I’m sick of being tokenized on International Women’s Day

by Alison Green on March 6, 2025

A reader writes:

I work for a large company that has several locations all over North America, and every year they have presentations that celebrate International Women’s Day. Sounds great – but in my office I am the only woman, and every year I find it incredibly awkward. We watch a presentation and then have a discussion. At some point, someone looks to me and says, “Jane, would like to comment?” I say something like how sometimes it can be difficult, etc.

I am a confident, 51-year-old woman but I’m torn. I feel like I should embrace the presentation but I can’t help feeling like I’m under a giant flashing neon “WOMAN” sign. There’s no getting out of it so I’d love to hear how you would handle this.

I answer this question — and three others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

  • Is it ever okay to lose it with an annoying coworker?
  • Is liking a competitor’s post on LinkedIn a cardinal sin?
  • Can I ask managers for their references?
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{ 70 comments }

{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Employed Minion*

    I imagine you know in advance when these presentations are scheduled. I suggest just taking the day off

    Reply ↓
    1. RedinSC*

      This is exactly what I was thinking. Take a vacation day or perhaps you’re sick that day – sick of being tokenized.

      Reply ↓
    2. But not the Hippopotamus*

      Hang up a sec. That effectively penalize her for being a woman as she will have one less day to use as she otherwise would. Maybe I’m sensitive to that right now as my bank of leave is very low after getting the flu, but if I felt I had to use it just to prevent feeling tolenized, I would resent it even more.

      Reply ↓
    3. Disappointed with the Staff*

      Suggest to the company that in honour of IWD they give their women staff the day off?

      Reply ↓
  2. JustMyImagination*

    Petty me would want to answer “blah blah blah, that’s just my perspective though so would love to hear from other women…”

    Reply ↓
    1. Rusty Shackelford*

      I like this. “Oh, I don’t want to hog the floor. Let’s let one of the other women say something.”

      Reply ↓
      1. Keyboard Cowboy*

        I love that. I was going to say “I think it’s weird that every year I’m the only person who seems appropriate to ask. Do we think that’s a problem?” but this is so much more clever.

        Reply ↓
        1. duinath*

          I would be so tempted to say something like “you know, in this day and age, you almost have to put in real deliberate work in order to have only one woman at any given workplace.”

          Negative: this will not be good for your relationship with your boss or coworkers.
          Positive: chances they’ll ask you to talk about this in front of your peers again? Low.

          Reply ↓
      3. Aggretsuko*

        Love this.

        Women’s Day has never been celebrated anywhere I’ve ever seen except in library book displays.

        Reply ↓
    2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      My thought would be to bring a tablet. When asked, “let me check my notes…nope. nothing has changed since you asked me last year.”

      Reply ↓
  3. Miss Chanandler Bong*

    My company does a company-wide holiday for International Women’s Day and we get a day off.

    Ya know, that’s the way we really ought to be celebrated, lol.

    Reply ↓
    2. Tau*

      It’s actually a state-level holiday where I am, which is very cool even if we’re missing out this year due to it being on a weekend. (Not in the US.)

      Reply ↓
          1. I take tea*

            And I’ve read that the International Men’s Day is googled far, far more around 8th of March than in November. Probably exactly because of this kind of comment.

            Reply ↓
    3. Grenelda Thurber*

      Now that’s the best celebration I’ve heard of, time off! I truly loath the “events” and “all team meetings.” To me, they’re just virtue signaling theater. If someone is really leaning in, maybe we’ll get some power point slides adorned with pink accents. And who puts these events together? Most likely a woman or a group of women. I almost always skip them. I’ve got work to do.

      Reply ↓
    1. LaminarFlow*

      I just went through a similar situation with an internal role that I was interested in. The hiring manager actually had me attend their weekly touch-base meeting (meant to be very informal, and a company-wide practice that every team does). I was really shocked at the level of micromanagement that the manager had during this meeting. Basically, team members aren’t allowed to ask questions or converse about anything that isn’t submitted to the agenda 72 hours before the meeting. This practice is the exact opposite of the intended nature of this meeting, and a total 180 from any weekly touch-base that I have been part of in my 5 years at this company. There were other micro-managey things I picked up on, and I withdrew from the hiring process.

      Reply ↓
  5. E*

    At a former company, they celebrated Women in Construction Week by having a lunch. They only invited the women in the office, who all work in accounting and HR. Those are perfectly fine jobs performed by great employees, but are jobs done in all industries and are frequently held by women anyway. Not invited – the women at the company who actually held construction specific positions (foreman, equipment operators, laborers, etc) who numbered about 25 out of 300 employees.

    Reply ↓
    3. Sharpie*

      To me, the title Women in Construction implies the women on site. And very much NOT those in the office.

      My flabber, it is gasted

      Reply ↓
      1. E*

        Yes, the idea is focus on specific needs (like extra field restrooms or woman specific PPE), challenges in working environment and recruitment of women to traditionally male jobs – trades people, engineers, project management, estimating, C suite.

        Reply ↓
      2. Paint N Drip*

        as a ‘woman in the office’ in a male-dominated industry, totally agree – I would love to come and SUPPORT these women in the field, but that event should not be for people like me

        Reply ↓
    4. spcepickle*

      I am a women working in construction and this feels on brand. Because I could see them inviting me, but I would be working nights, or have a really important concrete pour, or be on a job site 6 hours from where they picked lunch. I would then get some snarky comments on how I didn’t appreciate the work they were doing to appreciate me because I was busy doing my job and couldn’t show up for lunch.

      Side note – I just this week made a big deal to the very high up person about how if they wanted women to feel like they belonged we needed safety gear that fit women.

      Reply ↓
      2. Dinwar*

        I’m someone who’s got to get safety equipment, and fairly often for women. Can you expand on the “safety gear that fit[s] women” thing? I’ve only heard this complaint once–someone with REALLY small hands, and we didn’t have nitrile gloves that fit, which we immediately corrected. If there’s some other advice, I for one would love to hear it.

        Reply ↓
        1. Bella Ridley*

          I haven’t worked on construction sites, but safety equipment not designed for a female form will sometimes force the load-bearing components, if there are some, somewhere uncomfortable for a female body.

          I’ve seen a lot of small women who find that things like a OSFA glove is too big, but even an “adult small” is too big and ends up causing them to lose dexterity with too much fabric at the fingertips. Helmet sizing is also a problem, because even with adjustable helmets you can usually only tighten them so much before it compromises the actual safety of the helmet. Coveralls too can be a problem, where a OSFA or “small” ends up being cut for a typical small man but might not comfortably fit a woman of the same approximate height but similar dimension. I’ve also seen women who struggle with footwear that comes in the appropriate sizing but meets whatever requirements for safety are needed.

          Reply ↓
        2. Ace in the Hole*

          I’m in a somewhat different field (garbage and hazmat), but still male dominated. I ordered PPE for my org for about 10 years. A few of the issues I encountered:

          – Work gloves (cut resistant, insulated, abrasion resistant, etc) were difficult to find in small sizes. I have larger than average hands for a woman and I often needed a size Small. My petite coworkers were just out of luck.

          – Hi-viz vests too long, so they got caught on stuff all the time. The “small” vests were actually LONGER than the “medium” vests. Manufacturer said they did this to get the required sq inches of reflective material. Instead of, like, adding an extra stripe or something. Had to order a women’s-specific fit that cost 2x as much.

          – Safety eyewear, face shields, and muffs that are too wide for the head so they won’t sit securely no matter how they’re adjusted.

          – Chemical protective coveralls have sleeves and legs that are way too long (especially bad in types with integrated feet). This gets in the way of work, creates trip hazard, and makes it more likely to get torn from catching on things. Made worse because they’re made for proportionally narrower hips, so women usually have to size up to get enough room in the hips and just deal with tons of extra material at the shoulders/armpits getting in the way

          – Chest straps on fall harnesses don’t sit right on a large bust. Can cause painful pinching/pressure (I know the gents have their own problems in a different region!), but also can interfere with getting a proper fit.

          – Fall harnesses are usually too big to fit securely on a small woman.

          – Very limited selection of safety footwear in women’s sizes, especially the smaller end

          – Weight of helmets causing neck issues or headaches in smaller workers. We switched them from full-brim to ballcap style (a few oz. lighter) and the problems went away.

          – Knee and elbow pads won’t adjust tight enough

          Reply ↓
      3. Mutually Supportive*

        There’s a big campaign about this in the industry in the UK. There is some progress, but it’s slower than it should be. You can buy PPE for pregnancy now too but it’s very expensive.

        Reply ↓
    5. Archi-detect*

      If I had to take a cynical guess, they also wanted to use it for social media, and didnt want any ‘manly’ women with muscle and/or tattoos.

      Reply ↓
    6. Ellis Bell*

      WTAF. Do they think it’s “Women doing What We Consider Appropriate Work for Women Day”? You’ve got to wonder what the office staff made of it themselves.

      Reply ↓
      1. E*

        They thought it was great, but this was also a group that loved Admin Day. I wasn’t invited either (female estimator) but I was offsite that day and would’ve found a reason to avoid anyway. At the time I was the only woman in the office that wasn’t in accounting or HR.

        Reply ↓
  6. MyStars*

    “Would you like to comment?”

    “Yes. Next year, please make sure we have other women in this department to field your questions.”

    Of course, this may be why I don’t get invited many places.

    Reply ↓
  7. Nameless*

    Honestly, if it’s something you think you can get away with, I’d be so tempted to say something like “I get asked this every year, and I’d love it if the company would demonstrate its commitment to women by hiring more of them, so I wasn’t the sole example.” (Also – if you’re an employer in 2025 and there is one woman at a branch… you should be embarrassed by that. Ditto non-white employees.)

    Reply ↓
    2. Texan in Exile*

      “Ditto non-white employees.”

      I worked at a company that had almost no non-white employees. The (female) VP of HR said something in a presentation to my office of 250 people that they really wanted to hire more Black engineers but dang it was just. so. hard. in Wisconsin and Michigan.

      I asked, “What is your HBCU recruiting strategy?”

      My question was sincere, but then she answered, “What’s an HBCU?” and that’s when I knew (I had already suspected) that she was completely unqualified for her job.

      Reply ↓
      1. Boof*

        I think it’s a little unfair to say she is completely unqualified for HR from a single comment – but yes it does sound like she’s pretty ignorant of the strategies that are fairly basic if you’ve made some effort to educate yourself on the topic.

        Reply ↓
      4. Apex Mountain*

        I would not expect an HR person, even the VP, at a 250 person company to have much in the way of an HBCU recruiting strategy. Not that they shouldn’t, but I would not expect it at all

        Reply ↓
    3. Boof*

      NGL this sounds so good… not too salty but yeah, a bit tempting to say the obvious out loud if singled out

      Reply ↓
  8. OrangeCup*

    The only time I was happy to celebrate International Women’s Day was when I was on vacation in Italy and it got me free museum admissions for the day

    Reply ↓
    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      All the other “celebrations” are leaders asking women how they see changing the industry without affecting the incumbent leadership of the industry.

      Reply ↓
  9. Holly Gibney*

    As the token Black woman in OH SO MANY SPACES, I am taking notes right now. What I would like to say going forward is a version of, “I can’t speak for all [Black people or women or both], but right now I feel pressured to. If we had more [Black people or women or both] in this space, you wouldn’t need to ask for our perspective because you’d be hearing more from us overall on a variety of subjects, which would replace the need to seek out our opinion/experience solely on days designated to celebrating our (currently unusual) presence.”

    I’m hoping to go to grad school in the fall at a school that is, unfortunately, not known for its racial diversity, and I suspect the program will try to make me their poster child for marketing purposes. That’s what happened in undergrad, but I was too young to articulate my discomfort (and the fatigue hadn’t set in yet). I’m really hoping I can use this line if I get asked in grad school, and either way, I will 100% be opting out of photo ops etc.! I’m there to learn, not to be paraded as a badge of honor for diversity.

    Reply ↓
  10. Humor Resources*

    Recognition is such an interesting wheel. Protected groups (I am of one myself) go from we want recognition, then start getting the recognition, then don’t want to stand out. It’s a no win game. DEI is absolutely important, but companies should just stick to recognition and inclusivity through action, not once a year days or even months anymore to highlight certain groups.

    Reply ↓
    1. A*

      It’s not recognition most people want, it’s to be paid the same, treated the same, dream of a world where you’re not sure if the way people treat you is because you’re not expressing yourself well or because you look the way you do. You don’t need to be recognized when you’re just another person doing their job and being treated like everyone else.

      For work on diversity there are two strategies—helping URM thrive in the world we have, and changing the world to be fair. Both are valid! Both are useful! But when you’re in an all company presentation it should really be about what the company is doing to change the situation and they don’t need to or put LW on the spot to comment (if they need her input into what needs changing that’s usually a private conversation where they ask for that specifically and give you a chance to brush them off if you’re not comfortable with it)

      If it’s about how URM can thrive that’s not a meeting for the whole company, that’s a meeting for (in this case) women and allies to be invited to, to engage in on their own terms, and to choose when to speak and listen

      It all sounds like a big mess and like they’re not taking seriously how to actually make things better for women in the workforce

      Reply ↓
  11. I should really pick a name*

    As one of the two black people at my company, I’m relieved that they don’t do anything for black history month.

    Reply ↓
  12. Generic Name*

    LW#2 (and I realize this is an old letter) I believe you that you have “equal political capital” at your respective companies, but the optics of a contractor “losing it” with a client is really bad. As in many companies would fire an employee who yelled at a client, regardless of how they were provoked or how annoying the client is.

    Reply ↓
    1. Emily Byrd Starr*

      In addition to what Alison wrote, I’d also add that yelling is only acceptable if you or your co-worker is in danger. For instance, “WATCH OUT!”
      It should go without saying, but there are enough of us neurodivergents who take everything literally that I felt it was worth mentioning.

      Reply ↓
  13. Dinwar*

    #2 depends highly on context. I’ve seen a lot of construction workers, drillers, electricians, equipment operators, and the like communicate at loud volumes–things that would be wildly inappropriate in an office setting–and five minutes later they were laughing and joking. I lost it on one operator once and our relationship actually improved; he took it to mean I had a spine. As a CEO once told me, “Sometimes you gotta talk to ’em in a language they understand.”

    There are also individual relationships to consider. I’m not the only one on my team that works with people specifically because those people will say “You’re a moron, why would you do something this stupid?” Only usually the language is worse. Sometimes you need someone who’s willing to be extremely blunt, to the point of offensiveness; it keeps you in check. On the other hand, I wouldn’t classify those people as annoying; they annoy me, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a productive sort of annoyance, something that needs to happen, and ultimately I’m the problem so really I’m annoyed at myself.

    In general, no, you don’t “lose it” at work. Any work doing requires methodical and systematic thinking, not emotional outbursts. But there are always exceptions.

    Reply ↓
  14. MassMatt*

    Ugh this sort of lip service about diversity while not actually doing anything FOR diversity drives me nuts.

    I worked for a major finance company where it seemed a local religious (+ethnic religious, specifically) college seemed to have an absolute strangle hold on the executive suite. It was a respected college, but the homogeneity was ridiculous.

    Every year at the mandatory meeting at the HQ the C-suite would be onstage and talk about the importance of diversity, oblivious to the fact that every year it was all white, overwhelmingly male, and overwhelmingly from religious/ethnic college.

    Yes, diversity is extremely important, clearly. I mean, they put up posters in break rooms, what more can anyone expect? One of these days maybe they’ll hire a Lutheran.

    Reply ↓
    1. Grenelda Thurber*

      You actually made me laugh out loud. I’m picturing the new Lutheran being introduced at the next diversity meeting. :D

      Reply ↓
  15. Who knows*

    I think Icon For Hire said it best in their song “Now You Know” (other lyrics NSFW):
    “What’s a woman to do–No, scratch that, what’s a HUMAN BEING to do with the fact that what gets us ahead holds us back more? Is a level playing field too much to ask for?”

    Reply ↓
  16. learnedthehardway*

    OP#4 – I would be careful about HOW you ask for further information on a hiring manager. I don’t think asking for references is going to go over well. However, you can definitely say you’d like to speak with people on the team to get a better understanding of the team dynamics and culture.

    You can also ask the hiring manager about what their management style is – so you can get a better sense of whether you will be compatible with each other. Of course, you’ll need to read between the lines and interpret whether their answer is true or if they are just spouting what you expect to hear. You’d be surprised, though, about what people will tell you about themselves.

    Reply ↓
  17. JP*

    The marketing person for our company used to compile the internal head shots of all women who worked for the company into one picture and post it on LinkedIn for Women’s Day. Also tagged us all on the post. It really, really bothered me, to the extent that I deactivated my LinkedIn account. Luckily, our new marketing person doesn’t make those kinds of posts, and actually asks our permission before posting.

    Part of me feels like I overreacted to the situation, but it just hit the wrong nerve with me in a way that I always struggled to articulate.

    Reply ↓
    1. metadata minion*

      Uggggh, yeah. And not to derail from the issues this causes for actual women, but in a group large enough, there’s a strong chance that at least one of those “women” they’re tokenizing isn’t even a woman! At the university I work at, some (mostly non-US) students give out carnations to women for International Women’s Day, and it’s always so weird to thread that needle of “ok, you’re half my age and your heart’s in the right place, so I don’t want to be too harsh given the power differential, but a) this is very weird, and b) I’m nonbinary so this is just another reminder that I’m apparently indelibly Girl-Shaped(TM)”.

      Reply ↓
      1. Paralegally Blonde*

        I am both “Girl-Shaped(TM)” and female and would still find this extremely awkward. I’m sorry you’re in this position. It’s as bad as the kids at church handing all the women flowers on Mother’s Day because we are all allegedly in a mothering role to someone, even if it’s not our own children. What a kick in the teeth to the childless-by-choice and a dagger to the heart for those of us who would have chosen children but couldn’t. Can you skip work, or at least the quad, that day like I skip church on Mother’s Day?

        Reply ↓
  18. Numbat*

    Yesterday I led a small but mighty rebellion during a patronising IWD Teams event to get the issue of our shitty, inaccessible “parenting room” escalated and dealt with properly. It felt amazing. Never seen so much achieved via Teams chat.

    Reply ↓
  19. Delight Lucas*

    My reply to “Would you like to say anything?”, would be along the line of “I think I’ll save my comments for our ‘International Men’s Day’ presentations and celebration.”

    A single “Woman’s Day” is demeaning and sexist.

    Reply ↓

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