update: my manager doesn’t want me to meet with clients unless I lose weight

by Alison Green on December 9, 2014

Remember the letter-writer who was told that she shouldn’t meet with clients unless she lost weight? Here’s the update.

In October, I resigned from my position at the consulting firm. The original conversation – where I was told that the brand is “thin and edgy” was incredibly difficult and I made it very clear to the senior leadership that I was unhappy. I tried speaking to other members of management and they all supported the original statements. I was asked by one director if I was a size 14. I told her I was a 10 and she responded by suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am. In a conversation with another director, I was told repeatedly, “You know you’re the brand, right? You know you’re not thin, right? If you’re honest with me, I bet you’ll say that you’re not really happy with your body.” She tried to convince me that I was digging my heels in for a value and that I was holding myself back as a result.

They stand by the belief that if I work hard to keep myself exceptionally thin, then I will be more effective when consulting with clients. I personally think that they just have a particular aesthetic preference. I have no problem with the way I look and decided that I am fundamentally not aligned with the idea that their definition of “thin” equals extraordinary. As soon as I found another position, I resigned from the company and am much happier for it.

Also, I’m just now reading many of the comments that I hadn’t read before. Just a few points of clarification from people’s questions that you can add to my response if you’d like: I’m the same size I was when I got hired. They say the same things to men. And my CEO – is a woman.

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      1. KarenT*

        It’s a consulting firm, so not Lululemon but I’d be willing to bet Lululemon and Abercrombie are clients!

    4. Bea W*

      Goodgawdyes! That is absolutely farked up. The worst part was the whole telling the OP she was basically lying about her size, in denial about how big she really is, and must not be happy with her own body. That goes way beyond having an “aesthetic preference”.

      1. Jessica (the celt)*

        This, exactly. Not that it’s any of their business what her size is, but when she tells them that she’s a 10 and they tell her she needs to be concerned about why she “appears bigger” than she is? That’s just a weird comment and doesn’t make a lot of sense. Maybe the company needs to examine if it has issues determining what a healthy weight really is. They are assuming that everyone’s size 10 looks the same as someone else’s size 10, which is ludicrous, and saying that she needs to…what? Wear skin-tight clothing or something? I’m not sure what else they assume she can do to appear thinner…

  3. Kai*

    This is just batshit crazy, and I’m so happy you got out of there! They have more than an aesthetic preference–they’re extremely prejudiced.

      1. fposte*

        Not following you. Do you mean sexism is bad for everybody? I’d agree with that. What I mean is that the company’s behavior to the OP isn’t discriminatory because they apparently put the same pressure on men. So yay, they’re not sexist. They are still jackasses.

        2. Elizabeth the Ginger*

          Well, it’s discriminatory, just not on the basis of sex or any other protected category. So it’s legal, but still IMO terrible business.

        3. Tomato Frog*

          I suspect Dan misread your comment the way I initially did: to mean “Just because they’re awful to everyone doesn’t mean we should clear them of sexism!” Your phrasing’s clear, though.

  5. hayling*

    So glad you got out of there! Sounds like a horrible environment.

    FWIW I was a 12-14 during the time I was a spokesperson for my job and had to go on tv a lot…and I kicked ass every time! It’s your attitude, not your size.

  6. The IT Manager*

    A lot of times I am disappointed with the updates when the OP leaves the crazy behind becuase he/she didn’t manage to “fix” things. In this case, though, I am not. Too much crazy – too many people spouting the rather offensive party line. Newflash: Size 10 is not actually overweight, but I guess now I know it’s not thin or edgy.

    2. HeyNonnyNonny*

      Is size 10 thin or edgy? Apparently not. Is it perfectly healthy? Yes.

      I think I’d rather have healthy.

      2. fposte*

        I’m still intrigued by the notion that “edgy” is a synonym for “thin.” Apparently you can’t be thin but not edgy.

        1. Anonsie*

          I guess they’ve never seen Nadia Aboulhosn. I sometimes fancy myself as edgy and counterculture, then I look at her blog to put myself in my place.

        2. bridget*

          yeah, edgy makes no sense in this context. I consider myself a very boring and conservative looking person who also happens to be on the thin side. I don’t see how one has much connection to the other.

        4. Dr. Doll*

          I think it’s that “thin” is a necessary but not sufficient condition for “edgy.” –Also, that company can go to hell.

      3. soitgoes*

        A size 10 would place anyone among the thinnest women in any bar on a Friday night. That’s freakin thin.

          1. My two cents...*

            i mean, either would be acceptable/fine/etc. but a uk 10 would be akin to a us 6…i think?

            1. BeenThere*

              To clarify the sizing for those overseas, I average an UK 10/8 and an Australian 10/8 basically I’m a 9 so it depends on the cut. Most of my US clothes are a 2 or a 0. My bridesmaid who was an Australian size 14 took a size 6 US dress.

              1. Jen RO*

                I’m even more confused now, the charts I find online say that US 10 = UK 12 (or 14) = EU 40 (or 42). If you buy US 0 or 2… wow, this vanity sizing thing has gone crazy! I will abstain from further comments except that around here an EU size 42 would definitely not be the thinnest person in a bar.

                1. beyonce pad thai*

                  Even a “European” size 42 is not consistent throughout Europe – just look at the difference in size between a 42 at a Northern European chain like H&M and a Southern European chain like Berschka.

                2. Raptor*

                  Sizes have slowly become bigger over the last 15 to 20 years.

                  I am actually a little larger now than I was in high school (not by much… I weigh 120 lbs.. by the end of high school I was around 100). Yet, my size has dropped from a 10 in school to a 4 now. Just a few years ago, I was a 6. I just recently tried on jeans and I am now a 4! And my weight has been constant for at least 10 years. It’s silly. I can’t buy clothing online because of this. I’m having to constantly reevaluate my size every time I want to buy anything.

                  And I’ve noticed it men’s clothing too, though its far less common. As long as you’re looking at clothing marked, L, M, S, you can hold them up to one another across different brands. Sometimes the M in one brand is the same as a L in another.

                  So ignore those charts…. they are way out of date.

          2. Elizabeth West*

            Everyone’s body is different, and clothing manufacturers vary wildly. Going by what size she is is crap, because there’s no consistency anywhere. And clothing that fits well can make you look thinner.

            I’m a bigger size in the UK than in the US and buy bigger sizes in both countries because I’m tall, not because I’m big. So if they were going by size number, then even at my absolute thinnest, I would not fit their criteria. The smallest size I’ve ever been able to wear was a US size 12, and I was REALLY thin at the time, for me. If I go below 145 lbs, that is too thin for my frame.

            Sizing is so crazy—my US jeans are 14/16 and are too big now. Being between sizes makes it even worse. The saga of trying to find jeans that fit in the UK–well, let’s just say I had to spend way more than I wanted to (but they fit!).

        2. Formerly Bee*

          US, UK, or AUS sizing? A US 10 can be a perfectly healthy, but it’s not “among the thinnest.”

        1. Formerly Bee*

          +1

          I wouldn’t be healthy at a 10. A lot of people wouldn’t be healthy at my size or any other random size.

    3. That depends...*

      Not necessarily – “size 10” doesn’t mean much of anything when you don’t consider the person’s height. A woman who is a size 10 at 5 feet tall would probably be overweight; a woman who is size 10 at 6 feet tall would probably not be overweight. That’s why BMI (which is imperfect of course but a good general rule of thumb for most people) takes into account both height and weight.

      The important point is that health concerns (including weight), while naturally important to a person’s personal life, are none of their manager’s business (unless they need some sort of disability accommodations I suppose). The OP’s former manager/coworkers are assholes, but that’s independent of whether or not they really were overweight.

      1. INTP*

        This. I was a few pounds shy of obese at a size 10. I am still overweight at a size 6. I’m short and I carry my weight pretty evenly (so I weigh more than, say, a pear-shaped woman would at my same jeans size). That doesn’t mean the OP is, of course – I know tall women who look quite thin at a 10. And it’s none of your employer’s business either way unless it’s made very clear to you from the beginning that your looks and weight are part of the gig.

    4. Jennifer*

      Eh, most of the time you can’t fix the crazy, especially if the crazy has more people or power than you do.

    5. ThursdaysGeek*

      When I think of thin and edgy, it reminds me of the Ogden Nash poem that ends with

      So I think it is very nice for ladies to be lithe and lissome.
      But not so much so that you cut yourself if you happen to embrace or kissome.

      2. A Cita*

        Hey, can we not slam thin people while supporting the OP? I see this a lot…lots of emphasis on how thin isn’t necessarily healthy, how men don’t like it, how being a size 0 or 00 is weird, etc. I’m sure there’s a way we can be supportive without bashing the other side. It’s not funny and not ok.

  7. HR Holidays*

    Wow.
    A great example of how culture can be such a determining factor in either accepting or staying with a job. It’s also a great example of how some companies can be limiting potential good hires and employees with such myopic views.

    Great to hear you got out of there and wishing best success.

    1. CinikAl*

      + 1. I wouldn’t want tips on finding my way out of a paper bag from an army of hangry, cracked out narcissists with the empathy of a block of granite and no understanding of what makes a motivated, invested, and MENTALLY healthy team member who is credible enough that clients will want to pay for them to sort out their troubles. (from a size 10, formerly a miserable consultant, now a bouncy social worker). Good for you OP, for believing you deserve better.

  8. Jeanne*

    Congrats on finding a new job! I hope it works out great for you. You are right that they obviously hold a bias toward a certain look. You probably weren’t tall enough either because that helps with appearing thin. So lose weight and grow 4 inches. Hah! Good luck at your new position.

  9. Adonday Veeah*

    Thank the stars you got out of there! There is no reasonable explanation for their having hired you and then trying to change who you are. None whatsoever. Who are these people?!

    “…suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

    Huh?!

    “I have no problem with the way I look…”

    Music to my ears. I’m sooooo glad you’re away from those wack jobs.

    “If you’re honest with me, I bet you’ll say that you’re not really happy with your body.”

    WTF?!

    1. Kai*

      Seriously, all this!

      My favorite is “they stand by the belief that if I work hard to keep myself exceptionally thin, then I will be more effective when consulting with clients.” Nooooooooo, I don’t think that’s how it works, but thanks for playing.

      1. Camellia*

        Yeah, if I worked hard to be exceptionally thin I would only be more CRANKY when consulting with clients.

        1. Nerd Girl*

          I was thinking this too. If I worked hard to be exceptionally thin I’d be hungry all of the time. Hungry Nerd Girl = Cranky Nerd Girl. Nobody wants to meet Cranky Nerd Girl.

      2. FlowerGirl*

        I did this for a while. Not at the prompting of any boss, but because I thought I’d be more successful in my industry (PR type work, but not for a PR company) if I was thinner. Instead of being more successful I spent every waking minute at the gym. I was exhausted, and I was burned out in a year. I moved on from that, am not nearly as thin as I was, am more successful than ever, and exercise for enjoyment (and health). Healthy and happy > thin and miserable

    2. NewishAnon*

      “…suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

      They think OP is bigger than she is because this company has lost all perspective on what real people look like and they have absolutely no understanding of what weight really looks like. They probably think everyone looks bigger than they actually are.

      1. Jaimie*

        This part actually rendered me speechless. Which, if you knew me, you would realize how seldom I am completely at a loss for words.

      3. Agile Phalanges*

        Totally!!

        Though I can relate to how your actual weight can vary from how people perceive you. I’m a 6’0″ woman, and weigh a lot more than I should. If someone had to guess, though, they’d probably underestimate the number of pounds I weigh, my waist circumference, or my dress size, because it’s all relative. My personal number for each of those is higher than what an average-height woman with the same proportions would be, and people often fail to take that into consideration.

        All that said, I’m pretty sure NewishAnon has the right reason that “people” (apparently just the boss) are perceiving the OP as bigger than she actually is–they have a skewed sense of what size a person “should” be.

        1. QualityControlFreak*

          Yup. Works the same with height. I’m about 5’5″ but evidently I appear about 5 inches taller. And I don’t wear heels. It’s perception.

      4. Jessica (the celt)*

        Exactly! You said exactly what I was trying to say above, but much more succinctly. :)

    3. bridget*

      Who ARE these people, anyway? I am sure that a lot of people in this world (most?) have biases based on appearance to one degree or another, including about size, because people are people and people are judgmental. But I thought pretty much everybody in this world knew that it’s not acceptable to express them THAT bluntly. Although I suppose it’s a lot easier for people like the OP to spot when they are wearing their obnoxiousness on their sleeve.

      1. RVA Cat*

        I seriously wonder if some of these people have eating disorders and this corporate culture is enabling them – sort of like how everybody on Mad Men is an alcoholic. You’d think that kind of crazy was a thing of the past, but no….

  10. Stephanie*

    F them. Seriously. I’m glad you got out there. I wish you a short job search with an offer at a sane company that doesn’t care if you’re in a double-digit pants size.

    Also, consistency in women’s sizing is a joke. I’m sure every woman on here can attest to having 3 or 4 different sizes of clothing in her closet.

    2. Anonicorn*

      Also, consistency in women’s sizing is a joke. I’m sure every woman on here can attest to having 3 or 4 different sizes of clothing in her closet.

      I know that’s right. It doesn’t help that sizing is different in other countries too.

    3. Rita*

      Agreed, it is an absolute joke. Nothing like having to try on three sizes of pants each time, because who knows what is going to fit from that brand. And not just from brand to brand, but even within brands!

      1. Anon for this*

        Yeah, I have 2 pairs of slacks that are the same style/cut, just one is black and one is grey. They are different sizes, yet fit almost identically. That’s the weirdest example I have because they are actually the same cut/style/brand — the same exact pants except for color!

        1. Not So NewReader*

          They must be pushing their production lines. Size x pants fell into size y pile and got the size y label sewn into the seam. No one checked to see if it was right and it got by QC also.

          Sewing factories, even in the US can be a nightmare to work for. Having garments flying all over the place is the norm is a minor problem compared to other things that happen. It surprises me that we see as few errors as we do.

          1. Ted Mosby*

            This happens a lot just due to differences in fabric. The grey material might have a little bit more give or shrink more in the wash.

    4. RishaBree*

      I try to buy based on measurements instead of sizing for that very reason, and there are certain brands I won’t buy without trying on regardless of what their size charts say. I’m generally around a 24/26, but I have everything from a 20 to a 28/30 in my closet, all of which fits properly.

      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        Slightly off topic, but when I was a student, I worked in a clothing factory and there was sometimes very little difference between sizes. Nowadays, I never go shopping without a tape measure!

  11. TK*

    I had forgotten about this letter. Just…. wow. It’s mind-boggling to me that a place stays in business acting like this. So glad the OP was able get away from it!

      1. kozinskey*

        But not crazy leather pants with cutout backs and studded seams. (Are studs still edgy? I’m not very edgy (probably because I’m a size 12)).

        1. JayDee*

          To be fair, it takes a while for the edgy styles to make it into “plus” sizes. By then, they usually aren’t edgy anymore. Also they often don’t translate up well. Just adding more fabric doesn’t necessarily make a style that’s flattering on a size 4 (is that thin/edgy enough?) flattering on a size 14 or size 24.

          1. Lanya*

            This! Trendy clothing is not necessarily super-flattering for plus-size men and women, even if a designer has kindly extended their line up to the plus-size range.

  13. LizNYC*

    “If you’re honest with me, I bet you’ll say that you’re not really happy with your body.”

    No, I bet if you’re honest with me, you have body image problems yourself.

    SO GLAD you got out of there, OP! I hope your new environment is focused more on your work product and less on what size you wear. Since, you know, there is NO correlation between the two.

    2. Lizzy*

      That seemed like projection to me. Some people strive so hard to be a certain image because of personal insecurities, they resent those who are a.) don’t feel the need to buy into that image and/or b.) are happy with themselves. I would bet money on it that upper management (or anyone who buys into that myopic body image) takes drastic measures to keep themselves “thin and edgy.” They put so much effort into it, they want validation for it. And if it is not “thin and edgy”, it would be be something else. Glad the OP got out of there.

    3. Confused*

      This was the line that really got to me too. Trying to turn it all around on the OP and make it her issue when it’s really the CEO. Gross.

    2. Mister Pickle*

      Hey, that’s a little rough on a word that has 800+ years of colorful history behind it!

      Oh – oops, maybe you meant “crone”.

      I know nothing about “size 10” and just spent a few fun minutes doing Google image search on terms like “womens size 10” and “womens size 14”. You’re probably getting tired of hearing it, OP, but ya done good getting the hell outta there. Your former colleagues are the reason Mickey Mouse divorced Minnie Mouse.

        1. Adonday Veeah*

          Me too. I reserve it for very special cases — ya gotta earn it from me, but it fits here.

    4. Jessica (the celt)*

      How quaint! (No, seriously: they come from the same root, or so sayeth my medieval British literature prof…huh, Wikipedia agrees with him, too!)

  15. Katie the Fed*

    Holy schnikees, where do I even start with this. These are terrible, terrible human beings. All of them. They’re just awful people and I wish for terrible things for them. They seem unhealthfully obsessed with something that’s none of their business. They know nothing about you or your health, and the fact that they keep bringing this up tells me they all have some serious issues.

    “I told her I was a 10 and she responded by suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

    No seriously, who does that?

    Good for you for getting out of there. I can’t believe you lasted as long as you did. Because they’re TERRIBLE people.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      Also, you’re probably not a vindictive person but this is a place I’d love someone to out publicly. Because they’re terrible, terrible people.

      3. KimmieSue*

        OP – Congratulations for getting out of there! I’m as disgusted the second time around as I was the first time. While I really want to know the name of your former employer, I also respect your professionalism. Obviously, they have lost a moral employee.

    3. HeyNonnyNonny*

      The only way I can think of that a person would “occur to people as bigger than I am” is if one was wearing, say, 5 pairs of sweatpants layered over each other. Or an inflatable lifejacket. Seriously, how would you even begin to control the wack-a-doo perceptions of these people?

      1. Katie the Fed*

        Maybe if you’re really short. But seriously – other people’s perceptions aren’t my problem. Also, STFU crazypants people!

      2. Jen RO*

        Well, clothing does influence perception a lot. A good cut can and will make you look thinner. But why on Earth would a manager care?!

    4. Karowen*

      Terrible, terrible human beings just about sums it up. Good for you, OP – it’s a shame that you even had to deal with this in the first place.

    5. Clever Name*

      I would want to say something like, “I suggest you spend time thinking about why you are such an asshole”

  16. Adam*

    Amazing. Apparently the people in charge of that pressure cooker never learned that when it comes to weight loss those types of comments and edicts never work out in a good way. Ever. If they found your appearance to be such an issue why did they bring you on in the first place? What a bunch of tools.

    OP, I’m glad you kept your wits about you and got out of there when you could. No one deserves that kind of nonsense. Good luck in your new position.

  18. Knitting Cat Lady*

    WTF?!

    I just looked at a conversion chart to see what size 10 US is in Europe (40, btw).

    This is more or less the most common clothing size for adult women in Germany!

    What the hell is wrong with your former employer?

    And why the hell wouldn’t you be happy with a body of average size?!

    The mind, it boggles.

      1. Knitting Cat Lady*

        Really?

        The table I got it from (Lands’ End) said dress size. According to them, shoe 40 is US9 for women.

        Also, complete derail, why do you have different size scale for shoes for men and women anyway?

        1. Some*

          I got the conversion from Asos but it really depends on the manufacturer. I’m 36 European but in US i’m 2 or 4 depending on the label :) I also can’t really fit in 36 for Stella McCartney.. so you never know :)

          For shoes, not sure but UK also have the same issue so I would assume that took the shoes thing from there :)

        2. AW*

          It’s a tactic to get women to buy more clothing. If all the stores and brands have different sizing scales (which they also change periodically) then you have to go into the store to try clothing on to see if it fits. Studies show that the longer you’re in a store, the more likely you are to buy something. Studies also show that you’re more likely to buy something if you touch it, and the longer something is in your possession, the more if feels like it’s yours.

          The official excuse for it is some sexist nonsense about women not wanting to see what their actual size is.

          The official excuse for not pulling the same thing on men is some sexist nonsense about how men don’t care enough about fashion and wouldn’t stand for it.

          1. Some*

            Huh? I think she was talking about shoe sizes. In Europe size 40 shoes are the same size for men and women. In USA, size 10 men’s shoes are actually corresponding to size 12 for women. I don’t really see how this have anything to do with real size and spending time in the store :)

          2. Anonsie*

            I have read that the real ticket here is that they want to breed brand loyalty. If you find the brands whose size whatever consistently fits you because their size whatever is actually the best fit for your measurements, you’ll keep shopping there. They all vary so they’ll all be the “sweet spot” size for a certain chunk of people, and they’re ok with their stuff not fitting anyone else.

            1. Nerd Girl*

              Wow! Which ever way you slice it, clothing manufacturers and retailers are really screwing with women’s heads. The varying clothing sizes is the reason I hate shopping for clothes and the reason I am currently wearing a sweater that I bought 12 years ago instead of the cute one I saw in the store this weekend. I can’t be bothered to try things on knowing that what I have at home fits comfortably and what’s in the store runs the risk of making me feel like a whale because some designer decided to shave 1/4 inch of fabric from the inseam on my size pants which makes them tighter and makes me have to move up a size. Moving up a size is the dreaded fear of shopping for me (and others I assume) and so I wear what fits even if it’s not as current as I’d like it to be.

              1. Traveler*

                My other frustration is when you do move up a size, because the original was too tight, the next size up you are swimming in it.

              2. Anonsie*

                I don’t mind moving up a size as long as the next size up fits, problem being that it seems like it’s either a sausage casing or a tent.

            2. cuppa*

              And it doesn’t even always work that way. From the same label, I have 8’s that are too big, too small, and just right.

            3. Elizabeth West*

              If it fits, I buy it. I don’t give a fig for brands. Though I love you, Long Tall Sally. I love you so much–because jeans and leggings that are not too short make me happy. Customer for life. :D :D :D

              1. Anonsie*

                Well that’s the ticket– if you know things usually fit at, say, Banana Republic, but they rarely fit at Ann Taylor or J Crew, if you need clothes you’re gonna be more like to go to BR first and probably buy what you need there.

  19. long time reader first time poster*

    If I were the OP, I would have contacted all of my 1×1 clients to let them know I was leaving, and I would have told them why — in no uncertain terms.

  20. Steve G*

    OMG I almost just spit out my coffee when I read this line: “I told her I was a 10 and she responded by suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

    It would piss me off too. I used to be rail thing, people used to take me out to dinner and pay and bring me food because they thought I wasn’t eating…..now I have a 36 inch waste even though I exercise a lot and don’t eat that much. Of course, my recently diagnosed thyroid problems never helped.

    So even though I want to lose a few pounds I feel like I can’t, even though I keep trying….so if I worked for your ex boss, all I could do is say “sorry, I’m trying and it ain’t working.”

    1. Adonday Veeah*

      The Evil HR person in me wants you to say, “I have a medical condition and I am requesting an accommodation.” Watch them try to say that having you see clients is a hardship.

      I hate these people!

    2. Saro*

      Just wanted to let you know that I finally have my thyroid issues under control (after several years). The weight finally came off these last few months. A bit of unsolicited advice, go to an endocrinologist if you can, I did not get appropriate treatment from my GP. Good luck to you.

  21. TheExchequer*

    Sometimes, there really aren’t any words. In this case, there is exactly one word: Whackadoodle. Good for you for getting out! I’d love to hear it if you would give out their names.

  22. Liz*

    Wow. Congratulations on leaving those terrible people behind. You know what would ACTUALLY be edgy and fresh for a company focused on health and well-being? How about one that believed you can be healthy at many sizes, and that being thin doesn’t mean being healthy??

  23. Sandrine (France)*

    Heeeeh!

    I’m probably a size… what, 24 maybe ? I probably never would have been hired by them, let alone called in for an interview. But I’m happy you’re out, OP.

    I hate fat-shaming. And YOU, OP, are wonderful.

  25. HR Manager*

    What is flipping wrong with that company?! I’d be doing back-flips for leaving that turd of an organization.

    1. HR Manager*

      Gotta’ turn to an old classic for this. Your old company reminded me of the real-life version of this consulting firm: hxxp://www.huhcorp.com/

      [Note: not intended as a knock on management consultants by me, but the focus on this ridiculous image]

  27. ryn*

    “I told her I was a 10 and she responded by suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

    “Why yes, my aura is rather fat today. I’ll put it on a diet and sign it up for a spinning class.” Like, seriously, who is this petty?? This just makes my skin crawl. Glad you got away from this. So beyond toxic.

    1. fposte*

      I’d say the answer is “Why, thank you. I think it’s because I am awesomely authoritative and totally kick ass.” The notion that seeming smaller is a good thing deserves immediate impalement.

    2. Not So NewReader*

      I will put to one side the odd wording of this statement and cut to the chase.

      My answer would be “I occur to other people to be bigger than I am because they have issues they need to think through or perhaps get help with if they are unable to resolve it on their own.”

      This CEO could lose all the weight in the world and she would still be a rude and unlikable person.

  28. AW*

    “I told her I was a 10 and she responded by suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

    Translated: “My perception of you is wildly inaccurate but I’m going to make you responsible for my bad behavior!”

    This is about control. They want to convince their employees that they need to meet an unattainable standard because that way the employee never feels like they’re good enough. If they’re always failing in some way then it’s that much more difficult to ask for raises or promotions. They’re always in the position of having to “prove” they’re good at their job. If the employee believes that their weight is tied to their performance long enough they could even be convinced that they can’t find another job; that they aren’t good enough to get hired anywhere else or that other companies will have the same weight bias this place has.

    Basically, management is negging all of their employees.

    OP, consider yourself high-fived.

    1. Anonymous for this*

      Oh my God, this is my workplace. Not with the weight issues, but with all kinds of other performance issues– yes, it’s negging. No wonder I’m so demoralized and tired all the time.

    2. Natalie*

      This reminds me of dudes I ran across while dating that had weight limits, essentially, for their prospective dates. They didn’t really have an accurate concept of what an adult woman should way, particularly if she was tall, so I doubt many people met their “standards”. But they did an excellent job of communicating their ignorance and terrible personalities to the rest of us.

      1. Not So NewReader*

        This cracks me up. A nurse was absolutely convinced I was wildly under weight. I got on the scale. It took her FOREVER to move that little slider thing up to 155, but she finally got there. She kept tapping it a long down around 120. I think it took the rest of the day for her to recuperate from the shock. Even if you used BMI as a gauge I was right in the middle of the good range. I was wearing a size 8.

        You just cannot look at a woman and know how much she weighs.

      2. Kelly L.*

        Yes! There’s a subset of men who think that if they see a woman and she looks “thin” to them, she weighs exactly 120. I have no idea how this number got so ingrained.

        I also play RPGs, and once in a while I’d run across a character chart that had guidelines for character size. There’d always be some example female character who was 5’8″, muscular, had F-cups and powerful thighs, plus 10 pounds in hair alone…and her weight would be given as 120. Nope, probably not. Even with an impossible Disney princess waist.

    3. Serin*

      This is about control. They want to convince their employees that they need to meet an unattainable standard because that way the employee never feels like they’re good enough. If they’re always failing in some way then it’s that much more difficult to ask for raises or promotions. They’re always in the position of having to “prove” they’re good at their job. … Basically, management is negging all of their employees.

      This is brilliant. It doesn’t really matter if it’s how much you weigh, how white your teeth are, how “assertive” or “aggressive” or “cutting-edge” you are or are not. If they can set you a goal that can’t be precisely defined, then you can be motivated to try forever without ever having a chance of succeeding.

      (Notice, here, that it doesn’t matter how thin you are — weighing less might or might not be any of your employer’s business, but it can be measured. You’re being told that what matters is how thin you seem.)

      1. OP*

        Serin – you are absolutely right. This was absolutely the reason for many of the things they did. They always wanted to be having you cause “breakthroughs” with yourself. It would have been never-ending if I had stayed.

  29. EmR*

    Considering only a small percentage of Americans are “thin and edgy,” I hope this company runs itself into the ground because they are losing out on the most qualified people. Good for you for leaving, OP.

  30. NewishAnon*

    I question the fundamental knowledge of anyone who has a focus on “health, well-being, and weight” who doesn’t recognize size 10 as a healthy weight and who doesn’t understand that there isn’t a direct correlation between size and health. There are plenty of “thin and edgy” people who are seriously unhealthy and plenty of average weight, and even slightly above weight, people who are extraordinarily healthy. If this is a representation of their brand, I question their brand and product/service expertise.

    1. Katie the Fed*

      Word. The original post had a fair bit of finger-wagging and fat-shaming in the comments, sadly.

      1. MJH*

        Yeah, I don’t know exactly where to post it, but I feel like someone needs to say it doesn’t matter how fat you are, it’s not okay for your employer to shame you. Even if this poster wasn’t a “healthy size 10” or whatever. Fat people know they are fat. You don’t need to tell them or hint at it or have work weight-loss contests. Can they do their job? Then all is well.

        1. NewishAnon*

          Yeah, I completely agree with you. I was just making a different point. I’ve struggled with weight my whole life and this really upset me. But I also think part of the problem is that there is a perception that overweight equals unhealthy, lazy, somehow lacking as a person, etc. Being unaware of what people actually weigh and that it has no actual bearing on health is part of that problem.

      2. Kelly L.*

        I think it was mostly a small handful of people who had their pet button pushed and started foaming at the mouth. But it was gross.

  32. Lamington*

    as a person who has struggled all her life with weight, this is appalling. glad OP found a new job.

  33. NP*

    Good riddance.

    Alison, have you considered adding a “this post has been updated” type of link to the bottom of posts where the OP later provides an update? Just food for thought!

    1. GigglyPuff*

      Generally, the updates will show up under the “You May Also Like” section at the bottom of the post…but I really want label if the OP contributes to the comments, sometimes those really get lost.

      1. NP*

        It isn’t for this one. I haven’t gone back to the other original posts from this week, though, so maybe Alison typically does do that and just forgot for this one.

    2. Exactly!*

      This smacks of corporate initiative which is body dysmorphic. Like the sort of thing mothers project onto daughters, but now it’s somehow worked its way into corporate culture. F-ed up. Get some therapy into that workplace, stat!

  35. Riri*

    Good for you for getting out of there. Those people you were working with are foaming-at-the-mouth crazy and toxic.

  36. Jessilein*

    “If you’re honest with me, I bet you’ll say that you’re not really happy with your body.”

    If anyone started talking about my body at work, I would be seriously appalled. WTF? I’m at work, not the gym! You’re my boss, not my therapist or my personal trainer!

    2. Not So NewReader*

      “I am fine. It is YOU who has a problem with MY body weight! And one has to wonder why the bizarre focus.”

  37. Andy*

    those people were terrible. Someday they’re going to get someone who super ‘edgy’ and that person is going to ‘edge’ them right into an audit.

  38. Sherm*

    I definitely wanted to hear an update on this one. OP, even before I got to the part where you mentioned you found a new job, I was glad you were out of there.

    I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if some of the employees have developed eating disorders. I also wouldn’t be surprised if some of those who best fit the company’s ideal are sleeping with higher-ups.

  39. De Minimis*

    So glad the OP left for a better position….but that place was at a level of crazy where it might have been worth quitting even without a job.

  40. KJR*

    OP, I am thrilled to read you have removed yourself from this toxic situation. When I read your first letter, I was dearly hoping you were not going to try and lose that weight. Things can quickly move into eating disorder territory in such situations, so I am so relieved and happy that you chose NOT to go that route. You sound like a well-adjusted woman with a healthy body image. Well handled!!

  41. MaryMary*

    OP, I understand if you don’t want to name names with regards to your former employer, but I’d love more details on their thought process. I want to know the method to their madness. What “edgy” characteristics (besides being skinny) are part of their brand? Does anyone have visible piercings, rainbow colored hair, or wear leather to client meetings? Is the office open concept, or voicemail-free (VM is soooo 1990s)?* Can you only communicate with clients through emojis? Maybe your deliverables and meeting materials were thin and edgy? No reports or powerpoints longer than five pages.** Perhaps only the narrowest of fonts could be used, or very small margins? No double spacing allowed.

    *I could get behind a voicemail-less office
    **Ditto on short reports and powerpoints.

    1. HeyNonnyNonny*

      But imagine how many workers you can cram into one office with super thin and edgy cubicles!

    2. Adonday Veeah*

      “OP, I understand if you don’t want to name names with regards to your former employer…”

      Don’t give OP any ideas. She’d LOVE to name names, wouldn’t you, OP? Huh, wouldn’t you?

    3. Camellia*

      Oh, PowerPoint, how do I love thee, let me count the ways? Hmph. If PowerPoint is the answer, it was a stupid question.

  42. tt*

    I have nothing but mean thoughts towards OP’s former employer, and relief that OP got herself out of there! Those people wouldn’t know healthy if it bit them in the backside.

  43. C Average*

    “I told her I was a 10 and she responded by suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

    “Oh, there’s no need for me to spend any time doing that. I already know the answer. It’s because those people are judgmental assholes who apparently have some difficulty estimating sizes when they are making unnecessary visual assessments of others. Next topic?”

    I second the name-and-shame request upthread. I want to actively avoid this business.

  44. Hlyssande*

    I still have to wonder why the hell they hired the OP when she didn’t meet their arbitrary ‘thin and edgy’ standard and then pressure her to lose weight?

    Talk about unrealistic.

    1. AndersonDarling*

      I was wondering this too. The only conclusion I have is that they like to hire people that they can shame. Because this company is run by sociopaths.
      I’m so glad the OP found another job! Woo hoo!

      1. Hlyssande*

        My thoughts exactly!

        We’re gonna hire someone and then hold them to standards with moving goalposts to motivate them! Because we can! :D :D :D

    2. MissDisplaced*

      I wonder about that too. They must have really wanted the OP, we assume because she is good at what she does. But why go to all this trouble when they could have just selectively opted-out during the hiring process with none being the wiser. It does certainly seem they like to have a “shaming” factor.

    3. Joey*

      The only thing that makes sense is someone who disagrees with the looks thing hired her then passed her off.

      Just an fyi even idiots don’t take the time to hire people they don’t want. I’ve had this happen to me. Not looks, but I was once given a new hire I thought talked way too formal and fake sounding and told to make it work. It was a hard to fill job, she was highly qualified, and my boss didn’t want to pass her up.

  46. E.R*

    Worst workplace of the year nomination, methinks.

    There is no relationship between the size of a person’s body and her consultant ability. I hope the clients know they are paying for “thin” and not “competent consultants”. Gah.

    What happens if one of these thin women get pregnant? Is that…allowed? Or does it not count, or…? So many questions. Glad you got out of there. Never look back.

    1. Jean*

      Maybe the pregnant people have to walk around backwards as soon as they start showing a belly? (They can carry a hand mirror to facilitate “face-to-face” conversations. Or they have to telecommute and stand behind a neck-high screen when they videochat.)

  47. Miss Chnadler Bong*

    “She responded by suggesting that I spend some time getting at the source of why I occur to people as bigger than I am.”

    I… really have no words for this. Well, I do, and they’re all cursing. I’m so glad you found a new position!

  48. Just tea for me, thanks*

    This is a wonderful update! Glad to see you are out of there and are working in a more pleasant environment. I admire the way you handled it. And yes, please do name and shame them (!)

  49. Anonsie*

    I’m gonna take a wild guess and say the “why I occur to people as bigger than I am” was an unsubtle jab that they think she’s also got too many of her own opinions. People seem to think that folks that bother them take up more physical space, and vise versa. So they’ve got this double-whammy of unreasonable junk going on here: They’re trying to force all their supposedly “larger” (I wonder what their cutoff for that is) employees to change shape because they perceive them as being less approachable, and when those people say no then they’re even more unapproachable. Then suddenly they get to pretend this is a question of compliance and beliefs instead of them being wads.

    All I want for Christmas is for people to stop moralizing body shapes, eating habits, and exercise habits… Pleeease?

    1. Sans*

      I think the “occur to people as bigger than I am” is their way of saying, you’re lying about being a 10, I bet you’re at least a 14. Because their view of overweight is so warped, they think someone who is an average healthy weight is huge, and assume they are a 14, 16, or more. (And I’m not saying 14 is huge — it isn’t — but it’s bigger than a 10.)

  51. just laura*

    I don’t want her to name and shame– it will probably get back to her old company and could really screw with her future. Don’t do it, OP!

    1. A. D. Kay*

      Unfortunately, I have to agree–the kind of people who would treat people so horribly are the same ones who would flip out and sue for defamation or launch some whisper campaign.

  52. Lee*

    Just have to chime in here — I’m perfectly healthy at a size 10. My daughter would be obese at a size 10. She’s 6 inches shorter than I am. So, don’t take dress size as a measurement of healthy or obesity.
    Also, good for OP for getting out of an abusive situation!

  53. A. D. Kay*

    So glad you got out of there! Your old consulting firm can go verb* themselves.

    *A specific verb that begins with the letter F.

        1. Geronimo*

          Well I, uh, got overeager. Oops.
          In my (rather weak) defense, I have a tendency to verb nouns often, so…

  54. JoAnna*

    Is the CEO’s name Miranda Priestly, by any chance?

    (for those who don’t get the reference, Google “The Devil Wears Prada”)

    So glad you escaped from that toxic environment, OP!

  55. MissDisplaced*

    OMG! OMG! Thank goodness you got out of that place! I can tell you this, no matter WHAT you would have done (lost 10 pounds, cut your hair, starved) it would NEVER HAVE BEEN GOOD ENOUGH or THIN or EDGY enough for them. To me, unless you happen to be a model/actress/fitness instructor-bodybuilder your size has no bearing on how well you do your job. The place sounds horrible and the people even worse.

  56. C Average*

    Can I throw in an admittedly somewhat catty observation here? (Thanks, I will.)

    There’s something a little sad about people who set out to be edgy and make it an explicit goal.

    There are people who are authentically edgy (in a good way) because their talent and outlook set them apart. They’re the people who design the things the rest of us will be early-adopting next year. They come up with the ideas that start conversations. They make the rest of us sigh and think, “It must be amazing to have that kind of mind and that kind of drive to achieve.” You KNOW they don’t wake up every morning thinking “How can I be edgy today?” They wake up every morning full of ideas and energy and drive, and through hard work and good fortune, they’re somehow in a position to do creative and exciting work.

    And then there are the wannabes.

    If you have to make “be edgy” an action item, you’re not edgy. You’re a wannabe.

    (I know quite a few of both. The authentically edgy are equal parts inspiring and exhausting to be around. The wannabes are boring, the way all fake people are boring. I’m neither. I’m OK with that.)

      2. Jessica (the celt)*

        I love Daria. I was so glad when they finally released it on DVD, because my VHS tapes from when I taped it all those years ago were wearing out.

  57. Anonymous2014*

    I feel for OP. I work in an office where I am only Caucasian and the others are all Asian. The people I work with believe everyone should be very skinny and consider any woman over 120 pounds to be fat. I am a size 12 and get comments sometimes from my boss that I should lose weight. I know my boss sees it as she wants me to be as healthy as I can be but I am as healthy as i can be right now and weight loss has been a very tough topic for me as I have some health issues that have contributed to the weight gain.
    Glad OP got out though!!!! And kudos for having the nerve to talk about this!

    1. Victoria, Please*

      Ugh, this must be so annoying, so sorry Anonymous2014.

      …There’s some recent research which shows that ethnic background and body weight interact, such that, for example, Asian (east Asian, not Indian or Russian subcontinent) people become unhealthy at a much lower BMI than other ethnic groups including Caucasian, and people of African heritage are still perfectly healthy at quite a high BMI which would be bad for other people.

      I love Miss Manners’ response to this question: “Miss Manners, is there a polite way to tell my friend that she’s gotten too fat?” Miss Manners: “Gentle Reader, is there a polite reason that you would WANT to?”

      1. Emily*

        How interesting! I had never heard about that research before, but it makes a lot of sense (and goes to show that we really shouldn’t be painting everyone with the same brush, health-wise).

    2. Cath in Canada*

      My nearest and most transit-accessible mall is in a part of town with a high percentage of southeast Asian residents, and I feel like a gigantic waddling buffalo in pretty much every store – they hardly have anything in my size, although I’m pretty average for the population as a whole.

  60. Mickie*

    Oh how happy I would be to fit into a size 10! I bet if I set foot in the door at OP’s former company they’d come at me with harpoons.

  62. Preston*

    I am 90% with the OP, however there are jobs that physical attributes matter. You won’t see flat chested women at Hooters. You don’t over weight flight attendants and firefighters. You don’t see uncordinated tight rope walkers. BUT this is consulting company? Who they consulting for Speedo? And frankly competitive women swimmers are big and tall and strong as all get out… There has to be more to this story.

    1. twig*

      Actually, you do see overweight firefighters. I’ve known a few. However, those men* were in good health and able to carry out the physical demands of their jobs regardless. If they were not, they would not be in the position.

      Don’t conflate weight with health or physical capability.

      *the female firefighters that I’ve known were usually in better shape than the guys

      1. Observer*

        And, some firefighters are NOT in good shape. And, no they can’t do their jobs. There is a reason why many departments require yearly check ups. I remember a few years ago a firefighter died of a heart attack at the scene of a fire, and it turns out that he had a heart condition that he knew about (!) and so he had managed to skip the annual physical required by the FDNY.

        But, overall, it’s true that weight is not the whole story.

    2. Observer*

      Why? The OP described the place as trying to project an image as “thin and edgy” – that has nothing to do with actual good health. It’s quite clear from this followup that some of the top leadership have real issues around weight and appearance that have nothing to do with good health.

    3. Mister Pickle*

      I don’t see how this matters. Even a company that has a legitimate business need for certain persons to be a certain size or BMI or whatever has no excuse for the kind of insulting, bullying remarks that OP reported.

    4. Joey*

      outside of jobs that involve modeling not really. And for the record you’re talking about two different things. Physical ability to do the job is far different than looks.

    5. kobayashi*

      I *have* seen overweight flight attendants. Not obese, but certainly a tiny bit chunky for sure! And I always thought highly of the airline when I did :)

    6. Sans*

      Sure, there are jobs where physical attributes matter. But then, why did they hire her in the first place? She didn’t get the job and then gain weight. They didn’t say at the interview that she needed to lose weight and be thin and edgy.

      They are loons. Obnoxious loons. It seems that’s all there is to this story.

    7. Melissa*

      Why wouldn’t you see overweight flight attendants? Aside from the fact that this isn’t true (I have definitely seen flight attendants of all shapes and sizes), there’s nothing about being a flight attendant that requires any specific type of look. The job is to serve passengers on the flight; you don’t have to be conventionally attractive to do that.

      Also, your neighborhood Hooters might actually have some flatter-chested women. The women they use as models in their ads (and the photo manipulation they use to enhance their cleavage) are not the same women who are actually going to be working in your local Hooters. I’ve been to one and they’re you’re average conventionally attractive college-aged young women.

  63. J-nonymous*

    Dear OP –

    I’m so glad you’re out of there! But one question for you — when asked if you were (about) a size 14, did you respond with that Silence of the Lambs/Jaime Gumb line: “Would you f*ck me? I’d f*ck me.” Because that’s the *only* appropriate answer to such a horrible horrible question.

    Again, so glad you’re out of there! What a terrible environment.

  64. DrAtos*

    I’m pretty sure she would have a strong case for discrimination if she had decided to take her employer to court. I’m glad she was able to find a new job quickly and move on. Also, size 10-12 is not fat. I’m so sick of body shaming and the belief that only rock hard gym bodies are attractive.

        1. kobayashi*

          Well, not just any medical condition qualifies for a disability. Under federal law, it has to substantially limit one or more major life activities (some states broaden that, like California where it only has to limit, etc.) but still, there is a bar to pass, and being a few pounds overweight (possibly–not sure what the OPs height is), probably won’t pass muster. Now if she were in SF, there actually is an ordinance, I believe, that prohibits discrimination based on body size (was passed when AIDS was a big issue and people were being “let go” for being too thin–employers thinking sudden weight loss meant AIDS and didn’t want those folks in the workplace).

  67. Long time lurker!*

    As a woman who is also a size 10 and who is in an image-conscious industry (marketing/PR): I can tell you that my size, which is perfectly healthy and normal, has never made one iota of difference (that I’ve noticed, anyway) in my very successful career trajectory.

    Also your former company is a nest of assholes and you’re well rid of them.

    1. Joey*

      Cmon. Surely you know clients and employers in your industry where looks matter. To say it’s never made a difference in your career is like saying you’ve never encountered anyone who discriminated based on sex, race, etc. Either you’re incredibly lucky or you’re choosing to turn a blind eye to it( which is fine).

      1. Katrina Bass*

        What a strange thing to say. I totally believe that being a size 10 has never affected her career. I mean, being a size 0, 2, 4 or now a 6 post-baby never had any implications for my career in personal finance. How odd.

        1. Joey*

          Why is it strange? It’s super common in image conscious fields for things like weight to matter. I know a lot of folks in all sorts of image conscious fields and they all know where it matters and where it doesn’t. So at the very least they know which companies wont always hire the best qualified candidate. That I would argue is hugely career limiting.

          1. Sans*

            But a size 10 is a perfectly average weight. There’s no reason to think it would affect her career. Looks matter — but that could mean, don’t dye your hair purple, pierce too many odd places on your face, wear unprofessional clothing, etc.

  68. AUB*

    I hope that your new position brings you healing from this hurtful experience. There are many underlying reasons why we each weigh what we do…hormones, thyroid, genetic disposition, metabolism…I’m surprised they get away with making it solely about a person’s ‘will to be thin.’ Im glad that you are out from underneath that unrealistic pressure!

  69. Former Professional Computer Geek*

    I live for the day when basing things on how someone looks is as illegal as their race or ethnic heritage. There’s a horrible perception in the US that people who are fat (whether they actually are) are lazy and less competent than those who are believed to be thin, despite studies that show that your weight has nothing to do with competence. Add to that the mistaken belief that fat people cost a business more money in health care (again, repeated studies show this as untrue; even the CDC says the biggest drain on health care is the elderly) and you start seeing why fat people are more likely to be unemployed or underpaid.

    1. Joey*

      Oh cmon. Diabetes, back problems, high blood pressure and lots of other conditions associated with being overweight are a huge drain on healthcare, especially as it relates to employer costs. Of course there are exceptions, but please don’t pretend that those problems aren’t a massive cost for employers. And fwiw employers don’t especially care about elderly healthcare costs since most elderly are no longer working. I can tell you because I’ve seen the healthcare costs of 10000 employees and where the most money is spent.

      1. Joey*

        And just to clarify, the reason employers focus on healthcare costs associated with being overweight (and smoking) is because they are largely preventable unlike growing old.

      2. Melissa*

        But not everyone who is overweight has the associated medical problems – they just elevate the risk. There are also lots of thin people who have those health issues and other ones.

        Not only that, but how would an employer purport to ferret out the people he thought were most at prone for developing diabetes et al. and running up his insurance premiums? Just by looking at them? Risky proposition indeed.

        The point, though, was the first part of the comment – which is that a lot of people attach moral failings to people who are fat, and assume that they are also lazy and incompetent because of their size.

  71. Lori C*

    I am appalled. Why in the heck did this horrible company hire her in the first place? They knew what she looked like all during the interview process. Nothing like getting hired and then telling you later you don’t meet their requirements of “thin and edgy”.

  72. Not So NewReader*

    Did this CEOs former job have something to do with brain washing? It sounds like a brain washing technique.
    I have no clue how you got through these conversations without dropping a few choice words, OP. Good on you, at any rate.

    What is really sad here, is that this CEO is convinced that she sells products/services because of the skinny people at her company. This is a sad, sad person. Typically, products and services are sold because they are necessary or helpful and have value. She has reduced her company down to having no value. Her company is on a slippery slope and karma will step in and do its thing.

  73. T*

    Good for you for saying something! I’m happy you were able to find another position and move on. I think it goes beyond an aesthetic preference to a value judgment on their part.

  74. Overweight*

    See it’s hearing stuff like this that makes me anxious. I’m very young – 25 and currently doing my MBA. I’ll be doing a lot of job searching over the next two years. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you I’m super sharp and an amazing worker. I’m also a size 22.

    My mom (who is very blunt) has said she thinks no one will want to hire me or promote me because of my size. I always rolled my eyes and didn’t listen since I’m perfectly happy with myself.

    However stories like this and hearing that appearance isn’t in anyway protected make me terrified. I’ve tried to get the weight off but I am a long long long way from skinny. I feel like people are even more judgmental of my size because I’m a girl. This just makes me so depressed.

    1. RishaBree*

      Please don’t panic. I’m a couple of sizes larger than you, and no one has ever mentioned my weight in the workplace, the vast majority of my feedback has been extremely positive, I’ve received raises and promotions at appropriate intervals, and when I have received negative feedback it was always about things I legitimately needed to improve. It’s impossible to prove or disprove whether anyone might have secretly been prejudiced against me, of course, but if they were, they were subtle enough about it that any effect on my career has been unnoticeable. I only ever worry (a little) when it comes to job hunting, and after the only set of face-to-face interviews I’ve ever had (the others were all phone interviews), they hired me.

      And as other people said further up the page, if you do get interviewed by someone who is holding your weight against you, or would even bring it up, is that somewhere you really want to work?

      1. Kelly L.*

        +1. This employer is way outside the norm of anything I’ve experienced. I’m also a larger woman and haven’t had any trouble, unless, like RishaBree says, it was subtle and I never knew. The only thing I can think of is that I felt like an awkward She-Hulk in one office where everyone I worked with happened to be very petite–both in height and weight. But we all got along fine and nobody ever gave me crap.

        (I actually worry more about my teeth–crooked–and my hair–long; though I’m a woman, it’s unfashionable for it to be quite this long, but I like it and want it to stay that way.)

        1. RishaBree*

          Oh yeah, feeling like She-Hulk sometimes is a given, in workplace or out. But I’m nearly 6’1″ and genuinely big boned in addition to being fat. And wear glasses. Blending in was never going to be an option, even before the super bright pink/green/blue forearm half-sleeve and starting to dye my hair hot pink.

          (I nearly cried when I had to go back to strawberry blonde a few months ago for job hunting purposes. The hair is definitely one of those Your Workplace May Vary sort of things. But seriously, Overweight, don’t sweat the weight.)

          1. Overweight*

            Thank you both of you for the comments! Definitely made me feel better :) Yes, I feel like a She-Hulk a lot.

  75. All or*

    Good on you for getting the h-e-double hockey sticks OUT of there. I want to add so many more inappropriate words to my descriptions of that place, but I will keep it classy ;). I wouldn’t have handled that nearly so well, as a size 12. I weightlift, so I am bigger and heavier than average folks my height…and I would probably have delivered a big bitchslap to these folks. Not a good idea.

    Rock on with your awesome self, and let’s hope karma bites those crazy morons in the butt.

Comments are closed.