what should I wear to an office pool party?

by Alison Green on July 7, 2015

A reader writes:

I work in a team of mostly men and a few women. We’ve been invited to the boss’ home for a barbecue, which includes team activities, bbq, and a pool (!) The boss was clear that we should bring our swimsuits. Being one of the only women (and one of two who are under 40), I make sure that I dress professionally at work. I’m concerned if I do bring my swimsuit that despite the casual and pool party context, I will still be viewed differently when everyone see me more exposed. Also – I tend to look terrible in one pieces and my swimsuit wardrobe consists of all bikinis (with coverups that I can keep on until the last minute) – do I need to invest in a more conservative swimsuit or can I just wear what I own?

Finally, is there a valid excuse I can use to not bring my swimwear at all? I don’t want to look like a downer, nor be the only person who isn’t in the pool. I know everyone will be in their swimwear, which is a great equalizer, but still, it’s weird territory.

I think lots of people won’t be in swimsuits, especially if you have people older than 30 there. You should be fine in a tank top and a skirt, or a t-shirt and shorts, or any other outfit suitable for a BBQ that didn’t involve swimming.

I think it’s highly unlikely that anyone will give you crap for not swimming — again, because it’s unlikely that you’ll be the only person not in the pool, but also because pressuring a coworker to disrobe is hard to do without sounding lecherous. But if for some reason someone does, you can say you forgot to bring a swimsuit, couldn’t find yours when you were leaving for the party, sunburn horribly, wanted to focus on eating as much BBQ as possible, don’t want to put everyone else to shame, or pretty much any other excuse that comes to mind.

(If you did really want to swim — which it sounds like isn’t the case — I’d avoid bikinis and go with something like a tankini or one-piece — something that’s cut as unlike underwear as possible.)

Read an update to this letter here.

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how to delegate when you desperately don’t want to let go

by Alison Green on July 7, 2015

If you’re a manager, there’s a high chance that you struggle to delegate and have trouble letting go, especially when it comes to work that you enjoy doing or aren’t sure you trust others to do as well as you.

But you know you’ve got to ease up on the reins to get your other priorities done. How can you delegate when you’re so hesitant to let go?

First, think about why you don’t want to let go. Is it because you don’t trust your team to do the work as well as you would? Or maybe you enjoy doing the work yourself and don’t relish the thought of giving it up. Or maybe you’d like to delegate it in theory but you don’t know where you’ll find the time to train someone to do it well enough.

Once you’re clear on your worries, figure out what it would take for you to be comfortable letting go. A better trained person? The opportunity to review the work before it’s finalized? A detailed conversation with your staff member before the work gets underway, and a checkpoint mid-way through? A commitment to setting aside an afternoon to train someone?

Think, too, about what your role is and what your biggest priorities are. Where is it most important for you to spend your time? Assuming you can’t do everything yourself, you’ll need to delegate some things – and while it sounds obvious, reminding yourself of this can help nudge you to loosen the reins when you’ve got a white-knuckled grip on them. After all, the whole point of having a staff is to get more accomplished because of them – but if you won’t let them take on meaningful pieces of work, you’re forfeiting the power of having a team of people working with you.

From there, if you’re still resisting, try baby steps. That could mean pulling someone into shadow you as an initial step toward letting them take over the work themselves, or delegating a piece of the work but not the whole and seeing how that goes (and then delegating more or all of it if the first piece goes well). For example, if you’re hoping to delegate the writing of your customer newsletter but feel nervous about letting go, you might ask your staff member simply to do an initial draft of the next one, before you commit to fully transitioning the project. You can then see how that goes and move more of the responsibility over as your staff member shows she’s able to handle it.

One more key to loosening the reins: It’s a lot easier to delegate work if you have a strong system set up for managing it, so that you know that you’ll have the chance for input and opportunities to spot any problems. That means that you should be checking in regularly with your staff as work unfolds, giving feedback, and asking questions. Delegating doesn’t mean throwing a project at someone and disappearing – you should stay involved to provide guidance and oversight (with the amount depending on the skills and experience of the person you’ve delegated to).

I originally published this at Intuit QuickBase’s blog.

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how should I ask candidates their salary expectations?

by Alison Green on July 7, 2015

A reader writes:

I work in HR and am somewhat new to the field, with less than 3 years experience. Part of my job is managing recruitment at my company. When I receive a promising resume, I will email the candidate to arrange a phone interview. In that first email, I ask, “What are your salary expectations?” If the person replies, “I am looking for salary between $X-Y” but I know the position pays (usually quite a bit) lower than that, I will advise the applicant that their expectations are higher than what the position pays and ask if they are still interested in the phone interview. Sometimes they are, sometimes they’re not.

I have read some of your posts and it seems many job-hunters are uncomfortable with revealing their salary expectations so soon in the recruitment process. So my question to you and your readers is, what is the best, most professional way to ask a candidate’s salary expectations? If you applied for a position and were asked for salary expectations, how would you respond?

Before you answer, I think it’s important to provide some context. First, most of the positions I recruit for would be considered entry-level, requiring only 1-2 years experience. Secondly, when I recruit for these positions, I always get quite a few who applicants, who, judging by their previous positions, likely earned a much higher salary, for example, a former director of regional sales applying for an obviously entry-level administrative position. I don’t want to get their hopes up or waste their time. Thirdly, my company does not like including salaries in job advertisements.

Rather than putting the burden on the candidate to tell you their salary expectations — at a point where they know very little about the job or the details of the benefits — why not just be straight with them and tell them the salary range you’re planning to pay? After all, that’s information you do have, as contrasted to their position of having really limited information at this stage. Say something like this: “I want to let you know that the salary for this position is $X-Y. If that works on your end, I’d like to set up a phone interview to talk more.”

Too often employers operate as if candidates have one salary that they’re seeking, regardless of the responsibilities and pressures of the job, the hours, or the benefits. But salary expectations should be significantly dependent on those things, and candidates really aren’t in a good position to throw out a salary number until they’ve had a chance to talk with you and get a much deeper understanding of those factors. By asking them to propose a number early on, before they have that information, you’re denying them the ability to name a salary that they’ll actually be comfortable with — which can result in unhappy employees who don’t stick around long, feel valued, or put in the extra mile.

(I do realize that you could argue that there’s a similar effect when the employer names a number first and the candidate agrees to proceed, but it’s just unfair to put the burden of coming up with a number on the candidate who has almost no context about the job, when the employer already knows what they’re willing to pay and is just being coy about it.)

So just tell them. “The salary range is $X. Does it make sense to keep talking?”

If your company absolutely won’t let you do that (although this is a different thing than their refusal to put the salary in the ad), then the next best approach would be to say: “Can you give me a sense of the salary range you’re seeking, with the understanding that that may change as you learn more about the job?”

But I’d rather you just give them your range.

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I don’t want my manager to ride in my car when he’s sick, employees deliberately working slowly, and more

by Alison Green on July 7, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I don’t want my manager to ride in my car when he’s sick

I work remotely from home as an outside sales representative and my manager requires me to take him on sales calls for a full day every 1-2 weeks.

My manager chronically has colds or the flu. After the past 2 times I have spent a day with him coughing and sneezing in my car, I have gotten sick.

Last week, we were on a conference call and he mentioned that he had a cold the day before he was scheduled to ride with me. I told him it was okay with me to reschedule for when he wasn’t sick. He said, “No, that’s okay.” I asked him if he was contagious and he then said that he has allergies and he doesn’t think that was contagious. He coughed and sneezed all day, and about a day later I had a cold.

This guy clearly has no regard for anyone but himself. Is there anything I can say or do while I’m in this situation to help protect my health? I’ve considered finding some masks to wear over my face while I’m driving.

With a reasonable boss, you should be able to just be direct and say something like this: “The last few times we’ve ridden together when you had a cold, I’ve ended up getting sick. It seems like I’m weirdly susceptible to your colds! Can we reschedule for a time when you’re not under the weather?” And if he pushes back and tells you he’s not contagious, you should be able to say this: “I can’t get sick right now, so I’d hate to risk it — maybe we could take separate cars or just wait a few days to see if you’re feeling better?”

If your boss is unreasonable, all bets are off, although you could still try it and see what happens.

Also, you could try being proactive about scheduling these ride-alongs when you notice that he’s not sick — you might as well take advantage of the days that he’s not coughing and sneezing and get the joint sales calls done then.

2. Employees who deliberately work slowly in order to get more paid more

I’m currently in a shift-managing position for a restaurant and having a problem with my closing employees working slowly on purpose or having no motivation to leave on time so that they can get paid longer. I am unsure how to handle this. I’ve attempted sending these employees home, but it only gets the others upset because they have to stay longer to finish the work. This problem is magnified when more than one of these employees work together because I can’t send them all home and have the work done in time. My boss is pressuring me to get them out on time even after bringing up this issue to him. What can I do?

“I need you to work more quickly. Normally I’d expect you to finish all closing duties in (X amount of time). I need to see you meeting that standard in order to keep you on. Do you need any support from me in doing that, or can you strive for that going forward?”

And then stick to it, just like any other performance expectation — meaning that you need to be prepared to fire people who aren’t meeting reasonable standards if they don’t improve after you warn them.

3. Am I overreacting to my boss yelling at me?

I have 33 years experience working in law firms, and I have never been reduced to tears by an attorney throughout my entire career, until now. It’s a small law firm, two attorneys: one partner and sole shareholder, one associate, and one part-time “of counsel” who had lost his assistant and I volunteered to work for him too. However, I bit off more than I could chew and realized it was a mistake to take on that responsibility.

I decided to discuss my workload with my boss and get his opinion on what I should do. We met and I informed the boss that the “of counsel” attorney needs to find another part-time legal assistant because I am too busy with my boss’s work to continue working for the of counsel. I barely finished my sentence when my boss screamed at me, “You think? I knew it wasn’t going to work from the beginning. You need to decide if you want to work for him or for me. I don’t care which you choose, doesn’t matter to me, but choose. I really don’t care if you work for me or not. You f-d up taking him on (I did it with the boss’s permission) and now you need to choose who you want to work for. I really don’t care if you’re here or not.” He ended his tirade by saying, “Let me know what you decide and I can get you replaced.”

His reaction shocked me and left me dumbfounded. The other attorney in the office heard everything and when I left my boss’s office, he said “that was brutal” and it was. I went to the ladies room and cried.

The next day, he called me into his office and said, “I was in a very bad mood yesterday, as we all get sometimes.” No apology, no ownership of his bad behavior, just “I was in a very bad mood.” The only time he has ever been nice to me was during my interview; he is dismissive, critical of my work, never balances the criticism with anything positive, etc. To be fair, my boss is an asshole but I never took it personally because he is an asshole to everyone. But I have never been spoken to like that in my entire 33 years of supporting attorneys. At that point, I lost all respect for him.

The day it happened, I sent my resume out before I left work. I do not want to work for someone who belittles anyone, especially me. Did I mention I took a $20,000 a year cut in pay to come to work here? It was difficult finding a legal job in our region and I desperately needed a job, so I took whatever offer was given to me. Am I overreacting?

Nope, he’s an asshole, and he was out of line to yell at you and berate you. It’s reasonable to decide that you’re not interested in working for someone who talks to you that way. (But find another job before you quit.)

4. Asking about benefits in a cover letter

Is it ever appropriate to ask about benefits/salary when submitting a cover letter and resume through email?

Specifically, a nonprofit is accepting resumes for people interested in working there. However, this was not a job posting, but rather something I saw while perusing their brochure. In it, they mention a few of the benefits but nothing in detail. So would it be okay to ask for more information in the body of the email?

No. If you’re invited to interview and get to the later stages of their hiring process, it would be appropriate to ask at that point (although even then, I’d recommend waiting until you have an offer unless there’s a specific reason you need to know earlier). But it doesn’t belong in a cover letter, since at that point mutual interest hasn’t been established and they’re unlikely to spend time answering benefit questions from applicants who may not even end up getting interviewed.

5. Filing a claim for overtime with an employer from 30 years ago

I just found that I have grounds to sue an employer of 30 years ago for a labor law infraction related to overtime abuse. (They had us working 12-hour shifts from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m., and paid us straight time, claiming we weren’t working more than 8 consecutive hours in a single day. Instead, we were “working 4 hours at night, then 8 hours the next morning.”) I don’t remember the name of the company, just that they were a guard company in Los Angeles. Where can I get a list of my employers from 30 years ago?

The only way I can think of that you could get such a list is from the Social Security Administration, since your Social Security record lists all your previous employers and income earned through them.

However, you’re outside the statute of limitations on back pay. Federal law requires you to file back pay claims for overtime within two years, and California requires it within three years. So in this case there’s nothing to be gained by tracking them down.

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an online job application rejected me before I even finished filling it out

by Alison Green on July 6, 2015

A reader writes:

I just finished filling out a job application online. I hadn’t updated my resume yet, so I clicked on “save and go to next page.” I answered every question and I can assure you that I am highly qualified. But as soon as I clicked on the “finish and save” button, the site generated a message saying they would not hire me. Why? Can you help me on this one?

This happens when an application system is programmed to automatically reject people without a particular qualification. That could be anything — a particular degree, number of years of experience in the industry, willingness to relocate, who knows.

Sometimes this makes sense, like when it’s directly tied to a qualification that’s truly a requirement.

Other times, it’s a bad system — such as one that rejects people because they have a masters rather than a bachelors in the subject they’re looking for (this is really a thing that happens, which is ridiculous) or one that rejects people over things that aren’t true requirements and which a human could exercise better judgment on.

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how to save your summer internship from sucking

by Alison Green on July 6, 2015

With summer internships now in full swing, what should you do if your internship is starting to feel like a dud – if you’re bored, or doing different work than you were promised, or struggling to make ends meet on intern pay?

Here are five of the most common ways that internships go awry and what you can do if it happens to you.

1. Your internship is turning out to be mostly clerical tasks, when you were expecting more substantive work.

What do do: Some amount of clerical work is normal in most internships, and it’s not uncommon for interns to come in expecting to do more glamorous work than what they end up with. The reality is that many internships offer you the chance to get work experience and exposure to your field in exchange for what can be, yes, drudgery. After all, you haven’t proven yourself in the work world yet, but ideally if you excel at those boring tasks and do them cheerfully, you may be given more interesting work.

However, if you were promised types of projects that you aren’t getting, or if you’re just going stir-crazy from too much filing and coffee-fetching, talk with your manager. Say that you understand the need to do the work you’ve been doing, but that you also want to ensure that the summer is a learning experience for you, and that you’re hoping for the opportunity for exposure to more substantive work as well. (And if you discussed specific projects during the hiring process, now is the time to mention those.) Ask if it’s possible to carve out time to learn about and contribute to other projects your team is working on.

2. You’re not getting enough assignments, and you’re bored.

What to do: Talk to your manager. Tell her that you have a lot of down time and ask what additional projects you can take on to keep you busy. Some managers take on interns without considering the time investment they’ll need to make in generating and overseeing projects for them, and you might have one of those, so ask whether there are longer-term projects you can take on that will keep you busy for a good chunk of time and won’t require you to keep checking back for additional work.

You can also ask if you can offer to help others in the office when you have down time–if you get permission to do that, you might find that others are happy to fill up your plate when your manager won’t.

3. You’re not getting much feedback or guidance on your work.

What to do: Be clear about what you need! When you’re given an assignment that’s unclear, ask questions. For example, you could ask if there are samples of similar work that has been done in the past that you could look at, or for a clear description of what a successful end product would look like.

You could also consider having a big-picture conversation with your boss and explain that you’re not always sure how to tackle your assignments. You could suggest having a weekly check-in meeting so that you have a set time to talk about what you’re working on, ask questions, and get feedback.

4. You’re not included in meetings and discussions around the office and wish you could be part of them.

What to do: In order to keep meetings short and focused, managers will often try to keep meeting participants to a low number, often including only those with a deeper background in the issues being discussed or those with decision-making authority. So it isn’t always appropriate to include extra participants – but including observers is another thing. Try framing your request as a desire to sit in and observe, rather than as a participant. For example, you could say, “Would it be possible for me to observe some of the website strategy meetings? I’d love to sit in to get more exposure to that work, just as an observer.”

5. You receive an internship stipend but it’s not even covering your travel to and from work.

What to do: It’s not unreasonable to ask for some assistance with expenses. It may or may not be in your team’s budget to cover it, but it’s not outrageous to inquire about it. Try saying something like this: “I’m finding that my stipend isn’t fully covering my expenses getting to and from work each day. Would it be possible to get some assistance with those expenses so that I don’t lose money by coming to work?”

(One caveat here: It’s always better to negotiate this kind of thing before you accept an internship offer. It’s usually harder – not impossible, but harder – to change the terms a job offer once you’ve already begun work.)

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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we made a job offer contingent on references — and the reference was bad

by Alison Green on July 6, 2015

A reader writes:

We have recently offered a new employee a job, with a job offer email that included the following line: “The position is permanent and will be subject to a 3-month probationary period and reference check.”

We made the offer contingent on references because one of his references was his current employer and he didn’t want us to approach them until he’d handed in his notice.

We have now had references back and the one from his current employer was really worrying, which has made us think that he is definitely not the person for the job. Can we retract the offer? Help!

This is a really tough situation, and it’s one of the reasons that offers contingent on a reference-check can be sticky. You’re asking someone to resign their job, while keeping open the possibility that you might yank the offer they’re accepting.

That means that you have a high responsibility here to not just immediately rescind the offer but to try to get more information.

So, first, look at it against what you know of him from the other references. Were the rest glowing and this the only bad one? If so, consider why that might be: Was this a very different type of work than his other jobs? Since it’s from his current employer, is it possible that they’re pissed off that he’s leaving? Or that they’re unreasonable people, which is why he’s leaving?

Of course, it’s also possible that the reference is completely objective and accurate, and even prohibitive to hiring him.

But you don’t know that yet, and you have to get more information.

Go back to him and say this: “As you know, our offer was contingent on a positive reference check. When we talked to your current manager, she raised some concerns for us about X and Y. Can you tell me anything about that?”

You might hear something that puts your mind at ease, at least when you balance it against the other references you talked to. For example, you might hear that it’s true that he didn’t excel at X and Y but he was told not to work on those projects this year and instead to focus on A and B. Or you might hear that everyone else was pleased with his work and he has written performance evaluations to back that up, but that the manager you spoke with came in a couple of months ago and had a very different vision for his work. Or, who knows. Regardless, the idea here is to give him a chance to tell you his side of the story and not take the word of one person (who you don’t know) as absolute gospel.

If you end up in a he-said/she-said situation and don’t know who to believe, ask him if he’s able to put you in touch with anyone else from his current job who can speak about his performance; he might be able to put you in touch with people who will back up what he’s saying. Or you can ask if he has copies of performance reviews for that job or anything else that might help you get a better understanding of the areas that are concerning you.

This is extra work, certainly, but because you made him a contingent job offer and he’s already accepted it and resigned from his old position, you owe it to him to give him the chance to respond and to weigh what you’re hearing as fairly as possible.

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fielding complaints from an employee’s husband, bringing gifts back from vacation for coworkers, and more

by Alison Green on July 6, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee’s husband emailed our boss to complain about his wife’s working conditions

This situation happened over a year ago, but I wonder what your take is on the situation.

Our corporate office manages several apartment complexes owned by The Boss in other cities, many in other states. One manager transferred from one complex to another when the manager position came open. Shortly thereafter, her husband emailed The Boss, complaining about how his wife is treated by the company. I found it odd that the husband complained and then also wrote that he had not told his wife about emailing The Boss. I believe The Boss emailed the husband back, although I have no clue what was written. Knowing The Boss, it was probably a defense or dismissal written in a tone of absolute authority without appeal. Nothing further was mentioned to me about it.

Should it (oddly) happen again, what would you do? What would you have done in the previous case?

Employers shouldn’t be discussing employment issues with employees’ spouses. So if the boss sent the husband a defense, that was inappropriate; he doesn’t owe the husband an explanation, defense, or dialogue, and it’s entirely possible that the wife wouldn’t appreciate her boss discussing her work matters with her husband, a non-employee.

If your boss told the husband in “a tone of absolute authority without appeal” that he doesn’t discuss employment issues with people’s spouses, that would be appropriate.

After doing that, then he should have shared the email with the wife — the actual employee — and asked whether there was anything they needed to discuss. It’s entirely possible that the employee doesn’t share her husband’s viewpoint, or that she does but has no interest in raising it at work, so the boss should give her the option of whether or not to discuss it.

2. Do I need to bring gifts for coworkers back from my vacation?

My first several jobs out of college were in a foreign country, where I developed my sense of workplace norms. (Things like, yes, you really do have to go if your boss “casually” mentions he’s going for after work karaoke and drinks.)

I’m back in my hometown in the U.S. now, and am taking my first real vacation at my new job. At any of my previous places, I’d be expected to bring back gifts: a relatively expensive bottle of sherry or other local specialty liquor for the boss, a scarf or something for the secretary, some kind of edible local specialty for the rest of the group. This isn’t done in the U.S., is it? I feel super weird about coming back from a two-week cruise empty handed, but would it be even weirder to show up to the next scrum meeting with a jar of Italian olives and a wedge of French cheese to share? I know I should have paid attention to what my colleagues did when they took their vacations, but I can’t even remember now.

It would be really nice to bring back food for people to share, but it’s definitely not expected. And bringing back individual gifts is not only not expected, but more likely to come across as a little weird in most offices, unless it’s something like a situation where your coworker obsessively collects mouse figurines and so you bring her a figurine of a mouse eating Camembert after your trip to France — in other words, unusual situations where you truly do look at an item and think “I can’t not get this for Lucinda.”

3. Staffing agency wants me to pay for my pre-employment testing

When I was looking for a job, I answered several job postings, which resulted in two employment agencies submitting my info for the same job. I had started and done all my pre-employment testing with one agency (a TB test, drug test, a skills comprehension test, and a fit test). Then I was told by the employer that since the other agency had entered my info first, I had to work under them. Now the agency that I did my testing with wants me to pay for it ($850). I never signed anything stating I would be financially responsible if I didn’t work with them. Am I responsible for these charges?

Hell no. If you didn’t sign anything, this is their own cost of doing business. Say this: “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but we didn’t have an agreement about me covering these costs if I ended up not working through you, so I won’t be paying for them.”

4. Should I include a cover letter even when a job posting doesn’t ask for one?

When a job posting does not ask for a cover letter, should you include one anyway?

I just applied to a job that only asked for a resume and three writing samples. I did not include a cover letter, though since the application was by email I did include a couple lines of introduction. I was under the impression that the work would speak for itself and that the employer wasn’t interested in reading separate cover letter documents. But now I am worried. Was this some sort of “guess what we’re thinking” test?

No, and if it was, you don’t want to work there. It’s fine to simply follow instructions. People who care about cover letters will ask for one.

That said, including one anyway — if it’s a great letter — can still help you with many employers. And it’s a standard enough part of applying for a job that including it as an extra shouldn’t hurt you — it’s not like including long, unsolicited writing samples or other things that are likely to spark a “why on earth are you sending me this?” reaction on the employer side. And in some cases, a good letter will help even when it’s unsolicited.

5. I offered to sell one of my scheduled days to a coworker

A coworker of mine came up to me and asked if he could work one of my days. I said, “Okay, but it will cost you $__ for you to work it,” instead of just trading a day of work. Was it wrong of me to ask for money?

Ethically, I suppose there’s nothing wrong with it since your coworker is free to decline the trade, although it feels a little like … well, like something you’re not supposed to make money off of, like charging a coworker to talk to your boss ahead of you or to get a better seat at a meeting. Regardless, I have to think that your employer wouldn’t be pleased to find out that people are selling their days on the schedule to other coworkers.

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weekend free-for-all – July 4-5, 2015

by Alison Green on July 4, 2015
the third foster kitten is seen at last!

the third foster kitten is seen at last!

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. (This one is truly no work and no school. If you have a work question, you can email it to me or post it in the work-related open thread on Fridays.)

grey whiteBook Recommendation of the Week: I’m a Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America After 20 Years Away. Brilliant and funny Bill Bryson tries to get reacquainted with America after living in England for 20 years.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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companies that lie about salary, controversial issues on your resume, and more

by Alison Green on July 4, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can I avoid companies lying about salary and location?

I was working for a nonprofit and my direct supervisor left. Several months later, he contacted me and asked if I would be willing to interview at his new place of employment. We had gotten on fairly well at job #1, so I did and I was offered a position. At the same time, I was also offered a job at a third company.

I told my former manager that Company #3 had offered me a certain pay level ($6,000 more a year than company #1 was currently paying me) plus a $2,000 sign-on bonus.

He told me that his new employer could meet the salary but only provide a $1,000 sign-on bonus. I accepted because the hours were better and it was closer (VERY close) to my home.

However, the pay is actually $2,000 less per year than I had been earning at company #1, and the sign-on bonus was explained away as “a joke.” Additionally, now they want me transfer me to a site over an hour away in a different county, in the middle of a snow belt. During winter, I would be commuting both ways in the dark and my night vision is not good. I feel cheated and taken advantage of, and am quickly becoming very unhappy and resentful. I am seeking another position. Going forward, is there any way to avoid this type of situation with future employers?

Yes — get job offers in writing, along with any other commitments that you care about. Absent a contract (which most U.S. workers don’t have), employers can still decide to change the terms of your employment (although not retroactively) or your location, but getting the basic terms in writing will ensure that you’re in agreement about pay and that promises aren’t later going to be called “jokes.” That’s horrible.

2. Should I remove any mention of a controversial issue from my resume?

I want to preface this by saying I have no interest in inciting some kind of debate about the appropriateness of the political issue involved, but I have run out of people to ask about this.

I’m searching for a position more in line with the field I am pursuing a masters in (public health). I have a resume question regarding my volunteer work with an organization that has a political agenda regarding reproductive health options, including abortion. The work that I do with this group is purely awareness-related, and the organization also supports initiatives and health clinics that promote proper prenatal care, safe sex practices, and testing for sexually-transmitted infections, in addition to their attention to abortion access. I have this contribution worded neutrally on my resume, and have asked several people about their opinion of how it’s worded. Everyone I have asked has said it is worded in a professional manner that doesn’t sound as if I am trying to face off with the world on this issue, but agree that its very presence on my resume may turn off employers who are reading my information.

I do support increased access to reproductive health options as a public health issue, but I know that if I really want a better job, this is not the hill to die on even though it is important to me. Despite the fact that I take pride in being involved in this volunteer program and have learned skills from it, I think I need to try taking it off my resume. The only other problem that I have with taking this off is that it will appear as if my volunteer work screeched to a halt when I graduated from undergrad a little over two years ago, which is a sticking point with me because my job is only slightly related to public health and my volunteer work has always been more relevant experience. What should I do here? I’m so desperate for a job that engages me in the field I love, and I don’t want to turn any employers off with the only chance I might get at an impression.

Well, I say this as someone who has marijuana policy and animal rights work on my resume, but I think that you’re being more cautious than you need to. Especially in public health, I just don’t think this is going to be a huge sticking point for the majority of employers. (Are the people who are telling you to take it off hiring managers in your field? I’m betting not. I’ve noticed people who aren’t actually hiring tend to think this kind of thing is far more of an issue than it actually is.)

The work experience will help far more than it will hurt you.

Read an update to this letter here.

3. I’m being undermined in my family business

Through some light internet digging, I landed on your article from 2012 about how to be more authoritative at work, and I wish I had read it back then. Without going into great detail, what happens when the workplace is a family business and no matter how many routes you take to gain authority, you are constantly being undermined by the owner and general manager and even through conversation to the owner, aka your father, he still makes all of the major decisions with the general manager at the workplace when initially you were brought in as a management role? It’s become an uphill battle that I’m constantly losing and my self worth/esteem has taken a huge hit.

Thanks for taking the time to look over my question and I hope you can provide a different perspective that will bring back my motivation for the job that was once a career.

Get out. Family businesses can sometimes work, but when they’re dysfunctional, they’re really dysfunctional. Go work somewhere without family members; you will be happier.

4. Should I send my thank-you note by LinkedIn?

I just had an interview that I’m thinking went pretty well. The interviewer said to me twice that he could see why I got this far in the recruitment process. Of course, I know I don’t have a job offer until I have a job offer.

Unfortunately, he did not give me his name card during the interview. I found his profile page on about.me and he has a LinkedIn page as well. Would it be too stalker-ish to send him a thank-you note via about.me or LinkedIn?

I also feel like I could have answered one of his questions better to show my skills, but I am not sure how to word it properly in my email without sounding desperate. Basically the question was “how do you address issue ABC?” I mentioned that this issue requires a lot support from the management team and my supervisor works closely with management. I also elaborated on why management support is important and talked about the contrast I have seen with this issue, with and without management support. He said my answer made sense, but I now realize I should have highlighted my own involvement in this. Should I mention this in my email if I do contact him?

If you absolutely can’t figure out his work email address, go ahead and send it via LinkedIn. Include a mention that you realized you didn’t have his email but wanted to reach out to him, so that he understands why you’re contacting him there.

That said, it’s not ideal; not everyone looks at their LinkedIn messages regularly and there’s more chance of it being overlooked there. Direct email is better if you can guess it (which is often pretty straightforward if you’ve seen other email addresses at the company, since they usually follow the same structure).

You could certainly elaborate on your answer to the question you mentioned when you email him. I’d say something like, “I thought a bit more about your question about ABC and realized I didn’t touch on my own efforts in that area.” (Followed by whatever details you wanted to share.) Keep it short, but it’s a reasonable thing to mention.

5. Required to read a book before a staff retreat

I’m a non-exempt employee. My boss has instructed us to read a specific book before an upcoming staff retreat. Can he require us to read the book outside of work hours? If I wanted to read it outside of work, is that a problem from a legal/overtime standpoint?

You can indeed be required to read it outside of work hours, but as a non-exempt employee, you’d need to be paid for that time (including overtime, if it puts you over 40 hours that week).

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