did a haircut ever change the way you were treated at work?

by Alison Green on January 9, 2025

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes:

I’m a woman job hunting right now and desperately want to buzz my hair. It’s a pretty strong look, and I think it would have the same effect on my search as a bold hair color. I’ll probably do it.

But it got me thinking about a period where I went from medium length to very short hair and changed jobs at the same time. I was treated so differently with short hair. People assumed I was quite serious in a way I had never experienced.

Wondering if readers have any good stories about a haircut changing the way they were treated at work? Maybe even bad haircuts?! The week before lockdown in NYC, my hairdresser took out all of her anxiety on my hair and it was the worst haircut of my life. Before I realized how serious Covid was, I was glad to not be leaving the house!

Readers?

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{ 458 comments }

{ 458 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. A Book about Metals*

    I wish I had this issue. Unfortunately for me, male pattern baldness took my beautiful locks away many years ago :(

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  2. Mobie's Mom*

    When I went from shoulder-length with layers to a short, spiky cut, I don’t know that I was treated differently, but I found I dressed a bit more professionally, including earrings, which I normally don’t wear. So I maybe treated myself a little differently? We were a pretty small, close-knit office, though, so I wonder if things would have been different if I’d worked elsewhere.

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    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I’ve had a pixie at various points in my life and I feel like they awaken a need for statement earrings in your life in a way you don’t necessarily feel when your hair is longer. Maybe it’s a balance thing. I love a statement earring in general, but when my hair is longer it either covers them or gets caught in them, which is not especially fun.

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      1. Paint N Drip*

        do we have any crowd-sourced advice for statement earring vibe for someone without pierced ears (and no desire to get pierced)

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        1. LimeRoos*

          Lots of looking around different store! I also don’t have pierced ears, but do have a collection of sweet clip-on earrings. Thrift, vintage, or antique stores usually have a nice amount – if you do go for antiques, they might be less comfy depending on the backing. I’ve had luck at Von Maur (so anything like Macy’s or Nordstroms), there’s a brand, 1925 I think, that has really gorgeous clip-ons that are comfortable. It’s really just looking through the jewelery racks and seeing what clip-on selection they have.

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        2. LimeRoos*

          Ope. It’s 1928 – I just googled. But they have a whole selection of clip-ons that look fantastic and are comfy.

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          2. Glad I’m Not In the Rat Race Any More*

            Omg is that brand still going? I wore that stuff in the 70s and 80s. At least I did until my earlobes decided “too much nickel.” They’re lovely though!

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            1. LimeRoos*

              yes! and they do have some very nice stirling (sterling?) silver because my mom is also allergic to things (I forget what), but she loves them.

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            2. Pumpkin Cat*

              I also loved them in the 80s when I was little and am excited they still exist! I used to love going to the dept store, I can still picture where they were.

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            3. SurlyAF*

              I loved that brand in the 80s too! I had no idea they were still around.

              I never wear earrings anymore. I’ve developed an allergy/sensitivity to pretty much everything, probably from all the cheap ass earrings I wore as a teen in the 80s!

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              1. zooblejinks*

                Have you ever tried coating your earrings with clear nail polish? I have a nickel allergy and that’s allowed me to wear a bunch of earrings that my skin would never tolerate otherwise! It does wear off after a while, but it’s easy enough to slap another coat on.

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        3. Caramel & Cheddar*

          I don’t have any suggestions for specific brands, but the clip on game has really evolved in the last thirty years (i.e. since I first got mine pierced). When I was a kid they were either those kind that had a screw on the back or the hinged kind that always pinched, but now you can get a lot of plastic/rubber/other materials ones that rely more on tension to keep them on your ears (they’re almost spring loaded? I don’t know what the correct terms are here). They’re also often clear, so I’ve even seen things like large hoop earrings with a clear U-shaped tensioned clip that you wouldn’t realise were clip-ons unless you looked really closely.

          I usually shop for earrings on Etsy because I like unique stuff and supporting independent jewellery makers, so if you search for “statement clip on” you should get good results.

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        4. A Simple Narwhal*

          Have you tried ear cuffs? They can be anywhere from subtle to statement and they just wrap around either parts of your ear or the whole ear (depending on size), no piercing required.

          I also feel like funky glasses project a similar vibe, as do funky/chunky necklaces.

          If you wear glasses I remember having these Halloween sunglasses as a kid that instead of arms that sat on your ears, they had these chains that wrapped around your ears instead and ended with plastic spiders at the end to weigh them down and keep the glasses on your face, and they looked like I was wearing dangling earrings. In my fruitless hunt to find this bit of nostalgia I found that putting chains or charms on your glasses is a thing, you could try that too!

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          1. MigraineMonth*

            Almost all my clothing/accessories come from a thrift store or t-shirt giveaways, but I spend real money on my glasses. (The frames, I mean. I also spend a lot on the lenses, but with my astigmatism that’s not optional.)

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        5. Allegra*

          Etsy would be a great place to look, I have seen a lot of cool clip-ons there. You could also look into ear cuffs, the ones that wrap around the middle of your ear–they’re super popular right now so they’re easy to find, and they don’t need a piercing! I love that look but don’t want to get a cartilage piercing while I’m still masking a lot and would be bumping it constantly, so I’m delighted by how many cool piercing-less ones there are now.

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        6. JMR*

          Estate sales! A lot of older women don’t have pierced ears, and the clip-on earrings end up at estate sales. My grandmother sourced an enormous collection of pretty funky clip-ons that way.

          Also, on Etsy, you can search for clip-ons and filter out the earrings for pierced ears. And if a particular pair you like isn’t available in a clip-on, definitely try contacting the seller to see if they can make it in a clip-on for you. I’ve had luck that way with independent artists or sellers with smaller shops.

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            1. That Paralegal*

              Yep, I was there. They absolutely hurt like hell. The only way I found to tolerate them is to wear a pair of high heels that hurt *worse*. I love vintage jewelry, but I’m done with clip-ons. Paying to have them converted to posts tends to be cost-prohibitive.

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              1. bishbah*

                Mu aunt just gave me a pair of earrings that were clearly converted at some point from clip-ons to post…but the clip is still there? So you have to have pierced ears to wear them but it still pinches hard. No post back to lose, though. So odd!

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        7. HigherEdEscapee*

          Ooh, yes! I make and repair jewelry and a lot of folks wear clip on, screw back, and magnetic earrings. I repair a lot of vintage and antique earrings for unpierced ears and find a lot of folks get them as statement earrings for everyday wear, nights out, work, etc. A good vintage shop should be able to set you up with comfortable vintage earrings and, as an FYI, the strength of the clip can be adjusted! You just need needlenose plyers and a little know how.

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        8. Bibliothecarial*

          I got some great ones from antique shops! I also bought a pack of clip on ear pieces from a craft store and now I convert pierced earrings to clip ons. I sometimes make my own too; the tutorials for pierced earrings generally work fine for clip ons.

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          1. Hazel*

            Claire’s, craft stores and jewelry supply stores (for better quality and actual silver) will have clip on pieces for dangly earrings – just use tiny craft pliers to open the link, detach the dangle from the pierced ear hook, and close it again on the clip on. You can also get jump rings in case you need an extra link to make the earring hang right. For studs there are converters that slide over the post and bend it into the clip.

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        10. Admin of Sys*

          A bit of a crafty solution, but you can get clip on backers and cut the post off of post earrings and convert them.

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        12. Raida*

          earring hooks/loops will give you a lotta bang for your buck, even with pierced ears I’ve got a few.
          One is seven chains of 20cm long gold discs – I balance that with a gold stud in the other ear.
          One is pearls and sits diagonally across my ear – only wear that sometimes because two days in a row and my ear is sore.
          And one has a flouro pink and orange dragon on it.

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      2. A Simple Narwhal*

        Oh wow that’s a super interesting point! I used be all about funky earrings, the bigger and weirder the better, and it was definitely during a point in my life when I had really short hair.

        I’m not sure if I moved away from statement earrings because I grew my hair out or if my overall tastes just changed (my short hair happened when I was in college/my early 20s and desperately trying to find an identity) but “…[pixie cuts] awaken a need for statement earrings in your life in a way you don’t necessarily feel when your hair is longer.” absolutely rang true for me. Thanks for the insight and laugh this morning!

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      3. Foxglove Beardtongue*

        YES same. I’d never really conscious tried to be feminine, exactly, but I absolutely felt the need (my own desire, not from society) to find other ways to present as feminine with the short hair. So many statement earrings. I also did feel that I felt more polished, in general, because I basically always had to have my hair done. Sure, it was way simpler, but there was messy bun equivalent.

        It also caused me to think more about my gender identity that I ever had. I’ve always known I’m cis but I didn’t really know how I knew…but the certainty with which I felt I wanted to present as a woman despite the short hair was eye-opening. And paradoxically, I actually found that I loved being a little more androgynous as long as it read as skewing femme. It felt good.

        But dang, growing it out was effing annoying. I wish I could just switch back and forth without the awkward phase! Growing out bangs is *nothing* compared to that.

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        1. MigraineMonth*

          I had a very similar experience! I hadn’t realized being femme was important to me until I suddenly wasn’t.

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        2. Tiny Soprano*

          Oof yes the growing out phase. I only suit very very short or very very long hair, and going through the in-between stages of shaggy hobbit, lank teenage boy bob and soccer mum lob was agony. I’m glad I did the very very short once though, it was fun and super unique!

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      5. HL*

        YES. I never used to wear large earrings until I chopped my waist length hair to a pixie, then suddenly statement earrings became a major thing for me.

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      6. Timothy (TRiG)*

        My mother, when dressed up smartly, wears long earrings which are almost hidden in her long, dark hair. If she had shorter hair, she probably couldn’t wear the earrings, as she’s a sign language interpreter, and bouncy dangly earrings are visually distracting.

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    2. PostalMixup*

      Same. I upped my makeup game when I went from armpit-length to pixie to counter the androgyny it brought to my face.

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    3. Happy*

      I shaved my head during lockdown and was curious whether it would impact my prospects when I interviewed for a couple of jobs (it did not – at least not enough to keep me from getting job offers). And honestly it made me feel more at home in the position that I did take, even as my hair grew back out, because I knew that non-standard ways of presenting were acceptable.

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    4. Joielle*

      Same! I generally have very short hair of a somewhat unusual color, so I balance it out by keeping the rest of my look very polished. I think people actually take me more seriously with short, weird hair – like, she must be good if she can get away with looking like that. Lol

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  3. Caroline*

    I graduated in the doldrums of 2008 and really struggled to find a job. I decided to change something I could control and got rid of my blonde highlights and went back to my natural brown color. I started getting better feedback after interviews and eventually did get a full time role. Was it that I’d gained experience in interviewing and performed better? Did my hair color make me seem more committed and serious? I’ll never know.

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    1. AvonLady Barksdale*

      I would bet it’s connected to the “change something I could control” part. I always gain confidence when I kind of take control and lower the stakes in my head a bit.

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      1. Gingy*

        I know what you mean. Over covid, I stopped straightening my hair after many years of damage. To ease out of it, I still straightened for special occasions, but for one job interview I decided not to and I got the job. Was I very qualified a great fit for the job? Yes. But maybe somehow I felt more confident in general, not being insecure about my hair.

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        1. Ali + Nino*

          This is so interesting bc my understanding is that curly hair usually reads “less professional” than straight hair (I don’t think that’s morally correct, but that’s how people seem to interpret it).

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    2. it's why I'm not a lawyer*

      I was told by a law firm that my natural red curls were “too ethnic” and I’d have to dye it brown or blonde and flatiron it if I wanted to get hired in DC (where fiance worked).

      Career services gave me a lecture on my hair when I got back to law school from the interview, because the law firm was apparently ticked off enough about my hair to offer ONLY that feedback to the law school about me.

      It’s just, like, normal red hair. I wore it in a tight, neat, French twist, with invisible pins (not clippy claws). I wasn’t Merida-ing out or anything.

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      1. Anon with Damaged Hair*

        I have legitimately been treated better at jobs where I have short, dyed, relatively straight hair. My hair is dry as a bone due to the treatments and nutrient deficiency (I literally have malnourishment symptoms from eating gluten, and I am still recovering). I think it became a “you must look professional” thing combined with working in a field where women with short hair were given more respect. I have long hair now and am treating it properly for the first time in my life. (I also used to cut it because it was so dry I’d have rashes from the skin contact. I have eczema and that sensation is brutal.)

        I did spend some time exploring my gender identity with that, but ultimately, found I was happier when I had control of my appearance. I was raised to conform to specific standards and my parents kind of suck, and think long hair means you’re going to become a trad wife (I wish I was kidding). I love my hair. I was not allowed to for…18, 20 ish years? I also have borderline curly hair that has to be fixed Just So or it looks unprofessional. (2b bordering on 2c, it curls itself with the waves when I take care of it.) As a shitty bonus, my field is quite sexist — performative femininity aside, my lack of makeup and chunky classes were both tolerated better when I had short hair. (I am allergic to makeup. It causes horrendous eczema breakouts. With short hair it was like everyone assumed I was wearing it!)

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      2. Amy Purralta*

        I dye my hair ginger and wear it curly and have for 10 years now. I’ve never had an issue being taken seriously as a professional. I’m in the UK so I wonder if the USA is a more conservative when it comes to appearance.

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      3. Quiet1*

        Wow I never thought red hairnwas ethnic, what the heck does that even mean? I always thought it meant you were Scottish or Irish or something. Isn’t everyone some type of ethnic anyway? Seems weird that a law firm would be so discriminatory about hair color. Life is odd!!

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        1. Jane*

          I am curious too, I know red hair occurs in non-white people, but I’m really grasping at straws to think of what could be going on with such a statement – afaik in the US there is certainly no association of red hair with any ethnic group. Curly hair, sure, I can imagine someone saying “too ethnic” bc that is associated with certain groups that have been discriminated against. but with the emphasis on RED hair, and implication that it’s from white European background (Merida comparison) I’m taken aback. That’s really not at all what “too ethnic” means.

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  4. Betty Spaghetti*

    I used to buzz my hair and, once a year, temporarily dye it a fun, bold color. At my previous workplace, this was absolutely technically allowed. I always made sure the temp color wouldn’t occur during periods of heavy public interaction or important external meetings. I stopped doing it after a few years because of the nasty looks and comments I received from coworkers, supervisors, and alders (municipal job). It was like, for those few weeks I had the color, I was hugely suspect, unstable, and a target to be bullied. The rest of the year, with regular hair color, no problems. I stopped the dye after a few years because I wasn’t willing to put up with the reactions on top of what was already a toxic workplace.

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          2. Cyndi*

            I used to work at a job that banned boots taller than the ankle (yes, it was definitely shaft height and not heel height). I always figured it was another of their petty security theater policies–that job was full of them–but maybe this was the reason all along!

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            1. An*

              The best dress code I ever experienced was one sentence: clothing must be clean and mended. That’s it. That job was a mess in most other respects and the company went out of business a few years after I left, but the dress code was a real highlight.

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              1. MigraineMonth*

                I worked at a company that had the dress code “clothing must be worn while customers are present”. Many people (not just higher-ups) had private offices, and occasionally one would have the sign “Do not enter, taking advantage of dress code.”

                One week a year, we would have an actual dress code while many VIPs visited, and the majority of the employees were clearly wearing their interview suits from years ago that didn’t actually fit.

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    2. NYWeasel*

      I worked at a job like this, where even aggressive highlighting was suspect. At my current job, upper management finds bold hair colors fun and it’s taught me to really consider cultures in potential explorers.

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      1. wondercootie*

        Same here. I dyed my hair “flamingo pink” during lockdown. It’s been a few different colors now (my boss is still campaigning for green), and even the dean of our college compliments it. Back in the fall when I was dealing with family health issues and post-hurricane cleanup, I let it fade to my original blond/grey, and so many people commented that they could tell I was going through a rough time by my hair color. When I finally had a chance to dye it (currently a dark lavender), a lot of the higher ups said they were glad it was back. Culture fit is definitely a thing to look for.

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      2. Tiny Soprano*

        The first time I dyed my hair pink I started at the ends so I could hide it if my very irritating, conservative manager didn’t like it. To my surprise he thought it was really cool! My current workplace is super chill and we’ve got some scarlets, pinks and neon greens in the office, but I can’t participate this year because I have shows on and it’s driving me bananas. Opera is still way too conservative and they don’t like throwing money at wigs if they can avoid it.

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    3. Tree*

      oooo I was at a conservative fortune 100 company and mentioned to my boss that I missed having blue hair. he said of course I could dye it! “actually wait let me check” and ran it up 2 more levels of management. word came back down that I would not have any problems in that part of the org but they couldn’t guarantee working with other teams it wouldn’t be held against me. so I had blue hair until my job started having more cross team projects

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  5. Serious Pillowfight*

    As someone who is always changing my hair, I love this question and can’t wait to see the answers!

    I don’t know if hair color changes count, but I can tell you that when I colored my platinum blonde hair back to a dark brown in my late 20s/early 30s, men in their 50s and 60s at my office job were vocally and visibly disappointed.

    *shrug*

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      2. Forest hag*

        That is ick. I remember one time I bleached my hair at home – it’s naturally dark brown, and I had sort of a mid-length curly shag. When I showed up to work the next day, I got a lot of compliments from men – including some that were like, “Oh wow I really loooove your hair”, and there was nothing different about the style, just the color. It was super gross.

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        1. No Compliments Ever?*

          So, genuinely, if the only thing they said was “I really love your hair” after you made a significant change to its appearance – and you consider that “super gross” – should men just never pay compliments to women on anything about their appearance, ever? Because a new haircut/color/style is probably the most benign thing to comment on as I can think of.

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          1. amoeba*

            That really depends on tone though. A friendly “hey, new hair? Looks great!” is a *very* different story than what I imagine here…

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          2. Serious Pillowfight*

            It’s when men gush over us when we go blonde, but say nothing (or act disappointed, in my case) when we go brown or red or black, that gives the “ick” feeling. It’s like they subconsciously see blondes as sex symbols or something.

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            1. it's why I'm not a lawyer*

              don’t worry, when they meet redheads they freely inform you they’ve slept with blondes and brunettes but never a redhead and they’d like to “complete the set.”

              They also ask you a lot about whether the carpet matches the drapes.

              So delightful.

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                1. it's why I'm not a lawyer*

                  it used to when I was younger and dumber and the world was 00s-ier.

                  Got to my mid 30s and starting saying to those guys’ faces that that was completely work inappropriate and I was reporting it to HR and for one particularly vulgar comment I informed the “gentleman” that it was defamation per se to suggest that a married woman was engaging in sexual activity with men other than her husband and I would be consulting my lawyer after I spoke with HR.

                  I’m also pretty outspoken when similar sorts of creepiness happens to my younger, female coworkers who may be hesitant to speak up — they’re newer to the work world, they’re not used to hearing something inappropriate in a work setting, they’re socialized not to be disagreeable.

                  But me? I’m perimenopausal and disagreeable as HELL, and if some creepy dude of 35 thought he was getting away with saying something gross-but-just-inside-the-line to my 25-year-old shy colleague? HELLO SIR NOW YOU WILL DEAL WITH PERIMENOPAUSAL MEDUSA WHO LIASES WITH OUR LABOR & EMPLOYMENT COUNSEL. “Why would you say that? What did you mean by that? It was a joke? I don’t get it, explain it to me. No, I don’t get it, explain why it’s funny …”

          3. it's why I'm not a lawyer*

            After having to think about it really hard when my autistic child asked why some compliments made people mad but others didn’t, we told him the rule of thumb is that it’s always okay to complement something someone chose — the color of their shirt, their cool shoes, their scarf, their purse — but that it can be really tricky to complement something they didn’t choose or can’t change (their eye color, their body shape, their height). And that even when it isn’t “creepy,” it can make people feel self-conscious. Whereas when you complement their awesome shoes, you’re complementing their taste, which basically always feels good.

            Hair is sort-of in-between since you can make SOME choices about it, but it also is one of those “inherent to your person” that comes a little close to the line of “talking about someone’s body” for a man complementing a female coworker. Men I know well and have a friendly work relationship with, not bothered at all. Men I have rarely spoken to who comment on my hair? Feels weird.

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              1. it's why I'm not a lawyer*

                We really had to think it through and talk it through, because when you understand intuitively when a compliment will be welcome and when it will be creepy, it’s very difficult to put it into words! We were road testing preliminary attempts at definitions with friends, before settling on this as a good, clear, easy to understand dividing line that will almost always put you on the correct side of a compliment being welcome.

                And the idea of complimenting something they chose versus complimenting something about their body they can’t change was very easy for my child to understand and internalize and made sense to him immediately.

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            2. Goldenrod*

              I like this! I used to be very self-conscious about my height (tall, for a woman). I hated anyone commenting on it at all….Once I stopped being self-conscious about it, the comments don’t hurt anymore…but I still think it’s kind of weird.

              Especially the people who go, “You’re tall!” Like, okay….I have noticed that too. :I

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          4. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

            So, genuinely, you should think about this yourself. You’re likely capable of figuring it out. Start from believing the woman who was there that it was gross. Accept that it is *not* benign instead of trying to explain why it’s okay. Put yourself in the shoes of the woman, not the man. Don’t think “If I said that, I would mean this.” Think of the worst guy you know saying it. Connotation, context and double entendre are all things that exist in English. You know this.

            Also… “oh, so now I can’t pay a compliment to any woman ever?” <–What if the answer was yes? Why would this be a problem for *you*? Why is it important that you "get to" give a compliment/let a woman know you approve of her appearance? Why is it about you at all?

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            1. Distracted Librarian*

              This. And really, if you can’t tell the difference between a casual, “I like your hair,” and a creepy, “Mmmm, I looooovvveeeee your hair,” then you shouldn’t be giving anyone compliments about anything.

              I like The Rock Rule: If you wouldn’t say it to The Rock, don’t say it to a woman at work.

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            2. Firefighter (Metaphorical)*

              Here to ask this. What would you lose if you could no longer compliment women on their appearance? Why do you need / want to? (Context: am a 50yo lesbian who consciously stopped commenting on younger women’s appearance, ever, when I got into management, and then for consistency stopped with others too. I don’t feel like it has radically constrained my interactions, honestly.)

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          5. MigraineMonth*

            Genuinely, there is a notable difference between what Forest hag wrote (“Oh wow I really loooove your hair”) and how you misquoted her (“I really love your hair”).

            If you cannot tell that the first is expressing sexual interest, then yes, you should refrain from complimenting women unless you are in a relationship where you know that expressing sexual interest is appreciated.

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          6. Workerbee*

            If you are a man, no, definitely do not pay compliments to women on their appearance. Turn that urge instead to listening to the countless comments that clearly recount the issue at hand and let 2025 be the end of such disingenuousness.

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    2. Kay*

      I’ve had this one happen before too! They even felt entitled to touch it!! The level of disgust I had was thankfully masked by my level of shock or things may have escalated. After I regained my senses I forever labeled them with my newfound information.

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    3. Barry*

      I was once broken up with after changing my long blond hair into a short brown bob because I “wasn’t attractive anymore”….. so yeah it’s a thing. Really gross.

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      1. PhyllisB*

        In college I dated a guy who refused to speak to me for over a week because…I got my hair trimmed. Not a real cut, a trim. When he decided to speak to me again, we had WORDS in which I told him I understood he liked long hair and I would keep it long, but it WAS my hair and my decision how to maintain it, and if he couldn’t handle that, well there’s the door.
        We broke up not long after that and one of the first things I did was cut my hair short.

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    4. wilma flintstone*

      Ooh, this happened to me! I cut my hair and dyed it black. An older male coworker’s face fell when he saw me. “Oh, you had such pretty long brown hair!” I quipped back, “And now I have pretty short black hair!” , spun on my heel and swanned out.

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      1. Serious Pillowfight*

        Right, it’s as though we’ve somehow failed as women because we changed something a man felt was conventionally attractive about us. And this is at WORK! None of this should be in play in 99% of industries.

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      2. strawberry milk charlotte*

        This happened to me at work too! I cut my ~midback, almost waist length hair above my shoulders at 19 and a male (pushing 60) (I used to work with a lot of gross dudes now that I think of it.) coworker would regularly express disappointment about it and whine and insist that “Oh well, it’ll grow back I guess.” My reply was “Not if I have anything to do with it! I like it like this.”

        My hair’s still short, and I don’t know if that gets me treated differently, but I do feel more confident and more like myself the way I look now and I know people respond differently to that. (Not all of that is hair related; some of the confidence is I was a teenager then and I’m in my twenties now)

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      3. Walk on the Left Side*

        Your response here is sheer perfection. Right up to your use of the word “swanned” to describe your brilliant exit. You are an inspiration.

        To be clear, because text is a terrible medium: this is not sarcasm. Seriously, you are amazing. This is the kind of retort I think of the next day and then kick myself over for weeks.

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    5. Tiny Soprano*

      When I buzzed my hair at 21, so many damn people in my hometown, who saw me maybe once a year if that, were also vocally disappointed, including the damn mayor. Like, why do you care what a random 21 year old does with her hair? (I mean, I know why they care, but ugggggghhhhhh)

      Reply ↓
      1. Tabihabibi*

        The mayor takes the cake! Town proclamation: Whereas, Tiny Soprano used to have long hair. Whereas, Council finds long hair attractive…

        Reply ↓
  6. ChurchOfDietCoke*

    I definitely got treated like I was less senior when I dyed my hair very light blonde. Now I’m back to my natural red/brown I get treated more seriously.

    Reply ↓
    1. Verity Kindle*

      I knew a woman with a maths PhD who dyed her naturally blonde hair brown and wore glasses so that people didn’t treat her like a bimbo. /rage

      Reply ↓
      1. Silver Robin*

        My mother purposefully played into “airheaded bimbo” in how she dressed in her first job as a computer programmer (80s) to then “innocently” point out mistakes because she was “confused”. She delighted in weaponising it but she was lucky that she could metabolize the rage that way

        Reply ↓
  7. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

    I typically have hip length hair but there’s been a definite attitude toward me shift when I stopped dyeing it. Letting the grey come through has actually got me more respect and more importantly way less harrassing comments from the male of the species.

    Reply ↓
    1. ScruffyInternHerder*

      Crap its not just me?

      Since my hair has started greying, suddenly I’m questioned less on whether I know my stuff. I’d say its just that people I work with have more experience with me…but its customers/new people, not the guys I work with day to day, who are doing this sudden acknowledgement of my level of experience.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rocket Raccoon*

        Not just you. I’m petite and babyfaced and was THRILLED when my hair started greying because now I look like a “real grownup”.

        Reply ↓
        1. MissMuffett*

          Same. I am typically mistaken for about 10 years younger but the greys are counteracting that a bit, thankfully. As a petite person, it’s already hard enough to be taken seriously as an adult and professional sometimes.
          I will say though – working virtually, with few video meetings, and not having met many, many colleagues in person, it’s great to be given the right respect based on (gasp) my actual job performance and not how I appear!

          Reply ↓
    2. Paint N Drip*

      Interesting. Being plus-sized with plenty of visible white hair in my late 20s and early 30s downgrades my treatment at work, by internals and externals both – when our relationship is phone and email only I will get used to X treatment, when our relationship enters a physical realm it feels like I get downgraded to 60-80% of X. This experience makes me think that lots of workplace professionals only offer respect to women if they’re attractive enough – I’m glad you’re experiencing respect as a factor of your age, hope to get there myself.

      Reply ↓
      1. it's why I'm not a lawyer*

        Also plus-sized, and have to tell you, aging out of being attractive to men made the plus-sized part matter a lot less. I feel like I get treated like a “matriarch” now and not a potential romantic partner.

        I do look at women in the upper echelons of management at my company, though, and I feel like there’s pretty clearly a weight-and-botox requirement above a certain level of visibility. But then, I’m increasingly seeing senior male executives here with botox, so at least it’s a gender-neutral-ish fear of wrinkles?

        Reply ↓
        1. kicking-k*

          I agree with that, about it making less of a difference as you age.(It wasn’t always so.) I am never going to be among the upper echelons anyway, as I’m a lone specialist in my role and there is nowhere to promote me to. So, so long as I look like I know what I’m talking about, I don’t think it matters that I’m kinda stocky and unadorned.

          I don’t actually worry about size discrimination within my own team because, by chance AFAIK, everyone at the moment is on the larger side.

          Reply ↓
    3. Generic Name*

      Honestly, one of the reasons I stopped dying my hair when my grey started becoming noticeable is because I wanted to be taken more seriously at work. (The other reason being I didn’t want to deal with the awkward skunk stripe trying to grow out the die on very grey hair, and I also don’t want to still be dying my hair brown at 70). I like keeping up with fashion, and have a trendy haircut, so the streaks of grey makes it clear I’m not all that young.

      Reply ↓
    4. Three Owls in a Trench Coat*

      I’ve noticed that as well. The greys seem to give me more authority on the rare occasion I’m handling visitors at the office. As much as I want to return to navy blue hair, I loathe being told “oh! You’re so young!” at work. (I’m past the minimum for ADEA protection!)

      With one exception, my hair length doesn’t seem to be as much of an issue. As to that exception – I decided to go very short with a buzzed undercut at the beginning of lockdown. We had very few employees and visitors in the office then, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but the few coworkers there had a strong reaction to it. My (now ex) supervisor started treating me very poorly. I suspect she’s a covert homophobe (among other prejudices) and thought I looked too masculine. I’ve never been traditionally feminine, but I think the haircut, plus my androgynous style preferences, made her uncomfortable.

      My current office has a very different attitude. I fit in perfectly. And so do my loafers and pixie cut.

      Reply ↓
    5. kicking-k*

      I’ve found the same. I have a fairly young-looking face for 45 (this has been commented on! at work!) but my hair is greying at the temples and it does seem to add… something. I never did dye it, but I used to use temporary cover for job interviews. I wouldn’t do that now.

      My hair is also hip-length but I hardly ever wear it down at work (purely practical reasons – my job involves moving around and carrying things) and I have occasionally had startled comments when people see it down at after-work social events. This has cemented me in my feeling that it looks more professional – or at least less distracting – braided or up.

      I got my current job just before the first lockdown of COVID and had been contemplating getting my first “real” haircut before I started, since it would have been my first new job since turning 40 and I wondered if I ought to look more polished, but then I obviously couldn’t go to a salon. By the time I could, everyone was used to me and my hair over video calls, so I didn’t bother.

      Reply ↓
  8. Caramel & Cheddar*

    I once went from long hair to a pixie cut about three months into a new job, and colleagues who I’d definitely met before and had been in meetings with kept re-introducing themselves to me like I was a brand new coworker.

    Reply ↓
    1. Beth*

      Work impact of not getting a haircut:

      I was born in 1960, and I’ve had long (waist-length or longer) hair my entire life. I went through a good three decades of being pressured to cut it, because “nobody wears long hair any more”. Finally, longer hair on women came back, although my contemporaries still had short hair.

      In my early 50s, I had to move across the country and interview again. Thanks to genetics, my face looks MUCH younger than my actual age, and with the long hair, I went through the process without anyone having any idea how old I was.

      Of course, a lot of my contemporaries let their hair grow during lockdown, and not all of them went back to short hair, so I don’t feel as much of a rare animal.

      Reply ↓
      1. JustaTech*

        I read a book recently “Nice Girls Still Don’t Get the Corner Office” and one of the specific pieces of advice on how to present yourself physically to be seen as a woman and not a girl is that your hair length should be inversely proportional to your age; ie, the older you are the shorter your hair should be.

        As a woman with long hair and no intention of cutting it “short” (though I do need a trim), my first response to that was “do you mean folks should be getting a buzz right before they retire?”

        Reply ↓
        1. Rocket Raccoon*

          In my experience (also older and not cutting my hair) is that if you wear your long hair up it has a similar effect to short hair.

          I always thought the “older women with short cuts” thing had more to do with shorter cuts adding volume to thinning hair rather than style choice.

          Reply ↓
          1. Lime green Pacer*

            I’ve always had hair past my shoulders, but I generally pull it into a ponytail, braid, or bun. When I wore my hair down at church once, people were amazed to see that I had long hair! They had been used to seeing me from the front, I guess.

            Reply ↓
          2. anotherfan*

            oh, interesting. I’ve had short hair all my life — my curly hair doesn’t look any longer when it’s long, just seems to curl more tightly — and I definitely was an outlier with my generation’s long, straight hair back in the day. I started graying late — in my early 60s — and I was able to project as a much younger woman while my hair was darker, which I considered an advantage while I was middle aged. But age discrimination is definitely a thing, and while I still have darkish hair, it’s more gray than brown these days. I won’t say a haircut has changed the way I’m treated since I’ve always had short hair, but definitely the amount of gray I show makes a difference. I’m seen as a ‘veteran’ these days and people don’t question my ability to do my job — I don’t get patronized by people I interact with who I don’t work with the way I did when I was younger.

            Reply ↓
          3. Former flower child*

            Agreed. In my 50s, I sometimes wore my shoulder-length straight hair loose, and sometimes in a French twist (easier and tidier than a bun, at least for me). There was definitely a difference in how I was treated.

            I think there was a hint of “She should dress her age” in the reactions to the loose hairstyle, though nobody came out and said so openly. My goal now is to grow my hair even longer, and wear it in a totally age-inappropriate braid down my back.

            Mind, I was super competent at what I did, so colleagues didn’t respect me less or more, either way, but new contacts and clients clearly did.

            While I’ve had very short hair at various times, it doesn’t really look good on me. How I myself felt about my appearance probably made more difference than short v long hair. If you want short hair, LW, go for it!

            Reply ↓
          1. JustaTech*

            It was one of many things in a “rapid fire” section of the book, along with “no tattoos or piercings except single earlobe” and “Only ever use your full name, Katherine not Kate”.

            But I imagine that no, the author would never think of any hairstyle except “down”, except perhaps to call a bun “librarian” and not something an ad executive would want to wear. (The advice is described as general, but felt very “corporate office” to me, as a person in biotech.)

            Reply ↓
      2. Frieda*

        Not for nothing, in the book The Burglary: The Discovery of J. Edgar Hoover’s Secret FBI, one of the activists who scoped out an FBI office in order to raid it later is described as a young-looking woman in her late 20s who partly becuase of her haircut read sufficiently as “undergraduate” to enter the office under the guise of someone doing interviews for a college class. So you never know how your hair might work to your advantage!

        Reply ↓
      3. it's why I'm not a lawyer*

        My mom is just a little older than you are and it drove her CRAZY that I wouldn’t cut my hair short when I entered the working world. I finally did (for non-work-related reasons), and I looked like Little Orphan Annie, and my dad left the room because he started tearing up because it looked so awful. I grew it back out and she never said a word about professional women needing short hair again.

        It legitimately looked absolutely terrible. It doesn’t suit my face at all, turned me into a trapezoid, and it turns out my curls need a little weight on them for me not to look like a madwoman. A neat french twist is better for everyone concerned!

        Reply ↓
    2. Lab Snep*

      This would be me. I have a mild facr blindness so if people change their hair, wear a hat, wear or do not wear glasses, I introduce myself.

      People are no longer upset about it and think it is hilarious.

      Reply ↓
      1. Veruca*

        Same! I know two couples at church. In each couple the wife is slender with ash blonde hair and the husband is stocky with a salt and pepper goatee. I have had dinner with each couple. One couple has a tall brunette daughter and one has a short blonde daughter.
        When I see them, I don’t know which couple it is until they go sit with their adult child.
        I explain it that to me, people look like potatoes. If you spent a lot of time with a certain potato, you’d probably be good at identifying that potato. Otherwise, it like someone pulling potatoes out of a bag and saying “This is Josh, this is Jim, this is Chris, this is Ashley, this is Emily, this is Elizabeth…” then putting them back in the bag and expecting you to know Jim from Chris later.
        Like, that part of my brain just does not work. Those files are empty.

        Reply ↓
        1. Potato Potato*

          I’m stealing this explanation! My example has always been cats. Like, if your cats were scooped up and put into a crowd with 20 other cats, could you identify them? What if the crowd of cats all had roughly the same coloring and size?

          (My username is unrelated, but an amazing coincidence)

          Reply ↓
      2. Lime green Pacer*

        My husband, who had had a beard for 20+ years, shaved it off one summer. People kept asking if he had new glasses! Nobody realized it was the facial hair that was missing.

        Reply ↓
        1. MigraineMonth*

          When I was living at home, I went from past-shoulder length hair to a short bob in one haircut. I asked my dad if he noticed anything different about me.

          Long pause. “…glasses?”

          Reply ↓
        2. NothingIsLittle*

          Cut off 14 inches in high school and a friend asked if I’d gotten it dyed… Suffice it to say, as identifying as head hair, facial hair, and glasses are, no one will be able to tell which you changed when you change them!

          Reply ↓
    3. She of Many Hats*

      That happened after a drastic haircut at a friend’s party with people who have known me 20+ years. Outer circle (more than acquaintance, less than bestie) friend arrived, joined the cluster talking with me, and introduced himself to me.

      Reply ↓
    4. Nozenfordaddy*

      When I chopped my hair from long to pixie years ago people started treating me less like a ‘girl’. As though I was suddenly… grown up enough to have my job? I also stopped dyeing my hair at that time so I went from long dark auburn to short salt and pepper over night.

      At least one coworker didn’t notice for three days.

      I have been gradually getting more buzzed and closer to a fauxhawk for years since that chop, the only response I’ve noticed in recent years is some people assuming I’m queer on sight. I’m not, but I don’t care if people who think particular haircuts are ‘gay’ think I am so I don’t bother to explain.

      Reply ↓
      1. Anon Again... Naturally*

        I work in IT and have brightly colored hair. When I used to change the color up pretty often, the (mostly men) I worked with loved it and always noticed when I changed it. Early in the pandemic I found an amazing color/dye combination that doesn’t fade out for me and have stayed the same bright pink since. I am 100% sure that at least one of my current coworkers would not know who you were talking about if you asked them about the woman with pink hair.

        Reply ↓
    5. Jay (no, the other one)*

      When I was 30, I had hair down to the middle of back and bangs. I was overweight with a round face and I looked at least ten years younger than I was, especially since I often wore it pulled up on the crown of my head with a bow. At the time I was working where I’d trained so I’d never really interviewed for a new job, and we were about to move across the country. I decided to cut it short – pretty much a pixie. My husband was out of town. I told him my plan. He walked right past me in the airport. Nobody recognized me – not my colleagues or my patients or the other members of my choir. I think people treated me more as a professional after the change.

      I’m now 64. For the past three years my hair has been varying shades of fuschia on a red base and now I have a purple streak. This has also changed how I’ve been treated. People assume I’m a lot of fun!

      Reply ↓
  9. Cnoocy*

    I once let my facial hair start growing out for a halloween costume, and a coworker thought it looked so good on me that they started a facebook group to have coworkers and friends convince me to keep it. I still have a goatee over a decade later.

    Reply ↓
    1. Area Woman*

      the first time we went to Burning Man, my now husband didn’t shave for like the first time ever. I thought it looked so good he’s been doing the heavy stubble beard look for over a decade as well!

      Reply ↓
    2. Jay (no, the other one)*

      My husband has had a beard the entire 40 years of our marriage. Last year he shaved completely for a Halloween costume. He looked so much like my father-in-law that I was incredibly relieved when it grew back.

      Reply ↓
        1. PhyllisB*

          I know two instances of men with small children shaving their beards. The one with a daughter wouldn’t look at him or talk to him for days afterwards. The other one with a son said the little boy burst into tears and asked Daddy to “put the hair back.”

          Reply ↓
    3. kicking-k*

      I grew my bangs out after deciding I liked how they looked gelled back off my face to be Morticia for Hallowe’en. It took years for them to catch up with my main hair length!

      Reply ↓
  10. Chocolate Teapot*

    I remember reading an article in a glossy magazine saying that brunettes were always going to be taken more seriously than blondes. It also gave the example that a blonde Spice Girl would never have been called Posh Spice.

    Reply ↓
    1. Tea Monk*

      My SiL dyed her hair brown because she’s a natural blonde and apparently blonde is less serious or something

      Reply ↓
      1. pomme de terre*

        My favorite line from 30 Rock is when Jenna screams, “That’s insane!” in response to the news that a natural blonde dyes her hair brown.

        Reply ↓
      2. Not on board*

        As someone said below, celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Caroline Bessette were viewed more seriously. I think it is possible to be viewed seriously with blonde hair but there has to be something to balance that out. It’s completely stupid but here it is.
        – pixie cut
        – smooth hair pulled back
        – glasses
        – more serious wardrobe
        – being visibly older

        Reply ↓
      3. JustaTech*

        My aunts, who are collectively short, smart, sharp and naturally blond, have been collecting “dumb blond” jokes for decades now.

        Most people only try out the “dumb blond” joke on the litigator or ER doc *once* before learning the error of their ways.

        Reply ↓
    2. Kate*

      Hmm, I wonder if that’s different in the US? There’s certainly a kind of expensive-to-maintain blonde that’s associated with taste and wealth. Think (dating myself, but I remember the Spice Girls too so) Gwyneth Paltrow or Carolyn Bessette Kennedy.

      Reply ↓
  11. NMitford*

    I had waist-length hair growing up and into college and didn’t see any reason to cut it when I graduated and started working. This despite my mother’s many comments of, “When are you going to do something with your hair?” every time I came home. Working in higher education, I do think it made me look younger than I was and may have contributed to my not being taken seriously all the time. I definitely felt a difference in how I was treated when I had it cut into a shoulder-length bob.

    Reply ↓
    1. JustaTech*

      My mom’s semi-regular comments about my hair length when I was in college absolutely contributed to me not wanting to cut my hair. (Her hair had been just as long when she was in college! Except that it was in style then and wasn’t for me.)

      I don’t know if my hair length contributes to how I’m perceived at work, mostly because I always wear it pulled up or at least pulled back, so it’s not obvious how long it is.

      Reply ↓
  12. HiddenT*

    It’s always frustrated me how people react to hair changes, especially on women/femme-presenting people. I’ve gone between long and short hair multiple times in my life, currently keep it quite short because I live in the southern US and it’s hot most of the year.

    I once got a drastic cut (medium long to extremely short) while working an office job with no face-to-face customer interaction. No one on my team said much other than the usual “gosh, what a change” noises, but a woman on another team asked me why I did it, and when I said I just felt like it, asked if I was a lesbian. I don’t remember what I said but it was definitely along the lines of “why is it your business”. She stopped talking to me after that (we didn’t have any work overlap, just sat near each other, so it didn’t affect my job).

    Reply ↓
    2. used to be a tester*

      I had a co-worker who also knew my husband ask if he knew I was bisexual when I got an undercut. I said something about being ‘tediously heterosexual’, but finding it kept me more comfortable in the summer.

      People are so weird.

      Reply ↓
      2. Meaningful hats*

        I once got “What does your husband think about this?” when I buzzed all my hair off. He was the one who buzzed me!

        Reply ↓
    3. Bast*

      I have seen, and heard, many comments about women with shorter hair and their sexual orientation. I’m not sure if they realize not all lesbians look the same, and there are plenty with long hair? I always find it so odd when someone pops off with that sort of comment.

      Reply ↓
      1. JustaTech*

        I’ve heard jokes from lesbians about a “first lesbian haircut” but they were just that: jokes about something that doesn’t actually happen all that often.
        It’s such a tired joke it’s right up there with people who ask if I’m a lesbian because I drive a Subaru. No, half this city drives a Subaru, do you have any other tired and unkind jokes you’d like to trot out today? Maybe something about my child not having a soul because his hair is strawberry blond?

        Some people.

        Reply ↓
  13. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    I ordered my fast food after my friend who is three days younger than I am. The cashier gave gray haired me a 10% discount. Colored my hair the next week. Week after that, same cashier, same restaurant, I did not get a discount.
    Hair plays a role.

    Reply ↓
    1. HonorBox*

      My dad was recognized as a bit older and received the senior discount at a fast food restaurant. He was quite happy about it.

      Reply ↓
      1. ECHM*

        lol a couple years ago, when my husband and I were 42, we discovered that a cashier had given us a senior discount …

        Reply ↓
      2. Elizabeth West*

        I can’t wait to take full advantage of every single discount I can get. But I’m waiting until my hair is fully grey/white, then I intend to have long witchy elder-elf hair. :)

        Reply ↓
        1. Potions in the Attic*

          I did not wait for 100% to rock the witchy elder-elf look! Mid 70’s. Still a good bit of earlier almost-red, and I love the bits of candy cane that appear when the two colors occasionally wrap around each other next to the streaks of grey/white

          Reply ↓
        2. Chauncy Gardener*

          Mine’s coming in that super snow white color and I am PUMPED. As soon as it’s all that color, dying my hair will cease forever!

          Reply ↓
      3. Medium Sized Manager*

        My late grandfather got a fake ID to get the senior pricing on baseball tickets a little faster. It amuses me every time I remember it.

        Reply ↓
    2. History Nerd*

      A friend who’s gone almost totally grey told me that she is treated with more respect at work now than when her hair was brown. Found that very interesting.

      Reply ↓
      1. Caramel & Cheddar*

        I wonder if this is related to how many women have let their hair go grey in the last five years. Pre-pandemic, you’d always read advice that grey(ing) women should colour their hair for things like interviews so that you weren’t perceived as “old” but I’m curious if we’ve finally reached a critical mass where it’s no longer a notch against you because it’s so common now.

        Reply ↓
        1. Texan In Exile*

          I have noticed so many more women with (beautiful!) gray hair since covid.

          I stopped dying mine as well, mostly because I am lazy and cheap, but also because I feel like there is so little I can do right now to make life better for young women that I can at least help normalize aging.

          Reply ↓
        2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

          I think it’s very field-dependent. In tech a hint of gray would be the kiss of death – I’d be seen as obsolete in a heartbeat. Not with existing coworkers, but certainly if job hunting. I’d do better with bright purple than gray in that situation, tbh. Sort of like graduation dates – my college graduation date starts with a 1, it is very much not on my resume anymore!

          Reply ↓
          1. Ali + Nino*

            I wonder if grey/silver could work depending on how it’s styled – for instance a sleek bun or angled bob? Along with how someone presents re: accessories, attire, etc.

            Reply ↓
            1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

              I think femme presenting women have a lot more space here. A butch haircut combined with gray is where I would be, and no, I wouldn’t be willing to femme it up.

              Reply ↓
            2. English Rose*

              I can speak to that! I went naturally grey/silver years ago and for a long time had an elegant short bob – think Christine Lagarde or Helen Mirren.
              More recently I’ve grown it past my shoulders and started dressing more boho and I am definitely taken less seriously at work!

              Reply ↓
            1. MigraineMonth*

              My guess would be both, but women getting impacted disproportionately due to the amplified effect of multiple biases.

              In my experience, you can get a lot of respect if you’ve been working on [company-specific product] longer than anyone else at the company, but that expertise doesn’t translate into getting hired at another company. We revere older trailblazers or luminaries, but that doesn’t mean we hire them.

              Reply ↓
        3. Banana Pyjamas*

          I think the perception of grey hair changed some as well because there was a trend to dye hair grey/silver for a few years.

          Reply ↓
          1. JustaTech*

            Yes, this was a big trend for a while before COVID – I had a coworker who was going grey who wanted to try this amazing looking style with an ombre from grey to green to blue.

            Reply ↓
            1. kicking-k*

              My sister has a Mallen streak and was asked by the teachers at school if it was bleached in. Nope! Our grandmother had one as well.

              Reply ↓
          3. PhyllisB*

            I know two instances of men with small children shaving their beards. The one with a daughter wouldn’t look at him or talk to him for days afterwards. The other one with a son said the little boy burst into tears and asked Daddy to “put the hair back.”

            Reply ↓
        5. Jasmine*

          One thing about Covid was that it was convenient to let your gray slowly grow out. When I’m ready to go from blonde to white I want to do streaks or blend it to avoid the sudden line between them. I just really don’t like that look.

          Reply ↓
      2. Possum's mom*

        I’ve gone completely gray in the last few years because I got tired of the constant root upkeep and now I enjoy better treatment outside of the workplace ( more common courtesies from strangers) but not so much from younger colleagues who are new to the workforce.

        Reply ↓
  14. Twisty*

    I went from a traditional long blonde look to mostly shaved at my fairly conservative workplace a few years ago. (I’m a woman.) I was nervous about it, but I actually got a lot of compliments from my “stuffy” coworkers and I don’t feel like I was treated differently post-cut. Helpful to note that while my workplace is conservative, I live in Southern California, which is overall very NOT conservative/traditional and unusual hair is very common here.

    Reply ↓
    1. NothingIsLittle*

      I started off with shorter hair, but I went much shorter with shaved sides recently. Conservative area, liberal workplace and got nothing but complements even though I wasn’t sure about it yet!

      Reply ↓
  15. Blue Pen*

    I cut my long hair recently, and I’m also picking up on this now. I don’t think I was treated unprofessionally (or poorly) with longer hair, but I am noticing a shift (and have in other workplaces in the past when my hair was shorter).

    I think longer hair on women generally signifies “younger,” whereas shorter hair signifies “older/more experienced.”

    Reply ↓
    2. Possum's mom*

      The telecom students from a local college vie for internships at nearby TV stations in my area, hoping for on-air assignments and eventual employment. The females start out with typically long, college coed hair that soon disappears, turning into shorter styles that presumably makes their reporting more reliable?

      Reply ↓
    3. duinath*

      Yeah… Not work related, but I had a pixie cut last year and thought I coincidentally had begun to look my age.

      As soon as my hair got past my ears I started getting carded when buying drinks again.

      Reply ↓
    4. Verity Kindle*

      The semester after I graduated from my undergrad degree, my college asked me to teach one of their intro-level courses. The college was small enough that I was teaching several friends and former classmates, and many of them were older than me. I cut my long hair into a bob that summer in an attempt to look more authoritative. Not sure it worked…

      Reply ↓
    5. Not a Girl Boss*

      I think the sweet spot of bob to ‘upper shoulder length’ hair can help a lot with appearing older or more professional.

      I was young and had long layered hair when I started a job where I had to interact with a lot of executives. Then I cut it into a more “styled/stylish” long bob and felt like I was treated with more respect. It just helped contribute to a more put-together polished appearance, where long hair can easily look a little messy by the end of the day (or get thrown into a bun whenever I get sick of it, which was often).

      Reply ↓
  16. HonorBox*

    This isn’t directly at work, but it has made its way into work through things like external meetings. My hair is quite short. I was told earlier in my career that it might make people think I’m younger than I am. It hasn’t … in fact I think it has gone the other way. To paint a picture, I won’t tell my barber “high and tight” but it is darn close… luckily he knows what I mean and want. But it does definitely have a military vibe. I believe that I’ve been treated more respectfully because people make the assumption that I served. I didn’t. And I will correct people who assume I did… whether in a work meeting or if someone at a restaurant asks if I’d like to use my military discount. But it is interesting that what I heard about people assuming I am younger didn’t actually hold true.

    Reply ↓
    1. 40 Years in the Hole*

      Heh. Hubby served for 30 yrs and switched over to public service (defence adjacent) for another 15+. Fully retired 7 yrs ago. Still insists on “high and tight/lite” otherwise he feels shaggy. Not that there’s much left to cut and what there is, is silver-fox (or as he puts it: aluminum coyote).
      My grey streak came in in my late 50s/early 60s, while still at work – lots of compliments, even to this day:)

      Reply ↓
      1. Meaningful hats*

        I snort-laughed at ‘aluminum coyote’. My husband is starting to grey and I am 100% going to call him that when the time arises.

        Reply ↓
  17. Possum's mom*

    One time I tried a short, curly perm , not too different from my usual look, and my boss called me back to his office to say “I REALLY don’t like what you did to your hair .How soon can you put it back ?”. I was nineteen in my first job and panicked,not sure what to do!?

    Reply ↓
    1. H3llifIknow*

      What DID you do? I don’t know what I’d have done with my hair afterwards, but my reaction would have either been to laugh and say, “you’re joking right? My hair doesn’t affect my job performance” or to be much ruder. What an asshat!

      Reply ↓
      1. Possum's mom*

        Once I recovered from my initial shock, my reaction was much closer to your second guess .
        He backpedalled, saying how ATTRACTIVE I WAS ANYWAY, so he guessed he could WAIT IT OUT for my perm to grow out. After a number of employees ( past and current) came forward to relate similar comments he made to them, he was quietly launched out into the unemployment universe. We had a great DM and HR.

        Reply ↓
        1. kicking-k*

          The boss I had when I was 25 was close to retirement and… I would say, probably entirely oblivious to how anyone looked. He once went off on a rant about how he thought long hair must be unhygienic, because it would collect dust and get into things… and I said “I hope you don’t think mine looks unhygienic.” At which point he said “Ohhhh!” and apparently noticed my hair for the first time ever.

          I did not report him to HR. If he’d been young and not due to leave in a couple of months, I would have. He also had little rants about scruffy young people in jeans (allowed by our dress code) despite always wearing frayed shirts and the same dusty-looking tweed sports coat.

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  18. Nonsense*

    I started an internship with my hair in pretty rough condition – between lack of money, depression, and a massive class and homework load, I hadn’t cut my hair in about a year and half, so it was down to my waist with terrible split ends, coarse from a bad dye job the year before, color grown out, and just overall not good. After a couple months I saved enough to get it cut and styled at a good shop and people immediately noticed the difference. In length, yeah, I went from waist to collarbone, but also because I was happier with it fixed. I got so many compliments on the cut, and I realized later that people started coming to me more with new job tasks and opportunities.

    So basically, I went from looking like a depressed college kid struggling to make it to upcoming young professional.

    Reply ↓
  19. Kitchen Lady with Green Hair*

    I got furloughed from my daycare during covid and tried to dye my hair blue, but it came out green. Three days later I got called back and warned them my hair was a fucky color. They thought it was hilarious and just advised I wear a cap since I worked in the kitchen at the time. When I was delivering the meals to the classrooms, a couple of kids saw the green peaking out and I became famously know as “The Nice Lady in the Kitchen with Green Hair”. I felt like a cryptid at first, but I became very popular with the kids and that helped a lot when I transitioned to being a Floating Teacher since they all thought I was cool already.

    Reply ↓
    3. shedubba*

      Yep, kids are going to be the last ones to hold it against you if you have a non-natural hair color. They have so much exposure to alternative hair colors through anime/cartoons/Legos/etc. that they just think it’s cool, especially if they don’t see it much in real life.

      Reply ↓
      1. PhyllisB*

        Yep. I used to dye my hair red. During covid I tried putting on a color enhancer to cover dark roots. It turned my hair pink. (that’s when I realized I had underlying gray.) The grandkids thought it was awesome.
        After that I let it grow out and when all color was gone decided to try using a purple shampoo to enhance what gray I did have. It came out a lovely shade of lavender. The grands loved that one, too.

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    4. Meaningful hats*

      My hair is currently blue. I’ve noticed that every kid at my son’s preschool knows who I am and seems to inherently consider me a trusted adult. Once, when my son was taking his sweet time putting away his toys at pickup, one of his classmates invited me to join her at the craft table. I’d never spoken to this girl before, but we made two lovely paper snowflakes together.

      Reply ↓
    5. physics tech*

      haha yup, I was teaching as well (college level though) when I shaved my head and the students defiantly seemed to like it if the number of compliments I got is any indication. I had already been at my university for 2 years at that point though, so I was very much a know character.

      Reply ↓
    6. JustaTech*

      One of my friends is an ICU nurse who love to wear her hair in all kinds of really fun and funky colors. When she asked her hospital if she could do blue they were like “you can try, but the first complaint you have to dye it back.”
      It turns out that the blue hair did wonders for her reputation, because the patients often talk about “the nurse with brown hair” (which of the 8 people are you talking about?). But there was only one “nurse with the blue hair” so there was never any confusion about which nurse the patient (or patient’s family) liked or didn’t like, nor could any complaint be foisted off on her as “well maybe it was you”.

      Reply ↓
      1. MigraineMonth*

        Complaints? Right. Because when I or my loved ones are in critical condition and need round-the-clock monitoring and intervention, the thing I worry most about is whether or not I approve of the hair color of the highly educated professionals providing the lifesaving care.

        Reminds me of the HR woman who wrote in to talk about how unprofessional a hospital employee’s butt jiggle was and whether she could be forced to wear different underwear.

        Reply ↓
  20. Nannerdoodle*

    I have very curly hair (3C), and I’m a white woman (relevant to the story). I’ve always worn it in its naturally curly state. I’ve found that if I put it in a french braid or straighten it, I’m taken much more seriously at work. If I wear it down to interviews or client meetings, I’m seen as “quirky” or unprofessional. I wear it down and curly 90% of the time anyway, because it softens how people look at me (I’ve been told I’m blunt anyway).

    Before a lot of women who have curly hair started wearing theirs naturally, I was told (by other white people) that wearing my hair down and curly was “appropriation because only POC could have curly hair” (I was not doing anything other than putting products to de-frizz in my hair), which was interesting. I do not miss working at that company.

    Reply ↓
    1. Nannerdoodle*

      I forgot to answer the question! I cut my hair to chin length (not what I wanted, but what the hairdresser decided to do), and people thought I was much older and more experienced. Probably because I looked like one of the Golden Girls for several weeks while it grew out a little.

      Reply ↓
      1. Tea Monk*

        I laughed because they always try to change hair products for black natural hair to products for curly hair ( it’s not the same with loose curls versus kinks) There must be a huge market

        Reply ↓
    4. Wallaby, Well I'll Be*

      I’ve had the opposite experience. I straightened my curly hair for my entire life, but now in my late 30’s I’ve decided to embrace my curls, and wow, people are SO MUCH NICER TO ME! It’s insane. I’ve gotten an endless stream of compliments, and people just seem more comfortable coming up to me and talking to me at work.

      Also, as a brown person, I’d like to remind white people that putting words into brown and black people’s mouths is at least as offensive as outright racism. Don’t speak for us! Sit down and shut up!

      Reply ↓
      1. Nitpicker*

        I had been having my (naturally curly to frizzy) hair blown out for a while. One day I had to wash it myself so I came in with curly hair. Everyone asked me if I’d gotten a perm.

        Reply ↓
    5. Josephine Beth*

      I have long, curly hair. After spending my youth despising it, I have embraced it and more often than not wear it down and loose. But, when I do get it straightened I am treated far more seriously and have had a few people tell me my natural hair is unprofessional (I’m a white, 40-something woman who is well respected in my fields, for context). Straightening it is a lot of work, and I don’t like doing it, so I figure that’s a “them” problem.

      Reply ↓
      1. JustaTech*

        My hair is more wavy than curly, but it’s got a lot of body and a bit of a mind of its own. A few years ago I’d gotten a haircut (a rare occurrence because I also have pretty long hair) and as part of the haircut the stylist straightened it.
        I went in to work, showed my hair off to a few coworkers and then didn’t think anything of it until my boss came in while I was sitting at my computer in my cube and absolutely shrieked at me!
        “Oh my god I thought you were someone else!”
        The (pretty minor) change in color and texture was enough for my boss to think I had been replaced!

        Reply ↓
    6. Ellis Bell*

      Your last paragraph is so interesting, because, as someone who is also white with curly hair, whenever I was hardcore pressured as a kid or a teenager to straighten and smooth my hair it was often by people who were otherwise racist. It’s interesting that with you, it was framed as appropriation but they still wanted the same thing from you. With me, no one ever came out and said my hair looked too un-white but there was a super weird vibe where they wouldn’t say what they wanted to say without a lot of hemming and hawwing and nonsense about it looking “wrong” unless it was first straightened and then made into more acceptable curling tong curls.

      Reply ↓
    7. Jules*

      Found the curly commenters! I will not wear my naturally curly hair to a job interview. I straighten it. If it’s curly, I don’t think I’m taken seriously – the curls become something to comment on whereas if it’s straight, it doesn’t get attention.

      Reply ↓
    8. Consonance*

      My hair (white woman) is similar and I almost always wear it curly. I’ve never known it to make a significant difference in the outcome of an interview, but I do know that people think I look better with straight hair. Women will tell me they love my curls and wish they had them, but I get taken more seriously and get more compliments when it’s straight. I’ve had one boss who it turns out thought that I was perming my hair and had chosen to make it so curly – it turns out he was really confused why I was choosing such a weird hair style. Cool. I told him this is how it grows out of my head and I have better things to do with my time than spend an hour a day straightening it.

      It’s definitely been a welcome change to have more curls walking around the world. I came of age in the “I straighten my straight hair every morning” era of the early aughts, and it hasn’t done me any favors.

      Reply ↓
      1. PhyllisB*

        My granddaughter’s dating a young man who has shoulder length curly hair. Gorgeous!! I was teasing him one day about how women would pay a fortune to have those beautiful curls.
        My granddaughter spoke up saying everywhere they go people comment on it and want to touch it. (I can understand the impulse. I wanted to myself the first time I met him, but I restrained myself!!) But she says the weirdest thing is how many men without hair want selfies with him.

        Reply ↓
    9. Chief Petty Officer Tabby*

      I can’t roll my eyes hard enough as a Black woman. It’s not appropriation to wear your hair in its natural, curly state. Non-POC can and do have naturally curly hair, too.

      Reply ↓
  22. HannahS*

    I always wanted to try outlandishly coloured hair once, and I dyed my waist-length brown hair blue from the ears down, in the period after being accepted to medical school. I intended to chop it off in August. But my hair didn’t grow fast enough, and I still had blue ends when I started.

    My peers definitely thought I was much edgier and cooler than I am in reality. While being liberal and socially conscious, I had never had a boyfriend, never had a drink or used drugs, and never really partied. In particular, I noticed that peers who considered themselves “edgy” or “kind of non-traditional” (whether that was true or not) seemed interested in being friends with me, where similar people had previously considered me to be too religious, nerdy, or conventional for them.

    Reply ↓
    1. InTheWeeds*

      The perception of colourful hair at work is always a funny one.
      I started my career at a social media agency for creative clients when that was a relatively new kind of marketing – I was good at my job but the minute I dyed my hair blue I had to put way less effort into winning over clients because I visually embodied the look of “artsy creative young person who must know how to do the social media thing” haha

      Reply ↓
    2. Prudence Snooter*

      I had a similar experience when I went from long naturally colored hair to super short hot pink hair. All of my “edgy” classmates and coworkers (I was in school and waiting tables at the time) suddenly seemed to respect me more and want to be my friend. I’d also gone from overweight to skinny and slightly ripped at about the same time, so it’s hard to say which change had the bigger impact. Overall kind of uncomfortable realizing how much nicer even complete strangers were to me once I was “hot.”

      Reply ↓
    3. Not-very-edgy Librarian*

      LOL, my daughter begged me to dye her blonde hair pink once upon a time. We compromised on hot pink streak, with temporary dye which . . . ended up being *far* less temporary thank expected. Three months later, we moved to a new town, and she started kindergarten with the pink hair.

      The other moms definitely thought I was WAY cooler than I actually am for a while there.

      Reply ↓
      1. PhyllisB*

        When my blond son was in kindergarten he wanted me to dye his hair green for Halloween. Thinking it would wash right out, I used Kool-aid. Readers, Kool-aid DOES NOT wash right out. I would have just let it wear off with natural washing but the principal told me it was too distracting and to PLEASE get rid of the green hair. I bet I washed it twenty times!! I thought I was going to have to take him to a hair dresser and get the color stripped. I know you can buy products to strip color now, but this was early 90’s and you couldn’t buy stuff like that then.

        Reply ↓
  23. A Book about Metals*

    Reminds me of a letter from a few years ago about an employee who would frequently come back from lunch with a very different outfit and hairstyle. She was criticized for it but I was a supporter – I can’t stand when superficial things become a big deal in the workplace

    Reply ↓
    1. LizB*

      This really downplays the central weirdness of that letter, which was that she’d do it on days when she had client meetings, and the changes were sometimes so intense that the clients got confused about if they were talking to the same person they’d been working with before lunch. That’s an actual work impact.

      Reply ↓
      1. InTheWeeds*

        +1000000000
        It’s a fine thing to do on a random Tuesday when it’s just you and your coworkers, but it’s a very weird thing to do in the middle of client meetings.

        Reply ↓
  24. Nicole*

    I once heard a psychologist present a study on how women’s hair correlated with other people’s perception of their intelligence. Women with darker and shorter hair were perceived as smarter than women with blonder and/or longer hair. The images that were perceived as most intelligent were the ones without hair—not bald, but with their hair digitally erased. So maybe we should all wear turbans or hijabs?

    Reply ↓
    1. Anon for this one*

      So you’re saying I shouldn’t be wearing hats to conceal my chemo-induced baldness?

      (This does not align with my pre-chemo experience anyway. I had a short masculine cut which got me read as difficult and aggressive, versus my femmier colleagues. It may be true for feminine short hair like a pixie cut.)

      Reply ↓
      1. MigraineMonth*

        You say you were perceived as difficult and aggressive when you had short hair, but were you perceived as less intelligent?

        In my experience, being a woman at work is usually a double bind: I can be thought of as a team player (femme) OR very competent (masc), and either way I just don’t have what it takes to be a leader.

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    2. Ali + Nino*

      I’m really surprised that no hair correlated with most intelligent. But to your last note, I would not assume that a hair covering would spark the same association, particularly those with religious or cultural connections.

      I’m an observant Jewish woman who covers her hair. When I worked for a non-denominational Jewish nonprofit, I mainly wore headscarves, but sometimes wore a wig. I don’t think it affected how people saw me because I was 1) very young and 2) in an entry-level role. (I was the only one who wore headscarves, but one other woman wore a wig.)

      In the rest of my professional life, however, I’ve basically only worn a wig (looks very similar to my hair) because I don’t want to unnecessarily add a barrier to people feeling like they can relate to me.

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    3. Paint N Drip*

      This is genuinely fascinating… I’d love for a researcher to break down further where this might come from. My mind quickly finds this to be pretty dark. Does judgment come with just human womanness? Is a robot with a pleasant face is the ideal?

      Reply ↓
    4. Magda*

      Sadly, I’m going to guess there’s an implicit bias there that smart = masculine, so the closer the picture looked to male the more intelligent the respondents rated them. A face with no hair and no other outward signs of femininity could look more gender neutral.

      Reply ↓
    5. Strive to Excel*

      I want to know where the perception of blonde = ditz came from. I know movies such as Legally Blonde don’t help, but I always thought that played off existing stereotypes rather than making them up.

      Reply ↓
      1. Prudence Snooter*

        It’s definitely older than Legally Blonde, since Legally Blonde is based on the already-old-at-the-time dumb blonde premise.

        Ok I googled it and this is the AI overview:

        “The ‘dumb blonde’ stereotype can be traced back to the 18th century French play Les Curiosités de la Foire, which portrayed blondes as both sexually available and stupid. The stereotype gained popularity during Hollywood’s Golden Age in the 1950s and 1960s, when blonde actresses were often portrayed as sexual objects. Marilyn Monroe’s performances in films like Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) may have also contributed to the stereotype.”

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        1. anotherfan*

          i read the book! written in 1925. iirc, the conclusion from the main character was ‘gentlemen prefer blondes, but they marry brunettes’

          Reply ↓
    6. stressy depressy*

      In my personal experience, people are kinder and more giving when I have unintentional blonde hair, and very intensely aggressive and nasty when I have blue/colored hair, as well as patronizing because they shave 15 years off my age. It’s absolutely disgusting to experience

      Reply ↓
  25. Voodoo Priestess*

    I’ve had short hair for a long time now, so I haven’t noticed anything due to haircut changes. But my natural color is dark brown and I went platinum blonde for 5+ years (I work in engineering, so on the conservative side, but nothing like law or investment banking). When I first bleached it, I had a lot of comments because it was such a big change. I had one director pull me aside to ask why I did it and he made it pretty clear he didn’t approve. I told him it was helpful at conferences, giving presentations, and even client interviews. There weren’t really any other women with platinum pixie cuts, so it was easy for people to find me a conferences or even look me up on LinkedIn. To his credit, he didn’t treat me different from a work-assignment standpoint. And after one conference where he saw how many people approached me, he even commented that it seems I was right.

    I would agree that women with short hair tend to be treated as “more serious” than women with long hair.

    Reply ↓
    1. blueberry muffin*

      I have had the same experiences at conferences.

      I finally realized it when new co-workers pointed out how everybody “knows” me. Everybody doesn’t “know” me, I’m just the only woman with this hairstyle. I am memorable.

      Also, maybe I am too direct? I have asked conference attendees is my hair why the remember me? They get physically uncomfortable and say no. I no longer do this and just try to appreciate that folks remember me.

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    2. Jasmine*

      I am a blonde westerner living in Taiwan. When I attend large conventions my friends can always find me because I stick out among all the dark heads. It is convenient because I get to see longtime friends who I haven’t seen in a while. : ) I can see how this would be an advantage in business.

      Reply ↓
  26. blupuck*

    Timely question!
    I’m starting a job hunt and the tips of my long white hair are currently dark blue. I can hide it in a bun or have my hairdresser remove the color. The vast majority of public reactions to my hair are very positive so I plan on keeping the blue. I wouldn’t apply at a very conservative org anyway.

    Interested to know folk thoughts on bold hair choices and the job search.

    Reply ↓
    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I dye my hair wild colors from the shoulders down and have done for almost fifteen years now, and I started doing it that way because wild colors were against the dress code and no one could see them when I put it up in a bun. Dress code is no longer an issue but now I still do it that way because I don’t have to worry about growing out or touching up roots. :)

      Reply ↓
    2. FashionablyEvil*

      I think bold hair choices are like tattoos in the work place–10-20 years ago they were a Thing but are significantly less so now.

      Reply ↓
    3. InTheWeeds*

      Depends on your industry, the company and the role.
      For interviewing I’d probably recommend tucking it into a bun unless you’re applying to a job where being perceived as “artsy” and “creative” or “edgy” would be considered beneficial (ex. a hip marketing agency).
      Lots or orgs wouldn’t mind it on an employee but could still let it colour (haha) their perception of an interviewee so unless you know it’s an asset it’s better to remove it from the equation during an interview.

      Reply ↓
    4. Walk on the Left Side*

      I have the luxury/privilege of possessing a coveted-enough skillset that I can decide I’m ok with using my unnatural hair colors to weed out potential employers I would not enjoy working for.

      I also have the fun colors professionally done and just touch up at home if it does not fade well.

      Reply ↓
  27. Tea Monk*

    Everyone kept telling me to relax my hair to get employment during the great recession. I didn’t do it and even though I probably would have gotten a job easier ( because discrimination against Black women with natural hair is a thing) Im kinda glad I didn’t since relaxers cause cancer anyway. So maybe the sort of job that’s so picky about hair might be toxic in other ways

    Reply ↓
    1. Paint N Drip*

      I think the correlation of judgment about hair and toxic environment is probably right-on – ESPECIALLY race-aligned markers. What other ways will they police your blackness, or your selfhood? If you aren’t in a position to be picky I suppose its good to know what is most neutral, most hirable, but personally I know I’m not going to succeed in a super-controlled toxic environment so I get all my ‘weird’ out on the table to hopefully avoid that

      Reply ↓
    2. kicking-k*

      I love your username.

      I think the tea monk in the books has fairly short hair by choice, don’t they? It’s a while since I read it. But monk doesn’t equal ascetic in their tradition, so probably it’s not mandatory.

      Reply ↓
  28. D*

    Years ago, I buzzed my head a couple years into one job. I felt a strong need to change some things in my life and that was a really clear way to kick that off. I worked in HR at a manufacturing company. It was fine in that environment but I had a fair number of people think I had cancer. (This was exacerbated by my sudden focus on exercise and dietary improvements, and I had also started slimming down.) I loved the haircut, although you’re really just trading the daily maintenance for more frequent haircuts (if you choose to keep it short). I sometimes think about doing it now, but I work in a different field/position now and it would get a lot more reaction. I’d do it anyway if I really wanted to, but I feel more ambivalent so I haven’t.

    Reply ↓
  29. WeirdChemist*

    I once dyed my hair purple at a job where I was one of two women on a team. My other female coworker noticed immediately. Several of my male coworkers only noticed after someone else made a comment on it. One of my male coworkers didn’t notice for a full month lol

    Reply ↓
    1. Chauncy Gardener*

      We knew a guy who looked a lot like Santa Claus with a big white beard. He shaved his beard and not one guy noticed! Every woman noticed immediately.

      Reply ↓
  30. blueberry muffin*

    Through my career, I’ve had a few hairstyles. Currently, I have the most second most radical hairstyle I’ve ever had.

    In hindsight, Radical Hairstyle #1 was not well-received but I was too unaware to notice until well after the fact.

    Currently, Radical Hairstyle #2, I considered it would not be well-received and have made peace with that. I do get compliments on my overall appearance, but never my hair.

    Reply ↓
  31. Lou*

    So, I am generally pretty obtuse when it comes to how people respond to me, but I’m a woman who got a buzzcut (from shoulder-length hair) and it made no perceivable difference! Some people said it looked good and that was it!

    Reply ↓
  32. DisneyChannelThis*

    When I was in academia we did have one female PhD candidate who buzzed her hair. A lot of the older people were perplexed, I don’t think people treated her differently but she definitely was known for her buzz cut before anything else. Like Susan the talented presenter, Sara with the buzzcut.

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  33. Secret Squirrel*

    I don’t have a directly relevant story, but this seems like a good place to mention the most bizarre work/hair thing I have heard of: many years ago I worked with a woman who said she had recently interviewed at a firm where all employees were required to get their hair cut on site on a regular schedule. (I don’t remember the name of the place, if she even said, but she said it was in Rockford IL and it would have been in 1993 or 1994.)

    Reply ↓
      1. Secret Squirrel*

        I am guessing that men and women got different haircuts, but I am also guessing there were not a lot of women there. I believe it was some exceptionally hidebound place that got away with maintaining policies from the 1950s (or earlier) because there weren’t a lot of jobs in Rockford (back then, at least).

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    2. Nightengale*

      !!!

      I wear my hair long and pinned up in a bun
      As a kid I hated hair cuts (sensory issues)
      No way someone is going to make me get my hair cut on site.

      Reply ↓
        1. Nightengale*

          Oh I would still hate haircuts except I just stopped having my hair cut as soon as my mother let me decide. I may chop a few split ends off the end of my braid once in a while. Adulthood doesn’t mean my sensory problems decreased but it does mean my autonomy increased.

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  34. Madame Desmortes*

    I’d be curious about first impressions versus sudden changes (and I appreciate the commenters who have discussed either one already).

    For my part, as an academic I cut the mid-back-length hair I’d had basically all my life into a short bob in my early 40s. After a brief period of “wow! that’s a different look for you!” which was entirely fair, nobody cared. Nor did anybody mind when I started dyeing the front section a muted purple. (Purple-on-brown with no bleaching is pretty much always going to be a fairly muted effect.)

    I stopped dyeing a decade or so later because I’ve been enjoying what going very gradually gray is doing — on me it looks almost like an expensive highlight job. No commentary from anyone.

    My institution is generally friendly to harmless eccentricities of many sorts. I think everything I’ve ever done with my hair is on the de minimis end of what’s considered okay.

    Reply ↓
  35. The Wizard Rincewind*

    I am Perfectly Average in appearance, and I work in a very alternative, casual workplace. Years ago, I got my hair balayage’d teal. For the first time maybe in my life, I was /memorable/. I went to a few events with my hair like that and was very thrown to have people remember me later! After a few years, I went back to my natural color and I’d have people at events squint at me, so sure they somehow recognized me, and I’d say “teal hair?” And then it clicked, lol.

    I really miss the teal, but I don’t miss the expense, upkeep, and damage.

    Reply ↓
    1. bamcheeks*

      I have blue peekaboo hair, and it is extremely low maintenance. It’s ace. I get the lower part bleached professionally once a year, and then just let the bleach grow out and dye the bleached part deep blue or deep purple myself every 2-4 weeks. My natural colour is pretty dark, and the roots are under the top layer of hair so it works really well. The only ongoing problems are the number of plastic bottles and the state of the grouting in the bathroom.

      Reply ↓
  36. bamcheeks*

    I got a vibrant (ie. unnatural) coloured peekaboo colour in 2021 when I was solely working from home, and I love it so I’ve kept it. I’m in a middle management role in higher education, which is a fairly relaxed business-casual-to-casual environment and nobody has ever had an issue with it. But I did have one colleague who seemed to short-circuit about it: the first time she met me she was explaining her role, and kept going, “So our process is — let’s take an example — I’m going to say hairdressing because — your hair — is BLUE …. anyway, so say, I’m dyeing your hair, I’d need to get the chemicals ready, I’d probably have done some initial planning, and then before I started I’d check again that you definitely want it — BLUE… because — your hair — is BLUE… so, anyway, our process is similar to that, in that we start with…”

    Every time she said BLUE she unfocussed and stared off into the distance and then abruptly jumped and had to pick up her thread again. If anyone has ever read Nicholas Fisk’s Grinny, it was extremely like when Grinny starts malfunctioning because the children won’t look her in the eye.

    Reply ↓
    3. Ellis Bell*

      This is hysterical. I wouldn’t be able to resist introducing topics containing a reference to the colour blue just to see what happens to her inner wiring. I’d probably start with blueberries and end up asking her what colour the sky was today.

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  37. Pixie*

    I’ve changed my hair a lot. Recently I found out I have a form of alopecia and had to cut it really short. If it’s long, you can really see bald spots. If it’s short, I can hide it really well. I get some comments about it, especially if people look me up online and find old pictures with long hair. I’m pretty open about the cause, so people mostly never comment again.
    With short hair I find I pay more attention to accessoires and a bold lip colour works really well, too.
    I cut my hair right before I started job hunting. I had four offers in by the second month, which had nothing to do with the hair, but perhaps everything with the confidence I felt after changing my look.

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  38. schmoop*

    I teach middle school, and my first year at my current school I was bald due to chemo and wore a wig for the first part of the year. After Christmas break I came back with very, very short regrown hair, maybe half an inch long. My sweet students asked me why I cut my hair.

    Reply ↓
    1. CzechMate*

      It’s interesting you say that, because when I see an otherwise femme-presenting person with very short or no hair I often immediately think a) chemo or b) alopecia (again this is buzzed super short or no hair, not pixie, crew, pompadour, or taper cut). I probably shouldn’t make that assumption, but yes, to me bald woman often equals health thing, so it probably does affect how I interact with them.

      Reply ↓
      1. KatCardigans*

        Sure, but these were middle schoolers :) Many of them might not have had the life experience yet to make that connection.

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  39. Dinwar*

    I (male) spent a long time on a jobsite, working insane hours, to the point where I couldn’t get a haircut for a few years due to lack of time. Folks got used to seeing me rather scruffy. It was SoCal, and given my industry I wasn’t the scruffiest person by a long shot, but folks got used to it. Finally I got a haircut–more than 6″ removed. I went into the office and someone I’d worked with for years introduced themselves to me and asked if I needed help finding someone. We both got a good laugh about it.

    I’m growing my hair out again, and I’ve found that hair alone isn’t the issue. The Look is. I’m switching positions to a more senior role, and I’ve found that a ponytail, well-trimmed beard, button-down shirt, nice pants, and descent boots gets me a fair amount of respect. If I walk onto a jobsite people treat me as Management, not a field grunt.

    I think norms are changing with men. Used to be long hair was for hippies and homeless people, or at least that was the attitude. These days it’s more acceptable to have longer hair, as long as it’s well maintained. I’ve met senior engineers, project managers, and program managers with hair longer than any of my sisters ever had. Again, as long as it’s well maintained and part of a general look, folks accept it.

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  40. InksAndTinks*

    I’m a conventionally attractive white, 40-year-old cis woman who’s primarily worked in social justice non-profits for the last 10 years, and I change my hair constantly — my usual cycle is to grow it out as long as I can stand it (mid-back to waist) and then go straight to a pixie, rinse, repeat. I bounce between fashion colors (usually pink or orange), bleach-blonde, highlight-blonde, or dark brown.

    The main difference I’ve noticed is how I’m treated by straight cisgender men vs. literally anyone else. When I have long blonde hair (and particularly when I wear it in blow-outs or lightly curled), my cis guy colleagues are much, MUCH more accommodating of me, willing to do favors, willing to stretch deadlines, give me leeway, listen to my ideas, etc. It’s a little bizarre, actually — they treat me both as more professional/reliable in front of others, AND are more likely to be flirtatious/dismissive when they think they aren’t being watched by other colleagues (especially other men). One exception to this: years ago I started a job with long blonde hair and had a hell of a time with a really jerky male boss a couple of years older than me who was constantly questioning my expertise and undermining me; when I chopped the mane off to a bob and dyed it pink, his behavior stopped almost immediately and he started treating me the same as my male colleagues.

    These days I work almost exclusively with other women, non-binary folks, and queer people and as far as I can tell, the only difference my hair makes is that it can be a fun conversation-starter.

    Reply ↓
    1. Reba*

      UGH UGH UGH.

      Your hair cycle sounds amazing! Can I ask, do you get trims and shaping while growing it out? I have grown hair out from above-shoulder to long a couple times… and the growing-out in between stages are so irritating to me (bangs!!!) I don’t think I’ll do it again.

      Reply ↓
      1. InksAndTinks*

        I do try to keep up with trims and shaping during the grow-out period, but I don’t usually go for dramatic or unusual long cuts that need a lot of management (like, idk, a hipster mullet). Mostly I have to keep my layers fresh or else my curls/waves won’t cooperate, and because I do a LOT of color/chemical processing, I get hell of split ends.

        Part of what makes the dramatic hair-cycling possible for me is that my hair just grows really, really, REALLY fast – I think average hair growth is about half an inch a month, and I’ve actually measured mine with my hairdresser when I get my roots done and I’m closer to 3/4 inch per month (more if i take prenatal vitamins!).

        Reply ↓
      2. Frieda*

        I’m so tempted right now to get a pixie and the growing-out phase has been so long and unpleasant in the past that I just can’t get myself to do it. So yes, tips please!

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  41. LawDog*

    For our office, I would not hire anyone with “extreme” fashion. We’re a small law firm that serves fairly well-to-do clients with a certain expectation of appearance and professionalism. In a business like ours, appearance of staff is part of the “brand” that we sell. So…a woman with a buzz cut, anyone with extreme / artificial hair colors, poor fashion choice, etc. wouldn’t make the cut in the hiring process.

    Reply ↓
    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Do you reject them outright for their appearance based on how they appear at the interview or do you let them know about your dress code and how you present yourselves to clients in case they’re happy to make those changes for a job?

      Reply ↓
      1. LawDog*

        We do not provide feedback on being rejected from the hiring process. Honestly, it’s not a world in which we can hope they “change” after being hired – and the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. That may be harsh, but it’s an issue of “dress / look like the job you want.”

        Reply ↓
        1. Dinwar*

          Reminds me of college. Mom and Dad always lectured me about dressing for the job I wanted. Jeans and t-shirts (summer) or flannel (fall/winter) weren’t “dressy” enough for a REAL job, and my beard was unprofessional.

          Then they walked in the geology department during a campus visit, when I was looking at colleges. They realized that I was, in fact, dressed for the job I wanted. The dean met us in jeans and a flannel shirt, and every man had facial hair of some sort. Jeans are rugged and don’t get ripped up if you fall down a mountain; t-shirts are cheap and more replaceable than button-down shirts; hiking boots are necessary for ankle support and to prevent your feet being shredded by sharp rocks. Never got that lecture again.

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          1. Generic Name*

            This is very funny. My older teenage son will be going to school to be an architect, and I took him to my office one day. I had a couple of meetings, so I set him up at an empty cubicle. He had his school chromebook with him, and was working on homework. A couple of my coworkers mistook him for a newly hired engineer, and were very nice to him and offered to answer any questions on CAD, etc. before they realized he wasn’t a new hire. My son thought it was preposterous they thought he was old enough to work there, but I pointed out that he was dressed almost exactly like half the guys in the office (khakis and flannel shirt).

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          2. Ellis Bell*

            I remember having this discussion in a lecture hall of graduating (post grad degree) teachers. One guy wanted to know if he should shave his beard for interviews, and there’d been a lot of discussion amongst the women about makeup or no makeup for interviews. The lecturer completely nailed it in her response. She said that if you were going to be uncomfortable living up a certain dress code standard, don’t try to get into a place which has that culture. Her advice was right for the industry; I’ve worked in schools where you were expected to meet a narrow criteria, but plenty have relaxed dress codes too.

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    2. AndersonDarling*

      I used to do a wild hair color once a year, and I would have borderline edgy colors the rest of the time (Sharon Osbourne red).
      I always asked about hair color when I reached the last interview. I didn’t want to butt heads with HR or a business owner just because of my hair. But I usually got the response I wanted to hear, “We don’t care about people’s hair.”
      It was partially a culture question, as well as a personal question.
      Anyplace that had conservative appearance requirements told me during the screening process so I knew not to move forward at all. I’m peering at you, Edward Jones and your panty hose requirements!

      Reply ↓
    3. What_the_What*

      I would argue that these days what WAS extreme fashion in the past is actually pretty mainstream now. But, honestly what a judgmental and shortsighted policy to have! How do you KNOW your clients expect a certain appearance? Maybe the LIKE young, quirky edgy people but they’ve never seen one in your office! And how canr buzzed hair read “unprofessional” w/o actual performance data to back it up-in which case it’s a performance issue, and not a hair issue. I won’t even get into the blind rage that “poor fashion choice” sent me into. Do your job postings read “Only Jane Hathaway appearing women wearing Brooks Brothers will be considered”? Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

      Reply ↓
      1. Conservative Worker*

        This could just be an example of norms changing. Change doesn’t come in one fell swoop, sometimes there are growing pains.

        People who work in conservative fields are used to this reaction.

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    4. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      No butch lesbians need apply? How long or feminine must a haircut be to not get an immediate rejection? Can I wear oxfords with my suit, or are girly shoes a requirement as well?

      Reply ↓
    5. LizB*

      I know different industries are different, and I trust that you know your clientele, but I really hope that your standards of professional appearance are inclusive of POC with natural hair or culturally appropriate styles. For a long time, Black women especially have been considered unprofessional unless they relax or straighten their hair, which causes huge damage to their hair and potentially to their overall health. Native men might keep their hair long for cultural reasons, which has also been interpreted as unprofessional. If your clients expect a polished appearance, fine… if they expect specifically a white-coded appearance, that’s an issue.

      Reply ↓
      1. Not on board*

        Agree. Also, women with very short hair could be due to medical issues which could be violating some discrimination laws.

        Reply ↓
    6. Cacofonix*

      At a close friend’s traditionally conservative boutique law firm, the partners decided that they were going to get the best people, and not judge on looks except that they needed to present in a professional way. They were getting a prestigious reputation and wanted to excel even more. They significantly increased the calibre of lawyers when they hired the best associates from top schools. This because firms like yours wouldn’t hire them. Bold hair, tats, piercing, etc. were welcome, along with diversity in other ways, such as lgbtq++, weight, etc. you simply had to be clean, presentable, and well spoken in addition to the other skill requirements.

      It was a huge success for them. They’ve become more successful in the past decade even more than hoped because they simply chose capable people. Conventionally presenting people were also attracted to the firm because they knew that the firm valued quality and results. No issues with clients either. Hiring based on looks is a such a bias that needs to go away.

      Reply ↓
    7. Not on board*

      This could get you into a little trouble – women with buzz cuts. You don’t know why their hair is short – could be alopecia, cancer, etc. which would mean you are discriminating based on a medical condition.
      I could be wrong about that, after all, you’re the lawyer, but it does seem a little dicey.
      The rest of it, I get it, you’re dealing with rich, judgy, assholes who want to deal with corporate robots. So a very conservative look is required.

      Reply ↓
  42. pen point*

    I (she/her) shaved my head about the same time my previous employer set out an organization-wide email asking us to select our preferred pronouns so the org could add them to our email signatures. My coworker asked me if my new haircut indicated I would no longer identify as she/her.
    Rather than mention this to hr or my manager, I went to lunch and never returned.

    Reply ↓
    1. What_the_What*

      Kinda feels like an overreaction to what was probably an innocent (if completely cloddish, stupid and inappropriate) question from a colleague since the “preferred pronouns” were apparently a topic of discussion throughout the firm at that time.

      Reply ↓
      1. LizB*

        There absolutely has to be more context to this. If this happened to me in my workplace exactly as described, I wouldn’t even consider it an HR or manager issue, because my coworkers are respectful of gender presentation and would have been asking out of genuine interest. Either there’s a lot of history here left unsaid, or pen point’s coworker phrased the question as “eww, your hair is so short, you’re not one of those icky they/them weirdos, are you???”, or both.

        Reply ↓
        1. Cyndi*

          Even if the coworker was a massive jerk, I can’t imagine spontaneously chucking my whole livelihood out the window over that one interaction on its own.

          Reply ↓
          1. Brandon*

            Eh… not every job is a “whole livelihood.” It sounds like this was not a “whole livelihood” kind of job. People have posted stories about themselves and others leaving for lunch and not coming back.

            Reply ↓
      1. GreySuit (they/them)*

        Transphobes are cruel to anyone they perceive as outside the gender norms they envision in their head. I can see that kind of assholery being a last straw.

        Reply ↓
      2. Catherine*

        As a fellow they/them, this is such a wild take? I’m frequently mistaken for binary trans and it sucks because the other person is calling me names and swearing at me. Being trans is great. The way people treat you about it is frequently awful.

        Reply ↓
  43. Elizabeth West*

    I went from long dark auburn to long Barbie blonde hair at TechJob — it didn’t really make a difference. although I did get some double takes when I showed up to work. I had some concerns about using hair chalk to make colored streaks, but then I discovered there was another employee whose hair was literally black and white. After that I just did my thing.

    I wouldn’t wear the colors at this job, however. The office is more formal. I cut my hair to shoulder length last year to get rid of breakage, and I recently went a little darker — I’d like to grow it out longer again. Not really worried what anyone would think of the length.

    My biggest work-hair problem right now is humidity frizz. NOTHING I do works and I feel like I always look messy.

    Reply ↓
  44. Amber Rose*

    I’ve had purple hair a couple times and nobody said anything. I hope long hair isn’t causing people to think less of me, because I much prefer how I look this way. Since my hair is so thin it makes me look like I have less than I do when its short, and tends to frizz up more.

    Reply ↓
  45. CowWhisperer*

    When I worked at a big box hardware store, I definitely recommended that women who wanted to be taken seriously by customers should wear minimalist makeup and as simple a hairstyle as they could tolerate. The two preferred hair styles were short, low maintenance cuts or longer hair in protective styles (essentially any kind of hair lock type tied into a ponytail, braid or bun).

    There were slightly different rules for guys like “don’t use visible hair products”, “wear work boots” and “have worn tools clipped to your belt.

    I think it was an unconscious reaction to trusting people who looked ready and able to pitch in with a project. I am personally quite skilled and bright – which is true when I have a professional haircut and makeup as well as when I have a ponytail and sweaty face – but the second seemed more believable in that setting.

    Reply ↓
    1. Squidhead*

      It’s definitely a thing. I (white female) live near a big box store and a few times mid-home-renovation project I’ve dusted myself off a bit and driven to the store to pick up some essential item…while wearing dirty ripped jeans, hair covered in a dusty bandana, ratty shoes (or sturdy boots), probably safety glasses still on my head or hearing protection around my neck. These are the days I get people asking me if I work there!

      Reply ↓
  46. Yasssss*

    Yes! I used to finally blonde just because I liked it. When I went back to my natural color, still blonde but darker, people started taking me more seriously. I got two promotions with my natural hair color. Now I don’t care about moving up so I went back to really blonde. Similarly, the first time I got Botox, my boss at the time (a man) went from being really awful to me to suddenly being really nice. I left that job shortly after.

    Reply ↓
  47. AG*

    I once had a boss (male, early 40’s) who would flatiron his hair into spikes on top, then use his body weight in product to make sure it stayed frozen in spikes all day. He was a terrible bokkss in every way, and asolutely no one took him seriously. His hair was far from the main issue, but it was low-hanging fruit and became a frequent subject of ridicule behind closed doors.

    Reply ↓
  48. cmdrspacebabe*

    I’ve shaved my head a couple of times and always got positive comments about it at work. The first time, I was still identifying/presenting as a woman, and I got a lot of compliments and even expressions of envy from female coworkers. I also work in a digital-adjacent field, and the ‘edgy’ look seems to support my credibility, funnily enough – I’ve gotten “you look like you know what you’re doing!” a few times on computer stuff. I’ve also interviewed with mostly-shaved/brightly dyed hair and never run into issues with it. Mileage likely varies by demographic and location – I’ve heard different experiences from folks who are not white/thin, or who are more visibly gender non-conforming.

    Reply ↓
    1. cmdrspacebabe*

      Oh – also the ‘memorability’ aspect mentioned by a lot of people already! I really stand out in a boardroom, and people are definitely more likely to notice me/remember my name. I suspect that, when backed up with credentials and a proportionally confident demeanor, the flashy hair helps me stick in people’s brains as a Person With Competence.

      Reply ↓
  49. HugeTractsofLand*

    Not my story, but I had a coworker with beautiful long hair who thought it caused issues with her female boss. She switched to exclusively wearing it up, because when she wore it down her boss was noticeably colder. My coworker thought it was because her boss felt insecure about her own looks and didn’t like- even subconsciously- the competition in our male-dominated office.

    I can’t speak to the accuracy of all that, but my coworker definitely looked like a femme fatale with her hair down and professional as hell when she had it all up and slicked back.

    Reply ↓
    2. Squidhead*

      Your friend may be entirely right, but I wonder about a different possibility: long, unbound hair is kind of distracting (unconsciously running fingers through it, picking stray pieces off your coat, sweeping it up off your neck or into a quick bun and then letting it down again, etc) whereas hair that is up is less likely to be fidgeted with. Maybe her boss found the hair distracting and irksome when down?

      Source: I have long hair that I frequently play with and readjust when it’s down. I always wear it up for work.

      Reply ↓
      1. kicking-k*

        I wonder about that too. My hair certainly draws a lot of notice when it is down (I mentioned it upthread already) and doesn’t when it’s off my face. Also, I am a fidgeter (ADHD) who is easily distracted by other people fidgeting. I decided that for my coworkers’ sake it was probably better not to wear necklaces to work, and the same goes for tying my hair back or up so I can’t twiddle it round my fingers. I keep a discreet, quiet fidget toy in my lap instead.

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  50. AndersonDarling*

    I worked at a start up where there was a lot of drama. Not toxic level, but poorly run and impulsive decision making.
    My ideas were being dismissed, so I wondered if my pixie cut was making me look immature. Nothing else was getting through to my team, so I started growing out my hair. Ha! As if hair would magically change the attitude of my colleagues!
    It did not, and I got a new job. The day I accepted my new position, I cut my hair back off. It was like I was cutting off the nastiness of that job and going back to being my true self.

    Reply ↓
  51. Throwaway Account*

    I transitioned from one sector of my field to another – it is a difficult transition. After I got the job, my boss mentioned my “kick-ass haircut” in a positive way. It made me realize that the haircut and the attitude that goes with it (the haircut reflects my attitude) was part of what helped me transition.

    Reply ↓
      1. Throwaway Account*

        Oh, sorry, meant to do that. It is shaved (a 3 or 2) on the sides and long on top. I sort of grab the top and twist it and use a small claw clip to pin it up at the crown. I still (in my 60s) have pretty thick hair so it sort of lands asymmetrically and gives a faux hawk look. It is like Pink’s hair but long on top. I’m afraid to cut it that short on top because I won’t style it!

        My hairdresser styles it down on one side like a bob (it is about chin length) but I always pin it up.

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  52. Claire Voyne*

    It’s frustrating how much hair can impact perceptions at work. I once had a manager tell me that cutting and straightening my naturally curly hair into a sleek bob looked more professional and that I shouldn’t go back. Maintaining it was incredibly time-consuming and expensive, and I grew resentful of the effort and cost just to have the “right” hair.

    If buzzing your hair feels right for you, go for it—confidence often outweighs bias. Consider the industry and company culture while job hunting, and be ready to redirect any comments back to your qualifications. Bold choices can showcase individuality, and the right workplace will value your skills, not your hair. Best of luck with the buzz cut and the job search!

    Reply ↓
    1. Magda*

      Yes. I’ve heard my curly/frizzy hair can look “unprofessional.” Someone explained that having hair that looks “uncontrolled” (flyaways, frizz) suggests you are not in control in other aspects of your life, which is why curls that are carefully styled/gelled may escape mention but sleek straight hair is more professional, especially in a “power cut” that shows deliberateness. I dislike this notion and I also suspect it’s got classist/racist origins underneath in terms of who reads “professional” and which groups don’t.

      Reply ↓
  53. Ilima*

    I’m a freelancer and I buzzed my head a couple of years ago. Absolutely loved it and got so many compliments. It was really empowering! That said, I did get a few comments from clients (who I see occasionally on zoom) concerned that I was ill. One friend was concerned it was a sign of some kind of mental health crisis. I think it partly depends on what part of the country you’re in. Like others have mentioned, I found that I dressed up more and was more thoughtful about makeup and jewelry. You get more attention so you kind of dress accordingly. I found that I felt more pulled together and confident overall. One tip is that even if you’re buzzing your hair at home, go into a barber every few weeks to clean up your edges. It can make a subtle difference and make you look more intentional and polished. Enjoy!

    Reply ↓
  54. toolegittoresign*

    I have aqua color hair and I will say that I think a buzzed look on a woman doesn’t always carry the same assumptions as funky colored hair does. When I started dyeing my hair bright colors, coworkers and clients just sort of rolled with it because my role at work is somewhat creative. It definitely signals to people that I am “the artistic type.”

    I have buzzed my hair before and people pointedly never said anything about it. I think it signals that you’re confident and serious but not conservative — and people would only comment if I talked about how I’d buzzed it voluntarily because people are sensitive that it could be due to illness so talking about it made them more comfortable to say “It looks so good on you, I wish I could pull that off!”

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  55. Forest Hag*

    I’ve had many different hairstyles and colors. I’m female presenting, and I don’t really know if it changed how I was treated or viewed, except for the time I buzzed my hair. I was working at a university (in the IT dept), and people mistook me for a student at a higher frequency than normal. I tried to dress a little more “professional” – more dresses, more blazers – so people wouldn’t assume I was the department student worker when I showed up at meetings (and was subsequently asked to do student-worker type tasks).

    My boss at the time was like, “Whoa! That’s different!” and then never commented on it again, and never treated me differently – but he was a pretty great boss so I’m not surprised. There was one director who really hated it and made faces and snide comments, but he was a jerk anyway. I made a comment around him one day about wanting to get a nose piercing, and he went on a rant about how it would hurt my reputation and how trashy he thought that looked. This was at a large, public university with a very diverse student and staff population in a big, diverse city, and there were many high-level leaders (including some above him) that had nose piercings, tattoos, and brightly colored hair – so it wouldn’t have stuck out. None of my other hair changes seemed to bother anyone, including the bright colors (I got lots of compliments on those).

    I started a new job last year and I am wanting to go back to drastic hair changes but I’m still testing the waters. I’m at a consulting firm now, so my client base extends beyond my own organization – so I’m not sure the bright colors are going to work. I’m going to start with a blonde bob (I have long, dark brown hair) and go from there.

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  56. Quinalla*

    Yes for sure, having some white/silver hair folks no longer treat me like I don’t know anything, they assume I have experience, though I’m a woman so that is still a strike against me there. I think when my hair is shorter, folks perceive me as more no-nonsense. It’s interesting!

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  57. Kelly L.*

    My hair is usually long and naturally pretty thick (I have compared myself to Cousin Itt), and my face is nothing to write home about. I used to work in food service, and I’d put it back in a braid and wear the required ball cap. One day, I was going out dancing right after work and changed in the customer bathroom at work, including taking down my hair, and when I came back out, one of my co-workers who I’d known for years tried to take my order. Apparently I’m completely unrecognizable lol.

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  58. Finn*

    Irl me is (seen as) a woman, having short hair didn’t cause me any issues that I’d notice. Coworkers did comment on me having short hair after I cut it, but that was expected as it was quite long before. I did notice a difference that the kids I’m working with read me as more of an adult, but I think that might also be due to me feeling somewhat more confident…
    I should note that I’m still a student, working as a sports coach and as a teacher for kids who need to catch up, so it might be different in non-student jobs.

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  59. numbers lady*

    I’ve had super short hair for years, and looked extremely young when I had long hair, but it was always my natural brown color until covid. I enjoyed different colors the first year or so during that period, but my favorite was bleached out to white. However, I can’t keep doing that because at 60, knowing I need to keep working for at least another 10 years, I can’t risk being perceived as older if I need to job hunt again. I didn’t have any trouble getting a new job at 57, but I had my natural brown color. That may not have played into it, but I can’t be sure it didn’t.

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  60. metronomic*

    Hair can definitley affect how you’re perceived – I’ve now had a short pixie cut for over 20 years, but at the age of 29, just before I cut it short, my hair was shoulder length. I wore it both down and up when I went to work (maybe up in a loose bun? Hard to remember now but it wasn’t just a ponytail).

    A colleague who was a middle-aged woman at the Director level commented one day that it was her observation that I wore my hair up on days when I was more serious (or something like that), and her observation was on the money, I tended to wear it up on days with big meetings/events, like at the biweekly meeting I was part of that some key board members attended, for example. I wasn’t doing it intentionally, but clearly I perceived a shift in how others perceived me when my hair was up vs. down/wanted to look neater during more serious work activities.

    I got my hair cut to shoulder length as a first step going to a pixie cut, and then for my 30th I went for a full pixie cut, it was the shortest I’d ever had it (previously when my hair was short it was in a bob and mostly covered my ears). I remember standing in front of the mirror when I got home and having a moment of regret, my first impression when I saw myself was that I looked older, and I was probably sensitive about turning 30 (oh to be that young again!). I quickly got over that and I’ve had pixie cuts ever since.

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  61. teensyslews*

    I did “fun” (unnatural) hair colours for many years, and the biggest difference is that people feel much, much free-er to comment on it in a strange or negative way than they did when I was dying my hair red, blonde, brown etc. Nothing outright rude, but a lot of “well I would love to do that but I could just never” or pointed comments about the colour. Got very used to replying with very bland statements. I also had a lot of technical expertise and social capital built up so it never seemed to affect my work, just that some people experience a temporary disconnect from social norms when faced with pink hair.

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  62. Happy Camper*

    As someone who is on the younger side and regularly changes my hair: it absolutely affects how people treat me. When my hair isn’t “normal” people treat me like I’m not as professional. Despite being fully accredited and well established in my career.

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  63. Clearance Issues*

    I’ve noticed an unconscious bias that occurs with hair length and amount of styling.

    I’m white and lean towards shorter hair. Coming in neat but not highly styled gets the best reaction in my engineering/construction oriented field. Longer hair in anything nicer than a ponytail gets more condescending comments and questions about my ability, it’s like they think I’ve used all my brainpower to do my hair and left none for my job. This is from everyone, male and female alike.
    Depending on relationship you have with the person you can gently point out the bias and hopefully they re-evaluate, but otherwise it’s just exhausting and “Is it worth it to complain?”
    I have not experimented with non-natural hair colors to see how people react.

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  64. DNDL*

    I recently got a dramatic undercut (shaved sides definitely visible when my hair is up or tucked behind my ears), and I dyed the rest of it hot pint. I am a public librarian in a left-leaning area. My hair has not held me back, and I got a promotion to management around the time I made the change. If anything, it makes kids more likely to approach me at the service desk. However, my profession is known for being pretty accepting of alternative styles.

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    1. FuzzFrogs*

      That’s been my experience as well. Whenever I have fantasy hair colors, little girls look at me like I’m a rock star.

      Reply ↓
  65. Respectfully, Pumat Sol*

    I have both sides of my head shaved and the middle is long (like a wide Mohawk.) The long part has been purple, blue, a combination of that, blonde and my natural light brown. I was hired into my role with this haircut and color combo and I feel like my hair, in combination with my piercings give me an air (to my coworkers) of somebody that is a bit outside the box, and it lets me get away with having a “different” perspective than others. I have been able to largely leverage this to my advantage, I think, because my company is remote and I only see people on camera or in person very rarely, so most of the time they hear my very competent voice and then get surprised with what I actually look like.
    That said, if I needed to be in a situation where I wanted to “stealth” and present “normal”, the middle, long part of my hair is thick enough that I could part my hair directly down the middle and it will look like a normal long hair cut, mostly hiding the shaved parts. Won’t help with the color, but the cut at least can be more basic.

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  66. Abogado Avocado*

    I’m going grey — well, technically white — in front and I honestly cannot wait until I’m all gray because I want to tip my hair with blue or pink or purple. I usually have a lock inside my shoulder length hair that I have dyed one of those colors. It shows when I tuck my hair behind my ears.

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    1. Ama*

      This is my plan, too! Unfortunately I’m starting to think that I’m taking more after my red-haired father (even though my hair just has reddish highlights) and it’s going to fade more than go fully grey/white.

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    2. Dancing Otter*

      There’s an octogenarian in my craft group who colors her hair three different colors in sections.
      Good for her, I say! I particularly liked the time she wore two different colored Crocs to match the sides of her hair.

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  67. Susie Occasionally Fun*

    This was in the 90s. I was working for a private company whose owners were conservative “Christians”. I moved to their city for the job. Things were ok when I started. At the time I had long hair (I’m female). It was summer in NC and hot, so I got a pixie cut. The atmosphere in the office chilled far beyond the effect of the AC. Within two weeks I was fired. One of my former coworkers said they figured the short hair meant I was a lesbian, and they didn’t want me working for them because of it.

    In the 90s there weren’t really many HR protections for LGBTQ+ people in NC. I’ve since had hair of many lengths and many colors (not all of them found in nature) and haven’t had any problems. I also haven’t worked for a company owned by conservative “Christians” since. There may or may not be a connection.

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    1. Generic Name*

      This is so dumb. Especially since at that time my mom and all her friends got that haircut that is basically a pixie with the top longer and curled. I don’t think anyone accused her of being lesbian; it’s just what white ladies did when they turned 40 I guess.

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    2. Manders*

      When I was in college I cut all my hair off into a pixie on a whim – I had no idea I was going to do that when I walked into my appointment! – and I loved it. And I cannot tell you how many people asked me “oh, are you a lesbian now or something?”.

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    3. Chief Petty Officer Tabby*

      I get asked this so much, because I buzz my hair off on a regular basis. I happen to be bisexual, but I cut my hair off because I absolutely DETEST dealing with it. I do not want to comb, brush, style, or so much as look at it, so nope. Partially, it’s the 20 years of hot combs, tight braids, and fights with my mom over hair (she’d insist on the most childish styles you can put on a teenager, then get mad when I’d take them out at school so I wouldn’t get bullied all day. And she REFUSED to let me just buzz it a la Sinead O’Connor, or get a fade, or ANYTHING. I kept cutting bits of it to get it as short as I could anyway! lol), and partially a little fear of being bullied if I did cut it off. Finally did in my early 30’s and found most people don’t fuss me, except for assuming my lack of hair is an ad for who I’m attracted to.

      Nah, I just don’t like styling my hair. Hilariously, I do buy wigs with fun colors sometimes. Because I can.

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  68. Ama*

    This is a bit different but a few years back I wanted a change and started wearing my hair (which has mostly been mid-back in length) in a bob above my shoulders. This was right about the time I also changed glasses frames from very thin wire frames to chunkier plastic ones with more of a color to them.

    What I hadn’t anticipated was that to external colleagues that didn’t see us in person much, I thus became easily confused with a coworker who also had a bob above her shoulders and chunky glasses. (None of our actual coworkers were ever confused because we really didn’t look or sound similar at all — it’s just our easily memorable characteristics were the same.) We didn’t realize it until we both started getting emails from external colleagues confusing the (very different) projects we were working on with them, or I’d be talking to someone on a conference call and they’d mention meeting me at a place my coworker had been but I hadn’t.

    It was more amusing than anything, but it did make me realize how many people remember faces by picking hairstyle and/or one really memorable characteristic.

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  69. pally*

    My friend had long dark hair with a pronounced blue streak. Looked fabulous.

    When she started her own consulting company, the selling of one’s skills became a reason to present a more ‘mainstream’ appearance. Her hair was cut to shoulder length, and the blue streak was gone.

    That bothered me as the mastery of the skills wasn’t any different. But she was able to line up more work by doing this.

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  70. Venus*

    A friend of mine transitioned from female to male, and the shorter hair and masculine clothing has completely changed how they are perceived. They went from enjoying a little artwork hobby to being a serious expert (in other words strangers assumed that women who did this hobby clearly did it for fun and weren’t skilled or worth paying much for their work even when it was in an art gallery, whereas trying to sell the same work a few months later they were perceived as a professional expert). They have similar experiences at work. I cut my hair short a few years ago and have let it grow out again, but now I’m tempted to go short again as I’m potentially doing some different work at my job and it would be good to appear more competent.

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  71. Cynders*

    I’m 68and retired now but I once a few years ago on a lark I had a peacock blue accent dyed into my absolutely silver white hair.

    Our company (about 12,000 people across maybe five sites) was being acquired by a huge multi national corporation. A big meeting was being held at the cafeteria in my plant which was simulcast to all our locations and attended virtually by our new corporate overlords.
    Our Head of Site was making his VERY IMPORTANT presentation to a lot of skeptical attendees and his new bosses. He caught sight of my new wacky hair and was dumbfounded. I mean, stopped in his tracks for a loooong beat. We in the cafeteria could see he was reacting to my unexpected look, but I bet the people watching from Europe were wondering what was up.

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  72. CzechMate*

    I used to be an admin at a cosmetology school. My professional style has always been fairly polished and professional, but fairly understated (I don’t color my hair at all, for example, and I don’t typically wear a full face of makeup). I definitely received comments that I didn’t have the right “look” for the workplace, and some people hinted that it may be a hindrance in my role.

    I now work at a university and am sometimes mistaken for a student on days when I dress more casually and wear my hair in, say, a ponytail. I’ve made more of a point to always wear business casual and have my hair styled in a professional manner so that the students (and staff, and faculty, and parents…) recognize that, yes, I am The Adult In The Room.

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  73. Ruby Tuesday*

    So my hair is naturally dark brown and curly. I don’t deviate much from the natural color because it’s a pain in the butt, but I do occasionally throw some Manic Panic on it and that’s how I have fun with it. I also usually straighten it, so when I let it do its thing, people are always surprised (it’s pretty damn fluffy and curly lol). There are a couple of coworkers who always notice and will comment on it. It’s always a complement, though. So while it’s nothing really drastic, I’ve never had a problem and believe most people won’t give it much thought at all. I think you should just do whatever you want to do! It’s only hair. People who are still judgy about hair are probably not people you want to work for/with.

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  74. Lizzay*

    Not at all relevant, but shortly after college I cut my hair from around waist-length to above the shoulder (so pretty significant!). Getting coffee that morning, all the ladies oohed and aahed, and when a guy walked in, I kind of gave him a dumb grin expecting … something. He just looked at me like “… what” and I said “I cut like 12 inches of hair off” and he went “… oh. Yeah. I guess it does look shorter.” Maybe my point is some people won’t notice.

    But not knowing what industry you’re in, I would maybe hold off on a full buzz-cut until after a job is secured. At that point, shave away!

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  75. FuzzFrogs*

    My hair took me out of the running for a job I didn’t even apply for, weirdly enough!

    This was a few years ago. I’m female in the American South, and I usually get a short shave on the back/sides of my head with some length on top. One time when I was in the stylist’s chair, the only other customer in the room started loudly talking to her stylist about how women with short hair are *selfish*! Something about how women are supposed have long hair to look pleasing to other people, so women with short hair are only thinking of themselves. She owned a store, and she would never hire a woman with short hair, because clearly they were too selfish for customer service, plus the customers “want to see someone who is traditionally attractive.”

    It’s easily the craziest reaction I’ve ever gotten to my hair, and I work in a public library, so I talk to all kinds of people. Not that I technically talked to this woman–she never actually addressed me, and it was so weird that I wasn’t even upset. It was really funny to me, though, that she thought I wasn’t worthy of working in her store–I already had a job, where my hair has never and will never be an issue!

    (The happy ending to this story: I never went back to that salon, and when I dye my hair fun colors, I always get positive comments from girls and women of all ages. Most women actually *LIKE* and support each other’s choices, thankfully.)

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    1. spiffikins*

      I’m not someone who will comment on people’s appearance, generally, but I make a *point* of telling people – men and women – with wild hair colors or styles – who work in public-facing jobs – how fabulous their hair is.

      If only to counteract any possible negative responses they get.

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    2. Falling Diphthong*

      This is truly wild (so much so that I absolutely believe this woman believed it, because humans are a diverse tapestry etc). I type this as someone who last had short hair 44 years ago and concluded “terrible idea; won’t be doing that again.” But I would be perfectly capable of delivering a sub-par customer service experience!

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    3. RLC*

      That weird other customer should meet up with the random woman commenter I encountered whilst walking down the street in my small western US town. Apropos of nothing, she stopped and lectured me about “most women have short hair and only selfish women who spend all their time and effort on their appearance have long hair like you do”. Readers, I worked in construction/natural resources: hair in a ponytail, hoodie, jeans, work boots. Not exactly my idea of an appearance focussed look.
      These women could have had a debate about “what selfish women look like”

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      1. kicking-k*

        The question I always get after someone notices how long my hair is: does it take a long time to dry? (And sometimes more broadly: is it hard work to look after?)

        They’re obviously expecting me to say yes, but no, it isn’t. It’s very straight and easy to care for. I’ve never wondered whether they are pondering if it’s a time-consuming distraction from more serious business, but maybe now I will…

        My sister and daughter have much thicker hair that isn’t quick to dry at all. They both bob it.

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  76. spiffikins*

    Tangentially related – I worked in an office with all men except for myself and one other woman.

    Any time I would get a haircut or colour my hair, nobody would say anything, except for the other woman – and ONE guy. One of my coworkers, a guy from Turkey, would ALWAYS say “you changed your hair!”

    But the other guys? Never noticed.

    Except for – years earlier – one guy I worked with, after I cut my hair from shoulder length, to super short – came up to me to inform me that “he liked it better longer”. Dude. Ew.

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  77. GreySuit*

    I went from very long hair worn in a ponytail to shoulder length with a side shave and mostly got compliments, when people commented. I’ve considered doing a full undercut but do like having somewhat long hair. As long as I keep it neat, it’s acceptable in my current environment (tech for a large bank).

    I also did experiment with a full-head pink dye at one point and the only comment I got was from another woman who commented that she wished she could pull it off; I told her to go for it :)

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  78. That Paralegal*

    I would recommend getting the buzzcut while you’re still young. Once you reach a Certain Age, people will assume the buzzcut is a chemo cut.

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    1. Angstrom*

      Not necessarily. Around here, there are a *lot* of athletic older women, so I assume a silver or white buzz cut is from a desire for no-fuss showering or not wanting helmet hair.

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  79. Falling Diphthong*

    I’m going to share an anecdote that might be relevant. (I’m a person who is terrible with faces and names.)

    Helping teach reading in my daughter’s class, I quickly learned the names of all the girls, but the boys were largely an undifferentiated mass. I decided this was because the girls had more varied haircuts–I knew the redheaded boy was Ian but the others blurred. I believed this theory until 5 years later when I helped in my son’s class, where the boys were distinct and the girls blurred. So apparently it had nothing whatsoever to do with their haircuts, and was some sort of brain sorting algorithm based on similarity to my child, likelihood of playdate, etc.

    I share this because as humans we look for causes behind things we observe, and sometimes those theories are completely wrong. Like if you enter a classroom that just had a high-stakes test, you’ll start to feel anxious–but guess the reason is “Maybe I forgot to put money in the meter?” rather than “Stress pheromones lingering in the air, and I’m borrowing other people’s stress, which would be useful if they all ran out of the classroom because of a sabretooth under the lectern.”

    Hair is a big part of our image of ourselves and others. (See the legend of Michelle, who would completely change her appearance over lunch: I am one of those who would probably have no idea who this new person is; also the confusing office of only women with long brunette hair.) We feel strongly about changes in our own hair that others don’t notice; we feel strongly about the attractiveness of different haircuts more than perhaps any other readily modified aspect of our friends’ or partners’ appearance. We might tell ourselves hair has no bearing on our mental image of someone’s competence, that’s all based on our logic, and yet LW experienced that shift in how people treated her. In other contexts, someone assumed it must be the hair (me in my kids’ first grade classrooms) because that seemed like a big obvious thing, and then it wasn’t.

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    1. Catgirl*

      I’m the same, I recognize people by their hair more than their face. I had a colleague who changed hairstyles frequently and every time I would fail to recognize her.

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      1. Falling Diphthong*

        It’s basically the equivalent of how any houses I use for navigation need to never change their paint color, because I am not figuring out this whole new indicator on a navigational fact I already learned. (In theory, at least. In practice, people change hairstyles and home owners change the paint or landscaping I was using.)

        Mustard yellow house by field –> take the next left to get to PT.
        Curly light-brown hair just below the shoulders –> this is Grace.

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    2. kicking-k*

      That’s interesting. I went to a school with mandatory uniform and definitely thought I could recognise girls more easily than boys for the same reason (except the boys in my own class: I knew them). All the boys had the same short haircut, roughly. But it was probably also because at that time, the 80s, boys and girls tended to play and socialise separately, so the boys were just less familiar and interesting to me anyway.

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  80. Catgirl*

    At a previous job we hired a new manager and I was assigned to him. When I first met him I remember he looked wide-eyed but I didn’t think anything of it, given he was just starting a new job in a new place. He was a good manager and we got along well. After a year or two of working together I cut my long hair short. He told me, more than once, “I’m so glad you cut your hair. When your hair was longer you looked exactly like my ex-girlfriend. When you walked into my office that first day my first thought was ‘I thought I got rid of her!’ ” My hair didn’t change how he treated me, but it did change how he felt, apparently!

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  81. Suz*

    When I was laid off during the big recession, I got a job at Home Depot to tide me over while I searched for a job in my field. I’ve always had really long hair but while working at HD I decided to chop it all off and got a short pixie cut. Prior to the haircut, I was regularly hit on by men while at work. After the haircut, I started getting approached by women.

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  82. Sir Nose d'Voidoffunk*

    This isn’t the same question, but I’m a man in a department of all women and just got off a Teams meeting. We haven’t been back in the office (we’re in Richmond and most of my coworkers don’t have water) and I got a haircut over the break, and you had better believe it got noticed and remarked upon.

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  83. Csethiro Ceredin*

    I’m a cis woman in my 40s. I haven’t had any dramatic haircuts, but I pull my hair back every day and on the very rare occasions I wear it loose I get an amount of comment that I always find a bit off-putting about how I should have it down more. These are compliments, but there’s a tone of “but you look so much more feminine and pretty this way” that I squirm at.

    My previous boss once commented in a faintly surprised tone that I “get away with” wearing it in a ponytail, the clear implication being “because you’re otherwise attractive.” He wasn’t being flirtatious and clearly considered this a compliment or neutral comment.

    So people are weird about hair.

    I don’t know if it’s affected my overall career but it does make me wonder how it would be in a field with a lot of client work or a focus on appearances.

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  84. cat herder*

    I went from long medium-brown, to shoulder-length red, to shoulder-length platinum blonde, to dark brown Mohawk in a span of 5 years (my mid-late 20’s, lol). It’s now been 7 years with the Mohawk, and I love it! I’ve found that other women compliment the Mohawk a LOT. As in, complete strangers will occasionally approach me to compliment my hair (only women do this, and it’s the biggest compliment!). But never had I ever been catcalled so much or approached by random men (at bus stops, at the grocery store, etc.) than I did with red hair — major ick. :|

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  85. Yellow*

    I often have a short bob. When I do, my hair is always “done”. I look more polished and think I’m treated in a slightly more elevated way. When my hair is longer I don’t really do much to it and think I’m treaed slightly more casually.

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  86. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    I tend to let my hair get pretty long and then cut it to chin length. So roughly 1 hair cut per year. Mostly because I am not great at making appointments. And because until I hit about 40 my hair was really healthy and did fine without trims.

    I was an engineer working at a startup – so 60-80 weeks and it had gone on longer than usual before I got a cut.

    I had the VP comment that he was glad to see I cut my hair because “You are not a cheerleader anymore”.

    I did not cut my hair at all for the remaining 3 years I worked there.

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  87. Captain Swan*

    During COVID the salons were closed for a long time. Since I was teleworking I let my hair grow really long (for me) and stopped getting highlights. After COVID I decided no more highlights. So my lighter brown hair with blonde and auburn highlights morphed back to it’s natural medium dark brown shade. Upon returning in person some People I worked with for years thought I was new because the blonde highlights were gone.

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  88. Sleepiest Girl Out Here*

    I did a big change recently, from long dyed blonde hair to a short shag in my natural dark brown. I did it because I wanted to look more visibility queer and it certainly made me more comfortable in my own skin and confident. I think people are reacting positively towards that versus caring about my actual haircut.

    The big caveat I would say is that I work in a creative department within a pretty liberal organization, so your experience may vary. But I’m happy to report it was a positive change for me!

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  89. Raine*

    My husband was working at a call center for years with long hair, kept back in a neat ponytail. He had a good reputation and the leadership would joke that if he’d just get a haircut, he could get promoted to management.

    So he decided one day to just go ahead and get the haircut, mainly because long hair was a pain to deal with and he was ready to have a break. The next day he went in to work, he got *several* double-takes, and by the end of the day, he was promoted to management.

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  91. RPOhno*

    I find that people react to me as though I’m much friendlier and more approachable when I have a full beard, and are more standoffish and wary when I have a goatee. Based on some bad photos, I think I tend to look a bit fighty when I have a goatee, so there is that…

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    1. Generic Name*

      My husband says he gets a ton more respect when he has a full beard. As in people call him sir and step aside to give him way on the sidewalk, etc.

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  92. Bast*

    I used to have hip length, dark brown hair. While I did not change the color, I chopped it off to about armpit length and added some gentle layers. When my hair was long and free, I tended to get carded and people frequently mistook me for being younger than I am (in my 30s). I work in an area nearby several colleges and was mistaken frequently at work for a law student interning, or by others at the colleges as a fellow student. Nothing else about me changed, but once I cut my hair I was no longer carded and the “what year are you” questions stopped.

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  93. Carys, Lady of Weeds*

    people are so weird about hair. I dyed my hair burgundy in 2021 and was very deep dark red for a while – and I worked remotely the whole time, so it didn’t have a work impact, but at the end of 2023 when I transitioned back to my ashy medium brown the amount of people I know -friends, extended family, my (now ex) husband – all said “glad you’re back to brown, you looked terrible.”

    Personally, I loved looking like a deranged version of Snow White (I’m incredibly Irish pale), and the amount of vitriol about the color I got after the fact was both surprising and amusing.

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    1. Carys, Lady of Weeds*

      Forgot to add my favorite comment from my dad: “It just didn’t look natural at all!” Well, duh, that was the point lol

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      1. kicking-k*

        Oh, yeah. My mother – possibly same generation as your dad – cannot be persuaded that people with obviously unnatural hair colours meant it to be that way. Maybe not so much if it’s pink or blue, but a red that veers more towards purple than auburn? Must have come out wrong, or “they don’t know what it looks like to other people.”

        Drives me bananas. Of course it’s on purpose, Mother! Not everyone likes the same thing! Fortunately she is not in charge of hiring anyone.

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        1. Dancing Otter*

          Well, my originally copper-haired mother did have accidentally purple hair in about 1965. Her Italian hairdresser was apparently more used to coloring darker, coarser hair.

          I don’t know exactly what Jassica did wrong, but Mom had hoped that “refreshing her natural color” would fly under Dad’s radar, so to speak. Yeah, not so much. I was sent to play outside while they “discussed” the matter.

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    2. Zona the Great*

      That’s not cool at all. My favorite haircut was a short one and now that it is shoulder length, people love to tell me they didn’t like it. Well, I was hoping to do it once per year but now? Don’t offer unsolicited opinions no matter how much time has passed. It’s not like being teased for wearing acid wash jeans in the 80s, for instance.

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      1. kicking-k*

        Yeah, one of the reasons – a minor one, but there – why I don’t cut my hair short is I don’t want certain people to tell me how much better it looks and how terrible they thought it was before. I like it how it is now, too!

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  94. ahb*

    Yes. In college, my hair was all the way down to my lower back. I donated a long length of it, all the way up to my shoulders, so it was a drastic transformation. Coworkers and customers alike definitely started treating me more seriously, maybe less like a college student.

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  95. Yankees fans are awesome*

    I once worked with a complete and total snob; the kind who was honey sweet outwardly to everyone but completely arrogant when she thought only one or two people were looking. You know the type.

    Anyway, at the time, I had a wonderful hairdresser. The first haircut I got from her, Snob visibly turned up her nose as I walked in the door to all kinds of compliments from co-workers (and come on, Snob, those compliments really are for the hairdresser, so what’s your deal with me?).

    The second time, I walked in but no one was there as it was the lunch hour; ho hum. I went to the printer to complete a task, and who turned up but Snob, who apparently noticed my updated cut, because she said, “Did you have that done or did you do it yourself?” in a really catty way. Just pathetic, really.

    So I consider that a good story, as I so love to see snobs’ heads nearly explode over absolutely nothing.

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  96. Whomst*

    I think it depends on what sort of work environment you’re in how much it’s going to affect things. If you’re constantly networking and have a large shallow pool of contacts, you’re always going to be closer to the “first impressions” end of the spectrum where people react more strongly to your appearance. If you have a small tight-knit team where you mostly interact with each other, they’re likely going to adjust to the hair without much issue. If you’re in a conservative field with people who speak out about anything non-conventional, you will likely have more friction than if you’re in a tech startup.

    Myself, a software developer who spends 80% of my face time with the same 6 guys, I can do whatever I want to my hair with no significant consequences. If I was looking to switch departments or careers, I likely would avoid doing anything too “extreme” with my hair if I needed an edge in the process.

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  97. Undercover Nutter*

    I used to have longer (different selections of shoulder-ish lengths) hair, with different natural colors depending on what I was feeling like that season. I was often assumed to be a lawyer, with the FBI, and the obligatory teacher and librarian when wearing glasses, but oddly also always conservative, rich and well connected. I attributed this mostly to my job which required being well dressed and sporting a briefcase, but in my personal life I still was always put together when out & about.

    I then decided to go with a pixie cut in blue. I have never been mistaken for conservative, an attorney nor with the FBI since. I am now generally considered a liberal protestor or well connected art collector with a notable husband. Shortly after doing this I was also hassled about having venue tickets on me, train tickets, asked for ID, etc. which was a first.

    I’ve since foregone the blue for a more natural color, and with age I’m just now assumed to be a competent human.

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  98. el l*

    Three thoughts. First, to answer the headline question, when I was first starting out in the workforce, yes, as a young man finding a haircut that suited my hair 2-3 years in did make a difference in being taken seriously. As did dressing marginally more conservatively, FWIW.

    But that’s not really your question, so second – do you want to be taken that seriously like before? I mean, it’s great to be taken seriously at work, but there are conservative contexts where perhaps you’d be seen as so serious that you’re not approachable. Not justifying it, but there are.

    Finally, as with many work versus personal decisions, you can always choose to say, “I choose not to care, and will just handle the consequences come what may.” We all run across these situations every now and then (e.g. “I want to ditch my high earning job for something more fulfilling”) and you could push it into this category. Don’t want to do that all the time, but it’s an option.

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  99. econobiker*

    Years ago a college educated male friend of my family was having trouble getting a professional job. My father counseled our friend about the appearance his then very long hippie type beard this being prior to current day era hipster long beards and mustaches.

    Our friend shaved off his multiple years of beard down to clean shaven and got a job after his next several interviews. He eventually grew his beard back but maintained it to a shorter professional length while working with that job the next 30 years!
    So yes hair appearance does contribute to perceptions!

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  100. GreenGrass*

    I work in agriculture (not in the US) and have very messy, badly kept hair (like, it wouldn’t fly in an office, no way). I’ve found that at farming events men won’t call me lovely/sweet/stunning and joke about When will you find a nice man – but they absolutely do this to my female friends who are in different fields and have lovely hair and attend their event. Eg if me and friend are both speakers at a farmer’s day, I’ll just be introduced by my name, whereas my well-groomed friend will be introduced as “the lovely xxx, bet you boys were wondering who the beauty in our midst is”. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest – a while back someone even added “and she’s single, so get on it boys!”. like to think that I exude a feral aura that keeps comments at bay. Ugh

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  101. Head Sheep Counter*

    I live in an area where playing with your hair is pretty acceptable (California). I’ve had it highlighted with bright colors for years now. Generally hot pink with purple or orange. The length goes up and a bit down depending on how I’m feeling about my weight (I’ve a large head and if I feel round I keep a bit of length).

    I’ve never been able to brave a buzz as my head is huge (seriously I buy mens large hats and they still are iffy about fitting). I figure a big bald head on average -> large shoulders is a look that I’m… not set to rock.

    I am very aware that my playing with my hair would need adaptation if I lived elsewhere. If I tried to relocate to DC I’d have a whole wardrobe and look refresh to start with a more formal and business look. Basically, its important to know your industry and your local vibe (mine in DC is business).

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    1. TenTen*

      FWIW I have a massive skull (I can’t buy men’s large hats, they’re too small!) and large shoulders, and my buzzcut did not make my proportions look any different than they did when I had hair. Obviously not saying you should try any kind of haircut you’re not sure about! But anecdotally, that particular qualm might not be as much of an issue as you think.

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      1. Head Sheep Counter*

        Interesting… I’m contemplating a whole shift where I play with the color to ease the gray in but in keeping with my current fun color (at the moment I like to think I’m rocking something I’m calling sangria (purplish tone for the base and bright orange/copper chunks/high-lights). To radically change it would require two step bleach and… I’d prefer to go do that on short short hair. So… perhaps instead of a pixie… we’ll play with something even more radical? :)

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  102. Zona the Great*

    I believe we act differently with different haircuts and people respond accordingly. I base this opinion on my years as a school teacher at various levels. When a boy got a mohawk cut, they often acted like a wild little punk and of course would be subjected to an increase in discipline. When a girl got a “big girl” cut, she suddenly became too cool for school and it caused issues with her friendships.

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  103. nora*

    I’m a woman and I typically wear my wavy-ish hair in an ear-to-chin length bob. In the fall of 2018 I had a superficial head injury that required powerful antibiotics. I healed perfectly, but between the injury and the medication, my hair fell out. I ended up with a bald spot covering about a third of one side of my head. My hair is dark brown so it was very noticeable. My hair didn’t start growing back for two months, during which time I started job hunting. By the time I started my new job, the new hair was coming in and it was EXTREMELY curly and fluffy (this is apparently a thing that happens when hair follicles are traumatized). I looked like I had a bad 80s perm but ONLY in that one spot. There really wasn’t anything I could do but wait it out, and in the meanwhile I looked like I had a wildly asymmetrical art school haircut.

    My new coworkers were incredibly kind and gracious about it and no one said anything. Later on one of them told me she thought my hair made me seem much more interesting than I actually am. Sorry to disappoint I guess?

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    1. CommanderBanana*

      This happened to my mother when she had COVID – her (straight, silver/white) hair all fell out and grew back in curly and ash-brown. Apparently a massive immune response can cause all your hair to go into its die cycle at the same time?

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    2. So outta the firm*

      I’m sorry about your injury. A severe illness in my childhood resulted in all my hair falling out and coming back in curly. But inconsistent curls – some are loose and some are tight and a rare good hair day when its not too humid, the stars align, etc. I’m in my 60s now, cis white woman, and thinking about getting a chin length bob and blowing it out straight, also letting it go grey – unless I start interviewing again, then back to light brown (my former natural color).

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  105. Steve*

    I work in events and it’s a somewhat unstated requirement to be well groomed and, well, sort of middle of the road in how I present myself given that I deal with C suite and external clients on a regular basis. I wear my hair medium length parted on the side and have a short trimmed beard that’s salt and ginger. Given that I’m 60 and on the job hunt, the medium hair softens me up a bit and thankfully I am still somewhat youthfulish looking (I think people would think I’m in my late 40s/early 50s).

    But if I had my druthers, I’d shave my head. I got it down to nearly ‘stubble’ for about a year during the height of WFH while I managed online events. I love the look but think it probably ages me a bit and thus emphasizes that I’m not 25.

    I’d also like to get an earring but I usually interview with fairly conservative companies. :(

    I am in awe of the movement by those in younger generations who DGAF about any of this and just do their own thing.

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  106. TenTen*

    I once went from mid-back-length hair to a buzzcut when I had an office job in a fairly conservative industry, and my coworkers ranged from weird to outright rude about it. Several of them fussed over me as if I’d done some inexplicable damage to myself, and one literally said “What did you do to your hair?!” when she first saw me after the cut. Then they got used to it and treated me the same.

    I’ve job-hunted with a buzzcut several times, though, and never found it an impediment. People didn’t seem to treat me differently with it either, beyond the usual differences you might expect from a new workplace compared to an old one (new people, new work culture, etc.).

    Also, if you do decide to buzz it off, I hope you love it! I loved having a buzzcut and I sported mine for a good 5 years before I got bored and decided to grow it out again. To this day I’ve never felt more powerful than I always did the week or so after a fresh buzz.

    (As a note for anyone who might see this and make assumptions, I’m not a woman, but I was closeted and did still present myself as one when I first got the buzzcut.)

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  107. Covert Copier Whisperer*

    So much of this can be field-dependent and personal comfort dependent!
    A few years into my current job, I went from mid- back length wavy hair with bangs, to short and deliberately queer coded look– think #2 fade on the sides and a bit longer on top.

    I have an office- based role in my industry, largely staffed by women and largely kind of office- standard femme. No one had any issues with my cut, but I noticed I started being more comfortable dressing in what was considered office wear for field staff– who are largely men. The women with field jobs, even higher up, tend to have either very short hair or long hair tied well back. There has been a subtle tendency since I cut my hair for field staff to spend less time questioning whether I know their technical area.
    So it’s helped!
    Re age, it made little difference. I kept my hair in a fairly conservative bun whenever I was going to be in external meetings anyway. And the short hair has minimized the visibility the gray streaks at my temples. I dropped the last lingering vestiges of my old makeup routine as well and no one noticed.
    Also, I just feel so much more comfortable with a variety of dressing styles (I am agender) and I think the sheer comfort in my own body and self-confidence has made up for a lot.

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  108. Blarg*

    I had long, straight, thin brown hair that I loved — it was about waist length. I dreamed of Pantene commercial style hair, but that was sadly not what I had going. Then I had chemo and no hair. Now it is growing in with some texture (curl?? to be seen) and is a bit longer than a pixie. I have to use products for the first time ever, and I miss being able to put it in a pony tail if it got unwieldy.

    Other people LOVE IT. To the point where I realize they did not like my old hair at all. I’ve always looked young for my age, and that has lessened, which has been somewhat nice. I can accept that on someone else I would think my hair looks nice, but for me, I hate it and just desperately want it to be the way it was (and I am definitely focusing on my hair as the thing to be frustrated by, because everything else is just too much).

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  109. HairTodayGoneTomorrow*

    When my hair gets long, I have the stereotypical dark curls of Jewish ancestry. I used to keep it just long enough to start to curl, but as soon as I started keeping it shorter, about a quarter of clients instantly started being nicer to me.

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  110. alecka*

    I’m a mid-30s white woman and have had a completely shaved head for the past 5 years; I have gotten (and remained in) two great jobs in that time and was always taken seriously. I do work in the mental health / social work field however, so it probably depends on the type of role and industry you’re working in! There are lots of different looks in the social work field.

    That being said – I do still get strange comments about it, mostly from more traditional folks who tell me how much prettier I would be if I grew my hair out. Cue shrurg and an eye roll. People will people – but having a buzz cut rocks!

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  111. Orange*

    I buzzed my hair in the summer of 2020. It absolutely affected the way people saw me in public: as you say, they perceived me as more serious, but also angrier. And men stopped hitting on me for a bit, which was fabulous. I think since I’m a young woman, they interpreted me as “grouchy lesbian” — not inaccurate, but that’s not usually the way I’m read.

    On the other hand, vis-a-vis work: I work in healthcare and we were all wearing a lot of PPE at the time, so we all looked so odd that the hair didn’t seem to register much. A couple people thought it was a cry for help.

    I hope you enjoy your buzz! I don’t think I’ll shave my head again, but I’m really glad I did it once. It was empowering, and the grow-out period was actually fun, since I got to try out a bunch of different hairstyles as it got longer.

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  112. Cordelia Comments*

    I’m a woman with an unusual haircut – think extreme undercut but you wouldn’t necessarily notice that most of my head is shaved when I wear my hair down. When I’m meeting new work colleagues for the first time, or starting a new job, I tend to wear my hair down for a while until I can tell whether it’s “cool” or not to show off my buzzcut. Many many times this has led to colleagues straight up not recognizing me when I do eventually wear my hair up! A coworker in another department once told me she thought my manager had 2 direct reports (he only had one – me).

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  113. loodles*

    This is a good way to gauge your employer from the off. I’ve worked at places that wouldn’t let me have a hair colour other than “natural” (apparently it would affect how I do my job – utter rubbish!) and other places where I’ve interviewed with pink hair and been offered – and accepted – a role.
    Much happier working somewhere that exists in 2025 and realises people work better when they can be genuinely and wholly themselves.
    Ultimately you need to establish if it would be a problem for you working somewhere stuck in the dark ages.

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  114. OHCFO*

    I’m a white, cis, woman with naturally curly hair. When my hair is styled in a shoulder length, straightened bob, people treat me like I’m far more polished/experienced/professional. When my hair is in it’s unruly, natural state it’s less so.

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  115. pallascatparty*

    I think it greatly depends on your industry and seniority level. If you’re in a creative field, the buzz cut will probably not hold you back. Do you live in an area where there are any Crown laws that prohibit discrimination based on hair? If yes, then employers can’t hold your haircut against you.

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  116. Jack Straw from Wichita*

    I was 6-ish months into a new company when I became obsessed with watching Brad Mondo reaction & tutorial videos during 2020 lockdown. I bleached and colored the bottom half of my brown hair a GORGEOUS ombre purple to blue. It showed when my hair was down or top half pulled back, but I could “hide” it on camera if necessary.

    I was training frontline ICs at the time and was told it made me seem “more approachable.” I was and am already pretty dang approachable though, so it really meant people would treat me as a peer rather than a leader.

    I loved it and have been thinking about going back to it again.

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  117. OlympiasEpiriot*

    Not a haircut.

    Also, I did this intending to be treated differently.

    I was 19 and working. I had *been* working. I had money in the bank and references. But, I was having trouble finding an apartment share. I didn’t want to share with the majority of people my age I encountered because they were all still in college and not working and it just wouldn’t have meshed well. So, I was answering ads and registering at a roommate agency and interviewing with people who needed another person and CONSTANTLY getting cross-examined about my age.

    I went to the salon and got a shock of silver added to my bangs and some scattered salt and pepper. The stylist did a fantastic job, he also enjoyed doing it.

    Suddenly, I didn’t get any inquiries about my age. I mean, no one thought I was 45. But, without changing my clothing, body language, or makeup (there was none), no one seemed to worry about me being too young.

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  118. Jaina Solo*

    I’ve usually gotten compliments but, and not trying to needlessly brag, I do have nice, thick hair. So mine is more prone to get compliments especially when I wear it longer. Honestly, I suspect that having nice hair just helped in general and especially working with guys, they liked that it was part of the package. Some nice scenery to go with my awesome brain.

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  119. Mesquito*

    I used to keep my head shaved down to the skin, and people at work complimented it alllllll the tiiiiiime- but they also were really comfortable portraying me as physically aggressive or menacing when I hadn’t done anything threatening, even if they had been the ones to lose their temper or raise their voice and I hadn’t. I have maybe half an inch of hair and some wispy bang things now and people do not act that way anymore, and I don’t get “compliments” about how “scary” I am. I miss my bald head but life is peaceful now.

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  120. Ally McBeal*

    I have a friend who shaved her head while she was employed. She’d had her hair fairly short (pixies or slightly longer) for many years prior, so the buzz wasn’t a huge change/shock, but I don’t recall that she heard anything negative from her coworkers or management. Granted, she’s in data journalism and so has been subject to several layoffs since then, but she also is getting interviews and jobs with her shaved head. She lives in NYC, though, and I imagine your results may vary considerably if you live in a more socially conservative area or work in a more conservative industry.

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  121. Jake*

    I’m a male, but when I get a fresh cut or when I haven’t gotten it cut in a while, I oftentimes am treated like I’m younger than I am. This is even with people who have known me for years.

    With a fresh cut, I was getting carded in my early thirties.

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  122. Cascadia*

    Can’t speak to job hunting specifically, but when I went from medium-length hair to a cute pixie faux-hawk in college, it definitely changed how people interacted with me. Men stopped talking to me almost altogether, and women talked to me more. I stopped getting hit on or flirted with at parties, and largely ignored when walking down the street. Women came up to me all the time to tell me how great my hair looked, how courageous I was, how they wished they could cut it all off, etc. It was a fascinating social experiment I didn’t realize I was participating in!

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  123. kayakj*

    My very first “professional” job out of college was for a bank and my bold highlights were deemed to be too extreme. My manager at the time gave me money to change my hair to something a little more toned down. I then went on to work in more progressively liberal companies, finally ending up in the tech industry. I currently have purple hair that ombres to a pink/purple combo when it fades. I interviewed for my current role with pink hair. I didn’t think to mention it to the recruiter and no one said anything about it. I don’t think I’d want to work for a company that wasn’t OK with fun hair colors/styles. I’ve had shaved sides, an under cut, long hair, short hair, and almost every color combo you can think of. It’s almost become a signature and when I went to a more natural looking red during covid (easier to maintain on my own), my clients and coworkers were almost disappointed that I was “normal” looking. I don’t think I’ve ever been treated differently for my hair – even my most conservative clients just shrug and attribute it to me being from the NW. It also makes my age a little less obvious – I’m in my mid 40s but present as any where from mid 30s to my actual age. I say go for the hairstyle that makes you feel the best. If someone doesn’t hire you or treats you differently than you want, do you really want to work for them? The confidence boost I get from my hair helps me feel more bold and confident which I think translates in my interactions with others even when I might feel a little intimidated. It’s also a fun ice breaker convo in new settings. Do what makes you happy, life’s too short. Plus, it’s just hair, it will grow out!

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  124. Mimsie*

    Absolutely company dependent. I work for a tech focused e-commerce company and our director of data services has a very closely shaved head. She’s very highly respected. Nobody cares she has a a shaved head. Well that’s not quite true. We think she looks cool as fuck.

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  125. AnneC*

    At my first job out of college, I started with shoulder-length hair but got a pixie cut about a year into my employment there. The reactions I got were mostly neutral/positive, but there were a few doozies, eg:

    “I liked you better with long hair. Women ought to have long hair” – dude older than my dad
    “Wow, you don’t look homely anymore!” – random lady in the restroom
    “Your hair looks like mine after I had chemo!” – another random lady in the restroom

    Eventually I grew my hair out again, mainly because I wanted more of it to dye fun colors (plus, the upkeep on a pixie was extremely annoying, and my hair kept stubbornly insisting on trying to turn into a mullet in back). But in any event – any drastic appearance change is likely to prompt at least a few strange, unsolicited comments that will have you wondering whether some folks’ parents ever taught them manners. I don’t regret my hair experiments, though; the weird comments were memorable in part because they weren’t the norm. Most people didn’t concern themselves with my haircuts.

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  126. Fall Ball*

    When I went from long hair to short hair, I found out how many men were VERY AWARE of my appearance, even when I was barely aware of their existences. I got so many comments from dudes I couldn’t pick out of a line up about how they missed my “old” hair. I don’t know if it affected how other people perceived me, but it definitely made me aware of how visible I was, and lowered my opinion of plenty of dudes.

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  128. Hiring Manager (they/them)*

    I’ve gone from long hair to short hair and while I don’t necessarily notice being treated any *differently* around my work performance and professionalism, but somehow people find it easier to not misgender me the shorter my hair is.

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  129. DJ*

    When I was starting cancer treatment many years back I had some rapidly changing hairstyles.
    Started with getting long layered hair cut to my shoulders. Then had it cut short (everyone liked that one). Then used a spirally wig.
    When I went to the short haircut a colleague who didn’t recognise me at first though an IT person was sitting at my computer fixing it.
    When I first wore the spiral wig everyone talked about the “new girl”!
    It was the short hair cut that made the most impression in both compliments and how ppl responded to me at work and socially!

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  130. FauxFauxHawk*

    Another wide mohawk type style here, but always brushed to one side, with close shaved sides. It helps keep the gray out, my scalp less oily and is a lot less work on a daily basis to look “good”.

    I definately seem to be seen as confident and seen as someone to ask things, when actually I have near zero Peer to Peer confidence at all and have little to no actual power or responsibility. Trying to convince people they shouldn’t be asking me but someone else is actually quite an annoying challenge at times.

    I do get good rapport with our clients though, which is a bonus when you have to say versions of “no” a lot.

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  131. I'm the Phoebe in Any Group*

    Great post. I’ve never had this issue, but I’m job hunting in my mid-60s and wonder if dyeing my hair from grey to brown will have an impact. I was thinking of doing this before the job hunt, but this has put it to the forefront of my mind.

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    1. Head Sheep Counter*

      I think this depends on where you are and what industry. Lets be honest… our resumes will tattle on us as much as our hair these days. So if you love your gray go for a modern do of whatever length and lean into it. I’m super jealous of women who have beautiful gray hair.

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  132. Buzz Cut Evangelist*

    I buzzed my hair during the lockdown and then kept it that way for quite a while. I didn’t notice any negative reactions. A close friend said, “This suits you so well that I can’t even remember what you looked like with long hair.” I did start wearing big earrings to calibrate how feminine I looked. I had so much fun playing with my clothing and realizing how much I leaned on my Gibson Girl-esque bun as an accessory.

    Lots of clients remarked on it, but in a neutral way. Sometimes I wondered if people were even treating me better – did they think I was sick? I didn’t look sick. I looked (teen boy voice) sick as fuck.

    I highly encourage women to shave their heads. It was incredible liberating.

    If the only people you’re worried about are hiring managers, then it might be a good filter for workplaces that will expect very traditional femininity from you.

    There was one downside: I didn’t get much work done for three days after because I was so captivated by how it felt to rub my scalp. Maybe do it on a Friday.

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  133. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

    Shorter haircuts make me look older, so I was taken far more seriously when I was younger. This was a good thing for me because I tend to look younger than I am and it was a struggle to get people to take me seriously when I was early career.

    I also started being taken more seriously once I grew out my bangs. That was the hardest to do because they last forever in that length where they’re too long to not be annoying but too short to clip back.

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  134. IT But I Can't Fix Your Computer*

    When I went from a long bob to a pixie, two different people at work asked what my husband thought about my haircut. No, this was not in 1940.

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  135. UpstateDownstate*

    Ohh this is a fun thread!

    At a job I had a long, long time ago, every time I got a haircut my boss thought I was a different person. A different ‘new’ person. I was in a highly visible role and he was the only one who had this issue.

    One year I started off with long hair, I screwed up a bunch of his lunch orders which aligned perfectly with my new bangs and he forgot all about it because he thought I was a new hire and the ‘other girl’ had left. I mean…so weird but it did have it’s benefits.

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  136. Anonymous for this*

    I tend to present as feminine though I’m nonbinary. I work in public education and have very short hair. I keep it between a half-inch to two inches long, with shorter sides and back. I waited to redo my hair dye until after I interviewed for my current job, but now that I know the culture and have seen other folks with similar styles, I usually dye my hair blue after it fades back to blonde. It definitely has an effect but not really a negative impact on how I’m viewed. It helps that people can see I do my work well and that I make a point of making friendly connections with colleagues.

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  137. QuinleyThorne*

    I have one kinda weird experience:
    I’m a black and nonbinary/agender, but feminine-presenting at work for convenience’s sake, and wear my hair “natural” with no flat-ironing or chemical treatments to straighten it. I wear my hair like for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it’s less time, money, and effort on my part. But every now and then I’ll straighten it for a special event or something, and when I do I tend to get a lot of compliments from coworkers on it. I straightened my hair for an (non work-related) event when I was at a past job, and most reactions were perfectly nice and innocuous–“Oh! Your hair looks nice!” or “Wow, your hair’s really long!” I responded with a cheery “Aw, thank you!” or “Yep, longer than it looks when curly!”, most folks were content with that, and kept it moving.

    But there was this one cowokerstayed giving compliments, and kept bringing it up after everyone else had stopped giving theirs. I’d only recently come into my nonbinary/agender identity at that time, and had navigated interactions like this my whole life–on the whole, I know people are just trying to be nice. But with this coworker, it felt different. Like, after a certain point of getting repeated, effusive comments from the same coworker it started to feel…weirdly interrogatory? “I can’t get over how pretty your hair is straight!” Like…I heard and thanked you the first time, why do you keep bringing this up? “Do you like having your hair straight?” It’s…fine? “You look so pretty with straight hair, why don’t you wear it like that more often?” It’s…it’s hair, not anything to get excited about, and certainly not anything to warrant this level of questioning, what exactly do you want from me? They eventually stopped, but the whole thing felt weird in a way I hadn’t encountered before, and now I tend to read too much into comments like this (though that could just be the agender or the autism spectrum part of me talking).

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    1. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

      No, that’s definitely weird. And likely someone who’s been normalized to a certain cultural look as being the height of beauty…

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  138. Sarah*

    I have naturally curly hair and whenever I’ve worked with other curlies, we’ve shared stories about being told we’d get taken more seriously or look more professional if we straightened our hair. Sometimes from other curly-haired women! And this is just white women with curly hair – I shudder to imagine what I’d have dealt with by now if I were Black.

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  139. Lily C*

    Fortunately, my experience was more funny than unpleasant. Summer college job was working at a camp up in the mountains, loading and unloading the industrial dishwasher for three meal services a day for 500+ guests and staff. It had been unseasonably hot and I was fed up with trying to tie my hair back every day while dealing with the humidity of the dish pit, so I got one of the guys to pull out his clippers and shave my head. I went from past-the-shoulder length orange-dyed hair to 1/4 inch natural brown after dinner one night. When I showed up to work breakfast, several senior staff members came up to me to greet me as if I was new, and were shocked when I identified myself. I also had a couple of kids ask me if I was a girl or a boy, but I’m pretty sure that was general childhood curiosity.

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  140. Sexy Penguin*

    I work in a corporate environment, and while every work environment is a little different, the pandemic helped me bite the bullet. I went from very-long hair to very-short hair that I’ve been dyeing wild colors ever since. (Bright neon yellow, green and purple, or even rainbow hair a time or two.) I was still nervous that I wouldn’t be taken seriously, but my work and reputation is what people hear about me first, so meeting me in person ends up being a pleasant surprise. I get a lot of compliments on when I get new colors, even from high-ranking members of staff.

    I am client-facing and work very closely with them and I haven’t personally had any negative interactions or hits to my reputation from any of the hairstyles that I’ve chosen. The “worst” I’ve had (at least to my face!) was a high-ranking member of the company teased me for waking up and deciding to dye it a crazy color, but it wasn’t malicious.

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  141. FromOneGmtoAnother*

    I have an interesting perspective on this as I had short hair for years from buzzed to crew cuts to shags but for the last few I’ve had long hair. While I haven’t necessarily noticed more respect one way or another I got far more comments on my hair when it was short. Lot’s of “I love your hair but could never be so brave” “You can pull off anything” etc that is supposed to be complimentary even though it doesn’t really come across that way.

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  142. Maggie*

    I went from long hair to a graduated bob with a shaved nape. My boss said she envied it, but she would never do it because she wouldn’t want people to think SHE was a lesbian. The bizarre thing is this is the SECOND time this happened to me, the first being when a different boss said the same thing only based on my footwear (I wear flats. I always have. The one time I wore heels I fell into traffic and two old men had to help me up!)

    I don’t really care (I am actually asexual), but it is funny what people will try to use to pigeonhole you.

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  144. A manager, but not your manager*

    I completely shaved my head while working as a middle manager in a fairly liberal industry (gaming) in a based fairly liberal state (west coast). Most people reacted to it really well, but one of my reports asked me if I “lost a bet” and said his neighbor did the same and he hoped it didn’t become a trend. He was in his mid-thirties.

    Thankfully I did it on a lark, not because of a health condition so it was a relatively low stakes situation, but he and I still had to have a talk about how not to talk to coworkers about their appearance.

    Reply ↓

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