Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I hire a coworker’s fiancé to work on my car?

I have a question about having a business transaction with a coworker. My car needs some body work done to it and I had mentioned it to her in casual conversation. She mentioned that her fiancée did car bodies and I asked her if she thought she knew how much it would cost.

She took a few pictures and came back the next day saying her fiancé was coming to look at the car. He looked at it and said that he could fix it for $—, which is about half the normal cost of the work being done. (Although my insurance would cover this, I would rather not go through insurance for premium reasons.)

Do you think it would be a good idea to do something like this? While I would pay up front so there’d be no issue with the money, I simply would rather take caution before engaging in a business transaction with a coworker. We do have a strong rapport with each other currently and while I don’t foresee any problems on either end, if something does go wrong on either side, it’ll be mighty unpleasant since neither of us plan to leave this company any time soon.

Yeah, that’s always the risk with something like this. If it goes awry — you’re unhappy with the work, there’s some kind of dispute, it develops an issue right after he works on it and you think he’s responsible but he says he’s not, or whatever — will it impact your relationship with your coworker? It’s really just a risk management question — how high or low of a risk do you think that situation is, and are you willing to risk it in order to get the lower price? I can’t answer that for you; it’s really about your own personal tolerance for risk, as well as how skilled and trustworthy this guy seemed to you.

2. Using your work email address to apply for jobs

I am taking applications for a department head position. I just got an email from someone who is obviously sending their application from their work email. Do you think I should suggest to them that they switch over to a non-work email address, or just ignore where it is coming from and communicate to them about the position and additional forms they need to complete things via that email they are using?

I personally find it distasteful and bad form to use a work email to search for jobs, as there are so many websites that allow you to get free email addresses, but should I worry about it?

Yes, it’s incredibly poor form. First, they’re using company resources (and maybe company time, depending on when they sent it) to apply for jobs. Second, it’s dumb, since work email isn’t private. Third, it’s also dumb because they could be laid off tomorrow and lose access to that account and any replies from employers sent there.

I wouldn’t email them and tell them to switch to a different account; that’s not your call, it’s theirs. If they’re otherwise a very strong candidate, I’d continue in the process with them and at some point ask, “I noticed you applied from your work email account. Am I right in thinking that that indicates that your employer knows you’re looking?”

3. Did my coworker have a conflict of interest in this hiring process?

A staff member at my office posted a position. This same person wrote the job ad and would see the resumes and answer questions about the job.

I applied for the position as an internal applicant. The staff member told other employees I applied and then applied for the position after I did. Is that even allowed?

After she applied, they extended the posting date and changed the contact person, since she applied.

We were both interviewed, and since she worked at the job longer, she was hired over me. What actions can I take if any?

Well, none, really. None of this was illegal. She did pull a bit of a Dick Cheney in deciding she wanted the job she was hiring for, but that’s not outrageous. It sounds like once she decided to apply, someone else took over the search and presumably she didn’t decide to hire herself; someone else made that decision.

I think you’re seeing a conflict of interest because she was involved in the process, but this isn’t terribly unusual.

The one thing potentially wrong I see is that she shared with others that you had applied. If she shared this with people who didn’t need to know (like others involved in the hiring process, or your current manager), she was out of line and you could request that someone talk to her about confidentiality. But that’s an internal management issue, not a legal thing.

4. How do I tell my references that I changed my mind about grad school?

I applied to, and was recently accepted for, a competitive graduate school program for matriculation in the fall of 2015. (I graduated undergrad last spring.) The program is primarily competitive due to its great financial aid packages in a field with relatively low pay. However, I’ve recently decided that I don’t want to attend that program or, in fact, any program in that field. I registered for an evening course in the program which started around the same time my application was due, thinking that if I was accepted I could apply that credit to my degree. However, after taking the class, I have realized that this field is not right for me. To be frank, I hated the class, and was thoroughly unimpressed by my classmates and the school’s admissions department. This seems like a terrible place for me to spend two years, as I grew to dread attending class and dealing with poorly designed coursework and my incompetent classmates. The issues I have seem to not just be limited to the school but rather the field – academic papers we were assigned to read were often misspelled or illogically organized with a poor understanding of statistics.

How do I convey my 180 degree switch to my references, who were so helpful and supportive throughout the application process? I still keep in touch with them, and don’t want to have wasted their time. I only applied to this one program at the time due to financial reasons – it would be economically unfeasible to attend any of the other similar programs at other universities in my city as their tuition is much higher, and compensation is very low in this field. But now this experience has soured me not only on the program but on the whole field. How do I tell them, “Whoops, sorry, I actually don’t want to be in this field anymore despite my acceptance to this program” politely? And should I still ask them for references in the future for different programs or jobs, or would that be placing too much of a burden on them?

People understand that this kind of thing happens. If anything, they’ll be happy for you that you figured it out before spending two years in a program that wasn’t right for you. Tell them what you realized and why, and tell them how much you appreciated the help they gave you in the process.

I might be wary of asking them for recommendations to another graduate program in the near future (writing those letters can be time-consuming and you risk them wondering if you’re sure this time), unless you’re very close with them / know that you have a lot of capital with them / they’re encouraging of you in the new field. (And of course, make sure you really need grad school if you try going that route again.) But I definitely wouldn’t worry about using them as job references.

5. Can I ask a board member of my current employer to talk to me about grad school?

I’ve been working as an admin at a small nonprofit for less than a year. I would like to eventually work in public policy or academia, but in the same field. One of our board members is a professor emeritus at a graduate program that I would love to attend. We have a good relationship, and she has complimented me on my work more than once. Is it appropriate to ask her for coffee to get more information about this particular graduate program and the larger field? I don’t want this to seem like a conflict of interest, as I would most likely leave this organization if I attended graduate school.

It’s fine as long as you wouldn’t mind if your boss knew about it. You don’t want to put her in an awkward position where she has information about your likely tenure in the job that your manager doesn’t have — she’s part of the organization’s leadership and might feel obligated to share that information.

That said, if you could frame it as “this is something I’m thinking about for the future, but not immediately,” that’s going to be less of a concern than if it’s “I’m thinking about applying soon.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I overheard a coworker making hateful comments about Caitlyn Jenner

Today at lunchtime, I overheard the front desk worker in my office discussing with a member of our HR team the Arthur Ashe Courage Award that is being presented to Caitlyn Jenner. The front desk worker was complaining that the award was being given to “a freak” instead of the runner-up, Noah Galloway, who is a veteran and an amputee. I didn’t hear the entire conversation but enough that the context was clear. (Ed. note: As a commenter has pointed, that rumor wasn’t even true.)

I was upset by this incident but I’m at loss on how to proceed. Initially I intended to go through established channels for reporting this sort of behavior (an anonymous hotline) as our (large, international) company specifically calls for nondiscrimination based on gender identity and has harassment policies in place. Others have encouraged me to speak to the person directly instead. I am not particularly good at confrontation. I’m also not sure what’s sort of penalty a corporate investigation might result in or how severe it might be.

I respect the right for someone to have whatever opinion they like on this or any subject, but no one should hear that sort of hateful comment at work. I don’t want to just let this go, as that would be a disservice to others who might be hurt by this person’s remarks. So what do you think I should do?

Please speak up. Say something like this to your coworker: “This has been bothering me for a few days, so I wanted to speak to you about it. The other day, I overheard your conversation with Jane about Caitlyn Jenner, and what I heard was disrespectful and unkind. I can’t make you think differently, but I want to ask you not to make comments like that in the office.”

I’d base your decision about whether or not to report it on her reaction. If she’s defensive or hostile about it, then I’d be more inclined to report it. Someone spewing hate in your office, and in an office that specifically calls for non-discrimination around gender identity, is reasonable to speak up about.

Also, the person she was talking to was from HR? HR people in particular should know better than to stay silent at this kind of thing, so I hope that person spoke up. if they didn’t, that would be another nudge in favor of reporting.

2. I’m having trouble focusing in a shared office

I work for a growing organization that’s already in distress because of a lack of space ( it’s basically a nonprofit; we get by with the resources we have).

When I started the job, I knew that the office situation would be rough. I currently share a 6×10 closed-off office with two other people. The fact that I’m an introvert, a highly sensitive person and dealing with a chronic medical condition doesn’t help. I’m extremely distracted by noise and visual interruptions (people coming into the office to speak with coworkers). Even the presence of my office mates distracts me and creates stress. Headphones don’t help unfortunately. My office mates are aware of some of these things and are very courteous and supportive, though the lack of privacy and quiet is still a constant struggle for me. I’m sure they struggle sharing space, too, even though one shared that he’s not bothered by sounds or any of the things that bother me.

The reality is there’s not really anywhere to go, and my boss shares an office too. My job requires deep concentration and a focus on creative projects, including writing. My office is the last place I feel like I can do good work. I have a laptop and want to work remotely or from home more often to focus better, but our organization has a history of people abusing that privilege and seems to look down on not being physically present.

How do I explain my concerns to my boss in a way that doesn’t make me sound like I’m an exception? Would you ever recommend sharing personal information to build understanding or is it too risky? Do you think working from home or asking to explore other options is ok given that I’ve been with the organization for less than a year?

Ugh, this sucks. If they love your work and they’re reasonable people, you might have a decent shot at just laying out the problem and asking about working at home a few days a week. (If they don’t love your work and/or they’re not reasonable people, you could still give it a shot, although the chances aren’t as high of succeeding. Doing great work and working for rational people are both very helpful when it comes to quality of life requests.)

3. I was supposed to be co-leading the department, but have I been demoted?

I started a job I considered my dream a little over a month ago. Throughout the extensive interview process, I was told this position would co-lead a department, as the current manager is planning to phase out in the near future, and that I would then take over completely. This was a big move for me and my family. I had been a department #2 for the past few years, so this was a step up on the career ladder.

Since I started, people have been referring to the co-manager as my boss. I fluffed it off and figured they have been used to this person for years, I’m new, etc. But today at an all-stall meeting, the CEO passed out a new org chart that has me below the co-manager, not in line. They went a step further and changed the other manager’s title to senior manager, which was a surprise to the other manager. They cemented to everyone else that I do NOT co-lead my department. It is a blow to my ego, but it also makes me feel cheated. It also makes it awkward for me to communicate the way I need to with other department heads at times.

What they did here is effectively demote me, making this a lateral job move. I switched jobs to move up in my career. This was not the deal. What do I do?

You say something, immediately! As in, “My understanding when I accepted the job was that I would be co-leading the department with Jane, and it was a big reason that I accepted the position. This org chart has me below Jane. Can you help me understand the discrepancy?”

Is it possible that by “co-lead,” they meant that you’d be helping to run the department as Jane’s second-in-command? Or were they explicit that the two of you would be peers? If the latter, you’ve got to speak up right away — the longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be to get it addressed.

4. Should my resume label my internships as internships?

I’m fairly new to the job market and I want to work in media. I recently sent my resume off to be critiqued by someone who’s been working in the industry for a while. When I got my resume back, the internship positions weren’t in their own section or labeled as internships. I’ve tried to ask this person why they didn’t identify my internship experience as such, but they’ve been busy and haven’t gotten back to me. I’ve assumed that maybe they did it to make me look more experienced, but I’m afraid if prospective employers call my internships to ask about what kind of employee I was they’ll feel lied to, and my former internships will be annoyed with me.

I’ve been told people in the media do things so maybe that’s it, but I feel uneasy. Are you familiar with this practice at all? Should I just label my internships as internships?

Your internships don’t need to be in a separate Internship section; it’s fine to have them in your regular Work Experience section. Usually the title of the role will make it clear that it’s an internship — the title is “intern” or “media intern” or whatever. If that’s not the case, you can add it in parentheses after the title, like this: “Communications Assistant (internship)”

5. Required attendance at an inconvenient “staff appreciation” event

Our smallish company has decided to make our next staff appreciation event a requirement. If you do not attend, you will be written up. Our job is one where someone is always working, every hour of the day, and it is impossible to schedule these events so that everyone may come. Those who are scheduled at that time will be excused. My problem is I work the night shift, and I would typically be sleeping during the event. I have asked to be excused, and was told no. My counterpart on nights has to come in on her off week and pay her sitter extra, all in the name of staff appreciation. We don’t feel appreciated. Are we wrong, or is this just crappy?

You are not wrong. It’s crappy, and it’s extraordinarily wrong-headed to treat people badly in the name of “appreciation.”

Given the night shift issue, I’d say, “In order to attend, I’d need to have the day before and the day after off, or I won’t get any sleep. Would you like me to do that, or does it make more sense for me to skip the event?”