Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Someone insulted my grieving coworker and made it look like I did it

Recently, one of my coworkers who is on the same team as me lost her cat to cancer. Her manager set up a virtual greeting card for our team to sign. I signed the card today and left this message: “I’m so sorry for your loss, you and Fluffy were lucky to have each other” and left it at that.

A few hours later, another coworker slacks me with this message: “Just a warning that everyone can see what you wrote. You still have time to change or it, or you can own it, I guess.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but figured it was about the greeting card since the only other things I had written that day were emails or reminders that he wasn’t included on.

I clicked back into the greeting card and saw that the message I wrote had been replaced with one insulting my coworker and her cat. However, when I went to change it back to what I had actually written, my original message was in the draft field. I sent it again and saw that it was the right message, but now I’m worried. What if someone else besides the coworker who Slacked me saw the offensive message? I told the person in charge of the card what happened, but I’m worried she won’t believe me and will think I’m just trying to cover my butt. Was I right to let her know? Should I also let my boss know?

Also, other teams have set up virtual cards on the same site for other coworkers, but now I’m scared to sign those cards in case this would happen again.

You should let your boss know because one of your colleagues did a really horrible thing and tried to make it look like you did! Who sends an insulting message about the death of someone’s cat? And tries to pin it on someone else? That’s seriously messed up behavior, and if I were your boss I’d sure as hell want to know that someone on my team did something so crappy.

You can frame it this way: “This is such a weird thing, but after I left a condolence message in the card for Jane, someone changed it to something absolutely horrible, insulting Jane and her cat. Somehow they made it look like it was mine. I was disgusted and changed it back to my original message, but I didn’t know it was possible for someone to do that so I wanted to flag that for you, as well as the fact that someone on our team did such a cruel thing to someone who’s grieving. I figured you’d want to be aware of it.” As long as you let your natural horror at their message show, and as long as you aren’t known in your office for being the kind of person who insults people in condolence cards, it’s very unlikely that your boss or Jane will think this was an elaborate plot by you to insult her and then backtrack.

2. Can I go over my manager’s head to ask that she have a lighter workload?

I’ve worked at my company for about a year and a half. My manager started in our department a few weeks before I did and is a first-time people manager. She’s great at her job, friendly, gives clear advice and feedback, and really wants me to grow in my role. We get along well. We’re both in our late 20s.

My issue is that she’s very clearly extremely burnt out. I have a good glimpse (but not a full picture) of her workload, and it’s just too much for any one person to handle. She’s mentioned that she feels burnt out and, from our one-on-ones and daily chatter, is clearly very stressed and overwhelmed nearly daily. My own workload is fine; it’s a lot of work, but I come from a related industry known for harsh deadlines and no work-life balance, so I’m comfortable here in comparison. I’ve asked to take more off her plate to even the load and I’ve been able to take on a little more, but there’s not much more within the realm of both our roles that I can do.

I know my overall company is kind of a mess and I think the only reason my workload is as comfortable as it is is because of her. I know she’s advocating for herself but, from my viewpoint, her workload is only getting heavier. I’m really worried she might burn out or need to quit. Selfishly, I’m worried that my job here will be way more unpleasant if she leaves, but also, I’ve experienced burnout and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Would it unreasonable to talk to her manager and express concern that too much is being asked of her? I don’t want to make it seem like she’s doing badly at her job (she’s not!) and I don’t want to seem patronizing or anything like that. I think if I ask her first she might insist it’s unnecessary; she’s talked along those lines before. I just wonder if another voice advocating for her would be helpful or harmful.

Don’t do it! This is very much between your manager and the people above her; trying to advocate for her is highly likely to come across as undermining to her. If she wants to address her workload with her manager, she needs to do that herself. Having someone she manages go over her head will make it look like you don’t think she’s capable of accurately assessing and addressing her own work situation, or like she’s been venting inappropriately to you, or even like she asked you to advocate for her. If someone who reported to me did this without my knowledge, I’d be pissed — you don’t know how it might blow back on her or make her look like a weak manager.

I know you’re not seeing it that way — you’re seeing “I like this manager, know she’s overworked, and want to make sure we don’t lose her” — but the hierarchy will make it play out really weirdly.

3. Is it alarming to get a job offer after only one interview?

I had a zoom interview last Thursday. I thought it went well. Yesterday I got an offer letter. Salary and benefits are good, however being an Xer, I was a little taken aback by an offer after a 45-minute interview, especially when I hear horror stories about seven rounds of interviews.

It is a young company (2021) with founders who seem to be very driven. There have really been no other red flags.

Am I being paranoid or is there any cause for alarm? They gave me a week to sign the offer letter and I would start two weeks after that.

A lot of places still hire after only one interview! It’s not uncommon. But the big question for you is whether you have the information you need to make a decision. Do you have a good enough understanding of the job, the team, the manager, and the culture? Do you have big questions that are still unanswered? Have you had time to do other research on the company to make sure you know what you’re getting into (like what I describe here)?

If you don’t feel like you have enough information to make a decision on your side, it’s completely fine to say something like, “Would it be possible to set up a call this week so I can ask some remaining questions? I didn’t get a chance to ask everything at our earlier meeting and I want to make sure I have a full understanding of the job and the team.”

Related:
should I be worried by a hiring process that’s just a single 30-minute interview?

4. My laptop is disgusting

I just started a new job I am very excited about! The laptop given to me when I started was clearly used before. I just sat down to clean it up with some rubbing alcohol today.

It’s filthy. I didn’t notice because I dock it at home and at work. I am talking greasy film over all the keys on the keyboard. There is dust. I pried out some food stuck under the keys. It smells. IT SMELLS.

This is a decently resourced organization. How would you handle this?

My laptop is also disgusting but at least it doesn’t smell (and somehow it’s less gross when your own grubby fingers are the source of the mess). But sometimes I see it through someone else’s eyes and am horrified and then immediately clean it.

But laptops should be cleaned in between users!

In any case, it weren’t for the smell, the most practical thing would be to just clean it yourself — but I’m assuming there’s nothing you can do about the smell on your own. Can you go to IT/whoever issued you the laptop and say, “This came to me in really bad shape, with greasy film on the keys and food stuck in it. I’ve cleaned it as best I can but it still smells. Can I swap it for a different one or can we get it cleaned?”

5. My interview is tomorrow and I’m sick

I have a (virtual) job interview on Friday, but I’m currently sick and sound it. I’m hoping that I will sound better by Friday, but what’s the threshold for sounding congested/hoarse in an interview? Obviously if I’m still coughing up a storm every time I try to string two sentences together by the time the interview comes around, I need to cancel, but I’m unsure about what to do if I feel fine but still sound sick. I suppose the question here is twofold:

1. If I am too sick to keep the interview, how much notice should I give to reschedule and what should I say? And how sick is too sick? If I can talk fine, but still sound congested, is that okay? Or should I wait until I fully have my voice back?

2. If I’m well enough to have the interview at the current time but still sound a little hoarse/froggy, do I acknowledge it at the beginning of the interview? “I’m getting over a cold, so apologies that I still sound a little hoarse, but I’m excited to meet you….” or something like that?

If you feel well enough to do it (no brain fog, not exhausted, etc.) but just sound hoarse or congested, you should be fine proceeding. Just briefly and cheerfully address it at the start of the conversation — “excuse my voice, I’m getting over a cold but excited for this call” or similar.

If you’re too sick to keep the interview, try to give a day’s notice if you can (but if you can’t, then as soon as possible the morning of the appointment). And you can simply say, “I’m so sorry about the late notice — unfortunately I’ve gotten sick and am looking increasingly unlikely to be better in time for our interview tomorrow. Would we be able to reschedule for next week?”

If it weren’t virtual, my advice would be different; in that case, even if you’re confident you’re not contagious, your interviewers won’t be and it’s not a good idea to make your interviewer worry you’re exposing them to an active infection.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I go over my boss’s head about an employee who had drugs in her desk?

I work in an office that is separated in two sections. My section (Group A) has 15 employees and the other section has 35 employees, and then we have the owners, a husband and wife.

The Group B supervisor (the owner’s nephew, Bob) and assistant supervisor (Roger) are absolutely horrible. No one in either group likes Bob because he is an A-hole and no one likes Roger because of the way he acts like Bob. However, I am Group A’s assistant supervisor and I’m being trained by my supervisor, George, who everyone on both teams loves. George is very low key and lets our employees be who they are, and our small number of employees outperforms Group B, due to everyone being happier.

But I found out something George did that should have been brought to the owner’s attention but wasn’t because one of our employees might have been fired for it. When an employee on our team, Melanie, was taking her daughter to school, her daughter left her sweatshirt in the car and later that day Melanie was cold and grabbed the sweatshirt from the car and put it on. When she reached into the pocket, she found drugs, which she took out and put in her desk so that she could bring it home later and confront her daughter. Everyone on our team knows that her daughter has had a drug problem in the past. Well, later that day, George needed something from Melanie and she told him to grab it from her desk. He goes to her desk and opens it up to find the drugs. She explained the situation and said it wasn’t hers and even said she would go to the store and buy a drug test to prove she is not taking any drugs (which she did and passed). I ended up finding out and so I’m at this dilemma of letting it go or bringing it up to the owners. If I do, I’m afraid that George and Melanie would be fired and then my team would think that I did this just to get his job, and the entire dynamic of our team will be messed up with having every employee in group A hate me if that happens. Or if Roger becomes our supervisor, everything will change and become less productive. Either way, it’s a lose-lose, and all for something where I believe George did the correct thing in the first place. I would have done the same thing, but I also don’t want any of this blowing back on me if it does come out and it’s found out that I knew about it.

It sounds like this is George’s problem to handle, not yours, and he has handled it in the way he judged best. You’re not obligated to go over his head with it (especially when you say you would have handled it the same way he did anyway). He’s responsible for deciding the appropriate response, and he’s done that. Assume everyone can simply move on from here!

If you’re questioned about it later, you can honestly say that you’ve always found George to be reliable and responsible and you trusted that he had it covered.

2. I accidentally sent an embarrassing message to a large group on Slack

I work for a large company in the sales division. We were in a meeting that was repetitive and annoying simply because it’s an hour long, on a Friday, and it’s Q4. This is a mandatory meeting throughout the month of October. During the meeting, I meant to Slack my best friend / coworker. We work remotely on Fridays so we were both on Zoom. I was watching Real Housewives of New York before I hopped on the meeting, and while I meant to message my friend, I sent a Slack to a sales group with 200+ people that read, “I’m talking now so they don’t call on me later and I can continue watching Real Housewives.”

Three people messaged me about it. One of them was a manager on the team adjacent to mine. He just sent a screenshot and said, “No explanation needed, just thought I’d let you know.”

Then, I see him in person in office the following week, and we always joke around with each other and poke fun. He gave me a silly look and I just laughed and said, “Don’t look at me!” He replied with, “It’s your career, not mine.”

So now I’m overthinking it and wondering how bad I actually messed up. My coworkers around me are all laughing and no one even saw it except for a handful of people. But his comment has me anxious. To be fair, we always poke fun at each other and he knows I can take it, but this one seems different. Thoughts on the interaction, what I should do, or just in general if he’s thinking of me differently?

I … don’t think you’re overthinking it. That’s potentially a pretty bad message to have sent, especially if anyone with any influence over your job sees it! I don’t know enough about the context with the manager who messaged you to say for sure, but I’d consider bringing it back up with him and saying, “Seriously, though, I’m embarrassed that happened and there’s no excuse. It won’t happen again.”

Is there any chance your own manager saw it? It’s tricky because if she didn’t, you don’t want to call her attention to it, but if she did see it, it’s not great not to address it. Hopefully since she didn’t say anything about it, it’s safe to assume she didn’t see it? Either way, one of the best forms of damage control you can do is now is to make a point of being actively engaged for the entire length of each of the remaining meetings.

For the record, it’s not unreasonable for your employer to expect you to attend meetings on Fridays. Even hour-long ones, and even boring ones!

3. Job postings on LinkedIn with tons of applicants

I recently was informed that my department is likely going to be laid off, so I am job searching. When I look at jobs on LinkedIn sometimes the amount of people who have applied makes me not want to bother applying. The roles I’m looking at generally have 30 up to over 400 (!) applicants. Do you (or the readers) have any experience hiring on LinkedIn and know about what percent of applicants are actually viable candidates for these popular jobs? I feel like I would be wasting my time applying for something even if I think I’m qualified if there are already more than 50 applicants.

Every job I’ve ever hired for has always had at least 100 applicants and usually more (sometimes many times that). What’s different here is just that you can see it, whereas normally you don’t. It’s also relevant that LinkedIn makes it particularly easy to apply, so you’re going to get a larger-than-normal number of people who are just applying for whatever they see, even if they’re not particularly qualified. All of which is to say, ignore the numbers you see there and don’t let them get into your head; if you would have applied before you saw that, go ahead and apply still.

4. What’s the point of such a short Zoom interview?

When you get a call for a phone or Zoom interview and it’s scheduled for 30 minutes, but they ask like two basic questions and it’s over in less than 15 minutes after they read the job description, are they just fulfilling some legal requirement? Like they already have their person, internal or otherwise, and just have to “interview” three people or something and count the BS phone or Zoom “interview” that was clearly performative, but they can say they interviewed or screened several candidates? Like why waste anyone’s time or get their hopes up?

There are a bunch of possible explanations: the interviewer was terrible and had no idea what they were doing (and could even have been a relatively junior staffer who was handed some questions and asked to do initial screens without sufficient training), or they realized you’re not competitive with candidates they’re already moving forward but your interview was already scheduled, or something in the first 15 minutes of the interview convinced them you weren’t a strong enough match so they wrapped it up early … or sure, it could be that they have internal rules requiring them to interview X number of people but they already know who they want to hire (as we saw yesterday!). Candidates tend to be quick to assume that last one, but any of them are possible and there’s no way to know from the outside which it is.

5. Employee assistance programs — a success story

I thought you’d like to hear that as a result of your Interesting Jobs series interview with the employee assistance program (EAP) person in 2021, I realized that my employer’s EAP might be able to help me navigate a medication shortage. And they were! It was indirect help — they weren’t able to give me direct guidance on what local pharmacies had the meds in stock — but because I’d read the interview and seen the references to the wide range of situations they deal with and flexibility they have, I knew they would be able to help me figure out a plan to track down the meds other than “call all the pharmacies in Large Metro Area and ask, one by one.” I’d already struck out asking for help from the pediatrician’s office, my healthcare provider, and our usual (excellent!) local pharmacy, so when I called the EAP I said, “This isn’t really a standard scenario but I need help thinking it through because I’m completely overwhelmed.” Everyone at the EAP I spoke to was extremely kind and affirming and supportive.

Background to this is that there’s been an ongoing ADHD medication shortage for months. My daughter has pretty severe ADHD and pediatric stimulant prescriptions have additional hoops to jump through: providers can’t call in refills, I have to ask the doctor’s office to call in a refill every 30 days, and I can’t refill her prescription early. My own ADHD meds are also impacted by the shortages so I’m trying to hold down my job and make a million phone calls to track down her meds, and I’ve got much less executive function than normal as a result, hence my overwhelming paralysis — so the EAP was a godsend because I basically needed someone to help me calm down and figure out a plan and they were there for me.

I never would have thought to call an EAP with such a curveball question without your interview, though, so thank you so much for publishing it and thank you to the person who gave that very informative interview! Fingers crossed we won’t have too long a gap in medication coverage.