weekend open thread – February 1-2, 2025

by Alison Green on January 31, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Case Histories, by Kate Atkinson. After loving Liz Moore’s Long Bright River, I wanted more literary fiction mysteries where the character development gets as much attention as the plot. (Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

You may also like:
{ 152 comments }

{ 152 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    The weekend posts are for relatively light discussion — think office break room — and comments should ask questions and/or seek to discuss ideas. “Here’s what happened to me today” personal-blog-style posts will be removed (because they got out of control in the past). We also can’t do medical advice here.

    These threads are no politics.

    Please give the full rules a re-read.

    Reply ↓
    3. Valancy Stirling*

      I got the keys to my new apartment! I’m going from a studio to a three bedroom, and I’m so excited.

      Reply ↓
    5. Six Feldspar*

      1. Getting a haircut (left it about three weeks too long around the Christmas rush)
      2. Making a strawberry daiquiri at home – never had one before but it came together in all of a minute and tasted like a cold boozy glass of strawberry jam in the best way possible
      3. It’s set to be 36c/97f or higher over the next three days, but inside my house with the blinds and fans it’s a beautiful 17c/63f. I haven’t even turned on the aircon yet!

      Reply ↓
    7. GoryDetails*

      Discovered a new-to-me BBQ place *and* a new Little Free Library within a few blocks of each other, and managed to drop some books, buy some BBQ, and get home again before the rain-turned-to-snow started.

      Reply ↓
      1. allathian*

        That’s also my joy!

        I’m also no longer effectively housebound by our icy drive. It’s no longer icy, even if we should have snow this time of year.

        Reply ↓
    9. fallingleavesofnovember*

      After being sick last week I filled this week up with activities, both social and active! Highlight would probably be first cross country ski of the season last nice on some nice fresh snow :)

      Reply ↓
    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      That is Sophie, mother of Wallace! On a blanket I crocheted last month, threw my back out while making, and still have not recovered from. But at least the blanket is finished!

      Reply ↓
      2. Honey Badger*

        I once crocheted a beautiful baby blanket for a baby shower and used such beautiful yarn and trim. I left it on my bed while I was getting ready, came in, and my cat had chewed it partially up :( It took me weeks to make lol.

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      3. old curmudgeon*

        So sorry to hear about your back, Alison! If you’re still hurting a month later and haven’t yet seen a medical provider, I’d encourage you to make an appointment. They’ll probably send you for PT, which I fully agree is no fun, but it will more than likely resolve whatever is making your muscles are unhappy.

        And Sophie is magnificent as always, of course! Is it strange that I’ve gotten to the point where I can identify your cats by name without “cheating” (hovering the cursor over the photo to see whose name comes up)? I recognized Her Majesty the minute I saw the photo, though she looks like she’s a tiny bit more svelte than the last photo I saw. Give her a chin-scritch for me, please!

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        1. Ask a Manager* Post author

          It’s been over a month! I’ve been working with a fantastic physical therapist (who comes to my house, which makes her even more fantastic) and I am slowly getting better but I’m so over it and can’t believe it’s still going on. From making a blanket! Ridiculous. (I did buy a gaming pillow to use while crocheting in the future though, so hopefully this won’t happen again.)

          Sophie accepts your admiration as her due.

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          1. old curmudgeon*

            Funny, my physical therapist recommended that I use a gaming pillow for reading and knitting because both were killing my shoulders and back! It does make a big difference, though I have to fight with my cats over whether I get to use it myself or if it’s just going to be a giant cat-bed wrapped around my middle. I’ll give you one guess who usually wins…

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            1. LemonTaffy*

              speaking of giant cat beds, my cat currently has the biggest bed I’ve ever bought. I got a couch from Habitat for Humanity and had it cleaned to put in my spare room. Total cost: $320. He has claimed the back of it for his own, squishing the back support down on both sides to the point where I can’t sit comfortably on the couch.

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    2. Jill Swinburne*

      I’ve never really got on with her work – almost every one I’ve started has been a DNF – but I did quite like her Jackson Brody series, mostly because I know Leeds, where it’s set, well. She’s good at writing a strong sense of place (see also the one set in Dundee, which I also know well).

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    3. Isabel Archer*

      And I recommend Atkinson’s “Behind the Scenes at the Museum,” one of my very favorite novels. I’ve read most of her stuff, but the Jackson Brodie series left me cold and I never read another one.

      Reply ↓
  5. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading and give or request recs. My personal request is for cozy and/or escapist books. It’s been an awful couple of weeks and I’m looking for something to take my mind off of things.

    This week I read Killers of a Certain Age, which was surprisingly fun and playful. For those who don’t know the plot, there are 4 women who have been assassins for forty years. They have just retired, but when they go on their post-retirement cruise they discover that their (now former) employer has put a hit out on them. I would recommend.

    Reply ↓
    1. Jackalope*

      I forgot to mention that my preference for cozy/escapist reads is fantasy or romance. I’m the other hand, I’m guessing a lot of people are having similar needs, so prob any genre of recs is welcome.

      Reply ↓
      1. Six Feldspar*

        I read Sunshine by Robin McKinley and Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett over winter when I need to remember light (literal or figurative) will eventually come back to the world…

        Reply ↓
      2. Jill Swinburne*

        Look for Julie Caplin/JulesWake (same author, just publishes under different names). I don’t normally do formulaic romances but those ones hit a certain spot for me because they double as armchair travel and they’re quite well-written.

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    2. goddessoftransitory*

      Just re-starting Ruth Ozeki’s The Book of Form and Emptiness (got sidetracked over the holidays) and loving it. Still working my way through the bedside stack and valiantly resisting any new purchases.

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    3. Dark Macadamia*

      My coziest favorites:

      I Capture the Castle – coming of age in the 1930s written as a girl’s journal. Super cute and funny.

      The Sun is Also a Star – YA romance between a boy who believes in fate and a girl who doesn’t.

      What If It’s Us – YA romance where two boys keep meeting, losing each other, and attempting to redo their failed first date.

      Nothing to See Here – found family about a nanny to spontaneously combusting children.

      Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches – romance about another nanny but this time with magic!

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    4. Atheist Nun*

      Yes, I liked Killers of A Certain Age much more than I expected. The sequel, Kills Well with Others, will be published in March, I believe. I have the eARC on my Kindle somewhere…

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    5. GoryDetails*

      On the escapist side, My Funny Demon Valentine by Aurora Ascher, which I admit I got largely because of the cute illustrations on the endpages (tiny demonic-cupid figures aiming arrows, musical notes, hearts…). Looks to be a mashup of “Scrubs” and “The Devil Wears Prada,” possibly with touches of “Bridget Jones’ Diary”.

      Then there’s Seanan McGuire’s Adrift in Currents Clean and Clear, the latest in her “Wayward Children” series. It’s more of a standalone book, dealing with the backstory of Nadya, a character from Beneath the Sugar Sky: she was in a Russian orphanage when an American couple adopted her and took her back to America. Nadya has an affinity for water – and for turtles – and has been coping very well with only one and a half arms (born that way), and isn’t comfortable with the new prosthetic her adoptive parents got for her. When she falls through one of the magical doors into an intricate and unusual water-world, she finds the perfect life, but it is in the nature of those pesky doors to sometimes send someone back even when they don’t want to go.

      On audiobook, a re-listen of Glitterland by Alexis Hall: protagonist Ash is a brooding author who suffers from panic attacks and bipolar disorder (and is also a bit of a snob). When he falls for flashy, and in his view trashy, glitter-pirate Darian, it’s clear that somebody’s going to get hurt – though Hall does usually manage to give his troubled characters a happy, or at least hopeful, ending, as long as they’re willing to do the work. It does get dark in places (Ash is the main viewpoint character) but is also sweet and often very funny.

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    6. PollyQ*

      I recently finished 3 of Elly Griffiths’s Ruth Galloway mysteries: A Dying Fall, The Stone Circle, and The Lantern Men. I’d read most of the rest of the series in 2024 (thanks, I think, to a tip here), but these were only just added to my local Libby. They’re not the best mysteries from the standpoint of plot construction, but the writing and characters are so great that I don’t mind. A Room Full of Bones is still on my hold list, so once I get to that, I’ll have finished the series, and it’ll be time to start over from the beginning!

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    7. Falling Diphthong*

      By Alice Bell, Grave Expectations* and Displeasure Island. A collision of Midsomer Murders and Scooby Doo. Common to both books are the team of Claire (a medium, who really does see ghosts even if she’s not great at the theatrical parts of mediuming), Sophie (her best childhood friend, now a ghost), Basher (no longer a policeman), and Basher’s teenaged niebling Alex (extremely cool). The first is set at a family gathering in a decrepit manor house with an abandoned monastery on the grounds, and the second involves a gathering of friends on a small island with an abandoned fort, so you can just imagine the number of ghosts and surety of someone getting murdered before page 100.

      I quite like these, balancing breezy with a fun, fair play mystery and some deeper thoughts on how maybe being haunted by your best teenaged friend for the rest of your life would have some drawbacks.

      * My library has a bunch of different books by this title, so double check the author.

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    8. Valancy Stirling*

      I love the Evenfall Witches series by Auralee Wallace. It’s about a young widow who can communicate with the dead, and in the two books so far, needs to help them solve their murders.

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    9. allx*

      Continuing with Walker Percy’s The Moviegoer. As noted by someone last week, it is definitely dated in many respects, but also, weirdly, some of the language sort of skates on the edges of modern day new age mysticism. Certain phrases like “slipping out of space and time” and “teetering on the brink of eternity” and “the spirit-presence of a strange place” and “he is my triangulation point” have tinges of a recent podcast interview I heard by Nicholas Ashbaugh of Argentinian Matias de Stefano (the Rememberer), who apparently can remember past lives back to the beginning of civilizations that no longer exist.

      This is clearly more about what language is hitting me and not about the story at all. The story strikes me as more about despair and damaged souls and broken relationships. I’m finding it quite sad, and also simultaneously deep and shallow. Kind of like reading early Dave Eggers, who is either a genius I’m just not quite smart enough to get or completely vapid, haha.

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    10. Evvy*

      Rereading The Farthest Shore (Ursula LeGuin) chapter by chapter before bed at night! I’m also slowly making my way through Entangled Life (Merlin Sheldrake) — what feels about three years after everybody else already read it (I’m in a very environmentally-focused graduate program, everyone loves mushrooms)! Also picked back up a couple chapters of Le Morte d’Arthur (Keith Baines edition).

      Cozy/escapist recs: I love Noel Streatfeild’s “Shoes Books” for this (shout out to that one scene in You’ve Got Mail…) They feel so much from a different time period and also just from a completely alternate reality somehow, even though the situations depicted in them aren’t necessarily unrealistic (?) For me it’s just something about the way she writes them haha. There is some dated stuff in them. Super cozy, I just read a few of them last year and enjoyed them just as much as I did as a kid/teen!

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    12. Six Feldspar*

      Finished Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells and yesterday I found a couple of the Miles Vorkosigan series, but mostly before bed I’ve been reading The Man Who Ate Everything by Jeffrey Steingarten, a collection of his essays as a food critic.

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    14. Second Breakfast*

      Since the election, I have listened to the Goblin Emperor and its sequels at least four times each. The Goblin Emperor hits the sweet spot for cozy, hopeful fantasy for me, and I love the world building. Though the sequels are often dark (the protagonist is a minor character from the first book, a tragic gay elf priest who talks to the dead), they share the overall hope of The Goblin Emperor.

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    15. Blooper*

      For a cozy read, I quite enjoyed The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. The book’s cover art matches the mood well :)

      I second Dark Macademia’s Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches rec!

      Reply ↓
  6. anon today*

    Any ideas here to support our valued federal workers in the US? I’m not a fed, so it’s not work-related for me. I’d like this to be a positive thread of cool ideas. Clearly we can start with contacting our government representatives, but I’d also like fun, loving, happy ideas that make clear how much we value a strong and competent civil service!

    Baking brownies sounds good with the caveat that I only have so much oven space, hahah. If you’re a Fed, what’s making you feel better in terms of community support right now?

    I’m thinking of trying to find a nice printed version of the oath for my fav federal employee.

    Reply ↓
    1. Inside the Beltway*

      Actual support. Calling your member of Congress is probably the only thing that will actually help. Tell them to support the civil service and not permit government by executive order. Talk about government programs that are beneficial to you – highways? Air traffic control? Food inspection? Complain about the amount of power Musk, who was neither elected nor confirmed by the Senate, has seized.

      I mean, if you’re local to DC, buy one of your friends in the trenches a drink. But otherwise we need support.

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      1. Goody One Shoe*

        Your elected representatives (senators and congresspeople, and to a lesser extent state governors) DO pay some attention to phone calls and letters from their constituents. I don’t think emails get as much attention, they don’t hurt. Reach out to them!

        Certainly tell your representatives about government programs that contribute to your well-being and to that of your community. Depending on where you live, you might consider mentioning how having federal employees in your community supports your local economy.

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    2. Anonyfed*

      Two thoughts: one is that I’ve found it so helpful over the last two weeks to hear from people who are supportive and who appreciate what we do. The second is that everyone is thinking about us right now, but in a couple of weeks that will have faded, but we’ll still be at it. If you have anyone you know who’s in this boat then keep checking in with them and following up to see how they’re doing. Maybe once a week or every other week or something like that, for awhile. (Even if it’s just a quick text or something like that.)

      Reply ↓
    3. Your Friendly Neighborhood Nerd*

      Honestly? Action. I love appreciation, but it means more if it is backed up by calling your state reps and Senators.

      Reply ↓
  7. Exercise?*

    I don’t like exercising but it looks like I’m going finally have time to do so and I need to lose some weight. What types of exercise do you enjoy? Especially looking for things I also can occupy my mind while doing…like reading or listening to podcasts.

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    1. theinone*

      In no particular order, here’s what I like:

      Walking
      Pros: very easy, very cheap…just go outside and pick a direction, great for audiobooks/podcasts
      Cons: can get monotonous if you’re on a treadmill/weather issues if you go outside, not everywhere is safe to walk outside

      Swimming
      Pros: great for fitness in general, easier on joints than walking/running, you don’t feel yourself sweating
      Cons: unless you get special earbuds for music/podcasts it’s hard to occupy your mind, requires access to a pool, chlorine, requires knowing how to swim

      Dance
      Pros: good for fitness, a huge variety of styles/types, focusing on technique/choreo occupies your mind, adult beginner classes are a lot more common now
      Cons: studios/teachers vary A Lot, requires some prior knowledge and training to just do independent practice

      (I do colorguard, which is like a subset of both dance and marching band that involves throwing flags and mock rifles/sabres in the air- unfortunately that’s not easy/is kinda dangerous to pick up without instruction)

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    2. H.Regalis*

      Hula hooping.

      Pros: it doesn’t require a lot of equipment. You can get a weighted hoop for cheap, and most of them come apart so you can pack them in a suitcase if you wanted to for traveling. If you don’t remember how to hoop, it’s surprisingly easy to learn again. You can do it at home or outside. You can do it while watching tv or listening to books or podcasts. It’s one of the few cardio workouts I’ve found that primarily works your core.

      Cons: You do need a bit of space around you to hoop. If you try to teach yourself hooping tricks, do it outside or else you’ll break a bunch of stuff.

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    3. Rara Avis*

      Strangely enough for someone who had a hate/hate relationship with dance when I was younger, Zumba (at my local YMCA). The teachers I’ve had are so peppy and encouraging; bodies of all shapes and sizes; a sense of community that encourages me to show up every week; easy to modify when the knees just won’t.

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    7. ronda*

      yoga and water aerobics

      water works cause I hate being hot and it is good for that. I also am not self motivated, so need a leader, so a class works best for me.

      yoga- I like how the stretching feels. I dont really do the energetic ones, but those kind are available too.

      picked a 3rd floor apartment so I do more stairs. — not that I enjoy it, but it is built in the I need to do it.

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    8. allx*

      I like rebounding (mini-trampoline). I have a Bellicon rebounder which I love because it is quiet. It has shock cord type springs rather than metal coils so no annoyoing squeaking. It is easy on the joints and actually fun. How hard or easy it is depends on you, and there are lots of videos for different kinds of workouts. I also second the hula-hoop recommendation. I have a knobby weighted hoop which kind of hurts to use at first but is a great mid-section workout. I can do about 20 minutes with it. There are some fascinating videos of very talented hoopers.

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    9. Not your typical admin*

      My husband and I have been trying to increase our steps. My goal is 10,000 a day, his is 20,000. For him especially, the key has been to keep moving during normal activities. If he has a phone call to make, he’ll walk on a walking pad or in our neighborhood, park at the end of a parking lot, even walking around the house during a commercial if he’s watching tv. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it adds up.

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    10. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I’ve focused on doing stuff I enjoy with a manageable commitment. For me that means one 1-hour yoga class and 30 minutes in the pool most weeks, plus my usual walking to work + activities and errands. I’m not necessarily trying to increase the frequency or intensity, I’m just sticking with moving my body in ways I enjoy. Neither of those are too podcast-friendly but I find a good yoga class does keep my mind occupied with the movements, so that takes me out of my head, and with swimming I often get into a meditative state of counting my strokes, plus some subtle people watching of the other swimmers!

      In the winter I add cross country skiing and skating, and in the summer biking when it’s not too hot.

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    11. Crashing into middle age*

      “Enjoy” may be overstating it, but I like the free workouts on the Nike Training App. It can be an easy, low barrier way into exercise because you don’t have to plan anything. There are quite a few that don’t require any weights/ equipment.

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    12. But what to call me?*

      Rollerblading, if you have a smooth, wide path nearby. It’s not much fun on a narrow and/or bumpy sidewalk or one with too many streets in the way, but if you can find a place with room to spread your legs it’s lots of fun to glide along with music or a podcast. It works a *lot* of the muscles in your legs without really trying to, and it’s fun to go faster than running while being gentler than running (no high-impact unless you trip and impact the ground). I keep my rollerblades in my car trunk (except during hot, smelly summer) along with a helmet and long socks to make it easy to stop in at a nearby bike path whenever I have time. I have to make it very easy to start exercising or I’ll use the effort of collecting my equipment as an excuse to never get around to doing it.

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  8. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I’ve been playing the video game Unicorn Overlord, which is kind of anime style strategy RPG. I have a feeling it will feel a bit longer than I’d like for an idea game, but I’m having fun figuring it out.

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  9. New computer blues*

    I’m feeling pretty disappointed by the Asus Zenbook 13″ laptop that I just got. For one thing, a 13″ screen is really too small (my old laptop is 14″), and the text resolution is not very good for a low-vision user. I’m about ready to return it. I wonder how long I should give it to see if I can tolerate it, within the 30-day return window. If you’ve been unhappy with a new device, did you decide quickly that it wasn’t working for you or did you try to adapt to it for a week or two?

    Reply ↓
    1. hummingbird*

      Is there a particular reason why you went with this laptop+smaller screen? Otherwise, I’d return it sooner than later.

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    2. WellRed*

      Return it. I’m unhappy with the laptop I bought a year ago (screen too big ha ha) and have rarely used it since because I just don’t like it. I was in a hurry and had a limited budget.

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  10. Cat vs. Plants*

    I inherited an elderly relative’s cat – kitty is 2 years old and I love him. But he loves my plants too much! I have several airplane plants and kitty won’t stop biting them. The plants are hiding in my laundry room, under a fluorescent light and behind a closed door.
    Is there anything I can put on them that won’t hurt them or kitty but will discourage him from chewing on them? Are the plants doomed to live out their days in the laundry room?
    Any help would be very much appreciated!

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    3. H.Regalis*

      My cat went for my aloe plant, which is not good for cats. My new apartment has ceiling hooks someone put in ages ago for plants. I got some hanging baskets at a resale shop and that has been the perfect solution. I can water the plants without getting on a ladder and they are away from feline chompers.

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    7. Aphrodite*

      I have three cats who will NOT leave any living plant alone except, for a reaso I cannot figure out, those supermarket orchids. My years of experience with cats and plants is this: either the plants will kill the cats or the cats will kill the plants. After watching three Boston ferns die from their attentions, I gave up and now have a thriving garden on my front porch. Nothing inside except three faux plants/flowers.

      I liike to hang out on home decor forums like Houzz and it always amuses and irritates me to see some pros put down not just faux plants but those who would have them. I take time to pooint out that while real plants are wonderful, those with young kids, cats and maybe dogs may not be able to have them for safety reasons.

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    8. Sloanicota*

      You’re not going to like it but the only thing that’s ever worked for me is to put the plants under glass, like a terrarium – if you have an aquarium turned upside down or a giant indoor glass greenhouse, perhaps that’s an option. Even then it has to be rather well secured and lidded.

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    9. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

      My previous cat, indoor only, adored her pot of cat grass and sometimes just sniffed it and sometimes ate it as a digestive, and sometimes ate it to help throw up a fur ball. I had two pots of it and just changed them around each week so they had a week off outside to recover in the sunshine.
      So you could experiment with his own plant, see if that meets his needs! I also brought the catnip/mint pot in for her occasionally too, as opposed to just giving her a few leaves, she liked that.

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    10. LemonTaffy*

      my thoughts: get another cat to redirect kitty’s young-cat energy, set up cat-tv (birdfeeder), and get nontoxic plants just in case

      Reply ↓
  11. Forested*

    yarn folks! what are you working on?

    I’m crocheting a granny square blanket out of these tiny, weird little acrylic skeins from Amazon a friend got for Christmas and didn’t need because she’s a prolific knitter. it’s been a good distraction the last few weeks.

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    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I currently have a sock and a sweater on needles, and am debating whether I’m going to take my spinner on my business trip this upcoming week because if I do I need to prep a wad of fluff.

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    2. Evvy*

      I am working on learning to crochet “interlocking patches” (by Steven – there’s a whole website for them) that produce a sort of granny-square-sized thing with a design on it. The ones I’m working on are all animals. I love them — I’m trying to get into visible mending and I think these would be perfect to patch some of my holey shirts, if I can get good enough at making them!

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    3. Six Feldspar*

      I’m psyching myself up to knit my first pair of socks, but for now I’m knitting more little prawns to use up the rest of the embroidery floss!

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      1. RLC*

        I had never heard of knitted prawns, of course had to look them up and Oh! So cute! Of course at our house they’d be confined to the safety of a latched glass cabinet else they would disappear into the clutches of kitty paws.

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    4. Anon Poster*

      I’ve recently gotten very into knitting. I learned how to knit about a decade ago and didn’t stick with it, but now I’m finding it really fun and soothing. I’ve finished a few small projects and am tempted to try a beginner sweater. Can anyone suggest a decent yarn to attempt a first sweater with that I can get at a Joann or a Hobby Lobby? I know a locally-owned yarn store would be a better choice, but I’m almost three hours away from the closest one to me on Google Maps. I’ll be willing to drive the distance and pay yarn store prices when I’m more confident in my skills, but for a first attempt that I’m definitely going to mess up a whole lot and probably never actually wear, I’d like to keep it more budget-friendly.

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      1. Six Feldspar*

        Depends on the pattern gage for the yarn thickness you’d need, but I’d look for a colour that you like that’s not too fibrous. Mohair for example is an absolute PITA to unravel so definitely pick something easy to undo for your first jumper!

        (And for the record it took me four (4) tries to get the neck on my first jumper right, it’s a learning curve for sure…)

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  13. The Dude Abides*

    Need recs for a new smartwatch/fitness tracker!

    After yet another FitBit going kaput, I’m ready to move on to a different brand. I’ve never had one last more than 15 months – FitBit has been good about sending a replacement, but I’m off them at this point.

    I don’t necessarily need a smartwatch, just a durable, affordable device that can help me track what I need for fitness (distance, heart rate, etc).

    Reply ↓
    1. Six Feldspar*

      Ymmv, but I’ve just bought an old fashioned stopwatch to track my walk/jog cycles because I got so sick of squinting at the fitbit screen…

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    2. hummingbird*

      Not sure how good the distance/step tracking is* but what about Oura ring? Expensive however you can use health funds.

      *I either use my Garmin when I run or use Strava when I walk the dog.

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      1. The Dude Abides*

        Ring is a no go – I play pickup basketball 3x/week, and I need to know if I’m getting my heart rate as high as I want (ideal is 160-170bpm at peak).

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    3. LemonTaffy*

      wow, my Fitbit is going on 7 years this year! either you have just been really unlucky, or you really need something that can take the punishment

      Reply ↓
  14. Not Quite Good Enough for the Joys thread!*

    I have friends who lost their home in the Altadena (California) wildfires. One of their neighbors (who also lost his home) set up a go fund me page for them. Of course I made a donation, but I want to say that I am very happy that so many other people have made donations to my friends. They are very close to meeting the goal that was set for them. I just find it so very touching. It kind of makes me feel a bit verklempt.

    Reply ↓
    1. WoodswomanWrites*

      I don’t know anyone personally affected, but I’ve been touched by how many GoFundMe posts have been come my way for Altadena residents. These are coming from people who are personally vetting each one, just to be helpful overall. I wish I could contribute more than my small amount.

      Reply ↓
  15. Falling Diphthong*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    I watched Back in the Game, about spies who retired to have a family and get pulled back in when they are recognized. Good action pieces and fight choreography, linked by the most by-the-books script written by a committee. It’s not trying to be anything better than a generic action spy movie, and succeeds at that.

    Reply ↓
    1. goddessoftransitory*

      I just started My Life is Murder and am enjoying the Lucy Lawless goodness! My favorite parts so far:

      Great chemistry with the characters
      A cat keeps wandering into her apartment to hang out and she cuddles and schmoopie talks him in silly voices
      She speaks German
      All the men on the show are at least momentarily dazzled by her beauty/confidence and that she is not 23 years old is of absolutely no import!

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    2. Charlotte Lucas*

      Just finished Season 1 of The Great. Really well done, but a bit stressful to watch this month.

      Rewatching The Librarians, which is a great comfort watch.

      Have also been making my way through all of Star Trek: Voyager, which I only watched sporadically back when it was first aired. DS9 is still my favorite ST series.

      I’m all caught up on Harry Wild, and Jane Seymour is wonderful in it, but so is the rest of the cast.

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    3. fallingleavesofnovember*

      My husband and I have been watching Boardwalk Empire and I’m enjoying it, but definitely one of those shows where all of the characters are deeply flawed (in the actively murdering or going along with murder sort of way) and so I don’t even know who I rooting for…which isn’t necessary for me in a show, but I’m not sure how I feel about another few seasons with these characters…

      Reply ↓
    4. CTT*

      I saw One Of Them Days tonight, and a fun time was had by all. They really don’t make enough movies like that anymore.

      Reply ↓
  16. Shiny Penny*

    Does anyone have any recommendations about where to buy N-95 masks that are *for sure* authentic?
    I learned about the organization “Project N-95” here, on one of the AAM weekend threads (huge thanks to whoever mentioned them!). It was such a relief to be able to buy through them, and stop worrying about counterfeit masks. Sadly, Project N-95 shut down a couple years ago, feeling their job was done because covid had gotten under control.
    I still need a safe source of good masks, though, and my family is getting too close to the end of our stock.
    Any ideas on good sources?

    Reply ↓
    1. Brave Little Roaster*

      I buy KN-95s from Bona Fide masks. They have different colors and a few different sizes and styles.

      Reply ↓
    2. Hope this helps*

      There seems to be a project N-95 website with links to where you can buy masks that they had vetted during Covid. Otherwise reputable retailers like CVS. And 3M seems to have links to where you can buy there products. So check the manufacturers’ web sites for the masks you have now.

      Reply ↓
      1. WoodswomanWrites*

        Yes, I used to get my masks from the Project N-95 website and they still list referrals to reputable sources.

        Reply ↓
    3. Derivative Poster*

      I buy KF94 masks (the South Korean equivalent) from Kollecte USA, a website that specializes in Korean products. Back in 2021 or thereabouts, I read an interview with someone who tested masks, and he said in his experience the KF94s were much less likely to be counterfeit.

      Reply ↓
      1. Middle Aged Lady*

        I have been using KF94 masks as well, and I find they are very comfortable. I also like that they come with a sleeve you can put the mask back in when not wearing it, and mine came with a little hook you could use to hold the mask on, which kept my ears from getting sore.

        Reply ↓
    4. Isabel Archer*

      During the pandemic I did the research and bought masks from Aegle. I bought direct from them, but can’t find their website now. Their masks seem to be available from a lot of vendors now, including AMZ, but I definitely preferred buying direct to avoid knockoffs and straight-up fraud products.

      Reply ↓
  17. Valancy Stirling*

    Procrastination thread! What, if anything, are you hoping to do this weekend?

    I’m moving tomorrow, and I want to try to bring some semblance of order to my new apartment.

    Reply ↓
    2. WoodswomanWrites*

      I’m going to dive into the clutter that accumulated over a period of time when I was not attentive to it because I was sick, traveling on weekends, and sick again. It’s amazing how quickly that one thing you set down to deal with later becomes a pile.

      Reply ↓
  18. Six Feldspar*

    What are your favourite music videos?

    I love:
    – Here It Goes Again by Ok Go (treadmills!)
    – Thriller by Michael Jackson (needs no introduction)
    – Corner Of My Sky by Kelly Lee Owens (man vs magical toaster)
    – I Want To Break Free by Queen (get it stuck in my head whenever I vacuum)

    Reply ↓
    1. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I am not a big music video person, but here are two I have enjoyed in recent years (also both great artists):
      – The Staves, Black and White (news reporters who are a couple and they are fighting in between being on camera)
      – Orla Gartland, Zombie (she hunts zombies who are basically men out of touch with their feelings)

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    2. Charlotte Lucas*

      Take on Me – a-ha
      Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper (honestly, all her videos are good)
      Don’t Answer Me – Alan Parsons Project
      Girlfriend – Matthew Sweet

      The second two, I like the songs fine but especially like the videos.

      Reply ↓
    3. goddessoftransitory*

      Take On Me by A-Ha (still one of the best videos ever made)
      Losing My Religion by REM
      Thriller by Michael Jackson (genuine cultural phenomenon at this point)

      I will undoubtedly think of more around 2 am…

      Reply ↓
    8. The Dude Abides*

      Hellraiser – Motörhead
      Rock the Casbah – The Clash
      Enjoy the Silence – Depeche Mode
      Clint Eastwood – Gorillaz

      Reply ↓
  20. goddessoftransitory*

    Combo reading/viewing question:

    What’s the oddest/most memorable reading rabbit hole you’ve gone down after watching a show/movie/documentary?

    Off the top of my head, mine would be reading The King in Yellow after watching season one of True Detective, and Nabokov’s Pale Fire after Bladerunner 2024. It can be watching a movie version of X and then checking out the source material or more esoteric paths!

    Reply ↓
    1. Charlotte Lucas*

      I saw the Dateline about the Betsy Faria case, then read Bone Deep, then watched The Thing About Pam, which brought me full circle. Highly recommend the book to get all the nuances

      Reply ↓
  21. Rara Avis*

    A question for the cat people of AAM: we have a cat who is absolutely terrified of being picked up. When we first got her two years ago (at the age of 9 months) she was so scared of the world that she was cuddly. But as she got braver, she got more independent. She will allow petting on her own terms, mainly coming to ask for affection when I’m sitting at the kitchen table. But any move in her direction (even just walking down the hall when she’s out and about) sends her scurrying for a hiding place. For a while I tried to pick her up occasionally when I had no nefarious purpose, but she hated it so much that now she only gets caught for flea treatments and nail trimmings. And that involves pulling her out from one of her hiding places, while she pees like a toad fending off a predator.

    All that for context. She has her annual vet visit tomorrow. Got a call from the office today asking if we wanted to come down today to get Gabapentin to calm her down for the appointment, because evidently the vet noted it in her chart last year. There’s no way I could have gotten to the office before it closed on a couple of hours’ notice on a work day. So they gave me a kind of snarky warning that if they can’t do what they need to do, we’ll have to reschedule the appointment and bring her back with the meds onboard.

    The thing is, she isn’t dangerous or bitey. Just terrified and squirmy, so her claws can be an issue when she clings for dear life. But isn’t that part of veterinary medicine, dealing with scared animals? And we’ve always helped hold her still on the examination table. The way I remember the conversation last year is that the vet mentioned Gabapentin as an option if we wanted to lessen her stress level, not because he and the vet techs couldn’t handle her.

    So I guess the question is, is the med no big deal and I should plan on doing it for future appointments? And if they ask me to pay for a second appointment, can I argue (without being an asshole client) that they should have given me the information with more lead time? This appointment was scheduled almost a month ago.

    Reply ↓
    1. WS*

      I have a cat who took three years to get used to being picked up and she’s still not fond of it. Gabapentin is not a big deal, makes it less traumatic for the cat (so she doesn’t fear the vet as much in future) and if it works, yes, do it again.

      The short notice is not great, though.

      Reply ↓
  22. Not your typical admin*

    We’ve had our first warm spell, so I’m planning for spring planting and looking for recommendations for plants that grow well in baskets. We have a wooden privacy fence all around our backyard and I’m thinking about attaching some baskets to add some decoration and color

    Reply ↓
  23. a Windows 11 question*

    I’ve started using Windows 11 and this one thing is bugging me (really various things are bugging me about this OS but this one in particular…)

    There’s a colored strip partway across the top of MS folders and all the way across the top of Word documents. I’m assuming that this is a Microsoft design decision, not one made by the laptop maker. The problem is that the strip is the same color as the background that I selected for the home screen. I’m frequently trying to move a document or a folder using what I think is that top strip but no, my cursor is a bit further up and is on the background.

    Is there a way to change the color of that strip? Or does anyone know what it’s called so I can google this? So far my attempts have brought up answers that were not relevant.

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  24. Poppy Flower*

    Been really down in the dumps about the state of the world. I saw a post online about someone saying they don’t know how to go on when they’ve realized how little empathy humans have for each other. I’m normally someone who can pick myself up, find the bright side of a bad situation, hold onto hope in the worst of times. But that post has been weighing on my mind for days.

    I love to volunteer so I’m usually surrounded by people who are willingly spending their free time and overflowing with empathy. That puts me in a good mood. But then I go to my local grocery store where either an employee or another shopper is always there at the same time as me, because I can easily recognize a car with a huge sticker in the windshield that says “don’t touch my car, I have security cameras, I hate sharing the road with you all” only with a couple actual swear words. I can’t remember the last time I time I shopped that I didn’t see that car there.

    I’ve always tried to hold onto “the world is a good place with load spots of bad” but lately it feels like “the world is a bad place with few and far between spots of good”. How do you go on with life and find joy in things?

    Reply ↓
    1. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

      I have a personal project this year to acknowledge and if possible praise a stranger every day, so far so good ! I have been focusing on women apparently over retirement age (like me) and mothers in general. For the older women I will say in passing for example what a fantastic coloured shirt they are wearing, or isn’t it great to be out having coffee, and for the mothers I will tell them what lovely parenting they are doing in some way.
      Recently I said to someone “What a fancy coat!” And she said “Look! It’s reversible! And you can put your hands in the pockets from either side!” We agreed this was very impressive.
      So that’s one low key way to notice other people and by acknowledging them maybe give their mood a little spark.

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    2. Aphrodite*

      I refuse to succumb to that way of thinking and acting. And I find the more I practice it, the easier it becomes to hang onto it. I designed special thank you business-type cards that thanks people for doing their job and encourages them to remember that they are who they think they are. It brings so much joy to those who get them; it also brings me immense joy.

      There is a lot of meanness in the world and it seems to be getting more so. But those who want to dwell in it, l8ke the owner of the car you mentioned don’t bother me much any more. I just shrug and let them live their angry, bitter lives. I can and do ignore all the toxicity at the commnity college where I work because the postive thinking is becoming a bit like a duck’s feather, able to slough off so much of it.

      I subsscribe to two kind of positive things that always cheer and inform me: TUT The Universe and Becoming Minimalist.

      I find that in deterining what kind of life I wanted to have that I could control my own reactions so much better. What I cannot control or fix or help I ignore. I make my own corner of the world better. And I will tell you that I find it feels to good to not care where I cannot.

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    3. LemonTaffy*

      I feel that way at times too. I try to limit my exposure to the bad stuff and purposefully increase my exposure to the good stuff. I do self-care. I am working on improving my social life. i’ve cut out people who aren’t good for me and I’ve set boundaries for my interactions with people who I need or want to interact with who aren’t very healthy (hello mom and dad)! I try to increase the good in the world when I can- I volunteer with a TNR organization for cats, I play in a community orchestra, I listen to my coworkers’ troubles without judgement, I donate to organizations whose work I believe in and who also can advocate for my concerns, and I leave positive comments only on socials. I call out injustices when i can. I practice letting go of controlling other people to make myself feel better and instead look inward to see what I can do for me. I find my community to know I’m not alone.

      Is this always 100% successful? No. It is a lot of the time though. But giving up in the ultimate defeat way is the worst way to approach this because that only guarantees more bad. If i’m here and you’re here and others are here who are empathic and feel compassion we make the world better, just by being in it and living.

      I think it was Ghandi who said, “be the change you want to see.”

      there’s a lot more I could say, but I hope that helps. thank you for being another beacon of light!

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    4. Middle Aged Lady*

      Taking a break from the news helps me. They aren’t likely to report on the person who rescued a puppy, the friend who brought another friend dinner after surgery, the med student who’s studying late into the night so she can save lives, the teacher who encouraged a student, the neighbor who picks up trash on his daily walk. It does look grim out there sometimes. But most people are good, just going about their lives, loving each other. Even if they are misguided sometimes.
      When I turn on the tap, there is water. That means all the people at the waterworks are on the job. When I go to the store, there is food. And so on. Don’t lose heart! Think of all the lovely people on this message string.

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    5. But what to call me?*

      Mostly I’ve settled on “the world is neither good nor bad, just a place with lots of potential for both.” I do what I can to nudge it toward the good while giving myself permission to enjoy the good in my own life, because me being miserable isn’t going to do a thing to help solve anyone’s problems. I don’t always succeed at that, but part of it is giving myself permission to be happy while problems still exist. It can seem almost irresponsible or disrespectful to do that, but it’s really not. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to be upset about it, either. That’s a perfectly reasonable response to terrible things happening and to so many people showing the worse side of human nature all at once. It’s just that getting stuck there isn’t helpful, so therefore letting yourself set the problems aside sometimes and enjoy things isn’t failing to be helpful.

      And the world isn’t universally awful, any more than it’s universally good. Neither are people. Any statement about people being mostly good or mostly bad has a million counterexamples. Humans do have empathy and can sometimes behave very selflessly, but at the same time we’re bad at imagining what it’s like to be someone else, are easily convinced of things we don’t know much about by people we think are on our side, and are prone to retreating back to looking out only for our own short-term self-interest when we think something threatening (or just threatening to our egos) is going on. We are both. We can be nudged to behave one way or the other. Unfortunately, the nudges toward the bad side are going strong at the moment, but that doesn’t mean bad is all we are.

      Reply ↓
  25. Anonymous Cat*

    I turned on Windows Spotlight on my computer and now get a new background photo every day. Sometimes I get one that’s especially cool and I’d like to keep it up for a few days.

    Is there a way to save them? I tried looking for an answer but all the help is about changing the background photo instead of keeping it.

    Reply ↓

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