was I rude to this stranger who wanted to connect on LinkedIn?

by Alison Green on December 23, 2014

A reader writes:

I received a connection request from a stranger on LinkedIn, and by the end, we both ended up feeling that the other person had been very rude. I followed my instincts and didn’t engage further than the conversation reproduced below. I still think about what I’d say to set this guy straight regarding professional norms, but a part of me wonders if I was the one that was rude. Care to weigh in?

For clarity, while we work in the same industry, we shared no contacts, previous companies, or locations. He could message me because we both joined the same public LinkedIn interest group. I’ll usually just ignore such requests, but inexplicably didn’t this time.

image of LinkedIn exchange. OP: "I do not accept connection requests from people that I have not met or spoken with. Good luck to you on your hunt, though. If I can offer one tip, you have misspelled 'Verification' on your LinkedIn profile as "Veerification." Stranger's response: "Thanks 4 the advice. It is highly appreciated. But that's very arrogant on your side but anyways good to know u. Do pray to god that if ever in your career ever your resume comes to me or my team I will definitely help you. All the best n god bless."

 

This is why people so frequently don’t help strangers — because said strangers are often rude in return.

You weren’t rude here. You explained a perfectly reasonable policy of not connecting with strangers (a preference shared by many people on LinkedIn), and you pointed out to him an awfully embarrassing mistake on his profile.

The correct response from him would have been “thank you” — not calling you arrogant or implying you’re a dick.

I’ll never understand why people shoot out bitter responses like this in the heat of the moment — whether it’s rejected job applicants or situations like this one. There’s no faster way of confirming that the other person made the right decision (to reject, to not network, or whatever it might be).

 

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{ 259 comments }

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  1. some1*

    “The correct response from him would have been “thank you” — not calling you arrogant or implying you’re a dick.”

    And tbh, I’d take the “God Bless” as an added slap as someone who was raised Catholic. Christians are supposed to pray for/turn the other cheek to someone who does wrong to you, and to make a point to say that’s what you are doing kind of defeats the point.

    1. LBK*

      Yeah…maybe I’ve watched too many TV shows with stereotypical passive aggressive Christian characters, but the advice to pray and the “God bless” come off as extremely snarky and backhanded to me.

      1. Nerd Girl*

        LOL! I lived in Florida for a while and worked with a lot of southern women. They introduced me to “Bless your heart”. Said in the right tone this is pretty insulting. I’ve never been able to pull off the tone with northeast accent.

          1. Mallory Janis Ian*

            When I was a kid and the grownups were sitting around gossiping, it was always, “That, poor, afflicted family! Donny-John just won’t quit his drinking and stepping out, and Erma — bless her heart — she just doesn’t know what to do with him . . . ” etc., etc. So we children took to calling one another ‘flicted as an insult; we didn’t know what it meant, specifically, but we knew it meant there was something wrong with you. ‘Flicted was the kids’ version of “bless your heart”.

        3. cuppa*

          My midwestern mother never picked up on the subtleties of “bless your heart” and expresses it literally, which cracks me up.

          1. Pennalynn Lott*

            I’m from the south, and there are two usages for “Bless your heart”. One is the snarky version everyone is referring to. The other is genuine, and usually in response to hearing about how someone was surprised by something negative (loss of a job, snake in the toilet, burglar breaking into their house, freak accident, etc.) in which it’s appropriate to express sympathy by saying, “Bless your heart! You must have been so frightened / scared / taken aback.”

            1. Connie-Lynne*

              Yes, this. As someone who’s picked up some of my Southern family’s mannerisms, it’s very frustrating to me how many people seem to only know the snarky version.

              In addition to the expression of sympathy noted above, there’s a usage which basically means “this person is so internally good that they were naive enough to be surprised when they got taken advantage of / other easily-predicted-for-the-cynical bad consequence occurred as a result of a good deed.”

      2. Kelly*

        The phrases “God bless” and “bless his/her heart” come off as condescending and snarky to me as well. When I hear or read correspondence with those phrases, I can only think of Dana Carvey’s Church Lady.

    2. Adam*

      For me as a Christian the requester’s response falls into the category of “Christian” colloquialisms that make me want to pound my head against the wall. Far be it for me to be an authority on anything religious/spiritual, but if you use what is supposed to be a declaration of spiritual well wishing with a hint of superiority and or snark you’re doing it wrong. (I’ve probably been guilty of this at least once, but I’ve learned better at least, or at least I think I have. :P)

      1. NoPantsFridays*

        Yeah, this. In my (non-Christian) faith, we have similar phrases of spiritual well wishing, but of course we’re not supposed to use them as subtle barbs! I try to either say them genuinely, or not say them at all. The same goes for non-religious greetings/wishes. If I say “Hope you feel better soon” to an ill friend, I don’t secretly mean “I hope you get even sicker!”

      2. Rebecca*

        Yes! I’m a Christian as well and it bugs me to no end when someone says something like “Have a blessed day,” when they clearly want you to do the opposite.

      3. Scott W.*

        I’m glad I’m not the only one whose skin crawls when they see people write “God Bless” on things almost like it’s intended to send the recipient on a guilt trip. LinkedIn is a professional business environment; let’s just stick to the facts of the conversation without adding any religious frills.

    3. Was_I_Rude_OP*

      I’m the OP (original poster) for this question. Honestly, the part that really gets me is his referencing God, as if I committed a sin and he’s the better person for still being willing to “turn the other cheek.” I couldn’t tell you whether he is Christian or another religion, but I felt pretty offended in his use of God to insult me.

        2. AF*

          YES! After it was pointed out that he misspelled something, he replies with a bunch of “u”s in place of “you.” Wow.

      2. NoPantsFridays*

        It was also an especially odd reference to God. First off, it wasn’t capitalized, and IME the only people who don’t capitalize it are atheists, which this person doesn’t seem to be. Moreover, it wasn’t only “God Bless” or “have a blessed day”, it was a request that the OP pray. I read it almost like “you better pray that we help you if your resume ever comes our way.” But then, it’s so badly written that I’m confused by the meaning!

        1. Ellie A.*

          That’s how I took it — not as a sincere wish that the OP pray, but as a veiled threat. — “If I’m ever in a position to hire you, you better pray I don’t throw you resume in the trash.”

          2. nicolefromqueens*

            I think you mean:

            “If im ever in a poosition 2 hire u u better prey I don’t throw ur resume in the trash!!!1”

            ;-)

        2. Connie-Lynne*

          Right? “Do pray to god that I will help you” sure sounds like a threat.

          It’s probably just inability to write coherently, though.

        4. Erica*

          If I was rejected from a position where I’d be working for this guy, I’d send up a prayer of thanks that I dodged a bullet.

      3. Pixie*

        Personally, I found the fact that he didn’t capitalize the G in God insulting. Not sure if he was diminishing God or showing ignorance.

        1. Scott W.*

          Honestly, I’d put the lack of capitalization up to poor typing skills rather than spiritual irreverence. I mean, he couldn’t even be bothered to spell out “you” properly…

  2. fposte*

    Textspeak, passive-aggressive to the hilt, and vindictive? I think this person is punished enough by being this person.

    You weren’t rude, and your instincts were correct in leading you to silently freeze him out after this paragraph of derangement.

    1. BRR*

      ” I think this person is punished enough by being this person.”

      I thought for a while and there’s nothing I can add to this, it’s pretty spot on.

    5. Sunshine*

      “This person is punished enough by being this person.”

      You win. I’m still laughing. And I have a new way to remind myself that I can’t maim people for general stupidity.

    6. Nashira*

      I may have pulled something trying to choke back laughter. I have met so many people whose punishment is clearly being themselves.

    9. Another Lauren*

      This whole comment was spectacular, I am actually crying laughing, and I’m slightly worried that my 7-month pregnant belly bouncing with laughter is sending my little one into a tailspin.

  3. Apollo Warbucks*

    There is nothing rude about your message to them. I think you’ve done well to avoid connecting with this person judging my the way they have presented themselves and the manner in which they spoke to you.

    1. some1*

      Yup. Notice the other person trusted the LW enough to connect, but not to give the actually helpful suggestion any weight.

  4. Poohbear McGriddles*

    I’ve often been tempted to correct people’s spelling on LinkedIn.

    Really, you’re a “Senor Director of Teepot Desin”? Maybe set down the iPhone and set up your profile on a desktop. At least that way you’ll maybe catch those errors and not look like you don’t have a decent command of the English language (in all fairness to non-native English speakers, I normally see this from those who should know better).

    1. the gold digger*

      A recruiter interviewed me but I never got past him. In his LinkedIn profile, he noted he was in charge of “corporate highers.”

      This is the same guy who, after he asked me where I had gone to high school and I answered, “The Panama Canal Zone,” told me that he loved Florida but preferred Tampa.

      2. AggrAV8ed Tech*

        Reminds me of an open house where I work. There was a sign on a room that was designated for Foreign Language majors. Unfortunately, the sign actually read “Forien Lengueges” or something to that effect.

      3. Corporate Attorney*

        Totally off-topic, but I lived in Panama post-handover – I rented an apartment in a house in Albrook, and I worked out at the old Balboa High School gym. It must have been interesting to live there during the CZ years!

        1. the gold digger*

          Oh cool! I never meet anyone who has lived there! We lived on Howard, but my dad had a sail boat at the yacht club. (“Yacht” implies a level of elegance that I am sure you noticed did not exist there.)

          I was in high school there during the treaty negotiations – there were a lot of bomb threats, so we would get out of school for that. During the Noriega events, I opened the paper in Austin one morning to see a huge article about my high school comp sci teacher being assassinated, which made me think he was more than a high school teacher.

          It was a great place to be in high school, although of course we were convinced we were missing the authentic high school experience in the States.

  6. Adam V*

    I did something similar once – a recruiter for a company emailed me at my current work email address to pitch me on her job. I responded back saying that I didn’t really appreciate my work email being used for that purpose, and that I was sure my company wouldn’t either.

    However, I regret how I worded my snarky response and I’d totally take it back if I could.

    1. Nancie*

      I wouldn’t regret any snark toward someone dim enough to send a job prospect to a work email. Unless there’s literally no way a reasonable person would think it wasn’t your personal email, that’s not someone I’d want to do business with.

    2. Bend & Snap*

      I did this to a recruiter once, who hit me up hard for a job completely unrelated to my field on LinkedIn. I told her to check the experience before pinging people. and that if she’d read my profile she would see that ALL my experience was in X with none in Y.

      I wish I hadn’t, but there you go. She apologized.

      1. NoPantsFridays*

        I’m so tempted to do this to recruiters over LinkedIn sometimes. I’ve been hit up about jobs in totally different fields, requiring several years more experience than I have, sometimes director-level roles that I’m clearly not qualified for. On the other hand, I’ve had requests from recruiters who obviously read my profile and send me positions that are a very close fit based on the description (that I would apply to if I were looking, which I’m not). I really want to tell off the annoying recruiters, but instead, I just try to be extra nice to the good ones :)

      2. Dan*

        I did that to a recruiter at Amazon. Yup. I’m not a professional software developer, but do write a lot of code. I applied for a job inline with the skillset, and they call me back six months later wanting to know if I want to talk about a software development job. “Let us know if you’re not interested,” they said. They actually wrote me three times. Finally, I emailed them back asking why they bothered contacting me for that job, because there’s only one word on my resume that indicates that I am a software developer (the language that I use.) The actual “accomplishment” section talks about the projects and I analysis that I do.

        The thing is, I’m good at what I do, and get paid like it. A software job isn’t going to pay me that kind of money because I don’t have the skills at that level. An interview is just going to waste the time of everyone involved.

        BTW, they never called me about the job I was actually interested in, and that was more aligned with my skill set.

    3. BritCred*

      I have done this on the phone when a recruiting firm who had placed me in a Temp to Perm (and I’d just gone Perm a few weeks before so they would have just got their “fees”) called me offering me another Temp role.

      “You do know who I currently work for right? My file on your system must say?”
      “Um… I didn’t look…”
      “Try (Company who employs 50 temps per week from you).”
      “…. oh…”

    4. INTP*

      While I absolutely think that the OP had good intentions, not rude intentions, many people DO correct other people’s grammar and spelling errors as a way to be condescending or dismissive. (As a linguistics student, I always have the urge to return the condescension with a speech about prescriptive grammar being a classist institution and “it’s only wrong if a native speaker can’t understand the intent.”) So I think it’s one of those things that no matter your intentions, you do have to be prepared for people to get defensive.

      In this context I do think what the OP did was fine – it was an obvious error in a public professional document, not the same as getting snarky over a typo in a blog comment or something – and the other person was overreacting. I’m not exactly surprised that it might elicit that response, though.

      2. INTP*

        While I absolutely think that the OP had good intentions, not rude intentions, many people DO correct other people’s grammar and spelling errors as a way to be condescending or dismissive. (As a linguistics student, I always have the urge to return the condescension with a speech about prescriptive grammar being a classist institution and “it’s only wrong if a native speaker can’t understand the intent.”) So I think it’s one of those things that no matter your intentions, you do have to be prepared for people to get defensive.

        In this context I do think what the OP did was fine – it was an obvious error in a public professional document, not the same as getting snarky over a typo in a blog comment or something – and the other person was overreacting. I’m not exactly surprised that it might elicit that response, though.

        2. fposte*

          Yeah, I’m generally with you on the correction thing–I don’t think people realize that in most situations, unsolicited corrections are likelier to make them look troublesome than informed. But I’m also with you that this was a situationally acceptable correction to offer, kind of in the “there’s broccoli in your teeth” school of alert.

          1. Katie the Fed*

            Yeah, I need to be better about it. Sometimes I try to correct because someone might not realize something like “you might not know it’s actually ‘for all intents and purposes’ not ‘for all intensive porpoises'” but probably I need to just keep my mouth shut.

            1. Connie-Lynne*

              I struggle with this — especially because I used to be a snarky, condescending corrector.

              These days I keep the corrections to close friends, and usually only when the typo makes things unintentionally funny _or_ if I’ve been asked specifically to proofread. In the case of a humorous typo, I’ll go to lengths to make it clear that the typo is ticking my funny bone, but NOT in a smugly superior way (“best typo ever! Did you really mean [explanation of comedy]?” or something of the sort). If asked to proofread, I keep it professional and dry.

              1. Connie-Lynne*

                Argh, “tickling” my funny bone, not “ticking.” Why is it always in the grammar posts that one makes a typo?

            2. Not So NewReader*

              Once in a blue moon with certain types of people, I’d let the porpoises live on. Just because…..

              But you’re right, most people want to know these things. It’s far better to be told in a private one-on-one than to have the whole world see.

            3. fposte*

              What finally cured me was becoming an editor. At this point, if I ain’t getting paid, I’m not fixing it :-).

  8. Katie the Fed*

    Oh lord, this is JUST like online dating.

    “hi, ur cute – wanna meet?” – self-proclaimed “nice guy”
    …no response from me because I’m asleep/out of town/whatever…
    “OH OK!!! I GUESS YOU THINK YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR ME. YOUR UGLY AND I WOULDN’T DATE YOU ANYWAY”

    Awesome.

    1. Stephanie*

      Ugh yeah. I had a guy on the Metro spit at me and call me all kinds of vile things because I turned his (lewd) offer down.

      1. Apollo Warbucks*

        Complete off topic but I followed @EverydaySexism on twitter for about a day, it made me so depressed that woman get treated so badly, that I had to stop reading it.

        1. Nashira*

          That’s one privilege that some folks have, yeah. Like I’m lucky I can pass for a man, with the right clothes, and it cuts down on harassment I face. I keep hoping and working to get a world without sexism soon.

        2. esra*

          Haha! Try living it.

          But yea, that and this post are fine examples that not all people make it out of the petulant child stage of dealing with rejection.

    3. Alter_ego*

      Just read an article this morning about a guy who burned down a woman’s house after she turned him down on Facebook.

      2. OriginalEmma*

        Reminds me of the young women who were SHOT AT, through the windows of their cars, by another car when the women refused the advances of those guys at a gas station they had both visited.

    4. INTP*

      Totally off topic, but check out the “Bye Felipe” instagram. It is hilarious. And also makes me never want to engage in online dating or any dating at all, really.

    5. Sarah in Boston*

      I just got “Wasn’t really interested in you… just was going to ask if you were really 60. Lol bye” last week. (I’m 38 btw).

      1. Elizabeth West*

        Wow.
        I just want to hit people when they suggest I try online dating. Most of the ones who do spend no time on the internet and don’t know that this happens.

        (P.S.–obvs I already tried)

        1. Katie the Fed*

          FWIW, I met my husband on Match, pretty quickly after I started too. And thank god for that :)

        2. Windchime*

          Yes, this. I tried several times in the past and never met anyone that I would be remotely interested in having a relationship with. I got propositioned by several married guys and others just seemed either so arrogant or uneducated* that I couldn’t even muster up the will to meet.

          *I don’t have a degree and I don’t need my guy to have a degree. But he must be able to string words together into a sentence that makes sense, or have read something other than a Playboy in the last year.

    7. Lizzy*

      I have gotten the angry voice mail that goes on and on… even though I was especially nice and clear that I wasn’t interested when we were face to face… good thing I’m a call screener from way back… I mean really, what was that going to do? oh wow you’re so angry and unreasonable, I’m really turned on now… uh no

  9. plain_jane*

    I’m also one of those arrogant people who think that their version of spelling certain words is more “correct”. :)

    I have a second part of the rule about not connecting with people who I haven’t spoken with before. I’d probably be willing to connect if the person told me why they wanted to connect specifically with me, identified their goal for the connection. However I’ve never had the opportunity to put it to the test, I only ever get generic invitations when it’s a semi-random stranger.

    1. De Minimis*

      I have a similar rule….I just don’t connect with people I don’t know well on Facebook and didn’t do that on LinkedIn back when I had that. The closest thing to a mistake I’d see here was in responding at all, but that’s up to each person to decide.

      I found that even that sometimes wasn’t good enough, I had one former co-worker who would send annoying messages wanting to “catch up” and would make comments about my work situation since then. But this guy had no sense of professional norms or decorum when we worked together so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he behaved the same way online. I only connected with him out of general courtesy since we once worked together.

    2. Apollo Warbucks*

      Some context to the request would have made all the difference, just randomly sending out connection requests with nothing in the way of explanation is such poor net working

    3. Kai*

      Is responding to these generic LinkedIn invitations necessary in the first place? I get the exact same ones as the OP occasionally, from strangers, and I have never thought twice to just delete them without sending an explanation as to why I won’t connect. But maybe LinkedIn etiquette is different from, say, Facebook.

      1. De Minimis*

        Ha, I do that with both! I’m even leery about people on Facebook if I’m only loosely acquainted with them.
        Most of the people I’ve friended that way I’ve ended up blocking/hiding…even family members.

      2. fposte*

        Granted, my LinkedIn is pretty much a dead page, but I don’t think unsolicited requests from random strangers require response there any more than anywhere else.

      3. plain_jane*

        I don’t bother responding to generic Linked In invitations. I don’t think you even need to respond to non-generic ones.

        1. The Cosmic Avenger*

          No, I don’t think I’ve ever actually declined an invitation, and I certainly don’t respond to them, but there’s nothing wrong with the OP’s response.

          Besides, look at it this way: if the person in the post who was trying to connect was actually a hiring manager somewhere, I would NOT work there no matter how much they offered me.

      4. Was_I_Rude_OP*

        OP here. I usually don’t reply. I think I did in this case because I felt I could at least offer him something with the spelling correction. I’ve sometimes found long dormant grammar/spelling errors in my resume, and wished that someone would have pointed it out. It’s also somewhat like applying for a job: most of the time you don’t hear anything back, but wouldn’t it be nice to know you were rejected?

        1. De Minimis*

          It’s up to each person to decide how they want to handle these requests, and there’s not really a wrong answer.

          I don’t know if it’s entirely like applying for a job, unless I’m out there soliciting for people to link to me. I think I’m just less charitable overall when it comes to communicating with people I don’t know, though.

        3. Greg*

          I’m with those who say that, while you didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, the fact is that you always need to be careful giving people unsolicited advice. Some will take it constructively, others will get defensive. I’ve experienced that when I interview candidates for jobs and desperately want to tell them what they’re doing wrong. I eventually decided that, unless they specifically ask for feedback, it’s not my place to offer it.

          Again, not saying my approach is right and yours is wrong. It’s a matter of personal taste. But if you do offer advice, you may find that some people react badly to it.

    4. Jill of All Trades*

      This doesn’t seem to be the case here, but I’ve accidentally sent connection requests to strangers while scrolling through on the app on my iPad. My thumb would linger an extra second or something and the next thing I knew a request had been sent with the generic message and the person disappeared from the list. I never figured out how to undo it; I just learned to be more aware of thumb placement. Please don’t judge a random generic request sender; they may just be heavy of thumb :/

      You’d be surprised how many people accepted the totally random request. And no one wrote back with an explanation of not accepting. I think a lot of people are connection collectors, but I’m not (I really don’t understand the people who list their connection count in their headline, like it’s a badge of honor or so no one will notice a lack of substance in their work history?).

      1. acmx*

        I’ve done that! I deleted the app from my phone and just use the site.

        You can undo the invitation by going to your sent folder (on the full site. I don’t know how to do it in the app or for iphone).

    5. jag*

      Not related to the OP’s situation, but I’ve had plenty of people I don’t know try to connect on LinkedIn. And by looking at their profile, if I can see that the connection might be professionally useful to me in the future. So I accept it. I don’t understand the purpose of putting up a fairly arbitrary criteria (real life talk) on LinkedIn on what connections you accept. It’s the internet. Part of the value is being able to connect without speech. Heck, I’ve even worked with people I’ve never spoken to (though in those cases, we usually end up speaking, at least by Skype/phone after a few months).

      Not career-related, but there are some people I’m connected to online on other social media now (such as Facebook) that I’ve never spoken with at all but have been in digital communication with for more than ten years. That is a good thing. One of them even had their spouse “friend” me on Facebook a few years ago since our interests overlapped so much. We finally met for lunch this year after more than a decade of being “connected.”

  10. Sam*

    Not to play Devils Advocate, but basing on the grammar, spelling etc, I get the impression that this person does not have English as their first language. So it’s possible that it was more mistranslation/lack of understanding that made them feel the OP was being rude.

    2. Career Counselorette*

      Or they could be between the ages of 18-25. I just graded a whole bunch of practice essays for an SAT prep class I co-lead (of mixed native and non-native English speakers) that were written by hand like “Its better to gain knoledge bfore takin action n kno what u are doing.”

      3. Rex*

        My husband is extremely bright, but pretty severely dyslexic. Luckily he was born into the era of spellcheck, so it has not limited his career options. But I could easily see him writing something like this by hand. You should see how many ways he can spell “potato”.

        1. danr*

          I once spelled “giraffe” wrong many different ways on a biology test. The teacher said he was tempted to give me a couple of points for creativity.

        2. Z*

          I read somewhere that people with dyslexia see over 400 version of the same word and often can’t discriminate which is correct. Random kind of, but I found that interesting

        3. Jazzy Red*

          As person who lives to read, I have nothing but sympathy and admiration for those with a learning disability such as dyslexia. (Back in high school, my typing looked like I had a serious LD. In typing class, our typewriter keys were blank and we weren’t allowed to look at what we were typing, and I often had one hand off a key or a row. My boyfriend said I typed in secret code. Maybe I should have applied to the CIA?)

    3. 2 Cents*

      I think English (though poorly written) is this person’s first language. They just don’t write well or know how to use spell check. If you’ve read enough Facebook, this would look familiar.

    4. AvonLady Barksdale*

      Have to say… not only do I believe this person is a native English speaker, I wouldn’t be surprised if he/she were well over 25. I see this text speak everywhere, from teenagers to my 80-year-old weird uncle. Amy Pascal, for instance– the Sony hack has told me that she is not a good writer of emails.

      1. Clerica*

        My landlord emails me, using a full keyboard (not her phone) and uses so many text shortcuts that it takes me twice as long to figure out what she wanted. She’s…early sixties? I think she’s trying to sound hip. She’s definitely capable of better; the whole reason I responded to her ad was that it wasn’t the usual “I HAZ HOUSE U NEED HOUSE PAY UR RNT ONTIME B KLEEN LOL.”

    5. AnotherAlison*

      I guess I might be the lone dissenter here, but I do interpret a tiny, tiny bit of rudeness in the OP’s response, in part based on the impression I got that the linkedin connector (LIC) was likely a non-native English speaker.

      I think there are a couple other ways it could have been handled that would have been 100% impersonal and not subject to any misinterpretation.The LIC just sent a generic connection request. The LIC is probably one of those people with 500+ connections (or wants to get there). If you just ignore the request, they probably won’t ask you again. Now, if they sent you 2+ requests, I might send the reply the OP sent, but I’d leave off the spelling tip. I can definitely see the thin-skinned person (ahem, me) reading the OP’s response as “Hey, go F-off, but before you do, let me slap you in the face and point out your spelling flaws.” I tend to interpret anyone who disagrees with me that way. It’s a character flaw, I know.

      1. Kai*

        I got that impression, too. It was a totally generic connection invitation and didn’t really warrant any explanation for the dismissal.

          1. Kelly L.*

            Well, it’s meant to sound intimate, but I’m sure this person puts that in every message to create false intimacy. My bet is spammer or scammer.

            1. Not So NewReader*

              Really great point. Maybe the person who wrote felt that OP figured out more about him than she actually did. That could explain the back lash.

            2. Alma*

              Yes, isn’t that how those emails from exiled royals begin when they are trying to get you to deposit their fake check into your personal bank account? “Because you are someone I trust…”

          2. Pontoon Pirate*

            That’s just a fill-in-the-blank option for LinkedIn connection messages… one of several you can pick from, I think. I don’t think the writer really meant he/she trusted the OP but couldn’t honestly say they’d done business together.

            2. Natalie*

              This really reinforces my theory that the people behind LinkedIn don’t really understand the internet.

      2. The Cosmic Avenger*

        They went above and beyond by telling the person why they were declining, which was unnecessary IMO, but hardly rude; as you said, you might have sent that exact rejection. So you believe that giving someone a tip to appear more professional in business correspondence justifies outright, negative-adjective-flinging, veiled-threatening rudeness? I’d definitely call that a character flaw.

        BTW, mine is that I am very impatient with inconsistency. And yes, I’m at least as hard on myself when I am inconsistent. It’s not always fun being me.

        1. Janie*

          She’s not being inconsistent–she said she might send a similar response (minus pointing out the spelling error) after 2+ requests, not after one. I also don’t see anywhere in AnotherAlison’s post where she mentions that OP’s remark justified the response she got. Perhaps she believes OP’s response was unnecessary and the LinkedIn person was rude as well. They’re not mutually exclusive.

      3. fposte*

        I think, though, that there’s a difference between “is rude” and “might get somebody’s back up.”

    6. Was_I_Rude_OP*

      (OP here) Hi Sam. Based on my understanding of his LinkedIn profile, you are right that English is not his first language. I initially wasn’t sure if his anger was because I didn’t accept his request, or because of my spelling suggestion. I wondered if perhaps in his culture, pointing out such a thing is rude. I didn’t mean to come across as disrespectful to his culture or intelligence. I understand that there are a lot of foreign-born people doing very technical work in the US in a language that they only learned recently, and learned much better than I would have been able to learn THEIR language.

      1. Sam*

        I am sure some of my French communications come across quite poorly due to me using the wrong verb. I try my best, but my French is pretty bad :)

        1. Sandrine (France)*

          But using “4” instead of “for” and “u” instead of “you” (while using you just fine otherwise) is bizarre.

          I am sure your French is lovely. As I always say, I probably would never have learnt the language, hadnt’t I been born French :p

    8. Lizzy*

      My uncle was complaining to me about “my generation” over a holiday party recently, and told me a story about a young hire at his company. The hire was fresh out of college and liked to use text speak for all his written communication. My uncle, his supervisor, (reluctantly) gave him his first major project which involved creating a training packet for employees. When my uncle got it back, it was entirely full of grammatical errors and had lots of text speak. My uncle confronted him about it and the guy just told him that is the director corporate communications is going towards, and that my uncle and “his generation” better get use to it. Needless to say that guy didn’t last very long.

      My point is not that Gen Y (or the generation after them) are so misinformed and ignorant, but many surprising have gotten use to that style of writing that it is the norm for them. So I do think is it very possible the LinkedIn user in the OP’s story was a native speaker. And even if that person wasn’t a native speaker, the usage of text speak still indicates someone relatively young.

      2. Snargulfuss*

        How do people even get through college without being able to write an essay or report in proper English?! (That’s a rhetorical question; the answers would probably scare me.) There’s a whole subset of the population that would like to do away with the humanities, but at least an English or Humanities degree teaches students how to write, if nothing else.

      1. MaryMary*

        It could be a combination of text speak and ESL. When I worked with an offshore team in India, several of them would use text speak in their email and IMs. To me, text speak is practically another language, or at least a dialect (I’m in my mid30s, I was in my late 20s at the time), so it always confused me that it was some of my coworkers’ preferred communication.

    10. Golden Yeti*

      I actually had the same thought, after reading it a second time.

      The “do pray to god (blah blah) I will definitely help you” threw me off. If you’re threatening someone, it sounds…off to say “pray that I will *definitely* help you.” I’m actually wondering if this guy just typed out what he wanted to say in his native language, pasted it into Google translate or something, and sent it. I’ve heard first hand some really wonky results when using auto-translate services.

      I do agree with Sandrine below, that poor English shouldn’t be a “get out of jail free card.” If he really cared about making a good impression, he could have sought out a native speaker and double checked his message with them first.

      1. Zillah*

        This comes off as a little harsh to me – it’s not necessarily practical to have a native speaker check your grammar for everything you write, including a little note you’re sending off on LinkedIn, and I can only imagine that it would get demoralizing really quickly – and also probably irritate your native speaking friends. You don’t have to have perfect grammar to make a good impression, and I think it’d do a lot of good to be a little more tolerant of non-native speakers.

        The issue with this person was their response, not their language skills.

        1. Golden Yeti*

          True. I didn’t mean someone should have every single communication double checked. But I know, even for me, if something is really important and how I word it is critical, I’ll have someone else look over it.

    11. Lizzie*

      I was actually thinking exactly the same thing. This reads like a LOT of the messages I get on Facebook and LinkedIn from 2nd degree connections from my Peace Corps host country (where English is widely spoken, but is still an additional language for most people). And for what it’s worth, in my experience, many of these would-be connections do view linking up with someone on Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. very differently (much more casually) than my American-born friends and coworkers do.

    12. JMW*

      Sam, this was my thought as well. The awkwardness in phrasing in both messages sounded like something run through an online translator or something being parrotted incorrectly.

  11. Illini02*

    I think the person responding took it to a level it didn’t need to go. However, your correcting their spelling/grammar is something I could see being taken as a jab. In the way all email works, the mood you are in when you get a written message will impact how you read it. So while you were probably meaning to just be helpful, I can see how it could come off like “Why would I connect with you, you can’t even spell”. Again, I think the other person WAY over reacted, but your response to the invitation to connect can be taken wrong easily as well.

    1. Eva*

      Illini02, that’s exactly what I was going to say. Even though I am generally super appreciative whenever anyone points out an embarrassing mistake like that to me, I think it would have been more tactful of the OP to refrain from doing so here. She is already rejecting the person’s overture of relationship which has a bitter taste to it in it self; to point out a spelling mistake somehow adds salt to the wound, particularly since there is nothing particularly warm in the message to balance things out. Kind of like if you go up to someone and ask them out, and they say no and add without smiling that you seem to have spinach stuck in your teeth. Helpful, sure, but at the cost of adding to the embarrassment.

  12. Sam*

    I’m looking much more at wording: “anyway good to know you”

    This is a common phrase I come across often in traveling with non-English speakers. Also the use of “person I trust” for someone they don’t know. Almost looks like the wrong word being used. I may be reading too much into it, as I am currently up to ears in this stuff, but just a thought.

  13. John*

    “You are a person I trust” is such an odd message to a stranger, and it begs the question of why.

    I receive LinkedIn requests from strangers all the time and I find it baffling that people don’t list why they want to connect. It’s always the generic message. Give me a reason, people! Do we have a connection in common? Is there an intersection of interests? Otherwise, it feels like a cold call, and we all know how to treat a cold call.

      2. Sage*

        SerfinUSA, you read my mind. I think the OP dodged a bullet. Glad the OP didn’t feel so guilty that accepting the request became the default response.

    3. Adam*

      I’ve always found it weird that that was the default message for LinkedIn contact. I know trust is important in business (much like everywhere else) and you should probably take LinkedIn at least a little more serious than your Facebook page, but that always seemed a little heavy for a plain connection request.

    4. anny mouse*

      I’m pretty sure “since you are a person I trust” is generic connection text from LinkedIn – I see it all the time (even on connection requests from folks I know), so I think it’s just their template. Still a weird thing to say, though.

      Lack of context on these requests is a pet peeve of mine, as well.

        1. Was_I_Rude_OP*

          OP here. “Person I trust” is one of the generic template options that LinkedIn provides. But it’s such a bad one to have used, in this case, since we had no prior ties.

        3. NoPantsFridays*

          Wow, this is really good to know! I’ve always typed my own messages, but it’s good to know that if I don’t, this horrible message will autofill.

      2. Middle Name Jane*

        Correct. That is one of the generic text forms you can use when you send an invitation to connect with someone on LinkedIn. I never use that one because I think it sounds weird.

    5. Connie-Lynne*

      OK, I apologize up front for correcting grammar on a post about grammar corrections, but … I feel like it’s vaguely acceptable given the context?

      I think you mean, instead of “begs the question of why,” “raises the question of why.” “Begging the question” is a logical fallacy wherein one “leaves the question a beggar,” ie, “assumes the answer to a question in the process of asking the question.”

      For example, “This artwork is worthless because I found it in a trash pile” assumes as part of its reasoning that everything found in trash piles is worthless, and therefore it begs that question. It’s similar to, but not quite the same, as circular reasoning.

    6. Snargulfuss*

      I work with college students and I’ve found that international students are often super quick to request a connection on LinkedIn. On the one hand, these students have gotten the message that LinkedIn can be a useful resource in their job hunt and career development (which is good), but on the other hand they’re often unaware of cultural and professional norms of networking.

  15. Stephanie*

    I especially like the passive aggressive remark of “Well, I’ll help you if you apply here!” trying to guilt the OP into accepting the connection. Because a stranger connection on LinkedIn is like the keys to the networking kingdom.

    1. Ann O'Nemity*

      Oh, I read that sentence differently. I thought they were vindictively saying, “You better pray to God that I will help you if your resume ever comes to my team.”

      1. Sadsack*

        I thought he was saying, hey, I’d help you if you asked for it, even though you are not willing to help me. However, now that I re-read it, I don’t get the god reference in that sentence.

      3. Clerica*

        If I were the praying type, I’d actually pray that he didn’t. I wouldn’t want to work with, for, or around this mess.

      4. NoPantsFridays*

        That’s how I read it too. Probably the weirdest reference to God and praying that I’ve seen in a business context…

  16. Anon e Mouse*

    Most people who request me that I don’t know get a response along the lines of, “I don’t believe we’ve met or worked together. Would you please tell me why you would like to connect?” Most never respond and I delete their request, but I have had someone reply they were a student and wanted advice on their career. I was more than happy to oblige in that case, but most people just want to up their connection count to closer to 500. If you get 500+, your profile gets more visibility. I guess some people care about that. :)

    1. Steve G*

      It is funny how someone people are so trigger-happy to connect. When my company was going through a merger 2 months ago, someone from the other company worked a 1/2 day in our office. I went to lunch with him. He sent me a linkedin invite that evening. We got along and I was glad to accept, but it did feel so calculated and mechanical.

      There were other people from the other company that I talked to for weeks on a daily basis before the connected me, and some never did.

  17. HR Manager*

    I have 40+ invitations pending in LinkedIn, all from vendors and/or random people whom I don’t know. I’ve stopped accepting them from total random strangers, unless I see an obvious reason to connect too (i.e., same industry or same profession). What you did was quite common, and not rude at all. I’d let him continue his/her text-typing and see how far the job search/networking actually gets.

  18. Jake*

    It sucks that such a high percentage of people are jerks in situations like this. Being humble and grateful are your only chance in “cold call” type environments.

    1. Was_I_Rude_OP*

      OP here. No, he didn’t fix it! In fact, he copy/pasted the same misspelled heading 6 times, once for each of 6 projects he did. I guess if you spell it that way often enough, it becomes correct?

      1. NinaK*

        I bet it will end up in the next edition of the dictionary. If people say it / spell it, it must accept it!

      2. Nashira*

        This must be the inverted version of that phenomenon where if you write or type a word too many times in short order, it stops looking like a word. Square does that to me *all the time*. Stupid fancy rectangles.

  20. Thomas*

    LinkedIn has started allowing/encouraging context-free connection requests, and it’s super-annoying to me as both sender and recipient. They show you a list of “people you may know” and a single click sends them the default connection request message with no chance to edit or add anything. It promotes bad connection requests like the one illustrated here, and is a significant shift in the ethos that LinkedIn has heretofore espoused. Does anybody know if there’s a way to change this behavior, at least as a sender? I’d love, but can’t imagine them offering, a “Force connection requestors to send me a real message by their own hand” option.

    2. Greg*

      +1000. I *hate* that they do this. Just remember, LI has an interest in getting you on the site and connected to as many people as possible. Your interests should be to create a meaningful network of contacts. The two may not overlap.

    4. Lulubell*

      I JUST realized this, after inadvertently sending a blank, cold request. I hit the button, thinking that another prompt would come up, asking me how I knew the person and offering space for a message, and NOPE. It just sent my blank request to that person. FWIW, I’m adamant about not accepting requests from strangers, and I was mortified by this. Lesson learned! Apparently now you have to hover over the person’s profile and something comes up asking if you want to craft a message. It’s much less obvious than ever before.

    2. Lia S*

      It was a nice touch, but it might be unintentionally excluding visually impaired readers who use software to read the text aloud. Maybe a text version underneath the image?

        1. NoPantsFridays*

          Yes, AFAIK, it’s best to put the description into the alt-text. It would be especially feasible with an image like this, which is not all that complicated to describe, and which has only a short conversation/exchange.

            1. Connie-Lynne*

              Usually if alt-text is working correctly, one can hover over the image and you’ll see the alt-text.

              That’s not happening for me, but my machine is all kinds of messed up today — I think it went on vacation before I did. It might work for someone else?

  22. brightstar*

    You can change your settings on LinkedIn to limit the persons who can send you connection requests to either people in your imported contact list or who know your email address or both. It will also allow you to disable all the emails they like to send (I just did that).

    I usually don’t send a message if I’m not accepting a LinkedIn request. I just hit the X.

  23. Mena*

    The person was rude but somehow thought the religious references would somehow make the response less rude??

    In the future, why respond at all? I’m not obligated to response to any unsolicited/disconnected request that lands on my desk. I wouldn’t feel the need to response or provide feedback for exactly the reason we see here.

    1. Was_I_Rude_OP*

      OP here. I will definitely think hard before replying to a stranger’s request in the future. So this guy just ruined it for any other LinkedIn stranger in the future who might have benefited from my /wisdom/ (heavy sarcasm).

  24. Middle Name Jane*

    My question is why the OP bothered to respond to the request in the first place. If I receive a request to connect from someone I don’t know or have any affiliation with, I click “ignore” and then click “I don’t know this person.” It has always been my understanding that if someone sends out spam requests to add connections and enough people complain, then LinkedIn will take measures to restrict that person’s activity on the site.

    Makes no sense to engage a stranger in a written argument. Makes them both look unprofessional IMO.

    1. Zillah*

      I’m not sure unprofessional is the right word here – I think that for something to be unprofessional, it needs to take place in the context of work. A private message exchange on LI doesn’t cut it for me.

      1. Middle Name Jane*

        I say “unprofessional” because LinkedIn is a business platform, and I’m always especially mindful of what I post and how I come across on the site. You never know…

    2. svb*

      I came here to say this. Not every communication on the internets warrants a reply, least of all those coming from strangers. The invite text is standard, not ironic, so simply hit ignore and move on with life.

  25. Persephone Mulberry*

    The only thing that might be construed as a little bit rude on the OP’s part is that the “no, I don’t want to connect with you” wasn’t softened by “thanks for the invite, but”. It just comes off as a little abrupt.

    I’m a member of a facebook group that has a large percentage of international members, and the syntax and spelling of posts in that group are consistent with the connector’s reply message, so I’m not surprised to learn that English is probably not the connector’s first language. Because of that, I don’t know that I would have interpreted the reply message as rude, necessarily – I most likely would have attributed it to “lost in translation.”

    1. Was_I_Rude_OP*

      @Eva and @PersephoneMulberry, thank you for the suggestion. I definitely could have started my response with a nicety to soften the blow.

      1. Adonday Veeah*

        FWIW, I thought your wishing him well on his job hunt was plenty softening. I didn’t see a need for anything else.

  26. AmyNYC*

    I don’t think you did anything wrong, but your reply comes off a a bit harsh. Just a little, “Thanks for the request, but I don’t connect with people I don’t know personally. By the way….”

  27. Robin*

    I got a connection request from someone I didn’t know, but when I sent her some friendly unsolicited advice, she was very gracious and thanked me. So YMMV.

  28. Sandrine (France)*

    Please, please, dear AAM people, don’t just justify the horrible message because the person is not a native English speaker!

    It just breaks my little heart to see what some people may get away with.

    I’m not a Native speaker, yet apparently I can write decent messages (though I will admit that sometimes, I could work on my fluidity and overall talent a little bit).

    1. Stephanie*

      I always understand your messages and think the fluidity is fine! (And even if you don’t think your syntax is perfect…it’s a blog comment section. :) )

      1. Sandrine (France)*

        I’m saying this because a while ago now, there was a debate on an English speaking FB friend’s page, and I posted something, and I thought I had made myself clear… then woosh all of a sudden I’m accused of meaning to say something that is the total opposite of the real meaning of my words. I was so shaken that I deleted and blocked anyone from that discussion (it became condescending and not so nice) and sent my message off to other American friends.

        One of them understood me just fine, but then she re-wrote my message and not only was it shorter, it was also to the point, exactly what I meant, and just better in general.

        Kekekekekekeke

        1. Nashira*

          That’s a “people communicating” issue, not a non-native English speaker issue, unless there were a lot of missed idioms. One of my best friends is German, and most of the times we have miscommunications like you describe, it’s something that could (and does) happen with other people with whom we share native fluency.

          The rest come from forgetting something is an idiom whose literal meaning is, uh, bizarre once you translate it. Sometimes really bizarre…

          1. Zillah*

            Yeah, I agree. I’ve seen this happen a lot between two native English speakers, too – I certainly wouldn’t take it as any indication that your English skills are lacking!

    2. AnotherAlison*

      Wellllll. . .I think there’s a fairly wide variation among non-native English speakers. Here is a 100% real business email I received from a vendor I was working with in Indonesia. This email is the one apologizing for calling me Mr. Alison. : )

      Mrs. Alison,

      Sorry for previous email i called you Mr. Alison, cause i see [Jones] in your name. In the future i called Mrs.

      Thanks for your attention.

      Best Regard,
      X

      But honestly, I’m not put off by the errors. When I can write to someone in their language, with no errors, I’ll start correcting them. Now, if I was his English tutor, I’d correct him, but there’s no need in this case, as long as we can understand each other.

    3. Windchime*

      I would never have guessed that you were a non-native English speaker until you posted that in the past, Sandrine. Your English is really good and reads as very fluid and grammatically correct to me.

  29. Lillie Lane*

    It doesn’t seem like the OP was engaging the person in an argument, though. The OP sent only one reply, which was taken badly by the LinkedIn member.

  30. random stranger on the internet*

    OP, personally, I’d much rather have this guy consider me an enemy than a friend. You’d be much worse off if he liked you and wanted more feedback on his profile from you, or wanted to pester you with additional networking requests. If he hates you, you get one snarky message and you’ll likely never have to deal with him again.

    Don’t be so quick to put stock int he opinions of random strangers on the internet! That way lies madness…

  31. INTP*

    While I absolutely think that the OP had good intentions, not rude intentions, many people DO correct other people’s grammar and spelling errors as a way to be condescending or dismissive. (As a linguistics student, I always have the urge to return the condescension with a speech about prescriptive grammar being a classist institution and “it’s only wrong if a native speaker can’t understand the intent.”) So I think it’s one of those things that no matter your intentions, you do have to be prepared for people to get defensive.

    In this context I do think what the OP did was fine – it was an obvious error in a public professional document, not the same as getting snarky over a typo in a blog comment or something – and the other person was overreacting. I’m not exactly surprised that it might elicit that response, though.

    1. Nashira*

      Yay, another person who loathes prescriptivist blathering! I kinda want a t-shirt with a pic of Strunk and White, or a dictionary, with the tagline “neither written in stone nor divinely ordained”. Unfortunately, I don’t think many people would get it.

      1. NoPantsFridays*

        I would buy that shirt. I would also buy a shirt that had a picture of a tree, with the tagline “Invented words… as opposed to all-natural words that grow out of tree trunks.” Or something like that. It’s in response to the belief that a word cannot be a “real word” because it’s invented.

  32. Chriama*

    Maybe it’s the Canadian in me talking but the whole wording of the message comes off sort of condescending. “Good luck on your job hunt” could be seen as snide (I don’t know why the “though” rankles with me, but it does), and adding the spelling “tip” to a rejection message like that just makes it sound like you’re looking down your nose at him. The whole thing just has this underlying subtext of ‘who do you think you are that I should consider you worthy of my time’. I do think there’s a cultural aspect here (the overall message is very abrupt compared to how people have communicated with me – and I with them – in professional settings) but I also think the spelling correction pushed it over the limit in terms of politeness. His response was obviously inappropriate, but since you’re the one writing in my advice is for you. Either soften the message (“thanks for your request, but I don’t generally accept connection requests from people I don’t have a prior relationship with. I do wish you all the best in your job search, sincerely John Doe”) or don’t reply at all. And leave the unsolicited advice out of it. It’s his mistake to make, or for someone with whom he does have a prior relationship to point it out.

    1. fposte*

      But I also think this is about reading into the message, which means it’s a recipient tendency rather than the actual words.

      1. illini02*

        See, I feel like thats something use when its convenient. Like if I say something someone considers offensive, many people would think that regardless of my intent, I should apologize. However here, your are absolving the OP for doing what a few people said they could find a bit rude. You can’t really have it both ways.

        1. Ask a Manager* Post author

          There’s a difference between “obviously rude and most reasonable people would agree” and “could be read as rude if you take it one specific way, which isn’t the most typical reading of it.”

        2. fposte*

          Sure I can, because I’m not arguing about the merits of intent but about the common usages of phrasing. Generally, you start with reading text literally and move onto considering it ironic only if you have context or reason to. In other words, if I put “Enjoy your holiday” in my response to your email, you need a reason to think that’s meant anything other than literally–if you read defaulting to the assumption that I’m saying it sarcastically with a phrase that isn’t associated with sarcasm (“bless your heart,” discussed above, is an example of phrase that’s known for non-literal use) and you don’t know me, if you default absent context to assuming I’m saying it meanly, that’s about you, not the writer.

          That doesn’t mean you can say stuff that’s *known* to have problematic implications (“Love the way that dress makes your curves look”) and insist nobody could have any problem with it because you meant it well. It means that conventional statements of well-wishing generally meant sincerely should be treated as sincere until context or knowledge of the person proves otherwise.

          This kind of relates to the topic that comes up here sometimes, the problem of how you react to a sane workplace when you’ve been in a toxic one. If you treat every communication from your manager as a stealthy statement about your inadequacy when your manager has given you no reason to think that, that’s about your lens, not what your manager is doing.

          1. illini02*

            But see for some people, and I’d argue its not THAT small an amount, trying to correct spelling and grammar DOES come off condescending and rude, especially when unsolicited. If I ask you to proofread something, and you say “You spelled (whatever) wrong”, thats one thing. If you look at my profile and send me unsolicited advice, well thats something else. I think more often than not, unsolicited advice is looked at negatively. I think the rude part was the correcting the spelling, not denying the request to connect. And I think many people would find that rude. Its like if you want to say no, fine, but to read through my profile then pick it apart comes across as unnecssary.

    2. KM*

      Yeah, I found it a little condescending, too. He wasn’t asking for feedback about his profile so, in a context where the whole point of the message is to reject him, adding additional criticism seems like it’s putting him in a one-down position more than it seems like helping.

  33. Meghan*

    My LinkedIn profile has my picture on it and a gentleman sent a request to me thinking I was his daughter (??). I politely told him he had the wrong person, and he wrote back telling me to not be “an idiot, it’s your dad” and then a very contrite message a couple hours later apologizing because we have the same name.

      2. fposte*

        Though to be fair, that’s goofy affectionate discourse in some families. My father’s go-to endearment for his kids was “twerp,” said with great love.

        1. Zillah*

          Yeah, while it could be indicative of a big problem, it could also just be a communication dynamic within a perfectly functional and loving family.

  35. Jen*

    I get a lot of random linkedin connection requests. What what’s been working for me is simply responding back politely asking how I know them. Most of the time I don’t get a response back but a couple if times I have. Once it was someone I had worked with at a former company and she had since been married and I just didn’t recognize the new name, but usually it’s just random people wanting to connect.

  36. De Minimis*

    Maybe I’m just a jerk, but my feeling is it’s really hard to be rude in response to something you didn’t initiate or otherwise invite, especially when it’s someone you don’t even know. I kind of view these the way I would the pitches of door-to-door salespeople.

  37. Steve G*

    I think the OP was rude because they denied a connection BUT still felt the need to point out a spelling mistake, and corrections of those sort always seem snippy when you re-read them. I read the note a couple of times and it just doesn’t make sense to say “I don’t connect with people I’ve never spoken with,” as if you are a very private person or someone who has strong boundaries, but then you cross a boundary in the next sentence by critiquing someone you just said you don’t want anything to do with. When you don’t want to have anything to do with someone, you waive the right to critique their stuff.

  38. FX-ensis*

    I would have said:

    “I acknowledge the typo…and thanks for your advice as it would look bad. I hope no offence was caused by asking you to contact…Thanks, enjoy your Christmas!!”

  39. FX-ensis*

    And maybe it’s just me, but I don’t mind if strangers ask em to connect.

    I know it’s not a numbers game, but then for me it’s an intuitive thing….

    if the person is in my industry, and can add value and seems genuine, all the better. Networking is a numbers game after all.

  41. Ashley Greenwood*

    How would you feel if you approached someone at a networking event and they said “I don’t talk to people I haven’t met or spoken to. Good luck finding work though. And if I could offer you one “tip”, your wardrobe choice is embarrassingly wrong.”

    Do you think you would feel they had been rude to you? Of course you would. Even if you didn’t some would, so at a minimum acting this way towards others is unprofessional. You need to take into consideration how others react and feel in business.

Comments are closed.