Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can my resume list company awards I didn’t actually get — if I secretly won them but my manager rigged the results?

After graduating, I worked for a small start-up company where my manager was underqualified, sexist, a pathological liar, and extremely stubborn. He was always let off the hook due to being a close family friend of the company director. Although the CEO liked me and maintained a friendly relationship with staff, I did not feel comfortable expressing my concerns to him. After being passed up for a promotion in favor of my less qualified male coworker (Rick), I began job searching. I did ultimately receive the same promotion six weeks later, but by then I already had a promising lead for a new position at a more established company in our industry. I ended up getting a wonderful offer, which I accepted.

My last day fell on the same day as the company’s annual award ceremony. Award winners are chosen by employee votes across all departments. To the surprise of myself and many of my colleagues, Rick won two or three out of the four awards designated for my team, including department MVP. Following the event, my manager asked to meet with me. He informed me that I had actually gotten more votes than Rick and was the true winner of the awards he was given. However, he and company director decided that it wouldn’t be a “good look” for the team to have the person leaving that day win most of our department’s awards. While disappointed that I didn’t get to receive recognition for my hard work that year, I understood their point and wanted to make sure I left on good terms.

It’s been nearly two years since this all transpired and, due to reduced hours, I have decided it’s time to update my resume. I did not have much I could add to the “awards / recognition / accolades” section, which made me realize that they didn’t just take away recognition I earned, but also what could have been a helpful resume boost. My field is competitive and in the current market the competition is fierce. I considered just putting the awards on my resume anyways. However, I cannot remember what the other awards were aside from the MVP!

I recently learned that my former manager was fired due to consistent conflict between him and the CEO. The CEO and I haven’t spoken since my departure, but parted on good terms. Would it be inappropriate for me to contact him about this? I would love to know what these awards were and be able to add them to my resume. I’m certain they have records of what the awards were. If it is okay for me to contact the CEO, what should I say? Is there a script for a situation like this? Do awards on resumes even matter?

Don’t contact the CEO, and don’t list the awards on your resume. Regardless of whether you should have won them, they didn’t actually award them to you so listing them would be a misrepresentation — and if a reference checker ever tried to verify it, they could get told that no, your name is not listed as winning those. Trying to explain the facts (“I had enough votes, but they didn’t give me the awards, and I only have the word of my now-fired manager to prove that…”) would be messy. It also would come across strangely to ask the CEO for help with it now.

Most importantly, it doesn’t matter that much. Internal company awards aren’t a huge deal on resumes; in fact, you really don’t need a section for awards at all! If you had them, you could list them if they were impressive-sounding, but they won’t carry so much weight that you should pursue it under these circumstances. But what you should do is think about why your colleagues would have voted for you to win, and then make sure those reasons are reflected on your resume (meaning, for example, if your coworkers appreciated that you were great at X, make sure your resume includes evidence that you were great at X — completely separately from the question of awards).

2. Why am I interviewing people I know I’m not going to hire?

I manage a newly created department at my company. I inherited one employee, Lisa, and after about a year, have been approved to hire for a more senior position on the team. Lisa is well positioned to promote into that role, and in anticipation of getting this position approved, I have been coaching her on skills she will need for a few months.

Current company policy is to interview at least two outside candidates for any open position in addition to internal candidates. My only internal candidate is Lisa and since I’ve been working with her on preparation for this role for months now, I have doubts that I’ll get an external candidate who is better positioned. Besides which, I have always prioritized promoting from within.

Here’s my question: promoting Lisa will create an opening at her current level on the team. I have asked HR to focus on the lower end of the qualification range for applicants, in the hopes that I can knock out the required interviews and do some stealth recruiting for Lisa’s backfill in the process. I’ve gotten push back that this is sandbagging the process for an internal candidate, but I don’t feel great about bringing people in to waste their time interviewing for a role that they are vanishingly unlikely to be offered. The situation would be different if I had multiple internal candidates, but I work with a specialized team and the other members in the department are all in their first three months and not angling for promotion yet. Am I doing anything unethical here?

Yes. Employers that require you to interview at least two outside candidates for any open position have that rule because they want you to make sure you’re hiring the most qualified person for the job — and in a lot of cases, because that kind of rule increases the diversity of your staff, particularly if your existing employees are relatively homogenous and mostly come from similar networks or demographics. If Lisa is truly the best person for the job, you’ll see that when you interview outside candidates. But if you close your mind to that possibility before you’ve interviewed anyone else, you’re violating the spirit and intent of your company’s policy. And that will end up wasting candidates’ time far more than someone else ending up better qualified than them will.

You really do need to consider the other candidates with an open mind, not look at their interviews as boxes you have to check off before you can hire Lisa … and definitely don’t try to rig the process for Lisa by asking for less qualified candidates! Your mindset should be that you’re looking for the best person for the job — and maybe that’s Lisa, but maybe you’ll find it’s someone else. (You should be transparent with Lisa about that, so you’re not wrongly raising her expectations that it’ll definitely be her.) If you’re absolutely convinced that no one could be a better hire than Lisa, you could try making that case to your company — but it’s pretty common for managers to assume that prematurely.

Now, that’s not to dismiss the benefits of promoting from within! There are lots of benefits to that — but you can’t unilaterally decide to prioritize it on your own if your company’s policy says otherwise. And in this case, it sounds like it’s not just the policy, but the input of others involved in the process too (since you’re getting pushback about how you’re going about it).

3. Going to a conference with a cold

In the post (ish) Covid world, what are the professional best practices around having a cold? My boyfriend has a cold and I feel like I might be coming down with it in the next few days.

This weekend, I have a conference in another city about an hour and a half away, where I will be traveling via Amtrak and then sharing a hotel room with another attendee (who I don’t know personally). In the pre-Covid world, I would have planned on going and just powering through and maybe just declining to shake hands, but now we’re all a lot more mindful about spreading respiratory illness. And given that I’ll be sharing a room with a stranger, just masking the whole time isn’t really feasible because I can’t reasonably mask while sleeping. But at the same time, it feels silly to miss out on a major opportunity for professional development and networking for what is ultimately a minor illness. What is my best move here?

At a minimum, I think you’ve got to make different plans for the room share. Even taking Covid off the table, it’s not fair to make a stranger who hasn’t consented ahead of time share a hotel room with someone with a high chance of a contagious illness. (Alternately, you could contact them now and pose the question to them; maybe they won’t care, but they should have a chance to say if they do.) And then beyond that, be vigilant about not spreading it to others — so an N95/KN95 mask whenever you’re around other people and definitely don’t shake hands. (If you hear all that and decide it’s not worth it to go, that’s fine too. It’s a good development if we come out of the last few years more cautious about not spreading infections around, even non-Covid ones.)

Read an update to this letter. 

4. How do I get my coworker to stop replying to an automated reminder?

My team uses a system that has a setting where it will send a user an automated reminder based on different circumstances. Because I’m the one who set up the automation, when this reminder email is sent to a teammate, it says that the email is from “me via the system” and any replies are sent to my inbox. I have one teammate who responds to these reminders with quick answers like “Done!” and “Thanks for the heads up!” and “On it!” This irks me because I already have enough email traffic without these little unnecessary acknowledgements. I think this teammate doesn’t realize these reminders are automated and I’m not doing anything personally to trigger them. Is there a kind way to point this out that doesn’t sound rude or will unintentionally embarrass my coworker? Or do I just need to suck it up and ignore the replies?

You could say, “These are automated reminders sent by the system without any involvement from me — I’m not involved in them going out at all, so need to send any response.” Or even, “Since these are automated reminders sent by the system, please don’t respond to them — they tend to stack up in my inbox and I have to look at them to make sure my involvement isn’t needed. Thank you!”

But yeah, if it continues after that, you need to just delete and ignore. Alternately, if it’s really annoying, you could look into setting it up so the reminders come from a different email address, like a no-reply@ address.

5. Salary when moving from a part-time contractor to full-time employee

Since being laid off from my full-time job a few months back, I’ve been doing some contract copywriting work for a company for several weeks. I’m currently getting 20 hours a week at a rate of $100/hour. I let them know in the beginning I’d prefer full-time work, and they seemed open to that possibility after a few weeks.

Last week, they checked in with me on if I was still wanting full-time work. I said I was still learning in that direction, but thought it made sense to continue the contract work for the rest of the month so I can get a better feel for the work, and they can get a feel for me. They seem interested in hiring me full-time. I’d prefer the stability and benefits of full-time work.

One thing we haven’t brought up is salary and since this is my first time doing contract work, I’m not sure what I should ask for if I decide to transition to a full-time role. At my current rate I’d be bringing home $104,000 a year. Do I ask for more money than that because they’ll be getting double the work from me at 40 hours a week? Less because they’ll be providing me with health benefits, PTO, and so on? I’m not sure what’s normal or fair when you transition from contract to full time work.

Typically you’re paid more per hour as a contractor than as an employee, because as a contractor you don’t get benefits (health insurance, paid time off, etc.) and you’re responsible for paying the payroll taxes that your employer would be paying for you if you were an employee. A typical rule of thumb for people coming at this from the other side — moving from employee to independent contractor — is to expect at least double their employee rate when they become a contractor. So flipping that for you, it would mean expecting your hourly employee rate might be roughly half of what you’re getting now.

But that’s just a general guideline, not an exact formula. You can use it to inform your thinking generally, but the main driver should be the market rate for the sort of work you’ll be doing. And if you can, get them to name a number first — because who knows, if they’re anchoring it in their head to what they’re paying you now, it could come out pretty high.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Our meetings start with too many instructions about breathing

I work in a small nonprofit, managed by kind, well-intentioned people. But they do one thing that really bothers me. They start staff meetings and trainings (and there are many of those) with a session of breathing, and advice about “where we are holding tension in our bodies” and similar topics. We have to breathe with them, sometimes wave our arms, sit a certain way, close our eyes, act like we’re focusing on our “tension,” and listen to their instructions about how to feel.

This feels creepy, invasive and inappropriate to me. It’s not harassment, not sexual, and it’s clearly well intentioned. But I don’t want my managers focused on my body. I don’t want them telling me what to do and feel about my body. And what’s next — hugging? Group therapy? Mandatory yoga?

I’ve been trying to just shut my eyes as instructed and think about something else while they do it, and I should probably try to get better at that. But it leaves me very tense. This seems to be very important to them, and I feel that any resistance would hurt my career. Any advice will be much appreciated.

Yes, that’s an overstep. I’d be more okay with something like “we’re going to take a minute at the start of the meeting to close our eyes and clear our minds” — I still wouldn’t like it, but it would be less invasive than instructions to move your body a certain way and focus on your “tension.” What they’re doing is … A Lot for work meetings.

You’re already doing what I was going to suggest — simply sitting there with your eyes closed. Think about whatever you want during that time! Use it to ponder what’s wrong with Brad Pitt or what you’re going to make for dinner.

If you felt you had the capital to take it on, you could ask that they tone these down or at least do them less frequently. But since your sense is that pushing back would harm you, just sitting there doing your own thing with your eyes closed is your best bet. They can’t make you focus on your “tension”; you can sit there and think about penguins or whatever else you want.

2. Interviewer told me to ask all the questions

I had an interview recently that was very different from what your typical interview is. It was for a first interview, with an HR individual, and she said “I do things differently, where I want you to ask me questions.” The only questions she asked me were if I had seen the salary range/was it okay and if I was comfortable with 100% remote work.

I had my standard interview questions I ask, but was not prepared to basically conduct the interview myself. Am I out of line in thinking she should have warned me this would be the case, so that I could prepare a bit better? I’m okay at thinking on my feet but typically need a bit more time to put together thoughtful questions, which was obviously a hindrance in this case. I knew when I got off that it was not a good interview, and the rejection I just received confirmed that. Maybe this is the new way of doing interviews? Am I completely off-base? Should I prepare to do this more going forward?

It’s not the new way of doing interviews. It’s just this one bad interviewer. Since she’s HR rather than the hiring manager, it wouldn’t have been weird if she had said, “This stage is really for any questions you have about the job or the company or the salary and benefits — the hiring manager will get more into the nitty-gritty of what she’s looking for.” And it’s possible that that’s exactly how she meant it! But she didn’t frame it that way and left you feeling like you had to structure and run an interview yourself without any prep for that. (And yes, she should have told you beforehand so you could have prepared for it.)

This isn’t something that’s likely to come up a lot but if you encounter it again, the way to approach it is that you’re both there to figure out whether you and the job are well-matched. So in theory you could have asked questions about what they’re looking for in the role, what the biggest challenges are, what success will look like a year in, what qualities/previous experiences they’ve found are most predictive of success in the role … but a lot of HR people wouldn’t be able to answer those with the nuance you need; those are really better suited for conversations with the hiring manager.

3. Interviewer asked me to produce free work and present it to their client

I got laid off while on maternity leave (my job wasn’t covered under FMLA, and the company had a very legitimate decline in business so I negotiated severance and moved on), and luckily found a new job within a month! Before I did, I had an experience that really rubbed me the wrong way.

The job was a director-level position who would be brought on to work on a single client account. The final interview was to take the data they sent (theoretically, it was fake data but there was so much of it that I assume it was real, but anonymized), come up with a full 2024 plan to improve their performance based on detailed KPIs, and present the plan not only to the internal hiring team but to the client as well! Not only did this seem like an inordinate amount of work (and work they should be paying someone for), but the fact that the client would be there seemed extremely inappropriate. After a quick review of the request I politely bowed out, and I never even heard back to my “thanks but no thanks” email. What do you think? Was this a normal final interview procedure, or was I right to take it as a giant red flag and move on?

Giant red flag / right to move on.

That’s way too much work to request for free. I could maybe see taking old data — like from several years ago — and asking you to come up with a sliver of that overall plan, like just one small portion in order to see you in action. But this is far too much, and it’s real work, not an obviously-never-going-to-be-used simulation. And yes, having the client there makes it feel even more like it’s real work they might use. It’s possible that the client is involved in hiring for the position and would be there solely in an evaluative capacity … but it doesn’t sound like it (especially if they didn’t explicitly say that).

I tend to think people are too quick to jump to “they’re just trying to get free work from you” (and good hiring exercises are specifically designed not to produce anything they’d use in real life) but in this case it really sounds like they were.

4. Coworkers cc our managers when they don’t need to

It bugs me when colleagues email to ask me for something and copy the email to our supervisors. To me, it sets up a tone of distrust, bottom-covering, and tattling. Is there a way that I can address this issue in a way that doesn’t come across as negative, or should I continue to let it go, especially since most colleagues don’t do it? For the record, I have a reputation for being responsive and easy to work with. I seldom forget to follow through with what I say I will do, and don’t copy supervisors when I need to remind colleagues of things.

In most cases you should let it go. It’s hard to address it without looking like you’re trying to shield yourself from your managers’ view. (That’s not to say it’s not legitimately annoying; it is. This is just about what it can look like.) Also, you never know when someone’s manager said to them, “Email Jane about X and cc me when you do” — which sometimes happens for reasons that have nothing to do with lack of trust in you.

That said, sometimes you’ll have a context where you can credibly say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been cc’ing Cordelia on things like X and Y. She’s mentioned her inbox is swamped as it is and I want to protect her time, so I suggest we only bring her in if there’s a specific need to.”

5. Can I apply for a different internal job after I just changed departments?

I have been working for the same large nonprofit for six years. The location I was working at had zero progression opportunities, so after things changed with my partner’s job I started putting feelers out and saw a posting at my company for a job two pay grades higher at a different location, applied, and got it. I relocated — it’s been 2-1/2 months and I’m settling in well.

Only snag: my company has now posted my dream position (different department, fully remote, same pay grade). How bad would it look if I applied for it so shortly after taking my new role? If this was external I would apply, but as it’s internal my application would go through the same recruitment team as previously. I don’t want to come across as flakey, but I also don’t want to miss out on shooting my shot at something that truly excites me. (I wouldn’t consider looking for the same role with a different employer. My company is a fantastic employer on many levels, I love our cause, and I wouldn’t want to go anywhere else.) I have a week to decide and I keep going back and forth.

Unless you’re an extraordinarily stellar candidate, they’re very unlikely to consider you for it. The organization has just invested the time and energy to hire you for your current job and you’re still in the middle of learning it; you’d need to be an unusually strong candidate for the new job for them to consider causing that much upheaval to your current team. And even then, they’d be likely to worry about how long you’d stay in the new position, since at that point you’d seem very willing to move around quickly.

I could see this working in a very narrow set of circumstances where you’re an unusually stellar candidate, the job you just took is relatively easy to fill and the new one is much harder, and you have enough rapport with someone involved in hiring that you can have a candid conversation about your interest and ask whether it makes sense to apply. But if all those factors aren’t present, I’d pass it up this time and assume it’s likely to come open again at some point in the future, and you’ll be in a stronger position to apply after you’ve been in your new job for a while.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. I sounded like a know-it-all in front of my boss

I started at a new company recently. When I started, I learned that a lot of my colleagues in the department worked together at a different company and all of them had known each other for quite some time, including my manager. They all use the phrase “internal customer,” which one of my colleagues confirmed they learned at the previous company. I understand the phrase but much prefer to use “internal stakeholder” as I was taught when completing my degree. When my colleagues or manager use the phrase, I never thought of telling them that I prefer to use a different phrase and just go along with it.

Recently I was on a call in our open plan office with an actual customer and when I dropped the call my one colleague, who is not customer-facing, said, “I wish you could talk to us like that.” (I always speak to my colleagues in a friendly and respectful manner but I do try and be a bit “nicer” when dealing with clients.) So I told him, “You never went for customer service training before because they teach you a ‘customer service voice.'” He said, “Yeah, but we are your internal customers.” In the heat of the moment, I busted out, “I studied business and I never heard of this internal customer thing.” He responded, “It’s time then for you to learn” and I said, “No, I am fine, thanks.”

My boss heard the whole conversation and I think I gave her the impression I’m the “kid who knows everything” since I am a lot younger than most of my colleagues. I also went to college, and the colleague I was speaking with and my boss did not. I would like to redeem the situation so that my boss does not think I have a sense of entitlement. I thought of waiting till she used the phrase “internal customer” again and generally asking her to explain it to me, so that she understands I am open to learning new things from her and respect the knowledge she has gathered in the industry through the years.

Whoa, there’s a lot here. First, “internal customer” is a normal and common phrase, and it’s strange to assume that it’s not just because you didn’t learn it in school. You’ll learn a ton on the job that school didn’t teach you, and if you go in with the attitude that school is the final word on things, you’re not going to learn things you need to know to succeed in your field and will also repeatedly look bad to others. Plus, different companies have different terms for things; that doesn’t make them wrong. It’s not something to dig your heels in over.

You’re overly focused on your own schooling and your colleagues’ lack of it. There are tons of jobs where degrees aren’t necessary to succeed (your boss is apparently an example of this). The best way to show your boss that you respect her and are open to learning new things is … to respect her and genuinely be open to learning new things, neither of which currently sound like you’re doing from your letter!

Don’t ask your boss to explain “internal customer” to you; that will come across oddly because it’s clear you’re already aware what it means. Just treat her and your coworkers with respect, stop putting so much value on school versus real-world experience, and assume people who have been working longer than you have probably have things to teach you.

2. Is there any point in seeking more lucrative offers if I don’t actually want to leave?

Back in 2020, you said: “You should never use an outside offer as a way to negotiate more money from your current job unless you’re 100% prepared to accept the other offer — because they may tell you to go ahead and take it.”

I’m a software engineer and am currently working in the first job in ages that I could see myself doing long term. This is, obviously, a great position to be in! However, there are lots of companies in my area hiring software engineers with my qualifications at significantly higher pay. These can be grouped loosely into VC-funded startups and tech behemoths, and for a variety of reasons I don’t really like the idea of working at either type of place. But I see the recruiter spam and LinkedIn listings and it makes me wonder whether I ought to give it a shot.

The thing is, I don’t think I can truthfully say I would be prepared to accept an offer to leave my current job. I like it here and I value quality of life immensely. The pay is more than enough for my lifestyle and I’m not all that frugal either. Do you think there is any point, then, in seeking more lucrative offers? My friends have suggested that I might be able to mention such an offer tactfully in a performance review, perhaps after rejecting it, in order to advocate for a raise. Honestly, that sounds to me like a huge risk and I would have no idea how to do it smoothly.

Part of me is inclined to think that trying to work an angle like that would end like a Greek tragedy where greed proves to be the hero’s fatal flaw — but the world doesn’t really work like that, does it?

When I talk about not using counteroffers unless you’re prepared to accept the other offer, that’s about going to your boss and saying you’ve received an offer that you plan to take unless they counter. There’s always a risk there that they’ll say, “We’ll be sorry to lose you but we can’t match that so you should take it.”

However, you can talk to your boss and say something more like, “I’m really happy here and want to stay for a long time. I’m being approached by recruiters offering $X-Y, and I want to be up-front with you that it’s tempting to talk with them when I hear numbers like that — but I really like working here and strongly prefer to stay where I am. Is there room to increase my salary to closer to market rate?”

3. I have a hard time with accents

I have a really hard time with accents. (Just, like, all of them, not any one in particular.) I have some auditory processing issues, which I think is part of it, but I can’t really say why it seems to be so bad compared to other people. I try not to ask people to repeat themselves unless it’s absolutely necessary, but it’s also obvious when I don’t really get what people are saying, or when it takes a long time for my brain to parse through the meaning of a sentence.

All of this makes me feel like a complete A-hole, especially in the workplace. As I move up in my career, I’m also starting to worry that it makes me come across as xenophobic or somehow intentionally antagonistic, like I’m feigning incomprehension to make a point. Is there a workplace-appropriate way to say “it’s not you, it’s just my brain” if I feel like my problem is becoming noticeable? Or should I just focus on, well, focusing in conversation and hope my colleagues know that it’s nothing personal?

How about: “I have some auditory processing issues so I might ask you to repeat yourself — apologies in advance.” You’re not obligated to share that, but people are less likely to be annoyed or read things into it that aren’t there if they have the same context you do.

4. I missed an email from a hiring manager and made a bad first impression

I was referred to the hiring manager of a different agency. The next day, my referrer forwarded me an email from the hiring manager which stated, “I am curious if [my name] is truly interested in this role. I emailed yesterday and have not heard back. Any advice?”

I check the spam folder; it was received 26 hours ago. I responded with an apology and explanation.

I have a phone interview next week, but I feel horrible about the bad first impression. I don’t check personal emails during work, and the job posting stated they review applicants next week. I worked late that day and arrived early the next to set up a work event at my current job and was not focused on checking for an email. Best way to move forward?

It’s not a big deal. It went to your spam folder, you explained that, done. And even with the spam snafu, it didn’t take all that long for you to respond; its not like you left them waiting for weeks.

It’s true that when you’re job searching it’s smart to check your spam folder regularly (that was the subject of my very first blog post here!). But for most people that will mean daily, not constantly. And again, this wasn’t a very long wait — we’re talking about just over a day. You could have been on vacation, sick, tied up with work, all sorts of things.

There’s nothing you need to do to move forward; you’ve already handled it and the hiring manager almost certainly isn’t dwelling on it. (If for some reason it turns out she is, that would be a red flag about her.)