Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can I tell my boss to stop commenting on my food and my weight?

I recently got a new job, in a new city (many many thanks to your blog!). I work for a small non-profit and I love what I do. My boss is a theater transplant, and when I first started working, she was losing weight for a role she was playing. There were a few comments about how she was trying to avoid carbs throughout the week, but it didn’t really faze me.

Recently I have lost a bit of weight. I was never fat, but it’s slightly noticeable. She has made several comments about how I’m so skinny and how she wishes she could diet like me. Really all I have done is started running again, because my schedule finally affords it. We ran into each other one morning while I had a coffee in one hand and a brownie in the other, and it was “Look at you and your diet!”

Long ago I had some serious body issues; I was an awkward girl in ballet and never really felt comfortable in my skin until a few years ago. These comments, whether about my weight or diet, have really started to affect me. I’m tracking my weight and I’m constantly thinking about how to cut calories. Luckily, I can recognize the slippery slope I’m headed towards, but I don’t know how to address it with her. I’m uncomfortable going directly to her, but our office is so small, we have no HR person and the next higher up is our executive director.

How do I go about asking her to please keep comments about my weight to herself without admitting to serious problems in my past AND keeping our relationship professional? Our one office space is entirely women, and it is becoming apparent that it is a frequent conversation.

“I’m trying very hard not to let myself think about diet and weight too much, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t comment on my weight or my food. Thanks for understanding!”

People. Grrrr.

2. My coworkers are reacting badly to my wardrobe upgrade

I work for a large company in research in the Detroit metro area that will remain nameless. They make things with 4 wheels. My question is regarding work attire. I just lost 30 pounds, and thought I would upgrade my wardrobe. Most of the stuff that I see at work are jeans and polos/ oxford, or some khakis/ oxford, my coworker wears jeans and a t-shirt, etc. What I used to wear were corduroys and polos untucked – because of the weight. In my opinion, the attire at work would probably be considered one step below business casual.

Now, I’m wearing chinos and a nicer slim fit shirt (the shirt is from banana republic – so it’s not like it’s ultra high end) because I now can wear tucked shirts. When I say nicer, I mean this or this with sleeves rolled up. So with respect to my coworkers (engineers and scientists) it does stand out – per my description above. In fact, I knew it would look sharper. Also, since I didn’t have any real summer wear, my transition was rather abrupt. To be honest, I’m also very proud of my weight loss (not that I was ever fat but closer to my athletic 20’s).

I’m 43 and single and thought I’d sharpen up my look – but people are not liking it. I just won a technical achievement award and was rated top achiever at work. I’m thinking they’re thinking that it’s gone to my head and further it’s the “nail that sticks out gets hammered” and “when in Rome…” Or perhaps, they think I’m overdoing it and trying too hard to attract people. I’ll admit I’m very confident – I do give off that vibe. Also, I’m quiet and to others it appears as standoffish. The quiet and standoffish appearance is because I’m shy and truly I yearn for contact with others – my sister said I’m sweet. Most likely, I’m pushing people away. Because of the abrupt transition, people aren’t even looking at me. My boss really doesn’t like it – he’s getting harsher. Further, it doesn’t help that I’m very self-conscious.

Okay, I know the answer would be “you shouldn’t have done it in the first place or should have transitioned slowly. This is all caused by not fitting in. Looking sharper will have to be very subtle.” I guess what I really need now is damage control and would like to know if this will blow over and it will not damage my career.

Well, no, I actually think your coworkers’ reaction is super weird. You’re allowed to upgrade your wardrobe. You’re not required to do it gradually. (And the shirts you linked to are pretty casual anyway!) This is normally not the sort of thing that bugs people. You either have an incredibly bizarre team, or something else is going on. As for what that something else could be — could it be less about the clothes and more about something else that happened around the same time as the clothes? Or is it possible that your self-consciousness is making you think there’s a reaction when there isn’t one?

(Speaking of self-consciousness, I’m so confused by your description of yourself; very confident and very self-conscious don’t usually go together. So I’m intrigued and somewhat confused by the entire thing.)

3. Following up on a promised raise

I worked as a pharmacist assistant in high school (part-time during school and full-time in the summer) for about a year and a half, then had to move to another city for university. Then, after first year, I came back to the same place for the summer, and when discussing the paperwork, my manager told me that he would adjust my rate, which I wasn’t expecting at all. I was happy, who wouldn’t be? But I got my first pay cheque today and the rate is the same as what I had in high school.

Although I’m not working for money (it’s more for experience), ever since my manager told me that he’d adjust my rate, I was expecting a raise, so now I’m disappointed. How should I approach my manager? I’m even starting to feel like I don’t deserve a raise…

“Hey Fergus, you had mentioned that you were increasing my pay rate this summer. I just got my first check and don’t see the increase on there. Is there something we need to do to make it go through?”

Assume it was an oversight and go from there.

4. How to list an internship-turned-contract-job on a resume

A few years ago, I applied to a remote internship for an indie book publisher. Long story short: I got the internship and, after a year, became a paid contractor for them. I was in college at the time and it was a nice position. I enjoyed the work and the pay wasn’t bad. However, I’ve since graduated and I need a salaried position.

How should I deal with this position on my resume and if I’m asked about it in an interview? How should I handle applications that require end dates of former employers? Or should I just not list this position there because I was not an employee? The only other jobs I’ve held are part-time university positions, none of which I had over six months. In other words, probably not very impressive. I don’t want to leave it off my resume, because it’s given me a lot of experience with managing deadlines, working for multiple bosses, and requires great attention to detail. However, I don’t intend on leaving this company as the schedule comes with a great deal of flexibility and I don’t foresee any interference with a full-time job. If that turns out not to be true, I am prepared to quit but I feel a great deal of loyalty towards this company.

There’s no reason not to list it just because it was part internship/part contractor. Internships and contract work both belong on resumes and job applications.
List it this way, on both your resume and applications:

Targaryen Publishing
Editor (contract) — October 2013 – present
Intern — September 2012 – October 2013

5. Paid and unpaid days off

My employer has recently been giving us Fridays off as an unpaid day off. Their reasoning is building maintenance and low sales days. However, they are taking us to a baseball game, not on a Friday, as a paid day off, with the game admission and food paid for. I want to know if they are able to do this. As far as I am aware, I am a non-exempt, hourly associate. We were salaried until about two months ago, but were changed to hourly. They did not have us sign any new documents concerning our shorter work week or change in pay structure. Are they liable for continuing to pay us for closing the office when it is not due to something unpredictable like a fire or weather? If it helps, we are a California company.

Yes, they can do that. If you’re non-exempt, you only need to be paid for actual hours you worked, so they don’t need to pay you for the Fridays you’re not working. The fact that they’re giving you a separate paid day off to go to a baseball game doesn’t change that. (They can offer you a perk, which is what this is, without it obligating them to pay you for other days you don’t work.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Board member keeps bringing her kids to meetings

I am working with a group of parents who are organizing a charter school. The school opens in September, so we are in the middle of dozens of different projects. As the board president, I never bring my son to board meetings, as I need to focus on the agenda. One other board member, who is also a friend, frequently brings her children to board meetings. They are 6 and 7 years old and are frequently loud and disruptive during these meetings.

This parent is on the orientation committee for the school principal, who starts working next week. Today she told me that she will be bringing her kids to the orientation meeting. The meeting will include reviewing the employee handbook, explaining policies and procedures, and reviewing the employee’s work plan. It will be a long and intensive meeting. Because our site is undergoing refurbishment, we have no choice but to meet in a coffee shop at a private table.

Keeping in mind that this person is also a friend, and is also quite sensitive, how do I tell the parent that it is inappropriate to bring her children to this meeting?

“Unfortunately we can’t accommodate kids at this meeting; it’s going to be long and intensive and we’re really going to need everyone focused, and having to do it in a coffee shop is already going to make that challenging.”

That’s a completely reasonable thing to say, and you shouldn’t let her being sensitive deter you from saying it.

I’d also think about whether you want to take on the broader pattern of her bringing her kids to other meetings too. Do you want to allow kids to accompany parents to these meetings? Are you willing to allow it only if they’re quiet and not disruptive? Only in rare emergencies? Not at all? I don’t know what your preference is, but if you do want her to start handling this differently, tell her! It would be totally reasonable to say, “Imogen and Falcon are great kids, but it’s turning out to be distracting to have them at meetings. Can you make other arrangements?”

However, I would brace yourself to hear that she can’t attend at all if she can’t bring them and decide ahead of time how you’d want to respond to that. Are her contributions worth the price of the distraction of the kids? Are they worth having other attendees annoyed that they presumably arranged child care and she didn’t? Her contributions very well may be significant enough that they trump those concerns, but I’d think it through beforehand so you’re prepared if that’s where the conversation goes.

2. Responding to an unofficial salary offer

I am currently a candidate for a job with a state government agency. I interviewed 2 months ago, and since then, have just been waiting for bureaucracy to grind along. The supervisor for the position just called me to say that she is not yet authorized to make an offer, but she wanted to unofficially float the salary past me to find out if I was still interested before she sunk in time (possibly multiple weeks) pursuing approval to possibly make me an offer. The salary is at the low end of the published range, and is much lower than I am currently making, although the cost of living difference would make it fairly comparable.

I asked for some time to think about it, but I am troubled. If I say that I would consider taking that amount, am I ruining my chances for negotiation when the offer actually comes? If I say I wouldn’t take that amount, I think I will be out of the running completely without her being able to check with HR to make sure that they couldn’t meet my counter. Do you have any thoughts about this situation?

I’d say, “That’s lower than I was anticipating, so I’d need to give it some thought. I was hoping for something in the $X range — is that possible?”

Basically, you’re starting to negotiate now and talking about what salary you’re looking for, without saying you absolutely wouldn’t accept the first number.

3. Finding a job after multi-level-marketing sales

One of my friends got heavily involved in selling a multi-level marketing (MLM) product (Beachbody/Shakeology). She quit her job to be a “coach” and described herself as an entrepreneur and small business owner – neither of which was even close to true but she swallowed the company line, hook and sinker. Anyway, she was successful for a time but ultimately realized that the company/business was not what it was cracked up to be and she started to get suspicious about the business model.

Now she wants to return to the workforce, especially since her revenue is diminishing. How can she re-enter the workforce and characterize her time spent involved in an MLM? I was thinking something like “independent sales consultant” but even listing the company name might be a red flag (like with the University of Phoenix discussion).

Any advice for her? Also, any words of wisdom for people thinking of getting involved in an MLM? We tried to warn her, but so many of her friends were involved. And I’m seeing more and more people I know getting involved in these things.

All she can really do it is own it — list it, and list the achievements she had while doing that work. If she was good at it, she should be able to demonstrate sales, marketing, and/or customer service skills. Most employers will be more interested in those things than in the product she was representing. (But she shouldn’t oversell what she did either; it should be straightforward, not inflated. That means that she should not list herself as an entrepreneur or small business owner, but rather as a salesperson.)

Which isn’t to say that no one will raise their eyes at the MLM aspect of it; some people will. But I think it’ll matter less than you’re worried it will. It’s far more annoying to her friends than to an employer, as long as she’s not still pitching the products when she’s talking with/working with them.

4. Interviewer asked if I’d be willing to work unpaid overtime

At a recent second interview for a database analyst position, the interviewer stated, “This is a contract position – no benefits,” then asked “How do you feel about doing unpaid overtime?” with a clear verbal intonation suggesting the “right” answer. The interviewer was unable/unwilling to state how many overtime hours, how often overtime is required, or offer any other relevant details on which to make an informed decision.

Is there a way to answer this without being immediately dismissed from consideration? Can one negotiate how many “standard” vs. “overtime” hours one is willing to work? Is this even legal to ask? I know the tech industry is exempt from overtime rules but still…

If it’s an exempt position, they’re not required to pay overtime, and thus there’s nothing illegal about asking, essentially, “are you willing to work long hours?” On the other hand, if the position is non-exempt (and there are non-exempt tech positions; I don’t know if this was one of them or not), asking someone to work unpaid overtime is announcing you plan to break the law.

I’d respond by asking, “Can you give me a sense of how many hours people in this position work in an average week?” If the person refused to answer — which I think is what you’re saying happened here — I’d take that as a massive red flag. It’s basically an announcement that they’re going to wildly overwork you and not even do you the courtesy of having an honest conversation with you about what your work life would be like there.

You asked how to answer without being dismissed from consideration, but there’s no reason to want to stay in the running at that point. Remember you’re supposed to be interviewing them right back and deciding if you even want the job, not just waiting to be chosen.

5. I feel insulted by this email from an employer

I am currently a VP of IT in a small business that is part of global public business for last 14 years and previously I have been in a director position for larger companies and had more than 20 direct reports. About a month ago, I was interviewed for a director-level position for a big company. Today I received an email from their recruiting partner, saying the following:

“I wanted to follow up with you and let you know where we are with our search. I realize there has been a long delay so my apologies. As of now, we have interviewed two candidates for the position on-site – you and another candidate. The overall assessment from the interviews was that both you and the other candidate may be a fit for Sr. Manager level, but not Director at this time. Part of this has to do with comparisons to other Sr. Managers in the organization. We are in the process of trying to determine whether the position can be filled at the Sr. Manager level or not. I will do my best to keep you posted, but that is where we are as of now.”

I am wonder if I should even answer this email or not. If yes, what should I say in my email? That is somehow an insult to me, telling me I am good for a lower level position, while I have been interviewed by seven VPs and directors there and noticed they are not that good. That is why they have 400 tickets open for just customer service issues.

Yes, you should answer the email. I’d say something like “Thanks so much for the update; I appreciate knowing where things are, and I’ll look forward to hearing back from you once things are moving forward.”

I don’t read their email as insulting. They’re being honest about where they are in their deliberations; most candidates would love to get that kind of transparency from employers. And it’s not insulting that they think you’re a better fit for manager than director; they just have a different structure than what you’ve experienced in the past. But you can certainly ask questions to get a better understanding of their thinking if they do end up asking you to move forward.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker brought in this own coffee maker and is charging people for coffee

We have a colleague in our office who has bought in his own personal coffee machine from home to use at work to make coffees for himself and other colleagues in the office and is charging them £1:50 per drink! Is he allowed to do this?!

He is, unless the rules of your particular office forbid it.

I don’t really see anything terribly wrong with it (although those coffees sound terribly overpriced); it’s sort of like asking people to pitch in to cover the cost of the candy they keep eating from your candy dish, just a bit more formalized. People are free to decline his pricey coffees and get their own somewhere else.

2. Firing someone for racist tweets

Last week on Twitter there was a myriad of commentary regarding the horrific Charleston shootings, but there was one event in particular I would love for you to weigh in. One person on Twitter (@HyLeyLowly) started spouting racial hatred of minorities about the tragic shooting. People found her place of employer, (@RegalCinemas) and tweeted and DM’d them until they responded and they have let her go from her entry-level position. In your opinion, was it right of the tweeters to make her get fired or was this something you think the employer should have known?

I fully support the right of any employer to fire someone who they learn is spewing offensive racist hatred, particularly in the wake of a horrific racially-motivated tragedy. They’re right not to want to be associated with her, they’re right not to want to ask their other employees to work with her, and they’re right not to want to expose their customers to her.

Speech has consequences, especially hateful speech on a public forum like Twitter.

Now, you might ask whether that means that it’s also okay for an employer to fire someone for other speech they don’t like — such as someone speaking out for marriage equality or school reform or a particular political party. I’m comfortable saying that they’re not the same thing, and that as a society we can recognize racism and bigotry as being different from normal political discourse. People may draw the line in different places, of course, but I think this particular incident was clearly, clearly on the “fire her” side of the line.

3. My coworker insisted that I stop working when I was on jury duty

Recently, I started a new job that I really enjoy! It’s flexible, challenging, and as a general rule I like the people. However, recently I was called for jury duty and I decided I would take my work laptop with me so I could do something productive with all of that time. After about 30 minutes of me doing work and copying my coworker, she emailed me informing that I need to “STOP WORKING IN GENERAL” in all caps, “stop replying to her emails from this morning,” that I can do my work when I’m back in the office and to”enjoy jury duty.” With a big, fat, fake “LOL” at the end.

Now, I told her before hand I would be working from jury duty (she understood) and I told our boss in my interview that I don’t like to be micromanaged, which she appreciated and cited as one reason she wanted to hire me. My coworker goes through stints of micromanagement without rhyme or reason, which I’ve mostly tolerated until this email. Aside from this, my coworker raves about me to our boss saying how great I am. Then out of nowhere, she sends this aggressive email telling me NOT to work? This was an unusually professionally written email as well (we speak very informally over email usually) with an LOL at the end that seemed out of place in a sternly written email.

How should I interpret this and what do I do to prevent this from happening in the future? I want approach her and ask her nicely to stop the micromanaging or give me a legitimate reason for why I can’t do certain things, instead of her demanding things with no reasoning. But I also don’t want to cause awkwardness and make our personal and professional working relationship strained.

Unless there’s more to this than what’s here, I wouldn’t take this as a serious attempt to dictate that need to stop working. I’d take it as a good-natured “hey, we don’t need you to work while you’re away from the office; you shouldn’t feel obligated.” Coworkers send messages like that to each other all the time, and it’s generally not meant as a hard-line dictate.

If you want to keep working, just ignore it or reply back, “ha, it’s actually making the time pass faster so I’m happy to be doing it” or something along those lines.

If I’m wrong and she tells you she’s actually serious about it, just ask why — that’s a perfectly reasonable question in response to a colleague making a weird request of you.

4. My mentor isn’t answering my emails

I worked as an apprentice in HR, during which a mentoring relationship organically developed from a formal arrangement. The guy in question has agreed to carry on being a mentor even though I work at a different organization. I sent an email with some questions, and phoned up after the email a week ago to ask if he’d seen the questions and whether they were worth meeting over. I haven’t heard back from him. Should I try again, wait a bit longer, or abandon the idea of sustaining a mentoring relationship? For further context, I have met with him once already about a fortnight ago.

I’d assume he’s busy right now and let it drop for now. Try again in a month or so — probably not about the same questions (which is likely to induce guilt), but just an invitation to meet with a note about how much you’ve appreciated his time but understand if his schedule makes it prohibitive right now. If you still don’t get a response, I’d assume that mentoring isn’t working for him right now for some reason (other commitments being the most likely, but who knows).

Read an update to this letter. 

5. Sent home to avoid overtime hours

My fiancé works for a company here in Florida where he is required to be on call for emergencies, which often results in overtime hours and pay. His manager came to him yesterday and said that if they see that he is going to get more than 40 hours in a pay period because of on call work, they will send him home early to avoid the overtime. Is this legal? Seems to me it is more unethical than illegal, but I wanted to check with you first.

Yes, it’s legal — and pretty normal, actually. Employers often take steps to ensure people aren’t working overtime, since they may only have a certain amount of money budgeted for a particular position and need to ensure that they stick to that.