my coworker’s constant babbling is drowning me in info, and my boss won’t help

by Alison Green on April 21, 2025

A reader writes:

I’m an admin in a small office, with a centrally located desk. One of my coworkers, Miranda, literally never stops talking. I counted for a while and she averages two major interruptions per hour, mostly extended monologues about personal minutiae, intimate relationship problems, or absolute and total nonsense.

Basically, her entire internal monologue is externalized at all times. She announces everything she’s doing. She tells me long stories about how she managed things like “loaning her bike to someone” or “changing the exact location of her keys” that follow the entire storyline of the item through all its moves over a period of 24 hours.

She is utterly oblivious to both subtle and direct feedback about this. For example:
Me, doing math: “Sorry I can’t talk right now I have to focus on this.”
Miranda: “Yeah, I know, I’m just going to go to the store because I’m out of groceries and last week my friend came over and ate all my salad and since there’s no salad at the store ever…”

My boss knows this is a problem, and I know his inaction is a problem. I wear headphones a lot, which sucks because I’m also a receptionist.

One of the consequences of this situation is that among all the nonsense are relevant work facts, but because of Miranda’s processes they are only concrete facts 10% of the time and the other 90% they are “in process” work facts, so the details are all subject to change.

My short-term memory cannot function under these conditions. I have ADHD and focusing on my own job is hard enough. It is functionally impossible for me to also absorb this waterfall of constant information, sort through it in real time for the bits that might someday be important to me, record those, and move forward with any kind of larger understanding. It would be an entire job, like one of those movie jobs where a harried assistant follows some crazy magazine editor around managing their constant changes of mind. That’s not my job, I have a job, she does not need an assistant, I am needed elsewhere.

I told my boss recently that given the status quo, I can commit to writing down important information during meetings and keeping my operating system updated with the finalized schedules I’m given, but that I am not able to mentally track any of this, ever. He’ll ask me to remember things from within the week (what day was X going to happen?) and I can’t, not because I’m generally bad at that but because I am constantly overloaded by so much content that it’s impossible to maintain any kind of cognitive clarity. I was told 900 details yesterday and 890 of them were irrelevant nonsense so the 10 good ones randomly mixed in did not stick. Since I can not stop the deluge of mind-numbing, banal storytimes, constantly listening to her entire verbal process is incredibly derailing, and the best I can do is try to work around it is by purging my entire brain at the end of every day in order to live a life of relative sanity. Want info to stop flowing off of me like water off a duck’s back? Get her under control.

Is this a reasonable boundary I’m drawing? It’s an unreasonable situation, I’m actively job hunting, and while I very much like working with my manager I’m aware that he should be doing more about this than he is. Given that he’s unwilling or unable to actually manage Miranda (because as you can guess, her time management skills are appalling and her productivity is often shockingly low), am I doing the right things?

It’s a reasonable boundary to draw, but whether that matters depends on how your boss responded when you laid it out. If he agreed it’s reasonable — and will continue to deem it reasonable the next time you can’t answer a question due to Miranda overload — then sure, maybe this is the best way for you to manage the situation since he won’t manage it himself. But his continued agreement will be key, so you’ll have to see how that plays out.

Meanwhile, though, do your job duties require you to frequently interact with Miranda? If not, would your boss be willing to tell her that she cannot interrupt you during the day, period? Maybe he’s not willing to coach her through how to streamline her communications but would be willing to give her a blanket “you must leave LetterWriter alone.”

If he’s not, do you feel like you have the capital and standing in your workplace (including the backing of your boss if Miranda gets upset) to tell her that yourself — to say, essentially, “I cannot do my job when you come by to talk to me, so you cannot come by anymore”? And to immediately cut her off when she does with, “I can’t work while you’re here, so I need you to leave so I can finish this”?

Ideally, you’d get comfortable being really assertive about cutting her off, in ways that would feel rude if you were doing them to anyone else but which are warranted with her. I’m talking about things like holding up your hand in a visual “stop” motion and saying, “I need you to stop talking because I have to focus on something else” or bluntly saying, ““I need you to stop talking and leave my desk.” Again, that’s going to feel rude, because it would be with someone who wasn’t being so inappropriate themselves.

Consider, too, whether a big-picture conversation with Miranda could help. For example: “I can’t get my job done when you keep coming over to talk to me. It’s making it impossible for me to get my work done, so from now on I need you to send me anything work-related in an email so that I can process it later. That’s the only way I can get my job done.”

Otherwise, though, keep wearing your headphones and when she shows up at your desk to talk, say “can’t talk right now” and just keep working and ignoring her. That’s going to be hard to do! It’s going to feel impolite. It’s also probably your only option.

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{ 270 comments }

{ 270 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Cookie Monster*

    It’s not clear to me if the colleague is coming over her to work or if they just sit near each other to the co-worker is constantly talking to/at her. I assumed it was the latter based on the “centrally located desk” part.

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    1. Dana Lynne*

      This is what I thought too. I don’t think Miranda is coming to stand at LW’s desk. I think the LW can just hear her talking constantly.

      Some of the advice Alison gave won’t work if that is the case.

      I wonder what the other people think who sit nearby, as well. Maybe the LW could talk to them and see what they need or want to do about this???

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      1. Oui oui oui all the way home*

        Ditto. So she unfortunately can’t get results by asking her to stop coming by her desk.

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      2. Princess Sparklepony*

        It sounded to me like Miranda was coming by OP’s desk and standing there and telling her all the stuff in her brain. I don’t think she’s just sitting at her own desk talking to herself. That would be a lot easier to block out – just keep your headphones on. No, it sounds like Miranda is forcing OP to be her audience by directly addressing OP.

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      1. Mongrel*

        I think she’s talking at OP rather than monologuing to thin air, it amounts to the same thing in the end though

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    3. June*

      I straight out had to tell a colleague I couldn’t concentrate with all their talking. It did help. When they tried to bring up personal things, I said I can’t talk. I have to work. Some people need it laid out.

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      1. allathian*

        Yeah, this. I’ve also found that it works better if you’re available to talk with them on at least some of your breaks to show that there’s no personal animosity, just different work preferences. Obviously if they persist in interrupting you, the irritation can develop into personal animosity, but it’s better to try to get the other person to modify their behavior before it goes that far.

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      2. Retired But Still Herding Cats*

        LW did say, “She is utterly oblivious to both subtle and direct feedback about this. For example:
        Me, doing math: ‘Sorry I can’t talk right now I have to focus on this.’”

        It sounds to me like LW has been pretty direct, and it’s been water off a duck’s back.

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  2. Harriet Vane*

    Is Miranda “coming over” to talk to LW? From the way it was described it sounds to me like she’s right there, near the “centrally located” desk, in earshot, all the time.

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    1. Analyst*

      This was my initial read as well, it’s more that Miranda is talking out loud into the room at large. I still think a direct big-picture conversation can be had, but the language needs to change from ‘please stop coming over to my desk’ to something like ‘please keep your internal monologuing…. internal’

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      1. Mentally Spicy*

        It sounds to me like Miranda is specifically targeting the letter writer. They say “She tells ME long stories…” (emphasis mine).

        And this:

        > Me, doing math” “Sorry I can’t talk right now I have to focus on this.”
        Miranda: “Yeah, I know, I’m just going to go to the store because I’m out of groceries and last week my friend came over and ate all my salad and since there’s no salad at the store ever…”

        sounds more like a one to one conversation than a general “announce to the room” thing.

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        1. Jake*

          I was under the impression that they either share one large reception desk, or their desks are very close to each other.

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    2. Yvette*

      I got that impression as well. That she basically just opens her mouth and says whatever pops into her head any given moment, she probably wouldn’t even notice if the OP held up her hand in a stop motion.

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    3. Antilles*

      That’s what it read like to me too. If so, could you bring in a small fan or white noise machine to drown out her background musings? This would let people who actually want to talk to you still come over just by raising their voice a little, but cut out all the background Miranda stream-of-consciousness.

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    4. mysterious and important*

      Yeah, the headphones seem like the most actionable suggestion. Would it possible to get a headset with a mic? I feel like that would read more as “busy admin on duty” than “receptionist with headphones on.”

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      1. LaurCha*

        yes! this! get a headset to plug into the phone. The bigger the ear-coverings the better. If they’re not noise canceling, nobody needs to know that.
        This is only a small part of the solution, but pretending you can’t hear her when the headset is on is going to help.

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      2. HowDoesSheDoItAll?*

        I recently broke down and bought a nicer set of noise-cancelling headphones after struggling with talkative colleagues in an open office. It was the best $260 I ever spent. It really does help if you get a quality pair.

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    5. animaniactoo*

      That was my read also and what I was coming to comment on. I don’t know that this is fixable with “go back to your desk” if “your desk” is within earshot.

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    6. Generic Name*

      I was wondering this as well. If the issue is that LW is subjected to Miranda’s stream of consciousness because their desks are close, one solution could be to request to have Miranda move to be further from the front desk (ideally close to boss’ desk).

      Reply ↓
      1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

        Yeah, I was also wondering if someone could move desks to make this less of a problem, if the boss isn’t prepared to shut this down.

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    7. Coverage Associate*

      I read it the same way. I definitely raise things with my coworkers right by my desk more often than I raise things with coworkers I have to stand up to talk to, but it’s one or two things per day.

      If LW and Miranda’s desks are close, could Miranda’s desk be moved or changed ? (It’s usually harder to move a reception desk, or I would suggest moving LW’s desk.) Maybe even turned in a different direction while staying in the same place?

      Also, could someone ask Miranda to put work related information in writing? That’s pretty normal even in personal relationships, to ask someone to send a text or email of what they have said. I can’t tell if LW is trying to completely tune out Miranda or just can’t remember the work information through all the personal information. If LW does notice when work is mentioned, LW can ask for the writing then. (“Could you please put what you just said about X meeting into an email so I have the details for Y reason?”) If LW tunes Miranda out, that could be part of the talk with Miranda, to put work information in writing. I consider it especially reasonable for a receptionist who has to be able to answer phones and receive visitors and may not be able to handle oral information as soon as LW gets it.

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      1. Hannah Lee*

        “Also, could someone ask Miranda to put work related information in writing?”

        ^ this may help OP with the “my boss asks me stuff and I don’t know the answer because it was buried somewhere under an avalanche of Miranda babbling”. It would change the conversation to boss asking OP something and OP saying “let me check my email to see if Miranda sent me the update on that, oh, here it is” or “Doesn’t look like she’s given an update, do you want me to follow up to have her send you the info you need? (or hey Miranda, can you update BossHere on xyz?)”

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      2. Zombeyonce*

        I was surprised this advice wasn’t in Alison’s response. If LW does have to work with Miranda and can’t ignore the relevant info she (rarely) provides, Miranda should still leave LW alone. All her info that needs to go to the LW should come via email, where it’s a lot harder to justify droning on about nothing.

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    8. Recovering Librarian*

      I worked with someone like this. He wasn’t even talking TO anyone, just vocalizing his stream of consciousness.

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      2. Dust Bunny*

        This is my mom. She will narrate the entirety of whatever she’s doing.

        She will also shut down people who talk too much when she doesn’t feel like hearing it. Ironically.

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      3. Starbuck*

        I also had a supervisor like this once. He’d vocalize regardless of whether he had an audience or not, it was just a constant stream of words, nearly all of them totally inane. He was also really bad about making a point of calling your attention in when he had a specific question or answer for you, so if you did manage to tune him out you’d have to ask him to repeat whatever it was that you missed…. and he was never concise.

        He was infamous in the workplace for this, it was a known thing and you got everyone’s sympathy when you were known as the person who had to share an office with him.

        Practical tips were, 1. making peace with “rudely” walking away even when he was in the middle of talking if you needed the bathroom, day was over, etc. Just declare your exit and go, 2. Emailing him questions as much as possible. He wasn’t much more concise with text but at least you could scroll through or crtl+f the paragraphs. In my role in his office I was able to use headphones to tune him out most of the time.

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        1. MigraineMonth*

          I had a boss who wasn’t stream-of-consciousness, he just… chatted. Local breweries I should visit (I don’t drink). Sports (that I’m not interested in). The weather. Anything. My first team meeting ran over by 45 minutes, which is particularly remarkable because it was scheduled for half-an-hour. He was resistant to scheduling a 1-on-1 with me because he was so busy and had so many reports, but never once ended the meeting on time. “We only have 5 minutes left, so I wanted to make sure there was nothing else to cover,” I’d say, and he’d talk about a sports team. “Well, were at time now,” I’d say, and he’d tell me all about his cabin renovations.

          What eventually worked was cheerfully announcing, “I have to go now” and hanging up on him mid-sentence.

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      4. Ms. Eleanous*

        I used to teach 2nd graders ..

        only a few had this problem, to which I would announce to the room (teachable moment):
        Just because a thought moves across your head, it should not leak out your mouth.
        Some kids took two or three reminders- “OMG . . .a thought is leaking out your mouth!”, but never more.

        For 7 year olds, yeah, I guess somebody has to teach this, and I was glad to.
        The point of all this is:
        Miranda clearly never had me as a teacher.
        But given her problem, I’d use the same words that worked for 7 year olds.

        With Miranda,you may have to up the intensity after the first reminder. By which I mean adding a horrified look, and speaking in the always-useful Teacher Voice.

        Best of Luck,

        I used to teach 2nd graders ..

        only a few had this problem, to which I would announce to the room (teachable moment):
        Just because a thought moves across your head, it should not leak out your mouth.
        Some kids took two or three reminders- “OMG . . .a thought is leaking out your mouth!”, but never more.

        For 7 year olds, yeah, I guess somebody has to teach this, and I was glad to.
        The point of all this is:
        Miranda clearly never had me as a teacher.
        But given her problem, I’d use the same words that worked for 7 year olds.

        With Miranda,you may have to up the intensity after the first reminder. By which I mean adding a horrified look, and speaking in the always-useful Teacher Voice.

        Best of Luck,

        used to teach 2nd graders ..

        only a few had this problem, to which I would announce to the room (teachable moment):
        Just because a thought moves across your head, it should not leak out your mouth.
        Some kids took two or three reminders- “OMG . . .a thought is leaking out your mouth!”, but never more.

        For 7 year olds, yeah, I guess somebody has to teach this, and I was glad to.
        The point of all this is:
        Miranda clearly never had me as a teacher.
        But given her problem, I’d use the same words that worked for 7 year olds.

        With Miranda,you may have to up the intensity after the first reminder. By which I mean adding a horrified look, and speaking in the always-useful Teacher Voice.

        Best of Luck,

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      5. Pennyworth*

        I once gave a neighbor a lift for a two hour drive. She talked non-stop for the whole journey, I only said hello when she got into the car. Working with someone like that must be a nightmare.

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        1. Arglebarglor*

          My husband is like this. During a drive he will talk about his job, peppered by interjections about the driving of other people on the road. We have had 2-3 hour drives during which I did not say anything and he spoke the whole time. He’s aware and I don’t listen.

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      6. goddessoftransitory*

        I currently work with someone like this. Unfortunately the only technique that seems to work is to simply stop responding and actively ignore him. Not all the time, of course, or “cutting him dead.” But once he gets the bit in his teeth he will simply stand at your side and produce a solid wall of talk until you turn away and drop the conversational ball entirely.

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      7. Elizabeth West*

        I do this because it helps me think, but I do it AT HOME. Like when I work from home — there’s no one there but me, so I sometimes talk through what I’m doing. If I’m at the office, I don’t do that. If I HAVE to talk, I move my lips silently (it just looks like I’m reading something).

        Though we have white noise machines in the office, they’re not loud enough to drown out a person behind or beside you who is talking on a call or whatever. But I can’t hear someone a few rows down, so moving Miranda’s desk might be a good idea. Distance may diminish the noise or make it easier to ignore, especially if OP is wearing a headset.

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    9. Also-ADHD*

      Yes, and I wonder if a good accommodation for LW might be to move to a less central location (and/or further from Miranda)? I imagine that’s not possible, or she/boss would have thought of it, but just in case it is… it would probably help a lot!

      Reply ↓
    10. Your Local Password Resetter*

      It sounds like Miranda is also talking at LW directly, so being able to ignore her entirely could already be an improvement.

      Reply ↓
    11. Princess Sparklepony*

      I didn’t read it that way at all. Centrally located desk just means that it’s easy for Miranda to stop by in the course of the day. On the way back from the bathroom, on the way to the copier, on the way to the kitchen, etc., etc.

      If Miranda is just talking into the air from her desk, OP could keep on her headphones and ignore Miranda.

      No, Miranda is targeting OP for her conversation by coming over to her centrally located desk. And since OP does receptionist duties, it’s unlikely she can escape Miranda without leaving her own work.

      Reply ↓
  4. Madtown Maven*

    Wow, OP. Such a perfect storm for your needs vs. your coworker’s! Your boss is definitely underestimating this situation.

    In addition to Alison’s advice, do you think that asking your coworker to write a list of important items/needs/tasks for you would be helpful? Maybe asking for something in writing could interrupt the stream-of-consciousness blabber.

    Reply ↓
    1. Lazuli*

      I think it’s unfair/misleading to phrase this as “[LW’s] coworker’s needs”?? It’s not like she’s simply an external processor trying to talk/think through work issues – it’s mostly totally unrelated to work.

      Reply ↓
      1. MigraineMonth*

        Yeah, I’m an external processor. I need to talk out approaches to projects with a coworker in order to work out which is the best (fortunately I’ve found a coworker who needs the same, so we’re each others’ sounding boards). Sometimes a coworker has to tell me they’re too busy to talk/help right now.

        I have always respected those boundaries. Just as importantly, I have never narrated the Odyssey of where my keys have been in the past 24 hours and never expect my coworkers to prioritize socializing with me over doing their work.

        I know that a some people have trouble following unspoken social rules or miss subtle corrections, but Miranda has gone far beyond that. She needs to learn to deal with whatever this is a way that doesn’t make it impossible for LW to work.

        Reply ↓
    2. RagingADHD*

      Talking obsessively 8 hours a day about the minute details of your life to a captive audience who has repeatedly asked you to stop, to the detriment of your own ability to do the basics of your job, is not a “need.”

      It is (at the most generous) a total failure of self-awareness and a problem.

      If Miranda does have a need related to this behavior, it is to be given a strong limit from management that this behavior needs to change, with consequences attached. Miranda may also need therapy, but that is not something management can make happen.

      Reply ↓
      1. allathian*

        It may be a need for some people, but it’s not reasonable to expect coworkers to accommodate it.

        I’m thinking someone who’s recently moved into a new city for work and who works long hours, and who for those reasons expects to get most of their needs for human company met at work. It requires a conscious effort to meet new people who aren’t coworkers in that situation. Obviously in this case we have no idea if the talkative coworker matches this profile or not.

        Reply ↓
  5. mysterious and important*

    Do you have any time off coming up? If so, would it be reasonable to propose having Miranda direct all work-related information to your boss while you’re out? Once it’s affecting his own work, it might force him to put his foot down with her.

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    1. Your genderqueer dad*

      This is the kind of chaotic response I respect, cause I don’t think that boss and that coworker are going to change unless one or both of them is subjected to radical action.

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      1. mysterious and important*

        The level of chaotic depends on how logical it is to have OP’s boss cover for them (or at least this part of their duties) while they’re out. That’s the workflow for my current job, which is why I felt comfortable suggesting it. But if there’s another coworker who is the obvious choice to receive info from Miranda, it probably wouldn’t work.

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        1. Your Local Password Resetter*

          Yeah, as a small office admin/receptionist it’s quite likely that her boss has a very different job, and just handing all her responsibilities over to him might not make the most sense.

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        2. Princess Sparklepony*

          Even if there is no overlap of duties, redirecting Miranda to the boss is an excellent idea. Let the boss see what it is like to be the recipient of Miranda’s logorrhea. It might drill home the idea that change needs to happen.

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    2. MigraineMonth*

      I wonder if LW can redirect Miranda to talk to their boss every time. I’d give the boss a heads up that this was what I was doing first, but it would hopefully shift the pain onto the person with the power to change the situation.

      “Miranda, stop. I’m working and I *cannot* listen to you. If there is information I need, please send me an email. Otherwise, please talk to [boss] about it.” Repeat ad nauseum every time she starts again.

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    3. Yankees fans are awesome!!*

      I find this approach quite creative, i.e. let the boss actually feel the impact of Miranda’s non-stop chit chat.

      Good call, mysterious and important.

      Reply ↓
  6. Higgins*

    Ok, I’m a chatty person, so it’s possible that I’m the one being unreasonable, but two major interruptions an hour seems like a far cry from “never stops talking”.

    Also, it isn’t clear if Miranda is including vital work information in her “extended monologues about personal minutiae, intimate relationship problems, or absolute and total nonsense.” If she’s not, then LW can just tune her out. LW, if you’re missing vital information, can you request Miranda send you an email summarizing the information you need? Blame it on being swamped right now, and then you can tune her out without fear. And what would stop you from saying “Sorry I can’t talk right now, I need to focus on this” and then putting your headphones in? Maybe that’ll help her get the point?

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    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      Ahhh, but with Miranda, it doesn’t have to makes sense. Miranda does care about logical progression and things making sense.
      “I can’t talk right now”
      “I know. I am going to continue talking”
      So LW doesn’t need to present Miranda with a logical reason (like she’s planning a surprise party) she just needs to redirect Miranda, like a clockwork orange that has walked itself into a corner.
      Hell, give boss a heads up that you asked Miranda to give him info you need. When he becomes the corner trapped by her clockwork orange self, “I know LW isn’t here. So here is what I was going yo tell her.”
      “you don’t have to tell me”
      “I know. Continues to tell him”

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      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Rats. nesting fail.
        But i do want to comment. Twice an hour. Ten minutes each time, adds up to 20% of the work day.
        My lunch hour isn’t 20% of my day. I don’t want someone else’s stream of consciousness to be 20% of my day. It doesn’t matter, though.
        What ultimately matters is that Miranda is not taking “no thank” you for an answer. That’s the issue.

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          1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

            DUUUUDE!!
            Poor OP.
            and poor math skills on me 20/60…derp.
            not the point. the point is 33% of the day?
            No. Just no.

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    2. Jake*

      2 major interruptions an hour is an insane amount. 2 a day is quite a bit.

      These aren’t 1 minute “conversations.” Twice an hour she is recounting an excruciating step by step process of how she lent her bike. This is a 5-10 minutes interruption minimum. I share an office with somebody, and we talk once or twice a day at most about non work stuff, and it usually lasts less than 10 minutes. We are considered chatty.

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      1. Richard Hershberger*

        I have three coworkers with the same job as me, working in adjacent cubicles. We can go days at a time without speaking to each other at all. When we do speak, it is cordial, but it doesn’t happen often. I am an introvert, and even I find this kind of weird.

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      2. amoeba*

        Yeah, I mean, I’m chatty and would actually also be happy to have a short chat twice an hour – but than would mean a minute/a few sentences! Longer chats of 5-10 minutes are also fine, but definitely not in that frequency, unless it’s a *very” slow day *for everybody invovled* and we’re just trying to pass the time.
        And apart from the time requirement – what Miranda does sounds excruciatingly boring, honestly, even on my break or something when I have all the time in the world, I wouldn’t want to listen to that kind of minute, diary-style account of somebody’s daily life! Like, this is not how conversation works!

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    3. Honeybadger*

      My take on it is that while it’s only two major interruptions per hour, those are just the extended interruptions, as in they go on for several minutes each. When you couple that with all of the ‘minor’ interruptions, of which she’s not providing a count for, this could result in her being randomized by this coworker every few minutes during her workday, which will read as ‘never stops talking’. Add the constant interruptions of any length together with her ADHD, it means that she’s constantly in a state of having to attempt to regain her focus every time her coworker speaks. I’ve got ADHD and something like this just completely destroys your productivity. One of the things that I’ve enjoyed the most about working from home is that it reduces those in person interruptions throughout my day by my chattier coworkers. I can limit my interactions by muting threads and checking on them only when I have bandwidth, so I’m not completely disconnected from the group and I’m not restricting anyone’s desire to chat with teammates. I’ve had one coworker for the last 3 years who has managed to be super disruptive even via Teams chats and constant requests to ‘chat’ real quick on channels that I can’t mute. Fortunately, she’s moved on to another team that while peripheral, limits her day-to-day interactions with me. The relief is epic. My productivity is skyrocketing.

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      1. goddessoftransitory*

        The description of Miranda has me thinking of Mrs. Allen in Northanger Abbey. I can’t find the exact quote but it runs along the lines of “Just as she never had anything to say, nor could she remain entirely silent.”

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      2. Freya*

        I’ve been told that it takes the average person 15-25 minutes to get 100% back into work after an interruption. Even at the lower end of that, that’s up to 30 minutes per hour plus 10-20 minutes in interruptions, which means OP might only be getting 10 minutes of good work in in every hour they’re at work.

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    4. So long and thanks for all the fish*

      The letter writer has ADHD. A big part of the issue here is that the Letter Writer probably CANNOT tune it out. That’s a task that is low effort for a neurotypical brain but highly effortful if not impossible for a neurodivergent one, especially at the rate they are receiving this. This might be one of the reasons there could be a miscommunication between LW, and LW may not want to disclose their disability.

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      1. Adventures in Grad School*

        I came here to say this. I have ADHD and, when you’re around someone like this, you can’t tune them out. It’s exhausting and becomes very irritating.

        Reply ↓
      2. Hannah Lee*

        I have a cube that overlooks the office parking lot, and some green space beyond it.
        There are some interesting (to me) birds that seem to be setting up a nest in that green space, flying back and forth carrying stuff. Even though I know what the birds are and what they are doing so I *should* be able to tune them out, I was getting distracted every.single.time. they flew by. Could not get my brain/vision to ignore them, even though I was working on something time sensitive that required a lot of concentration.

        So I closed the levelors so I couldn’t see them, and was so relieved to be able to concentrate again. And then 45-60 minutes later my boss came by and asked me what was going on with “that glass van outside” I, pulled out of deep concentration, looked up and said “what van?” because I’d purposely shut out the outside world so I could have some hope of concentrating. And he joked “you need to pay more attention to what’s going on out there” as he walked away. It was one of those “can’t win for losing” moments, but it would have been more annoying to me to stop him and explain what had led up to me purposely NOT paying attention to what was outside the window.

        If there was someone who sat near me who directly interrupted me multiple times an hour and also kept up stream of consciousness monologue every day a) my productivity would plummet and b) I would get very very irritated.

        While Miranda may work best when she’s thinking out loud, I’d say it’s on her as an adult to NOT directly interrupt OP repeatedly through the day and also to communicate important work info separately OUTSIDE her running commentary (like in an email, or a focused conversation about that one thing). If she makes those 2 changes, then OP can put on her headphones and tune Miranda out so she can work, while Miranda keeps herself company.

        Reply ↓
      3. kicking-k*

        Yes this. I have ADHD as well and minor interruptions can be very derailing. I once worked in an office which had a noisy printer near me which would kick into action at random times, and even that could knock me off my stroke.

        My young daughter is a huge chatterbox and it can be very hard to get anything done while she’s talking to me, too. I hope she won’t be like this by the time she has a workplace.

        Reply ↓
      4. Crooked Bird*

        Is tuning someone’s constant, clearly audible words out really low-effort for a neurotypical brain??

        Am I perhaps not neurotypical after all??

        Reply ↓
        1. allathian*

          I was wondering the same thing! I’ve always considered myself neurotypical, but maybe I need to think again because that kind of distraction is really hard on me now. It never bothered me when I was a kid or teen, thanks to doing four grades in elementary school in a literal one-room school where we had to learn to focus on our own stuff while the teacher was teaching another grade.

          I half-envy my coworker with moderate hearing loss because he can just take out his hearing aids when he needs to focus and all the random noise pretty much disappears, or at least he can’t distinguish any words so the noise bothers him less. I use noise-canceling headphones for Teams meetings at the office, but I can’t stand them if I’m not in a meeting because they just amplify my tinnitus, and over the ear headphones are uncomfortable when worn for hours anyway.

          I’m pretty certain that the last five years or so of mostly remote work have done a number on my ability to filter out distractions at the office. But filtering takes a lot of effort, even if it’s mostly unconscious effort, because I’m a *lot* more tired after a day at the office than when I can WFH.

          Reply ↓
        2. Great Frogs of Literature*

          I have no professional expertise in this area, but my sense is that even for neurotypical folks it’s a spectrum. I can usually tune out two coworkers having an audible-but-not-loud conversation, struggle more with one side of a phone conversation, really struggle to work while listening to music with audible English words, and ABSOLUTELY LOATHE the ice cream truck that hangs out near my house that says “HELLO?!” in a teacher/authority-ish voice as part of its music loop.

          IF I decided that nothing Miranda said was important and I could safely tune her out, I could probably do it but it wouldn’t be no-effort, especially not if I was tired or otherwise frazzled. If I had to keep one ear out for things that were actually relevant to my job, it would be a huge cognitive load.

          Reply ↓
        3. RagingADHD*

          No, pointedly ignoring someone who is trying to talk to you is a conscious choice that is not low-effort for anyone, particularly because it is a violation of social programming to be “polite.”

          If anything, a neurodivergent person who is hyperfocused has an easier time ignoring everything around them, because it’s totally unconscious – except that one usually can’t control when/where hyperfocus is going to kick in.

          Reply ↓
        4. Alpacas Are Not Dairy Animals*

          Conversely, I’m ADHD and tuning out noises is my superpower, possibly from being raised in a large chaotic household.

          I think this is simply one of those things with a big variation on the human spectrum.

          Reply ↓
      5. Emily Byrd Starr*

        I also have ADHD and I was going to say the same thing. ADHD is literally an inability to tune out unwanted noise or distractions. LW cannot learn to tune her coworker out any more than a blind person can learn to see or a deaf person can learn to hear.

        Reply ↓
    6. No Achoo for You*

      “but two major interruptions an hour seems like a far cry from “never stops talking”.”

      Please re-read this sentence.

      8 hour day – 2 major interruptions per hour = 16 MAJOR interruptions per shift
      5 day week = 80 MAJOR interruptions per week (from only ONE single person)
      4 weeks per month average = 320 MAJOR interruptions every single month from the same one person.

      I do not work with Miranda and have never met her but I am absolutely overwhelmed and want to tell her to go away myself!

      Reply ↓
      1. Wednesday wishes*

        I also thought that she was trying to say that besides the direct interruptions, that Miranda was also non-stop monologuing. That would drive me insane.

        Reply ↓
    7. MigraineMonth*

      It sounds like LW *is* telling her “Sorry I can’t talk right now, I need to focus on this” and ignoring her, but that doesn’t stop Miranda from talking. That’s on Miranda to fix. The headphones aren’t a good solution since LW acts as receptionist.

      As for “tune her out”… most people I know with ADHD have two modes: 1) normal focus where it takes a lot of conscious effort to keep refocusing despite *any* background noise, uncomfortable sensations, etc… or 2) hyper0focus where they lose all track of time, won’t hear a phone ringing, might not notice an earthquake. It sounds like LW is trying to do the former, which is incredibly draining and probably why she has started losing track of other information she’s supposed to retain. (I wouldn’t be surprised if this overload at work is contributing to stress, lowered productivity and burnout.) The latter is less stressful but certainly not ideal for a receptionist position.

      Reply ↓
    8. Rosa*

      If my team were interrupted twice every hour with this garbage I’d definitely be stepping in. Heck, we love a tangent but not every day let alone every hour

      Reply ↓
    9. Zephy*

      I mean, if each interruption is a 25-minute diatribe about buying salad…

      Hell, even if it’s just a 10-15 minute word-vomit, twice an hour, that’s still half of LW’s day spent listening to Miranda.

      Reply ↓
    10. Harper*

      Two major interruptions an hour, every hour, every day does qualify as non-stop talking to me. Especially if each monologue is lengthy. If Miranda is talking for 10-15 minutes during each interruption, she’s eating up nearly half the day every day with her chatter. That’s insane.

      LW, I can feel the frustration in your words, and I’m guessing it’s because you’re trying to be polite and non-confrontational, while seething inside. I agree with Allison’s advice. You’re going to have to be really, really blunt with Miranda. I know it will be counterproductive in the short term, but consider even getting up and walking away when you’ve told her to stop talking and she continues. That’s how we set boundaries. “I will not listen to this,” and then, if they continue, you physically remove yourself to stop listening. Maybe you drop by your boss’s office on those occasions?

      Reply ↓
    11. Princess Sparklepony*

      I’d suggest having Miranda put the information she needs to convey for work to OP in an email. No more stopping by to talk. In an email, maybe Miranda will stick to work subjects.

      Reply ↓
  7. DannyG*

    I wonder if it would be possible to ask Miranda to send actual, work information in written form: txt, teams, email, etc.?

    Reply ↓
    2. Melicious*

      I’d do this. Even make it about you so she can save face. “I find it easier to remember things when they’re in writing. Please send all relevant info by email.” Then when she’s talking, interrupt and request she send it in email. Every time. That will feel rude like Allison says, but this is a “return awkwardness to sender” situation.

      Reply ↓
      1. Elizabeth West*

        This is a great idea.
        I have to do this with people who like to call me instead of just sending an email. I sometimes cannot process what you’re saying, especially if you call unexpectedly. Just send it in writing. Also, that way I get to save it for later referral.

        Reply ↓
    3. Putting the Dys in Dysfunction*

      Don’t ask, tell her that’s how you will accept information from her, from now on. Cite the ADHD if that helps. But make it clear, in person and by email (cc’ing your boss if you think that would help).

      And the next time she comes in person, as she surely will, tell her gently and kindly that it has to be via email.

      She may still add unnecessary filler, but that takes longer than when talking, and she’ll therefore includes less of it

      Reply ↓
      1. Zona the Great*

        Yes, this. I had this woman in my life once, too. She said she had to rapid-fire download her entire brain onto me because she found it easier then writing it out in an email. “This is quicker, you know?”. No, lady, I don’t. It also put the burden on me since I would have had to take notes to understand what she needed from me. It’s rude and thoughtless. The way I dealt with it was letting her blab on on the phone while I continued working and every thing she asked me was met with, “I don’t know, you need to put this in writing so I can consider it”. EVERY TIME. She got so exasperated that she stopped calling. Her emails then had to be concise or she’d find I wouldn’t respond. I literally had to train her like Pavlov’s dog.

        Reply ↓
    4. Not on board*

      I was thinking this – tell Miranda not to tell you things verbally because you need them in written form. She won’t ramble in an email (hopefully!) and you can store the information for your boss when he asks.

      Then just ignore her when she’s talking – like, even if you hear her, pretend you don’t. She will possibly stop talking when she figures out you’re not listening.

      Reply ↓
    5. Boof*

      Yes, I was thinking LW should 1) be as blunt and abrupt with Miranda as they can be that they are not going to pay attention when working (and, ideally, ask them to not interrupt vs just say “sorry doing math!” and pop on headphones if not already on – ignore if Miranda ignores and tries to steamroll on with their story) – either in the moment or as a bigger picture conversation if they haven’t ever done that and 2) ask Miranda to summarize the actual work updates once a day or something. “ok time for our 4pm check in can you summarize updates from yesterday?” – and if that involves “oh well I already mentioned ____” LW should say every time “as I said, I had to focus on the thing I was working on and I really need you to summarize ALL work updates now regardless if you mentioned them earlier today so I can make a note of them”
      Basically try to corral Miranda into providing the updates in a way that LW can digest and try to ignore extra chatter and make it clear LW is doing so and why (“Cannot focus on both sorry busy right now!”)

      Reply ↓
    6. Daisy*

      This is what I’ve had to do. When Rosie wants approach my office and talk (ramble) about what (I do not know), I become a “grey rock” – so boring for her to talk to. When I need information from her, I send a teams message (but that can lead to extra back and forth with much extra unneeded information). To avoid that, I’ll send an email instead. Rosie has turned one simple request into three screens of nothing – making a huge deal out of something like “I’ll be on vacation when the order of recycling bins arrives. Please give one each to Tom, Jerry, George, and Kramer.” That simple request turned into a huge deal with 14 texts – that I answered because I was on a long layover at an airport. So I’m used to getting a barrage of information that has nuggets of truth in it and have encouraged it to take place (if it must) by email or teams messages. I truly do not understand the main points when Rosie speaks the words at me in person.

      Reply ↓
    7. Eukomos*

      This is the solution. Tell her you need a written record to refer back to and insist she email you anything important and work-related she tries to tell you.

      Reply ↓
  8. Ally McBeal*

    I think you can make a good case to insist that Miranda only contact you via email. No more in-person visits to your desk without approval from your supervisor (as in, she needs to contact your supervisor every time she wants to talk to you in person).

    Reply ↓
  9. Mid*

    Can you get Miranda to write things down? Like if she needs to tell you work related information, can you ask her to send it to you in an email? It might still be rambling and full of information you don’t need, but Ctrl+F is a lovely feature.

    Reply ↓
  10. Seashell*

    Maybe you need to cut her off when she’s babbling, if you haven’t tried that already. If she’s going on and on, say, “I’m sorry, Miranda, I’m going to need to stop you right there. I have to get back to the X project, so I need to cut to the chase – do you have the TPS reports or not?”

    Reply ↓
    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      LW said she told Miranda she was doing math and couldn’t talk. Miranda continued to talk.

      Reply ↓
      2. KateM*

        Ah, but it was OP who could not talk. That was not a problem as Miranda was fine with doing all the talking herself.

        Reply ↓
      3. Pomodoro Sauce*

        I am sympathetic that the LW didn’t push back further — I often have trouble doing that, because when someone blows past my polite request I get very frustrated and can’t be sure my next responses will be appropriately professional. I have found that making a little tally mark in my head when it happens can help me note recurring problems — and then I straight up practice appropriate responses and tones to use in recurring scenarios. It helps the veneer of professionalism significantly!

        Reply ↓
    2. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Yeah, I want to empower OP to consistently force Miranda to give OP the TL, DR for every one of their work-relevant conversations. If Miranda starts blathering about moving her keys, I want OP to stop her and say, “Miranda, do you have the TPS reports?” If she starts talking about her lack of salad, I want OP to say, “Ah, before you go any further, can you tell me what the status of the green teapots is?” and then, if Miranda goes off on a tangent before answering the question, for OP to say, “I’m sorry about your flowers dying, but what about the green teapots?” Does OP have the power to constantly redirect Miranda, or is Miranda senior to OP and OP just has to take whatever Miranda throws at OP? (Doesn’t sound that way to me.) If OP is able to exert this kind of control over Miranda, I’d suggest OP clue in the boss that OP will be doing this, and then do it.

      Yes, it’s a lot of work and it’s exhausting and it might not necessarily solve Miranda’s verbal diarrhea issue, but it might at least get OP the work info they need. I also have ADHD and working with Miranda would be dang near impossible for me as well.

      Reply ↓
    3. Jeff Vader*

      Maybe being a bit sarcastic can help – being nice hasnt work so maybe a bit of bluntness might registerr ?
      For example:
      ‘you remind me of an old country and western song – ‘ How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”

      Reply ↓
      1. linger*

        Miranda will respond by describing her favourite song lyrics. “Oh that sounds like that one by Paul Young, you know, Every Time You Go Away, I remember when they played that at my high school prom, …”

        Reply ↓
      2. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

        Nope, nothing but being completely straightforward and blunt will do the job. Don’t say anything “conversational”.

        Reply ↓
  11. H.Regalis*

    I feel for you, LW. When I worked in home healthcare, a worker on another shift would stay until I clocked in—which she didn’t need to do because the patient did not need 24/7 supervision—and talk at me for upwards of an hour going over the banal minutiae of everything she did on her shift because it was “important.” It was not. It was stuff like, “I made Fergus a cheese sandwich with two slices of cheddar and I cut the sandwich diagonally.” This was in addition to the literal pages of notes she would leave for workers on the other shifts, again, all full of nothing. One time I got so fed up with her that I threw her purse out on the lawn and locked the door behind her because she would not shut up and leave.

    Reply ↓
      1. H.Regalis*

        That particular day, she did finally leave; but the overall problem remained. She ran off every single other care worker, including me. I couldn’t take it.

        Reply ↓
          1. H.Regalis*

            Things got worse before they got better. About a year later, I got a call from an investigator: The patient had told a nurse that the care worker was hitting him and screaming at him, so there was an investigation. The patient got a restraining order against the care worker. He has since passed away, but he was able to spend the remaining years of his life abuse-free.

            Reply ↓
            1. Joana*

              If that’s the case, I wonder if the pages and pages of details and the hour of banal conversation about her shift was her attempt to account for every minute of her day in case the patient made that accusation.

              Yikes.

              Reply ↓
  13. Betsy S.*

    Just a thought – are you doing all of this in the moment? Might it help to have a serious, sit-down, on-the calendar, eye-to-eye meeting with Miranda, where you talk about the effect the interruptions are having on your day, and ask that she limit talk to work matters during work hours? (with, optionally, a chance to talk at lunch or at a fixed-time break, if you think it would help) Then when she starts to go on, you can refer back to the meeting.

    Possibly even a 3-person meeting with your boss, and ask your boss to emphasize that he expects you to get work done .

    Might (or might not) help to point out that this is behavior that will hold her back from being taken seriously as a professional. Might (or might not) help to imply that your own job is at risk if you aren’t more productive, with some people that’d motivate them.

    Reply ↓
    1. I See Real People*

      I came here to say this as well. Schedule a meeting with your boss and Miranda in the same room, closed door. Explain how her need to hear own voice is interrupting your work and your sanity. If the jabbering doesn’t stop, schedule a meeting with your boss and HR, without Miranda. HR might help, but it might make your boss uncomfortable. Definitely keep looking for a new job.

      Reply ↓
  14. Trudy's Blue Summer's Dress*

    Can your other coworkers say something to the boss also if they haven’t already? If you’re the only one, maybe he doesn’t think it’s as bad as it is

    Reply ↓
  15. LCH*

    Prior to reading the solution, my own way to solve it would be to have Miranda send me important work info in writing. This is what I like to get at work myself anyway. Because then there is less room for misunderstanding, plus there is a way to refer back to it.

    Uncertain if Miranda is higher up than OP. If not, way easier to be firmer about asking to quit chitchatting so much.

    Reply ↓
  16. Jellyfish Catcher*

    I’d try smallish signs such as 4 x 6 cards.
    Print the messages, not handwritten, as hit conveys more formality.

    Ex; “Can’t talk right now.”
    “Email work questions – will usually respond by (1 hour, etc time).
    “Busy – can’t socialize today.”

    Reply ↓
    1. LaurCha*

      Sadly people do not read signs. I had tried this. It has never worked. IF you can close your door most people will at least pause before knocking, but as the receptionist? Not so much.

      Reply ↓
    2. KateM*

      I wonder if Miranda takes “I can’t talk” too literally – “yea, I know you can’t talk, but no worries, I have that part down, you just listen”.

      Reply ↓
      3. Ellis Bell*

        I think this is very true – I also think Miranda probably doesn’t realise how much she’s talking.

        Reply ↓
    3. Your Local Password Resetter*

      Someone who acts like a verbal waterfall for hours on end probably isn’t going to notice and/or care.

      Reply ↓
    4. Keyboard Jockey*

      An old coworker of mine did this with index cards, each with at most one word block-printed on it in colorful markers. I imagine one saying “SHHH” might get the message across.

      Reply ↓
    5. KateM*

      I suspect a coworker wouldn’t even read it a small thing like that, thinking it is a note the receptionist has printed out either for customers or herself.

      Reply ↓
  17. econobiker*

    “Given that he’s unwilling or unable to actually manage Miranda (because as you can guess, her time management skills are appalling and her productivity is often shockingly low), am I doing the right things?”

    Can you lean into asking Miranda, obnoxiously sweetly even, “What is your next work task you are completing and when?” And when she begins her babbling process monolog, cut her off saying “I didn’t ask ‘How?’ is asked What is your next work task you are completing and
    when?” And if she can’t name next work task and when, then be STERN TO HER and say “Please no talking unless you’re discussing “What is your next work task you are completing and when.” with me.” Be STERN and business like so that if she gets bent or emotionally hurt complaining to your manager, you can honestly say I was asking her “What is your next work task you are completing and when?” and she wouldn’t shut up nor tell me the answer .

    Reply ↓
      1. MsM*

        Honestly, I don’t think that strategy would work on a five year old, either. Repeating instructions louder and more slowly doesn’t do any good if the person doesn’t understand why their response doesn’t address what you’re asking them, or can’t figure out any other way to deliver the information.

        Reply ↓
        1. Wefrence Libwarian*

          I witnessed something similar to this at work and was so annoyed with the mom doing it to her child.

          The child would ask something like “Can I blahblah?” and the mom just kept repeating “I don’t know…CAN you?”. She was clearly trying to do the can/may distinction thing, which is annoying in itself, but it’s clear the kid didn’t know what she was talking about no matter how many times the mom repeated herself. So both of them continued going in circles until the kid gave up.

          Reply ↓
      2. econobiker*

        But if this Miranda is oblivious to the other things that the OP had already tried and the manger is NOT helpful then sometimes STERN boundaries are needed. And by keeping the conversation entirely professional the OP can CYA about it.

        Reply ↓
        1. New Jack Karyn*

          The conversation you outlined is not professional, and OP has no authority to speak to Miranda that way.

          Reply ↓
    3. Random Academic Cog*

      1) LW is the receptionist. It’s unlikely she’s responsible for overseeing Miranda’s work (she may be stuck with completing some it, but that’s still not the same thing). 2) This approach is beyond offensive. It’s fine to put extra oomph into it when you’re dealing with someone who is breaking social norms, but on some level it still needs to remain professional. Talking to a coworker like they are a child is not the way to go (though that’s not even super appropriate for most children). Big risk of it backfiring on LW if they behave wildly unprofessional.

      Reply ↓
  18. ScottW*

    I once had this issue with a coworker. He was just oblivious to my needing to get work done and the fact that he wasn’t telling me anything I needed to know or could do anything about. Finally I lost it one day, got *really* direct and forceful, which was uncomfortable for me, and said “I need you to leave my office now so that I can work.” And he looked at me and said “Oh, okay” and left. And for whatever reason, now we can talk about things as necessary and then he leaves. I actually like the guy. He’s extremely bright. He’s not a bad guy. He just needs people to be *really* direct with him, and he doesn’t take offense when they are. I wish I had realized that sooner.

    Reply ↓
    1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      Sounds proportional to me, but I prefer directness.
      Your message would be the norm to cut short an unimportant conversation, in the offices I worked, at least in Germny and the Netherlands – notably blunt cultures. I’d say OK too for persistent chatterboxes anywhere (but I’ve not worked in the US and US commenters here at least seem to avoid using direct words)

      Reply ↓
      1. Grasshopper Relocation LLC*

        I once saw a Washington Post advice column where the LW’s husband could never realise it was time to leave a party. One of the other commenters mentioned that a friend of theirs used to tell people “I don’t know when it’s time to leave, just tell me.” Apparently worked perfectly.

        Reply ↓
        1. Silver Robin*

          I regularly host folks (game nights, dinner parties, etc.). my bed time is my bed time and I give people 15 and 5 minute warnings. At first I had to be facetiously over the top about it so as not to feel like a Bad Host but now people are already kind of expecting it and I lost any shame. “I love you, please leave” is one of my favorites.

          Reply ↓
      2. Your Local Password Resetter*

        Even here that would be pretty direct and kinda rude. If people need to be that blunt you’ve probably ignored some social cues.

        Reply ↓
        1. amoeba*

          I’m German and I’d consider that super rude! I mean, not in the circumstances in the original post – that guy obviously needed it. But if I stopped by to chat with a colleague who I didn’t know was busy and he used that line on me without me previously ignoring more polite signs (such as “oh sorry, hate to cut you off but I really need to finish this”), I’d be pretty taken aback.

          Reply ↓
      3. ScottW*

        For a while I was on a work project supported by people in Sweden, and there sometimes seemed to be tension between us until someone clued me in that my attempts to be “personable” by American standards were not appreciated by the Swedish. Our relationship seemed to improve once I confined my conversation to just the work information I needed to know or give. It seemed rude by my standards but was apparently the opposite by theirs. They didn’t see my asking about their weekend as politeness.

        Reply ↓
        1. allathian*

          Interesting! I’m in Finland, and here we tend to think that Swedes are occasionally difficult to deal with because a dominant management philosophy there is “management by consensus” where they’ll yak on and on in endless meetings about an issue until they get buy-in from everyone involved. Our organizational cultures are less hierarchical than US ones seem to be, but we’re more hierarchical than Swedish organizations tend to be, and we think it’s more efficient that way.

          Sometimes it’s necessary for managers to make decisions that their employees don’t necessarily like, and a good manager here will accept that and listen to people’s concerns while still taking responsibility for the decision they’re making.

          Maybe it was just that organization, small talk about things other than work (without going into excruciating detail) has always been the norm at every job I’ve ever had, although admittedly I’ve never worked in Sweden.

          Reply ↓
  19. H3llifIknow*

    Ugghhhh this reminds me of the lawcare guys/pest control guys who come by DAILY in the Spring despite my THREE discretely located NO SOLICITING signs. One is right next to my door! I answer, “Hi I’m here to discus…” “I’m not interested; see the No Soliciting signs you passed to get to my door?” “I’ll only need a few minutes of your time…” “You can have zero of my time. I am not interested. Please remove this address from your contact list.” Close Door. It’s hard. It feels so rude. But it also feels so empowering. When Miranda starts hold up your hand, and say, “Stop right there. Is this work relevant? If not, I have work I need to be doing and cannot with you talking.” If she says it is, listen and as soon as it becomes NON-relevant, hand up, “Stop. This is not related to work. Please let me work now.” Lather, Rinse, Repeat as necessary.

    Reply ↓
    1. Zombeyonce*

      I don’t even talk to them once I know they’re salespeople, I just tap the sign and close the door.

      Reply ↓
      1. H3llifIknow*

        I’m aspiring to get to that level, but not quite there yet! I will, if I’m near my echoshow ask to see the ring cam and I’ll either not answer or say, “Not interested” thru the camera, but sometimes I don’t see who’s there before I answer.

        Reply ↓
  20. Hello, Nurse*

    With ADHA involved, it seems like there should be some kind of ADA accommodation option to force the boss’s hand.

    Reply ↓
    1. Skippy*

      I was coming here to say the opposite… I think LW bringing their diagnosis and work style into the conversation risks turning the conversation from a Miranda problem to a LW problem. Even a completely neurotypical person would find this unworkable.

      Reply ↓
      1. Starbuck*

        Yes, the problem here is absolutely Miranda. This level of chatter & interruption would be unreasonable to handle regardless of your neurotype.

        Reply ↓
        1. Zombeyonce*

          LW doesn’t necessarily even need to go the accommodation route; it’s likely that asking Miranda to email them any info they need will help. Then when she comes to talk, they can just say they’re busy, ask her to email them, and put the headphones on so she’ll go away.

          Reply ↓
    3. anononon*

      LW may not want to disclose it, especially as an admin who’s having trouble getting work done. Especially at a small office without any HR, there’s not really “forcing the boss’ hand.”

      (Source: I am an admin with adult-diagnosed ADHD, and I do not disclose at work specifically because about three conversations into my first job someone blamed poor service at a restaurant on the waitress maybe having ADHD. I have a reputation for being one of the few things keeping my being-of-pure-chaos boss on-task and on time, and a lot of it is because I do all the stuff for him that I think would help if I had someone to do it for me.)

      Reply ↓
      1. H3llifIknow*

        Right. Focus on the Miranda is being distracting and interfering with her ability to get work done. Not on the ADHD since she’d likely have the same issue if she didn’t have ADHD. Babblers are a menace to all coworkers who need to focus.

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  21. learnedthehardway*

    As a last resort – in case confronting Miranda and demanding that she stop babbling does not work – can you ask her to write down anything that she needs you to know and hand it to you? At least then, you’d know what was important and what you could tune out.

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    1. Coverage Associate*

      If asking for a physical note, LW probably wants to keep pens and post its handy. These are not entirely normal anymore in my last 2 offices (that is, they are available in supply cupboards, but most people no longer keep them at their desks), so just raising it.

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  22. A*

    I would reconsider if this type of work is playing to your strengths.

    It is true Miranda sounds particularly annoying. But with admin work there will always be an element of separating the wheat from the chaff. Perhaps not this much, but it will always be there.

    It is okay to work a job and decide it’s just not for you at all. Not your fault, not the job’s fault, just not a good fit.

    Reply ↓
    2. Banana Pyjamas*

      I wouldn’t go that far. There’s a difference between constant interruption because that’s the nature of the work and constant interruption because other people don’t behave appropriately in the office. The first can be manageable, especially in reception work, but the second really can’t. I say this as someone with ADHD who has worked in both.

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      1. anononon*

        Seconding this. If the interruption is the nature of the job, the interruption is the job,, so by handling the interruption (to whatever degree is appropriate) I’m doing the job. (And I keep notes on what I’m doing when I switch focus, so I remember what my job was before the interruption.) Honestly if there’s not a little variety and a couple minor, relatively fixable crises a week I’m probably not going to do well at the job. But that is not listening to the irrelevant minutia of someone’s day intermingled with one minute of vital work information spread out over the day.

        Reply ↓
      2. OlympiasEpiriot*

        I absolutely agree…and I don’t have ADHD.

        So, seconding.

        Also, in my experience, receptionists need to be left alone because they are taking care of people and deliveries coming in and often shipments going out. There might be some pauses where they can chat, but, their work takes priority.

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    3. Admin Work*

      I had this same thought. Miranda sounds extra annoying and needs to be kept in check, but admin work is full of disruptions almost by definition.

      As someone who has previously worked in admin work and moved on to something completely different, my productivity is a night and day difference when I’m not constantly having to get up from my desk to see who opened the front door and if I need to deal with it, having random people drop by my office to fix the copier every time it jams, taking last minute lunch orders for the entire office, answering the phone every 10 minutes when it rings, running last minute errands, making sure that guests are always accompanied in the office, etc. Those admin duties weren’t even 30% of my job description, but they would dramatically slow down my productivity on the other 70% because each time I would have to regroup and figure out what I was doing and where I was at with it.

      Having a job without admin duties is life changing in terms of my productivity and ability to focus. I know it can be incredibly difficult to get out of admin work once you are already in it, but I think it’s a fair question to ask if this type of work best suits the letter writer.

      Reply ↓
    4. March*

      No, I don’t think so. I have ADHD and trouble with distractions, and I find my admin job exactly suits me. UNLESS the distraction is constant and overwhelming, like in LW’s case, sometimes it can even make my workflow better. This is an extreme case of unnecessary distraction and in no way reflects on the suitability of the job for LW.

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    5. metadata minion*

      There are plenty of jobs where the interruptions are mostly work-relevant. Having to sort out the two facts you actually need from a 10-minute monologue is particularly difficult and not actually inherent to admin work.

      Reply ↓
    6. H3llifIknow*

      I don’t think that’s entirely true. An admin will have short term “hey can you tell me X or do Y” or have to stop to answer a phone maybe and have a short BUSINESS RELATED discussion, but by the OP’s own description, Miranda is incessantly talking and interrupting her and disrupting her focus. The job is NOT the problem; Miranda IS the problem.

      Reply ↓
      1. Koala*

        We use a Jumex can of pennies and it works great until the day I grabbed the full can of Jumex my husband had just opened for himself and shook it at the dog. It was a sticky mess and the dog enjoyed the chaos. Now the Jumex can with pennies has a label on it that says “for naughty pets”.

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    6. ScruffyInternHerder*

      Oh man, I am NOT guaranteeing that I will not use this as a serious suggestion today. Cube-farms with half walls suck.

      Reply ↓
      1. H3llifIknow*

        Stock up on soft things you can launch like rubber stress balls and small stuffies and maybe even launch a few rubber bands!

        Reply ↓
  24. H.Regalis*

    1. Yes, the boundary you are drawing is reasonable.

    2. Since your boss won’t manage Miranda, does that carry over to the other employees as well What I mean is, is he spineless overall, or does Miranda has some kind of “that’s just how she is” designation and the rest of you are held to higher standards? If it’s the former, and I really hope it is, you can probably be pretty blunt with her. “Shut up and get away from my desk, Miranda” may be the order of the day.

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  25. Red*

    LW my advice comes to you as a ‘Miranda’: It’s a compulsion because they don’t have the interaction anywhere else in their life and you’re a captive audience (but odds are high Miranda doesn’t see it like that because I never did until it was explicitly pointed out).

    From your letter it looks like you’ve given her all the soft signals but not a real hard one and it’s going to take a hard stop for her to really know she’s a bother. You have to tell her she’s talking too much, and you cannot focus. You have to be very explicitly clear and upfront that you don’t want to listen to every minutia of her life. Her feelings will be hurt (mine always were), but she will not leave you alone until you do this. To be clear, this will likely only lower the amount of times she chats at you, but she will start thinking twice before she does.

    You don’t have to be mean, but you must be 100% clear and direct.

    Reply ↓
    2. AnonToday*

      I was going to express my sympathies to LW as they apparently work with my mother, for whom what you describe is true: limited social interaction, very strong need to talk.

      With my mom, there’s also an (undiagnosed, but if you know you know) ADHD complication, where the things she compulsively shares are also in no particular order, and she cannot – CANNOT – be herded along into shaping a coherent narrative. It’s just a wall of undifferentiated speech, sometimes gently shaped by things she sees happening outside her window at the moment you’re speaking to her.

      IME there is no solution except moving half a continent away, or in LW’s case finding a new job. It will never stop; it is not within Miranda’s capacites to govern her speech so as to not distract others.

      Reply ↓
      2. Keyboard Cowboy*

        “Family reunion with multiple surprise siblings” was not on my bingo card for today, but now that we’re here, who brought the casserole?

        Reply ↓
      3. Starbuck*

        Yeah my mom is like this as well; I love her and she’s usually very kind but it’s been a struggle for years to just share space with her. We do see her a lot but it’s a running point of discussion in the family that she cannot, will not stop talking when we have gatherings. She’ll do it to the point of embarrassing herself, will talk about how she’s talking so much and everyone must be annoyed, but still will not stop. Only getting sucked in to scrolling on her phone seems to quiet her. But then if you’re resorting to doing something to quietly entertain yourself while she’s telling a story you’ve heard for the 10th time, her feelings get hurt because she feels ignored.

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        1. goddessoftransitory*

          My mom, too, and more and more as she aged. She just gently burbled along like a brook and no phone call with her was under twenty minutes. Luckily she never got mean or Fox News-poisoned so it wasn’t like listening to her was hard in that sense, but man, it became impossible to concentrate on her after a while.

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        2. allathian*

          Sounds a bit like my MIL, she’ll talk to (and over) anyone. Last fall my sister invited my MIL and her husband, me, my husband and our son, as well as our parents to her 50th birthday celebration. Afterwards my husband commented that he wished my sister hadn’t invited his mom because she talked nearly as much as the rest of us put together, and my husband would’ve liked to talk to my FOO as well because we see them slightly less often than my more social MIL. When I pointed out that as her son, he was best placed to ask his mom to let others get a word in edgewise, he just shrugged and pointed out that he’d tried to do that before without much success. My MIL is a lovely person and I love her dearly and count myself a winner in the MIL stakes, but sometimes she’s a bit much…

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      5. metadata minion*

        Oh, hey, I totally thought my partner was an only child! ;-) When he’s on the phone with his mother he will often say goodbye three or four times before actually being able to end the call.

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    3. H.Regalis*

      @Red and @AnonToday – Compulsion and limited social interaction combined with a very strong need to talk are both the sense I’ve gotten too from the (thankfully) few people I’ve met like this. One of the people I actually like, but whenever we’re together socially she will vomit words at the entire group for an hour or more until someone cuts her off, and sometimes she has to be cut off several times before it will take. I’ve dealt with people who were simply boorish and rude, but with these few people, it really does seem like a compulsion.

      Reply ↓
      1. Red*

        It truly is. I cannot for the life of me stop myself from talking or saying too much a lot of the time and it has taken me almost half a lifetime to control this as much as I can. A lot of the time too I can feel that I’m saying too much but like I. can’t. stop.
        The best I’ve been able to do is hold it in until I find a person who will listen to my word vomit. If someone directly tells me they aren’t that person, I will hold it in until I get to ‘the One’ lol
        (A lot of days that means chatting up strangers in line at the store or talking into an empty house at the end of the day but I digress.)

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      2. goddessoftransitory*

        Sadly, this compulsion leads directly to the limited social interaction; people may want to engage with the person but know that even the most casual “how are you?” leads to a blast of verbiage pinning them against the wall.

        My coworker is this way–things you wouldn’t mind chatting about or would even be genuinely curious to hear with anyone else are actively avoided because you know there is no such thing as a short version.

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      3. What_the_What*

        Yeah I’ve worked with a few. It’s like they cannot tolerate the silence and feel a compulsion to fill it. I have one colleague (thankfully now remote) who even if she wasn’t talking to any of us, would talk to herself constantly. She narrated her entire workday, what she was thinking. Any thought HAD to come out of her mouth. She did try to talk softly to herself but the constant muttering was still annoying AF.

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    4. Fierce Jindo*

      Just wanted to thank you, Red, for sharing your perspective here. I admire your self-insight and honesty!

      Reply ↓
  26. An Australian in London*

    I’m aware that some people have no internal monologue.
    I was not aware that in some people, this is because they switched it to 100% external. :)

    Reply ↓
  27. Dawn*

    Is there any chance you can get your boss to act more assertively by positioning this as an accommodation request? “I cannot do the job you’re asking of me because Miranda conflicts with my ADHD” wouldn’t work in every office, but in some it might force your boss to realize that they need to more actively manage the situation.

    Reply ↓
    1. What_the_What*

      That’s really going to depend. Outing oneself as having ADHD can lead to backlash for any little mistake you make as being a result of your “diagnosis,” so the LW has to really weigh the pros and cons of that… From the boss’s current lack of intervention, she risks outing herself with nothing being accomplished.

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  28. Art3mis*

    Oh I sympathize. I have a coworker like this but luckily we’re remote. So she just updates the team chat with everything she is doing and every task change. Which is annoying and means that sometimes people miss things that she posts that actually require a response because they are used to ignoring her.

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  29. Ari*

    I don’t have ADHD and I would still have a hard time with all this information coming at me constantly. I wish I had some advice.

    Reply ↓
    1. Dust Bunny*

      Same, plus I have decades of experience managing my not-ADHD-but-kinda-self-centered mother’s disarticulated monologues, and there is still no way I could follow this.

      Reply ↓
  30. AKK*

    Obviously the reception desk can’t move, but can Miranda?

    If it hasn’t been suggested before and shot down, I would go back to your boss and say “whatever you have tried with Miranda isn’t working, since she is still constantly talking to me. Could we discuss possibly moving her away from me?”

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  31. Elbe*

    People who are very extreme in their external processing are a pet peeve of mine. I understand that talking in this stream-of-consciousness way feels very intuitive to them, but they need to gain an understanding about how they affect others.

    Ideally, you’d get comfortable being really assertive about cutting her off, in ways that would feel rude if you were doing them to anyone else but which are warranted with her.
    This is really the key. The politeness that keeps society functioning under most circumstances insulates them into never developing the self-awareness that they need. They require a level of bluntness that other people don’t.

    If the bluntness doesn’t work – if Miranda knows that you’re not on board with these interactions and just doesn’t care – a last resort would be spend a while giving her a taste of her own medicine. Dominate every conversation she initiates with your own blather. Don’t let her get a word in edgewise. If she’s using you to externally process, she will eventually stop doing that if you just… don’t let her externally process. In my experience, even people who do this themselves don’t like it when other people do it to them. But, as I said, this is an absolute last resort if nothing else works. It very well could backfire by allowing her to think that her behavior is normal and, therefore, okay.

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    1. econobiker*

      Yes, this. Construction of an entire narrative around an entirely fake situation without allowing Miranda to get a word in elsewisewith the key phrase being “Miranda, before you say another thing let me tell you….” literally cutting her off middle of her statements or starting your statements over top of hers without even caring what she’s saying…

      Reply ↓
    2. Koala*

      My coworker is an external processer and will come over to my desk first thing in the morning and list out all the things she needs to do that day. However, I’ve learned that she is just saying them out loud for her own sake and doesn’t need a response from me, so I just greet her and get back to whatever I was doing and tune her out to my best ability.
      Sometimes I really wish she could just write a list instead though.

      Reply ↓
  32. Kali*

    I’m not clear on what information Miranda has that is work-relevant or how she’s sharing it – is it buried in this onslaught or does she start off with an answer and then veer off into the stratosphere? The latter is more manageable, for sure.

    When I encounter people like this, I get very, very clear and direct. I interrupt – “Wait, are we doing X or Y?”, “Hold on, is ABC happening on Wednesday or Thursday?” They usually answer and then start rambling again, at which point, I interrupt again. I also use their names to help in getting their focus.

    I would also tell Miranda (or anyone else) to email you with relevant information. “I’ve got a lot going on. If it’s not in writing, it doesn’t exist to me right now. Email me,” is one that I use often (in an apologetic tone if I want to smooth things over). Everything being in writing is just helpful for a business so that everyone’s on the same page, ADHD or not, or rambler or not.

    Reply ↓
    1. sparkle emoji*

      It sounds like the work info is both mixed in with personal details, and includes in-progress info that’s still changing.

      Reply ↓
  33. Jellyfish Catcher*

    I’ve thought … don’t tell her that you can’t Talk.
    Try telling her that you can’t Listen, along with the usual other boundaries.

    She wants and/or needs people to be listening to her, but it’s not the setting for that.

    Reply ↓
    2. Peanut Hamper*

      I like this distinction — assuming Miranda can actually hear it over the sound of her own voice.

      Reply ↓
    4. Ms. Whatsit*

      Yes, this is what I was thinking. “I can’t talk right now” would work with most people, but it seems like Miranda doesn’t care if the OP talks—she’s just talking a lot herself. I guess OP has moved on (understandably!) but I think this is a situation where initiating a conversation about it and then recalling it in the moment could be a good approach, and then if/when she doesn’t get it, go to the “I need you to stop talking to me” stuff.

      Reply ↓
  34. thatsjustme*

    Oof, OP, you have my sympathy. I also have ADHD and my mother (who has ADHD as well but isn’t medicated) has this same style of talking. She will use voice-to-text to send me text messages that are literally 500 words long. I can absolutely see how this would cause real mental fatigue in a work situation.

    Reply ↓
    1. Ellis Bell*

      This definitely reminded me of when my type of distracted ADHD meets my relative’s ‘chat continually in random bursts’ ADHD. Not a diagnosis of others, but definitely hard work as a dynamic and kind of unresolvable I have found. Distance is the only answer I have got!

      Reply ↓
  35. OP*

    I wrote in a while back, I’ve since left this job (to my immense relief).
    To answer Allison, our boss was pretty open to my feedback/boundary. And he did attempt to quell this behavior, and it had some effect? In that she would mention that she knew she was very distracting and toned down the most intimate of her personal disclosures, which I did appreciate.
    I can see some comments wondering if asking her to write things down would maybe help – we definitely tried that. We had clear, specific processes for putting all the details I needed in writing, which we repeatedly discussed, she just… never would. If there were deadlines for that info she would sit on it until the last minute, try to do it herself, things would get rushed out, she’d realize mistakes, we’d change the info and try to take down all the now-incorrect info from all the places it had already gone, etc, repeat.
    There were no options for re-arranging desks, unfortunately, and I have it on good authority that her behavior was a major factor in most of my predecessors leaving, too. Last I heard she was spotted attempting a conversation with a man operating a jackhammer so…

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    2. Dawn*

      Thrilled to hear that you’ve moved on from such a silly situation, OP. Your (former) boss does not sound very effectual at all and that can really overshadow everything else.

      Reply ↓
    4. Orange m&m*

      I’m so glad you were able to get out of there. With your humor intact – jackhammer conversation cracked me up.

      Reply ↓
    6. Cheap ass rolling with it*

      Wow — “her behavior was a major factor in most of my predecessors leaving”

      if your former company was losing good employees for this chatty coworker, she should have been moved or work-from-home.

      My sympathies OP — I had a chatty roommate in college. The minute I walked in she would start talking and would. not. stop. 20 minutes would go by, and she’s still talking, I don’t even need to say “uh-huh”. My solution was to head straight to my room and close the door, all the while she was talking. So I pretty much “slammed the door shut” on her — it was the only way I could get silence and not waste hours of my life. So I feel for you.

      I’m glad you found a new workplace!

      Reply ↓
    7. allathian*

      Thanks for that mental jackhammer image, made my day today. Glad to hear you’re outside Miranda’s sphere of influence, but I can only say that the management at your former job was ineffective to say the least.

      Reply ↓
  36. Delta Delta*

    The example of, “sorry, I can’t talk right now” feels fairly direct, but Miranda isn’t getting it. The next step is for OP to say loudly and clearly, “stop talking to me.” The boss isn’t helping, so perhaps what the boss needs is to meet with both OP and Miranda together so OP can be very clear that Miranda’s verbal stream is disruptive to OP’s work and that it needs to be stopped. If there was a way the boss could observe (passively, quietly, from an unseen place perhaps) so they can appreciate just how disruptive this all is, that may also help.

    If none of the above works, maybe OP looks for a different job. This sounds really draining.

    Reply ↓
  37. Statler von Waldorf*

    I had a similar problem, which I “solved” in my own unique way. It worked, but I almost wish it didn’t. Sorry, it’s a long one.

    I had a co-worker who couldn’t stop talking. I wasn’t her boss, just the senior admin, but I was expected to supervise her. I honestly didn’t have an issue with her, I can tune out damn near anything when I’m in focus mode. However, the dispacher, who was on the phone for 90%+ of his shift and had hearing issues, was having issues hearing people over her constant talking. As the senior admin, I was tasked by management, who were hundreds of miles away from the remote gas plant we were stationed at, to resolve the situation.

    I had a conversation with her about it. No change. I wrote her up for it. No change. I wrote her up for it again more firmly and threats of firing. Still no change. I felt like I was arguing with a stone asnd getting nowhere. I was talking with my boss about how frustrated I was and how this was not going to work, and we were planning on terminating her employment at the end of the pay period with the crew change.

    About three days before we were going to let her go, I had barely slept the night before due to a power outage on-site screwing up the CPAP treatment for my severe sleep apena. I was tired and cranky, but I had payroll to do that day and I was going to get it done hell or high water. Co-worker started up as usual, and I gave her one warning. She ignored it as usual and kept on chatting.

    All that frustration that had been buidling up? I lost it. I unleashed a stream of profanity on her questioning her intelligence and her life choices in the way that only a former rig pig or a sailor on shore leave could. I was brutal and held nothing back. After about five minutes of me going up one side and down the other, she was in tears, and once I got all that frustration out I honestly felt terrible.

    I am still not proud of my actions that day. What’s makes it worse is that me losing my shit completely worked and solved the issue. I never had to write her up for noise again, and we worked well together for about five months until the season ended. The dispatcher was happy and thought I handled the situation well. Management agreed with him and backed me up, but it just never sat right with me.

    That is what lead me to this website, ironically enough. When I got another job a few years later where I would have to manage again, I went looking in the internet for advice so I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice and I ended up here. I’ve been lurking here on and off ever since.

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    1. Goldenrod*

      Honestly, I think you should forgive yourself for this one! I came here to say that this is one of the only near-impossible work situations I’ve encountered. I’ve worked in a few offices with people like this and…it’s so very difficult because they are often very nice people they just can’t…stop…talking.

      I never found a way to stop it. I mean, I wasn’t their manager so it wasn’t my responsibility to stop it, but it did drive me crazy to hear the constant play-by-play of everything this person (people) did all day. But it’s a deeply embedded personality trait. In one of the cases, someone (not me) reported it to the manager who made her cry, and I felt terrible…but the feedback was not wrong!

      So: forgive yourself! This problem is a DOOZY.

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      1. Starbuck*

        Yeah unfortunately for some the compulsion seems so strong that no amount of gentle or even firm requests for consideration can overcome it… when the typical workplace communication tools aren’t powerful enough, turns out the power of intense fear/shame can do it. Hard to know what else could have worked (other than putting her in an office by herself or something like like that).

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    3. allathian*

      Some people go by contraries, like that obnoxious boy in one of the early Anne Shirley books who started respecting her authority as a teacher when she finally lost control one day and spanked him; she felt terrible because she’d decided never to spank any of her pupils.

      I hope you can forgive yourself for losing your shit. It seems like the coworker learned a valuable lesson and didn’t bear you any grudges.

      Reply ↓
  38. Throwaway Account*

    I just want to say that my 5 year old was like this, I would say, this is quiet time, no talking till this is done. He was say, yes, mom, I’m not gonna talk, I’m going to stop talking but look at that bird, why did it do that, ooh, it flew by the store, can we go to that store after this ….

    He grew out of it.

    I recommend being firmer than Alison suggests. Tell her you need her help, she is preventing you from doing your job well and you need her to stop talking out loud. And then every time she does it, you must say something out loud. Say: is this work related? I can only talk about work. And follow up with, that is not work related, let me know how this is related to work.

    This will be stressful for you, maybe worse than just tuning her out. But it is the only way for her to see just how much she is doing it.

    Reply ↓
  39. Festively Dressed Earl*

    LW says they’ve been direct with Miranda, but the example of “Sorry, I can’t talk right now” isn’t actually addressing the root problem directly. Has LW actually said to Miranda “Please stop telling me all the extraneous details of whatever you’re thinking. All the extra information is making it difficult for me to work”? Additionally, is Miranda doing the same thing to LW’s coworkers? If so, it might help to have them chime in to LW’s boss as well.

    Reply ↓
  40. old curmudgeon*

    I worked for seven years with a woman who had no inner monologue. Four of us accountants shared a large office, and she literally Never. Shut. Up. no matter what we were doing or what time pressure we were under. It took me several years and a lot of determination to learn to tune out the constant running babble, although there were times when her unrestrained commentary was downright hilarious, so I’d always keep half an ear open, so to speak, in case she happened to drop any particularly amusing observations.

    She was a genuinely lovely person, very caring and warm, and I actually really liked her. She had lived alone for decades and I think her inner monologue just became external as part of wanting to have some sort of audible conversation going on around her.

    But it was definitely a challenge to focus on analyzing a financial statement with Chatty Cathy disgorging another stream-of-consciousness flood of inconsequentialities over there on the other side of the office. To the OP, I sympathize, and if you aren’t able to just completely tune Miranda out, then I do think the recommendations for a flat-out “Stop Talking To Me NOW” are your only hope of gaining a modicum of peace and quiet. And good luck in your job hunt!

    Reply ↓
    1. londonedit*

      I have a friend like this. In her case I think it’s a combination of her ADHD meaning she feels the need to ‘narrate’ everything that’s in her head, and her anxiety meaning she gets anxious if there’s a silence or a break in conversation. So she fills every second with babbling. She’ll say something like ‘Oh, I didn’t tell you, do you know Steve who works in my office?’ and even if I say no, sorry, I don’t remember a Steve, she’ll carry on regardless with ‘…oh, well, anyway, Steve who works in my office was saying that his daughter wants to start doing gymnastics, and I said to him that I didn’t know where the nearest class was but then I thought hang on didn’t I see something at the local gym about gymnastics, and I wonder whether that’s for kids, so I think tomorrow maybe I’ll say to him about that, and then he can see whether it might be suitable, but maybe I should look online first, because I’m not sure of all the details…’ AARGH. In many other ways she’s a lovely person and a great friend, but you do have to prepare yourself for the fact that if you’re spending any time with her you really won’t get a word in edgeways! We go for a run together every few weeks, and have a coffee afterwards, and after a solid couple of hours of her monologuing at me I genuinely do feel the need to go home and sit in silence for a while!

      Reply ↓
  41. Bluz*

    I don’t have any advice since everyone has posted my ideas but wanted to tell the LW that this person sounds exhausting. I think you’ll have to be rude to put a stop to this since she’s being rude interrupting your work. Good luck.

    Reply ↓
  42. EA*

    Be more direct. It feels rude but needs to be done if she just doesn’t get it. In your example, you need to cut her off and tell her to stop talking. Miranda: “Yeah, I know, I’m just…” You: “I’m going to stop you there because I really need to focus and listening to this is distracting to me. Thanks for understanding.”

    I would honestly wear headphones most of the time, and if there are any complaints about your attention to reception duties, your boss already knows about the Miranda issue. I also like the suggestion made by other posters to ask for Miranda to be moved.

    Reply ↓
  43. Former Gremlin Herder*

    Oof. You’re going to have to set boundaries with her in a way that is uncomfortable, but remember, SHE’S the one making it weird, not you. Make her aware of the problem, ask for the resolution you need, and thereafter follow up with “this is what we talked about, please cease narrating your day to me so I can focus” I say this as a fellow external processor who has worked really hard to develop an awareness of when I’m annoying people with my endless talking-she’s being wildly rude!

    Reply ↓
  44. Sweet 'N Low*

    I can relate to Miranda far more than I’d like. The biggest difference between us is that I’ve worked hard to develop a sense of self-awareness. I think that’s important context for the advice I’m going to give.

    If Miranda is a kind, considerate person, she’ll be absolutely mortified that she’s been negatively impacting you like this. She would absolutely want to know and would be receptive to you setting a firm boundary.

    If Miranda *isn’t* a kind, considerate person… who cares what she thinks? Set the boundary, be relentless about maintaining the boundary. If she feels insulted or thinks you’re rude, refer back to: she is not a kind person.

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  45. Canadian cheese*

    My wife had this issue with a couple of coworkers, but ONLY when she was covering reception. For some reason, if she was at reception, they decided she wasn’t working and therefore it was ok to chat. (Not sure why they thought that. Reception is one of the busiest jobs I’ve ever held). She started doing the Nanny bedtime thing with them. The first attempt at engagement, she’d brightly reply “Do you have any information about the teapot project? That’s what I’m working on for Big Boss. No? Okay, please send me an email about your issue. I’ll reply in the next 60 min.” The second attempt was shorter “I’m swamped with project teapot. No time to chat” After that, she blatantly ignored them.
    It took a few months, but they caught on eventually

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    1. Paint N Drip*

      This is an interesting observation! I wonder if it has something to do with a subconscious idea that receptionists are doing less (nothing?) or are there for your entertainment/pleasure or something similar

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  46. Broccoli Soup*

    I’m also reading the situation as Miranda sits near the LW, and she likes to socialize. I’d have an awfully hard time with this too. Pretty sure I have ADHD, and struggle to tune stuff out. I can’t have a phone conversation when someone is trying to talk to me in person. It’s as if the two conversations cancel each other out and I hear neither. It’s hard to overcome, and exhausting to try to tune out.

    If that’s what it’s like for you too, noise canceling headphones may help but they may not solve the problem entirely. I think you may need to just start saying “hey Miranda, I need to focus and I can’t if you’re talking to me.” And then when she starts up again, lather, rinse, repeat. Interrupt her: “Miranda. I need to concentrate.”
    “Miranda, I need to concentrate, can you wait until noon to tell me your work thing?”

    For meetings with your boss – I can’t hardly remember things off the top of my head regardless of if I’ve been deluged with inane chatter all day. I’ve learned to say “here, let me confirm that” and flip through my paper calendar I have in hand and confirm on the spot. Being able to find accurate info quickly is often just as good as having an immaculate memory/recall. Write all the shit down in one place, frequently reorganize/update it. Don’t trust post its. Pencil and erasable Frixion brand pens are your best friends here. Get a planner you like and can carry everywhere. I can elaborate, but the key is that you know you have the info and that you can find it. Absolve yourself of the belief that you have to have a perfect memory!

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  47. sometimeswhy*

    This is (probably) not a viable solution but in my fantasy retelling, this feels very much like a problem in need of an air horn.

    “I have always kept my keys in this pottery duck so I could fi…” BWAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!
    “So I says to Mabel, I sa…” BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!
    “Does this milk smell off to y…” BWAAANANANANANANAAAA!!

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  48. KaraokeGirl*

    I was in a 17-year relationship with an external processor. The constant chatter was one of the reasons I ended it.

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    1. Generic Name*

      Ooh, wasn’t there a Captain Awkward post about this? I mean, not your exact situation, but someone else out there (presumably) wrote in about this same issue.

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  49. Sylvia*

    Can you wear a phone headset so that Miranda never knows when you are actually talking to someone? Then when she tries to interrupt, you can tell her you’re on the phone and to email you, or just ignore her and pretend you’re talking to someone else. I’m assuming that she respects the phone, but if she doesn’t, that would be another point to bring up to the manager. Not a permanent solution, but hopefully after a while she’ll find someone to talk to who has better availability.

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  50. Raida*

    If the Boss is so action-averse, suggest inventing a reason why Miranda is moving desks.

    Oh we have a person that we want to be able to ask Reception questions and shadow them during the day to get a handle on interactivity in the business.
    Oh this location has been identified as an ideal storage space for the larger section so we’re going to put in a couple of cabinets and Miranda will move to Y location.
    Oh a fire safety check stated this is the ideal thoroughfare so we’re removing the desk but don’t worry Miranda, you have a desk! It is over here out of earshot of Reception.

    Me being me, I would also consider “oh no! Miranda’s desk’s ethernet and power is rooted! Well obviously until that is figured out you can work from Desk X.” and never move her back.

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  51. Jennifer*

    A really straightforward thing the letter writer could try is to send Miranda an email, copy manager (and any other relevant authority figures), stating: “Please send me any important work-related information via email. I prefer to have anything in writing to help stay organized.” Then when she comes over to your desk to chat you can say, “hey I have a lot going on right now – if you need something please send me an email and I will get to it as soon as I can.” It may not work on someone as persistent as Miranda, but it gives her some way to let you know information without overwhelming you and can help reinforce the boundary you are trying to draw. Plus, if she repeatedly ignores your boundary you can reply all to the original email and say, “reminder – please send me any important work information via email.” Each time you do that, your manager is CC’d and it is in writing, which is harder to ignore.

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  53. 15 pieces of flair*

    Years ago I had a Miranda but with the added bonus of my Miranda being extremely cantankerous and work adverse. If she didn’t like you she wouldn’t do her required job that affected you and she would barely say two words to you and make it impossible for you to get what you need. But, if she did like you she quite literally never stopped talking. She was a receptionist and we had two but one retired and in the interim I had to cover the other’s desk sometimes. I was also given my normal tasks to complete. My Miranda liked me so she literally never stopped talking to me the entire time I was there but also wouldn’t answer her phone if it rang, so I had to field her requests. One time she was in the middle of telling me a story and our department head came in to request something from her. He didn’t interrupt her and just let her keep talking and I was just aghast at the whole situation but she liked him and he knew he just had to wait until she was done to get what he needed. She was protected by the union so there was nothing anyone could do but wait until she retired. During this time, my boss had given me 100s of files to consolidate which included ferpa protected information and accuracy was paramount. I finally went to him because I’d barely made any progress bc of my Miranda and I was worried my job would be in jeopardy. He told me it was okay and sometimes he has to purposely shut his door to be able to get his work done! My boss also had to explicitly tell Miranda that I had special permission to use “her” copier (it was the entire floor’s copier but she wouldn’t let anyone use it without special permission) since I was covering reception I was on a different floor and couldn’t reasonably go down to my floor to use that copier. Even though I was one of the ones she liked she took my permission very poorly. I left that job a long time ago but I’ve stayed in touch and I found out she finally retired! So happy for everyone bc they were able to rewrite her position and they have someone who’s great, capable of handling some higher level work, and actually does more that chat and watch videos all day

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  55. Medico*

    One of the cleaners in our office is similar. She would be a spy’s dream find because she talks about anything and everything and whatever she’s seen or heard is fair game, up to and including rude observations about other people’s weight gain during covid lockdowns and detailed descriptions of medical conditions in the lunch room. And she just does not stop! Unlike Miranda she does know she does it. She has given people permission to just walk away if she’s cornered them and I’ve explained to her that I don’t want to talk to anyone when I’m in the break room and she doesn’t corner me about things. I really feel for LW. I only have to deal with a chatterbox every now and again, not constantly.
    Is there HR that can be pulled in on this? Or a white noise machine to muffle her somewhat?

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    1. Paint N Drip*

      omg this flavor of chatterer makes me SO angry – it isn’t your information to share!! More than one person in my life has been put on an info diet because they just cannot help themselves from sharing anything and everything

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  56. Admin 22*

    Someone may have mentioned this, but is possible to request that the chatter box be moved the furtherest distance they can from the OP. Maybe stick someone near the receptionist that doesn’t like to be disturbed and is vocal about it. Maybe two voices would get the message across. Especially if it’s a further Miranda to walk to talk to her.

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  57. CM*

    I feel like both the OP and the comments are being really harsh on Miranda? Miranda and the OP have very different communication styles and preferences. It doesn’t sound like the OP has actually laid it all out for Miranda, including the impact that Miranda’s talking is having on their work — I think saying, “Hey Miranda, I can’t get my work done with interruptions, and I’m missing details and finding it too hard to focus when we talk about non-work stuff during the work day. I don’t mean to sound unfriendly, but I’m going to need to keep it to work only, so I’ll need to cut off our conversations, and sometimes I’ll ask you to just put something in an email instead of talking about it.” And then when Miranda starts talking about her bike, say, “I’m so sorry, I need to focus on work and can’t listen to this.” And then when she says, “No, but my bike…” the OP can go back to, “No, as I said, I need to focus on work and can’t listen to this.” And if she still persists, then I think OP can take the ruder approach and say, “Miranda. I’m sorry but I need you to stop talking now.”

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    1. enough with the chatter*

      See, I did all that, and it didn’t work. Nothing worked. Remember, reasons are for reasonable people.

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  58. fine-tipped pen aficionado*

    LW I worked with someone like this and the only solution I worked out was to leave. I hope you have better luck and please write back with an update no matter how it goes!

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  59. Emily Byrd Starr*

    Having your boss tell Miranda not to interrupt you when you are working definitely would qualify for an accommodation under the ADA.

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  60. Sue*

    Request accommodations for your ADHD. Tell your boss & HR that you need her to stop interrupting you unless it is work-related. Whenever she starts talking about something non-work related, tell her to remember your accommodations. Or just ask her if she ever shuts up. She probably won’t talk to you again.

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  61. enough with the chatter*

    I worked with someone like this. I laid it out very clearly, “I can’t listen to you talk and also concentrate on the work I need to do.” At first, I would say that, politely, each day and then turn to my work, ignoring her. But Every. Single. Day. it was “oh, I know you don’t like talking to me.” “No, I just can’t listen to you talk and concentrate on my work.” “Boo hoo, why won’t anyone talk to me? You’re not very nice, are you?” and on and on. I just had to quit and go work somewhere else.

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  62. Workfromhome*

    Not to make light of it in any way but if the OP has ADHD then its a bit of get out jail free card. even if boss really doesn’t want to deal with it having an accommodation for a diagnosed condition isn’t really “optional”

    Maybe a conversation like this: “Boss as you know I have ADHD. In order to accommodate my condition I cannot function being interrupted by non wok related chatter from Miranda 16 times a day. My condition simply will not allow me to do my job with this. Can you determine what kind of accommodation can be made here and get back to me. (It might be moving Miranda, it might be something else). Ill follow up the request for accommodation in an Email so it can be formalized but while you work though this I want you to be aware that as a stop gap I will need to be very firm and direct with Miranda until you figure out the next step. I will say Miranda I need to focus . Please send me any work related requests in an email I’ll need you to move away and stop talking to me. If she does not stop I will repeat once please stop talking now and if it continues ill leave the room. This may result in reception being unattended. I want you to know this in advance so that there are no question about my behaviour” Then send hat follow up eail. At least you will have documentation to protect yourself that you asked for an “accommodation” and that you cant be accused of rudeness.

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