Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I refuse to travel overnight for training?

Our company is switching software for our management systems. We have two locations in our area, and the company is telling us that we are to close our offices and all of our staff are required to travel three hours away with two overnight stays to be trained on the new system.

This seems unreasonable to me. We all have families and personal obligations. We will be training with coworkers from this other city who get to go home each night. We do not work in an industry that typically requires business travel so none of us agreed to travel when we accepted our jobs. I realize to many it may not seem like a big deal but to moms with small children (some of whom are single mom) and people with pets, this seems unfair. It does not seem reasonable that we have our lives hijacked for three days and two nights. Can it really be more cost-effective to pay for travel, meals, and hotels for five people? Five people who are angry and disgruntled about having this hardship placed on their lives in order to keep their jobs? It really does not seem fair.

Business travel is … well, it’s pretty normal. Even in jobs where it’s not a regular thing, it’s not uncommon to have it occasionally come up — for training or a conference or a retreat or whatever. Having to spend two nights away once in the course of a job isn’t outrageous. It can feel inconvenient, yes, but being angry and disgruntled about it is a reaction that’s pretty out of sync with workplace norms.

And it absolutely could be more cost-effective to send five people to training; if the training is being conducted by another company, there can be huge costs associated with bringing them to a new location.

People who don’t live with another adult usually handle this by arranging for back-up child care and pet-sitters. If there’s a reason that you truly can’t do that without significant hardship (for instance, if you were caring for a child with special medical needs), you could talk to your manager about it. But if it’s just that it’s a pain in the ass to go, there’s not really a fight to be fought here. You’re very likely to encounter this at any job you go to.

2. Warning employers about an anxiety disorder around politics

I’m a recent grad and am looking to enter an office job for the first time. Unfortunately, I have an anxiety/panic disorder than can lead to very powerful, meltdown level panic attacks. My attacks are triggered by the general presence of politics in images, conversation, and media. It’s not too bad in daily life – I can avoid looking at things that might trigger me, I speed away from rallies or strikes, I politely ask people to change the subject or leave the room if need be, etc. I’m medicated and undergoing therapy for it – so while it’s a disorder, it’s not a disability. Mostly it’s really embarrassing once I’ve calmed down.

But I’m a web designer and would like to work for a studio or corporate office, and, should they ever take a job that requires me looking at, researching, or otherwise having to be exposed to politics for the sake of the project, I’d have to withdraw from the project (which might mean I leave work for 3-6 months until the project is complete, which isn’t going to fly in an entry level position).

Since this isn’t a “disability” level disorder, at what point should I let prospective employers know about my issue? I don’t want to lead with it, so to speak, but I’m concerned about going into a job and having to deal with not being honest when I tell them I can fulfill the position’s duties.

This is going to be particularly tough to ask about because it’s so different from the types of panic disorders most people are familiar with; I suspect many people are likely to think you’re just overreacting and not take it seriously, which is not the reaction you want, obviously. So it’s tricky. That aside, though, I think the situation really means that your best bet will be to focus on employers where it’s highly unlikely that this will ever come up (just like someone with severe anxiety about, say, public speaking might avoid applying to jobs where they might need to give presentations or lead meetings).

3. Attending a former coworker’s baby shower when I was suddenly fired

I was recently invited to an ex-coworker’s baby shower. We were friends outside of work, and I definitely want to attend. The problem is, most of the people there will be from my old job. This wouldn’t be a big deal, except that I was essentially fired/forced to leave with no warning. It ended up being a blessing in disguise, as I didn’t realize how toxic management was until I left, and I’m happily employed at a much better place now! However, my sudden departure caused quite a stir, and it’s likely that the people at the party will want to ask me about it. How do I handle the questions about why I left?

It’s really up to you and how much you want to get into what happened. Personally, I’d go for either totally concise and matter-of-fact (“They fired me because X, but I’ve moved on to Y, where I’m incredibly happy”) or declining to discuss it at all (“It’s a bit of a story and today’s not the day for it, but I’m doing X now and really loving it”). I think with either of these, you come out looking good without getting sucked back into drama that you want to keep behind you.

4. Should I tell a prospective employer what other companies I’m talking to?

My job search is proceeding well with two companies. When mentioning that the process is proceeding with “another company” (especially because they ask if that’s occurring), is it good, bad, or neutral to mention the other company by name? I thought this would make it real and not a bluff. Would your advice be different if I was referring to an actual offer received at another company?

In general, there’s not usually an advantage to naming the other company, and it’s really not the other employer’s business. In some fields, though, it can be useful to mention that you’re being recruited by, say, Google. But you don’t need to name names in order to make it credible; employers are used to candidates talking with multiple employers and aren’t likely to be skeptical.

5. Mentioning coursework on a resume

I just finished my MA in Museum Studies, and I’m applying to jobs (it’s not fun).

I know that in the nonprofit world, grant writing and development are important skills. As part of my MA program, I wrote two complete hypothetical grants for a major federal program (IMLS). I got A’s on both, and my professors deemed them “fundable.” I’m wondering how I manage to communicate this on cover letters and/or my resume without coming across like a 10-year-old who got an A on a spelling test.

I think you can mention it in a cover letter if it’s directly relevant to the job or in an interview, but I wouldn’t put it on a resume, just like I wouldn’t put most other coursework on a resume. You don’t want to sound like you’re giving it too much weight, since the ultimate measure of a grant is whether it actually gets funded. Your professors may be right that the grant applications you created were fundable, but until they pass that real world test, they won’t be as compelling as actually funded grants would be.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How do I tell my office that I don’t celebrate my birthday for religious reasons?

I do not celebrate my birthday for religious reasons. I have several friends, family, coworkers, and other acquaintances of varied faiths who do celebrate their birthdays, and I have no problem with that – I just don’t celebrate my own. Unfortunately, my office is big on birthday celebrations. I like my coworkers, and I don’t want to be That Jerk who won’t Cooperate and be a Team Player. On the other hand, I don’t want to betray my faith by celebrating.

Last year was my first year at my current job. I quickly realized our office celebrated everyone else’s birthdays, so I decided to hide my birthday. I started in January and my birthday is late in the fall, so I had to hide it for basically the whole year. When asked when my birthday was, I’d say, “Oh, it’s not for a while.” I don’t think anyone kept track, so they didn’t realize that I’d “never” had a birthday the whole year.

I almost got away with it. But then, I had to provide my birth date to my manager so she could sign me up for some training. This happened just a few days after my birthday. Due to the timing, she wished me a happy belated birthday, which I took in stride and thanked her. Then other coworkers who had nothing to do with this training started wishing me a happy belated birthday. I think the whole office now knows when my birthday is, including the party-planning coworker (who plans everyone’s celebrations), despite my efforts to hide it.

Now that my secret is out of the bag, what do I do to make sure my birthday isn’t celebrated in the office? It seems to me that I have to let everyone know at some point before my birthday that I don’t celebrate it. I’ll at least have to tell the party planner coworker. Is there a way to do it without mentioning religion? If it’s better to mention my faith, how I can I politely and professionally bring it up in a way that will actually be respected?

Just be straightforward: “I don’t celebrate my birthday for religious reasons. Could you make sure the office doesn’t plan anything for mine? Thank you.” I’d say this to both your manager and the party-planning coworker, so that they both know. And it’s definitely better to just explain it’s faith-based; if you don’t, you risk people deciding that you don’t really mean it or that they know better and pushing a celebration on you anyway.

2. I took a lower-level job than I’m qualified for and want to move up

A few months ago I was offered and accepted a position. When I was applying for this position, I clearly stated that I had 4 years of work experience, including a master’s degree in an adjacent field (admittedly not directly related). My work experience was in event planning and promotion (2 years) and communications (2 years). The position I was applying for was purely for communications (though a good portion is in event promotion, which I didn’t know at the time). The recruiter, however, saw Communications in my job title for only 2 years, so she said she was going to submit my application instead for a lower level position, a rung below the one I originally applied. I agreed only because I was in need of a job.

Fast forward to now, I am in more of a support role alongside recent graduates with only 2 years of work under their belts. I feel in some ways I’m still getting acquainted with the way things work at this employer and thus learning to a degree, but in other ways the nature of my work is much less responsibility than I was accustomed to having. I have had weekly check-ins with my new supervisor and have clearly stated I have enjoyed A, B, and C work (where I’ve had more autonomy, more difficult projects) and would like more of that. Things are not changing much, I’m guessing because I’m new (understandable).

In a month, I have a new-employee review, more of a check-in with HR to express how I’m feeling in the position. I would love to say in some way it’s my fault for not sticking up for my past experience, but I need to be promoted to more responsibilities in line with my level of experience and education. I still remember my days of unemployment and am worried they would just worry this job was not the right fit. I really enjoy the projects I get where I have more autonomy, yet I also am feeling unhappy and unfulfilled most of the time, because those opportunities are more rare.

Well, you can’t usually just request to be promoted or given higher-level projects and have it happen, especially after only a few months on the job. Even if you’re qualified for a higher-level role, you accepted a lower-level one. That’s the job they hired you for, they have lower-level work that needs to be done, and you’re the person who they’ve hired to do it. You can certainly express interest in moving into a higher level role over time, but if you accept a lower level job and only a few months later are agitating to be moved out of it for something more senior, you really risk coming across as unrealistic about the job you took on.

It’s possible that the recruiter was off-base in pushing you toward this role, but it’s also possible that the company wouldn’t have hired you for the more senior one. Either way, though, this current job is the one you accepted. I’d focus on being awesome at it for a year and proving yourself, and then ask about growth possibilities after a year.

3. The job I left six months ago is still contacting me with questions

I left my organization in July 2014 and am employed now at a new organization. I am still getting contacted by previous coworkers about information and projects I managed. When is an appropriate time to say, “that’s enough”? I just received another email this morning and deleted it. It’s extremely frustrating, especially since all this information had been handed off prior to me leaving the organization.

It would have been appropriate to cut them off a month after you left. It’s crazy that they’re still contacting you after six months. I’d tell them directly that you’re too busy with your new job to continue helping and that you’re sorry but you can’t continue to respond to questions. (And as a general rule for this kind of thing, it’s reasonable to be available for the occasional question for a few weeks after you leave — but regular questions six months later? No.)

4. Should I use my full name when I start working?

I will be graduating in May from university and I have a bit of a silly question. I have two first names, for example Maria Theresa, in addition to a middle name. In previous internships I have gone by this name, but it has created some confusion, with people calling me Maria (a name I’m not usually called and so I forget to respond when that name is called). In my personal life, I go by the initials, such as MT, or a shorter nickname such as Terri. It makes me feel difficult to have a long name and people have told me they don’t want to have to always say my full name. Should I continue going by my full name? I fear that going by a nickname will highlight my young age in an office setting.

Go by whatever name you want to go by. It sounds like you prefer initials or a nickname. Either of those is fine. You can put that name on your resume — a resume isn’t like an official legal document where you have to present your entire full and legal name. And working professionally doesn’t require that you start using a more formal name than you’ve used previously. Nicknames aren’t unprofessional or young; people of all ages use them.

If you prefer to go by MT or Terri, use that on your resume, and introduce yourself to people that way.

5. Describing family caregiving work on my resume

After almost 23 years, I was laid off from my office manager position (I was the only one in the office handling all areas of running the small corporation) in May 2014, per my request of my wonderful boss who worked with me on this situation. My teen daughter had been fighting recurrent cancer the previous year and a half and he’d kept me at full salary through all of my time off through her surgeries and chemotherapy handled at the local hospital, as I was still able to work about 10 hours per week. At the time of the layoff, she needed two stem cell transplants at an out-of-town hospital, so he let me go since I had no idea when I could get back into the office and I wanted him to be able to hire someone else. She has now recovered and returned to school, so it is time for me to get back into the workforce.

How should I handle this employment gap on my resume? I’m assuming:
May 2014- Present: Caregiver

But I don’t know if I should use action words as though it were a job — things such as conferring with doctors, ensuring schooling continued, researching and providing proper and bacteria-free nutrition, etc. Please let me know what your suggestion is in this type of situation and what action words would work best. During this time of non-employment,I did take some training classes in the Microsoft Office Suite of products as well as classes on interviewing, resume writing, and using social media in your job search since everything has changed since I last interviewed.

I actually wouldn’t put it on your resume. While I’m sure it truly was a significant amount of work, ultimately it’s not the kind of professional work that belongs on a resume. Instead, I’d just address it briefly in your cover letter without getting into details: “For the last X months, I’ve been dealing with a family health issue that has since been resolved, and now I’m eager to get back to work.” That’s it!

I’m glad your daughter is doing so much better!