I’m working for my parents’ company — and my colleagues are being jerks

by Alison Green on April 22, 2025

A reader writes:

Through a bit of misfortune, I had to fall back on working at the company my parents own, in order to pay my bills. It is a challenging job market, to say the least, so I am grateful that I have this safety net I can fall back on. However, it isn’t without its own league of challenges: my coworkers have taken to making complaints about me to my parents, who are the bosses, about issues that quite frankly seem petulant.

In one case, one coworker was noting what times I was clocking in and made a complaint when I clocked in three hours earlier than everybody else to finish paperwork in peace without any interruptions. (Because I am neurodivergent, it is very difficult for me to finish a task if I am constantly being distracted by requests, phone calls, and other distractions that happen during business hours.)

Another time, the same coworker lodged a complaint because she didn’t see my car in the parking lot and assumed I had not clocked out. After that, I parked my car across the street at another lot and caught her walking around outside our parking lot as if she was looking for my car despite me being at work. I can’t help but feel that this seems very targeted and purposeful because I’m the bosses’ adult child.

In another situation, I was given a stack of paperwork that my coworkers had been sitting on for weeks and was then blamed for not finishing the reports by the time they were due. Because they sat on the paperwork so long, some of them were due next day or already overdue.

I’m not new to working and have a bachelor’s with 10 years of work experience in various fields, and I’m not under-qualified in any way for my current job.

My parents don’t want to give the appearance of favoritism or nepotism, so when these people are making these complaints they’re not quite sure how to navigate it either. It is incredibly frustrating to work with people who shift blame and continue to complain about trivial or petty things when they should be minding their own business.

How can my parents and I implement a strategy for dealing with this that isn’t going to drive us all crazy?

It’s good that your parents don’t want to create the appearance (or the actuality) of favoritism, but they also shouldn’t go so far in the other direction that they’re ignoring real issues or allowing you to be mistreated.

It might be useful for you to ask — and for them to think about — how they would handle it if an employee who wasn’t related to them was being targeted in this way. Hopefully they’d shut it down, and that’s what they should do here too.

The next time someone raises a baseless or trivial complaint about you, they should do exactly what they would if you were any other employee. Presumably that means they should say to the complainer, “It’s not your job to track what time other employees clock in and out. If something is interfering with your ability to do your job, please raise it but you should not be monitoring your coworkers’ schedules.” And/or, “Jane has permission to work the schedule she’s working. Please do not continue to monitor colleagues in this way.”

If someone gives you work that they sat on for weeks and then gets upset when it’s not finished on time (or if it was already overdue by the time it came to you!), that’s something you can try addressing yourself first: “It looks like this came to us three weeks ago but wasn’t assigned to me until yesterday, which created a time crunch. Can we develop a better system so that doesn’t happen?” And if it continues to happen, escalate it — either to your manager or to theirs.

Basically, both you and your parents need to handle it exactly the way you would handle if none of you were related.

But bigger picture, they should also try to figure out what’s at the root of people’s resentment. Do they feel you got a job that you don’t deserve? Do you have knowledge gaps that are making their jobs harder? (And if so, are those gaps normal for any new hire but landing differently now because you’re the boss’s kid, or is any of that frustration legitimate?) Do they feel like you’re being held to a different set of rules than they are? (And if so, are you?) Was there already a culture problem in the organization that had people primed to be extra sensitive to any perceived unfairness? Are people frustrated with the organization’s management for other reasons and see you as a symptom of those broader problems?

In a reasonably healthy organization, it would be pretty unusual to respond to the owners’ kid the way you’ve described. People might assume you’re getting special treatment, but usually they’d assume that special treatment would make it a particularly bad idea to treat you as an enemy. The fact that they instead feel licensed to openly hassle you says something else might be going on in the culture there … which your parents should dig into, totally independent of whatever is happening around you.

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{ 289 comments }

{ 289 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Zona the Great*

    I’d love to know the quality of work the complainers are producing. IME, these types are underperformers and don’t know how to improve so they dog their colleagues. However, in this case it really could just be being the boss’s kid that makes them insecure.

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    1. AndersonDarling*

      I was wondering the same. Are they thinking the owner’s employee is there to spy on them? Then they would want to discredit the employee right away.

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      1. MK*

        If they thought the onwners sent their kid to spy on the rest of the employees, complaining about non-issues is hardly a safe response.

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        1. GammaGirl1908*

          And quite frankly, even if they are correct that the kid is sharing information, the company owners are well within their rights to listen to their kid. Not only is it perfectly acceptable for different categories of employees to have different parameters, but, indeed, family members in a family business have access everyone doesn’t have.

          Someone is surprised about this?

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          1. MigraineMonth*

            Reporting possible nepotism to the presumed source of that nepotism is not the power move these coworkers seem to think it is.

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            1. Oregonbird*

              It’s as if it is destined to blow up in their faces. If the ringleader is discovered by instant confession, I will weep for the human race.

              Where is our unalienably devious, self-protective human nature in the office? You’d expect more newsworthy HR fiesta file fiasco survivors, this time of year. It’s spring, I long for the romance of an office driven into the ditch in an epic telltale-all.

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        2. Hot Flash Gordon*

          It’s a common manipulation tactic – distract leadership with a bunch of BS complaints so that they’re too busy trying to get to the bottom of those complaints rather than turning the lens back to the complainer. I’ve dealt with a few lunch and time card watchers in my time and I start by asking “Why are you watching for when Jane clocks in/takes breaks/etc? That seems to be taking up a lot of your time, are you running out of work to do?” Usually they don’t want to answer that truthfully and give some BS answer, then I give them the speech that Alison suggested.

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    2. Oui oui oui all the way home*

      It does sound like it could be a poor performer who is trying to discredit LW so that anything LW were to tell their parents about that employee’s poor performance wouldn’t be as credible.

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  2. Nesprin*

    It’s entirely understandable that your coworkers could be suspicious of the bosses’ kid. You’ve received special treatment- you were hired by your parents in a rough job market! It might be worth keeping your head down and trying harder to fit in, and giving your new coworkers a lot of grace until you prove yourself.

    It isn’t clear how long you’ve worked at the company- do flexible work schedules usually kick in later than your tenure? Are you taking advantage of any other perks?

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    2. biobotb*

      Yeah, I feel like the LW left out context that would help shed light on how valid their coworkers’ complaints are. If no one else is allowed to pick when they clock in/out, then yeah, being able to clock in three hours early just because it’s convenient for the LW would be pretty unfair and deserving of complaint.

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      1. A*

        I would say rather than complaining it should be trying yo argue that it’s a valid oath for everyone, and trying to get LW on their side to argue for it

        I feel like if I had a coworker being given flexibility nobody else in the team is, my first question would be asking them or my manager why. “I see that Taylor is able to set a more flexible schedule and work early, can you talk to me about what factors go into the decision to allow it?”

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      2. Snarkus Aurelius*

        If the owners previously denied scheduling flexibility to someone else, but the LW was allowed to do it, then, yes, the complaint is valid.

        You know, because Linda in accounting can listen to her radio at a reasonable volume and all that…

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        1. Nomic*

          The are indeed.

          But if only the child of the owners gets that benefit then it’s reasonable for others to complain. What people are asking here is, “are you receiving perks you don’t realize you are receiving that other employees are not?”

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          1. Owl*

            That’s kind of the point of having a family business, though. Family members are going to get perks, that’s part of it.

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            1. TM*

              Meh, that might fly if it’s a management role. But if you’re working “on the floor” as a regular worker in a team, it’s a bit crap if you’re not adhering to the team norms (to a reasonable degree). I mean, sure, the fam can probably do what it wants, but it’s hardly professional if their work behaviour is sloppy.
              That said, this team sounds like a bunch of @rseholes. Unless there is some customer service aspect that involves specific operational hours that the LW isn’t pulling their weight on, or the team has previously asked for flexible working arrangements and been knocked back, LW’s hours are absolutely not their concern. As for the parking monitor, my only thought is “FFS”.
              My main caveat would be what’s been expressed before – maybe the team didn’t realise a flexible arrangement was possible until it was demonstrated (right in their faces, so to speak). So, if it is something that would be available to them, but new to everyone, they should probably spell out a policy for consistency’s sake. e.g. people can start flexibly x days a week, but everyone must be present for core hours of 9 am to 2pm (or whatever).

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        2. Ex-Teacher*

          >People are allowed to have different schedules.

          But that’s the core of the problem. If LW is allowed a different schedule, but all the other employees are not allowed the same flexibility, then the rest of the team has a valid complaint. One employee getting special perks because of who they are related to is something valid to complain about.

          The response is to bring the complaint to management, not to harass and sabotage the employee. That’s where these employees are going wrong.

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          1. Takki*

            It depends on if it’s because LW is the child of the owners, or if it’s because the position they have can have leeway. If they’re supposed to have minimum service levels/coverage/availabliliy to clients, customers, or other employees and LW is getting away with neglecting a job duty by clocking in 3 hours early, that’s not right.

            On the other hand, if LW’s presence isn’t required during certain hours for job reasons and anyone else in that position would have the same leeway for start time, it’s completely fine. It’s not just different people get different schedules, but different positions do as well.

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      4. MigraineMonth*

        The flexibility is because they’re the owner’s son. Maybe the flexibility is because of their role, or because they asked for one-time permission from their manager. Or maybe it’s an accommodation for a disability (such as neurodivergence) that is none of the coworkers’ business.

        Even if it were nepotism, what would be the purpose of this kind of petty complaint (particularly since unless they’re alleging timecard fraud, it’s presumably obvious when LW is working)? Can people please just keep their eyes on their own work?

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        1. Ariaflame*

          Child. You were not given any information that suggested it was their son. As per common practice here I read it the other way.

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      5. Lenora Rose*

        People keep jumping on this, but there are at least two other examples of coworker behaviour to address; the weird obsession with the parking spot and claiming that not seeing a car means someone was “Clocked out” (WTF?) and dropping off already overdue forms then blaming the LW for them being late.

        If people are going to point out reasons why one thing may or may not be a perk, then they should see if it applies across all examples, not pick one and say “This is why LW really is a nepo baby who should suck it up.”

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      6. spaceelf*

        The LW said that early clock in was due to some kind of neurodivergence. It can be easily framed as a valid accommodation.

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      7. JSPA*

        An accommodation (with or without an official agreement) isn’t “convenience,” and it’s also not the coworker’s business, though.

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    3. Frerin*

      While it may be *understandable*, it is neither professional nor mature to act out on it. And nitpicking OP’s schedule and sabatoging their workflow is acting out, make no mistake. There may be nothing OP can do but “keep their head down”, because we live in an imperfect world and sometimes there are no good solutions, but framing this as OP’s problem is, I think, unfair and unwarranted by the letter as presented.

      As for OP “taking advantage” of perks… Not sure I’d ever complain about a coworker starting work *earlier* than me, unless it’s retail and that means they avoid the busy hours. Given the discussion of paperwork, that doesn’t seem to be the case. But I would agree that it would be worth reviewing their habits and schedules to see if any glaring disparities between them and other employees exists.

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      1. Just drinking my coffee*

        This!! I also read that and wondered if other employees were allowed flexible schedules. If they’re not, I see why that’s frustrating to the other employee. However, OP mentioned being neurodiverse so it could be seen as an accommodation. There’s just a lot of factors that make it hard to say definitively. All that said though, all the coworker should do is flag it as something that is affecting them, IF it is. Had they asked for a flexible schedule and been denied? Then yea, I’d be upset if the owner’s kid was allowed to do it after that. But ultimately, another person’s schedule and where their car is parked (???) is none of their business.

        The car thing is totally bananapants. If someone reported that to me, I’d ask what they didn’t get done that day because they were too busy trolling the parking lot looking for a car.

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        1. Slow Gin Lizz*

          Yeah, it kind of reminds me of some of the bananapants stories we’ve heard on here about people being super petty about their parking spaces to the point where they spend more time protecting and/or getting upset about their parking spaces than actually doing any work.

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      2. Seashell*

        There can be a lot of reasons people might want to come in early (and presumably leave early) – child/pet care, missing the worst of the traffic, getting a good parking spot at the train station, being an early riser. One person’s torture could be another person’s perk.

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        1. Deborah*

          Being handed a giant stack of tasks to complete, some of which are due the next day, some of which were due YESTERDAY, sounds like a really good reason to come in 3 hours early!!!!

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      3. MigraineMonth*

        I have a coworker who has an accommodation that they’re allowed to start work at 5am several times a week. I have never once envied them their “flexible” schedule.

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        1. JustaTech*

          I had a coworker who had a formal accommodation to work a slightly reduced schedule (36 hours), and also started (in office) at like 6:30am. I don’t know if the start time was also part of her accommodation, because we don’t have set hours.
          I had another coworker at the same time who didn’t have any formal accommodations (to my knowledge), but worked a very late shifted schedule.

          Christine (the early one) was *irate* that Fred (the late one) worked a late schedule, because it never occurred to her that he worked a whole 8 hours after coming in at noon. (I literally had to point this out, at which point she did stop complaining about it.)

          So even people with accommodations can be unhappy about other people having a flexible schedule.

          Personally I would not want either of their schedules!

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      4. Resentful Oreos*

        I know, right! All the complaints I hear are about coworkers who roll in late. Clocking in early seems like it would give a *good* impression rather than otherwise. (Unless everyone wanted to come in early to beat traffic or whatever and nobody was left to cover the later hours.)

        And looking for the LW’s car sounds like the coworker was trying to get the LW in trouble. If my coworker is there, it doesn’t really matter if they drove, parked, took the bus, used a fleet of carrier pigeons – their parking tickets are not my problem. Their presence is all that matters.

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        1. JustaTech*

          The only think I can think is a combination of people seeing the LW “leave early” not realizing (or believing) that they got in 3 hours early, and the car thing is more of that (I guess thinking that the LW went home without clocking out and was therefore “stealing time”?
          It’s obnoxious and the kind of thing that can be cleared up with a simple conversation “Hey LW, when did you get in?” “Oh, I was here at 5 to get through my paperwork. I want to be sure it’s ready for everyone else.”
          But no, the coworkers are making rude assumptions and not even asking basic questions.

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      5. londonedit*

        I’m guessing the complaint was less about the OP coming in three hours earlier, but I assume that means they were also leaving three hours earlier. I’d assume that’s what people were complaining about – the classic ‘Oh, look at Jane swanning out of here at 3pm’ when no one actually realises that Jane’s actually been working since 7am because they weren’t there to see it.

        It is all ridiculous (especially the bit about people monitoring where the OP is parking their car! WTF??) but I agree that there might just be some sort of kernel of – not exactly truth, but validity – to the complaints that’s nevertheless getting blown out of proportion. If other people really want to be able to flex their working hours by three hours either way, and they can’t, and then all they’re seeing is Jane swanning out at 3pm or whatever, I can see how that might breed resentment. Especially as the OP is the owners’ child. Some sort of ‘Yes, I come in at 7am so I have a few hours to work quietly on my own – it helps me focus before things get really busy’ might help – but only if that’s something everyone has the opportunity to do if they want to.

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        1. Peter the Bubblehead*

          It can often work in both directions. I have a co-worker who typically arrives when the office opens – 5:30am – and leaves at 1:30pm on the dot. Other co-workers doing the same or similar job typically arrive anywhere from 6:30am to 7:30am and co-worker 1 would constantly complain how he has to do so much more work than anyone else, but never haveing the self-consciousness to realize:
          A. The other co-workers are arriving an hour later than him but likewise leaving an hour later – an hour of work he never witnesses.
          B. Typically, between chatting up other early co-workers in other groups, getting his coffee, getting his breakfast, using the bathroom, starting his computer, logging into his computer, etc, it’s anywhere from 6:15 to 7am before he even starts his own work.
          After several co-workers grew tired of the accusations, the task manager conducted an unannounced audit of work completed, and determined Worker 1 usually completed only 75-90% of the amount of work his co-workers completed in a typical 8 hour day. Then he started complaining about how he’s being watched all the time and other people are getting away with stuff he can never get away with.

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    4. Analytical Tree Hugger*

      Disagree.

      First, the purpose of a family business is to support a family. If an employees isn’t able to understand that, they may not be working at the right place.

      Second, none of the facts that LW shared are worthy of complaint. Coming in early is hardly a perk; it would be slightly more understandable if it was about LW coming in after they were suppose to clock-in, but still 100% agree with AAM that it’s not up to ANY coworker to track another coworker’s schedule unless it has an impact on their own work. There have been multiple letters to AAM about this and it’s just as ridiculous here.

      Third, as @Arrietty said, none of this is up to a coworker to evaluate. Coworkers don’t get to decide whether someone was worth of the job; a coworker can say, “I need [New Coworker] to be at this level or else it interferes with my job; how can we solve this?” But you’re implying they get to decide whether coworker deserves a job (and coworkers don’t have that right).

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      1. metadata minion*

        Coming in early is a perk if you like early hours! That said, the only reason I can see for it being a legitimate thing to complain about is if it’s putting an unfair pressure on other employees to respond to phone calls and other interruptions that are supposed to be shared among all of them.

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      2. RegBarclay*

        How is coming in early NOT a perk? Where I work, people almost always want the 7-330 schedules instead of 830-5. There are a few night owls that don’t (or even want a later shift like 10-630) but that’s uncommon.

        It’s quieter, less traffic, and you get out early. What’s not to love? If OP can flex her hours while others can’t, I can see getting upset.

        Though like others have said, normally people know the boss’s kid can get away with pretty much anything, so it’s really weird that people are actually complaining here.

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        1. Lydia*

          Not everywhere would consider coming in early a perk since for most people, it’s just the schedule they work. I work a slightly adjusted schedule for the reasons you give, but everyone here has the option of coming in between 6am to 9am, whichever suits them best.

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        2. Lily Rowan*

          I am definitely not a night owl, but I would never want to work a 7am shift on a regular basis. That is not unusual, I think! There’s a reason “standard business hours” aren’t usually that early.

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        3. SB*

          oh god, I would absolutely hate my life I had to start working and be FUNCTIONAL at 7am every day.

          The local coffee shops don’t open until 6:30am, my dog’s daycare opens at 7am, and I’m definitely not hitting the gym before work, which is when I prefer to exercise.

          Flexible work schedules for me are a perk. (I can be at my desk by 9, which is great) Starting work at 7am would make cry and find a new job.

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          1. SB*

            also, I think it’s weird that we’re calling flexible hours a perk, because that just feels like a basic time management skills of an adult. But I may have been salaried for too long to realize that.

            I have core hours where I have to be onsite/available between 9am -3pm….but how early I start or how late I work is up to me.

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          2. Resentful Oreos*

            I don’t want to sound like a smug lark but I loved coming in at 7 AM and getting work done in peace and quiet. (That does mean I’m useless and in bed by 8 on the flip side!) It’s only a problem if this means everyone is out the door at 3 and nobody is left to answer questions or do work after that.

            Most businesses have “Core Hours” and people work around them, except for those who have to be on a schedule (receptionists, food service, retail).

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            1. CatMintCat*

              I am not a morning person in any way, starting at 7am would be a total deal breaker. But, I am quite happy to stay later and work in the peace and quiet of the end of the day. So, you go at three, and I’ll stay till six or seven. The office is covered 7 till 7 instead of 9 to 5. Sounds like a win/win to me, but employers rarely seem to see it.

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          3. Elizabeth West*

            I worked it for years in food service/retail and manufacturing. Not a morning person and I’m done with it. To me, being able to come in at 8:00-8:30 is a perk of “graduating” to being an office worker.

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            1. Peter the Bubblehead*

              Having come from a military career where I was often ‘on call 24/7’ for years at a time, changing to an office job where I only needed to work 40 hours a week seemed like a real perk. When I began my office position, I chose to work 8am to 4pm. Over time I started to realize: Coming in at 8am made it hard to find a decent parking space, so I moved my start time up 30 minutes; School busses started running in September and would delay my commute by anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes depending on where I ‘caught up’ to them, and unlike my own youth where a dozen kids all met up at one common stop in the neighborhood, these busses literally stop at every driveway along a major road, so I moved my start time up an hour; Discovered delivery trucks coming from a distribution hub along my commute all depart the hub right as I would be passing there and I would get stuck behind 6 to 8 box trucks on a one-lane road for 15 miles, so I moved my start time up another 30 minutes; finally I realized I might as well just come in when the door opens at 5:30am so I can work an extra hour each day Mon thru Thursday and start my weekend at 9:30am (nearly) every Friday.

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        4. Venus*

          It really depends on the culture.
          I have a completely flexible schedule, as do my hundreds of coworkers that I can see on this floor of our building, and almost no one is here on the days when I arrive at 8am. There are typically quite a few people still here at 5pm.

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        5. Eukomos*

          I’m a night owl by nature; getting to work at 8AM is hard enough, 7AM would be a nightmare for me! It would be a huge struggle to adjust my sleep schedule back like that.

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        7. MigraineMonth*

          Most of my team (including my manager) complain about 9am meetings being too damn early, and we all WFH and generally meet with cameras off. We’re blessed with one team member who needs to be on an early schedule for personal reasons, so we at least have coverage until everyone else signs in around or after 9:30.

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        8. Nanani*

          Sounds like a lot of the positives would disappear if this was standard though. If everyone started early, there would be more noise and traffic and whatnot earlier. Conversely, starting late (and thereby missing rush hour) has benefits too.

          Its not the early start that’s a perk. The perk is flexibility to start early if that works for you.
          There is nothing virtuous about mornings :)

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          1. allathian*

            Yes, hard agree on this. There’s nothing virtuous about mornings, but flexibility is great. I love being able to start work at 6:30 or 7, 7:30 at the latest when I WFH, simply because I’m completely useless after 3 PM and can only do very routine tasks unless I’m on an adrenaline high because of a tight deadline, and then I pay for it the next day. If I had to wait until 9 to start work, that would waste my most productive work hours and I’d be working on job applications in the morning hours.

            The real perk is being able to start at whatever time works best for you, within reason, as starting at noon when everyone else starts at 8 or 9 won’t work in most places, and also being able to stop working when your day is done without getting weird looks from your coworkers or complaints that “allathian’s never available because she always stops working at 3.”

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        9. kicking-k*

          I’m the 10-6.30 person. I have flexible hours, as everyone in my office does. The later start allows me to drop my child off for an 8.45 school start then travel to work, and the hour and a half at the end of the day is quiet and the phone doesn’t ring. And I admit I’m not a morning person at all.

          I wouldn’t object to an early-starting person, though, and we do have some. While I sometimes wonder if everyone who sees me come in “late” thinks I’m a slacker, it’s seldom caused any issues. I come in earlier if I have a rare early meeting.

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        10. Chirpy*

          I am not a morning person AT ALL, but I would be willing to make a 7am start work if I could leave at 3 every day, and the commute was short.

          (any earlier, or fluctuating start times, and it would be an absolute no. I do not function well before 6am, and do best with a consistent wake-up schedule if I have to be there early.)

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      3. bamcheeks*

        First, the purpose of a family business is to support a family. If an employees isn’t able to understand that, they may not be working at the right place.

        I don’t think is necessarily true. There are some family businesses which are overwhelmingly and obviously about supporting any and all family members, and others which operate more like any other business and just happen to have a husband-and-wife or a mother-and-daughter team at the helm. If you think you’re working for the latter and it suddenly behaves like the former, that would be cause for understandable disgruntlement. (Which does not mean these colleagues are expressing it in a useful or constructive way.)

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    5. Mad Harry Crewe*

      A little wary or cold towards a nepo hire is one thing. Monitoring schedule, location of car (!), or sabotaging work is another.

      LW, something is very weird here. Was your job open because someone was fired, or a beloved former employee left? Is the company mistreating its employees? Are all of these people under the same manager? Did somebody else want the job you got, and is mad about it? Is there a (perceived or real) gap between your qualifications/skills and the needs of the role?

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      2. Lenora Rose*

        OP did say they are qualified for the job, at least; whether their coworkers perceive otherwise is harder to gauge.

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      3. Boof*

        Yes either 1) coworkers are really unhappy because of something else or 2) this company has allowed a lot of bad employees to get away with stuff and drive out whoever they see fit to the point they think they can pull it on the owners’ offspring…!!

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      4. Resentful Oreos*

        I wondered the same thing. Maaaaaaybe the schedule could be excused if clocking in early meant that not enough people were left to stay after 4 PM or so. But monitoring the location of the car is bananacrackers. And sabotaging work is a cruel thing to do to an employee who is pulling their weight.

        I suspect someone’s nose is out of joint because OP is replacing a beloved former employee, or maybe the OP’s parents are bad bosses.

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      5. Irish Teacher.*

        Yes, I could understand coworkers being a bit wary around the owner’s son or daughter – still tough on them, but understandable that people would worry they would pass information back or even might resent them for having a safety net most don’t, even if the latter isn’t really rational – but the way these coworkers are behaving is just odd.

        I’d love an update if the LW ever finds out if there was something behind it.

        If they are worried about the LW “having the boss’s ear,” this seems particularly…badly judged.

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    6. Ellis Bell*

      None of these behaviours could be described as suspicion though. However suspicious I was of a nepotism hire, and I’ve experienced plenty, I might be cool in demeanor and not exactly overflowing with confidence towards the person before they’d proved themselves, but I definitely wouldn’t engage in this kind of petty harassment instead of doing my own work. It says a lot about their judgement that they don’t realise they’re showing their own lack of sense, nor do they see how ridiculous they’re being.

      Reply ↓
      1. Yankees fans are awesome!!*

        Hard agree, Ellis Bell. If I had to reduce myself to scoping out someone’s parking habits in order to “prove” that person’s workplace shortcomings, then I’m a petty jerk.

        Reply ↓
    7. Drago Cucina*

      Wasting work time looking for OP’s car is way over the line. OP needs to do the job, not cater to this co-worker’s made-up grievances. Asking about flexing their schedule as OP did is one thing. Sitting on work that will cause OP to fail is something else entirely.

      Reply ↓
      1. Heffalump*

        If coworker came to work early and looked for OP’s car on her own time, it would still be creepy.

        I was reminded of “My employee complains that her coworker has too much flexibility” from 8/18/21.

        Reply ↓
      2. AnotherOne*

        yeah, I wanna give everyone involved her the benefit of the doubt but the car thing is just strange.

        that said- if I was LW and I saw that happening again, I might just comment to other coworkers is everything okay with Coworker? I was just looking out the window and she seems to be wandering around the parking lot. Did her car get stolen? Should we call the police?

        cause someone who is behaving like this now could behave like this with every new employee, the difference is that this time they’re complaining to OP’s parents. cuz most of the issues seem to stem from one coworker.

        (the stack of papers is a separate issue and probably should be handled as a separate issue. cuz it could be a sign of all sorts of things.)

        Reply ↓
      3. I Have RBF*

        Yeah, there are two things that really stand out as over the line: Trying to track where and when their car is in the lot, and delaying work until it’s late before turning it over so that the final person in the chain gets blamed.

        The second is past petty grievances and straight into sabotage. The people doing it need to be on a PIP, at least, or fired for essentially trying to mess up other people’s work.

        The LW needs to start stamping when they receive documents so that there is a chain of custody or something, because that shit just doesn’t fly in my book. You don’t sabotage other coworkers, even if you think they are a 14k asshole fuckwit. Sabotage surrenders the high ground completely.

        Reply ↓
    8. Liz the Snackbrarian*

      The scheudling thing I get being upset about, looking out for LW’s car is bordering on kind of creepy behavior.

      Reply ↓
    9. NothingIsLittle*

      I might agree with you if the coworkers had only complained about OP coming in early (and possibly the paperwork if there was a misunderstanding), but walking across the street to find out where OP parked their car so you can monitor when they leave is beyond the pale in any professional situation. That sort of bananapants coworker will never be placated by any action OP could take.

      Reply ↓
      1. sparkle emoji*

        But it may look like “perks” to a coworker who doesn’t know about the need behind it, just that LW is the boss’s kid. That perception might be causing some of the issues.

        Reply ↓
        1. Lydia*

          People don’t owe anyone an explanation of their accommodations no matter how they’re perceived by their coworkers. See: the letter about the interns being upset they couldn’t wear tennis shoes, but that one lady gets to, ending up with all of them getting in big trouble.

          Reply ↓
          1. MigraineMonth*

            “But no one told us she was an amputee when we were complaining about her getting to break the dress code! We would have crafted our argument differently if we knew.”

            *sigh* At least those interns got a real learning experience.

            Reply ↓
        2. Dahlia*

          And having a special parking spot may look like a “perk” to someone who doesn’t know about the need behind it. It’s not their business regardless. Disabled people don’t need to disclose their disabilities to their coworkers so they feel better.

          Reply ↓
      2. Ex-Teacher*

        It’s hard to say based on a letter like this if we’re dealing with accommodations or perks. Yes, LW cites neurodivergence, but whether this really falls under reasonable accommodation or simply a perk of who your parents are is unclear.

        Reply ↓
    11. huh*

      Since the flexible scheduling is being granted due to LW’s neurodivergence, those are accommodations and aren’t the coworkers’ business. If they have concerns, they need to go to the owners, not waste everyone’s time with baseless complaints.

      Reply ↓
    12. (not that) Beth*

      Mmm, I don’t think this is fair.

      1) Yes, getting hired in a rough market was in and of itself special treatment. But per the letter, this is a job OP is qualified for, based on their experience and skill set. I don’t think it’s shocking for a business owner to hire their kid, who’s experienced in the same field, to fill a role that the kid is well qualified for.

      2) It doesn’t sound like OP is getting any particularly special perks. When we talk about flexible schedules as a perk, we usually mean being able to not be present for some standard work hours. Coming in early to work some extra hours while it’s quiet isn’t usually a problem. (I’m assuming OP is salaried. If they’re hourly, I could see either overtime pay or leaving early to balance an early start time being seen as more of a perk, especially if others can’t do the same. But they don’t mention either of those–and given how specific the complaints are, I feel like they’d come up!)

      3) Yes, it would be understandable for OP’s coworkers to be hesitant to trust OP under the circumstances. They might doubt OP’s skills or experience. They might worry that OP will share any complaints with the owners, or that any conflicts will be likely to go OP’s way. OP might need to let trust build over time to overcome those kinds of doubts. But that’s supposed to mean “do good work and let them come to trust you over time” or “understand that you might not be included in juicy gossip sessions,” not “take the blame for your coworkers’ overdue work that they handed off to you after the deadline had already passed”! What OP’s describing doesn’t seem like a fair or reasonable reaction to the circumstances–it’s really aggressive and mean.

      Reply ↓
      1. Fluffy Fish*

        Hard agree and adding my own thoughts –

        1) I’m sorry but if you work for a family business and then are shocked and dismayed that the family business hires family, you are a remarkably naive individual.

        2) Even if OP is getting these “perks” and others are not allowed to, the issue is with the owners not the OP. SO complaining abotu the OP is still off the mark.

        3) Blaming someone else for work you held up is beyond the pale. There’s simply no reason and this alone makes the complainers look pretty bad and unreliable narrators.

        Reply ↓
        1. misselphaba*

          “1) I’m sorry but if you work for a family business and then are shocked and dismayed that the family business hires family, you are a remarkably naive individual.”

          Wait till they find out about my good friend who gets a regular paycheck from her family’s business and doesn’t even hold a position there. It’s purely for tax purposes.

          Thems the breaks sometimes and that’s the “perk” of a family business.

          Reply ↓
          1. NotJane*

            Yeah, I once worked at a flower shop that was owned by an individual and his wife was on the payroll. She’d come in maybe once or twice a month for a few minutes and her “work” consisted of things like telling her husband that I didn’t need luxuries like a stool to sit on at the counter when I wasn’t actively taking orders from customers.

            Reply ↓
      2. Also-ADHD*

        If LW is neurodivergent and needed the quiet to complete that task, the kind of time shift they speak about isn’t a wild perk either (even if not salaried / getting OT or leaving early). It could be a normal workplace accommodation to shift the time.

        Frankly, I’m half-wondering if it’s the combination of being neurodivergent (prime target for bullying in many workplaces) and the boss’s kid that’s doing them in more than anything else.

        Reply ↓
      3. Pay it forward*

        To give you more context, I’m LW. In regards to pay, i’m not salaried, i’m hourly, and I do not work full time. For the days that I came in at couple hours before business hours, I didn’t leave early. So I was still present throughout the day to complete tasks that occur during business hours as well.

        Reply ↓
        1. Pyjamas*

          Thank you. That clears up any rational reason for the behavior.

          In the end, it’s a rough job market. Fire the blatant troublemaker and make clear the behavior is unacceptable. And actually, YOU can push back. You’re the owner’s son. If they died in an epidemic, you’d be taking over at least in the short run. I think you nredbro drip pretending to be a regular employee and accept you are a co-partner. And your parents need to do so too.

          Reply ↓
          1. Pyjamas*

            *Need to stop pretending

            * owner’s child. I don’t know your gender. Sorry

            (Ppl might actually be happier at open acknowledgment of your status, even if—especially if—neither you nor your parents use that to give you extra privileges. As other commenters have pointed out, it’s unlikely you’re the only target of the bully. Standing up to the bully and her followers will help others do the same. Seeing that the bullies can abuse even the owner’s child must be very demoralising)

            Reply ↓
        2. (not that) Beth*

          Hi LW! Ok, so 1) you’re not leaving your coworkers without coverage, and 2) if you’re part time, coming in for a few extra hours in the morning probably isn’t pushing you into OT pay territory. I’m sticking to what I said before: there’s no special perks in what you’re doing. Your coworkers are just being mean to you.

          I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! I’d be very stressed if my coworkers were acting like this.

          Reply ↓
    13. Susannah*

      LW came to work three hours EARLY – not 3 hours late. Sounds mot like co-workers are petty and generally resentful, and LW is an easy target for them.
      I’ve seen places where a group mobs up to bully someone into quitting. This sounds like that situation.
      And looking for LW’s car? WTAF?!

      Reply ↓
    15. Pay it forward*

      I’m LW. At the company, anybody can request flexible hours. Almost everybody including me has swipe in access to the company so it’s not like a manager has to be there to let somebody in early. For the days I came in early, I didn’t leave earlier. I’m hourly and I do not get any overtime.

      As for my qualifications, I mentioned in a comment below, that I worked in a managerial level job at a hospital corporate office previously as well as in several other jobs before that. My job now is not managerial, it’s an assistant position. I’m just there to assist with whatever the company needs help with, sometimes that’s troubleshooting IT, computer, and printing issues, answering phones, responding to customer emails, data entry and filing paperwork, sorting mail, etc. I even vacuum the office floors. There’s nothing glamorous about my job, it’s not very exciting and engaging either. This is not a dream job, it’s a survival job. There’s a lot of things that I never had to do as a manager and I don’t have any qualms about doing them. My manager-level experience would make me overqualified to be an assistant, I took a significant pay cut compared to what I was making before. To give you perspective I had even applied to be a cashier in retail and always got rejected for being overqualified. Working at my parent’s company was the last option after I exhausted all my other options of applying and waiting and waiting.

      Although my job now is in a completely different industry, my parents have been in the same industry since I was a child, so growing up around that for 2 decades, I’m not an expert by any means but I have a basic proficiency of knowledge about the industry. At the company, I do not work on anything that is above my knowledge that I wasn’t specifically trained to assist with.

      Reply ↓
      1. Higher-ed Jessica*

        You’re hourly, and you worked your regular (presumably) full-time schedule plus 3 extra hours you came in early for, but didn’t get overtime? It sounds like your family business is breaking wage-hour law.

        I know it’s normal to work long hours at your own business, but you’re not a child and not formally an owner of the business, right? Are there special laws in play here that I’m not aware of? (Or maybe you’re not in the US like I assumed?)

        Reply ↓
    16. Tiger Snake*

      I found the phrasing of “I had to fall back on working at the company my parents own”… interesting.
      Like, I suppose it’s a true way of describing it. But it makes it sound like LW is neither happy nor appreciative.

      And I’m not trying to say that the LW is acting entitled. But I do wonder if some of their coworker’s behaviour is reactive – I’m wondering if LW has biases where they see how they see something unfair in how their being treated and missing a bigger picture around it, which would actually give LW a lot more ability to change things than they realise.

      Reply ↓
      1. Dahlia*

        They commented right above you. They went from a management position to an assisstant part time position. It doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate it to say that that isn’t ideal.

        Reply ↓
      2. Yankees fans are awesome!!*

        What bias or bigger picture on LW’s part explains the co-worker keeping tabs on the LW’s parking and clock-punching habits?

        As for LW falling back on working for parents, that could refer to an undesirable location, no growth opportunities via the role, or even the present situation, i.e. not wanting to deal with perceived favoritism, like having a co-worker in constant “Gotcha!” mode. I mean, is it really such a stretch that co-worker is a petty jerk?

        Reply ↓
        1. Enai*

          Yeah, has LW said “Thank you?” Even once? Do they even own a suit?

          …

          In case it’s not clear: I think “gratitude” is a ridiculous thing to expect. Especially towards unhinged coworkers who take it upon themselves to sabotage the LW in various ways. Even if it was a reasonable expectation, said gratitude would be towards LW’s family and has nothing to do with the subject of the letter. Do we require proof that LWs wash their hands after using the toilet next? How about a certificate of minimum number of showers completed before we entertain that the mobbing by coworkers is not due to LW’s excessive BO? Should we lambast them for stealing the bully’s favorite pen unless they furnish us with a notarized declaration of never stealing pens?

          Reply ↓
        2. Productivity Pigeon*

          No, it doesn’t.

          It’s not weird to feel a little annoyed you’ve had to leave a management position to be an assistance at your parents ’ firm.
          Jesus.

          Reply ↓
          1. Lacey*

            Yeah. Even if they hadn’t had a management position, if it’s not in their field, I think anyone would be bummed – even while being grateful for the safety-net that not everyone has.

            Reply ↓
        3. Pay it forward*

          LW here: I’ve heard this so many times and honestly I don’t really care. That is because the people who actually know me well have never reached this conclusion about me.

          You’re entitled to your opinion of course and I won’t waste my breath trying to convince you otherwise because it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. I hope that you can do some self reflection on why you’re so overly critical of somebody you know almost nothing about. Could it be that you’re trying to mask some sort of personal insecurities or gain a sense of control over others?

          Being grateful and telling the truth of the situation don’t negate one another. You’re allowed to be grateful, and explain that a situation may be less than ideal. It isn’t one or the other.

          Reply ↓
          1. Tru dat*

            Being grateful and telling the truth of the situation don’t negate one another. You’re allowed to be grateful, and explain that a situation may be less than ideal. It isn’t one or the other.

            +1

            Reply ↓
  3. Venus*

    It’s a bit wild that someone is complaining that LW is starting work too early. I really have to wonder if this time-keeping is an individual problem or one that extends to multiple coworkers.

    The paperwork is hopefully a temporary issue because it shouldn’t happen again in future, and Alison’s wording addresses this well.

    I would be curious to know if this is a wider problem with the workplace culture or if one specific person is being really difficult. My gut says it’s one person who – as Zona suggests above – happens to be an underperformer and wants to deflect away from themselves.

    Reply ↓
    1. LadyMTL*

      The only thing I can think of (which others have mentioned) is that perhaps the other employees don’t have that same flexibility as far as their hours go. Then again, the OP doesn’t say that they can’t come in early, so who knows? I’m just baffled at the idea of someone trying to creep on a car, tbh.

      Reply ↓
      1. Delta Delta*

        And also, if they’re hourly there might be an overtime issue. It could look like OP is somehow getting far more pay than everyone else by coming in three hours early.

        As for the car, I worked at a small company and it wasn’t at all uncommon for people to remark if they saw a person but didn’t see their car in the lot. The explanation was often a car repair or something, not “I’m going to skulk around and look for this person’s car to prove a point.”

        Reply ↓
        1. Mid*

          I was wondering if LW is getting overtime pay and everyone else isn’t allowed to get overtime. Or if teams were recently downsized or have been chronically understaffed due to budget, and LW getting hired feels frustrating because the budget was too tight until the bosses’ kid needed a job. This is all speculation, but I would encourage LW to think carefully about things that might be reading as favoritism, and if there truly isn’t anything, then ignore the haters and let their managers deal with it.

          Reply ↓
        2. JustaTech*

          I have a 2X boss who has a terrible habit of judging our collective productivity by how full the parking lot is at certain hours – even though he *knows* that a lot of people park in a different building, or take the bus.
          But no, he’ll send out snarky emails. One time he emailed my old boss demanding to know where everyone was. Everyone but me was at their desks at that exact moment. I, on the other hand, was on vacation. But because my car was not in it’s spot at the very front of the parking garage “no one” was in the office.

          Reply ↓
      2. Pay no attention...*

        Without knowing all of the details of the job, it could also be that the OP’s undisturbed time is really what set this other person off — being able to essentially opt out of “requests, phone calls, and other distractions” — when they have to deal with them. I’m not defending that as correct, it’s just a type of score-keeping that some coworkers do that I’ve experienced myself.

        I’ve also met the car creepers too, but that’s because my employer charges a hefty fee for a pass to park in their lots, but I am a rogue who chooses to park elsewhere and walk…for free. Normally with coworkers, I’m honest about my method and only once did it feel oddly intrusive when a man in a different department that I know-ish “noticed” that I don’t park in the lot and sent me an email asking me about it. I shut him down by politely telling him it wasn’t necessary to track where I park.

        Reply ↓
        1. misselphaba*

          God the nosiness of that man would have hit me right in the rage button. The audacity, honestly. Not to mention the creepiness. You noticed I don’t park in the lot? How? Why did it matter to you enough to bring it up? ICK.

          Reply ↓
    2. Miette*

      Yep, my mind went to this one person with unusual focus on attendance as a problematic employee. If I were OP’s parents, I’d be looking at whether this person is at the root of whatever culture problems might exist, because this is very ballsy, honestly, to pull with your bosses’ kid of all people.

      The coming in early thing is also a reasonable accommodation given that OP is neurodivergent. As long as the owners would offer similar accommodations to other workers, it’s not anyone else’s business.

      I’d also look into those workflows–who is sitting on paperwork for so long it’s overdue by the time OP got it? I would think such a thing is pretty easily tracked down to the perpetrator, and they should be the ones suffering consequences, not the new kid, owner’s child or no. Again – culture issues are afoot, likely long-lived ones that are not necessarily all down to top management’s fault, but now that they’re aware, they must address and fix it. And I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that the office timeclock cop is at the root of this too.

      Reply ↓
    3. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

      I was also wondering if there is a longer history of monitoring each other and raising petty complaints that the owners haven’t dealt with firmly enough. The LW might not know that this type of thing has been going on for ages.

      Reply ↓
    4. tired beau*

      This is definitely giving that there is one or two troubling employees looking to muck up the place for everyone else. It’s disappointing that it’s gotten to the point where LW has to park in a different lot to not feel micromanaged by someone who isn’t even above them. That shit needs to be nipped in the bud now. Why is LW’s schedule any of their business anyways?

      Reply ↓
  4. Snarkus Aurelius*

    I really feel bad for you, but I have to tackle this sentence.

    “I’m not new to working and have a bachelor’s with 10 years of work experience in various fields, and I’m not under-qualified in anyway for my current job.”

    I’m not debating your education and years of experience. I am, however, questioning your self-assessment about not being under-qualified. Is that detail something your parents and colleagues agree on as well? Because I’ve got to tell you that I’ve met many a nepotism hire who insists such a statement is true as well, and it’s just…not. AAM is littered with similar letters on this subject.

    Are the jobs you previously held related to the one you have now? Is your degree related to your current role? How does your resume compare to your co-workers’ resume? Did your predecessor have similar qualifications? Or did your parents create this role when you needed a job? I noted that you didn’t mention who your direct supervisor is. Is it one of your parents?

    You can absolutely be a nepotism hire and still be qualified for the job you have! (Sofia Coppola and Kiefer Sutherland come to mind.) But that assessment only works out well if everyone else agrees as well. (Seriously, whenever I see Kiefer Sutherland in anything, I forget who his dad is because he is legitimately a good actor.)

    Finally, as much as your parents want to avoid the appearance of favoritism or nepotism, **nothing** will change the fact that you are the owners’ child and you got that job because you hit hard times. You wouldn’t be working there otherwise.

    It’s great you understand your privilege, but it’s still privilege nonetheless.

    Reply ↓
    1. Galvanic*

      “You wouldn’t be working there otherwise.”

      You can’t say that conclusively — and however the LW got the job, the professional reaction to that is not to wander the parking lot to check and see if you can find their car.

      Reply ↓
      1. StressedButOkay*

        I have never, ever felt the need to go skulking physically to find a co-worker. Even when I actually had an actual difficult co-worker who never showed up to work/on time! Again, we’re hitting the “we can understand some of the frustration” (maybe…) “but the actions, not so much”.

        Reply ↓
      2. Snarkus Aurelius*

        No, it’s absolutely not okay for these employees to act in such a manner. I never intended to say otherwise.

        But the problem is the *root cause* of the complaints. There’s no other way around nepotism in this situation. There just isn’t. That would be the case even if the LW applied for the job under a different name with no one in the office having knowledge of who their parents are and got it anyway.

        Reply ↓
        1. Happy meal with extra happy*

          No, the problem is the behavior of the coworkers. Doesn’t matter that OP got hired because of nepotism because that’s absolutely no reason for the coworkers to be acting like they are now. People get hired by family all of the time, and the only valid responses are to leave, raise valid complaints (if applicable) or just deal with it and be professional.

          Reply ↓
          2. Snarkus Aurelius*

            Yes, family does hire each other all the time. But if the LW is in any way, shape or form getting perks or other advantages that the rest of her *peers* are not, including getting the job, then that would be the driving reason for all of this passive-aggressive nonsense.

            I reiterate: the others’ behavior is absolutely not okay. I don’t agree with it, and I’d never do it, but I can see why.

            Reply ↓
        2. Trudy's Blue Summer's Dress*

          I’d say the root cause of the complaints is the inability of the coworkers to deal with a very common occurrence – a business owner’s kid working at that business.

          Reply ↓
        3. Beth*

          I don’t think this is the root problem. Nepotism can cause serious problems, but it’s usually about people fearing the boss’s kid is being or will be favored over them. Using the boss’s kid as a scapegoat for your own work sins e.g. missed deadlines? Spending work hours stalking the parking lot? Those would be incredibly aggressive ways to act toward the boss’s favorite!

          I feel like it would take an incredible level of comfort and security to bully the boss’s kid like this. That makes me think that OP’s coworkers don’t actually feel like OP is being treated with a lot of favoritism. They might think that the hiring was unfair, but they don’t actually fear repercussions for their behavior the way they would if nepotism was their main issue. I agree with Alison that OP’s parents have some culture issues to dig into.

          Reply ↓
        4. Nodramalama*

          No, the problem is that LWs coworkers are inappropriately petty and are bordering on harassing their coworker. I have worked with many nepo hires and not once did I try to punish them for it

          Reply ↓
    2. Ellis Bell*

      If this was a company of reasonable and seasoned professionals, yes, seek out their views and meditate on their opinions. But this crowd? Taking the views of parking monitors and saboteurs seriously, over and above your own common sense? That way madness lies.

      Reply ↓
      1. Snarkus Aurelius*

        Except there have been instances where the OP’s self-awareness is called into question, e.g. the guy who never makes mistakes or the former bully.

        I’m not saying the OP is lying; I’m saying they’re not in the best position to determine whether or not they’re qualified for a job they got at their parent’s company when they fell on hard times.

        Reply ↓
        1. Dahlia*

          They went from a managerial position to a part time assistant role.

          They are very much in the best position to say they’re qualified for that, based on their experience.

          This is just being a little rude nitpicking them at this point. People aren’t going to want to comment here if they can’t even say “I am qualified for this job” without people picking it apart.

          Reply ↓
    5. wordswords*

      Whatever happened to taking LWs at their word?

      LW is providing this as relevant context — someone who was working for their parents’ business despite being underqualified might well be writing in for advice on how to navigate that, but it’s a different situation than “the reason I got this job is that it’s my parents’ business, but I’d be qualified to have it even without that,” and it’s an important distinction. And the bosses’ kid being hired at a family business is nothing remarkable — we’re not talking about the CFO’s kid being hired without a normal hiring process at a large corporation, or something. As others have said, the point of a family business is to support the family; yes, they should be run professionally and fairly, and yes, whatever goods and/or services they provide have to be good enough for other people to want them, but someone who is deeply opposed to a family hire right out of the gate should maybe reconsider whether they’re up for working for a family business.

      Reply ↓
      1. Snarkus Aurelius*

        But here’s the difference though. In family-run companies, you usually see family members who have more going on for them beyond getting hired. There’s a family farm near where I live, and, yes, everyone there has the same last name. They also each have multiple degrees in agriculture with related job experiences elsewhere. Same situation with a family-owned law firm near me. Every employee with the family’s last name has a law degree, law license, and relevant experience outside the firm. I think a lot of outsiders can overlook a large part of nepotism in those scenarios because everyone has done some dues paying at some point. It’s more intentional than random that they ended up there. Even the Kennedys had to do something to get elected.

        Getting a job at your parent’s business because you fell on hard times is a very, very different and also more random. There’s also a lot of context missing here, which is why I asked those questions in my original post.

        Again, I’m not saying anything the other person is doing is okay. It’s very much not. But if the LW displaced a more qualified employee or the job was specifically created for them to help them out or the LW is allowed to come in early when everyone else is not or anything on par like that, then I can see where the resentment is coming from. I don’t agree with it, but I understand it.

        Reply ↓
        1. Jeremy Jamm*

          Working for a family business temporarily when you have a period of unemployment is really, really common. For a lot of families, that’s why they exist/stay in the family. The timing might be ‘random,’ but it’s absolutely part of the plan.

          Reply ↓
        2. JB (not in Houston)*

          “In family-run companies, you usually see family members who have more going on for them beyond getting hired.” Ehhhh, sometimes. Letters and comments on this site alone has provided plenty of examples of that not being the case (and I don’t want to get political, but the Kennedy family is probably not the best example right now of someone being qualified for their position). I don’t think anyone of us can generalize from our personal experiences about how hiring “usually” works in family-run businesses.

          Reply ↓
    6. Trudy's Blue Summer's Dress*

      But so what though? Nepotism hires are a fact of life…it might not be fair but neither are a million other things. Doesn’t give the coworkers the right to treat LW like they are.

      Besides, if the coworkers are dumb enough to be distracted by petty revenge and wasting all this time instead of taking the concerns to the bosses I don’t necessarily trust their judgement either

      Reply ↓
      1. Snarkus Aurelius*

        You’re right that nepotism isn’t fair. But if you’re going to engage in it, at the very least, you should try to make things as fair for others as you can.

        When I worked at a government agency, the chief of staff was the boss of all the appointees — one of whom was his wife. They didn’t publicly disclose it or share the same last name, but we all knew. The rule was that if the chief was off, no one else could take time off. That rule so obviously didn’t apply to his wife. We had a running joke about what her raises and performance evaluations looked like. “Do you think he even bothers giving her an in-person evaluation?” Yet this guy would go on and on about honesty, integrity, transparency, and other such bullshit with a straight face. No one took either one of them seriously. We never sabotaged or monitored them, but we never helped them either when we could. We pretty much avoided those two altogether.

        That’s why I was asking those original questions. Context matters a lot even in unfair circumstances.

        Reply ↓
        1. Just a decent human being*

          You have the context already: A family business. Which is nowhere near the same as a government agency when it comes to hiring *family*.

          Reply ↓
    7. MigraineMonth*

      Yes, LW was hired into their parent’s company because they are family. That is one of the primary *purposes* of family companies, and anyone who works at one needs to be able to handle that in a relatively professional way.

      The “root of the problem” isn’t that LW has privilege as a nepotism hire, or that others perceive it as a nepotism hire, or even that coworkers are suspicious they aren’t qualified for their role. It’s that LW’s coworkers are engaging in weird bullying/tattling behavior. (Bringing issues to one’s manager’s attention is rarely tattling, but this actually rises to that level.) Something weird is going on in the culture (or possibly with a couple of bad actors) that either makes them think they can get away with bullying the owner’s son or angry enough that they don’t care.

      Reply ↓
    8. Pay it forward*

      So I am the person who submitted the question. To give you a bit more context, the position is actually below my relevant qualifications and skills. Previously I worked at a hospital corporate office at a managerial level. My current job pays a lot less, and am just an assistant there to support whatever tasks the company needs done, because its a small company sometimes thats troubleshooting computer and technology, printer issues, IT problems, company projects tasks, paperwork, accounting, sorting mail etc. These are all things I already knew how to do, working at a managerial level, I was trained with how their company processes and followed what I was told.

      Reply ↓
      2. MigraineMonth*

        Hi! Thanks for commenting! I have a couple of questions if you don’t mind.

        1) It’s a bit unclear from the examples in the letter. Is this one lone loon hassling you about your hours, or are the petty complaints/sabotage coming from a bunch of coworkers?

        2) Also, just to head off some of the speculation, is coming in early something that other people are allowed to do, or is it role-specific/new/an accommodation?

        Thanks!

        Reply ↓
        1. Pay it forward*

          1.) The company is quite small and there’s only a couple employees. So the complaints are coming from them.

          2.) Flexible hours are allowed for everyone. If anybody else wanted to come in earlier to get work done, it would not be denied.

          Reply ↓
          1. Shipbuilding Techniques*

            Here’s an idea…if there are that few people in the org, maybe the perps are mad at you because you are making them 33% less important than they used to be? And maybe even diluting their impact more because you are a “special” person at that (as progeny of bosses)? They probably want you to get mad and leave so it will go back to how it used to be. This theory kind of depends on if this is a newly created position just for you.

            Reply ↓
    9. Beth*

      Why are you doubting OP’s qualifications? Yes, they got hired because it’s their parents’ company, and that is definitely a big advantage in a bad labor market. But their entire career up until now has been at other companies that their family doesn’t run. Clearly they’re able to assess their skills, compare them to job duties, and determine whether it’s a fit–that’s part of job hunting, and we know they’ve gotten jobs.

      Plus, OP’s coworkers–who are clearly willing to complain about anything and everything–haven’t mentioned their basic competence at their duties as a problem. If nothing else, that’s a really good sign that OP is right about their ability to do the job.

      Reply ↓
  5. Lacey*

    This is a baffling situation.

    Most of my jobs have been at places with nepo hires. Some perfectly capable, some obviously too unskilled to work anywhere else. But I cannot imagine the set of circumstances that would make me believe it was smart to target them!

    Reply ↓
    1. Lana Kane*

      That’s what really sticking out to me. Normally among coworkers the boss’s kid is considered off-limits for complaints. I’m not supporting that, just noting that it’s the way it usually goes and I get why. This feels really brazen.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rogue Slime Mold*

        Yes, this reminds me of those letters in which The Intern Who Started Two Weeks Earlier Than The Rest is giving the cohort advice about how things work in the office, and it turns out all this first person really has going for them is unearned confidence. Like someone thought targeting OP would be okay (which: so far they are correct in this assessment) and the rest are just going along with The Way Things Are.

        Reply ↓
    2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      This is my question. OP is writing that the staff is complaining. All the instances involve one person.
      That she is getting traction on targeting the owners’ kid is indeed baffling, particularly if she is acting alone.
      I imagine she is getting some tacit, noncommital, “yeah, must be nice” type of feedback from her peers, but nobody else thinks it’s worth tattling about clocking in….
      Throwback to Beth and Tammy earlier: what does this woman hope to gain?
      “You need to fire your kid because I don’t think it’s fair.”
      And then what?

      Reply ↓
      1. higheredadmin*

        I think they think it will work because the owners are embarrassed at hiring their adult child, so are being extra cautious in not being nepo baby parents. The LW says her parents are unsure as to how to handle this – well, this should have been shut down from the start. It is getting traction because it is working, as in because they are so concerned about looking like they are favoring their kid that they are overcompensating the other way.

        Reply ↓
    3. NothingIsLittle*

      I have the same questions! Are coworkers otherwise encouraged to target other employees in this way? Because this sort of targeted questioning of attendance of the boss’s child suggests to me that no one else has that kind of flexibility and that monitoring how much your coworkers are working has been rewarded in the past. I could be reading too far into it, though, since it seems only one coworker has been making the complaints?

      Reply ↓
    4. Drago Cucina*

      It is baffling. I’ve known multiple people who own businesses. One of the understandings is that eventually one of their adult children will either cycle through or become a manager/owner. It’s part of the pattern in many family owned businesses.

      And how many stories have we read here at AAM where co-workers couldn’t get past someone taking a job. The co-worker who died comes to mind. The team simply wouldn’t accept any replacement.

      Reply ↓
    5. Statler von Waldorf*

      I’m really glad I’m not the only one who thinks so. I would like to join team Baffled.

      I was at a concrete shop 40 years ago, busting heavies for a living. The boss’s teenaged kid allegedly stole money from his parents. As his punishment, he had to go to work at his Dad’s shop that summer and earn enough to pay his parents back. We were all told by the boss-man to give him the worst jobs, and we did it with glee. That kid had a rough summer.

      Even with those very specific cirumstances, that kid was treated better than the LW was here.

      Reply ↓
      1. merula*

        I would like to compliment your user name, and also ask what the heck “busting heavies” is (google is failing me) and what the worst jobs at a concrete shop looked like.

        Reply ↓
        2. Statler von Waldorf*

          “Busting Heavies” is a slang term to refer to working very physically demanding job. It has less to due with the nature of the job, and more to do with your back hurting by the end of an eight hour shift doing it. I’ve heard the term a lot in northern Canada, mostly working on oil rigs. I guess it’s a more regional term than I thought.

          In the shop itself, wheelbarrowing wet concrete from the mixer across the shop and shoveling it to the pre-cast forms was probably the worst job. Keeping a wheelbarrow full of wet concrete balanced while moving it takes strength, and if you dropped it it made a hell of a mess. You were also on a time limit with the concrete setting, so you better shovel fast. The kid dropped more than one wheelbarrow that summer.

          That had nothing on the worst job I did in the field. 40 years later, and I still shudder at the thought of hauling cement bags. They were 50 KG each, or 110 lbs a pop. It was easier if you could handle two at a time, one on each shoulder, because at least then you were balanced. Now proceed to walk on a variety of uneven surfaces, including up and down partially-built stairs with no railings and up and down ramps made of plywood that you swear are going to snap under your feet, all while carrying 220 lbs while constantly breathing in cement dust and trying not to sneeze. Rinse and repeat for several hours. My back still hurts just thinking about it.

          Reply ↓
    6. hbc*

      The only thing I can think of is if the place has been ruled with an iron fist, or at least some employees perceive it as such. If you made peace with your workplace that didn’t let you shift your schedule 30 minutes for a single week because of day care issues, you might have bought into the idea that they’re rigid and the 9:00:00 start time applies to everyone. “I’m not valued enough for them to flex for me” might be a hard reassessment.

      Of course, that doesn’t make “I’m sure they’ll fire their kid if I can just get proof they’re slacking” any more realistic.

      Reply ↓
      1. Storm in a teacup*

        LW has commented up thread everyone has flexibility to start when they want.
        As someone who’s parents and uncles ran a family business myself and my cousins all cycled through as summer / weekend hires. It was a family right of passage.
        Was it annoying for the regular staff? I’m sure in some cases it was but that does not warrant this level of bananapants behaviour. Tracking someone’s car? The parents need to shut that down.
        Also where OP is being deliberately targeted to mess up eg late reports then that’s a performance issue on the other employee and should be handled as such.

        Reply ↓
        1. Ms. Eleanous*

          Agree the complaining co-worker is bananapants .. probably with banana sox and shoes

          Nellie Olson award. She’s a brat. If I owned a business, I would get rid of anyone who tracked – and reported (!) any employee’s clock in times.
          Self- appointed Clock Czar. yeesh.

          Reply ↓
    7. H.Regalis*

      Same. There have been a lot of letters on here from people dealing with bad nepo hires who were untouchable due to who they were related to. Of all the people to bully, that seems like the absolute worst choice.

      Reply ↓
    8. Rex Libris*

      Seriously. Although if anyone is shocked that a family owned businesses hired a family member, and tend to treat them differently than the rest of the employees, they’re probably also naive enough to think that targeting them is a good idea.

      Reply ↓
  6. Heffalump*

    The coworker who was tracking the LW sounds like a personality type that I call the self-appointed hall monitor. Maybe she has more impetus (in her mind) to act this way because the LW is a nepo hire, but I bet she’d also do this to non-nepo-hires she disliked.

    Reply ↓
    2. Festively Dressed Earl*

      Given that the hall monitor was behind the first two examples LW gave, I wonder if she’s the only one with a real problem with LW, maybe dragging in a couple of work buddies along for the ride. Was she part of the group of employees who gave LW the late paperwork and then complained?

      Reply ↓
    4. RagingADHD*

      Yes, my first thought is that they may treat a number of people this way and intimidate them into keeping it quiet. LW may be the first to call it out because they expect the owners will believe them.

      Reply ↓
      1. MigraineMonth*

        Ooh, good point. This may be a longtime bully who just overreached.

        I am curious what it is about the dynamics that made the bully think she could target LW with impunity, though. Maybe the owners have been a bit too worried about the appearance of favoritism and therefore slow to shut these issues down? Maybe she’s targeting LW because of their neurodivergence? Or maybe she’s just one of those bullies who isn’t good at figuring out the power dynamics in a situation and tries bullying her own grandboss and gets fired.

        Reply ↓
  7. GirlieePop*

    I’ve encountered some nosy people in my career, but I am constantly blown away by people like the coworker who was outside looking for LW’s car! I just can’t imagine expending that much emotional energy or time monitoring other people or getting in their business.

    I usually just roll my eyes internally at bad behavior or, if someone’s behavior or performance affects my work, I talk to my manager about it. And if I just plain don’t like someone, I grit my teeth and bear it and remind myself that when I log off at the end of the day, they don’t have to exist to me anymore!

    Reply ↓
    1. Jeremy’s iron*

      “I’ve encountered some nosy people in my career, but I am constantly blown away by people like the coworker who was outside looking for LW’s car! I just can’t imagine expending that much emotional energy or time monitoring other people or getting in their business.”

      Some people just don’t have enough to do in their own jobs and/or don’t know what it’s like to be on the unemployment line (or don’t remember). For the latter, maybe they need a lesson.

      Reply ↓
      1. Delta Delta*

        To take it a step further, I’m also baffled by people who will expend more energy proving a point than doing their actual work. Just, you know, do your job.

        Reply ↓
  8. Meep*

    This is besides the point and very victim-blamey, but what did you do to upset such a large swatch of coworkers?? Get the job without an interview??

    Reply ↓
    1. Dahlia*

      Considering it’s a family business, that’s not even unreasonable. Who do they expect to take over it one day?

      Reply ↓
    3. Lawyer Mom*

      To be fair, the LW is entitled to inherit the job–and the entire company and/or its profits!–without an interview. That LW is actually working for the company is to the credit of LW and the parent owners.

      Reply ↓
      1. emmelemm*

        Yeah, I’ve known a couple of people who were “employed” by their parents’ companies in the sense of drawing a salary, but they weren’t expected to actually do anything for it.

        Reply ↓
        1. LaurCha*

          At Old Job the boss’s spouse was on the payroll and they never ever worked there. It’s weird to me but I guess it’s not uncommon.

          Reply ↓
    4. Trudy's Blue Summer's Dress*

      If your parents are going to hire you, you’re not going to go through an interview process – that defeats the whole point

      Reply ↓
    5. Beth*

      Why would getting a job at a family business without an interview upset your coworkers like this? Family businesses hire family (plus additional staff if there isn’t enough family available to do the work). That’s what they do. If you work at one, presumably you expect that.

      Reply ↓
    6. Non non non all the way home*

      That’s hilarious! Who on earth “interviews” a family member for an assistant role at their small family business.

      Reply ↓
    7. fhqwhgads*

      LW posted there are only a few employees. So it’s not a large swath of coworkers, it’s more like all two of them.

      Reply ↓
  9. Jeremy’s iron*

    It is VERY ballsy to openly complain about the boss’ kid like this but since the whiners know it works, of course they’ll keep doing it! What other blatantly dumb things do your coworkers do, OP, that the company owners let them get away with? That aren’t related to you being related to the owners? Because there HAS to be other shenanigans.

    Reply ↓
    1. higheredadmin*

      THIS! They are pulling some stuff and getting away with it. They complaints get traction because your parents are afraid of showing favoritism and that is providing the opportunity for more shenanigans.

      Reply ↓
    2. Pay it forward*

      LW here: Let me clarify that I am not the type of person who pays so closely attention to other people. My personality is to mind my own business and get my own work done but with their complaints, I wondered why they would be so nosey and discovered through my observations that one of them steals company time by padding their lunch hours. Their punch in and punch out times for lunch do not reflect the time that they actually spent on break. Each week it ends up totaling up to about 3hrs. She’s been with the company for a couple years now, so you do the math. 52 x 3 =156 hrs. And their punch in and out for lunch is always the exact same amount of time every day or it varies between these perfect numbers 10, 20, 30, 40 mins. It could be possible that they were using a timer to achieve those numbers, but since they eat at their desks in a shared office space, it was pretty easy for me to figure out that they padded their lunch and reported a short break.

      So to break it down as an example; the time sheet would say 2:30-3:00, but in reality during that time she had left the company to buy food at 2:15pm came back and eats until 3:15pm.

      This was the same co-worker who lodged a complaint about my car being absent during the day and that I must not have clocked out because she couldn’t find me anywhere. Looking at some of the feedback here, it definitely seems like distraction and deflection on their part.

      Reply ↓
      1. Kella*

        With that info that REALLY sounds like deflection. Is it possible that the coworker padding their hours has a strong enough allyship with the other coworker that they cover for each other, and with your arrival, they’re are worried you are more likely to be loyal to your parents than to them, so they are trying to push you out before you have a chance to notice or report them? Or that your reporting them would have less credibility in the face of fielding accusations yourself?

        Reply ↓
      2. hbc*

        Okay, this is 100% a person who takes advantage of any situation, and she expects others do too, so she’s probably genuinely convinced that you’re getting away with stuff. More stuff than her, which is intolerable to someone like that. The fact that her complaints might lead to tighter management and prevent her from time theft makes her actions seem ridiculous to a regular person, but “winning” is most important to her.

        I know it feels like going to her level, but I would mention to your parents what’s going on and suggest they come in at 2:20 on a couple of days to see the discrepancy for themselves. People like this are toxic and they should be managing her more closely.

        Reply ↓
        1. Enai*

          Sounds like good advice to me. Pay it Forward, this person does damage to your family’s business. Not just by taking too much time off for lunch, but also by trying to bully you. Who knows what other damage they inflict? It is absolutely appropriate to make your family aware of that fact and try to stop Mx. Nosy McTimeFraud.

          Reply ↓
        2. Fluffy Fish*

          Yeah something doesn’t pass the sniff test and I think you are on to something.

          It would make perfect sense if the employees were not on the up and up and know are threatened because OP is in a position to see that.

          Reply ↓
      3. higheredadmin*

        I think this is an excellent example of people telling you what they are up to by accusing someone else of doing the thing they are doing. OP, I would be sure to tell your parents what you have noticed. I’m also sure that the time thief feels very justified in their actions because (insert reason here), and they are proving it by complaining to your parents/the owners.

        Reply ↓
  10. Wayward Sun*

    This reminds me of my experiences in school — my dad was a teacher in the same school, so when I got bullied he couldn’t stick up for me because it would have looked like favoritism.

    Reply ↓
    1. higheredadmin*

      I had the same. If I got detention, anything happened to me, my mom felt she couldn’t complain because it would look like I was getting special treatment.

      Reply ↓
    2. Snarkus Aurelius*

      That was my mom’s excuse when a teacher at my school was bullying me. “If I say something, then it’ll look like favoritism, and the teacher will take his resentment out on you instead. I’d only make it worse.”

      Yeah, she just didn’t want to piss off any of her coworkers. That’s all it was.

      Reply ↓
  12. Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender*

    The next time someone raises a baseless or trivial complaint about you, they should do exactly what they would if you were any other employee. Presumably that means [reasonable things to shut it down].

    My questions is whether the presumption here is correct. Do they take reasonable steps to shutdown such conplaints made against other employees? I hope so, but if not, that’s something they need to fix overall. (Unfortunately, that timing could enhance “nepo hire” resentment if your parents didn’t deal with it until you came along.)

    If they typically do take reasonable steps and you don’t get special treatment (other than landing this gig in the first place), they need to follow those steps as Alison discussed.

    I have to wonder if the clock watcher/parking lot monitor has an axe to grind and is stirring up your other co-workers.

    Reply ↓
  13. Ellis Bell*

    I have to wonder what the work ethic and people skills of these colleagues were like before OP’s arrival. You don’t lose all sense of professionalism and start overtly showing off how much of a slacker you are just because you’re wary about a nepotism hire. One person is walking around the car park while they should be working and another is sitting on undone, overdue paperwork. These are completely unilateral actions which can be tackled without even mentioning OP. These are clearly people who are not worried about disciplinary processes or being held to a basic standard. The fact that OPs parents are more worried about offending people than the work getting done, as well as their very obvious nastiness, makes me think there’s been some timid management of these people historically.

    Reply ↓
  14. Alex*

    Definitely try to identify any things that could be perceived as favoritism–my thought was, are other people allowed to flex their schedules as much as you are? Because a great response to “Hey this person is working during the wrong times!” is, “Oh, everyone is allowed to flex their schedule if they wish.” Of course, this may be role-dependent, but the answer to “Hey, this person is getting something I’m not” is to give it to everyone, if possible.

    If you *are* getting perks like that that no one else is, then yeah, there’s going to be a lot of resentment about it.

    Reply ↓
    1. mreasy*

      Even if you are super resentful of the owner’s kid getting primo treatment, that is something to talk to your manager about, or even the owner of the company… or maybe you’re angry enough about the injustice that you start looking for a new job. You don’t take it upon yourself to spend your work hours tracking their location!

      Reply ↓
      1. Lacey*

        Right, you talk to the manager about how it’s impacting your work.
        You don’t go on a weird quest to track their office hours or tank a project and try to frame them for it.

        And… I don’t know, will there be a LOT of resentment over the owner’s kid getting special treatment? Because, I’ve never seen a nepo-hire (kid, grandkid, wife, in-law) not get special treatment, but the resentment is usually mild.

        Reply ↓
  15. Debby*

    Hello LW-just an idea for you regarding being given a stack of work in which some were due the next day: When I am given a stack of work, I have made it a habit to go through it and prioritize it. In my job it happens all of the time! Just sort them by the due dates and then go through the ones that are due the soonest, to figure out which are more important.
    You can also stamp each one-or write on each one-what day and time you received the work. For example “Received on 4-22-25 at 3:12pm.” That is done at a lot of places I have worked, and is your CYA. Hope this helps :)

    Reply ↓
    1. Just Thinkin' Here*

      In this scenario with the paperwork that arrived already past due, what was the OP’s response? An employee should alert both their own manager and the management team of the upstream personnel that sent the paperwork late. This is a normal response, since upstream management should be held responsible for the timeliness of their employee’s work.

      My read on the situation is that there isn’t much formal management going on at this small business and so alot of things are being dealt with by personality rather than by SLAs or management decision making. Time for mom and dad to step up and better manage the firm.

      Reply ↓
  16. EA*

    From what OP shared, it sounds like it’s actually one coworker being weird about clocking in and out; is it her job to monitor that for everyone? (Also, how did you know she’s actually looking for your car? Did she tell you that? Seems like a big jump to make.) Maybe your parents could clarify the procedures for clocking in and out with the whole team. The other issue sounds like a work flow problem that your parents could try to solve without blaming anyone, including you, but also not specially defending you either.

    I don’t want to minimize the OP’s concerns, but I really think OP might be jumping to conclusions that many colleagues have an issue with them. The parents need to just deal with the work issues as normal and not have a special strategy for their kid.

    Reply ↓
    1. Rainy*

      the same coworker lodged a complaint because she didn’t see my car in the parking lot…After that, I parked my car across the street at another lot and caught her walking around outside our parking lot as if she was looking for my car…

      I don’t think it’s *that* big a jump. If you complained about not seeing my car and then took up prowling the parking lot, I’d also assume you were looking for my car.

      Reply ↓
    2. Pay it forward*

      LW here: So here are the steps I took to assess the situation after the complaint about my car not being present.

      The following day after the complaint I parked my car across the street in another business’s lot and walked to work. I did post somewhere on this thread about my job responsibilities. I’m an assistant that helps with whatever the company needs. Sometimes that’s IT troubleshooting, computer diagnostics, printer issues, answering phones, answering emails, filing paperwork, data entry etc. I also happened to install all of the company’s security systems, so that’s how I know what she was looking for. To be clear, I am not the type to put my nose where it belongs, but her actions got me curious. On the video footage I can see her walking around starting from the side of the building where my car usually was. At no point did she bend down and look at the ground like she had lost or dropped something. She did not go back to her car either. I have never seen her walk a loop around the building before I started working here. The side of the building she started her walk at was the side of the building that we do not take deliveries at too so it couldn’t have been a delivery issue.

      You are right of course despite all of this, there is no way of knowing for sure.. Honestly, if she was looking for my car, I don’t think she would come clean to me or my parents. There’s little incentive to doing so. Likewise, I did not want her to know I was quietly observing her actions.

      Reply ↓
  17. Chickadee*

    Another big picture topic – are there any other neurodivergent or disabled people working at the company? Are they also being targeted? Basically, is ableism contributing to the behavior?

    Reply ↓
    1. LaurCha*

      I was thinking LW’s neurodivergence might be a point to consider. Unfortunately some people get offended or otherwise shitty when working with ND folks, especially if they aren’t familiar with common ND differences in communication and behavior styles. Again, this would be a problem with coworker, not LW.

      Reply ↓
    2. Azalea*

      After reading LW’s comments clarifying the situation, I’m starting to wonder if this is bullying due to neurodivergence.

      Reply ↓
    1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Yeah, I was wondering about overtime. They refer to clocking in and out; to me that says it’s an hourly position. If they can rack up overtime pay because they prefer a quiet office and others can’t do the same, that’s an issue that others should be taking to their managers. If they adjust their schedule and others can also flex, no favoritism, no grounds for complaint.

      Reply ↓
  19. CubeFarmer*

    I think there’s definitely more going on here. Did the nepo hire push a qualified candidate out of the running, or a qualified current employee out of a promotion? If so, I agree that’s not really an excuse, but it’s also not an great recipe for building strong colleague relationships.

    Reply ↓
  20. Ellis Bell*

    It’s not jumping to conclusions when it’s openly acknowledged on all sides. Did you miss the part where the colleagues vocally lodged complaints about OP and openly admitted what they had been doing? It’s confusing I know because they’re actually just making themselves look bad. The colleague monitoring clocking in isn’t supposed to do that, no, but still admitted that they are doing that in the vague hopes OP would get into trouble. They openly said they were checking up on where OP’s car is and using that to determine whether OP should have clocked in or out. Then OP later actually saw them walking around looking for their car which was made more obvious by the fact the car was not there.

    Reply ↓
  21. TerrorCotta*

    I was trying figure out a POV where this could possibly makes sense to the nosy noodle.

    A problem with OP clocking in 3 hours before anyone else arrives could be there’s no proof they’re working during that time, and not just chilling out for three hours on the clock. And does this mean they’re leaving 3 hours early as well, when the rest of the employees need support/collaboration? Especially if duties that were assigned to OP didn’t get finished in a timely manner (were ALL the co-workers punitively delaying their part of the work, or was this stuff OP should have been following up on and requesting?)

    As for the not clocking out…it seem like OP wasn’t visibly in the office, if the nosy noodle went to see if their car was there. For the second incident, we don’t actually KNOW she was wandering the parking lot specifically to bust OP (looking for a lost delivery driver? Dropped something? Saw a neat bird?). But even if she was, she’s clearly not finding OP in the office when expected.

    And obviously both of these incidents were reported by the same employee, but OP says other coworkers were complaining as well, but didn’t specify what for.

    It’s very possible all the employees are truly petulant little weirdos! But it does seem extreme for multiple people to complain about the bosses’ child to their faces.

    Reply ↓
      1. TerrorCotta*

        If OP isn’t available when needed (either for choosing hours out of sync with the rest of the team, or not being easily located when on the clock) to the point it feels like a pattern, it would certainly be a cause for complaint.

        But again, if it’s a hall monitor situation, you’re absolutely right.

        Reply ↓
          1. TerrorCotta*

            I do actually! Three times a week because I’m learning to walk again after 18 months of very painful surgeries :)

            But no, not because I thought there could be legit reasons why someone might have concerns about another coworker picking their own schedule which is HOURS off from what’s generally in use. Which they then indeed asked their manager about…even though that manager is the parent of the employee in question.

            Reply ↓
            1. Trudy's Blue Summer's Dress*

              I’m sorry to hear that! I’ve been there…two hips and a knee replacement in the last three years..

              Reply ↓
  22. Goldenrod*

    I hope we get an update on this one!

    My advice to LW would be to start applying/interviewing for other jobs, because eventually, it would probably be better for your confidence long-term to not work at the family business.

    In the shorter term, I think Alison’s advice is great.

    Reply ↓
    1. Malarkey*

      Unless the long term plan is to inherit the business which is really common and often the point of family businesses. Then it’s fantastic he’s working there now to learn the business.

      Reply ↓
      1. Ariaflame*

        I suspect they are currently doing so but in the current climate they need this fallback position to survive. Is there something about this LW that is causing people to ignore the standard convention here about not assuming a LW is male?

        Reply ↓
  23. Ms. Whatsit*

    Something about that sitting on paperwork thing strikes me as odd. How did the tasks that were past due or nearly due slip under management’s radar until that point? And how could these coworkers just “reassign” their own tasks like that? If it wasn’t caught in the first instance, it should’ve been identified when OP submitted the paperwork (also, OP, definitely don’t accept blame without giving context!). And that one coworker apparently feels empowered to police the *bosses’ kid’s* schedule with impunity. So that makes me wonder: is this a one-off situation or is it the result of an overall lack of adequate management?

    Reply ↓
    1. Venus*

      This hit me too – my thought is that the owners / parents knew there was an ongoing problem of insufficient staff and needed the new hire to deal with the paperwork upon being hired, and the new hire just happened to be OP. The fact that OP is being blamed for delays, rather than being appreciated for helping out to catch things up, makes me think there are systemic problems with the work culture.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lacey*

      Most places I’ve worked, the manager isn’t monitoring projects that closely.

      This probably varies a lot from industry to industry, but we’re just expected to stay on top of our work. No one is making sure it gets done.

      I guess if someone was missing deadlines regularly a manager would step in. But they’re certainly not checking in just because it’s almost due.

      Reply ↓
      1. Ms. Whatsit*

        True on the level of oversight; I was thinking of basic check-ins, not some full accounting, so those are easy to sidestep. But I think the second aspect—what happened with OP submitted someone else’s work late?—and the weird entitlement of that one coworker suggest things are too hands off.

        Reply ↓
  24. Lawyer Mom*

    To be fair, the LW is entitled to inherit the job–and the entire company and/or its profits!–without an interview. That LW is actually working for the company is to the credit of LW and the parent owners.

    Reply ↓
    1. Lawyer Mom*

      Nesting fail–was meant as reply to post above.

      But also this: Anyone who is upset about a family company hiring a family member is free to leave and create their own family company through their own investments, time, and sacrifice. They are then free to not hire their own children even when their child needs it.

      Realistically, a family company often hires family members. That’s part of the risk/reward calculus in starting your own company.

      Reply ↓
      1. mreasy*

        Agreed. There is a different between, say, a high-up non-owner exec’s kid getting a job at the company and the owner’s kid! The former is an unfair power grab (unless that kid is really qualified and a great worker), and the latter is normal/expected. Starting a company is hard. You’re trying to create generational wealth and employment. The family members shouldn’t be treated markedly differently, but being so resentful of family members working at a family owned company makes me wonder how many places these angry people have actually worked.

        Reply ↓
        1. Storm in a teacup*

          Agree totally. I think some of the commentators on here are pretty biased against family working together.
          Understandably the ‘nepo hire’ culture should be challenged but as you say there is a world of difference between someone hiring a family member who is not qualified at a company to a family business being run by and hiring family.

          Reply ↓
      2. Oliver*

        Anyone who is upset about a family company hiring a family member is free to leave and create their own family company through their own investments, time, and sacrifice.

        Yeah, just like anyone who is upset about the way their government runs things is free to leave and make their own, that is a more theoretical and less practical solution. Especially since the workers’ investments, time, and sacrifice are going to the company/government.

        Reply ↓
      3. Cynthia*

        “Anyone who is upset about a family company hiring a family member is free to leave and create their own family company through their own investments, time, and sacrifice.”
        Surely you realize that this isn’t an option for everyone who is frustrated by nepohires. It reads very “they should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps!”

        I don’t think that what LW’s coworkers are doing is right or the correct way to handle the situation. But I do think it’s understandable that they’re frustrated! LW admits that this is a very challenging job market and they were unable to find employment on their own merit. For folks who have nothing to rely on *except* their own merit, I can see where that would rankle (although again, I of course agree that they should not be acting the way they are).

        Reply ↓
  25. ArtK*

    “Large swatch of coworkers” ? Although the LW used the plural, they gave 2 examples with the same person. Not a horde. I think you are looking to blame the LW for the situation and reading things into the post that aren’t there.

    Reply ↓
    2. Ally McBeal*

      The third example is about a group of coworkers sitting on paperwork until right before the deadline and then blaming OP for not getting it done on time.

      Reply ↓
  26. Rebekah*

    One theory I haven’t seen yet (While we’re all wildly speculating) is the status of the chief complainer. I have seen situations in small businesses/non-profits where one individual who has little to no power on paper, in fact considers themselves to be in charge of everything. And for reasons that are baffling to outsiders, everyone else goes along with this and refuses to challenge the “powers that be”, especially if the actual power is timid or thinks the difficult person is irreplaceable. Seeing the bosses’ kid taking a position at the firm might be considered a threat to their power and worthy of a preemptive strike. This might also explain why others are going along with targeting the bosses’ kid since they are a less intimidating threat than the all influential receptionist (or whatever).

    My husband encountered a version of this at his current job. (Nonprofit in a very touchy feely field). One individual who was on paper very low down in the organization pretty much ran everything and told everyone what to do and how to do it. When my husband, the brand new director, tried to put in place some basic boundaries such as “we do not try to steal 6 figures of donor money for personal use” the blowback from this individual and their friends almost tore apart the organization. Eventually problem child left but the damage is deep and still causing problems.

    Reply ↓
    1. Resentful Oreos*

      That’s a good point. It could be that Chief Complainer feels like they are the true power behind the throne, the unseen hand that runs the company, etc. (Stealing six figures of donor money for personal use? Yikes On Bikes! And having blowback that almost tore apart the company because Entitled Person thought they were entitled to help themselves to the company till? Jeepers. Sounds extremely dysfunctional. Your poor husband. I hope he’s doing OK in that position.)

      Reply ↓
  27. learnedthehardway*

    Isn’t it a rule that OPs are generally taken at face value on this site?

    I would assume that the OP is indeed qualified for their role (and there’s no reason to believe that they aren’t – very likely, their career was overall influenced by their exposure to the family business and they probably followed a career path with the knowledge that someday they might have to take over the business, not to mention that they may have worked for the business as a teenager/young adult).

    Anyway OP, it sounds to me like your coworkers have gotten very much too comfortable and entitled while working at the family business. I would bet that your parents have tried to foster a culture that is employee-friendly, but have probably gone too far in that direction and have neglected to hold people accountable for their performance and/or have placated people rather than addressing behavioural issues. And so, some people have started to take advantage. They’re now quite threatened by the Owners’ adult child joining the business, because they know that the OP will be looking at the culture and performance issues through a professional lens, having worked elsewhere for 10 years.

    I see this with the company for which my spouse works – the owner is a good person, but has some management skills deficits and wants everyone to be happy. This has led to some really egregious examples of long-term employees taking total advantage, to the detriment of the business and company culture. As in – people who have worked for the company for 20 years literally NOT doing their jobs and trying to blame others, people behaving very unprofessionally because they know the owner won’t call them on it, etc..

    OP, I think this is a calculated (and clumsy) attempt to discredit you to your parents, and to minimize your impact on the business. Your parents should be pretty firm about telling people to stay in their lane when the complaints are ridiculous – eg. whether you’re coming in early, when you’re clocking out, etc. etc. Some people clearly need to be put in their places. Your parents need to find their backbone, because it sounds to me like their employees have been running roughshod over them.

    With respect to the reports that are being delayed – It sounds like this is either someone figuring they can blame their delays on you as the new person in the company or it could be deliberate sabotage. Either way, it’s pretty audacious to try to scapegoat the Owners’ adult child, who has had a professional career elsewhere.

    I would start putting things in emails, and (initially) bcc your parents. “Hello Bob – thanks for providing the reports. I note that these are from 3 weeks ago. This will create a delay in my ability to incorporate the data into my assessment of our inventory turns. Let’s figure out a way to ensure that I am getting the reports as they come in.” You can move to cc’ing your parents if the situation doesn’t improve.

    I would say that it is high time for an audit of the company books (in case there is a really serious reason your coworkers don’t want you in the company – like embezzlement) and an overhaul of the way things are done from a performance management standpoint. There are probably lots of opportunities for process improvement, as well, but give yourself some time to learn the business inside and out before launching into any initiatives like that. (I bet they are needed, though.)

    Reply ↓
    1. Ms. Whatsit*

      Many good points—I think this is the vibe I was getting. It’s hard to believe that all of this behavior is totally new. I don’t know about embezzlement, but certainly there seems to be a lot of entitled behavior regarding the bosses’ kid (and maybe the bosses, too).

      I did also wonder at how accommodating OP is toward this mistreatment, and if perhaps that is something learned from mom and dad. That’s speculation & it really could just be trying to navigate the favoritism concern (which I appreciate) but this is so under-responsive on everyone’s parts.

      Reply ↓
    2. Ellis Bell*

      Completely agree with this. Owners want everyone to be happy (reasonable!) but somehow they’ve gone down the path of creating employees who are too comfortable and too entitled instead.

      Reply ↓
        1. Lyudie*

          Yup, and as others have pointed out, if she takes over the business someday, it’s to everyone’s advantage if she works there and learns the ins and outs as an employee in advance.

          Reply ↓
    2. LaurCha*

      wait are you serious asking why LW hasn’t gotten another job? Have you got any clue how awful the job market is? Trust me: it is highly competitive and the new influx of tens of thousands of laid-off Federal workers is making it even harder for qualified candidates. Don’t assume LW is under qualified if they don’t have another job.

      Reply ↓
      1. LaurCha*

        my phrasing may be unclear: the tens of thousands of laid-off Feds are ALSO qualified candidates in competition for a shrinking job pool. Many fields are also seeing shrinking job opportunities, from tourism to industry to non-profits.

        Reply ↓
      2. Rainy*

        I think a lot of people in the comment section of this letter are angry and scared because things are awful out there and there’s no real safety net or protection for workers (or anyone else), and being reminded that some people have options and support that aren’t possible for everyone is making the comments much crueler than I think would usually happen in the case of a LW who’s being targeted and harassed by a coworker in this way and doesn’t feel empowered to seek help from their manager.

        I hope the LW is either too busy to respond or saw which way the wind was blowing and noped out after reading Alison’s response.

        Reply ↓
    3. anononon*

      I have about the same level of experience OP claims to have, and my last job search was a soul-crushing one-year affair where I ended up taking the first offer that came along and am still dealing with the mental health fallout. I know four other people roughly my age who’ve been through a grueling job search in the past year or two. That’s not even taking into account the recent layoffs LaurCha mentions, which happened after I got my current job.

      Most of us don’t have family businesses to fall back on, of course, so OP was lucky to have that, and got some special treatment, yes. But you don’t have to be snide about their qualifications; it’s completely believable that a qualified person wouldn’t have received offers elsewhere. As AAM frequently points out in interview-related questions from jobseekers, rejection doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unqualified, just that someone else had an edge you didn’t.

      Reply ↓
      1. Pay it forward*

        LW here:, so I can absolutely relate to you on the toll that the job search can have on your mental health, but even before I was job searching work life balance was always difficult to achieve in managerial positions. I don’t truly believe that at least in the states that traditional workplaces were ever designed for employees to be truly happy and healthy. They were only designed to enrich a small group of people at the top. Those who are healthy and happy quickly realize how toxic traditional workplaces are with no boundaries and no scheduling flexibility and find other alternatives.

        I happened to work in healthcare at one of the worst times, during covid and the constant fires we’d put out and the stress was no good. The only thing that made it bearable was being able to work from home. I truly miss WTH because I was able to accomplish so much without all the distractions that come with an office.

        Reply ↓
        1. Oliver*

          I don’t truly believe that at least in the states that traditional workplaces were ever designed for employees to be truly happy and healthy. They were only designed to enrich a small group of people at the top. Those who are healthy and happy quickly realize how toxic traditional workplaces are with no boundaries and no scheduling flexibility and find other alternatives.

          Everything you said here is extremely true. I think one factor could be the fact that companies are designed to enrich a small group of people at the top; with a family business, that means the family. They may be resentful and scared that your company will go the same way. But showing the moral framework you displayed in your comment will go a long way towards alleviating the fears that the company will take the traditional route of becoming a toxic empire.

          Reply ↓
    4. Beth*

      It took me 8 months of hunting to get 1 offer in my recent job hunt. I had 3 total first round interviews across probably 100% applications. I’m experienced in my field, was applying for a lateral move, and have been a high performer throughout my career. I just had the bad luck to be job hunting amid industry-wide layoffs. (Which were the cause of my hunt! I was very worried about my old company’s financial stability and felt like I needed to jump ship before my job got eliminated.) I’ve heard the same from friends and acquaintances across all sorts of fields in the last year.

      I know nepotism frustrates people, but acting like OP’s lack of other job offers is a sign about their qualifications is delusional in the current market.

      Reply ↓
    5. jtr*

      CG said: I do think it is fair for folks in general to be frustrated about nepohires and the proliferation of a system in which they, due to no fault of their own, are treated as less-than: there’s no safety net for most of us.

      I think that would be very fair in a NON-family business. In a family-owned and run business, this is just a dumb way to feel or think. By definition, someone from the family has more clout. By definition, someone from the family is 99% likely to take over the business at some point. If you really chafe under this presumption, don’t work for a family-owned and run business.

      I am stunned by the naivete? office politics unawareness? of people who are complaining about a nepohire to their parents and trying to get them in trouble for missing deadlines. Do they seriously think the parents are going to fire their kid? Who had been having trouble finding a job already?

      The parents are already bending over backwards to avoid the appearance of favoritism by not slapping down the complaints out of hand. That is WAY more than I would have expected to see. I agree that the culture at this company (or at least around the Time Card Complainer) is out of whack; I would have MUCH more expected the other employees to be kissing up to the potential new owner of the company.

      Reply ↓
      1. learnedthehardway*

        There’s also the point to be made that a privately owned, family-founded business required SOMEONE to take on a significant amount of risk and personal investment (and probably a significant lack of work/life balance) to get the business started and running profitably – over YEARS of operations.

        It’s delusional and pretty entitled to think that the business founder has no right to consider the business part of their children’s inheritance or that they don’t have a right to hire other family members.

        If you want to have entrepreneurs, you have to have business conditions that are conducive to people taking these risks. That’s just the way it is.

        Part of the survivability of a family business is how they navigate hiring family members – if they manage this well, the business can become multi-generational and employ many people besides the family members. Manage it poorly, and the business will fail and lose everyone their jobs. But the business owner is still the person who takes most of the financial risk and debt, even if they have an incorporated company.

        Reply ↓
    6. Dahlia*

      Well, that’s inappropriate.

      Serious question, what do you think happens to family businesses when the original owners retire?

      Reply ↓
      1. Pescadero*

        In the case of the few people I know who have owned businesses (a couple restaurants, and a multi-million dollar financial firm) – the new owners who bought the business when the owners retired.

        Reply ↓
    7. SnackAttack*

      First of all, people working for their parents or other family member is NOT new. In fact, it used to be the norm – you’d grow up and take over the family business. Not saying it’s always fair, but there are also degrees of unfairness; it’s not like Donald Trump giving his son-in-law a position in the White House that he’s not remotely qualified to do.

      Also, I know plenty of smart, qualified people who have been job searching for months with no results. It’s not necessarily a testament to the quality of worker.

      Reply ↓
  29. PDB*

    Wow. My family had a 4 generation business and I really wonder what happened in the years before the LW arrived. One wonders what the family hiring was like. Seemingly not so good.
    The facile advice would be leave but that doesn’t seem to be possible. But you may have an advantage in dealing with the others because you must have known them before you worked there.

    Reply ↓
    1. linger*

      That would not necessarily be any advantage, because even if OP had met these workers before, OP didn’t know them as coworkers, and didn’t know any of them personally. But also note OP can’t have been around the business much in at least the previous decade [see “bachelor’s degree” and “ten years working in other fields”], so could have joined as a complete stranger to every (non-related) employee.
      Instead, OP comes in with maximum mistrust, on several fronts, through no particular fault of OP’s own. Family member hire with no previous experience in this field: automatic suspicion about skillset, experience, and work ethic. Neurodivergence presents an additional dilemma: if *undisclosed* to coworkers, symptoms such as atypical affect lead to misperception of intent, and difficulty connecting with other employees on a personal level; but if *disclosed* to coworkers (by OP or by other family members), it can become yet a further “reason” to have your ability mistrusted.
      To this background of simmering resentment, OP’s earlier schedule adds a visibility problem we’ve seen before (where bad managers with later schedules never see earlier-scheduled employees’ start times, and only see them leave “early”, so don’t trust their work ethic, or else expect them to work longer hours). Hence the complaints about when OP leaves, and also the bananapants carpark monitoring.
      In this case the employees are not OP’s manager, and should have no say over OP’s schedule. Family/management need to firmly tell them *OP is performing the job as required* and *monitoring OP is not part of Coworker’s job*.
      There is no easy or reliable route for OP to gain these coworkers’ trust. And vocal support from management may hinder rather than help! But including a clear statement of the work rationale (for OP to work this schedule, and/or for coworkers to refocus on their own tasks) may at least minimise the damage.

      Reply ↓
  30. tabloidtainted*

    It seems your coworkers knew or sensed that your parents wouldn’t do much to defend you, out of concern for showing favoritism. I can’t imagine any other reason they’d be so comfortable targeting you. Your parents need to nip this in the bud.

    Reply ↓
  31. Middle Name Jane*

    If based in the U.S., are the employees (including LW) classified as exempt or non-exempt? Because if everyone is non-exempt and LW is working different hours, that could explain coworkers seemingly being nosy. They might be wondering if LW is getting overtime pay they’re not getting because their schedules have fixed hours.

    Reply ↓
  32. June*

    I see both sides. It’s almost impossible for parents not to favor their own child in some ways. I don’t think the don’t pay attention to other people schedules is gonna work in this case because if letter writer is given the opportunity to come in hours early to catch up on work and they aren’t, then that’s a valid complaint. With the projects, if they’re dated, it can be traced back to whoever didn’t do the work for them. But things like flexible hours, are harder to justify if not everyone gets them. And the boss’s kid does.

    Reply ↓
    1. CoffeeBreakConsultant*

      Why shouldn’t the owners favor their own child?

      * It’s a private business
      * She’s their child
      * She will likely inherit the business, or at least running it one day

      Why shouldn’t they be treating her as special, not just as another employee.

      Growing up, my parents had a dry cleaning business. I not only pressed shirts all day, I did the books, taxes, payroll and made sure we were compliant with government regulations. All as a teenager.

      Of course she should be treated differently. She’s not just another employee.

      Reply ↓
      1. allathian*

        True, but holding your own child to the same standards as everyone else is reasonable, even with the expectation that the next generation will take over the business in the future.

        Some family business owners go overboard in the other direction and expect their kids to work longer hours with less pay (or even for free if they’re teenagers living at home) than outsiders, and that isn’t fair, either.

        Reply ↓
  33. Reading Rainbow*

    This might be nothing but as someone who is also neurodivergent I have noticed I tend to really set off the hall monitor types in most places I’ve worked, and the places where I’ve gotten the worst of it are the ones where I have done stuff like come in during off hours to buckle down into some deep focus work.

    I don’t uh… I don’t have any helpful advice or explanations for this, just an observation. Now to kick back and wait for replies telling me it’s probably that I suck in some way I don’t realize and actually deserve it :)

    Reply ↓
    1. Rainy*

      I think you’re onto something. Something I’ve noticed throughout my career–heck, my life–is that being better and faster at some tasks than the average person really causes issues with the hall monitor type. I don’t know why. It’s literally just a weird talent that I worked to cultivate because it was useful. I’m not doing it on purpose, or to show people up. I literally can’t be bad or slow at that stuff anymore.

      Reply ↓
      1. Reading Rainbow*

        It took me until well into my 30’s to even catch it, but there is a 1:1 correlation between the amount I am head-down working and the amount I am getting complained about. Prior to that, the more people griped at me, the more I would buckle down harder and harder and try to be more and more nonstop productive and on task. I figured that if I could just be as good as possible at my job and was always seen to be working hard and never slacking, people would see that and lay off. Insert extremely incorrect buzzer sound here. It has absolutely always turned into a positive feedback loop where I’m trying harder and harder and doing more and more and people are just getting more and more crappy with me.

        Reply ↓
        1. allathian*

          It’s unfortunate, but a possible natural consequence if head-down working means zero interest in socializing at work. I don’t mean continuously talking with coworkers about non-work things, but if you’re so focused that you don’t acknowledge the presence of others around you, ever, you’re going to be read as aloof in many places. That paired with being highly productive at work is probably going to land you in crappy land. It’s not fair.

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          1. Heffalump*

            30-odd years ago when I was doing temporary word processing, someone at a temp agency told me about a temp they’d sent on a few assignments. He could type accurately at some absurd speed, well north of 100 words per minute. But once someone at the client company was being feted with cake, soft drinks, etc., everyone else was joining in, and he was head down. I don’t know if the client actually said, “Take him out of here,” but it worked against him.

            Reply ↓
          2. Reading Rainbow*

            Quite the opposite, actually, I am really social and chatty by nature. I keep that pretty reined in at work because no one likes the time vampire in the office, either, but I don’t have (or want) to ignore people to get things done. I’m really efficient and always have wiggle room in my day. Not all neurodivergent people are the type who struggle with social interactions, I’m really extroverted and in non-work contexts people usually bill me as outgoing and reasonably charming.

            It does not matter. Even if I were very aloof, not part of the group socially in some way, it’s never ever tied to that. Just like in the letter, it’s complaints about my actual concrete work or conduct that are just… Fake. Or just absurdly petty. People complaining to my boss that I was refusing to send them info when in fact I’d sent them exactly what they asked for already and we’d even discussed it, for a real example. Someone on my team going around and announcing to everyone else on the floor one at a time any time I took a (rare) sick day, but not doing that with anyone else, another real example from a different job entirely. Just crappy, petty, stupid behavior that would be crappy and petty and stupid even if I was a huge jerk.

            Reply ↓
    2. learnedthehardway*

      No criticism here – you do work in the way that works best for you, and there’s nothing wrong with that (and everything right with it).

      Reply ↓
  34. She was no mathematician mind you*

    If it weren’t for nepotism we wouldn’t even know Ed Begley Junior, only the original Ed Begley.

    Reply ↓
  35. CaliforniaRoller*

    I had a guy like that once who was ticked off I got a job he wanted.

    After a month of grumbling about me to anyone that would listen he started sitting in the lobby waiting for me in the morning. The first time he didn’t see me come in or at my desk he went to my boss with a pre-filled write up for tardiness.

    Shame that I’d been in a meeting with said boss half an hour before my official starting time. The boss, who was already aware of the whining about me, told him that it wasn’t his circus, that I was not his monkey, and to knock it off.

    When he repeated the performance three weeks later, this time with a write up for time theft based on the fact my car wasn’t in the parking lot after lunch but that I was still punched in, he got suspended.

    Not for the write up, or the whining, or the fact he hadn’t stopped doing what he had been told to. See, when the boss informed him I was at a client’s site, the fool wanted to argue that he should’ve been informed of my whereabouts and told the boss that ‘he was being watched, too’.

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  36. Mesquito*

    Obviously your parents would need to balance it w your right to medical privacy, but has it been made clear to everyone else that they could have flexible schedules as an accomodation if they need it? They shouldn’t be acting this way regardless but if they think you’re getting it as some nepo perk instead of a medical accomodation that everyone is legally entitled to, it might be making this worse for you.

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  37. Summer*

    If there is any chance of LW eventually inheriting the business and becoming the boss, it seems especially shortsighted for these employees to be giving LW a hard time now. I really don’t understand what they are doing. It’s not as if LW walked into a high level job fresh from college or high school – they’ve been working for a decade elsewhere. People need to mind their own business unless and until LW does something that legitimately impacts their work.

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  38. Shipbuilding Techniques*

    This whole thread is reminding me of Succession! I am musing on just what it means to be “qualified” for a position or not.

    Reply ↓
  39. cncx*

    The commentariat is missing a key part of Alison’s message, that regardless of whether or not OP can do her job or has offended her coworkers in another way, the fact that people are tit for tatting when she clocks in is part of a bigger culture problem that the parents need to lean into. If she were not their child I think it would be clocked as really weird culture but instead y’all are like “is your ten years experience really ten years” and not the fact that there are long term employees acting really, really weird.

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  40. Nysee*

    You have a problem with the owner’s offspring getting special privileges?

    Feel free to look elsewhere for employment. Find that workplace where there’s no nepotism.

    Then come back to this site and complain about how Clothilde in Llama Grooming is allowed to leave by 4:55 every 4th Thursday. Be sure to check that her car is still there at 4:54. You’ve got this.

    Reply ↓
  41. Notalice*

    I’m autistic and worked at my dad’s office for about 5 years. It was an uphill battle to prove I was qualified. I’d say it took a year but then I was a member of the team. Advocate for others when you can, your family relationships can also work in your favor.

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  43. I don't work in this van*

    My SO dealt with this a bit when he worked at his dad’s company out of college (where he’d worked several previous summers and, since this was pre-obamacare, was critical to maintaining medical insurance for his pre-existing condition). There was a particular contractor who complained about him constantly – he was sick all the time time (he ended up in the ER with pneumonia, had a doctor’s note, and still was within sick leave bounds), he was too slow on reports (never missed a deadline, was juggling more projects than others at his level because of his preexisting client knowledge), and just generally didn’t trust him because she didn’t know he had worked there previously.
    I never understood the point of someone complaining about him to his own father, tbh; how is that going to pay off for you in the long run? Anyway, her contract was not renewed and my husband worked there for like 5 more years (and was deeply uncomfortable the entire time, mostly because of this experience).
    Your parents need to tell these people to grow up and do their jobs.

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    1. Rainy*

      While my dad was in college he’d come back to his hometown on weekends he didn’t have ROTC responsibilities and work in the family business, which was a seasonal drive-in style place–seating was outdoor picnic tables, and they did hot dogs, ice cream, sodas, that kind of thing. My dad and his brother were in college at that point and came home as much as they could to manage, so my grandparents could have time off. One time he came home and jumped in after the counter help crew had been hired and there were a lot of new crew members. He overheard one of the new employees complain to another crew member, “Who does he think he is, I’ve never seen him before, how is he a manager.” Dad just laughed to himself and kept working. Eventually the newb griped to someone who’d worked there the previous summer, and that girl said “He’s the owner’s son, dummy, he’s been working here since they built the place!”

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  44. m0ragan0*

    Coming from a “child” who works in the family business (re: a grown adult with working experience and a lawyer… aka I have the necessary qualifications)… it is an inherent privilege to be hired in the family business, but I don’t think that negates any experience or qualifications you do bring to the table. The spotlight is automatically on you and your work will be scrutinized more than others, so don’t give anybody a reason to doubt your presence there. You must be, and appear to be, “above board”.

    Others are valid to be wary at first, and you can give them a bit of grace while they’re getting to know you and your work… but that being said, if this is persisting after months of you working hard, being friendly to everyone, meeting your deliverables, etc., then I say this points to a toxic work culture already in place prior to you being there.

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  45. SlinkyDog*

    Hey OP – you probably won’t see this with all the other comments, but I want you to know I get it. I graduated during the recession and came to work for my parents when I couldn’t get another job. Like you, I was very grateful to have a safety net – most people are not so lucky.

    I started at the bottom. I didn’t earn minimum wage, but I did earn the minimum my parents paid anyone. I filed patient charts, I answered phones, I scanned, I shredded the paperwork after I scanned – I made coffee runs even though that wasn’t part of the job. I learned the business and I worked my way up, and after more than a dozen years, when I was running an entire (small) department, and despite staff turnover in a dozen years, I was STILL treated the way you describe.

    It’s so hard even when your bosses do back you up (or it was for me). We are a small enough company that I felt hated by most people here. On a personal note, I was young, and my coworkers would go out to dinner or drinks and not invite me. They had inside jokes and took lunches together, and then there was me over here, trying to fit in, and just failing, just because I’m the bosses’ daughter. On a work note, I’d delegate work, ask for clarification, ask for a mistake to be fixed so I could get my job done, whatever – and I’d get eye rolls and huffs and if the work actually got done, it was done extremely begrudgingly.

    A few things helped me, but they aren’t things you should strive for, honestly. One is that post-COVID, we had a lot of staff turnover, and we finally found a great staff who don’t question my role or why I’m here. My competence is enough. The fact that I may use flex time some days doesn’t bother them because it’s clear that I put in a minimum of 40 hours – and no one but me is watching my minutes like a hawk (like I don’t watch their minutes like a hawk!). Another is since I decided to stay, for a variety of reasons, I went back and got an MBA in my field. It didn’t give me much knowledge that I hadn’t already gleaned after more than a dozen years doing the job, but it did give me something tangible to point to if anyone has an issue with the fact that I was a nepotism hire – I might be a nepotism hire, but I have the knowledge, the skills, the track record, and the expensive piece of paper to prove I can do the job. And finally, my father retired. That wasn’t as fun, but suddenly all the things they used to ask him to do that he’d then delegate to me had to come straight to me. There was no questioning whether or not I could do the job, because I’m the *only* one doing these parts of the job.

    Anyways, if this isn’t your long-term job, I think Alison’s advice is good. Let your parents treat you the same way they would treat any other employee regarding these complaints, and let it roll off your back. If this is a long-term job, I would say be prepared to confront it head on and nip it in the bud.

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