Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions…

1. New employee asked me our policy on dating supervisors

I’m the manager at a branch location of a family owned retail garden center. I wanted to ask if you had any advice a situation that I came across recently involving a candidate who I had decided to hire. He was very friendly during the interview, answered all my questions, seemed qualified and even sent a thank you note. Then, on his first day, right after he turned in his paperwork he asked what the company policy was for employees to date their supervisors.

I was totally creeped out and told him that it was not allowed. That’s not necessarily a company-wide policy but he was absolutely giving the impression at this point that he wanted to ask me out. I guess the saving grace of this is that he only lasted for another four hours and then quit because the job turned out to be “more physically demanding than he expected.” But what would be your advice for handling a situation with an employee who shows a red flag right after the hiring process is completed?

Make it clearer in the moment that the question is wildly inappropriate. You answered it as if it were any other question about company policies, rather than the gross, out-of-line statement that it was. I don’t blame you for that; it’s hard to have a perfect answer in the moment when you’re so taken off-guard. But you could have said, “I’m sorry, what?” or “Why are you asking that?” followed by, “I’m having trouble understanding this question as anything other than wildly inappropriate.” Followed by keeping a really close eye on him, because someone who does this is usually someone who’s going to have loads of other problems too (as you saw later that day).

Frankly, it’s so wildly inappropriate and indicative of other likely problems that it also wouldn’t have been unwarranted to revisit the question of whether you’d made the right hire (had he not taken care of that for you a few hours later).

Read an update to this letter here (#5 at the link).

2. I don’t want to be a reference for my lazy acquaintance

I’m finding myself in between a rock and hard place. I met a girl in a seminar just after graduating college. We had both recently moved to the city and were both in the trenches searching for internships. After I found one, I learned that there was another internship position open, so I referred her based on our personal relationship during which she had proven to be intelligent, punctual, and eager to learn. I immediately regretted this decision.

During the course of her internships, we worked closely together and she was often lazy and unprofessional. She would use company time and resources to apply for other jobs daily, was not on top of her work tasks or email, and never took the initiative to join in when our supervisor taught us something new or gave us more challenging work. In short, she did not take advantage of the learning opportunity and was, in general, an ineffective employee.

Now that I have a new full-time job, I find myself lying to her when she asks if I have any prospects or know of any job openings. I know for a fact that she name drops when she applies to a company where she knows someone even without asking that person, but I cannot serve as a reference for her again. Eventually she will find out about my new job as we have mutual friends, but how should I handle letting her know that I cannot vouch for her? What should I tell the hiring manager when she, inevitably, drops my name?

You’d be doing her a favor if you stopped lying to her and told her what’s going on. It could be as simple as: “I feel awkward about this, Jane, but I wouldn’t be comfortable being a reference for you. I’m sorry I can’t help!” If she asks why, you could say, “Well, at Teapots Inc., you didn’t seem to be all that engaged in the work. To be a reference, I’d need to talk about your work ethic, initiative, and general quality of work, and I don’t feel like I can do that in a way that would help you.” You really would be helping her out if you let her know that — whether or not she appreciates it at the time.

And whether or not she does this, if she drops your name to a hiring manager, you should be honest: “Jane and I did work together, but she’s not someone I’d recommend hiring” (and then explain why).

3. Negotiating a gym membership as part of a job offer

I’m in the interview process with a company for a job I’m really interested in, and things seem to be going well. I’m optimistic about my chances, and expect a job offer in the next week or so if things continue to go well.

In my first interview, they told me flat out what the salary for the job was. It was in my acceptable range, but lower than I was hoping for. They didn’t give a range, just a number. Now, I’m absolutely willing to take the job at this salary, as it’s a job I’m interested and the salary is still in my acceptable range. However, this is my first job out of college, and I’d like to get my feet wet with negotiations. I’ve been looking around for advice on things to negotiate other than salary, and most of them seem pretty normal (vacation time, job title) and some of them made sense although I didn’t know how to approach them (office). The one that really threw me off was gym membership.

Do people actually ask for gym memberships? Is this normal? How would you begin to explain to a hiring staff why it was relevant to the job? (Unless you were a personal trainer or something else relevant.)

No, that’s totally weird. Some employers offer subsidized or discounted gym membership as part of their benefits package, but they either offer it or they don’t; it’s not the sort of thing people generally negotiate individually for themselves. And that’s doubly true as someone new to the workforce; it’s going to come across as a bit prima donna-ish at any career stage, but especially as someone junior.

4. Is this a good weakness to share in an interview?

If I told an interviewer that my biggest weakness during an interview is that I am very hard on myself and I continue to feel like I can do a better job and continue to strive for better performance of myself in my career, how would that come across during an interview? Would that not be a good weakness to reveal during an interview?

Nope, it’s going to sound disingenuous, whether or not it actually is. It’s too much in the model of “I’m a perfectionist” or “I work too hard” or other attempts to answer with something the applicant hopes the interviewer will actually see as a strength. (Perfectionism can actually be a crippling weakness, so it’s always weird when people don’t realize that.)

5. Notifying my network that I’m changing jobs

I’ve been struggling with something for a few days now and I’m hoping you can help. In the past, I’ve received several emails from people notifying their network of a job change. They’re pretty basic “I’ll be leaving company X for company Y. If you need to get in touch with me in the future, here’s how” kind of stuff.

I’ve written that up, and made a list of who I’d like to send it to. But the question is, how? Do I send it from my company email address while it’s still active, or my personal gmail? Do I push it out before my two weeks at my current company are up, or wait until the two week gap in between jobs?

Any of those are fine. People do it in all of those ways, and none of them are weird.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My office is in the lunchroom

I’ve been at my current job for almost 3 years. In the first year, my office space was relocated into our small lunchroom. The staff lost their lunchroom and I’m stuck with constant interruptions of people coming in there to use the sink or fridge. There is literally nowhere to eat your lunch (or a quiet place for me to work). Everyone is too scared to tell the owners how completely inconvenient this is to everyone, especially to me, who has to work in the interruptions and is forced to make small talk while I’m trying to work. I am on maternity leave and really don’t want to go back there and work in that environment. How should this be handled?

Is there anywhere else you could sit, even squeezing into another less-than-ideal space that at least wouldn’t be the lunchroom? If so, propose that: “I’ve found that it’s difficult to work in the lunchroom; I’m regularly interrupted and it’s tough to focus. Would it be possible to move to ___?”

I’m guessing, though, that there isn’t anywhere else for you to sit, which is why they moved you there in the first place. But maybe there are other solutions to minimize the distractions, like putting up a barrier (like a cubicle wall) between you and the sink and fridge. Either way, I’d still raise it with your manager, especially since you’re at the point of wanting to quit over it. There’s really no way to get this addressed without speaking up about it, and it’s a pretty reasonable thing to raise.

Of course, if the reason that everyone is scared to speak up about something so mild is because the owners are nightmares, that’s the real problem, and that’s where I’d focus your thinking about whether or not to return.

2. I can’t get people to answer pages when visitors show up

I’m the front desk manager at a large retirement community. It’s nearly impossible to get people to answer pages for phone calls and tours. I get the whole “don’t call or don’t come in without an appointment” thing, but if you’re out shopping retirement communities with your parents, sometimes you just stop in places. I usually give my spiel that “Ms. XYZ is in a meeting, here’s her card” but it rings so false. I’m exasperated. Help.

This is really up to the people who you want to take those phone calls and do those tours (or their manager). It’s their call whether they want to prioritize being available for unscheduled drop-bys or whether they feel other things are higher priorities. Either one of those could be a reasonable call; it just depends on the nature of the work and their jobs. Ultimately, though, it’s a decision for them and their manager(s). So, ask them to make that call: “Jane, how would you like me to handle it when someone drops by without an appointment and wants to speak with someone or get a tour? I often have trouble tracking people down, even when I try paging. Are there other things I should be trying, or should I just let people know that they should call to schedule a time to talk?”

(Or you could ask your own manager this, and if she says people should be making themselves available, then ask for her help in making that happen since I’m assuming that you don’t have the authority to do that on your own. If you DO have the authority to do that, then I’ve totally misunderstood the dynamics here; in that case, you’d just tell people directly what you need from them.)

3. I was offered a job after my internship but want to travel first

I was offered an internship with a company, and after several months I was offered a full-time position. However, I would like to travel before accepting this job, which had already been in my plans after I complete my internship. The thing is, I am scared that I am not too important to the company and that if I were to ask for time off to travel before I start this new job, they may hire someone else or pull the job offer. Please advise on what I should do. I really was not expecting a full-time offer from the company and traveling was already in my plans.

Just be straightforward! “I’d love to accept the job. I had been planning to travel for X weeks at the end of it. Could we set my start date for after I return, which would be (date)?”

If your travel is just a few weeks, it’s highly unlikely that anyone will even raise an eyebrow. If it’s a few months, that could be more of an issue. In that case, it would be good to decide before raising it whether you’d be willing to alter your travel plans or not, if they turn out to be a deal-breaker for your employer. If you’re open to changing them, then in that case I’d make that clear too — adding on something like, “I realize that might be longer than is reasonable to wait, and if so, I could shorten those plans. What makes sense on your side?”

4. Pregnancy leave when I don’t qualify for FMLA

I have been at my current job at a nonprofit for three months. When I took the job, I was unaware I was pregnant. Upon discovering the pregnancy, I was forthcoming with my manager and (after apologizing) explained that since I don’t qualify for FMLA, I will be leaving sometime during my last trimester. She was fine with this decision and happy I gave her plenty of notice.

Sometime last week, management pulled me aside and told me that they are so happy with my performance that they are choosing to offer me 12 weeks of unpaid leave. It seemed like a great deal initially, but I quickly realized that since I would have to take my leave early due to back problems, I would have less than two months with the baby and it isn’t enough time for me. Childcare is also a huge issue for my husband and me. I would like to take 6-8 months or a year, but know that this is impossible. It’s not a flexible job so negotiating part-time hours or telecommuting is not an option.

Should I bother to mention to them that I need more time (6-8 months) or should I flat out tell them that resigning is my only option? I’m still not entirely certain I am making the correct decision. My husband earns a very modest living and health insurance would be an issue, as would a large resume gap.

There’s no reason not to explain to them what your thinking is rather than just flatly saying resigning is your only option; you don’t know if they might be able to offer you what you want, after all, and it would suck to preclude the possibility of even finding out. As with the question above, just be straightforward: “I really appreciate that offer, but I think I’m going to want to take at least 6-8 months off and possibly a year. I’d love to come back after that, but I certainly understand that might be unworkable on your side.” Then see what they say — they might say no, or they might say yes, or they might say to contact them at the point that you’re starting to think about going back to work. Who knows? But there’s no reason to shut down that conversation altogether.

5. What could be the reason for this rejection?

I just got a disappointing response from a job that I was sure was a lock. The interview was arranged by a recruiting firm. I was being interviewed for a sales position, and during my interview the interviewer (the manager for the team I was applying for) went out and got the manager of the team handling higher accounts than his own, then continued to interview me. I could see the smile on his face during the interview and he consistently mentioned how each of my responses was excellent. We finished our interview, after which he showed me the different departments and different floors for the building.

I was then brought to meet with the director of sales, who introduced herself and immediately mentioned that she knew my current company’s VP, as she herself used to work for him. She mentioned that she had a lot of respect for him and “did not want to steal an employee from him.” She discussed the payment terms and offered me a salary that was significantly lower than I was quoted by the recruiter. I said that I would consider it.

On my departure, the manager for the position that I was applying for walked me out and said, “It’s no secret that I want you on my team; how quickly can you start?” I mentioned that I would need 3 weeks since I need to give a 2-week notice plus make plans to relocate from one city to the other. That is where I left it.

I received an email from the recruiter today saying that the company has decided to not pursue my candidacy due to me not appearing to be a fit for the company. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. What could be the reason?

All kinds of things: a candidate stronger than you emerged later in the process, or the sales director felt too uncomfortable hiring away someone working for her former boss, or that other manager who sat in on your interview didn’t think it was as strong a match as the hiring manager did, or someone else has input into the decision and prefers another candidate, or all sorts of other things. No job is ever a lock, no matter how well your interview seems to go; there are just too many other factors that you can’t see from your vantage point.

You also might be reading too much into the recruiter’s “not a fit” language. That tends to be standard boilerplate that’s often less about actual fit and more about just conveying “we won’t be making you an offer.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Mentioning on my resume that I don’t want kids

I’m applying for jobs in a competitive market and a notoriously sexist field, and I’m wondering if it would be strange to mention on my resumé that I absolutely categorically don’t ever want kids? Obviously I wouldn’t phrase it that way, but I want to reassure potential employers that I won’t leave with a bun in the oven a few months or years into the job, and in the UK it’s illegal for them to ask.

Would this come across as really weird? Is there any way I can introduce it to the cover letter/interview instead, maybe?

Yes, that would come across as really weird. Nothing about having kids, their existence or non-existence, ever belongs on a resume.

You could certainly mention it in an interview if you want to and if you think it’s going to sway someone’s opinion about you, as long as it comes up organically and doesn’t sound forced; sounding forced or deliberate will make good, non-sexist interviewers really uncomfortable, and those are the very ones who you don’t want to screen out. But it categorically should not be on your resume.

2. Who owns my artwork?

I want to know who owns the artwork I create while working in-house as a graphic designer. I work partially for a start-up media company, where I pretty much do everything except find the clients in the first place. I am the only designer, we have a part-time developer and then just the owner (no design or marketing background) so I liaise with clients, deal with many emails, and complete every type of print and digital design, including mobile apps and the brand direction. The owner also owns a fast food chain which is rapidly growing and I am currently refining their identity system ready for their next store opening. I work mostly for the latter company dealing with all of the above design and planning work as well as assisting with their HR documentation design and organization.

I run my own freelance business in addition to this in-house job and understand the legalities (as is in my personal client contracts) of my ownership of all original artwork unless otherwise paid for and rights transferred, etc. I am unsure, however, of my rights and ownership for the work I create at my full-time job. I guess if I was working in a large team for a big corporate business where many people’s input is involved, then the artwork would belong to the company, but with myself doing 100% of the work around and directly on all projects, I am a little unsure as to my ownership rights.

Your company owns the work that you produce for them as part of your job. You’re engaging in something called “work for hire”; they’re hired you to produce work, and they own the rights to that work.

3. Should I address layoffs on my resume?

In 2009, my job was eliminated due to downsizing, along with quite a few others on a surprise layoff at the height of the recession. During the 22 months of unemployment, I started a volunteer project and blogged about it. I subsequently got a job and was employed for the last 4 years. Then, out of the blue, that position was also eliminated (due to restructuring within the organization). How could I be so lucky, right? During this unemployment, I am running a networking group that I formed. I have listed both of the gaps on my resume with the activities I’ve done during unemployment. I address this information during interviews, as well as provide a glowing letter of recommendation given by my boss from this last elimination.

I’m wondering if I should start addressing this in my cover letter first. Should I add the information about both the layoffs to my cover letter and/or resume? I’m worried that listing both will make it seem like there is something wrong with me.

Two layoffs really isn’t a big deal. Lots of people have gotten laid off in the last decade, many of them more than twice, and it’s a pretty normal thing. You don’t need to explain it on your resume. You could mention in your cover letter that you are currently searching after a layoff at your last employer, but you don’t need to address the first layoff or feel defensive about any of it.

4. “Come in early to turn on my computer”

My wife’s boss wants her to come in early just to turn on her computer. Your thoughts?

I think you already know the answer here, which is that her boss is ridiculous.

5. We can only put eight hours a day on our time sheets, even when we work more

I’m a salaried/exempt employee in New York, and my employer has informed us that we can only put eight hours a day on our time sheets, but due to the nature of our work (construction) we typically work 10 hour days.

We’re not looking to get compensated for the hours actually worked. The question is if it’s legal for the employer to make us put less hours than actually worked in our time sheet.

Yes. They can handle time sheets however they want as long as they’re paying you correctly. There’s no legal requirement to record exempt employees’ time at all, so I’d assume they’re using your time sheets for some internal purpose that the law is unconcerned with (assuming they’re not, say, using it to defraud some other entity).

(If you were non-exempt, this whole answer would be different. The exempt part here is what’s relevant to your situation.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. The person who asked me for an informational interview didn’t show up for it

A former colleague of my husband contacted me about a mentee who had moved to my city and was interested in my line of work. It is not unusual for me to agree to an hour informational interview, give a tour, and perhaps the person shadow me for an hour or two.

It took a quite complicated chain of emails to set up a time, due to my travel schedule. It wasn’t convenient for me, but I thought, “Well, this has been going on for months.” We emailed back and forth last week, and I put the hour on my schedule for yesterday and cleared some of my assistant’s time right after for a tour. The person was a no show. (That has never happened to me before.)

Then I get this email at 10:00 the next night: “I am incredibly sorry about not showing up yesterday. I recently had my phone updated, and as a result, quite a few things, including many of my appointment reminders, got deleted. I did not realize that our meeting was one of them until tonight, when I was going through my email, and that I had completely missed my appointment. This past week has been especially crazy, so without all of my reminders, I forgot. I am really interested in seeing what you do, and if you are still willing, I would like to try to reschedule. Again, my apologies.”

I am at a loss as how to respond. No, I do not want to reschedule. That makes me feel mean. Thoughts?

Well, this kind of thing does happen, and in general I’d cut the person some slack for it — but that just means not marking them in your head as A Horrible Person; it doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to reschedule if you don’t want to. And it’s reasonable to think that if the appointment took months to schedule it, they’d remember it was looming, even without calendar reminders.

If you don’t feel like hassling with this again, it would be reasonable to say something like this: “Unfortunately, my schedule right now makes it difficult for me to reschedule (you saw how tough it was to clear time the first time around!). It sounds like I won’t be able to help, but good luck in your search.”

That’s not mean. You went out of your way to do her a favor, she didn’t come through on her end, and you can reasonably decide that you’re extended yourself as far as you’re willing for a stranger.

2. Company didn’t respond after I declined a job offer

I recently went through an interview process and received an offer from the company. I was thrilled and excited for a fresh start but ended up turning the offer down due to some major health-related issues. I was open about the reason, appreciative of the offer and bummed out that the I couldn’t accept. I didn’t realize the extent this would interfere with an offer until I actually tried to plan a move. I had made my decision over the weekend, so I emailed the department head and copied the hiring manager. I never heard back from either manager.

Is this standard behavior? Should I take the lack of response personally or as an insult? This position was for a major corporation where much of the hiring process is standardized. I’d love to work for this company in the future and had mentioned as much in my email but I’m very concerned that not receiving a response back is a bad sign. Is there a reason to worry? Is it rude to not respond to candidates who have declined offers?

It is indeed rude. They need to close the loop. If nothing else, they’re leaving you to wonder whether they received your response or whether they’re sitting there thinking that you just disappeared on them.

I’d approach it from that angle. Get back in touch and say, “I hadn’t heard back from you and wanted to make sure you received my email. I know messages sometimes get lost, and I want to make sure that one this important was indeed received!”

3. Demonstrating my Excel skills to a job interviewer

I have a job interview next week, and in an email correspondence with the interviewer, she had an odd request that I’ve never been asked before. She wants me to bring an Excel file on a jump drive, that I have created on my own and use for work. I know Excel fairly well, I use it frequently at work, but this isn’t an accounting job and I’m not sure what she would be looking for when I bring one in. Most of the stuff I create doesn’t have pivot tables or formulas in it, although I can do that stuff. It’s really to keep track of customers data, sales numbers, etc. Would it be dishonest to create one that shows off my Excel skills and that has a lot of details if I don’t use it at work? And if not, what should it include?

Nope — just let her know that that’s what you’re planning on doing in case for some reason she objects to that. You could explain that most of what you use Excel for at work is confidential (assuming that’s true, and it probably is), but that you’ll create a new file from scratch that demonstrates how you can use the program.

If directly asked whether you use those particular features at work, you do need to explain that you don’t. If they’re looking for someone who uses Excel in specific ways professionally, then it might not be the right match (and there could be legitimate reasons for that). But in most cases, demonstrating the skills themselves will suffice.

4. My boss wants to withhold my pay until I resolve a client error

Recently we had a client that had made a mistake on a contract and it was up to me to get it corrected. It just so happened that this occurred on payday and I had already stopped in the office to collect my paycheck. I received a text from my boss at 4 pm to say that until I resolved this client issue, I was not to cash my paycheck. I’m in sales and so I’m rarely in the office, so on payday I typically try to make sure am seeing customers near the office in order to collect my check. When I texted him back to say that the customer had already left for home but it could be resolved the next day and that I had already deposited my check through mobile banking, he went on a rant about how I was not allowed to pick up my check until 5 pm and that if he tells me not to cash my check that I should not do it in future.

In the past, if I was unable to be in the office on payday, I would ask admin to mail my check so at least I would have it the next day. Yesterday was payday and he instructed admin not to send my check and that I had to come in to pick it up.

Is he legally allowed to withhold pay pending the outcome of an issue with a client? The paycheck was not commission for this deal but rather just routine base pay.

Nope. Say this: “We’d run afoul of state labor laws if we did that. We’re legally required to pay people at set points and can’t withhold pay without violating the law, and I don’t want us to get in trouble. As for the client, here’s what I’m doing to handle it…”

5. Overpaid — and manager is saying to keep it

My sister has just left a full-time job for a part-time role so that she has an easier time looking after the 2 kids. In the last 3 months, she has taken all her holidays and actually took 4 more than she had. The last pay was for 5 days in March, so she was expecting 1 day’s pay. She received 6, including a day of holiday. She texted her manager to say she had been overpaid, and what should she do? Her manager replied that some people deserved a reward and he would not tell if she didn’t. She isn’t hurting for money but it would be a nice amount to keep. Now she does not know what to do.

She should say this: “Thank you so much, but I wouldn’t feel right about it. And I’d worry the company would notice and need to be paid back at some point anyway. Should we just take it out of my next check, if that’s easier?”

And if there’s a separate payroll department, she should contact them directly.

If her boss wants to give her a bonus, that’s great — but this is a payroll error, and it’s very possible that at some point the company will spot it and tell her to pay it back, so she’s better off dealing with it proactively.