where are you now?

by Alison Green on November 24, 2014

Every December, I publish “where are they now” updates from people whose questions I answered here in the past year. It’s time for 2014’s version, so …

If you’ve had your question answered here in the last year, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Leave no juicy detail out! I’ll post updates as they come in. (Don’t post them here though; email them to me.)

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

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{ 170 comments }

{ 170 comments… read them below }

  1. Holly*

    The one who’s manager came to their house and beat on the windows – that one was baffling and I totally want to know what’s gone on since then.

    3. A Teacher*

      My students had to do a presentation using one of the posts from here this morning and one of the groups picked this story. They asked if there’d been an update.

      2. Jillociraptor*

        I would love to hear an update about THIS! :) What do you teach? How do you use this blog in your classes?

        1. A Teacher*

          Health careers courses and a sociology course. Several health careers courses are dual credit.

          Sometimes I have them read articles and answer questions, today they had to look up an article and make a prézi that explained implications if advice wasn’t followed or no change occurred.

    2. Chinook*

      Wine is permitted as long as we can also bring beer or a festive Bailey’s and coffee (which seems so much more professional for working hours). BTW, did you know their latest flavour is chocolate and cherry? Yumm

        1. Mallory*

          Oh reallllllly……… there’s an excellent liquor store a block from my office.
          I wonder if he delivers?

      2. AMT*

        On a trip to San Juan, my wife found the world’s best Bailey’s alternative: Coquito. Bottled versions are hard to find, especially the chocolate variety we bought, but it’s really the world’s best drink if you’re in the mood for something way too sweet. It’s almost like an unspicy coconut eggnog.

        1. Ada Lovelace*

          Coquito is amazing. My best friend’s mom used to bring some back from Puerto Rico and only allowed us a sip after she confirmed with our parents. My bf’s father makes punch creme with Sunset and condensed milk. All you really need is a quarter of a glass, so rich and creamy and any more will knock you out hard. A lesson I learned the hard way the first time.

    4. Mimmy*

      Well, I was gonna call dibs on the chocolate covered cookie dough balls, but if wine’s allowed I think I’ll have that instead :)

      1. junipergreen*

        Pastry OR booze? Don’t make me choose! I’ll bring the rum balls :)

        This is my favorite time of year for AAM – I LOVE these update posts!!!

    5. Mister Pickle*

      Personally, I don’t drink. I’m high on life.

      (and Junior Mints I swiped from Adonday. Mums da woid!)

    6. Jean*

      I loooove this online snacking! All of the pleasure and none of the consequences! (Currently reigniting my ongoing, private, personal Battle of the Bulge. Sigh. There’s a reason my stage of life gets called _middle_ age.)
      So, anyway, I’m going to curl up with a small bowl of yogurt malted milk balls.

  4. Felicia*

    I want to hear from the person who had that insane interview with Operation smile, with the cooking for all those people at some guys house and ugh the performances. Just because I hope that OP now works somewhere non crazy :)

    1. Jill-be-Nimble*

      They did update! And I believe they are somewhere non-crazy. I just can’t remember the link.

    3. Sherm*

      Despite the OP update, I’d still like to hear from anyone in the Operation Smile camp or otherwise in the know. With the holidays approaching, are they planning another party catered by the applicants?

  5. Ali*

    The person whose coworker went through the trash can! And the lady who was having trouble with her coworker who kept bringing junk food to the office where everyone was trying to eat healthy.

    1. Ali*

      And also, the person who wanted their employees to go for out of town training but the employees said it would interfere with their social lives.

    4. badger_doc*

      The OP did update a little in the comment section: Find “My Question”–there are about 7 comments from him. Kind of off-the-wall responses though…

        1. De Minimis*

          My wife and I had a long discussion about that one….our opinions differed about whether it should be reported or not.

  10. Sandrine (France)*

    I can’t wait and hope you get many, many, many responses.

    I just want to hear from people who seemed the more desperate/in a bad situation. I want to know they’re okay/safe/in a better place now.

    1. louise*

      I agree! The wild stories are fun to hear updates on, but the desperate stories really pull at my heartstrings and I’ll sleep better if we find out all is well.

    2. Jean*

      Yes. +1 and thank you for reining in my sit-with-the-munchies-while-gossipping-about-other-people-being-crazy urges. (I of course am 110% perfect rationality and sanity 24/7/365. Ha.)

    1. tesyaa*

      Yup! Did they go to the wedding, or not? Wait, that’s a different post but I’d still like to hear the response.

  12. LizNYC*

    Did we ever hear from the person whose coworker threatened to hex them all? Because I really loved that letter.

    1. Anon Accountant*

      That’s 1 of my all time favorites. “Black magic is an occupational hazard”.

      I’d love an update on this one.

  13. Helka*

    I’d like to hear an update from the one who thought their employee might be lying about having damaged a company truck.

  14. alma*

    I’ve been wondering about the LW who was tailgated, and then yelled at in the parking lot, by her road-ragey coworker.

      1. De Minimis*

        Me too! Although I’d guess and hope most likely the update was “Nothing else like that happened again and I’ve neither seen nor heard from the guy since.”

    1. Jazzy Red*

      Oh, yes. I know it’s a real thing and difficult for the person, but Wicked Jazzy Red laughed her head off (which is now a balloon, floating around somewhere).

  18. A Jane*

    I’d like to hear back from the Nerf Battle and the one whose boss told them they couldn’t floss at work

    3. Cristina in England*

      Yes me too! And if the LW did erect walls made of cardboard boxes, please ask her to include photos. :-)

  19. AndersonDarling*

    The “Hunger Games” vacation battle employee. She updated to say the situation was handled by their medical director, but I wonder if the manager still has a job.

      2. AMG*

        Yes, this is a good update but I am also curious about this from a relationship perspective. Does the manager still work there? Has there been retaliation as a result of the OP and her peers going around the boss? Another update to address the residual issues would also be cool.

  20. Mimmy*

    Darn it, I know there was some interesting stories, but I can’t think of ones I want to hear an update on! I’m sure seeing suggestions and/or the actual updates will refresh my memory though. Looking forward to them all!

  21. Anonsie*

    Off the top of my head, I always wondered about the Halloween situation from the letter writer who said people kept doing racist costumes all the way up to someone showing up in blackface the year before. They were wondering if there was a way to say anything about it, and I really wanna know if they did and what the result was.

    That said, it seems like all the really outlandish ones always have the followup of “I decided to let it go and I just got a new job instead of stay in that environment.” Which is good, really, but then I’m still wondering what would have happened if they had said something.

      1. Anonsie*

        Oh man, I think I read that update at the time and then totally forgot about it. At least it’s a good update.

  22. Just tea for me, thanks*

    I would like to hear an update of the person who’s boss wanted her to marry a stranger for a work permit/green card. Still baffled by it.

  23. De Minimis*

    The workplace being kept kosher for Passover was another one, although I should go look, that might have been one where the update was in the original comment thread.

    1. Anonsie*

      Oh yeaaah I forgot about that one! I would definitely like to hear how that went… Though I must have missed the in-comments update because I don’t think I remember that.

      1. De Minimis*

        It might not have been an update…I think the OP did pop in to clarify and give further details.

  24. JB*

    Y’all, I am thankful for this post because your comments are reminding me of all the good stuff I read on this blog over the past year.

  25. Anon.*

    Our dear AAM answered my post (linked to my handle).

    Not the juiciest post of the year, but a weird outcome. For better or worse, I wound up calling the contract firm where he works and where I have a contact to say something (figuring they could coach him, since they have a vested interest in him, and they wouldn’t proceed with any disciplinary action). The Touchee didn’t want any conflict and called the my contact at the contract firm, even though my contact understood that I was trying to help out the situation, though in hindsight I should have just let things be, I suppose. Well, Touchee winds up getting fired 2 months later for performance. (This was after her trying to get me and Chumley to help her out on a project–her typical thing–though we were told not to. But Chumley took some initial work I had done, stated it wasn’t working and, totally turned it around to try to make it look like it was my fault while buying Touchee some time, but the end result was a disaster (as we all kind of expected it would be, since this person did absolutely no work on it until the last minute, and by then it was a mess). This resulted in me having to pick up the pieces and quickly make things better. Luckily, others knew exactly what was going on, and no one was being fooled. So, Chumley decides to apply for Touchee’s old position, then reneges part way through the interview process, since I suppose things were not going to be on his terms–or so he says. (Although he has been contracting here nearly 2 years and should, by now, know the players, work culture, etc.) But, he’s still able to pull through and look good, I think. I’ll be bold by saying, I think guys have an edge when it comes to not-so-tactful behavior.

  26. Dani X*

    The person who “played a prank” on his coworker by locking him on the balcony before an event with customers, didn’t know how he got back into the room and was surprised that his coworker threatened him.

    1. Mister Pickle*

      This was before I started reading AAM – I just read it and yes, I’m very curious about how this one turned out.

      Not to pick nits, but the original article says the person was charged with “making and distributing”, not “possessing”. Which is a big part of why I’m curious, because – there’s gotta be a story behind why they got hit with that specific charge. Depending on the wording of the statute, that could cover a really wide range of things from “head of a criminal child pornography syndicate” to “accidentally sending a cute pic of the kids taking a bath to someone who isn’t grandma”. I don’t know.

    2. Clerica*

      Oh, shoot, that’s the one I was trying to find during that recent post about the neo-Nazi. A few commenters were like zomg people, you’re giving a Nazi the benefit of the doubt?! and I was thinking, um, a whole bunch of people wanted to give a child pornographer the benefit of the doubt because But Professionalism and Until Proven Guilty etc. Meh, just as well that I didn’t find it. Contrarians by definition aren’t big on seeing patterns.

      1. JB*

        Not to start up that debate again, but people wanted to give an *alleged* child pornographer the benefit of the doubt in a workplace that doesn’t involve children. There have been enough innocent people convicted in this country that giving someone who has actually been convicted is sometimes called for, so giving the benefit to someone who hasn’t been convicted isn’t crazy.

  29. Wannaknow*

    What about the one where the pregnant woman was first asked to go to a retreat in the woods at a resort – and was then excluded from the retreat when she raised the concern?

    3. Mister Pickle*

      Me three! I missed it when it happened, just read it now. I’ve known people like “Steve”.

      1. De Minimis*

        That was one that I had unfortunately skimmed over and didn’t see how crazy it was! Hope there’s an update.

    5. Curious*

      I’d love to know what happened with this one as well, especially since I’m newly coordinating volunteers ( although, things are pretty functional, a few issues, but no Steves).

  35. EvilQueenRegina*

    The manager who wanted to approve their employees’ underwear? The guy who made his caller ID display as OP’s mother so she’d take his call?

    1. Felicia*

      seconding the approving of the employees underwear one that’s another one where I hope they got out of there

        1. De Minimis*

          I always wondered if that was the same guy who had the offensive sticker on his truck, but that was from even longer ago…

          There was also the guy who wanted to keep being sarcastic in the office even when his boss had told him to stop. All of these were from years past, I think.

          1. De Minimis*

            I decided to check about the sarcasm one….turned out the OP checked in later in the thread and gave more info [a lot of the behavior was a reaction to some really poor treatment by the manager], and decided that yes, it would be best to dial it down.

            I need to start checking back on some of these a while later…I totally missed the replies from the OP on the Nazi thread earlier this week.

  38. Sherm*

    How about the one where the normal-sized management consultant in Pennsylvania was pressured to look “thin and edgy”?

  39. Waiting Patiently*

    Ooh, I want to hear an update about the poster who accepted her boss’ friend request on facebook and didn’t quite understand fb group settings and added her boss to a group of ‘people I don’t really like’ or something like that. I was mortified for her.

  42. Armchair Analyst*

    I’d like to hear about some of the job searchers who wanted a LOT of accomodations – like no-scent workplaces, or work from home 15 minutes a day (OK that is exaggerated) – did they find an ideal job, a compromise job, or a stepping-stone job, or how are they dealing with their limitations after gettting your advice?

  43. Nervous Accountant*

    I’m really interested in hearing about the one who’s coworker went through everyone’s mail, opene dup their paystubs and announced how much everyone made. For some reason that stuck out to me.

  44. Vet Tech Gal*

    It’s from a few years ago now (2012?) but the trio of “your workplace sucks and isn’t going to change” post really stuck with me–I would love to know, did they take your advice, or did they stick it out (and what was the outcome?)

  49. Jean*

    Skipped to the end to post this comment (b/c need to leave home in next 10 minutes), so apologies if I’m repeating something:
    I’d like to know if any coworkers are still washing all or part of themselves in the bathroom sink. In a perfect world, all workplaces would accommodate people whose religious or sports/health/transit (bike to work) commitments necessitate washing more than their hands during the day.

  51. Reader*

    I wrote in awhile ago I need to send in my update. I keep forgetting. My update isn’t that interesting but it could be helpful :)

  52. Vera*

    I would like to hear an update from the person who was interviewing engineering students for co-ops (or maybe FT) positions and wasn’t sure of the right questions to ask. OP wanted to ask technical questions but the engineering team thought it was silly. Would love to know what they ended up asking in the interview, and how the answers from the candidates they chose translated in the workplace.

  53. Adam V*

    Here’s another one I’d like to hear from, the woman last December who gave us this line:

    “Unfortunately I have about an hour a day less than male coworker A and male coworker B because I have to get ready and make sure I’m presentable in this professional environment. This probably applies to any female — she will take more time to get ready.” (#4 in the link)

    https://www.askamanager.org/2013/12/i-think-i-witnessed-a-drug-deal-at-work-job-offers-with-no-mention-of-salary-and-more.html

  54. Say What?*

    I’d like to hear an update on the boss who was traveling to work on the same train as the OP and then disappearing for hours before turning up at work and asking OP to lie about having seen him. I really want to know what he was up to in those missing hours!

  61. Adam V*

    Alison, this is odd, but the link to this page on the right side seems to be pointing to the HTTPS version, where all the other links I saw are HTTP. Unfortunately, the HTTPS version shows a certificate error when I first visit it (I got past it, but Chrome still complains about the certificate in the address bar).

      1. Adam V*

        It’s working for me now! (Oddly, though, all the other links show as just “askamanager.org”, and that one shows as “www.askamanager.org”. Still, it works – and the links that are just “askamanager.org” get redirected to “www.askamanager.org” when I click on them anyway!)

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