was for something pretty big. I got dismissed on the third day and immediately Googled the defendant’s name; he was on trial for multiple counts of murder. Turns out he was a serial killer and was convicted of 8 murders in 2 states.

          That explains why I got dismissed after telling the judge I was a women’s studies minor and volunteered at an animal shelter. The defense couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.

    4. mrs whosit*

      Yes, I appreciate the details! I got pulled for jury duty at the federal court a year and a half ago – when I had a 6-month-old for whom I was the primary caregiver. (I was released in the online steps.) Good to know I could come up again in 6 months!

      2. Seashell*

        I think the time you’re cleared from jury duty is going to depend on location. I believe it’s 6 years before you can be called again in my state.

      3. Turquoisecow*

        Yeah the last time I was called, my kid was I think not even a year old. “Primary care giver of a young child,” was enough, and I imagine that will be my answer for a number of years now since I do all the childcare when she’s not in school.

        I was called a number of times for jury duty but never selected, once called for Grand Jury but they selected enough people before they got to me so I was not chosen. I would not have minded serving any of the times I was called (except the most recent one with a baby!)

    5. doreen*

      It all depends on the jurisdiction – in mine, you can automatically get one postponement and you can request the first postponement by mail. Any additional postponements must be requested in person. There are no automatic exemptions and few excusals. I was just called recently for a grand jury and they were pretty good about giving “days off” to people who were traveling for thanksgiving or who had medical appointments for example, students didn’t get excused, just postponed until the summer. (if they were taking summer classes, I guess they could have gotten another postponement)

      1. Artemesia*

        in my jurisdiction it is all done on the phone automatically. If you are 70 or older you can be excused without question; you can also postpone for any reason.

    6. Writerling*

      This letter reminded me of the white noise for privacy (for jurors and lawyers/prosecutors), they used it a lot during the trial I ended up on.

    7. Nah*

      Both myself and my mother (myself high risk, my grandparents as well, and her constantly visiting elderly residents in hospital) were called for jury duty within a month right at the start of COVID. They apparently had so many requests before the courts got locked down they actually sent out a “if you’re concerned about COVID or have [basically any chronic condition at all], check this box and you’re released from duty” form to cut down on the amount. It was the first time I’d been called and if it wasn’t for the state of the world I would’ve been totally happy to participate, but I haven’t had any summons since.

    8. desdemona*

      I served on a grand jury in NYC once! It was a little different than OP#3’s experience, from what I remember.

      They called a ton of people – and most of them wound up serving. They filled 4 or 5 23-person juries, that each would meet for half days for 4 weeks.

      I remember them starting with a process of calling out each person’s name, and you had to respond if you were able to serve or not. The young lady next to me tried to make a case that it would be a financial hardship due to her job, and the judge was not kind about it. At this point, I started a little tick counter of how many people were called so I could math out how likely it was I’d be asked to serve. If we were eligible, our names went into the random selection pool.

      Once they’d gone through everybody, they started drawing names. When a name was drawn, you had to tell them if you wanted to be on the morning or afternoon jury, and they’d hand you more assignment information.

      I was happy to serve – we were paid $40 a day, and it was only half days, so it was $800 plus my freelance jobs, which I rearranged to be the other-half of the days. And it meant I was out of the pool for 10 years! I spent a month working in the morning at a temporary gig, commuting to the courthouse, eating lunch in a park nearby, and then spending the afternoon in jury duty.

    9. Sharpie*

      Bearing in mind I’m in the UK… I was called in England while I was serving in the military in Scotland – they sent a form to fill in (I don’t remember all the details) and not knowing whether I could do it or not, I went to see my OC – officer commanding the unit – who asked whether i wanted to defer or to be outright dismissed from it. I chose to defer, and was later called up in Scotland… By that point, I’d left the army and returned to live in England, which naturally meant I couldn’t do it.

      I’m perfectly willing to do it but haven’t been called since.

    10. Sharpie*

      OP3, I wish you all the very best for your treatment and health and hope you have a great prognosis and outcome.

    11. Wilbur*

      Had jury duty recently and was dismissed with a bunch of others at the end of the first day. One of the judges came in and thanked us, and what he said was interesting. He wanted to reassure us that our time wasn’t wasted, but having us present encouraged the trial to get settled one way or another. The prosecution might drop the case or offer a plea deal, the defense might settle, but even if the case didn’t go to trial having us show up moved things along.

      Also, I got paid $16.07 (I believe $15 for pay and $1.07 for mileage). $166 sounds incredible.

    12. Random Bystander*

      I think it’s very jurisdiction dependent (and which court it is–federal court, county/state).

      I know my mom got dismissed once when she had been called for a case that involved heinous behavior with a child at the time that my brother’s children were the same age as the victim.

      I was called for the federal court and did the online questionnaire and had to call in once a week all month long and never was asked to report … which was a very good thing, because this court is about 30 miles from my home (federal court) and I don’t have transportation there. I put that in the questionnaire responses so I don’t know if I was just not called or dismissed (auto answering thing when I called in, never communicated with a live human).

    13. OMG, bees*

      I served as an alternate juror many years ago. I had similar issues (work only paid for 5 days), but it was 4 weeks total, I could take the financial hit, and I was curious of the process, so I served. Pay was pitiful, a whole $12/day, which was for parking and a token lunch (tho coffee and donuts were provided free, I think collectively by both legal teams).

      For me, the worst part was that after the 4 weeks of the trail, the rest of the jury went to decide, while I, as the last alternate juror, was “released” back to work, but had to stay nearby and ready to go to the courthouse within 30 minutes notice (due to traffic, that would actually be sitting at home, ready to go). The jury reached their verdict in about 2-3 days, but the court didn’t tell me for a week later, and only because I called to ask about a payment, otherwise I thought I was still limited to being 30 minutes at notice.

      As some of the comments on the first post said, we really need a better system for paying jurors, or else you get a skewed group of people who can afford to be a juror.

    14. Lemonwhirl*

      In Ireland, there’s no voir doire or questions. There are categories for exclusion from the jury (like if you are a teacher or if you are not an Irish citizen). You are excused if you know the defendant or any of the witnesses. Then, each barrister gets 7 challenges, but it’s not like in the US where you get asked questions. The barrister looks at you and decides whether or not to let you on the jury.

      I served on a jury during Covid times, which was interesting in itself. I also served on a jury in the late 90s in Chicago. The difference between the systems was fascinating. The US system was much more emotional and confrontational. The Irish system was more calm and a lot of times, it felt like we (the jury) were getting a civics lesson.

  2. Elle Woods*

    I love the bucket analogy for information needs. Definitely going to use that one in the future!

    1. JustaTech*

      This is really brilliant, and as a chronic over-explainer (hello ADHD!) I think will be really useful for myself – does my husband need to know the history of rice in order to start making dinner? (OK, it’s never *that* bad.)

    2. Plate of Wings*

      I’m not the manager but I am going to try to introduce this to my team! I’m definitely an under-sharer and a calibration like this could help all of us.

  4. phira*

    #2: I love this analogy! I have a related thing where I’ll ask someone to explain something to me like I’m 5. If I just ask for an explanation, people will sometimes skip over crucial bits of info that they assume are implicit or already understood, but often those are the bits of info that I’m missing, and why I don’t understand the concept. When I say, “Like I’m 5,” it eases some tension and I’m more likely to get my confusion cleared up.

    #3: So glad you were able to get released from jury duty! I hope everything goes smoothly for you, with only good news!

    1. JustaTech*

      I’ve also had luck with “explain it like I’m new”. I actually use that when I’m writing some reports – I know I have a tendency to skip out on background in reports where it is actually needed, or I skip the full logic train from the results to the conclusion, so I ask myself “will this make sense to someone new in 10 years?”

  5. Pearl*

    #3, I hope your surgery goes well and you get only good news from here on out.

    My first real job was temp-ing for an admin who had federal grand jury duty. She had to report 4 days a week for 3 months. Sometimes she would come to the office on Fridays to feel normal again. She said by the end of it people were getting letters from their doctors saying they couldn’t continue (it was largely reviewing evidence of violent crime cases). She worked for a university so they paid her full salary. She said most everyone worked for a similar employer that paid their salary, or were retired.

    1. Kendall^2*

      A friend was on a 2-week trial (approximately) that was about a violent crime. She said that they offered some kind of counseling afterward for jurors who wanted it, given the nature of the materials they’d had to consider.

  6. Alicent*

    Jury duty is such a necessary thing, but it has a massive impact on small businesses. I know single veterinarian practices that had to shut down for a week because they couldn’t get excused prior to the week. If I had to do grand jury duty I would also lose a massive amount of income and it would severely affect the business I work for as I am the only vet there. I remember last time I served jury duty a woman had to stand up in front of everyone and tearfully tell the judge that she was the sole caretaker for her daughter who was almost murdered by her husband and left severely disabled as a result. They let her go, but that was DAY FOUR. She had tried to get excused ahead of time, but they wouldn’t budge.

    1. Kali*

      Ugh, that’s awful.

      It varies widely depending on where you’re called to serve. In (many) state/municipal courts, you’ll be excused for a huge number of reasons. In federal court though, you basically have to show you cannot be a fair and impartial juror – if you’re the first 12 seats, you’ll likely get picked. I remember being in the far back and have unavoidable commitments, so I made it clear that I had *very* strong and immutable feelings about tort reform (it was a personal injury suit against a corporation, I believe) so I would be stricken. But I watched in horror as the poor woman in seat 3 was picked despite her explaining that she was the sole caregiver for a disabled child that needed her 24/7. Unfortunately, when asked by the judge if she could find someone else for the duration of the trial, she answered (very hesitantly) that she could. I’m sure it was an enormous burden, and I felt so terrible for her.

      1. Richard Hershberger*

        “when asked by the judge if she could find someone else for the duration of the trial, she answered (very hesitantly) that she could.”

        Certainly, your honor! We’ll be at your chambers first thing in the morning.

  7. Ann O'Nemity*

    Somewhat related to #3 – This week the YSL trial in Georgia finally wrapped up after nearly two years! Those poor jurors. I did some research after reading the news articles because I was very curious what happened to workers who served on long trials like this. My thinking was, how can you keep your job and pay your bills when civic duty lasts that long?! Even if your employer is legally required to continue employing you, how is it practical? And what about the opportunity loss in terms of skill development and promotion?

    What I found was that the jurists in these long trials are predominantly retired or working in government where their full salary is paid and their job is held for them however long it takes. Although I was glad to hear that other workers weren’t forced to experience hardship for their civic duty, I also found a bunch of disturbing research on how biased these juries end up being.

    1. anon24*

      Yes, how can you be tried by a jury of your peers when your peers all have to go to work?

      This site is definitely not the place for this discussion, but I’m amazed there isn’t a law that jurors must be paid their normal wage, either by their employer or by the courts (after submitting pay stubs to prove their normal wage). I know someone who ended up having to take out thousands in loans to cover their basic living expenses after ending up on extended jury duty while working for a company who didn’t pay them wages for that time.

      1. Richard Hershberger*

        Paid by the courts=paid by the taxpayers. That would be a fun budgetary discussion! And just think of the perverse incentives it would create!

        1. Your Former Password Resetter*

          Okay, but that goes for everything in the legal system.
          If this is how the system is designed, then it needs to cover expenses and loss of income. It’s not something you can just hope people’s employers will help them with.

        2. Nonanon*

          Considering how many people don’t understand that covering YOUR loss of income if YOU get picked by jury duty means increasing YOUR taxes… I doubt it.
          (Anecdotal evidence isn’t evidence, but my partner’s municipal government coworkers ROUTIENELY vote against tax increases, and wonder why their wages are so low; the understanding is “you don’t get rich working for government,” but also… no reason to vote against not living in poverty. I understand this may not be representative, but…. nondescript muttering noises regarding looking around to the current US environment)

        3. CeeDoo*

          Somehow, when my friend served on a federal jury, the 2 sides of the case contributed and paid all the jurors. I don’t know how it worked, but he was paid well above the normal jury duty pay. Something like $120 a day, maybe more.

          I’ve also wondered why jury duty pays so far below minimum wage. It’s not right.

      2. Chirpy*

        This, a week long trial where I only got paid $15/day could literally make me homeless. If I was unable to use vacation time, I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent. (source: I once got sick in the absolute wrong week, and BARELY had enough money, because I’d already paid the other bills, but didn’t have that income to refill the rent money. I had like $10 left.)

    2. Civic Duty*

      I served on both a Grand Jury (for 18 months) and a regular jury (for 9 weeks) while a federal employee. I was very fortunate that my salary was paid during that time. However, I didn’t “get out of” work, as some people assume happens. I went to the office every evening after serving, and many weekends. There wasn’t anyone else to do my job! (And no, I did not expect nor get paid overtime.) I didn’t resent it (although I was tired!) because I felt lucky to even be paid. Some other members of the 9 week trial were not as fortunate.

  8. commensally*

    #3, I served on an 18th month federal grand jury a couple of years ago, and as far as I could tell, anyone who would face serious financial, career, or caregiver hardships was let off – which wasn’t great in terms of “jury of your peers” because we got to know each other pretty well after 18 months and the final jury was basically 75% retired people and people with government jobs (and unlimited paid jury leave), with most of the rest freelancers or similar, and a few rich people who were willing to take the hit in order to do their duty. But I don’t think anyone was forced to stay on if it would have been a real hardship.

    It was on balance a good experience and I encourage people to do it if they can, but they really need to guarantee full paid leave for jury duty for everyone if they actually want representative juries.

    (Actually, anyone who wanted off got off because they’d take a medical excuse for a doctor’s note claiming “heightened risk of Covid” for you or a household member, and who can’t come up with a reason they or a loved one might be at heightened risk of Covid if pressed? I probably could have gotten one if I’d really wanted one, we went through all the alternates by the end of the term. We were the first jury back after the pandemic shutdown, though, they may not be as forgiving of that now.)

    1. Ama*

      Yes my mom also served on a grand jury for about a year (every week day for the first month, one or two weeks a month for about 6 months after and then just occasionally as some of the cases had other parties that the prosecution wanted to charge). She was in her 40s at the time but had two part time hourly jobs – however at that point her income was just supplemental to my dad’s full time job so her not being paid while on jury duty wasn’t a hardship. But yes she was the only person her age who worked regularly left on the jury by the end and this was well before the pandemic – a lot of people did try for the first few months and then it became too much of a hardship (also it was a district covering a lot of the state – my mom lived 30 minutes drive from the courthouse but a lot of people were as far as two hours away).

      I always tell her she (and anyone who does grand jury service) should get a lifetime exemption for serving through the whole process. I don’t know if that’s a thing in her state although she hasn’t been called again since and she used to get called in like clockwork every 5 years or so.

      1. commensally*

        There was actually someone on my jury who was a second timer! He’d gotten called back as soon as his immunity expired. He was another government employee who got full pay, though, and didn’t seem to mind.

        I don’t know if I’d want to do it again – I liked the experience but I’m pretty sure there were work repercussions (my supervisor did not seem to understand that an hourly employee working 20% less hours will probably do at least 10% less work.)

  9. True*

    LW2 is a good reminder as to why managers need training on how to be people managers, and also need training on how to manage different neurotypes, learning styles, communication styles, and working styles.

  10. Endorable*

    When I came home from a recent vacation I was horrified to find mail from the Sheriff’s Department. I’m in Canada… TBH my whole experience of sheriffs was watching TV and didn’t even know we had them… but apparently jury selection is part of their thing. I was aghast.. I’d been summoned! I have a host of minor ailments that would have made it extremely uncomfortable to have to sit in a box for two weeks (the estimated length of the trial) but nothing serious enough that I thought that I could get a medical exemption. Imagine my relief when I went online and discovered that I could get a permanent exemption just for being OLD! I’m all for civic duty etc but I don’t think I could give proper attention while I was squirming to hold in my bladder, rubbing my aching sciatica, and not QUITE hearing everything!

    1. Turquoisecow*

      In New Jersey you automatically are exempt from jury service after 75. I don’t know if the selection process automatically stops calling you or if you just check a box on the form but several of my older relatives were quite happy to have reached that milestone recently, especially those with various health issues.

      Not sure if other states have similar age limits.

    2. Paint N Drip*

      I think this is great, because as you mention there are so many things that make that experience harder when you’re aged like fine wine. However I also find it hilarious, because my jury duty experience was being surrounded by old people :)

  11. glt on wry*

    LW3 – All the best vibes to you in December and after! It sucks that you have to go through this medical challenge, and I hope it ends up being either benign or the easiest to treat. Sending you big hugs. Hang in there.

  12. Buni*

    A few times a year some friends / colleagues & I run an incredibly high stress / low sleep event. Where necessary we got in the habit of prefacing any ask with “Ten words or less….”, “In under three sentences…”, “Ten seconds max….” etc. It massively helps.

    (Not related to verbosity, but these are the same events that spawned the clear, cheerful but firm phrase “I have no strong opinions on this matter.”, because ‘don’t mind’ / ‘don’t care’ can be aggrevating)

  13. CeeDoo*

    I had a coworker pulled for federal jury duty several years ago. It was a huge case, money-wise, and they were paid significantly above the typical jury duty pay. They also catered really fancy food for the jurors. Financially, he ended up better off than if he had been excused! (but I don’t think our job limits jury duty pay to 5 days, since it’s completely outside of the employee’s control, so I think he was getting salary plus jury pay)

  14. Alan*

    #3, I’m so sorry to hear about the medical challenge. I hope everything goes as well as possible! Re grand jury, my wife did it and enjoyed it a lot. Among other things, because the drive was so long, it gave her a regular overnight away from home which she loved and needed.

  15. Nix*

    I was summoned for jury duty and I really wanted to serve (I had a really tough year at my job, and jury duty is fully covered, so it would have been kind of a break from my regular daily grind). But I am close to someone who’s has some involvement in the criminal justice system, which got me kicked off the list for every trial I was potentially going to be called for

  16. Jim*

    I was called for federal grand jury service in the summer of 2001. They had everyone in an auditorium with a number of judges sitting behind desks on the stage, and anyone who needed to be excused lined up in front of one of the judges. I told the judge that my employer wouldn’t pay for that many days of service, and he excused me from grand jury service, but told me that I’d be put at the top of the pool for service in a regular jury.

    True to his word, I got called for federal jury duty a couple months later. New juries are normally seated on Tuesdays, so, long story short, I know exactly what I was doing on September 11, 2001 (went to the federal courthouse, got sent home half an hour later when it was decided to close for the day, had to tell a confused person in the elevator what was going on).

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