Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I cut short an interview if it’s clear the candidate isn’t right?

So if I’m interviewing a candidate, and five minutes into the interview it’s become painfully clear that I would never, EVER hire this person, is there some way to gracefully end the charade at that point and recover the time that would otherwise be wasted? It seems rude to just stand up, shake hands, say “thanks for coming in” and show them out when we’re only a few minutes into the meeting. But it’s disingenuous to pretend that there’s any reason for continuing, other than just common courtesy, and not damaging the firm’s reputation in the recruiting community. Suggestions?

It depends on the reasons. If the candidate did something openly offensive — made a racist or homophobic comment, for example — you absolutely can cut things short and say why. Alternately, if there was some sort of miscommunication — like the job truly requires experience with X and somehow this person was invited to interview without it — I’d argue it’s often more considerate to be up-front about that: “I’m so sorry, I’m not sure how this wasn’t caught earlier, but we wouldn’t be able to hire you for this position without X.” Similarly, if they say something that indicates this is the opposite of what they’re looking for, it’s not unreasonable to say, “You mentioned you’d never want a job doing X and the majority of this job is X — does it make sense to keep talking?”

But if it’s something more amorphous like “I just don’t like this person” or “they don’t seem very bright,” do the full interview, or something close to it. Use that time to test your conclusions because sometimes those sorts of amorphous feelings can be rooted in some kind of unconscious bias and it’ll make you a better interviewer to interrogate that instinct. (And other times it’s based on something important, and that’s valuable to figure out too.)

Aside from those situations, this is someone who made the time to come in and meet with you and it will come across rudely (and potentially generate bad will toward your company) if you end things after five minutes. You don’t need to do the full amount of time you set aside, but do at least half an hour. You can use that time to test your conclusions and make sure they’re correct, and it’s an investment in courtesy and good will.

A lot of job seekers will say they’d rather you just tell them on the spot so you’re not wasting their time … but in reality a lot of people who say that also feel insulted by really short interviews. So I’d err on the side of the organization’s interest in preserving its relationships with people.

2. We were told “you’ll get paid when you get paid, and don’t ask about it”

I do volunteer work for a local nonprofit and get paid stipends for transportation costs. The type of work I do has me out in the community multiple times a week, sometimes out of town. I love my work, but I have recently run into a problem. Getting paid has never been on a schedule, but has always been in a reasonable time frame (no more than two weeks). Recently, my boss informed my team that for the foreseeable future, due to restructure within the organization, we will get paid when we get paid, and it may be a while. Also, please don’t ask about it because they don’t know when that will be.

I am the only person on my team who doesn’t drive, so I am reliant on Uber and Lyft or coworkers to get to engagements. I am on disability and don’t have extra money to spare while waiting to get paid. Not getting paid in a timely manner means that I will not be able to take on other engagements until I get paid for the ones I have already completed and I don’t see how this is sustainable for the long term, as we sign up for engagements weeks in advance. I don’t want to sign up, discover I haven’t been paid a few days before an engagement and have to back out at the last minute leaving my team in the lurch. How can I talk to my boss about this when they have already said don’t ask about when you’ll get paid?

Yeah, no one should have to float money to the organization for an indefinite period of time, and particularly not volunteers.

You have a lot of leverage because you’re presumably more willing/able to walk away than if it were a paying job. Say this to your boss: “It’s not possible for me to float money to the organization for an indefinite period of time, and I can’t sign up for engagements without knowing for sure that the transportation costs will be reimbursed quickly. Given that, how do you want me to proceed? Should I stop volunteering altogether until it’s solved?”

This isn’t “asking when we’ll be paid” when you were told not to ask that, although that’s an unreasonable edict anyway. It’s asking how and whether to proceed volunteering for them in light of this info.

3. Will it look bad to skip my former boss’s retirement party?

I’ve worked for the same large organization for over 20 years in a variety of roles. My job for the past two years has been the best fit for my skill set and values. Prior to that, I worked for seven years under a notoriously demanding, self-centered, controlling, and mercurial manager, Ron. We had a high-performing team in part because Ron was constantly pushing us out of our comfort zone, but it was a toxic work environment. It negatively impacted my marriage and work-life balance and led to anxiety and burnout. I took extended medical leave twice to cope and recover.

When I saw the internal posting for my current role, Ron said he was supportive of me transferring over. However, he made his permission conditional upon me finding my own replacement, as well as filling other vacancies on the team before I left. He also delayed my start date for the new position repeatedly.

In hindsight I wish I had pushed back because it wasn’t fair to expect me to find my own replacement. I worried I would lose the opportunity if I did push back, though. The transition was one of the most stressful times in my life and I was at my lowest point mental-health-wise ever by the time I started in my new role.

Now, Ron has announced his retirement and is throwing a party. Many former and current colleagues and executives will be attending. I have zero interest in spending an afternoon listening to speeches about how great Ron is. I don’t feel that I could honestly say to his face that I will miss him or that working for him was a good experience. I would also be out of pocket $40 for a ticket, as well as a half day of PTO to attend.

Would it be a bad look, career-wise, if I simply didn’t go? If people at my organization (including Ron) ask me why I’m not attending, what should I say? I don’t feel that I would use him as a reference in the future but my absence might be noticed.

Unless there are politics around this that you didn’t mention, it probably won’t look particularly bad to skip the party, particularly since it’s in a different location and you have to buy a ticket. If it were being held in your office during work hours and you didn’t have to pay to attend, I’d say to at least consider putting in a brief appearance, just as the path of least resistance. Plus you could look at it as a celebration of never having to see Ron again — a “good riddance” party in your head.

But needing to pay money and use a half day of PTO? That changes the calculus and can you just have a scheduling conflict if anyone asks you about it.

Read an update to this letter. 

4. Coworker shrieks disruptively

I live in a city renowned for its wind and regular earthquakes. We have a staff member who, the moment they think they feel an earthquake, shrieks and jumps up from their desk and hurries away. Not only is this behavior unsafe (drop, cover, hold!), it also disrupts the entire office of 20.

How do we approach this behavior? It has been allowed to continue for several years so we are on the back foot but, seriously, it is not okay. Our conflict-averse boss won’t approach the behavior with a barge pole. We are about to enter a period of two years of construction right next to our building in which will include heavy earth moving machinery and piling which will shake the building. Daily. HELP.

“Jane, could you please not keep shrieking like that? It’s incredibly disruptive.” Maybe add, “We’re starting two years of construction which is likely to shake the building daily, and shrieking is more disruptive than the construction is.”

If Jane truly can’t control her panic reaction, she should talk to your employer about how to accommodate that; maybe she needs a more isolated workspace where she’s less likely to disturb people.

If that doesn’t work, you should keep pushing your boss to step in. Conflict-averse managers can sometimes be moved to action if you make it more painful for them to continue not acting than to finally just act.

5. My interviewer really pitched me on the company … but then I was rejected

I was recently rejected for a job and that hurt a lot. One of the reasons it hurt so much was that the person interviewing me spent a lot of time singing the praises of the company’s environment and benefits and describing how various employees quickly climbed the corporate ladder, etc. She also went through the day-by-day schedule with me and presented the onboarding and training processes in detail. This was the first interview. (Also, an acquaintance works there for more than 10 years so I happen to know that the working environment and opportunities are truly exceptional.)

I knew from the beginning that I was not among the strongest candidates (I’m missing some technical training but the interviewer did not focus on this). The thing is that through this enticing company presentation, she made me feel that they feel very strongly about bringing me on board and that she gave me points on why I should choose them.

Is this normal and I’m overreacting? Do interviewers put so much effort into making the job/workplace seem so attractive even for candidates that are not so strong?

Yeah, it’s pretty common for companies to try to sell themselves to candidates, even before the finalist stages. It’s not a sign that they’re going to make you an offer; it can just be part of their standard process for all candidates. Just as you’re showing them the reasons they should consider hiring you, good employers want to show you the reasons you should consider working there — and on both sides, that’s before either of you have made a decision.

When you’re interested in a job, it’s really easy to read too much into this kind of thing, so it’s helpful to actively try to read as little as possible into what your interviewer’s intentions might be. It’s generally impossible to interpret interviewers’ behavior with any kind of accuracy … and even if they did love you and think in the moment that you’d be their top candidate, that can change two hours later when they interview the next person. If you can stay really clear on that in your head, it can make the whole process feel less emotionally battering.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I ignored my boss because I was trying not to cry

I recently started working part-time at a mental health support phone line. Part of my boss’s job is supporting us in managing the emotional aspects of our work.

Yesterday, when she came and checked in and asked if I was okay (she felt I seemed down when I greeted her), to my horror I suddenly felt tears welling up! I thought I was doing okay and had even just resolved a major stressor, but I guess it’s been a rough week/month/year so that comes out very occasionally when someone asks sincerely about it.

I went dead silent because I was afraid I would cry (and be unable to stop) if I said anything. Plus, I didn’t think I could articulate what was wrong, because it felt like it was the culmination of a lot of things but also kind of nothing, if that makes sense. Eventually, after an awkward silence, she basically said, “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it” but in a tone that was kind of “that was a bit rude/strange.” She also told me to take a break if needed. I changed the subject, regrouped in the bathroom, and went back to work.

I didn’t end up saying anything because I was worried about drawing attention to it, but should I have sent an email apologizing or said anything about it later? I hate being rude!

If part of your boss’s job is to support you in managing the emotional aspects of your work, she probably realizes silence is a response someone can have when they’re overwhelmed with emotion or something is difficult to talk about. She might have thought it was a little strange but, given the context of what she was asking, probably not rude. That said, you could smooth it over now by saying, “I’m sorry I went totally silent when you asked if I was okay. I thought I was, but when you asked that I got hit with a wave of emotion that blindsided me a bit. I’m doing okay though.” (Leave off that last part if you are not doing okay.) If you feel awkward saying this, it would be fine to stick it in an email instead!

I do think it’s worth following up with something, just to close the loop on that interaction.

2. My ex-employer included a message in an email that I wasn’t supposed to see

I’ve been in a back-and-forth with my former HR due to lay-off miscommunication. I signed off from my job, apparently, at the end of June.

I’ve had questions about severance and extended benefits, so when I write to my HR contact, Caroline, I usually include her boss, Wendy, mainly because I’m vindictive and think that if this company wanted to lay off 1,300 of us, Wendy should hear about it too, even though she likely won’t read it.

The last time, in which I got a massive e-train of information from Caroline, it included forwards to Tracy (other HR in different location). In the midst, Caroline stated, “I am copying Big HR Person as this employee (me) likes to copy Wendy.” Obviously, I wasn’t supposed to see that line, which is basically conveying that they think I am a pain in the ass.

Without cc’ing anyone, I thanked Caroline for her help and asked her if she had wanted me to see that line.She said: “No, please disregard. Let me know if I can help you.”

The squishy me would like to write back and tell her: Hey, no worries, shit happens. And I would also like to explain why I cc Wendy when I write (for example, to keep track of papers that didn’t get processed, and I am 56 and am dead at the idea of being laid off while the CEO got a bonus of $1.3 million). I would like to let Caroline know we are both human and I’m not asking these questions as a joke but because it matters to my life.

The steely me just wants to not answer Caroline right now, get my answers from Tracy, keep dealing with my union, but never forget this little insult that I wasn’t supposed to see and never write back to her to tell her it’s okay. (I don’t think she cares, really.)

I don’t think it’s much of an insult, really! You do like to copy Wendy; that’s factual. She noted that she’s copying a higher-up because you’ve shown a tendency to involve them. That’s pretty reasonable. I know it feels like the subtext of “likes to copy Wendy” is “i.e., she’s a pain in the ass” and I understand why (that probably is the subtext) … but I still don’t think you actually saw anything that’s terribly shocking or insulting!

If you hadn’t already written back to ask if you were meant to see that line, you could have instead said something like, “I saw you mentioned that I copy Wendy, so I wanted to explain I’m doing that because I want to guard against the previous mistakes in how this was handled.” But since you’ve already flagged it, I’d just leave it where it is. I don’t think Caroline needs a “no worries” message of reassurance, and I also don’t think denying her that will send any particular message.

You’re very emotionally invested in this — which is completely normal and understandable! — but they are much less so. You’re better off just focusing on getting what you need and disconnecting emotionally from the whole thing as much as possible. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.

3. Is reneging on a job offer unethical?

I recently started an MBA program. The career center here has made it clear to students that if you renege on a job offer (i.e., accept, and then later decline, an offer, usually because you received a better one) you can be fined up to $20,000 and lose lifetime access to career services at the university. This penalty seems harsh, but I can understand it from their point of view in that it makes the school look bad to companies if people back out of accepted offers (and it messes with the company’s recruiting plans, and maybe they won’t want to return to recruit at our school if it happens a lot, etc.).

What I disagree with is that the school justifies this policy by saying that it is “unethical” for the student to reneg an offer. After years of reading AAM, I totally disagree. The company would pull an offer from me in a heartbeat if their plans changed, and I don’t know why I should care more than they would.

I brought this up with some of my classmates, and they agreed with the school’s policy — that reneging was unethical. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Yeah, I can’t really call it unethical; it’s business. It’s true that when you accept an offer, you’re giving your word and making a commitment, and you shouldn’t do that cavalierly. But companies do pull offers when their circumstances change, and if we accept their right to do that, it needs to go both ways.

I do think continuing to actively search once you’ve accepted an offer is unethical — just as it would be unethical for a company to offer you a job and then continue to search for better candidates, with the intent of pulling your offer if they find someone they prefer. And I can see the school’s point of view — they depend on relationships with companies to recruit their students, and they don’t want to jeopardize those relationships — although that penalty is really harsh.

4. Talking about skills learned as a Wiccan priestess when interviewing

I’m applying for a job and have come upon an issue I just can’t decide how to approach! I am a Wiccan priestess. I perform the functions of this role at my home and mostly as a volunteer, although I do charge a small fee to perform weddings. There are a lot of skills I’ve developed over the years that I have done this work with the Circle I lead, such as organizing, planning, writing, coordinating events, and communication. I teach monthly classes as well. Most of these skills are very relevant to the job I’m applying for, which is not a religious or spiritual role at all. Which is fine! I firmly believe that work and religion should be separate. But for the life of me I can’t think of how to translate this experience into a work context! I’d like to be able to talk about it, somehow, without seeming weird. Do you have any suggestions, in case I get an interview?

I would love to be able to tell you there’s a way to do this, because if you were in a more mainstream religion, there would be a way to talk about the pieces that were relevant to work (leaving the religious aspects out of it, of course — but a rabbi or minister could certainly talk about organizing, planning, writing, coordinating events, and communication). But the reality is that there’s still so much stigma against Wicca, and it’s seen as so offbeat in many quarters, that there’s a high risk of it hurting your candidacy more than it helps you. That sucks, it’s unfair, and yet it’s still the case.

(Or at least, that’s my advice for most fields. I can imagine there are some that are exceptions to it, like if you are applying for jobs that intersect with outside-the-mainstream spiritual communities in some way.)

5. How soon can I leave after a promotion?

I am in a job where organizational instability, a big budget deficit, and a generally rough outlook for our industry have combined into an unfortunate Frankenstein’s monster of employee discontent. Many people want out (and many of those out of the industry entirely), and when they go, we cheer their good fortune and also shudder because they aren’t replaced. I am all done with doing at least three people’s jobs while always looking over my shoulder for the latest nasty surprise, and am looking to get out as well.

When my former supervisor got out earlier this year (yay! for them), I inherited most of their work but not their title or salary. I did get a modest title and pay bump, but it’s not commensurate with what I’m now doing or enough to put up with the circumstances I’m doing it in. So, after getting a title bump, how soon is too soon to leave if you want it to count in your favor? If you are searching within a few months, does it suggest to potential employers that even though someone thought highly enough of you to promote you, you never actually learned to do the higher-level job or can’t hack it?

You can leave whenever you want, and it’s not going to suggest that you couldn’t hack it. However, if you leave within a few months of the title bump you’re most likely to get credit for earning the promotion but not as much for doing the higher level work. But in a situation like yours, that shouldn’t stop you!