Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is is possible to over-use an employee discount?

I currently work for a company that gets deep discounts (60% or more) on high dollar items. I may be leaving it soon and I am struggling with the morality of “stocking up” before leaving. How do you feel about situations like this?

They’re offering you the discount, so it’s there for you to use. If they haven’t put limits on it, it’s because they’re okay with you using it. And really, stocking up on, say, 10 purchases (or even more) isn’t that different than if you’d bought that many things spread out over the last year. Unless you’re planning something really over the top (buying 100 TVs, for instance), I think you can proceed without guilt.

2. My manager is lying to get me to stay late and do unnecessary work

I am a salaried baker/pastry chef in a supervisory position. I am usually very efficient with my schedule and I can get a large workload delegated to my team and have us all finish up in just around 8 hours. Right now, it is very slow where I work (a resort) and 8 hours is the maximum amount of time it would take us to finish up; occasionally we are looking for things to do to make it to 8 hours. However, every day that I work, after I send my subordinates home for the day and I am finishing up, my manager finds me and tells me, “Oops, there is x, y, and z to do” or there “isn’t enough of this or that.” So I have to stay at least a few extra hours to do the task she asks of me (literally waiting on the bread to rise).

However, I caught her in a lie. She had told me that one of the resort restaurants was booked for 100 people, even though they only ordered for 50 people, and that I would need to stay and make more food. And then (since I’m new) she showed me where to look on the computer to find the bookings for all the restaurants. But here’s the kicker: When she was showing me that day’s bookings, the restaurant only had 50 people booked, the number that they had ordered from me originally. So, why is she lying to me to have me stay every day and do extra work, when that work is going to go into the trash later in the evening and not being eaten by the customers who don’t exist? (They really don’t exist and can’t just walk in, because the resort is on a very small island. We know how many people are here, and we can’t just have 30 extra people show up for dinner.)

This has been terribly frustrating even before I saw that she was lying. And why not tell me hours before I leave, rather than when I am cleaning up? This is almost a daily occurrence. She hasn’t expressed any dissatisfaction with my performance yet. Does she just want me to put in more hours just because she does and I am a “supervisor”? Just meander around twiddling my thumbs?

I don’t know what’s up with her, but it does sound like something is off. I wonder if you could try to head this off by regularly touching base with her earlier in the day and saying, “I’m planning to let people go at (time) tonight — is there anything you want me to make sure is done before that?” Or even addressing it more directly: “I’m finding that I’m ending up staying several extra hours at the end of the day because you and I have been touching base so late. Is there a time I could check in with you earlier each day so that we’re hearing from you about what you’d like to see earlier on?” And for that matter, you could also say, “I’d like to plan to normally leave around (time) unless the day’s workload is particularly heavy. Based on what I’ve seen of the workload, that should be doable if I’m able to plan in advance. Is there a way for me to get requests from you before (time), so that I still have staff around to work on them?”

3. Can I ask my current boss to be a reference for my freelancing work?

I am employed full-time as an administrative support person with a great nonprofit, but have recently started doing freelancing admin tasks for other small businesses on the side. Is it okay for me to use my current boss as a reference to new clients, since she oversees all of the types of work I will be offering?

How fully okay is your boss with you taking on side work? If she’s an enthusiastic supporter of your side endeavor, then yes, it’s fine to ask her. But if she has trepidations about it (which even a boss who adores you could have, since she might worry about it taking away from your focus on your full-time job), I’d be wary of putting her in that position.

4. Is the customer really always right?

Many managers, including mine, still go by the principle of “the customer is always right.” Even when a customer is being unreasonable or is clearly in error (backed up by a paper trail), my manager uniformly sides with the customer. He or she is placated and we are chastised. What is your opinion on how a manager should walk the line between appeasing a customer and standing behind his/her team? More importantly, is there a way to bring it up that doesn’t sound accusatory or petulant?

Customers aren’t always right. Customers are sometimes quite wrong, or liars, or assholes. Smart managers know that treating great employees fairly — and thus retaining them in the long-run — is usually more important than retaining a jerk as a customer. In the rare cases where this isn’t true (said jerk’s sales are keeping employed, for instance), smart managers acknowledge the situation openly with employees and make a point of treating them as well as possible to make up for having to work with difficult customers.

As for how to bring it up with your manager … if he doesn’t already get this, I’m not sure there’s much you can say that will change his mind, unfortunately. If you’re getting chastised when you’ve done nothing wrong, I’d think long and hard about whether you want to work for this dude. Placating a customer shouldn’t require chastising you unfairly.

5. How to help students estimate salary ranges for their desired fields

I am currently using your site to help my two student workers, who are both a few years from entering the workforce in their chosen fields, develop career skills (I give them your site map, ask them to mark what intrigues them most, and then we discuss various posts in those areas from there).

At this point, both students have honed in on salary negotiations – when to bring it up, how to negotiate, etc. I’ve sent them articles of yours like how to answer questions about your salary expectations and ways employers discourage you from negotiating salary (among others). I’ve asked them to find a real job posting that will fit the skills and experience they expect to possess when they graduate. I then ask them to tell me what salary they’d negotiate for and why based on the advice given in the articles.

I want to provide feedback on their strategies and proposed amounts, but I’ve never negotiated salary myself and I have never worked in the fields my students are studying. Do you have any advice on how to gauge how realistic their answers are? I don’t want them to wait until actual negotiations to find out they were way off base. I’m half-tempted to reach out to the companies they’ve chosen and ask for feedback, but I have no idea how to do that (or if it’s even an option to begin with).

I think you’d need to evaluate the strategies they used to come up with their answers, which means they should provide you with a pretty detailed map to how they came up with their numbers and that’s the part that you can provide feedback on. You could also have them run their numbers by people in their fields, but beyond that, I don’t think there’s a lot you can do, at least not without a huge amount of probably impractical legwork.

I don’t think I’d reach out to the companies they’ve chosen; companies too often play salary info close to the vest, and if the info isn’t already publicly available, you’re likely to get a vague (or no) answer.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Makeup and hair styling is making our work bathrooms gross

My organization shares a floor with a few other companies, and I noticed that some of the women in the other companies treat the shared bathroom like their own. I’ll come in in the morning and they will be gathered around the sink, putting on makeup and straightening their hair. While bizarre, I tried not to let this bother me, but lately the bathroom has been really gross with towels all over the floor and hair in the sink. Is there anything I can do? I don’t know these women personally, who even who they work for.

Unless they’re blocking your ability to use the sinks, I’d try not to care about their morning hair and makeup rituals. (And if they are blocking your ability to get to the sink, just say, “Excuse me, could I use the sink?” Most people are going to let you through if you directly point out that you need access.)

The towels on the floor and hair in the sink is a different issue. For that, I’d talk to whoever manages building space issues for your company and ask if they can talk to the building management about the cleanliness issue. The building management might need to clean the bathrooms more regularly, or they might decide to put up signs or talk to tenants about keeping the bathrooms neater — but first someone should tell them that there’s an issue.

2. Should I be worried if a company doesn’t have an HR department?

I’m job hunting in the tech field, and there’s a company I really like that has invited me for an in-person interview after a phone interview. In the phone interview, the person mentioned that there is no formal HR person in a company of ~40 employees. This was a big red flag for me, particularly after he described a really liberal vacation/PTO policy– they don’t have set amounts of vacation employees can take, it’s as you need it within reason.

I know this is tech, and a smaller company, and tech is liberal in these kinds of things, but I’m coming from a Fortune 500 company which is HUGE and has a formal HR department! How reasonable is it for a company of ~40 (but expanding!) to not have an HR department? Do you have any recommendations for questions to ask in the interview about how HR issues are handled?

It’s totally reasonable. There’s not going to be full-time HR work for a company that size. There should be someone who handles HR stuff, of course, but it’s very reasonable that they don’t have a dedicated HR person. In fact, if a 40-person company did, I’d wonder what that person did all day.

As for what to ask, I think it would come off strangely to ask about how benefits or harassment complaints or other HR stuff is managed. It would be like asking about how payroll is managed; you can generally assume that they have systems in place for those things. But once you get an offer, ask for details about benefits and pay attention to how that request is handled. If they have organized information on benefits that they’re able to get to you quickly, that tells you that someone is on it. If they don’t, that might be a prompt to dig further. But really, no dedicated HR person for a 40-person company is reasonable and common.

The bigger issue I’d think about is whether you’re up for the changes that will come from moving to a small company. You’re talking about a big shift in culture, and you should make sure that you’re clear on what that’s going to entail.

3. I don’t want the director sitting in on my performance evaluation

I’m due to have my annual performance review. This is usually held with my own line manager, but the director wants to come along too. I’m not comfortable with this and want to know whether I can prevent this from happening without causing bad feelings.

The director is not known for his listening skills or support for staff development and was instrumental in my not being successful in achieving a promotion last year. The norm in our organization is to meet with your line manager alone so I could probably gain HR support, but it doesn’t seem the best of times for me to be oppositional; I want to rebuild the relationship with my own manager and have an honest open discussion about my career.

I think it would be reasonable to ask your manager about it. I’d say something like this: “I was hoping we could talk one-on-one the way we usually do performance reviews. Can you tell me more about why Fergus is going to join us?” Depending on the answer, and on the type of rapport you have with manager, you might say, “I’ve found Fergus hard to talk candidly with in the past, and I’d hate to give up the chance for a really candid conversation with you about my performance and the future. Do you think it could be possible to do that with just the two of us?”

If nothing else, you might be able to arrange to have that as a separate meeting later on, after the one that includes the director.

4. Was I wrong to ask about my coworker’s dating life?

I have a coworker who I am very friendly with. We talk about so many things and are a source of support to one another at work. Unfortunately, she seems to have a habit of making me feel like I’ve crossed a line when I talk about something personal but non-offensive. This has happened three times over the course of two years. She talks about her dating life a lot, and today I asked her how it was going. It was a casual question and she had just asked me if I had met anyone at a party, but she said I crossed a line. I said I was sorry, but honestly I don’t like being blindsided. I know she’s my coworker first, but you can’t tell me I’ve crossed a line when we’ve discussed something that you brought up. Am I wrong?

It sounds like she’s opened the door to talking about her dating life — by talking it about a lot herself, and in this particular conversation by having just asked you if you’d met anyone at a party! So no, I don’t think you’re wrong. But it sounds like she’s weirdly sensitive and has double standards and different norms than the rest of the word on how conversations work. Given that, I’d just assume going forward that she’s weird about personal stuff and you shouldn’t ask about it, because you never know when she might randomly bite you.

5. Is having international references holding me back?

I recently returned from a five-year stint living and working abroad. When I left the company I was working for, I asked a few people to be my references (and they all graciously agreed). Now that I am back in the States and applying for jobs, I am worried that having international references is putting me at a disadvantage. I don’t think that companies will make the effort to get in touch with my references because they require an international phone call — assuming that an email questionnaire wouldn’t suffice. What should I do?

I’d include the international references, but also some domestic ones if you have any — so that employers have choices. And for the international ones, I’d make it as easy as possible to contact them, by listing phone numbers with country codes, email addresses, and time zone and a note about the best way to get ahold of them. You could even add a note to your reference list that says something like, “Apologies for all the international references here! Since I’ve been working abroad for the last five years, they’re my most recent ones, but if that poses any obstacles, please let me know and I’d be happy to provide other names as well.”

But regarding your worry overall: Few employers check references before they’ve interviewed you, so it’s unlikely that this is causing you to lose out on jobs before that stage. And once you reach the interview stage, if things seem like they’re moving forward, you can always address it proactively at that point. If someone really likes you in an interview, it’s unlikely that they’re going to be put off by international references.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss keeps telling me to fix his mother’s computer issues

I’m a tech support technician for a small ISP business. My boss (the company owner) has me answering calls from his mother almost every day. She calls in about everything from hardware to software. She even brought her computers in on a Friday from 3 hours away for me to work on. My boss demanded I get everything fixed before she left on Sunday, even if it meant missing church (I don’t work Sundays). When she calls in, it takes at least 45 minutes to fix all her problems, taking time away from helping actual clients. Am I required to help his mother, even if she is not a client?

Yes. Your boss is basically telling you that she is a client; whether a particular client pays or not is up to him.

Treat her as you would a client. If doing work for her interferes with your work for other clients, raise that with your boss — not as a complaint, but to find out how he’d like you to handle it. So it’s not “your mom is taking up too much of my time” but rather, “I’d need about three hours to fix the problems on your mom’s computer, but if I do that today, I won’t be able to finish X or Y for other clients who are expecting resolutions today. How would you like me to prioritize?”

It’s also reasonable to say, “I’m glad to put in overtime if you need me to, but I’m unavailable on Sundays for religious reasons” or “I’m not available until 1 p.m. on Sunday” or “I’m not available this weekend because of prior commitments” or whatever the case is.

2. I’m livid that my coworker is applying for the same niche Ph.D. program as I am

I have been interested in pursuing a niche career in Alaska for the last 8 years. I have a B.S. and M.S. in the discipline and am in the process of applying for a Ph.D. to better my chances of employment. I told a coworker about a Ph.D. opportunity that I would like to pursue. Initially, he was supportive. Recently, however, this friend declared that he too would like to apply for the same Ph.D. opportunity with the same academic advisor. This friend has the exact academic qualifications as I do, except I have more work experience and a stronger undergraduate GPA. The Ph.D. program will only accept one of us with funding. I am livid—should I be? Do you have any suggestions on what I should do?

I can understand why you’re upset — he’s basically saying “I’m going after something which, if I get it, will prevent you from getting the thing you want … and I’m using info you shared with me to do it.” That said, there’s no calling dibs on stuff like this — if he wants to apply, he shouldn’t be locked out just because you got there first. So “livid” feels like an overreaction, but I can understand why you’re bothered.

3. Should I remind my manager of upcoming training sessions that she might have forgotten about?

I’ve recently started working at a new company, and when I started my boss recommended that I sign up for two upcoming training sessions in March. The training sessions aren’t on my usual days of work and as a result they’d have to be listed as overtime hours on my time sheet. Typically, we aren’t supposed to work overtime unless we have express permission from her. Because I signed up for these sessions almost two months ago, do I need to remind her about them?

I’m a bit worried that she’ll be shocked when she sees them on my timesheet, because what if she’s forgotten about them? She’s quite busy, so I’m not sure if she’d even remember telling me to go to these sessions. Or is it best to just go to my training sessions and put them on my timesheet and not even ask about it again?

This seems like it should be simple, but I’ve never worked anywhere that had huge training sessions like this available to employees, so I’m just not sure what is the right thing to do and what is the etiquette around it.

As an across-the-board rule, if you think your manager might be shocked by something if you don’t remind her, you should remind her. Otherwise you’re setting both of you up for a bad situation. So yes, absolutely remind her! Say this: “When I started, you asked me to sign up for training sessions on X and Y. They’re coming up this month, and they’re on days I don’t normally work. Should I list them as overtime hours on my timesheet, cut back on other hours that week so I don’t go into overtime, or something else?”

4. Company won’t give me the names of the people I’ll be interviewing with

I have an interview next week for which I am flying in (including an overnight stay). I emailed the HR assistant to ask for the schedule and names of people I will be meeting. She responded by saying that I’m scheduled for 5 hours, with 2 people per hour from various depts and a small lunch break. She also said that she couldn’t provide more info as knowing the names of people wouldn’t be useful without knowing who they are.

Of course, the purpose of getting the names is so I can google them and be more prepared. But I’m not sure if she understands that, so should I respond and explain? Or should I go higher and ask the senior recruiter for the info? Though I suspect she’ll send me to the assistant for the info anyway, as she did the scheduling. What’s the best way to respond? I don’t want to be a pest.

I’d drop it. It’s not essential information — although I agree it’s nice to have — and she already declined to provide it when you asked. Pushing back or going over her head is more likely to annoy them than help you.

5. How should I respond to internal recruiters reaching out on LinkedIn?

Recently, I’ve been getting a number of LinkedIn InMails from internal HR recruiters inviting me to apply for positions which match my experience. They are perfect for me and I am looking for a new job. How do I follow up exactly? Being contacted as a passive candidate leads me to think that I’m a shoo-in for an interview. Is the ball in my court to suggest chatting about the position over the phone/hint at being open to an interview?

I wouldn’t read it as you’re a shoo-in for an interview; once you talk with each other, it might turn out that you’re not a perfect fit. These are more like preliminary conversations to find out more. I’d just respond back and say that you’re interested in learning more and ask if there’s a good time to talk or what the right next step would be; they should take it from there.