my coworker attributes my boss’s success to her looks, changing the salary range I gave an employer, and more

by Alison Green on April 22, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My new coworker told me that my boss gets her way because she’s hot

I just started a new job and am meeting with the different department heads to get an overview of their responsibilities and how my department helps them. During my one-on-one with my coworker Carla, she said how my department has made incredible progress over the past year due to the department’s new VP Beth (my boss). Carla said Beth has made dramatic changes that no one else could get done. I smiled and said Beth was a rockstar. Carla just nodded and said, “Our CEO turned down the same ideas from everyone else. But Beth is smoking hot and she has him eating out of her hand. A gorgeous body gets results.”

I thought she was kidding around (in poor taste, but whatever) and kind of smiled nervously, and Carla continued, “No really. All Beth has to do is swish her hair around, while the rest of us have to grovel.”

It was incredibly awkward. Normally I would say something like “I don’t think that’s appropriate” but it was literally my second day and I just froze. Beth IS a rockstar–professional, polished, incredibly smart with a wealth of experience–and yes, she is very beautiful. The CEO too is incredibly professional and very well-respected. How one earth should I proceed with this? Friends said I should say something to Beth, but I feel like that’s just useless gossip that will hurt her feelings and possibly injure working relationships. Any suggestions to how to handle it if Carla says something like this again?

Ick, that’s gross and offensive.

If she says something like this again, you should be prepared in the moment to say, “I’m really surprised to hear you say that. I’ve been incredibly impressed with Beth, and comments like that are so harmful.”

I can see why you’d feel awkward mentioning this to your boss when you’re so new and you’re not really responsible for taking on this battle as a new employee … but at whatever point you do feel like you have rapport with your boss, I hope you’ll mention it to her.

And mentally mark Carla as someone to keep your distance from.

2. Should I change the salary range I sent an employer since I haven’t heard back from them?

I’m an unemployed university graduate, desperately looking for a full-time career. Recently, I applied for a job that my network suggested to me. Knowing someone internal, combined with my skills and experience for the job, I was confident that I had a fairly good shot.

The manager got back to me within 24 hours of submitting my application, asking for a salary expectation. I have never been asked to provide a salary expectation before so I did an extensive research on the average salary for similar jobs. I gave a very flexible range, willing to take the lowest end of what I offered. I also emphasized I am open to negotiate based on the budget.

It has been a week since I replied and have not heard back from the manager. I really want this job and I don’t want to be rejected because of the salary expectation I offered. Do you think it’s okay to send a follow-up email on the status of the application with a revised lower salary expectation?

No, don’t do that. For all you know, the delay has nothing to do with your answer and everything to do with the fact that hiring processes take a long time, usually much longer than candidates expect. If you send a follow-up email now saying “No, wait, I’ll go lower” just because you haven’t heard anything, it’s likely to just make you look like a weaker candidate.

3. My boss told my coworkers about my depression

I manage a small office, and I really like my boss. He is compassionate and helpful. However, I recently disclosed to him that I am struggling with a mental health issue, and proposed that I come in late one day every other week so that I could seek treatment. My boss was very understanding and approved the time off.

However, last week I found out that he told two of the people that I manage why I’m coming in late. This happened at a happy hour, and I believe his exact words were, “I don’t know if you’ve guessed where Jane is going in the mornings, but we really need to support her because depression is hard.” In his defense, my employees had sort of guessed what my “doctors appointments” were, but I still feel uncomfortable that it was a topic of discussion.

I’m really upset and don’t feel comfortable addressing this with him directly, but I also worry that going over his head will ruin our relationship. Do you have any advice?

Yeah, that wasn’t his to share. And it’s not because it’s depression, specifically, but because it’s inappropriate for him to share anyone’s medical details without their permission.

It would be reasonable for you to say to him, “Hey Bob, I recently heard from some of my staff that you shared with them that I’m dealing with depression. I want to be frank with you — I wish you hadn’t shared personal medical details of mine without my permission. Going forward, I’d like to think that you’ll keep things that I share with you of that nature confidential.”

4. Employer is demanding proof of my schedule outside of work

I got my first job back in January, at 18 and as a high school senior. However, recently the franchise owner has asked us to bring paper work to prove our requested days off and availability. There are no paid days off and I’m not even a full-time worker, so I’m a afraid that this is an invasion of privacy for me. Are they allowed to do so? Because if I can’t be available to work before 6 pm because I have a school project to complete, how am I to provide paper work for that?

They’re allowed to do it, but it’s ridiculous and not at all typical. I’d just say, “My availability is based on school and family commitments. I don’t have paperwork documenting that. If my schedule doesn’t line up with the needs of the job, I of course understand, but I’m not able to ‘prove’ my schedule to you.”

5. Interviews for jobs that turn out to pay much less than I said I was looking for

I have a good job but I am job hunting because I want to relocate. I’ve noticed a recurring phenomenon. On more than one occasion, I’ve completed automated applications, which require me to state my current salary in addition to stating my desired salary. Then a recruiter calls and does the phone screening, during which he asks again for my salary requirement. Then a face-to-face is scheduled. During that meeting, it is revealed that they can’t come within shouting distance of what I make now and want to know if I’ll work for substantially less. Last time, I made a 400-mile round trip for the interview only to discover the job paid $15,000 less than I currently make.

I’d like to know why they do this. Negotiation tactic? General jerkitude? Any ideas?

Inconsideration, mainly. When they ask you about salary at earlier stages, it’s reasonable for you to add “Is that in line with the range for this position?” after you state what you’re seeking. Also, before agreeing to travel for an interview, it’s reasonable to say, “Since I’ll be be traveling from out of state, can we first touch base on the salary range for the position to make sure that we’re in the same ballpark? I’m looking for $X — is that in line with what you’re planning to pay?”

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what to do when an employee announces she’s resigning … at some point but not now

by Alison Green on April 21, 2015

A reader writes:

My part-time employee called me to notify me that she has decided that she is going to be leaving because she has decided that she needs a full-time job with benefits. This is not an option in my small business, so I can understand her position. However, she also said that she is not giving her “official resignation” but that she wanted to let me know ASAP so that I would have a heads-up. She is searching for full-time employment, but when she will leave is unpredictable.

My question is how to best handle the situation for my business moving forward. I am currently training her on several aspects of her job, which feels somewhat pointless now that I know she is leaving. Should I post the position and start recruiting candidates to replace her? If I find someone, what if I want them to start before she gives her “official resignation”? Would that be considering firing her? I don’t want to put her out of a job prematurely, but I also risk having a gap in her position if I don’t start looking.

First, keep in mind that she did you a favor by letting you know ahead of time what her plans are — this is a good thing.

Second, keep in mind that other employees will be watching to see how you handle this, and may choose how much notice they themselves give based on how you handle this with her. Treat her well, and you can expect other people to give you generous notice. But push her out, and others may assume that they should never give more than two weeks.

Third, realize that if she hadn’t given you a heads-up and instead just gave you a standard two weeks notice, you would probably have a gap in coverage for position. That means that you shouldn’t proceed as if you absolutely must avoid a gap at all costs now; the only reason you even have a chance to avoid the gap is because she gave you an early heads-up.

That said, you’re right that you need to be able to plan. I’d sit down with her and say this: “I really appreciate you being candid with me about this. This obviously has implications for us, and I want to talk to you about what makes sense as far as planning on my side. Do you have a sense of your timeline? Once I start hiring a replacement for you, it will probably take about (X amount of time) to hire someone. Is there a way for us to try to get our timelines to line up, or for me at least to not be starting that search prematurely?

You can also say: “If you were definitely going to be here X months, I’d want to keep training you on Y. If you’re going to leave sooner, though, then it probably doesn’t make sense to keep doing that. What do you think is most likely?”

Of course, she probably won’t be able to answer these questions with pinpoint accuracy, but that’s not what you’re going for here. You’re just trying to get a better sense of what she’s thinking her timeline will be. Basically, you just want to have an open, honest conversation with her, so that you come out of it aligned with what’s in her head, and so that she continues to keep you in the loop as her plans become more specific. (And of course, make sure that she understands that you’re still counting on her to give you two weeks notice once she has an actual date in mind. Notice can’t be “I’m going to leave at some point in the future but don’t know when” followed by “Okay, it’s going to be tomorrow.”)

In doing this, you should factor in how strong of an employee she is. The better she is, the more flexibility you should give her, up to whatever point is realistic for the role. If she’s an absolute rock star, you might say, “I appreciate you telling me. I want to keep you as long as we can, so just keep me in the loop as your plans proceed and you get closer to knowing what your end date might be.” On the other end of that spectrum, if she’s someone who you’re not sad to lose, it’s not unreasonable to say, “I appreciate you telling me. So that I can plan on my side, let’s pick a rough point in the future for when I’ll plan to have your replacement hired. Would X weeks from now make sense?”

(As for how long X should be: For someone mediocre, X might be eight weeks. For someone you were thinking of firing before this happened, it might be four weeks. I wouldn’t normally recommend keeping someone around for a month when they’re bad enough to fire, but this is about taking advantage of the fact that now you don’t have to fire her, and that’s better for everyone involved … assuming that there’s no outright damage being caused by keeping her on, of course.)

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no-meeting Wednesdays, why you should say “done” more often, and more

by Alison Green on April 21, 2015

Over at Intuit QuickBase’s Fast Track blog today, I take a look at several big work-related stories in the news right now: the increasing use of no-meeting days, how saying “done” can make you more productive, and more. You can read it here.

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asking for a raise when I manage payroll and know what everyone else makes

by Alison Green on April 21, 2015

A reader writes:

I manage a team of ten at a small, rapidly growing company. When I became a manager a year ago, and the team I manage was only three people, I asked for at 15% raise and got 10%, which I was satisfied with. Since then, my responsibilities have expanded enormously, and I now run payroll for the whole company. Because of this, I know that the other manager at the company with a similarly-sized team makes 40% more than I do.

My yearly salary discussion is coming up soon, and I’m unsure how this affects my conversation. I know to never actually mention someone else’s salary in my own review, but I know the potential is out there. I am proud of my performance this year, have the data to back it up, and think I deserve a large increase, yet I know it is unusual to ask for a raise of even 20%. Knowing how other managers are compensated is making me feel unusually bold. How can I approach this without dragging other people’s numbers into the discussion?

You know, the typical advice on this is “never refer to what someone else is earning when making the case for why you deserve a raise.” But I’m going to tell you to ignore that.

The reality is, knowing what other people are making in your company is incredibly valuable: At a minimum, it tells you the range of what your company is willing to pay for different types of positions, and it tells you how various people are valued. In some cases, it can reveal systemic discrepancies by gender or other factors that shouldn’t show up in pay but often do. Injecting more transparency into what people are paid and why they’re paid it is a good thing.

That said, if those others bring different skills or experience or are juggling different responsibilities or are simply performing at a higher level and with better outcomes, any of those things would be legitimate reasons to pay them more and you less. And of course, a manager running a team of 10 skilled I.T. people is probably going to make significantly more than a manager running the team of 10 data entry people, and that makes sense. So it’s not just team size; you need to look at all the other factors too.

But if those factors are similar, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying, “Given my understanding of the range of what the company pays for similar positions, and given my work and contributions since moving into this role, I think I should be making $X.”

Also, keep in mind that you don’t want to base your actual case for a raise on what others are making. The information about other people’s salaries is just informing your thinking at a broad level about what your company’s salary structure looks like overall and what the rough range is for positions like yours. From there, your case needs to focus on why you, personally, have earned more within that structure — meaning that you should ground your thinking about what’s reasonable within what you know about salaries overall, but you’ll need to mainly talk about your work accomplishments and the value that you’ve shown to the company in the last year.

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liberating an employee from obligatory socializing, corporate headshots, and more

by Alison Green on April 21, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Liberating a coworker’s employee from obligatory socializing

A coworker, Jane, has a direct report who she expects to socialize with constantly– the two eat breakfast and lunch together every day, and there are weekly post-work drinks. From hints, it seems like the direct report feels obligated to attend all of these activities. I think Jane has a duty to keep things more professional, as the one with managerial power.

Is there a good way I can help? Things I’ve considered: invite the direct report to the occasional meal with me alone in hopes to gently encourage her to stand up for herself, or bring it up with Jane and brace against the inevitable stormy outburst and repercussions. I also don’t know with 100% certainty that the direct report needs “liberating” from this situation, though my gut feeling is she is too afraid to try and change the status quo after a full year of employment. Do I just stay out of this entirely and hope the direct report figures out how to handle it eventually? I worry my own personal feelings are clouding my judgement: this coworker has a history of steamrolling everyone and being rewarded for it, partially because no one in management wants to face her meltdowns.

If you have a good relationship with Jane’s own manager, you could certainly share what you’ve noticed with her manager. Or, if you’re willing to, you could create an opening to say something to Jane herself, such as “Hey, I’ve noticed that you and Lucinda have meals and drinks together a lot. Have you thought about the weird dynamics that can create for employees because of the power dynamic in the relationship?” I don’t know that I’’d bring it up with the employee though; that feels too likely to just make her feel really awkward and still unable to do anything about it, and if it turns out that she actually doesn’t mind, it’s just going to be weird all around.

And beyond that, I don’t think think that there’s really much you can do about this one; it’s not impacting your work and you don’t manage either of them. You’re right, though, that managers shouldn’t have those types of relationships with the people they manage.

2. Answering “what’s your greatest weakness?” with “Kryptonite”

Recently, on a board I am on, someone posted that you should answer “What is your greatest weakness” with “Kryptonite.” Many people on the board thought it was clever and said they would use it. I thought it was funny but a pretty bad idea, unless you planned on following up with “But seriously, my biggest weakness is…” What do you think?

Don’t do it. People who suggest this kind of thing are missing the point of why interviewers ask the question; they actually want an answer. If a candidate said that me, I’d laugh politely and then wait for a real answer. And if I didn’t get one, I’d explicitly ask for one.

For the record, I don’t ask that question in interviews — but I certainly ask variations of it (like “what areas have past managers encouraged you to work on improving in or do differently?”) and I’d be annoyed if a candidate didn’t give me a serious answer. I know there’s a feeling out there that it’s a gotcha or a bad question, but it’s not a good strategy to refuse to actually engage on it, which is what a joke answer does.

Plus, it’s never, ever a good idea to get your answers to interview questions off the internet. The whole point of an interview is to figure out if you’re a good fit for a job; using canned answers isn’t in your long-term best interests, if you want to end up in a job that you’re good at and happy in.

3. I’m not allowed to use my corporate headshot anywhere else

Is it typical for employers to restrict use of corporate headshots to company purposes only? This is my first headshot paid by an employer and it looks fantastic. Unfortunately it can only be used on LinkedIn and the company website. In fact the only copy of my photo I received is a compressed image sized for LinkedIn. What is the standard on company-paid headshots?

Nope, that’s not typical. I’d be curious to know their reasoning. There’s no harming in asking. You could say, “I really like my headshot and would love to be able to use it on X and Y. I was curious about why that’s not allowed.”

4. Can I pass along an external job posting to a coworker?

I have a very good relationship with a coworker, who recently expressed that she is bored with the job. By chance, someone sent me a job ad from a different company, and it fits my coworker’s profile perfectly. Should I send it to her? I am happy at work and am not going to apply, and I am worried that it will look like I want to push her out. That’s not the case; I honestly think she would be a great fit for the other position. What’s the proper etiquette?

I think you can do that as long as you’re explicit about why. For example: “I hope we never lose you here, but I know you mentioned the other day that you’re feeling bored. Someone sent me a job posting recently that described you perfectly — would you like me to send it to you?” (Note that you’re doing this in-person, not over email, since you don’t want to use company email for this conversation, including the mention of her boredom.)

5. Shouldn’t I get the same reimbursements that my out-of-town coworkers are getting?

I am in Texas and I work for a company from Illinois. They are doing a job here in Texas. They do not pay per diem, but they have some employees from out of town, and they pay for their hotel/place to live. But as for me, I am a local and they don’t pay me that same amount. Is that legal and is there anything I can do about that? If they pay for their hotel/housing, shouldn’t they give me the same amount, whether I am local or not?

What? No. They’re paying for those employees housing costs while they’re temporarily in town for work, because those are special additional expenses that those people wouldn’t normally have. They’re not going to pay that to you because you’re not incurring that expense. It would be like wanting to be paid $20 every time your coworker got reimbursed for taking a cab to a work event.

You get reimbursed for your own work expenses, not other people’s.

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is it rude to shut someone’s office door if they’re being loud?

by Alison Green on April 20, 2015

A reader writes:

Is it acceptable to close the door of someone’s office if they’re being loud? I’ve done it when my coworker is in my boss’s office and they are being loud and disturbing my concentration. Of course, I just walked up to the door and pulled it closed. I didn’t slam it or anything.

The office IS a toxic work environment where the socializing employee talks very loudly about personal life with another coworker constantly; another coworker has complained about this behavior to the boss. Another coworker in the office sits at the desk and reads books for many hours during the day and our supervisors just ignore these behaviors. The socializing employee has also been caught sleeping on the job on numerous occasions by both supervisors. These two coworkers are also everybody’s favorites.

I do wear headphones to block out the notice, but sometimes it just does not work and I try not to let it irritate me that my coworkers are goofing off all the time.

Is it disrespectful that I shut the door?

It really depends on your office culture — and where you fall in the hierarchy.

In many offices, it’s totally acceptable to close someone’s door with an apologetic smile, especially if they’re a peer or you’re senior to them. In other offices, that would be considered rude, particularly if the people behind that door are senior to you.

Sometimes it helps to say, “I’m so sorry — would you mind if I closed this while you’re talking?”

But it all comes down to the norms in your office. Those are always going to be the governing force with something like this.

In your case, the real problem sounds like terrible management and bad coworkers.

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it’s time to end Secretaries Day

by Alison Green on April 20, 2015

Let’s end Secretaries Day.

It’s coming up on April 22, and this should be the last year it’s observed.

The “holiday” – more recently updated to be called Administrative Professionals Day – was created by the International Association of Administrative Professionals back in 1952, when the organization was known as the National Secretaries Association. If you haven’t encountered this celebration in your office, it’s intended to recognize the work of administrative assistants, receptionists and other administrative support workers – with cards, flowers, and lunches.

Administrative workers certainly do deserve recognition and appreciation. They often have tough jobs, they serve a key role in keeping organizations functioning efficiently and, in many cases, they function as the right hands of busy executives who wouldn’t be able to perform their jobs without them. And support work is hard – anyone who has ever worked in an admin role can tell you it’s a lot harder than it looks from the outside. Good admins make it look easy – being calm and unflappable is part of doing the job well – but it can be stressful, challenging work.

So given all that, what’s the problem with Secretaries Day? Why wouldn’t we want a holiday to mark these contributions?

The problem with Secretaries Day is that it’s patronizing and demeaning. Having a special holiday for administrative workers separates admins from the rest of the office, marking their work as somehow different from other professional occupations. After all, if we value our admins as we would any other employees, why do we require a special holiday to mark their contributions? We don’t have Accountants Day, Webmaster Day or Pharmacists Day. What is it about administrative workers that requires setting aside a calendar day to recognize their work?

The argument in favor of Secretaries Day appears to be that the role is one that often isn’t fully appreciated by the people who admins support. But the day itself actually adds to that problem, by further ghettoizing the job and pigeonholing admins into a different category from everyone else. It says: “You are different from the rest of us, and we’re going to patronize you with a card rather than giving you year-round professional respect.” The day itself actually adds to the problem that it was created to address.

Complicating matters further, there’s even confusion in some offices over who is supposed to be recognized for the holiday and who isn’t. There are sometimes hurt feelings when someone isn’t recognized but wanted to be, and even more hurt feelings when someone gets a card and didn’t realize he or she was seen as support staff. Plus, some admins are paid more than the people plying them with cards and lunches on Secretaries Day, so they understandably find it awkward to be treated by people who make half as much as they do.

On to top of that, plenty of managers spot how the holiday is patronizing the very people who they want to value, but worry they’ll offend their assistants or make them feel unvalued if they don’t recognize the day in some way. It’s on the calendar, after all, and people know about it! And so the cycle is perpetuated, even though people on both sides of the exchange are often feeling awkward and uncomfortable about it.

And making matters still worse, it sure does feel like there’s a gender component to all of this. The majority of admins are still women, and there’s something particularly condescending about a holiday that says “rather than paying you well and showing you year-round respect, we’re going to give you flowers and trinkets.” And it’s surely no coincidence that many of the traditional gifts for the day – flowers and perfume – are ones that tend to be gendered in our culture. When is the last time someone gave the mailroom guy a rose as thanks for a job well done?

The bottom line is this: Admins deserve respect and appreciation year-round. They deserve professional development opportunities, useful feedback and to be taken seriously as people doing important professional work. And they deserve to be compensated and rewarded in accordance with the work they perform.

Flowers and a card once a year are no substitute for any of that, and continuing the practice threatens to keep them from being seen as professionals like every other professional in the workplace.

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my employee keeps accusing me of favoritism toward her coworker

by Alison Green on April 20, 2015

A reader writes:

I recently expanded from one direct report to two. I manage and take only the most complicated projects. “Tammy” takes the mid-level work: she is proficient, but not great and can get confused by complicated projects. “Carrie,” the new hire, has simple projects. She is still learning but is a superstar. She picks up on nuances of projects that Tammy misses, despite the fact that Tammy has been in the role three years. Carrie also volunteers for more work and to learn new projects, while Tammy only does the minimum that is expected. I am fine with the level of work Tammy puts out and it’s what I expect of the position. Based on Carrie’s current learning curve, I expect within the next three months that Carrie and Tammy will be directing projects at the same level of difficulty.

Tammy is very insecure about Carrie: she has repeatedly told me that she feels that I favor Carrie. I immediately told her that is not true and asked for specific examples of when Tammy saw Carrie being favored. She mentioned that we spend a lot of time together and I pointed out that I’m still training Carrie, not socializing. I said that I trust Tammy to do her work without my oversight, and it’s not favoritism. I asked if there were any examples of times when I treated them differently. Tammy could not provide any, simply saying others outside the department had made comments to her about it. I told her that it was not true and said that others might perceive it that way because Carrie and I eat lunch together in the cafeteria every day, but Tammy chooses not to eat lunch with us because she goes next door to the gym. Tammy replied in an angry way that it was her lunch hour and she could do whatever she wanted. I calmly told her that I agree and was not upset that she goes to the gym. Then I said, “I am not criticizing your use of personal time. Why are you snapping at me?” She replied that she hadn’t meant to snap.

Since Carrie was hired, Tammy has been giving terse and almost rude responses. Recently, Carrie forgot to invite Tammy to a meeting involving multiple teams. I assumed she was invited and asked her to bring the project file. Tammy was very upset that she had not been on the invite and exclaimed, “I need more lead time than a few minutes to attend a meeting! You can’t expect me to drop everything!” I snapped. I countered, “Then don’t go” and walked away. It was not professional and I have no excuse, I’ve just become so tired of this childish situation! She did not attend the meeting, and when we spoke later, I apologized for my angry response, but told her that if she speaks in a rude way to others, others may respond in a similar manner. Two days later, she slipped me a note as she left for the day. In the note, she said that I favor Carrie and that I don’t have to like her, but I do have to respect her.

I have kept my manager appraised about the situation. At first, he said that it was “team growing pains” that would work itself out. As time has gone on, he has gotten frustrated, finally telling me that he is tired of the “gossip.” I told him I’m not gossiping, I’m telling him about problems on my team that I need guidance on. He replied that it’s not seriously impacting our output, so it’s not a problem. It is not impacting the level or quality of our work, but it is making life miserable.

The HR dept is only one woman, who won’t get involved unless it’s a lawsuit in the making. My boss has said I should not bother HR over “interpersonal problems.”

I am at a loss about what to do. Even though I’ve addressed this a few times, Tammy keeps bringing it up and I feel uncomfortable giving Carrie public praise or Tammy constructive feedback. Sometimes I question whether this is actually a problem or if it’s just normal team differences that I am blowing out of proportion. Other times I’m sure there’s something I should be doing as a manager to remedy this. Please help!

Tammy is out of line, but you’re not quite handling this correctly.

You shouldn’t be eating lunch with Carrie every day. Regardless of the fact that Tammy would be welcome to join you if she wanted to, it is going to come across as favoritism — to Tammy and to others who notice it. It’s also going to make you look less than professional; as a manager, you need to have professional boundaries with the people you manage. You can certainly eat lunch with employees from time to time, but when it’s an every day thing, especially with only one employee, it starts looking like a work-BFF situation. This would always be the the case, but it’s especially true when the person you’re eating lunch with is a super star new employee who your other employee is feeling threatened by.

Plus, if Carrie ever wants to stop eating with you, the power dynamics mean that it might feel awkward for her to say that.

So, effective immediately, stop eating lunch with Carrie every day. (Frame this for Carrie in a way that won’t make her feel weird. For example, you could tell her that you’ve joined a book club and are going to read at lunch for a while, or that you’re running errands at lunch, or whatever else makes sense.)

Then, sit down and talk to Tammy. Regardless of her feelings about Carrie, it seems pretty clear that Tammy isn’t feeling valued or respected. So address that first: “Tammy, I want to talk to you about how things are going. You’ve said things to me recently that make me think you’re not feeling valued or respected. I want to be clear that I do value and respect you. You’re great at X, and are making a fantastic contribution on Y. You’re a key part of our department. Is there something you’d like me to be doing differently so that that comes across?”

That’s the conversation you want to have — not one about Carrie. And if she does continue focusing on Carrie, I’d say this: “You’ve mentioned to me quite a few times that you think I’m favoring Carrie. I’ve heard you and I’ve tried to make clear to you why I’m doing what I’m doing, but I’m continuing to hear this from you and it’s becoming a distraction. I welcome hearing from you about what you need in your work and from me, but I need it to be about you, and not about Carrie or anyone else. Going forward, can you do that?”

Ultimately, Tammy may need to decide whether she can continue in her role reasonably happily and without continuing to complain about your relationship with a coworker. You’re not obligated to entertain endless complaints about it; there’s a point where it’s reasonable to say, “I’ve heard you, I’ve explained my thinking, and now we need to move on.”

But you also need to stop snapping at Tammy. You might be frustrated, but that’s not really okay to do. Also, the fact that you’re frustrated is almost certainly connected with the fact that you haven’t set the boundaries with Tammy that I describe above. You’re not acting with the authority of your position; you’re allowing her to behave however she wants and then you’re feeling frustrated by her behavior. Use your authority to set clear and firm (and fair) boundaries, and there’s going to be a lot less for you to feel frustrated about.

(Also, as for your boss, he’s telling you very clearly that he doesn’t want to be involved in this. You should believe him. I can argue with his framing, but ultimately it’s his call if he wants you to handle this sort of thing on your own — and he clearly does.)

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is my predecessor trying to undermine me, being asked to work for free in an interview, and more

by Alison Green on April 20, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is my predecessor trying to undermine me with my staff?

I started as Executive Director a few months ago. We’re a small operation: two professional staff and about two dozen seasonal staff. The outgoing director did great work and was well respected for her advocacy, but she and the board president did not get along. Although she officially left for another opportunity, it is my understanding that she was very sad to leave her role.

Our organization is seasonal, and we just closed until the fall. I started inquiring about plans to recognize and celebrate our staff, and I was told that the former director has put together a staff appreciation party for all our seasonal employees … without telling me.

Most of our seasonal employees are university students, and they turn over from year to year. The former director hired them and worked with them for about four months before she left. I don’t want to undercut the relationships she may have developed, but it strikes me as extremely odd for her to be hosting a staff appreciation party for a staff she no longer manages.

Am I off base? I don’t necessarily want to intervene as I feel it will make me look petty. Furthermore, I can’t control who she invites to her home and for what reason. But I also feel like she’s intentionally undermining my leadership. Thoughts?

No, it’s definitely odd — all the more so since she only managed this group for four months; it’s not like it’s a staff she’s been close to for years.

That said, it’s less likely that she’s trying to undermine you than that she’s just having trouble letting go.

I suppose if you wanted to, you could reach out to her and say something like, “Jane, I just wanted to let you know that we’re already planning a staff appreciation party, but thank you so much for offering to do it. Ours is on (date) if you’d like to attend.”

But really, I’d consider just ignoring the whole thing. It’s a limited-time problem, since it sounds like you’ll be starting fresh with a mostly new staff in the fall anyway. Your best bet is probably to just roll your eyes at this and move forward.

2. I’m being asked to work for free as part of an interview process

I was recently called back about a job working in a cupcake bakery, and they have been asking me to work for free as part of the interview process. I have already come in for over 3 hours for “training” and was made to serve customers/run the register. There was even a point where I was the only one up front, serving a customer alone. They are now telling me I need to come in for an opening and closing shift. After it is all over, I will have worked 3 days for 11 hours in their store for free, serving customers, running the register, decorating cupcakes, and cleaning. They said if I get through this, then they will decide whether or not to bring me in for an interview. Is this normal or even legal?

No, it’s not legal.

It’s very smart for employers to find ways to see candidates actually in action before hiring someone — by using things like writing tests, problem-solving simulations, role plays, and (short) mock projects. These requests are reasonable and useful as long as they don’t take a significant amount of time. But providing actual work that the employer is going to use for real isn’t okay or legal.

Assessment tests used solely to make a hiring decision (“write a sample press release”) are fine. But work that will actually be used (“write a sample press release that we’re then actually going to send out”) needs to be paid, or it’s illegal.

11 hours of unpaid work is way over the line. And they haven’t even interviewed you yet? Ridiculous. Honestly, I’d call your state department of labor and tell them this is going on.

3. Talking to a job candidate without having had a chance to read their resume

Can one be expected to conduct a peer interview with a prospective new employee without having read the prospect’s resume or some extrapolation of the resume?

It’s certainly not ideal, but occasionally it happens for reasons beyond someone’s control, and when it does, you can just apologetically explain the situation and what caused it (for example, “I’ve been out of town until today” or “I was pulled in at the last minute because the person we’d planned to have you meet with is unexpectedly out today”) and ask for a quick overview of the person’s background. You can also ask if they have a copy of their resume with them (most people will) and apologetically take a few minutes to digest the highlights.

4. Prospective employer scolded my boyfriend on his phone manners

My boyfriend applied to a store and was called in for a interview. When he received the call, it was from an unknown number and the conversation went like this:
Bf: Hello
Employer: Hi, is this Richard?
Bf: I’m sorry, who’s this?
Employer: I’m the manager from so and so.
Bf: Oh, I’m so sorry, ma’am, hello.
Employer: First things first, you don’t answer the phone by saying “who’s this.”
Bf: “I’m sorry, I was just worried that a random number knew my name.”
Employer: “Well, I’m sorry to tell you but that’s not how you answer the phone.”

I don’t believe he was wrong here. I believe its totally appropriate for him to ask who it was on the phone. Am I wrong?

Nope. The manager was rude and out of line, and he was treating your boyfriend like a child. The manager acted like she was in a position to scold or instruct him, and she’s not. She can certainly draw whatever conclusions she wants about his phone manners, but it’s wildly inappropriate for her to think she has standing to instruct him in that regard. He doesn’t work for her, and she’s not his boss.

That said, if your boyfriend is job searching, he should be prepared to receive calls from unknown numbers and have the person on the other end ask for him by name.

5. I received an email about my application that was meant for someone else

This may be one of the more obvious questions you have ever received. But here goes. This morning I turned on my phone to find this email in my inbox about a job I applied to months ago and had forgotten about: “John, Here is an applicant for Chocolate Teapot Maker. —Jane”

My cover letter and résumé were attached. No one else was added to the email (that I can see). With some social media sleuthing (read: stalking) I found that John works in the department I applied to and Jane is the human resources manager for the company. It’s possible that Jane sent the email to John by BCC-ing him, but it’s also possible that she only sent it to me an doesn’t know, right? Do HR managers ever even actually copy the applicant in emails like this?

Basically, with your boundless gift of gab, how do I gently notify Jane that she may have sent this to me without ever sending it to John? And how do I cope with the absolutely nondescript, one-sentence email about my application!?!?! (Okay, you don’t have to answer that one.)

Just be direct! “Jane, I think you might have forwarded this to me rather than the person you actually intended to send it to!”

In general with stuff like this, just imagine how you’d handle it with a current colleague, and that will usually point you in the right direction.

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weekend free-for-all – April 18-19, 2015

by Alison Green on April 18, 2015

Olive smallThis comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. (This one is truly non-work only; if you have a work question, you can email it to me or post it in the work-related open thread on Fridays.)

Book Recommendation of the Week:: Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing. Journalist Ted Conover worked undercover as a prison guard at Sing Sing for a year and wrote about daily life for both guards and prisoners. Totally fascinating, and disturbing. If your favorite psychological experiment is the Stanford Prison Experiment (as it is mine), you will like this book.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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