update: my coworker screamed at me and HR hasn’t done anything

by Alison Green on February 6, 2025

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker screamed at them and HR hadn’t done anything? Here’s the update.

I wrote to you back in 2020 about an incident from 2019 where a coworker had a screaming tantrum. I very much appreciated your input, and that of your commentariat.

Nothing much happened regarding HR and my yelling coworker, Dolores. I’ve taken your advice to heart, that almost all workplace issues are caused by bad management. This was seemingly a situation with a bad coworker, but the problem was exacerbated by the deep incompetence of my boss, Cornelius. He had no idea how to shut Dolores down at the moment, and just spun his wheels about resolving it and he basically left me to fend for myself. Sybil wasn’t great either, and everyone I know has some horror stories about her, and there was some cross-departmental workload drama behind the scenes that was coloring this exchange, but I didn’t need to be involved and the only reason I was was due to Cornelius’s incompetence.

So now, five years on, Cornelius’s old boss has retired, Sybil has semi-retired, Jane has retired, and Cornelius has finally retired. This was thrilling news when it was first announced. However, we’d struggled with his new boss, Gilderoy, as well. Gilderoy would alternate between being sympathetic and understanding about how obstructionist Cornelius was (a little TOO sympathetic, we’re not peers dealing with the same annoying boss, YOU have the authority to change these behaviors!), and deeply frustrated we didn’t just do his work. We all felt that we had a Gilderoy problem just as much as a Cornelius problem, but it was hoped that these were Cornelius-specific management problems. After all, Cornelius was given a new manager every few years when his current boss decided they just couldn’t handle him any more. But alas! Cornelius announced his retirement in January and there still isn’t a replacement, and they didn’t even have a new job description to post until September. Gilderoy absentee-managed us, and refused to make any changes to the substantive issues that we were still dealing with due to Cornelius’s tenure (job misclassifications, understaffing, circular workflows, etc.), leaving it for the new boss to deal with. On one hand, I understand that, but on the other, there was no urgency on hiring and no acknowledgement that waiting indefinitely to, for example, be paid appropriately was a hardship.

So I got a new job! I had to stay with this organization because of the benefits, but a) it’s a massive organization and b) due to the active union I’m a part of (that totally dropped the ball dealing with Cornelius) there was a pretty robust internal transfer network. I took a huge career pivot, but I work a standard schedule (I’d been working 2nd shift for over six years, and due to the chronic understaffing would never be able to get off that shift despite having been promoted) and have WFH days, which was unheard of in my old career. Ironically, Cornelius, who has always been glowing about my work (which was largely his work), was able to serve as a reference for me. I would never have been able to use him as a reference if he were my current manager.

I impressed my new boss with my cover letter, which explained why my skills were transferable, even if it didn’t look like it on my resume. My new boss, dealing with a long empty role, had decided to completely revamp the job description and hiring process, which made me, a non-traditional applicant, extra appealing. The thoughtful hiring process impressed me as an applicant. I was able to (mostly) handle the stress of the interview process by internalizing your advice that hiring communications aren’t a cipher that you need to decode. It truly is just a time-consuming, bureaucratic process. Every email I did or didn’t receive, I’d just say “THIS COULD MEAN ANYTHING.” I’ve been in my new role for a month and it’s been great. It’s definitely a steep learning curve, but I’m filling a long-empty and necessary role, and my co-workers are all thrilled to have me. I get to keep all my benefits, and stay with all my healthcare providers. Most importantly, I get to see my family in the evenings!

Your blog has been invaluable. I’m a regular reader and recommender of your blog. I’ve started numerous letters over the years about my bad boss, Cornelius, or his bad boss, Gilderoy, but ultimately decided not to write. I knew your advice — “your boss is terrible and isn’t going to change.” Over the last six years my partner and I have both had career pivots, written dozens of cover letters based on your resources, and had several successful job searches. I still read your blog every day, but now I’m busy enough that I’m not killing time in the archives.

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{ 31 comments }

{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

  3. English Rose*

    Great to hear this news.

    BTW, is anyone else hearing the name Gilderoy in Maggie Smith’s Professor McGonagall accent?

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  5. Momma Bear*

    This is a great update. I love that LW went for a role that was a bit of a stretch and advocated for themselves.

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  6. DaisyAnon*

    Anon for this, since I expect to attract trolling, but can we not with the Harry Potter names? J.K. Rowling has been an outspoken transphobe for years now, to the point of advocating for anti-trans legislature in the UK and calling all trans women predators. I know Alison has generally been pretty left-leaning, so I’m hoping this is just a matter of not knowing. There’s plenty of other pop-culture fake names to draw on.

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    1. AnonToo*

      No trolling here, also left-leaning, also appalled by J.K. Rowling’s views, but this is not the hill to die on. Using her character’s names has no effect on anything real.

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      1. Celeste*

        This is where I land. Especially given recent events, I wish we could direct more focus to the things that have real impact.

        Also, there are real allies among people who still like Harry Potter. It shouldn’t be a test of one’s views.

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    2. Hlao-roo*

      I think most of the time the letter-writers are the ones who put in the fake names. The first letter was originally published in 2020, right around when JK Rowling’s transphobia first became widely known. I’m willing to give the letter-writer some benefit of the doubt that the letter was written before they knew about JK Rowling’s transphobia, and then kept the same names in the update so it’s easier for all of us to understand who everyone is.

      I agree that for anyone else writing letters for the first time, there are so many other pop-culture names to draw on that are less problematic.

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      1. Artemesia*

        A lot of authors of classic literature are monsters — I am going to just separate the work from the author, although I am not going to BUY work of a living author who is a monster.

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    3. ZSD*

      I suspect the names were carried over from the original 2020 letter, when Rowling had yet to show her true colors. I agree whole-heartedly that new letters shouldn’t use this theme for aliases.

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      1. Alias Tom*

        I’ve had this thought too. I’m really a bigger fan of Jane and John aliases than pop culture ones though. That’s a personal preference, but I’d rather retire the Rowling references too.

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    4. Annie*

      I get your point, but I’m not sure why we can’t disassociate the person from the product. It’s not like using HP names is supporting Rowling in any financial perspective.
      The fact that this is from the archives even makes it more of an odd request.

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      1. AnonaMay*

        Agreeing with DaisyAnon here. For some of us, seeing these names is instantly cringe-worthy and the LW added at least one in her update, leaning into the conceit. I don’t want to be thinking about bigoted authors when I’m reading this delightful site and it would be terrific if this could be obscured, another time.

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        1. Pleasant*

          I totally get not wanting to think about unpleasant things, but it’s unrealistic to think that a site you like will shield you from feeling cringe about someone or referencing an author you dislike (even if it’s for good reason).

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    5. Honey Badger*

      Can we not try and control other’s posts and avoid politics here? Disagreement is not trolling. Unless it violates TOS, read on.

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    6. MicroManagered*

      Feel free to boycott JKR’s work if you feel like you need to. You do not get to police other people though. It’s fake names in an advice letter — let’s keep it in perspective.

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    7. jane's nemesis*

      I didn’t even recognize that these were HP themed names, because “Jane” seems to not fit at all. Of course I recognize Gilderoy, but sometimes people just like to use flowery fake names!

      Reply ↓
  7. Brooklyn*

    Love the update, though I think it’s a bit frustrating that LW thinks their union should have interfered with their manager? Like, it doesn’t sound like Cornelius was abusive or absent, just… not a good manager? What did they expect the union could do about that?

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    1. WellRed*

      I think between the union part and the HR part, OP maybe had some job expectations that didn’t line up with the the reality of work but I bet five years on, they have learned all this.

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    2. Heffalump*

      Cornelius may not have been abusive, but Dolores sure was. I’m glad the LW is in a better place, but I’m sorry Dolores wasn’t held accountable.

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  8. Slow Gin Lizz*

    This is a wonderful update, congrats, OP! I guess Dolores is still there causing dolor, huh? Too bad. Maybe she’ll get her comeuppance soon.

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  12. Seashell*

    If someone was screaming for 75 minutes during a 30 minute meeting, I think I’d have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom somewhere around minute 40.

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  13. Heffalump*

    The original HP character was Dolores Umbridge, and Dolores certainly took umbrage at the OP and Cornelius.

    As for Sybil, Sybil Trelawney teachers divination, and as Hermione Granger said, divination is a very imprecise branch of magic. Make of it what you will.

    Reply ↓

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