update on the coworker stockpiling smelly clothes in office that wasn’t his by Alison Green on December 20, 2011 Remember the coworker with major boundaries issues, who was stockpiling smelly clothes in an office that wasn’t his, answering other people’s phone, and engaging in other objectionable behavior? Here’s the update: Things are sadly…exactly the same. We have gone from being passive aggressive to flat out open and nothing fazes this guy. The office where he keeps his pile of clothes? I actually printed out a biohazard sticker and stuck it on the door. He made no mention of it whatsoever and it’s still stuck up there. We have made various comments to higher-ups about how we can’t even have meetings in there because it smells so bad that it’s embarrassing to even let someone stick their head in there. We just got back from a conference and I’m 99% sure that he just packed whatever was in that room without washing it. I also had a not-so-subtle moment with my manager when she came into our main area and actually complained to us about the state of his belongings. We all kind of looked at her in disbelief and said, “Well someone should do something about it,” to which she replied, “There have been many discussions.” So A – this has actually been discussed but not enforced in any way, or B – there haven’t actually been any discussions. Our needs and requests fall on deaf ears, so I think at least for now, we are stuck with him. People wonder why this is such a high turnover job, but I guess it’s pretty obvious seeing this is how things are handled. Meanwhile, Ted continues on his awkward, noncommittal hygiene path. He has now in fact taken up residence in yet ANOTHER office (so now he officially has 3 places where he spreads out), and normally this would be irksome, but I think we’re all just glad to have our nasal passages clear up when he leaves. You may also like:I'm the smelly coworkerwhy can't I wear shorts to work?my constantly available coworkers keep commenting on my healthier work-life balance { 79 comments }
Lee* December 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm um…..what?? How is this tolerated in a professional work environment?? Big red flags as to how this company is managed.
Dawn* December 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm This is one of the updates I was most looking forward to and I’m so disappointed that nothing has happened for the better. “There have been many discussions” usually means the manager has talked to, not reprimanded, the offender once and is just waiting to see if it suddenly dawns on him that he’s making the office a pig sty and will clean it all up. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s been my experience. Of course, if there actually was a reprimand (doubt it) the manager isn’t going to share that with anyone.
Long Time Admin* December 21, 2011 at 8:24 am I think “there have been many discussions” actually means the manager and possibly one HR person talked about what they should do and decided not to do anything. I hate these weasel-y phrases that people use to try to deflect responsibility.
Katie* December 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm I’m sort of confused. The OP says that they have stopped being passive aggressive and are now being “flat out open”…but leaving biohazard signs on doors is *not* being open. That’s still passive aggressive behavior. They’ve “made various comments” to management…but has there been a serious sit-down discussion about how this is impacting the office or the impression it gives to any visitors to the office–include, presumably, clients–that there is someone using apparently 3 separate offices as his personal dirty laundry hamper? If the manager is walking in and commenting on it, it would seem like no one has directly gone to the manager and said, “Ted’s dirty laundry is a serious issue, and needs to be taken care of immediately,” not just an off-the-cuff, “And, boy, that Ted…” in a conversation about something else. Maybe I misunderstood, and maybe it really is that Ted is oblivious and management has been too hands off. BUT. I am curious how direct they’re actually being, because a biohazard sign does not qualify.
fposte* December 20, 2011 at 6:36 pm I did think that too–that seemed an odd connection, really. But I think there’s been a bit of an unfair pattern in the responses of holding the OPs responsible for actually fixing the problem they’ve been facing even when it’s somebody else’s job to do so, so I’m inclined to note this is a discrepancy but consider it beyond the OP’s powers to fix even if s/he were more direct. But I’d knock it off on the stickers. All that does is nibble away at the high ground of the people putting up with the situation.
Guy* December 20, 2011 at 7:07 pm Well if you’re the one having the problem ultimately it’s your job to make sure your problem gets resolved by some means or another, no?
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 20, 2011 at 7:38 pm Not everyone has the authority to ensure a problem gets solved, if they have a passive/weak/bad manager.
Katie* December 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm I agree completely, and I don’t want to blame OP for things that are beyond their control if they really are doing what they can and management isn’t following through. I’m just not sure how the OP defines being direct and how much the group is still relying on off-handed remarks, shocked looks and funny signs to get their message across to management…and to Ted.
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 20, 2011 at 8:20 pm I agree with that — because the examples given in the update aren’t all that direct. It’s an interesting illustration of how often people think they’re being direct when they aren’t.
Henning Makholm* December 20, 2011 at 7:16 pm My thoughts exactly. Don’t say: “Well someone should do something about it”. That’s still passive-aggressive. Being “flat out open” means saying: “It is your job as the manager to do something about it”.
Josh S* December 22, 2011 at 9:59 am Exactly. Someone needs to go 3 rungs up the ladder, get that boss, and say, “Walk with me.” Take that person to the offending room and say, “Ted is leaving his clothes here. You can tell how much it stinks. It’s affecting the performance of this team, it’s causing a negative perception from our clients, and it is hurting the company. Our manager is not doing anything about this. Her manager is not doing anything about this. I’d normally never come to you with something so mundane, but action needs to be taken, and you’re the only one who can get it done now. Please tell Ted that this behavior needs to change or else there will be consequences to his continued employment.” Direct means serious. Nobody’s gotten to that point yet, it sounds like.
JessB* December 22, 2011 at 8:06 pm I would do and say exactly this, with the exception of the last half of the last sentence – I’d finish with “PLease tell Ted that this behaviour need to change.” Hopefully by that point, the higher-up manager would see that something absolutely must be done, but I would think it’s still up to them exactly what that is, in terms of the consequences to Ted’s job. If no-one really has spoken directly to Ted about this, it would be improper to fire him straight away. The standard office procedures should be followed (by which I mean, that office needs to be cleaned up pronto, and clothes can’t ever be left like that again, and Ted should know that this situation cannot be allowed to repeat itself).
Jen M.* December 21, 2011 at 9:04 am A couple of possibilities: 1. Management does not care. For whatever reason, management clearly appears able to function at a distance from the whole situation, which sucks. 2. There is a reall issue there, and management knows about it, but they can’t do much about it. The man is probably mentally ill. Maybe he IS homeless, and they know all of this but don’t know what to do about it without facing legal ramifications. I don’t really KNOW anything–I’m just guessing, here.
Shackleford Hurtmore* December 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm Easy – why not dump his dirty clothes in your manager’s office next time both of them are out of the office for a few days?
Anonymous* December 20, 2011 at 10:20 pm I was thinking about just throwing them out to window. You know…to air out! But then again….ew…who would want to touch them?
Suz* December 21, 2011 at 11:04 am Who cares if their cheap or not. The company should be paying for the gloves and the garbage bags.
Jaime* December 20, 2011 at 6:41 pm Is it possible that this guy has some kind of mental illness that is untreated and this behaviour is a side effect of that? Hygiene issues, sounds like he’s hoarding that office (though that might be me projecting my “Hoarders” tv show addiction) and poor behaviour towards his coworkers. I don’t know what you as coworkers or your bosses can do in that case, but it might be worth mentioning to “Ted”. In any case, straight forward speech and actions are called for here. If he sits at your desk, tell him to move – loudly and firmly. If he answers your phone, tell him to stop – loudly and firmly. (though after he’s off the phone so no clients hear you) If you need to use one of the offices he’s commandeered, then clear the space you need and put the displaced items where they belong – on his desk. You do not have the authority to enforce the dress code with him, you do have the authority to tell him to leave your work space alone when he has a perfectly good work space of his own to use. And please continue to followup with your manager – I would tell her about the issues and outline the actions I intended to implement (like moving his non-work related items out of the way when you need to use the office) and see what she says.
Gene* December 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm If this were in our office, the manager would get a heads-up at the meeting Katie suggested that if the dirty, smelly clothes were still there on Friday quitting time they would be gone come Monday morning. And tell Ted the same thing. Then on Friday afternoon, when they aren’t gone (and I bet they won’t be), put on particle masks and gloves and load up the garbage bags. Don’t throw them in the dumpster, but put them somewhere else (maybe the manager’s office?) so you can’t be accused of theft. If they didn’t go to the manager’s office, send her an email telling her where they are. On Monday morning when Ted goes ballistic (classic hoarder behavior when the hoard is disturbed) tell him where they are and tell him if he starts his Occupy Empty Office act again, you’ll burn them next time. You apparently aren’t his boss, but if you and your coworkers don’t push it, nothing will happen (because it hasn’t thus far.) There WILL be a big hoohaw over this and HR will get involved (and why haven’t they yet?); but you have a choice, put on your big-girl pants and take action or live with Ted’s increasing spread and assault on your nasal passages.
Long Time Admin* December 21, 2011 at 8:21 am Gene, that’s pretty much what I going to post. GARBAGE BAGS, PEOPLE! Get some, fill them with those disgusting clothes, and take them out to the dumpster. Spray Lysol on every surface those items touched. You complain because people wipe their feet on you. So stop acting like a doormat!
Natalie* December 20, 2011 at 7:01 pm I wonder if someone in management there fundamentally misunderstands the ADA and believes this is “reasonable accommodation”.
Nichole* December 21, 2011 at 9:41 am I also thought that. If this person is mentally ill and failing to comply with or seek treatment, is the company still liable for making accomodations at all? Donna Ballman, are you here?
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 21, 2011 at 10:26 am Since an employer can only accommodate disabilities that they’re aware of, generally it’s the employee’s responsibility to inform the employer that they need an accommodation. However, an employer isn’t required to accommodate unreasonably — just accommodations that won’t cause “undue hardship” — and I don’t think a court would rule that an employer needs to allow the type of behavior being described here.
Natalie* December 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm The manager in question might very well think they can’t ask this guy to stop, though. There seem to be a lot of people that think non-discrimination laws prevent them from firing anyone in those protected classes.
fposte* December 21, 2011 at 7:00 pm But that hasn’t been mentioned to anybody when the issue has been brought up and there’s no evidence he’s in a protected class, so it’s pretty unlikely. I think it’s just a workplace where people aren’t comfortable with direct approaches to a problem.
Cruella* December 20, 2011 at 7:02 pm What? I can’t believe this! You are not talking to the right people. If your manager is not concerned enough, then I bet her manager is.
OP* December 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm For everyone commenting on him being a hoarder, I have no idea if this is the case or not. I have never been to his home (obviously) so all I can base it on is what I see at the office. As for the passive-aggressiveness, yes, putting a sticker on the door is just that. I honestly thought my managers would see it and be embarrassed about it, but that hasn’t happened. The real issue is that we ARE very blunt about things and have definitely said things to his face, not only to him, but within our managers earshot. He’s been spoken to about his behavior on multiple accounts due to complaints from all different departments. The sad reality is that the part of his job where is he isn’t being (and smelling like) a turd? He’s actually good at it. My job is high-turnover to begin with and hard to get fired from, which is a whole other story. So they keep him because he can do the job and doesn’t complain. Imagine how frustrating this is for all of us. Well, not me anymore…I just accepted a new position today!
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 20, 2011 at 7:39 pm Congratulations on your new position! I am going to quibble with you on saying things flat-out though. If you’re just saying things within your manager’s earshot, that’s not the same as saying, “This is a serious problem and we need something done about it. What steps can be taken to solve this?”
Katie* December 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm Agreed. Actually, I’d take it a step further. I’d go to my manager and say, “This is a serious problem. Here is a suggestion I have.” In my office, we have a community fridge. There is a sign on the fridge that says anything left overnight will be tossed. This is religiously enforced, and if people leave something in there, they can’t complain, because everyone knows it’s going to be gone in the morning. Suggest to your manager that they implement a policy that no personal effects be allowed to linger in community spaces (including the offices that Ted is currently marking with his scent) beyond a 24-hour period. Let everyone know this policy is going into place, give everyone a clear start date (a grace period of a few days is a nice thing to do), and put up signs in the impacted community spaces so there is no confusion. Then, when/if Ted leaves his stuff after the first 24-hour period has lapsed, into the dumpster it goes. This not only remedies the problem with parts of your office looking/smelling like an episode of reality TV, but it also effectively lets Ted (and everyone else) know that those spaces do not belong to Ted. The only thing to work out there is who will be responsible for disposing of Ted’s junk.
Anonymous* December 20, 2011 at 9:54 pm Totall Agree with this comment. We do the same thing in our office.
Anonymous* December 21, 2011 at 9:18 am One of my coworkers just mentioned that they did this one place he worked with people’s dirty dishes in the sink – they got tossed. It stopped the problem of people leaving their dishes around for “mom” to wash or put into the dishwasher.
Anonymous* December 20, 2011 at 10:22 pm I think the OP might mean that the office workers said blunt things to him within managers’ earshot. But I can be wrong. English has a tendency to be ambiguous.
anonymouse* December 20, 2011 at 8:57 pm OP, Please tell us that you will have an exit interview with a show and tell.
Jen M.* December 21, 2011 at 9:10 am Congratulations! I’m so glad you are able to move on! Yay you! Thank you for writing in with an update, though. I’m sorry that nothing changed.
Anonymous* December 21, 2011 at 8:48 am I understand your frustration, but the bio-hazard sticker seems like an immature and high-school-bully-like move.
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 21, 2011 at 9:12 am I am having a bout of frustration this morning with a couple of these updates that show the OPs pretty much ignored my advice, this one included. I’m starting to think people write to me hoping for some magic bullet that will solve their problems without them having to do anything assertive or uncomfortable. Grrrr….
fposte* December 21, 2011 at 9:19 am I suspect you’ve just made every therapist in the country nod in assent.
Josh S* December 22, 2011 at 10:06 am Yup. “What should I do about ____.” “Deal with it. Which means doing hard/difficult/uncomfortable thing.” “Oh noes! That would be hard/difficult/uncomfortable!” “Well, you’ll have to do it if you ever want ____ to change!” “I guess that ____ isn’t that bad. If it were, I’d deal with the hard/difficult/uncomfortable thing instead of continuing to deal with ____.”
JessB* December 22, 2011 at 8:20 pm Like! This is exactly what so many people seem to think! Oddly enough, I was reminded of this in the update about the party where Alison herself said she sometimes doesn’t want to go to events, but then goes and has a great time. Often, when you take action about something, it’s worth it. Not always, but often. And it certainly makes you feel better than doing nothing.
Joanna Reichert* December 21, 2011 at 9:43 am Ooooooh yes, I know the feeling. But do take some comfort that: 1) We’re being thoroughly shocked and amused. 2) There’s a heap of discussion on your website and return users. 3) The rest of us are learning valuable lessons from these situations!
Anonymous_J* December 21, 2011 at 9:48 am Is it possible that some of them ARE listening and are trying to take your advice, but are being ignored or bulldozed? I ask, because I am in a situation where I am a low-level worker, and any grievances/issues I bring up are either ignored or put back on me–even if they are beyond my power to solve–or I’m being told it’s my fault. That does happen quite a lot, as I’m sure you know. I’m just glad THIS OP was able to move on to a better position!
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 21, 2011 at 10:18 am There are definitely situations like the ones you describe: where you speak up assertively and are still ignored. And then you need to decide if you’re going to live with the situation or look elsewhere. But in this case, the OP doesn’t seem to have taken the original advice (and doesn’t seem to be acknowledging that either). I would respect a straightforward acknowledgement of “you know, I thought about what you said and I just couldn’t figure out a way to feel comfortable doing it.” That’s understandable to me. What frustrates is me is reading an update where it’s like the person didn’t even think about what I wrote. (OP, sorry to pick on you here; you’re not the only update that gave me this impression, just the one where I happened to note it!)
Joey* December 21, 2011 at 11:28 am C’mon Alison,you know most people just can’t bring themselves to initiate a difficult discussion. I have a feeling a good number already know what they should do, but are answer shopping. Besides its easy to discard advice from someone you don’t know very well.
khilde* December 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm I agree with Joey about the reasons why OPs aren’t taking your advice. I think you’re right about the magic bullet bit. I do employee training for my organization and people tend to come to class hoping I’ll have the magic solution for difficult people, time management, communication problems etc. People want the easy answer, I think. I’d be curious to know if the updates where OPs didn’t take your advice were situations where you advised a direct and frank conversation with another person. Some of the situations warrant that and some of them don’t. Having a direct confrontation with another person is so hard for so many of us to do. I suspect if it weren’t, the person wouldn’t be writing to you in the first place :)
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm Yes, and you’re right that these situations are ones where I advised a direct conversation. What surprises me isn’t that they’re not taking my advice, but rather that that fact is totally unaddressed in their responses :) It seems strange to me to not acknowledge it (although the OP with the food police coworker did).
khilde* December 21, 2011 at 2:40 pm And the question of them not addressing it in their update reply? It could be because deep-down they KNOW that they didn’t take your advice (and even deeper-down, they know your advice was sound), so it’s sort of the “don’t-mention-it-and-maybe-she’ll-forget” sort of a thing?
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm I should add that I’m grateful that people are sending in updates and I don’t want to discourage anyone from doing that! I was just musing this morning on the strangeness of expressing continuing frustration with a situation without acknowledging that a potential solution had been presented but (apparently) ignored.
OP* December 23, 2011 at 7:51 am ^This. That made me discourged as the OP. I did absolutely take your advice into consideration but there are a couple different reasons why I didn’t/couldn’t approach it the way you suggested. My job is hard to get fired from, but the problem with this is that many people come to me complaining about this because I need to work the closest with him, but I am still not his boss. I have no authority here, nor is it my responsibility to see things are “taken care of”. I have made direct comments to my boss about the state of this office in personal meetings. It goes in one ear and out the other or I get the generic “we’re handling it”. I have no where else further up to go. As for taking matters into my own hands, I can only do that so much before I’m labeled as a trouble maker. I wouldn’t get fired necessarily, but I would get passed over for certain things, so it becomes an issue of how much is it worth making this my problem. I did listen to your advice and realized no matter I did, management will not side with me on this, hence the new job. Like I said before, it is high turnover for a reason.
Karyn* December 21, 2011 at 9:17 am I wonder if this could be a health violation – any chance you guys could report it? I know it’s also not “direct,” but it seems like no one in management is listening to you, so this might be an option.
Interviewer* December 21, 2011 at 10:13 am AAM, of course they’re writing you because they have a problem they can’t solve on their own. Writing a stranger on the internet is far easier than confronting the bully, or prodding the homeless hoarder. You’re telling them to do something they don’t want to do in the first place. Why am I not surprised they took a different path? I have a little rock on my desk that has the word “courage” carved into it. It’s a constant reminder as a manager to have the courage to have that difficult conversation. Many times my co-workers have surprised me with their gracious acceptance of the message, rather than pouting or getting angry like I expected. Having the conversation is a start to resolving a bad situation for everyone – I realize that it doesn’t get any better unless I speak up. And even when they have a hard time accepting the message, people leave the meeting with more information, and a direction to take toward improvement. Never a bad thing at work. Maybe your OPs need some courage. I realize we don’t work all day long with these people they’re writing about, and we don’t have face any of the repercussions of confrontation – but I’ve had difficult conversations with plenty of people that I work with, and I’m still here to tell the tale. So are some of them. If they aren’t capable of having that courageous conversation, the workplace will be a very hard path for them.
Anonymous* December 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm Wow, I have a little jug that says ashes of problem employees on my desk. :p
Tara* December 21, 2011 at 11:52 am Office secret santa idea…a gift certificate to one of those fold and wash laundry services. :) Temporary yet effective
AGirlNamedMe* December 21, 2011 at 12:28 pm If the OP doesn’t have the courage to go to the manager alone and be assertive, it would be ok to take another co-worker or two to the meeting. I don’t necessarily like the idea of creating a policy for this particular situation – everyone will be impacted, but only one person (that we know of) is an issue. Management / HR needs to have a serious sit down with Ted – let him know his items need to be removed and find out if he’s in need of some support. Something isn’t right here – and no one is doing him any favors by letting this drag on.
Christy* December 21, 2011 at 1:13 pm It’s obvious that the manager is aware of the situation, but is not acting or enforcing a change. I am an “initiator” and do what I can within my capabilities to initiate a change. I work with a company that employs a program called “6s” – Sort – Distinguish between what is needed and not needed and to remove the latter. Stabilize – Enforce a place for everything and everything in its place. Shine – Clean up the workplace and look for ways to keep it clean. Standardize – Maintain and monitor adherence to the first three Ss. Sustain – Follow the rules to keep the workplace 6S-right—”maintain the gain.”. Safety – Eliminate hazards. (Many companies only employ 5s because safety hazards are not inherent to the job.) Basically – everything has a place. If I were in your shoes, I would look for approval of implementation of 5s in the office. If you get the ‘go-ahead’, then that means CLEANING HOUSE. Everything has a place and if it’s not part of your work environment, throw it out. I’d give the office (and this guy) fair warning of what was being implemented (and the ramifications of losing his wardrobe… and if nothing happens, toss it). Trust me, he’ll quit leaving his clothes around if they start disappearing… Also, I would incorporate responsibilities – every person has a location that they are responsible for maintaining the cleanliness and organization, and they can be held accountable for it. When others start feeling the brunt of this one guy’s behavior, they’ll act on it and they’ll step up to enforce it because now they have to answer for it. Change is good – you first. Your manager may not be putting forth an effort to enforce ground/office rules, but that doesn’t mean you can’t “ask for permission” to be the enforcer – all the manager has to do is back you up.
Christy* December 21, 2011 at 4:07 pm Haha – I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing! If it helps, I’m not in sales. Just sharing something that really helped the company where I work – perhaps I should work on my deliverance?
Emily* December 22, 2011 at 12:38 am I’ve only been a reader for a few months, but it’s a term that seems to be applied to either something that sounds like a sales pitch (as you guessed) or something that sounds overly corporate or uses too much jargon. For example, a “6S” rule when “Keep the office clean, safe and tidy at all times” would suffice. :) I agree with your post though, because this company really does need a “keep the office clean” rule that is enforced consistently. They don’t have one and resentment is building up big time because of management’s ineffectiveness on this.
Anonymous* December 23, 2011 at 11:15 am At this point if I was a manager I would probably box up his stuff and ship it to his home address. Yeah, I’d probably get in trouble for that. :)
Christy* December 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm I like that idea – minus having to pay to ship it – but if you take it out of his paycheck … too bad that’s illegal. =/ I think if I worked there and couldn’t get something implemented and enforced for a clean office, I’d take 1 piece of clothing a day and toss it in a dumpster (making sure no one sees). I can think of a lot of other things to do, but they’re extremely immature and unprofessional, haha, so I wouldn’t do them; however, thinking of the reactions to my ideas makes me smile… but I digress.
Anonymous* December 26, 2011 at 6:42 am Ship it on the company account. If the company won’t or can’t deal with it and make him stop then I have no problem with this. Hence why I did state “If I was a manager” in the hope the managers would have authority to approve the shipping charge.
Kat* December 27, 2011 at 7:41 pm I had an employee who had major hygiene issues. Telling him to shower and wear clean clothes or he would be let go would only work for a day or so. And he would always have an excuse as to why he couldn’t wash his clothes. Did I mention they were visibly dirty? And, yes, he smelled badly. Loooooong story short: we truly believe he had a mental illness. It became undeniably evident. After he left, I looked over his company e-mails and was appalled at what he was sending out. If this employee in your office is mentally ill, he may be doing more than spreading out and piling up dirty clothes.
Rob* December 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm Watch the Dog Whisperer. This is a fear-aggression issue. He suffers from extremely low self esteem. He is socially and emotionally underdeveloped. He knows that he lacks these skills and is terrified and embarrassed to interact with people for fear of behaving “wrong”. Embarrassment and humiliation are mortifying to him. To compensate he forces an exaggerated version of his awkwardness on his co-workers so that they have to accept his behavior and he doesn’t need to admit to his deficiencies. It’s fear. I’m going to guess that Ted is highly intelligent and works in a technical capacity (not to force Ted INTO and stereotype, the stereotype comes from people like Ted). For him his not acceptable behavior is all passive-aggressive so that he avoids direct confrontation and the embarrassment that would bring. To respond to his behavior passive-aggressively only feeds him (never feed the troll – (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)). He LOVED the bio hazard sign, I guarantee it. Not only has he elicited a response, but it was a passive response that he didn’t have to deal with. His improper behavior starts as a preemptive strike against the social norm which frightens him. It’s a way for him to build a comfortable, safe nest within the scary and embarrassing society of the office. And then it grew, physically. He is literally marking his territory. The bigger his nest the more comfortable he becomes, the more he feels that he has control over some part of his life. And this is not a narcissistic or ego issue, it’s not a dominance issue, it’s low self esteem and the need to feel safe. If Ted is confronted with his social non-conformity it will only increase his feelings of isolation and he will make his nest bigger. So how do you deal with this? Are you sympathetic towards Ted? Do you think he needs help? Help will take work, and, understand, his behavior is not “wrong” it is merely socially unacceptable. Ted is free to dress and bath as he pleases outside of the office society. He needs an authority figure. He can only be managed by someone he can respect. Ideally this would be a mentor, very dominate, who would slowly introduce socially normal behavior, both at work and outside work. Ted would be brought out of his nest with safe baby steps. The mentor would have to be dedicated as it would be a long process and would have to extend outside of work. Barring that, he needs a strict father or drill sergeant. Someone who aggressively does not accept his non-compliance, but at the same time does not call attention to his lack of social skills. The best course of action would be for the drill sergeant to stay after work with Ted and clean up the crap with him. It’s important that there be no co-workers around as that would embarrass and humiliate Ted. Embarrassment lowers his self esteem. The drill sergeant has to be on top of Ted constantly for the first couple of months. The drill sergeant has to demonstrate utmost respect of all the co-workers and all the social niceties and call Ted to task immediately if he violates them. He has to display his dominance over Ted in public, not to show Ted as weak, but validate Ted’s subservient position. If everyone knows Ted is subservient to the drill sergeant then Ted will feel safe (not embarrassed) when he conforms to the drill sergeant’s commands. Now, if I’m totally wrong in my analysis of Ted then he’s probably just an asshole. Fire him.
OP* June 28, 2012 at 8:52 am I came back on the off-chance that anyone is interested in an even further update. According to a co-worker who is still there, Ted is now showing up at 11:30am everyday, consistently sleeping at his desk, and still changes in that spare office even though another employee (a girl, no less) is now occupying it. So now, after all of this and seeing that my manager AND the director cannot be oblivious to this behavior after multiple complaints and issues, still think I was being passive aggressive?
Anonymous* June 28, 2012 at 9:49 am I still think Ted may be homeless, and that management may be aware but either don’t know what to do or are just spineless. Geez. What a situation!
Raging Dragon* August 1, 2012 at 10:32 pm Wow. Thanks for the update. I think the managers must be afraid of a lawsuit from him or something… The inaction is just unbelievable.
ethel* March 9, 2014 at 9:17 pm Ted’s a hoarder. He can’t not doing what he’s doing. He needs professional help to stop.