my employees are monitoring my schedule

by Alison Green on June 24, 2015

A reader writes:

My director supports me on this and is on my side, but didn’t offer any assistance, so I’m seeking your advice.

For the last year and a half, I have been working as an IT manager for a large corporation, and oversee multiple locations throughout the Midwest. The company just restructured, and I have taken on the role of three people through a sideways promotion (same title and pay with more responsibilities…it sucks). Part of my job requires me to be on the road A LOT, so I am almost never at my “main office”; rather, I am floating from location to location. I also work from my home one day a week to remove distractions and focus on catching up on paperwork/administrative items (I share an office with one of my employees and can’t have confidential meetings while there).

Three of the six locations that I oversee are rather close together (two are in the same city), and my direct reports at these locations are what you could consider “rodeo cowboys.” In other words, their previous manager was very hands-off, so they are use to doing their own thing and not following the rules. I am the opposite, and set expectations for the employees, which they have contested since day one as “not fair.” They are used to browsing the internet more than working, but I require them to actually work during work hours, and only browse during breaks. My main office is based in one of these three locations.

Last month, one of the employees near my main office confronted me and stated the following: “I was talking with some of the guys (at these three locations), and we agreed that we should talk to you about this…we never know where you are. We don’t know what you are doing. Can you can make an effort to tell us every day where you will be?”

Now, I am not opposed to upward management, and I understand wanting to know where I am and what I am doing. However, I noticed that they continue to monitor my activity by calling each other or sending instant messages with my current location and what I am doing at the time. I know that this is happening because of an insider at one of these locations who has listened in on these phone calls from a distance. Obviously, I am uncomfortable that the employees at these three locations are talking about me constantly behind my back, and I am paranoid that they are spying on me and trying to find a way to get me fired for forcing them to follow the rules that they for so long broke under their last supervisor. I am also worried about my reputation being damaged if they happen to discuss this frustration with operations managers/directors at these locations, or they are overheard by someone else in the business. The employees at the other locations that I oversee are awesome, respectful, and love me/my management style…I only have an issue with the rodeo cowboys.

Since everyone is bound to have a handful of bad employees, perhaps I am just crazy, and this is a non-issue that I should just let slide…but how do I confront these employees and gain their respect? What can I do for damage control? I am putting in 60+ hour work weeks, so I am hurt that they assume that since I am not in my main office that I am not working.

I think there are a few different problems here and it will be more helpful to look at them separately:

* Your staff at these three locations are chafing at the new expectations you’re setting for their work.
* Your staff feels like they never know where you are and they’d like to understand your schedule better.
* They’re spending way too much time talking about their (possibly reasonable) desire for more access to your schedule, and it’s becoming a distraction.

The first issue — that they’re chafing at the new expectations you’re setting for their work — is a performance problem, and if you’re not already taking that on pretty forthrightly, that should be priority #1. That might end up meaning that you need to replace people. In fact, you might already be past the point where you should have done that. (I’m especially swayed by the fact that you’re not having these issues with staff at your other locations, which seems to point to the issue being these particular employees, although it would be worth asking whether there’s anything about their context that’s different from the other locations — like if they’re more skilled or have different workloads or anything else that might explain the difference in reaction).

Now, about them feeling like they never know where you are and wanting to understand your schedule better: That’s actually reasonable. It sucks to have no idea if your boss will be in the office today or not, or whether she’s reachable, or even whether she’s working or taking the day off. It’s especially reasonable when your boss is usually on the road. Making your schedule as transparent as possible in that kind of context makes sense.

So … can you share your calendar? It’s pretty easy to do that with most calendaring programs, and that way people will have a sense of your availability without you having to do a daily schedule email.

(That said, I do wonder if the real reason they want to know is so that they know when you’ll be around to observe them and when you’ll be at another location. If you suspect that’s what’s going on here, I’d sit down and talk with them a bit more about it first. Tell them you want to get a better understanding of what they need from you, ask what kind of problems not knowing your schedule has been causing them, and see what they say. If you get the sense that it really is just about wanting advance notice that you’ll be on-site so they can modify their behavior, you can test that pretty easily by showing up a few times when you’re not expected (cite a last-minute schedule change) and see what you walk in. If you discover problems when you do that, deal with it like any other performance problem.)

From there, if you continue to hear that they’re calling and IM’ing each other with your whereabouts, address it. “Percival, I keep hearing you’re asking about my whereabouts. Now that we have the shared calendar in place, I’m wondering why. What’s going on?” … followed by, if necessary, “If you need something from me, please call or email me. The amount of discussion of my schedule with other people is becoming a distraction. Can you commit to reaching out to me directly in the future if you have a question about my schedule?”

And really, if it reaches the point that it’s really clear that they’re just tracking your days for no real reason, well … at that point I just don’t believe that there’s any way you don’t have a serious performance problem here, so we’re back to the advice at the start.

Also, you want your own boss in the loop on your concerns about this team and how you’re handling them. If your suspicions are right that the schedule-tracking is an attempt to get you fired, you want her fully informed about the situation now — you don’t want to be filling her in after someone complains to her.

Last, you asked about how to gain these employees’ respect. The most straightforward way to do that is to set clear expectations, explain the reasons for them, give people fair and useful feedback, recognize and reward high performance, operate with integrity and transparency, and hold people accountable when they aren’t meeting your expectations. In this case, that means being open to hearing their concerns about access to your schedule, but also addressing it clearly and proactively when people aren’t operating the way you want your team members operating — and being willing to follow it up with real consequences if you don’t see the change you need.

Related:
my staff has been held to a low bar; am I asking too much of them now?
managing a team that resents you

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{ 192 comments }

telling my friend’s boss how overworked she is, dating the head of HR, and more

by Alison Green on June 24, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I say something to my friend’s boss about how overworked she is?

I’m hoping you can give me some advice on how to handle a situation. A close friend of mine is totally overworked: 70+ hours at her demanding job plus another 20+ hours a week taking classes.

Lately she’s been so stressed that she can’t sleep, can’t eat, and is now throwing up from anxiety. While I think there are some larger issues at work about why she chooses to do this to herself, in the meantime I’m worried about her health.

Her boss has no idea that she’s working so much — and knowing her boss, he would be upset about it. To be honest, my friend brings a lot of this on herself, simply taking on too many projects and not delegating when appropriate. She doesn’t seem willing to make the changes to simply work “only” 50 hours a week.

I hate seeing my friend do this to herself. My questions are what you might suggest I say to her, and if you think it’s out of line to mention it to her boss (who I know socially from before they worked together).

Ooooh, no, you can’t say something to her boss. That would be interfering in her professional life; that’s totally off-limits to you. She is a grown-up, and you have to respect her to ability to handle her working life herself. You can disagree with her choices, but you can’t overrule them by going over her head. It doesn’t matter that you know the boss socially; this one just isn’t yours to intervene in like that.

All you can really do here is to be a friend to her: Express concern, tell her what you’re seeing, ask if she’s happy with how things are and, if she’s not, what she thinks she could do to change them. You could also share your opinion that her boss would want to know how much she’s working. But that’s really it.

2. Comparing yourself to other candidates for an internal promotion

What is your advice for applying for an internal promotion, when you pretty much know who the other applicants are and you know that while you are qualified, you are not the best candidate? Where’s the line between showing interest /being willing to grow and wasting the interviewer’s time? And when this is the case, how do you answer the question “Why do you believe you are the best candidate?”

“Well, I can’t speak to the other applicants, but I think I’d excel at the job because _____.”

Asking you to compare yourself to other applicants is BS. Reframe it as the more reasonable “Why would you excel in this position?”

3. I’m dating the head of HR and am annoyed that he keeps things from me

My boyfriend and I work in the same organization; he is higher up. We don’t have a direct reporting relationship and in fact work in completely different areas. But he is the executive director of HR, so can potentially have influence over my job.

The problem isn’t so much at work, but between us. Or more accurately, with me. Because he is so senior to me at work, he of course has access to a lot more sensitive information than I do, some of which may affect my job. He refuses to discuss any of it with me, which is perfectly appropriate (however much it may annoy me).

The problem for me is that because of some things that happened in the past, I have ongoing trust issues with the management and senior leadership of our organization. Now he is part of that cabal and I’m finding that it really bothers me. I know that he knows things before I do, and that he sometimes has to keep things from me. On the one hand, I can understand why he feels the need to do this. On the other, it hurts that he doesn’t feel he can trust me with work-related information that might be contentious or sensitive. I wish he felt he could talk to me about work and could trust me to be discreet. But of course he has to be careful.

You can see I’m quite divided over this situation. How do I navigate these circumstances? Should I perhaps just look for a job elsewhere?

Yes, that’s exactly what you should do — or your boyfriend should. He has a major conflict of interest; the head of HR should not be dating an employee at all, no matter how conscientious the two of you are about keeping work out of your relationship (which he seems to be, but you’re pushing him not to). This is really not okay for the reasons described here and here (different situations but the same basic concerns).

If you want to continue dating, one of you should find a different job. But until that happens, realize that by asking him to share confidential information with you, you’re asking him to do something that could and should get him fired — and which is totally contrary to his own interests, the requirements of his job, and the commitments he’s made to your employer.  You’re asking him to betray his word, his reputation, and his professional credibility. Stop stop stop stop stop.

4. Should I tell my interviewer about a typo in the company’s LinkedIn profile?

A company that I am interviewing with today has a typo in their LinkedIn profile. I just noticed it. Do I tell their internal recruiter about it?

No. It’s not a big enough deal that it’s imperative that someone be alerted to it, and you risk it making the person you tell feel defensive — which is not a price worth paying to point out a typo. (Note that when this came up in 2010, I was more wishy-washy on the subject, but now I’ve settled into a no.)

5. We’re not getting paid for time spent on our self-evaluations

I hate to ask a “Is this legal?” question, so I’ll stick with “Is this fair?” I’m a non-exempt employee. This year, writing down our self-evaluations and goals are optional. However, it is highly encouraged. Our (tiny) yearly pay raises are performance-based, so self-evals are one of the few places to advocate for ourselves. Plus, I’m pretty certain that my manager would be upset if I didn’t fill one out, despite it being optional. All together, it means I’m better off filling one out, right?

Well, since it isn’t mandatory, my company has decided that they will not pay for us to write our self-evals! If we decide to write one, we have to do it on our own time. My opinion is that if I’m still doing work (and I certainly consider writing self-evals and setting goals work), whether mandatory or not, I should be getting paid for it. I asked one of HR reps about it at a meeting recently and she just reiterated that it wasn’t mandatory, so we weren’t getting paid for it. What is your take?

Lots of things aren’t mandatory but still require you to be paid if you do them if you’re non-exempt — like working late to finish a project or answering work email over the weekend or re-organizing the file room even though it’s not your job. The question isn’t whether something is voluntary; it’s whether it’s work. This is.

The federal Fair Labor Standards Act is really clear on this. Your state department of labor can back you up. And you have a highly inept HR team.

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should managers ask or tell when assigning work?

by Alison Green on June 23, 2015

A reader writes:

When dealing with people that work directly for me, should I ask them to do things or tell them to do things? Does telling someone to do something in a work environment come off as harsh? I always ask them to do things, but I’m starting to feel like asking them kind of makes me look weak.

Either is fine, if you’re saying it nicely and not barking orders like you are Caligula.

There’s nothing wrong with “Please talk to Fergus about the teapot design and see if you can find a solution to the spout issue” as long as you say it politely.

But thinking back over what I tend to use myself, I generally default to framing things as asking — “Could you do X by the end of the week?” … “Here’s a new project I’m hoping you can take on” … etc.

And really, in most cases when a work assignment from your manager is framed as a request, it’s pretty clear it’s a directive. People aren’t generally going to reply with “Nope.” But I default to requests — unless there’s a reason not to — because (a) it feels more respectful to me, and (b) it makes it easier for people to speak up when they’re worried about their ability to deliver; it invites people to tell you if, for example, there’s a deadline conflict or they have concerns about how realistic the request is.

However, there’s a third category beyond requests and directives that’s important to talk about: things that sound like suggestions. If you say something like, “Feel free to show me that report before you finalize it,” a lot of people will hear that as “you can show it to me if you want to, but you don’t have to.” Then you’ll end up getting frustrated that your “suggestion” wasn’t followed, and your staff will end up confused about your expectations. So if you definitely want someone to do something, make sure you’re not framing it as “you could…” or “feel free to…” or “one idea would be…” or other suggestion formulations.

Perhaps more important than any of this, though, I’m wondering about why you’re feeling like framing things as requests is making you look weak. That suggests that you’re either feeling insecure about your authority for your own reasons, or your team is unclear on roles and expectations, or something else is going on. I’d explore that piece of it — because in a healthy, functioning team, a manager’s authority won’t be compromised by politely asking people to do what they need done.

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{ 153 comments }

when remote work goes really, really wrong

by Alison Green on June 23, 2015

I recently asked readers to share their stories of times when remote work went really, really wrong, and today I’ve rounded up some of the most outrageous things you shared.

An important note: It’s crucial to say that none of these stories are reasons to disallow remote work. The take-away from these stories isn’t that remote work is bad — outrageous stories abound about non-telecommuters, after all –, but rather that managers need to manage and notice what’s going on with their people.

1. Double billing

“I once worked in a trade organization with a an assistant for a VP. She claimed to be so busy all the time, but doing what?  No one ever knew. She’d claim she was working from home, and the email time stamps showed that she did.  But one Friday, I had a flex day, and I went to the grocery store.  She was a cashier.  She never said anything to me nor I her.  (This was back in the day before cell phones with cameras.)”

2. Double standard

“My former boss would leave every single day around 3 or so, and he claimed to his boss and sometimes to us that he’d be working from home. Other times he would plainly say, ‘I want to watch a football game tomorrow night, so I’d better take my girlfriend to the movies this afternoon’ as he was walking out. Or he’d say he was taking his daughter to the mall. One time my coworkers and I caught him in a lie because he told the folks in the office one story and he told the folks in the field a different story.

Then, when I’d work from home due to a snowstorm, he’d constantly call and email, and I knew it was to make sure I was actually working. One time he called my cell multiple times and left multiple messages, because I wasn’t in the office. I wasn’t at work because I was getting my mandatory work-required medical workup, and I had reminded him about it when he left the day before, but he’d obviously forgotten. I learned then that if I was going to be gone from the office for any reason I’d need to leave a note on his chair the day before.

I don’t miss that job at all.”

3. Telecommuting doesn’t mean topless business meetings

“My last job was a telecommuting situation, and my first manager after my promotion was a nice guy but not very organized time management wise. One night during my shift, he asked if I’d have a few minutes to meet then. We did Google Hangouts for our meetings, and when he got on camera, it was very obvious that he was not wearing a shirt! It was beyond awkward.

The next time he met with me, he had a shirt on, but I’ll never forget the shirtless boss encounter.”

4. McWhoops

“Lots of remote employees means a lot of conference calls, and I once clearly heard someone ordering McDonalds while on a call. The mute button is your friend, people. Especially if you’re ordering a McMuffin during a call.”

5. Secret team outings

“I worked remotely from my team, in another company office two states away. Once when I was on a trip to the town the rest of the team worked in, Wednesday afternoon everyone disappeared. Apparently that manager would not send me emails when they had team building that they were not asking me to travel for, so that I wouldn’t get upset. Several people pointed out that I wasn’t there (at a matinee minor league baseball game 5 miles from the office) but the manager told them to not call me.”

6. Feline office mates

“I’ve been working from home for about seven years, and nothing has ever topped this.

I have a very obnoxious cat. She was very interested in my conference call, trying to climb on my laptop, meowing into my (muted) headset, and generally being an annoyingly lovable cat. My boss sends me an IM: ‘What do you think of this training?’ My cat chose this moment to walk across my keyboard – most specifically on the P, O, and Enter keys. She sent the word POOP to my boss, and stepped on the Wi-Fi off button, immediately disconnecting me. I wanted to cry.

Thankfully my boss had a great sense of humor, and more importantly, we both agreed with my cat’s assessment of the training.”

7. Printer mishap

“I was working from home one night, and while I was working, I was typing up a grievance letter for HR about my horrible boss. After wrapping everything up at midnight, I hit print to send the letter to my printer. I stared at the printer as nothing happened. Of course, I was on the VPN and the nasty letter went to the copier in the copy room in the office. I had to drive 15 miles in the middle of the night and wander through the dark office, just so I could pick up the page I printed. Thank goodness it was still on the printer and no one was working late.”

8. And a high note…

“My last remote experience (which was 100% remote for the whole department, though those who lived in the same city as headquarters were given the option of an office), was fantastic! Highly motivated, high achieving colleagues, who had company-wide respect for their excellent work. A manager who balanced allowing employees to work independently and appropriate hours with engagement in their work and responsiveness. An excellent tech set up and lightning-fast reimbursement for expenses. I can’t think of one single horror story!”

 

I originally published this at Intuit QuickBase’s blog.

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I’m upset that my coworker played favorites with party invitations

by Alison Green on June 23, 2015

A reader writes:

I got to work at the beginning of this week to find a pre-printed invitation to our administrative assistant’s annual 4th of July party sitting on my desk. It was not in an envelope, which didn’t seem unusual since she ordinarily invites the entire office each year. I soon found out, however, that she did NOT invite the entire office. Many of my coworkers were blatantly left out and they feel very hurt.

I think she could have either emailed each individual, or ideally, snail-mailed an invitation to the homes of the individuals she wished to invite. Our administrator is aware of the situation and does not have a problem with it.

We work for a group of physicians. I wonder if this should be brought to their attention (perhaps anonymously?) because it has had a terrible effect on the morale of my fellow employees. I know that I will not be attending the party because I would feel that I was betraying my coworkers by doing so.

P.S. I might add that the AA is in charge of Human Resources, and the lack of trust in her some of the staff now feels due to this obvious favoritism makes me wonder how they will feel about her having access to their very sensitive personal information.

Until I got to your P.S., my answer was going to be that this is really 100% your coworker’s call. People are allowed to invite who they want to non-work social events; this isn’t like second grade, where you had to invite the whole class. These are adults, and they get to make their own social decisions. If I were your manager and you complained to me that someone was having a party at her house and didn’t invite the whole staff, I would be … nonplussed. And then I would explain that that’s her call.

The fact that she’s in charge of HR could change things. HR people have extra responsibility to be perceived as impartial — to the point that some HR roles really can’t have friendships with coworkers outside of HR the way other people can. But it really depends on what your coworker’s role is. Does she just coordinate things like benefits and new hire paperwork in addition to her other duties? If so, she doesn’t have the same need for strict impartiality, just like the person who runs payroll doesn’t. But if she does full-scope HR, like resolving employee complaints, investigating harassment reports, etc., then yes, this kind of thing is a conflict of interest.

Another exception would be if she were a manager and inviting some of her employees but not others. That wouldn’t be okay, because managers need to be perceived as impartial and not playing favorites.

But if none of those things are true, your coworker gets to decide who she wants to hang out with outside of work. You, in turn, can decide that it feels too cliquish to you and you’re not comfortable going. But I wouldn’t look at the invite or anyone’s attendance as betrayal (unless there’s way more to the story, like that it’s being done deliberately to hurt and exclude someone).

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employee keeps bringing her son to our free lunch, I got the job my boss applied for, and more

by Alison Green on June 23, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee regularly brings her son to our free lunch

I work at a nonprofit organization that, among other services, provides five meals a day to various groups of homeless individuals and recovery clients. Our evening dinner is open to public and anyone in need (over 120 people come on a given night). Staff members are welcome to any of the food made during the day, but primarily only eat at lunch (a meal time for our clients in recovery and not open to the public). Occasionally volunteers, guests, or family members join for lunch as well.

One of the receptionists has her son join for lunch and on a regular basis she gets him food from our kitchen. In the past, guests have been so infrequent that there hasn’t been a need to set any guidelines or rules about who can join for lunch and how often they can eat.

This employee is wonderful and her son is in a challenging season of life, so I want to be sensitive. In addition, I do not want to make this a larger issue than it needs to be (when in reality the food he is eating is very cheap) and have to set a rigid boundary when we haven’t done so with other staff members. At the same time, I am concerned about the precedent it might set to allow him to join so frequently – both in her understanding of what is appropriate and the way other staff perceive the situation (it is not fair, it is not proper stewardship of donor money, they now have permission to bring guests frequently). As her manager, how would you recommend I best address this (if at all)?

Are you absolutely sure that he’s not joining her for lunch there because her family is actually in need of food assistance?

If you’re sure that’s not the case, I think you have to decide whether it really would be a problem if everyone on your staff had guests that frequently. I’m guessing that it would be (even if the food is very cheap, I’m guessing it adds up), but if for some reason it’s not, there’s your answer. But assuming that it’s not something you could allow everyone to do with that frequency, then it sounds like it’s time to create guidelines about how often people can bring guests for lunch. Share those guidelines with everyone so that you’re being fully transparent about what is and isn’t okay (and not leaving people to guess and possibly guess wrong) — but I might also talk with her privately first to give her a heads-up and say that you know she often has her son join her at lunch and so you wanted to explain why the new guidelines are being put in place.

2. My boss and I both applied for a new job, and I got it

I work at a large company where there is quite a bit of internal movement between teams and departments. I recently applied for, interviewed for, and got an offer to join a relatively new team in another department. It is a promotion to a more senior level position in addition to being on an exciting new team!

I recently found out that one of my two managers had also applied for the same position. She has less work experience and education than I do but has been at the company longer. The new position would have been a lateral move for her, not a promotion, but in a very different type of position. I don’t think she knows that I applied for the position or that I know that she applied.

I have been told specifically by my boss-to-be that other candidates have not yet been informed that they did not get the position and that I should only share my good news on a need-to-know basis. I have told my direct supervisor (my other manager) and my department’s operations team, so as to allow them to start making plans for my move to the other department. I feel terrible about keeping this manager in the dark, but I also don’t think I’m the one who should break the news that she didn’t get the position.

My dilemma is that she will be informed that she didn’t get the position within the next few days and she will also then need to know that I will be leaving the team. Out of respect, I think I should be the one to tell her that I will be moving off the team (this is standard practice in the company) but I’m worried about what that discussion would look like. I don’t want to put her on the spot with the news that I got the position she also applied for, I don’t want to make her feel bad, and, although I will not be working with her directly in my new position, she is still my manager until my official transition and we will continue to be coworkers. How do I navigate these waters without coming across as being the “bad guy”?

If you act as if you think you need to break it to her delicately, you’re likely to make it a lot more awkward; it could come across as condescending. So the best thing you can do is to be matter-of-fact — and I wouldn’t reference the fact that she applied at all, since it’s really not relevant. Just be direct: “Jane, I’ve been offered and accepted a job as X in the Y department. I’m sad to be leaving our team but excited for the new opportunity.”

But before you do that, she needs to be told that she didn’t get the job herself. And you are not the one who should tell her that; that needs to come from whoever was handling hiring for that position. You might need to nudge that person to tell her quickly; you can explain to them that you need to let her know you’re leaving her team, but that you don’t want that to be the way she learns she didn’t get the job herself. Ask them if they can do that in the next day or two so that you can share your own news with her and begin openly planning your transition.

3. I told my boss I’m unhappy and thinking of leaving, and he didn’t seem to care

I work in IT as a systems administrator for a big department within a large university and I’m unhappy with my job. I love the work but I feel I’m getting paid more in experience than in money. This was great for a while, but I’m doing my boss’s old job for barely more than half of the pay.

I’ve tried discussing the issue with my boss — I discussed being unhappy and that I was looking at other jobs (both within the university and outside of it as well) and his reaction really hurt. He said he understood, told me his story of how he got where he’s at today (which he’s told me a hundred times), and asked me if I’ve thought about moving. I have given thought to moving, but that wasn’t my point.

His response made me feel as though it didn’t matter if I left or not, as though I was worthless. Now instead of feeling simply underpaid, I feel completely undervalued and not taken seriously. Am I completely overreacting?

I’m of the belief that if something doesn’t make sense, it’s because you don’t have all of the information, so maybe I’m missing something here.

It’s possible that your boss didn’t try to convince you to stay because he doesn’t care if you leave. But it’s also possible that he knows that he’s not going to be able to pay you more or change the things that are making you unhappy, and he doesn’t want to blow smoke up your ass or string you along (like managers who make vague promises of raises and other changes and then never come through). He might also be someone who takes things at face value — you’re telling him you want to leave and he assumes your mind is made up, and he’s supporting you in figuring out what’s next.

Whichever of these possibilities it is, it doesn’t add up to “worthless.” At worst, it could add up to “not as valued as you’d like to be,” but even that isn’t worthless. So, yes, I do think you’re overreacting. Take your boss’s response as useful information — this isn’t someone who’s going to give you the things you’d like, for whatever reason — and make decisions accordingly. But don’t feel insulted; I don’t really see an insult here.

By the way, have you directly made the case for a raise? If you haven’t, that would probably have been the conversation I’d have with your boss, before you get to the “I’m unhappy and looking at other jobs” conversation.

4. Job searching through Facebook groups

I’m an active Facebook user and a member of a few local “buy/sell/trade” groups on the site. A recent trend I’ve noticed is for a group member to post an In Search Of message asking for job leads. These posts are usually not well-worded, often don’t have any description of the person’s skill set, and basically sound like desperate attempts to get a lead. I can understand putting feelers out in your own personal network, but some of these groups have 15k+ members in the local community, and while that does increase one’s chance of finding a potential lead, I don’t understand why people won’t take the time to make their posts sound professional.

Worse still are the people who are posting for a friend or family member (which eeks me out, regardless of the venue). Is this really becoming a thing? I’ve seen stories of hires made by outside-the-box social media pitches, but I thought they were an anomaly; I’m seeing these kinds of job requests posted weekly. Does anyone actually hire these people?

I don’t think it’s becoming a thing; I think there have always been people who do this kind of thing, and the internet has just made it easier. As for why they do it, I suspect it’s a combination of desperation and lack of understanding of what effective job searching looks like (and the latter almost certainly feeds the former).

Does anyone hire them? I can’t say for sure, but it’s hard to imagine someone seeing a poorly-written post from a stranger looking for a job, with no mention of their skills or professional background, and thinking, “Ah, you’re perfect for my team!” If they ARE getting connected with job leads this way, I have to think it’s more likely to be for shady stuff more than anything else.

5. How quickly should I respond to a prospective employer’s email?

Is it okay to reply to an employer a few days after they contact you? I have been applying for an internship at a few firms this term. So far, one company has replied a day after I sent the email and asked for sample of works (I’m an architecture student). Since I have been busy in school, I replied three days after and on a Sunday. Is it okay?

It’s probably no big deal in this case, since two of those three days were weekend days.

If you’re contacted about an interview, you want to respond quickly — within 24 hours, generally, because at that stage companies are usually trying to book things quickly and you’re likely to look uninterested if you wait longer than that. But when they’re asking for something like work samples (as was the case here), they’re usually going to allow some time for you to pull them together. In general, though, I’d strive to get back to employers within one business day from here on out.

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how can my resume show that I take charge and people like me?

by Alison Green on June 22, 2015

A reader writes:

What is the professional way of saying on a resume, “I always take charge of things and people like me”? Writing that is clearly cringy. Maybe the cover letter is a better place?

At my current company, I started in more of a technical role, but I did not supervise anyone. My boss wanted to hire interns but was having trouble interviewing them, so he asked me to sit in on it. I was able to ask them relevant questions, select the people I wanted to hire, and supervise their projects. After success there, I moved into a supervisor role for a less technical department. The interns who I hired who became full-time employees still seek out my guidance and opinion on how to handle different things at work. The group that I supervise is more of a job than a career and for the most part are not looking for career advancement.

Prior to this job, I was in grad school in an STEM field and had several fellowships related to community out reach and mentorship. Two-thirds of them invited me back to participate for an additional funding cycle but with additional responsibilities or leadership.

I can go on with additional examples of coaching, tutoring, etc., but you get the idea. I have a lot of experience making connections with people, getting them to work and ending up in charge of whatever I’m involved in. How do I talk about this on a resume?

Instead of talking about traits (“I always take charge of things and people like me”), talk about how that has impacted your work — what outcomes have those traits led to?

Think of it this way: From an employer’s standpoint, it doesn’t matter if you have those traits if they don’t show up in the work results you get. So that’s where you want to focus.

For example:

  • “coached and mentored X interns, Y% of whom were later hired into full-time roles”
  • “serve as go-to resource to junior staff on X, Y, and Z”
  • “consistently promoted to new levels of responsibility, including managing X and Y”
  • “grew program from X to Y” (where Y is bigger/better than X)
  • “built strong relationships with community members, which led to X”
  • “built reputation for proactively taking on new projects and shepherding them to success, such as X”
  • and so forth
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are you turning off your interviewer without realizing it?

by Alison Green on June 22, 2015

Smart employers don’t expect job candidates to be perfectly polished interviewees, but some turn-offs that might seem minor on your end can be deal-breakers on the employer’s end. Here are five common ways that candidates turn off their interviewers without even realizing it.

1. Not speaking in specifics. Interviewers are trying to understand exactly what you’ve accomplished in the past and how you operate. If your answers are overly vague, you’re going to make it very hard for them to assess whether you’re the right fit for the job. For example, there’s a big difference between “I know a ton about online marketing” and “In my last role, I headed up our online marketing team and was responsible for increasing our social media engagement by 40%. I did that by…” Who would you be more interested in hiring?

2. Rambling or being too longwinded. Giving long, rambling answers can signal that you’re not able to organize your thoughts well and convey information reasonably quickly – and it can be annoying for an interviewer who has a number of questions to get through and limited time to do it. In some cases, being overly longwinded can also signal that you don’t pick up on conversational cues; if your interviewer is looking impatient or disengaged or rushing you through an answer, it might be a sign that you need to shorten your answers. Pay attention to time cues, too; if your interviewer tells you at the start of the conversation that she has 45 minutes and a lot of questions to ask, that means that you shouldn’t spend 10 minutes answering the first question.

Of course, you don’t want to go to the opposite extreme and give answers so short that they’re not helpful. If you’re unsure, you can also ask, “Did that give you what you’re looking for, or would you like me to talk more in-depth about this?”

3. Not understanding the basics of what the organization does or the job itself. Obviously you can’t be expected to know every detail as an outsider, and some job ads are frustratingly vague, but if you seem to lack basic knowledge that was in the job posting or available on the company’s website, you’ll come across as unprepared and disengaged. When I interview someone who asks me basic questions that were answered on our website, I assume they’ll be an employee who isn’t terribly resourceful or self-sufficient.

4. Playing coy about questions you don’t want to answer. Sometimes job candidates try to avoid talking about subjects that they worry will be unflattering, like why they left their last job or whether they’ve ever been fired. But most experienced interviewers can see right through attempts to avoid direct answers, and you can end up looking evasive or disingenuous. You’re usually going to come across far better if you own whatever the answer is and present it confidentially and without defensiveness. If an interviewer has to dig and dig to get an answer, you could end up looking untrustworthy.

5. Minimizing or dismissing concerns about your fit for the job. This is a tough one for many people, because job seekers are typically told to sell themselves for the job they’re interviewing for – but good interviewers don’t want to be sold; they want to have an open discussion about your fit for the job. If an interviewer notes that you haven’t had much experience with a crucial part of the job, she’s looking for a candid conversation with you about how much of an obstacle that’s likely to be. Or if an interviewer expresses a concern about the fact that you’d be moving from a very casual culture to a much more buttoned-up one, he’s seeking a real discussion of the likely challenges with such a transition. If you brush off these concerns without really engaging with your interviewer about them, you’re not likely to resolve the concern; you’re just likely to make your interviewer worry that you don’t quite grasp why the concern matters.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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my chronically networking husband hands out business cards on date night

by Alison Green on June 22, 2015

A reader writes:

My husband is a successful freelancer and is always “on” his game –never knowing when a client opportunity will present itself, he likes to be ready. As a result of this success, he is a chronic networker and the frequency of networking is now invading our personal life.

We go out for an evening to unwind, have a glass of wine, and get away from the kids… and he makes a point to bring his business cards. Weekend walk in the countryside where I encourage him to just leave the phones at home (who is going to call in the middle of nowhere?) – he brings his business cards. Buy a couch on Craigslist, and the seller asks “what do you do” to make mundane chitchat, and out come the business cards. We’ve been to weddings before, here we go again, and thus begins the work talk with table-mates.

I perceive this as an invasion. As an aside, I work both short contracts and freelance too and I do know the importance of taking opportunities when you cross paths, but I also believe there is time and place to connect with people at another time (such as when you are on a date and reconnecting with the person in front of you). It’s causing a rift.

May I ask, is there sacred space anymore where it’s not appropriate to be hustling and talking potential work? Or has everything become a huge blur in our uncertain times? Do men and women view this differently?

There are some lines of work where this behavior is pretty normal — part of the package even — because some fields rely on heavy schmoozing and networking. And especially because your husband works for himself and thus “only eats what he kills,” he probably feels particular pressure to be always on the hunt.

But I totally understand why this bothers you — it would bother me too. Most people want to feel like they have time with their significant other that’s sacred — where their partner isn’t thinking about business, or switching focus from them to a potential business contact.

I don’t think it’s so much a man/woman thing — I think it’s more of a thing you see with people who draw energy from their work and who suck at drawing boundaries on that. In fact, I understand his side of it, a little. Not the networking part — good God, no, not the networking part — but in many ways, my work and my life feel integrated into each other, and I often work at odd hours or when an idea strikes. That can mean being propped up in bed typing away on a laptop or not wanting to watch a movie after dinner because my brain is still in work mode and wants to return to it. I know that’s been frustrating at times for my husband.

In any case … how directly have you talked to your husband about how much this bothers you? And have you been approaching it incident by incident (“could we leave our phones off while we take a walk?”) or have you talked to him about the bigger pattern and how it makes you feel? If you haven’t done the latter, I think that’s where your best hope of resolution lies. Sit down with him — at a time when he’s not focused on work — and tell him that you feel most connected to him when the two of you are able to fully focus on each other or a social experience you’re having together, and that it’s tough on you when you rarely get those opportunities. Tell him that you’re not asking him to cut it out altogether and that you understand some of this is part of the package with his line of work, but that you’re asking him to brainstorm with you about how you two might be able to carve out work-free time for each other.

What do others think?

Read an update to this letter here.

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I’m getting mixed messages from my boss, training resistant senior colleagues, and more

by Alison Green on June 22, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss told it it was fine to attend a week-long conference — but I don’t think he means it

I have a weird situation with my boss. I’m in a management training program where I work in one department, but receive leadership training from another. I’ve just returned from a three-month posting abroad (through my department). There’s a week-long conference coming up (arranged through the training department) that I’ve been registered for since before my overseas assignment. I recently discovered in a casual conversation with a coworker that my boss would not like me to attend this conference.

This was surprising (and frustrating) because I spoke with my boss earlier this week about the conference, during which I specifically asked if he prefer that I not attend. His didn’t answer me directly, asking instead if I wanted to go. I explained that I would like to go, but I didn’t have to if it would be a problem. He said it wasn’t a problem and that he knew these types of events and conferences were part of the deal when he chose to include his department in the leadership-training program.

The conference isn’t mandatory, but the tickets, hotel and everything else has already been purchased with the expectation that I’ll be attending. I know my boss to be passive-aggressive and now I’m afraid that if I do go, I’ll be penalized some way in the future. What should I do?

Well, you asked him directly about it and he told you it was fine and explicitly said that he knew these events were part of the deal. I’m wary of having you take your coworker’s word for it being the opposite.

Go the conference. But also, sit down and talk with your boss to align your expectations going forward. I’d say something like, “I know you gave me your blessing to go to the conference (you’re emphasizing this on purpose) and I really appreciate it. I do realize that going away for a week after returning from a three-month posting might not be ideal, and it made me want to get aligned with you now on how to balance program participation in the future. The program has X, Y, and Z coming up. X is mandatory but Y and Z are more optional. Would you be more comfortable with me doing just some of it rather than all? I’d like to have a better understanding of how you’d like to see me balancing the program with my obligations to my work here.”

2. Trying to train senior coworkers who are resistant to my efforts

Presently I’m the junior employee amongst three other senior employees who provide information to a large group of colleagues who deal face-to-face with clients. Due to evolving organizational changes, our section’s role has had to change to keep up with the times, and it’s apparent that the senior employees I work with have failed to keep up-to-date with system changes and operating knowledge about how our face-to-face colleagues work.

I’ve tried to help, train, educate, and demonstrate these computer systems and new tasks to my senior colleagues on many occasions. I drop my tasks whenever they’ve shown some interest in learning, but I feel that despite them showing some receptiveness to learning, they become easily overwhelmed and throw their hands up in the air, saying “I can’t do this.” I’ve broken the tasks down into the smallest chunks I can, but I feel they’re reluctant to learn, as they’re disputing the fact that they should even have to do these tasks in the first place. In the end, they may find the smallest grammatical error in one of my documents (which I’d show to them as an example piece of work) and then they’ll smirk and mock me – which I find rude.

Should I just let my colleagues drown and let our manager (who doesn’t understand our systems fully either and who relies on me for “expert” knowledge) deal with it, or should I persist with the smirks and keep trying to help my colleagues? How can I respond to those smirks without sounding like a cocky junior member?

Leave them to it on their own. You’ve done the right thing here — you tried to be helpful, and it sounds like you’ve gone above and beyond to train them, which wasn’t even your job to do (although it’s certainly the mark of someone conscientious to try to help) — and you’ve gotten mocked for your efforts. It’s on your manager to figure it out from here.

3. Proactive offering references that haven’t been requested

I’m in the midst of a very fast interview process – the prospective employer is looking for someone to start soon (within a month) and it has been a rather accelerated process so far. It started with a phone interview one week and then they quickly set up a full day of interviewing (with several large panels to introduce me to the maximum amount of people at once) the next week. Signs are all good, but I’m wondering whether I should proactively send my reference list to help them move things along and make a decision quickly. They have repeatedly asked about start date availability and emphasized the importance of filling this role in the very near future.

Would it be presumptuous to include my references’ contact info in a follow-up thank-you email if I haven’t been expressly asked to do so?

It’s not presumptuous. That said, they’ll ask for references when they want them; I don’t think you’ll really speed things up by offering them proactively. But there’s nothing wrong with doing it.

4. Starting a new job with a recent surgery scar

My question has to do with a health issue. I’ve made it through the second round of interviews for a new job and I was given a potential start date. They told me Friday they had completed contacting all my references and all had gone well, so I’m just waiting on the final offer with my salary. I am still applying to jobs in the meantime just in case.

I was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer, but it was very small and I have an excellent prognosis. I had my thyroid removed about a month ago, but I now have a scar at the base of my throat that is very noticeable. I showed up to both interviews wearing scarves, but if I get the job I wonder if I will look strange wearing scarves every day to work around my neck.

I started applying to jobs in a relatively short time after my surgery, because I realistically thought it could take several months. I got a reply right away, which was much quicker than I anticipated.

If I do get the job, should I not disclose that I had thyroid cancer if someone should ask? At some point I want to stop wearing scarves, which will reveal the scar. It doesn’t seem like a good idea as a new employee, because it makes it seem that my new employer has inherited a sick person. The other issue is I have to get my thyroid levels checked every 6 weeks, and I don’t want to look bad taking time off right away as a new employee. I don’t want to let my recent diagnosis stop me from doing anything, but there are definitely some issues that may pop up as a new employee.

You can share as much or as little as you want to; it’s really up to you. It would be fine to allude to a medical issue without getting into details — for example, “Oh, I had a minor operation and that’s the scar.” You’re under no obligation to share details with anyone — although you also shouldn’t feel like you have to be secretive about it if you don’t want to.

For the medical appointments, having one every six weeks is very much NOT a big deal, even in a new job. Before the first one, just say to your boss, “I have a medical thing that I get seen for every six weeks — just wanted to give you a heads-up.”

5. Restaurant wants me to train for free

I live in Las Vegas and have been in the food service industry for about 12 years. I recently took some time off and am now getting back into the field. This is now the second time I’ve been asked, after a very good interview, to come in at a set time, say 10 a.m., to follow a training server. They want you to get in there, ask questions, clear tables, and basically do what you would be doing after you’re hired, but they call it an audition for the position. I clearly have the experience, am qualified for this type of restaurant, etc. Is this legal? And is for some far off reason I or somebody else was to injure themselves during this process, who is liable? Would the restaurant be, or are you not considered an employee? I’ve never in my life heard of this. In acting, yes, for a waiter position, no. Help!

Nope, it’s not legal. They need to be paying you for that time, because you’re performing work that they’re benefiting from. However, this weird unpaid training/”audition” is apparently not uncommon in the restaurant industry, despite violating labor laws. (And yes, they’d be the ones who were liable if someone doing this “audition” got injured during it.)

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