Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager uses IM to monitor me

I hate work instant-messaging. My manager uses IM as a time tracker for me and sets alerts to let him know when I’m away and when I’m back (even though I sit in front of him in a half-cube). I’m a senior manager at a large corporation – aren’t I paid to do the job? I do my job well and get kudos from coworkers regularly. I volunteer for more work or to help team mates when my workload is light.

My manager has already confronted me once for being away from my desk too much or coming back from lunch five minutes late. This isn’t an hourly position and when a project warrants, I work through lunch or whatever is required to deliver on schedule. Basically, I’m a responsible grown-up. Is IM the new punch clock? And as a salaried employee, should I worry?

This is a problem with your manager, not with IM. I’d say this to him: “I’m meeting all my goals and excelling at X and Y. Have I given you reason to worry that I won’t manage my own time well?”

But someone who treats a senior person like this? Doesn’t bode well for your quality of life there.

2. My coworker keeps complaining about my schedule

Two months ago, I took a new job with the understanding that I would hours slightly different from the norm. I work from 7-4, while most everyone else works 8-5 and a few work 9-6 (I’m the only 7-4). When it’s really busy, I come in at 6 or even 5 a.m., or work from home in the evenings, but can’t stay past 4 due to a personal commitment and that was understood by my manager when she hired me and, frankly, she’s been great about it.

The problem is one of my coworkers is spreading the word that the “new guy is lazy because he leaves early every day.” I want to nip this in the bud, but at the same time my hours really aren’t any of his business. Sometimes this guy is passive-aggressive and schedules me to attend meetings from 4-5 pm. I decline the invites and simply say “please check my calendar to see my availability.” If he did this, he would see that I work 7-4.

Is this something I should mention to my manager? Should I just let it go? Saying “I work 7-4 and when it’s busy I come in at 5” sounds defensive, and I don’t think I really have anything to be defensive about. Thanks.

This guy is obnoxious.

At a minimum, you should say something to him like this: “Fergus, I work 7-4. Sometimes I come in earlier than that, but I leave by 4. I negotiated this schedule with Lucinda when I started. Do you have concerns about this?” (That last part doesn’t indicate his concerns would matter; it’s there to force him to either state his beef or stop complaining.) You should also make sure that you’ve been clear about your schedule with your coworkers, so that they know what’s actually up if they hear any weirdness from Fergus about it.

3. My company wants me to work during my FMLA leave

I am the only software developer at my employer. That means I am the only person with the knowledge, experience and skillset for several projects within the company. My wife and I are expecting our first child in the next few weeks. I will be taking time off under FMLA (which I am eligible for), and I verbally notified my company of this fact 6 months in advance of the due date. I also filled out the requisite forms 2 months in advance (as required by company policy).

In a department meeting, my boss casually mentioned that one of the executives was concerned what would happen if something broke during my absence. My boss told him (without consulting me), that they could call, and have me “VPN in” to fix something if it was broke. In my boss’ words, “he will still be around. He’s not going to be completely unavailable.” This conversation took place without any input from me. Is this a reasonable expectation, or would it constitute “FMLA interference”?

My understanding is that it’s reasonable to field short phone calls while on FLMA, as it’s considered a “professional courtesy”. For instance, if somebody needed to know where a file was, or needed to know the password for a website, it’s perfectly reasonable to call the employee and ask them. Doesn’t the water get murkier if they are asking me to log in and actively do work (even if it’s a “work emergency”)? Does the law (or court rulings) say anything about whether work can be done if the employee is the only one who knows how to do something?

In my mind, the company had 6 months to prepare a “contingency plan” for my absence. There was talk of adding another developer at one point (which would address most of these concerns), but that fell by the wayside. This is a major life changing event for my family, and there is no way that I will be available at my company’s beck and call. How do I gently tell my boss that my availability will be extremely limited and remind him of the FMLA regulations that they should abide by?

You are right. There’s no right to be left absolutely alone during FMLA leave; courts have ruled that fielding occasional calls about your job is a “professional courtesy,” as long as it’s “reasonable contact” limited to things like “inquiries about the location of files or passing along institutional or status knowledge.” However, asking or requiring you to perform work while you’re on FMLA is what can cross the line into interference.

I’d say this to your boss: “I want to make sure everyone’s on the same page about how things will be handled during my leave. I can definitely take an occasional phone call to give some quick info in an emergency, but the law on FMLA says that I shouldn’t be doing actual work. I don’t want this to cause any problems once I’m already on leave, so I want to make sure everyone is clear on that ahead of time, and that there are solutions lined up for whatever work does come up.”

4. Was I naive in offering honest feedback?

After our big annual event, the director of operations asked us for feedback and suggestions, saying all feedback would be compiled anonymously and used only to improve next year’s event. I replied with mostly positive feedback and a small suggestion to improve last minute communication. The director of operations immediately emailed me back a 6 paragraph response that boiled down to 1) Not my fault 2) There was no communication issue anyway 3) She was way too busy to think of the minutia 4) This didn’t affect you anyway, did it? (It did) 5) Thanks for the feedback. Let me know if you think of anything else.

I was clearly being naive in offering honest feedback. Am I right that I should just not respond and keep my mouth shut next year?

Apparently, yes (unless you’re senior to her, in which case you should both continue to give feedback and address the unhelpful response).

Believe what people show you about themselves. This person showed you she’s defensive and doesn’t take feedback well.

5. Was this bad reference for the wrong person?

My boyfriend has been interviewing at a city attorney’s office for months now. He was told the job was his, they just need HR to check references (2 supervisors). The first supervisor was from a job 3 years ago, which ended amicably. He reached out to his old supervisor to confirm he would be a reference but he never replied.

The employer contacted him and told him that this old employer gave him a really bad review, although no idea what he said (the second supervisor at his current company of 2.5 years was very positive). The current position he is interviewing for is still on the table but being reviewed by the “higher ups” and definitely at risk. He has a friend who works there and is fighting for him fortunately but isn’t any guarantee.

Should he reach out to that old employer and find out what happened and why he gave the bad review? There was a bad employee that worked at the office also named Jason that the reference maybe got confused with. Is it worth contacting him?

Yes. He has nothing to lose by reaching out, and potentially a lot to gain if it turns out that they were thinking of the wrong person.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. A coworker used our office and left a disgusting mess

My office mate, Kim, and I have a small shared office in our institution where office space is at premium. Over the last 10 years, we have acquired a small fridge and a Keurig and keep a well-stocked candy jar and healthy snacks. All of these are paid for by us, not our organization, and we have always been generous with our coworkers. Some regular visitors to the candy jar or Keurig put a $5 or a $20 bill in a little jar we keep tucked away, but this is the exception not the rule. To me, the extension of goodwill has reaped so many rewards that I consider it an expense worth making. Also, because we are in a prime location, we have been rather easygoing when our coworkers, many of whom have a 10-minute walk to their faraway offices if they need to make a quick call or a pit stop.

Kim and I both returned two days ago from time off. When Kim locked up for the evening on her last day, she emptied the trash, cleaned the office, and locked the door. Kim and I and my boss’s boss are (to our knowledge) the only people with a key. When we returned to work, it was apparent that someone had been working, and eating, in our office, specifically at my workstation. The trash was full of tossed food and wrappers, and there were food and crumbs on the floor and my desk. We were able to determine the culprit from papers left behind. When my boss’s boss stopped by to welcome us back, he mentioned this person by name as having been sitting at my desk. I casually asked if he had opened the office with his key and he said that he had not. We opted to not make an issue of it with him for many many reasons.

The person in question is not our supervisor and we work in an environment that is poorly managed and where morale is poor. In spite of that, Kim and I have always maintained a terrific work relationship and I want to respect her wishes. The dilemma is that Kim is more bothered by the intrusion and would like to say something to this person along the lines of “Please do not use our office without permission and it certainly wasn’t okay that you left a mess.” I want over it quickly and believe that trying to address it with our coworker will result in an overreaction on her part. Help!

Well, you’ve got a few separate issues here: the coworker using your office without permission, the mess left behind, and the question of who else has a key. In many offices, it wouldn’t be problematic for someone to use your office while you’re away. (In others, it would be, particularly if you work with confidential documents.) I’m going to assume that part isn’t a big deal in your environment since your boss’s boss wasn’t concerned. But it’s totally reasonable to say to the coworker, “Hey, there was quite a mess in our office when we returned. Bob mentioned that you were using it — do you know what happened?” It would also be reasonable to say, “We didn’t know anyone else had a key and are a little worried about access issues; how did you get in?”

2. Should I warn an organization that my friend would be a terrible hire?

I have a friend who I’ve known for many years who is interviewing at a nonprofit and I happen to know the people there in a social capacity: a few I’ve met at networking events, and one is a friend-of-a-friend who I’ve met with in a mentoring capacity (me being the mentor, she the mentee).

The thing is, my friend’s work history and outlook on work are horrible: she’s been fired, she gets bored quickly, she thinks she’s better than everyone she works with. On paper, though, she’s a good candidate. If she were to apply for a job at my company, I would not want to refer her. Since she’s applying for an organization where I know people, should I let them know about her work history and outlook, or is that unethical? No one at this organization knows that I know her and I’m sure they wouldn’t find out all these characteristics until it was too late.

It doesn’t sound like you know them well enough to justify it. If you knew them better, maybe. If I knew that a walking disaster was interviewing with, say, a former boss I was still close to, I’d speak up. But in this case, it doesn’t sound like you’re particularly close to anyone there. And really, if they do their due diligence before hiring (like checking references), this is stuff that should come out in that process. If they don’t, it’s really on them for not bothering to.

But you might suggest to your friend that she stay away from nonprofits, where she can actually do real harm to organizations with missions she might care about.

3. My cold, clammy hands aren’t suited for handshakes

I tend to have clammy hands (not too bad, to the point of drenched, but clearly cold and slightly damp). While that sounds gross, it will feel even more gross to interviewers or just about anyone! This must affect that impression of me somehow, a “Hi! …yeesh.”

I have tried wiping my hands with tissues before interviews, but the air conditioning worsens it, nor does wiping entirely remove the damp, cold feeling. I’m so embarrassed to shake people’s hands. Is it ever okay to reject a handshake or to give them a candid warning about it beforehand?

If you reject the handshake, you’d need to give an explanation or it will come across as rude. “I don’t want to shake your hand with my cold, clammy grip” is probably not a great thing to say, so the best you could fall back on is probably “getting over a cold, probably fine but don’t want to risk it.”

But really, I’d try to just do the handshake. Discreetly wipe them on your pants just beforehand, if you can. And if they’re clammy anyway, people are really unlikely to care, I promise.

4. Brainteaser interview questions

What do you think of the latest trend in interviews of asking bizarre questions like “How many street lamps are there in ?” or “How many buckets of sand will you need to fill this room to the brim?” etc. The idea is that interviewers don’t expect right answers – they just want to assess how you think and rationalize. Good idea or gimmicky? I personally dislike it because I can never think of a logical answer without thinking it sounds absolutely stupid.

That’s no new trend — Google has been asking those interview questions for years. They’d want you to think through the scenario out loud so that they could get a look at how you solved problems.

But they actually stopped asking them a couple of years ago after determining that the way candidates answered them wasn’t actually predictive of how strong an employee they’d be. They now rely more heavily on behavioral interview questions (“tell me about a time when…”), as every good interviewer should do.

5. What should I be doing during my notice period to leave my job in good shape?

I’m a low level employee leaving a marketing role in a nonprofit. My employer doesn’t cross-train anyone so my skill set isn’t replicated anywhere else in the company. I gave my two week notice and my manager seems really lost – he’s a new manager and he’s never had someone leave his team before. It’s been a few business days since I gave notice and my manager keeps coming by my desk saying “We need to talk about your transition plan, but I don’t have time right now.” (Just for the record, I’m not leaving at a particularly busy time for the organization – I get the feeling he’s in denial about this, which is a common way he copes with bad news.)

Aside from that, I still want to leave the role as prepped for my replacement as possible. I can’t seem to find any information online about what to do or prepare in the last two weeks of a job. I know to wrap up my projects as best I can and to leave a list of passwords – that’s all that I received from my predecessor when I started here – but that doesn’t feel like enough to me. What else do you recommend people to do during their final two weeks to prepare for their replacement and/or leave their departments in good standing?

Try to schedule a meeting with your boss. Reach out and say this: “Can we set up a time to meet to go over what you’d like me to complete before I leave and where my projects” stand?

Aside from that, you should leave as thorough documentation of how you do your job as time allows, lists of passwords and contacts, and notes on where projects stand.

But ultimately, if he’s in denial and doesn’t agree to that meeting, there’s only so much you can do — and that’s on him, not you.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My new coworker told me that my boss gets her way because she’s hot

I just started a new job and am meeting with the different department heads to get an overview of their responsibilities and how my department helps them. During my one-on-one with my coworker Carla, she said how my department has made incredible progress over the past year due to the department’s new VP Beth (my boss). Carla said Beth has made dramatic changes that no one else could get done. I smiled and said Beth was a rockstar. Carla just nodded and said, “Our CEO turned down the same ideas from everyone else. But Beth is smoking hot and she has him eating out of her hand. A gorgeous body gets results.”

I thought she was kidding around (in poor taste, but whatever) and kind of smiled nervously, and Carla continued, “No really. All Beth has to do is swish her hair around, while the rest of us have to grovel.”

It was incredibly awkward. Normally I would say something like “I don’t think that’s appropriate” but it was literally my second day and I just froze. Beth IS a rockstar–professional, polished, incredibly smart with a wealth of experience–and yes, she is very beautiful. The CEO too is incredibly professional and very well-respected. How one earth should I proceed with this? Friends said I should say something to Beth, but I feel like that’s just useless gossip that will hurt her feelings and possibly injure working relationships. Any suggestions to how to handle it if Carla says something like this again?

Ick, that’s gross and offensive.

If she says something like this again, you should be prepared in the moment to say, “I’m really surprised to hear you say that. I’ve been incredibly impressed with Beth, and comments like that are so harmful.”

I can see why you’d feel awkward mentioning this to your boss when you’re so new and you’re not really responsible for taking on this battle as a new employee … but at whatever point you do feel like you have rapport with your boss, I hope you’ll mention it to her.

And mentally mark Carla as someone to keep your distance from.

2. Should I change the salary range I sent an employer since I haven’t heard back from them?

I’m an unemployed university graduate, desperately looking for a full-time career. Recently, I applied for a job that my network suggested to me. Knowing someone internal, combined with my skills and experience for the job, I was confident that I had a fairly good shot.

The manager got back to me within 24 hours of submitting my application, asking for a salary expectation. I have never been asked to provide a salary expectation before so I did an extensive research on the average salary for similar jobs. I gave a very flexible range, willing to take the lowest end of what I offered. I also emphasized I am open to negotiate based on the budget.

It has been a week since I replied and have not heard back from the manager. I really want this job and I don’t want to be rejected because of the salary expectation I offered. Do you think it’s okay to send a follow-up email on the status of the application with a revised lower salary expectation?

No, don’t do that. For all you know, the delay has nothing to do with your answer and everything to do with the fact that hiring processes take a long time, usually much longer than candidates expect. If you send a follow-up email now saying “No, wait, I’ll go lower” just because you haven’t heard anything, it’s likely to just make you look like a weaker candidate.

3. My boss told my coworkers about my depression

I manage a small office, and I really like my boss. He is compassionate and helpful. However, I recently disclosed to him that I am struggling with a mental health issue, and proposed that I come in late one day every other week so that I could seek treatment. My boss was very understanding and approved the time off.

However, last week I found out that he told two of the people that I manage why I’m coming in late. This happened at a happy hour, and I believe his exact words were, “I don’t know if you’ve guessed where Jane is going in the mornings, but we really need to support her because depression is hard.” In his defense, my employees had sort of guessed what my “doctors appointments” were, but I still feel uncomfortable that it was a topic of discussion.

I’m really upset and don’t feel comfortable addressing this with him directly, but I also worry that going over his head will ruin our relationship. Do you have any advice?

Yeah, that wasn’t his to share. And it’s not because it’s depression, specifically, but because it’s inappropriate for him to share anyone’s medical details without their permission.

It would be reasonable for you to say to him, “Hey Bob, I recently heard from some of my staff that you shared with them that I’m dealing with depression. I want to be frank with you — I wish you hadn’t shared personal medical details of mine without my permission. Going forward, I’d like to think that you’ll keep things that I share with you of that nature confidential.”

4. Employer is demanding proof of my schedule outside of work

I got my first job back in January, at 18 and as a high school senior. However, recently the franchise owner has asked us to bring paper work to prove our requested days off and availability. There are no paid days off and I’m not even a full-time worker, so I’m a afraid that this is an invasion of privacy for me. Are they allowed to do so? Because if I can’t be available to work before 6 pm because I have a school project to complete, how am I to provide paper work for that?

They’re allowed to do it, but it’s ridiculous and not at all typical. I’d just say, “My availability is based on school and family commitments. I don’t have paperwork documenting that. If my schedule doesn’t line up with the needs of the job, I of course understand, but I’m not able to ‘prove’ my schedule to you.”

5. Interviews for jobs that turn out to pay much less than I said I was looking for

I have a good job but I am job hunting because I want to relocate. I’ve noticed a recurring phenomenon. On more than one occasion, I’ve completed automated applications, which require me to state my current salary in addition to stating my desired salary. Then a recruiter calls and does the phone screening, during which he asks again for my salary requirement. Then a face-to-face is scheduled. During that meeting, it is revealed that they can’t come within shouting distance of what I make now and want to know if I’ll work for substantially less. Last time, I made a 400-mile round trip for the interview only to discover the job paid $15,000 less than I currently make.

I’d like to know why they do this. Negotiation tactic? General jerkitude? Any ideas?

Inconsideration, mainly. When they ask you about salary at earlier stages, it’s reasonable for you to add “Is that in line with the range for this position?” after you state what you’re seeking. Also, before agreeing to travel for an interview, it’s reasonable to say, “Since I’ll be be traveling from out of state, can we first touch base on the salary range for the position to make sure that we’re in the same ballpark? I’m looking for $X — is that in line with what you’re planning to pay?”