how to throw an office holiday party people won’t dread

by Alison Green on December 18, 2014

Every December, I receive tons of complaints from people about ways their companies are mishandling the holiday party — from making employees pay to attend, to throwing a lavish event right after laying people off. The whole point of throwing a holiday party is supposed to to increase employee morale, so holding an event that does the opposite is a serious fail.

Three years ago, I put together eight rules for throwing a company party that employees will want to attend. They’re here. (It’s a repeat while my thumb continues to recover!)

You may also like:
{ 80 comments }

my boss wants to personally reimburse me for a payroll error

by Alison Green on December 18, 2014

A reader writes:

Early this summer, my workplace switched to a new time tracking system. Sometime in the first few pay periods that it was in use, my paycheck came up 8 hours short. I brought it to the attention of my manager the next week; he said he would check with payroll to find out what happened. It’s not clear from the time tracking system where the error originated: I may have made an error when I entered my time, my manager may have made an error when he approved my time, or the system itself may have introduced the error.

I followed up with my manager several times, though in retrospect I probably wasn’t doing so as often or as aggressively as I should have.

My manager came to me the other day, and told me that he’d goofed. He waited too long to talk to payroll about the error, and by the time he did, they told him it was too late to correct that paycheck. And because I’m salaried exempt, there isn’t any mechanism for them to just add 8 hours to an upcoming check. My manager’s solution: he’s going to reimburse me out of his own pocket for the error. He just needs for me to tell him what my hourly rate was for that paycheck.

I’m not sure how I should respond. It’s great that my manager wants to make sure I get payed at his own expense, and maybe that’s fair since apparently it’s his procrastination that prevented it from being corrected through payroll. On the other hand, I’m not particularly comfortable taking money from him personally, when we don’t know who’s ultimately at fault for the original error. And finally, despite any procrastination, I feel that this needs to be addressed at the corporate level, by payroll. If their system is capable of preventing a salaried, exempt employee from receiving additional pay, shouldn’t it be equally impossible for it to short that pay within a single week or pay period?

What do you suggest? Should I just accept the money and be happy I got it? Should I push back on corporate taking responsibility (are they responsible by wage regulations?)

It makes no sense that they claim they’re unable to fix it now. First, if they’re able to dock pay from an exempt employee (something that shouldn’t generally be happening except in very rare and limited circumstances), of course they’re able to add it back in. Even aside from that, of course they’re able to add it back in — in the same way they’d do any other pay adjustments, like a one-time bonus. So you’re right to call BS on that.

Second, it doesn’t matter how easy or difficult their system makes this. The law requires employers to pay employees correctly, period. So they need to find a way to pay you the money owed. They can’t arbitrarily decide that it’s been too long; the law obligates them to pay you correctly.

I’d say this to your boss: “I really appreciate you wanting to make this right at personal expense to yourself, but I really think it needs to be corrected by the company so that my payroll records and tax reporting are correct. Also, the law is really clear on companies being obligated to pay employees all money due, even if it’s from a mistake discovered a few months later, and I don’t want us to get into legally problematic territory. Is there someone we can escalate this to so that it’s handled correctly through payroll?”

You may also like:
{ 129 comments }

managing a jerk, my director gives out wrong info, and more

by Alison Green on December 18, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My employee strategically left out coworkers from his holiday party and generally behaves like a jerk

I am the owner, founder, and managing partner of a small law firm. We employ 15 people. Of those 15, we have four leaders. Three of those leaders are “senior associates” or “junior partner”-level lawyers and one is a non-lawyer accounting/billing manager.

Recently, one of the four leaders, a lawyer, held a Christmas party at his house, and invited everyone in the firm except the three other leaders and me. This lawyer is known to be very cliquish, and he and his team are prone to complaining and whining that they aren’t treated as well as others, when in fact they are given the best cases and lavished with the best perks and benefits. They also are known to be less than kind or respectful to the women in our firm, but not to the degree that anyone has complained to me about it with a desire that I do something. The decision to exclude the other three leaders, all of whom are women, has hurt their feelings and caused acrimony amongst the other teams because the invited kept their leaders in the dark about the party or even lied about it. The decision to exclude me is problematic as it signifies to me an open hostility or a potential threat to my business. Also, I fear that this is somewhat of a snub/sign of disrespect that I cannot ignore since everyone knows about it.

I admit that I am personally hurt since I have taken great pains to include this lawyer in my personal, family life, and to give this person significant professional attention in an effort to promote and help him, but this is less concerning than the drama this has caused in my business and professional life. I was planning on giving all four leaders significant raises, official promotion to the title of partner (for the lawyers), and large bonuses. So, I feel that I can (A) do nothing, nothing at all; (B) do nothing but remain vigilant that this person may be planning to leave and perhaps hurt the company, while pulling back on including him in personal and professional events, matters, and opportunities; (C) inquire of this person whether he intended to send a message of hostility and indicate that I have taken it as such and require an explanation and resolution plan; or (D) go ahead and fire this person since we all know that this level of unhappiness and acting out means we either have an office cancer on our hands (which I have never seen cured in over 20 years of practice) or an active threat where a lawyer is scheming/plotting to poach business and go to a competitor.

Well, first, as the owner and managing partner of the firm, you need to address the fact that you have a manager on your team who is disrespectful to women — and you need to address that even though no one has made a formal complaint to you about it. You’re obligated to do that, and it could cause you real problems if you don’t — in morale, productivity, and even potentially legal action at some point if he’s discriminatory or creating a hostile workplace.

Second, stop including employees in your personal or family life. They don’t belong there, and it will muddy the boundaries and make it harder for you to act on stuff like this when you need to.

Third, you have a manager on your staff who’s known to be cliquish, whose “complains and whines” and encourages a similar attitude in his team, who treats women worse than men, and who appears to be acting in a hostile, adversarial way to you (his boss!) and others. None of that is acceptable, not remotely. This isn’t about who was or wasn’t invited to a Christmas party. It’s about needing to address serious performance and behavioral issues with him ASAP and either see immediate improvement or move him out. (Or, if things are at the point where you don’t think fixing it is possible, then you need to have that conversation instead.)

Drop the focus on the party, and start focusing on managing this guy.

2. My boss plays guessing games with me about my bonus

Every year, in October, my boss tells me to “start thinking about what kind of bonus you think you deserve this year.” For the next three months, he reminds me, constantly, of the year-end bonus coming up. Like he’s dangling a carrot in front of an donkey, or like I’m supposed to treat him like a God for the next three months in “anticipation” of a bonus! It causes additional stress that I really don’t need at the end of the year when I’m already gearing up for year end taxes, W-2’s, 1099’s, etc.

If I give him a figure that he thinks is too high, he scoffs and makes me feel like I think to highly of myself. I don’t want to lowball myself either. Is there a “rule of thumb”, i.e. one month’s salary, 5% of gross wages, etc., something like that to give me an idea to throw out at him this year? Tired of playing this song and dance for three months of every year.

Bonuses vary widely by firm and by industry — from zero to hundreds of thousands of dollars, depending on what you do and where you work. There might be a rule of thumb for your industry, and you could do some research to find that out. But you probably have a pretty good sense of the parameters based on what you’ve received in past years, and that should give you a general range of what’s reasonable to expect. You could also couch it in those terms, while simultaneously acknowledging that you’re in the dark — e.g., “I had a stronger year that last year, so I’m hoping for something at least as high as last year’s, but I also don’t know what parameters you use.”

But also: Your boss is behaving like an ass. He shouldn’t be playing guessing games with you.

3. How can I keep my director from giving out wrong information?

Our director often has to speak to groups, whether it’s making announcements at a department meeting or saying thanks at a department event. As his assistant, I will often write up for him short bullets of things that need to be announced, people who need to be thanked, etc. I will sometimes remind him in person before an event or meeting as well. Yet he is constantly forgetting to say things, announcing wrong information, saying the wrong people’s names, etc.

Often it can slide in a “you know what he meant” kind of way, but in some instances where he’s just told our whole department the completely wrong information, I find myself having to go up and murmur the correct information to him so he can announce it, which doesn’t make either of us look good. Do you have any other suggestions for prepping him so he doesn’t embarrass himself?

Well, this might just be the way he is. Some people are highly skilled in some areas and then absolute crap at stuff like this (think of absent-minded professor types, for instance). That said, one other thing you could try is handing him note cards with bullet points just before he’s about to speak. You could also ask him directly if there’s a better way for you to support him in this area — you might hear something you wouldn’t think of on your own.

But you sound like you’re being conscientious about your part of this, and the rest might be out of your hands.

4. Dealing with two recruiters at the same company and not hearing back from either

My mentor put in an employee referral for me with a global corporation. I had a phone screen with their in-house recruiter for a job I applied for and she said the hiring manager would make a decision about in-person interviews the next week. I emailed at the end of the week and asked if a decision had been made and if there was an update. A week later, I haven’t heard back.

Meanwhile, another recruiter for the same company contacted me, saying my resume was referred to her for a position (which I didn’t apply for) and we also had a phone screen. She mentioned that the position may not be offered at the office nearest to me but said that she’d find out at the end of the week. She said I could contact her if I was interested in another position within the company and I mentioned one I’d seen online, so she wrote that down and let me know she’d also find out about that when she contacted me at the end of the week. A day later, I emailed her and mentioned that I noticed the position in the office was being listed for other departments and asked if those were also on hold. It’s been a week since I emailed both recruiters and I haven’t heard back.

If they both told me they’d get to me or that a decision would be made by a certain time, should I take the silence as an indication I’m out of the running? And if both emails to the recruiters ended with questions that haven’t been unanswered, should I email them again or should I be patient and wait for them to respond? I’m worried it’s bad etiquette and I’m pestering them. I’m not sure if the recruiters know each other – it’s a huge corporation and they are in different states.

Yeah, recruiters are notorious for making promises about follow-up that they don’t follow through on — and for not responding to candidates’ emails until/unless they’re ready to move that person forward in a hiring process. It’s rude, but it’s very, very normal. I think you could email each of them one more time, a couple of weeks after your last outreach — but after that I’d move on.

5. Should I mention an earlier interview I had with an employer?

I applied and interviewed at an organization about a month ago. The interview went great and I felt confident, but it was competitive and I did not receive the position.

Recently a new position at the same organization was posted that I’d like to apply for. This position is through a different department from the one I interviewed with. I’m wondering how I can best use my previous interview as I apply for this one. Is it beneficial to mention my interview in my CV? Can I email the woman I interviewed with before to ask who to address this CV to, or is that not kosher?

I’d apply according to their application instructions, but after you apply, send an email to the person you interviewed with previously and let her know that you’ve applied. There’s no real benefit to doing anything beyond that. If she thinks you were a strong candidate, she’ll mention it to the person hiring for this new position.

You may also like:
{ 231 comments }

update: can I say something about my coworker’s graphic, violent tattoo?

by Alison Green on December 17, 2014

Remember the letter-writer wondering if she could speak up about a coworker’s graphic, violent tattoo? Here’s the update.

Thanks so much for your help with that situation. The readers were helpful, too, in making me feel like I wasn’t overreacting to the tattoo. My company is generally rather liberal when it comes to clothing choices and visible tattoos and piercings, and I just didn’t feel comfortable approaching the contractor myself. I went with your second suggestion. I discreetly approached my supervisor at the end of the day and, as neutrally as possible, explained that the tattoo (which he had not seen) was rather graphic and sexually explicit and asked him if he would speak to her about covering it up at work. He said he would take care of the issue. She always had her arms covered after that day and never spoke of her tattoos, and we maintained a good working relationship. She ended up leaving our company after about 3 months, for a position with another company. My conscience feels clear!

You may also like:
{ 23 comments }

how to stay productive during the holidays

by Alison Green on December 17, 2014

With so many distractions during the holiday season – from holiday parties to gift shopping to travel – how do you stay productive and focused when you’re at work? If you’re not deliberate about staying on track, it’s all too easy to find yourself dividing your attention between winter sales and eggnog, and coming back in January to unfinished work that you’d intended to complete.

But it’s not impossible to stay focused during the holidays. Here are five tips that will help.

1. Be deliberate about creating a work zone. Carve out space at work that’s free from holiday activities – so that when you’re at work, you’re resolved not to spend that time shopping for gifts, making lists for your family holiday dinner, sending e-cards, or otherwise dealing with the holiday pressures of your personal life. As tempting as it can be to just do a quick bit of online gift shopping between work calls, you can spend hours down the rabbit hole of bargain shopping for the perfect sweater before you realize how much time has gone by.

2. Schedule enough time for personal commitments. Most people’s personal to-do lists go way up at this time of year. Be realistic about how much you’ll need to get everything done outside of work, and schedule specific blocks of time for it. You might even take a personal day or two just to get your holiday shopping, cleaning, and cooking done. There’s nothing wrong with that – time off is there to be used, there’s usually less impact in using it at this time of year, and it will help you remain focused on work the rest of the time.

3. Be thoughtful about what has to get done this month and what can be put aside. It’s pretty common to get less accomplished this month than in other months (offices are quieter, people you may need items from might be away or similarly distracted, and things generally slow down). So be honest with yourself about what absolutely must get done this month, and then be intentional about prioritizing those must-dos and making sure that they get done.

4. Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything. This is the season of social invitations, and if you feel yourself getting stretched thin, don’t be afraid to set some limits. It’s okay to down invitations if you can’t comfortably fit more commitments in, or you can set limits on how much you can participate (such as by dropping by an event for an hour and then leaving rather than staying all night).

5. If things are slow at your office, take advantage of that by giving yourself a break. Most people are more productive when their brain has a chance to rest and recharge. If your work and your office allow it, take advantage of the lull at this time of year to slow down yourself – whether that means taking more time off or just putting less pressure on yourself to produce at your normal rate. You’ll be more likely to come back refreshed and productive in January.

You may also like:
{ 14 comments }

we have to make PowerPoints about our personal lives and present them to coworkers

by Alison Green on December 17, 2014

A reader writes:

I’m 43 years old and I work in a place in which most of the employees, including the boss, are 30 or younger, so maybe this is a generational issue. I enjoy my actual work, but I cannot stand some of the required activities that the administration has implemented in order to “improve the culture.”

For example, every staff meeting, including meetings with only 4 or 5 people, has a required time at the beginning for “shout-outs.” I think it’s nice to acknowledge people and thank them for special work done, but I don’t like it being imposed — especially in meetings with few people I feel obligated to shout someone out, even if nothing in particular comes to mind.

Additionally, in the weekly meetings we are currently listening to 10-minute presentations prepared by employees about their “river of life.” This is a PowerPoint presentation prepared with personal photos and sharing of personal (sometimes VERY personal) information. Most of the employees really get into it and share about losing people in their lives, illnesses, etc. My turn is is coming up and I have absolutely no desire to share personal information with the other employees. Additionally, I am already working 80 hours a week and I frankly resent the idea that I have to spend any time preparing a presentation with personal photos, which has nothing to do with my work and job performance. Is there any way I can get out of this without insulting my boss or my teammates?

River of life presentations?!

I’m sure someone in your office has decided this this is a way to build camaraderie, but holy Hanukkah balls, it’s misguided. I don’t blame you one bit for having no interest in participating in these. It’s a waste of time, a violation of privacy, and a really silly way to “build culture.”

The start-of-meeting shout-outs don’t strike me as nearly as egregious. A little forced, absolutely, but whatever — I can see just dealing with that one.

But the friggin’ PowerPoint about your personal life? Blech.

If you have reasonably good standing in your organization, I don’t think it’s crazy to say to your manager, “Hey, I know some people really enjoy these, but this is really not my thing. I’m pretty private and I’d be a little uncomfortable doing one, and frankly, I’m working 80-hour weeks right now and really want to use my work time to focus on work. Okay for me to opt out?”

However, be aware that in some cultures (maybe this one!), this would get you marked as Not Participatory, Not a Team Player, and/or Not One of Us. Personally, I’m very comfortable with that in this particular context, but you might not be. At a minimum, you should think through what the ramifications of that are in your culture and how much it matters to you.

You may also like:
{ 552 comments }

giving a gift to your boss, missing Christmas bonuses, ass-grabbers at the holiday party, and other holiday questions and answers

by Alison Green on December 17, 2014

Wondering whether to get a holiday gift for your boss? Or to give holiday gifts to your employees? What about how to handle an ass-grabbing coworker at the company Christmas party?

Here’s a round-up of answers to 10 holiday-related questions.

1. Should I get my boss a gift for the holidays?

I just started a new job and I am working in a team of three. Should I get my boss a gift for the holidays? I would round up the other coworker, but had second thoughts because she is a temp. I don’t want to be gimmicky or a teacher’s pet, but I also think it might be a nice gesture. What would you suggest?

Nope. Etiquette says that gifts in a workplace should flow downward, not upward – meaning that gifts from bosses to employees are fine, but employees shouldn’t give gifts to those above them. This rule stems from the power dynamics in the boss/employee relationship, because otherwise people can feel obligated to purchase gifts when they don’t want to or can’t afford to – and managers should never benefit from the power dynamic in that way.

2. Giving a boss a holiday gift, part 2

I’m wondering if I should get my boss a gift this year. I work very closely with my her as I am her only employee. I started my current job just before Christmas last year and she gave me a bonus last year, as well as a very nice birthday gift. She treats me well, I respect her, and we get along fine. I’d like to get her a gift but I have no idea what to get her as she’s kind of wealthy and I’m far from, but basically I don’t know if it’s appropriate to even get a boss a gift if its not a group effort type thing since I don’t have any coworkers. What do you think?

Nope. See above.

If you feel you must do something, a card and some homemade treats would be fine — but don’t go beyond that.

3. My new coworkers want me to pitch in to buy our manager a gift

I just started a new job two months ago and so far I’m enjoying it. Another member on my team sent out an email asking for a $5 voluntary contribution to buy our manager a gift. I enjoy working with this team member and she actually spent a significant amount of time training me and getting me well prepared for my job. I also get the feeling that my manager understands that proper office etiquette is to have gifts flow downward. We recently did a secret santa, and she requested that anyone who drew her name to simply make a donation to any charity.

I’m just wondering how I should approach this? The other coworkers seem to be really into Christmas and probably won’t have an issue with this, since we all enjoy working with this particular manager. Also my finances are in good shape so $5 out of my pocket is not a big deal and I’m not sure if it’s worth it to be saying anything since I’ve only been here for 3 months.

This is a little more complicated than the two situations above, because you’re new and your coworkers are all doing it.

If you didn’t want to spend the money, it would be perfectly reasonable for you to say, “Unfortunately my budget won’t allow me to chip in.” But since you’re willing and it’s only $5 (and I know that not everyone considers that a negligible amount, but that doesn’t sound like the case for you), there’s an argument for just going with the flow on this one.

If it were a significant amount of money, I’d be more inclined to encourage you to opt out. And if you’d been there longer, I’d encourage you to steer your coworkers away from gifting upward, but that’s not a battle worth expending capital on when you’re so new to the job.

4. Should I get my employees gifts?

I’m new to an organization. We do a holiday gift exchange, but do I need to get my direct reports additional gifts as well? The gift exchange max is $30, so it is pretty generous already.

In general, no, managers don’t need to get their staff gifts. That said, you might discreetly inquire with other managers about the culture of the office on this; if it’s the norm for managers to do something for their staff, you’d want to have that context when making your decision. But absent some compelling pressure from your particular workplace culture, no. However, you could certainly make a small group gesture, like bringing in baked goods for people to share, as a marker of the season and general expression of good will.

5. Can my company refuse to allow spouses to attend the holiday party?

Can a government company mandate employees to attend holiday party without spouses? The day is start work at 8-12 and then at 12, leave and attend the holiday party. Can they really do that?

Absolutely. First of all, hosts of a party can limit the guest list however they want. Second, this party is during your workday, so it’s even more reasonable that it’s employees-only.

6. My coworker’s husband grabbed my wife’s butt at the company Christmas party

We just had a Christmas party at my company, during which one of my coworkers’ husband grabbed my wife’s rear end, while we were talking in a circle with other coworkers and their spouses.

My wife told me the next day as I had not seen what had happened (not sure anyone did, really). I intend to send him an email letting him know the inappropriateness and vulgarity of his act. Should I talk about it with my HR director?

There’s not much your HR director can do, since this was a non-employee behaving like a boor with another non-employee. They don’t really have standing to act. I suppose I could see an argument for saying something in case it’s a pattern (in which case they might tell your coworker to stop bringing her gross husband to company events), but aside from that, I think your best bet is to roll your eyes, write this guy off as a boor, and keep an eye on him at future social functions. (That means I also wouldn’t send that email — that’s unlikely to do anything other than cause tension in your relationship with your coworker, who isn’t the one at fault here.)

7. My company is closing the week of Christmas and making me use PTO or take it unpaid

My company is choosing to be closed after Christmas. They’re making me use my time off or take it unpaid. Can they do that? I’ve been paid all the other times when the company has been closed for a holiday.

If you’re exempt, you must be paid your full and normal salary if you work any part of the week. But if you’re non-exempt, they don’t need to pay you for time you didn’t work, so yes, this would be legal.

8. Working on holidays without extra pay

I work in Texas. I am a salaried employee working for a private company. My company has scheduled me to work on New Year’s Day – a company-recognized paid holiday. They do not give extra pay or provide a comp day. Is this legal?

Yes. No law requires extra compensation for working on holidays. However, since it’s normally a holiday for your company, you might ask about taking the holiday on a different day instead.

9. Can we ask about our missing Christmas bonuses?

We have gotten holiday bonuses for two years in a row now and were told that we would be getting a sizable one this year as well. We usually get paid on the 1st and 15th of every month, and we were told that the bonus would come along with our check on the 15th. Our check came and went, still no bonus, and we are really hurting for it as we look forward to using that money for the holidays and getting ahead on our bills. Nobody at work has mentioned it and we’ve spoken to our bank to make sure there are no pending amounts waiting to be deposited.

Do we ask about it or let it be? It’s getting down to the wire on Christmas shopping and paying the bills we were hoping on using the money for, so we are getting more stressed with each day that it is not here. We would not have been expecting a bonus, but our boss told us it was sent to the bank the same day as our regular check, meaning it should have deposited the same day, right? Is it understandable that we would want to know a date to expect it on? Why is there no communication about this subject? It seems almost rude to ask about it? What is a good way to go about asking, if at all?

It’s not at all rude to ask about it, because your boss was very clear about telling you (a) that the bonus would be coming this month, and (b) that it would be sent to your bank on a specific day that has now passed. I’d say something like this: “You had mentioned we’d see the bonus on the 15th. I didn’t receive it that day, and wanted to check with you about whether we should have still been expecting it then.”

10. Wine as a company holiday gift

We received an email this week saying: “As a thank-you for your hard work and commitment throughout 2014, Teapots PLC has chosen to gift employees with Christmas wine. The wine will be given to you this week – if you haven’t received it already. On behalf of the management team in the UK, we would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and we look forward to having a very successful 2015!”

I, personally, think this is great: a lot of us *have* worked hard and been committed to the company, despite its flaws, and it’s nice to have that recognised. On the other hand, there’s enough employees who don’t drink: some Muslims, some for other reasons. What’s my best way of mentioning this to HR without provoking them to shut down giving out wine (or other gifts) at all?

(Obviously this ignores the whole “should we give gifts to Muslims, Jews, Hindus (etc.) at Christmas at all?” question, but here in England most people will accept the intention behind the gift even if they don’t celebrate Christmas. I think.)

To some extent, it’s impossible to choose a company-wide holiday gift that will be appreciated by everyone (unless it’s money or extra time off), but there are some broad categories that it’s smart to avoid like alcohol (for the reason you mention) and turkeys and hams (vegetarians). And in general, a company should try to make sure the gift won’t make whole groups of people feel invisible.

If you want to speak up, I’d send a short note to HR saying something like, “Thank you so much for the wine — I really appreciate it! I’m looking forward to enjoying it, but I didn’t know if anyone had pointed out that our Muslim employees won’t be able to drink it (and the same for other non-drinkers, of course). I know it’s hard to find a gift that works for everyone, but I wanted to flag the religious issue in particular in case it’s something that had been overlooked.”

I don’t know if future gifts will be better — again, it’s hard to find something that works for a large group — but it’s reasonable to flag it.

You may also like:
{ 449 comments }

update: how do I tell my coworkers that I have incurable cancer and it’s progressing?

by Alison Green on December 16, 2014

Remember the letter-writer wondering about how to tell her coworkers that she has incurable cancer? Here’s her update.

I was overwhelmed by all the supportive responses to my question, in addition to the sage advice offered. One AAM reader even sent me a gift card—that was incredibly sweet! My thanks and gratitude to all.

I followed the suggestion to email a select group with my news—most of us are remote workers—I included my current project managers and my boss. The answers were warm and accommodating, and my boss actually phoned me, our first conversation in the 4 months I’d been under him, within minutes of my sending the email! In addition to his assurances, we discussed coverage for my role at the company, and he indicated that this was the stimulus he had needed to look into setting up a long-term arrangement with some reputable contractors. So I am reassured to know that there is potential coverage if things get worse and I need time off.

Unfortunately, my cancer situation has not improved, but one thing about my particular version of the disease is that it’s been very slow in its progression. I am working on improving my general health practices, and am also trying to get my life in order—I would hate to leave my current financial and household arrangements for my loved ones to deal with! And the upcoming holiday season represents the winding down of my most pressing work projects, and the return of my young-adult offspring for some family time at home, so I have short-term pleasures to look forward to. Plus, the little jazz band I play in has had several informal gigs recently, which have added to the joy of life—probably the best medicine of all!

Again, I thank you, Alison, for taking my question, and I thank all you AAM readers for your very great kindness. I was particularly touched to know that there are other “working wounded” out there who are functioning in professional capacities while living with significant, even life-threatening, disease.

You may also like:
{ 40 comments }

update: a parking shortage at my office is forcing me to park a mile away

by Alison Green on December 16, 2014

Remember the letter-writer who was being forced to park a mile away from her office because of a parking shortage? Here’s her update.

I continued with my gentle reminders for my manager to request that my parking be moved, as she had asked me to, but at the same time started searching for a new job. I was able to park for free a lot of the time, on a street about a block away, and the rest of the time I parked in patient parking and was subsidized by my parents.

I only found one job that seemed like a good fit. I applied, and waited, and kept bugging my manager and waited … a couple of months later, a friend of mine was talking to an administrator at the organization I’d applied to and the administrator mentioned what a tough time they were having filling this position. My friend said he’d expected they might interview me, and the administrator said she hadn’t seen my application and asked if he would encourage me to reapply. I did, and they called me for an interview the next day. After that interview, I was asked in for another. That one also went well and I was offered the position a few hours later. I accepted, and they requested that I start about 3 weeks from then.

It took me a couple of days to get up the courage to give notice – as well as find a time to do so in person. My manager was amazing – shocked, but amazing. She wanted to hear all about the new position and was really excited for me. She got me extra support staff for the notice period so that I could fully train my colleague who will be the only nurse in the office full-time until my replacement is hired.

I told most of the folks I worked closely with either that day or the next, but some of the doctors I worked with were not there more than once a week, and a few were on vacation at the time; this didn’t seem like a big deal to me, as the nurse and doctor hierarchies are separate — I wasn’t interviewed by a doctor, and my reviews aren’t done by a doctor. My manager and her manager, and her manager, all the way to the top of the chain are nurses. But when some of the docs returned from vacation, they were *furious*. At first I thought with me, which made me really angry, but they were actually just mad at the situation, and upset that they weren’t asked to help before it got to this point. I feel like I complained about the parking to anyone who would listen, as you can well imagine, and I know for a fact that includes some of those who were so upset. Maybe I didn’t seem as serious as I was, but none of them believed me that this was a deal breaker until I’d given notice.

Up until my second to last day, there were doctors trying to get me to stay. Asking what kind of a raise it would take, and assuring me that they could get me moved to the closest lot, immediately. They thought it was outrageous that I was being “allowed” (their word) to leave for an issue they thought was so fixable. I told them it had been an issue for 6 months by the time I interviewed, it’s not like this was a matter of weeks. I was a little bit annoyed that they didn’t suggest any of these potential fixes until I was literally out the door, but I had no reason to believe I should have gone to them with the concerns instead of my manager. I talked to her about their saying they could fix it, and she wasn’t so sure that was the case. Plus, I would never quit a job before I started, or revoke my notice at the last minute! I would still be having a panic attack if I’d have done that!

My office threw me a going away party, and it was awesome and I was waffling for a couple of days about whether I’d made the right decision, but …

I think I have. I’ve been at my new place about 6 weeks now, it’s very interesting, and I’m very independent. My salary is almost exactly equal to my previous one, the commute is a half an hour less, so I get to drive my kids almost every day, plus I get home almost an hour earlier, parking is *free*, and I never have to walk more than about 100 feet to the door.

Without Ask A Manager, I might have switched jobs, but I wouldn’t have had nearly the confidence in my resume and cover letter, nor the courage to tell them what salary I wanted. Thanks so much!!

You may also like:
{ 59 comments }

how to handle nosy coworkers around the holidays

by Alison Green on December 16, 2014

If you’re bracing yourself to deal with nosy coworkers at your company holiday party asking why you didn’t bring a date or when you plan to finally have kids, I have some advice for you on fending off the nosy and persistent!

I wrote a piece for Intuit QuickBase’s Fast Track blog on how to stand your ground when faced with intrusive questions. You can read it here. (It’s a repeat while my thumb continues to recover!)

You may also like:
{ 90 comments }