Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should my former peers write a letter in support of my candidacy as their manager?

I applied for a management position within my department. This is in a group where I was a team lead previously, but left that role for a promotion to another group within the same department.

Several of my former colleagues in the group (the ones I would be managing) are very much behind me and want to write a letter to the director to support me as the hire for the open manager role. I am not sure if them writing a letter will help or hurt my chances. What is your opinion?

A letter will be weird (at least in most offices). It’s overly formal; they should just talk to the director and share their input. It’s important, though, that their input be focused on why you’d get great results in the role — if it focuses on how much they like you and you’re already part of the team and that kind of thing, it risks looking like they just want their friend as their manager, which is not a convincing argument and can actually raise concerns about how effective you’d be in the role. What you want them talking about are your skills.

(Keep in mind, too, that their own standing and reputations will matter here. If the director thinks they’re great at what they do and have good judgement, this could carry a lot of weight. On the other hand, if the director has concerns about those things and/or wants to bring someone in to change things, it could actually work against you.)

2. How can I help a staff member get better at thinking on her feet?

I work at a startup in a customer service-related role and am often on the phone with customers that need assistance getting their data into a format that works within our parameters. There is a significant amount of on-the-fly adaptation and problem-solving necessary when talking with these customers and addressing their individual needs, something that has always come naturally to me.

Our company is growing, and we’ve recently hired another employee to fill a similar role as I am. I am not this employee’s explicit manager, but I am primarily responsible for getting her up to speed and view myself as a de-facto manager/coach/spirit guide as she learns and acclimates herself.

She’s been here a month, is sharp as a tack and is a joy to have in the office. She accepts and adapts to constructive criticism and absorbs information at a fast rate. I have little doubt that she is going to be very successful in this role.

At the moment, the biggest thing we need to work on is that she can sometimes freeze up when on the phone with customers when they ask questions she doesn’t know how to answer. She has all the knowledge tools at her disposal to answer these questions, and typically when I help her with the answer, she already knew what it was, but it didn’t come naturally to her how to put the pieces together on the fly to get where she needed to go.

I’m pretty sure that this will improve as she encounters more and more unique situations and she gets more experience/confidence. That being said, I want to help her develop the ability to think on her feet. Are there any exercises you’re familiar with that we could do to help? I keep going back to how I learned how to do it, but all I can credit it with is that I played a lot of video games as a kid without reading the instruction manual.

Two things: Role-play and shadowing.

You can role-play customer calls with her, and give her feedback along the way. You can also let her shadow you or another experienced person who handles these calls well, so she gets some exposure to how other people field these questions.

In doing this, be explicit with her about the skill you want her to improve (“answering unanticipated questions from customers”) and the fact that you want to work with her to build that skill and help her get more comfortable doing it, so that she’s clear about the goal.

Read an update to this letter here.

3. Did I ruin my chances in this phone interview?

So I had a phone interview and I’m thinking I might have flubbed it and I can’t stop thinking of it. I basically let my nerves get the better of me and when it came to my turn to ask the interviewer questions, one of my questions was “do you think I would be a good fit for the role and the company?” I can’t tell if I’ve ruined my chances with that question. The interviewer was gracious enough to answer and said that it is hard to tell in 30 minutes but from what he had heard so far, he would say that at least at face value, he would consider me a good fit.

I then asked what he thought the biggest challenges of this role would be. He gave a well thought out response about it and instead of engaging him and responding to what he said, my mind froze and I said “Thank you so much for sharing with me the details of this role, I really like what I’ve heard and I hope to hear from you guys soon?”

I feel like a complete idiot for ending the interview so abruptly and I’m really wondering if I’ve screwed my chances? He did respond that he liked what he heard as well but I’m thinking he was probably being polite. I felt like the first part of the interview went well until it came my turn to ask the questions. Would you consider these to be deal breakers?

No. And on that second one, it’s actually annoying when a candidate turns their question for me into an opportunity to pitch themselves — it usually makes it seem like they’re not genuinely asking questions so much as finding ways to sell themselves. It’s perfectly fine to ask a question and just be satisfied with the answer.

On the first question you asked (“am I a good fit?”), I wish you hadn’t asked it, because it put your interviewer on the spot; see further discussion of the problems with that question here.

4. Employer wants me to address 15 different things in my cover letter

I’m in the midst of applying for a role at a university. The application portal merely requests a CV and cover letter (no guidance on length), and the info pack clearly states that I must address each of the specifications they are looking for. There are 15 specifications! If I addressed each and every one in my letter, it would be over 2 pages.

Typically when orgs do this, they also tell you which specification they will look for on your CV (and which they will assess from your letter and from interview). No such luck here.

Do I risk being thorough but looking obtuse by addressing all 15 in my letter (I would have a little intro paragraph and closing, but otherwise I’d copy their table and address each component)?

Or do I divide the specifications between my letter and CV as best I can, but risk that the HR screener won’t catch the ones I embed in my CV (I imagine they will be scanning with a checklist for the exact language).

Nope, in academia they apparently really want you to address all 15. They are weird.

5. Asking for post-rejection feedback when you didn’t get an interview

I have a question about asking for feedback after a rejection. Most of the requests for feedback I’ve heard of have come after an interview or phone screen–is it ever appropriate to ask for feedback if you don’t reach the interview stage?

A friend of mine recently put my resume into her employer’s employee referral program for a few jobs. They were a bit of a stretch for me, and this employer is known as a great place to work, so I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t end up getting called for an interview. I was pleasantly surprised, however, that I got a really polite rejection letter explaining that they wouldn’t be moving forward with my application for the position, but noting that they’d keep my resume on file.

I know that “keep your resume on file” is often just politeness, especially at an employer that’s flooded with good candidates for every job, but I was wondering–I want to shoot the person who emailed me the personalized rejection letter a quick email to thank them for letting me know, and say that I’d love to be considered for similar positions going forward. Would it be appropriate to add a line about how, if there was anything I could do to make myself a stronger candidate, I would love to hear about it? A lot of me feels like this would be ridiculous, because I never even got to the interview stage, and I do not want to turn into that weird candidate who handled rejection badly. That said, working for this company has been a goal of mine for so long, and if there’s anything I can do to make myself into a better candidate, I would love to know about it.

There’s nothing wrong with trying, although you’re a lot less likely to get substantive, useful feedback at the pre-interview stage.

However, I’m questioning if it even makes sense to do it in this case: It sounds like you know that these were stretch positions for you. If your qualifications weren’t a super strong match, that’s probably your answer right there. In general, I’d save feedback requests for cases where you really don’t know what your weaknesses were; you’re basically asking someone for a favor, and I’d save that for when the response is likely to be more useful to you.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I feel bad applying for the same job as my good friend and coworker

I started a job at a new firm, and I have become really good friends with a colleague. We go out together and I’ve even met her friends and her mother and been to her birthday celebrations.

I always knew a office manager role would come up that I was keen on, but she previously had done the job on a secondment while the office manager was on maternity leave, so I always said she should go for it. When the position came up, she was not keen on applying. I encouraged her to, as I believed I would not be considered for the role — until today, when the management told me I would be selling myself short if I did not apply.

I really want to apply, but I feel really bad as she has been with the company for years and is very well liked, and considering I encouraged her to apply in the first place, I’ll feel like a horrible person if I apply.

Well, only you can decide if you want the position enough to deal with any potential awkwardness, but I’d encourage you to apply to. Just be up-front with her about it — and do that now, because you don’t want to keep it a secret from her and then only tell her if you get the position, which would rightly make her feel you’d been dishonest with her.

Say something like this: “Jane encouraged me to apply for the office manager position too. I hadn’t planned to, and I do think you’d be great at it, which is why I’ve been pushing you to apply. But I’ve given a lot of thought to what she said, and I’ve decided I’d like to throw my hat in the ring too. I hope this doesn’t cause any awkwardness between us, and I will support you 100% if you end up getting it. But I’d regret it if I didn’t try too.”

2. When I’m interviewing in sweltering weather, do I have to keep my suit jacket on?

I had an interview last Friday in the D.C. area. The temperature was 99 degrees with 80% humidity. I drove in my car and had my suit with me, but in that heat I couldn’t put the jacket on. Even once inside the building and sitting in the lobby for 10 minutes, I tried putting the jacket on and immediately felt myself starting to warm up too much and was worried my face would be flushed and sweaty if I left it on. I was otherwise dressed in professional interview attire: a conservative blouse with a camisole underneath, a knee-length pencil skirt, close-toed kitten heels, and my hair pulled halfway up, but had the suit jacket draped over my arm or the back of my chair the whole time instead of being on me.

My instinct tells me that anyone who works and lives in this area knew exactly how hot and humid it was outside and probably forgave me for not putting on a jacket, but is it possible that it read as unprofessional? In the future, is it better to be sweaty and flushed in a suit jacket, or look more composed but be missing the jacket?

Nope, that was totally fine to do. Everyone knew why your jacket was off, and no one thought it was a sign that you pooh-pooh professional norms; it was a sign that you dressed appropriately but the weather had other plans and you are human. It was hot. Don’t worry about it at all.

3. What to say to interviewers who ask whether my temp job wants to hire me permanently

I’ve been a temp employee at a large organization for the past year and a half. It’s different than the type of job I went to school for, and seemed okay in the beginning, so I decided to stay at least a year to see if I liked it. I’ve decided that I like the work, but not the organization itself (and as far as I know, they don’t plan on hiring me anyway), so I’ve been job hunting for a few months.

Today someone called me about a job I applied to, and they asked, “So, does your current job have any intentions of hiring you?” and I said, “No,” because as far as I know they don’t (the recruiter said to not ask about if we’re getting hired, so I haven’t). My supervisor keeps giving me good feedback, and I feel I’m doing well, but there’s a lot of temps doing the same job (up to a couple dozen at any one time) and they only hired two people within the last year, so my chances of being hired were always pretty slim.

I feel like the fact that I’ve been at an organization who doesn’t want to hire me for so long makes it seem like there’s something wrong with me. Is there a different way I should answer this question besides saying “no”? Do I need to explain their “business plan” is to keep a ton of temp employees since that’s cheaper than permanent employees or something?

I’d add a little bit of context to the “no.” Otherwise it could mean “no, because they don’t like my work” or “no, because I’ve clashed with all of them, and yesterday I told the head of finance to go to hell.” But I wouldn’t get into temps being cheaper than permanent employees; it sounds overly critical (legitimate as it may be).

I’d say something like this: “I like the work and I’ve had good feedback, but my understanding is that they don’t make many permanent hires on the team I’m on.”

4. Attending a colleague’s funeral

A high level colleague recently lost her battle with cancer. The services are happening later this week. I was not close to the colleague and didn’t know her very well, but had worked with her a bit. What’s the etiquette on attending a wake and/or memorial service? Our company has ~ 150 people. My attendance is complicated because I am moving to a new apartment on the days of the services. So I might be able to attend depending on how things are going with the move. Just curious if you or your readers have any insight into what the general rule of thumb is when it comes to this type of situation.

I’m on record as saying that I think you should always go to funerals, but I don’t think that obligation gets triggered here since you didn’t know your colleague well. (In the earlier post I linked to, the letter-writer described a closer relationship with the colleague.) I think it would be fine to skip it (and probably others at a 150-person company will too) — but if you can, send a card to the family.

5. Relocation package is way too low

My husband received an unsolicited recruiter call from an internal recruiter that lead to a slam dunk interview, and the verbal offer has been made twice now. My confusion is in the refusal to cover the move. They contacted him, they knew he wasn’t local, and so far they are only offering us $5k to move. After taxes, that’s approximately $3,350. There is no way to move us from Texas to Colorado on that little money. This strikes me as poor etiquette. Am I wrong?

It’s not really a matter of etiquette, although you could argue that it’s short-sighted management, if it means they’re going to lose their top candidate over it and he’s worth the additional expense. In any case, he can certainly try negotiating for more, though, and can point out that the move would be prohibitive without $X.

One other thing to keep in mind: While lump sum relocation payments are indeed taxable, payments made by the employer directly to the moving company aren’t taxable — and you could avoid being taxed on the whole thing if they do it as an expense reimbursement.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should we pay for spouses to fly to our company anniversary party?

I am helping my boss plan a 3-day, 2-night 20th anniversary party for the company. Employees and their spouses are invited. My boss said that he will pay for all meals, entertainment (yacht cruise, golf, spa), and car service to and from airport for everyone but will only pay for the employee’s flight expense, not the spouses’. If he is encouraging spouses to attend, shouldn’t he pay for everything? Some families can’t afford the airline ticket.

Well …. I see your line of thinking, but this is really a work trip, masquerading as a social event. As a work trip, it makes sense that only employees’ airline tickets are covered. It doesn’t seem wildly unreasonable to me to say that while spouses are welcome, they’d need to cover their own airline tickets — and that would be a pretty big expense for the company to cover for all those people. And it’s not like spouses have to attend — presumably in cases where they don’t, it would be just like other work travel where spouses don’t come along. Yes, this trip happens to be for a party (and I do think that makes it a little less black and white than if it were, say, a work retreat), but it’s still a work event, not a social one.

2. My fired coworker wants me to forward her contact info to people we worked with

My former coworker is trying to stay in touch professionally through me. She was fired almost one year ago, and while we’ve stayed on relatively friendly terms (not the case for most of our small office), our relationship hasn’t been the same since – especially since I was given her position. She emailed me asking if I can send her contact information to students she’s worked with in the past who may want to stay in touch with her professionally (it was an academic advising position).

I don’t want to burn bridges, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to do that especially since she was let go (versus quitting). If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t even think about asking that. Am I overreacting?

Nope, I think you’re right to feel uneasy. Sending her info along to the students you serve feels a bit too close to an endorsement of her and her work, and since there’s no way to do this without it appearing to be coming from you in your professional capacity (representing your employer), I think you have to pass. You could say something like, “I don’t think I’m supposed to do that — sorry I can’t help!” If you want to, you could point out that she might be able to reach out to some of them on LinkedIn.

3. How can we implement at-will employment in a fair and just way?

I’m in charge of a church. For the past couple of decades, our workers were employed by annual contracts which expired at the end of every year, stipulated mediation in the case of conflict, and required severance pay if the church prematurely severed the contract, without exception. Following the movement within churches, generally, we’re in the process of moving to at-will employment. This seems great to me, but an issue has come up I’d like your thoughts on.

One of my employees points out that at-will employment isn’t particularly just or equitable to the employees. Additionally, the possibility of being fired for no reason at all, while legal, stands in direct conflict with our organization’s stated value of seeking justice for all people. While I don’t intend to fire anybody without cause, it does seems odd to have employment procedures that lack any such protections given our values. The issue is slightly complicated by the way clergy (like me) are employed: with a letter of agreement that includes some protection from causeless firing.

My questions for you: Is this a reasonable issue? If so, how do we build justice and equity into our employment system without going back to annual contracts or to opening ourselves to liability in case of criminal behavior?

Why not commit to a progressive discipline policy, where you lay out specific steps that you’ll follow before anyone is fired? These are pretty common and generally include a series of warnings that escalate in seriousness before someone is let go. (Generally they also include language about exceptions to the policy, since you want to retain the flexibility to fire someone without a series of warnings if they’re, say, embezzling or if they punch someone. Here’s an example.) A policy like that will let you be transparent to your staff about how you handle problems and assure people that they won’t be fired out of the blue.

4. My employer asked for six more months of notice

I ran across your site trying to come up with a solution to this problem, and was wondering if you might have some advice. I work as a software developer at a small startup company (11 employees). I’m the lead software developer, but am looking to go back to school in the fall, and could have my entire master’s paid for doing research for the school. I told my company I was looking at other opportunities about a month ago, and even asked them for a letter of recommendation (which my boss was happy to give).

I’ve now got an offer for the research position, though I told them I would like to discuss how much longer my current company would need me for in order to find a replacement. The school agreed to this, but when I approached my employer and asked what would be appropriate (my suggestion was I could start working for the research company in 3 months if need be, which I figured would be plenty of time), he asked me if I could put off the new job for nine more months, saying I have too many projects I’m working on, and they don’t have the resources or time to recruit a new developer right now. He said my leaving before they were completely set up with a new developer familiar with all the projects and my work would put the company in jeopardy.

I really like and get along with my boss, and this is also my first time leaving a company this small. Is this a reasonable request for a startup company? I don’t want to wait 9 months, but I also want to be reasonable, and I really do want the company to succeed. Do you have any advice on how to talk to my boss?

What?! No, that’s crazy. Since this is a startup, maybe your boss has no exposure to how this works, but it would be highly unusual — almost unheard of — for your new job to be willing to wait nine months for you to start. One month, two months, sometimes three months (although in many jobs that’s really pushing it), but asking for more than that is going to really come across badly to your new employer, who needs someone to start now or close to now. Even if asking for three months, you’d want to present it as “I don’t know if this would be possible on your end, but I’d love to wrap up some projects here and start in September — is that at all feasible? I understand if not.”

Employees leaving with a reasonable amount of notice (which is generally two to four weeks, depending on your field) is a normal part of doing business. You’re not responsible for them being left short-handed, or obligated to wait until they “have time” to hire someone new. Their saying that to you crosses so far over into the realm of outrageous that I gasped out loud when reading your letter — which I say in order to hopefully convince you that this is not a normal or okay request.

You leave when it’s good for you and your new employer. Your old employer makes do. That’s how this works.

5. Is this time-off policy fair?

My employer has suddenly changed our vacation / sick days policy. I work in a pediatric dental office and the doctor wants all employees working on any days that the kids are off from school. At the present time, this only relates to the schedules of two very large school districts but there could be more included in the future. The districts do not share calendars, so there are many days when the students are not in school. To complicate things even more, elementary, middle and high school in the same district have closures on different days.

If our planned vacation or a sick day falls on a school closure day, the doctor charges us for two days off instead of one. Of course, none of the employees consider this to be fair, especially since there are very few weeks that do not include a school closure. Also, some of us need to plan vacations long before the schools distribute their yearly calendars so there is no way to plan around them. Is this a legal practice?

Yes. It’s basically a way to create a disincentive to take those days off. Think of them sort of like vacation black-out days, which are days some offices have that you can’t take off at all. In your case, you can take them off but they’ll “cost” you more, because they don’t actually want you to take off then.

However, it’s certainly unfair if you’re not able to know very far in advance what days will be impacted by the policy, and it’s unfair if it means there are few ways to take off a full week without being impacted by this. It would be worth talking about whether there are other ways of ensuring that the office has adequate coverage on those days.