Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My office presented donations to an injured employee’s parent with much fanfare

A few months back, an employee of my company was hit by a car on their way to work and was very seriously injured. They spent weeks in the hospital and are now going through extensive rehab. My department decided to raise some money for the employee for the holidays. Altogether a few hundred dollars were raised. I thought this was a nice gesture and was happy to chip in.

Our manager decided that we should have the employee’s parent come in to the department to receive our gift. I feel super uncomfortable with this. I feel like it makes the gift about us rather than about the employee and that it makes a big ceremony out of what is, in reality, very little money compared to what her treatment will cost. What would you have done as a manager? Am I wrong to feel uneasy about it all? Unfortunately, all’s been decided with this situation, but I was curious what your take was.

Yeah, that feels very self-congratulatory to me too. I suppose it depends on how it was done — after all, “Would you like to pick this up in person? Many of us here would love to hear how Jane is doing” is very different from “We want to present this to you with fanfare.” But from what it sounds like, I agree that it feels a little gross and tone-deaf.

2. I don’t want to keep doing my coworker’s work now that she’s back from maternity leave

I took over a client for a coworker while she was out on maternity leave. It was my understanding that this would be temporary, and as a secondary benefit it got someone else familiar with the client to provide her with backup for overflow work. The client, as well as the work that they do, is considered pretty low-level stuff from a technical standpoint, i.e., when I told a colleague what I was working on, they asked, “Who did you piss off?” I know not all work is glamorous, but that kind of sums up the perception of the work. The profits were not exactly where they should have been either, and I think they wanted to see if someone else could improve them. I worked hard to bring up the profits on these jobs and maintain good relations with the client (which I did successfully).

Now that my coworker is back, she does not want to take back any of the work, but she still wants to act as the client relationship manager (CRM) since she has the relationship and brought in the work originally. I feel like this is a demotion to have her delegating work to me. I have more years of experience and education and typically work on projects of a much larger scale than the ones this client brings in. She has also asked that I write all the proposals/contracts and schedule and project manage all of the work.

My supervisor is aware that I was not thrilled with this and has agreed that it will be revisited among the supervisors at the end of the year (waiting for this). It feels like my reward for hard work is to get more of the problem clients/work, and that my skills are actually shrinking instead of growing. The client is needy/demanding. This can negatively impact the attention I need to give my own clients and the time I have available to support my supervisor/ fellow team members (as well as negatively impact my work/life balance). This coworker has told me that she does not want to do small projects anymore, but I feel like if that is the sort of business she has brought in, then she should do it… why should it be mine to deal with? How can I successfully approach this with my supervisor? Do I just make a case for wanting to grow technically, or do I bring up (what I feel are) negative impacts that these clients have on my clients’ work?

“I know that you’re planning to discuss this with other managers soon, so I wanted to explain a bit more about my thinking. I was happy to help out with this while Jane was on leave, but I really want to be able to focus on larger projects and my own clients. If Jane no longer wants the client, I think they could be a good fit for someone with less experience, but I’d rather not continue work on it now that Jane has returned.”

Of course, if you’ve already said this, then you don’t need to say it again; in that case, it would make sense to wait for your manager to have the conversation she promised to do at the end of the year, and then see if it’s been resolved.

3. Prohibiting an employee from moving to another state

Can an employer legally tell an employee that they cannot move to another state because the organization is not registered in that state? This is a current employee who works remotely.

An employer can’t prevent someone from moving, but they can certainly say that they won’t continue to employ someone who moves to a different state. And this sometimes makes sense, because different states have different requirements for employers, including state-specific fees for worker comp insurance and other things with price tags attached — so in some cases, an employee’s move would carry a (not insignificant) price tag for the employer.

Also, generally labor practices are governed by the laws of the state where the employee works, even if the employer is based somewhere else. That means, for instance, that a Virginia employer might reasonably decide that they don’t want to deal with California’s labor laws (which are quite different from those of many other states), and thus decline to have employees based there.

4. References when you’ve been in the same job for 20 years

How would you handle the following situation regarding references? I’ll graduate soon with a MBA. My education will not help much at my current place of employment. Thus, after working there for more than 20 years, I’ve decided it’s time to look for a new job. I do not want my current employer to know I am job hunting, though. However, as far as workplace references are concerned, the only ones I can provide are the people that I currently work with (supervisors, former supervisors, and coworkers). How should I handle this at an interview? Is it inappropriate to not provide references and explain why I didn’t?

No, you’ll still need to provide references, but it’s certainly reasonable for them not to be your current manager. Can you get in touch with former managers who are no longer with your company and who you’d trust to be discreet? That’s what I’d be looking for if I were the reference-checker in this situation. Alternately, you can also offer up former coworkers who are in a position to speak to your work, but most reference-checkers will want to speak with people who managed you, so I’d try to get as close to that as you can.

5. My current manager and prospective manager talked without my permission

Is it common/legal for my current line manager to communicate with the manager of the company where I applied for a job before interview even has taken place? In this particular case, it turned out that they know each other from previous employment.

It’s perfectly legal for a prospective employer to contact references who aren’t on your official reference list, and it’s not uncommon for them to do so. The part that’s less common here is the fact that the person they reached out to was your current manager. Reasonable employers don’t do that, because they realize it could jeopardize the person’s current job. That was a pretty crappy thing of this manager to do without your permission.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My interviewer turned out to be a distant cousin

I recently went for an interview and spent half the time trying to figure out why one of my interviewers looked so familiar. It didn’t dawn on me until on the way home it was a distant cousin of mine. I see that side of the family once, maybe twice per year. I’m not sure at this point if he recognized me, either by my name or when I came in. However, we did call another relative to ask where he works to rule out the possibility of an eerie look alike, and they confirmed that was him.

I wouldn’t think twice if he was just on the interview panel, and considering it’s a family owned and operated business, I don’t think they would mind two cousins in the same office. However, he would be my boss. We aren’t close, so I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t want him to feel awkward. I was asked in for a second interview with someone else in the organization (all my correspondence has been with his coworker, so I haven’t talked to him directly aside from sending a post-interview thank you email). Should I disclose it? Should I contact him somehow and ask if he’s comfortable with this? I still don’t know at this point if he knows it’s me since we see each other so little.

Yes, you should disclose it. If the company is smart, they won’t want a relative directly managing another relative because of the possibility of bias or the appearance of favoritism. And you’re far better off disclosing it now and finding out whether it’s an issue, rather than finding out after you’re on the job that they consider it prohibitive.

Start with your relative. I’d send an email saying something like, “I can’t believe I didn’t connect the dots until after I left, but I just realized you’re Percival Montblanc’s son! My mother, Clarissa Plufferton, is his cousin. In fact, I think we might have spoken briefly at last year’s family luau! I’m not sure if this complicates my candidacy for the __ role, which I remain highly interested in, but I’d certainly understand if it does.”

2. When an employer requests references up-front

I came across a job listing that looks promising, but in addition to requesting a cover letter and resume, the employer is also requesting a list of three references. This appears to be standard HR procedure for outside applicants. Because I’m currently the only person on my team who does what I do, pretty much the only people who can speak to my skills are my current boss and boss’s boss. For obvious reasons, I don’t want to let them know that I’m job searching at such an early point in the process. But I don’t want to look like I can’t follow directions. Is there a graceful way to put off providing references?

You can write “to be provided after mutual interest,” which is a perfectly reasonable thing to say — but if you’re dealing with a company that’s rigid about its hiring processes, you risk them pulling you out of the running over it. This is a good time to figure out if anyone in your network has any connection to this company, because if you have a personal in, you can usually get this kind of thing waived. But if not, then yeah, you need to decide if you’re willing to risk them being misguidedly rigid on this.

3. Am I obligated to tell my staff members I’m job-searching?

I’m seriously thinking about leaving my company for a myriad of reasons, including bad work environment and better pay. I’ve developed a close relationship with my direct report and also share frustrations about the company. He confided that he’d like me to tell him if ever planned on leaving since that would affect him. Now that I’ve started interviewing and applying, am I betraying him by not sharing this with him? I want to keep my job search secret but value our friendship and don’t want to seem like I’m stabbing him in the back. Are director-level employees obligated to tell their direct reports under them if they are actively job searching?

No, there’s no obligation to do that and people don’t generally do it. On the other hand, if you promised him that you would, then you’re in a bit of a bind (so hopefully you didn’t promise that).

For what it’s worth, sharing frustrations about your company with the people who work for you is generally not a good idea. You’re leading by example whether you want to or not, and that’s a pretty quick way of compromising the role you have with your company.

4. After an interview, a company asked if I’d be interested in a different position

I interviewed with a company recently and they got back to me via email a few days later, asking me if I would be interested in a different position without referencing the position we discussed in my first interview. I am not sure if I would consider this new position and I was really excited about the first position.

Does this mean I am no longer being considered about opportunity #1? Should I mention it when responding to the email or would this make me appear uninterested in position #2?

It might mean you’re no longer being considered for job #1, but it might just mean that they’re considering you for both. It’s reasonable to say something like, “I’d certainly be interested in learning more about (#2), but I’m especially interested in (#1). Are you still considering me for that one as well?”

5. We’re required to use PTO for our days off

I work three 12-hour shifts a week and get paid for 40 hours. So for example, if one week I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I have already satisfied my 40 hours to my company so Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are my days off. My company, however, requires that if we are unavailable to our company on our days off (to pick up extra shifts if needed) then we need to take those days off as PTO days. This is ridiculous to me. If I’ve already worked three days (my 40 hours) and then want to go out of town for the following four days, why do I have to use PTO? That’s like saying for those who work M-F and want to go away for the weekend, they would need to take the Saturday and Sunday as PTO days. I would appreciate your thoughts.

Yes, that’s absolutely ridiculous. Your employer sucks.

It’s possible that this would violate labor law in a state like California, which treats PTO as earned compensation. You could check with your state department of labor (or an employment attorney in your state) to find out for sure.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Am I trying too hard if I call employers every other day?

After filling out an application, what should I be expecting? I would call the hiring managers back and ask for my status on my application and they would reply with, “I will be reviewing your application shortly” or “I’ll give my manager your name and contact number,” but I still remain in the shadows.

I have military experience but that also isn’t getting through to any managers as well. Am I trying too hard if I’m calling back every other day to check on my application if it has been reviewed? Am I showing to much effort by “bugging” them every day?

I’ve literally applied everywhere and I am not receiving any feedback. The worst part of that is I mostly applied online, and I really do not have a clue of what to say if I try to speak to a manager directly because of my entry level status. Would just going to hiring agencies be more effective?

Stop calling to follow up on your applications. You’ve applied, so they know you’re interested. If they want to interview you, they’ll get in touch. Until/unless they do, move on mentally and assume you won’t hear from them (as for most people, that’s true for the majority of applications they submit). And if for some reason you ignore me and call anyway, under no circumstances should you call more than once. Anything more than that is way too pushy and will turn employers off.

You can certainly try staffing agencies too, but they should be in addition to direct applications, not in place of them, because they’re not a silver bullet and you don’t want to put all your eggs in any one basket. But what I’d focus on more is your cover letter and resume. To do that, read this.

2. My manager criticized me in front of others

I’ve been working with my current manager for almost a year now, and have proven myself as a trusted member of his team. My manager gives me praise regularly, and has constantly been mentioning that he is looking to promote me to the next level in my career. I have been sent to training courses in leadership development, he has sponsored me to go back to school to get my MBA, and he has referred to me (numerous times) as a member of his “leadership team.” I really held my manager in high regard.

Recently, we traveled with some of the other managers on his team for a training seminar. After our first night of training, we went out for dinner and drinks (with the team). After dinner, one of my colleagues brought up a recent situation where I challenged another project manager on our team. He told me that I “went too easy” on the person who is running the project, and that he would have outed her and “embarrassed” her in front of the rest of the team. My manager (in front of 2 of my peers) chimed in and started giving me direct feedback in front of my colleagues – which he went on to say would be included in my annual review. He told me that I need to speak up and be more direct with people when I see issues that arise. I felt incredibly uncomfortable due to the way this was addressed, and honestly, lost some respect for my manager. This was the first time I had received any feedback like this, and I feel like it should have been given in a 1:1 setting – not in front of my peers. Should I suck it up and deal with it, or should I confront my manager (and if so, how)?

Confront is too strong a word, but it’s certainly reasonable to say something like, “I appreciated hearing your feedback about X, but I felt uncomfortable having that discussion in front of others.”

But if he’s otherwise a good manager and this is the first real complaint you have about him, I might let it go. He may have just misjudged the situation (we all do that on occasion) and it might not be worth calling it out unless you feel strongly about it and/or worry he’ll do it again in the future.

3. Providing a performance evaluation when a reference is difficult to reach

After a very, very long job hunt I am now one of two finalists for a job that seems like a really good fit for me. The potential employer is checking my references and also, presumably, the other candidate’s too. My most recent boss, one of my references and the one most equipped to speak to the specific skills for this job, is sort of an over-promising, all talk and no action kind of person. I’m afraid he’s not going to get back to them, even though he said he would, based on what I know of him.

I have a copy of the very positive performance review he wrote for me right before I left my previous job ( we were both laid off). I’m thinking of sending it to the employer or at least telling them that I have it if they are interested in seeing it. My husband thinks I should do it first thing tomorrow morning. My sister thinks it seems desperate. What do you think?

I’d say something like this: “By the way, Bob can be difficult to reach. If you have any trouble getting in touch with him (or even if you don’t), I’d be glad to provide a copy of the most recent performance evaluation he wrote for me right before I left my job at ___. Just let me know if you’d like me to!”

4. Is my temp agency trying to keep me from switching jobs?

After graduating college this past spring, I tried applying to jobs with little success. Then I tried a temp agency, and within a month, they got me a 6 month+ contract job.

After being there for 6 months, however, I definitely do not want to stay for multiple reasons. Anyway, after talking with my representative, and explaining I want something else, she told me she would let me know if anything comes up.

Every time I ask her about updates, she’ll say she’s either not finding anything, not hearing back from some, or only finding something of which she already knows I’m not interested in. Then I’ll find jobs I would be interested in on the temp agency’s website (which she neglects to mention), and apply to them directly there, but then she’ll come back to me and say “They’re looking for someone with more qualification” even though the ad specifically stated their preferred qualification, which I meet.

Is my temp agency trying to keep me where they put me, just to continue making money off of me, and actively not trying to get me a different job like I desperately want?

It’s certainly possible. I’d stop focusing your efforts on them, and instead apply to jobs directly and work with other agencies.

5. What’s up with the teapots?

Occasionally, I read question posts using the word “teapot.” I don’t understand the context. Is this code or slang? Please explain.

A while back, a commenter used “chocolate teapots” as a fictional example of a company’s products. It’s often preferable to have a generic stand-in than to have to get specific about what your company does (both for simplicity’s sake and anonymity’s sake). I used it myself a few times, and then it caught on more widely. (I actually usually try to avoid using it too frequently in questions since I know it’ll be confusing to some readers, but at times it’s very useful.)