angry boss writing angry memos

by Alison Green on October 4, 2010

A reader sent me a link to these fantastic memos from a Tiger Oil CEO in the 1970s.

They are awesome.

Some excerpts:

“I swear, but since I am the owner of this company, that is my privilege, and this privilege is not to be interpreted as the same for any employee. That differentiates me from you, and I want to keep it that way.”

“I have noticed the rugs throughout this office are very dirty from people spilling things on them. I will have them cleaned (which will cost me $1,000.00); and, in future, if people cannot carry their coffee without spilling it on my rugs, we will do away with the coffee pots entirely just as we did away with the food.”

“Do not speak to me when you see me. If I want to to speak to you, I will do so. I want to save my throat. I don’t want to ruin it by saying hello to all of you sons-of-bitches.”

And there’s plenty more. Read them immediately, preferably from somewhere where you can gasp loudly and laugh without disturbing anyone.

(I always suspect things that are slightly too awesome of being a hoax, but as far as anyone seems to be able to tell, these are real.)

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{ 14 comments }

{ 14 comments… read them below }

  1. Kate Hutchinson*

    That site it fantastic. You should look also for the one about the person who wrote in to the creator of Wonder Woman complaining about how often WW was tied up, and how the editor added that "bondage could be reduced by 75%" without taking away from the story lines.

  2. Jeff Hunter*

    I loved the one where he says if you don't think you're making enough money be a man and ask for a raise. This has to be a hoax, nobody could be that much of a jerk.

  3. Rebecca*

    Yeah, the guy sounds like a jerk, but I have to admit I can empathize with a lot of his requests. I mean, who ISN'T sick and tired of those employees who spend an hour of company time running out to "buy cigarettes" ?

  4. Anonymous*

    I worked with a lot of oilmen during the 70s and 80s. Believe you me, these are either real, or such a dead-on satire that they might as well be real.

  5. R.B.*

    Can you imagine the poor secretary who had to type these up? I hope he didn't dictate directly– I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face.

    Of course, if she felt she needed to giggle on the job, she should pick up her last paycheck and go!

  7. Waldo*

    I love 'em. This reads like a boss' version of "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

    While growing up when complaining about something being unfair, my dad would say to me "My House, My Rules"

  8. Anonymous*

    Wow… someone who had the gall to ask his employees to actually work! I bet ole Tiger Mike would have gotten more work done himself if he had employees that showed up for an eight hour day and worked rather than expecting to be paid when they weren't there, mismanaging their time by throwing parties, loitering in the halls and the kitchen, mismanaged company resources, was neglegent of the company equipment and funiture, and stole.

    The only thing funny is that people these days think they can be a negligent slacker and get paid.

    And people wonder why companies are outsourcing!

  9. Anonymous*

    Call me crazy but I love this guy and could work for him. Knowing exactly what's expected, (without bs or pc doublespeak), and knowing where you stand isn't a bad thing.

    1. Elaine*

      Me too! I think he’s great. I love knowing exactly what he wants, and he clearly cares about the company: The furniture, the carpet, the fact that there should be NO GOSSIP (my favorite memo), etc. Sounds like a hard ass, but a pretty fair one (except for the unwashed hippies part, ha ha!).

      But sadly, that was part of the times. And all the references to the Army!! Ha, if he saw the Army these days, he’d be writing some memos…(I’m a part of it, so I can poke fun).

  10. Rob*

    I think this is great. He is obviously over the top (almost a caricature) but honestly I would almost be happy to have someone that was this direct and I knew what was expected.

    If I have to listen to one more "directive" that contradicts the last "directive" I may go insane. I don't think this guy had that problem.

  11. Franny*

    For what it's worth, when this ran in the Houston papers a couple of months ago, many ex-employees remembered him quite fondly. No one had a bad thing to say about the guy. He may have been pugilistic and over the top, but he was actually quite progressive for Houston at the time. (Employing women at a fair wage, free lunch from a very fancy grocery store/deli every day, allowing flex time, for instance.) His communication style just doesn't fit our current work culture at all.

  12. Sarah*

    Franny's right. This communication style wouldn't fit today's work culture because many people no longer have mature work ethics.

    Who knows how many times this owner asked his employees politely to do things? We'll never know how many times his gave a dignified talk that went ignored.

    I agree with Rob, and both Annons (6:57 & 9:54) who think it would be better to work for someone who was direct, told me exactly what was and wasn't expected of me. No guess work!

    I have to agree with some of his requests, particularly the one about birthdays. It seems everytime I turn around we are wasting time here celebrating something. I don't mind the birthdays, but bridal and baby showers should be given outside of the office.

  13. anon-2*

    In my first job, we had an operations manager who used to issue a**-chewing memos once a week. They were pretty similar to these, although not as harsh.

    We tuned them out when we learned that he had a book of “memos for every occasion” — and, it became laughable every year when the same memos came around a second time.

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